davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
Mapgie's Apology.

William Pruette, the singer, was
one of a group of married men who
were discussing housekeeping and
servants the other evening in a Phila.
delphia hotel corridor. He told of q
girl who served him and Mrs. Pruette
well enough while they were living
in New York fiat several years ago.
and who one day went to Mrs. Pruette
in tears and asked permission to go
home for few days-she had a tele
gram tellinS that her mother was i'll
"Of course, co." said Mrs. Pruette-
only, Maggie, do not stay longer than
is necessary. We need YOU"
Maggie promised to return as soon
as possible, and hurried away A
week passed without a word from her.
then came note by mail, reading:
Deer Miss Pruete will be back
mex week an plese KEEP my place for
me. mother is dying as fast as she
can. To oblidg. Maggie. ."-Clevelan
Plain Dealer.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
Printed 80 Miles Away.


The most destructive fire in the his.
tory of Saratoga, N. Y. broke out last
Monday in the Arcade Building, the
principal business structure in the
town, and in a short time S3O0,0
worth of property was burned up, says
the Editor and Publisher. Five per-
sons we're burned to death and several
badly injured. The office and printery
of the Evening Saratogain were des-
stroyed. AS soon as it was seen that
the newspaper plant was destroyed,
themanager wired the management Of
the Albany, N. Y, Argus, and received
from the Albany company tender Of
its plant for the evening edition of
the Saratogian. The staff of the Sara
toga paper quickly cove- cd the fire and
gathered up other news and advertise
ing copy to fill the paper, boarded
train for Albany, which lies thirty-nine
miles away, and the stuff was written
and set up in the Office of the Argus
A big edition of the Saratogian was
run off on the Argus presses, put upon
train for Saratoga and distributed
In the latter city on time At last
accounts the Saratogian was still get.
ting out on time with the aid of the
Albany plant.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
REASONING WAS GOOD.
Humble Bill Collector Gets Best Of
Colouuy with Bad Debtor.

Humble Bill Collector Gets Best Of
coIIoquy with Bad Debtor.
What is known as the Bellevue
cafe set" is reported as shriel1ing
with laughter over the retort given
a pretertious young man who is rid
den by fallacy that his lager-beer
income is sufficient to indulge his
champagne thirst, as it Were. He
manages, by considerable exeition, to
dress the Part, but has not yet found
a tailor willing to give him his
clothes. One fashionable outfitter
dunned him until his landlady showed
signs of rebellion against answering
the doorbell. He managed to raise
the necessary amount, left word that
the collector should be admitted on
the next visit, and, handing over the
money IN exchange for the recelpted
bill, said loud enough to be heard
three flights up:
There's your money! And now
will you mind telling me, if you can,
what in the devil your employer
meant by sending you here eighteen
times to collect his petty little ac-
count?"
I'm not sure, sir" replied the col
lector respectfully; but it may be
because seventeen calls failed to eff
feet a payment. Thank you, sir.
Good-morning! New York Times.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
A Windy ScarecroW.

In the way of scarecrows a Delavan
Lake man will probably take all pre-.
miums offered for some years to come.
The name of the inventor is Joseph
Kiel Of Delavan, Wis. His scarecrows
are operated by windmill, connected
with a number of horse-fddles. bells
and cans. When the windmill is in
motion the hand plays and there is q
din that can be heard for mile.
When the apparatus was first opet
ated every bird in the neighborhood
took fight and few have found theiI
way back. Kiel threatens TO run the
machine by electricity if the wind
fails, and all the resorters around the
lake are afraid he will do It,
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
UNCLE SAM RAISES sPoNaEs.
Experiments Intended to Foster and
Develop Industry.

''NN'NSN ~ N''N
Develop Industry.
The United States is engaged in ex.
periments intended to foster and de.
velop the sponge-raising industry in
this country. @
The only sponge state in America is
Florida, off the coast of which lie the
great sponge banks, OF late they have
not been yielding the quantity desired,
SO the United States fish commission
has set out to plant sponges in Florida
Keys.
AS yet their efforts have not been
rewarded with any great degree of
success. The sponges which they plant
refuse for some reason to grow, but
the scientists in the governments EN-.
ploy will not give up. The United
States fish commission ship Fish
Hawk is still cruising about Florida
waters, and the sponge scientists are
keeping right on planting sponges.
BY experiments which they are now
conducting they intend to demonstrate
at what depth sponge can grow, and
they expect to explode the old theory
that fifty feet is tho limit
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
SOME QUEER NEGRO TRAITS
Noted BY Traveller During Recent
Trip THROUGH the South.

