davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
What ls Necessary.

"You never can make that kind Of
dog fashionable" said the expert.
why not?" asked the novice in
canine affairs.
Because replied the expert, che
isn't small enough to be useless, stu
pd enough to be utterly worthless or
ugly enough to be interesting
This man. it may be said. had made
a study OF the pets of fashion.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
Everything on Earth.

Il have lost my wife," said the sad
looking man to the floorwalker of a
mammoth modern department store.
"Oh, see," replied the hoorwalker;
you wish to buy another; our marked
down sale of secondhand wives is
now going on up on the twenty-third
floor-elevator to your right"
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
In Kentucky.

Gayboy-They never say in Ken
lucky that man takes to anything
like a duck to water. They have a
better phrase.
Rounder-What is it?
Gayboy-Like a Colonel to corn
juice.-Judge.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
Driven to II.

Gladly "Maggies neck is certain
ly beautiful, but | don't think she
ought to show so much Of it, do you?"
Fred cher cousin)-"Well, you see,
she has neither face, figure. nor mon
ey; it's simply a case of neck or moth
ing with her"
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
The Annual DELUXE.

Cobwigger-Do you know, my boy,
why the minister's prayers for rain
have not been answered?
Freddy guess God is saving 1t
up for the day when the Sunday
school gives the picnic.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
The Auerade All RIGHT.

"Do they set good table at your
clearinghouse"
We'll. the average is good"
What do you mean by that"
Why, the butter is strong and the
coffee is weak. but II you consider
them both together the average is sat
isfactory."
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
The Genuine Panama.

Marie, where is my new Panama"
New? Why, that yellow and bent
up hat didn't look as if it was new"
WE'LL, where is it?'
why, it looked so old ! cut holes
in each side and made bonnet for
the mare"
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
The Time Had Passed.

Mr.. Borem-Dear me. when I'm
enjoying myself | quite forget the
flight of time. Don't hesitate to tell
me when it's time to go.
Miss Tyre-Dout-Its too late now.
You should have asked me to do that
long ago.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Congressman Galusha \. Grow, who
has just celebrated his eighticth birth
day anniversary. has declined a rcnom'
nation. Probably he wants to get into
some regular business while he is in
his prime.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
Not Necessary.

Why" exclaimed her brother scorn-
fully, Il don't believe that beau of
yours could lift $50 pounds"
He doesn't have to-" she answered
riumphantly. Il only weigh 1l5.'
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
That Was Different.

Fond Parent-Why in the name OF
gumption is that kid of Nexdore's
yelling around our yard?
Fond Parentess-Why, George? I'm
surprised at you! That is our own
little Gladys singing.
Fond Parent-Oh!
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
Lifetime on the Ocean.

Capt. Il. w. F<ler of Boston. has
sailed more than $4,000 miles and
has passed around Cape Horn twenty.
two times.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

A Philadelphia man who has been
counting woman for twenty-onc
years has finally won her hy whistling
Darling | Am Growing Old.'
girl in another town would have de-
manded that he grow young.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

1t must he admitted however, that
the people who insist on returning to
Martinique deserve fully as much
sympathy as the man who comes to
grief hunting for the North Pole,
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Before a wedding could proceed
down in Kentucky the groom had to
throw two brothers of the bride out
of the church window. Here is one
woman at least who may be sure of IA
protecting hand.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

There are more than 1000 million
aires in this country, but only few
of them succeed in getting their
names in the papers with any de-
gree of regularity.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

The deer hunters in the Adiron-
dacks are engaged in their annual
practice of shooting men by mistake.
Moral: Don't hunt deer in the Adir-
OndaCkS.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
Something Worse.

Roe Shelle-Why did jerks kill
his wife's parrot? Did it take to
swearing?
Newark Branch-Worse. 1t took to
initiating the lawn mower.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Then, too, Bartholin may have
been moved by the laudable desire
to save the people of Illinois the
trouble and expense of a murder
trial.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

A leading financial writer estimates
Senator Clark's nest egg at S25,OOO,-
coo. Mr.. Clark is one of the men who
will receive circulars this winter
about hard coal.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Fourteen Indiana people have been
upset by eating cookies, yet the
western papers crticise the cheerful
pie of Yankeeland.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

King Alfonso's announcement that
he will marry a millionaircss instead
of a princess leads to the belief that
the young man is not much of lun
attic after all.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
Brotherly Love.

