The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-02-19

I
RoYAl eAklNo POWDER CO., NEW YORK.
- - - -
IN A HUMOROUS VEIN.
" Hes a grandfather and vet he's
going to marry that young Miss Kittle
Skittish."
Yes. He's old enough not TO know
any better"
The Teacher When the logs get
caught IN the fast. moving stream, what
would you call that?
The Boy-Why, I'd call that cur
rent jam.-Yokers Statesman.
Mrs. Neighbors-Do you and your
husband live happily together?
Mrs. Enpeck- Sure. I'd just like to
see my husband try not TO live happily
with me.-Chicago News.
Mamma: "Teacher tells me Won
were very naughty in school yesterday.
Why did you not tell me yourself2n
Tommy: Why -er-you ALWAYS
told me not to tell tales out of SCHOOL,
iou say you are not sure it was
sulcide?" asked the newspaper man.
No, stranger" responded Amber
fete; "he was playing solitaire, caught
himself cheating, and, of course. he
had to shoot.-Chlcago News.
What is the difference between &
statesman and a politician?n
a statesman is a man who can
Damooozle the public without being
FOUND out; politician is man who
doesn't care whether he is found out
or not so long as he gains his ends"
"lf had an engagement with you,"
SAID the clerk, "it would be this"
And he gently placed date with a
peach.
No." answered the pretty cashier,
F" it would be like this"
And she laid the date beside the
canned holsters.
Teacher" What zone is ibis in
which we livc?" Johnny. 4 M
perate.' Teacher" Correct. M
what is meant by a temperate zone
Johnny--'' It's a place where its
freezin' cold in winter an' red-hol "a
summer. er."-Philadelphia Press.
"I suppose" said the physician
smiling and trying to appear witty,
while feeling the pulse of a lady patient,
suppose you consider me an lld
humbug?'
Why, DOCTOR" replied the lady, 81
had no idea you could ascertain a wo-
mans thoughts by merely feeling her
pulse"
How's Mandy gttin' along at that
fashionable boardin' schoo?"
"She's learnin' things hand over
list. She can write four-page letter
now SOS you have to turn 1t upside
down and sideway six or eight times
fore you git to The end of it."-
Chicago Record HERALD.
eyes," said the Fairy Ptince, :. YOU
may have whatever you want for q
Christmas present"
will choose" said the Fortunate
Person, either wife or an automo-
BILE"
"How foolshr' exclaimed the Fairy
Irlnce. "Why do you not select some
thlng that you can manager"
"There is another application for
you to give something to avery worthy
enterprise" said the Congressman's
wife.
"Well, it's hard mat II to decide :"
he answered. If | don't give. nv
constituents will consider me ungra-
cious. And If do, they will think |
am luxuriating here in Washington
with nothing to do but waste money!
CAS- to my morit," said the young
man who was asking the lady's father
for her hand, "you will have to take
me at my face value"
WE'LL" answered the fond father,
you'L have to drop in later In the day.
The market quotations on brass are
not out yet. ."-Baltimore American.
Some years ago at a Mardi Gras ball
at the Hopkins Institute of Art, man
masked, approached woman masked
and asked her for dance, as is con-
sldered right and proper at Mardi Gras
But don't know you, sir,o said the
lady in her most ICY tone. .W I'll,
I'm taking as big risk as you are -
retorted the man.-San Francisco Ar
gonaut.
| Jacob A. Riis tells of an Irish team
ster who went to the priest in a fright;
he had seen ghost on the church wall
as he passed it in the night. "And
what was 1t like?" asked the priest.
"1t was like nothing so much as a big
ass" said Patrick wild eyed. eco
home, Pat, and be easy replied the
priest, soothingly; "you'ye only seen
your own shadow"
"During my ABSENCE" says phylsl.
clan quoted by The Rochester + at.
Express, "my two boys got into nay
consulting room, where they began
to play at being doctors Presently
one of them unlocked the do( r and dis,
$ closed skeleton. sPooh. What are
: you 'fraid of2' he asked. It's moth.
ing but an old skellington.' sW-wh
where did it come from?' asked tht
, other with chatterlng teeth. 'Oh, J
/, don't know, Papa's had it long til >
/ oUnarf yuoo bia Rrot ,1ot;o.~A i