Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1902-11-03
QUILL'S YARN.
Why One Augusta Young Man
Is Not Married.
He Has avGuaranteed Receipt for
Winning the Girl. |
And Yet the High Price Of Coal Does
Not Interest Him.

A Wise guy once Sdlu. Wnen any
one wants to take you into a financial
scheme on the ground floor be sure and
take the elevator to the roof garden:
it is much safer" Now, there are q
lot of people in this world who wish
they had taken this wise guys advice
and the aerial fight toward the posy
bed up under the blue canopy, for when
the average promoter gets his eve
focused on you and holds out the
sugar cookey all covered over with 10
per cent marks you will be perfectly
safe in gambling that the cookey has
got hard place in it somewhere, and
you are reasonably sure of finding it
if you only bite in far enough.
But there are a class of people who
are always looking for something for
nothing. They usually get nothing for
something. But nothing daunted they
wait until the line is thrown again
and grab the bait. hook, line and sinker.
They buy gold bricks enough in a sea-
son to build a good sized cistern, and
bob up serenely to get in on the ground
floor of any new scheme that is Of
fered and always reach out for the
bouquet with string hitched to it.
Some little time ago there was a
gilded youth, who had slept with his
head too high upon the bolster in his
younger days and his brains had sort
of percolated down toward his feet,
but he did not realize the change in
ballast for some time and went right
on doing business as if his knowledge
box was still crowded. He had his
eye out for the main chance and he
thought he was a little the cutest thing
that paid poll tax in the village and
on game of chance would be obliged
to set his alarm clock so as to get in
it's work by 4.30 A. NJ. or little before,
for any ordinary scheme he could see
through like an X-ray machine.
But somehow or other the bunco
steerers in New York had heard of him
through some mutual friend and were
just itching to get at him just in play
They waited until he had got just ripe
enough to pick, then they loaded Uncle
Sans mail down with the easiest of all
easy things-a nice circular letter in
forming him how to win the girl you
love, full directions furnished in a
plain sealed envelope, $4,000 for a sin
gle failure; send so cents i'm silver or
stamps for the formula. They gave
their address as New York, so he
dropped his hard q2in in the envelope.
and waited.
In his minds eye he could see him
self playing love in cottage with
some heiress of papa's millions, while
papa paid the freight. He painted a
rosy picture of life on easy street
where all he had to do was to cut his
fall crop of coupons with a hay cutter,
while the hired man wheeled the empty
extra dry bottles down over the dump.
He was to be the Monte Cristo of the
town. just loaded for bear with money
of all kinds to burn. so he waited and
waited until his patience was getting
well nigh exhausted. the the long
looked-for letter came. With trem-
bling fingers he removed it from the
wrapper and read it's contents.
The directions were so easy and sim
pie that a child with a blind eye could
understand it. AS he read it he won
dered why there were so many chronic
old bachelors in the world and .why it
was that so many old maids had to
bring in their own wood, when for the
small and insignificant sum of so cents
they could be taken into this scheme
or syndicate on the ground floor and
boom the matrimonial market way
above par. And then the requirements
as he read them were SO simple Most
any boy with an annual income of 81
per week and found ought to, by fol-
lowing instructions carefully, draw a.
prize in this matrimonial show at
least once week. This wonderful
formula the gentleman received was
printed on half Sheet of note paper.
in goodsized bold type and read
Get a million dollars and let her
look at it and she is yours"
Now there Is no doubt that people
in this quiet village will have a big
surprise sprung on them in the near
future in the shape of fashionable
wedding with orange blossoms and a
wedding march. A wedding where the
bride will be given away. like samples
at food fair and the bridegroom will
be disposed of like real estate.
In the mean time the young man is
hustling to get that million. Tn to
last Saturday night his capital con-
sisted of $1.S5 and an unreceipted
laundry bill. The prospect looks now
as if the high price of coal for cook
ing purposes would have but little eff
feet on him the coming winter. But
he is in hopes between now and spring,
with good luck, he will be able to win
the girl he loves. by showing her. as
the formula says, the million dollars.
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