davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
A TOPSY TURVY ROOM.
A Frenchman Who Plays, Practical
Jokes on His Guests.

A Frenchman Who Plays, Practical
Jokes on His Guests.
a Stopsy turvy room," writes cor
respondent, not flusory, but actually
so built, existed near Paris some years
ago and may still exist. One who saw
it thus describes it and the use to
which it was put: 81 was the guest Of
the owner Of the house." he says,
"from Saturday to Monday. BE was a
bachelor, very convivial in his tastes,
and we were very jolly party of men.
When we woke up, about 2 O'Clock on
the Sunday morning, one Of our num-
Der, sound asleep on the couch in the
billiard room, was carried out like q
log by a couple Of servants. My host
gave me solemn wink and told me
that If a sudden summons came was
to rush from my bedroom or else /
might miss a sight worth seeing. l
wanted nothing but sleep and was re-
lieved when the summons came to find
that it was broad daylight.
"YaWnlnS, 1 followed the ValeI aHu
found myself, with four others, silent
ly peeping through little holes In the
wall. The scene was absurd, rld1cu-
lous. a dazed man slowly waking to
full consciousness was lying on a plas-
tered floor, looking up in horror at a
carpeted ceiling. Two heavy couches,
an easy chair, chairs and tables Sc
curely fastened stared down at him
from above. The mans eyes at last
rested on a fowerpot directly over his
head, from which a faring rose, ap-
parently real, was blooming. He gave
a cry and, rolling over, grasped with
frenzied hands the stem Of the chande-
lier, which came up through the floor.
The host burst into the room, with
loud laugh. They all do it, he cried
They fear they will fall up to the cell
inc'"
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
His Wife Told Him.

Bishop Benjamin J. Kelley,
who spent some days in London,
both going to and returning
from Rome, says the Savannah
Morning News, has brought
back with him to Savannah, a
story that the bishop says illus
trates the typical Britisher's
perception of a joke.
He has a nephew in the Brit
ish army, who entertained Bish,
op Kelley while he was in Lon
don at the service club to which
he belonged. Sitting in the club
reading room with a party of
men, officers and civilians as
we'll, when the Irish spirit of
mischief, bu5bling out from be-
tween the warp woof of his cloth
induced the bishop to say;
"By the way, perhaps one of
you gentlemen can settle a ques-
ton that has often troubled my
curiosity. Is it possible to make
butter of goats milk?"
The Englishmen around the
table started at the bishop with
we'll bred amazement, somewhat
startled, seemingly, that a cler-
evman should be really curious
on such a subject. None of them
ventured, however, to answer
the question.
II don't know, I'm sure" said
one Of them, "but I'll awsk my
wife"
"Oh, don't trouble yourself, "
said the bishop. ''It was mere
inde curiosity on my part" But
as the party broke up and start
ed towards the door the bishop
nudged his obliging acquain-
tance's elbow and murmured; Il
should think you could, you
know, because a goats a good
butter.
.sHah," said the Englishman,
with bland and perfect uncom-
prehension-and the bishop
went on his way to Rome.
Some weeks later he returned
to London and to the same club,
| where assembled in the course
of time much the same party.
He of the obliging disposition
button-holed the bishop on the
spot.
Il say" he said, "you remem-
Der you awsked me if goats milk
would produce butter"
"Yes," said the bishop.
"Well, I awsked my wife and
she said it would make verygood
butter, indeed"
"Ah," said the bishop.
"And I say" continued the
Englishman, with a constantly
rising infection, "you remember
you said you thought it could,
because the goat is good but
ter"
YES" said the bishop, poss-
IDLY in some trepidation of spir-
| it.
"Well, my wife says. said the
Englishman, ''that was the
joke"
Whereupon the right reverend
bishop of Savannah, unable lon,
ger to contain his mirth, turned
| and fled.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22

Following are the rules and regula-
tons posted in certain hotel IN Hi
nois:
Board, so cents per square foot;
meals extra; breakfast at 6, supper
ct Z.
Guests are requested not to speak to
the dumb waiter; guests wishing to get
I'D without being called can have self
rising -four FOR lunch
The o6ce IS convenient to all coanec-
lions; horses to hire, 25 cents day.
Guests wishing to do a little driving
will and hammer and nails in the
closet.
II the room gets too warm, open the
window and see the fire escape.
II you are fond Of athletics and Ike
good Jumping, lift the mattress and
see the bed spring.
II the lights go out, take soda
that is light enough for any man
Any one troubled with nightmare Will
end q halter in the barn.
Oon'c worry about paying your bill;
the house is supported by its Tounoa-
tion.-Detroit Free Press.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
<<ci$,, onT StSaf -

