The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1902-04-11
WHY HE HATES CATS
ny HOLM H. RAFTERY.

DuBs, L IN Bldu, because IL tIe uoHleSClC "a
has any excuse for living outside OF play
acting, I've never discovered it.
The wise and witty man from Dallas
pulled out his navy twist, cut off two
ounce chew and resumed:
"For nigh so years O. my life, willing to
love all animals, including mankind and ter
rapin, | never could do any better by the cat
than give her the benefit of the doubt. The
doubt being considerable, the preponder-
ance o evidence being, so to speak, against
!he cat, kept her on the waiting list till
was past 50, and then [ wiped her off the
slate even as hundred to one shot, made
new book with Fido as top choice, and
now-never mind how old am--I'm willing
to back the dog, from Llewellyn settlers
down to pugs, against all cat Corners
"Bll Sewers 'sot me- finally against cats.
Bill married an old maid over at Austin, and
we all allowed it'd turn out fine for her be-
cause Sewers was a man O. fine sentiments,
tender as a woman and powerful partial to
pets. Twas about four years after Bills
wedding [ met him up at Galveston. He
was walking along with fine-looking boy
about II years old, so says l: Hello, Bill,
that your boy" Yes, says he. Mighty
big and sassy for four-year-old,' says 1.
Yep, says Dill. IlOW yOuI NIC5 lCLi
Got none, says he, grinning glad-like; /
shunted her an she shunted me- So | in
vited him and the kid to go trolling on the
bay with me, an with the little fellow in
the bow, where he couldn't hear and Bill
and me in the stern-sheets trolling, the old
chap ups and yarns me the story.
Know how I love dawgs" says he;
well, thar was the fust trouble. Arabella,
l. b nn,- ftnY,+ hay I'D
din she landed up on the place with seveL
o the orneriest lookin' grimalkins at ever
sponged often white man. Well, Tillman
you know Tillman-the big one-eyed set
ter, he killed five on 'em fust thing.
When Bella seen me latin she begin cryin'
an vowed all my dawgs-I had only 'leven
then-'ud have to 60 Course ups an roars,
but fn'ly we comp missed by me agreein' to
send the dawgs over to Junk Days an her
submittin' to reduce TIL cats stable to jest
one favorite
"TWell sir, Bill, that thar beast turned
out to be the peskiest, meanest, most owda-
cious thing I ever seen, forever gittin I'M
der my feet, settin on Bella's lap, cornerin'
tn best they wuz an maxim Bella talk baby
talk, till one day got sure 'nough riled an
kicked the blame tabby outen the winder,
Course that fetched on a hullabaloo an
from that day on they want no peace in Bill
Sewers house. Bella was for bringin' me
into subsection t. tn goll-darned cat an l
was fur bringin' her an tn cat into subjec-
ton t Bill Sewers 1t was what mought be
called a armed truce, but | WIZ gettin rilier
an rilier all the time becuz Bella was ever
lastin'ly a-lavishin' herself on the cat an
spitin' me every way her an the burned cat
could rig up.
"'Course | wuz gettin' lonesomer an lone
somer, not havin' no dawgs nor no kids, so
when Junk Days wife died | sot my no
tons on adoptin' one O her kids. That's
him out thar in the bow right now. He
wuz comm twelve an right peart I'm when
landed him up in tn house an told Bella
I'd adopted him. At fust she TUX tom near
as tender like as eff he wuz a young tom cat,
but fust think l knowed Zeke, that's his
given name, he begun. tyin' strings to Bella's
cats tail an putin paper boots on the
burned feline So Bella begun awollopin'
Zelze, an with me takin' up fur him, an him
fghtin' back at tn cat an the said cat get
tim back at Zeke, they wuz h to pay
for shore Zeke slep' with me and tn cal
slep' with Bella, an fur a spell we KEEP apart
an had no truck in common. Bella KEEP
aloollin' solemner an solenner, a-glarin' at
Zeke an a-scowlin at me till fn'ly she ups
and tells me that Zeke's bin Robin her
She got offul serious an says she'd been miss
in rings and small jew'lry for a long spell
an he'd actually found 'em all that day
slowed away in Zeke's little tool chest I'd
bought fur his brit day. | ask Zeke am he
ups and swears he never took nothin', but
Bella want satisfied till she makes him ad
NIT that he knowed the things wuz in his
chest all tn time. Course | had t lick him
then, but he never quit swearin' that he
didn't know how tn stuff got into his
chest.
"' 'Twant two days after that thar fust
set-to when Bella comes t me an says Zekt
has gone an stole a dollar bill outen hel
drawer. She fetched me in my room an
pnted out the greenback, all rumply and
poked down in the tool box So | licked
Zeke agin' an Bella she licked him agin'
an the pore kid was Almost broke down
but still stickin' to it that he never stole
nothin'. Lickin Zeke was bad enough or
my sperits, but what made me hotter'n al
wuz tn way Bella's DANCED old cat enj'yed
the leatherin' Zeke was gettin'. That nigh
while her an tn cat was at tea | put an
other dollar bill on the dresser, TUX augul
an bored a hole in Bells door an another
in my door. Then | made her fetch up hel
everlastin' cat an put it into the bedroom
When I'd locked both doors after a-lightin
lamp in her room an another in me an
Zeke's, fetched Bella out, leavn' the dana
cat inside, an told her to set down on tn,
floor an watch at the augur hole what the
cat mought do. went to tn door an lowed
that I'd speak out what | seen the cal
a-doin'.
'"Has she begun p'formin'?" l as
Bella yep" says Bella, peekin through
at Tabby, "she's a-playin' on the dresser
she's a-6ddhn' with a ribbon r suthin'-
here she comes with ats a greenback
Bill" says Bella, "an' she's a-goin' fur YOU
roomi"
ocean here she comes" says l, peekin
in my hole IAN your gol-dinged old cat il
a-puttn' the money in Zeke's tool chest'
! cam so twas That cat wuz the guilt
est loollin' thief | ever seen when | opened
| the door an showed Bella the money tucked
down in Zeke's box But Bella, she jus
busted out a-cryin' am said | wuz a low
down scoundrel fur putin up sech meas
| ly trick on a pore cat. That thar crack set
tied it tween Bella am me. | jest laid TO
| Tabby that evenin' with two bar'ls of goose
shot an tn fur is flynn yet. Bella she moved
over to her cousin Jinkinses an sued me an
Zeke fur divorce, got it all right, an nov
she's sot up in cat foundry over by tn