West Virginia daily oil review. [volume] (Sistersville, W. Va.) 1894-1902, 1902-05-24

The CLASP Willie
BY Eva Wright.
Mr.. President and Friends:
Nineteen Hundred and Two sa-
lutes you!
Contrary to the custom In such
cases and loaihe as are all members
of my conservative profession to
establish precedence, only at the
behest OF my noble client, nineteen
hundred and two, have | called
you together, before her death, to
hear her will and to receive her
gifts.
was persuaded to this action
by the unusual circumstances of
my client.
I dread to tel! you, but be calm;
the doctor is here ready to revive
all fainting ones, but he cannot at
terd too many.
Here Is my secret, keep 1t well!
A consultation of doctors was
held on Friday, May the 10Th. doc.
tors were never known to fail In
their representations.
They have announced that on
Friday. May goth, nineteen hun.
dred and two, must die.
Had / known what commotion
you would raise and how badly you
would feel. the president himself
could not have dragged the secret
from me.
My client wishes me to state that
owing to certain lightness In the
head, caused by Its gradual swelling
in the past three years and heavi-
ness In the heart and other organs,
caused by thoughts of parting, and
over feasting, respectively, she may
have been mistaken In her inven-
tory, but such as she thinks she has
she gives to you, praying that you
will not believe that 1t Is not only
because she cannot keep her goods
that she Is generous.
THE WILL.
We, the class of 1902, being
about to leave this sphere, IL full
possession of sound mind, mem
DRY and understanding, do make
and publish this, our last will and
testament, hereby revoking and
making void all former wills, by
US at any time, heretofore made.
And First we do direct that our
funeral services shall be conducted
in the Auditorium theater, by our
friends and we'll wishers, the Fac.
ulty, only enjoining that the funer
al be carried on with all the pomp
aud dignity our situation In the
High School Seat has merited, as
to such state as 1t has pleased
fate's ard our own strong arms to
give US, we do dispose of the same
as follows, VIZ:
To our dearly beloved sister, the
class of 1903, we bequeath, that
which they have SO ardently covet-
ed, during the past term - the
seats by the windows, hoping they
may appreciate the gift and the sun
and dust which accompany II.
To them also we bequeath our
dignity and correct behavior, as
well as our shining example In the
way of prompt and regular attend
ance, and freedom from all frivolity.
This. we fear. will be a severe
strain on the nerves and muscles Of
the gay and giddy juniors, but we
hope they will rise to the occasion,
as they sometimes can.
3rd. To the class of 1924 we will
our advice to follow In the
footsteps of three as they have In
ours, and some day they will at
tain to our wisdom.
All. To the High School as a
body we give the picture Of the I'm
mortal SHAKESPEARE the guardian
genius of our class, to whose In
Auence we owe the remarkable
dramatic talent which we hereby
bequeath to succeeding classes.
TO the faculty we will rest In
quietness, after the excitement Of
commencement week; also our old
examination papers, tardy marks
and excuses.
To the mouse, who lives Ia the
recitation room, we bequeath the
remains Of our chewing gum and
candy, as we'll as the small bottle Of
sugar coated pills on the desk of
one of our number.
To all succeeding classes, we will
and bequeath the new apparatus In
the laboratory hoping 1t may make
the tholny path of knowledge a