Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1902-08-02
WHEN JOBSON SHORES.

vorce from her husband on the ground that
his snoring kept her awake o nights"
"YesY oommentedAMr Jobson, IN nom
committal tone that might have meant any.
thing
"Uh-huhl" said Mr.. Jobson. Must ha'
been a mighty mean and silly woman, that
She didn't want to give the man any show
at all for his taw marble Why didn't she
Just give him little poke and prod him
over when lie snored 90 as to disturb herr"
Mrs Jobson didn't know why, and 20 she
didn't make any attempt to explain the
Iowa woman conduct.
''surest thing in life, went on Mr. job
son. @that a man only shores when he.
lying on his back And it's equally dead
certain that ne has only to turn over or
one side and he'll stop snoring quickef'r
you can say Jack Robinson. And the small
est possible poke viii serve to turn him
over on his side without awakening him,
too"
"Yes?v said Mrs Jobson, inquiringly.
Yes replied Mr.. Jobson, decidedly.
Its q wonder you don't know that much
without asking me about it. / s'pose the
fact Is that its been so long since | snored
than you've forgotten all about it. Is that
it?'
"ob, no, said Mrs. Jobson. smiling; you
still snore.
# do, heyy' said Mr. Jobson, bridling in.
stantly. There il not one married man in
% who doesn't feel disposed to take it a.
an aeu,e personal insult when his wife tells
him that he is SO natural thing as a snorer.
well do | snore so to bother you any,
may ! inquire
GOA, not so very much" said Mrs. Job
1 lrrrty - "a
something that can't be helped, and SO I've
gradually become accustomed to it, you
know"
Cant be helped?" snorted Mr.. Jobson
Haven't / just got through telling you,
not IA seconds ago, that it can be helped
that snorHg's unnatural, and that the
snorer has only to be turned over on one
side, when he'll quit snoring instantly; that
tho only position in which human being
can possibly suore is that Of lying upon his
back? If it bothers you such terrific lot,
why in the deuce don't you apply that
eommon-sense treatment to me, and have
me turn over when I'm snoring?"
"Oh. I've never felt like awakening YOU"
said Mrs Johson. And, although OF
course, I've often thought of doing it, I've
thought you might resent being awakened"
Resent nothing snapped Mr.. ,Iobson.
'tIm not natural born woman torturer,
madam, and it's pretty nigh time you were
acquainted with that fact. II | snore in
my sleep this very night ! want you to
promise me that you'll give me a gentle
little tap, just enough to get me to turn
over on my side and III show you that |
won't awake, and that ! won't snore loud
enough to be heard by cricket inside OF
21a seconds after turning over. ! spose
you'll just make that little promise to me,
won't you. to give me a chance to prove
one contention to you in a lifetime, any.
howl"
Yes, III promise" said Mrs. Jobson.
and that was the end of the matter for al
least three hours-tbat is to say, until Mr.
Jobson got to snoring after retiring in
manner that threatened to bring down the
plaster.
Mrs. Jobson couldn't get sleep for the
terrific noise. but she was used to being
unable to get sleep on that account, and
she hestated for long time, lying broad
awake, to put into operation the little
scheme Mr.. Jobson had suggested 10 her
for the subduing Of snorers.
The promise she had made, however, and
new curiosity to see whether the fact
that Mr.. ,Iobson was lying on his back
really caused him to snore so tremendously
prompted her, after about half an hour OF
Mr.. Jobson's continuous performance, to
give him the very gentest possible touch
with her thumb in his right side
Now, Mrs. Jobson had often wondered at
the depth of Mr.. Jobson's sumber, and
when she wanted him to get up in the
morning to an early breakfast before start
ing on trips she had to shake him with all
l., L., i
from his profound slumber.
But it was different this time. Mrs. Job
son had no sooner gwen him the extremely
gentle poke TO test his theory than he let
out whoop that almost stopped the beat
ing Of her heart, and then he bounded cut
of bed as il he had been a fireman who
mad heard an alarm IN his dreams. lie was
snorting with rage all the time, and when
he had lit the g8s he walked over TO the
bed and carefully examined the spot where
he had been lying alternating this vita
giares of sNeechless rage at Mrs Jobson
He at length found his voice and fercely
demanded:
Madam, where is the mur8erous blunt
instrument with which you deliberately at.
tempted to take my life less than two min
utes ago?"
Blunt Instrument said the amazed
Mrs Jobson. "Why, | only gave you a
slight little touch in the side with my
thumb, as you told me to. because you
were snoring so dreadfully."
"Oh, that's it, is it?' said Mr.. Jobson, in
tone of intense sarcasm. just slight
| little touch with your thumb ehy Ii YOU
! haven't got a sharp-pointed poker concealed
somewhere in or around this bed. mad.
am then I'm a lunatic, that's all. And if
! things have come to such a pass that
/ can't sleep in my own house without be-
ing dubbed and maued and pounded and
| dubbed and stabbed 10y a woman who can't
| sleep herself She, so crazy wild to get
my life insurance. why, then, want You
to understand madam, that there are a
whole lot Of other houses in Washington.
and III arrange things so that IN be able
to get N an occasional nights sleep all
| right. all right
Then he clomped downstairs in his bare
feet and slept on the lounge for the re-
mainder of the night. and when Mrs. Job,
son tried 20 awaken him for breakfast she