davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30

MI. Botts-r think, my dear. have al
last found the key to success. Mrs
Botts-Well. just as like as not you'll
not be able to find the keyhole.-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Proud of the Boy: Doctor-'Pears to
me laik de boy dun got acute indece-
shun. Aunt Lucy Smiling through her
tears;-Dat's' 1t. doctah! Dat boy. sick
er well. dun eb'ryt'ing cute.-Judge
Frustrated: First Fly-Come quick,
mother! Sister has been drinking some
Of that poison they tried to fool us
with. Second Fly-Oh! Where Is she
First Fly-She's on the ceiling In q
dead faint-Life.
The Important Question: Mrs. Dash
leigh-Do you believe II is possible. as
Mrs. Roosevelt says. for a woman to
dress on three hundred dollars a year? ?
Mrs. Kafiippe-It may be possible. but
what's the use.--Exchange.
Drain on the Empire: IF the war
continues" groaned the British peer,
I'VE shall run out Of metal" For max.
Ing guns for the men" asked the
friend. mo; for making medals for
the officers. Chicago News.
DR.. A.-Why do you always make
such particular inquiries as to what
your patients eat? Does that assist you
In your diagnosis? DR.. B.-Not much;
but 1t enables me to ascertain their so
cial position and arrange my fees &C
cordingly.-Tit-Bits.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
Postal Service.

Postal service in the United States
originated in 1850, when the General
Court Of Massachusetts, ordered that
notice be given that Richard Fair
banks his house in Boston u the place
appointed for all letters which are
brought from beyond the seas or are
to be sent thither, to be left with him,
and he Is to take care that they are
to be delivered or sent according to the
direction. And he IL allowed for every
letter penny, and must answer all
miscarriages through his own neglect
In this kind"
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
RECENT JUDICIAL DECISIONS.

The owner Of team In charge OF Q
driver IL held in Perlstein VI. Ameri-
can Express Company CMass.). 81 L. h
A. 050. not to be liable for Injuries
caused by its collision with another on
the highway II at the time the driver
has departed from the prescribed route
for some purpose Of his own. i.
A slot machine seized by police ON
GERS under statutory authority for
the prevention Of crime. which
was designed to be used in vio-
lation of the gambling laws and inca
pable Of being put to, any legitimate
use. is held in board of police commits
sioners vs.. Wagner MD, 81 L.. h. A.
IT'S. not to be recoverable by an action
Of replerin.
Examining physicians who sign
certificate required by statute In order
to commit a person to hospital Tor
dipsomaniacs and inebriates are held
in Niven vs.. Boland (Mass.), 81 L. r. A.
788, not to be liable to one confined
therein without cause. where they act
in good faith and without malice, since
the privilege attaching to witnesses
and to cases Of privileged communica-
lions attaches to them.
The State, as accuser in a criminal
proceeding, does not seek the convic-
ton of one Of its citizens unless the
evidence shows his guilt beyond rea-
sonable doubt, the Supreme Court OF
Georgia holds, in the case Of Ivey VS..
State go 8. e. Rep, 420; nor will It
permit it's prosecuting officer to use
any unfair means in the trial, or Illegal
arguments in his address to the jury,
to the prejudice of the accused.
A railroad company is not liable for
damages resulting from an assault and
battery inflicted by the station agent
upon person when it appears that the
difficulty which gave rise to the beat
ing arose out Of a personal quarrel,
the Supreme Court Of Georgia holds,
in the case OF Lynch vs.. Florida, etc..
r. Co. $50 8. K. Rep, and that the
agent, so far as related to his partici-
patton therein, was acting upon his in
dividual responsibility and not within
the scope Of the business Of his agency
as an employee Of the company.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
GOOD
!. Short Stories

