Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1902-04-15
HUSBANDS AND WIVES.
A Discussion of What is Essential to a
Happy Marriage.


conditions which are essentially the
same IN every Occidental nation it is
impossible to deny that the great
majority OF them are happy, writes
Rafford Pyke in the COSMOPOLITAN
They afford stability to the social sys-
tenn. They knit the community to-
gether by the firm bonds of inter-
| woven interests. They give an inteli-
| Slble and consistent basis for the
| transmission of property. And in the
main they tend to preserve comfort
| and tranquility. In so far as they fall
short OF giving perfect happiness they
| only share in this the limitations which
are inseparable from every human in
Standardization which end their
| of human nature.
Looking at the homogeneous union
we see that a man and a woman are
| first attached to one another by the
| natural impulse OF mating, by Il species
| OF selection whose basis is primarily
| physical. Their preference for each
other, originating thus. increases and
| gains strength for a time and holds
| them fast until the impulse has spent
| something of its force. The theory of
| the homogeneous union is that this pc
| Rod of physical attraction will last
long enough for other ties to be formed
| between them. These other ties come
| from the community of interests be-
| tween man and Wife-interests which
| multiply and grow more complex every
| day through the intimacies of the life
| together which extend to a thousand
little half-perceived yet in the mass ex-
| tremely important actions, sayings,
| thoughts and memories, and finally
| from the habits which arise out of
| these intimacieS and which are power
full precisely in proportion as they are
| unnoticed. Therefore, when the ardor
| of pure passion wanes, and when out
| side of marriage it's waning would nat
| urally lead to separation and a rever-
| sion to individual independence, these
other bonds are strong enough to BAN
| iSh any thought of breaking them. The
| conventions of society also play a part
| in Strengthening the union, by render
ing it's dissolution, if not impossible, at
| any rate both difficult and disagree
able. 1t follows, then, that marriage
represents to most of those who enter
it a condition which is permanent, for
the reason that to keep it so is to fol-
low the line of least resistance.
| As matter of fact, indeed the num-
Der of really unhappy marriages is a
very small one. If it seems large to the
| casual reader of newspapers this is be-
cause the happy marriages, like the
| happy nation, is one which has no his
| tory; and when, not even an approx
nation to complete contentment is at
| tanned, still the discomfort is not usual
ly marked enough to bring about an
! actual break. We hear of the mar
| riages that are failures; but the very
fact that we hear of them and that so
| much is said about them shows that
they are in reality exceptional. In the
main the institution has been justified
| in its results.
An unhappy marriage really means
| that the two requirements have not
been satisfied. Either the sharers in it
| were attracted to each other from the
very first in unequal degrees, or else
| something prevented the development
| of the community of interest.
The most disquieting fact with which
the sOciolOgists have to deal lies in the
| evidence that it is in the more or less
| cultivated classes that one finds mar
| riage becoming less and less successful
Where the household is so simple as to
make its conduct a matter of anxiety
to husband and wife alike, there they
both go on contented with each other,
| for the common interest is forced up
| on them. They have the same
| anxieties, the same hopes, the same
| pleasures, the same rewards. They do
| not have the time or the inclination to
enjoy the luxury of making each other
miserable. They are by external pres
sure quickly crushed into that unity of
purpose which is the essence of true
| marriage.
There must be a complete absorption
| of two lives in one common existence
| OF else the two must remain eternally
| apart. Man and wife must grow closer
| and closer together or they must be-
| come farther and farther removed. 1t
is no longer enough that the attraction
| " hlch comes from passion should ex-
| list where marriages are made. 1t will
| not tide the pair over the first event
| full year. 1t will bring safety far more
quickly than it ought to do, and will
| end in the sort of marriage which Toll
stoi has so terribly depicted in the
"Kreutzer Sonata
What is essential now to happiness
| is the larger love into which liking also
| enters. In the past women have made
| lamentable failures of their lives by
taking, in their ignorance, men whom
they liked and did not love. The dan
ger today is that they may take the
| men whom they love but do not like
To forget this is to run the risk of
moral shipwreck. Love, in the old
sense. is thing of casual moments
of hours or, if you will. of days-but
the love that also likes is unfailing and
eternal 1t can do more than quicken
and thrill and shake those who are I'M
der the spell of passion. 1t finds it's
source in a deep contentment that is
spiritual no less than physical 1t never
dies. 1t never is dissatisfied or queru-
lOus. 1t is loyal and devoted. 1t is I'M
selfish in its every thought, and it does
not pass away with the ecstasies of
sensation. 1t is the essence of true
comradeship.