Middletown transcript., 1902-01-04
DELAwARE's FAME ABROAD

| 1ney are on the eve OIL FeindTkdUie
scientific discovery that will startle the
entire civilized world and set the medi-
cal fraternity guessing, or they are being
buncoed, and they don't hardly know
which. If the former they propose to
send the glad tidings broadcast, fill the
State with silent people and work the
transformation while you wait and turn
out some finished product that will out
rival Edison's famous talking machine
and make the lightning rod agent kick
himself with envy. If, on the other
hand, the good people are being buncoed
out of their birthright and their goods
and chatteIs, why the judge will do the
sentencing act and the whipping-post
will do the rest.
This wonderful twentieth century dis
covery, if it can be so called, is the result
of accident rather than hard study and
Experience. 1t seemed that in one of the
large cities of the peach State there has
been for some time deaf and dumb man
upon whom fortune never smiled, and,
when fortune knocked at his door, as
they say it always does once in life
time, why, the man was out and did not
hear the summons.
This man had been an object of charity
for a number of years and all kinds of
old clothing and religious tracts had been
coming his way. He had his regular
route and was pretty sure to bob up
serenely about so often.
For the past year or so various things
along the route have mysteriously disap-
peared. In other words have taken upon
themselves wings and have flown away.
At last suspicion pointed its finger toward
the siert man. After several bad breaks
in trying to prove an alibi he confessed
his manifold sins and wickedness and
promised on his slate never, no, never,
to do it again or at least not to get caught
doing it again.
So they reinstated him in their good
graces and the rummage sale donations
continued to come his way again without
skip or break. Things went as merry
as marriage bell for some little time.
Then something happened. Goods and
chattels disappeared as if by magic and
people slept with one eye open. The
hens were counted every night to make
sure they were all in, and about the only
thing a man was sure of was what he had
| on.
About this time somebody remembered
the deaf mans unsavory record in the
past and watched him. Lo, and behold,
it was not the "man with the hoe," but
the man with the slate who had fallen
| from grace and who was doing land
Office business with other peoples prop
erty.
After securing evidence enough to con-
vict ten men and boy they scooped
down upon him and found in his humble
dwelling enough goods and chattels to
start a department store. Vainly he
tried to account for them being in his
possession, but it was no 60. The good
people decided that no sheep could bite
them twice and live, and the man with a
slate was earnestly requested to call at
the judges office and hold seance with
his honor. So up he went and this time
his dumb eloquence did not save him.
The court read his tale of woe on the
slate, but their hearts were hard enough
to crack and the judge in contralto
voice sentenced him to the whipping
post The poor man wanted to arbitrate
and leave the matter out to a sub-com-
mittee of the whole, but this failed to
have its effect upon the ermine-robed
disciple of Blackstone and the original
sentence stood good.
The day was appointed and the poor
victim was remanded to Jail to await the
carrying out of the sentence. He wrote
and sent more letters than mail order
concern, but failed to touch the finty
heart of the Judge and time wore away
as it has habit of doing and the uncom-
,nunicative purloiner was lead up to the
post.
And right here the miracle was per-
formed. The gentleman who wields the
lash expressed sorrow at being obliged
to do SO. As duty was and he must do
it or lose his job he fused over the poor
victim for some time as he prepared him
for the sacrifice and everything was ready
except the man and down came the lash.
The poor man gave one prolonged groan
and yelled:
"Oh, don't hit me again. I never will
do it any more"
To say the executioner was surprised
would be putting it mild. He came near
falling dead from the effects of the shock.
1t was the first time he had ever heard a
dumb man speak. When he recovered
he was mad and sailed in and busted
that gentleman's jacket royalty.
And now the people down in Delaware
don't know whether it is best to build a
big sanitarium with whipping post at
tachlnent for the cure of the deaf and
dumb or not.
The cure was effectual and permanent
in his case as this walking testimonial
will asseverate, as he now talks like pet
parrot with no fear of a relapse. If the
good people decide to go into this thing
. in spirit of philanthropy we shall ex-
pect very soon to see the State over
crowded with silent people waiting to
take the cure. Possibly they may i'll the
near future get the business down fine
so they can administer it at a distance,
like the ''silent cure" which is so much
advertised; and when that happy time
comes many patient housewife, who
has been sitting up burning out the mid
night oil waiting for her legal lord to re-
, turn from his club, may find little Of
, e silent cure" very beneficial in in
ducing her lord of creation to articulate