davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Making Burglars Tools.

There Is a rich business man OF Phil
adelphia who got his start in life
through the manufacture of burglars
tools He said the other day, conf,
dentially:
'In my youth l was machinlst, but
the business didn't pay ut all. A thick
set man came to me one morning and
showed me a jimmy. I'm give you ten
dollars for duplicate of this he said
and | took him up joyfully, for in my
innocence l didn't know what a jim.
my was and, besides, ! foresaw sc
per cent profit In the job. So | made
the burglars tool, and afterward
made the thick-set man some other
implements, and after that again
fixed up an outfit for friend of his.
Thus, in year." continued the
man, according to the Philadelphia
Record, II had more work than I could
do; eight or ten villainous- looking in
dividuals brought me In big orders ev
cry day, and in four years | have saved
$4,000. Then quit. pulled out ant
went into my present line, which pays
me well enough, though its profits are
nothing to those that you will find II
burglar tool making. often wonder
who inherited my old time trade"
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

taken respecting the naturalization
alien immigrants. He declares that he
will issue naturalization papers to no
man who fails to answer plain ques-
;lons he may ask with respect to our
form of government and the Constitu-
ton. He says he believes that persons
who desire to become citizens should be
qualified to vote intellgently, not only
to protect their own interests, but those
of their fellow citizens as well. Fur
ther dilution of our citizenship is dan
ger that should be avoided. Let the bal
lot go to all who are qualified to handle
it, but put an end to the naturalization
of men who are to be utilized as voting
cattle.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

\ good newspaper tries to give the
people fresh news and to dress up"
old news in an attractive form. Most
people like to hear again what they
already know, but readers are few in
deed who would approve the novel at
titude of the editor of German paper
published in America. He was very
matter of-fact, says the Washington
Post, but faithful, hard worker.
One night there was great fire
which destroyed the entire block oppo-
site the newspaper office. The whole
town turned out to see it, and the
streets were crowded. The proprietor
of the paper did not go out, but lay in
bed dreaming of the fine display the
story of the fire would make on the
first page of his journal the next morn
ing.
But when he opened the sheet at
breakfast, there was not a word about
the fire. With wrath in his eye he
went to the office and burst into the
sanctum of his German editor.
why" he Numbered, is there no
mention in this mornings issue of the
fire across the street last nightY
"Ach, mein lieber Herr" said the edi-
tor, calmly, "for Wy waste so much CUTE
paper? Efrybody vas in de street, und
see de fire himself. Wy should We tell
de things vat de people seen already
Shall We de news print or vat efrybody
knows? Dey hat seen de fire. but dc
dey know dat Schleier has lost his dog
No. So have dat printed"
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Tennyson,s Tactle.sness.

Several stories are told Of Tennyson's
thoughtless speeches. What fish is
this?" he once asked his hostess where
he was dining. whiting" she replied.
THE meanest fish there is" he remark
ed, quite unconscious that he could
have wounded any ones feelings.
Yet his kindness of heart was such
that when his partridge was afterward
given him almost raw he ate steadily
through it, for fear his hostess might
be veXed.
On one occasion Tennyson was very
rude to Mrs. Brotherton, neighbor at
Freshwater. The next day he came to
her house with a great cabbage under
each arm.
81 heard you liked these, so / brought
them" he said, genially. 1t was his
idea of peace Offering
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

Patriotic wonderland all women are
patriotic--are beginning to ask what
they can adopt as gesture of salu-
tation and respect to the national air
and the flag. A correspondent suggests
the placing Of the hand over the heart
In want of something better that might
do; but does not the gesture SAVIOR too
much of sentimentality? Schools of
Expression" and Colleges sof Ora.
tory" have so long associated that ges-
ture with the receipt of bad news from
home or false accusation of crime
that little real dignity is left to it.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

One of the most cheering of current
statements Ia that of man who leaves
Sing Sing prison after eleven years con.
hnement, to the effect that "a man there
gets a good chance to reform II he
wants to-" The superintendent, the
warden and the principal keeper stand
ready to meet him halfway, and the
Volunteers Prisoners League will
take care of him when he comes out,
and stick to him as long as there is a
possibility of helping him. Instead of
"a yearly output of 200 to 800 rascals
ripe for lawlessness and crime" this eX-
sonyict thinks that at least half the men
Sing Sing now sends out are anxious
and able to be useful in the world
That is the truly ideal prison which
confines men in order to free them from
worse places.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

