New-York tribune., 1902-08-10
THE TALK OF THE DAT.

. ,ood story Is told of twin brothers. OF
whom was clergyman and the other doctor
A short sighted woman congratulated the latter
on his admirable sermon.
Excuse me. madam" was his reply. over tnefe
Is nv brother, who breaches; only practise"
1r15F, CENTENARY OF ALEXANDRA DUMAS.
Sound of trumpets blowing down the merriest
Flash OF hurtlcss nghtnIngs. laugh of thunders
Here should hail the summer day whereon light
Whence the sun grew brighter. seeing the world
Man Of men bv right divine OF boyhood everlasting.
France incarnate France immortal In her death
Brighter birthday never shone than thine on earth
More Of strenuous mirth in manhood, more Of
Child Of Warriors friend of warriors. Garibaldfs
Even thy name is as the splendor of sunbright
While the boys heart beats in man. thy fame shall
Time and dark oblivion bow before thee their
Youth accairns thee gaddest of the gods that gid
Age gives thanks for thee. and death lacks heart
-(Algernon Charles Swinburne, in The Nineteenth
Century ana After.
There is a practical joker in Chicago according
to the papers there, who deserves to be classed
with the doctor in Mark Twains 'lnnocents
Abroad" The Doctors conversation with the guide
in relation to the mummy is hardly more amusing
than this mans conversation with guide in rela-
tion to Niagara Falls. He recently made his first
trip to the falls and guide that he hired was
trying to impress him with their magnitude
Grand" suggested the guide
Great acQuiesced the Chtcagoan. stolidly
.NIagnifcent," persisted the guide, disappointed
at the lack of enthusiasm
Finer than the bear trap dam IN the drainage
canal" admitted the Chicagoan.
The guide looked to If he was joking, but
there was never smile. The Chcagoan seemed to
he interested. but not at all Impressed.
Millions of gallons a minute" explained the
guide.
How many in a day." asked the Chicasoan
"Oh billions and billions said the guide
The Chicagoan looked across and down and up.
as If gaugns the flow. and then turned away disin-
terestedly.
Runs all night too I suppose" he remarked
nonchalantlY.
The guide was dazed and he had not recovered
when the Chicagoan left.
c6 m 4oar Hoy Of Of SeT ABOUT
Author-Oh. lust to work in the local color and
Philadelphia Record
A friend tells me- says M A. p" that ne met
Mr. Ralfour one evening at a dinner party. when
the conversation turned the Importance in life
of self-conhdence. My friend repeated the saying.
God gle us a guid conceit o. oorsels. Mr. Balfour
heard it, and. bending across. added: And that,
sir is the only prayer the gods always answer!
He Had to Die-.'If you refuse me-" cried Moody
without you.''
well. self-preservation is the first law Of
nature" replied Miss Cooley. Il simply coudn'
live with ou."-(Phlladelphia Press.
"a struggling. modest lawyer stroudsburg.
this State" says The Philadelphia Times, re
ceived a call from well to do farmer who in
need of professional advice concerning his rights,
which he thought ignored by a section gang on
the Delaware, Lackawanna and Western Railroad.
The lawyer looked up the statutes told the farmer
exactly what he should do, and. when asked as to
the fee replied Well, let's call it just So The
farmer passed a s. bill. which seemed to
barrass the lawyer, who searched through his
pockets and the drawers of his desk. Then he
pocketed the 50, reached for a digest. sat down
and remarked: Il guess. Neighbor -, I'd best give
YOU two dollars worth advice "
Dolly is going somewhere with that young
YES going. to sit, with him in the hammock.
Right after dinner she went upstairs and put
a dark shirtwalst -(Portland OreSonian.
Queen Victoria. on her last visit to Italy visited
a church at Assist to which she had been COM
mended by the Dean of Windsor and some other
prelates Describing her experiences there she
the dean OF a very devout monk, who escorted her
through a chilly corridor. His head was shaven.
and she asked him If he did not feel the draughts,
wearing the tonsure in the way his order did His
reply not In Italian. as she expected, but in
perfect English, tinctured with Celtic brogue mo,
madame l don't suffer all in that way. You
know. Irish are hot headed racel'
TRYING SITUATION
To have my darling doubt my word
Doth sometimes sorely grieve me,
speechless sit when she's inferred
She didn't quite believe me.
sigh as as though soiti most deeply stirred.
It's tough to have her doubt my word
When I've been lying to herb