davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26

TALBERT's JoKEs.-The Washing
ton Post prints occasionally one of JAS.
Talbert's numerous jokes, two of which
are herewith appended:
Representative Talbert. of South
Carolina, who wants TO be the Cover
nor of his State, has a fund of stories
with which he e%nlivens up his stump
speeches, so that his campaign never
lacks in interest. He gave one of his
stories a practical application the other
night, when he was a guest at a din
ner.
Several courses had been served and
three were yet more to follow, when
MIR. Talbert turned to the guest next
TO him. "Down in South Carolina"
he said, "there was a negro preacher
who delivered a sermon on sMiracles.'
'My beloved friends and breddren,' he
said, de greatest of all miracles was
about de loaves and fishes. Dey was
live thousand loaves and two thousands
fishes, and de apostles had to eat dem
all. Now, de miracle was dat dey
didn't BUST
elf this dinner doesn't end soon,n
said Mr.. Talbert, laughing, nothing
but a miracle will save me.o
"Down in South Carolina" said
Representative TalDert, 81 once at
tended a colored church. The preach
er, n of these negroes with an oily
face and big spectacles, was talking
about the prophets. He had taken an
hour to discourse upon the major pro-
phets and then he took up the minor
ones. In course of time he reached
Hosea. My bredden,' he exclaimed,
I'VE come now tc Hosea. Let us con-
slider HIM. Where shall we put Hosea2'
AT that moment an old negro who
had been peacefully s%lumbering in one
OF the back pews woke up and looked
at the pastor. Hosea can take nv
seat he said, Il am so d-n tired that
L am going home.'"
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26

The small .pox epidemic in London
shows an alarming increase, and as a
result the whole royal family has been
vaccinated. King Edward is now
going about with his arm in a sling
and the Queen was rendered quite iii
after the incubation. Lord Roseberry
and other leading diplomats have fol-
lowed the sovereign's example, and
indeed the whole episode is said to be
an example to make the common peo-
pie submit to vaccination in spite of a
prejudice that exists against it. 1t is
a remarkable coincidence that the pre-
sent outbreak comedies with that of
the coronation year of 1888.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26
A MUCH TRAVELLED DARKEY
Uncle Mingo Tells of Primus Pig
tracks Visit to Town.

81 'spose Uncle," remarked the
waiter, "dat you has a lot o. mighty
.crackerish people out to Postum Hol-
"Dat's a fack," said Uncle Mingo.
1t wasn't very long sence Primus
Pigtrack come to town for de fus' time.
He had to ride bout ten miles on his
ole mule to git to de railroad, an dat
was as fur as he ebber been. Wen
he git on de train an ride bout forty
n fifty mile, he begin to wonder how
cen de worl' he was ebber goin' to git
back home all right again.
Wen he git to town, he gone cen
a sto' for a pair OBJ shoes. De shoe
man he come up.
"'Wot kin 1 do for you, sahT he
say.
"'I want to git some Shoes Primus
say.
"sAll right, suh,' say de man, 'wot
number?'
"Prmus didn't want nobody to glib
him no nonsense by AKIN no SIGH a
fool question like dat; so he git mad
am holler out:
"'Wot number / want?' he say; q
want twol OF t'ink 1 got fo' foot like
a mule, enty2'
Well he git de shoes, am den he
gone to annuder place for some per.
visions. He AK for a quart o. ~'lasses,
an vile de man was po'in it cen little
jug, Primus he peep ODER de counter,
o'clock hereV he say; you amt pc
all de lasses cen de jugl You done
gone lef' a whole lot cen de medSerl'
"'I know dat say de man, 'but
you see, dat been cen dere befo'.'
"Oh, l nebber know dat say Prl
mus; den l aXes your pahdon, sah.'
"'Wot else, sab?' say de man.
eel wants some sugar sweetenin',
say prlmus.
"tAll right, subj say de man; two
kin?'
"'Wot kin'?' say Primus; Il wan
short sweetenln; amt you sec L don'
got de long sweetenin' in de jug?'
cat las he come back home wild al
his things cen a big crocus bag. W'el
he git ON his mule at de railroad depot
he take de bag on his shoulder.
"'W'y, Prllnus,' somebody say; 'wo
make you tote de bag on your shoulder
WY amt you put it on de mule9'
"'Cause Use got some feelin's TO
de mule, if you HASN'T say Primus
de mule got 'nough to do to tote me
80 L lows I've gwine to tote de ba,
myself
cam dat mind me-" said Uncl
Mlngo, as he paused to relight his half
consumed cheroot, COB all dis tall
bout de niggcr school am de nigge
liberty, an dem smart people wot sa,
de niger amt titled to none, cause h
don't pay no tax. De nlgger is like
mule, de w'ite man say he pay de tax
but de POI niger at de bottom he'
totin' de tax an de wife man also"
"Did your friend Primus git HON,
safe?" asked the waiter.
60, yes" said Uncle Mingo, sch
git home all right. Wen de chillul
see him ridin' up wild de crocus bag OF
his shoulder, dey all run out am lie
down de bars, 30 he ride up to de do
an jump down.
"'Pap,' de chilluns say, SIS towl
fur2'
"Fur!' say Primus; sfurl WY
gemaneddy,' he say, 'ef de worl' is a
big tudder en- o. de road as wot il il
dat en-, l tell you it's a wopperl"-
Sacannah Morning News.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26

