Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1902-07-18
NO. 20.
PRESIDENT AT OYSTER BAY.
News OF the Day as Depicted by the
Gentle Satirist of the New York
Sun

0un.
Come Alice. let me show you the Won
derland of Oyster Bay where a Presi-
dents normal life on vacation excites
more than gubblechuh IL is a pretty
station. Mosquitoes meet all trains
separating the leather-skinned from the
edible. Are these the pirates of oyster
BayY Quite so. Each is captain of n
one morse rig which will sail you to Saga
more HILL They are the recrudescence
or the Niagara Falls hackman. Let us
submit to their extortions driving slowly
through the village that we may see the
outer fringe of life here
See the man in the quack-quack trous-
ers screaming as he runs to the tele-
graph office. What is he saying? "Quen-
tin has thrown his father over the fencel'
1t will be told to New York in red ink on
the fudge page.
But stay another man halts him! He,
too, has news that Is worthy of the
colored inks. Yes, 1t is as we feared.
The President has changed his policy.
This morning, it seems. he used sand
Sudspolio in the bath. He tubbed this
afternoon with Spares
He can't float it," cries the indignant
statesman.
Let US move on. How green the hedg-
es and lawns that skirt the way to Saga
more Hill. Is there a secret service man
behind each blade of grass? Myl There
" H.
Here is the private lane of the Roose-
welt estate. History is making under
that roof beneath the shade of these
trees and from the float near the bath
house hard by. Where will the great
Littlefield conference be held in August
month? On the Sound? Mostly.
VIII Mr.. Littlefeld be taken a-bathing?
Hardly. Octopi run close to shore in
these waters. He will need all his arms
and legs for gestures in next Congress.
Observe that tree Standing beneath
1t, we are told, the President told Secre-
tary Root the best bait for gubblechubs
Is the Octopus fry or a broiler? We
must wait for the next annual report Of
the Secretary of War
The children have found a new game to
play on the barn top. That flying man
with camera streaming behind him has
learned the name. too and soon the
cables will be warm with it, Frying
the Friars' is played with a lukewarm
egg and a dull thmble. 1t is a delicate
game.
Behind the bushes over there the Presi-
dent told Senator McLaurin who will get
the dead mans shoes in the Court of
Claims The Senator has small feet
yet they can be stepped on.
Seven fat jobs are growing over in the
garden That is the Panama Canal Com
mission plant. Will our friend Jones
pluck one? He may. If he will make
mands. He must vote to retire the
Panama hat from the fashion hook next
summer That is the main purpose Of
this Panama commission.
This is Secretary Cortelyou coming over
the grass. He has a definition It is
smoothness without oil Men feel his
junction. but their hands are dry. II
Mr. Devery were here he'd call Mr..
Cortelyou "the goods. He has come
out to talk to the reporters. Has Kir-
met flung the groom into the sky? Does
the cook use yeast or baking powder? Is
the sugar which the President feeds the
saddler Bleistein, beet, cane or bogus?
Who sleeps in the oyster beds?
III we could look into the house we
might see the President lighting a cigar.
is 1t from the box which Leonard Wood
sent him or the present from the Chief
OF Police of Havana? 1t would not be
ethical to examine the box. Be assured
there is no Binghamton brand on II.
The man wringing his hands behind the
hedge is photographer. He did not
catch the President in bathing The Will
liam Gillette is showing him the return
route
How thoughtless of the President to
play tennis when there is n postmaster &
to be named in Four Bears? Does he
Know that a Chinese laundry trust has
advanced the price on pleated shirts right
here In Oyster Bay! Do pleats plead in
vain?
You forget that he is booked to speak
at three New England fairs on his next
trip, fearsome trial. which calls for a
study of hegemonic things
Let us leave him alone with the syno-
nyms. Another day We may return to
calculate how many tucks made a blouse
for Archie