The gold leaf. [volume] (Henderson, N.C.) 1881-1911, 1902-01-30

delivered at the banquet given in
honor Of General Grant, by the Army
OF Tennessee, al the Palmer House,
Chicago, Nov. IA. 1879:
Toast: The Babes-as they comfort
us In our sorrows. let US not forget them
in our festivities
| like that. We haven't had the
good fortune 10 be ladies'; we haven't
all been generals, or poets, or states
men; but when the toast works down
to the babies, We stand on common
ground, for all of us have been babies.
1t is . that for = thousand year s
the worlds Oanquets have utterly
ignored-the baby-as if he didn't
amount to something! If you, gen
tlsmen, will stop and think a minute
if you will go back fifty or a hun
dred years, to your early married life.
and recontemplats your first baby,
you will remember that he amounted
to a good deal and even something
over. You soldiers all know that
when that little fellow arrived at the
family headquarters you had to hand
in voul resignation. He took entire
command. You became his iackey,
hi. mere body servant; you had to
stand around, too. He was not a
time, distance, weather, or anything
else. You had u execute his order,
whether it was possible or not. And
there was only one form of marching
in his manual of tactics, and that was
the doubls-quick. He treated you
with every sort of insolence and dis
respect, and the bravest of you didn' t
dare to say word. You could face
the death-storm of Donelson and
Nicksburg, and give back blow for
blow; but when he clawed your
whiskers, and pulled your hair. and
twisted your nose, you had to take it.
When the thuDders of war were sound
ing in your ears, you set your faces
towards the batteries and advanced
with steady tread; but when he turn
ed on the terrors of his war whoop,
and mighty glad of the chance, too.
When he called for soothing syrup,
did YOU venture to throw out any side
remarks about certain services unbe-
coming an officer and a gentleman?
No; you got up and got it. If he
ordered his bottle, and it wasn't
warm. did you talk back? Not YOU
YOU went to work and warmed it..
You even descended 50 far in your
menial office as to take a suck at that
warm, insipid stuff yourself, to see
that it was right-three parts water
to one Of milk, touch of sugar to
modify the collie, a drop Of pepper
mint to stop those inevtables-hic-
coughs. | can taste that stuff vet
And how many things you learned as
you went along! Sentimental young
folks still take stock in that beautiful
old saying, that when the baby
smiles in his sleep, it is because the
angels are whispering to him" Very
pretty, but "too thin''-simply wind
on the stomach, my friends! If the
baby proposed to take walk at his
usual hour, 2:3O in the morning,
didn't you rise up promptly and re-
mark-with a mental addition which
wouldn't improve Sunday-school
book much. that was the only thing
YOU were about to propose yourself!
Oh, you were under good discipline
And as you went tiuttering up and
down the room in your ''undress uni
form" you not only prattled undigni-
fed baby-talk, but you even tuned up
your martial voices and tried to sing,
"Rockabye baby in the tree top" for
instance. What spectacle for an
Army Of the TENNESSEE! And what
an atfliction for the neighhors, too
for it isn't everybody within a mile
around that likes military music at
three in the morning. And when you
have been keeping this sort of a thing
up two or three hours, and your little
velvet head iutimated that nothing
suited him like exercise and noise,
'.go on.n what did you do? You sim
ply Uent on, till you disappeared in
the last ditch. The idea that baby
| doesn't amount to anything' Why,
one baby is just a house and a front
ward full bv itself. One baby can
| furnish more business than you and
| your whole Interior Department can
attend to. He is enterprising, ire
| pressible. brim full Of lawless activ-
ity Do what you please. you can't
make him stay on the reservation.
Sufficient unto the day is one baby
as long as you are in your right MIND
don't YOU ever pray for twins. Yes
it was high time for the toast-makel
to recognize the Importance OF the
babies. Think what is in store fol
the present crop. Fifty years hence
we shall all be dead, trust. and ther
this flag. if it shall survive Qet u:
hope it may), will be tic ating over s
republic numbering 200, 900. 600 souls
according to the settled laws of ou1
increase; our present schooner o
State will have grown into politica
leviathan-a Great Eastern-and th'
cradled babies of today will be or
deck. Let them be we'll trained, FOL
we are going to leave big CONTRACT
on their hands. Among the three o.
four million cradles now rocking IL
the land are some which the natior
would preserve for ages as sacred
things, if they could know which one:
they are. In one of these cradles th'
unconscious Farragut OF the future i
at this moment teething-think OF it
and frstting in a world of dead earn
est, inarticulatsd, but perfectly justi
fable profanity over it, too: in anothe
the future great historian is lying
and, doubtless, he will continue to lii
until his earthly mission is ended; IL
another, the future President is busy
ing himself with no profoundsr prob
lem of state than what the mischie
/ - hoi ar1v nd