The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-08-23
ALICE'S IDYLL OF OYSTER BAY.
The Satirist Guides Girl Who Visited
Wonderland

tNew York SUM-
Come. Alice, let me show you the
wonderland of Oyster Bay, where a
presidents normal life on vacation ex-
cites more than gubblechub. 1t is
a pretty station. Mosquitoes meet all
trains, separating the leather skinned
from the edible. Are these the pirates
of Oyster Bay? Quite so. Each is
captain of one-horse rig which will
sail yoU to Sycamore hill. They are
the recrudescence of the Niagara Falls
hackman- Let US submit to their ex-
tortions driving slowly through the viii
lage that we may see the outer fringe
of life here
See the man in the quack, Guack
trousers screaming as he runs to the
telegraph office. What is he saying?
Quentin has thrown his father over
the fence." 1t will be told TO New
York in red ink on the fudge page.
But stay, another man halts him:
He, too, has news that is worthy of
the colored inks. Yes, ii is as we
feared The president has changed
his policy This morning, it Seems,
he used sand sudspoliO in the bath. He
tubbed this afternoon with Spares.
He can't float it, cries the indig-
nant statesman.
Let us move on. How green the
hedges and lawns that skirt the way
TO Sycamore hill. Is there a secret
service man behind each blade of
grass? N.Y. There comes the lawn
moweri Run, men!
Here is the private lane of the
Roosevelt estate. History is making
under that roof, beneath the shade of
these trees and from the float near the
bath house hard by. Where will the
great Littlefield conference be held in
August month? On the sound? Mostly
VIII Mr.. Lttlefield be taken a-bath-
ing? Hardly. Octopi run close to
shore in these waters. He will need
all his arms and legs for gestures in
next congress.
Observe that tree Standing beneath
il, we are told. the president told Sec
rotary Root the best bait for gubble-
clubs Is the octopus a fry or a
broiler? We must wait for the next
annual report of the secretary of war.
The children have found a new game
to Pay on the barn top. The flying
man with camera, streaming behind
him has learned the game, too. and
soon the cables viii be warm with it.
Frying the friars" is played with a
lukewarnn egg and dull thimbIe 1t
is a delicate game.
Behind the bushes over there the
president told Senator McLaurin who
Will get the dead mans shoes in the
court of claims. The senator has small
feet, yet they can be stepped on.
Seven fat jobs are growing over in
the garden. That is the Panama canal
commission plant. VIII our friend
Jones pluck one? He may, If he will
make the secret pact which the presi-
dent demands He must vote to re-
tire the Panama hat from the fashion
book next summer. That is the main
purpose of this Panama commission.
This is Secretary Cortelyou coming
over the grass He has a definition
1t is smOothness without oil. Men feel
his JUNCTION, but their hands are dry.
II Mr.. Devery were here he'd call Mr..
Cortefyou "the goods" He has come
out to talk TO the reporters. Has Kir-
met flung the groom into the sky? Does
the cook use yeast or baking powder?
Is the sugar which the president feeds
the saddler Bleistein beet, cane or DO
gus? Who sleeps in the oyster beds?
If we could look into the house we
might see the president lighting a
cigar. Is it from the box which Leon
ard Wood sent him or the present from
the chief of police of Havana? 1t
would not be ethical to examine the
box Be assured there is no Bingham
ton brand on it.
The man wringing his hands behind
the hedge is a photographer. He did
not catch the president in bathing. The
William Gillette is showing him the re-
turn route.
How thoughtless of the president to
play tennis when there is postmaster
TO be named in Four Bears. Does he
know that a Chinese laundry trust has
advanced the price on plated shirts
right here in Oyster Bay? Do plaits
plead in vain?
You forget that he is booked to speak
at three New England fairs on his next
trip, fearsome trial, which calls for
a study of hegemonic things
Let us leave him alone with the synO-
nyms. Another day we may return
to calculate how many tucks make a
blouse for Archie.