davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
Had the Laugh First.

An old gentleman was walking down
one of the streets in Manchester when
he saw boy crying outside house,
and thinking he might comfort him,
he asked him what was the matter.
Fathers laying the c-carpet down"
"Well, and does that unpleasant
task make you cry?"
Mono; h-he h-hit his thumb"
ooh! You are sorry for your father,
1 suppose?"
Mono, !"-London An
swers.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10

"Henpeck has stopped smoking
again"
"Why doesn't he get his wife to
give him neckties instead Of cigars
for birthday presents?' Cincinnati
Commercial Tribune.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
Couldn't Account for 1t,

Uncle Ezra Wilkins-Hanged if
these city fellers hain't queer. Thet
young dude thet's with us didn't hev
no complaint last summer, but this
season he's allus kickin' bout the
butter.
Hank Hunlsins-What's the matter
with it?
Uncle Ezra-Cussed if / know. It's
the same butter we had last year.
Judge.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
No More Suspense.

"Why did you insist on getting me
an upper berth in the sleeping carp"
asked the habitually austere lady.
SWELL" answered her irrepressible
niece, 'you have boon expecting for
SO many years to find somebody I'M
der your bed that I thought it might
relieve your mind to have all doubts on
the subject removed for once. Wash,
ington Star.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
Another Kind.

First Porter-We had two transom
guests at ouah hotel last night.
Second Porter-Transom guests7
You ought to learn to speak English,
Say transient guests"
First Porter-But dey wasn't. Dcy
got in ovah de transom and out de
same way!-Cincinnat Commercial
Tribune.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10

iy the spreading of the idea that capital labor
They banded together working for the good
without the other is useless grave pity
to stir up ennrty between them.
THE COAL STRIKE NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEGUN.
Surprising had been the position Of these would
called the and said "We boys, what do you
eghthour day and the ton" "Tha
boys We employers work twelve hours day. get
only bread and butter do. All the
But let say nnehour day and the tom And
I'd add that the price Of COAL the public pay
There would be strike
How would be if common way
had been chosen But the intrusion agtators
impatient and the foreigners who have learned
y the blessings Of freedom proved disturbing
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10

was asked by her govern
ess to select theme on which to
write an essay. The little girl
thought for moment, then wrote
down on slip of paper: what I
think of my Creator" "But," said
the governess, ''isn't it rather what
your Creator thinks of you?" "The
matter had not occurred to me in
that light" said the little girl, frig-
idly. Cit would be rather lib
erty considering papa is mayor of
the town."
Similarly, it is rather a liberty
at any time to attempt to under
stand woman, unless she will give
you lead, and then your under
standing must be strictly on the
lines she wishes to be understood;
otherwise, she will be incredulous as
to your mental capacity, and confide
to your nearest and dearest friends
that you ought to be taken away to
some quiet country place to recover.
The chances of your restoration to
sanity are not great; but, still, it
would be too sad if you were to re
main in your present condition and
go about trying to make women mis-
understand themselves.
If women were really logical, they
would not attempt to make them
selves understood. In the first place,
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
His Mind Made Up.

Gibbs-It's no use arguing, my dear,
am going to give up our pew in
church. can't stand that new preach
er any longer.
Wife-But, John
Gibbs--But nothing, Maria. Haven't
.sept wink for the last three Sun
day morpings.-Tt-Bit
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
Hank Hunlins-what's the matter
Not Impossible.

you say the defendant then exc
cuted backdown. Are those the
words you used?" asked the lawyer,
who was badgering the witness.
eyes, SIR" answered the witness.
81 would like to have you inform
me how a man can execute back
down."
well, sir, he could hang his head,
couldn't he?" said the witness, fierce
ly.-Chicago Tribune.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10

Father-stop, Elsie, how many more
times are you going to play ''Ihe Maid
ems Prayer"
Elsie-Mamma makes me play it ten
times because didn't practice yester-
day and ten times more because you
came home late last night.-Fliegende
Blaetter.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
Terrible,

First Microbe-Did you hear of the
accident that happened to poor little
Bacillus? Almost crushed to death.
Second Microbe-Oh, dear! How
did it happen?
First Microbe-He was sitting on a
girls lip when an awful man kissed
her.-N. Y. Sun.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
UbIiS'inG.

