davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
When Reptiles Ruled a World.


There was time sin the wide re-
volving shades of centuries past" when
our globe was wholly in the possession
of walking. swimming and flying rep
tiles Being the dominant type, they
divided naturally into three great
classes. In the oceans they became gi-
gantic padding enaliosaurians; on dry
land, or, rather, wet land, for the whole
face Of the globe was doubtless a
quagmire at that time, they became
monstrous erect dinosaurians, some of
which had legs fifteen feet or more in
length; those which inhabited the re-
gions of tie air were the terrible flying
pterodactyls.
For a vast but unknown length OF
time these awful creatures literally
ruled the earth. Finally after they had
'seen their day they began to grow
less and less. One by one they died
out in the face of the younger and more
vigorous fauna until at the present
time only a few miniature elligators
and crocodiles and few toy snakes
remain as reminders of skulking liz
ards and geckos and of the enormous
reptilian types that once crowded land
and sea.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
Geese That Lay Golden EGGS.

Once upon a time there was pro-
moter who owned common, everyday
goose who laid the usual, ordinary
goose eggs. He conceived the scheme
of syndicating the goose on gold egg
basis and proceeded to do so.
He informed the trusting public that
soon his goose would lay an egg of
gold each day and offered for sale
stock in the Golden Goose Egg COM
pany, limited, at bedrock prices. There
was a wild rush for the stock, and the
promoter suddenly found himself
wealthy.
He continued to sell the stock as
long as there were buyers, for he did
not want to kill the goose that laid
the egg. His goose continued the same
ordinary fowl as before.
Moral-There are featherless geese
that lay golden eggs.-New York Her
aid.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
Minister'S Maids.

''Are you minister's wifeW was
query encountered so frequently by
young matron in search of maid that
she scented Il story.
''Why this mania to live under the
droppings of the sanctuary inquired
the matron or words to that effect.
Then it appeared that the minister's
family is considered most desirable
place because of the opportunities for
witness fees in wedding cases. There
are few bridegrooms who come with
out a witness to be married who will
not bestow a generous tip upon the
girl who furnishes this small but nee
essary feature of the ceremony.-New
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
Christmas Weather.
CHRISTMAS IN SERVIA.
A Santa Claus Who Receives Pres
ents Instead of Giving Them.

Santa Claus Who Receives Pres
ents Instead of Giving Them.
In Servia they keep Christmas eve
in a somewhat peculiar way. The ia
Their of the family goes into the wood
and cuts down a straight young oak
choosing the most perfect he can find
He brings it in, saying, Good even
ing and happy Christmas" to which
those present say, MAY God grant
both to thee, and mayest thou have
riches and honorv Then they throw
over him grains of corn. Presently the
young tree is placed upon the Goals,
where it remains until Christmas
morning, which they salute by repeat
ed firings of a pistol.
The national dish in Servia Els pork
The poorest family in Servia will pinch
themselves all through the year so as
to have money enough to buy q pig at
Christmas. Skewered to a long piece
of wood, the pig is turned over blaZ-
ing fire until cooked, the guests watch
ing the process with increasing inter-
est. After dinner stories are told and
songs sung. Santa Claus, who, in the
person of an honored guest, is present
to receive instead Of to give presents.
departs, after the feast, decorated with
a long ring of cakes around his neck
and laden with such gifts as his
friends can Observation-Disclosures Amer
lean
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
The Wrong Rox

Immediately after a wet.G.aG
took place in Washington !. oes,
started for South Africa, whore l.
NAMED more than year. On his
turn, says writer in Harper's Ma.
azine, he was given q dinner and wore,
evening clothes for the first time since
the wedding.
In the midst of the evening, FUN
bling in his waistcoat pocket, he as
tonished himself and his friends by
pulling out hundred dollar bill
Where had it come from? A sudden
thought flashed across his mind.
The next morning he went to the
clergyman who had married his
friends.
do you remember marrying Mr.. Ar
mitage and Miss Bently about q year
ago."
"Oh, perfectly" replied the clergy
man. Il see them constantly at my
church."
SWELL will you pardon me if l ask
you a delicate question in strict con-
fidence. How much did you receive
as your fee?"
81 will return frankness with frank
ness" returned the clergyman, smiling
whimsically sit was the strangest
fee that ever came my way. After
the ceremony the best man, with pro-
fusion of thanks, slipped into my hand
a small silver of plug tobacco wrapped
in a wad Of paraffin paper"
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
The ORIGINAL Wedding Cake.

