Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1902-12-19
REED and THE BARBER
Ex.Speaker's Novel Expert
ence In a Hotel.
AN AMUSING CHAT WITH A NEGRO
How the Big Man From Maine Once
Addressed TaIkative TonsorfaI
Artist Who Tried to Draw Him
Out-A Story of His Boyhood Days.
Reply to a Car Conductor.

Reply to a Car Conductor.
Among the many stories told about
ex-Speaker Thomas B. Reed the follow
ing account of his experience In a bar
ber's chair may prove of interest:
Mr.. Reed reclined in hotel barber
shop chair one afternoon looking like an
aproned Buddha far plunged in con-
temptation of the limitations Of the in
finite, relates the Washington Post. In
scrutability cleaned steadily from his
penetrating eyes. He seemed to reck
not that the burly, selfish world was
amove He gazed with continuously
focused gaze upon the knob of the bar
Der shop door-whether attempting to
hypnotic himself or to hypnotize the
knob, who knows?-and he spake no
word to the grinning black barber with
teeth like peeled almonds who swept
the scissors with zephyr touch through
the colorless wisp of hair that family
fringed the after part of the great
mans skull. The disinclination of Mr..
Reed to be discursve was not accord
ing to the barber's ideas of things He
attempted to draw the great man out,
perhaps in order to bequeath a legacy
of epigrams to posterity. The great
man only grunted monosyllabic replies
and resumed his reverie. Then the bar
Der decided to switch the conversation
to the subject of Mr.. Reeds hirsute pc
culiarities.
"Yo' haiuh's sutnly thinnin' out a
heap suh," said he
"Um-m" said Mr.. Reed.
"Teenchy bit o. tonic do it whole lot
O. good, suh."
"Um-m! No."
Bin bald on de top O. yo' head long,
subj"
Mr.. Reed did not remove his gaze
from the doorknob as he drawled: 81
came into the world that way. Then 1
had an interval of comparative hirsute
luXuriance, but it was not enduring. l
have long since emerged from the grief
of the deprivation. 1t no longer affiicts
me. Do not permit it to weigh upon
you"
The black barber studied over this
for awhile, apparently without fully
experimenting its meaning, however.
"Yo' haiuh'd look some bettuh, sub,
eff yo' KEEP it long in de back lake."
he said after few moments Of silence.
Reed removed his gaze from the
doorknob, fastened 1t upon the ceiling,
cleared his throat and spoke again.
Let me assure you, my tonsorial
friend" said he, that the appearance
of my hair, as | have been accustomed
to wearing it, is eminently satisfactory
to myself and, perhaps l might also
say, to my constituents. What little
hair still adorns my head l have pos
sessed for long time. l know it well.
l have been on familiar terms with 1t
for many years. / have inadvertently
mingled spruce gum and chewing tar
with it in my years of extreme youth.
| have often sun dried 1t in order to
present a proper not guilty appearance
at home after surreptitous swimming
expeditions. l have had it pulled the
wrong way by boys whom | only learn
ed to thrash afterward. At the same
period of my life l even endured the
ignominy of having it cut-in ascend
ing tiers-by experimental maiden
aunts. The consequence of all this Is
that that bit of remaining hair and
are old and, l trust, inseparable
friends. | indulge the hair, and the
hair INDUCES me by permitting me to
wear it after my own conception of the
way it ought to be worn, and l indulge
the hair by firmly declining to have it
trihed with by gentlemen Of the scis-
sors who possess artistic ideas more
bizarre than my own. | fear I'll have
to ask you to indulge US both-the
hair and me- Cut it the way directed
you to cut it."
The black barber looked dazed
When the great man left the shop, the
barber mumbled: "Speakuh! All should
say he all is speakuh!'
One day Mr.. Reed was in a great
hurry to get out of Philadelphia, not
that he loved the Quaker City less than
New York, but because he had an i'm
portant business engagement in the
latter city. Arriving at the depot just
about train time, he got pretty well
tangled up in a rather thrilling expert
ence for a man of his weight. He was
making for the train gate at quite a
lusty pace when he was buttonholed,
actually, by wiry little old man, who
looked as though he might have come
from West Chester.
"Why, how are you, Tom" exclaimed
the whiskered party, shaking the pol
itician's reluctantly extended hand.
"Eh-why, l think you've got the
best of mel don't remember you,"
returned Mr.. Reed, sort of perturbed,
for he could see that he had but half
minute to spare.
"Well, if that don't beat alp
you'll have to pardon me. I've got
to make my train" interrupted Reed.
Don't be in a hurry" insisted the
other, taking a firm grip on the ex-
speakers lapel. you'll think who l
am in a minute"
But | haven't time to think" Mr..
Reed shook himself loose and started