davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19


Miss Mary LittelI OF Opelousas
spent several days this week here,
visiting friends.
The t:an who is looking foF
trouble never has any trouble i.
finding it.
There are a couple in this tow
who have concluded that one cat
live cheaper than two and have de-
cided to become one.
At Petersburg. KY. eggs are
selling at 20 cents each but it
place OF the usual white and yellow
filling the contents of each egg is
good moonshine whisky, Uncle
Sam has a strong force of men
out hunting for the hen that laid
these eggs.
The four nations which have
been most prominent lately are
coronation. Carrie Nation, assasi-
nation and vaccination.
From present indications we be-
!;eve a certain Lafayette belle has
'ost her heart and the young man
that finds it will receive hand
some present.
Everything seems to be getting
higher and higher, and it costs
more each year to live; but then
it is worth more each year to be
living.
1T a man wants to find out when
he young man proposes to his
daughter let him chalk the par
Ior carpetand then watch the knees
of her lovers trousers.
STRAW hats and summer supplies
Of all kinds for men at schmulen's.
"A Lafayette girl offered to toss
a coin the other day to see il she
would marry the young fellow who
had proposed to her. but he did
Mt have the coin.
<Some elegant spring and sum-
mer patterns and a choice line Of
linen goods at Schmulen's.
1--WE carry the best shoe on the
market Tor the money at Schmu-
lens.
The reason why some people
have money to burn is because
they don't burn it.
Poverty is usually a crime re-
sulting from laziness and punisha-
bic by hard labor.
The north pole is like a woman*s
pocket. We all know where Il :
ought to be, but none Of US can
lind it.
III girls don't marry some men
Eor their money we do not kaew
what they do marry them for.
Mrs. Bier Of Abbeville was in
terred in the Jewish cemetery
here on Wednesday. Aprii 10.
She was 81 years old.
The best Of everything can be
|ound at Schumlen's.
Our line Of clothing is complete.
We ~an cot th> caoc< s,.A:.1:>.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19

A young lady writes asking US
at what age girl should marry.
The best information we can give
her is parsonage.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19

A little cash is a great thing t,
promote the course OF true love.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19

A Lafayette man caught hay
fever by kissing a grass widow
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19

A woman does not always need
a broom to make sweeping statej
ment.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19

Miss Mary LittelI OF Opelousas
spent several days this week here,
visiting friends.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19

For years past many Of the
leading periodicals and newspapers
have been discussing the proper
age to marry; but in spite Of all
the flowery arguments and elabo-
rate calculation to the contary
the proper age to marry continues
to be when you feel like it and can
properly arrange matters.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19

Our line Of clothing is complete.
We can suit the most fastidious.
or fit the hardest to fit. See our
stock before you buy your summer
suit. Lafayette Clothing House. :
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19

The Cumberland Telephone Of
flee will be removed to the seconc
floor OF the Lacoste building.
1t is not the boy who tries tc
make the greatest display OF him
self and his knowledge while i'll
company that makes the creates
man. All great things grow noise
lessly.
A Lafayette girl is devoting 3
larg portion Of her time reading
fiction. She gets about eighteen
PAGES from her lover every other
mali.
Those people who borrow their
neighbor's paper certainly glory il
the freedom Of the press.
All there is in being a skillful
financier is in knowing how to let
others make money for you.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19

The May festival to be held un-
der the auspices OF the Episcopal
guild Friday. May and. promises
to be an interesting affair. A lot
Of children are being drilled for
the May pole dance. and good
music and other entertaining fea-
lures will be provided for the oc-
casion. !
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19

The tean who is looking foF
trouble never has any trouble i.
finding it.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19

All kinds of Lumber, Sash
Doors, Blinds and Builders
Hardware.
Wagons and Buggles, the
very latest and best always
in stock.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19

There are couple in this tow
who have concluded that one cat
live cheaper than two and have de-
cided to become one.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1902-04-19
VOrdenbaunen
Lumber Co.,
= Limited
-Deaers in

@Dealers in
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
Pats Trouble.

