The Greenville times. [volume] (Greenville, Miss.) 1868-1917, 1902-11-08
SLOW PHILADELPHIA
The Funny Filings at the Quaker
City Not All Well Founded. y
Business Men and Politicians Are A.
Wide Awake and Enferpri4In9 x
ms Those OF Any Other
Great GommunIty.

~
1 Those who have grown accuEtome
to the almost proyerbial expression
"As slow as a Philadelphian," hay
never gone beyond the humorous cor
slderation Of the matter, writes Dl
William Ellis Things, in the Chicag
American.
] The newspapers have made It tn
brunt Of humorous thrusts, tn
theme has furnished food for carica
.turists on occasions when more mo
mentous problems have lain in slum
boring quiescence, lecturers hav
scored introductory points about il
and knights of the "heel and clog
have come to resort to 1t as vindica
tion when old and memorable gray
haired jokes have failed to find marke
in the playhouses Of the beautiful cit,
of homes.
SO far has this over-indulgence of |
well-taken criticism extended, that on,
may hear in England and as far away
as the orient, stories invested with rid
icule for patient Philadelphia, the long
suffering and never-complaining hom'
of as lovely and loving community Of
people as God ever made.
A certain lecturer in Scotland, com
memorating the disposition of his fam
lily said: Il have three children liv
ing, and one in Philadelphia, Pa" A
well known long distance walker ath,
lete, losing the championship in Q
time walk from Washington to New
York, consoled his defeat and amused
his admirers by declaring that he was
far ahead of his old-time record when
on arriving in the city of Philadelphia,
his feet went 10 sleep, and he was un-
able to proceed, further with his ac-
customed agility
The members of fourishing base
ball team, on alighting from the train,
each appeared armed with gigantic
alarm clock which they proceeded to
carry about the town to keep them
awake.
A still more unfortunate. but actual
occurrence is the one recorded~in the
undertakers' journals that Philadel-
phia is the only city in the world en-
joying the distinction of having had
one of its citizens run over and killed
by an undertaker's hearse.
Actors appease the fancy's tickle fol-
bles. by informing us that they come to
Philadelphia and tell jokes one season,
returning the next to find they have
just penetrated the slumbering per-
ceptions of the easy-going citizens.
And thus, Philadelphia becomes the
poets theme, the joker's jest, the
caricaturist's hope, while its unayeng-
ing millions are born, live and die I'm
the deepest affection for the place, UNI
mindful of the thrusts, and not infre-
quently enjoying them. M
l have seen consumptives deliber-
ately refuse the offer of home and'com-
fort, with ansalmost indisputable as
surance of restoration to health and.
ertainly longer life, in the mountainh.
of the south, southwest and Colorado,
that they might remain in the city OF
their love and die there-seemingly
perfectly contented. In two cases par
ticularly / know that each could have
had every luxury that wealthy and
anxious friends and relatives would
have rendered to go away into the
land of oxygenous air and balmy sun
shine, but they refused to leave--the
one dying when the winter came, and
the other lingering to-day, held by the
barest thread of existence that is
worse than death. III
Now, there is serious and d scien-
tific side to the fact of Philadelphia's
slowness as body ofpeople.
It is noticeable that the men who
control wealth, who handle great cor
porations and engage in vast business
enterprises therein, are alive to their
business best interests, and comprise
rs wakeful set of men as one wishes
10 find in any municipality in the world.
This is particularly noticeable in the
political affairs of Philadelphia.
Those who engage in the actual con
troll of the vast city's interests take oc-
opportunity to assure the
world that there is nothing slow about
he politicians of that town. The voters
ire just the contrary-let a man in
betray every sense Of honor
ind fidelity to his constituency, and
hey will re-eIect him as long as he
shows his allegiance to the powers that
,e. This signifies subserviency--ser
Tile submission-whether 1t be good or |
4 =