The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1902-05-23
have to- put up, with beefess onions.''
.Pittsburg Chronic le- Telegraph, VII

! + \ school girl in Delaware recently
wrote IN. essay on. Hawthorne. in which
She said: AT the age of So
Hawthorne, married and took his wife
to the old manse." The day after the
commencement two of the village women
them remarked:
Wasn't it awful that AIaude SHOULD
say such d. thing in her essay?'
Her friend inquired what she alluded
why, she said at the, age of 80
Hawthorne married and took his wife
to the old MANS"
"A pale, nervous. young man; came into
the grocery with his baby on one arm
and a kerosene can on the other, says
Lippincott's. He set the can on the
counter, and. said gently: ''Sit there a
moment, dear then, holding the baby
Of kerosene in this. please"
! -:O:-
81 have three passengers on my car
| who refuse to pay fare or give trans
fers," explained the Washington conduct
or to the solemn-faced man with the
black bag under his arm. Zone of them
calls the other two Mr.. Pence and Mr..
Cash. and they refer to him as Mr..
Bond Now, since this Money case came
| UP, L QOnL KNOW WHAT u ~. " nat
would you advise?"
'Sir,'' answered the gentleman with
the solemn face and the black bag of doc
uments, Il should advise that you con-
suit a lawyer. I am musician. BAL
timore American.
England" said the gentleman who
was leaving a we'll defined trail of his in
the wake of his remarks, ''is the mother
| al lo s,>k@
rupted the gentleman with the chin
whiskers, "but America is the father-in-
| law country, all right enough. Judge.
| Congressional visitors to Secretary
Root say he is the most uncommunica-
tive as we'll as the coldest-blooded man
ON earth.
One of the House contingent came
bustling into the secretary's office one
then Mr.. Root came out:
Pine day, Mr. Root said the repre-
sentative, thinking to be pleasant at the
start.
is it:'' asked Root Jelly, and the rep
resentative left without saying another
word.
II feel presentiment," said the shad
as he passed up the river, "that some
thing terrible is going to happen to me"
'Ah"' replied the sturgeon; "a vague
presentiment, eh?''
Vague nothing. Why, I feel it in my
bones. "-Philadelphia Press.
An American woman, belonging to the
nouveau rich, gave vent to a malaprop-
ism recently which is choice in it's hui
NOR. Meeting an acquaintance on the
deck of an outgoing steamer she all
nonnced. with great eclat, that she was
goin~ abroad to have the dear girls (he1
two daughters portraits painted.
why, not in American queIied the
| acquaintance.
ooh. I've tried all the American artists
in vain. Now. we're going over to see
what the old masters can do
| Casey's Truism.-Dennis-'T tn ear
ly bur-rd gets tn wur-rm. Misther Ca
sey? Casey-'Tis thot If We wa-ant to
keep we're head above wather these days,
We ca-ant let tn grass grow under we're
feet, Misther Dinnis.-Detroit Free
Press.
Once when dining quite by chance with
DR.. Creighton, the late Bishop of Lon.
don, at a certain club, Lord Rosebery re.
marked: "Ah! my lord bishop, what q
nuisance this dining is! Two things 1 alb.
solutely. dread-a long dinner and long
sermon! l think that a sermon and q
dinner, however good either may be-
ought never to last more than a quarter
of all hour, or twenty minutes at the
most"
''Well, WE'LL" said DR.. Creighton, mus
ingly, "cOuld we not arrange matters this
way, my lord? Knock, say, ten minutes
off the. sermon, and put it on to the
dinner."-From "Men Of the Moment"
Church-When you see fellow in ar
automobile with a fur coat, fur gloves
a mask over his eyes and nose, and :
leather cap, what would you say?
Gotham-Why, I would say he wa.
dressed to kill.-Yonkers Statesman.
Mrs. Branigan-Shure, OF was buyin
a shpring shirtwaist Chuesday. Och
thim's great invintions, thin shlidin
shtaircases they hove at the departmin1
shtores.
Mrs. Cassidy Critically Shure, bu,
they hove their faults. Oh wint up
shtairs Oh wan av thin foine enough, to-
day, but whin Oh troied to come back
down on it, arrah! OF had to all but run
the ligs off av me.-Judge.
i What the world needs to make it hap
py is the sustaining philosophy of til,
Georgia man who exclaimed, when tn,
| Dduh 1G1lcu, LINK the LOTO, / 03Ve]
had dollar ahead in my life!"-Atlant:
Constitution.
A Western lawyer, who was fond OF
fiowery language, began a speech, not
long ago, with the words:
May it please the court, it is written
in the magnificent book of nature"
But thereon the judge. who believed
that chapter and verse should be given
for every legal authority cited in his
court. interrupted with:
"On what page of the book is that
written?'
Teddy-Pa!
Pa-Yes, dear.
Teddy-May ask a question?
Pa-Certainly, Teddy
Teddy-Where's the wind when it don't
blow?
He was from the Sunny South, anc
he was visiting a gentleman in this vi
cinity:. One day they crossed the rive,