The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1902-11-16
UPRISING or THE BALD MAN.
Aroused BY sconers, Tie DscOurses tpOn
the superiority OF His Kind.

soV Supussus"y W s'ss sss'u'
I'm getting sick and tired If these bald
jests at my expense" announct d Billikins,
as he settled himself back in his chair near
the window.
As he spoke the lights were reflected
brightly ON his shiny pate. The illuminas
tons seemed more brilliant because of his
presence.
Il can't enter this club but that smiling
idiot. Smithby, comes up and says
81 say. old man. you know what the
Bible says about every hair in your head
being umoered? Then yours must all he
back numbers. Ha, ha, ha"
As soon as | come to after Smithby's
brain-throb | go TO the Mushroom where.
like a. not. | find Jonesly He's pretty
sure 10 come up with some worm-eaten
bon mot about my combing my hair with n
towel.
"On my way up stairs ! most always
meet Snodgrass. Snodgrass has an in
grown smile which he uses on the good
things that he keeps to himself
"'Ah. Billkins, says Snodgrass. i thought
you were coming this way. You look 90
much alike that 1 can never tell which way
you re- going until see your featur
You We all heard that juvenile bit Of
piedSuiNiN dbout lll'it 10Y WHO WdHtttl
mis- hair cut like grandpa s-with a round
hole IN the middle. nat always brings
Ine visions of 1impson. He relieves him
self OF II daily in the billiard room.
jackson mt 40 bad He usually puts
some little mental pearl of this sort on the
market:
Never mind what they tell you. Bill
kins; just you bear in mind that most great
men are born bald jackson has more
seiise than he knows of.
AZ 4 saio, though. IN sick and tired of
| II all, and now that I've got you all here
I'm gong to state my position clearly.
I'm bald, and I'm glad OF II. It's sign
| Of intellect and distinction TO be bald.
Think OF all the panhanders, sandbaggeIs
| and cutthroats that you know of. Is there
| a bald head among EN-: Most certainly
not.
ON the other hand. consider the states
| men. lawyers, doctors and men Of learning
| you've seen. Every other one of ems a
| shiny top.
| Look at the hairy men Of ancient times
| They all went wrong in some way or other
| Esau sold his birthrght for a meas of pot
| tage. and Delilah tangled Samson all up
| in his own hair.
| But to come down to modern times
| When buy a seat in a theatre do get lost
behind hedge OF pompadours and balcony
Not l. MIR. Ticket Seller gives one glance
| at my naked thought dome, sees that I'm
| eligible for the bild-headed row and knows
| wont be satisfied with anything else.
Then, again, never have any trouble
about my hair falling out. And from
what ! can see. the falling out of the hair
| causes most men more worry than fallings-
| out with their families
When j go to get shaved the barber
| can't talk me into having a shampoo when
don't want il. And even if the inclination
were mine, which. thank heavens, il isn't
couldn't possibly go round with my head
covered with hair oil and smelling like a
musk factory
As the bald-headed man paused a mo.
| ment to mop Of the perspiration that had
| begun TO appear in the open space above
his forehead his listeners started to hum
| softly:
An derc was no wool on de top OBJ his head,
On de place whar de wool ought to be.
Vat las?
German Instructor ITO usually late student
| / see you are early OF late; you used 70 be
behind before. and now you are hrst at last
Harvard Lam poon.