Calling one day on Miss Ferguson
and observing a fine honeysuckle IN
full blossom over the door, Sir Walter
Scott congratulated his friend on Its
appearance. She spoke Of 1t as trum.
pet honeysuckle. "Weel," said Scott,
"ye'll never come out o. your ain door
without a flourish O. trumpets"
A certain Judge in a Western State,
who was noted for his disinclination to
admit that he was Ill. was recently ap.
preached by the State Librarian. who
courteously asked after his health
william" said the Judge. cautiously
II am not well. but am, better than
was when l was worse than now
am" H t
General Ballington Booth. of the Vol
unteers of America, tells q story OF
prayer-meeting held in New York on
the East Side during the recent Mayor
atty campaign. In the midst Of pray
er, he relates. one pious brother said
ooh, Lord, we pray Thee that the
Democratic party may hang together In
the coming election" amen, answer
prayer. Lord" put in q Republican
who was near But do not mean
it as the Republican brother means it.
Lord. 1 pray that we may hang to-
gether in concord and accord" con
tinued the Democrat "Amen. Lord. y
again said the Republican; ANY cord
20 long as they hang"
Once, during a dry season in China,
the late Ii Hung Chang called on Min
lister Conger, and spoke Of the weather
EYES," said Mr.. Conger. 1T seems to be
dry everywhere. 1t is dry in Amer
lea, too. I read In one Of our papers
the other day that in many place in
the West the people were praying fol
rain" WHAT said the Earl. "dc
your people pray to their God fol
rainT "Oh, yes" said the minister
"they often pray for rain" land does
their God send 1t when they pray fol
itT asked the Earl. Yes, sometimes
their prayers are answered, and some
times they are not" "All the same
like Chinese joss. hey?" said the Earl
with a grin and q chuckle.
John w. Gates, Of the United States
Steel Corporation, tells this story OF
one of his friends who had his roman
tic notions knocked in the head In
Switzerland this summer. my friend
began the ascent to the hospice Of St
Bernard" says Mr.. Gates. "Wher
about an hours climb from the pass
he was stopped by a dense fog. He
waited gleefully. expecting to be res
cued by the dogs, and so be able to
come back to us with a thrilling story
The dogs did not come. however. and
the fog partly lifted, SO he resumed
his climb. and finally arrived at the
hospice, where he was welcomed
warmly by the brothers. His frs,
question was: why did you not send
the dogs out In SO dangerous a fog?
He nearly dropped from his chair when
one Of the brothers said: You did not
telephone u.s. Telephone your he
calculated. Yes. was the answer; you
see, shelters have been built all along
the climb. and each shelter has been
provided with a telephone. Ii a fog
comes up all one has to do Is to 60 to
the nearest shelter and telephone. We
Immediately send a man and dog to
that shelter. The dog carries bread
cheese, and wine. AS we know at just
what shelter the climber Is no time IL
lost in looking for him." Mr.. Gates
adds that his, friend was so disguised
that he left Switzerland at once.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
Lost the Lords Nickel

A little boy who goes to Sunday
school every Sunday always receives q
nickel from his father to place in the
collection plate. Last Sunday his father
gave him two nickels, saying: Zone is
for the Lord and the other Is for your
SELF" AS it was too early to start for
Sunday school. the little boy sat on the
porch steps in the warm sunshine play
ing with the two nickels. After q while
he dropped one Of them and 1t disap-
peared down q crack. Without q mo-
ment's hesitation and still clutching the
remaining coin in his clenched fst, he
looAsl up at his father. exclaiming:
"Oh. pop! There goes the Lords
nickeAy'
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
SICK Women
Ne. Valentine Tolls H0 ~
LYDIA z. Pfnll1bans's No0ofa.
DO O0sssp0sasd Cured Aors

q
Happiness will go out Of your life
forever, my sister, if you have any
Of the symptoms mentioned in Mrs.
Valentines letter, unless you act
promptly. Procure Lydia e. Pink.
hams Vegetable Compound at once.
1t is absolutely sure to help you. Then
write for advice If there is anything
about your case you do not under
stand.
You need not be afraid to tell the
things You could not explain to the
doctor-your letter will be seen only by
women. All the persons who see priv
ate letters at Mrs. Pinkhams Labora-
tory, at Lynn, Mass, are women. All
letters are confidential and advice abso-
lutely free.
Here is the letter: -" 1t is with
pleasure that 1 add my testimony to
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30

