davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10

After ALL, SAID Mrs Galeigh, "it
Sh t SO Lad to have Il husband who
sleeps in church. Mine dreamed All
through tn" sermon last Sunday, and
cant help feeling glad every time |
Think of it,.
wv ny. who ever heard of such n
thing her friend exclaimed,
on soc our minister preached! Il
horlld impertinpnt sermon against wo.
men paying 50 much for the cli,;hns
they wear, and just know that if
Jonathan had boon awake hoG r,,ycr
get through quoting it to me."-Chica.
30 Record Herald.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
BEWARE OF THE KNIFE.

No profession has advanced more
rapidly OF late than surgery, but it
should not be used except when abso.
lusely necessary. In cases of piles. f II
example, it is seldom needed. De.
Wits Witch Hazel Sllve cures quick.
~ and perman eutly. Unequalled for
cuts. burns, bruises, wounds, skin dis.
eases. Accept NJ counterfeits. ~
was so troubled with bleeding piles
that lost much blood and strength. :"
says }. c. Phillips, Paris. Ill "De-
Wits Witch Hazel Lalve cured me in
a short time" Scothes and heals.
E. A. Drown & Co.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
II. 5. BOARDMAN, M. D.
SPECIALIST IN ELECTRICITY.

once at Residence, lo7 State St..
Montpelier, W.
once h>urs, from l to and toep,m.
we cure or benefit all kinds -
rheumatism, Neuralgia, Nervous DIS
eases OF Women. We cure or henes,
LancerS with the Mays. Tubercu.
.osls IN lungs, in first stage cured in
So sscono stage oenedtted.s Lupus and
o'her III CIRCULAR Disease of face an
'mos cured With X-Ray treatment,
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
TAKE CAKE OF THE STOMACH.

Inc man or woman whose diges
tlon is perfect and whose stomach
performs It's every function is never
SICK. Kodol cleanses, purifes and
Sweetens the stomach and cures posi-
lively and permanently all stomac1
troubles, indigestion and dyspepsi
1t IS the wonderful reconstructiya
tonic that is making so many sick
people we'll and weak people strong by
conveying to their bodies all of tn
nourishment in the food they eat
Rev j. II. Holiday of Holiday. Miss
writes: Kodol has cured me. con.
slider 1t the best remedy ever used
Tor dyspepsia and stomach troubles
was given up nv physicians. Kodo)
saved my life. Take it after meals
r. A, Drown & %,
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10

A good story is told of an elder in an
English church who on one occasion
had to take the pulpit in the absence
OF the minister at the last moment. He
got through the first part of the sevy
Ice all right, but on getting up to give
the sermon he found his difficulty
then. He started with, Brethren
lpause]-b-b-brethren lpause] -b-b-b-
brethren, if any of you wants the con-
ceit taken out of you come up here"
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
Seabrooke In Real Comedy.

Tom Seabrooke, like nearly all &C.
tors, Is In the habit Of shaving him.
self. He was Unexpectedly detained
from home one day, and, feeling that
he required shave before going to the
theater for the performance, he went
Into the barber shop at the Marlbor.
ough. All the chairs were occupied
but one.
He'll be back In few moments"
said one OF tile BARRIERS, referring to
the absent tonsorial artist.
Seabrooke took OF his coat and collar
ana began pacing up and down the
shop IN his peculiar, nervous, restless
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
LINGERING SUMMER COLDS.

Don't let cold run At this season.
Summer colds are che hardest kind ia
cure and il neglected may linger
along for months. A long siege like
this will pull down the strongest con-
stitution. One Minute Cough Cure
will break up the attack at once. Safe,
sure, acts at once. Cures cough, colds,
Group, bronchitis, ali throat and lung
troubles The children like it. E. A
Drown & Co.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
A SAD DISAPPOINTMENT

Ineffective liver medicine is a disa.
ppointment, but you don't want to
purge, strain and break the lands OF
the stomach and bowels. DeWftt's
Little Early Risers never disappoint.
They cleanse the system Of all poison
and putrid matter and do it so gently
that one enjoys the pleasant effects.
Thay are tonic to the liver. Cure
oillousness, torpid liver and prevent
fever. E. A. Drown e. Co.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10

