Gloucester County Democrat., 1902-09-04
= CHAMP
: s'CLAR ks
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;. LETTER
Especial Washington Letter ]

senate, which he so greatly adorns and
where he is SO useful. The proof of
all of which is that ex-senator Edward
o. Wolcott is about to shake the dust
of the Centennial State from his shoes
and to locate where his political pros
poets will be brighter Rats desert a
sinking ship, and Wolcott deserts the
Republican party of Colorado. Every
body knows that he would stay there
and fight it out with Teller if he
thought he had ghost of a show
Teddy on His Ear.
The press dispatches inform US that
President Roosevelt is on his auricular
appendix because Brothers Babcock
and Overstreet, chairman and secre-
tary of the Republican congressional
committee, in compiling their CAM
paign book left him and his admins
tration out in the cold, when he not
unnaturally thought that he ought to
occupy the center of the stage. On
dit that Teddy, in fit of anger, per-
emptorily ordered those palpitating pa
triots to squelch their publication,
which they could not do, inasmuch as
they had mailed out 10000 copies be-
fore Teddy discovered how scurvily
he had been treated. AS Bah and
Overstreet recently dined with the
president, it may be assumed that they
have agreed to issue new edition.
But Teddy may possess his soul in
peace, for nobody reads Republican
campaign books.
A Sanguine Prophet.
General David Bremner Henderson,
Speaker of the house of representa-
tiyes. has taken up the role of prophet
and has assured the world in an off
hand sort of way that the country is
going Republican this fall, which is
important if true; but nobody ever ac-
cused General Henderson Of icing any
kin to Isaiah or any of the rest 2I the
major prophets. All their mantles fei4
on the shoulders of General Charles
Henry Grosvenor, prophet maximus of
the Hooking valley, who is very quiet
these days in his vaticination depart
ment. No Democrat need be scared by
General Hendersons prophecy. The
wish is father to the thought. He is
the most cheerful of mortals, the Mark
Tapley of American politics. He's an
optimist, which it is rattling good
thing to be. If he had lived at the
time of the flood, when Noah was
building the ark and predicting the de-
struction of all things by water, David
would have said: Boys, there isn't
going to be much of a shower. Noah
doesn't know what he is talking about.
So eat. drink and be merry" And he
and his cronies would have been
caught out in that forty days and forty
nights of rain, as they are likely to be
caught in the flood this fall. Ii re-
ports from Iowa are not greatly over
drawn, General Henderson had better
quit wasting his breath and time in
prophecy and get down to work or the
country is likely to lose the services Of
those great Republican statesmen
Hepburn, Lacy and Smith.
WhiteIaw's sorrowfuI Homecoming.
AS Mark Antony remarked on cele-
brated but doleful occasion, ''If you
have tears, prepare to shed them now"
Wherefore? Because Whitelaw Reid,
flunky extraordinary to the corona
tion of King Edward VII, did not, aft
er all, get to wear his knickerbockers
and other royal finery-that is, in pub
hc-a thing on which he had set his
heart. No doubt he donned them in
private and exhibited his lean and pad
ded calves to his wife, children and de-
mestic servants in that magnificent
house in Grosvenor square, the ultra
aristocratic quarter of London, ''the
modern Babylon" which he rented for
that august occasion. But, God be
praised, he was defeated in his mean
ambition to sport them in public, where
the worlds eye could feast on the deg
radiation of America and where lords
with pedigrees running back to the
conquest were walking backward and
making salaams to do honor to Albert
Edward Victim. That's the point on
which all good Americans will congrat-
ulate themselves. Whitelaw Reid. the
American aristocrat, did not have an
opportunity to cut his un-American
and fantastic flunky capers before
high heaven. Whitelaw did not get to
march in the royal and imperial pro-
cession and make holy show Of him
self and of US. His spirit was willing,
even eager, to thus abase himself and
his country and her institutions, but
fate spared that degradation, and I'm
nj alo ~ oIo
lot wheels of the great-grandson of
George III. Yea, Whitelaw, the SON
in-law of his father-in-law, was anx-
ious. He spent thousands on his
knickerbockers and other royal gim-
cracks. He quarreled with garter
much-a-chuch of the coronation cere-
monies is called, because he was as
Signed to ride back foremost in the
procession while the unspeakable Turk
and the head of the French flunkies, in
the same carriage, rode face front. He
roared so loud because the funkies of
the effete monarchies of Europe, Asia
and Africa should outrank our funky
in chief, the son-in-law of his father
in-law, that finally, to stop his whin-
ing, they assigned him a carriage all
to himself, which, after all, he did not
get to ride in, poor thing! Hence these
tears.
King Edward was sick, and conse-
quently funky Whitelaw, with his
knickerbockers and his finery, did not
have chance to overawe Cheapside,
Rotten row, Piccadilly, Whitechapel
and Bloomsbury square with his rib
bons, gewgaws, state carriage, liyeried
outriders and other royal and imperial
paraphernalia. Perhaps since the days
when Sancho Panza failed to secure
his island throne or since Darius
Green and his flying machine came
down to earth with dull, sickening
thud there never was greater disap-
pointment in this world than White
laws when he didn't get to ride in
that royal carriage, solitary and alone,
as chief of all American fiunkies He
had planned. SO it is said, to have
band of hired boys-in livery, of course