davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
The Greatest ThinC of All.

That she has golden hair divine
To me is no great shakes,
But I bow down before the fine
Plump waffles that she makes.
Her classic features that / see
My thirst for beauty slakes;
Yet not so much are they to me
AS are the cakes she bakes.
love her eyes, whose limpid blue
Rivals Norwegian lakes;
Yet forget them-so would you
When browsing on her steaks.
Girls, If you're pretty, nothing more,
You are but arrant fakes.
A husbands love flies out the door
Whene'er his stomach aches.
New York Times.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
Failure.

81 thought Spoonamore was going to
marry Miss Garlinghorn, but see she
has let him get away"
Eyes; her father didn't appear to be
at all anxious for the match, and her
mother was a little too anxious. She
lost him on account Of bad team
work. "-Chicago Tribune.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
THE TITLE.

elbow in the world did ST Slocum get
the title of HON." asked the stran-
ger.
"Waal," said the village philosopher,
1--WE amt 'Xactly sure whether the
Hon means 'ornery' CT not, but l
guess it fits him. Baltimore Herald.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
FatherIy Advice.

"Mr. GotroX," began the nervous
young man, 'I-er-that is, your daugh-
ter is the-er-apple Of my eye, and''-
"That will do, young man." inter
rupted the granite hearted parent.
"Here's So for you. Go consult an ocu-
list Chicago News.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
Bad Breaks.

Chaffer-You can stop your auto very
quickly, can't your l suppose it has
an eccentric brake?
Shaffer-Huh! It's had all kinds OF
breaks, and they're all eccentric
Philadelphia Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
THE ARIZONA KICKER
,.~.%.%.~.~.~.e.>.%.~.~.~.<

Copyright, 1902. by c. B. Lewis]
A VA pulls and progressive cheek
A% ers are going to be all the
rage among our local Four
I undred this winter, and highballs
and rabbit sandwiches will be the only
refreshments handed out
The editor of the Grass Valley Ban
ner has gone to his reward. That is,
he allowed a buffer to pull his nose a
month ago without resistance and the
other day his office was raided and he
was driven into the bush as natural
result.
The agricultural department, which
has been one Of the features Of the
Kicker for the last year, has been in
definitely suspended. We have tried
our level best to run a department on
burdocks. wild plums and rattlesnakes,
but it has proved too agricultural for
us.
There are not as many "colonelS" in
town as there were last week. Ten of
them got notice from the vigilance
committee the other day to leave for
other fields, and they prudently needed
the caution. Colonel Defoe is left, but
he is not worth hanging.
1t may save certain people more or
less trouble and ammunition to be told
that our bedroom in the postoffice is
bullet proof. A hundred shots may be
fired through the windows fronting the
street, out not one will reach us. Wait
until daylight and then have fair
pop at us.
When the Lone Jack Recorder says
that we hold twelve public offices, it
tells falsehood, as the number is only
six. When it says that we banker for
more, it tells the truth.
Major Callahan Jones, who boasts OF
participating in four wars, six duels,
five Indian skirmishes and a dozen sa-
loon rows, is lying in the town hospital
with a broken leg. An old cross eyed
mule kicked him. M. QUAD.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
His Consolation.

"Why do you let your wife belong to
all those woman's rights clubs?"
II don't mind. She doesn't put in her
time making tides that stick all over
the furniture and come off in the mid
die of your back. "-Washington Times.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
Summed Up.

The Widow-I want man to do odd
jobs about the house, run on errands,
one that never answers back and is al
ways ready to do my bidding.
Applicant-You're looking for hus-
band, ma'am.-New York Life.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
A Strong Man.

"Jaysmith is strong man." said Ten
spot.
'Indeed?" asked Goslin.
eyes. l have seen him break TWEEN
ty dollar goldpiece."
"Ah, presume you mean that he is
a strong man financially" = Detroit
Free Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
Activity.

Wigwag-It makes me hustle to pay
my rent.
Harduppe-The question of rent keeps
me moving too.-Phi . lelphia Record.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
Domestic Economies

She-Do you think my cooking is
economical?
He-Why, yes. Your bread lasts
much longer than does the cooks
Yonkers Statesman.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
The Usual Way.

