The Western news., 1902-07-23
NO NICKEL, NO CALL.

sW EsS ,es IA $50 -,sk
DISADVANTAGE OF ONE PARTY
LINE TELEPHONE.
Red Tape Took Up Valuable Time
When There We're Burglars In the
House and the Owner Wanted Com
nection with Police Headquarters.
There Is one man in Washington who
Is the sworn foe of the telephone COM
pany. He declares that while it Is true
that corporations have no souls. and
he is, therefore, barred from invoking
perdition on the head Of the company,
he would cheerfully consign the d.
rectors and stockholders OF the con-
cern to the uttermost limbo Of the
Inferno. He has not vet cooled down
sufficiently to tell the reason for his
feud in coherent fashion, but from
other sources equally as authentic the
cause of the trouble is learned.
Mr.. Subscriber has telephone In
his house. 1t is one of these three-or-
four on the-line affairs, and you have
to drop nickel in the slot to get
action. Central Is always particular
about the nickel. One night last week
Mrs Subscriber, who Is a light sleeper.
heard a noise in the house. 1t was
one of those stealthy, creepy, noise
less noises that suggest missing silver,
stolen watches, and sometimes MUIR
der. She is courageous woman, and
she made certain that her ears did not
deceive her. Then she screamed. Mr..
Subscriber woke with start, but was
still bit foggy. Another scream.
whats the matterY asked the mas
ter of the house.
Burglars! Don't you hear them?
Murder! Help! Burglars! Police!"
Mr.. Subscriber leaped up and ran to
the door Of the room. He saw man
hustling down the stairs. He ran back
and proceeded to put on his trousers.
Then he hunted for match, but his
match box was empty and he could
not find one until he had ransacked
nearly every room on the upper floor,
and finally located one in the bath
room. He lit the gas and looked at his
watch and found that 1t was half-past
2. He ran to the telephone, and told
sleepy Central that there were bur-
glars in the house, and he wanted po-
lice headquarters in order that the
bluecoats might be warned in time to
capture the marauders. Wouldn't Cen
tral please hurry?
'Put in your Nickel" said Central.
II haven't a bit Of change, not a
thing less than dollar bill. Charge
me up with a nickel-a dollar-ten dol
lars. Do anything, but just give me
police headquarters"
"Well, I'm sorry" said Central in
manner both deliberate and sympa-
thetic, "but you will have to put a
nickel in the slot before l can give
you headquarters. That's the rule, you
know"
"But don't you see how 1t is" plead
ed Mr.. Subscriber. Burglars in the
house. l saw 'em Police! Help!
Say, charge me up with anything. I've
got all kinds Of money except nickels.
Hurry up, do. The women in the
house are nearly frantic"
This appeal was not without its in
fuence on Central, who said: .'I'll call
the chief operator" After what SEEM
ed an endless time voice came over
the phone:
This is the chief operator. What is
lit"
Mr.. Subscriber stated his case again,
saying that he could hear the spoons
rattling downstairs and the house
woulu be looted before the police
could leave the station. The chief
operator listened attentively-at least
she didn't interrupt. Then she asked
sweetly:
"Well, you know we can't let you
have the number unless you put In
the nickel except In case of an emer-
gency call. Now, is this an emergency
call?"
my God, woman" said Mr.. Sub.
scriber. 1.-Two o'clock in the morning
-burglars-spoons stolen-saw 'em
myself, burglars l mean-folks faint
ing-nO nickel. OF course, this is ar
emergency call" This last he fairly
shrieked.
He got headquarters and the police
came out in few minutes, but found
no Burglars, although they made the
comforting assurance that there had
undoubtedly been some there. Thi.
comment, however, failed to appeast
Mr.. Subscriber, who now swears tha
he will get even with the telephon,
company.