The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1902-03-26

sreoisl to the Scranton Tribune.
Susouehanna. March %. - Farmer
Samuel Walkup of Great Bend town
ship. a few months since withdrew 5000
from Blnghamton bank and placed it
In an old bureau for safe keeping. A
few weeks since he missed his roll"
and accused the hired man of the theft
The man was arrested, tried, and dis
charged.
Then the wife was accused OF the
theft. and the couple separated. While
Mr.. Walkup was removing his house,
hold effects, he discovered the remnants
OF his bank notes in a rats nest in an
old cupboard. He will send them to the
Identification bureau at Washington.
Mr.. and Mrs. Walkup have become
rcconciled and commenced housekeep-
ing again. 'r
JUST BETWEEN US.
Winter appears to be doing the lap
act.
The wives of Methodist ministers are
now wondering whether the carpeting
of the present parish house will fit the
floors Of the next one.
Candidates for county offices have
commenced to shake hands with voters
dnd kiss the babies.
There are stray maidens who still
cling to white stockings.-Forest City
News. Now. how did Judge Gelder dis
cover that?
The postoffice department appears to
be just a little two cents-atve on the
subject of penny postage.
Forest City is certain that spring is
here. She has just seen phoebe"
bird.
Say. num-" said tramp to a Sus-
quehanna woman. your dog just bit
me-" We'll. never mind" was the
soothing reply, "Ill wash his mouth"
Great Bend pastor paused in the
middle of his sermon and said: II saw
in an advertisement that the Erie Rail-
road company wants 10000 sleepers. I
think could supply fifty, and recon-
mend them as good and sound"
NEWS PARAGRAPHETTES
The funeral of the late Miss Ida
Rauner took place from the home of
the parents, Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Rau-
ner, Drinker street, on Sunday after
noon, Rev. E. T.. Riley, pastor of the
Presbyterian church. officiating. Inter-
ment was made in Evergreen cemetery.
The funeral OF Mrs. George Main, an
old and esteemed resident, took place
on Sunday afternoon from the family
residence on East Church street, Rev.
r.. E. Riley. pastor of the Presbyterian
church, officiating. The remains will be
taken to Alton. n. Y, on Monday
morning, for interment
A Starrucca woman, tired of life. on
Friday afternoon tried to exchange
worlds, via the laudanum route. The
opportune arrival of a physician
caused her to postpone the wearing of
wings.
SUSQUEHANNA'S FUTURE.
In letter to the Susquehanna board
Of trade. President It. ID. Underwood.
of the Erie Railroad company. saws.
among other things: THE Erie rail-
road has in the past, and will in the
future continue to manifest In a sub
stantial way it's appreciation of the adj
Vantages of Susquehanna as the point
for its principal shops. In our
opinion. no injury has been done Sus-
quehanna by the removal of depart-
ment offices. With the improvements
to come on the Erie railroad, in the
way of increased equipment, the work
To be done at Susquehanna shops will
be materially increased and in the near
future You will find that whatever
benefits your city may now be receiy-
ing from the presence of our shops at
Susquehanna will be augmented instead
of diminished"
WHOLLY UNPREMEDITATED
Five words to the witty: Never joke
with stupid people.
The bent pin usually carries its point.
Cabmen usually do the most driving
business.
The package of onion seed you re-
ceiVe from your congressman may pro- |
duce flat turnips-but then.
Some men go crazy on religion; but |
a good many might get far more of il |
without approaching at all near the |
danger point.
When the white man drove the In
dian from the Atlantic westward. he
made mistake. He should have gone
west and ''shooed" the copper faces
eastward. This climate was intended |
FOR Indians, bears and catamounts:
otherwise. the white man would have
heen born with hides like unto the
shamblng bear and the roaming buff
falo.
If Admiral Sampson seeks perfect
quietude. he made no mistake In select-
Ing Montrose as summer residence.
CONVERSION CAUSED INCARCER.
ALTON.
Allie Throop, the young man who
burned the Methodist church at Dora
Vile, near here. and confessed 1t after
he became converted to religion, has
been sent to the Elmirn refornn tor., |
for an indefinite period The pastor and
ofhcial board of the church and lead
ing citizens of the hamlet united i'm
petition to the Judge to suspend sem
tence, but 1t was refused, as the law
does not permit it.
IN A FEW LINES.
The local Methodsts contemplate the
erection of new church and manse.
In his letter to the board of trade
President Underwood. of the Erie. al
ludes to Susquehanna as "your beauti-
ful city" President Underwood keeps
his eyes open while in Susquehanna,
hence
Mrs. Janet Whitbrook, AN aged resi-
dent, has been stricken with paralysis.
Erie Hose company, No |, is prepar-
ing for fair.
There Is every reason to believe that
Hon, G. Fred Wright. of Susquehanna.
VIII be re-nominated at the congress
slonal conference, soon to be held at
Honesdale.
1T PAYS TO BE POLITE.
Three years ago, Miss Anna Hetrick,
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SHAKE INTO YOIIR SuOES