davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25


Hon. T. Y. Fitzpatrick, Congressman
from Kentucky, writes from the Ma
tional Hotel, Washington, d. C., as fol-
lows;
cat the solicitation Of friend 7 used
your Penuna and can CheerfuMy recOn1-
mend your remedy to anyone suffering
with cafarnh or who needs = good
tonic. "---T. Y. FITZPATRICK.
A Good Tonic.
Pe-ru-na is a natural and efficient
nerve tonic. 1t strengthens and re-
stores the activity of every nerve in the
body.
Through the use of Pe-ru-na the
weakened or overworked nerves resume
their natural strength and the blood
vessels begin at once to regulate the
flow of blood according to natures laws.
COMPOSITIONS immediately disappear.
Catarrh Cprpd.
All phases of catarrh, acute or chronic,
are promptly and permanently cured.
It is through its operation upon the
nervous system that Pe-ru-na has at
tanned such a worldwide reputation asa
sure andreliable remedy for all phases.
Of catarrh wherever lccgfed.
III Won do not derive prompt and sati1-
factory results from the use Of Pernnn.
write at once 90 Or. HartiDan, Eivna q
fun statement 81 your caso and he win.
De pleased to give you his raluablo adj
vice free.
Address DR.. Hartman, President of
The Hartman ~Sanitarium, Columbus, o.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

The inhabitants Of a village In Sur
rey, England, recently witnessed a
quaint medieval survival In the
sale by auction Of a local meadow.
Long ago, when the world was not so
busy as IL is to-day, the landlord Of
the white brown meadow" at Bourne
b~equeathed the meadow subject to an
auction sale which every now and
again adds to The gayety Of this rural
population. At each bid a boy sets
out 20 run TO a gwen point and the
white brown meadow" Is let TO the
bidder whose ohc- Is unchallengeC
when the last boy returns.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
oNE ON HE HAo ovIaLookEp
capitniist point, oat che DEFECT IN
1,-,ot,rs. r,r~w.

Capitalist Point out enc defect IN
Inventors Scheme.
A great many curious inventions are
recorded at the patent office. and a
great many others that the public
never hears of are "sidetracked" on
the way there. A brisk. eager lndi-
vidual called On a capitalist for the
purpose of interesting him In a device
for discouraging burglars.
II want to get the idea patented, "
he said, and I haven't the money. I'm
willing to 60 halves with any man that
viii give me the financial backing My
scheme is this. You first make all
your doors and windows secure, so
they can't be opened at all from the
outside-make all Of them tight and
fast. except one-tnere are plenty Of
devices for doing that now days
make all Of them tight and fact except
one. Leave that one so It VIII open
easily. Then run a wire from that
window to the head Of yoIr bed,
where you have an aiarm bel. The
burglar comes along tries thu doors
and windows. aud when he csmes to
that n he raises IT, The alai m goes
Off and the burglar hears 1t ard fees,
or it wakes you up and you are ready
for him. In either case it accom-
plishes your purpose
But" said the capitalist, IF you can
make all the doors and windows fast
except one. why not make that one Sc
cure, too, and thus keep the burglar
out entirely7'
Il never thodf6t Of thatl" replied
the inventor rubbing his jaw.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

they stood on the ~lava-encrusted
shore of the little island that had been
destroyed by the volcano.
Blazing torrents still ran down the
sides of the mountain. while the very
air seemed fun of fire.
a man, who all along bad seemed
to be making every effort to control
himself, at last turned TO a companion
and remarked.
Us it hot enough for yous7
The task Of hurlipg him into the
belching crater was. indeed. a glad
surcease from the woe Of the inhabi-
tants.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

The Conquest Of Arid America
Ia the title OF one Of the most faecin-
aiinr books ever written about the
wonderful development p poundlees
Of the West. i Is JUST eucpi
a hook rs every western man ought to
read himself and then send So his
friends I'm the East. Recognizing ita
value. permission was obtained from
ne author and bis publishers TO re-
print several of It's most striking chap
fera such as "The Blessing Of Aridl-
w. 'eIhe New Colorado etc. This
dfty-page pamphlet, with other Liter
ature about the sunny San Luis Val
ley. will be sent free to any address
o receipt Of four cents Ia stamps 70
cover postage. ZEPH. CHAS. FELT,
1O2 Boston Building, Denver, Colo.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
Not His Fault.

How did your weather prediction
turn out?"
"The prediction was all right" an
swered the prophet, a little sternly.
but somehow or other the weather
went wrong again"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Herlock Sholmes took up the sub.
ject of the burglary boldly.
"You say" he remarked, that the
thief stole Miss Smartleigh's gloves?"
Yes" said the lady of the house,
"One pair of gloves"
"H'm!" unused the famous detec-
tive. 1T is as 1 suspected! He robbed
her right and left"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
she pldn,t Want AM.

