davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
THE | NJ TO LAUGH.
SOME GOOD JOKES. ORIGINAL AND
SELECTED.
The Big Bostonian Got a Seat, but Had
TO Take Keen Retort in the Bargain
A quiet Retreat ~ Uncle Rastus'
Philosophy.
PERFEorLY PLAIN.

Uncle 'Rastus, who was seeking In
formation concerning mushrooms, had
been referred by a pre%ternaturally sol
emn student to tue professor of bot
any, and with hat in hand he was adj
dressing that d%ignitary.
Would yo' mind tellin' me, Mistah
Mandrake" he said, how to 'stinguish
a musharoon I'm a t%oadstool?'
Willingly" replied the professor.
I'm the first place, you must remember
that the amanita phalloides, or deadly
agaric, closely resembles the agarious
campestris, or edible fungus, which is
u common variety and absolutely in
nocuous. Next, it will be necessary
to fix firmly in your mind the distin-
gushing marks or characteristics Of
the agaricus campestris, which are
these: A pileus not covered with ex-
c~rescence-like scales; gills of a brown
ish purple when mature; stalk solid
and approximately cylindrical; ring
nea middle of stalk; base not dubious
and not sheathed by membrane. The
distinguishing characteristics of the
amanita phalloides, or deadly agaric,
are these: Pileus destitute of distinct
excrescences; white gills, hollow stalk;
large ring, and prominent bulb at base,
with membraneous upper margin.
Bearing these points of differentiation
fully in mind, you will never be at a
loss to determine which variety you
encounter in any given case"
yes, suh,' said Uncle 'Rastus, turn
ing his hat round and round in his
fingers. 81 un'stan' dat all right, but
how's l gwine tell EN- apaht?"-Chi-
cago Tribune.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

The camel is a large and homely an
imal and has warts on its knees. You
a ride a camel if you want to, but l
would rather pay 10 cents and walk.
Still. if anybody needs exercise and
has a camel l think he ought to ride
him. The camel is a very patient ami
NAL. He will chew his victuals five
minutes and still not have them ready
to swallow, but keeps on chewing. The
camel frequents deserts and caravans,
and has one or two Jumps on his back.
He is often spoken of in the Bible and
in Ben-HE.. We ought to read our
Bibles every day and be good. Once
there was a lion hat dared a camel to
run a race, and the camel took him
up. They ran three times around the
glittering arena and neither one was
ahead, but when they dashed under the
wire on the home stretch the camel
Strengthened out his neck and won by
nearly six feet. The camhl has three
compartments in his stomach and his
hair is useful for making shawls and
paint brushes.
Johnny
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

A few years ago, says a Paris cor
respondent. no French aristocrat
would have dared venture out in the
streets Of Republican Paris with a
gaily blazoned carriage, re|splendently
harnessed horses, driven by a gor-
geously livered powdered coachman,
accompanied by an equally gorgeously
liveried powdered footman, nor would
Monsieur Greyy, when president, have
driven out preceded by a gaudily dress
ed piquers in gold-trimmed jackets, es-
corted by dashing cavalry troops.
Today the smartest Of the smart aris-
tocracy have their superbly liveried
powdered men on their carriage boxes,
and Monsieur Loubet drives forth upon
gala occasions in a style suggestive OF
a desire for royal splendor.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

A mar who looked from his physical
proportions as if he could back up
any remark he might care to make in
public boarded a Boston (Mass.) car
the other night. The car was filled
but the man happened to get in a row
which held only four passengers. None
of them made any sign of an indica-
ton to move up and give him a seat.
He limited repeatedly. but received no
encouragement, and finally said gruf-
fly, so as to be heard by every passen-
ger in the car:
These benches are made for five hui
man beings Of four car hogs"
His rebuke caused a general laugh,
which was quickly turned on MIN when
one of the four men arose to leave the
car. AS he stepped off he remarked:
you are mistaken. These benches
were made for four-three human be-
ings and one car hog. Take your seat"
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
PERFECT GLASS GOWN.

