The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1902-12-05
Nood River 6lacier
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 5, 1902.
The rakIr,s Fair.


Last week there was a Fakir's fair
come into the town troopin' and every
time the music played the crowd SCI up
a whoopin'. 1t was too fine for anything
10 see them all paradin' with things to
eat and things to wear the most OF them
we're laden. The march was led by
Major Booth, then came the band 9
drumming; the way the leader stepped
the air, would set your brain hum
ming. He flourished high a baton stick
striped like a stick of candy, with dang
ling ribbons red and white - that fell
low was dandy. His goatee was the
cutest thing, just like Billy goatle !;
His pantaloons the latest cut. so were
his hair and coatie. The way he opened
his bazoo was enough to please a mon
key; and il the players made mistakes
he'd stamp and get most spunky. l
guess he came from Germany, his tongue
was awful broken; "Drum Major" was
the swellest chap, laying aside all jokin'
| wish YOU could have seen the dude
that was the snare drum beater; his
walk was like a kangaroos only his gait
was fleeter. He must have been OF
Spain descent, outlandish was his dres-
sing red hoses and high water pants,
style OF coat amt guessing. lie held
his drum so careless like, graceful as a
chimpanzee; he thought he was the
whole big band, the only "It' and
stanzie. They-had all kinds OF horn
pipe flutes and when some was a
playing 30 Yankee Doodle keep it up,
some blowed like mules a braying. 1t
was freaky, flim-ham band, all 'cept
the handsome blowers; and they were
dressed to beat the band; they were a
band of roarers.
Well, declare, those squaws beat all !!
They didn't look like fakin, with braid
ed hair and painted cheeks and skin
the shade OF bacon. One was a slender,
modest maid and said ''halo" so sweetly;
the other was a siwash belle, trigged up
SO fine and neatly. One wore shawl
of red and blue squared off like boards
for checkers; the other wore blanket
rig, gay stripes wove double deckers.
They had bandanas ON their heads, as
red as scarlet cherries brass bracelets,
rings and gew-gaw beads as big as ripe
gooseberries. They carried baskets
round to sell, of fancy dye and weaving;
twas hard to think they were a fake,
their looks were SO deceiving.
"Well, do think to man." says |,
when first | sped the peddler; his form
would make brewery smile, his nose
make glad meddler. He tried to jew
me up to buy busting cap Of yellow ;
said for babes skirt it might do, the
ignoramus fellow. What do you think
he tried to sell? The buttons off his
breeches and if | had insisted like ]
guess he'd sold the stitches 1t would
have took bankers purse to buy what
he was selling-"All wool and yard
wide, "he'd vow, the biggest fib a telling.
thought I'd bust laughing sure
when Dock came past prom nading; he
might have tended Noah's kith, so an
cient his masquerading. Frizzed were
his flaken golden locks hanging down
his shoulder; there never was a smarter
quack, nor one who could sell bolder.
He had satchel crammed with stuff
to knock microbes kiting; what allied
you in year he'd guess-had p'izen fol
fleas biting. He wore an ample shining
plug, broadcloth coat cut swaller
he'd hold bottle up to view and smil
ing, loudly holler, "Come right this
way if an i'll is troubling your digestion
I'll warrant this to kill or cure, which
you may prove by testing"
The popcorn gals were just too sweet
There couldn't nothing beat them; the
way the boys devoured their corn you'G
thought they'd like to eat them. They
looked like trim red rosy buds upon one
stem blooming; they were the real
thing to be sure, chirk, spry and unas.
suming. They both had eyes of star
lit CLEAN and nutbrown tresses flowing
like pearls between red coral reefs, their
white teeth were a showing. Their jew
els well, do declare, the Inca's wasn't
in it; fPlease buy some popcorn" they
did chrp, as sweet as any linnet. Their
dresses, short, was thin red stuff, feet
shod in high heeled slippers; there was
nothing slow about them, they were the
gayest trippers.
Tomale gal most took my breath for
being plump and purity; her lace man.
tila was catch, Just ''fetchin'," but
not frty. Her white kid slippers! my,
were fine, with silver buckles shining
she wore silk, swell striped waist, beads
round her neck were twining. Poor dear,
she was so bashful like, she'd cast her
eyes down blushing ;she was as taking as
her wares, 60 buy folks came q rushing
guess she was from Spain all right
the home of hot tomales; for adios she
said so plain, she made gem OF follies.
There was a poor old woman, blind,
my heart for her was bleeding, she had
a basket on her arm, for you to buy,
kept pleading. She wore blue goggles
on her eyes, a cane in front kept swing
ing; her garments looked like scarecrow
duds upon dummy clinging. But ii
amt clothes that makes the folks, she
had lady's bearing; and all the rags
could not disguise the pride she was
a sharing. She said she had seen better
days, when she was young and sprightly
but now that she was old and blind,
hard lines had bound her tightly.
The lass with flowers was like bed OF
blooming, blushing posies; she had her
apron full of them, and round her neck
hung roses. She made a "pitcher" fair to
see, Just like blue field-daisy; the
boys all bought button hole, nor cared
hau lIeg Dctu sidAls bilC NOI6 sONH
of sapphire blue, hat that kept a flop
ping, all trimmed round with flowers
and leaves, | tell you it was whopping.
They had fortune telling queen, who
kept the dear gals signing; the boys
were just as anxious, too, and futures
kept buying. heard her tell a fair
young miss-and one know amt tickle,
three husbands she was going to wed,
all for a silver nickel. She wore long
Shakespearian cape with hood that act
ed tipsy; it run up to a pointed peak
she must have been a gypsy.
One poor creature was deaf and dumb,
she couldn't speak or mutter; thought
she'd twist her head off once trying SO
hard to sputter The way she'd make
her fingers fly would whirl a wind mill
silly; she gazed at me so solemn like, !
felt my soul turn chilly. l never can
describe her frock, it must have been
Ewes making; antediluvian style, be-
fore folks took to taking. She had a
letter read like this: "Good pepal am
kneady, an awful down in mouth an
luck, an my ole cloes is seady. Watts