Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1902-05-15
BARBER HAS HIS WAY AS USUAL
Man in the Chair Gave His Directions,
But 1t Did Mo Good.

Dut II DIu NO 1000.
Washington Post-The man had a
good head Of hair, fairly long, but not
too long. His jaws were squared. and
he had determined, not to say des-
perate, air about him as he pumped
himself down into a chair in a barber
shop.
Hair cut?" inquired the barber.
The man twisted himself about in
the chair and presented a countenance
hard as nails to the barber
No he said, 4 do not want a hair
cut" and every word sounded like the
impact Of a hail storm on a glass roof
Il want my hair trimmed
Very Well sir" said the barber,
toying with his shears and getting
ready.
mo it isn't all right" breathed the
man in the chair in low. tense tones
Not by a damsite is it all right You
say it's all right, but you're in a trance,
and you don't know what you're talk
ing about. Let me impress this fact
upon you and impress it hard: | don't
want hair cut; | want my hair
trimmed. | want a little bit of hair
taken off the sides and back, and the
rough edges trimmed from the top.
That's the whole extent of the tonsor-
ial work | require of you on this occa-
sion. Let me make it a little stronger.
II you take advantage of my HELPLESS
position as | sit in this chair and
slather away at my mop until you've
got me looking like a ticket-of-leave
man or sparring partner for a mixed
ale pug, then there's something going
to happen to you that you never saw
a picture of even in the Police Gazette.
"If you think I'm Swelling up while
on this topic III make a little explain
alton of the reason why: For about
six months past | have been striving
to have BARRIERS all over Washington
trim my hair. They've all listened to
me when I've asked them decentIy to
trim my hair. and then they've all
gone ahead and cut my hair. Latterly,
| I've been begging them to trim my
hair, and they have all promised TO do
! it, but none of them ever did They
all rolled up their sleeves. spat in their
| hands, grabbed their snickernees and
! plowed my scalp until looked like a
| plumbers apprentice sitting in the
! front row of variety theater on a
Saturday night.
They've framed me up and sent me
| forth upon leering world looking like
a bullet-headed longshoreman, who's
/ blown himself to an Scent treat with
! the clippers in water front mattress
factory, They've gouged the sides and
! back of my head so that the hair 'ud
stand out like dwarfed jibbooms on a
! man-O- war, makirf me look like a
! Bloodfield second-story worker on a
! lay after nifty job. They have held
me up to the ridicule of my family and
! friends, and worse than that. they have
poked jagged holes in my own self
esteem. Now, want my hair trimmed
trimmed trimmed, do you get
that? Do you pass me your word. on
the level, that you'll trim, and not cut
my fax? Hey?'
That'u be all right, sir" said the
/ barber, smiling.
Then the barber went to work and
took enough hair off the mans head
as usual, to stuff a dolls sofa pillow
and when he got through, as usual
J. the man in the chair looked like a var
iety actor just out of his time calIins
upon his best girl. When he bad fin
Ished the man in the chair took one
long look at himself in the glass
!. groaned heavily and staggered fortf
into the street, shaking his head ant
) gibbering hopelessly:-
: IT'S no use. They won't do il. They
must need the hair