Connecticut western news., 1902-05-22
CHAMP CLARK STORIES
Recollections of Humorous Tales Heard In Congress.

Amos Cummlnos' Description of q Pic
 turesque Figure From the Tar Heel
 stats-Judoe Linney's Dog Story.
 virtuss of Lubrieatino oil-why a
 Darty Stole the ham-Like silas
 Weoa-oueer Fact From History-A
 spoIlsman's Speech.
 ICopyright. 1902. by Champ Clark.l
 When congress adjourned March 4, 1901, the most picturesque Republican in the Fifty sixth congress retired to private life - Romulus z. Linney of North Carolina. Linney Is a poet, phi losopher and statesman. Amos J. Cum mings, a rare judge of men, says. Judge Linney looks like a Virginian in the time of Patrick Henry"
 Amos continues his descriptio perso- na: Warming with his argument, the mountaineer congressman Is bathed in precipitation. His shirt collar wilts, and his wristbands melt. In his gesticula- tions he swabs his face with his pocket handkerchief. adding emphasis to his argument by the very swabbing. His words well to his lips seemingly unbid- den and are uttered with rapidity and precision. There are thunderstorms and vivid flashes of lightning in his speeches, but soft, tropical skies and golden sunsets follow them. Anon the atmosphere is iridescent with sarcasm. He throws pictures upon the clouds pictures that recall the pencil of Ho- garth. Finally he winds up with a terse and masterly summing up, top ping 1t off with a quotation from either Shakespeare or the Bible, gathers up his papers and resumes his seat. Then the spell Is broken. Members flock about him in congratulation, and the house regains It's eomposure."
 Amos picture Is absolutely true to nature. think Judge Linney would like posterity to gaze upon his DOT trait as thus drawn by the cunning hand of the generous Tammany brave.
 Judge Linney was a private In the Confederate army and at Chancellors- that he was honorably discharged from the service.
 Linney's Dog Story.
 In the debate on the apportionment bill I.inney was talking about the sup pression of the colored vote in North Carolina and the large Democratic vote. which he Illustrated by the fol- lowing remarkable dog story:
 'I do not know any way in the world that they got them if they did not steal them. except by some sort of leger- demain somewhat akin to a story that Captain Todd of Ashe county tells. He Is one of the wittiest men I ever saw, a man of immense intellect. but little eccentric. He told me that he had . friend In his county who had invented some lubricating oil: he said he had . favorite dog that he called Truman. One morning he awoke. and old Tru- man was climbing the nelghboring mountain. with his voice ringing out | clear. strong and musical and seeming to him to fill the whole earth. Hearing the voice of the approaching hound, he ran to the path to see him go by. He passed him like S streak of greased l lightning. The next time he came | around he ran to the path. and as he
 
 along and had almost lost his voice, and the fox was three miles ahead. So he thought of his lubricating oil. and. | said he: My friend. l caught Truman | and rubbed him all over. saturating | him all over, with the oil and turned l him loose. He climbed the mountain again with greater speed than ever and | full voice. When he came back, I went out to see him, and. by the great horn spoon. he was three miles ahead of the fox"
 This Is a dne specimen of his style | of oratory and was so rich and racy that all the members. even the south ern Democrats themselves, made the rafters ring with their laughter.
 A Queer Historical Fact.
 Linney's capacious head Is a sort of literary and historical 'old curiosity shop" From 1t he draws scraps and illustrations ad libitum that make the | members stare. Here Is one of them. In that same debate he said:
 | "There Is ore secret that the world has never found out. if read aright- It has never been known where the grave of Attila. the scourge of God and the king of the Huns, Is. AS history tells us, after the night that Attila took | unto himself a beautiful wife. Ildico. the next morning he got up dead. But the Huns adored him. They made for him a golden coffin; they incased that | golden coffin in a silver one; they then | inclosed that silver casket in an iron one. Their purpose was to. give their king. their leader, the richest burial that had ever been given. They placed that casket In the hands of a few captives whom Attila had in his charge. They charged those captives with the delicate task of placing that casket, that rich casket, at a place and in a way so that 1t could never be known, promising them their ransom | to wit. their liberation-shouid they execute this direction successfully. | 'The poor captives bore away the | golden casket and came back rejoic- Ing. expecting to be liberated, but their tyrant masters slew them, and the fact as to where the grave of Attila Is con- stitutes the worlds secret, never, prob | ADly, 10 De kuOWn.
 Llnney's Negro Story.
 1 A few minutes after that strange his torical tale he told this negro story: "Gentlemen of the house. wat mighty poor once and am still poor. had a big hog weighing TOO pounds and . hungry negro stole a lam. went for him. AS I was out of meat, was bound to get 1t back. Finding thu negro whom knew to be the culprit I said to him, How did Tou get fl therer He replied: 'Mr. Linney. yo' had better ask me why-why l stol' the ham. I was hungry; that is why LInney Follows sIias Vegas Example
 Still further along he indulged il some philosophical reflections and. lik'