Fergus County argus., 1902-07-16
pooLEY ON DEMOCRACY.
Says Hard Times Can Always be De,
pended Upon to Help EN- Out.

us dimmycrats will iver ilict a prisi
dint again"
We wud," said Mr.. Dooley, "if we
cud but git an ilegible candydate."
whats that" asked Mr. Hennessy
"An illegible candydate." said Mr.
Dooley, "is a candydate that can't be
read out iv the party. 'Tis a joke
med up. Me frind Willum ]. Bryan
reads tn Commoner to thin an they
pack up their bags an lave. Theyse
as nanny dimmycrats out iv the party
as they are in. waitin' on tn durestep
to read thimsilves back an tn other
la-ads out. TIL loudest r-reader wins.
mo. sir, tn dimmycratic party ain
on speakin' terms with itsilf. Whin
ye see two men with white neckties
go into sthreet car an set in oppo.
site corners while wan mutthers
'Thraiter' an the other Kisses Mis-.
creent,' ye can bet they're dimmy.
cratic leaders thryin' to re-unite tn
gran oil party. 'Tis on'y tn part iv
tn party that can't r.read that's thrue
to tn principals iv Jefferson and Jack.
son.
me frind Willum ]. is not a candy
date. He's Eligible as an editor. but
not as a candydate. Anyhow he don't
want II. or at Taste he don't want to
want 1t an not get 1t. All he asks is
some good man. some thried an
thrusty dimmycrat that can lead tn
party on to gloryous victhry. But he
can't find him. Ye say Hill? Well,
me frind Willum J. was ast to ask me
frind David Binnit to go out fr to
make a speech at dimmycratic ban.
kit on tn TRADITIONS iv tn dimmy.
cratic party. Hill bein' wan iv thin
an wan iv tn worst. 'Gintlemin.' says
Willum Jennings, I admire David
Binnitt HILL No wan, he says, is
second to me in affection f'r that gr.
reat an good man. he says. 4 shall
niver fail In me devotion to him till,
he says. TIL place heals up where he
sunk tn axe into me In ninety-six.
But he says, I cannot ask him to
speak at ye'er bankit. / cannot bear
to hear him talk. Ivry time he opens
his mouth want to put me fut into 1t.
he says. Moreover, he says, II ye
ask him I'll take me meal at home,
he says. f'r tn sight of that gallant
dimmycrat turns me firm food he
says. So that ends Hill. We can't
so with amy wan that our sainted
leader can't ate an egg with without
sin.
well, thin. whove we got? They'se
me frind Bill Whitney. He won't do
because tn bookmakers niver get up
on iliction day in time to vote. A
thousan' to wan again Whitney. his
opponent to carry tn audjiotoroonl
his back. They'se me frind Charley
Towne tn unsalted orator iv tn zenith
city"
"Thraiter," said Mr.. Hennessy.
"He has got some money" said Mr.
Dooley refectively. II see in tn pa
papers he says theyse now enough tu
go ar-around-enough fr him to go
ar-round, Hinnissy. He's thraitor
wisht cud afford to be wan. Well
what dye say to German? They'sC
a fine. Straightforward, honest. clane
incorruptible man. Ye put him alone
in room with tn rayturns an "
can go out an gather bar'ls f'r III
bonefire. Ye won't have him, Ell? Oh
he knitted tn ticket. did he? Secretly
Oh, my, oh my. Tn villain. Dowr
goes German. Well. let me see, lei
me see; who'vs we got? cud thinl
iv good NANNY that cud captain 1
ball team. but whin come to silictin
a candydate FIR prisidint ivry man
think iv is ayther a thraitor or wal
that tn thraitors wudden't vote f.
II we don't get tn thraitor vote we'r,
lost. They'se me frind Sinitor jim
Jones. A good man. He won't do
ye say? Niger country. Oh, aye
We can't take a candydate firm tn
same part iv tn country that tn
votes come firm. Ye're right. Aggy
nal? Iv coorse not. Schley? II,
may be doin' time fr disorderly con
duct an assault with a deadly weepir
be that time. Charter Hatch? Wha
wud a man thas been mayor iv Chi
cago do with an infeeryor job like tn
prisidincy? Tom Johnson? A sthree
car platform amt broad enough f'r tn
party. Dockery? II sounds too mucl
like tn endin' iv comis song. An
firm Missoury. too. Fuller? Anothe
thraitor. an what's worse, Judge
Well, there's Cleve-. Hol on there
don't ye throw it. Put down tha
chair. tell ye.
"Ye're hard to suit, Hinnissy. I'v'
named thin all over an taken me III,
in me hand with half iv thin an los
me reputation f'r common sinse b.
mintionin' tn others. Whin lead
man in through wan dure ye read hin
out iv another an thrw tn book afte
him. I'm thryin' to find a man f'r "
to uphold tn banner 80 that ye cal