Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1902-01-08


dade an OF called thin everything OF
cud think Of, but they won't git up
Brooklyn Life.
Wlgg-The average run Of people
have very little sympathy for each 9TH
err. Wagg-Nonsense! Haven't you
ever noticed how folks cry at we'd
ding?
81 wonder II this bridge pays?" said
Lord Lennox, in approaching Vauxhall
bridge. go over IT," said Hook. the
punster, land you'll be tolled."-Youth's
Companion.
Mrs. Porkchops-Bah! They're mere
parvenus. Mr.. Porkchops- Er--got their
money since we did? Mrs. Porkchops-
Why, yes; they've just struck oil In
Texas.-Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Younglin (golng eut)-John, do
you suppose you can lieaf the baby
from where you are II lie wakes up and
cries? John (who is reading the news
paper)-I dunno; hope not
An Editorial Encounter: Nubbs-He
went into the editors office like roar.
ing lion and came out like n postage
stamp. Bubbs-How was that? Nubbs
-Licked.-Detroit Free Press.
A Costly Feed: I'VE had feast for
a king at our clearinghouse yesterday.
1t included all the choicest delicacies Of
the season." "What were they:" Hash
and succtotash." Plain
Dealer.
How 1t looked: Wifc-Iye gotten so
that don't care II you are not at home
more. have resources of my own.
Husband-You don't mean to say that
you have learnedto quarrel with your
self?-Life.
Kitty-rhat young chup, Charlie Os-
good. has fallen in love with chorus
girl. Jane Well. there's nothing
strange about that. Young boys always
fall in love with girls old enough TO be
their mothers.
"You seem to be much interested In
me, my little girl. What is it?" II
don't see how your face can be SO
smooth and clear; papa says you have
Travelled all over the country OH IT,
Boston Transcript.
A Tri1e Mixed: Tess-What Is alb.
sinthe, do you know? Jess-Oh! I
think it's one of those fake love po-
tions. read in book one time that
"abslntlie makes the heart grow fond
r"-PhiladelphIa Press.
Tell me-" he sighed, tell me, beautl-
full maiden. what is in your hearth
Miss Henrietta Bean, of Boston, gave
him look of icy dlsdain. and then
vouchsafed the monosyllable reply:
BLOOD. "-Baltimore American.
Some colored folks naturally blue:
Miss Johnson-Mclindy Jackson says
she has blue blood IN her veins! Miss
Snohaike-Wcll, she orter hab! De fe-
male side OBJ her house has been han
ding washing blue for ten generations
Exchange.
For arts sake: "Griselda," said tue
s visiting relative you ought not to try
to sing when you are shaking with the
chills." II haven't got the chills. aun-
tle," replied the church-cholr soprano;
~ am practicng on my tremolo. '-Chi-
cago Tribune.
"Did you ever try any of these health
foods?" the sympathetic friend asked
Of the dyspeptic lady. yes" she re-
piled. land I'm not going to eat any
more of them" why notY Because
they spoil my appetite. "-,Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Before the bout: SIS Mickey In con-
dition?" Hes as fine MS silk. All.
Mickey's great boy. He's got some
thing up his sleeve that'll astonish all
thin other buffers" "Whnt-is 1t. Mis-
ter Doolan?" Its his ar-r-m. "-Cleye-
land Plain Dealer.
First Teamster-Well. ! see, Moike,
we've declared stroke at the Selby
works. Second Teamstcr-Naw! Is
that so? And why? First Teamster-
Well, you see, 1t was this way: That
fellow Winters. who made the big haul.
wasn't member of the union.
How he did 1t: Moscs-How did you
make your fortune? Levi-By horse
racing. Moses-Not betting? Levi
No, l started a pawnshop just outside
the race-course for the people who
wanted to get home when the races
were over.-Philadelphia Press.
Providing himself with business:
"You run your automobile very fast
through the Streets" said the friend to
the doctor. YES" replied the man of
pills and bills; I'm always in hurry
to get there; and, besides, when times
are little dull, can pick up n few
cases on the way."-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Mans secret power: I'm all my
life," she said, with sigh. 81 have
seen only one man that would care
to marry" Ibid he look like me?" he
carelessly asked. Then she flung her.
self into his arms. and wanted to know
what secret power men possess that en-.
ables them to tell when they are loved.
Record Herald.
Hard to tell: II see your names In
the papers good deal" commented
the old friend; 81 suppose you're really
in society now" MY wife thinks we
are" replied the man who had become
suddenly rich, "but sometimes | have
my doubts" "How 500" well, when
there's a swell charity entertainment
to be given, with boxes quoted at two
and three hundred dollars or more. the
evidence seems to indicate that we are
very much in society; but when some
exclusive private function takes place
there seems to be nothing but what
you might call negative evidence. l
think possibly 1t might be correct to
say that our money is in society. but
we are not."--Chicago Post.
Unexpected Erudition.
An absent-minded professor of Ian
guages dropped into a restaurant one
day for luncheon.
Mill ln. n..i..