Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1902-08-27

Have you succeeded In locating the
blame for this Dreyfus AFFAIR."" asked
the friend. Locating the blamew
echoed the worried French official;
"why, that isn't the object! We've
been trying to dislocate it!'-washins.
ton Star.
Chapleigh (breaking the news)-
"Your daughter and have been mar
ried." The father-"Well, don't blame
that on me. II you have any grlev-
ance at all it's against the minister
who tied the knot. "-Philadelphia
North American.
Don't you think you're making
rather broad statement when you say
every pesslmlst is necessarily mar
rled manY But ! didn't say that"
"Oh, didn't you? l thought you did"
"No; said every married man Is nee
essarily pessimist.
Press.
~ would like 10 know" said the grun
old father to the young man who had
been ealing with considerable frequen.
cy, whether you are going to marry
my daughter?' $50 would l." answer
ed the diffident young man. "Would
you mind asking hcr?"-Cbicago Even.
Ing Post.
Miss Antique-No. I'm not going to
Mrs. WhItehair's reception. Miss Budd
Why not? "Oh, she always talks
about old times, and that makes me
tired; don't see how you can stand
her." But. my dear her subject 10
new to most OF us, you know."-New
York Weekly.
A man who had been one OF the pas
sengers OH shIpwrecked vessel was
rescued almost by miracle. On ar.
rlving Mt place from which he Nuld
send Geographic message he forN q.
ed the following dispatch to his br u
err: 81 am saved. Try TO break 1t toA
wife."-Youth's Companion.
Something must be done with those
boys Of mine at college," exclaimed
staid old citizen; they're wilder than
March hares and In hot water all the
time" "Oh, well. they're young yet.
and you must make allowances"
Make allowances. man? That's what's
keeping me poor."-Detroit Free Press.
Administrative the warrant-oficers
put on dress-suits. clean shirts. white
necktles, patent leather boots and kid
gloves, and are their opera hats on
straightI" Sabotage. aye, yer
bonor!" Admiral-"Then let them open
| fire upon the enemy; l am going ashore
| to society reception."-Town Topics.
Fuddy-"Remarkable cure. that Of
Mrs. Blank" Duddy-"Haven't heard
about 1t. What was 1T" Fuddy-
"She has recovered her voice. You
know she hasn't been able to speak for
three years. They Induced her to join
| In game of whist, and she was talk
ing before she knew it."-Boston
Transcript.
| insomnia Professor-"Tell me to
what class of maladies insomnia be.
longs" Student-"Why-er. it's con-
tagious disease" Professor-"I never
heard it SO described Where did you
learn thisg" Student-"From experl-
ence, sir. Whenever my neighbor's dog
can't sleep I'm just as wakeful MS he
ls."-Tit- Bits.
A Proud Record: see that one OF
the newly appointed patrolmen made
an arrest within twenty minutes after
lie assumed his Duties" said the OBJ
servant citizen to the experienced po-
llceman. THAT'S nothing" smiled
the latter: 81 went to sleep while my
commission was being handed to me-"
Baltimore American.
Mrs. Waldo (of BostoD-I have .
letter from your Uncle James. Pencil
ope, who wants us to spend the sum-
ner on his farm. Penelope (dubiously)
lis there any society In the neighbor-
hood? Mrs. Waldo-I've heard him
sneak Of the Holsteins and Guernseys.
4 presume they are pleasant people,.
Boston Christian Register.
II suppose tnere is great deal of
jealousy among your generals 2" "A
great DEAL" answered the Filipino
chief, gloomily; 'wc have an army
scandal at hand. The man who claims
to hold the record for long-dlstance re-
treats Is accused of violating the rules
of such contests and using a pace
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Star.
Eminent Statesman-"Put these mem.
oranda into THE form Of an Interview
and send 1t to all the papers. II It il
well received. 1 will Interview myself
again, and say that | am glad to see
the public agrees with me-" Private
Secretary-"But suppose 1t is not well
receivedT Eminent statesman-.rhen
/, will say that haven't seen reporter
. for six boston Transcript.
What" said the ordinary person
| $500 for that little bit Of porcelain
Why, 1t isn't as big as mans hand
, ut commands that price," said the deal
err, ION account of its history. 1t has I
story that covers four sheets Of parch
ment and every word the truth
WELL" said the ordinary person. '.all
, have to say is that there seems to b.
. more truth than pottery."-Indianap
oils Press.
! 1 have watched several storekeeper.
e closing up at night recently. and hav,
! always wondered why they leave thei
4 cash registers open. ! asked one th,
: other night. and he explained that l
was for the accommodation of bur
glars. "Why that? asked. "Becaus,
they will not then destroy 5000 ma
! chine to find out what's In 1t" answer
! ed my informant That's recon
mendntion Of the company Bostol
Post.
t Modesty of an Amir.