davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03
General Parker Heard the Goat
Swear.

Did you ever hear a goat swear?"
asked General Parker Of New Jersey, He
represents, ny the way, the district in
which the rifle range at Sea Girt is sit .
uated.
over at the rife range one day." said
General Parker, there was a team from
Georgia. which had with them cOlored
boy and a goat as mascots, The hoy was
dressed in brilliant uniform and the goat
had a fuzzy tai. Along came rifieman
who belonged to a rival team.
I'll give you a nickel for one of your
buttons he said to the hoy. and the
trade was made. Then the rifeman
pIucking some hairs from the goats tail.
rubbed them on the button. Now he
said. I have hoodooed your team. You
will never win the Hilton trophy
The colored boy burst into tears and
the goat said D-a-a-a- mn just as plain
ly as anything you ever heard in your
life.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03
Matrimony in Germany.

chicago news
Figures just issued by the Imperial
Statistical Bureau throw a practical light
on the modern matrimonial proclivities of
the German people. The showing of Ber-
lin is typical of the whole country. Dur
ing the year 1900 the number of couples
married was 20,756 October and April
were the favorite wedding months. Thir-
ty-two girls went to the altar between 16
and II years of age; 1874 were between II
and IS; 451 between Is and 10; 500 between
10 and 20, SiXty-three women married
over the age of So Several brides ac-
knowledged " years. The favorite mar
rying age for men was from % to &c years.
Two hundred and fourteen grooms were
over 90, and eight We're past 20 In the
q eatest number of cases the husband
was less than five years older than the
wife. In $50 cases the wife was older
in several cases as much as twenty to
twenty-five years. Blood relatives mar
ried in 120 cases, including 113 cousins, six
uncles and nieces, and one aunt and
nephew.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03
A 0Drink0 in Kentucky.

One day when senator-elect McCreary.
of Kentucky. was out looking after his
political fences. he stopped before a
house where there was a we'll in the yard
and asked for a drink.
Sorry, mister" responded the man of
the house, but there amt drop on this
here place, and m getting purity dry my
self"
isn't there any water in the well?" ex-
claimed McCreary.
"Of course there is blurted out the
man. IT didn't know your wanted water.
l thought you wanted a drink"
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03
Haunted by False Chinese National
Anthem

The Chinese Prince Imperial has been
visiting the courts of Europe and when
he struck Brussels there was, of course,
a tremendous official reception. All day
he was promcnadcd over the city and
everywhere he went he was met by a
tune that was monotOny itself. 1t droned
and wheezed, and every little while he
heard the rumbllng of tom-tom effects.
Goaded to desperation he, after while,
turned to one of the interpreters and ask
ed what tune it was that the military
band seemed so fond OF.
THE Chinese National Anthem" was
the reply of NJ. de Mot, the surprised bur
gomaster of Brussels. through the inter-
prefer.
But we have no national anthem" re-
Piled Prince Chen, land this tune was
certainly never heard in China"
1t seems that a willy European some
wears ago composed a weird melody, with
a tom-tom accompaniment and called it
the Chinese National Anthem
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03
~ KATE CLYDE ~
i HE BREEZY SHORG

lions of the season, while the white mus
lin girls watched timidiy and admiringly
from their corners.
There is one young woman here who
aims at original entertainment, and she
has organized what she calls color
evenings" They are nothing more than
porch parties where everything is deco
rated in. one color, and the guests, or
rather. the feminine portion OF them. APP
pear in the same color. The refresh
ments, too. are made to conform to this
plan. Thus you can speak of having a
pink or blue evening. Sounds rather
aesthetic doesn't it-as though you be-
longed to the Soul Culturists or some
such society?
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03

rung several times for ice water on a
warm night and Richard finally makes
his appearance with what looks suspi-
ciously like text book under his arm,
you have to control your somewhat, ex-
cited state of mind and say swestly,
Richard, will you have the Kindness to
bring me a little ice water if it is not
too much trouble%' If you put the re-
quest in sufficiently moving tones and
Richard sees the beads of moisture really
and truly trucking down your cheeks, he
may Ieisurely stroll down stairs and fetch
you up the water in half an hour or so
It's more likely. however. that he will
find a quiet corner and once more devote
himself to his volume.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03

