Durango semi-weekly herald., 1902-06-30
GETTING
RID OF
A WIFE

| uiEhllN VI an W. 'iiihAi iiiphlhl tN-
peril and am besieged with questions
upon this most important subject OF
the twentieth century. The first shall
answer comes from y gentleman who
has endured long and patiently the
matrimonial woke. but now desires n
recipe for getting rid of wife" A
simple and old-fashioned but most ef-
fcacious one follows
First of oil. remain oblivious Of the
eact that when vou married her she
became an equal partner IN vour bus
mess that whatever earning capacity
she NAV have had Won have absorbed.
FORGET that Ms vour housekeeper. as
mother and nurse. she earns more
than Won do and moro than vou could
evor compensate her for with money,
Forgot TO provide her the
wherewith TO purchase the noces-
stiles for respectable personal ap-
rearnnce so that the wives OF more
thouphtful mon viii say within her
hearing: Poor thing doesn't she get
| herself M funnv!"
| Make her ask you for money to sup
| plv her simplest needs Look at her
IN astonishment as II to saw "Bv what
| ripht?" and when Won Grant her re
ruest make her feer like an unworthy
persioner
Don't forget to ask her what she
wants the money for,
| Give her no report Of YOUR own ex-
renditures. and tell her in an injured
wav. everv time YOU give her money.
that she gets all vou make. She won't
believe Won. but in order to get rid of
her Won must accomplish certain ends.
Forget not to praise other women
| in manner that causes your wife to
feel like thirty cents. ministerial au-
thoritv warrants the use of that slang
phraseN
Some proptious day when your wife
has washed and ironed scrubbed and
| baked and cared for a sick child and
| four healthy ones and roasted herself
over the cook stove preparing the del
icacies of which yop- are most fond.
has the house in perfect order. the
children clean: and presents herself
at the door in her most comely dress
with a heart yearning for an old-time
| MISC VI Si'Vtihb anu n "pth VI ~
| forget to greet her, but bluster past
her. and when sometime later you do
become conscious of her presence
ask her in deprecating voice why
she looks so tired.
When she enumerates the tasks she
has performed in cheerful. pleasant
tone. simply to explain why she isn't
rs brilliant as on her wedding day
reply in fierce tones that now she is
| complaining about her home duties
that she does less than any woman of
YOUR acquaintance. while you are fall
| ing under the yoke of her Incidence
| and extravaganza. Look about you and
observe the house In perfect order
| and tell her you don't see for the life
of you what she does all day to make
her tired
When she tries to interrupt you and
/ explain that she wasn't complaining
but only answering your question, and
that 1t is her greatest happiness to
serve you. don't let her get any fur
| ther than to part her lips and close
| them again in helpless attempt; but
| continue this TRADE during the entire
| dinner hour. This will destroy her
appetite, and when she tries to con
| ceal this fact by pleasantly slipping a
| cup of tea and in endeavoring to
change the subject, glare at her, and
ask, why she doesn't eat, and when
| she answers cheerfully that she is not
! hungry, drop your knife and fork saw
| agely and leave the table. This will
not improve her appetite. The effect
! will be magical so far as the progress
| of this remedy is concerned.
I In about an hour you should re
| turn, and If she is attending youI
| shrieking, inconsolable infant, who is
| suffering more from an ill-inheritance
| than anything else, ask her to come
out and take walk She will de
cline for reasons most obvious to you
and here you will score another i'm
| portant point:
Tell her you don't know what Is the
[ use of having wife anyway, that you
| don't believe she cares anything more
FOR you that the only reason she lives
| with you is on account of the children
and because she has such an uncon
tquerable aversion for work. This las
shaft will go like poisoned arrow ant
| do it's work well. Start off with YOU
head on one side whistling "There1
BE Hot Time" At about 3 o'clocl
in the morning come home drunk, anc
tell your wife how much you love
her. and when she tells you that she
doesn't believe you or you would no
drink. tell her you only resort to th'
soothing influence Of the intoxicatin.
bowl because she treats you SO cruelty
because she will not forget that yo'
drank before marriage Nor you
promise to desist after you should wiz
herr This will destroy her faith II
your ability to tell the truth and ad
vance matters materially.
Never invite your wife to places o
amsement as you did when you were
sweethearts. but tell her that yoi
WILL LET HER GO at any time sh'
wishes and WILL GIVE HER THT
jMONEY.
Don't let her get away from thu