West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1902-05-29
The Cause of the Boss's Defeat At
tributed to the Treachery of the
Trusty Lieutenants.

The man who wrote "Man's in
humanity to man makes countless
thousands mourn" must have been
a candidate for some political office
in his day. He must have met with
defeat also. This caused him to
shed copious tears, in which his
supporters followed suit. Such has
been my sad experience since the
Primary election. The friends whom
l had backed to come under the
wire sure winner, baked on the
home stretch and fell just outside
the breast-works. By the kind
hand OF Providence, largely assisted
by the voters, placed my candidate
friends and myself in deep mourn
ing. Hence my silence. But my
enemies having urged me to become
reconciled to my fate and cheer up
my candidate friends and prepare
themselves for another journey up
the historic Salt River stream, I
concluded to profit by their sugges-
ton and hunt up the chief mourner
and learn from his own lips the an
guish and torture which his portly
carcass had undergone since he
failed to connect with the antiquated
cushion chair which tradition hands
down to us as a relic of Noah's Ark.
The thought Of another trip up the
stream for the chief mourner was
not the kind of message to deliver
to him with the expectation that he
would extend to them the olive
branch the next time he met them
in the political arena. But having
inculcated the principles taught by
Father Harmonizer when he dwelt
among Us, before he decided to be.
come a resident of the Kanawha
Valley and study the innocent po-
litical tricks of the "Hog Combine, )"
resolved to start out on my mis-
sion of harmonizing.
Bubbling over with such a fellow
feeling, sauntered down to Boss
Hymns Office to pour forth my SYM
pathies, which l had done for the
forty-hfth time since the political
cyclone. found the Boss seated
in his cory Office bordering over a
volume of Innocence Abroad"
He must have been extracting con-
siderable comfort from its contents,
for he seemed to be at peace with
the world. When he discovered nv
presence he arose and greeted me
as cordially and affectionately as
the molasses-bcsmeared babes which
politics compelled him to embrace
and indulge in the pleasantly of
OSCILLATION.
"You are thrice welcome, Growler.
Be seated. The pleasure is all
mine ~ said the Boss, as he OBJ
served slight blush in my face and
took me by the hand. at is true
that ! have lost clerkship and
cushion chair, but the famous dec.
laration of the gentleman who bat.
tied for this office some six years
ago has been verified in my case
slso," and ] noticed in the face OF
my bosom friend a hint of resent.
ment and contempt for the men who
had promised to vote for him, but
had forgotten the commandment,
Thou shalt not lie"
"Words utterly fail to convey to
you my sincere sympathy which I
have so layishly bestowed upon you
since you so artistically duplicated
the world wide famous trick which
gave Napoleon a permanent home
on the Island Of St. Helena" I re.
Piled, with an earnestness which
brought forth mourner's tear as a
guarantee Of good faith, and as an
evidence that the little Corporal,
though defeated, would live longer
in history than the Duke Of Wei
lington.
"History may sustain your con-
tention," replied the Boss in a voice
which betrayed emotion, "but I
must confess that had the decision
been left to me, that would have
selected the cushion char in the
County Clerks Office to a perma.
nent residence up Salt River 70 con.
cluded the Boss mournfully, as he
realized that he had fallen under the !