Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
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sends her bouquet. Yes! COnfOunu
it! No matter who sends it!"-Puck.
Politician -" Congratulations, Sarah.
I've been nominated" Sarah with de-
light-"Honestly." Politician-"What
difference does that make?"
Painless dentistry: Did your den
fist hurt you much?" mot this time;
his charges were very reasonable
Cincinnati mmercial-Tribune.
You asked her'father for her hand?"
Eyes" "And he refused your" mo.
he didn't. He said l could have both
of 'em."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Hicks-"Did you get a peaceful rest
in camp that you expected" Wicks-
"No; you see, we sat up all night play
ing jokes on one another. '-SOmerville
(NIass.) Journal.
Tommy-"Pop, what Is an average
man" Father - IAN average man,
my son, is one who feels that he Is
little better than his neighbors."-
Philadelphia Record.
A little angel: Mother-"Willie,
hope you never do anything so wicked
as to tie tin cans to dogs tails" Willie
Nom. II never do nothin' but hold
the dog."-Detroit Free Press.
She Ito returned warrior, enthusiast
tically)-"And l suppose you almost
lived on horseback out there" He
"Well, yes, toward the end of Lady.
smith we did. 1t makes rather decent
sOup."-Punch.
"What is the difference between
monologue and dialogue, pa?" "A
mOnOlogue, my son, Is mans wife
talking to him, and dialogue is his
wife and her mother talking to him."
Town Topics.
Scheme That Failed-Tom (teasingly)
Would you he sorry to hear that l
am going to marry Edyth?" Mayme
-"lndeed l should" Tom-"Why?"
Mayme--"Because really like Edyth."
Chicago News.
Il suppose, in the collecting bust
ness said the inquisitive man, "near-
ly every man you so TO see asks you
to call again." ASKS me?" replied the
collector. Some of them dare me-
Philadelphia Press.
Modern science: Weary Willie
"Please, mum, can't you give poor
man some breakfast" Mrs. Givem-
nit-"Certainly. After you saw that
wood you may eat the sawdust. 1t
makes fine breakfast food. Elk.
Parson Jobson-"Ah wants ter speak
ter yo', deacon, elbout de habit yo' has
oh goin' ter sleep in church. 1t wor-
ries me-" Deacon Jackson-"Oh, doan'
let 1t worry yo', pahson: All alters
leaves nah pocket-book at home, yO'
know."-Judge.
Pound of flesh: Financier tenant of
our forest, after weeks unsuccessful
stalking)-"Now, look here, my man.
l bought and paid for ten stays. II
the brutes can't be shot, you'll have to
trap them! I've promised the venson,
and mean to have it!'-Punch.
misunderstanding, Bob, got back from
your vacation? Had good time this
summer" Robert should say
had. l suppose you haven't heard
found nice little wife up in the noun
tains." Richard-"Did you find out
who lost her:'-Boston Transcript.
The InQusitive Visitor stopped at the
editors desk. And do you file all
the communications that come in!" he
asked, interestedly. mot all of them,"
replied the editor. pleasantly; 'Only
those that need their English polished
up" - Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
The librarians humor: what" we
ask Of the librarian, do you suppose
Is the greatest library book in the world
the book that is in the most de-
mand?" ''Carnegie's handbook" he
respond confidently, without looking up
from his work.-Baltimore American.
He died in town this summer. Dur
ing his last illness his wife nursed him
over the telephone from Newport; his
doctor treated HIM by telegraph from
Bar Harbor; and a letter, written from
the top of the Alps by his clergyman,
was read over him at the funeral
Life.
I'll have come" he began, address.
ing her father, Toto suggest to you
that a union Of our families would"
I'm not in favor of unions" the testy
old Captain Of Industry interrupted.
land l will not submit the matter to
arbitration. Good morning. "-Chicago
Record Herald.
Miss Kamra Feend-"I'd like to take
a photo of your Farmland at work."
Farmer Brown-"All right-ef yew kin
snare the time" Miss Kamra Feend
-"Oh, this camera will catch him in
inst one-twentieth of a second" Far
mcr Brown-"Yes; but it'll take We two
hours few ketch him workin'."-Judge.
us this commission house?" asked
the tall man. Yes, SIR" said the COM
mission merchant. What can we do
for you?" "Well, if you sell commits
sions. I'd like to buy one, if they're NOT
too dear, for my son. l want lieu
tenants commission in the army, for
nv son wants to be soldier and he's
too lazy to go to West Point."-Balti-
more Herald.
IF you leave all your property to