The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1902-05-24
THAT REMINDS NE

He-so you won't kiss and make up?
Shc-Well / won't make up.-Llie
o
Teacher-Where was the Declaration OF
independence signed?
Dot-On the table.-Chicago Tribune.
And 50 they have made up their quar-
aoh. yes. As soon as she saw she was
wrong she concluded to accept his apol-
gy.''-Puck.
We'll. all the scholars can't be first,
"oh. no. only one can be first, and
the others can make believe they don t
The Dad-I trust you haven't contracted
debts at college my son.
The Son-They are scarcely contracted
| father.-Harvard Lampoon.
she-I want you TO see my new piano
the next time you call.
| He-When do You expect to get 1t?
She-Oh, in about six months.-Cnlcago
Daily News.
visitor-Lady Evelyn tells me, Danl,
| that you have had four wives.
| Dan'l (proudy)-Ess EUR, 1 'ave-an'
what's more, two of EN- was good 'uns!-
| Punch.
| .
Customer to PaImist.-Five dollars fee?
Er--would you have any objection to
waiting until 1 get some of the money
you say is coming to me?-Brooklyn Life
Z! %
| Jane-Judy had to go back to the res
Kate-what for?
round telling everybody how much good
it did her.-Detroit Free Press.
Hes a very, fast young man"
Evidently you don't know how he
"Well, | know how he returns what he
borrows. '-Philadelph Press.
o.
You frankly confess that your novel
failed because of lack of literary skill?"
II do" answered the author. The man
who wrote the advertisements was no
good. Washington Star.
Blowhard-My ancestors had blue blood
in their veins.
Biffer-Too bad! suppose there
weren't so many blood purifiers on the
market in those days as there are now
Ohio State Journal.
,Diggs-say, 1 thought y you always
Biggs-You have said it.
Diggs-Then how do you explain the
fact that you were called to serve on a
jury last week?-Chicago Daily News.
Boggs-so you're a poet, eh? Dye know
I'm gettin' so l take quite an interest in
poetry.
The Poet-Indeed!
Boggs-Yes, there amt nothin' l enjoy
more than readin' them advertisements
in the street cars.-Philadelphia Press.
%
What are those, mammal asked the
little girl as they stopped before stall
!" "H fIS my dear responded
the stately woman with the basket.
"Oh! And are the little ones eoltrad-
ishes NAMING? '-Chicago Daily News.
'"These fashions said the Bilville mat
rom air mighty hard to folleri
"Why, what's the trouble now?'
James got a new muslin an lowered
caliker, an 20 save me L don't know
which one she orter wear to the hangin'!''
Atlanta Constitution
Like Stealing the Money.-First Artist
A Mr.. Struckoyle offered Dobley a thou
sand dollars for his picture yesterday
Second Artist-And didn't he grab it?
First Artist-No; he said he wanted
time to consider.
trouble him like thati-Punch. !
Mrs. Hickey (who is entertaining her
little sons playmateS aged ., to dlnner)-
Willie. can you cut your own meat?
Willie (who is strl ggling with a piece !
on his plate)-Yes, thank you with |
desperate saw at the beef. I've cut quite
as tough meat as this at home.-Glasgow
Evening Times
Neighbours Boy-Ma said. she'd lick me
if I didn't ask your forgiveness she IS
me from they window, so out
with it, or I'll thump YOU when L eaten
Our Boy-well, I'll forgive you till my
big brother gets home. and then of you
know when you're well off you stay
mighty close to your own house'-Iit-
Bits.
Judge-You are charged, with the muir
Ter of this man. one who was one OIL your
most intimate friends. lf,aVe you any
Prfsoner-You see, it was this way. your
honor He had been to VaudevlIie
show, and he was about to tell me some
If the Jokes he heard 9,ds there here bava
riend who frequents the vaudeyllle
houses. Come and see me; come as often
IS YOU can.-Boston Transcript
THE WOODS OF PENN
In Philadelphia kiihdergarten
aacher was telling the little children |
bout a clock Now, this, she said, rs
he pendulum-this thing that swings
Jack and forth Did any of you ever hear
he word .nendulum' before?' A child
,',t IN her hand. YES, TEACHER" she {
aid Pendulum Franklin. We heard II
ften.'
% I
SOME COMPLETE PROVERBS.
'SyVbat costs nothing isl worth moth
ng," which is also true of much winch
osts much. a.. :. :
s,,a1IY Killed bv its mother Yin infancy. I
2 beware Of the widdetr," but still i
nore of the ingenue. q
T. Opportunity knocks once-at every
,an's door" but often makes sure the
nan is out before knockingi. ~ Ia
8 Mans greatest strength is shown IL
l standing STILL and letting others hus- I
lie for him.
G. Everything comes to the man who
ats" except that for (which he waits.
/. ''The exception proves the rule we
s. Virtue is its ownI and only IRE Z
ard. IL. de V. MattIhewman, in the 5
lay Era.
A GOOD MARGIN.
Don't YOU find it very trying" she I
sked the great man. ITO have to furnish '
our AUTOGRAPH to SO many persistent
eople?" {
md stamps. and l return the autograph 1
! a postal card "-Chicago Record Her. A
d.
CONGRESSIONAL AMENITIES.
In discussing appropriations for the de- Z
lrtuent of agriculture the other day, a !