The most wonderful dress in the
world is owned by an American sing
er, Miss Ellene Jaqua Of Brooklyn. N.
w. who has recently purchased for the
sum Of S1,250 the gown made of spun
glass which was such a feature of the
costume exhibit at the Paris exhibit
ton. The gown differs materially
from the famous glass dress shown at
the Worlds Fair in Chicago. and
purchased by the Infanta Eulalie. for
the dress in the possession Of the
Spanish Princess cannot be worn on
account of the fragility of the strands
Of glass which snap and splinter with
the slightest effort to bend them.
Miss Jaqua is the first woman to wear
a real glass gown.
The glassblowers of Dresden. Ger
many. who fashioned this wonderful
gown, were five months in blowing
the cloth. Infinite care and labor were
necessary to blow the glass until the
strands or threads were strong and
yet pliable enough to be woven into
a cloth that could be cut and handled.
Fourteen yards of extra wide glass
cloth, IS yards of spun glass braid and
% yards of glass fringe were required
for the dress. In spite of this guam
hty Of cloth, the dress is no heavier
than an ordinary evening gown Of the
softest material,
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
NoRpIoA AND HER DOLLS.
sAs Delighted the hearts Of -Four little
Chndre at Poll

GAs Delighted the Hearts Of -Four Little
Chndre at polL.
All who know Nine. Lillian Nordica,
the popular prima donna, testify that
she has as kindly a h art as ever beat
in a human breast. She recently spent
some time at Boil, and during one OF
her walks through the village she saw
four little girls Playing in front of a
tumble-down house built apparently in
medieval times. They had a doll Of
unique description. It was made of
a bootiack clad in a torn bit Of apron.
The next afternoon Nine. Nordica set
out on foot for Bonndorf, the nearest
village OF Importance, with two
friends. Half way up the mountain
the rain. which had threatened for
some hours. came dripping down.
Throwing her cloak about her shout
ders and digging her walking cane
Crmly into the slippery way she climb
ed upward. Her checks were pink
from exertion and perspiration mingl-
81 with the %raindrops on her face, but
20 Bonndorf she finally went. A
search disclosed a shop where dolls
of wonderful waxen and expressionless
co-untenances of the kind that see light
in the black forest, were waiting on
the shelves. The hour was late, so a
carriage was ordered at the inn and
down to Boil she drove in the twi-
light. Out Of the carriage she climbed,
the famous B%runnhilde of the Metro
politan opera, and lifted the antique
knocker on the door of the tumble
down house in Boil. 1t was not yet
night, but the PEASANTS had gone to
bed. Presently a mans head was
stuck out of the window. To explain
her mission was a brief matter. The
smiling father in rather scant raiment
hurried down to take the paper con-
tanning the four dolls. AS she drove
away four tous ed yellow little heads
were stuck out Of the window and
shrieks of delight followed her while
She waved her hand until a bend in the
road shut out the sight and sound Of
the happiness that she had left behind.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
SPOTTED.

Weary" said Nj. Waggles side
partner, as they reposed on a slant of
tender turf besies the quiet highway,
do you know what Jigsby's been a.
sayin' about you?"
Mop" said the great man as he
looked ~longingly into the void of his
battered can; "wot's he been sayin'?"
He says" replied the side partner,
that you was once so hard up that
you actually sawed an armful o. wood
fer a wilder woman"
Its easy enuff to see wot that story
means" said the great wanderer,
gloomily.
"Wot does it mean, Weary?"
TT means blackmail; that's wot it
means"
And then, the subject being a deli
cate one, it was permanently dropped.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
Foo1rNo A rnrArnn Aunrrrcn

POOLING A THEATER AUDIENCE
Apropos of the wave OF m~elodrama
now almost engulnng the local stage,
Justice jerome recalls this story Of his
father, the late Lawrence R. Jerome.
who as Larry" Jerome was one Of the
best known OF the old school OF prac-
teal jokers and men about town"
With a friend Mr.. Jerome was watch
ing the progress Of a real heart thriller
Of the old days, the plot, OF course,
revolving about the disposition Of a
mortgage that threatened to thwart the
happiness of the heroine-the charm
ing Mrs. John Hoey, in her day as.
popular as any actress OF these times.
With the plot at its thickest, the hero
Inc in despair, the villain triumphant.
and the outlook in every way dark for
the prosecuted girl as the curtain was
descending at the end Of the third act.
Larry" Jerome, with tears rolling
down his cheeks, rose from his seat
and in most impassioned tones, his
voice broken with sobs, but audible all
over the house, exclaimed to his com
panion:
by heaven, Tom, I'll pay that mort
gage myself"
Then this consummate old joker and
clever actor strolled out into the lobby
to enjoy one Of the biggest sensations
a first night audience at Wallack's had
had in their lives. incidentally. too,
the ruse of Jerome's helped materially
to the making of the nlav - York
Times.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

