davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17
THE TIME TO LAUGH.
SOME GOOD JOKES. ORIGINAL AND
SELECTED.
He Got the Job-A Desperate Man
Wise PrecAation Cause for Action I'm
Incorrect Diagnosis n Funay graphs TT
sympathstie Souls
INcoRREcr DIAGNOSIS.

He posed as a fortune-teller and
mind-resder. and when he was arrest
ed and taken into a New York court
for posting handbills on the street. he
explained his vocation 10 the presid-
Ing judge
And so you are a mind-reader,"
said the Interpreter Of the law. Il
wonder if you can read my mind
oh. yes. replied the prisoner. ap-
parenIy believing that -blun" would
serve his cause as well as anything
You are OF a bright and cheerful
disposition And ! can see by the
merry twinkle in your mind that you
are about to tell me TO go home"
Your diagnosis is not correst." said
the Judge. Il was merely meditating
whether / should make the fine hve
dollars nr ten dollars think we will
call It iive dollars this time"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Heretofore il has been common prac-
tice in tooth powder holders to pro-
vide a receptacle which may be shaken
in the hand and a portion Of the pow
der discharged through small orifce,
or to support the holder upon a liked
base and to discharge the powder
through bottom opening having a
gate or valve. With both kinds OF ap-
paratus it has been found difhcult to
discharge the powder freely, especial
ly when it is composed of precipitated
chalk in a large measure. this powder
having tendency to pack in the hold
er so as to be discharged through the
small aperture with difficulty. John
s. Sanger has designed receptacle for
this purpose which has no shoulders
adjacent to the discharge opening to
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Tody-" Jennie tells me young Wood.
by proposed to her last night. vlois
II don't think ! know him. Is NJ
well off?7 Tody-~He certainly I.
She refused him" y
Mrs. De Bllnks-~No. sir; yon c,,
not have my daughter with my a.
sent I detest you and wish COZ
think Of some way to make you Ia
erable." Mr.. Hicks-"We.i. then. ND
not become my mother-in-iaws
An Insignificant little pin in W.
mans belt often disturbs mans me,
tai poise.
My dear are you feeling any b,
ter?' asked her fond mother. 4 -.
no." replied Dolly rIs the jelly al
gomez" yes. dear. - Well. / thlnl
I am well enough to get up now
Stern Parent-'Are You sure thai
you can support a familyg" IN
Daughters Well-er-you 81,
wasn't making any calculations o,
that just yet only want the girl, 20,
know"
The youthful lawyers profession ls|
usually better than his practice.
The Bachelor-"Bu you should "a
member the old maxim. Marry nj
haste aud repent at leisure The
Beredict--Oh. man doesn't have any
leisure when he's married"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17
GIGANTIC rARruwoKMs.