Mrs. Everby-"But what's ali this
talk about woman's rights?"
The PROFESSIONALS an effort to
place oma and man on an equality"
Mrs. Everby-"But what's woman
done that she should be brought down
after that fashion? No, sir; / don't
want anything to do with your wo.
mans rights"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Il Is said that the servant girl prob
lem has been settled in New York.
The world at large would like to know
what plaR has been adopted to prevent
the treasured domestic from quitting
her employer just before house-clean-
ing time.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
Apprehenslons.

81 am very much afraid" said the
man with the melancholy manner.
that this prosperity will not last"
We'll" answered the genial person,
my friend, the professor, says that
n of these days the entire solar sys-
tenn is going to smash. But we might
as we'll enjoy ourselves while we can
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

One Of the leaders Of the new move
menr for the elevation Of womankind
gives this advice to girls: Never
marry a man who turns down the
gas" Perhaps she has tried it her
self and knows what she is talking
about.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
Between Friends.

Biggs-My wife asked me for money
again last night.
Diggs-Pshaw! That's nothing to
the bump l got this morning.
Biggs-How's that?
Diggs-I asked my wife for money
and she hadn't any to give me.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

While a Pittsburg jockey was play
fully attempting 70 part his wife's
hair with a Ratchet she put him per
manently out OF business with a bull
let The woman surrendered herself
% the police, but she should be given
. medal instead Of a trial.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

A Chicago Judge thinks SIS a week
isn't enough for a man who has a wife
and two children to support Il is
likely, however. that Hetty Green and
Russell Sage would regard that as
SUFFICIENT to provide riotous luxury.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Customer believe you are the
man Of whom I bought this cane.
Proprietor-Yes, L sold you that
cane.
Customer-And you said the handle
was Of genuine ivory, and I find that
It Is artificial.
Proprietor can't help II. sir. I
Import my ivory direct from CeyIon,
and the only explanation I can give is
that the elephants have taken to wear
ing false tusks.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Hojack-Here's an account Of how
man wrote a love letter and got
INTO trouble by It.
TomdikZI can sympathize with that
fellow. That's how happened to get
married.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

81 hear you're gong to file a claim
against the city"
Eyes; and after I've filed It / sup.
pose the jury viii chop It and saw II
and shave II down 70 nothing"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

"It's wonderful, said the meditative
man, how one small word, insigntf-
cant in itself, may induce an endless
train of thought, speaking volumes in
fact"
Yes" replied the caustie man.
Take the word but for instance.
when a woman says: OF course it's
none of my business, but
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

THAT great matters are not always
the most important is evidenced" re-
marked the stork, by the fact that
my fame and reputation are due sole
ly to my strict attention to very lit
tie things"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

John Fox, Jr, has been announcing
that Kentucky feuds are things of
the past. This reform in the Blue
Grass state is probably due to the
fact that all the warning families have
been exterminated.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
A Gentle Hint.

Lenders-Do you ever think Of that
''ten-spot" you borrowed Of me?
Borroughs-Don't worry. / still have
It in mind.
Lenders-Don't you think it about
time you relieved your mind?
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

odd Jones is dead, I see. 1 wonder
how his estate will be divided? It
seems a pity that it can't be kept to.
gether.'
"A good deal of it viii be scattered
widely in small amounts. I fancy. but
there will be a pretty good block for
each of the residuary legatees."
who are they?'
"Oh, the Chorus Girls Union and
the Whisky Trust"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

II England and Germany combine
and drop down on President Castro
OF Venezuela with a demand for pay
ment of debts he win discover at once
the difference between a business
proposition and a South American
revolution.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Clara-"Half the time he says he
doesn't know whether / love hira or
not, about one-quarter he hopes that
l do, and the rest he thinks / may
and in addition he is nearly always
utterly miserable"
Maud-"Well, I'm glad you're max.
ing such a success of the affair"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
The Lease Wa slansd.

but the parlor Is 80 awfully small, 4"
said the prospective tenant.
yes, and the parlors in the adjoin.
ing houses are just as small" replied
the agent. That's the beauty of 1t.
That's not much comfort for me.
"Oh, yesi Your see, neither Of your
neighbors has room for a piano"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Merchant-n we employ you It must
be understood that we are to charge
you for all the mistakes you make.
Appllcant-That's all right. ii you1l
reward me for all the mistakes don't
make.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Ex-President Simon Sam of Haiti is
charged with having stolen IS, 600 900
from the public treasury. The fact
that the island is not portable pre-
vented him from taking it away with
him.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Distracted Wife-"Tm going to the
dentists to have this tooth out. Just
mind the baby till l come back"
Husband with alacrity) mind
the baby, Jeanne; I'll go and get a
tooth pulled out!"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
No Heln Al All.

you will marry a tall, dark gentle
man." said the fortune teller, exaInin-
ing the lines in the fair hand.
That doesn't help me" despairing-
" replied the lovely blonde who had
called TO consult her. "All three Of
them are tall and dark"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
Perfectly Correct.

