davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07
SURE OF APPLAUSE.
Sarah Had a Nasal Twans, But She
Was Going to Receive one
Good Hand,

That the theatrical claque is not confined
to p%layhouses was demonstrated beyond all
shadow of doubt to the teacher who was
drilling the pupils for the exercises in one
of the public schools, relates the New York
Times.
The unresponsive bit Of femininity over
whom the amateur coach" worked re-
joiced in the name of Sarah.
When Sarah began to talk all her vocal
organs took joyful holiday and retired in
favor of her nose. In vain the teacher
begged and imploed. Sarah still chung to
her monotone. Then the teacher threat
tened.
Sarah" she said, eff you don't try to
do better you will fail utterly and then how
will you feel?"
"Oh, they'll applaud me, Miss Brown"
returned Sarah, easily. "My mother is
goin' to give my little brother Andy ten
cents, and if he don't begin clappin' the
minute I sit down he's goin' to be tsrapped
within an inch of his life"
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

The earliest mention Of shoes il in
an Egyptian papyrus, about 2,200l
years before Christ.
Cleveland has signed = blacksmith
named Lundborn as q pitcher. He
throws q horseshoe curve.
The possibilities of wireless teleg-
raphy were predicted by James Brown
Lindsay, Of Dundee, Scotland, in 1884.
The Texas authorities are about to
establish q system whereby 1000 con-
victs can be employedson 5000 acres ~
sugar cane land.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07
TOLD IN VERY FEW WORDS.
London has $500 firesa year. .

London has $500 fires a year.
Dundee exports over 1900 tons Of
marmalade year.
The English statute mile Is 1900
standard yards.
Slow rivers Aow at the rate Of
three to seven miles an hour.
Bob Fitzsimmons is now an Amer
loan citizen. He was granted papers
u naturalization n5Brooklynthe oth-
- week.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

"pr. August Koenig's Hamburg Breast
Tea" writes Mr.. Batsch, of Horizon,
Wis, enabled ME to get rid. of an obstinate
~cough;. we feel very grateful to the discov-
erer Of this incidence
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

little, Colds" neglected-thousands Of
lives sacrificed every year. DR.. Woods
Norway Pine Syrup cures little colds
cures big colds, too, down to the very verge
of consumption.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07
ele Discharged.

eelo Discharged.
told by the genial and
Field was about the pro-
IA theater, whose knowl-
terature was extremely
the Improvements at
1ason, his attention was
drop curtain.
stage manager, he in
II picture, anyhow"
NE stage manager, SIS q
Angelo"
good, growled the pro-.
his salary and let him
Ledger.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

Years Of suffering relieved in a night.
Itching piles yield at once to the curative
properties of Doan's Ointment. Never
fails. At any drug store, so cents.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07
Making R~euaratfon

Customer Ito head waiter)-Here, sir,
this clumsy fellow spilled over half ! cup.
full of tea down my back.
Head Waiter Ito waiter, sternly)-Bring
this gentleman a full cup of tea Instantly
London Punch.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

As far as this world is concerned, d SPOT.
less character is often worth less than the
ability to arrange the spots artistically.-
Puck.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

of our forefathers have
80 much, and, by such
ktesmen, that il is not al
ide which point,
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

st may be taken as a formal notification
that the campaign is on" said the large
WASTED philosopher, when the candi-
dates begin to say: This is on me. I'm.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

Possibly frankness would not seem so
brutal if we were more accustomed to it
Indianapolis News.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

in kickin' case every rose
Reaid Uncle Eben. "Ef dar
rms wifout no roses, it I'D
cough to complain about"
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07
Kctfng Fame.

