The Savannah morning news., 1902-07-13
IN THE BACKGROUND.
THE VIRTUE OF KEEPING ONES
FEELINGS SOMETIMES UNEX-
PRESSED.

AdaptabiIity in Married Life-DOn't
Waste Emotions on Things That
DO Not Matter Observation-Disclosures
ment is often the Happiest Course.
BY Harriet P. Spofford.
A woman begins upon her wedding
dav that suppression of herself and
her otherwise visible emotions that life
from year to year requires of her. Why
it has become a matter of established
and expected form that on the occa-
sion of the most sacred and personal
affairs of life-the bridal and the burial
doors should, be thrown open and
cloud of witnesses should be asked in
to view the exhibition, is explained
only by our love of the spectacular or
by the survival of the old interest in
gladiatorial shows and the batting of
the bear.
But the public wedding, in the crowd
ed church, or with the throng of
guests at home, has become usual
thing, and the brides business is to
look as lovely as fate allows and to
show no atom of emotion or of inner
feeling, neither that of a Venus Vic
trix or Of lamb led to the slaughter.
1t is not an easy task; but she usually
succeeds in it: and when we'll done
il helps her, with various previous ex-
periments, to keep in the background,
her life long, much of the visual evil
dence of herself which she finds it best
to reserve from sight and knowledge.
There may be many a thing about her
husband not to her taste; as with equal
possibility there may be much about
her not to his taste, either; things seen
in the familiarity of married life and
unguessed before. but which husband
or wife can no more change now than
the leopard can change his spots. The
husband the wife, was loved before, it
is still desired by both to love and to
be loved, to maintain the warmth of
mutual affection. each is still dear In
spite of any fault; and thus very
necessary suppression of personal tastes
and preferences takes place almost at
once.
If, for instance, a wife said just what
she thought. or showed just what she
felt, concerning her husbands friends
who come into her purview, there
would either be great disturbance
upon the spot, and it would be found
out who was master, or the husband
would take to meeting his friends
somewhere outside the home, where it
might be best neither for him nor for
her. Or, again, a wife perhaps OBJ
Jects to her husbands pipe or cigar;
but she knows very we'll that it is wise
not to waste herself upon the small
vices, but to reserve her reprobation for
the greater occasions. She may very
possibly find things that are unpleas-
ant to her in tho nf her h11 Ea nd c
1amily-but of what use to betray it?
Without question he may feel the same
ABOUT hers, and it gives away her adj
vantage to express it. There they are;
and the wisest and pleasantest course
Tor her is to suppress her feeling. And
IN the course of time the feeling that is
suppressed-unless exasperated to out
DurSt or stimulated to ranker growth
Almost ceases to exist. One thing
winch, as rule. never does cease to
exist, is her objection to the way in
which her husband corrects the chill
dren. Yet to lift an eyebrow about
II she knows is not only likely to make
d pad matter worse, but is bad for
the children themselves; and not by
look askance-unless positive and
uhoearable cruelty supervene-will she
discount the fathers influence and au-
thority.
Nor does any of this imply that
mere is to be the least deceit on the
part of the wife. If she is asked, or
II she finds it necessary, she will de-
care her state of mind; but expert
ehce and observation have shown her
that tact is the viceroy of success,
ana that it aecomplishes much more
enah the direct means of open OPP
position do.
moreover, great love will always
make her wish that her husband
should be first, should have his own
Wy Whenever it is possible; and it
.eHs her that he would too often give
up MS way for hers if he knew her
way We're other than his; and she fire.
puehtly derives her greatest happi-
fess IN keeping her differing way eff
,relually out of sight. Indeed that
oman whose marriage has been most
Ioo,.splcuously happy one, might tell
iIou' II she would-that it has been so
% seIy through a long f-effacement
Wy, suppression in many things, the
,ldhce of satisfaction being struck
~ others, and that it is not alone
s .ie women of the convent-cell who Are
VH only behind wells and lattices