Some one who believes in teaching
by example has concocted lesson In
the use Of two little words which have
been a source Of modification and
trouble to many well meaning persons.
A man or woman either can set a
hen, although they cannot sit her; mel
ther can they set on her, although the
hen might sit on them by the hour If
they would allow it.
A man cannot set on the wash
bench, but he could set the basin on It,
and neither the basin nor the gram
marians would object.
He could sit on the dogs tail If the
dog were willing or he might set ms
foot on it. But if he should set on the
aforesaid tail or sit his foot there the
grammarians as well as the dog
would howl, metaphorically at least.
And yet the man might set the tall
aside and then sit down and be as
sailed neither by the dog nor by the
prammarianS.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
ROOM FOR ALL GRADUATES
Nature Adjusts Matters and Always
Preserves an Equilibrium.

Nature Adjusts Matters and Always
Preserves an Equilibrium.
Once a year the schools and colleges
Of the country harvest a crop OF grad
yates, and once q year the wise men
Of the land write essays for publica-
ton on the surplus Of men who are
entering the law, medicine and other
callings that are open to the neWcon-
ers. IF the wise men are to be be-
lieved, it would seem that all the oc-
cupations were filed and that the
young man had arrived TOO late.
Fortunately for the tenderfoot, the
wise men have always been wrong.
No philosopher has ever presented a
logical argument that did not leave
something to be said on the other side.
Every year since the world set up for
business new crop Of young men has
arrived, and that new crop has even
tually become the stay of the race.
What has been>going on eternaly Will
continue. The young chaps will locate
themselves. 1t is no argument that
lawyers have their signs staring at
you from every hallway on half the
streets within several blocks Of every
courthouse in the country. The har-
vest that includes a new lot Of law
yers also raises q lot Of new Gtigants.
Nature takes care to preserve an
equilibrium. If the fedgelings Of the
medical schools do not find bones to
saw. some of them turn to saving
wood. The boy who has gone through
college with the intention Of becoming
president Of the United States finds
satisfactory job as master Of ceremo-
MES in & coalyard. A few jostles and
the new man adjusts himself to cir
cumstances, and then he has become
part Of the machine, which runs on as
usual.
It Is unnecessary to become alarmed
about the surplus man. If he is in law,
medicine, theology, horse trading, ped
ding milk or anything else, he finds
it out and he arranges the matter in
some way without any upheaval in So
ciety. The surplus man is surplus
only until he gets his first job. After
that he is one Of the establishment
Pittsburg Times.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
The Dawg and the Camp-Meeting.

"While I was stopping for a
day or two with Uncle Billy
White, quietly remarked our
southern tramp, ''something was
said about there being a camp
meeting in full swing at a grove
three miles away. I asked my
host if he wasn't going down,
and added that I'd like to ac-
company him. He thought over
it for five minutes with his chin
on his hand, and then shook his
head and replied:
" "sdon't skassly reckin I'll co.
"'You are not interested then"
"sYes, I'm interested 'nuf,
but yo' see I couldn't well go
without takin' my dawg along.
Ill went withouthim he'd think l
used him kinder mean
'"Then take him along
"'I wouldn't dast do it. Yo'
see, I know bout how it would
work. There'd be a preacher a.
preachin', and I'd want to git
clus up to hear all he said. AS
soon as he got to tellin' bout
Dani'l in the lions den I'd clear
forgit that my old dawg was
along
"sBut he couldn't get lost.' I
said. ,
:''Noap, but he'd start off and
pick a fuss with another dawg.
In two minits thar'd be 10 OF 'em
rollin' over each other.'
"'But your dog would take
care of himself
"sIt amt that, stranger-lt
amt that said Uncle Billy,
with a shake of the head.
'Thar'd be 10 men rush in to
kick the dawgs belongin' to nine
others, and + be one of 'em.
Then out would come pistols
and knives, and when the row
was over thar, wouldn't be folks
huff left to hist one end of Danl
half way into the lions den If
they wanted to ever so mu uch.
I'm a Christian man and I be-
lieve in campmeetin's, but when
you can't go without either hurt
in yo'r dawg's feelin's or reduc-
in the population 1 take it that
a critter better stay home and
hunt woodchucks. '"-D troll t
Free Press.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
The Uncrowned King.

