The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1902-02-14


Couldn't have to go to bed
Est 'ould have to play.
Couldn't be no winter EN-
Summer all tn year;
! An gamma COULDN'T get so old
Never'd leave US here
Wisht Fey wuzn't emmy clocks;
Don't what re for.
Ell little girls like me w'uz asst,
'Ey 'ouldn't be more.
Detroit Free Press
Not the Prevailing Style.
SHOW do you do, uncle?" said the affa-
bic reporter. 81 thought would drop
In on the occasion of your one hundredth
birthday anniversary and smoke friend
ly pipe with you"
why" hesitatingly responded the
venerable man, Il know it is dreadfully
unconventional for centenarian, but the
truth is. young man. | have never learn
ed to smoke
Then silence reigned for the next five
minutes, broken only by the occasional
sound of the reporter gasping for breath.
Chicago Tribune.
He Sized EN- Up.
A Georgia boys composition on 'The
Lawmakers Of Our Country" reads as
follows:
"A1y pa is lawmaker. Ma makes the
laws at home. an pa makes em when she
gives him a holiday. Pa has been in the
legislature two times, an he'll go there
again if the voters don't git in their right
mind fore he comes home. He gen'rully
comes home on Christmas when we have
something to eat We expect him this
Christmas. "-Atlanta Constitution.
In Society.
''Glad to you," empty smile,
In society;
Weapons sharpened all the while,
In society;
All to make little show;
Bubbles rising from below
Shocking! Some ones wife, you know,
In society.
Giddy heads and weary eyes
In society;
Careless laughter, stifed signs,
In society;
Dreamy strains and dancing feet;
Birds and bottles, drink and eat;
SANDERS scars on all you meet,
In society.
lineage Times Herald.
Experience as Teacher.
II understand you are an athlete" re-
marked the landlady to the new boarder
Yes, ma'am," proudly answered the
n. b. II am the champion high jumper
from Jumpersville."
"That being the case" said the land
lady, II will have to ask you to pay your
board in advance. I've had all the ex-
perience with jumpers l care for."-Chi-
cago News.
Important Family News.
Miss Galliniper called to see
Old Madam Crocodile.
She happened to be taking tea
In very gorgeous style.
Said she: I'm glad you happened in;
I've got the sweetest news.
Just now sold my husbands skin
To make Of Shoes
New York Herald.
Gallantry.
He looked into her beautiful orbs dove
~ girls never have eyes) and said: "Dar-
ling, l love you better than life. There
is nothing in this world l would not do
for you, nothing would not refrain from
doing for your sake" Then he reached
over and grabbed the big, corner biscuit,
leaving the little crustless one for the
idol of his heart.-Boston Transcript.
Success In Life.
Ribbon counter girl. Her weekly wage,
Three plunks;
Married wealthy of middle age
Old Hunks.
i Jewels now I1non her NOV hua aaau
In chunks,
And she takes when travelling nineteen
Big trunks.
Chicago Tribune.
Saving Space.
Miss Slimdiet-Heres an ADVERTISE
ment of "a literary man. who wants
board. Does he say he's literary man
to show he's person Of refinement and
culture?
Mrs. Slimdiet-No; it's to show that he
cant pay much.-New York Weekly,
Too Modest by Half.
Said he, pretty miss,
Pray give me kiss;
It's tor one, only one. that a,e.''
She lifted her eyes
And exclaimed in surprise,
why, the other chaps always want twotss
Chicago NeWl
A Dearth Of Genius.
''There doesn't seem to be nearly 10
much fine poetry written as there once
was" said the young woman.
NO." answered the young man, mot
since all those big bicycle manufacturers
quit advertising. Washington Star.
Mixed.
''Oh, what tangled web Ne weave
When hrDt ~ practice 70 deceivet''
And ere We get expert, peshap4
Our memories begin to lspss.
Indianapolis Journal.
An Extreme Case.
Your wife says you have insomnia,
NJ. Hobbs."
I; "Yes, indeed. l can't even feel sIsepy
when We have callers IN the evening.
Chicago Plain Dealer.
INSIGHT.
7hs mind Peades haS - se1askabls hssi,:
HIS not giftsd Win wisdom galoeA
H newly believes things Win happ0 49,