The Greenville times. [volume] (Greenville, Miss.) 1868-1917, 1902-10-18
SLOW PHILADELPHIA
The Funny filings at the Quaker
CITY Not All Well Founded.
Business Men and Politicians Are as
Wide Awake and EnterprisIng
NJ Those OF Any Other
Great Community.

Those who have grown accustomed
to the almost proverbial expression,
"As slow as Philadelphian," have
never gone beyond the humorous con
sheraton Of the matter, writes DIR
William Ellis Things, in the Chicago
American.
The newspapers have made 1t the
brunt Of humorous thrusts, the
theme has furnished food for carica-
turists on occasions when more mo
mentous problems have lain in slum-
boring quiescence, lectuEers have
scored Introductory points about it,
and knights of the "heel and clog
have come to resort to it as a vindica-
ton when old and memorable gray
haired jokes have failed to find market
in the playhouses of the beautiful city
of homes.
So far has this over-indulgence OF
well-taken criticism extended. that one
may hear in England and as far away
as the orient, stories invested with rid
icule for patient Philadelphia, the long
suffering and never-complaining home
of as lovely and loving community OF
people as God ever made.
A certain lecturer in Scotland, COM
memorating the disposition of his fam
fly said: II have three children hv.
ing, and one in Philadelphia, Pa" A
we'll known long distance walker ath-
lete, losing the championship in .
time walk from Washington to New
York, consoled his defeat and amused
his admirers by declaring that he was
far ahead of his old-time record, when,
on arriving in the city of Philadelphia,
his feet went TO sleep. and he was un-
able to proceed further with his ac-
customed agility.
The members of fiourishing base
ball team, on alighting from the train,
each appeared armed with gigantic
alarm clock which they proceeded to
carry about the town to keep them
awake.
A still more unfortunate. but actual
occurrence is the one recorded in the
undertakers' journals that Philadel-
phia is the only city in the world en-
joying the distinction of having had
one of it's citizens run over and killed
by an uDdertaker's hearse.
Actors appease the fancy's tickle fol-
bles by informing us that they come to
Philadelphia and tell jokes one season,
returning the next to find they have
Just penetrated the slumbering per-
ceptions of the easy-going citizens.
And thus, Philadelphia becomes the
poets theme, the joker's jest, the
caricaturist's hope, while it's unayeng-
ing millions are born, live and die. in
the deepest affection for the place, un-
mindful of the thrusts, and not infre-
quently enjoying them.
l have seen consumptives deliber-
ately refuse the offer of home and COM
fort, with an almost indisputable as
surance of restoration to health and,
ertainly a longer life, in the mountainh
of the south, southwest and Colorado,
that they might remain in the city OF
their love and die tFere-seemingly
perfectly contented. In two cases par
ticularly / know that each could h@ve
had every luxury that wealthy and
anxious friends and relatives would
have rendered to go away into the
land of oxygenous air and balmy sun
shine, but they refused to leave-the
one dying when the winter came, and
the other lingering to-day, held by the
barest thread of existence that is
worse than death.
Now, there is a serious and scien-
tific side to the fact of Philadelphia's
slowness as a body of people.
1t is noticeable that the men who
control wealth, who handle great cor
porations and engage, in vast business
enterprises therein, are alive to their
business best interests, and comprise
as wakeful set of men as one wishes
to find in any municipality in the world.
This is particularly noticeable in the
political affairs of Philadelphia.
Those who engage in the actual con-
troll Of the vast city's interests take oc-
casional opportunity to assure the
world that there is nothing slow about
the politicians of that town. The voters
are just the contrary-let man in
authority betray every sense of honor
and fidelity to his constituency, and
they will re-elect him as long as he
shows his allegiance to the powers that
be. This signifies subserviency-ser
vile submission-whether it be good or
bad. The same is true in business.
While it is not done, add, to the honor
of Philadelphia business men. vet a
business man who desired could exact
almost any honest condition of en-
ployment from his hard-worked arti-
sans. and they would humiliatingly
submit to it rather than run the risk
and dread of lost position. This is
said in no disparagament-it is sim
pie truth.
Domestic Point Of View.