Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1902-02-10
ICopyrght, 1901, by Champ Clark

tercstng book or tell an interesting
story if he would write or tell what he
knows about. The trouble however,
ix that tie average person who under
takes to write or talk seeks the unat-
tainablc by choosing an unfamiliar
theme. The witty Sidney Smith once
said, "In the beginning God created
round holes and three cornered holes
and made round people and three cor
nered people TO put into them; but,
unfortunately, most of the round peo-
pie get into three cornered holes and
the three cornercd people into round
holes, and nobody fits" These cloak
room stories have at least one virtue
each man tells what he knows best;
consequently he fits.
Pat and Mike.
Hon. John Dou@herty of the Clay
county (Mo) district, known ii his
county as "Handsome John" and
.'iIone&t John tells this story:
In a certain public school taught in
one Of the counties of the Third con
gressional district Of Missouri two Irish
boys werc pupils. Their names We're
Pat ard Mike.
'Thcy We're uncommonly bright lads;
but, as it not infrcQucmtly happens
with boys who give great promise of
future merit and usefulness they were
given occasionally to innocent mischief
which sometimes interrupted the good
order of the school Upon such occa=
sions. however. they we're invariably
able to avoid positiv" detection and
consequent punishment These boys
occupied seats at the same desk. Be
ing twins. they bore such Il striking
resemblance 10 each other that the
teacher ana even their best friends
were frequently unable to distinguish
Pat from Mike One day just before
the noon hour Pat, feeling in frolic-
somc mood, indulged in the practice
Of throwing paper Wads at his neigh
bors, drawing comic pictures on his
slate, etc. for the amusement of those
who sat rear and by this conduct Gre
ated much disorder in his Immediate
locality Tie teacher obsa,. ID the dis
erder and was unable to l5eate the dis
had well defined suspicion that Pat
was the culprit and called him for
ward to his desk. In the presence and
hearing Gf thc whole school the teach
er said to linn: Pat, | have observed
more or less disorder in that section ef
the schoolroom where you sit, but
s,1st confess that have been unable
to positively identify the culprit-that
is | am unable to say beyond all rea-
sonahle doubt that you are the guilty
person. yet | really believe YOU are
must maintain order in this school. and
| have concluded that it is best to
make an example of you. But before
l proceed to chastise you will offer
you an opportunity TO escape punish
mcnt. viii therefore prop0und to
you three questions which | will re-
ruire You 10 answer Immediately after
school conycnes after the noon hour
These are the questions: "What is the
depth of the ocean, What is the dis
tancc around the carth:' What am /
thinking about:'
"School was adjourned fer dinner.
The boys Pat and Mike. With their
friends, repaired to their accustomed
place to eat the dinners their good
mothers had prepared fer them Fat.
who MAS usually the If" OF the crowd,
WaSon this occasion Silent ana thought
ful. His a!Icctionate twin brother Oh
serving the .dstressfUl countcnance Of
Fat and knowing the cause of it, re.
marked: Pat, am equally as guilty as
you are and deserve punishment rs
we'll as you. | realize that the teach
er's questions are hard to answer, but
| think | can do it. SO when "scllool
takes up" and the teacher calls for you
will so in your stead, You know he
can't tell us apart, and he will think
am YOU. After some objection Pat
agreed. School was convened in due
time The teacher. standing at his
desk. provided with a good apple
sprout. called. Pat. come forward
Mike arose and walked slowly up.
Now. Pat. what is the depth of the
ecean?' Mikes large brown eyes were
slowly raised until he looked the teach
er in the face. and he replied. Il stones
throw, because when you throw
stone into tho ocean it sinks to the bot
rom. thereby measuring the depth.
Well. Pat. that may not be entirely
correct, but III accept that for the first
answer Now. sir. What is the dis
tance around the EARTH Pat showed
more confidence and quickly answered.
days journey OF the sun This was
also accepted because the teacher
thought the third question poser.
and, mechanically reaching for the
SWITCH and advancing one step nearer