davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
Small Bows.

Small boys are looked upon by the
devil with some pride as one of his
most successful inventions.
After careful consideration one is
forced to the conclusion that they
have not a single good quality.
They are never thoroughly happy
unless they are killing either their
sisters favorite doll or their little
sister. They are only truthful when
drawing attention to the physical pc
culiarities of their fathers visitors
They will not be affectionate unless
their hands and mouth are jammy
after tea and you have a new suit on
And they are so noisy that married
men who own one of them can sleep
In the parrot house at the ZOO.
And when once the small boy is
will to get rid of him. Perch him
for the first time in his life on a BIZ
cycle, and allow him to ride down the
steep hill without brake. and IL will
be the good old lady crossing the road
who dies. Send him to the river with
little boat to SAIL and it will be the
little boat that gets drowned. Place
box of matches in his way, and it
will be the handsome Persian rug that
becomes ashes. The parents will al
ways be bafIled.
That is the average small boy. Even
Feligious people have been known to
have one.
There is another sort who is always
quite good. He is much worse, and,
fortunately, dies young.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
chicaoo Men Not Gallant.

The lack of gallantry on the part OF
Chicago's men was never so forcibly
illustrated as in the case of sweet
Beulah Corley, who had the misfor-
tune TO be found drunk in a doorway.
writes Roswell Field in the Chicago
Evening Post. When she was fined by
the Judge, and had no money to save
her from the bridewell, she appealed
to the spectators. offering to marry
any man who would pay her fine and
save her from further disgrace. And
in this whole city there was none to
heed her cry. 1t is true that most men
would shrink from a hasty promise to
love and cherish young woman WIN
leaped into fame by decorating door
way while in a condition of intoxica-
tion, but we dare say the knights OF
old would have responded chivalrously
to the invitation. Still at the prevail
ing prices for meat and coal. Beulah
must not be surprised that gallantry
has it's limits. We hope by this time
that the fine has been paid. without
the added incumbrancc. and that she
will go and sin no more.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
HUSBAND IN NAME ONLY.
Curious Contract Between Couple Re-
Gently Made in Berlin

Gently Made in Berlin.
Here is curious advertisement
which recently appeared in a Berlin
paper "A distinguished lady desires
to marry a genuine count; will pay
well for the title"
A few days after 1t appeared a
genuine count called on the "distin.
guisned lady" who was a divorced
actress. and told her that, If they
could agree as to terms, he would be
most happy to marry her. He admit.
ted that his income was only 5000 a
year, and that, therefore, he was con.
stantly in need of money.
In a rev minutes the two came to
an agreement, and a contract was
signed. The count will receive $500
on the day of the wedding, and as
soon as he receives it he will leave
his wife and never again approach
her, Moreover, he pledges himself to
give his wife, within two months after
their marriage ample cause for pro.
curing a divorce from him, and she in
turn promises to pay him $4,000 on
the day when the divorce is granted.
This singular contract was drawn
by lawyer. whose Office is in the
Friedrichstrasse, and is said to be per.
fectly valid.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
TROUBLE BEGINS.

Trouble begins with the first back
ache.
Backacho comes in many forms
sudden twinges OF pain, sharp stitches,
slow. exhaustive aches.
Most backache pains are kidney
pains.
The kidneys fail to perform the
duties nature intends them to do ana
the warning of trouble comes through
the back.
Neglect the kidney warning grave
complications will surely follow.
Urinary disorders, Diabetes.
Brights Disease. are the downward
steps OF neglected kidneys.
Doan's Kidney Pills cure every kid
ney and bladder sickness and the
cure lasts. Read this proof Of It,
Mrs. Adam Guntle. residing at 701
South Plum ST., Crawfordsville, Ind.
says: II made public statement in
1897, saying that Doan's Kidney Pills
had cured a member of our family
after he had suffered for years with
weak back and kidney troubles.
He took three boxes OF this remedy
and was completely cured. Now three
years have elapsed since | made this
statement and am only too pleased
to reindorse 1t. | have also used
Doans Kidney Pills myself, obtaining
the best results. have recommended
this remedy to my friends and neigh.
bors as one which can always be de-
pended upon"
A FREE TRIAL OF this great Kid.
ney medicine which cured Mrs
Guntle will be mailed on application
to any part Of the United States. Ad-
dress Foster-Milburn Co. Buffalo
N. Y. For sale by all druggists, price
80 cents per box.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
Shah as Shopkeeper.

