davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Mans Dress $50 a Year

Mrs. Theodore Roosevelt's statement
that a woman can dress well on $500
year caused tailor the other day to
discuss the annual cost of a mans
dress.
The average man, he said, had two
suits, a winter and a summer one, that
last him at least two years, and two
overcoats, one for fall and one for win
ter, that last him three years. The
suits, at $50 each, divided by two (the
number Of years Of their endurance),
and the coats at similar figure divid-
ed by three, would cost $50. Two pairs
of shoes would cost $40. two hats 81.
and a moderate amount of linen and
underwear about $50 more. That makes
the grand total Of the average mans
annual expenditure for dress only $50.
and the tailor said he thought many
persons got through on even less.
The rich man who goes out good
deal will spend often $1,000 or more q
year on his clothes, and the tailor men
toned, says the Philadelphia Record,
the names of two young millionaires
who each lavish from $2,50O to $1,000
annually on their wardrobes.
Some smiles look as though they had
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
THE SNOWDRIFT.

When night dropped down, the fields
were dark and dun,
Storm sprites were out-we heard the
north wind blow;
Then when arose the slowly wading sun,
Morning came mantled in robe OF
snow.
White grew the landscape; every field
and knoll
Shone forth transfgured by the snow
storms spell;
The trees and fences stood in motley
droll,
Half dark, half whitened by this mira
Gle.
But where the stone wall held it's Parian
weight
OF snowdrift, like some Alp or Apen-
nine,
We saw a sculpture man could not create
Smoothed off and chiseled by some
touch divine.
Mute wonder of the myriad nodded snow
Pure as the stars that sentinel the SKY
What art could improvise and fashion So
Unless some godlike power sped pro
creant by!
Here plinth and cornice, architrave anc
frieze,
Lift up beauty to the day and sun,
Amidst the silver of the tinseled trees
Thtat never Phidias or Canova won.
Country Life.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
yon! After all, I've oniy given you my
view. PerhaDs the other GIRL

yon! After all, I've on;y given you my
view. Perhaps the other girl"
There is no other girl!'
Again Millicent's face became scar
let.
why, what do you mean?" she cried.
'Well-I-O, what an ass l am!
thought hoped perhaps you'd give
me lead. 1t was you I'd fallen in love
with, Miss Bainbridge"
Millicent could hardly keep from
bursting into a peal of merry laugh
ter.
why on earth didn't you say so at
once, Mr.. Carlyon?" she cried roguish-
ly. 1T would have saved such a lot
of trouble. Why, there's the music for
the next dance"
Carlyon rose somewhat heavily.
'Ah, well, he cried, I've made an
idiot of myself for nothing"
For nothing? Am nothing?"
The young man paused. Something
in Millicents dancing eyes awoke COM
prehension in his mind, absolutely un-
used as he was to tle bewitching CO.
quetries of the sex capricious.
You're not laughing at me, Milli-
cent?" he asked soberly.
Millicent grew grave in a moment.
mo, you dear, darling old simpleton,'
she answered in voice that made Carl
yon's pulses quicken; there, how does
that strike you for lead?"
! And that was all Dick Carlyon's WOO
| ing.-Cnicago Tribune.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Proud of His Position.

One of the Scottish regiments in
South Africa has for its regimental pet
a huge male ostrich, which has proved
itself on several occasions friend in
deed. Its first appearance came about
in this way. A party had been sent to
destroy a farm house that had been the
hiding place of the asSassins of several
of the men. and, when the house had
been emptied of its occupants, the
horses and cattle driven off, fearful
noise was heard coming from a little
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
A ONE. SIDED WG0iNd.
1.
70 E was a big-limbed, brown

00 f was a big-limbed, brown
iii faced man, and somehow he
SS looked awkward amid the gilt
tering artifciality of Il ballroom. He
was Just the sort of being one asso-
ciated with big game hunting and the
wild regions Of the earth. He seemed
as much out of place at a dance as a
rice pudding in Partisan menu.
Miss Bainbridge!'
"Mr. Carlyon!'
The mans voice was apologetic the
girls frankly amazed.
Fancy finding you at dance! the
girl went on. after the first flush of sur
prise had died natural death.
Yes, it's not much in my line. But
the fact is-well, l came to see YOU
ITO see me?'
Yes. | wanted to ask your advice
on subject that has been worrying
me a great deal. You're about the only
girl | know whom l thought l could
tackle without fear of being laughed
ut. Can you give me a dance?"
Millicent Bainbridge could hardly
help smiling at the almost boyish man
ner in which the sunburnt young giant
voiced his semi-apologetic avowal.
IL shall be delighted she said, sweet
ly. What shall it be?"
20, l don't care-l mean l do care,
only l can't dance, so it can be polka,
waltz. or what you will. But | know
you're a good dancer. so it had better
be one you don't mind sitting OUT
shall we say number six. polka ~
Number six arrived in due course. BY
that time Millicent was devoured with
curiosity to know what Carlyon could
possibly want to ask her advice about
How big and handsome and frank he
was! So different to the usual run Of
men encounted in London ballroom.
Carlyon bore his partner away in tri
umph to a secluded corner of the con
servatory. AS soon as they were seated
he burst out:
i've fallen in love- Miss Bainbridge
I've known you n good long time. anG
l want you to tell ME how a fellow Is
to make sure of getting a girl to return
his affection"
Millicent's face went crimson. Their
the color ebbed away.
Does the girl know you are fond OF
herr" she said, after slight pause.
"She hasn't an idea" answered Carl
yon emphatically. And I'm such 6
rough sort of fellow l don't know how
to begin. Supposing you were the girl
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10

