The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-10-16
CHOP SUEY.

of the delay and Stygian biackness.
Those who succeeded in getting cos
enough to speak to him got little Ior
their pains. He was as rigid as ms
gate Speculation as to the cause anu
duration of the delay was rlfe amohs
the crowd but dependable information
was entirely absent. People whose pa
thence was entirely exhausted Workeu
their imagination, while others Were
contented lust to cuss the road leil
disposed to join the latter, until, scrin1,
naging around and humping into al
sorts of people 1 didn't know, L bumped
into Grimes, whom l do know, anu
whom in fact I would little rdt"eI
meet than anyone else. He is thor
oughgoing good fellow His temper anu
friendship are always dependable, anu
at times he is amusing, although ne
doesn't mean to be- You see ne Is an
Englishman. and comes from a Wen
connected family. a fact whlch some
times causes him to wrap his genu1ty
around him as if it were garment
Moreover, he always takes hilnseIs
quite seriously and there is nothing OF
the bohemian about him. But, as l said
before, he is just the best fellow in the
world, and I was mighty glad to meet
binl-
What's the matter?" 1 asked
Grimes always gets facts.
Boiler gone wrong, switches can't De
worked, power house shut down; won
get the mess cleared up for two hours
~eplied Grimes conclusively.
Gee willikinsl How are we gong 10
get homer" 1 asked.
Take the elevated. then the electric.
then walk" he said.
Grimes is nothing. if not laconic-
What and hang on a strap all the
way out2-not if the court knows itself
Besides it is beastly riding on the cleo
trio, and walk will be 'wuss. Tell you
what. Let's have supper in town and
then take in a show. They'll have the
line oDen by the time we want to go
home. Come on"
THAT is not bad idea he said, after
q pause. Lots of nights we might have
come all the way in for just that very
purpose, and here we are"
Yes, here we are" l rejoined. Come
on. let's git " and so we worked our
way through the crowd, CROPPED up the
stairway and out into the street.
Where do we get supper" was the
first question.
1 was already Drimed for this AT
the Chop Suey," 1 replied decisively.
And what the dickens is the Chop
Suey?" he inquired.
why, it's a Chinese restaurant, of
course I said, and from the height of
my superior knowledge q had been
there once) 1 explained the nature of the
animal.
Yes. but what'n we get to eat" he
said
Chop suey. of course" I told him.
But you told me Chop Suey was the
restaurant" he said in an aggrieVed
tone. We can't eat the whole restau-
rant, you know"
In a tone of resigned patience I ex-
planned to Grimes that the Chop Suey
took its name from its principal dish
went into detail. Chop was the Chinese
verb Ito eat" and suey Was-wel, just
suey and the two together make a kind
Of stew, which is called chop suey. 1t
consisted of some sort of meat cut up
fine, and celery and vegetables of all
kinds chopped up with celery, and some
other things mixed in with celery.
n no
wei, it is the only think you can
Identify for sure" 1 told him. This was
slip on my part ought to have let
him find it out.
L think we will go TO the Bismarck"
he said.
I think we won't" replied.
Then let's try Vogelsangs,' and he
frightened up visibly.
My dear boy, 1 am going to the Chop
Suey, and you are coming with me.
Really, you'll like it They serve you
the finest rice you ever tasted, and tea
breWed for the gods, and funny lite
Chinese bowls to drink it out Of
Grimes didn't give in-he never does
give ln-but he came along my way
and 1 felt It was next to me to make
him happy. l told him all the newest
jokes l had heard, but they smashed to
pieces on his outer shell or fell harm
lessly around him like cOmfts at
Florentine festival. I made puns. and
he ripped them up, analysed them and
handed them back with the sawdust
shaken out. But 1 wasn't going to be
discouraged. I plunged into the story of
the western senator's wife who wanted
to do the benign protectOress act to d
gOrgeously attired Chinaman at some
Washington assembly. He happened to
be an attache of the Chinese legation
and a graduate from one of our eastern
colleges. but she didn't know that. She
tapped him on the shoulder with her
fan and said. sweetly, "Speakee iii Mel
lcan?' and when he, in a fine bass voice
and faultless accent: turned and said
Madam, what can I do for you?" she
sort of felt as if she wished she hadn't
We had lust reached the Chop Suey
when l had finished telling this Some
how one always feels disposed to ad-
dress a Chinaman facetiously or at
least in pigeon English. But what in
Huced me to address the Chinaman
whom we found presiding over the des-
TIMES of the Chop Suey in French 1
can't for the life of me understand You
see I know that language only as the
average schoolboy knows the Ten Com
mandments-that is, I can identify it in
print. OF course l studied Ollendorf at
school, and have acquired a few French
ldiotiSms from an early and iII-advised
course of Ouida. and even since then
have dipped into the Berlin Bertillion
Eystem with a hope that some day I
really might find the criminal who stole
the gardeners (fem) steel pen (mas).
and why. l have never succeeded. al
though sometimes I have thought l was
ECNlltlS WdAAut Dul don t gen
orally air my French in public places
Even this time did not commit myse if
very deeply. l simply said to this al
mond-eyed misunderstanding boxer:
'Salue M'suie. comment VOC porter
vOo?''
1t was puerile and inane, of course
but did it, and the result was simply
astonishing. The Chnaman started un
from his stupor as if electrified He
looked like a man who hears his native
language spoken for the first time in
twenty years. Before could throw mr.
my guard I was being fairly battered
with French expletives. This scion OF
of the Society of Sanctified Fists had
me upper-cut, cross buttocked and fair
Iy in Coventry. French was avine
around like sleet in a sou-wester.
How was 1 to know the freak talked
French. I stopped few of his leads
but 1 was fairly dazed and faded a t ths
end of the first round. OF course