davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
How He Knew.

She-That couple in front OF us
do you think they are married?
He-Yes, am sure they are. They
have been married long time. too.
She-Why, how do you know?
He-Have you noticed that when
a pretty girl comes on the stage she
always hands the opera glasses over
to him?
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
The PerxersitY of Man.

Tess-She has finally convinced her
husband that golf playing is sinful, es-
pecially on Sundays.
Jess-Why, didn't know he ever
cared for the game.
Tess-He didn't. That's the only
way she could get him to play with
her.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
Thu Latest Eootnear.

Colonial ties seems to have come
to stay. Those in patent leather set
off with a buckle of dull gilt are pref.
ty; and for warm weather wear these
ties are also seen in russets and tans.
The buckles in these, usually of bright
silver. are also popular for this mod
ish footgear.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

Hsms Visitors Exosrsions via the Mis-
souri, Pacific Railway
To points in Ohio and Indiana. One
fare for the round trip plus S2.Oo.
Tickets on sale September end, 9th,
10th, and 2ard, good to return within
30 days from date of sale. Excellent
opportunity to visit the old folks at
home. Call on or address nearest Mis-
souri, Pacific Agent for particulars.
II G. Townsend, G.P. & T.Agt. st. Louis.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
Conscientious.

"You told our summer boarders
that we never skim any of our milk"
said Farmer Corntossel's wife in a
tone of gentle reproof.
81 told 'em the TRUTH" answered
Farmer Corntossel. I'VE buy 1t al
ready skinned from the dairyman.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
Time to Quit.

EYES," sara the absent-minded man,
81 have quit doing my own shaving.
1t really is dangerous"
"Nervous?" asked the barber.
ooh, no. But yesterday l tried to
lather my face with the razor"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

Burroughs-I should think you'd be
able to furnish more comfortable
quarters for yourself than these.
Markley-I would II had only not
furnished so many comfortable halves
and dollars for my friends.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
Didn't Press the Question.

Female lawyer--Ilow old are your
Female witness--You know as we'll
as | do that I'm just a wsek younger
than you are, but II necessary
Female lawyer (hastily)-Never
mind; it isn't necessary.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

Mr.. Henry A. Salzer, the well known
La Crosse, Wis, scotsman, accompanied
by his family left for Europe last week
and will return in November. During
his absence Mr.. Salzer will look up
some new seed novelties in Russia
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
For the Benefit of Cupid.

Celia-"O, we had delightful time
at Ophelias announcement party"
Delia-"What did you do?"
Celia-"She had us submit sealed
guesses as to the man she is en-
gagged to; the girl who guessed right
is to be maid of honor"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

Dealers say that as soon as a GUS
toner tries Defiance Starch it is i'm
possible to sell them any other cold
water starch. 1t can be used cold or
boiled.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
Prominence.

Hes becoming quite prominent
citizen, isn't he?"
well, / should say! Why. he can
get his picture in the papers without
having to be cured Of something"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
Looks That WAY,

"Why is it," said the self conscious
young man who Is to De married,
"that all the world loves a lover?"
Perhaps" answered the coarse
and cynical person, lit Is because pity
is akin to love-"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

FITS Perms Cured. hts or nervousness afosa
6rst days use Of DIR. Kine'a Great Nerve Restorer
Send for FREE $500 trial bottle and treatise
DR. R. H. KLINE Ltd. 93i Arch st., PHILADELPHIA "a
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
orIv rhose Who Knew Him.

Miss Maison: Excuse my ignor-
ance, but ought I to call you Mr..
Bones or DR.. Bones?"
The Doctor Grascibl"}: "Oh, call
me an old idiot"
Miss Maison: "Ah! but those are
only people who know you intim-
atelv."
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
THE HUMOR OF LIFE
CHOICEST JEsTs AND JINGLEs OF
THE WEEK.

Accepted sultor to Earn q Name for
His Wife-Boy Kept His Eye on the
Horse, az lnstructed-Ths lneffi'
eaey Of Words.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
Kent II Moving.

did any one ever read your writ.
ings?" asked the artist.
Certainly" responded the hsughty
poet. EVERY editor In the country
has read them"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

EYES," said the beautiful girl, 81 will
marry you. but first you must make a
name for yourself"
For MYSELF" muses. the sutton.
Rather should you say a name for
you."
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
MRS. J. E. o'DONNELL
Was Sick Eight Years with
Female Trouble and Finally
Cured by Lydia E. Pinkham'S
Vegetable Compound.

"DEAR Mrs. PINKHAM =! have
never in my life given testimonial
before, but you have done so much for
me that l feel called upon to give you
this unsolicited acknowledgement OF
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

No need to fear sudden attacks Of cholera
infantum, dysentery, diarrh9a,. summer
complaint Of any sort Il you have Dr
Fvwler's Extract of Wild Strawberry In
the medicine chest.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
Helpful.