The free-born citizen gets up, when
dew is on the grass,
And sees himself reflected in a trust
made looking glass,
A trust controls the soap he hnds at
length upon the stand,
And through the favor of some trust he
takes the comb in hand.
His shoes, suspenders, shirt and socks,
the buttons on his coat,
His handkerchief. his necktie and the
collar round his throat,
All came from factories that trusts per-
NIT to operate,
A trust allows him to have coal to pile
upon the CRATE.
By yielding to the Sugar Trust he
makes his coffee sweet;
By bowing to the Beef Trust he may
have steak to eat;
The Cracker Trust, the Flour Trust,
the Coffee Trust likewise,
Takes tribute from the man who dwells
where Freedoms banner flies.
He rises from the table which a trust
leaves in his care,
And on the trust-made hall-tree finds a
trust-made hat to wear;
Now see the free-born citizen upon the
trust-owned car,
By paying tribute he may ride to where
his duties are.
He sits before a trust-made desk-a
trust has said he may
And being free and equal he tolls for
the trust all day;
At night trust provides his light, and
when his prayers are said
The uncrowned king devoutly kneels
beside trust-made bed.
Thus all his trusts bound up in trusts
that treat him as they please;
He lives through favor of the trusts, to
them he bends his knees;
All, let US trust that when he dies and
leaves this world of care,
Some trust may watt him to the skies
and give him glory there
Chicago Record-Herald.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
MndifEiuE It.

Mrs. C. was horrifed to discover that
her little se7en-year-old daughter was
acquiring the habit Of alluding very
freely to the devil, and at last she told
her determinedly that a repetition of
the obnoxious word would bring severe
punishment
The child knew that her mother was
in earnest, so she set seal on her lips.
At last she seemed to have forgotten
it, but one Sunday Mrs. c., who had
been too i'll to go to church, asked her
if she could tell what the minister had
preached about in his sermon.
"Oh, yes'm," she answered. He
preached about our Lord going up into
the mountain and being tempted by
by-by the gentleman who keeps hell"
She didn't intend to run any risks OF
being punished.-Francis E. Wadleigh
in Lippincotfs.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22

sMon ami" said the Marquis de
Cro;sic the other day, ''the hotel keep
er's lie is an unhappy one. If he does
not lcok to the least little detail, the
whole thing goes-what do you call III
All, yes, on the blink.
"Eere is example Of what l say.
When had the Logerot, there was
once 8 dinner there at which Chauncey
Depew was a guest. 7 told the chef to
put in the menu some dish in honor OF
him, and 7 forgot to look at tne nenu
before it went to the printer.
'sWhat do you think that inoecie o.
a chef had done? There
And the marquis produced an olo
menu card Oh which among rne
'ssoupes" appeared the following:
"Puree de narTons Ia DepeW.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
Winter Underwear

50 dop Ladies' nice Jersey Ribbed Cotton l29c
pair. 49,,
Ribbed Cotton Vests and Drawers 10 ~
only 25c each, or per Suit, and Drawers.
dozen Ladies' very heavy Silk Trimmed Jersey the finest
cotton vests Suit Shirt and Drawers
match 81, or " per Su
Shirt
dozen Flannel Vests and Drawers to
match, only 81 each, 81 per Suit.
Underwear the lowest prices
FleeceLned Vests and Drawers to a al
each, Or per Suit, Shirt and Drawers
ool Medicated Red Flannel Shirts and Drawers only
each. ors per SUIT Shirt and Drawers
large heavy Aoo Merino Shirts and Drawers from TO
SO per Suit Shirt and Drawers
Underwear Wool Fleeceneo Shl anu
Suit Shirt and Drawers.
Ladies' and Chidns Winter Underwear IN
have
heavy Flannel Elastic sea scrven Pattern
article sold this market ~
while they last at SOC per par
picked of 50 dozen Mems 81 Neggee Shirts that we are CLOS
out
Collars and Cuffs all styles and shapes
only Collars Cuffs.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
Willie's Mission Work.

