Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1902-06-12
sToRYErrEs

bIOhhEIIES
An author who had sent his latest
effort in fiction to Disraeli received
the following complimentary ack-
nowledgement: Il thank you for the
book you sent me, and will lose no
time in reading It,"
]. Pierpont Morgan was showing
. some friends through mis- kennels the
other day. and one of them expressed
great admiration for an imported set
ter. Yes he's fine dog. His name Is
Russell Sage" How did you come to
give him that name?" We'll, he new
er loses a scent"
Are you the defendant" asked a
man In a Mississippi court room,
speaking to an old negro. mo, boss"
was the reply; Il amt done moth.
that. Use got a lawyer here who does
the defensing." Then. who are your"
Use the gentleman wat stole the
chickens"
Thomas Huxley once related story
Of a country school lad, who put the
mitral valve, so called, from its re-
semblance to a mitre, on the right side
Of the heart instead Of on the left side.
On appeal Huxley let him through,
observing: Poor little beggar,
never got them 1.-THE valves) correctly
myself until | reflected that bishop
was never in the right"
Secretary Hays poem. Little
Brooches" was frequently attributed
to the late Bret Harte. A young lady
once said to him: 81 am highly pleas
ed to meet you, Mr.. Harte. have
read all your poems. but l have en-
joyed Little Brooches the most"
Pardon me. madam" Harte is said
to have replied. but you have put the
Little Brooches on the wrong man"
On one Of his later birthday anniver.
saries. Senator Hoar wrote to William
M. Evarts and congratulated him upon
his length of years. In his reply, the
aged lawyer said it brought to mind
an old lady in New England. who had
occasion to write to a friend about
some matter of trifiing importance,
and when she had reached the end Of
the thirteenth page awakened to the
fact that she had been rather diffuse,
and added: Please excuse my Ion
gevity."
Not long ago, a constituent from
California was reciting to President
Roosevelt his list of extraordinary
qualifications for the consular berth
he was seeking, while Senator Per-
kins stood by. smiling and approx
ing listener. And do you believe the
senator will give you his Endorsement
for this placer" asked the president.
II haven't a doubt OF IT," the applicant
answered; II am quite willing to rest
my chances on what the senator will
say" Very WELL" said the president.
turning to the senator. But on one
condition" the applicant added, with
haste: II must be permitted to leave
this room after the senator"
Down on the other side Of the Rio
Grande." says returned traveller,
the best cuts of Mexican beef are
tougher than rhinoceros hide. When
| first went to Mexico ordered ten.
derlein at a hotel in Durango, but |
couldn't cut it to save my neck. told
the waiter 1t Wouldn't do, and he re-
moved il, Presently, however, he re-
turned, accompanied by the proprietor
OF the botel, and laid the platter on
the table. What's the matter With
the steak?' asked the hotel man in
Spanish. Tough. said l.; why / can
hardly stick a fork into ii. much less
knife My |ost Topped II over with
the fiat of the knife. and eyed it du.
biously. I'm sorry he said. but it's
the best in the house. At any rate,
can't take it back-its bent" ~
When the Japanese steamship
Hongkong Maru neared San Francisco,
a fortnight ago. on its return from the
Orient, its last night at sea was spent
in fog-bank between the Farallones
and the Golden Gate. The little steam
er Eureka from Kahului was In the
same fog-bank. The Eureka has a
whistle suited for dig battleship, and
all night long the big liner lodged
about under a slow bell, fearful of
being run into and crushed by the
craft with the deep-throated whistle.
When the fog cleared In the morning
and Captain Filmer saw what he had
been lodging. he tied down the Kong.
kong's whistle cord and under the
shelter of the liners defiant blast, told
Pilot Boyd what he thought of little
boats that carried big whistles.
There's a pair of wings waiting for