Scratch, scratch, scratch; unable to
attend to business during the day or
sleep during the night. Itching piles
horrible plague. Doans Ointment
cures. Never fails. At any drug
store, 80 cents.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
A Bluff That Wins

An attack of hysteria Stimulating I'm.
CONSCIOUSNESS in n woman may be
stopped. says Modern Medicine, ''by
the surgeon taking a pair of scissors
and regretfully announcing that he
VIII nave to cut all the patients hair
on IN order to make the application to
her head. 1t is doubtful whether this
blum has even been known to fail"
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
GOING SOUTH

H'AAAhys ~ lOllOWNt
GOING SOUTH
8.35 A: M-Mail for Boston via Iowe,
or F1tchburg: New York via Springfield
a ana all New England points. Parlof ca
"hln re Rlver Jet to New York -,
via Lowell; New York Via Snrin~ vstTd
and via New London. Buffet nar .ns i ea
to Boston and Springfield. '''' 'o' "a
53O T. M.-Local Passenger for North
Held. Randolph. and White River linz ol,-
tion' H:i - e.. o4...
1901 a. NJ. Might Express daily ~
Guiding Sundays. for Boston via inwai,
ana New fo-k via Springfield. Phil.
S H,aal staeepihe ,ars to Boston and to
TTprj ll ielo mo connection for New
!o.k saturday night IT'S c1 ATE ala
= va so1Na;NoRrH '''
l2.ol A: M-Daily connecting at Mont
peler with night expire q. leavinn ~.
z Oh A. M. for all points north and wos az
& o.35 A. M;-Passenger for Burlin",oH~.
81. A'oans. Montreal and Richford. Con-
"a s, ~ ESSEX junction with Express fnr
III p ps II on RUTLAND Railroad
an n,g' + e., MiwMall for Burlington. Rut-
Montreal and Houses Point '' Ca a,Oans.
A. It Montpe.ier; with White No onne s,s
Train ! for Burlington and the "9 3di,an
M,rhS via Lake Champlain and Pi ,tts,
'urHh Parlor car to Montreal '''s'
o'1U r. M.-Express for BURLINGTON
~, mon A !, Montreal and Chicago. PHI MI
1 Van sieepng car. Montpelier junctif to
az " w, nan. change. sDue Chicago
Suburban Service
i, i NJ !, TO MONTPELIER. Leave Barre a,
l. III W.! II'ol, S;Olt $50 P. NJ. 1901 W
I'alns to Barre. Leave Mo Mon ~, M.
H. 20 A VI, 1855. 3 50 and 400 Mr'
W''''anstown rvaina
xLeave Barre 20. 43O p H.. wv.
amstown, LOS, 500 p Nj Due "li-
nMe R M,lllamstown 73o A Nj, Prop
pue barre, sos A NJ, 8 90 M
H. FlTlHJGH, ). ". cUMM1Nc
NN " " M9' n Pass AT
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
CUNARD ~ LINE
BOSTON LIVERPOOL QUEENSTOWN

Fast Twin Screw Mail and Passenger
Steamers. 1890 tons; 600 II .ong. Re-.
markable for steadiness. All rooms up.
per decks amidships. perfect ventilA sion
IVERN1Asails-Septl 10. Oct 10. Nov, n
SAXONlA sails-Stpt. 80 Nov
ULTONIA thirdclass only-specialy fitted
Sails Sept 9.
Plans. sailings. etc, % State st.. Boston,
Mass. Alexander Martin, Agent. or 70
Billiards. Steam Ship Agency, Niles Rk
Barre. New sLangdon Blk Montpelier
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
Varnish From Seaweed.

A kind Of seaweed which is plentiful
on the coast of China furnishes an adj
mirable glue and varnish. When dried,
1t is waterproof, and it is employed to
fill up the interstices In bamboo net
work, of which windows are frequent
ly constructed in that country. 1t is
also utilized to strengthen and varnish
paper lanterns.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
More Nurses Wanted f!

All nurses with good credentials are
invited to register at the Nurses
Home, before September 18th. This
is the headquarters for trained nurses
and it is the place where people first
inquire when they want to employ one.
MRS. c. G. PAIGE,
1l6tf 81 Jefferson Street.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10

Don't delay minute. Chol: "a in
fantum, dysentery, diarrhoea come
suddenly. Only safe plan is to have
DR.. Fowler's extract of Wild Straw.
berry always on hand.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10

A Scottish beadle one day led the
manse housemaid to the churchyard
and, pointing with his finger, STAN.
mered:
My folk lie there, Jenny. Wad We
like to lie there too?"
1t was bis way of popping the ques-
ton.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
A TwOfOld Peril.

