New-York tribune., 1902-12-05
NATIONAL CAPITAL NOTES.
TBY TELEGRAPH TO THE TRIBUNE.
VA Sf,fnpfOr neCen


Washington. December 4.
WHY HEAVEN HAS ONLY ONE LAWYER
| II was Senator Platt's turn to go down before
joke to-day, and the Connecticut statesman bowed
in silence and yielded. Catching a Western sena-
tor in the cloakroom. Mr. Platt went at him Wig
| orously with objections to the admission of the
| three Territories TO Statehood.
It's no use TO talk to me- said the Westerner.
My State in the same hole little while ago.
and my constituents won't stand for the St. Peter
con game"
''The-er-what?' inquired Mr.. Platt, doubtfuny.
Never heard of that? Why. it was this way:
once upon & Te. oeboTe ] I%xe bo eot into
Heaven. Well, he wasn't much on the high notes
bored. he started see if he couldn't start
litigation in Heaven. The first man he met was
. St. Joe said he sympatheucally. you. get a
IlsfS [sOGn Ba esah nanred an raS tRe saint mildly
Why, according to legal procedure: your senior
all the little graft on the side Peter has just done
That's fact said the good St, Joseph, after
some deiiberation- So he has but how can l frame
Easy enough said the lawyer You just leave
it all in my hands. and III get out an Injunction
with due form the lawyer applied and got his
and STAYED So While the crowd outside was i'm
1nense But Peter was also next the game sno ne
secured the only lawyer in heaven. and that as he
Was entitled to counsel ne dskea , ina @ te s ne
poned until another lawyer appeared rms Vas Vas
after that no lawyer ever passed the heavenly
senator, concluded the westerner, gravely.
Don't play Peter
SENATORIAL DEMOCRACY-Those who are
wont to decry the growth OF the financial and IN
democratic influences in the Senate should treat
themselves 10 g disilusionment such as visit to
the psf market almost any market day might
furnish There. foremost among the buyers, would
be Senator Cullorn. q market basket under his arm
lyaa1 foyo Of he
smiling face. To him there is greater pleasure
than that of the market When Congress is not in
session the market loses its most interesting figure
but promptly with the opening of the session last
Monday, Senator Cullom more took up the
market duty; Almost as keen marketer Is SEN
at9r C9Gkre and 9 h ehg & of the 15 nae
applied to the market, which is commonly called
market with baskets under their arms trace OF
the Jeffersonian simplicity still remains.
UNCLE SAM FREQUENTLY IN CoURT.-were
it collected on shares, the annual won by
Uncle Sam in va ious suits would prove lucrative
for his attorneys. Despite his spirit of good nat
ure almost amounting TO long suffering. Uncle
Sam gets into court good many times year
and manages to get some pretty good verdicts.
Of course he is less fortunate in his collectons-
United States Government collected s22o879 o8 in
civil suits Judgments amounting to $oe4 l4f 3I wete
pending in the same period
q single blade of grass twenty-eight feet long by
actual measurement, Irrigation Bill' Reeder, a
Kansas Representative, arrived at the capital the
other day to continue his fight for irrigation. This
wonderful blade OF grass the property of the Con-
gressInarl is to be presented to the National Mu-
scum as a striking example OF the effect OF irri-
CATION in the short grass country OF Kansas ''1r-
rigation Biz was somewhat troubled about the
met of transporting the marvellous piece OF
grass. At first he wanted TO attach i to the top OF
the car running It out straight along the roor
Then he wanted to curl il UP in his sleeping car
berth At last he compelled to resort TO the
express. Mr.. Reeder declares that as result OF
Irrigation in his State the expression TAKE 70
the woods has been supplanted by the more ap-
propriate Back 10 the tall grass!
ON COAL BASIs.-Elliott Woods. superin-
tendent OF the Capitol, IS receiving many anxious
inquiries regarding the supply Of coal in the Capitol
bins and worried almost evaporation by
REPRESENTATIVE who said. why don't you scour
the town and buy nore?" he replied as follows:
When standing in a buffet to-day ! saw a man
order q cocktail. Having drunk II he laid q lump
of coal the bar. The barkeeper dropped II in
the cash drawer. rang up ID cents ana handeo pack
a dime. Congressman, we are on a coal basis III
Washington
FARSIGHTED PRESIDENTIAL extreme limit
Of familiar nispronunciation has been established
in Costa Rica according 10 a representative Of
that country in Washington, by an American, who
tangled himself completely in the mysterious Span
isb names This same American. on being pre-
sented to the President of Costa RCa Senior Rafael
Iglesias instantly took great liking TO the Presi-
dent and remarked TO an official later Fine cru
zen. Mr.. Eyeglasses.