The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1902-01-17

lie fei kerplnnk down on the ice
And cracked it far and wide:
And bruised himself from head to foot
Until he nearly died.
We carried him into the house,
And laid him on his bed,
PLEASE SEN fur good OF Dr.. Brown
My father family said.
The doctor came with pills and squalls,
And looked both great and wise;
And said my fathers case was one
or too much exercise.
PA saw million stars, I guess,
A;:d likewise saw his err:
He let us put those skates away
Without the least demur.
They hang up in the attic now,
Abandoned to their fate:
And never since that fatal day
ltAs father tried to skate.
Joe Cone in New YORK Sun.
NJ. f. Ingalls,. the railroad magnate Of
til" middle West, whose interests are
more or less allied with the Vanderbilt
system, maintains an ante-room where
callers are required to state their er-
ran}:*,, says the New York Times. Not
long since, however, one individual swept
the entire arrangement aside 10y stalking
past the outer secretary with all air of
authority which diSarmed them. He
bnldly pushed open the door to the sane
1nm and entered. Taken by surprise,
Mr.. ingalls, looked up and beheld a tall,
hr"nzcd parsonage, bearing every mark
mcnt with an mquiring eye. The new
confer demanded sharply:
is Ingalls, here!"
II am Ingalls, returned the magnatc.
larnnically.
The stranger strobe to the desk and
threw down an envelope.
Letter for YOU" he said CURLY.
Mr. InrDlls read if and frOwnn1
DO you know what is i'll this letter:"
ne demanded.
Yep The station agent in my town
said il Ia fetch that to you Id git Il
job
Indeed! DO YOU no, think it would
he more becoming i'll you an applicant
for employment III least to knock at the
door before entering and remove your
hat while in the Office? And, further,
would it not be more Seemy i'll You to
inquire for Mister Ingalls, rather than
for lngalls?'
Beneath this meritrd rebukc the man
moved not IL muscle.
Olive me the letter." said he, Soberly.
Mr. ingalls, promptly handed over the
letter. and his visitor went out, closing
the door behind him without word.
While the clerks were still grinning over
the incident there was Il timid knock at
the door. The door was opened. There
with an obsequious bow. carefully wiped
his feet, removed his hat and meek1y
asked:
lis Mr.. Ingalls, here?'
The magnate heamed. All my young
friend" said h> -sraciously, that is bet
ter; What can l do for ,you?, ~
The countryman drew himself up with
yelled. DO for me? You can go to
thunder, you little .>bald headed duffer,
that's what you kin do for me!"'
And he withdrew, Samming the door
behind him.
whats de matter wifi NIiStuh 'RaSt,ls
Tinkly" inquired one of the bellies OF the
l'arlor social.
lie has IL heap o trouble answered!
the other. Did you eber hyuh bout dc
yenman in dc school book dat WA:
Stahvin' wifi victuals in sight
"YaSsindeed.'
wen. dat's lie position Mistah 'Ras-
t,S is in. He's been 'p'inted janitor to Il
poultry show. '-Washington Star.
How do YOU do, Sir Charles? / think
! had the honor OF meeting You with
Loru--'
What do You want?''
We'll. Sir Charles, ! have cndcavored
to state in my letter.
Yes. have your letter, and you
write Il very Slovenly hand
The fact is. Sir Charles, l wrote that
letter in Il hurry in your waiting room.'
Not at all. not at all. You had plen-
ty of time to write, legible note. no,
you are. careless. Go on"
We'll, Sir Charles, vacancy has oc
And YOU are very untidy in Your APP
pearance.''
We'll. I WAS travelling I'll night.
Nonsense: You had plenty OF time to
make your self tidy. No; you are nat
nrally careless about your appearance.
Go on"
We'll; Sir Charles. this vacancy has
occurred in
And you are very fat
We'll, Sir Charles, that is hereditary.
/ am afraid. My father was very
Not at all. I knew your father we'll.
He wasn't fat. It's laziness.
Nevertheless. tbs visitor got the job. he
Russell OF Kilowen.'
Il am afraid" said the publisher. that
Indifferent work you are putting into this
new serial"
"\onsense,' answered the self-assured
author. "Even it the work is unusually
poor, the public will take it for granted
that l am great. Otherwise l couldn't
get such stuff published" ashingto.
Star.
In England an officer is court martialed
for being drunk: and everybody will
rrcollect the story Of the young officer
who was accused of this crime and
was very nearly got off by his servant.
The servant, who was an Irishman, was
asked by the court whether his master
WAS sober on the night when he was
stated ID have been drunk.
Yes, sir. the servant replied, ''hc was
quite sober.
How do YOU know he was sober?'
Because he asked me to call him
early"
This was a convincing answer. But
one OF the officers of the court-martial
remembering chat there was an early
parade on tn! following morning, asked
the servant what reason his master gave
for wishing t., be called early Without
moments hesitation tine servant re-
piled:
He said he was the Queen of the
May, SIR
That, Of course. concluded the CASE
The Candid Friend.