The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1902-01-08
ALL KINDS OF
FROM THE FIRST WARD.

/ Elwood Metz visited his friends
and relatives in Wilmington, Del,
Christmas week.
Samuel Trauger, of Trenton,
visited his relatives here last Satur-
day.
Thomas kearns visited relatives
and friends in Perth Amboy, during
the holidays.
Our many friends, no doubt, are
anxious to know our condition, which
is of rather serious nature. We are
still under the doctors hands and are
sorry to say, are getting no relief.
The disease is peculiar one and in
terferes with the locomotion. 1t is
Just such a case as the faith curist
likes to reach from distance, or
rather the ''absent treatment" pro-
lessor. Their method of treatment is
very simple, and the man who takes a
course of it is also simple. They
throw out big advertisements as in
ducements fofthe poor dupes to bite
at. OF course, man afflicted natur-
ally wants to get cured and will spare
no expense with this end in view.
Nov these cure.all professors are
fully aware of this, and their Turing
advertisements have the desired effect.
Perhaps We should not give the thing
away, but for humanitys sake we will
do so, Select treatment room where
you may be alone. Close the blinds
and draw the shades to make the room
as dark as possible. Lie down on the
bed and be sure to dismiss all care and
worry from your mind. Relax al
your muscles, close your eyes, and
concentrate your mind on the thought
that you will get relief from each par
ticular distressing symptom. Deter
mine to put yourself in unison with us
in an effort to cure you. Upon aris-
ing, keep the eyes closed, and as soon
rs you are on your feet, take a long,
deep breath; fill the lungs entirely
full, then exhale it through the mouth
as quickly as you can. Do this four
times. This is the Vitaopathic treat
ment Rather hard to pronounce, but
the price is five dollars, just the same
Now there IS another cure advertised
to considerable extent. This am moi
posted upon, and If any of the readers
Of this article are we'll informed upon
it, | would be thankful for the infor
nation. 1t is called the Monro,
Doctrine. 1t is highly recommended
and whole nations have yielded to it
influence. And such being the fact,
haven't the least doubt bnt that
might derive especial benefit from
few doses. In fact / think it woul
have a better effect than the so-calle
Vitaopathic treatment.
Are you sti keeping the New Year
resolutions? They are easy to max
but hard to keep. Remember there
no cement that will repair broke
promises.
The human mind is slow, sluggisl
sleepy, slothful, languid, obstinat
dull, dormant, calloused, torpit
: lazy, suspicious, preiudiced and col
fined within a mighty thick skull
wallowed around in barbarism an
paganism for thousands of years, an
has scarcely got both feet out of thi
condition rs we go to press. Peopl
who calm that we have got out o
paganism and animalism and barbar
ism can't put their finger on the exac
date when we crossed the line ant
stepped ont into the broad daylight Of
| civilization. Light of civilization
Better call it the tallow dip of tor.
! tnrons experience, or the moonlight oil
exploded theories The world was
5000 years learning how to make a
successful almanic, and by that time
tie people became too shrewd to even
beleVo. the weather predictions. 1t
alsapt the same length of time for the
peSFe to discover that the world
Wanat fiat, md that witchcraft was n
hqmbug, and thousands and thousands
atthfs,yery day believe in the old flat
World theory and tie their hair up
with waxed thread to keep off the
witches. Even n portion of those who
lfye discarded the theory of the
world being fiat. are fiat in hundred
other respects, perhaps more.