The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-19


With manners perfect quite;
No one was ever more urbane,
Or could be more polite.
To hear him murmur, THANK you,
Sir!'
Was really quite treat;
To see him bow with Unborn grace,
Was happiness complete.
But tho a man must be polite,
Some time he's sure to slip
From grace, and once cruel fate
Made even this one trip.
For one day a sweet girl said eyes"
(How strange are Cupid's pranks!)
And then he lost her once for all
Because he murmured, "Thanks!"
John, l am afraid l shall have to
ask your assistance for little while
this morning" These are the words
that come very timidly from the lips
of the good house wife this week.
Its chilly and the children will latch
cold if we don't get our stove up in
the front room"
You know what's coming, so your
first step is to put on a very old and
ragged coat to keep your linen clean.
You go out to the woodshed, move
two barrels and four boxes, cart
and an old chair, a roll of carpet and
innumerable other things and there's
the stove. You Immediately get your
hand inside the place where the pipe
ought to go, out comes your hand
and you carefully make a black mark
down the side of your nose, remem-
Der you can't possibly MAKE any
Roadway until after this mark is
made. Having your face properly
marked, you are ready to begin the
ceremony.
Then the head of the family grasps
one side of the bottom of the stove
and your wife and the hired girl
take hold of the other side. In this
way the procession is started from
the woodshed to the parlor. Going
through the door, the head of the
family will carefully swing his side
of the stove around and jam his
thumb against the door post (you
must never omit thiS). You deposit
the stove in it's place on the zinc,
and the next thing is to find the legs.
Two of them were left inside the
stove and it takes just twenty-five
minutes by the chronological indica-
tor to find the other two, and they
are usually discovered under the
wood pile. Then the head of the
family holds up one side of the stove
while his wife puts two of the legs
in place, then he holds up the other
side while the other two are fixed
and one of the first falls out, and bv
the time the four legs are properly
adjusted he gets reckless and of
comes his old coat regardless of his
linen. In getting out the pipe from
der in his eye, and he's mad now. 1t
don't make any difference how well
the pipe was put up last year, it's
either a little too short or too long
and so away the head of the family
goes to the tin shop, with pipe I'm
der each arm, to have it fixed. Wher
he returns he steps up on one OF the
best parlor chairs to see If the pipe
under the legs out comes the chin
fits. His wife reminds him in a gen
thot ~ of RI
buy new furniture, would he pleas
be careful not to scratch the chat
with the nails in his heels. In get
ting down he steps on the cat, an
he may thank his lucky stars tina
it wasn't the baby. He gets an oil
chair and climbs up to the Gimme
again, to find that in cutting the pip
off the end has been left too big TO
the hole in the chimney, and so h
goes to the woodshed and splits on
side of the pipe and squeezes it wit
his hands to make it smaller. Fina
1y he gets the pipe in shape and find
it doesn't stand true. Then he an
his wife and the maid move tn
stove to the left-the legs fall out
the next move is to the right-mor
trouble with the legs-it's moved
the front, the elbow is not even wit
the hole in the chimney, so away b
goes to the woodshed for some litt1
blocks, and while putting the block
ney. By this time great beads {
perspiration are standing on h
brow. You wonder why you didn
stay as you were when you wei
born-single. You didn't used t
have to put up stoves.
To the great alarm of your bett'
half the elbow keeps tipping ov'
and you get the dining table on
place the old chair on it, get yo1
wife to steady the chair, while yC
drive some nails in the ceiling to ia
the wires that you are going
straighten the elbow with. "