New-York tribune., 1902-03-17
THE Talk or THE DAY.

School teachers get some curious written excuses
for absence. One of them reads: Mister sir. my
Jason had 10 be late to-day II IS his biz1ess 70
milk our COW. She kicked Jase In the back to-day
when he wasn't looking or thinking OF her actin
SO he thot his back broke but II amt But Il
Is black and blue. and the pane kept him late
We would get rid OF that COW OF could. This Is
the fourth time she kicked Jase. but never kicked
him late before. So him for me- A girl
absent for half a day brought the following satis-
factory excuse: Miss teecher-My dotters absents
yesterday unavoidable. Her shoes had to be
half-soled. and she had a throte. Her kon-
stltushun Is delikit and II she is absent any more
you knew that IT IS account Of unavodabeI
sickness something else \ boy absent for half
a day laid the following explanation his masters
desk; Dear sir. please excuse Henry. He went 10
grandpapa's funeral with this forenoon. I have
been promising him for several weeks that he
might II he was good. and he has been very good,
50 l kept my word"
5S mngTy Tho h Of one Of the large
4ultsH OF Stleswoman what they charged To clean
feathers Ten cents apiece the answer
woman How many have you? Ii you S'f have '''s
sufficient num6sT, We might make reduction in
have two beds CPhiadephia Times
We recall an incident" says the Editor of "zion's
Herald, of Boston, which occurred many years
ago and which was very influential in helping the
writer 10 correct notions concerning the daily press
In a private circle Of friends. made up largely of
ministers. the daily newspaper became the sub
tect Of Conversa ton mainly OF criticism and
condemnation. Among that company was an ex-
Governor, man Of large experience In public
life. able. honored and revered, and familiar for
nifty active years with journalism Finally. after
patiently listening to the criticisms he said gently.
but firmly: Gentlemen. you are mistaken. The
public press is indispensable for the dissemination
Of Information and for the direction OF public
opinion. In the main il is right and benefcent. 1t
Is almost miraculous In its alertness in going
the bottom Of things and usually it is correct and
be trusted "
Dollar, en- a halt fer marriage license" ex-
brde-to-be: ''Lindy. does you think is with it
Well" was ne reply hit do come mighty high;
come heah wd 5oa"@CAta3ta c Constitution rS 00''e
The London News says: The old table Of the
House of Commons was rescued from the great fire,
which destroyed IN 1894. the chapel of St
stephens IL has been for the last seventy wears
reverentally preserved, and is now located In the
members tea of the House Of Commons IL
has lately been converted every afternoon into a
teatahe, and is decked with a white tabIecIoth on
which are placed hot water urn and a tray con-
tanning teaCups. The table from different sides of
which Pitt and Fox thundered and on which Burke
placed his notes when he pleaded for conciliation
with America and denounced the excesses OF the
French Revolution. surely might have been spared
such degradation"
= What's the matter with the Correspondence
Why" replied the Snake Editor. you see. sew
how to learn 10 play the COrnet, and he's dis
covered that the fellow lives next door TO him
philadelphia Press.
\ certain little Flemish watering place much
fTequented by English and American visitors has
two attractions PRESBYTERIAN church and n
roulette table At recent service In the church il
occurred To one Of the pillars that II might be
lucky TO play the number of the hymn after the ser
mon at the roulette table. So he stole out Of the
church and did 1t happened that the number
Of the hymn did turn up. and the lucky coup be-
came the talk of the village for the rest Of the
week Next Sunday the church crammed TO
the door. The pious pastor rejoiced in heart
After a powerful address he gave Hymn No.
a The moment the words left his lips, his
CONSERVATION. there a rush t0 the door, and
he was left with faithful handful upralse their
agitated strain OF praise. As for the rest they
made beeIine from the house of prayer 10 the
house of play. II is said that their little adventure
cost them all very dear
Uncle Henry So you got swlndled first thing
Ddnt tell 10 beware of strangers I'm the city7
..Iediah-Eut this chap wssr't a stranger, Unels
Henry he knew risht oif-aetua.ly called ne by
nAms.-lBostop Transcript.