West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1902-09-18
THE RURAL PosTMAN.
HIS Regular Route Is Planted With Love
Elopcment aud Gravcstones.

| "poct thltgs. lie - widOwcr with three
daughters, all old enough to bc married and
all having sweeihear,s. ~ they were high
spirited girls figured that Uncle Nose
might have trouble ON his hands and when
drove np to his gate the other day realized
,ha, he wasn', happy. lie began jomping
up and down and swearing rs soon as he saw
me and II was 10 minutes before could get
at wha, allied him. lie finally quoted down
a little aud said,
"Ahe It's them gals Of mine and can't
stand STILL"
| "wha,'s happened TO the girlsp"
Zone day last week Sue comes ,o me out
in the orchard lookin as humble as a ca, IN
says:
daddy. Joe Fowler has asked me to be
his WIFE
" But you WON'T be- says |.
" 'for why1' says she.
" because don't like the shape of his
nose It's got hump la the middle an
won't have II in our straight nosed family
"She huns tune TO herself aud walks
off without another word an then comes
! Kate.
"'what do you wan,1' saysI
:" Il wan, to marry Jim Green, she says.
- Bat forbid YOU TO.
" For why1'
" Because he's go, yNlrr from, teeth and
| won't have no such teeth eain fried PORK
over my table
'kaie whistles To herself aud goes of and
up comes Maggie and says.
" Dad I'm gcin away soon
Z" Where tor
" TO Simpsons Corners. viii Simpson
has asked me to marry him and I've said
yes.
" Then you'll be disappointed.
" For why1'
a. Because he's got cock eye and this is
no cock eyed family II you three girls
don't simmer down aud stop your nonsense
I'll Gu, peach tree sprou, and give you all
a lickln'
That's wha, said Abc." continued
Uncle Mose as hc grabbed a, his ha, and
slapped il agaius, the fence, "and every
body knows I'm man of my word. Them
gals was que, as mice ill yesterday after
noon when ! went down cellar To clean up
litle. hadn't got To work before The door
was locked on me and when yelled TO
know what was up 'hey calls out altogether;
{" 'Gnodby dad We can't stay here no
Imge,r".
" wha, did they mean by ,hat1" asked.
''why durn nv hide they meant they was
eoin off To git married. Yes Abe them
three felers drove up IN three buggics and
them gals lef, mr locked up an rode away
with 'em and never 60, ou, Of the cellar
ill this morrin. They went off bag and
baggage and they arc married by this time
and--and---"
And Uncle Nose was so mad that he lay
down and rolled over on The grass and got
up aud iTamred duwn bed Of pink holly
hooks J knew ] could say nothing 10 him
and so quietly drove away.
I've been hearin good deal Of talk about
old man Davis this summer. He's wild.
over and has three s,us, while sister keeps
hJuSc for him. I, was The talk that he was
going to marry the Widow Hooper and
there were lots of winking and blinking but
d,dn', pay much attention On this tup
as drove up one of ihe boys called to me
10 come up to the verands and did so 10
find daddy tied fas, in his chair.
"wbat's up7" says.
"Abe" ss.s Joe Davis the oldest of the
three sons "we want you TO talk to daddy
You par, Of The United States Farmers
have to turn out for you on the road aud
wha, you say eoe. Dadd,'s bound to 20
of and get married and we arc bound lha,
he shan'i."
'I1l get married before night OF hang
myself in the barnl" says daddy as he
pounds his fist on the aim Of the chair.
Look at him ibe" says George the sec
ond son ''lic's over so ycsrs old and
can't climb three rail fence. We want
you to tell him that the United States don't
allow men 10 make fools Of themselves"
"IIang the United Sia,esi" pipes the old
man. II asked the Widder Hooper 10
marty me aud she said she would and I'm
goin over there today or lose my lifel"
Daddy" says feeling il my duty 10 help
the boys out, "the United States is a mighty
big country and whs, Uncle Sam says has 10
60 around here. You'd letter wait til
Icy This case before the postmaster general 4"
whats he got to do with it1"
~ heap. He's bigger man in his way
Than the President. II ne finds that YOU
are 80 nesrighied you cant see your own
toes, deaf in one ear aud have only got three
teeth IN your mouth. he may decide that
you ough, not to marry. Don't get into .
row with The United States daddy. Eyefy
fellow who has tried It from I776 down to
date has eo' licked"
Bat want 70 set inauiedr' he yells.
''rhe "idder Hooper Is Wai,in TO be led To
the altar and u don, lead her she'll sue
me for breach Of promise
saw that could de- nothing and winked
a. the bays as TUNED away Before had
gm TO Tie gate they hal cauicd him. chair
and all, into the house 20 icek him ~ "
ledfoon and the sound Of his yelling and
cussiug reSembled the bleal # los, calf AZ
night.
There was one more incident before
Guished the days drive Farmer Ben John.
son who los, his wife year ego by being
gofed to deaih by bull vas out in the
font yard talking toa tombstone man as I
drove up. They we're having spirited
Argument and Farmer Ben turns to ne and
says;
"Abc' you arc tho United States. Ire
American eagle. the STAR spangled banner
o,T a.. f....fI...