Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-02-13

did she call you'-Yonkers Statesman.
Snapshot Opinion.-N ed-Clara says
you are IL perfect gentleman. Fred
Why. she doesn't know me! Ned
That's what told her.-Smart Set.
Suggestion Promptly Adopted.-Can-
vasser-Don't let me disturb you, sir
- Busy Merchant-I won't. Will
lam, show tn. gentleman out.-Chica-
so Tribune.
why is it that powder factories pay
such high wages because the em-
ployes are likely at any moment to be
blown UP and thrown out of employ
ment. New York Sun
waiter, | find ! have just enough
money to pay for the dinner but |
have nothing in the way of tip for
yourself" Let me add up the bill
again, sir. '-Moonshne.
A Observation-Disclosures perfectly
your frock fits. dear, thought you
college girls scared above such tritles.
Hypatia-Oh, no! We believe in the
survival of the best titted.-Life.
Dscreet.-.Jay AYES. sir; when was
in New York sharper robbed me Of
fifty dollars. Hay-Why didn't you call
Il policeman! Jay-Well. | thought
fifty dollars was enough
Press.
Observation-Disclosures ito prisoner
Have you any visible means of sup
port? Prisoner-Yes. sir. your honor.
TO his wife laundress,- Bridget.
stand up so that the coort kin see yez.
lit Bits
After the Weddipg.-T Countess
You've no idea how embarrassed the
count was when he proposed to me-.
The Dear Friend-l heard it took con-
siderable of your fathers money to
pay his debts.-Judge.
Sage Advice: Manageable careful
not to make the plot of your novel too
complicated. Author-Why not? Man
ager-Well, yOn know before it Is
dramatiZed the plot will all have to be
taken out of it.-Judge.
Gentlemen. you don't know how to
make love-! sneered the Gentleman Of
the Old School. NO" laughed the
Gentleman of the New School: IL leave
all that to the women! | have need
only to make money!'-Life.
Il throw myself upon your mercy"
sobbed the hundred pound heroine.
The villa n sank beneath her weight.
II now realize" he murmured. what
is meant by the power behind the
thrown -Philndelphia Press.
ut ism well to be too quick at solv-
ing Il conund UNI" NO" mo; once
tried to find out what was the differ
ence between Il man and his wife fight
ing on the street. and they didn't do a
thing to me. ; Philadelphia Record.
In Spirit Land.--lm glad I'm dead
said the shade of George Washington
to the wrath of Benjamin Franklin.
"Why. my linsc?' "lf We're alive.
they might court martial me for COM
polling CORVALLIS to surrender.
Town Topics
Excited Citizen-I want man ar
rested right away! I've been assault
ed. and wasn't doing thing but
walking along the street in quiet. or
derby ana 'n)ffensive manner. and
whstling. Justice Um-er-wh tune
We're yoI wh'stlirg?
"Henry. how is the plot Of that sea
novel runnng?" well. just at this
chapter there is terrible storm, and
the passengers are afraid the boat will
go to the top" "You mean to the bot
tom" mo; this is submarine boat"
philadelphia Record.
Gifts SHOULD be accepted thankfully
but not 100 cu-lOusly An amateur poet
found himself in sad quandary. Il
don't know what to think" he said;
last year on my birthday Ella gave
me Il pen I'll to write poems with, and
this year she has given me silver
mounted eraser"
Ordinary Tears.-Old Gentleman
Why do you shed such bitter tears. my
boy? Boston Child tpausing In his
lciTSD- htuIIN, tuII HOt CoIScINc tudt
my tears differ as to their brackish
quality from other lachrymose ennis
sions | have never heard of sacchar-
inc tears. Philadelphia Press.
How He Works It.--Jones-How on
earth does Bluffem manage to get
credit for his clothes at that swell tai
lor's? BrOwn-The tailor found Out
that he lived at the Hotel Magnificent
Jones-But how does he manage to
carry it off with the hotel people
Brown suppose they judge him by
his clothes.-Tit-B Bits.
Him." exclaimed Mr.. Goldie, after
reading his morning post, that boys
college education Is making him toe
smart" whats the matter?" asked
Mrs. GOldie Il wrote to him the other
day that | thought 1t would be kinder
for me not to remit the check he asked
for. Now he writes: Dear Father
shall never forget your unremittins
kindness. Tit Bits.
They were dining at the hotel where
they have music and had reached that
part of thu repast when the preserve s
49, ss,u ,bn