He-How did you come to get inter
ested in that story?
She-I liked the way it ended.--De-
troit Free Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18

Visitor-Put your faith in the right,
and no harm can reach you.
Pugilist-Dat was just de trouble. I
put me faith in me right, but his left
was too much for me.-ChicagO News.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
IzZH : 8

The walking sick, what
a crowd of them there are:
Persons who are thin and
weak but not sick enough
. go to bed.
"Chronic cases. that's
what the doctors call them,
which in common English
means long sickness.
10 stop the continued
oss of flesh they need
Scott S Emulsion. For the
feeling of weakness they
iced SCOTS Emulsion.
It makes new flesh and
gives new life to the weak
system.
!. SCOTS Emulsion gets
thfn and weak persons out
Of the rut. 1t makes new,
-ich blood, strengthens the
nc~vc5 and gives appetite
for ordinary food.
CcOtt's Emulsion can be
ken as long as sickness
lasts and do good all the
time.
j here's new strength
an | flesh in every dose.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18
Embarrassed.
"Are they lovers?

"Are they lovers?
"Yes. Didn't you notice how hard
it was to get them to talk to each other
at dinner?'' -Detroit Free Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18

'How much is in it, Jimmie?"
"Well, l put in cents two weeks
ago and cents yesterday, and then
the interest III amount to somethin'."-
New York Evening Journal.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18

Copyright, 1902. by c. B. Lewis.]
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-12-18

When the Lone Jack Recorder says
that we hold twelve public offices, it
tells a falsehood, as the number is only
six. When it says that we banker for
more, it tells the truth.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

New ork. Jan. 1S-JEo clip from
twenty-four to thirtysiX hours from the
reco.d time for crossing the Atlantic is
the promise of the New York and Euro
pean Steamship company. new trans
atlantic steamship line which offers as
Surance of a speedy fultillment of its
pledge, says the Tribune. This company,
which has already applied for pier priv
ileges in this city and formulated the
larger part of its plans. expects 10y the
substitution OF the turbine engine for
that now in use, To secure Il constant
speed of thirty knots an hour in its boats.
Such q speed VIII mean that passengers
can be carried from this country to Eu-
rope in q little more than four days.
The success that has attended the use
of the turbine engine in Europe aud espe-
cially the rcmarka be speed that has been
secured thereby has naturally raised the
question as to its adaptability for trans
atlantic steamers. In this city n strong
company has been organized and plans
have. been pretty well completed for this
new line To cut off a day in the time
of crossing the Atlantic will mean to
bring enormous profits TO the steamship
company which succeeds in doing it,
Fast mails. not only Of this country but
those which are beginning TO pass
through from Australia and the far East,
Will naturally fall 10 the steamship com
pany that can ID ndle them quickest. De
livcrCd at Que, stoWn these mails could,
according to the plans of the New York
and European company. he carried in
three days and sever hours, a reduction
Of two days from the present time. OF
the Importance and value of the turbine
engine. Prof K. H. 1burstOn recently
spoke at length bcfore"the Society Of Me
chanical Engineers.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25
WHAT SETTLERS IN SASkArcHE.
WAN VALLEY HAVE TO SAY.
Formerly from the United States.

Formerly from the United States.
Rosthern, July s, 1900.
Frank Pedley, Esq, Superintendent of
Immigration:
Strive, the undersigned, settlers in
Saskatchewan, township 49, range G.
beg to submit the following letter. We
came from Springfield, Bonhomme
County, South Dakota, in the spring OF
1899, and settled where we now reside
We had considerable crop last year
we put in on new breaking, and it was
very good, and this year, 1900, our crop
is excellent. Our wheat will yield about
twenty bushels to the acre, the oats
and barley are also very good. and our
potatoes and root crop all that could
be desired. We consider this a fine
country, and are glad we came as our
prospects could not be better. A poor
man will get a start in this country
much quicker than in Dakota.
We are yours respectfully,
John II. Schultz, II. A. Goshen. s.
Gors, B. H. Dirks, C. d. Unry, p. Unry.
A. Ratzlief, all from South Dakota,
T. S A
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25
The Birth of a Melody.

