davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29
GOT GOOD ONE ON MARK TWAIN

This joke tho Humorlst Enjoys and
IL Proud or.
"It's an old story to say that tho
life of a man who has once got the
reputation Of professional humorist
is one long and dreary round of jokes
played upon him by well-intending
but mistaken friends, but once in q
while something really refreshing is
said or done-and I'm not sure but one
such chance as that is worth all tho
Others" The speaker was Mark Twain.
and he went on to relate what he con-
sidsred the most amusing of the at
tempted witticisms recently made at
his expense.
II read it in some one Of the liter
airy weeklies," said he, where it was
printed as though it were the an
nouncement of one Of my priceless
works, included in some auctioneer's
catalogue way along in those years
when at least this generation of jokers
will have ceased from fooling and the
laughter is at rest. Here it is" Then
he took from his pocketbook a scrap
of paper and read:
Lot No. 1853. My Political Career,
by Samuel l.. Clemens, pseudonym
Mark Twain. A political writer and
controversialist of the twentieth cen
fury. In his own day widely known as
a humorist. The only other copy OF
this rare book is in Carnegie library.
No. 1869, at Cropville, Me. Email
paper edition of 1903. Catalogue price,
$780,"
"Now there are two particularly
good points to that paragraph" went
on Mr.. Clemens, according to the New
York Times. Zone is that it puts a
fairly decent valuation on the little
things l dash off, and the other is that
it takes just a passing swing over in
the direction of Brother Andrew"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29
Airship to Cross the Sahara.

The aeronautical problem which Is
just now receiving most attention IN
France is a voyage across the desert
of Sahara. M. Deburaux considers 1t
absolutely practicable to travel from
Tunis to the Niger by means of the
winds blowing in that region. He
declares himself ready to make the
experiment. Up to the present time
his ambition has remained unrealized,
for the reason that the necessary
funds have not been forthcoming. To
construct and equip balloon with a
carrying capacity Of several passen-
gers would entail a cost of about
100000. .....
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29


CAPTAIN 0. Bertoletto of the italian
Barque "Lincelles," in recent letter
from the chief officer OF the Italian
Earque Llncelles, Pensacola, Fla,
writes:
81 have suffered for several years
with chronic catarrh OF tie stomach.
The doctors prescribed for mo without
n,yreceivingt the least benefit ThrouEh
one of your pamphlets I began the use
of Peruns, and two bottles Fave en-
to ali my friends. "---O. Bert0Ief!o.
In catarrh of the stomach, as we'll as
catarrh of any part Of the body, Peruna
is the remedy. AS has been often said
if Peruna will cure catarrh of one part,
it will cure catarrh of any other part OF
the body.
Catarrh is catarrh whever located,
and the remedy that will cure 1T any
where will cure it everywhere.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29
boat danced over the little st.r.lit

boat danced over the little star.lit
wavelets.
To conceal his real feelings. of
which . false modesty made him
ashamed, Merrick assumed gayety
of demeanor which rather puzzled the
girl, who would rather have seen him
serious, since then she might have
known he was wrestling with his
love.
Merrick and Jones saw Constance
to her hotel.
AFTER all it was q queer freak Of
fortune that placed me on board the
yacht just at the proper time to lend
assistance" said Merrick, seemingly
careless.
"A very fortunate bit Of chance for
me-" she replied, sincerely.
For minute neither spoke, and the
uncertainty grew apace like gathering
fog which could be dissipated by q
puff of wind, but no wind came.
II shall see you again, Mark" at
length said the girl, kindly.
III you remain at Nice, we shall
meet. My friend is Quixotic fellow
with hatred for games Of chance,
and a radical remedy for curing the
great public of all desire to play. His
treatment is on the homeopathic style
Of like curing like. So he means to
enter at Monte Carlo, and by breaking
the bank repeatedly excite the widest
interest in his sytem. Then finally he
will make it public, so that once this
is scattered broadcast it will never
pay men to open gaming place
again."
Tell me about it, Mark; you have
already succeeded in arousing my
curiosity" she said.
So he began.
The story was interesting and Mer.
rick had so much to say he could not
cut it short.
All the while Little Miss Millions
stood there looking up into his face,
so absorbed in his narrative that she
even forgot to take her hand from his
arm.
"Why, it reads like novel," de-
clared Constance, respectfully with the
three adventures that have befallen
you in my poor behalf"
Mark was tempted to say he hoped
it would also end like one, but the
words actually stuck in his throat
why, that would be just the same
as telling her he wanted her for his
wife, and with her millions, too.
Perish the thought.
And as he babe her good night he
squeezed her hand in way that made
her heart beat like trip-hammer; but
no word was said.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29
MRS. Z. sAILER,

