davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23
THE MAGIC NUMBER.
A suEgestiOn by the Cynic That Set
the Others Thinking.

the others THINKING.
II often hear Of the magic number"
said some one. what number is itT
why. nine, Of course" replied some
one else. There are nine muses., you
know, and you talk Of nine days
wonder. Then you bowl mt ninepins.
and q cat has nine lives"
"Nonsensev' broke in another "Sev-
en- Is the magic number. Seventh
heaven, don't you know, and all that;
seven colors In the rainbow, seven
days In the week, seventh son Of a
seventh son-great fellow-and'-
"Tush. tush"' remarked a third.
"Five's the number you mean. A
man has five fingers on his hand and
FIVE toes on his foot, and he has FIVE
senses, and
"Three is undoubtedly the magic
number" interrupted another, because
people give three cheers. and Jonah
was inside q whale three days and
three nights. and II ut first you don't
succeed, try, try again-three times.
you sect"
This was received with some con-
tempt by the company, and soulful
youth gushed out:
'"Two, oh, two Is the magic num-
ber-oneself and one other. the adored
one-just two!'
A hard featured Individual, who had
been listening to the conversation hith-
erto unmoved, here remarked In a
harsh voice:
1.-THE magic number is number one
In this world. and II you want to sue
ceed never forget It"
An interval Of deep thought on the
part Of all followed. after which they
went in silently to supper.-Pearson's.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23
A City of Padl0cka.

Irkutsk, Siberia, is city Of padlocks.
There are more padlocks on the shut
ters and doors of an Irkutsk shop than
can be found In an English city of
100000. There are as many as three
padlocks on some shop doors, and ev-
cry lower story shutter bears from one
to five. The padlocks weigh from one
to fifteen pounds. The popular size is
f1ve pounds and two and one half inch
es thick.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23
A Smelling RCe.

Some of you who think you are well
up In spelling just try to spell the
words in this little sentence:
at is agreeable to witness the un-
paralleled ecstasy Of two harassed ped
dlers cndeavoring to gauge the SYM
metry Of two peeled pears"
Read 1t over to your friends and see
how many of them can spell every
word correctly. The sentence contains
many Of the real puzzlers of the spell
Ing book.-London Tit-Bits.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23
Where Smoking IL a Crime.

There Is one country In the world
where 1t Is considered crime to
smoke. Abyssinia Is tho r.gion, and
the law forbidding tobacco dates from
the year 1912. 1t was at first merely
intended to prevent priests from smok-
Ing In the churches, but 1t was taken
too literally, and nowadays even for
eigners have to be careful not to be
seen smoking.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23
His Everyday Suit.

Dixon-I don't believe young Short
leigh ls half as extravagant as people
say he Is.
Hixon-Perhaps not. but I've noticed
that he has n suit Of clothes for every
day Of the week.
Dixon-Is that SO? Why. he has al
ways had the same suit on every time
I met him.
Hixon-Well, that's the one.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23
An Unusual Race.

An unusual race was advertised to
be run at Ripon, in Yorkshire, In 1725:
"The Lady's Plate, Of f15 value. by
any horse that was no more than five
years old the last grass Women to be
the riders Each to pay guinea en-
trance. Three heats and twice round
the common for heat"
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23
Terrible Eject of Eloquenee.

An unfortunate man has obtained &C
cess to rich Baron Rapineau. He de-
picts his misfortunes, his misery, in SO
moving a manner that the baron, with
tears in his eyes and his voice choked
with sobs, calls to bis servant:
Jean, put this poor fellow out In the
street! He is breaking my hearth
Exchange.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23
Impressive Condemnat tion.

Speaking with farmer about one Of
his neighbors, l said, "So-and-so is a
good man." He looked at me steadily
without making any reply.
"So-and-so Is a good man." repeated
in a louder tone, fancying he must be
deaf.
Then the farmer answered, II heard
what you said."-New York Herald.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23
No Climbing.

"Ah, my friend" sighed old Skin
flynt, who was dying. I'm going
long, long Journey"
"Never mind" replied the friend. who
knew him. Its all down hill."-Phila-
delphia Record.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23
YNuraeIf.

Depend on yourself. A knowledge of
how to swim is better than to expect
somebody Will be at hand to throw you
a life preserver In case Of accident
National Magazine.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23
A Wicked Insin uR RtlOn.

