The semi-weekly messenger., 1902-09-30

suIkinE on the bleacheries, and nobody
at the bat.-GoldsbOro Argus.
Stockton-are the officers of your
new oil company prudent and far-seeing
men, Tickertape-Are they? Why
they only own three shares each, and
we had TO pay 'em TO take them.-
Puck
a Missouri f"ymer saw in a paper an
advertisement Of a fire-escape for 81.
He sent the s. and received a copy of
the New Testament. He Indignantly
claims that he was swindled.-Knox-
Vile Sentinel.
"Everythings getting dear WHY, L
find today that even clothpi1es have
advanced in T.. ice.'' That so? My
wife viii need some of those today"
Did she tell ~ so?" NO, but she
always needs 1ings when the price
goes up.''-Phil deIphia Press
I've been two weeks trying to coax
my husband to give me $50 TO buy a new
dress" complained Mrs. Gazzam to
Mrs. Wif1es. Il never do that" What
do you do?'' Il have my new dress
charged, and leave my husband to fight
it out with the collector. r.'-Harper's
Bazaar.
4 few days ago the valued Chicago
Record Herald had telegraphic informa-
ton to the effect that President ROOse-
Welt was gOins to cut loose on his
western trip and advocate tariff re-
vision in his speeches. How does our
Chicago contemporary like the begin
ming Washington Post.
Addressing a unday school class in
the course of a talk on The Bible"
DIR. L. Benjamin Andrews, now of the
University of y -braska. paused and
put this question What is il that
men and wOme.. over all this broad
land are Teadin4 on this bright and
beautiful Sunday morning." Mr..
DOoIey.' answert little fellow, quick
as a fiash.-New York Times.
S. F. Rockefeller, a cousin of John d.
Rockefeller, is a candidate for the legis-
Iature in Russell county, Kansas. He
is making his race on an antitrust plat
form, and promises that if he is elected
he Will run his cousins Standard Oil
Company out oi he state. The majOrl-
ty of the voters Of the county, it is said,
are natives of Russia. and are standing
solidIy behind the antitrust man.
Savannah News.
There is one railroad which is without
victims On the Mexican National Mar
row Guage railroad, from Corpus Chris
ii through Laredo to the City of MeXi-
co. with it's branches amounting to
more IudH 1YZUU IIlllCS VI OpCA IOehd,
for more than twenty years no passen-
ger has been killed. Yet this road
climbs more mountains and turns more
curves than any road in the United
States.-Philadelphi Press.
Even in the old Bay state charges of
cruel mismanagemento of a great public
hospital for the insane have been BAN
died about until the Commonwealth Of
the Puritans md the Pilgrims is dis
concerted from Cape Cod to the Berk-
shire Hills, and in this case the smoke
is so thick that there can hardly fail
to be some fire. The rightful govern
ment of institutions for men and Wo-
men of clouded minds is one of the most
difficult and complicated problems of
the day.-New York Tribune.
If Mr.. Fish had not been drinking
and | had beer sober there would not
have been my trouble, and MIR. Fish
would haV- been alive and L out or
the TOonDs So spake Thomas.
Sharkey. private detective, pool-room
hanger-On and Chinatown guide, the
murderer of Banker Fish. and that
blunt sents nee contains ample material
for an eft rtiNr sermon on sobTiety- In
thirty-two woI is it tells the whole story
of one of Nel. York's saddest sensa-
tiOnS.-WiuStOr Sentinel
Notwithstanding Solomon's declara-
ton to the contrary, something new un-
der the sun seems to have originated
in Jersey City. An immense four deck
er wedding cake has been baked, to be
shipped to a former fair resident OF that
city who is about to become a bride IN
Germany. Concealed within the cake
there is a phonOgraph loaded with con-
gratuIations from the young bride
American friends. By an ingenious ar
rangement the cutting of the cake Will
set this phone graph in motion, where
upon there VIII issue forth the hearty
good wishes OF friends on the other side
of the Winston Sentinel.
Five citizen of Indianapolis have
been turned down by the local board of
health. They applied for the privilege
of keeping COWS on their premises and
their applications were rejected upon
the report of the sanitary Officer The
five citizens who have been discrimi-
mated against in this way ought to come
to Charleston. 1t is quite the style TO
keep COWS in town here; some of the
authorities holding that the smell of
the COW yard is good for the lungs and
in no way detrimental 10 the public
health.-News and Courier
The old man raised his specks and
lifted his eyes toward the ceiling. while
he uttered something between a grOan
and a grUat. We'll, now said the
editor, what's on your nina lnlS
timer Il jess bin reedin' whut Gun
mel wattersan don writ bout dem 4Od
foxes up yonder in de nOrf. WHAT do
YOU think of his picture of them?
Boss, eff de Connels kodak dIdn
miss fab an fortergraf er 'skurshum
party fun Helrs Kitchen in Souf Bos-
ton, den all I'ze got ter say am dat
I'ze pow'ful glad dere's only 400 oh de
gang dat he's er lanbastin'i i-F'ranb
l. Stanton. in the Atlanta Constltu-
ton.
The olde~t locomotive in operation
will soon be withdrawn from service
and placed in the Durham College OF
Science at Newcastle-on-Tyne. This
locomotive was built by George Stew
enson for the Hetton colliery, near Dur
+ an, and placed in service on NoVem
ber is. 1922. nearly three years befort
the first public railway in the world
was ope1ed-the Stockton and Darling
ton roaC It was designed to draw {
train of 81 tons at speed of four mile:
an hour on steep grades. and has beer
continuously operated at the Hettol
colliery until quite recently, or for near
Cn loco