The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-20

wi. VuIfdu Raipn mas grievance
and the trouble is he cannot make a.
fuss about 1t. Somebody somewhere
SAID ne was not literary man. 1t is
painfully evident that it would not
DO Tor Mr.. Ralph to indite a syndicate,
letter to the papers through the As
ISOLATED Press, and says, IF / am not
literary man, what am /, and if not
why notg" That would not accord
with the modesty which is the char
| acteristic of all great men. Nor could
ne af1rm With some show of temper.
i am literary man and I don't care
who knows it," Neither would that do.
Without doubt he pondered long and
| deeply as to just what he could do
about 1T, and finally sat down, took his
pen in hand and wrote a humorous
protest to the editor of a literary re-
view, in which he leaves to the reader
to guess whether or not he is a lit
erary man. In this letter Mr. Ralph
facetiouSly remarks that he never said
he was literary man. He said he
IS reminded of the bad child that was
brought before the London magistrate,
VINO said to him: Can it be that at
your tender age you are pick
pocket? p The child replied: mo, your
worship, but | 'opeS to be-" Also of
the woman who asked one of the In
dian girls at Carlisle if she was civil
lied. The girl replied, mo, are your"
Mr. Ralph does not make the direct
assertion that he is literary, but what
is man, who is a war correspond
ent, Journalist and who writes in
nocuous little guide books, if he is not
literary? 1t will have to be left to the
discerning, who, after a perusal of his
letter, will undoubtedly believe that he
is literary man, but desires to con-
zeal iea the damaging fact from pry-
A Vicious caterwauI.
Mrs. Carrie Chapman Gait. president
OF a suffrage something, who is SO
young and good-looking that one
lmag1nes she has gotten into the wrong
crowd by mistake, is not in the least
such character as her name might
indicate. She is mild and harmless.
But recently she has been saying
faLhers severe things about the sterner
sex which leads one to suspect that
Mr. carrie Chapman Gait has been
staying out late O. nights. After fig
ufatlVely wiping up the ground with
certain types of masculinity she AYERS
that so long as girls are like their
fathers they will be silly and vain. This
IS such catfish speech that one hest
tateS to- believe that Mrs Gait was
guilty of it, and yet as it has been in
several papers It. must be so. Every
thlng In the newspapers is true ex-
eept the statements which begin: at
is well known fact, ETC." There is
something SO startling1y original about
daughters being silly and vain, like
their fathers, that Mrs. Gait is entitled
to some credit for originality, for the
idea that men are ever silly and vain
is laughable one.
Wants Some Wives.
Mr.. Stephenson, of the metropolis of
Forest City, S. D., wants wife We
are able to make this assertion with
confidence, as Mr.. Stephenson has
made his wants known through the
medium of a personal column in an
evening paper. In order to assist Mr..
Stephenson in his laudable wish, it
is mentioned here that he may have
the advantage of wider circulation. He
further states that he will be pleased
to hear from ladies whose ages range
from sixteen to twenty. There is
something little shocking in the lat
ter paragraph, in that he makes use
of the plural instead of the singular
If Mr.. Stephenson is looking for more
than one wife his notice should have
been edited before it was printed in
paper that is especially intended for
the family circle.
Joke on the Joker.
OHS OI the FUNNIEST JOKerS IN the
United States is a. facetious young
man of the name of LANCER, who lives
in. Chicago. He tried to think of the
most ,convulsing joke that could be
evolved from the mysterious depths of
the LANCER mind, so he went down
town and telephoned to his mother
that he had been killed in a street ac-
cident. No one laughed save the jok-
ing LANCER; but he laughed long and
loud and stayed away from home all
day shaking his sides at the thought of
the preparations for his funeral which
were going on tn the LANCER house
hold. Before night he had made up
his mind that Peter Dunn and George
AIDE were pale limitations of funmak-
ers compared to the irresistible Ian
ger. He chuckled and chuckled, and
not being able to longer refrain from
seeing the effect of grief upon his par
ents, went home to break the news of
his survival. When he arrived he
was promptly put in the patrol wagon
and carted away, his irate mother fail