The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-08-21
SPOKEN In JEST.

Philadelphia Times: From PottsyiIIe
Pa, comes a story Of an old chap who is
proud to describe himself as the original
anti-expa nsiouist. Soon after the break
ing out of hostiIities with Spain and the
passage of the war revenue act by con-
gress ne began to crate against the new
taxes as an exhibition of federal tyranny
he would froth at the mouth as he de-
nouneed the war tariff and would darby
nlnt at the possibility OF a latter-dav
fatrlck Henry and new awakening of
the people TO a sense of the Injustice 4
severe cold laid him low, and his doctor
IindlnS him asleep one day and thinking
a nttle clustering would do him good
apphed fine large mustard plaster 10
the old fellows back. The burning, sting
ing bite of the heated mustard awoke the
crus5y patient, who rolled over in agony
Tor a minute or two, clapped one hand
behind him, felt the plaster and fran
ucally tearing IL Off reared:
Has IL come 10 this, that an old man
IKE me can't even die peaceably in his
bed without having the government come
along and clap a revenue stamp on him?"
Kansas City Star: When General Sher-
man Was making his famous march to the
sea southern gentleman one morning
came 70 complain of the depredations OF
the Union soldiers Your men robbed
SAID, angrily. I'm very sorry to hear
II, replied Sherman, politely Perhaps
w, we can come TO some arrangement'-
Yes, sir" interrupted the planter eager
" If you would buy the rest of them
III, Inc rest! Do you mean TO say that
you have any Lefty, Yes, sir. Those
had Excuse me, sir" said General
Sherman. There's some mistake here.
someone else robbed your chicken coop.
II it had been my men they would have
cleaned out the whole sixty"
New York Evening Sun: The bow in
the boarding house was at breakfast and
was trying his best 10 eat his egg quick
~, so he could take the only one renain-
ing in the dish before another boarder
who he thought had designs upon it.
coulq appropriate IL lie was a small boy,
much given to using large words AT ran
dom The egg still reposed in the dish
when he was ready TO eat il, so. looking
across the table. he remarked appre-
rs that egg occupied? II it isn't I
should like 10 have it,
.,. The other b9arder snnilingly replied,
hope not. II il is, you are welcome
A new story about the man who died
and went TO heaven is being printed
what did you do on earth to distinguish
yourself? St. Peter asked. The new ar
rival replied; Il was the hero of the
Youngstown flood. A little man had been
standing near, and on hearing that the
new arrival had been the hero of the
Johnstown flood, said, "Oh, hell" The
newcomer was plainly annoyed but
walked out on the golden streets Meet
ing an angel, he engaged him in CONVEX
satioh. and was once again asked what
ne mad done on earth that was particular
" noteworthy to which he again replied
that he was the hero of the JohnstoWn
flood The little man seen at the general
office was lettering around and again
sneered out, ''Oh. hell" when the man
said he was the hero of the Johnstown
HOOD This kept up all afternoon; there
Was considerable curiosity over the new
arrival, and every time he said he WAS
the hero of the Johnstown flood the little
man would say. ooh, he'll" Finally the
was. That, replied one of the angels
lis Noah.''
New York Sun: They were tn-o-one
sober and the other not They entered
famous up town all night restaurant
The sober man ordered poached eggs on
thln toast, and tea. The tipsy one or
dered broiled lobster. a rabbit and ale
and went fast asleep.
his friend grinned, and al the proper
time ate bis eggs and drank his tea With
the broiied lobster thanked by the rabbit
and ale before him, his companion
slept on.
The sober one pulled out a cigar and
finished ii. He called the waiter and or
dered the table cleared of untasted lob
ster, rabbit and ale. Then he walked his
TREND with, Come along. me boy
Where's my lobster and rabbit and
aleZ the sleepy one demanded
had enough tonight Come aIong.'
Ali right, was the response, as the |
sleepy one complacently Waddled out