The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1902-01-14
Whacker Bills Conversion
By II. wADswoRrH PARKER,

Here, you triangulated sine qua non OF
peraInbulator, shut up!"
Bill stopped in the middle of a mighty oath
and stared at the missionary in amazement
So preachers lost their temper, and such
quiet chap Preacher Rollins, too!
Bill forgot the condition of the road while
he ruminated over this fact. Then they
struck an ugly stone, a mailbag few through
space, and Bill came back to earth by most
profane route Rollins held the rens while
Bill went back to gather up Uncle Sans
possessions. The offending bag went up with
crash and an oath, and Bill was following
with still mightier accompaniment of pro-
family when he felt the young missionary's
grip of steel on his wrist.
You bifurcated prismodial of a ne plus
! ultra iconoclast, stop that noise and tend to
busiress!"
Whacker Bill climbed into the seat without
| a word. Rollins calmly lighted cigar and
studied the scenery, and they rode five miles
| in eloquent silence. Then Bill could stand it
no longer.
| "Pardner, whar did you Farm it?'
At college, came the terse reply.
"Lordy, an I've heerd em called religious
cemeteries" murmured Bill, and silence once
| more settled between them.
Rillins was smoking his third cigar and
feeling bit nervous as they covered the last
| two miles into Las Vegas. Just as they
| caught sight OF the towns lights tWinkling
| in the mist one of the lead horses stumbled
and fell. In ten seconds there was mad
| combination of horses tangled harness ano
| profanity in front of the stage When the
damage had been repaired to steady fire
| of cuss words, Bill returned to his post
| swearing as he mounted the step, swearing as
| he gathered up Ills lines. swearing as he
| cracked the whip Then that calm, even voice
fell upon his ear.
| That's enough from you you quadrangular
l nd 1vho dral ola fri
angular, trigonometrcal descendant of the
/ antedluvian pericd!"
| Bill fairly gasped. Words failed him. One
hand clasped the lines, and the fingers of the
| other worked nervously, but it was not raised
| against his companion The latter continued
| to gaze at him sternly.
| You psychological progeny of a mytho-
logical ancestry, you zanthidium cosmopolite,
you predetermined descendant of decadent pro-
genitors, want you to understand that when
I'm riding with you and there's any swearing
! to the done will do it! You don't know good
cuss words when you see them
| The stage drew UP before the Empire hotel
| Five minutes later Whacker Bill stumbled
up to the bar and asked huskily for his usual
| drink.
Make it two. Jimmy. make it two, and
| make 'em stiff"
And he drank them slowly, staring moodily
across the rim of his glass at the circle Of
malaria
That night after Rollins had conducted
4 evening service in the chapel and had bap-
t1Zed two babies, he returned to the Empire
| hotel tc find Whacker Bill waiting for him.
| They went to his room in silence, and the
i bad man of Las Vegas valley laid q motley
i array of trophies the missonary's table.
| tThar's a couple Nv leads as was found in
| men l put to sleep; thar's a lock Nv Jim
| Dewey's hair. him that I knocked out in
| four roun's in 81; thars couple Nv claws
from grizzly laid out in clean fight an
a gun yanked from as good an Injun as ever
ct dust. They're yourn.''
/ why you bringing them to me?"
| You've armed 'em. pardner. l thought I
could swear, but I amt one-two-three with
you. We can't walk on the same side Nv the
street when it comes to cussin'. Take 'em.
It's cinch that If we put up cussin' match
you'd win, an I'm ready to cry quits eff you
are.'
They shook hands on the deal, and Whacker
Bill went down for another drink. The Rev.
John Rollins had letter to write. 1t was
addressed to struggling young lawyer in
eastern city, and it wound up as follows:
$50 I send you the trophies of NY first
4 victory likewise the first I have ever
had of my geometrical studies. Hang the
souvenirs in your den along with the check
i you receive for your first case You ought
to thave fairish collection II ali the old
crowd contribute, scattered, as we are, from
Dan to Beersheba. Come out next summer
and I'll introduce you TO the bad man who
went down before theological profanity. He's
j character"
J; And in the cabin under Bilger's hill sweet
faced little woman was praying the good Lord
not to let Whacker Bill hurt her dear Jack.