Evening star., 1902-03-08
PUZZLING PROBLEM s

WONDER why IL Is, Saiu the Hidu WIN
thinks aloud about things. that all OF the
young married men in these vaudeville
sketches are such rollicking, devil-may-
care set, and why they're always putting up
jobs to hoodwinka their wives, and why they
can't stay home o. nights once in while
and read the papers and fool with the dog
and talk It overSwith their wives and just
take 1t easy that way? And I wonder why
1t Is that their wives are invariably such
suspicious. apprehensive, raving lot OF ter
magants, and why, IL they are so sore over
the conduct Of the aforesaid young hus-
bands, they don't quietly obtain divorces or
legal separations, with alimony, and thus
prevent fritermnable turmoil They surely
are queer lot Of young married folks
You'll notice that all of these young nus
bands have habit of digging up some sort
OF an excuse to take in French ball or
something like that every night. or that
they've all been caught by their wives red
handed in the act of making goo-goo eyes
at pretty woman, usually grass widow,
at some reception or other, or that they re
always getting themselves detained down
town on pressing business sos they can
take night off with the boys. or some
thing like that. And every mothers son Of
'em seems to make 1t rule OF his life to
carry two or three ballet girls pictures
right In the inside pocket of his business
Codt, tuo coat lnat ne ought 10 huoW, IL ic
had the sense he was born with, his wife
habitually goes through every night OF her
life. And such a penchant for poker and
horse racing as those young married men OF
the vaudeville stage sure do have! Not
only that, but they seem to possess, every
last one Of them, unlimited means where
with to crafty these propensities. Money
isn't anything to them. Whenever their
wives find out that they've lost at poker
sitting the sum Is always the mere baga-
tnIle r6 dollars
when they pick the wrong horse in the
Brooklyn handicap they always pick the
wrong one to the tune Of the yearly income,
ana more, OF one of us ordinary people.
Ihey certainly are a royal lot Of spenders,
and 1t ought to be pretty easy thing of 1t
to pick up money in vaudevilleland. They
all live In such fine style. too, I dare say
you've noticed. They've nearly always got
a correct butler or maid for their apart
ment. and they always jump into their
evening clothes promptly at g o'clock,
whether it's dark or not; they always be-
long to a whole lot Of exclusive clubs, and
they've all got everything that any Wander
bilt would want In the way Of carriages to
order at will. Under these circumstances
you'd think the young fellows would at
least make some sort of an effort to keep
up appearances. but the rackets they have
with their wives In their tiats-I should say
their apartments-would cause most of us
common, everyday folks to be turned out
OF tenement houses as disturbing charac-
ters.
And. as I say, the young wives of the
vaudeville stage are such a perfectly vixen
Ism lot that it's a wonder to me that any Of
'em ever succeeded in getting married at
ALL You'll have perceived that at the wind
up their temper generally gets SO much the
petter or them that they go at their found
out husbands like-well, like clawing, hair
pulling. jealous chorus girls that we've
heard about, and the queer thing in this
connection, too. is that the husbands in
variably appear to stand for this treat
ment. and really appear to enjoy having
their hair all mussed up, and their necktfes
torn Off. and their evening coats split up
the back. and all that sort Of work
ana then, what an extraordinary f. ell
1ty both the husbands and the wives of the
vaudeville world have for Disgusting them
selves In an adjoining room within the
space or two minutes so that one Is utter
~ unrecogn1za BILE to the other! / don't be-
leEe my wife could work that on me if she
LOOK lessons at it for five years from some
Old Sleuth detective. but these vaudeville
sketch people are fooled so easily! The
crafty young husband who wants to find
out something about the music professor
mas only to slip off the stage for a minute
or so-presumably to his dressing room
ana don burlap wig and perhaps change
MS coat, and perhaps a mustache the very
wires OF which the boys in the back seats
IN the gallery can see, and. bless your
heart when he confronts his wife. she
thlnks he's the baker from around the cor
ner' or the plumber. or the janitor, and for
nve minutes or SO he stands right there in
Iront OF her and talks in mis- natural tone.
and she doesn't 50 much q dreav, that NJ,
actually her recreant hubby. Or his wife
II II she wants to cause her husband to think
that she's the dashing young chorus girl
nias. tnas she n, suspects him of having met the
Newmarket coat and a picture hat and @
very much blondined wig and 10! he gives
himself dead aay. and calls her Tottie
ana ITS al SO Internally odd when YOU
cility and stupidity. not to sneaT of nv th.
wealth. of these young married persons Of
the vaudeville stage isn't it?" -