New-York tribune., 1902-01-08
THE TALK OF THE DAT.

Henry Iahouchere's Pro-Boer attitude has given
him a reputation for religious faith and zeal in
Continental Pro-Boer circles, where he is spoken
of as that eminent Christian. the excellent La
bouchere." Doubtless "Labby' smiles az the
apotheosIs
Lieutenant Nobs Dust arrived)-How long will
you take to drive me to the fort. cabby?
through the halieys But the military allus goes
the long way round through the fashionable. part
(Cabby gets his hour.)-(Punch.
Lord Avebury declares that ants that maintain
their sobrfety make great distinction IN their
treatment OF the intoxicated stranger and the fell
low citizen who has succumbed TO hts blandish-
ments. He inebriated fifty ants. twenty-five from
one nest and twenty-five from another. and put
them all into the nest from which one lot had
been taken The inhabitants once took the
helpless strangers and threw them into the water:
while those who citizens of the nest were
carried tenderly away into remote corners to re-
cover from their festivtty at leisure
The Baby's.-Ascum-Poppers Is looking badly
What's the trouble with him7
Joakley-Lungs.
Ascum-You don't mean IT, Are they weak7
Joakley-No. strong. There's baby at his
Press. u -'''''D'''''''
The good minister OF Scottish parish had once
Upon a time a great wish for old couple TO be-
come teetotallers. which they in no wise eager
20 carry out After much pressing however they
consented. laying down condition that they
should be allowed to keen a bottle OF Aud Ftrk''
for medicinal purposes. About a fortnight arterward
John began to feel his resolution weakening but
he was determined not to be the first TO sivc way
In another week however. he collapsed entirely
Jenny. woman" he said i've an awfu' pain in my
held; We mcht gle me drappe. an see gin it'll
dee me ony guild" We'll. gudeman." she replied
"yere owre late o askln for ever sin that bottle
cam into the hoose. I've been bothered sac wi
pains = my held. t is a dune. an there's nae
drappie left"
Hanson-TheEe was time couldn't abide Pug
Tryster-You don't mean itl
Hanson-Yes; he hasn't called al my place for
month or two.-(Boston Transcript.
A correspondent writing from saugatuck. Conn.
says that in that town were born and lived until
quite recently, three brothers. triplets who all
lived TO be about seventy-fve years old They
were canned Frederick. Franklin and Francis Sher-
wood. and were known the three F's They
looked so much alike that they were often taken
the one for the other All followed the sea- and
were for long time masters of vessels.
Blll-Your friend Crimsonbeak reminds me Of the
Jiii-Because he's out late nights?
No; because he appears to be brightest when
he's full'-(Yonkers Statesman.
THE London Lancet the other day reprinted a
criticism of a medical lecture given In 1923 upon
the power of the digestive organs upon substances
endued with vitality" category which includes
the prophet Jonah. How the prophet passed his
time in the cavity of the whales stomach how
far the confinement affected his organs OF respra-
tion, questions OF minor Importance" we are
told. But the main argument may be thus stated
When Jonah entered the whales stomach either
he was alive or was not alive. If he were not
alive the stomach would have had the same mower
over him any other inanimate substance
and the prophet would have been digested in the
ordinary way" But since he was not diqastad r.
was alive when swallowed. and, as the argument
points OUT, must have continued to live" Conse-
quently' when he was thrown the fourth day
he was deposited on the dry land. probably with
out any other Inconvenience than some trtai,o -,
rangement of his canoncaIs'
At the Musical-"She has improved in her sing
5Tbink bhS s1t so9 khoWI o"fic II i tooi
applause TO induce her to sing again ~
any applause at all."-CPhiladeIphia Press 'ee'i'e
The little daughter of a man who had hoou
chosen for jury duty in London the other dav nor,
to the judge and said: Please sir father CANT
come; he can't put on his boots" The Judge asked
the nervous little creature what was the mattar
with her father. Her hesitation showed thai sh
had not been sufficiently equipped for the con-,
plete deception of the wary official. He repeatad
his question We'll. SIR" she said looking straiebt
into the judges twnkling eyes, father don't wear
boots; he's got wooden legs l wasn't told to tau
you anythink else, sir; that's ALL
Ragson Tatters-Say, boss. will YER ,at ma ,oo,-
yer "Bradstreet's''? " ~ i'' ihe look at
MerchantI,certaiply not; It's against the rules
What possible use have you for It, anyway? ''
Ragson Tatters--I want ter know how high var
rated SOS to see If yerd stand for a small nrSS
philadelphia Press. '' ''u0H
The following announcement appeared tbs o.b.u
day in Bucknghamshire England) paper: .Tha
vicar regrets to have to inform his parisb,ore-.
that In consequence OF his advanced age II will
not be possible for him to visit the residsn, -
the hilltops- He will still be able to perforr, ar
the Sunday church duty. II any time II sbou,a
please God to send him a pony and carr,.sa ..
Will give him great pleasure to resume his former
course Of visitngw
The Chicago MAXWELL. what did Won tbinx -,
New-York? ~ 'ou 'hiiih or
The Colorado man-Thought it was mining TOWN
nearly every street.-(Yonkers Statesmen. III