davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
NoRTHwEsTERn DREAM.

PROFESSOR CLARK of Northwest
4 ern university has been imbibing
knowledge at some muddy fountain. In
an address delivered at Evanston Sun
day be is reported as saying that Ia
boring men should be able to live in
comfort and maintain bank accounts
on wages aggregating $500 a year. It
is difficult TO understand how Professor
Clark arrived at this conclusion. He
surely has not tried the experiment
himself or he would know better.
OF. course it is entirely probable that
a family could exist on the sum named,
but it would be existence. nothing
snore. Such a family would forget the
taste of meat. it would be compelled to
live IN a howell, it could not have any
clothing other than rags. Now this
might suit Professor Clark. but it isn't
calculated TO suit the average Amer
{can tailoring man.
Fortunately. very few Of them. COM
I1aratively speaking, earn so little as
1900 year. Those who are so unfortu-
bate don't have any bank accounts
frhey don't ride to work in automobiles,
md they hardly ever drink champagne
more than three times every day. Seri-
sousIy, though, The Herald would like
very much to see Professor Clark
placed IN a position where he would be
obliged to demonstrate his theory by
Eactual experience. And If he should
be so situated the chances are that the
7end of the experiment would find him
/ d raving anarchist Of the reddest type.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
THE RIGHT SPIRIT.

THE SECRETARY of the interior
L sounds the proper note in his an
nual report when, in speaking of the
irrigation projects proposed under the
national irrigation law, he says that
mo considerations of expediency or
sentiment can be tolerated, but only
those of making the work a success
from a business standpoint" If this
theory is carried out to the letter there
can never be any scandal nor any hint
of jobbery about the disposal of the
irrigation funds.
We of Utah believe we have a prof.
ect which will at once bring about
a vast deal of good. Citizens of other
states believe the first WORK should
be done within the borders of their
commemorative. The rivalry will be
keen, but it should be friendly. It
would be far better to have no irri-
cation works at all than to have a
stain attached to them sucn as has
tainted the rivers and harbors appro-
priations these many years.
The best thing about the irrigation
fund is that it is. to be a self-a acting
ooA u pAOpOSAlAOh- L1ldl Is the A11OIe
successful the work the more money
there will be in the fund. For this
reason the first work must be success.
full. It must be undertaken and car
ried out at some point where the pos
sibility of failure does not exist. Utah
is that point. Lands brought under
irrigation through the proposed Utah
lake reservoir will find an fnnnediatn
and ready sale to the government at
prices that would return the money
with abundant interest.
Thus there would be more money for
use in other states and so. as a snow
ball rolling down a mountain side, the
national fund will grow until every
possible benefit has been derived from
-
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
INTERSTATE COMMERCE Law.

ONE OF THE MOST importan> mat
- ters to which the attention of con-
gress will be directed during the 5es-
zion beginning next week is the inter
Etate commerce law. For long time
the members of the interstate com
merce commission have been complain
Ing that the law by which they are
governed is entirely inadequate. They
have the power to summon railroad
managers and freight shippers before
them. but the power to enforce the de-
crees is almost altogether lacking.
Discrimination in favor of the large
shipper and against the small shipper,
discrimination against one city and In
favor of another city, has been going
on continuously. The commissioners
are we'll aware of the existence of the
evils, but they have had no authority
to put a stop to them. At the COM
ing session a bill is to be presented
which viii remedy the defects in the
present statute
For one thing, it viii be possible, II
the. measure becomes law, to fine the
shipper who accepts rebates or other
favors not specified in the published
tariffs as well as the railroad corpora
ton granting them. This will, it is be-
lieved. have the effect of preventing
favored few from soliciting concessions
from lines with which they do business.
4 The right of appeal to the United States
I courts is specifically granted to the
railroad companies and shippers ac-
/ cused of offenses, but such appeals
I shall not operate to stay or supersede
the order Of the commission until a
naal decree is handed down by the
court of last resort, which, in this in
Il stance, is the supreme court of the
United States.
As an illustration of the abuses which
the interstate commerce commission
seeks to correct, some figures regard
ing the coal industry will be interest
ing. It costs $S.25 to ship a ton Of
.anthraeite coal from the anthracite re-
gion to Boston, from S45 to 3S7 miles.
A ton Of bituminous coal may be
shipped from the bituminous fields,
from 346 to 3Ss miles away, for s1.70.
1t is certainly no harder for a rail-
road company to haul anthracite coal
than to haul the bituminous product
The same kind Of cars are used. the
same amount of steam energy is neces-
sary. Yet, for a distance that is practi-
calIy the same, twice as much is charged
for the one as for the other. The
same discrimination against anthra-
cite is made between the anthracite
fields and other points, but the Bos-
ton figures are sufficient to serve the
purposes of nlustra ton.
And it isn't so hard to account for
the excessive difference. either. The
antbRScite coal fields are controlled by
"a trust that owns the railroads of that
region. In order to make its rail-
roads profitable the trust charges itself
a high figure for hauling the anthra-
cite. and that makes it necessary for
the dealer to charge high prices to the
consumer. In the end. therefore, the
public pays the freight.
The commission is right in insisting
teat II be given the power to compel
a change in such intolerable conditions.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
A Bit of Pirate History.
(Army and Navy JOurnal.)


