The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-10-15
A Familiar Trance Medium.

getting polluted. You can't do it, I tell
you, because drunkenness is all a ques-
ton of degree. The man who takes one
nip at the red LIQUOR and thinks -'lln-
self master of the situation because ne
can walk just as straight or little
straighter than before. it's all wrong
The man who can lick up eighteen OF
twenty jiggerS every tWenty-fOuI hOufs
and yet remain in sea-going condition,
may say and believe that he never gets
drunk but he's got another guess con-
ing. -,
because I could always walk and tax
straight, because I never failed to pass
inspection at breakfast the next morn
ing that 1 wasn't a drunkard- But We
changed my mind. It, / mean the red
eye, just happened to affect me DIFF
ferently from most men. and was the
envy of a lot of ambitious booze fight
ers until I found myself out and re
formed-ny opinions.
at happened like this. One fine morn
ing my mother. who believed in me with
q blind faith almost equal to my own
handed me a check for $50 and asked
me to have it cashed during the day
and bring the money home to her Well
sc happened to be the last day of the
mOnth-pay day-and when 1 searched
myself before leaving the office had
800 of my own money and mothers $50
besides. When I'm coaled up like that
/ always drop anchor at a few friendly
ports before I fix my course for home,
and I did it this time. But first / took
mothers $50, wrapped it up carefully in
bit of newspaper and tucked it away
in my fob pocket for safety. There's
no use talking about what happened
that evening, because l wouldn't care 10
recall the details if I could, and /
couldn't. When I'm trimmed right and
the breeze is steady, l don't keep my
log book, my memory lapses and my
intellectual performances may be rep
resented as zero minus nothing. But
always go home straight, coherent as
TO my words and motions, and bearing
about me all the outward but mislead
Ing, signs of being endowed with hu-
man intelligence.
1.-THE next morning, after I had realiz-
ed by partial experiments that the hap
piest death of all must be to drown in
an arctic ocean. 1 assembled my gar
ments and searched myself again. This
is always a sad duty-the next morn
ing. I found "a cents, seven drink
checks a return card for the Alhambra
Theater, a celluloid billiard ball and the
photograph of d young lady whom I
could not remember to have met. That
was all. remembered the so wrapped
UP in the piece of newspaper, but my
lob pocket was empty and I was face
to face with the only reasonable ex-
PLANTATION of my loss, viz. I had spent
1t along with my own hundred. That's
another symptom of the sober jag
ster. l believe if I found a million dol
lars tucked away in my match pocket
1t would seem a perfectly natural mat
ter of course, because I'm always so
cool in my cups. But now I had to
explain matters to my mother. I knew
father and nv two sisters would be at
the breakfast table, and began to wish
that l was an author of popular fiction.
1t took me about 20 minutes to invent
one, but then. with a serious face q
grave good morning and much decor
UNI, l STROBE into the dining room and
sat down. After awhile mother, MOTTO
ing my unsual silence. glanced over and
said: what's the matter. Don? You
look worried
Il admitted that I was worried clear
ed my throat and with fine effect said:
Mother, I've been robbed OF course
they all looked at me in astonishment.
and came gamely up-sage to do my
little stunt l made it as strong as l
thought necessary and as I'm big
man physically and have the reputation
especially at home-of being quite a
scrapper. 1 said that three men had
waylatd me about midnight on the pre-
Vious night as I was passing in the
dark shadows of the Presbyterian
church. OF course. I had to locate the
affair in a nice neighborhood. and. as
told the story, 1 couldn't help admiring
my own ingenuity. my dramatic tones
and gestures, and the convincing plausi-
pity OF the whole yarn. caught a
flash of pride in my fathers eve as
related how I had felled the Erst rue
fin with one blow of my fist and nv
elder sister gasDed with excitement as
/ described the ferocity with which the
second robber leaped upon my back ant
tried to strange me while his comrade
searched me.
"Oh, the story and my manner of en-
acting it, made a great and instantane-
Gus nit, and when I realized what de
light / was affording them and how
perfectly romantic the whole thine
seemed to them all. I got holder anC
more theatrical; stood up and gave ar
ocular demonstration of the struggle
inducing the old gentleman to imperson-
ate me, and myself alternating as first
second and third footpad [ described
the enormous size and strength of tn.
villain who attacked me from behind
and pictured the frightened cowardI,
but sinister faces of the two Who aided
In the unequal assault
When the story was duly recited anC
acted / sat down to finish nv break
fast, pleased, must confess, with tn
looks of loving pride which thew al
gave me. But at last. with \ ve1l
natural sigh, l looked up at mother am
said: oh, yes, I was very fortunate t,
come out of it alive. The only thing I'm
sorry for is the money 1 lost. F'ort1
nately 1 left my watch in my desl
drawer at the office 1 wondered VIII,
she didn't say word of comfort abou
the fifty, but she only ratified ava
with wondering praise for my coilra gt
my NtCliACSS anu SdlQ II WAS a wonder
hadn't said anything about it when
came in. Father said he always kne,
that my boxing lessons would come il
handy some day, and advised me if eve
I had a son. to make an athlete out a
him as he had done for me. I said tina
perhaps it was just well that 1 didn'
carry a revolver because if I'd had on
there would now be three dead ruffian
on my conscience. The girls shuddere
at this horrible suggestion but I calnI
assured them that I would have though
nothing at all of shooting down a hun
bred highwaymen if I happened to hav
the weapon and the ammunition. Hav
ing added this somewhat blood-thirst
climax to my thrilling recital. I turne
to mother and said quite grandly:
But you won't lose anything bv !
mother I'll bring you home your fift
this evening.
You should have seen the stare {
ANA zad increlt1lifv tho dnn,. 81 1. !