davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-08-26
The Way TO Greet a burglar

SEE that newspapers have
II from time to time has advo-
Gated the infection Of the
death penalty upon convic-
ton Of the crime of house
breaking, holding that the
burglar is at all times at heart a muir
derer, said headquarters detective this
morning, land none more heartily concur
in this recommendation than the police of
indianapolis and of the other large cities.
f'In view of the fact that the IegisIa-
lures of the different states do not ap-
pear to be willing to impose the death
penalty upon new offenses, it is probable
that it viii be years before the first state
gest these rules:
First, the best burglar alarm in the
world is small dog, kept in the house at
night. 1 lodge where there is a pug,
breed of dog not considered over bright,
but 1 will give any man of peaceful in
tent, or otherwise, a new suit of clothes
if he can enter my house and entering it,
move about that Pups will not detect his
presence at once. Though she is little
coward, she will bark the steepIe off a
church, and raise enough fuss to float
full-rigged ship at the slightest untoward
noise, however faint, though 1 may enter
the house at any time of the night or
morning and be greeted with affectionate
shifts and grunts.
THE house is not the place for big dogs.
which, if kept on the outside, are az
likely to bark at cats as at burglars
Nevertheless, large, well-trained dog in
the house is better than no dog at all.
Second, If you see a stranger in your
room and your revolver is close at hand
always shoot at him to kill; take good
aim at his body, and not at his head, as a
larger target is presented, and your bullet
is more likely to reach home. You are in
all probability not a good shot, or, If you
are, you will more likely miss his head
than his body. Always fire twice and
thrice If necessary, before you stop. Ask
questions as to his presence in your room
at that hour afterward. Have no more
conpunctfon about killing q burglar than
you would a mad dog; in fact, favor the
dog. Always remember that he is In your
house unlawfully for two purposes-to rob
you and kill you If necessary; therefore,
whether expert or novice with a gun,
never shoot to wound; plant your bullets
thick and fast into his body.
Third, If you have a revolver, do not
keep it In the bureau drawer, but under
your pillow, or within easy reach by the
SIDE or your bed SO that you can get your
myers around the trigger with the least
possible movement. and without getting
up II man ever needs a revolver under
these circumstances he needs it right
away and he should not have to go and
hunt it.
Fourth, II you hear a noise in the
house. or your wife hears 1t and wants
you to go down In the cellar with a light
@Hn't go. Don't light the gas, either. to
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-08-26
Searching for Bit OF Lost Time

der's web is used for this purpose because
1t is the finest thing known TO science
much finer than the most delicate strands
Of silk. The web is arranged in tiny
squares on the glass.
The observer notes when star touches
the lines, and, with his eye still fixed to
the instrument, touches an electric but
ton at his side, which automatically re-
cords the fractions Of seconds. BY the
way, spider of astronomical ambitions
recently discovered an instrument which
had not been used for some time. The nj
sect worked its way between the lenses
and weayed another web around the one
intended for celestial observations. The
next student who used the instrument dis
covered countless worlds unknown to
science.
A great authority on these matters, In
the course of an interesting conversation,
declared that there is no such thing as
time-that Is exact time.
There is nothing regular in nature"
the savant proceeded. 1.-THE earth is con.
tinually changing its position in regard
to the seasons; therefore, the appearance
of the stars from which we get our time
varies considerably, though these Varia-
lions are tabulated at Greenwich
"In other words" suggested the inter-
viewer, "a man with the finest and cost
lest watch. regulated daily from Green
WISH, goes not KNOW the time
Not exactly" was the reply. HE
knows the time approximately, and that
is all. This great and awe-inspiring
change in the earth is constantly going
on. The ice age is gradually returning.
when man will become extinct. Nine in
telligent persons out of ten believe that
we are nearer the sun in summer than
in winter The exact contrary is the case
in the present history of the earth. We
are farther from the sun when the dog
days are on than we are In the depths
OF winter. But in time what people now
imagine to be the case will actually come
about. The earth will again be farthest
from the sun in winter, and that will be
the end Of all things.
Greenwich, in calculating the time
from the stars allows for these changes.
II a star were so far out as ten minutes
twenty-five seconds the geographical
position of London would be changed to
Bristol. A difference of only three sec
onds would place the Bank of England
where ST. Paurs cathedral now stands; a
difference of six seconds would transfer
Westminster abbey to Blackfriars bridge;
one second less would put the British
museum in Berkeley-square.
what makes the position all the more
complex Is that there are two kinds Of
time-the sidereaI. used by the Green
witch calculators, and the tropical. known
to the man in the street Neither time
furnishes exactly 365 days to the year.
The former is 365 days, 6 hours and 9
minutes; the latter. s65 days. IS minutes
and 4S seconds
In conclusion, the scientist expressed
the opinion that the present state of the
more or less muddle would never be Inn
proved until there was a universal
standard OF time.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-08-26

