The Savannah morning news., 1902-02-16
Copyright 1902 by Robert Ho-:~rd Russell

l find him fully equipped FIR amy
emergency. He niver misses. TIL covO-
ner follows him like a horse atther a
hay wagon. He's tn man fr tn place,
tn quick dhraMin', readily passionate,
hammerless sun hrin' Terror iv tn
Great Desert"
But tn Sinit didn't approve iv him.
Tn sinitor firm Massachusetts, where
human life is held so cheap that no
wan thinks iv takin it, protested
again him an twas fin'lly discovered
that early in his career he'd been
runnin' off a bunch iY cows an push
ed into Jail, an that was too much fr
tn hon'rable body, hardly wan mimber
iv which has iver been caught. So
they give Jake tn go-by.
But it'll come out all right in tn
end TIL President knows what tn
West wants an he'll get it fsr thin.
TIL West is no effete community,
where tn folks likes a quiet book
keepin' life, an early supper game
iv cards, lock tn windy, wind tn
clock an go to bed. That may do fr
tn East. But in tn West, we demand
Sthrenuse Life an Sudden Death.
Were people out here on tn des'late
plains where tn sun sets pink acrost
tn grey desert an tn scorpion clings
to tn toe. We don't want pianny tun-
ers or plasther saints to govern us.
We want men who go to bed with their
spurs on. an can break a gun without
spilxin their thumbs. Wen have thin
too. Undher precedin' Administrations
tn job wint to tn laads with no more
qualifica tions thin is needed to run a
I dairy lunch Some iv tn bes' places in
tn West is held be tn poorest shots,
While men capable iv tn mos sthrikin
gun plays is left to devote their talents
to private functions. An they call that
tn merit system! l eXpict tn time is
near at hand whin justice Will be done
these worthy citizens. At prisnt whin
a man is needed FIR a goYermint Of
fee, he is called on to set down with
a sheet iv pa-aper an pot iV ink an
say how nanny times eight ana half
will go into a line dhrawn firm tn
base iv tn hypothenoose an il he
makes tn answer bright an readable,
they give him a place administherin'
tn affairs iv a proud people that cud-
dent tell a hypothenoose firm sea-
lion But whin things gets goin' right
undher this administration. tn civil
sarvice commission consistin' iv tn
Hon. Texas Jack, an tn Hon. Bat
Masterson will put tn boys through
an examination thatn bring out all
there is in thin. I'm preparin' pa
aper f'r an examination iv candydates
f'r sup'rintindnt iv tn Smithsonian
First. Describe a roundup.
Second Name five iv tn best
brands (a) cattle, CO. whisky, ye have
used.
Third. Afther maxim cinch, is it
proper FIR to always kick tn critter in
th' stomach or on'y whin ye feel like
it?
Fourth. Undher what circum-
stances shud a Mexican not be shot,
and if so, why?
Fifth. How long shud a tinderfoot
dance befure he is entitled to live?
Sixth Name eighty reasons fr
dhrawin' a gun.
Seventh. State ye'er opinyion iv
sheep men.
Eighth Write brief account iv tn
life an death iv Billy tn Kid.
"Iv coorse, Hinnissy, this is on'y
part iv tn exercise. They'll be prac-
tical tests as well. TIL Eligible list'u
be taken out into th' yard an required
to shoot at movin' an stationary tar
gets, at pedesthreens an horsemen,
firm tn pocket, firm th' hip, over tn
shouldher, firm a window with "a
sawed-off shotgun, an so on. They'll
be required to bust a buckin' bronc.
cut out a steer firm tn herd without
stampedin' tn rest, lassoo movin' OBJ