davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
Ambiguous.

Bella-But why did you refuse him
II you loved him?
Dora-Well, you see, he said he
couldn't live without me, and 1t aroused
my curiOsity!-Puck.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
Two Hurry Calls

Little Freddie-Please, Mr.. Druggist,
papa wants bottle of liniment, and
mamma wants a bottle Of china &C.
ment, right away.
Druggist-All right. What's wrong?
Freddie-Mamma hit papa with the
sugar bowl-Baltimore American.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
Not Up In French.

Willis prefer to eat a IA carte.
Gillis-Ah! / see you frequent lunch
wagons. Herald.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
Sure to Come Down.

Sure to Come Down.
Tom-Yes, we had quarreled, but ]
was determined to see her.
Dick-How did you manage It?
Tom-When l called told the maid
to say it was a society reporter who
wanted to see her-Philadelphia Press.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
JOHN POOLE, Portland, Onesua
Foot Of Morrison Street,

Oan give You the best barssim n
Buggies, Flows, Boilers and Engine
Windmills and Pumps and Gsusnl
Machinery. See rs before buying.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
Very ApDrOpriate,

"What did he get $500 back pension
for?'
"Oh, he was shot in the back."-The
Smart Set.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16

Being daughters Of Eve. young ladies
are Of course partial to twilight
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16

SfT2 Permanently Cured No fits or nervousness
blO after first days use Of DR. Kline's Great Nerve
kestorer Send for g.. 90 trial bottle and treat
~ DE-. r. H KLINE, Ltd osl Arch a. Philadelphia Pa
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
CD. CHANBERLIN.M.D
or WAShlNGTON.D.C.

Chambe NJ d. writes from 14th and Sts Washington Do
cheeruy recommend for caah
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
His Experience,

His Friend-And you can't get
moneyed men to consider the matter?
The PrOmoter-No. Money talks, but
I've found it mighty poor listener
Puck.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.

Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over-Sayings that Are Cheer
full to Old or Young-Funny Selec-
lions that Everybody will Enjoy.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
In a Very Bad Way.

II have been kept In the house for
three days." said Felt, with q felon
on one Of my fingers"
II know a man with fourteen hun
dred felons on his hands, and they do
not bother him much" said HIATT
Fourteen hundred felons on his
hands? Who is hep
1.-THE warden at the State prison."
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
His TaeJk WeIl noue.

That missionary" remarked the
king Of the Cannon Ball Islands 40 he
polished OF the last rib, ''is what I
would call q finished scholar"
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16

minerals in It to disturb the digestion and
lead to ruinous habits.
We have prepared special book on
Rheumatism which every sufferer from
this painful disease should read. It Is the
most complete and interesting book Of
the kind in existence. It will be sent free
to any one desiring it. Write our physi.
clans fully and freely about your case. We
make no charge for medical advice.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16

Medical Examiner o.. 8. Treasury.
DR.. Llewellyn Jordan, Medical Elk
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
Her First Football Gal

Her First Football Game.
Shelf is a rough game, isn't It?
He-Why, yes; but you didn't expect
to see it settled by arbitration. did you!
Puck.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
Polite to Them

Polite to Them.
II understand that potatoes are very
high In price," said Gummey.
II should say they are" replied
Chambers. my boarding house keeper
never calls them anything else but
pOmmes de terre now"
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
Giving Him the Turn-Down.

He-Now, don't bother to- help me or
with my coat.
She-It's no bother. It's q pleasure
Town Topics.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16

"John," she said, do you think you
can afford new gown for me|
He looked at her sharply.
Have you ordered it?" he asked.
EYES,"
''Then," he said, with sigh of resig-'
nation, II can afford it"-Chicago Post.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16

tons lad would get well. After having L 6iied
twelve times without receiving the slightest
Peneht. declined to continue his treatment any
longer. Having heard of S. S. S. (swift's Specifcl
recommended for Rheumatism, decided almost
In despair however. to give the medicine trial,
and after had taken few bottles was able &c
hobble around on clutches, and vcry soon there.
after had no use for them at all, S. s. S. having
cured me sound and we'll. All the distressing
pains have left me. my appetite has returned
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16

Precedent Established.
"What makes you think she will mar.
~ your
"She has married other men,"
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
Refreshing Modesty.

