davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
DONE WITH GIRL rYPEwR1rERs
One Man Tells Why Henceforth He
Will Have the Other Sex Only.

Detroit Free Press: A merchant from
an interior town of Michigan was in
Detroit few days ago looking for a
young man to act as his typewriter and
when asked why he did not employ a
girl he replied:
Give had three or four, and they don't
turn out we'll. The first one had been
with me about month when theatre
cal company came along and was go
ing to skip its date because Little Eva
was sick. My typewriter heard of it
and offered her services, and she played
the part so well that the company took
her along and in four weeks she mar
ried the manager and ran the whole
show. The second one got little too
fresh after a week or so, and came to
me and said:
Mr.. Blank, you haven't got but one
f in coffee, while you've put an h in
sugar and left out an in sheeting.'
Do you object to my way Of SPELL
ing?' 1 asks.
"I do, she says 4 don't want folks
to think I'm typewriting for a saw
MILL
"As 1 wouldn't change, she did, and
number three was all right till a young
farmer walked in and gained her love
while she was typewriting an order for
six grindstones and a bale of bed
blankets.
Number four was the best looking
girl Of all, and she hadn't been in the
store three days, when my wife says to
me across the breakfast table:
'Silas, 1 think I'll go home on
visit
"'Yes?' says I.
"'And take our seven children
"'Yes?'
"'And stay a year or two
What's the row. says l.
Nothing says she, only that when
a man of your age has to put on
clean shirt and collar every morning
it's time he got homely typewriter or
a new family.
1.-The girl went" continued the mer-
chant, land 1 don't think I'll try any
more. I'll get some young man who
wants a chance to work up, and when
he amt typewriting, I'll hoist him up
stairs to barrel up beans and pack up
WOOL
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
A DIPLOMATIC EPIC.
Secretary Hays Letter in Behalf OF
the Jews in Roumania.

The world is talking about the lettel
written by Secretary Hay in the interest
of the Jews in Roumania. The Com
mercial Appeal is no vota-y of The YER
satile secretary and rarely, # ever, has
an obligation to offer on the altar; but
in this instance an exception must be
made. Secretary Hays letter is diplo-
matte epic. In international correspon-
dence it is unique. The style and con-
text are such as might be expected from
scholarly gentleman-chaste,s simple
sincere and candid. T. is a production
that no premier in the great world could
have produced outside of the United
States. 1t is destitute of conventional
regeneration and states the case plain
ly and directly; while behind il all is
an evidence of force, and throughout it
is an undertOne of earneStneSS that can
be interpreted as menace If disregard
ed. 1t is uncuStomary and wrong, say
those who exalt technical accuracy at
the expenses of right; but so has every
thing in the world that bodily confront
ed and challenged venerable error to
have been technically inaccurate wrong.
1t tears away the moss and lichens OF
custom and convention and presents
the facts in their naked ugliEess.
OF whatever party or way or think
ing, Americans have reason to feel
proud of the act and rejoiceful Of the
occasion which permitted it and called
it forth. 1t is epochal in the worlds
history. 1t is the first giant arm raised
in defense of a wonderful people who
have been prosecuted for centuries.
The history of the old world is black
ened and reformed by prosecutions of
the Jews, and the ancient prejudices
and savageries found their way into
the new world, but have been depressed
and silenced by the spirit of liberty. II
it shall come to pass that the giant re-
public of the West shall be the instru-
ment to put an end to the unbroken
flow of the wrongs Of centuries, every
American should rejoice. Secretary Hay
may be posing as an AVIATOR, playing
politics or what not. He has told one
EurOpeOn country that human SYM
pathy abideS here and that barbarism
will not go unrebuked; and the coUn-
try will sustain him. Sinking dip1o-
macy may leer or look askance, but the
humanitarianism of this country will
raise its voice in protest whenever a
defenseless people are oppressed and
will look upon it, not as an abandon
ment Of the Monroe doctrine, but an eX-
tension of it.
The goth century should be free from
the cruelties and crassitudes of the dead
centuries. Wrongs can be righted or
abated, and it only requires few Hays
to call halt. We have sounded the
tocsin and deserve first honors, but 9TH
er civilized nations will fall in line and
assist us. The country is behind Secre-
tary Hay, and his letter is no idle or
meaningless composition. It is the voice
of the national conscience, and it will
be hardened unto.-Memphis CONNER
cial-Appeal (Dem,)
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13

