Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-09-01

nut you can eat your own cake and
swipe the other fellow's.-Ohio State
Journal.
Inc Man (entering the store)-Have
you typewriter ribbons? The Fresh
Girl (behind the counter)-ls she blonde
or brunette?
Husband (reading the paper)-What
FOOLS some men will make OF them
seves. Wife-Now, Henry, dear, what
have you done this time?
Edith-You know that new horse
papa named after you? Well, he's
proved to be quite worthless. and papa
Is going to shoot hlm.-Puck.
mamma, l don't understand these
nre- flies" Mamma-What puzzles you.
dear? well. amt 1t funny that the
wind don't blow their lights outy"
Church, never cross bridge un-
til l come to it. Gotham-Well, il you
refer to the Brooklyn bridge, you have
good deal of trouble even then.
Lucky He Hadn't-"Miss Muggles
has had $4,000 left to her by an uncle
who had never seen her." well, that
explains t."-Philadelphia Bulletin.
The HOstess-There's one thing that
can be said for Mrs. Talkington-she
never retails scandal. The Caller
No? The Hostess-No; wholesale ex-
clusively!-Puck
The Landlubber-How mad that
lighthouse keeper must be-he has
lighted that lamp a dozen times since
l have been watching, and it has gone
out every time.-Life.
by the way" reminded the curious
inquirer, whats synonymous ex-
preston for talking shop"" WELL"
replied JOakley, there's 'tonsorial EN-.
porium,' and 'haircutting parlor.' ~
Philadelphia Press.
THAT Mr.. Squeezem had nothing but
praise for your sermon to-day" said
the minister's wife. after church. Eyes,
l noticed that when the plate was
passed around" said the pastor. sadly.
-Yonkers Statesman.
The Pug-I suppose since the bulldog
lost his teeth he doesn't bite any more :?
The POodle-Only Miss Maud's gentle.
men callers. The Pug-Why them? The
Poodle-They are such soft young men.
philadelphia Record.
Bowman-My recital was a splendid
success. The audience was fired with
enthusiasm. Bridge-Mercy! Weren't
you afraid OF a confiagration? There
was SO much paper in the house you
know.-Boston Transcript.
"Why is It," said the self conscious
young man who is to be married. that
all the world loves a lover?" per
haps." answered the coarse and cyni-
cal person, "it is because pity is akin
to love. "-Washington Star.
"How is it that you are SO gallant in
the street cars nowadays? Formerly
you never arose to give lady your
seat" "Yes; but now l am wearing
patent leather shoes, and if sit every
one walks on them. Toledo Bee.
Jack-Yes. l had little balance in
bank, but became engaged two
months ago, and now Ned-Ah!
love makes the world go round. Jack
Yes. but l didn't think it would go
round so fast as to cause me to lose
my balance.-Philadelph Press.
Butler Wecently engaged by newly
fiedged mllionaire)-At what hour
would you wish to dine, sir? Million
aire-At what hour do the best people
dine? Butler depressing a smile)-Oh.
they dine at different times, sir. Mil
lionaire-Good! Then also will dine
ut different times!
But" Kissed the heavy villain, Sup
pose our plot should leak out" His
miserable accomplice shivered at the
thought. But it can't" cried the low
comedian, emerging Mt that moment
from behind stage tree, because
from now on the plot thickens, you
ow."-Philadelphi Press.
Remarkably warm. isn't it?' said
the man who is always cropping for
something to say. NO" answered the
person who is ill-natured in warm
weather; this kind of weather has
occurred in every July I can remem-
Der. 1t isn't in the least remarkable.
1t is merely disagreed "-Washing-
ton Star
"Dearie," said Mrs. Loveydovey, II
see in the paper that a man out west
has had his stomach removed. l Won
der why?" II suppose" said Mr..
Loveydovey. that his wife persists in
irving to cook all the newfangled
things she reads about in the recipe
department of the Ladies' Home Week
ly."-Judge.
Waiter-Have piece OF pie, sir?
Pincher-No, thank you; l never eat
pie. 1t doesn't agree with me. Waiter
TO every person who has eaten one
order we give pie without extra
charge. Pincher-COme to think 1t
over, you may bring me three pieces Of
pie, two of berry and one of custard.-
Boston Transcript.
An old Irish woman came into the
little grocery store every evening for
weeks and always bought large box
of matches. Rarely did she buy any.