davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01
CREsCEUs' ToNDERFUL SPEED.
Lowers WORLDS Two-MIle Record by
Good Margin.

Memphis, Tenn, Oct S1-Cresceus.
the great son of Robert McGregor, made
good his calm to championship honors
this afternoon at the driving park in
q remarkable exhibition of speed and
stamina. The horse was sent against
the worlds two-miIe trotting record of
4:2SA. held by Onward Silver. and COM
pleted the circuit twice without break
in Ali fiat, clipping 1Ilz seconds off the
former record. Both the horse, and Mr..
Ketckam, who drove him, received an
ovation from the large crowd present.
To-days programme, the last of the
meeting, was an extra one and good
racing was the order of the day. Cres-
ceus appeared shortly after o'clock
and after scoring twice Mr.. Ketcham
nodded for the word. Accompanied by
a runner Cresceus went to the quarter
in 80 seconds At the half the timers
hing out 1;O6A. and the three-quarters
pole was passed in 1:39. Strengthening
out for the wire Keteham sent him
along at a lively clip. the mile being
reeled off in 2:l01a. At the mile and a
quarter Cresceus seemed to increase his
speed and the post was passed in 2:41A.
and the mile and a half was made in
3:13. The last three-quarter pole was
passed in 3:45 and the two miles was
covered in Ali. Cresceus trotted the
last mile faster than tine first. He COW
cred the two miles in M seconds faster
than the pacing record, made by Ner-
Vola. E
Another brilliant performance was
that Of Prince Alert, who went against
the pacing record for geldings of 2:00aa
made by himself. Driven by Demarest
the horse moved away like clock work.
reaching the quarter in :29a4, the half
in $50, the quarters in 1894, and
beating the former record by three
! quarters of a second, the time being 2
fiat.
Cresceus will be, shipped to Atlanta in
few days where he has engagements.
Many of the large stables. have taken
winter quarters at Billings Park. Sum
maries:
Trot-Half- mile Heats to Wagon-Amateur
Drivers.
Invader, b e, by Jaybird (DeyereauX) 1 l
Battle ton, b h JOnesl. .............. . 2
DIR. Book. b g (Billingsl., 3
Time-1t04&, 1:03h.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01
THE ZIONIST MOVEMENT.
Satisfactory Progress Reported Especl-
ally TN United States.

Vienna, Oct. 31.-The satisfactory
progress of the Zionist movement, par
ticularly in the United States, was re-
ported at the Zionist annual conference
held here to-day by DR.. Herzl, chair
man Of the conference. In the course
of a general discussion of educational
matters, the conference debated the
question of the establishment Of Jewish
public schools in those countries where
in the Jews are excluded from the bene-
fits of public instruction.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01
New C. N. G. Company.

Hartford, Oct. Ex-Governor Mclean
has approved the petition of William
Walter Bullen and seventy other citi-
zens of New Britain to the adjutant
general, requesting that they be organ
lied into company of infantry of the
National Guard to be known as Com
pany E, First regiment, C. N. G., To-
Gated in New Britain, to take the place
of the company recently disbanded.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01
MIR. MORSE,S THIRD Loss.
Another wheel Stolen from Near
Warner Hail,


Warner Hail,
Mr.. Morse real estate dealer in this
city, had another wheel stolen from
him last evening, making the third
wheel he has lost in this way. He went
into the Union League club about ten
o'clock last evening and left his wheel
in the alleyway next to Warner hall,
and when he came to get it again at
about eleven o'clock he found that it
had been stolen. The wheel is a new
Cleveland, 1902 model, chainless, and
has a black frame with blue center
rim. A rather peculiar fact in regard
to the theft was that this wheel was
taken from behind some others, which
were not disturbed by the thief, al
though they had to be first moved so
that Mr.. Morse's wheel could be taken.
They were then put back in place. This
has been the case with every wheel Mr.
Morse has had stolen.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01
voods,oek House "nd Barn Burned

Woodstock, Oct. 31.-A house and
barn in South Woodstock, owned by B.
L. Wetherill, were destroyed by fire
this afternoon, causing a loss of $4,000.
The fire started in the barn and is sup
posed to have been caused by some hot
ashes which were deposited nearby.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01
e. o. WEEKS DEAD.
ViCo- Preside q t OF A etna Insurance Com.
pany of Hartford.

