davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29
The Unfortunate
Maker of Break, .
A Uhrook in A.

A "break," in the eyer.cbo,
nacular of social parlapca
some unfortunate chance rema as
either refers to or suggests SONY
ject best to be avoided. Eyervon'
how often such breaks" as w.
called, occur, and how there sa'
be some perverse fate that nsta,
go out of ones way to talk ~
that must necessarily suggest n,
forbidden. If there is anyona :.
table, for instance, who has ssn.
sonal defect, the imp of peryersih
probably cause the most tenaer.ls,.
person present to drag that osr.D
misfortune into the conyersatbn
luding to some one who is siua.s'
flctaa, Or If there is some faul, |
eton which must not be spoken !
will always be brought forv,s
proxy.
II am the most unfortunate hs
ual In the world about such tbs
complained a young man recently |
is simply impossible for me fl n
clear of any unpleasant topic, i
like a lodestone to me, and am a.
In its direction whether l will Or |
The other day l went with hops.,
ty to the Ms, who are all All
mally fat. Now, Bill said to NV,
remember, not one word about N,
lency! But in spite Of all my efmI
managed to drag in the subject SAY,
times. To my horror, l heard INV
mention Barnum's fat woman 10 n
NJ, speak Of some ones death h
fatty degeneration of the heart Vi
conversing with Mr.. M, talk
miringly of Miss Slender's fgn
Miss M, and allude to the diSiv
tage of carrying weight to young NJ
who nearly broke his heart at COLI
because he grew too heavy to conn
in the games. There was a perfect
tality about it, and I am sure theyu
have thought l did it all on purpos
"It was worse with me-" laughed
young woman to whom be was ga
ing. II went to stay with some ped
whose prominent family trait w&i
markedly large nose. Like you,
solved beforehand never to mention
defect, but the prohibitive word
preyed on my mind that, on one dn
full, never-to-be-forg0tten day, said
my host at the table, Please give
some-nose" l intended to ask fGa
but the awful word got ahead oftd
slipped out of my mouth quite ChaI
distinct. / was too much horTiha
pass it off, and grew red as a pea
feeling ready to cry, but Mr. A
burst out laughing, I know els
how it happened, dear child ha
and you mustn't mind it bit ~
York Tribune.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

The judicial oracle who classified
perjured witnesses as liars, - liars
and expert witnesses" was justified re-
Gently in a New York courtroom. A
handwriting expert was testifying.
us handwriting analysis an exact
scienceY queried the cross examiner.
Tin some cases it is and In some cases
it isn't" was the exact reply. Which
recalls the famous ruling by the pres
ident Of q woman's club: 1.-THE chair
decides that sometimes this associa-
ton is bound by its constitution and
sometimes it isn't" 'Is analysis Of
handwriting based on the law of prob
ability?" inquired the cross-examiner.
ITO great extent, yes" answered the
expert. do you know any other ex-
act science that depends on the law Of
probability" asked the cornering
cross-examiner. II don't know IS I
do" was the candid reply. The ex-
pert had made drawings Of the char
acteristic letters in the chirography
under consideration. "Are the fllustra-
tons you have made there intended
to be more or less like the originals"
More" confessed the expert. The
expert admitted that he could "draw
some" and had the ability to "enlarge
Or contract the characteristics" Of the
letters he was under oath literally to
reproduce. The cross examination
closed with the experts admission that
he was paid in the case to draw let
tiers differently from the originals"
Expert testimony in relation to hand
writing will never be worth the time
1t takes to present and expose it so
long as the alleged experts may be
employed by the parties to a case in
stead of by the court alone as aids In
ascertaining truth. Even then hand
writing experts will be good for lit
tie. No human being capable of hold
ing q pen writes the same word eX-
actly the same way twice in a life
time unless his pen fingers are auto
matte. The state of mans temper
the condition of his liver the degree
Of pressure exerted at the moment on
his time or attention, the kind Of pea,
of ink, Of paper, affect the writing
muscles. Honest men are unable If
they write much, especially In a hur-
ry, always to read their own chirogra-
ply. How little reliance must be
placed upon the interested assevera-
lions Of others who profess to be able
not only to identify chirography I'M
der all circumstances but to be able
to establish handwriting analysis as
an exact science, as if even sigma
ture is always mathematically precise
and the perfect replica Of every other
signature by the same hand. Court
anecdotage received a rich addition
when handwriting reading was pro-
nounced by one Of its professors IAN
exact science based on the law of
probability"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29
DEPTH OF OCEAN CABLES.
Interesting Information Regarding
Submarine Territory.