When a certain late shah of Per.
sia became temporarily embarrassed
for money he had quite a unique meth
cd of filling his purse. He would GO
to the market, where. after examin
ing the shops, he would select one
and turning to the proprietor would
say: "Will you take me in as a part
ner in your business for the day?'
The offer was, of course, eagerly ac
cepted The shah would take his seat
near the shop entrance, and say to
his courtiers, whom he always took
with him on these occasions: Nov
I'm the salesman. Who'll buy?" The
latter, not daring to refuse the offers
of the royal merchant, set about clear
ing the shop Of its contents, paying
sometimes $3.50 for goods that were
not worth $50. No one was allowed
to beat down prices or TO leave the
place without making purchases
When everything was sold the shah
had list OF the cost price of each
article made out, and Loyalty shared
with the shopkeeper the amount oi
the profit realized.-Pearson' Weekly
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

And what are the principal shots in
billiards. asked the fair young dam
sci of the wise young man.
The kiss, the follow, the bank and
the draw" he replied.
How lovely!" she exclaimed. ut
is almost like a courtship. First the
lover gets a kiss, then he follows the
girl all about, and then"
And then" interrupts the man,
who aspires to pessimism, "and then
they get married AID he goes to the
bank and draws, for that is his cue,
unless he wishes to be frozen" ....
(For the benefit of the unsuspecting
reader we will state that cue" and
frozen" also are billiard terms. There
are still more that might be worked
into the little jeu d esprit, such as
scratch" break" drive" Tip, ta.
bic" run etc, but lack of space
prevents carrying the theme. " the
bitter end0
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
Mainly
About
People.

quite as garrulous when sober as men
are when in their cups, and their con-
,versation is often just as well worth
hearing
AS a rule they have more heart than
head. THIS Is apt to render them
,thoughtless A woman will walk to
the end of the street, then turn sharp
ly round without looking to see
whether there is any one Immediately
behind her, and as a consequence,
gouge your eyes out with the end OF
her sunshade. Sometimes she will beg
your pardon, but | have known one
just Zip the eye off the ferrule into
the gutter and sail serenely on with
out saying a word.
They used to be called the gentle
sex. But one day man saw some Of
them entering dry goods store as the
door opened on the first day of a
clearance sale.
II has been remarked that they look
nice at prayer, so they keep the
churches going. At the same time,
their versatility is really wonderful.
They can be splendidly dishonest
and unconsciously so, and lady com
pany directors are only a matter OF
time.
They think a man fine fellow
when they are engaged to him. But
the sad thing about engagements is
that they often lead to marriage. Still,
in spite of all, women are quite one Of
the incest sexes, and If only they will
keep silly instead of trying to be men
| cannot help thinking there is fu-
ture for them. Their patience is GER
tainly wonderful. The poor things
have no pockets.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
A Retributive sting.

A man who was engaged in writing
anecdotes and such things for pubIica
tion read his latest effort to his wife
Don't you think that's pretty
good?" he asked.
1T is good, but it's not new.
have heard it before" she answered
Yes, | know you have; but you
heard it from me. it has never been
in print"
Il have heard it more than once
and have told 1t several times my
SELF" she insisted.
"Oh, well, | am going to send II
along" he snarled. Il don't care
if you have told 1t. That doesn't Of
absolute necessity spoil it. although
it does, | must confess, militat,
against II good deal"
And that was the reason why h,
had to subsist on cold vIctuala for |,
week thereafter.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
Babies.

Babies are one of the incidents OF
marriage. There are fewer marriages
every year.
They have great larks sometimes
with young couples by ignoring the
notice Boy Wanted and coming as
girls.
Another joke they are fond OF is
hunting in couples.
They are not much to look at, and
a man has been known to knock an
other man down for telling him he was
once one of them.
They cry a lot at first because they
want to ask who they are, and cant.
Fathers would generally throw them
away, but the mothers will not have
It, A mothers love is the most won
derful thing in the world.
An ugly feature of babies Is that
they are apt to grow up into small
boys.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

and of your fate. They believe theii
mother is dead, and that she died a
true mother and an honorable woman.
And you are dead to me and to them"
Without further word he slipped a
bank note in the hand of the weep.
ing woman and hurried into the sta.
ton. where he boarded the train
which had Just rolled in.
Five minutes later as the train
slowly moved out of the station Bart.
man looked out OF the car window
and saw the woman still sitting ana
weeping where he had left her. He
also saw the man whom he had
knocked down in the saloon approach
the woman, take the bank note from
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
Women.