Z. S. Thomas. manager Of the New
orleans University singers, tells the fol-
lowing incident regarding one OF the
most beautiful of negro melodies:
Steal Away to Jesus was originated
IN the sugar fields of Louisiana. 1t was
used as a signal for religious meetings
In the swamps by the slaves When any
q me cd mother or father slaves, while
toiling up and down the long rows Of
sugar cane, felt the impulse for religious
communion, he or she would begin sing
ing Steal Ave- to Jesus As the quaint
and tender melody floated over the field
another voice, perhaps a quarter of n
mile away. would take it up, and grad.
ually all the slaves, numbering between
So0 and 400, would join in, until a mel
low chorus, ineXpreesibly melodious,
would float away on the magnoia-laden
air. The singing would last long enough
10 assure the one who started it that
every one had heard the signal for thu
meeting, which would surely take place
IN the heart of a swamp in the vicinity,
where the worshiperS would be secure
from interruption. New York Times.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25
Conrt Reverses Proverh.

zone of the most unique legal decisions
ever rendered., said Senator Elkins to a
Washington Post reporter as he dis
cussed the present tendency of trusts and
railroad combinations, lis credited to
Judge Howe of Wisconsin, who was aft
erward postmaster general In the
course of an argument before him the
lawyer repeated the phrase, Competition
is the life of trade As soon as he ut
tered the words Judge Howe straight
ened himself and held out his hand for
the attorney to desist talking for a mo-
ment. 1t is nothing of the kind he said.
I hereby decide that competition is not
the life of trade And" continued Sena-
tor Elkins. his decision went into the
law books
Mr.. Elkins agrees with Judge Howe.
He thinks that unrestrained competition
Is disastrous.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

In the midst Of exposition failures it
seems that ii is possible for pittsburg
to keep up a show that is profitable. Ii
has an annual exposition. and when the
members of the society by which it is
conducted held their yearly meeting re
Gently they received the good news that
the profits of the last season were over
$4,000 This is $4,000 in excess Of the
profits Of the previous best season, which
was 1900. This satisfactory result was
obtained in spite of the competition Of
the Buffalo show. and the fact that the
weather during the greater part of the
season was anything but favorable.
Pittsburg is not the largest city in the
country, hut in an enterprise Of this
kind ii can put the big cities to the
blush Philadelphia Press.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25
Road Sign Posts in France.

Cyclists who contemplate touring IN
France will be pleased to learn that the
road from Dieppe to Paris is now SO
completely provided with signposts that
a foreign cyclist landing in Normandy
without a map would not have the slight
est difficulty in making his way 10 Paris
il he followed the roadside directions
The entire route is divided into mum
tered sections and at frequent intervals
the cyclist is informed by signpOsts a.
10 the turnings, inclines. distances, etc
All the great highways from Paris are
TO be treated in the same way.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25
Deafness Canpot Re Cured

by local applications. as they cannot reach the
diseased portion of the ear There is only one
way 10 cure deafness. and that is by cOnStit;l.
Iional remedies. Deafness is caused by an In
lanled condition of the mucous lining of the
EuStaehian Tube. When this tube Is infamed
ynu have y rumblng sound or imperfect hear
ing and when it is entirely closed. Deafness Is
the result, and unless the Inflammation can be
taken out and this tube restored 10 its normal
condition, hearing viii he destroyed forever;
nine eases out of ten are caused Ivy catarrh,
which Is nothing but an infiamed condition Of
the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any
case OF Deafness caused by catarrhl that can
not be G. ed by Halls Catarrh Cure. send for
circulars, free.
+. j. CHENEY s. CO., Toledo, 0.
ssrSold by Druggists. 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the host
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