! President German Relief Association,
Los Angeles, Cal.
= dsy st Q time how would feel the
Ssxt day. Five bottles of Lydia e.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
shanged all that, my days became days
of health, and have enjoyed every day
since-now six years.
"Ws have used considerable of your
Vegetable Compound in our charitable
work, as we find that to restore poor
mother to health so she can support her
6elf and those dependent upon her, if
such there be, is truer charity than to
rive other aid. You have my hearty
Endorsement, for you have proven
yourself q true friend to suffering wo-
men" -MRs. E. SA1LER, 1861 Hill St.,
Los Angeles, Cal.-s5ooo forfeit II above ts.-
timoniai 10 not genuine.
No other person can give such
helpful advice to women who
are. sick as can Mrs. Pinkham,
for no other has had such great
experience-her address is Lynn,
Mass, and her advice free-n
you are sick write her-yOu are
foolish If you don't.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29
Bishop II Philanthroplc.

DR.. Theodore Kohn, the prikce bish.
op of Olmutz, Austria, offers his gold
en- chariot and eight horses for sale to
use the money for the benefit Of the
poor. The carriage has been in pos
session Of the bishopric for several
hundred years.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

medicine have
eiven me almost complete relief. and
ana sure that a continuation OF them
will effect q permanent cure. Pima
is surely . wonderful remedy fcr ca
tarrhal affections y. D. Botkin.
This is case of catarrh OF the stom-
ach which had run for twenty-five
wears, according to his statement, ana
Perupa has at once come to his rellefs
promptly accomplishing for him moro
benef. chan he had been able to ma
in all other remedies during quarter
of o century.
It stands to reason that man OF
wealth and influence, like q Congress.
man of the great United States, has lefs
no ordinary means untried and no stone
unturned to find a cure.
If such cures as these do not verify
the claim not only that dyspepsia is due
to catnrrh of the stomach, but also tnat
Peruna will cure caturrh Of the stomach.
it is impossible to imagine how any
evidence could do so.
If you do not derive prompt and salts
factory results from the use OF Peruna,
| write 1T once to DR.. Hartman, giving .
full statement Of your case. and he viii
be pleased to give you his valuable ad'
vice gratis.
Address DR.. Hartman, President OF
The Hartman Sanitariam, Columbus.
Ohio
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

STATE OF OHIO, CITY OF TOLEDO, L.
LUCAS COUNTY, fsA
Frank j. Cheney makes oath that he Is thu
senior partner Of the firm OF F. J. Cheney & Co.,
and State aforesaid. and that said firm will paw
the sum of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for
each and every case OF Catarrh that cannot b0
cured by the use OF Halls Catarrh Cure
FRANK j. CHENEY.
Sworn to before me and subscribed in my
presence, this 9th day Of December, A. D. 1854
[SEAL] a. W. GML o.nl:, 1N,u.
Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken internally and
acts directly on the blood and mucous surfaces
of the system. Send for testimonials, free.
F.. J. CHENEY g. CO., Toledo, q
Sold by Druggists TIC.
Halls Family Pills are the best
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

Don't you know that Defiance
Starch. besides being absolutely su.
perior to any other. is put up 16
ounces in package and sells at same
price as Bounce package Of other
kinds?
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

II the people who can't write had
the brains of those who can, and those
who can. had the skill Of those who
can't, what a glorious literature We
would soon have"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

THE BEST RESULTS IN sTARCHINo
can DO obtained only by using Defiance
Starch, besides getting 1 o. more for
same money-no cooking required.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

WHEN YOU DUY BLUEYN0
Insist on getting Russ Bleaching Blue. DoaN
take cheap initiation. All groCers, 100,
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

People In glass houses should not
play pingpong.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

Plso's Cure cannot be too highly spoken Of
as a cough cure.-J. w. O'Brien. 822 Third
Ave-, N. Minneapolis. Mimi, Jan. 6. 1900.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

DON'T PAY FANCY PRICES
for poor soap. Velvet Cocoa Is the finest toilet
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

Strong impulses are but another
name for energy.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

A river must be pretty angry to foam
at the mouth. 1870
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

You can't have your cake and eat
II, but you can eat your own cake and
swipe the other fellows.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

II We 20 our duty tie world should
Sot complain.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for Childrel
Successfully used by Mother Gray, nurse
in the Children's Home in New York. Cures
Feverishness, Bad Stomach, Teething Dis.
orders, move and regulate the Bowels and
Destroy Worms. Over 30 1000 testimonials
At all druggists, 25c. Sample FREE. Ad
dress Allen 8. Olmsted. Leroy. N. Y.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

To Cure u Cold in One day.
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund money If it fails to cure. 2oc.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29
CHANGE OF LIFE.


