The Topeka state journal., 1902-01-18
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

III Il III
|
A certain politician, whose lifelong
aim had been to become one of the jul
dietary of his state, after unnumbered
attained executive appointment to the
coveted honor. After three four
| months of official service an adTniring
| acquaintance remarked of him:
1.-THE judge sits on the bench like a
| man of long experience, doesn't hep"
why shouldn't hep? returned a by
| stander. He has passed about fifteen
| years on the anxious seat
| Dispatch.
De Lawd made de New Year. en- man
] made de New Year resolution.
| Some people SwearS off by Slamm in
| a door en- kickin' de cat.
| Hit ez much ez some folks kin do ter
| keep deyse'f-much less de New Year
esolution--Atlanta Constitution. =
Mr.. Manley-well, my dear, I've had
my life insured for $4,000
Mrs: M.-How very sensible of you'll
| to be so careful every place you CO.
Philadelphia Bulletin.
| Jaggles-He thought his money would
| get him into society, but it didn't.
Waggles-No; he hadn't enough of it.
| Town Topics.
| Mamma Cat the breakfast table)-You
always ought to use your napkin,
| Georgie.
| Georgie-I am usin' it, mamma; Eye
| got the dog tied to the leg of the table
| with it.-Motherhood.
Dorothy-Pauline. what makes you
SO unsociable?
Pauline-Un I'm not a bit
unsociable; 1 merely don't like society.
Detroit Free Press.
Hewitt-Half the world doesn't know
H<rrr -, 1f,If
Jewett-I think you overestimate the
number of people who lind their own
| business.-Brooklyn Life.
would you rather have something
else than a piece of cake?" asked the
kind neighbor of little Freddie, who had
run an errand for her.
Yes, ma'am,'' said Freddie, prompt
ly; Il would rather have two pieceS."-
Tit-Bits.
And this invention that will, as you
say, throw Marconi in the shade what
is it? "A wireless piano, for use i'll
fat houses. Life.
Speaking of the responsibilities that
riches bring, no sooner have our wealthy
classes learned to pronounce chef
with confidence than "chauffeurS" begin
to come in.-Puck.
Doubtless She Was.-Mrs. Browne
"And who is the president of your club
now, Mrs. Malaprop?" Mrs Malaprop
| (proudly)-'I am the present incum-
brance, just now.''-Philadelphia Press.
Well Begun.-"Have you made any
his friend--"Oh. yes said the hustling
young author, 'Pve selected name and
a press agent. Brooklyn Life.
Papa-"Tommy. if you had a little
more spunk you would stand better in
your class. Now do you know what
| spunk is?" Tommy-"Yes, sir. It's the
past particle of spank. k.''-Chicago News.
A1ice-'T believe Maud's fiance says
that what he most admires in her is her
marked independence of judgment"
Irene-"Yes Shes was the only girl in
her set who would accept him-"-Harlem
Life.
-"She was rather inclined to accept
him till he took a picture of her. That
was too much, so she said No." "I
See- He developed the wrong negative"
Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
Hanson-"There was time I couldn't
| abide Pugleigh; but I declare if he
| hasn't become really agreeable of late'
son-"Yes; he hasn't called at my place
| for a month or two."-Boston Tran
| script.
She-"He kissed me, and then he pro-
posed" He-"Man's usual fate" She
''How?" He-"Lost on the coral reefs"
Philadelphia Record
At the Concert-"His voice has
| good compass" s'Ye-yes; but it didn't
prevent his being all at sea in that
last congratulations Evening Bull
| letin.
Human Nature-Smith-"T goes
a man who hasn't friend in the
world" JoneS-tPOor fellow! How did
he lose his money?"-Chicago Daily
| News
Our Christmas Tea.-Unregenerate
If?-If?-" Unregenerate
Youth-'If 'e don't I'll shove i'm in the
| faice!"-Punch.
Bill-sHow long was your friend, the
artist. working on that canvas?' Will
| Eight years. Took him six months to
| paint it and seven years and half try
ing to sell it.'-Tit-Bits.
Lawyer examining witness)-"Where
was your maid at the timer Lady
''In my boudoir arranging my hair"
Lawyer-"And were you there also?"
Lady Indignantly = Chicago
| Journal
On Their Wedding Trip.-Bride-
Darling, what caused you to pick out
Milwaukee as the end of our. bridal
tour?" Groom-s'It was the farthest
| place I could get pass to."-Louisville
Evening Post.
Not an EnthuSiast.-'tIs he a golf en-
thusiast?" "Oh, no. He pretends to be,
but he isn't. How do you know?"
''Why, he gives up playing when the
thermometer gets down to zero."-Chi-
cago Evening Post.
On the Ark-."This is tough luck"