Waterbury Democrat., 1902-12-06


 hurriedly going down the first flight up :n the ladies' underwear depart ment, and rushing at the dapper young salesman, who was flirting with young woman in a red waist, he made known his wants.
 ssI want some medium bright tur- keys, and canvas and mazarine blue hooks and eyes, and humps, and some black ladies' stockings, No. 1411a, with rubber heels. And salt cellars, dozen of lem. By love, I'll have enough of 'e4n this time"
 ssThis is the ladies underwear de- partmtnt,' Z said the clerk, show you some corsets for 59 cents, marked down from 60 cents. [
 ssWhat in the name of old Harry do you suppose want of corsets? What do care what they're marked down from? Good Lord! what a pack of dumb fools there is in this store! I'm after salt cellars, and ,"
 s"The salt cellars are in the basement fourth section from the front--take the eleyator.'' said the clerk, and then he sInirked at the young lady and re marked, Another fool of a husband shopping for his wife
 "Where's the turkeys and the Prus- sian blue?'' roared Mr. Hunt.
 s'We don't carry paints in stock" said the clerk 'Go to Mulligan's. on Devon street."
 Mr Hunt rushed to the stairway, down which he tumbled two steps at time and landed in corner where apparently all things came to an end in large apartment filled with we'll dressed ladies with very slim waists. and very red cheeks. He rushed Up to a tall, imposing specimen in a faring red cape.
 s'Can you tell me, madam said he. 'swhere I can find the cream jars. and the Henriettas, and the stockings for. black ladies, number fourteen and a-half, with no toe nails ?''
 ssGood Lord!" cried a dapper little clerk in spectacles. tits an escaped <lunatic, and he's talking to dummy! Dear me, we shall all be murdered and assassinated in our beds!"
 My good man. said the fioor-wall1 CT, rising to the occasion like hero, "come with me. Come right along with me-anything to keep him quiet ? he said, in whisper, aside to the clerk, .'it don't do to excite 'em-come right along with me. No trouble at all right this, way" and he took Mr.. Hunt by the arm and led him along to- ward the rear of the store, where two burly policemen were standing.
 t'Let go of my arm, you laundering little dude you!' cried MT. Hunt, wrenehing himself free. q may be green in blasted dry goods empori- um. but I don't need any little bantam rooster to lead me round! I'm look ing for Prussianblue, and fourteen and a-half needles, and some canvas-toed shoes, and"
 "Officer, you'llshave to take this poor, fellow in charge" said the man who was conveying MT. Hunt. "He is prob ably an escaped lunatic. He has been cavorting around this store for the past half hour, and he's as mad as a March hare!'
 ssYou'd better keep your hands off from me-" said MT. Hunt, warningly. "I'm a peaceful citizen looking for red turkeys, and Henriettas with blue cam brics, and hump-eyed hooks number fourteen and a-half, and salt cellars, and mazarine blue
 ssGood Lord, Jim,' said one of the policemen to the other, "I do believe the fellows trying to do some shop ping for his wife!"
 ssYou've hit the nail square on the head, captain said MT. Hunt, trying to is the very word. I haven't bought a thing yet. And I'll be everla stingly iiggered if can see how it is that women stand it, and how they ever manage to find anything beats me! Yes, I've been trying to do some shop ping for Polly. I'm wet with perspira- tion, and I'm tired as fox hound r
 ssMy good man. said the policeman. 'sI'm a married man. My wife's name is Betsy. I know just how it is. for I've been there. No matter what you've done. you're excusable.'
 tsBut what am to tell Polly p asked Mr Hunt, wiping his hot forehead
 .Go home and tell her that ou clean forgot all about it,,'' said the friendly lOA M J Ou3 M she probably knows that no man can go shopping, and she'll come herself. Trust woman for that.'
 Hunt wrung the mans hand, and took the. train for home, sadder and wiser man.
 By Jove!' said he, as he put his 1atchkey in the door, "I'll never brag about, my shopping qualities again. Polly, dear,'' and he kissed her fondly ssI know you'll feel awful aggravated with me. but you're little errands slipped entirely out of my mind. Busi- ness was unusually pressing. Here is little money, and you can go in your self in the morning
 < Polly, as she crushed the S20-bill in her hand, remarked:
 "Oh, James, I am so glad, after all, that you didn't think of my errands, for you'd have been sure to have made R mess of them. Men always do."
 And though she shrewdly. guessed that he had tried and failed, she was generous enough not to say so.-Peo- pIe's Home Journal.