The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1902-09-05

had got into the crew through fayoritism.,
IF l were to acquire a faster stroke
1T would improve the crew. replied
the candid trainer, If you got paralyt-s
ic stroke. "-Tit-Bits. !. i
*% = -:o:-4
Horrible Thought .-Towne-I suppose
you've heard about kadley, that awful
rrowne-No? My, that's terrible. !,
Towne-O! l don't know. haven't
amy SYMPATHY
Hrownt-What! Suppose some decent
fellow should find it!-Catholic STAN
,lard and Times.
g! suppose our Western country has
furnished more funny things in the
epitaph line than all the rest Of the
Pence OF Colorado, at the Riggs House
Il remember one that adorned the
cemetery at Leadville, in the palny days
OF that great mining camp. 1t seems
that in the course OF 4 barroom Draw!
one Jim OTrien, a we'll known charac-
ter. had his existence terminated prema-
turely. He was a good fellow in the
main and not without friends. One of
the dead mans associates, in deep grief
over his demise, erected wooden slab
over his grave on which he had written
in large letters:
at $50 q. m
\ local humorist happened along soon
afterward and appended the following:
"'Heaven. 4:20 p. M. O'Brien not yet
arrived Intense excitement. The worst
is feared ''-Washington Post.
Finally-"That amt law" said the at
torney to the Billville Justice. II know
it," replied the Justice, but it's Me; an
<,f hoor Of onn01 ling from
decision, I'll settle with you personally.
Bailiff. clear the ourt!'-Atlanta Con-
stitutiOn.
During the trial of street railway
damage suit in one of the circuit branches
of the supreme court Of the District Of
Columbia few days ago, an important
stand in the person of an elderly colored
man. The plaintiff had been injured
while the car was at a street crossing,
and one of. the attorneys was endeavor-
ing to elicit from the witness just where
the latter was standing at the moment
the plaintiff was struck by the car. AS
l understand you," remarked the attor-
been asked, "you were standing at the
street corner, diagonally opposite the
point where the accident occurred.' NO
sir I wasn't declared the witness. II
guess I was standing kinder sort er on
the HAS from the spot
-:O:-
THAT duck was fine said the enthu-
siastic patron. Il can't imagine any
thing more acceptable than a nice little
canvashack;" "Unless,'' replied the pro-
prietor OF the restaurant, its nice big
greenback.' Philadelphia Record.
\ woman in Summerville who was the
posscssor of a solitary piece of statuary
was one evening giving party. Shortly
before the guests arrived she looked
through the rooms to see that everything
was in order. Missing the Venus from
it's accustomed place-"Lee," she asked
statuary?"
Miss Weeny. you mean, ma am?" an
swered Lee, looking obstinate.
Eyes, the Venus. Where is it!'
'Well, Miss Margrit, ma'am, jes'
thought as gemmens was espected dis
evenin' I'd better set Miss Weeny under
de stahs. June Lippincott.
Little Flossie-" How much is a pound
cents And how much is that for a
half pound?' Three cents.' please,
sir. I'll take the other half" -Detroit
Free Press.
-:O:-
During one of Bishop Potter's paro-
chial visits there happened to be num-
Der of young deacons in the vestry room
before service. One of them, who was
rather talkative, remarked, "See, bishop,
in the penedicite there is mention of
you,' pointing to the words, 20, all We
priests Of the Lord, bless We the Lord"
ETC., ''but there is nothing said about US
deacons; don't think it is quite fairr'
"Oh, yes. there is" quietly replied the
bishop. Here it is: %, all We green
things upon the earth, bless We the
Lord" New York Times.
His Great Fear.-Wife.-I'm afraid
you won't be we'll enough to go with
me to Mrs. Swasger's progressive euchre
party tonight. Husband-I'm afraid l
will-Ohio State Journal.
Mother-Now look here, Bob. You
know your father has strictly forbidden
YOU to eat any more of these dates, and
here l find another stone. Bob-Why,
mother. sister must have eaten that date;
did not throw that stone there. Moth
er-Are YOU sure about it, Bob? Bob
Yes. mother. quite sure, because swal-
lowed mine.-Brooklyn Life.
Old Gent-Why are you hitting the
boy! What has he been doing?
Big Boy othink. But e won't be
long O dom somethink.
The old story about wolves in sleeps
clothing comes home to a man when he
orders spring lamb in a cheap restaurant.
Philadelphia Record.