The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-07-16

ssss -
very old book. lie who carCth not for
his own household is worse than 4 hca-
them" When | had concluded my re-
marks, my friend John Sharp Williams
of Mississippi. one Of the finest sch0l-
ars and most brilliant men i'll the
house, having graduated at or from
the universities Of Virginia and IIci-
delbcrg. came along and said, "Champ,
YOU got your Scriptural quotation
wrong" | asked him to write it out
for me, which he did. as follows: He
that prOviIGth not for those of his own
household is worse than an intidel."
Supposng that he knew what he was
talking about. when the reporters gave
ME the notes Of my speech for revision,
having no Bible at hand to verify the
quotation, l wrote it in as Williams
had it. Next morning when The Rec
ord appeared l was greatly surprised
to discover that he did not know much
more about it than l did and that we
each had made bad staggGr at quot
ing the book Of books, for the Argus
eyed proofreader had changed it SO as
to read, IF any provide not for his
own and especially for those of his
own house, he hath denied the faith
and is worse than an infidel."
Herb"rn's jnhammable Condition.
Colonel William Peters Hepburn of
Iowa in debate is Savage as 4 meat
az" In private he is amiable and likes
to borrow the words of sweet Robbie
Burns, "a rousing Wild at times to
vend."
In the Fifty-siXth congress, when
one of Loud's postoffice bills was
dragging it's weary length along" Mr..
Gardner of New Jersey, Colonel Hep
burn and myself fell into conversation.
Gardner claimed me as one of his con-
stituents because my father was born
in his district, county and township.
Hepburn said he thought 1 was Q ma
tive Missourian. l replied: ''No. I
was born in Kentucky and was never
out Of that state or saw mosquito or
q steamboat until l was o." The word
mosquito stirred his memory, and he
said: when l was in the army in
August, 1863, l was detained for
week in Mississippi river bottom
down in Arkansas. The mosquitoes
nearly ate US up. l rubbed coal oil
On myself as a preventive till l was
so thoroughly saturated with it that I
was afraid to blush for fear Of taking
frew
Pleasantries Of Debate.
1t may appear strange, but it is nev
ertheiesS true. that members WHO are
personally friendly take more liberties
with each other in debate than do
those who are unfriendly.
When the river and harbor bill Of the
Fifty-sixth congress was under discus
sion. Mr.. Hepburn propoundcd the
theory that boating on the Missouri
river had dwindled to the vanishing
point by reason of what he Genominat-
ed the great and unusual "slope" Of
that stream. To that theory respond
ed as follows:
"Does the gentleman from Iowa
(C1sonel Hepburn believe that there
has been any notable change in the
conformation of the earth's crust in
that part of the continent within the
last so years? Is the source of the
Missouri river any farther above the
level Of the Mississippi now than it
was when Robert Fulton invented the
steamboat? Have the mountains Of
Montana lifted their lofty heads any
nearer to heaven or has the bed Of the
Father of Waters sunk any closer to
the center Of the earth within his rec
ory? Does he think that the slope
of that river is any greater now than
when steamboating was in its palmy
days and when hundreds Of thousands
of passengers and countless tons Of
freight went up and down from st.
Louis to Fort Benton in those gorgeous
floating palaces which were the pride
and glory of the western country?
Does he believe that the Missouri
river slopes both ways? While l
listened to his annual spcech-pleasant
because an old acquaintance, familiar
to the ears as household words by rea-
son of its frequent iteration-1 con-
cluded that he must harbor that wild
hallucination; otherwise his theory of
slopes sinks into repulsive nothing
ness, as Rider Haggard's She for it
stands to reason and to nature that If
the slope of the Missouri river forbids
boating up stream it eXDedites it down
stream. eX necessitate, and in that way
exactly evens up the whole thing.
THE learned gentleman's theory as
to slopes is about on par with Marx
Twain's mathematical demonstration
that if the Mississippi river continues
to shorten itself for given number OF
years at the rate it has been proceed
ing on that line for the last $50 years
Cairo and New Orleans will be jam
med together as one city and the Mis-
sissippi river will stick out several hun
dred miles over the gulf Of Mexico"