Submarine Territory.
There seems to be no logical reason
why cables cannot be laid across any
section Of the oceans of the world, no
matter how great the depth. Some
portions of the Atlantic cables are
over three miles below the surface,
and this is not necessarily the extreme
depth, for the cable may, and probably
does, pass from the top of one sub
marine hill to another without droop-
ing materially into the deep valleys be-
tween. The greatest known dept OF
the sea is 40,236 feet, or seven and
three-fifths miles, found in the South
Atlantic about midway between the
island Of Tristan d'Acunha and the
mouth Of the Rio de la Plata.
Soundings have been made to the
depths Of 27,4S0 feet in the North At
lantic south of Newfoundland, and
about $4,000 feet, or nearly six and
a half miles, is reported south of the
Bermudas Even such enormous
depths as these need not hinder cable
laying so far as the theory Is con-
cerned, but in practice for reasons of
economy and otherwise, 1t Is found
best to take advantage of favoring con-
ditions in the oceans bed. To Illus
trate, all of the cables between the
United States and Europe run up along
our coast until they reach the neigh
borhood Of Newfoundland before start
ing across to their destinations in Ire
land and France. The reason for this
is found in the range of submarine
table lands, forming an ideal cable bed,
which lies between the three latter
countries.
In past years immense portions of
this submerged territory have been
plotted and mapped by various govern
mental and private expeditions and
this knowledge is constantly being
added to. 1t becomes particularly val
liable in economic cable-laying. Ex-
cept in extreme cases the electric con-
ductor IS not dropped overheard hap
hazard. On the contrary the subma-
rine mountains, valleys and plains over
which it is to take it's sinuous course
are accurately selected beforehand and
their general configuration, soil COW
ering IF any and other peculiaritfes
properly taken into consideration. Spe-
cial varieties Of cable are manufac-
tured to meet certain conditions known
to exist where they are to go. Like
men In all trades, the cable layers
must adhere closely to the specifica-
lions given them in starting in order
to perform the right kind of work.
The steamship, therefore, while go
ing ahead and paying out the cable
over the stern pulley, is under the
guidance of skilled hands, following
a certain path, which has been point
ed out for her by sages on the main
land as being the best adapted for the
comfort and ease Of the electrical con-
ductor she is depositing. -Lippincott's
M9oazinp
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29
Appealing to the Colored Passenger

Alexander Southern Thweatt tells
this on his rivals and himself: eve all
were working our hardest to secure a
colored delegation who wished to travel
to certain point in Arkansas, and the
usual exhibits were made, every pas
senger agent swearing his was the
shortest route. 1 took the chairman
aside and said to him: Look here:
you don't want to take any short route
See what you miss You don't travel
every day. Take the longest route
and have a look at the country. I'll
take you by way Of - and -. etc. ,
naming half a dozen cities-tgive You
all good time, and land you at your
destination nearly as soon as if you
travel by air lines 1t caught him. and
1 got the delegation. The short route
never catches Sambo." New York
Press.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29
HOLLYWOOD PALACE.

HOLLYWOOD Edward will
upward OF oo years
Scotland is SO
be the most interesting place az
IL born in it crowned In T. a Tns
in andbu In nuptas Princess Margalet
1903 From that time oiwaru
Mary lived there her return from on
in
the throne Her ng james sos Nv vis
Cromwes troops after the O o
fterad King Charles x France t
visited by pilgrims from
reverent loved by the Scotch who see the g b
of
char
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

Politicians south Of the equator are
again talking about the United States
of South America. AS a preliminary,
the union Of Chilli and the Argentine
Republic was seriously proposed by the
commander Of the CHILEAN army at a
dinner in Santiago last month.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

Andrew Carnegie has asked the
.Workmen's National Housing Council
Of London to tell him how five or ten
&nillioR dollars can adyantageously be
spent in building model dwellings for
she poor. He seems to have concluded
with Gen. Booth of the Salvation Army
4hat man who Is poorly housed and
anadeauately fed will seldom aspire to
higher things.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

labor, which re-
Gently astonished
newspaper read
ers, is one Of the
most noted o f
American educa-
tors.
He was born in
Boston In 1884, the
son of Samuel FL
/ 0 t statesman.
Graduating from
Harvard in 1853,
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29
Sir Thomas Challenge.