blizzard. This is one of the most pecul-
lar and dangerous of winter storms.
While it RACES the air is filled not with
snowf1akes, but with needles Of ice which
sting the flesh painfully wherever they
strike. These needles are peculiar to the
blizzard. and nobody can account for
them. No one can tell why it is that to
person caught in one of these storms it
seems AS If the wind came from all direc-
tons at once, blowing straight in ones
face. no matter which way he turns.
Why is it that ice sometimes forms in
mysterious manner on the bottom Of
rapidly flowing stream instead of first
freezing over the surface?
Don't ask the wea Their bureau.
One theory is that the whole denth Of
water being cooled to below 90 degrees.
the more quiet layer at the bottom freezes
= sooner than that which is swiftly NOV
ing above. The explanation i~ not reer-e I'd
satisfactory. however. The fact that ice
ought to float cannot be got over so
easily. 4xe
What are those stra-pe dea+L-lzeaI1nq-
balls of electric Sire that sometimes en-
ter dwellings DURING storms and ex-
Mode? During the st. Louis tornado of
1896 glowing snheres of dazzling bril-
fancy shot about in every direction now
and then BURSTING with deaferin~ re-
ports. while the sllv was continually H.
Eliminated bv. red. blue. ereen and yellow
lightning The same thing happened in
the great Louisville tornado. Similar
balls of fire. sometimes as big rs bar
rels, have been saen rolling over the sur
face of the sea What are they and Row
are they formed? NOBODY knows They
are mystery to the scientists. and the
only thing that can be said about them
is that they apuear to be the most in
tense form of electricity known
How does the tornado. the most terri
BILE and the most destructive of all at
mospheric phenomena, perform its
freaks?
The funnel-shaped cloud that does the
damage runs at speed of forty to eighty
miles an hour. 1t looks like an immense
balloon black as night. sweeping it's neck
round and round with terrible fury and
tearing everything to pieces in it's path.
It plucks a chicken clean. drives a scant-
ling through man. strips a woman
naked and carries a baby mile unhurt.
How does it do these things? The
weather bureau doesn't know. Nobody
knows. Wherein lies the gigantic energy
of the whirling storm? The experts are
unable to hazard even a respectable sur
mise beyond saying that electricity must
have a good deal to do with it.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-08-26