Hartford, Oct. 31.-Egbert o. Weeks,
vice president Of the Aetna Insurance
company, and president of the board Of
aldermen, died this afternoon, at his
residence. No. $50 Pennington avenue,
after an illness of about two weeks,
from typhoid pneumonia.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01
MIR. BRODRICK ENGAGED.
10 Marry Madeleine Stanley, EIdest
Daughter OF Sir Francis Juene.

London, Oct. 31.--Mr. Brodrick, Sec
retary of state for war, is engaged to
marry Madeleine Stanley, eldest daugh-
ter of Lady Juene, wife Of Sir Francis
Juene, judge advocate-general. Lady
Juene's first husband was Colonel Con-
stantine Stanley. Mr. Brodrick has
been widower for about a, year.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01
THANKSGIVING PRooL4MATToN.
Governor Mclean Issues Recon- M an tin-
tIum tor Observance of the Day.

Governor Mclean Issues Recon- mentin-
unn tor Observance of the Day.
Hartford, Oct. 31-Following is the
proclamation issued by Governor Nc
Lean providing for the observance of
Thanksgiving day:
e STATE OF CONNECTICUT.
BY His EXcellency, George p. Mclean,
Governor
A PROCLAMATION.
Tn obedience to custom long cherish
ed by people whose trust is God, and
whose strength is in His bounty, I
hereby appoint Thursday the twenty
seventh day Of November, as a day Of
Thanksgiving and Prayer and 1 recon-
mend that the day be devoted to deeds
of charity and neighborly kindness and
glad Thanksgiving for the abundant
harvest Of the year and the innumerabe
comforts; and l especially recommend
that the day be observed in devOut petit
t0n to the Heavenly Father to fill the
hearts of His children with such meas
ur eof brOtherly love and political wis
dom as shall, at all times, insure just
and reasonable distribution of the
handiWork of the artizan, the fruit of
the fields and product of the mines to
the end that unnecessary want and loss
may ever be avoided and blessing and
Individual liberty and domestic tram
guilty be forever preserved.
(SeaD Given under my hand and seal
of the state at the capitol in Hartford
this thirty-first day Of October, in the
year of Our Lord one thousand nine
hundred and two, and the independence
of the United States, one hundred and
tWenty-seven.
GEORGE P. MCLEAN.
BY His Excellency's Command,
Charles G. r. Vinal,
Secretary Of State.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01
Underwear for ~
Women and Children.

A particularly good lot at
attractive prices, enabling you
to provide for the sharp aut-
umn air at little cost.
Women's shaped, fleece lin
ed vests, high neck, long
sleeves, French band pants to
match, worth 25c.
Sale price Ioc, 3 for SOC
Women's fleece lined rib
bed, shaped vests; high neck,
long sleevei, neatly trimmed,
French band pants to match,
worth soc.
Sale price 3oc, 3 for 81
Boys fleece lined shirts,
heavy quality; in plain and
ribbed, drawers to match,
worth 25c, owing to slight i'm
perfections we offer them at
l9c each 3 for Soc.
Women's fleece lined cotton
hose, extra heavy weight,
Seconds, worth 1oc a pair.
Sale price l21zc
Women's fleece lined cotton
hose, good weight, Seconds" ,
worth 15c a pair.
Sale price 3 pairs for 25c
Women's black cotton, reg
ular made hose, double sole,
spliced heels and toes, worth
25c a pair.
Sale price ioc pair, 3 for SOC
This is an extra good bargain
Women's black cotton
seamless hose, double sole,
spliced heels and toes. 1876
Notions at Cut Prices
Here is a little list of the
tn ings every one needs. We
only name the items, you can
see for yourself the values
offered:
"Velvit Grip" hose sup
porters, any size, 12Hc
1oc corset covers, Sc
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01

