davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
HE WAS A PAINTER.

A Drunken Prisoners Excuse In q
+ New York Police Court.
1t is characteristic of almost all the
prisoners except the drunks that their
chief concern is 10 secure delay. They
plead and beg for an adjournment,
which they know will only postpone
the inevitable for a day or two, and
that although, through their inability
to obtain bail, they will Dlve to stay in
prison just the same. The most plausi-
bic explanation is that they all are
fatalists, always hoping that something
unexpected may turn up to stave of
the impending catastrophe. The
drunks, on the other hand, are more
eager to face the arbiter Of their fates,
knowing that nothing worse than fine
is likely to befall them and that the
sooner it is imposed the sooner it may
be paid or served of. And then there
is the chance, if the magistrate is in
good humor, that they may get away
unscathed at once.
AS IL IUie. d1luOuSA uOl SStOou DILL
in their cups, they are loath to make
any discriminating admissions. "No
Sir" protested a man who kept himself
from falling over by holding on nerv-
ously to the bar; "I'm not drunk,
cause no ones drunk who's not falling
all over himself" Excuses Of the most
wonderful kind. some Of them really
ingenious. others merely ridiculous, are
put forward when the futility CT feign-
ing innocence has been discovered. The
cleverest explanation Of that kind that
I ever heard was advanced by man
who, when taxed with having dis
played unmistakable signs of intoxica-
ton, simply replied that he was
painter by trade.
THAT has nothing to do with your
condition." said the magistrate.
"Of course it has," rejoined the pris-
oner. II was painting a barber pole
and kept on twisting after the stripes
until got SO dizzy that the cop thought
I was ooZy."-Edward Biorkman in
Century.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19

s aFor -four years suffered untold agony
writes Mrs. Z. A. Nations, OF Wits Springs,
Searcy Co., Arkansas. USornetines would get
some better and think would get well, only to
wake up some morning not able to Tse. In my
hips and around lower parts of abdomen was
where suffered the most, and when the pain
would give way It scattered all over me and
would 6e so soLe and stiff could scarcely move.
NY husS&nd got the best doctor IN the country
to attend me but cid not improve any. Finally
told my husband that was going to Try Dr..
Pierces medicines. BY the time had taken one
bottle Of Favorite Prescription could notice
little improvement. DIR. Pierce advised me to
take Golden Medical Discovery IN connection
with the 'Favoritc Prescription BY the time
had taking Eve bottles Of Favorite Prescrip-
ton and four Of the Golden Medical Discoy-
ery,sI was we'll. That wss two years ago this
summer. felt we'll until expected to become
a mother then threatened rnischauce greatly
weakened me, and my old disease returned. My
husband got another doctor for me, but seemed
to Just drag along and get no better. AT last
told the doctor tiat II his medicine did not help
NE would 90 back TO Dr. Fieree's medicines.
did so, and by the time had taken them one
month conid do my own honseworI, except
washing, and tended my garden. too. was
stouter than ! had ever been while waiting
baby's coming since my first baby came (th!s
one was the sixth cliild) She is now eleven
months old, aud is 4 healthy child. AS Tor me,
feel as young now. at thirty, as did at eight
cen years of age"
DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets cure bill
iousness and sick headache.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
Hilton's Life for the
Liver and Kidneys
overcomes constipa-
ton.

People who use silver pills" ought
to try the we'll known Ramon's Liver
Pills and Tonic Pellets. No handful
for a dose-no constant dosing-no
debilitating, weakening effect. They
are far superior to the ordinary pill.
Box of 25 doses 25c. Harman's
Bazaar.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
Just What You Need.

ChamberIain's Stomach and Liver
Tablets,
When you feel dull after eating.
When you have no appetite.
When you have bad taste in the
mouth.
When your liver is torpid.
When your bowels are constipe'ed
When you have headache.
When you feel bilious.
They will improve your appetite,
cleanse and invigorate your omach,
and regulate your liver and bowels
Price 25 cents per box. For sale by
j. E Ksufmann.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
Willing to Be Sued.

