The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-08-15
CAPTAIN JAMES
WANTS A WIFE
Says "Nasger" Is Needed to
Make Any Nan Happy
in Life.

Captain James, one of the best known
characters on the water front of Ho-
nolulu, wants a wife.
He is at present at work building
fishing schooner on piece of land OPP
posite the new Hackfeid wharf. This
is nearly completed and Captain James
promises all sorts of fun for his friends
when the craft is launched a month
hence The old skipper is the most
amusing type of a man that can be
found on the water front. Born in
Scotland some fifty odd years ago he
has led a most peculiar life-but every
one knows his history. People are In
terested now in his efforts to find
wife.
A reporter discovered the captain at
work on the schooner which Is covered
over by a sort of tent.
Anything in the news line today,
skipper?" queried the scribe.
.sWall no. nothing partickler," an
swered the Captain, "nothin' very much
dom 'cept that I'm kinder thinkin' of
findin' another wife. You can say L
want one, but say-how'd you find my
dog hole anyhow"
"oh, just happened to run across it.
Why do you call it dog hole?'"
We'll faint much morn one. You
see camp here. I cook all my own
stuff at that little Fireplace there and
/ tell you I can show any woman that
ever lived a few points about the
game Any woman I'd marry'd have
reglar snap as far as cooking goes as
I'd do most of 1t. I sleep here too and
do all my own washing. I know how
to do a trick or two about washing
I can iron and starch to beat the wind
too. You see after I git my Sunday
shirts washed and dried l never puts
any iron on 'enn. Iron tears 'em all
ter pieces. 1 simply put EN- on a board.
smooth 'em out, and then sit on 'em
until their ironed out as smooth as
marble grave slabs. That's the way
I do and it puts the smoothest bosum
YOU ever see on 'em.
"You may kinder look slantwise and
think I'm crazy to wanter marry again
at my age but I've had seven wives
already and ] know what married life
is Woman is nessary to mans ex-
istence. Three of my wives died and
let the law take care of the other four
for me- The last one was an Irish wo-
man. She was fine looking critter but
a hard drinker so 1 divorced her. I'm
a drinker myself but I'm not drunken.
There's a heap of difference between
the two. Wall this Irish woman mar
ried another man after I kicked over
the traces and 1 hear that he pretty
near beat the life out of her. She
- a
been that sort-a fighter or heavy
weight pugilist-I would probably ha'
been Twin with her yet.
'But as I've said afore mans got
to have a wife in order 20 be happy.
I want some female a nagging al me
all the time or I amt happy. When
a wife cries. kicks, scratches, nags. and
throws the frying pan at yer, yer kind
er forgit your other troubles and IL
rests your brain. Then keepin' them In
order kinder keeps a fellows muscles
in fightin' trim. But don't you fergit
that 1 like a nagger. She's got to De
a white nagger and about thirty years
old Women get high falutinssnotions
out of their heads when they get to
be that age.
give got a woman or two in sight"
continued the Captain, that might be
suitable but 1 would like TO see as many
nags as possible before / make the final
choice. Anyhow I amt in no hurry. L
don't want the wife until Mr. Walter
gets my house built. You know MI.
Walter? Well, he's the man that owns
the Occidental hotel and he's sort or
taken a fancy to me-everybody does
more or less-and is erecting house
for me just this side of that coal pile
I tell you this part Of town is going to
boom now. We've got a new road along
the water front from Brewers wharf to
the bridge across to the new Hackfeid
wharf and the whole place will soon be
lively. Well, If you must be goin', don't
forget that I like a nagger. SO long.
kaEIE NC CHOitin