The Indianapolis journal., 1902-10-15

To Learn to Say No q Most Desirable
Achievement.

Lady Onslow, in London Queen.
II 1 were an instructor of youth-which,
thank heaven, L am not-there is one
branch of ethics In which would endeavor
to make my pupils thoroughly proficient
l would strenuously impress upon them
how desirable and excellent a thing 1t Is
when occasion arises to be able to say
No. Such knowledge would be far more
useful as an equipment for the battle OF
life than all the accomplishments taught
at schools, or than even many practically
useful lessons.
How often have we all-or nearly all
done the things we did not wish to do,
the thing we felt was not wise. aye! and
even that we knew was not right, because
someone said DO" and it was so horribly
disagreeable to answer, II won't?" In
deed. it is to Ewes fatal facility for as
sent that we trace all the woes of fallen
humanity; and still Ewes sons and daugh-
ters plunge themselves and others into all
sorts of disasters through precisely the
same weakness, undeterred by all the SAID
examples in the history of our race; Thlnk
of the many occasions in everyday lie
when the fluent but firm denial is required
There is the begging letter-but that does
not count, for it is not the written pre-
mediated refusal that is so difficult, but
the impromptu viva voce denial, as when
an acquaintance suddenly springs upon you
a verbal invitation to luncheon or dinner
always an unfair proceeding except among
very intimate friends) and you wildly
search brain and memory for valid excuse
of previous engagement, and, hnding none,
probably in the end weakly and hyprocrit-
ically accept with every intention Of writ
ing a refusal directly you get home; or,
when someone asks you to subscribe to his
pet charity with which you have no sympa-
thy, or to take tickets for a concert TO
which you have no desire to go; when that
friend you do not quite trust urges you to
become director of a new company that,
ten chances to one, is shaky concern.
If you belong to the gentler sex there are
also the severe temptations of shopping.
when the too persuasive attendant presses
on you dear and delightful chiffons, and
you have not merely to find negative for
MIN, but to repress your own inclination
as well. All these perils we fall victims TO,
or sociable or extravagant, but because we
cannot bring ourselves to pronounce that
useful No.
OF course. most of such appeals so made
just trade on human natures well-known
weakness-that is why house to house visits
on behalf of testimonials and a personal
canvass Of the voters during election time
are so successful. That Is why the pertina-
cious office seeker generally gets what he
wants. Indeed, We have the highest of all
authorities for saying that pertinacity is a
great power.
1t is somewhat hard to define the source
of that weakness which renders nine people
out of ten incapable Of refusing a direct
appeal. but l think 1t may be traced to
vanity, one of the strongest sentiments
of our nature. The wish to stand well with
our fellow-creatures, to pose. as II were.
on a pedestal. dispensing favors to suppn-
ants, is strong in beings that have sunk
so far beneath their original status.
The art of saying No Is even more neces-
sary for woman than man; for woman
is naturally weaker, more yielding. and In
clined TO give way to the demands of 9TH
ers, and on woman's yea or nay. will de-
pend all the happiness Of her life. / be-
lieve many a woman has married someone
quite unsuited to her. and whom she did
not care for, simply because II wa 30 dis
agreeable to go refusing him. 1t is
surely very doubtful wisdom to allow q
young girl thus to have the disposal Of her
future depending on what II often hasty
mental matrimonial arrangements Of our
French neighbors are wiser than our hap