Naturally desire to see the grandest
and most impressive scenery en- route.
This you viii do by selecting the Den
yer q Rio Grande and Rio Grande
Western, "The Scenic Line Of the
World" and 'The Great Salt Lake
Route" in one or both directions, as
this line lias two separate routes across
the Rocky mountains between Denver
and Ogden. Tickets reading via this
route are available either via its main
line through the Royal Gorge, Lead
vile, over Tennessee pass, through the
Canon Of the Grand river and Glen
wood Springs, or via the line over
Marshall Pass and through the Black
Canon Of the Gunnison, thus enabling
the traveller TO use one of the above
routes going and the other returning.
Three splendidly equipped fast trains
are operated to and from the Pacific
coast, which carry through standard
sleepers daily between Chicago, st.
Louis, Denver and San Francisco. Din
ing al Service a Ia carte) on all
through trains. If you contemplate
such a trip, let us send you beautifully
illustrated pamphlets, free. S. X.
Hooper, G. p. & II. A., Denver, Colo.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

De norf wind hollers TO it hit you.
De dog chain tromples on ekal
rights.
De quicksand don't fool you but
once.
De bobbykew takes way heap O. bad
feelin's.
Sunday breeches fit bes' when dey
been paid for.
IT'S dangerous to hab de rotten
round OBJ de ladder on top.
'Tain't NJ consolation to git chewed
up by a fus-class dog.
De rabbit amt pertiekler bout holes
when de houn's git in sight.
When a man gifts too keerful to vase
his later peelin's, he's runnin' de thing
in de groun'.
A po' man out o. wuk is wus orr dan
a stray dog, cause he got to keep on
explainin his salvation.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
JUST VIVIAN M sam.

You said" asserted the irate Gus
toner, that this tonic would make
hair grow"
Il did," admitted the clerk.
Tho customer removed his hat and
showed a head as smooth as a billiard
ball.
I've been using hat tonic for three
months" he said.
ooh, that's all right" answered the
clerk promptly. You have no hair
to grow. II you had the tonic would
work al right. What more can you
expect?"
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
NOW NE

IT have read a good deal about kill
ing mosquitoes with kerosene" said
the breathless man who had climbed
six flights of stairs to ask the ques-
.A9a, "and l wish you would tell me
how they do it,"
They drown them in It," respond
ed the answers-to-queries editor. 1T
you bet that they soak them In the
kerosene and touch a match to them
you have lost. Call again"
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
GARBAGE-HOLDING ATTACHMENT
FOR SINKS.

this new sink attachment to catch the
waste products before they fall into
the trap, thus making it easy for the
material to be removed by any one
without the aid of a plumber. The
device is composed of a wire cloth bas-
ket Of fine mesh, which is suspended
inside In enlai ged section of the out
let pipe, with means for removing the
lid and lifting out the basket to emp
ty the contents. Around the central
lid is a perforated rim, through which
the water flows into the slanting gut
ter below, passing thence through a
coarse Green into the wire basket,
where the liquid is drained of all for
eign matter. Suspended from two ears
at the sides is a wire handle by which
to remove the basket, and the cover
can be lifted by the sliding loop at the
center.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
Europo's Tom Thumb state.

The tiniest thing in the way of in
dependent European states is San Ma
rino. It's rival to the claim of diminu-
tiveness is Monaco, but this is a re-
public snugly tucked away among the
eastern spurs of the Apennines. It is
only thirty-two miles square, and has
a population fewer than 5000. But It
is a dignihed and prosperous little
community, and no less proud Of its
independence. It has just beer cele-
brating its sixteenth century and has
jubilated right royalty over its ami
yersary. San Marine is embraced
within the area Of Italy, but though
1t acknowledge the king Of italy as
It's friend and protector It strictly
maintains its NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Black and White.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
SAVES FLINDERS. n1LLs.