A gentleman was one day visiting
a friends house, and while strolling
in the garden came r his little
boy, and, speaking to him, said:
well, my little man, how old are
your"
The child answered Five"
And what are you going to be-"
six"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Germany is having its first expert
ence with the pianola. The kaiser
viii now have an opportunity to hear
the rag-time airs that soothed Prince
Henry on his American tour.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Now that a prize fighter has been
killed in the ring at Boston, It may be
discovered that Massachusetts has
laws intended to prohibit public slug
Eing matches.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Queen Wilhelmina has contributed
$500 for the benefit Of the Martinique
sufferers. This will cause her hus-
bands creditors to express another
large batch of disgust.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Mickey-Wot made yer quit yer Job.
Jimmie?
Jimmie-Cos de boss had a record
of all me relations wot died last sum-
mer, a n he wouldn't let me use any Of
EN- over again. If l don't git a new
job l can't see no ball games.-Judge.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

How viii King Alfonso's subjects
like his admission that he does not
like bull fighting himself. and that
he would like to introduce horse ra-
cling as a substitute?
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

II you don't get the biggest and best
It's your own fault. Defiance Starch
Is for sale everywhere and there ls pos
itively nothing to equal il In quality or
quantity.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

what IN the world do you want
with SO many stocksngs-and such
gorgeous ones. too2"
"Oh, / believe IN laying up some
thing for a rainy day
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
ln Yanoguke IwasakI.

Baron YanOsuke Iwasaki. the
wealthiest merchant Of Japan. is com
ing to the United States. Perhaps he
intends to form a kimono trust that
will raise the price Of calico negli-
gees from S1.99 to 1921.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
4 Kent count.

Mother-How often have / told you
not to allow that young man to kiss
you2
Daughter don't know, ma, but
certainly not so often as he las kissed
me.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

New York's Han OF Fame seems 70
have been forgotten early.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Fort de France can hardly take its
place among the worlds celebrated
health resorts for a few days yet.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

People who have investigated the
matter say that the swearing habit
is becoming more common than it was
a few years ago. So are automobiles.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Some of the special correspondents
who have been writing industriously
about the Martinique calamity will
oon arrive at the scene of the dis.
aster.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Philadelphia has a baby that drinks
FIVE gallons of milk at a meal. o, yes,
Of course you knew right away that
il is q baby elephant.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Mrs. Call-How do you like your
new servant girlY
Mrs. Hiram Onen-Well, she's very
sympathetic.
Mrs. Calls she?
Mrs. Hiram Ofen-Yes, every time
I complain Of a headache she declares
she has one, too.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

It will be a long time before that
new Castellane baby will be old
enough to call papa to account for
wasting mammals money.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Ragtime music has been prohibited
on the recreation piers in New York
This is another of the horrible acts Of
the reformers.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

The meanest man has just been dis
covered in Chicago. He pawned mis-
wlfe's false teeth to raise money for a
can of beer.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

An optimist is a man who thinks he
can take a few cheap tools and a back
door yard and keep his table supplied
with green stun.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Briggs-Wonder why they call those
designs on stockings "clocks2
Griegs-Because watches are set by
heIi, perhaps.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

The excitement Of lodging taxes
does a great deal to prevent New
York's society suffering from ennui.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Kings are only men, says a wise
contemporary. Yes. indeed, and some
times they are only boys.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

As Mary MacLane's book is 10 be
dramatized it seems to be about time
to turn in a general alarm.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
Had Plenty Of ExperIenoe.

Mistress-Have you had any expert
ence?
neutrality-suspicious. Indeed ]
havel Why. have had thirteen
places IA the last two months.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

The servant problem is being solved
in New York. The society women are
taking lessons in Homework.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Many a man leads an honest life be
cause he doesn't relish the idea Of
wearing clothes with stripes running
the wrong way.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

The cyclones in Kansas and Okla
homa are selecting routes where they
a use the fast trains for pacing pur-
poses.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

why Is It hat men will vote for a
legislative candidate whom they would
not trust to carry a penny to a blind
man?
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Every year we make war on the
mosquito, and every year the mosquito
fights back.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

The funniest thing that we have seen
lately is-no, it isn't, we find we hal
started to quote a patent medicine
"ad."
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
THE HUMOR OF LIFE.
MERRY JEsTs TURNED OUT BY
THE OFFICIAL FUNMAKERs.

