The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1902-08-01

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McTartan expanding his chest-I'm
a self-made man. Knox latter looking
the other over critically)-Your excuse
is satisfactory.
Nell-What awful table manners he
has. I think shall cut him. Belle
If he continues to eat with his knife
he will probably cut himself.
Beware" said the fortune teller, ''of
tall, dark man." "You are trying to
black male mew faltered the fair
young maid-Chicago Tribune.
Excited Wife-Wake up, Henry! The
house is on fire. Sleepy Husband
Great heavens! Now We'll have to
move again!-Ohio State Journal
Wigg-That pretty girl next door
screeches to beat the band. thought
you said she sung beautifully. Wagg-
No; said she was beautiful singer."
College Idiot Indefinitely doesn't
necessarily follow. Kind Friend-What
doesn't? College Idiot-Why, a dog
when you whistle for it.-Columbia
Jester.
The Difference: What Is the differ
ence between sewing machine and
kiss? One sews seams nice and the
other seems SO nice.-Quips and
Cranks.
Thick: Briggs4The electric light has
gone out on the other side Of the hotel
piazza. Griggs-Yes, I had to elbow
my way through the lovers there just
| now.-Life.
Reformers: "Some er de loudes' talk
in reformers," said Uncle Eben,
"makes me think Of a bald headed man
goin' 'roun' sellin' hair restorer."-
Washington Star.
Bertha-And 50 Edith has made up
with Fred? How did it happen? Con-
stance-Oh, you see, it was the only
way in which she could have another
quarrel with him.
$50 he has written a good play at
last" "Oh, no; it's very commonplace"
full Of the season." (Which proves ex-
actly what say"
Hojack-Here' IN account Of how a
man wrote a love letter and got into
trouble by it. Tomdik-I can sympa-
thize with that fellow. That's how
happened to get married.
Nellie wrote lovely poem to Ma
bel. Belief know, but she got mad
and tore it up. Nell-The idea! Why?
Belle-He headed it "Lines on Mabel's
Face:"'-Philadelphia Record. j:
Playwright-From the nature Of my
play you see it ought to close with
some line or significant act from the
hero in perfect accord with the feel
1ngs of the audience. Critic-Why not
let him heave sigh Of relief, then?
1nstructor-Lord Byron said that Ma
caulay woke up one morning and found
himself famous. What great character
in American literature is parallel to
this? Student (who had been dozing)
Rip Van Winkle.-Princeton Tiger.
At the marriage Of an Albany widow
err one Of the servants was asked if his
master would take a bridal tour.
Dunno, sab; when old missus's alive
he took a paddle to her; dunno if he
takes a bride to the new one or not"
The President-Then you don't care
to have your name mentioned in con-
nection with your one hundred million
dollar gift to our university? The Phi
nthropist-Well, you might say that
you give my name without my con-
sent.
Little Augusta was at the window.
"Oh, come quick, or you won't see it!''
she called excitedly. Hes running
away" "What is it, dear?" asked her
mother. "Why, there's a horse going
down the street with nothing on but
his tall
A Very Good Days Work: Weary
Willie-I jess put in good days work
in thirty minutes. Prayed Fagin-Ex-
plain yerself. Weary Willie-Well,
put in six pies, pan Nv doughnuts, an
fou: Jars Nv preserves. OATS a good
days work fer any woman.-Judge.
Cupid's Benefit: Celia-Oh, we had
a delightful time at Ophelia's an-
nouncement party. Delia-What did
you do? Celia-She had US submit
sealed guesses as to the man she is
engaged to; the girl who guessed right
is to be maid of honor.-Detroit Free
Press.
There is only one reason" he said.
''why have never asked you to be my
wife," "What is that?" she asked. II
have always been half afraid you
might refuse" "Well," she whispered,
after long silence, II should think
you'd have curiosity enough to. want to
find out whether your suspicion was
we'll founded or not"
Has Been.-An Englishman went into
arestaurant in Anew England town
and was served for bis first course. with
delicacy unknown to him. ii So he
asked the waiter what it was, and the
waiter replied: "It's bean soup. sir,'' !
whereupon the nglishman, IN high In
dignation, responded: 80 I z. don't. d care
what it's been;:1 want to know what it