Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1902-07-12

n SneuIeiu Doot-ihuker displays TINS
notice in his window: Don't you wish
you were in my shoes ?"--Tit-Bits.
80 you are in societyT yes" "In
real society?' YES" "way.up so.
cietyy Eyes" docs society know
it?"-Chlcago Post.
"Bingles is lucky man. His time
goes right on whether he Is waking or
sleeping. sick or we'll" "what Is Bin.
giles businessY" "Watchmaker."
Blobbs-llow did you like the meo.
drama? Was anybody killed? Slobbs
No; the audience yelled for the au.
thor. but he wouldn't come out.
Uncle william. are you troubled
about the bereafter?" mo, sub; it's
dc wharfo' er dc herein what keeps
me guessln'w-Atlanta Constitution.
Lady Tourist doing the cathcdrals
of Scotland,--This is Gothic. isn't 1t,
John! Juvenile vender of "Guides"
(severely)-No. mem. This Is Presby.
| terrain.
Sounds thrilling: Bobbie--pnw. viii
| you buy me a book? Fnther--Wlat Is
the name o the oook you want? Bob.
Nicaragua Bill" - Ohio State
Journal.
In confidence: Customer Waiter,
here's u quarter. Suggest a good din.
her for me. Waiter Tin a whisper)--
Go to some other restaurant, sir
Smart Set
Travelling uaintance--l wonder
that the regular passengers don't agi.
tate for better service. Commuter-
We do at times. but It merely gets Us
agitnted.-Puck.
Poor Mike: Doctor How about that
mustard.plaster ! prescribed for your
husband? Mrs. Grogan-Shure. doc.
thor, ! couldn't make Mike ate more
nor tn half av it.-Judge.
It's queer that people who are al.
ways railing ut the world are never.
theless willing to pay the doctors
fortune to keep them from leaving II
In hurry.--Atlanta Constitution.
The commuter ut home: Suburban.
This is shameful! Ill not stand that
cooks insolence moment longer. AS
soon as &c, to New York I'll ring her
up OH the telephone and discharge her.
Judge.
Looking blue for milkman: II more
than suspect our milkman." "Of what
do you suspect him?" "Of trying to
work the Filipino watcr.cure on us.
Look ut the color of that milk!'-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Say, our bookkeeper Is foolish"
what do you mean?" "Why. he says
when no gets old he wants money
enough to go out and live where he
can see the moon go down behind q
hcdge."-Chicago Record.
Analysis: she-After all, what Is tho
differences between illusion and delu.
sion? He-Illusion Is tho lovely fan.
cies We have about ourselves; delusion
Is the foolish fancies other people have
about themselves. -Life.
A come down for her: Ibid under.
stand you to say that she lowered her.
self when she married himw "Yes.
She slid down from n third.story win.
/ uON. u iuue VI OSuStothSSs
| Chicago Record Herald.
Discretion: 80 you made great
hit In your presentation Of Hamlet
Mr.. transformer? suppose the audi.
ences called you to come out before
the curtain" "Called me? They
dared me!"-Baltlmore News.
1T would be helpful to you," said
the prison visitor III you could take
some motto and try to live up to It,"
That's right" replied the convict;
I'D like to select. for instance, 'Wo
are here to-day and gone tomorrow
-Tit-Bits.
The proper thing: The President
Then you don't care to have your name
mentioned In connection with your one
hundred million dollar gift to our uni.
versity?" The Philanthropist-Well.
you might say that you give my name
without my cOnsent.-Ex.
Cheerful: Tess-SO. Mr.. GrOOsum
really proposed to your Tess-Yes.
While we were strolling In the GENE.
terry we came to their family lot. and
he asked me how Id like to be buried
there some day. with his name on the
stone above me.-Philadelphla Press.
do you think 1t would improve my
style?" inquired the varsity man who
had got into the crew through favorite.
ism. III We're to acquire faster
streke" 1T would improve the
crew." replied the candid trainer. "if
you got paralytic stroke. Tit Bits.
No conversation: Barber - You're
next, sir. Hair cut? Pepprey-Yes,
and here, put this In your pocket for
yourself. Barber-Thank you. sir. /
don't often get my tip before begin.
and | appreciate Pepprey-I don't
want you to consider that tip. but
"hush money."-Philadelphia Press.
| Mammy-Bless nah heart! II ds
chile amt cuttin' his eye-tooth! Litth
'Rastus lin alarm)-What's an eye
tooth. nanny? Nanny Why, do
eye-tooth, chile, watches ebry word dat
yo tongue uttehs, an ebry time you
say bad word it'll pain dat good eye
tooth so much dat it'll ache TO two
houahs!-Puck
Lady" began the dusty wayfarer.
could you help a poor sufferer Of
Mont Pelee?' "Mont Pelee" echoed
Itho hnusewife. swhv vOu are No rasi