Father" he said, do you think
would be justified in getting married
on an income Of SIS per week?" Papa
Why, you young profligate. you never
earned a penny in your life. Son-No,
but l can marry that hanson type
writer girl that works for you.-Balti.
more World.
His Mission: 1T Is your aim, Of
course" said his intimate friend. ito
make people think" "No." replied the
popular lecturer. In q burst of conf
dence, my business Is to make people
think they think-or. rather. to make
them think ! think they think. "-Chi.
cago Tribune.
No." said the stubborn citizen, II
never confess that I am In the wrong"
why not?" There IL no use Of it II
q man mikes mistake In this life there
are thousands Of people ready to take
hold and advertise 1t. without his lift.
Ing his voice to swell the clamor."-
Washington Star.
you know. John. you promised me .
seal-skin wrap. and" And you
promised to keep my stockings darned
and you haven't done it." well. you
don't mean to say you'll break your
promise on that account?" well, It's
just like this: -"You don't give darn
and don't give q wrap"
City Magistrate course I don't
wish to stand In the way of my daugh.
ter's happiness. but know % little Of
you. Mr.. Hawkins. What 10 your vo-
cation? Mr.. Hawkins (airily)-Oh, I
write-er-poetp. novels-er-playA
and that sort Of thing. City Magistrate
Indeed! Most interesting. And how
do you uve?-Punch.
1t Got There Just the Same: Mabel
Such Joke on Mr.. Gayboy. We
were out on the balcony between the
dances, and he got the sleeve OF his
dresscoat all over red paint from one
Of the posts that were just painted.
Maud-And did you 90 near the post
Mabel-No. Why2 Maud-Because you
have red paint all over the back Of
Jour waist.-Harlem Life.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
or "Begin," Which?

commence" or "BeGin," Which?
Commence or begin? The best writ
ers, and the best speakers also. prefer
"begin" to commence" for all every
day purposes. The reason for this pref
erence is not, as some have said, that
begin" is older, for commence" is of
very respectable antiquity; nor is it. as
others have said, that begin" is of
Anglo Saxon origin, for words of
French or Of Latin origin that have
been fully adopted into our language
are just as good English as native
words; it is rather that begin" has the
strength Of simplicity, whereas com
mence'' has fallen into disrepute from
being associated with the cheap finery
of writing.-Ladies' Home Journal.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
WAGON Accidents Take the Lead.

A Paris sporting paper keeps up its
statistics designed to show the rarity
Of catastrophes resulting from the au-
tomobilism. It states that during the
month of June As persons were killed
and TIA injured by wagon accidents;
Is killed and 22S injured by railways;
4 killed and 124 injured by bicycles,
and only killed and so injured by au-
tomobiles,
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
brATE OF OHIO, CITY OF TOLEDO, .,

srArr o. I oa.S' c SaTy or TOLEDO |ss.
FRANK J. CHENEY makes oath that. he is the
senior parter of the firm of F. J. CHENEY & Co..
doing business in the City of Toledo, County
and State aforesaid, and that said firm with pay
the sum OF ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for each
and every case of Catarrh that cannot be cured
by the use of HALLS CATARRH CURE.
FRANK ] CHENEY
Sworn to before me and subscribed in my
presence, this 9Th day Of December, A. D. 1886.
}sr.,l A. W. GLEASON,
t-,-S Notary Pubic
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally and acts
di.ectly on the blood and mucous surfaces OF
ths system. Send for testimonials, free.
]. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, O.
Sold by druggists, 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the best
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
MILLIONS A Year
INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF MONEY
LOSTBYTHE WORKING CLASSES.
An Interview With George v. Hammond
Of Tacoma, wash. Man Who
Talks from Experience.


