davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
Small Bows.

Small boys are looked upon by the
devil with some pride as one Of his
most successful inventions.
After careful consideration one is
forced to the conclusion that they
have not single good quality.
They are never thoroughly happy
unless they are killing either their
sisters favorite doll or their little
sister. They are only truthful when
drawing attention to the physical Pc
culiarities of their fathers visitors.
They will not be affectionate unless
their hands and mouth are jammy
after tea and you have new suit on.
And they are so noisy that married
men who own one of them can sleep
in the parrot house at the zoo.
And when once the small boy is
here he stays. You may try what you
will to get rid of him. Perch him
for the first time in his life on a BIZ
cycle, and allow him to ride down the
steep hill without a brake, and 1t will
be the good old lady crossing the road
who dies. Send him to the river with
little boat to sail, and 1t will be the
little boat that gets drowned. Place
a box Of matches in his way, and it
will be the handsome Persian rug that
becomes ashes. The parents will al
ways be baffled.
That is the average small boy. Even
religious people have been known to
have one.
There is another sort who is always
quite good. He is much worse, and,
fortunately, dies young.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
Mainly
About
$3.50
People.

quite as garrulous when sober as men
are when in their cups, and their con-
versation is often just as well worth
hearing.
AS a rule they have more heart than
head. This is apt to render them
thoughtless. A woman will walk to
the end of the street, then turn sharp
ly round without looking to see
whether there is any one Immediately
behind her, and, as a consequence,
gouge your eyes out with the end of
her sunshade. Sometimes she will beg
your pardon, but l have known one
Just flip the eye off the ferrule into
the gutter and sail serenely on with
out saying word.
They used to be called the gentle
sex. But one day man saw some OF
them entering dry goods store as the
door opened on the first day Of a
clearance sale.
It has been remarked that they look
nice at prayer, so they keep the
churches going. At the same time,
their versatility is really wonderful.
They can be splendidly dishonest.
and unconsciously so, and lady com.
pany directors are only matter of
time.
They think a man a fine fellow
when they are engaged to him. But
the sad thing about engagements is
that they often lead to marriage. Still,
in spite of all. women are quite one Of
the incest sexes, and If only they will
keep silly instead of trying to be men
I cannot help thinking there is fu-
ture for them. Their patience is GER
tainly wonderful. The poor things
have no pockets.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
Women.

Women were put here to make the
world look pretty, though the fashion
papers have never guessed this.
They are fond Of dressing, except
at dances and dinner parties. A great
traveller once met lady friend, whom
he had not seen for many years, at
dance. why, how you have altered"
said the lady. II declare, should not
have known you from Adam" Nor l
you," retorted the man, from Eve"
Another hobby is talking. Chey are
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

Congressman ID. f. WILDER, OF Once
The Peruna Medicine Co., Columbus,
Gentlemen Persuaded by q frieE
almost fully recovered after the use
that Peruna Is all you claim for II, an
to ali who are afflicted with catarrhal
Pe-ru-na Preventive and Cure for Colds.
Mr.. G. F. Given, Sussex, N. B., Vice
President of 1.-THE Pastime Boating
Club" writes:
whenever the cold weather sets in
I have for years past been very sure to
catch q severe cold which was hard to
throw off, and which would leave after
effects on my constitution the most of
the winter.
"Last winter I was advised to try
Peruna, and within five days the cold
was broken up, and in five days more /
was a we'll man. recommended it to
several of my friends and all speak the
highest praise for it. There Is nothing
like Peruna for catarrhal affiliations.
II Is we'll nigh infaIiibie as cure, and
gladly endorse nc. F. Given.
Prominent Singer Saved From Loss of
Voice.
Nr.Julian Weisslitz, IT'S Seneca street,
Buffalo. N. Y is corresponding secre-
tary of The Sangerlust, of New York;
is the lea ling second bass of the Sanger
lust, the largest German singing society
If New York and also the oldest.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
Babies.