Pat had come over to America with
the expectation of finding money lying
around loose, only waiting for some
one to pick it up. OF course this was
long ago. Pat had soon become disil-
lusionized and was always glad to get
hold of odd jobs which would net him
a little something to help him keep
body and soul together. Finally, be-
coming tired of the struggle, he de-
cided to end it all and was very indus
triously tying rope around his waist
when his landlord happened in on him.
After watching him curiously for a
few minutes he asked:
whats up, Pat? What are you try
ing to do?'
'"Troyin' to choke meself, av coorse,"
was Pats answer.
'Choke yourself? You can't do 1t
that way. You'll have to put the rope
around your neck"
"Sure an thried thot, but l couldn't
breathe. New York Times.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
A Spiny Monster.

For sheer ferocity of appearance, I'M
redeemed by any milder facial attri-
butes, lizard called after 'Moloch hor-
rid king" Moloch horridus is pre-emi-
nent among reptiles. The body of this
Australian reptile is so covered with
spines that, as it has been put, nature
seems to have endeavored to ascertain
how many spines could be inserted on
given area. But, unlike it's tutelary
deity, who seems really to have spelled
himself Molech, the lizard does not de-
mand the blood of children. 1t is, in
deed, vegetarian and only fiery in that
it has a curious faculty of absorbing
and drying up water. A specimen
placed in shallow dish was observed
to attract the water like a piece of
blotting paper.-We stminster Gazette.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
SWIM MERS' CRAMP.
1t Is Not So Very Dangerous If the
Victim VIII Keep Cool.

If swimmers could be trained to keep
cool under all circumstances, there
would be comparatively little drown
ing among bathers and summer pleas
ure seekers. Cramp is usually assigned
as the cause when some good swimmer
browns. But cramp ought in reality to
be nothing serious. Usually is affects
only an arm or leg or maybe only a
hand or foot. Any moderately good
swimmer can keep afloat with one arm
or even without the use of that, yet
good swimmers drown often as a result
of cramp. If such fatalities were ana
lyzed they would be more properly
classed as drowning from fright and
loss of nerve. This comes from the fact
that every one is taught in childhood
to fear the water and comes as
grown man and a swimmer to fear
cramp. The average opinion is that
the man who is attacked when swim
ming in deep water is as good as
drowned. Therefore when a swimmer
| feels leg or arm begin to cramp he is
| frightened in most cases entirely out
| of his wits. He loses his head, begins
| to splash and paw and struggle and
| then goes down.
| What the swimmer should remember
is that he can keep afloat with very,
! very little effort if he will turn on his
back and keep his chest inflated. 1t is
the simple matter of floating, which
every swimmer knows and finds very
easy. If the swimmer will keep cool
and float the cramping limb will fire.
| quently relax after little and he will
find himself as well as ever.-Outing.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
SIGHTS OF OLD PANAMA.
City Once as Beautiful as Any De-
picted In Stored Romance.


Following the English style, dinner
Is a full dress and ceremonious affair
After dinner comes the promenade
along the esplanade, a charming walk
around the old battery overlooking the
prison, says the Catholic World. Our
way borders the sea; behind us lies
the city, with its Moorish towers, its
red tiled roofs; back of it rises Mount
Ancon; to our left is the little Indian
hamlet Of La Boca, at the mouth of
the Rio Grande, and the green hills of
the Andes in the distance; along the
horizon oceanward stretches the bay.
What words can describe it? A study
in color as the rays of the setting sun
turn to crimson, green and gold its
islands; the stately palmetto trees that
fringe its banks, the white beach and
far away the ancient towers of San
Anastasius, sole landmark of the once
beautiful city of old Panama.
The story of this beautiful city, old
Panama, reads like one of the ro-
mances from the arabian Nights that
so delighted our childhood. Its houses
of aromatic wood, hung with costly
tapestries, adorned with paintings and
sculptures that a king might envy;
its 800 magnificent churches, with their
services of silver and gold, their fres-
Goes of pearls and precious stones; its
pleasure gardens; its broad driveways,
chief of which was the kings high
way, over which the royal horses bore
the treasures to Puerto Bello and the
ships ready to sail with them to Spain.
Into the midst of this Asiatic splendor
came Morgan and his buccaneers, and
this struggle, one of the most memora-
BILE on our continent, the first of white
against white, led to the destruction of
the flower of Spanish chivalry and the
capture of Panama. So pass the glo-
ries of the world
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
FLOWER AND TREE.

