The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1902-09-14
THE MAN WHO CLIPPED.

And Home Made Stomach Bitters.'"
Then from his pocket forth he took
A pair of scissors, small,
And severed from the printed page
The helpful hints and all.
He clipped 1.-THE Way to Scramble Eggs
And How to Make Peach Butter
As we'll as half dozen more,
That's all'-again his mutter.
"a thoughtful man. at once l unused,
"A man who cares for things;
Who loves the calm. contented song
The home teakettle sings"
do you" l asked, preserve those notes
SO that your wife may eye them?'
''Not much,'' he growled. 81 cut them out
So she won't get to try them"
The son of a wealthy distiller in the
North of Ireland was upon his marriage
promoted by his father to the position of
managing director and was handed over
one of the fathers residences known as
Disti1lery House, a handsome mansion
standing in beautiful grounds, situated
about half mile from the firms ex-
tensiye works.
Some months afterward the son, being
in the neighborhing town, stepped into the
club for lunch and, meeting friend, in
vited him to join in the repast. During
the progress of the meal the young di-
rector remarked to his guest:
I'VE have been thinking of changing
the name of our residence. 1t scarcely
sounds well my wifes letters to be adj
dressed from Distillery House. Could
you suggest suitable name?"
The friend laid down his knife and
fork, thought for a moment and then
said:
Il think 1 have hit upon it. What do
you say to calling it Alec HALF
what an inquiring mind Miss Lightly
hast" exclaimed the cynic. eve were at
an Italian table d'hote last evening, and
she said, with a very kittenish air: "Oh,
did you ever see macaroni growing?
should think a whole field of those lovely
white stalks would be too awfully
pretty"
what did. you say, old MANI" said
his partner.
"oh, l Just said no, that I had never
come nearer to it than seeing bread
tree in flower"
Then the partner stepped to the tele-
phone, and they carried the cynic home
in the ambulance.-New Orleans Times
Dmocrat.
District Attorney Reeves of Los An
geles, CAL, appreciates good story, and
tells zone of an Irishman that will bear
repeating.
Some people object to releasing pris-
oners on a floater because of the fact
that the renegades are turned loose upon
other communities. That reminds me of
the Irishman who, after reaching Ameri-
ca. was full of homesick brag. in which
nothing in America even approached
things of a similar variety in Ireland.
In speaking of the bees of the ould sod
he grew especially roseate and said:
".Whoy, the baze in that country IS
twice as big as in this Indade, they're
bigger than that. They're as big as tn
shane We have in this counthryi"
Bees as big as sheep!' said his in
credulous listener. why, what kind of
hives do they have to keep them in?"
No bigger than the ones in this
country was the reply.
".Then how do the bees get into the
hives?' he was asked.
Well, replied the Irishman, 'thot S
their own dom lookout.
An intelligent looking boy walked into
a grocer's shop the other day and, read
ing from a paper. said:
Il want six pounds of sugar at 6i2
cents pound.
Yes" said Che shopman that will
be 80 cents
ELEVEN pounds of rice at cents a
pound
''Sixty-six cents"
-Four pounds of tea at so cents a
pound
1.-TWO dollars
And so he continued: give pounds of
coffee at % cents; seven tins of milk at
10 cents four tins of tomatoes at cents,
eight tins or sardines at 10 cents"
The shopman made out the bill and
handed it to the lad, saying: did your
mother send the money or does she want
them entered?"
my mother didn't send me at all,
said the boy, Selling hold of the bill.
Its my arithmetic lesson, and ! had to
get it done somehow
"My jelly won't jell," complains the
housewife.
I'm the Spanish" says the man, her
husband, thinking to take her mind off
her troubles. that sentence would be
pronounced; My belly won't HE'LL
Well sighs the woman, moodlily stir
ring again in the kettle, there are some
more things about the Spanish that this
country should have benevolently assimi-
lated. Baltimore American.
AS Elizabeth approached the mud pud-
die she noticed Raleigh christening his
mantle What is your game?" demand
ed the monarch, showing a royal flush.
ITO play the queen for all it's WORTH"
answered the courtier, laying his cloak
at her feet.
Take my hand" rejoined the sover-
eign, raising him.
Those in attendance thought that cards
would soon be out, but Sir Walter, being
promoted to command the royal yacht,
secured new deck.-New York Times.
One of the brokers who was an i'm
portant figure in recent Wall Street OPP
Il En-.k