The money lost annually by skilled
workmen of all occupations figures w
to millions of dollars and is becoming
greater every year. This amount Of
money represents mainly time lost and
the serious effect upon the social com.
fort of the workingmen and their fam.
lilies is evident. Mr.. George V. Ham.
mond, of Tacoma, Wash, said the
other day:
II have lost my share of time but ]
am thankful to say that have not beer
losing any of late"
"You don't look as if you had lost
much through sickness"
"No, and I don't feel so. But the
fact remains that was a very sick
man. I took cold along in 1889 and
rheumatism settled in my arms and
shoulders. I suffered for three years
and nothing relieved me until in April
1892, upon the recommendation of my
sister, began the use of DR.. Williams
Pink Pills for Pale People and found
relief in the second box. I took five
boxes in all and now am entirely cured
and have had no occasion to use them
since"
Mr.. Hammond resides at No. 610
N. Steele street, Tacoma, WASH, and
at the request of the reporter made affi-
davit to his above statement before
James H. Dege, a notary public, on
July 5, 1901.
There is a popular. idea that rheuma.
tism is caused by exposure to cold and
that some localities are infected with
it more than others. Such conditions
frequently promote the development OF
the disease, but, from the fact that
rheumatism runs in certain families
it is shown to be hereditary and, con-
sequently disease of the blood.
Frequently an individual, in whose
family rheumatism has not occurred
develops the disease, and when a dag.
nosis of the case is made, it ie general
ly found that the ailment is due to a
arrangement of the blood.
External applications may afford tenn
porary relief, but to cure the disease il
is necessary to treat it through the
blood.
DR.. Williams Pink Pills for Pale
People 60 directly to the seat Of the dis
order, pruifying and .enriching the
blood by eliminating poisonous ele'
ments and renewing health giving
forces. They are positive specific
not only for rheumatism, but for such
diseases as locomotor ataxia, partial
paralysis, St. Vitus dance, sciatica, neu.
ralgia, rheumatism, nervous headache
the after effects of grip or fevers, and Of
other acute diseases, palpitation of the
heart, pale and sallow compilations and
all forms of weakness, either in male OF
female. DR.. Williams Pink Pills fol
Pale People are sold by all dealers OIL
will be sent postpaid on receipt Of
price, fifty cents box; six boxes, tive
dollars and fifty cents, by addressing
DR.. Williams Medicine Company
Schenectady, N. Y. Be sure to get the
genuine; substitutes never cured any.
body.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
A Woman's Mercy Fad:

A Boston woman will agitate for a
law prohibiting the boiling or roasting
Of chestnuts, on the ground that it in
wolves painful death of worms "whose
right to life, liberty and the pursuit OF
happiness is no less than that of the
most highly lowered man" New
York Tribune.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30

The following notice was found tack
ed upon the door Of Clinton County.
Missouri, church recently: There viii
be preaching In this house, Providence
permlttin', Sunday, and there win be
preaching here whether or not ON the
Monday following upon the subject.
He that believeth and II baptized shall
be saved. and he that believeth not
shall be damned at half-past in the
afternoon.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
Then He Gets Noisv.

Mrs. Biggs-Your husband isn't
much for show. He always dresses
very quietly.
Mrs. Diggs-Huh! You ought to hear
him sometimes when his collar button
rolls under the dresser. Daily
News.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30

Brooklyn, N. Y, Jan. 10th For many years
Garfield Tea, The Herb Cure, has been earnitg
Q reputation that is rare-it is UNIVERSALLY
praised This remedy presents unusual at
fractions to those in search of health; 1t Ia
made of HERBS that cure in Natures way-by
removing the cause of disease; it is PURE: 1t
eleanses The system, purifies the blood and es-
tablishes perfect action of the digestive or
gans. 1t is equally good for young and old.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
Family Pride.

"Mr. Cumrox is only suffering from
an ordinary cold, believe" said the
sympathetic visitor.
"Well," answered Mrs. Cumrox.
we've done our best to keep it from
being ordinary. We've sent for the
most expensive physician in the city"
Washington Star.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
Pres, BrInsins unlyersial Peaes.

Max O'Rell, who recently Joined the
staff of the Paris Figaro, thinks that
the press now fulfills the duties for
merly monopolixed by diplomacy and
urges his companions Of the pen to re-
frain from writing on any subject with
which they have not at least an ele-
mentary acquaintance. II this plan
were followed everywhere he says that
twenty years hence the peace of the
world would be assured.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30

Not Going Into the MILK Business.
WhyrAI hear that Perkins bought q
COW when he was down In Maine.
Browne-Is that SO? Why, where in
the world is he going to keep her?
Whyte-He isn't going to keep her.
He shot her for q deer.-Somervill
Journal.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
tinually in the house. In Pecan, :,
ter to DR.. Hartman he saws:

III recent lat
ter to DR.. Hartman he saws:
State of Oregon
Executive DepartnsD,
Salem, May 8, 1898
The Pe-ru-na Medicine Co.. Colr,.,
Ohio:
Dear Sirs-I have had occasioD
use your Pe-ru-na medicine in nv i,r
lily for colds, and it proved to be an I a-
cellent remedy. l have not had o0~,
sion to use it for other ailments
Yours very truly, W. NJ. Lord
1t will be noticed that the govs,r,,
says he has not had occasion to usa D.
ru-na for other ailments n,
reason for. this is, most other ailmar,,
begin with a cold. Using Pe-u.na y
promptly cure colds, he protects n,
family against other ailments. Thi. !,
exactly what every other family in tbs
United States should do. Keen pa,
ma in the house. Use it for eor,b.
colds, la grippe, and other clima,i.
affections of winter, and there will IA
no other ailments in the house. Sucb
families should provide themselves with
a copy of DR.. Hartman's free book en-.
titled "Winter Catarrh." Address Dr.
Hartman, Columbus, Ohio.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30

