The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-02-22
.HUMOR OF THE DAP.


How write the singers of today?
Alas and@still alasl
Three sonnets for the house-rent,
A love-song for the gasl
No rest for all the weary
No gentle kind relief;
An ode to pay the coal man
A ballad for the beef
Atlanta Constitution.
-'Well, what are you sneering about?
You don't seem to have much faith in
my good resolutions"
Il was just wondering if you had
taken the paving contract for the next
world Life.
Teacher-Suppose an Irresistible force
should meet an inmovable body, what
would happen?
Little Girl-Please, sir, ma says 1
mustn't talk about our family affairs
Puck.
Bear-Say, old man, you are looking
rather played out this morning, what's
the trouble?
Walrus-I guess you'd look played out
if you'd walked the ice all night with a
oothache.-Brooklyn Life.
Most that a girl says are dares.
"a mans a man for a that'-unless
a woman MISUNDERSTANDING
do you think 1 ought to attempt to
reply to those charges ?'' asked the can
didate for office.
.'Well, that depends on circumstances"
answered the politician. IF they are
false, you certainly ought to reply, but
if there is anything of truth in them. of
course it would be beneath your dignity
to notice them. Post.
Hewitt-That street car conductor
ought to go into bankruptcy.
Jewitt-What for?
Hewitt-He can't pay the company
over so cents on a dollar.-Judge-
''what have you ever done to deserve
the office to which you aspire?' asked
the voter.
frankly IF 1 had ever done anything
to thoroughly qualify me for so import
ant a position, L could probably make
a great deal more money as a private
citizen. Washington Star.
"Ah." sighed the poor widow. mo
other man can ever fill poor Johns
place. I loved him from the bottom of
| my heart
"Of course rejoined the sympathetic
friend, but you know there is always
room at the top."-Chicago News.
Berty-What would you think, dear,
if should say you were a harp of a
thousand strings?
Gerty-I should think that you were
a lyre.-Tit-BitS.
Alpha-Let's see, the married men all
have better halves, don't they?
Omega-Yes.
Alpha-Then what do the bachelors
have?
Omega-Better auartersi-Tit-Bits.
"Of hear that Denny was blown up
and killed by the blast yesterday.
KILLED? Then it wor circumstantial
evidence-they haven't found him yit.
Brooklyn Life.
"Has your wife finished her Christ
mas Shopping?''
Yes. She expects now to be able to
put in all the rest of her time looking
| at things she might have bought for
| less money if she had only known it. -
Chicago Record-Herald.
Clerical Customer (arousing himself
| from nap in BARRIERS chair)-Ali
Barber-Yes, sir; quite some time aSo.
Clerical ustomer-Indeed! Then l
must have been asleep.
Barber-You surely have, sir.
Clerical Customer-It was certainly
very kind of you not to awaken me; the
! rest has done me good, and 1 am very
| thankful to you for what was really u
| very refreshing sleep.
Barber-Don't mention it, sir. 1t S
only a fair return; L attended service
| at your church last Sunday.-Boston
| Courier.
| Stranger (traveling through Illinois,
| Springfield is your state capital, 1 be-
| lieve It's pretty dead town, isn't it?
| could ever live through the governors it
has had if it wasn't live place, let ne
| tell you.-Chicago Tribune.
said the barber.
Yes said the bailiff Hes working
| for the traction company"
Il thought it was for the telephone
company"
No. the traction company is what
| they call the street car company"
What do they call the telephone
| company"
! The distraction company, 1 guess
| Chicago News.
"I say, is this here the novel you ad-
vised me to read?" said the cabman to
| the librarian.
Yes replied the librarian. That's
| the one
! Well said the cabman, you can
| just take it back. There's nine people
| in the first four chapters who hired
cabs, and each of 'em when he got out
! flung his purse to the driver Now,
when I want that sort of literature Til
| go to Jules Verne and get it pure!''-
! Tit-Bits.
| A very small girl out on the East
side was given her first plate of ra.v
| oysters at supper the other night. She
| swallowed one and then pushed the
| plate away from her with an expression
| of disgust.
What's the matter, Katy?" asked
her mother. Don't you like your
| oysters?"
No. me don't" answered Katy with
a grimace. Him was too fresh -
Memphis Scimitar.
Mrs. Carrie Nations assertion that
| she is not going to marry any man in
| Iowa has been confirmed emphatically
! by every Iowa man heard frona.-Chi-
| cago Tribune.
Ruggles-What are you doing for a
| living these days?
Grimshaw-Dodging trolley cars
| Chicago Tribune.