davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

"Why Is that handsome Mr.. Parker
such furious woman hater?"
The tall, dark. beautiful girl looked
fealthily around before answering.
81 found out from his sister the
,thcr day." she said. "It's his very
,andsomeness that makes him so in
iiHerent 20 the ladies. You see, he has
IN ambition to get along in politics,
md he knows his good looks handicap
MIN terribly In his efortsto stand well
with the mcn."-Chicago Record-Her'
AID
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

Patiense-Did you ever sleep with
wedding css: under your pillow?
Patricc-Ohly once.
"Why only once?"
II was discouraged"
at what?"
II got crumbs all over the bed
Yonkcrs Statesman.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

Old Lady-Oh, l always get so nerv.
ns on n railroad. Don't you think
we're goin' Mt an awful rate?
Mr.. Illuck-Y-c.s, but you needn't
vorry, mum; there won't be any ac-
.idcnt.
How do you know there won't?"
e Cause I've got an accident insur.
sncs .'cket.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

Terence, the witness says you hit
him in the jaw and knocked him
down. What did you do that for?"
"Y'r honor, he called me names"
"What did he call your"
"He asked me wasn't advocate Y
reciprocity"
"What did you think he meant by
that?"
II didn't know, y'r honor. That's
why slugged 'im.""-Chicago Trib
une.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16
Holiday Cheer.

"Don't you think holiday is more
cheerful when there is large family
gathered about the festive board?
II do" answered the sardonic per.
son. ~ large family Is u glad as.
surancc that there is not going to be
enough turkey left over to supply
the menu for the next three days.
Washington Stnr.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

o. you may learn n you choose. with
the king dead, Tatho II masterless
man now. II 1atho In wsnt Of .
mlstressT
"'such a glorious mistress as you,
I said, yes And from that moment,
Dcucaiion, I have been her slave. Oh,
you may frown; you may get up
from this seat and walk away II you
will. But I ask you this: keep back
your worst Judgment Of me, old
friend. till after you have seen Phor-
enice herself I'm the warm and love-
~ flesh. Then your own ears and
your own senses will be my advo-
Gates, TO win me back your old es-
teem."
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

II may seem parajoxical.
but II really beats the band
How debts when contracted
Are quite likely to expand.
Chicago Daily News.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16
The Differences,

Mrs. Youngthing (tearfully)--I,ut
you got along all right the year we
lived with mother and father.
Mr.. Youngthing-Yes, but there Ii
difference between living at ones
mother-in-law's and having her nj
ones own house.-l,rooklyn Eagle.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

'say, silas, don't you think you've
been hanging around that Widdie
Brick long enough? Why don't you
ask her ter marry YEP"
"Well, Hiram, ! have bren took In
so often that afin afraid that she
may prove ter be another gold one
st. Louis Globe. Democrat.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16
Money Talks.

words fail to express my love-" he said.
my tongue Mt the task Il baiks"
"well. II you need help" she replied with
a smile,
Remember that money talks"
-PhIladeiphia Bulletin
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

Wifc-Wcll, John, I'll have to do
he cooking now. The cook left with
,ut warning this afternoon.
Husband-Not exactly without
warming. She told me this morning
had better bring home some dys-
,epsia tablets tonight. but I didn't
quite catch on to what she meant
9uality.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16
ITO BE continued.l ]


"Nr. Buns ssys ss 'ow yer can't ave
rome. There b too much on ths slate
already"
SOhi Is theref Well. yca tsl Mr.
BuAg - 'ow I'll taks ny custom away
snd NQve sonsons slss h fstsrsls6
LoudAn xeosshlps.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16
Her Aunt's View,

she-Really, my husband is quite q
philosopher.
Her Aunt-Weil, u man might as well
bow to the inevitable-when he's mar.
ried to it!-Puck.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

II think" said the amateur palm
INT, slantIng the maiden'A hand to
ward the Hight, In order No see tn,
lines more plainly--"I thin you sr,
going 70 be married twice.
~Oh, dear" she said, "can' Ayou Jus,
sut ois the think aud make. . dead
surs esss1"-Chicaso Record Elersia
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16
Worth Accamulatfas.