Babies are one of the incidents Of
marriage. There are fewer marriages
every year.
They have great larks sometimes
with young couples by ignoring the
notice boy Wanted" and coming as
girls.
Another joke they are fond Of is
hunting in couples.
They are not much to look at, and
a man has been known to knock an
other man down for telling him he was
once one of them.
They cry lot at first because they
want to ask who they are; and can't.
Fathers would generally throw them
away. but the mothers will not have
it. A mothers love is the most won
derful thing in the world.
An ugly feature of babies is that
they are apt to grow up into small
boys.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
TROUBLE BEGINS.

Trouble begins with the fiji ct back
ache.
Backache comes in many forms
sudden twinges vi pain, sharp stitches,
slow, exhaustive aches.
Most backache pains are kidney
pains.
The kidneys fail to perform the
duties nature intends them to do and
the warning of trouble comes through
the back.
Neglect the kidney warning, grave
complications will surely follow.
Urinary disorders. Diabetes,
Bright's Disease. are the downward
steps of neglected kidneys.
Doan's Kidney Pills cure every kid.
ney and bladder sickness and the
cure lasts. Read this proof of 1t:
Mrs. Adam Guntle. residing at FOL
South Plum St., Crawfordsville, Ind,
says: II made public statement in
1897, saying that Doan's Kidney Pills
had cured a member OF our family
after he had suffered for years with
a weak back and kidney troubles.
He took three boxes of this remedy
and was completely cured. Now three
years have elapsed since l made this
statement and | am only too pleased
to reindorse it. have also used
Doan's Kidney Pills myself, obtaining
the best results. have recommended
this remedy to my friends and neigh
bors as one which can always be de-
pended upon"
A FREE TRIAL Of this great Kid.
ney medicine which cured Mrs.
Guntle will be mailed on application
to any part of the United States. Ad.
dress Foster-Milburn Co.. Buffalo,
N. Y. For sale by all druggists, price
60 cents par box,
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

In 1899 The Sangerlust celebrated its
fiftieth anniversary with a large cele-
bration in New York City. The follow
ing is his testimony:
'About two years ago caught Q
severe cold while travelling and which
settled into catarrh of the bronchial
tubes, and SO affected my voice that
was obliged to cancel my engagements.
In distress was advised to try Peruna,
and although l had never used patent
medicine before, sent for q bottle.
'Words but lilly describe my surprise
to find that within few days was
greatly relieved, and within three weeks,
l was entirely recovered. l am never
without it now, and take an occasional
dose when feel run down."-Julian
Weisslitz
Ifyou do not derive prompt and salts
factory results from the use of Peruna
write at once to DR.. Hartman, giving
full statement of your case and he will
be pleased to give you his valuable ad-
vice gratis.
Address DIR. Hartman, President Of
The Hartman Sanitarium. Columbus.O
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

stoddart the Nestor 0; the Stage.
]. H. Stoddart, who looks back to q
career of seventy years on the stage,
is the Nestor Of the profession in
America, antedating Joseph Jefferson
by several years. He has no inten-
ton of abandoning the profession.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
STATE OF OHIO, CITY OF TOLEDO, , ,

LUCAS COUNTY,
Frank j. Cheney makes oath that he Is the
senior partner Of the firm Of F. J. Cheney g. Co.,
doing business In the City Of Toledo, County
and State aforesaid and that said firm will pay
the sum of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for
each and every case OF Catarrh that cannot be
cured by the use OF Halls Catarrh Cure.
FRANK j. CHENEY.
Sworn to before me and subscribed In my
presence this 9th day OF December. A. d. 1880
,c, A. w. GLEASON,
lSEAhI Notary Public
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally, and
acts directly on the blood and mucous surfaces
OF the system. Send for testimonials, free.
F. ]. CHENEY & CO., Toledo. q
Sold by Druggists, TIC.
Halls Family Pills are the hest
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
Men.

