The Savannah morning news., 1902-08-17
AUNT MARY RUNS A FLAT,

The appearance of Teddy Breen at
the Scribblers' and Smearers' Club Gre
ated a babel Of comment.
Where in time have you been all
these months?"
Looks more as if he'd just left the
city hospital. What was it. small
pox?"
Teddy waived aside their chaff and
dropped into the nearest wicker chair.
I've been keeping house"
Tnere was a concerted rush toward
the wicker chair.
Congratulations"
Who's the luck girl?"
Why didn't you send US cards?"
shut up, will you? I'm not mar
RED. I've just been keeping house, I
tel you-with Aunt Mary"
EXpectant silence.
Il was feeling q bit down and grum-
my this spring. and the doctor assured
me that 1t was nothing but the after
effects of u succession of boarding
house meals and studio cooking. All I
needed was bracing up, with a regu-
lar, domestic existence and simple
hoTae cooking. Then thought of Aunt
Mary. USED &c visit her when was a
kid. Great on rolls, you know, and
RAS0 SA'0 AO06uAQlSs the Ulk, HulLy hluu
with powdered sugar on EN-"
Creator dyspepsia suggested
Langsing of "The Herald"
That has nothing to do with this
story" continued Breen. 'I remember
that Uncle John had left Aunt Mary in
rather poor shape financially, and l
wrote her at once. Would she come?
Well, rather, and she'd nurse the dear
boy back to health, so she would! So
I fnTniGhnH q ffaI, at
installed the old lady in what thought
was line shape.
For a few days it was lovely. She
hadn't lost her knack for making nice
messes, and after each meal l would
stop in my room, smile at myself in the
glass and pat my own back. Then"
The pause was eloquent.
''At first she thought having all the
rooms on one floor, with running water
and dumb waiter was a domestic pic
mic. But 1 found trouble waiting for
me when came home from a trip to
Philadelphia about a. m. 1t was in
the form of Aunt Mary, sitting up in
tears and a ruffled night cap to tell me
about the janitor. Hadn't / told her
that the janitor would do things for
her? And when she had asked him to
run down to Brown & Browns for one
of those bath rugs at 70 cents, marked
down from $1.23, he had refused! And
the sale would last only one day Up
in Suringvale everybody was willing
to do errands for woman of her years,
but the janitor had shouted up the
dumb waiter shaft something about
having ten apartments to look after
and then some remarks that she
wouldn't repeat for anything. Wouldn't
l talk to the janitor?
Il would, and / did. He accepted my
cigars and agreed to bear in mind that
Aunt Mary came from the country. She
never let him forget the fact.
In the meantime she made the ac-
quaintance of the lady on the other
side of the dumb waiter and they ex-
changed stewed squash for mashed
turnips the first day They must have
spent considerable time at the shaft,
because one day the janitor got impa-
tient and let the waiter drop rather
suddenly. Aunt Mary nursed her head
several days, likewise her wrath
against the janitor until the agent
called for the rent.
1.-THE first of the month we had
rev janitor, guaranteed not to drop
dumb walters in moments of absent
nlindedness. But he was a Swede,
who worried Aunt Mary by his igno-
rance of the English language When
she whistled down to know if the ice
had come he bobbed up serenely with
step ladder and the screwdriver. He
was a willing fellow, but she failed
to appreciate his anxiety to please.
"a couple of actresses had the fiat
below, and one of them had a birth
day the next night. Aunt Mary and
the lady next door held a session over
this, and sent for the agent, who
fired the actresses because it was a
case of two tenants against one.
Two days later she had a quarrel
with the lady next door, and the hall
between the two flats was cold enough
to use as refrigerator. Then came
a warm spell that nearly called out
the fire department 1t seems that
the woman across the hall heard her
bell ring and hung over the banisters
to see who was coming. Aunt Mary
had the same experience at the same
moment, and each accused the other of
rubbering at her neighbours affairs. At
the end of fofty-eight hours they de-
cided that some bill distributor must
have rung the two bells Simultaneous
ly.
But the quarrel was never smooth
ed over entirely, and the first of the
month we had new tenants next door.
There were no dumb waiter amenities
with these neighbors, because Aunt
Mary did not like people who talked
to each other from opposite ends of
the fiat and above the sound of ham
mering. When the agent came for the
rent she asked him to request the peo-
pie in the next fiat not to talk so loud,
and they thoughtfully sent her five
cent roll of cotton batting. When the
family at last moved away, because
the man got better job at the other
end of town, she wept for joy.
But she soon wept for another rea-
son. The new people were Swedes,
and while they made as much noise
as the former tenants, she could not
understand what they said. When
the agent consulted the janitor about
Aunt Marys kick against the noise,
the janitor stoutly defended his fellow
countrymen, and the gent YEARLY sug-
gested that we find "a new home, add
ing that a deaf and dumb asylum was
the only place where Aunt Mary would
live peacefully with her neighbors. Of
course, l had to thrash him after that,
though in my heart l agreed with him.
This cost me $1,000, in addition to the
expense of moving.
1--WE got a fiat three flights up this
time, and there was trouble at once
because the two pug dogs Upstairs
rooms before the family arose. Aunt
Mary declared that tag before sun-up
might be healthy, but should he per-
formed by country dogs only l gave
the dog-catcher five dollars to rope
them in because they had no tags.
Then the folks upstairs found out who
tipped off the dog-catcher and we had
to move in self-defense.