davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1902-05-15
NAME PLACED ON STONE.

entrace. With sledge hammer and
cold chisels cut a smooth face upon the
front, and either cut out the name of
the farm or paint it on the smooth
face with black paint. A granite
bowlder will work best.-Orange Judd
Farmer.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1902-05-15
Chronic Constipation Cured.

The most important discovery of
recent years is the positive remedy
for constipation. Cascarets Candy
Cathartic. Cure guaranteed. Genu-
inc tablets stamped c. C. C. Never
sold in bulk. Druggists, 1oc.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1902-05-15

There is a tribe in Central ARR
among whom speakers in public de.
bates are required to stand on one leg
while Grating. and to speak only as
long as they can stand.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1902-05-15

.,odehully successful in promptly curing
"a back, kidney. bladder. uric acid trou-
Z. and Bright's Disease. which Is the worst
=, Kilmer's Swamp.Root is not rec
amended for everything but II you have kid
y liver or bladder troublek Il will be found
y ,he remedy you need. lthas been tested
! q many ways, in hospital work, In private
.stice, among the helpless too poor to pw-
so,s relief and has proved so successful in
rrv case that a special arrangement has
..n made by which all readers Of this paper
n have not already tried Il, may have q
rnpe bottle sent free by mail. also book
Srng more about Swamp-R Root and how 10
Jou, you have kidney or bladder trouble.
men writing mention reading this generous
Ia in this Isass. paper and I'd e.
Emtsn, N. Y. The aslsl4ss g g
rlar fifty cent and Home of svsmp-Roo
iar sizes are sold by all good druggist& /,
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1902-05-15

cures made by Dr.
Kilmes's Swamp Root.
the great kidney. liver
and bladder remedy.
II Is the great med
altriumph Of the nine
teenth century; dis
covered after years Of
scientific research BY
Dr. kilmer. the emil
ncnt kidney and blad-
der spccialist. and is
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1902-05-15
10 YOU GET Up : : "
WITHALAM BACK7


Almost everybody who reads the news
~. i. awe 10 know Of the wonderful
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
THESE ARE PLAIN WORDS.

Marshfield, Mo-, Jan. 20th.-Mr. j., F.
King of this place makes the following
statement:
II have suffered untold agony for
twenty years with Lame Back and
Acute Kidney Disease, and in that
time have never been two days to-
gether clear of misery, and for some
of the time I could not walk step or
even sit up.
Last spring, after trying many doc
tors and every remedy that could be
thought of, began a treatment of
Dodd's Kidney Pills. The good results
were almost immediate and for the last
seven months have seen more comfort
and pleasure than have for twenty
years before. ....-
"Any one with Kidney Disease or
Lame Back that will not try Dodd's
Kidney Pills deserves to suffer-
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
BUNKER.

the new arrival. The next morning
Teddy sat at his desk biting the end
of pencil and stroking his upper lip
where there was just the faintest
substance of things hoped for, the
evidence of things not seen." Teddy
had been casting languishing glanccs
in the direction of the typewriting
charmer in the lawyers Office. He
knew she had seen him, but as far
A. any evidence that she cared to
pay any attention to, him was con-
cerned the girl might have been a
stone wall. Teddy was nettled.
Things had been easy for him at
other times, and his bump of conceit
now had a dent in it. Joy! All at
once the charmer looked up and
smiled, showing set OF even white
teeth in framework of scarlet.
Teddy smiled back and nodded al
most imperceptibly. There was a
very decided bow in return, and
Teddy went soaring. Instantly, how
ever, the young woman turned again
TO her machine and her white fin.
gers went flying nimbly over the
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20

