Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1902-07-05
in MAKING FRIENDS
Do Not Be Precipitate or You
Will Be Sorry.
CARE IN INVITATIONS
THE DANGER IN BEING OFF,
CIoUSLY HELPFUL.
Even the Pleasantest Guest is a Little
Care, so Select Them
Wisely.
CARE IN INVITATIONS

Copyright, 1902, by Grace Dusie RoyIan,
Written for rhe Evening Star
Friendship is the least understood Of any
Of the relations of society; but believe 81
Is the best gift of heaven to us an and 1
nave no patience with the generally accent
| cd theory that friend is either a steppIng
| stone or tool 1t is the one relation I'm
| NE mat pays no tax and requires no trfb-
| ute FOR, precious and beneficent as Il Is
we can no more exact services in its name
than We can lay hold on and command the
stars.
because | find myself in close sympathy
| with another woman, and We have a silent
compact of good comradeship. l may not
| ask her to tell me her heart secrets or
! lend me her bonnet, or to make for NV
sake, eNhausting efforts in the way of
| pastry or people. We shall be simply two
| individuals driving or walking along the
| way of life, each at her own pace and
/ pleasure, and each sometimes stopping TO
! ming across rose. The fact that we travel
| IN company does not make il necessary FOR
her 10 carry my burdens or for me TO
| shoulder hers. But If our arms yearn for
the task, II becomes pleasant and beautiful
ana only another form of the roso-t throwing
| so the little services of friendship must be
voluntary, for only love may dare to make
commands-and some time love will learn
| a better way.
know some fond and foolish women who
nave sent invitations for summer guests,
and / know other fond and foolish women
VINO nave accepted these invitations In a
number OF cases the hostess has inconl-
petent servants and limited means But she
looks at her cool rooms. fresh IN new mat
ting and linen covers and white yelled mic
lures, and her heart goes out to the friend
VINO is less happily situated. But when that
guest arrives it is going TO dept nd on what
fri pIsnif nh
she proves a comfort or an irritating and
altogether unwelcome addition to the house
hold.
In the first place the woman who needs
to he made happy should confine herself
TO the pleasures Of her own home. And
she who requires constant entertainments
should hire a band for herself and keep it
in her own garden. To have i'm the house
a guest with a thirst for knowledge regard
ing the surrounding country is all right
enough, if she can walk about alone: but
when she plainly shows a desire for the
company of her busy hostess she is early
set down in the books as a bother The
home keeper has, a rule other things
to do, and the sensible visitor a once
adapts herself to the ways of the house
and convinces her hostess that she has no
intention of becoming another care TO her
by requiring attentions than those which
come in the ordinary run of the days.
Forgetfulness of Self.
To open ones door TO friend is enough
Hospitality need do no more. The extra
work that is put upon a housekeeper dur
ing the very warm weather to go about and
to entertain is a tax on her strength. She
gives up her daytime sleeps. because she
fears the woman in the guest room will
feel neglected; her magazines are uncut
and her hours Of blessed solitude complete
ly lost. For woe to the one who has in
vited TO her house a visitor who does not
like to read and who has no interest in the
<1.nl1 ~.
indicates by her manner that there must
be something doing all the time. she
will be dreadfully bored. If she would get
homesick IL would be A different thingi
But these persons who become the blight
of happy summer cottages every season
never become discontinued enough TO leave
And that, as you will agree, is the worst
of it,
The pleasantest guest in the world Is
something of a care. Because the house big
enough for more than one family has really
never Yet been planned. There are always
certain company restrictions imposed;
and times when the presence Of a stranger
not agreeable, even though the stranger
herself may be wholly so. Ii is. then. a
special honor and privilege to enter house
as a guest. and the obligations of the case
should be fully considered. Self-oblitera-
ton is an excellent quality for the favored
one to possess. The habit of cheerful re-
tirement to her own room and blithe read
mess to fall in with any plan that seems to
be popular with those who propose it. IL
possible, to lift or Tighten any care that the
householder has. but on account TO
make herself enough at home to open doors
that are not intended to swing at her bid
ding.
A Common Mistake.
A sweet-tempered friend of mine who does
not claim to be a faultless house keeper
asked a lonely woman to stay a month at
her country place last year. She had a
black cook, and there was Pooh Bah"
in, he Il.
self into butler or coachman or gardener at
will She welcomed her guest and said:
Now We are living very simply. and I
have only two servants; but make yourself
quite at home and be happy in your own
way"
II WILL replied the guest. 81 love to feel
that way. And you must let me help you
That sounded all right. and next morning
sure enough, she dried the breakfast china
But when she came out of the pantry where
she had set the plates she said:
I'VE must put some clean papers on the
shelves in there. III cut them out right
away and you can put them up. All the
dishes on the upper shelves are dusty,
too"
Never mind" said my friend feebiy pro-
testing, Its too warm to work.
But the guest insisted, and they STAYED at
home, busy half the day and too tired the
rest to dress and drive out. That was the
beginning. Soon she felt so much "at
home" she discovered all the Weaknesses in
the housemothers armor, and sternly set
about their betterment. The housecleaning
went on, willy nilly. and new linen was
forever being hemmod. My poor. merry
easy going friend became a shadow of her
former self; a victim of kitchen science
She worked all summer. dashed to unwel-
come tasks by the unfa'ln energy of her
guest, until at last her husband whisked
her off TO Europe, leaving the visitor In
command.
MY dear she said TO me. afterward
recounting the trials of the summer 81 was
never so orderly or so bad-tempered before
In my life. l shall never make a guest 'at
home again.