The Topeka state journal., 1902-03-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Papa, what is the eastern question ?,'
I How much have you got?"
Wigg-What beautiful nose she has.
Wagg-Yes; that's her scenter of at
traction Philadelphia Record.
He-He thinks her complexion is gem
she-oh, well. love is sometimes color
blind.-Judge.
"wht is the origin of Cinderella?''
1T is a legend of Chicago" school
master.
There is always room at the top of the
ladder of fame, and plenty at the bot
tom for your enemies to tilt it-AtIanta
Constitution
Bighead-Remarkable man, that
Jones'
Gayboy-In what way?
He has failed in so many ways, that
from the point of view of having expert
ence, his life is a success."-Life.
why don't you start literary scci-
visitor.
"Kaze we've got all the eddication we
wants, was the reply. I'VE knows that
rope is three cents foot fer folks that
won't leave when they're told to, an
that twice two is ten when the niggers
air votin' ag'in good guver' er'mint!'-At-
lanta Constitution.
''Is Bighed still engaged in the eter-
nal, everlasting elevation of the stage??''
Well he thinks it can be done grad
ually and by slow degrees. At present
ment for the elevation of the COON
song.'-Judge.
Fweddy (slightly near-sighted)- )-Who
avis that vewy stylish and fine
looking man at the other end of the
room, Mrs Greeable
Hostess-You are looking at your own
reflection in the mirror Mr.. Lightpayte.
F'weddy-Aw-you hattah me, Mrs.
Greeable.
Hostess-No; the mirror does that
Minneapolis Tribune.
Mrs. Mulligan-And so you have no
mother now?
Motherless Boy-No, mum.
Mrs. M.-Well, me boy whenever you
feel the want of a good thrashing, come
to me and I'll be mother to you.-Tit-
Bits.
''One of our troubles at the club" said
Augustus, has been to make the
waitahs distinguishable fwom the mem
bahs at our evening weceptions. But
We've solved it at 1awst."
$50 l see,'' remarked Archie. you've
got intelligent-looking waitahs. '-Ex-
change.
You understand, of course. that my
daughter has been reared in the lap of
luxury?''
why. she told me last night that
sir, that 1 may be able to make such
provisions to keep her from pining for
the lap you mention .''-Chicago Record
Herald.
"a little quarrel now and then helps
a loYe affair."
Yes, the lover leaves off buying roses.
and gets a chance to catch up with the
tailor'S bill.'-Tit-BitS.
do you ever have any quarreIs in
your womanS club?''
"oh, no; we cali them debates -
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Does your husband worry about the
grocery bill?" asked the nagged- looking
lady.
Law, no." said the lady with the new
silk skirt and the patent leather shoes.
I'VE let the grocer do all that."-Ex-
change.
They were both friends, of course.
DO you think" asked he, that she
is as old as she looks?"
'She tries not to look it, replied she,
80 she must be-"
Feminine perspicacity transends mas
culine observation-disclosures News
If charity were not expected to cover
a multitude of sins there would be very
little of it.-Chicago Record Herald.
'I hope 1 shall get few comic val
entines' said Miss Cayenne.
You hope to get some comic valen-
tines?''
Yes. every one you get is a sure sign
that you have made some enemy feel
perfectly wretched. d."-Washington Star.
''I suppose you hope to make a very
cultivated young man of your boy,
Josh?"
Yes" answered Farmer Corntossel.
Were cultivatin him the best can.
Every now and then mother and ms
gives him a rakin' over. ashington
Star.
'Phwin dooz th' mkt thrain lave?"
asked O'Hoolihan of Lacey as they en-
tered the railway station together.
Faith" replied Lacey. glancing at
the clock, its leftr'-Ohio State Jour
nal.
Miss Calling inspecting Mrs. Neu-
ritch's art gallery)-And are all these
really your ancestors?
Mrs Neuritch (haughtily)-Surei If
you don't believe it I'll show you the
painters bill, receipted.-Catholic Stan
dard.
II am glad to hear that your patient
has gotten WELL" said one young physi-
clan.
..Yes." answered the other. 'I thought
for little while it was going to be one
of the prettiest cases of appendicitis
that ever happened But prompt and
careful treatment brought him around,
and missed chance for a fine oper-
alton. didn't know it was possible for
a man to feel so glad and so disap-
pointed, both at once. Washington
Star.
Jasper--Mrs. Rocksby seems to have
married happily.
Jumpuppe-Yes, but that is because
she is so clever. She has made her
home so cIub-like that her husband
never leaves it.-Judge.
A Georgia correspondent sends the
following epitaph on a deceased real
estate agent:
Joshua Jones'
His sins forgiven,
Left earth and owns