davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
KNEW HE HAD A GOOD TIME.
Heard Policeman Tell Judge About 1t
in the Mornnq,

Down in Tennessee one day." said
Senator Carmack of that state, 81 met
person whom l knew slightly, and
who was of convivial habits. He had
all the symptoms of leftover In
fact, as he came down the street he
had so close a resemblance to a man
who had surely been imbibing the
previous night that stopped and said
to him:
Ibid you have a good time last
night?'
"I did, he chirped, with cheerful
grin. L had a magnificent time. It's
funny thing though, Senator he
added confidentially, L was out all
night, and yet can't remember sin
gle thing that occurred after nine
o'clock
"'You cant?' 1 said Then how on
earth do you know that you had a
magnificent time?'
Because he explained, I heard
the policeman telling the judge about
it in the morning."
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Church Laws of oIden Times.

chapel at Burney, Lancashire, recent
ly observed an important anniversary,
and issued a souvenir hand book
containing copies of old records. A
minute passed in 1884 reads: THAT
we do not allow young men and
young women to y.Slk in the street
together arm in arm at any time;
neither do we allow them to stand
at street corners chatting together"
By another resolution the chapel
authorities forbade girl choristers
wearing bows in their hnnuets.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Bamboo for scaffoldlns.

The French consul at Batavia lays
stress on the Importance of bamboo as
a material for constructing builders
scaffoldng. and he states that in Java
even lighthouse has been built with
its help. The power of resistance of a
bamboo cane measuring eight to ten
inches in diameter, even with length
of siXty-tive feet, is enormous. More
over, bamboo is said not to rot either
when in the ground or in water, while
the drler and older it grows the tirner
it becomes.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
What Is Necessary.

"You never can make that kind Of
dog fashionable" said the expert.
"Why not?" asked the novice in
canine affairs.
Because" replied the expert, "he
isn't small enough to be useless, stu
pid enough to be utterly worthless or
ugly enough to be interesting"
This man. it may be said, had made
a study of the pets of fashion.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Labor on Railroad Folders.

The average person who picks up q
railroad time folder does not realize
the amount of work which the prepara-
ton of such publication involves. A
big western railroad, for instance, has
a general time folder made up from
sixteen different divisions operating
time tables. The folder contains 1000
names of towns, gives the schedules OF
over 500 trains and whenever there is
change in time 6O,0OO figures have to
be carefully checked and corrected.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Influence of Chess.

IF q Scottish scientist is to be be-
lleved, the people of those countries in
which chess is most frequently played
are invariably more civilized than
those who inhabit countries in which
little attention is paid to this great
game. The best chess players in the
world, he points out, were to be found
in Spain during the period of its splen-
dor, and in Italy during the 1cnais-
sance, whereas to-day there are few
persons in those countries who care
for the game.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

The Ogden Assay Company. who for
many years have been located at 1929
Sixteenth street. Denver. have removed
to more convenient and centrally located
quarters at lT25 Arapahoe street. Denver.
They are well known to mining men and
prospectors in this community. having
a number of years. and are deserving of
their magnificent success.
The Ogden Assay Company furnishes
another illustration of what can be done
by ludicious and persistent advertising.
combined with strictly reliable work and
fair treatment of customers.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
An Astonishing Gain.

Hobson-"How did you enjoy your
summer trip. Bagley?"
Bagley-"Had a delightful time.
Gained one hundred and thirty
pounds"
Hobson-"One hundred and thirty
pounds! l don't believe it,
Bagley-"Don't you? Well. here it
comes down the street. Just wait a
moment and I'll introduce YOU
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
THE HUMOR OF LIFE
FEW ITEMS SHOWING THE
BRIGHTER SIDE OF THINGS.
His Wffe's Dowry-sammy's Re-
markabie Definition Of Nutritious
Food-Remunerative Work Done on
an Empty Stomach.
As Applied to the Prize Ring

Instantly the referee decided the
fight in favor of the pugilist with the
green trunks.
"How's that" demanded the other
pugilist. HE hasn't landed on me
once"
II can't help that" replied the ref.
cree. You lowered your guard at
critical moment, and he could have
caught you on the jaw. You are
constructively knocked out"
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Earned His Gratitude.

