The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-11-01

4
it, l will pay the last blamed one Of
em!"--Atianta Constitution.
In a former existence: First theos-
ophist-"Have you known Smith very
long?' Second theosophist-'Ye
quite long time. Let me see-I think
We were dogs together. Judge.
Tactless: Blind Bill (who has lust
received copper)-"Thankee, sir:
thankee. l moo as you wouldn't fergit
the poor blind man Directly I see yer
come round the corner. '-Tid-Bits
Bertie-"Are we any kin to chick
ens?" Gertie-"Of course not; we're
people" Bertie-s'Well, Uncle Harry
says papa was a mighty bad egg when
he was youngstown and Country.
What sir, 1 ask you, Is as deeply
4 profound, as majestically impressive.
as the silence of eternity?" HIM,
What about the silence just preceding
the curtain lectures" baltimore News
Boston Mother-"If you had my faith
in Christian science, darling, you
would have no toothache." well
mother, if you had my toothache. YOU
| wouldn't have any faith. Boston
i Herald
/ man with an unusually large
| mouth has the habit of opening it on
some occasions very wide. His dem
fist the other day administered mild
rebuke: "Not so wide, please; l prefer
to sand outside and work.
These Americans" cried the af-
frighted Tagal, ''are cannibaIs."
Whatever gave you such an idea"
asks the Moro. 81 just heard one of
those soldiers ask that pretty school
teacher to come and eat a Filipino
with him. "-What-To-Eat
care they fond of their New York
homer" ''They spend their winters in
] Florida, their springs in Lakewood,
their summers at Newport. and their
autumns at Lenox, but they are sim
ply devoted to their New York Home
Elk.
"You have just as much right and,
, theoretically, just as good chance as
, anybody else to be president" says the
patriotic citizen to his neighbor. Il
cannot agree with you" signs the
neighbor; 1--WE have no children, and
that fact alone would lose me the pho
tographer's Judge.
Mrs. Bizzy-"I am so sorry to hear
that your wife has been throwing the
crockery at you again, Casey. Where
did she hit your Casey-"Faith,
ma-ami That's what Oh do be afther
complainin' av. Twas whole set av
dishes broke to pieces, an she nivir
hit me welnst. Brooklyn Life
Miss Mainchantz-"I suppose you've
heard Of my engagement to Mr. jerks
Miss Ascott-''Yes; and | confess that
am surprised. You told me once that
you wouldn't marry him for million
dollars" Miss MainchantZ--'I know,
dear, but discovered later that he had
two millions. "-Philadelphia Press.
Showed what she could do: Phoxy
81 got a good square meal last night
the first in several weeks, and l have
you to thank for it." Friend-"Me to
thank? Well, that's news TO me"
Phoxy-"Yes, l know. | telephoned to
my wife yesterday that you were COM
ing out to dinner with me. "-Philadel-
phia Press.
He was wandering in Ireland,
and came upon a couple of men ''in
hollis" rolling on the road The man
on top was pummeiing the other with
in an inch of his life. The traveller
interviewed. cts an internal shame to
strike man when he's down. said he
IF you knew all the trouble I had to
get him down. was the reply, ''you
wouldn't be talking like that."--Sport-
ing Times.
Elizabeth had ceased to leave her
palace, and sat muttering to herself,
''Mortua, sed non sepulta.' ''Your
majesty should move to Philadelphia, .
advised {. courtier; then, instead of
being dead, but not buried you would
/ be buried, but not dead" Herewith
the queen summoned strength to send
him to the Tower, for the advice,
though sound, was i'll timed.-New
York Tribune.
Mrs. Teacup-"Oh Mr.. Tubbs, I was
oo ucitSuleQ When uedTu that you
were such staunch champion Of the
temperance cause" Tubbs-"Why-er
I'm not exactly" Now, don't
try to hide your light under bushel,
Mr.. Tubbs. know, because 1 heard
George say that you have been a booze
fighter all your life. He said that you
punished more of it than any ten
men in the state."-Life.
Full directions: your husband is a
floor walker in a department store,
isn't hep" yes" Then, why don't
you have him get UP and walk the
floor with the baby when she cries."
/ Il can't wake him up. When 1 shake
him and tell him what's the matter be
mumbles something about soothing
syrup in the drug department, three
alsles down, and then goes to snoring
again. Chicago Tribune.
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