The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-19
was young and devilish. The old time

was young and devilish. The old time
justice court was a good school for a
young lawyer. He not only practiced
law in il, but the arts of oratory, and
could use big words with impunity, for
neither the old squire nor the jury
knew their meaning, but were i'm
pressed with their learned length and
lingering sound. L still remember the
Fretman case that Mark rehearsed that
night. A Yankee school teacher from
the Nutmeg State had sued Jim Jen-
klns for $1S worth of schooling for his
two boys, Troup aud Calhoun. Jenkins
wouldn't pay it because the two little
nullitiers hadn't learno' anything
hardly and they told him -. Fretman
gave powerful long recesses and carried
on with the big girls amazing, especial
ly with Sally Amanda Jones. Fret
man was a good-looking Yankee, with
pink cheeks and winning ways, and
was popular with the girl scholars.
Sometimes Salamander, as they called
her, dident 60 out at recess, out pre-
tended she had some sums to do, and
wanted the teacher to show her how,
'rroup said he heard her squeal one day,
and peeped through the crack and saw
Fretman squeezing of her. She was a
red-headed gal.
Old Phil Davis was the justice court.
Marks plea was that Fretman wasent
a scholar, and not fittin to teach, and
that he couldent read writin nor write
readin nor spell all the words in Daniel
Webster's blue.back spelling book, and
he made a motion to put HIM On the
stand and spell hun. Fretman's lawyer
fought it, but the old squire said he
must spell. Fretman was scared. He
trembled all over like a cold, wet dog.
"Spell Phthisic," said Mark, and he
spelt il correctly. He then spelt him
right along on al. sorts of big words
and little words and long words, and
Afterwards, but Fretman never missed
until finally Mark says, "Now spell
Ompompynusuk." Fretman drew a
long breath and said it wasent in the
book. But Mark proved by an old
preacher that it was in his book, and
so old Phil spoke up and said: "Mr.
Fretmar you must spell 1t SIR" lie
was tLen sweatin like a rundown filly.
He took one pass at it and missed.
"9ou can come down, SIR" said Mark
"you've lost your case" And sure
enough old Phil gave a Judgment
against him and he had the cost to pay.
But he was good grit, for he stuck 10
his school and his Salamander.
AT the next court Mark moved to
non-suit a doctor who hal sued a Teller,
and he filed a plea Of malpractice and
demanded a profert of his diploma.
The doctor said he had one at home,
and begged for time to go after it. Old
Phil gave him time, and he rode six
miles and back as hard as he could
lick 1T, and shook 1t in Marks face
tri%umphantly. Mark smiled and said:
"Now, doctor, please take the stand
and translate this Turin language into
English, so that his honor may know
whether it is q diploma or not. 1t
looks to me like an old Revolutionary
grant of laud." OF course the doctor
couldent translate it, and he lost his
case in a jiffy.
l don't believe we have as good an
ecdotes now as we use to have. l don't
know anybody who has taken the place
of Howell Cobb and Charles j.. Nc
Donald and Clucinnatus Peoples and
Hope Hull and the others l have al
ready named. l am writing about them
now because L am sick and it cheers
me TO think of them. If it were not
for the bright little grandchildren who
come to see me l should 60 to bed and
give up the ship.
For two weeks / have had the grip
and am a Misunderstanding and
coughing and sneezing and Wheeling,
my head a fountain and mine ewes
rivers of tears and nobody cares very
much, but they dose me with quinine
and bromine and calomel, and, at last.
prescribed castor oil and turpentine. /
rebelled, but they brought me some
thing in a cup that they said was the
white of an egg and sherry wine, and
80 L gulped 1T down and found it was
castor oil. My head aches, L want a
dozen holes bored in it and a dozen
.corkscrews to pull the stuff out. Sick
as L am, my wife laughs at me and
says If L expect to rate as a gentleman
L had better be more careful how L ex-i
pectorate, and she made me an old
fashioned honey stew anu Pm trying
that now. Its. the weather-the horrld
old weather that has Topped over ON
us from Yankee land.
every old veteran who has the grIp
in bad weather ought to have some
body TO tell him stories or some chill |
dren to play around and cheer him up
with their merriment. The old Persian
monarch, Harun al Raschid, was kent
alive by listening to the beautiful sto.
ries in the Arabian Nights. Certain il
is 1 don't banker after serious or
mournful company. Ive coughed
until 1 am almost a coffin. Pm hike
that bad boy who got to saying damn
1T and his father whipped HIM for it.
and so one day he asked his father if
there was any harm in saying Golfer.
mo, of course not" said the old
man. Why do you ask9"
"Because," said he, "the old COW
has swallowed a cob and is about to
cofferdam head off,
My daughter regales me with anec-
Totes and my wife feeds me on anti
Totes, and SO / am worrying along.
waiting for the spring. If l can live
! month longer l will get well.
BILL ARP.