The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-06-29
SPOKEN
IN JEST "

Puck: Mrs. Hoon-The deacon is such
Mr.. Hoon-Yes; but sometimes I fancy
his halo is d trifie too small for his head.
Chicago Record Herald: Little Johnny
My. paws a Republican. What's your
Little Georgie-He says he's independ-
ent, but nav outlines his foreign policy.
Chicago RecOrd-Herald: PA, what's a
dema gOgue?'
"A political candidate who is nominated
by the other party
When he's most unsuccessful
Although it seems quite queer
The bill collectors sure to have
Philadelphia Press.
g g q
Puck: Then the police didn't raid the
pool room
NO, When they got there they found
that somebody had neglected to give the
tip and the place. was running full blast.
Life: Suppose we win the international
yacht race this year-what does II
1T proves that we still have the fastest
Of useless sailing craft"
Puck: When the good old man saw six
large boys -hammering one small boy
within an inch of his life his curiosity
@Wby do you do this?" he asked.
i Because ne takes medicine for 10 cents
when the union scale IS 10 cents. e1-
planned the large bovs. eourteously.
sTit-Bits: Well cook, and what did
you think Of ito
S'Lor' mum. she sang beautHuI-just as
il she was a-gargiing.
q (. q
Atlanta Constitution: It is warm
enough now to roast beefsteak on the
roof, but, unfortunately, beefsteak is even
higher than the roof
9 q @
Detroit Free Press: COuntryman-
Please explain this here ship to me, sir
InventOT-Don't say this here ship, my
friend; say this air ship
Ohio State Journal; How did you like
Little Lord Fauutleroy' p asked the sun
day school teacher. as Jimmy McFlinn
returned the book TO her.
"Aw, didn't like It, replied Jimmie
frankly; Il tot it wuz a red-hot de-
tecktif story"
Puck: smith-Brown is the LATEST man
on record.
JOnes-HOw so2
Smith-When his wife asks him to
water her flower bed he throws bucket
of water on his Newfoundland dog and
then has him stand in the middle of the
flower bed and shake himself.
Detroit Free Press: DOlly-I believe
Judy Gibbs is a mesmerist.
Polly-Why?
DOLLY went to sell her ticket to our
picnic, and she sold me one.
Indianapolis News: Pitcher tells great
stories Of the fish he has caught, said
"McArelle always tops them with
stories of the fish he has not caught -
And they are both liars" agreed the
Wherein it may be seen that the poor
fisherman has no show.
q 6 g
Wat We puzzlin' over the paper fer?''
| inquired Farmer korntop-
Here's an advertisement about a sale
of pajamas,' replied his wife. Watts
| pajamas', emmy how2"
"Oh, thet's them fash'nable straw hats
everybody's weaTin' in town
New York sun: First Chimney
] thought you had sworn off smoking
Second Chimney-So I did, old man, but
I just came across a fine bituminous per-
| fectO.
Philadelphia Press: You're up pretty
early this morning, Willie, said the
Yep" replied Willie, without looking
I'D from the dime novel. Nom sent me
/ ter bed las night jest as Handsome Har-
~ wuz goin' ter rescue the beautous
maiden.
Philadelphia Record: Mabel-Perey
| Sapp is going to sing Down Where the
/ Cotton Blossoms Grow
/ May-Thank goodness he Is going so Tar
away. I wish he'd sing down where The
| bananas grow.
Chicago Tribune: Papa. said the
sweet girl graduate, ''wasn't my com
I mencement gown a whOOperino2 I had
! the other girls skinned alive
'And this is the girl, said papa, sadly,
| whose graduating essay was An Appear
for Higher Standards Of Thought and
/ Expressions
Chicago RecGri-Herald: Il see that
! moor Teresa Vaughn. who, few years
ago. was one Of our most popular stage
| favCrites is confined in Massachusetts
asylum She is insane on the suoJecI
Good heavens, Have they begun shut
/ ting women up for that!
New York Press: Mottos and crests
are the fashion. The pilot OF ferry boat
nlvine between Staten Island and the
| Battery. wears y nis nat 4 re- rloO o.
nSoff6. ASK him what st means and he
win say, $50 slow" which Is not in
/ apropos.
| phfladeIphia Press: Mrs. BroWue-T
didn't know your son was at college
! Mrs. Malaprop--Oh. yes; he's been there
~ ~ h. rrr-a ola -