davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
ShROvE TUESDAY JOKES.
Peculiar Tdens OF Humor Possessed
by Two French Kings.


In all countries where Lent Is kept
except in Russia, where Ash Wednes-
day Is not observed -Shrove Tuesday,
the last day before the beginning of the
penitentlal season, has been given over
10 mummings. sports and practical
Jokes. In both England and Scotland,
in which latter place the day is known
as Fastens cen, II was in times past
great holiday for the apprentices and
working classes generally.
A grewsome Joke was played by
Louis NJ. one Shrove Tuesday when at
night he ordered his guards to rouse
the sleeping villagers near and bring
them TO the castle. From almost ey-
cry tree in the surrounding wood. ii is
said, a dead body dangled. and to the
music OF his fiddlers Louis compelled
the villagers TO take gibbeted corpse
for partner and dance before IL till
morning. Those who had husbands,
sweethearts or relatives among the
dead were forced to have them for
partners.
Later Charles IN. enjoyed practical
joke at Shrovetide that was less grim
In its character. secretly giving ten Of
the most skillful plckpockets in Paris
full leave 10 steal whatever they could
without being found out at the carnl-
val ball. Louis himself enjoyed their
dexterity and the dismay OF those
who missed their Jewels, swords, gir-
dies and other valuables.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
An Early Pres. Agent.

Though absurd wagers. often incon-
venicncing other people, are now
sometimes made, they are not so prev
alent as In the eighteenth and early
part OF the nineteenth centuries. The
sbsurdity OF wager made by some
persons In 114o Is only equaled by the
credulity OF the multitude. On Jan.
&c OF that year. according 20 wide
spread announcements, a person would
play on n walking cane at the Hay
market theater the music OF every In
strument. get into a quart bottle and
while there sing several songs. at the
same time permitting any spectator
20 handle the bottle. The theater could
hold but n small proportion Of the i'm
mense crowd. but the performer did
not appear. Some person behind the
curtain announced that IL the audience
would remain there until the next
morning instead Of going into n quart
bottle he would get into a pint one.
But. though the multitude had faith
In the quart. the pint bottle was too
much. A riot ensued. and the Interior
Of the theater was destroyed.-London
Chronicle.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
OLD FASHIONED.

What has become Of the old fashion.
ed woman vino said, "Oh, now you
hushT"
What has become OF the old fashion
cd man who had his picture taken In
lodge rcgaliu?
What has become Of the old fashion.
ed woman who wore n long gold chain
around her neck?
What has become Of the old fashion
cd woman who did things in three
shakes Of lambs tail?
What has become of the old fashion.
ed woman who referred TO the best
room i'm her house as "the room?"
What has Necome Of the old fashion.
cd home where the children sat with
their noses at the window every night
watching for their father?
What has become of the old fashion,
cd girl who. as soon as she became en-
gagged, got out her crochet needle and
began to make her own trimmings2-
Atchison Globe.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
Anglomaniacs and Anglophobes.

In speech at banquet given in his
honor In London the other night John
Hays Hammond, the well known
American mining engineer, spoke a
true word when he said that neither
Anglomaniacs nor Anglophobes were
country toward Great Britain. He
advised his hearers mot to pay too
much attention to the extravagant ex-
presslons Of friendship OF certain
well meaning but discredlted class
called in America 'Anglomaniacs.' :"
The American "Anglophobes." the in
tense haters of everything British,
came IN for an equal criticism. Both
Of these classes" said Mr.. Hammond,
"are the fotsam and jetsam OF the
American population. The citizens
who compose the important body OF
the population are the exponents Of
Americanism in its highest form. They
are the true Americans, whether of
British, German or whatever ances-
try"
This is frank and truthful state
ment Of our position. Our people are
not the inbred line of the Anglo-Sa xon
or any other race. The essence OF our
national strength lies in the fact that
we have taken tribute in brain, blood
and bone from the best that the cen
turies have brought to every Cauca-
sian race. We are Americans. the first
Of a new people. AS such we are
ready to accept and return interna-
tional courtesy from whatever source
II may come. and those who do not
like us may go hang.
We are friendly disposed toward
Great Britain not because Of racial
ties or Of common language, but be-
cause II Is our policy TO be on good
terms with all nations with which our
interests do not seriously conflict. The
friendship should be placed there and
here upon n practical and not a senti-
mental basis. 1t is quite time to end
the hysterical talk both Of the Anglo
maniac and the Anglophobe. which
does not express true American senti-
ment.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
Took the Hint.

