The Hawaiian gazette., 1902-08-15
CAPTAIN JAMES
WANTS A WIFE
Sy,s "N,sssf" Is NEEDED to
Msks Any Man Happy
In LIE.

captain james. one n the beet known
characters m the water from o. ii'-
utiuiu, wants elfe
lie To- at present az WORK building "a
nshlng schooner on a piece 90 land OPP
roslte the now Hackfeld wharf This
ls nearly completed and Captain James
promises sll sorts of FUN far bis friends
when the craft is launched n month
hence. The old skipper Is the most
amusing type ~ man that can be
found on the water front. Born In
Scotland some nifty odd years ago he
has led a most peculiar lifc-but every
one knows his history. People are In
tcrested now In his efforts to find a
wife.
\ reporter discovered the captain at
work on the schooner which Is covered
over by sort Of tent.
Anything I'm the news line today,
skipper" queried the scribe
wall no, nothing partickler,' an
swered the Captain. "nothin' very much
doin' 'cept that I'm kinder thinkin' of
fndin' another wife. You can say /
want one. but say--how'd you find my
dog hole anyhow"
"Oh, just happened to run across ii.
Why do you call it dog hole?'"
well faint much morn one. You
see | camp here. / cook all my own
stuff at that little fireplace there and
] tell you / can show any woman that
ever lived a few points about the
game. Any woman I'd marry'd have a
reglar snap az far as cooking goes as
I'd do most of It, ! sleep here too and
do all my own washing. ] know how
to do n trick or two about washing
| can iron and starch to beat the wind
too. You see after | git my Sunday
shirts washed and dried I never puts
any iron on 'em. Iron tears 'em al
ter pieces. / simply put 'em on board
smooth 'em out, and then sit on 'en
until their ironed out as smooth AS
marble grave slabs. That's the way
| do and it puts the smoothest bosun
you ever see on 'em.
"You may kinder look slantwise ant
think I'm crazy to wanter marry agar
at my age but I've had seven wives
already and / know what married life
is Woman is ne'ssnry to a mans eX
stcnce. Three of my wives died and
let the law take care of the other foul
man. She WIS n fine looking critter blu
l a hard drinker so | divorced her. I'm
2 a drinker myself but I'm not a drunken
. There's a heap of difference between
t the two. Wall this Irish woman mar
. rled another man after I kicked owe
. the traces and l hear that he prett!
> near beat the life out of her. Sh
) needed that kind of man. If I'd ;
r been that sort-a fighter or heavy
, weight pugilst-I would probably ha
been Twin with her yet.
But as I've said afore a mans go
to have wife in order TO be happy
| want some female a nagging at m
= all the time or l amt happy. Whel
g wife cries, kicks, scratches, nass, an
e throws the frying pan at yer, yer kind
[ or forgit your other troubles and
= rests your brain. Then keepin' them II
a order kinder keeps a fellows muscle
G in fightin' trim. But don't you fergi
: that l like a nagger. She's got to b
[ white nagger and about thirty year
r old. Women get high falutin notion
h out of their heads when they get {
= be that age.
n "Ive got a woman or two in sight,
5 continued the Captain. that might b.
suitable but | would like to see as man.
= nass as possible before l make the fna
/ choice. Anyhow I amt in no hurry.
$ don't want the wife until Mr.. Waite
V gets my house built. You know MI
Y Walter? Well, he's the man that own
9 the Occidental hotel and he's sort o
V taken a fancy to me-everybody doe
more or 1ess-and is erecting a hous
$ for me just this side of that coal pile
. tell you this part of town is going t
. boom now. We've got new road alonI
= the water front from Brewers wharf L
= the bridge across to the new Hackfel
wharf and the whole place will soon b
= lively. Well, if you must be goin, don
Q forget that ! like a nagger. SO long.