davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31
AUNT sOPHRoNIA.

The secret of making ones self an
agreeable guest, warmly welcomed
when one comes and sincerely regret
ted when one goes, does not always
lie in the possession of conversational
talents or general accomplishments.
This little authentic dialogue, which
took place between Mr.. and Mrs. Par
kins the evening after their Aunt
Sophronia Greene had ended week. S
visit at their house, indicates a surer
means OF making ones self welcome
How lonesome it is," said Mr..
Parkins, "now that the children have
gone to bed I wonder what it real
ly is that makes Aunt Sophronia's s
visits so especially delightful ?"
''Why, suppose it's because she
never finds any fault" said Mrs.
Parkins.
Are all Our other guests accus-
toned to find fault with things which
go on about the house?"
''No, but"
''But what? Aunt Sophronia sell
dom says anything particularly per-
tinent or entertaining. In fact, she
says and does very 1ittle.'
"That's true; but she is always
good-natured in a quiet way"
But lots of other people are good
natured, and yet nobody's visits give
us so much pleasure as Aunt Sophro-
MAS. There must be some other
and positive reason"
Mrs. Parkins knitted on silently
for few moments, as if in a brown
study, and then, dropping her work,
exclaimed:
"William, 1 know what it is ?"
''Well?"
Whenever Aunt Sophronia opens
her mouth to speak, it is almost al
ways to bring out, either fatty or else
in some roundabout way, some good
quality of one OF the children"
"I guess that is SO, " said Mr.. Par
kins, raising his eyebrows as if search
ing his recollection.
"And did you ever hear her SO
much as refer, in all the times she
has been here, to any one of their
numerous failings?"
"Never /"
"Then we've found her out. )"
eyes, we've found her out, but
she can't come again any too soon !"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31
HE'LL BE HERE PRESENTLY.

We mourned not his absence, we felt it a joy,
Though we knew he would come back some day.
1t is likely he may not have meant to annoy
Or have thought he was much in the way.
For months we have missed him, but times near
lyup,
He will come and dwell with us once more,
He will sit at our board and will drink of cup,
AS he's sat and he's slipped oft before.
We tried to convince him his presence was not
By any means wanted, but he
Ignored all our snubs and, not caring jot
Continued with us to make free.
We put deadly poisonous stuff in his food,
We set subtle snares for his feet,
We smote him but none of it did any good
There was nothing would make him retreat.
There was nothing we owned that was sacred to
him,
His faults they were hard to condone,
He fused all about with devilish vim
And he never would leave us alone.
He'd wake us at morning. From that moment on
Into every blamed thing would he pry.
We must put up the screens, now that winter is
gone,
To fool the pestiferous fly.
Chicago Daily Neecs.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31
HOW SHE MADE HERSELF UNPOPULAR.

cav, yes She's a pretty girl,
all right enough p said the 1oquaci-
Gus landlord of the Pettyville tavern,
in reply to the gallant drummer's
complimentary comment upon the ap-
pearance of a certain village belle
who had just gone tripping by.
'Miss Hooks is han some and all
that, but-not speakin' disrespectful
of her, you understandable is the
most unpopular girl in the whole COM
munity at least, in the estimation of
the young people of both sexes.
"You see, she sued a feller by the
name of Higgins for damages for
grabbin' her and kissin' her against
her will. I don't know why she con-
sidered herself damaged; mebbe it
wasn't at the right time, or perhaps
he wasn't the rig ht feller-but,
anyhow, so twas. Before the YER
dict all the girls in the village were
very much in favor of the fair litigant,
but after the jury had whirled in and
assessed him two hundred dollars for
one kiss, and all the rest of the young
fellers had suddenly got so shy that
the girls couldn't get near enough to
'em to have handed 'em ripe peach
on the end of pole, and it would
have taken the best efforts of pro-
fessional hypnetizer to inviggle 'em
into any of the kissin' games they
had formerly been so fond of, when
the girls detected what was the Sec
ondary result of the trial, they chang
ed their opinions promptly and con-
clusively; and so, as 1 say, Miss
Hooks, while she is certainly pretty,
and all such as that, has by her own
actions made herself the most unat-
tractive young woman in the whole
community"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31
THEY ARE T1p-ToP DREssERs.