KefreshinX MOdeSfy.
An unsuccessful candidate for party
nomination being met by friend the
morning following his disappointment,
the following conversation ensued:
Friend-Well, how Go you like the
nominations?
Rejected Candidate-Excuse me, but
l take no interest whatever In this elec-
ton.
Friend-No more do l, except to wish
that the best man may win.
Rejected Candidate-Well, he won't.
Friend-And why not, pray?
Rejected Candidate-Becauseh he was
not nOminated.-BOstOn Courier.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
One Opinion,

what a sour Individual! What's he
growing about, anyway"
20! he complains that he hasn't got
what he deserved In this world"
II should think he'd have cause to
rejoice on that account. "-Philadelphia
Press.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16

the gre at vegetable
purifier and tonic, is
the ideal remedy in ali
rheumatic troubles.
There are NO ooiatee n,
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16
The Spelling Fad.

Kind Lady-What is your name, little
girl?
Little Grizzly name is Name
M-a-y-m-e.
Kind Lady-And the name Of your
dog?
| Little Girl-His name is Fido-P-hy-
d-o-u-g-h!-COlumb Journal.
The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-01-16

A Guarantee and a Promise.
do you guarantee this goods not to
fades"
Absolutely! And If it does we Will
sell you new goods to match the
changed color."-Indianapoli News.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
The solemn Quaker.

At the funeral of lawyer OF state
reputation who lived and practiced In
n town not far from Philadelphia ana
who was known among his frienus
tbereabout as an unbeliever an emil
nent gentleman from Philadelphia
reached the house after the minister
had begun the sermon. Not, knowing
how far the services had progressed,
he accosted q we'll known Quaker OF
the town, who was friend of the de-
ceased and who was noted for his great
sense of humor, and, leaning over his
shoulder, asked in whisper:
'What part Of the services have they
reachedY
To which the Quaker, without
smile, replied: $50
gust opened for the defense."-Phil'
adelphia Times.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10

Every one would agree that color mas
an extraordinary effect on ones spirits,
and scarlet or reds Of any kind are dis
tipctly exhilarating. But what is the
mower of color over disease? The idea
that the power exists is not new one
Indeed nobody knows how old 1t IS
Int when Edward III. (then Prince Ed
verdi was smitten with smallpox his
doctor (Gaddesden) treated him In a
way that would battle even the CHRIS
tan Scientists.
To quote his own words, from note
of Miss Strickland's in her Marguerite
of France memoir, II ordered the
prince to be enveloped in scarlet cloth
and that his bed and all the furniture
Of his chamber should be of bright req
color. which practice not alone cureu
him. but prevented his being marked.
The old chronicle goes on to say that
he "treated the sons of the nobiest
houses In England on the red system
and made good cures in ALL"
"In this childish state" Miss Strlck-
land quantity remarks, "was the nopie
art of healing at the court OF Margue-
rite" What would her comments De IL
she lived in this twentieth century :
philadelphia Ledger.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
A nn.ines. Mans Nerve.

The successful merchant nowadays
knows how to turn even misfortune
into advertising. A team OF coach
horses dashed into an immense plate
glass window in front of n big furni-
ture store in New York city and made
a general smashup of everything in
sight. The proprietor, instead OF shut
ting up shop even temporarily sat
down and with q paint brush elaborat-
ed the following on big white board
and installed it in the window where
the plate glass was: "a coach team
smashed this window. You see. even
the horses know where to find good
furniture. This is a pointer for you"
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
Coronation Blunders.

