Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1902-07-19
UNCLE'S DIFFICULTY

\
NO, YEARLY remarked the slightly bald
young man. "I donftobelieve FL take any
OF my sisters youfigs'one down the river
for quite spell to come-not, at any rate,
unless I've got two or three relentless,
aole-bodied cops along to help me out.
It's TOO unnerving,f taking a young one
down the river is. How these mothers of
four or five contrive to get away with the
JOB OF taking EN- all down the river and
living through the experience is too much
for me- vg,e
dropped In at my sisters on Sunday
AFTERNOON last, and found her suffering
from bad headache Her youngest boy,
q hio OF about four wasn't helping her
,ieaoacne any by romping around the house
tihe q sun-dancing Indian, and, as my sis
yer husband Is out Of town on business, I
Volunteered to take the tad out of the
mousse ana down the river with me, SOS to
e I'VE .hat neanache a chance to depart My
s sn En- was grateful for the suggestion. and
50 the youngster was all prettied up in
starched togs, and off we started
Inc nrst scare I got was when we
D0arded the car to go down to the wharf.
Wnen pulled the nickel out of my pocket
lor Iare, the tad spotted 1t instantly and
demanded 1.-THE wanted to give It to the
conuuctor himself. I let him have 1t, and
ABOUT nalr second later he had stuck it
IN ms mouth while I was looking the other
ostSiitiOH was attracted TO MIN
by his violent gasping. and when I turned
u MN round his face as white as chalk.
lie was choking as If he'd swallowed four
or nve shark bones. and then I knew that
ne got tnat nicked tied up in him some
where. I didn't exactly know what to do
with Kids that had slowed nickels away in
that manner. but executed a careful imi-
tatlon OF what I'd seen my sister do when
Ills same ooy had swallowed things before
.tnat Is, l whacked him on his back with
al my might. 1t went all right. He CUR
gied up the nickel with a grin, Just as If
IIousning up hve-cent pieces was fun for
the trip.
When we got aboard the boat, though.
that TAD began to get buster than any small
BOY I've ever seen before or since. He lit
crazy era got to monkeying with the band
Tor the first thing. The flute player had
carelessly rested his instrument on the
camp stool alongside Of him during an in
terVai between pieces, and 1t didn't take
TINS KID more than eighth Of a second
10 1urtlVe1y swipe that flute. l saw him
from some distance away - of course I
couiont get him to sit still alongside Of
ne-and ! only got to him by sort of
nose nnish In time to keep him from in
continently chucking the flute into the Po-
tomac.
yanked him back to the seat that I
mad liked for him. and as 1 did so I heard
a lol OF ldiotic women saying to each other,
LOOK now brutally that man is treating
that dear little boy 1 told the youngster
10 SIT alongside of me and be still, or I'd
reed him to the fishes. but I've been cod
u ulins tnat KID SO much ever since he was
porn that he's got no more use for anything
.nat say than have for certain congress
slonal oratory. 1 hadn't turned my head
oetore he had sneaked away from my side
ana climbed over the rail into one Of the
NE boats. He was just about to balance
himself on the outer gun'l of the life boat
sos he could hang from the same by his
hands when [ nailed him. 1t made the
nP - .;x.I-
had got to a watery grave and / had a
mental picture of what there'd be doing if
l had to go back to my sisters and tell her
lnat her anger BOY was no more. So I
plunked him down on the camp stool with
thud this time. and again the imbecie
women in my neighborhood muttered The
brute In an underline that they meant me
to hear all right.
HE was pretty Quiet for all of two min
utes. and then certain recollections of
luncheon delicacies that he had enjoyed
from his mothers basket a previous trip
down the river crossed his rnind These
delicacies consisted of "a combination Of
pickles and cake. He demanded pickles and
cake, and real quick. told him that / was
some shy on pickles and cake, and then he
began to rub his knuckles into his eyes
and L could see some blubbering ahead. So
1 raced over to the stand and bought him
pan Of popcorn to appease his appetite
until We should each the resort whittier
We were bound The popcorn tagged the
weeps for a while bat when he had pol
ished it off couldn't have eaten 1t in
week-and his face looked like large sec
ton of fly paper. his mind again reverted
to cake and pickles. and he began to do the
knuckle stunt some more, l didn't want to
fill him up before l gave him his dinner at
the resort, so l raced down to the bar to
get him bottle of pop, to see If that nd
do him any good. When l got back with
the bottle of pop 1 found that he had got
himself some disliked for rubbing his
sticky, popcorny hands on the light trous-
orc of toe
him. 1 managed to square this and gave
the kid the pop. He got away with that,
and then began to hunt through my pock-
cts for match. SOS I could have a smoke
Couldn't find a match and had to go in
search of one. When I returned l found
that my cute little nephew was amusing
himself a-plenty. He had Skinned up a
stanchion and was diverting himself by
trying to kick the bonnet off the head Of
an elderly lady who sat beneath the stanch-
ion. corralled him and squatted him
again with thud-the chorus Of sympa-
thetic women again murmuring SOS could
hear them, Isn't that man the brutalest
ever. thought
II unfolded morning paper for half a
minute and that gave him his secretly
longed-for chance to slip away and climb
the ladder leading to the hurricane deck.
1 missed him suddenly. and looked around
in alarm. when somebody pointed to the
upper deck. I chased UP there, and found
him standing on top Of the rail. trying
to see how nearly he could come to walk
ing 1t without actually falling into the
water. / didn't dare to cry out for fear
he'd go over the SIDE but 1 sneaked up
behind him and grabbed him just as he
had made a misstep and was due to topple
into the river. Just then the whistle
sounded, and he demanded that fix things
sos he could play with the whistle
himself Upon my decination. he wept
grievously. and l had to get him a large
stick of peppermint candy to assuage his
sorrow BY the time he got through with
that red-colored candy his nice little
starched glad rags were a holy show and
his face looked like he'd painted it for an
Apache war dance.
but all this was nothing to the game
I had with him when I got him ashore l
bought him a regular dinner, but there
was nothing doing in that line for him.
He wanted cake and pudding right off the
bat. and you can bet that I got cake and
pudding for him. too An he had to do
to enforce his demands was to knuckle
at his eyes, and 1 was there with the
goods Then he wanted to shoot the chute
all by his lonesome-didn't want me around
at all to hamper his fun during the swift
ride. I had to veto this. and then he de-
manded that / swing him in one of the big
wooden swings. BY the time got through
with three-quarters of an hour of that I