Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1902-02-08
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May-Wn nat became OF tnat OH uathc
Of yours? Pamela-Papa put him out.
"1Ic Is man of marked individual.
IT," Yes; he's one of the worst cranks
I know
"YOur fiancce Is very reserved
girl" said bunker to Spatts. "She Is. v
replied Spatts. "Shc is reserved for
me-"
But lie doesn't seem to know much
about the topics of the day" WELL
no wonder. lie got all his education
In night school,"
Doctor-To take the rest cure will
cost you 500 q week. Henpeck-why
doctor. I can send my wife away to the
country for half that.-Judgc.
Mrs. Muggins--At any rate. Mrs
Stuckup never talks about her neigh
bors. Mrs. Ruggins--Of course not
She's always too busy talking about
herself.
Jackson-i hear your baby was kid.
mapped. Currie--Ycs. The kidnappers
have offered us five thousand dollars II
we will take him back. but we are hold.
ing out for morc.-Lifc.
IF my memory were only little
worse than 1t is" said Mr.. Suburbs.
1t would be plcasantcr. Now. every
time take u car | remember that
have forgotten Observation-Disclosures.
lis News.
Gucst--You say this is the smallest
room you have. How much Is 1t! Sum-
mer Hotel Proprlctor-Seven dollars a
day. Gucst--And when | am through
with 1t may take 1t home with me US
u souvenir?
Doctor-l shall have to charge you u
hundred dollars-thut Is. of course. IL
cure you. Paticnt-But In case you
don't cure me? Doctor-Oh. well--in
that case suppose your estate will be-
good for it.
Chappic-ld Just like to know what
you mean by being engaged to both
Cholly and me ut once. Miss Plnkie-
Why, bless me! there Is no harm done;
you cant either of you afford to marry
me. you know.
Alis;rcss-Now. Bridget. there Is one
thing must insist upon. II YOU break
anything. l want you to come and tell
me ut once. Brldgct-Surc. ma'am. |
cont be runnin' TO ye every minute OF
the day.--BrOolilyn Life.
"Yis; Mikes OH shtrikc. IT'S wan
nv thin sympathetic shtrlkes. where
tho.. vr,nn, t,ivo ,vit, nthor min thnt' u
shtrikin'." AN so yc have to take In
washin'T' "Yis; | have to sympat!zc
wit the hildher!'-Puck.
Askit-Why does Written, the great
author. wear such look of constant
fear! Tcllit-lIc wrote the class song
when lie graduated, and his enemies
are constantly threatening to make 1t
public. Baltimore American.
Old Lady ton ocean stcamcry-Mercy
me. Is this all ono ship? Travelled
Granddaughtcr-Why. yes. grandma.
and We haven't walked n quarter the
length of it yet. Old I.udy-Gracious!
How near shall we be to the land when
we get 10 the other end.
\ lady was looking for her husband
and inquired anXiously for u house.
maid. DO you happen to know any.
thing of your masters whereabOuts!'
I'm not sure. num-" replied the care.
full domestic; but I think they're In
the wash."-The Pathfinder.
Mrs. Hauskcep-l don't know much
about the new girl. but she's good-na.
turcd ana harmless, ut any rate. Mr..
Hauskccp-How did you find that out
Mrs. Hauskeep-l notice that she sings
ut her work. Mr.. Hauskcep-IIuh!
That's no sign; a mosquito does that.
Willie" said his father as he pro.
cccdcd with the laying on OF hands, Il
am sorry to have to do thls-it hurts
me more than 1t does yOu." Well"
returned the precOciOus yOungstcr, re.
signcdly. II never did believe In these
here sympathetic strikes anyhow. They
always do more harm than good"
Mrs. Cobwiggcr-Why did you eXpcl
her from the WOmen's Club? Mrs. Dor.
cas-She made motion that instead
Of engaging u professor OF Hindoo pull
osOphy We should hire some ono to
teach us how to step on 3 car, how to
sharpen pencil. aud how to carry an
umbrella In Y crowd.-TOwn Topics.
II notice." SID the novelist. that
the baby Is less troublesome than he
used to he. don't hear him squallinG
80 much when you put him to bed
NO" his wife replied, The isn't amy
trouble ut all now. As soon rs ! get
his clothes or begin reading one OF
your stories to him, and he goes to
sleep right away"
A London barber was just finishing
lathcring u customer, aud was talking
volubly MS usual. YES. sir" he said,
there's no carelessness allowed by Our
employer Every time we cut custo-
mcr's face we are tined siXpence. and
IL we make IN ugly cash 1t costs us u
shilling" Then. picking up and bran
dlshing his razor. he added: But |
don't care rap today, I've just won
u sovereign"
An old lady entered u savings banl;
the other day ana walked up to tn,
desk. DO you want to withdraw %.
deposlt:" asked the clerk. NAV, O
doant. Oi wants to put some in" was
the reply. The clerk pushed up the boo!,
for her signature and said: Sign OH
this line. please" above it or below