, 1902-09-12

Fred-Never mind old man. Akwom-
ans mo" very often mea "yes.T Tom
But she didn't say mo-" She said
init"
You can't have your cake and pat 1t,
but you can eat your own CAKE and
swipe the other fello~'s.-Ohio State
Journal.
The Man (entering the store)-tHaye
you typewriter ribbongf The Fresh
Girl (behipd the contet-Is she blonde
orr brunette?
Husband treading the p~aper)-fWhat-
fools some men will make OF Them
seves. Wife-Now, Henry, dearl what
have you done this time?
Edith-You know that new )horse
papa named after you? Well. he's
proved to be quite worthless, and papa
Is going to shoot him.-Puck.
Mamma, i don't understand these
fre.ffes." Mamma-What puzzl9s you,
dear? '"weli, amt 1t funny th&t the
wind don't blow their. lights .outT
E~Ghpreh-I. never eros bridge unI
tuaf come tp-fts notham-WelLiyf you
Erefer TO: the Breeklyn bridge, yosAA have
good deal OF trofb1s even thenl
The Hostess-Therss one .thin4 that
can bs said forAffE ralkingfgy-she
never retails. scandal. The CALLER
kNo5 The Hostese#No; whoieAale ex-
ciuslysyi-Puek II
THE NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. mad that
lighthouse keeper mpst be-le has
lighted. that lamp a dozen times since
I have been watching, and It has gone
out every time.-Life.
-"By the way" reminded the curious
inquirer whats a synonymous ex-
preston for talking shop9'" "Vell,"
replied Joakley, there's ~'tonsorisl en-
porium,' and %haircutting .parlof.'"-
Philadelphia Press. -
'That Mr.. Squeezem had nothing but
praise for your sermon today said
the minister's wife. after church. Eyes,
l noticed that when the plate was
passed around" said the pastor, sadly:
-Yonkers Statesman.
The Pug-I suppose since the bulldog
lost his teeth he doesn't bite any tnoref
The ~Poodle-Only Miss Maud's gentle
men callers. The Pug-Wby themj2 The
Poodle-They are such soft young men.
Philadelphia Record.
Bowman-My recital was a splendid
success. The audience was fired with
enthusiasm. Bridge-Mercyl Weren't
you afraid of a confagration? There
! was SO much paper In the house you
kn~ow.-Boston Transcript.
"Why is It," said the self-censfious
young man who is to be married, f'that
all the world loves a loyer" PIPER
haps," answered the coarse and cyni-
cal person. sit is because pity ikakin
acknowledgements
How IS it that ~
the street cars. nowaC< !erly
YOU never arose to give your
seat" Eyes; but now | a. lring
patent leather shoes, and if l sN very
one walks on them.'-Toledo Beel
Jack-Yes, l had a little balance in
bank, but l became engaged two
months ago, and now Ned(-Ahl
love makes the world go round. Jack
Yes. but | didn't think it would go
round SO fast as to cause me I'd lose
my Observation-Disclosures Press.
Butler (recently engaged by a newly
1edged millionaire)-At what hour
would you wish to dine, sir? Million
airc-At what hour do the best people
dine? Butler depressing a smilet--Oh,
they dine at different times, sir. Mil
lionaire-Goodi Then / also will dine
at different times!
But" Kissed the heavy villain sup
pose our plot Should leak out" His
miserable accomplish shivered at the
thought. "But it can't" cried the low
comedian, emerging at that moment
from behind a stage tree, because
from now on the plot ~thickens, you
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Press.
Remarkably warm, Isn't it," said
the man who is always cropping for
something to say. mo-" answered the
person who is ill-natured In warm
weather.; "this kind of weather has
occurred in every July / can remem-
Der. II ISL l Ill INC CdS
1t is merely disagreeable. washing.
ton Star.
"Dearie,' said Mrs. Loveydovey, Il
see in the paper that a man out west
has had his stomach removed. l Won
der why?" g" suppose" said Mr..
Loveydovey, "that his wife persists in
trying to cook all the new-fangled
things she reads about In the recipe
department of the Ladies Home Week
ly."-Judge. -
Waiter-Have a piece of ~ sir2
Pincher-No, thank you; l never eat
pie. 1t doesn't agree with me. Waiter
To every person who has eaten n
order we give pie without extra
charge. Pincher-Come to thirk 1t
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