Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1902-02-05
Old Slouch's
Dilemma

Dilemma
There was once young fellow who
prided himself on being the champion
long-distance author of the world. 1t
was his proud boast that he had once
written two complete and hair raising
novels of about 100000 words each
within the space of six working days,
and he was wont to aver with conf
dence that he could repeat the per-
Torrance with one hand tied behind
him.
He was known to tens of thousands
of youthful readers of red, yellow and
pink fiction as "Old Slouch," and he
wrote of strange and weird happen
lngs in strange and weird places in q
manner yet more strange and weird.
Old SLOUGH had started life as Q
printers ''devil'' in the Office of the
Fireside Reflector, but he was am
bilious and soon became an office boy.
Then he took to nigh school and made
such progress in the three "R's" that
his culture was recognized in due time
by an advance to the position of copy
reader, in which capacity he was called
upon to read several million words
from the accomplished pen of "Cali-
fornia Charlie" who was at that time
the mainstay of the fiction department
of the Reflector.
His chance came one night when a
messenger arrived in hot haste from
the lodgings of "California Charlie" to
report that the gifted author was un-
able to finish the concluding INSTALL
ment of his thrilling novelette, en-
titled: ''Three-Fingered Steve; or,
The Cowboys Curse" for the reason
that he was greatly incommoded by
the presence in his room of three pink
and-blue zebras with yellow polka
dots and six old-gold lizards with
purple tails.
The editor was in despair, for the
Reflector must go to press in six hours,
until the new copy reader volunteered
to finish the story from, the point
where the lizards had so incontinently
interrupted it. This he was allowed to
do, and he accomplished his task with
such success that when, few months
later, California Charles acquaint-
anceship with reptiles and such land
ed him in the incurable ward the fu-
ture Old SLOUGH stepped easily and
gracefully into his place.
Probabilities never hampered Old
SLOUGH. What his readers wanted were
improbabilities, nor would they even
balk at an occasional impossibility,
which was just as well. In the most
successful of his works, tale of ro-
nance and adventure entitled: "Wick-
ed Bill; or, The Dauntiess Hero of
Bloody Gulch," the talented author
landed his people on the rocky shores
of one of the FIJI islands, shipwrecked,
starving, and defenseless. Up rushed
band of cannibals bent on a good
meal. Did they get it? "Over my dead
body" said Old SLOUGH to himself and
he wrote:
1T so CHANGED that our hero had
once known Fiji islander in San
Francisco and from him had learned
the, language of those parts. He there
fore addressed the leader of the band
in the vernacular. Amusement seized
the savage cannibals. They dropped
their cruel weapons, grasped Bills
horny hand, and hailed him as broth
er. They were saved!"
But with assured success languor
overlook Old SLOUGH. Only when he
was penniless could he be induced to
write, and that was why he sat one May
morning with his feet upon the win
dow sill, looking out over the neigh
boring chimney pots, although he had
just received an urgent demand for the
first chapters of "Shivering Sara; or,
The Counterfeiter's Stratagem. He
had 36 cents in his pocket. Why should
he. toll? Why, indeed? = &<.s
Il was at this moment that he had
call from his. friend Jake Mosenthal,
whose father ran a pawnshop around
the corner. He often took delight in
fnquiring of the guileless how it could
be that Jake's father was his uncle, al
though he himself was not related to
Jake. Jake had a holiday and he was
planning sailing party. A friend of
his had loaned him catboat that lay
some few miles up the sound, and
Jake and his sister were going to take
sail Wouldn't Old SLOUGH join them?
Old SLOUGH thought of the So cents and
guessed he'd better not. .-sss~
''Oh, come on" coaxed Jake. cts
q fine day and Tim Monahan's going
and Sally. Paterson, too. What's the
matter with you, anyhow" Had it
been anybody but Jake Old SLOUGH
would have had'no computations about
borrowing, but he did not care to Dor
row from Tilly's brother because
well, there were reasons. 81.
m At the mention of Tins name, how
ever, Old SLOUGH pricked up his ears.
He shrewdly suspected that Tim was
not far behind him in his appreciation
Of the good points Of Jake's sister.
Moreover he was quite sure he could
borrow from Tim certain coin Of the
realm. At length he decided to 90,
and Jake departed with an injunction
to be sure and meet the others at the
4 Long Island City station at ten O'clock.
One cent for a. morning paper, Ave
cents for an elevated ticket, and three
cents. for q ferry ticket landed Old
Ss.oueh ct Long Island City with %
cents IN his pocket. he had taken
good care not to be on hand first, il the
hope fiat some bod might buy his
ticket. Alas tor that bright hope!