davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-03-21
HUMOROUS.

us your father at home, Willie?"
Eyes, but he's got the rheumatism so
bad he amt safe to talk to."-Indian-
apolis News.
David said in his haste that all men
were liars; but he was wise enough to
not say it leisurely to one man at a
time.-Chicago Daily News.
SIS he what you would call broad
man?" Gin certain sense. He's very
wide, but don't think the character
istic has struck in as far as his mind"
Washington Times.
A Fault of Charity.-"Hit all right
fer charity ter begin at home" says
Brother Dickey, "but hit happens too
frequent dat she makes up her mind
ter stay dar!"- Atlanta Constitution.
II don't like to get postal cards."
said she. "Why not?" asked he. "Be-
cause can't spend half an hour turn
ing it over and over wondering who it
is FROM" Cincinnati Commercial
Tribune.
II never was SO happy" said the new
benedict. II tell you, marriage has
made different man of me-" "I'm
glad to hear it," said his rival, "for
your wife's sake" Philadelphia
Press.
That Was Easy.-"How,' . howled the
labor agitator, "can man keep a large
family on eight dollars per week?"
Hungry" said man who spoke con-
as if from experience.-Los
Angeles Herald.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-03-21
LOVE LETTERS ASTRAY.
Property in Books borrowed
from Libraries,

"Letters carelessly placed between
the pages of the latest novels NO
longer excite the comment of vet
eran librarians" said the tried as
sistant, according to the New York
Sun. I'm fact almost everything in
the way of loose personal property
somehow or other strays into the
libraries of the land to aflict and
torment those in charge.
"Ask me what I haven't found in
the books people bring back. Then
the question will be much simpler. !
have found everything. Love letters
are common. Scarcely day goes by
but what we find two or three.
"Pensive maidens read the histor-
ical novels with their love missives
in their hands, for comparison, I sup
pose. Anyway, when the books are
returned we find the letters between
the<pages.
These we never attempt to return
to the owner for the reason that Ii
brarians haven't the heart to read
them. Love letters, except in a
breach of promise suit, are valueless
anyway. So we toss them into the
waste basket.
1t the letters are stamped and
ready for mailing we always hand
them to the representatives of Uncle
Sam. Most libraries have now es.
tablished an incidental fund and
really go so far as to mail the let
ters when they have no stamps af.
| fixed.
"Checks are frequently discovered
nesting between the newly cut pages
of the latest novels. The names on
these make it easy to find the own
ers. 1t is simply question of a few
postage stamps and considerable pa.
thence.
"Not long ago Richard Carver was
returned on schedule time. One OF
the librarians hastily looked ii
through before shelving it to see if
the volume was in good condition.
"It was, there was no doubt about
it. But carefully pinned to page 101
was $500 bill. The library author.
tiles spent five dollars in advertising,
but strange to say the real owner
was never discovered.
photographs, curls of hair. rib.
bons, souvenirs and wedding invita-
tions are very common. These go to
swell the motley collection of the
librarian"
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-03-21
Iron Mines in Siberia.

iron Mines In siberia.
ca HE industrial development of ST.
IBERIA is largely dependent upon
- her production of coal and iron,
especially the latter, and the following
data from an official report show that
Russia's huge northern provinces do
not lack rich deposits of this metal.
Of the numerous iron ore mines in
the Urals, the largest are, first, the
Komaroff mine, containing 100000
000tons of 50per cent. brown hematite;
and second, the Magnithaya Cora mine,
which has not yet been fully developed,
but is claimed to be the largest mass
of magnetic in Russia, if not in the
world. Among other rich mines in the
southern Urals are the Baiksl mines,
which are believed to contai, 100000
tons of ore in the portions belonging
to the government, and 100000 tons
in that owned by the Simsky works;
and the Elnitchi mines, near Baikal, in
which about 100000 tons of ore have
been discovered. 1t is claimed that the
latter group of mines, lying to the
south of the Tcheliabinsk-U fa branch
of THE Siberian railway, will yield 2, AGO.
100000 tons of iron ore. The Vyoskaya
Cora, Mount Blagodat, and Sindrsky
mines are to the north of the same
railway. Engineers report that the
first contains 100000 tons; the ore
in the second was estimated at G, AGO.
900 tons when first examined, but upon
denomination was found to amount
to 100000 tons. No definite esti-
mate was made concerning the last
mine, as 1t abounds in pockets which
sometimes come to an abrupt termina-
ton. 1t is claimed that the Ural mines
are capable of producing "a, 900 tons
of ore, or about 100000 tons of pig
iron, per annum for the next century:
but as this quantity of ore can scarcely
be worked, even with the additional
coal from the Ellibaz-Tuza and Sud-
jenka mines, the more conservative en-
gineers reckon the output at 5000, 1000
tons year, at which rate the ore in
sight will last 200 years.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-03-21
The Forests of Russia.


