The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1902-08-16
I VIEWS OF
Y. A WOMAN
yHY SHOULD the most malgn-
. ant, fierce and fiery automobiles
w be painted red green and other

a sad, quiet black, like hearse, they
would not be such fearsome creatures.
AS they are, most of those huge ones
| look as If they had come straight from
the bad place and were on diabolical
| deeds Intent. If the Prince of Dark
ness needs any mortal means of loco
motion In pursuit of his business, he
probably uses a red automobile, or a
bright green one. There can be no sort
OF doubt that these big machines are
sentient creatures and know what they
| are about and thoroughly enjoy the
CONSERVATION they produce as they tear
| madly down the street breathing out
threatenings and queer odors.
The Horse sees them and says to
himself: That Is Demon! and he
Is going to do something awful to me
unless l am spry in getting over the
bill board or diving into that corner
drug store. Maybe though, might
better run down this bank and he
won't be expecting that, and will go
past while 1 have chance to turn
! around and flee for my life. The De-
mon doesn't look as If he could turn
as fast as l can and that Is my only
hope"
oo lie IlOISe CARRIES out Ills pan
with reasonable accuracy and there is
trouble for everybody in the vicinity
| except the automobile.
The Dog sees the big Automobile and
cries in terror: THAT Is new kind
of an Elephant and he means to step
on me. There is no use of my going
| mad or having a fit. That wouldn't
clear the way for me this time. I'm in
for it, and the only hope for me is to
| light out among the other people who
are running, and although I may get
few kicks, the Elephant may lose
sight Of me in the crowd. although, Of
course, he is after me only"
So the Dog runs into the crowd and
he tangles 1t up rather successfully.
and trips the people and causes large
sized panic and there are faintings and
weepings and tumult. Meanwhile the
ElSephant goes by with his trumpet
and the doctors have joy because Of
additional cases of nervous prostration.
The Child hears the great machine
and runs to see. He screams: "There
is the Bogie-Man for sure this time.
They told me If 1 wasn't good he would
get me, but he never has yet and
didn't think he would. But he's after
me now, and how 1 do wish l had
minded my dear mother and not taken
the preserves. Mother, dear, goodbye!
You will never see little Johnny again,
and now don't you wish you hadn't
been so uniind to him that time when
he only threw a few teeny, weeny
stones at Jimmy Baker?"
And the Child promptly tumbles
down in front of the awesome appari-
tion and the big Automobile rears up
on it's hind legs and says things about
idiots who let their children run loose
on the streets and cause so much both
er and strain to the machinery by rea-
son of having to stop so short. and then
it goes laundering on while several
individuals are yet having fits of vari-
GUS kinds on the sidewalk.
The Man coming round corner and
more or less in the center of the street,
hears hcarse blast from a horn and
at the same instant sees the monster
bearing down upon him from an un-
expected direction. He says q large,
round Damn and cuts very un-
dignified pigeon wing. II always makes
a man very mad to be placed in an un-
dgnifled position involuntarily. Gf he
does it of his own free will, that's a
different matter) So the Man is cross
all day and at night goes home and
takes it out on his family, and his wife
wonders why she didn't marry some
body else while she was young and had
a chance.
Then along comes the Woman and
along comes the Automobile. She Is
looking at another woman who has
some new kinks in the way of draping
her veil and doesn't see the enemy un-
til it is very close. All the remainder
of the population has taken to the sa-
looms or the nearest doorways. The
Woman suddenly stops, looks, listens,
because. like Kiplng's Kangaroo. she
has to. She is in the middle of the
road and doesn't know which way to
run, consequently she doesn't run, but
jumps up and down spasmodically in
front of rapidly approaching destiny.
You horrid Thing!" she cries, and
frantically shakes her parasol at it,
which, being red (the parasoD, only In
furiates the automobile (also retD the
more The horn blows hollow blast.
The steam or gas, or whatever may be
the spirit that makes an automobile
mote Cor is it ''mobe?') says unmen-
tiona BILE sentiments in a series of splut-
terings and fizzngs and splitting like
the cat of a witch. or course, the Wo-
man escapes. She always does that.
But she goes home and has Mysteries
and gets a prescription for a fortnight
at the seashore and her husband
thinks dark things of the automobile.
All the same, your feelings regarding
automobiles vary extensively with
your point of view. If you own one. it
seems altogether a deectable crea ture
unto you and you cherish 1t like
sweetheart or a Boston bull terrier, or
any other precious thing, even If in your
heart you are having nervous spasms
of fear of what 1t may do in freak
of temper. If you have friends who
possess one and who invite you to take
an occasional ride, you also cherish
fond regards for all autos. Indeed. you
are rather more Familiarity affectlonate
in your speech toward them than are
the owners themselves.
But If you are only the Man or the
Woman ON Foot, with never hope
that you will ever be nearer to an auto
than to be scared to death by 1t or
ground under it's wheels, you entertain
fierce hatred for all the species and
mediate on tragic things you would
like to do to the entire tribe, particu-
Green Terrors that are abroad in the
land, but which, after all, add interest
to life when 1t is rather monotonous.