The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1902-11-28
copyrighted, 1902, by Robert Toward

7 see tn fut-balI saison is over"
said Mr.. Dooley. Yale has met Har-
ward wanst again on that there his
toric field where thin c~iIlybrated sim
naries iv Iarnin' has so often pasted
each other, an tn sthrain is at an
cad. Firm now on, they'll be room fr
tn %ordhinry cases iv assault-wit-in-
tint-to-kill in tn pa-apers.
It's become a gr-reat instichoochion
this here game iv fut-balI. Whin was
a young man a colledge was a place
where tn boy iv tn family was stint
That had tn worst EYES. Only tn fraiI,
fair-haired la-al with a hectic flush on
his cheeks liver got a chanst at rale
Larnin'. 'AlphonsO,' says his parent, is
poorly. He niver will do much at tn
pursOOts iv life. He's not sturdy
enough to lay brick an if he left his
glasses at home, annywan cud steal his
money. AVE us sind him to cOlledge
an have him tucked full iv Greek an
Thrignomethry, an Whim he comes
out. maybe he can add a little some |
thing to what we give him be writin'
pothry-' In thin days. tn prisidnts
Az tn colledges whin they wanted to
blow about what they give FIR tn
money they got, announced that they
cud take a boy fresh fr'h his mothers
arms an pipe him SO full iv Homer
that hardly annywan cUd understand
half what he said without tn aid iv
a ditChnry. But nowadays Near-sight-
ed Willis an Hectic Hal stays at home
an tn la-ad picked out FIR tn higher
life is Bill. Nature intinded Bill fr
tn higher life. AT ]sivinteen he weighs
two hundr an tin pounds. He has a
head like a walnut on top iv a bag "
flour an Whin he needs exercise he
goes out an pushes a sthreet car off
the thrack. He cOnVarges so much
tO'rd tn top that they wasn't room to
put III a complete set ~ think devices,
but what he has is weIl-prOticted be a
roof iv chilled steel covered with Vul-
caniZed rubber. TIL small but imam
yOus masheen concealed in this cupoly
is called be Bill his brain an is used
eutirely to cOnthroI tn action w his
legs an arms. Whin called upon FIR
other purposes, it begins to ache. In
other days On'y death wud have kept
Bill firm bein' a butcher As it is tn
family don't hardly know what to do
with him. He's too sthrong TO be licked
an too big to be cOaXed an they are
s~eeryOusIy thinkin' iv rentin' him out
Or a sign board, whin wan day a
letther comes firm the prisidint iv a
cOlledse: Dear Sir an Madam: l un-
dherstand that we ave in ye'er family
a large piece iv raw beef that wud
make a good cinter rush. l STRONGLY
advise We to sind him to our far-famed
university. Tn cOIledge man is be-
CONG more an more a facthor iv
Ame~can life. Five j. our grajates is
superintendent iv paciEin' houses, eight
is prize fighters, thirty-twO is pro-
fissiOnal sthrOng men an wan thOusan'
eighty-fOur has dedicated their lives to
teachin' tn young idee how to MAIN.
In other NVIIrrII6c fhaU r-rn nrnfG-
siOnaI fut-ball coaches. TIL enthrance
examinations is suited to tn needs iv
IN day but is reasonably Sthrict on
weigh an measurement. TIL coOrse is
what is called ilictive. A student can
choose between fut-oalI baseball, row
in an bOxin.' W. offer this year an
unusually good cOOrse in mayhem I'M
diner tn charge iv tn cillybrated pro-
fissOr Billy tn Bite. TIL undher-
graduates ar-re constantly undher tn
watchful eyes iv tn mos renowned ex-
perts in tn full-nelsOn, tn hammer
lock. tn ~Sthrangle holt, gOugin'. bitin'
ar buttin' with tn head We attimpt
as far as possible 10 give thin mild
ricreatiOnS ra-aliZin' that all wurruk
an play makes Jack d slOb, an in pur-
sOOance iY this thOus Mt, we ave an
avenin' coorse iv arson in which tn
CoHedge buildin'S an admin private
property is used. F'a be it firm me to
1855 dlllIy llIlIS lhdl uu DC dSdIlSl
tn rules iv amaChOOr SpoOrt to which
our Colledge is CiddyCated, but if We
cud crate Bill up an snip him to us, l
will tell we that | have jus fired tn
professor iv lithrachoor an if Bill
watche close he may zee his salary ly-
IN on tn dure step
An so Bill rolls OF to colledSe an
afther awhile raypOrts come home firm
him. TIL Cinter Rush iv the Hoops
town Varsity is Beefy Bill LOnergan.
Tn coaches is all wild about his wur-
ruk-B Both Bill Cassidy an Assassin"
jerks who were in tn m~urdherOus
lightweight team say he is far beg
ther thin Chaw Gumbin iv that year.
This IS high praise but Bill deserves it.
He is not as good with tn teeth as
that great scholar an he needs tn
practice he is gettin' firm "Purrer'
Sampson. ninety-threa, in tn knee-cap
kick, but in tn ear-hold, TIL sudden
goSeA tn "Trip. tn butt-in-th'-
STOMACH. tn thump-iu-th'-mOuth an
Ia abdominal heel, he is perhaps with
out an akel. YisteGhah durin' tn first
half he broke tn orearm iv Hannigan.
tn cinter rush iv tn scrub iliven.'
Think " tn mother at home readin'
these glad tidings while tears iv joy
fill her eyes. She goes to her room an
Offers up, p'raps. a little prayer fr her
maynard boy that tn mex time he
meets Hannigan twill be a compound
fracture.
DAY be day tn news ~ Bill an his
team takes up more room. TIL facility
" HOOpstOwn has stint PinkertOn ditto
tiVes to spy on tn secret practice " tn
sister varsity. TIL half-back iv Hoops
town is SUSPECTED to be in tn employ
iy Bonneville 'HOOpStown university
has employed a wCI-known lagal firm
to procure writ IL injunction again
Bonneville to prevint Bluff StigginS
tn cinteT rUsh firm playin'.
with tn aid iv tn polls. tn HOopStown
. authorities have discovered that Stig-
gins was paid -four thousan'l dollars to
lave his job as lOngshoreman an enter
tn university Prisidint LeksicoEs i
Hoopstown an Professor McGOo, docto,
iv systematic thayology at Boonesville
nearly come to blows y~isterdah over tn
approachin' fut-ball game. Tn pro-
fssor havin' made some invidyous re-
mark about Stiggins. tn prisidint ray
torted that Hump Dorsey, tn full
back iv tn Hoopstown iliven was
thirty-eight years old, had a wife an
,L;II IN SaadaClV a was a nroSSSiona