The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1902-06-06

I IT supposethe coronation will be like,
a grand play t"But without any vii,
lain" :>'Not at all. There's Alfred Aus
/ tin."-Life.s ID
! Nightmares: II dream my stories,"
Esaid Hicks, the author. "How you
must dread going to bed!'' exclaimed
Cynicus.-T Bits.
The, Sad Part: Mrs. PATTERSON
What! you've had fourteen cooks in
three months Mrs.. Catterson-Yes;
and didn't please any Of them.-Life.
Just as Bad: Jimson-Wer you ever
in a Kansas cyclone? Jester-No, but
I've been through the New York Gus
tom house examination.-Ohio State
Journal. -.
The intricacies Of trade: Woman
How much for children's pictures?
Photographer-Ten shillings a dozen,
madam. Woman-Why-er- but
I've got only nine.-Tit-Bits.
Our Song Birds: "Do you speak En-
glfsh, madame?" inquired the inter-
viewer. 'Ver' leetl," replied the oper-
attic celebrity, smiling sweetly; "only
zfs: How I lofe America !'"-Puck.
Gotham-I see the weather man has
struck it right in to-night's paper.
Church-You don't mean it? Gotham
| Yes; he says the weather a year ago
| to-day was clear.-Yonkers Statesman.
Missed it: Il missed one of my pull
lets last night, Rufus said the colonel,
sternly. "Sho," replied Rufus, evasive-
ly, "yo' oughtn't tub shoot at pullets
in de dahk, kunnel.' State Jour-
nal.
Feminine: Elderly Spinster All,
dear Julia, you can't imagine how I
dread to think Of my fortieth birthday!
Julia-Why, dear? Did something very
unpleasant happen then? - London
Punch.
The only one: Tourist in London
Dickens was in the habit Of frequent
ing this tavern, was he not? Land
lord (proudly)-No, sir; this is the tav-
ern which he never Observation-Disclosures
Ign Life.
His Past: Ferdy Crying to make an
I mpression)-Heavens! what would
not give to be able to forget my past.
Edith-What! do those old nursery
spankings still rankle in your memory?
Judge.
| Faithful: Lady district visiting)-
! Your wife is always hard at work, and
you seem to be always idling. Do you
ever do anything to support your
house? Ruf1ian-Yus. OF leans again
it!-Punch.
Teeth: Bobby-My gran'ma's so old
she amt got tooth in her head. Tom
my-Ain't she? Well, mebby they're)
in her bureau drawer, like my Aunt
Titles is sometimes. - Philadelphia
Evening Bulletin.
Of his high horse: Merchandise
you're looking for position. Young
| College Graduate-No; I've wasted so
much time looking for a position"
that I'll be satisfied now to take job.
philadelphia Press.
Spring Opening: Dealer in second
hand garments Ito assistant)- can't
mark this suit Fashionable it's too
shabby. Youthful Assistant Ia humor-
ist)-No; but you might mark it VERY
! much worn.'-Tit-Bits
| An Explanation: "You frankly con-
fess that your novel failed because of
lack Of literary skill?" Il d." an
swered the author; "the man who
| wrote the advertisements was no
good. "-Washington Star.
Scene, anywhere: Customcr-1'd like
a piece suitable for roast. Meat Mar
ken Man-How much, madam? Gus
tomer-As much as I can get for half
dollar. I want to make a roast beef
sandwich Tribune.
Mother-There were two apples in
the, cupboard, Tommy, and now there
! is only one. How's that? Tommy
(who sees no way of escape)-Well,
ma, it was so dark in there I didn't
see the other. - Glasgow Evening
Times.
Short measure: "What am I so mad
about" repeated the popular actress.
with flashing eyes; II only got three
bouquets, that's: what!' But" said
the manager, 'you surely didn't expect
more" "Of course l did. I paid for
ive."-Philadclphia Press.
Hungry but fastidious: Lady" said
the wayfarer II can't eat these
scraps" "You can'tT' said the house
wife, in surprise; "why, you just told
me that you were so hungry you could
eat house," eyes, mum; but 1 meant
a porterhouse."-Chi News.
Helpful hints: "O-o-o-h-h!' It is the
wife who shrieks thus. "What Is the
matter?' calls the husband. "Baby has
swallowed tack" Nervously the hus-
band seeks his copy of "First Aid to
the Injured" Quicker yet is the wife.
See! She is feeding the baby tack
puller. Baltimore American. ..>-,~-.
Railroad wanted: 'Yes," said the
head man of the new settlement,
"we're after & railroad now" "You
don't say!'' eyes, ef we could Only git