davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-08-24
MODERN FABLES
Modern Fable of Eugene Who Walked the Length of the Counter Before Making His Selection
BY GEORGE ADE-cOpyrght 1902 by Robert

and sit in it every Evening read ing aloud to a tall-browed Help meet He wrote several Essays on Women and sprung them on the Pythagorean Literary Society. He said that every Maverick who was cow-trailing around over the Sand-Lots of this dreary Life had an Affinity concealed somewhere in the Brush and the Game was to hunt her up and then stick to her like Spalding's Glue. He al- lowed that he real Girline Charms did not depend upon Frizzes and Make-Up. Eugene was strong for the Beauty of Soul which would wear for Years and look just as well on one Side as on the Other.
 When he graduated he was keen to do the Library Act with the cogitatiye Co-Ed. Upon search ing himself he found that his As sets consisted of a hand-worked Diploma, a few Dance Pro grammes and a Badge of the Oota Bazoota Frat. He decided to cut out the Private Reading Circle until be could see his Way clear to get enough to pay for the License.
 Having settled in the City he gave a busy Imitation of Bright Young Fellow who Is trying to side-step the Potter's Field. At the Boarding House where he coaled there was a Head Waitress who carried Remarkable Shape for one who had to be on her Feet all day. She never had been beyond the 3rd Grade in the Grammer School but when they had Chicken she always slipped Gene the Second Joint and she had his Paper propped up for him when he came to Breakfast. He gave her several long Rides on the Cars and there might have been something doing if Eugene had not had his Salary whooped. He moved into a f1rst-class prune- less Family Hotel and got into the Habit of carrying Money in his Clothes. In the meantime the Co., Ed was off in Minnesota some where, teaching School.
 Around the Hotel there were all Kinds and Eugene, who was now 30 and had mislaid his Diplo- ma, found that he no longer had an uncomfortable Desire to buckle up with those who wore Specs and could tear the lining out of Synthetic Philosophy.
 When he ambled around after Dinner he had his Port Eye out their Algebra together and he
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-08-24

rather rest. I'll be happy tn day I see wan iv tn Hankerbilts pushin ye'er little go-cart up tn platform while ye set in tn shade iv a three an cheer him on his way. Pm sure he'd do it If ye called it a spoort an tol' him tn first man to tn dump wud be entitled to do it over again against stronger men nex' week. Wud ye give him a tin cup that he cud put his name on? Wud ye, Hinnissy? Pm sure ye wud."
 "Why do they do 1t? asked MT. Hennessy.
 T dinnaw," said MT. Dooley, "onless 1t Is that tn wan great object iv ivry mans life is to get tired enough to sleep. Ivrything seems to be some kind of wurruk. Wurruk is wurruk if ye're paid to do 1t an it's pleasure If ye pay to be allowed to do It."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-08-24

of seats, as to whose liability to re1und the money they have received there may be a question of law.
 MT. Jeffreys, the deuty chairman of committees, called MT. O'Brien to order last week for having expressed his views of a peer in unparliamentary lan- euape. In doing so he was entirely wrong. A member of the house of commons is properly not allowed to use such language in regard to a colleague because, as both are supposed to be pres ent this might lead to breach or the peace MT g4abouchere was once suspend ed for speaking in disrespectful language of a peer. But so convinced was MT Gladstone, then the greatest authority upon the procedure of the house, of the irregularity of this proceeding. that he offered to put down a motion on the sub feet, and to ask for an opportunity for its being discussed. In speaking to Mr. I.abouchere on the matter. he said that such a ruling was contrary to the priv ileges of the house of commons, and he added that in his opinion a member of that house had not only the right to say what he pleased of peer, but also of a judge. The house of lords has no one in the position of the speaker or the chair man of committee who can authoritatively call brother legislator lO LII the matter of language each man is his own law. I have heard peers in debate use words in regard to members of the house of commons which certainly would not be in order if used by one M P. to another. It comes, therefore, to this there is no equality between the two houses What a peer may say of an M. P, and M P. may not say of peer.
 A discussion upon the desirability of cider as a beverage for persons suffering from gout has recently been taking place in the columns of the Lancet. So far, the general opinion seems to be that or dinary rough" cider, fully fermented, and free from sugar. Is practically harm less; while on the other hand, partially fermented sweet cider, or the artificial ly sweetened and areated champagne cider is stated to be positively harmful to those of arthritic tendencies. I im- agine, however, that 1t Is impossible to lay down and hard-and-fast rule upon the question. What Is sauce for the gouty goose Is not always sauce for the arthritic gander, and the only trust worthy test of the suitability of any beverage for those of gouty habit Is the simple one of experience. -lere is only one beverage against which nothing has ever been alleged. But the gouty man is rarely disposed to quench hs thirst with water,
 It is not generally known that Sir Ed ward Carson is excluded by statutory provision from becoming a judge of the high court, a lord justice, or a lord of appeal. His career at the Irish bar dis qualities him for high judicial office in England. If Sir Edward Carson becomes lord chancellor of Ireland Ca post which is practically a rich sinecure) he will be the first appointment to that office from the English bar since Sir Edward Sugden was sent to Dublin by Sir Rob-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-08-24
NCE there was a boy

