The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1902-07-25

clergyman read the following notice:
'"There will be Spreaching .at%11 O'Clock
next Sunday morning in the church at
the North End and at o'clock in the
afternoon in the church at the South
End. Infants will be baptized at both
ends New York Times. i
parent is Mentally INCAPABLE i to taking KIM
guardian appointed?" asked the judge
"Well, what proof have you that he is
a spendthrift:" "Why, he has been
known to attend as many as six church
fairs in q week. t'Petition granted
said the judge.-Baltimor Herald.
Howling, the poor dog rushes adown
the street, a bunch of fireworks firmly
attached to his caudal appendage, and
accelerating his speed with it's incessant
explosions.
How cruelr' says meek looking per-
son.
"Cruel?' we answer. at is positively
wicked to treat the dog sin that wa ""
''Oh, the dog?' he remarks. II wasn't
thinking Of that. But the boys twho tied
those firecrackers to his tail took them by
force from that poor little boy on the
other corner. Is it not sad?'
Now that the bowls Of the dog are be-
ing lost in the distance we can hear the
walls of the lad referred to.-Baltimore
American
Times Were Changed.-Clara Ito her
old chum)-And that horrid Jones boy
that used to poster you with his love
maklnS-does he worry you as much as
ever? EtheEWell, hardly; you see,
we're married now.-Washington News.
There was at least one responsive hear
er in the crowded little church in
Southern village, and it happened this
way:
Guests had arrived unexpectedly at
the country parsonage on Sunday morn
ing.
The weekly supply Of butter had run
short, so the hospitable host dispatched
old Joe, the handy man, to his neighbor,
Mr.. Paul, whose dairy always boosted a
surplus. The parson proceeded to
some OF the deep sayings of the great
apostle, and was well under way with it.
when old Joe, returning empty handed,
concluded he would quietly slip in and
hear his master preach.
Just as he entered the preacher leaned
over the pulpit, stretched forth his hand
with most impressive Interrogation in
voice and manner, and called OUT Sand
what did Paul say?'' Distinctly sounded
through the church old Joe's reply:
HE say, marster, he amt going to let
you have no more butter till you pay for
the last you got."-Tit-Bits.
The Retort Unkind.-Benham-T
no place like home. Mrs. Benham-Ic
there were you wouldn't know it. Ben
ham-What do you mean? Mrs. Ben
ham-Iou are not ut home enough to
know what home is like.-Brooklyn Life.
Hard on Both of Them-An Irishman
whose face was so plain that his friends
used to tell him it was an offence to the
landscape happened also to be as poor as
he was homely.
One day neighbor met him, and
asked: -:
How are you, Pat?.' -
Mighty bad! Sure, it's starvation
that's starin' me in the face"
''Begorra," exclaimed his neighbor.
pathetically, lit can't be very pleas
His Chief Solicitude. -"How do you
think you stand with the voters in your
town?" Il never trouble myself about
that answered Senator Sorghum; .but
l stand all right with the men who con-
troll the voters. Washington Star.
John B. Cough, whose early training
as an actor had given him a good equip
mcnt for his later work as Temperance
orator, and who, because OF his effective
manner, seldom met with opposition
from those who listened to him i'll pub
lie, was featuring one evening in L near
by town. and, after painting the tavern
as a place of contamination even for the
abStainer, asked:
Don't you all agree with me, friends,
that there is no place a man should go,
and of which he should tell his mother
and sisters, unless he might take them
too, there? Should there be any such
place?"
"Oh! y-e-sw came drawlingly from a
rear seat
The audience was reused from it's spell
OF admiration for the orator, and turned
smiled as though he thought no discus
sion possible, and blandly asked:
where. friend, would you go, telling
mother and sisters, but refusing to take
them with your
1.-THE barber's" was the reDly-Phila-
delphia Times
The day after the election a candidate
who had sat up all night only to find his
name among the also-rans, met a friend
and neighbor.
How is it," he asked, that all my
friends promised to stand by me in this
emergency, and then woefully betrayed
my cont;lencc?'
You are mistaken. Being truly Your
friends we voted for the other man.''-In-
dianapois News
The following little scene at an inquest
upon the body of a murdered man is re-
ported by Il correspondent of the Anglo
Russian from Astrakhan: The coroner
debating to his clerk: lon the table
was found bottle. No: stop
for moment; we must ascertain its
contents The coroner, tasting the
liquid, dictates: THE bottle contained
English gin. perhaps not am
not sure; taste lit yourself" The clerk,
having done, SO replies: Il think it is
simply strong vodka The coroner, toss
ing off another glass: NO really, it tastes
like. GIN The clerk, tasting the liquor
again: Il still think it is only vodka"
The bottle having gradually become
empty, the coroner proceeded to dictate
IN decisive tone. Write: An empty
bottle was found on the table, and ali
measures taken to ascertain what it CON
tanned, were Of no use.''
SOciablp - "We1l vol ro,ror,-od