The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-05-31


Goodness, how that railroad stock
does fuctuate." Yes. it's wise rail-
road stock that knows its own par.
Philadelphia Press.
Mr. westside-Is Briggs still paying
attention to your sister? Eastside-
Naw-they've been married this two
mont's.-Brooklyn Life.
Popularity: do you think he would
be a success in politics." Yes, in
deed Why. he has thoroughly master
ed the knack of looking interested when
he is being bored. Post.
Elderly Lady-Aren't you ashamed TO
be seen smoking cigarettes. little boy :
Little Boy-Sure am; but wots a fell
Ter TO do when he amt got de price of
observation-disclosures Record.
Teacher-Now. Ethel. who wrote the
'Elegy in a Country Churchyard? ?"
Ethel-Please ma'am. il was Willie
Sniff. L seen him going in. the church
yard at recess. ma'am--Chicago Daily
News.
First Boy (contemptuously) - Huh,
Your mother takes in washin'. Second
Boy-O' course; you didn't s'pose she'd
leave il hangin' out overnight unless
your father was in prison, did ye?-Tit-
Bits.
At the Concert: F'oSdick-whv do
you applaud such a long and weari-
some sonata? Keedick-Iye been sit
ting 50 long that all my limbs have
gone to sleep. I wish to restore the
Observation-Disclosures.
Grandpa" said iittleN girl. II saw
something this morning running across
the kitchen floor without any legs.
What do you think it WASP What
was it?" Water" said the youngster
triumphantly.-St. Louis Post-DiSpatch.
A Slight misunderstanding: Land
LADY, hope you slept well. sir? New
Boarder-No. / didn't. I've been trou-
bled with insomnia. Landlady-Look
here young man. I'll give you a SOW
bed.-Punch.
Coming Out of a Wonen's Club: THE
difference between my husbands club
and mine," said the pretty woman in
the turquoise coIored toque, looking at
her watch. lis that mine lasts from
two until six. and his lasts from six
until two'-Life.
Hard Work: First Lawyer-How did
you come out in settling up old Got
rox's estate? Second Lawyer-It was
a hard struggle First Lawyef-No!
Second I.awyer-Yes. ! had hard work
tn keep the heirs from getting part of
The Pension Poet: Bighead - The
new Commissioner of Pensions should
suit the pension grabhers. Gayboy-
Why so? Bishead-They have always
wanted a man of imagination who
could see their imaginary claims, and
now the President has appointed a
poet.-Town Topics.
In the Near Future: The Cook
Dim sorry, mum. but the walkin' dill
gate av tn Supreme Ordher av Cooks
how ordered me L throw up me job.
Mrs. Subbub (tearfully)-Oh. Norah,
What have 1 done? The Cook-Naw-
thin, mum: but yer foolish husbind got
shaved in a union barber shop tn
day before yisterday.-BrookIyn Life.
ton. when you give a Georgia darkey a
"chaw' of tobacco, you're a cap'n; give
him a quarter. you become a colonel;
paralyze him with a dollar, and you're
a general for life; throw in an old suit
Of clothes and two stiff drains of
corn liquor. and he raises all his chill I.
dren to call you governor"
y certaio literary critic in quest of
expert opinions wherewith to build a
lordly symposium. sent out broadcast a
set of queries of which one was: rs /,
the prospect that the sale of books will |
be larger or smaller this year than
last year," From prominent New
York publisher he got this brief and
golden opinion: THE prospect is that /
the good books will sell better. and the i
bad ones worse
Victor Hugo had a very exalted opin-
ion of himself. one of his intimates
called on him once and found him
walking in his garden. apparently
deeply. The visitor asked the
great French poet what he was medi-
tating upon. Il was wondering" re-
piled the poet. what L should say to
the Creator when 1 meet him. Can
YOU imagine what 1 would say?"
Yes" answered the poets friend: you
would say. My dear confrere.'
School teachers get some curious
written excuses for absence Here is
me: Mister sir. my Jason had to be
ate today. 1t is his bizness to mill; our
'ow. She kicked Jase in the back to-
lay when he wasn't looking or think
ng Of her actin so: he thot his back
vas broke. but it amt. But ii is black
md blue and the pane kept him late.
Ne would get rid of that COW if we
ould. This is the fourth time she kick
ID Jase. but never kicked him late be-
ore. So excuse him for me-"
When william f. Chandler was Sec a
etary OF the Navy. he issued an order $
hat officers should not permit their 7
wives to reside at the foreign stations |
o which their husbands were attached o
he order was promptly reScinded uDOn '