davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01
Error In Rookkeeplna.

YES" said the head of the firm.
Miss Addie is a good bookkeeper, but
she makes queer mistakes.
What, for instance?" asked the
silent partner.
Well, she enters our messenger
boys wages under the head of run
ming expenses %"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Great Britain has rejected the idea
Of making Mr.. BERTHE ambassador to
the United States and has named Mr..
Herbert instead. Now Mr.. BERTHE sees
what he missed by having a nursery
name.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Friend-Well, Ethel, how do you
like married life2
Ethel (enthusiastically)-It's sim
ply delightful. We've been married
a week and have had eight quarrels,
and / got the best of it every time
Stray Stories.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Mr.. Andrew Carnegie has given a
niece 100000 as a wedding present
AS no conditions to the gift are men
toned. it is assumed that the bride is
not compelled to buy a library with
the million.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

"rhis has been a delightful spring, "
said the visiting stranger TO the Bill.
vile resident.
you bet Il has" was the enthusiasts.
tic reply. "Bily's kilt forty-two rat.
desnakes, an sold The rattles for hfty
cents apiecel"-Atanta Constitution.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01
His own Interpretation.

DO you ever expect to see Hamlet
properly played?" asked the friend.
NO" answered Mr.. Stormington
Barnes, gently; not unless there is
something in this astral body theory
which would enable one to be in two
places at the same time"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01
Too Terrible.

What is your choice of weapoAs?"
asked the duelist.
Automobiles" replied our hero in
ringing tones.
But the challenger, prefering an
easy death, went into the back yard
and shot himself.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Russell Sage has been confined to
his house for a day or two with a cold.
He can console himself for the loss
of time at the Office by remembering
that he has saved car fare.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

A Mormon named Reed Smoot is
trying to get himself elected to the
United States senate from Utah. It
is alleged that he has several wives,
in addition to the name.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01
sRfvsAfveRFveNfv
) The HumOr of Life I
5nza9n M9 naA9 n.Nten nNna.f


a Glfts
my young friend said Senator
Sorghum, you have an exceptional
talent for speechmaking."
yes" c-omplacently replied the
statesman who gets a great deal Of
applause from the galleries. Il feel
justified in saying that oratory is a
gift"
That's what it is. There are
mighty few people who can get paid
for It nowadays"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Mr.. Cleveland first obtained exclu.
aiVe fishing privileges in the waters
surrounding his home at B%uzzard's
Bay. n he can procure a monopoly on
the bait and snake-bite medicine out
put his outlook for an enjoyable va
cation win BE- altogether satisfactory.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01
a Conditional plannoala.

what is the matter with me, doc.
tori"
Il fear you have a severe case OF
cephalalgy" vas the reply.
Great guns. doctor. l can't afford
it,"
"Ohl that's different. It's headache
sam thing. You'll be all right"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Miss Rose Budd was among the
graduates of the Marion. Kan, high
school a few days ago. Let us hope
her fragrance may not be wasted
upon desert air.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01
Infant Prodlnv.

Visitor Ito little Freddy)-Let's see
what you have learned in your school.
Now, can you tell me the difference
between B and c?
Freddy-Thath's eathy. A bee it'll
a inthect, an a thea it'll full of water.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

London is overrun with American
photographers who have gone thither
to take views of the coronation
scenes. Edward will find that getting
crowned is no joke.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

The meat trust has its righteous
uses. A cheap comedian has become
famous by the gag: Come out to
dinner with me, We're going to have
beefsteak."
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

According to a New York announce
ment, Mr.. Morgan has two silent part
ners in his Atlantic steamship trust
Must be the United States and Great
Britain.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Readers of the Bible will remember
that Ezekiel long ago sounded a warn
ing to them that dwell cacelessly in
the isles"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