"I wonder why Sir Tommy Upton
has Joined that balloon club?"
Maybe he thinks that when he lifts
the cup he will lift it high cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29
Varieties of Love.

Nannette-JacQues says he will love
me always.
Babbette-I should think one way
would be enough.-Gentleman's Maya
zine.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

A preacher says the Ten Command
ments are out of date and not applica-
Die to present day life. Still, there are
three or four Of them that we had bet
ter stick to just to be on the safe side.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

Although only about two years have
passed since the Commonwealth of
Australia was founded. many discon-
tented Australasians are urging the
dissolution of the union. Robert Philp.
premier of Queensland. said recently
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

Sir Henry Irving cables that he will
come again next year. He too, 1t
seems, is one of those who never can
Ret quite enough.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

The other day practical joker fas-
&ened crab to a mules tail, and was
kicked to death in just about two Sec
tOnds. Kindly omit flowers.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29
A Hint

EFF politics. lax Satan, is roarin'
lion," said the colored campaigner, 4
wish tew de Lawd he'd roar loud in de
place whar / could find ten dollarsl''-
Atlanta Constitution.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

Secretary Wyndham is predicting an
send of the Irish row. The Secretary
evidently needs rest. His mind seems
affected.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

It has been found that anutoxin will
cure rattlesnake bites. It isn't likely,
however, that the new cure will make
much Roadway in Kentucky.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

sixty-four divorces were granted in
New York in one day recently, and a
whole lot of people were left unsatis-
taed even then.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29
Amnities Never Sudden

There is more Of ideal io,e shs b
rage in the world than M. !. % orp Dol
ion to believe. AftinltleS a., M ID
rare. But they are lnau, ,, peI
After all, what are atflnl''e',d .csq
between whom attraction u fgJ
to a maximum, who THINK :, @D ~ inaI
act in entire sympathy II !, meet
able that two people coOI" ..fpd 4
discover such a bond Oh pad ,,1 nI
pathy. Such a condition 5, Ts Tibps
good and great to gam nnse "tnss|
struggle. No two people n lno sars
training and education , tnI fa |
vironment, the same eon0l +,
formation of character ana .a,a Nv "a
We must make our afhnl''''
DOlitan.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

Count Boni de Castellane has an
pxercoat which cost $1,000. The
er,ee of his new corsets is not named.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29
CITY HALL TOO SMALL

London Civic Business Hampereo
Lack of Room.
London has suddenly dScoyereda
it ought to have a respectable %
for it's rulers. One of the Queera
all the topsy-turvy things about
center Of the empire is that pps
100000 Of it's inhabitants dOntn
where it's "city half is. The Dula
from which the worlds metr0p0R
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

The mother with her arms full of
babies has as much right as a bride
with American; beauties.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

No fault can be found with mans
sense Of duty If he finds time to do
things he doesn't want to do.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

tanod evening; have you invented a
new breakfast food to-day?
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29
A Safe Petition

A friend tells writer in Londo,
NJ. A. P. that he met Mr. Arthur Bal
four, the new prime minister of Emo
land, one evening at a dinner party.
The conversation turned on the i'm
portance in life of self-confidence. NJ,
friend repeated the saying, God gle u.
guild conceit o. oorsels.''
Mr.. Balfour added quickly, "And thar
sir, is the only prayer that is Away.
answered"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29
PROF. c. w. ELIOT.
Educator Who Is Criticised for His
Assault on Labor Unions.

Prof. Charles William Eliot, presi-
dent of Harvard University, who made
the unwarranted assault upon union
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29

More Reserves for Germany.
Germany drills this year SO, 400 re
serve troops, nearly double as many
as she drilled two years ago.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1902-11-29
A WatchfuI Nurse "a

Doctor-Aha! Glad to so last b
better poa:'' So you slept well ''''
did you?
Patient-Who slept! ,oord: y
Doctor-Here's the rev
slept, slept" r,,ot was The y
Patient-Psham! l h"'
Inferno.
Asked and Answe sas 10 q
He-when poverty CONE come \
door what is it love w. ~ If the ~
she-why, it flies out v
room window. of courS''
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1902-09-25
porar shirt Fronts in Use.

