Connecticut western news., 1902-06-12
CHAMP CLARK STORIES
Bright Bits Dug Up From a Mine of Reminiscence.

Uncle Joe Cannon and His Chicken
 story-Floored His Opponent With
 5arnyard Illustratlon-How Ra-
 eheI Trieked Her Husband-A Mis-
 sourian's Description of Storm.
 A Cave of EoIus-Mixed His Met
 aphor-Playins Possum.
 Copyright. 1902. by Champ Clark.l
 For some occult reason the naval ap- savage debate in the house and arouses bad feeling. It isn't on the question of having a sufficient navy, for every body is in favor of that. The row comes over the details.
 Uncle Joe cannon's Chickens.
 Uncle Joe Cannon of Illinois always takes a hand in 1t. He has aspirations to stand in history as watchdog of the treasury" side by side with the late Judge William s. Holman of Indi- ana. During the debate on naval ap- propriations in the Fifty y-sixth congress Uncle Joe was running amuck on the bill when Mir. Dayton of West Virginia. a member of the naval affairs commit tee. suggested in a polite sort of way talk less about naval affairs If he would study the subject more pro- foundly. Uncle Joe retorted:
 "I am chairman of a committee which has charge of the preparation of bills that run along the whole field of gov ernmental expenditures. The commit tee of which the gentleman from West Virginia Is a member has charge of an appropriation bill that Is peculiar to the navy, and like every other specialist he magnifies 1t and minimizes every thing else. Now, the difference be- tween my committee-and l speak re- spectfully of the gentleman's commit tee; they have much ability, they have much integrity and everything else the difference is this: My friend before now has seen a hen with a brood of chickens, and she walks along and clucks now and then and does not sputter; but when you get a hen with one chicken she runs its legs of try ing to take care of It."
 That happy retort placed MT. Dayton hors de combat, temporarily at least. Judge Gibson as Luminary.
 What more Uncle Joe was going to say will never be known, for just as he finished his chicken illustration the hammer fell. He pleaded for one min ute more, but Judge Gibson of Tennes- see objected Uncle Joe looked at him responsibility and made a bow In Gib- sons direction which Chesterfield might have envied, remarking as he sat down, "Of course when the luminary from Tennessee rises that is the end of the whole business" which sally was received with roars of laughter and to which Gibson replied in kind by saying, Tt seems that the luminary from Ten nessee has eclipsed the sun from uli- nois this time" Later on Uncle Joe won his fight and knocked an item of S1S,000 out of the bill
 ~she Never Died Before"
 am indebted to Mir Kluttz of North Carolina for the following:
 1.-Two primitive minded old men, brothers, whom I shall call John and Jacob, lived near neighbors for many years in one of the counties of North Carolina.
 Hate one dark night Jacob was awakened from his slumbers by Johns voice outside, evidently in great dis tress. From inside the house Jacob called out:
 "'Vat the nations the matter init Bruder John this time O nightP
 "'Oh, Bruder Jacop, you know my wife Rachelr interrogatively called out John in reply.
 "'Yes. I knowed Rachel. vat's the matter init Rachelr
 "'Rachers dead already quavered out poor old John.
 "'You don't tell mer said Jacob.
 ~"'Yes,' sobbed John. 'Rachers dead. I've lived with that 'ooman now nigh on to forty year, and she never served me such a dad blamed trick before.'" An Awful Storm.
 MT. Kluttz's anecdote reminds me of a storm we had out in Pike county one night some years ago. Next morning one of our citizens came into town and In speaking of thesstorm exclaimed in great excitement: Tt was m awful storm-the worst ever saw in all my sixty years of life. Why, trees were blown down that were never blown down before"
 A Cave of EoIus.
 Persons who do not closely scan The Congressional Record miss a great deal that would both instruct and please It sometimes turns out that what ap.