2:1O Pace-To Wagon Amateur Drivers.
Dr. Monical, blk h (Billingsl, ............ 1
Captain Potter, gr 6 Gonesl. ......... z
Timt-2:09l4. Captain Potter drawn after
first heat.
Cresceus to beat worlds fwo-mile trotting
record of 4:2SA Ketcham). Time by
quartcrs-:3S, 106A, 1:39, 2:1eIss 2:41as4,
3:13, 3:45, An - ~,
Prince Alert to beat worlds pacing record
I of geldings Of 2:00% (Demarestl. Time by
quarters7~:29R, 80, 1::22Jta. 200
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01
Nobby Golf Vests.

The demand for these IS
constant. They are an article
of women's wear that has come
to stay, You can find no bet
ter assortment of these popu-
lar garments than we offer to-
morrow. Here are some Of
Our special values.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01
Howe & Stets0n.
Special Sale of Outdoor
NeckWear

fompaoour RunS and Marie
Antoinette capes; then if the
question, "where can I get the
most desirable goods at the
lowest rates" " weighs with
you, we shall see you shopping
here on Saturday.
A Observation-Disclosures
is shown in so ruffs ranging
from $2.75 to $3.50 each.
Saturdays price, S2.25 each.
Stylish Neckweara at 25c
Stocks, ties, neck and
sleeve sets in great variety.
The latest designs, many
worth soc each. Special price
25c each. 9~
Yelling Special, I2c yd
A very handsome line of veil
ing, both black and fancy,
most of it of the 25c variety.
Saturdays price l2e a yard.
Toilet Articles at Special
.... Prices
We have all sorts and kinds
the best IN the market. If
you need anything in this
line, and wish to save money,
make your selection from the
following list:
Comfort Powder, small, I21ac
Mennen's Talcum Powder, 1 &C
Packers Tar Soap, re
5oc bottle Queen Wilhel-
nina Perfume, 2oc
Woodbury's Facial Cream, Isc
|I5c Whisk Broorns, Ioc
On Saturday morning at 9
o'clock, will arrive a consign-
ment Of dainty potted ferns
not just commonplace ferns,
but something choice, and all
together different from the
ordinary varieties.
They are Of vigorous growth
being two years old, and of
the "fteazs PaAeaeaa' 7 species.
We have divided them into
three lots, and priced them at
1oc, I2Ac and 15c each.
They will be on the Bar
gain Table in the middle Of
the store, and as the lot is a
choice one, the selling may
not last longer than noon.
These are for Saturday
only.
Saturdays Candy Special
Our confectionery depart
ment has an established rep
utation for excellence. Every
one knows that our candy is
clean, pure, and absolutely
fresh.
IF you are in doubt as to
what you would like, we offer
you the following sugges-
tions--every one Of them is
good. L.
Crystalized Canton ginger
the usual price is ooc, 2oc lb.
A full line Of fnechoco1ates
loc pound. ~
Fruit bar. Sc each,
Peanut bar, Sc each,
Chocolate cocoanut bar Sc.
Nobby Golf Vests.
The demand for these IS
constant. They are an article
of women's wear that has come
to stay, You can find no bet
ter assortment of these popu-
lar garments than we offer to-
morrow. Here are some Of
our special values,
Golf Vests
at 81 rs each.-These come
in plain colors and stripes, a
fancy knit. This is an all
wool vest that is very jaunty
and a great seller.
We have all sizes. L
See the display at the mus
lin underwear counter on Sat
urday. .@
| - T| = 1 - y
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01

TGryiie; TS~aMe;od Ra,,s n ,tGF1TesS Tl 8 ists,t;;
Time 2:021R, 2:24, 2:22k.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01
Golf Vests

at 81 rs each,-These come
in plain colors and stripes, a
fancy knit. This, is an all
wool vest that is very jaunty
and a great seller.
We have all sizes.
See the display at the mus
lin underwear counter on Sat
urday.
15c Gilt Edge dress stays, &C
Milward's needles, paper, SC
Any size tape to "a in, roll Ic
S yards Star skirt braid, &C.
A Novel Display of Ferns
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01
Stylish Neckwear at 25c

