Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-03-06

IL.
banks on both sides"
Tom Hood was the wittiest poet"
declared the Briton. "Oh. | don't
know" returned the lank; I'VE have
Whittier"
Mr. Snaggs-The leaves are leaving
my dear, Mrs. Snaggs-ls there any
thing odd about thatg Mr.. Snaggs-
Yes, in the spring 1t was the trees that
were leaving.
My largest item OF expense is on ac-
count of advertising" IL was not
aware that you were In business" II
am not. But my wife reads the ads.
in the papers"
Small Man-Yes. sir. he's n con-
temptible scoundrel, and told him so.
Big Man-Did he knock you DOWN.
Small Man-No; told hm-er--
through the telephone.
Teacher-Now. Susie. you may con.
struct sentence in which the word
literary" occurs. Susie Cafter much
thought-Little Willie's hands were
literary black with dirt.
WHO married youY asked the jus.
tice of colored citizen, who had been
brought before him for some domestic
trouble. You did suh" was the re-
ply; but amt voted fer you sense"
Her Fathcr-Well sir. what can do
for you? Her Lover-l-er-ca to
see II you-er--would give assent to my
/ marriage to your daughter. Her Faith
er-Not cent, sir; not cent. Good
dayl
Proud Mother (complacentlyl- My
daughter Is studying the language
abroad. She speaks French and ital-
Ian as well as she does English. Nis-
itor Qnnoccntly)-And does she speak
English well?
Teacher-What Is meant by "meiium
of exchangeW Willie-Watman
Teacher-What Is the medium of ex-
change-what do you take to the store
with you when your mother sends you
for groceries, Wlllie-The book
| Mab-Do you think these carnations
are becoming to me? Fred-Oh. yes;
|
would rather see you wear Mab--Pray
tell me what they are and | will wear
them for you Fred-Orange blossoms!
What Is the nature of this new fan
gled malady which they call the golf
Ing spine'?" That" responded Cyni-
Gus. "ls easy. 'Goltng spine Is what
the old man used to have after hard
days plowing. but he called 1t tho
backache."
81 see Mr.. Marlin has put a naphtha
engine into his yacht. so that he can
make 1t so when there Is no breeze"
Yes; and Mr.. Perfume is putting sails
in his naphtha launch. so that he can
make II go when the engine won't
work. Puck.
Tammany Politician arranging for
music at political meetngl Isn't that a
big price? You may not have to play
half dozen times during the whole
evening. Brass Band Leader But, my
dear sir, we have to sit there and listen
to the speeches.
why do poets wear long harT
asked the young woman who Is anx-
ious to learn My dear" answered
the young woman who believes there
is no such thing as modern literature.
'if they didn't wear long hair how
would we know they are poetsY
Mr.. Wheatpit-My failure Is the talk
of the street AT the meeting OF my
creditors to-day | arranged to pay so
cents on the dollar. Mrs. Whcatplt-
after moments tiguringl- Henry,
isn't that lovely? Then the $50 hat I
had sent home to-day will only cost
half price.
Mother-Ethel Is the very Image OF
what | was at her age. He Really! [
shouldn't have thought IL possible!
Mother (coldlyI-May ask whyi He
(see mis- error, and striving to rectify
it-Oh-er--l was forgetting what a
long time ago that must have bccn.--
Punch
A teacher, catechislng a class out OF
the regular order of school exercises,
asked u boy pupil the oft-repeated ques-
tion: rs marrlage faIlurep
NOM" he answered. ITS mis-
take" The recess bell rang just then,
and he hasn't heard II since In that
school.
Mr. Bunker looks worried these
days" Yes, another addition to his
family arrived last week" But he's
enormously wealthy. Why should he
worry over another mouth to feed?"
1T isn't that, but the thought that it's
another one to buy golf balls for
eventually"
a stalwart Life Guardsman In Lon
don strolled leisurely down the street,
and, approaching an expectant boot
black, pompousy placed one enormous
foot on the polishing block. For mo-
ment or two the lad gazed In wonder
ment at the expanse of leather spread
before his eyes. and then he hailed u
colleague on the other side of the street.
Hi. Bill" he shouted. lend us some
polish. Hive got Harmy contract"