The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-08-06

LAURENS =. c., Aug. @, 1909.
A Conspirator Unmasked.

server leaked or split the not
stuff in The Herald Of last week:
"DEAD FLY IN H OINTMENT"
"Under the head OF "a Matter of
Men, THE ADVERTISER of last week
proceeds to convince It's readers that
factionalism is surely dead-that 1t is
o mere matter of men, and that so far
as he (the editor) is concerned, he is
going to live up to the new order OF
things. "Dead flies cause the ONT
meut of the %apothecary to send forth a
sinking savor," and when he says 1--WE
believe now as always that the Reform
Movement did the State of South Caro-
lima ~incalculable hurt" he let's the cat
out: 1t is the dead fly in the ointment.
How can he co~nscientiously vote for a
Reformer against an Anti, while still
cliDging to these views? Further on
he does not hesitate to say, that IL
strong men were put up on his (AntO
side, he would support them. The
truth of the whole matter Is, that THE
ADVERTISER may go to the polls and
vote against his Judgment and con-
science, as this rather peculiar effusion
would indicate, he surely cannot be so
ignorant or innocent OF the intentions
OF the great mass of the old Anti faction
of the time that must intervene till
they can get to the polls to vote against
those who have been active In fighting
the battle of Reform. Yes, your Anti
faction have pretended to gulp down
the Reform platform for the sake of
Office, while at heart they are just as
full Of factionalism as in the days when
they, supported Haskell aud Pope
fought the Constitutional Convention,
or scratched Ben Tillman in the 1900
primary, only ~twenty-three months ago.
OBSERVER.
Our good friend and brother, OBJ
server, is on our track warm. Almost
he has caught us red-handed in the act
of voting for T~illmanites. He may be
able to stop it but we fear not. It's
most too late. But we commend his
good intentions. An Anti shouldn't be
allowed to take liberties with Reform
ers, such as supporting them. 1t looks
suspicious. Most any old Anti is liable
to be a spy in camp and it's just as we'll
to skin one now and them and see
what's under his hide.
We solemnly warn Observer, Pro
Bono Publico, Occasional and all their
kin against Ourselves. We can't help
being wicked sometimes and now in a
lucid moment THE ADVERTISER puts
them on their guard. If anybody is led
or misled by a word printed in this
sheet, the responsibility must be on his
own head. We wash our hands of it
now and forever. Even IL advertise
ments may be loaded. We are eager to
have the people read THE ADVERTISER
and subscribe but not to trust it. When
ever it seems to be saying Il soft fair
thing, there's mighty apt to be 'pizen"
in it and the fairer the "pizener." So If
paper, it's because they have trouble
above the eyes. They might have known
better b~ecause'we told 'em so" during
the above few moments of remorse and
repentance.
AS the Indians said to Old Columbus
when he landed, "Lo, we are discov-
cred" but the discovery isn't complete.
So here goes for the whole pig. We do
not wish a wise good man like Observer
to grope around in the dark and bump
his top knot without knowing what he's
up against. Hold your breath and
hearken to the plain, bold, hideous
fact.
WE'RE A CONSPIR ATOR!
Possibly we'rea whole blamed con-
s~piracy-but now that we are caught, it
doesn't matter. So the other night
when the moon was dark and the skies
were drippin' and the flee dogs howlin'
we met with ourselves in a hollow log
and said:
Are the blinds all DOWN."
And Ourselves whispered: "They is,
Great Juggernant."
Then we said real low: "Give the
~countersign!"
And Ourselves Kissed back: "T-r-r-
eachery!"'
Then we said, said we, "We think we
are for Col. So-and-so and our young
friend This and our young friend That"
And Ourselves answered in gleeful
but hushed tones, 'Bully for you old
Traitor" Thatll puzzle 'em. Your
vote don't count much and Reform'n
be added. You'll wink at all the other
Ants and the Reformers will be so re-
joiced over your generosity hat they'll
fall over each other to elect the noble
sweet-scented Anti candidates who
have swallowed the dispensary and
never wake up till the votes are
counted. The Reformers will surely
bite"
Alas and alackaday! Ourselves could
moi know that Observer was observing
about that time and would give away
snap. Y ct it was a deep laid plot.
After all we have been operating as q
Conspiracy for some time. AS far back
as 1884 we conspired to support q Till
mantle now and hen and have subse-
quently conspired in the same way
every two years. We conspired in 1890
to vote against Judge Haskell and
have been shaky about our Judgment
ever since. In 1902 we conspired to
vote for Ben Tillman in the general
election and travelled 76 miles to do It.
In 1884 we conspired not to vote for
governor. About the same time we
conspired to run the only. Anti Daily
paper in the state to advocate the COM
stitutionaf convention. In order to
basely deceive Observer we conspired
never to scratch Senotor Tiumon,.