Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1902-05-08
GOOD
Short Stories

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Many years ago, when Senator In
gals was in the Senate, oleomargarine
was bone of contention. The debate
led ingalls, to utter one of these cpl
grammatic sentences which made him
famous. II have never, to my knowl-
edge, tasted oleomnrgarlne," said In
gals, "but have stood in the presence
Of genuine butter with awe for its
strength and reverence for Its antlq-
ulty."
The late Senator Cushman X. Davis,
OF Minnesota, was asked by President
Mckinley what he thought of the APP
pointment of Gen. Joe Wheeler in the
army during the war with Spain. II
think 1t would be one of the best APP
pointments you could make, Mr.. Presi-
dent" replied Davis, frankly; 81 am
living witness of Wheeler's grit and
persistence During the Rebellion he
chased me like the very devil through
five States"
An Eastern manufacturer OF bicy-
cles, being compelled to go away on
business trip about the time an inter-
estlng domestic event was expected,
left orders for the nurse to wire him
results according TO the following
formula: If boy, "Gentleman's safe
ty arrived" If girl, "Ladys safety
arrived" The fathers state of mind
may be imagined when, a few days
later, he received telegram containing
the one word: Tandem"
Mark Twain once had trying ex-
perience with a compositor-one of
those conscientious compositors, who
not only know, but know that they
know. According to writer in Har-
per's Weekly, Mr.. Clmens had re-
ceived from his publishers the proofs
of story which he considered as funny
as anything he had ever written, but on
reading the proofs he dismally discov-
cred that the fun had been carefully
eliminated. Mr.. Clemens returned the
proofs, congratulating the compositor
upon having consumed "only one week
In making sense of story which he
himself required two weeks to make
nonsense OFF,
Brigadier General Lloyd Wheaton has
little respect for the Filipinos as SOL
diers, and at his mess one evening he
expressed himself in characteristic
manner when a discussion arose in
which some of the newspaper men who
were following the Philippine cam
paign took part 1t had to do with the
general character of the Filipinos, and
the general expressed himself with his
customary vigor. At last, one of the
correspondents, thinking that the dis
cussion was getting rather warmer
| than 1t should, ventured a suggestion
which he intended to be of concilia-
tory nature. well, general" he said,
you'll at least admit that the Filipinos
are brave" The general leaped to his
feet and struck the table resounding
blow with his fist. "Brave!" he shout
ed, "brave! They're hounds! They're
hounds They won't stand up to be
shotr'
Slason Thompson says that the late
Eugene Field was fond of relating the
following story of James Whitcomb
Riley: TO beguile the tediousness of
the return voyage from Europe it was
proposed to give concert in the saloon
of the ship-an entertainment to which
all capable of amusing their fellow
voyagers should contribute Mr.. Riley
was asked to recite some of his orig.
inal poems, and, of course, he cheerful
ly agreed to do so. Among the number
present at this mid-ocean entertain
ment, over which the Rev. Myron Reed
presided, were two Scotchmen, very
worthy gentlemen, en- route from the
; land o. cakes to the land of biscuits
upon tour of investigation. These
twain shared the enthusiasm with
which the auditors applauded Mr.
Riley's charming recitations. They
marveled that so versatile genius
could have lived in land reputed fol
uncouthness and savagery. rs 1t NJ
; wonderful, DOnal," remarked one Of
, these Scots, that tradesman suld b,
, sic bonnie poetf" And is he indeed
tradesmani" asked the one. Indeed
Z he is" answered the other; ibid We NJ
: hear the dominic intryjuce him as tn,
? Hoosier poet? Just think of it. mon!-
| just think of sic guide poet dividin.
his time making hoosiery?"