The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-03-09

Curiosity-Mrs. Hiram Often: Dear. ]
wish you'd bring home a dozen Harvey
lied steel plates" Mr.. Often: What do
you meanr' Mrs. Hiram ofen: I'm
just curious To see what Bridget would do
with them."-Philadelphia Press.
On the Ark-"This is tough luck" said
Ham. mournfully. as he leaned out over the
side Of the ark. What's wrong now?' quer-
led Shem. why, all this water to fish
in" replied Ham. land only two fshin
worms on ~board."-ohio State Journal.
Piscatorial Delights-Mrs. Innocent:
What did You enjoy most about your fish
ing trip, DEAR Mr.. Innocent: Il got most
exited when I was rseling in. my love
Mrs. Innocent bursting into tears): ANA
to-to-th-think you. promised me y-you
wouldn't d-drink a drop."-Harlem Life.
CouIdn't Remember.
81 once started to take lessons in .memory
training"
What made you give It up"
Couldn't remember TO attend the les
sons."-Washington Times.
Expressive.
Ritter (after reading his poemo: NOW
what do you think OF IT,
Critick: well"
Ritter: "Of course. I know the meter Is
a little slow, but" -
Critick: Yes. I was going to say its feet
appear to be OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES Press
The Red Man and the Shears.
Oh. when the red man takes the chair
And bends beneath the shears.
They'll ask him how he'll have his hair
Behind his copper ears.
And when the clippers sharp he sees.
He'll quickly cry: Tut. tut.
I wish that you would give me. please.
A Paddyrootsky cut"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Routine wittici.m.
Secretary Root has a cold"
"Not deep rooted. / hope"
A Liberal Citizen.
We'll. anyway. that Detroit banker spen:
money freely"
yes. that's what the depositors regret"
Why They D~Isbanded.
That Uncle Toms Cabin Company In
which John /. Sullivan was the .Legree.'
is reported to have disbanded."
Yes. / see that John L. is credited with |
drinking all the receipts"
Perhaps he fancied that he only had 10
liquidate a single bill"
In the German Fashion.
IT see that the officers and crew of the
Kaiser's yacht are all TO be vaccinated.
That's a peculiar welcoming ceremony.
isn't ity' |
1T strikes ne 50. But. Of course. they
could give the rite Of vaccination In a Ger
man form II they so desired"
How could they"
by inocuiating the points of a pair OF
rapiers and then letting the officers take
turns at dueling until all were thoroughly |
scratched"
The Modern bandit.
First Bandit: How is the lady missionary
quoted by the %brigands' commercial agen-
cy?'
Second Bandit: II find that she is marked
'~A-I-ll-NX-ses'"
First Bandit: What in thunder does that
mean"
Second Bandit: 1T means that she can
be easily kidnapped but that the kidnapers
will be lucky II they get any ransom. There
Is a possibility that her friends could raise
but before counting on this 1t would be
well to investigate the private archives OF
the agency. That's all"
We'll. say. amt 1t Il shame?"
"Ain't what a shame"
Why. that any woman should think Of
coming out here as a missionary without
any rich friends to back her up. It's too
bad. '-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
One ChiId's Curiosity.
The child was 4 years old. logical. per-
and curious. The mother e1deav-
ored. In all possible Consciousness. never
to depart from any statement once made
the child as a fact. One afternoon this con-
versatioE occurred:
Mother. where is your grandmother
I'm heaven. dear"
Ohr'
Silence and apparent absorption in toys
for a full hour. Then:
Mother. didn't ] come from heaven
"Of course"
We'll. mother. it's awfully funny that 1
doesn't remember meeting your ndmo;h
er thcre."-New York Times.
This Is an lrreverent age" said the
man. 81 have even heard some
people intimate that George Washington
was not so great in all respects as We
have learned to consider him" Well"
Senator Sorghum. 81 never like
10 say anything about a feIlow-statesman-
But Il has always struck me that Wash
didn't make near as much money
rs a man in his position might have made"