The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-05-24
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

II don't lax de idee er de primary
'sessin' er de candidates.. said the col
ored voter, fer at dat rate de votersli
only have a second mortgage on emf
Atlanta Constitution.
.sThe other day.s writes Ell Perkins,
II met French gentleman at sara
toga, who thought he had mastered the
English language
Z How do you do?' I said on aceost-
DO vat2' he asked, in a puzzled
manner
:. I mean how do you find yourself?'
. 4Saire, I never lose myself
You don't understand me; means /
how do you fee1?
{ How I feels? Oh. I feels smooth;
you shust feel me- Success.
There is no auctuatiOn in the price Of
Wild oats--PhiladeIphia Record.
Jasper-Now that scandsby has made
fortune he doesn't know his old |
Jumpuppe-wen. that has its advan-
tages. They don't have to listen to his |
early struggles
1--WE are continually being misrepre-
sented by the newspapers, said the |
irate statesman.
If the press was successful in its |
efforts to be absolutely accurate. some t
Of US would never get into office
Washington Star.
What is your idea Of a statesman
A statesman" said Farmer Corn |
tosseI. is an office-holder who can quit |
thinkin' about quail on toast once in a |
while and remember the American /
eagle. Exchange
Yes" says the philosophical person.
wealth brings its disappointments.'
in hn
terialistic mantle.
1.-THE difference between a mule al,
some human beins" said Uncle Eben
is dat de mule only kicks once in a
while, an when he does, it mounts to
sJmpin'. w ashington Star
There goes a man who started life
rs a bartender. and now's he's a menu
Der of the legislature"
You don't say suppose the inn
posi- bility OF avoiding evil associa tons
in his business was responsible for it. T
Philadelphia Press.
Cassidy-Oi fought he swore to right
Ireland's Wrongs2
Casey-Thrue for We, so he did.
Cassidy-But he's not on the sntump
amy more.
Casey-No: he's writin' HISTORY az
Ireland now. He fought thot the
aisiest way to write her Wrongs.-Phil-
IN3PA4e1 4tCSOA0s
sD,Auberre took great pains with his
latest painting
$50 did the critics when they viewed
i. "-Baltimore Herald.
The man who asks no greater reward
than the consciousness of having done
his duty is sure to get into trouble with
The groeer.-Baltimore News.
The Scotch recognize De Ia Rey's
ness at arms and the Irish cheer both
Detroit Journal.
Prosperity has ruined many man.
No doubt; bpt if I'm given any
choice in the matter, T. rather be ruin
ed by prosperity than by adversely. The
process is more enjoyable. Chicago
Post.
He's a mighty hard man to get along
with. said the practical politician sadly.
Mighty hard"
He seems thoroughly honest
OF course, he IS. That's what makes
him so cratic and unsa tisfactory. Every
once in awhile he insists on doing some
thing simply because he thinks it is
right, without waiting to figure out
what its effect on his political prospects
is liable to be. Washington Star
Every dog has his day, but there is
only one day for fools-although the
fools largely outnumber the dogs.-Kan-
sas City Journal
The Wife-You don't fully realize how
cross you are when you are with me
The Husband-Yes. I do. because 1
feel so pleasant when I am away from
| Brooklyn Life.
No matter what else may clamor for
recognition, it's always safe to bank on
uncertainty as a sure thing.-Baltimore
| News.
Patient tex-pugilist)-I say. Bill, yer've
/ bin an brought me to see a featherweight {
Friend-That's all right, Mite. Look at
is ed Just you wife till e starts think
/ IN Punch.
Borem-Now. what would you do if you
were IN my shoes. Miss Cutting2
Miss Cutting-I'd point the toes toward
me front door and give them start
Chicago News
Hook-That young. married couple ap-
pear to be two souls with but a single
Nye-Yesi he thinks he's the only thing
on 81. e3rth. and she agrees with him.
You understand. of course. that my
| daughter has been reared in the lap Of lux
why she told me last night that mine
| vas the hrst-er, that is I hope, sir that
may gay be able to make such provision as
mention. Chicago Record-Eierald.
Intimate Friend-The assessor hasn't
listed your property at one-tenth Of what
It IS worth. Then why don't you increase
YOU, assessment voluntarily?
| Mllionaire-I did that last year, and
| everybody said ] was making a grand
stand play for Chicago Tri-
The woman who, visits the expensive
complexion doctor knows that beauty is
skinned deep--Baltinore News.
But I can't bear to be insulted!' said
the statesman, resentfully.
Well" said his friend you should
have thought Of that before you went into