IN HE gradual deforestation of
Russia is attracting increased
A attention throughout the en-
pire, and the Forestry society, as well
as the forestry department of the min
istry of agriculture and domains, are
discussing means for regulating the
consumption of timber and for propa-
cation. wooden Russia" as it is fa-
miliarly called, does not appear to be
in any immediate danger, as recent
official report states that forests in
this country now cover gross area of
464,54s,00O acres. Among European
countries, Sweden comes next, with
44,47S,000 acres of forest. In Russia
the forests cover SO per cent. of the
whole imperial area. The Swedish for
ests occupy A per cent. of the total
area, and the Austro-Hungarian 80
per cent. of the territory of the dual
monarchy. Reckoned by the popula-
ton, there arc 40 acres of forest to
each inhabitant in Russia, 9.5 acres in
Sweden, 1914 acres in Norway and O.69
acre per head in Germany.
The forests have a greater i'm
portance for Russians than for people
of west European countries, as vii
lagos and country houses are largely
built of wood; stone and brick houses
being almost unknown, and the for
ests furnish the main sources of fuel
supply. While the imperial committee
complains that it is private owners
who are recklessly devastating the
forests and urging that adequate laws
and regulations be enacted to proven.
this, the Forestry society calls atten.
ton to the fact that, according to
the official report of the forestry de.
partment of the ministry of agricul-
ture and domains, the crown forests
furnished revenue of $9,O64,OOo in
1890 and $24,72O,0OO in 1899. Tt 10
claimed that this advance in nine years
could not be due to the natural Increase
of timber growth, and it is urged that
the government set an example in mod.
Grafton. wRH
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-03-21
Eskimo Wrestling.

Next to gambling the Eskimo men
like to wrestle. The usual way of
doing this is test rather of strength
than skill. The wrestlers sit down
on the floor. or in any convenient
place, side by side, and face in oppo-
site directions, say with right elbows
touching. Then they lock arms, and
each strives to straighten out the
Others arms.-Indianapolis News.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-03-21

focused in the mind by the fact
that something has been achieved,
and that in a particular spot the
personality that had the force to
achieve first saw the shining of
the stars and the dust notes dane
ing in the bright sunlight.
A hut is only h11t and q
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-03-21

withdraws her claims under the guise
of misunderstanding of previous
treaties, and Chilli has won.
The territory in dispute is of but lit
tie value unless minerals should be
discovered. 1t lies almost in the sum
mits of the Andes mountains, and Of
fers no inducements whatever to the
agricultural settler. Med.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-03-21

and several places are in full bearing
According to a French consul, the
grapes are large and numerous, hut
they rot when the rains come and
ripen too fast when the sun shines.
The wine, too, is inferior, and must be
mixed with that of Europe before be-
ing fit to drink.
There is a general crisis for wine
growers, because of an overproduction
in the entire world. J. g. C.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-03-21


