davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
One o: Our yicesY

1t is peculiarly necessary that we In
America should understand the dan
ger of morbid self consciousness, for II
is one of our two most distinctive ma
tionai vices being euualcd only by our
irrevercnce. 1t is no accident that
more books are written about America
than concerning any other land. nor
does it mean that we are more interest
ing, except to ourselves, than the rest
of the world. 1t does mean that we are
SO self conscious, SO oNcrsensltive to
praise and blame above all, 80 anxious
to know what our neigllkors are saying
about us-that any traveller, however
inane and incapable, who spends few
weeks upon our soil may return home
and write his book about u.s. and we
buy 1t by the hundred thousand. We
are doing great things, thanks to our
opportunities and our forcfathers, but
how much greater might we do could
We use In quiet simple action the time
and energy we spend in pluming our
selves upon our nchicvementS.-Ed
ward Howard Griggs in Ladies' Home
Journal
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
The side De Morny Cared For.

The Due dc Morny, hnlf brother tc
Louis Napoleon. was ambassador eX.
trnordihaly to the emperor of Russia
during the coronation festivities and
wrote home that the French might
learn something from the Russians, if
1t We're only how to light 10000 Gun
dies in five minutes. DE Morny was in
Paris the night before the coup detat
and spent the evening at the opera.
Between the acts he went into one OF
the boxes to speak to II lady of his
acquaintance.
"M hat shall you do NJ. de Morny,"
asked II lady, ''if the national assembly
Is swept out Of doors as threatcncdY
"Madamc," he replied, 81 shall try to
be ON the side of the broom handle"-
Gentlemans Magazine.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
ss,,,p Retorta.

Lord Chief Justice Kenyon, whose
parsilnony was well known, lived In Il
large, gloomy house in Lincoln's Inn
Fields. OF this house Jckyll observed
that all the wear round it is Lent In
the kitchen and Passion week in the
parlcr." at this some one said that
though the fire was dull in the liitchcn
CRATE the spits were bright "lt Is quite
irrelevant" said Jckyll, ito talk about
spits, for nothing turns on Them" ON
the same lord buyin:, u secondhand
suit of clothes asd llnding pocket
handkerchief left In II pocket ,Jekyll
declared it was the very first he ever
had.
To u Welsh Judge notorious for his
great greed OF oitceiand his want OF
personal cleanliness, complaining tn
Jckyll as to his being neglected, the
latter said In his mostlamiable tones:
"Nly dear sir, YOU have asked the min
lister for almost everything. Why don't
you ask llim for piece of soap and Il
nnilbrushy" Gcnthlnan's Magazine.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
The or,r,rol snbouctte.

The name silhouette was derived
from Etienne de Silhouette, French
minister of finance in 1853, who intro
duced several parsimonious fashions
during his administration called a l;r
Silhouette, Il name which continued to-
be applied to the black profile portraits;
slhoucttcs We're executed in various
ways.
One of the simplest is that Of tracing
the outlines Of shadows profile
thrown on q sheet of paper and them
reducing them to the required size ci-
thcr by the eye or by means of pan-
tograph. The camera obscura and cam
crn lucida are also occasionally used
for the purpose. :
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
just LLlsc n woman.

The coffee was weak, the toast burnt
to cindcr and the ham as hard as
leather, or at least he said So. His
wifc's long patience gave way.
"John Henry" said she. 1--WE tried
faithfully to cook for you for twelve
long years. No ono In the town has
better cooked food, vet You are always
finding fault. Why can't YOU praise
me once in awhile? I'd like to know
that"
He looked up IN astonishmcnt
"Wcll, if YOU uin't the most unrca-
sonahlc woman ever saw" he ejacu-
lated. why, many and many is the
time I've sat down to meal and never
said II word about 1T. Anybody would
know there wasn't any fault to lie
found OF I'd "a found it, and yet You
want better compliment than that.
That's just like a woinan-she can't
tell ~ compliment When she gets one!"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05

II Is not nee. s.;;liy IN 90 TO india ia
hear curious stories of caste. In Il pro
fcssiolal mans household recently a
maidscrvant fell i'll ot dipltlicria. IIer
mistress nurscd her herself through a
tedious illness, until she WAS quite we'll.
When that happy result w:ls establish.
cd, the maid Immediately informed tho
mistress that she intended to leave her
service. The reason OF the maids de
parturc WAS tilis-"l could not live with
n mistress; who las been waiting o1!
me herself" Quite evidently this is not
mere Indifference to Kindness or in.
gratitude. The girl was the slave OF
that mysterious influence OF caste
which splits up into minute sections
every modern society, as it split up cv'
cry ancient society, and seems likely to
split up amy future society that it Is
possible 10 Imagine London Saturday
Rnvitw
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Tac Hearts nnd the Spade.

