Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1902-06-07
WHEN JQBsoN SHORES

Il see in the paper here remarked Mr.
Jobson one evening couple of weeks ago
that woman out in Iowa has got di-
| vorce from her husband on the ground thai
his snoring kept her awake o. nights
Yes?" commented Mrs Jobson, in a non
committal tone tiiat might have meant any
| thing
"uh-huh!" said-Mr. Jobson. Must ha'
been mighty mean and silly woman, that.
She didn't want to give the man any show
at all for his taw marble Why didn't she
just give him little poke and prod him
over when he Snored so as to disturb her?'
Mrs Jobson didn't know why and SO she
didn't make spyJattempt to explain the
! Iowa woman's conduct
Surest thing iH- Iife." went on Mr.. job
| son, that man only shores when he
| lying on his back. y Ant It's equally dead
| certain that he has only to turn over on
one side and he'll stop snoring quicker n
you can say Jack Robinson. And the small
| est possible poke will serve to turn him
| over on his side without awakening him,
| too"
| .Yes?" said Mrs Jobson. inquiringly
| fes, replied Mr.. Jobson, decidedly.
ITS wonder you don't know that much
without asking me about it. I spose the
fact is that it's been so long since l snored
that you've forgotten all about it. Is that
oh no." said Mrs. Jobson, smiling; "you
| Il do, hey?" said Mr.. Jobson, bridling in
| stantly. There is not one married man in
| twenty who doesn't feel disposed to take it
| as an acute personal insult when his wife
tells him that he is so natural thing as
! snorer. We'll do l snore so as to
| bother you any, may I inquirer"
oh, not so very much said Mrs. job
| son. OF course. 1 know your snoring is
something that can't be helped, and so I've
gradually become accustomed to it, you
know"
Cant be heIped?' snorted Mr.. Jobson
Haven't / just got through telling YOU
not fourteen seconds ago, that it can be
helped-that snorings unnatural, and that
the snorer has only to be turned over on
one side when he'll quit snoring instantly;
that the only position in which human
being can possibly snore is that Of lying
upon his back? If it bothers you such a
terrific lot, why in the deuce don you ap-
ply that common-sense treatment to me-
ana nave me turn over when I'm Snoring?"
oh, I've never felt like awakening YOU"
said Mrs Jobson. And, although of
course, I've often thought of doing it, I've
thought you might resent being awakened"
resent nothing" snapped Mr.. Jobson
Il m not natural-born woman-torturer
madam. ard it's pretty nigh time you were
acquainted with that fact. If l snore in
my sleep this very night 1 want you to
promise me that you'll give me a gentle
little tap, just enough to get me to turn
over on my side, and I'll show you that I
won't awake and that L won't snore loud
enough to be heard by cricket inside of
two and half seconds after turning over
l s'pose you'll just make that little prom
Use to ME, won't you, to give me a chance
TO prove one contention to you in a life
time. anyhow"
Yes. I'll promise said Mrs. Jobson.
and that was the end Of the matter for at
least three hours-that is to say, until Mr.
Jobson got to snoring after retiring in a
manner that threatened to bring down the
plaster
Mrs. Jobson couldn't get to sleep for the
terrific noise, but she was used to being
unable to get to sleep on that account. and
she hesitated for "a long time, lying broad
s aTaRe, NO. t1 pHt into operation the little
Tor the subdQIng OF snorers
The promise she had made however and
new curiosity to- see whether the fact
that Mr. Jobson5 was lying on his back
really caused him to snore so tremendously
PROMPTED herr after about half an hour of
MT Jobsons, continuous performance to
give him the very gentest possible touch
with her thumb in his right side.
Now, Mrs Jobsoni had often wondered at
the depth Of Mr., sJobson's slumber, and
when she wanted him to get up in the
morning to aniearlys breakfast before start
ing on trips she had to shake him with all
her might and repeatedly before he emery
ed from his Mofound slumber.
But it was different this time Mrs Job
son had no sosfer given him the extremely
out a whoop that almost stopped the beat
ing OF her heart, and, then he bounded out
of bed as it he had been fireman who
had heard an alarm in his dreams He was
snorting with rage all the time, and when
he had lit the gas he walked over to the
bed and carefully examined the spot where
he had been lying alternating this with
glares of speeches. rage at Mrs Jobson
He at length found his voice. and fiercely
demanded
Madam, where is the murderous blunt
instrument with which you deliberately at
tempted to take my life less than two min
utes ago?"
BLUNT Instrument said the amazed
Mrs Jobson. "Why. I only gave YOU a
slight little touch in the side with my
thumb, as you told me to, because you
were snoring so dreadfully."
'Oh. that's it, Is it?'' said Mr.. Jobson in
little touch with your thumb. Ell? If You
haven't got sharp-pointed poker conceal
ed somewhere In or around this bed, mad
am, then I'm a lunatfc, that's all And If
things have come to such a pass that I
can't sleep In my. own house without be-
Ing drubbed and mauled and pounded and
dubbed and stabbed by a woman who can't
sleep herself she's so crazy wild to. get
my life insurance, why, them I want YOU
to understand. madam. that there are a
whole lot of other houses in Washington
and I'll arrange things so that I'll be able
to get In an occasional nights sleep ali
right, all right!''
Then he clomped down stairs in his bare
feet and slept on the lounge for the re-
mainder of the night and when Mrs Job-
son tried to awaken him for breakfast she
had to shake him by both shoulders for
fully three minutes before he opened his
ewes.