A story is told Of certain English
bishop well known for his vcrbosity
who rose to address the house of lords
on n very important occasion. 81 will
divide my speech under twelve heads"
he said, TO the discomfort Of his audi
ence.
The Marquis of Salisbury begged TO
be allowed to interpose with n little
anecdote. "a friend OF mine was re-
turning home late one night" he said,
"when opposite st. Pauls he saw an
intoxicated man trying TO ascertain the
time on the big clock there. Just then
II began TO strike and slowly tolled out
IL. The man listened. looked hard at
the clock and said: 'Confound you, why
couldn't you have said that all at
onccT"
The bishop heartily joined In the
laughter which followed and took the
hint contained In the story.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
CURIOSiTlES OF MICA.
its Appearance before IL IL spI'i
Infn sIrefs.


The mica rs IL comes from the mires
II in blocks which are theoretically
short rhombic prisms. but practically
are scarcely recognizable as such, hav
ing a very rough and uneven contour.
They have a very perfect cleavage
parallel 10 the base and may be split
into lamina thinner than the thinnest
tissue paper, and these lamlne form
the familiar transparent stove panes
end lamp chimneys. The exterior por.
tions Of these blocks are Opaque. brittle
and worthless. presumably from the
penetration OF water. for mica soon
decompOscs when exposed 10 any con.
siderable herring. A thick layer
OF plates has therefore TO be removed
from either face OF the blocks before
any mica Of commercial size or value
Is reached. and the sheets split from
the remainder are surrounded by a
wide margin Of worthless material.
But the difficulties and losses OF
mica mining are far from being all
enumerated. Even when occurring In
blocks OF commercial size II is ren.
by one or more OF series OF defects,
which may be classed as color, specks.
ruling. ribbing and wedge formatio
II sometimes occurs literally pied with
black dots. consisting in general OF
black oxide OF iron or garnet, and
when even few OF these are present
Its commercial value is destroyed be
cause such mica when used as an insu-
lator Is peculiarly liable TO puncture
the specks forming practically short
circuits for the electric current. The
same Is true OF streaks, which are
sometimes turned to red rust.
Some otherwise excellent mica is
found to be ruled or cut, as IL were,
with series OF perfectly straight
lines, parallel to one side Of the crys-
tai, so that on being split the mica
falls Immediately into strips; or again,
instead Of being striped or ruled, the
mica is Often deeply ribbed or CORFU.
gated parallel TO the adjacent edges OF
the crystal, so as to give the appear.
ance Of the letter A, or, rather, V,
whence ii Is termed "a mica" AS the
ribbed portion has TO be cut away in
the sheet, such mica is Improbable
unless the blocks be large. Wedge
mica Is that I'm which the block is
thicker at one end than the other. the
laminn partaking in the uneyenness,
Such blocks are wholly worthless ex-
cept as scrap.-Engineering Magazine.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
THORNTON.

