The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1902-12-14
MAKING Der WAY IN SOCIETY,
PROBLEMS WHIt'H .tIWAIS CON.
FRONT THE DEM TANTE.
How she May Make Friends for Herself
II Her Mother Has Not Done That for
Her-NhOm she shall ASH 10 Gan and
How She Shall DO u suppose lie ASKS,


How she Shall Do u suppose lie ASKS.
One Of the problems which always con-
front the young girl who has Just been M
troduced to society /. whom shall ask
10 call OF the men | know and the men
will now meet which are TO hc asked to
witt me? And how IT, II TO be done,7 /, -
an important matter Ia the girl v no doesn't
know many men aaG realizes that sha
must have set OF acquaiutancos if she
herself wants 20 entertain or have good
time when she Is invited out
As rule" the young girl who makes her
bow To society knows only the youthful
friends Of her school days. She may have
met some of the older men nj the dancing
c!aSs"S for young girls who are still sup
posed 80 be in -chool Bu' 'hesa men sre
likely to remain only acquaintances who
danced Ni'h her because size was neat
looking little hing, or belonged to family
they know She would not dream of ask
ing one Of them tn come to see her
II her place in society Is very near the top,
her family will know everybody Young
men whom they have never met personally
are the Sons Of their old friends and tk
mother who wants to invite them feels
quite at liberty to do 80 when they figure
at most of the dances at which her daughter
Il likely to be present
In many cases, a woman will invite to a
coming-out dance the entire liz, of persons
who belonged 10 the dancing classes of
which her daughter was a member. Then
the young people Of her entire visit ing list
will be invited As these will generally
include all the persons in a certain sat Of
society. the lady finds herself supplied with
a ready made cir ole Of friends that will
last her for wear or two.
After the Introductory tea OF dance her
mother will begin to invite the most desira-
hle or the most intimate Of these to dinner.
mat will form her daughter'S more inn
mediate circle and there will he no need for
asking any man 10 call on her; nor led
Me debutante trouble herself even a ut
those who most politely ask for permission
70 come. Her supply will last for the
first season In any case.
Then II she does not marry, the girl who
has been out for two or three years will
begin to meet different set Of men Some
or them may not Ire so thoroughly in her
social set. some NAV tie foreigners and
most of them will he older than herself, and
the majority OF men she has hitherto known
ANA these acquaintance will be made
under circumstances that prevent the men
from calling as a matter OF course. II shs
wants them she will he compelled to invite
them.
BY the time girl has seen two or three
years Of society, she knows enough to await
me opportunity to ask gracefully man 10
can on her. II she has met him several
times at dances or at dinners, and knows
that he is the sort Of person who would b.
acceptable to her family as a visitor. she
can tell him that she hopes tn see him soon
again and say that she Is certain her mother
would be glad To have him call. Or she may
mention her day at home and say that she
would be glad to have him call then. Or
II they have mutual friend who has been
caller at her house, she can tell him 10
come some day to see her with Mr. A.
IL she has met a man several times and
knows his address through friends, il is
quite permissible to ask him TO tea ~
musicale, or even dance. She has come -
desire a somewhat broader horizon, and is
now become familiar enough with social
usage TO know how TO invite her friends
properly herself
But In the case of the young women
who do not come into society to find &
social set ahead awaiting them, the ques-
ton OF inviting young men to call is much
more important The girls may have
made sufficient acquaintance 10 know
men enough 10 supply themselves at the
dances TO which they are invited. Or
they may have large enough acquaintance
10 KNOW all they need to know. But they
will be thrown much more on their own
resources than the young women who
belong TO the highest social sets. In these.
Invitations to one another's houses are
Sven WIN more freedom imam In any
other. One family may have no personal
ACQUAINTANCE with another and know
simply that II belongs to the same social
sei; But it is very likely that hostess
will invite the young people Of the other
may give, although there is little or no
personal acquaintance. And all these
traits OF high society are agreeable for
the young woman who Is ing her bow
70 the world and finds everything SO easy
for her.
The other girl. with fewer social adj
vantaRes, although she may be quite ns
literally endowed with good looks and
wealth, will find that she does not know
every man In her set SO soon as she comes
out. chiefly because she does not possess
an organized set in the sense that the girl
IN society does, Nor has she the old
friends Of her family 10 fall back on as
the other girl has. She il thrown on. her
own resources, and while she wants
TO form it with the greatest regard Ia social
propriety and maidcnly modcsty.
There Ia never the slightes, infraction
Of either of these rules when a girl asks
man whom she has met several times to
call on her. If they see one another at
dinner or dinners ard the man plainly
exhibits an interest in her, there Is no
reason IN the wsrld why she should not
invite him. If on the other hand they
other frequently and are plainly con.
genial, man may with propriety be
asked to call or course much will de-
pend on his apparent desire 10 see her again.
That is a question which the girl must do
termine herself.
There is another phase Of the social ques-
tion which every girl j. compelled to en-
counter There are many men who see no
impropriety whatever in asking a girl II
they may call Usually there are two cons
ditions under which there could be no OBJ
lection TO this practice, II man is 80
much Interested in a girl that he must
know her better. and sees no other way.
he may be excused for making such a
request.
Another condition that excuses the man
II he asks to call exists when he thinks
the girl does not really know whether
ne wants to or not and hesita,cs to
Invite him for that reason Then he
ia to be pardor"l for requesting to bs
allowed 20 her again. But under
most conditions. men are inclined 10
look askance al others who sock such
invitations The practice savors too much
Of the social climber
When the girl In whom such request 10
made does not want Ia rrcoivSthc person
who makes il, size is likely Ia find herselt
CDlhaI ra sizing situation Tim -nfast