Crittenden press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1879-1907, 1902-10-16
MADE THE BUTLER LAUGH.
A Hosts Strenuous Methods More Effee-
tive Than Vaudeville

tive Than Vaudeville.
"Whilc | was i'm Melbourne" said
Washingtonian who recently visited
Australia on business mission for
Philadelphia manufacturing concern,
81 was present at a stag dinner given
by an Englishman who had only a
short time before struck it rich in
the gold fields. He was middle
aged and a cockney of the cockneys.
He had been poking around the auri-
ferrous hills of Australia with a pick
for more than 20 years before he
struck the ledge that made him a
millionaire many times over.
He was a bachelor, and when l
got to Melbourne he had only recent
ly got his magnificent domicile in
running order. He had about two
dozen servants, the top man, of
course, being a Enthusiastically
grave and imperturbable English but
Ter, a fellow as stiff as a lamppost
and with about as much humor in his
carcass as a ninepin.
"The stag dinner was a pretty
jolly affair. 1t was attended by about
20 well-known men-about-town
of Melbourne, and some performers
from the Melbourne vaudeville the
aters were engaged to entertain the
guests.
"The English butler presided over
the feast with the solemn manner be-
fitting his kind The fun ran around
the table like breeze after the wine
began to operate, but nary grin
crossed the features of the naughty
butler He stood at the sideboard as
straight as persimmon tree, with his
arms folded, and his countenance
was like a mask of tragedy when the
host and all of the guests were all
but rolling out of their chairs with
laughter.
Il was sitting on the left of the
host, and | observed that the prefer
natural gravity of the butler was
grating on the hosts nerves. When
ever the laughter was at its height
the cockney millionaire would glance
up from beneath his bushy eyebrows
at the butler, only to perceive that
not so much as a muscle of that dig
nitary's facewas twitching.
"'Blime me- heard the host NUT
ter savagely to himself two or three
times, wy don't that bloomink cove
larf, y'knaw?'
even when the vaudeville people
began to execute their cutup stunts
the butler never gave the slightest
indication that he saw anything funny
in the proceedings. Finally mono
logue chap, whose line of talk was
screamingly funny, got the floor, and
it wasn't long before he had every
man at the table just rocking and
holding their sides. The host kept
his eyes glued upon the buffers face
to see if the professional entertainer
even was capable of drilling grin out
of his face. But it was no go. The
butler stood like rock. To all in
tents and purposes he might just as
well have had paralysis of the facial
nerves.
''The cockney host couldn't stand
it any longer. He jumped out Of his
chair-showing that he was just
bit unsteady on his legs, which was
natural enough, considering the way
the corks had been popping-and
rushing upon the butler and catching
him around the waist, he threw the
imperturbable servitor onto the floor,
threw open the buffers coat, dug the
fingers of both his strong, pudgy
hands into the buffers ribs to tickle
him, and bawled as he leaned over
the man:
LArf, y bloody Stoughton bot
tie, larf! That's right, larf! Larf till
y bust, y bloomink covev
"The butler, convulsed with un-
comfortable shrieks of laughter under
the tremendous tickling which he
was undergoing, yelled to be let up
before he went off into 'isterics, but
his employer went right on tickling
him withall his might until the butler
was exhausted. Then he let him up.
eli knowed hid make v larf, y
bloomer, and now that ye'ye larfed,
I'll give y rise in y'r wages said
the host, gleefully, resuming his.
chair. The butler got up and the
feast went on."-Washington Post.