There were all sorts of plumbers maze
at Queen Victoria's coronation, ana the
queen never knew what she was to 40
next. They made her leave her char
and enter st. Edwards chapel before
the prayer was concluded, much to the
discontinue Of the archbishop.
The ruby coronation ring, according
70 the rubrlc, should go on the fourth
finger In this case the ring had been
made for the little finger, which the
queen accordingly held out when the
proper time came. The archbishop re,
fused to put it on that finger ana sa'u
II must go on the fourth. The queen
demonstrated, declaring that she could
not get it on, but the archbishop INSIST
ed that 1t had to go. Accordingly the
other rings were taken of, and the
new one was forced on with such pam
that as soon as. the ceremony was over
the queen had to battle her finger IN ice
water to get it off.-Saturday Evening
Post,
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
Took 1t Literally.

4 gentleman, wishing some bushes
removed from his garden, told his gar
Gener to pull them up by the roots.
some time after he went into the gar
den and found the gardener digging
trenches round the bushes.
why, George" he said, "you need
rot dig round those small bushes in
that way. am sure you are strong
enough to pull them up by the roots"
oh, yes, sir" replied the gardener.
i an strong enough, but 1 must dig a
little before 1 can catch hold Of the
roots. If you had told me to pull them
~ by the branches, could have re-
moYed them"
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
Washington, Alexandria 4
Mt. Vernon Railway.
In effect May I, 1902.
LEAVE ALEXANDRIA.

For Washington, from corner King and
ROYAL streets, also stops at King and Washing
ton and King and Payne streets, week days,
at 555, 6 %, 655, Z 10 (express), Z Al, 100,
SIG (express), 30, 900, $50, 1000, 1923,
$50, Ills, ii AZ a. m. (express), II 49, II As
1express), 90, / 20, 46 (express), 2 10, ? 46
(cxpress), 800, 3 80, 3 46 (express), 4 12,. 4 30
(express), 400, 5 20 (expressl, 8 4j, 8 OF, $780,
700, 7 Is (express), s 90 S45, $50, 10 10 and
snndays-7OO, SIS, 900, 945, 1925, 10 45,
IL 10. II 45 a. M, u l5 1245, 10, 45N2 ID,
PAS. 315, 345, AIS, AS, 8 10, 545, & 10, 6 20,
7 10, 745, s 10, S 45, 30, 10 10 and ii - p m.
Leave Alexandria for -Four Mile Run lin
addition 10 local trains for Washington, week
days. at II 50 p. m. and II IS a. m. Sundays
IL 81 p. IN. and 1925 q. m.
LEAVE WASHINGTON.
For Alexandria, from the corner of Pennsyl-
vania avenue and 13l street, week days, 9 30,
7O4. 100 800, $50, $50, 925, 1000, 1925,
100. fl 30 a. m. and 1905 (express), II 20,
245. 105 (express), %, 200, 2SO, 3O2 Tex
pressl, 800, $50, IA (express), 4S5, 45l,
500 co. IS Is 81 10 B. 20 and 90 10 0O
Sundays A., 900, 945, 80, II 90, II 30
a. IN. 1900 noon, II 80, 100, / 80, 200, 23O
800, 3 80, 400, 4SO, 800, 590 800, 8 80, 90,
7 30, 500, S4J, $50, 10 10, II 20 and IL SOP. III.
FOR MOUNT VERNON.
Leave Alexandria for Mount Vernon, week
DAYS. 555, 7O2, S35, 032, II 81 a. m. II 30,
l32, 80, 33l, 4O3, 443, 55l, Z 81 and 100
p. m, 90, ,o,
602, 73S and 1902 p. m.
Leave Mount Vernon, week days, at 6 Al,
74O. 925, II rs a. M, ~ 20, 20, 22O, 3 20,
40, sos, 80, 6 40, s 50 and 10 40 p. m.
Sundays 40, 10 10 a. H., | 10, 3 10, 80,
6 40, s So and 10 40 p. N.
FOR RoSsLYN.
Leave Alexandria for Rosslyn, week days,
$50, 624. 65j, 7 10, 500, 30, 900, 1000, 10 %
q. m, ~ 10, II 46, ! 46, 246, 3 40, 400, D %,
) As, OF, I 90 and cop. m.
Sundays 10, 9 CO. As, 10 40, II 40 a: m,
IL 49, As, 245, 345, AS, 545, 6 40 and 7 40
= Leave Rosslyn for Alexandria, week days,
62s. 200, 73O, Z SO, S37, 900, 1901, 10 90,
II 46, a. M, u 40, 81, 227, g. q, 439, D 80,
900, 6 q, 7 O2, Z So and S IS p. m.
Sundays So, Q ~, TO- %, II q a. M, ~
12l, 22l, 921, 42l, 52l, 62l, 72l and 81
p. m. 80
Baggage checked and carried on the follow
ing trains from Alexandria for Washington
week days: $50, and 10 So m, 20, 90 and
COZ p. m.
Sundays 10 a. IN. and 8 Is p. m.
Parcels carried.
Freight carried daily, morning and evening,
in each direction. No freight accepted unless
delivered at the station at least 80 minutes be-
fore the departure of the freight trains.
CLARENCE 7. KING, J. COLvIN
President. Superintendent.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
CoIorIess Varnish.

