The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-12-20
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BY F. p. dunno.

81 have to talk about women" sa1t
Mr.. Dooley. do ye ynow anything
about thim?"
"Nawthin'," said Mr.. Hennessy. "Ive
been livin' with wan so long that she
looks like me, but she's as much iv a
Gamble to me now as she iyer was.
know what she'll do. She'll do what
I tell her to do if she PLACES. But
can niyer more thin guess what she's
thinkin' about"
WELL" said Mr.. Dooley, women is
sthrange crathers. 1 niyer pretinded
tn larn thin. I can tell be tn cut ~
a mans coat or his whiskers, be tn
way he walks, be his attichood at tn
har he a light wurrud spoke in jest
or heavy wurrud in anger, be
glance at tn side iv his face as ne
masses a lookin' glass, what KIND Nv
man he is. Wan thing I'll always bet
on-he amt much diff'rent firm amy
other man. If I want to get a line on
what he'd do in case iv fire, ask
mesilf what I wud do in case Nv nre.
I. mesilf, am ivry man. Barr1n eddy
cation an tn business were IN, Tn
King iv England, tn Impror lv Rus
silva. Kaiser Wilhelm tn Busy, Teddy
Rosenfelt, ]. Pierpont Morgan, IN
Prince iv Siam an Martin Dooley is
ali out iv tn same peck measure. Ii
I know mesilf, know thin all. King,
car, potintate, doctor, lawyer, mer-
chant, thief, rich man, beggar man,
ngressman-they're all me with bet
Their or worse clothes. They'se kind
iv a Martin Dooley down shootln' bears
an coons in tn swamps iv MISSISSIPPI;
they'se another cockin' up his heels at
Windsor Castle; they'se Martin
Dooley iv some sort on ivry throne IN
Europe, an ivry ash heap in Canal
sthreet. l don't say all men ARE
DrOlQRTS. AL DCl oil AASN-~
tape line that 1 use FIR mesilf is long
enough an acc'rate enough to meas
ure amy man in tn wurruld, an If
it happens that I'm ladlin' out red I'M
peeryalism at tin cints tn glass instead
iv breaking stone at Joliet or frinds in
Wall Sthreet, it's because started tn
way I did.
But whin it comes to sizin' up tn
ladies, Gawd bless thin an tache thin
their places, l hang up tn rule. tn
compass an tn tape line, an go be
guess an be luck. In dalin' with
women man mus play entirely be ear
They'se a good menny men that'n tell
We they know all about thin. Almost
amy young unmarried man between
eighteen an twenty-wan cud map
woman out FIR We as plain as State
sthreet. He has her mind an her sowl
charted an he takes a squint at tn
north star, FIR he wud disdain to steer
be anything less, sets his coorse, ties
down tn tiller an goes to sleep. He
wakes up in tn roarin' forties wrecked
on an iceberg.
"See young Terence Riordan comm
out iv the front dure iv Callahan's
house with his chin in tn air an his
hat cooked over his ear. Is there amy
thing about women that he don't
know, from Claypathry to Carrie Ma
ton? Divvle tn thing. He's taken his
degree Women is mental arithmetic
FIR him He does sums about thin IN
his head. All We have to do to win a
women, says Terence Riordan, is to
look like Terence Riordan. AS II
Ellen Callahan that he's keepin
comp'ny with among others, he's got
her intelleck figured out to decimals
He knows ivrything about her except
tn wan thing l see firm me window
that whin gallant Terence RiordaI
wint out through tn front dure step
pin high, Ellen Callahan wint out tn
back dure to meet Larry Hannigan an
go to a moonlight excursion.
"Bimeby Terence will marry her, f.
she has him nailed to tn f1ure now
not be her own charms but be his fin
opinyon iv himsilf. Whin I see thin
together an he's lookin into thin eye
iv hers that say so much an name 81
diff'rent. I know he's thinkin': I cal
read ivry thought in her mind. She
thinkin' how gr-reat am an how good
what a handsome head iv hair I have
how that mole alongside me nose set
off me vivid complexion. Her thrus
an confidence in me is ra-aly sad. TIL
poor, little miserable thing, I must re
ward her with me distinguished s'ciet
FIR life An manetime down in he
heart is tn moonlight excursion al
tn pitcher iv Hannigan with no 10
but mandoliH. Terence'll niver fin
it. Whin he gets to be forty he'll sus
pict it, whin he gets to be fifty he
quit thryin' TO find out, an whin h
gets to be sixty he'll wish he'd Ia
tn mandolin an Hannigan tn jol
Wise is he who says: I on'y know yis
terdah. l must look out to-morrah
Whin he's young it's simple, whin he
middie-aged it's problem an viii