davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
THE SPICE OF LIFE
MERRY JESTS THAT WILL DRIVE
AWAY DULL CARE.
Husband Knew What to Expect When
He Was Called "Darling"-Good
Scheme to Make Time Pass Away
Quickly.
Mrs. Noah Up to Date.

Noah, finding his wife weeping on
the quarterback, inquired what was
the matter.
I'm afraid people will say our
fashions came out of the ark" she
sobbeu.
Never mind he returned. I'VE can
have the apes to dine with us tc.
night"
Reassured by being thoroughly up
to date, she dried her tears and went
down to swipe some plumes off the
ostrich.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
The Ransom Of an 0verCOat.
BY JAMES BUCHANAN.

| by JAMES BUCHANAN.
| Copyright 1902. by Daily Story Pub. Coz
MIR. T.. Wilbert Marsh sailed fortn
one morning, with brand new light
overcoat thrown jauntily over his left
arm. About half way between his
| lodging house and the station where
he was wont to climb up to that
abominable inconvenience the "ele-
vated," he observed a young lady
dart down the front steps of one of
the most imposing and least faxed
| of the veneered brown-fronts. She
carried letter in her hand. On her
head was nothing but a great glo-
rious mass of piled-up saffron hair.
She was strikingy pretty and strik-
ingly conscious of the fact. II one
manner. 1t was evident that she was
bound for the nearest letterbox.
Hardly, however had the little kid
slippers of this pleasing damsel trip.
ped along the pavement dozen
yards when, with the eXasperating I'M
expectedness which nature sometimes
displays in her most perverse moods.
ure stopped short. wavered a mo.
ment and then turned back-iust in
time to meet young Marsh. struggling
to raise his umbrella over his S25
overcoat.
With a silvery laugh and, apparent
ly the most perfect unconsciousness
of any improperly in thus accosting
a stranger, the girl exclaimed:
How sudden"
E. Wilbert Marsh smiled, and rails.
cd his hat with a gratified blush.
Would you have the kindness to
drop my letter in the first box you
pass?" asked the girl, putting the
little square missive into the young
mans hand, and gathering her skirts
preparatory to flight. The next in
slant she fed, rustling and laughing,
back to the shelter of the brown stone
front, and f. Wilbert Marsh found
himself saying with pleasure!' to
the empty air The young lady look
ed back as she was vanishing and
nodded. IL wo=der If she would rec
ognize me, If she met me again."
unused Marsh. Then he walked brisk
ly on.
The rattle of an approaching train
fell on his ear. He had Just time to
reach the station and catch it, There
would not be another train for FIVE
minutes, and it happened that he was
somewhat late that morning With an
inward vow that he would mail the
young lady's letter Immediately on
leaving the car. he made a wild dash
for the stairway and rushed upon the
platform of the nearest car just as
the guard was closing the gate. Then
he slipped the letter into his over.
coat pocket, and straightway did what
all men do under such circumstances
forgot 1t.
Presently another young man left
his seat, came up the aisle, and stood
smiling down upon Marsh. Going to
the ball game, this afternoon?" he
asked.
why, hello." replied Marsh, recog.
nizing a chum in whose company he
had aforetime done his part toward
hoarsely eulogizing the national
game. Eyes, want to go. Shall, II
! can get away. You going?"
Not much chance of II. Two hun.
dred and fifty pieces in last nights
mail! Don't know how much larger
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
The Biggest of TIPS.

81 tell you what grumbled the
pessimistic waiter, people amt CIV
ing tips like they used to in the old
days"
That's right" replied the good-na.
tured waiter, facetiously, there was
Esau, for instance, who gave his
birthright for a mess of pottage"
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

this mornings mail will be, But say,
VIII, II you can go, you want TO. It's
going 20 be great bali. Hutchins will
pitch for our fellows. The champions
play us, and are only just notch
ahead, you know"
BY the time T.. Wilbert Marsh left
the car his head was completely full
OF the great game which was to
come OF that afternoon. He was
planning how no could get away. He
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Why She Detested Il.

Again" complains the devoted
wife. Il am told that you have been
flirting with that odious Miss Mashem
on the piazza"
"3ah!' retorts the gay husband,
thinking to ridicule the suspicious of
his wife. "Eah!" he repeats.
1T isn't so bad" asserts the wife,
for man to be guilty, but what |
detest is when he acts so sheepish
about it,
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
A Great Boomer.

ITS really astonishing-the bust.
ness success that young Calliper has
attained, and he's not much more than
a little lad now"
We'll, when you come to think of it,
there's nothing better to boom bust.
yess."
Better than WHAT"
"a little 'ad.'"
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

II Is reported that the Egyptian
sphinx ~ rapidly decaying owing TO
altering climatic conditions due to the
irrigation of recent years, Can the Sc
cret OF the sphinx be out at lastl Has
II all these centuries been trying to
gasp the single word "irrigate"f
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
No Credit In the Bill.

