Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-08-14
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Volcanoes or automobiles ?-Life.
Mrs. Hoon-The deacon is such
good man. Mr.. Hoon-Yes; but some
times l fancy his halo is tride too
small for his head.-Puck.
Blonde Bridesmaid - The ushers
haven't seated your Aunt Maria with
the family. Other Bridesmaid SISTER
to the bride)-No, she only sent a
pickle-fork Life.
With String: Little Johnny-My
paws Republican. What's your paw?
Little Geogie-He says he's independ-
ent, but nav outlines his foreign
policy.-Chicago Record Herald.
Premature Inquiry: Miss Gushington
What do you consider the ten best
books. Mr. Sect? Con Sect Uhe young
author)-Really, I've only written six
books so far, you Observation-Disclosures
Press.
Possible: Uncle Stephen - Sarie.
here's q piece bout how they're telle-
graffin 'thout wires. BY jinks! 1
woodent be 'sprised to hear next tibet
they're sendin' letters 'th0ut postage
stamps.-Judge.
An Awkward Deadlock: "Why are
they not speaking?" ''They quarreled
about which loved the other more"
"Well?" "And now each is afraid to
give in for fear Of offending the other"
Brooklyn Life.
He had asked the Boston maiden for
a kiss. "Oh, sir" she cried. blushing.
II have never been kissed in all my
nfe." well, l suppose somebody has
got to break the ice" replied the
practical young man.
Preparing for the Start: mercy!
where did you get all the books!'
"Why, I'm trying to read up few OF
them so as to know what to take away
to read when l leave for my summer
ation."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Thoughtful Girl: Madge-Dolly
Is going somewhere with that young
man this evening. Marjorie-Yes. 60
ing to sit with him in the hammock.
Right after dinner she went upstairs
and put on a dark shirt-waist. Port
land Oregonian.
Curate-Why don't you come to
church, John? Come next Sunday, will
you? John-'Ow long do it last. sur?
Curate-Oh, not very long. About an
hour or so. John-Lor', bless yer EUR.
it baln't worth while changing yer
shirt for't!-Sketch.
Miss Fairfax-Goodma Aunt
Caroline. Why amt you washin' now
adays? Aunt Caroline removing her
pipe from her moutM-Well. you see.
Miss Clara, rs bin out O wuhk so long
dat now, when l could wuhk. l finds
Is done los NAH taste TO tt.-Judge.
WHY'S Reply: Willy-l met our new
minister OH the way to Sunday
mamma, and he asked me if ever
played marbles ON Sunday. Mother
HIN. And what did you say to that:
Willy-I said: Get thee behind me.
Satan and walked right off and left
him-Tid-B +;
"Why do you carry that umbrella.
little boy? It's not raining. NO, sir.
"And the suns not shining mo,
SIR" "Then why do you carry til?
"Well. when it's raining pa wants 1t.
and when the suns shining ma wants
it, and it's only this kinder weather
can get to use it at ALL"
Mrs. Hicksy (who Is entertaining her
little sons playmate, aged five, to din
ner)-Willie. can you cut your own
meat? Willie (who is struggling with
piece on his plate)-Yes, thank you
with desperate saw at the beef. I've
cut twice as tough meat as this at
home-Glasgow Evening Times.
/ It Is told Of a learned professor. who
was better at Greek than golf. that
after a round on the links in which he
had fooled most of his shots. he turn
to his caddie for advice as to improving
his play. The reply Of the ruthless
caddie was: 'Ye see. sir. it's easy to
teach laddies Latin and Greek. but 1t
needs head for gowff." !
Really Ratified: Ibid you feel at all
nervous when you got up to read your
essay on The Essentials Of the Es-
sentialiy Essential before that
crowdy EYES," the sweet girl grad
uate replied; II was awfully upset I
had noticed just as walked out upon
the stage, that my left shoe-strlng was
united" -Chicago Record Herald.
Fate: Once there were two beautiful
white eggs laid side by side in a nice
new nest. A great big man gathered
them up with his rough hands and sold
them to a grocer. And one little egg
was a good little egg. and went into an
angel cake. but the other little egg
was very very bad little egg, and got
mashed on an actress.-TOwn Topics.
Terrible to Think OF: what makes
you look so sad and solemn" "A man
told me this morning that looked just
like ]. Pierpont Morgan" But why
do you allow that to trouble you?" II
was Just thinking what a horrible VIC
tim Of wrong was If maybe him and
me was changed in our cradles when
we was babies. "-Chicago Record Her.
aid.