The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1902-10-21
THE MODERN FABLE OF WHAT
FATHER BUMPED INTO AT THE
nr-nE ArrrnDN

A Domestic Team had a Boy named
Buchanan who refused to Work, so
his Parents decided that he needed a
College Education. After he got that,
he could enter a Learned Profession,
in which Work is a mere Side-Issue.
The Father and Mother of Buchanan
sent to the College for a Bunk Cata-
logue. The Come-On Book had a
Green Cover and it was full of Informa-
ton. 1t said that the Necessary Ex-
penses counted up abou $3.50 a Year.
All Students were under helpful and
moral Influences from the Moment
they arrived. They were expected to
hit the Mattress at 10 P. NJ. while
Smoking was forbidden and no one
could go TO Town except on a Special
Permit.
This Is the just the Place for Buch-
anan," said his Mother. 1T will be such
a Comfort to know that Son is in his
Room every Evening"
Accordingly uchanan was supplied
with six Shirts, two Suits of every
thing, a Laundry-Bag, a Pin-Cushion,
a Ready-Repair Kit and a Flesh Brush
oLAu Nv" hC AONO ~ N
Learning. He wrote back that he was
Home-Sick but determined to stick out
because he realized the Advantages of
a College Education. He said his Eyes
hurt him a little from Reading at Night
and he had to buy a great many Elk
ira Books, but otherwise he was fine
and fancy. Love to all and start a
little Currency by the first Mail.
After Buchanan had been toiling up
the Hill of knowledge for nearly two
Months, and sending hot Bulletins back
to the Old Folks, his Father decided
TO visit him and give him some En-
enlargement.
The Poor Boy must be lonesome
down there among all those Strangers"
said Father. III drop in on him and
brighten him up"
So Father landed in the College Town
and inquired for Buchanan, but no one
had heard of such a Person.
Perhaps you mean Old Buck said
the Pale Youth, with an ingrOwing Hat.
IF he's the Indian you want to see,
I'll show you where he hangs out"
The Proud Parent was steered to a
faded Boarding House and found him
self in a Chamber of Horrors that
seemed to be a Cross between a junk
Shop and a Turkish Corner. Here he
found the College Desperate known as
"Old Buck" attired in a Bath-Robe,
plunking a stingy little Mandolin and
smoking a Cigarette that smelled as if
somebody was standing too close to the
Stove.
Hello, Guv,' said the Seeker after
Truth. Wait until l do a Quick
Change and VII go out and get a few
lines of Breakfast"
breakfast at , p. NJ" inquired
Father.
we had a very busy Night" ex-
planned Buchanan. The Sophomores
have disputed our Right TO Wear Red
Neckties, so last night We captured the
President of the Soph. Glass, tied him
to a Tree n beat him to a Whisper
with a Ball Bat. Then we started over
TO set fire to the Main Building and
we were attacked bv a Gang of Sophs.
Tha is how I happened to get this
Bum Lamp. Just as he gave me the
Knee, l butted hin in the Solar Plexus.
He's had two Doctors working on him
ever since. And now the Freshies are
going to give me a Supper at the Dutch
Restaurant tomorrow Night n there
is some Talk of electing MI Glass Poet.
So you see, 1 am getting along fine
you are doing Great Work for a
Mere Child" said the Parent. If you
keep on, you may be U. S. Senator
some day. But tell me, where did you
get all these Sign-BOardS, PlacardS,
Head-StOnes and other Articles of
Vertu?"
4 swip,d those replied the Colleg-
ldHs MI W bC " AOo1 "a cAN
Devil. one must bring home a few
Souvenirs every Night he goes out. If
the Missionaries did it, it would be
called Looting. If the Common People
did it, it would be called Petit Lar
ceny. But with us it is merely a Stu
dent Prank"
Il understand" said Father. Moth
ing can be more playful that to nail a
Tombstone and use it for a Paper
Weight"
would you like to look around the
Institution" asked Buchanan.
Indeed. I should" was the Reply.
Although 1 have been denied the
blessed Privileges of Higher Education,
I love to get into an Atmosphere of
fourply intellectually and meet those
Souls who are above the sordid Con-
siderations of workaday COMMERCIAL
ISM"
You talk like a Bucket OF Ashes"
said the Undergraduate. I'm not going
to put o up against any Profs. Fol-
low me and I'll fix it SO that you can
shake Hands with the Guy that eats
'em alive. I'll take You over to the Cor
raj and show you the wildcats.
They've been drinking Blood all Morn
ing and are feeling good and Cagey.
About 3 o'clock We turn them out INTO
the Arena and let them pillow up the
Turf"
rs this a College or a Zoo?" asked
the Parent
Il refer to the Squad" said Buchan-
an. W. keep about 40 at the Train
ing Table all of the time, so that no
matter how many are killed off, we
will always have IL left. We have a
Center Rush who weighs 23S and you
couldn't dent him with a Hatchet. We
caught him in the Woods north of
Town and brought him down here. He
is taking a Special Course in Piano
Music two hours a Week and the rest
of the Time he is throwing Substitutes
down and biting them on the Arm"
Buchanan and his trembling Parent
sat at the edge of the Gridiron and
watched the Carnage for a while.
Buchanan explained that it was merely
Friendly Practice.
That Evening the Son said, Father.
you can stay only a little While and I
want TO give you 8 Good Time while
you are here. Come with US. We are
going down to the Opera House to put
a Show on the Bum One of the frs.
things We learn 81 College is to kid the
Go