The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-07-07

Ohio State Journal: And so this is
Bunker Hill monument exclaimed the
sights of Boston
Yes. ma'am." assented the guide.
He must have been a great mani she
n1aryeled as she gazed up at the dizzy
height OF the shaft.
Judge: Here. SIR I say angrily TO the
dealer, mat miniature volcano you sold
me LOT my little boys Fourth viii not
explode. We don't know whether Il will
go off or not. And yet you guaranteed
II TO be a perfect imitation OF the real
Well" he answers insolentIy. isn't
1T They can't tell when the real ones
ara going to bust, either"
Yonkers Statesman: Yeast-rve bought
a Panama hat.
Crimsonbeak-You think you have.
Yeast-M hat do you mean?
Crimsonoeak-Why. 1 mean that a man
who thinks he buys a real Panama hat
nowadays comes about as near TO the
truth as the man does who thinks he gets
a real roast beef sandwich at a railroad
restaurant
New York Journal: Mrs. Meekton-
What do you think. James? Mother says
she wants to be eremated.
James-An right. Tell her TO get her
things on and IN take her down now
Ohio State Journal: Mr.. Bug-why did
foolish Miss Potatobug eat that paris
2TERnE
Mrs Bug-oh, she thought it was from
Paris and wanted 10 be fashionable.
Chicago Tribune. Papa" said the
sweet girl graduate, wasn't my com
mencement gown whoopeTino? I had
the other girls skinned alive"
And this is the GIRL said papa sadly,
whose graduating essay was An Appeal
Expression
Judge: Papa. asked the little Peck
boy; why do, they always have a lady to
read the Declaration of Independence at
the Fourth of July celebration"
Because. was the solemn answer.
the committee knows how foolish ii
would seem 10 have man read 1t with
his wife in the audience
- q 3
The man who thinks he knows il all is
happy for time.
For him the lights are brilliant and the
bells are all achime-
But when the sad awakening comes this
life seems very rough,
And then he enYies simple folk who
Washington Star.
g @ g
Chicago News: Little Willie-What's
Pa--A philosopher. my son, is a man
who bears with resignation the toothaehe
from which another IS suffering
indianapolis News: why did you quit
your job? Did you have a disagreement
with the boss?'
''Oh, no. not at all I told him had to
have more money or I would quit, and
he said it was mutually satisfactory
@ g. g
Philadelphia Times A newly arrived
Celt employed TO fill in with dirt the
spaces in the wake of a gang of lnemen
engaged in erecting new poles along the
suburban route of one of the railroads
recently did nor get beyond the first pole,
His sense of landscape must have been
strong, for he was aYerse to piling the
loose dirt around the base Of the pole, as
is the custom A negro Wayfarer stopped
10 ask for match, and was asked by
the Celt for advice.
If Ise wuz a-doin' ub dat job. Ise'd JUS
dig hole bout where you'ah standin'
and shovel de dirt into it. Much 'blige."
And. as the black sauntered on, the
workman scratched his head and muir
INJURED:
well, it's not 10 be denied that eddica-
ton has been afther-r doin' a gr-r-eat
deal for-r the naygur-rr
g g
Chicago Tribune: Mrs Gaswell-I
thought you wanted to go to London for
the summer. Now you're talking about
Paris. What has made you change your
mind2
Mr. GaswelI-NeIl. in London I'd be
worth only &200.01, while in Paris I'd be
worth 5.o00.006 francs, and tell you
there's a heap OF difference in the way 1t
sounds