davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

A story is told on doctor not
far from Fonda that is too good
to keep. A certain citizen set out
four shade trees for the doctor.
Later ths doctor was called TO give
medical assistance to the citizens
mother-in-law, who soon after
died. The doctor presented his
bill and the citizen paid it. After
paying the bill the citizen hap
pened to remember chat the doctor
owed him for the shade trees and
pres ented his bill, explaining that
he forgot to doso when he settled,
The doctor looked at the bill and
remarked: "But those shade trees
died" $50 did my mother-in-
law" was the prompt reply. The
doctor asked for the receipt of the
bill and checked any further dis
cussion. Fonda Times.
In respect to population Iowa
is eleventh in the Inst of states
and territories of the United
States. In area Iowa ranks twen-
ty-fourth. In percentage of arabic
soil compared to the area this
state is easily first.
Senators Proctor and Frye are
famous fishermen. For thirty
years Senator Proctor has been in
Vermont on the last night of April
with fishing tackle ready, and for
thirty years at sun-up on the lst
of May he has begun casting for
speckled trout. He will be there
this year.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
Unhappy Editors

Never does day go by but
that the publisher of a newspaper
has his judgment or patience test
ed by those who want this or that
said or done by the paper which
ought not to be said or done,' says
the Rochester Sentinel. That
paper then proceeds in thus point
edly pointing out the perplexities
of the editor and publisher, and
says: "One man who does not
get what be wants complaining that
the paper is unfriendly to him.
Another who wants the paper to
say things he would not say him-
self, complains that it lacks back
bone. And another who has done
things which he does not want
published gets mad if the paper
gives him the news. AS between
all of these the newspaper man is
constantly in the grind and if he
pulls through he must do SO by
exercising the best Judgment at
his command. But like a court of
justice, it is utterly impossible for
him to please all. Men cannot
see things alike, and especially is
this true of their opinions as to
what newspaper should do. 1t
is getting his friends t. $50 that
they are frequently in error in
wanting this or that done by a
newspaper without making them
mad that makes the ordinary edi-
tor feel like pallbearer."
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
A Bluff That wilma.

An attack of hysteria Stimulating un-
consciousness in a woman may be
stopped, says Modern Medicine, "by
the surgeon talking pair OF scissors
and regrctfully announcing That lie
will have to cut all the patients hair
off in order to make the application to
her hcad. 1T is doubtful whether this
bluff has even been known to fail"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
ExeCutrIx Notice.

Notice is Hereby Given to all Persons
Interested:
That on the 25th day of April, A D
1902, the undersigned was appointed
by the District Court of Harrison Co.,
Iowa, Executrix of the estate of Ber-
nard Riley, deceased, late of said coun-
ty. All persons indebted to said es-
tate will make payment to the under
signed, and those having claims
against the same will present them,
legally authenticated, to said Court
for allowance.
Dated Mo. Valley, Is., April 80, 1902.
ANNA T. RILEY,
ml5 Executrix.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
The Crocodile,

Vhe croccdile's lower jaw is not
socketcd in the skull. us is the case
with other animals, but the skull is
socketed in the jaw, SO that the ami
NAL can lift the upper part Of its head
as upon Il hinge and so capture what
ever prey may be at hand without go-
ing to the trouble of getting upon it's
lpuS
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
Oy.s Is.

Most birds are stoics compared to
owls, and those who cultivate their ac-
quaintance know that they have no
tilnc wherein to make their poctieal
complaints to the moon. Poets should
not mcddle with owls. Shakespeare
and Wordsworth alone have under
stood them. BY most others they have
been scandalously libeled.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
Rribcd In ADVANCE.

Briggs-So You are going to have
your fortune told by the new astrolo
ger down town. Let me give you n
pointer. If you want him to predie.
that you will one day be rich, just give
him a handsome tip.
Griggs That's all right I'll give him
my Eote for Il thousand or so, payable
when become millionaire. Boston
Transcript.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
Animals In Turkey

I'm Turkey the partridge is detested
because once it betrayed the prophet to
his enemies, and its legs are red be-
cause they We're dipped in the blood OF
Hassan. III man kills panther. he
is imprisoned for twcnty-four hours
and then is handsomely rewarded The
crane is respected, and it is q crime to
kill it.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
Practice ana Theory.

