The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1902-03-28


Teachers who require written excuses
for hardness from parents of pupils
sometimes receive very amusing notes.
Here are a few specimens from il num-
Der received some time ago: Dear sir,
kneaded him after brekfust." \ second
note reads: please forgive Billy for
being tardy. l was mendiny his coat"
Inc third excuse goes more into details,
but is none the less interesting: Mister
sir, my Jason had to he late today. 1t is
:Dase i'll the back today when he wasn't
looking or thinking of her actin; so he
thot his hack was broke, but it amt.
But it is black and blue, and the pane
kept him late. We would git rid of that
cow Of we could. This is the fourth
time she kicked .Iase, bur never kicked
\ girl absent for half day brought the
following satisfactory excuse: Miss
teecher-My dotters absents yesterday
was unavoidable. Her shoes had to be
half-<ole'l. and she had sore throte.
Her konstitu>hm is delikit and it she is
absent any more you can knew that it is
en- account of unavoAabel sickness or
something else. \ boy absent for half
Il day laid the following explanation OH
his masters desk: Dear sir, please eX-
cusc Henry. He went to grandpapa's
funrr'! with me this forenoon. l have
BEEN promising him for several weeks
that he i@ht if he was good, and hr has
been very good. 50 kept my word
The Tattlrr of the Philadelphia Ledger
relates that Rev. Alexander Allison, .]r.,
pastor of The Southwestern Presbyterian
church of that city, in 4 recent sermon
on the subject Of Lying" illustrated MS
text with numerous stories, and one of
thtS' shaved how. even III church. Il
mans false pride sometimes leads him
TO l,revarication. \ young man took
his best girl t" church. and when the
time for "collcction came round. rather
nStentatiOu$ly displayed Il g., gold piece
l'rrSumin" upon the engagement to mar
~ that La, been made 10y her, the young
lady placed a restraining hand upon the
extravaganza George" she exclaimed
''Oh. that's nothing" he replied. IL
always give S. when l 90 to Il strange
church,
Just then the deacon came with the
plate. and George dropped coin. Ev
erything seemed favorable, and the
young man beanled with a sense of sel
crosby. Then the minister made the an
nouncementS for the week, and concluded
with the wholly unexpected announce
ment Of the days collection.
''Tle collection today" said he, was
S3. %.
George hadn't much to say all the way
to his tiancecs home.
Representative Cooper Of Wisconsin
received letter the other morning from
dent III the agricultural college in his
state. 1t read:
II III Il short coarse student at the agrl
college and want diseases of the horse. :"
Representative Cooper is thinking OF
advising the short COARSE young man
where there is an epidemic of epizootic
or CHAMBERS
In certain Midland police court not
long ago an irenworker appeared to an
Swer Il charge of keeping Il dog without
Il license.
The defendant was disposed to inter-
rupt the police constable while that wor-
thy was giving his evidence, but on being
pulled up by the magistrate he decided.
us he put it, ito give 'em plenty O. rope"
At length his chance came. The mag
istrate's clerk turned to him and asked
do you wish the court to understand
that You refuse to renew Your dog IL
ccllSe?'
eve want no butts Renew the IL
cense or you will be fined. You know
it has eXpired?''
Yes; butt
"Rut whatT'
80 has the dog, Shall be fined for
that, too, unless l renew him?'
The court thought not. and as the ami
nal had been dead six months the case
was Observation-Disclosures
$50 YOU wish to leave to get married,
Mary. l hope you have given the mai :
ter serious considerations
"Oh, have, sir, was the earnest re-
ply. I've been to two fortune tcllers
and Il clairvOyant. and looked in Il sign
book; and dreamed on lock of his hair,
and been to one Of those aSterrologers,
and to Il nleejum. and they all tell me to
so ahead. sir. l amt one to marry 1eeA-
less, sir. "-Tit- Bits.
Strange replies are often received by
wives who wake their husbands for bur
glars, leaky water pipes, etc, in the
early morning. Mrs. G.. wife of GER
tain government official in Baltimore. is
DECIDEDLY nervous and has frequently
heard things. One morning last week
she thought she smelled gas. Bravery
came to her myStcrionS]y and she crept
downstairs to investigate. After smell
ing about for some minutes, she rushed
upstairs. called Mr.. G.. then shook him
and at last aroused him. Then this was
heard:
''John, there's leak in the gas pine
in the kitchen. Wen all die if it is
not fixed"
Leaks had been heard of before. and
Mr.. G.. sleepily asked:
lis it a-leaking much now?''
Not mrch:' screamed his wife. and
then as Mr.. G.. turned over this soothing
advise was given:
Put bucket under it and come to
bed."-Baltimore Sun.
\ friend of DR.. Silas Scarboro sends
in one Of his new ideas in dietetics.
aside from the question of cannibai-
ISM says the doctor, land also aside
from the question of digestion, it would
be extremely bad for the constitution to
eat piece of Dutchman with breakfast.
because the diet would h4, ont; III. ~.