The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08
HuMoa OF THE DAY.

HUMoR OF THE DAY.
 Some of the people who talk % much are merely trying to keep the world IroH finding out that they have httie to say.- Exchange.
 Sabbath School Teachsr--when very angry what should you dcy low down. sit on his head, and then count 10o-thats the only safe way. ma am.- Judge.
 He'd formed the purpose dire
 His wistol. though. missed fire.
 Philadelphia Press. American MiIlionaire--I was rather struck with that young Lord De Broke I think I shall let Evadne marry him
 Mrs. Millionaire (doubtfully)-Hm m! Did he ask how much money you had!
 No: he asked me how I got 1t. '.Papa, what is a diplomatist?"
 Any man. my son, whose wife respec's him. Life.
 ..They say she has been very successful in her married life"
 "Yes. It has been nothing put a s snc. cession of honeymoons -Detro" rree Press.
 what was that awful row at the club
 sDreadful. wasn't 1t? They were dis putting as to whether vellum ping pong rackets were better than wooden ones, and some of them kept right on isntins in the ambulance on their way 10 the hospital. .'-Cieyeland Plain Dealer.
 
 Papa, what is an optimist?'
 Any man. my son. who has 5ust suc- ceeded in getting the best of his neisn- bor. Life.
 A proud terrapin was strolling on the shore of the bay the other afternoon, when he met COW. q,
 Get out of my way. foolish terrapin, ordered the conceited COW.
 ..Chase yourself" suggested the terra pin. You may he pretty big. put bring 8 plate. and am hard to get. at that"
 ..Indeed?" asked the COW. You should read the papers. Did you not know that the beef trust has arranged things so that am the centre of Lat vo can a ree is a back seat at a free lunch counter
 This teaches us that our appetite runs up and down with the price iist.-Baiti- more American.
 Jasper-what makes Jirnson so sour?
 Ju.rpuppe-IIe once had a success he did not merit. and ever since he has been expecting things he does not deserve.- Life.
 The wise man Is recognized by his ina bility to explain everything.-Life. One day last autumn Bonnet Burlelgh the noted English special war correspond ent. was encountered a few miles outside Pretoria by that volcanic rhetorican, General Tucker.
 What ,s the, ,hins aTe you aspea sUsSs 9he the General. pointing to kodak which was slung around his shoulders.
 well, sir" promptly replied MT. Bur leigh, 'I was intending to take some photographs; but had I known that was to have the pleasure of meeting you I should have brought out phonograph." :"
 At this audacity, 1t is said that even General Fuckers stock of sulphurous ad- jectives ran low.--Argonaut.
 Collector-Can't you give me any en- couraagement at all about this old ac-
 Mir. Go-Easy-why. yes. of course; I viii pay you as soon as I pay anybody Detroit Free Press. Ss
 The clergyman of a church, on leaving his vestry, saw little girl, friend of his. talking to stranger.
 What was that man saying to you. Madge?' asked the parson. as he came up to the little girl.
 soh, he just wanted to know If MT. C.. was the vicar of this church" And what did you tell him." "I told him." she said, with dignity. "that you were the present encumb- rance. e.'-Tit- Bits. wiseunn-Honestly. now, did you learn anything vital while you were in college Graduate-Um-m, well, l learned how to state my ignorance in scientific terms. Life.
 He--I suposes before seeing one of these plays, one should read the book. She-Yes. Then, in some cases. one might avoid the play.-Puck. "Yes. Miss Bilkins has really written tale with the genuine New England atmosphere" Whats that?' .. .,.... Oh about nine-tenths old maid. and the rest made up of equal parts or cul- ture. pie and Browning. "-Lfe. Bridget and Pat were sitting in an arm chair reading an article on ''The Law of Compensation
 Just fancy" exclaimed Bridget. "aa- cordin' to this, whin mon loses wan av his sinses another gifts more developed. For instance blond mon gifts more since av hearin'. an touch. an
 "Shure. an it's quite thrue.' answered Pat. ''Oi've noticed 1t meself. Whin a mon has wan leg shorter than the other begorra the others longer. r."-Philadelphia Times.
 Read Goetter's Shoe Ad on Page 12 today's Advertiser.
 ITEMS OF INTEREST.