"Ah, WE'LL" said a sour-natured spin
ster to the wife of the only man who
hid ever wooed her, and whom she
had thrown over, your husband only
proposed to you out of revenge be-
cause l rejected him!"
"Quite sol" the other retorted. But
he always says revenge has proved so
sweet that he can never feel anything
but gratitude to you'll"
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
That Mas Different.

Fond Parent-Why in the name Of
gumption is that kid of NeXdore's
yelling around our yard?
Fond Parentess-Why, George? I'm
surprised at you! That is our own
little Gladys singing.
Fond Parent-Oh!
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Not the Place She Wanted.

The lady who had advertised for a
nurse had twins. When the girl
found 1t out she backed away.
But are you not an experienced
nurse?" asked the lady.
"Yis, num-" answered the girl. "but
I'm only a retail nurse"
what do you mean by that?"
81 niver did wholesale business,
and I'm not goin' to begin
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
In Trouble,

"Alas, alas" he cried, 'if only my
three girls had been boys"
In truth, he was in sore trouble,
with three young men drumming
three banjos and singing three differ
ent love songs under three windows
at one time.
81 might as well be a victim of in.
somnia," he walled.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Try One Packaue.

If Defiance Starch does not please
you, return 1t to your dealer. If it does
you get one-third more for the same
money. 1t will give you satisfaction,
and will not stick to the iron.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Parental Advice.

Young Monkey-Dad, I'm going to
be the guest of honor at dinner
given by some leaders of the -four
hundred" tonight.
Old Monkey-Well, for heavens
sake, try to control your feelings!
Don't look any more bored than you
can possibly help.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Driven to 1t.

Gladys-"Maggie's neck is certain
ly beautiful, but l don't think she
ought to show so much of it, do you?'
Fred Cher cousin)-"Well, you see.
she has neither face, figure, nor mon
ey; it's simply case of neck or moth.
ing with her."
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
The Genuine Panama.

Marie, where is my new Panama?"
New? Why that yellow and bent
up hat didn't look as if it was new"
"Welil, where is it?"
"Why, it looked so old l cut holes
in each side and made bonnet for
the mare"
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
The AVERAGE All Riqht.

"Do they set good table at your
boarding-house?"
We'll the average is good"
What do you mean by that?"
why, the butter is strong and the
coffee is weak, but it you consider
them both together the average is sat
isfactory."
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Mother ar.y.s Sweet Powders for chndrsa
Successfully used by Mother Gray, aurss
In the Childrsns Home In New York. Cures
Fsvsrishneas, Bad Stomach, Testhing Dis
orders, move and regulate the Bowels and
Destroy Worms. Over sc, 600 testimonials.
At all druggists, $50 Sample FREE. Ad-
dress Allen q. Olmsted LeRoy, N. Y.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
In the Same Boat.

Lady (visiting asylum)-"And these
poor creatures, how came they to be
like that?"
Doctor-"Ah, very sad, but they are
quite harmless. One was Tilted by a
lady and lost his reason as a conse
quence. The other lost his reason
through marrying the same lady"
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Everything on Earth.

81 have lost my wife" said the sad
looking man to the floorwalker of a
mammoth modern department store.
'.Oh, see" replied the fioorwalker;
you wish to buy another; our marked
down sale of secondhand wives is
now going on up on the twenty-third
foor-elevator to your right"
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Gettino Into Trouble.

Mrs. Shape lin the midst of her
reading)-'I see man in Belfast has
got into trouble by marrying three
women
Mr. Shape (under his breath)-"1
know a man a good deal nearer home
who got into trouble by marrying one
woman"
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
A Corner In Eaas.

"That old hen just seems to
be bursting with PRIDE" remarked
the farmers dog.
pride? Nothing of the sort. It's
eggs" replied the Leghorn roos SER.
"She thinks she's financier, and
she's trying to stop laying until
there's rise in price"
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
a Good Definition,

Sammy" said the teacher, what
is meant by nutritious food?"
Something to eat that amt got nc
taste to it" replied Sammy.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
The Annual Celuue,

Cobwigger-Do you know, my boy,
why the minister's prayers for rain
have not been answered?
Freddy guess God is saving it
up for the day when the Sunday
school gives the picnic.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
The Time Had Passed.

Mr.. Borem-Dear me! when I'm
enjoying myself 1 quite forget the
flight of time. Don't hesitate to tell
me when it's time to go.
Miss Tyre-Dout-It's too late now
You should have asked me to do that
long ago.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
His Business.