'Did you know dat dar was mo- dan
200 bones in dc human anatomy" ask
ed Miss Miami Brown.
Il didn't ncbber fgger ON de exact
number" answered MIR. Erastus Pink
ley, "but of cohsc knowcd by de
hicks in my razor dat dog was fab
PUN ska'sc." c."-Washington Star.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
Nxc on WnZncr.

Bill Nye, the humorist, once told
Dean Hole that when he met Richard
Wagner he said to him, "Your music
Is beyond my comprehension, but al
ways feel sure when hear it that it
Is really much better than 1t sounds"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
Not IL Sensible Man.

Daughtcr-Oh, mamma, do wish 8
were pretty!
Mother-You needn't, dear. Sensible
men think very little about beauty.
Daughter-But it isn't sensible men.
I'm thinking about, mamma; it's Char
lie! ..e .---
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
Crop Bulletin for Week Ending
ADriI 28. 1902.

During the past week the cy-
clonic winds and dust storms,
which are somewhat characteristic
of the season in this portion of
the continent, eliminated in cop
ious showers, bringing abundant
moisture for present needs of the
crops in nearly all parts of the
state. Some damage was caused
by the high winds in numerous
localities, and it is likely that
seed grain was uncovered, or too
deeply covered by drifts of dust
in many exposed fields; but the
resultant showers brought ample
compensation in the form of re-
lief to the suffering crops. The
fields are in excellent condition to
absorb the moisture without him
drance to farming operations,
and in all districts there is large
area ready for the corn planters.
A beginning has been made in
the southern section, and planting
will be general if the weather
continues favorable the coming
week. Potato planting is now in
progress. Grass and grain are
making fair growth. Reports in
dictate that foliage and bloom on
fruit trees are coming as early as
usual. All farm operations are
we'll advanced.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
What He Wanted IN sov

Prisoner at the bar" said the judge,
sis there anything you wish to say be-
fore sentence is passed on you?"
The prisoner looked wistfully toward
the door and remarked that he would
like to say Good evening"" if it would
be agreeable to the company.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
The Delayed Verdict,

Friend Il was surprised that it took
the jury ten hours to reach a verdict.
The evidence seemed to me quite clear
ENjuryman-W We agreed on the YER
dict at once, but some one commenced
a discussion as to the literary merit Of
the judges charge. Town and Coun-
fry
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

Emperor William is master of
four languages and fairly profici-
ent in two more, but they say
when he is thoroughly angry he
talks in them all by turns, indulg-
ing in polyglot profanity that
makes it sound as if he were
speaking in two dozen different
tongues.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

Great Briton has lost in the
Bore war "a, ,299 officers and men
and had wounded 63,330 up to
January last. The cost of the war
to her has been s7l5,O00,000 and
is now costing per month S22.O00-
COZ.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
ct,sfly Roscs.

1t is said that the first four roses OF
the beautiful variety known as Jacqne-
minot received by a New York flower
dealer just before a long ago Christ
mas sold for SGO-$l5 apicce-eight
times their weight in gold.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
Harris Grove Farmers Club.