"Here's 'Housekeeper' bothering me
again." said the correspondence edi-
tor. "She wants to know how to keep
jars Of preserves from getting moldy
on the top"
"That's easy" replied the snake ed
itor "Tell her to turn them upside
down."
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

Piso's Cure for Consumption is an infallible
medicine for coughs and colds.-N W. SAMUEL.
Ocean Grove. N. j.. Feb. II. 100
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
SENSIBLE HousEKEEPERs

will have Defiance Starch, not alone
because they get One-third more for
the same money, but also because Of
superior quality.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

Every woman knows she's a CO
quette, but she doesn't think Others
suspect it.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
He Had Been In Paris, Too.

81 see that Chauncey Depew isn't
feeling we'll and is homesick and has
the blues"
Where is he?"
"In Paris"
"Oh, that's just the way I felt the
next morning"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

The trouble with the budding genius
is that he is usually nipped In the
bud.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
An Exception.
furious man. that Blink"

"Curious man, that Blink"
"What has he been doing?"
Nothing. 1t is what he refrains
from doing that makes him remark
able. He's just purchased residence
out of town and never says a word
about being obliged to sleep under
blankets.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

Vulgarity is doing before people
what you always do when nobody Is
around.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

Diphtheria, sore throat Group Instant
relief, permanent cure. Or. Thomas Elec-
trio OIL. At any drug store.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

About the time a bachelor finds
he can live alone very comfortably
he discovers some woman who cam.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

This is hard world. Its final gift
10 a man is a marble shaft.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

A hobby is an idea that goes around
with a crank.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

If women had their way no man
would have his.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

What a monotonous old world this
would be were it not for the delusions
therein!
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

There is no doubt that mosquitoes,
however fastidious their taste, lack
modesty.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

A woman's idea of really being
loved is to have her tell you so diff
ferent way every time.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

Sickness is the interest we pay or
life's mortgage.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

Everyone is crazy to attract atten.
ton. You are; you needn't deny 1t.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

Too many cooks in one month spoil
the broth.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
1aiIor.Made Gown Of cheviot.

What is more fetching than a wo-
man of perfect figure and distin-
rushed bearing clad In a severely
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

It takes fast young man to beat
his landlady.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
Kansas Land

Price $40 to $50 per acre. Address D.
Ritter, Yates Center, kas.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

various kinds. We illustrate fpeck
with the fullness at the sides and
back arranged in side pleats, forming
panel effect in front, and a box
pleat at the back. The lower portion
fullness at the hips and back, pro-
duced in various ways, whether by
shirrings, shirred tucks, or pleats Of
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

ALL UP-TO-DATE HOUsEKEEPERs
Use Red Cross Ball Blue 1t makes clothes
clean and sweet as when new. AL grocers
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

Stops the Cough and
Works OF the Cold
Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. Price 25c
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

plain tailor-made gown? The very fact
that these gowns are more rarely seen
than formerly gives them greater
distinction of appearance. AS they de-
pend entirely upon cut, material and
finish for effect, everything for such
a gown must be carefully chosen and
of the best quality. The suit illus
trated was of cheviot of very light
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
His Warm Greeting.

81 saw that handsome Mr. Styles we
met at the ball, in his motor car, to-
dQyo
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

TYPEWRITERS M Make SELL ol style AN at
less than half price-Our Leader
THE MODEL A MANHATTAN $50.
F.S. Webster Co.. Boston Bid. Kansas City.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05

WHEN YOU BUY STARCH
buy Defiance and get the best. is Oh for
10 cents. Once used, always used.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-09-05
"Did he speak to you?"

Eyes, he shouted to ME to look out
az | was crossing the street."
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15

ter against the Aquilas for having made their peace with the ''usurpers. as the present occupants of the Italian throne are styled in leGitimist circles.
 The present Count de AQuila and the plaintiff in this case is, however. indif- ferent to their opinion, and does not hesitate to express his conviction that there is not the slightest possibility of Bourbon restoration in Italy or in France. As he expresses it, ''the Or leans princes are idiots and France will always be republican. It is good enough so for me, and he does not be- lieve that there is any chance of q legitimist restoration, either in Spain or in Portugal. In fact, he is a sensible little man and very broad minded, q circumstance which he attributes to the fact that he had been to a great extent brought up under a republican regime.
 