That New Hampshire man who has
just been identified in Maine, lost his
memory SC completely that he could
not eve tell who his mother-in-law
was.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Mr.. Anonymous is unusually gener-
Gus this yea His latest b~enefaction
is a 100000 laboratory to be built
at Yale.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Lady Gin registry omce)-Have you
ever minded children before7
Nurse-No. mum. but I've made
many a child mind me.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Why is it that we don't hear more
of the Belgian hare as a solution Of
the beef problem? Have all the read
ers unloaded2
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Photographs Of Mont Pelee in erup-
ton demonstrate that the distinguish
ed subject neglected to look pleasant
while sitting for it's picture.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Emperor William is experimenting
with an alcohol pillow on his farm at
Kadinen. He is. however, permitting
somebody else to hold the handles.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

The discovery that horse meat ia
being served on Chicago free lunch
counters is causing one-time patrons.
to say neigh when the sandwiches are
passed.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

The various substitutes for rubber
are useful for almost everything ex-
'cept those purposes for which rubber
is generally used.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

The SOL of a former mayor of st.
Louis has been indicted for ~boodling.
Either the st. Louis boodlers were
very bold or bad bunglers.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

King Alfonso already has a cabinet
crisis on his hands. But he'll get
used to that sort of thing If he lasts
long.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Mont Pelee has done its worst. but
the Fourth {. July is yet to come.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

The czar OF Russia has again discov-
cred that his life insurance policy is
a good Investment.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

The treaty of peace between Chile
and Argentina is a fortunate thing
for Argentina.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Ping-pong is said to be very bad for
the " AT least. It has been OBJ
served that most Of the players have
a bad eye for ping-po9g.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Herr Krupp's faith I'm an approach
Ing millennium of universal peace is
shown in his works.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Amos j. Cummings left an estate
valued at 81 500. He was great as a
Journalist. and must have been hon
est as a congressman.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Russell Sage is up and around again
and probably worrying about the bill
the doctor will be sending in.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Some people, after casting a crust OF
bread upon the waters. think they
should get a bowl OF milk-toast in re-
turn.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

The bore who asks whether It is
hot enough for you is about ready to
make his annual inquiry.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Dealers say that as soon as a Gus
toner tries Defiance Starch It is impos-
sible to sell them any other cold water
starch. It can be used cold OF boiled.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

A poor man with sand sometimes wins
a girl with the rocks.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

"Our sins, says a society woman ARE
like undesirable callers. They always
find ms out.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

A hobby is an idea that goes around
with a frank.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

buy Defiance and get the best. is o.. for
10 cents. Once used, always used.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

Let him not be a lover Who has No.
courage.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

CmnUn REPAIRS or every known make OF
DlOf " stove, furnace or range. n A.
PULLEN, 1881 Lawrence st., Denver, Phone 10.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01

lO.OO0Books on success, hypnotism, mesmerism, heal
ing ,astrology dreams, magic, pelmistry clairv0yauco,
etc. Cat.free. Capt Walrond, 1T2i Ogden,D Denver Colo.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01
Denver Directory.

0XFnRD H0TFI l7s aNS S1RE BTis DEAR
Strictly Erst-class, Popular Prices Oh. Morse. MgE
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-08-01
~BankruptSaIe SAD Ssst 1sI,.' Harness. it11s $

of the Leonard-soheok saddlery co. until July sih.
On July 9th bids will be received ior the entire
stock remaining. Joseph p. Dunn, Trustee, Denver
Omaha daily bee., 1902-10-04
THE WHOLE EAST FUR RUUsEVELr.