smatchless' means the best, unequaled
for excellence, most American mill
tary authorities will patriotically in
sist that our own army, rather than the
German, now deserves the adjective.
There is now not a regiment in the
United States army that has not seen
active service. Every officer, with the
exception of the youngest subalterns
has personally had to solve the prob
lens connected with transportation.
subsistence and management of bod
les of men in transit over long dis
tances, and nearly every officer knows
what it is to handle men on the field
Of real battle. The men themselves have
had the faculty of initiative and self
dependence, in which they are suppos-
ed to excel by nature, developed by &C
tual use. We know that the Germans
do not equal our men in physique, and
we do not admit that they surpass ours
in courage. In availability for mod
ern military crises, we really seem to
be justified in supposing that our little
regular army is "matchless." But that
proud claim should not in the least pre-
vent us from acknowledging the fact
that we may learn a great deal from
the Germans. Our representatives at
the imperial rnaneuvers must surely
bring home in their haversacks many
practical military ideas. Let us hope
congress will consent to their being
made effective.-Harper's Weekly.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
THE NEW RARY,

Yes. I've got little brother.
Never asked to have him, either,
But he's here.
They just went away and bought him.
And, last week the doctor brought him.
Weren't that queer?
When heard the news from Molly,
Why, thought at first twas jolly,
Cause you see,
l sposed could go and get him
And then mamma. course, would let him
Play with me.
But when I had once looked at him,
Why" says, Great snakes, is that
him?
Just that mite!'i
They said Yes and Amt he cunnin' p
And thought they must be funnin'-
He's a sighti
He's SO small, it's just amazin'.
And you'd think that he was blaZin'.
He's so red.
And his nose Is like a berry,
And he's bald as Uncle Jerry
On his head.
Why, he isn't worth a brick,
All he does is cry and kick,
He can't stop.
Won't sit up, you can't arrange him
I don't see why pa don't change him
At the shop,
Now, we've got to dress and feed him,
And we really didn't need him
Moren a frog;
Why'd they buy baby brother
When they know I'd good. deal ruther
Have dog?
Kansas Farmer
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
THE MAN HIMSELF.
Was Told That His Place Was Secure
When Seen Personally.

Cabinet officers naturally do not
come in contact with all the subordi-
mates of their force, and for that reason
they are likely to deal more justly with
them if some one of their immediate
assistants can keep them in touch with
the human side of that wider stratum
A correspondent of the Washington
Star says that cabinet officer was one
day signing documents when his pri-
vate secretary called his attention to
the paper last under his hand.
did you notice, sir" saiu he, chat
this is an order for dismissing one of
the watchmen?"
Eyes, but it is for physical disability,
and it bears the necessary o. K"
81 wish you could rescind the order, -
said the private secretary, separating
the paper from the rest.
DO you make a personal request for
the mans retention I"
mot yet. 1 only want you to see
him."
Every we'll" And Thompson was
summoned.
He was man somewhat advanced in
years, whose hands and legs were
twisted with rheumatism.
Thompson" asked the private sec
rotary, "how are you this SUMNER
"All right, sir, thank you," the old
man replied, wonderingly.
you get around, don't you, Thomp-
son? Your mind is clear, your general
health is good as may be expected? The
doctor, you told me the other day, said
you might live for years, a little twisted
and bent, but well able to attend to your
duties, and to support your family?"
Eyes, sir
'WelI, Thompson, the secretary just
wanted to meet you, and to wish you
continuance of good health He has
heard of you, and is glad that he is able
to show you a slight evidence of his
consideration in retaining you on the
roll as a reward for your pluck in keep
ing up under Affections which would
have crushed stronger men. Your
place is secure. Go back to your
chair"
This was a lesson which the cabinet
officer took to heart; never again did
he sign an order for dismissal without
personally investigating the case
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
The Beauty of All Women.

