Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-08-21

ityE Certainly: know a barber who
has three little shavers. ."-Ex.
Youngman-I wonder what's the best
way TO find out what a woman thinks
of you? Henpeck-Marry her.-Ph.la
delphia Press.
Dawson-Bjenks Is great believer
in fate. isn't he? Lawson Yes. he has
to blame his incompetency on some
thing.-Somerville journal.
An Insinuation. Flora-Yes, l sing in
n church where they have an awfuHy
small congregation. Dora-Then why
don't you stop singing Philadelphia
Bulletin.
Mrs. Swellman-I dreamed last night
that l was with box party at the
opera. Mr.. .Swellman-I wondered why
you were talking so loud in your sleep.
Philadelphia Press.
Miss Eastside-That is a lovely
gown. but haven't | seen it before?
Miss Westside-No. think not: have
only worn it at few smart affairs this
season-Town and Country.
1T says here, Samanthy. thet Rever-
end Toogood was a saloon passenger
on the Majestic. Beats all how them
preachers do cut up when they git
away from hum. nudge.
Arthur-Yes. | think Minnie loves
me very much. She's dear girl; she
has large heart. Harry-A heart like
a London omnibus; always room for
one more.-Boston Transcript.
Clergyman Qately come to parishl-
Your neighbor. Smith, says my SER
mons are rubbish. Farmer-Ah. We
needn't mind i'm. sir: e's a mouth
piece for other folks-Tit- Bits.
Flossie-I'm afraid, Bridget, that
mamma is dissatisfied with you.
Bridget - Is she, now? Faith. thin,
she'll soon have a chance to be dissat-
isfed wit somebody else!-Puck.
Inducements Held Out Harriet
What shall say in the advertisement
for a cook? Harry-Well, say that We'll
take her with US to any summer resort
sta may prefer.-Detroit Free Press.
Nothing to Show. what is your na-
tivity?" asked the magistrate. II amt
got any, yr honor" said the blear-eyed
inebriate, feeling in his pockets; ''the
police took everything had."-Chicago
Tribune.
She-You wouldn't mind saying this
over again tomorrow, would you,
dearie? l am a member of the NJ. P.
D. C. Club. "Why, what does that
mean% Moonlight proposals don't
count. life.
Convincing Proof: May-I had no
idea before last night that Mr.. Pitcher
was man OF such lofty ambitions and
exalted ideals. Maud-How did you
come to find it out? Maybe proposed
to me.-Bazar.
Mother-There were two apples in
the cupboard, Tommy. and now there
is only one. How's that? Tommy (who
sees no way of escape)-Well, ma, 1t
was so dark in there l didn't see the
other one.-Glasgow Evening Times.
Sure Test: How can you tell real cut
glass from the imitation?" asked Mrs.
Gaswell. You can't, always" said
Mr.. Gaswell, but when anybody offers
YOU a piece of real cut glass for fifteen
cents, don't buy it."-Chicago Tribune.
"Will you please raise my salary!"
"Why, | gave you raise only last
week, because you told me that you
had your mother to support" Il know,
but my mother got married and now l
have two TO support" Ohio State Jour-
nal.
Farmer Gn caro-Hi, stop. Stop,
you fool Don't you see my horse is
running, away? Driver of motor car
(hired by the hour)-Yes, it's all very
well for you to say stop" but I've for
gotten how the blooming thing works!
Punch.
Bobbie-You know them preserves
out in tn pantry wot you told me not
to eat? Mother-Yes. Bobbie- You
know you said they'd make ME sick If
l ct 'em, didn't you? Mother-Yes.
Bobbie- Well. they didn't.-Ohio State
Journal.
Belinda, your brother George tells
me that you were sitting on that little |
Mr.. Thomkins' knees last evening. Is
it true? "Yes, papa; but I'm sure you
will forgive me. 1t was just one of
those little moral lapses. you know
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Haddock-I met poor old Ruyns
creeping towards his office to-day. and
he complained bitterly of being all run
down this spring Juddock defensive
ly,-Well, confound him. he had no
business getting in front of an auto
mobile Bazaar.
The Floor Walker: First Clerk-Poor
Jim! 1t will be long time before he
gets another place. Second Clerk
Don't you believe it. Why, he got a
place as floor walker. First Clerk
You don't say so? Second Clerk-ies;I
he's got new baby.-Judge.