The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-12-21
Dutchman. aIso az. named Louis

Dutchman. also large. named Louis
AS they were about to leave the the
atre and continue their talk in the Of
fee they were somewhat startled by
cOmmOtOn at the foot of the stairs, and
moment later a bald pate. followed
by huge body. came struggling up the
stairs, pulling and blowing like
whole school of porpOises.. When Louis
Hams reached the top he irately de-
manded:
We're ISIS der Manager
I'm the manager replied Jeffer-
son.
''Ach, Gott-vatt are you trying to
gife me?" blew forth the Dutehman, al
most sobbing in his anger.
What's the matter2" inquired Eide
son and jefferson in one breath.
Colt in Himmel-der TANNED play
ISIS leaking all ofer my store!"
Investigation proved the tank had.
in being transported to the lofty stage.
sprung leak.
It is to be feared that Ezra Kendall
has not entirely succeeded in his new
stellar venture. Iendal, the irresis-
ttible on the vaudeville stage and the
indubitable king OF monoioguists, does
cess. It is rgrnored that Ezra is about
to abandon THE Vinegar Buyer for
vaudeville. Anent this there is
story.
Mr.. Proctor, who is one of the fore
most purveyOrs of vaudeville, and
whose name distinguishes the Proctor
circuit wanted Kendall bad. He sent
for him half a dozen times, and in con-
sideration of the number of engage
Kendall, the mOnologuist was asked to
cut his salary a bit. This Kendall viii
never 90. For some years Kendall has
been quoted in vaudeville at $500 a
week Finally one day Mr.. Proctor
sent an urgent message and Kendall re-
sponded in person.
Now, I think" said Mr.. Proctor,
that you might shade that figure
bit"
Kendall was obdurate, but asked why
he should.
well" replied Mr.. Proctor, my ex-
penses are pretty high. You see. have
to pay a pretty big rent for various
places.
Kendall started for the door.
What's the matter?'' queried the
manager.
why. you don't want to see me"
answered the comedian.
Yes. l do"
ION, no. You want to see your land
lord"
And Kendall departed
That general factotum Of the the
atre-the treasurer-is the receiver gen
eral of all sorts of complaints. He
must be a man who can gracefully
present the other cheek, else he is IN
able 10 hold his job. Sometimes he is
possessed of q humor which is cut
ting. Frequently he is sarcastic. But
whatever his replies to the angry pa
irons, he offers them SO politely that,
as the song goes, they are music to the
ear.
In a Pittsburg theatre recently a
lady approached the box Office and
angrily demanded:
What do you mean, sir, by giving
a big, fat man a seat right in front
of me- Do you suppose I can see
through him2 1 certainly cannot see
over or around him
I did not know who was going to
be in front of you, madam, replied
the treasurer.
well, he's there. and I wish you to
get him away" stated the aggrieved
one. with great emphasis.
Il cannot do that, madam. He paid
for the seat and has a right to it,.
You cannot? You have no right to
put stout people in front seats. You
ought TO make them take the rear
rows"
4 don't know. You are getting lit
tie stout yourself. madam. Perhaps
some day you viii be in the rear-seat
class. How would you like"
I didn't come here to be insulted,
sir" the indignant woman tartly re-
sponded, as she tiouneed away.
One of the melodramas in Chicago
last week was called In Convict
Stripes" One of the players in the play
was II. Scott Siggins. When he was d
younger man Mr.. Siggins wanted to be
a comedian. He felt that he was fun
ny, and his friends encouraged him in
the belief. While looking for an en-
gagement he saw an "ad'' in a dTamat
ic paper of q medicine show that de-
sired a comedian. He wired the man
ager for the position, asking What
salary dc you pay?"
six dollars week and board, wired
the manager.
Siggins. feeling hurt. rushed to the
telegraph office ard quickly sent the
following: THE Western Union refuses
to send a message with my opinion of
you"
He collapsed when he received the
following from the manager. collect:
Try the Postal