davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The age-herald., 1902-03-02
SITTING ON HATS.
Always Discomforting and Sometimes Exceedingly Embarrassing.

From the Detroit Free Press.
 There's one thing in particular that all young men ought to be cautioned against" said the philosopher as he puffed away at his dying cigar and that is sitting down on a mans hat. You are mad enough when you find that you have sat down on your own, but when t Is somebody elses your cherished am- bitions are knocked into cooked hat off the reel
 " "I am an unfortunate specimen of hu- manity. III luck has followed me for thirty years, and it has all been owing to my own carelessness. I've sat down on other mems hats and been knocked out. My first experience was with the Governor of North Carolina. l called on him at his own request to see about all appointment, and he had no sooner let go of my hand than down l pumped on his plug hat. He tried to make excuses for me but he also gave the appointment to someone else. The iron entered his soul as that hat squashed under my weight
 My next misfortune happened in a railroad office," continued the victim, "I had called to see the president about a patent brake. He thought well of it as l was told, and his signature to a con- tract would have made a millionaire of me, but I sat down on his hat and he ordered me out of his office.
 'I might have been a success in poli- ties but for a lat. I had been called to act as secretary to a State Committee and my first move was to sit down on the chairman's hat. Half an hour later I was out of job.
 "I was once sent to New York to inter view a capitalist on mining matters. He was ready to go in with three or four of us to develop a mine and had just be- come interested in my talk and the maps, when I fell back into a chair and of course it was the one holding his hat He let go of that mine as if it had been a red-hot poker, and l missed another chance of getting rich.
 "I could tell you of the way a Senator turned me down for mashing his plug, and of a Cabinet officer who ran me out for the same thing, and sitting down on hats has lost me friends and influence tune and again. I've tried to help 1t, heaven knows and it seems as if Provi- dence had it in for me that way.
 of you've got boy growing up and want to make anything of him, talk to him-warn him-make it his motto and watchword to spare the hats You may rip a mans coat up the back, trip him up on the stairs, borrow his knife or lug off his overcoat, and he'll forgive you, but if pou ever sit down on his hat you might as well retire to a back country at once. I have tried it on dozen diff ferrent occasions, and I know, and if king called upon me to ask for the hand of my daughter and sat down on my plug I'd give him the bounce if she had to live for one hundred years as an old maid. It's all right to beware of the dog, but it's a good deal tighter to be- ware of the other fellows hat"
The age-herald., 1902-03-02
By F. P. Dunne-Copyright, 1902, by Robt H. Russell.

nawthin' Germany wuddent do for or to a frind. Yes, 1t was Germany. But it was France too. La Belle France was there with wurrud iv encouragemnt an q glance iv affection out iv her dark eyes that kep' growth darker as tn war pro- eeeded An it was Rooshya. Whin tn Czar heerd iv tn war, tn first thing he said was: I'm so sorry. Who Is tn Uni- ted States?' An twas lily an Booloo- chlstan an Boolgahrya an even Spain. Spain was our frind till tn war was over. Thin she rounded on us an sold us tn Philippines.
 "They was all our friends an yet on'y wan iv thim was our frind How dye make it out, Hinnessy? Hogan has a sayin that onaisy lies tn head that wears a crown, but it seems to be aisy f'r some iv thim as fr tn mos dimmycratic American. But whoiver it was that saved us I'm thankful to thim. It won't do fir ye to look at tn map an say that tn pow'rful protictin nation wud be hard ly big enough fr watch charm fr nsn firm Texas or that Euro-peen as- sistance fir America is about as useful as a crutch fr a foot-runner. But fir tn inthervintion iv our unknown frind, we'd've been annihilated Tn powers wudve got together an they wud've sint over a fleet that Wud've been turrble if II dldnC blow up an ln crews d1dn get sea-sick. They wud've sint an irresisti- ble army like tn wan that is now crush in tn Boers with tn infrmites iv ol age; an fn'ly, if all else failed, they wud ray fuse food. That's going to be tn unslx- picted blow iv amy war that tn parishes iv Europe wages again us. They will de- cline to eat. They will turn back our wheat an pork an short rib sides. They'll starve us out an if left to their own resoorces, as Hogan says, Europe could outstarve America in a month."
 I'm not afraid iv thim," said MT. Hen messy. "Whin I was a young man. 1 cud take runnin jump acrost Germany or France an as fir England we'd hardly thrip over it in tn dark"
 Perhaps yeer right" said MT. Dooley. But if all thim gr-reat powers. as they say thimsilves, was f'r to attack us, dye know what I'd do? I'll tell ye. I'd blockade Armour an Comp'ny an tn wheat ilivators iv Minnysoty. F'r. Hen messy, I tell ye, tn hand that rocks tn scales in tn grocery store. is tn hand that rules tn world.'
The age-herald., 1902-03-02
Where He Stood.

