The Savannah morning news., 1902-06-07
THE DIARY OF A KING.
How II Feels for n boy to Inherit
n Throne.


From The Portland Oregonian.
May Ill was crowned to-day. II It
had happened a few years earlier, may
be the royal exchequer would still be
getting remittances from Cuba and
the Philippines. l was a boy when
they got those good things away from
me, and boys are dubs. Now | am
King, and it will pay Edgar Stanton
Maclay and Mary tombstone to watch
my smoke.
May 49, am sorry l didn't get Nor
gan to merge my coronation with Ed
wards. 1t would have been a lot big
ger and would have bit off the long
end of it, because he is getting up his
regardless, and l had to bullyrag the
Cortes for a week to get a drawdown
of a couple of million Mex for mine.
We didn't have anything for refresh
ments but tamales and Dago red, and
neither William Waldorf Aston nor Adj
miral Crowninshield occupied boxes.
May 49, don't like the crown. It's
on a Fall block. and, besides. it's been
hooked about every three generations
by some of my pious but prohigate an
cestors. Every flnancier who had it
submerged took his jack-knife and dug
out a couple of Jewels for interest, and
as a. result il looks like a colander.
I'll put the Cortes OH the rack for a
few more million and buy me a new
one before long. but first l want an
'0S model automobile and a season tick
ct to the opera. I've got my Queen
picked out. She's next to the end in
the front row in the second act, and
she's the limit for a Queen, or I'm no
judge of royalty. / spoke to the old
lady about her, and she threw up her
hands, but I'd like to know who is
King around here.
May 20.-Im about the hottest King
this country ever had. Old Sagasta
got 1ossie with me yesterday because
] refused to sign some State papers l
didn't feel like reading, and | ordered
his head cut off. He asked me if was
medieval tyrant and l told him
that that was me. i let him off this
time, but I've set my Lord Chamber
lain to look for some of the axes my
great great grandfathers used TO use,
and there'll be something doing in the
execution line If some of these antedi-
luvian statesmen get to thinking for a
minute that I'm not IL.
May 21-There's going to be a show
down in this little old country and it's
going to be at an exceedingly early
date. l struck the Cortes for a couple
of millions to give a little supper to
the lady in the chorus. and what does
the Cortes do but tell the old lady OF
course, she takes her troubles to that
driveling old Sagasta. and. TO keep me
from making my dates with the chorus
queen. they've got me locked up here
in the palace. Me. Alphonso. King of
Spain, and ex-King OF Cuba and the
Philippines, locEed up in a room like
a vag of yellow dog. Talk about
your silver mounted outragesl Can
you beat that?
on
down to work to-day got back on
the throne last night. and finding a
new spear-carrier in the bunch, told
him that an old gent with whiskers
was giving me a lot of trouble lately,
and / wanted him pinched. I handed
him q photograph Of Sagasta and told
him to go get him. He did He says
the old man made a holler that could
be heard a mile, but he hustled him
to dungeon down stairs, and / guess
the undersigned will enjoy a little lib
erty until the meddling old foggy
turns up shy.
May 23-That Cortes is about the
stingiest. tightest gang that ever met
up with. / asked them for a million
to go see the Martinique volcano with,
and they passed up the request like
a white check Had an answer to my
letter from the chorus queen, and she's
sore as dog. !, a King, compelled to
break my word when I'd invited her to
the palace to dinner. What do you
think of that?
May PA couple of hungry-looking
guys with bowie knives got into the
palace this morning and began target
practice stunts. / was the target I've
written the following ad. and sent it
to Libertad:
For Sale--One country; bankrupt, but
full of interesting ruins and liberty
loving people; one throne, slightly
worn, but a little gliding and furni-
ture polish will make 1t bright as a
doubloon: one crown, shy some of its
Jewels, but soakable for a good,
round sum still; for sale cheap, as
owner is leaving country. Address
Alphonso. Palace. Madrid.
I regret that : was not able to put
the good will of the business into the
ad.. but my experience with the gen.
tieman met yesterday has taught me
that II would not be advisable. The
chorus lady and ! are going to Ameri-
ca. There Is too much liberty over
here. I'd rather work for Morgan and
call myself a Kisg than be one and
lead the life OF galley slave. I'm too
young 10 sacrifice. anyway.