II hold" said the good feeder, that
no man has any business to work on
an empty stomach"
II have to do it very frequently"
said the stranger.
"Then I'll bet you've found it
doesn't pay"
Casually it pays as much as $1O0.
I'm q surgeon"
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Father dmpressively)-Suppo I should
be taken away suddenly. what would be
I'd stay here. The question is "Wha
would become of your
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Not Their Fault,

Marriage is so often failure" said
Mrs. CaustiGue, that l don't blame
women bit for being old maids"
Blame them?" said the crusty
bachelor. "Of course not. 1t isn't
their fault"
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Halls Catarrh Cure
Is a constitutional cure. Price, 75c.

Few people realize the immensity of 81
IBERIA which extends through 120 degrees
of longitude and possesses one-ninth of
all the land surface of the globe. The
United States, Great Britain and all Eu-
rope, except Russia. could be put into
Siberia with land to spare.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
In Kentucky.

Gayboy-They never say in Ken
lucky that a man takes to anything
like a duck to water. They have a
better phrase.
Rounder-What is it?
Gayboy-Like Colonel to corn
juice.-Judge.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

He-I suppose now that l shall have to
ask your father for his consent? She
No. Harry; after the first time you called
pa said ! might have you II 1 wanted
you. Pa and l have understood 1t for a
long time.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Not Necessary,

why" exclaimed her brother scorn-
fully, II don't believe that beau OF
yours could lift $50 pounds"
HE doesn't have to- she answered
triumphantly. 81 only weigh 115."
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Kansas tried to levy on Colorado's wa
ter supply. But when Colorado Saguache
was doing she Custer and said you Otero
known you couldn't Baca a suit like that.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Doctor-How did you ruin your diges
ton so completely? Patient-I tried
every new kind of breakfast food that
l saw advertised
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

One of natures remedies; cannot harm
the weakest constitution; never fails to cure
summer complaints of young or old. De.
Fowler's Extract OF Wild Strawberry.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
INSIST ON GETTING IT.

Some groosrs say they don't keep De.
nance Starch. This IL because they have
a stock on hand of other brands contain
ing only IL oz In a package. which they
won't be able to sell first. because De-
fance contains l6 oz. for the same money.
Do you want 16 OF. instead of IL OF.
for same money? Then buy Defiance
Starch. Requires no cooking.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

THAT Mr.. Squeezem had nothing but
praise for your sermon to-day" said the
minister's wife after church. Yes, | no.
tced that when the plate passed
around" said the pastor sadly.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

NOT A FISH STORY.
BaNter's Bullhead cigar as as good DC
smoke as you can find.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Mrs. Sharpe-They call the bellboy in
the hotel Buttons" l believe. l won
der why? Mr.. Sharpe-Probably be
cause he's always off when you need
him most.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

It's folly to suffer from that horrible
plague of the night, itching piles. Doan's
Ointment cures, quickly and permanently.
At any drug store, so cents.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Brotherly Love.

Nance-"Jack Morton proposes in
this letter. l wonder if he really loves
me; he has only known me week"
The Brotker-"Oh. then; perhaps he
toeR"
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Can you get rare roast beef at your
boarding house?' No; but we get roast
beef rarely"
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

If smoking nterfcres with your work.
"qut worlSing"-and smoke Baxters
Bullhead-5-cent cigar.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
A Paradox.

"You are so dreadfully ugly, dear.
that it must be that l love you. or
l would not think you SO handsome
-Jugend.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

James A. Bouty. an American in Brazil.
has found n tree called balata. near Para.
the juice of which promises to rival rub
her.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Hired Man-Say, boss, how d y spell
rheumatism? Farmer-Don't know,
Sim. l amt had spell in twenty
yenr.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Patient-Tm sorry now that ] sent for
you, doctor. because l feel so much better
that l don't need any medicine. Doctor
Better take some; I'll charge you Just the
same for this visit. whether you do or
not.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Mrs. winslow's Soothing Syrup
For children teethng, softens the gums, reduces IN
u:um alton allays pun cures wind collie. 25c bottle
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

To Cure n Cold in One day.
Take Laxative Bronze QuinIne Tablets. All
druggists refund money if it fails to cure. Csc.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

A good question for debating societies
Which Is the more dangerous. the rock.
the-bo fool or the didn nt-know-it-wns-
loaded idiot?
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Pisos Cure is the best medicine We ever used
for all affections OF the throat and lungs.-WA.
o. ENpsLEY, Vanburen. Ind. Feb. 10. 1900.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Snn,ethinu Morse

Roe Shelle-Why did jerks kill
his wife's parrot? Did it take to
swearing?
Newark Branch-Worse! 1t took to
initiating the lawn mower.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Takes the burn out heals the wound;
cures the pain. DR.. Thomas Eciectric Oil,
the household remedy.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
oh, So Simple.

