The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-03-08
ON A YOUNG MAN WHO rs HARD TO
PLEASE.

11~AtAS W1lC, Ills uISL ODl6CL Is nat
urally to find one who is so very much
better than he is himself that she will
be TT to associate with him. Hence
Benedick Bachelor, Esq, now of the
West End, but lately of Harvard, is
very hard to please. Zone woman is
fair he said to me recently, "yet
am well another is wise, yet am I
well another is virtuous, yet am l
well yet, till all graces shall not
come into my graces. Rich she shall
be- that's certain {; wise or TIL none !;
virtuous, or I'll never cheaper her !;
fair, or I'll never look on her; mild,
or come not near me; noble, or not I
fo5 an angel; of good discourse. an
excellent musician and her hair shall
be what color it please God"
my dear Benedick," / said to
him, "the kind of wife you deserve
is one who will go to the Browning
club and leave you to rock the baby !;
but the Kind you need is one who will
stay at home and pretend to be asleep
when you come in at IL. 80 P. M. from
the clubs you have joined under the
impression that man who belongs to
clubs enough knows the world"
I In response to which Benedick
lighted fresh cigarette and arched
his intellectual brows in way he has
when he means to suggest that con-
troversy is beneath him. But this
does not change the facts in his case !;
which are clearly that he does really
need an angel, who, by her toleration
of him, will gradually render him
tolerable to himself and his acquain-
tances. 1t is all mistake to ask as
I heard very intellectual lady ask
once: eff you could get an angel,
sir, would you be fit to associate with
her?" / did not say a word at the
time, because the question seemed to
close debate. But in a general way
might have said ''If am as un-
worthy of an angels company, mad
am. as your leading question seems to
imply, it will take an angel to make
anything out of me; and if I under
stand the regular business of angels
correctly, it is getting the best possi-
BILE results out of the worst possible
material" !"
In this lies the chance Benedick
has of getting the angel he is deter
mined to have. hope he will sue
ceed, for if he does he will gradually
grow more and more ashamed of what
he now thinks is his own unspeakable
superiority until he gets rid of it and
starts over again. Matrimony is an
institution plainly intended by Provi-
dence to get as much of the nonsense
out Of the average man as can be ex-
tracted from him without killing him.
If the process is not very gradual, it
is too painful for human endurance,
and the divorce court is the result.
But if it goes on gradually and in
natural manner, man at As, who
has been married for twenty years,
and has had his own weaknesses re-
vealed to him by the number of times
he has forgotten to stop at the corner
drug store to buy nursing bottles and
the other indispensable adjuncts of
his own education, ought to know
number of things he could not posi-
bly, have suspected at the beginning.
The man who drives the milk wag-
on in our block has made one of the
most successful experiments in matri-
mony I know of. do not suppose
he was hard to please. He probably
saw her for the first time at the pic
mic of the social club he belonged to
and proposed to her because of the
redness of her cheeks. Her cheeks
are not red now, but during the two
weeks he was in bed with lumbago
she drove the milk wagon and made
his deliveries for him as if it were the
most natural thing in the world. AS
she still keeps her hair combed and
is careful about the way her collar is
fastened, concluded at once that he
was getting the kind of education out
of matrimony heneeded. If his wife
is his superior, she is no doubt SO
much his superior that he may have
accoupted for all the improvement
which has taken place in himself as
the natural development of his own
good qualities.
There is different kind Of educa-
ton in matrimony which is extreme
ly beneficial to those who can stand
it. Mrs. Merry, whose name and
nationality it would be invidious to
reveal, supports herself and provides
for her six children by taking in wash
ing during the periods intervening be-
tween the last time her husband
"broke the pledge" and the next time
he takes it. When, during these in
tervals, he comes home quietly and
falls into bed without creating a dis
tafbance, she pulls off his boots for
him and puts the cover over him prop
erly. But if he attempts to discipline
either her or the children while she
does not think him "at himself" she
reduces him to subjection herself if
he is not too sober to submit. Other
wise she calls in the help of the po-
liceman and has him locked up at the
expense of paying his fine next morn
ing out of the money she has earned
over the washboard. Mrs. M. makes
no pretense Of being any sort of an
angel, and she would be surprised if
she were suspected of having a single
angelic quality. But it is creditable
to masculine human nature that her
husband, during the frequent inter-
walls when he is keeping the pledge,
is proud of her ability to hold him
while the Oldest boy is running for
the policeman and prouder still of her
magnanimity in paying his fine out of
her own earnings at dollar day.
If Benedick finally secures wife
with the same moral qualities his ed
ucation will progress in way that
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