davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05
THIEVES

CHANGING up shortly afterwards at the
rack where he had put his overcoat. he
gave a jump that marty upset The table.
"Jee-ru-sa-lem!" he bawled out. 81 must
git on to that perry quick" He made a
dash 10 the cashiers desk.
Say" he exclaimed. between his pant
ings for breath, Il hung my overcoat on
one OF those hooks over there. and it's been
taken by some one. The proprietor Of this
places got to foot the bin FOR that gar
ment. See
Whom do you slspect?' asked the CASH
Ter. in a cold-bloodcd, matter-of-fact way.
well. ] think I'd know the fellow II I
saw him again. There were a lot Of coats
on that rack. and he said to me. az he got
up from Tho table. Excuse me. please.
while 1 git that coat He was nice and
g~entleman-Iike abou- II. and I stopped over
and let him pass In and out all right"
well. he got tte GOAT all right, too,
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05
Like His Mother Used to Nal

like His Mother Used to Make.
IT was born in Indiany." says a stranger
iank and slim.
As US fellows IN the restaurant was KIND
O. guyin' him..
And Uncle AXE was slidir' him another
pun'kin pie
And an extra cup O. coffee. with a twinkle
In his eye
IT was born in dlany-more' forty years
ago,
And / hain't been back in twenty-and I'm
workin' back'ards slow:
But I've ct In every restaurant twixt here
and Santa Fee,
And ] want to state this coffee tastes like
gittin' home TO mel
Pour us out another, daddy" says the
Teller. warmth up;
A epeakin' crost a saucerful. as uncle took
his cup
"When | seed your sign out yonder," he
went on to Uncle Jake
Come in and get some coffee like your
mother used to make
I thought of my old mother and the Posey
County farm.
And me a little kid a'gin a hangin' on her
arm.
As she set the pot a-bilin'-broke the eggs
an poured 'em in
And the Teller kind O. halted, with a trimbls
in his chin.
And Uncle Jake he fetched the fellers
coffee back. and stood
AS solmen fer a minute. as an undertaken
would:
Then he sort o. turned an tip-toed lords
the kitchen door, and next
Here comes his old wife out will him q
rubin of her specs
And she rushes for the stranger. and ehe
hollers out, It's him!
Thank God. we've met him comm! Don't
you know your mother, Jim"'
And the Teller. as he grabbed her. says:
you bet. l amt forgot
But, wipin' of his eyes, says he, Your
coffee's mighty hot"'
lanes Whitcomb Riley.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05
The New Yankee Doodle.

Twas Yankee Doodle went to war
To fight the British Lion.
With fintlock rife in his hand,
And hemp his horn to tie on.
The boasting Hessians laughed TO scorn.
Though bought with English Doodle,
To find at Concord, Lexington,
The grit of Yankee Doodle.
Chorus.
This Yankee Doodle kept It up
With gun and powder handy.
And made the redcoats dance the step
To Yankee Doodle Dandy.
The Lion sprang upon his prey,
At Bunker Hill and Trenton.
And furious bristled name II tail,
Twas frightful how he, went on.
Said Yankee Doodle, Better CRY
Your pesky takin' on go;
I'll punt saltpeter in your eye,
And give your tail a twist. Or
At Princeton, too, and Bennington,
At Fort Tconderoga,
The bloody Hessians bit the dust,
And next at Saratoga
For Yankee Doodle picked his flint,
And fired such tarnal powder,
The critter lost the 'tother eye,
And growled with rage the louder.
At Eutaw Springs he clipped his tail.
To Yorktown then pursued him,
From start to finish whipped him out.
Politely hacked and hewed him.
So sneaking back TO Tory land,
As sullen as {. clam. sir.
With Yankee Doodle did lie down.
The Lion and the Lamb. sir.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05

foul or fair, there is no need to say In
shallah.'"
Hardly had he spoken when a loud and
steady pounding OF the gate burst 1t In. ana
a squad of the city's policemen entered the
courtyard. Omitting the usual courtly So
laam. they seized him roughly and dragged
the wretchsd man off TO jail. where he soon
learned that he had fallen under the severe
dlspleasure Of the Grand NiZ!er and that
he was imprisoned for no less a crime than
high treason.
After 4 days confinement he obtained an
audience with the keeper Of the prison and
succeeded IN making good his escape by Of
feriug that worthy a bride OF a thousand
ssivsr mciids. the STANDARD coin of the
Turks. Being for once thoroughly vice
awake and IN his senses. the Hojah remem-
bcrcd his good wife's reproof. and when she
cried from one of the Iatticed windows.
WHO kuocks"' at his tap. NJ answered
cautiously:
'InshaIlah. Ben i'm" God willing, It IS
myself.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05