C1lorless varnish for use on fine Ia
beis or other prints, as well as FOR
white wood and other spotless articles,
b. made as follows: Dissolve two and
one.half ounces of bleached shellac In
one pint of rectifed alcohol; to this
ada five ounces of animal boneblack,
which should first be heated, and then
bo, the mixture for about five min
ules. Filter small quantity of this
through altering paper and If not ruby
colorIess add more boneblack and Doll
ocgin. When this has been done, run
IL, mixture through silk and through
fltlring paper, When cool, 1t is ready
for use. 1t should be applied with
gar and uniformity.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
Small Fish.

An Englishman walking through a
certain part of Scotland with rod and
reel came upon a tiny loch which he
thought held out promise Of good sport.
Patiently he fished for three hours
moving steadily from spot to spot along
the borders of the little pond, but no
success came to him.
At last he accosted boy who mao
stood for ten minutes watching MIN
with mingled surprise and curiosity on
his face. "SIy little lad" said the Eng
lishman, "can you tell me whether
there are any Ash in this pondr
"If there be ony, they must be vera
wee ones, sir" returned the boy, "for
there was nae water here until 1t ram
ed yesterday
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
AIexanoeio Gazette.
THURSDAY EVENING, July 10 1902.
The Zeal and the Bear.

The seal does not stop his search tor
food until he has completely satisneo
his excellent appetite; then he takes a
good nap, lying upon the very cage Oh
the ice or as close as possible to his
breathing hole. The slightest SOUND
win awaken him and, without waiting
TO find out the source or direction, ne
rolls into the water. He can stay I'M
der for only thirty-fve minutes, but
where he will come up none can tell.
This no one knows better than the
bear. and If the bear realizes that 1t IS
impossible to steal up on the leeward
side of the seal, having his black nose
covered with his paw and his bloodshot
eyes closed, when the seal has his open
md on the watch, he looks about FOR d
favorable point of departure, dives I'M
der the ice, and If he rightly judges the
distance and direction he comes up at
the very spot where the seal has ex-
pected to go down. The sears rate Is
thus settled, and the bears shrewdness
earns its reward.-St Nicholas.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
Washington Southern Ry
cnboduIe In effect Nav %. 1902.

