The Jamesburg record., 1902-04-12
Talks of Rembrant O'Toole.

1
after it," This extract from Philade-
phia paper was read aloud, ponderously
and effectively by Rembrant O'Toole as
that worthy gentleman sat comfortably
charring the heels of his scow shaped
boots on the kitchen stove.
I'll. swate love thought they sind
fer us, full iv brotherly love-" remarked
Rtmbrant.
"Phwat kind iv a town is Phillydel-
phis ?" questioned Mrs. O'Toole.
"Ye've bin to Bruklyn," replied Rem
brsnt.
Take that village tin years back,
stritch out th' cimitery, raymOve the
whole up into tn Bronx, and ye come
close to tn town of Pinn. They have no
use for Moo Workers there. TIL inhaby-
tants iv this town are too far Forth iv
Market strate to bs included in th'
Social Registry iv Phillydrlphia. To
th' south iv Market there's clane collars
twice a week, bathin' reg liar iv Saturday
nights tn Moo York papers tn mkt day :,
and sometimes tn English language.
North iv Market is phwere no thrue
Phillydelphian has liver bpeu, or, if he
has. he spakes alsy about it.
William Pinn started up tn town in
Coort iv King Charles th' Sicond. He
was a Quaker, a mixture iv tn Chris
tian Scientist and tn Socialist. TIL
Quaker always carries his umbrelly with
him, tn Socialist carries his frind's, and
Christian Scientist don't behave il's
rainin' In saycret tn King disiked
Pinn's face and his manners. 'I'lI set
on this Pinn snme day sez tn King.
Their are hetter ways to bind him to yer
will stz tn head courtier. Sind him
of ter PhiIydephia
$50 tn King sint fer PinE. 'Phwat
dye say to ownin' yer own home p sez
th' King. Go to PhiIlyieiphia-be th'.
way, swipt by river breezas and tn local
s rate claners, and for rint on aisy pay
mibts.' How far is it firm th' N o
York City Hall?' asks Pinn, hol1ln' off.
Not so tar back as it will be th' ind iv
t = mkt cintury, raysp ndei th' King.
glvin' th' happy eye to tn Grand Cha n
chellor. Here it is fer you and yer airs
foriver.;
so Pinn kim acrost wid his Pinnsyl-
vania Dootch. III make concissi ons.'
he seq to tn buncbwhin they got ashore
'Rayigion will be free.' This wuz the
first law. The sicond made th' drinkin'
iv bealths in PhiIlydelphia a penal
'ffince. That's th' rayson th' Quakers.
whin they mate in th' spake-asy, instid
iv sayin' 'Gesundheit' or some such gra.
tim, raymark i hope ye cnokp!' or May
" niver drink anotherl' to aich other as
they fling down th' casthor oil.
'Pinn wuZ discrate in dealin' with th'
Indians Pm not lookin' for throuble,'
he stz. We are, sez tn Indians. sharp
enin' tkeir scalp knives. Il don't like
ter fight. 'Tis ag'inst me principles.
and besides it's ranin' now seq Pinn.
'Tis always fair weather fer a scrap,' re-
plies th' Indians, swingin' tn tommy
hawks. 'I'll set th' police on yezl' cries
Pnn. Tell wild 'em, spz tn Indians.
takin' their bows and arrers T'll set me
college byes loose and let thin yell at YEP
sez Pinn, very pale. Th' Indians made
no reply. They were in th' river swim.
min to New Jersey.
They had wan gr-rate man in th'
town. He wuz Bin Franklin. He wuz
born in Bosto2 wild a silver bane in his
mouth. He wint to Phillydelphia be-
cause he didn't know amy betther, none
of his frinds havin' been there to give
him warnin' about it. III Phlly he pub
IIshed Poor Richards Almanac" -.
"Phay did he call himself Poor Rich.
ard ?'' asked Mrs. O'Toole.
Because he had to live in Phillydel
phia." replied Rembrandt.
They signed th' immortal Decla.a-
tion there too," added kembrant. "Y-
see they were afther good, quiet place
TO write in, writin' not COMM aisy to
minny in thin days. Adams was fer
d"in' th' job in tn Boston subway
Hamilton hid out fer tn Dimmycratic
CLUB in New York, fer no Disturbances,
and tb' Wlstern Sinitors were hot fer tn
Chicago River. hut Franklin stayed
firm for Philly. "ris SO quiet there that
on still nights we kin hear New York
blowin' itself off, he said.''
"Phwhere Is Phillydelphia2" ques-
toned Mrs. O'Toole, after Rembrandt
had stopped and ref He'd his two-inch cs v.
"Phillydelphia," responded her hus-