davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
Amusing Instances of the Extrem c
simplicity OF Country Folk of
the Emerald Isle.

Here are a few samples of the abb.
surdities arising out of the extreme
simplicity of some Irish folk, says
the London Spectator. A young man
came to confess to an Irish priest in
London whose experiences of the hui
mors of his fellow countrymen would
fill book. well, my man." said
the priest, s'and how do you earn your
living?' 'sI'm an acrowbat, your river
ence" The priest was nonplussed.
''I'll show you what mean in brace
of shakes" said the penitent, and in
a moment was turning himself inside
out in the most approved acrobatic
fashion in and out of the pews. An
old woman who had followed him to
confession looked on Mortified. 'When
it comes. to my turn, father" she
gasped, ''for the love of God don't
put a penance on me like that; it 'ud
be the death of mel" I think it was
the same good father, who, observing
that regular attendance at a Lent
mission had done nothing to reform
one of his Pensioners, told him so,
and asked him the reason of it. 'Ah!
father" he replied, 81 can manage
the faith right enough, but the morals
bate me" On another occasion this
priest was called upon to marry
man of whom he knew nothing to
girl of his congregation. On investi-
CATION he found the wouldbe bride
groom's knowledge of the Cath Ole
faith very limited. 'Have you ever
been baptized?'' he asked. "Nell,
father, I can't trust my memory to
that care your parents Hsing?"
"The mother is" "Let's have her
address" This was given, and tele-
gram dispatched to the old lady on
the spot, reply paid. The answer
came in due course: "Vaccinated, but.
not baptized"
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
FOR DISAPPEARING cARRIAGs.
mechanism Opposed bx<Gen- Mile. II
to He Used Even for the Small
Bore Gu1s.

Secretary Root has approved gee
concentrations that the disappearing
gun carriage be used in connection
with guns of six-inch caliber as well
IS with those of larger bore.
This action marks the close of
contention lasting many months
the war department. The carriage TO
be used is largely the design OF Gen.
Crozier, the present head of the ord
nance bureau. It's adoption was an
tagonized bitterly by Gen. Miles. as
head of the board of ordnance and for
LITIGATION.
Congress at its last session. because
of the differences, authorized the ap-
pointment of special board to pass
on the merits of the invention. That
board recommended the use of the
carriage, in. the discretion of the sec
rotary of war, for guns exceeding six
inches in caliber, but suggested that
the use of the carriage for guns OF six
inches or less be suspended
This suggestion recently has been
again under consideration by the
board of ordnance and fortified ton.
and, in the absence of Gen. Miles. the
board has agreed to recommend that
the line should be drawn below the six
inch gun rather than above it; that
the secretary exercise the same dis
erection with reference to it that he
exercises with reference to the guns
of higher caliber, and that the car
riage should be used for guns OF
smaller bore than six inches.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
wait Until 1904

ST. Louis has set apart 100 acres
so per cent. more space than Chicago
had-for her midway. Not only this,
but ST. Louis has planned new de-
parture in n1idways. Her midway is
to be watched over with all the ten
der solicitude that is bestowed on a
Sunday school picnic. At least, that
is the way the beatific vision pre-
sents itself to the enraptured fancy
of the fair authorities. But you must
wait until that fair gets in full swing
and-well, you viii see what you will
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28

st had terrible pains along my
spinal cord for two years and suffered
dreadfully. I was given different
medicines, wore plasters; none OF
these things helped me. Reading of
the cures that Lydia E. Pinkhamss
Vegetable Compound has brought
about, 1 somehow felt that it was
what needed and bought bottle to
take. How glad L am that did so;
two bottles brought me immense re-
lief, and after using three bottles more
I felt new life and blood surging
through nay veins. It seemed as
though there had been regular house
cleaning through my system, that all
the sickness and poison had been taken
out and new life given me instead. I
have advised dozens of my friends to use
Lydia Z. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound. Good health is indis-
pensable to complete happiness, and
Lydia E. PinIKham'S Vegetable
Compound has secured this to me-"
-MRs. LAURA L. BREMER. Crown
Point, Indiana, Secretary Lsdies Relief
Corps. $4,000 forfeit u original of aboue letter
proving SeaufneHess cannot be produced.
Every sick woman who does not
understand her ailment should
write Mrs. Pinlxham, Lynn,
Mass. Her advice is free and
always helpful
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
A Knave of c Conscience
By FRANCIS LYNDE.
tCopyright, l9M. BY Francis Lynde.l

