The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-07-10
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EgollStlc' niSsiHs-So you are proud
of the land Of your birth, eh? Wbat
did it ever do to be proud Of? Wiooin.
Wasn't I born there ?-Boston Tron
script.
Her Position: Mrs. Parke-Wba,
kind Of servants do you prefer-whita
or black. Irish or German? Mrs. Lane
I've gotten beyond that. I'm LOOKING
for servants that prefer me.-Puck.
Elderly Spinster-Ah, dear Julia, you
can't imagine how l dread to think of
my fortieth birthday. Julia-Why.
dear! Did something very unp,eas-
ant happen then ?-LOndon Punch.
The Spring Department.: Dinwiddie--
Where shall l find the spring under
clothes? Department Store FloOrwalk-
er-TwO aisles to the left, right next
to the cough cure and patent medicine
counter.-Judge.
Tile Count weesh to marry your
6aushtaira, saire! am worth c',e hun
dred tOusaLd dOllaire. The s1illionaire
-Rut thought you were bankrupt.
moch to you-Brooklyn life.
"1'hey asked me to their reception"
said the girl with the two-story ponpa-
doLr. "but it wasn't because they like
me. 1t was because can sing "Oh,
Pm sure you're mistaken, said the
other girl, iEpulsively.--Chicls Trib.
une
She-But you must admit that socie-
ty in our village is all the time becom-
ing more cultured. He-Yes, hear
that at the minstrel show next week
instead Of end men they advertise ''su-
perior terminal facilities. Boston
Transcript.
A white-haired man walked into the
or.!inary's Office the other day and ask
ed for a pension certificate. ''What
ground for u pension have you" be
was asked. "Why. when .hc engage
nent began" he said. Il lost my head"
Atlanta journal.
Exorbitant: Litigant = What will
you charge me for taking the case?
Lawyer-It ought to be worth a hun
dred, but I'll do it for you for an even
sixty. Litigant-SIxty dollars? Great
Croesus! l can buy a whole jury for
that Chicago Tribune.
Leading Up to 1t: Bobbie-You know
them preserves out in tn pantry wOt
you told me not to eat? Mother-Yes.
Bobbie-You know you said they'd
make me sick if ct 'em, didn't you?
Mother-Yes. Bobbie-Well, they
didn't.-Ohio State Journal.
"She keeps an immense establish
ment doesn't she?' ''Oh, indeed, yes!
A head cOachman. two fOOtmen, two
grooms. and a stable-boy. housekeep-
er, cook. undertook, kitchen maid, up
stairs and downstairs maid. governess,
husband. and child. Puck.
The Undisputed Points: Attorney for
the Defense-You are BLACKBOARD and
bluff. sir! Attorney for the PrOsecu-
tion-And you, sir, are shyster and
rogue! The COurt-COme. come. gentle
men. Let us get down to the disputed
points in this case.-Smart Set.
Stranger-What statue is that being
erected on the square? Citizen-That.
sir, Is the statue Of the Hon. Mortimer
Biggerton. Stranger-One of the bene-
factors Of the town, I suppose? Citizen
Yes. indeed. He paid for the statue
before he died.-Chicago News.
Willy-I met our new minister on my
way to Sunday school, mamma, and
he asked ME IL ever played marbles
on Sunday. Mother-H'm! And what
did you say to that? Willy-I said. Get
thee behind me. Satan! and walked
right off and left him.-Tit-Bits
Hunter after another nissl Darn
the luck! L don't know what can DO
the matter with this gun. The D'rio
matic Guide-They kin talk as me;
like. sir, but nothn' kin make me be-
lieye this here smokeless powder IS az
good as tn. old fashioned kind
Hicam-That boy of yours what wens
to college could do some powerful llft-
ing with the club and dumbbells. Silas
Yes: but l always thought more OF
the other ones lifting powers. Hiram
Did he lift dumbells and the like!
Silas-No; but he lifted the mortgage.
The Laugh: Chumpley-That hyp-
notist is a fraud. He couldn't control
my mind at all last night. Pokely-of
course, he had some excuse. Chumpley
Yes. He said there was no material
to work on. You ought to have heard
The audience give him the laugh.-Ilt-
Bits.