The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-02-25
TROUBLES OF JOBsON

Jobson to the theater is about as follows:
About week before the arrival of the
show he looks over the theatrical ads.
"CIm," he says to Mrs. Jobson, in a
vague, absent-minded tone, "this ought to
be good performance" naming the play.
Maybe We'll go"
Perhaps there is no actual malice in the
lndehmteness with which he makes this re-
mark, but the fact remains that he always
goes right down to the box Office on the
very next day and purchases two seats for
the performance. He never, under any cir
cumstances, says word about it to Mrs.
Jobson, and she has no more means of
knowing that she is booked for the the
alter on certain night than she has of read
ing the riddle of the stars.
When the night arrives Mr. Jobson slips
upstairs along toward half-past six, while
Mrs. Jobson picks up the paper.
Mr.. Jobson noiselessly proceeds to get into
his evening clothes. About half-past seven,
coughing quite loudly, he descends the
stairs with his usual heavy tread, and in
full regalia, and only lacking his overcoat
and hat, he walks in upon Mrs Jobson
lin house jacket and slppers), who is still
immersed in the news, and gazes at her
with an expression of the most profound
amaZement.
"Well,' he says to her, raspingly, "are
you ready?"
READY" inquiries Mrs. Jobson, drop
ping the newspaper in alarm and gazing
at him in mystifed way. Ready for
what?"
Ready for what, Mrs. Jobson?" he in
quires of her, in a strained, tense tone.
"Do you imagine that I'm asking you if
you're ready to accompany me to dog
fight over at the other end of the Long
bridge? Didn't tell you no later than at
the dinner table this evening that I'd be
obliged if you'd contrive to be ready to 90
to the theater with me at a quarter to
eight at the latest this EVENING""
VI course he had never even mentioned
the matter to her once, but Mrs Jobson
is always too wise under such circumstances
to tell him So
While Mr.. Jobson is still in the act of
glaring at her, and mussing up his hair
over what he calls her ''failing memory"
she is on her way, at a gentle canter, to her
upstairs dressing-room. After lapse of
about two minutes from her departure from
the sitting-room, and while she is still
washing her hands and face Mr. Jobson
strides out to the hall and bawls up the
stairway:
Are you ready yet?'
/ "In just a minute" Mrs Jobson calls
down; and then she rushes through a
lightning-change toilet such as variety cart
lists" of that description never dreamed of.
BY the time she rushes downstairs to
don her wrap she feels certain that if any
one pin were to give way she would suffer
| embarrassment for the remainder of her
natural life.
On the way to the car Mr. Jobson growls
because Mrs. Jobson is putting on her
| gloves on the street, and he hustles her
along by saying that they might arrive
at the playhouse in time to see the final
lineup before the fall of the curtain on
the last act, and, altogether, Mrs. Jobson
feels as if she is running away from a burn
ing hotel
Then the Jobsons get to the theater be-
fore the orchestra plays the overture.
Last week, however, in going through the
pockets of a business suit that Mr.. Jobson
had left off that morning to be sent to the
cleaners Mrs. Jobson found two tickets for
theatrical performance for Wednesday
night of this week. Mr.. Jobson had quite
casually told her about week before that
he had half a mind to take in that show.
When she found the tickets Mrs Jobson
mentally decided that she wouldn't be
caught again, and that she would for once
give herself enough time to make ready for
the theater.
1t happened that Mr.. Jobson got to tink-
ering with a fountain pen that wouldn't
work after he'd finished reading the paper
on Wednesday evening, and Mrs. Jobson
perceived that he was so interested in the
job that he had forgotten all about the
theater for that night. She didn't men
ton it to him, but at a quarter to seven, she
silently tripped upstairs and began to dress.
| Mr.. Jobson was so immersed with the
balky fountain pen that he didn't notice
her absence. AT 20 minutes to Mrs job
son, arrayed to the limit in every detail,
including hat, wrap and muff, walked into
the sitting-room where Mr.. Jobson was
still fooling with the Stubborn pen.
Ready" asked Mrs Jobson.
"Wha-wha-" Mr.. Jobson started to
say, and then he stopped very short and
flushed very red. He knew that she had
found those tickets, and he knew that he
had to do some quick thinking or she would
certainly "have it on him."
Am | ready for what, pray?" he in
CURED, cooly, after tremendous effort to
pull himself together. whats this all
about? What are You all diked out for?
Where's the joker"
| why, tne theater, you know, SAID Mrs.
Jobson, innocently, reaching into her mutf
and producing the tickets.
An expression of the greatest surprise
crossed Mr.. Jobson's features.
do you mean to tell me" he inquired,
taking the tickets from her and looking at
them, chat that internal pulp-headed box
office imbecile gave me tickets for Wednes-
day evening, when l told him l wanted
! 'em for rhurSdav eyenipp9o
So far as getting one" on Mr.. Jobson is
concerned, Mrs. Jobson has about given it
up. He scurried into his Tuxedo and got
ready for the theater, declaring that he
didn't intend to be chiseled out of three
dollars on account of the stupidity of any
| box-otfice man, and to give his case the
finer point, he lectured the box-office man
| when he got to the theater for giving him
the wrong seats. Mrs. Jobson is more than
ever convinced that, if she ever expects to
catch Mr.. Jobson mapping under any cir
cumstances whatsoever, she'll have to re-
main up all night to do it.-Washington
Star.