The sentiment OF the east, with abso-
Lutte unanlmity, is in favor Of the noml-
nation OF Theodore Roosevelt for the
presidency two years hence. SO far as
appears there is but one opinion among
the republicans of the eastern states and
that is that the leader of the party in
1904 must be Theodore Roosevelt and
that no other mar is to be seriously
thought Of.
Why this is so is perfectly obvious.
The people today. without regard TO
party have absolute confidence In Presi-
lent Roosevelt They see in him a pres
ident who has in mind the welfare and
the interest OF the whole people and not
the advantage Of a party.
There has never been a time I'm
had a more complete and admirable
guardian of their interests than they
have under the present administration.
The whole policy Of the Roosevelt ad-
minlstration has been in the direction
Of promoting the welfare Of the material
and the social interests of the people as
a whole. Every sentiment that he has
expressed has been with reference to
the u%pbuilding and the growth Of the
nation and there is today no n among
our public men who is more powerful
in the expression of sentiment favorable
to a change In conditions necessary to
the improvement Of their material and
social situation than is President Roose-
welt. While he does not favor radical
changes in any direction, but on the con-
trary believes In adhering to the policies
Of his party that have proved beneficial
in the past, he is yet a progressive man
who is not averse to a proper growth
and advancement in those directions
which promise to be of advantage to
the general welfare.
Such considerations make President
Roosevelt the foremost man In the opin-
ion of republicans generally as the
candidate of the party two years hence.
He has, more than any other man at the
present time, a hold upon the esteem
and the confidence Of the country. Every
state republican convention of the year
has unqualihedly endorsed the national
administration and most Of them have
declared in favor Of the nomination Of
Theodore Roosevelt in 1904. Unless the
situation changes in the interval. there
is no doubt that the republican leader
two years from now will be the distin-
guished statesman who is at present the
chief executive of the nation.
Omaha daily bee., 1902-10-04
WHAT PROTECTION MEANS.

The republicans Of Massachusetts, de-
clare in their platform that protection
means high wages and constant employ
ment of labor and I'm a large measure
our phenomenal national prosperity for
the last Ave years." Their platform
adds that this policy should be adhered
to, but changes which the worlds
progress and the interests Of the Amer
lean people may suggest should and will
be made by the republican party when
ever they are Of sufficient importance to
justify the check to business which In
evitably attends any revision of the
tariff"
There could be no better explanation
than this Of the attitude of the repub-
lican party in regard to the tariff ques-
lion. That party has never been and is
not today welded to any particular
schedule or special rates. Repeatedly it
has changed the tariff and it will do so
again when circumstances seem to re-
quire or justify a change. But it will
always do 81 with reference to main
tanning the policy of protection. 1t is
In this respect that the republican party
differs from the democracy, the latter
demanding the abandonment of prOtec-
ton, which means not only destruction
OF our industries, but also disaster to
American labor.
The republicans Of Massachusetts,
voice the general sentiment of the
party when they say that changes in
the tarin "can only be made success.
fully and with the least possible injury
to business by the republican party and
in accordance with the principle of pro
lection" That is the absolutely sound
position which ought to be recognized
by everybody who is at all familiar with
the tariff question. The American PEG.
pie have had an experience with demo.
cratic tariff tinkering and 1t would seem
that they do not want another lesson.
Omaha daily bee., 1902-10-04

selves subordinating their duties as
bankers to their speculative schemes as
promoters, and hat too many OF the
recent gigantic mergers and combina-
lions are at bottom merely stock-jobbing
schemes to unload inflated securities
upon the public. With many Of the
great bankers Of New York heels over
head in these schemes. 1t is preposterous
to suppose that they would properly act
as a conservative force upon a specu-
lative movement in which they them
selves plotted to reap great gains.
The market has broken under the
feet Of the spectators and stock jObbers.
Why should the national treasury be put
at their service simply because their
schemes have failed? What better claim
thereto have the operators in Wall street
than the operators on the Chicago Board
of Trade when a squeeze occurs? The
simple fact that Wall street, by
squealing loud enough, can have the
treasury keys turned is itself an en-
enlargement to overspeculation. No
more wholesome lesson, either as a mat
ter of business or of good government,
could be taught the stock exchange than
for the treasury to stand aloof from
1t and to let the spectators know that
when they get into a scrape they will
have to get out of it, the same as other
people have to do, the best way they
can.
Omaha daily bee., 1902-10-04
lMPlE