Miss Standardization seems to tend
toward costumes Of the last century.
Miss May Budd-How nice! Some
people will be able to make over their
old dresses.-Town and Country.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23

A hypocrite is like the letter p-the
first In pity and the last In help.-Chi'
rapo News.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23

The hardest thing to find Is an hon
est partner for swindle.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-01-23

Ireland has 4O9 ablebodied persons
to 1000 inhabitants, Scotland 424 and
England 432.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-02-09
By Billy Mac.


oud tone bossed two ship captains Walt talked loud
70 keep the money coming in
FOR several years Walt mostly the entire works
'Oout unon town; but his companies were to tb
ou al OF Them and along the finish the money
began to run out Walt cut out the Iand-Ioca +ino.
business IN time to keep another mx-up with tho
oo"ntown beanery, but he was about all in as real
- ~ " 20
While Liz continued working up at the palace Walt
was sure OF an invite square meal now and then.
put LIS brother Jim promoted to the job and Walt
oId not score with Jim at ALL The chief of notice re-
1neHoeFLng That he was friend Iizzes tried to
move nm out of town and the tip around
peIore the pinch made but Walter refused to be
buffed by the administration and it was a case
OF to the Jail house
He worked knitting machine for twelve wears
ana then the pardoning gave him another chance
10 make getaway; but Walter was game bow and he
refused to catch outgoing freight He stu smoked
the little paper nails fact got TO the King f
Spain -
This Alphonse fcrefather had been started wrong
some one handed him stogie his first try and he
went rlsht out and became prominent of the
uo away association He learn
eo mat wait was still the way and as he
was up as candidate chief boss Of the dontsDt
crowd he framed up play. Aphonses forefather
sent special delivery King JIM telling him that
he could help out the royal family by handing the
Raleigh fellow soaker
The letter from Spain the finish Of Sir Walter
raleigh Jim mad tried to the smoker several
times, but he refused to take the trail and this time
Jim dd not give him chance. Walter was pinched
again. and then the butcher of the kingdom was
started TO work He just took good two-handed
swing with the cleaver got it right near the
bottom of his hair cut
The King of Spain was elected to the lob he
wanted
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-02-09


oouDe-crossed and through the Ropes he still had
Punch left. He sent for ga LAWYER who was e1-
more Crafty than the employed by JOEL and he af1
10 MN: There is Loop-EToIe in every Uritton IN
strufnent, If one only knows how to find it, 7 want
you TO set aside that fool Deed"
Next Day the Lawyer for him in a dorbla
seated Carriage and said: '3They forgot to put on
Revenue Stamp and the Transfer is off"
AND do get all of my Property back againqv oslod
the Old Residenter ~
Lawyer. - -'etiy u me
Give me mine" said the Old Residenter .srno from,
Wisconsin and want it in the Hand. Whatever I
own from this time on, I carry in nv Clothes
and any Relative who separates me from it will have
70 set MS Request to Music" Then he went to a
Doc he says, they are counting 9 on me but T
inquire that before cash in / have time to spend all
Lhat nave. Look me and tell me how long
would last on a Waldorf Diet 1 want to gauge NV
Expenses SO as to leave nothing behind Joel except
d ha-Ha Message and few Heirlooms"
IF you want to euchre your Family why don't Won
4eave 1t to an Orphan Asylum suggested the Law
yer W Law
mix the Orphan Asylum said the Old Residenter
Iney would bring million Witnesses prove that
had been out of my Head for 20 years and wouldn't
he there to contradict them. that by singular
Coincidence all the Old People who leave their Money
to Hospitals and the like Mentally IRRESPONSIBLE
In order to prove that my right Senses 7 will
Blow mne.'
So he went to Palm Beach and other Winter Resorts
at which they charge by the Minute and wherever he
went he gave faithful Imitation of the CoUbov's
first Night in Town.
He bought himself a Raglan with a s1rcinele
around it and very doggy line Cravats, and when
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-02-09