! WD1A1 MRs. PMKHAN'-When I
raseol through what 10 known %
&Sass Of life,' I had two years SUIT
Rif3ae, sudden heat, and - quick
KIM would pass over me my appetite
ScSa variable and never could tell for
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

A polite boy can be counted on to
grow ND to a gentleman.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

tiles OF your med
icines-P g run .
and Manalin. I
h ave en- Of
hicted more or
less for n quarter
Of a century with
catarrh OF the
stomach and con-
stipation. A resi-
dence in Wash
ington has in-
creased h Q S Q
troubles. A few
bottles of your
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29
STATE OF OHIO, CITY OF TOLEDO, l..

In Chicago: Twill you marry me?"
What! again!"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

Defiance Starch is put up 16 ounces
in the package, 10 cents. One.th1rd
more starch for same money.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

Ladies' Can Wear Shoes
One size smaller after using Aliens Foot
Ease, a powder. 1t makes tight or new
shoes easy. Cures swollen, hot sweating.
aching feet, ingrowing nails, corns and
bunions. All druggists and shoe stores,
25c. Trial package FREE by mail Ad.
dress Allen s. Olmsted, Leroy, N. T.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29
Ladies' Can Wear Shoes

Regeneration does more than Sc
form.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

Comforts should never be secured
at the expense of another.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

Assistant Gin menagerie)-"Sir. It
rains!" Keeper - Good heavens!
Don't waste minute, but take in that
zebra. MS color runs"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29

90: ss,e s;s. - a.s ThcE,pson's Ego Eatsl
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1902-08-29
ANlITALIANJ CAPTAIN
Cured by Pe-ru-na of Catarrh OF the
Stomach After Doctors Failed.

The following letter from ConOse1e
man Botkin speaks for itself:
HOUSE or REPRESENTATIVES,
WASHINGTON, D. Q.
DR.. s. B. Hartman, Columbus, O.:
NV Dear Doctor-It gives me pleasure
to certify to the excellent curative quail.
New-York tribune., 1902-02-02
ADMIRAL SCHLET At NASHVILLE
CROWDS EAGER TO SEE THE MAN WHO
FOUGHT AT SANTIAGO

Nashville. Tenn. Feb. THE first days enter
tainment Of Admiral and Mrs Schey in Tennes-
sees capital ended tonight IN dinner 10 the
Admiral and a reception in honor OF Mrs. Schley.
While the knights Templar had the Admiral
introduced at the Maxwell House by the women OF
the patriotic societies Of the city.
At the Capitol this morning where welcome
formally extended by State and city the crush was
great the station last night, thousands
being unable TO gain entrance the hall OF the
House Of Represent tatives where the speeches
delivered. At the State House. Governor and Mrs.
McMillin. the Governors STAFF Ex-Governor Buch-
anan and others extended greetings. United States
Circuit Judge H. II. Lurton presided in the House
OF Representatives. Governor McMillin gave the
States welcome. Following the Governor were
number Of other speakers. Admiral Schley coming
last II was nearly ? o'clock when the Admiral con-
cuded his remarks evokng continued applause.
After a hurried luncheon at the Duncan Hotel the
party visited Vanderbilt University where Chancel-
lor Kirkland introduced the Admiral. who spoke
briefly TO the students assembled in the university
chapel.
From there Fisk University the colored institu-
tion endowed by Clinton B Fisk visited. The
Admiral spoke at some length and he warmed
10 his subject Mrs. Schey. who sat on the platform
Just In his rear became perCeptby nervous, and at
length addressed him in audible Turning
TO her for a moment the Admiral again faced his
audience. and. with twinkle in his eye, said: The
behind the man-behind the Runs-says
Cease talking and l shall have bid you good
by
1t after 6 o'clock when the hotel was reached
where the visitors dinsd in their apartments
and rested a short while preparatory to the even
ings programme. Tomorrow the Hermitage. the
home OF Andrew Jackson. will be visited and ser
vices in the old Jackson church attended
New-York tribune., 1902-02-02
HOSPITAL BRIDEGROOM DIES
FOLLOWS IN DEATH THE CHAPLAIN
WHO MARRIED HIM.

