The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1902-08-31
A Little Formally Best.

Baltimore American.
In that clever book. The Letters of Eliz-
abeth." the girl writes to her mother that
every one at the great house where she is
visiting calls each other by his or her
Christian name, and then she comments:
Now you told me that this habit was vul-
gar, but really it must be a new fashion,
for smart people all. do it," or something
TO this effect.
In a way Elizabeth was right. and the
custom of formality is now often more
honored in the breach than in the perform
ance." But anyone of the past generation
viii tell a different story. for they well re-
member that the girls and men of that time
by no chance dropped the title OF Mr.. or
Miss. and no matter how we'll acquainted
they were, the gallantS of centennial days
invariably addressed their friends and even
their swecthearts as Miss Mary. Miss Kate.
Miss Mamie, as the case might be, using
the first name instead of the more formal
surname. Just like a servant" Say the
damSels of the present. Why, l am al
ways called Miss Brown by my formal
acquaintance and Katherine by my in
innate friendS-men or gtrlS-and the idea
of dignifying the chaps we know so well by
any other title than Jack or Bill, or what
ever name their sponsors once gave them!
Well, times and circumstances change,
and we must in a measure abide by them.
Two or three generations ago our grand
parents always addressed even their nus
bands and wives by the formal Mr." and
Mrs" which seemed very strange to our
age, who still firmly believed in the polite
says someone. the Miss Mary" business is
really a Southern habit, and the Northern
men were more formal. So they were, but
they rarely grew so familiar as to use the
first name alone. whereas the boys and
girls of the present would laugh at the very
idea of being so precise, for that custom
with the "sirs' and "Ma'ams" of the far
away past has gone out.
Yet. like all habits. there is a limit. and il
sounds very grating often to older members
of the family to hear some pert boy speak
ing of their young girl in so familiar a
fashion, and the custom is becoming ter
ribly abused. 1t makes people too intimate,
and when all fOrmality is done away with
the old saying. Familiarity breeds con-
tempt comes into play. Only the tactfui
and the well bred know just how far TO go
in these matters, and the practice of young
fellows speaking of their married friends
and the older women, as well as of the
girls, by their Christian names is simply
disgusting. No matter what they may call
them to their face, they certainly should
speak Of them as Mrs" or Miss, using
their surname only when talking of them
TO others.
Like the words women" and lady" so
often m~isused-true. the former has taken
the place OF the latter with the best people,
yet there are times and places when the
term lady must be used Always, when
one Is speaking TO an inferior or In a public
conveyance or place, the word lady
should be used. One would hardly say to
a conductor when collecting fares, Il am
paying for that woman over there" nor
should one say to a servant, I know a nice
woman who is looking for a cook" etc.
But why multiply examples? Those to the
manor born should know by instinct when
one name is right and the other wrong, and
yet Il Is appalling how ignorant some people
are about a matter of this kind.
One thing, however, should be borne in
mind by those who are trying for a better
position. and that IS that II Is foolish to
think that because so-called smart people
affect a style that II makes IL safe or right
for the strugglers TO follow too closely.