Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-05-01

The Old Lady Gin railway carriage,
i object to smoking! The Navy
Quite right, mum. It's bad habit for
ladies' O your time O. life.-Tit-Bits.
Natural Enuogh: Doesn't the so
prano's voice sound metallic to you?"
Yes; but then. you know, there's mon
ey in t."-Philadelphi Evening Bulle-
tin.
Mrs. Stubbs-But. John how do you
know that Welsh rarebit is going to
disagree with you? Mr. Stubs (sad-
ly)-I-I have inside informatlon.-C
cagO News.
ST. Peter-Well. sir, what have you to
say about yourself? The Newcomer
regret to report st. Peter-Why.
it's Kitchener! Come right in. General.
Coast Seamens Journal.
Appropriate: Shopper-But aren't
these hose rather loud? Clerk-Yes.
Sir; they are intended only for persons
whose feet are in the habit Of going to
sleep.-Chicago Daily News.
Visitor to the Prison. suppose this
life Of yours in here is a continual tor
ture? Conviction, no. not so bad as
that We don't have visitors every day.
you know.-Boston Transcript.
Just the Trouble: Newspaper Artist
Officer. this is outrageous! You know
l was only sketching that parade. Pc
liceman-Thot's what Dim arristin' yez
fer, young feller-fer drawin' a crowd.
Judge.
us he really such an expert stenog,
rapher? EXPERIENCES Is no name for
1t. Why. just for practice he actually
took down church sewing circle dis
cussion without missing a word."-
Chicago Post.
That Black Eye: Friend - Hullo,
Moike! Phwat's tn matther wild yer
eye? Mike-Sure, it's in mourning.
Friend-Who fer? Mike-Hooligan.
Twas he thot hit me. an his funeral
Is o-morrer.-Judge.
His Style: Shopman-What style of
hat do you wish. sir? Cholly-Ah!
am not particular about the style;
something to suit my head. don't ye
know. Shopman-Step this way and
look at our soft felts.-.ritB Bits.
Little Pitman TAT the pantomlme)-
Aa's come all the way frac Dorm. and
cannot see a happorth O. the stage. Big
Woman-Hoots! Ye little foaks is aalis
growlin' Just keep your eye on me.
and laugh when Aa laugh.-Tit-B
Enthusiastically Speaking: Little
Elmer (who has an inquiring mind
Papa, where do those pessimists that
we are always reading about live? Pro.
fessor Broadhead-On an island of ego
tism. in the midst of Il sea of VICE.
Smart Set
Good News: Stage Manager-Mr.
Heavy, you will take the part of Alon-
20. Mr.. Heavy have never seen this
play. Do you think can please the
audience in that part? Stage Manager
Immensely. You die in the first act
Tit Bits.
A Phenomenon Of Sleep: He had
come on her doing in hammock. and
when she woke up she accused him of
stealing kiss. "Well." he said. II
will admit that the temptation was too
strong to be resisted. ! did steal one
little kiss" "One! she exclaimed in.
dignantly; II counted eight before
woke up."-Household Words.
YES" said the old doctor, you
should try to have your own carriage,
by all means. Because when you want
to get to q patient quickly" oh"
interrupted the young NJ. d.. 81 don't
think any patient who sent for me
would be likely to die before reached
him." mo; but he might recover be-
fore you got there. Philadelphia
Press.
Rev. Goodley-Do you think you OBJ
serve the Sabbath as you should? jig
gaby-Well. | usually spend the day
quietly at home. Rev. Goodley-Ah!
but do you never go to church? Jigga-
by-No. However. we have stained
glass windows in our library, and they
afford sort Of church effect while |
read my Sunday paper.-Philadelphia
Record
Mrs. Strongmind-As the editor of a
great newspaper and leader of public
opinion. | hope you take some interest
in the subject of the emancipation Of
woman. Great Editor with enthusi-
asm)-Indeed. l do, madam. l have
lust this moment finished a two-column
article filled with anathemas against
tight lacing and heavy skirts.-New
York Weekly.
First American-Have good time
abroad? Second American-Fine. |
travelled incog. Went where pleased.
and escaped the vulgar curiosity of the
gaping crowd. First American-Eh?
How did you travel? Second Ameri-
can-Incognito | said. didn't let
'em know | was rich American. Just
pretended l wasn't anybody but an or
binary. English lord.-New York
Weekly.
A Great Success: The Medical Ex-
peft-l'm sure your bnby shows what
our modern methods will do Did you
follow my directions? Mother-Oh.
YES. First skinned the milk and ad
ded two parts of hygienic water and