Have you ever noticed" said a
clever woman, 'that very salient diff
terences in dress and general appear
ance you may observe in the women
IN different lines of business 2"
What has your eagle eye fallen on
now?" said the auditor.
We'll, the actresses, of course, are
a class by themselves. 1t is part of
their business to present stunning
appearance, and they set the pace.
But in the ordinary occupations in
which women are employed you will
always find that nilliners lead in
style and generally attractive get-up.
Their training teaches them neatness,
and the artistic blending of colors,
and no other woman can achieve
their style on the same salary"
HWhat about the dressmakers ?"
Oh, the very same remarks apply
largely to her, of course, for milliners
and dressmakers hunt in couples.
Salesvomen in the big stores, especi-
ally inthe better lines of goods, come
under tais head, as do those in hair
stores, uanicuring establishments,
and all sorts of grooming places.
Now when you get among the teach
ers, you will find an entirely differ
ent atmosphere. Truth to tell, teach
ers, as class, are apt to be little
frumpy. Some way or another,
clothesology doesn't seem to combine
readily with the other 'ologies. But
don't run away with the idea that
this necessarily condemns the teacher,
even in masculine eyes. Look at
that spinster teacher who captured
that big, big gun in Washington the
other day. l suppose that he could
have had almost any society woman
that he threw his handkerchief 10,
but you see he wasn't looking for a
fashion plate. Some men are built
that way.
"Then there are the women doc
tors and lawyers, continued this solon,
meditatively. ''I believe they're
worse than the teachers, as a whole.
A really successful doctor doesn't
know what she has on. She doesn' t
have to. Her success depends SO en-
tirely on her competence that her ap-
pearance cuts no figure. Her mind
is on patients, not her clothes. I
know a woman doctor over on the
East Side who is making So, 900 a
year, and she looks like bag tied in
the middle. There are scarcely
enough women lawyers to Judge of
them"
women artists ought to be the
most artistically clad of their sex"
remarked the listener.
"Well, that depends. When they
apply their genius to their own dress,
artists, designers, illustrators, all that
sort, are the most delightfully."- gown
ed women in the world. Not in fash
ion plate style, you understand but
eedGsfu edGssf Il tbsi artists REoetet xt eSthetis
adaptation of the latest style to save
them from oddity. That kind of wo-
man always adapts, creates, and the
result is picture. But half the time
the woman who can do these things
pays no manner of attention to her
appearance. If she recollects to comb
her hair she does we'll. 1 tell you,
dress is an art, and to achieve dis
tinction in it you have got to put your
mind on it, same as you would any
thing else. - Washington Star.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31
MEALS WERE FREE.

Representative Foster, of Vermont,
retails with great gusto the story of a
friend of his who was stranded in
Jamaica, with only enough money in
his pocket to pay for his passage back
to the United States. He thought
the matter over and came to the con-
clusion that he would buy the ticket.
and as the sea trip only lasted a cou-
pie of days he would 60 without food
that length of time. He realized
that if he remained in Jamaica and
spent his money he would never be
able to get back home.
So he went on board the steamer
and bought his ticket. He closed
his ears to the sound of the lunch bell
and when dinner time came and a
fellow passenger asked him to accom-
pany him to the dining room he po-
litely declined on the ground that he
never ate at sea. The next morning
he skipped breakfast by sleeping late
and at lunch time he kept to his
room. By dinner time at night, how
ever, he was so hungry that he could
have eaten a pair of shoes. "I'm
going to eat," he said, "even if 1
am thrown overheard afterward. 1
might as we'll be drowned as starve to
death"
AT the dinner table he ate every
thing in sight. Then he braced him
self for the explosion. Bring me
the check" he said to the waiter.
"The check :" queried the waiter.
YES" said the man.
There isn't any check" was the
reply. "On this ship meals go with
the passage ticket"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31
PLEASE KISS THE BEARER.