 Lord Durham's motion to abolish thar [ rule of the Jockey club in England which permits assumed names to be registered by an owner in return for a payment of $50 was defeated by so narrow a majority at the last annual meeting of the Jockey club. namely. one vote, that it may De regarded as certain to pass when next it comes up, the more so as Lord Durham has now once more become one of the three stewards of the club; that is to say, one of that triumvirate which constitutes the su- preme tribunal of the British turf.
 There are over fifty race horse owners racing under assumed names, some of them doing so, according to Lord Dur ham, with the object of deceiving either their creditors, their employers or their relatives. Indeed, as Lord Durham says, the plan encourages dishonesty. and he added that "an assumed name on the turf was useful in the main to people whose character was so bad that they could not race in their own names"
 Naturally, the remarks of Lord Dur ham, who has always been noted for his plain speech and for his aggressive ness. have given rise to much commo- tion and to strong protests on the parI of those owners who have been in the habit of running under assumed names. Among them have been Mrs. Langtry. who runs her horses as MT. Jersey Lady Meux is MT. Theobalds," Prince | Dhuleep Singh's turf name is MT. Five Rivers MT. Manton" was the racing name of the late Duchess of Montrose while among others who have run horses under assumed names have been Charles Rose, formerly the racing part
 ner of King Edward; the late Baron Lionel RothSchild. the late Lord Fal- mouth. the late Lord Harawood and many others.
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15

| much he thought it worth. It is said
 10 be valued at at least s50OOO. The volume is 12x9 inches and more than four inches thick. The covers,
 much more modern than the body of | the book, are of solid calfskin and very heavy.
 The parchment is well preserved, the letters very legible The. titles of each book of the old testament are printed | in ancient Illuminated text, evidently hand work of the most artistic sort. But it was the covers of the book that caught the eyes of the inspector
 Both of these covers were covered with l precious stones. Many of them were | diamonds of the purest water, appar- 1 ently. Others were rubieS and emeralds. Others. brilliant gems, were strange to the inspector. The settings were as artistic as the jewels were rare | The more he looked at it the more the
 insepctor decided that this was matte.'
 for expert decision. He called an ap-
 praiser, the latter looked the book over,
 examined the gem studded cover and shook his head.
 When Deputy Inspector Williams was | notified he decided, after a cursory
 examination, to hold the book for eX- l pert appraiSement. He explained to Mr. | Morgan that it would be impossible to fix a value on the book offhand satis- factory alike to him and to the govern ment. The book, the deputy collector said, would be sent under guard to the appraiers' stores. It was not seized, | simply detained for valuation. MT. Morgan offered no objection and the book was detained. MT. Morgan said he had been abroad a month. He admitted that he met his uncle, J. Pier pOn Morgan, in England. but said they did not talk business. J. s. Morgan is a Greek scholar. and he presented t0 Princeton university q marvellous col lection of Greek books. His uncle, J. Pierpont Morgan. relies implicitly on his judgment concerning books. It is believed the ancient bible is intended for J. PierpOnt MOrgan's library.-New York Journal.
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15
CARDINAL GIBBONS MISTAKE.

A well-known Baltimore family that has given the church of Rome bishop and a priest is responsible for the fol- lowing story of his eminence, Cardinal Gibbons. It happened soon after the cardinal had been made coadjutor. with the right of succession, to Bishop Bay ley of Baltimore.
 As the older generation will remem- Der, at that time (twenty-fiVe years ago) the fancy china cuspidor was just coming in as an ornamental as well as useful adjunct to libraries and sitting and smoking rooms. Those recalling the ancient receptacles filled with ashes
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15
News and Gossip
 of Other Lands

Prince Bernhard of SaXe-M Meiningen, commander of the Sixth corps of the German army and brother-in-law Of the kaiser, has just issued with the approval of the latter, a general order bearing on the subject of drink, which, in view of the eminence of Germany in military matters. is likely to commend itself to those who have been interest ing themselves about the army canteen question.
 The prince, though being a temperate man, who is very far from being a tee totaler, absolutely forbids the use of any kind of alcoholic drinks, either ir the shape of spirits, wines or beer, when the troops are on the march or are engaged in military maneuvers. No alcoholic drinks are therefore allowed to be carried either by officers or by men in their flasks. to be sold to the officers and men by the travelling can teen.
 The sale and consumption of alco- holic drink is, however. allowed to the canteens under certain restrictions when the troops are in biVouac or gar rison. Thus, in winter the canteenS are prohibited from selling alcoholic orlnkS rom o'clock at night till noon on the following day, and in summer from 10 o'clock at night until noon the following day, and the canteens are only allowed to sell by glass and not by bottle.
 Three years ago Gen. Count HeaselSr, who commands the German forces in Alsace and Lorraine, issued a general order absolutely forbidding the sale of any kind of stimulants by army can teens, either by glass or otherwise. Ex- perience showed that this merely had the effect of driving the men to get their StimulantS from dram shops out side, where it was impossible to control
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15

and sawdust will readily understand what an innovation the china cuspidor really was.
 It at once became popular as a gift. in which capacity one found it's way to the cardinals Ghen bishop library. His eminence has always been busy man. too busy to keep pace with the minor details Of life, such as cuspidOrs, so when he received a handsome one in blue china it's purpose never occurred to him.
 It appealed to the artistic sense how ever, and he deposited it on the mantel, where it was discovered not long after by visiting father the one who told the story. Employing the amount of
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15
BRITISH WONDER AT AMERICA