Mmmer-I see . Philadel.
up the other morning and
amer-Well, that was.
him famous, wasn't it,
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07
Impertdnent Query

1"pe1tuhent Query.
- III admit that De Jones Is a
handsome fellow, but he's awfully CON
she--Well, wouldn't you be conceited if
you Were handsome ?1Chicago Daily News.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

One trouble with the pursuit Of happiness
ls that other people do get in the way
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

Il IN Degree.
erence between a mono
me, pa??"
my son, is a mans wife
lSnd a dialogue is his wife
talking to him."-Town
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07
IA LIFE.
tes publicity and
pie testify when life

PIE testify when
Nth . bad back is in
1cks are but kidney
prove fatal.
ache is quickly fol-
uent urinary dis
Of the urine, pain.
sbetes, Bright's dis
1ch troubles a be
-Mr. WalterI No
acob street, Wheel
Shine hand working
Sons planning mill,
believe had I not
Pillsswhen- = did
We now. / was IN q
end a1thnuuh T
1edicine, and was
fs, I got no better,
spoke 81 mys bad
thousands KNEW
hardly get around
Ted like Fsdead man
ki1g Ghen 'Doan's
nr@ 81 die Logan
we1e Blessing to
nelieyea m three
rkd NET
Lof t~hissgreat kid
Och cured Mr.. Nc
mailed on applica-
fof the United States.
dilburn Co., Buffalo,
N all druggists, price
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07
Where It

Where 1t Originated.
Robbins didn't think you had any idea
of marrying the widow.
Newlywed-I didn't; it was an idea of
hers.-Smart Set.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

silence is wisdom-how few ever find ii
out!-Puck.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

any difference how some
sheyHalWays get them
Rlis News.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07
the E1pert.

the Expert.
Strange body in your
1gthe expert manipulation
subjs:: Il have felt
however" proceeded the
is your missing false
wife's biscuits. -Bal
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1902-11-07

q to think that industry
other people what to do.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-08-07
THE KNOCKER AND
THE KNOCKED.

NE Sunday morning st.
Louis and I were sitting
under a tree at the foot
of one Of the hills on the
west shore Of the Missis-
sippi river. Within ten
wards Of us was a fine
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-08-07
European Coins.

The standard coins on the con-
tinent are: In France, the franc;
in Spain, the peseta; in Italy, the
Ira; in Holland and Austria. the
form; in Germany, the mark; in
Russia, the ruble.
Belgium and Switzerland use
the French name for the piece of
20 sous. Each Of these pieces is,
like the American dollar, divided
into 100 parts. called kopeck in
Russia, pfennig in Germany,
kreutzer in Austria, cent in Hol-
land, and in Italy, France and
Spain by the word meaning hun
dredth. Elk.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-08-07
noted Correspondent and craveler.

:
Few newspapers in the United
States are able to command the
service Of as brilliant corps of
correspondents as that of the
Chicago Record Herald. Its choice
of Washington correspondent is
indicative Of the Record Herald
policy of obtaining the best there
is to be had. Walter Wellman,
the well known authority on po-
litical subjects and one of the
ablest writer's of the day, acts in
that capacity,
Mr.. Wellman was born in Mem
tor, Ohio, Nov. 3, 1858. At the
age of Ia he began his newspaper
experience, establishing at that
age a weekly paper in the little
town of Sutton, Neb. In 1878 he
returned to Ohio, and a year later
established the Cincinnati Even
ing Post. In 1884 he became the
Washington correspondent to the
Chicago Herald, and in 1892 he
visited Central America and the
West Indies and located the land
ing place of Columbus on Wat
ling's (San Salvador) Island, and
marked the spot with huge stone
monument. Mr.. Wellman's dashes
to the north pole are well known.
In 1894 he made the first of his
two arctic voyages of exploration,
reaching the latitude of 81 degrees
northeast of Spitzbergen. In
1898 he returned to the North,
penetrated to Franz Joseph Land,
returning again to this country in
1899. On each trip he met with
wonderful success in the discovery
of new islands and lands and
brought back with him scientific
data and information Of great value
to the American Geographical
Society.
Mr.. Wellman has been a volu-
minous writer for scientific mag
azines and popular periodicals.
On return from his arctic trips he
renewed his connection with the
Record Herald and is now the
Washington correspondent of that
paper. His incisive discussion of
contemporary affairs has given him
a high place in the regard of
statesmen and scientists of the day.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-08-07
n CelebratedaGcat.