what I suspected. You couldn't keep
your peculiar views muzzled even
while you were writing bit of pot
boiler. That brings us back to the old
contention. You drop your fool So
cialistic fad and write book that a
publisher can bring out without com
hitting commercial hari-kari, and
you'll stand some show. Light up and
fumigate that idea awhile"
Griswold took the profered cigar.
cit doesn't need fumigating; if could
consider it seriously, it ought to be
burnt with fire. You march in the
ranks of the well-fed, cambridge, and
it's your business to be conservative.
I don't, and it's mine to be radical"
What would you have? The worlds
as it is, and you ca MT remodel it."
Eyes, and my kind can remodel it,
and we will some day when the burden
has grown too heavy to be borne. The
aristocracy of rank went down in fire
and blood in France a century ago;
that of money will come to it's end here
when the time is ripe"
That's rank anarchy. / didn't know
you'd gotten so far along"
Call it what you please; names
don't change facts. Listen"-Gris-
void leaned across the table and his
eyes grew hard and the blue in them
was steely-"For more than month
I have tramped the streets of this ac-
cursed city begging-yes. that's the
word-begging for work of any kind
that would suffice to keep body and
soul together; and for more than half
of that time, I've lived on one meal a
day. That is what we have come to-
we of the submerged majority. And
that isn't all; the wage-worker hims elf
is but serf, chattel among. the other
possessions of some fellow-man who
has acquired him in the plutocratic re-
distribution of the earth and the full
ness thereof"
cambridge applauded in dumb show
with his thumb-nails. ssTurn it loose
and ease your mind, old man." he said,
indulgently. 81 know things haven't
been coming your way lately. What is
your remedy?"
Griswold was fairly started now, and
ridicule was as fuel to the flame.
"The money people have set us the
example. They have made US under
stand that might is right; that he who
has may ho1d-if he can. The answer
is simple; there is enough and to spare
for all, and it belongs to ALTO him
who has sown the seed and watered it
as well as to him who has reaped the
harvest. That is violent remedy, you
will say. So be it; it is the only one
that. will cure the epidemic of greed.
There is an alternative, but it is only
theoretical"
s'And that?'
''May be summed up in seven words:
Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thy
SELF When the man who employs
and governs-uses the power that
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28

money gives him to succor his fellow
man, the revolution will be indefinit ely
postponed"
cambridge looked at his watch. ST
must be going" he said; "the .Adelan-
tado' drops down the river at eleven.
But in passing I'll venture a little
prophecy. You're down on your luck
now, and a bit hot-hearted in conse-
quence, but some day you will strike
it right and come out on top. When
you do, you'll be a hard master, or I'll
lose my guess"
''God do so to me and more, if I am"
That's all right; when the time
nation. But before we shake hands
let's get back to concrete things for
the minute. How are you fixed for tn e
present, and what are you going to
do?'
Griswold laughed mirthlessly. 'I am
fixed to run twenty-four hours long
er, thanks to your hospitality. For
that length of time presume shall
to believe is the natural order of
things. After that"
He paused, and cambridge put the
question: "What then?"
ssThen, if the chance to earn it is still
denied me, and 1 am sufficiently hun
CRY. shall stretch forth my hand and
take what I need"
cambridge fshed in his pocket and
found a ten-dollar bill. do that first"
he said, Offering Griswold the money.
The proletary smiled and shook his
head. NO; not TO keep from going
hungry even to oblige you, Balm
bridge. 1t is quite possible that shall
end by becoming robber, as you para
phrasers would put it, but i shan't be-
gin on my friends. Goodnight, and a
safe voyage to you."
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
THE BAPTISM OF BELLS.
A Religious Ceremony of the Roman
Church That Dates Back Many
Centuries.