keys Though she might be BIZ
given to flirting, the young woman
apparently did not mean that the
little weakness should divert her
mind too long from her work. II,
Teddy half wheeled his chair
around, the pleasurable little excite
ment still glowing within him. There
at the next window stood old Bunk
er, the bookkeeper, ytth = face AZ
red as . peonys anf hiding 1lrst ~
one foot and tAei( On the otfer.. Ss'
Great Scott" said Teddy to him
sell, thespfd man had his eyes on
the cRafmer and thought she meant
that smile for him. He looks as
though he were going to faint. That
smile for him! Why, the poor old
geezer. He's Anticipated. I'll put
the boys next"
So Teddy told the boys of how the
girl had smiled on him and how the
old man thought the smile was in
tended for him, and had blushed like
q girl and fddled with his fingers.
"We'll have come fun with the old
guy, fellows. I'm going to get an
to the girl over the
way, and I'll tell her all about
Bunker, and how if woman speaks
to him he has fit, and she can just
lead him on bit, and we'll have all
sorts of fun here with the doings."
The next day there was another
sweet smile from the typewriter, and
Teddy responded in kind. Curiously
enough, old Bunker was at the 9th.
err window again, and when that
smile came across the areaway he
blushed like fire and cast furtivc
glance at Teddy. Teddy saw it.
''We've got him going," he said to
1.-The old fellows hit sure.
I hope he don't die of apoplexy be-
fore he makes out the pay roll. He
looks as though he were going to
choke"
Three days afterward Teddy ap.
peared at the Office beaming. II met
the charmer last night" he said to the
boys, cover at Browns dancing school.
Her name is Mary Halbert. I was in
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
THE AFFAIR Of
BUNKER THE
BOOKKEEPER

THE boys in the brokers' office
always had made a butt OF
Bunker. Bunker was the bookkeep-
er. taciturn and rather solemn-look-
ing at all times. The boys called
him 'the old man." Bunker was 40
and "the boys were p or there
abouts. All sorts of jokes were
played on old Bunker, but he never
showed the slightest sign of resent
nent. If any of the shafts of weak
witticisms which were hurled at him
day in and day out pricked there
was no wincing. The cubs finally
came to the conclusion that Bunker
was dense physically and mentally.
How this may have been nobody per-
haps but Bunker knew definitely, but
he was a good bookkeeper, and that
was as far as the real old man of the
Office cared to inquire.
Teddy" Long, the Office masher,
who wore patent feathers from
Christmas to Christmas, and knew
all the latest things in fancy vests
and flowing ties, used to say that il
q woman should speak to Bunker the
old man would fall dead. When it
happened on rare occasions that a
woman would drop into the Office
to make an inquiry about something
Bunker would send one of the boys
70 answer her questions. Once or
t.wice the cubs succeeded in getting
Bunker himself to wait upon the fe-
male visitor, and then they lay back,
metaphorically speaking, and enjoyed
themselves hearing the old man slut
ter and stammer and in seeing him
blush rosy red while trying to an
swer the fair visitors queries. They
came to the conclusion in the Office
that Bunker was not woman hater
simply because it wasn't in his dis
position to hate anything or any,
body. They put it down that with
him it was plain case of just wom-
an scared.
The Office was on the twelfth floor,
and its windows looked out over the
roof of low building just beyond.
Teddy Long had q desk at one win
dow. Teddy frequently was more
occupied with the Office behind the
windows in the twelfth story of the
building beyond than he was with
the business in his own office. It
was law firm that held the prem
Uses opposite, and the lawyers were
known to the boys in the brokers'
Office for the frequency with which
they changed their typewriting staff.
About once month a new face, and
always pretty one, would appear
in front of the machine back of the
legal windows. One morning Teddy
Long cast his eyes across the way,
and there he saw a new face behind
the big window pane. AS he told the
other boys few minutes after, this
new face had all the others that had
gone before "bcat to DEATH"
'She's daisy, fellows" said Teddy.
"When you get a chance 60 to the
window and shy look over there.
She's got black hair, swapping eyes,
red cheeks and daisy figure"
Distant inspection by the other
young members of the brokers' staff
fully confirmed Teddy's opinion of
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20

