davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12
Twain on the Mi.is.ippi.

A few nights ago Mark Twain told to
some friends a story about himself,
which he failed to incorporate in Life on
the Mississippi" Once when he started
on a trip down the river on a fatboat
he was advised never to answer the Ques-
tions asked by rivermen on other boats.
and never to handy words with them. as
he would be sure always to come out sec
ond best. He followed the advice reli-
Giously for a time, but one day he thought
he saw a chance to get the better of a
riverman. who called out:
Hey thar. what yer loaded WITH
"Jackasses. Don't you want to come
aboard?' yelled back Twain.
That's what l reckoned. SEEM as how
they let Their biggest donkey hev Their run
of the deck came back. Twain made a
dive below. as all the rivermen in the
neighborhood set up a derisive laugh at his
cxpense.-Exchange.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12
Peace with Honor.

A Lonetown gentleman. whose fruit
orchards had been very often robbed.
caught q boy up one OF his trees.
Come down, you young rascal!' shouted
the owner.
"Noa fear. and you there" replied the
urchin.
well I'll wait till you do"
''Verra weel." said the lad.
They had waited about an hour, when sn
idea occurred to the boy. Snatching an ap-
pie, he took a steady aim and hit the old
fellow on the head wiAh it.
Halo, what's up now"
It's just this. I'm gaun to keep peltin'
till every apples of the tree unless We
promise not to lick me. for II I'm gaun to
get a hidin' I'm gaun to hae me sport for
1t. What dye say"
The old fellow nae to agree.-Answers.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12
NV Pine md I

MY ripe ana
As We sit together in the dusky time,
My pipe and j.
l whisper a secret, o pipe, Of mine.
Richer and sweeter than rare old wine:
Bury it deep in your amber bowl.
This secret rare. for my very soul
Cries out in It's gladnesB.
o pipe of mine.
We've been together In the old glad time.
My pipe and /.
With never a secret. o pipe Of mine:
With never a secret to woe my soul
From its restful joy in your amber bowl:
With never a rival in all the world
To mingle with your smoke as it curled
Above us. o pipe of mine
But now as We sit in the dusky time,
Tried and trusted friend Of mine,
An angel face with a woman's form
Slips thro' the dusk-a and soft and warm
Steals Into my own, o pipe of mine.
Does it mean foreboding and IL II a sign
That a rival IS born.
o pipe of mine?
Shall we revel no more in the dusky time,
My pipe and I?
Will your floating clouds and your amber
bow
Fail to bring joy to my waiting soul?
Can it be this woman with angel face
Shall slip thro' the dusk into your place
In my heart and I forget you,
o pipe Of mine?
Nay, listen, old comrade. tried and true,
Blest pipe of mine.
I can safely trust my secret with you:
It's no vision that's sailing my fancy thro',
And loyal and leal I'll be to you,
For she says, this woman with angel grace,
That she will never usurp your place,
Beloved pipe OF mine.
Exchange.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12
Proverbs Gone Wrong.

rover Gone Wrong.
A kiss is as good as q mile.
It's a long lane that has no cyclist.
More basic, less meat.
Where there's a will there's q lawsuit
One swallow doesn't make a supper.
Too many cooks spoil the bobby
Never put off till tomorrow the man you
can do" to-day.
A stitch I'm the side wastes time.
Those who live in glass houses should re-
move.
First brush your hair before you comb II.
A bird In the hand needs no bush.
Much sigh. little fool!
What amt be cured must be eaten fresh.
A friend in need is n bore indeed.
It's not the miles We motor. but the pace
that kills.
It's never too late to END.
Love me little. love me not at all.-The
King.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12
Ever-RecurrinE Tragedy.

"Alone in a great city,"
A groan burst from the young mans pals
lid lips.
Alone in a great city! Ha! That r..
minds me- -
With feverish haste he rushed to the
nearest pawnbroker's.
Nov much on this?" he asked. BREATH
lessly. thrusting his overcoat at the pro-
prietOr
Three dollars"
Give me the cashl'
He grabbed the money and the pawn
check and rushed forth into the open air
again.
"A loan in a great city!' he chuckled.-
Chicago Record Herald
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12
Dress Parade.

