The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-11-05
DER GERMAN COBBLER.
he Listens to the Complaints of His
Friend Stuyver.

Der old man Stuyver comes in my
place der odder day und sits him down
und lights his pipe and says:
Hans, I Vhas counting oop on my
fingers. und 1 find more ash one tou-
sand things wrong in dis world. BY gol-
~, but when 1 walk around l WAS SO
mad 1 could go home ind like m:
Wife,"
"Vhell What vhas wrong?" I says.
See here now, but 1 goes on a street
car yesterday. After L ride one hour
dot conductor comes along und says do
1 want transfer OF course 1 do. He
gifts me a transfer und 1 get off. Where
do you suppose 1 vhas2"
Maybe it vhas Boston
"Und maybe it wasn't. No, sir. He
transfers me to a foundry und ma
chine shop, ind I hat to walk half
mile back to find saloon. Why don't
he leaf me al Ger saloon When we goes
by? If 1 vhas president, do you pellet
I allow sooch things? 1 vhas mad yet,
und maybe 1 do some damage
/ don't say nOttings back, und in two
minutes Stuyver goes on:
Two months ago a Teller named
Berger comes TO me und say he likes
me to sign a petition dot nopody snau
tie UP elephants to shade trees. Dot
Vhas a good idea. 1t keeps der trees
from being pulled down. L sign my
name on a paper, and two days ago L
half to go to a bank und pay forty dol
lar How Vhas dot for some swlndles
on an innocent man? Don't sit dere
like some bumps on log but speak
oop und tell me how it vhas-"
If you can't write den you can't
sign your name ind lose money" I
gays.
"Und if I vhas jackass. 1 vhas
your brudderl Four days ago L Vhas
going along der street, und / see a sign
of Danger in front of a building. L
look oOD. und l look down. und when l
walks around der corner mile AWAY
q street car hits me ind knocks me ten
IA
der conductor calls me fool und all
der passengers laugh at me. Do you
pellet dot vhas right2 ''
But don't YOU see dot sign of Dan
ger?'"
yes. but why don't he say. Danger
All Oafer Town und not fool me SOP BY
golly, but if dot happens some more 1
shall break loose und hurt somepody- What
you pellet happened TO me last night2"
You goes to Sleep
mo, I don't. I vhas in bed, ind I like
to go to sleep when a Teller comes along
und knocks on my door und says some
pody Will steal my bike if I don't take
her in. I hat no bike. but ] look on my
front doorstep. und dere vhas a wheel Of
course / take it in und gif dot man a dol
lar for his honesty, but in one hour a
policeman comes und arrests me for steal
ing dot wheel from saloon, und I vhas
locked up for three hours Hans. vhas dot
right? Vhas it fashionable? Was it der
way to serve a man who don't kick when
he has two mudder-in-laws in der house
NIT him? BY t'under, but if you say it
vhas ] pellet 1 shall throw your shop out
doorst"
Il like to go fishing dis fan.'' I says ash
works AWAY.
''Vhen go on ind be hanged to YOU .
says Stuyver as he kicks on der floor nit
madness. II say dis world vhas not right
und if she don't change [ Will leaf her
A few days ago I ask my friend Schmit-
field if he knows of some quiet place
where 1 can sit down NIT my glass of beer
und pipe und not hat some politics around
to make me tired. He says he knows der
quietest place in town ind we shall 90
oep dere. We take a street car und ride
three miles. und where you suppose he
bring me to2 If he don't run AWAY
knock his head off on der spot
~Nhas II to some hospitals o. I says.
'-No. It vhas t5-a graveyard, tell You
Hans. sooch things vhas not right. If you
play tricks Ike dot on man he loses his
confidence in humanity und becomes a
pirate. Did 7 tell you What happened to
me one day last week2''
81 don't think so.
'Nhen. 1 like to rent house und so
I take leetle WALK BY und by | meet
a man und he says he knows of shust der
place for me-a snug little house nit all
conweniences und cheap rent. l took him
I'm und brought him some beer und den
look oop dot house When I reach der num-
Der find a man deere und says:
has dis place to rent2
Not exactly" he replies. but I lodge
you free"
when shall I Gomez
Whenever you vhas dead by accident.
Don't you know dis vhas der morgue2"
'Nheu. Hans / felt some cold ehills go
oafer me, und den I vhas so mad / almost
bust. If l eafer find dot william who sent
me dere shall choke mis- life out mitout
mercy I vhas once kind ind gentle und
conhding. but now I vhas wicked and
desperate Nopody must blame me if l
kill somepody."
don't say nottings, und he signs und
Ercans und pounds on der wall. Maybe it
Vhas fife minutes When he says;
-"Und l tell you about dot butcher. It
makes my blood boil to think of it. He