Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1902-01-09

Bold and Masculine Grasp of Things"
Thereupon the Hen ruff1ed up all her
Feathers and staggered forth into the
Great Undiscovered and began to put
her theories into execution.
Her first move toward Cinching the
Glorious Crown of Success was to get
her Top Knot cut off. Then she dis
carded all the foolish feminine frills
and frivols and adopted Rational
Costume that left you Guessing wheth-
er she was Male or Female or merely
a Conundrum.
In the despised Home Days she had
had a gentle little voice that was as
cheering as the Kettle singing on the
hearth, but she forgot it and learned
to Cable in a Fog-Horn Falsetto that
she mistook for an impressive Mascu-
line Grow.
She had also possessed winning
ways that caused every Masculine
Creature to want to provide for her,
but she passed up her privileges in
favor of her Rights, when she found
out to her surprise that she would have
to Fight for all she Got.
In Business she elbowed and Pushed
her way and adopted a bold and ag-
gTessive demeanor, and a I-Know as
much-as-any-man attitude, and when
she went into the street to Trade they
picked her Fortune down to the Pin
Feathers before she knew what had
happened to her.
Socially she went in for the Jolly
Good-Fellow Racket, and while the
BOOSTERS attended to her Feeds and
prinkfests, they kept their own Pullets
safely locked up on the Home RoOsts,
for they opined that while it was Cute
to see a Pretty Female Smoking Cigar
cites, they preferred to witness some
other fellows Sister doing the Bohe-
milan Stunts.
At last it began to dawn On the Hen
that she had not won out as Handily
as she had anticipated, and she went
to the Owl and thus addressed him:
II perceive" she said, that instead
| Of raZzle-dazzling the world with my
impersonation Of Feminine Success 1
| have fallen down in it, and nothing
but my sex prevents the Audience from
bestowing Kisses and Passe Vegeta-
bles upon me. | perceived that Mas.
cuIine Creatures held all the Star Roles
and Big Pay Envelopes in Life and
determined to follow their Example
and copy their methods.
81 learned to smoke Cigarettes, al
though | abhor Tobacco, and it makes
me i'll. | learned to laugh at stories
that made the Goose Flesh rise all
over me and | discarded all my glad
rags for these Salvation Army Confec-
tions, yet it has all been N. G., and
do not understand it."
''The trouble with most females" re-
piled the Owl with great sagacity, sis
that when they start out to be Mas
culine they forget to be Gentlemanly
you were an admirable Hen, but
you are very bad Imitation Rooster,
and the reason the world will not
stand for your Crow is because it Is
not the Real Thing.
ct takes all the Gray Matter any
one Creature is liabale to Possess to
| understand her own sex, and l advise
you to return to the Graft you know
| instead of trying to break into Game
with which you are not familiar"
Thereupon the Hen returned to the
with great acclaim, and she became
celebrated as a Feminine Creature
withe a truly Masculine Intellect"
Moral: This Fable teaches that the
Woman who knows her Business sticks
to Feminine Tactics and Weeps in
stead of Vorks.-Dorothy Dix in the
New York Journal.