I'd run for once: sure I would.
II could just control
The other side from sling!n' mud
And get 'em THROWN coal.
-Philadelphia Press.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

II believe" remarked the dyspep-
:ic boarder, ''that half the horse rad
sh IL made from turnips nowadays"
eyes," acquiesced the cheerful
diot, 'this is the day of horse-less
sadish. ."-I3rcoklyn Eagle.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16
TisnidIty.
you love children 2"

"Dont You love children?"
"Some children" ans wered the mai
who is slightly bald.
"But don't you love children as a
Sruie''
N "No. ! once taught school. don't
Rve them. fear them Washing
toQ Star.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16
They All Germiuate,

Alas! when We our wild oats SOW
With blood. and sweat. and toll.
How few OF them we ever throw
On rocks or sterile soil!
Harlem Life.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

you have the slightest Of bladder togs there
family history Klmer
Bnghmon r. who will send free by mail with
Of wonderful
In that sample bottle
In this
already that
purchase the fftycent
Swamp-Root and the address, Bnghamtou n Y
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

II is said that raw eggs and milk
are sure remedy for poison OF any
kind taken into the stomach.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

The wtather man tries hard TO please.
No seal could e'er be greater.
At early morn u starts to freeze.
And thsws Aye mind es later.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16
A stretch.

Bronco B,d--so yer iynched tn
wrong feller?
Rough Rube-Yes. We imagined he
was tn feller stole tn hoss, but he
wasn't.
Bronco Blll-Huh! Yer should be
more careful how yer stretch yer
imagination.--Judg
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

my new hat In from the best store
In the city-Meierstein's; don't you
believe it?"
"Oh, certainly, for it's one that
sent back to them!"-IIeitere Welt.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16
A COu,uaPlsOu

The minds like q bank
or this there's no doubt
The more you put In
The more you get out.
--Yonkers Statesman.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16

Mrs. slimdiet--Put plenty Of butter
on the table.
New Girl (who has worked in board
ing hpusss befors)-Half pound,
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1902-01-16
DO YOU GET UP
WITH A ALAME BA
Have You Rheumatism? Do You
Bladder or Uric Acid Troubje7

Pain or dull ache In the back IL unmistair-
able evidence of kidney trouble. II 10
Natures timely warning TO show you thatthe
track Of health IL not clear.
nthese danger signals are unheeded, more
serious results are sure to follow; Bright's
disease which In the worst form Of kidney
trouble may steal upon you.
The mild and the extraordinary effect Of
the worid-famous kidney and bladder reme-
dy, DR.. kilmer's swamp Root, In soon real
lied. II stands the highest for its wonderful
cures of the most distressing cases. A trial
will convince auyonc-apd you may have q
sample bottle free, by mail.
8sokaohc and Urinary Trouble.
Among the many famous investigated cures Of swamp
Root the one publish this week for the benefit Of
readers speaks In the highest OF the wonderful
curative properties Of this great kidney remedy.
d. kiLNss q Co., Binghamton, N. Y.
.smpis bottle Of swamp Root, my vile vas great .ui
ferer from backsche rheumatism and urinary trouble.
After trying the sample bottle she bought large bottle
bought more The effect Of Swamp Root was wonder.
ful and almost immediate. She has felt Of
the old trouble since
Oct, i9of. r. THOMAS,
Lame back Ia only one symptom of kidney
showing that you need Swamp Root are,
obliged to pass water often during the day
and to get up many times at night, inability
passing, brickdust or sediment In the urine,
catarrh of the bladder. uric acid, constant
headache, dizziness, sieeptessness, nervous
ess, irregular heart-beating, rheumatism,
bioating, irritabiiity, wornout feeling, lack
nj, to.. ~ 0n.tS s,ft,,~ -.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
Our New Lace Curtain
 DEPARTMENT. Now Open on the Third Floor.

