Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-05-08
ONE ON THE DENTIST
HIS ADVERTISING SCHEME WORKED
LITTLE TOO WELL.

LONE way tne Best OF
"I'm through with freak advertising"
said the young dentist 1've had my
fling at trade secured through ilegitimate
tricks, and I've sworn off from further
cultivation Of the public in ways that are
dark.
1T was about six months ago that
first resorted to Irregular methods of Sc
curing patronage. Things were going
fairly well with me then, but l made up
my mind that I was entitled to still more
business and In order to secure my just
deserts awaited myself Of one Of those
idiotic advertising schemes. ] wrote let
tiers to total strangers whose names had
been picked up haphazard out of directo-
ries and newspapers and inclosed bills for
services rendered. These letters were all
modelled on the same copy. IL them l
suavely expressed my hope that the GUS
pids and bicuspids of my unknown pa
irons had been in good condition since
last treated them, and | generously sug-
gested that II they so desired would be
pleased to have them call and undergo a
dnal dental examination as guarantee
! OF thorough satisfaction before the pay
ment Of the inclosed bills. which ranged
from S25 to $50.
1
money out Of these bills. My obi'ct in
sending them was to arouse cui psity
among the fictitious debtors, who, having
never even heard Of me professionally or
| otherwise, would naturally be anxious to
find out something about me and the
strange circumstances Of their unmI,ited
bills. l had pursued this plan for tSout
| four months with tolerable success, when
l sent out n bill and the stereotyped let
| ter to n man who lived on West Twenty
third street and may be called Whitman
| for the purpose of the story. His bill was
for $25. That letter. like all the others,
was only stray shot fired at n very elu-
sive target, and the chance Of getting n
reply was only one in a thousand In that
| particular case the long shot won, and
two days after mailing the letter | was
honored with a call from Mr.. Whitman.
He had decidedly strenuous manner, and
his opening remarks fairly swept me off
my feet.
"'Hello. doc he said briskly. 4 got
your letter yesterday, and | was mighty
glad TO see that you are disposed to be so
accommodating about that work you did
on my teeth last week. The fact Is you
did an Internally poor job. The plugs
have Nil fallen out already. and you war
ranted them for ten years. That being
the cnse it's nothing more than common
justice that you should fix me up again.
had intended to kick against paying
your bill. but since you are willing to rec
tify your mistake. why. I'll give you an
other trial, and if you do all right the sec
ond trip III pay you the $2o without a
| murmur.'
Il stared Mt Mr.. Whitman in amaze
\ Al l..
fore had met the gentleman. and conse-
quently | was positive that had never
plugged his teeth. On the impulse Of the
moment said as much.
"'My dear sir | gasped, you must be
mistaken in your dentist. have no rec
objection of having done any work for
you
"Mr. whitman glared at me ferocious-
". oh. no. he growled. so you are going
to try to deny your butchery. are you
You're going to try to put it off on some
body else. are you? Well, sir. you can't
do anything of the kind. Fortunately I've
got your bill right here to prove that you
and nobody else did it. II you didn't tin
ker with my teeth. you have no business
to send me bill for dental services. But
you did send me bill, and for S25, too.
so you can't so back on your own work
without doubt Mr.. Whitman was
the coolest customer | ever met. If he
had not been quite so brazen. | think
should have had the audacty to insist
that there was some mistake, and
should have trumpet up some explana-
ton that would have seemed half way
plausible; but. as it was, his nerve far
exceeded my own. and his high handed
attack so thoroughly undd me that fol-
the life OF me couldn't muster the cour.
age to invent one single lie. He saw his
advantage and followed it up boldly.
"I'm ready for you to go to work right
now he said. and I see that you have
no patients waiting and can soon be
ready too. We may as well get Mt il
straight off. | always like to get dsa
greeable job over with as soon rs posi-
ble.
"As the gentleman delivered himself OF
this bit of wisdom he pumped himself
down In the operating chair and opened
his mouth to my inquring gaze. The first
look amazed me. | never saw such sci
OF teeth. Clearly somebody had beer
pegging away at them and quite recently
too. and the bungling the incompetent
workman had been guilty Of was fright
full to contemplate. lie had bored and
filed and gouged recklessly. and the task
Whitman had called upon me to do wa.
TO fill the cavities and otherwise repair
the damage inflicted by my obstreperou!
predecessor. Whitman noted my express
sion of disgust.
"T'm not surprised that you feel lik,
kicking yourself around the block h'
said. You certainly must admit that 1t Il
about the sorriest job ever inflicted on ,
mans mouth. Lord. should think you't
lie awake nights. lambasted as you mus
be by your conscience for such dia bolica
butchery.
81 suppose could have denied the jol
even then and won out in my contention
but one glance at that internal bill set
tied me, and | went to work. II took IN,
six mortal hours TO get Mr.. Whitman'l
mouth into respectable shape. He fairl!
beamed upon me when the ordeal wa
over.
"'You're the right kind Of chap. afte
ALL he said. Il guess you do know you
business In spite of your first blunder.
don't know what was the matter will
you the other day. You must have beer
ratified or something. Here. sir. Is you
$685.
"Mr. Whitman laid down the none!
and clapped on his hat and was out O
the office before could say scat and
sat down and wept over the paltry sum
had received for a difficult piece of worl
that would have been cheap at $76."-
New York Times.
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