The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-11-29
MARK TWhA'S LECTURE
ON THE ISLANDS OF
HAWAII
Continued from Page ~


or poi. or raw fish, or raw salt pork, OF
fricasseed cats-all the luxuries of tht
season. (Laughter.) Everything tina
human heart can desire they will SCI
before you. Perhaps now, this isn't {
captivating feast at first glance, but IL
is offered in all sincerity, and with the
best motives in the world. and that
makes any feast respectable, whether
it is palatable or not.
Everyone of these Kanakas has at
least dozen mothers--not his own
mothers, of course, but adopted ones.
They adhere to the ancient custom Of
/ calling any woman mother, wltnout
regard to her color or politics (Laugn-
teri, that they happen to take par
| ticular liking too. 1t is possible LOT
each of them to have one hundred ana
fifty mothers-and even that NUMBER
! will allow of a liberal stretch.
They are an odd sort OF people.
They can die whenever they want 70.
n,aughter1 They don't dyin&
any more than a jilted3 K..euc Gilman
does. When they takSst n,tion to DIE.
and it doesn't make any sdiTereiice
whether there is anything the mater e.
with themr<or not, and they GaR.
persuaded out of it. When one of them
makes up his mind to die, he just lies
down and is as certain to die as though
he had all the doctors in the world
hold of him. Uaughter.)
This people are peculiarly fond OF
dogs; not great. magnificent Newfound-
lands, or stately mastiffs, or graceful
| greyhounds, but little mean ours that
a white man would condemn to death
on general principles, There is moth
/ ing about Inem to recommend them so
! far as personal appearances IS concerns
ed. These people love faeee puppies
/ better than they love each other, and
/ puppy always has plenty 10 cal. even II
/ the rest of the family must go hungry.
When the woman rides. the puppy sits
! in front; when the man rides, the
puppy stands behind-he learns to ride
horseback with the greatest ease. They
| feed him with their own hands, and
fondle and pet and caress him, till he
is full grown dog, and then they eat
him. Now, l couldn't do that. Uaugh-
teri I'd rather go hungry two Gays
than eat an old friend like that
Q.aughter) There's something sad
about that. Qaughter) But perhaps
ought to explain that these dogs are
raised entirely for the table, and fed
all their lives Many a white citizen
learns to throw aside his prejudices
and eat of the dish. After all, it's only
our own American sausage with the
mystery removed. CLaughter) A reg
ular native will eat anything-any-
thing he can bite. 1t is fact that he
will eat raw fish, fresh from the water;
and he begins his meal, too, before the
fish has breathed his last OF course
it's ANNOYING to the fish, but the ka-
naka enjoys it.
In olden times it used to be popular
to call the Sandwich Islanders eanni-
balls. But they never were cannlDais.
That is amply proven. There was one
there once, but he was a foreign saw
age. who stopped there awhile and did
quite a business while he stayed He
was a useful citizen, but had strong po-
Iitical prejudices and used to save up
a good appetite for just before election,
so that he could thin out the Demo
cratic vote. Oaughter) But he got
tired of that and undertook to eat an
old whaling captain just for change.
That was too much for him. He had
the crime on his conscience and the
whaler on his stomach, and the Two
things killed him. (Laughter.) He
died. / don't tell this on account or
its value as an historical fact Qaugh-
teri, but only on account OF the moral
which IL conveys l don't know that
I know what moral it conveys, but still
| know there must be a moral IN IL
somewhere. I have told it forty or
fifty times and never got moral out
of it yet. (Laughter) But all things
come to those who wait.
These people do nearly everything
wrong end first. They buckle the sad
die on the right side, when
the wrong side; they mount
horse on the wrong side; they turn out
on the wrong side and let you go by;
thew use the same WORD to say good
bye'' and "goodmorning" they use
ives" when they mean mo; the
women smoke more than the men 90;
when they beckon to you to come, they
always motion in the opposite direc-
tion: they dance at funerals, and drawn
ont a dismal dirge when they are Pc
euliarly happy In their playing OF the
noble American game of "seVen-up,
the dealer deals to the right instead OF
to the left. and, what is worse, tne
fen takes the ace! Uaughter.) Now,
such ignorance as that is reprehensible,
and for one. / am glad the mission
aries have gone there. Oaughter)
Now. you see what kind OF voters
Won will have if you take these ISLANDS
away from these people, as we are
pretty sure to do some day. Fhey VIII
do everything wrong end first They
will make a deal of trouble here, TOO.
Instead of fostering and encouraging
iudicious system of railway specula-
tion. and all that sort OF thing, they
will elect the most incorruptible men
to Congress. prolonged laughter ana
applause.) Yes, they will turn every
thing upside down.
There are about 1900 white people
on the Islands, and they will increase
instead Of diminishing. They control
all the capital, and are at the head OF
all the enterprises in the Islands.
The land that have tried to tell you
about lies out there in the midst of the
watery wilderness, in the very heart
of the limitless solitudes of the Paclf1c
It is a dreamy, beautiful, charming
land. I wish l could make you com
prehend how beautiful it is. 1t Is
land that seems ever so vague ana