Beetem-Pshaw, | must have $40 by
noon to-day, and l left all my money
at home in my other clothes. Can't
you help me out?
Wiseman-Sure. I'll LEND you car
fare to go home foy it.--Philudelphia
Press.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
An Earnest salutatiop.

"Ah!" said Biggs, as prosperous
looking man who had cordially saluted
Diggs passed on. That's the way
like to hear man speak. He seemed
sincerely glad to find you alive and
we'll"
yes" replied Diggs. "He proba bly,
washes the president of the COM
pany my life's insured Brooklyn
Life.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
Accounting for His Time.

Jack-Well, how did you spend your
vacation?
Monday I went to the races;
Tuesday | went to-let's see-where
Tuesday l.
Jack Gnterrupting)-You went to
the pawnbroker's, of course. How
about Wednesday? Flown Topics.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10

"say, pa, how do the astronomers al
ways know when there is going to be
an eclipse?"
"Why, you stupid! Don't you sup
pose they read the papers, the same
as anybody else ?-Heitere Welt.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
The Wise Virgins.

Their lamps were trimmed and burning
So We learn from ancient songs:
They kept them that way, doubtless,
Just to heat their curling tongs.
Chicago Daily News.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10

First Surgeon-I performed vei.y
critical operation yesterday, yet l re-
joice to say that it was n success.
Second Surgeon-Ah-thcn the pa
tient lived
First Surgeon-No, he didn't, but
Ohio State Journal
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
Automobiles and
the Highwa US
BY L. T. AUSTIN.
Author OF Henry Irving" "At Random"
Etc.

shadowed by offender
favors the magistrate with his company He
unaccounaby escaped from his CONTROL great
hurry to reach aWayaon that the rural
capable of testing speed The controversy growing
Prophets tell us that the motorcar will supersede the
Ikey but in the meantime the highways obviously designed
horse traffic 1t years would
the urged for run
ming trains the high road AS will multiply
high speed essential to their utility they trains
specially constructed tracks This costly undertaking:
but the alternative OF great traffic railway speed ordinary
roads rely untenabls
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
Capital and Labor
BY JAY COOKE.
Veteran Pennsy1vanin Finanoisr.
Men like Morgan are making this country

Men like Morgan are making this country
great. Instead of wasting their time and money
in useless pleasure, they are devotng arduous
labor and brain power to organizing great en-
terprises and developing forces which increase
the wealth Of the nation. They prosper great
ly it is true, but it is absurd to say they prosper
at the expense Of the people. They prosper
with them. Such men should be encouraged
and not attacked.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
Are College Frafernifies
Hofbeds Of Vice !?
By WILLIAM RAYMOND BAIRD,


There is still some opposition to col
lege secret societies. ",They hold their
meetings in secret; they lead young men
astray; they interfere with college discipline;
they are hotbeds of vice." say those who
oppose them. But such charges come from
outsiders, from people who do not KNOW
what the conditions are, from those who
are envious or nlisinfornled.
Most Of the opposition is due to the
fact that the fraternties hold their meetings
in secret, have a secret grip, and do not tell
the meaning Of the Greek letters hY which
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
An Annoying Circumstance

Usually it pays as much as $500.
I'm surgeon" -Philadelphia Press.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
The crowds will greet the orator

I IIt CTUWuS VIII BTtEl CNt OTdlUr
With pkaudits loud and clear,
But, somehow, now and then they fail
To vote the way they cheer.
Washington Star
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
A Fathers Song.

To see my happy children play
Doth give my soul delight.
Hi. mother. hurry up, say.
And stop this awful fight.
Judge.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
An Observation.

De big man ain de one dat kicks,
An acks so imperlite;
ats jes' Gle little yaller dog
Dat allus wants to fight.
Washington Star.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
Telling the Good News.

Mrs. Youngma SO my baby
got the prize at the baby show?
knew lie would. 1t couldn't have been
otherwise.
Old bachelor Zone of the Judges
Yes, madam, we all agreed your baby
was the least Objectionable of the
lot.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
A few wears acc there w

A few years age there was an
cutlery against the cyclist, who was
said to make the highways impos-
sible for pedestrians and carriages.
The police lay in wait for him, and
his appearance before the magis-
trates was a common incident of
country life Put now, 1,a &c oyar-
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
ConxOlinC.

'Take back your heart" the letter said.
With tears his eyes were wet.
Until he found the gift he'd sent
Must be with diamonds set.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
His Buslnexx.

