Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1902-02-21
EA}Aa|R|(EEtgq So
G:ssS -


do-he cannot wear a pompadour
Does the course of their true love
run smooth?" "Oh, yes; there are
banks on both Sides"
Tom Hood was the wittiest poet"
declared the Briton. "Oh! | don't
KNOW" returned the Yank; I'VE have a
Whittier"
Mr.. Snaggs-The leaves are leaving
my dear. Mrs. Snaggs-Is there any
thing odd about that? Mr.. Snaggs--
Yes. in the spring 1t was the trees that
were leaving.
My largest item of expense is on ac-
count of advertising" II was not
aware that you were in business" 81
am not. But my wife reads the ads.
in the papers"
Small Man-Yes, sir, he's a con-
temptible scoundrel and told him SO.
Big Man-Did he knock you down?
Small Man-No; told him-er-
through the telephone.
Teacher-Now. Susie, you may con-
struct sentence in which the word
literary" occurs. Susie (after much
thought)-Little Willie's hands were
literary black with dirt
WHO married you?" asked the JUS
tice of colored citizen, who had been
brought before him for some domestic
trouble. You did, suh," was the re-
ply; but amt voted fer you sense"
Her Father-Well, sir, what can do
for you? Her I-er-called to
see If you-er-would give assent to my
marriage to your daughter. Her Faith
er-Not cent, sir; not cent. Good
day.
Proud Mother (complacently)- My
daughter is studying the language
abroad. She speaks French and ltal-
Ian as well as she does English. Wis.,
itor Qnnocently)-And does she speak
English well?
Teacher-What is meant by "medium
of eXchange?" Watman?
Teacher-What is the medium of ex-
change-what do you take to the store
with you when your mother sends you
for groceries? Willie-The book.
What Is the nature of this new fan
gled malady which they call the golf
Ing spine'?" "That," responded Cyni-
Gus, 'is easy. 'Golfing spine Is what
the old man used to have after hard
days plowing. but he called it the
backache."
81 see Mr.. Marlin has put naphtha
engine into his yacht, so that he can
make 1t go when there Is no breeze"
Yes; and Mr.. Perfume Is putting sails
In his naphtha launch, so that he can
make it go when the engine won't
work. Puck
Tammany Politician arranging for
music at political meeting)-Isn't that a
big price? You may not have to play
half dozen times during the whole
evening. Brass Band Leader--But, my
dear sir, we have to sit there and listen
to the speeches.
why do poets wear long hair?"
asked the young woman who Is anx-
ious to learn. MY dear" answered
the young woman who believes there
Is no such thing as modern literature.
''if they didn't wear long hair how
would We know they are poets"
Mr.. Wheatpit--My failure is the talk
of the street. At the meeting of my
creditors to-day l arranged to pay so
cents on the dollar. Mrs. Wheatpit-
(after moments figuring)-Oh. Henry.
isn't that lovely? Then the $40 hat
had sent home to-day will only cost
half price.
Mother-Ethel Is the very Image Of
what | was at her age. He-Really!
shouldn't have thought 1t possible!
Mother (coldly)-May | ask why? He
(see his error. and striving to rectify
iD-Oh-er-l was forgetting what u
long time ago that must have BEEN
Punch.
"Mr. Bunker looks worried these
days" "Yes, another addition to his
family arrived last week." But he's
enormously wealthy. Why should he
worry over another mouth to feed~
1T isn't that. but the thought that it's
another one to buy golf alls for
eventually"
A stalwart Life Guardsman in Lon
don strolled leisurely down the street,
and. approaching an expectant boot
black. pompously placed one enormous
foot on the polishing block. For mo-
ment or two the lad gazed in wonder
ment at the expanse of leather spread
before his eyes. and then he hailed n
colleague on the other side of the STREET