The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1902-02-14

He jibes at woman because OF her van
itX, and spends an hour before the mir
ror when he is preparing to call Oh one
Of the fair sex.
He tells his wife just how the govern
nnsnt should settle, the canal question,
and has to hire laborer to map out Il
drain through his back yard.
He prates about the fooishness of
counting public notice, but he never
drives through vacant streets.-Baltimor
jx-Julgc Horace Russell ut a recent
dinner told Il story about Il onc-timc
client of Ambassador Choate. The OBJ
posing lawyer made n remark about the
length to which Mr.. .Choates client
seemed to be willing to go in his tctsi-
YES rcjoincd Mr.. Choatc. lit is be-
ginning to look as if my client had sworn
to tell the truth, the whole truth, and Il
BANKED sight lnOrc.-New York Times.
Senator Berry of Arkansas came into
the Democratic clOakrOom and heard
half dozen senators telling stories
| about liars they had met.
THE best one l ever KNEW said Sen
ator Berry, when it came his turn, ''was
| my state. Johnson couldn't tell the
| truth on the most ordinary proposition.
Once he was il witness in All imnOrtani
| lawsuit. Although he was under oath,
he lied outrageously. Finally the lawyer
who was examining him said:
Mr. Johnson. why do you prcvari.
cate so, even undcr oath:''
"JOhnSOn'S manner of speech was be-
tween Il >tanmcr and IL sneeze. He
drew himself III in his chair and re-
piled, Indignantly:
| How can you expect man to kec,
| from preyaricatin' when he's lost three
of his front teeth? ? New York World
PA, said Willie, what does it mean
+" say Il man is 'onc of natures noble
menu"
"'One Of natures noblemen.' my SON.
replied the old gentleman, with a sly
nifcant look ut his better half, lis :,
man who smiles when he gets some ri
dicnlons cheap gift for Christmas am.
exraims: How nice! Just what
| wanted. '-Catholic Standard and Times
Capt. +. w. Dickins. who commanded
| the cruiser brooklyn, on Il cruise to th<
J Ear East, tells with considerable enjoy
ment an incident Of his visit to Wcstmln
stcr Abbey. He was about to leave tho
place after hurried glimpse of the in
terror. when an attendant whom he hat
tipped asked whether he would like i;
see the TOMB OF Elizabeth.
=, Not speciality replied the captain
Charles Dickens. l am a sort Of name
sake; only my branch Of the famil!
spells the name somewhat differently.
'Ah. is that SOP replied the other vii
interest. well, do you know Dickens
has also made the name Of my fan1i,
asked the captain. "Weller," was thu
| nj shook
~, M3 3n2,: what's the baby c':
Willie-"oh: he's ungrateful; that
what he is
Mamma "Ungratcful?''
Willie-''Yes'm. l jest showed hin
how to eat his cake and he don't 'prcci
ate t.'-Philadelphia Press.
Two little girls who go to the schoo
attended by Archie Roosevelt were talk
Just think!' said one. "He came Il
school yesterday with mud on his shoe:
and il tear in his trousers. His hat wa:
all mussed, and his hair was rumpled III
think the Presidents son ought to lool
nice and not just like common boy
don't see how Il person can be proud Of
his country when the Presidents sol
looks as if he didn't care how he looks.
This opinion was communicated t.
young Mr.. Roosevelt.
"Huh!. he said. Girls don't know
anything!'
Mrs: Mahoolc-"S hure. avn tn docto,
is maxim q hog out av Pathrick''
Mrs. O'Toole-'Awn how so. Mrs. Ma
hoole?'
Mrs. Mahoole-"Phoy, he forbid hin
$mokin' kept after meals, avn now
Pathrck atcs tin meals 4 daylight
cago News.
II un' STAINS dat you has promise t,
allow Jim Colliflower to escort you HON,
from de rahlor social said Erastu.
Pinkley.
Il has answered Miss Miami Brown
but you done promise dc condescen
sion of yoh company to me-
"Ycssuh. But l doesn't anticipate IL,
superiority. [ has notice dat when 70,
an Mistah Collitower meets at a pablo
a lady home ut de finish. DE yuthah i
on his way in an ambulance to yit d
razor mahkS smoothed out'n his sys
tem."-Washingto Star
The Lady WHIP Some people hay,
called me Il plug" remarked the pa
tient horse. "but just now guess I'm F.;
= | ~ HILL tAClil1uCu the Jog run
, ming along under the carriage. eyes
This woman doesn't seem able to driy
me straight. -Ihladelphia Press. =.
1t happened in little church on tn
/ east. side of New York city. where tn
motive power for the organ comes fro1,
, : the strong arms of an Industrious Irish
man.
AT !, recent service the choir got int
trouble and while confusion reigned tn
organ suddenly stopped.
|, The situation was not relieved whe,
Il hoarse whisper came from behind tn
organ and floated out into the audi
torium. 1t said:
''Siny like t'unter! De bellcrs is bust
ed'"-Iouth's Companion.
-.-:O:-: .:. 49,
=, Softly (Nho has fallen overheard an.
. been dramatically; rescued)-'Did-y
aw-f;int when you heard them veil
Man overboardT" Helen (sobbing)-
"No-no. Cholly I never once suspecte,
they could mean you."- Tit-Bits.
Dorotlly-"What did you and yo;,
mother-in-law fall out about, Kitty z:
Kitty-'Oh; she never liked me afte
she heard me say that no husband: d
imi)e should! ever Wear HOWE, ,,,o r.