A great popularity of the black race
everywhere is it's love of gossip and
its madness to spread news. You do
not have to advertise for a servant in
the South You mention that you need
one and servants begin to call and ap
ply within an hour after you have ey
pressed your wish. The news spreads
because no two negroes ever pass II
the streets without speaking to each
other Even though they are tota
strangers they invariably halt and gos
sip. Everything that happens in @
town over r 'ght is known in every
kitchen early in the morning, and
every servant burns to tell it to hei
employers. A fire, robbery, a
quarrel between man and wife, a case
% Illness, the arrival of visitor, per
eaps the mere contents of letter con
cerning matters unintelligible to the
servant who hears it read-all these
things fly from mouth to mouth aud
kitchen to kitchen. You may watch
your kitchen and think that you have
made sure that no negro has called
upon your cook, or maids between
breakfast and lunch, and yet at lunch
the waitress will let fall the gossip
Of the place since breakfast
1t is just the same in Africa. There
they ,all the process "the Kafir tele'
graph" When was there many a
battle was heard of "in the air" at
Cape Town, Kimberly and Port Eliza.
beth day or even SO hours before the
uews came by electric telegraph. The
negroes brought the news, and it was
considered sufficiently reliable to af.
fect the values of African securities,
The news was carried hundreds, even
y 1,C00 miles, by the Kafllrs. They
shouted it from man to man, they sig.
aalled it from Kopje to kopje and kopje
TO welt, they ran 100 miles with it for
20 pay for the love of gossip. Sud
ienly it was gossiped in the homes OF
Cape Town, and on more than one oc-
rasion Samuel j. Pryor, now of the
Daily Express, got full days advan'
tage of his competitors by cabling this
Kaffir gossip to London. In South
Africa it is taken for granted that the
negroes will know the news at least
as soon as any white man.--Julian
Ralph, in New York Mail aud Express.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
He Was an IInr1nnn.

A sallow-faced, feyered-looking man
of thirty-five called at the Office of a
Brooklyn hospital and asked to be ac-
cepted as patient.
What 10 your occupaticn?" asked
the doctor after examining the patient.
81 am an immune"
Immune from whatp
"From yellow fever. am employed
by firm doing business in Porto Rico.
My employer prefers people who are
in no danger Of catching the disease.
He is afraid of getting it himself, so he
took me on because l am safe"
"But you are suffering from yellow
fever, my friend"
II know" answered the fevered i'm.
mune. Cant you call the disease by
some Latin name? My boss is the big,
gest crank you ever saw If he finds
out the nature Of my illnes1 he'll dis
charge me."-New York Commercial
dvertiser.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
Japarese New Woman.

The Japan Woman's University is
said 20 have adopted baseball in a
modified form as an exercise for its
students, says the Japan Times. The
modification made by a gymnastic
teacher consists of increasing the
number of bases to FIVE instead of
tour' and of shortening the inter-base
distance The field will therefore be
psntasonal In shape The heading of
this note may sound Objectionable, but
In using 1t we do not of course in.
slnuate that our new women he
have eXtravagantly, as their sisters IN
the West are supposed to do. Tho
creation Of new women" adopted
for national requirements, is an in.
evitable consequence of the new state
Of affairs In Japan.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
InatruetIenst subaerIheru.

PosrAcE-The postage to all parts Of the
wRited statee and Canada Is paid by the
OabuShers.
KrMrTANoSs Of small sums may be made
nth comparative safety In ordinary letters
buns OF one dollar or more must be Sent by
registered letter or post-oflce mon, order /,
pthorwise, We cannot be reSponsible for same
GRANGE OF ApDREsB-subscrip ripers wishing
lAeir address changed must invariably give
their former as well as new address.
MIssrEo NuMBERs---It occasionally happens
that numbers Of our paper sent to subscribers
gre lost or stolen in the mails. In case you
Dc not receive any number when due, write
as poetal card, and we will oheerfully fur
a;sE duplicate OF the missing number.
Mstr IMPORTANT OF ALL--1n every letter
shat y12 write us, never fail TO give your full
address plainly written. name, post-oftlOe.
county aSa1 State
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
Euns and MIX in nookblndlna.