Bells were solemnly baptized like
children-a custom which is still ex-
tant in the Roman church. This is
probably not a primitive practice,
and cannot be traced further back
than the reign of Charlemagne, says
the Gentleman's Magazine. 1t is first
distinctly mentioned in the time of
Pope John XIII. (9SS) when he gave
his own name to the great bell of the
Lateran church. Sleidan gives an ac-
count of the ceremonial to be OBJ
served. First of all, the bells must
be so hung that the Bishop may be
able to walk round them. When he
has chanted a few psalms in a low
consecrates them, diligently spring
ling the bell with the mixture, both
inside and out. Then he wipes it
clean, and with holy oil describes on
it the figure of the cross, praying
the while that when the bell is
swung up and sounded, faith and
charity may abound among men; all
the snares of the devil-hail, light
ming. winds, storms-may be rem
dered vain, and all unreasonable
weather be softened. After he has
wiped off that cross of oil from the
rim, he forms seven other crosses on
it, but only one of them within. The
bell is censed, more psalms are to be
sung, and prayers put up for its well
fare. After this, feasts and banquet
ings are celebrated, just as at we'd
ding
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
some Average Enrn1nr..

Announcement in the British Med
zeal Journal that the average income
of physicians is $4,000 year has
caused much controversy. Tt is main
tanned that only a small number earn
so much, even after years of arduous
work. In this country some average
incomes are estimated thus: Sur
geons. $4,000; physicians, $1,750; law
yers, $1,25O; journalists, $1,000; cler-
gymen, 5000; artists, $3.50; authors,
$500; nurses, $500.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
Gerrymanders Do not Pay.

The Iowa republicans are talking
about rearranging the congressional
districts of that state so as to make
them soIidly republican. The New
Jersey republicans tried to gerry
mander that state so as to carry nine
out of ten districts, but they spread
the vote out SO thin that they carried
only seven districts. It has been
demonstrated often that gerrymand-
ers do not pay.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
Liberal Treatment of Employees.

The Pennsylvania railroad company
will incur no loss through it's liberal
policy to employees. A ten per cent
increase in salaries, amounting in
the aggregate to more than $4,000, O00
should be an incentive to render bet
ter services. The action of the com
pany is all the more praiseworthy
because it was voluntary. 1t shows
that one corporation, at least, has q
soul.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
He Had Nouev

Little Tommy sat way back in
church with his mamma. 1t was his
first experience Everything was
wonderful to him. By and by the
collection was taken, but imagine the
surprise of Tommy's mother, when
the usher passed the plate, to hear
Tommy say: NO, thank you, I've got
some money of my own."-Detrcit
Free Press.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
Defeat. of the American Army.

We cannot debase ourselves with
out injuring other people. History
shows that three of the most inn.
portant defeats of the American army
during the revolution were sustained
by men who died drunkards.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28

made $1,200,0o0 by his pen. That was
literary genius. In a few weeks Of
comfortable work J. Pierpont Nor
gan made $1o,GOo,00o by organizing
the steel trust. That was financial
1eniuS
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
Where the Shoe VIII Pinch.

If Mitchell gets the increased wages
for the men he will have the sub
stance; if the operators succeed in
eliminating recognition of the union
they will have the shadow. But the
only certainty seems TO be that the
consumer will be assessed the cost in
any event.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
Give Them room to Goure.

The sugar trust, it is reported, has
decided to reduce the price of sugar
to four cents pound in retaliation
apon the beef trust for some alleged
infraction of agreements. The pub
lie will applaud such maneuvers and
feel inclined to eXclaim, with the
frontiersman whose wife was being
chased by an intruder, go it, bear!
Go it, old woman!''
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
Away From the Golden Age.

Suicide of New York school
teacher because her pupils misbe-
haved only indicates how far we have
got away from the golden age of the
rawhide.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28

President Would Ride In Airship.
During Santos-Dumont's call at the
white house some time ago, President
Roosevelt told the inventor that if he
brought his airship to the United
States he (Roosevelt) wanted to bs
the first to ride in it.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
worlds Ta1lest stairway.

