The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1902-02-28

"Cord' is different from 'word;'
"Sow" is COW. but low is low;
,, Shoe Is never rhymed with "foe.''
And of "goosc"-and yet of choose
Think of comb and tomb and ''homh:
Doii .s ana "roll;' and "home' and
And since pay" is rhymcd with "say."
WY not paid, with ''sa1l.' pray?
. Me hnXe blood and food" and good"
Mould Is not pronounced like could"
wherefore dome" but gone and lone"
is there any reason known?
ana, In short, it seems to me
SOUNDS ana letters disagree.
Edwin L. Sabin in st. Nicholas
a passage of the debate between Sell
ator Hoar Of Massachusetts and Sen
ator Plat Of Connecticut, which was
omitted from the record, caused a lot OF
fun in the Senate. Senator Plat dtliv-
cred spread-eagle speech ON the dcs-
tiny of the people of the Western hemi-
sphere and incidentally took occasion to
make this remark about Senator Hoar:
''1n the sneers which the senator from
Massachusetts has seen fit to indulg,.
with reference to this most patriotic.
bene6cent work in the Philippine islands,
he refers, with his usual inaccuracy, to
statute
Senator Hoar patiently waited until
Senator Platt had finished and then, half
apologizing for OBTAINING the Senate aI
such Il late hour, remarked:
Ihe senator from Connecticut is en-
Pertaining us with feeble platitudes Oh
the destiny of this nation when the Fill
ipino babies are crying out for Mis-.
llatt $ soothing syrup
\ burst Of laughter from the galleries.
in which the senator's joined, interrupted
Mr.: Hoar Senator Ilatt, usually slow
and solemn in his movements, jumped to
his feet as if impelled by Il spring and
cried out that he objected.
nrctic'!t,' said Mr.. Hoar chuckliny. Il
anolo-ize: because | believe l should
have said Mrs. Winslow's soothing
SYRUP.
There was still more laughter and Sen
Ator platt sat down looking very angry.
Half an hour later, when Il motion to
was seen shaking Il long, threatening
finger at Senator Hoar. and the aged
statesman from Massachusetts WAS
heard to say in his cracked, penetrating
voice:
"Oh. forget that. platt. \ have apollo
gizcd. and | still apologize and aSscrv;,t"
that | did not mean Mrs. Platt'S Sooth
ing syrup.
"Whats your order, sir?" asked the
waiter.
"Ch-ch-rh-chceSc s--s-s-Sandwirh
and Il c--c-c-cup of c-c-c-c-cOffee."
said the suffering. customer.
"AnythinG clsc:'
"H-y-y-c*; A-a--a-a-aSk me-
"App!" ,i"?'
"N-n-n-nO.'
'i1cmon cream pir:'
"Cu~tard ric:"
"N-n-no.'
"Pn1npkin pie?'
,"f-y--y-yes! Th--th--that'S VIII
what | w-w-wantcd. b-b-b-.lt I
knew l never could s-s-say it in the
W W-W-w-world" '-Chicago Tribune.
a Mustered young woman. quite breath
less from fast walking, rushed up
tAlc steps of the mint the other afternoon
tind asked to be directed to the bureau
OF information.
''rhrrr isn't any replied a uniformed
messenger. very fat and somewhat
pompouS man. "pcrhaps / can tell You
what YOU want to know" he added.
"irrlapS you cam, said the w0mun.
producing Il copy Of Il somewhat frivu!
GUS weekly paper. Il want to know if
this is true Here she pointed to Il
paragraph which read:
"RcadrrS may he surprised to learn
coin mark"t.'
The fat: messenger adjusted his eye
glasses and scrutinizcd the paragraph.
While thus. ged the fair inquirer in-
formed him that she had four pennies Of
l)Ol date: and was DESTROYS of KNOWN"
where she could realize on them ut the
figure mentioned in the clipping
Instead: of answering, the fat man
laughed until the blood surgcd into his
face He then showed the clipping to
other attaches. who also laughed so long
and loud that the woman thought she
had happened by mistake into Il lunatic
asylum. Finally the rotund man re-
gasp;
Its joke: don't you see? I'll give
YOU $40 for 1901 cents. and be Il cent
ahead of the game. See?'
The young woman saw, and, like the
rich young man OF the Bible parable,
turned away exceeding ul.-Phi,-
adelphia Telegraph.
Her Meyer Lutz tells the following lit
tie story in Mainly About People: Con
Quoting once in Bradford, noticed that
and steady lad, jumped up good deal
during the progress of the opera. l
found that his father. who played the
trombone. sat Just behind him, and ey-
cry. now and then he gave his son a
kick. with the remark. Look out, Sam
my! There be a fiat a-cummin'.''
Mr.. Dooley on the niceties of orece-
dence and good republican form in the
treatment of royal VISITORS:
Suppose they're all settin' in the par
Tor an tn hired girl comes in an rings
tn bell f'r dinner. Ye'd say ivrybody
cut to tn Winds as soon as he can, til
man that paid f'r TIL food first an may
be Il fight or two in tn dureway. Not at
all. BY no means.
First tn King or Imp'ror. thin fifteen
minyitS later tn subking, thin tn family
iv tn King, thin amy morganatic rela-
tons. thin tn staff an so on. In tn
dinin' room ye'er idee is haste to TIL
place nearest tn duck. Wrong. No
wan must set down till tn King sets.
Thin wan be wan down tn line accord
in to rank. The rankest down first.
Asther tn dinner no scramble f'r til
rockin' chair an tn place near tn stove.
Out as We come linking, prince, jock.
earl, landgrab, Won, excellency, slob.
"lora'v II,