A paper shirt front is n Of the lat
est articles or apparel worn by walters
who are expected to appear in full
dress while on duty. The observer
was a visitor recently at one of the
popular suburban resorts, where the
walters all displayed a wealth of i'm
maculate white bosom, on each OF
which were a couple of neat studs. 1t
looked as though they had received a
supply of fresh linen from the laundry,
until one Of them ca~relessly allowed
his low vest to become unbuttoned,
and the secret was out, with the shirt
front, the latter Of which was drawn
up in such a way as to expose a cheap
and dirty negligee shirt, that IA not
at all in keeping with the conditions
otherwise presented. Paper collars
have been worn for several years. Pa
per shirt fronts are of more recent
origin. They are, presumably, much
cheaper than linen. considering the
cost of doing up a starched shirt, and
the fact that a clean shirt would have
to be donned almost daily.-Brooklyn
Times.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1902-09-25
ONE FAMOUS MANS WIFE.

T~aIIeyrand Thought Demon
Was Robinson
Excuse for Marrying Her.
Apropos of a recent sale in london
of a first copy of Robinson Crusoe'
and a second edition of THE Farther
Adventures" dated 1719. for the sum
of sl.225, the Literary World reyives
an enjoyable story of Nine. Talley-
rand's appreciation of Robinson Cru
soe:"
"Tallayrand used to excuse his mar
rage with a woman SO lacking in tact
and sense. on the ground that clever
women might compromise their hus-
bands, whereas. stupid women only
compromised themselves. One day
Demon, the famous Psychologist, dined
with the T~alleyrands. M. Talleyrand
instructed his wife to read Demons
books. She, dutifully, went to the Ii
brary. but on the way forgot the name.
she could only remember she wanted
the book of a famous traveller, whose
reme ended in "on." The librarian
gave her Robinson Crusoe." Nine.
T~alleyrand read the book, marveling
that a great traveller could write such
en- interesting work. At dinner she
astonished her guest by suddenly ex-
claiming: Mon Dieu, monsieur, great
icy You must have felt on your island
when you found friday"
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1902-09-25
A slim.


He was telling the story of the en-,
gagged young mar who stopped at the
home of his sweetheart on his way to
business n morning, just to hold her
hand for a moment.
"The young nan rang the bell" said
the story-teller, "and asked the maid
to announce him. Pretty soon the girl
poked her head out of the bath room
door and cried: Hello, Jack, dear!'
'Hello!' Jack called back. Come on
down I can't, Jack, I'm in my bath. >
Bat l won't keep you a moment 7
haven't er-got-er-er-anything on,
jack was the hesitating reply. Well
said Jack, slip on something and come
down.
$50" concluded the s~tory-teller,
she slipped on the top step and came
down"
Everybody laughed but one man. He
looked as though in deep thought for a
second, and then cried: "You don't
get me to bite on that gag."-New
York Evening Sun.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1902-09-25

satisfied with her afternoons work.
Tbsn a new idea struck her. She
crossed over to the postofice and die
tated a long telegram. thus:
"To David Steel. Is. Downend Ter
race, Brighton: -,
go to Walen's and ascertain iuii
description of the tentative customer
who suggested the firm should procure
gun-metal cigar-case for him TO look
at. Ask If he was a tall man, with q
thin beard and a face slightly peck
marked. Then telephone result to me
here. Quite safe, as Henson Is away.
Great discoveries to tell you.
-Christobel Lee"
Chris paid for her telegram and then
drove thoughtfully homeward.
CTo BE Continued.)
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1902-09-25
DON'T o,yr -.