Nance-"Jack Morton proposes in
me; he has only known me a week."
The Brother-"Oh, then. perhaps he
does"
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Emperor Williams great naval vic
tory over the Haitian gunboat entities
him to admission to the ranks of the
heroic sea dogs.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

King Alfonso is right however,
about American girls being the
gmartcst and handsomcst in tho
world
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

How many times did the girls say:
Speak for yourself, joint" mt the
reunion of John Aldcn's descendants
at DuXbury?
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Even If David II. Hill had kissed a
girl he is too much Of a gentleman
to own up.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Grand Duke Boris drank wine from
the slipper of a Chicago Cinderella. 1t
is safe to say he did not empty the
bucket at a draught.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

The indications are that the army
and navy will have to go out in the
alley after all to settle which really
won in the sham fight.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

King Alfonso says he is going to
marry the girl he wants. That's
right; speak up, Alfey, and ii she says
no hit her good slap ON the wrist.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Russia and Turkey are now having
a dispute. It's mp to thc sultan TO
make another neat little batch OF
promises.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Prices for all the necessaries of
life are going up. From Peoria comes
the news that whisky has been adj
vanced a cent a gallon.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Emperor William mas POO trunks
out on the field The horrors Of
mimic warfare are just awful.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

A land trust is being organized in
ireland, probably for The better pro
lection of the old sod.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

When doctor sues dentist the
Iong-suffering public, though it come
not by its own, can afford to chuckle
in It's sleeve.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
A Good Definition.

Sammy" said the teacher, what
is meant by nutritious food?"
Something to eat that amt got no
taste to it," replied Sammy.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Holmes says wisdom is the alb
stract OF the past, but beauty is
promise of the future In other
wards. beauty is a promissory note.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Mrs. Roosevelt refused to entertain
the Grand Duke Boris. Perhaps she
needed her slippers.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

A monument to Adam is proposed.
to be built by chips of the old block.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

What lot Of trouble Bartholin
could have saved If he had done 1t
few weeks earlier.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

The Boer irreconcilablCs seem to
be mainly the patriots who were not
in the fighting.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Sir Wilfrid Laurier declined peer,
age. What an enigma he must be to
William Waldorf Astor.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
An Adequate Supply.

"Henpeck has given. up smoking,
Ell? That takes a good deal of will
power"
Eyes; his wife has IT,"
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
THE HUMOR OF LIFE
FEW ITEMS SHOWING THE
BRIGHTER SIDE OF THINGS.

His Wife's Dowry--Sammy's Re.
markahIc Definition Of Nutritious
ELECTROMAGNETIC Work Done on
an Empty Stomach.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Once more the odor Of moth balls
announces the approach of winter.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
A Paradox.
your fuse

You are so dreadfully ugly, dear.
that it must be that | love you, or
| would not think you so handsome
-Jugend
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09

Few people know what they Cont
want until after they get it.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-10-09
How 10 Dawn Smokers.

A Cleveland man has sued manu-.
featuring concern for $4,000 because
smoke from its chimney have ruined
his flowers.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-18
W. SS zH 81

a moment, thro' the incense
laden air, came a voice from
without, telling of the calm of
the night which harmonized so
we'll with the celebration.
The tread of feet, the ever
receding chant led us on, and
we too. visited the grotto whose
walls had looked down-so ira
dition says-upon the birth of
the Christ, the visit of the
shepherds and the alteration of
the three wise kings. The babe
was placed upon the spot,
marked as Christ's birthplace;
laid on the altar which marks
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-18
Christmas 1000 Years Ago And Now.

BY Martin Myers, Fellow of the
American College at Jerusalem
IT., Christmas eve in Belhe
hem. We stand with the great
throng in the Church of the
Natlvity-on the very spot
where 1000 years ago the great
est drama in the worlds history
began. Here the Saviour was
born in a lOwly manger. Turn
to your Bible and read what
happened on that day, ana
learn how the great event is
celebrated in the same place
to day.
The rolling tones of the or,
gan. swelling and expanding
with the joyous tones of the
festive music, announced that
the mass was beginning and the
professional approac h n
Gowned choristers. shaver
monks, stoled priests. novice
and brothers, lay and eccleslas
teal, entered into ii seeming
endless sarray, chanting tn
festal,,hymn. Last came tn
robed bishop, with crosier' an
mitre, blessing all as he mad
his way through the kneelin'
crowd. Then Cfollowed tn
Catholic consuls and the
suites, preceded by their k;
vases, all of whom took the
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-18
seats before the altar rail.