The Banda Roma will furnish music al
Brighton Park. today.
The woonsockets and the Crescents
play ball here today.
Deputy Sheriff Sweet Of Providence
was In town on Tuesday
ALFRED Bsxandsle and Joseph Pratt len
Thursday evening tor a lew days stay In
Philadelphia.
Shopping tickets OF the New England
Trust Co. can be obtained at the Thorn.
ton Furniture store.
All kinds OF job printing done promptly
and at reasonable rates at the TIMES
Office. Olneyville Square.
Trinity Sunday was observed by spe-
cial musical program on Sunday last a.
, the Church OF the Nativity.
A horse belonging to Teddy" Cooper
60, mlred near the Pavilion, Sunday, and
broke leg. IL was shot by Town Ser.
geant Kimball.
Get byour lawn mower shnrpened, a
good Job guaranteed, 7scts. Machine
work OF all kinds. Hughes & Aitkin, 38
Plainfeld street, OlneyvlIle.
Stephen Burdlck cut one OF his fingers
very badly while at work In his shop on
Tuesday. lie received surgical attention
at the Thornton drug store.
Thirty new members we're received into
the Thornton Congregational church on
Sunday. This addition nearly doubles
the membership or the church.
"The White Lilies" an OlneyyIlle
base ball team, came out here on Sunday
TO "do" the Thorntons. When II was all
over the Thorntons had won by a score
of 10 to 8.
The Italian Societies, Garlbaldi and
Umber,o hold joint picnic today In Sim
mons orchard. The usual programme
Of parades, band concerts, and fire works
will be carried out.
The Brown Glee Club gave pleasing
entertainment In Calefs Hall on Tues.
day evening. The entertainment which
was for the benefit of the Congregational
Chapel. was we'll patronized.
Prof Blocks reception on Monday
evening was a great success. About
seventy five people were present, many
coming out fom the city. Dancing was
the principal attraction and during the
intermission refreshments we're served.
Spot" an Intelligent bull dog, owned
by Councilman Dalton, met with an accl.
dent this week and WAS so badly injured
that 1t was found necessary to kill him.
He got beneath a falling bale of hay and
thus shortened his years OF usefulness.
Tnstelen Chill Tonic for malaria.
Packing Csmphor, Iocts. per can. Bug
Poison, I9cts. per can; Moth Balls, sets.
per pound Cedar Lavender, I5cts. per
package: Psine's Celery, 69ctsj Duny's
Malt, 7scts. at A. o. Smiths drug store.
Caefs Block, Thornton, X. /.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

An offender against Russian laws
was photographed in six different
positions, and the pictures were cii-
culated among the police depart
ments. The chief of one department
wrote to headquarters few days
after the issue of the portraits /:
"Sir-I have duly received the por-
traits of the six miscreants whose
capture is desirable. have arrested
five of them, and the sixth is under
observation and will be secured
shortly. Exchange.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
Hope for DysDsDtlcs
The New Cure a Wonder.

MIo-sA, the new vegetable cure for
dyspepsia, has brought not only hope, but
health and strength 20 thousands Of dys-
peptics who had become despondent over
the failure Of all so-called dyspepsia cures
TO give them more than temporary relief.
The new treatment Is wonder 20 all
who use ~, and yet the explanation for
this Is plain when we understand that IL
Is the only remedy ever given which has
for It's object the cure OF the disease itself,
and not the symptoms. In truth the
whole success Of MIO.EA lies In the fact
that IL heals the diseased organs them
selves. 10 does not decompose the food,
convert IL into a putrid mass and take
away It's nourishing and strengthening
properties, as ~ the case when pepsins and
other digestive ferments are used.
Instead, MI-O-SA soon puts the organs
into such healthy condition that they
do the work Of digestion themselves, and
as intended by our Maker, extract from
the. food all those qualities which go 70
make pure blood, strong muscles, steady
nerves, an active brain, and a healthy
body
This Is why MI-o-EA has cured more
people Of dyspepsia during the past four
months than al other remedies combined
during the last century.
Gastritis, indigestion, nervous dyspep-
sia, heartburn, sour stomach, and fatu-
lency are only symptoms Of diseased diges-
tive organs and not diseases in themselves.
Cure these organs and the symptoms will
Immediately disappear.
MONA Will do this, doit quickly, surely
and permanently
Just take one little tablet after each
meal and the most confirmed dyspeptic
can eat anything fit 20 eat, and his brain,
nerves and body will receive that nourish-
ment which can only be furnished by per-
feet digestion.
MI-O-NA IL sold by
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
Letter to William Capwell.
Olneyville, r. I,

Dear Sir: Mr.. II. II. Stephenson, Cash.
Ter OF OH City PA. Savings Bank writes:
''Nine years ago | painted my house with
your paint. II wore 90 well, want TO
use II again.
That's nothing wonderful except for the
fact that the soft coal region OF Pennsyl.
vania 10 pretty hard on paint with its oil.
smoke and CRIME. All we zee in II 10
that Devoe is good for nine years some
times. There are thousands OF people
that know Il, and millions that don't.
There's the rub We print for the mil.
lions; we want 10 make paint for the mil
llons.
Mr.. Cashier, do you know that Devoe
lead and zinc is worth twice as much ss
old fashioned painters paint, lead and
oil. and coats no morei ls 100 per cent
Q fair profit In your businesi
Three quarters Of the people paint lead
and oil mixed by hand; while the Y. S.
Government use lead, zinc and oil ground
together By mschinery-ssme proportions
O. Devoe lead and Zinc. The majority
never IL right about anything.
Yours truly.
7S F.w. DEvoE & Co.
r. s. John T. Collison sells our paint.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
His scheme.