Our wedding cake is the remains of q
custom whereby a Roman bride held in
her left hand three wheat ears. and
many centuries later an English bride
wore on her head q chaplet of wheat.
The attendant girls threw corn, either
in grains or in small bits of biscuit Or
cake, upon the heads of the newly mar
ried couple, and the guests picked up
the pieces and ate them. Such was the
beginning of the wedding cake. which
did not come into general use until the
eighteenth century and was then COM
posed of solid blocks laid together and
iced all over with sugar, so that when
the outer crust was broken over the
brides head the cakes inside fell on
the floor, and they were then distrib-
uted among the company.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
Grit In the Eye.

A useful hint was given the other
day by a physician who removed Il
piece of grit from patients eye. The
accident had occurred at the beginning
of a railway journey lasting some
hours. Another time when you are
troubled with grit in the eye" said the
doctor, don't attempt to get it out. but
just cover the eye with your hand to
keep it closed and blink away as hard
as you can with the other till the grit
is dislodged. This hint WAS given to me
by a commercial traveller and how it
acts is more than | can tell you, but it
does, and that is all that matters to
the sufferer"
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
UNPARALLELED Generosity.

Town Councilor-Haye you heard,
Mr. Skinfint, that oar generous towns
man, Mr.. Muller. is defraying the cost
of q new promenade all round the
town? We think wealthy man like
yourself might also do something for
us.
Skinhint-Well, what do you say to
my giving you a park Of oak trees?
Town Councilor-Oh. you noble heart
ed philanthropist! Why. do you really
mean to-
Skinfint-Yes. yes; I'll make the
town a present of an oak forest. You
have only to find the land. and will
supply you with as many acorns as
you may want for seed.-Chronik der
Zeit
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
The Bubble Reputation.

The Governor-Colonel. don't you
know Judge Blank? Shake hands with
him.
The Colonel-Ah, you are Judge
Blank of Blankville?
The Judge-Yes; Blankville is my
home
The Colonel-Of course l know you
by reputation then.
The aforementioned, don't you
know it always makes me feel mighty
uncomfortable when man says that
about me-that he knows me by repu-
tation?
The Colonel-How is that, governor?
Why should it make you feel uncom-
Portable?
The Governor-Because, by lingo, l
always wonder which reputation he
means.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
ON CHRISTMAS GIVING.
The Problem of Choosing Suitable
Presents at YuIetide.

Presents at YuIetide.
For melancholy proof of mans genu
inc incapacity we have but to turn to
the belated creatures who at Christmas
time write daily to the newspapers for
advice. Like Emerson. they feel that
a present is due" to somebody, and,
like Emerson, they are puzzled what
to give"
There is something really pathetic in
a letter from a "class of boys" who
want to be told what they shall give
their teacher. He is thirty years old.
they say, and remarkable mathe-
matician." Perhaps some shadowy de-
sire to make the punishment fit the
crime prompts this last bit of informa-
ton. But it is matched by schoolgirls
who write: What is a nice present
for Il teacher? She is a foreigner and
teaches a foreign language. She is
very dark and has a somewhat impa-
tient disposition" THE Heir of Red
clyffe" would seem an excellent present
for this person, if only she We're able
to read it. But the editor is perhaps
unaware OF the Improving CudrdCleF
Of Miss Yonge's stories. He has moth
ing more appropriate to suggest than
a gold pen or piece Of statuary
neither of which is warranted q cure
for Impotence.
A married woman complains mourn
fully that she has to give a present to
an old gentleman of eighty-two who
has everything he wants" 1t never &C.
ours to her for a moment to spare him
the added possession of q something
he doesn't want. The utmost length
her ingenuity can so is to write to a
newspaper for advice. Another woman
feels moved to send "some useful trifle''
to missionary, and young man, who
signs himself Jasper, has q painful
emergency to face. Il know two sis
tiers who are nearly of an age" he
writes. 81 wish to give them both
Christmas presents. Ought l to send
the same thing to each? Their tastes,
I believe, are different. | know one
Of the young ladies much better than
her sister."-Agnes Repplier In Lippin-
colts.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
would Give Him a Lesson.

A reporter who is the father Of
year old youngster met his pastor on
Sunday afternoon
''Why weren't you at church this
morning." was the first question of
the spiritual adviser.
II couldn't come was the answer.
81 had to stop at home and mind the
baby. Our nurse is Ill"
That's no excuse" said the pastor.
ct isn't? Well, next Sunday III
bring him to church with me and see
how you like it."
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
A Simnle SY-Stern.