On April %, 1772, there died at
Mile End celebrated goat. She
had been twice round the world,
somewhat of a feat in those days,
once on the discovery ship Dol
phin, under Captain Wallis, and
once on the Endeayour, under
Captain Cook. She was admitted
to the privileges of an in-pensione1
Of Greenwich hospital by warrant
Of the lords Of the admiralty, but
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-08-07
SantOS-DunlOnt.

The Brazilian aeronaut, Santos
Dumont, is man of wonderful
nerve. Twice has he met with an
accident in midair serious enough
to have proven fatal, yet both times
his cool head and steady hand
have saved him. Consider the
peril of aerial navigation land the
dangerous position of the aero
naut when alone with his machine
far above terra firma. There is
nobody near to consult, no aid
within reach and if anything hap
pens to the delicate mechanism of
his machine the aeronaut must act
quickly and coolly or death is in
evitable.
The press and periodicals have
made US very well acquainted with
the intrepid navigator of the air,
and if report be true he possesses
"a charming personality and looks
upon his feats of daring in mod
est, matter of fact manner. He is
of slender build and not thirty
years of age, and there is little
about his portraits to suggest the
yenturesome spirit, except the eyes
that look out so steadily from the
portraits.
Santos Dumont is an enthusiast,
but not dreamer, for he is very
practical and sees no visions. He
has done much to solve the prob
lem of aerial navigation and has
demonstrated that machine can
navigate the air ut the will of an
operator just as a machine can be
made to travel on land or over the
surface of the ocean or within its
depths. Others will perhaps add
improvements to his machine, and
this is what he coyets and desires,
for he realizes there is plenty Of
room for improvement in this new
branch Of mechanics.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-08-07

thing. Remember, all the pies are
not baked for you, nor have you
got mortgage on the best and
biggest piece of meat. And the
quicker you get the notion out of
your. head that you are just a little
better than anybody else, the bet
ter it will be for you. And re-
member you re not the only
pebble on the beach. Other men,
perhaps, know as much, and pos
sibly even more than you do, but
they may not be making IS much
noise about it. And they have
rights which you must respect.
You will find that minding your
own business and acting on the
level are the best anti-knocker
recipe in the market; in fact, they
are guaranteed to kill off knockers
faster than frosty weather does
mosquitoes.
Just then we heard the dinner
gong, and st. Louis gave me a
queer look, and then walked to-
ward the boarding-boat, | re-
NAMED where I was; the old vii
lain had spoiled my appetite. Yet
a conviction came stealing over me
that he had told me the truth. |
slowly began to realize that per-
haps the boys were not SO mean
after all, and I confessed to my
self that / sometimes had been
rather mean myself, and decidedly
hoggish. | spent perhaps two
hours thinking it all over, and the
more I thought the cheaper | felt
inadvertently I put my hand on
my head CONSERVATION seized
me! That part of my Uranium
thatwas once occupied by mound
like bump of self-esteem in which
| took great pride, had subsidized.
Collapsed! | never believed in
phrenology till then. st. Louis
had taken the conceit out of me,
and my bump of self-esteem
which is but another name for self
conceit- had disappeared, and in
stead Of door mobilize elevation,
[ discovered a cavity which | have
not been able to fill to this day. I
did not resign. Nor did I quit.
But I followed st. Louis advice,
and have had no cause to complain
about knockers since.
HIRAM SLoWGo, JR.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-08-07

