West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1902-03-20

leaders | am kept quite busy these
days. Just at the present time there
seems to be nutter of excitement
in our beloved town of Kingwood,
which is not confined to color or
creed. The topic of discussion is
really creating more excitement
among our people shan the visit of
Prince Henry did amongst the 400
up in New York. We trace the orr
gin to that political hatchery (Tun-
nelton) where all kinds of political
schemes have been Matched for the
past twenty. five y ears.
While enjoying a social chat with
my ancient and bosom friend, lack
Brown, a few evenings ago, a mes
senger came rushing in and handed
me the following note:
"To The Growler
Come to my office at once.
Important business.
NEIL J. FoRTNEY."
lost no time in reaching Bro.
Fortney's office. | must confess /
was somewhat excited for the first
time since the Cooley gang made a
raid on the town. AS l entered the
door Bro. Fortney said:
owe have just met for a consul
tation. Something must be done,
and done quickly. The thing has
gone far enough and we are in inn
minent danger. We need your
counsel and words of wisdom to
guide us in this matter. Be seated. ="
Imagine my perplexity. was
utterly at sea. Not the faintest hint
was given for such anxiety. Re-
covering my equanimity, l enquired
the cause of the fire alarm.
"tire Fire !" fairly Kissed Bro.
Fortney. ''Are you not aware of
the conspiracy of the Tunnelton
bandits to steal our Court House /?
Is history to repeat itself2 Rome
burnt while Nero fddled, and the
Tuhnelton bandits will carry off our
Court House while we sleep Sound
the alarm Toll the bells !"
There was no mistaken the earn
estness of Bro. Fortney. Seated in
the Office, 1 noticed Junior Brown,
John w. Watson, Sheriff Lenhart,
Judge Flynn, John Ford and P. ].
Crogan, all of whom l observed
we're greatly excited. Assuming a
look of Indifference, I replied
"Let 'em take the Court House. We
will follow it to Tunnelton, and in
side Of three days own the town"
Follow 1t, thunder and Beverly
Hilll' reared Bro. Fortney. 81
made six trips to Oakland and three
to function before I got my bill
lard table to Kingwood Stop and
think for one moment. Just as my
friends and myself we're congratula-
ting ourselves on the pleasure and
entertainment my billiard table
would afford us, you want us to
tote it up to Tunnelton. Never
The Court House must remain IN
Kingwood--my billiard table will, "
declaration which was enthusiast
tically applauded by Junior, Judge
Flynn and the rest Of the crowd.
OF course I am opposed to the
removal Of the Court House, but the
temptation was too great to not add
little fuel to the fame, 50 ven
tured to suggest that probably the
function people would place the
billiard table inside the Court House
and tote it up free Of cost.
"Never Z" was the quick response.
81 have been trying for twenty years
70 get my billiard table to King
wood in order to give the town folks
a lpr on the rapid advancement OF
civilization. Railroads and billiard
tables 90 hand in hand and are 90.
day acknowledged 90 be the great
est oiyiIizers known 60 the human
race. The railroad we have had
with us Tor several years, but the
billiard table has just arrived in
7 town"
After assuring my fellow-townsmen
that there was no immediate danger
Of losing the Court House or the
billiard table, 10 occurred TO me that
the cause Of alarm was really the
fear Of losing the billiard table.
THE GROWER.
school Report.