Evening star., 1902-08-22
Administered to the Brand
New Member of Congress.
AND ALL IN GOOD FAITH
AN INTERESTING DISCUSSION RE-
PORTED IN DETAIL.
The Little Fellow Told Some Truths
That the Big Fellow Will
Surely Learn.

|
the capital to a Star man, "and little in
cident happening a few days ago in the
| office of a hotel in town not million
/ miles from the Mason and Dixon line will
prove interesting about Washington and
| Washingtonians.
"A man, evidently very important man
| in his community, was the center of a
! group of honest admirers who had just
| finished several rounds of mint juleps at
! his expense, There was a quiet little fell
! low sitting in a big chair, with his feet on
the window sill, putting his cigar compla-
| Gently, and taking in the very important
| man and his honest admirers with much
| interest. l will relate the conversation as
! nearly as l can recollect it, but l cannot,
| unfortunately, picture the scene:
| The clerk says you are from Washing
! ton, remarked the very important man TO
! the little fellow. He extended his hand
| condescendingly to the other, who grasped
! 1t languidly, blew a cloud of smoke from
! his lips and nodded his Panama hat with
an acquiescent jerk
| 81 have just been nominated for Con-
| gress, sir. and in my district nomination
| is equivalent to an election the citizen con-
| tinued.
The Panama hat jerked again, and its
| wearer critically took in from the corner
of his eye the individual thus honored.
The Tangles for New Members.
" 1 will deliver a number of speeches
upon the floor of the House, sir resumed
the nominee, with swelling pride at the
thought of how his words were to electrify
the country. i have not decided how
many, but there will be a number upon the
great questions of the day, There are mat
ters which confront us, sir, which are i'm
peratVe of immediate action, and It is my
intention to
And he proceeded to talk for fifteen
minutes straight without a break as TO
what he would do and would not do, and
what Congress would do and would not do,
once he got inside the Capitol, brace1 him
self before his little desk and fastened his
eague eye upon the unhappy Speaker. When
he paused for breath the little fellow who
was washington correspondent spoke for
the first time:
My friend said the little chap, quietly.
the chances are that you will not open
your mouth upon the floor of the House
except to cough or spit, dozen times dur
Ing your first term, and not at all in a
speech, except by the unusual consent Of
the Speaker m such instances, and that of
the party whip, who controls whatever
measures there may be up for debate The
chances of your securing recognition from
either of these authorities about equals the
chances of your oiiity to deliver at frs. a
readable address
In fact, when you gyrate around Wash
ington you will find that you are small pc
tatoes IN the capital, as well as at the Cap
ltol. "c hpi pay any attention 10 repre-
sentatives unless they are old campagners,
and scarcely any to senator's; just don't
mind them around al all, you know You
Will be one of $50 men in the House, and as
a new member you will be lost in the
shuttle. Around the hotels and in the streets
the people will not give you a second
glance, even If here at home they tremble
at your approach and hearken solemnly at
the tones Of your resonant voice as your
lips drop pearls of political wisdom.
Trials of the Statesman Tenderfoot.
When you get off the train and find
yourself ''in Washington you will think
yourself bigger than the President, but
you will be the only man in town who be-
lieves This. The colored bell boys in the
hotel where YOU stop will kowtow to you
for tips, but as for the rest of the popu-
lace, so far as You are individually con-
cerned, you might as well be dead. You
will be stuck upon the fag end of a COIN
mittee, and your most important real duty
for the session will be looking after your
allotment of seeds, and your quota of gov
eminent documents and records, which no
one reads except the compiler, the printers
and the proofreaders.
Sab, cried the nominee, now white
with passion, as he lowered over the little
fellow, and sneezed violently as the smoke
from the latter's cigar ascendod in his
face. Sab, do you mean to insult me-?
Not bit, my friend replied the cor
respondent, cheerfully, as he shifted one
your election is a sure thing; I'm Just let
ting you know what to expect Being of
the opposition party you win get the frozen
face on all personal favors, and not the
glad hand you expect in official matters in
your rounds of the departments, except
along regulation lines of public business.
" In short, what is done for you, a green
member and a political opponent, will be
done as matter of official grace and not
as right or favor outside of strictly rCu-
tine lines. You will find that you cannot
order about cabinet officers and others as
you think you will do now, and when YOU
get the stony glare and the ice hooks put
to you few times your gorge will rise
and you will confde your troubles to some
old member of your party, who will advise
you to saw wood and say nothing You will
declare that you will do terrible things
talk about questions of privilege" IN
alienable rights public servants whose
duty 1t is, etc." and lots of other direful
things which you will find, to your sur
prise, no one pays any heed to- and a slow
but perfect realization finally comes home
! to you of your exact size in the political
national potato patch.
Cutting Their Milk Teeth.
When you return to Washington at the
| beginning of the second session of your
! first term you may be said to have cut your
| milk teeth, and will thereafter masticate
| your officiah food with your first moIars
| with more wisdom than when you trisd at
| the outset TO be the whole push, In the mis-
| taken belief that you were the real tkirg.
| Even the new members of the dominant
| party don't amount to much, either per-
| sonally or officially, in Washington while
! the colts of the opposition can't be seen
| with field glasses
by this time the drummer contfnu d
''the nominee had drawn his gun, and in
| the hands of his honest admirers We're
| flashed similar persuasive arguments
| Z" Take him away shouted the very i'm
! portant man to the hotel clerk, who picked
up the little chap bodily in his arms and
was about to carry him out of the Office to
| a place of safety. Take him awayn
| " Hold on moment begged the CORE
| spondent, as he struggled and kicked furi-
| ously in the clerks strong arms; wait a
moment. for it is for your own good New
members and their families who swim on