Dress Parade.
Captain Great Toe.
Corporal Little Toe,
Baby counts his men.
Five on n Side, five on t'other side,
Five and five make ten!
Up, up. Great Toel
Up. up, Little Toe!
Baby laughs and crowS.
All the men come marching up
And over Baby goes!
Two big Captains.
Two little Corporals.
With their whole brigade
For baby's Major General.
And this is dress parade!
Brace Baxter, in Youths Companion.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12

Il observe that you are crooked
Said the oyster
In his cloister
AS he watched a wriggling shrimp.
Said the shrimp:
You measly mp,
I'll put a crimp
In you. you slick and Shiny imp.
You may bras,
You scalawag.
OF the honesty and virtue OF your name.
The trick is old.
So | am told,
Still men are sold
By your al tiquated ~bunkoing. the shell
game.
-Times-Democrat.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12
Solemn Reelection.

a SoIemn HeAect1On.
You may sing OF the sun and the sky
serene
And tho blossom that gayly blows;
But where Is the Joy in q sylvan scene
When you're wearing your last years
clothes?
And where is the pleasure in all the town
Where the hurrying crowds seem gay
When your shoes are cracked and the heels
run down
And your trousers begin to fray7
When your hat grows rusty about the
brim,
And your collars begin to scratch,
And your sleeves have q luster weird and
grim.
And you buttons no longer match,
Prate on; philosophizs a you may;
And your words may with truth be rife,
But when you feel like the One-Hoss Shay,
Oh. where is the Joy in life?
Washington Star.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12
PenciIinRa.

II the married man would only try the
experiment some day of saying to his wife
some of the charming things that he says
to other women he would be surprised and
gratified at the result.
Humor and pathos are closely allied. In
other words, 1t is pathetic to see what some
people think is funny.
If all liars had to nay for licenses most of
our present taxes might be Immediately
abolished.
What a lovely cataract!' exclaimed tho
oculist as he caught his first view Of Nj
asara Falls.
The secret Of success is often found by
watching other peoples faiIures.-Somer-
willie Journal.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12
Just always will be

will never change. eh? Just always will be
the same. l suppose?"
II don't think l will change"
lust like / was. 1 suppose she has not
asked you for a $50 suit when you only
had s25 the day before pay day?'
No. of course not"
You just waltz and he turned on his
heel and walked off down the street.-Salt
Lake Herald.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12
COntentment,

Has the world gone wrong? I hear q child
Who is singing a happy song.
And across the way an anvil rings.
And yonder a maiden hurries along
With a look that only gladness brings.
Has the world gone wrong? 1 see tho
CLEAN
OF love in a lovers eyes.
And yonder upon the wooden gate, :,
Where lovers have gazed at the starry
skies,
A sparrow cheeps to its little mate.
Ha. the world gone wrong? I hear the
sounds
That men who arc busy make,
1 hear the engines pun away.
And. strong in body. l go TO take
The little part that 1 have to play.
Has the world gone wrong? There's many
a man..
When his work is done Tonight,
who will hurry away from care to see
Glad faces glow where hearts are light
Oh. the world is good to them and me.
Chicago Record Herald.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12
The Hen Business.

Father: Now. see here! II you marry
that young pauper. how on earth are you
going to live?"
Sweet Girl: I'VE have figured that ell
out. You remember that old hen my aunt
gave me?'
Father: YES"
Sweet Girl: well. I've been reading a
poultry circular. and I find that a good hen
will raise twenty chicks a season. Well,
next season there will be twenty-one hens.
and as each will raise more chicks, that
will be 40. The next year the number will
be 500. the following year 16s. 900 and the
next $3.50. 900. Just think! At only a form
apiece We will then have over f3o0, 000. Then,
dear old papa, We will lend you some mon
ey to pay off the mortgage OF this house"
-Tit-BitS,
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12
,Luat Matt.

