West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1902-04-17
A TRAMP'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
He Gives a Pointer and starts Town
Boom, but Keeps On Wandering.


came to a place where the gang wa.
making Gil through a basin. The engi
neers were there, aud after looking abou,
a little while walked up TO one OF thcn
and said
May take II that you are the boss oI
this Job 2
" You may and be hanged to you' he
replied as stialy asit he owned the earth
Perhaps you've figured things out to
your satisfactionT l continued after a bit
(" AS TO how hce" he says
AS to that calvert over there. You've
got eighty rods OF roadbed across the low
ground and only one culvert to carry the
waiter OF. You are short by two
HE gets up rs u TO call some OF ths
ntvvics TO run me on but. as don't scare
he looks me up and down for a while and
snccrs:
1" Perhaps you are prodigy moving
about on wheels to teach other folks their
businesss
+" No; only a dilapidstcd gentleman ou
walking tour for his health. You arc
wrong about the culvort. however. Look
at the watershed on this side. This sink
is a natural catch basin for a thousand
acres OF land In steady downpour every
acre will run off 8 900 gallons OF water an
hour. That's about aoo, 1000 gallons for
your watershed. Your culvert Is six feet
wide and five feet high. Just figure its
capacity by the hour, will your
"He sat down and figured for minute.
and there was a look OF trouble on his face
as he finished.
Your culvert is just half large enough,
says ]. and that's only for an average
shower Suppose you have cloudburst.
In ten minutes your roadbcd is covered
out OF sight or swept away.
'Who-who the devil are youp he asks
as his eyes opened very wide.
Only dilapidated gentleman as
told you. I'm not hungry. and am not
asking for cash. Excuse my cheek, viii
YOU but saw that you hadn't culvcrts
enough Good day.
"He watched me out OF sight without
saying another word" continued the c.
q. ID man, and, though never saw him
again. passed over that road a year later
and found that he had Increased the cul.
vorU to three and that they we're only
sufficient to carry off the water. That same
week 90 miles farther West. came across
farmer who was trying to grub out
living on the worst land ever saw, The
soil would hardly grow weeds and ihistles.
and was all IN humps and ridges as If
heaved by an earthquake. The farmes
stood at his gate with lonesome took on
his face, and, though he had nothing but
pork and meal In the house. he invited me
In TO supper AID offered me lodgins In the
barn.
"'Why don't you do somethingi /
asked as we sat outdoors after the even.
ing meal.
" I'm going to. says he. I'm going TO
hang myself In day or two
Can you raise sfooi
\ might by making clean sweep"
"'Then do H..
That night wrote him prospectus OF
'Milburn City on some fly leaves torn out
OF book aud in an hour had him bnb
bling over with ambition. That prospectus
was n daisy even II do say IT, II made
his farm the junction oi four railroads. II
brought in great manufacturing plants and
erected churches. schools and warehouses.
il built bridges, laid down trolley lines
and opened banks. IL predicted a popuIs.
ton OF 10000 within Two years and gave
such figures on natural advantages that
could see second Chicago rising out OF
the darkness Then wrote out another
bill for an auction sale. and next day we
went into town and got the printer at
work. II was dead easy all round. All
VIC had to do was TO set up an Office IN the
back end OF saloon and talk 'Miburn
City That old farm was stsked out into
town lots. and when auction day came they
went like hot cakes. Over half OF them
were sold In three hours. and within three
days all were gone and the people crying
Tor more. II the farmer hadn't been an
honest man. hc could have sold some OF
them three time over. but he stopped short
at twice"
"Well' was qucried as the tramp
paused
Well he cleaned up about Sac. 900 after
paying all expenses. and there hadn't been
: kick from anybody No one had asked
when those four railroads were to come
along or what detained the churches and
schools He'd bought me a decent suit Of
clothes and paid my way. and I'd kept the
boom going for him. ono day when things
rad been wound up, hc turns to me and
says
'Dilapldacd, I'm no migrate. ! owe all
Ibis TO you. But for your fertile brain
should sill have been grubbing thistles.
VIII you take 5000 and call Il square.
81 told 1 a Il
10 the bank TO get the money was won.
icfing what would do with II and feeling
onesome TO think might have TO quit the
'osd when man walks In and asks
'Dilapidatcd. where's the rounder of
dilburn City about just now
Over az the bank, says
"1il bet you ten 70 one he isn't says he.
Where them
lie dropped dead OF heart disease fs
minutes ago. and they arc nov taking tho
jody home ~ a wagon.
~, was true. sighed the tramp. "The
excitement had been too much for him
ind be- had been gathered 20 his fathers.
ifler the faneral at which was more or
ess conspicuous the widow sent word
hat she wanted TO see me- } called and
.ho wiped her tears away and said
'DIapidsted I'm no migrate.
80. ms'm
Neither am ! q fool Ny old man had |
.tafted TO give you - 600 when he fell
lead rs understand IT,
'Yes'm.
Well be was a fool and might have
,nown that he'd be knocked over Here's
10. and It's every cent you'll get
It's Ss too much says
Then l'll take fvc on
'And that's exactly what she did
nlled the boomer. and bundled up my !
iuds and logged on without cuss word. |