'T once threatened to sue an old fei-
low in Vermont for $40 that he owed q
client Of NINE" said a New York law
yer, "but the threat did not seem to i'm.
press him much.
"'What good will it do you to sue
meT he asked.
"'It will get the money answered.
"Here the fellow came up close to me
and said, Say. if that's so, sue me for
$40, won't you, and give me the other
s10.'
81 gave up hope of collecting that
claim."-New York Times.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
20 Thread q Hair Through Walnut

go Thread q Hair Through n Walnut.
TO pass Il hair through a walnut
without boring Il hole seems an impos-
sibility, but the feat has often been
done. The hull Of the walnut when
examined with a strong glass is seen
to have innu,nerable small openings.
some Of which lead entirely through
the nut. The trick consists in using q
very fine hair and an infinite amount
cf patience. Pass the hair into one of
these minute crevices and urge it gen.
tly along. Sometimes it will appear On
the other side ut the first trial, but if
it comes out at tie hundred and first
you will be very lucky
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
CARDS, THEN DEATH
A DOOMED DESERTER WHO PLAYED
POKER AND WON.

As Preliminary to His Execution
He Had His Winnings Distributed
Among the Members Of the Squad
That Shot Him to Death.
ut is a curious fact" said a men,
Der Of Company a, Third Maryland,
that military execution had peculiar
fascination for men who were daily
accustomed to see hundreds slain in
battle. Men who shovel breastwork
in on trench full of slain comrades
and chew hardtack or eat salt pork
while at the job with a callousness
which only such frequent scenes or oc-
currences would make possible in the
human heart became peculiarly sensi-
tive and alive to the solemn parade
and formalities of a military execution.
In our regiment we had a private
soldier sentenced to be shots for desert
ing to the enemy. His came was
Thompson, and he belonged to Com
pany X. This man Thompson had de-
serted off vedette post one night and
some two months afterward came into
our lines, where members Of his own
company happened to be on picket
duty. Thompson did not calculate on
this. His idea in coming in was to sur
render as Confederate soldier and be
sent north. It happened near to the
Weldon railroad, where our division Of
the Ninth corps was then posted. Of
course, on being recognized, he was
taken to headquarters, and a court
martial was Immediately convened. 1t
leaked out somehow that Thompson
was not the humble soldier he seemed,
but Confederate officer and spy. He
had been an officer in the United States
navy before the war. He resigned and
went south, where he secured the COM
mission Of colonel of infantry.
.Being q Marylander Of family, ef-
forts were made to save his life, but In
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
Luck in Thirteen.

Bv sending IL miles VIM. Spirey,
of Walton Furnace, w., got box OF
Bucklen's Arpica Salve, that wholly
cured a horrible Fever Sore on his
leg. Nothing else could Positively
cures Bruises. Felops, Ulcers. Erup-
tions, Boila, Burns, Corns and Piles.
Oo!y 25c. Guaranteed by j. E Kauf-
mann, druggist.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19

writes Mr.. J. c. Beers, of Bergman. Crawford
Co., Mo. For two years tried medicine from
doctors but received very little benefit. 1 lost
flesh and strength, was not able to do good
days work. commenced taking DR.. Pierce's
Golden Medical Discovery, and when had
taken one bottle I could sleep and my appetite
was wonderfully improved. I have taken five
bottles and am still improving"
The sole motive for substitution is to
permit the dealer to make the little more
profit paid by the sale of less meritori-
Gus medicines. He gains; you lose.
Therefore, accept no substitute for
vGoiden Medical Discovery"
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
Home Disconiforts.

"No," grumbled the husband in a
spasm Of confidence to a friend, 81
have no place at all for my books. The
storage room is kept exclusively for
my wife"
"Oh, she puts away those things that
are trifle too good to be destroyed,
yet scarcely Cood enough to be Of use" :"
Brooklyn Life.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
IT feel as young
now, at thirty, as I
did at eighteen years
Of age. -

That is part of the statement of one
woman, mother of six children, who
found new life by the use of DR.. Pierce's
Favorite, Prescription. It is not the Or
dinary cares of the family, nor the natu-
raj obligations of motherhood, which
make women prematurely old. But it is
the wonanly diseases, drairing away the
vitality, and undermining the strength,
which take the roundness and supple
ness from the form, the bloom from the
cheek and the brightness from the eye.
DR.. Pierce's Favorite Prescription cures
those womanly diseases which rob women
of youth and beauty. It establishes reg
ularity, dries enfeebling drains, heals
inflammation and liberation, and cures
female weakness. It makes weak women
strong and sick women we'll. 1t brings
back to the mother the iishfueartedness
Of her bridal day This is :hc testimony
of Thousands of women w.:o have re-
newed their youth by the use of Wa
yorite Prescription"
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
Il the Baby is Cutting Teeth.

