The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-03-12
Observation-Disclosures
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L shall never forget the JOY VIII
which I received the news Of my ap-
pointment. It was a year after |
left the university. Strange to say,
my first feeling as I received my ap-
pointment as teacher in the female
gymnasium of the city of n. had
nothing to do with the improve
ment in our economical status
which it implied. l remember that
feeling so clearly that it seems as II
it had all happened but an hour
ago. Maybe it is because Of the oc-
currence which it foreshadowed and
which was destined to leave such
deep trace on my life that l recall
it so wildly every time I think Of it.
However that may be, the first cx-
clamation which I made mentally
as 1 received a letter announcing
my appointment was not, "Now [
shall have about 100 rubles
month" but, E:Now l shall teach a
class of beautiful girls and fall IN
loven
Do not laugh. If you had been
brought up under the same condi-
tions, you would be in similar fur
~. was what is called good boy
and never left my books. When in
St. Petersburg, l was ever trembling
lest I should fail to pass my exam
nations and thus cause mother un-
necessary expense and worry. Be
sides, I had inherited from my fa-
ther retiring, studious nature, and
the very thought Of young ladies
would make my heart beat fast with
a feeling of difidence and timidity.
When l learned about the gymna-
sium where I was to teach physics,
beheld class made up of twenty
or thirty beauties. Why all beau
ties could not have explained, but
there they were-all young and rosy
checked, all tall and all with bashful
blue eyes.
I, too, grew bashful as I thought
of them in their brown dresses and
black aprons. They lured me, ca
ressed my soul, agitated my heart,
threw me into a disQuieting ecstasy
which was as novel to me as it was
sweet and painful.
It had taken me three hours to
dress. I was to make my first ap-
pearance at the gymnasium, and my
first lesson was in the highest class,
which was made up Of girls Of sew
enteen or eighteen. No student pre-
pairing for examination ever trem-
bled as I did on that morning. 1t
was as if instead of scholars | was
to face twenty or thirty ruthless ex-
aminers, each with an incisive pair
of eyes ready to pounce upon my
poor bashful self. I could hear
them giggle at my expense, make
Jokes about my awkwardness, my
necktic, my looks.
When I entered the classroom, ]
struck an attitude of exaggerated
severity. To prove to myself that l
was not afraid of the girls I spoke
ridiculously loud. almost shouted.
As went on explaining the dis
tinction between chemistry and
physics I frowned on my class, look
ed daggers at the front row and al
together behaved as if l bore them
personal grudge.
'Isn't he stern?" I overheard one
girl whisper to another. A thrill of
pride ran through me. "1ou're all
right" I said to myself, and, elated
with the impression I had produced,
I began to feel more at ease and to
stride up and down the room with
the manner Of an old timer. | was
in the seventh heaven. Two girls
were talking in the rear seats.
"Silencew l thundercd. -
There was a suppressed chucklc
at this, and my heart sank within
me. | was the most miserable
wretch in the world.
When I got home, I lay down on
my lounge to think over ! did not
know what, and as tried to pass
the girls in review it came over me
that l had not made out single
face. I could not say whether they
were pretty OF homely, dark or fair,
A blurred image Of young ladies III
gymnasium uniform was all | had
carried away.
The next time ! had a lesson in
the same class l called out Nile.
RyshkiDa. She had evidently given
much time to her lesson, but she
had it all wrong, and, strange to
say, the more she blundered the