A TwofOld Peril,
Don't you know that you drink too
much Ice water?" said the physician.
THE fear has occurred to me-"
1.-THE habit is likely to ruin your
health"
Il wasn't thinking of that. Ny ice
Dill merely suggested the possibility OF
IT. wrecklng my bank account."-Puck
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10

A little lite may be sacrificed to a
sudden attack OF Group if you doa t
have DR.. Tho mas Electric Oil on
hand for the emergency.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
Recognized the Sound.

1t was her first ride In an automo
bile, and she was deeply interested il
the horn that was used to notify PEG
pie to clear the way.
Papa" she said.
"WellW he returned.
Make 1t snore some more!'-Chica
60 Post.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
Are You ready for business 2"

linen coat and. turning to ScabrooL O
| said:
Are you ready for business:"
Seabrooke replied. "rhuts what r,,,
waiting for" and walked toward the
vacant chair. The newcomer did tho
same, and both reached opposite sidos
OF the chair at the same time and
mace ready to occupy it.
"Nhy. aren't you the barbery' said
the stranger.
NO. replied Seabrooke. "Aren,t
you:"
The loud laue hter of the otbar ooo,,
pants OF the barber shop gave em
phasis to the comedy situation-Nen
York Press.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
RUTLAND RAILROAD.

The through car line between Ne.
York, Boston and all New Eng and
points, and the Adirondacks, Thous
and Islands, Montrea, and Quebec.
ACROSS THE. IsLAsDs.oF
LAKE cHAMPLAlN,
Reaching the best locations fol Camp.
Ing and Fishing touching at the FOL.
lowing stations: South Hero, Grand
Isle, North Hero, Isle LaMotte and
Alburgh. For time tables and full 10.
formation, address:
GEO. r. JARVIS, C.B. HIBBARD
GENT Manager. GEM Pass. AT.
Rutland Vt.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10

Some folks never git over the child
ish ways. Ye kin always depend on it
that they're in mischief when they're
Quiet.-Philadelph Record,
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
Worldly WiadOm.

Father-ln choosing wife one
should never judge by appearances.
Son-Thats right. Oftenest the pref.
TEST girls have the least money.-Puck
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
The CynONulre.

very self conscious. wasn't hey"
Yes; just like man taking his first
automobile ride. Detroit Free Press.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
WILLIAM MIXERS

Has moved his barber shop to
the old tiSh.market store in the
basement of French'S Block.
He will be pleased to see all
his old customers as we'll as
new ones.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10

The hardest thing on earth is to act
pleased when you are disappointed
Atchison Globe.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10

Bad blood and indigestion are dead.
ly enemies to good health. Burdock
Blood Bitte1s destroys them.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
This Summer,

AND it's mostly wet weather
When picnickers get together
With the grub in the boatbouse
And a drizzling rain outside.
Chicago Tribune
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
Worked Both WAYS

worked Both Ways.
A man once sought an office,
Then away with its cash he ran
And now, with the aid of detectives
The office is seeking the man.
New York World
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10
Central Vermont nv.
Time Table

CORE cted tc June. %, 1902.
Trains leave Barre daily e1ces I
Sunday, as followsE
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1902-09-10

Way, A few moments later q mo,
hastily entered the shop. took off b;s
linen coat and. turning to Scabrooka
Sni1.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-02-15

Yes. August f.0weT st.ll has tbe
largest sale ofanr anv ueiieiBe in
Tie civilized world. 1our mothers
anl rraadasot1ers never thought
nt us,nr anFih'ng else for indi-
sestion or alsalsness. Doctors
apra scares And fley seldom heard
81 aopeBifeltis. nervous pr1strat-
na. heart failure. etc They used
august Florar q clean ont tie
srstan aad Stop fermentation q
nnaizestsd food. regulate the
seton of the lirer. stimulate the
nervous 1uz urEsuic action 81 the
system. and .ats IS Sd they took
when feeling dlll aud bad With
eeasaches and other aches. 1ou
onlr need 1T doses of Green g
4nenss F4oEer. 3 Qri1 iofus 70
r aiis6e S rot1lng &
scri atfef rif4'f0-k.r Get
,e sieaa13=, ss,..siH Is
CO.'S. Ps'acs Drug Store or Ham
.licn S Halt.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-02-15

