Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1902-09-17

Briggs-"What sort OF fellow 10
Willowsnap| Griggs-"I don't know.
I've only seen him when he was with
his wife."-Puck.
He-"But she spends too much
money" His Wifc-"No-o, don't
think SO; but her husband doesn't make
enough."-Brooklyn Life.
Ted-"why are you so opposed to the
small families of the rlch?" Ned-"our
milllonaires haven't daughters enough
to go around."-Town Topics.
The Governess-"I know French AND
German" Mrs. UptOdate-"That
not sufficient. l want some one wi
can teach my children Scotch"
Heard In bookstore: II suppose
that work in sixty volumes is an ency-
clopedia." mo; 1t is called The Love
Letters Of Mormon Elder "-Smart
Set.
Father-"ln choosing wife, one
should never judge by appearances"
Son-"Thats right. Often the pref
test girls have the least money!
Puck.
Nervous Employer-"Thomas, wish
you wouldn't whistle at your work"
Office Boy aln't working, sir; I'm
only Just whlstling."-Boston Tran
script.
Mac-"Where is Marion these days?"
Editor-"He's out In the country writ.
ing special article on how to keep
cool In the city during the summer
days."-Chelsea Gazette.
swell, doctor, what's the matter with
me?" the Anglomaniac patient asked.
"Lumbago," replied the physician.
"Goodw "Good?" Eyes, that's what
King Edward has."-Pittsburg Chron-
icle.
"Your daughter is SO very modest,
Nine. Dupret! Her eyes are always on
the ground" Eyes, you see, her sister
found purse in the street one day,
and she hopes to find one, too!-Le
Rire.
"Your daughters taste In music is im-
proving perceptibly." said the professor.
II think 1t must be-" answered Mr..
Bllggins. "She doesn't try to play near
ly as much as she Washington
Star.
Young Man (bltterly) Oh, Of course.
You can't keep anything secret in this
town. did hope my engagement to be
married wouldn't get out just yet" His
Friend-"Why did sc. tell the girl,
thenY'-Chlcago News.
Two Irishmcn were arguing who W,
I the cleverer. "Well," said Pat, "I'll be,
you can't tell ME what keeps bricks to.
: gether." "Shure," said Mike. tits NOR
tar" mo-" said Pat, you are wrong;
that keeps them apart
Rev. Guodman-.I was surprised to
see you playing golf last Sunday. I
should think you would try to do bet
ter" Hardkase-"O!l usually do much
better. was In wretched form last
Sunday."-Philadelph Press.
Ping-"How did you come out on that
, stock deal last week." Pong-"Lo@
$500. Plng-"But thought yQMid
, =, a friend ia nha 1 gwen en liter"
Pong-"so l thought--but II -rafsses.
out to be disapp 5inter."- Chicago
Daily News.
! What makes you SO sure your COM
, position will be u hit?' asked the pub
!, Usher. Because" answered the song
!. writer, confidently, "my musical friends
say the music is trash and my literary
: friends agree that the words are tenn
myrot." Washington Star.
8 "Do you think 1t would improve my
4 style:" inquired the varsity man who
: had got into the crew through fayorit-
D ism, .If were to acquire faster
stroke?" ut would improve the crew."
replied the candid trainer, "if you got
paralytic s1oke."-Tit-Rits
= Brown-T say, Dumley. Robinson
. has threatened that the first time he
meets you he proposes to knock some
sense into you. You'd better look out
for him." Dumley (contemptuously)-
pooh! 1t would take dozen men
like Robinson to knock any sense into
me-"
Lady-"Here is cent. Now, what
are you going to do with it?" Weary
. Waggles-"Ah, mum, Ill hev ter sub
/. nit dat question to the Board Nv Di-
h rectors Nv de Copper Trust. 1t wouldn't
!, do ter dump all dis metal onter de mar
Q ket at once widout consderln' de prob
able consequences" Judge.
I A sliding scale: Lone arrival tat sum.
s mcr resort What are your terms
v hereY Hotel clerk-"Um-you Will
Q have to wait until the through express
gets in. III 1t Is loaded, our terms will
be ten dollars day. 1t is empty, we
Will pay you twenty-five cents an hour
y to sit on the porch aud look happy
l. New York Weekly.
. What It's coming to: II will have to
: have three more days out a week, and
receive my company In the parlor.'
said the cook-lady firmly. Bridget
IS replied the mistress of the house. 81
II warn you not to push me too far. YOU
II seem to forget that belong to the
J. Housewives Union, No. 17."-Ctncln
natl Commercial Tribune.
= He-'I trust you have forgiven ms
10 for not recalling your name the otheI
', evening, although l remembered YOU
Vt face perfectly" She-"Oh. yes. bit my
o name is such plain one | should thInl
you would have remembered 1t quite
10 MS readily" He-"Not Mt all; yo,
o name isn't half rs plain as-er-be,
# pardon; your face is much more arts
"a tocratic than you'll mean to say thai
10 your name is harder than-."
Coolies Do the Hard Work.