The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-09-05
JOBSON's BAD LUCK.

figuring on their time for departure on the
summer leave, Mr.. Jobson noticed that Mrs.
Jobson was making careful efforts to have
the day fall neither on Friday nor Saturday
This gave him an opening.
By the way he observed, in a tone
that Mrs. Jobson knew foreboded an ar
gument, Il perceive your usual desire to
thwart me in every possible way in this
conversation 1t will best suit me to start
off for the beach on either Friday or Sat
urday-for little reason of my own, which
don't feel it necessary to express just now
But you are standing in the way of either
one of those days with all the. secret per-
versity of which you are capable. You"
well" owned Mrs. Jobson, with fin
ger on her lip, II must say that don't like
either Friday or Saturday as days upon
which to start on journeys. Friday, you
know, is proverbially unlucky day, and
Saturday is another one, although that's not
SO we'll known. The old saying, you know,
i, Saturday fit, short Sit" which means
that when one starts on Saturday one will
have such bad luck that one won't stay very
long, and"
Madam" put in Mr.. Jobson, sepulchral-
", IF l find it occasionally necessary to
employ the language of the street, your con-
duct is my justification. You just naturally
make me tired. You have got more idiotic,
more imbecile, more paretic superstitions
slowed away in your frame than any hun
dred and fourteen women | ever saw in my
life
Oh" Mrs. Jobson started to say, "but
they're not such
ooh, but yes they are" interrupted Mr..
Jobson. you bet they are. They re on tap
every minute of the day and night, and you
know it. Here it was only yesterday, when
started to go out from your bedroom up
stairs and l momentarily placed my UNI
brella on the bed to arrange my necktie that
you screamed like woman of the Straits
Settlements, and grabbed the umbrella as
it it was in danger OF setting the bed cloth
ing ahre, and after about three-quarters of
an hour, when you had cooled down, you
told me- that to place an umbrella on bed
was the worst luck in the world, and that
one might just as well settle up his affairs
and make his will as to do such a terrible
thing, and"
"Oh," said Mrs. Jobson, ~ didn't make
it quite so strong as that, did ~
Stronger" insisted Mr.. Jobson. "And
every time we start out to make a call, or to
go to the theater or any place else, you for
get your gloves, OF your calling cards, or
something, and have to return for EN-,
you stubbornly plump yourself into chair
and sit there for about three hours, on the
theory, as you express it, that it's bad luck
to come back"
'sWhy," said Mrs Jobson, 81 only sit
down on chair on such occasions and count
Is, and"
'sThree hours, said!" broke in Mr.. job
son, land when we've been out on the
street, walking, or bound somewhere in q
hurry and a funeral procession has come
along, you've forced me to make detour
of about II miles because you said it was
bad luck to cross a funeral
ooh, I'm sure it wasn't quite so much as
that only like to wait until the funeral
gets by, and not cross between the car
rages!' said Mrs. Jobson.
Seventeen miles is the distance of the
detours | namedt' repeated Mr.. Jobson,
sternly. And, may | never if, the other
evening, when | was accidentally in the
dining-room you didn't see the servant girl
drop a dish rag and eXclaim: Bad news!
Terrible news is bound to come, when a dish
rag falls to the floor and / thought at the
time that it was a sad thing for sensible
man to have a woman bearing his name
stuffed so full of nonsense.
sWell, WELL" said Mrs. Jobson, when
Ida dropped that dish rag, all | said was:
Dear me; somebody we don't care to see
is comingto visit u.s.! =
Then Mr.. Jobson went upstairs and lit all
the gas on the hot night to manifest his dis
pleasure.
On the Fourth of July Mr.. Jobson was
puttering around the house. changing the
pictures from nail to nail, rearranging the
furniture that Mrs. Jobson had artstically
arranged only the day before, and making all
the various kinds of household nuisance
of himself that all men necessarily make
\ who set about doing household chores.
In standing on chair in the stting-room
to remove a large plate-glass mantel mirror
to nail that he had picked out in the
parlor he slipped and the mantel mirror
fell to the hearth with crash. The glass
was broken into flinders.
When Mrs. Jobson came running up from
the basement she found Mr.. Jobson's face
as white as chalk, while great beds of the
perspration of fear stood out upon his fore
head.
'Well," he gasped, hoarsely, "this settles
it for sure, certain. wouldn't have had this
thing happen for a hundred million dollars.
1t means seven years bad luck to smash a
looking glass just as certain as Monday
comes alter sunday. never knew IL W
,fail-could mention thousands of instances
among my own friends where it came out
that way-seven years ofdevilish, fiendish,
hopeless, bad luck, and here am in for it,!
and Mr.. Jobson mopped his brow and
looked stupefed with despair. Inside of
half an hour he was so i'll over contemplate
ing the bad luck in front of him that he had
to 60 upstairs and lie down. There he had a
chance to think, and when he came down
stairs he summoned Mrs. Jobson.
Madam" he said, 81 thought told you
awhile back that | wanted no more super
stition in this house? What do you mean,
then, by going up in the air in this silly way
and talking about the seven years of bad
luck that are bound to follow the breaking
of that mantel glass? "-Washingto Star.
When He Would Suffer.
On wet night recently there was a jam
of passengers on a south-going tramcar. A
number were standing on the rear plat
form, among them one whose dogs collar
and soft felt hat proclaimed him par
son An Irishman with a short clay pipe