Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1902-02-15
~ Humorous Items. -

I} ~ Humorous Items. - s
~~-"~o~-~"~o-0-~-0~~-~-o-~
Our Christmas .~Unregenerate
Youth-"Pass the seedy cake" Wears
| Daughter-"1f?-If?- Unregenerate
Gouth-'1f e, don't I'll shove i'm in the
She-."He kissed me, and then he pro-
posed" He-"Man's usual fate" She
How" He-"Lost on the coral
reefs. philadelphia Record.
Ancient History.-Yisitor- Joy,
| am glad TO see that you are not at all
shy. Joy-"Oh, no; am not shy now.
thank you. But / was very shy when |
was born!-Punch.
Bill-"How long was your friend. the
artist, working on that canvass Will
Eight years. Took him six months to
paint it and seven years and a half try
ing to sell it,''-Tit-Bits.
This makes the fifth time you've
asked me for a dance. Why don't you
dance with some of the other girls?"
We'll. YOU see, | dance so badly | hate
to ask them. Detroit Free Press.
In the Steam-Heated Flat-"John.
I've just been to see the doctor, and he
says l must stay in the warmest and
most evenly heated room in the house"
Then get into the refrigerator at once"
Life.
On Their Wedding Trip. -Bride-"Dar-
ling, what caused you to pick out Mil
waukee as the end of our bridal tOur?''
Groom-"It was the fartheSt place |
could get a pass to.'-Louisville Even
ing Post.
Learning Their Ways.-''Do you think
she will ever be a great prima donna ~
Looks like it. Why, she has disappoint-
ed the public by failing to appear sew
eral times already. "-Philadelphia Even
ing Bulletin.
Wife-'T am going down town this
morning to try and match a piece of
silk Husband-"V we'll, my dear;
I'll tell the cook to save some dinner
for you, and I'll put the children to bed
myself. Tit
Great Luck.-First Guide-"I was out
with Il dude sportsman from the city to-
day" Second Guide-"So? Did you
have any luck?" First Guide-"Sure.
Amt | home again safe and sound p
Philadelphia Press.
Looking Forward. - Philanthropist -
Have you any plans in view after your
term expires, my good fellow" Convict
"A few. mum. I've got de plans Nv
four country postottices and six private
residences. Judge.
In the Gulf, Perhaps-Mrs. Nobbish-
Yes, she summered at Newport, and
now she's winterins in Florida" Mrs.
Pcppery-''Y don't say? Now, if she
should decide 70 spring in Florida.
wonder where she'd fall."-Philadelph
Press.
Bobbie-"Paw?"
Father-"Don't bother me-"
BObbie-''Ist wun kwestshun?
Eather-'Well?"
Bobbie-'Paw. is Buffalo Bill emmy re-
lashun ter Canal BillT'-Ohio State
Journal.
On the Ark.-"This is tough luck"
said Ham. mournfully, as he leaned out
over the side of the ark. What's wrong
now?' queried Shem. why, all this
water to fish in," replied Ham. and only
two fshin' worms on board. Ohio State
Journal.
Teacher-"Some one has been throw
ing paper behind my back, James, do
you know who it isf' James (whO is tho
culprit himself-'Yes. sir. but l hardly
like to tell" Teacher-"A very honor
able feeling, James, you may sit down"
-Tit-Bits.
He-"Of course, dear. III be back from
the club in time for the opera. but in
case it should turn out to BE- impossible.
I'll send YOU a note by n messenger"
She-"That's not necessary; 1t just
dropped ont of your overcoat pocket. -
Brooklyn Life.
One Of the old-time darkies, Oh being
asked how he was making out, replied
in this fashion:
well sub. times is mighty tight wild
me. but / manages ter make Twin by
doin' a little plowin' little votin'. en- a
little baptizin' ATLANTA Constitution.
4 News Average.-Hustling Editor
How many murders did the man com
mit?" Assistant-"One reporter says
three. another says FIVE and another says
nine" Hustling Editor-"Tbree, i've,
nine, Ell? Oh. we'll well have to strike
an average. Make it $50. York
Weekly.
A country doctor was once riding over
a wild stretch Of down and asked the