Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1902-09-11

goes through the canal-or, rather, a
canal. | say canal, for nobody
knows which route will be chosen,
Nicaragua or Panama Indeed the
signs indicate that a third route-the
Darien route-is to be surveyed there
by wasting more time and making. con-
fusion worse confounded. True, appa-
ratus for digging and dredging has
been improved, as have all things else,
since the digging of the Suez canal;
but, all things considered, it may be
not unreasonable to conclude that boy
babies ROW in their swaddling clothes
will be voters before the canal is
opened There is no sort of question
but that the transcontinental railroads
are all opposed to the building of any
canal whatsoever; hence all the jug
Cling; hence all this superftuous sur
veying; hence Senator Marcus A. Han
mas thrilling grafton on the subject of
volcanoes; hence the defeat of tie Nor
gan Nicaraguan scheme; hence Lemuel
Eli Quigg's doctoring of the Phila-
delphia platform, substituting the
word "iSthmian" fo- the word mica
raguan."
A Great Wool Pulling.
was recently over in Illinois on a
lecture tour and took note of political
conditions in Suckerdom. The Repub-
licans are having great wool pulling
and 70 mistake. Hon. William z.
Mason has his war paint ON anil is 60
ing hot foot after the Hopkins
gang. What the Republican factions
of Illinois are saying about each other
could not be printed in any newspaper
in America without subjecting it to the
penalty of being excluded from the
mails by reason of profanity and OBJ
scenity. 1t will be remembered that
the Yates Hopkins combine rolled Bill
lie Mason at the state convention and
incidentally rolled Uncle Shelby NJ.
Culloln. whose chief stock in trade is
that he possesses a physica; resem-
blance more or less remote to Abraham
Lincoln. They thought that after roll
ing Billie and Uncle Shelby they would
have clear sailing. Not so, however.
The rolling process appears te have in
furisted Mason to the point of mad
ness He is now out for revenge, and
he seems to be in fair way of getting
it. And sweet is revenge. So said Lord
Byron, and he ought to have known,
for he was in the habit of lathering up
his enemies with aqua FORTS. Mason
hoc crnts1 fhir1o oi,,e,
which is goading them into insanity.
Governor Yates machine levied a 5
per cent assessment ON all his ap-
pointees for political purposes, and
now Mason has induced many of them
to institute suit to get their money
back, and the very deuce is to pay. 1t
looks very much as though Mason's
successor in the senate would be a
Democrat instead of Hon. A. j. Hop
kins, Republican.
Bob Williams Just Quarrel.
The best laid plans O. mice and men
Aft gang agley.
So sang Bobbie Burns. His couplet
is likely to find new veriication in
the election of congressman in Illinois
this fall The Republican legislature
last winter gerrymandered the state in
most outrageous fashion. A more un-
fair caper was never cut, but its
fine scheme to disfranchise thousands
of Democrats bids fair to be defeated
For example. the Carmi district. which
j. r. Williams. popularity known as
Bob Williams, represents with so
much ability, they gerrymandered so
as to give the Republicans about 2,200
majority, according to the returns of
1900, but the Democrats propose to
overthrow their plans and to re-elect
Bob with a whoop. He was renomi-
mated unanimously and with great en-
thusiaSm, and enthusiasm is more con-
tagious than the smallpox, the measles
or the bubonic plague. Consequently
there are great fear and trembling in the
Republican camp, for Bob Williams is
one of the best campaigners in the
hnd and one of the ablest men in the
congress of the United States. He is a
man with the courage of his convic-
tions.
Thrice is he armed who hath his quarrel
just
And Bob Williams quarrel is Just
both on political and personal grounds.
He is right politically, and a Repub-
lican legislature tried to steal his seat
in congress by shameful gerryman-
der. 1t is believed on all hands that
be will win out. If he does, he fs presi-
dental timber.
Mysterious.
Hon. Joseph L. Bristow, fourth as
sistant postmaster general of the Unit
ed States, is likely to be known in his
tory as ''the man with the magic
scalp" He is mystery that us, the
way he keeps his scalp on is mystery
not as insoluble and aggrayating as
those other great historic mysteries,
"Who struck Billy Patterson?" and
'Who was the man in the iron mask p
but mystery nevertheless. When
j. Ralph Burton, the rampantest Jay
hawker of them all, was elected to the
senate, he made hurry trip to Wash
ington to snatch that scalp from poor
Bristow's head and announced that he
had succeeded. That was more than a
year ago, and yet Bristow's caput still
retains its hipsute covering. Since then
Burton's newspaper bureau has given
it out fiat that Ralph had Burton's
scalp at his belt, but he hasn't, and
Bristow is up in the woods of Maine
with his capillary adornment intact
Burton has been completely blocked
by Bristow, but new enemies have
arisen for Bristow-Senators Elkins
and Scott of West Virginia, two of the
most Unsuitable pie hunters in the land.
They want the entire bakery. Bristow
was willing to give them long and
numerous slices, but he wanted to re-
tain few crumbs for hungry and
patriots elsewhere. Conse-
quently the West Virginia senators
vowed to do that which J. Ralph had
so often vowed to do and failed to do
that is, to remove Bristow's scalp.
place my sesterces on Bristow. OF
course he's Republican and ought to
be bounced for that reason, but he's
better than Burton, Elkins and Scott,
who banker after his fiossy topknot.