The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1902-11-07
The Cooks Yarn
How the Swamper Won His Bride
After Many Difficulties.


KNEW he was from the city. When
/ told him to throw out the beans,
meaning that he was to empty them
into the plates for the men, ne ne
| dumped the whole outfit into the
= swill pail back of the Kitchen ten, tenn,
| He was my swamper-second cook, you
| UNDERSTANDABLE II he wasn't much OF
swamper, he had his strong points, one
| of which was an education.
| He was one of the kind you COULDN'T
| sit on, no more than you could a porcu-
| pine. So didn't say anything when one
day | found him pouring tobasc3 sauce
| into the Worcestershire bottle. by ana
| by he said he lowed to break OLD Apner
Tobin of the habit of drinking Worcester
| shire sauce Tobn, who was rancher
near by, seemed to think the sauce was
| beer.
| Knowing Tobin I reckoned that If he
tried it, Abner would break him OF the
habit of breathing. But / wanted to see
the fun, and only remarked that 1t was
queer seeing that he was making love
to Abner's daughter, the prettiest girl In
hundred miles.
only his daughter says the swamper.
Don't want the old man in the family at
ALL"
A., But J. he got in the family before she
WELL he's been in it long enough,
them" he says.
AS it turned out Archie Chat was the
S%amper's namel had ,a good SS, JOB Sol IN
when she was visiting rich relations. His
vacation coming along he followed her
to the desert to see a little of the coun-
| try and a good deal of the girl.
1t was several days after Archie had
set the tobasco sauce trap that Tobin
sprung it. When he .downed the hot sea,
soning he spluttered like a harpooned
whale, and / and the boss reckoned re
would turn himself inside out
who done that?" he asked glarirg at
us.
We pleaded not guilty, and Ahncr
grabbed his horsewhip and loped off down
the creek, where we. could hear Archie
chopping wood. We took turns watching
ward told me what happened. He swore
that he warned Abner the creek was
quicksandy, but the old man wouldn't
stop. You know how quicksand is 1t
isn't so terrible quick, mebbe, but it's
loaded.
Get me out, get me out" screamed
Ahner. so loud that we could hear him
from the tent.
What for; so your whip me?" asks
Archie.
"I'i horsewhip the hide off'n you if you
don't" says Abner.
Il reckon not, unless I come to you,
and you aren't offering any induce
ments." replies Archie.
1 old man. telling him how he'd been court
ing his daughter. and remipding, him that
the only announcement Abner had given
him was to offer to fill him full of lead.
He must have talked to Abner for five
minutes, and all the time Abner was
sinking at the rate of about an inch
when you get tired of what I'm say
ing" concluded Archie, you needn't
stay"
Then Tobin relieved himself of a string
of cusses that ought to have lightened
him so he wouldn't sink, but it didn't,
and, seeing his peril increasing. he be-
came as tame as kitten, and offered to
let Archie call on his daughter as often
as he liked If he'd only rescue him. So
Archie reached him long pole, and he
crawled out onto the bank, shaking him
self like kt-ote with cayenne pepper on
But Abner hadn't surrendered without
conditions in his mind. He was bound to
put some Jumps in Arches path and laid
| awake nights inventing them.
l reckon l ought to have said before
that Tobin owned a big chicken ranch
about two miles from where our camp
was. Every month he drove his two
mules into town with wagonload of
aigs and broilers. He had wagon spe-
cially built. 1t was big chicken coop on
wheels with PLACE t nnder 1a for the
one night going to Dugout with this out
fit.
One night after the quicksand episode
Archie stayed kind of late at Abner's,
and as he was going away he heard a
cacklng about the hen roosts. When he
squinted through the darkness to see
what the celebration was, he made out
|
pened that he had heard Abner tell May
me he wouldn't be going for two or three
days yet. He made a hit-or-miss guess
that the old man was going to run on
with his daughter. He had been too
friendly of late, anyway, to suit Archie.
So the swamper hid behind corn bin
to await developments. Pretty. soon the
mules were hitched up and Abner went
into the house He came out in mo-
ment, leading his daughter by the arm.
Abner and the girl climbed into the. wa
gon1, Archie watching them al the time'
Abner left the wagon to go into the
house for something he had forgotten.
Archie landed on the front seat in two
jumps and cracked the mules with the
whip He had sort of wild idea OF
clipping with the whole outfit. But he
had forgotten to unite the mules. Before
he could attend to it, Abner came out of
the house, and Archie had just time
enough to whisper word or two to the
girl and dodge again behind the corn bin.
When Abner started out. Archie en- ran out
| of the chicken coop. The broilers cack-
led a bit at seeing him, but the road was
rough, and Abner thought that the dis
turbance was caused by the rutS Jolting
He began chuckling to himself at the
way he had fooled his daughters sutton.
batting her hand ''There's heap better
fish in the sea. You stay month or two
with cousin Emily and you'll mebbe see
some.
couldn't keep it to himself.
ITS a good thing that Teller went
home early he said. EARLY to bed and
early to rise, and so on"
"I guess he went to bed with the
chickens tonight" said Mayme.
Old Abner was glad she was quiet. IL
| made his conscience feel easier That she
was taking It in the right spirit.
In the meantime Archie was doing as
well as could be expected under the cir
| cumstances His accommodations weren't
iust what a young Teller would have Sc
iected for a wedding trip. He had to be
pretty quiet, because, every time ne
| stirred, a big rooster that was perched
Just over his head let out warning
| "cluck, cluck."
But Archie was plucky, and when one
of his hips got black and blue from the
jolts. he turned over and gave the other
side a chance to color up. Every time
he did this, the rooster clucked, so Ar
| che dassen't do II more times than was
| absolutely necessary to comfort. Before