Men are what women marry. They
drink, and smoke, and swear, and
have ever so many pockets, but won't
60 to church. Perhaps If they wore
bonnets they might They are more
logical than women, and also more
geological. Both men and women
have sprung from monkeys, but the
women certainly sprang further than
the men.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

Hundreds Of dealers say the extra
quantity and superior quality of Def
ance Starch is fast taking place of all
other brands. Others say they cannot
sell any other starch.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
Water Diet to Cure Disease.

BY subsisting solely upon water for
thirty-seven days P. Slocum, an at
torney of Erie, Pa, claims to have
cured himself of catarrh and kidney
complaint which had been pronounced
chronic by the doctors.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
The Housewives Holiday.

1t is common practice In Berlin
for the wife to stay at home when the
husband and family go to the seaside.
In this way she enjoys her own holi-
days. usually taking her meals at res
taurantS
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

You never hear any one complain
about Defiance Starch" There Is
none to equal 1t in quality and guam
tity. 16 ounces, 10 cents. Try 1t
now and save your money.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
eautlsts Raising LARGE Sums.

baptIsts Raising Large oums'
The Baptists of Virginia are endeav.
oring to raise 100000 in this General
Association year for missions and
benevolence, and have good prospects
of success, though the period has
nearly expired.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
Do Your Feet Ache and Burn9

Do Your Feet Ache and Burn?
Shake into your shoes, Aliens Foot
Ease, a powder for the feet. 1t makes
tight or New Shoes feel Easy. Cures
Corns, Bunions, Swollen, Hot and
Sweating Feet. At all Druggists and
Shoe Stores, Csc. Sample sent FREE.
Address Allen S. Olmsted, Leroy, N. Y.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
ALTON RESUMkS FAST st. LOUu
TRAIN SERVICE.

Passengers destined to st. Louis
and points east should go via the Kan
sas City gateway. thereby securing
the advantage Of the Chicago & Atoms
fast night train. leaving Kansas City
ct 8 D. M, arriving In st. Louis at 7:0s
Q. m. Chair cars free Of extra charge
Compartment sleeping cars. The Al
ION keeps their light a'shining just
ahead Of the rest. Write to L. d
Ceopsr, Travelling Passenger Agent
Ohihagp = Alton Railway. Kansas CITY.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

No one would ever be bothered with con-
stipation If every one knew how naturally
and quickly Burdock Blood Bitters regu-
lates the stomach and bowels.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
WHEN YOUR GROCER SAYS

he does not have Defiance Starch. you
may be sure he Is afraid TO keep 1t until
his stock of IL o. packages are sold. De-
fance Starch Is not only better than any
other Cold Water Starch, but contains 16
OF. to the package and sells for same
money As II OF. brands.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

No bride can understand why a
woman should take her troubles to
the Lord when she has man to care
for her.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

Fall I'M" is the feminine order
when millinery openings are an
nounced
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

Sillicus-"I admit that she toyed
with my affections, but she didn't
make fool Of me-" Cynicus-'Who
did,"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

When an old man marries a young
wife it's usually case of one-sided love
and two-sided folly.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

Music may be the food of love, but
love also manages to find room for
large quantities of ice cream and bon
hons
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

It's funny that the women's clothes
that are never seen are mostly made
for show.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

1t costs more money to keep up your
own family than it does to break up
another mans.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

Money refunded for each package Of
PUTNAM FADELESS DYES If unsat-
isfactory.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

To Cure a Gold in One day.
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. An
druggists refund money II fails to cure. 25c.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

If man is a jay, a white vest
won't save him.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

A woman can look more complete
ly disguised than a man.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

One trouble with white lies is that
they require too much whitewashing.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24
WHY IT Is THE BEST

is because made by an entirely different
process. Defiance Starch Is unlike any
other. better and one-third more for 10
cents.
After marriage a man quits buying
candy and squanders his money on
beefsteak.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

