Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1902-09-17

Parrott since he vent to England for
the coronation, and I was troubled in
mind about it, fearing that he had got
lost somehow or that he had married
into the English nobility and settled
down. l was therefore mighty tikled
when l got letter from him yester-
day. L send it in for publication, and
l hope the editor will print as it is
wrote. [ notice he has got somebody
to run my own articles through a spell
ling machine before publishing them,
and | don't mind that; but it would
spoil Parrott's letters to treat them
that way. Here is the letter:
Office Of Trust Exterminator,
Washington, D. c..
Friend Jlmminny:-l spo:e yu think
am ded and berrid long a. 20 as |
nalb't rote t, yu fer long spell, but
the 5rooth Is | Aev bin so bizzy thet |
new skarsly he'd time to talk my Wit
GELS. When kahn to England the
king heu jest undergone an OPERA
snun, ana OF koors l he'd TO do the
salm to be in stile. But the docktol
did a bum job and l dlddent get oaver
it in time fer the kol onashun. Me
ana Whltelaw waz purity neer hart
oroaken tekaws We dlddent get a
chans to egshibbit owr soolz. soald
mine to a theatrlckle kompanny and
kahn back to Washington. waz fig
gerlng sum on going back to Mime
sofa to help Van SAINT fte the merger
but jest then my friend Phil Knocks
started IN hooking the trusts, and he
sent fer me TO help HIM. He gaiv me
the JOB OF furst assistent trust extur.
mlunaltor and we set to work to lay
plans fer the kampain. "Jack," SCI
Phil, this hear II a nifty ticklish JOB
and We must g. at it Very kairfully. {"
'Rite yu ar, Phil, seq |. If we hurt
the trusts reel hard Thy went Civ
doun when Mark begins to milk them
fer the neckst kampain." ''Thao's
the trooth, Jack, SEE Phil, but [ wood
ent stalt it tibet Way when tawking
OwtsiCe. We must say thet we must
be kairtul not to interfear with leilttv-
m lit kombinayshun fer enlarjing the
blzness of the kountry.
got him to rite tibet down so I kood
kommit 1t to memmory and then we
resOOmd the onsutashun.
NOW, sez Phil, 1--WE shall probably
hev to drag sum of them into koort
but halt to do it bekaws the Sher-
man law SEE anybody kawt kom bin
ing to restrane traid shall be fined
and sent to the kalaboos, and tibet is
a punishment lit own y fer thieves and
murderers and strikers hoo disobey
lnjunkshuns to keap them from tawk-
ing to peepel tibet ar talking THAR
plaises."
SEE L: "Yur remark Civ me an
ideer. What is the matter with trying
an ipjunkshun on the trusts? 1t
woodent hurt them none, and it wood
soWnd ez If we waz giving the trusts
the salm deel ez we ar giving the
laiborers.
"Jack," SEE Phil in a vols shaking
| with emoshun, ''yu hev indead struck
the kerrekt ideer, and to my dying
day shall bless yu fer pulling me
owt Of a title hoal." And he got ur
and Rugged me and shed seyerel teers
trickling down my back.
Well, we went at the beef trust with
one OF them injunkshuns; ana 1t wurkd
like charm. Troo, 1t diddent re-
docs prises on beat emmy but yu kan'1
ekspekt evrything. Tnet beat kom.
bine stopped kombiniDg and went tc
work to malk it awl one company
It was a gloryus viktory.
But sum of the big bugs didden
kwite like the ideer of going fer the
trust so sevearly. Thay thawt it mite
kaws distrust in the bizness wurld: Sc
we put owr beds together and ham
mered owt anuther ideer, which vii
be ewsd nekst time thar is lOwd kry
abowt sum kombine. We prepaid :
surkewler letter which we will sene
owt when headed. 1t reeds at follers
"Deer sur: We are paned to noa
tibet thar hez bin sum komplaint the
yur kompany hez VIOLATED the anti
trust law. Els fur es we are kOnsurn(
w mite do tibet es often es yu like
but the peepel hez took a noshun the
the sed law was passd to be put iutl
praktis, and they mite voat agin u
If we don't maik sum moov. W,
thar foar urnestly beg yu to fgge
owt if thar ain't sum thing tibet v,
kood redoos prises on in order t,
prOov tibet thar amt no kombine. I
yu koOd Incorporate under sum stat
Id" tueo WOulu pIOtcht W we WOOu -
at libberty to begin SCOT agin yu with
owt doing emmy harm. Hoaping the
yu will grant this rekwest, we reman
yur Obedient survants,
Phil Knocks,
Chief Trust Exterm:nator.
Jack Parrott,
Furst Asst. Trust ExterminatOr.
This letter of Jacks has throw
| light on the subject of the attack O
| the beef combine. knew right ava
that there was some master hand man
aging the powerful engine Of destrue
ton aimed at the trusts, but I coul
not figure out whose hand it was
Jack and Phil will soon compel all til
loose combines to become New Jerse
combinations.
JI1M1NNY CR1CKETTs.
There will be plenty of confetti f