Once upon time a man who was
plnying Il friendly game of draw poker
found four hearts and club in his
hand. After n little thought he dis
carded the club and drew spade.
II will call this hand Of hearts," he
said to himself. "and bet OH my flush" :"
Then he looked very wise and laid
down So Of his hard earned money.
Another player saw the 81 instantly,
called in a loud voice, and the money
ut once changed owners.
Moral.-A wise man calls spade a
spade.-New York Herald.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
The mooa Hept ON sain,ns.

4 certain well known judge was once
violently attacked by Il young and very
l,Gpudcnt counsel. 10 the surprise of
everybody, the judge heard him quite
through, unconscious of what was said
by those present, and made no reply.
After the adjournment for the day
and when all were assembled ut the
hotel where the judge and many of the
court folk had their refreshments. one
of the company asked the judge why
he did not rebuke the impertincnt fel
low
Permit me-" said the judge loud
enough to attract the attention of the
whole company. among whom was the
barrister in question "permit me to
tell you Il little story. My father, when
we lived in the country, had ii dog, n
mere puppy, may say. Well, this
puppy would go out every moonlight
night and bark ut the moon for hours
together"
The judge paused. ns If he had fin.
ishcd.
"Well. what of lt?" exclaimed half Il
dozen of the audience Mt once.
"Ol. nothing nothing, but the moon
Kept shining en-. just us If nothing had
happened"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Euunl to the Occasion

A man was once given q large Cog ia
take care of by a friend who was go
ing abroad, but the dog annoyed him
by always sitting in his best arm
chair.
One day II splendid idea struck him
Tie came Into the room and found tho
dog In his usual scat, so he walked VI
to the window and called:
"Cats. Cats"
Up Jumped the dog and rushed t.
the window, while the man went and
sat in his chair.
A few days later the dog walked into
the room while his master was sitting
In his nrmchnir Going up to the win
dow, he bnrked loudly
The man got up to see what was the
matter, and the dog rushed and Sc
cured the chair
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Ruiing serynnts, 10so.

Nan Newton, for breaking II Tea -po,
in phill's Chamber, 2s. Cd
Richard Knight. for Pride and Slight
ing. IS. Cd.
VIM. lIctherington, for not being
ready TO 30 to Church three Sundays
los.
Tho. Bridal, for being at Nuncaton
from morning to night 5s.
Cook, dead drunk. los.
Anne Adams. to be washmaid u,
Lady Day. She went away the Doth
of June for being wanton and careless
She lost five pairs of sheets and five
pillowbccrs, for which my wife made
her pny IL. -"Diary of Sir Richard
NcWligate'
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
A Boston Translation,

Little Emerson Mamma, find no
marginal note In clucidation of this OK
preston, which observe frequently to
occur in my volume of Fairy Tale
Classics, With Dated breath" What
is the proper Interpretation OF the
phrase?
Mamma with bnted brcath," my
son. commonly occurs In fairy tales.
Your father often returns from pisca-
toIlal excursions with batcd breath.
The phrase in such instances, however.
has no significance ny applying to the
bait employed to allure the fish. but is
merely an elastic term of dubious
meaning and suspicious origin, utilized.
as have already intimuted. simply be.
cause Of the sanction which it has gain
ed by customary usage In fairy tales
generally. DO you comprehend, Emcr-
SOM
Little Emcrson-Pcrfectly mamma =
Judge
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
His AnDenl.