mates OF the insane asms the world have
at the polls and permitted to select from their the
jorty Of the nations lawmakers.
This condition peculiar to no one nation: ALL SHARE
ALIKE IN THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF THE DISEASED
BRAINS THAT HAVE, IN LATE YEARS, FOUND A WAY
INTO THE LEGISLATIVE HALLS OF THE WORLD nor does
signify anything serious than choosing
representatives when clotfe fool in the toga
Practically the only real harm by escaped
the blocking of needed legislation they urge the
aetnlen OF their bills But offset this minimum of harm
maximum of humor with which they supply They are and away
ahead OF kings joker of the oen days providers
are the real and only genuine humorists
Who for instance could fail to smile the
French senate recently by of these mission by
Which he wished to improve the femity the great European
public by e1ng punishment upon wearing women
under the age 80 The wonder that the taced mad
ae and did upon
OF their counymen ungalan propose
thing this Instead laughed drew their
corset strings bit tighter about waists.
There elected to the English house DOCTOR
who had thought subject oscuation and saw
the lndscminae kissing of the times opportunity
bt1on OF disease He believed special put
stop to kissing for the benefit of Engands health that
laughs at locksni laughed and all
nation.
In our state legislatures, and the con-
have found many mission recent example
OF this IS one who to make flirting Could
he but have his there would be eyes, and the
young man who presumed to smile maid within sight
reach of minion of the law would the bars of
the police stations But the heartess whose
never been quckened by damses accomplish more
than furnish for few conversation laugh or
two for the world and then he will pass which
he belongs.
But do these salaries which are paid them? To be
they do Did the jester past DAYS receive COM
petence from the hands Of his MASTER THEY DO MORE
THAN THESE MODERN MIRTH-MAKERS? Paw them nv all
BUT THE MAJORITY OF LOCALITIES WHICH THEY
REPRESENT WOULD PROBABLY FEEL BETTER Salts
FED IF THEY COULD BE CARRIED AS REPRESENTA-
TlVES AT LARGE The crank with when seated in high
places sometimes forge the real needs Of his peo
pie who gave him his job
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-03-21
The Modern Kings Joker
BY WRIGHT A. PATTERSON.

ECAUSE man is lawmaker for great nation
great commonwealth is longer indication that he
is not fit subject for insane asylum. Time was, in
this country at least when be elected to represent
certain percentage of the American people, a man
had to be at least Such is the to-day,
either in this country the so-called enlightened
tons of Europe.
When we read OF the idiotic legislation proposed,
and sometimes enacted, by the great parliamentary
bodies of the world sion all
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-03-21

The birthplace great itself nothing of no inter
est The interest purely the which
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
A Painter'n TroubIen.

The desire of the Bank OF England
officials to discover forgers has some
times led to curious. mistakes. On one
occasion the painter George Morland.
In his eagerness to avoid his duns, re-
tired to an obscure hiding place In
Hackney. where his anxious looks and
secluded manner of life induced some
Of his neighbors to believe him forger
of notes then In existence.
The directors, on being informed. dis
patched some dexterous detectives to
the residence. but Morland's suspicious
were aroused by their movements in
front of the house and. thinking them
bailiffs, escaped from the back to Lon
don.
Mrs. Morland informed the visitors
OF her husba and's name and showed
them some unfinished pictures. The
facts were reported to the directors
who presented Morland with two TWEEN
ty pound notes by way of compensation
for the alarm.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
Odd Drinking Cups.

When every man got drunk and was
proud of it in olden days, much ingenu-
ity was expended in the construction
of queer and elaborate drinking YES
sells, and many such are yet to be
found In museums, especially in Ger
many.
One preserved In a Berlin museum
represents Diana mounted on stag
and surrounded by hounds and hunts
men. The cup consists Of the hollow
body of the silver stag. the head of
which is removable. The piece stands
fourteen inches high. 1t was made at
Augsburg In 1910. 1t is also an auto
mobile propelled by clockwork conceal
cd i'll the base.
Trick cups which drenched the unini-
tiated were very popular. Another va
riety contained wine and water in sep
arate compartments. The drinker who
did not know how to manage them
filled his mouth with water, though the
cup was apparently full Of wine.
The glass with the fighting hares, In
the same museum, belonged to Fried
rich Wilhelm |. The hares represent
two OF his ministers and boon compan-
ions.--New York Herald.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
Iniur,eu From Carbolic Acid.

Warnings are given in a medical
Journal against the injury to skin and
even bone which may result from the
long continued use of weak-say, 3. "a
or even per cent--carbolized applica-
tions. especially upon peripheral por-
tons of the body, such as the fingers.
This effect, 1t is asserted is due In a
small measure to the action of carbolic
acid upon the vasomotor system, but In
the main to Its destructive effect upon
the red and white blood corpuscles.
This induces. partly in mechanical
and partly in chemical way. stasis,
FIRST in the capillaries and. If the action
of the drug be continued, then In the
larger veins and arteries, with the re-
suit that the nutrition of the part is In
terfered with and the removal of the
harmful substances hindered; the mae
Grafton of the epidermis caused by the
acid favors evaporation, so that the
gangrene is Il dry one, a mummifca-
ton, as 1t were.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
Az. of the prass B~nA.


