Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1902-12-17
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Hillis-Whew! Why do you have
your office as hot as an oven? Willis
It's there make my daily bread
Town and Country.
Grandma-So that is your parrot, my
dear! Ethel-Yes. grandma; but papa
says we'd better sell him now that
you've come to live with US.
Why. harold. I'm surprised! You
should wait until the blessing is ask
ed" II did ask NINE" You did?"
Yes: and God said GO aheadr"-
Life.
Glass in history: Teacher-Jamie.
can you tell me why Lincoln Is called
the martyr President? Jamie-'Cause
he has to stand for all the Lincoln sto-
ries.-Ex.
so you are going to get m automo-
DileT' Yes" answered the man who
is always thinking of his health; 1.-THE
doctor says must walk more."-
Washington Star.
Mrs. Fortyodd-A man is as old as
he feels, but n woman is as old as she
looks. Mr.. Oldbeau-Really, madam.
that doesn't apply to your case, I'm
sure.-Chicago Daily News. y
The Browning clubs Of Boston: aIso
you still read Browning in Boston?"
"oh, dear, no. Wefall learned him
by heart long ago. We merely dis
cuss him now."-Chicago Record Her
aid.
Dorothy-say, auntie, is religion
something to wear? Aunt Jtlia-My
dear, why do you ask such foolish
questions? Dorothy Cause papa said
you used your religion for cloak
Judge.
Fuddy-There is one thing about
Flanders that like. He never has
anything to say about his aches and
pains. Daddy-No; but he's all the
time Dragging about his splendid
health. -Boston Transcript.
Miss Wasn't that Mr.. Bonds
l saw you walking with last EVENING"
Miss Coy-Yes. Miss Ascum-He's a
landed freebooter of the county. isn't
he? Miss Coy (blushing) -Well-er-he
1911 NuikC ldAuSu yGts--I h1uuClRhl0
Press.
She was teacher In one of the
lower classes, and she was trying to
remind the young scholar of the letter
r. Now, Tommy, what comes at the
end Of dinner?" "Oh, yes. ping-pong'
shouted Tommy. joyfully.-Yo nkers
Statesman.
Tourist-Do these racing automo-
blles give you farmers much trouble?
Native-No end Nv 1t! It's got 80 now
that when we see dark, funey =
| shaped cloud approaching we DAT
know whether to run fer guDo
cyclone cellar!-Puck.
Forgot HIMSELF: Mrs. Henpeck-We
hev bin married twenty years to-day.
Hiram. Hiram with a sigh)-Yes; fer
twenty years we've fought Mrs.
Henpeck (scowling)-What? You old
wretch! Hiram (quickly)-Lif bat
ties together, AIirandy.-Judge.
No call for leisure: what, you back
TO work, Pete? When saw you fall
off the building yesterday l never e1-
pected to see you work again" II
fought dat, too, boss. But nah wife
done let nah accident assurance ex-
pial last k."-Indianapolis News.
First Comedian-Did you score hit
with your new specially? Second
| Comedian-Did 1? Why the audience
gazed in open-mouthed wonder before
1 was half through. First Comedian
Wonderful! 1t is seldom that an en-
tire audience yawns at once Chicago
Daily News.
Are you the defendant?" asked .
| man in the court room, speaking to an
old negro. mo. boss" was the reply.
81 amt done nothing to be called
names like that. Use got lawyer
here who does the dcfensing." Then
who are you?" Use the gentleman
what stole the chickens"
Education" said the impassioned
orator, begins at home" That's
where you're off," said the calm spec
tator; ut begins in the kindergarten.
is continued in the boarding-scho
football field. Paris, London. and Wall
street, and ends in either Sing Sing or
Newport. life.
Cholly proudly) BY Jove! lin quitA
a professor of swimming, don't you
know. Il taught Mabel Galley how to
swim in two lessons. Jack-Gad! That
was n quick throw-down. Cholly I'm
dignantly)-What do you mean? Jack
why, she let me give her ten lessons
before she learned. Brooklyn Life.
THE new railroad has been great
blessing to u.s." says rural exchange;
"in less than six weeks we got enough
damages out of 1t to build town hall
and grade the cemetery. A few moro
enterprises of this kind. and our town
will rise to heights undreamed of In
the history of new settlements!"-A
lanta Constitution. .
| Easily Explained: Nurse (of insane
asylum)-I can't make out what aill
that new patient. She keeps scream
ing, Mondays in January. first and
third Thursdays. Sunday afternoons.
second and fourth Wednesdays, Tues
day evenings in February" and things
like that. House Doctor That's easy.
She's society woman trying to keep
| track of her friends reception days
Judge.
Science: Wasn't 1t terrifying ex-
perIence," asked his friend. when you
lost your foothold and went sliding
down the mountain slde?' 1T was ex-
citing hut extremely interesting" said
the college professor; 81 could not help
noticing all the way down with what
absolute accuracy I was following
along the line of least resistance."-
Chicago Tribune.
Not Good Likeness.
The little daughter of the house