Little Gcorgie was taken by his aune
to see the newcomer, aged one day.
He was duly and profoundly impress-
ed with the specimen and asked where
the little brother came from. God sent
it" answered the aunt reverently.
The answer made n deep impression
on little George for that afternoon he
was seen out in the backyard gazing
up into the deep blue Sky and spread
ing his diminutive apron expectantly
MS he said. 'Dear God, please throw
me one down too."-Troy Times.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
The Betel Sut.

Bctcl nuts, the produce of the nrcca
palm. are chiefly used as masticdtory
by the natives Of the cast. They are
too small to be applied to many orna-
mental uses, but are occasionally cm-
pioyed by the turner and wrought into
beads for bracelets, small rosary eases
and other little fancy articles. In the
Museum of Economic Botany at Kew
there is n walking stick made of these
nuts. sliced mounted or supported on
an iron center
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Army shoes ana Corns.

IF law could be passed" said n
chiropodist, prohibiting the wearing
of any shoe in this country except the
pattern army shoe worn during our
civil war, the corn Doctors occupation
would be gone. That war was for the
time the greatest corn cradicator ever
known. never knew Il single case of
soldier in that war who suffered
from corns n month after he began
wearing his regulation army shoe, and
was four years Il soldier in 1t myself.
That shoe seemed to be made just
right for comfort"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05

An old member of Plymouth church
who knew llcnry Ward Beechcr and
his family tells n story about the
great preacher ".sNo one ever knew
what he did with the vast sums Of
money hc carncd as a lecturer" he
said. He 0scd 10 give money away
With both hands aud he WAS rs likely
to give street l'cgsar Il Twenty dollal
bill as ~ dollar; but his salary lroni
Plymouth church Went direct to Mrs
Deocbcr intact. lie never drew amy
money from the church until the end
of tia year. Then lie received a check
for 100000, his full years salary, and
handed 1t TO his wife. When he died.
he did not leave much of ~; estate, al
tlou:..A he had earned millions of dol
lars in his life, but Mrs. Rccchcr had
always received her so, 600 IL year, and
she lived In comfort and even luxury
In Brooklyn till she died. Tic was y
great man was Henry Ward Eeccher.' =
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
The stormy Petrol.

A bird of immense wing power is tho
tiny stormy petrol, the smallest web
footed bird known. 1t belongs to cv-
cry sea, and, although so seeming frail,
1t breasts the utmost fury of the storm,
slSimming With incredible velocity the
trough of the waves and gliding rap
idly over their snowy crests. Petre!s
have been observed 1000 miles from
nearest land
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
How the pcnci. Was ,sroduccd

That the luscious peach has been de
lived from the hard shcllcd almond can
no longer be successfully denied. 1t is
said that the peach in its original soil
was vlrulcnt poison and that the Per-
sian warriors brought to Persia some
Of the seeds and planted them for the
purpose of poisoning the points of their.
arrows so as to render wounds caused
by them to be fatal, but n change of
climate and soil produced fruit
which is not only luscious, but Is ca
tcemed exceedingly hcalthful.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
PAST HIS FIRST YOUTH.
A Tow, That Wa. Hardly to Blame


For Proving Tough.
The swan is said to be excellent eat
Ing when young. but MS it is one OF the
longest lived of all creatures it is we'll
to learn if possible how old your bird
ls before you cook it.
n gentleman in Lincolnshire, Eng
land, sent Il dead swan to the Athenn-
um club, addressed to the secretary. Al
special dinner was to occur that week.,
and the committee without question
turned the bird over to the cook.
At the dinner the swan, resting on q
great silver dish, was delight to the
eye, but when it came to carving and
eating the bird no knife seemed sharp
enough to cut it, and of course eating
II WAS out of the question.
A fcw days later the donor met the
secretary and said, 81 hope you got my
swan all right"
''That WAS Il nice joke you played on
us" returned the secretary.
"Iokc? What do you mcanY'
"Why, we had the thing boiled for
thirteen hours. and even then we
might as we'll have tried to cut through
the rock of Gibraltar"
"You don't mean to say you had the
swan cooked"
why, of course"
"Man alive! sent it to be stuffed
and preserved as a curiosity in. the
club. That swan has been in my fami-
ly for $50 years. 1t was one of the
Identical birds fed by the children Of
Charles l. You've seen the picture of
it. My ancestor held the post of mas
ter OF the swans and keeper of the
kings cygncts.' Well. l have no doubt
it was a bit tough"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Lemon E.trnct.

