The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-10-25

CLASS III NlSlOTS. ledcneI- jamie.
can you tell me why Lincoln is called
the martyr PRESIDENT" jamie
"'Cause he has to stand for all the Lin
coin stories. Elk.
so you are going to get IN auto
mobile?" YES" answered the mar
who is always thinking of his health.
1.-THE doctor says 1 must walk more
The Browning clubs OF BOSTON, DO
you still read Browning in Bostone"
stOh dear, no. We all learned h5rl by
heart long ago. We merely discuss
him Chicago Record-Herald
Mrs. Fortyodd-"A man is as old Is
he feels, but woman is as old as she
looks" Mr. Really, MAIDEN.
J that doesn't apply to your case. IN
sure Chicago Daily News.
Casey-"Kelly called me loyer. but
Oh got satisfaction out Of him." Room
knocked out two av me teeth thot hoy
bin throubIin me fer months. Puck.
Fuddy-"There is one thing about
Flanders that l like. He never has
anything to say about mis- aches and
pains" Daddy-"No; but he's all the
time Dragging about his splendid
health. Boston Transcript.
Tourist-"Do these racing automo-
biles give you farmers much trouhle?"
Native-"No end of it, It's got so now
that when we see dark, funeral-shap-
ed cloud approaching we don't knox
whether to run for gun or cyclone
cellar. Puck.
/ She was teacher in one of the lower
classes, and she was trying to remind
the young scholar of the letter Ct
Now, Tommy, what comes at the end
OF dinner?" ooh, yes, ping-pong!"
shouted Tommy, joyfully.
statesman.
Dorothy auntie, isn't religion
something to wear?" Aunt Julia-''My
dear, why do you ask such foolish
questions?" Dorothy" Cause papa
said you used your religion for a
cloak.
Miss Ascum-"W Wasn't that Mr..
Bonds I saw you walking with last
EVENING"" Miss Coy-'Yes." Miss
Ascum-"He's a landed freeholder of
the country, isn't he?" Miss Coy
(blushing) -"Well-er-h isn't quite
landed yet philadelphia Press.
No call for leisure: What, you
back at work, Peter" When saw you
fall off the building yesterday l never
expected to see you work again. II
fought dat. too, boss. But nah wife
done let NAH accident assurance expiah
To-
An American, speaking to member
of the League against the Abuse of
/ Tobacco, declared that a Chicago mil
F., lionaire who died recently used to 2
smoke three thousand hams a day =
With look of horror the reformer ex-
! claimed, cit is no wonder that the
monster died!'
Forgot himself: Mrs. Henpeck-
/ 1--WE hev bin married twenty years to-
! day, Hiram" Hiram with a sigh
Yes; for twenty years we've fought"
Mrs. Henpeck (scowling) -"What?
You old wretch" Hiram (quickly)-
''Lifes battles together, Mirandy-
Judge.
Education" said the impassioned
orator, ''begins at home" That's
where you're off, said the calm
garten, is continued in the boarding
school, football field, Paris, London,
and Wall Street, and ends in either
Sing Sing or Newport. Life.
What do you conceive to be the So
luton of the trust problem, SENATOR"
asked his constituent. Well" said
Senator Lotsmun, ''the trusts win have
to be wiped out, of course, but its got
to be done with chloroformed rag,
so they won't know it"-Chicago
Evening Post
! Cholly (proudly)-"By Jove. I'm
quite a professor of swimming, don't
you know. 1 taught Mabel Galley HON
to swim in two lessons" Jack-"Gad!
that was quick throw down" ChOl1y
Indignantly do you mean"
Jack-''Why, she let me give her ten
lessons before she learned. Brooklyn
Life
The artist was painting the portrait
OF the daughter of the coal baron. In
her ball-gown she was an inspiring
study, indeed. "How do you like my
arms?" she asked with that true mai
vete which comes with great wealth
'You have divine right" he assenteS
Yes" she smiled; Il inherit that
from papa. Baltimore American.
] Science; Wasn't it terrifying sx-
perience," asked his friend, "whea
you lost your foothold and went
sliding down the mountain side?" at
was exciting, but extremely interest
ing said the college professor; Il
could not help noticing all the way
down with what absolute accuracy
! was following along the line of least
. resistance. Chicago Tribune.
/ Pat" said a manager to one Of his
workmen, you must be an early riser.
1 always find you at work the first
thing in the morning" '"Indade. and