Sir Harry Johnston. whose discovery
OF a new species OF animal in the
Uganda Protectorate has excited much
interest among naturalists. brought
back to London and exhibited there
early this summer a specimen Of a
gigantic species Of earthworm which,
when alive. was about three feet long
and as thick as two fingers. Even
larger species of earthworms than
this exist. Ceylon has some giants
OF blue color. that attain as great
a size. In Cape Colony and Natal
there is a species. particolored, green
above and yellowish beneath. which.
it is averred, sometimes attains a
length Of six feet. Giant earthworms
are also found in Australia and South
America.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Water is the most essential to ex-
istence OF all that man puts into his
stomach-indeed. the only single thing
he cannot live without. aud yet there
IS nothing we eat or drink that SO
frequently carries in itself the germs
Of disease.
There is a definite group Of diseases
which, because they are specially liza
able to be spread by means Of drinking
water, are called water borne diseases.
Among these are such scourges as ty-
phoid fever. cholera and dysentery.
Mineral poisons are occasionally dis
solved IN water. and exert their in
furious effects upon those who drink
It. Il is obviously. therefore. a matter
Of the highest Importance that the
drinking water OF a household or a
holding the post. and he decided that
city should be in its purity above re-
proach, but the problem for the ordi-
nary man IS how to determine this
point.
The appearance OF the water is by
no means conclusive. for It may be
beautifully clear and palatable. yet
contain myriads OF deadly bacteria;
or It may be muddy and Of disagree
able odor and taste. and yet contain
nothing Of a really harmful nature.
The only way by which absolute GER
tainty can be had lies in a chemical
and psychological analysts. repeated
at regular intervals.
But elaborate and repeated analyses
of this sort can be had. as a rule. only
In the case OF large communities with
a common source. and are not at the
service Of the individual who must
look to his own supply from wells or
springs. In such case one must judge
Of the source by its surroundings.
If the neighborhood is thinly set
tied. and the well is forty or fifty
feet from the nearest house or out
building and on higher ground. one
may use the water for drinking with
a reasonable sense of safety. The
same is true Of water from a spring
which issues from the ground at
level considerably above that OF the
house and barns But II water is
drawn from wells in a town or from
a well near the house or outbuildings,
or below their level. or from a spring
situated. It is almost sure to \
be contaminated occasionally. II not
and so is the water Of
stream except in an absolutely unset
tied country.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Most OF the Russian peasants pass
a great deal of their lives in work
shops. where they work, eat and sleep
the same room sheltering a number
and probably a pig into the bargain
There are few beds. Instead. all
around the four walls Of the room is
fixed what may be literally described
as a bench. 1t is made of wood and
at this works the peasant by day and
on it he sleeps at night. each man at
his own spot The conditions of the
Russian workshop or factory. and the
Russian prison and military barracks.
SO far as interior arrangements are
concerned. are akin. Chairs there
will also be and tables. rudely fash
ioned. as rule, by the men them
selves.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Sir Howard Grubb. the celebrated
Irish teleseopemaker. has invented a
new form OF telescope sight for use
with a rife. Neither fore nor back
sight is employed with this contriv-
ance. but the shooter. in taking aim.
looked through small lens which, by
an optical device. throws an image OF
a bright little cross in front OF the
gun and in line with the barrel. Tia
image serves az a foresight, and by
simply holding the center Of the cross
upon the object aimed at. the marks
man takes his aim. The invention is
shown at the Glasgow exhibition.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Much attention has been attracted
in England, and some apprehension
aroused, by the discovery Of cracks in
the walls of St. Paul's Cathedral Ex-
perts think that the opening Of un-
derground railways and sewers in the
neighborhood of the great structure is
responsible for the damage. One Of
the suggested methods to secure the
safety of the cathedral, at cost OF
about s1.0O0.O0O, is to underpin its
foundations by carrying them down
about 80 feet to the solid blue clay
which underlies London.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

The object OF the invention shown
below is to increase the utility OF a
lady's dressing table by the addition
Of a secondary mirror. which Is so
carried that a second image OF re-
Election is obtained. thus enabling a
lady to secure a fun view Of the back
Of her head and yet leave both hands
free to deal wath the hair This addi-
uonal glass is suspended by two hing
ed arms from the supports OF the main
mirror, provision being made for ex-
tending these arms and holding them
vertically, when the glasses are in use.
Where only the single glass is pro-
vided frequent resort must be had to
handglass. and thus both hands are
rarely al liberty at the same time. The
result is that much straining OF the
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Aliieators. according to the late Pro.
fessor Cope, belong to a much more
modern genus than that OF their cous-
ms the crocodiles. No undoubtedly ex-
tincs species Of alligator has ever been
discovered by geologists, but those an
imals are fast being extermlnated at
the present day on account OF the
value OF their hides AIligators are
found In China. as well as in North
Americai the crocodile exists In Az
rica. southern Asia and northern Aus
tralia. The crocodile differs from the
alligator In preferring salt water 10
fresh and in being more vicious in it's
disposition.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