vertisement in the Senate yesterday when
Mr.. Hoar said that no other periodical on
the face of the earth contained 90 much
valuable material for political history. He
wanted the Record to be more largely cir
culated among schools and libraries.
Il do not believe was Senator Hale's
answering comment, that the people are
hungering and thirsting for the Record.
Il did not say anything about hunger
and thirst" Interrupted Mr.. Hoar. The
Senator" he added. with a smile, knows
the meaning OF the word thirst"
Il do promptly confessed Mr.. Hale. Il
have illustrated it many times in the COM
pany OF the Senator from Massachusetts"
MIR. Hoar Joined in the hearty %aughter
which followed Mr.. Hale's remark.-Wash-
ington Post.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05
Woes of the BOY.


What's the good of grown-up people!
Seems TO me they're In the way.
We'd rave lots more fun without them.
That's what all us fellows say.
Fathers. mothers. sisters, brothers.
They're an awful rummy crew.
And the chap as tries to please them
Comes to grief before he's through.
Now. my dad. he told me lately
Not to let him see ME smoke.
Said that If / did he'd teach me
Not to copy grown-up folk.
Well. l thought he'd never see me
If smoked behind the shed;
But he found me out. and awful
Were the things he did and said!
Then the mater Though a srown-up.
Very often she's a brick
Wants me always to he honest.
Tell TIE truth and tell it quick.
Uncle John dropped in one evening.
Talked a lot of silly rot:
Asked me WAS ! glad to see lin.
Told the truth-but wished I'd not!
There's my sister. had n bracelet
On her birthday from her beau:
Twenty pearls" he said. ARE in it
one for every year. you know
I said: Better make 1t thirty"
Thought she'd like the extra pearls.l
Crikey. but l caught it later!
There's no gratitude in girls.
AS for brothers and relations.
They don't treat n fellow fair:
Always sending one on errands.
Or to wash or brush ones hair.
Some folks say that boys are bothers-
I think that's a great mistake;
Seems to me, for causing trouble,
Grown-up people take the cake!
-Ttt-RitA
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05

Larry O'Brien's life Of Lord Russell of
Killowen makes breezy reading. Here is
a characteristic anecdote describing the
great lrishman's brusque manner on &C.
casions:
How do you do. Sir Charles7 I think I
had the honor Of meeting you with Lord
-"
What do you want?'
well. Sir Charles. 1 have endeavorei to
state in my letter."
Yes. l have your letter, and you write
a very s~lovenly hand"
The fact is. Sir Charles, I wrote that
letter in a hurry in your waiting-room."
Not at all. not at all. You had plenty Of
time to write a legible note. No; you are
careless. Go on"
We'll. Sir Charles. a vacancy has occurred
in"
And you are very untidy in your appear
ance."
We'll. I was travelling all night. I only
Nonsense; you had plenty OF time to
make yourself tidy. No; you are naturally
careless about your appearance. Go on
We'll, Sir Charles. this vacancy has oc-
CURED in"
And you are very fat"
well. Sir Charles. that Il hereditary. I
am afraid. My father was very fat"
Not at all. / knew your father well. He
wasn't fat. It's laziness."
Nevertheless, the visitor got the Job he
came to seek.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05
"Tute..- Distinction.

"Tute' is an old negro well known. ac-
cording to the Philadelphia Ledger. to
many of the attaches of the City Hall. for
whom he does odd jobs at their homes.
One day Tute asked one of his employers
If he would kindly read a note for him.
The request was granted. The note proved
10 be a perfectly legible request for Tute's
services as a and cleaner of
cellars.
why. Tute," said the man. this is very
plainly written and you ought to be able
to read it yourself. l have frequently seen
you reading the papers,
We'll, that's just it," replied Tute. Il
kin read readin' readin'. but l amt read
Nritin' readin."
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05

Senator Tillman called a pai>S to him the
other day and asked him the name of Il
new Senator who was sitting on the Re-
publican side of the chamber. The page,
being one of this seasons appointees, was
not only ignorant of the new Senator's
name. but did not even know Tillman. In
his dilemma he went to Journal Clerk Mac
donald.
Who Is the man with one eyer he
asked. referring to Mr.. Inns
''Cyclops," replied Macdonald. without
looking up from his book and thinking OF
the gentleman who figures in ancient
mythology.
The boy rushed back to Tillman. Now.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05
He Meant the Bird.

