Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-08-21
Marriage Licenses.

Experiences have led me to spec
ulate why it is that couples about to
marry are the objects Of SO much
humorous solicitude. This comes
from what I have seen and heard
around the court house. You would
be surprised to know what vast
amount of real fun there is about
the average application for a license
to wed. The only part of the pro-
ceeding which does not appear to be
humorous is the payment Of the fee
although even that part Of the deal
sometimes seems to be a huge joke
to the jovial bridegroom. On the
other hand there is no recorded
instance of kick against it's pay
ment, although one much divorced
female is said to have asked County
Clerk Griffis whether she was not
to be allowed discount ''for guam
tity"
It is a capital place in which t.
study human nature, the clerks
Office. Take, for instance the timid
bridegroom who creeps in stealthily,
whispers his wish guiltily, blushing
the while like peony, waits timidly
until the clerk asks him the neces-
sary questions, answers them falter-
ingly, takes his certificate gingerly,
pays willingly and as if surprised
the fee is not larger, walks out
proudly, and is seen no more.
There is the other kind. The
clustering fellow who comes in as if
it had been q daily custom of his
for years to take out a license to
wed, demands it in loud voice pro
claims the names and ages of him
self and his bride-to-be as though
he were addressing a crowd, runs
; over the printed certificate with an
eye to possible deception and his
: being handed gold brick, looks in
quiringly at the clerk when told
there is Is cents to pay, forks out
the money deliberately, expressive
of the thought that this is the be-
ginning of Lord knows what ex-
pense, and marches out with envel-
ope in hand defying the world to
question his right to do what he
durn pleases. That's the kind OF
fellow who will keep his wife under
his thumb.
Then there's the fellow who de-
mands that the fact of his contem-
plating matrimony shall not, under
pain of dire penalties, be allowed to
be published. But he's not worthy
of mention. I despise that kind.
Very occasionally the bride-to-be
comes for the license. You might
think she would be embarrassed.
Not bit Of it. IF you think for a
moment, you will see that bride
to-be who will go for the license is
not likely to be of the easily en-
barassed sort. Such one walks in
alice samee Betsy Trotwood in
Dickens David Copperfeld; master
fully, capably and with a look of
grim determination to have her
rights, just as Betsy used to when
she drove the donkey off the green.
And usually she knows what she's
about. The clerk has no need to
instruct her. She carries her money
in reticule and there in she depos-
it's the license when she receives it,
swapping the catch with a sugges-
ton of saying, There, I've done it;
and no one can take this paper from
me except over my corpse"
| One day last week a young fellow
appeared at the desk. He might be
said to have 'sblown in" He looked
around him at the door and wan
dered around the room with an I'M
steady lurch in his gait, suggestive
of a sea-faring life or too liberal
indulgence in dago red. His nearer
approach dispelled the sea-faring
illusion and the dago red was sub
stantiated beyond question by an
oderiferous breath redolent of that
and of garlic. He was not native
born. He knew what he wanted
and that's about all he did know.
The name of his future wife was as
blank a mystery to him as the
Sphynx. He couldn't name her to
save his life. ooh, you can't have
forgotten the name of your bride y
said the clerk. II can't (hic), was
the reply; why, I don't know my
own name" And he didn't. He
was sent off with instructions to re-
turn when he was sober and better