The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1902-09-11

isin'lookin' dark cloud over toward
the western horizon.
'Jizzerin' jacksnipe!" says old 81.
| There's the storm I've been wantin'
to try my battery on. I'll have to
hustle home.
They do say it took Sis mare
three weeks to recover from the lar
rupin' she got on the way home. 81
druv her straight to the hilltop,
where he had his guns planted,
| jumped out, lit match, and in less'n
half d minute he was pluggin' away
at them clouds as fast as he could
get from gun to gun.
None too soon, either. They were
very full of business, them clouds
that 'labez witched up with his
weather guns, and before 81 could
puncture 'em some of the rain and
hail FELL on his grapes.
Not enough to do any harm,
though says 81. BY the Great Bob
Tailed Straddlebug,' says he-Si prid
ed himself on his command of new
cuss words, whether diagonal,
straight or llitty-cornered-'tha
grand invention, that cloud buster of
mine. i'll write a letter to the Buck
| aloo County Whooperloo,' he says,
in praise of the United States agger-
cultural department, right now. And
while I'm doin' it, he says, III watch
out for more storms, for that one
come up mighty quick
over on his hilltop Uncle Jabez
Boneset was mighty Disguised be-
cause the rainstorm he'd coniured up
never reached the hum plate. Natur-
ally, he heard Sis battery operatin',
but he didn't figure on tibet amount
in to anything.
'Thet old perrynoyack," says he,
usin' ii word which he'd just dug out
of a medical work, he's probably out
shootin' mosquitoes instead of poi
sonin' 'em to death with kay-rosene,
which is the progressive way. I'm
sorry for him. he says. Tomorrow
I'll git UP rainstorm that'll discour-
age his shootin' and save him pow
der
so next day he loaded up and per-
duced an able-bodied cloud which 81
Beetle on his hill immejitly perfor-
ated. Uncle Jabez tried another. 81
made Il bull's-eye.
Uncle Jabez banged out two
storms, northwest and southwest.
81 did a double-barrelled trick and
both of 'em died inside the bound
aries
"Now, you can monkey with ma
ture just so far and then she breaks
loose and rips things, and what hap
peNed this time was that the high
pressure and low pressure got ia
tally mixed, and one able-bodied cy-
clone started down Sis hill and met
another able-bodied cyclone from
Jabezs elevation.
"Bein' unable to remain behind 81
went along with his cyclone and Ja-
bez accompanied his. Talk about
pergessiveness! AS I said before
both of the old men was progressive,
but they never progressed tibet fast
before or since.
First thing either of 'em knew
they was butin' heads like two old
rams in the bottom of the valley.
Then says Jabez Boneset to 81
Beetle:
"'Did you shoot up my storm?'
"'Was tibet your Storm says 81.
1T certainly was says Jabez. 4
brung it to help my melons, he
says. It's twentieth century no.
ton that you'll learn if you live ten
year more, maybe
"An' you never took thought of
my grapes says 81.
"'An old fogy like you got no
business raisin' grapes, says my
Uncle Jabez, unless he knows how
to perfect EN-
"'Then you done it, says Jabez,
very savage.
81 die, thet,' says 81, quite indie
pendent.
"'Ill hand you a corkscrew
punch says Jabez.
"'And I'll lam your solo Pegasus
till you couldn't tell it from a last
years tometter cam says 81.
with that they went at it. The
first pair of cyclones was bad
enough, but they was summer
zephyrs compared with the article
that the combined fightin' powers
of my Uncle Jabez Boneset and old
81 Beetle turned out.
after half an hour of it Jabez
was lynn with his feet in the creek
and 81 was Topped up against tree.
Isl says Jabez, are you licked?'
az dunno says 81. Are your
"'No,' says Jabez; but I'd hate to
be any nearer than l am
$50 would L. says 81. Have you
got any good new, warranted pay
tent liniments that you could recon-
mendT
GIVE got 'em, plenty of EN- says
,Jabez, but l couldn't recommend
'em. What l pine for is some good,
old-fashioned arnicky.
"'And nip of last century's
whisky says 81.
fright you are says Jabez. old
things is best, as the pome has at
This mad race for supremacy is
gettin' too fast for me- he saws.