which is set tablet bearing this in
scription: Ed Schienelin, died May 12.
1897, aged 49 years A dutiful soma
faithful husbard-a kind brotber-a
true friend. Early in the spring OF
1878, schieffelin. a solitary miner. tray.
eled by night and hid by day. as he
prospectod for mineral in the Mule
mountains OF southeastern Arizona. In
course Of time he struck the bed Of
Walnut gulch, in which is a dry bed
Of a stream on ordinary occasions.
and during the torrential storms carry
ing a raging food into the San Pedro
river, which In turn empties its waters
into the Gila. The Apaches were on
the warpath in the spring Of 1878 and
It was brave thing for a man to pros
Dect at that time of the year. when the
Indians were always at their very
worst. Schieffelin, however, believing
that he was in country where be was
likely to find the wealth for which he
was looking. persisted in his prospect
ing, undergoing many privations, and
in constant danger Of losing his
scalp.
His persistence was rewarded far be
yond his expectations, for on the slope
Of the Mule mountains. about half way
between the summit and the bed Of
Walnut gulch. he discovered the out
Of what proved in time to be
a great bed Of ore, which gave Tomb |
stone its worldwide reputation. He
5taked his claim and christened the
camp. Why he chose the name OF |
Tombstone" no man seems to know.
It was probably but freak idea in
iuced by the fearsome surroundings
and the fact that the entire country is
covered with enormous boulders which
might well mark the graves Of the dead
of mighty city.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

U. S. Consul Hughes at Coburg re-
ports that the German navy and some
manufacturers are using a new fuel
called 'rlasut," an oily product from
German brown coal. The coast de-
Tense vessels are fitted for the use OF
this oil, and some battleships and
cruisers are arranged so that they can
use both coal asd masut Masut is
said to have one-fourth greater heat
producing power than coal, and is
easier tc handle. as 1t is necessary
only to open valve in order to I'll a
furnace.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

The house was handy to the street
car line" and in good repair, there
were the proper number OF closets.
and the rental was reasonable. but
before coming to terms the house
hunting matron said TO the agent;
1T is only fair for me to tell you
that we have five boys"
That won't make any difference,
ma'am,v he said. with smile. you
will find big families OF boys on both
sides OF you"
oh, then, don't want the house
at air. she exclaimed Il want to
find neighborhood where there won't
be any boys but mine"
At last accounts she was still hunt
ing.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

NO. Gladys MeGoogle." he said in
bis deep and earnest voice, life with
out you would be Of little use to me-
DO you mean that you would take
fhe suicide route TO escape it?" the
fair girl murmured
Yes" he answered. you have
guessed it,
Revolver or roper"
Neither"
Gas, then. or poison."
He shook his auburn locks and
smiled AT her bafied air.
What then would you do2"
"Gladys.p he slowly answered. III
you refuse my love l will take no
chances Of failure. have determined
to let malarious mosquito bite me"
That fetched her.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

In California, where fruit is fire.
quently damaged by sudden warming
at sunrise after being exposed to frost
at night. it has been found that a
screen Of lath. poised like a roof above
the trees. serves as an effectual pro-
lection by preventing the too precipi-
tate action Of the suns rays. Investi-
cation has shown that "air drainage
plays an important part IN the preven-
ton Of frost, little damage being caus-
ed by the latter in places where the air
Is in motion Wherever the air is
stagnant the injury from frost is found
to be most marked.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17
DOES NOT CLOG WITH POWDER.

retard the passange. as the picture
shows. In place of the ordinary top a
pair OF fat hinged jaws are provided,
sloping at an angle from the sides Of
the holder. and having rear extensions
to be grasped by the thumb and finger
in opening the jaws. AS the opening
extends across the entire length Of
the jaws the discharge is made stimuli
taneously throughout the entire length
of the brush. Should the powder
eventually become caked the brush
handle may be inserted through the
wide-open jaws TO loosen it.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17
scHIEFFELINs TOMB.

