The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-09-13
a LOST opPoRrUNrrY.

Tho Christian Science people are the
subjects. Of occasional Jokes as well ~
other people. Nothing In America is
sacred. and the following is told Of one
Of these Sciences ladies by The Times.
OF Troy. N. Y. The lady had full faith
In the virtue ana efficacy of what they
call absent treatment" and this Is the
result of one of her experiments:
A washerwoman n her employ was suf-
fcring from a severe toothache. and the
benevolent lady determined to try the
virtues OF absent treatment" The next
timo she met the warsherwoman the
latter was evidently In serene condition
physically, much to the qualification OF
the Christian Scientist, who proceeded
to CO lgratulatc he on her improved
health and her relief from the aching
tooth: Yes" was the rejoinder. Il had
1t pulled out.
Now, we can imagine the chagrin OF
this good woman at finding one of her
best cases thus snatched from her hands,
as 1t were, and we can all join In regret
ting that the washerwoman was so i'm
patient, and that she resorted to such
a practical and plebian method Of deal
ing with an aching grinder. 1t was such
a splendid opportunity for the absent
treatment to get in ITS work. II there
is any one ailment to which humanity
Is heir about which there is no hum
bug, we unhesitatingly give the prize to
toothache. A great many diseases OF
which people complain are largely imag-
inary-some of them entirely so. Peo-
pie imagine themselves sick when they
are not, and many people are inclined
to think themselves worse of than they
really are.
But this won't 50 in the case of tooth
ache. There Is no humbug about 1t.
Imagination don't cut any ice with it.
Nobody ever has 1t without knowing It,
ana nobody has 1t without letting every
body in the neighborhood know 1t. Shake
speare says:
For there was never yet philosopher
That could endure the toothache pa
tiently,
and he had evidently done more than
one midnight stunt with a jumping mo-
lar. And he needn't have limited himself
to philosophers, either. We've seen men
who prided themselves on their piety and
general good behavior rather get away
from the strict path when the toothache
was getting in its work. The good inten-
tions of the best of them get wabbly
on such occasions.
But we've wobbled OFF the line, slight
ly. What we started in to do was to
express regret that this impatient wash
erwoman didn't bear her affiction few
days longer and wait for the absent
treatment OF the scientist instead of
calling in the present treatment Of the
dentist. There's no sentiment in a pair
of forceps, or in the man who uses them.
generally. His main object Is to yanlr
out a tooth and yank in a fee. and when
he gets firm hold on the offending
tooth something happens. 1t may be the
tooth or it may be one joint OF the spinal
column that comes out, but something
comes If the dentist Is a humorist, he
will play with your feelings and appre-
tensions as a cat does with mouse.
Once. after suffering for week with a
tooth which occupied back seat in the
parquette. and after swallowing a lib
eral nerve tonic, with sugar and things
in 1t, we hobbled into the chamber of
head u funeral-and not caring much
which it was.
The dentist was an old friend, as well
as a skillful toothist We knew he was
a friend by the way he proceeded. for
he was in no hurry to commit murder
a chair and proceeded to discourse on
the pain and danger of tooth pulling
He wove in n number of enlivening remi-
niscenceS about collapses and broken jaw
bones. and other pleasant features con-
nected with dentistry. and after he had
finished nothing was needed but TO have
the services for the dead read over the
remains. We didn't care for flowers,
even, but only wanted to be buried at
once. When he thought we were In q
tit condition to sing the hymn-"O. Death,
where is thy sting?" he took out the
tooth, and 1t wasn't much above the
usual size, after all. While it was in
its place. 1t felt as though it was as big
as cook stove and with as many arms
and legs as a centipede, and we could
confined in such small object. But
we shall always remember that dentist
and his work.
But we will keep getting off the sub
ject, which was absent treatment. II
this woman Scientist can relieve tooth
ache. she has struck the best thing on
the boards. and IL she is SO disposed. she
can get enough work of this kind to
keep her faculties from getting rusty.
While there are teeth there will be
and If that ailment can be
cured without pain or a surgical opera
ton. we should like to know it in case
another tooth gets obstreperous. We
really feel that we, in common with all
other tooth-bearing animals, have a per-
sonal grievance against that washerwo-
man. If she had gone on and washed
clothes and sung psalms instead of Wis
Atah6 :" NShIiSts NhSAO hh6hS haNS OcSH
another triumph OF science and a way
opened for the obviation of much misery.
The woman deserves the water cure.
The Indianapolis Sentinel feels thankful
that the lynching of negro in that city
was averted. but it was by very mar
row margin. Even that is better than
the Iynching, so The Sentinel seems to