Hello. Charley. I haven't seen you since
I was married.? said a newly married man
to a friend he CHANGED to meet down on
Main street.
NO" replied the friend, you have been
50 devoted to home Of late that no one has
seen you"
Yes. I don't hang around like I used
to-"
You arc Just like I was" said the other,
who had been married for some years.
Just found the society Of the wife enough.
eh?'
YES, we do not tire OF each other"
lust like I was. I suppose you think 1t
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12
Desire.

II / could speak. and show you all that lies
Within this heart. would your heart leap
and say.
Thou hast made IRE this living mold Of
clay"
Or would you kill those fairies in your eyes
And turn away your face in cold surprise?
Would your hand find my own. and In
that way
Teach me What I have told myself to-
day?
Or would you scorn tho weakness Of my
sighs?
l cannot tell, and all my heav'n is this:
That in my dreams I plan the earth anew,
Discover countries, continents and seas.
Seek out fresh raptures. turn all woes to
bliss.
Give all mems aching hearts their
longed-for ease
Just in the hope that this will pleasure you.
&C. Fred Kenyon, In Leisure Hours.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12

You are looking handsome tonight.
Miss FIighty," Tomkins remarked.
so Mr.. Smythe told me a few minutes
ago"
Tomkins Remembering that Smythe IL a
hated rival: We'll. you wouldn't believe
anything that idiot said. would your"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-12

Golfer: "And what II your name?'
Caddie: 'They ca me 'Breeks. but m
maiden name Is Christy."-Punch.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

ton 1t was hoped that after he re-
covered his right senses he would
never be guilty of such an unbecom-
ing and indecent act again. but il
seems that he is attempting t0mend
matters by making them worse. He
has now made Booker his referee and
in all cases in the southern states
where appointments are to be made
the matter is referred 70 the negro.
1t is no wonder that there are lily
white republican organizations in
many of the southern states. but lit
tie wonder that all the republicans
south are not lily white, and it is
very likely that the number will be
increased after the following letter
from the negro to the president is
read:
President Theodore Roosevelt, Wash
ington, D. C.
My Dear Mr.. PRESIDENT send
you the following information
through my secretary, sEmmett ].
Scott, whom you can trust ifhp1icitly:
Judge Bruce, the judge Of the mid
die district of Alabama, died yester-
day. There is going to be very
hard scramble for the place.
II SAW Ex-Governor T. G.. Jones
yesterday, as / promised, and he ii
willing to accept the judgeship OF the
middle district of Alabama. an
more convinced now than ever that ht
is the proper man for the place. Ht
| has until recently BEEN president o.
the Alabama state bar association.
He is a gold democrat, and is clean
pure man in every respect. He stoo(
up in the constitutional convention
and elsewhere for fair election law
opposed lynching, and has been out
spoken for the education of both thu
races. He is head and shoulders abOv
any of the other persons who | thin
will apply TO you for the place.
Il will give you more detailed in
formation regarding other southern
! appointments when I see you, which
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30
PRESIDENT WASHINGTON.

a man who is elected president of
the United States by the people and
fails to fill the office without the die
tations, suggestions or advice of others
should resign. Mr.. Roosevelt has made
himself ridiculous in his public and
private relations with Booker Wash
ington and reflects discredit upon the
country of which he is at the head,
and if he had any decency about him
he would resign.
Some time ago he took Booker
Washington into his confidence, his
home and his arms, for which act he
was frowned upon by the whole ma
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

governor and are perambulating over
every county in the state. Vardaman
has already been over the majority
Of the counties and is now retracing
his steps. By the time the first pri-
mary next August is held there will
not be a precinct in the state that
will not have been visited by these
three distinguished gentlemen.
Even at the risk of their lives they
may dive down into the depths of
Sullivan's Hollow, but in this case
they had better carry along documents
that will convince the moonshiners OF
such communities that they are not
revenue agents or the number of can
didates for governor will be thinned
to stand. Then there are Others
who it is expected will enter the field
soon, though this is not certain. 1t
may be, the three mentioned above
have gotten such start, that another
will not enter the race. II the nom
nation was to be thade by convention
they would know just how to act.
They would make small pretentioDS
in the campaign with big pocket
book in the convention. The day OF
the convention, it is hoped, is over
forever. The people can be fooled
some times, bat all of them cannot be
bought mp all the time.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