The stairway leading to the tower
of the Philadelphia city hall contains
500 steps, and is said to be the tallest
continuous stairway in the world.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
III. Parting Shot

The Actor (about to leave the one
night stand)-That sign on the wall
reads: Accommodation for Man and
Beast" doesn't If?
The Landlord (of the Mansion housef
That's what she doesi
The Actor-Well. I'd advise you to-
obliterate the "man," if you don't want
to be arrested for swindling, some day.
-Plfck
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
1t WIN he More So.

Spain, England, France and Italy.
feel that the trouble in Morocco is
serious" But it will be more so
when they undertake to settle it
among them.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
Berlin's Black Book.

Berfin's black book, the CRIMINAL
record kept by the police, now con-
lists of 81 volumes, containing p .oco
photographs of criminals of ali
ciaS SECS
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
Krows bx Exncrience.

When town man makes little
garden, he thinks every farmer oughs
to be the happiest man on earth
Washington (Ia.) Democrat.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
stiIl They Can Give.

Native Christian women in China do
beautiful drawn work for five cents
day, and out of this small income
give tenth to missionary work.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
CHAPTER II.

The fruit steamer 'Adeiantado,''
outward bound, fell away from her
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
TOPICS OF THE DAY.
Shy of King oscar.

Shy of King Oscar.
1t is probable that Uncle Sam and
John Bull will hereafter refrain from
sending any arbitration business to
King Oscar.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28
IRISH ABSURDITIES.

ITO Be Continued
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-11-28

WHEN WAITING TO ADVERT7zE71
please state that xou en<~ <1-s = -
vef<1senent in th.s paper.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1902-10-30
KEEPS BAD SETTLERS OUT.
The Laws Of Australia Restraining
Immigration Are Very
Stringent.

The commonwealth of Australia has
gone considerably farther than any
other country ia her restriction OF i'm
migrat ton. The "Immigration Restric-
ton Act" which went into effect to-
ward the end of last year, was passed
at the behest of the labor party and
was aimed principally at yellow la
Dor" meaning Kanakas, Chinese and
East Indians. In reality, however, it
can keep out of Australia anybody,
white or black, should it be so desired
The principal clause in the act pro-
yides that no person shall be allowed
to land in Aust ralia who, when asked
to do so by an officer CHE word officer
being defined as an officer especially
appointed, or any custom otficer), fails
to write out at dictation and sign in
the presence Of the officer a passage
of so words In length in n European
language directed by the officer"
There are additional clauses provid-
ing for the rejection Of undesira bles,
but the first is widely embracing
enough for all purposes. The broad
character of this clause was purposely
designed so that any class of laborers,
even Englishmen, might be kept out
of the country if it seemed likely that
they would work for less than the ma
tive. Some of the important indus
tries, especially sugar-growing, have
already been materially affected and
great discomfort has resulted. This is
only one of several differences between
the various states, which have not yet
been able to get the national stand
point and look for the greater good of
the whole country rather than that of
one section.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1902-10-30
DUMPING THE DEER.
One of the Most Thrilling Experi-
ences Which Befall the Hunter
Of Big Game.

Jumping a deer" Is q highly-at.
tractive phrase, quite apt to make
= tingling in the back hair of the
tenderfoot who hears it for the first
time. II Is also intensely satisfac-
tory to the chap who always has T.
shave before wooing nature, says Out
ing. You may, indeed, get good
shot in this way, and it is generally
the only way to see the grandest OF
all the sights of the woods-deer
running through a windfall. To see
the glossy curves of fur curl over the
lofty logs that lie piled on each other
in boundless confusion is well worth
trip to the woods, while for him
who loves the rife as l do, more for
what cannot be done with it than for
what can, there is no such target
elsewhere. But for the tyro who Is
dying to get that first deer jumping
deer" generally means out OF sight
and out of hearing both. For the
deer that goes off to lie down after
feeding does not go to sleep. but to
ruminaIe and take life easy.
Once in great while one falls into
doze, but almost always the head
Is well erect and all senses keen for
danger. And even if one is in a doze
it may slip away without your sus-
pecting it's existence, for sleep dead
ems little of the senses of this wary
animal. The man who wouldn't
shoot such an innocent creature as
deer" should by all means see one
getting out of heavy windfall, while
the man who loves game that can
get away can here find the attraction
of the woods at it's climax.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1902-10-30
Unconscious Humor