Schedule in effect May %, 1907.
Trains leave station corner Fayette and
Cameron streets for Washington and points
north at Ss, SOL and 9 81 a. mr. II 10, 2ol,
200. $40, o - and II % p. M, week days.
sundays-7SS, 954 and II 90 a. m, 7OO
8 10, 0 10 and II % p. m.
For Fredericksburg, Richmond and points
south at 44S, 756 Qocall 10 80 and IL % a..
M. 359, 459 (locall and 10 p. M, week
days. o
Sundays-44s, 1856 and los a. M, 81 80,
4 SO (local), and 10 p. IN.
Accommodation eorQuantico 20 n. m. Sun
day only and 44i p m. week days. s % p.
M except Saturday.
w. P.TAYLOR, Traffic Manager.
w. d. Duke, General Manager.
ED. MYERS, President
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
RAILROADS.
SOUTHERN RAILWAY.
Schedule corrected to May %, 1907.
Trains leave Southern Railway station
Alexandria:

Nfleiult COIItttcA " ~ -
Trains leave Southern Railway Station,
Alexandria;
500 A. M.-Daily-Local for Harrisonburg
Warrenton. Charlotte and way stations,
Hos A. M.-Daily-t Leaves washington,
Southern Station Washington, Richmond
and Florida Limited via Richmond and Dan
s.;Iie frsf-class coach to jacksonville and
draring-room and sleeper 10 st. Augustine.
Has A. M.-Daily-U. S. Fast Mail First
class coaches and drawing-room sleeper to
New Orleans. Dining car service.
11.57 A. M.-Week Days-Local for war
renton and Charlottesville.
4:23 p. M.-Week Days-Local for Har-
risonburg and way stations ON Manassas
branch.
1852 P. M.-Daily--LOcal for Warrenton and
Charlottesville.
g.67 p. M.-Daily-New York and Atlanta
Express-Eirst class coach and sleeper to Al
lanta. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays
Sunset Route Tourist sleeper Washington TO
San Francisco.
1910 p. M.-Daily-New York and Florida
Express. First class coach and sleeper 10 ga
yannah. jacksonville and Port Tampa.
Sleeper to Augusta, with connections iOf
Aiken, Summeryille, Charleston ana Atlan'a'
Dining ear service.
1O:21 p. M.-Daily-Washngt and Chat
class coach and sleeping car to Roanoke,
Knoxville, Chattanooga and Memphis. sleep
er 10 New Orleans. Dining car service.
11:O5 p. -Daily-Washingto and South
western Limited. All-Pullman train, elub
and observation cars to Atlanta and Macon
Sleepers to Nashville, Atlanta, Macon, Mem
phis and New Orleans. Dining ear service.
TRAINS on BLUEMONT BRANCH.
Ieave Alexandria at 1851 A. NJ. 100 and
4:55 p. NJ. week days; 9:0S A. NJ. and 6:33 7,
NJ. Sundays only for Bluemont, and 6:S5 r.
NJ. week days for Leesburg.
Through trains from the South arrive at AL,
exandria 6:17, $3.50, 700 and 9:25 A. NJ, and
1:4O and 1853 p. NJ daily. From Harrison
burg 1i:l6 A. NJ. week days and 900 p. NJ
daily. From Charlottesville 500 a. NJ. and
900 p. NJ. daily. M
For detailed schedule figures, tickets, Pull
man reservation, ETC., apply to W. u. III
HEW. ticket agent, Alexandria, Va.
c. III. ACKERT, General Manager.
S. II. IIARDWICK, Gen. Passenger Agent
L. S. Brown, General Agent.
Washington, ID. G.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
LEGAL NOTICES.
COMMISSIONERS OFFICE
125 South Royal Street,
Alexandria, Va. June 10, 1902.