NCE there was d DOy U About the same that
 0 he shook the Sailor Collar and began to wear Galluses instead of buttoning them to the Waist, he had his first Attack.
 He went of his Feed and moaned in his Sleep. His mother, not suspecting that the Divine Passion could find room to oper- ate in a 90-pounder, thought he had Cholera Infantum. She began to shoot the Pain-Killer into him, but it failed to touch the Spot.
 Little Eugene had gone Mushy on the Lady who taught his Sun day-SchooI Class. She was doing her 35th Lap and had a Husband who led the Choir but these Trifies did not bother the Kid. He had it all cribbed up to kill the Husband in Duel and carry Loved One of to a lonely Island where they could live Crusoe Fashion. He used to send Teacher an occasional Card show ing a couple of fat Pigeons nest ling under a Mess of Spinach and also a little Couplet to the Effect that as sure as the Vine grows round the Stump she was his lit- tie Sugar Lump. He picked her Currants for her and wouldn't take Money for it and he loafed around the Kitchen when she was making her Apple Butter until at last she sent him Home with lit tie Note to his Nav, advising her to put him in heavier hannels and make him drink Sassafras Tea each Night
 Eugene pined away for a couple of Days and then trans ferred his Pollywog Affections to an Old Maid who stood at the General Delivery Window at the Post-Office. He wrote for Seed Catalogues and Terms to Agents so as to have an Ecuse to speak to Angel. She up and married the Station Agent. Eugene had to go out and forget his Sorrow in Baseball and Pull-Away.
 In due Time he went to a Fresh Water College and here he began to yearn for another Kind. It happened that he went out Botan- izing with a slender Co-Ed who wore Nose-Glasses and had an h. tellect that made a Noise like a Dynamo. Frequently they did
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-08-24

horse to keep tn horse in good health. Higgins has no business on a horse an he knows 1t. He was built an idycated f'r a cooper an tn horse don't fit him. Tn nachral way f'r Higgins to ride horse is to set well aft an hang onto tn ears. But he's tol' that's wrong an he's made to set up sthraight an be good fellow an meet tn horse half way. An if tn horse don't run away with Higgins an kill him, he's tol' it's not a good horse an he ought to sell it. An, mind ye, he pays f'r that though can't help raymim- perrin tn man nex' dure firm him used to get tin dollars a week fir tn same job.
 ''Whin he was a young man, Higgins knowed fellow that dhruv four horse fir a brewery They paid him well, but he hated night an wish his parents had made him a cooper an Higgins pitied him, knowin' he cudden't get out a life insurance policy an his wife was scared to death all tn time Now that Higgins has got tn money, he's took tn brew cry mans job with worse horses an him barred firm dhrivin' with more thin wan hand. An does he get anything fir it? On tn con- th'ry, Hinnissy, it sets him back a large forchune. An he says he's havin' a good time an if tn brewery man come along an felt sorry fir him, Higgins wudden't exactly know why.
 Higgins has to sail yacht raymimberin' how he despised tn Swede sailors that used to loaf in tn saloon near his house durin' tn winter; he has to run an au- tymobill which is tn same thing as dhrivin' a throlley car on windy day without pay; he has to play golf which is tn same thing as bein' a postman without da- cint uniform; he has to play ten his which is another wurrud fir batin' a carpet; he has to race horses which is tn same thing as bein' bookmaker with tn chances again ye; he has to go abroad which Is tn same thing as bein' an immigrant; he has to set up late which is tn same thing as bein' a dhrug clerk; an he has to play cards with man that knows how, which is tn same thing as bein' sucker.
 He takes his good times hard, Hinnissy. A rich man at spoort is a kind iv non-union laborer. He
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-08-24
Women Taxpayers.