Salpiglossis is a pretty, snowy an
nual, easy to raise and worthy a place
in the garden.
The birch grows farther north than
any other tree. Next comes the ST.
berian larch and then the fir
The dark spot in the center of bean
blossom is the nearest approach to
black that occurs in any flower
Sundowers may be transplanted quite
easily if the work is done on a rainy
day or in the cool of the evening.
Preserve green lawn in the center
of the garden, however small. This is
needed to set off the flowers and for
purposes of relief.
Mignonette is so unobtrusive that it's
presence is often betrayed by its sweet
scent merely, but a large bed of mi
gnonette should be in every garden.
Dissolve fresh lime in water, allow
sediment to settle and saturate earth
in which small, white worms have
been noticed with the clear solution
thus made.
That sit is never too late to set out
roses" is a true word about gardening.
But 1.-THE earlier the better, so long as
the frost is out of the ground" is a
maxim no less worthy of dependence.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
On Sure Ground.

A well known artist overheard a
countryman and his wife ridiculing
his picture, which represented a farm
scene. He was so indignant that he at
last interposed with the remark:
''That painting is valued at E100.
Allow me to ask if you are familiar
with works of artg'
''Not very familiar with art" replied
the farmer. but l know something
about nature, young man. When you
make a COW that gets up from the
ground by putting her fore feet first,
you do something that nature never
id."-London Answers.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
pLAcEso PRESCRIPTIONS.
tn old Doctor Tells a secret of His
Profession.

Profession.
Never tell a patient that there is
nothing the matter with him. said the
old doctor, who was revealing the Sc
crets of his profession. IF you do, you
patient, who sends for another doctor.
Give him something, if it is only flavor
ed water, If the disease is only imagi-
nary, cure the imagination with q
harmless dose, and your patient gets
well. In the profession we call such
prescriptions 'placebos,' and more won
derful cures are effected by placebos
than the world wots of. SO, also, when
you run across a patient who an
nounces the first thing that he cannot
take certain sorts of medicine, don't
tell him he must. Agree with him and
give him the medicine, if he needs it,
in disguised form.
"There are thousands of people who
labor under the conviction that they
cannot take quinine and will tell you
that they have never taken it in their
lives, while at the same time they may
be taking large doses of it. The taste
of quinine is hard to disguise, but if
administered in pill the patient can
be made to take it and never suspect
what he has swallowed. The trouble
is the patient is apt to recognize a
quinine pill by its appearance to sus-
pect, bite into the pill and thus dis
cover your ruse. TO obviate this diff
Guilty druggists now have pills of qui-
nine made in odd shapes and colors.
Pink pills, containing nothing but qui-
nine and little harmless coloring mat
ter, are favorite form for use in cases
where an antiquinine crank has to be
indicated. In giving a placebo it is not
wise to have it taste too well. The pa
tent is apt to suspect if you do. And
be sure that you gravely impress upon
the patient that only teaspoonful is
to be taken at a time and that at stated
intervals. The whole virtue of a place
DO exists in the solemnity and impor-
lance with which you surround it,
New York Press.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
KILLED THE SPIDER.
Deadly Influence of Small Magnet
on the Insect.