your list, hop
ing it may in
duce others to
avail tn e m
selves of the
benefit Of your
valuable rem
edys Before
taking Lydia
e. Pinkham's
We &c ia bl 9
Compound l
felt very bad
ly,was terribly
nervOuS. and
tired, had sick
headaches, no
. p p e t i { e ,
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30

Bsssars Pursue Carnegie.

While in Pittsburg the other day
Andrew Carnegie was forced to leave
the house in which he was staying by
a rear door and drive off in carriage
to escape a crowd of people begging
money for charitable objects-many OF
them for libraries. Mr.. Carnegie re-
ceives over 800 begging letters day.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
Il Depends.

First Chappie Il say, old chap,
I'm going to big shoot. What sort
of tip should I give the keeper?
Second Chappie - 1t depends on
where you hit him.-London Punch.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30

gnawing pain in stomach. pain in my
back and right side, and SO weak I
could scarcely stand. l was not able
to do anything. Had sharp pains all
through my body. Before had taken
half bottle of your medicine, found
myself improving. I continued its use
until had taken four bottles. and felt
20 well that did not need to take any
more 1 am like a new person, and
your medicine shall always have my
praise. MRS. w. P. VALENTINE, SOD
Ferry Avenue. Camden, NJ.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
Misrepresented.

Subscriber-You misrepresented me
in your paper.
EditOr-HOw so.
Subscriber-Didn't you say I was the
happy father Of bouncing boy?
Editor-Yes.
Subscriber-Well. it's case Of twins.
Ohio State Journal.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
Reserved Situations.

eyes, poor fellow, she married him
to reform him."
"Well?"
"And now he's got his hands full
trying to reform her. "'-Denver Times.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
David Discounted,

Sunday School Teacher - Now,
Johnny, whom, more than any body
else, do you wish to see when you 20
to heaven?
Johnny (eagerly)-Goliath.-
Herald
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
Neither Small Nor Short.

"'Andrew Carnegie is small man -
"Smalll There's never been auv.
thing small about Carnegie"
swell, then; he's short"
"short, with $3.50, 900, 900 to give
away!"-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30

l am sure PisO's Cure for Consump tion
saved my life three years ago.-MRs. f4os.
RoBIINs, Maple street, Norwich, N. T.,
Feb. II. 1900,
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
A Straw.

Edith-Why do you think Mr.. Field
means business?
Ethel-He has asked me why did
not attend cooking school.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
Suicide In French Army

According to French army paper,
suicide is more common in the French
army than in any other in Europe. OF
the annual death rate in all branches
Of the service suicide accounts for 5
per cent.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
When It's Contagious.

Hoax-I wonder If insomnia is ever
contagious?
Joax-Well, find it affects me
whenever our baby has it.-Philadel.
phia Record.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30

FRO Permanently Cured. No nts o. nervougneo
ITO After first day ,eise of Dr. Klinss Great N6rys
hegirer Oc1dfor FREE %. 90 trial bottle and treGS
- Dp, r. II. KLINE. Ltd, 9sl Arch0t.. PhihdslphiA Ro
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
How lie Kept Up.

"Well, Billy, how did camping go?'
ooh, all right; slipped off to the
farm houses around now and then and
got a square meal on the sly"
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
Not q Novelty.

"The new Holland submarine boat
stayed under water fifteen hours"
1.-THE Spanish feet did better than
| that."-Washington Star.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
Hadn't Graduated.

what good does your college edu-
cation do you If you can't carry bowl
Of soup to a guest without putting
your thumb in it," said the summer
hotel proprietor to the student waiter.
"Oh, WELL" was the reply; you
must remember have two years more
In college. Statesman.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30

Where Hats Come From.
Hat dealers buy principally from the
English and Italian markets. England
furnishes stiff and Italy soft hats.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-30
The Easiest Way.

Husband-What are you doing in my
pockets. Haven't you any money!
Wife, have money Of my own, but
a mans pockets are SO much easier to
find.