The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1902-11-18
A r Mt

I'M TO dress. Stepping into the train,
he slipped a shilling into the hand of
the. guard and said, keep me this
apartment, please, as I want to DRESS"
"All right, sir" answered the guard,
and the next moment the train started.
Having removed his boots and his
trousers, suddenly he felt the train
slowing down. Huddling on his coat,
he buttoned it up, while he covered his
lower man with a railway rug. This
done, he collected as many of his be-
lOngings as he could into his bag,
kicked his boots under a seat and tried
to look dignitied. The rain had come
to a standstill now, and a guard opened
the door of the carriage in which our
hero was sitting and cried, ""There's
room here, sir, for you and this lady"
A lady who looked in very delicate
health got into the carriage, and a gen.
tleman with her. Mr.. Barnaby Chuck
er felt ready to swoon. Before he
could inform the guard of his readi-
ness to pay for a whole compartment
sooner than have his privacy intruded
upon the train was off again, and Mr..
Chucker fell to rejecting how he
should effect his change of carriages at
Slough nov that he was in no fit state
to step on to a platform.
Alas, a more urgent difficulty than
that involved in a change of carriages
soon presented itself to him. for no
0 n had the train started than the
lady who had just stepped in began to
moan and to shiver, saying that she
felt cold all over. Her husband sought
to quiet her. but it was all of no use,
for she was really ill. At last the poor
man looked in despair at Mr.. Chucker
and said:
Excuse me for taking a great lib
erty, sir, but would you be so kind as
to lend my wife your rug? We started
in a hurry and forgot to bring one. AS
it is not a cold day, perhaps you would
where l shall be able to buy a rug"
"Eh?" grunted Mr.. Chucker, stupe-
fed. The request completely staggered
him, and he could find no words in
which to reply.
"Would you kindly lend this lady
your rug" repeated the gentleman,
rather astOnished.
"Ho" grOwled Mr.. Chucker in a
voice like n bears. 1t had just occurred
to him that the safest way out of his
difficulties would be to sham being mad.
"Hoo!" two or three times over, and
his stratagem succeeded perfectly, for
both his fellow passengers became con-
WINGED that they were travelling with a
lunatic.
The lady began to scream. Her
nerves We're so unstrung that they
could not stand this extra shock. And
that foolish Mr.. Chucker made things
worse by the fxity with which he
stared at her. The gentleman armed
himself with an umbrella to protect his
wife. Mr.. Chucker entered into the
spirit of his part. caught up his own
umbrella II brandished it. The travel
ers were in their attitude Of vigilance
and menace when the train once more
slackened speed and Hanwell was
reached.
Instantly the gentleman jumped out
on the side of the line. so as not to
pass Mr.. Chucker, and helped out his
wife, whose screams had given place
to a fit of shivering. Mr.. Chucker was
rudely aroused by the door being sud
denly opened and Il gruff voice ex-
claiming:
"Now. sir, what's the matter with
your
"Well, man, since you put me to it,
I've no trousers on" confessed Mr..
Chucker, lowering his voice, where
upon the station master echoed in
.amazement, mo trousers!" and the
crowd behind caught up the words,
"No trousers!r'
"He's throwed 'em out of the Win
dow" Suggested the porter. m
"Perhaps he had none on when he 4
got into the train,' opined the station
master.
"Of course l had. man. I've two
pairs with me now. Let me alone, that
I may put one on" faltered Mr..
Chucker, intimidated and Disguised by
the sight of SO many people staring at
him.
But while he was speaking some low
churl, Selling a corner of his rug, gave
it a twitch and abruptly exposed Mr..
Chucker's dishabille to view. There
a shout Of mingled laughter and
dismay among the passengers, some Of
whom, being ladies. deemed it eXpedi-
ent to squeal.
"Out you Gomez -roared the blushing
station master in a paroxysm of indig-
nation, and he clutched Mr.. Chucker
by the wrist.
"Well but-but-let me d-dress first"
pleaded the victim as he felt not only
his arms, but his legs, in the grasp Of
different hands. He made a short
struggle, but did not improve his posi-
ton, for his resistance was ascribed
to a maniacal outbreak n embolden-
ed his aggressors to drag him out of
the carria on feet foremost He tum.