It seems somewhat surprising
statement to make that eggs, con-
densed milk, olive oil and vinegar are
all used in the binding Of books. Yet
such is the case.
The white of egg is used for "siz,,
ing" to cause the delicate ornamental
gold-leaf to adhere to the leather. To
make the Sizing" perform its adhe'
sive work even more delicately, lit.
tie milk is added; and to help further
in the important work Of adhesion, a
coating Of olive oil or diluted vinegar
is sometimes applied to the leather.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
narIno.couId sun Active.

Though close upon 70 years of age
Mr.. Baring-Gould, the author Of more
books than any living Englishman, is
as upright to-day as he was thirty
years ago. He attributes this erect
ness to his invariable custom of writ
ing at high desk in standing posi-
ton. Mr.. Gould always writes with
a quill pen, and his manuscript Is not
beloved by printers. AS a relaxation
from literary work Mr.. Could, like the
late Mr.. Gladstone, often spends a
couple Of hours ehopping down trees.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
New Me-, Of the World.

Consul General Williams of Singa.
pore writes to the Independent to pro-
pose reconstruction of the map of
the world. He would have us make
an exchange with England of our Phil
ippine possessions for Newfoundland
and the British West Indies and the
Bahamas, and incidentally he would
have England cede Honduras to Mex
lico. and have Great Britain, France
and Holland give up their claims to
Guiana which should be made a sep
.arate nation under our protection. He
thinks that it would be good riddance
for us If we should thus transfer the
Philippines to a power that wants
them, and that we should gain in
prestige and power by confining our
selves wholly to this side of the middle
of the Atlantic and Pacific oceans,
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
Politicians Barracks,

Politicians Barracks is tho
name which Senator Hanna laughing
ly conferred upon the new dormitory
at Kenyon college at Gambler, Ohio,
Of which the cornerstone will be
laid on June 25," said Mr.. Jacob Ehr-
hardt Of Cincinnati at the Arlington
the ether night. "It will stand a monu-
ment to his spontaneous generosity,
which was demonstrated to be Of a
quality possessed by few men. The
dormitory will be built with a check
for 100000 given by Senator Hanna,
who attended an alumni luncheon at
the college in 1901. He made little
speech which followed that Of a man
who had pointed out the great need
for a dormitory.
Without any preliminary intima-
tioE of his intention, Senator Hanna
quietly remarked that he would be
glad to write a check for 100000 for
a new dormitory TO be called Poll
ticians' Barracks His offer dunn
founded the alumni present for a mo-
ment, and then they burst into ap-
plause.
"The hall will be called Hanna hall,
in honor of its donor, who however,
in his modesty, would prefer that it
be known by the title he loosely con-
fegral imam t"s-Waakju-rtaa Times.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
Farewell Concert.

Mr.. Grimalkin-"Miss Yowler gave a
concert on the back fence last night
1t was positively her last appearanceg'
Mr.. Maltese "Humph! Same old
fake, eh?"
Mr.. Grimalkin-"No! Fact, assure
you. There was a man in the audience
with a shotgun. Puck.
Son-"Extremely So"
Fond Mother EconomicalT
Son-"Very."
Fond Mother-"And does her cooking
equal mineY
Son-"Mother, / cannot tell a lie.
When it comes to culinary art wSrk
she's got you beat a block."-Chieago
News. -.-------.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
He Found Out.

'I think" she said, that klssing's
foolish, don't your
"Well," he replied, "there certainly
is a good deal of foolishness connected
with it,"
They looked earnestly at each other
a little while. Then she wiggled
around and said:
''Oh, dear! feel so foolish this even.
ing! 1 wonder what's the matter with
e."-Chicago Record Herald.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
A Different Point of Wow.

whats that crowd watchingY
"Oh! It's the man who guesses at
your weight"
Isn't that interesting! And who is
the attraction for the other crowd over
thereY
"That's the man who guesses at your
age"
Isn't that disgraceful! 1 don't un.
derstand how the police can permit it,"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
THE GREAT JOKE, DEA1R
Funny side of Dying often Treated OF In
Literature.


