Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-09-18

MS wire. PUCK.
He-"But she spends too much
money" His Wife-"No-o. l don't
think so; but her husband doesn't make
enough. "-BroOklyn Life.
Ted-"Why are you so opposed to the
small families of the rich?" Ned-"Our
millionaires haven't daughters enough
to 60 around" Town Topics.
The GOverness-"I know French and
German" Mrs. Uptodate-"That is
not sufficient. want some one who
can teach my children Scotch"
Heard in a bookstores: IL suppose
that work in sixty volumes is an ency-
clopedia." mo; it is called The Love
Letters Of Mormon Elder. Smart
Set
Father-"In choosing wife, one
should never judge by appearances"
SOn-"Thats right. Often the pref
test girls have the least money!
Puck.
Nervous Employer-"Thomas, wish
you wouldn't whistle at your work"
Office Boy amt working, sir; I'm
only Just whistling. Tran
script.
Mac-"Where is Marion these days?"
EditOr-"He's out in the country writ
ing special article on how to keep
cool In the city during the summer
days."-Chelsea Gazette.
well, doctor. what's the matter with
me?" the Anglomaniac patient asked.
'Lumbago," replied the physician.
Good" Good" Yes, that's what
King Edward has."-Pittsburg Chron-
icle.
Your daughter is so very modest,
Nine. Dupret! Her eyes are always on
the ground" Yes. you see, her sister
found purse in the street one day,
and she hopes to find one toO!-Le
Rire.
Your daughters taste in music Is i'm
proving perceptibly." said the professor.
Il think it must be-" answered Mr..
Blggins. ''She doesn't try to play near
ly as much as she did. "-Washinyton
Star.
Young Man (bitterly)-"Oh. of course.
You can't keep anything secret in this
town. l did hope my engagement to be
married wouldn't get out just yet" His
Friend-"Why did you tell the girl.
n?"-Chicago News.
Two Irishmen were arguing who was
the cleverer. WELL" said Pat, "I'll ber
you can't tell me what keeps bricks to-
gether" "Shure." said Mike, Its NOR
tar" NO" said Pat, you are wrong;
that keeps them apart
Rev. GOodman-"I was surprised to
see you playing golf last Sunday.
should think you would try to do bet.
ter" Hardkase-"O!I usually do much
better was In wretched form last
unday"-Philadelphi Press.
Ping-"How did you come out on that
stock deal last week?" Pong-"Lost
$500. Ping-"But I thought you said
a friend had given you Il pointer
Pong-"SO 1 thought-but 1t turned
out to be disappointer. Chicago
Daily News.
what makes you so sure your COM
position will be hit?" asked the pub
Usher. because" answered the song
writer, confidently, my musical friends
say the music is trash and my literary
friends agree that the words are TOM
myrOt" Washington Star.
'Do YOU think it would improve my
style?" inquired the varsity man who
had got into the crew through favorit-
ism, 1T l were to acquire a faster
stroke?" 1T would improve the crew.
replied the candid trainer, "if you got
a paralytic stroke. "-Tit-Bits.
Brown-"I say. Dumley. Robinson
has threatened that the first time he
meets you he proposes to knock some
sense into you. You'd better look out
for him." Dumley (contemptuously)--
pooh. 1t would take a dozen men
like Robinson to knock any sense into
me-"
Lady-"Here is cent Now, what
are you going to do with it?' Weary
Waggles-"Ah, num- I'll hev ter sub
NIT dat question to the Board NV Di-
rectors Nv de Copper Trust. 1t wouldn't
do ter dump all dis metal Onter de mar.
ket at once widout cOnsiderin' de prob.
able consequences. Judge.
A sliding scale: Lone arrival tat sum-
mer resort - What are your terms
here" Hotel clerk-"Cm-you will
have to wait until the through express
gets in. If it is loaded, our terms will
be ten dollars day. 1t is empty. we
will pay you twenty-five cents an hour
to sit on the porch and look happy
New York Weekly.
What it's coming to: 81 will have to
have three more days out week. and
receive my company in the parlor,"
said the cook-lady firmly. Bridget"
replied the mistress of the house. II
warn you not to push me too far You
seem to forget that belong to the
Housewives Union, No 17."-Cincin-
natl Commercial Tribune
He-"I trust you have forgiven me
for not recalling your name the other
evening, although l remembered your
face perfectly" She-"Oh. yes but my
name Is such plain one should think
YOU would have ramo,n harad II r,,;t..