The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-12-06
THE WIDOWS oNE-HoRNED cow.


and purchased one over on the county
line alongside that of the Widow
Hooper, his old and new neighbors
looked for trouble. Farmer Watkins,
who was more Familiarity known as
Uncle Jim" was very quick-tem-
pered man, and always watching out
that no one stepped on his coat-tails ;
and the Widow Hooper was a red
headed woman who had rights and
was ready to fight for them. As soon
as "Uncle Jim" got settled in his new
home he creased his boots and put on
a clean shirt and went over to see the
widow. He was Hospitality received.
He rather liked the looks of the wo-
man, and she was favorab1y impress
ed with him.
"I want to be neighbors and
friends" he said. "I'm willing to
lend plows and drags and rakes and
hoes, and sha'n't have no trouble
over line fences or jumping steers.
I'm peaceful man, and l want to be
at peace. If my hens bother you,
you shoe EN- back, and if yours both
er me I'll shoe 'em back. If you'll
make soft soap for me, I'll make
cider vinegar for you, and 1 guess
things will go on all right.
The widow replied to the effect that
she was patient and long suffering,
and only too anxious to live at peace
with everybody in Huckleberry coun-
ty, and the two parted with the very
best opinion of each other. That
opinion held for week. Then Uncle
Jim got up one morning to find one
of the widows cows in his cornfeld.
1t was a one-horned COW and a Jump
er. She had sailed over six-rail
fence to get to the corn. There was
some swearing as she was driven out,
but Uncle Jim held on to himself bet
ter than could have been expected.
Three mornings later the one horned
COW was back again. This time the
sweating was louder, and the words
longer, and Uncle Jim threw stones,
but he cooled off without any damage
being done. Two nights passed, and
then the rising sun shone on the body
of the widow S COW again. She wasn't
in the widows barnyard, where she
belonged, but in the widower's corn
field, where she had eaten her fill for
the third time.
"Now, by the great gum canoe,
but L II have her life p shouted Uncle
Jim as he observed the intruder; and
as soon as he could arm himself with
a stake he was after her.
There are one-horned cows who
will stand still and take a pounding
with meekness and humility, but this
was not one of them. She went gal
loping up and down and across until
she had trampled down an acre of
cornstalks and got Uncle Jim dander
up to the shotgun point, and then she
sailed over the fence and took her
way homeward. Breakfast was ready,
but Uncle Jim didn't wait to eat
mouthful. He headed for the Widow
Hooper's house, 80 rods down the
road, and be had a lecture on one
horned cows all ready to deliver. AS
if enough had not happened to raise
steam to the danger point, he arrived
just as the widow was driving num-
Der of pigs out of the yard. Of
course, it happened that one of the
perverse auimals took short cut and
dashed at Uncle Jim's legs and tum-
bied him over, and when lie rose up
10 men couldn't have held him.
"You-you own blamed old one
horn critter of a cow" he shouted, as
he stood before the widow.
"Yes," she answered.
"And she's jumped my fence
and eaten up my cornfeld-and dam
aged me a hundred dollars-and-
and"
''Have a drink of buttermilk and
get your breath back said the as
tonished widow.
II won't do it I tell you your
Internal camel with one horn has
knocked down all my corn, and you We
got TO pay for it, or I'll give you
dozen lawsuits And when l come
here to tell you about it, what do you
do? You set hog on me and tum-
bic me into the onion bed p
"I never set no hog on you p' ex-
claimed the widow.
eyes, you did, and don't deny it !!
Widow Hooper, I'll knock the other
horn off that COW p
Don't you dare to !"
CPL knock her head off I'll have
her life if she ever steps on my land
again Iwant damages for that corn,
and 1 want pay for being knocked
down by a scrub hog -
When man begins to swing his
arms and talk in threatening tones to
a red headed widow who has been her
own boss for several years, he is load
ing a torpedo to explode under his
own feet. 1t was not five minutes
before Uncle Jim was being "sassed
back" in a way to make his hair curl,
and it wasn't ten before he was order
ed off the place and de6ed to do his
worst. That was the beginning of a
quarrel in which half the county was
interested before peace came. When
Uncle Jim had had couple of hours
in which to cool off he wished he
hadn't done it, and before dinner was
ready the Widow Hooper was sorry
she had been SO quick with her
tongue. But, of course, neither one
had thought of turning back.
Hammer" said Uncle Jim to his
old maid sister, who was his house
keeper, "that red-headed widow and
her internal one-horned COW think
they can walk all over me because
I've got the disposition of an angel
but 1 II show 'em Hanner-I'll show