The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1902-03-23

Then I've obeyed my father, I cannot
take it by force" she said lovingly.
NO" he answered. ut is mine.
will keep it. If l am buried with it ms
heart will beat again at it's touch
lie looked at it now with infinite long
i ing. and kissed it.
At one o'clock he went to bed and
tried to sleep. He tossed for an hour
His brain was on fire. and his magma
ton lit with its splendor. He could sweep
the world with his vision in the silence
and the darkness. Yes, the world that
| is, and that which was. and is to come!
He arose, lit his lamp and dressed
himself. 1t was half past two o'clock
| He knew this was to be the first night
in all his life when he could not sleep.
He was shocked and sobered by the tre-
mendous import of such an event in the
development of his character. He had
never been swept off his feet before. He
knew now that before the sun rose he
| would fight the powers and princes oil
| the air for the mastery of life
He left his room and walked out on
the road to the springs, over which he
had gone so many times in childhood.
The moon was obscured by fleeting
|
| of autumn in it's breath He walked
slowly past the darkened silent houses
and felt his brain begin to cool in the
| sweet air.
The last note he had received from
| her weeks ago was the brief one an
| nouncing the new break in the poor little
| correspondence she had promised him.
| The last paragraph of that note now
! took on a sinister meaning. He recalled
| it word by word:
| Il feel like l. cannot trife with you
| in this way again. 1t is humiliating to
me and TO you l can see no light in our
| future. release you from any tie l may
| have imposed on your life. 1 feel l have
| fallen short of what you deserve, but l
| am so situated between my mothers
| failing health and my fathers will, and
my love for them both, l cannot help it.
| l will love you always, but you are free"
Was not this after all a kindly and
final breaking of their pledge to one an
other? Yet she had not returned the lit
tie medal he had given her with that
exchange of eternal love and faith. Could
she keep this and really mean to break
with him finally? He could not believe it.
His whole life had been dominated by
this dream of an ideal love. For it he
had denied himself the indulgences that
his college mates and young associates
had taken as a matter of course. He
had never touched wine. He had never
smoked. He had never learned the diff
ference between a queen and a jack in
cards. He had never fiirted with women.
He had given his body and soul to the
service of his ideal and bent every en-
ergy to the development of his mind that
he might grasp with more power it's
sweetness and beauty when realized.
Did it pay? The flesh was shrieking this
question now into the face of the spirit.
He had met the one woman his soul
had desired above all others. There
could be no mistake about that. And
now she was failing him when he had
laid at her feet his whole life. 1t made
him sick to recall how utter had been
his surrender.
Why should he longer deny the flesh.
when the souls dream failed the test of
pain and struggle?
Was it possible that he had been a
fool and was missing the full expression
of life, which is both flesh and spirit?
Am 1 not a narrow minded fool. in
stead of a wise man. to throttle my i'm
pulses and deny the flesh for an imagi-
nary gain?" he asked himself aloud.
She had written he was free.
We'll, by the eternal, l will be free!"
he exclaimed. Il will sweep the whole
gamut of human passion and human
emotion. l will drink life to the deepest
dregs of its red wine. l will taste. feel,
see, touch. hear ALL l will not be
cheated l will know for myself what it
is to live"
When he woke TO the consciousness of
time and place, he found he was seated
at the Sulphur Spring where it gushed
from the foot of the hill, and that the
eastern horizon was grey with the dawn.
sense of found power welled up
in him. He had regained control of him
self.
Good I will no longer be a mOping,
love-sick fool. 1 am a man. To will is to
live, to cease to will is to die! l nave
regained my will live,"
He walked rapidly back to town with
vigorous step. His mind was clear.
81 will never write her another line
until she writes to me. 1 will not be a
dog and whine at any rich mans door or
any woman's feet. The world is large,
it's temples and compel it's applause. l
will be sought as we'll as seek. Besides,
my country needs me- If l am to give
myself it will be for larger ends than for
the smiles of one woman"
And then for two weeks he entered de-
liberately on a series of designations. He
left Hambright and sought convivial
friends on the seacoast. He amazed
them by asking to be taught cards. He
made the acquaintance of the art of
gambling and played cards for money
fcr forty-eight hours without sleep. The
players only paused for lunches, which
they ate while playing.
At last from sheer physical exhaustion
he stopped.
Boys, that is the most thrilling ex-
citement l ever tasted" he said soberly
as he rose from the table.
He swept the gumut of all the senses
without reserve, day after day, and night
after night.
At the end of two weeks he found him
self haunting the postoffice oftener, with
a vague sense of impending calamity or
joy, he could not tell which
THE things all over, tell you!" ne
said to himself again and again. And