erected and operations, with modern
processes, will begin.
In consequence Of these golden pros
poets. Tombstone is looking up. Old
buildings are being cleaned out and
people are moving in. The Tombstone
OF the future win never be the Tomb
stone Of the past It will lose the pic
turesque feature common to all big
western mining camps in the early
days. but the prospects are good for
large and prosperous camp, plenty Of
mines operated regularly, big pay
rolls, smelters with their many side in
dustries and new railroads. Indeed. the
surveyors are now in the field marking
the line for an extension Of the Rock
Island railroad, which viii make
Tombstone one of its principal sta
tions.
There is one spot in Tombstone
which will ever be sacred. 1t is the
mound on the hill about mile from
where gold was first discovered. be-
meath which lie the remains Of the
founder OF Tombstone. Here is great
pile Of rough boulders. in the face Of !
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

lodon. have generally been regarded as
having belonged TO gigantic turtles.
but DR.. Abel shows that they were
part Of the skeleton Of the zenglohon
itself They resemble in their eharae-
ter the impenetraSie bony shells OF the
huge glyptodonts that formerly in
hahited South America The sugges-
tion is made that at the time when
they carried armor whales we're amphi-
bious creatures. living on the coasts
and needing special protection from
breakers and from sharks.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Grocer TO applicant for situation)- -
Are you fond OF work?
Boy-No, air. / amt.
Grocer--W Well. you'd better get or
home again. ! want a boy that is.
Boy-There ain't none
Grocer Yes. there are-heaps i've
had any amount here this morning.
Boy tdoggedly) --How did you know
they We're?
Groeer-They told me so.
Boy-Hm, 50 would I II was as
fond OF lyin' as they is--but l amt.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Edith hear that you aud Fred are
quite interested in one another.
Bertha-Dont you tell a soul Edith
but really believe Fred and were
made for each other We have played
golf together three times and we never
have quarreied-except two or three
times when Fred was clearly in the
wrong.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

It looks as if Tombstone. Arizona's
famous mining camp ffom which, be-
tween 1879 and 1885, se,oO0,00O in gold
was taken, is soon TO witness a revival
OF those rough days Of marvellous pros
perity. when the camp was the most
picturesque and celebrated Of mining
towns. Two men named Grow and
Gage have undertaken to rehabilitate
the camp. They have secured IS Of the
principal claims in and about Tomb
stone and are sinking shaft A mill
iion-dollar pumping plant will soon be
in operation, which will be sufficiently
powerful to reduce the water level in
MI the mines which 1t may be desired
10 work. Then a large smelter will be
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

The remarkable fact that the earli-
est known ancestor, or primitive type,
Of the modern whale bore heavy ar
NOR on its back, in the form Of strong.
bony plates. has recently been set forth
by the German paleontologist. DR.. o.
Abel. The plates occasionally found
associated with remains Of the pri-
meval form Of whale. the extinct zeug-
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

ar AM
And thought endue thee with all truth
Of Cod and thy destined place;
soul BY force Of purpose high.
Of undstSrbed humanity.
m The , mIssa saaIs despair gaining
never e % Gs 1ss Es u. % ssP o % love- be humble and '' win
7 'aa sss 'ss thomas "' % ' that never dare trust
s 'sss a: s s sS % aS'' ''' 'A"''' ''
m Pss s s Gs ss is: ss;s sss ss future evils but present
sos & s 9 @ a s % % f Wish q @ have sS DONE % ss s s s
end eoluea-Arehbishop Leighton
When
and the iosrAiy third quality Mar
che chord % / sIss AK sSs, s 5 "Sss sSs 8 sa S s:
as 7 "H'' We near 7 "'nso "nn y ana 'ns ns' r.
BE % SS more h mat match lat a last for s the
hst you % @ a and % % IN & {Su5 & aa a s ID @aat % you @ sn say
' '" anu '''''''' me "
The s9seluts . justice Of the clear me
experimental proof the
eyes . Huxley = 80
business than to
% ok whole aa nG ho and md nRcae w
path or accident choose for YOU be one the sng multitude have
The labyrinth Of life straight path him walking
reasoning
rock se @ nto uos nd cbns can This % at % fh t q ne
D0 A Fuller Ter 4s w anu d "u' 'ns no Of men,
think u
of yoe is
Be an age hard work not carried to an extreme il is by
full Interest chiansss daughter enpoymsnt and ' on the he
dnry were sure Of reward-sir John Lubbock W ~ ~ "
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Burglars entered the house Of a
north side physician the other night.
and meeting a friend on his way
downtown the next morning he said:
4 say, Blask. did you hear about
my robbery last hightgr
No. doctor" replied Blank. Whom
did you robg"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17
MIRROR FOR HAIR
DRESSING.

