Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-03-06
THE INCONVENIENCE
OF A RETURN TO LIFE
lOriginal.1

"The gentleman over the way is
dead, sir"
My valet made the announcement as
he sat down the tray with my break
fast.
"Poor fellow!!' l remarked. Rather
I should pity those who remain be-
hind"
They're better off than if he KEN
back, sir"
"What do you mean?
"I knew a man oncet who KEN back,
sir, and it was very i~nconvenient."
"Tell me about it."
He did so, and 1 listened to his story
while l ate my breakfast:
"Pat Dolan was laid out, with can
dies at his head and feet and covered
with a sheet. Pat had been in the best
of health till one mornin' he was found
lynn beside the road, dead. That's
what everybody who saw i'm said, SO
his body was made ready for the wake.
"Now, Pat had been a thrifty man
and had put by a good many gold
pieces, which he kept in a wooden
stockin' in the clock. He hadn't been
married, but was goin' to be to a lusty
redheaded girl, Bridget O'Toole, TWEEN
ty years behind i'm in age. The banns
had been published when Pat was
found dead. Bridget would have been
satisfied with Pats death if he died a
few days after instead of a few days
before the weddin', for she preferred
Tom Flannagan; but, KNOWN Of the
goldpieces Pat had hid away, she pre-
ferred 'em even to Tom.
"As Pat couldn't be buried till the
doctor returned and certified that he
was dead, and the watchers havin'
drunk a deal Of Irish whisky and hay
in been awake two nights in success
sion, on the third grew mighty sleepy.
Bridget was becomin' impatient, for
since there was no relatives to claim
Pats gold and she was to have been
his wife she was thinkin' of his FORUM
and anxious to get hold of it. About 8
o'clock in the mornin' every watcher
except Bridget O'Toole and Tom Elan
nagan was asleep. The two set in a
corner layin' plans for housekeepin' as
soon as they had secured Pats gold
and a dacent tonne had gone by.
"I'm thinkin', Bridget said Tom,
sye'd betther secure the FORUM at once.
There'il be a crowd of relatives afther
1t If We give 'em toime.'
"'What a head We have on We, Tom,
DEAR replied Bridget, L don't know
where the gold is, but Pat tould me
t'war hid somewhere in the house. The
watchers bein' asleep, it's a foine time
to look
"With that they got up and hunted
the house high and low, at last comm
to the old clock. Openin' the door,
showin' the weights and the pendulum
within, Bridget bent down, Tom bend
in over her, and drew up the stockin'
filled to the knee with the yellow metal.
Then, holdin' it up, they turned to
feast their eyes on t.
But their eyes saw another sight.
Pats shanty was on the banks of the
river, and there never was a river that
didn't produce muskeeters. 1t was a
beggarly little musketeer that spoiled
everything. While Bridget and Tom
was huntin' for a FORUM the little
beast was huntin' FOR somethin' to eat,
and at the moment they found the
gold it found blood, good live blood, in
the tip of Pats nose. Whin Bridget and
Tom turned to enjoy the sight of the
gold, they saw Pat sittin' up glarin' at
'em.
SsSIIor1y noifhnrf3 uyo tho Fl rcf CnI1n6
that broke the stiffness of death, and a
thud of the gold fallin' on the floor was
the second. The third was the feet Of
Tom and Bridget PATTERN as they left
the shanty.
"Now, Pat, though he was ragin',
had seen how aisy it is for gold to pass
into other peoples possession, so he
grabbed the stockin' to kape it with
i'm. Then, gatherin' the sheet about
i'm, the only garment he had to kape
out the cold, he left the shanty to folly
Tom and Bridget. 1t was the gray of
the mornin', when everything looks
loike a ghost anyway, and Bridget,
lookin' back, saw Pat maxim afther
'em, carryin' the stockin'.
"'Oh, Tom,' she says, it's comm
wild the gold! I'm goin' to faint
"'Kape up, darlin',' answered Tom,
who was loike enough to faint him
self. There's a bridge beyant. 1t can't
cross runnin' wather.'
"It couldn't be expected that Pat,
, who had been dead three days and had
nothin' to eat or drink in the mean
! time, could III as fast as them as had
| been feastin' at his wake. By the time
he reached the bridge he was played
! out and, settin' OH the rail, rested
awhile, then went slowly back to his
home. There for the first tonne he
took in the situation. The watchers
s.! were still snorin', the candles still burn
in. Pat began to feel unaisy.
SIS it dead l am? he asked him
! self. Il don't know. I'm powerful
weak anyway. III try a drap of the
| bottle. If I'm livin', I'll know it by
the taste
"Pourin' out a double dram of spir-
IFS he Swa1lVpd it.