The Rev. DR.. John Henry Barrows,
president of the Oberlin College, who
formerly preached to Chicago con-
gregation, tells little story concern
ing an experience of his own that
may be worth passing along. DR..
Barrows was making arrangements
for the holding of the great congress
of religions at Chicago. He had an
immense correspondence to take care
of and found it necessary to employ
a stenographer. The young lady
was pretty.
The work of preparing for the con-
gress was still going forward on the
I4th of February, when the doctors
little son became excited over the
sending and receiving of valentines.
The boy remembered he had father
upon the third floor, in addition to
the one in heaven. Going to his
mother, lie proposed that they send
up valentine.
"Well," said Mrs. Barrows, ''it is
very nice of you to remember father.
How would it do for me to write a
valentine for him and let you take
it up?"
The boy was delighted with the
idea and his mother wrote upon a
sheet of paper:
"Please kiss the bearer"
This she placed in an envelope,
which was properly sealed and ad-
dressed to the doctor. The boy start
ed upstairs, but he had been running
a good deal during the morning and
his legs were weary. When he had
reached the second floor he met the
pretty stenographer, who had started
out after postage stamps, or some
thing, and asked her if she wouldn' t
be kind enough to hand the note to
his father.
She took the envelope gave the
child a pat on the cheek and ran
back upstairs, where-perhaps promp-
ted by feminine curiosity-she wait
ed while DIR. Barrows opened his
valentine and read, in his wife's hand
writing:
Please kiss the bearer"
Here is where DR.. Barrows always
cuts the story off.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31
HER DILEMMA.

Among the passengers on Glen
side accommodation train the other
afternoon was a very stout old wo-
man. She occupied an entire seat,
as she was so extensive of build that
there was hardly room beside her for
the package Of hooks and the three
hatpins she came downtown to pur-
chase. The woman looked percepti-
bly, worried, and, finally, when the
train was nearing Elkins Station, she
leaned over and tapped the shoulder
of young man in the seat directly in
front of her.
"Pardon me, young man." she
said, "but will you tell me the name
of the next station ?"
"Elkins, ma'am.'
"When we get there, " she contin-
ued, won't you kindly help me off
the train?
"The young man chivalrously ex-
pressed his willingness to do the wo-
man the requested servive, but he
looked SO surprised that she hastened
to make an explanation.
81 wouldn't ask your assistance,
young man," she said, "but I tried
to get off at Oak Lane, two stations
back, but couldn't. You see, I am
so stout that 1 am compelled to go
down the platform steps backward.
The conductor saw me, unfortunate
ly, and thinking from my position
that I was just boarding the train,
helped me on again.
WHEN A girl goes to the theatre
after having eaten onions, she wants
to see something so exciting that 1t
will take her breath away.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31
THE ELMs
At the Entrance to Greenmount Cemetery,
Baltimore, Md.

Beside the gate two sentries meet
Close by the gray stone wall,
And cast their shadows DER the street
In plumage green and tall.
They guard the graves where loved ones sleep
They watch each funeral train,
And bow their heads with those that weep
In sunshine and the rain.
They lift their heads to greet the dawn,
And watt its splendors down,
In token of the glorious morn,
When Life the dead shall crown.
Sweet refuge of the bird and song,
o brace Of chanting elms,
You whisper of the white -robed throng
Beyond the starlit realms.
You stand within a city's din,
Where countless footsteps fall,
And point to the city, free from sin,
Where GOD would welcome all.
-Eds0in Higgins, In The Sun.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31
ESTABLISHED 1850.

come because of lack knowlege as to
the best methods. Let us read the
agricultural papers, attend the farm
ers' institutes, and make use of all
the opportunities we have, to see the
light science is throwing on some of
the difficult proplems of the farm
W. II. Jenkins, Delawa,e county,
~ Y.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31

when 1 was your age, sir, /" said
the old man sternly, II wasn't both
cred with creditors chasing me up !"
II must take after you, dad," re-
piled the son. cit doesn't bother
me either"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31

WIGwAG-"When I heard you
were coming 1 ordered a dozen bot
ties of beer, and the man brought
49," Guzzler-"Oh, we'll, I'm not
superstitious.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31

THE LAWYER -"Do you know
him well?" The Doctor I've
never known him any other way.
He was never sick in his life"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31

THE MILLIoNIRE who puts his
trust in riches isn't in it with the
one who puts his riches in trusts.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31

THE FELLOW who thinks the world
owes him living is generally too lazy
to go and collect.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31

WHEN A fellow is about to propose
and the girl is nervous, it is gener-
ally because she is afraid some one
will interrupt them before he gets
it out.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31

"YoU USED to be soft on Mabel
Hart" Eyes; she refused me-"
Didn't want to change her name,
eh?" "No; but she should change
her first name to Marble. ."
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-05-31

