The Western news., 1902-07-23


Charles Did the tailor take yous
neasure2 Algy-I think he did. He
said "a have y pay n advance. Tis
Bits.
Briggs I hear you have been operat
ng In Wall street. GriggsA greaa
mistake. I've been operated upon
Harper's Bazaar.
II wonder what papa always calle
mamma Honey for?'' queried little
Nargie. Il don't know" replied her
small brother, unless tie because che
wears . comb"
"What reform are you interested "a
now r. II am advocating that people
be paid double for the work they d
when they don't feel like working.-
Chicago Record.
II was In the South African war"
said one Englshm u. "Genaal?" asked
the other. mo, journalist" ''Oh, ! sea
You were q reporter; not regretter.-s
Washington Star.
An Easy Rule Hard to Follow: Rox--
It's easy to win woman's love; just
give her all the money she wants. Bloc
--You don't call that easy, do you7-
Detroit Free Press.
Rushed: Parke-Are you doing much
In your business now? Lane-Well,
should say SO. Why, we are SO busy
that we employ man to insult new
customers.-Town Topics.
How is brother, TommyY iii il
bed, miss. He's hurt himself" How
lid he do thatY' 1--WE were playing II
who could lean farthest out Of the win
dow, and he won."-Tit-B Bits.
Farmer Honk-Y Your niece. that's JUST
graduated from the academy, does fan.
cy work most Of the time. doesn't she's
Farmer Flintrock- Yes; an she donx
fancy work none Of the time.
Faith in Him: Towne-Do unaer-
stand you to say that Spender's nase
was really faith cure? Browne fes.
You see, the doctor and the druggist
both trusted him. Philadelphia Press.
Interested Party-And so you are
married now. Lydia? hope your hus-
band is good provider. The Bride
Deed he IL. missus! He pro vided me
three new places to wash at iast week..
Don't you miss your husband very
much now that he is awayY "Oh, not
At breakfast just stand hin newspaper
up in front Of plate, and half the time
I really forget he isn't there."-Ex-
| change.
Beginning at Home: Jasper-I un-
derstood that you had turned over .
4 new leaf, and were even going to love
your enemies; but it seems to me that
you love no one but yourself. "Well. =
am my own worst lenemy."-Life.
Sufficient Evidence: Sambo- -Whar
you get dat chickeni Mark Anthony
Nebber you mind bout dat chicken
Taint yours. Sambo How you knows
faint? Mark Anthony-'Caus found
lit in youah coop.-New York Weekly.
Here's distinguished scientist who
5ays that, after all. there Is nothing In
serms." Nothing In germs? Nom
sense! why. look how much the doc
tors have made out Of them. m."-Detroit
Free Press.
20 sir. please. I have swallowed .
pin!" exclaimed a servant girl, running.
into her employers room. Never mind.
Mary" he replied. deep in study. "nev-
er mind; here's another" drawing one
from his pincushion.
.Those strings" said the first fish.
changing down in the water with
worms on the end Of them mean dan
GER" How do you know?" asked the
other. "Oh, can read between the
lines. Philadelphia Press.
us you gwine ter let dat mewel do
Is he pleases'' asked Uncle Ephraim's
wife. ..Wha's you win powerY my
viii powers all right" he answered
You Jest want ter come out hyar an
measure dis here mewefs won't pow
er."
"How much are you getting for thatT
he asked the man, who was mowin1
the lawn. Nothing" replied the man.
~rhen you're fool.' Il know It: but
! as own this place. and can't get away
. from it, I'VE been fool . long WHILE
philadelphia Record.
RI Kindly yisitor-Mrs. A.. what do you
suppose makes you suffer so! Mrs. A.
II don't know. am sure; and be.
!ieve nothing but post-mortem will
ever show. Kindly Visitor-You poor
thing! You are 20 weak that you can
!. never stand that.-Tit-B
II think I'll have some OF those crul.
iers," said Jones at the lunch countert
! "don't You want someT' INC" replied
Smith; "they don't agree with me-
.aThat 90 ~ eyes; I couldn't even eaa
, the hole in one without getting dys
pepsia. Philadelphia Record.
mike" said Plodding Pete. do you
! t'ink It does man much good to 80
} troo college?" "Not much" replied
, Meandering Mike. II went tr0o col.
iege once. an all got was two die
, tioneries an a suit of football clothes