The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1902-08-03
y - - BY George Ade.
Modern Fables
Fable Of Sorrowful Fill and the Sour Grapes
and Sympathetic Sep.


In a Rcd school-House back fl the
web-Foot District. 1t was the Custom
10 have G Debate every. Friday After
noon. The nauch-nooted Question as to
which Goes the greater Damage, Fire or
Water. had been carefully gone over by
the SQUADS Also who was the heftier
Proposition, Napoleon or Washington?
But the original Standby was as fol-
lows: Resolved, that Education Is better
than Wealth."
The Corporate Interests got many a
Whack here IN the knowledge Works
Most Of the Children wanted to grow up
ane be like Calico. They claimed that
mere Wealth could not purchase Happi-
ness. The only genuine Pea ce of Mind
came from being able to call of the Geo
logical Periods with the Eyes closed.
Here in this little Brain Hatchery were
two Kids who were not Mates. One was
named Otis and the other was Bradbury.
or Brad for Short Otis was the BOY
who took the Affirmative side on Friday
Afternoon. Ote firmly believed that
Learning was the most valuable Asset
that Man could tuck away. Brad was
tor the Money End of the Game, put
when he Sot up to- make his lax MS
Vocabulary would become damned up
and caught crosEways in the tiue ana
teacher would motion him back 70 ms
Seat. Otis. however, could tell In we'll
chosen Phrases why the Scholar was a
better and happier Man than Inc MIL
lionatre and go he always received the
Vote Ct the Judges
Noav, Brad was done up put uncoh-
y,oceu He could not stand up before
thu District School and tell why 1T was
bad policy to corral the Coin but he had
a score. Hunch that 1t would be no dis
grace for him to go out and do the best
he could. Brad had a Bulldog Jaw and
large oloo6-shot Hands and Neck-Band
somewhat larger thon his 1at-Bano.
He Jumped the Stockade when they
started TO teach him Botany. He weighed
$50 and he thought he was too large
10 sit around and count the Petals Oh
the ox-Eye Daisy when he might be out
selling Lightning Rods to the faps and
making iuE-handed Contracts. Accord
ingly he Dug.
Bradford is making great Mistake
said Otis, as he saw his Friend tear
from the Institution of Learning. In
order to get few worldly Chattels
right at the jump he sacrifices his Diplo-
ma. ! shall be moro Foxy. l shall go
right on through the High School and
then ] shall attend College and get
Degree then Will be the human IT. My
scholarly Attachments and polished Man
ner will get me past the door and into
the Inner Circle Of the High Potatoes.
AS for Bradford. although it is possible
that he shall have combed up g. little
Currency he will be a mere ordinary,
sordid Business Man--not one~two-seven
when he tries to stack up against one
who has just been delivered Of a The
sis on the Correlated Phenomena of I'm
conscious Cerebrauon."
While Brad was out in the back Town
ships shortchanginG the Farmers and
buying per cent. Mortgag es, Otis was
working his way through College and
living on Oatmeal except on Holidays
and then Prunes. He was getting round
shouldered and wore Specs and was all
gaunted UP but he never weakened. He
was pulling for the Laurel Wreath of
Scholarship, or in other words. the De-
gree. After humping it for a years he
passed his final Exam and the Facul-
ty decided that he was q Bachelor of
Arts.
That was the Day when he had the
Laugh on Brad.
In the meantime, Bradford had been
choking various People and taking il
away from them. He had four Sales
men under him and had butted into the
Firm but he was still shy on Botany.
Inasmuch as Otis had been one of the
brightest Men in his Class he was Of
fered a position as Instructor in the Col
lege at Salary Of $50 a. Month with a
promise Of So raise at the end Of five
Years. If he lived. Otis accepted. because
the Outside World did not seem to be
clamoring for his services, even though
he was an Authority on the MeZozoic
Period and knew all the Diatomes by
their First Names.
Often while he was burning the Mid
night Oil and grinding out Jaw-Breakers
go as to qualify fer the Masters Degree
fr!1 - &c yl,of
Brad is making it Hand over Fist and
wears SIS Shirts and rides in State
Room on the Pullman. but he is not a
Bachelor of Arts. And some day when
ne is a Multi-Millionaire can still look
down on him for then I shall be Mas
ter OF Arts. I have known since Child
hood that Education Is more desirable
than paltry Gold. Although the News
papers and the General Public DO not
see,n to be with me to any Extent. il is
better to hob-nob with the B!nomal
.neorem than to daily with the Cham
payne supper.
In due time the Faculty gave the De-
gree Of MA to what was left of Otis
and still his Ambition was not satisfied.
He wanted to land a Doctors Degree. He
knew that any one who aspired to this
Eminent Honor had to- be Pippin. But
hs hoped that he could make some Con-
tribution to the World of Thought that
would lar the whole Educational System
and help HIM to climb to the topmost
Pinnacle OF Human Greatness.
Professor Obs did the Dig Act year
after year. At the age OF 40 he was
et!ll MA. and owned House with
Mortgage on it. In the Meantime mere
had been revolutionary Changes IN inc
World Of Finance. Everything on Earth
had been put into Pool, Each Smooth
CITIZEN who had something that was OF
no particular use to him went to work