"As antiquities 80 nowadays" says
Harvey Sutherland in Ainslee's, the
brass bahd Is very ancient institution.
That Is to say, Its inventor died In 1894
Mt the age of eighty. There were horns
before Adolphe Sax. to be sure. but not
such horns as we have now, for they
could not play every tune in every key.
They could not even play scale In any
key. The very first band entirely or
brass was organized In 1885, and
doubt II any of the instruments then
used could be played upon by modern
musicians without special practice. II
is only back to 1888 when full regi-
mental band of the British army con-
sisted of two oboes two clarinets, TWO
horns and two bassoons. 1t must nave
sounded even funnier than Tennyson's
famous combination of flute, violin ana
Dassoon.'
"IIow long way we have come
since 1888 may be learned from the
ensemble of a first class modern band.
The modern band of forty-two pieces
has half as many oDoes and bassoons
as the ancient band of eight pieces. sew
en- times as many clarinets and nine
times as many horns, to say nothing OF
the saxaphoncs, which are part clarinet
and part horn"
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
Onr Varied aenaann.

The longest cold season In the United
States is found In the Rocky mountain
region. where 1t exceeds the warm by
about ten days. The warm season In
Texas and the lower Missouri valley
opens about ten days earlier than In
the region near the middle Atlantic
coast and from twenty to twenty-five
days earlier than on the southern coast
of California. In the northwest the
warm season opens from twenty to
twenty five days earlier than In the
lake region and from fifteen to twenty
days earlier than in the north Pacific
coast region.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
Got an. better OF Hotel Clerk.


"With all his faults" began Mr.
Fairchild, "the hotel man 10 nrst
class fellow. who will go long way
TO keep his guests from shining too
much in public or from being seen BY
doubtful guests. recall an instance
which happened to me In New York
not long ago. had registered In the
morning and, leaving my key at the
hotel. came back again In the evening.
Finding the night clerk on. but not
on to me, asked him, giving him my
name, IL was In. Not knowing the
number of my room, decided this was
the way to find out.
"He looked at me rather suspiciously.
Evidently the result of his inspection
was not reassuring, for, after making
bluff at feeling In my box, he replied
quite stiffiy:
"'No, sir; Mr.. Fairchild is not In
| sat down on the lounge and said
calmly:
."'Well, when he comes In please tell
him that he is here looking for him
self
"The porter carried the clerk up
stairs. New York Tribune.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
UMIQue TahleCIOth,

When southeast wind is blowing,
the visitor to Cape Town is treated to
a peculiar and interesting natural phe-
nomenon, for under such conditions
Table mountain, in the language OF
the nntives, puts ON tablecloth."
In other words, the thin line OF
fieecy cloud forming above it descends
until it rests fiat upon the mountain
top. with its edges dropping gracefully
over its sides.
1t is really not unlike the article OF
household use which gives it its name.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29

was home talent, and the support was
the same. Some fans can remember
When enthusiasm waxed SO warm thai
nopters appeared even at practice tC
watch the boys.
Manager Capo is doing all in his
power to raise the necessary funds
with which to get his team in shape
His efforts are meeting with some sue
cess. The suits for the team have
been ordered. but the question is. will
tnere be players 10 fill them. There
seems to be plenty of material on hand
but 4. has To be developed. Emanuel
Drachman is captain of the team to be.
.ut poor Capo has been so busy last
week that base baH was the least OF
his thoughts. He says it will not
always be So The following are some
of the candidates and eligibles: Nc
Chesney, Drachman, Kelly, Ford
Gross, Armstrong. Moon. Aldrich
Chambers, Windsor Francis and
White. Armstrong and White will
probably do the twirhng.
FL Paso Bisbee. Phoenix Nogales
and all the rest OF the burgs In Ari-
2ona have teams in the field and are
practirIng hard they will be after
games soon, and Tucson ought to be
ready.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
SELF HernIn Case OF Fire.

As a house Is never attacked by fire
at the top and bottom at once. IL there
Is safe and ready exit at both top
and bottom very little danger to life is
to be feared. 1t is important that all
exits should be so known as to be easi-
ly found by day or night by every in
mate of the house. II the clothes you
have on catch fire. a blanket, rug or
some such wooien article should be
quickly and tightly wrapped around
you. Air is thus excluded, and the fire
goes out.
A small fire in room can often be
put out In the same way In preference
TO pouring water on 1t. In case OF fire
keep all doors shut as far as possible.
If a room is full OF smoke, keep low or
crawl, because smoke and hot air both
rise. leaving the floor comparatively
clear.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
Tennya0m and B0rnum.

