Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1902-01-09

| JoAB AND MOSES MET AT THE PoSToFFICE.
huckleberry patch, Joab and Moses
met at the postoffice, and after little
| talk Joab said:
"Moses, I'm told that you've got
tolerable appetite for cider"
Eyes, tolerable," admitted Moses.
"You allus lay in bar'l for winterf'
81 surely do"
"And what do you put into it to keep
1t from gettin' hard and twangy?'
II allus use little peppermint
T'ye heard you did, and I'm goin' to
tell you of a better thing. Put in sas-
safras instead of peppermint, and
you'll have a bar'l of cider equal to
champagne. You know how folks cry
for my cider along in the winter. and
it's the sassafras what does it."
"Sassafras couldn't beat peppermint"
says Moses as he shakes his head.
but 1t does beat it all holler," says
Joab "You use ii once, and you'll be
grateful to me all the rest of your life"
Il don't doubt you mean well, Joab,
but I shall stick to peppermint right
along. Sassafras root is a good thing
to chaw on, and | like the smell In h'ar
oil, but when it comes down to cider
peppermint's the only thing to use. You
put in three tablespoonfuls to the bar'l,
and the bar'l must be rolled over twice
day."
I'm givin' you sassafras, Moses"
"And I'm givin' you peppermint.
Joab'
"Waal, 1 wouldn't give peppermint to
grubby calf"
"And wouldn't give Sassafras to an
ailin' hog"
That was the beginning Of the dis
pute. They didn't lay hands on each
other, but they felt edgeways, and they
never met without bringing up the
question. They had 1t all to themselves
at first, but after bit other folks were
dragged into it, and a good share of the
county was divided into "Peppermints"
and "Sassafrasers" Almost every night
in the year Joab and Moses met at the
postof1ice, and after sort of elbowing
each other around for a spell Joab
would say:
"Why, hello, Moses, is that you?
thought I smelt peppermint around
here"
"And l smelt sassafras as soon as
you left home" Moses would reply.
"Still stickin' to 1t. are you, that pep
permint is the right thing to keep cider
from gettin' too hardT
81 am, and allus shall, and SO would
any one else but a born fool"
~ don
en- men would go over the question and
call each other fools and liars, and
the trouble kept spreading. 1t beat
Joab when he ran for supervisor, and it
downed Moses when he wanted to be Il
deacon of his church. If lightning
rod man or tin peddler showed up
within ten miles of Jericho, they were
asked for their opinion on the cider
question, and the man who favored
peppermint couldn't do business with
the sassafrasers. Several preachers
tried tc smooth over the quarrel, but
when they went to Joab he said:
'Tm willin' enough to be friends with
Moses, but, durn his hide, he's got to
drop that peppermint business first"
Then they would go to Moses and
talk and argue and point out his duty,
but he would shake his head and reply:
Its no use talkin' till Joab lets go of
sassafras. He's stickin' to it jest be-
cause he's pigheaded and wants to
come out on top"
The thing had been going on for
nearly forty years, and Joab and Moses
had got to be grandfathers and old
men, when they met at the postoffice
for the last time. Both were tottering
and feeble, and as they caught sight Of
each other Joab called out:
''Its that blamed peppermint workin
in your system, and I don't care how
soon it takes you off,"
Its that sassafras in your blood"
replied Moses. land your folks needn't
expect me to come to your funeral"
The next day both of them were in
bed, and after looking them over the
doctor said their time had come to 60
They lasted two weeks and died on the
same day. but before dying Joab said
to Moses:
81 amt got no pity for sich a critter.
If you'd used sassafras. you might
have lived to be hundred years old"
When Moses received the message,
he braced up and sent back word:
Nobody wants any pity from you.
If thar's cider in heaven, they'll use
peppermint to keep it from CROWN
hardr NJ. QUAD.