davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-04
Uncle Josh At The City Church.

OlGlG JOSh Al IHe lily GHulSH.
Las Sunday 1 done somethin'
Th't [ never done afore;
IN | guess, b'gosh,
Y'ur Uncle Josh
Wont do tn same some more!
Not one of our big family
Ever went t church in town;
SO me n Seth
m Elizabeth
Jes' thought that we'd drive
E. down.
So Seth he hltch'd up Nancy
Side O that wild colt o his;
m with lunch t. eat,
All on one seat
Sot me n Seth n Liz.
N jest outside the city, sir,
A 'lectric car we met;
That colt n Nance
Commence to pranCe
N they jumped twelve feet, |
bet!
Thew kicked the dashboard Off,
b'gosh;
Scaret Liz almost t. death!
She holler'd "Whoaw
Seth let IN go
m they run till out O breath!
We reached the meetin' house,
at last.
SEE I-"Folks, ain'tthat grand?"
That's what it is
SEE Seth m Liz
9TH grandest in the land"
Must took two years to sbuild;
Not less single minute;
1t leaves our church
Way in the lurch,
M the old school house '.ain't
in it,"
The church bell it's a monster,
sir!
Gould hear it more'n a mile;-
The big high steeple-
Jes' like the people
Wuz all decked out in style.
N runnin' the top of it
They had lightnin' rod =
They wouldn't trust the
Electricity
m didn't trust in God!
Women wore thirty dollar hats
~ worship Providence;
1 s'pose they thought
The hats we'd bought
Looked bout like thirty cents
Folks turned their eyes dow
toward us
IN then turned up their nose;
They'd take Que look
IT their new hymn, book,
Two looks at their new clothes
Clothes covers-same as Char
ity-
"a multitude of SIM"
Inside at last.
The PharIsees passed
Then we Publicans marched in
We took seats near the pulpi
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-04

Up Jumped man.
Sed-"Understan',
This ere my rented pew"
He p'inted to some back seats =
That l s'pose they couldn't
rent
go way back aud
Set down." or stand
l guess that's what he meant.
We took the hint n went back
Near to where We wuz atore;
SEE Liz to me,
Nov, Josh, maybe
This ere'S a rented dour!"
The parson prayed, N the OIL
gan then
Set up NJ awful roar;
N while 'twOuld play,
The singers they
Sung Stranger at the Door"
When the music quit the dea-
cons riz
N passed the hat aroun';
! The parson, neXt,
GIVE out his text,
And then folks settled down,
And hour N eighty minutes he
preached,
About the fold and sheep;
The women nd wink
N nod N blink,
N the men wuz fast asleep!
N one gal sed to t'other-
You seen my teller, Lize?"
And thea began,
Behind her fan,
To make them goo goo eyes. -
She held her hymn, book up to
show
That she wuz in 1.-The SWIM"
But didn't look
Inside the book
When she looked to find the
him"
Then t'other gal spied 'Lizabeth
IN W hispered very loud
"Jes look at that
Old woman's hat,
l bet she thinks she's proudw
IT the angels waz a lookin
then
They must smiled, l guess;
, N / b believe
Laug he'd in their sleeve;
| did, l must confess.
No one EN- serve two masters
M keep things smooth N level
! Can't, with one hand
Hold on to God and
Tother give the devil!
Nights we'll say--Lord, 1 sent
my soul;
= Jes' lay it on the shelf;
,. M when I'm done
A havin' fun
Then I'll come up myself.
l couldn't possibly keep awak,
The sermon wuz so dry;
!. Seth sed l snored
t Worse n organ roar'd
MI L. Az
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-04
Hurd Will Continue In Office.

