The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-09-14
SPOKEN IN JEST.

Atlanta Constitution: EFF you please.
sub, said the old Georgia darky TO
the rural justice. Il wants you ter
gimme a vorce FUN my fam bly,"
Yes, suh-fum de head er it-fum
de OF CONAN"
Why" said the justice, that's out
of my jurisdiction. l have no power
10 grant divorces"
Didn't you marry me. subj"
"Yes-I think / did"
wen, sub, after you get me inter
de trouble, hit pears reasonable dat
YOU orter stir yo'se'f ter git me outen
it-don't it?'
"But-what's rhe trouble?"
"Dey amt no trouble tall. sub. 'cep'
des dis; Sence I had call ter preach.
an ? spell er de unlimited rheumatism.
I hez been pertickler fon er takin my
ease. en- pears lax de OF CONAN don't
want ter rise en- make a Twin fer me;
en- it come ter me dat ef | wus 'vorsed
by law, de jedge would make her gim-
me a years support. en- pay me halle
lula money right erlongl"
o . 3
Brooklyn Life: "Ah!" said Biggs. as
a prosperous looking man who had
cordially saluted Diggs passed on.
That's the way I like 10 hear a man
/ speak. He seemed sincerely glad TO find
you alive and we'll"
Eyes" replied Diggs. He probably
was. He's the president Of the COM
! pany my hfe's insured in"
. . q
Tit-Bits: IT trust. Miss Cutting" re-
marked young Borem, as he rose 10
/ depart after a prolonged stay. that l
/ have not taken up too much Of your
valuable time"
/ mot at all. Mr. Borem." replied the
/ fair damsel; the time you have taken
up has been of no value TO me what
ever I assure you"
Then he went forth into the night
and wandered homeward, wrapped in
a heavy mantle Of thought
8 . .
Philadelphia Times; Former Judge
Campbell, president OF the hoard OF
city trusts. was walking up and down
Chestnut street, between Broad and
Juniper, one recent evening, awaiting
the arrival Of a friend, when his atten-
ton was attracted by the eccentric 10
comOtiOn of a man coming through
Juniper street from Market. he
crawled along the wall Of the old mint
for a few yards, and then plunged
headlong across the street, bringing up
with a jolt against an awning pole in
front OF Wanamaker's. and carroming
against the westernmost window OF
that store Then he zigzagged across
/ Chestnut street. and. steadying himself
against the boarded-up entrance of the
Garrick theatre asked the judge with
a fine assumption Of polite dignity:
Il beg par-pardOn, shir; but (hic)
but couldsh you tell mime if thish ish
If thish ish Chestnut street or-or
ish II Wednesday,"
% o %
Wife 90 her husband)-Arthur love,
I want you 10 give John good scold-
ing tomorrow morning S....
Husband-What for? ] am perfectly
satisfied with the fellow.
Wife-Well, you see. he has to beat
the carpets tomorrow, and he strikes
ever SO much harder when he's in a
bad temper.
a struggling. modest lawyer near
Sroudsburg. this state" says the Phil
adelphia Times. received a call from
a well-to-do farmer who was in need
of professional advice concerning his
rights. which he thought ignored by a
section gang on the Delaware, Lacka-
wanna e Western railroad The law
Yer looked up the statutes. told the
J farmer exactly what he should do. and
when asked as TO the fee, replied:
/ Wen. let's cali 1t just So The farmer
passed over a s. bill. which seemed 70
Z embarrass the lawyer, Who searched
/ through his pockets and the drawers
/ of his desk. Then he pocketed the -
reached for a digest, sat down and re-
marked. I guess, Neighbor ---, ia
! best give you s. worth more advice.
d. . .
/ New York Daily News, strange
/ how quickly the Panama hat has LOST
] favor, isn't it?"
! Yes. Three months age, 1t was bis
assest. now il isn't even liability
% - o.
! Jim Webster. a colored gentleman
/ was brought up before a western judge
for fowl stealing.
After the evidence had been giver
the justice, with Ierplexed look, said
But l do not understand, Webster
how 1t was possible for you to stea
those fowls when they We're roostine
night under the owners window anf
there We're two vicious dogs in th'
yard"
1t wouldn't do yer a bit Of good
Jedge, for 20 'splain how I eateheC
dem chickens, Cor yer couldn't do O
yerset II yer tried IL forty times. and
Yer might get Yer hide -fullecf buckshot
De best way for you to do. jedge. Is ful
Yer 20 buy yer chickens On der. market
Ike udder folks do. and. when yei
wants ter commit any rascality, do 4
on the bench Nhar Yer am at honaei