Teacher-In what year was the bat
tie Of Waterloo fought?
Pupil don't know.
Teacher-Its simple enough if you
only would learn how to cultivate arti-
fetal memory. Remember the twelve
apostles. Add half that number to
them. That's eighteen. Multiply that
by 100. That's 1900 Take the twelve
apostles again. Add a quarter of their
number to them. That's fifteen. Add
what you've got. That's 1915. That's
the date. Quite simple, you see, to re-
member dates if you will only adopt
my system.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
The Shifting Snake.

A snake found in Africa is called the
splitting snake by the Beers. 1t is be-
tween two and three feet long and is
especially bold and active. readily at
lacking every one who approaches it.
In confinement it is very savage, open
ing it's mouth and erecting it's fangs,
from which the poison may be often
observed to drop and even sometimes
to be forcibly elected; whence the
name given it by the Beers
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
Making Sure.

This hunting story comes from Scot
land: When the beaters came out of
the covert, one OF the guns said to the
keeper, Have you got all your beaters
out?"
Aye said the man. astonished.
"Are you sure? Have you counted
them?'
Counted them?' said the keeper.
FAYE, they're all right
Them said the shooter, with a sigh
Of some relief, Il have shot roe"
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
Sources of Alcohol.

Some terribly potent liquors, it is said,
can be distilled from the innocent look
ing banana and also from the milk of
the cocoanut. The japanese make
flowers Of the motherwort and the
peach. The Chinese produce several
qualities of spirit from rice and peas,
all of them intoxicating. besides which
they can make an alcoholic drink from
mutton.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05

One Of the sea captains in the en-
;.loy of Stephen Girard had a rural
Yankees fondness for whiting with
his jackknife and on one trip sue
ceeded in getting away with large
part Of the rail, although, feeling that
he was not without the artistic sense,
he really regarded the rail as greatly
improved in appearance. When the
vessel came to Philadelphia, Girard
went aboard, made general inspec-
ton in the captains absence and as he
was about to return to shore asked
one of the seamen who had been cut
ting the rail. The seaman told him
the captain and then, afraid his telling
might have unpleasant consequences
were the captain to learn of it in a
roundabout way, informed that official
of the interview with Girard The
captain was in terror of a reprimand,
but, hearing nothing from his employ
err, supposed the incident closed. AS
he was about weighing anchor ready to
leave port Il day loaded with shingles
drove down to the wharf, and the driv-
er hailed the vessel.
There mus be some mi taker' shout
cd the captain. Our bill Of lading
doesn't mention shinGles"
This is where they bclol"w sung
back the driver. Mir. Girard himself
told me to deliver them. He said they
are for the captain to whittle!'-Phila-
Yorkshire .Si~.4 -,
\ Yorkshire man and Ii .lncaSh,r,
man were conversinS together the 9th
er day.
The Lancashire man said to the York
shire man, We'll. Bill, do you know
the best way to find Yorkshire mans
lost fingers?'
Nc" says Bill.
We'll. l will tell you what hap
pened at our place the other day. York
shire Dan had two of his fingers cut off
with steam saw, and they got lost
among the sawdust. and two Of my
mates were down Oh their hands and
knees looking for them when the fore
man came up and asked what they
were doing.
'One of them said:
"'We are looking for Dams fingers
"'Oh, come out of the road said the
foreman. That's not the way to find a
Yorkshire mans fingers at the same
time taking shilling out of his pocket
and throwing it among the sawduSt,
when the two fingers at once popped
up after it.
There" said the foreman, that's
the way to find Yorkshire mans lost
fingers. Parsons
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
Good Reason.

81 wonder" began the man with the
Investigating mania. what makes ba-
bies cry?"
Probably" butted in the practical
fellow, contemplation Of some of the
things they're in danger of being like
when they grow up"-Baltimore News.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
A Wet Blanket.

Congratulate me. Jimmy. I'm en-
gagged to Sally jerks.
"I'm awfully sorry. Henri but l
can't conscientiously do it. I've been
eHgaged to Sally myself.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
Same Old Thing.

Tom-Did you call on that pretty tel
ephone girl?
Dick-Yes, but l guess there was
another fellow there ahead Of me. or
maybe it was only force of habit.
TOm-How do you mean?
Dick-My card came back with the
message: BUSY. Please call again.
Philadelphia Press
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
Must Be Good.

Young Husband-My dear Melanie,
must say that this pudding tastes
very bad.
Wife-Ali Imagination. dear; it says
in the cookery book that 1t tastes ex-
ceIlanti
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
Reassuring George.

