The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-11-15
HUMOROUS
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A little angel: Mother-"Willie. 7
hope you never do anything so wicked
as to tie tin cans to logs tlilsn
Willie-"No'm. / never 10 nothin,
but hold the Detroit Free
Press.
What is the difference between a
monclogue and dialogue, pa" "a
monologue, my son, is a mans wifa
talking TO him, and dialogue is his
wife and her mother talking 10 hiufss
Town Topics.
She Ito returned warrior, enthusi-
astically)-"And l suppose you almost
lived on horseback out there?" He
well, yes, toward the end of Laiv-
smith we did. 1t makes rather decent
soup."-Punch.
Modern science: Weary Willie
please, mum, can't you give a poor
man some breakfast" Mrs. Giveni;t
Certainly. After you saw that
wood you may eat the sawdust. 1t
makes fine breakfast food."-Ex.
Lets go have a drink, Smithers."
mo. I've sworn off this week for
test" "Why, what are you testing?"
Myself. AS long as | find 1 can stop,
I won't stop; but as soon as l find I
can't stop. will stop."-Town Topics.
Parson Jobson-"Ah wants ter speak
ter yo', deacon, erbout de habit yo' has
30 Gle H. ah,,ta t.
me. Deacon Jackson-"Oh, doan LET
nah pocket-bOok at home, yo' know"
Judge.
Richard-"Hello, Bob, got back from
your vacation? Had good time thNs
summer" Robert should say -
have suppose you haven't heard
found a nice little wife up in the
mountains" Richard-"Did you find
out who lost er."-Boston Transcript.
Pound of flesh: Financier (tenant
of our forest after a weeks unsuccess-
full stalking)-"Now, look here, my
man. bought and paid for ten stays.
If the brutes can't be shot, you'll have
to trap therl! I've promised the ven-
ison. and mean to have it.''-Punch-
The librarians humor: What" we
ask of the librarian, do you suppose
is the greatest library book in the
world-the book that is in the most
demand?" "Carnegie's handbook" he
responds confidently, without looking
up from his work.-Baltimore Amer
lean.
There isn't any such thing as hon.
est legislation in this country" COM
planned the pessimist. "Oh, don't
know" replied the legislator; 81 was
promised $500 to help pass certain
bill, and did it, and got all that was
promised me."-Philadelphia Press.
Gee! I've discovered a great book
to dramatize, and the copyrights run
out on it," exclaimed the theatrical
manager; why, / can get a dozen or
more good plays out of it." "You don't
Tales From Shakespeare. '"-Philadel-
He died in town this summer Dr.
ing his last illness his wife nursed him
over the telephone from Newport; his
doctor treated him by telegraph from
Bar Harbor; and letter written from
the top of the Alps by his clergyman,
was read over him at the funeral
Life.
Miss Kamra Feend-"Fd like to take
photo of your farmland at work"
Farmer Brown-"All right-ef yew kin
spare the time" Miss Kamra Feend-
"Oh, this camera will catch him in just
one-twentieth of second" Farmer
Brown-t'Yes: but it'll take we two
hours tew ketch hmm workin'."--
Judge.
eff you leave all your property to
your second wife, your children will
certainly try to break your will" 'Of
course. That's what l want them to
do. 1 want them to have their full
share of my money" "Then why be-
queath it all to your wife?" well,
you see, it will be easier for my chill
dren to break my will than it is for
me to break hers. New York Weekly.
A Teutonic saloonkeeper in Balti-
more having saved more money than
ne cared TO allow In his till over night,
decided to deposit it in a bank. Stroll
ing down the street, he inquired for a
good bank" and was directed to the
nearest one. He asked the bank usher:
"Is Mr.. President at homer" The
usher replied that the president was in
his Office. Very we'll, you yoost tole
him that Mr.. Yoccup Schmitt wantl<to
put hundred dollars every night In
his bank and take it out in the morn
ing" After a long wait the attendant
returned and informed Mr.. Jacob
Smith that the president could not
take his money, as he was not rated by
Dunn nor Bradstreet The excited
German replied: dun or Bradstreet!
Why, / was been raided twice by der
police" az
In an inquiry by the Society for
PSychical Research "a mn 1,nor,,, NOR