Literature.
"Death," said a publisher, "has been
treated humorously in our literature
often. Indeed, am quite sure that a
collection of many thick volumes might
be made under the title Of Deaths
Funny Side A New Yorker is bring
ing out a book Of quotations on death
as joke, and this will be, fancy, the
first volume Of its kind to appear III
the world. The quotations in 1t are
clever in a hard, rough way. Here is
one Of them:
"Billy, in one Of his nice new sashes,
Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes;
Now, although the room grows chilly,
l haven't the heart to poke poor Billy
Another runs:
"Tn the drinking we'll
(Which the plumber built here)
aunt Eliza fell
We must buy'a filter
~And one not at all bad is:
"Malling toast at the freside,
Nurse fell in the crate and died;
And, what makes it ten times worse,
All the toast was burned with muse
"Thomas Hood" the publisher went
on, twas one Of our best writers of
shis sort of verse. Dent you remem
Der his ballad on tie young sailor who
died heartbrokea over his girls un'
faith? The last stanza was:
His death, which happened ia his berth,
At forty.e id befell
They went and told the sexton, and
The sexton tolled the bell
Hood dill another ballad on the sub.
ject of a soldier who lost both legs in
battle, who was in consequence Tilted
by his sweetheart, and who then hung
himself. Now, that is rather tragic, is
it not? 1t has bizarre, but none the
less poignant, tragic note. Guy de
Maupassant, indeed once handled il
from the opposite viewpoint, and don't
you remember how he narrated the
first, the crucial, meeting Of the lovers
after Ben Battles double amputatiop? =?
"But when he called on Nellie Gray
She made him quite a scoff;
And, when she saw his wooden legs,
Began to take them off.
80 round his melancholy neck
"A rope he did entWlne,
And for the second time in life
Enlisted in the line,
And there he hung till he was dead
AS any nail in town;
For, though despair had cut him up,
1t could not cut him down.
"There is a tremendous literature Of
humorous sketches. There must be- I
fancy, 10000 Of these, but two of them
are all can recall. The first goes:
"Here lies the body of mild Maria,
She went, one day, to start the fire,
But the wood was green,
So she used kerosene,
And now she's where the fuel is drier.'
"The other is grimmer:
"Life is a lie, and all things show it.
l thought so once, and now know it,
"Then there are songs on the side
splitting aspects Of death, some Of
which have caused tender-hearted la
dies to double up with mirth. Johnny
Jones and His Sister Sue is one such
song, and l bet that six people out Of
ten in America know it by heart.
"Yes," the publisher concluded, sun
der the title of Deaths Funny Side
an anthology Of many, many volumes
could be made. The anthology should
be bound in black pigskin with grin
ming skulls and crossbones fooled in
gold on it."-Philadelphia Record.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
The Phrase Survives.

"Beg pardon" said the man who hat
been writing in the hotel reading
rooms, "but how do you spell innocu.
ousP"
His neighbor gave the desired infor-
nation.
"Thanks," said the writer, "and-er
by the way"
"The other word" interrupted the
bright informant, SIS d-e-s-e-u-t-u-d-e."
Philadelphia Press.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
Not Particular.

Landlady - "What portion Of the
chicken would you like, Mr.. New
comer?"
Mr.. Newcomer-"Oh, half of 1t will
be amplp, thank you."-Chicago News
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
OU;jiRs ;jis BUDGET
4m OF HUMoR.
All Kinds.

This life is nothing but a game;
Such is the poets sing-song.
Sometimes it is like checkers, tame,
And sometimes brisk like ping-pongl
Washington Star.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
Necessary Course.

Madge-"Does your mother let you
read historical novelsW
Marjorie-"Yes, but she makes me
study history as an antidote."-New
York Sun.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16

"Professor, why do you always carry
that big book around?"
"Why, you see, it's a directory. 1 so
otter forget where live, you know
New York Journal
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
nstier Pies rhan nIother Made.