From the Atlanta Constitution.
 Brother Williams, how do you stand fin this campaign-wet or dry?
 'Well, sir, at de present speakin' I Is ez dry ez a sumer widout rain Is you got any dram bout you?
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08
A Simple Dress.

want yeu to look at the dress in the first iiiustra ton. It shows what ! mean
 The material is royal blue yelling. that shade which is so very fashionable Just now, and of course. Ii is made up over taffefa of the same tint. A nice glace taffeta which allows the glimmer to shine through is used. The waist blouseS both back and front over d wide taneta belt made on a boned foundation. The waist. skirt and upper halves of the sleeves are all laid Sin pin tucks, and the sleeve puffs into a taffeta euH. The collars is also of the taffeta, with a dainty little turnover collar of ecru silk batiste embroidered in blue French knots
 The bottom of the skirt is finished with a piping of black taffeta. The hat is of ecru straw trimmed on the upturned 3brim with rosette of blue tafeta and having bow. of ecru lace at the back.
 Could anything he simpler and at the same time more chic? Of course it is unnecessary to tell you that white shirt waists are more popular than ever this season. They are made of all sorts ot material from mohair to china silk and muslin. In almost every case there is d fancifully applied trimming of lace or embroidery. One of the favoriie schemes 1t to run tiny beading through the cen- ter. of a wide insertion and to thread tiny black velvet ribbon through this beading.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08

household into disorder. Neither is waste allowed in any form; the most rigid economy is practiced, and such food remains unconsumed is distributed among the poor. who apply at the castle gates every day.
 The king s kitchen hides something like 2OW pounds in copper and iron utensils and 1,S00,00O pounds in plate. Among the former should be mentioned the euorm- ous meat screen of solid oak lined with metal, which is nearly 200 years old. and bears the imperial badge of the house of Tudor-the portcullis and arms. Connois- seurs have sighed in vain for this meat screen, for it's worth is nestimable. Then there are 4000 knives. 900 forks, and as many spoons used for cooking and kitch- en purposes which do not include the 5000 forks and spoons of massive silver for use at the royal table. There are sJ0 pots and pans, mostly of copper, and five scourers are solely employed to keep them brightly furnished
 Not far. away are the plate rooms, two in number. which, although they measure only 13 feet by 16 feet, hold treasures eighteen tons of soVereigns would not buy The walls consist of concrete, feet inches in thickness, and detectives are on duty guarding the rooms day and night. The most valuable item in the store rooms is. of course. the famous ser- vice consisting of plates, dishes. tureens, epergnes and candelabra, all of solid gold. which were made by Roundelle and Bridges for George IV. This service is only used on state occasions, ana VIII probably be brought out for the corona ton banquet. Equally famous is the em- peror's service of silver gilt, the worth of which may be vaguely gleaned from the fact that each plate weighs stone and the epergnes two hundredweiGht apiece.
 Some of the dishes and other articles could not be bought for thrice their weight in sovereigns, on account of the historical interest with which they are associated. There is one gold dish of surpassng loveliness, which is supposed to have been used by Alexander the Great before the battle of Hydaspes. and for upward of six centuries 1t has re- posed at Windsor. Another much valued piece of plate is the silver-gilt dragon, feet in height, which was recovered from an Armada wreck three centuries ago. while there is also a table of solid silver the surface of which measures nine rect square, and is engraved with the TOUT emblems of Great Britain.
 But perhaps one of the most cherlshed relics in the kings pantry is the golden eagle which was taken frop IlpPoo sa- hips throne It is of solid eotd throuSh- out the feather tips being pointed with nriceless diamonds and rubtes. While the beak is carved from fiameless emerald
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
Philadelphia Recor