sequence. imparts to the left side OF
the body the preponderance over the
right one. a condition styled left-hand-
edness. In close connection thereto IS
the habit of most left-handed persons
to sleep on the left side in the uncon-
scious endeayor to relieve the right
half of their brain, which is more
charged with blood during the day.
For right-handed persons the position
on the right side is the normal one for
the same reason.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Uncle Eph'm Crushes a Doubter.

"FOr all your pretending to be so
wise, Uncle Ephraim," said the colonel,
who dwelt in the big house on the hill,
you don't know how to bring up chill
dren. Look at that young rapscallion
of yours that's always robbing my Or
chard."
dat don't make no Offence bout a
mans wisd'm, cunnel," said Uncle
Eph'm, austerely, chow he done brung
up his chillun. King Solomon hisse'f
raised boy dat turned d."-Chicago
Tribune.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10

A Boston funeral director" displays
in front Of his establishment a sign
| which reads: "Undertaking-whole
and retail.'
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Sheer Nonsense.

Joakley-Queer thing about that tall
man over there. All his intimate friends
call him "Short."
Coakley-Just because he is so tall,
eh?
Joakley-No, because that's his name
philadelphia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
He Could Wait.

Here's the devil to pay" exclaimed
the old man, coming in with a handful
of bills.
Don't worry about him, DEAR" said
the wife. He knows that you'll settle
with him herea fter. ."-Atlanta Constitu-
fiop
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
They Didn't Dare to Notice 1t.

Although the late ameer of Afghani-
stan was bow-legged, nobody dared to
allude to the fact until after he was Of
ficially declared dead.
This shows what it is to be success
full autocrat-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
WIN Be Glad to Hear II.

Blobbs-I see there's movement on
foot to coin half-cent pieces.
Slobbs-That will be good news for
the people who have been putting PEN
nies In the collection basket every Sum
day for many years.-Philadelphia
Record.
The Man-who- ho-Didn't-Get-OH
For deep-laid, underground, double
dyed contrary meanness give me a
woman"
"Goodness-whatd do you mean"
'They always go to cleaning house
just when a man is thinking of going
fishing. Times Herald.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10

Her Father-He claims to love you
and yet is afraid to speak to me. What
sort of goose is he? 1 was not afraid
to ask for yodr. mother
She-Yes, know. But-but-you see,
she did not have the same sort of a
father I have.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
His Price.
The Other View.

"It seems to me-" said the lady with
a severe glance, that the newspapers
print some dreadful things"
YES" answered the reporter; cit Of
ten makes me sad to think that people
insist on doing shocking things and
compelling us to write about them."-
Washington Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Her Dearest Friend.

May-Jack was saved by a bullet
striking my picture, which he carried
in the breast pocket Of his tunic.
Lucy-Is that so? Well, should say
your picture would stop a four-inch
shell-Stray Stories.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Violent Cases.

Gothamite (referring to Stock Ex
change brokers doing business)-What
do you think of them, uncle?
Uncle from Podunk)-Worst 1 ever
see! Where dew they lock 'em up
nights ?-Puck.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Barred Out.

81 have decided to be a hospital
nurse" said Amy. Il saw it stated
that rs per cent of the unmarried men
fall in love and propose marriage to
the women that nurse them through
severe illnesses"
Il saw that statement, too," added
Mabel; "but my recollection is that it
said pretty nurses" STRAY Stories.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
A Freaks Failure.

whats the matter with the sword
swallower?"
"Why, some smart person brought in
a blade of grass and~asked him to swal
low t''-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
A Familiar Illustration,

"Now, Johnny" said the Sunday
school teacher, you may tell us what
prophet isl
why" replied Johnny, "it's a fellow
that's always lookin' for a chance to
say I told You so.' '"-Philadelphia
Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Warning from Insurance Men.

New Orleans insurance experts warn
the people that the city may be burned
down any time if the present careless
methods of handling oil are tolerated.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Unsophisticated.

