Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-10-10
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| $50 Gayboy has recovered?" Eyes.
The lucky fellow was too poor to be
operated on."-Ex.
Voice (from upstairs, to suitor in par
Ior)-George, when you leave will you
please throw in the morning paper?-
Judge.
Incompetent: "She doesn't know how
to manage. does she?' mo. For years
she has lived beyond her alimony."-
Judge.
Heller rich uncle gave them
magnificent wedding present" She
"What was itf" He-"A ton Of COAL"
Detroit Free Press.
'NThree knots an hour isn't such bad
time for a clergyman" smilingly said
the minister to himself, just after he
had united the third couple.-Tlt-Bits
Nell-"I stopped in at bargain sale
to-day" Belle-"Did you see anything
that looked real cheap" Nell-"Yes;
several men waiting for their wives"
philadelphia Ledger.
Really, Louise. this bill is outrage
Gus. You mustn't try to dress like these
millionaires' wives!' "My dear Ned.
control yourself. I'm only trying to ap-
pear as we'll dressed as the shop girls"
Life.
Wide: Papa, what is the difference
between the Smart Set and the -Four
Hundred?" "Why, my son, the Four
Hundred Is limited to two thousand six
hundred, but everybody is in the Smart
Set."-Ex.
One way for the young man to get
rich is to save money. Another way
is to marry a girl whose father has
saved money.-Somerville Journal.
His Wife-"But can they prove that
you have been dishonestT' mo, they
can't; but 1 shall have to pay a lawyer
all have stolen to convince them that
they oan't"-Life.
Eyes, I'm encouraging my daughter
to keep company with that Arctic ex-
plorer." "What's the reason?" He'll
be able to stand it in the parlor with
out any fire this winter. r."-Clevelano
Plain Dealer.
The Old Man-"Young man, when
you take my daughter, trust you with
the dearest treasure Of my life. No,
couldn't lend you my auto for little
spin. 1 value it too highly to risk 1t In
strange hands. Bazaar.
care you going to marry him :" asked
the girl in white. Il don't know" an
swered the girl in pink. 1T would be
dreadful if I married him and then
found out that that detestable Minnie
Wilkins never really wanted him.
Chicago Post
Miss Anne Teek (blushing)-"M
Strong offered to put his arm under
me and teach me to float in the SURF
to-day, but of course l wouldn't hear
Of it." Miss Somergal-"Nonsense! One
Is never too old to learn."-Philadel-
phia Catholic Standard.
In Disguise: Mrs. Stubbs-This Is
strange, John. 1 thought the people on
this block were immensely wealthy,
and now find them sitting around in
patched clothing. Mr.. Stubb-That's
nothing, Maria; they are expecting the
tax assessor.-Chicago Daily News.
Thoroughbred Sport:~ Blizzer-I just
heard that 'Bilgewater jumped out of
his yacht yesterday and was drowned.
|. Buzzer-Sh Did he do 1t with
suicidal intent? Blizzer-Oh, no; he
was racing and did it to tighten his
boat, and thereby win the race.-Chi-
cago State Journal.
1t was Maysville negro preacher
who, needing the money, said: "Breth-
| rem, we will now staht de box, an TO
) de glory OBJ heaven, which ebber OBJ
you stole Mr.. Jones' turkey will please
not put anything in hit" And every
man in the congregation contributed
Kansas City Star.
Harry-"To tell the truth, don't be-
Iieve Alice ever cared for me-" Har-
riett-"Nonsense! What put that idea
into your head?" Harry-"I know what
I'm talking about. How otherwise do
YOU account for it that she remembers
everywhere we went on our honey
moon ?"-Boston Transcript.
.'You must abandon all business cares
for the future" says the physician.
!. "But fear that have not yet accumu-
lated sufficient money" protests the
. multi-millionaire. "Why, my dear sir,
you have got enough money to pay
physicians fees for the rest Of your
ife."-Baltimore American.
"That Mrs. Wadhams to whom you
. introduced me the other evening re-
minds me very much Of portrait by
Rembrandt" 'Is that SO? Which
, oneY' "Oh, any old one. They all look,
when you get close to them, as if the
paint had been thrown on by the hand
fuI"-Chicago Times-Herald.
Sandy Pikes-"Lady, cud yer please
give me four cents. l wants to write
letter to me poor old mudder." Lady
-"What do you want with four centsi
Two cents will send letter anywhere
in the country" Sandy Pikes-"Yes.
lady, but wants to send me mudder a
check, an I wants de extra two cents
fer a revenue stamp."-Chicago News
PROFESSIONALISM is the dose of GRO
ton oil? Student dn a hurry)-One
teaspoonful. The professor makes no
comment, but the student feels he has
not answered correctly. Student (fif-
teen minutes later)-I want to change
my answer to that question. Profess
sor docking at his watch)-It is too
late. Your patient has been dead four
teen minutes.-New York Times.