"She seems to have abandon
ed her moral suasion ideas re-
lative to the training of chill
dren."
"She has"
:sHow did it happen?'
"Well, I was largely instru-
mental in bringing about the
change. You see, she has no
children of her own, and l grew
weary of her constant preaching
and theorizing, so [ loaned her
our Willie"
"Loaned her your boy?"
"Precisely. She was to have
him a week on her solemn
promise to confne herself entire
ly to moral suasion. l."
"Did she keep her promise?"
"She did; but at the expira-
ton of the week she came to me
with tears in her eyes and plead
ed for permission to whale him
lust once. ."-Chicago Post.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
Two Wills.

eff you leave all your property
to your second wife, your chill
dren will certainly try to break
your will"
"Ofcourse. That's what |
want them to do. I want them
to have their full share of my
money
"Then why bequest it all to
your wife,"
"Well, you see, it will be cas-
ier for my children to break my
will that it is for me to break
hers. New York Weekly.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
Old Peoale Have Their Trorbles.

Mr.. Francis Little of Benton Har-
bor, Mich, is over eighty years of
age. Since 1865 he has been troubled
more or less with indigestion and
constipation and has tried almost
everything in use for those ailments.
Last August he began using Cham
berlain's Stomach and Liver Tablets
and was soon feeling much better.
In a recent letter he says II have
used three boxes Of the Tablets and
now think am WELL" These Tab
let's improve the appetite and invig-
crate the stomach, liver and bowels.
For sale by The R. B. Loryea Drug
Store, Isaac NJ. Loryea, Prop.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
They Never Imbibe.

The Ona Indian is deserving Of
higher place than he has hitherto oc-
cupied In mems esteem If but for one
trait. he forms the almost solitary
exception among aboriginal tribes In
refusing to touch alcohol in any form.
This policy Of total abstinence is rigid
ly adhered to in the face Of cold, hun
ger and illness and even during the
excitement Of ceremonial rites. What
ever his faults may be, judged from
the white mans standard, the Ona Of
South America has at least the saving
virtue Of ma1liness. His ideal Is one
Of bodily prowess, hardihood and en-
durance.-Scottish American.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
Not Worry, but Slumber.

They were discussing suicides and
the proneness Of different peoples to
depart in that way when one OF those
engaged in the conversation turned to
O colored man and asked, "Why is II
that so few of your people take their
own lives"
After scratching his head a momenr
the person addressed responded, "Well,
I tell you, boss; when q nlgger slts
down he don't worry, but goes to
sleep."-New York Times.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
Their Fate.

The late DR.. Talmage once called on
his lawyer and found two Of his pa
rishioners there on legal business Of q
private nature.
"Ah, DOCTOR" called the lawyer in
greeting, "good morning! Here are two
of your flock. May I ask without i'm
pertinence if you regard them as black
sheep or white?"
"I don't know as yet" replied Tai
mage dryly, whether they're black or
white, but I'm certain that If they re-
main here long they'll be feeced"
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
Why He Objected.

"But papa" pleaded the million
aires daughter in behalf Of the poor
young man she wished to marry, "sure-
" it is No disgrace to work for a liV-
ing?"
"N-no, my dear-no. What 1 object
to is being the one who is worked for
t."-Philadelphia Bulletin.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
Enyied the Other BOY.

Johnny-I wish I was Tommy Jones.
Mother-Why? You are stronger
than he is, you have better home,
more toys and more pocket money.
Johnny-Yes, I know, but be can
wigsle his ears.-Men Of Tomorrow.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
His "Burnps."

"That man is a phrenologist,
Pat"
"a what?" asked Pat, puzzled.
"a phrenologist."
IAN sure, what's that, sorr?"
"Why, a man that can tell, by
feeling the bumps on your head,
what kind of a man you are"
Bumps on my head, is it,"
exclaimed Pat. ''Begorra, then,
T think it would give him of an
idea what kind of a woman my
wife is."-AnSwerS.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
Ont of Deaths Jaws.

when death seemed very near
from a severe stomach and liver trou-
BILE, that l had suffered with for
wears, writes P. Muse, Durham, n.
c., "Dr. Kings New Life Pills saved
my life and gave perfect health" "
Best pills on earth and only Csc at
The r. B. Loryea Drug Store.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22

The excitement incident to travel
ing and change of food and water
often brings on diarrhoca, and for
this reason no one should leave home
without bottle of Chamberlain's
Collie, Cholera and Diarrhoea Rem
edv. For sale by The R. B. Loryea
Drug Store, Isaac NJ. Loryea, Prop.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
Very Sad.

