Atlanta semi-weekly journal. (Atlanta, Ga.) 1898-1920, 1902-05-05
A HAMMOCK'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
Pessimistie Observations on Marrying
of the Old Mans Three Girls.

of the Old Mans Three Girls.
Chicago Tribune.
An old WORKOUT hammock, whipped to
shreds by the bowling winds of winter,
rotted by snow and rain, and hanging be-
tween two large oak trees in Wetherby
Rudd's side yard by ropes long insecure,
turned its weather-beaten back against
a balmy spring breeze and with show
of bitter resentment Missed: II see my
finish. Where I land is not even matter
of speculation. Come around this way in
about two weeks and you will see what
is left of this frail, old body, peacefully
reposing on the top of the gardeners
cleaning-up bonfire and quietly going up
in smoke.
Have I a kick coming? Well. now. 1
wonder. In the first place. my finish in
itself is nothing to be particularly proud
of, and when you take into consideration
the fact that have helped to marry OF
old Rudd's family of three girls you will
at least concede me the right to tell a
haro -uck story. saw Rudds wife look
ing through a hammock catalogue the
other day, and I've lived just long enough
to know that it's twenty-three for me.
Seems to me I can feel that onion patch
fire licking up my bones this minute.
Look at me! Would you believe ever
was new and hung in a shopkeeper's win
dow with a ticket on me marked 500?
hhNlAr uA0 NAcLl NCAg NhAiA6f anu ACROA SUI
mixed up in a closing out sale. either.
fell in with the Rudd family just three
years ago at about this season. They
kept me in the house for a while. but
soon was hauled out in the yard and
strunk up between these came trees. Here
1 have remained ever since. with the ex-
ception of two winters, when they stored
me in the garnet under an ice chest and
lot of heavy trunks.
when began serving old Rudd's fam
lily there were three daughters, and they
all wanted TO get married. There was
Angelina, the youngest. Bah! / shud-
der when I think of her. She was the
softest and silliest of the trio. / used
to get dizzy when she sat in me and
did her line OF talk. To tell you the
truth, was ashamed of my job. but she
finally made good with a bank clerk. and
I got rid OF her. / wasn't sorry, either.
mo sooner had Angelina quit lodging
the moons rays that used to steal down
through tho branches of these trees on
summer evenings than daughter No. ,
came along, and I had to help her grab
of a husband. They called her Pearlic
and, say, she was a pearl. She wasn't
worse than Angelina, because that would
have been an imposslbility, but she was
not more than fourteen inches from the
limit.
This Pearlie took lariat and went out
after a young dentist who smoked cigar
cites and said really and %, my.
couldn't stand this, you know, so one
night when they were both sitting pract-
cally in one spot with their heads so close
together that you couldn't distinguish who
was who, 1 just threw up my hands and
collapsed. The next thing Pearlie and the
dentist knew they were on the ground. ]
know it was a mean trick, but can tell
when / have enough. Pearlie and her
r4enn N moved around
keep me out of the light, and they sat in
me seven nights of the week long after the
lights in old Rudd's house had been turned
out.
but one night they failed to show up
and 1 didn't know what the trouble was
until 1 heard old Rudd say to his wife one
night:
We'll. I'm glad Pearlie's got the dent
list. She's been a pretty expensive luxury
for some time.
Then knew that Pearlie had followed
Angelina but still 1 didn't breathe easy,
for there was still another. Gwendolyn
had to be provided for. She was the oldest
and had mighty hard time catching on.
In fact, heard old Rudd say enc night
that he was afraid her case was hopeless.
But it wasn't.
"a new preacher came to town and he
hadn't unpacked his books before Gwen
dolyn nabbed him. The way she froze
on to that preacher was caution.
used to see them walking about the yard.
but she couldn't land him my way for a
long time. One night, however. when
there was a seductive full moon, the
preacher fell victim to her charms, and
the next thing he knew he was sitting in
the. middle of my back, with Gwendolyn
in his lap. I sort of liked Gwen. as they
called her, and I didn't move, for fear
of frightening the preacher. After that
first night you couldn't have kept Mr..
Clergyman away from me with a stand
ing army. 1 heard him propose to her,
and could hardly keep from laughing, for
he seemed afraid she would refuse. I
knew better. Gwen had been too busy
corraling him to take any chances. so she
giggled and blushed and mumbled Yes
Then 1 heard a loud smack. but never
have been able to make up my mind
whether he kissed her or the noise was
made by the breaking Of a limb IN this
tree over here.
i've simply been telling you what
have done. You see what / am,
there's no need of further comment. Old
Rudd didn't even think enough of me to
put me into winter quarters this year. and
altogether I've had a hard time OF it.
The one thing that hurts me more than
any other is that my successor won't
have to marry off any of Rudd's daugh-
tiers. I've cleaned up the list"
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