Certificates of death are not docu-
ments where one usually seeks for
humor, but there is frequently to be
found IN them much of the uncon.
scious variety, says Pearson's Week
ly. Here, for instance, is how the
cause of death is stated in the case
of iaborer: Died from injuries
received through bull accidentally
kneeling on his chest" The consid-
Grafton shown for the feelings of the
bull is fine touch, and suggests
grave questions on the moral respon
sibility of the lower animals. Again.
n man is stated to have died from
the effects of injuries received after
being run over by a railroad train
in motion, owing to misunderstand-
ing between deceased and an engine
driver" This description Of rather
ordinary railway casualty is excel
lent; it, too, is so tender toward the
feelings of the living.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1902-10-30
PLAY BILLIARDS.
French Physicians Are Sorry That
the Game Is Declining In the
French Halls,

Somebody has discovered that peo-
pie in France are not playing billiards
SO much as they did formerly. Over
this announcement has arisen lam
entation.
Physicians have joined in it as well
as lay admirers of the game. They
declare that its disappearance would
be a. misfortune from a sanitary point
of view.
The game, they say, gives just the
exercise they need to a great number
of people who without it would take no
exercise at all. While involving no
severe physical exertion, it keeps the
muscles In shape, stimulates the cir
culation, helps the digestion and re-
quires just enough mental effort to
give the nervous system rest from
the ordinary worries of life. In proof
of all of which they cite the good
spirits usually exhibited about a bill
lard table.
For elderly people, for the stout
who cannot take much exercise, bill
lizards is pronounced an excellent tonic.
So the friends of the game are preach
ing revival of it's popularity.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1902-10-30
WOODEN INDIANS MUST GO
Tobacco store Signs That Are Con-
demned to Retirement In
New York City.

One of New York's busy municipal
commissioners says the wooden Indian
must get off the walk. If the cigar
dealer needs him in his business he will
be obliged to take him inside and give
him house room. Anyway, he cannot
be allowed 70 cucumber the sidewalk,
saysthe Cleveland Plain Dealer.
OF course it may be possible that the
commissioner is moved by an honest de-
sire to keep the walks clear, and then
again he may be under the influence OF
the Society for Prevention of Cruelty
to Aged Wooden Indians. And, really,
1t must be admitted that there are
cases where Interference would seem
to be justified. There are wooden In
dams of extreme age who are still
forced to do their servile duty at all
seasons of the year, and in the most
inclement weather. With cramped
muscles and ossified limbs they have
stood on guard for many decades.
Many of them are gray and dingy
and weather beaten, but they never
complain. Some of them have cracked
open and lost their feathers, and
warped their fingers, and dropped their
wampum. Why, there are cigar deal
ers so unfeeiing as to refuse them even
coat of paint when the mercury drops
to zero.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1902-10-30
RELIGION OF THE BLANKET.
The Navajo squaw Prays as She
Weaves the Threads OF Her
Beautiful Production.

It is a religion to make a Navajo
blanket. Through the kinky, bristling
Irvine of the warp are woven the hopes
and aspira tons Of an immortal soul
In the warm colors are expressed the
ardors of passionate hearts, the sand.
storms they have faced, the cloud
bursts under which their backs have
bent, the smiling sunshine that has
dried their wool, all the adverse and
good fortunes that have befallen are
wroughtinto the intricate designs. The
squaw prays as she pushes the wool
cart, end she prays as she twirls the
distaff in her hands or rolls it on her
thigh; she prays as she arranges the
heads; she prays as she Justify pounds
down the woofstrands with her scrub
oak 5atten, says the Southern Work
man.
A blanket is all a prayer, a human
document, biography bright with the
JOY tints of canary yellow, dark with
the olive green of pain. One is drawn
to 1t because ones heart Is moved by
its ineffable, intangible humanness.
One is strangely moved to both laugh
ter and tears by its exquisitely variant
colors, each expressing an emotion by
its warmth of blended fibers, each
throbbing to a note of triumph or of