The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-07-25

~S%0~
II wonder why senators scrap?
And other members noses do slap
Over honor all covered with moss.
There's none to be seen,
On the surface | ween,
Though l cannot account for the loss.
Il wonder why senators abuse?
The ones they're unable to use,
Because of their temper so hot,
There's none can define
Why pom honor they whine,
When so little is shown or the spot
81 wonder why senators smile?
Over dignity they can't beguile
When they're rowdies at best.
Meath the surface so slick,
Opened bare they are sticks,
For their records will tell you the
rest"
When the big prize fighters git to-
gether out in Frisco, they will have
that all-important question of question
able honor ter settle. an while so i'm
portant a question is ter be settled they
ought ter be given the use Nv the Uni
ted States senate chamber ter scrap in,
as that seems ter be a place where a
fight can be had at the drop NV the hat
or a word" said Uncle Bill as he
squared off at a picture of Fitzsim-
mons. which the editor had hanging in
his office.
Time there" exclaimed the editor;
don't you go to knocking out that pic.
ture."
Gosh durn my buttons, I've been in
suited by that picture a squarin' off at
me like that, an if Fittzsimmons thinks
he can lick me let him step down an
out Nv that picture said Uncle Bill as
he made a grab for the picture with the
remark, "Ill shake the daylight out uv
him cause the honor Nv Shake Rag is
at stake when a pictur' like hat stands
in a menacin' position at one of NV its
citizens" and as he made another grab
at it the editor in reaching for him
caught hold of his shirt, pulling out
enough of it to wave as a flag of truce.
81 always respeo a flag NV truce re-
marked Uncle Bill, whose fury seemed
to have abated somewhat; but" he
continued, "when they wants ter settle
q qutollOh Nv hOllol IOl Vli Noii oh ohN
NV the three BIS. Bill, Bailey or Bever-
ege. Beverage scraps with his CAB
Bailey with his fists an I'll fight eny
burned ole way, jest so | can vindicate
my honor"
THE scrap in the senate reflects dis
honor upon the whole body said the
editor.
What does a gentleman care about
A. 1.nIN.~, h. h.;-o1 ,rNp W.
else, so'st he a make people believe
he's got enough honor ter fight about
himself. Now Senator Bailey has got
some honor hid away up his coat sleeve.
but not e%noughter keep him from dis
honoring the honorable body that he's
a member NV. These 4 dare yer te,
knock a clip off NV my shoulder fellers
amt the kind NV people ter represent
the dignity Nv this great nation NV ours
no how. They have ter keep quiet when
they are in a bar room or they'll gil
thrown out; the dignity NV the place
exacts it, an why shouldn't the United
States senate do SOP" asked Uncle Bill
THE United States senate does not
countenance such rufianism," suggest
ed the editor.
mo; it does not countenance it. but
allows it all the same. When Tillmar
an McLauren come ter gether there
was a terrible ~clashing NV honor what
no one had been able ter discover be-
fore. They were suspended long enough
ter let each one Nv en- nose around
leetle might ter see whittier they could
find eny honor what had gone astray,
such honor ought ter have a label or
it. so'st people could tell what they've
rubbed up against when they meets 1t
but they've had so much NV such con
duct that it might satisfy the most uy
the senators ter let Jeffreys an Fittz
do a little strugglin' in the chamber
fur honor said Uncle oill.
ct is hard for some men to contro
their tempers," remarked the editor
land that probably accounts for Mr.
Bailey's display in the senate"
"a Teller what can't control his owr
temper hain't got no business tryin' tel
control enyone else's in the United
States senate at least. These fellers
are both hero worshipers providin
they can be the heroes. Bye an bye
Teller ter be a senator will have tel
qualify as a prize fighter first, an ever
at that ! believe that if we'd introduce
a few prize fighters into the senate thai
a hull lot NV senators could learn man
ners from the 'pug-uglies;' at least they
could learn how ter scrap without
calm each other names" And us he
wandered out the door he made 9
sweeping gesture and said: "Feller citi'
zens, the dignity Nv the United States
senate must be reclaimed an main
tained.'