The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1902-01-12
FUN OF THE WORLD.

Douglas Je-r0ld. the English wit, vas
once sitting with George Henry Lewes
and q poet named Heraud. who was some
thing Of bore and & good deal laughed
ar I.ewes asked Jerroid: Have yoa
ever seen Heraud's Descent Into Heilg'
No. but should ike To-. tersely replied
the Wit.
gss
Lord Coleridge was driving toward
his court one morning in his brcUsham.
when an accident happened 10 il at
Grosvenor sQuare-A Fearing he wcuid
be belsJed. he called a cab from the
street rank, and bade the ieha drive him
as rapidly as possible TO the courts OF
justice And where be they What.
\ London cahby and don't know where
the law courts are at old Temple Bar
oh. the law courts. is it But you
said courts OF justice
< < <
4 story is told OF man who went 20
see a doctor. The doctor examined him
carefully. add. with a grave face. told
MIN that he was very ill., aud asked II
ne had consulted any ore else. oh
said the man. 4 went 10 see a druggist
and asked his advice and he
Druggist the doctor broke in angriiy
What was the good OF that? The best
thai you can do when a druggist gives
you a bit OF advice is 20 do exactly the
opposite
And he" the patient continued. "ad-
vised me 20 come 10 YOU
< <
IN the court house an Irishulan stood
charged with stealing watch from a
fellow-citizen. He stoutly denied ths
Impeachment. and brought q counter ac-
cusation against his accuser for assault
and battery committed with a frying
ran. The judge was Inclined to take
a common-senss view OF the case. and.
regarding the prisoner. said:
why did You allow the prosecutor.
who is a small man than yourself 10
assault you without resistance Had you
nothing IT. your hand 10 defend yourself
with?''
"Bedad, your Honor" said Pat. 7 had
his watch. but what was that against
frying-pan2"
"a 8s
There is a popular army chaplain about
whom Mr.. Winston Churchill tells an ex-
ceIlent story. This chaplain quarrened
with the captain OF a ship on the way %
South Africa because the captain refused
To let him hold a service in the saloon.
The captain regarded himself as the
priest of his own ship. Mr.. Churchill
found the chaplain tramping the deck in
anger. And what did you say 20 HIM"
asked Mr.. Churchill synpatheticclly
when he had heard the story. "Oh.
said nothing IT ALL" answered the chap
lain with a splendid show Of self. COM
mand hut ! may tell YOU that any ether
clergyman in the Church of Eugiand
would have told him 10 go to"
x x x <
A man was once condemned, in A.
ghanlstan to have his ears sliced OF as
a minor punishment, He had a powerful
friend. however. who was much attached
to him. This friend begged the late
ameer. in duly submissive tones. to allow
him 10 perform the operation. a favor
which was granted. However. the anna
teur begged the Ameer TO show him what
portion OF each ear he wished 70 be re-
moved. The aueer accordingly touched
them lightly. Whereupon the ingenious
and coura geous - person proceeded 70
quote a passage IN the Koran which said
that anything touched by the representa-
tive Of the Almighty became sacred. The
despot smiled grimly and forgave them
both.
ggy
The present King OF italy has a sharp
tongue. which he IS not slow to use ~
he thinks tho occasion demands IL. Not
long ago he was bewailing the fact that
IL was aimcst Impossible for him 70
know the real sentiments Of his people
towards him.
THAT" said one OF the courtiers. obss-
would be easy II YOUR majesty
would disguise himself as student. and
isit the cafes and gathering places Of
the populace. That is What Peter the
Great did"
Il know" replied the King. but ap-
parently you forgot that Peter the Great
used 70 hang all those whom he over +
na-o ~ er,ea king al Of him Don .-oss .
hiEk that you had better choose another +
sxample?'
Robert Ingersoil used 70 be fond of (
telling how, when ne first came 70 .
from the west. he once en- /
,ountered in one the corridors OF the .
.apitol an old negro woman vigorously
.crubbing the floor when she heard some /
me coming. and. when the footsteps died f
way. busily reading her Bible. He
clipped up on her very quietly one morn
ng, and taking her by surprise with her
precious book, said. ''Mary do you be-
ieve all you read there?' Il sutanly
To-" she replied. "ebery word. Colonel /
ngersoil." DO YOU believe that God
made man out Of DUST" I'm cease T
iOes." Say. & happened 70 rain hard
bout that time and the dust was gone
here was nothing but mud?" To which
ne old nanny retorted: Den de good
avid moved enough 10 make dem law
'ers and infidels. Mr.. Ingersoll."
z x < K
One OF the campaign stories tia. float
4 around the -loakrocm related 70 Sen
tor Fairbanks Of Indiana and Gov. Shaw
Z Iowa. According 10 this story, these
NO Republican orators were stumplng
q Kentucky
After successful meeting the Kentucky
olonel. who had the Republican states
zen T. charge. invited them into tho
oteI barroom for some refrcshments.
"Whatn you haver'' he asked Senator
fairbanks.
a little cold Apolliuarss." was the
Ard your said the host n Gov. shaw.
Il think III have q glass OF butter
nix
The barkeeper turned 70 ths Ksntucls-
IT. ''What shall I give YOU ColoneI7'
. asked.
The Kentucky gentleman heavinR a .
ing sigh Under tire circumstance. J
e said. Il think ycu can give me a piece 4
Z pie"
A Milwaukee divine tells this story On !
inrseifs
In q celebrated eastern theological rem
'srv u s. o. was the practice u the !
lcuIfv % require tho stn1entr % take s
ircs in delivering sermons. a Csst1rn. by &
le wav. 20 which. - rule. ira y0gog Z
splrarts FOR eccIeslzsficzf hcrora 5id rot 3
Ike kindly.
Among thoze who attended rs scfooI
as a vcurz mar who now occupies . ;
,e rgirlt ~ wei k-1su 2fethe1ist .
l1rcA On ire Fast SIDE pbo. hewcvs-- )
.rne1 ~ exception q tfs rule 1b8ve /,
ratianeI
Ia me course q that tine Sc cane ffs :
I'm O. ra@sk He prepares h-s dlre- +