Women were put here to make the
world look pretty, though the fashion
papers have never guessed this.
They are fond of dressing, except
at dances and dinner parties. A great
traveller once met lady friend. whom
he had not seen for many years, at a
dance. why, how you have altered" ="
said the lady. Il declare, | should not
you" retorted the man, from Eve"
Another hobby is talking, They are
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

went to the woman and, taking her
by the arm, raised her up and led
her out of the house. AS the loungers
began to follow he checked them with
an imperious wave of the hand.
The woman, with head bent down,
walked beside Bartman until they
came close to the station. where she
sank down upon a curbstone.
You can never forgive me-" she
sobbed, not raising he. head.
Il can say this much" said Bart.
man, which may give you some sat.
isfaction, If you have any good re-
naming in you: Your children and
mine do not know of your conduct
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
DIALECT SYMPOSIUM

Wiz nottings you somesingg cannc;
get.-Johnny Crapaud
Der egg fried gif der yellow yicn
iss elm bore.-Yawcob Spieler.
H'if this h. is 'ot weather, wot h. IN
Greenland will winter be like?-John
Cockney.
It's the funny men wha think a
Scotsman Gamma see a joke-Ths
Nan in Breeks.
Howiy smoke! These dialect wroit.
RS II droive me datfy.-Bryan Bor,l
Gosh all hemlock.-Reuben Yank.
Detroit Evening News.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
Men.

Men are what women mary. They
drink, and smoke, and swear, and
have ever so many pockets, but won't
go to church. Perhaps if they wore
bonnets they might. They are more
logical than women, and also more
geological. Both men and women
have sprung from monkeys, but the
women certainly sprang further than
the men.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
The Living Dead.
by GIDEON HICKS.

bl nlDbON NUNS
Copyright. 1902 by Daily Story Pub Coz
George Bartman was travelling west
for the rest and recreation he needed
after some years of absorption in a
successful business in an eastern city.
He had stopped over for few days
in q Colorado town and was standing
on the platform OF the railway sta
ton awaiting the arrival of the train
which was to carry him on his jour
ney farther west. The train was twen-
ty minutes late, and he was Willing
away the time watching the scenes
about him.
There was some commotion in front
of a saloon near the station. A man
and woman seemed to be strug
Cling, while an interested crowd Of
loungers laughed and jeered.
Moved by curiosity the traveller
walked towards the saloon, and as
he drew near he heard the woman
pleading
You've drunk enough, Jim. Please
come home
At the sound of her voice Bartman
olOHDtu ShuuGnlNs anu luCu Oi
pulse hurried forward. Making his
way through the crowd he saw a
brutishlooking man-red-eyed and
bloatedAand a satternly woman
holding to his arm and trying to
draw him away from the saloon. The
woman it could be seen, had once
been beautiful, but she was now a
pitlful wreck.
rs she his wife?" asked a by
stander
81 s'pose. So" answered another.
She come here with Jim Shofter
bout five years ago He 'peared to
have lots o money, and they lived a
high-hyin' life. Jim got to gamblin'
and drinkin' and gon' all the gaits
at heIl-roarin' rate til he went down
into the gutter and she went with
! him. | spose she's one o. them fool
women .thatll stick to man and go
go to the devil with him, no matter
how much he abuses her"
Does he beat her?"
Treats her. like a Cog, and she
hangs to him like a dog in spite of
] his NuSStuItSSs do IL htl bdlN dllOu uG-
| pended on him.
! Shofter shook himself free from the
woman and made his way unsteadily
into the saloon. The woman followed
him and. others Of the crowd went in
hartman also entered the saloon
| SASjfter was standing at the counter
as the bartender prepared to serve
i'm, Iriplr Of vii ah or
| for the nickel he had placed on the
bar The woman took hold of him
/ again and said,
Jim, YOU shan't drink any more.
Come away"
1 Shofter turned fiercely and mutter-
| ing an oath, struck her in the face.
To the astonishment of AL Bart
man stepped quickly forward and
with a well-directed blow felled the
drunkard to the floor. Then with his
hand at his hip, facing the people
who had crowded into the saloon, he
showed himself ready to meet any
attack that might be made to resent
| his action.
The fallen man rose with difficulty
corner OF the room.
No one else moved except the
woman. who rushed up to Bartman
gazed a moment intently in his face
and then, covering her own face with
her hands. covered down by the
counter.
Seeing that no interference was at
tempted or contemplated. Bartman
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
uother aray.. sreet rorder. For ChIldren

Successfully used by Mother Gray, nurse
In the Children's Home in New York. Cures
feverishness, Bad Stomach, Teething Dis
orders, move and regulate the Bowels and
Destroy Worms. Over 30, 900 testimonials
At all druggists, 25c. Sample FREE. Adj
dress Allen s. Olmsted. LeRoy, N. Y.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

