The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1902-03-18
Uhe Nerala ana Nfrs
BRYAN TELLS FUNNY STORIES.
For Half an Hour he Amused His Fellow
Newspaper Men by Telling OF Some OF
the Funny Incidents Of His Career.


himself as country editor from the
plains" was the guest OF honor at
Press Clubs spring smoker last night,
and for half an hour he amused his
fellow newspaper men with funny
stories and incidental references to
his political past and future says the
New York World.
He began with a story apropos OF
the declaration that he had defeated
himself by talking too much.
II didn't tell this story in the cam,
PAIN" he said. "a man died in q
town and no one knew him. They
took him to the morgue, where g
young man came and said it was his
father. He ordered a handsome
funeral. The undertaken put the
body in readiness for a fine burial,
and when all was prepared the SOD
came in to take farewell look.
Just then the corpse's mouth fell
open and set of false teeth rolled
out. It's not my father cried the
yong man, and refused to pay fol-
the funeral.
''The indignant undertaken pro-
tested, but it was no use. He pulled
the body out of the upholstered
coffin, remarking angrily: you idiot,
you might have had q glorious burial
If you'd only kept your mouth shut.
Well, that story doesn't hurt my
feelings now. Pm use to it."
Story No. 2.-''My mouth has
been a subject for criticism ever since
I entered politics. When look in
the glass ]. feel there is room for
criticism. I spoke during the cam
paign in little Illinois town. In
front Of me sat man rigidly atten-
tive. He drank in every word I
said: I think he had drank in some
thing else besides. When I finished
ne came up and wrung my hand.
'Mr. Bryan he said, you are won
derful, wonderful. You are the first
man ever saw whose back teeth l
could see all the time he was speak
ing"
Story No. 3.-"I enjoy the car
toons, even though they are at my
expense. There was one I enjoyed
best of all 1t appeared just after
the Kansas City Convention. 1t
represented me as g topper standing
in state of utter intoxication in front
of a gin mill, a bottle in my hand
labelled '16 to L. David B. Hill
was represented as little girl with
braided hair down his back, tugging
at my coat tails, and pleading:
Father, Dear Father, Come Home
with Me Now"
Story No. 4.-"Back in 1888 I
took part in my first campaign. In
the fifty speeches I made l explained
as well as I could the reasons why I
thought the republican candidate
for Governor should not be elected.
| went more into detail than do
now. After the election and the
republican candidate had been elected
by $4,000 majority, / felt that the
governor elect must feel little hard
toward me for the part had taken
against him.
'I felt nervous every time I was
in his presence. I expected him to
reprosch me. A few months after
wards we were on the same platform
and 1 was all trepidation. 1t was a
mixed programme and the Governor
introduced the speakers. When it
came my turn a man whispered, w;
J. Bryan next He said: L intro
duce W. J. Bryan Then as l
stepped forward he detained me by
holding out his hand. was great
ly sgitated, remembering how I had
antagonized him. He said: Beg
pardon, Mr.. Bryan, dc you speak or
sing?"
Story No, 81 have had occa-
sion several times to say that I am
not candidate for any Office and
have no plans for any nomination
whatever. I thought I had made
the statement broad. A young re-
porter came to me the other day in
st. 10 and asked me the question