The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-06
People and Things

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The glorious Fourth, the day that we
celebrate our independence and the
subsection of the benevolently assimi-
lated Filipinos, is now over with the
proper number of eyes blown out and
fingers burned off, and with the small
boy sleeping it off animated by the de-
hghtful consciousness that he has
maze the largest number of people
available as miserable as possible. The
cannon crackers were louder than ever
before, and the streets simply swarmed
with infant fiends who could not have
told what it was about or of whom we
were celebrating our Independence
considering our present attitude of
warm friendship with out ancient en-
envy, and grief that we could not dis
play our diamonds at the dear kings
coronation, every tirecracker was an
1nsult,and mony of the celebrators, had
they realized the significance Of the
day, would have refrained from any
demonstration. From different motives
and entirely with an eye to self pres
ervation, all mothers of future presi-
dents regretted that the English were
not successful hundred years ago. 1t,
is understood that the Filipinos were
allowed to celebrate with blank car
tridgeS.
1t is reported from Chicago, that
center of literary effort, that a certain
Miss Minetta Theodore Taylor has
been elected president Of an associa-
ton OF Western authors, and it is fur
Their reported that Miss Taylor can
read no less than seventeen languages.
The fact that we have never heard of
Miss Taylor Is nothing against her and
NO n csInN ic, Ill
1dence In Chicago. to be the president
of Western authors. Her ability to
speak the tongue of nearly every street
in the Windy City alone makes her
eligible for any position of honor. But
where's Ham Garland? For why is this
sight put upon Ham? He is the real
thing in Western authors, and not only
entitled to the presidency, but to every
office in the association, as being the
only man who can read his own books
through.
There has been recently in Chicago a
unique gathering of elocutioniSts in the
manner of convention, in which mat
ters pertaining to the trade were dis
cussed and elocuted. We can think Of
nothing pleaSanter for the world at
large than a gathering of elocutionists
reciting to each other, and the person
who conceived and carried out the idea
was not only possessed of an unusual
amount Of gray matter, but was hui
manitarian of a pronounced type. It
should be made an annual affair, or at
the call of any member who feels COM
ing over him the desire to recite Some
great mind in the gathering proposed
that it should be made criminal of
Tense for father or mother, not elocu-
tioniSts, to teach a child to speak a
piece. 1t is certain from this that there
are some master minds among the
members, and any sum of money could
be raised speedily to assist in an effort
at legislation to the end mentioned.
The fact that morally it is crime now
to teach a child to speak piece, may
aid lawmakers in making it legally a
misdemeanor.
; Senior Buencamino, who Is something
somewhere in our new possessions, has
had his feelings hurt. Having been
reconstructed and made over on the
American plan, he naturally knows
that when he has a grievance it is his
prerogative as free made American
citizen to go to Washington and make
howl. So to Washington he hied
himself and howled. His complaint
was that the president, in his address
at Harvard, had much to say about
Wood and Taft and Root, but nary a
This oversight will have to be remedied
and it is rumored that Mr.. Roosevelt
is contemplating making a speech
Which shall concern only one Buen-
canine, in which his virtues and at
tainmentS shall be set forth in a prop
er manner. 1t is no trouble for the
president to make a speech, and should
the audience be very select he is al
most certain of one appreciative list
ener.
There is a cross man who rides
very frequently on the Selby avenue
line, and while he finds fault with
every motion made by the car or con-
ductor, the rest of the passengers do
not find fault with him, as he pro-
vides about the only free entertain
ment offered by the street railway
company. The particular objects of
his wrath are the conductors who
know him well, and mentally brace
themselves when they see him ap-
proach. He stood the other day on
the back platform very close to the
conductor, when the car was crowd
ed, and as he touched the gates the
conductor started.
What's the matter?" growled the
cross man.
Il got a slight shock" the conductor
replied.
L. QOnJ see now you could, said
the cross man, you're such a poor
conductor"
When John Alexander Dowie turns
his attention from religion to athletics
one feels that he is more likely to
make a success of himself. Fourth of
July celebrations at Zion were opened
with prayer and praise, and finished
with Thanksgiving. The thought of
Eli ia n Gnrinffnor N a dax IT,
interests of virtue and right living,
and doing a hundred yard dash, ac-
companied by Scripture reading,
shows how we'll the modern religion
list can combine pious exercises with
those of another kind.
The fireworks provided for our ma
tional celebration in Minneapolis were
tame and mild compared to those ex-
ploded in the courts the last few
weeks. The Fourth was the quietest
day known in our sister city since the
of the manners and NOR
ais of the power that be, began.
Even the animals drink in Chicago.
A morning paper published a patrf-
otto song on it's front page on the
glorious Fourth. and marked IT
STEADY time" which was a great aid
to singers. The last line of the Choir
us will admit Of explanation. 1t read:
Flag Of the free, all hail to thee,
Ar chn