New-York tribune., 1902-12-17
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

THE London Express says Miss Chitty gives
some funny sayings of her scholars in a ''larrikin
Sunday school upon the occasion Of their first see
ing a clergyman In all the glory of ecclesiastical
vestments:
Miss" asked small girl, why do e wear is
sash round rs neck instead of is waist?''
Tho comment OF another little maid was more
original:
When the angel brought I'm the white robe.
wot a pity e left the wings behind in 'Eaven.
And yet third. with an obvious sniff:
Cant think what g wanted pinny for. q
'adnt nothing underneath but an ugly old petit
coat know cos l watched I'm took 1t of thro'
a crack in the door.
JUST AS IT USED TO Be"
wish I were boy. again.
That age but dream.
That things would change from what they are
To what they used to seem:
That l were but little boy.
Could find that dear old Fairyland-
Just as it used to be.
n wishes only were a horse.
How fast away ia ride
Across the plains of yesterday,
once hSSG more G5'''d I'd rescue Sc @ captive maids;
An! doughty deeds you'd see.
If l but hero bold.
Just as l used to be-
With Beanstalk Jack I'd sally forth
To gnn giants ss kit sad gfo1f boos I'd stride away
Where ogres dwell. in castles huge.
And mermaids swarm the sea:
Oh. how Id love to find them all
Just as they used TO be!
My little boy says I'm all wrong
That nothing's changed at all.f
That he show me ogres fierce.
And giants more than tall:
He leads me forth to see
Years drop leaves. I'm young again,
lust as I used
Frederick Mitchell Monroe, In Town and Country.
.The Westminster Gazette tells the following
story whose author is consul resident at Tangter
1.-THE French Government presented fine auto
mobile to the Sultan. and sent expert
chauffeur to run 1t for him. The potentate was
charmed by the new means of covering the ground.
and II looked though horses and state carriages
would go to the stable for good.
"Rut one day when the Sultan spinning
along road the machinery got out of order and
the carriage escaped from the chauffeur's control.
Then tire exploded and the steering gear refused
to work The machine away.
The Sultan called upon 1t TO STOP but 1T re-
fused to obey. Then the machine struck a rock.
and both the Sultan and the chauffeur were
launched into space. while the automobile turned
over with the wheels still spinning.
THE Sultan not badly hurt but he limped
back to town. and sent the royal blacksmith out
with the royal sledgehammer to smash the royal
auto to royal smithereens.
Then he forbade by an edict an order, ukase.
n law a proclamation. and bull that any of his
subjects should import or use auto
mobile
A Respect for Figures-''What do you consider
tba most inportant branch OF education?'
Arithmetic answered Mr. CumroX; give a boy
nentv of arithmetic What blights the careers of
so MANY young is the failure to realize that
1ou can't subtract a 5000 expense account from
81 900 income "-(Washington Star
INV word Fitznoodle. said War Office clerk.
according to THE London Express to a colleague
who sat at the next desk, Just look that work.
man ON the roof of that building the way!'
whats the matter with him. inquired Fitz.
e1ancns through the window at the individual In
dcated.
Matter" retorted II q other. why. I've been
watching the lazy beggar fer the last twenty-five
minutes and he hasn't done stroke of work all
the time"
At the precise moment at which the above con-
versation occurred British workngman ad-
dressing his mate
.Sy BiII. he remarked in tone of deep dis
s,,st d'ye see that ere Ioafin War Offs cIurk in
that room darn there? S'ep me- If Hi amt bin
a-watchin i'm fur nigh arf a hover an the
boomers done nothin but state hout o. tn winder
the ole blessed tyne That's the sort o. chap we
pys taxes ter keep!
Still Belligerent-Miss Peacemaker-Come now
why don't you and Miss Oldun become friends
again?
Miss Sneppe-Oh, I don't the Of going
to all that trouble for hari
Miss Peacemaker-But IT isn't any moro trouble
for you to make up than 1t Is for her
Miss Snappe-Don't you believe 1t. She's used to
making up for she's been doing 1t for years.
fPhila adelphia Press