Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-01-25
-Sssess,:~ ~,GsWa
R5
~ >7 Ss<.>s~

uy CuSlOu.
PA, what is pre-glacial man?"
'Why, man before he had to pay ice
bills, Of course"
Miss White, l believer "No, am
Miss Green" "Oh. pawdon me! I'm
color blind y'know."
Church-What is the principal musi-
cal instrument in China-the Tyre?
Gotham-No; believe it is the loot.
LET me but own the EARTH" said the
ffnancier, with characteristic bravado.
"and care not who writes the peoples
songsr'
Teacher-What is synonym?
Bright Boy-It's a word you use in
place of another one when you don't
know how to spell the other one.
Grandpa's birthday: MANY happy
returns Of the day, grandpa; and man.
ma says if you give us each fifty cents
we mustn't lose it."-Harlem Life.
Mother is always telling me not to
bolt my food" said a small boy, land
now she has gone and bolted the cup
board that has got all the victuals."
The Artist-And, then, have you given
sufficient attention to the techniqueF
Prospective er-Well-er-per-
haps not. l was thinking of the price!
Ocular Demonstration: Mrs. Decol-
lete, over there, puts every cent her
husband makes on her back" He's
making very little, then."-Philadel-
phia Press.
Mr.. Botts-I think, my dear, have at
last found the key to success. Mrs.
Botts-Well, just as like as not you'll
not be able to find the keyhole.-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Proud of the Boy: Doctor-'Pears to
me laik de boy dun got acute indeCe-
shun. Aunt Lucy Smiling through her
tears)-Dat's' it, doctah! Dat boy, sick
er well, dun eb'ryting cute.-Judge.
Prostrated: First Fly-Come quick,
mother! Sister has been drinking some
Of that poison they tried to fool us
with. Second Fly-Oh! Where is she?
First Fly-She's on the ceiling in
dead faint.-Life.
The Important Question: Mrs. Dash
leigh-Do you believe it is possible, as
Mrs. Roosevelt says, for a woman to
dress on three hundred dollars a year?
Mrs Kafiippe-It may be possible, but
what's the use.-Exchange
Drain on the Empire: '1f the war
continues" groaned the British peer,
1--WE shall run out of metal" For max
ing guns for the menu" asked the
friend "No; for making medals for
the officers. "-Chicago News
DIR. A-Why do you always make
such particular inquiries as to what
your patients eat? Does that assist you
in your diagnosis? DR.. B.-Not much;
but it enables me to ascertain their So
ciaI position and arrange my fees &C
cordingly.-Tit-Bits.
The lesson had been about the prodi-
gal son, and the entire Sunday school
had been properly impressed. The SUI
perintendent asked: 'Now, my little
friends, who stood by, objecting to this
proposed banquet to the prodigal"
And a voice in a far corner answered,
The calf"
Pure Accident: Flanagan-Hivins!
man, phwat's the matther wild yer
face? Hanagan-Faith, twas an acct
dent. Tn ould woman throwed a plate
at me. Flanagan-An dye call that an
accident? Hanagan-Av coorse! Didn't
she hit plat she aimed at?-Philadel-
phia Press.
Father" he said, do you think l
would be justified in getting married
on an income Of SIS per week?' Papa
Why, you young profigate, you never
earned a penny in your life. Son-No,
but l can marry that handsome type
writer girl that works for you.-Balti-
more World.
His Mission: cit is your aim, of
course" said his intimate friend, "to
make people think" NO." replied the
popular lecturer, in a burst Of conf
dence, "my business is to make people
think they think-or, rather, to make
them think l think they think.
cago Tribune.
''No," said the stubborn citizen, II
never confess that l am in the wrong"
"Why mott? There is no use Of it. Ii
a man makes a mistake in this life there
are thousands of people ready to take
hold and advertise it, without his lift
ing his voice to swell the clamor."-
Washington Star.
You know, John, you promised me
seal-skin wrap. and" ''And you
promised to keep my stockings darned
and you haven't done it," well, you
don't mean to say you'll break your
promise on that account?" "Well, it's
just like this: you don't give a darn
and don't give a wrap"
City Magistrate-Of course l don't
wish to stand in the way Of my daugh-
ter's happiness, but l know so little OF
YOU, Mr.. Hawkins. What is your Vo-
cation? Mr.. Hawkins (airily)-Oh,
write-er-poetry, novels-er-plays,
and that sort of thing. City Magistrate