Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1902-06-17

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'T suppose the coronation will be like
grand play" "But without any viii
lain" mot at ALL There's Alfred Aus
tin."--Life.
Nightmares: 81 dream my stories"
said Hicks, the author. "How you
must dread going 10 bed" exclaimed
Cynieus-Tit-B.ts
The Sad Part: < Mrs. PATTERSON
What you've had fourteen cooks in
three months. Mrs. Carterson-Yes
and didn't please any of them.-Life.
Jusf as Bad: Jimson-Were you ever
in Kansas cyclone? Jester-No, but
I've been through the New York Gus
tom house examiaation.-Ohio State
Journal
The tntricacIes OF trade: Woman
How much for children's picturesf
Photegrapher-TeIi shillings dozen.
madam. Woman---Why-er- but
I've got only -Tit-Bits.
onr Song Birds: ''Do you speak En-
glish, madame?" InQuIred the inter.
viewer Yer leezl," replied the oper-
attic celebrity, Sinking sweetly: "anly
zis; How Iofe America Pack.
Gotham see the weather man has
struck 1t right In to-pights paper.
Church--You don't mean it? Gotham
Yes; he says the weather a year ago
to-day was clear.--Y onkers Statesman
Missed 1t: 81 missed one of my pull
lets last night Rufus, said the colonel.
sternly. "Sho," replied Rufus, evaslye-
", ''yo' oughtn't tub shoot at pellets
in de dahk, kunnei,"-Ohio state Jour
nal.
Feminine: Elderly Spinster - All.
dear Julia, you can't imagine how
dread to think of my fortieth brthdayl
Julia--Why, dear? Did something very
unpleasant happea then? London
Punch.
The only one: Tourist in London
Dickens was in che habit of frequent
ing this tavern, was he not? Land
lord tproudly)-No.i sir; this is the tav-
ern which he never frequented- Brook
Ign Life.
His Past; Ferdy trying TO make an
ression)-Heavens! what would
not give to be able to forget my past.
Edith-What! do those old nursery
spankings still. rankle in your memory?
Judge.
Faithful: Lady district visiting)-
Your wife is always hard at work, and
you seem to be always idling. Do you
ever do anything to support your
house? Ruffian-Yus. OF leans again
it!-ruuch.
Teeth; Bobby-My gran'ma's so old
she ANT got TOOTH in her head. Tom
my-Ain't she? Well, mebby they're
in her bureau drawer, like my Aunt
Titles is sometimes. = Philadelphia
Evening Bulletin.
OF bis high horse: Merchandise
you're looking for position. Young
College Graduate-No; I've wasted so
muck time looking for position
that I'll be satisfied now to take job.
Philadelphia Press.
Spring Opening: Dealer in second
hand garments Ito assistant)-We can't
mark this suit Fashionable it's too
shabby Youthful Assistant IA humor-
ist)-No; but you nlight mark it Very
much worn --Tit-Bits.
An Explanation: "You frankly con-
fess shat your novel failed because of
a lack of literary skill?' Il do" an
swered the author; "the man who
wrote the advertisements was no
good Washington Star
Scene anywhere; Customcr-Id like
piece suitable for roast. Meat Mar
ken Man-How much, madam? Gus
tomer-As much as | can get for half
dollar. want to make a roast beef
sandwich. Chicago Tribune.
Mother-There were two apples in
the cupboard, Tommy, and now there
is only one. How's that? Tommy
(who sees no way Of escape)-Well.
ma, Il. was so dark in, there | didn't
see she other. Glasgow Evening
Times.
aboutf" repeated the popular actress.
with dashlng eyes; 81 only got three
bouquets, that's what" But" said
the manager, "you surely didn't expect
more.,' "Of course l did. / paid for
five. philadelphia Press.
Hungry but fastidlous Lady" said
the wayfarer. Il can't eat these
scraps" you can'tf" said the house
wife, in surprise "why, you just told
me that you were so hungry you could
eat house" "Yes, mum; but meant
a porferhouse." -Chicago News.
Helpful hints. "O-o-o-h-hw 1t Is the
wife who shrieks thus what is the
natter" calls the husband. Baby has
swallowed tack" Nervously the hus-
band seeks his copy Of First Aid to
the Injured" Quicker yet is the wife.
See! She is feeding the baby tack
uIler.-Baltimore American.
Railroad wanted: Yes" said the
head man Of the new settlement.
"we're after railroad now you
don't sayr' "Yes, e. we could only git
a railroad to come this way, kill few
cows an cut of some OF the legs OF
the older citizens, we'd sue it fer dam
ages an git enough to build town hall
an grade the cemetery. Atlanta Con-
stitution.
Thoughtful: President OF Foreign
Missions How ia the world did all
these sofa-cushiOIls and fairy-lamps
come to be In this box for the FIJI
Islanders: Miss Hairbrain Earnestly
-W-wglyl / Thought with all their
spears and war clubs. that II they only
had few cushions and jeweled lamps
they could make such perfectly lovely
coy eorners.-Puck.