The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-12-13

FRITZ made mistake today and
drank liquid out of a fire extinguisber"
Pat-"How did you feel?" Frifz-"Ob,
very much pud oudt''-Ex.
Fractional: Where the wife i tho
better half, what is the hushand9"
Perhaps he is what is mean by the
submerged tenth!''-Detroit Journal
eff l should die rich, I'd leave NV
money to establish a much-needed in
stitution." What is that?" "A dorm.
tory for policemen on night duty
Puck
L hear your son is reading law"
mo, sir. It's a mistake. Nv son is
sitting in the back office, with his feet
on desk, smoking cigarettes. "-Chica-
go Record Herald
Their cooks: Muggins-"My cool,
left because we refused to treat her as
one of the family" Buggins- "Humph!
MY cook expects to be treated as com
pany. '-Philadelphia Record.
kentucky teacher (of infant geogra-
ply Tommy Blood may tell
us what strait is" Tommy Blood
Its jis' tn plain stuff 'thout nothin'
in it."-Ohio State Journal.
How it happened: Judge-'How die
you come to club this man so seyere.pl
ly?" Oficer-"Well, yer honor. he
kept parfictly sthill an wudnt dodge a
single crack Oh made at him. Judge.
Lecturer-"And what man is most
apt to reach that elevation whence the
earth may be viewed as one vast
plain'?" Voice lin the audience)-
"The one that works in powder
mill. Life.
The parting shot: Clara latter a
tiff presume you would like your
ring back?" George Never mind.
keep it. No other girl l know could
use that ring, unless she wore it on her
thumb. It'll Bits.
Scientific and nervous visitor Cat
country hoteD-"I suppose there's no
'ptomaine' in this pie?" Waiter (uuite
equal to the occasion mo. sir. We
never puts that in unless specially or
dered! Punch.
You say your pastor is introducing
novelties into the pulpit?" "Alas,
yesi He has left the well-beaten paths
of politics, society, finance, and vice,
and is introducing discourses on the
Bible and the New Testament Puck.
The friendly shadows of night: Old
Crusteigh-"How did you dare, sir, to
kiss my daughter last night on the
dark piazza?" Young Gayboy-"Gad,
now that I've, seen her by daylight, /
wonder myself. "-December Smart
Set. sd
Judge-"Do you accuse this man of
taking your property?" Band leader
YAH He dake mine moosic roll ven
look away" Judge-"Took you by
surprise, eh?" Band leader-"Yah!
He steal march on me. Chicago
News.
''Wot does it mean?'' asked Penniless
Percival, where de song says. Drink
to me only wit your eyes'?'' cit
means" announced Wise Wilfred, "dat
de loidy kin read de wine list. but OATS
as far as it goes. '-Baltimore Amer
lean.
Remember. Pat, it is the hand that
rocks the cradle that rules a nation"
We'll, begorra. Yez may be roight.
but Dim fer thinkin' mesilf, it's the cart
we've got before ther boss; ut's Their
hand as cradles ther rocks phwot rules
er nation Elk.
At the bargain counter: Charley.
dear" said young Mrs. Torkins, at
have such bargain!" "Indeed?"
Yes; you told me that blue poker
chips were worth a dollar apiece, and
| got whole lot of them for seventy
five cents. "-Washington Evening Star.
But what will you do when all the
vermiform appendices shall have been
removed?" The great surgeon smiled
L was reading only today" he said,
that the stomach may be taken out"
! Without killing the PATIENT" How
funny you are!" exclaimed the great
surgeon, and laughed ight.-LifSA
| The day after Thanksgiving: What
are the probabilities for tomorrow"
asked the star-boarder of the drug
The drug clerk turned to the weather
page, and, seemingly unconscious that
the landlady was behind him, read:
'For tomorrow and Saturday, hash,
followed by turkey-seup and GRO
quotes. Judge.
Hints for an insomniac: If Won
can't get to sleep, count three billions,
/ taking care to pronounce each number
slowly and distinctly. If this does not
prove effective, get out of bed and turn
eighteen handsprings. Observe prop
er regard for the uniformity of the
thing, and see that they are of the
same size and velocity If you still
lind that you are unable to get into the
Land of Nod, take walk around the
/ block, and then, if this means fail, go
and find big man and tell him he lies.
He'll put you to sleep.-Town Topics.
A naval officer now engaged in ord
! nance duty on a home station was