Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1902-05-15
The Philosopher
i'm the Fog.



THE Philosopher spread himself
1 with an airo of singular cheerfulness
as he breasted the fog. The condi-
ions surrounding him were precisely
of a character to furnish a very salts
factory test of the philosophy of
which it was his boast to profess. and
the discomfort of the moment affect
ed him only in so far as it enabled
him to rise superior to it. He moved
through an opaque, yellow-white
world of impenetrable mystery. He
was conscious of others moving in
the anne world-with, it NAV be,
less satisfaction, if he might Judge
from certain detached explanatory
sounds which from time to time rose
up ont of the encircling darkness.
Palpable though invisible objects
passed and repassed him at every
conceivable angle, cannoning up
against each other with aggressive
stupidity, and not infreguently can
noning up against himself, as he
steered his way in what he imagined
to be a straight line along a straight
pavement.
The pavement-as he remembered
it almost from his childhood up-was
certainly straight, and ran from st.
James past the National Gallery,
which made it the more surprising
when a few yards further on, the Phil
osopher fell over a curbstone in the
middle of the road into the arms of a
policeman.
"Trafalgar square, I conceive?'sai
the Philosopher blandly as he read
justed his hat.
"P%iccadilly Circus" said the police
man erufiy.
Dear me! you don't mean ito" re-
joined the Philosopher. "That ac-
counts for my having collided with so
many substantial shades during the
last few minutes. ] appear to have
lost to an extent my sense of direc-
ton"
"You amt the fust,' said the po-
liceman, in a tone of encouragement.
IF you go on long enough you will
come somewhere"
This remark contained so evident
a germ of philosophy that it tickled
the Philosopher into an appreciatiye
chuckle.
$50 might Epictetus have spoken!"
he exclaimed, gleefnlly. Il perceive
you to be a student of Truth, my
friend! Good evening"" and he con
tinued his way with an uncertain but
complacent gait. He was brought up
very shortly by the unexpected pro-
pinquity of a horse.
"Sir, you are on the pavement" re-
monstrated the Philosopher.
You're on the road, more like!"
retorted a voice, presumably belong
ing to a phantom driver up in the air.
Can you tell me where | amp"
II was about to address the same
inquiry to you," replied the Philoso-
pher, coupled with a request that
you should drive me somewhere else"
Drive you-not /, sir!" the voice
returned. "Tve signed a contract
with the fog to remain on this ERE
spot till morning"
THAT contract would appear to
have many signatories," remarked
the Philosopher, as he walked into a
stationary omnibus. "The man was
right am no longer on the pave
ment."
From time to time the Philosopher
paused in his progress to add his vocal
comments to the sum of the echoing
human sounds around him; it en-
gagged his fancy pleasantly to address
his brother phantoms in a spirit of
agreeable ~camaraderie, as their re-
spective orbits intersected each 9TH
er. Certain fragmentary ejacula-
tion3 would call for the echo of a re-
sponse-as, for instance, when a hui
mar body collided against the Phil
osopher with some force and a voice
burst forth
what the deuce place is this?"
Sir replied the Philosopher, 81
apprehend we are not far from the
Styx-a pleasant passage to you'll"
But the illusion Of an intangible
world was oddly interrupted, before
the Philosopher had Travelled a dozen
yards farther, by the sound of a fem
mime voice close at his elbow
"Oh, please, can you tell me where
/ amr"
The philosopher stopped short.
mot very clearly, I am afraid,
madam" he replied.
Il am 1ost-and am SO frightened
/ daren't novel"
The voice was far too soft and sill
very to belong to a ghost-by no
means the vox exigua of a Tartarean
Shade-and the Philosophers heart
was touched by it's plaintive appeal.
IF ] can assist you"--he began.
She caught his arm impulsively.
"Oh, don't leave mel" she cried, in
childish panic.