The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1902-06-14
THAT REMINDS Me-

Barber-That man that just went out
has a good head for business.
Customer-That old bald-headed gen
teman.
Barber-Yes. sell him three bottles
of hair remover month
He-so Miss Wiling has gone to
Europe, has she? 1 thought she was go
ing to marry young Smitherton.
she-she would have marble him but
for one thing.
News.
Bring me an oil can. I want to per-
fume my clothes"
What on earth for?''
ITO make people believe 1 run an au-
tOmobile. IN. Y. Herald
%
Stranger-Pardon me. madam but here
on this historic battlefield you are weep
Woman-Ah. me! Ny husband fought
in this battle.
81 see. And he was killed."
No. he lived, and L married him. ~.
You haven't any manners, Jack; why
didn't you offer TO escort that young
woman home?"
oh, have manners enough all right;
but didn't have street car fare
so she has refused you?" said the
native.
'Ah. we said the native consoling-
ly, "a disappointment in love,
Hardly that interrupted the til titled ID
business. Chicago Post.
Bootblack-Shine, boss? I'll polish EN-
up so yer kin see your face in EN-.
Grumpy-Get out of here! ] don't want
a
Bootbiack-I don't blame yer. boss. If
L had face like dat wouldn't wan ter
see it neider.-New York Journal.
'rWhen I rejected Dick he didn't seem
a bit put out. | can't understand 1t.
''Wel I can. Dick is used to 1t. He
used to write poetry and get dozen re-
jections every week. "-Cbicago News.
-
"The bell" said the prosy boarder.
"has almost superseded the knocker."
And that is the reason said the
cheerful Idiot. why it is knocker. -
Indianapolis Journal.
A coach passing along country road
had nearly run over a servant girl, when
the coachman called out: Take care
Sally!'
The girl, without attempting to escape
the danger looked up at the coachman
with an air of offended pride, and said
1T isn't Sally, or any other law, vulgar
Don't you think" I inquired of the
prosperous-looking man with the heavy
moustache and watch chain, who was
dressed in the f4-inch balk line suit
that the world is getting better?'
"Surer' he replied, with the frank en-
thusiasm of success. Not only better,
but easier. Puck.
LandIady-I hope you slept we'll sir?
New ROa rdar-NO I didn't been
troubled with insomnia.
Landlady-Look here. young man: III
give you a sovereign for every one you
find in that bed,
Bad Examples: Brown don't like to
read tales which show how geniuses were
once unruly children.
Jones-Why not?
Brown-They encourage lazy parents TO
believe that their unruly children will
turn out geniuses.
How do yeu like our climate?" he
asked the man from abroad.
We'll. the visitor answered. II like
some of it very much, while considerable
of it is not so pleasant. But | have been
here only about ten hours. Perhaps you
have stI other kinds that / have not
had a chance to iudge?"
"oh, no, not at all. / assure you"
%
why, papa" she argued you know
Arbuthnot never drinks, chews, smokes,
CANDLES nor swears!'
Yes. 1 know the rugged. unromantic
old man answered, but I don't want
chap for a son-fn-law who merely doesn't
do things.
That a sense of humor is not incompat-
IDLE with the straits of poverty was at
tested by one of the weary committee
who constitute the bodyguaTd of the
Dodge statue at Thirty-fifth street and
Broadwav. SAYS the New York Times.
The lunch cart which stands against the
Sixth avenue curbing was unusually
bright the other night when the cart
door opened and a replenished customer
stepped out into the rain. He found him
self face to face with an acquaintance.
Hello" said he.
Hello" said his friend Boarding
here now?''
yes" said he. Capital place All
meals a "a cart"