Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1902-01-30
st. Louis Letter.
EDITED BY j. W. JAQUITH & co.

CbllEb pi u. w. JASCllh w.
The earthquake shock was felt dis
tinctly on the East Side. Cashier W.
j. Biel of the First National Bank at
Granite City says he was awakened
from a sound sleep by the shock, and
at once rushed to the bank, thinking
burglars we're blowing up the safe.
"Ho, no! Ha, hal" quoth Cashier Biel,
"What's this peculiar shock | feel,
This discord siesmic."
He pulled his gun out with a yank;
"'Tis someone blowing up my bank,
III make that burglarfeel sick"
And forging forward on the run,
While holding fast his trusty gum,
To where the banks located.
eff chance it is those stockyard thugs,
I'll fill their carcass full of slugs--
I've got to-" Biel debated.
But after his exciting race,
He found the bank still in its place,
And safe and sound the money;
In wonderment he scratched his head,
81 thought twas burglars sure he said;
"By Jove, but this is funny"
Then setting forth for his hotel
Bel muttered, "Now DOM that beat -"
well,
No matter what he muttered;
For the words expressed by our friend Biel
On this cold morn clothed dishabile,
Had best remain unuttered.
The Iron County Club Physical
Culture Society has admitted a new
member, in the person of Samuel Jere-
miah Tilden Simpson. Jerry started
out early last Friday evening to ele-
vate s%pirits-not his own in particular.
He then concluded he had a settlement
to make with our sporting brother
Sam Lowenstein. Sam "Jewdic-
%iously" rested with oratorical hon.
ors. That's just my luck" quoth
Jerry, land here I am just spelling
for a rough house, and everybody
around the place is as %peaceable as a
Quaker. ha! ha! an idea; I'll go up
to the Iron County Club and put it on
the bum" The Physical Argument
Glass vas debating the Forbes-D augh-
erty contest, when Jerry presented
himself for initiation. Jerry made a
strong argument as to his physical
prowess, but his illusion was quickly
dispelled by our sporting editor-who
lie also oar Alfred Austin-who promptly
challenged the turbulent Jeremiah to
a three round, go as you please fistic
encounter, without gloves. Jerry &C.
cepted, and both retired to their re-
spective dressing rooms, appearing in
snort time in the hall stripped for
action. Bill Conner acted as referee,
Gallager was seconded by H. Bromo-
settler and Simpson by Herr Frederick
Wilhelm. Then a general mixup en-
sued, prize ring rules and science was
thrown to the winds. Result. one i'm
paired proboscis for Gallager, while
| Jerry's face bears a miniature map of
the New Jerusalem. The referee and
seconds also bore marks of distinction
which they received in the perform
ance of their duties, terminating this
very interesting and unsientiic con-
test. Another bout takes place at the
club rooms next Friday evening. All
members of the club are cordially in
vited to attend.
Fred Smith attended the Red Mems
dance at Uhrig's Cave Saturday eve
ming, attired in his King Edward coat
and accompanied by BLACK Betsy"
Theodore Rudy, who formerly re-
sided at Pilot Knob, Mo-, died last
Friday morning Of pneumonia. His
bereaved family have the heartfelt
sympathy of the entire club.
Henry Westermann's announcements
now read sat liberty, open dates solicit
ted, For Old Times Sake"
Jake Grandhomme Of Ironton was a
welcome visitor at the club last week.
Tom Ragsdale's raglan girl went to
a ragtime rag with her raglan on. A
ragger and the raglan girl were chew
ing the rag when the latter removed
her raglan, which was swiped by a
rag-a-mufin. Now, not "every lady
has a raglan on"
t -