The Jennings daily record., 1902-08-12
a Better Man
Than the Judge.

Than the Judge.
THERE always had been division OF
opinion in Three Rivers concerning
Jed Hawkins ever since the time
when ne cast of skirts and became
\ large enough to create diversion.
All of his doings seemed to lie just upon
the border line, halfway between the sub
lime and the ridiculous, and no one quite
knew just which was intended. Jed would
let fall in his clumsy way what would. at
the first thought. seem to be very COM
monplace remark. perhaps little droll
but in no sense brilliant. But 1t would be
a thought that 1t was hard to shake on
and at last, exasperated by its very per-
sistency, one would fall to examining 1t:
and, as it was scrutinized minutely and
without prejudice, he became astonisheo
at the subtle wisdom that 1t contained.
Thus it was when Farmer Wilkinson
lost three of his best cows from lightning
and meeting Jed the following day this
simple-minded fellow sought to condole
with him upon the loss.
.'Tu bad. Mister Wilkinson" said Jed.
"tu bad that the hand O. Providence
should hev topped down on ter you 80.
but l allus notice that lifes a teeter.
mighty unsartin un tu. an person may
pick his way sl3ng as keerfully ez he ken
but he's sure ter stubber-toe sometimes.
This bit Of wisdom passed into history
and became proverbial in Three Rivers
and whenever any one met with mishap
If it were not too serious to admit of Jok-
ing, he was reminded that "du the best
yer can, yer will stubber-toe sometimes.
Grandpa Melville White was one of Jed's
most ardent defenders, and he we'll ex-
pressed the sentiments of Jeds partisans
when he said: Jed amt much ter look
at, but l low that there air somethin' in
him, an Of person could git a corkscrew
down his thrut. an pull out some NV them
words that air allus stickfn' there. they
'ud get new idees enough ter make dc
tionary."
To hear Jed talk was like watching
boy drive flock of sheep through very
narrow stile. With great painstaking ne
would drive his idea up to the Vulnerable
point. and when he was coming on ram
ously. and about to express an idea that
would have staggered Plato himself. the
sheep would break (speaking metaphor
ically) and the idea disappear in every
direction.
Grandpa Armstrong headed the opposi-
ton to Jed, and, as great friends as ne
and Grandpa White were yet the two
old cronies never could agree when JED
was the subject of conversation.
''I tell yer" said Grandpa Armstrong.
who was of very practical turn OF mind.
"there amt as much sense In that felier
as bucket with the bottom knocked out
'ud hold. He amt no more use than
last years bird nest full dirt" And
then he would rehearse the conundrum
episode at the great socable. to illustrate
the point that he had been making.
wal" Grandpa White would calculate.
Jed got the prize, anyhow
'Mebbe he did, mebbe he did replied
Grandpa Armstrong, but 1t war acci-
dent, the wust kind NV accident
But it always seemed to me that JED
fairly earned his conundrum lsurels, Of
which / leave the reader to Judge.
The great sociable had been talked of
in Three Rivers for weeks before it came
off and when it was finally launched 1t
was a very swell affair.
Among other attra ctions. there was a
conundrum contest that had been ar
ranged by the younger people. and one
conundrum in particular was a hard nut
to crack.
"V'hy does the president of the United
States wear red, white and blue sus-
penders?" Every one strained his wits to
the brea king point. but no one could solve
it, and when all of the best heads in the
gathering had given up. Jed's opinion was
asked. He scratched his head aid looked
doubtful. but finally said: Dunno, lessen
mebbe it's ter keep his pants up
There was a roar of laughter at Jed's
guess and all agreed that either inten-
tionally or unintentionaly he had made
guessing he was declared winner of the
prize for having guessed the prize conun-
drum as to the presidents suspenders
astonishment knew no bounds.
Another of Jed's sayings that became
proverbial in Three Rivers grew out of a
mishap to his son Fred, whose name Jed
always pronounced Fwed
This presun,ing youngster who was in
many respects chip of the old block. met
with quite serious accident. the result
of a dental Opcrat ton. The miShap took
the form of blood poison, and it was
finally necessary to remove his palate t0
save his life. This made F'red's speech
even more like his fathers that it had
heen before. and he soon received the
nickname of Young Jed.
The following summer father and son
We're in the bayfield,, and the day Delne
very hot thev went to the spring for a
drink of water but when Fred lay down
upon his belly and attempted to drink In
the manner of country people. ne found
that the loss of his palate prevented
his drawing UP the water in the ordinary
mnnner.
That evening when Jed went to the
Three Rivers grocery store ne related
the incident. to the great amusement or
all present,
You know. last summer Fwed went
down ter WendellvIlle, an he'd some teeth
yanked,' he began, seating himself unon
a barrel of sugar, and crossing his legs
in a comfortable attitude. Wal. that
want the orst NV it: you know poor
Fwed got pizin inter his blood, an he'd
ter hev his palate took out. Wal, he
didn't know nothin' about how it haU
affected him until the other day when
he wuz down in the medder hayin. Golly.
it war awful hot. an Fwed an / went
ter the spring for drink. an the queer
est thing happened. for when poor Fwed
got down ter drink he found that he had
lost his thuck. Goly! warn't that
queer?" roar of laughter followed
Jed's story but as he did not see tho
point and thought 1t a very serious mat
ter, he shambled out of the store with
out another word and drove of home
in as great wrath as his mild nature
was capable Of. But as time passed the
phrase that Jed had unwittinEly let fall
grew in significance and whenever q
citizen of tn" little community seemed
to loose his grip upon business or poll
tics he was at once described by the
village wags as IL person who had lost
his thuCS,"