Santos umont is q practical
mechanic and constructed the
mechanism Of his first airship al
most wholly with his own hands.
There was little to guide him in
his work, for the field was new,
altho the problem was old, and
one that had nonplussed many
previous inventors. A suitable
motor to drive the machine had
heretofore been the stumbling
block of inventors. Electricity
looked all right on paper. but the
weight of a battery sufficiently
large to store the current of energy
needed rendered the use Of this
agency impractical; steam was out
of the question, but Santos-Du-
mont, against the protest of French
aeronauts, introduced the petro-
leum motor into aerial machines.
It is to be hoped that Edison's
new storage battery will prove
successful, for it will greatly help
in the future success of aerial nav
igation. Petroleum motors, how
ever safeguarded, bring the pres
ence of fire too close to the, huge
bulk of gas within the silken case
above. M. Cevero, the aeronaut,
lost his life recently by spark
from the motor of his airship
igniting the escaping gas from the
safety valve of the balloon envel-
ope.
To ascend above the earth the
inventor had only to utilize some
element lighter than air, but when
lifted by his balloon into space
the huge bulk was at the mercy
Of the winds. Santos Dumont has
made the lifting power heretofore
used only as a means of ascension
the agency by which mechanism
is poised in the air which drives
the balloon envelope at will. In
fact machine that can be steered
about in the air the same as a
ship is piIoted in the water-a
mechanical problem applied to a
simple proposition in common
sense manner. Santos Dumont's
whole life has been devoted to
aerial navigation and the success
he has had is due to hard work,
persistent application to vexing
problem and an early training in
practical mechanics. He announce
les that if some one will furnish
the funds he can build an airship
that will cross the ocean in two
days between England and Amer
ica-a and I for one believe him, for
he has the nerve and never boasts
unless he can make good. The ex-
position to be held at st. Louis
in 1904 will devote considerable
space to aerial navigation and has
invited inventors to compete for a
prize to be given for the most
practical method of navigating the
air. Santos Dumont has been to
ST. Louis and consulted with the
fair officials upon the competition
for this prize and perhaps by that
late day will have something to
surprise us with. PENDENNIs.
Gurcpean Coins.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-08-07
|. ". LEITHHEAD DRUG co.
WHOLESALE DRUGGISTS AND
IMPORTERS.
DULUTH
MINI.

Everybody, suffering from headache buys the
celebrated "Leithhead's Headache Wafers." A
speedy, certain and safe cure for Headaches of
all origins, whether Sick, Bilious, Nervous or
Hysterical, and a>positive relief in Neuralgia.
Price Is cts. For sale by all druggists.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-08-07

before she could avail herself Of
the honor she died. DR.. johnson
wrote a couplet which the distin-
guished animal for some time wore
round her neck. London Opin-
ion.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-08-07