The Harris Grove Farmers Club
met April Goth, at the home of Mrs.
Alice McKenney and sons, with three
members absent
Club called to order at IL 30 a. m.
Minutes read and approved.
Mr.. Develbess read selection: "The
use of the Roller" After 6 thorough
discussion of the roller question, Club
adjourned for the usual two hours in
Permission, me st of which time was
spent in doing ample justice to Mrs.
Mckenney's good cooking.
The afternoon session opened with q
song, after which selections were read
by most of the members.
Questions Answered.
L. The Club decided, that while it
would be impossible to raisc such i'm
mense crops of alfalfa on the upland
as they do on the bottom lancs, still it
will do reasonably we'll, the greatest
drawback being its liability to winter
kill.
2. Using clippers does horses more
harm than good.
3. The question in regard to moth
crushers was carried over.
Questions for next Meeting.
!. Is it not proper and just, when
pasturing COWS with calves by their
side, that the owner of the pasture be
paid reasonable sum for the pasture
of the calves?
2. Is there any virtue in what is
called water witching?
g. What is more essential to the far.
mer, high standard of agriculture, or
higher social and intellectual stand
ard?
Committee to open Discussions:
J.S. Vanderhoof, G. II. Longman,
and Mrs. Orr.
Committee on Questions:
H. II. Mckinney, b. A. Divelbess,
and Mrs. Longmsn.
Visitors present: Mr.. and Mrs. Rog-
ers; Mr.. and Mrs. Mcintyre; Mrs. Gull
ton; Rev. Jscobs; Mrs. Clarisa McKen-
ney, and Miss Lawson.
Club adjourned to meet with Mr. and
Mrs. Brewster on the last Saturday in
May 1902. FRANK FENsLER,
President
MRS. G. H. LoNaMAN,
Secretary.
W E Grigsby is an Omaha
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

If fashions and the weather did not
change, society would have to think in
order to keep up conversation satur-
day Evening Post.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

Paul Revere's house in Boston,
from which he started out on the
"ride" immortalized by Long
fellow, is now q "Banca Italiana." :"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

An instrument for indicating
and recording the approach of
thunderstorms is in use at St. Ig-
natins College, Cleveland, Ohio.
The apparatus comprises a relay,
n sounder, n coherer, two condens-
ers, a choking coil, two batteries
of two and four dry cells, clock
with recording cylinder, and a
copper collector fixed to the tower
roof. The action Of the storms
upon the recorder is as follows
If, at some distance from the re-
ceiving station, there is violent
discharge of electricity within a
cloud, the electrical oscillations it
occasions will impinge upon the
collector on the roof and close the
coherer circuit. The waves, how
ever, pass the coherer without OBJ
struction, thereby building bridges
for the battery current in this cir
cult. The relay in the coherer
circuit is energized, and closes the
recorder circuit in the usual man
ner.-Scientitic American.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
S;,oD Talk.

The only time some employers raise
their clerks is when they play poker to.
gethcr.- r.-Pliladclphia Record.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

Good sense is heavens choicest gift.
and in order to obtain it most men
have to make the trip to headquarters.
Chicago News.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

The Fort Dodge Post has taken
the trouble to make some compila-
tions Of statistics from the 1900
and 1890 census reports, to deter
mine whether the working man is
getting his share of prosperity.
1t finds that these figures indicate
the average earnings of labor in
1890 were S444, and ten years la
ter S437. On the other hand the
employers we're shown in 1890 to
have earned Is per cent and in
1900 IL per cent. "These fgures,' y
says the Post, "refute absolutely
the protectionists' hot air about
the laborer getting his share of
the protection levied by the Ding
ley law"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

A New York paper tells how
the little daughter of multi
millionaire name not given is
taken for walk every pleasant
morning. The child is accom-
panied by two maids, one walking
on either side, and behind these
come two men servants, burly of
build, of determined aspect and
both armed with revolvers. AN
this because the parents fenr their
darling may be kilnaped.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

The present area of the United
States, territories and insular pos
sessions is 3,690,822 square miles,
or about one fourteenth of the
land surface of the earth. Only
three countries, the British en-
pire, the Russian Empire and the
Chinese Empire have unquestion-
ably greater area than the Unit
ed States, aud these are the only
countries having greater pop
ulation. Including Alaska and
the islands, the total population
June /, 1900, was "a, 1913, ,O69.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

J Pierpont Morgan controles
the immense capital of 5,2l0,993,-
$50 and is looking for new worlds
to annex to his estate.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
Memorial Day Program, May SO.
1902.
A.. NJ.