Get yonr meats at the Fulton
Market. 4
Horse shoeing a specially At
F. NJ. Spears blacksmith shop, on
Al street.
Free reclining chair cars by the
-Choelaw Route" Se transfer
st Memphis.
All electric supplies can be had
at the Independent supply Com
pany at the West side Drug store
Bransom &Grigsley Of the Full
ton marhet guarantee honest
weight and courteous treatment 10
their customers. If
F. NJ. Spear, the 4th street
blacksmith is prepared 20 do all
kinds OF repairs on your wag-
ons. buggies, plows. etc.
WAsTED-A few good sub con-
tractors 10 work On Rock Island
extension west OF Lawt0D.
" r Stubbs Contracting Co..
Lawrence, Kas., Lawton, Q +.
FoR REST-Feb lst, cottage,
corner Of Twelfth street and Kan
sas Aves. containing five rooms,
bath room. pantry and three clos
cts and electric lights throughout.
Apply TO Chas. n Fechheimer.
Bank Of Chickasha building.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-02-15
Lost strayed Or stolsn.

One gray mare about - wears
old. branded Sc on jaw one 3
year old black mule, mealy nose,
no brand; one ? year old flly,
black, no brand.
Any information leading 10 The
recovery Of the above named stock
will be rewarded ct this Office, or
address Box 525. Chickasha. L. T.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-02-15
air Warning

In ten days / vill return my
stock If opera gia~ses. II you
want something nice, call and buy
al great discount as 7 viii not
continue 10 carry the stock.
WEST SIDE DRUG STORE.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-02-15

ALFALyA ASD FEUIT RANCHES
II the suuoy southwest. both
small and large place. II interest
ed. write Pence q Murphy. ElPaso
Texas. Refer % Dun and state
National Baak
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-02-15

Mrs. Aauie Dsnsmore Mcclure
certificate pupil of Magliolni
Florence, Italy. Honrs from 3 20
iOa. Ia. At Dr Peters residence,
12fh. and Chickssha Avenue.
Phone. lU6
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-02-15
HeIf1rd Bnlls 30 SIC

Ihavs tLsse. 3 70 5 years old
Thoroughbred With pedigree bulls.
Forty head of 2 s, and 1916, SIX TO
twelve months old bulls. Write
nae Cor particulars.
ED HoCKADY, kinedsher, Q. I.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-02-15

STocKEas AID FrznzEs-Gond
smooth eat,le aiAays on band. II
Interested. write Fence & Murphy,
EiPaso. Texas. Refer 10 Dun and
state Nationsl Bank.
The Savannah morning news., 1902-11-01