seats before the altar rail.
Then began the brilliant GER.
emory which was to last five
hours.
At the high altar all was
glitter and glow. The investi
ture o. the bishop began. and
the chorus. rich with it's numer
Gus manly voices, commenced
its long but glorious service of
song. The very air throbbed
and thrilled as the five score or
more voCes rang out loud and
clear and pure.
The magnificent ritual made
It's way through the hours,
whose passing was hardly no.
ticed by the exalted worshipers
or the interested spectators.
The host had been elevated and
consecrated, and the perfect
stiffness of midnight held sway
for d moment over the vast
! throng. The bells tolled the
hour, musical and sweet. Hard
lily had the last stroke of l.
sounded cut when above the
altar curtain was drawn from
before a small closet, and thu
figure of tiny, born bab'
was exposed to the eyes of tn
wondering multitudes.
II Once more did the chime
ring out in mad joy. The Chris
=. was born! Bell We'd with bell i
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-18

mad deliriums of Joy and hap
pinesS. THE Christ is born"
was on every lip, ami the rich
voiced chorus sang as it never
sang before Of the Joy that was
in the worshipers' hearts, and
memory called to mind the
scene on that memorable eve
the wearied mother, with her
child in her lap, receiving the
congratulations of her fellow
sojouruers that a man child
was born. The joy of that
mothers heart, the pride of her
simple soul! The yelling word S
OF praise and gratitude0to Him
who gave her her hearts de.
sire!
Silence once more and the
droning voices of the Off ciants
| were heard again. The story
had been lived once more and
time had been cheated by the
elaborated ritual of the church.
At last came the great feature
of the service. Great candles
were lighted and distribu ted
among the choir, the clergy
and cousulars. The choir be
gan to disgorge it's seemingly
, infinite contents and two by
two, the choristers, in red auC
black and white and brown
chanting, ever louder and loud
err, led the way to the chapel o
the Nativity itself. The taper
cleaned titfully in the distanc,
among the halls and chapels o
the great church of rather con
geries of churches. The consu
lars followed and last of all
came the bishop, carrying i
his arms a basket of straw o.
which reclined the figure of
babe in swaddling clothes
whose hand was raised in bene
diction. The faithful kneele
|. as the august figure of the prizes
Q approached and kissed the hel
: of his consecrated robes. Th
: chants grew fainter and fainte
t. as the procession withdrew
and as we remained behind fc
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-18
Has Cured Thousands. Will Cure You.

Has Cured Thousands. Will Cure You.
If you are troubled with Kidney or
Bladder troubles. such as Dropsy,
Bright's Disease, Catarrh, Gravel of
the Bladdyr, Albumen in Urine and
unhealthy deposits, or too frequent
discharge of the urine, pain in the
back and bladder, dropsical swellings
ofthe feet and legs, ETC., we guarantee
that by using Smiths Sure Kidney
Cure, complete cure will be effected.
Price so cents and $l.00. For sale by
j. j. Fitzpatrick.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-12-18

the spot of the crib and then
the procession reformed and
made its way again to the
church, and the service was
soon ended,
Omaha daily bee., 1902-06-05
STREET CAR MEN QUIT WORK
Contest over Ten-HOur Law in
Rhode Island Results in
Strike.

PROVIDENCE, R. l., June Avery
street car line in Rhode Island, barring
those in Newport, Woonsocket and Foster,
which are Independent companies. was tied
up at midnight. This was the result of a
decision reached by division 200 Of the
Amalgamated Association Of Street Railway
Employees at a special meeting.
A ten-hour bill for street railway en-
ployes was unanimously adopted by the
general assembly last fall. 1t was to go
into effect last Sunday. On Saturday the
United Traction company posted notices to
the effect that the ten-hour act was uncon-
stitutional and that It was the intention
to test II IN the supreme court. Division
No. 200 yesterday afternoon sent an ulti-
matum to the United Traction company.
which is about to be controlled by a big
Philadelphia syndicate.
The demand included a specific observ-
ance of the ten-hour law; that all en-
ployes now receiving more than 1926 q day
shall continue to have the same wage fol-
ten hours work; that all others shall be
| paid 20 cents an hour for ten consecutive
hours the first year and 22h cents an houl
for ten consecutive hours thereafter; tina
all employees other than gripmen. motor
men and conductors, whether in the cal
houses, repair shops or power houses. shall
be employed not exceeding nine hours
day and have the same pay given them AM
that all work Of more than ten hours shall
be at the rate of rs cents ar hour.
II these concessions we're not agreed L
It was declared the entire system of tn
United Traction company would be tied Ut
beginning at midnight. The company re
fused to grant these demands.
Omaha daily bee., 1902-06-05
Summer Energy and
Activity.
II You Are Nervous,D espondent
SleeplesS, irritable, or out.
Of Sorts In June,
PAINE'S CELERY
VIII Give You Nerve Force,
Fresh Energy, Vigor, and
New Health.

