Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-08-25
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"Have you succeeded In locating the
blame for this Dreyfus AFFAIR."" asked
the friend. Locating the blame"
echoed the worried French official;
''why, that isn't the object! We've
been trying to dislocate it!-Washing.
ton Star.
Chapleigh Dreaking the news)-
Your daughter and l have been mar
RED" The father-"Well. don't blame
that on me. If you have any grev
nnce at all it's against the minister
who tied the knot."-Philadelph
North American.
Don't you think you're making a
rather broad statement when you say
every pcssimist is necessarily mar
ried man" But l didn't say that"
ooh, didn't you? | thought you did"
mo; SAID every married man is nee
essarily Il pessmst. "-Philadelphia
Press.
81 would like to know" said the gruff
old father to the young man who had
been ealing with considerable freQuen-
cy. whether you are going to marry
lily utcl 1SO WOuil aus w tI-
ed the dliident young man. Would
you mind asking herT-Chicago Even
ing Post
Miss Antique-No. I'm not going to
Mrs. Whitehars reception. Miss Budd
Why not? "Oh, she always talks
about old times. and that makes me
tired; | don't see how you can stand
her" But, my dear, her subject is
new to most of us, you know."-New
York Weekly.
"A man who had been one of the pas
sengers Oh a shipwrecked vessel was
rescued almost by miracle. On ar
irving at place from which he could
send Il telegraphic message he forward
ed the following dispatch to his broth
err: Il am saved. Try to break it to my
wife. "-Youth's Companion.
Something must be done with those
boys of mine at college, exclaimed a
staid old citizen; they're wilder than
March hares and in hot water all the
time" "Oh, well. they're young yet,
and you must make allowances"
keeping me poor."-Detroit Free Press.
Admiral-"Inve the warrant-otficers
put on dress-suits. clean shirts. white
necktes, patent leather boots and kid
gloves. and are their opera hats on
straight" Sailor-"Aye. aye, yer
honor." Admiral-"Then let them open
fire upon the enemy; ! am going ashore
to a society reception. Town Topics
Fuuuy "ten,orLn o"""- that Of
Mrs. Blank" Duddy-"Ilaven hearu
about it. What was it!" Fuddy-
"She has recovered her voice. You
know she hasn't been able to speak for
three years. They induced her to join
in a game of whist, and she was talk
ing before she knew it."-Boston
Transcript.
.-Professor-"Iell me to
what class of maladies insomnia be-
longs" Observation-Disclosures. it's con-
tapious disease" ProfessOr-"l never
heard it so described. Where did you
learn this?" Student-"From expert
ence. sir. Whenever my neighbours dog
can't sleep I'm just as wakeful as he
is."-TitBits.
A Proud Record see that one OF
the newly appointed patrolmen MADE
an arrest within twenty minutes aitel
, he assumed his duties" said the Cd
? servant citizen to the experienced pc
liceman. That's nothing" smiled
, the latter: 81 went to sleep while m!
I'm
Baltimore American.
t Mrs. Waldo (of Boston)-l have
| letter from your Uncle James. Pencil
$ one. who wants us to spend the sum
r mer on his farm. Penelope obviously
4 is there any society in the ne1ghpor
: hood? Mrs. Waldo-Ive heard hin
f sneoll of the Holsteins and Guernseys
t | presume they are pleasant people,
I. Boston Christian Register.
/ 81 suppose Inere is great deal o.
t jealousy among your generals?" "a
d great deal" answered the F1lipih'
It chief, gloomily; I'VE have an arm!
S scandal ut hand. The man who claim
tn hold the record for long distance re
treats is accused of violating the rule
of such contests and using pace
e maker."- Washington Star.
Eminent Statesman-"Putt these mem
" oranda into tthe form of an interview
e and send it to all the papers. III II !
VOL received. | will interview mysel
oroin. and say that am glad to Sc
= the public agrees with me- frivat
~ Sccretary-"But suppose it Is not we
10 received:" Eminent statesman- ne
H. | will say that haven't seen reporte
Is for six months. boston transcript
, What" said the ordinary person
,, $500 for that little bit of porcelain
WHY. il isn't as big as Il mans hand
.It commands that price" said the dea
a, ION account of its history. IL has
n story that covers four sheets of pare
II mont and every word the truth
n We'll" said the ordinary person, AL
ave to say is that there seems to !
more truth than pottery. '-lndana
oils Press.
20 | have watched several storekeepe
T. closing up at night recently, and hay
Sc ALWAYS wondered why they leave the