Or. Jalap-Well. you may thank
your fine constitution for pulling you
through nothing else could have
saved you.
The Convalescent-But | cannot see
That you have made any reduction in
your bill for my fine constitutions
share in the cure.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Touchinq.

Slopay-Don't you wish you were
Midas?
Borroughs-Who was he?
Slopay-Everything he touched
turned to gold
Borroughs-Huh! Everybody
touch turns me down.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
A Gentle Hint.

IL was 11:30.
Yes" she said, although the re-
mark seemed a little abrupt, Il al
ways sleep we'll" Then she paused
and plaintively added in a hopeless
murmur, When | get a chance"
Whercupon the youth, who had
been overstaying himself took his
hat and softly stole away.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Sure to Be Preiudiccd.

Friend-Don't look so blue. You
have a good case.
Jimsoa-No use. I'll lose. know
I'll lose. Every man on that jury
either rented or bought house of me
when | was in the real estate bust.
ness.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

The Boston man who wants q di.
Vorce because his wife is under the
control of certain evilmindcd Der
cons" has established valuable pre-.
cedent for the total abolition of dyes,.
makers.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
In 1905 A, .,

Mrs. Uptodate Ito maid)-Marie,
you need not set out the capsules
for Mr.. Uptodate's dinner. have re-
ceived a marconigram that he will not
be home until 10 o'clock, as his San
tos-DumOntobile has had breakdown.
Judge.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
At Home All Day.

why weepest thou, woman"
MY lord will be buried this day"
My wife was buried yesterday. To.
morrow / must get me another"
Whereupon the widow shook the
ashes from her shining hair, dried
her eyes, and, looking into the face
of the widower, smiled.
Il will be at home tomorrow all
day." she said.-Smart Set.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Still in the Family,

II deeply regret it, sir. but honor
and my altered circumstances compel
me to release your daughter from
her. engagement. | cannot enter your
family beggar. In recent deal in
stocks | lost my entire fortune
Not another word. my boy-not an.
other word. got it,
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Fitted for the Choir.

Pastor-Your daughter is very hand.
0me, Mr.. Smith.
Father-Yes, she Is. I'm thinking
Of having her join your choir.
Pastor-That's good. Is she fine
vocalist?
Father-No, but she's got devil of
temper.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

William N. Guthrie. the Chicago
university lecturer who declares that
modern newspapers are more shock.
ing than Byrons Don Juan" evident
ly has been reading the beauty hints
in the magazine sections.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

A president of the United States
is at great disadvantage when re.
siding in a small town. His official
position loses all of its dignity when
he is brought into comparison with
the town constable.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
There Wasn't.

Redd-He took several good-sized
sticks and beat his wife.
guilty of such cruelty.
Redd-.Cruelty! There wasn't any
cruelty about it. They were playing
golf together.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Extravaqant Wish.

Have you selected q play for next
season."
NO." answered the sensational &C.
tress; that Is matter of some diff.
hculty. ! would give a great deal If
could find playwright whose imag.
ination is as fertile as that OF my
press agent"
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
An InfaIlible Presentation.

Patient-Doctor, tell me something
to make the time pass more quickly.
Just now it drags so that | have moth.
ing to think of except myself.
Doctor-lndorse a note falling due
in three months for. bit more than
your present income affords.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

Young Mr.. Rockefeller and his wife
can afford to take their wedding trip
year late, as no one will suspect
that 1t was the expense that kept
them from going sooner.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Wouldn't Post Bills,

Dear, dear" sighed Mrs. Nuliwed;
Il suppose I'll have 20 take this re.
ceipted bill down to the milliner my.
self"
You can mail it, cant you?" asked
her husband
mo. indeed. I've seen those large
signs stuck up all over tac city which
read: Post no bills
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
RECOGNIZED the Sound.

1t was her first ride in an automo-
bile and she was deeply interested in
the horn that was used to notify PEG.
pie to clear the way.
Papa" she said
"Well?" he returned
Make ii snore some more"
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

Ping-pong has been introduced in
the British lunatic asylums, but it is
announced the game is not response
BILE for the presence in those institu-
tions of quite all the inmates who play
il.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

When w, X. Vanderbilt was told
tina; Gates thought of executing a
coup TO gain control of the New York
Central Railroad he said: POOH"
Will Mr.. Vanderbilt please explain
whether that is his idea of Gates OF
OF the proposed coup?
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Pleasantly Situated,

Poor mani" said the lady visitor,
addressing one of the inmates of the
insane asylum, don't you often feel
very sad to be SHUT up here?"
"Oh, no. the patient answered.
THE lunatics who come to look at us
are generally very amusing"
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

President Castro of Venezuela has
tackled the following notice on his
Office door: out. VIII return when
the revolution is over-if | have good
luck"
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

Piemakers in New York have
struck. Just here is where the public
calls a halt. We can get along with.
out coal or meat, we can manage to
have our freight undelivered, but we
must have pie.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Thoughtful Of the Children.

