The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-06-07
HUMOROUS

The Spring Department.; Dinwiddie-
Where shall / find the spring under
clothes? Department Store Floorwalk-
Ier-Two aisles to the left. right next to
the cough cure and patent medicine
lcounter.-Judge.
He Lacked Tact: Nellie wrote
lovely poem to Mabel. Belief know,
but she got mad and tore. it up. Nell
The idea, why? Belle-He headed it
Lines on MabeIs Face.
Record.
Exorbitant: Litigant-What viii YOU
charge me for taking the case? Law
yer-It ought TO be Worth a hundred.
but III do it for you for an even Sky.
Eitigant-SiXty dollars? Great Croesas.
can buy whole jury for that AZ
eago- Tribune.
she keeps an immense establish
ment. doesn't she?" "Oh. indeed. yes,
a head coachman. two footnen, tao
grooms. and a stable boy. a housekeep-
er, cook, undertook, kitchen maid. up
stairs and downstairs maid, govsrness,
husband and child.''-Puc>.
Leading Up 10 1t: Bobbie-You know
them preserves in tn pantry wot you
told me not to eat? Mother-Yes Bob
bie-You know you said they'd make
me sick if 1 ct 'eu. didn't you? Moth
er-Yes. Bobbie-well. they didn't
Ohio State Journal
WILLIE met our new minister on
my way to Sunday school, mamma, and
he asked me if 1 ever played marbles
on Sunday. Mother-H'm! And what
did you say to that? Willy-I said.
Get thee behind me. Satani" and
walked right off and left him-Tit-Bits
An Irishman who was to undergo a
trial in court was being comforted by
his priest. Keep up your heart rse7a-
mis-. my boy; take my word Il il,
you'll get Justice" "Troth, your fev-
erence,' replied Dennis. in an under
tone. and that's just what I'm afraid
of''-Tit-Bits.
The Undisputed Points: Attorney for
the Defense-You are blackguard and
blum, sir. Attorney for the Prose
cution-And you. sir, are shyster and
a rogue, The Court-Come, come, gem
tlemen. Let us get down to the dis
puted points in this case-Smart Set.
The Laugh: Chumpley-That hyp-
notist is a fraud. He couldn't control
my mind at all last night. Pokely-of
course, he had some excuse. ChuInp-
ley-Yes. He said there was no ma
terial to work on. You ought to have
heard the audience give him the laugh.
-Tit-Bits.
Stranger-What statue is that being
erected on the square? Citizen-That.
sir. is the statue of the Hon. ]. Nor
timer Biggerton. Stranger-One of the
of the town, l suppose?
indeed. He paid for the
statue before he died.-Chicago News.
'Br'er Williams, all throo' de winter
season you wuz preachin' red-hot SER
monts on hell fire, ell now dat de spring
come, you amt got a word ter say
bout hell fire. How Gomez" "Br'er
Thomas, de wayfarin' man, do mighty
foolish, mout er knowed why dat -
In de winter season. Brer ThskAAA
coal was six dollars a ton."-Atlanta
An Important Occasion: Uncle Eb-
ony-Tse glad you's in, sab. cause l
want to borrer youah cyclopedias, and
a few dictionaries, and any other nice
big books you can spare, sab. En-
Goodness me: And you've
brought wheelbarrow, l see. What
IN earth do you want of them? Uncle
impo' tant occasion, sab,
very important. Dinah and me wants
@ hunt up a name for the baby, sah.-
New York Weekly.
Bridget and Pat were sitting in
reading an article on THE
Jaw of Compensation Just fancy
Exclaimed Bridget; 'accodin' to this,
vhin a mon loses wan av is sinses an
'ther gifts more developed. For in
tance, blond mon gifts more sinse i
" herin', and touch. an 'Shure, an I
is quite true" exclaimed Pat; "Oi'ye
oticed it meself Whin a mon has
van leg shorter than the other, be-
Ora the others longer ''-Philadelphia
lines.
Water-Cure Testimonials: Dear Tn
lie Sam: For the last four years 1 4
ave been an intermittent sufferer from 4
lsurgentitis- Yesterday some new
)und acquaintance filled me with re-
oicing - and with sixteen gallons Of
cur truly wonderful remedy for lapse /
memory, failing eyesight, loss OF
peech. and other symptoms of insur- ]
entitis. 1 feel like new man. i felt
ig enough for eight new men. Yours
loistly, Sumatra Rapperino. "-BaltI-
lore American.
PARLIAMENTARY BULLS"
Here are a few bulls that have ]