story pictures which find so many adj
m.rers among picture buyers and these
brought good prices One Of the Dau-
hignys, which always command Il large
interest. fetched the Top price of the
salc-SI050. 1t was 't5n the Banks of
the Marne.' and was bought by George
Foster Peabody. Besides the Daubigny
he purchased an exquisite Gain. lie
Dernier Quarter and this he followed
by the purchase Of poetic landscape of
Wyants. Some of the best prices were:
Cows and Sheep" Van Marcke: c. S.
Guthrie. $500 Landscape" Wyant !;
s. \. French, 1880. "A Bashi-Ba-
zouk," Gerome; J. Oppcr $1,000. Land
scape and Sheep jacques; Joseph Met
calfe. $500 Toilet of Venus" Diaz:
f. l.. Loring. $1475. "A Beech Wood
in Winter" Munthe; \. y. Anderson.
$3.50. In Danger" Schreycr: C. s.
Guthrie. $1,000. a Wallachian Team, :"
Schreycr; c. S. Guthrie, $1,000.
Another chapter in the story of Ed
ward 5. Stokes and Rose l.. Barclay. a
beautiful octoroon, has come TO light
with the service of two writs of replevin
for the recovery Of two oil paintings that
once decorated the famous cafe of the
Hoffman house. the pictures, which
disappeared from the Hoffman house,
We're replevined from the Manhattan
storage warehouse, where they had been
stored by ELLA Hathorne" last fall.
ELLA HathOrne" is Rose l.. Barclay, it
is now learned, and the pictures, she as
serts, were given her by Edward S.
Stokes. Years ago, when the Hoffman
ho&se cafe was famous for its fine col
lection Of pictures, three of the most
notable of the collection were "Faust's
Dream" Loves Surprise" and "Eve. y
They were all by Bouguereau. When
Edward s. Stokes died last fall the Hoff-
man House company awakened TO the
fact that the paintings were of great
value and made strenuous efforts TO find
them. After much search it was learned
two of the paintings, "Fausts Dream
and Loves Surprise" were stored in
the Manhattan warehouse. John +.
Cadagan, president Of the Hoffman
House company, applied for writs of re-
plevin. In his application he states that
the pictures are worth $1,000 each. This
valuation is ridicuously low. Experts
declare the paintings are worth fully
$4,000 or $4,000 apiece.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25
These Are Plain Words.

Marshfield. Mo-, Jan. 20.-Mr. ]. F.
King of this place makes the following
statement:
4 have suffered untold agony for
twenty years with Lame Back and
Acute Kidney Disease, and in that time
have never been two days together
clear of misery, and for some of the
time l could not walk step or even
sit up.
Last spring, after trying many doc
tors and every remedy that could be
thought of, l began treatment Of
Dodd's Kidney Pills. The good results
were almost immediate and for the last
seven months l have seen more comfort
and pleasure than 1 have for twenty
years before.
Amy one with Kidney Disease or
Lame Back that will not try Dodd's
Kidney Pills deserves to suffer"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

the largest being at Marscilles. have been
forced to seek cheaper vegetable oil than
that from the cottonseCd. because the de-
mand for cotton oil by rctiners who make
it foodstuif has advanced its price ia 4
point Mt which it cannot prohtably be
Inade into SOAn
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25
1t Excited Constantinople.

Great excitement reigned all over Con-
stantinople the other morning when it
was noticed that the British embassy
was flying from its flagstaff three en-
signs, one above the other. All sorts of
rumors sprang into circulation, ranging
from declaration of peace in the Trans
vaal to the story that the embassy was
the gunboats. Directly, however. the at
tention of the embassy officials was
drawn to the fact by host of eager
inquirers, the flags were hauled down,
and it was discovered that some Jealous
servant had thought they were damp
and that this was the best way of drying
them.-London Telegraph.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

Mrs. William Astor, long . GUNNER
resident, will become a permanent resi-
dent of Newport. thus changing her Of
fetal dOmicile from New York to that
city. She has filed with the clerk of the
Supreme court here a petition for Ger
Rhode Island The petition will come
before Judge John r. Blodgett, sitting in
the Supreme court here and will be
heard doubtless on deposition. and Mrs
Aston will be duly registered as a citizen
Of this state, with residence in Newport
The tax assessor of Newport will then
port will receive the benefit Of the large
amount of tax on her personal estate
which they are now paying into the treas
ury OF Greater New York.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

Eyerybo knows that the John 4.
Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse, Wis. are the
largest seed potato growers in the world,
so when their president. Henry 4. Salzer,
recently purchased 21,000 acres more OF
ideal potato land, all wondered what for.
We'll. it is for potatoes and miles
af .tnta toes
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