When that political desperado, VIII
liam J.. Broatch, leaped into the saddle
as police commissioner everybody ia
miliar with his public career knew that
the Mercer-Baldwin board would shrink
at nothing short of political burglary.
Within three days after Broatch had
placed his hand On the throttle the work
Of police Generalization and degradation
had begun.
The first act under the leadership of
Broatch was the reappointment of the
most disreputable and the most discred-
tied officer that had ever held a position
on the police force to a captaincy. No
body knew better than Broatch that
Henry p. Haze had been dismissed from
the service for s%candalous conduct that
should forever have barred him from
any place in the police department. The
charges of fragrant misbehavior for
which Captain Haze had beer dismissed
did not rest on merely one or two in
stances Of dishonorable conduct, but con-
stituted a repetition of offenses too rank
oAhAOob " ACoNAADC III q hCWbpupCLs
Following up this shameless abuse Of
power the Mercer-Broatch board ap-
pointed George b. Stryker as special de-
tective on the police force In the face of
the fact that Stryker had been dishon-
orably dismissed by the county ommis-
sioners for questionable practices and
Encouragement as superintendent Of
the county poor farm.
Nobody familiar with Broatch and his
methods, therefore, had any right to be
surprised at the attempt to reverse the
judgment Of a former board for the ben
eft Of former Police Captain Cox, who
had been tried, convicted and dismissed
on the charge of cowardice, affirmed by
the district court after a full hearing.
According to City Attorney Council, the
Mercer-Baldwin Broatch board had no
legal right to take any action in the mat
ter and its intrusion into the case is cal
culated to complicate matters and lay
the foundation for further legal proceed
ings against the city by Cox and his at
torneys, who doubtless have taken the
case on a contingent fee.
The Cox incident only emphasizes the
imperious demand for home rule. A
board responsible to the taxpaying citi-
zens of Omaha would not dare defy pub
lie sentiment by reckless disregard of
ommOn decency. nor would it reck-
lessly squander money contributed by
the taxpayers for police protection.
Omaha daily bee., 1902-10-04
WELCOME TO ALL OF 1T.
Nearly Three Billion Dollars Paid to
Veterans Of the War.

A(aROAA2
since the Inauguration of the limited
States government in its present form
nearly three billions OF dollars Ito he
exact 1882. 500 .O19) have been distributed
In pensions to soldiers, to their widows
and their children. This does not include
the millions expended in establishing SOL
diers' homes where aged and innrm vet
Grams are cared for by the nation.
or this vast sum more than two and
~tnree-quarter billions are c~hargeable to
the war OF the rebellion and the Times
voices the general sentiment in saying
mat not one penny Of the vast sum is be-
grudged by the money makers of the
United states. Better even that the few
hundreds OF thousands, or even the few
millions OF dollars that have been paid TO
fraudulent claimants should nave been
thus dispersed than that any considerable
NUMBER or needy veterans should have
been deprived Of what was their due.
II should be also insisted that any OBJ
~tections against the increased payment Of
pensions by citizens OF the United States
do not obtain as against the needy and
worthy soldiers Of the civil or OF any
other war, their widows mot remarried)
or their INDECENT children.
h time is fast approaching when the
pension rolls will be materially lessened.
but that time is not yet. 1t should be re-
membered, FIRST. that a very large incre-
ment is due TO the Spanish-American war
and second, that there are still living
tens Of thousands OF soldiers Of the civil
war who, up to date. have been able to
support themselves, who came out Of the
army bronzed, rugged athletes and who
would not have thought Of accepting the
governments bounty until now when old
age and its inirmities, confront them.
These are the men who. above all others.
deserve the nations thanks and the ma
tons aid. They were the most effective
soldiers while the war lasted, they kye
been most worthy citizens throughout the
generation that has succeeded.
II there is a man who begrudges the old
soldier his relatively small allowance that
man must haye in his morals something
equivalent to the miasma that, when II
inoculates the physical system. changes
the point Of view and makes pessimistic.
natures naturally CHEEKY and hopeful
Omaha daily bee., 1902-10-04


