The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1902-07-20

FUN OF THE WORLD.
Not long ago a New Yorker well known for his con-
viTia habits. sent box of candy to girl uptown and
card the hacknsyed sentiment Sweets to
the Sweet" The day received brief acknowl-
edgement which read:
anks 10 the tank
The Manchester Guardian tells a good story OF the
weather y sullen sky overhead, the rain poured
uncomprornisingiy. mud underfoo1- red
capped Parsee. sitting the dripping
driver. got down the conductor
What sort o chap is that?" asked the driver
Don't you that answered the conductor.
why. that's o them Indians that worship the
sun?' said the shvering driver I suppose es
ERE rest
This recalls the reply given occasion By
potcntate Queen Victoria. who asked him
whether his people did worship the
Yes Your Majesty" said the orients and II you
him you would worship him also"
*
A tourist agent at Manchester following story
which, says. acquires peculiar interest by being
quiet-looking American entered his ONCE
week and asked him fix nice cheap tour
through Europe-Pars Lucerne Florence. Rome. Venice
and Vienna wished included. 1t found a
the lowest the journey would cost about SIS
stop right there" said the tourist; Wen have
drop place two I had calculated 10 do the show
60.
Now you cannot do very extensive tour through
Europe so, and the reduced at last TO
trip to Lucerne-
We'll" said the American I can't say you've
disappointed me: here you'll do this Take
a pound the ticket gimme guide-books to the
places m missing will good
gg zR
One day the of 1857. Abraham Lincoln was
sitting his office when he visited by one OF his
neghbors. an but inclined IN
crease OF his crops after harvesting He
given particular morning, skifully padded
account O the hay e put
i've been cutting hay too" remarked Mr. Lincoln.
why, Abe you farming?'
Yes"
What you raiser"
Just hay"
Good crops this year.?
Excellent"
How many tons?"
well. I don't just how tons but my
stacked they and then stacked the
rest in the barn"
ggE ZIG
Professor william Archibald Spooner Of Oxford uni
versty. has famous ucicrous word t'1ster
Once special service. seeing some women standing
at the back of the church waiting he rushed
down the aisle addressed the ushers follows
Gentlemen. gentlemen. these ladies into their
sheets?' Being asked dinner what fruit he would
have. promptly replied Pigs heas" This is the
way in Spooner proposed 10 his wife: Being
afternoon home of her father. Bishop Harvey
Goodwin of Carlisle Mrs. Goodwin said; Mr. Spooner.
will YOU please go out into the garden Miss
If she will and make tea? The professor.
en- finding the young lady said Miss Goodwin your
mother told me to ask you If you would come in and
me-"
gzE zg
At a play recently given OF the Milwaukee
theatres the play people appeared the stage
with two dogs the merits Of which they earnestly dis
cussed.
MY dog" said one, indicating smart looking bun
pup Al dog
In that case" observed the other pointing his
dog. a yelow-haired monsrel commonly known as a
'purp"-in that my dog must be 'EIs
joke apparent 10 staid looking bust
with his wife sat behind the people
who tell story neither did his wife the point
Watt iss?~ she asked. everyone laughed.
AL responded her husband. dots Bradstreet
for anybody worth $4,000 'K9 dots for anybody
$1,000
"Ach" said his wife. a lie
Sure said her husband i wouldn't give SO for the
best dog living
gaz EE
Alfred Hemenway OF Boston the lsw partner Of ex-
Secretary Long tells this story a poorly dressed
woman sat alone n a railway station. Attention
called to her by a man. who exclaimed; Here's poor
woman who ticket her destination III chip in
cents Who'll help?" Presently he had hat
fun Of coin and announced: she has than her
fare but not enough shawl; I'll chip In quarter
for that Again made the rounds and again announc
ed: She ought to have bonnet; III chip in half
dollar for the bonnet When he made the rounds
third time newcomer entered the station shook hands
heartily with and turning the philanthro
pist. said
why. Hiram. I'm glad to see you and your wife
again
'Hows this? asked of the contributors Is that
woman your wife,
Yes" drawled the philanthropist-
What right have you 10 collect money for your
wife, demanded several.
What right have ] TO collect money for any other
fellows wife, the retort that closed the debate.
sg
stephen Philips the English poet sitting
in the dra wing London boarding house when
the opened, and tall. powerful wearing
white shoes and carrying ladys mantle his
entered the
What you doing here asked Ar. Philips
I'm a burglar the visitor answered
better put that mantle down" ret0rtcd Mr..
Phillips graciously proceeded show visitor
stairs. opening door and seeing him
safely premises Before the closed the poet
asked. sfterthought. Where did you get that
nantlee" 4 stole Il q the back bed room.
the reply. The in white shoes subsequently,
arrested. Philips densify him.
At the police he had doubt that NJ Sidney
Charles burglar andiady positive
the subject. She had returned Iondon. and Just
she home net the prisoner coming out asked
why he let the prisoner Nr Phillips. who had De-
scribed himself a dramatic poet. ssid there
chlt 90 upstairs and Therefore be did wish
disturbance thinking the best wouid BE- the
out u the house quietly ard then the iHforms