Stocks, ties, neck and
sleeve sets in great variety.
The latest designs, many
worth soc each. Special price
25c each.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1902-11-01

A particularly good lot at
attractive prices, enabling you
to provide for the sharp aut-
umn air at little cost.
The Jasper news., 1902-01-09

He didn't like his town; TO him
II seemed 80 slow, so dead.
He talked about the dirty streets,
The coal smoke overhead
"Confound this town." he used to say,
"It's climates disgrace
| wish that | could move away
To some more fayoted place. -
lie saw no beauty in its streets,
He thought ofcities where
Were famous pleasure places, and
He longed TO settle there.
The srchiirciu e,f bis town
Depressed him, and he cried
All that was best about it down
He spoke its name and sighed.
Fate ono day took him by the hand
And I'D him far aYae,
A nd placed him in a city whore
Tho streets were grand aud gay.
He habbled fondly of the fair
Old town he'd loft, AMI then,
Hsart-5rJken, died because he np'cr
Could live back there again.
S. e Kiser.
The Jasper news., 1902-01-09
KEEPING AT 1T.
.om nc Yoathls Companlon.

From The Youths Companion.
To every one there come times
when he looks back upon the little
he has done and forward to the
much he hopes to do, and ask HIM
self whether 1t is worth while t.
persist.
The educated and the cultured
are even more apt to ask the qucs.
ton than the man vi b narrow
outline. The turning OF the first
shovelful of earth, the driving OF
the first drillhole in a tunnel
which will necessiinte the removal
of millions Of cubic yards Of rock
and require dozen years for its
completion, is an effort SO insignif.
cant in itself, so apparently futile,
that the idle spectator feels a kind
of pity for men so lacking in
imagination that they can do il
Yet he will come back by tnl by
and 6nd The mounta II pi reed, and
call il wonderful.
In politics, in religion, in almost
every work which aims to benefit
or uplift mankind the same dis
heartening question arises. The
men who hesitate before it are the
men who drop out aud become
merged in the great inert mass
which must be moved before the
work is done. Those who meet it
with whole-souled yes" are the
men who accomplish results.
1t took years for Jacob A. Riis
to convince New York that il was
worth while to heal the open sore
Of Mulberry Bend. 1t took months
TO gather the evidence which lei
10 the defeat of Tnmmany LII,
aud other months to weld together
the many and diverse political
through which that
defeat was accomplished. la other
cities the same kind of patient,
nnquestioning effort is raising the
standard of municipal politics and
he level of public service.
In all these works cts dogged |
rs does it," knowledge, culture, |
'ducation are good tools, but The |
'eal force is the faith of the man
who knows that il ia"wJrth while,
Who hns the courage TO begin
,reat work and who keeps undaun |
eily att.
The Jasper news., 1902-01-09
THE HOrlE GOLD CURE
An ingenious Treatment by which
Drunkards are Being Cured Daily
ln Spite Of Themselves.
No Noxious Doses. M Weakening o.
the Nerves. A Pleasant and
Posi'ive:Curc Tor tho Liq-
uor Habit.