"It seems to me very easy" she re-
marked.
"What?" he asked.
"Why, every rule has its exception.
hasn't it?"
Certainly"
"Well. all you have to do is to find
out what the exception is in order to
be right all the time"
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

When doctors fail, try Burdock Bloot
Bitters. Cures dyspepsia, constipation
tnvigorates the whole system.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Peary is returning. but it doesn't ap
pear he found the north pole.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

DO YOUR CLOTHES LOOK YELLOW
Then use Defiance Starch, 1t will keep
them white-l6 OF. for 10 cents.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

| "Mild?" Well. ] should say so-Bax-
| ter cr0Bullhead DC cigar. Smoke as many
| as You like. they won't hurt you
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

It's because of their true merit that
SO many smokers prefer Baxters Bull
head scent cigar.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Speaking of home rule. what's the mat
ter with that Of the first baby?
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

Lovers should be prepared before the;
arc paired,
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
An Adequate Supply.

"Henpccis has given up smoking.
Ell? That takes a good deal Of will
power
"Yes. his wife has it,
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

In matrimony one and one makes one
but in divorce one from one leaves two.
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

An Industrious gardener is a slave to
the weed
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
MORE FLEx1nLE AND LASTING.

won't shake out or blow out; by using
Defiance starch you obtain better results
than possible with any other brand and
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

The string tied around n mans finger
is merely forEet-me-knot
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26
Fatal Error.

NO" admitted the girl with the
auburn hair; II don't know what ails
him. He hasn't called for two weeks"
Were you doing that pyrographic
landscape on the big piece of sheep
skin when he called last?" asked her
brother.
sVasb
The Springfield herald., 1902-09-26

well, that's where you burnt out
your fuse"
Arizona republican., 1902-08-13
BIsBEE NEWS
The Modern Litigation and Other
 Events.

Bisbee, Ariz., Aug. 1O-(Special cor of The Republican.)-T rather prominent case of the territory vs N. A. Centers. charged With embeZ element in the capacity of president of the Modern Mining company. was dis missed yesterday on motion of the pros ecution and MT. Centers is completely vindicated in the eyes of the whole community.
 MT. Centers subsequently caused the arrest of Messrs. Howard and Harlan of the same company on a charge of conspiracy and the case was continued till Monday. It has been very dis astrous case-for the taxpayers.
 At the Spray this morning the big six-inch cable gave way just above the cage. The superintendent rushed up to the engineer and asked him why he was stopping the hoist. The engineer replied, II have no cage; don't you see the cable dangling?" Investigation demonstrated that the tripledecker
Arizona republican., 1902-08-13
HENRY WOOD,
 ACCOUNTANT

Telephone 3731. PHOENIX, ARIZ
 Books of account audited and sys- tematized; mining and other invest ments investigated; also acts as incor- porator and agent for Arizona corpora tions. Formerly Savings Bank Auditor Buffalo, N. Y, Treasurer and Manager Cobre Grande Copper Co.,, Golden Wave Mining Co.,, etc, etc.
 Mining enterprises particularly are sometimes so managed that profits are wasted and unnecessary losses accrue I offer my services as follows:
 Mines management systema tized, in troducing economies in every depart ment; eXaminatio7s made, determining financial possibilities of mining and other enterprises.
Arizona republican., 1902-08-13
A LOWER RATE
Of Taxation for Territorial Purposes
 This Year.

