The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-02
MR.. DOOZEY ON 7HE
IRISH QUESTION, BY r. p. DUNNE

/ riv'lution but don't upset tn tay-
things. They no more attimpt to eaten
/ tn speakers eye with tn thumb.
They're in favor iv freein' Ireland but
with tn permission iy tn comfy on
rules. It's right. too, Hinnissy. I'm
opposed to Whence in amy form. We
mus be pathrites, but we must first
iv all be gintIemen. Afther We, me dear
Alphonse.
But whin 1 come to think iv it. I
guess I'm wrong. Ye can't be a rivo-
lutionist in silk hat an long coat.
Riy'lution is wurruk FIR tn shirt
sleeves. A rfv'lution can't be bound be
tn rules iv tn game because it's again
tn rules iv tn game. Put away tn
tall hat, niver mind tn cups an sau-
GERS, tell ma to pack up her things an
take tn girls off TO her mothers. Pah
an tn boys ar-re goin' to have riy-
luton.
TIL Irish wud have no throuble with
tn English if tn English were Irish.
tn throuble with Englishmen govern
in Ireland is that they're English. An
Englishman niver gets to know an
Irishman. They don't speak tn same
language. An Englishman can un-
dherstand a German. a Turk, a Chiny-
man, naygur or an Indyan, but he
don't know amy more what an Irish
man is talkin' an thinlxin about thin
what tn angels in hiven ARE sayin'.
WHAT'S tn uss iv cOn-varsin' with him?
Give him belt in tn jaw. That's a
language so gin rally undherstud that
We niver need a pocket ditchnry to
make it out An Irishman is always
dhreamin' dhreams. If We cud get into
tn mind iv a hungry Irishman an a
hungry Englishman, ye'd find tn Irish
man was thinkin' about banket iv tn
gods with him in seat number wan
singin' song, an tn English1nan was
refiictin' on tn smell iv tn thripe down
tn sthreet.
An Englishman don't know they'se
amy such things as wrongs in tn
Wurruid- He sets down in front iv his
dinner an says he to himsilf: What a
jolly wurruld this isl What an aw-
flly beastly jolly wurruld. Ivrybody is
happy. Anybody that kicks does it
rr exercise / can't see a spot where
tn wurruld needs Improvement. It's
such a complete job I must have done
It mesilf Very civil iv me- What tn
doose is that man over there spoutin'
pothry about? He's a loonytick Put
him out. Why, he's pintin' gun at
me. Wen, p'raps I'd betther listen to
him.
Mind We, Hinnissy, I amt in favor
Nv dinnymite. Far firm it. Aven an
Englishman was niver improved be
bein' blown up. Or, I'll put it this
way. m IN fdvOr w dfnnymite but
not in favor iv it's goin' off. They al
ways ought to be a little iv it undher
an Englishman's chair. Thin we cud
go up to him an say: Things is goin'
badly in Ireland an somethin' mus be
done. Place to sign this paper an
redress our wrongs 'Wrongs?' says
he. What ARE wrongs?' he says. 1T
wud take too long to explain says me-
We will only say they'se a bunch Nv
joynt powdher undher ye'er chair that
may go off amy minnit. Sign here
II amt a Feenyan, dye mind, though
I was. an amt Gamma Gael,
though We can't prove it be me, but
1 niver in me life see anything done
without they was a gun-play some
where concealed in it. Hiven f'rbid
that 1 shud want anything to hap
pen to those dear cousins Nv ours
acrost tn sea- / wudden't bring a
tear to tn blue eye iv Jawn Hay
don't believe in too much fo0rce, but
we've always got to flavor tn porridge
with it. I'd have little constichoo-
chinal agitation an little foorce, a
sthreak iv wan an sthreak iv tn