y lemon extract that one is, sure is
pure can be easily made ut home. Crate
off enough! of the outside peel of lem
ona 10 fill II small bottle, taking care
that honc vi the white part of the rind
gets in, as this will give II bitter taste.
When the bottle is full, cover With pure
alcohol and set away for three weeks.
AT the end of that time tho contents
Of the bottle should be strained, and
the extract is ready for use. An even
.tcnspooniul of this preparation will
flavor II quart of c,stard or other sim
llar dish.-Npw York Post.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Feline DeDrnyitv.

"Oh, Horace" walled his young wife,
II have just found out that Ajax, our
beautiful Angoru cat, has been leading
double lifcw
"Ihat makes eighteen. 1 suppose"
said Horace. "What has he been do
lngY
You know let him out every morn
Ing because he seems to want to "a
and play out Of doors. Well, 1 have
discovered TINT he goes over to the
Robinsons and let's them feed him and
pct him."-Chicago Tribune.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
That Apple.

A correspondent sends us n little
story of his infant son. His mother
was telling Tommy about the apple
and the garden Of Eden. when the
child, who resided in the country and
had n lively recollection of windfalls.
remarked, "But, mummy, 1t would not
have mattered SO much, would it, IL
she had picked one off the groundY-
London Life
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
A Monster vessel OF o,dcn Times.

Ptolcma,us Phlopater, one of the am
cient kings of Egypt, is said to have
built vessel 42o feet long, sc feet
broad. - feet high from the keel to the
top OF the prov and so feet to the
top of the poop. She had four helms of
GO feet, her largest oars were So feet
long, with leaden handles so as to be
more easily worked. She had two
prows, two storms and seven rostra on
bcalis. On both poop and PROV She
had figures of mon and animals that
were fully Is feet high. She had 1000
rowers, 400 cnDin boys or servants.
2,s2O marines TO do duty on deck, be
sides being provided with immense
stores of arms and provisions.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05

The singular fact has been demon.
stratcd that while the most rapid We
locity of cannon balls scarcely ever
attalns speed Of GOO meters second :
nbout 500 miles per hour metcorltcs
are known to permcate the air with n
velocity of 10000 or even GO,OOO meters
per second. This unthinkable speed
instantly raises the temperature of the
air to 1000 or G00O degrees ccntigradc
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
A Month without a Fun Moon,

The month Of February, 1903, was
the most remarkable month in the
worlds history January had two full
moons, and SO had March. but Febru-
ary had none. This had not occurred
since the creation Of the world. and,
according to some astronomers, the
same thing may not occur again for q
period Of 2.5oO.OOO.OO0 years.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Precious Iiuir.

When the crusaders returned from
the Holy Land In 1899. they We're load
ed with relies of holy pcrsonagcs who
had previously been unknown in the
west Bolicmond, one Of their leaders,
divided between .Ansclm and certain
churches Il dozen hairs which the pa
trjarcll of Antioch had given him With
the assurance that the BLESSED Virgin
pluckcd them from her head as she
stood-AI Mater Dolorosa-by the cross.--
All the Year Round
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Quite n Difference.

The department. store is useful and
convenient, but the multifarious ma
turc of Its activities sometimes leads
to dilemma.
"Where shall find something nice In
oil for the dining soomY asked Il stout,
smiling woman Of the floorwalkcr in n
western department store.
"On the third began the floor
walker. Then he paused and looked
doubtfully at the inquirer. "Did you
mean painting or something in the
saydinc line?" lie asked.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
The p,nk Of Politene...

Colonel David Crockett reported aft
er visit to the White House that Cen
sral Jackson. who was then president
was the most polite man he ever met.
When the president handed out the
bottle for guest, Colonel Crockett
said, he turned his back upon it and
left his friend free to measure out his
drink according to his own discretion.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
I,l.cir I,:l,lr.

