The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1902-07-17
When Barker
Moved ~ ~
BY CLARA AUGUSTA.

the house where we lived, because the
not closet was at least two sizes smaller
than Mrs. Green's. She and Mrs,
Green are rivals. They have been rivals
all their lives. When they were girls
they both wanted the same man, and
he had to marry the Widow Bent in
self-defense. He said he felt that with
the widow at the helm he could defy
the world.
Mrs. Green lives in the neighborhood,
and she has kept Nency stirred up for
IS years. If Mrs. Green gets a new
bonnet, Nancy gets hat. If Nancy has
= fresh table-cloth, Mrs. Green has
new set of napkins. If Mrs. Green
washes four sheets on Monday, Nancy !
washes six the following Monday. And |
vice versa Yes, always vice versa.
Mrs. Green has a lawn and a back. |
ward big enough for n hen-coop. Nancy |
vowed that she'd have a lawn, too, and
backyard sufficient for two hcn-coops.
She wanted an attic. She wanted a
view of the park. She wanted to be
where she could see the reservoir pond.
She wanted back stairs. She wanted
NOuDle DdIlOIS. Olt W Ndllttei wv &C WIZ
dows in the kitchen. In fact, she want
ed so many things that we had to move.
If ever you've moved, you know what
It is.
For four days we eat on the head of
-four barrel, and our food was mostly
bakers stuff.
We had loaf of sponge cake on the
table so many times that it seemed like
an old friend. nearly shed tears when
Nancy proposed breaking it up and
converting it into pudding.
"Silas," said Nancy, the day before
we were to be loaded up, "there's the
cat to be disposed of. 1t amt lucky to
move cat, and besides a cat won't stay
in a new place unless you grease its
feet with butter and keep 1t down cellar
for at least a week. And with butter
80 cents a pound, and strong'at that,
/ don't feel justified in wasting 1t
greasing cats feet"
Good land, Nancy" said ], 81 never
could kill cat! Especially Priscilla.
Why, she's been with us ten years and
she's like human. You can't expect
me to kill her, Nancy?"
"Don't be a fool, Silas Barker" said
the partner of my bosom, with empha-
sis. "If couldn't kill cat Pd-Pd-
put my head in soak, and see IL 1T
wouldn't Timber up my brains!"
"You can kill her, Nancy" said l,
feeling a great wave of generosity
sweep over me. "Tll go down town and
see about the coal and you can fix her
while I'm gone"
"Silas Barker" said my wife, with an
air of majestic dignity, don't talk like
fool! Killing cats is outside of
woman's sphere. What did / marry
you for? Was it that I might kill your
eats for you, and"
sIt's yours" said I; sit came from
your relations over to Four Corners
and you got it to catch your mice
and"
"It's no cat of mine!" said Nancy, de
eidedly. "You go right out now an'
borrow Stacy's gun and shoot it whii'
its eating milk Shooting is the mos
humane way, they say, to Kill al cat.
Good gracious, Nancy" said l. "
haven't fred gun since 1S67--4th o
July, and she burst and blowed m
into the middle of next week, and Sc
Mendon's barn afire."
"Well, you amt going to use tha
gun" said Nancy, calmly. "Stacy's gu
is all right 1t was in the war OF tn
revolution. You go right out now an
get it, and have the business owe
When a things to be done, believe
doing it,"
When Nancy sets her foot dow
whatever she wants has to be done,
there is serious disturbance in the d
mestic atmosphere. So, very reluctan
ly, l must confess, / went over
Stacy's and borrowed his gun
''Be careful of her" said Stacy, ISL
Kicks, and she's apt to miss fire, al
then again she's so ticklish about HI
trigger that she's liable to go off al
minute without warning. You've e.
to be considerable sarcumspect wi
her"
So took the gun and proceeded
be "sarcumspect" with it. | laid it car
fully on the top of the wood pile al
called to Nancy to bring on the C
and put it on the fence so that cou
take sight at it.
Nancy got the cat, but someht
Priscilla seemed to scent mischief, a
she declined to remain to be sighted
Then | resolved to shoot her on t
wing, and as she was clawing up oN
Neighbor Jones' "short part" | seiz
the gun, and before ] could take a
the thing went off with crash tn
would have walked dead man, If
hadn't been dead so long that the
wasn't enough of him to wake. VIII
the smoke cleared away ! found n
self lying on my back in the heap
coal ashes at my back door, and
cat was sitting on soap box, washi
her feet and attending to other
tails of her toilet. There were I
guns now, instead of one, and Jon
kitchen window had three brol
panes of glass to attest to my skill
taking aim.
Nancy had pot behind the water b