A Chicago girl has applied TO the
Circuit Court to have her name
changed. There are lots of other girls
who could tell her a quicker ard mo!c
satisfactory way of securing the same
result.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Pa Zimmerman has given to the
Manchester baby s250,OO0. The duke
will now be able to work up quite
a little popularity with chorus girls
for year or two.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Bury me quietly. was led like
othars''-the pitiful self-written ohitu'
airy of a pretty girl who died alone.
one OF those warning minor notes al
ways kept from the ears they ought to
reach b. the blarng notes OF the gay
city'S Wild dance music.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

II the coal barons ever saw some oi
the verses written about them, which
editors receive every day by the
dozen, they would settle the strike in.
stanter
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

The statement comes from New Jer
sey that since the law requiring wit
nesses to kiss the Bible when taking
an oath was repealed. perjury has in
creased to a marked degree.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

King Leopold of Belgium serds
word that he will not while in Ameri.
ca drink wine from the slipper of any
chorus girl That is an old habit,
and he isn't coming here 10 do things
that ne has been doing in Paris for
years.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Sir Tommy is a Jolly good fellow.
and all that, but he might as well
know first as last that we can beat
him with an airship or any other kind
of a ship, except, possibly, good fei.
lowship.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Harvard this year has more than
1000 students-a few OF whom will
gee their names printed frequently in
the daily papers
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

An exchange reports that a Maine
man has gone crazy through fear the
trust bogey would get him. There are
others.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

II Kipling cant secure privacy in his
new home, which is FIVE miles from a
railway station, he will doubtless try
a balloon
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Every time a horse wins at 100 to
1 a large number Of foolish people feel
that they have lost money by not
playing the races.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Unfortunately. most of the advice
given about climbing the ladder OF
success is given by those who are at
the foot o. it.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Let us clear the atmosphere, "
says the Louisville Courier,J Journal
What! another smart set thunder-clap
from Colonel Watterson?
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

When Prof Zeublin told the Mime.
npolis convention what he thought of
the coal strike Mr. Baer's lett ear
must have burned.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

1t may Re possible to teach monkeys
to talk, as Prof GARNER still insists,
but il is unnecessary. There is too
much monkey talk already.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
Innovation in RerlIn-

Berlin has its first female BARRIERS
the wife and daughter of a hair
dresser. In Bohemia, Hungary and
Scandinavia there are many women
BARRIERS.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
PRESTON p. SHAW.
OKLAHOMA

King Football is rapidly running up
his score of broken bones.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

A New York woman claims that the
novelist "Ouida" is an American.
What has America done to this New
York woman?
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

A Judge in Salem has ruled that
money is not gambling imple
ment." The learned gentleman is evi
IDENTITY unfamiliar with poker, our ma
tional game.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Putting fancy prices on coal when
ther~Is none in the market is a harm
less amusement of the dealers.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

A woman writer claims to have
discovered a new walk pracuced by
men. She calls it the -. Pierpont
Morgan walk" To do il properly you
must think you are walking on the
necks of your enemies.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

The coming vogue of the mutton leg
sleeve may be regarded as another
protest against the beef trust
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Another pie famine has been averted
and the nation is relieved Of the fear
of at least one terrible calamity.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

All that we can hope for now is that
Yohe and Strong may not get divorced
and do more harm.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Some wall paper, costing $25 a roll,
which reached Kansas the other day,
is called Wall street paper
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

The Partisan professors are not in.
clined to treat the new comet with
ordinary French comfy.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

should bachelors he taXed?" They
are taxed now with all the faults and
foibles TO which sinful man is prone.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Ping pong ought to have remarkable
vogue this winter 1t is a great pro.
ducer OF caloric
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

!. I II is pretty early for members OF
the Australian commonwealth to talk
secession.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

An .. server says the old world Is
growing young again"-second child.
hood, perhaps.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25
GODS APPOINTMENTS.

This thing on which thy iieart was set.
This thing that cannot be,
This weary. disappointing day, that
dawns,
My friend, for thee:
BE somfortbd God knoweth best, the
God whose name
Is love.
Whose tender care is evermore our pass
ing
Lives above.
lie sends thee disappointment? Well.
then,
Take It from his hand.
Shall Gods disappointment seem less
good than
What thyself had planned?
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Russell Sage declares that prices
are too high. lie must need new
hat
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Only an amateur artist wculd at
tempt to paint a toper's nose in water
colors.
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

Zola was buried in style taat he
would have delighted to write aDoit
Anadarko daily democrat. [volume] (Anadarko, Oklahoma) 1901-190?, 1902-10-25

God bids thee ta~ry now and then. for
bear
The weak complaint:
Gods leisure brings the weary rest, and
cordial gives
The faint,
God bids thee labor, and the place is
thick with
Thorn and brier:
But he will share the hardest task. until
he calls
Thee higher.
so take each disappointment, friend; tits
at thy
Lords commando
Shall Gods appointment seem less good
than
What thyself had planned?"