The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-01-25


yours lovingly and happily,
CONNIE PRIEST"
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Eyes. we are going to call that little
dinner party a stag"
rs old Bender going to be there?"
Yes"
"Then you had better call it a stag
ger Chicago News.
According to statistics" said the
sweet girl graduate, women live about
,, ten years longer than men,
Yes growled the old bachelor; land
they might live fifty years longer If
they weren't so shy about passing the
thirty mark. Chicago News.
Johnnie said his mother, threaten
ingly, to the incorrigible, 81 am going
to have your father whip you when he
comes home tonight"
Please don't, mamma replied john
ME, penitently, paw is allus tired when
ne comes home. Boston Post.
John, when you came home last
night you talked and acted very queer
ly. You were lifting your feet and en-
deavoring to step over imaginary OBJ
stacles.'
oh! Yes. my dear All evening I
felt as if I were walking on clouds. You
remember we had angel cake for sup
per. '-Yonkers Statesman.
Mamma. does little black girls go to
hevun?'
Yes, dear" replied the mother. "of
course they do
Lulu was quiet for a time, then she
| said aloud but apparently to herself:
Goodness, they must be offul bizzy
keepln' their wings BACKED up!"-Ohio
State Journal.
Miss Church-But think it is dread
full for a minister to be a hereto.
ElVnD-Oh.
heresy is a clerical error.-Exchange.
Mrs. Growells-My husband is con-
tinually quarrelling about trifles.
Mrs. Howells-Well, my dear, the less
one has to quarrel about the better
Chicago News.
The vicar-Of course. Mrs. Browns
conduct would have passed unnoticed
in less exemplary community
The Lady-Which simply goes to
prove, vicar, that ito the pure all things
are impure. Life.
A visitor to a farm was especially
struck by the great ruggedness and
strength of one of the stalwart harvest
hands, and said to the farmer:
THAT fellow ought to be chuckful of
work"
He is" replied the farmer, 'or he
ought to be, because 1 hain't never been
able to get none out of him. Success.
First Little Girl-The doctor brought
us twins yesterday
Second Little Girl-ThatS where you
made a mistake. You should have had
a homeopath,-Life.
Cassidy-Phere are yez going in thot
new suit?
Casey-Orm going to ask old man
Flanagan for his daughters hand.
Casidy-Th' divil! Ut seems a pity to
ruin a new suit thot way-Puck.
ct think De Vets the greatest Boer of
them ALL
He appears to be even a greater
boor."
'sBoor? why?"
HE hasn't even enough politeness to
bow to the inevitable. Philadelphia
Press
1t is an excellent thing to have con-
Science, but it should not be allowed to
get beyond your control.-Puck.
rs that distinguished looking gentle
man man of letters?"
| Yes, he's a D. D.. LII, D., A. M, N.
A. from Washington, D. C.-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Mr.. Phoxy-Did you send the Borems
| a card for our musicale?
| Mrs. Phoxy-Yes; how could 1 get out
of it?
Mr. Phoxy-I'n tell Borem that jerks
is coming. Borem owes him money
| One of those bucolic poets has written
| on the theme when Cider Tastes the
| Best" l haven't read it, but I know
| when cider tastes the worst 1t is when
| it is labeled champagne and costs you
| So. so per quart.-Buffalo Express.
| Chemist (to poor woman)-You must
| take this medicine three times a day
| after meals.
Patient-But, sir. I seldom get meals
| these ard times
Chemist (pasing on to next cuStomer)
| Then take it before them.-The King.
rs your husband going to make any
| new resolutions this year?" asked the
| visitor.
II think not' answered the woman who
| had just been reminded that it would
| be necessary to economics; II am afraid
| he will have to content himself with last
years, made over."-Washingto STAR
care you the man who reminded me
| that Christmas comes but once a year %
said the person with q souriSh express
| sion.
ct am,' answered the philanthropist
"Well, / didn't thank you for the re-
minder then; but I do now There is
some satisfaction in knowing that it will
be twelve months before I've got to
| fight my way through one crowd after
another in order to get in debt-"-Wash-
ington Star.
"But you have such pretty and in
viting mouth he urged, in extenuation
of the theft of a kiss
''Well. that isn't my fault" she re-
torted.
mo; nor yet mine" he answered, $50
we can't do better than to blame it all