Jack-That little girl I'm in love with
now is a perfect little wild flower
fresh as daisy. Why, she's never even
been waltzed with.
George-Well! well!
Jack-That's true Never been any
thing but engaged a few times.-New
York Weekly.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
The Clash of Brains.

- The man of staid and studious turn
Will struggle day and night to learn;
And rival seers will try to show
That all his knowledge isn't so.
Washington Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Mixed Breed.
Had No Cause for Fear.

X.-That dog is a pointer, isn't he?
Y.-Gad, no! He's a disappointer!
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
No Golf.

'The pastor said this morning that
we should go to church, no matter how
bad the weather is''
"Why, that is the only time can go.
Then there's nothing else to do"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.

Odd, Curious and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Por-
trayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Our Own Day-A Budget of Fun.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
A Better WAY

A Better Way.
Dramatist-In my new play the hero
gets killed in the last act.
Manager-That's mistake.
Dramatist-Why?
Manager-He ought to be killed in
the first act.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Poor SuHcreri

Philadelphia Man-Can you do some
thing for me, doctor? 1 am dreadfully
troubled with insomnia.
Physician-I am sorry to hear it.
Philadelphia Man-Yes, some nights
1 cannot get to sleep after 9 o'clock
Somerville Journal
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
To the Astronomers.

Still survey the heavens
For all that you are worth,
We may have to hunt planet
When the trusts own all the earth.
Washington Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Effect on Different Faces

Mrs. Myles-That hat makes your
face look very short.
Mrs. Styles-That's funny. 1t made
my husbands face look long.-Stray
Stories.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Too Bad.

"Do you know, Miss Frisbie," said
the large-headed young author, my
most brilliant thoughts come to me il
my sleepw
Its great pity that you are trou-
bled with insomnia" added the young
lady.-Detroit Free Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
A Timely Hint,

The women should quit wearing
white feathers In their hair. No one
admires the white feather, even when
it is shown in a whim Of fashion,
Atchison Globe.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
The Point of View,

Britannia rules the waves In war;"
we said to the Boer patriot.
Indeed? thought Britannia
waived rules in war;" responded he,
with some bitterness manifest in his
speech.-Baltimore American.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
He Wandered.

Mrs. Whyte-She learned to speak
French in six weeks.
Mr.. Whyte-I wonder how long it
will take the folks over in France to
learn to understand her.-Somerville
Journal
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
The Desired Result.

First Chinese Diplomat-The for
eign diplomats are holding another con-
ference to-day.
Second. Chinese Statesman-Well, let
US hope they will reach misunder-
standing.-Puck.
She Would Do the Following Then.
Il could follow your footsteps all my
life long, dearestr'
'Oh, yes; you say that; but when we
are married no doubt you'll always
walk about ten feet ahead of me, just
like all other husbands. s.''-Stray Sto-
ries.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Competitive Examinatio

Mr.. Hopkins-What would you do if
a Boston girl quoted Emerson at your
Mr.. Simpson-I'd ask her to name the
Presidents of the United States.-De-
troit Free Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10

Yeast-I see a Philadelphia compos-
er has written quickstep.
Crimsonbeak-Yes, and l hear they
are using it in Chicago for a funeral
march.-Yonkers Statesman.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
A Bald Assertion.

Barber-Your hair will be gray if it
keeps on.
Scantylocks-Well,I hope it will keep
on.-Baltimore World.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
lust About.

Uncle Jason (at the seaside hotel)-
What's the difference between the
American and European plans, John
Galey-Oh, about the same difference
-Puck
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10

Every man hides his deformity.
We are all caught oftener than we
imagine.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10

todaavu Louis
wste iHy f sn IS F h the OF the sponge
been nLrgh
tuberculosis an
toandhr
unden ,and ofcossch be o L
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Free Bathing.

"Did you notice, Weary, dat some
English doctor says we bathe too
freely"
"I'm afraid dat hits me, Limpy.
never paid a cent for bath in all my
life."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10

'He said he would kill himself If
wouldn't marry him."
"Well?"
''He didn't do it; the mean thing"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
WhY NOt2

Judge-YOu say the defendant turned
and whistled to the dog. What follow
ed?
Intelligent witness.-The dog.-Stray
Stories.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Just Begun.

Mr.. Figgit-Are you almost through
writing that letter?
Mrs. Figgit-Dear me. no! Why
have only got to the postscript.-Ohio
State Journal
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Equity.

The uncle ,(who has just bought a
picture)-Now, Billy, how about this
pastel-will it last?
"Well, Uncle Tom, it will last longer
than the check you gave me for it!''-
,ifa
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10
Good Taste.
Eyes, but it's good taste, mamma"

''It is bad form to dip your bread in
the gravy"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-01-10

Some smiles look as though they had
been soaked in vinegar.
Arizona republican., 1902-02-10
TO HELP WICKENBUFG
Reading Room Scheme Originated by
 the News-Herald.

