The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-01-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

III L NUN UE II III IA ia L.
Mr. Surplice-Oh, Mrs. Dash! The
church bazaar is not so bad; it brings
the people together.
Mrs Dash-Mr. Surplice, after you
have been in this parish awhile longer
you'll understand that for true peace
and amity our church people need to be
kept apart.-Puck.
1T is sad,'' murmured the Musing
Theorizer, ito think that every man has
his price,
Yes" admitted the Intensely Prac-
| teal Worker, land it is a sad fact that
half the time he can't get it''-Tit-
Bits.
my dear, this is my friend Smiggins,
| of whom you have heard me speak
I'm glad to meet you, Mr.. Smigg1TiS
You can hardly appreciate what a con-
| venience your acquaintance is to my
husband when he stays out later than
| he should indianapolis News.
It don't know good music from bad.
well, sab, dere's a lot of folks like
you, only dey doan' know it!"-Puck
Percy vere-I still think there is hope
for me; although she said mo-" she was
very sympathetic.
Jack Newitt-My dear boy, that's the
end of you. No woman ever marries
ically.-Philadelphi Press
First Citizen-Did you vote to allow
| the saloons in this ward to keep open
| on Sunday?
! Second Citizen-No sir! If a man in
! this ward wants drink on Sunday let
| him go to some other ward. That's
| what / doi-Puck.
Mr.. Grogan-What a power O. funerals
| they do be havin' at the church these
| do I,to %eAI fI,sr ~ v1.
| Miss CaSey-Thinkin av what?
Mr.. Grogan-That whin it come tonne
| fur my funeral would you be the wildly :?
| Philadelphia Press.
| Billings-Isn't a dollar rather high for
| a sprig of mistletoe?
Florist-Can't tell you that, sir. It
| depends on who's going to be under it.
| Puck.
| Don't you think that the writing of
| letters to Santa Claus is a prttty Gus
| tom for children?''
st do" answered Senator Sorghum.
1T is very much like the practice of in
| Producing bills in congress In the ma
| jority of cases there are no practical
results. But the author is gratified, and
there is no harm done.'-Washington
| Star.
Lady Visitor-And was your husband
good and kind to you during your long
| illness?
was kind; e was more like a friend
than 'usband.-London Taller.
You wouldn't think that I could have
| a daughter who is old enough to be
married, would you?" she asked, shipper
| ing girlishly.
on whether I heard you talk without
seeing you or saw you without hearing
| you speak,
She is still wondering whether he
| meant it as compliment or otherwise.
| Chicago Record Herald
THAT young man belongs to one of
| the oldest and most distinguished fam
| lilies in the country"
| WELL" said Mr.. Cumrox, rehectively,
| ''of course what people get by inheri-
| made their money in the last five or
| ten years are the ones who are likely to
have most of it.'-Washington Star.
Says a Georgia philosopher: cit is a
! pity we are all more successful at dig
| ging bait than we are at catching fish,"
Atlanta Constitution.
Miss Angular-Do you think my age
is beginning to tell on me?
Miss Plumpleigh-Ye dear; but then
| begin to tell the whole truth.-Chicago
| News.
aren't you glad you're through the
holiday rush?" he asked
We're not" replied the saleslady,
languidly. The women haven't got
| half through exchanging their presents
yet. "-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Mrs: Grogan-,My, oh myl Phwere did
| Grogan-O twas wan O. thin anar-
chisths thot had some wurds wild me an
Mrs. Grogan-o! the murderin'. black
Grogan-'sh. darlint. don't sphake hard
| av tn dead.-Philadelphia Press.
"De Graft is one of the most remarka-
bly, successful hnancierS this city has pro-
| duced y, a decade
II thought he was broke"
debts in six Observation-Disclosures News.
thorp." said Sterlingworth. rs it time
for congratulations"
We'll l won't acknowledge that" re
| about to confer upon a certain young lady
the right to select my neckties for me-
They asked the visiting Englishwoman
| what she thought of New York.
Il think it will be charming-when it is
finished" said the Englishwoman.-Ex-
change.
W .ni,-oI why is the truth spoken of
Pal don't know, but that may explain
| why she's so seldom seen in public life
| Philadelphia Press.
The man who says st done it, and did
is several points ahead of the one who
says Il did it, but is still doing.-Chicago
Record.
When a woman has to stand on her tip
| toes to hook her daughters collar she be
aid
Miss J.-But shant I bore you? 1t is