Atlanta semi-weekly journal. (Atlanta, Ga.) 1898-1920, 1902-01-16

BY HENRY WALLACE PHILLIPS
probable misquotation OF old couplet)
81 know not where the truth may be;
/ tell the tale as twas told to me.


| 81 know not where the truth may be;
tell the tale as twas told to me-"
There was once an earnest missionary
| who went TO the trouble OF learning the
| Sioux language, in order to be of more use
| in his chosen field. he spoke II with
| strong Boston accent. One day he labored
| with a big Uncapapa brave long and
eagerly. The Injun listened to all he had
to say with grave attention. When at
great length silence finally fell, the. Red
man finally spoke.
Have you any tobacco?" said he
"Why, MOI" returned the missionary.
] Hugh! SO lOng!" said the InJun, ana
rode away on trot.
Now, there may be those who will object
| that the plain, unvarnished tale OF my
| friend, "Hy" Smith. which follows, Is
lacking In the robust qualities that truth
alone can bring; TO them l recommend the
attitude of the Injun. But / must add this:
| Heaven forbid that / should have to stand
| good for any of "Hy's" stories! Still,
| some of what considered his most out
| rageous lies >afterward received strong and
1 unexpected consideration. For instance,
| the manner in which he earned his sobri-
quet of Hydraulic" Smith / thought was
| pure fable, but no less a man than his
| former employer said 1t was fact in every
| essential. Smith got his front name While
hworking I'm a big hydraulic camp in Idaho.
| He was nozzleman. One day in an unusual
! ~ merry mOOQ ne turned the nOIllOA AOOS0
| on a crowd of Cinnamon who were work
! ing over tailings.
| And II ever you saw felt shoes and pig
| tails flying in the air twas them" said Hy.
| at looked for all the world like Old
/ Faithful had spouted in a poll-parrot
! cage. don't know why done 1t, no more
4 than the man in the moon-it was one OF
/ them idees that takes hold of you, and
gets put through before you can more'n
| reelize you're thinking Of it-but 1t was
the greatest success of its kind ever see.
We had a two-hundred-foot head of water
| and a six-inch stream, and / might say
that there was a yaller haze of Cinnamon
/ in the atmosphere for the next ten sec
/ onds. piped one Charley-boy right over
/ the top of a tool shed. Well our boss was
mighty kind-hearted man, and when
that crowd of splitting. foaming, gargling,
\ gobbling Cinnamon went to him and begun
/ to pour out their troubles like several
/ packs of flrecrackers going off to onct,
/ waving all the arms and legs l hadn't
/ knocked out of commission, he was het up
! considerable. He never waited to hear my
side of the story. but just rolled up his
/ pants and waded into me up to the hooks;
/ he read me my pedigree from Adam
/ wife's sister down to now, and there
wasn't respectable person in it according
/ to him.
II didn't like 1t. and made swipe for
/ him with a shovel, but he was too soople
Il Tor me, ana OF all the HckluBS 4 ever gut
/ that is the one I don't want TO remember
/ the most. He did a sort of double-shuffie
| on my back. while he brought my legs
1 into the argument with sluice rake.
when he asked me If had had enough,
! told him thought 1t would do for the
present, because, as matter of fact, II
| all had more than enough was money in
the bank. wouldn't have done no more
work for The rest of my days.
$50 then he calls me up and gives me
my time, and 1 must say he treated me
/ square when he said Eood-by.
You're the best darn man on mon
| itor lever that 1 ever see says he. but
anywheres else you're the foolest combine
| Of small boy and daredevil, and some
other queer thing that 1 don't seem to be
able to find a name for. that ever cum
bered this earth. Now, get out of this and
/ good luck to YOU
II didn't feel a BIT sorry for them China
men-they're only hairless monkeys that
don't even know enough to wear their tails
/ I'm the right place. Their arithmetic proves
that. It's regular monkey figuring. They
/ haven't any numbers that look like num-
bers at ALL Suppose you want to multiply
| twenty-five by thirty-six, Chinese system?
| First you put down a ROSTERS foot track;
| that's twenty-five. Underneath that goes
/ the ground plan of a small house; that's
/ thirty-six. Then you take an hour off
and work out the sum with a lot of little
/
answer, and what do you think IL is? Why.
| it's a map of Chicago after the fret
| Shucksl And they call themselves men.
| I'd go old Job three boils to his one
rather than have any Chinks around me.
well. the boys labeled me Hydraulic
| Smith from that on, and / went prospect
/ ing. Took up with a Teller named Aga
memnon G. Jones. Aggy was big, fine
looking man, with a chest like dry goods
box and a set of whiskers that would start
! him in business anywhere. They were the
| upstandingest, noblest, straightforward
est outfit of whiskers 1 most ever saw,
/ and how they come to grow on Ag is
mystery; but they stood him in many
dollar now, tell you that!
! HE was a man of pretty considerable
/ education In some ways, and he could
make you believe that today was last
Thursday week ago # you weren't on to
him. At this time he was kind of under
cloud like myself, and the way itscome
| about was this:
He started an assay office when he first
/ struck the gulch, and he used to bring in
results according to the looks of the Gus
i toner. If the man looked tender around
\ the feet. Aggy'd knock 1t to him, and
probably the shavc-tail would be so pleas
/ ed that he would fork out an extra ten,
! but If he was plainly vented as one of the
| boys, there would be just enough pay in
the return to encourage him. Now, Jones
Il Nlu everything SnipSHdpe anu III style.
/ Here's the paper that made him trouble"
Hy fished a slip out of the bundle in his
| old pocketbook and handed 1T to me-
Agamemnon @. Jones, Assayer,
Cumulative and Qualitative Analyses.
Sample left by Mr.. Idaho Kid No. S6,94S.
| Value per ton.
| - GOiu's.s s'ss s.SooZ.Io
| SILVER. -. l66.SO
| Flantinum.. 14.U
| Lead. ...-.. ZOo
| Ildlum.- w
| OsmluIn.. .OOOO3A
| g. Copper. =. =. O.. .. :. o.. .. :. 1884
1926 a. m. 3-16-S1
! (Signed Agamemnon G. Jones,
Assayer.
Now that was the worst that Aggy had
ever sprung on anybody, because this
| Idaho Kid looked as IL he hadn't been
three weeks away from his mother; in
| stead Of which he was hootin', tootin'
son-of-a-gun in reality, and you might
say he'd cut his teeth on a miners can
dlestick.
When the Kid saw that miraculous re-