The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1902-11-17
TOGETHER WITH The 1WO.HEADED CALF
By CALEB BROWN

score. But the offers of marriage didn't
accompany them. In her secret heart
the widow had determined that that calf
sAould bring her husband. Being a two
headed calf, he ought to bring her two
offers, and she would take her choice
fedolers. nghtning-rod men, sewing ma
ch1ne agents and prospectors for natural
gas looked over the fence at that calf and
onered a price, but their figures were not
accepted. Purchasing agents for side
SHOWS, museums and circuses viewed the
curiosity from every side and made liberal
oHers, out went away disappointed. Mona
OF them had the good luck to discover that
the widow and the calf were one and indf-
visible. that where the two heads went
the widows hand and heart followed ~
any OF them had a dim suspicion. he was
barred out by having wife already ON his
hands.
But at the end of four weeks tbers
came solemn-faced man. The widow.
heart had begun to f1utter with expecta.
ton when the stranger observed:
My good woman, 1t may not be I'm.
known to you that a campmeeting ia re-
be held in Hickory grove, four miles away
next month. To be a success a camn-
meeting must have no competition. no
rival. In this instance it is the general
FEELING that should your two-headed calf
continue on exhibition our labors in the
vineyard will be brought to naught. In
other words idle curiosity will outweigh
the services Of the Lords servants
and what do you want me to dog,
asked the widow.
Either sell the calf or temporarily re-
move it to some distant locality
iii never do it," she bluntIy replied az
she swiftly realized the dangers that
lurked In an interruption Of the program.
. The calf remained, and the camp-meet-
n0Sfn0na6 to
occasion. That meant to date when
tWo-headed calves were no more in Syca-
more county. The living curiosity was
born In May, and September had come and
the heart Of Widow Thompson was weary
with waiting. There had been cash offers
galore, but no one had asked for the com
bination of calf and hand. He comefh
not" sighed the widow as she put her
pies in the oven to bake, and I'm burned
if he does" added Job as he dug Early
Rose potatoes in the field.
But he was coming, and one day he
arrived. He didn't even ask after the
two-headed calf, although he probably
knew that it was we'll and thriving. He
sat himself down in the house and talked
to the widow, and this is the way he
talked:
II am lone man. I have been lone
man ever since my wife died. She was
the Wild Woman Of Borneo, and I loved
her from the bottom Of my heart. I. as
her husband and the proprietor Of Ok
ford's Wonderful Aggregation of Living
Curosities. delivered the hourly lectures
before her cage. When she had been laid
away, I might have taken the Japan
Giantess to my bosom. but could not love
her. I might have welded Nine. Gossard,
the snake char1ner, but there was no af-
finity. I could have talked love to Zi-Zi,
the tight rope performer and cannon ball
tosser but my heart was weary. I have
carried my burden for years. | have
looked for one to love, but looked in vain
until this hour. Widow Thompson. fate
has brought us together. I am worth
$4,000 and am hustler. You are the
owner of a two-headed calf and loving
heart Shall we bring about a combina-
ton and travel LIES road together and
smash all rival exhibitions? Don't answer
me right off quick. Take two minutes to
think it over, while I make a note Of the
fact that my Cannibal Man from the Zulu
islands must gnaw the bones closer with
his beef
The widow took two minutes and then
replied. and that evening. after she had
had a talk with Job, that hired man went
out and kicked himself around the barn
yard and exclaimed:
''Durn all fool widders and two-headed
calves! I've got to look for another 1ob!'