The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1902-01-07

Exaniner--What Is an antiquarian
Boy-An old codger that always wants
| To be prodding about things that are old
| er than hisseIf.
The orator commenced his pcrcration
with these words; as Lady Godlva said
toward the end of her memorable ride. I
am nearing my clothes
Two little girls were walking together.
who Is your little friend?" q passer-by
asked one
"Oh. she Is my twin stepsister." said
the little girl.
out
First Scotchman-That was a grand SER
mon OF the ministers on the creation OF
the world
Second Scotchman-Ay. but what puz-
zles me is how the Creator occupied HIM
self before he began 10 make the world.
First Scotchman--iIe was planning out
hell for over-inquisitive bodies.
They were small boys swapping lies.
MY father said the first. saved so
many peoples lives that he couldn't re-
member how many they was"
THAT ain't nOthn'," quoth the other
with scorn. my fader had so many med
ais for saving life that one day when he
had 'em all on and fell inter the water
the weight of metal pulled him down
and he was drowned"
"Of course, little woman" counseled
the old fame. who was to be turned
down To make room for the young col
lege chap III YOU think he really loves
you
Loves me3 Doesn't ne write me three
and four Letters every day2"
Precisely but that isn't love: that's
what Is classified AS the literary pro-
pensitN.' what elsep'
The female heart ls not far from tho
head. yet common sense finds the route
an Impossible labyrinth.
AHA" sneered Mrs. Pitcher. getting
back into bed after peering through the
bedroom Nenetians at the breaking day,
'it Is the man that Is MP and doing in the
early morning that conduers the world
Tie Is the man that IL able TO retire at 90.
Mr.. Desboroush. next door has lust gone
on. bright and alert though Il Is only
hslf-psst g."
Yes assentcd Pitcher as he turned
over he's gone shooting With Jack Al
len-told me las night"
And diatribcs on early industry went
down several points.
\ nervous looking eirl consulted doc
tor. who asked her what she was suffer
ing from Her answer was as follows.
IT m n telephone girl doctor. and the
work Is terrible strain on nay nerves
The monotony W having a receiver con-
stantly at my ears and saving 1Ielloa"
tells upon my ucrves when on duty 7
am always having 'lclloa" ringing a.
my ears and I am constantly saving a.
When ! 80 20 he'd ! awake up from sleep
saying 'liclloa' ana even when ] kneel
TO say my prayers I instlnctivclv say
Helloa" before commence them"
An occasional correspondent Of The
SUNDAY Csu who spent the summer I'm
London. brought hack the following an
ccdotes and witticisirnf which he believes
have the merit OF freshness and point
smoking. sir said citizen. kills |
many men WHY an uncle Of niue. who !
took 10 smoking died from the result al
- wears of age
~ dout seo what no had much Go com |
plain of f he lived till then" said his |
English friend
'fomplsin or WHY. that man was 80 |
strong and healthy that n ID hadn't been \
for smokiue they would hevs had 90 shoot /
him ON the DAY ~ Judgment"
\ lady eueassd eirl % rs 80 a maid
Nuer che had heen month ln her ser
lice the isdy ssked " she hsd heard from 4
isr mother The siri said she Rad had I
me letter bat did not know vhst was in
T. - she could not read writing The \
sdy told her 70 bring IL and that she