- and French astronomers.
Probably ever since time was known
there has existed a difference of sixteen
hundredths Of second between the
meridians Of Greenwich and Paris. Now a
degree of longitude is equal to four min
utes in time; therefore, this difference,
though of slight importance to England
and France, means great deal to coun-
tries situated in the far East and West.
The object of the present international
conference is to rectify the difference,
and the meetings will continue over a
period of two years. At the end of that
time 1t is not impossible that several
countries will discover that they occupy
quite different position on the map to
what through ages they have been ac-
customed to!
It may be that disputes will arise as to
the frontiers Of great nations; 1t is not
improbable that the owners of gold and
other mines will awaken to the astonish-
ing fact that they have been paying taxes
and royalties to some country in which
their properties are not situated!
Nay, further. pig-tailed Chinamau.
who has been living on the boundary of
China and Russia, may learn that he is a
Muscovite-and has always lived in
hatred of his own country and himself.
Or a Norwegian located on the border
line may discover that he is really a
Swede.
The scientists of England and France
recognize the Importance of these
changes, for costly buildings have been
specially built at Greenwich, and great in
struments erected for the observations.
and all this Notwithstanding the fact that
the difference to be corrected is, in the
two countries. so infnitesimal.
An elaborate system of checking the
work of the large staff Of astronomers
and mathematician has been devised.
This is necessary because the observa-
tons of the stars. which furnish our time.
are of such delicate nature Moreover,
no two men, however perfect their eye
sight, ever see an object at exactly the
same moment. In fact, two persons look
ing at a clock simultaneously do not see
precisely the same time indicated.
A slight arrangement of the stomach,
such as Indigestion, a dull brain due to
the loss of an hour or twos sleep, business
or domestic worries-an or any of these
conditions prevent person seeing what
the exact time Is.
A chronic dyspeptic would be utterly IN
capable of performing the duties at Green
wich Such an afflicted person would also
be useless in business If trains ran to sec
onds, for he would seldom catch one.
Hence the careful checking system in reg
ulating the lost 16-100 Of q second.
AS already described, the stars provide
the time. They are viewed through tran
sit instruments telescopes with lines of
spiders web fixed to the eye lenses. Spf-
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-08-26

:: :: :: !: :: !: :
HE strangeness of the
II" weather this summer natur-
ally gives rise to the ques-
ton, How much does the
United States weather bu-
reau really know about the
weather." This summer, during the
greater part of the past two months, it
has been cool and cloudy, whereas from
all previous summer experiences the
usual enervating heat of July and Au-
gust DAYS is what the people were pre-
pared for.
Instead the government officials are
about as much astonished at the strange
I - the weather has taken as are ordi-
nary citizens. The weather bureau has
not yet explained the why's and where
fores for this out Of the place weather
Do they know?
The weather of this summer has been
the most remarkable within the history
of the present generation-a season of
abnormal chill and fog. Everybody has
been talking and wondering about 1t, and
most people would be exceedingly inter
ested to learn the cause of this freakish
weather Surely the weather bureau Of
AAOioAS, WLiOSo DuSiIl6SS II Is TO know about
such things, ought to be able to give at
all events, lucid explanation
But such is not the case
Regarding many things about the
weather the United States weather bu
reau is still as much in the dark as the
farmer whose wheat crop is in danger.
or the ptcnicker, who is in doubt as to
what the day he has chosen for his out
ing will bring forth.
Weather experts haven't the slightest
idea as to the cause for this most extra
ordinary summer weather They saw if
isn't the moon and it isn't the sun spots
but beyond that they don't know what
to say.
In fact, government officials confess
that there are a great many things about
the weather which they don't pretend to
understand.
They know that areas of low barometer
and areas of high barometer travel along
certain paths at certain seasons. and that
IN low area there is likely to be rain:
but information on such matters. espe-
c1aIly as to reasons why is very incom-
plete. Storms are more or less of a puz-
zle. About this time of year big storms
are liable to run up the Atlantic coast
from the West Indies. They are called
hurricanes, and thev nature of them is
comprehended in a general way; but the
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-08-26

and others. You may laugh upon recefv-
ing letter from Bean, but you can send
your letter If you have occasion to Pea,
Turnip, Potato, Pumpkin and other
funny towns
Fruits are favorites among name max
eTs of towns. and Pineapple, Crabapple,
Peach, Blackberry, Strawberry, Huckle-
berry, Banana and other good things of
the sort are spread all over the United
States. Birds are found In liberal num-
bers, big and little, from the Quail,
Pigeon, Crow, Hawk. Peacock. Drake,
Ducks, Crane and Buzzard to the queer
feathered creature called the nodo.
Towns named after trees are found
everywhere. Pine, Poplar-a very popular
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-08-26

