The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-07-09
SPOKEN I'M JEST.

Washington Star. This seventeen-year
locust Is very dangerous animal. said
the student OF horticulture
-1eS, answered the youth with the
far-aEay and detected look: but IL
doesn't do nearly as much irreparable
damage as The L-year-old girl
Tit-Bits: A little boy 4 years old was
very much taken up with HIS Sunday
school teacher. But returning from
school the other Sunday, he went crying
70 his mother and told her the teacher
mad been telling stories.
ing?'' - - 'D o. &C., -
"He told us that angels watch all round
our bed at night"
so they do was the mothers reply
How can they. mamma, when my side
Tit-Bits: Clergyman Qately come to
parish)-Your neighbor Smith says my
sermons are rubbish.
Farmer-Ah, you needn't mind i'm, sir;
'e's merely mouthpiece for other folks.
Puck: First Boarder-A man can't live
Second Boarde1-No. At any rate, he
, can't boardsup 70 his ideals.
Uncle E6en. you finds a man dat I'd
create a better impression VIII de neigh
bors il he'd let de wheels o Euver' ment
take keer o. deer SETS while be pushes
New York Sun: Rev. FourthIy-AIy
good boy, how often have L told YOU it
is wrong to- go fishing on the Sabbath?
Tommy-Oh, 1 amt tryin' 10 get fish.
I'm jest castin' about for some of the
sermons you said were in the running
brooks.
Philadelphia Press: say she cried
suddenly, as the bashful young man
hacked INTO the nearest chair You must
! afr,I- -t,-1
BEG pardon" he stammered. 81 don't
understand what
You're on nay hatp' she shrieked.
Philadelphia Press: This hash" OBJ
jeeted the hungry boarder. is pretty
well explained the mistress of the
boarding house, you see. it is all the
fault of The trust
The rubber trust?" asked the hungry
For he had paid his bill and was a
. o o
Chicago Post: You had some trouble,
l believe" remarked the neighbor:
who had proved victor in disagreement
with her husband Is Twas Clancy had
all tn throubIe,"
Washington Star: You never demand
ed a vindication during your entire ca
reer?''
Never, answered senator sorghum, i
never eondescended to answer accusa-
tions ] have always found myself safe
IN assuming that the other fellows were
Just as uneasy in their conscienees as I
was. and | keep them busy looking for
vindications on their own account
Punch: Anxious Wife-Mr. Dunner has
called again for that money you owe. 1
wish you'd see about it, or something
dreadful VIII happen He says he won't
Hait-any-longer-a s-time-is-money.
Calm Husband-So it is, my love. I'd
forgotten. Tel him III pay HMM time
Washington Star: so my brave boy"
said the veteran, you are going into the
Il am" answered the high-browed
youth. my motto shall be Excelsior -
Don't adopt any such motto as that.
Well. then, Conquer or die? -
What would you suggest"
Think before you speak.
1T was during this feature of the pro-
ence 6Kan1.. Reporter. in writing up
wedding. that the only specially emo
tional feature of the evening occurred
J. j. Anderson, father of the bride, who
never before had shed tear found sew
eral of them rolling down his sun-burned
cheeks as he came forward TO kiss the
baby Immediately several of the ladies
began to shed tears, everybody was
somewhat excited, and in the slight con-
fusion the writer hereof found himself
embracing a lady who stood conveniently
near and who proved not his wife. He
Immediately apologized TO the lady and
was forgiven. He apologiZed again, later
on. TO his wife. with no very definite re-
turns up to this date"
g q g
Atlanta Constitution: De good man in
dis worl hez a hard row ter hoe, but de
beauty of il iS-he hoes it,
De people what shouts halleluia de
longest amt got half ez good a chance
ez dem what feels it in dey heart
Hits a bad thing ter say de day er
Judgment is fur off. De only thing dat II
suit desc sinners is quick trials