From the New York Times.
 Henry P. Blackwell says that there are in Boston 1S,50o0 women taxpayers, who last year paid taxes on real estate in that city valued at s15o.00O. OOO but who are not permitted any voice or vote in city affairs" About one-seventh of all the taxes collected in Boston. he adds. are paid by these unrepresented women property owners, while. on the other hand some 66.0O0 men. or more than two- thirds Of the city's present voters, pay no tax whatever-not even the poll taxes for which they are legally liable
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-08-24
Minister Wu,
From the New York Timea.

From the New York Times.
 Chinese Minister wu Ting-Fang has conditionally accepted an invitation from the Central Labor Union to deliver an address at Binshamton on Labor Day. T appreciate highly the friendly spirit that prompted this kind invitation" he writes to the committed. and will en- deavor to see my way clear to accept it. It is specially gratifying to me to find that there are union men who hold such enlightened views of exclusive legislation and l assure you it will be pleasure to meet and address such broad-minded men"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-08-24
~ HARD time tn c M -::s $. ;':: ;::::; nay: :;'' ''',';: S::

dAhD Ilu0 LII " lA\ rich have injyin'
 N\ life," said MT.
 Dooley.
 'I'd thrade with thim," said MT. Hennessy.
 q wud not" said MT. Dooley. "'Tis too much like hard wurruk. If iver got hold iv little mound iv tn money, divvle tn bit iv hardship wud I inflict on mesilf. I'd set on large Turkish sofa an have dancin' girls dancin an a mandolin orchesthree playin' to me. I wudden't move step with out bein' carrid. I'd go to bed with tn lark an get up with tn night watchman. If annywan sug- gested physical exercise to me, I'd give him forty dollars to go away. I'd hire a prize fighter to do me fghtin' f'r me, pedesthreen to do me walkin', a jockey to do me ridin', an a colledge pro-fssor to do me thinkin'. Here I'd set with a naygur fannin' me with osterich IedIuGIS, lOOhln tf 11iy Oot through me stained glass windies on tn rollin' mills, smokin' me good five clint seegar an rejicin' to know how bad ye mus be feelin' ivry time ye think iv me hoorded wealth.
 But that ain't tn way it comes out, Hinnissy. Higgins, tn mill lyionaire, had tn same idee as me whin he was beginnin' to breed money with a dollar he ownded an dollar he took firm some wan that wasn't there at tn time. While he was hammerin' hoops on a bar'l or dhrivin' pegs into a shoe, he'd stop wanst in a while to wipe tn sweat off his brow whin tn boss wasn't lookin' an he'd say to himsilf: If I iver get it, I'll have a man wheel me around on a chair But as his stable grows an he herds large dhroves down to tn bank ivry week, he changes his mind, an whin he's got enough to injye life, as they say, he finds he's up against it. His throubles has just begun. I know in his heart Hig- gins ideel iv luxury is enough buckwheat cakes an a cozy cor ner in a Turkish bath, but he can't enjye it. He mus be up an doin'. An tn on'y things amy wan around him is up an doin' is tn things he used to get paid f'r doin' whin he was young man.
 "Arly in. tn mornin' Higgins has got to be out exercisin'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-08-24

you pay for your fun in a police court. The only value of this kind of diversion is in its reflex influence upon the person who fndulges in it This he can experi- ence with greater fullness and satisfac- tion If, when his internal pressure ex- ceeds the weighting of his moral safety valve. he will go off by himself and, well perhaps the best thing he can do then Is to reflect whether 1t is worth while to swear at all.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-08-24
The Rush Is On.

At our removal sale. To avoid moving our large stock we sell regardless of cost. This weeks speciarties, Diamonds and Watches. J Lowinshon, 2O0S First avenue. After October l. 1921 Second avenue. 8a1-thu-su-ws-st
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-08-24

If you will need a stove or range, or anything in my line, it will pay you to wait until l open my new place on Fourth avenue. Look for announcement. s. spiro.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-08-24

For con ntinued good roads vote for Col. J. F. B. Jack son.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-08-24

of seats, as to whose liability to refund the money they have received there may be a question of law.
Idaho County free press. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho Territory) 1886-current, 1902-03-27
NOTICE OLE FoRFEITuRE.

