The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-12-27

The secretary of the Jibes and Jiblets
club has recorded the following New
Years resolutions of the members.
Billy Woods: I hereby swear off hir-
ing hacks. Young ladies who desire my
company will either be my guest on the
street cars to and fro between their
homes and the theaters and parties or
hoof it. This rule will be enforced by
me until the new elastic currency
stretches my pocketbook more than my
present munificent salary per week
Uriah Heston: I have sworn that the
next barber who tweaks my nose. sticks
his thumb in my eyes. PUTS hot dish
rag on my eyes. blows his onion breath
in my ear or bears down on the razor
as a carpenter would on a jack plane
will receive a piece of my mind and be
roughly dealt with.
Hank Withers: I solemnly and for
ever swear off playing the great Ameri-
can game where it is more than penny
ante and a ten cent limit. Red and blue
chips will hereafter not be becoming 10
my complexion.
"Parson" Palmer: I renounce all al
legiance to the 1egions that burn the
candle at both ends and allow the lamp
chimney to be smoked by the midnight
oil. / shall not read later than o'clock
ct nights.
Ananias Fisher: I am going to cut
out the pie habit I eat too much of
getting crusty. My digestion is so i'm.
paired that I win soon be on a diet of
charcoal and chicken gizzards.
julius Cadwallader: hereby resolve
the theater to take a drink. 1 shall re-
frain from allowing the people in front
of me to think that. from my breath. i
am agent for a distillery.
Jason Snodgrass: l part company
with the slot machines. shall not con-
tribute to this nefarious business. as l
say goodbye to too many dimes and
nickels. All bets are off.
Simon PettigreW: I have turned over
new leaf. I shall quit smoking Janu-
airy / Just as the o'clock strikes the first
bell for the midnight hour of the dying
year. Smoking is a bad habit Chewing
gum will serve the purpose just as web,
After January u the great state of
Kansas will be in good hands" remarked
Hiram Plowman-f.rdOn that date Joshua
Bailey becomes governor and begin az
road overseer of district 49,"
The proprietor of a Topeka barber
shop gave all his mugless customers 81
shaving cups, for Christmas The GUS
toner who had a cracked shaving mug
minus the handle, which cost him ID
cents ten years ago, is now mad as d
hornet.
The Topeka man who goes to church
Sunday mornings and to the theater
Sunday night thinks that one offsets the
other.T u
Old Subscriber-The best way I can
explain the Venezuelan blockade is to
call your attention to the situation ar
the fair grounds during the exposition
/ last fallA when the board of directors an
/ nounced that no beer wagons could go
| through the MAIN gate and ordered the
gate keeper to stop all such wagons. If
the wagons could sneak in some other
gate. that was another story. The
same with the blockade. If they can
slip into the harbor without being
| caught no one Is the wiser. The beer
got in all right
State Superintendent Nelson an
nounced that the advance sheets Of his
report were ready for distribution. The
next day seven express wagons loaded
with the advance sheets Travelled from
the state printers to the state house
What will convey the regular report, :.
freight train?
Whenever a railroad is sued for dam
ages for injuring person in any man
ner the roads attorneys set up the plea
of contributory negligence. The injured
party is supposed to have contributed
his share of negligence by riding on the
train. He should not have taken such
risks.
Who would have imagined ten years
ago that the Republican delegation il.
w dSIllllS TON WOQlQ enQOISe a senator
elected by the Populists for even the
job Of sweeper of statuary hall?
Sally Bourne Bright lives in the short
grass country, and her neighbors are
mean enough to say there is nothing liz
a name.
Civilization is making great Roadway
Buffalo robes have finally disappeared
in favor of Galloway hides.
The foundation of mathematics seems
to be that two and two equals four, but
so Ear it has been discovered that four
dead languages, seven dictionaries, 3, S33
authorities on grammar, Billy Baxter,
Mr.. DOoley, John Henry and George
AIDE govern the English language.
Charles Curtis is greatly handicapped
in his race for United States senator
his past record and found that he once
sang in a church choir in North Topeka.
From the Gas City Gusherl
To my Flock: 1 am disappointed i'll
the outcome of my Christmas grab bas.
which / arranged for and explained in
a notice in the Gusher before the day of
giving put in SO cards, each card bear
ing the name of Christmas present.
The members of the congregation We're
each to draw a card and give me the
article named on the card. l find that [
received nine presents, and the ninc
DCaAi1iS Tie IOllOWAil5 gus were
used: Suspenders, handkerchief, cloth
slippers. rnittens. bushel of potatoes,
peck of onions, nest egg. pewter spoon
and necktie. The other 80 cards, some
bearing the names of presents 1 should
like to have received. such as cash, coal.
blankets. Garnet. chair. table. student
lamp The Crisis, and other things. werc
left in the grab bag. To the nine MEM
bers of my flock who were faithful to
the traditions which govern giving to 3
minister, I am greatly obliged The
title of my sermon Sunday will be 1T is
better to give than to receive"
Respectfully, your pastor.
TIMOTHY GREEN