The continual demand for fine Lace Curtains and the scarcity of them here So the folks say) put in this large Lace Curtain department The showing thou sands of pairs of beautiful Nottingham Irish point Point de Esprit and Arabian Lace Curtains special pces duce the department Monday will be of much interest all housekeepeIs See how they priced.
 Nottingham Curtains yards full tory price the pair,
 Nottingham Curtains aM long Introductory price the pair
 Nottingham Curtains. quatyIntroduc tory price the pair,
 Nottingham Curtains closely % yards signs $S6O qualty-lntroducory price the pair
 Extra Heavy Nottingham width qualty-nuoductory price the pair
 Irish Point Curtains long, width pretty designs 5000 qualy-nuoouetory price the pair
 beautfl desgns quahy-nuoductory price the pair
 Irish Point Curtains M 5000 quality-Introductory price pair, ssss
 Renaissance Curtains S heavy weight, Sl2.5O quahty-Introductory
 Irish Point Curtains Sooo to S5oo
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
How Advertising Makes Success.

From Leslies Weekly.
 The bankruptcy of the American Bicy- cle company furnishes the best evidence that advertising pays, or rather that a failure to advertise does not pay. The success of the early bicycle companies, when the newspapers and the weeklies were full of their advertisements, was phenomenal; but when the bicycle oombi- nation was formed, including all the leading American companies, the man. agers undertook to retrench in all de- partments and began by almost abandon ing the advertising field. It is to the credit of Colonel Pope, who was connect ed with the new combination, but who was not active in the management. that he objected to the elimination of this publicity.
 He knew by his own experience that advertising paid most handsomely, and he realized precisely what would happen if advertising were discontinued-that public interest in the sport would di- minlsh, as it did, until 1t almost died out. The failure of the American Bicycle com pany with enormous liabilities and small assets, is therefore not surprising though when it was organized, only three years ago, it's prospectus set forth that the company would probably earn twenty per cent on its common shares. Instead of this, 1t was unable to pay the interest on it's bonds, and it's common and pre- ferred shares have practically been wiped out The lesson to be derived from this humiliating experience is too obvious to need to be further impressed upon the reader.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
 SECRET OF BIRD SOARING.
Naturalist Thinks He Has Found It
 Inside the QuIls.
From Chambers Journal.

From Chambers Journal.
 What is the motive power of a quies- cent bird that moves it through air resis- tance and keeps Its heavy body from fall ing? We are absolutely baffled when con- fronted with the problem of a soaring bird.
 It does not move its wings when it has once got we'll started; it's moving parts seem to be of use merely to get 1t off some unknown dead center; It has infinite capacity for taking advantage of bal ance; and all this Is done while violating every known mechanical law, holding up a heavy body in the air and overcoming strong atmospheric resistance at rapid rate without discoverable expenditure of energy.
 Yet weight is absolutely necessary to flight, and the relative area of wing ex- panse dlminishes as the weight of the bird increases. For example, a gnat, which possesses very light, fairy3slike body, has about eleven times the wing area of a swallow in proportion to the weight of each.
 have been trying to discover the exact structure of a birds surfaces which en- ables 1t to get the soaring force from the air pressure under it's wings for the past fifteen years. The task seemed hopeless until accident settled the case. had To- cated in the foothills of the Flat Top mountains of Colorado. In the dry air of that region, to prosecute my task where the yellow-tailed hawks that were ad- mlrable soaring birds wer abundant
 A precipitous cliff 1000 feet high was near, from which I foated all sorts of surfaces, and year after year the quest went on. A furious forest fire hadflled the air with smoke and ashes and the odor of burning wood was in evidence for months
 I had killed a large hawk and was examining it's feathers when a stain was detected on the sides of the quill. be- tween the spicules, that was not before seen. A small magnifier gave it the ap- pearance of discolorations about the throat of a dust exhaust fin a blaming mill
 A microscope was at once procured, with an outfit of objectives from 60 to 100 diameters, and in an hours time I knew more about bird flights than twenty-five years of study had given me.
 The dscolorations extended along each spiclle between the plates. The downy filaments filling the double wall structure of the wings were stained in the same un- usual manner. This stain, when scraped off and examined, resembled soot from a stovepipe, showing that the air had been going through the wing in an incessant stream carrying the smoke and carbon particles of the fire with 1t. I had been the slave of preconceived ideas.
 And this brings me to the device that scars the bird. What Is a feather? It is an air engine. and the bird surfaces are made of them They have been looked on as light. flexible material for making an extended surface impervious to air that would readily fold upon itself, and their exquisite mechanical structure has been overlooked.
 They consist of a quill and two vanes made up of spicules, between which are the plates. The plates cross a channel
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
Cost of the Panama Canal.

