The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1902-10-28

AA404A AM liza VA "A
TOO HIGH FOR THE VULGARIAN
WHO PAID THE BILLS.
Copyrighted, 1902, by Robert Howard
Russell.)
Once there vas a Husband who was
stuck on Plain Living and Home Com |
forts.
He would walk around an Angel Cake
any old Time to get action on some
Farm Sausage. He was not very strong
for Romano Salad or any Speckled
Cheese left over from Year before last
but he did a very neat Vanishing Act
with a Sirloin Steak and he had the
Coffee come right along in a large Cup.
He refused to daily with the Demi-
Tasse. For his True American the
Course Dinner was a weak Invention
of the %benighted Foreigner. When ne
squared up to his Food he cut all of
the Trimmings.
This is the kind of Husband who
Deelsshis Coat in the Evening and gets
himself all spread out in a Rocking
Chair with a fat Cushion under him.
He lives to wear old Velvet Slippers
with pink Roses worked on the Toes
and the Heels run over.
Give him about two Cigars that pull
freely and a Daily Paper and he is
Fixed for the Session.
Along about 1920. if he can connect
with a Triangle of D~essicated Apple
Pie and a Goblet of Milk. he is ready
to sink back on the Husks feeling sim
. ply Immense.
Now this Husband had a Ffreside
that suited him nearly to Death until
the Rector Half hapan 70 road fhaSa
Magazines hat tell how to beautify the
Home.
Her first Play was to take out all the
Carpets and ave the Floors maSsaged
until they were as slick as Glass, so
that when the Bread-Winner stepped
on one of the Okra or Bokhara Rugs
he usually gave an Imitation of a Play
er trying to reach Second.
He told her that he did not care 20
live in n Rink, but what he said cut
very few Lemons with the Side-Part-
per. She was looking at the half-tone
Pictures of up-to-date Homes and be-
ginning to realize that the Wallpaper,
Steel E~ngravings and the Enlarged
Photographs, of zap Relatives would
have to go.
One Day when the Provider struck
the Premises he found the Workmen
putting Red Burlap on the Walls of
Athe Sitting-Room.
Why the Gunny-Sack?" he asked.
Cant We afford Wall Paper?"
Love of Art is the True Essence of
6he Higher Life" said the Aesthetic
and she began to read a Booklet bound
in the same Paper that the Butcher
used when he wraps up a Soup Bone.
Come again." said the Wage-Earner,
who was slow at catching these Ruskin
Twisters.
'This is Art Burlap and not the kind
that they use for sacking Peanuts"
explained the Disciple Of Beauty
Above the Burlap will be a Shelf Of
Weathered Oak and then above that a
when We draw all of the Curtains and
light one Candle in here, it Will make
q Swell Effect"
II feel that we are going to be very
Happy" he said and then he went out
and sat behind the Barn where he could
smoke his Pipe and mediate on the
Uncertainties of Life.
Next Day he discovered that she had
condemned his Rocking Chair and the
old-style Center Table on which he
used to stack his Reading Matter and
keep a Plate of Apples handy.
When he entered the improved and
modernized Living Room, he found him.
self up against a Job Lot of Beauty
and 40 Mistake.
All the Furniture was straight up and
down. It seemed to have been chopped
out with an Axe and was meant &C
hold up Members of the RhinOcerIIs
Family.
On the High Shelf was a Row Of
dOuble-handed Shaving Mugs, Grip
pied Beer Stems, understood Coal Scut.
ties and various Copper Kettles that
had seen Better Days.
AT last we have a Room that salts.
fes every Craving of my Soul" saie
the Wife.
II am more than Satisfied" observed
the Treasurer. Il am delirious Will
wise Providence did not mold me int
a different Shape so that l might 81
"a down in some of these Chairs. VIVA
are those Iron Dinkuses sticking on
from the Wall?"
"Thos are FIorentine Lanterns" sh
replied. And they are very Roycraftle
even If they don't give any Light"
Next she started in on the Dinin'
Room.
Rule No. 1 for making Home NOR
Cheerful is to put in a Shelf whereve
there is room for one. After which. tn
Shelf is loaded down with Etrusca
and Antique Jugs
The lOw-browed Husband could 10
tell the difference between High Ar
and Junk
The female Bradleyite covered tn
Walls with about 400 Plates. each wit
a BLU Curly-Cue on it. They locke
very cheap to him until he received tn
Bill and then he learned hat the
were Old Delft and came to S11 apiec,
In fact. after his Wife had been hunt
nag the Secondhand Places for q Will
he learned that any Article whicr haI
pened to be old and shop-vvor1 an
cracked was. the one that commando
the Top Price.
She never let up until she had mad
the whole House thoroughly Artistic.
Her Women Acquaintance wCul
come in and she would show them II
Dark Oak Effects and the Sea-Gree
Frescoes and the Monastery Settee wit
the Sole-Leather Bottom in it and tt
corroded Teapot that she a bougl
for 500, and the Table Spread made
Overall Material with just, one Yello
Poppy in the Middle and they woul
have 81 different kinds of Duck FIJI
and say that it was Grand, and ths
her Taste was simply Faultless. Aft'
that she wouldn't care what Husbar