orders of my doctor; but my life at Neu-
lily, removed from the feverish atmos-
phere of the theatre and of the boule-
wards, keeps me in good form. / take
douches and employ massage. After re-
hearsals | drive about in the Bots or sit
in the open air. This, with mental re-
pose, renews my strength
Mile. Marcelle Lender Of the Varieties
drives a great deal in the open air, as
does Mile. Yahue, who said: with plen-
ty of fresh air and with a contented
frame of mind L never fall i'll. L like to
walk and drive and enjoy an outing in an
automobile with bright and gay COM
pany."
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03

always indicate a weak heart.
Thcy are usually preceded OF
followed by palpitation or fut-
tering, and there may be pain
in left side, a smothering sem
sation and shortness of breath.
Such heart should be treated
at once, before the disease de-
velops beyond control. Heart
disease is as easily cured as other
troubles if taken in time.
ST was subject to fainting
spells, and many times l have
fallen on the street. l was often
compelled to sit down while walk
ing to avoid falling. When physi-
clans failed to help me, [ took
DR.. Miles, Heart Cure and was
completely cured"
CHARLES ID. RANDALL.
Ellicottville, n. Y
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03
Ill MA
New York v
How TO Look Young.

A French newspaper ascertained from
the most prominent actresses and singers
their methods of preserving their youth
ful appearance.
Sarah BeEnhardt declared that ceaseless
hard work is the secret of her good
health.
Nine. Bartet of the Coincide Franchise
said that she follows no particular regime
except that she always sleeps with her
windows open summer and winter and is
very fond Of walking in the open air.
Nine. Worms-Baretta of the Coincide
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03

1t. Extreme weakness usually follows the
taking of regular doses, and in some
cases the effect is difficult to tell from
that of alcohol.
But, the doctor finished, what is
the use of my telling that? Women will
try experiments on themselves"
Which is very true. Indeed. I think
they spend their whole lives trying to ex-
perments on themselves-and on other
people.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03

face of the strenuous demands of society.
There is only one thing which will
cause Richard and Cecilia to human
ize," and that is a tip. At first I was
almost afraid to offer one. Before the
end of the season l knew better. If 1
wanted my room well done and Cecilia
herself to maintain during the operation
at leasD an attitude trifle more toler-
ant toward myself out would come the
quarter. If 1 wanted Richard to remem-
Der to bring up my mail on the afternoon
when he was about to participate in the
ball game (he was relieved frequently
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03

women. On close
inspection 1t was
found that those
of the women
were made of
coffee e a V es.
These coffee Gig
arettes are the
latest thing, you
know. But it
does seem like
splitting hairs,
doesn't it?
A great deal of
white muslin is
worn, and by
those who are
not a bit white
musliny either.
This makes the
contrast at times
painful to one
who appreciates
harmony. A n d
you know those
new saShes which
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03
STORIES ABOUT PEOPLE.
Tried to Hitch His Wagon to a Star
Brooklyn Eagle. -

Tried to Hitch His Wagon to STAR
Brooklyn Eagle.
The tale Of the woman who asked q
sage for exhaustive information saying
Professor, we have five minutes before
dinner; will you tell me the history Oh
tha wor1d?" is nearly equaled in an at
tempt by London newspaper man 70 get
Joseuh Chamberlain to talk about the
Boer war, when the world was seeking
to find out what the British government
was thinking about the situation. 1t Is
related that the Colonial Secretary was
one day engaged in conversation with
friend in a well known LONDON hotei'
when a young man approached him.
MAY speak with you'a moment, Mr..
Chamberlain? he asked
Certainly" was the ready reply. as the
politician rose from his seat
IT cannot say it here" said the young
man. glancing nervously around.
Mr.. Chamberlain looked sharply at him
and then, his severity softening into pity
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03
The Panama Hat.