Many a housewife who thinks she is
careful not to throw anything in the
sink is surprised at the amount Of
waste brought to light by the plumber
who has been sent for to discover the
cause Of the clogged drain, for the mat
ter will accumulate in spite Of extreme
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
nuRNINa M REnMoon.

Perhaps the most startling phenome-
non Of the fire was the quick death of
childlike seauoias only a century or
two Of age, says John Muir in the At
iantie. In the midst of the other com
paratively slow and steady fire work,
one OF these tail. beautiful saplings,
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

strain is exerted, the springs revolving
the drums in the opposite direction
and winding up the cord again as soon
as the strain is removed. AS metal will
retain its life much longer than rub
Der the improved suspenders should
be more desirable than the old pattern
from the point of durability. and the
increase in weight is scarcely percep-
tible to the wearer.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
ArrAoHMENr FoR susprNnrRs.

The elastic webbing i'll a pair OF sus-
penders is sometimes more of a nui-
sance than the convenience it is in
tended to be, az it frequently bitches
the shirt upward when yielding to the
various motions of the body. As it is
necessary, however, to make some pro-
vision for variation in the strain on
the supporters a tension arrangement
must be used. 1t has occurred to Louis
Dahl, a Texas inventor, that the body
portion of the suspenders might be
maintained in a fixed position, and
thereby hold the shirt in place, If the
play was provided for by coiled springs
located in the three ends. The idea
is carried out as shown, with spring
controlled drums contained in metallic
pockets and adapted to revolve and
pay out the cord whenever undue
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

Many persons with delicate skin suffer
greatly in winter from %chapping. Ere
quently the trouble arises from the use
Of impure soap and cheap salves. The
face and hands should be washed only in
clear, hot water with Ivory Soap. A lit
tie mutton tallow or almond oil may be
used after the bath to soften the skin.
ELIZA r. PARKER.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
ILLUMINATED SIGNAL KITE.


William A. Eddy has arranged a
new sslf-illuminated kite for war sig
mailing In midair, and for signaling be-
tween exploring parties" says a New
York dispatch. This is a mammoth
kite, nine feet in diameter, flown with
three lanterns fastened cicse to the
kite, and brightly lighting it. The
lights can be shut off and turned on
by pulling the signaling line specific
distances, thus making the dot and
dash Morse signal code. The signal
line is loose and joins the main line
at the earth. Concerning the device
Mr.. Eddy says:
In my recent experiment with a
self-illuminated kite, devised for max
ing intermittent light flashes at night,
the chief difficulty l encountered was
in starting the kite without assistance,
for l believed hat the kite would be
o useful if it could be handled by
one person. l started the kite aloft
by first leaning it against a telegraph
pole in a perpendicular position, with
the lighted lanterns suspended near
its face.
Overcoming a Dlmculty.
When 1 started to run the cord lead
ing to the kite was in a horizontal
position, but the lanterns still re-
NAMED perpendicular as he mammoth
kite rose rapidly. The illumination
was an instant AND brilliant success,
the face of the huge kit being sharply
outlined against the dark sky. While
the kite rose all right, I soon found
that the lighted lanterns caused the
bride to exert a strain too low down
on the kite, thus at the first ascension
lessening the steepness with which
the kite cord was carried up into the
air, but by changing the flying point
on the bride to a higher position I
soon overcame this difficulty.
1T is always a great advantage in
night signaling and other experiments
to fasten apparatus direct to the kite,
for thus a greater height can be at
tanned. l have attached very few
things direct to kites in aerial expert
mental york, because anything that
affects the balance or center of gravity
of the kite will Instantly prevent an
ascension unless a counter weight is
added to restore the center of gravity.
Even a few ounces in we ght may pre-
vent IN ascension in light winds. In
my self-luminous kite the bride only
Is affected, and this was remedied cas-
lily. 1 have not used i-ncandescent
lights, because lighting with electric
wire requires insulation and a return
circuit, besides expense and difficulty
in the transportation of heavy machin-
cry. For army signaling, exploration
or night carnivals, I have produced an
apparatus which weighs only eight or
ten pounds, and which can be carried
in a pack by one man. A light tripod,
weighing about half a pound, can be
used to place the kite and lanterns in
an upright position when starting the
kite up into the air"
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