The Tacon theatre in Havana, one OF
the largest and most famous in the west
ern hemisphere. was built by an old rep
rebate, Marti, who was d notorious pi-
rate in his day and obtained immunity
for himself by betraying his comrades.
one dark and rainy night Marti rushed
by the sentry guarding the apartments
of the captain general. who was writing
at q table. When the governor general
raised his eyes and saw the cioaked fig
ure before him. he reached for the bell.
stop, your excellencyi" cried the
stranger. II am here on desperate en-
terprise 1 have come to deliver into
your hands every pirate on the Cuban
coast upon one conditional pardon for
myself"
you shall have it." was the answer
But who are your
Il am Marti, and I rely upon the prom
Use you have given me-
Preparatory to this interview Maru had
appointed a rendezvous for the different
bands. to which he conducted the span
ish force, and every pirate was captured
and righteously garrOted. As for Marti,
he was not only pardoned, but was given
a monopoly of the sale of fish in Ha-
vana which made him a rich and thus
eminently respected citizen, who ended
his days in the odOr of sanctity.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25

After the Deal Was Consummated He
Rued the Bargain
Detroit Free Press. }

tDetrclT Free PreSS-)
"One OF my first cases." said an
old Detroit lawyer as he smoked his
cigar the other evening, s'bade fair to
be a delicate one to handle. The Wild
ow of a. certain man who had gone
TO war in one Of our state regiments
and been killed in battle, waited a
year and then remarked. Husband No.
was not killed. as reported. but TAX
en- prisoner and held to the end of
the war. He came home 10 find q new
man in his place. but instead OF rails
ing a row he came TO me to see what
could be legally done. ! advised that
husband No. be sent for and con-
ference held. The man promptly ap-
peared, and although he was natural
ly astonished to see the dead alive, I
thought he also appeared greatly re-
heved in his mind.
I amt blaming you, OF course
said No. 10 him. but naturally want
my wife back
: Yes. you certainly do replied
No. 2.
I expect you'll kick and raise a
row ABOUT it, but the lawyer here tells
me-
'Durn the Iawyeri' interrupted No.
2. This is a case for you and me
to settle. and we doF't want no lawyer
in it,
But amt you going to EckT
Not a blamed kick
Won't you want a hundred dollars
or so to get out2'
Lands, no, Look-a-here. Bill, we
all thought you was dead, and I
thought was marrying a sure-enough
wilder. It turns out that you are
alive. 1t turns out that you've come
back. 1t also turns out that If you
will come over and claim your old
woman and take her off my hands
and make her live with you I'll give
you $50 and a yoke Of bridled oxen
cit was settled on that basis.'' con-
tinued the lawyer, and Bill was duly
put in possession of his own. 1 don't
think he was quite satisfied, though
A month after the reunion he dropped
into my Office and said;
Dye know, I think being shut
up in Andersonville made me a fool?'
Why do you think SOP I asked
IF it didn't then I'd have made
Jim Shower pay me at least a thou
sand dollars for unloading the old wo-
man back on me again.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
Rosebery and the Bishops Eat.