Chicago Tribune.
No longer may the husband point an
economical finger at the bill presented by
his wife's milIlrcr and refer to the Easter
bonnet as a blooming example of femi-
nine extravagance No longer may
Charles Augustus sheer with masculine
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03

graceful, DuL Ddu
for working pur-
poses. Then, too,
she filings the
towels at you
from the tips of
her well mani
cured fingers. At
all times she sur
veys you with
that exasperat-
ing air of secret
knowledge which
a great many
school teachers, |
notice, have. and
which drives you
wild because you
are aware that in
this respect you
are her inferior,
! since the little
] book learning you
managed to ac-
quire at Nine.
Q.'s school has
long since desert
cd won in tha
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03

The eminent German portrait painter
Franz Won Lenbach admires strawberry
blondes more than any other type of
women, though he declares that they are
SO ethereal that they cannot be happy
in marriage unless they are adored and
petted all the time.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03
The Cultured Chambermaid.

And as for Cecilia! The way she does
your room is sketchy, to say the least.
You feel all the time that her mind is on
higher things. She glides along with the
fashionable walk-stomach very much
thrown in. body inclined forward-very
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03
Coffee Cigarettes.

At little dinner given recently cigar
cites were passed around with the after
dinner coffee. both for the men and the
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03
Dr.. Miles,
Heart Coee

is especially adapted to remove
all irregularities of the hearts
action. Sold by druggists on
guarantee.
DR.. Miles Medical Co., Elkhart, Ind
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03
"Faddy" Atlantic City.

Paddy, faddy! That's what you can say
of Atlantic City at all seasons of the
year, and particularly at the present.
Every woman seems to have popularity
or a pet hobby which she is anxious to
exploit That's the attitude of society
anyway nowadays. Even the debutantes
are taught that to be admired they must
be original. different from the rest-in
other words a bit crazy.
know Of one girl who obtained a great
reputation for originality and by thus
cleverIv advertising herself married we'll
in her first season.
Do YOU know what she did? She wore
for her debut a gown of brown muslin
with a big bunch Of oX-eyed daisies lit
was during the summer time at her moth
er's place at Bar Harhor' To he sure,
brown was very becoming to her. and
the daisies matched the glints in her
ropperv hair But society gasped. and.
= course, she became one Of the attrac-
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03

from his bellboy duties for that purpose,
as he was the champion batter or pitcher
o. something of his particular institute of
learning, out must come the quarter
again.
Oh. no. Give me real servants. with
their Grass ignorance and all. At least
they have, or affect to have, the proper
" admiring and respectful attitude to-
ward you. which is very gratifying. let
me tell you. especially in hot weather.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03

Trains 81 and 80 have Pullman Vestibuled
and trains IS and 80 have Pullman Vestibuled
and through coaches between Washington and
G. B. TYLER, c. A.. Montgomery. Ala;
]. p. BILLUPS, Actg. @. p A, Atlanta Ga
CHAs A. WICKERSHAM President
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03
THE WESTERN RAILWAY OF ALABAMA

sleepers between New York and New Orleans,
New orleans with superb dining car service.
D p O'ROURKE. C. A.. Selma. Ala
r f. LUTZ, T. NJ, Montgomery, Ala.
and General Manager, Atlanta, Ga
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03

Tor- further information address
w. v. LIFSEY, Div. Pass. AGENT.
w. J. CRAIG Gen, Pass. Ast:
" nj, EMERSON, Asst. TTaf Mgr.'
T. NJ EMERSON. Traffic Msr;;
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03

rERFE SHIPS A. WEEK Fer
KEY WEST AND HAVANA.
1v Port Tampa, Tuesday. Friday. Sunday.
II p. m.
The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-08-03

scbAdule Effective April 70. isOs.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-05-07
A SOLDIERS NARROW ESCAPE