Chicago Tribune: "These men are so for
getful. Your husband has been away
nearly a week and l suppose you have not
had the scratch of a pen from him."
The scratch of a pen? l. haven't even
had the vibration of a thought from himl"
Philadelphia Press: Deacon Snow-Does I
un'erstan', parson, dat yo' optnionate dat
Adam wuz a colored man?
Parson J~ohnsing-Yo' diagnose nah Views
Deacon Snow-Den s'pose yo' low dat
dat apple wuz in reality a watamillion.
Baltimore American; Let me sell you .
watch dog" suggests the dealer.
II believe not" says the long-haired gem
tleman, who holds the door aJar with a
hand that is ~ink-spotted. 81 believe not.
We keep the wolf at the door nearly all the
~ hI ma HaHt
Chicago Tribune: Don't You sometimes
have thoughts asked the Soulful Young
Thing, that are absolutely unutterable7"
sometimes, when / am digging for a rhyme
that won't come, / have thoughts that are
absolutely unprintable."
be married? Not you, surely?
~rowne-O no! It's my barber; but I'm
u be congratulated Just the same.
Towne-Because of his engagement
Browne-Yes. You see, he's stopped eat
ing onions now.
Baltimore American: Here, landlord
cried the patron. Here is a cockroach in
my coffee"
The landlord hustled to his side. inspected
the cockroach critically, then moved to-
ward the kitchen, muttering:
III discharge that cook on the instant.
| have told him time and again to remove
the cockroaches from the coffee before It is
Omaha daily bee., 1902-10-04
DRIFT.

-
Tom johnson realizes that he hasn't much
Of a show in Ohio, yet declines to ship bis
circus to Nebraska
"Lauchin' and appertainin' to- one Dew
cry It is evident from the accounts that
the country Holsters" at Dave Hills con-
vention are mighty skillful and vigorous
in applying the boot. That Is why Devery
few when ordered but.
Congressman schley Of Pennsylvania, who
tobogganed into the republican camp meet
ing not loLg ago, resents an ofhcial well
come rendered him in the form Of a cam
paign assessment. lie was pulled for $1,000
and set up a calamity roar.
There will be one lonesome democrat
in the state senate Of Maine when that
body meets. He will doubtless achieve the
notoriety Of excluslveness, as did "Dono-
van Of Bay" who held q like post in the
Michigan legislature a few years ago.
The tussle for supremacy in Montana
between Clark and Heinze insures an unin-
%terrupted season OF prosperity for the
"heelers." Clark and Heinze are we'll
heeled as well as liberal spenders and may
succeed in getting all able-bodied voters
on their p~ayrolls.
The oldest man elected to the Vermont
general assembly is Arnold Ban of East
Haven, Jacksonian democrat, aged 7S. The
youngest is Harmon E. Eddy Of stratton,
republican, aged Fl. Legislator-elect VIII
liam Tudor Of Somerset is the father Of
Legislator-elect John Tudor of Stamford.
The prohibitionists Of Indiana are trying
to pledge $4,000 men in the state to vote
their ticket at the November election and.
It is said, have already secured the names
Of half that number, divided about equally
between former supporters Of the repub-
lican and democratic tickets and policies.
George r. Sheldon. the banker who was
originally slated for lieutenant governor
on the New York republican state ticket
and subsequently turned down, thought
he had such a sure thing that he had man
ufactured 200, 900 "Odell and Sheldon" but
tons. for which he paid cash in advance.
Most OF the buttons were shoveled into a
furnace, a few being saved as mementos.
Dennis Mulvihill, the workingman mayor
Of Bridgeport, Conn, has given so much
satisfaction to those who elected him that
they are endeavoring to secure his nomina-
tion as sheriff OF his county. His selection
as a candidate for that ONCE probably
would be equivalent to election. The place
has always been slated as worth $40, 900 q
year and the sheriff has a four-year term.
There are two candidates named Brown
on the republican state ticket in Pennsyl-
vania. One is the nominee for lieutenant
governor, william NJ. Brown. He has been
a state senator and is a special agent in
the United States land office. Isaac b.
Brown. the nominee for secretary Of in
ternal revenue affairs, represented Erie
county in the legislature for three terms
and then became a clerk in the depart
ment OF internal affairs. He has been
deputy secretary for two terms.