WHEN A girl goes to the theatre
after having eaten onions, she wants
to see something so exciting that 1t
will take her breath away.
Woodruff County news., 1902-02-20

Pe-ru-na is known from the Allan tic to the Pacific. Letters of con graduation and commendation testi- flying to the merits of Pe-ru-na as a catarrh remedy are pouring in from every State in the Union. Dr. Hart man is receiving hundreds of such letters daily. All classes write these letters, from the highest to the lowest.
 The outdoor laborer, the indoor artisan, the clerk, the editor, the statesman, the preacher-all agree that Pe-ru-na is the catarrh remedy of the age. The stage and rostrum, recognizing catarrh as their great est enemy, are especially enthusias- tic in their praise and testimony.
 Any man who wishes perfect health must be entirely free from catarrh. Catarrh is well-nigh uni versal; almost omnipresent. Pe-Tu- ma is the only absolute safeguard known. A cold is the beginning of catarrh. To prevent colds, to cure colds, is to cheat catarrh out of it's victims. Fortuna not only cures ca tarrh, but prevents. Every house. hold should be supplied with this great remedy for coughs, colds and so forth.
 The Governor of Oregon is an ardent admirer of Pe-ru-na. He keeps it con-
Woodruff County news., 1902-02-20
PITH AND POINT.

So few of us realize our own folly. But We all recognize it too promptly in others.-Atchison Globe.
 Responsibility may be contagious, but folk can't aiways catch it when they want it.-Chicago Daily News.
 Kate-"Well, 1 got my revenge on Laura, after all.' Alice-"How sop" kate-"She let me trim hat for her." -Sommerville Journal.
 Tess-"How do you know Bess is go- ing to marry MT. Hoamlimug for his money?' Jess-"She told me so, her self" Jess-"What! Did she really say that?" Jess-"Same thing. She said she was going to marry him."- Philadelphia Press.
 Old Mr. Siliiboy (yery fond of kids)- "Goo-goo, and where was ums tickle popsy pinklumwopsy going? Goo-goo! pitty tickle sing" Modern Youngster -"What do you think is the exact nature of the old gentleman's com plaint, mother" ?"-Boston Globe.
 MT. Buggfns (reading account of foot ball game)- the second half the quarterback lost his head and" Mrs. Buggins (interrupting) = "Goodness me! I've heard of them losing their arms and legs, but to lose their heads What an awful game it must be. "-Phi:-
Woodruff County news., 1902-02-20
TAT ON THE PHILIPPINES.
The Civil Governor of the Philip pine Islands Again Before
 the Senate Committee.
THE FILIpINoS UNFIT FOR JURY DUTY.
The Governor Says They are So Used to Corruption that They Could Not be Trusted-They Need to Be Trained and to Have Examples Set Before Them.

Washington, Feb. 16.-The hearing of Gov. Taft on the Philippines ques- tion by the senate committee on the Philippines began Saturday with a se- ries of questions by Senator Patter- son in regard to the fitness of Fili- pinos for jury duty. MT. Patterson asked whether the native population on. which the voting franchise is be- slowed could not be trusted to do jury duty. The governor replied in the negative, saying they are so used to corruption in the administration of justice that they could not be trusted. "They need to be trained" he said, "to have examples; they are not yet ready for jury duty"
 Referring to the code of procedure in the islands, Gov. Taft said, in reply to a question by, Senator Gull person, that 1t is an American code rather than a Spanish code.
 Under the Spanish regime, said Gov. Taft, the courts were not only slug gish, but notoriously corrupt, and that the first courts established by Gen. Otis were no better. Under Spanish rule there was no substantial denial of justice.
 Referring to the petition of the federal party Gov. Taft said all cases of imprisonment referred to there were for military and not civil off, lenses at this time. Gov. Taft said that the original draft of the federal party platform had been submitted to the commission, and that the dec laration for statehood was then more explicit than was ultimately adopted My recollection" he said, ''is that we said to the representatives of the party that this must be far in the future, and that we could make no promises one way or the other"
 "is not the commission responsible for the formation of the federal party?" asked Senator Dubois.
 No; it was not" Gov. Taft re- sponded. He gave the names of sev- eral prominent Filipinos wEo had as sisted in the organization. They had, he said, consulted the members of the commission, and the latter had encouraged the formation as far as possible because the party was for peace. The promise of statehood bat been no prominent part of the mis- sionary work of the leaders.
Woodruff County news., 1902-02-20
HE WILL HARDLY SUCCEED.
veaIed and the Government VIII be Apt to Act Cautiously.

