Daily Kennebec journal., 1902-12-09
WEATHER PROPHETS.
John Quill Oiscourses on the Back
woods Variety.
How the Prophet 10 Helped by the
Bear, the Beaver and the Goose.

L
| l noticed by the papers that the per-
petual cold weather prophet up In snap
erville or some inland town. who bODs
up serenely every fall, has been awak-
ened from his Rip Van Wrinkle snooze
and has consented under protest to be
interviewed by the local correspon-
dent about the weather; so there VIII
be no gambling about what's coming
our way during the next three or four
months in the shape Of Jimicane and
hot air eruptions. but 1t will all be
fixed beforehand by the prophet and
| if we don't like it and are not satisfied
We can move. This antique prognOs-
ticator has been studying the signs for
the pas. years, so he says. He does
not say whether the signs are on the
| buildings or not. but predicts that this
| is going to be a little the coolest VIM
| ter since William Penn traded wam-
pun and beads for pelts with the In
dians way back in the times of the
.country's early struggles.
The old man to prove that he is right
goes on to say that the beavers have
| built their houses more substantial this
year than common and the whSkerS on
| the hedge hog are of a more luxurious
growth than of former years. Even
| the bear who is naturally social, gen.
| ial fellow. a great favorite and enjoys
company, especially the young, has
given up all society and social func-
| tions' and has denned up until the town
elections in March are over. And he
also notices the wishbonc of the goose
| iS la ri n nj ri hln
| in any previous year since his memory.
which convinces his logical mind that
the air is to be filled with weather for
some time to come.
Just what particular bearing and in
iuence these things have on the
! weather he neglects to inform us. and
Why the unsOciability of the bear and
the capillary ornaments of the hedge
hog or even the thrift of the beaver
should play so prominent part in reg
ulating the heat and cold for the next
few months is one of those unsolved
mysteries difficult to fathom. Then
| there's the gooses wish bone. which he
lays great stress upon as causing the
dates of the conjunctions of the plan
cts of the earth. sun or moon. This is
probably reasoned out on the same
theory advanced by colored brother
in the sunny South some years ago
who said when the atmosphere went
out the hemisphere came in. which
caused vacuum and empty spaces
were always cold.
The terrestrial disturbances have no
effect on this local prognosticatOr. He
has a cause and effect theory of his
own. which he works out to his salts
faction. His reasoning is simply mar
velous and the uninitiated look upon
this Goth century wonder with awe and
listen with bated breath to the chunks
Of weather wisdom which fall from his
lips. The head of the weather bureau
at Washington tells us that weather
predictions at best are uncertain. but
not so with this backwOods prophet.
Just as long-as he gan get an eagle eye
| on a beaver suburban residence or the
architectural design of a hedgehOg's
face mat he can tell to a dead certainty
whether the country trader. who is
looking for gain had better put in a
stock OF palmleaf fans or of snow
shovels. Even if these signs should
fail him he has more in reserve and
can call on his old friend the bear. and
they together can examine the wish
bone. and if he brings the goose along
with him the bear will make it pleasant
for them, or at least he will invite
them in. So there is no such thing as
fail in this business. 1t is just as GER
tain as stock gambling and up to the
present time the backwOOds weather
prOgnOsticators seem to have mon
opoly of the business. There is no
competition in sight.
l say prognosticators. for there are
many: In fact every town has one of
its own. And the above is but a fair
prototype of many. They usually come
harnessed into a suit of blue jeans and
gather around a corner grocery store
stove where the latest news is always
on tap. They occupy the seat of honor
on the branded end of the flour barrel
and between predictions they manage
to hit the cat in the eye every now and
then with super saturated solution
of tobacco and saliva. But on the
whole the weather prophet business is
about the only profession not worked
to death in this country and the capi-
tai required is comparatively small
About all one has to have to go into the
business is q wise look and a flowing
beard. neither very cxI Icnsive. The
bear and other animals can be bor-
rOwcd from a circus and the outfit is
complete.
n D q -.