The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-10-07
HONEST ABE. U. S. NJ.
he Tells of Two Men Who Couldn't
Be Bluffed.

other day. He was seated on the Top u
load of hay, and he halted in the mid
die of the highway and called to me:
ABE, durn your hide. you represent
the United States"
"I do, Uncle JIM" replied.
you are the American eagle and the
star spangled banner rolled into one.
you boss the roost and sit on the
top rail of the fence. and you licked
the Spanish and kin do it again"
That's me-"
but you can't bluff Uncle Jim Tav
Tor. Abe: you can't do it. Them later
bugs are at work in my patch. and
who's goin to make good my loss? L
give you fair warnjn. but you let the
0okernuts come right along
I'm in a hurry today. Uncle Inm.
Z said as I picked up the lines.
'tBut 1 amt. Abe. I'm goin to stand
right up to these United States and
show EN- what sort of a man am.
I'm goin' to stop the U. S. mail dead
still right here and now. I know It's a
states prison offense. but I'll do 1t Just
the same and defy you to arrest me-,
won't you give me half the road!
''1Iot half an inch"
wont you back UP a little2"
mot back"
''Uncle Jim, I don't want to make you
trouble. You are a good man and
should hate to see you go to prison
''Never mind that Abei' he shouted
''Pm down on this government I'm
a-defyin' it. I'm a-stODptn' the man
and shown folks that : can't be crush
ed"
While he was talking I pulled my
horse into the ditch and passed on, and
as 1 looked back over my shoulder IN
Gle Jim shook his fist at me and called:
"Durn you Abe, but if you'll wait tn
kin git down and git my wampus on
I'll lick these United States till thu
can't boiler"
A 70, fI1y 4y1fn
down house on a Wretched piece of land
on the county line road a few weeks
ago. and ] stopped there the other day
to get a light for my pipe. 1 noticed
that most of the doors were off and the
windows broken. and the only crop IN
sight on the land around was half an
acre of corn which had grown knee high
and then turned a Slckly yellow Ihe
man was ragged and had a starved
look, and his wife on the doorstep be
hind Kim seemed still worse off
After l had lighted my pipe and ex-
planned my business l said:
You don't seem to be getting along
here very WE'LL
''Only Jest tolerably-jest tolerably."
he replied.
This old house needs many REPAIRS
Yes sir it do
II see that the weeds have killed your
corn"
7 guess they have, sir-kined the corn
You don't appear to be much of a
farmer"
mo, sir. not MUCH
And your health is not very good"
Very pore, sir; very pore"
But there's reasons for it, said the
wife. speaking for the first time and
coming up to take a seat beside her
husband. I'VE are a family as has had
trouble-heaps of trouble"
Sickness, L suppose?"
Mo. not that. You see, we was both
Presbyterians over in Ohio. Then We
moved to Indiana and got to be Bap
lists. From thar we went to Illanoy
and fined the Methodists. Then we
got down yere, and Daniel leaned 10
the Universalists while I was strong on
the Adventists. We've bin three vars
selSin' to figger it out Sometimes I've
bin ahead of Dan'l, and ag'in he's had
me up a tree. We've Jest felt that we'd
got to settle the religun befo We
could 20 to work, and that's what
makes US SO shift1ess looking"
And you have finally settled the
question, have your"
I'VE Se-"
YES; she's all settled" added the
husband
What kind of religion have you con-
cluded to adopt?"
"A sorter. sab It's about seven diff
ferent religuns scrambled into one, but
it leaves out all the brimstun and al
lows Danl to loaf all the week and
fish all day Sunday We've finally got
what we've long bin after, and next
time you come this way you won't
fly has moved in herel"
A mile west of Bebee's Corners I met
two men with an electric battery on
wheels. such as are drawn around
through the country for the benefit of
villagers. The men were making good
time and looking back in ar anxious
way, and they wouldn't stop to give
any explanations. When I reached the
Corners, I saw that something had
happened. Three men were lifting the
body of a young man into farm
wagon while fourth was using his
careful.
HAS there been an accident?" ]
asked as I got down from my cart.
Not skarsely, SIR replied the fourth
man. who was an old farmer. THAT
is, my son here is still alive and con-
scious. You wouldn't call it an acct
dent, would you, Bill?''
The patient shook his head in a sol
emn manner, but he did not speak.
He is sick, then, and you are taking
him homer"
you wouldn't skarsely call it a case
of sickness, would your" asked the ia
Their as he famed away
The young man rolled up his eyes
and shook his head but uttered no wore
in reply.
Has he had a fit of sunstroke?" ]
asked as the father Strengthened Bill:
legs out on the hay.
"Skarsely, sir, skarsely-that is, Vol
wouldn't call it a fit or stroke, woulC
you William"
William uttered a deep drawn groar
and closed his eyes. The father famed
away for a minute and then continued
mo, it's not accident or sickness o.
a fit or a stroke. You see William anC
me cum to the Corners this mawnin
to do a leetle tradin' While we wa
lool1in' around we found two feller
with one of these electric machines OF
wheels I'd seen 'em afore but vii
liam hadn't knowed huff to let tn
blamed thing alone. but William want
ed to be ticlxied by Electricity He'
a good deal of a brag, William is, AM
when I advised him to let the thin,
alone he said to me, said he:
Pop, III show you more fun thai
LII drnyv fxsricf