Walt checked the raglan, which helped some and
the GUIDE proceeded to lose Sir Humps brother in the
corridors Walt tried blaze a route for quick gate
way but the guide tipped it that Majesty started
TO tear things up time found the woodwork
scratched and the arch enemy Of the anti-tobacco
league eliminated the path blazing from his list Of
plays.
Walter had the recollections Of the moth food stu
with him when the guide walked him in on the family
carpet Her Majesty, being located upon the throne
got away from it fairly we'll; the overseer of ire
household was convinced that could slice it off with
d cheese knife Not suspecting Walter, he instructed
the guide to go out and telephone for plumber
Inc queen liked Walter, but the first smoker did NOT
get 10 the members of the cabinet ahead Of the also
ran class The members of the cabinet started once
mai and always-withyou advertisement. Being true
Englishmen, they hated to see a common one break
ing in
With the cabinet members hanging around Liz cut
the meeting short. Walt by the time the ceremony
started had been listed with the arrived class fully ten
minutes and the moth balls working all the time
owning the key to the strong box Majesty did not
knew the Weisman she blamed a defective fine
in her smelling salts
Walter went into the palace a plain mister He was
pushed out the front door real knight Liz over
looking the mean maps by the cabinet let Walter
IN on the fact that the royal family looked him up
ana found him good enough for the Knight class Walter
said that ne had thought SO some time and then
Her Majesty picked up sword and beted him one on
the pate
Walt started in to feel hurt Liz talked as if her
teeth were trying to slip out and the Raleigh boy heard
dub and knight" The start of Virginia was saved
however, for way out one of the ladies Of the
court put him wise the remark about dubbing =
him Knight.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-02-09


mobupple und vile going der Fifth Avenue We sud
uelty drew Ut ad on uf dose grndstone mansions ven
man NIT vomans hair hees head und pants vch
puttoned ad der knee holded oben der door ven We
pJresentatIoned our cards he walked und set nit
loudness dot you could hear id on der Bowery Derr
Herr Burgomeister Won Low und His Excellencv der
hnvoy-EXeradictionary to Baden-Baden Herr Won
buo"eser III der Sixth Yard We bowed ourselfs in q
Vlshed afterwards dot hat backed oudD ven We were
taken aruond und introductioned lot u DANES uf
al kinds playing visit met Miss Patty Cant
Tell der famous actress
NOW Patty vos a cuckoo, I should say i'd She
ISIS Won III dose girls nit fine mahockany finish und
Won uf der best felers dot eer came ofer ad least dots
Vot thought don't know how habbened. bud some
way me und der Burgomeister und PATTY md some
ohoef QueVeen vos playing Visit. Der waiter hat
Drought US few glasses uf sbampagna until dey
ali LOGGED l1ge, Queens to AS We started to bay
Miss Patty says IVY chentenens are der stakes?
Wy, Miss Patty set, I'D ISIS such a kindness uf
you 60 orter stakes bud you must me- chust
hat dinner leedle vile und really wouldn't care
for any, yes?"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-02-09
BUDwElsER IN nlE YORK.

70 uage Something's your left hand extended NIT
knife in conceament in your sleeve init der handle
sucking oudt und ad der time you mage some
Vlnklngs ad him ad der nsite pocket Dis he will
Understand und ne viii you nit der dueguard
Ut der United Orter IF der Graft is mate by ex-
tending der right hant nit und seckond fners
crossed vich meas Kings k you will know dot
ne ISIS hoo 10 be tcuched-for money anyding
lou VII den remote your hat grabbing der feerst
button on your coat NIT der left hand you bow to
MN NIT profoundment ad der slowly skating
backwards two more times und bowling each time nit
more profoundment, keeling sharb loogoudt dot he
ooes hoa sdestep you Den he will grab hants NIT you
una you VII say dot you glat him. und dot
he ISIS LOGGING Sine dot you hobed he hat pleasant
voyage und ask how he ISIS feeling don't forget by
All means to ask ow his Metchesty Kaiser und der
ieeule halsers are geddlng along. Den you mage a
speech aboudt how glat der SHADES
VII been to see him und tell him We are going to elf
MN der best We half got inder tages der last
cent Alder you haf quit Welcoming Prinz und in
tfooucuoned him to few PLAYERS who viz
all shook hands nit him will invitation him up to
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-02-09
~

= s says. IN juice tv tn Beet is tn life blood
~ our nation Whoever touches hair fv Won star
spdnsleo Beet shoot him spot. A bold Rect in
oustry copnth-y's pride whin wanst desthrovad GOV
iVer De supplied Beet sugar Liberty Now an For
-NeI' wan an lnslprable-DanI Webster. Thank Gawd
dIso-an Beet-the same. Cover mint of tn Beet
ny IN Beet an Tr tn Beet not perish firm tn;
eth -Aoraham Lincoln. An so, Hinnissy, we put th,
r. oh INTO IN 'ce-chest where keep honor an
1ooily an lock tn dure an Cuba goes home free
an hopeless Dye think so? Well, 1 don't Be nfya
ems fhlnissy' think tn time has come whin we've got
80 -, "e'her we re nation iv Beets no serf
talher De bent undher tn dispotisnn iv CasteaJ
I'm uloher Tn tyranny iv Beet. I've cot n be
save Idrather be wan to man, even a Spanish man
Beet, let it be firm inside not firm vUitn+ TN
choose me masther Hfnnissy, an whin do twill not ba
that ioWyin, purpccomplected ndygistibe viggytabe
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-02-09
rs
Mr.. pooleg on the Gopditiop Of Cuba.

