Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-06
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thought he had his eyes on the estate.
Harvard Lampoon.
Subbubs-Why are you sneaking into
the house so quietly? Commute-Sh-h!
The cook has company. and I do not
wish to disturb them.
II can safely say that no man ever
attempted to bride me, gentlemen"
Don't be down-hearted. old chap:
your luck may change"
Citiman-I see you raise your own
vegetables. Suburbanite-No! I SIM
ply plant small garden so as to keep
the chickens at home.-Life.
The Lawyer-I really hope I don't
annoy you with all these questions.
His Fair Client-Not at all. I'm used
to It. have 6-year-old son.
He-I fancy men believe in friend
ship rather more than women do. She
Possibly, but the great trouble is It's
generally their own friendship they be.
lieve in.
Internationally, now. did you
learn anything while you were in col
lege? Graduate-Um-m-well, ! learn
ed how to state my ignorance in scien.
tific terms.
"1s your family fond of cereals, Mr..
Jumpup" "Oh. very! we're reading
several In the Parlor Portfolio now,
and can't hardly wait from week to
week. "-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Cassidy-Shtop kickin' about yer
hard luck. man! Some mornin' yen
wake up an ind yerser famous.
Casey-Faith, OH bet ye whin that
mornin' comes twill be me luck to
overslape mesel'.
Mrs. Hiram Offen-I hope you wash
ed the fish thoroughly before you put
in on the broiler. Della. Delia-Shure,
what would be the use of thot, ma'am
Hasn't 1t been livin' In the water all it,
loife?-Philadelphia Press.
"Oh, well. my dear" observed he to
his wife. you will find that there are
a great many worse men in the world
than I am" How can you be SO
cynical, Jchn?" replied his wife re-
proachfully.-Syracuse Herald.
Silas-So Zeke won't have anything
but first-class literature? Cyrus-No.
Why, he wouldn't even subscribe to a
magazine because he saw Entered az
second.class matter" on the front
page"
Superintendent Is our usual Gus
tom to let prisoner work at the same
trade in here as he did outside. Now
what Is your trade? Shoemaker
blacksmith or - "Please, sir, l was
a travelling salesman"
Constance am going out in Algy's
launch. Penelope-But naphtha launch
es are very dangerous. Constance
know it. But Algy gave me the choice
Of either going out with him on his
naphtha launch or his sailboat.
Il see a crank out West announces
his invention of 'theater hat for la
dies that will shut up when the cur
tain rises" IF he'd only invent O
box party that would do that he'd de-
serve Observation-Disclosures Press.
Here's a letter from Mirandy at col.
lege. She says she's in love with Ping
Pong" "She is. hey? Well. she'd bet
ter give him up. We amt goin' tel
stand fer no Chinaman marrying inter
this y."-Woman's Home Com
panion.
Mr.. Skinner-You'll have to wait a
while for your wages this week.
can't pay you to-day. Clerk-See here
now, that won't do, sir. I've got to
live, you know. Mr.. Skinner-Non-
sense! What put that idea into your
head.-Chicago Tribune.
Lady Ito furniture clerk)-1 like the
Louis XIV. and the Louis XVI. designs
equally we'll. 1t wouldn't do, sup
pose, to have both chairs in the par
lor? Clerk-Oh. yes, madam; they
would harmonic well-only two years
difference. you see.-Judge.
Teacher Ito class in geography
And who knows what the people who
live in Turkey are called? Glass (unan-
imously)-Turks! Teacher-Right Now,
who can tell me what those living in
Austria are called. Little Boy-Please,
mum, l know. Observation-Disclosures.
Hasty Harry-W'at youse fishin'
here widout any bait for? Don't youse
know dat fish won't eat bare hook ?
Strenuous Stove (scornfully)-W'at!
Don't youse see dat if de fish don't
bite ! amt got to go to de trouble O.
takin' 'em off'n d. hook. Where's yez
Professional instinct?
"Oh, maw," said the 1O-year-old
hopeful. do you see how wet my
clothes are?" "Yes, young man."
spoke mamma. sternly. "and you have
been in swimming" mo. maw."
"Then how did you get wet?" "Why,
some boys wanted me to go in SWIM
ming, and l ran away so fast l per-
spired."
Young man." said the Irish magis-
trate. as youthful prisoner was
brought before him. II would advise
you to make a full confession If you
want to get off with light sentence"
"And If l don't confess, then what?"
asked the young man. "Oh, in that
event." replied the magistrate. Il shall
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