New-York tribune., 1902-04-02
THE TALK or THE DAY.

Senator Pettus the other day arose as If to ad-
dress his fellow members. and hush Of expectancy
fell upon the chamber. Every eye was
upon the venerable statesman, who. with great de-
liberation reached around into the tail pocket of
his long frock coat and drew forth plug of to-
bacco Unconscious of the attention he
tracing. he bit off n chew and down without
saying word. Everyb body smiled.
lie is satisfied now that this is a hard. hard
Why he's rich. and has everything he could
4 know but he's been thrown out of his auto
mobile several times lately" "-Qhiladephia Press.
The following ambiguous advertisement recently
appeared in Detroit paper: "Notice-If -. who
IS supposed TO he In Chicago, will communicate
with his friends at home he Will hear Of something
to his advantage His wife Is dead"
- want to go to Lancaster, said nervous
ticket seller in the Broad Street station, yes
SFd%y TER W9rniHs %i & T3u Kindly df me when
i 10" was the reply. And when does Il reach
honr exerss asHf Ees there e oI at oSes & NV?
/ don't like to travel so fast. I'm afraid OF acct
But surely you have slower trains On yas
there's one at I2:40 that doesn't get 10 Lancaster
There's no nss in taking any unnecessary risks. "
down TO wait for the slow train.-( philadelphia
Record.
The Maine Coast Club is to build clubhouse for
sportsmen the peninsula of Petit Manan that
will duplicate JekyI Island. Golf will be barred
Men and women who love fishing and shooting will
be welcome members. but golf and 80
Ciety ructions' desired.
Church-Didn't YOU speak to the man who Just
passed in that automobile?
Why he was going fast I don't see how you
oh / knew who it was by the speed he was
going"
q pul
safety."-(YOnkers Statesman.
A story Is told OF a canny Scot who dealt in old
horses alternating his spells of labor with heavy
sprees. During the period of depression which fol-
lowed each overinduleence John habitually took to
bed and there diligently studied the family Bible.
During one Of these fits of attempted reformation
his condition prompted his wife to call In the Rev.
Mr.. Wallace the parish minister. who at the time
happened to be passing.
oh Master Wallace. come in and see oor John;
he's rale bad"
What's wraug WI him?"
Hes feart to meet his Makker' said Mrs John.
Quick fire came the crushing reply;
'Humph: telm he medina be feart for that: he'll
never SEEM
Look out FOR Pinker-After dinner speeches
gramme, except when politician feels himself
charged with messaee OF late a pleasing Gus
visitors. the ladies. and so on: and calling upon
the literary agent who is just Off for flying Visit
to America heard some excellent stories from a
gathering Of his clients who entertained him at
Guilty in placing them in America. A contest for
improbability between Mr. Barry Pain the chair
man Mr.. Pett-Rdge Mr.. Laurence HouSman, Mr.
w. ". Jacobs and Mr. Marriott Watson to name
only few OF those stood but to lie. suggests
possibilities Of amusement that realized. The
innovation should become popular.-tLondon Chron-
iCe.
The following curious election manifesto was
Issued the other day in Paris:
Electors and business men, on the eve of the
elections the friends of the small dealers call your
attention to the present very grave danger
namely the invasion of the Chamber OF Deputies
by medical men Oppose medical candidates: re-
place them by commercial men. And why? Be
cause the trend of hyEiensts 10 exercise an In
supportable dctation concerning the supplying of
do not hesitate 10 e~aggerate in absurd manner
saviors Of human life. Thus sometimes these
hygienists, who nothing but quacks. accuse
purveyors OF milk, sometimes wholesale provision
dealers or rather groCers. No branch of food sup
plying is free from their accusation of fraud and
falsttcaton. Defend yourselves. then. against the
caiumny. Food purveyors of Paris and the prov
inces! Vote against medical men. Let all parties
choose other men to uphold their flag. Let them
for instance, choose food purveyors."
After Her Pay.-"See here Mr.. Gay" said tho
boarding house mistress. you're getting a reputa-
tion for being fast"
ihats none of your business"
no, but It's my business TO see that you shan't
De last enough to beat your board bill '-(Phila-
delphia Pres