The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1902-09-20
Catholic journalistic Wits.
once upon a time Father Phelan of
I the Western Watchman. CHANGING

! once upon a time Father Phelan of
the Western Waterman, glancing
over one of his Catholic ex-
changes (Father Lambert's paper the
Freemans JournaD, discovered be-
tween the lines what he thought was a
sly insinuation, to-wit, that he (Father
Phelan) had Interior reasons for sup
porting the president in his policy to-
wards the Spanish friars in the Philip
pines. Father Phelan felt hurt over
the supposed personal injury and in
vigorous language affirmed that every
thing he did was above board; that he
would not vote for Roosevelt unless
the president ran on a Democratic
ticket; that he never split his ticket
but once to vote for three Republicans.
and two of these were now in the peni
Tertiary
Now Father Phelan is one of the
few Nestors of the Catholic press who
wear the cassock and Father Lambert
is another--brilliant in repartee, clear
in logic and incisive in argument.
Father Phelan and Father Lambert
are friends, have been fast friends for
years, and their "bit of an argument"
SO far from developing acrimony. only
provoked that humor which Father
Lambert can make SO attractive, yet
so seldom seen in the religious press.
Father Phelan's allusion to the split
ticket and it's sequel presented an
opening for Father Lambert. The
honest candor of the st. Louis priest
has afforded the other no end of liter
airy amusement. This is from the last
Freeman's Journal, under the heading.
An Erroneous Experimental Hypoth-
esis:"
A judge out in ST Louis-where the
western Waterman is published-re-
Gently gave the following official decis-
Ion on the legal rights of dogs:
any dog has the legal, undeniable
right to bite any man, woman or child
who purposely, and with intent to dis
turb said dogs tranquility and peace
OF mind, does attach, or cause to he
attached, to said dogs tail tin can or
othef weight which will impede the
progress OF said animal. The dog
winch bites his prosecutor in such
case is acting purely and honestly in
self-defense, and is Justly immune
from punishment as the man who
SHOOTS burglar in defense of his own
life and welfare
If we were not assured that they
are in the penitentiary where they can
NOT exploit their wisdom before the
world from the judicial, if not judicious
pehch, we would suspect that the Judge
ABOVE quoted was one of the two
rather .Phelan voted for on his split
democratic ticket Any alleged iudge
VINO is SO inexperienced and ignorant
as to think that tin can attached or
appendixed to dogs tail 'fmpedes the
progress of said animal is not compe
tent to dispense justice, even in ST
LOUIS; In fact, he is not worth current
expenses. He ought to know that if
mere is anything that gives alacrity
~ the progress of canine and sets
udnl OIL IN moving precipitation as
washington Irving would put it. if is |
a tin can. The judges decision is |
therefore, based on false premises
hence, even If the dog knew that the |
intent was to disturb his TRANQUILITY I
ana peace of mind he is not justified |
'ccoruing TO the judges theory, in Bit
iiS unless he finds the tin can amen
Tx an impeachment to his progress from
'lace TO place, or from the starting
POINT to any where. He knows-ss
sVery dog of experience knows-that |
I is not an impeachment to his loconno-
ION; consequently the cause assigned
'y the learned judge as justifying the
lssressive use Of his (the dog's) dental
,rgans. has no existence; is, in fact,
non coram Judice.' But even granting
ne erroneous Experimental hypothesis
ne Judge requires another condition
% justify dental incision. The canine
luadruped must know that the intent
; TO disturb his tranquility and peace
- lnino. Until he knows this intent
ie cannot take summary action. But
low is he to know it? The intent of
ne poy with a can and a piece of
,tring is not always apparent. He NAV
'e gong fishing, or he may be after
tnother dog, and his intent NAV he
my my ms own amusement and not the
disturbance Of anybody's peace of