A story is told in which the late Lord
Iddcslcigh figured when as Mr.. Staf-
ford Nor;hcotc he was appointed q
magistrate Ter Devon. NJ I'd" castle OF
Exeter, where he attended 10 he sworn.
ne was handed n book tied round with
what had once been red tape. Not lik-
Ing the appearance OF it. Mr.. Nolthcoto
took out his lnifc ana cut the tape and
on opening the book discovered that Il
was II ready rcckoner. ON which uigis,
tlates had been sworn for about thirty
ycurs.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
The Humna Of cameI.,

The humps of camels are mere Jumps
OF fat and not provided for in the
framework of the skeleton. When the
animal is In good condition. the humps
are full and plump. On a long journey
where food is scarce the humps are en-
tirely absorbed, the skin covering them
hanging over the flank like IN empty
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
A Zoo Discussion.

"You know" said the ornng ontang,
"that man is descended from mon
key"
Yes" answered the chinpanzce.
"and his descent has been very great
But let us set it down to his credit that
ne tries to rise again. Every now and
then you hear of some man who is do
ing his best to make a monkey Of him
Star.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
No Uprising There.

Elderly Gent (clinglng to strap
There arc n good many conditions af-
fecting our governmental system to-
day that are very oppressive, md their
continuance may some day lead to a
popular uprising.
Lady (also on the standing commit
tce) - Perhaps, but with whitening
glances at male occupants Of the seats,
you would never look for IT. to begin in
street car!-Richmond Dispatch.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Silently As.ented.

The Nervous Pedestrian ran plump
into Stolid Individual standing in
front Of Clothing Store.
"You Dummy" ne shouted.
The Stolid Individual ignored the Ac
c,lsation. A Second Glance showed
the Nervous Pedestrian that hs was
Right.-Los Angeles Herald.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
The Building of IL Life.

Life is a building. 1t rises slowly da,
by day through the years. Every new
lesson VIC learn lays IL block on tie ed!
flee Which is rising silently within us
Every influence that imprcsscs W.. cv
cry book we read, every conversation
We have. every act of our comm nss-
days adds something to the fnv!si.i!.
bnildiIg.-J. II. Miller
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Hardening steel.

Small steel articles that are too soft
may be hardened with sealing wax.
The method is to have ready n largo
stick of scaling wax and then afrc.
heating the article 10 cherry red
thrust it into the wax for minute.
Withdrawing it and sticking it in again.
repeating the operation until the steel
Is cold and will not enter the wax. 4
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Quick work.

'That editor is terribly slow at read-
ing manuscript"
'"Think so? Why. know the time
he went through twelve stories in less
than minute
"Gracious! When was tbat?"
"When the elevator brokc."-Phila-
dclphia Press.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
How to Make Clue,

To produce liquid glue which will
keep for years break pieces of glue
and place In bottle with some wills
ky. Cork tightly and set aside for a
few days. This should be ready for
use without the application Of heat cx-
cept In very cold weather, when the
bottle should be placed in hot water
for few minutes before using the
ullra
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
A Paradox.

II would rather be right than be
president" said the statesman.
"Wcll," said the friend, its little
paradoxical, but suppose it's proper.
You say In substance that for the sake
of being right you are willing to be
left. ."-Washington Star.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Great Industrial Discovcrie..

1t is not the boy who is surrounded
by the best implements and tools that
ingenuity can manufacture, but an Eli
Whitney making cotton gin in u eel
lar In the south with the simplest tools
or Cunard whiting the model of n
ship with jackknife that makes great
Industrial discoveries. Success.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
A DANGEROUS Casc.

One OF the managers Of hospital
asked IN Irish nurse which he consid-
cred the most dangerous of the many
cases then In the hospital.
"Tllat, sur" said Patrick as he point
ed to u case of surgical Instruments
lying on the table.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Not I,u. Ont

was not successful in the attempt
to eject the cook from my house.
But what nettlcd me was the unruf-
fed dcmcanor of the woman.
You might at least have the good
breeding to act put OUT" I cried and
left the Kitchen, slamming the door be-
hind me.-puck.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-06-05
Her ExnInnatinn.

"Do you mean to say such physical
wreck as he is gave you that black
eyer asked the magistrate.
"Surc, your honor. he wasn't phys
ical wreck till after he gave me the
black eye" replied the complaining
wife.-Exchangc.