June should be the banner month Of the
year for the enjoyment OF nature and life.
II men and women are not physically cap
able OF enjoying the good things OF nature
and home so bountifully provided by an
All-Wise Creator, the fault is their own In
the majority OF cases.
Our nervousness. insomnia. dependency,
and irritableness are continual and forcible
reminders OF III health and disease. Their
continuance in June means unhappiness and
misery; their Punishment by the use OF
Paine's Celery Compound means energy, &C
tivity, vigor, and full ability to enjoy
Heavens best gifts, Thousands are now
acquiring rugged health and buoyant spirits
through the use Of Pafne's Celery Com
pound. The blessings of health. home. and
nature will be your portion II you wisely
use the great medicine this month. II
truly makes people we'll.
Omaha daily bee., 1902-06-05
MExicANs SUFFER A DEFEAT
Overwhelmed byas Yaquis, and Coma
PEELED to Retreat to
~ HermosiIIo.

TUCSON, Ariz., June 4.-The uprising
among the Yaqui Indians is becoming gen.
eral. A detachment Of seventy-three men
from the force of General Torres, who is
pursuing the Yaquis In the Mazatan noun
talns, east Of Hermosillo, was ambushed
and thirty Of the number killed. Captain
Celso Gomez and Lieutenant Jose Vallejo Of
the Twentieth battalion were among the
slain. Only one escaped unhurt.
The Mexicans ran out of ammunition and
engaged in a hand-to-hand battle with the
Yaquis. Fifty Of the latter were reported
killed, but their great number overwhelmed
the Mexicans. The survivors retreated to
Hermosillo. Fifteen Of them were wounded.
General Torres has retreated and sent out
scouts loyal to the government. Refugees
arriving at Hermosillo report that every
where the Yaquis have taken the war path.
Three stations on the Sonora railroad have
been abandoned and the telegraph operators
have left. General Luis Torres. in COM
mand OF the Mexican troops, has been re-
inforced by his brother. Lorenzo Torres,
with 200 mounted men. 1t Is estimated that
there are 1000 Yaquis, we'll armed, as
sembled in the foothills of the Mazatan
mountains.
The Mexican forces are short OF ammuni-
ton and arms and through the authorities
at Nogales all available arms and Ammuni-
tion at Tucson was ordered shipped Mon,
day.
The Yaquis captured twenty-five stands
Of arms in the ambuscade Sunday. Runners
arriving at Hermosillo report fearful cruel
ties at the ambuscade, which occurred Mon
day near Aquatic.
AS soon as the expected enforcement
arrive General Torres will attack the Yaquil
in the mountains and a decisive battle II
expected then.
Adyices from Torres state that in tn
fighting Saturday between the Mexican sol
diers under Governor label and the Yaqul
on Sonora river, eighteen Yaquis and thre
Mexicans were killed. There we're 400 In
dams. Genera Torres has taken the hel
with the Twentieth regiment and a detach
ment Of cavalry. Colonel Katerhitze is com
ing from Magdalena with his forces dow
the San Miguel river TO the Sonora. wher
he will form a junction with Governor IL
abel. Another strong force Of men hA
moved to the Bacatale mountains, a forme
stronghold Of the Yaquis, to head them o
in that direction. The government conf
IDENTIFY expects tina between these force
the Yaqui forces will be captured or de
stroyed.
Omaha daily bee., 1902-06-05
A BIG GARNER.
Good Food Pays Better Than Any
other Investment.