A man once received as a present from
a sea captain a fine specimen OF the bird
known as the Laughing Jackass.'
AS he was carrying it home he met a
brawny Irish navy, who stopped him:
''Phwat kind of burrd is that. sorr?"
asked the man.
That's a laughing jackass." explained
the owner, genially.
The Irishman, thinking he was being
made fun Of, was equal to the occasion,
and responded, with a twinkle of the eye:
Its not yerself-it's the burrd l name.
sorr.'-Spare Moments.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05
Broke Him of borrowing.

People VINO are continually borrowing
household utensils and neglect to return
them are annoying neighbors. The problem
of how to cure them of the habit was
solved In an effective. though somewhat
costly. way by one i~ong -sutrerirg house
holder.
A new man had moved into the neigh5or-
hood. One of the first things he did. after
getting his goods into the house, was to
borrow a stepladder from his next-door
neiGhbor. Mr.. Smith. he needed It put
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05

The Hobby Horse said.
As lie shook his head:
It's . long way 10 go
DER the white SHOWS foam
To the Little BOYS home:
But hear the tin horns blow.
And must race away Till I'm out O breath
To the Little Boy who viii ride me to
DEATH
And the Toy Drum said:
I've a hardened head,
And away on my sticks I'll go.
From this icy dome
To the Little Boys home,
] can beat my way through the snowi
Away. Away, TIL I'm out of breath.
To the Little Boy who vii! beat me to
death!'
And the Toy Doh said:
AS her gold crowned head
Shone over the wintry snowi
ITO the Little Girls
OF the golden curls
In a fairy coach I'll go:
Far. far away, till I'm out O. breath,
To the Little Girl who will kiss me to
DEATH
But the Elephant said:
IF that way I'm led,
And they treat you all SO bad,
l tell you. now.
That there'Il be a row.
And they'll wish they never had.
For I'll pack them all in my trunk, you
And lock IT. and throw away the key
Atlanta Constitution.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05
no CAUSE FOR ACTION.

A fat man. g~ood-natured looking and ap-
p%arentlv well-to-do. STROBE into a downtown
restaurant a day or two ago. Although the
weather outside was not warm. and the
restaurant was not overheated. he was
perspiring.
Divesting himself of his tip coat. which
was a heavy one. he at once set. 10 work TO
reSale the inner man.
Just as he had begun the attack upon his
dessert he saw Il card on the table which
attracted his attention He examined II
closely and laughed. There was a similar
card on all the tables. 1t read as follows:
BEWARE OF
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05
A Query,

II the farmer who tills
Makes his living by tillage,
Does the doctor who pills
Make his living by pillage?
Philadelphia Record.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05
which h. asked you to let him get. did her

| which he asked you to let him get. did her
| oueried the heartless cashier.
That's what he did. but 1 didn't know
| he was goin' TO take my coat
.Rut YOU allowed him to. all the same.
That warning card you've got In your hand
says If you allow any one else 10 wax
| off with your o~vercoat the proprietor Is not
responsible. You're out Of court, my friend
The fat man was not blind TO the fact
that he had actually helped another MAJ 20
walk off, with his overcoat. He ponoetsA
for awhile. and said:
Yer right, squire. but. Say. 1t was
| per.y slick bit of bizness. don't you THINK
500"
The cashier. beaming with q broad smile.
| said he thought so, too.-New York Times
Joe Jefferson, Our Joe.
Joe Jefferson, our Joe Jen.
When first we knew your form
You travelled round the country.
And took the barns by storm;
It's hearts that now you hold. Jeh-
You took them long ago:
Gods blessing on your kindly phiz,
Joe Jefferson. our joe
Joe Jefferson. our own Joe,
We've followed you around,
Ard though a trife old now
We yet in front are found,
And still beyond this stage. Jeh.
Well follow where you 60,
And greet you when the curtains raised
Joe Jefferson. our joe
-rharle, Henry Webb In With Lead and
Line.
Spanish Proverbs.
Never quit certainty for hope
Losers are always in the wrong.
The book Of maybes II very broad
Who robs a scholar robs the public.
Better to 20 about than fall into the
ditch.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05

Senator Cyclops." he said trtumphantly. "1
will go and find out the other Senator's
name."-Washington Post.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05
BEWARE OF

- 49,
The Proprietor Is not Responsible II {.
: YOU allow some one to walk off with {:
your bysrcOaT. {:
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05
A Lament of the Country.