Brussels, Feb. 16.-It is said that the desire to keep secret the depart ure of Dr. Mueller, the former con- sul of the Orange Free State in Hol- land, for the United States, was so keen that the Boer emissary booked his passage under an assumed name.
 According to information from re- sponsible Boer quarters, Mir. Kruger's letter to President Roosevelt, of which Dr. Mueller is the bearer, does not appeal for intervention, but ex- presses regret that he is unable at present to personally congratulate President Roosevelt on his accession, and concludes ~ith a gratified allu- sion to the numerous invitations to visit the great republic which have arrived and are still arriving.
 Besides reorganizing the Boer propaganda in the United States, Dr. Mueller will direct his efforts prin- cipally to obtaining government pro hibition of the eXportation of articles regarded by the Boers as contraband of war, thus indirectly eliciting an opinion on the war by the United States government.
 Dr. Mueller is supported by wealthy Boer sympathizers in Europe and has great hopes regarding the result his mission.
Woodruff County news., 1902-02-20

"Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege- table Compound cured me and made me well, and that is why I gladly write you this, and gladly thank you; six bottles was all took, together with your Pills. My headache and baclzache and kidney trouble went, never to return; the burning sensation l had left altogether; my general health was so improved felt as young and light and happy as at twenty" -MRs. LOUISE GIBson, 4s13 Langley Ave, Chicago, Ill.-$50o0 forfeit # aboue testimonial is not genuine.
 If you feel that there is anything at all unusual or puzzling about your case, or if you wish confidential advice of the most experienced, write to Mrs. Pinllham, Lynn, Mass, and you will be advised free of charge. Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound has cured and is curing thousands of eases of female trouble.
Woodruff County news., 1902-02-20
CHIEF OF TRANSPORTATION.
Willard AdeIbert Smith, of Chicago, Receives an Important Worlds
 Fair Appointments.

St. Louis, Feb. '16.-Nillard Adel- bert Smith, of Chicago, has been ap- pointed chief of the department of transportation exhibits for the St. Louis Worlds fair. He was born at Kenosha, Wis, in 1S49, and later lived at Rockford, III. He is a graduate of Shurtleff college, Alton, H., and of the law department of Washington university, St. Louis. While attending the law school he was editor and pub fisher of the St. Louis Railway Regis ter. and since 1873 he has been editor and proprietor of the Chicago Rail- way Review. He was director of transportation exhibits at the Colum- bian exposition. At the Paris expo- sition he was the American commis- sion's director of transportation, en- gineering and army and navy exhib- it's. He has served with distinction in various international railway CO., gresses.
Woodruff County news., 1902-02-20
Handsomest Calendar of the Season

The Chicago, Milwaukee & St. Paul Rail way Co. has issued beautiful Calendar in six sheets l2xl4 inches, each sheet hay ing ten color picture of popular actress reproductions of water colors by Leon Moran. The original paintings are owned by and the Calendars are issued under the Railway Company's copyright. A limited edition will be sold at 25 cents per calendar of six sheets. Will be mailed on receipt of price.-F. A. Miller, General Passenger Agent, Chicago.
Woodruff County news., 1902-02-20
Patrinfic RInnd.

Out in Cincinnati there IS an lrishman who, like many other good lrishmen,, IS firm in his loyalty to his native land. One morning not long ago he was at work near the top of telegraph pole, painting it a bright green, when the paint slipped and splashed on the sidewalk A few minutes later another Irishman came along. He looked at the paint, then at his country man on the ladder, coming down the pole, and inquired, with anxiety in his tone: "Doherty, Doherty, hoy ye had a him orrhageP P-Y outh's Companion.
Woodruff County news., 1902-02-20
The Best Army in the World.

The American army is the most effective organization in the world The men are well fed and well paid, but these alone will not make a good soldier He must have steady nerves and strong constitution. To fight disease it is also necessary to have the same requirements. If you are weak and nervous you need Hostetter's Stomach Bitters at once. It will steady your nerves and cure indigestion, heartburn, dizziness and con- stipation. Try it.