Watts Flats, N. Y, May 5th.-George
Manhart, of this place, a hale and
hearty old soldier of so years of age,
tells a thrilling story of narrow es-
cape from death:
''Four years ago." he says, ''the doc
tors who were attending me during a
serious illness called my wife aside
and told her that I could not live two
weeks as had Bright's Disease, which
meant certain death.
Gas a, last resort we thought we
would try Dodd's Kidney Pills, and ac-
cordingly sent to Mr.. C1ark's drug
store and got box.
'This remedy worked wonders in
my case. I noticed the Improvement
at once and discharged the doctor.
81 kept on improving until every
symptom of illness had gone and I
was strong and well.
81 feel like a boy and to-day I am
chopping wood as well at eighty as at
twenty. Dodd's Kidney Pills. did it,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-05-07
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

No less than 1s5 species of butter
lies are found in Mexico and Central
America.
Rev. Thomas Dixon has been look
ng over some piles of southern
newspapers dating back to 1865 and
vas astonished to find that Booker T.
Washington's platform of negro ed
1cation was advocated in speeches
delivered by confederate generals
Lfter their return from the civil war.
American and English concert man.
ayers have made tempting offers to
Father Lorenzo Perosi, the Italian
composer of oratorios, to leave his
aative land and conduct perform
lnces of these works. But Father
Perosi does not like travelling, is I'M
happy when away from Italy and re-
buses all offers.
Citizens of Charleston, S. c., are
1rging that the name of Meeting
street, one of the widest and most
important streets in their city, be
changed to Hampton avenue in
memory of the late Gen. Wade
Hampton. In Columbia, too there is
talk of having a Hampton street or
avenue.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-05-07
ECCENTRIC LAssITUDE.
Caused Him a Great Deal
of Anxiety.

I'm worried about our rooster" re-
marked man on a suburban car.
whats the matter with your roos-
ter?" asked the other man, relates the
Detroit Free Press.
"Well,' the suburban man contin-
ued, eve haven't much stock out at
our plaee-only an old horse and a
rooster. The horse is all right; eats
all the time and then cuts up when my
wife tries to make him earn his food
by bringing her to town. The rooster,
though, doesn't act normally; he is
either lazy or has malaria, or he is a
new kind of rooster. He won't take
the trouble to get up on a perch at
night, like other chickens. No, he
crawIs under the front porch to sleep.
In the morning, instead of getting up
early to attend to his calling, like a
well-regulated rooster ought to, he
just sits under that porch and crows.
He crows all right-rlong and loud
for about an hour; and then he goes to
sleep again. When I leave home, at
seven o'clock, he hasn't appeared yet
and my wife says he often doesn't get
up for the day until about eight
o'clock. There is no reason why
we should interfere with his luxurious
habits; but I'm worried about him,
nevertheless. What would you do if
you had a rooster that acted like
that?"
The problem was too much for the
other man, who simply shook his head
by way of answering.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-05-07
BABY NOT A pIAYTHING.
Rational Treatment Is AN That Is
Required to Make the Little
One Comfortable.

To impress upon mothers the inn
portance of healthful letting alone
of the young babe, I cannot do better
than to quote from health essay OF
my own, published in 1894, says
writer in Ledger Monthly.
''In the midst of the widely dis
cussed question anent the advisable
ity of furnishing the baby and the
heated debates concerning it, word
Of advice seems necessary in order to
protect that long-suffering little NOR
tai from further disastrous expert
ments. Rational treatment is all baby
asks or requires, and protection from
its worst enemies-those oVerfond
mammas who look upon baby as a
plaything, and the fussy nurses who
would think their occupation gone if
they were not necessarily doing
something for baby Habit is all the
discipline which the tiny mortal re-
quires during the first IL months OF its
existence in this troubIous world; and
if they be good, healthful habits, die
tated by common sense, it viii not be
a troublous world to either mother or
infant.
''In everything concerning baby's
life, regularity of habit must be in
sisted upon; from the day of its birth
every attention it receives should be
given regularly, and all care should
be so systemiZed as to minimize its
disturbance; for a prime factor in
baby's well-being is quiet, the more
undisturbed sleep the better, and it
should from the first be unaccus-
fnr11a6 To hnsr,o. 80 al,
when it wakens. There must be reg
ular hours for feeding, and regular
hours for the daily bath and dressing;
regular hours for sleep and periods
of waking naturally follow; and with
regular attention to physiological
needs there is no reason why the few
months'-old baby should not be a
model of perfect discipline.
"ThOse poor babies who make night
hideous by wailing for father or moth
er to walk with them were first taught
to like the motion; and the parent
who picks the wee morsel of human
ity out of his snug nest and losses
him to the ceiling, to hear him laugh
with glee, has only himself to blame
If it p1eases the baby king so well that
he wishes to play at midnight.
Recent experiments with hot water
treatment have proved that it may
be used in many infantile disorders
to great advantage. A child that re-
fuses to nurse or cannot keep bottle
food on its stomach will take hot wa
ter greedily, and soon fall into a re-
freshing sleep. The hot water carries
off disturbing elements and cIeanses
thoroughly the digestive organs; in
such cases being stimulant, an anti
septic, a sedative and food"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-05-07
LEMON FANCHoNETTEs.
A Dainty Dish for Dessert That Is
Easily Made md Very
PaIatabIe.