troduced by her cousin. Say, she's all
right. When / told her that old Bunker
thought that smile was for him she
laughed and laughed. said couldn't
conceive how anybody could be such a
fool as to try to grab off smile that
wasn't intended for him. She fell in
with our game, and at nine O'Clock
every morning she's going to bow and
smile, this time really at old Bunker.
It'll set him nutty.".
Teddy went to the window at five
minutes of nine. A minute or two later
the old man shuf1led off his stool and
sided up to the twin window. The rest
of the boys pretended to be hard at
work, but their eyes were all twisted
at an angle. Nine O'clock and the room
was absolutely radiant with the smile
that came through the window. Bunker
sidestepped, wiggled his hands, bowed,
smiled and then put on face like
furnace fire. Teddy was in raptures.
"Ain't it great?" he said afterward to
the boys. Gee, the old mans an easy
mark!"
So it went on for weeks. Teddy met
the charmer occasionally and sent her
into ecstasies of laughter over the ac-
counts of the fun they were having with
old Bunker. >.
"Why, when you smile,' he said to
her, "the old man goes up into the
nineteenth heaven. I'm glad you smiled,
over at ME that morning, for Office
work now is as good asa show"
One morning Bunker showed up with
red carnation in his buttonho.e.
When Teddy looked through the win
dow he saw that there was bunch of
the same kind of flowers pinned to the
waist of the neighbor over the way.
After Bunker had received his morning
smile Teddy spread the news of the
flowers. "The old mans got 'em bad"
he said. eth be awful tough on him
when the girl gives him the throw
down. I saw her last night, and told
her to let the old fellow down easy
when it came to pinch, and she told
me she'd be easy with him all right
enough. Gee, but there's no fool like
an old fool! She told me she's going
to take her vacation beginning to-mor-
row, and as Bunker's going, too, our
fun's all up for week. Well rig up
something else, though, when the old
duffer gets back"
Bunker went on his vaca ton, and the
smiling face was also missing from the
window in the lawyers Office. The
Wednesday morning following Bunk.
er's departure every man in the office
found square envelope on his desk.
which when opened contained an an
nouncement reading like this: "Mr.
and Mrs. Joel Halbert announce the
marriage of their daughter Mary to
Mr.. Henry Bunker, Monday, October Z,
at St. Chrysostom's church"
One envelope contained q second in
closure. 1t was that which was ad.
dressed to Teddy Long. Teddy read
the marriage announcement with star
ing eyes, and then picking up the in
closure read this neatly typewriter
communication:
''Mr. Bunker and have known each
other for five years. We were engaged
for five months before went to work
in the lawyers Office. can't conceive
how anybody could be such fool as to
try to grab off smile that wasn't in
tended for him.-Mary Halbert Bunk
er.''-Edward B. Clark, in Chicago Rec
ord-Herald.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
THE TAG ENDS OF THINGS.
Canada has only l2 medical colleges

Canada has only IL medical colleges.
The agricultural department now
requires larger appropriation for it's
administra tion than any other depart
ment except the treasury.
Russian census returns reveal the
presence of $40 1000 idolators in a pop
ulation of 125, 66s, 900, among which for
every 121 men there are 100 women.
Porto Rico, borrowing an idea from
Connecticut, has begun to raise to-
bacco under cheesecloth tents, which
keep off insects and temper the wind,
rain and sun.
The territory devoted to rice in
Louisiana for the present year will
aggregate 225,000 acres, with crop
of 100000 sacks of rough rice, or
10000, 900 pounds of the cleaned grain.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
Little Room for improvement.

First Westerner-I went to see a
football game when was east.
Second Westerner - Pretty good
sport, isn't it?
First Westerner-Very good. I'm
less they used guns, I don't see how
they could have livelier scrap.-
Brooklyn Life.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
Keen Observation.

do you know anything about the
people who have moved next door,"
she inquired.
"Not much" he answered; "except
that their honeymoon is not yet over"
slow did you find that out?"
by observing. 1t was raining when
he came home this evening, but she did
not make him stop at the front door
to wipe his feet."-Washington Star.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
After Meeting.

Bishop" said the young preacher.
II know you were hitting at me when
you denounced fine apparel and
jewelry, for wear, a velvet vest and
watch and chain.'
mo, BROTHER" replied the bishop,
with twinkle in his eye, ''for I half
suspect your vest is cotton velvet,
and as for the watch, I never gave
you credit for more than q Water
bury!"-Atlanta Constitution.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
A Give.Aw0V.

Mrs. Youngthing-Fleurette, that
barber friend of yours smiled at me
on the street last evening. Tell him
1 will tell my husband if he does so
again.
Fleurette (thoughtlessly)-Oh, mad
am! he could have meant missing! He
must have recognized madam's auto
mobile coat and thought it was me-
Brooklyn Eagle.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
The Eternal Feminine.