81 suppose" said Mr.. Odds, III
were to start smoking again 1t would
set the children a bad example"
1T would, indeed replied his
wife. Its thoughtful and unselflsh
Of you to consider that"
Eyes, so I've decided to send the
children right off to boarding school,
where they won't see me-"
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

America has the best guns" says
a German annual. 1t is lucky for the
editor Of the annual that Herr krupp
is not empowered to punish people for
leze majesty.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

The prisoner who preferred to go
back to his cell rather than marry
should not be censured hastily. A
great many persons not in DURANGO
have shown far less wisdom.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

A boy who rocked boat at Peoria
was drowned by the boy he wished to
brighten clinging to him. The lament
able part of this is that the scared
youth was drowned also.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Honesty Vaccine,

Doctor" said the wild-eyed young
man. my wife is kleptomaniac Do
you think you can do anything for
herr"
We'll, we might try vaccination"
replied the young doctor. You know
that keeps people from taking things"
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

Venice proposes to replace the old
Campanile with steel structure, one
containing elevators. Shades of By.
ron and Ruskin!
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

Francis A. Palmer of New York. an.
ether rich man, has started in to
build colleges. 1t will presently come
to pass that college building will be
another of the overcrowded profes.
sions.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

See Venice and die has a new mean
ing now, when historic structures In
that city are tumbling about the heads
of residents and tourists.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

A man has started to ride horse
from Dayton, Ohio, to San Francisco,
but 1t is quite safe to say that this will
not become a fad
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

The Governor OF Yucatan reports
that his country has neither war
nor a revolution on hand. Well. by
gum! Another miracle.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

1t is the unexpected that happens in
the ordinary affairs of life, and in the
matter of weather it is the unprotected
that occurs.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Il Would Cool Them OFF.

Hewitt tell you, it's too hot TO GO.
to the theater.
Jewett-Oh. come along: the play,
will be frost, anyway.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Not Too Much.

A woman likes to have her hus.
band treat her considerably. but not
so considerably that people will take
her for his second wife.-Puck.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

The coronation charity bazaars gave
wealthy Americans chance to see
society and at the same time to pay
a high price for the privilege.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Insult to Injury.

He (reproachfully)-Perhaps you
forget what happened yesterday.
was cut by my dearest acquaintance,
the one love best in all the world;
in fact
She (coolly)-The idea! Do you
really shave yourself?
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
No Wonder,

Church-What makes your neigh.
Dor so naughty to-day?
Gotham-Why, didn't you notice,
he was carrying home his own beef.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

Mary MacLane is writing another
heart romance, compared to which her
maiden effort will seem like a cold.
storage tamale
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

King Edward is getting so robust
that he may insist on Juggling a few
cannon balls while being crowned.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

II there be want of concord
among members of the same family.
other people will take advantage of
IL to injure them.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

II may not be according to rule
but King Edwards head will lie an.
easy until he wears q crown.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

Another Fourth of July victim is
dead. Our great national holiday
keeps gathering them in.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

The name of the new sultan of Fan.
zibar is Seyyid Aeei. His poet laur.
cate is up against a tough Job.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

An Ohio preacher has declined a
call to Boston. He probably has pc.
litical aspirations.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
How to JudQe.

Finnicus-You can't judge a man by
the clothes he wears.
Cynnicus-But you can by those his
wife wears.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

In spite of the growing use Of eX.
travagant expressions, talk still re.
mains cheap.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

II the king keeps on getting better
he should be at his best very soon.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21
Yesterday and To-Day

Yesterday, God'I day, spent
In holy thought, in calm content. ~
Amidst the ferns and grasses sweet; /"
Where. here and there about my feet,
found this little flower. H
I'd longcd for such day to be ~
When evry vine and bush and tree 80
Should don its robe of verdant hue:
Then | should gather. dear, for you, Il
This little purple flower
And Joy has passed away; ~
IT'S but a memory to-day
MY happiness to you lend, II
In that these violets / send
May brighten up h, n. w. II
As with all Joys their reign is short Il
No pleasure that hath e'er been sought: II
No happiness, however great
Did permanently sasiate- ~.
We're happy but an hour ~
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1902-08-21

Loving Wife-Darlng!
Suspicious Husband-Wcll, how
much?
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-10-11
FOR UNITED STATES SENATOR.