Don't be DISCOURAGED {.
forts to fnd relief aud c,,s.
myriads Of ills that corr N
kidneys. You may pas. i'e'
sleepless tossing. annoyed I. rls
urination. Your back nav n
toothache or sudden ~
twinges of 5ackache pain !.
misery. Perhaps you h,re
spells. are weak, tired-ous
There is a cure for all ~ !.
every trouble of the blaa6a.
neys. Read this case
tells how well the cure y.
Charles Lindgren, sealer !,
cars on the L. S. & M. / ! /
Porte, Ind, says: 81 haqa l
faith in Doan's Kidney pga.
than | had in the fall Of ia, /
began taking them and m.a.
lie statement of the resnlt
time | had suffered with ~
and soreness Of the bacs i.
so excruciating that | conls "
turn in bed, and Deans Kla.
completely cured this tronhla
always ready to endorse No..
ney Pills personally to aryos.
ing a kidney remedy. Ate,
three years l make this 49,
which shows my undouhted ~
the preparation"
A FREE TRIAL of tbis -.
ney medicine, which cured 4,
gren, will be mailed On 49,.
to any part of the United \
Address Foster Mnburp n \
N. Y. For sale by all drup,i,
cents per box.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1902-09-25
Opium Amonu Thisv..

After a gun (crook) has gran.
some time mis- nervous system NJ
affected and he needs a stlw,
Most Of grow addicted either h \
choloral, morphine or whiskev
at this early period | began 10 !,
little opium, and when a gna
doped he is very reckless. ~
one thing for opium, however
drug never makes a man carels
his personal appearance. A +
who drinks will do down and ot
bum, but an opium fiend never d
to dress weli.-Leslie's Monthly.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1902-09-25
xLvII.


There was an uneasy grin on Mer-
ritt's face, a suggestion that he did not
altogether trust those around him.
Hard experience In the ways OF the
wicked had taught him the folly OF
putting his confidence in anyone. Just
for the moment the impulse to shuttle
was upon him.
'Tf | say nothing, then, I can't do
any HARM" he remarked, sapiently.
-Best, on the whole. for me to keep my
tongue between my teeth"
"Mr. Henson is a dangerous man to
cross" Chris suggested.
"He is. that" Merritt agreed. "You
don't know him as l do"
Chris conceded the point, though she
had her own views on the matter. Lit
timer had seated himself on the broad
atone bench along the terrace, where
he was watching the scene with the
greatest zest and interest.
you imagine Mr.. Henson to be a
friend OF yours?" Chris asked.
Merritt nodded and grinned. So
long as he was useful to Henson he
was fairly safe.
"Mr. Merritt" Chris asked, sudden
Iy, "have you ever heard Of Reuben
Taylor"
The effect OF the question was cleo.
trical. Merits square jaw cropped
with a click, there was fear in the fur.
tive eyes that he cast around him.
II read all about Reuben Taylor in
n Of our very smart papers lately"
Chris went On, ut appears that Mr..
Taylor Is a person whom nobody
seems tG have seen. but who, from
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1902-09-25

Ignace Paderewski, the pianist. is an
ardent Polish patriot; the only fact. it
is said, which has stood between him
and a title from the z He has again
proved his patriotism by subscribing
to the Bank of Ziemski, which Is being
organized at Posen. to couteract the
Communication Of the province. One
Of his objects is to acquire estates. sub
divide them and sell to Polish peas
ants. Another object Is to assist Poi.
ish manufacturers in mercantile enter
prises.-Concert Goer.
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1902-09-25
undIsputed for Hall a c.n,ur

II is q remarkable fact, Vhici
half a century has not once been
puted, that st. Jacobs OIL never
to cure shooting pains In the 7
legs, sides, back or breast, OF sOis
In any part OF the body.
1t has for fifty years been g'
tsed by the proprietors, st. JACOBS
Ltd, Baltimore, Md, to proEnpW
lameness, sciatica. rheumatism
bago, stiff and swollen JOINS
back, and all pains in the nps
loins, strains, bruises, burns, y
toothache, chilblains, ana ~ :
and pains.
ST. Jacobs Oil costs 70 es y
cts. : sold wherever a druggist =
Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1902-09-25
Up to the Standard.

There's a fellow here" said the 10.
quacious landlord of the tavern at
Polkville. Ark, that had a spell of
sickness, an ever since then ne can't
remember who he is, or where he's
been. nor anything he ever DONE"
All" replied the tourist, IT pre-
sumo his friends will send him to a
~sanitarium."
Gosh, no! We all feel sorry fo-
him. an were talkin' of turnin' in and
electin' him to the legislature."-Judge.