The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-05-31
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

- IA " ~ VI HI ~ "A Il
Some Of the people who talk so much
are merely trying to keep the world
from finding out that they have little
to say-Exchange.
Sabbath School Teacher-when very
angry what should you do?
Johnny Thickneck-Knock the other
fellow down. sit on his head. and then
count loO-that's the only safe way.
ma am.-Judge.
He'd formed the purpose dire
A suicide to be;
His pistol though, missed fire
And, therefore. so did he.
Philadelphia Press.
Some people can be made to believe
anything except that they don't know
erything--Atchison Globe.
The American who can't see Ameri-
can faults is a donkey. and the Anerf-
can who can is no American, and there
you are.-Life.
American Millionaire was rather
struck with that young Lord De Broke.
think shall let Evadne marry him.
Mrs Millionaire (doubtfully) II m!
Did he ask how much money you had?
No; he asked me how I got it. -
Moonshine.
Papa. what is a diplomatist?"
ANY. man, my son. whose wife re-
spects him. Life.
They say she has been very success
full in her married life"
Yes. 1t has been nothing but sue
cession of homogeneous. Detroit Free
Press.
What was that awful row at the club
last night?"
Dreadful, wasn't it? They were dis
putting as to whether vellum ping pong
rackets were better than wooden ones
and some of them kept right on fighting
in the ambulance on their way to the
hospital '-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Papa. what is an optimist?'
ANY man, my son, who has juse sue
ceeded in getting the best of his neigh
Dor. Life.
A proud terrapin was strolling on the
shore of the bay the other afternoon,
when he met a COW.
Get out of my way. foolish terrapin,"
ordered the cOnceited COW.
Chase yourself - suggested the terra
pin You may be pretty big, but I
bring IS plate. and am hard to get, at
that
'Indeed?'' asked the COW. you should
that the beef trust has arranged things
so that am the centre of attraction at
the banquets, while the best you can get
is back seat at the free lunch coun-
ter2"
This teaches US that our appetite runs
up and down with the price list.-Balti-
more American.
Jasper-What makes Jimson so sour?
Jumpuppe-He once had a success he
did not merit. and ever since he has
been expecting things he does not de-
serve-Life.
The wise man is recognized by his in
ability to explain verything.-Life.
One day last autumn Bennett Burieigh.
the noted English special wsr cores
pondent, was encountered a few miles
torician, Gen. Tucker.
what the - are you doing out
here with that 49, thing?" asked the
general, pointing to a kodak which was
slung round his shoulders.
-'9Well, sir promptly replied Mr.. Bur-
leigh, 4 was intending to take some
photographs; but had I known that l
was to have the pleasure of meeting
you I should have brought out a phono-
graph
At this audacity. it is said that even
Gen. fuckers stock of sulphurous adj
jestives ran low.-Argonaut.
EFF de sayin' is true dat de devils in
politics" said Brother Dickey, "hitll
only result in climatizin' de eanderdates
to de place whar some er dem swine"
Atlanta Constitution.
Collector-Can't you give me any en-
coura cement at all about this old ac-
count?
Mr.. -Easy-Why. yes, of course; I
will pay you as soon as 1 pay any
body.-Detroit Free Press
The clergyman of a church, on leaving
his vestry saw a little girl, a friend of
his. talking to a stranger
What was that man saying to you,
Madge % asked the parsOn, as he came
up to the little girl.
"Oh, he just wanted to know if Mr.
c. was the vicar of this church"
And what did you tell him2"
4 told him." she said, with dignity,
that you were the present encumb-
rance ''-Tit-Bits
Honestly, now, did you learn
anything vital while you We're in col
Graduate-Um-m. well. I learned how
to state my Ignorance in scientific
terms.-Life.
He-I suppose. before seem one of
these plays, one should read the book
She-Yes- Then, in some cases, one
might avoid the play.-Puck.
Ever stop to think that some one has
to go around and pick up and straighten
out after the easy going, gOod-natured
people ?-Atchison Globe.
About all you can do with people who
hate you is to conclude they have bad
taste.-Atchison Globe.
Yes. Miss Bilkins has really written
a tale with the genuine New England
atmosphere.
What's that?
"Oh, about nine-tenths old maid, and
the rest made up of equal parts of Gull
ture, pie and Browning.-Life.
Bridget and Pat were sitting in an arm
chair reading an article on THE Law of
Compensation
Just fancy exclaimed Bridget; ..ac-
cordin' to this, Whin a mon loses wan av
is sinsas h.