Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1902-02-07
A DARkEY'S PHILOSOPHY.
he EnIishtens Our Old Reporter on Ssvera
Points.

A OARkEY'S PHILOSOPHY.
He EnIishtens Our Old Reporter on Several
The Old Reporter was sitting with
his feet on the desk the other day,
waiting for an item to he waited in,
when an old-time Southern darkey
cast a shadow across the threshold,
with a cordial
Mornin, massa. Can you tell me
whar l kin fin dat Gross obstructin'
comply. sah?"
"Goss Construction Company, you
mean," said l, "what do you want
with them?"
We'll, sab, 1 wants to get de job of
film TO- 'em."
Filing" said I, what in the world
do they want filler for?"
Vas, sir, boss you see dey's allus a
film objections an as Use been film
saws all my life, l kinder like to get
de job. golly! l done gone to de
funnies meeting las Sunday night.
One of desc sassietys what has hole
alfabit to it Y. p. S. C. E X. Y; sum-
pin about young people yo' know.
Well, dere wuz young kid dere about
80 years old, endeverin' to make n
speech, and den another young kid a
little older, say about GO, he waltzed
around and he did every lastin'ly paw
de air. l tell you, boss. dat youngstcr
done goin' to make a norator if he
keeps on and dere was another great
big kid, not so old as de other; he did
purity nice. Den some more kids
sang quart or two, and dey did it all
right. shore enuf; but what Use puz-
zled about ia, if desc fust kids was
young folks, how young was de young
folks dat sung? And den, boss. if de
young peoples are running dis alfabet-
icle sassiety, where do de ole folks
come from to run de church? But de
cutest trick seed preacher do was
down here in dis here one. hOss town
dey call Ticomy. Dat preacher, he
jist got up and done took his tex and
den he let in and never LOOK at his
notes, nor nothin. He Jest preach q
temporary sermont, but l motifs dat he
keep rollin' his eyse up to de sealin'
all de time he was preachin, jes' like a
rabbit wen you hits him sudden like
hind de ears. Well, boss; hope I'll
never die If dat man didn't have his
sermont up dere on dat sealin' sort a
small like, and ever time he'd roll his
eyes wild dat heavenly Pm gwine-to-
die-and.go-right-to-h heaven in two min
utes look, he'd get piece Oh dat SER
mont, enough to last him till he'd
take another eye-ball dance. Fac, by
hockey.
"Isee good ole Missus Stuart has done
gone; quit collectin' rent and interest
and gone to q land flowing wild milk
an honey. Day say she started de
Women's Clubs, in dis yere State; but
it'll take more den a woman's club TO
knock out dat TELLER on de ole white
boss; hut dat amt what I'se gwine ter
say. What I'se gwine ter say is dat
one little pickinniny is worth more
dan all the clubs on dis yere yearth.
Ak ole Mrs. 1inkum what would you
rather be. de nanny OBJ old Abe, dc
'mancipator, or de Preserdent of Soro-
sis? What you spose she'd sayi An
when James turned around dere an
kissed nanny Garfield. arter dey
swore him in a. Preserdent, ak her
how many of dem clubs she done take
for little Jimmie. No, sab; dere is
nothin beats chile fer doin' honor to
woman. He jus goes a rompin'
down de hillside OBJ time clear along
de road to 'ternity, and dere she'll cotch
him up, and say we'll dis shore beats
me, dats what. De wimmuns clubs is
all right, but de best club in des
world is one where ole Miss Nanny is
president. and Mr.. Daddy is vice presi.
dent, and a bakers dozen or two OF
chillens makes up the rest OF de club"
"Well, Uncle, you seem to be sort
OF a philosopher" said I.
"'Scuse me, sab! But don't you
Uncle me. Sence Mr.. Booker WASH
ington done eat with de White House,
it's gone out OF style. But dat is get
tin to be de dryest old Booker ever
read bout. Dey oughter let dat Mig
ger alone now; don't yer know dat he
couldn't eat any dinner wild dem
white folkes, an dere he sot wild an
appetite like an OK and stomach like
er elephant, and eaten like q canary.
Shore boss, dat niger suffered, 'cose 1
bin dere myself.
"S&y, what is desc fool papers hit.
tim Mr.. Henry for, in dat mileage. 1
reckon dey don't know nothin bout
de poets lisens. Now its dis way:
District 3 is just miles ten
And den 10 miles hack ageu.
Now district is miles from s
De shortes way roun jest suits me
An dat makes jus - from town.
To de short road ID % miles aroun'
At 10 cents each, miles is awful short
And q poeticle count ID just my sort.
"But what's de use economizin no.
how-dese fool Poperlists got inter
offs an cut salaries aud saved heaps
OBJ money, an didn't dey get it in the
neck? Vas, sab dis State amt gwine
to STAN no little pickaninish nom
sense. Spend de money boss dats de
way to get sOlid wild de boys.
BOSS, you got good schools in dis
yere town. Dey don't keep the kids
down to lessons in de books but keeps
EN- diggin' to find ont some larnin'
some OF de questions de big folks can't
anser. Desc ar sum oh dem:
"Whos de president Oh do United
States Steel Trustr
"Who pays de depositors when a
bank busts?'
"Who struck lie in California;
"Who struck Billy Patterson?
"If a 100000 gift TO Chicago
university raises de price of coal-ile 2
cents gallon, how much will $685..
000, 900 gift hist itr
"What do you know about John
Smith,
"It's de way TO give de youngsters
broader education. Say, boss. can't
you loan me two bits while yose
workin' out de ansers? No; awful