Foolish n obstinate people alone
suffer from neuralgia or rheumatism.
For they car always secure Wizard Oil
and cure themselves.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13
NOTES ON SCIENCE.
CURRENT NOTES OF DISCOVERY
AND INVENTION.

Illuminated Signal Kite-Ingenious De-
vice FOR Use in Time Of war for the
Transmission OF decentralization
tlhc Notes.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

Dropsy treated free by Dir H. H. Green's
Sons, Of Atlanta, Ga, The greatest dropsy
specialists in the world. Read their adver-
tisement in another column of this paper.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

FITS PermanentlyCurca Nohts IT nervousness aftol
first day s use OF DR.. Kline S Great Nerve Restorer.
send for FREE 5000 trial Dottle and treatise.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

Was it a quiet wedding?' O course.
You don't expect they would quarrel
right right before the clergyman, did
yOu?"
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

Doctor-This man is overworked. His
brain is failing. You should have called
me sooner. Wife-While he had any sense
left he wouldn't have a doctor.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

Doctor-Oh. no; that isn't lone at all
We don bleed patients as they
used to do. Patient-Ahl Not with the
lancet, you mean2
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

lam sure Piso's Cure for Consumption saved
my life three years ago.-Mrs. THos. ROBBINS
Maple Street, Norwich, N. Y, Feb. Il. 1900.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

Sweden promises to be the first coun-
try to substitute electricity for stesm
upon a large scale on railroad lines
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

Bill-Were you ever held up on the
street? Jim-Never. except when 1 was
so drunk 1 couldn't stand alone.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

Johnnie wants to know If they cut up
loohng-glasses to make artificial eyes.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

Sarah Ann-John writes such a gushing
letter. Mary Jane-Perhaps he uses a
fountain pen.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

The court of inquiry will no doubt soon
which Cervera's fleet was disposed Of.
Red River prospector. (Red River, Taos County, N.M.) 1900-190?, 1902-02-13

Mrs. WinslOw's Soothing syrup.
For children teething, softens the gums, reduces ir
Illumination, allays pain. cures wind collie. &o Dottlo.
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1902-05-16

COMPRESS ASSOCIATION
Thirty Seven Congresses Are
Represented at the Regular
Annual Session.

Jackson, Miss, May 90. The Mis-
sissippi Compress Association met in
regular annual fession here today,
with thirty seven congresses repre-
sented, and these concerns have cash
investment of about throe million
dollars.
The principal topic of discussion
before the body is the effort to have
tho cotton crop baled in an uniform
gin-box. AT present bales vary in
weight from 300 to 800 pounds, and
of all shapes and measurements, ac-
cording to the style Of gin used. 1t
is the intention of tho association to
work for bale weighing 500 pounds
and measuring "a x "a inches, and a
vigorous campaign to this end will be
launched.
The association is also discussing
cotton insurance and will endeavor
to assist in relieving tho present
chaotic condition of affairs. Hon. q.
a Wilson of Greenwood read a pa
per ON this subject entitled, "lnsur-
ance by Marks and Figures.
Charges for compression and storage
were also discussed.
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1902-05-16
Peculiar Accident.

jackson, Miss, May 20.-A Smith,
a section foreman ON the Illinois Cen.
trail Railroad, met with peculiar 40
cident Sunday night which will pro
bably cost him his life. He was en-
gagged in directing piece of emer
genoy work on the track near Byron,
and had stopped over to ascertain the
proper alignment of rail when hi'
pistol fell fro m the scabbard in which
it was being carried, the hammer
struck the rail causing the weapon t.
discharge, and the bullet struck hin
in tho stomach. He is now in pro
carious condition, and but little hope
IL entertaind for it's recovery.