The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-19

Y NS p otht idve
:, L. aoyAt e.Eisa POWDER CO., NEW YORK.
IN A HUMOROUS VEIN.
Hes a grandfather and vet he's
gong to marry that young Miss Kittle
, Skittish."
eyes. He's old enough not TO know
any better"
The Teacher-When the logs gel
caught in the fast. moving stream. what
would you call that2
), The Boy-Why, I'd call that a cur
rent Jam.-Yokers Statesman.
Mrs. Neighbors-Do you and your
husband live happily together?
Mrs. Enpeck-Sure. rd just like to
see my husband try not 10 live happily
with me.-Chicago News.
Mamma: "Teacher tells me Won
were very naughty in school yesterday.
why did you not tell me yourselt?"
Tommy: Why -er-you always
told me not to tell tales out of SCHOOL,
You say you are not sure il was
suicide?" asked the newspaper man.
No, stranger" responded Amber
Pete; 'he was playing solitaire, caught
himself cheating, and, of course he
had TO shoot.-Ch,cago News.
e" what is the difference between q
statesman and q politician?"
| "A statesman is q man who can
Damooozle the public without being
found out; a politician is a man who
doesn't care whether 1t. is found out
or not so long as he gains his ends"
of L had an engagement with you,"
said the clerk, "it would be this"
AND he gently placed a date with a
peach.
No." answered the pretty cashier,
=" 1T would be like this"
And she laid the date beside the
canned Holsters.
Teacher" What zone is tti in
which we livc2" Johnny M
perate.' Teacher" Correct. M
what is meant by Incorporate zone.
Johhny--" It's a place where It's
freezin' cold in winter au' red-hoL "a
summer. "-Philadelphia Press.
81 suppose" SAID the physician
smiling and trying to appear witty,
while feeling the pulse of a lady patient,
~ suppose you consider me an cd
humbug?"
Why, doctor,o replied the lady, 81
had no idea you could ascertain a wo-
mans thoughts by merely feeling her
pulse"
F" How's Mandy gittin' along at that
fashionable boardin' SCHOOL,"
"She's learnin' things hand over
list. She can write a four-page letter
now SOS you have to turn 1t upside
down and sldeway six or eight times
fore you git to The enG of it.n-
Chicago Record Herald.
eyes," said the Fairy Prince, :. O
may have whatever you want for q
Christmas present"
CT will choose" said the Fortunate
Person, +" either a wife or an automo-
blle."
GLOW foolishE' exclaimed the Fairy
Prince. "Why do you not select some
thing that you a manager"
"There is another application for
you tn give something to a very worthy
enterprise" said the Congressman's
wife.
swell, it's II hard mater 10 dccide,n
he answered. If | don't give, NV
constituents will consider me ungra-
cious. And If L do, they will think L
am Illustrating here in Washington,
With nothing to do but waste money.n
AS to my merit" said the Young
man who was asking the lady's father
for her hand, "you will have to take
me at my face value"
WE'LL" answered the fond father,
you'l have to drop in later In the day.
The market quotations on brass are
not out yet."-Baltimore American.
Some years ago at a Mardi Gras ball
at the Hopkins Institute of Art, a man
masked, approached a woman masked
and asked her for q dance, as is con-
sidered right and proper at Mardi Gras
put don know you, sir" said the
lady in her most ICY tone. "W,l,
I'm taking as big a risk as you are"
retorted the man.-San Francisco Ar
gonaut.
Jacob A. Riis tells of an Irish team
ster who went to the priest in a fright;
he had seen a ghost on the church wall
as he passed it in the night. "And
what was 1t like?" asked the priest.
" 1t was like nothing so much as a big
ASST said Patrick wild eyed. eco
home, Pat, and be easy replied the
priest, soothingly; "you've onlv seer
your own shadow"
"During my Absence" says a pl,yisl-
clan quoted by The Rochester + at
Express, my two boys got int my
consulting room, where they began
to play at being 'doctors.' Presently
} one of them unlocked the door and dis.
closed a skeleton. pooh. What are
you 'fraid OFF he asked. sIcs moth
ing but an old skellington.' sW-wh-
where did it come from?' asked tha
other with chattering teeth. ooh. /
: don't know, Papa's had it q long liz J,