Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-24
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"Can she remember what happened
on her twenty-sixth birthday" Eyes,
she was just eighteen."-Yonkers
Statesman.
Judge-I see that Willie Swellton has
given up automobiling. FudgAWhen
will the funeral take place?-Baltimore
Morning Herald.
Gladys-That poor young Snobleigh
actually dared to kiss me! What could
he have been thinking Of? Ethel-His
debts, probobly."-Puc
do you believe that the rain falls
alike on the just and unjust?" Not
bit Of It, The unjust have the UNI
as."-Detroit Free Press.
Bachley-Why is woman like time?
Benedict-Because she never fails to
get her man in the end? Bachley-
No, because she reveals all things.
A harasslng doubt: ooh. maggie. If
could only make myself believe dat
he loves me for myself, an not because
me mudder keeps er fruit stand!'-Ba-
Ear.
II wonder how Venus de Milo came
to lose her arms" Broke 'em off,
probably, trying to button her shirt
waist up the back. "-Philadelphi
Press.
In cemetery at Middlebury, VT, is
ing husband. bearing this inscription.
REST in peace-until we meet again"
Life.
"What has made her so naughty and
proud" "She thinks she's Daugh-
ter Of the Revolution" How is that?'
'She went round in the Ferris wheel"
Chicago Evening Post.
Jaspar-What are you looking so an.
noyed about? Mrs. Jaspar-I expected
days rest, and didn't get it. This is
the cooks day out, but she insisted in
staying at home.-Judge.
First Belgian Hare-We aren't in it
these days. We're forgotten. What
can we do about it? Second Belgian
Hare-We'd better try some good hare
restorer.-Chicago Daily News.
Bizzer-It makes my wife angry
when refuse to let her have the last
word In an argument. Buzzer-Why
don't you let her have the last word?
Bizzer-Well, then she says am afraid
to argue with her.
Kind Lady-Would you like a stick
Of candy little boy? Chimmie-Nit!
I'm in trainin' ter lick Mickey Welsh
mex week; but If yer want ter blow
yerself to a t'ree-pound porterhouse.
wy. I'm on.-Judge.
"See here" protested the charitable
man. you touched me for quarter
last week, and here you are again"
"Well, gee whizz" EXCLAIMED the beg
gar, "ain't you earned anything since"
philadelphia Press.
How do you like my racing auto
mobile?" asked the young chauffeur;
don't you think it Is hobby? l think
it is perfectly killing" responded the
friend, who knew thing or two about
the machines record.
Borem-I'm something Of mind
reader. Miss differentiated! Borem
Yes; can usually tell at glance
what person thinks of me. Miss Hit
tem-Wonderful! But don't you find it
awfully embarrassing?
He-Yes, he was great aeronaut.
They say he made nearly hundred
ascensions, and the only accident he
ever had was the one that proved fatal.
She-Really? And on which Of the as
tensions did that occur?
Brdget-Oi can't stay, ma'am, onless
We give me more wages. Mrs. Hiram
Often--What! Why, you don't know
how to cook or do hOusework at all.
Bridget-That's just 1t, ma'am, an not
KNOWN how, sure the wurk Is all the
harder for me, ma'am.-Philadelphia
Press.
WELL" said the lady who was en-.
deavoring to give the widow consola.
ton OH the way home from the ceme-
terry, 1.-The worst Is over now" "I'm
afraid not" answered the afflicted one:
1.-THE lawyer says there's bad flaw in
one of the insurance policies. "-Chicago
Record Herald.
Tess-He used to take me to the
theater every other evening or so, but
one evening when we were sitting in
the parlor. foolishly allowed him to
kiss me. Jess-What has that got to
do with the theater? Tess-Well. now
he wants to sit in the parlor all the
time.-Philadelphia Press.
An Extremist: rs Mr.. Fuse much
afraid Of microbes?" "Well l should
say; he washes the antiseptic gauze
gloves he wears in an intiseptic fluid
before he even handles the sterilized
glass that contains the boiled and i'll
tered mineral water he intends to
drink!"-BaltimOre Herald.
Mr.. Morris Fairarmour (of Chicago,
angrily)-What do you take me fora
savage? I'm paying enough for this
steak to have 1t cooked. guess. Take
it back and have it well done. The
Waiter-Beg pardon, sir, but that will
be fifty cents extra. Mr. Morris Fair
armour-What? You robber! What's
that for? The Waiter-We burn coal,
you know.-Town Topics.
"In connizance oh de fac dat to-mor-