Omaha daily bee., 1902-05-11

There is a certain bishop whose piety is
unquestioned, but who has an unfortunate
habit of preaching very long sermons. He
has, besides, an exceedingly sonorous voice
and people living anywhere within a block
of his church can hear him without taking
the trouble to enter the sanctuary. A few
Sundays ago he was announced to preach
at a popular church, and the family who en-
tertained him had a little daughter who was
very fond of attending service. When the
family got ready little Elsie fatty refused
to go with them.
81 don't want to go to church." she de-
clared.
whats the matter?" asked the mother,
much surprised, ARE you ill?"
Il don like the bishop confessed the
child.
ooh, Elsie, that's a wicked thing to say!''
gasped the motter.
II hate the bishop" insisted the little
one.
Tell mother why" said the hostess.
"Well," said Elsie, confdentially, "the
bishop breaches so long that / amt KEEP
awake, and he breaches 80 loud that l cam
go to sleep" AS the divine tells the story
on himself, it's probably true.
The members Of the Amish, a peculiar re-
ligiCus sect, mostly agriculturists, are very
numerous in Lancaster county, Pennsyl-
vania. They have been credited with small
serso Of humor, but this anecdote of a re-
cent political campaign will prove to the
contrary. An orator sought to impress a
gathering near Paradise, in that county,
with his logic, bringing himself down to the
level of his listeners by a claim of rural
birth. "Why, l was raised between two
hills Of corn" he declared, and Gods sun
shine has ever shone upon me-" For a
moment there was a pause, and the poll
tiCian, fancying he had made an impression,
was about to continue his ~harangue, when a
big Amishman in the rear of the hall inter
rupted: "a pumpkin know what he
1t was a dark, rainy Sunday night, yet
the African Methodist Episcopal church was
crowded to the door, relates the Philadel-
phia Times. Just as the old colored
preacher was about to pronounce the bene-
diction Brother Thompson jumped upon
one Of the benches and shouted brothers
and sisters, when I came in dis church to-
night had an umbrella and | laid it in one
OBJ desc aisles an some one dun take it
away, an | know just zactly who it am, an
If da don't bring it to ma house afor next
Sunday I'll expose EN- afor de whole con-
grafton"
Brother Thompson did not attend the
services the next Sabbath, but it was
from his nephew that twenty-seven
umbrellas were left at his house during the
week.
Robert Vaun, colored, II Philadelphia, and
lie urifa ntto rra1aH aVr.r ra1faf,, 90
'esult found themselves in the police court.
IT'S just because ! won't Join them
old feet washers that my wife bring
ne here" said Robert. Ssh says she's ,
saint and that all the other feet washers
re saints, and they go to the other place
N wings. l don't know which place she
But I do know this, that when
leave this world for the other want to
% in the regular way, and I don't want
wheels or anything else"
Now, Robert, the only way l see out OF
his difficulty is for you to Join your wife's
hurch, said the magistrate.
Robert said he was an Out-and-out Bap-
list, and would not change.
Before / would join the feet washers
enomination and parade up and down the
treets in my bare feet / would die"
Rev. Alexander Allison, ir, OF Philadel-
hia tells a story OF a young man who took
is best girl to church, and when the time
IT collection" came around, rather osten, ,
displayed a s. gold piece. Pre-
lming upon the engagement to marry that
ad been made to her, the young woman
a restraining hand upon the arm
Z her hance. why, don't be so e~xtrava-
ant, George!" she exclaimed.
"Oh, that's nothing" he replied. Il al