The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-07-21
SPOKEN IN JEST.

Cleveland Plain Dealer: As the auto
mobile turned the sharp curve II flew the
highway. struck the fence and flung the
two passengers into the meadow beyond.
They both sat up at the same moment
and blinked at each other
I'm awfullg glad you're not hurt. ne
I'm awfully glad didn't wear my best
frock," she said
Chicago News: When Coils p. Hunt
ington was married for the second time
Henry Ward Beecher performed the
marriage ceremony Huntingtons nrsL
wife had been dead less than one yea,
and he desired the second marriage 70
be kept secret until his return from Eu-
rope. He gave Mr. Beecher a marriage
fee of $3.50. when Huntington re
through public ceremony. and Beecher
again officiated. lie gave Beecher an
other fee of sl.5oo. The great preacher he
Turning to Huntington he said: .'Coilis,
l do wish you were a Mormon
Chicago News: well known judge on
a Virginia circuit was recently reminded
very forcibiy of his approaching bald
ness by one of his rural acquaintance
''Jedge,~ drawled the farmer, 1t won't
string around yer head 10 tell how Ter up
TO wash yer face"
Brooklyn Eagle: "Of course he said,
lit is more than courteous TO be obiiginS
in all associations with the fair sex
OF course
so far as possible YOU should do what
| a girl wants you TO do
Certainly.
IF she seems anxious to do little
spooning you should spoon"
II She likes flattery. you should fat
In moderation. yes"
If she wants sentiment you should give
it TO her.
''Assuredly''
That's Just common poiiteness. isn't
yes"
Well. no one can tell me again that
politeness pays I know better
| "oh, perhaps my chivairous nature led
me TO overdo the thing, but I've just been
sued for breach Of promise"
George demanded Mrs. Ferguson.
with flashing eyes. according to the Chi
/ cago Tribune, Am the mistress OF TINS
/ house or am I not7''
| You certainly are" replied Mr.. Fer
| guson. with alacrity- What's the mat
/ ter now? %
I've DISCHARGED that inpudent hired
! girl, and she refuses to leave Waht
/ you TO go to the kitchen and bundle her
| out, neck and CROP
Settle IL between yourselves. Laura, I"
! said Mr. Ferguson. weakly. = won't have
/ anything to do with ii. I'm only the
master Of the house
/ O q
Philadelphia Times: DIT. T. Killings
| worth Andrews. former police surgeon, IS
/ credited with telling Of a newly welded
! pair whose honeymoon trip took them
across the Atlantic The bride had been
| something OF a yachtwoman, and was not
| affected by the swell, but her mate was a
| bad sailor, and took TO teh rail late on
| the first day out She took her appetite
| TO the dinner table leaving him pale and
! unhappy on deck When she returned ke
| was still uncertain, with little interest IN
anything except the problem Why did ]
| ever propose a trip by sea- she did what
| she could TO comfort him; but he was dill
ficult- She thought a touch of the TO-
mantle might get him out of his mood, 50
! she tried this:
The moon is up-isn't it. darIing?.'
Yes he said, languidly-''that is, il
1 swallowed it
Brooklyn Life: Down in the Black Belt
Billy Bunch. white headed old darky,
had been appointed bailiff. The magls-
trate proceeded to administer the oatn-
| DO you sOlemnly swear TO support the
constitution of the
| "Hol' on. boss" interrupted old Billy
u can't tex dat oaf cause as how hit 5
all old Billy kin 90 now ter s port Betsy
an de chillun-'
! New York Tribune: The efforts OF
teachers to increase the vocabulary oil
/ young pupils by giving them words 10 us
4 in sentences of their oVn formation re-
suits often in wondrous combinations Ar
Italian boy in Philadelphia. doing his besl
I to master English, was aided in a pc
culiar way by an observation of MS
! fathers vocabulary The other day his
! teacher asked the class to write a SEN
tence to include the word disarrange
I The word is in advance Of the Italian
boys stock OF English, and he was soreis
( puzzled. but too proud TO confess the fact
] Later he handed UP a paper on which th'
I following was written in round, boEisf
/ characters: when a fOoda hghta tnf
fire in the morning. ne saya, 'Damma
I dis-a-range-'