An experiment made by q scientist
to test the influence which q magnet
will have on a spider is Of interest.
The magnet employed was small
steel one of the U shape, the legs of
which were about two and q half
inches long by one-half inch wide and
one-siXth of an inch thick, the distance
between the poles being about one
quarter of an inch.
Having noticed small spider active
ly running along his armchair, he
brushed it off upon the carpet, where
it began to run, but was somewhat i'm
peded by the roughness of the fabric.
He now slid the magnet along the car
pet, following after the spider, till the
ends of the poles were within a quar-
ter of an inch of it. The animal, with
out being touched, almost instantly
stopped, and on withdrawing the mag
net the spider continued on his jour-
ney.
The experimental then placed the
magnet within half an inch in front of
the spider, and, withdrawing it slow
ly, the latter followed it in every direc-
ton which the magnet took, both in
straight and circuitous routes.
Gradually, however, the spider be-
came SO strongly magnetized as to be
immovable for several minutes, the
magnetic influence seeming to lose its
further power. On withdrawing the
magnet altogether the spider began to
recover somewhat
The scientist ultimately placed a
tumbler over the spider and the mag
net, covering them both completely
and at the expiration of several min
utes the spider, after a struggle to es-
cape from the strong influence which
! dead.-Exchange
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
CATCHING A THIEF.
an Old Method Utilized by German
officer In China.

officer In China.
Thirty dollars was stolen at the Of
fcers' club in Tientsin, China, and the
members of the club resolved, if posi-
bic, to catch the thief.
A German captain volunteered to
manage the affair, and the first thing
he did was to summon all the native
servants of the club. He then said to
them:
"Some money has been stolen here,
and am looking for the thief. l shall
find him in an hour, not before, since
need that much time in order to get
instructions from a celebrated magi-
clan in Germany"
An hour later all the servants were
again summoned, but this time into
dark room, in the middle of which
stood the table on which the money
stolen had been laid.
Each of you, now" said the officer,
''must go up to that table and press on
1t first your right and then your left
hand, and when that is done you must
raise your two hands over your head
and step into the next room"
The servants did so, and as the last
one stepped into the adjoining room
the officer followed him, and after
looking for few moments at the many
uplifted hands he pointed to one man
and said, you are the thief" The
Chinaman to whom he pointed nearly
fell to the ground with fright and adj
mitted his guilt and promised to make
restitution.
Very simple was the method adopted
by the officer for discovering the Gull
prit. While the native servants sup
posed that his spirit was in Germany
in communion with the celebrated ma
gician he was carefully smearing the
surface of the table in the dark room
with fat and oil, which he then black
ened by means Sf soot The innocent
servants naturally pressed their hands
on the table, according to his instruc-
tons, but the culpriG though SUPER
| stitious, did not do so.
| AS a result, while the uplifted hands
| of all the others We're coal black, his
were of a natural color, and thus his
guilt was clearly proved.-Detroit Free
Press.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
Iinnerinn Summer Colds.

Don't let cold run at this season.
Summer colds are the hardest kind
to cure and if neglected may linger
along for months. A long siege like
this will pull down the strongest con-
stitution One Minute Cough Cure
will break up an attack at once. Safe,
sure, acts at once Cures coughs,
colds, Group, bronchitis, all throat
and lung troubles. The children like
it. Bronson & Lighthall. Broderick
& Walker.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16

Ancient Trades Unions.

Seven thousand years ago there were
trades unions in Nineveh and Babylon,
and so strict We're their rules that in
some cases the penalty of death was
inflicted for infringing them. Each
mans work was strictly defined, and
even the number Of hours that he was
allowed to work was stated in the
charter of his guild or union. Later
exactly the same state of affairs ex-
listed in Pompeii, and inscriptions have
been discovered stating specific APP
pointments of officials to trades unions.
The most powerful of these appears
to have been that of the Fishermen's
guild
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
The Word FIattery,

At first sight there would appear to
be little connection between fattery
and the wagging of a dogs tail, yet
in nearly all the northern language the
same word signifies both, and fattery
is certainly derived from the word sig
nifying to wag the tail. In the old
Norman f1agra signifies to fatter and
also to wag the tail. In Danish logre
is to wag the tail, and logger for cen is
to fawn on one. In Dutch vleyden is
to 1atter and vleydsteerten is to wag
the tail. In the old German wedeln
is to wag the tail, and in English
wheedle is to gain ones end in fiat
terry.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
and the Northern Pacific Railway
MONDAY WEDNESDAY and FRIDAY
SUM MONS.