Philadelphia Record.
 Love is largely question of capacity.
 The actor prefers short run to long walk.
 Blessings often come disguised. False teeth never ache.
 The weather. prophet never bets on his own predictions.
 True happiness consists m not wanting the things you can't get.
 No, Maude. dear. you can't open a jack pot with a corkscrew.
 He is a wise man who realizes the un- certainty of a sure thing
 1t doesn't take muscular young wo- man to throw a fellow overheard. pennies that they let the dollars go by.
 People with good intentions often re- semble an alarm clock that doesn't go off.
 The volume of business done by cre- matory depends upon it's urning capacity.
 Every man who has money is abused for not buying things other people want to get rid of.
 The older we grow the more we wonder at the enthusiasm of children over their birthdays.
 When 8 married woman elopes with an- other man it's hard to tell where the sympathy belongs.
 The fellow who orders spring lamb must sometimes expect to have the wool pulled over his eyes.
 The ragged edge of despair is not all ways shown by the fringe around the bottom of a mans trousers.
 Revenge may be sweet says the Manayunk Philosopher. but it is often only sugar-coated. after all"
 Nell--Why doesn't she try to improve her mind? Belle--I suppose she's too busy trying to improve her complexion
 SiIIicus-Pm afraid the world has very little sympathy for it's unfortunates. Cynicus--Nonsense! Haven't you ever noticed how people cry at weddings?
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08

her Soth 1890 On August 14th, 1890, he married Miss Anna H. Faison daughter of Major Lucius Faison of Clinton. N. C. Mir. Anderson resigned the pastorate of the church at Marion in order to accept the call of the Central Presbyterian Church to it's pastorate, and entered upon his work in Montgomery on December 18th. 1891.
 He has served the Church in the fol- lowing positions of trust: Director of the Alabama Bible Society; twice Moder- ator of the Presbytery of South Alabama the first Moderator of the Presbytery of East Alabama: Moderator of the Synod of Alabama. 1900; Commissioner to General Assembly 1895: Chairman of the Pres byterial Committees of Foreign Missions Colored EvangeliZatiOn. and Christian Education: member of the Synodical and Presbyterial Home Missionary Commit tees; member of the Synodical Executive Committee of the Orphans Home; mem- Der of the General Assembly's Executive Committee of Colored Evangelization. He is the author of the following publica- tions: "A Handbook of Presbvterianism in Alabama" published by the synod; The Recoil of Evolution's. Assault on Teleology;" Christian Science According to Mrs, Eddy" "A Young Mans vision Baccalaureate sermon University of Ala bama, 1900.
 He was one of the organizers and a member of the Executive Committee of tie Society for the Consideration of Race Problems in the South.'
 Trustee of the State Normal College. Montgomery; Chaplain End Regiment. A. N. c.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08
THE KITCHEN AT WINDSOR.
Six Sets of Meals are Daily Served
 in the Royal Household. .

London Tlt-Bits.
 It Is doubtful if there is any kitchen in the world so teeming with romance as the kings kitchen at Windsor, for in addition to the great historical interest attached to 1t, inasmuch as it has been In existence for upwards of seven centu- ries, 1t is veritable treasure house of gold.
 The royal kitchen is room of consid- erable size. much larger in fact, than the kitchens of many of the leading Lon don restaurants, for some hundreds or meals have to be prepared there every day. It is fitted up with black oaK throughout, for which George III. Was responsible. he having expended lVVVU pounds in this direction alone. But oe- sides the kitchen proper there are con fectionary room. the pastry room ana the bakehouse, in each of which s' fa- rate staff is employed.
 The clerk of the kitchen, who reJo in a salary of 700 pounds year, is sponsible for the conduct of these dep. ments, and he has to deal with all tradesmen who supply the royal hot hold. But the potentate Of the Kite Is the chef. who also receives zoo pou a year. and under him are four mas cooks each of whom has the cont of a small army of assistants; while confectfonary department is ruled by ycomen with salaries of 300 pounds s5o pounds respectively.
 Such a thing as unpunctuallty is known in the kings kitchen. Six SCI rate sets of meals are served up dai and for one to be late would throw
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08

