The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-07-27
THE wooINa or.

Woman's vanity is ruling passion with her, is it.? Women are the vain sex, are they? Listen to my story:
 Mir Thomas Walloper had had two wives. To show his appreciation of the gentler sex he was eager on the trail of the third He had made up his supe- rior masculine mind as to the quality of article he required from the wife mar ket. First, she must be comedy, tall and wlllowy. with white teeth, rosy cheeks and beautiful eyes. Walloper himself was short and as large around the waist as a small horse. He was flat footed and bald headed, his front teeth were gone and he never used toothbrush on those that were left.
 He required that his wife should have fine, high bred manners so that he could show her off to advantage in company, rightly considering that such a wife would demonstrate to the world what an uncommon sort of man he himself must
 be to obtain this bit of feminine per lection. He himself tucked his napkin
 under his chin and even then spilled ed women aside with his superior mascu- line strength and jumped in ahead of them so he could get the vacant seat in crowded trolley car.
 Moreover the lady of his choice must
 be young though he himself had a son, the child of his first wife, who was 23. and daughter, the child of his second
 wife, who was 20 Besides these there
 were five sons and daughters of Wal loper, ranging in age from l9 to 10. Fin
 ally, if possible. the woman who was good enough to be third wife to Thom-
 as Walloper must have little compet- ency of her own to 'help him along. When a man honored a woman by mak- ing her his wife. it was only right that she should help that man along. / But what Walloper himself possessed | fin himself to offer to wife in return for all these items of perfection was a raida "a did fO him Not once thought he of looking into a
 mirror and saying to his image: What would such woman as this | want with me?" With natural manly | instinct, he thought himself handsome enough. good enough and fine enough | for Queen Titania herself.
 | It does not take man who has re- | solved to find his affinity. long to discover | her. Walloper found his ideal and made
 note of her. The next Sunday evening | Mir. Walloper dressed himself in his best
 suit, and, uninvited and without asking | permission. made his maiden call-that
 Is to say, his widowered call-on the lady | of his choice. Ten seconds after seating himself he opened bravely out as to the object of his call. He who acts quickly
 acts forcefulIy. Then this conversation:
 It's time I had a wife" said Wal You cant have me" said the lady Walloper was surprised. But you
 don't understand me. I said wanted you to be my wife,
 Well I said you can't have me- Walloper was hurt Why don't you
 like me, huh?" he said. You think. I'm too old. huh. I'm forty-one." CThe fam
 fly Bible had him forty-nine.) ) No answer from the lady.
 What's the matter with me, huh! -Hain't you got no discernment. Don't you see how miich I love you. huh? | loved you as soon as I saw you. Why | don't you like me? Ain't l good looking
 enough for you?" pulling down his waist coat and complacently eyeing himself ir | the mirror opposite.
 | Still the lady declined the honor | Then Walloper was angry. Womer
 don't know good chance when they sec | itv' he exclaimed. What soRt of mar
 do you want anyway? George Wash
 ington wouldn't be good enough for you | I guess"
 Then he went his way as one who has | been wronged.
 l Tabitha Sourgrap pes.