Members of Beiden Post g. A. r. No. 50
old soldiers and Sons of Veterans and mcmb us
of W. Il. O. No. go will mcct" at q. A. II.
hall at 9:3D A. NJ.
ORDER OF PROCESSION.
Line will form on Erie street with right at
Third srtect to march to Cemetery for services
and decoration of graves of deceased comrade
and will form i'll the following order
Band.
Belden Post No. 50, Ct A. r.
Old Soldiers and Sons of Veterans.
School Children
W. II. G. No 23O in Carriages.
Mayor and City Council.
Citizens on Foot.
Secret Orders.
Citizens in Carriages.
At conclusion OF services procession will form
in same order as before ard march back to &
A. IL. hall and disband
AFTERNOON PROGRAM.
Members of Post, old soldiers and members
CIV. IL. G. will meet ut q A. II. hall ut 30
r. NJ. to march to new opera house to attend
Memorial services commencing at :. Y. NJ.
A cordial invitation is extended to all old
soldiers, Sons of Veterans, Secret Societies and
the public in general to join with us in the
proper observance of this most memorable day.
President of the Day, DIR. q. w. Colt.
Speakers. Hon. Walter L. Smith, Council
Bluffs, Ia. Hon. Tom II. Miner, Belle Plain
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01
St. John Items

St. John Items
Madam Rumor says there will soon
be a wedding in ST. John.
MIR. and Mrs. j. A Deal will visit
with relatives near Woodblne next
week.
Friday nights storm did considerable
damage to the fruit trees by blowing
the fruit buds off.
Mrs G. w. McGavren was an Qua
ha visitor Monday last.
O. E. Haight shipped car load of
brick to Mondamin parties last week.
Frank Wilson and family, of Cal
Junction, spent the day in st. John
with relatives on Monday last.
d. i Jones this week sheared for
Frank McGavren ten months old
Shropshire eve which yielded l2-lb
fleece of very fine wool
Farmers are busy preparing the land
for corn planting.
Born, Tuesday night, to Mr.. and
Mrs Albert Hiles, son.
General Taft and General Macarthur
say that the Filipinos are kind and
well-disposed people and that the great
majority are ready to accept American
rule. We presume the "water cure"
plan is resorted to to compel the other
fellows to accept American rule.
General Otis says the Filipinos are
brutal and treacherous and that they
cannot be governed peacibly for long
time to come. One would think the
"water cure" might slush out the "bru-
tai" part of their nature aud shooting
all over ten years of age would in time
make the "trescherous" REFORM Clin-
ton Age.
The great West, according to
the census figures, now produces
80 per cent of the gold, silver and
copper output of the United
States, Is per cent of the iron and
cereals, 65 per cent of the swine,
so per cent of the milch COWS, and
60 per cent of all other cattle in
the land. OF manufactured pro-
ducts, the city of Minneapolis
alone sends to market l6,O0O,O0O
barrels of flour every year, and
Elgin sends 100000 pounds of
butter. The Great Lakes bring
forward from their surface l50,-
100000 bushels Of grain every
year, and Detroit river floats four
times as much tonnage as the Suez
canal. Chicago starts by rail for
the markets OF the east $50 tons
of provisions every hour in the
dav. In the territory embraced
in the "Louisana," for which the
government paid $l5,000,OO0, the
existing produce every year grain
to the value of S345,OO0,O0), and
the people hold real estate the to-
tai value of which is placed at
So, 5O0,0OO,000. These figures
give some idea of wonderous
value Of the great West, after less
than a century of development un-
der American management. In
mining, agriculture and industrial
pursuits it stands today without
rival in the world, and its pros
perity has really but just began
to manifest itself. Another CEN
tury of intelligent labor will trans-
form it into an empire of product
iveness, the like which has never
before been seen.
The present area of the United
States, territories and insular pos
sessions is 3,690,822 square miles,
,l,,,,l ll,a
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

W E Grigsby is an Omaha
business visitor today.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

Rear Admiral Lord Charles
Beresford is the conservative can
didate for the house of commons
in the by-election in Woolwich,
and it is thought to be practically
certain that he will be elected.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-05-01

Madam Rumor says there will soon
be wedding in st. John.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-04-17