IbIUUhIyu IldSIt-J
Harrison Hill. the English entertainer,
is said to be the source of the following
story:
Lord Rosebery on one occasion entered
q store in Picadilly for the purpose of
procuring a new silk hat. A clerk took
his lordship's hat to another room in or
der to compare its shape with that of its
successor, and while he was gone the
then premier stood bareheaded. A bishop
who had come in mistook Lord Rosebery
for one of the attendants, and, handing
him the Episcopal shovel hat, asked
Have you a hat like this2'
Lord RCsebery took the venerable relic,
examined il carefully and, handing it
back to the owner. replied:
NO. I'm thankful to say / haven't, and
IL l had 1 would not wear it,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
HERR KRyPP.

TT IS PERHAPS not too much to say
that the best known man in Ger
many. with the single exception Of
Emperor William, passed out of life
rhen death claimed Herr Krupp. the
zurnaker. Indeed, the name Of Krupp
pas become familiar in countries
where the emDeror'S personality is at
.saet but little heard OF. Toward the
|iose o. bis life Z is said that Herr
|eraDp expressed a desire TO leave
.cffethine 10 his posterity besides a
'es4falion for making life-destroyers.
~ pointed with considerable pride
+ - kfest works for the manufacture
structural steel and TO the fact that
HsHs turned out quantities of ar
|f 6se sha metal for use in shios'
Sstefihefsas. II is as the maker
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
A Financier's Philosophy.
H'rom Letters from a Self-made NJ
1870 = IL =. ., -lleluo N-t

P'rom Letters from a Self-made Mer-
chant to His Son.')
always lay it down as a safe propo-
sition that the fellow who has to break
open the baby bank for car fare toward
the last of the week isn't going to be any
Russell Sage when it comes to trading
with the old mans money.
When / was a young fellow and out of
a place L always made it rule to take
the first job that offered and 10 use il
for bait. You can catch a minnOW with
a worm, and a bass viii take your min
now a good fat bass viii tempt an OF
ter, and then you've got something worth
skinning.
You must learn not to overwork a dol
lar any more than you would "A horse.
Three per cent is a small load for it to
draw Q, a safe one; when ii pulls in 10
Tor you it's likely working out west, and
you've got to watch TO see that Ii doesn't
buck; when it makes 20 you own a blame
good critter or a mighty foolish one. and
you want TO make dead sure which, but
If it draws 100 it's playing the races or
something just hard on horses and
dollars, and the first thing you know you
won't have even carcass to haul to
the glue factory
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
He Stuck Fast.
lNew YORK Times.l

a delegation of young people from the
First Presbyterian church of Brooklyn
led by the assistant minister, went down
one evening to the Floating chapel to hold
religious meeting with the sailors. The
seats of the place had been newly var
nished, and when one of the young men
attempted to rise to speak he discovered
he was stuck fast to his chair. Three
times be tried to free himself, and each
attempt, though more vigorous than the
last, was unsuccessful Pausing for a
moment, as the audience looked at him,
he exclaimed with emphasis:
IF / stick to the Lord as hard as
stick to this chair I'll be all right"
And with these words still sounding in
the air he gave another pull-and freed
himself
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
A Jobs Comforter.
ATLANTA Constitution.)


Il dunno what in de roun WORT make
you so dissatisfied" said Brother Dickey
to an eX-member of his congregation.
You lives in de country. don't your
YES"
DE coal strike don't hut your
"Oh. no."
You gets yo' wood freeY'
Ever Bit
Sheriff don't level on you mo- dan onct
a year?"
Oats all"
wei. den, what you got ter growI
bout? Go home. en- keep warm, en- trust
in providence 'tweii you's ruined over by
a railroad or lynched by yo' friendsi'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
Not Caught by Flattery.
(Washingten Posi-.

