The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

both, I can not help it I will love you
always, but you are free"
Was not this after all a kindly and final
breaking of their pledge to one another?
Yet she had not returned the little medal he
had given her with that exchange OF eternal
love and faith. Could she keep this aud
really mean TO break with him finally? He
could not believe it.
His whole life had been dominated by this
dream of an ideal love. For it he had de-
MED himself the indulgence that his college
mates and young associates had taken as
a matter of course. He had never touched
wine. He had never smoked. He had never
learned the difference between a queen and
jack in cards. He had never fiirted with
women. lie had given his body and soul to
the service of his ideal and bent every en-
ergy to the development of his mind that
he might grasp with more power its sweet
ness and beauty when realized.
Did IL pay? The Flesh was shriekiuC this
question now into the face Of the Spirit?
He had met the one Woman his soul had
desired above all others. There could be no
mistake about that. And now she was
failing him when he had laid at her feet
his whole life. 1t made him sick to recall
how utter had been his surrender.
Why should he longer deny the flesh when
the souls dream failed the test of pain and
struggle?
Was it possible that he had been a fool
anu q lSsiAi Aht AbAi '@PAtsoAbAAS Va AAA-B
which is both flesh and spirit?
Am l not-a narrow-minded fool, in
stead of a wise man, to throttle my i'm
pulses and deny the flesh for an imaginary
gain?' he asked himself aloud.
She had written he was free.
Well, by the eternal, l will be free"I
he exclaimed; II will sweep the whole
samut of human passion and human emo
ton. l will drink life to the deepest dregs
of its red wine I will taste. feel, see,
touch. hear all! 1 will not be cheated. I will
know for myself what is is to live"
When he woke to the consciousness of
time and place. he found he was seated at
the Sulphur Spring. where 1t gushed from
the foot of the hill, and that the eastern
horizon was gray with the dawn.
A sense of new-found power welled I'D
in him. He had regained control of him
self.
Good! I will no longer be a moping,
lovesick fool. 1 am a man. To will is to
live, TO cease to will is TO die. I have re-
gained my WILL live!''
He walked rapidly back to town with
vigorous step. His mind was clear.
II will never write her another line until
she writes to me. 1 will not be a dog and
whine at any rich mans door or any
woman's feet. The world is large, and /
am large. I'll carve my name in its
temples and compel its applause. l will
be sought as well as seek. Besides. my
country needs me. If L am TO give myself
it will be for larger ends than for the
smiles of one woman!'
He swept the gamut Of all the senses
without reserve, Gay after day, and night
after night.
AT the end of two weeks he found himself
haunting the Post Office oftener. with a
vague sense Of impending calamity or joy !
he could not tell which
THE things all over, l tell YOU, he said |
to himself again and again. And then he
would hurry to the next mail as eagerly
as ever. As the excitement began to tire
him the sense Of longing for her face and