The Record. (Gardnerville, Nev.) 1902-1904, 1902-11-28
MR.. DOOLEY ON
OVER-EDUCATION.
By F. p. Dunno.

"Ye have TO be so intilligentn
Who's in trouble now?n asked Mr.
Hennessy.
Me frind, tn prisidint iv Harvard, y
said Mr.. Dooley. Hes very sad.
thought th' wurruld was goin' on splin-
didly. Firm day to day tn weather
has been pretty good, barrin' occasional
rain. TIL coal sthrile Is over an we'll
all have plinty of coal this winter If tn
watchman don't look out. Th' people
ar-round me ar-re pretty good folks
whin they don't crowd. They're as
happy as they desarve to be an as
good to each other as they ought TO be.
| amt diccontinted with th' wurruld
an | amt sad an / think ivrything
will come out all right in tn end or
nearly right or wrong, or some way
But not so with me frind tn prisidint
iv Harvard. Where we an me, Hin
Missy, with our little siX-an-three-
eights intelligence sees nawthin' but
good enough, th' prsidint iv Harvard
beholds blue aud mournful situation.
TIL wurruld is on tn blink. Things
amt comm out right. We're all goin'
to tn divvle an no wan to hinder.
It's bad, wicked, eard-playin', novel
readin', booze-consumin,, wife-batin',
laughin' odyous wurruld. An what's
tn reason Fri. lddyeation! lddyea-
ton, be hivens. TIL eommin schools
has put ivrything 10 tn bad.
81 was lookn' at his speach tn other
day an it made me feel as diseased as
| ifpd beon readin' a book iv family
med dcin. 1 am obliged, he says TO
inform ye,' he says, that tn good we
EXPECTED firm poplar iddycation hasn't
come off, he says. Il will proceed he
says, TO tn unwelcome but agreeable
but agreeable task iv tellin' We about
it, he says.
In tn first place, fr more thin
two gin 'rations we have been sthrug-
glin' with th' barbrous if jolly vice iv
drunkenness, which nobody can de-
ny which nobody can deny. | ex-
pcted all along that a knowledge iy
joggerphy an compound numbers wud
friyer rid tn wurruld iv this curse
that has. come upon us lately an that
was unknown in tn Plymouth gin
ration. (Banghter.) ut not at all.
Tn fact that man can bound Zambesi
an dig up tn gquare root iv ten don't
seem to have subjooed tn horrid era
vim fr th' fightin' mixtures. Theu-
sands iv men who have declined verb
have niver declined bowl. Tn n
mount iv liquor that is ivry year push
ed into tn fev'rish head iv persons
who know about fractions an tn Use
" "shall' an "willa Is enough to
drive an an iddycator TO dhrink.
81 leap to another cause iv tn
dumps. Gamblin'. Gaiablini is n
new vice. niver heard iv 1t befure
wint to Harvard. But such holt has
1t tookod this poor land iv ours through
tn assistance iv poplar iddycation
that to-day in ivry hamlet tn click iv
the poker check is tn response to tn
clang iv tn school bell. Little boys
dart firm tn blackboard to tn horrid
chalked circle in tn schoolyard where
mbs FIR keeps while their mothers
gamble at eriobsge fra penny pint
an their fathers set up all night thryin'
to fill tn busted flush. But in vain.
/ now pass to novels, which make
me mos depressed. | had hoped in
tn halycon days iv me youth that
whin wa had piped our people full iv
quadratic equasions they would read
only tn best books, e. e., Gloom be
Charles w. Eliot; Despair, be c. W.
Eliot, an elliot on Wasted Oppor
chunities.n On tn honthry, they
they seem to be PLACED with Billy
Baxter. 1t is too bad.
"'Again am rayjooced to tears be
what amuses people. Wan iv th' worst
things that eau happen to people is
to he aisily amused. Iddycation has
made us too ticklish. We stop to hear
band In tn sthreet go to variety
shows, an laugh at jokes. 1t is dhread-
to think iv. Laughter shud be used
sparingly. People shud on'y be a
mused be seeryous things. am anus
in. So is the scenery. | have not
laughed since see Pixies Peak.
But why go on? Iddycation is q
failure. 1t hasn't suppressed sthrikes,
it hasn't prevlnted people firm losin
their tempers, it hasn't subjooed their
passions an worst iv all it hasn't
made thin sad It's failure. !
look forward to tn day when gin'ral
inddycaton iv tn masses wud give all
th' wurruld crouch; whin tn eye "
youth would be bedimmed be tear
an tn brow iv age cracked in seams be
Melancholy; whin laughter wud be
confined to dumb animiles, an man,
;1dvoatad man Nud walk about tn