in its own life juice We didn't upon Beet
hangs tn fate iv tn nation tn hope v tn future tn
permanence iv our instichoochions an lot v other
things akely precious. TIL Beet is tn naytonal anthem
an, be hivens, it looks though might nay
tional motto befure long
wen, Cuba got her freedom something that
look like tn same thing if she kept rain
out somehow another it didn't suit entirely. Al
sort iv cravin her was hard to tell
m tn same feelin v vacancy that she knew she
OPPRESSED be tn Hated CasteeI Hunger EInnissv
is about tn same thing in raypublic a dspotism
Theyse not much choice iv unha ppness between hun
slave an hungry freeman. Cuba cudden't cuI1
wear freedom. Ye can't make freedom into stew
an We can't cut pair iv pants iv it. won't bile
Try bake or fricassee. Ye can't take two pounds iv
fresh creamery freedom, pound wind, heap
in taycupfull iv naytiona aspirations an sprinklin
iv bars firm TIL aytonal air, WELL over hot
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-02-09

hre an sarve straight firm tn shtove; we can't make
dish out Nv that that wud nourish tired freeman
~ tie cones nome attner a. hard days wurruk lookin'
fr job. So Cuba comes to us an saws she. We dona
wen oy u.s. she says. Ye give freedom, says she
an more thin enough to round, says, an now
II We Place we'd Ike to thrade a. little iv it back FIR
few groceries, she says. we will wear wan sbache
IF man, says she, an Wen put full raygaIa iv
oa an chain an yoke letters an come-alongs FIR a
square meal, says She
Ihat sounds reasonable enough, an bein' be nature
gin rous people whin think we're about to
Heip her d1sthress with WHATEVER in tn
PANTRY wn1n tn thought iv tn our minds
what VIII tn Beet tn red juicy tn sacchrine
Beet IN Beet iv our Fathers tn Beet iv Plymouth
ROCK Beet Nv TN Pilgrims Ptde Sweet Beet Liberty
~ thee sing? If We do anything Cuba down goes
IN Beet an with tn Beet pershes instichoochions
Tn constichoochton follows Beet expropria vigore
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-02-09
CHAPTER XIV.
Being About Walters Start
and Finish,
4 &

q n connecting up with the purchasing power, Sir
III lump Gberts brother the name
81 blown in-te-bottle Walt Raleigh was truly
an erudite Individual Walter noticed the op-
tcians signs in the store windows. His vision was
completely to the good He could look ahead down
the track without missing incident.
When the Johnnie Mercury from the palace arrived
with the bid from Her Majesty, Walt it up to him
to work his second sight, started rubber
down the track. Getting the first bend of his
future PATH he located village and several rough
incidents with the men, but close search
failed to find of the Raleigh clothes being chased
around the primitive stockade; Humps brother
filed the exhibit of royal handwriting reached for
his dress suit case.
The case was there but Walter put out the pipe
after an inspection of the The gay deceiver
IN the trunk line showed the Raleigh
bunk and Walter started to look up ticket The in
Ventor OF the inhaler had played the parade to the
Ghetto as the society suits tour. Walt knew
MAJ gag, but he taking any chances with the
correction of iliterate aborers I'D at the paace
ana he was soon on his way to the hanging-up shop
the chosen people thought considerable of Walt
When he had the dlnero with hm-and two small va
hooda representatives doing the merry chase
after the moth-oas covering beats in the lining the
Raleigh party toys.
Leaving his working clothes the sleeping works
Walt separated himself from $3.50, and Mr. Wesman
swore that the paper on the wall curling
up when the fit question the debate programme
Walt believed lin mostly because So so was as HIGH a
he stand -
Walt walked to the palace The rules called for a
horse and buggy, hut Mr. Wesman refused to give the
moths single chance, ard the boy to blow
smoke through his nose a walking imitation of a
camphor maker who had resigned his job participate
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-02-09
&c BE &s