eyes occurs and the task is rarely per-
formed to the ladys satisfaction
While this new mirror is handy in use
It is also conveniently disposed Of
when not needed for the toilet. resting
either nat against the large glass or
serving as a cover for a jewel or trim
ket box placed on the table The
patent on this arrangement has been
granted to Samuel Brentnall Of Eng
land.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Does your sister ever talk about
me2' asked the enamored youth Of his
best gi7i's small brother
You bet she does. replied the
youngster Il heard her tell ma the
other day that II your shoes had rock
ers on them they would mako good
cradles"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Ole Hansen. the peasant who has
been appointed the minister Of agricul-
ture in the Dutch cabinet. looks after
all the work Of ais farm, and even
personally feeds the cows in the
sheds.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Rowland-~why did you nearly KIN
the manager. ne lud7"
Roxey-"G Gadzooks. He wanted me
to play in Uncle Toms Cabin"
Rowland-"Then you consider the
play beneath your talent2Y
Roxey-"No; IL was the character
He wanted me to don a skin and be
a bloodhound"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

sineleton---I wish you were ellri-
BILE for membership IN our bachelor
club. old man. You have no idea %
what you are missing
Wededly yes have. / count
the change in my pocket every night
and morning"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Ida-'T see less people have been
killed by football this year than ever
before
May-"For goodness sake. don't let
the players overhear you. They would
feel ashamed and start In 10 break the
record FOR brutality
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Maude-"im so glad 70 see that your
health has greatly improved
Ciara--Thank you My rapid re-
covery was due 10 this engagement
ring"
Maude-"Indeedi From whom did
you receive itg"
clara-"Frons MY physician
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Say. mister. you look like big
hearted man; can't you help a poor
guy a little? ?"
That's just the trouble. my friend.
The doctor says have enlargement Of
the heart very bad and any further
strain on II may prove Immediately
fatal"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Yes. said Miss Woodbesumthin'
my ancestors landed on Plymouth
Rock"
While the buzz OF admiration and
envy went around she added soto
voce. lin 1862"
We should be truthful at all times.
no mattee whether we shout it from
the housetops or not"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Jones--B Brown is an unlucky dog. !"
Smith" How's that7t
Jones-"His object in marrying was
TO get out Of boarding house"
Smith--"Well7"
Jones-'Now his wife Is running one
to support the family"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Myer-'Is ~ true that Miss Oldham
has just Inherited half milllong-
Gyer-'It Is; and she wili need ev-
cry cent Of 4 IN her business -
Myer-" What is her business7"
Overlooking for a husband"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Nell-"But you must never mention
what ! have just told yon.r
Why. is Il a seeret."
Nell-'Oh. no: but"
Beus--rhen II Isn't worth repeat
Ing"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Say" queried Farmer Hayrix.
what dow they raise IN them thar
roof gardens deown tew III cityY"
Peaches, uncle, replied the city
bred young man.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

He-"You are truly the first glrl ]
ever loved"
she-"That isn't the point Are you
SURE will be the last7"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

short-'Do you believe that a fellow
feeling makes US wondrous kindY"
Long-'It all depends What are
you feeling for now?p
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Recent investigations enable New
York city to point to her aspbar paw
ire rs the costliest on earth.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17

Weary walker-"How did YOU leavs
things IN St. Louis7"
Tired Tatters--"By the cattle train
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1902-12-17
NOTES ON SCIENCE.
CURRENT NOTES or DISCOVERY
AND INVENTION

The Water supp'y and It's Effects on
the Public Health In Large cries
Curious FROST Screens Tooth Powder
Distributer