Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1902-11-08

Some persons may think this vast,
Of energy. but any man with colleg'
cducaticr can correct this error of ig'
rOrance.
Our next lesson will be on the quar-.
ter back, whose life is even more siren
uous than that of the half.
LESSON vI.-THE QUARTER BACK
The quarter back must be born a dis
turber and a hater of peace. 1t Is ne
VINO starts everything in a footbai
game. He must be the accessory be
fore the fact in every case of homicide
or mayhem. The quarter back usually
is the smallest man on the team, and
he must be fast. If hi Is not ne will be
a corpse.
In the game the quarter crawls In I'M
der the centre rush, speaks sentence
that sounds as an Egyptian obeiisb
looks. gets the ball from the centre
and passes it to the runner. AS he does
this four opponents, aggregating S3'
pounds, light on him from various
directions. Meantime other masto-
dons with cheated shoes tread on him
When he is able to sit up and notice
things again he repeats the perform
ance.
When the team is beaten 81 to 0 the
ten other players, all outweighing the
quarter back, sit around and tell how
they would have won if the quarter
had not mixed up the signals.
Our next lesson will deal with the
most important functionary in the
game-the cheer master.
Use Cementine for replacing ears and
eyes.-Adv.
LESSON V1I.-THE CHEERMASTER
The cheermaster is the fellow who
causes the old grads to look at each
other and say, Were we ever like
that?' In appearance the cheernaster
resembles the front of a box at the
horse show. AS to the hair, he must
look like an Anarchist deprived of
beer.
The uninitiated may recognize the
cheermaster at a glance. He is the
chap that helps the captain peel off his
sweater, pats him on the shoulder, and
says. For the love of dear old alma
mater, do your best" This. regardless
of the fact that that captain has for
gotten his two hunks and three condi-
tions, and is thinking only how he can
gouge the eyehall out of the man who
Jumped on his stomach the season be
fore.
After he has encouraged the team the
checrmaster takes his stand on the
trent rail of the grand stand, armed
with flag tied to a cane. He then
gives an imitation of a Plymouth Rock
rooster tapping its wings, and as his
arms move up and down the kankakee
chorus in the seats in front of him
yelps. This is repeated until the hu-
man beings move away from the fresh
men.
Meantime the rival cheermaster has
been conducting rival asylum. The
cheermaster is supposed to make his
bug-house orchestra drown out the
other. This is difficult when the score
is 0 to IS, and most of the members of
the chorus are wondering whether the
governor will stand for another touch
to replace the IS bet lost. The cheer
master who can keep the noise going
under these circumstances deserves
better than to hear the remarks that
are made about him by nOncOlleSians
as they arc leaving the grounds.
After game the cheermaster is al
lowed to rub down the half back and
carry the tackles grip. The rest of the
night he must steady himself against
the bar and try, in horse voice. to
explain to twenty-nine bowling derv-
ishes of the opposition how his team
really was the better, but had tough
luck.
LESSON VIU.-THE SUBSTITUTE.
One of the most important person.
a ges IN focthall is the substitute. lie
must sit IN the mud on the side lines,
wrapped in Il red blanket that makes
him ana his fellows look like the
squaws at Il meat issue. Every time
his team gains four yards he must leap
into the air, do medicine dance, and
wave his blanket. This rule applies
only to the substitute who has never
made the first team. If the substitute
has played on the team and been dis
placed he must call attention to how
much better he could have done it.
When the team is winning all the
has to do is to cheer. When
the score Is " 10 ~ ne SitS dTouuu leei-
ing like the man in the death cell who
hears the scaffold building. 1t is a
strange thing that the substitute al
ways gets his opportunity when the
team is being massacred.
Being q substitute entities man to
be pounded up every afternoon for
three months in order To give the first
team Il little practice. 1t also entities
n man to eat raw meat and stale bread,
with TWO teaspoonfuls of ale once a
week, when he gets overturned. The
reward is that, after being a substi-
tute three years, ne is allowed to wear
a 20" on his sweater.--Chicago Tribune.
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