The Cooperstown courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., N.D.) 1902-1913, 1902-07-03
THE rOURTH Is COMINC.

PUBIC Will SUauu l1TSG on one 1OOt
and then on the other and listen
to three hours of red-white-and-bl blue
oratory on the birth of freedom
while their hearts are stirred. and
their coat tails are shot off by fire.
crackers.
The Fourth of July the great
est Of holidays, especially. for the
undertaken and the man who sells
wooden legs, is coming, bringing
with it cheers for the grand old flag
and the man who catches the
CREASED pig.
The American Fourth of July cell
ebration this year will be conducted
in accordance with the usual pro-
gramme. In the forenoon the ex-
efcises will be opened with a selec-
ton by the Sunburnt brass band,
after which the chairman will read
the Declaration of Independence
with rising infection. The orator
Of the day will then speak kind
word for the government after
which dinner will be engulfed: I'M
mediately after dinner the Synburnt
brass band will give concert to all
who have the heart to listen, after
which there will be creased pole
climbing and other patriotic exer-
cises.
For the benefit of those who may
be called upon to perpetrate the
(. grafton of the day this year, we SUBJ
init the following, which has been
designed both for male or female
voice and may be given either with
or without gestures, according to
the discretion of the speaker:
Ladies, Gentlemen and Others:
have been invited to stand up here
and work off a few star-spangled-
banner remarks for you to-day in
commemoration of this great day.
and If somebody. in a. moment OF
patriotic ardor. don't blow off one
Of my legs with fire cracker or
shoot hole through me with a sky
rocket. will say what I can for
the American brand of liberty as
have been permitted to use it, and
get through in time for the creased
pig free-for-all and the fat women's
scuffle.
"One hundred and twenty-six years
ago to-day, my fellow citizens. we
had no liberty in this country.
There was no liberty of speech, no
liberty of the press, no liberty of
the pulpit, no liberty OF the store
box. nor no liberty of the divorce
court,s but to-day we have SO much
liberty that it keeps us awake
nights (slight pause caused by dis
turbance in outskirts of crowd
where small boy placed bunch of
lighted fire crackers in pocket Of
gentleman who was listening to
specify Yes, liberty was SO scarce
In those days that people didn't
Rnow. what color it was, and when a
man felt, moved to cuss the govern
ments he had to take ont a license
and give bond, but to-day the man
who never paid taxes on anything in
his life but a hound pup and a sew.
ing machine and never intends to,
can stand out and critieise our ma.
tional government till we feel like
hauling down the flag.
'.In all the history of the world
there never was country where
such large supply of liberty was
kept constantly on hand. We have
liberty of all sizes and shapes guar
anteed to fit and not to bag at. the
knees. liberty for the tall. for the
short. for the great, for the small
for the aristocrat, for the dead-beat
for the high, for-the low, for the
free born American who tells the
tax assessor that his piano only cost
him $3.50. and for the down-trodden
alien who hurried into this country
before he had time to take bath
To-day, my friends, we have met
here not as duty, but as pleas,
ure. We have closed up the livery
stable. and the barber shop and the
horse shoeing emporium and the po
litical argument and have come out
Z here to this beautiful grove ia
burn the incense of love, loyalty
and praise at the altar of our
common. country; we have met
here to extol the deeds Of those
who wrote the immortal docu.
ment which has given to every
man, woman and child throughout
the proud domain of our nation the
birthright of freedom. and to bow
in veneration before that emblem OF
liberty which waves DER us I. all
prolonged applause, interrupted by
scattering remarks of man who sat
down on fire cracker while the lat.
ter had the floor.)
zone hundred and twenty-six years
ago to-day the fact came to light
that all men are born equal, pro.
vided their parents are left out OF
the question. Many efforts had been
made to discover. this fact before, but
they Ahad all failed. When the fact
leaked out that all men are born
equal, but that some of them succeed
in keeping it a profound secret, it
caused intense excitement and some
bitterness of feeling. Some there
!. were who resented it, others stood
up for it, while there were still
others who stated that they did not
know whether they had been born
equal or not. because thev could not