The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-08-13

- INV "a Va ~ n ~
the auditorium of the McSweeney In
stitute of Ancient History, on the sub
ject "Laureus and Her People in
1902" reported In the Imperial Weekly
Encyclopedias Digest, issue of July 18th
1909:
Ladies and Gentlemen :-(Omitting
the usual sa, utations to royalty. Jour sub
lect for this evening Is au ancient, pc
culiar and enigmatic one. Let us
chase ourselves back nearly a hundred
years. III we began I o describe the
town OF that day, starting at the inter-
section of Caroline and Main Streets,
which are now Talhert Boulevard and
Tillman Avenue, we learn that on the
right was a small brick building
Both institutions have pissed away,
and In their places we have the
new passenger station of the IIterna-
tional Aerial Navigation Company.
Pursuing u way down Main street,
we come to q large square area, face
tiously dubbed the Square" sur
rounded by q lot of stores, booths,
cafes, offices and dispensarys. This
area is to-day the courtyard of the
Palmetto Palace, where our beloved
sovereign's children play ping-pong,
have the measles, and read panama
Hats, Their Uses and Abuses" by
Theodore Roosevelt, and "How To Dig
the Istbm'an Canai' by Marco Boz
arrls. La the center of this Square"
was the Court House, a political mu-
scum in those days, but now having
been removed to Postum Hollow, is
used as a Hall Of Fame. There is a
curious legend connected with our
Coronation Stone. 1t is said to have
been a rock that was placed by un.
known hands in prehistoric times in
front Of the Ben-Della botel, and used
in 1902 as q footstool by n gang of pro-
moters who congregated around it
every day. The individuals are sid to
have smoked the rernicious to ,"co
weed, and discussed the use and abuse
of Coca Cola and slot machines. Sew
eral OF these bearers of Burdens"
convicted their friends of being adj
dicted to the work habit. Incidentally
they accumulated huge fortunes. One
paying scheme they projected was to
build an Ice Factory, but it was later
abandoned because of the discovery
that the manufactured article would
melt In hot weather. Aud about this
time the theory was advanced that
milk would sour during a thunder
storm.
BY the way, you remember, or some
OF you do, that it was 1927 that this old
Laurens became a Pr~incipality, the
State Of South Carolina being made an
Empire. The nine townships were
changed to ~Dukedoms, and the town of
Laurens became the capital of the
Principally. Later on / hope to be
able to give you a complete list of the
Dukes. Some of our Barons, Earles,
etc, for instance, the Barony OF Nc
Gowan, the Earldom of frby, Duchy of
Sullivan, Corony of Cooper, Borough
of Godfrey, Duchy of Nichols, take
their names from some gentlemen that
were candidates for the Legislature.
Legislature is a term denoting an as
sembly Of wise men for the purpose of
law-making and drawing $500 per diem
for 40 days and nights. This body was
a success in the latter particular. 1t
was such q cumbersome machine that
it eventually caused the downfall of q
republican form of government and
gave us the "Unit Idea" in govern.
mental administration. This idea or
iginated, perhaps, by plsgiarizing on
the principle applied to the manu-
facture of book cases.
Now, kind friends, | am indebted in
collecting my information to the files
of local newspapers. The data culled
from a perusal of them is generally re-
liable despite q contrary opinion pre-
valent In those days. | am impressed
with the crudeness Of the postal facili-
ties in vogue in that era OF "cocacola-
ISM" Mail was brought to old Lau-
rens only once n day; was distributed
by hand with some delay, during the
hottest part of the day; was put into
peculiar boxes that opened on the out
side by means OF keys. Letters were
| nncfo1 hr ,1rnrnir~ fhn .1ot,
which eventually broke the backs Of
persons iudulging in this relic of bar.
bar;sm! What a contrast with our
system. We drop q letter in q cylinder
behind u front doors, and by means
of compressed gas, 1t Is carried to the
post office, where it regulates itself in
q metallic CRATE work contraction in
front Of an operator, who by striking
the proper key of a machine similar to
a typewriter, it is deposited i'm the
p oper mail bag. Mail is delivered
now by wire or pneumatic pouches
as the person desires. These wonder
full inventions are due to the benign
patronage OF beloved Prince, and
could not have been possible in the
United States. cloud and continued
applause by the nobility
Books In this day are written by a
staff of pen pushers, employed by the
Prince. Formerly they were written
at random by literary freaks. They
are now loaned out to all who desire
them, whereas in that ancient day they
were procured by the denizens, from a
public library instituted and kept up
by a small co'erie of ladies. This pub
lie library was the beginning Of the
magnificent Royal Archives Of Litera-
ture and Art, standing as you know on
the old Dick Nugent place, over in
Brooklyn borough. Can the "Leop-
arI's Spots" compare In literary finish
with the successful novels of this sum.
mer, such as "Horace on Mint.iulrps;"
1.-THE Telephone Belle" or GA Beauty
Heard but Unseen," by Aggie Agui.
naldo, of LUZon, or "How to Win q
Woman by use of Fly-papers," by The
Prince of Monte Christie. Vigorous
handclapping and q shower of roses J
Now, just another observation and
my stunt is Over. In 1902 an auto
mobile line was started to ply between
the depot and all points in the burg,
The machines were propelled by mulis-
trine and horsngeC and operated by
small boys for the benefit and behoof
OF their pa, and this practice gave
rise to the great cry of Child Labor.
We cannot appreciate the speed OF
these curios liying to day when we
travel In the "segarochute." (This Is
an airship as its names implies ~conical
shaped ;. AS | see that his Majesty
"Dispensarola" has just blown up, l
Will stop at this juncture. / think we
can derive mutual profit from the dis