Every woman that exists has some
point of beauty, possibly lying DOR
mant, which she can develop; it may be
a cultivated intellect, an inspired soul,
sweet nature, fine presence, lovely form
or beautiful face, and somewhere on
this great round globe somebody has
recognized that fact, or will So e be-
hooves all womankind to Iook well unto
themselves and endeavor to improve
the good points, to ameliorate the an
fortunate ones and entirely forget that
they have any bad ones. There IS
nothing so far-reaching as self-forget-
fitness, either where beauty exists or
does not exist.
A famous statesman, on being asked
what he considered the greatest type
Of beauty in women replied: 'NThe
woman who is beautiful and does not
know it, and the homely woman who,
by her intelligence and graceful bear
ing, makes you forget it." Life is too
short to be constantly regretting the
lack of some type Of form or face we
do not possess. The signing for gray,
eyes when we have blue, and longing
for black tresses when ours are golden
will only bring wrinkles and discon-
tent, thereby making others unhappy.
But there are ways and means provided
both by nature, exercises and discip-
line whereby we can wonderfully I'm
prove, eradicate and change many OF
the unhappy conditions Of lite.-The
Pilgrim.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
BLASTS From Ram,s Horn.

Practical piety must be personal
The greedy man always cheats him
self
Prfanity is often species of insan-
ity.
Good intentions do not improve with
age.
The flame of lust quenches the light
of life.
Strength in prayer cannot be meas
ured by length
Grapes of peace do not grow on
thorns of passion.
It is a vain hope that the chains Of
habit will rust OF.
The recording angel cannot be fool
ed by church reports.
To be at our best tomorrow, we must
be at our best today.
The day book Of time determines the
ledger of eternity.
When a father is too tender his sons
usually balance things.
The worlds premiums are never
worth the cost of the coupons
A man must have poor hope Of an
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
No monach, according to IN. A. P /"

No monach, according to IN. A. p"
has shown a warmer appreciation of
newspaper power and newspaper men
than King Edward. There are quite a
number of the latter who can boast OF
his personal friendship, and are able to
show trinkets which he has given them
as souvenirs. Several. indeed. belo-
to his immediate circle, notably Sir
BILLY" Russell, the veteran war cor
respondent of the Times, who was once
attached to his suite as honorary pri
vate secretary, and has still. I believe.
the right to wear the houshold button
when in court dress. King Edward.
until the time of his accession to the
throne, was in the habit of paying an
annual visit to Sir Edward Lawson. the
editor and proprietor of the London
Daily Telegraph, as a sort of recogni-
ton for the support which that paper
had given to his own and Queen Alex
andra's charitable enterprises. At least
two dozen newspaper editors were
knighted by Queen Victoria at the sug-
gestion of the king. several newspaper
proprietors have received baronetcies
and one, Lord Glenesk. has received a
peerage.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
other world who fights so hard for the
possession Of this one.
Pastime Notes.

Acknowledgement Knox has never
made political speech.
At the time of the Roman occupation
of Britain five distinct species of dogs
were there, most of which can with
certainty be identified with those of the
present day. There were the housedog,
the greyhound, the bulldog, the terrier
and the slowhound.
In 1901 there were completed in To-
kio, Japan, buildings costing $4,000 to
be used as a university exclusively for
women. This university now has $50
pupils and 46 professors and instruc-
tors. Departments of Japanese and
English literature and domestic science
are included in the curriculum.
A Bombay Parsee proposes to hand
ever So. 100000 to trust for the relief
of Indian calamity stricken districts.
Labor-saVing machines introduced in
the canning factories at Quimper, Brit
tany, led to strike and ultimately to
riot, in which the workmen march ed to
the factories and smashed the new ap-
pliances.
The new comet, which will be visible
to the unaided eye in a few days, is ap-
preaching us at the rate of 5000 900
miles day. 1t is understood, however,
to be scheduled to pass the earth on a
side line. Its destination is unknown
If the sky were filled with full moons
the light would be no brighter than that
of ordinary daylight
The French government has decided
to install in the Pantheon, Paris, the
famous pendulum by which Fouchard,
in 1857, demonstrated the rotation Of
the earth.
There are 5000 words which are used
alike in French and English without
change in spelling.
Eagles fly at a height of 5000 feet,
crows up to $500 feet. The lark rises
5000 feet
1t is shown that $50 establishments
with capital of $50, 1905 43, some 5000
officers and 10000 wage earners, pro-
duced electrical apparatus and supplies
in 1900 valued at $91, 34S, 8S9.
In the year ending April 1, 1900, Ber-
lin imported from Italy so carloads of
cherries, 357 of table grapes, 245 of
summer fruits, etc. In the following
II months the business doubled.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
IS GERMAN ARMY .MArcH1Ess,
Not a Regiment in United States
Army That Has Not Seen Service

