The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1902-10-10
STORIES OF READY WIT,
hls'orlc Retnrta Made in tho Court Room
and at Banqusts.
(Rochester Post Express. }

The retort is of all verbal coins the
quickest to get into circulation and
the readiest 10 pass from one hand
to another. Perhaps of all coins it
is also the Oldest. In our English
tongue we have legends of the re-.
partee of king and courtier for we'll
nigh Thousand years. The pun,
which is often upeoies of retort,
goes as far back as our language. To
play on words, often in very per-
sonal manner, is the simplest form of
retort. Old Thomas Fuller made a
witty as we'll as a true epitaph for
himself when he bade them write on
his tombstone two words only, "Ful
| ler's Earth" But Fuller himself got
caught sometimes. The name, "Spur-
rowhawk," in which one of his
friends rejoiced, WAS too tempting to
the habitual punster, and 80 he
asked the unfortunate man who was
| afflicted with it what was the differ
encc between sparrowhawk and an
owl. The answer which he got was:
Gan owl is fuller in the head, and
fuller in the face, and fuller all over"
which WAS probably more fuller than
Fuller bargained for
Dunning, the famous wit and
lawyer, was badgering a witness on
one occasion, and persisted in asking
him if he did not live "in the verge
Of the court" He was probably a
poor debtor, who in the then condi-
con of the English law did this to
avoid his creditors. The witness was
forced to admit that he did. "And,
pray, sir" said Dunning, "for what
reason did you take up your resi-.
denoe in that placer" "To avoid the
rascally impertinenoe of dunning,"
answered the witness.
The perplexities of our English
tongue gave chance for fusillade
of retorts in western court.
The judge was fond of iudulging
himself occasionally in joke at the
expense of Counsellor B., a practis-
ing lawyer in the same court, with
whom he WAS very intimate, and for
whom he had high regard. On q
certain occasion when pleading a
case at the bar Mr.. 5. observed that
he would conclude his remarks on
the following day unless the court
would consent to "set" late enough
for him to finish them that evening.
"Sit, sir" said the Judge, not set,
hens set" II stand corrected, sir"
said the counsellor, bowling. Not
long after, while giving an opinion
the Judge remarked that under such
and such circumstances, an action
would not clay" "Lie, may it please
your Honor" says the counsellor,
"not lay; hens lay"
One of the keenest of journalists
and wits, Moritz Goteip Saphir, had
the better of tho irate stranger
against whom he ran by accident, at
the corner of street in Munich.
"Beast," cried the offended person,
without waiting for an apology.
"Thank you," said the journalist,
"and mine is Saphir."
The battle of words ia as exhilarat
ing as it is harmless when the com.
batants keep alike their brightness
and their temper. In the remlnis-
cences Of Sir Darlington Beaumont
he describes dinner party at
Horace Walpole's. Charles james
Fox was one Of the guests, and at
the last moment Charles Sslwyn, the
readlest of wits, whose strange weak.
ness was attending executions,
strolled in, evidently in the best of
spirit.
"George looks as cheerful as
though he had just come from an
execution" remarked Horace Wal.
pole; and Fox said, smilingly:
"a namesake Of mine was to be
hanged at Tyburn today. Isuppose
you we're in at the death, Selwynp"
mo, my FRIEND" said Selwyn.
IL make point of never frequenting
rehearsals." This turned the smile
against Fox.
A retort which hit as hard as this
was made upon would be poet at