Filbert-Aren't you afraid to be so
Knowing about poker when your wife
is arOund2
Kilty-Quite the contrary. 1t is the
man who laughs the loudcst over
poker joke who knows the least about
the game. My wife knows that, and 1t
Is my cue TO be the man who does the
loud laughter. Boston Transcript.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

AN exchange says "If an editor
were to snap at all the inducements
held out he would soon be million
aire. If he ran paper in accord
with the popular notion he would
soon be in the almshouse. II he
published half the items sent him, he
would be in Jail one half the time
and in the hospital the other half"
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
Wants others to Know.

~ have used DeWitt's Little Early
Risers for constipation and torpid liver.
and they are all right. lam glad to en-
dorse them for think when we find q
good thing we ought to let others know
IT," writes Alfred IIeinze, Quincy, Ill.
They never gripe or distress. Sure, safe
pills. f. NJ. Spencer, North Scituate /;
N. f. Reiner, Cen,erdalei T. r. Parker,
Olneyvile.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

AN exchange warns the beef trust
by saying that it should not be for
gotten that DIR. Tanner worried along
forty days on diet of water alone.
1t might be added that many milk
dealer would cite cases where this
record has frequently been broken.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

BIRDS and snakes left Mont Pelee
several days before the great erup-
ton, but human beings in the neigh
borhood "reasoned away" the danger
and were overwhelmed. Instinct at
times has its advantages Newport
Mercury.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

The TINES has received a copy Of
the pamphlet entitled "Wonderland,"
which is issued by the passenger de-
partment of the Northern Pacific
Railroad.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

The experience of Scituate. Bur
rillville and Westerly in caucuses
this spring is reminder that a per-
usal Of the state laws is sometimes
desirable.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

THE Providence school committee,
IN its present policy of economy and
retrenchment, seem to be following
the old habit of locking the stable
door after the horse is stolen.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

THE chances seem TO favor a cessa-
ton Of the Boer war, but the Olney-
Vile strike shows little sign Of a
speedy termination.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

"YEs," said the tramp, as he
lightly breathed the foam from oil
the top of the amber beer, 81 am a
Bohemian glass blower"
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

IF J. p. Morgan of New York
lives and keeps at 1t, he will get HIM
self into the position Of Alexander
the Great and weep because there
are no more worlds to conquer.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
DISTRICT MANAGER WANTED.

leading old-line Life Insurance Cornpa-
ny desires at once the services of an active
and successful underwater TO net a : district
manager at Pawtucket, with headduarters
at Pawtucket, X. L. A liberal first year and
renewal contract will be given To the right
man. Address, stating age ana experience,
Progress" Box 1850 Providence, II. l.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

THE Martinique volcanoes are
calming down, but the volcanic head.
ings in the Providence News con-
tinue.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
priyileues Limited.

The Cook-Ah done fiah'd dat man
outen de kitchen. ma'am, TO stealth
yo' sugah.
The Mistress-You did perfectly right
Mary.
The Cook -les'm. lie amt got nC
right TO TO steal yo' Sugah. He ain't
workln' heuh. Baltimore News.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
+
mEaNS 'TaKE"
PRESCRIPTIONS.

We take special care 10 fll pre-
scriptions correctly and promptly
and know that our drugs are abso-
lutely pure. We take no chances on
this latter point, and you can't afford
to take any chances in the filling Of
your prescriptions. The BEST PHAR-
MAcIsT is the one you want to
patronize. We employ nothing but
Registered Pharmacists in preparing
prescriptions.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

When a place has an abnormal
number Of drug stores, it can be safe
ly set down as temperance town.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

He only confers favors generously
who appears, when they are once con
ferred, to remember them no more
johnson.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

ACCORDING to Riders Book Notes
Neutakonkanut is spelled in forty
four different ways.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
Dissolution Of Partnership.