Mir. Anderson has received several calls to churches away from Montgomery ill the past two years. the last one being to the second Presbyterian Church in Charleston. $. C.. which he announced to his congregation last Sunday he had declined.
 The Central Presbyterian Church was organized on July 30th, 1891. with thirty two members, and on November 1st of the same year the Rev. Neal l.. Ander- son. then pastor of the Church at Marion, was caled to become their first pastor. Services were first held in the Court House, but on March 16, 1892, the lot on the corner of Lawrence and Washington Streets was purchased and the present handsome and convenient church edifice erected at a cost of SL5. 900. including lot and furnishings. Since its organization the church has raised $5O,i22 from all sources, and has membership of 3N.
 Rev. Neal l.. Anderson has made most remarkable record during his little more than ten years service with this church. not only as a pastor but as preacher. He has consecrated himself to the work and has performed great amount of labor in the study. Tn the pull pit and among his flock.
 He received the degree Of Master ot Arts from Princeton University Tn lSsS' in a post-graduate course in Philosophy under Dr. James McCosh. and graduated from Princeton Theological Seminary in 1890. He was licensed to preach by the Prcsbytery of Wilmington, N. C'' in lSS9 and was ordained by the Presbytery Of Tuscaloosa at Marion. Ala. and installed pastor of the Marion Church on NoNem-
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08

worth. And it's always brains that wtn
 The same thing holds good with women. In fact, what brings this episode to my mind is that have been studying two girls of my acquaintance. One has beau- fv. the other can't make even the re- notest pretense to it. Yet the homeiy one is a great success. socially. and has no end of admirers while the beauty never holds hers for any length or tune. The secret is that the beauty is content with herself as she is, or if she eultivates anything 1t is her physical side. The homely girl. on the other hand, recog- rixes her deficiencies, cultivates her brain, ss we'll read. can talk and is sympathetic. And these are the qualities that count All in all. we are sure to be repaid when we cultivate the mental, the higher, side of ourselves and it's just as well to re- self interest if nothing else.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08
A New Tint of Green.

There is new tint of green just ont which is supposed to be the most fash ionable thing imaginable. l consider it horrid. Just think of the most vivid some idea of it. It simply jumps into your eyes. The great thing K to have s
 sunburned straw picture shape trimmed with d huge ostrich feather of this shade. Black straw sailors are also shown trimmed with it in some of tho more English Fifth Avenue millinery shops. All the bright things cono from Euglapd this year. It is d kud of rebellion against the mourning they were forced tn wcar last summer. Sou may be sure no
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08
Read It in His Newspaper.

George Schauh, q we'll known German citizen of New Lebanon, Ohio. is a con- stant reader of The Dayton Volkszeitung. He knows that this paper aims to adver- tise only the hest in it's columns. and when he saw Chamherlain's Pain Balm advertised therein for lame back, he did not hesitate in buying bottle of it for his wife. who for eight weeks had suf- fered with the most terrible pains in her back and could get no relief. He says: After using Pain Balm for a few days my wife said to me, I feel as though born anew and before using the entire con- tents of the bottle the unbearable pains had entirely vanished and she could again take up her household duties" He is very thankful and hores that all suffering likewise will hear of her wonderful re- covery This valuable liniment Is for sale bv F. c Fowler. Druggist adv.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08
nisnosition and Features.

Men have educated themselves up to the point where they can fall in love with a woman's disposition instead of her fca- lures. It isn't that they are no longer attracted by pretty face, but only that a pretty face without brains has no longer the power it used to have when men thought of women only as playthings and treated them accordingly. If there I'd anything the up-to-date man hates, it is the conventional beauty, overdressed and conceited, who hasn't an original idea of her own and IS even snort on those she has borrowed
 And, speaking of overdressing, do you
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08

Frenchman would evolve such a color as that green.
 It seems to me that women are becom- ing more and more absentminded. don't know whether it is that they are attempting more than they can do and are in consequence forced to go about their daily duties wrapped in d brown study or what. but it is fact neverthe- less. The other day my Aunt Sarah most respectable. middle-aged spinster
 was riding down town in a surface car
 Suddenly the car turned d lightning curve and d stout gentleman was violently seat cd in her lap. l think Aunt Sarah mast have been doing her accounts or calcu- iating how many yards of alpaca it would take for her new gown. for she received | his excessive apologies and protestations | with q far-away glance and when he had finished murmured absently, You're wei l come!"
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08
ANNUAL MEETING OF THE FIRST CHURCH OF CHRIST SCIENTISTS, BOSTON, MASS,
 TryrE 16Tu&AND 18TH 1902