1t was a little unusual for the Demo-
Gratis of Clear Greek county, in conven-
ton assembled, to condemn the Repub-
1icans for endorsing Frank @. Goudy for
the United States senate. The Repub-
1icans in all parts of the state are coming
to the Goudy standard and that excellent
Coloradoan is today in the lead as sena-
toria1 candidate.
The Democrats had expected that it
would be another campaign between Tel
1er and Wolcott. They had hoped that
they might be able to use the old preju-
dice as blind. Now they turn tail and
condemn the Republicans for endorsing
Cloudy and claim that Senator Wolcott
has no standing with the national admin
istration.
1t may do no harm for these people to
keep their ears to the ground Senator
Wolcott may before many months have
passed be occupying place in the cabi-
net of the president at Washington.
Colorado will elect a man to the
United States senate who will also be a
friend of the administration and there
fore man who will be in a position to
accomplish something for the state he
represents. 1t begins to look as if that
man would be Frank G. Goudy, a man
who has more friends in all parties in
Colorado than perhaps any other man in
the state. 1t is trifie peculiar that the
Republicans should be condemned for
doing what our Democratic friends have
been saying should have been done for
the past six years.
The Democrats are hard to please
this fall. They realize the position in
which they have been placed. To use a
slang expression: 1.-THE jig is up with
them" They have fooled the people as
long as they can hope to and now it is
mighty hard for them to get back to
something earthly and definite again.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-10-11

statement that the smelter trust is do-
mating cash and working for the success
OF the Democratic state ticket and the
platform of Democracy in this county
would indicate that the statement was
the truth, even if it is unfortunate.
w. P. Ciough, the Republican candi-
date for representative, is a fighter on
this proposition and is mining man and
knows the harm that is being accom-
plished by the trust.
The Democrats will discover before
the campaign closes that the people of
Clear Creek county are opposed to the
smelter trust and they will also find that
declarations of the character made in
last Saturdays convention will not be
accepted as heartfelt or genuine in any
sense.
The Republican party in nearly every
mining district in the state has declared
against the trust that is throtling and
hindering the development of one of the
greatest resources of the state. 1t will
make its fight on this platform in Clear
Greek county and will win because the
people are not the friends of the trust
that has its hands upon the throat of
every mining man. The fusion legisla-
lures of the past have failed to accord
the people redress of grievance in this
regard. The Republicans will keep
their promise.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-10-11
"wIEN FUSION WAS IN FLOWER" I"

When Mr. Bryan was a Democrat
when he was theleaderof the Democratic
national organization that had declared
for the free and unlimited coinage of sill
ver-when he was fighting for that for
which the West declared itself what was
the political color of some of those who
are now Democrats:
Henry M. Teller-Silver Repu blican.
Thomas M. Populist.
John G. Bell-Populist.
John f. Shofroth-Silver Republican.
Now that Mr.. Bryan is politically no
more-now that the conventions of his
party are declaring against him-now
that David B. Hill or some gold standard
Democrat is practically an assured fact
of the future as presidential candidate
how do we find them:
Henry M. Teller-Democrat.
Thomas M. Patterson-Democrat
John G. Be1l-Democrat.
John +. acknowledgements.
This is little catechism that every
voter should learn. 1t shows the pecul-
lar condition of things political and the
peculiar elasticity of the Fusion con-
science.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-10-11
STATE TICKET Is SAFE.

The Democrats in Denver and over
the state do not hesitate to concede the
election of the Republican state ticket
but still claim the legislature on the
strength of the alleged magnetism of the
name of Senator Teller.
Mr.. Haggott, candidate for lieutenant
governor, was at home last Sunday and
states that there can be no question
whatever regarding results in the state
The sentiment against the government
of the past six or eight years is so strong
that Republican landslide is practically
certain.
Mr.. Haggott is making votes where
ever he goes in the state and is adding
strength to the ticket. Here in Clear
Greek county his vote will be large on
account of his having been so long and
so favorably known as good citizen and
in every sense gentleman. The abuse
and ridicule directed at him by the bou-
quet of cheap humorists in charge of the
opposition organ has also made him
scores of votes. The people, regardless
of party, know that he is a good citizen
and man whose character is above re-
proach or question.
Under such circumstances the plan
of ridicule adopted by the opposition
will make him scores and even hundreds
of votes that he would not have received
had not the personal attacks been made
upon him.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-10-11
AFRAID TO FACE 1T.

The recent Democratic county con-
vention was afraid to come right out and
face the music with a flat-footed, un-
equivoca1 declaration against the smelter
trust. 1t condemned the Republicans
for passing such resolution and then
took the very general and Understanding
stand that Democracy has always been
opposed to trusts.
The Republicans are making the