The territorial board of equalization did not quite finish it's work yesterday, though it got so far along that the gen. eral result may be outlined. There will be some satisfaction ill knowing that the territorial rate of taXat tion will not be so high as it was last year. It will be 1.13 and a fraction. instead C. III. The total valuation of the territory will be S39, ,0S3, 111.51, which is an increase of S229, ,246 over the valuation of last year. The increase is really consider ably more than is shown by the figures for the returns of last year from Co., chiSe county amounted to mere than sT,000,000. The attempt to collect taxes on that valuation involved the county in a great deal of litigation with the mining companies, and in the end was unsuccessful. This year the county accordingly fell back to something near its former figures. s3.000,000 less than the returns of q year ago.
 The loss of the showing made by Cochise county, as well as the apparent gain for the whole territory, was made up mostly by the counties of Yavapai and Coconino, the former by higher assessment cn mines and the latter by a higher valuation on railroad lands.
 The returns of the counties are as
Arizona republican., 1902-08-13
ADJUSTMENTS A
.e 7.sass 5 lata lsgals K laSss 7ssata sEsls

Tonight the Curtiss Comedy com pany will close their present engage mcnt in Phoenix, and after the per formance will leave by special train for
 DenisCn, Tex. During the company's engagement here they have become such faVOriteS with our people that their departure is felt with regret by every one. MT. Curtiss in particular
 has by his untiring efforts to please the public and his gentlemanly department endeared himself to the hearts of the entire public, and his many friends will wish him success on his tour and hope Tor his return next season. The com pany, comprising MT. Hammer. Harry Lee, Will Atkinson, George Tilden. Jay Prothrows, John Keiffer. Miss Marie Dale, Grace Diamond, Odora Tilden, the PickertS and the members of the band and orchestra have each and every one established a splendid repu- tation, both as artists and ladies and gentlemen, and we doubt if there is a single person in our city who will not join in wishing them good luck on their tour through Texas. Year after year Phoenix has been favored with d theatrical company to entertain the public at the park, but no organizati ton that has ever been seen here has met with the reception accorded Mir Curtiss and his players. From a financial point the engagement was highly satisfactory and from social view it was doubly
Arizona republican., 1902-08-13
Mother Gray's Sweet Powders

for Children. Mother Gray for years nurse in the Childrens Home in New ork, treated children successfully. with drug stores, called Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for Children. They are harmless as milk, pleasant to take and never fail A certain cure for fevershness, consti- patton, headache, teething and stomach disorders and remove worms. At all drug Eists, 25c. Don't accept any substitute Sample sent FREE. Address Allen s. Olmsted. Le Roy, N. Y.
Arizona republican., 1902-08-13

cage system, twenty five feet high. had fallen from the 300 to the S00-foot level a distance of about 800 feet, and was about six feet high when it came to T standstill. Half the time. or oftener, there are men on these cages, but on this particular occasion there were none, or there would have been a tragedy.
 The Calumet and Arizona is install ing new 1,000-foot flat cable hoist and laying the foundations for rousing pay roll. Their preparations are simply immense.
 The South Bisbee people are inaugur- ating great operations on their prop erty and the thousands of poor miners who have been unexpectedly let out in the territory will soon find a salubrious asylum in Bisbee.
Arizona republican., 1902-08-13
FOX SALE,

FOX SALE.
 complete steam power plant in first class condition. Consists of 15 H. P. engine, 20 H. P. boiler, pipes, etc. Can be bought for half of original cost. Call on or address The Republican, Phoenix, Arizona.
Arizona republican., 1902-08-13
WATCH FOR A CHILL,

However slight at this time of year and in this climate, it is the forerun- ner of malaria. A disposition to yawn, and an all tired out feeling even comes before the chill. Heroine, by its prompt stimula tive action on the liver, drives the malarial germs out of the system, purifies the blood. tones up the system and restores health. soc a
 Elvey & Hulett's, the Live Druggists.
Arizona republican., 1902-08-13
PERFECTION IN PORTRAITURF

While visiting in Los Angeles you should not fail to secure some of the celebrated Schumacher photographs the beautiful meZZo tint, steel engrav- ing portraits. Each picture is delivered in a dainty and unique folder. This studio has a reputation of doing the finest work known to the art, having received medals at the greatest art centers, where work came in compcti- ton; among which were awards from Paris Exposition, Worlds Fair and many others. You are invited to call and see our latest styles in photographs while visiting the city. Schumacher Studio, 107 North Spring street.
Arizona republican., 1902-08-13
Remember

This is the store that's strictly in it. For there is something doing every
 minute.