A letter from Gov. Dockery
to Il Paris party this week stat
ed that the governor. after due
investigation, had concluded
that there would be no vacan-
cy in the office of probate judge
as result of r. l.. Woodson's
death. II the governor is right.
Judge Hurd will continue in
office for full term of four
years. Paris Appeal.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-04
| dreamt the colt ~ Nance got

= .l..,|,l.. - r,,,,., 49,,
y - Wv
..
NJ ,:,,.
,l,, ""o ,,
! had both arm round IN g..
,
N ShOutin Nv h3b, Nance,
..I,,.l
Jel US lem, SGln,
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-04

Thirty years ago Grant car
ried Linn County by POI MAORI
ty, and the majority Tor Hen
derson. Republican, for govern.
or, was POI. The same week
negro was given ride ON a
rail at Laclede for voting for
Greeley and Brown, the indie.
pendent Republican candidates
for President and vice.presi-
dent. This year Linn County
gave the d mocralic candidate
for representative a majority
of 1872. and elected all tie rest
Of the Democratic ticket. Post
Dispatch.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-04
Has Cured Thousands. viii Cure You.

II you are troubled with Kidney or
Bladder troubles. such as Dropsy,
Bright's Disease, Catarrh, Gravel of
the Bladdyr, Albumen in Urine and
unhealthy deposits, or too frequent
discharge of the urine, pain in the
back and bladder, dropsical swellings
of the feet and legs, etc., we guarantee
that by using Smiths Sure Kidney
Cure, complete cure will be effected.
Price so cents and $l.OO. For sale by
j. j. Fitzpatrick.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-04

Most men kick over the eX
pense of the flowers on their
wives hunnetS, Nut Jim Culp,
Of Macon was not built that
way. He died d few days since
and by his request the only
flowers used at his funeral was
wreath of roses from his
wife'S bonnet.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-04
SOME BRIGHT JEWELS
Worth Reading from the Atlanta Con
stitutiOn.

,;.,,.;or
.o. .,... ,.,,.,ds i, ga, da.
,.I Jt,S,r,,,go ,.I,r, the
IaWNer'
"ImpOsSible to agree on a
rame fer the new oaoH. WAS
the reply.
ct,
wrote 4 Georgia swain to his.
sweetheart, II III aOoAl 10 uIl'lN
carboIjc acid for you, an car
boIic acid is the mos. palninIl.
est Of drinks"
TO which the Young woman
l.,...
,.,
~ ! -" "'''" $3.50,
(" H. an . !" ~ n r,, ~
why Wv" va 1919, ...
It's more sudden; an wat :
more. you'd never kho" ~
,, ,t
Er>,1. - c,r,, ,,d .luvar
pra,a and meat
And kisses sweet,
And who would be Il rover:
Signs ana songs "''' SUI
lo" ,,.......,...
Love and home
(idte's honeycomoD
And who would be rover:
a., ,;4,
A'' 1914 81,
"""' T ~ '''p ,i,.;,, h,r. -.
III" =" -, ;, 40. n,,n;,
"S NV ,,,,,,,,"
1880. ,,,,,,.,o i,
.l,, ,.,. all IN,
'' ,,.,,,Ia. Nv
''''>' Nv .
YES three "'l'lNS " '''
tlnS' with Two humps vi sos"'
= Hem,then nv case is hope
less,"
. ..yv,, sogn
49,, , NINA,
.,.,,.
""' V, 80, ~.
s" I.' '"N We
"e ~ ~ "
-, lux
, l "e '""'
~, ,,N,,.,,,- 49,, .,.;.. -,
t it's morning!
t
Wh'le a campaign orator w"
making " 81 u''P sPee0u ieCeN'
~ "'S " N''
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27
Washington Gossip
Admirers of Speaker Henderson Have Re-
Gently Sent Him Unique Present
Especial Letter.)


