Atlanta semi-weekly journal. (Atlanta, Ga.) 1898-1920, 1902-11-27
Mr.. DOOIey
ON
Football.
BY F. p. DUNNE.

GdAu LOQAGgs AAAC nus AACN
Harvard wanst again on that
there historic field where. thin
elaborated simineries iv larnin' has so
often pasted each other, an tn
sthrain is at an end. Firm now on
they'll be room fr tn ordiniry cases
iv assault with-intint-to-kin in tn pa
apers.
It's become great fnsuchoo-
chion, this here game Nv futball. Whin
I was young man a colledge was
place where tn boy iv tn family was
sint that had tn worst eyes. On'y tn
frail, fair-haired la-ad with a hectic
flush on his cheeks liver got a chanst
at rale larnin'. 'Alphonso,' says his
parent, lis poorly. He niver will do
much at tn active pursoots Nv life.
He's not sturdy enough to lay brick,
an II he left his glasses at home,
amy wan cud steal MS money. Lave
us sind him to colledge an have him
tucked full iv Greek an thrigonom-
ethry, an whin he comes out, maybe
he can add a little to what we give him
be writin' pothry.' In thin days tn
prisidint Nv, tn colleges, whin they
wanted to blow about what they give
fr tn. money they got, announced that
they cud take a boy fresh firm his
mothers arms an pipe him so full
iv Homer that hardly amy wan cud
understand half what he said without
tn aid Nv a ditchnry. But nowadays
Near-sighted Willies an Hectic Halls
stays at home an tn la-ad picked out
fr tn higher life is Bill. Nature In
tinded Bill fr tn higher life. At siv-
inteen he weighs one hundred and tin
bounds. He has a head like a walnut
on top Nv bag Nv -four, an whin he
needs exercise he goes out an pushes
a sthreet car of tn thrack. He con-
varges so much to'rd tn top that they
wasn't room to put in a complete set Nv
think devices. but what he has is well
proticted be a roof iv chilled steel COW
cred with vulcanized rubber. TIL
small but injanyous masheen conceal
ed in this cupoly is called be Bill his
brain, an is used entirely to control
tn action iv his legs an arms. Whin
called upon FIR other purposes it be-
gins to ache.
ain other days Only death wud have
kept Bill firm bein' a butcher. AS 1t
is tn family don't hardly know what
to do with him. He's too sthrong to be
licked an too big to be coaxed an
they are SERIOUSLY thinlxin' iv renttn'
him out f'r a sign board, whin wan
day a letther Games firm the prisi-
dint Nv a colledge: Dear Sir an Mad
am: I understand that We have in
ye'er family a large piece Nv raw beef
that wud make a good cinter rush.
strongly advise We to sind him to our
far-famed university. Tn cplledge man
is becomin' more an more a facthor nv
American life. Five iv our grajates is
superintendints Nv paclxin houses,
eight is prize fighters. thirty-two is
professional sthrong men an wan
thousan' eighty-four has dedicated
their lives to teachin' tn young idee
how to MAIN. In other wurruds, they
ARE professional fut-ball coaches. TIL
entrance examinations is suited to
tn needs iv tn day, but is REASONABLY
sthrict on weight an measurement.
TIL coorse Is what is called ilictive. A
student can choose between fut-ball,
baseball, rowin' an boxin. We offer
this year. an unusually good coorse in
mayhem undher tn charge Nv tn Gil
lybrsted professor Billy tn Bite. TIL
UNDERGRADUATES ar-re constantly UNI
dher tn watchful eyes Nv tn mos re-
nowned experts in tn full-nelson, tn
hammer lock, tn strangle holt.
gougin', an bitin' with tn head. We
attimpt as far as possible to give thin
mild ricreatfons ra-alizin that all
wurruk an no play makes Jack a slob,
an In. purSooance Nv this thought, we
have an avenin coorse Nv arson in
which tn colledge buildin's an ad-
nnin private property is used. Far be
1t firm me to suggest anything that
wud be again tn rules Nv amachoor
sport to which our colledge is did
dycated. but If We cud. crate Bill up
an ship him to US. will tell we that
/ have JUS fired tn profession Nv 18th
- al he
may see his salary. lynn on tn dure
STEP
'An' so Bill rolls of to colledge an
afther awhile rayports come home
fri him. TIL Cinter Rush Nv tn
Hoopstown Varsity is Beefy Bill
Lonergan. TIL coaches is all wild
about his wurruk. Both "Bill" Cas-
sidy an "Assassi4." jerks who were
in tn murdherous lightweight team
say he is far betther thin Chaw
Gumbin Nv that year. This is high
praise but Bill deserves it. He It not
as good with tn teeth as that great
scholar an he needs tn practice he
is gettin' firm "Purrer" Sampson,
ninety-three, in tn knee-cap kick, but
in tn ear-hold. tn sudden gouge, tn
thrip. tn butt-in-th' stomach. tn
thump-in-th--mouth an tn abdominal
heel. he is perhaps without an akel.
Yisterdah durin' tn first half he
broke tn forearm Nv Hannigan, tn
cinter rush Nv tn scrub iliven.'
Think Nv tn mother at home read
in these glad tidings while tears Nv
Joy I'll her eyes. She goes to her room
an offers up, p'raps, a little prayer FIR
her hayward boy that tn mex time
he meets Hannigan twill be a COM
pound fracture.
DAY be day tn news Nv Bill an his
team takes up more room. TIL fac'l-
ty Nv Hoopstown has stint Pinkerton
ditictoves to spy on tn secret prac-
tice iv tn sister varsity. TIL half
back Nv Hoopstown is SUSPECTED to be
in tn employ iv Bonneville Hoops
town university has employed a we'll
known lagal firm to procure a writ iv
injunction again Bonneville to pre-
vint Bluff Stiggins tn renowned Gin
ter rush firm playin.' With tn aid Nv
tn polls, tn Hoopstown authorities
have discovered that Stiggins was paid
four thousan' dollars to lave his job
as longshoreman an enther tn univar-
sity.' 'Prisidint Leksicons Nv Hoops
town an Professor McGoo. doctor iv
systematic thayology at Bonneville
nearly come to blows Yesterday over tn
approachin' fut-ball game. TIL pro-
fissor havin' made some invidyous re-
mark abut Stiggins, tn prisidint, ray
torted that Hump Dorsey, tn full
back iy tn Hoopstown iliven,
was IS years old, had a wife an child
in Seedalya, was a professional prize
fighter an had done time in Kansas.
He offered to bet 80 to g that Dorsey
cudden't read or write, "Nayether can
YOU" says tn prisidint, referrin' to
tn fact that tn pro-fss was a pian-