For the above occasion the South ern Railway will sell tickets at one fare for the round trip, plus one dol lar. to Boston, Mass Tickets to be on sale June I1th, 18th and 18th, with final limit 10 return June 27th, 1902 Jno Metcalfe, T P A.
 Montgomery, Ala. W. II Tsyise, A c. P. A,
 ~ Atlanta, Ga. -tf.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08
A Dotted Muslin Waist,

The little blouse in the illustration
 shows this effect It is collarless and has elbow sleeves. which give it very chic and cool appearances. This waist is of
 white dotted muslin with trimming et wide bands of embroidery gun through with narrow black velvet ribbon. This trimming fits beautifully around the col larless neck, and the velvet ribbon is knotted into an irregular rosette on the left side. The yoke is all laid in tiny tucks, an arrangement providing a most becoming fullness, in the midst of which
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08

tdffeta silk and the outside skirt sepa- rate. In this way when she wants to go shopping or walking she need not wear her silk slip. but can substitute one made of the many half silk materials. Another advantage is that she can wear her black tafeta slip as petticoat with any other dresSV gown,
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08

know that irs going 10 be rather a fad among the really attractive girls this summer to dress simply? They are going fo leave the elaborate bows and rosettcs, the huge chiffon arrangements and the gnlatter dashings of lace to the common herd and will be seen in little, simple cowng aii of one color. with hat to match. But those little gowns will be fitted bea IL tfuliy and wiD be correctly and dalnuly fashioned in every particuiar.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08

dppFn : d bdliu of embroidery CurVing down. ward in front. r h is " a | s t would be charm ing worn with q white pique skirt or with one of the same dotted muslin made with d circular 0ounce headed by the embroidery and W1IH d . W tuckS clustered on the hips.
 l want to give
 d dress hint to the girl who is forced 10 be eco- nomical. When she has q suit made h a V e the hands of the
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08

yet IL was tne weak, puny man who succeeded
 while the other made q misera-
 ble failure and maddened a t what he was pleased to re- gard as g trick of fortune. shot
 his brother. But it wasn't a trick of fortune:: one man relied up- on his physical strength; t h c other, feeling that he was not like other men, that he must make up the tii6eren c c in some way, used his brains for all they were
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08
Kz1-- M& New York.
WESTPOINT CENTENNIAL
Continued from Page Eleven,)

Gen. E. Porter Alexander 57, as vet eran of the Civil War lConfederatep; Major F. J. McClemerd. '75, as veteran of the Spanish-American War.
 In the evening Of the 9th Memorial Hal is to be illuminated for the benefit of the graduates, whose long absence from the Point makes this structure novelty. From 9 to Il o'clock a recepton Will he given by General and Mrs. Schoheld ana Colonel and Mrs Mills in the hall. Tues day, June 10. is to be devoted to fun. The annual athletic contests among the four classes os the corps of cadets is to take place on the parade ground, begln- ming at 10 o'clock.
 In the afternoon there Is to he d base ball game between the military lads and the husky lads from Yale. Tuesday evening the wonderful graduation hall is to he held. Fully 1,2O0 persons are ex- pected to be present.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08
THE WOMEN WHO The New Things
 ATTRACT MEN Fashions.
..

Some time ago a prominent noyelstl a little deformed man. was murdered by his brother, an athlete. This served as an occasion for some of the newspapers to draw a parallel between the lives Of the two. They certainly started out un- equally fitted for the battle of life. and
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08

Not long ago Senator Hanna. on being
 asked whether with all his business and \ political success. he did not sometimes wish for something more, promptly re-
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08

'Ef de sayin' is trne\ dat de devils in politics" said Brother Dickey. 'hitll only result in climatiZin' de canderdates 10 de nlace whar some CT dem gwine. At lanta Constitution.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-06-08

piled; "Ycs. | have wish similar to one expressed hY an ancient Roman. | wish that mieht eat what I nlease and make some Democrat digest It."-EXchange.