70 Thomas MeAvoy, his heirs ana ASSIGNS,
You are hereby notified that tue unueisiensu
and Johp Clark, your co-owners IN the us, T.,
seribed quartz mining claims; nave & aar Iao'
mo , bnndred dollars tsi0o.0o on the Gold Bnli
lon No. aud one hundred dollars ls,oo,uI,, on
~ ,un roid puiIion No. quartz mining cialms,
each Situated in the RobSni inns notcss
IN inaiiu W ranar',ed in the Office of the recorder
o said county Record s9e e,aIs II rafss m es ana
%, ~ IA ". aiaims under the provisions oi sec,
ton 1891 Of the Revised statutes Q, 'nv
Isnnary 92, 1850 being the amounts 81
required TO hold each o. saaa ,an and If within
ngp nnets DAYS after the publication hereof you
fail TO contribute your pfopot.iona u ,,.rs ana
andit,re ~, namely, twenty-five d.HSs ana
y ysu ntsrss. IL 81 esse sse q, %nder ss
eiaInss VIZ ,,,r 90 owner who has made the re.
aeSaps sssa saaa 10 ee To
saiu M ,ar...t In each of said claims fouf IN
ierest onetysli,h ii2 y nalion Gp,a fais No 10
ana one e'A'' r. X. MccLELLAND.
Idaho County free press. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho Territory) 1886-current, 1902-03-27
NOTICE OF APPLICATION TO APPLY foh
FERRY LICENSE.

To whom Il may concern: ,.,,ad
Notice is hereby given that the unnetsi uns 49, ",
In accordance with section lle5, heViseu s..' a.
utes OF the State Of Idaho, VIII apps :" t.nr ,nr
Honorable Board of Commissioner IN anu 70
Idaho County state of Idaho. at regnia,, Ne. sc,
sion thereof commencing on the second nnont mon
day in April, 1869, at tue Court House as of
Idaho, in said county: That ut shiu session session.. "a "A
said Board. at said place. the unders'Sneu .rr
will apply 20 said Board, ut tne ash hdu day
of O'clock p. NJ. on the ioth .a, ia,
of April 1902, for authority ,sa 70 sneo ~
and place a public ferry for the pnrpose, ~. ~.
crossing the main Salmon river NJ OF nea, az,
point where the steel aud wooden hr,age sp" l,aie
said salmon river in Idaho county on tlle d s's,
wagon road running between Florence al'u ,,net 20
sort in said county: and to charge anu eolle., ~
toll Of all persons crossing said .e,fy iy,, a st
be erected under said application; nnu nnu.ra,.ble
said time aud place apply to SAID ,ot ,nIl
Board 10 ax and establish the rates oi suen ~,
TO be charged by the undersigned ~ \ ,,na,.I
said ferry, when erected and licensed u'''s'
said application.
Dated March 9th, 1902 = c.trTu
Applicant
Idaho County free press. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho Territory) 1886-current, 1902-03-27
The M. & M. Cash Store
LEVI MAoEE

The board of county commission
ers of Lemhi county are running
a half-page advertisement in the
Butte Miner and other papers set
ting forth the merits Of the Salmon
City route to Thunder Mountain.
If such a plan we're adopted by the
commissioners of Idaho county
what roar there would be, and
how fast and thick the injuctions
would issue. Yet advertising is
the life Of trade in county business
as it is in private business.
John Nevin has purchased the
general merchandise business es-
tablished and owned bw Josh
Fockler at Freedom, and has Or
dered a largely increased stock for
the purpose of supplying the de-.
mand entailed by the rush to Thun-
der Mountain over the Salmon
river Sunshine" route. Mr.. Neyin
has proven himself . competent
business man, and will undoubt-
edly do well at his new stand,
which has always done q good
business.
| King Edward Of England is
visiting Grangeville this week at
the Phanthoscope Theater. Other
scenes are the Bombarding Of the
Taku Forts, Buck Dance on =
! Missipp: Flatboat, Falls of the
/ Rhine, Ladies Wrestling Match,
Etc. Show starts at every We'd
nesday and Saturday evening.
Admission 10 cents.
G. B. Knorr purchased Tuesday
the 800 acres west Of town owned
by Chas. Rentz, paying Tor a ~
sum Of $4,000. The property a.
Il joins Mr.. Knorr's houe plope a.
j lis very cheap At tho price Z!
l,ldeal was made thrpnG ss
Lacey. .. e.;
Idaho County free press. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho Territory) 1886-current, 1902-03-27
A Rush
To Thunder Mountain


and adjacent camps is assured. A
rush at the M. & NJ. Cash Store is
natural consequences. We have
replenished our Stock of Miners
Supplies to accommodates the peo-
pie. Picks, Shovels, Steel and
other Hardware. Evaporated Po-
tatoes. Onions and Fruits; Beef
and Vegetable Tablets, Extract of
Beef, and other specialties, in ad-
dition to our Regular line Of sta
pies. We are daily outftting peo-
pie for the mountains. Fall in line
and be with the Crush. - Our
prices are right and we will treat
you right. Travellers and custom
ers are invited to make our store
their headquarters.
Idaho County free press. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho Territory) 1886-current, 1902-03-27

