Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-08-28

I WAS MET BY THE MAYOR ON HORSEBACK.
had been assisted to die four weeks
previously by a band of enterpriSin
citizens. He was found with the goods
on him-that is, he was still ridin' the
stolen boss. She was a woman with
double chin, and her weight was 200
pounds AS she sat for her tintype
her eyes rolled, her bosom heaved. and
she sighed with an energy that
bumped up her shoulders. l tried to
dodge it, but was too late.
Hast thou no one to love thee? she
LOUDLY inquired as she raised her
azure orbs to mine.
NAY | said. land l do not wish to
be loved Let me have the respect of
the world for my integrity, and l am
content"
"To such a man as thee | could cling
as the tender vine clings to the sturdy
oak"
But l am not in the sturdy oak
business. My mission is to comfort
the sorrerful, cheer the discouraged
and lift up the fallen. AS sort of
side issue | run tintype outfit, keep
fightin' dog and enter my old boss in
half mile races
But your benign countenance and
fatherly tenderness have captured my
heart" she insists And she rises up
and throws herself into my arms and
bids me take her and be happy.
| lodged. and she fell to earth and
rolled over, and when she arose she
was woman scOrned. Her love for
me had fed away, and my venerable
whiskers would have been in her grasp
had 1 not spread my wings and scared
away She demanded the sum of So
for her blighted affections. and rather
than have her tip over my wagon and
characterize me as man with heart
of stone | paid it, and she retired with
the light of triumph in her eyes l was
sayin' to myself that a clear conscience
needed no lantern on a dark night
when a sinful lookin' critter with the
lust of avarice on his cOuntenance
came along and looked at my dog and
said:
Il have a. canine myself, and occa-
sionally, that his heart may be made
joyous, turn him loose
1T is thus also with me- says. but
am alus ready to back up his joyous
ness with a ten dollar bill"
II have long looked for thee will
also back the joyousness of my canine,
and we will bring the two together and
let them disport. On second thought
let's say 500"
Il seek not riches" says | as | turns
my head away, but humility must be
fed and clothed as well as luxury. III
therefore raise the ante and call it an
even $25.''
At which the man with the sinful
cOuntenance was greatly rejOiced ana
went away to prepare tog business.
That afternoon on the public square
and in the presence of an interested
pOpulace the CANNES were brought TO-
gether and allowed to disport. The
humble and peaceful demeanor OF my
dog while waitin' for the conflict to be-
gin caused many eminent citizens TO
bet ag' in him to the extent Of so. ana IL
is needless to remark that | calmly
and without undue OStentatiOn klvered
their money. The disportin' lasted
about a quarter of an hour, and there
was no uncertainties about the other
dog bein' licked. His ambition was
checked and his pride laid low, ana
when l counted up l found myself $50
ahead of the game. Thus doth integr1-
ty reward itself and virtue stand forth
triumphant l was feelin' that balml-
ness of feelin' that allus sets in after
a man has come out on top and maxim
my preparations to leave Red Hot and
Journey toward Paradise Valley, when
there came another man to detaln me.
At first l took him for Il Teller pilgrim
with mission akin to my own. In his
face there was no guile, and in his long