Peter Mcqueen in Leslies Weekly.
 At present the idea is to build canal
 with locks. but I have no idea that this
 will ever be done. A sea-level canal is
 the only one that will finally be feasible
 The tide at Panama Is eighteen feet; the
 tide at Colon Is eighteen inches. When
 our engineers get down into the Culebra
 cut they will doubtless, very reasonably,
 report that the locks and gates are great
 impedimenta. People here look upon a
 sea-level canal as a foregone conclusion.
 By sinking the Culebra cut eighteen feet
 more than the present surveys call for,
 rhis result can be obtained. That means
 $50, 100000 at one clip. Before we have
 mastered the problems of health, rain
 wind and tide, mountain cutting and level dredging. this isthmian ditch will prob ably cost half billion dollars.
 The Colombian government is another question. l had several long conversa- tions with Dr. Mutis-Durrand, the finest product of Colombian civilization, an able jurist and formerly governor of the province of Panama. He opines that all parties In Colombia favor the canal, and favor giving America all reasonable con sessions. But even this splendid. broad gauge Colombian statesman hestates about passing over to us the Jurisdiction of Panama and Colon. Panama city is a ODdillSH CDIIlIiluiilty Ol 1OfVuo very charming in situation and romantic in history; but just unsantary as can be. As my genial friend, Capt Beers. of the Panama railroad expressed 1t: Be tween the heavy rains and the buzzards, the streets of Panama are as clean as a whistle"
 These. then, are approximately some of the difficulties involved in the construct ing of the canal; 1. Immense problems in sanitation. 2. Great difficulties of climate to be overcome. 3. Critical diplomatic re- lations with the Colombian government, which can only be overcome with great patience and toleration. 1. The inevitable increase of expense above the original of cost The most careful finan- cial observers assure me that the cost of this undertaking with the expenses at tached to it's operation will be to our government about s12.0OO, 900 a year, while the tariffs resulting from the worlds trade will, on the same estimate give us only S,oOO,0O0; thus leaving a deficit of $5,00O.000 a wear
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
THE UNION MUTUAL
Aid Association of Mobile, AIa.-A
 coIored Enterprise Doing Business After the Fashion of Business Men.
Mobile, Ala. September 25, 19O

Mobile Ala, September 25, 1902 Prof J. H. Phillips, Dist. Mgr, Union Mutual Aid Assn, Birmingham, Ala. Dear Sir-The complete list of death claims against the Union Mutual Aid Association, as result of the stampede at the Shiloh Baptist church on the 18th inst, having been submitted, we hasten to forward you 5000 with which you will at once settle these claims.
 Kindly notify the beneficiaries that they may apply for same. Their relatives and friends, together with the other sorrow ing ones who have been called upon to weep In the midst of mirth, have a claim upon our sympathy.
 This you and your agents will bear to them as best you can. Assuring you of our confidence fin you all, we are yours truly, C.. F. JOHNSON,
 Secretary and General Manager. Birmingham, Ala, September 27. 1902. Received of J. H. Phillips. superinten- dent U M. A. Assn. of Mobile, $45S. full settlement for burial of members killed in stampede Shiloh Baptist church, Sep tember 19, 1902.
 (signed) CHAs. M. HARRIS & CO,
 Per Harris,
 Official Undertakers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
HE SENDS IT FREE TO MEN. The Following Letter From a churn
 Manufacturer Speaks for Itself.

DEAR EDITOR:-If any of your read CTS are suffering from Lost Manhood Nervous Debility. Shrunken Organs Sexual Weakness, etc., and want a sure quick cure, tell them to write to me and I will gladly send them a free pre- scription with full directions for a home treatment in plain, sealed envelope -one that know will do the work There is no charge whatever, just tell them to write me in confidence and will show them how to avoid scheming med teal quacks and regain their health with out personal embarrassment. Yours re- spectfully.
 THOS. BRADFORD,
 249 Bradford Bldg. Cincinnati, o.
 .lOther papers please copy) 9-7-su-tu-thurs-lmo
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
THE FERD MARK STORE.

about one-fortieth of an inch wide, made by the spicules. There are about 1000 of them to the inch, being practically in- numerabe. and they are located at the outer surface, filling about one-fifth part of the depth of the channel. They are about the twenty part of an inch thick, as nearly as an amateur with a microscope could determine, so that nineteen-twentieths of the space of the channels is open to the passage of air.
 The mechanical service of the plates is obvious. The curve impinges against the air current through the feathers and drives the bird to the front. Pressure produced by the normal factor of weight Is thus made to serve as the motive pow or of flight.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
First Suit by punkards.
Ie pbiIadeInhia. Record.