Give back, u city. from thy clutch
My children to my breast.
That. ravished. aches to feel their touch,
And lull their pain to rest!
Ny dugs are full. while harki they cry
For food. but cry in vain
o vampire Of the glittering lie,
Give back mine own againI
My fields are golden seas Of grain
1 bore for them to reap:
My bounty swells some gamblers gain
Who needs not while they weep.
My children render to my arms.
Thou wanton draped in red,
That Unrest the quick with deadly charms,
And sendest me but the dead.
Give back the children whom 1 nursed
And brought to mans estate,
Until they heard thy voice accurst
Thou cursed one of fate!
Mine age is lonely. and my breast
Yearns for my faithless sons.
That / may lull their pain to rest,
My poor deluded ones.
William Wallace Whitelock.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-01-05
ting up his window shades" and would re

ting up his window shades" and would re-
turn it shortly"
Next he borrowed a tack hammer. to use
I'm putting down his carpets.
Then he wanted a Ratchet, a screwdriver
and a gimlet. all of which things Mr..
Smith. being an accommodating man. al
lowed him to take.
Several days passed, and none of the Dor
rowed articles had been returned.
I'll cure him." said Mr.. Smith.
About a week later the new neiEhSor
came back with the screwdriver. n apol-
ogized for having kept It SO long.
That's all right" said Mr.. Smith. with a
genial smile: but you had better keep It
now. I have bought another"
With n muttered apology the new neigh
Dor hurried back and returned with the
gtmlet. tho Ratchet and the tack ham
mer.
you are welcome to those" caid Mr..
Smith. cordially. Il have bought some 9th
ers and don't need them"
But"
That's all right. You keep them. They'll
come handy about the house."
Again he hurried away, and was return
II: with the stepladder. when Mr.. Smith.
who was Just going out, met him..
why. bless me- he said. you needn't
bring that ladder back: 1 have got a new
one, so L shall not need it."
The new n%eighbor kept the things. but no
never borrowed anything more Of Mr..
Smith.-Youth's Companion.
The evening times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1902, 1902-03-11

this really is. My former husband"
tells the straight story. but somehow
IT does not sound right IT is too
matter-of-faet and IA says either too
much OF not enough.
And if this is a difficulty. what
shall be called the complications
which ensue when a person has been
divorced more than once? How is a
woman to designate the first. sec
oud, and present matrimonial part
ncrs whom she may chance TO have
taken? Or suppose she was a widow
when she married the second time.
or suppose the second husband died
when the first was still living? Then
would the former husband and the
late husband get into q dreadful tan
gle IN her conversation with ac-
quaintances.
This Is question which demands
no ordinary intellect for its solution.
1t would be too much for Noah Web
ster if NE were alive; but ii may be
commended with confidence and
earnest interest to the attention of
Mr. Alfred Ayres.
The evening times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1902, 1902-03-11

the way for the tremendous operations Of
the present day in the manufacture OF
iron and steel. and when the extent Of
the iron deposits in Alabama was re-
vealed, Mr.. Hewitt was among the first
TO realize the commercial advantage OF
manufacturing steel close 10 the mines in
country that furnished likewise the
coal ard the limestone, the three staple
substances used in the process Of manu-
facture being so placed by nature that
they could be brought together without
large cost for transportation.
Cooper Union is as much monument
20 Mr.. Hewitt's genius as to the munifl-
ceacc OF Peter Cooper, for II was the
son-in-law Of the philanthropist who or
ganized the institution and set its many
benefcent agencies in operation. and he
has carefully guided its work for two
score years
Busy as he was. Mr.. Hewitt found time
20 take an active part in politics, and he
served IN Congress from 1874 10 1886. and
was mayor OF New York city In 1887 and
1883, achieving distinction In the latter
Office by his sturdy insistence upon hon
esty and integrity in public Office He
became a conspicuous national figure in
1876, as chairman o. the Democratic Ma
tlonal Committee during the memorable
Tilden-Hayes campaign.
The evening times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1902, 1902-03-11