She had been shopping. and he was
naturally disturbed.
81 hope you didn't spend much mon
ey while you were downtown today"
he remarked.
'Not cent except car fare, George"
she answered reassuringly. 81 had ey-
erytning Charged. Chicago Post. /
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
The Wrong CASTOR.

Something is the matter with the
law of waste and economy in this
world. Fowls fit for eating are not
the ones that have plunage fit for
trimming hats.-Atchison Globe.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
His Worth.

Naggsby-You say Trighfer is more
trouble than he's worth. haven't
found him much trouble.
Waggsby-Neither have Los An
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
A Prohibition Pie.

A Prohibition PIe.
Kansan-Come over and spend Christ
mas with me, old boy, and take din
ner.
Observation-Disclosures! I'd be happy
to, but
Kansan-Oh, thatll be all right Ny
wife has prepared good old fashioned
mince pie, and / can guarantee the fla
Vor.
Don't think of yourself at all, if you
can help it, just now, but study your
family and friends from their point of
view and then plan your Christmas
treat accordingly. A little thing that
one wants is worth a dozen that we
do not wish for.
It doesn't seem to throw cold water
over Kris Kringle's good intentions
when we turn the family hose on him.
-Glens Falls Republican.
81 hear that Miss Roseleaf is going
to leave the church. Do you know
why?
Eyes; she helped trim the chancel
Christmas eve, and while she was la
boriously lacking up Good Will to
Men Miss Lily White got the minister
to propose. Roseleaf thought it was
too underhand a performance, and SO
she's left the church."
>'"9'
Christmas Weather.
Happy all together,
Singing in the light;
It's always Christmas weather
When the
]. say Heart
= #F.2, Beats
/ Z" FS' Right!
hH44i rr Atlanta Constitution.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05

CHRISTMAS JOKES
light Headed.

First Xmas Candle--Pm just burn
ing to know when it's time for us to
gosout.
Second Ditto-Bosh! Twelve o'clock!
You are not up to snuff.
Blessed are the babies on Christmas
day. They can be put off with cheap
candy.
The head of the family expends many
dollars on presents and receives two
handkerchiefs and Il pair Of mitts.
Then is the time to be merry.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1902-12-05
A Good Reason.

sWhat makes you think, sir, that
will not be able to support your daugh-
ter?'
eWell, I haven't been able to my
se,f."-BtnoK1yn Life.
Dziennik Chicagoski. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1890-1971, 1902-10-08

uratowano wszakze czeladnika pie.
karskiego Augusta Meyer, ktofy
zasnawszy przy goracym piecu.
udusif sic dymem.
= Lunatyk Michael Kennedy =
z pm. 1884 Grand ave. spadl 2
czwartego pietra ma bruk, ziamas
try zebra pokaleczyf sic " gfo-
we.
= Dzisiaj mad ranem spalil SIG
dwupietrowy budynek pod no. 442-'
452 Wabash ave., stanowiacy wlas.
nose firmy Pittsburg Plate Glass
Go. Strat dotychczas ME obliczo-
no. Zajelo DUO czasu, zanim straz
pozarna uzyskafa kontrole mad o.
gniem..
= W suszarni frmy Pullman
Palace Car Co., ma rogu ulicy ITO
Pullman ave. .,zrzadzif pozar szko-
de ma sumo $4,000.
= Wypuszczony z Joliet ma vol.
nose rabus Mathew Avery upii sig
radosci zasnaf mad jeziorem, q
stop ulicy jackson. Poniewaz W
reku trzymaf revolver, sadzono ma
razie, re odebraf sobie aycie.
- Republikanie rozpowiadaj4
niestworzone rzeczy niezgodzie,
iaka panuje W obozie demokraty-
cznym. TEN gorzej bedzie dla'
mich, gdy podczas przysziych wy.
borrow ME pomoze i'm ich ,zgoda"
gdy zostana sromotnie pobici.
w poludniowej czesci stanu
W parku Washington znaleziono
zwioki policyanta j. Glennan, kto-
ry prawdopodobnie utonaf, fowiac
ryby. Z.
w procesie kapitana Will
liams, oskarzonego oszustwo, ME
zgodzono sic wczoraj ma wyb6r ami
jednego przysiegfego.
- Szef policyi postal strajkie-
rom pennsylwanskim sumo $9O4..
rs, zlozona przez tutejszych poll.
cyantow.
- Policyant John Sullivan 70
stacyi Deering otrlymai dymisye
jako naiogowy pijak.
= Tutejsze German American
Dental College" ME posiada prawa
wydawania dyplom6w ma -denty-
stow. Bytym studentom tego kole-
gium zakazano praktykowac.
- Obywatele Tomasz Kuras !
Jan Kozfowski z Gaylord, Mich,
wybrawszy sic zwiedzie miasta
Chicago i Milwaukee, byli dzisiaj
W redakcyi ,,Dziennika Chicago.
skiego" oglqdali nastepnie szcze.
g6fowo Gala nasza drukarnie.
Dziennik Chicagoski. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1890-1971, 1902-10-08
Nauka reklamy.