NJ. NJ. S. Yard and Poultry
fence is the only kind that is prac-
tical, it cost you 20 to Az per cent
less than any others. We are sole
agents, II. & H. Hardware Go.
Idaho County free press. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho Territory) 1886-current, 1902-03-27

At Denver Easter services VIII
be held Sunday evening in the fres-
byterian church. Sunday schooi as
usual in the morning, but there
will be no preaching at that Tune
Idaho County free press. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho Territory) 1886-current, 1902-03-27

w. w. Parsons of Pasadena,
CAL, general secretary of the Y.
NJ. G. A., will be in Grangeville
Friday of this week to remain until
next Tuesday and work in the in
terests of the Grangeville associa-
tion. Sunday morning Mr.. Par
sons will speak at the regular SER
vice at the Baptist church at IL
o'clock, and at 7:30 p. m. special
services will be held at the Presby-
terian church. The public is cor
daily invited to attend these SER
vices. Men are especially invited,
as the y. NJ. G. A. work interests
them more directly.
Matt. Gilbert received lette,
from Seattle Monday wherein il
was reported that L. n. Taylor,
who was deputy mineral surveyor
in Buffalo Hump up to the time o
his departure last fall, had com
mitted suicide a month ago by
blowing his head off with a sticl
of dynamite.
Jos. Pfeufer and family lef
! Tuesday for Seattle, where the.
will remain for awhile to enjoy
well-earned vacation. Mr.. Pfeufe
will return in three weeks, but til
| family will sojourn at the Qlee
! city for as many months.
Idaho County free press. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho Territory) 1886-current, 1902-03-27
VILLAGE ELECTION.
New Board of Trustees to Be
Elected Next Tuesday.

A mass meeting of the citizens
was held here last Thursday for
the purpose of selecting a ticket of
five persons tu be elected at the
forthcoming village election on
April to serve as village trustees
for the ensuing year Sixteen cit
liens were placed in nomination,
and after the votes were counted it
was found that the old board were
renominated with the exception Of
James Edwards, who was succeeded
by Fred White. This ticket was
certified to the clerk under the
title OF the Citizens ticket.
The following day another ticket
under the title of the Taxpayers
ticket was certified to the clerk, SO
that voters will have nine names
to select from. Following is the
personnel of the two tickets:
CITIZENS TICKET.
w. w. Brown.
S. +. Bibby.
Geo. x Reed.
Geo. ID. Smith.
Fred White.
TAXPAYERS TICKET.
A. ID. Foster.
Fred White.
Walter Hickerson.
VIM. Ingram.
In the absence of any platform
or declaration OF principles thu
election seems to resolve itself into
contest for personal popularity
and there is therefore no occasion
for any strife in the matter.
Idaho County free press. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho Territory) 1886-current, 1902-03-27

Ex-sheriff John. +. Mclean ar
rived from his winters vacation at
his old Indiana home last Saturday
looking wonderfully improved by
the trip. He reports a good deal
of inquiry in southern Indiana
about the northwest and consider
able immigration from that part of
Hoosierdom into Oregon ana
Washington, but none at all into
Idaho, as this section has the rep
utation Of being too cold for COM
fort. He disabnscd the minds OF
all his neighbors OF this erroneous
impression aud he thinks that a
good many of them will take his
advice and come out to this prairie
and see for themselves that it has
been misrepresented. 81 have
been riding all over the state on
macadam roabs all winter, and
must have covered nearly thou
sand miles in rubber-tired vehicles,
and l haven't got used to the mud
up here yet" said he to the. FREE
Press, shut | am in no rush tc
sell my ranch, and am glad to gel
back to my old friends in Gods
own country"
Geo. Overfield arrived from New
York Monday, where he had spen
the winter. He was accompanies
by his brother, John S. Overfield
an architect and builder of New
York city, who may decide to 10
cate here permanently in the prae
tice of his profession.