State of Montana, Count of Flat
head, SIS.
In the Justice Court of Kalispell
Township, before M. j. Sullivan,
Justice of the Peace.
Lyons Mercantile Co. a corpora
ton, plaintiff, VS.. A. j. Briggs, de-
PENDANT Alias Summons
The State of Montana to the above
named defendant, Greeting:
You are hereby summoned to APP
pear before me at my Office in Kalis-
pell, in the county of Flathead, on
the goth day of September, 1902, at
10 o'clock a. m, in an action brought
against you by said plaintiff to ans
wer the complaint of the above nam
ed plaintiff.
The said action is brought to re-
cover Judgment for the sum OF
forty-one 90-100 dollars for goods,
wares and merchandise sold
and delivered to the defend
ant by the plaintiff at the spe-
cial instance and request of the de
PENDANT, between the first day of De
cember, 1901, and the first day OF
June, 1902.
And you are hereby notified that II
you fail to appear and answer, judg
ment will be taken against you ac'
cording to the complaint.
To the Sheriff or any Constable OF
Hn1y
service and due return thereof.
Given under my hand this 4th day
of September, 1902.
M. J. SULLIVAN
A Justice of the Peace of said Town
ship.
F. H. Greenman, attorney for plain
tiff.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
orcbard Park Addition.

Forty acres of choice fruit and gar
den land adjoining the plated por
ton of the city, for sale in tracts o.
from one acre up. Rich soil, goo6
drainage, excellent water, beautifully
located. An ideal place for home
Prices within the reach OF all. Easy
terms.
Apply to the Conrad Nationa
Bank. or of J. B. Gibson, room 25
Conrad Bank Building.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
Nothing Wasted.

A Scottish farmer when going. to
market, it was observed, always took
a hen with him in his trap. The reason
was never known until one day he took
a friend with him on a drive. Every
place the farmer stopped he put the
nosebag on his horse, and then the hen
was so trained that what dropped from
the horses bag the hen would pick up,
so there was nothing wasted.-Pear-
sons Weekly.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
Deceptiye.

"Dey oughter pass a law" said Hun
cry Higgins, nursing his leg, ''ter COM
pei people ter call DER dogs be appro-
pirate names"
'Wot's de matter nowY inquired
Dusty Rhoads.
"Why, woman down de road said
if didn't git out o. her yard she'd call
called Fido, and Fido didn't do a ting.
He was big brindle Chicago
Tribune.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
Good Intentions,

"Don't trust too far to yoh good In
tentions," said Uncle Eben, unless
yoh has skill back of 'em. Good in
tentiOns satisfies de man what has
'em, but dey is de ruination of a heap
of choir music. "-Washington Star.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16

The records left by the Ph9nicians,
Assyrians and ancient Persians show
that among all those nations the use
of perfumes was very common.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
A "Bird" Anyway.

Mrs. Spenders-That's what call a
"duck" of a bonnet.
Mr.. Spenders-Yes? I'd call it a 'pel-
ican."
Mrs. Spenders-A "pelican?"
Mr.. Spenders-Yes; on account of the
size of the bill.-Philadelph Press.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
A RuftonIess Cont.

as there any kind of coat that never
has any buttons on it," asked a mis-
sion teacher of class of newsboys.
Eyes, SRA coat of paint" was the
instantaneous reply.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
A Deep Thrust.

Miss Kutt-I see Miss Gadsby has a
new gown.
Miss Snarl-I presume it is cheap
looking affair.
Miss Kutt-Rather. It's off the same
piece as your new one.-Ohio State
Journal
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
Both Suited.

"Grymes and his wife quarreled for
How did they settle it?"
Easily. 1t was Enthusiastically
Life.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16
His Firm Belief.

Willie-Pap, what is the difference
between frmness and obstinacy?
Father-Merely a matter of sex, my
son.-Chicago News.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16

Patriotism is not the mere holding
of a great flag unfurled, but making it
the goodliest in the world.--W. ]. Lin
ton.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1902-09-16

Wanted-Man to take contract to
deliver 1000 cords of slabs from the
Northwestern saw mill into town.
For further information call at the
town Office. -