The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1902-08-23

stairs. There entered the dapper little
undertaken. He advanced to the middle
of the room and in a soft, persuasive
voice said:
g Ladies and gentlemen, 1 am sorry to
disappOint so distinguished an audience,
but really the funeral cannot come off
TINS afternoon. The corpse has been mis-
Mr.. Stockton never would tell me
whether that story had a foundation of
TACT to rest upon, or whether he made it
out of whole cloth as an apology for not
making demanded speech.
Many times [ put the question to him,
ana every time l got new story instead
OF an answer. One of the stories with
Wmch l was thus baffled is perhaps
worth recalling. Let me tell it. as nearly
as l can, in Mr.. Stockton's own words:
DOVE there in Virginia l know an old
narky named I1sek. He is a conscien-
nous, truth telling old man. One day he
was summoned to the court house as a
witness in case that involved the kill
ing OF dog. The formal court process,
WIN us dlre threat of punishment in the
event OF his failure to appear, terribly APP
paired Uncle Esek, and by way of making
sure, he arrived at the court house at I
o CLOCK in the morning-eXactly three
hours before the time set for the assem-
pllhS OF the court. Summoned to the wit
ness chair ut last Essex was treasured
by the fact that the judge was his Mas
Fernando, with whom he had played mar
pies, while the commonwealth attorney
how to ride a horse Nevertheless Essex
was embarrassed in the presence of
court of justice, and reluctant to answer
questions lest he commit himself
the lawyers.
" oh, yes, sir, ] know'd him we'll. In
fact | was quite intimate with him.
:. Vas ne 8, good watch dog
No, sir; he was the cowardliest dog
ever see, sir, He'd run from shadder.
Was he a good hunting dog? a dog
for coons possums. squirrels or birds?
. No, sir; he wasn't no count at all in
dem ways In fact, he was the most no
accountedest dog | ever knoWed He
want worth nothin' nohow
=" What was the dogs name" asked one
" Now, really, Mas Sam. you must ex-
cuse me from answerin' dat
g oh, nonsense. What was the dog 5
name?
. We'll. YOU see Mas Sam, l wouldn't
like to say nothin' personal, an so d
like to be 'scused from answering dat
question:
Answer the question, Esek, broke in
the judge with emphasis. What was that
"'WeI. sir. I don't want to say nothin'
offensive, sir. after I've done give so poor
an account of the dog, but his name was
One thing I ask the privilege of say
ing, namely, that Frank R. Stockton
never told in any gathering a story which
! lHlSHl not De Tepedleu With perfect pIO-
priety to a company of gentlewomen in a
| drawing ROOM His conception of humor
| did not involve any faint of unclean lines.
The proprietor of one of the large New
/ York hotels often tells this story about
! Stockton:
We had stopping with US several years
/ ago family consisting of a mother and
! several daughters. These went to many
| entertainments, and in return gave sew
eral teas in their apartments. To one of
! these Mr.. Stockton was asked, and when
| his acceptance had been received there
was great rejoicing among the young
! folks, for only the mother. had met the
| author. This will be a good time to find
! out" the youngest of the girls said, ''if it
! was the lady or the tiger" The scheme
! by which the question was to be settled
! in two forms, one of lady and the other
of tiger. The guests We're served when
! the time came, each with one of the
! frozen pieces, but Mr.. Stockton received
on his plate LADY and tiger" The
! time had come when the girls would dis
cover the secret, for it had been
agreed that the answer to the question
would be the authors selection. If he
ate the lady it would be in favor of
! that side of the controversy; if he pre-
! ferred the tiger" the tiger would have
! it. 1t was an anxious moment for the
/ girls and their friends, who had been
] posted on the manner in which Mr..
| Stockton was to be trapped. He looked
| at the tempting ices a few seconds and
| then pushed the plate from him, saying,
! II will eat no ice today" The girls were
! laid plans had miscarried, and they and
| others now tell the story how they didn't
! find out if it was the LADY or the
| tiger"