The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-08-27
CONGRESSIONAL HUMOR.
The Wit of the Great Statesmen
Flows Fast and Freely.

- ~ AVN hNs
It The Wit of the Great Statcsme
r. Flows Fast and Freely.
- Senator Carmack, of Tennessee, VIII
- was conspicuous during the last Sc
" sion of Congress for his attacks on th
conduct of the war in the Philippine
. used to be q newspaper man before h
: entered the arena of politics, says tn
New York Commercial. He was ask
ed the other day If he was sen
sitive to the bitter criticisms made b.
l some of the newspapers on account o
!, , his arraignmeut of the American
! soldiers in the Philippines.
Not in the least" he replied, "ant
, that reminds me of a story. Their,
used to be man in our town who wa'
not very tall and who was 80 bow.legget
as to appear deformed or crippled
But he had plenty of muscle and {
good deal of grit. One time the bow
) legged man became involved in dis
coming tired of the verbal argument
advanced upon his opponent with q
threatening air and said:
"'You little runtl I've a good no.
tion 20 chaw your guzzleP-whatever
that may mean.
4" AT this the bow-legged man imme-
diately gathered himself together,
squared off, and said: sAll lIghtl I've
been mostly raised on chawed guzzle,
80 sail imp
| " AS L was once a newspaper man,
concluded Senator Clrmack, Il don't
much care what they say about me.
Besides, Pve been raised on that sort
of thing"
One day when Senator-clect Nc
Creary, of Kentucky, was out looking
after his political fences he stopped
before house where there was we'll
in the yard and asked for drink, says
the New York Times.
"Sony, Mister" responded the man
of the house, 4" but there amt drop
on this place, am getting purity dry
myself"
Isn't there any water in the well9"
exclaimed McCreary.
"Of course there is," blurted out the
man: "I didn't know you wanted
water. l thought you wanted a drink"
Senator Blackburn, of Kentucky,
poured out glass of ice water and
drank it with evident satisfaction.
+" There isn't anything quite as good as
water a,ier all,' quoth Blackburn,
/" which, by the way" he added, Gre
minds me of story.
Down in Kentucky" began Mr..
blackburn, " there was faimer, who,
strange to say, did not know the taste
of whiskey. One day, at Christmas
time, he was at neighbours house
and was invited to sample mixture of
cream, lemon, sugar and other in
gradients, commonly known as eggnog.
He slpped, then drank, then drained
several mugs. When he started to 70
home he felt curious. It's an insidious
drink, you know, and when he reach
ed home he went to bed. The next
morning he awokc with an awful thirst.
Breaking the thin covering of ice on
the water bucket out on the porch he
took one long drink.
"'Mandy, Mandy, come here and
bring the children,' he shouted. Il
never tasted such water In my life. {"
Mr.. Brownlow, of Tennessee, has
among his constituents an itinerant
preacher who is not only an eloquent
preacher, but in his opinion, has q
knowledge of the Scriptures second to
oue's. So confident is he that he can
make clear the most obscure passages
that he invariably asks his hearers to
bring him any puzzling text they wish
explained, says The Washington Post.
At the close of very large and
successful meeting country pumpkin
sitting in the back of the hall, in re-
sponse to the PASTORS invitation, an
nounced that there was q matter, a
very important matter, he would like
to have unraveled.
Happy that an opportunity to show
his erudition had come at last, the
wise man encouraged the fellow TO
come to the front and present his
problem.
+" What 1 want to know is," said the
bucolic, Z" is whether Jobs turkey was
hen or gobbler."
Aud when the preacher turned red
and coughed TO hide his confusion his
interrogator remarked in voice that
was audible through the whole hall:
(" pn be burned If didn't stump him
the first timel"
The Western Senator had the floor.
II was great speech and good, and
pictured in glowing colors Nevada's
future, If only men would be wise in
their generation and make the appro-
priation for irrigation. He left moth
ing unsaid. He defied argument, and
finally concluded by declaring SOLEMN
ly:
tin fact, gentlemen, all Nevada
needs is more water and better
society" Whereupon Mr.. Fesseden
observed:
q would like to remind the gentle
man from the West that that Is all hel
needs"
While the late Judge Thurman, o.
Ohio, was in Congress, his wife, leav
ing for a visit to friends, exacted from
the judge promise that he would b'
"teetotaler" during her absence. On
. the day of Mrs. Thurman's return th'
judge stopped in the dining-room be
fore going to welcome her TO take
drop of that from which he ha,