The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-12-19

" Neither was he q prominent
church member Perhaps il
was for this reason that the directors
Of the First National Bank OF Man.
ningtOn, n. j., had more implicit CON
fldence in him than il Is customary to
place In cashiers Of such institutions.
Nichols's glance was keen. Ills
speech was blunt His voice dwelt IN
the cellar Directors like such men and
Nichols knew II.
All work and no play Is a reprchen-
hours Nichols was a sOciOlogist. He
was a modest man and did not brag
about his accomplishments. His spe-
cial line OF thought was the Tendcrloin
by night-a fascinating study. Nichols
learned TO call the wardmcn the
bOuncers and the violent scented ones
Of that interesting section by their pet
names-an expensive education. In
return they called him by name, but
not by the name of Nichols. He was
very modest man I'm all matters con
nected with his intellectual pursuits.
Now, If bank cashier gets $1,000 n
year and frequently loses as much in
a week working out the philosophy OF
faro Simply in the interests Of sociOl-
ogy) the situation becomes complex.
Not that Nichols really lost these
amounts. He merely dropped them.
Later he confidently expected TO pick
them up again. This acquired addi-
ftaI Of 81,
AS matter of statistical fact, the
faculty OF picking up amounts so lost
is only given TO graduates cum laude.
After year or two OF study, and
when still in the sophomore class, so
TO speak, Nichols began to have
qualms His glance lost some OF its
keenness. His speech missed part OF
It's bluntness. His voice at times went
up to the second story.
What the deuce" he reflected night
and day. "a man may throw n blum
as big as a mountain, but he cannot
hide a shortage of 100000 all his
life"
In his dreams he began to see the
hlppopotamus smiling
In his working hours he began TO
hear the hyena making dcrisive noises.
Nichols didn't like It, 1t will he I'M
dcrstood that he was n sociologist pure
and simple. Zoology being forced upon
his attention naturally irrltated him.
In n word Nichols had his hands full.
His only relief was that the directors
continued the specially of Rip Van
Wrinkle But even this could not last
forever The directors began to come
around smiling. Snin, sniff. snifr. as
that rat we smell?" they asked each
other anxiously. They decided upon
thorough examination Of the books TO
see II any OdOriferous rodent lurkcd
therein.
II may he set down rs maxim that
when a board Of directors suddenly ac-
quires set of olractory nerves, they
will generally find n highly scented
condition of affairs in the state Of
Denmark.
Simmons completes the cast. Sim
mons was broad minded man, and
closing hours failed to limit him. His
business was the amelioration of
thirst. and thirst is not a railroad train
TO be run on a time table. Especially
is this true Of a Third avenue thirst.
Moreover his knowledge of the phe-
nomena OF thirst was not based en-
tlrely upon hcarsay evidence. Sim
mons frequently had thirst himself.
Third avenue envied Simmons. The
Joint owner of n corner saloon and
thirst Could earth offer more they
wondered
Simmons's thirst arose from reflec-
ton. Continued reelection nccessitates
occasional beer and beer begets philos.
ophy. He liked TO contemplate human
experience. as reflected in the amber
brew. and when the spirit OF phloso-
ply descended upon him. even as ma
ture abhors vacuum. so did Simmons
abhor IN empty beer mug.
Sometimes after prolonged philoSoph-
ical reflection Simmons would speak
entertainingly regarding electricians.
In moments OF supreme elevation he
asked nothing better than to meet all
living electricians. one 10y one. man 10
man. brass knuckles allowed and a
bung starter for gaff
In periods of profound depression he
bitterly invelghcd against the manner
in which they had taken the bread out
OF the mouths of honest men.
Every certain safe worth cracking
has an alarm wire" he would remark.
Every certain wire rings bell some.
where. An honest man can't tell when
he has started the thing ringing. Hen
have his safe open and be taking out
the stun. First thing he knows he is
looking up at a gun in the hands OF a
certain person. who laughs like an
ass and says: You gave the alarm
yourself"
From the above quoted remarks Il
must not he hastily gathered that Sim
mons's discourse was mOnotonous in
its adiectives. On the contrary be was
man OF striking and even burning
speech. and was as innocent OF re-
dundancy as the most learned profcs-
sor who ever babbled about rhetoric
to classcas OF bored young gentlemen
whose tastes ran more TO football and
the proper coloratlon Of mecrchaum
pipes.
Nichols cleared his throat and sound
ed his lowest register.