Miss said the smooth tramp to the
elderly, plain-lcoking matron at the back
door, is your mother at homer
However, the elderly, plain-Iookfne
woman wasn't flattered or conned by the
smooth tranps complimentary allusion
TO youthful appearance which she knew
perfectly well she didn't possess, and she
didnt invite him into the kitchen arb
spread choice feed for him.
Git out. you lazy hobo,'' she said. and
sicked the dog on him.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
Wanted His Influence.
CNex York Times.l

While Congressman Patrick Henry of
Mississippi was visiting school in Vicks-
burg recently the teacher, after asking
him to make 2 few remarks, told the
children that their visitor bore the name
OF the great orator whose words. Give
me liberty, or give me DEATH" had been
recited so often in the school At the
close of the school session a little bow
came up to the congressman and said:
say mister, II you're the man that
said those words, won't you tell the
teacher she ought not to keep me after
school two hours most every night :,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25

An investigation of conditions in New
York City has developed the astound-
ing fact that there are $4,000 cases of
congenital hip joint disIocation there,
BY the time a few more political cam
paigns have been fought out in New
York the entire city viii be crippled.
The campaign managers should exer-
else the same amount of strength on
both legs
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
Great Mental Strain.
Baltimore American.)


In the halls of the vast institution of
learning they warn us to tread lightly as
we pass the seat of the pallid youth who
is mOOdily composing something upon a
sheet Of pure white paper.
We see his knitted brow; his air of in
tense thought; his every evidence of great
mental struggle.
''Ahs' we whisper, ''is he preparing
some weighty treatise on political econ
Omy, or some thesis which shall show
the nations of the world the proper syS-
tenn of government"
NO" whispers the guide in reply. HE
is getting up the new class yell"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25

While we have been talking about
Pacific cable, Englishmen have gone
ahead and done the work. From Mon
treal comes the announcement that the
Pacific cable to Australia will be
thrown open for business not later
than Dec. s.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25

An aged Kentucky gentleman has
married girl named Miracle. He evil
IDENTIFY doesn't believe in modern Mira
eles, but he ought to. There's the fact
that the girl accepted him, for in
stance.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
f You Look at It That Way.
Chicago Tribune.

He-Your sex IS not to be trusted with
the ballot. madam. Have you read about
that woman out in Denver who was ar
rested for voting two or three times in
one election?
She-Yes. sir. and 1 don't blame her one
bit. IL you had been deprived OF the bal.
lot for more than a hundred Years
wouldn't you try TO make up for it when
you got a CHARGER
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
Fair Warning.
baltimore News.)

IDdILIHIUIt NtWS-J
Sir" said the pleading youth, II have
won your daughters heart"
80" unused the elderly sage; well,
reckon that's all right. But, young man,
don't you let her shove off her liver on
you: it's been supporting one physician
and three patent medicine concerns now
for five years"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25

In response to a suggestion from the
sporting editor. we beg to announce
that the Spalding who is mentioned in
connection with the Chicago arch
bishopric is not the Spalding who is
so prominently connected with base
ball.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25

The oldest inhabitants" who have
been insisting that Utah's climate isn't
what it used to be will be convinced
that Section Director Murdoch of the
weather bureau doesn't know what he
IS talking about when he says there
has been no change.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25

1t was too bad for the police to ar
rest those newsboys who stole musical
instruments for the purpose of organ
izing a band. but think how the sab-
lie would have suffered if that band
had been organized.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
Time Table
In Effect
April |. 1902
E57Isb
S1U.
:. -: = -.
ARRIVE.