Be sure and use that old and well
tried remedy, Mrs. Winslow's Sooth-
ing Syrup for children teething. It
soothes the child, softens the gums,
allays all pain, cures wind colic and
is the best remedy for diarrh@a.
twenty-five cents bottle.
It is the best of all.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
Greenville, Tenn.

GreenVllle, Tenn.
I have thoroughly convinced my
self that DR.. Bakers Blood and
Liver Cure is the finest medicine
made for Indigestion and Constipa-
tion. Il have tried them ally and
was cured by the use of this medi-
cine, If @: all others had failed. I
most cheerfu'ly and rnhesitatingly
endorse it. Yours truly,
81. n. Baker, Mayor.
For sale at the Bazaar.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19

And One OF Them Went Wrong.
Adam was lucky in another way. He
him how lie ought to bring up his boys.
Chicago Record Herald.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
For Sale,

1 Tract of land containing 96 acres, more
or lees. adjoining lands of Mrs E. A. Cor.
ley. A. R. Taylor, Mrs. Sea-trunkand T. E..
Rawl
l Trac. of 95 acres, more or less. adjoin-
ing lands Mrs. Susan Seastrunk, Peter
Pounds, A. h. Taylor and T. E. RawL
Fol terms, ETC., apply to
ALFRED J. FOX.
Lexington, S. G.
4y2
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
Y{e End Learned IT.

Il heard Il good story the other day."
began the grL :ery man. ''about q GER
tain politician
''rhat will do" interrupted the dis
appointed officeSeeker. SIN the first
place, there are no certain politicians"
Chicago News.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
Fresh Fish.

I will have for sale au assor tment
of fresh fish every Tuesday and
Saturday at J. W. Longs Old Store.
Give me call when you want nice
mess Of fresh fsh.
# John A Williams.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
Accounted For.

Barnes-There goes Stavers. l never
saw anybody who could stand the
hard knocks Of life as he can. He's
man Of iron.
Howes-That accounts for It. l
thought he looked rather rusty.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19
Her Call.

Il ran into town today to do some
shopping, DEAR" said Mrs. Subbubs,
entering her husbands office. "and
p
Il see." he interrupted. "and you just
ran in here because you ran out"
Ran out?"
"Yes; Of money" - Philadelphia
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19

The fool sits down and worries about
the living the world owes him. but the
wise guy hustles around and collects
the interest on the debt. - Chicago
News.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-11-19

One Of the hard things to under
stand is how such nice grandmothers
as everybody has ever could have been
mother-in-laws.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-05-03
Things We see.

A dainty novedty in neckwear is the
leaf effect boa. 1t is constructed of
small pieces of silk or chiffon, cut in the
form AMI Size OF flower petals, and has
long steamers al the front. trimmed in
the same manner.
The complexion veil promises to usurp
the place of the chiffon as the weather
becomes miider. Black is the most in
demand, and a few complexion wells of
black and white are worn. Occasionally
a touch of blue is added
a new finish for waists consists OF q
white lace collar, edged with finely Dleat-
ed black chiffon, which IS in turn bor-
dered with narrow citiffoa posmpadour
ruching. 1t has the effect of a bertha and
gives the desired width at the shoulders.
The chain on which the fashionable
woman carries her metal pocketbook is
now made of black jet. A few are of
black metal, with tiny places of jet set
in at intervals.
A fall of lace in veil effect is a feature
of dress hats, and the shops are show
ing especially designed lace scarfs for
this purpose.
\ bookrack for the library table is of
mahogany inlaid. a revolving case on
small scale. 1t is square, and each side
will hold two books of ordinary size. 1t
is quite convenient.
Deep, wide-armed, comfortable, easy
chairs of willow are shown for the sum-
mer furnishings. These chairs nave the
seat and back cushioned with leather in
red, green and black.
The pretty little hearts which so many
wear nowadays and which are set solid
~ with precious stones of some kind or
other are called paved hearts" Their
expense depends on the kind aud number
of jewels used.
Prettily colored and useful Turkish
bath mats are now shown as a hint to
purchasers who are refurnishing. These
mats, if used as intended, only spread ON
the floor at the time of bathing. and then
dried and put away, will last for long
time.
What do we live for il it is not to
make life less difficult for others? Ev-
cry day | see more how necessary it is
to be consistent, uncompromising and
gentle; for often, perhaps, when word
would not be borne. an act of forbear-
ance or self-denial might be remembered
in a cooler mOment-A. Ham.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-05-03
Trolley Talk.