Tennyson was extremely eager at one
time to visit America, and touching this
point story is related to the effect
that Barnum offered him an enormous
sum to make the trip, though probably
not as one of the attractions of the
"greatest show on earth" IAN you
have to do" said Barnum, lis to stand
on platform and have your hands
well shaken" The poet, however, de-
clined the tempting offer.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
Regard For Sacred Trees.

Throughout the length and breadth
of India the. Ficus reigiosa, under
which Buddha rested for seven years
plunged In divine thought rs dedicated
to religious worship and may on no &C.
count be felled or destroyed. Win
more universal but not less sincere rev.
erence do the peasants Of Russia pros
trate themselves before the trees w hich
they are about to cut and deprecate the
vengeance OF the deities whose rest
Ing places they then proceed to de.
stroy.-Gentleman's Magazine.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
TuGs0n's Lack Of Interest
In'the National Game

; The local fans are becoming a little
anxious of late about the prospects OF
a Tucson base ball club. In fact.
many have expressed grave doubts as
to one being formed at all. They say
the boys show little interest in the
sport this year that the public seems
to be Indifferent and that enthusiasm
is away below par.
Every day The Citizen is besieged
with inquiries about the team. is
Tucson going to play this year?" and
''Who is going to play?" are just a
few of the questions askeI. But this
is as far as it goes. There seems to
be only an idle curiosity about the
sport. 1t is doubtful If there is a
town In the United States which lacks
enthusiasm enough to get UP an exhi-
bition of the national game. And it
is to be hoped that this stigma or dis
grace will not rest on the old pueblo.
Surely the national game has lost none
of its charm. Tucson has had teams
in years gone by. and teams of which
she could justly be proud. The talent
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
His Mental Tncapacitx.

The Court-So you ask divorce from
this man on the ground of mental inca
pacity. What proof have you that he's
insane!
sane. your honor?
The Court-Why. you say he is men
tally incapable.
The Woman-Yes; incapable of un-
derstanding that I'm oss--Baitimorc
News.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
TORNADO In TEXAS,
PROPERTY DESTROYED
PrObdbEu Sixtu People injured and
Two Men Are Reported TO
Have Been Killed.

DALLAS. Tex. April 29.-The only
details received from the vicinity of
Glen Rose. Somervell county, which
was swept by a tornado last night, say
that the property damage is greater
than at first reported
No mention is made of greater loss
OF life than was shown in the early
reports.
1t is now said that fifty or sixty per-
sons were injured. Two persons were
reported killed near Brazos Point.
Supplies and doctors have been sent.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
A DOCTORS DAD PLIGHT.

TWO years ago. as q result OF q se-
we're cold. lost my voice." writes DR..
N. l.. Scarborough, Of Heborn, Ohio.
Then began an obstaniate cough. Ev-
cry remedy known to me as q practic-
ing physician for IS years, failed, and
! daily grew worse. Being urged to try
DR.. Kings New Discovery for Con-
sumption. Coughs and Colds. I found
quick relief. and for last ten days have
felt better than for two years" POSI-
lively guaranteed for Throat and Lung
troubles by all druggists. SOC and s1.00
Trial bottles rree.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
Taking 1t COO1Iy.

The ship of an admiral who was the
Duke of Welling;ons near connection
was wrecked. lie was placed in com
mand of second ship. which was also
lost. and he himself was drowned. Lord
Charles communicated the disaster to
his father, who merely exclaimed, with
Spartan coldness and brevity, That's
the second ship he has lost"
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
CHIEF OF POLICE
GHVE ULTIMHTUM
And Salt Lake Athletic Club Paid
Big End OF Purse to Slugger
Donovan.

SALT LAKE, Utah. April 29.-An
interesting sequel to the unsatisfactory
ending OF the Phil Green Young Dono-
van bout at the Salt Lake Athletic
club last night developed today when
Chief of Police Hilton notified the
club officials that Donovan must be
given the big end of the purse or fu-
ture contests would be prohibited,
The club officials obeyed the order.
The Tucson citizen., 1902-04-29
The Way 1t Was.

Mrs. Grump-I understand you had
some trouble with Mrs. Kick, where
you last worked?
Hired Girl-Oi didn't hav' no throuble
wild her, mum. Shure it wor her thot
had tn throuble wild me.-Ohio State
Journal