W. Abraham. M. P. (''Mabon'O, in a further speech on his American eXperi
 ences, says that on rubbish heaps of the United States there are thousands of tons of machinery that in England and Wales would have been used for ten or even twenty years longer. In Chicago, in one large steel works, the men, after being paid on Saturdays, stepped into their gigs, which were there by the score, and drove home. Could they imagine Rhondda colliers driving home in their working clothes in their own gigs on pay days ?-London Daily Mail.
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15

Get the best. Get expert medical treatment. KIDNEY, URINARY, BLADDER, PRIVATE and SEXUAL diseases, SEMINAL WEAKNESS with exhausted vitality, quickly and permanently cured. Have you any chronic disease? If so stop ex- perimen ling and treating with doctors who do not understand your case. Many man al- though able to be about is unfit for pleasu re and business by efaD T Cancer and Ex ternal Growths removed without the knife. Testimonials at office. The Doctor makes a speciality of Chronic Diseases and Abnormal GrOwths. Dr. Hibbard's success is due to long experi- fence and exceptional ability in treating complicated and intricate diseases. Place your case in his hands and be dealt with hon estly and scientifically. Remember he de votes his entire time and study to chronic disorders. Ifpossible ALWAYS BE EXAMINED BY AN ExPERT If unable to call, write freely and confidentialjy. References All IHE BANKS And prominent business men of the city. CONSULTATION by person or letter FREE. Hours 10-2-1-3-5-7- Office and la boratory, 26-27 South Second Avenue, fiBDARD BUILDING, PHOENIX, ARIZONA.
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15

thority gives importance to the state
 ment, and will, doubtless, hasten the consummation he predicts. The eX- haustion of our anthracite coal fields is already in sight; that of the oil fields may come even sooner; but while rivers shall run and tides shall rise, we shall be able to produce by electricity all the light, heat and power that may be re-
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15
SHE THOUGHT so.

What are those. mamma? ?" asked the little girl as they stopped before q stall in the market.
 ''Horseradishes. my dear" responded the stately woman with the basket.
 "Ohi And are the little ones colt radishes, mamma ?''-Chicago Daily News.
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15
THE WASTE OF NIAGARA.

Lord Kelvin is not the first to point out the immense energy going to waste at Niagara Falls, nor to predict that in the near future the falls themselves will disappear, ai, the water being drawn off to supply power to electric machinery, but the weight of his au-
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15

tact he deemed necessary to the case. the father asked his eminence why he kept his cuspidor on the mantel. The cardinal was both surprised and amused at the mistake.
 T did not know it was cuspidor.' he said Tt was so nice that I con- cluded it must be an ornament.'-Chi- cago Inter Ocean.
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15

quired. no matter how great the de- mand of the industrial future. We are as yet only on the threshold of the electric era. and can see but a little way into it.-Philadelphia Ledger.
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15
HELD BY CUSTOMS OFFICERS.
Morgan's $5O,OOO Bible Is Ablaze Witt
 Gems

It is not every day that a bible 1,2O0 years old is presented to a prosaic twentieth century customs inspector fer valuation, and when this bible is written in an ancient tongue. on parchment. and bound in heavy covers, set with precious stones. the matter becomes complex indeed.
 This is exactly the problem that an inspector puzzled over on the White Star pier on the arrival of the Oceanic. The bible in question was the property of J. s. Morgan, a nephew of J. Pier pont Morgan, passenger from Liver pool.
 J. s. Morgan explained that he had purchased the bible in England. It was written, he understood, in the eighth century by Italian monks in q monastery near Rome. There ended his information. He declined to talk fur ther. He would not even say just how
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15
Nothing Succeeds Like Success!
Sure, Safe and Speedy Cure of Ner- vous Sexual and Blood Diseases.
DR. HiBBARD

is q graduate of Har- yard Medical College and former Unite e d States Pension Exami- ner. His qualifications are ability, experience, and reliability. Among his patrons are some Of the most prominent citizens of Arizona. If sick shun patent medi- cines, electric belts, free trial packages and nnCBil1n1 nb-cfaianc
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15

Commencement days will soon be here, and the young doctors will be starting on their pill-grimage of life.
Arizona republican., 1902-05-15
A GILDED RULE.

You know you should love your neighbors as yourself
 But the trouble is when I try to do that I always end by hating myself.'- Brooklyn Life.