when de quality to meet, de COM
pliments dey pass used to be the OBJ
servation of an old colored unky in the
South, who had studied elegant planta-
ton manners in the season Of their
finest over. Gen. Corbin, Gen Young
and Gen Wood, touching glasses with
the kaiser as they took their leave af-
ter the great Eastern manuevers, un-
doubtedly felt themselves under the
obligation of being complimentary even
in the suFerlative degree. They must
also have been under the pressure of
a really enthusiastic admiration for the
magnificent organization and disci-
line of the German army But there
will be a pang or two under blue and
khaki cloth in the United States and
the Philippines when Gen. Corbin's
words to Lord Roberts are read: 'sThe
German army altogether is match
less" There are certainly several re-
spects in which the United States army
does not match the German. 1t does not
match IL in numbers, for instance, nor
in completeness of organization, nor in
the sort of discipline which borders on
subsection But in the sense that
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13

All this month Paris has heard a
great deal about the movements of the
shah, his ministers and official atten-
dants. A lady journalist has been ex-
ceedingly wroth thereat The cause of
her anger is that while everybody has
been writing and talking about the
shah, nothing is said concerning the
women of Persia, either of high or low
degree. Nobody has troubled to saw a
word or to give any information about
the ladies or the bourgeoises of Teher-
an. The lady journalist accordingly
undertakes to fill up the void. She in
sists that Persian women are among
the most graceful, the most accom-
plished and the most intelligent of ORR
entail females. IN the upper class, how
ever, the peculiar education of Persian
girls tends to make them rather silly.
They are handed over to a narrow
minded, ignorant molia badji, or gov
erness. until they are ready for matri-
mony.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
MAY MAKE TEST OF OIL FUEL
Superintendent of Capital Will Try
New Heating Apparatus.

Elliott Woods, superintendent of the
the efficiency of oil as an agency for
heating the great white edifice. Expert
ments with oil-burning devices have
been in progress for some time by Mr..
Woods, and he has ordered that they be
attached to some of the boilers that a
practical test may be made. This work
will be done by a Texas oil company
which has offered to equip the boilers
with the proper mechanism for oil con-
sumption and to donate 5000 barrels
of oil with which to demonstrate the
value of the fluid as means of heating.
The offer has not been formally accept
ed, but authority has been given the
company to make full test of the new
fuel.
The chief electrician and the chief en-
gineers of the senate and house wings
have also been authorized by Superin-
tendent Woods to visit Baltimore to in
spect meth DDS that are being used there
in several large power plants with
LIQUID fuel While scarcity of coal and
fear that the strike may be continued
indefinitely, have been instrumental in
exciting general interest in the use of
liquid fuel, the question has been under
consideration for long time by Super
intendent Woods.
Before receiving the offer from the
Texas company, he had reached the
conclusion that oil could be successfully
used in the Capitol building as fuel for
heating purposes. He argued that oil
fuel would obviate the coal gas odors
which often CREEP into the legislative
halls through the drafts. 1t would
obviate the handling of large quantities
of ashes, which have to be elevated
from below onto the sidewalk of the
east side of the building, and it would
do away with the constant hauling of
coal, also on this side of the building
sad grounds.-St Louis Republic.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
An Order From Dana.