Some learned clergymen who are not
out in the fields and woods gathering
inspiration and religion are rushing in
to print with their ideas of marriage
on the limited salary of So per week.
go ahead and get spliced if you want
to- and think about the bread after
wards" the most of them say to young
people who are In love and poverty at
the same time. They may be right,
but Love Is Il mighty fine thing, but
when it comes TO the test it's the most
material thing in the world. You can
keep the body without food for Il week
and not be more than few pounds the
worse for it, but did you ever try to
keep love on starvation basis? Next
time you see Sue and put your arm
around her and tell her you could do
it forever, try it for twenty-four hours.
See If you don't get mighty tired in the
arms and empty in the stomach before
the time Is up. If you are good for the
test and at the end of the twenty-four
hours still have no desire to break your
affectionate hold, marry the girl, no mat
ter what you are making. You'll get
along some way. But if you do grow
tired and have just the faintest wish
to dodge Sue for moment and go to
the larder, don't have the knot tied for
awhile yet. You'll save yourself lots
of trouble and worry. Most of the ro-
nance of married life on Sc per week
| a hn IN 4
fairy creature, your bride, who used to
be too delicate to hold her own parasol,
leaning over a washtub with her hair
| flying loose and her dress decollete all
the way around, scrubbing, nothing but
scrubbing Wait awhile until the Sc
grows to something more substantial.
1t will grow If you keep at it.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

or those who visit California every
year. many are Eastern people suffer
ing from nervous prostration and seek
ing to regain their heal ia by the trip
across the continent. 1t Is curious
tact that not a few of them owe their
Illness to unsupported errors OF vision,
and that the trip benefits them by dis.
covering the cause of their trouble. A
California physician, writing in Ameri
tan Medicine. says that the bright light
Of the Land of Sunshine" so quickly
Affects eyes in which there are errors
bf refraction that the patient is driven
TO consult the local oculist. The doc
;or relieves the eye-strain, and in so do
ing removes also the headache, !nsom
ala, depression and other ills from
which the patient has suffered. II
modern diagnosis the testing of the eyes
plays a large part.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Another General,

ANY letters for me, Pomp?" de-
manded the pompous old general as he
hobbled out to the gate.
mo, sah!' responded the colored mail
carrier.
mo letters addressed 'GeneralT"
"One sab"
Then it must be for me. 1 am the
only general in town"
"Ah dOan think so, slA"
what general is itF'
General delivery"
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Had to Decide.

Two jolly sons of Erin halted at
wayside inn.
'Phwat does the soign say, Pat?"
asked one.
Accommodation for mon an baste,r
read the other.
Thin Its go in"
"Hould ON
"Phwat for?"
(Which av us will be tn mon an
which tn baste?"-Chicago Daily
News
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Saving wild Oats.

"Sence them city boarders got to
comm here our Johnny has been goin'
to the bad" said Mrs. Hayseede to
Mrs. Clovertopp.
"You don't sayw
eyes, indeed! He's got to stayln' out
late at night Why, last Satday night
he went off down town and never came
home until after after 8. I've got a
mind to ask the preacher to talk to him
on the error of his way."-Baltimore
American.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
In A. IL. IAOh.

Mrs. Uptodate Ito maid)-Maria, you
need not set outs 1.-THE capsules for Mr..
Uptodate's dinner, l have received a
Marconigram that he will not be home
until 10 o'clock, as his Santos Dumont-
obile has had a Observation-Disclosures.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

This new explosive the war depart
nent Is talking about that will pene-
rate fourteen inches Of steel armor,
ought to be able to complete the exca-
s:ttcn Of the Panama canal in two or
three we'll directed shots.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
The Wild Chauffeur.

isn't he satisfied with an automobile
that will smash records?"
mo- he wants one that will smash
trees and telegraph poles"
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
LonR-Winded.

Tess-Mr. Gayley's stories are rather
broad, don't you think?
Jess-Perhaps, but fortunately they
are not as broad as they are long
Philadelphia Press.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

The Treasury Department has just
discovered that the typewriter is SUI
perior to longhand writing in the max
ing of records. IL this thing continues
The government will soon be within n
century of catching up with the ordi-
nary business world.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

In It's determination to support any
legislation having for its purpose the
Abolishing of child labor in States
where such laws do not exist, the
American Federation of Labor is not
Dnly helping ON its own ends. but is
lighting In a good cause for the better
ment Of all mankind.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Secret Out.

Smith-Brown is certainly a good
man He always speaks we'll of his
neighbors.
Jones-That isn't due to his goodness
He is anxious to sell his house and lot
Chicago News.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Needy Indeed.

Cant yer help poor man dat Ia
widout money!" whined the rusty in
dividual on the sidewalk.
But how do l know that you are
without money!" demanded the pros
porous citizen.
How do yer know? Why, can't yer
sec l don't wear Panama hat?'-
Chicago News.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Both Useful and Ornamental.

