Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1902-08-23
THE FAT MANS
DORY CRUISE
ITO ENJOY life really" says he

The short, fat man in the cross-seat
paused for breath and his thin friend
looked at him admiringly:
"Djedoit?"
"Sure thing" said the fat man. "Oh,
Twas regular come-on for Suburban
vile, jeewhilliker lallagaloo of a
greenhorn who'd never seen salt wa
ter, and, say, it honestly makes me
sick to think of it.
"They don't do that sort of thing out
in Orange. where I'd lived before
moved up to the Sound. Not on your
life.
"When I found that everybody in
the place talked boats, even If he
didn't know a jibboom from a push
cart, I saw that I was up against il
hard. I always believe in doing in a
suburban town as the Romans do, so
to speak.
'In Orange I was member of Chau-
tauqua circle, No. 16, and when it
came right down to keeping cases on
dates, was a peacherino for fair
But, say, this sailing game was new
on me, though didn't say so.
"Almost before the last moving van
Handed my spare furniture fellow
named Brown, who had the bungalow
next to mine, came over and says he to
me, says he:
".Mr. johnson. I'm glad to welcome
you as a neighbor. My name is
Brown, Shackleton Brown, SIR
"'Thanks, old sport said I. How
are they running, eh?'
"Brown was neighborly, and pretty
soon he says:
"'You moved from Orange. the van
driver tells me, and 1 suppose you
came up here for the sailing
"'You're an old sport says I, and
then I went over to Browns and
iiquored with him.
"I'm giving it to you straight that I
never drank such liquid fire in my life.
Honest injun, I couldn't have felt
worse If I'd gotten my mouth right
over Mount Pely and swallowed some
sizzling lazy.
"Must have gone to my head for sure,
because / began telling Brown about
the big yacht I'd run down on the
Florida coast. Said I'd had streak of
i'll luck and that I'd concluded to try
,small-boat sailing"
The thin man on the seat beside the
speaker looked intense admiration
and chuckled.
ST dunno what started me-" con-
tinued the fat man, modestly, "but
before had finished with that guy
talking about my big yacht had An
.anias looking like selling platter.
whenPd smoked my pipe and come out
TO bit, Brown talked and saw that
1t was up to me to make good.
HE said that he'd put me into the
Never Reef Yacht club, the saltiest ag-
gregation of amateur tars to be found
on the Sound. couldn't refuse and
when I explained that had no small
boat and had never sailed anything
smaller than a 7O-footer he gave me
that song and dance about getting
4dory.
81 got book that told all about sail
ing, and say, that's where my Chau-
tauqua circle training came in a nose
to the good. / learned the whole
thing and then wondered why peo-
ple made so much fuss about sailing.
1t looked too easy.
81 was elected to the Never. Reef
club all right, all right, and I blew in
a good four plunks for yachting cap
with the clubs flag on the front. Say,
i looked great in it.
81 felt as big as thirty-second de-
gree mason with sword. Oh, was
the real thing, you can gamble. and
you'd died to have heard me down
at the club giving advice. Say. that's
a dangerous game all right, all right.
I got along SO nicely with it that after
I had looked over the club feet tried
to get gay.
"Says /: You're talking about
NEW clubhouse. Dead wrong. What's
.the use? Why don't you insist that
each member of this club when he gets
through sailing shall take his boatlet
under his arm and carry it home?
"Tet him put it on his front lawn
for decoration. If there's any man
here too delicate to carry his own boat
home I'll lend hand whenever neces-
-sary.'
@Say, on the level, it grew so chilly
right of that ice formed in the har-
Dor. It looked just like a scene from
the Polar Star. A big icicle formed on
rfhe clubs flag pole and ! hedged.
al was only Kidding, says 1. Just
10 see how you took it. You are thor
-ouehbreds, all right. I'm never fooled
. on them and when you get ready to
build clubhouse just put me down for