Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-06-28
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

@>1AN1S1NOOS 1 LIMO. I
s~-rSss N-~~~~~>o~~-----~~~~~-~->-~
Uitie-How old are YOU. Jimm !?
Iimmy-lm IL ar home. Ii ut school,
andTieven in the traip.-rit Bits.
gGike Say. Pat. phwat is wather
,hpan.el? Pat-Sure, he must be some
rlltiv ~ thin ocean grayhouHds we read
ahcnt. Harvard LampoOn.
Blonde Brdesmaid-Th ushers haven't
seated your aunt Maria with the family.
Other bridesmaid tsister TO tie BRIDE
No, she sent only q pickle fork Life.
Mother-I am surprised. Ethel, that
you should talk so impertineutly 10 papa.
I'm sure you never heard me talk that
way to him
Ethel-Wen. you cAooSed hin, and /
didn't-Detroit Free Press.
I'm fixed" said the young doctor;
I've got a big enough practice 10 keep
me in easy circumstances for life" but
suppose you should lose half your pa
tents" I'm just double my bills on
the Others "-Philadelphia Press.
A Cleansing Process-"How clean
and fresh the landscape looks today
said Mrs. Hilland 10 her husband. Il
read something in the paper about de-
tectives securing the country" explained
Mr.. Hilland.-Pittsbur Chronicle.
Counting Them-"Mr. Woodby Witte
says that there are only eight jokes in the
world Il should never have suspected
from his efforts to amuse," answered
Miss Cayenne languidly. that he had
found 50 many. Washington Star.
At the Menagerie-"What does the
4. / . y Il.
OF little Dorothy, expecting, Of course.
she would say kitty. Why replied
Dorothy, seriously. "he reminds me of
a barber pole. Ohio State journal.
The Chickens Heads.-Mrs. Young
wife-I want to get some salad. Dealer
-Yesm How many heads? Mrs.
always took the heads off. want Just
plain chicken salad.-Philadelphi Press.
Good One-Brother, don't you know
If you swear at those mules YOU wont
get to Paradise? Bad One-Ycs. paw
SON. but if | don't swear AT them | wont
get to the end of the row. and that's the
important thing at present.-Philadcl-
phia Record.
First Newsboy-Ill bet You tuppencc
to penny'orth o nuts that 'Skcpter
wins the Derby.
Second Newsboy-Done.
Third Ntwsboy-Ill hold the stakes.
First NewsboS--Yes, but who's a-going
to hold you?-Punch.
''And does your dolly close its eycst'
said the minister. visiting at tho house of
parishioner mo. sir replied the liz
tie thing: but I'm going to take her 20
church some day, and see il she viii;
papa says nearly everybody goes to sleep
there1'- NonRers Statesman.
Conductor Scored Conductor Let's
see. Did get your ticket? Smart Pas
senger--You took it mp Mt M0ntalvo and
punched --- out of it. CONDUCTOR beg
your pardon. sir; but / isn't customary
on local tickets to punch out the passcn-
gers destinaton.-Lo Angeles Herald.
Briggs Funny about Harry. He was
saving only few weeks ago he wouldn't
have Maude if there wasn't another
woman in the world, and now their cards
are out.
Griggs-That's all right. there is an
other woman in the world.-Boston
Transcript.
'Do as / tell YOU, Tommy's mamma
cried. Its anout time YOU realized the
futility Of struggling against the newt
HblR. 10 you kION N IA tNs}t I'l'sii''
''Ycs'm." replied Tommy, 1T means
there's no use q washing my hands an
face. 'cause they'll only get dirty again.
Philadelphia Press.
Full Of Goodness-"W What makes your
billy so meek aud mild these days. in
qnired the first nanny goat.
Hes got religion. ! guess SAID the
other.
You don't saw"
Yes. he ate a Bible the other day
Catholic Standard and Times.
I'm afraid it won't do at all saii
the magazine editor, as he tossed tie
story aside. Its q magnificent story,
but" The expectaBt author stood
trembling rs he hung on the words.
But it's at least three pages long. and
| fear it win distract attention from the
advertisements! baltimore News.
Mrs. Slangay Surely, john, you
haven't brought any one home TO dinner
Mr.. Slangay- Sure. have. Haven't
you got any grub for 'emt
Mrs. Slangay-Of course. not. You told
me you'd bring home couple Of Holsters
for dinner.
Nj Slangay-WcH. that's thcm in the
parior- Philadelphia Press.
MISS JORDAN PAID.
How Miss 0. of the Editorial Depart
rnent ReDIaced a Luncheon