ing in many ways to the excellence of
the hospital service. Emperor William
made substantial recognition of her
work by bestowing upon her the Cross
of Merit, and his daughter, the Grand
Duchess of Baden, between whom and
Miss Barton there sprang up lively
and enduring friendship, decorated her
with the Gold Cross of Remembrance,
the colors of Baden, and gave her a
Red Cross brooch.
The Mexican government occupies
one of the handsomest embassies in
Washington. 1t consists of two build
ings, both handsome residences. One
contains elaborate office accommoda-
tions and apartments above for the
many bachelor secretaries. The hang
ings and carpets of the first floor are
green. The embassy lavine has been
redecorated and refurnished and a
great change has been produced. Nine
Perez, the widowed daughter of the
ambassador is her mothers ready as
sistant.
She speaks our language remarkably
we'll and is very fond of her home here
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

Nine. Ferez's young cousin, Miss Du-
que, is also a member of the Mexican
ambassadors household. She came to
of the purposes of her visit was to
learn to speak the English fluently.
Senator Thomas R. Bard of Califor-
MIA is connOisseur of good cigars.
When he travels he might easily be
mistaken for tobacco salesman, for
he carries grip which contains moth
ing else. There are long and short
ones. light and dark, domestic and i'm
ported, Key West, Connecticut and
Filipino. Some are worth 81 apiece,
and none are cheap. He has form
of salutation, inseparably linked with
his how-d'yo-do; it is. Have fresh
cigar" He usually has some new
brand which he recommends. Now"
he will say, I'D just like you to try
this. It's something l have just dis
covered and l think it has its points" :"
Bard is Scotch-Irishman and a pillar
in the Presbyterian church. Smoking
is his only vice.
Senator Spooner was giving legal
Interpretation of the relations of the
Philippines to the United States. He
was asked by Mr.. -Tillman whether he
regarded men as chattels and property
to be disposed of by barter or sale.
"One can dispose OF what belongs
to him." said Mr.. Spooner.
He cannot very well dispose of him
self unless it be in marriage"
"Or hv cnicido mt IN NJ, DIott 80
Connecticut.
"Yes; or by suicide" continued Mr..
Spooner, land some men who marry
commit suicide"
There was an indignant rustling of
feminine garments in the reserved gal
lery and with Come, young ladies.
1t II time we were leaving" the prin-
cipal of fashionable young ladies'
seminary gathered her flock about her
and brushed Indignantly out of the
gallery. where she had brought the
girls to watch the proceedings of the
dignified senate.
did you know that all the newspa-
per correspondents are sending out a
story that you have the smallpox ?"
asked member of Representative
William Alden Smith of Michigan.
Mr.. Smith gasped and seized a pad
OF telegraph blanks. Then the other
congressman watched him write mes
sage after message.
"Fraid the folks at home will
worry?" was the next question.
1T isn't that" replied Mr.. Smith.
but think of the trouble there will be
in my district IL the report gets out
that have the smallpox. There will
be twenty candidates for my place be-
fore night and every one of those fell
lows will be praying that the disease
will result fatally. Up in Michigan a
case OF sma lrcx makes more trouble
for congressman than does loss af
favor at the white house when your
party is In power"
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27
Big Indu.trle. Bullt up on Small Articles.

Big Industries Built up ON Small Articles.
Few people realize the wants and re-
quirements of the eighty millions Of peo-
pie in the United States. Who would
think that 1t requires over million doll
lars capital to carry on the package dye
business in this country. and that there
are twelve different factories in the Unit
ed States that manufacture package dye?
One of the largest package dye factories
In the world is that of the Putnam Fade
less Dye Co.. Unionville, Mo. In this fac
tory alone over three million packages
are put up every year. When you know
that each package colors from 3 to 9
pounds of goods, or that the output of
Putnam Fadeless Dyes alone will color
from 9 to is million pounds and that it
would require more than 500 cars to haul
this amount of dyed goods. you will re-
alize the magnitude of this seemingly
small business.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