Alexandria, va, June ~, l5UI.
To Samuel II. Lunt, administrator, d. b. n
c. I. a. of Israel C.. O'Neal, deceased, Mar
garet +. O'Neal. John T. Boyd, Sherman I.
Fowler, Paul Il. Evans, 5. Fletcher Dyson, j.
r. Sherwood and Oscar Baggett, trustees
of Trinity Methodist Church, of Alexandria,
Virginia: Annie J. Mallarl, Lewis ]. O'Neal,
John O'Neal Caroline Shields, David Grill
bortzer. II. +. Grillbortzer, trustee, and tc
the creditors of the said /. {. O'Neal.
You are hereby notified that | have fixed
upon FRIDAY, July %, 1902, at 10 o'clock
A. NJ, a. my said Office as the time and place
when an where | shall proceed TO execute
the deere rendered by the Corporation Court
of the city OF Alexandria, Virginia, on the
10th day of June, 1902, in the chancery suit OF
Samuel III. Lunt administrator, d. b. II. c. I.
A. of |. c. ONeal against Margaret +.
O'Neal ct al, whereby am required to as
certain and report:
LIST. All the real estate in this State OF
which the late /. G.. O'Neal died, seized and
possessed, the annual and fee simple value
thereof. anil the liens thereon. their amount
and priorities respectively.
I'd. All the personal estate belonging to The
said testator, |. G. O'Neal, now 10 be admin
istered and in whose possession it Is.
Srd. To settle the account Of Samuel ii.
Lunt, the present personal representative OF
the said estate, and report all debts, claims
and liabilities Of sail a. ,ator, ]. &. O'Neal.
duo and unpaid secure md unsecured, and
all other matters and things that ! may be
requested TO ascertain and report by any
party to this cause.
4th. am also required tc report especially
what interest the said Annie J. Mallard takes
in the house and lot, 3lS Cameron street,
Alexandria Virginia, under the said will,
and what interest the said Margaret +.
O'Neal takes in the houses and lots, 9ll
Prince street and 1914 Cameron street Mex
andria, Virginia, under the said will. The
commissioner is further ordered to publish toI
thirty days in the Alexandria Gazette the
time and place Of executing this reference and
also converting the creditors of the said |. C.
O'Neal to present and establish their claims
which shall be equivalent to personal service
thereof. At which time and place you are re-
quired 10 attend.
Given under my hand ~ commissioner IN
chancery in. the said court. the day and yeal
first aforesaid.
JOHN T. CALLAHAN,
ie10 I'll Commissioner in ChanceIy.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
en-. one That chose to Pay.

The one InHt OhO5c ~
Three men had been out on spree,
and on the way home late at night
they made a wager that the one VINO
did not do as his wife told him should
pay for a champagne supper the foi-
lowing night.
The first one returned home, ana MS
wife greeted him thus:
"Hello, you beauty! That's rlgnt'
knock all the ornaments of the mantel-
piecep
He knocked them all off.
The second returned and on going
into his house fell against the piano.
whereupon his wife said:
"Go on; get chopper and smash II
upg
He did so.
The third returned, and on going up
stairs his wife said:
''You miserable scamp, fall DOWN
stairs and break your neck!
Needless to say, he paid for the sup
per.-London Spare Moments.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
How the Natives Treat GorllIas.

Natives in the countries inhabited by
great apes regard them always as hu-
man beings of inferior types, and it Is
for this reason that for a long time 1t
was found impossible to get hold of an
entire gorilla skin because the savages
considered 1t religiously necessary to
cut off the hands and feet of the ami
mails when they killed them, just as
they do with their enemies, possibly
for the purpose Of rendering them
harmless in case they should by any
chance come to life again.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
Salad Plants.

The salad plants contain no apprecia-
BILE amount Of nutrient and are not
esteemed for this reason by those who
recognize their value and deem their
crispness and cooling properties an in
dispensable part of the ideal dinner.
The nature of their component parts,
along with the oil, acids and condi-
ments used to dress them, makes them
most useful aics to the digestion.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1902-07-10
The Old MINIS Rune.

NY father is real rude to the young
mon who call on me-" confided Miss
Eeedici to Miss Tenspot. 81 don't sup
pose your papa tries to drive young
men away"
"afy papa isn't rude, but he's real
mean to the young men," confessed
Mss Tenspot "He borrows money Of
thom."-Detroit Free Press.