The Paris Treaty negotiated at the
close of the Spanish war gave to the
United States all of Spain's West
Indies possessions except Cuba. Now
the question arises as to whether the
Isle of Pines, South of Cuba, belongs
to this country ornot. The inhabitants
of the island have petitioned to be put
formally under the sovereignty of The
United States, while the Cubans claim
the island as a part of their country, it
being simplya contiguous island whose
to the Cuban coast makes it
reasonably appertain to the larger is-
land. 1t is probable hat we will re-
tain IL as a United States possession.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26

Bishop Doane of Albany, N. Y,
was standing in front of q drug store
in that city the other day talking TO the
druggist and a well known surgeon.
Nearby stood an undertakcr's o
which the driver had left there for q
few moments while he went into a
store to make a purchase. Presently
a friend of the bishop came along. He
was about to stop for a chat with the
group, but suddenly changed his mind.
Z" Doctor, druggist, priest and under
takers wagon" he said, as he moved
on. "That combination is a little too
suggestive to suit me. I'll pass"
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26
w. @. HOUGH,
VIM. ILDERToN,
j. II. DOUGLASS,
Committee on part OF Senate.
w. O. TATUM,
FRED I'll. DoMINICK,
THOs. B. BUTLER,

Committee on part of House.
In supporting this report Mr.. Domi-
nick said that under a ruling of The
chair a few days since it would be-
competent for the committee to in.
troduce this report. AS to the merits
OF the matter he said that the bill seeks
to correct a defective statute of 1901
which makes almost identical provisions
LII is proposed to take the beer dispen-
carries out of local politics.
Speaker Stevenson had called Mr..
Moses to the chair. The House was
In somewhat of a quandary. This was
an innovation in legislation. The point
OF order was raised that the bill was
not germane to the bill on which tho
com hlttee had been appointed.
The matter was discussed by Messrs.
lzlar, Sinkler, Williams, Wingo and
Ashley, who opposed accepting the re-
port.
Mr.. Moses declared that it was un
necessary fol the chair to rule whether
or not the report could be presented.
out 1T was competent for the House
TO do whatever II pleased with the bill.
The House with but two or three dis.
senting voices rejected the report of
the committee.
The matter is apparently on it's face
a bill OF local purport, an innocent lit
tie affair which had gotten into a free
conference committee. Tho chair in
such matters appoints o committee on
free conference, the members of which
are by courtesy suggested by those in
terested In the bill. The substitution
Oh extraneous matter by the committee
caused no little indignation, for It was |
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26
The Entering Wedge

10 your consideration is gen
orally the cost, though cost should
always be relative to value to be a
fair test. The lumber we sell may
not always be the cheapest in price,
but it's always cheapest in the
long run, because we give the best
value. Thoroughly kiln-dried, pro.
perly sawed and planed, you'll
find it matches" well, and will
be a lifelong source of ~satisfac-
ton.
H.Hudgens & Son.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26

j. S. j. Monks, the American
painter of sheep, has pursued his
favorite subject on two continents, in
the New England hills and the Swiss
mountains, andhas slept with the shep.
herds and lived with the farmers in his
efforts to study this most difficult of
animals for painting.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26

Harris Springs. *Daily except Sunday.
For Rates, Time Tables, or further in.
formation call on any Agent, or write to
w. G. CRILDs. President,
II. nj. EMEPToN, Traffic Mgr.
}. +. LIVINGSTON, Sol. Ag't, Columbia.
sc. '
III. M. EMERSON, Gen. Freight and Pas.
senger Agt, Wilmington, N. 9.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26

There is a rich and royal treat in
store for the Irishmen of New York.
The 18th anniversary of the birth of
Robert Emmett, Ireland's patriot-mar-
tyr, will be celebrated March 9 at the
Academy of Music there under the aus
pices of the Clan-na-Gael. Senator
Iillman of South Carolina, will deliver
the Grafton.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26

