The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1902-02-04
THE PRACTICAL
Versus THE IDEAL
loriginal.l

There are people in the world who
never act unwisely and yet never get
on. On the contrary, there are people
who always act unwisely and yet al
ways get on. The explanation may be
In the fact that the former have no
originality to lift them above the level
of competition and the latter have
genius.
My wife soon after we were married
developed passion for what called
old trumpery. She attended auctions,
and any hideous rug, rickety clock or
crazy chair put up for sale was sure to
be bid in by her to lumber up the
house. As to bric-a-brae, | couldn't
turn round without smashing some I'M
calmly pitcher, big at the girth and lit
tie at the bottom, especially made to
be knocked over There were old
swords, old blunderbusses, pieces of
armor, rugs SO homely that it would
make one sick to walk over them, en-
cravings yellow with age, pieces of
tapestry with pictures on them of stiff
looking people looking sour as vinegar.
In short, everything in the house was
either old or ugly or both.
A practical man, with no nonsense
about me, managed to keep the wolf
from the door as bookkeeper. l had
inherited $1,000 from my father, which
l placed in q savings bank to draw
per cent interest. 1t did not remain
there long. My wife's insane passion
for auction purchases ate into 1t gradu-
ally, but surely, till my nest egg had
been turned into lot of miscellaneous
truck which any sane man would con-
slider fit only for junkshop.
Mrs. Moneypenny had friends who
were as crazy on this subject as her
self They would come into the house
and go from room to room admiring
this bit of coffee colored lace fit only
for rag bag; that miniature of some
fat woman, with coronet on her head,
in Clipped oval frame; clock with
pair of rusty weights weighing per-
haps twenty pounds each and the sound
Of donkey engine in winding. Then
they would 60 away, thanking her for
showing them her collection"
"My DEAR" l said one day to her de-
spairingly, my $4,000 is reduced to
five hundred"
give hundred! Then | made a mis-
take in my figures. thought there was
only three hundred. After all. ! can
! get it."
Get what?' l cried, aghast.
1.-THE Rembrandt! have absolute
proof that it is genuine, and 1t Is going
for song"
"Oh, heavens" | muttered sinking
on to sofa-"to be tied to a lunaticl
And to think what is to become of our
poor children
She sat down beside me and put her
! arms about me, but said nothing. What
could she say? She was under the CON
4 troll of her passion, with no power to
! resist it. She must be not only dragged
! down to poverty herself. but drag hus-
band and children with her. Within
i forty-eight hours she had the last cent
\ In the savings bank and got her pic
1 ture, dingy painting Of a man dress
ed like supernumerary in theater,
the only feature plainly visible being
| the tip of a red nose.
The day after the thing was brought
home one of her friends, lady, met
me on the street and congratulated me
on the valuable addition to my .'collec-
ton"
stared at her grimly and passed on,
| while she looked at me. wondering if
l had lost my senses.
Going home, abused my wife for an
hour. She was patient about it and
made no reply, but at last. when beg
ged her to get rid Of the stuff and re-
form, she agreed to do so.
every WELL" replied. 81 win send
for Moses, who will make you a bid
for the lot. We may get a few hum
dred dollars out of it."
Leave that to me, DEAR" she replied.
.'You haven't time Go to business, and
| will do all that is necessary"
The next day the morning paper con-
tanned notice that Mrs. Moneypenny
was to sell at auction her treasures,
which she had been years accumulat-
ing. as she was about to 90 abroad to
make another collection"
At sight of this announcement
nearly tainted, but revived on remem-
bering that the rubbage was to be sold.
For days before the sale ! was beset
by people with printed lists in their
hands asking me what such a number
| could be had for at private sale.
turned away from ALL saying that /
didn't know and didn't care-proba-
bly, a dollar would secure anything in
the lot. and it would be a large price.
Well, the sale came Off was busy
at the office making a trial balance
and got home after it was all over.
Everybody had gone. and found my
wife looking depressed. When | saw
the house devoid of the trumpery with
which it had been incumbered. ! re-
joiced.
"Thank heaven" exclaimed. Its
gone! What did you save out of the
wreck 2"
"Unluckily. two of the persons ex-
pected would take the most of it at the
largest prices were suddenly called
away. and that spoiled everything
"How much?' asked.
Il mad inquired on SZo,UOO, out uldn
get it,
"You mean $3.50"
'sNo; the total is S17.950. and four
thousand of this is for the Rembrandt.
The rest went very cheap-that is, con-
sidering what it ought to have
brought
OF course, supposed she was jok-
ing till saw the bank certificate of
deposit The next week. as advertised.
my wife went abroad for a new "collec-
tien,' from which she cleared $4,000.
We are now rich, have resigned my
position and am usually spoken Of as
Mrs. Moneypenny's husband.
LOIS IRENE STRANG.
French Bread Laws.
The French baker is not only requir-
ed to conform to laws regarding
weight. but he is also told at what
,,rfea he mr1St sell his bread He is fur