The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1902-06-06

Sound much like talking
Through your hat
Then Coney Island will he good.
w. ]. hampton in New York Herald
The two elderly Irish citizens. out for
a Sunday stroll. paused before a Jewell
er'S show window in which were dis
played three clocks recording time in
various parts of the world.
lis odd said one. I'm some parts
parts it's tomorrow the United
States is the only place in all the world
where it's today"
Ills odd"
"'Tis So"
"N"w: when would be me birthday if
| were in Paris?"
'"1onr birthday is today?'
" .,m it's tomorrow in France, today?'
Thin yez could never have birthday
if y were over there, because your birth
day comes today
Ills odd"
"'Tis so'
no doubt, that's why the population
vantaees. man is always as old as
ne is if he is born over there, but if he
lives abroad he is a year younger on his
birthday. conntin' he be home.''
4" It's Odl'
"'Tis so.-New York Tribune.
Lou Fields met Gus Rodgers on ':The
Rialto" a few days ago. After talking
a few minutes, Fields said: ''Gus, what's
become of those patent leather shoes you
wore last winter?"
"Why? Wasn't the leather good:'
"Nes,' said Gus. with a sigh. ''bnt the
patent expired. New York Times.
He had been to the boarding school to
pay surprise visit to his daughter, his
only child. He had parted from her,
proud to be the parent of such hand
some maiden, pleased with the innocence
Of budding womanhood. The principal
accompanied him to the door.
madam he said, with deep feeling,
which you have reared my child since
she has been under your care. When
notice the contrast between that innocent
maiden and some of the girls of her age
who have not had the advantage of such
strict supervision l feel that l have in
deed done wisely in placing her in your
Charge
and how proud you must be- said
the principal, glowing with satisfaction.
ito be the father of so large and devoted
family
Large! Devotedv' gasped the proud
parent. "What do you mean?'
devoted to each Other,' said the prin-
cipal. 'No fewer than seven of Clara s
brothers have been here during the past
three weeks to take her out, and she
is expecting another tomorrow" LON
don Tit-Bits.
Butcher--Well my little dear, an what
do you want? Little Dear faint wot
hi wants! Hi wants dimind dog collar,
an bro'm, an Il perminint parse to the
music all, an a seat at the corinashun.
But it amt wot hi wants, it's wot muv-
YER wants, an she wants 'arf a pound off
the scraggy end of neck o mutton, on
the nod till Monday-Punch.
\ man named johnson, from Iowa,
came. to Washington to get. a consular
appointment. The Iowa senators and
Representatives went to the front for
him. He was promised something.
When he went to see about the prom
Use he was told that there was nothing
left but some Of the fever ports of Cen
trail and South America, where consuls
die with great frequency and where the
salary is not particularly attractive.
oh, that's all right" said johnson.
of Them
This was satisfactory to the state de-
partment. johnson was notified to ap-
pear before an examining board to be
questioned as to his fitness for such a
place. The third question asked him
was:
How many Hessians did George Ill.
hire to come to this country to fight the
Americans during the Revolution?''
johnson thought for a long time.
Then he said:
Il don't know, but it was a darn sight
more than went back.'-New York
Times.
"Only the other day You were growing
about the blizzards, and here you are
protesting against warm IN weather.! What
"Well," was the reply, II don't want
nothin' unreasonable; all l want is for
Providence to strike a medium-sorter
betwixt an Observation-Disclosures Consti-
tuition.
State Superintendent of Schools
Charles r. Skinner tells OF the janitor
of city school who threw up his job
one day, and when asked by friend
"Weil, it's this. I'm honest, and I
won't stand bein' slurred. If I ever
found a pencil or anything else in the
school when was sweepin' out 1 always
gave it to the principal, but, just the
same, the teachers, or some one that
too mean to face me gives me the slur. -
SIN what wav?" asked the friend.
"Well, just this. A little while ago I
saw written on the board, Find the com
mon multiplie:' Well, didn't say a word,
but searched from garnet to cellar, and
I couldn't find the darn thing. Well,
again last night, i'll big writin' on the
same board. it said: Find the common
divisor.' WELL says to myself, SAYS
I, both them darn things be lost now,
and I'll get blamed fer swipin' 'em, so
I'll quit. New York Times
Father Ito the 7-year-old son beside
him in the dog-cart, cutting the whip
sharply through the airl-See. Tommy.