The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1902-10-13

birthday present."
The old man looked from one to the
other of us. embarrassed
"God forbid" he said feelingly. that
should think so i'll of my dear chill
dren. hut, perhaps--yes, I know, that's
it, one of the newly invented patent
electric night lamps, eh?'
I giinned. Anna looked daggers at
me.
"Tt is new coffee machine. father,
| dear" said my wifes sister Fannie,
whose head is always full of mischief.
"You throw the beans In on one side
and cafe au lat' already made flows
out on the other. Plain as daylight"
Fannie. my child said /. with all
the dignity l could muster, "please go
and bring some hot water and the
necessary ground coffee. and give us II
chance to demonstrate to father the
utility of this wonderful machine"
Fannie did so. In the meantime the
old man walked several times around
the table shaking his silvery locks and
casting suspicious glances at the COM
plicatcd thing before him. He looked
positively frightened.
say, Otto" turning to me with an
anxious face. IL hope that thing will
not explode? We read every day dread
full stories about these new tangled
patents in the papers. Please be care
full. children. / beg of you"
"WhS. father. the whole proceeding
is so very simple" my wife pleaded, de-
Tending her present, Just read what 1t
SAYS here, | take the water"-taking
the vessel with the hot water from
Fannc--"and pour it into the boiler,
like this, see. just So Aw!" she sud-
denly cried out. She had scalded her
fingers.
1t was my turn now. please step
aside | said, going up to the table. "let
me try. You will injtre yourself worse
with your experimenting. Hand me the
water, Fannie: that's it, thank you.
dear! And now I'll light the lamp.
Zounds, the stuff won't burnt"
ut is prepared on-inhammable alco-
tol for medicinal purposes" said ia
ther.
We'll. then. send for some that will
burn" I cried out of patience. after !
had wasted dozen or so ma atches in
the vain attempt to ignite the lamp.
IL know what l am going to do. 7
am going to sacrifice my bottle of eau
de Cologne" Fannie exclaimed mag
unanimously. "what is the difference"
She ran off and pretty soon returned
with the odorous nuid emptying it into
the lamp after had poured out the
",ncdcated" alcohol.
The cologne burned all right. and
pretty soon a low. melodious singing
could be heard, showing that the ma
chine was beginning to do its work.
| MY wifc's countenance was all aglow.
Now she was happy. only father looked
still anXious-lke and worried
"Children, better not go near it, he
admonished. "only yesterday three lit
tie girls We're terribly scalded, you
| know"
Pretty soon the steam seethed inside
the machine. the cover fell upon the
laml, and the flame was eXtinguished.
l looked sideways at my wife with
grin.
according to the receipt" | said,
maliciously, "the coffee ought to be
done now, but fail to smell the usual
aroma. 10 you?'
Just then the water in the boiler be-
gan seething and bubbling stronger,
end a stream of water shot out of the
latter into the glass tube and thence
into the bowl on top.
My. how nice exclaimed my little
S-year- old brother-in-law Fred, glee-
fully. For all the world like a water
fall.
My wife was disgusted. She turned
pale from subdued excitement and an
ger. What can this mean" she said,
something must be wrong?'
II think your self-actor-eXtraction
machine is suffering from internal
troubles. There is altogether too much
internal business l ventured to re-
mark dryly. Il dare say. you are be-
ginning to make up your mind where
the best rocking chairs are for sale, eh,
DEAR"
My wife looked as if she We're con-
siderng whether it would be the better
policy to fall in IA fainting fit into my
arms or to declare herself vanquished
and pay the bet while her dear father
continued shaking his head until the
taSsrl on the top of his cap swung to
and frc like a pendulum.
Well" he at last remarked, this is
the funniest apparatus | ever saw.
| Where is the Coffee" when suddenly
Fannie, in her usual impulsive way,
| cried:
What set of fools we all are! We
forgot all about putting some in"
Sure enough, A napkin had been ac-
cidentally thrown over the ground cof-
fee brought in by Fannie, and during
| the prevailing excitement of expect
ancy nobody had given it a thought,
My wife was delighted. Her machine
was to be redeemed after all. After
favoring me with another annihilating
look the second act of the drama began.
Not single word was spoken, We
Werr awaiting developments.
Again the seething and bubbling
sound, and even the aroma of steaming
coffee filed the room. The brown fluid
could he seen passing through the tube,
ana eNclamations of surprise and grati-
hca ion escaped the lips of those pres
cnt. Anna was all smiles and sunshine.
Il trust" she said to me mschiev-
Ousy, that you have not forgotten the
address where to buy that brooch we
We're talking about yesterday"
Even father nodded satisfied and
pleasantly,
This is a practical machine" he
unused complacently, pouring out the
first cup of the brown beverage, "and
what an aroma, but rather an odd sort
of smell. Strange, isn't it? What does
it smell like"
The old man lifted the cup to his lips
and tasted the contents. With a jerk
ne set it down again upon the table,
making WHY face.