The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-03-18
WHY HE HATES CATS
BY JOHN H. nAFTERY.


EFT as he laid aside a newspaper account of
every well-organized dog in the world ought
to be glad to see cats coming forward lin the
show business. As friend of all dogs, 'cept
pugs, I'm glad, because if the domestic cat
has any excuse for living outside of play
acting, I've never discovered it,
The wise and witty man from Dallas
pulled out his navy twist, cut off two
ounce chew and resumed:
For nigh so years O my life, willing to
love all animals, including mankind and ter
rapin, never could do any better by the cat
than give her the benefit of the doubt. The
doubt being considerable, the preponder-
| ance O. evidence being, SO to speak, against
the cat, I kept her on the waiting list till |
was past SO, and then I wiped her off the
slate even as a hundred to one shot, made
new book with Fido as top choice, and
! however mind how old AMI wiling
to back the dog, from Llewellyn settlers
down to pugs, against all cat Corners.
"Bill Sewers 'sot me- finally against cats.
Bill married an old maid over at Austin, and
we all allowed it'd turn out fine for her be-
cause Sewers was man O fine sentiments,
tender as a woman and powerful partial to
pets. Twas about four years after Bills
wedding / met him up at Galveston. He
was walking along with fne-looking boy
about II years old, so says l: Hello, Bill,
that your boy?' YES says he. Mighty
big and sassy for four-year-old,' says I.
Yep says Bill. 'How's your wife, Bill?'
| Got none,' says he, grinning glad-like; I
shunted her an she shunted me- So in
vited him and the kid to go trolling on the
| bay with me, an with the little fellow in
/, the bow, where he couldn't hear and Bill
: and me in the stern-sheets trolling, the old
| chap ups and yarns me the story.
Know how / love dawgs?' says he;t
| well, thar was the fust trouble. Arabella,
she was stuck on cats. Day after the we'd
din she landed up on the place with seven
O. the orneriest lookin' grimalkins at ever
: sponged often white man. Well, Tillman
you know Tillman-the big one-eyed set
ter, he killed five on 'em fust thing.
| When Bella seen me latin she begin cryin'
an vowed all my dawgs-I had only 'leven
then-'ud have to go. Course ! ups an roars,
but in'ly we comp missed by me agreein' to
send the dawgs over to Junk Days an her
submittin' to reduce tn cats stable to jest
one favorite.
Well, sir, Bill, that thar beast turned
out to be the peskiest, meanest, most owda-
cious thing 1 ever seen, forever gittin I'M
der my feet, settin' on Bella's lap, cornerin'
tn best they wuz an,makin' Bella talk baby
talk, till one day I got sure 'nough riled an
kicked the blame tabby outen the winder
Course that fetched on hullabaloo an
Sewers house. Bella was for bringin' me
into subsection t tn goll-darned cat an I
was fur bringin' her an tn cat into subjec-
ton t. Bill Sewers. 1t was what mought be
called armed truce, but WIZ gettin rilier
an rilier all the time becuz Bella was ever
lastin'ly a-lavishin' herself on the cat an
spitin' me every way her an the burned cat
could rig up.
Course I wuz gettin' lonesomer an lone
somer, not havin' no dawgs nor no kids, SO
when Junk Daly's wife died l sot my no.
tons on adoptin' one O. her kids. That's
him out thar in the bow right now. He
wuz comm twelve an right peart I'm when
l landed him up in tn house an told Bella
I'd adopted him. At fust she TUX tom near
as tender like as eff he wuz young tom cat,
but fust think l knowed Zeke, that's his
given name, he begun tyin' strings to Bella s
cats tail an putin paper boots on the
burned feline. So Bella begun awollopin'
| Zeke, an with me takin' up fur him, an him
fghtin' back at tn cat an the said cat get
tin back at Zeke, they wuz h to pay
for shore. Zeke slep' with me and tn cat
slep' with Bella, an fur a spell we KEEP apart
an had no truck in common. Bella KEEP
alookin' solemner an solemner, a-glarin' at
Zeke an a-scowlin at me till fn'ly she ups
and tells me that Zeke's bin Robin her
She got offul serious an says she'd been miss
in rings and small jew'lry for long spell
an he'd actually found 'em all that day
slowed away in Zeke's little tool chest I'd
bought fur his birthday. ask Zeke an he
ups and swears he never took nothin', but
Bella want satisfied till she makes him ad-
NIT that he knowed the things wuz in his
chest all tn time. Course had t lick him
didn't know how tn stuff got into his
chest.
''Twant two days after that thar fust
set-to when Bella comes t. me an says Zeke
has gone an stole dollar bill outen her
drawer. She fetched me in my room an
pinted out the greenback, all rumply and
poked down in the tool box So licked
Zeke agin' an Bella she licked him agin',
an the pore kid was most broke down,
but still stickin' to it that he never stole
nothin,. Lickin Zeke was bad enough on
my sperits, but what made me hotter'n all
wuz tn way Bella's DANCED old cat enjyed
the leatherin' Zeke was gettin'. That night
while her an tn cat was at tea / put an
other dollar bill on the dresser, TUX a augur
an bored a hole in Bells door an another
in my door. Then made her fetch up her
everlastin' cat an put it into the bedroom,
When I'd locked both doors after a-ightin'
lamp in her room an another in me an
Zeke's, l fetched Bella out, leavin' the dang
cat inside, an told her to set down on the
floor am watch at the augur hole what the
cat mought do. went to TIL door an lowed
that I'd speak out what seen the cat
a-doin'.
"S"Has she begun p'formin'?" l asst
Bella. yep" says Bella, peekin through
at Tabby, She's a-playin' on the dresser
she's a-fddlin' with ribbon II suthin'-
here she comes with ats greenback
Bill says Bella, "an' she's a-goin' fur your
roomw
"'"An' here she comes" says /, peekin'
in my hole, can your gol-dinged old cat is
a-puttin' the money in Zcke's tool chest!"
An so twas. That cat wuz the guilt
est lookin' thief l ever seen when opened