Me dose jest wytworzyc dobry
towar. By go sprzedac korzystnie.
trzeba umiee odpowiednio go "a
chwaliG. w wieku XIV minio-
nym wieku parry elektrycznosci-
choc ME zapoznawano skuteczno.
Sci reklamy, jednak ME podnosso.
no jej do wysokosci sztuki, cry
nauki. Iuaczej W poczynajacem sig
Xxx stuleciu. Umiejetnosc stoso-
wanna reklamy wchodzi W zakres
nauk, wykiadanych katedry.
Czeskie muzeum handlowe W Pra.
DE ustanowiio obecnie specyslne
kursy. Powazni profesorowie uczq
siuchacz6w, jak nalezy reklamowac
poszczeg6lny towar. R6wnoczesnie
czynia sic starania, ably wprowa-
die nauke reklamy do szk6t ham
dlowych, jako staiy przedmiot Wy.
kfadowy.
Wykfady ME powinny bye nu.
dne. Profesorowie beda mogli uro-
zmaicac je zajmujacymi przykfa-
dami. Mp. obwieszczenie owego
szewca podr6zniku egzotycznym,
kt6rego dixie zwierzeta rozszar.
pafy ma pustyni. zgfodniale bestye
ME darowaly jednej kosteczki; 20.
staiy tylko buty, tax mocne trwa-
lie, re ich najostrzejsze zeby uka-
sic ME zdoiaty. Buty to pochodzity
magazynu H..
Albo zadziwiajaca wiadomos6:
Przy ulicy q. wybuchnaf W pewnym
domu pozar talk nagle, ze zamie.
szkaiy kupiec Y. ME miaf czasu
uciec. Schowat sic tedy do swej
kasy ogniotrwafej. Dom spalif sic,
doszczetnie. Kasa zostaia nietknie-
ia. A kupiec Y.P Zaziebii sic ~
kasie...
Czeskie muzeum W Pradze Wy.
dale pr6cz tego szereg broszur, ":
kt6rych So praktyczne wskaz6wki
dla przemysfowc6w kupc6w, prs.
gnacych reklamowac swe towary.I
Pierwsza Mich, wydana okazyi
wystawy robotniczej, wydrukowa.
ma zostaia W 100000 sgzsmplaray.
Dziennik Chicagoski. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1890-1971, 1902-10-08

jest podobno hr. Gofuchowski. Ale
to bodaj tylko pr6ba pokrzyzowa.
MIA wrogich zamystow i uniknienia
niebezpieczehstwa dla Galicyi, kt6-
re powstaio ztad, re jei Representa-
cya ME potratita W chwili stosownej
zdoby6 sic ma czyn i ubiedz Cze-
chow W sojuszu Niemcanli.
Dziennik Chicagoski. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1890-1971, 1902-10-08
Kronika MiejScoWa.
"Strach" w domu Bartholomew.

"Strach" w domu Bartholomew.
w sasiedztwie domu pm. 1910
Calumet ave-, gdzie niedaWno
popefniono podw6jna zbrodnie
morderstwa, trudno bylo miesz-
kafcom w ostatnich dniach wy
trzymac. Widziano W domu zbro-
dni "duchy", slyszano chrzest Ian
cuchow, ciezkie westchnienia i "a
1oSne jeki. w nocy Z poniedzialku
ma wtorek ''straszy}o" tam zno-
WI, nareszcie ujrzano czarna po-
stat, wybiegajaca domu. Kilku
nieustraszoaych ludzi puscilo sic
"a sttachem' w pogoh i przy-
trzymano 43 letniego Henry
Sloan, kt6ry wczoraj tlomaczya
sedziemu, re udawal "ducha" dla
zartu. Sedzia Quinn "a takie Ear
ty kazal Sloan'owi zap}acic $1o
kary lsoszta sadowe.,
skargi przeciw skarbnikowi po-
wiatowenu.
Prokurator korporacyjny Ch.
M. Walker wystapii czterema
skargani przeciw Samuelowi B.
Raymond, skarbnikowi powiato-
wetnu, obwiniajac 60 0 niezda-