Mrs. Hewman-I never saw such
busybody. Just becaues the doctor
stopped at our house yesterday she
Immediately wanted to know what was
the matter.
Mrs. Naycher-Yes; I wonder how
she'd like her neighbors to be that
curious about her? You know the doc
tor stopped at her house to-day, too.
Mrs. Hewman-You don't say!? I
wonder what's the matter there?-
Catholic Standard and Times.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
A Usual.

"Great grief, man! What's hap
pened to you? Have you been kicked
in the face by mule?"
'~"No. Our cooks husband, from
whom she got a divorce several
months ago, has been coming around
bothering her, and last night she got
after him with couple of flatirons."
But what has that to do with your
case?'
II was an innocent bystander."-
Chicago Record-Herald.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
The Grunlbler.

The grumbler growls at Natures plan
He's sorry that he, s human.
He doesn't want to be man.
Nor yet to be woman.
He'd hate to be beast or such
AS share the fish's lot:
In fact, 'twould not annoy him much
If he were not.
He takes you by the buttonhole
And grumbles in your ear.
He tells you that his very soul
Is shriveled up and sere.
He wishes he were dead and gone,
But whew! you'd make him hot
TO hint the world would still jog on
II he were not.
Catholic STANDARD.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
A Good Barxain.

"But Why" asked the president of
the country where women ruled, did
you buy that battleship?"
1T was such bargain" replied the
secretary of the navy. "Of course the
engines don't work very we'll, and
there are some flaws in the guns, but
it looks is fine as any of the others
and only cost half as much. "-Chicago
Post
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
His Reaso. Wa. Good.

The Dear Grill am really aston
ished to hear you advance the propo-
sition that child should not be cor
rected in the presence of strangers.
The Savage Bachelor-He should not
be, because he should never be in the
presence, of strangers; that's why
Tit-Bits.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20

The Baldheaded Man-so your son,
Johnny. wants to be barber?
The Barber (regretfully)-Yes; but
he has an impeachment in his speech
Brooklyn Eagle
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
Profound Emotion.

"Oh, but her singing was moving!"
"Not dry eye in the house, sup
pose"
DRY eye! Why, venture to say
there wasn't a woman in all that vast
concourse who went away with the
remotest idea of what the artist wore
or how she fixed her haiSl"-T0WD
Topics.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
A Senashle Girl.

Mr.. Clubman-I see by the papers
that poor young man, who lost both
his legs while saving the life of a
beautiful heiress at railway cross
ing, is to marry the girl. She dis
missed all suitors, and offered herself
to him.
Mrs. C. (meaningly)-very sensible
girl. She'll know where her HUSBAND is
nights, anyway.-N. Y. Weekly.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
Misunderstood.

Mistress (severely)-Mary, I saw the
milkman kiss you! Ishall take in the
milk myself tomorrow.
Mary-Lor! mum, It wouldn't be no
use If you did-'cos Bill wouldn't kiss
you. He never kisses anyone but me.
Ally Sloper.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
Unayoidnhle ACTION,

doctor, I'm bothered with queer pain.
When bend forward, stretch out my arms,
and make seni-circuar movement with
them, sharp sting comes in my left shout
der"
But" asked the physician, wondering!y,
"why make such mot.ons?"
"Well, if you know any other. way for a
man to get on his overcoat I wish you'd let
me w."-Philadelphia Times.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
1t Turned HE Head.

Jack Winston-I hear you have dis.
charged your man, Cholly.
Cholly Chumpleigh-Yes. Had to-,
don'cher know. Somebody mistook
the beggaw faw me, y'know, and it
made him-aw-pwesume and take
liberties. Good enough man in othaw
wespects. ..
Jack Winston-Too bad. But who
was it that mistook him for you?
Cholly Chumpleigh-My fance.-
Harlem Life.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
A Touch Of Humor.

always" said the astute news
editor to the new reporter, Railways
be on the lookout for any little touch
of humor that brightens up our col
umns."
That evening the new reporter
handed in an account of burglary
in butchers shop which COM
menced: 'Mr. Jeremiah Cleaver, the
well-known butcher, is losing flesh
rapidly of late."-Tit-Bits.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
rhe RiAle Revised.