Fond Mother - "Well, how do you
like married life by this timeT
Son-"Oh, first rate"
Fond Mother-"Is your wife amia'
bleP
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
-
siIsnt Crltics

Beryl-"A good deal is thought Of her
singing"
Sibyl-"It's merciful they don't put
their thoughts into words. Baltimore
Herald.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16

The Frlend-"Are you sure she loves
your
The Lover-"Of course! Don't she
let me carry her little baby brudder
around all day fer herY-New York
Journal.
The suburban citizen., 1902-08-16
Assume Prosperity.

Look prosperous and the world will
take you at your own valuation. New
York Press. ------------------- ----. . ,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1902-06-14
Self-Protected Plants.
From the Century.


In the green hills one loves to lie on the
grass, to brush against the trees to pick
twig here and there and taste the tart
sap; but the desert allows no such familiar
ity. Everything that lives within it's con-
fines is either armed or armored. Every
cactus stalk is covered with myriad of
spines and hooks as sharp as needles, that
warn one to keep his distance. Tread not
on the cactus with your heavy shoes even
for the barbed spines will often pierce thick
leather; every rider of the plains has had
the experience of picking cactus spines
from his bare flesh. The mesuut tree.
which is near relative of the honey-lo-
Gust, Is covered with thorns, so that you
treSpass at your peril; the cats claw
strikes at you as you pass, tearing your
clothing and decorating your skin Even
the agaves and the yuccas the green To-
liage of which looks soft enough In the dis
lance, are armed with leaves each of which
is a double-edged sword with a spear point.
the leaves of the spreading punches of
bear-grass, which covers a thousand des-
ert hills, often the only vegetation to be
seen for miles. are stiff, needle pointed
and rasp-edged that no animal ever ven
lures to touch them. Even the greasewood
and the strange paloverede tree-the green
pole" of the Mexicans, a tree with
branches. but with almost invisible leaves
while having no spines, yet know well
how to protect themselves. Break off a
twig of either. and the smell of 1t that
clings to your fingers will cure you well of
further desire to NEEDLE.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1902-06-14
Travelling in an Auto.
From the London Autocrat.


We went up and down the crowded and
narrow streets of Biarritz at about fifteen
miles an hour, but that was slow. At last
we emerged into the country, and my
chauffeur proceeded to show me what he
considered a fair travelling pace 1t was a
small Panhard cur. with movable head
and curtains, intended to keep out sun and
dust. l soon began to feel the sensation
which dry pea must experience in it's pod
and holding on by the rail on either side of
my seat 1 steadied myself We flew
through villages crowded with children
dogs and old women; down hills where
carts slowly drawn by oxen threatened us
at every turn; up hills where men and pa
tient oxen again had barely time to save
themselves and their carts from complete
destruction: past donkey carts. old women
driving pigs to market, fOragng pigs in
quisitive fowl. lazy ducks and dogs that
would lie in the middle of the road all of
whom by merciful Intervention of proyi-
dence escaped instant death. Not one hu-
man being, animal or bird did we hurt in
the awful ride. and al the end. when. worn
out by anxiety, nearly dead with fatigue
and buried In dust, we pulled up at the end
or our journey, our chauffeur cheeriIy
jumped OF his seat.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1902-06-14
Game in the Congo.

From the Geographical Journal.
The natives are not heavy meat eaters.
The domestic fowl-that marvellous corabi-
nation of skin. bone and feathers-the old
friend of all African travellers, and the in
evitable bleating goat are common to all
districts. There are also some sheep to be
had. But the darling pet of Congo man
is his pig You can treat his wife and chill
dren as you like. but if you touch his pig.
beware. To kill mans pig that breaks
through your fence and digs up your vege-
table garden Is to commit the objectionable
sin. and the owner never fOrgiyes you.
Hogs flesh is equally dear to him. Game in
some parts is plentiful. but more especially
in Zombo- There We have several kinds of
deer. antelopes and wild hares; the only
difficulty is to bag them. Guinea fowls,
cartridges and pigeons abound. and there
are some pheasants, and in the. swampy
valleys We find wild ducks and many other
birds. Eagles. vultureS and other birds of
prey are common, and very annoying, while
the woods are Respondent with the gor-
geous plumage of the birds. Elephants,
buffaloes and leOpards are to be found. but
must be sought for in the more sparsely
populated districts.