Mother-I don't see that you learned
anything either useful or ornamental at
that school last year.
Pretty Daughter-Oh, but you don't
know. For one thing, learned how to
make my shoelace come united when
ever l wish.-New York Weekly.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
The Limit.
Bruddah

Parson-So yo' consider Bruddah
Sniff to be very skeptical?
Deacon-Skeptical? Why, pawson
eff he wah allowed to reach de pearly
gates he'd chip off a piece to see if the
pearl wah genuine
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Slight Variation.

Stubb-When you proposed I suppose
she sprung that old gag, This is so
sudden"
Penn-Nothing of the kind. She said:
You silly thing Why didn't you say
the word sooner and save gas bills?
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

The historical novel is to be the lit
srary topliner for another season. AS
here Is no law against this particular
rhine, the public will have to stand for
It, we suppose
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

$50 yeou be an artlst?" Intercepted
the old farmer at the station.
yes" responded the dapper young
chap with the easel, land | paint still
life"
"Yeou do? Well, come out an sketch
my farm hands during working hours"
Chicago Daily News.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
His ODiuiou.

Mrs. De Style-How do l look in my
new bathing suit, dear?
Mr.. De Style-Oh, what little there is
of you in it looks all right.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Won Their Hearts.

Sandy Pikes-So yer got de kids
sympathy an dey give yer two pies.
Did yer tell dem yer lost yer fingers
in de war?
Pcllucid Pete-Naw, sed lost dem
shootin' off firecrackers.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Delicate Insinuntiou.

Miss New York; thought so much
of our old yacht that had a pair of
canvas shoes made out of the sail.
Miss Ohicago-Gracious! Was it large
enough for that?
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Lost and Won.

Green-Jones tells me you lost your
job by staying a week longer on your
vacation than the firm gave you?
Brownies, but that one boosted my
financial prospects out of sight.
Green-How's that?
Brown-I married the only daughter
of a man worth 100000.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
An Inuoceut Tin.

She-Its awfully silly in a young
man to rock the boat when he takes a
girl out for row.
He-Yes; but 1 suppose he likes to
hear the girl scream.
She-But she would scream just as
loud if he attempted to kiss her and it's
ever so much safer.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
His Belief.

She-Do you believe that people
should marry their opposites?
He-Certainly. That's why l am
looking for a girl with money.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
The Critics,

Ida-Yes, it was a case of love at
first sight on his part.
May-Hm! What pity he didn't
take a second sight.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

Stone Cutter-What inscription do
you wish on the monument?
Widow-Well, as he was my seventh
husband, just put hand on 1t pointing
like this, and underneath the line "Sev-
EN- Up"
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Pair of Them,

Canvasser entering otfice)-I would
| like to see the manager.
Proprietor-Which one-the Office boy
or the typewriter?
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

A Chicago barber says his wife and
another lady talked him out Of his
ywn house. They might do well now
20 exhibit themselves or lecture.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
DUB BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INGS HERE AND THERE.

Jokes and JokeIcts that Are Supposed
TO Have Been Recently Born-SayinRs
and Doings that Are Old, Curious and
Laughable-The Weeks Humor.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

Now that train robber has been
titled and Tracy Is no more, perhaps
Mr.. Pat Grove will have the kindness
20 feel n trihe worried.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

Uncle Sam may have to 5ecome step
ather to Haiti. The time for him to
fep in, armed with good brchen rod,
8 perhaps not very far distant.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
The Wise FIy.

Once a foolish fly said to the Phre.
nologist Fly; Come and let us make
haste and alight on yonder bald head. /"
Not So" said the Phrenologist Fly.
Con you not see that the bald head
possesses an enormous bump of com.
bativeneSs?'
Thisteaches us that Misfortune may
at Times Possess Advantages.-Baltl.
more American.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
He Was Wise.

Touchley-Say, Coiner, I'd like to
have short talk with you.
Coiner-It's 10 use, Touchley. I
haven't got a dollar in my clothes.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

Japan seems to have come to the con-
.---ion that women have rights, which
S considered n great discovery in the
iowery kingdom.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Wiae Precaution.

Bixby--I see young DeCoin carries a
footman perched on the rear Of his
automobile.
Nixly-Huh! That innocent-looking
footman is coroner in disguise.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

Judge Phillips. OF the Common Pleas
Court OF Cuyahoga County. Ohio. de-
serves complimentary mention for the
rood, practical common sense and sound
patriotism shown In the position he has
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

a New York woman was found to
nave hatpin through her heart. Wo-
men should be careful how they set
heir hearts on other women's hats.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Com parison.

