Omaha daily bee., 1902-03-09

wife watched him like a hawk. One prank
Of his disordered brain finally proved his
undoing with his congregation. which had
hitherto been long suffering. He had fire.
Quently 20 be told to remove his hat after
reaching the desk, and one Sunday morning
he read among the announcements from the
pulpit his wifeis laundry list.
He was somewhat more liberal in his
views than this congregation. but refrained
from any overt act or expression which be
thought might be obnoxious to them. and
only INDUCED himself privately. One Sab
bath morning he arose after the hymn and
announced In the usual dignined manner:
You win find my text in the frat chapter
OF the FIRST book Of the scriptures" His
hand went into the rear pocket Of his coat
Tor the customary manuscript Instead he
brought forth a book and opened It. His
whole face lighted up with a smile Of
pleasure. and he began reading aloud. with
great interest. His elder parishioneu sat
aghast. while the younger members broke
into filters. 1t soon became evident that
he was reading from one Of the latest and
most sensational novels. Finally an elder
arose In righteous indignation and called
the much mortified minister to account,
A gentleman who had a most important
journey ahead OF him had the alarm set for
an early hour. His family breakfasted with
him, but he wished to allow plenty of
time In which to catch the train. The
other members Of the household went about
their usual occupations. At 1 O'Clock his
wife. happening to pass through the lower
end OF the hall, noticed a man on the settee
BY the front door. She questioned the
servants. but they said no one had been adj
mitted during the morning. She took the
butler with her to make an Investigation.
Upon approaching the supposed stranger
she was shocked TO find her husband. whose
appearance was constrained and unnatural.
He glanced AT her, but took no further
notice OF her presence. HIS hat was on the
rack and his valise neatly tucked away
under the seat. while he sat. placidly and
with folded hands. looking through the
yestibule door, in q bored and weary man
ner' When his wife touched him on the
shoulder he stared at her in utter astonisn-
ment Tor a moment, then. springing to hIs
feet in alarm. cried:
What's the matter, Fanny; why are you
hereY'
why. william. what are you dolua
hersF' replied the wife.
I'm On the road to Boston. You know
that as well as I do"
He was much mortified. when be found
he had been sitting all those hours IN hi.
own hall. having mistaken Il for a Vestibuls
train.
Thoughtful and ThOushtIsss.
Presence Of mind and absence of mind
are usually brought TO the surface in ths
face Of some calamity or great danger. A
gentleman. while dining with his host. say
the nlmsy lace curtains blow against the
gas and catch IRE. He responded to the
cry OF help IRON his friend. by deliberately
hlling his after-dinner coffee cup from the
earafe. and throwing the contents on the
Raining drapery. With great pains and
trouble. another man insisted on saving the
copy Of the mornings paper, while all OF
the valuables In the house we're DESTROYED.
A gentleman. whose hobby vas study
ing the mental equiposs Of the brain. al
ways maintained that one need never re,
Illustrated in the presence Of danger. pro-
vided he VIII be deliberate ana do things IN
the ordinary manner BY this means both
life and property could be saved
One night he and his wife were awakened
IN their hotel by the alarm gong and the cry
Of "Pfre!" He arose and besought his Wife
to be calm and considerable. and 10 dress
- usual. negleettng no part Of her every
day habit OF procedure. Silently the poor
frightened woman hurried on her clothes
and gathered the loose articles Of thsiI
wardrobe into a ~vallse. while her husband
carefully adjusted his cravat and brushed
his coat. Then he seolded his wife fol
not noticing the t~oothbrushss These. te-
gether with his shaving pad. be packed
away In the bag. and, taking n in one
hand. with the other he led his wife doWr
the staircase into the street, where they
we're greeted By the cheers Of the crowd.
Now, Mary" he remarked. you see
owing 10 my theory and presence OF mind
here We are. safe and sound. and you have
not forgotten a single thing"
That's true, william. she replied. .buI
since the are is out I would suggest tia
you 30 back AID put Oa yoaF trsussuL"