Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1902-07-24
BOTH WAGGISH AND WITTY.
Amusing Blunders of a Learned Eng
Iish Professor in nm English
College.

The amusing blunders many emf
nent men make are not always due to
ignorance. In fact, an %ignoramus would
not make them. They are often the re-
suit merely of the inability of the
articulator to keep pace with the
thought. Of this class of blunders two
men of similar name may be %instanced
Senator John C. Spooner, of Wiscon-
sin, and Prof. William Archibald Spoon
er, of Oxford university, and both are
guilty of some famous "Spoonerisms."
William Braddon, of New York, knows
the professor very well, says the Chi
cago Chronicle, and tells some funny
stories of that eccentric genius, whose
fame as ludicrous word twister has
spread all over Europe. When he gave
out in the chapel the first line of the
missionary hymn: "From Greenland's
lev Mountains" he contorted it thus:
From Iceland's greasy mountains"
Another hymn he announced as "Kink-
ering Gongs Their Titles Take" At a
special service, seeing some women
standing at the back of the church
waiting to be seated, he rushed down
the aisle and addressed the ushers as
follows: Gentlemen. gentlemen, sew
these ladies into their seats" Being
asked at dinner what fruit he would
have, he promptly replied: "Pigs,
fleas."
"Prof. Spooner, who has the re-
spect of all England, is apparently
quite unconscious of these remarkable
transpositions. This is the way in
which he proposed to his wife: Be
ing one afternoon at the home OF her
father, Bishop Harvey Goodwin, of
Carlisle, Mrs. Goodwin said: "Mr.
Spooner, will you please go out into
the garden and ask Miss Goodwin if
she will come in and make tea?" The
professor, on finding the young lady,
said: "Miss, Goodwin, your mother
told me to ask you if you would come
in and take me-"
An undergraduate was up before
Prof Spooner, the dean of his college,
for neglecting his studies, and con-
stantly being absent from lectures.
Regarding him sternly, the good man
said: young gentleman, do you real
ize that you are squandering your
parents money and imperiling your
future career? You have now tasted
two worms!" (wasted two terms).
Travelling up from Oxford to London
one day, the guard, who knew him well,
asked what luggage he had. ooh, two
rags and a bug" replied the profess
sor. On the occasion of the jubilee
celebration of Queen Victoria's six
tieth anniversary he conducted a spe-
cial thanksgiving service in his col
lege chapel. Impressively he said:
"My brethren, let us now pray for
our queer dean" Sometimes he twists
a text, as when he read: "Men are led
away by their own tusts and en-
Iced"
He is sometimes quite deaf and often
bashful. On one occasion he was neigh
Dor at dinner with a sprightly young
woman, who, finding it difficult to
reach a subject of common interest
on which to start a conversation,
thought she would try fruit, being in
spired by a dish of bananas before her
on the table. "Mr. %Spooner," said she,
edo you like bananas?" Blushing to
the roots of his hair, the good mar
responded: swell, my dear young lady,
as you have asked me the question, I
must confess that 7 prefer the old
fashioned nightshirt."