Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1902-07-09
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A Sheffield boot-malier displays this
notice in his window: Don't you wish
you were in my pitt Bits.
80 you are in society?' YES" I'm
real society?' Yes" "way-up So
ciety?" YES" docs society know
it?"-Chlcago Post.
"Bingles is lucky man. His time
goes right on whether he is waking or
sleeping. sick or we'll" What is Bin
giles businessT matchmaker"
Blobbs-How did you like the melo-
drama? Was anybody killed? slobbs
No; the audience yelled for the au-
thor, but he wouldn't come out.
Uncle William, are you troubled
about the hereafter?" mo, sub; it's
de wharfo er de herein what keeps
me guessin'"-Atlanta Constitution.
Lady Tourist doing the cathedrals
of Scotland) is Gothic, isn't it,
John! Juvenile fender of Guides"
(severely)-No. mem. This is Presby:
terrain.
Sounds thrilling: Bobbie-Paw, will
you buy me a book? Father-What Is
the name the book you want? Bob
Nicaragua Bill" Ohio State
Journal.
In confidence: Waiter,
here's quarter. Suggest good din
ner for me. Waiter lin n whisper)-
Go to some other restaurant, sir
Smart Set.
Travelling Acquaintance wonder
that the regular passengers don't agi-
tate for better service Commuter-
We do, at times, but it merely gets us
agitated. Puck.
Poor Mike: Doctor How about that
mustard-plaster l prescribed for your
husband? Mrs. Grogan-Shure. doc
thor, l couldn't make Mike ate more
nor TIL half av it.-Judge.
It's queer that people who are al
ways railing at the world are never
theless willing to pay the doctors q
fortune to keep them from leaving 1t
in hurry.-Atlanta Constitution.
The commuter ut home: Suburban
This is shameful! I'll not stand that
cooks insolence a moment longer. AS
soon us l get to New York I'll ring her
up on the telephone and discharge her.
Judge.
Looking blue for milkman: 81 more
than suspect our milkman." "Of what
do you suspect him?" "Of trying to
work the Filipino water-cure on us.
Look at the color of that milk!'-
Cleveland plnip nao1ar
Say, our bookkeeper is foolish"
What do you mean?" "Why, he says
when he gets old lie wants money
enough to so out and live where he
can see the moon go down behind q
hedge."-Chicago Record.
Analysis: She-After all, what is the
differenc. between illusion and delu-
sion? He-lllusion is the lovely fan
cies we have about ourselves; delusion
is the foolish fancies other people have
about themselyes.-Life.
A come-down for her: did UNDER
stand you to say that she lowered her.
self when she married him?" Eyes.
She slid doN.s= ===..-=-- rd-story win--
dow. using rope made of bedclothes."
Chicago Record Herald.
Discretion: $50 you made n great
hit in your presentation OF Hamlet
Mr.. transformer? l suppose the audi
ences called you to come out before
the curtain" Called me? They
dared me"-Baltimore News.
1T would be helpful to you," said
the prison visitor ''if you could take
some motto and try to live up to it.''
That's right" replied the convict;
I'D like to select, for instance, we
are here today and gone tomorrow
-Tit-Bits.
The proper thing: The President
Then you don't care to have your name
mentioned in connection with your one
hundred million dollar gift to our uni
versity?" The Philanthropist-Well,
you might say that you give my name
without my consent.-EX.
Cheerful: Tess-So, Mr.. Groosum
really proposed to you? Tess-Yes.
While we were strollng In the Gene
terry we came to their family lot, and
he asked me how I'd like to be buried
there some day. with his name on the
stone above me.-Philadelphia Press.
DO you think it would improve my
style?" inquired the varsity man who
had got into the crew through favorite-
ism. "if We're to acquire n faster
stroke?" ut would improve the
crew." replied the candid trainer, 'if
you got paralytlc stroke" Tit Bits.
No conversation: Barber You're
next, sir. Hair cut? Pepprey-Yes,
and here, put this in your pocket for
yourself. Barber-Thank you, sir.
don't often get my tip before begin,
and l appreciate Pepprey-I don't
want you to consider that tip, but
'hush money! Philadelphi Press.
NIammy-B Bless nah heart! If de
chile amt cuttin his eye-tooth! Little
'Rastus lin alarm)-Whats an eye
tooth, nanny? Iammy-Why, de
eye-tooth, chile, watches ebry word dat
yo' tongue uttehs, an ebry time you
say bad word it'll pain dat good eye
tooth so much dat it'll ache fo two
houahs!-Puck.
Lady began the dusty wayfarer,
could you help poor sufferer of
Mont Pelee?" Mont PeleeH echoed
the housewife; why. you are no resi-
dent OF Martinique 81 know dat,
mum, but am sufferer, just de
same. Half de things kind ladies had
saved fer me dey sent down dere."-
Philadelphia Record.
A Plantation Financier.
Farming this year?" some one asked