The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1902-11-28
THE PARVARTED
BACHELOR
by SEUMAS MACMANUS
. ORNEY HIGARTY, the pen
Copyright, 1902, by Seumas MacManus

Y
sioner, was an inveterate old
a. bachelor = or, still worse, a
misogynist = himself and had
many sarcastic things to say at the
women's expense When the neighbors
gathered around the fire in his little
cabin on winter nights and Toalna Gal
1agher led off a general assault upon
old bachelors, Corney's biting wit
flowed freely in return; but when his
assailants by dint of their numbers and
persistence drove him back from cover
to cover Corney eventually fell back
upon his grand and unassailable posi-
ton and made an effective stand upon
his story of 1.-THE Parvarted Bache-
Ilor:"
In them days, or thereabouts, when
me gran'father's great-gran' father was
q youngster, there was chap lived in
the neighborhood of Dublin named
Rody, that the neighbors called Rody
the Bachelor bekase, like meself, he
had small gradh for the women, an
people thought he'd no more marry
than he would give his head for foot
ball.
Rody was warm an well to do, with
snug farm an a thrig house, milk
COWS an dhry cattle galore. He was
as happy as hedge sparta to all SEEM
i'm an lived in aise an contentment
with himself an the whole wurrP.
Then, when at wake or weddin' or
some other sort iv spree, the neigh
Ibors got at Rody about why he didn't
marry an take a wife till himself,
Rody always laid down his docthrine
to them. "I'm as happy" he used to
say, "as the Lord thanks be to himD
!can make me. have PAIGE, grace an
content, an what more does a man
need? Them that takes woman takes
Ithrouble, an them that marries makes
worry for themselves. Ye often enough
say yerselves, No COW, no care, an l
say, No woman, no VICE. If l got the
best woman in the wurrP, she couldn't
like me better nor like meself. So,
all things considered, it seems to me
that it's l am the wisest man iv the
lot iv We to keep meself happy when
feel meself so" An that was time an
again the burden iv Rody the Bache-
lor's song.
But, sirs, wonders IL never cease.
There was a slip iv black eyed gis-
sach (girl, wan iv the neighhors' daugh-
tiers, come to milk the cows mornin'
an evenin' for Rody wan time his
hand TUX bad with the whittle an he
couldn't milk himself. An Una-she
was named Una-she used to sing IAN
cailin dheas cruite ma m-bo" (''The Pur-
ty Girl Milkin' the Gown to keep the
cow quate while she MIXED her, an
Rody would be standin' be the cows
head scratchin' Brawny's neck to keep
her quate likewise. But be the time
Rody's hand was better Nv the white
he persuaded Una to continue comm
to milk bekase that the cows MIXED
better, he found. to woman, an Una,
without much persuasion. consented.
An the neighbors they all sayed, AYE,
,ayew when they heerd this. So for
the length iv long summer Una she
imilked away an sung away. while
Rody the Bachelor was gettin' more
silent an thoughtful an less light
hearted day be day till at length it
was plain to be seen as the hill iy Bin
ban that an cailin dheas cruite ma m-bo
was singin' away the heart out Nv him.
So it didn't by no means come like
lthunderclap when the news went
roun' that Rody had discovered his
cows wouldn't give the milk till any
wan but Una, since she had made on
them so, an that he decided he'd have
to marry her so he'd have her to milk
always.
An married they wor. too. an had
mortal great weddin' entirely. at
which poor Rody had to stand his own
share in sconcin' about his suddint
change, him that was so sore again all
Iwomenkind. An in right good part
Rody TUX 1t all. He sayed there never
was no rule since the worrP begun that
hadn't an exception, an his Una was
Almost the only wan exception to the
doctrines he used to lay down.
Father Pat was, wan Nv them that
used to have the greatest passages
with Rody about not marryin', an
he was now helpin', as hard as he
could. the neighbors to salt him for his
suddint change.
"An' is it yer belief" says Father
Pat. shat Una III go as far as We used
to think woman should afore she'd
be worth takin'; that she likes an
will like ye better nor We do yerself"
my Una," says Rody. ''sartinly goes
that far. That's why TUX her,"
"Whew-ew-ew!' says Father Pat.
that way.
"Father Pat" says Rody. I'VE may
whistle or do as We plaise, but it's So"
Father Pat looked hard at Rody for
a minute to see was he rally so far
gone entirely as to believe that. AN.
Rody," says he. ''do We rally believe
itY
MAY l niver ait the bread in corn If
am MT sartin siv what | say" says
Rody.
"Ye're dale foolisher man than l
thought ye," says Father Pat. would
We mind putin little bait (bet) on It
that yell be in the same opinion this
day twermonth?"
I'm bait ye5" says Rody, me spot
ted springer again yer oul gray mare
AN thatS long odds-that me opinion
isn't althered this day twel'month."
Done" says Father Pat. AN yous,
boys, are all witnesses iv this"
Rody promised Father Pat faithfully
to keep the transaction deep sal
,cret from Una. An so he did. Rody
was in the height " good humor over
it. for that he felt SO sartin " Unas