Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1902-12-29
TOPICS OF THE TIMES

S~>>>&Ssees~>>'ssse>ar>esSs ssSSSS
John Mitchell, whose salary is $1,S0(
per annunl, is to have it increased by
The United Mine Workers. Perhaps they
fear he may strike.
Officials of the agricultural depart
ment say there is absolutely no truth
il. the detailed reports of the effect OF
borax as a preservative upon the hui
man system They also announce that
none of the preliminary statements OF
the investigation will be authoritatively
discussed In advance of the official re-
port.
The Philadelphia Press suggests that
the Monroe doctrine isn't going to hurt
Ianybody who doesn't monkey with it,
lOtherwise nations may find it to be a
lbuzz-saw.
The Kansas state medical board
found an alleged doctor at Cofheyvile
who asserted that the human heart
beats LOO times a minute. that people
\
there is disease called "engenderment
of the BRAIN" accompanied by "twit-
/ tling" in the brain. The man was prac-
|ticing neutrality-suspicious. on any
body HE could get. But he isn't now,
/ Admiral Frank Wildes, in command
of the Asiatic squadron, has been con-
ldemned for physical disability by the
naval board of medical survey and re-
llieved from duty. On his return to this
country he will be placed on the retired
list.
/ Congressman RUPERT, of New York,
tells of constituent of his who is never
known to work. He is most accom-
plished and dignified "panhandler" and
for many years has managed to wheedle
| a fairly comfortable livelihood out of
his good-natured and less impecunious
acquaintance. Not long ago he al
lowed Bacchus to get the better of him
| one evening. the result being his arrest.
Next morning the judge asked him his
Occupation. "Must T tell?" said the
prisoner. you must was the magis-
trate's reply. This was rather poser,
but the prisoner knhw he must classify
chance of being sent to Jail as va
Igrant. "Your honor" he finally said,
with great solemnity, II am trimmer
|of Christmas trees. work the day be-
fore Christmas every year" The origi-
nal idea won him his liberty.
President Mitchell is ready to lead
the mining forces in West Virginia in
new struggle.
The Rev. G. W. Smith, OF Culver.
Ind, has discarded the ministerial garb
for the uniform of policeman. Does
this indicate what is most needed In the
Hoosier state?
In the Atlantic Monthly for January
among the notable articles are 1.-THE
Contribution of the West to American
Democracy''-the ideals and the civic
achievements of the pioneer--by Fred
|erick j. Turner; "The War Against Dis
ease" by c. E. A. Winslow,-an account
of the long battle of science against
epidemics; w. j. Henderson's "The F'u-
ture of Orchestral Music,"-a paper
giving especial reference to the recent
compositions of Richard Strauss; and
II. Brimley Johnson's informing letter
on England in 1902.
Jinmy-Pa, I wish I could be a pr
rate and sail the Spanish main and
scuttle ships.
Mr.. Scrimp-Well, you just take this
scuttle and sail downstairs and pirate
some coal from Pardce's bin.
-Tit-Bits.
Every barber In the country is going
to turn over new leaf and hereafter
use clean towel on each customer,
So it is announced, and the millennium
Is to come also.
The shortest railroad in Missouri is
the Rock Port, Langdon & Northern.
whose line extends from Rock Port to
Langdon, distance of eight miles.
Even the natives are unable to take it
seriously, and they irreverently call the
one engine that pulls its trains pea
nut roaster." Last week the engine was
laid up for repairs, and, as the roads
were muddy, the peanut rooster" was
missed AS might have been expected,
an editor, who is a director in this
shortest of short lines, took advantage
of the opportunity to point a moral.
Much sport Is made Of the peanut
roaster,'" he observes, 'but it is great
Inconvenience when it doesn't run"
'I don't doubt but that the readin' of
it's all right" said the customer, "but
1t amt the book I'm lookin' for-the
cover don't suit me-"
my dear sir" said the bookseller.
will you kindly describe just the book
you're after?"
"Well, to be plain with you, want
a book that'll do to put in a handsome
new house!''
Atlanta Constitution.
Dutch fishermen make astonishing
catches by means of a very simple ex-
pendent. They put a number Of live
worms and insects into bottle partly
filled with water, which is then secure
ly corked. The bottle is dropped into