Eyes, it's very sad"
"HoW is that"
"Why, he always held that to train
wife properly you should catch her
while she's young. So be did"
"Well?"
"Well, it seems that she had the
same idea about q husband, and now
there's a crisscross Of training ideas
that is simply home Wrecking."-Ch1-
ago Post.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
PerDetuaI.

Wigwag-My wife threatens to go on
the lecture platform.
Henpeckke-My wife doesn't need
Observation-Disclosures Record.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22

We have often wondered which
comes frst-the thought in the widow
er's mind Of marrying again, or the
story on him.-Atchison Globe.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22

Some people take care of their mon
ey and neglect their stomachs.-Atcni'
son Globe.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22

4 boy is usually ready 70 eat every
time he stops playing.-Atchison Globe.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
800 Pairs of Job Shoes.

300 pairs of LADIES' Shoes odds and en to close
this fact that this lot OF Shoes
good as ANYTHING they broken % on
three pair sacrificed order close them
stock of Shoes the largest to be
the town and prices are
the lowest andse when need Shoes.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
Clothing, Clothing.

that handle OF the cheapest ana
Clothing Mems Youths and Chdren be ouo
part challenge competitors show better
and cheaper Ao Suits for Men that we are showing 3d. ooo
per Suit Suit until see our great
of AWool Suits Suit These Suits will certainly COM
nd dyonrat tentOn
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
STAPLE AND FANCY DRY GOODS

line imported Domestic Black Dress Goods 5c to s5o
line Colored Dress Goods in all shades and
Silks Black Silks the possible
yards 36nch Feecedk Figured Cotton Goods at &c
of YardWide Percaes 81 and l0c yard
5000 yards of good Calcoes at 4c per yard
Good 27inch Unbleached Homespun at BIC the yard.
line of Mattress Ticking g. 81 and 1oc the yard
Fine Feather Ticking from l24c to zoe the yard.
large and beautiful Wstngs variety Shades
25c yard.
beautiful Waising per yard
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
Blankets, Comforts & White Spreads

Winter had better prepare for It. we
are now showing the Blankets Comforts and White BED
Quilts. Sheets and Pillow have ever shown
Comforts from ~ TO eacn
Red Wool Blankets $3.50 pair.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
HarVin's Hone.Made Factory Hose.

that still agents for Harvns Fac
recently lot machinery
line than Call and send
orders when want Harvin's Factory Hose
large full line all grades hand all the
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1902-10-22
Housefurnishing Goods.

Housefurnishing Goods.
large line Carpets Mating Rugs hand
lowest possible prices
Window Shades plain Shades figured a5 so and 75c
Curtain Poles at TO- 2 and Don't buy DID, cheap window
such nice ones from u.s.
Drapee Screens and Curnees always on hand
at the lowest prices
CbakS and Ladies' Tailor Made Suits.
and nice line OF
Ladies ReadyNade Suits, Skirts and Waists.
nice line of Tailored Suits from $3.50 to SIS Suit
large Jackets from $3.50 to $3.50 EACH
nice line of Fur oas $3.50 SIS Set Fur
Muf to match.
alone, from Sl.25 to $3.50 EACH
Chdren's Refer Jackets from S25 S.
It will pay YOU Ladies' Misses and Chiden Jackets
We ehavet he need at the right prices
II is Not the Place.
Our the place hunting are in
search for style Millinery. that kind trade
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1902-11-22
Congressman Meekison from
Ohio.

Hon David Meekison is well known not only
in his own State but throughout America. He
began his political career by serving four con
secutiye terms as mayor Of the town in when
he lives, Napoleon, O. lie was elected to the
Fifty-ifth Congress by very large majority,
and is the acknowledged leader of his party in
his section of the State. In recent letter he
says;
81 have used several bottles Of Peruna and
feel greatly benefited thereby from my catarrn
OF the head | feel encouraged to believe that
if use it short time longer will be able to
fully eradicate the disease of thirty years
standing"
Yours truly DAVID MEEKIS0N.