Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-10-17
- '@s.:,nlkSEIfS
.s17;s,l%1E

| A home remedy: do you think coal
oil is good for mosquitoes?" I think
hard sia~ is cleveland Plain
Dealer.
"Mannish sort of girl" "Is she real
| ly?' VERY. She used the telephone
for the first time in her life to-day, and
she didn't giggle once"
| Tough: "Oh. Henry, don't cut your
| pie with knife ELIZA. you ought
| to be thankful 1 don't call for cam
opener. Chicago Record.
Briggs-What's your idea of heaven?
Griggs-Well, it's the way a man feels
the first three days after he is home
from summer vacation.-Life.
Lls Object: Citiman-I see you raise
your own vegetables. Suburbanite-
No! 1 simply plant small garden so
MS to keep The chickens at home.-Life.
Reporter-You are so confident of
catching this criminal you must have a
strong clew. Detective-We have. He
didn't wear a Panama.-New York
Sun.
1.-The singer has made great strides
in the profession, hasn't sheT' 'Yes.
indeed. Formerly. when she received
an encore, she sang; now she usually
smiles
A Clever Lawyer: ''Is he a good law
yer? "a good lawyer! Why, say!
have known him to prove the truth Of
!. what isn't so, and not half try."-Chi-
cago Post.
Making love: "As mere matter of
curiosity, sir. 1 should like to know
how long you have been making love
to my wife?" Il began, sir, when you
left otf."-Life.
Mother-Did the professor propose?
Daughter-Dear me, mother, he was
on the very verge of it, and foolshly
happened to mention bacteria.-De-
troit Free Press.
"PaDa, what Is the difference be-
tween the smart set and the four hun
dred?' "Why, my son, the four hun
: dred is limited to twenty-six hundred,
but everybody is in the smart set
, Life.
Our Two Great Glasses: The world
seems to be divided into two classes;
: those who board, and envy those who
t keep house, and those who keep house,
and envy the boarders.-Atchison
Globe.
"And you still insist that your flying
machine Is practical commercial
quantity?" II do" answered the busi-
ness-like inventor; "if you don't believe
it can show you the gate receipts. -
Washington Star.
Magistrate-Now, I'll let you off this
> time, but it must be lesson for you
not to be in bad company again. Pris-
oner-Gee whizz! it amt my fault that
I'm here; the cops made me come
Philadelphia Record.
Lawyer Brief see that case of
: yours is on. Jury drawn yet? Lawyer
Skinner-Yes, and it's a splendid one.
Lawker Brief-Above the average in
intelligence, eh? Lawyer Skinner-No;
way below it.-Philadelphia Press.
At Two Dollars Visit: Eyes, the
doctor has put me on the strictest kind
of Diet Indeed. What is it?"
"Well, he says l mustn't eat anything
l don't like, and not any more than l
want of what l do."-Baltimore News.
what are you doing?' asked the JUS
tice as the defendants counsel began
his argument. "Going to present our
side of the case" 81 don't want to
hear both sides," replied the justice.
'It has tindincy to confuse the coort."
Driver-Did you mark the spot
where your conrade fell out Of the
boat and was drowned? O'Lafferty-
Shure, OF did. OF took piece av wood
an left it foatin on tn wather at tn
very place he went down, sor.-Ohio
State Journal.
The Real Thing: "Are you a real In
dian?" asked the investigating youth
of one of the painted Indians who ac-
companied Buffalo Bills Wild West
Show. "Sure!' replied the Indian; IL
was born an raised in Indianapolis,
Indiana a."-Exchange.
Mrs. Wederly (unmasking after the
fancy balD-Oh, but didn't l fool you.
though? You had no idea that you
were flirting with your wife all the
evening. Mr.. Wederly-NO, l hadn't;
Won were SO very agreeable l was COM
pletely deceived.-Tit-Bits. :.
The danger of a little knowledge:
g "Don't you sometimes regret that you
o did not devote more time to your edu-
d cation in early life?" mo, SIR" an
It swered the politician; eff 1 had learned
e to talk grammatical the voters in my
= district would think 1 was putin on
8 airs and driftin' away from the hearts
Of the people" Washington Star.
u "Why did you insist on getting me
y an upper berth in the sleeping carp
, asked the habitually austere lady.
:, "WeIl," answered her irrepressble
niece, "you have been expecting for SO
= many years to find somebody under
YOUR bed that 1 thought 1t might re-
lieye your mind to have all doubts on
It the subject removed at once."-Wash-
/, ington Star.
IS eyes," said the young wife, Henry
re and 1 had some words this morning,
and I can't deny that he got the best
n of it.'' '"That will never do," returned
% the experienced neighbor. "You can't
s. afford to start in married life that
). way" "I know it." answered the
a young wife. I've thought it all over,
y and when he comes home tonight I'm
l. going to bring him to terms so quick
v 4l,+ bo,lI bo r6Jv know what's hopnop