ARRIVE.
From Ogden. Portland. Butte.
Chicago, St Louis, Omaha,
Denver and san Francisco. .... SIS a n
From Ogden and intermediate
points :. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS BIO am.
From Cahentes, Milford. Nephi,
Provo and intermediate points. 9:55 am.
From Ogden. Chicago. St Louis
and and San FFsqsiseq $50: 800 pm.
From Garfield Beach. TOOeIe and
From Tintic, Mercur, Nephi,
Provo ana Manu --.---------.--.- $50 p-rn.
From Preston, Logan, Brigham,
Ogden and intermediate points $50 pm.
From Ogden, Butte, Portland,
DEPART.
For Ogden. Cache Valley,
Omaha. Chicago. Denver, Kan
sas City and St Louis 700 a m
Terminus i5-1 49,, -Co1-e anu 7;45 am.
Nephi and Manti ----.-..--.--..- 7:55 an
For Ogden, Butte, Helena, Port
land, San Francisco and inter-
mediate points -.----..--.-----... 9:45 an
For Ogden, Omaha, Chicago,
Denver. Kansas City, St Louis
and san Francisco ....-.-.-...--.12:50 pm.
For Ogden. Denver. Kansas
City, Omaha, St Louis and
For Provo, Nephi, Milford, Cali
entes and intermediate points. 7:05 pm.
For ogden. Butte, Helena, Port
land. San FraciscO and inter-
neuia'9 p0-'- T. n. sCHaUM1CHER.
Act. Traffic Mgr.
D. e BURLEY,
D. S. SPENCER,
A G. P. & T. A
City ticket office. 2a1 Main street. Tele-
phone, go.
*DaiIy except Sundays.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25

Notwithstanding the fact that SEN
ator Kearns has been in the east for
nearly two whole days. we have seen
nothing in the dispatches about his
''.untiring efforts" Somebody had bet
ter get busy. This is merely a friendly
hint
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
Fresh Daily.

philadelphia Press.)
'And do you understand" asked the
Sunday school teacher, why you pray for
your daily bread?"
'Oh. yes" replied little Elsie, that's so
We'll be sure to have it fresh"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
A Brieht Idea.



Waggs-Say, If I'm ever 'lected to con-
gress, YOU know what I'd go2
JagS-N9W, What2
Waggs-Td put de mile stuns closter to-
gedder, an We wouldn't haze TO walk so
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25

Our Casey didn't strike out when he
went to bat in the Colombian war
game. Instead. he scored a home run
by acting as peace mediator.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
Out of the Game.
(Baltimore American.l


Samson, awaking to find himself shorn
OF his locks, wept bitterly.
why so sad2" asked Delilah. Indeed,
/ always said you would look better with
your hair short"
'Oh. woman, wOmanf" moaned Samson.
Don't you know that this simply shat
tiers all my hopes of ever being fullback
for the Beersheba university efeven?'
Then at last came upon the woman the
fun realization of the evil she had
wrought.
re W.. - - Il H. ST
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-11-25
AmHSemeHfs



With the air Of Bill Bailly, won't
you please come homer still ringing
in her shell-liI1e ear, Little Eva gently
closed her weary eyes and passed on
to the angels-to the angels and the
great transformation scene. And when
Eva passed away most of the histri-
onic ability of Uncle Toms Cabin and
Grand Minstrel Show died with her,
for Eva is far the best actress
in the company, Uncle Tom being the
only other exhibiting genuine stage
ability.
Uncle Toms Cabin as given at the
Grand last night. was a medley of rag
time and the Flower Song" Simon
Legree and Amt Dat a Shame?"
Eliza on the ice and a street scene in
Copenhagen. Probably Harriet Beecher
Stowe never really intended that Den
mark should figure prominently in her
famous book, as the dramatizers of the
present effort have apparently got
Hans Christian Anderson mixed with
the authoresse Where Copenhagen
butts in is on the drop curtain, not
in the play. Owing to the fact that
Uncle Tom doesn't carry much excess
scenery around, the bit of perspective
from the Danish metropolis is rung
in and does duty for a county road,
rocky pass in the mountains, tav-
ern or two, a scene in a house,
garden and a street in New Orleans
Consequently, the effect of Uncle Tom
doing stunts, bareheaded, on the cold,
clammy stones of a deserted street is
not altogether artistic. and pleasing.
But the specialties save the show
They are all performed by colored pec-
pie, and as a rule are very clever, and
were much applauded by the large
audience. The show closes tomorrow
night, with the usual matinee.
The sale of seats for Held's band
minstrels begins at the Salt Lake The
atre this morning.
The advance sale for 1.-THE Telephone
Grip begins this morning at the
Grand
The Young Peoples Christian union
gives its entertainment at the Salt
Lake theatre tonight. It will be an
evening of music, pantomime and
tableaux, the Clavier quartette being
prominent on the programme with pi-
anO selections.