The amount of information floating
idly around in trolley car is astonish-
ing. You need not strain your hearing
organs to learn that:
She is forty years old, sir, if she is a
day.
Peas and beans served with a mushy
dressing, are horrid. always use but
ter and pepper on ours
u III going to take Il run to Canada in
May, and | shall buy my raincoat there.
You can get the real English kind a good
deal cheaper on Canadian soil"
she keeps her refrigerator perfectly
lovely, and anybody win know house
keeper by her refrigerator"
That's positively my last appearance
in that establishment. They never sell
what they advertise"
Brand new umbrella. too. Gave a Y
for it Saturday. Wind just scopped I'M
der and there's what's left
Sweet little face, hasn't she? Dimples
are SO becoming!'
1T was lovely hat, but | couldn t
wear it. | have to have something
pitched over my face"
''She said ii was perfectly idle for me
to try getting a No. ] shoe with heel.
Women are getting so large that the
stores have no sale for small shoes ex.
cept to children"
And so on, until You know what they
eat, what they wear, who they know
and incidentally, what they are.-Phila-
delphia Bulletin
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-05-03
One Girls Pride Humbled.

\ certain "woman's magazine" has a
'character-reading-by costume" depart
ment. One sends a description of one $
clothes accompanied by a coupon cut
from the magazine, and ones virtues
and faults are pointed out by the seeress
The other day said Seeress received the
following letter from a schoolboy:
My sister has got a new party dress
but she is going to write and tell you
that it is ball dress, COS it's little
bit low neck. and it's GOT some flowers
on, but that's rot becos she's only IL
and it's only a party, though she pre-
tends it's ball. She's going TO have
her character taken by you. But Just
You tell her the truth, and don't say she's
not stuck up. She thinks she's every
body now with her new black hat ami
feather and carrickle jacket and she has
got her hair up. She was n jolly sight
more of a girl with her Tam o Shanter
and short dresses. Now she's the young
lady! She thinks she can jump on me-
I'm Is and | wear long trousers, but I'm
not stuck up. Just you say what
say in the paper, not what she wants
She goes in for love rot now. and wears
openwork stockings and ring which the
mater doesn't know about. I've bagged
this coupon, so she'll have to buy another
paper for her letter. She's going to call
herself -. Please sage something nice
about me, just TO bust my sister.
ssSOCkER"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-05-03
Your Garments Must Cling.

Whatever you have or whatever YOU
don't have for your spring and summer
outfit, there are certain things of line
that must be remembered and carried
out With these you can wear what you
please and look well. Without them you
will be hopelessly out OF style, and no
amount of money or richness of material
WILL redeem YOU. First, your garments
must cling to the figure. No pads on
the hips and no hustle are permissible.
You must look as slim as possible about
the hips and as far down as the knees,
where your skirts may begin to flare.
Skirts must lay on the ground one inch
in front. three on the sides and six in the
back. The only exceptions to this rule
are the business and outing skirts, which
must be short all around, and the elab-
crate frock, which may be much longer
in the back. Shoulders must be broad
and dropping. The shoulder seams are
cut long, and collarettes and other bodice
garniture drOOp far over the sleeves
Woman'S Home Companion.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-05-03

sufficient vitality, an operation for
ovarian troubles. Not very cheerful
prospect, to be sure. I, however, was
advised TO try Lydia Il. Pinkham'S
Vegetable Compound and San
alive Wash; L did SO, fortunately
for me. Before month had passed L
felt that my general health had i'm
proved; in three months more | was
cured, and / have been in perfect
health since. 1 did not lose an engage
ment or miss a meal.
g Your Vegetable Compound is GER
tainly wonderful, and well worthy the
praise your admiring friends who have
been cured are ready to give you. l
always speak highly of it, and you
will admit L have good reason to do
so."-MRs. G. BRUCE, Lansing, Mich.
$4,000 forfeit If above testimonial is not genuine.
The fullest counsel on this
subject can be secured without
cost by writing TO Mrs Pinkham,
Lynn, Mass. Your letter Will be
entirely confidential.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-05-03
IMMIGRANTS 1.-THE LIMIT. /"
Secretary OF the Treasury Shaw Tells
of His Department.


