The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1902-11-20
A NEW ENTERPRISE.
ny MAX ADELER.

sat down cloae to my desk, 81 might put you
in the way Of a good thing
"Mine"
ooh, no. It's petrifaction company; the
Columbia Petrifaction company, OF CLARION
county ! could spare you 100 shares.
What does the company doE
"Why, you know, it owns limestone
spring up here in Clarion county. That spring
used TO belong to a man named Herkmer
Jones. One day, when his well ran dry,
Jones went off and brought bucket OF wa
ter from that spring and the family drank
| it, What was the consequence! Next morn
inq when the neighbors called, Herkimer
/ Jones was sitting at the supper table turned
! 10 solid stone. He had half OF a sausage IN
! his mouth; that was turned to stone, too.
! SO was Mrs. Jones, and Ellen 7. Jones, and
! Herkimer Jones, Jr., and the baby. The
| limestone water did it. The heirs closed the
whole lot out to a sculptor named Ferguson,
who arranged them in a group and sold them
| TO the British museum as models from the
antique. That is, excepting the baby. He
| put plaster paris wings on the baby and
! passed him off as an original design OF
! Cupid"
What about the company"
w Ell, 1Ou sec bHN COMPANY Nv SANo
bought up the spring property and they in
tend to go into the petrifying business upon
a large scale For example, s'pose you
get contract from congress TO execute an
equestrian statue OF Gen. Washington. First
you find horse; you make that horse drink
at the spring, and there be Isl Perfectly
splendid! Then you find a m-l who bears
sort of general resemblance to Washing
ton. You arrange a picnic; get that man
up there in the woods; offer him drink;
and in IL minutes you can chip spalls on
of him with a stone-chisel. Then You mount
your man on your horse, and there you
have a group OF statuary such as Greece in
her palmiest days would have given her
bottom dollar to get"
81 see"
"The company, you know, purposes to
have the country poorhouse located near TO
the spring; and as the president Of the board
Of trustees owns 90 shares, we calculate to
soidify paupers right along without inter-
mission, say 20 or 80 day. Don't you see
what magnificent prospect II opens up for
high art in America? We can fill any order.
Say you want a statue Of Gen. jackson, and
the only available nauper is too fat What
DO we do? We petrliy him, and then We
chip him down and touch up his counte-
nance, maybe, with a chisel. Suppose you
want pair OF saints to work into the front
door TO a church. We select couple of
venerable Migrants, harden them, turn their
noses down, to give them dignity Of express
sion, and the bricklayers then can build
them right into the door jambs."
Suppose the demand for that kind OF
statuary be small?
Then we come down to basis Of utility
at once S'posin' there's a pauper with in
fammatory rheumatism in his leg? We pet
rify him. We sell him to a doctor. That
doctor cuts off the leg with marble saw,
and there he has that inAammatory rheu-
matism right before him turned into gram
tie. S'posin' one of them has torpid liver!
| In two hours the doctors can examine that
| liver Just as II it was a brickbat, with the
| torpidty sticking out all over 1t. Mind you,
| ii the supply of paupers holds out venture
| to say that the day is not far distant when
you can take petrified livers, and hearts,
and muscles, and brain pans and build a
| two-story house with them, with all the
| modern conveniences, a mighty sight cheap
| er than you can build it out of common stone.
| Imagine living in a house made of ossihed
| lvers BE unique, wouldn't It? 1t would
| attract attention.
Il don't care for such things myself,
but"
"Gen. Bangs, he tried some curious expert
| meuts with the water out OF that spring.
| He threw bucketful on cat that was jump
| ing about on his back fence one night; and
| there she is now, fur up, tail elevated, mouth
| open, picturesque and natural as life! Next
night he soused another one; same effect
| OF course and now Gen. Bangs has Is ex-
| uuisItc statuettes OF cats IN various attn
| tudes Of grace ranged around on his fence.
| Ferguson, the sculptor told him he couldn' t
| have had those cats done in Carrara marble
| n Europe under $50, 600 But, of course, you
| have to be careful when you have the Co.
| lumba water around. Gen. Bangs kept his
| in a barrel, and the other day his mother
| in.law filled pitcher from it, accidentally,
| and took drink. One hour later it took
| six men to carry her to the window so they
could lower her to the pavement with a
| derrick. She weighed nearly ton, and was
so hard you couldn't crack her with sledge-
| hammer. The general was sorry, OF course;
and after he had her mounted on revolving
| pedestal he kept her in hls front parlor for
| a Whllc palUlng her on on ms tflenus as
an imported statue Of Minerva. But, finally,
! a. she excited unpleasant comments, he had
| her cut into slabs aud put into his cemetery
! lot as tombstones. He bad the gratifying
! reflection that she il near those who were
! dear TO her. Let me tell you that If our
company once gets to work, and paupers
are plenty man who wants a yariegated
tombstone can get something that will please
his taste at rates that will make the marble
| yard people sick
1T looks like good thing, but believe
| ] don't care to go into it"
I'm tell you what Ill do. I'm a little
pressed for money now, and If youll buy 30
shares, you may take them at half price,
and III petriiy any OF your relations you say
for nothing How's that
II have no relations that want III that
| condition"
NO aunt, or grandmother, or anything
that would work up well into a table top,
or a slab for fixed washstandt"
No"
And you're going to throw away this
chance Of promoting aesthetic culture aud OF
encouraging the love for the beautiful in your
own country
Pm afraid so.