The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-02-27
THE SHAME OF SHORTY
FERGUSON.
BY HENRY l.. MENCKEN.
Upright, 1902, by Daily story Pub. co.,

Copyright, 1902, by Daily story Pub. co..
Shorty" Ferguson was superintendins
the atIair, and in that sort OF thing NJ
was conceded to be master. NO young n
derkraduate roll was better capable Of
engineering a cane-rush, and none wat
more fttted by nature to be director o.
the revels upon the night following tht
football game. Shorty S" reputation had
been founded when he was a sub-fresh'
man by reason OF his inspired manage
ment OF the Kidnapping OF the sopnomors
class president. NOW he was Junior
and a parsonage Of consequence ano
questioned his supremacy.
AL Of this 10 set down as an excuse
for him. The need OF protecting their
regulations has led many wiser and bet
When the three lower classes OF Bing'
ham College decided to attend the per
Torrance of Romeo and Juliet. at the
bingham Opera House, shorty was
elected captain OF the bunch. by unan-
imous vote. He sought neither the NOM
ination nor. the election, but when notp
came to him, a due regard for his fame
compelled him to accept. 1t would not
do to back down.
The professor of English literature was
responsible for the suggestion that the
gentleman scholars see the play.
1T is seldom" he said to them, that
you enjoy the privilege of witnessing a
performance Of one Of the great master s
tons Of the play with you. ana nope
that you will STUDY it carefully. The
company, OF course, NAV be an lncapaoie
one. but Shakespeare rises superior &c
dependence upon mere Interpretation.
I'VE will CO." replied the student body
vigorously.
Twice a year a travelling company
stopped at Bingham for one-night
stand" At other times the boards OF
the opera house were held by itinerant
"healers,'' starry lecturers and patent
medicine magicians. In consequence, the
townspeQble hailed the advent OF real
actors with unmixed joy and semi-annu-
ally they arrayed themselves in their best
clothes, and sat, spellbound for two
hours In the glare of the footlights.
1t was only occasionally that more than
a handful of undergraduates ventured TO
these performances. for usually the enter
1t induced somnolence before 1t had well
begun. This time. however, all were 60
ing, and as guard against a possible
lack of interest, they proposed to take
These means consisted Of strong lungs,
a supply of spontaneous humor, gross
of tin horns and innumerable wooden
"buzzers." On the score of economy
and to the doubtful satisfaction OF the
manager of the opera house. the entire
upper gallery was engaged. Its hundred
and fifty seats was to accommodate two
hundred and fifty students. The profess
sor of English literature. at reckless ex-
pense. purchased a box. He was burd-
ened with the duty of backing his pre-
cept with example, and the burden
weighed him down.
Still, he had reason for much satisfac-
ton. for there was no mistaking me
eagerness of his flock to drink OF the
pierian spring that he had recommended.
Five minutes after the doors opened half
of the seats in the gallery We're filled.
Shorty" Ferguson. the captain OF the
check at the door. Thereafter the others
began to come in. in squads of three and
four. and bv the time the f1iekering
lights f1ared UP and the four-man or
depths beneath the stage. the gallery was
what is known In the parlance or the
theater. as packed.
With polite attention the studious two
hundred and seven heard the violin and
drum commit murderous assault upon
the overture from William Tell" and
in appreciative composition in rag-tme.
AS the last drawn-out measure died
away, the footllghts fiickered timidly. the
lights in thS body of the house went out
m anager give the handicap signal to the
man In charge OF the curtain. And as
the faded and wrinkled piece of cloth
struggled upward they settled down to
Sampson and Gregory. the retainers of
the house OF Capulet stood in the center
of the stage. armed, as is provided by
dramatic law. with huge wooden swords.
Hardly had they begun to speak when
there came from the gallery volley of
ironic applause. Then followed fan
fare from the horns and a salvo from
the "buzzers." and by the time Abram
and Balthasar strobe from the wings,
the Entertainment" was in full swing.
There was a family likeness between
AM demonstrations of festive undergrad
yates. If they are happy, they yell: II
they are eXultant, they yell louder, and
II they are pessmistic and vengeful,
they yell louder still. 1t was the louder
still yell that sounded in the Bingham
Opera House. AS the retainers of the
Montagues and the Capulets unsheathed
their swords and began their famous
battle the yell came to a sudden end, and
In its place the class wts-and what
class has not its hummelshine, ordinary ?
took their innings. The Professor of
English Literature retired to the rear
OF his box and the opera house "bouncer'
bounded up the gallery stairs. But he
found his way blocked by broad backs,
and strong arms. and so. like the king
of France. he bounded down again. AS
he struck the bottom step there came
Friday. my INTIMATE ENEMY" b,