The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-10-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
After all is said on the subject, it may
be put down a husk of sound financial
philosophy that the chief use of money
is to enable MIN that has it to keep away
from the people from whom he could not
Keep away If he did not have it-Judse
My boy" said the old gentleman in 4
kindly tone. there's only one thing that
stands between you and success
And what is that2n asked t he youth,
IF you worked hard at working. ex-
planned the old gentleman '-as you do at
you would easily acquire both fame ana
fortune."-Chicago Post.
Miss Ann Teek-I would ike to go shop
ping with you, but the dentist is to fix up
my teeth this afternoon and it will take
Miss speitz-Wen thatn give US time.
You can shop with me while he's doing his
work.-Atlanta Constitution.
Mamma-Johnny. I told you to go ana
wash your face and hands. When l tell
you to do thing, I expect you to do it.
Johnny-You're not much of judge of
human nature, are you, mamma boston
Transcript.
lyric and earned a dollar, while negro
neighbor voted for the right man, fed at
are born fresh in Georgia every day.-At-
lanta Constitution
The world seems to be divided into two
classes: those who board and envy those
who keep house. and those who keep
house and envy the boarders.-Atchison
Globe.
''Yessuh. I don bin ter de t'eayter'
said Parson Snowflake. IAN I seen desc
stage. too. An 1 jes got dis ter say-de
cullud actah am moughty po'r imertatiOn
oh de white mans imertaton of de cullud
man. Judge.
Mamma. What will have to do when
I am educated and aceomplished?'
"Oh, you can pass the rest of your life
learning how to keep house."-Life.
Although time flies. the teeth of time
would require special wing power if they
should ever be pitted against the quick
lunch of today.-Judge.
Mrs. Teacup-O. Mr.. Tubbs. I was so de-
lighted when l heard that YOU were such
staunch champion of the temperance
Tubbs-why-er- not exactly
Nov S dent Try to hide your sav light a
cause heard George say that you have
Been a booze fighter all your life. He said
you punished more of it than any ten men
IN the state Life.
"Do you have a good lecture course here
ager of the Higginsville Lyceum.
Indeed we do" he answers. And next
season we expect to Guido all previous
records So far we have booked one ran
somed missionary, one reformed gambler
one troupe of trained animals one con
verted heather. one moving picture ma
chine and one professional iusersonator.
We may take on college professor who
wants to speak about the tendency of mod
ern literary thought, but 1 don't know.
It's pretty hard to keep the course on the
same high plane of thought throughout
Judge
I'm told said Mr.. L Mitt that she
was pleased to say that was all eyes
I suppose she meant that as a compl-
"Perhaps you misunderstood the r.
mark" replied Miss Kostiaue. she was
referring to your conversation '-Phladcl-
phia Record
The publication Of politics. however,
would make it much less interesting 10
talk Dolitics.-Puck.
well" remarked the optirnist. .soppor-
tunity knocks once al every door
Yes. there's something very feminine
about opportunity" replied the pessimist
sShe makes her call when she's pretty
sure you're out, and that's the end Of it,
Philadelphia Press.
When an undertaken looks sympathetie
no one believes that he feels it--Atchison
Globe.
Casey-Kelly called me a loyer. but OF
got Eatisfaction out av him.
Casey-Oi did He knocked out two av
me teeth thot hav bin throubling me fer
moonths.-Puck-
Use observed. said Uncle Ephe. dat
wifi er good many men lung power en-
brain power am in inverse proportion =
Colorado Springs Gazette
ct think the biggest contract T ever
took" remarked the doctor. was to treat
a rat man in a dime museum for snake
bite He weighed 500 pounds. but / liter
ally snatched him from the jaws Of
Maybe you didn't do it all" suggested
the professor. Maybe death found it had
bitten off more than it could chew
CHICAGO Tribune.
Hearing some one exclaim that 'the
devil was in the weather" an old colored
brother said: Don't you worry bout dat
Dey never will be rain enough ter put de
fire out i~-Atlanta Constitution.
Mr.. Gumps-That boy will never be good
for anything until he marries
Mrs -Gumps-I suppose not.
Mr.. Gumps-No. He's got to get over
the habit of hanging around the house.
New York Weekly