The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-04-02

to wondering upon the problem which
my own state in the past night had
presented. Beyond a doubt my faith
in heaven had failed me in crisis. It
was useless to say that l had dreaded
parting with her. had shrunk in ter
ror from the thought of loss. absolute,
irreparable loss.
In striving to explain this cowardly
!. weakness my mind reverted to DIR.
Brett. 1t had happened that in the
early days of Amy's illness had spo-
ken of the strength of her spirit as be-
ing able to sustain her body in the
coming emergency. This had resulted
in a somewhat aimless discussion, dur
ing which the physician had presented
the stock arguments of materialism.
1t was inconceivable to me that
should have been influenced by reason
ing not only baseless, but dismally IA
milar. | could have said every word
that he uttered and could have given
him volume and page for his authority.
New views might have affected me
surely not the old and the outworn.
We had required to the subject many
times, having been much together in
those days, and as l thought upon 1t
In the library that morning the conyic-
tion was forced upon me that in some
mysterious way the man had under
mined my faith. The thought excited
resentment in me, and, though he was
not present, I sat there a long while
arguing with him, for / could state his
view at least as well as he could.
think, indeed, that my triumph was not
quite so complete as it would have been
if he personally had supported his side
of the question. 1t was a profitless
exercise, and 1 was none the better for
1t.
Amy continued to improve. We were
able to converse together, to renew our
plans. to speak cautiously of the peril
that had passed. In those days l had
once more the view of her own sweet,
simple and perfect faith. Though she
had felt herself going down into the
valley of the shadow, she had seen no
final parting. She could have said
good night to me before the long dark
ness with as complete a confidence as
ever on an evening with the next sun
six hours distant.
The relapse occurred upon the 10th.
We felt no great alarm at first.
| counted upon the strength which she
had shown upon the former occasion
and was far more hopeful. being able
! to devote myself to the duties of my
calling with some approach to the at
| tention which they deserved. | spent
| less time than formerly at her house
| knowing that she regretted my aban.
| doning of my work, and it was because
of word from her that gave the
afternoon of Tuesday following the
date mentioned above to the prepare
| ton of my Easter sermon.
| was aware of my unfitness for this
1 task. No man less than myself was
| qualified to show the light to others
for it had gone out in my hands so re
Gently, leaving me in darkness. hoped
however, to derive some personal ben
| eft from the work. 1t was my inten
ton to meet more boldly in this sermon
the arguments which l had learned tt
regard with a new adherence. Tha
they are REPUTABLE is beyond doubt.
spent an hour fruitlessly in m.
study, and then upon sudden inspira
ton went up to the room which was m.
mothers and which, since her death
had not been in USE | kindled cheer
full open fire and drew a table near t
it.
had not told any one where | wa
going, but the omission did not impress
me. | did not dream that they coul
fail to know that was in the house o
could call my name without my heal
Ing.
In the cheerful warmth of the fire
began my work. l set up first a logica
scheme upon which the discours
should be based. but it was no soone
done than my mind wandered ava
from it. found myself considering
, question that had greatly distresse
me: If Amy continued to grow worse
should we be married in that ROOF
where she lay? Would all the lon
happiness that | had planned shriv'
into a few days of despair? To tax
one hand while death held the othe
to promise her at the moment when
must know that | could do nothing f