Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1902-10-05

IS loCdHty SSpSSioiiy law SN'
The western part of the State; the
eastern part of the State; the south
ern and northern parts of the State have
produced. North Platte has her William
F. Cody, known from zone to zone and
pole to pole as Buffalo Bill New
! mans Grove had her J. Narver Gortner,
the poet Of nine volumes, author Of the
immortal lines:
We had turkey for dinner to-day,
The finest the State could produce,
And as on the table it lay
| Twas better, thought. than a goose.
Beatrice has her Walt Mason, Of whom
James Whitconb Riley said: HE might
have been the best-known humorist in the
West but he lost his grip" OmahI. has
her George Francis Train. prince OF all
cranks and emperor of all freaks. Belle
vue has her Pat Grove. the most famous
kidnapper the world has ever known.
And now from Washington county anc
the town of Blair comes the latest aspi-
rant for notice and the most recent can
didate for the title genius"
Will A. Campbell. printer, editor. hu-
man being. and genius, saw the light .of
day first in some obscure little Nebra ska
town. He grew up like other children OF
Nebraska towns, obtained some schooling,
and began to scramble for a living when
he was yet at a tender age.
There was always something the matter
with him. He knew it, and others knew
it. but he never knew what it was until
he started a little magazine called the
Knocker. and then it developed that he
was a genius.
In the initial number Of his literary
venture the young scribe relieved himself
of twenty-six articles of faith, which have
been eagerly perused by a large mum
Der Of readers. Some Of these articles
follow:
I knock on the self-righteous They are
usually people who by worldly success
have crowded into view. The best we can
do is to be virtuous as possible.
I knock on the social rcie that permits
woman to cover indiscretions Of other
days with a seal-skin cloak. A woman.
has right to "live 1t down" but rich
woman should have no shorter proba ton
than poor one.
I knock on the man who tells children
that there is no Santa Claus. The TRACE
dy of life begins when faith departs, and
the man who will hasten the departure
is related to the devil.
knock on the knocker who knocks on
his wife A man who respects not the
mother of his own children respects not
himself. His plant that she has not
Kept up with him fools nobody. He
has his eye on another woman. In the
Greek FOR better or for worse" means
take your medicine
I knock on the social pest. whose social
rating is a hat full Of prunes. and who
passes by old friends. HIS is a snob.
Trace him ba ok to his father and you'll
find a; rabbit
I knock on the woman who nags her
husband. More men have gone to hell
by this route and picked up correspond
"ents along the way than by any other.
knock on the American girl. The girl
who has been raised in a cultured home;
who possesses both talent and accomplish
ment: who has grown into woman1y
woman and is too worthy for any young
man, but who casts her life by her own
choice with a smooth guy, whose brains
are worth cents a pound for soap.
grease-a descendant of long line of
half-wits; dizzy young dude too lazy
to work and 100 cowardly to steal. too
everlastingly "ornery'' to raise, respect
able crop of wild oats: a young lollipop-
ribbon clerk on 80 per and a monopoly
on the gall of the globe-tnat is the kind
Of Apollos American girls admire, and
it would give buzzard a bilious attack
I knock on the mother-in-1aw who goes
loaded with advice. She is not so many
CD
in the dozen, it is tough on the man who
gets her.
knock on the passimist. He is an 1sh-.
ma elite and tells disagreeable truths. The
thing to do is to join the procession
and stand for the things what is
Il knock hard on the bum-the legitimate
offspring of hoodlumIsm. the curse of
modern civilization. He never pays taxes,
but makes monthly tour in search of a
soft snap, where wages are higher. He
knows the road to every joint, and his
example artisucally escorts the youth to.
5damnation. He SCOTS at the church. de-
f1es good citizenship. and ruins the COM
smunity. The man who will not work
heads Bhe excursion to hell. May the
Lord have mercy on his soul.
II knock on the man who knocks on this
magazine. He is ansintellectual dwarf. a
parody on manhood. and is in for roast
In. tho next issue.
knock on the little pothouse politi-
elan who poses to run he whole electoral
college and point out to wiser men their
duties. II IL a bore 6 ana don't. know y
FUNDAMENTAL principle from his funny;
bone.
knock trying tossreform llonswos
snsp vssturninS 81 en- over sekthes ~