81 hold" said the good feeder, chat
no man has any business to work on an
empty stomach"
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10

Mamma-Now GO to sleep, Ethel; re-
member that little angels are with you.
Little Girl lin strange bed)-One of
them is biting me, ma. = st. Louis
Globe
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10
Fair WnrninE.

Don't bother me for money 80"
Said Mr.. Cake to Mrs. c.
"Quit thinking that this Cakes all dough
Or pretty soon your cake will be-"
Philadelphia Press.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10

have to DO It very frequently"
said the stranger.
Chen I'll bet you've found it does mt
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1902-10-10

D DISCUSS woman at any
time requires courage, and
the choice of such a sub
ject rather reminds one of
the prim little girl who
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
Secretary Shaw In PottsvIIIe.

Pottsville. Pa, Oct 11.-Secretary
OF the Treasury Shaw and Congress-
man Bingham. of Philadelphia, ad.
dressed a Republican mass meeting
here last night They were accom-
panied to this city by County Chair.
man I.eib and a delegation from this
county. At the Academy of Music
Heber S. Thompson presided. Secre.
tary Shaw in his speech dwelt upon
the trusts. He in a measure defended
some Of the trusts. but also commend
ed President Roosevelt's efforts to
curb them. Ne also commended the
Republican congress for enacting the
Sherman antitrust bill.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
give Years For nlnamv.

Emporia Kan, Oct li.-James PEN
dleton, mayor of Gentry. Mo-, convict
ed of bigamy, was yesterday sentenced
TO five years in the penitentiary. PEN
dleton, under the assumed name OF
Coda S. Morris. married Miss Grace
Obley, Of Emporia. a few months ago,
and later, under the name of John Cox,
buried a coffin containing ice at Or
lando, Okla, and circulated the report
that Coda S. Morris had been killed in
a runaway. Pendleton has a family at
Gentry.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
Resublican Candidate Dead,

Allentown, Pa, Oct. IL. John II
Pascoe the Republican candidate fol-
state senator from Lehigh county, died
last evening after two days illness from
Inflammation of the kidneys. Mr.. Pas
coe was 81 years of age. He was a con-
tractor for operations of the Lehigh
Valley Railroad Company, and recently
in connection with Hugh e. Crilly
built trolley lines in and about Allen.
town, including the road between
Philadelphia and Allentown. He served
in the state legislature in 1S95-96.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
SPLIT IN RANKS
OF THE VETERANS
Efforts to Gust Commander
Dyrenforth Caused Wild
Disorder
next MEETING IN SAN FRANCISCO

Washington. Oct. LITTLE e141. 1-
ment of the Grand Army cf ta3 he
public for 1902 cgne to close ysster
day. San Francisco was C.o--A as tAr
next place Of meeting. aud the ele,
ton OF officers. begun Thursday va
completed Resolutions were adopt-c
by the encampment having ia view no
eral treatment of veterans ia the MAJ
ter Of public Office and pensions. Tho
kindred bodies TO the parent organ.-
zation also brought their several con
yentions to a close, the Sons Of Vet
Grams. Woman's Relief Corps and other
bodies choosing officers for the ensuing
year.
The sessions of the Union Veterans
Union yesterday were marked by
scenes Of wild disorder and confusion,
and the final result vas a split in the
organization. The proceedings at times
became so heated that personal en-
counters seemed likely. The trouble
began when an effort was made TO
amend the constitution so as to restore
the six months service clause as a basis
for membership In the organization
After two hours of discussion the prop
osition was rejected. This action
created considerable ill-feeling. The
members OF the Ohio, Illinois, New
York, Michigan, Iowa and Pennsylva-
mia delegations then met in conference
over proposition TO withdraw from
the order and affiliate with the Massa,
chusetts organization, which severed
its connection with the order after the
Des Moines convention.
Before the convention met yesterday
afternoon the executive committee
heard General Dyrenforth, the COM
mander-in-chief. in relation to charges
which had ben fled against him by the
judge advocate general of the division
of the Potomac, alleging the use of ar
bitrary power and rejecting on his
personal character. Later the commit
tee made a report, recommending that
he be suspended as commander-in-
chief General Dyrenforth was notified
in open session of the action taken by
General B. f. Hutchinson, Of Roches.
ter, deputy commander-in-chief, who
had been directed by the executive
committee to preside. Pandemonium
followed. Everybody was on his feet,
chairs We're overturned and an effort
was made to throw General Hutchinson
Of the platform. He, however raised
a heavy cane which he carried and
thus kept the crowd back. General Dy-
renforth refused to recognize the COM
mittee to present its report, and
finally, after General Hutchinson had
been called on to preside, General Dy-
renforth refused to make way for him.
General Hutchinson then left the hall,
as did the delegations above named,
those remaining re-electing General
Dyrenforth. and the seceders taking
steps TO form a new union.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
CRIPPLED BY COAL SHORTAGE
seaboard Air Line Secures Only
Enough to Run One Train.