1t is now generally known az d under
st'od that Drunkenness is \ disease Ant
aot weakness. a body filled with poi
son, and nerves completely shattered h,
periodical or constant uso Of mtoxicat
ing liquors, requires an autdotc capabl,
of neutralizing and erldIcating this poi
'on, and destroying the craving for in
toxicants. SrfTerers may now cur,
themselves at home with Ut publicity oI
loss Of time from business by this won.
ierful ''HoNR GOLD CURE" which has
been Ifected after many years Of closc
study and treatment of inebriatcs. Tn,
faithful nse according to directions of
this wonderful discovery is pcsitiy,l,
guaranteed TO cure the most obstinate
Ease, no matter how hard drinkcr.
Dur records show the m trvclous trans
formation Of thousands Of drunkards in.
to sober, industrious and upri. ht men.
WIVES CURE YOUR HUSBANDs!! CHILD
REN CURE YOUR FArHEI s.! This remedy
- In no sense a nostrum but IL specific
for this disease only, and is so slzillfuly
devised aud prepared that it is borough
ly soluble and pleasant to tho taste, so
that it can be gived in cup Of tea or
coffee without the knowledge Of the per.
son taking it. Thousands OF Drunkar,ls
have cured themselves with this price
less remedy, aud as many more have
oeen cured aud made temperate men by
having the ''cuRE" administered by low
ing friends and relatives without their
knowledge in coffee aud tea, and beliey
today that they discontinued drinking
of their own free will. 60 NOT war;
DO not be delnded by apparant and mis-.
leading Improvement" Drive
disease at once and for all time. The
HOME GOLD CURE" Is sid nt tho q
tremely low price Of One Dollar, thus
placing within reach Of eyeribndy
treatment more edcctual than Others
costing s25 $50. Full directions accom-
pany each rackIge, Special advice by
skilled PHI, ,s,cians when requested Will.
out extra charge. Seat prepaid 10 any
part OF the worli on receipt Of One Dol
lar. Address Dept. EDWIN n. GILES 4
GoMPASH, 233) and 1882 Market Sir,at,
Philadelphia.
The Jasper news., 1902-01-09
a WORTHY sUCcEssoR
Something New Under
the Sun.

All doctors have tried 70 cure cATRRH
by the use Of powders, acid gases, inhal-
ers a. drugs in paste form. Their pnw-
lers dry up the mucuous membranes
causing them 10 crack open and bleed
The powerful acids used in the inhalers
have entirely eaten away the same mem
branes that their makers have aimed to
euro, while pastos and ointments cannot
reach the disease. An old and experien-
ced practitioner who has for many years
made close study and specially Of the
! treatment Of CATARRH, has at last per-
fected treatment which when saithful-
ly used, not orly relieves at once but per
mancntly cures CATARRu, by removing
the eausr, stopping the discharges, and
curing all Inflammation. 1t is the only
medicine known to science that actually
roacles the afflicted parts. This wonder
ful remedy is known "a "sSUFFLEs the
GUARANTEES CATARRH CURE and is sold at
the extremely low price of One Dollar,
each package containing internal and ex-
tprnal medicine sufficient for for full
months treatment and everyt thing nee
essary 70 its perfect use.
"sSUFPEEs" is the only perfect Ca
TAERH CURE ever made and is now rec
ognized as the only safe and positive cure
for that annoying and disgusting dis
ease. 1t cures all Inflammation quicr ly
aud permanently and is also wonderfully
puick to relieve HAY FEVER or COLD 10
HEAD.
CArARRH when neglected ofton leads
to Consumption -"sNUFFLFs" will save
you il you use it at once. 1t is no ordi-
nary remedy, hut complete treatment
which IS positively guaranteed to cure
cArARRH in any form or stage if used ac-
cording 10 the directions which accom-
pany each package. Don't delay but
scnd for it at Ouce, and write full partic-
ulars as to your condition, and you will
receive special advice from the discover
er Of this wonderful remedy reg riding
your case without cost to you beyond
the regular price of "sNUFFLEs" the
"GUARANTEED CATARRH CURE"
Sent prepaid the United States or Can
ada on receipt Of One Dollar. Address
Dept l EDWIN b. GILES & COM
PANY, 2330 aud 2332 Market Street,
hiiadelphia.
The Jasper news., 1902-01-09
- oood Isscorn1erdation.

~ have NJ ticed that the sale on Cham
berlain's Stomach & Liver tablets is al
most invariably to those who have once
used them, ".ays Mr.. j. II. Weber, a
pronment druggist Of cascade, Iowa.
What better recommendation could any
medicine have than for Teoplo to call for
it whcu again in need Of such remedy
Fry them when you feel dull after eating,
wher you Lauea bad taet in your mouth
feel bilious, have no appetite or wheu
troubled with con4tipation, and you are
certain TO be deligd with the rompt re-
l.efwhich they afford. For sale by Webb
Drug ~ Hdw, co.
The Jasper news., 1902-01-09
Ne,.. Genturx Gornfort.
VILLAIN MCKINLEY
HIS LIFE AND WORK,
BY GEN. CHARLES II. GRosNENoR.