Make short, good paste, and line
1uted patty pans by pressing the
paste into each groove. Press the
hand firmly over the top and the
paste will cut smoothly round the
edge.
For the filling, mix two level table
spoons of cornstarch with one cup of
sugar and one-eighth teaspoon of
salt; stir into one cup of boiling wa
ter and cook two minutes, stirring
constantly. Add the juice and grated
rind of one lemon and when partly
cool the beaten yolks of two eggs.
Fill the paste-lined patty pans and
bake in moderate oven. Cool the
little pies and cover with meringue;
set in a moderate oven for Is min
utes. Serve cold and slipped from
the tins, says the Los Angeles Her
aid.
For the meringue, beat the whites
of two eggs on platter with a
wire spoon until stiff and dry, then
beat in one-quarter cup of powdered
sugar and put a large spoonful on
each fanchonette. The meringue
must cook slowly, otherwise it Will
fall as soon as it cools. If the oven
seems too hot leave the door open;
the meringue should not begin to
color for several minutes. The eggs
will become much lighter if beaten
with a wire spoon than with a wheel
beaten. Eggs should be fresh for
making meringue, as case eggs can
not be beaten light.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-05-07
Nurses Experience.

Medical men say that a good nurse
in a difficult case is better than med
icine, but when we can get a good
nurse and good medicine, the patient
stands a much better chance of re-
covery. The few words of advice
given below by nurse Eliza King, are
we'll worthy the attention of all
readers:
al have constantly used St. Jacobs Oil in
the various situations I have occupied as
nurse, and have invariably found it excellent
in all cases requiring outward application,
such as sprains, bruises, rheumatic affections,
neuralgia, etc. In cases of pleurisy it is an
excellent rencdy-well rubbed in. 1 can
strongly recommend it after several years
use and experience. 1t should be in every
household"
Sister CAROL INA, St. Andrews Hospital,
writes: q" I have found ST. Jacobs Oil most
eficacious remedy in govt; also in sprains and
bruises. Indeed, we cannot say too much
in its praise, and our doctor is ordering it
constantly"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-05-07

At the funeral of a lawyer of state repu.
tatdon, who lived and practiced In = town
not far from Philadelphia, and who was
known among his friends thereabouts as an
Philadelphia reached the house after the
minister had begun the sermon. Not know
ing how far the services had progressed,
he accosted a well-known Quaker of the
and who was noted for his great sense Of
humor, and, leaning over his shoulder,
asked in a whisper:
What part of the services have they
To which the Quaker, without smile,
Just opened for the -PhIadel-
phia Times.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-05-07
A Happy Passage,

Young man" said the resident physician
At the hospital, c>syou have only an hour to
live"
The white-robed nurses moved silently to
and fro as the patient nervously clutched
the bed covering
that you are going to that bourne from
which no traveller returns; but all is hap
piness there, the days know no night, and
there is rest eternal-Sweet rest"
The patients eyes flashed for a moment,
and then he exclaimed joyfully:
'Ah! and I will not have to chase the
lost-ping-p ball?"
Then they understood He was one of
the army OF ping-pong plebes.-Baltimore
News