Money put into properly selected food
that brings health and maintains II is bet
ter invested than any other way.
A man who had spent hundreds Of dollars
in medicines to try and get well writes that
the past year he has used 1876 packages Of
Grape-Nuts. He says. Several years ago
/ had two severe shocks Of paralysis, bring
ing on general nervous debility. / was not
able to do work Of any kind for several
years.
doctored hundreds OF dollars away
About a year ago I began using Grape
Nuts Breakfast Food ana have so steadily
gained in strength and health that since
last July I have worked every day at col
lecting for a large company, walking several
miles a day and have not enjoyed better
health for over 30 years than do now,
/ am able to use all kinds Of food. but do
not eat much besides orape-Nuts and
Postum Food Coffee" w. =. Albro, 207
Chestnut ST.. Scranton. Pa
Don't overlook the recipe book In each
package OF GrapesNutSs
Omaha daily bee., 1902-06-05
POUR SHOTS INTO MOB
CONTINUED from First Pass.I

Continued from First Page.)
their sympAthlEers wrenched clubs from the
policemen and used them against their own
ers. Meanwhile several men had gained
a position Of advantage on the elevated
loop. from which they nred missiles at the
officers. In this way ofheer John MCGUIRE
was hit in the head with a horseshoe and
so seriously injured that he had to be taken
to a hospital. oa1oer John Lineneurjal was
less seriously hurt. Gus Billings. one OF
the crowd. Was dubbed into lnsensibilIty
by the police and he. too. was taken to a
hospital in a serious condition.
After the two Intellectual rushes at the
crowd mentioned the police managed to or
ganiEe themselves in better shape and for
the third time raahd the mob. This time
they were successful. A number Of heads
were hit, but their owners In most cases
escaped. Several sFreats were made. II
was impossible to obtain anything like a
complete list Of the injured
The decision Of The police 70 c0nnns theiI
Omaha daily bee., 1902-06-05
MAD DOG CREATES A PANIC
Bites Over a Dozen Persons at Ellsworth Be.
fore He is Killed.
ONE OF THE VICTIMS DIES IN HOSPITAL
All Dogs in the Town killed by order
of the Authorifies-several BIT
4 ten by Another Rabid Dos
at Missouri valley.

FORT DODGE, Ia. June 4~.-(special
Telegram People OF the village OF Ellis
worth, eighteen miles east OF here, are
panic stricken with fear Of a h~ydrophobia
epidemic. One man is dead and eight 9TH
ers are receiving treatment in the Pasteur
hospital in Chicago, as the result OF bites
received from one small pet canine. The
dog that caused the widespread trouble
was a village pet. About two weeks ago II
was bitten by a hound that later developed
unmistakable symptoms Of hydrophobia.
The hound and dog were killed, but not
until the dog had bitten twelve or fourteen
persons and several other dogs. Last Sat-
urday John oIeson, one Of the first victims,
developed symptoms Of rabies. Sunday he
was taken to the Pasteur Institute at Chi
cago, where he died in great agony on Mon
day. When news Of his death reached
Ellsworth IL created CONSERVATION and the
next train to Chicago carried eight people
who we're bitten. Among them are Mrs.
George Pearson and daughter, II. Severson
and Andrew lyon. Every dog in Ellsworth
has been killed by special order Of the
city council.
MISSOURI VALLEY, H., June 4.-(Spe-
cial.)-A mad dog was the cause of a
small-sized panic on the streets here yes
terday. Five people were bitten. among
the number being Policeman Kiss. who re-
ceiEed a bad bite on the hand while at
tempting to kill the animal. John Zah-
ner had the calf Of his left leg torn and
upon the advice of his physician he left
last night for Chicago. where he will re-
ceive treatment at the Pasteur institute.
The other three parties who were the un-
fortunate victims of the animal did not
receive such severe injuries and It is
thought they will not need to go to Chi
cago for treatment.
Omaha daily bee., 1902-06-05
Captain w. H. Gardner.

Captain W. H. Gardner died at the SOL
diers' home in L~eavenworth on June 8. He
was we'll known IN this city. being long as
sociated with General Dennis here, and the
last Of his working years he acted as clerk
In the postofhce.
Captain Gardner was a FIRST lieutenant OF
the Thirtieth Massachusetts, infantry dur
ing the civil war. At the close OF the war
he settled in South Carolina, where he held
a governmental position. He was a MEM
Der Of the U. S. Grant post No. 40 OF this
city. His wife was with him for the last
few weeks and took care Of him. 1t is not
definitely known where he will be buried,
but it is inferred that 1t will be at Leav-
enworth.