life stood him IN good stead, and when
Dr. Robarts. the Partisan physician. gave
the aged ironmaster subcutaneous inJec-
lions OF the gylcerO-phosphate Of sodium
he quickly responded to the treatment.
and returned 70 his manifold activities
IN New York quite rejuvenated.
Since then he has seldom been absent
from important meetings Of the Cham
Der OF Commerce. and it IS noticeable
that when he rises 20 speak in the body
most representative Of the city's bust
ness Interests there is profound silence
and obvious respect. The imperious men
OF affairs, confident in the power of their
millions. sit almost humbIe-it is a pic
ture Of the genii Of commerce at the feet
Of a prophet Of its world.
No voice that IS raised in that cham
Der commands the unfeigned respect that
is accorded TO the sometimes weak and
tremulOus tones in which the aged iron
manufacturer utters words Of counsel.
Seldom Il Is that he does not command
the assent or the chamber 10 his views.
In the fourscOre years that he is round
ing out-Mr. Hewitt was born on July 81
l6Z2-he has been tremendously active
With Peter Cooper. his father-in-iaw. he
did much. half n century ago. 20 blaze
The evening times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1902, 1902-03-11

10 the laboratory. only to catch a glimpse
OF the youngster as he went downstairs.
Following in hot pursuit. the doctor ar
rived at the street just as his nephew
was half a block away.
III, there, you young rascal What's
the natter Come back here shouted
the doctor breathlessly.
With fresh burst Of speed. the youth
yelled as he turned his head
Not on your life! know you. even
II you have got your clothes on"
Nov the original story" went on the
Senator, while CO or two OF the listeners
began 20 look reminiscent. was told on
Senator Ingalls,. He was left alone in the
Office Of a physician friend Of his one day.
and little newsboy stuck his head in
the door lie didn't see the Senator. but
he did see the skeleton, and peIted down
the stairs as II he thought il was after
him Meanwhile Ingalls, had stuck his
head out OF the window and was shout
ing al the boy 70 come back. for he want
ed paper. The boy gave one glance and
ran harder than ever. excIaiming:
You can't get me, old Bones, know
you. II you have got your clothes on
You know there really wasn't much
Of ingalls, except a framework. But wasn't
it pity TO dig up a good story and man
gle il like that finished the Senator re-
gretfully.
The evening times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1902, 1902-03-11
A GOOD STORY SPOILED

"a story's life is apt 70 last in proper
tion TO its usefulness said d member Of
the Senate yesterday as he pulled nedi-
tatively at a particularly good cigar.
'but somebody spoiled an awfuIIy good
story at banquet the other night"
How was tha,?" asked an interested
listener.
well. 7 wasn't there. but the newsaa-
pers had it that the story was told on a
well-knOwn physician" and he fshed a
clipping out Of his notebook. It read in
this wise.
Recently the doctors nephew. a green
country lad, came into town on a visit
One OF the sights was the doctors Iabo-
Tatory. In a closet was a weII-preserved
skeleton, nicely articulated and hanging
from a hook.
The doctor left HIS nephew in the
room for few minutes Meantime. the
youngster bent upon seeing all that was
10 be seen, Prowied about the laboratory.
Finally he came 10 the closet door. and
wondering what was inside. opened it,.
At sight Of the skeleton the lad yelled
slammed the door shut. and ran from the
room shrieking at the top Of his voice.
He sped down the stairs. four steps at a
time. dashed through the door and started
on mad run down the street, stuI yell
ing
Hearing the noise the doctor rushed
The evening times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1902, 1902-03-11
b<TdyOT Hewitt an Important Metropolitan Figure

n NE HAS to attend an important
meeting OF the Metropolitan
- Chamber Of Commerce to under
stand the unique position which
sx-Mayor Abram s. Hewitt occupies in
New York There gather at these meet
ings men OF vast power in the CONNER
eial world-merchants. ma ufacturers.
bankers, Dublcists-Ecn Of might and OF
millions. The group Of halt a hundred
or possibly fOurscore real captains Of in
dustry IS impressive. One feels in
stinctiyely that they are fair representa-
uVes Of the men who control the CONNER
ciai operations OF the American metro
polls and whose genius gives to New
York much Of its greatness
Among these there IS one little old
man who by common consent occupies a
seat Of honor at the right Of the presi-
dent OF the chamber. lie bears well the
weight Of eighty years. during which he
has done more than one mans share Of
the work OF ereeGEg Americas great
commercial fabric. There Is no keener
eye among all the alert men who sit be-
lev him on the floor Of the chamber and
no head that IS clearer. IL Is FIVE years
since the iEhrmities OF age overlook him.
but his simple and rational manner Of