William Bell Baldwin, the inventor, whose
marriage on January II last in the Presby-
terian Hospital on what proved 10 be his death
bed. was followed Immediately by the death Of
Chaplain Thomas II. Wall. of the hospital. who
performed the ceremony, succumbed to blood
poisoning last night in the bed on which he lay
when he was married. The bride, who
Miss Bertha Wilson Sanborn. is left a widow.
Mr.. Baldwin lived No. l26 West One-hun-
dred-and -twenty-uinth-st. He was stricken with
blood poisoning on January J. and was removed
TO the PRESBYTERIAN Hospital The young wOm-
an who had promised to become his wife was
almost constantly with him. When il was
nounced that an operation would have TO be
performed to save Mr. Baldwin's life Miss San
born declared without hesitation that she would
marry him Immediately. Mr.. Baldwin was a
friend Of the chaplain, who was eighty years
old. and he asked him to perform the ceremony.
Three weeks ago last night the marriage took
place in the hospital. Several relatives stood
by the side Of the bed Dr.. Wall moved away,
and then overcome 10y the excitement and heart
trouble. he swooned and died. Mr.. Baldwin was
much disturbed by the death Of his friend. He
bore up well as he could, but he had too hard
a fight against blood poison. and It at last over
came him
New-York tribune., 1902-02-02
LINK" RAILROAD MERGER.
CHICAGO BURLINGTON AND QUINCY GETS
THROUGH LINE FROM KANSAS CITY
TO ATLANTIC COAST.

Chicago Feb. John W Gates has according
10 Inc Tribune announced the sale Of a group OF
iodus 10 the Morgan-Hill interests The result of
.Ie SAFE IS that certain link railroads Of the
mississippi and Missouri valleys have been placed
uhoer control Of the Chicago Burlington and
quincy Company. The 1eal is said to involve SO =
'oiWo IN money and more in railroad securities
MI. Gates recently conferred In this city with
'esaI representatives OF the Hill interests The out
come was, according 10 the paper mentioned, the
sale OF the Kansas City, Peoria and Chicago Rail-
way company TO the Burlington. and incidentally
lHe securing of large profits TO the promoters The
Des 'ha' MT Gates sells We're Incorporated into
minor railroad system a few weeks ago. but it
became important 20 the Burlington obtain that
system to MI NJ through line from Kansas City
to the Atlantic coast
MT Gates IS said TO be IN the deal by accident
lie bought 100000 stock in the Guardian Trust
company Of Kansas City. an institution promoted
DN A r. Stillwell, who then controlled the Kansas
liE. PittsburR and Gulf Because of friction with
~ bdhdSt!nent Of the trust company he obtained
ne appointment OF a receiver The railroad lines
H. r9leu south from Kansas City fell into the
maus OF the Hartman syndicate. but the Northern
on IoduS We're left 10 the creditors The claims of
the iaiter We're then bought by Mr.. Gates
New-York tribune., 1902-02-02
THE LIABILITY or EMPLOYERS.

In = memorandum on bill now before the legis-
lature, known as Senate bill No u, and entitled
AN act to extend and regulate the liability of
pOyers TO. make compensation for personal IN
Juries suffered by employees" George F. Seward.
president OF the Fidelity and Casualty Company.
says the measure would have effect greatly to
extend the liability Of employers In cases OF acct
dents to employees For instance. il would make
the employer liable for injuries to emplOye by
reason Of the negligence or another employe eXer-
cisinR powers of Superintendence. thus destroying
the rule hy which a superintendent Is regarded as
a fellow servant with persons under him and max
ing al employer liable for larger number of acct
dents. Again 1t would make the employer respon-
sible for injuries to employees by Of failure
to comply with provisions of law intended for the
grea ter safety of employees. Then. too. the bill
provides that employe shall be presumed 10 have
assumed only the necessary risks OF employment
and no others. and that by continuing In such en-
ployment. without knowledge OF danger OF injury,
the employe shall not he considered assuming
the risk of injury, but that shall be matter for
the jury 70 determine
New-York tribune., 1902-02-02
NJ RIDER TALK IN SOTTH ST.
DEATH IN \ SALOON POLICE IN IG-
NORANCE

