Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1902-01-03
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Maud-Pd hate to think that you'd
throw yourself at Fred. Mame-Why
not? He's good catch.-Harlem Life.
Parke-Wiggson married a widow.
didn't he? Lane-Yes. Parke-I Won
der how he likes her former husband?-
Puck.
Clarence-Did my proposal surprise
| you, Clarissa? Clarissa-Indeed it did,
Clarence; honestly, didn't expect to
get it without limiting for it.
Contractor-You won't sell me car
| load Of bricks on credit? Dealer-No
Me an my bricks are very much alike
We're hard pressed for cash.
Smith-What makes so many people
crazy to get into society? Brown-Well,
what makes so many other people crazy
to keep them out?-Detroit Free Press.
Husband-I wonder what we shall
wear in heaven. Wife-Well, If you
get there, John. l imagine most of us
will wear surprised looks.-Smart Set.
Phrenologist-You bump of destruc-
tiveness is very large. Are you a SOL
| dier or a pugilist? SuDJect-Neither.
I'm a furniture mover.-Brooklyn
Eagle.
"Bimber Is getting poetical. He says
there is something very rhythmical in
the click of a typewriters keys"
"Blmber has very pretty typewriter
girl" "-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
'"That great Italian tenor told me he
had a mattress stuffed full of the laurel
wreaths that have been given him."
"a mattress full? Then he ought to re-
tire on them."-Cleveland Plain Deal
er.
"She caught thief in the house and
chased him four blocks" said the ad-
miring friend. "Isn't 1t strange" re-
piled the sarcastic rival, show some
girls are always after the T-Chl-
cago Post.
"Wheeler seems to be stuck on that
new doctor of his" Eyes, he's up to
date. When Wheeler was sick in bed
the doctor said, 'Oh, we'll have you OH
your pedals again in a few days.
Philadelphia Press.
Couldn't she induce him to stay at
home" "No, not even by Offering him
all the comforts of the club" what
was his argumentW "That the main
comfort of the club was that 1t was the
club and not home"
"This gold mining business Is being
overdone," said the small speculator.
with the air Of one who knows 1t all.
"That's so," replied Sharpe. There's
one mine that Is sure to go to the wall"
"What's that" "Kalsomine. INDIAN
apolis Press.
"Now," said the doctor, "if you wish
to escape a return Of the grip, you
must take every precaution to avoid
getting your feet wet" "All right, doc
tor" said the grateful patient "Shall
wear rubber shoes when | take
bath ?"-Baltimore American.
"You haven't explained how you
came to have Mr.. Smiths chickens In
your possession" said the judge. "I'm
trying to think, yer honor" replied the
accused; "give me time" Every WELL"
replied the judge, blandly, six
months. ."-Cincinnat Enquirer.
Mamma-Tommy. do stop that noise
If you'll only be good I'll give you a
penny. Tommy-No, want nickel.
''Why, you little rascal. you were quite
satisfied to be good yesterday for a
penny" 81 know. but that was bar
gain Philadelphia Times.
'It takes all kind Of people to make
n world" said Willie Washington.
"Yes," answered Miss Cayenne. Life
is full of paradoxes. For instance,
have often wondered why 1t Is that the
freshest young men invariably make
the stalest remarks. Washington
Star.
Professor-If person In good health,
but who imagined himself sick, should
send for you, what would you do? Med"
ical Student-Give him something to
make him sick, and then administer an
antidote. Professor-Don't waste any
more time here. Hang out your shin
gle."-New York Weekly.
Solicitous: Mother-Where have you
: been, Johnny? Johnny-Down by tn
ole mill watchin' man paint pic
ture. Mother-Didn't you bother him.
Johnny? JohDny-Naw. He seemed to
be real interested In me. Mother-What
did he say? Johnny-He asked me II
didn't think twas most dinner time
and you'd miss me.-Harlem Life.
"You are convicted Of blgamy," re-
marked the Judge. impressvely. while
the prisoner glanced over his shoulder