'Aeh, Budweiser" she set you mage some mis-
understandings mean stakes for game; vot shall
We play for, aindt id?'
beg your pardOning, set. 'vot ISIS your pleasure,
SHAH We mage id twenty-five und teventydfe or vot
yes?"
We are nod blaying schmear now, oudweiser," she
set bud We finally agreed amount und vile dink
an Pooty scot britch visit player, 1 soon found
ouot DOT Miss Patty sIowness herselluf
una soon diskifered dot I hat enough Der Burgo-
nelster also got separaoned from uf der money vot
he nat und vos id nod dot hat anonder roll vich
could nod dig ub mdoudt exposing ein person id mite
hat been dot I been der bub-bum-yes? 1 medita-
TONED goot deal der train der way home aboudt
Vot goor player dot Miss Patty iss bridge visit
Vel, Budweiser,'' Louie bridge vos i'd der
Brooklyn Bridge der Robert Street Bridge yes?'
Men, you sugger, set Bridge visit is ware you
don't cross der bridge till you ages all der money ma
goes on ofer der bridge den hat to put ub mora
money before you Offer nit bridge yourseluf
aindt id? am glat dot home again w Ionic
you didn't hat itea an expensveness id ice 10
Me York Dey don't trink beer down are"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-02-09

ger Cup or up to der Cafe Domino und proceed pre-
sent him nit bunch uf id possible for him to ac-
cumulaton von By dot time will find some Won
you go to der launching"
"Ach! Budweiser," set der Burgomeister, I'D vos
such a kindness I'D for vich l Welcome und
hobe can entertain you vile you here How long
will you remain nit u.s. yes?"
Well 1 don't could say chust now as I hat nod
yet counted der roll besites mein committee in Ger
sixth Yard meets next Vensday efening und must
hurry home as dare ISIS telling sometimes aboud vot
might habben vile der high card ISIS away aindt id?
am Obliged to leaf you tomorrow"
'Ach, sBudweiser, such a soonness. You must go
yesE should lige to show you leedIe before
you 60 Now I hat engagement nit Miss Patty
CantTeil der famous actress und you go along
Id ISIS only Won If dose pink maybe a rupper
two III wish
You viii go-iss id nod? set der Burgomeister
Il am all retty now" set wen We saiI?"
"Chust as soon set our dress suffers" he
set
Veil ven got fixed oudt We chumped into an auto
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-02-09
By F. B. Dunno.

may bend high head to tn, ege-nIan+ ~, ,,o44
- cabbage, IN squash, tn punkin tn sparrow grass
IN onion tn spinach, tn rutabaga turnip tn Fr-rncb
80 - =. pafsni2 out twhl nfver be said iv that
was subJygated be a Beet No sir Ret+bar daatb
! III soln 10 begin war FIR freedom I'm goin tn
slnrlke tn shackes firm slave I'm him TIM poin,
10 oganlze rig mint iv Rough Riders an wbin stand
on Tn top w San icon hill me soord in me hand
an me gleamin specs nose We can mark tn, end
AZ III domination w tn Beet in tn Western wurruId
2 H!nnlssy tell We what, If tn things hear firm
ton Is thrue that other iv freedom stopped
be fure it done" pP
Messy, ~ hen-
Sc naWthin' to say about tn Phlippeens7 said
over" 49, o . Ola
"Al over?"
"Au over"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-02-09


''How bad I better divide it?" asked the Old Cen
tIeman.
You can put the whole Shooting Match in my
Name, suggested Joel. THAT will Writing
Then if any other Relatives anything, they can
come to me and try to Borrow
Joel sent for a cut-rate Shyster who brought bum
ole of Papers tied with Green and assured the
Old Gentleman that the Proceeding a Mere Formal
iy. When Legal Wolf wants to do the Do-Do on
Soft Thing he always springs that Gag about Mere
Formally.
Joel and the Shell-Worer moved the Old Gentleman
up to Table in the Front Room and put a Cushion
under him and slipped Pen his Hand and
showed him where to Sign.
After he got through filling the Blank Spaces with
his John Hancock, he didn't have Window to hoist
or Fence to lean He was simply sponging on
Joel
TINS went for about a Month N then Joel be-
to Fret
L don't think getting a Square Deal" said
JOEL Here is an Ancient Party without any Assets
who lives with me Week in and Week out and doesn't
pay any Board He is getting too Old and Wobbly to
DO Odd Jobs around the Place looks to me like
an awful Imposition"
SO ne went to the Old Gentleman and said: Father
know the Children annoy you good deal: thew
we want to use the Piano after it your Bedtime and
OF course that breaks Rest SO have been think
Ing that you would be in some Instit-
ton where they make Speciality Of looking after Has
seems have discovered NICE quiet Place You will
i've IN large Brick Building with lovely CupoIa on
TOP Ihere IS very pretty Lawn with Flower Beds
and also an ornamental Iron Fence so that the
Dogs cannot break in and bite you. You will be given
nice Suit OF Clothes the all the others are