Rumor and talk around the Battery last night
had II that d man hal been murdered in
South-st saloon OF a low character Several
persons lounging in Of the principal hotels
of the neighborhood said that il was common
talk that the had been killed.
Swedish sailor, II said. had exhibited
roll Of bills, which contained SIG or $l7, in the
saloon. The loungers gathered around and the
sailor treated to several drinks Seeing that
they We're gettiI 3 only drinks for their pains,
they hit him over the head with a bottle. He
fell and received a savage kicking He never
got up. and died in few minutes. according TO
the rumor. Inquiry at the old Slip police sta
tion last night at midnight elected the fact that
the police said that they had no record of any
such case. When apprsed OF the way people
We're talking about ii the sergeant said. "Oh,
well. We'll detail a detective on the case to-mor-
row and see what there is in IT."
New-York tribune., 1902-02-02
RTVES on CORONERS' POWERS.
CORPORATION COUNSEL SAYS DISTRICT ATToR
NEY SHOULD BE TAKEN INTO THEIR
FULL CONFIDENCE

corporation Counsel Rives has sent opinion to
president Goldenkranz OF the Board Of Corouers in
which he says that in homicide cases a coroner
may issue warrant for any suspected person. pro-
vided that person is not already In custody, and
That such person may be examined by the
ner as by magistrate. If The person Is in GUS
tody before the coroner acts he must be examined
by police magistrate. He distinguishes the duty
Of the coroner from that OF the District Attorney
as being restricted to discovering whether death
or wound has been caused by a criminal act,
and II the duty of the District Attorney is the
prosecution OF the case
He holds that the have judicial func-
tons which, in so far they relate 10 the arrest
and commitment OF person accused OF crime. are
coordinate with those Of the city magistrates.
He adds that he sees reason why there should
be any jealousy rivalry between these as. far
as the public interests are concerned, IT make
possible difference whether a criminal is
mitted by coroner city magistrate.
Regarding the District Attorney he says:
He has no statutory relations 10 the coroners and
no power over them in the of controlling the
manner in which they to discharge their otii-
Cal duties. but in order to facilitate the admins
tration OF the criminal law / should suppose that
II would usually be desirable and becoming in
every OF suspected homicide. and especially in
the District Attorney should he represented before
the coroner and his jury, and should have access
10 the records and be taken into the coroners fun
confidence
New-York tribune., 1902-02-02
THE POSTER NUISANCE N CHICAGO.

In the course Of a letter the Municipal Art
Society, in reply invitation to its annual
dinner. Franklin MacVeagh, president OF the Mu
nicipaI Art League of Chicago says:
OF abuses TO be reformed. the main one ia the
smoke nuisance" The other one is the abuse OF
public advertising, seen mainly in the multpliCa-
lion of billboards which IS OF on.y few years
standing These hope TO mitigate through
legislation and the courts. We now have a
complete ordinance for smoke prevention Ghat Is,
the prevention Of the making OF smoke in the
boiler in the hands OF the judiciary committee of
our Citv Council. and In fair way toward pas
sage.
The City Council in 1900 and 1901 passed restrictive
ordinances billboards and these are now In
r,roc of dissection by the courts. In this mat
Ter we also moral suasion AMI the force OF
New-York tribune., 1902-02-02
SUFFOLK WANTS ITS WATER.
UP STATE LEGISLATORS OPPOSED TO DRAWING
FROM IT TO SUPPLY BROOKLYN

The Mayor held a conference yesterday afternoon
with Commissioner J. Hampden DouSherty OF the
Department Of Water supply Gas and Electricity.
Senator W. Cocks. Of Nassau, and Assemblynon
". A Reese and George A Robinson. Of Suffolk,
and George VI. Doughty, of Nassau J. NJ De
NarOna, chief engineer Of the Brooklyn water sup
ply also was present. The object to discuss
the advsabilty OF the repeal Of the Burr law.
which prohibits the drawing of water supply by
Brooklyn from Suffolk County. The given
for the prohibition is that It would injure the
oyster industry. The engineer OF the Water De
partment said he had found that IS per cent Of
the rainfall in Suffolk could be drawn. which
would add 100000 gallons to the Brooklyn sup
ply The Suffolk County representatives op-
posed TO allowing Brooklyn 10 have any ter
from their county. No decision reached. but
II IS understood that Commissioner DCugherty will
soon begin an action testing the constitutionaiity
Of the law.