A caller in the treasury department
last week asked Secretary Shaw how
ne liked his Office.
~That reminds me of tie story OF the
four blind men and the elephant" re-
turned the secretary. The first blind
man touched the ELEPHANTS side Why,
he said. an elephant is like a wall. The
second blind man put MS arms around
the elephants leg. IL isn't like a wall,
he asserted, but like a tree. The third
blind man caught hold OF the elephant 5
tail. You're both wrong he declared.
An elephant is like a rope The fourth
blind man touched TIE elephants tusk
How can you say slch thiHgsT he ex-
claimed. An elephant is like Il stone
Now. my views of the treasury de-
partment, continued the secretary. ''are
as different as those OF the blind men
about the elephant. Take the customs
division, for example. That deals with
the sea and all that comes over the sea.
The secret service-tbat looks out for
cOunterfeiters, protects the President and
does good detective work The internal
revenue ofice-that has its eye on moon
sinners and collects the internal taxes.
And then there's the immigration bureau
that is hell"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-05-03
$4,000 BOXES FREE.

John A. Smith Of Milwaukee can SYM
pathize with rheumatic sufferers, because
he was himself tortured by this disease
for years. He made thorough study
of his own case and of the causes of the
disease, following this with the expert
mental use of remedies suggested by the
knowledge thus gained. Ultimately he
found a combination of herbs which com
pletely I'D his system of every trace of
rheumatism, and, though years have
elapsed, he is still perfectly free from
any symptom of the old ailment. Neigh
sbOrs and friends to whom Mr.. Smith
gave the remedy were cured with equal
thoroughness and permanence and "Glo-
ria Tonic" as Mr.. Smith named the dis
covery, began to be in demand. Since
that time many thousands have by its
use been relieved of the terrible Attic
ton of rheumatism. Mr.. Smith has To-
600 sample packages of this remedy
which he desires to distribute, free of
charge, among rheumatic sufferers. He
therefore authorizes the announcement
that any reader of this paper may OBJ
tain a free trial package of '.Gloria
Tonic" by addressing John A. Smith.
No. so Germania building, Milwaukee.
Wis
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-05-03
raoM arRorHALAMIoN.y

Oh. dawn that ushers 10 the bridal day
And with the twilight brings the bridal JOY
Tours Is the torch that once would light tue
OF that fair pagan boy.
Who guided hearts. and married their de-
ala closed the portals on the Duptial
No more ne cones. all winged with desire.
And nambeau burning bright;
No more he brings his gnawakened Tyre.
And makes the strings dance TO the dow
ing breeze;
No more his careless heart is set on fire
In bower after bower OF amorons ease.
And sou. twin souls, who on this happy
day
Have married hearts. and mingled the two
streams
Of your own fates in, this more perfect way.
Behold the bright girl AprlI's dancing, eyes
Grow brighter with your dreams;
She sets the sun mid showers In the skies.
To mock your tender tears; and on the
Through the dank earth wrapped in curling
The ileod-root flower forgets her winters
In longing for your bridal: May-time brings
Arbutus and anemone, and nils
The woods with perfume. but the April sun
Holds court in heaven. and the robin sings
Fu.ihearted carols when the bride Is Won
Not here within the bridal clasp Of hands.
BHt in the Eden Of your highest hope,
The perfect future stands:
You do fOretOken that diviner day
We eat our hearts In praying for, and Srope
Through shadows on the never ending way
The goal is far, but earth and heaven the
nrize:
On this bright dawn LET Us forget our fears.
And yield TO every hope your nuptleis
rouse:
For echolng Sinai Nazareth Is wise
AMI Ill the hcartache Of the grinding years
Is buried in yo1r deathless marriage vows.
y L. Splngarn in the Atlantic.