Was Willing to Divide the Chewing
cum-Knew How the Estate Would
Pc Divlded-Blamed the Elephants
for the Quality Of Ivory.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

The asphalt trust doesn't seem to
have laid an easy street. TO walk on.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

? sTUssffas y0oFefani5 neal any
plans for the SUMMER YETI
Jess-Wel ma says wen take a
cottage at Newport for july and Au-
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
Not q Lanauaae ior Boasters.

Somebody has discovered that Ju.
Illus Caesar didn't talk much about his
campaigns.
But then, perhaps, julie was a little
ashamed Of the imperfections Of his
Latin.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
what He Was LOOKING FOR.

Agent-Here, sir, is a book that
should be in every family. It contains
a receipt for everything, sir-eveTy-
thing.
Cholly-Give me three copies. If
it has a receipt for my tailor's bill III
take FIVE.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
certaIn Advantaaes.

Robbie-Ain't yer vaccination heal
ed up yet?
James-Naw.
Robbie-Gee! Don't it make yer
feel bad?
James-Naw. The doctor told
nom l mustn't take a bath till It was
all healed up.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Visitor to Jail-Why are you here?
Prisoner "a pickpocket)ZI am here
as a result of a moment of abstrac-
ton.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

"Oh. l s'pose." replied little Bobbie,
as he held 1t out reluctantly, IF you
think they need It wurse'n do"
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
Denver Directory.
SADDLES and HARNESS

with Drnochtnu
for 81; so Steel
Horn Stock sad
die Tor 60; $50
Steel Horn saddle
double cfnoha
tor ttb. Do not
be deceived b.
worthless imita-
lions but send
your order direct
to us and get tho
best genuine oak
AI hnmannm
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
A Cheerful elver.

"And aren't you going to give your
penny for the poor heathen?" asked
the Sunday school teacher, %reproving-
Iv
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Teacher-Are you chewing gum?
Boy-Yes. ma'am.
Teacher-Give it to me!
Boy-No, l won't. I'll give you half
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

have said enough now" she said, with
cold anger. I'm going home, and !
wish to go alone" She picked up her
basket and walked hurriedly away. her
head high and her whole carriage x
pressive Of incorporating determin-
alton. Her lover stood looking after
her for a moment with the frowH in-
tensihed and then turned angrily on
his heel aud took four or hve quick
PAGES In the opposite direction.
The Decoration day services In the
hall we're over and the procession
started for the cemetery on the top o.;
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25
Tess-How about September?

Jess-Pa says we'll have to take
what we can get then-at the aims.
house. .
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1902-07-25

Address DR.. Hartman, President of
The Hartman Sanitarium, Columbus, o.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1902-09-20

DoN'T wear clothes with dirty
looking spots on them when Weibel
will make them look as well as new
for trife. Send them to 424 Front
street.
ALTHOUGH there are several new
voting places established 10 this dis
trict each voter has only the privilege
of voting at a single one Of them on
the same day.
WHEELING Is shy Of houses also.
The cry sent out from Morgantown
has been heard in many cities but
several Of them claim to be in the
same boat.
FIRE limits should be established
in Morgantown and that right away
The time is past when any sort OF an
old building ought to be allowed to be
built. Things call for different
sort Of style than they used to de-
mand.
THE fight between the rival pack
ct companies does not seem to wax
very warm but the employees of each
still carry their side arms. The
Anchor line has the best of it so
far.
The Dean and Hoffman company
have secured the front room in the
Lazier building for an Office. The
room was formerly used by Mr..
Lazier for an ice cream and candy
store.
GEO. B. DARRAH the building
contractor has large job under way
at Point Marion and will be engag
ed there the greater part of the time
for probably the next two months.
THE excursion given by the
daughters of Rebekah left the wharf
this morning at s o'clock with quite
a good crowd. The members of the
party will enjoy themselves on the
boat today while making the trip to
Brownsville aid will probably reach
the wharf this evening about 9
o'clock.
PRoF. SAMUEL, the celebrated eye
specialist is at the Wallace House
where he may be seen by those
whose eyes need attention.
ALL who have any defect of the
eyes or trouble with the sight from
any cause will do well to see DR..
Samuel at the Wallace House.
A FULL and new line of silver pur-
ses and satchels, all sizes, all prices,
all new styles and shapes.
GEO. @. HAYES & Co.,
Leading Jewellers.
You will find the best brussels car
pet in town for soy per yard. The
priettiest and cheapest line of rugs,
mattings, linoleums, oil cloth, DC at
Werner. Fortnev & Co.