The Press., 1902-05-22
WHACkER y.
BILLS
! CONVERSION y
By H. Wadsworth Parker
Copyright, 1909. by
q. &. Mcclure Cor

The Rev. John Rollins did not notice
that his wife was holding out his bear
| skin coat with both hands. He con-
tinued to stare into the depths of the
open fireplace. .s
The nickel alarm clock licked noisily
on the high mantelshelf, the only
| sound in the cabin tucked under
Bilger's hill. The minute hand touch
ed -, and Mrs. Rollins eoughed apollo
getically. - -.
The Reverend John came out of his
trance and slipped into the waiting
coat. His wife cast an adoring look
up at his square shouldered six feet
one.
II hated to interrupt your thoughts,
Jack, but the stage. is due in a minute.
Were you thinking of your sermonY ).
"Not much, my girl" replied Rollins.
81 was thinking of that twenty four
mile ride with Whacker Bill, It is
honestly the worst feature of this
charge. like to go over to Las Vegas
They're friendly set, and they're al
/ q
that foul mouthed Bill, with his swear
ing at every rut in the road! But I'll
cure him yet. I feel somehow as if
I'd been sent to this place to save
Whacker Bills soul, and I'm going to
do it." '-- : -, ,4.-'z
John Rollins set his mouth in the
firm curve that his wife could remem-
Der from the old football days, long be-
fore he had taken orders in the church.
The little woman clasped and un-
clasped her hands nervously.. >.ais.
81 hope, Jack, dear, you'll be very,
very careful in dealing with Bill. He's
an awful character, they say-and"-
Eyes, he claims to be the champion
bad man of the Las Vegas valley, but
you remember a certain little sling
once did the business with another
| braggart, and I'm loading up with
stones for the same trick" ..- -,
He smiled cheerily into his wife's
anxious face, kissed her tenderly and
| crossed to the door. 80 '','1-- e. -'s
Don't worry, little woman. I@won't
hurt him or lay myself liable. toJsthe
law" .....s ss.>.,~ Inv
The Reverend Rollins threw open the
| door and gazed down the winding
| mountain street. The commotion in
front Of the postofice told him that
the stage had arrived. He stalked
down the flower edged path to meet it.
When the stage plunged and swayed
past the cabin, Mrs. Rollins waved her
hand to her husband, sitting straight
| and smiling beside the rough driver:
Then she ran into the house, where,
burying her face in her husbands big
chair, she had hearty cry. T. :Et.s
On and on swung the stage, Bill
chatting amiably of his former
triumphs when the vigilantes repre-
sented the law and life was worth liv-
ing. Nothing happened to disturb his
serenity until they had passed Las
Cruces, when they suddenly came upon
a patch of road that made the stage
jerk and plow from side to side, like
a ship in the teeth of a gale.
| What Whacker Bill said about the
road commissioners of the county
would not bear publication. " AS he
stormed and raved in the maddest Of
| profanity the Rev. John Rollins ssquar-
ed round and looked Whacker Bill fair
| ly in the eye. .........:. -,
"Here, you triangulated sine qua non
Of perambulator, shut up!'
| Bill stopped in the middle of
| mighty oath and stared at the mis-
| sionary in amazement. So preachers
lost their temper, and such quiet
chap as Preacher Rollins too!
Bill forgot the condition of the road
while he ruminated over this fact.
Then they struck an ugly stone,
mailbag flew through space, and Bill
came back to earth by most profane
route. Rollins held the reins while
Bill went back to gather up Uncle
| Sans possessions. The offending bag
went up with crash and an oath, and
Bill was following with still mightier
accompaniment of profanity when he
| felt the young missionary's grip of
steel on his wrist.
"You bifurcated prismodial of ne
plus ultra iconoclast, stop that noise
and tend to businessv'
Whacker Bill climbed into the sea,
/ without word. Rollins calmly light
ed cigar and studied the scenery, and
they rode five miles in eloquent silence.
Then Bill could stand it no longer.
| "Pardner, whar did you Farm itv'
Eat college," came the terse reply.
| ."Lordy, an I've heerd 'em tcalled
religious cemeteriesv' murmured Bill,
| and silence once more settled between
them.
| Rollins was smoking his third cigar
and feeling bit nervous as they COW
cred the last two miles into Las Vegas.
Just as they caught sight of the towns
| lights twinkling in the mist one Of the
lead horses stumbled and fell. In ten
seconds there was a mad combination
Of horses, tangled harness and profan-
fty in front of the stage. When the
damage had been repaired to steady
fire Of cuss words, Bill returned to his
post, swearing as he mounted the step,
swearing as he gathered up his lines,
swearing as he cracked the whip. Then
that calm, even voice fell upon his
ear.
''That's enough from you, you quad
rangular hypotenuse and polyhedral
old scout-you triangular, trigonomet-
rical descendant Of the antediluyian
periodw
| Bill fairly gasped. Words failed him.
One hand clasped the lines, and ythe
fingers Of the other worked nervously,
but it was not raised against his COM
panion. The latter continued to gaze
at him sternly.
"You psychological progeny Of a
NEUROLOGICAL ancestry, you zanthidium
cosmopolite, you problematical de-
scendant of decadent progenitors, I
want you to understand that when
I'm riding with you and there's any
swearing to be done will do it! You.
don't know good cuss words when you
see them.''
The stage drew up before the Empire
hotel. Five minutes later Whacker>
Bill stumbled up to the bar and asked
i haanlxflrz 4,sal hi I..s,> !.