recesses of a forgotten lumber-room.
1t is thus entitled-no modern font
could reproduce the printers vagaries:
Joe Miller's Jests: Or the Wits vade-
hecum. Being a Collection of the most
Brilliant Jests the Politest Repartees;
the most Elegant Bon Mots, and most
pleasant short Stories in the English
Language. First carefully collected in
the Company and many of them trans
cribed from the Mouth of the Facetious
Gentleman whose Name they bear;
and now set forth and published by
his lamentable Friend and former
Companion, Elijah Jenkins, Esq" The
''lamentable friend" who accidentally
hit on the right word was, of course,
Motley. Joe Miller himself APP
pears only thrice in the series,
and then in circumstances which do lit
tie credit to his conduct as a married
man or his wit as raconteur. Indeed
a, large proportion of the 'politest re-
parties" many of them attributed TO
ladies of high degree, have nothing but
their coarseness to recommend them.
And one is astonished that with the
latitude ; permitted nothing more
amusing could have been accomplish
ed. But among the more printable jests
we find many that are still to be
found in the funny corner of the To-
cal paper and still remain fresh to
those who have not heard them before.
For, of course, the worlds Jokes are
limited-that is to say. the element
airy jokes, which are the only ones that
appeal to the million. and while the
Homeric gods laughed at the lame leg
of Hephaestus, Joe Miller's lamentable
friend could laugh at Sir William
Davenant's lack of a nose. We have
too. the passenger on a ship who would
not pray during a storm because he
was only a passenger and was not
supposed to look after the ship. We
have the man who would not shed
tears at the moving sermon because he
belonged to another parish. And here
is one labeled SO, which is immortal in
its various incarnations:
Lord C--by, coming out of the
House of Lords one day, called out:
Where's may Feliow?" mot in Eng
land, by Cd" said a gentleman who
stood by.
Science has brought a slight devel-
opment tic this primeval jest with its
invention of matches. The other day
during wait at a country station,
asked the engine driver if he could find
me a match. Not for you, SIR he re-
piled, vastly pleased. But there is one
curious lack, in the jests that made
the men of 1879 laugh. There is no Joke
about Nmothers-in-law. none about ba-
pies, very few about drunkenness, and
only one, believe about a tramp. No
doubt the lack has been supplied in the
American editions of Joe Miller.
But, after all, my purpose, having
read for the first time this gathering
of the wit of 1889 was to vindicate the
fame of the obscure player who was
buried in St Clements burial ground.
Portugal street. Glare Market, and
was described on his monument by
stephen Duck as "a tender husband. a
sincere friend, a facetious companion.
and an excellent comedian" His fame
is curiously accidental. and warrant
he said better things at the BulIs
Head than his lamentable friend re-
membered and printed
Tor Rpa NUira-
The Savannah morning news., 1902-11-01

in the graves. For ornaments they
used necklaces made of carnelian
beads. blue glazed stone and gold. For
cosmetics they used grease paints made
of decayed malachite ore, mixed on
slate palettes. Ivory hairpins and
combs ornamented with ivory have also
been discovered.
Thus we have a people who have al
ready considerable technical skill in
working hard stones, ivory, metal and
clay, but, so far as we know at pres
ent, unable to write. In appearance
they were small of stature. though sin
envy, and of great endurance. They
had straight, black hair, scanty, griz-
ely boards and swarth compilations.
They wore girdles and woven linens
garments. though skins were used
commonly also"
The lecture closed with f1fty-six ster-
eopticon views of the work of excav-
alton and the curiosities unearthed.
They are regarded as among the most
complete Photographic collections of
such work ever taken.
The Savannah morning news., 1902-11-01
JOE MILLER AND HIS JOKES.
Responsible for but Few of the
Jests Credited TO Him.
From the London Chronicle.

From the London Chronicle.
Among men who have had reputa-
tons thrust upon them. Joe Miller
takes prominent place. He is perhaps
the best known jester in the world.
His name is i2separably connected
with the Jokes that, like the regents
marines" have done their duty and
are ready to do 1t again. But 1t is GER
tain that Joe Miller had no foresight
of the Immortality that was to be his.
He was an actor; and an actors repu-
tation generally dies with him. In 1909
he appeared at Drury Lane, and, with
a brief interval at Goodman's Fields
he seems to have spent his working
life at the Lane. winning repute as
competent actor and a facetious fell
low. -.
From his dwelling in Glare Market
he would go to the Black lack. in
Portsmouth street, or to the Bulls Head
in Spring Gardens, for his glass, being
of convivial disposition. Here he would
meet, among others, Hogarth. Proba-
bly, he cracked a joke between glasses;
hut there are scores of actors who do
the same to-day at the Green Room
Club with no hope of immortality to
follow. No doubt he shared the uncer-
tainty of posterity as to whether he
was christened Joseph or Josias; for
he could neither read nor write. apd
married in order to have a wife eaoa-
BILE of reading his parts to him.
On Aug. IS, 1885,. he died at the age of
"a; and this would have been the end
of Joe Miller had not one Read, a pub
Usher, commissioned John Motley to
make collection of jests. This was
after Miller's death. So that when in
1879 Joe Miller's Jests" appeared
there was apparently no warrant for
the use of the dead comedian's name.
But from that moment the actor ac-
quired a new reputation, which grew
with the years as the collection of
jests grew in successive editions. and
Joe Miller" became the ancestor Of
a chestnut" BY 1T45 the jokes
amounted to 5S7, and New York. in
1863 produced 1886, all called by the
immortal name. But the first edition
contained but PAT, and a copy of IT,.
rare enough to be valuable, has recent
ly fallen into my hands, dug from the