News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1902-07-09
CHAMP CLARK STORIES
Representatives, Impress
ed by Senatorial Dignity.


the Conscript Fathers-Some Choice
Examples Recalled - Senator Haw-
ley Questioned by Two Little Girls.
Tilt Between Two Impoverished
the Constitution - Why Heard
Would Not Vote to Raise Salaries.
copyright, 1902, by Champ Clark
AS naturally as duck takes to wa
ter representatives fall into the habit
of spinning yarns about senators, espe-
cially about the great dignity Of bear
ing of the conscript fathers.
Landis' Anecdote About HawIey.
In January, 1901, when there were
SO many deadlocks in state Legislatures
in the endeavor to elect senators of
the United States, Charley Lands of
Indiana told me this: "Some time ago
two little girls were strolling through
the capitol to see the sights. Finally
they reached the big doors of the SEN
ate chamber and started to go in, but
one Of the assistant dOOrkeepers stop
ped them. Still they fingered near till
that particular doorkeeper vacated his
post. About that time General Joseph
r. Hawley, senator from Connecticut,
came through the big doors out of the
senate chamber and happened to stop
near the doorkeeper's chair to light
cigar. The little girls espied him and,
attracted by his kindly face, sided
up to him, and one of them astOnished
him by asking, Mister, how much
does it cost to get into the senator"
Judge Fuckers Story.
Hon. w. w. Rucker of Missouri, who
was for many years nisi prius judge,
thus describes a tilt which took place
between two lawyers in his court:
"The defendants counsel asked leave
to file an answer in vacation, to which
the plaintiffs counsel objected, and the
court ordered the answer filed at once.
The attorney for the defendant insist
ed that he could not file his answer in
stanter, as his client resided some ten
miles away, and he (the attorney had
forgotten the exact facts he wished to
set up in his pleading, and he appealed
to opposing counsel to agree to extend
the time for him to plead. This was
refused. With agony depicted in his
face, he again pleaded with the court,
saying: Plaintiffs counsel requires an
impossibility of me. He insists that |
file my answer today. He might as
well ask me to make a 3-year-old mule
in minute. 1t can't be done.'"
Humcr In a Brief.
If the average citizen were asked to
name the sort of document least like
ly to contain even trace of humor,
he would hesitate between a lawyers
brief and a funeral grafton. Yet all
briefs are not as dry as powder mag
aZine. In his brief in the st. Louis
court of appeals in the case of the es-
tate of Susan E. Houston versus the
estate of John A. Thompson which
has been in litigation since 1881, ex-
Senator Houston w. Johnson, an emf
nent Missouri lawyer, thus exercises
his humorous faculty:
without intending the least disre-
spect to old age, an object always Of
the highest veneration, we beg pardon
for slight reference to the antiquat-
ed or musty condition of the plaintiffs
cause of action. 1t bears on its face
the marks of time, a striking reflex of
advanced years and unmistakable evil
dence Of a ripe old age. 1t has seen
the frosts of many Decembers. 1t is
aged and gray. 1t has enjoyed long,
silent and undisturbed repose scarcely
surpassed by that of the immortal Rip
Van Wrinkle. 1t is an old settler-that
is, it waits till old age to settle. At
the time of it's birth the sponsors,
Susan and 5ohn, were yet in the hey
day and gush of youth, with a vigor-
GUS maturity budding and blossoming
upon their faces. Yet Notwithstanding
they both lived out the time allotted
by divine writ to mortal man and have
been gathered to their fathers, their
mouths closed in death and their poor,
lisping, stammering tongues lie silent
in the grave, the plaintiffs cause of
action appears to survive and seems
to say in the last words of the i'm
mortal Webster, 4 still live,' and aft
er an uninterrupted and unbroken rest
reaching up 10 Wlllln rev weeks or
months of the time allotted to it by
mortal man to live, and after all it's
contemporaries have gone to that |
bourn from whence no traveller has |
ever returned, a new generation upon
the scene of action seeks to accomplish |
that which in its infancy, it's youth, it's |
middle age, it failed to do.
'The propriety of the conduct of |
those who have aroused this antiquat- |
ed sleeper which has been permitted to |
repose until life was almost extinct |
may be reasonably questioned by all |
fair minded, disinterested persons ac- |
quainted with the case, from which |
the conclusion is inevitable that it |
would have been better to have left it |
to the sleep that knows no waking.
oh, Susan; oh, John, had the cruel |
hand of death spared you for only
few months longer it would not have
been thusw
The Ruling Passion.
For several days after the fire at
Wizards hotel in 1901 it was a
theme for conversation in the cloak
roop1 Mr. II Grovac of fba Kansas