and their friends In other parts must
laugh when they address their letters. A
boy can address letter to Poor. with
the expectation of receiving an answer
from Rich. girl can write and send her
letter to Penny, NickIes, Dimes, Quarter,
Dollar or Eagles. Nuts are literally found
all over the states-Pecan Acorn. But
ternut, Brazil, Chestnut, Walnut, Almond
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-08-26

choice-Cedar, Olive, Oak, as well as
Beech, Birch and Maple. Pony is queer
place to direct a letter to, but Bear,
Beaver, Lynx. Tiger and Leopard gobble
up letters properly directed as we'll Sugar
Is a sweet town to get letter from, but
Honeyville Is sweeter. Flowers grow pro-
fusely as tewns-Daisy, Lilac. Lily. sun
flower and Rose
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-08-26
The Reason.

tive Just been reading some statistics
OF births and deaths. Extraordinary
thing! Every time breathe man Dies"
Great Scott! Why don't you cfrew
cloves?''
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-08-26
The Humor Contained in Some Simple Personal Wames

HEN names were passed
around some peculiar fancfes
must have possessed the
good people who did the
work Some boys and girls
In stronraIy ,aa $500
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-08-26

CONFERENCE at once strik-
ingly novel and of world
wide interest is at present
taking place at Greenwich,
England, between British
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-10-21

1t was Aunt Rebecca's first visit to
her niece, city girl whoshad married
a few years before and begun house
keeping in a pretty town in southern
Michigan.
Myrtle" she said, looking out of the
kitchen window one morning, you
have fine patch of ground here that
seems to be going to waste Why don't
you plant peach trees? They grow
beautifully in this climate"
"No, aunty," replied the young wife;
@'the soil is too poor. l have tried it.
You remember those canned peaches
you sent me year before last? They
were the finest / ever saw-finer than
any that grow here. Well, saved the
stones, and, without saying anything
to Robert about it, / planted them out
there in the yard, but not one of them
ever came up-not single one!'
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-10-21
The Royal Color.

Purple has always been considered
the royal color. The ill fated Charles
L. was, however, at his own desire,
crowned in robe of white. Although
he was seriously reminded that of the
two exceptions to this rule, Richard II.
and Henry VI, who wore white satin
robes at their coronations, both had
come to violent end, one at Ponte-
tract castle and one in the Tower,
Charles I. was resolute in his decision,
and, when, twenty-three years after
ward, almost to day, his body was
conveyed to its grave, through heavy
snowstorm, the superstitious could not
help remarking that the third white
king" had suffered violent DEATH
st. James Gazette.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-10-21
A Poor Compliment.

people don't often insult you when
they mean to be gracious" said an art
list the other day. Insults are the ere
ations of ill nature and not mere mat
tiers of words. But | had an expert
ence that made me laugh and yet irri-
tated me-"
Somebody take one of your snow
scenes for spring landscape?" in
quired an amiable friend.
"No," replied the artist "this was
not matter of professional pride. A
tradesman sent me a bill in which he
unintentially charged me only about a
third of what owed him.
Thought he stood a better chance
of getting it, l suppose" interrupted
the facetious friend.
Nov, hold on, Billy, and let me tell
the story. Well, that was the second
time he had sent bill for less than
owed, and l wrote him a note calling
his attention to the error. This morn
ing got letter from him in which
he thanked me for my honesty A
man may thank you for your courtesy
or for your kindness, but when he
thanks you for being honest it is an
insult. One might as well praise a
man for not beating his wife"
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-10-21
Labor Platform.

The platform adopted at Helena is
as follows:
"That, Whereas, the conditions now
prevailing in our country are such
that energetic action on the part OF
the masses of the people become an
absolute necessity, in order that our
country and it's people may be freed
from the evils which are now worked
upon them by greed and gold as rep
resented by corporations, trusts and
privileged institutions. now, there
fore, be it
Resolved, That we believe that the
eight-hour law should apply in all the
industrial institutions of the country,
and we believe laws to that effect
should be enacted by all of the states
of the union.
I'VE declare by this convention
that persons seeking the nominations
or support of the labor party pledge
themselves in writing to work for
and vote to make the initiative and
referendum and the eight-hour law a
constitutional amendment; and to
make a fellow servant law; also the
election of mining inspector by a
direct vote of the people legislat-
i've enactment; also to vote for bill
to make eight hours a legal day on
all public works.
Resolved. That we believe in a
higher standard of education, a COM
pulsory education and an education
which will compare favorably with
the advancements made in the arts
and sciences and which will fit boys
and girls to be true men and women.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-10-21
A. F. of L. Platform.
Compulsory education.

