The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1902-09-26

"What! againP'-Judge.
The Trust Principle.-lt is easier to
rob a million of men Of a dollar eacr
than to rob one man Of a million
Life.
Mrs. Jones-"I always think twice
before l speak once, sir!" Mr.. Jones
(sighing)-"Exactly, Maria-but you're
such quick thinkerP'-Puck.
Mistress Ito newly-engaged cook)--
"And now, what shall we call your
Cook-"Well, mum, me name Is Ber-
tina, out me friends all calls me Birdie
Swapping condolences: May-"l hear
Belle had a great talk with Harry out
on the beach," Clara-"I should say
she did. Why, even her tongue is sun
burned."-Ex.
slIaste necessary: Assistant Qn men,
agerle) "Sir, it rains" Keeper
Good heavens! Don't waste a min
ute, but take in that zebra. His color
runs "-Tid-Bits.
If the people who can't write had
the brains of those who can, and those
who can had the skill Of those who
can't, what glorious literature we
would soon have.-Ex.
Mrs. Hiram Ofren-'What made you
leave your last placer" The Cook Lady
"'Tis lnsultin ye are, ma'am. Nothin'
could ever make me Fave, ma'am. OF
90 whln OF PLACES. philadelphia
Press.
Lieutenant-"Don you know enough
to salute your superior officer" New
Sentry-'I did, sir" Lieutenant-"l
failed to see you" Sentry-'I said,
Hello, therev but | guess you didn't
hear me-"
Kitty-"D'ye rally love me, Dlnny!
Denny-"Do OF love ye? Faith, Kit
ty, Ord do anything to live wild ye
the rist av me loife, aven II Oh knowed
twould kill me this minute. e."-Phila-
delphia Press.
Mrs. Benham-"Its hard on the peo-
pie of Greenland to have nights six
months long" Benham-"Yes, Just
think of the sufferings Of the poor man
whose wife's mother drops in to spend
the evening. ."-Bazar.
Casey-"Did ye go ovter t. see Kel'
ly lasht noght?" Costigan-"Oi did
not. Afther Old walked two-thirds av
tn way OF was too tired t. go a shtep
further, so Oh turned round an walked
back home again. Judge.
Brother, don't you know if you
swear at those mules you won't get to
Paradise?" Yes, pawson; but If |
don't swear at them won't get to the
end of the row, and that's the impor.
tant thing at present. philadelphia
Record.
"Yes, count, in all the park there Is
no place | like so well as under this
old, old tree (Sighing sentimentally0
There are tender associations, you
see." AHA! | comprehend, nam selle.
You have yourself planted the tree"
Punch.
His choice jury: Lawyer Brief-"I
see that case of yours is on Jury
drawn yetT' Lawyer Skinner-"Yes,
and It's a splendid one" Lawyer
Brief-"Above the average in intelli'
gence. eh?" Lawyer Skinner-"No;
way below it."-Philadelphla Press.
Mrs. Doolan-"Only think, Mrs, Gro
J gan, that great Pianipounder has prac'
J ticed so har-rd at the pianny for the
lasht six months that he has paraloysed
: two fingers" Mrs. Grogan-"BegOrrah
that's nothing, Mrs. Doolan. Me daugh
| ter. Mary Ann, has practiced so hard
: for the lasht six months that she's par
! aloyzed two piannies."
Excited Fisherman Ito country hote
keeper)-"There isn't bit Of fishing
about here! Every brook has slgr
warning people off. What do you NEAR
by Turing anglers here with the prom
ise of fine fishlng?' Hotel Keeper
didn't say anything about fine fishing
If you read my advertisement careful
ly. YOU will see that what | said wa!
Fishing unapproachable.'
, Archibald, dear" his wife said
arousing him 'Tn the dead of night,
81 wish you would walk baby littl'
while. He's going to wake up "Hov
: can do that, Lucinda?' expostu'atet
+ the sleepy husband, You know rv
r got the ping-pong ankle" "Then pu
r him in his cradle and rock him while,
' 81 can't do that, either. I've got tn
) golf shoulder. Boston Courier.
2 The blood of the soldier: Il suppose
s colonel" said the beautiful gras
= widow. "that there often are moment
$ when you wish you were again on th
: battlefield, thrilled by the roar an
fred by the excitement of war" "Yes,
he answered, looking around eagerl
for an avenue Of escape, and seein
none, "even now the old feeling come
: back TO me."-Chlcago Record Herald
q An appreciation: A man went wit
his wife to visit her physician. Th
doctor placed thermometer in tn
. woman's mouth. After two or thre
= minutes, Just as the physician wa
! about to remove the Instrument, th
man. who was not used to such PR
;. longed spell of brilliant silence on ii
: part of his llfe's partner said: do
: : tor, what will you take for that thing
: Tit Bits.
Floor-walking: Head ioor-walk'
a (severelyl-"I heafd you tell the lad
. she would find the ribbons at the thil
~ counter to the left" New floor wal
= er-"Thats where they are" Hes
!, floor-walker-"Yes; but you shou
= have told her to go to the right pa
:, the necktie bargain-cOunter, turn TO Il
q left past the stocking bargain-countC
> then three counters to the right pa
4. the shirt-waist margain counter. an
so on. You'll never make a h5C
i walker"-Judge.
c A Peculiar Name.