Has been rudely defined by some cyric
as "slops and sweets" And after all
there's more truth than poetry In the
definition. Ice cream aud cake NAV
satisfy the palate, but they are far from
satisfying to the stomach, which reuuires
that food be nutritious first and nice
atterward. BY careless eating women
pave the way for stomach dtroubie,n
and its kindred miseries.
DIR. Pierce's Golden Medical Discoy-
cry Is confidently commended as a
cure for diseases of the stomach and
other organs of digestion and nutrition.
BY curing diseases which prevent the
assimilation of food 1t enables the body
to be built up and strengthened In the
only way known to nature - by food
digested and assimilated.
.Ror twelve long months I suffered untold
misery. writes Mrs. Moille Colgate, of Ran
dolph, Charlotte Co., Va. uNo tobeue could e..
press the pain that I endured before I com.
menced taking DR.. Pieree's medicine. 4 was
not able to do anything at all. Could not cal
anything except bread aud tea--pr II 1 did the
top OF my head hurt so 4 seemed II would XIII
met with all that 7 could do II would burn iIke
inoi nut now since using your Golden Med
ts,. sat a little Of almost anything I want, and
can do n good day's work as well AZ enybodv
Gan. Am better than I have been for years.s
DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets cure
1dck headache.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26
LOCAL CLINTON TO ATLANTA.

Columbia. Newberry & Laurens Rail
way train No. 90, leaving Columbia, Union
s fon . @i at li2o q m daily, connects at Gin
est and quickest route bv several bomi ~
aAtianta, Chattanooga, Nashville, st. Louis,
Chlcago and all points West.
close connection at Petersburg, Rich
mono, Washington. Portsmouth-&oItoIk
Savannah, Jacksonville and
atlanta with diverging lines. anu
III maghihSent yestibule trains carrying
all principal points. '"' oe'"een
etc, apply to ieSerVatiohs
W.; +, sCRudGs, T.. p. A.. Savannah. Ga.
IN BARR: lsr. Y. p. AMI q. M, E r.
eunaIIed sa cba va.
ion at Buffalo.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26
MONEY TO LOAN

On farm lands. Easy ayments No CON,
missione charged. borrower paya actnai
cost of perfecting loan. For Information
write
JNO, b. PALMER & SON,
Columbia, s. %.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26

CLOSE connection at Greenwood for ali
points on 3. A. L.. and g. & q. Railway.
anu at Spartanburg with Southern Rail-
FOR any Information relative to tickets
rates, schedules, ETC., address
W. CRAIG, Gen. Pass Agent.
E. M. NORTH, Sol. ACT. Auep Ia. ia.
I'm. EMKRsoN, Traffic apager.
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26

GA - % R
the n lha Kind You taa Always Bought
''s' Z GMMz1M
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26

GA - IN q REA.
s'': : 9: 1z :, =; Z T. " ''''''
The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-26

out Tor me uOCtOr from Tic OnlIeu
States court, and placed in the hands
of a marshal by the name of Hester,
for service. DIR. Bratton was arrested
by Hester one night, eluded the vigil.
ance of this officer and quietly trans
ferred himself to the Dominion of
Canada. He took the oath Of citizen
ship to Great Britain, settled in Lon
don and resumed the practice of his
profession. He had been there but a
few months when, n Sunday after
noon, out walking on the lawn, a mar.
shall by the name of j. ID. Conwell,
who was hired by the same Hester,
slipped up behind Bratton and with
the assistance of a hickman, seized
him, threw him down and ~handcuffed
him. Generally the doctor carried a
pistol, but this particular afternoon he
had none. DR.. Bratton asked him
whom he was arresting and for what
purpose. "Show me your authority.
You have arrested the wrng oman"
The marshal said, We know what
we are dong; we've got the right
man."
DR.. Bratton replied, "Show me your
papers, you id rascals." They res
fused.
"Irl make you pay well for this,"
the doctor said. Garry me to a magis-
trate." Instead, they carried him up
and down the road and across the lawn
and around about until the train ar
rived. They put him on the train and
hept him in a dark room. The first
thing he recognized was the calling
out of "Detroit," United States OF
America. They had brought him
across the line. 1t developed that they
had no warrant for the doctor, but a !
warrant for a DIR. Avery, and when
this was found out they wanted to turn
him loose. Bratton would not be re-
leased, saying, "You s%coundrels, you
have arrested the wrong man, and L
will make you pay we'll for this. 1 am
a citizen Of Canada and a British SUBJ
ject, and / will call upon my country
for protection"
DIR. Bratton was then taken TO York
vile, s.. g., and having a friend in
court, he was released upon what is
called o +" straw bond" He at once
went TO Washington city, called upon
minister representing Great Britain
and laid the ceee Of kidnapping before
him, who at once referred the whole
matter to Queen Victoria. The queen
immediately, through her minister at
La democracia. (Ponce, P.R.) 1890-1948, 1902-08-15
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= VI .

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Candidatura a Ia
presidencia de e. UU.

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6oro tenomenO
en- AguadiIla

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La democracia. (Ponce, P.R.) 1890-1948, 1902-08-15
BarCOs de guerra
en- Venezuela

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