Perhaps it is not generally known,
but it is fact nevertheless, that
there is one prominent man in the
state who refuses, absolutely, TO be-
come a candidate for governor. This
man is named Jones and lives in VIII
kinson county He was once lfeuten-
ant. governor, and is not only promis
nent in the county where he lives
bat all over the state. And he is q
man of fine sense, not because he re,
fuses to enter the gubernatorial scram-
BILE, but because he is naturally so
sorter can't help it-and some day he
may be called up higher by the people
who love and honor him.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

The people of Magnolia are said to
be very proud of the appointment of
one of its citizens to the Office of state
treasury. This jubilation may only
be the silver lining that will come
from a dark cloud eminating from
that Office. If we had friend in the
treasurer's Office we wouIdsadvise him
to get out, and not take time to get
his hat, and go to some foreign war
and get into the thiekeset ofthes hat
tie! There he would have somo show
ng for life and liberty.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

The editor of the Lexington Adver-
tiser starts of an editorial in this
wise: From the days when we
were little boy" The editor of the
Advertiser must be an old man, for
there is no such thing now as a little
boy, nor has there been since during
the last generation, or at least since
cigarettes came into use. After the
little boy getson pair of pants he Is
= little man and as soon as he can
smoke he is big man and as soon as
he strikes the penitentiary or the asy-
lum he is 8 dead man in the eyes of
sensible people as we'll as in the eyes
Of the law. Little boys are fast be-
an extinct race.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

The editors of the Jackson Clarion
Ledger and the Vicksburg Herald
should take notice that life is too
short to be quarreling like two old
maids. They should dry ur" and
go to work for the development of
their state and its people. Newspa-
per quarreling is the poorest business
in the world. Besides it is of no
earthly interest except to the parties
engaged in it.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

An Alabam0 and ViOksburg passen-
ger train ran over a negro the other
morning and his remains had to be
Scooped up with a shovel, at least
enough for the coroner to hold an in
quest over them. The question is
how much of the remains of negro
having been run over by lightning
express should be collected to justify
the holding of an inquest.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

Get ready, boys, to subscribe to
that oath Of allegiance. Tou were
born of democrat families, rocked IN
democratic cradles, but it appears
when you ask for Office you must swear
that you are democrat
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

1t appears that Judge Enochs and
Judge Neville have had a mutual IN
derstanding with the object in view
of colonizing all the blind tiger deal
ers. But there are many people not
dealers who would join the colony.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

The Vicksburg Post wants governor
Longino to resign along with Treas
urer Carlisle. The governors office
is not so badly effected with a spell of
hoo-dooism as that of the treasury,
but it must. be admitted that it is liza
BILE to keep an honest man awake
twelve hours every night.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

The executive committee of Hatties--
burg and that of the county is not
one and the same. People would do
well to keep this in mind, and while
doing so they might send mp few
thanks that they are not the same.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

The Laurel Chronicle, like. the
Progress, has installed typesetting
machine and in consequence is getting
ont fine paper.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

Another candidate has entered the
state campaign. His name is Jack
Frost and he is running for president
Of the top-crop Of cotton.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

There is one man in Adam Byrd s
district who is not candidate to sue
coed that gentleman as chancellor.
but he is dead,
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

1t is just as essential 10 have a pure
and honest administration in Hatties-
burg "a it Is To have pure water and
good health.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

Vardaman wants to see the white
child educated-the negro can shoot
craps.
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30
One Cent a Word.

