Omaha daily bee., 1902-11-21
BITS OF WASHINGTON LIFE.
Minor scenes and Incidents sketched
on the Spot.

Minor scenes and Incidents sketched
on the Spot.
The Postofhce department has awarded a
conspicuous place on the humbug list to a
Missouri genius who compounded a tabloid
Of whisky warranted to produce as much
ecstasy and self-esteem as three fingers OF
the best Kentucky vintage and at a price
calculated to make all topers hl the arch
ing heavens with bowls OF Joy. So the Mis-
sourian said. But the postmaster general
slyly remarked, You'll have to show me-"
The Missourian was willing to experiment
on others and the P. M. G. furnished the
victims. Calling to his presence a gentle
mar from Kentucky. a man from Indiana
and a fellow from Massachusetts,, all of the
postal corps, General Payne delivered six Of
the tablets to each, with Instructions to
follow the directions plainly printed on the
labels and to report progress to him next
evening.
The gentleman from Kentucky alone was
absent from the meeting Of the following
day. Investigation showed that he had dis
solved the six tablets in one goblet of
water, had gulped down the mix and would
be unable to report for duty in less than
six days. The man from Indiana was able
" uhNlkdlbg Mhll0 lhb CAAgW
chusetts tearfully begged to be excused
from further compulsion to turn his stom-
ach into a headache mixture filter or he
would be compelled to resign his member
ship in the prohibition party.
The experiment was, however, eminently
satisfactory. 1t convinced the postmaster
general that there was no good substitute
for the real article. and tabloid DRINKS were
excluded from the mails.
From Private" John Allen, one of the
commissioners Of the st. Louis exposition,
comes the best story about the presidents
hunting excursion in Mississippi. Private
Allen. who acquired his honorable title by
reason of his frequent declaration that he
was proud to have been the only private
In either army, was met by a friend in
Pennsylvania avenue the other day.
"Hullo, Private" said the friend, jocu-
larry, how does 1t happen that when
President Roosevelt is shooting bears down
in your state you are keeping so far
awayT"
"Sh-h-," said Allen, mysteriously, and,
taking his interrogator by the lapel OF the
coat he led him into a doorway. Keep it
quiet" he whispered, darkly, but the
reason is I'm a bear" Since then "Pri-
vate" Aliens friends have been studying
the market anxiously.
Some Washington correspondents asked
Congressman Grosvenor of Ohio for a
prophecy as to the outcome OF the fight
for speaker. Every we'll. boys" said he,
"Ill go into a trance and tell you what
1 see." Stroking his white beard and as
Stunning a PARKWAY look, he continues:
81 cannot see any one in the speakers
chair except Uncle joe Cannon. I see him
now, pounding the desk with his gavel or
saving the air with that long arm as he
expounds parliamentary law. l can only
see Santa Claus and here the general
laid his hand on his own breast-"down In
his old seat on the floor; l see Dalzell
leading the host In a fight for a rule; ! see
Babcock in his accustomed place, diplomatic
and able; l see Payne and Sherman pursu-
ing their accustomed roles and Littleheld
doing business at the old stand-all this I
see in my vision, but Uncle joe is in the
chair"
Considerable sly fun. says a New York