course of Peruna is taken during the
early spring months the cure will be
prompt and permanent There can
be no failures il Peruna is taken
intelligently during the favorable
weather of spring.
AS systemic catarrh remedy Pc
runa eradicates catarrh from the sys-
tenn wherever it may be located. 1t
cures catarrh of the stomach or bowels
with the same certainty as catarrh Of
the head.
Ifyou do not derive prompt and salts
factory results from the use of Peruna,
write at once to DIR. Hartman, giving n
be pleased to give you his valuable ad-
vice gratis.
Address DIR. Hartman, President Of
The Hartman Sanitarium, Columbus,
Ohio
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

a Congressman's Letter.
Hon. II. w. Ogden, Congressman
from Louisiana, in letter written at
Washington, d. c., says the following
of Peruna, the national catarrh remedy:
81 can c0nscienfious!y recommend
your Peruns as fine tonic snd al
around good medicine to those who
are In need of . cafarrf remedy. II
has been commended to me by people
VINO have used II, as . remedy par
ficuLariy effective In tho cure Of
catarrh. For those who need . good
cafarrh medicine know of nothing
better "-H. w. Ogden.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27
Love In jail.

Marriages between convicts continue
to be permitted in the Andaman Is
lands. Last year the superintendent
received sixty-eight applications for
such unions. or these. four free and
thirty-two convlcts were sanctioned,
and the balance (thirty-two) were re-
fused.-Madras Hindu.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

HON. DAN. A. GR0svEN0R. FAMOUS FAMILY.
Dan A.
letter written from Washington, D. c., says:
AHow gratitude you
and well Besides being
spring f0nics 1t IS excellent caarrh remedy"
DAM A. OROSVENOR.
n a recent tier rhesays
I consider Peruna really merif0ri0uS
wrote last receive acquanances
the country asking certificate
A.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27
wouii TAX. Nm ch.nr...

A st. Louis Judge has decided that
hired girl can not legally be held
liable for the crockery she consigns
to the rubbish heap. Which doesn I
materially cnange the situation. Even
II she could. most OF us prefer to lose
the chinaware than to take any chance
Of losing the girl.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

You Can Get Aliens Foot-Ease Free.
Write to-day to Allen S. Olmsted, Le-
Roy, N. Y. for FREE sample of Aliens
Foot Ease, a powder. 1t cures sweating,
damp, swollen, aching feet. Makes new
or tight shoes easy. A certain cure for
Chilblains and Prostitutes. At all
druggists and shoe stores; 25 cents.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27
Town for Ncgros. Oaiv.

Jonesboro. a new village now be,ns
laid out at Fort Lee. five miles from
Richmond. Va, is to be populated by
negroes only. The site consists of 800
acres. cut up into building los. parl,.
orchards. grazing lands and SIN "
arms for trucking.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

What is the use of employing some one
to do your dyeing for you. II you use
do it just as well as professional
Sold by druggists, 1Oc. per package.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27
EARLIEST RUSSIAN MILLFT.

Will you be short of hay? If so, plant a
plenty Of this prodigally prolific millet.
8 to Tons of Rich Hay Per Acre.
Price so lbs. 81. 90; 100 lbs. 3d. Low freights
John A. Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse, Wis. w
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27
. S25 to California.

Daily during March and April. the San
ia Fe will sell colopist tickets from Dem
yer. Colorado Springs or Pueblo to Cali
fornia points at rate of $25. Full partic-
ulars by calling on or addressing ]. p.
Hall. General Agent Santa Fe. Denver
Colorado
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

Now If the end of the Legislature only
means a cessation of adjectives on the
Bucklin amendment. the people will have
two-fold reason for rejoicing.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27
'ImpervIous to Noise.

"How queer!" exclaimed Miss Pertie
Goodwin. at the Wagner recital. my
foot has gone to sleep-and in all this
noise, too!"-Chicago Tribune.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

The Legislature is like some other
things: We never are really in love with
it till it has gone.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

Solomon says the glory of woman is
in her hair. but he doesn't say anything
about her glory being attributed to some
other WOmanS hair.-Chicago News.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

Piso's Cure for Consumption Is an infsliible
medic ne for coughs and colds.-N. w. SAMUEL.
Ocean Grove, N. j.. Feb. IL. 1900
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27
STATE OF OHIO, CITY OF TOLEDO. =
LUCAS COIrNTY s.