- SOhIPuloOAJ SuuS6CAOh'
2. Direct legislation through the
initiative and referendum.
8. A legal work day of not more
than eight hours.
A. Sanitary inspection of work
shop, mine and home.
5. Liability of employers for inju-
ry to health, body and life.
6. The abolition of the contract
system on all public works.
Z. The abolition of the sweatshop
system.
s. The municipal ownership of the
street cars, water works and gas and
electric light plants for public dis
tribution Of light, heat and power.
8. The naturalization of tele-
graph and telephone, railroads and
mines.
10. The abolition of the monopoly
system of land holding and substi-
tuting therefor a title of occupancy
and use only.
II. Repeal all conspiracy and pc
nal laws affecting seamen and other
workmen incorporated in the federal
laws of the United States.
IL. The abolition of the monopoly
privilege of issuing none" and sub.
shutting therefor system of direct
issuance to and by the people.
If man can eat, sleep and keep
warm he has much to be thankful
for; if he can see how the world wags
he can be merry even in adversely;
if he has a good conscience he is
greater than any king.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-10-21
Dance at Ryther's.

Friday evening, October "a, here
will be another of those enjoyable
country dances at w. H. Ryther's
Deer Park hall. The commodious
building has already been dedicated
to Terpslchore, and pronounced one
of the best places for dance in the
county, not to mention the hospitali-
ty and good cheer of the Ryther fam
lily. Everybody will be welcomed at
the next dance. Don't forget the
date, Friday, October "a at Deer
Park hail. near Columbia Falls. Tick
cts for the dance, 81. Supper, Csc.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-10-21
Socialist Platform.

i. Labor produces all wealth.
2. Under the present economic
and political conditions labor's share
in the wealth it creates is merely a
mean and uncertain subsistence.
8. So long as the present organiza-
ton of industry remains the capital
list class will monopolize the ma
chimes of production and will appro-
pirate through the wage system the
wealth created by the working class.
4. AS a necessary consequence of
this exploitation of the laborers by
the capitalists-this exploitation of
all the property out of the hands of
the toilers into the private ownership
of the holders of capital, there is an
inevitable economic struggle between
the interests of the working class on
one hand and the interests of the
capitalist class on the other
5. The class struggle between the
wealth makers and the wealth takers
will endure SO long as our present
system of production for profit con
tinues.
6. In this conflict between the
workers and the capitalists, labor is
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-10-21
Call of Duty.
Sherman's Music store,
Kalispell. Oct. IS, 1902.

Kalispell, Oct. Is, 1902.
We, the undersigned candidates on
the Flathead county and Kalispell jul
dicial township socialist party ticket
hereby pledge ourselves to resign and
relinquish said offices, if elected in
case of any misconduct, neglect of
duty or incompetence on our rart,
whenever such misconduct, neglect
of duty or incompetence be proved
and decided by majority vote of all
the Flathead county local socialist
party club.
And, further more, we the legisla-
tive candidates on said county ticket,
if we are elected to serve the county,
consider any action of ours that is
not in harmony with the principles
of the socialist party platform printed
below, as misconduct and neglect of
duty on our part, and we also INVITE
the fullest investigation of our action
at any time during our term of office.
(Signed by all candidates.)
HERMAN WRIETH
CHARLES BLUSH
j. A. BILLINGS
j. HALVERSON
LOUIS LARSON
|. r. GILDEA
ROBERT CLAUSEN
OLOF PETERSON
A. REcH
j. S. BRYANT
JESSE YENNE
{. TIESING
JOSEPH SNYDER
DR.. IDA ROSENCRANS