Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1902-02-07
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"A Painters Limitations: The Patron
DO you guarantee satisfaction? The
Artist-No madam; paint likenesses.
indianapolis News
Not Their First" She - George.
DaDy has tooth. He-Has he? |
thought he looked "all cut up" about
Baltimore World.
Old Aunt (despondently)-Wel |
shall not be nuisance to you much
longer. Nephew Teassuringly)-Don'
talk like that. aunt. You know you
will!-Punch.
Fatal Accident: "rhey tell me you
broke three ribs coming across the field
How did it happen?" Il was beating
off the bulldog with my umbrella
Chicago News.
Gladys-What's become of Mabel?
Belle-She's Joined the great majority?
Gladys-You don't mean to say she's
dead? Belle-Oh, no! Married = man
named Smith.-Tit- Bits.
Hiding Himself: Friend-But VIII,
did you publish your poems under the
name of Smith? Poet--Just think how
many good people will fall under suspi-
cion.-New York Times.
Sea Waiter, what do you
call this? Waiter-Bouillion. sir. Sea
Captain-Well. well. must have sNiled
ON bouillion all my life and did not
know it.-Meggendorf Batter.
Department Store of the Future:
Wild-eyed Mani want to arrange FOR
divorce! Polite Shopgirl-Two aisles
down. This is the counter where we
marry people.-Chicago Tribune.
But | am worth million i'm my
own right!' faltered she. sadly. for she
had read that manly men abhor the
thought of marrying rich women. -!
love you for all thatw he cried, gener-
ously.-Town Topics.
There's Mrs. Merrygirl's husband
over there. Somehow he doesn't look
know anything?" Know anything. my
dear! He doesn't even suspect any
thing. Topics.
ITS time. Charles. that we thought
of getting Hilda married; she is eigh-
teen" "Oh, let her wait till the right
sort of man comes along" What non.
sense. never waited for the right
sort of man ."-Tlt-Bit
The provincial barber remarked the
sparsity of his customers hair. Have
you ever tried our special hair wash?"
he said eXpectantly. "Oh. no. it wasn't
that that did it," was the customers
crushing reply.-Tit-Bits
1t Was Great: "An' did O'Brien have
a good wake" asked Rafferty, of Mul-
ligan. Did he" replied Mulligan;
''shure,S an if he'd been aloive to injoy
it he'd thought he was havin' the
tonne of his life."-Judge.
Going Easy: He is dying very calm
ly." observed the physician. as he felt
the pulse of the sufferer 80 like
John" softly spoke the prospective
widow: "he always was an easy-going
man."-Baltimore American
Are you willing TO arbitrator asked
the employer. Certainly replied the
walking delegate, provided am given
reasonable assurance that the deci-
sion will be in accordance with our
way of thinking Chicago Post.
Papa-See that spider my boy. spin
ming his web. Is 1t not wonderful? Do
you reflect that try as he may. no man
could spin that web? Johnny-What
of 1t? See me spin this top? Do you
reflect, try as you may. no spider could
spin this top?-Tit-Bits.
Mother-1his young man has been
calling on you pretty regularly, Mabel.
Mabel-Yes. mother. Mother-Well,
I'd like to know what his intentions
are. DO you know? Mabel (blushingJ
Well. er-mamma. we are both very
much in the ark.-Philadelphia Press
Going to Extremes: Mrs. Crimson
beak-l see In the paper that woman
In looking after another woman. to see
what she had on. fell out of the win
dow. Mr.. Crimsonbeak-Well. that
only goes to show that some women In
trying to follow the styles can go too
far.-Yonkers Statesman.
IL suppose" said the physician. smIl.
ing and trying to appear witty. while
feeling the pulse OF n lady patient-T
suppose you consider me an old hum
bugT why. doctor" replied the
lady, IL had no idea you could ascertain
woman's thoughts by merely feeling
her pulse. Chicago News.
On the Anxious Seat: Returned
Trooper--Clara. you were engaged to