Charles A. Dana's representative cat
the front during the war of the rebel
lion was Joseph Howard, who, once
wired to the paper on account of a
battle beginning as follows:
ITO God be all the gloryi Mine eyes
have seen the work of the Lord: and
the cause Of the righteous hath tri-
umphed."
This exordium went on at some
length, and then switched into the fol-
lowing statement of facts:
The Army of the Potomac has tri-
umphed. We have won a great vic
tory"
A few days later Howard received a
note from Dana reading as follows:
Hereafter in sending your reports,
please specify the number OF the hymn.
and thus save telegraph tolls. "-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13

In the old Smith Graveyard. In the
town of Windham, Me-which contains
IS aveyards-Char1es II. HunneweN
has set up an extraordinary monument.
In the middle of the lot he has set up on
a brick case large iron open Fireplace,
with the long crane hanging to the up
per part. This fireplace did duty for
years in the old Hunnewell hofIse.
which is still occupied by Mr.. Hume
well and his family" says the Keune-
bee Journal "The old bricks in font
of the fireplace are the ones originally
used in the house, as are the andfzons
which impart to this strange monu-
ment such Aft the word is permissible
in this connection-hospita look.
The frame which is inserted in this
great open fireplace contains a printed
record of eight generations of Hume
wells, or from 1854 to Nov. 1, 1901, a
period of 247 years In addition, che
frame contains surrounding the Fam
lily record on all sides-pietures of some
of the open, cows, hogs and poultry by
Mr.. Hunnewel1 and which drew prizes
at the fairs. There is also large pie
ture representing farm scene in wiz
ter. The frame contains pictures Of
seven hens, two hogs, four cows, six
oxen and one group picture Of various
domestic animals.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
The Coal-Strike Primer.

See the coal.
Where has the coal been?
Has the coal been in the coal bin?
Is the coal mine mine, or is the coal
mine not mine?
If not mine, where is mine?
Has the coal been in the mine, and II
the coal bin is mine, why can I not mine
in the coal mine for my coal bin? #,
If the coal in the coal mine was mine,
why has not the coal been in the coal
bin instead of in the coal mine that is
not mine?
publishers Note.-The author of
this easy primer for coal consumers was
at this point put into his strait-jacket
for the evening )-Baltimore American
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
An Editors Appeal.

Bring us taters, sweet or Irish; bring
us chickens, young or old; bring us
eggs, or pork, or sorghum; bring us
silver, bring us gold; bring us copper,
bring us greenbacks bring us fodder,
corn or hay; bring us fruit of all de-
scriptions, bring us corn meal any day.
Bring us beans, or oats, or pumpkins;
bring us butter, lard or flour; or any
thing that's good to stay our hunger
cen an hour. For the larder's getting
empty, and the cash is running low;
and our paper bills are soon to be met,
for the papers got to go. Our store bills
must be settled, and the kids must go
to school; and our trousers seem more
threadbare as the weather gins to COOL
So bring us anything you have to eat,
or trade, or wear; or pay bill or go on
trade, or help to put us square. We
need your kind assistance, to help to
pull us through, until the railroad gins
to build, for till then we feel quite blue
The times are dull, and we are short
and need a little raise; so come to our
assistance and you'll receive the praise.
So pay for advertising, subscriptions
and the, like, and keep the Enterprise
from want and going on strike Well
raise our voice and howl for you, and
sing your praises long, if You'll only
rustic in the grub and bring it good and
stronghold City (Ark.) Enterprise.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13
Immigration surpasses All Records

Immigration SURPRISES All Records.
A much more significant index Of
prosperity or depression is the inflow
of new workers from Europe, who
come to this country just about as rap
idly as "jobs" open. During the twelve
months ended June 80, 1902, the num-
Der of immigrants recorded at the port
of New York was close upon half a
million (493, 262)-a number which sur
passed all previous figures of that port,
although the total immigration at all
ports of the United States was some
what larger in 1881 and 1882 than in
the fiscal year just closed. This I'M
precedented f1ocking of Europeans to
New York must be directly ascribed
to the marked prosperity of American
industries in the last five or six years
for immigration has been steadily and
rapidly increasing since a contributory
cause, as may be observed in the recent
increase OF emigration from Germany;
but the bulk of the transatlantic mi
grafton to the United States still con-
sists of Italians, Poles and Slavs, whose
home industry has not experienced the
hard times that have come upon Ger
many, and who have, therefore, been
drawn to our shores simply by learn
ing of the innumerable opportunities
for employment that exist in America.
New York Labor Bulletin.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-11-13

lR the twentieth time that
long, gray day Wetherby
yawned, in the very des-
peration of deep ennui.
The Pullman was filled
with its fair quota of pas
sengers, one to every dou-
BILE seat, and, because he
was a reasonably we'll