LUCAS COUNTY (sS
Frank j. Cheney makes oath that he is the
senior partner of the firm OF F. j. Cheney & Co.
doing business in the City Of Toledo, County
and State aforesaid. and that said firm will pay
the sum Of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for
each and every case of Catarrh that cannot be
cured by the use of Halls Catarrh Cure.
FRANK j. CHENEY.
sworn to before me and subscribed in nv
presence. this 9th day Of December. A. D. 1885
fSrAr1 A. w. GLEASON,
Notary Public
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally, and
acts directly on the blood and mucous surfaces
OF the system Send for testimonials. free.
F. j. CHENEY g. CO., Toledo. q
Sold by Druggists 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the best
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

What between prohibition and irriga-
tion Kansas is in danger of developing a
case Of water on the brain.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

To Cure a Cold in One day.
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund money If it fails to cufA 25c
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

No man has a moral right to disclose
a cloven breath during the honeymoon.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27
A Temperate Saloon Keeper.

Harry Moran, who has been in the
liquor business here since 1874, first
at Indianapolis as barkeeper for his
uncle and later in his own saloon, has
never tasted liquor in his life. He says
he doesn't know why he refrained from
tasting it when handling intoxicants
for SO many years, but 1t is a fact that
he does not know the taste OF alco-
holic liquors. Moran's record Is be-
his business.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

People buy Hamlin's Wizard Oil be-
cause they have learned by experience
that it cures pain of every kind.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

Lawyers occasionally make mistakes,
but they seldom bring suit against one
another,
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

Treat Catarrh in Spring.
The spring is the time to treat
catarrh. Cold, wet winter weather
often retards q cure of catarrh. If a
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

Give a man half a chance and he will
tell of a grudge he has against some
other man.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

Barton was in Europe. recuperating
from a long illness Induced by her
work in hospitals during the War OF
the Rebellion and the labors she SUBJ
sequently performed relating to those
prisoners missing after the exchanges
were made. The officers OF the Red
Gross. desiring to benefit by her large
experience. urged her to go to the
front With characteristic energy and
devotion TO the cause OF human ty
Miss Barton accepted the Invitation.
End served from the beginning to the
<utGf that famous struggle. contribut-
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

A man may be simply mulish during his
lifetime. but in the obituary notice 1t is
always said that he had the courage of
his convictions.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

Some people while on earth try to live
on the interest of their imaginary treas
ures in heaven.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27
$1,000 for toc,

~ We vi.h you 10 isy cur
. great farm seeds. hence
VI OTTER 70 send 10 farm seed
~ samples. containing thousand
Headed Kalc, Tsoslnts. Rape,
4 Alfalfa, spoits. eta. fully worth
1000 " get . staru tcgether with
our grcatoAtAioI, for loo pos tAgs.
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

Most wonder ui grass cf
the century. Produces . tons
ef hay and lots and lots Of
pasturags besides per sers.
0rous wherever soil 10
found. ealsep's seed 10
warranted. That psyA
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27

PEAKER HENDERSON
will at the end of his
career as speaker be able
to establish a museum
with the gifts that have
come to him from all
parts of the world. The
latest addition to his col
Gilpin observer., 1902-03-27
W. N. U.-DENvER.-No. ie.-ieo2

Nhss Assweriss Advertiseassts kiadly
Nsatias Ttis rsssE
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1902-09-13
Hints for Health.