Miss Alice Morton's engagement to
Winthrop Rutherfurd. which has been
announced, is of interest. and the fore
runner of a brilliant Easter wedding. 1t
probably will be celebrated in Grace
church. the scene Of the marriage Of Miss
Edith l.. Morton. another daughter Of
former XicePresident and Mrs. Levi p
Morton. with William Corcoran EustiS
in June. 1900 Miss Alice Morton has
been sojourning at the Virginia Hot
Springs OF late and is now expected to
return home Immediately. She was one
Of the two bridesmaids Of her sister, Miss
Helen Morton. when her marriage with
Comte Bosom de Perigord was celebrated
in London October ). the other being
Miss Mary Morton, a younger sister
The bride-elect is y years old. and her
fiance, Mr.. Rutherfurd. is just donble her
age. Mr.. Rutherfurd who is Of the old
New York family of his name, is a mem
Der Of the Union, Knickerb0cber. Rae
duet, Westminster Kennel, Meadow
Brook and other clubs. His only sister,
Mrs. Henry White. has lived for many
years in London, where her husband Is
secretary of the American embassy.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25
Busiest Eight Days in Congress.

The great amount Of work accomp-
lished by the House of Representatives
during the eight days of its present SEES
sion is shown by a statement just pre-
pared by Thomas II. Mckee, the journal
clerk of the House, who says the report
page contained 100 words, or a total Of
297 500 words which the journal clerks
were required to record, being 234 words
for every minute--a record unprecendent-
ed in the history Of Congress. The total
number of bills introduced in the House
was 1923, an excess of more than 1000
over any other previous session. OF these
bills 297O were referred to single com
mittee-that on invalid pensions. In the
last Congress the total number of bills
introduced in the House was 1889 for
the entire Congress. Washington Star.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

There are now in Europe forty STA.
tons equipped for wireless telegraphy
and FIVE in America About sixty vessel.
have put in the necessary apparatus.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25
Mother 0ray's Sweet Powders for
Children.

Successfully used by Mother Gray, nurse
in the Chiidren's Home. in New York.
Cure Feverishness. Bad Stomach, Teeth
ing Disorders, move and regulate the
Bowels and Destroy Worms. over 30
900 testimonials At all druggists, Zoe.
Sample mailed FREE. Address Allen
s. Olmstead, Leroy, y. y.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25
Sweet Potatoes for London.

An experiment in marketing Jersey
sweet potatoes in London is made by a
New Jersey grower who has shipped
three lots, one in sawdust. one in fancy
wrappers and one loose in the barrels.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

Lake Baikals, greatest distinction is
its size. 1t is the largest fresh water
lake on the Asiatic or the European con-
tnent, being 400 miles long and from IL
TO So miles in width
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

Two hundred rifle clubs, with men,
bership Of over $4,000, are now affiliated
with the British National Rifle associa-
ton.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

Scventy-eight paintings, which formed
the collection Of the late Henry T. Cox
Vt Brooklyn, were sold by Thomas +.
Kirby Of the American Art association
Mt Mendelssohn hall Friday evening fo-
500, 40. Many Of the canvases were the
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

Wireless telegraph stations are now
being erected by the japanese authorities
on the COrean coast
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

For the real. good old Buckwheat flavor.
buy Mrs. Austin's Buckwheat and don't
forget the name.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

"A ton of lead is fired for every man
killed in battle. Statistics Of European
wars show that from 1900 to 10000
shots are fired for every person disabled
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

Shanghai is the first Chinese city to
arrange for electric street railways.
There are 1900 muscles in the body
Of moth.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-01-25

The Holland society held its seven.
teenth annual dinner at the Waldorf-As-
toria Thursday night. The toasts were:
Dutch Influence in the Development of
the Empire State" New Amsterdam
New York" Dutch Lawyers and 9th
ers from Philadelphia and Elsewhere. =
dutch Love Making" "Knickerbocker
and Other Traits and "The Dutch Pre-
emption." A letter from President kru-
ger, through his secretary, was read.
thanking the society for a copy of the
society's year book, and also thanking
the members for the material support
voted Boer families. The trustees Of the
society were directed to expend $1,000
to relieve the wants of the families Of
the Beers.