The Wicgenburg News-Herald has made public announcement of its desire to be instrumental in filling long felt want in that town in something of the Andrew Carnegie order. though on a slightly smaller scale. In it's issue of Saturday it reviews the need of that camp for a nice quiet place where gen tlemen or ladies may meet and swap mines for bank accounts. read the daily papers, write letters to their friends, and, in short. transact any business where degree of comfort and privacy Is desired. and yet amid whole some surroundings. At the present time, the News says, there is no place for the transaction of business by non-resi- dents except public hotel office or q saloon. The proposition of the News Herald follows:
 If the merchants and mining men of Wickenburg will raise a bonus of $500 to aid in the construction of building. we will furnish a site centrally located. and will put up a substantial building such as is needed. In addition to the same we will personally subscribe, and keep on file for the benefit of the public, to all the leading mining papers of the United States. the leading New York, San Francisco. Denver. Phoenix, Pres colt. Tucson aid other territorial papers and the leading popular monthly magazines. We will also keep the read ing room and private room well sup piled with stock Of the best stationery obtaina ble. pens, ink and other articles accessory or convenient around such T place. Our idea is to make it a place where the mining men may do business and where the people living in Wicken- burg can go and read something besides the News Herald and The Arizona Re publican. which. while both are good papers in our estimation. do not en- tirely fill the w~nt of healthy mind for healthy reading.
 If the idea is carried out it will not be a place fer men only We will see that it is conducted so that any lady in Wickenburg can not only go there with pleasure and safety. but will be glad to return again. To maintain this reading or club room and keep it well supplied with magaZi .eS, periodicals and sta- tionery will cost us about 5000 d year. a S much as we ask all the people of this section to Co tribute. and we will not be benefited any more than any. and not as much many. of the merchants and resident but we know that we will be benefit d twice that amount in- side of the next eighteen months by the increased business which will come here if the mining men and investors are made co:nforta ble while in Wicken- burg By having letterheads with at tractive advertisements printed on them every letter sent out would advertise this section more than can be estimat- ed and would aid materially in getting mining men to come here and examine prospects and partially developed mines in this vicinity. and once here. the mineral showings speak for them selves.
 Now. this offer is entirely voluntary
Arizona republican., 1902-02-10
SECRETARY GAGE.

Secretary Gage is no politician. but a plain man of business, sound on the money question and good admins trator. He is not a brilliant man, but his solid, substantial qualities have been of vastly more service to the na- ton than brilliancy would have been. He was the right man in the right place at the right time- It will be re- membered of him in the financial his tory of the nation that during his ad- ministration of the national treasury our monetary system was placed safe ly on the sure foundati tion supplied by gold. Because of this one dollar is as good as another, and all are as good the best. There remain weighty if nancial problems to be dealt with. but their solution is rendered easier by what has been done during MT. Cages term of office, with his advice.-Pitts- burg Gazette.
Arizona republican., 1902-02-10

and any contributions towards carry ing out the idea must be the same. It is for your benefit. and we do not in tend to spend one minute in solociting aid to mature the project. After con- sidering the matter carefully, and if you think you will be benefited. We will be pleased to have you come in or send in a statement of what you will con- tribute. and. starting with our next issue eff the people here are alive ant wish to see Wickenburg advance as it should). we will print list of those offering engagement and the amount offered. Ii the necessary amount Is pledged we will go ahead and put up the building. asking no money in ad- vance nor until the building is com- pleted. We make no restrictions as to the residence of those contributing. and persons living elsewhere who are inter- ested in seeing this district advance are invited to get into the harness and help. Persons wishing to pay in ad- vance are welcome to do so and will be given a proper receipt, the money to be returned if the project is not carried out. Think about it. but don't think about it too long. The question is up to you"
Arizona republican., 1902-02-10
COMBINE AGAINST THE MERGER.

Assuming that the governors com bine is in real earnest and not a grand stand play for political effect. the plan of action would appear to be con- fronted by two difficulties: Lack of complete cooperation on the part of the states that are effected, and the absence of proof. up to the present time, that Governor Van Sant's ale sations are true.
 The states directly affected by a consolidation of these three railway systems are: Iowa, Min nesota, Montana, North and South Dakota, Nebraska, Idaho. Oregon and Washington. Governors of only four states were present at the. conference al Helena. The governors of Iowa and Oregon have not shown any in terest in the movement: fn fact. they have declined to take part in the con- ference. Several of the states have no law prohibiting the consolidation of parallel lines.
 Before the states which have the necessary legislation can proceed against the combine they will have to prove that such combine as the law contempla tes is about to be formed. The burden of proof is surely upon them. They will have to show that the Northern Securities company was organized to bring about a consolida- tion of parallel lines: that it's purpose is to destroy competition and remove all rivalry.-Chicago Record Herald.