From the Philadelphla Record.
 Huntingdon, Pa, Sept. 1.-The jury to- day awarded a verdict for $9250 In the breach of promise suit instituted by Cora A Keim of Elk Lick against Prof. l. Harvey Brumbaugh, acting president of Juniata college of this town. The trial lasted four days, and created a sensation, due to the prominence of the principals in church and educational circles, and Tor the further reason that both are Dunkards. This suit is the first that has occurred in the history of the church.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
OPIUM CURE.

Positive. painless and permanent home cure for opium, morphine and other drug habits Treatment contains great vital principle. You can attend to your busi- ness while taking treatment. The only treatment that has received the indorse- ment of the medical profession.
 Treatment is prepared for either hypo- dermic or internal use. Sample bottle sent free, postpaid on application, also literature containing testimonials from hundreds of prominent business and pro- fessional men. including United States consuls. senators. congressman gover- nors, mayors, ministers, lawyers, doctors and merchants.
 When impossible for patients to go to Memphis for treatment they will be fur nished with home remedies at prices within the reach of all, by the use of which alcoholism, optimism or other drug habits and tobacco and cigarette habits can be cured. Address. Chas. B. James, or Lock Box 1000, Memphis, Tenn.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
Silks, Velvets, Etc.
UNDERPRICED.

2Sinch, pure evening shades quality. Velour 9inch shades extremely stylish, $1.25 quality, Esprit evening shades qual
 
 Tafa Silk 9inch and shades 89c quality guaranteed quality 20inch, mourning
 
  gSc s6inch, quality
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
Chronos.

From the Philadelphia Press.
 Belcher-What was the use in showing Nuritch through our art galleries? He couldn't appreciate your paintings
 Kulcher-Well, he seemed interested and surprised.
 Belcher, Really, what did he say?
 Kulcher-"Geel what lot of em you've got. You must "a bought an awful lox O tea in your time''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
How He Knew.

From Puck.
 The Cook Gas Mir. Potluck, the amateur hunter, returns to the camp)-Walk far today?
 Mir. Potluck-Just forty-seven milesl
 The Cook-Great cats You're crazyi What makes you think you walked forty seven miles?
 Mir. Potluck-why, a miss is as good as a mile, isn't 1t?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
DRUNKEaESS & nPlUM HABITS

S Over 6O01 Opium & 0Whiskey Patients Have been successfully treated by Dr. Samuel Morrow of Memphis, Tenn, who Is the medical director of the "Old Home stead Sanatorium' at Memphis.
 Mr. Charles B. James. who was the pioneer in the ''Keeley Institute" busi- ness in the south, says a great many peo- pie object to being known as "graduates'' or an institute" He therefore calls his Sanatorium the "Old Homestead" where patients can be treated without publicity. By the improved treatment employed at the Old Homestead Sanatorium the pa uent is restored to a normal condition without undergoing nervous shock and without injury to the sexual organs When patient gets through he is vigor- ous and ready to go to work.
 When impossible for patients to go to Memphis for treatment they will be fur nished with home remedies at prices within the reach of all. by the use of which alcoholism optimism or other drug habits and tobacco and cigarette habits Can be cured
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
Have moved to 2O18 1st Av- enue. Godden's Seed Store.

Don't move that old stove! I'll swap you a new one for it. s. Spiro, 1920 3d Ave.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28
The PrettieSt Hats
 -,> EVER N-
 Birmingham.

This the universal opinion Opening Days-We heard expressed all sides-and felt very grateful the Hes Ferd Marx Syles-in than egeths of them. Monday place sale forty Black Hats
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-28

Cincinnati Ste a m Dye Works are loc ted now at 4l3 North 2Oth Street.