The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-07-09
CHAMP CLARK STORIES
RepresentativesNo Impress
ed by Senatorial Dignity

Like to Spin Yarns at the Expense Of
the Conscript Fathero-sone Choice
Examples Recalled - Senator Eaw-
ley Quectioncd by Two Little Girls.
Tilt Between Two Lawyers-Saved
the Constitution - Why Heard
Would Not Vote to Raise Salaries.
Copyright, 1902. by Champ Clark
AS naturally as a duck takes to wa
ter representatives fall into the habit
of spinning yarns about senators, espe
cially about the great dignity Of bear
ing Of the conscript fathers.
Lsndis' Anecdotc About Hawlcy.
In January, 1901, when there were
so many deadlocks IN state legisla atures
in the endeavor to elect senator's Of
the United States. Charley Landis of
Indiana told me this: Some time ago
two little girls were strolling through
the capitol to see the sights. Finally
they reached the big doors Of the sen
ate chamber and started to go in. but
one Of the assistant doorNeepers stop
ped them. Still they fingered near till
that particular doorkceper vacated his
post. About that time General Joseph
+. Hawlcy, senator from Connecticut,
came through the big doors out of the
senate chamber and happened to stop
near the doorkccper's chair to light a
~ NIo r;,1e t111 ,i,,,n nd
attracted by his kindly face, sided
up to him, and one of them astoniShed
him by asking, Mister, how much
does it cost to get into the senate""
Judge Fuckers Story.
Hon. ". w. Rucker Of Missouri, who
was for many years Il nisi prius judge,
thus describes a tilt which took place
between two lawyers in his court:
"The defendants counsel asked leave
to file an answer in vacation, to which
the plaintiffs counsel objected, and the
court ordered the answer filed at once.
The attorney for the defendant insist
ed that he could not file his answer in
stanter. as his client resided some ten
miles away, and he (the attorney had
forgotten the exact facts he wished to
set up in his pleading, and he appealed
to opposing counsel to agree to extend
the time for him to plead. This was
refused. With agony depicted in his
face, he again pleaded with the court,
saying: Plaintiffs counsel requires an
impossibility Of me. He insists that
file my answer today. lie might as
we'll ask me to make Il 5-ycar-old mule
in q minute. 1t can't be DONE"
Humcr in Brief.
If the average citizen were asked to
name the sort of document least like
ly to contain even q trace of humOr,
he would hesitate between a lawyers
brief and q funeral Grafton. Yet all
briefs are not rs dry as powder mag
azine. In his brief in the st. Louis
court Of appeals in the case Of the es-
tate of Susan L. Houston versus the
estate Of John A, Thompson. which
has been in litigation since 1881, ex-
Senator Houston W. Johnson. an emf
ncnt Missouri lawyer, thus exercises
his humorous faculty:
'Without intending the least diSre
spect to old age. an object always Of
the highest vencration, we beg pardon
for a slight reference to the antiquat-
cd or musty condition of the plaintiffs
cause of action. 1t bears on it's face
the marks Of time, striking reflex Of
advanced years and unmistakable evi-
dcnce of a ripe old age. 1t has seen
the frosts Of many Dccembers. 1t is
aged and gray. 1t has enjoyed long,
silent and undisturbcd repose, scarcely
surpassed by that of the immortal Rip
Van Winkle 1t is an old settler-that
is, it waits till old age to settle. At
the time of it's birth the sponsors,
Susan and John. were yet in the hey
day and sush of youth, with vigor-
GUS maturity budding and blossomins
upon their faces. Yet Notwithstanding
they both lived out tie time allotted
by divine writ to mortal man and have
been gathered to their fathers. their
mouths closed in death and their poor.
lisping. stammering tongues lie silent
in the grave. the plaintiffs cause Of
action appears to survive and seems
to say in the last words Of the in-
mortal Webster, 1 still live and aft
er az uninterrupted and unbroken rest
reaching up TO within few weeks OF
months Of the time allotted to it by
mortal man to live, and after all its
contemporaries have gone to that
bolrn from Whence no traveller has
ever returned. a new generation upon
the scene Of action seeks to accomplish
that which in its infancy. its youth, its
middle age, It failed to do.
The propriety of the conduct Of
those who have aroused this antiquat-
ed sleeper which has been permitted to
repose until life was almost extinct
may be reasonably questioned by all
fair minded, disintercstcd persons ac-
Quainted with the case. from which
the conclusion is inevitable that it
would have been better to have left it
to the sleep that knows no waking.