The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-28
BROKE IN FRISCO.

One of these rainy evenings, pretty
near due now, Pm going to sit down and
write the first few chapters of that book
I've had in mind for a long time past
Towns Eve Been Broke In" remarked
a New Yorker, who is now a sedate and
settled citizen. The information I've
picked up at first hand on this topic
ought TO make readable and instructive
stuff for young fellows possessed Of the
restless spirit.
There are a lot of mean towns in the
Y United States for a man to go broke in.
but for real cragginess and hopelessness
and no-way-out-ness just try going broke
IN San francisco and see how near you'll
get to taking the hop off the pier.
The reason is that it's so hard to break
away from the place. You see, that bunch
OF mountains between San Francisco and
the Mississippi river is there to stay.
You can't walk over 'em, either. It's
. case OF ride when you want to leave Sau
Francisco, and it's a case, likewise, of
paying for your ride. If you don't hap
pen to have the little pasteboard when the
conductor comes around and looks you
in the eye, off you go, and you're pretty
liable to get ditched in a patch of cacti
or a section of sagebrush or a bit of desert
just about 272 miles from nowhere at all
The conductor doesn't care for your
sensibilities at all. Conductors who run
Observation-Disclosures md deserts trains from
San Francisco are real cruel, heartless
persons, SO they are. They don't mind
it'in the least if they have to pass by
your bleaching bones, where they've
dumped you, 365 days in the year.
They're calloused to all that.
you can generally stow away on one
of tho Panama hpatS. hut thap ~ , ACC
of coal-heaving when the purser nails you,
and then you're dumped when you get
down to the isthmus. It's pretty hard
to stow away on one of the up-boats on
the other side of the isthmus. | ought
to know, but that's part OF another narra-
tive.
The last time l found myself broke in
San Francisco was about II years ago.
l don't believe | was ever worse broke
in my life. There came an evening when
l walked along Kearney street with about
the most ~stupendous desire to eat that
I'd ever known up to that hour. Tha
restaurants certainly did look warm and
bright and glowing to me that evening"
Il walked around aimlessly until I
passed the Palace hotel. l looked into
the brilliant cafe of that h~ostelry and saw
chaps lolling back in their places, the glow
of the candles on their faces and the
petals of the roses falling gently to the
tablecloths.
81 think said l to myself, that I
shall take dinner this evening inside here.
The Palace is good enough for me-.
$50 | walked into the cafe of the Pal
ace. l objected to several places the
headwalter picked out for me, thereby
showing that naughty individual that (
knew what was what and gaining his re-
spect from the jump. l told him that [
wanted the right kind of a waiter, and he
picked out the best man on his staff
and sent him to me.
II went through that Palace cafe menu
from soup to nuts, and there weren't any
wines on the card that suited me-. Thas
is, l intimated to the headwaiter, after
%sampling nearly all of the wines, that the
Palace seemed to be pretty shy on good
vintages.
"'Il be within the shelter of the Five
Courts IN something under half an hour,
I reflected with great complaisance when
l had ordered the waiter to bring me three
of the best Reina Nictorias in the house
for a dollar, and had just finished the
last pint of champagne, and stood ready
for the coffee and cognac. But l was
liable to've turned up there sooner or
later, anyhow, and the Five Courts is a
pretty good old sort of jail to strike with
a replete tomach.
The waiter brought me my cognac and
coffee and cigars, and l lit one of the.
reinas and started in to smoke peacefully.
"I s'pose it'll get into the papers, I
unused, about the chap with the iron nerve
who walked into the Palace cafes and
consumed about 1923 worth of solids and
liquids and then cheerfully admitted his
inability to liquidate for the same and,
on the whole, such was the pleasant in
huence OF that swell feed, the contempla-
ton seemed to me to be rather di%verting-
81 was pursuing this thought with alE
OF the ease in life, my waiter meanwhile
standing at a respectful distance, watt
ing for me to ask for my check and toss
him a couple-dollar bill as a tip, when
l noticed a fellow with a Vandyke> beard,
right, gazing pretty hard at me. He
looked and looked and looked at me.
"'That fellows probably the house de-
%tective,' l thought, and he has tumbled
to the fact that l am about to swing the
r house for some $23 worth of viands and
drinkables. However, let him detect. It
: doesn't make any difference to me wheth-
err I'm yanked to the Five Courts by a
j, hotel detective or by "a
"Just as l got this far the man got up
from his table and walked over to mine.
His face gradually lighted up as he drew
closer to me, and it was one broad grin
when he held out his hand and called ma
: cordially by my front name.
! 81 knew him then right away. He was
, a chap I'd known in New York a number
of years before. The last I'd ever seen
of him was when I'd gone on his note for
!. 5000 at 4 time when he got mixed up is
a tangle with his firm on account of gam
bling.
He'd jumped without ever making tie
note good, so that when it came due I'd
had to pay it myself. I'd always felt
pretty sore on him for that job, and I'd
had it in mind for a number of years to
do several and divers things to him if
ever l met up with him again.
Under the circumstances, however, I