seaboard Air Line Secures Only
Enough 70 Run One Train.
Norfolk Va, Oct. 1.-THE freight
traffic of the seaboard Air Line is al
most crippled by the scarcity OF coal.
Yesterday the coal that was aboard
freight engines was removed to passen-
ger engines and only enough was se-
cured to run the south bound train from
Norfolk last night The lines shops
are busy changing engines to wood
burners.
The combine street railway system
to Tidewater, Virginia. is depending
largely upon refuse coal and scrap wood
from the large mills for fuel and have
chartered barges and tugs to gather the
same. Their shutdown would put
Norfolk, Portsmouth, Newport News.
Hampton, Berkley and adjoining sub
urbs in darkness and stop cars and fer
ries. The Norfolk tug boat owners
met last night and raised charges on
account of tbs coal scarcity.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
B0ERS VISIT KRUGER
The Whole Party Attended Church
Services.

The Whole Party Attended Church
Services.
Utrecht. Holland. Oct. 1.-THE Boer
generals arrived here yesterday TO
greet Mr. Kruger on the occasion of
his nth birthday The whole party
attended service in a church where
Mr.. Kruger assisted by his attendants
entered the pulpit aud in brief
speech expressed his great appreci-
alton Of the generals services and
begged the public to assist in reliev-
ing the distress among the Beers.
Mr.. Kruger said the generals had
only ceased hostilities in order to pre-
vent the extinction of their race and
that their assumption of the role of
beggars showed their desire to save
their people. Turning to the generals
Mr.. Kruger said: Continue your
labors with all humility and perform
your duty as suppliants"
AS Mr.. Kruger descended from the
pulpit the congregation arose and
sang the hymn May the blessings OF
the Lord Rest Upon You"
Pastor Jonker said that although
the Boer national hymn could not be
heard at present, God one day would
permit the Beers to sing 1--WE are a
Free People" After the church ser
vice the generals visited Mr. Kruger's
home.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
SCORE BY INNING
Baseball Notes

Philadelphia National League over
the bridge.
Wilmington b. B. at Philadelphia to-
day
Today will mark the close of the sea-
son at South Side Park.
Bonner played a very poor game at
second plate yesterday.
Shultzs liners are just high and swift
enough, and count every time he
lands.
Barthold, the Chester twirler. is only
20 years old, but age make no difference
there. His ability as a pitcher was
demonstrated yesterday.
BILLY" Day still remains within the
circle Of lifiht. He allowed the heavy
hitting Chesterites but five hits, which
were pretty well scattered
Manager Frysinger, Of the Whining
ton A. A. has received flattering offers
from York. Harrisburg and Chester for
next season.
Todays game in Philadelphia Ee-
tween the RoXborough and Wilmington
teams will draw large crowd from this
city, and will be a great game.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
Boiler Inspectors Inoompetent.

Chicago, Oct. 11.-Ninety per cent
of the men who inspect boilers
throughout the United States are not
practical boilermakers, and conse-
quently are not qualified for the work.
This is the conclusion arrived at by
members of the Master Steam Boiler
makers Association, and at sessions
being held here they are arranging
for a campaign that may result in new
laws being enacted. The charge OF
unfitness is said to apply also to a
large number of the men who make
boilers. and it is one Of the purposes
to have such worlSmen licensed when
they shall have shown their compe-
tency.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
Fatal Rlot at Glass FACTORY.

