Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-05-10

The D0d--l trust you haven't con-
tracted debts at college, my son. The
Son-Tbey are scarcely contracted.
father.-Harvard Lampoon.
Nell-Yes, George and / are engaged,
but you mustn't say anything 20 him
about il.
Belle whv-doesnt he know it?-
Philadelphia Record.
Grindicus-A man can't get an educa-
tion nowadays without money. Sporti-
cus-In other words, you claim that the
tree of knowledge sprouts from the roots
of all evil-Harvard Lampoon.
First Tramp see dey're tryiD' to
abolish railroad passes.
Second Tramp-Well, | guess you an
] needn't worry about il. We're all right
until dey abolish freight trains.-Judge.
Sign Of Death.-Jimson--I nave heard
that il is sign of death if a dog howls
beneath your window. Jester--Beneath
my window? You bet! | would kill any
dog that would dare TO do it.-Ohio State
Journal.
What is your idea Of a statesman"
"A statesman" said Farmer Corntos-
sci. sis an office-holder who can quit
while and remember the American
eagle. -Exchange.
Real Fup.-Lieut. Lovett sentimental
ly)-Fve come TO say ''goodby." I've been
ordered to the Philippines. Miss Giddy-
How jolly! tn be so interesting now
TO read the lists Of the killed and wound
ed.-Philadelphia Press.
Old Lady--You seem a dreadful sort of
person. Can | offer you no spiritual
comfort my friend? Bill Bagge- Yes,
mum, thankee; | don't mind 'aying
pen'orth wild yer over at the Red Cow
Glasgow Evening Times.
What are the chances TO gain admis-
sion to the bar in your town." asked the
law student of a native well, stran-
ger. thar amt no trouble during the
week, but you've got TO be mighty slick
on Sunday. Atlanta Constitution.
Railroad engineers. while usually
bright and intelligent. do not always
have a correct idea of spelling. On one
of the road recently a trouble slip
came in with this inscription on il:
'Headlita is loose, please titan it.
Proud,-"Does Miss Billions think
great deal of the nobleman she married.
said one young woman. Yes" an
swered the other. she Is as proud of
him as she can be. She says he was
such bargain. Washington Star.
Plowed Up Rube-W'en Won goin' ter
cit at yer spring plowin'? JOSH don't
calc'late TO do none. Rube-- You don't? ?
Why John Won't have ter I've
lowed d lot o. amateur golfers ter use my
fields for practice sence Febyary phila-
delphia Press.
Not worth saying Mike going down
LADDER -Houd on. Pat. Don't ye2
come on the ladder till Dim down. It's |
0uld and cracked Pat getting onl-
ARA, be aisy. 1t would sarve tn boss
right 70 have 10 buy new one.--New
York Weekly.
Whenever I'm inclined 10 lose my
temper" said the philosophic man, II
Just think 10 myself, oh. there's no use
getting mad.
so do L. replied the excitable person.
land that makes me all the madden. -
Philadelphia Press.
The automobile had broken down, and
the chauffeur was busy trying to discov
or the trouble The impatient owner OF
the machine al last broke out:
Hurry UP, Felix; there are lot OF
people crossing the street that we are
missing" Statesman,
Native Pride.-,'I suppose" said tie
Fastener sarcastically, you never have
single cyclone in your country
Right you are" replied the kansan
hoastfully. I'VE never have anything less
than a hieyclone or tricyclone here
Catholic Standard and Times.
The panic in the diamond market is
growing worse instead of better Ii is
now almost impossible to get No
whites in carload lots; No, blues can
he obtained only in bushel lots. and No
l strawS are no longer quoted. except
by the pcck.-Chcago Tribune.
Dissertations Yes" said the woman
with sharp eyes, those people who
moved in next door are inclined to make
an ostentatlous display of their wealth.
in what way r "They go into the cor
ner grocery and order beefsteak in "a loud
tone of voice. Washington Star.
Sweet Girl am loved by two men,
and | cannot make up my mind which
70 marry. What would YOU advise?
Ola Lady-Get both 10 insure their
lives IN Your favor. and then wait until
consistency 81 the o.her.-New YORK
Weekly.
We have captured another Philippine
general, announced the hoarder with the
paper
Il wonder when we'll capture mi.
vateg" asked the hat clerk; there seem
TO be more generals in the Philippines
than there ere colonies i'm Kentucky -
Philadelphia Record
Kinks Why did RiSley Join the priest
hood2 Is hs grieving so over his wife's
death?
Minks-Not be- His wife was theos-
onhist. and believed in Teincarnati0u.
She prophesied she'd be back in six
years, 50 Risley's gone in FOR celihacy--
Town Topics.
II is told Of learned professor who
was better at Greek than golf. shat after
Il round on the links. in which he had
fooled most Of his shots, he turned 10
bis caddie for advice as to improving his
play. The reply of the ruthless caddie
was: 'Ye see. sir. it's easy Ia teach lad
dies Latin and Greek. but il needs a
head fer gowif. Tit Bits.