Ihenewrevisiono of the Biblerecently COM
pleted brings it up 70 date without chang:
ing it's meaning. There are thousands OF
I'D original copy without any notifications.
There are also thousands of people, who,
having once used Hostetter's Stomach Bit
ters, will never use any other medicine, be-
cause they know its value in cases of sick
headache, nervousness, Indigestion, dys-
pepsia or liver and kidney troubles. Be sure
To try it.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
GODS THOUGHTS.

Y 0o1 No ! thought for the maple.
You mayFead that thought in the tree.
Would you know His thought for the gran
itef
Look at the granite and see!
His thought for the springing grass
Il told by the cool. green sod:
The rose unfolding its petals
Discloses the mind Of God. II fss
His thought for the butterfly S life
Is writ on the insects wings;
The word He spake to the skylark III
You hear when it scars and sings. @
We think we are more than the bird.
More than the tree and the sod
Yet say are we living our lives
AS true to the thought of God?
ID. Mcintyre Henderson, in N. 7. 1nde-
pendent.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20

Awakened the .'slcepless" Pastor.
There is point to this story: A burglar
whose night entry into the parsonage awak
ened the sleeping pastor, said to his help
less victim: IF you stir you're dead man!
I'm hunting. for money!" Gust let me get
up and strike. a light pleasantly replied
the dominic, "and l shall be glad to assist
you in the search" Boston Waterman.
So Stupid.
"Who was that you just spoke to-" asked
the first Chicago woman; his face was
rather familiar to me"
II believe" said the other, "his name is
Jenks-Henry jerks"
ooh! to be sure. How stupid of me! He
was my first husband" -Philadelphi Rec
ord.
A Bore.
Mrs. Latto--How did Mrs. Bilkins ever
get the reputation for being such bore?
Mrs. Barkey-She tried the experiment of
making it point never to say anything but
good Of anyone behind their back.-Brook-
lyn Eagle.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
The Bliss Of II.

While I slave In the strife
To make gold for the Mrs.
The pet dog of my wife
Lives on cream puffs and Krs.
To lead a dogs life,
Faith. the acme Of blrA
philadelphia Press.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
N0ncOnlmittay,

do you think the world is grow.
ing worse or better?'
II shouldn't venture an opinion"
said the man who makes no preten.
sions to being a philosopher. zones
impressions on that point are likely
to depend largely on the kind of SO.
ciety he happens to get into
Washington Star.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20

Hewitt-What homely girl she is!
Jewett-Well, should say so; even
her pictures in the newspapers fatter
her.-ToWA TopieA
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
Not DangerOus.

Tess-It seems she was taken with Mr..
Cadleigh's intelligence.
Jess-Well, if that's all she's taken with
II isn't Z very severe attack.-Philadelphi
Press,
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20

The minutes saved by hurry arc as useles.
O. the pennies saved by parsimony.--C. b,
Newcomb
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
To Balk the Wolf.

He painted picture with which. he said.
He'd keep the wolf from the door,
And wag said he thought the wolf would
stop
If he ever saw 1t, sure.
bradford Review.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20

Kind Lady-Why don't you go to
work?
Tramp-Tm trying to get position
now, lady.
Kind Lady-What doing?
Tramp-Lineman fer wireless tele.
graph company.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20

It's when man is completely down that
he is really up against it.-1ndianapolis
News,
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20

do you mean to say that have No
right to open my wife's letters?"
"Of course you have the right.
What you want is the nerve."-Moon.
shine.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
Quite Brief.

A giant asked a pygmy
The loan of ten. in pelf.
"Can't do It," said the little one,
because I'm short myself"
Bradford Review.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20

A smile is the reflection OF light heart
Chicago Daily News.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
Queen & Crescent Route

Through trains, diners, observation cars,
palace day coaches, fast schedules, through
sleepers from the North to New Orleans
and Florida.
Manager-T am getting up show that
will make a tremendous hit" Friend
pose!" ManaTerE"No; real actcrs -"
Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
It's wise man who can be silent on any
subject.-Ram's Horn.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1902-02-20
@ allied.

care you married or unmarried" asked
the theatrical manager of an applicant for
engagement.
"Unmarried," replied she. give been
unmarried four times. detroit Free
Press