Classified advertisement under this head
at the rate d One Cent - AVord TOR each In
sertion. Nothing will bs tsiEs.fa foI iesss than
twenty-five cents
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

ardarnan, Noel and Gritz are all
ready out In. t6escanpaign field for
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

will be within a few days. Yours
truly,
BOOKER r. WASHINGTON.
X ''P- ST. do, not believe that in
all ths south yot could select. better
man through whom to emphasize your
idea of the character of man to hold
Office than you can do through ex-Gov-
ernor JONES' -
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1902-10-30

EOR SALE-Old DewSpa peFs. good for
wrapping paper. plAsaering up In houses
and for many other good purposes. Will be
SOLD in hundred tot very cheap. Call and
CALIFORNIA yIOLETS-Plants for sale.
O25 cents per 100. Long stems. great
boomers. May be planted for next 50 days.
Address H" this office. oct24 tt
WANTED Position By young man of ex-
w perience as stenographer and assistant
book-keeper. Lumber business preferred.
Reference from former employers. f. L.
care of Daily Progress oct24 2t
DOR REST-A four.room cot tage in heart
IL OF city. Apply at P. o. oct24-2t
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-12-03
Frank Census Returns.

British census returns are more IN
formative than diverting. but the same
ca mot be said Of the Indian. The Pun
lab returns include professional cricK'
eters under the heading Of Clowns
and Tumblers," regarding them appar-
emily in the same light as MIR. kipling'
The Chenab has forty-six male, seven
female and sixty seven dependent
piano tuners, and the inland state OF
Nahan rejoices in the possession OF 200
shipowners. In the schedule also ap-
near 1T receivers Of stolen goods
and 1876 "witches. wizards. COW poison
ora etc" There is frankness about
these returns which Is very engaging
London Express.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-12-03
Expensive virtue.

A southern judge who had fine lot
of hogs one day met a colored man no.
torious FOR stealing and said to him:
~Uncle Jack, I'll tell you what I'll DO
You pick out two Of those hogs you like
best, and I'll give them to you, pr0v1d'
ed you wont steal any Of the others
The negro pondered awhile and final
" said. ledge, you've always bees a
good neighbor, an likes yuh, an
wants to do right by yuh an so accepts
de offer yuh makes, but wants yuh to
know dat I'll lose meat by it.'-Phila'
delphia Telegraph.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-12-03
II you have to pay the same NM
. paper with only one.half tn ds
atioo do you not think you as ~
more tor your money when YOU m
~ In the TMAMbAk,
HERE'S YOUR CHANCE
Is PER CENT DISCOUNT,

Is PER CENT DISCOUNT,
We have 80 styles of strictly all WI
goods from which we will make !,
your measure Suits or OvercOs1 at,
discount Of 10 per cent from tOlns
prices. Notwithstanding this red1
tion the same high standard Of work
manship for which all our garment
are noted will be continued.
f. A HUTCHINSON
Room 3 Eastman Blk. Barre, Y.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-12-03
Character In the Ears.


Though there may be cOunteracttng
features and signs upon the face, ears
that are disproportionately large, fat
and red bespeak coarseness of ma
ture, sometimes sensuality and dissipa-
ton.
Ears that stand out from the head
like flaps are often seen on religious
men. but parsimony Is apt to go with
them.
A long shaped but small ear lying
close to the head denotes refinement
delicacy or perception, but also timidity
and sensitiveness. A thin, transparent
looking ear shows delicacy and poetic
feeling; a thick ear. the reverse. An
ear set rather low on the head denotes
good brain capacity: set high or on q
level with the eye, limited mental ca
pacity is denoted.--American Queen
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-12-03
NOTICE,

To consumers Of milk in Barre
Because OF the high cost Of producing
milk, it is necessary to raise the REAL
price, to which the undersigned Aa''
all agreed.
Commencing Dec |, 100? the pfIs
Of Milk will be six cents per quar- u
II Quarts for one dollar, except Tlsl
one customer takes FIVE or more llaa
each and every day, then the PIN
shall be FIVE cents per quart
Most respectfully yours
Granite City Or aneEy
L. B. Dodge,
Eureka Creamery T'L'ono" SW'
Don V. Camp.
J. H. Kelley
G. Z. & Xby
w. T. Jackson
{. W. Persons,
Morrison Farm,
T. W, Dix,
James W, Henry,
f. D Nichols,
Cassie Farm
+. G.. Persons,
]. W. Nicho4s'