Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-10-04
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

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How much sooner it gets too dark to
saw wood than it does to play golf
AtchiScn Globe.
1t takes a woman to wear a ball dress
and then kick about the mmodesty of
the bathing suit.-EXchange.
"Often," said the large-waisted phi
losopher, IAN epigram is an excuse for
something worse. Indianapolis News.
Chimmie-What kinder pie do you like
/ guess. aAh, / don't nTnP Ike pum nlnRh5n,
it muses. up yer ears so"'-Smart Set.
The Nicar-Now, boys, what animal
supplies you with boots and gives you
meat to eat?
First Boy -Father.-Moon-
shine.
Jaspar-MarcOni and Tesla were very
politely sarcastic to one another.
Jumpuppe-Yes. indeed They seem to
have swearless cussing down to u fine
point.-Judge.
''She seems TO be doing everything she
can possibly think of to ape high-toned
people" Eyes; she told me that she even
thinks of having an operation for appendi-
citis. philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
Mary "a Christian Scientist)-Why
haven't people as much faith in the Lord,
sir. as they have in doctors?
We'll, for one thing, my dear girl, the
Lord never pretends to be able to do
what he can't. Life.
Old lady Ito boy who has fetched her a
glass of water)-Thank you, my boy.
You were very quick about it.
Boy-That's nothin', ma'am. I'm used
to it. | had job carrying water to the
elephants in a circus.-Pick-M e-Up.
Manager-What is the matter with the
glass eatery
Assistant-He is getting too tony.
ManaGcr-How so?
Assistant-IIe refuses to eat anything
but cut glass. -Philadelphi Record.
HE FEILLEs.
A masher who lived in Marseilles
Was Il winner with giddy femeilles,
But girl from Bordeaux,
When he popped, snOrted: 'Neauxr
And it took all the wind from his settles.
Philadelphia Press.
I'm thinking of going hunting" said
Bloomfield to Bellefeld. do you know
anything Of the game laws|
Not MUCH replied Belefield, Except
that this is the open season for shooting
straw hats. '-Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele-
graph.
Bertha--I guess it's going to be a
match between Maude and Charley.
ConStance-So?
Bertha-Yes; Maude today spoke of
his suffering as a silent heSitancy in the
enunciation of words.-Boston Tran
script.
You sag your daughter is engaged
TO that young MANI Yes. | have at
last given my consent to their mar
is worthy of herr? He has already.
kicked him out three different tines
Yonkers Statesman.
The caller wore a pair of those spec
tacular shoes with soles projecting half
an inch beyond the uppers. Little Tim
looked at them for few moments in
silence. mir. Squilford, he said at last.
what you got cowcatchers on your shoes
for?"-Chicago Tribune.
Flooding Pete-What makes Weary
Willie So chesty this morning?
Trotting Tim-Oh, he read in a paper
last night that the volume of the worlds
commerce is two and a half or three
times as great as il was thirty years
ago.-Yonkers Statesman.
PA" said little Willie, who was
reading the evening paper, what does
Gas Trust mean?'
Gas Trust, my son. replied his IA
ther, means, for one thing, the abso-
Lutte confidence we are compelled to have
in the metre. f-Pbiladelp Press
rs he rich. you ask" said the man who
knows
To the one who wanted to learn
as he rich% Great Scott, / should say
he is
Why. he's got coal to burn
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
what ever became Of that prehistoric
man who was dug up in Kansas about
two months ago?' asked the individual
vho reads the papers. He is being
worked up into prehistoric novelsf" ex
planned the man who keeps pace with
literary Baltimore American.