The man who is always late to his
breakfast is early to his troubles.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

Cures Group. sore throat, pulmonary trou-
bles.-Monarch over pain OF any sort. Or.
Thomas Electric Oil.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup
For children teethng softens the gums reduces IN
nammaton alays pain, cures wind collie. Csc bottle.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

Modesty wears no mask to hide its
bushes.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

The fashions change in everything
except babies.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

DON'T SPOIL YOUR CLOTHES.
Use Red Cross Ball Blue and keep them
white as snow. All grocers. &c. package.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-10-24

Nearly every obituary notice is
made ridiculous by fiattery.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-01-04

In the composing room of one of the
st. Paul morning papers works a printer
VINO has included in his New Years list
the resolve to forget all idea Of hurry
IN the matter of street cars.
This print will never again chase a
street car. If duty calls him to Mime
apolis, and the last car to the town up
the river is pulling out from the corner.
the car can keep right on, and the
print will either hire carriage or
walk the ten or twelve miles. He is
still willing to help the street railway
company along, but the car he rides
must stop for him at the corner and
come to a dead stop at that
1t was different a few days before
Christmas. Then this reformed news
paper worker was willing to board any
car that he could catch. Then came the
fatal day.
The afternoon Of this day found the
printer down in the department store
district. His wife had provided him with
list of intended presents for father,
mother, George, Sister Name and the
family friends, and the printer was do
ing the best he could. BY the time the
lamp lighters were starting to work he
had completed his task He had ordered
most of the list delivered, but it was
up to him to get home to supper, and
he carried several bulky parcels toward
the street car tracks.
When the printer reached Seven cor
ners not a car was in sight. He wanted
a Seventh street car, and the policeman
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-01-04

reflection on the national costume of the
earl, who had done the diners honor to
appear in it. Well, four years have
passed since then, and now the earl re-
CARDS that as a joke and tells it at least
once a day 365 days in the year"
Not long ago a Kansas politician was
asked by his wife to lay aside politics
long enough one day to dig the potatoes
in the garden. He consented and, after
digging for a few minutes, went into the
house and said he had found a coin. He
washed it off and it proved to be silver
quarter He put it in his jeans and went
back to work. Presently he went to the
house again and said he had found an
other coin. He washed the dirt off it and
this time it was a silver half-dollar. He
put it in his jeans. 81 have worked
pretty hard said he to his wife, Il
guess I'll take a short nap. When he
awoke he found that his wife had dug
all the rest of the potatoes But she
found no coins. 1t then daWned upon her
that she had been worked
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-01-04
FLOODS IND EORESrRY

A few thousand years ago, if what is
writ be true, the then known world was
visited by a disaster in the shape of q
flood with ruined many a prosperous
community and came well nigh depopu-
lating a certain particular section of the
earth's surface. OF the approach of this
damp disaster the people received many
warnings we are also told, but being a
headstrong people they gave little heed
to the warnings and as a consequence
had to swim for it.
For the last quarter of a century the
eastern, middle, southern, and south
western parts of the United States have
been receiving warnings of coming floods.
From the river valley of New England
to the valley of the Brazos, have come
annually the walls of the stricken ones,
whose friends and families have persisted
miserably in the foods that swept away
their homes
The value of property annually de-
stroyed by the floods in the Mississippi
valley alone amounts to millions. Last
week the winter rains flooded every val
ley in the state of Pennsylvania. Before
the first of March we will read of the
rise of the Ohio, and later will come a
call for succor for the homeless and the
destitute. a little later the lower
Mississippi and the rivers of the South
west will break over their banks and
start across the country carrying devasta-
ton in their wake.
These are but warnings of greater
foods to come. Every year sees the
water creep a little higher; every sue
ceeding year the oncoming food gives
less warning. The time was when as the
rains fell, the rivers would rise slowly
sometimes to the fullness of their banks:
the water would seldom break over. But
now before the rain has ceased the tor
rent rushes down the valley, a water-waIl
before which nothing can stand. No
warning is given and no quarter shown.
Why is this? The cause is simple. For
a half century, the country has been de-
nuded of it's covering of timber which
acted as a break upon the flow of the
surplus water The mold of the woods
acted as a sponge to retain the rainfall,
until it was taken up by evaporation or
dissipated by seepage. Now with ditch
and tile the swamps have been drained,
and the hills have lost their coverings OF
trees. The torrent pours from the clouds
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-01-04

