Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-07
GOOD
Short Stories

The Shah of Persia is said to have
once told the Duchess of Westminster
that the fame of her beauty had reach
ed Teheran. "Ah,'' said she to some
one who stood by, ''he takes me for
Westminster Abbey"
Some gentlemen of the press wish
admission, sir,'' Sir Francis Knollys
once said to King Edward, when he
was Prince of Wales, and the heir ap-
parent, with a laugh, remarked: Let
them enter. For, if they don't obtain
admission at the door they'll come in
through the yentilator.'
1t is said that Sarah, Duchess of
Marlborough, one day remarked to her
grandson, Jack Spencer: Jack, you
must marry, and 1 will give you list
of the ladies you may propose to-
Very well, grannie," he said, and he
proposed to the first on the list. When
he came back with his wife from their
wedding tour, they went to pay their
respects to the old lady. "Well, now"
she said, 4 am the root and you are
only the branches, and therefore you
must always pay me a great deal OF
deference' ''That is all very well,"
said Jack, impertinently, but l think
the branches would flourish a great
deal better if the root was under
ground"
Gen. John II. Littlefeld, who studied
under Abraham Lincoln, says that all
clients knew that, with "Old Abe" as
their lawyer, they would win their case,
if it was fair; if it was not, that it was
a waste of time to take it to him. After
listening some time one day to would
be clients statement, with his eyes on
the ceiling, Lincoln swung around in his
chair, and exclaimed: well, you have
a pretty good case in technical law, but
a pretty bad one in equity and justice.
You'll have to get some other fellow to
win this case for you. l couldn't do it.
All the time while talking to that jury
I'd be thinking, Lincoln, you're "a liar
and believe should forget myself and
say it out loud.'
Beau Nash, who, like Beau Fielding
and Beau Brummel, eXpiated his con-
temptible vanity in an old age of OBJ
scurity, want and misery, was reduced
to strange eXpedients between 1866 and
1905. A favorite resource was the ac-
ing at York, and having lost all his
money, some of his friends promised to
equip him with fifty guineas upon this
proviso, that he would stand at the
great door of the minister, attired only
in blanket, as the people were coming
out of the church. To this he agreed,
but the dean passing out knew him.
"What!" cried the divine, ''Mr. Nash
in a masQuerade?' "Only a Yorkshire
penance, Mr.. Dean, for keeping bad
company" said Nash, pointing to his
companions.
Lemice TherieuX once worked off a
little practical joke at the expense of
play in which the Pelion of misery was
heaped upon the Ossa of despair (says
a writer in Chambers Journal. To-
gether with twenty friends he secured
prominent seat inthe gallery. When
the pathetic momenF arrived, Therieux
pulled out a handkerchief and burst
into tears. The effect was electrical.
The man next to him also fell to weep
ing, and also took hold of the handker-
chief. The epidemic of tears thereupon
extended all along the line Of the faith
full twenty, and as each man succumb-
ed to his emotion he took hold of the
end of the handkerchief, until at last
all the confederates were weeping in it.
The handkerchief was twenty yards
long, and had been specially prepared
for the occasion. The low comedian
struggled gamely with this exhibition
of woe, but his witticsms were of no
avail, for the funnier he became the
more frequent were the sobs of the sor-
rowing twenty.