News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1902-08-06

very old book, He who careth not fol-
his OWL household is worse than hea
them" When l had concluded my re-
marks. my friend John Sharp Williams
of Mississippi, one of the finest schoi
ars and most brilliant men in the
house, having graduated at or from
the universities of Virginia and Hell
delberg, came along and said, Champ,
you got your Scriptural quotation
wrong" | asked him to write it out
for me, which he did, as follows: He
that provideth not for those of his own
household is worse than an 1nhdel."
Surprising that he knew what he was
talking about, when the reporters gave
me the notes of my speech for revision,
having no Bible at hand to verify the
quotation | wrote it in as Williams
had it, Next morning when The Rec
ord appeared | was greatly surprised
to discover that he did not know much
more about it than / did and that we
each had made a bad stagger at quot
ing the book of books, for the Argus
eyed proofreader had changed it so as
to read, IF any provide not for his
own and especially for those of his
own house, he hath denied the faith
and is worse than an infidel."
Hepburns InfiammabIe Condition.
Colonel William Peters Hepburn OF
Iowa in debate is Savage as a meat
AK" In private he is amiable and likes
to borrow the words of sweet Robbie
Burns, "a rousing Wild at times to
vend"
In the Fifty-sixth congress, when
one of LIQUIDS postottice bills was
dragging its weary length along Mr..
Gardner of New Jersey, Colonel Hep
burn and myself fell into conversation.
Gardner claimed me as one of his con-
stituents because my father was born
in his district, county and township.
Hepburn said he thought l was ma
tive Mssourian. | replied: mo. l
was born in Kentucky and was never
out of that state or saw mosquito or
a steamboat until was %" The word
mosquito stirred his memory, and he
said: "When l was in the army In
August, 1868, | was detained for
week in a Mississippi river bottom
down in Arkansas. The mosquitoes
nearly ate us up. l rubbed coal oil
on myself as a preventive till l was
so thoroughly saturated with it that l
was afraid to blush for fear of taking
firer'
PIeasantries of Debate.
1t may appear strange, but it is new
ertheless true, that members who are
personally friendly take more liberties
with each other in debate than do
those who are unfriendly.
When the river and harbor bill of the
Fifty-siXth congress was under discus
sion, Mr.. Hepburn propounded the
theory that boating on the Missouri
river had dwindled to the vanishing
point by reason of what he denominat-
ed the great and unusual "slope" of
| that stream. To that theory l respond
| ed as follows:
"Does the gentleman from Iowa
| Colonel Hepburn believe that there
has been any notable change in the
| conformation of the earth's crust in
| that part of the continent within the
| last so years? Is the source of the
| Missouri river any farther above the
| level of the Mississippi now than it
was when Robert Fulton invented the
steamboat? Have the mountains OF
| Montana lifted their lofty heads any
| nearer to heaven or has the bed of the
| Father of Waters sunk any closer tC
| the center of the earth within his rec
| objection or even within human mem
| ory? Does he think that the slope
of that river is any greater now than
when steamboating was in. its palmy
DAYS and when hundreds of thousands
of passengers and countless tons OF
freight went up and down from st
Louis to Fort Benton in those gorgeous
floating palaces which were the pride
and glory Of the western country?
Does he believe that the Missouri
river slopes both ways? While
listened to his annual speech-pleasant
because an old acquaintance, familiar
to the ears as household words by rea
son of its. frequent iteration-l con
cluded that he must harbor that wilC
haIlucination; otherwise his theory o.
slopes sinks into repulsive nothing
ness, as Rider Haggards She for i
stands to reason and to nature that II
the slope of the Missouri river forbid!
boating up stream it expedites it dowr
stream, eX necessitate, and in that way
exactly evens up the whole thing.
"The Learned gentleman's theory al
to slopes is about on par with Mari
Twain's mathematical demonstration
that if the Mississippi river continue
to shorten itself for a given number o
years at the rate it has been proceed
ing on that line for the last $50 year
Cairo and New Orleans will be jam
med together as one city and the Mis-
sissippi river will stick out several hun
dred miles over the gulf Of Mexico"
Hepburn came back at me in thi
pleasant fashion:
"Mr. Chairman, venture a sugges
ton or two to the gentleman from Mis-
souri, (N1r. Clark with a great deal o
diffidence. l see that he has studied
the question of navigation and hydrau
lies and understands it thoroughly. II