Nineland. N. J Oct l1-As the re.
suit of a riot at the glass works at
Minatola, near here, Thursday night.
during which one man was probably
fatally stabbed and another was shot,
David C. Applegate, manager Of the
Jonas Glass Works, and Harry Dare,
a special officer employed by the COM
pany, were arrested yesterday. Apple
gate, who is postmaster at Minatola.
is charged with shooting Ralph BAN.
bo, an Italian striker, while he was
passing the glass works, and Dare
was arrested as an accomplice. Both
were held in $500 bail for court. Burt
Van Deemer was stabbed in the back
by an unknown man, and his recovery
is doubtful.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
W LKESBARRE DISAPPOINTED
It is Believed Minere' Strike win
Continue For Some Weeks.


Wilkesbarre Pa. oct l1.-Dlsaps
pointment followed the news received
from New York last evening that the
conference held in the city for the pur-
pose of settling the miners strike
had failed to reach an agreement It
is feared in business circles that the
struggle will continue, for some weeks
yet. The strike leaders viii make
every effort to hold their men In line
trusting to cold weather to bring the
operators to terms. The local oper-
ators say nothing but failure was to
be expected from the New York con-
ference as II was more of a political
gathering than anything else.
The officers of the Third Brigade,
with headquarters in this city, made
the announcement that the order of
Gov. Stone TO place all persons ar
rested for rioting under military
guard will be strictly enforced. A
stockade is being erected at West Side
Park, where the Ninth Regiment is in
camp and prisoners will be confined
there
The operators will make another
determined effort to start up addition
al collieries next Monday and in case
the militia cannot furnish the neces-
sary protection for the men who want
TO go TO work. and their families,
number of local operators will petit
ton the governor as to the advisable
ity of calling on the president for fed
eral troops
National Board Member John Fal-
Ion, says the talk about calling for
federal troops is all moonshine as the
state MALTA now cover nearly the
entire strike region and they have
nothing TO do.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
HER BARREL STOLEN
Annie Taylor, Who Shot Niagara
Falls, Accuses a Man.

Annie aylor, Who Shot Niagara
Falls, Accuses a Man.
Trenton, N. j.. Oct 11.-Miss Annie
Evison Taylor swore before Squire
Mills that Maggie Kaplin had stolen
her fame. and that William A. Brooks,
Of Ohio, had stolen tho barrel in which
she shot the Falls oi Niagara. Miss
Taylor lives in New York. She and
her barrel were at the Interstate Fair
here last week, and she left town with
out taking the barrel along. She heard,
she says, that Brooks stole the bar
rel, and that Miss Kaplin was exhibit
ing herself with the barrel as the per-
son who had shot the falls. A war
rant charging Brooks with the larceny
Of the barrel was issued.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
FIve injured In ExpIoaIon.

Pittsburg, Pa, Oct 11.-Fire yester-
day afternoon at Homestead Pa.
caused by an explosion of natural gas,
badly damaged the Seventh Avenue
Hotel, postofice and Office buildings OF
the Homestead Improvement Company
and seriously injured Mrs Sophia stt-
fel. John Kitch. John Kistle, Joseph
McCune and W. S. Bullock. The in
juries Of the first three are serious. The
loss was about $4,000.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11

REDUCED RATES TO CLEVELAND,
OHIO. VIA PENNSYLVANIA RAIL
ROAD. ACCOUNT GENERAL MIS-
sIoNARY CONVENTION Of THE
METHODIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH.
On account Of the General Missionary
convention Of the Methodist Episcopal
church. at Cleveland. Ohio October p
to a. the Pennsylvania Railroad Com
Dany will sell excursion tickets to
Cleveland. October 20 and 2l, good to
return. leaving Cleveland until October
n. inclusive. from all stations on it's
lines. at reduced rates.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
Real Es,a,s Transfers

The following real estate transfers
have been reported: Emma Moore
and Lewis Moore TO Barbara G.
Thomas. dwelling on Orange street BE-
tween Second and Third streets, tor
$1,000; Anna May Wilde to Esther
Ann Springer. lot cn Eleventh street
between Spruce and Bennett streets,
for 81 $50.
Evening journal., 1902-10-11
Special One Way Settlers Fares to the
Nest via 8. & o. r. r.

Until October 30. inclusive the Balti-
more and Ohio Railroad Company will
sell tickets to points in Arizona, Idaho
California, Colorado, Nebraska, Mon
tana, Oregon, South Dakota. New
Mexico, Utah, Texas, Washington and
Wyoming at very low rates. For full
information write or apply to B. & o.
ticket agents, or H. A. Miller, 7. P. A..
Wilmington. Del.