Atlanta semi-weekly journal. (Atlanta, Ga.) 1898-1920, 1902-03-10
". ]. BRYAN JOKES
ON HIS CAMPAIGN
A DEAD MAN WHO MIGHT HAVE
HAD DECENT FUNERAL If HE'D
KEPT, HIS MOUTH SHUT.

NEW YORK, March s-William j.
Bryan, who described himself as "a coun-
try editor from the plains was the guest
of honor at the Press clubs spring smok-
er last night, and for half an hour he
amused his fellow newspaper men with
funny stories and incidental references to
his political past and future. says The
New York World.
He began with a story apropos of the
declaration that he had defeated HIM
self by talking too much:
"I didn't tell this story in the cam
paign," he said. "A man died in town
and no one knew him. They took him
to the morgue, where a young man came
and said 1t was his father. He ordered
a handsome funeral. The undertak er
put the body in readiness for fine burial.
and when all was prepared the son came
in to take a farewell look. Just then the
corpses mouth fell open and set OF false
teeth rolled out. It's not my father, ,
cried the young man, and refused TO pay
for the funeral.
''The indignant undertaken protested
but 1t was no use. He pulled the BODY
out of the upholstered doffin. remarking
angrily: You idiot. you might have had
glorious burial Ia you'd only kept your
mouth shut Well. that story doesn't hurt
by feelings now. I'm used to 1t.
Story No. 2-"My mouth has been sub
ject for criticism ever since 1 entered pol
itics. When look in the glass feel there
is room for criticism. 1 spoke during the
campaign in a little Illinois town. In front
OF me sat a man rigidly attentive. he
drank in every word said; I think he had
drank in something else besides. When l
finished he came up and wrung my hand.
My Bryan he said, you are wonderful,
wonderful You are the first man 1 ever
saw whose back teeth I could see all the
time he was speaking'"
Story No. 81 enjoy the cartoons, even
though they are at my expense. There
was one 1 enjoyed best of all. 1t appeared
just after the Kansas City convention. 1t
represented me as a topper standing In
state of utter intoxication in front Of a
gin mill "a bottle in my hand'labeled 16 to
l. David B. Hill was represented as a
little girl. with braided hair down his
back. tugging at my coat-tails and plead
ing: Father, Dear Father, Come Home
with Me Now"
Story No. 4-"Back In 1883 I took part
in my first campaign. In the fifty speech
es made 1 explained as well as I could
the reasons why l thought the Republi-
can candidate for governor should not be
elected. / went more into detail than 1
do now. After the election and the Re
publican candidate had been elected by
rs, 600 majority, I felt that the governor
elect must feel a little hard toward me
for the part had taken against him.
II felt nervous every time 1 was in his
presence. expected him to reproach me.
A few months afterwards we were on the
same platform and 1 was all trepidation.
1t was a mixed program, and the COVER
nor introduced the speakers. When it
came my turn a man whispered, w. J..
Bryan next He said: I introduce W. j..
Bryan Then as I stepped forward he de-
tanned me by holding out his hand. Twas
greatly agitated. remembering how had
antagonized him. He said: Beg pardon,
Mr.. Bryan, do you speak or sing?'
Story No. ST. have had occasion sew
eral times to say that I am not a candi-
date for any office and have no plans for
any nomination whatever. I thought had
made the statement broad. A young re-
porter came to me the other day in st.
10 and asked me the question over: DO
you mean to say that you would not run
for Office under any conditions whatever
at any time during the rest Of your life?'
1 told him that was asking too much. L
said, won't give bond for life.' He sent
II out pretty accurately. One editor hes
said of that statement: IF Bryan decides
to give bond he will find plenty Of securi-
ties
Editor Bryan said he was only the editor
of a country weekly.
81 am in the newspaper business" said
he, but can't say that entered 1t vol
UNFAIRLY. There were some circumstances
that led to it. 1t is very congeniaL 1t is
hard to compare it with speaking. have
had two opportunities to speak. and find
that 1 failed to convince the majority of
the American people of the merit Of my
proposition. find writing the best"
He said he had no feelings against those
who left the Democratic party because he
was nominated. He believed in controver-
sy and free speech. Not even cartoons
should be suppressed.