Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-03-29
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

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A UNIVERSAL ERROR.
Now here's thing that puzzles me;
A grave mistake it seems to he:
Why do we say our years are spent,
When part OF every year is Lentf
Carolyn Wells in Smart Sc.
IF you only had your place for three
days, Bridget, what makes you think the
lady was pleased with yOu!"
Because she said she was pleased
when l left, ma am. ''-Yonkers States
man.
Not Much Longer.-"S Speaking of Sec
rotary Long" began Dinwiddie. He
has resigned" cut in Van Braam. Yes
/ was about to say that Secretary Long
won't be secretary long. f-Pittsburg
Chronicle.
A Fighting jury Western Judge
HAS the jury come to an agreement"
Foreman with broken nose and black
eyeD-'I don't know, yer honor. Most
of them are unable to speak at pres
ent. Smart Set.
The Mother-"Uncle Charles asked the
baby what kind of eyes it had
The Father--"Just as if the dear little
thing could tell him."
well, she did; she said Goo, GOO =
Deadbroke-"Can't you lend me ten,
old chapF
Gayboy-"Can do it,"
Deadbroke-"Oh. come, now; don't you
know you should give up something in
Lent|'-Town Topics.
A conductor said in tone of great
severity to a passenger who was making
considerable disturbance on a car:
Remember, sir, that you are ON pub
lie vehicle. and you must behave as
such''-Lippincott's Magazine.
Literally True-...Th' mon thot Oh mar
lint? Thin lit me till yez that thor wor
a tonne when Oi stood phcre tn shots
wor thickest." AVN whin wor that,
Paddy 'WhIn Oh wurked in tn shot
tower. Elk.
It's too bad about those crulleTs you
made" said the new husband, sadly.
"WhyY asked his wife, quickly.
We'll" replied the husband. they're
too rich to eat. too heavy for life-pre-
servers and too small for quoits. Ohio
State journal.
Not Even What Hit Him.-Morrell-
well we always learn by experience
Worrell-"Not always. There was the
experience of that careless lahorcr who
smoked his pipe over a kcg of powder.
lie hasn't learned anything since -
Philadelphia Press.
Farmer Prymm lin city theaterl. -"Bet-
ter take off yer hat. Sary: all the other
wlmin folks has theirs off" His Wife
Let them, the brazen things! Nobodyll
ever have a chance TO say tibet I'd do
anything in show place tibet | wouldn't
do in church. Brooklyn Life.
A great scheme. Manager Joltum
has great scheme for bringing about n
theater REFORM "?i?g.1s:GSig Yep. he.
ssss''vax g Isl ,cafaFs
FEARING this notice. All Except Bald
Headed Ladies Will Kindly Remove
Their Hats. Baltimore News
The book of snobs.-~First Swell (pre-
tending to mistake for a waiter a rival
whom he sees standing in dress
cothes at the cloakroom of the the
ater)~-"Ah, have you programme 2"
Second Swell (up to snuffl-"T Thanks, my
man; l got one from the other fellow"
Elk
A lawyer who met Thomas r. Reed,
the other day, remarked: Mr.. Reed,
does It not seem TO you that the disci-
pline inflicted ON Tilman and McLaurin
for their breaches of propnety was rath-
er ight?" ooh, no. drawled the eN-
speaker; sit is the heaviest that could he
imposed on Il senator-siencc.
a Temperance Story.-"You seem ra-
ther hilarious today the lathe remarked
to the huZzsaw.
YES" replied the huzzsaw, The man
who runs me brought some whisky into
the shop with him a little while ago
"WellT'
well, l took two or three fingers at
his expense. '-Philadelphia Press.
Uncle George--"The professor must he
n very learned man. He understands all
the spoken languages and several that
are no longer spoken.
in a sort of way. But | was talking with
him t'other day and found him wofully
ignorant about baseball and bridge
whist. '-Boston Transcript.
NATURALLY.
lie ate a tabloid breakfast;
He ate a tabloid lunch;
He took n tabloid tonic
And drank n tabloid punch.
lie was tabloid thinker,
AS any one could see
And so they paid him only
\ tabloid salary
st. Louis PostDispatch.
Effective Discipline said
Gttle Dorothy as she rubbed her stomach
oaressingy with her left hand while with
her right she shoveled her dessert most
industriously into her mouth. mamma,
do you know what makes this blame
mango and cream SO awfuily, awfully
good?" mo. daughter, do your Yes.
course | do; because it's been whipped!
New York Commercial.
A Horse that Lawton Rode.
When the news of Gen. Lawton's
death reached Nigau. large town on
the west coast of Luzon, the boys of
the Third cavalry stationed there felt
more deeply about it than the infantry
companirs of the garrison, for they had
served under him. and they found n way