The Savannah morning news., 1902-08-31

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"Td like to be an ambassadure,"
said Mr.. Hennessy.
"An' why?" said Mr. Dooley.
at must be grand job said Mr.
Hennessy.
"'Tis an aisy job" said Mr.. Dooley.
IAN tits a gran job if ye care FIR it.
But it amt tn job it used to be. TIL
time was, Hinnissy, whin a man that
was an ambassa dure was tn whole
thing, dye mind. He wint off to a
foreign country an they was no ca
bles an no fast ships an he done as
he pleased an tn first thing amy iv
US heerd iv him he'd hit tn King in
tn eye an we had a war on our hands.
Thin was tn days whin ye'd have
| good time as an ambassadure. | can
see We now mixin' in a little proosic
acid with tn soup iv ye'er friend tn
Eyetalian ambassadure, rayceiving
spies on tn doings iv tn prime minis
theirs wife an sindin a letther to tn
king: 4 have tn honor to inform ye'er
majesty that if We don't do so-an' so
befure six o'clock this avnin L will
be obliged to bump We. Accept tn as
surance iv me mos distinguished con-
sidheration an hurry up An ambas-
sadure dye mind, was a kind iv pris-
idint iv tn United States livin' abroad
an he done what he thought tn pris-
idint would do if he was in tn same
place an tn priSidint had to make
good FIR him.
| but nowadays, we don't need an
ambassadure amy more thin we need
| a stage coach to go down to Mitchi-
gan City. TIL REQUIREMENTS has
changed with tn time. If me frind
Prisidint Tiddy wants to know what's
goin' on anywhere all he has to do
| is to subscribe to tn pa-apers. If he
| wants to do anything about 1t he can
dhrop into tillygraft Office an sind a
cable message to tn king iv Bool-
| gahrya or whoever it is that's, maxim
| tn throuble. To be an ambassadure
all a man needs is to have his wife
want to live in Europe. To be a first
sicrety he must be "a good Walter
to be a sicind sicrety he must know
how to press clothes an take care iv
childer. Ye don't see anybody
nowadays that stands a chant to be
illicited sheriff thryin' to be ambassa-
rude anywhere. An ambassarude is
a man that Is no more use abroad thin
he wud be at home. A vice-prisidint
iv company that's bein' took in be
a thrust, a lawyer that tn juries is
onto. congressman that-eaift be re-
ilicted. milishy gin'ral who's family
wants to larn Fr-rinch without TIL
aid iv a teacher, thm's tn kind that
lands. Ye cudden't blindfold me an
back me into tn job. No sir. If me
friend in Wash-nton iver offered to
sind me to reside at or near tn Coort
iv Saint James I'd asst him: Are
all tn guagers jobs took?' No wan
that loves his fellow counthymen as
l do, an knows thin wud accept tn
honor an lave his property an good
name in their care FIR four years.
While have me vfgor I'll remain
here with me hand on tn gun. 1 bet
we | cud put an adver- tisement in tn
pa-apers to-morroh: Wanted an am
bassadure ixhtrordhnry; middle aged,
Protestant gintleman iv good figure,
kind disposition, an used to siciety;
salary So a week an Ar-rchey Road'd
be blocked with applicants an they'd
all be good enough.
mo sir, it amt tn job it was I
used to think I'd like to be wan an
go over to Roosha an whin some good
la-ad firm this country got into
throuble over hurlin remarks iv an
unkind nature at the Car to wrap
him through town in an expriss wag-
on While tn Rossyan gin'ral that was
go'in to shoot him, bit holes in his
whiskers an muttered: Curse that
American dogsky. He's foiled me be-
fure me army An if tn Ameri-
can citizen was pinched I'd dhrive up
to tn palace in a furyous rage, push
tn guards aside an march into tn
chamber where tn Car sat on his
throne an say: Sign an order to re-
lease this man in tin minyets or I'll
blow up tn fiat 'Ar-re we aware.
says tn Car with blanched face, that
ye're addhressin' a king? I am says
I. with me hand on tn brest iv tn
uniform Nv tn Hibernyan Rifles iv
which / was ilicted lin me mind) tn
colonel befure 1 sailed. I am dishpot.
says I. An 1 says. 'ar're we aware.
says that We ARE addhressin',' |
says, Martin Dooley Ministher Pleni-
probationary an Amsbassadure Ex-
thrordin'rt Nv tn United States iv
America, County iv Cook S. S., huroo, .
says 1, pullin' a little American flag
me vest pocket an wavin' it over me
head. Great Hivns,' says tn Car.
signin' tn ordher with thrembIin
hands an / hurry off to tn dungeon
an release Eben Perkins an he gives
me a goold watch an his good-Iookin
wife throws her arms around me neck
an calls me their ptesarver. Twas
wan iv tn Dhreams iv me youth I'm
| oldher now.
Centrally whin we see in tn pa
apers that a mars been appinted an
| ambassadure we know it ought to
| r-read that his wife has been anDint-