West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1902-05-01
THE RURAL POSTMAN.
Very Strange and Funny Things Are
Always Happening on His Route.


he solemnly replied. "you know was
married about six months ago"
eyes"
''Six,y years old aud went and married
gal of ?, Folks said was an old fool,
bu, went righ, ahead. They told me tha,
the gal had a bad temper, but didn't mind
II, Thought could baby her up il she
got mad. )"
"And has anything happened. Uncle
Zeb Z"
"iieaps of things. Abe, and wan, your
advice. I've tried love and kindness asd
all that. hut i, don, do no good. Only an
hour ago my wife flung stick of wood at
my head. She's a regular wildcat, Abe.
She flies mad about the least little thing.
and It's no use for me to say a word. II 1
started TO jaw back, she'd set the house
aiire Lord, but, what an old fool was :"
"And wha, do you want my advice
about p'' asked
''she's got one Of her tantrums on now,
and believe oHgh, to 20 in and box her
ears, same as IL she was sulky child. I've
heard iha, some wives jcs, ached to he
hossed aud was all the better for being
cuited around. What do YOU think about it3'
''Vou nigh, Try it for chance"
81 believe I'll do IL. believe the best
way is to mingc love and cuffs together.
Yes. IN 80 in and tell her she's got to walk
chalk OF take a euflin', and You might hang
around few mnits aud see how it turns
oui"
waited, but no, for long. Uncle Zeb
hadn't been in the house FIVE minutes before
heard scteeching, and next minute he
banged the dcor open and jumped out aud
made for the barn. His young wife, having
the booijack in her hand, was close after
him, aud from the sounds OF ihumps and
whacks think she oveibauled him in tho
barn and let him know that she was still
boss of the roosi. Two miles farther on, AT
Whites Corners, | found lion Blackburn,
Whites hired man, and the old man wilkins,
iawing away at lively rate Both Of 'em
wanted TO tell me all abou, il as soon as
came up. II was case of jealousy. Both
ot EN- were paying attention 10 the Widow
Skinner, and she hadn't decided which she
would marry. "Jus, think" yells Jim as
he kicks the frozen mud about-'jusi think
of an old codger who's had three wives and
has one foot in the grave waniin' to marry
agin J"
"And think of The impudencc Of the likes
Df ~ IL.
skinner p howls the old man as he dances
around
"Wby, he's go, 'Ieven children %
"And he couidn', buy shoes for a wife -
go home and take ca,nip tea ~
"And you 60 TO grass !''
BY and by. when they had Gained down
little, ] suggested tha, the widow was the
one to decide between them and that they
had better walk along TO her house in com
pany and have it over with
'I'li SO, Of course. says Jim, "but
know she'd never marry no old crowbait
like him"
"And she'll set the dog on you :" replied
the old man wilkins as he pulled off his
They didn't have 20 take walk. As
they were still jawiog each other the widow
came driving along IN her oue-horse wagon,
aud il was agreed ,ha, should state the
case for both.
'WIdow Skinner. says as met her
few rods away, 'hcre's two men as is ready
/ 10 die for love Of You"
'llow beautiful = laughs the widow.
Each loves you with all his soul, and IL
you marry one the other will look for mud
puddle deep enough to drown himself"
''I;'s really romantic 20 she laughs again
''But what are you going TO do about it ?
Pears TO me you ought 10 settle il one way
or the other
So will" she says, and she bcckons 'em
/ both forward and smiliogiy told 'em she'd
been married to Joe Wheeler two weeks
and was jus, letting out the news Then
she bid good day and drove away 20 look
/ over her shoulder aud laugh. and after q
long time the old man wilkins leans against
The fence and says;
'WaaI, by thunder -
Then Jim Blackburn gets brace for his
WabbIing knees md whispers
"Who'd thuuk it ?"
! And heard later on that they stood
there looking a, each other without speak
| iug a word for a full hour. / drove on.
thinking Of various things connected and
disconnected with the postal laws, aud had
! just turned into the Two Mile road when 7
overlook Ben Thompson wife and offered
he's lift saw ihs, she had been
weeping, bu, asked no questions, and She
presently ssia
ABE, left my old maa."
! ''Sh0o o. says1
"Yss, I've left him al last. and I'm going
to stop with ny sister Polly Tor a few DAYS. .
"Wbafs the matter this timcf'
Same thing Abc-samo thing that's
been the matter for 20 long years I've
stood IL and stood II. bu my patience is
gone ~ last don't believe any other
woman on earth would have stood Il half
/ as long as have
But what burden have You been called
/ upon 90 bcar2 asks not having ever
/ heard of any trouble between them.
Jonah aud the whale. Abe Jonah aud
/ tic whale. she solcmnly replies The
\ day We was married Ben asked me If I
believed the whale swallowed Jonah. :
/ told him didn't lie said he did and that !
ought 70 believe with him He's kept IL
up ever since. He's got up in the morning
and asked me. and he's come in az noon
and night and asked me. and there have