The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1902-05-15
GOOD
Short Stories

Mark Twain tells story OF man
who received a telegram telling MN
that his mother-in-law had died, anu
asking: "Shall yse embalm, bury, OF
cremate herT Twain says he wired
back: YES, and If these fail, try DIS
section"
Frederic yilllers, the well-known war
artist and correspondent, declares ne
saw the following sign In prominent
hotel In an Australian town where wa
ter was scarce: please don't use soap
when washing, as the water Is required
for tea"
Peter Cunningham was telling one
evening where he had been dining ana
what he got We had thing | never
saw before-a soup made of calves
tails" Extremes meet" was the re
mark of Douglas Jerrold, at that time
the prince of wits In England.
Douglas Jerrold. the English wit. was
once sitting with George Henry Lewis
and a poet named Heraud. who was
something of a bore and a good deal
laughed at Lewes asked Jerrold:
"Haye you ever seen Heraud's Descent
Into HellY" "No; but should like to-
tersely replied the wit.
An actor named Wright. who was
once impersonating the First Grave
digger in Hamlet" prepared to take
the house by storm by incaslng his per-
son within dozen or more walstcoats
of all sorts of shapes and patterns.
When about TO commence the opera
ton of digging the grave for the "fair
Ophelia," Wright began to unwind py
taking off waisteoast after waistcoat,
which caused uproarious laughter
among the audience. But as fast as
he relieved himself of one walstcoat,
Paul Bedford, who was playing the
Second Graye-dlgger incased himself
In the cast-off vests. which Increased
the salvos of laughter, for as Wright
was getting thinner Paul grew fatter
and fatter. Wright. 1t Is said, seeing
himself outdone, kept on the remainder
Oh the WdSlcOdtS, anu hSAN 80 49,.
part quite crestfallen.
As young man, Paul Kruger was
regarded as an authority on psalm
singing. and the farmers used to come
to him to learn the keynote for start
ing the psalms at the next Sunday $
service. Kruger, even in those days,
was no believer in the policy of giving
anything away-not even n note OF
music-so he had uniform charge OF
a double handful of dried peaches for
his instruction. Even the fact that the
work was In the service of religion
did not deter him from resortlng to
strategy. for he made point of giving
each applicant different note. The
result when the plous Doppers at
tempted to raise their voices In sacred
harmony next Sunday may be imagin-
ed. The result was that each man con
cluded he had lost the key, and had TO
return for further lesson. Il nearly
bankrupted them of their dried
peaches" said the President.
A certain tOngTessinan VIM h"u IA
structed his butler TO say to all I'M
desirable callers that he was In the
bath and could not be seen, was re-
Gently visited by constituent with
grievance to exploit. He called every
day at the house. but no matter at
what hour he presented himself he was
invariably Informed that the Congress
man was bathing II must see him.
he finally said one day to the servant;
my business Is most important; Ill
wait until he is through with his bath"
"Da's no use" replied the negro but
Ter; gentleman done waited fob hours
de udder day, he WANT through den.Y
whereupon the disappointed constituent
is said to have written this upon his
card: You may succeed, II you per-
severe. In getting your body clean one
of these days; but If you should spend
the rest of your life in bath-tub II
would not purify your conscience or
your political record"