Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1902-05-19
HOUSE CLEANING.
Delightful Event of the Month
Of May.
All Its Beauties As Set Forth by
John Quill.
I
Pleasures Of Carpet Beating and SINH
Work.


m early, call me early, mother dear.
must have had in mind the balmy month
Of may when all Nature gets up and
moves and the housewife with the rest
It's a month You look forward ia with
the same degree of pleasure as does tn
criminal t. the electrical chair.
1t takes the first two weeks to move
things out and the last two weeks n
move them back again and the other
eleven months i'll the year to find inst
where YOU put the things that YOU moved.
On the whole il is the gladdest hannfe, Il
month of all the sad new wear for th,.
housekeeper.
You don't have TO lie awake NIGHTS r.
plan what you will do. Your wife does
that for You and when YOU leave the
nome roof after breakfast for your place
Of business everything is as calm and
serene as an Italian sunset. Not a cIo,d
on the horizon to indicate the approacb
of the house clearing storm that is
about to center and burst over your
peaceful premises but when vou re-
turn at noon things are different The
tornado has struck and the devastation i
complete The air is full of step ladders
soap suds ana carpet tacks. with her,
and there a carpet or TWO waiting for the
hand Of man To- fam the dust out of it,
AS you approach the house vour wife
meets You lit the door with her mouth
full of tacks and her head swathed in u
bandanna handkerchief, looking like the
tambourine girl with street hurdy
gurdy. You mildly inquire if the cyclone
has spent its fury and if anybody else If
the neighborhood has suffered any more
than you have.
Being assured by Your wife that its only
the spring house cleaning YOU take cour-
age and venture into what was once the
living room. Not vestige of the old
time cOsiness is there Even the pictures
are turned toward the wall. The table i;
heaped mountains high with every con
ceivable article ever made by mortal man.
The chairs are receptacles for all the
choice brc-a-brac that once adorned the
room and made it look homelike. In the
dining room instead of setting down be
fore the snow white cloth and choice
china You are accustomed to see YOU
are cordially invited to assume a perper-
dicular position on an inverted nail key
or the upside Of a soap box and eat a
picked up dinner off d piece of speckled
oilcloth. spread on the ironing table.
Even the dishes look as if they had been
picked W on the dump and the usual
blessing that goes with the monday meal
has Il flaw in it, AS you balance your
self on your rickety seat YOU feel like
singing, ron, Dust Of Ages Left for Me-
The usual MONDAY tete-a-tete with
your wife YOU omit for good and sufff-
cicnt reasons and try to sneak out of the
house unobserved. But not successful I'M
I'll YOU have been drafted into the ser
vice and have chief engineered the move
ing Of several stoves and three-quarters
of mile Of funnel ana a few other light
things like refrigerators and sideboarda
that weigh something less than a ton.
Then Won are permitted to take arnica
bath. pick the big water blisters on both
hands and depart for your place of bust.
ness.
AT night you delay your home coming
rs long as possible but the thoughts tina.
be it ever 50 cluttered there is no place
like home, moves you toward your domI-
ellie and you cautiously approach and
insert the key in the lock wondering what
new surprises will be in waiting for you.
You push the door open Just wide enough
To- admit yourself to the hall. The lamp
has been removed for fear of injury and
the passage way is in Egyptian dark
ness You softly close your door and
start to grope your way to your room
when YOU catch both feet in the rug and
make q flying wedge among the debris
| that has been piled in the hall. The nois5
| Of the crash arouses the household and
most of the neighbors. You crawl out
! from under the heap with more bumps
| on you than a phrenologist could name
and in answer to your wife's inquiry
you assure her you are not injured at all
not in the least, just doing the thing fol
| fun while inwardly you are thinking o.
some of the warmest cuss words in YOU
Vocabulary.
| After picking up all the stray tack
| that have been left on the stairs yor
1 manage to get to bed without being
manned for life. Long about sunrise
when you hardly feel that you have beei
asleep your wife pokes her knuckles int
your ribs and informs you it is time t.
4 get up and beat the carpet so you ris'
with the lark and stumble down tins
| front stairs. falling over a piece of soa.
in your descent that you missed wheI