The Boarder-I don't believe l eat
enough to feed bird
The Landlady-What kind of a bird?
An ostrich?
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Only the Truth,

Bmployer-So you went to the ball
game, Ell? Thought you were going
to the cemetery?
Office Boy (who saw home team lose)
Well, just as we'll had. 1 saw so
many dead ones"
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

The water in Great Salt Lake has
iallen six feet during the past eight
FEARS There must be a hole in the
bottom of the old thing.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Rather Eyasive.

She Ito her fiance)-I am sure you
think that Smith girl pretty.
He-Ies, l think she is pretty-er-
tall.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
An Admission.

Fathcr-Dorothy has this young man
any failings?
Daughter-Well, papa, he p-plays
ping-pOng.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

Cost or Living Increased 30 Per Gent.
In Eve years the cost OF foodstufis
necessary to sustain lie has advanced
90 per cent In New York city, and on Q
smaller scale throughout the country.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

Instead Of being invented by Mar
,oni 1t is now claimed that wireless
.elegraphy is of macaroni origin.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

We infer from his prospectus that
Santos Dumont has adopted a NO
money, no fly" motto.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

In important criminal trials, It seems
most difficult to prove the best-kti>wn
facts.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

Anybody can write book and every
body appears to be doing that very
thing.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Just Home from School.
Retired-Well. Bridget.

Mrs. Retired-Well, Bridget, now
what's the matter? Isn't my daughter
Esther in the kitchen to help you?
Bridget-That's just it, mum. If I've
got to eat her cooking, I'll quit.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

All is not gold that shows up in a
glittering mining prospectus.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

Perhaps a woman can't lead n band,
but 1t is highly probable that band
would follow a woman.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

Patient-Doctor, thanks to you and
your medicine, l feel like a new man
already.
Doctor-Never mind, you'll soon be
yourself again.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Her Excuse.

Friend-But are you going to jump
right into colors? Why not wear half
mourning for awhile?
Widow-Because you know some
great sage advised us never to do
things by halves.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

After man has been disappointed in
love he develops into frst-class cynic.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

The man who invented postal cards
Is dead. The postmistresses ought to
give him a monument.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
An Unbiased View,

Younghub-There's nothing like mat
rimony for teaching young man the
value of money.
Oldwed-That's right A dollar a
man gives to his wife looks twice as
big as the dollar he blew in on her
during courtship
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

The young man never cracked a smile,
But after bordering a while
The aptness of the walters jest
Arose and thus himself expressed,
81 think you're right"
Judge.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
ON CLIPPING EvERGREENS.
spruce aud Norway Pines Require Al.
tentiou Periodically.

There is great variance In garden
ng tastes. Some persons abhor any
hing formal, stiff or in the slightest de-
Free abnormal; few will so utterly to
he extreme; the remainder have bal
lnced Ideas, admitting both where they
Iesm atting and proper.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Custer County Republican

.. n. AMsBERRY, EDITOR q PUBLISHER
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02
Pretty Much the Same.

The shades of night were upward drawn
Just as a youth of brains and Drawn
Unto the breakfast table HE'D
And to the waiter loudly cried,
zone shredded wheat"
The waiter brought 1t on a plate
And watched the young man while he
ate
And when there was not left a shred
OF all that shredded wheat he said,
"Excelsior"
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-10-02

Judge.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1902-06-01

who have the positive Endorsement OF some
body OF recognized authority. a common
and stuDenGOus blunder is 10 employ a
cheap and obviously inferior teacher IN the
first years OF study, reserving the expensive
and thorough instruction until some prog
ress shall be made. Thus the early teach
ing may be fatal. At the best IL must take
time and effort TO get rid of what has been
acquired.
1t is humiliating that the enormous eX-
penditure of music education has done so
little to improve the popular taste, which
revels in rag-time Dlelodies such as would
appeal 10 the primitive ear of the painted
savage. There is good music in the word,
the work of the masters. so simple tnat IL
should meet the requirements OF the people
who have had no special training. but the
makers OF popular programmes usually
ignore IL. The vicious habit Of the major
ity Of those who have taken lessons Tor
years OF descending 20 the catchy popular
melodies. instead OF giving 10 their uh-
trained hearers the simple melodies or the
masters, is partly responsible for the IN
feriority OF the selections which are sup
posed TO be the preference of the mixed
audience. The efforts of few professional
musicians TO Danish the jingling trash
from respectful bic society have not had the
support they should have from all who
profess a respect for the art divine.
Music reform will be achieved and the
taste of the public will be educated when
parents shall demand that the teachers or
their children shall be properly quallhed
and when (Which will naturally follow
every person who may become music
student shall use his or her influence IN
behalf of good music.