on the corner told him he was in front
of a 5-minute wait. The printer was
tired and thirsty. He decided to rest up
with a bowl of amber while waiting for
his car.
TO think was to act and the next
moment the saloon door slammed behind
the print The barkeep was hard at
work, but after a slight delay he man
aged to place one of the biggest for-five
in front of the newspaper laborer.
The foam was UP close to the type
settlers nose, when he happened to
glance out over the curtains of the
saloon window. Just above the top of
the shade he could see a street car sign,
and the sign told of the passing of a
Seventh street car.
The printer dropped the glass and
started on a run for the door. He threw
the door open and bumped into a fat
man who was following the crowd
There was no time for an excuse, and
leaving the fat mans friends doing the
human derrick act, the printer dashed
for the street. He got out there just as
a woman pushed baby carriage across
his path. The printer went right over
the baby vehicle, and two of his bundles
rolled into the gutter.
By this time the car was half way up
the block, but with a muttered I'll get
that car or bust something" the COM
posing room employee started a sprint
1t was a thrilling sight. First a dog got
in his way, and then he struck slip
perry piece of pavement. He rolled over
the canine and slid over the slippery
spot and the mad chase was resumed
It was long chase and a stern chase,
but at last the printer saw the trailer
platform rail almost within reaching dis
lance, and then he moved up and grab
bed the piece of brass. A jerk pulled him
onto the platform and out of breath, and
minus a hat and several bundles he
tumbled into seat
The conductor was up in front, but
the printers arrival started him to the
trailer
Here, your ordered the man Of gray
clothes and brass buttons. You will
have to get off of this car. We only
go to the barns and we don't carry pas
sengers.''
The printer resumed his wait for
real Seventh street car at the next cor
ner, and as he stood under the street
lamp he registered a solemn VOW to
forego all sprints after street cars.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-01-04
4 TOUCHDOWN FOR BOARD OF
CONTROL

The supreme court has sustained the
contention of the board of control in its
fight with the state normal schools. This
decision, like many other great decisions,
was made by a bare majority of the
court, three justices concurrlng and
two dissenting. By this action the state
university ana the state normal schools
are classed as either penal of charitable
institutions
1t is a hard blow to the dignity OIL
those who have been under the impress
sion that they were at the head of eGu-
cational institutions, to be told by the
highest authority of the state that they
are but the dispensers of intellectual
charity or the managers of houses OF
popular correction. No doubt the ma
jOrity of the supreme court took the
broad ground that all ignorance is evil
and that to dispense knowledge is ar act
of charity. If this be the ground upon
which the decision was based we can
have no quarrel with the court In fact,
T e G b e has maintained a strict
neutrality as to this board of control
fight from the beginning. 1t was not
our funeral The Democrats of the state
were. neither mourners at the funeral,
nor heirs expectant of the DOODLE The
law creating the board was a Republican
measure, designed to provide offices FOR
party henchmen. T he Globe has al
ways maintained that the only way to
settle the controversy was by an appeal
to the court-this has been done
Whether a board of control is a good
thing experience alone will determine.
If the supervision be efficient and hon
est it will be a credit to the state; II
otherwise it will be a disgrace to the
state and menace to the success Of the
institutions under it. AS a general prop
osition, the more politics there is in
the state institutions the worse off they
are