Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-07-26

II ne continues TO eat with his knife
he viii probably cut himself.
Beware" said the fortune teller, OF
a tall. dark man" You are trying to
black male me-" faltered the fair
young maid-Chicago Tribune
Excited Wife--Wake up, Henry! The
house is on fire. Sleepy Husband
Great heavens, Now Wen have to
move again.-Ohio State Journal.
Wigs-That pretty girl next door
scrceches to beat the band. l thought
you said she sung beautifully. Wags-
No; said she was a beautiful singer"
College Idiot (indefnitely)-I doesn't
necessarily follow Kind Fricnd-What
doesn't? College Idiot--Why. a dog
when you whistle for it--Columba
Jester.
The Difference: What is the differ
ence between sewing machine and
kiss? One sews seams nice and the
other seems so nice,-Quips and
Cranks.
Thick; BrigCs-The electric light has
gone out on the other side of the hotel
piazza, Griggs-Yes, l had to elbow
| my way through the lovers there just
uow.-Life.
Rcformers: "Some or dc loudes' talk
in reformers," said Uncle Eben,
makes me think of baldheaded man
goin' 'roun' se'lin' hair restorcr.
| Washington Star.
| Bertha-And so Edith has made up
| with Fred? How did it happen? Con
| stance--Oh, you see, 1t was the only
way in which she could have another
quarrel with him.
$50 he has written a good play at
last "Oh, no; it's very commonplace"
what! It's one of ne most success
full of the season" (Which proves ex-
actly what | say
Hojack- Here's an account of how
man wrote IL love letter and got into
trouble by it. Tomdik--T can sympa-
thi1e with that fellow. That's how l
happened to get married.
Nellie wrote lovely poem to Ma
bel. Belief know, but she got mad
and tore it up. Nell-The idea! Why2
Aftlit- ne btHutl II lAtlltS Oh hdnSi y
Face. philadelphia Record.
Playwright From the nature of my
play you see it ought to close with
some line or significant act from the
nero in perfect accord with the feel
ings of the audience. Crltic-Why not
let him heaye a sigh Of relief, then?
Instructor Lord Byron said that Ma.
caulay woke up one morning and found
himself famous. What great character
in American literature is parallel to
thisy Student (who had been dozing)
Zip Van Winl,le.-Princeton Tiger
At the marriage Of an Albany widow
or one Of the servants was asked il his
master would take bridal tour.
Dunno sab; when old missus's alive
he took a paddle 10 her; dunno If he
takes a bride to the new one or not
The President Then you don't care
to have your name mentioned in con.
nection with your one hundred million
dollar gift to our university? The Phi
lanthropist-Well you might say that
you give my name without my cun-
sent
Little Augusta was at the window.
"Oh, come quick, or you won't see itp'
she called excitedly. Hes running
away" what is It, dear?" asked her
mother why, there's a horse going
down the street with nothing on but
| his tail"
A Very Good Days Work; Weary
! fua nut Ia, ,In ttfg
in thirty minutes. Prayed Fagin-Ex-
! plain ycrself. Weary whichever, L
! put in six pies, pan Nv doughnuts an
! fou. jars NV preserves. OATS a good
days work fer any woman.-Judge.
Cuplds Benefit: Ceia-Oh, we had
n delightful time at Ophclia's an
! nouncement party Della What did
you do? Celia--Shc had us submlr
| sealed gucsscs MS to the man she IL
| engaged to; the girl who guessed right
| is to be maid OF honor Free
| Press.
There Is only one reason" he said.
"why have never asked you to be my
| wife" what is thati' she asked. Il
! have always been half afraid You
might refuse" We'll" she whispered,
! after a long silence. II should think
you'd have curiosity enough to want to
find out whether your suspicion was
well founded or not"
Has Bcen.-An Englishman went into
n restaurant In n New England town
and was served for his first course with
n delicacy unknown to him. SO no
| Hsked the waiter what it was, and the
waiter replied: IT'S bean soup, sir"
whereupOn the Englishman, in high in
/ dignation, responded: II don't caro-
what it's been; want to know what 1t
! is. Philadelphia Times.
| An Inherited Weakness: How read
ily and naturally your daughter takes
! her high c." said Mrs Oldcastle, as she
sat IN the splendid music room of the
| new neighbors listening to the prac-
ticing OF the daughter Of the house.