Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1902-03-27
Mr.. Bowser in History.

When Mr.. Bowser came home the
other evening, he didn't have "that
tired feeling" to warn Mrs. Bowser
that he proposed to kick row over
the gas bill but, on the contrary, he
was stepping high and swelled up
with importancy. She knew in an
instant that some one had been fiat
tering him, and that if she only gave
him rope enough he would explain all.
He looked at her and talked to her
in a patronizirg way throughout the
dinner hour, and he appeared to be
on his guard against letting himself
down. When dinner was over, he
lighted his cigar and paced back and
forth across the sitting room with his
head up and shoulders squared, and
the cat made up her mind that he had
either fallen heir to big fortune or
had discovered that one of his ances-
tors was at the helm of Noah's ark
during good share Of the voyage.
At last he spoke.
Mrs. Bowser," he began, "if you
are not too busy this evening should
like your help for few minutes. "
Certainly" she replied.
"There was a gentleman in the Of
fee this afternoon with a book enti-
tied Historic Men of America AS
it has not been issued yet, of course
you have not heard Of it. Perhaps |
should have said proposed book"
"Well?"
"The idea is to make a book Of 800
pages. The lives of fifty Of the most
prominent men in America are to be
written up, and each will fill ten pages
1t is to be a very exclusive work,
bound in gilt and morocco, and selling
for $40 per volume. l have been Sc
lected as one of the fifty to be written
up"
Eyes"
"And l want you to help me recall
the leading incidents of my life and
make little sketch for the historian
to go by"
"How much is it going to cost you?
she asked.
II take ten ofthe books at $40 each.
He would have been glad to write me
up free of cost, but Of course we want
at least ten of the books. He came
all tn. way from Boston to see me,
and shonld l repeat one-half Of the
nice things he said you would think
me conoeited. Let US see what we
can get up. You know my life as
well as l know myself"
Mrs. Bowser drew a long breath,
looked at him in pity, and after a
moments thought she said:
"Well, at the age often years, which
is probably going back far enough,
you were kicked in the stomach by
cow and laid up for two weeks, as you
have often related. That is the be-
ginning of your history"
Woman, do you mean to insult
me?" he exclaimed, as he flushed.
"Of course not. If this is to be
history Of you, we must get in all the
incidents. Don't the histories Of
Washington record the cherry tree
incident? The next thing to happen
to you was when you were twelve
years old; you fell into the family
cistern."
"Are you talking in sarcasm" ?" he
asked, as he glared at her.
mot at all. Every history Of
every great man goes back to his boy
hood. Don't we read that Homer
rescued cat from the jaws of dog
when he was only four years old?
All these early incidents are supposed
to have bearing on mans charac-
ter. Let me see at fourteen you
fell in love for the first time and
wanted to commit suicide By swallow
ing box of bluing because the girl
played tag with another boy"
"By thunder, but you want to
make out that I'm an ass p shouted
Mr.. Bowser, as he bobbed around on
his chair.
Nothing of the sort, she smiling
ly replied. you were making his
tory at very youthful period, and
it should all go into the book. At
fifteen, as l have often heard you say,
you attended your first circus, and
camel ate up your straw hat. At six
teen you fell in love with your Aunt
Margaret and wanted her to elope
with you. At seventeen"
"Stopl" thundered Mr.. BOwser, as