Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-11-07

tnOuSnl ne nau MS eyes ON tue eStdte.
Harvard Lampoon.
Subbubs-Why are you sneaking into
the house so quietly? Commute -Sh-h!
The cook has company. and I do not
wish to disturb them.
81 can safely say that no man ever
attempted to bribe me. gentlemen"
Don't be down-hearted. old chap:
your luck may change"
Citiman-I see you raise your own
vegetables. Suburbanite-No! I sim
ply plant small garden so as to keep
the chickens at home.-Life.
The Lawyer-I really hope don't
annoy you with all these questions.
His Fair Client-Not at all. I'm used
to it. have a 6-year-old son.
Hell fancy men believe in friend
ship rather more than women do. She
Possibly, but the great trouble Is It's
generally their own friendship they be-
lieve in.
Wiseum-Honestly, now, did you
learn anything while you were in col
lege? Graduate-Um-m-wel 1 learn
ed how to state my ignorance in scien-
tific terms.
"Is your family fond Of cereals, Mr..
Jumpupw "Oh, very! we're reading
several in the Parlor Portfolio now.
and can't hardly wait from week to
ek."-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Cassidy-Shtop kickin' about yer
hard luck, man! Some mornin' yen
wake up an find yersep famous.
Casey-Faith, ON bet We whin that
mornin' comes twill be me luck to
overslape mesep.
Mrs. Hiram Offen-I hope you wash
ed the fish thoroughly before you put
in on the broiler. Della. Delia-Shure,
Hasn't it been livin' in the water all it's
loife? e?-Philadelphia Press.
"Oh, well, my DEAR" observed he to
his wife, you will find that there are
a great many worse men in the world
than I am" "How can you be SO
cynical, John?" replied his wife re-
roachfully.-Syracuse Herald.
Silas-So Zeke won't have anything
but first-class literature? Cyrus-No.
| Why, he wouldn't even subscribe to q
magazine because he saw Entered as
second-class natter. on the front
page"
Superintendent is our usual GUS
tom to let prisoner work at the same
trade in here as he did outside. Now,
what is your trade? Shoemaker,
blacksmith or - please, sir, was
a travelling salesman"
Constance-I am going out in Algy's
launch. Penelope-But naphtha launch
know it. But Algy gave me the choice
of either going out with him on his
naphtha launch or his sailboat
81 see a crank out West announces
his invention of a 'theater hat for la
dies that will shut up when the cur
| tain rises" "If he'd only invent a
box party that would do that he'd de-
serve a medal" al."-Philadelphia Press.
"Here's a letter from Mirandy at COL
lege. She says she's in love with Ping
Pong" "She is, hey? Well, she'd bet
ter give him up. We amt goin' ter
stand fer no Chinaman marrying inter
this family.''-Woman's Home Com
panion.
| Mr.. Skinner-You'u have to wait q,
while for your wages this week. T
can't pay you to-day. Clerk-See here,
now, that won't do, sir. I've got to
live, you know. Mr.. Skinner-Non-
sense! What put that idea into your
head.-Chicago Tribune.
| Lady Ito furniture clerk)-I like the
Louis XIV. and the Louis XVI. designs
| equally we'll 1t wouldn't do. sup
pose. to have both chairs in the par
Ior? Clerk-Oh, yes, madam: they
would harmonize wen-onfy two years
difference, you see.-Judge.
Teacher Ito class In geography
And who knows what the people who
live in Turkey are called? Class (unan-
imously)-Turks! Teacher-Right- Now,
who can tell me what those living In
Austria are called. Little Boy-Please,
mum, know. Ostriches!-Judge.
Hasty Harry-W'at youse fishtn'
here widout any bait for? Don't youse
know dat fish won't eat bare hook
Strenuous Stove (scornfully)-W'at!
Don't youse see dat If de fish don't
bite 1 amt got to 60 to de trouble O
takin' 'em off'n d. hook. Where's yez
perfeshional instinct9
"Oh, maw," said the 10-year-old
hopeful, do you see how wet my
clothes are?" Eyes, young man"
spoke mamma, sternly, "and you have
been in swimming" mo, nav"
'"Then how did you get wet?" why.
some boys wanted me to go In swim
ming, and ran away so fast I per
spired."
young man." said the Irish magis-
trate, as a youthful prisoner was
brought before him. 81 would advise
YOU to make full confession If you
want to get off with light sentence p
"And if l don't confess, then what?'
asked the young man. "Oh, In that
event." replied the magistrate. 81 shall
probably have to acquit you for want
Of evidence"
The First-Born: eyes, it took my
wife and me and my mother and my
wife's mother and two sisters and an
old aunt of mine and half dozen Of
our cousins to pull our first baby
through till it was years old" "And
did the little one become stronger by
that timer? "No, we had another by
that time, and came out Of the dream"
Chicago Record-Herald.