Don't eat fast. Time is money.
Every minute saved at your meals is
a dollar in the pocket of your ply
sician later on in life.
Don't fast to cure indigestion. AS
the body gets weaker it's functions also
weaken, and digestion will not i'm
prove
Don't drink too little water between
meals. This is very common fault
among city folk. At least four to five
pints of liquid. tdNl coffee, water and
milk, should be taken during the day.
Most of this should be taken several
hours before and after meals, some on
rising and going to bed.
Don't eat just after severe exercise,
especially if it is unusual. The blood
is mainly out in the muscles and skin
during muscular exercise. Before it
can return to the stomach in proper
amount to control digestion fermenta-
tive processes may be set up and con-
sequent gastritis.
Don't eat a large meal when tired
and hungry. Digestion is a chemical
process that requires the expenditure
of considerable energy. When the
system is exhausted it cannot supply
this energy. Eat moderately first, then
some hours later hearty meal.
Don't take other peoples advice as
to what you may " may not eat.
Stomachs are at least as individual as
their owners. No one, not even your
doctor can help you to find out what
your diet should be.
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1902-09-13
Denends on Point of View.

This tale combines the elements of
tragedy and comedy: If you ask the
woman to whom the incident happened,
it was tragedy pure and simple. If
you ask the neighbors, it was comedy
of high order. The occasion was one
dear to the heart of woman, the annual
bazar given on behalf of the local
church. At this emporium, articles
bought for sixty cents might be had
for as low as $3.50. Mrs. Blank had
small respect for anyone whose dona-
ton cost less than S.. Hers had cost
SIS. 1t was a statuette, more than
two feet high, of Mercury. When the
local expressman called, Mrs. Blank
who had not yet left her roof by
reason of a headache, leaned out of
the window and told him to go right in
to the library, take all the packages on
the table (she was sending some fancy
work things in addition to the statuetteJ
and go up to the church All of which
he did. About o'clock the generous
donor started bazarward. She knew
her Mercury, fianked by her doilies and
her shaving mug, would look extremely
well, and the bad humor she had been
in earlier in the evening in consequence
of the non-arrival of a new hat van
ished as she drew near the building
w HeH she entered 06E reception was
almost equal to an ovation. Such ex-
pressions as How original!'' What
ever suggested it to you?' THE idea is
taking like wild fire" I'VE are charg-
ing fifty cents a chance and some wo-
men have taken four Where did
you stand it?" asked the gratified wo-
man. ooh, we are keeping it in the
box. There it is Mrs. Blank looked
into the box wherein reposed her new
hat. Then self-preservation induced
her to murmur weakly: 81 am glad you
liked it." The explanation was sim
pie enough when it came. 1t seems
that on the arrival of the hat from
the milliners the daughter of the house
had opened it. Having inspected it,
she placed it on the head of Mercury.
Here the eXpressman found it, and with
rare stupidity placed it back in the box
and carted it off to the church.-N. Y.
Evening Sun
The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1902-09-13
~ Dome Circle. ~
MOTHERS MEND1NG BASKET.

Now when the DAVIS work is over and
done
Mother sits down by the door
In the soft light of the low setting sun
Turning her basketful O. er
So MANY worn little garments to mend,
So many rents to repair
Who but a mother has patience to spend
So much of time and of care?
Wee Needless stockings are out at the
That is What marbles have done
Bobby, his jacket was torn on the trees
Which he was climbing for fun
Willic's new trousers. lust worn once,
and vet
See what d terrible teari
Will with contortion avows his regret,
But doesn't know how it got there
Kitty is out at the elbows and sleeves,
Molly has tatterS galore,
Bess is in fringes and Baby Nell grieves
Over holes in her new pinafore.
Each one has something for mother to do,
Deeming. with consciences light,
No matter what NAV be wrong or aSkeW,
Mother will make it all right
Swiftly the dear patient fingers must
move.
Swiftly the bright needle CLEANS,
AS she sits there at her labor of love
Dreaming her motherly dreams
Smiling Ger memories happy and bright,
Signing Ger some that are sad
Mother will breathe DER her basket to-
night
A prayer for each lassie and lad.