Nalpey & Kelley have dissolved partner
ship. Mr.. a. c. Kelley will continue the
business at No. no Plainheld street, An
nexed District
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30


wonderfully successful in promptly curing
lame back, kidney. bladder, uric acid ,rou.
bles and Brighi's Disease, which Is the wors,
form Of kidney trouble.
Or. Kilmer's Swamp-Root Is no, rec
ommendedf for everything but ifyou have kid
ney, liver or bladder trouble Il will be found
just the remedy you need lihas been tested
In so many ways, in hospital work, IN private
practice, among the helpless too poor TO pur-
chase relief and has proved so successful in
every case that special arrangement, has
been made by which all readers Of this paper
who have not already tried q, may have a
sample bottle sent free BY mail, also book
telling more about Swamp-Root and how 10
find on, you have kidney or bladder trouble.
When writing mention reading this generous
offer IN this paper and fyF
send your address to Osf-are11SR
Or. Kilmer & Co., ,Bing- b sI.......i.:.
hamton, N. Y. The <h.i.k1n.WWu
regular fifty cent and Home Of s-.np-noos
dollar sizes are sold by all good druggists
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

cures made BY Or.
Kilmer's Swamp-Root,
the great kidney, liver
and bladder remedy.
II is the grea, medi-
caltriumph Of the nine
teenih century dis
covered after years Of
scientific research by
DR.. kilmer, the emf
nent kidney and blad-
Ger rNasfattrt - A..
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

A professor of astronomy should
be man of high ideas.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

Some dentists work too cheap. They don't
charge enough to pay for reliable materials,
skillful workmanship, or time unicient To
do work carefully. They hurry. Hurried
dentistry Is always bad aud often danger.
Gus.
Careful, durable dental work costs only II
little more at this establishment than bad,
hurried work costs In places said To be
cheap. We do good work cheaper than
others because association effects saving
In rent and general expenses We do work
better than others because we have special
lists for each branch.
We have been here over eleven years. In.
quirc about u.s. Financial reference Indus.
trial Trust Company.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
CorriSan,
THE APOTHECARY.
OLNEYVILLE SQUARE.
REMOVAL.
Humans Practical School of
Shorthand

Has removed TO large ana elegant quarters
ie the GroSyenor Building, lj2 WeybOsset,
corner Eddy. The best of everything In
Busines. Education, with tuition end terms
within reach OF all. No student teachers.
only experts In charge Of instruction. Night
lar.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30

WESTERLY is having a flag pole
war. How patriotic
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
U. 5. DENTHL HSSOCIHTl0N
$50 Westminster ST..
Telephone 9CSl, Union, PROVIDENCE
DO YOU GET UP
WITH A LAME BACK !?
Kidney Trouble Makes You Miserable.

Almost everybody who reads the news.
papers is sure 10 know Of the wonderful
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1902-05-30
PRICES

GOLD FILINGS slOO UP; OTHER FILL
INGs 30 CENTS UP; GOLD CROWNS AMI
BRIDGE WORK stOO UP; ARTIFICIAL
TEETH slOO UP.
All other work at proportionRtc prices.
No charge for examination or advice.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-07-01

new aerial truck whenever he sees fit.
He has been authorized to purchase
good fire horses whenever he gets the
opportunity. Horses suitable for the de-
partment are scarce.
Dr. J. T. Mcfarland, of the Topeka
First Methodist church, is one of the
leading speakers at the Chautauqua as
sembly at Boulder, Colorado, which be-
gins within a few days and continues
during July. DR.. Mcfarland will have
charge of the Sunday school work.
The hackmen are kicking on the hack
fares as regulated by the city ordinances
They say the fares are too low. The
man who pays hack fare in Topeka
feels like he is being held up by Beau
Brocade and being robbed in the most
up-to-date manner. What do hackmeE
want to be, millionaires in six weeks?
The room which the Republicans were
talking of renting above Weightman's
drug store for headquarters have beer
secured by the Santa Fe road. The
Santa F'e will use the rooms for storing
old documents from the general offices
The basement of the same building is
is already filled full of ancient records