New-York tribune., 1902-01-22

"Oh. Mr.. Reedr' gushed a young woman 20 the
ex-speaker the other day. when he was IN Wash
ington business "I would like TO hear you
make epigrami
Excuse me. madam he replied: this 4. my day
for composing epic poems"
rf1 The Diplomats % ss ;D deP' see why
Hes the most dishonest grocer in the neighbor-
How can you gay such a thing!" exclaimed Mrs.
Hauskeep, who is growing dstressingly stout.
I only weigh 1871. / think he's real gentIemaniy."-
philadelphia Press.
NJ. De Witte is perhaps the greatest Finance Min
lister Russia has had and in his last report
has painted as gloomy view Of the industrial and
economic situation OF the empire any of his
predecessors have done in its darkest days of war
bankruptcy and famine The metal industries he
says. are on the verge of ruin; the textile nearly
bad: in twenty years the productivity of the
land has diminished over one-quarter; pro-
duces less than one-ffth the same area In Amer-
lea; the number of houses has diminished nearly
onehalf In thirty years nearly half the population
are hopelessly in arrears with their taxes and the
only parts OF the empire which show signs of
prosperity those Inhabited by non-Russian
populations-F1nlsnd Poland and the Caucasus 1t
is not favorable showing for Russia's aggressive
purposes, though she is little accustomed TO abate
them on account OF hard times or the penury and
sufferings of her people.
Simple Simon went a-fshing
For TO catch trout:
q O
And there pulled sixty outl
An unsophisticeted old woman asked a dr11rri,t
the other day II he had any soap. Yes ma'am."
he replied. do you want 1t scented or unscent-
ed7" Well she replied, "bein' it's small. I
guess I'll take It along with me-
An impossible Person.-Mrs. oueery-Isn't she
Mrs, ,Gadaboqt-Not any more. We had to get
rid of her, She would have disorganized us
Mrs Gada6out-Yes; at one of our sessions we
said the best way TO solve the problem was for
all OF US to stay home and do our work.
tipathy to Jews is reported in tho Portuguese
army. the ranks Of which only include a single
Jew named Athias So long as he remained In
the ranks this man escaped notice. but some few
months ago he had the i'll luck to be recommended
for a commission The whole body of officers at
once petitioned against the presence of a Jew and
ever since have made Athas's life miserable that
he himself, has had to take the initiative in OBJ
tanning permission to remain in this non-commis-
stoned grade. and to be transferred to another
army is attributed to the substitute system of
which Jews almost wholly avail themselves
In the Swim--'ThereT' said Mrs. Cumrox 1T
guess we have at last eclipsed the Van Fiams as
papers that our recent entertainment cost $40 ooo
But the Van Flams claim that theirs cost
Yes; but an AFFIDAVIT will go with our ngures"-
washington Star
The stewards of the English Jockey Club an
nounce that at no meeting In Great Britain held
under their rules will average of more than two
selling races daily be permitted and they declare
furthermore that trainer will be allowed to reg
lister himself under assumed name. These regu-
Iations evidently sound and wholesome and
ought to be adopted promptly upon the American
turf.
Young Pessimist-'Graciousr' exclaimed Mr.
Phamliman TO MS spouse, we've had much rain
some time" -
I'm tell you how you make sure of IT, pa"
said the bright little boy. Just gimme a quarter
to up for rainy day. and I'll bet there
won't be one for year."-(PhiIadephia Press $50