The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1902-02-07
SPINNING WHEEL.

kosily, an ''howly dos" of greetin'
TO the iected place of meetin'-
Amaziah Zeh'sul Tipkins took the middle of
Thur hain'.t no sense ner reason,
Se! MaZiah with wink,
Why other folks should kick asin
Jest what Il man'll drink
AN tncn ne amhled lofty with Perkins
crecpiu'
WITH hn 4 4% t the old stairs acre"kin
trum the barrel thatw as Dustin from
the spiSot to the sink.
Then lIczckah slocum took
\ herrin from the pail,
An peeled it frum the giZZard
TO the neither end Of tail;
An leanin' casual he sighed: In kennc.
bunk yer see
They dried the Goldfish on the sandy
Beach. h'yosh: where all was handy.
1T with nail"
Said Perkins, tho proprietor
Say, Azarial Peterkns,
t"nSar!lin' of yer son
Hes slipt in debt f'r cigarettes an other
TO pay his lcbts-I wonder can you pony
Eorty-tive rrnts--thanks. on'y
N'nShnnel this here slight occurrence
;n~'' the cash behind has run.
l!"rac" Seymour Keller in New York Sun.
Few Shrvw'ler students Of human na-
tur" exist than the little donkey boys so
familiar t" the Egyptian tourists. The
tourist OF course has done much to quick
on this >llrewdness. Few persons have
such opportunities to study the various
POINTS and characteristics Of so many
different races and nutionalitieS. The
donkey boy who speaks less than half a
dozen languages is the exception. Incl
dent ally he doesn't amount to much AS Il
donkey hoy. success in that profession
depending largely upon ones ability to
address =; tourist in the latterS own
tongue. The names Of the t!onkcys vary
with the nationality of the tourist. The
identical animal which, when mounted
name, "McKinley." answers to "Glaa>
stone" when an English girl is upon his
back, or "Bislnarck" when the rider is
frau or fr"culein. An American woman
in Egypt this last season, upon asking
her donkey boy the name OF he; beast
no, not Gladstone" replied the American,
who had been in + gypt long enough to
know the tricks of the tourist trade. and
who by the way. is one of the very few
Americans who know how to speak their
own language: The donkey boy, LOCKED
haalf1-questione1: You no German"
lean: 'l'm no Gernan.' The donkey boy
looked puzzled. ''Donkey's name not
Gladstone. not Bismarck he repeated.
won WON no EnSs lHay yo" =" Ger an:
tourist. I'm an American" The donkey
boy laughed. ooh, no: you no Merican.
lady" he said. incredulously; ''yon no.
pinching his nostrils together with pair
Of grimy tngcrs-''you no talk through
your nose. New York Evening Sun.
THE man is Il driveling IDIOT, said the
trust magnate.
"A plumb fool" agreed the coal baron
An unmitigated lunatic," assented the
steel king.
Crazy as a March hare assevcrated
the great tinancier.
"a hopeless imbecile,' asserted the
power in Wall street.
"Absolntcly and utterly devoid Of
sense" chimed in the senator.
AS brainleSS as Il barrel, added the
corporation lawyer.
But what has he dOne?' asked the
ordinary citizen.
The crowd was convulsed with laugh
why. he says" they replied. choking
and gurging, The actually says that
money isn't everything. Alex. Ricketts,,
in Smart Set.
\ good story comes from Houston,
Tex, on Samuel Martin, an auctOneer
and whose home is in Milwaukee. The
story goes that Mr.. Martin was selling
Il line of fine jewelry and in the course
Of the sale put mp fine $500 diamond
ring. A frisky and excitable dog was
jewel and Mr.. Martins words that he
stood OH his hind legs frisked about,
barking joyously. Suddenly Mr.. Mar
tin let the ring slip from his fingers. and
the dog at the same instant leaped up
ward with a joyous bark. The ring and
the dog met in the middle, and in some
way the ring Topped right into the dogs
mouth. The bark was cut in two in the
middle and the dog was almost stran-
,led. When he recovered, the ring was
in the dogs anatomy.
The crowd: stood paralyzed over the
seeming loss of the ring. All except
Mr.. Martin, who Immediately grabbed
gentlemen. we have here probably the
most valuable dog in the world. He is
quite eccentric. feeds on diamonds, and,
as he is now. l will warrant he is one Of
the most valuable slices of dog meat to
to be found anywhere. He is also
to catch rats OF use him as lap dog,
YOU can convert him into jewelry cas-
ket. which l will guarantee is burglar
proof. No saiecracker can work the
combination on this dog. Now, ladies
and gentlemen, how much am l offered
for this burglar-proof. combination-jcw-
clry-casket and house dog?'
1t is sale the dogs owner purchased
him for the full value of the diamond.
Mr.. Martin. however, says tho story is
joke Of the worst sort.-Evcning Wis
ronsin.
-:O:-
The colonel Of a British regiment of
whom Good Words tells, was noted for
his precision and love Of order One day.
after parade he complained to his band
master. "Jenkins," said he, 1.-The from
bone players are spelling the appearance
Of the entire battalion. "'Ow 50. sir?'
Jenkins asked. Not enough unf0rmi-
IT," replied the colonel. "You must see
in future that the men move those slid
ing things in and out together"
Mr.. Green of Wichita, Kas., who has
just celebrated his ninety-sixth birthday,
was neighbor Of Martin Van Buren,,
whom he disliked. He saw and talked
with Il man who witnessed the famous
ride of Gen. Putnam and who said that
Putnam did not ride down the steps. but
descended a hill beside them. He knew
Aaron Rnrr Admiral noootur Dros;1ont