It is fairly obvious that the study OF
statistics is not exactly what would
be termed n popular pastime, says
Winthrop NJ. Daniels in The Atlantic.
Librarians do not discover any extern
sive demand for statistical literature.
Sir John Lubbock, If I remember
rightly, found no place for a single
volume of figures in his hundred best
books and in that food Of articles on
"Bo0ks That Have Helped Me, by
Authors Great and Authors Small"
the same significant silence seemed to
be maintained. There were some very
curious books that had apparently
proved helpful to certain persons, but
there was unbroken testimony OF a
negative kind that nobody had ever
been helped by blue book.
To say Of anything "as dry as sta
tistics" Is at once to consign 1t to the
nether,nost limbo Of aridity. Such Is
the verdict upon the finished stalls
teal product. AS for the methods en-
pioyed In constructing such tables
weighted averages, index numbers or
curves of error-these to the wayfar-
ing men are hidden and ingenious re-
flnements of cruelty, to be avoided at
oil hazards or at least forgotten with
a shudder and a prayer.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-04-17
How He Fooled the Dog.

A gentleman who Is fond of studying
wild animals in their natural surround
ings once had an opportunity of seeing
for himself an example Of the cunning
for which the fox has become proven
bal.
As he was standing near the bank OF
a river one winter day, he saw fox
run out upon the ice and make straight
for hole. At the edge Of the opening
he stopped, turned, followed his tracks
back to the bank, ran down the stream
and paused to await developments.
In a little while dog came tearing
out Of the woods, with his nose close
to the ice and snow. He ran along the
ice with his head down, following the
scent until he reached the opening. It
was then too late to check his speed.
BE plunged into the water and was lost
under the ice.
The fox meantime had waited In
plain sight to watch the effect of his
little trick. After the dog came into
view the fox remained perfectly mo-
tionless until he saw his old enemy
disappear. Then, with a look on his
face which seemed to combine good
natured grin with mild contempt, he
went nonchalantly off about his bust
ness
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-04-17
Snow From a Clear Sky.

The most wonderful snowstorms Of
all that may be seen every winter In
the Adirondacks are those that prevail
when the sky is cloudless. OF these
there are several varieties. Every week
or two we would see what looked like
q fog form about the distant hills and
then come drifting across the creek
valley. Doubtless 1t was a real snow
laden cloud that had been drifting
along until it struck our level CISCO
feet above the sea- in the Adirondacks.
when the conditions became favorable
for the release Of its feathery burden.
We saw these clouds fill the air with
fakes that were driven along almost
horizontally by strong gale, although
the tops of our old hemlocks and
spruces rose into the clear air and un-
obstructed sunlight above the highest
level of the snow producing air STRAIT
UNI. We even saw the snow so thick
in the air about US that the trunks Of
trees six feet above the earth were
not visible, although the treetops could
be seen, and the sun shone down
through the shallow storm with
strength enough to cast distinct shad-
ows.
We have stood on quiet, sunlit hill
top and looked down into valley less
than 100 feet below us, where snow
storm was raging with violence and
the temperature was frigid. Scrib-
rorfo
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1902-04-17
Southey on ColeridHe.

In 1906, Southey writes, says Harold
s. Scott In The Atlantic, "Coleridge Is
ut last arrived" (from Malta and italy,
"little improved in health Of body and
not at all so in health Of mind. He Is
grown very fat-which he attributes
to disease, and his wife believes 1t;
the fact is that he Is always eating and
drinking, morning, noon and midnight;
hardly ever without rum and water
beside him, sugared to the utmost-and
If he Is not talking he must be eating.
His mouth seems incapable Of being
ut rest. If he does not sleep Mt night,
up he gets for cold meat and spirits
and water. If all this does not kill a
man, it must needs fatten him.
"As you may suppose, he is very en-
tertaining; but, whether it be that he
is really worsened or that after so
long an absence the thing becomes
more striking, I never saw human
countenance express such intense and
loathsome arrogance Of self admira-
ton. 1t is at times quite fiendish. His
humor Is now to be orthodox because
he has made out some metaphysical
argument for the Trinity. In short, |
feel more than ever admiration and
establishment at his intellect and more
than ever grief and indignation at all
that 1t is coupled with"