by 6EN, CHARLES IL. GRoSNENOR.
The late Presidents lifelong friend,
comrade in wa, colleague in
congress and champion in House OF
Representatives. was near tho Pres
ldent IS side with other great men when
bis eyes were closed in death; followed
his remains TO National Capital and TO
Canton, Millions of copies will be sold
Sales spreading like fire in dry slubble:
men AMI women taking 10 to 30 orders
daily. 1t is the Off i.l book. Eulogies
from Governors, Senators. editorials
from great dailies. Last and dying wcr
Of wei dis great men, but none so grand
as Mchinley,s Is GODS WAY"
Contains photOgravure OF llst photo
graph of President ever taken You can
p1slly and qIio gly clear 5000 The
General requires that share Of proceeds
of sale OF every bS, K soll shall be do.
natel 10 Ackin'ev Monument Fnrd.
Thus every sahscrib' T to this book be-
comes contributor 10 this fund. Every
body will buy il; orders for the asking
no one viii refuse. Send l2 2-cent STAN
ps for eleg, mt prospoctus; 100000 cop
les will lie sold in this vicinity quick;
widerwako business men or women OF
some means can make fortune quick
by getting sole control of State.
Address,
THE CONTINENTAL ASSEMBLY,
Corccran Bldg, opc. U. S. Treasury,
Washington, d. {,
The Jasper news., 1902-01-09
There seems 10 .be some trouble

There seems to .be some trouble
in selecting fgurehead for the
butt, snip Missouri" and some
one has suggested mules head.
If the mules head is adopted for
the front end OF the ship it might
be well to adorn the rear end with
n pair of mule heels aud dispense
with tie guns altogether.
The Jasper news., 1902-01-09

a neighboring newspaper re-
Gently published quite lengthy
weather forecast, which we have
been Informed was nothing
more than the creation Of the brain
OF the reporter Well, it is all the
same thing, rs it would De hard
10 tell the difference between L
fake and genuine weather fore
cast, US far. as their reliability is
concerned.
The Jasper news., 1902-01-09
Missouri Pacific Tims Tab,e.
Church Notices.

BAPTIST Regular services on the
Saturday before the SECOND Sunday OF
each month at O'Clock p. M, and on
tho second aud fourth Sunday at III a.
m and 1:30 m. Sunday school at 10 a
IN, and prayer meeting Tuesday evening.
OF PALMER, Pastor,
METHODIST - Sunday services
Sunday School $50 a. m. Junior
League $3.50 p. IN; Epworth League 300
y. m. Preaching sryices first and third
Sunday nights and socl Il and fourth
Sunday mornings. Prayer and class
meeting every Thursday night.
ID. X. BURNuAM, Pastor
NJ. f., SOUTH Preaching lst and 3D.
Sundays in each month moruirg and
even NJ; Sunday school each Sunday at
10 II. M; EpwoTth League each Sunday
evening conducted by j. ". Spnid;
prayer meeting eachWedne day evening.
l.. NJ. rHILLIrs, Pastor
CHRISTIAN Preaching services 2d
and 4,h Sundays of each month at ii
N mud 1880 p IN; Sunday school 10 a m;
9 Il Sunday at 6:}1 y IN; prayer meeting
Thursday night. NJ > JOHNSON, Pastor
PRESBYTERIAN Sunday School
at 10 o'clock a. m; Christian Endeqvor
at o'cloct p, m. ach Sunday. Prayer
meeting each Wednesday evening.
The Jasper news., 1902-01-09

The Joplin Globe claims that
Jasper county has money to
burn" but the Carthage Press say S
the county is $4,000 "in the
hole" At the rate the present
county judges have been drawing
their five day" we fear that the
Press comes nearer the truth.
The Jasper news., 1902-01-09

And now a Chicago professor
has discovered it is possible to
do away with death. But, alas,
death will probably have claimed
nil of us before he gets his theory
in working order.