5N>S / under tree at the foot
IM / of one of the hills on the
lW i west shore Of the Missis-
4 sippi river. Within ten
Yards Of us was fine
.spring of water one of those
springs that make you thirsty
every time you look at it. st.
Louis had just been telling me
about the value Of water as bev-
erage; that for everyday use it
leaves tea, coffee, beer, whisky,
wine and all other infusions or
LIQUIDS, distilled or fermented,
miles in the rear, and that, it our
villages, towns and cities were pro-
vided with fountains not more than
a quarter of a mile apart, at least
two-thirds of the saloonkeepers
would have to quit their business;
and that the overworked temper
ance orators would then find time
to mind their own affairs; because
one fountain giving forth pure
water would, so far as practical re-
suits are concerned, be Of more
benefit to a thirsty people than
ten temperance lectures, or double
that number of shorrible exam
pies" But [ paid little attention
to the chunks Of wisdom, or non
sense, st. Louis was SO freely
.spouting at me, for [ had troubles
of my own, and, of course, consid-
cred it my duty to give them an
airing.
'St. Louis said I, Il am going
10 resign"
Resign what?" he asked.
@'My situation" | answered.
"What's that?' he queried
"'The position I fill"
<tOh, you mean your job. What
wages are you drawing?''
"I draw $50 month"
""Then you can't resign. A man
who draws less than $75 month
can quit, but only those who draw
$75 or more a month, can resign.
But what's the matter, Hiram? Is
it the weight Of your great respon-
sibilities since you have been pro-
NOTED to straw-boss that causing
you to take this rash step?'
"It is not. But the fact is, St.
Louis, there are altogether too
many knockers here to suit me-
"Whew! you don't say! Say,
Hi, while we are taking it easy on
this blessed Sunday morning, lei
me tell you a story" Without
waiting for lay consent he deliv-
cred himself of the following:
''Once upon time there was
young man whose name was
Ogwols Marih. Dunn queer name
amt it? Well, he was dunn
queer fellow too. This young fell
dow went to work on the river fol
a contractor, whose sons he had
become acquainted with in the
city. Aud this young fellow put
on airs; he thought himself just q
little the best that ever happened.
In the evenings, instead of-playing
cinch for the noses with the boys
upstairs, he played seven up with
the cook, and the clerk, and the
contractors sons, or foremen, fol-
40 cents a corner. This caused
his head to take on the shape of g
large sized spunkin;' but many be.
lieved that more matter could be
found in even a small .punkin
than in his head. He got out Of
all the hard work; he got onto all
the soft snaps, and he made him
self disagreeable in hundred diff
ferent ways And when through
the influence of the contractors
sons he was promoted to straw
boss, his head swelled still more
and he acted for all the world like
she man the poet wrote of.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-08-07

GQOS6s lilies, Uut L Ill AOt SURE. ally
way, he's the only poet | know Of
with enough sense to write such
stuff. Well, the boys at first only
grumbled. As he got worse they
swore. And at last, in sheer self
defense, they were driven to knock.
Now, Hi, the knocker is mean
animal and the best of men some
times suffer from his meanness,
but you may set it down as gospel
truth that the man who is always
knocked, or always complains OF
being knocked, is meaner than the
meanest of knockers. And you
can also set it down as an estab-
lished fact that the man who wants
more than his share of the good
things Of this world, is going to
get it in the neck, sooner or later.
And let me whisper in your ear a
few words of truth shat are too
precious to be spoken aloud: The
man who always complains of be-
ing knocked will himself be the
very first one to knock if he thinks
he can make anything by knock
ing. So, Hiram, if the boys
knocked this stuck-up fellow | am
talking about, you can't blame
them. They didn't knock hard at
first. You see they wanted to give
him a chance to reform. When he
refused to reform they knocked
harder and yet harder, till he was
ready to cry quit.
First one man Knocked and then another,
And then the whole push knocked together,
as Arkansaw Tom puts it, in his
beautiful poem, entitled The
Knocker and His Ways So you
see, Hiram
Eyes, I see. You old fool, why
don't you speak out plainly and
say you mean me instead of Ogwols
Marih. Don't you think | see
through your fimsy attempt to
hide your true meaning?"
st. Louis looked at me for a
while without saying a word.
Then he suddenly was seized by a
fit of laughter that seemed to rob
him Of all self-control. He would
roll on his back and hit the ground
with his hands and feet; then he
would roll on his stomach, hide
his face in the grass, and poke
| himself in the ribs, but all the
time keeping up an idiotic laugh
ter, as if he had inhaled bushels
of laughing gas. At last I brought
him partly to his senses by a few
kicks, judiciously delivered on that
part Of his frame where they would
do the most good, and asked the
old fool what in the name of Carrie
(dam) Nation he was laughing
about. 1t took the old imbecile
at least ten minutes to straighten
his face, and even then. he had a
hard time to keep his phiz free
from laughing kinks. Then u
brilliant idea, full grown and ready
to take its place along side the
ideas Of other master minds, sprang,
Pallas-like, from my pregnant
brain: | handed him large cut
of plug tobacco, and he took such
a mighty bite of it that it sobered
down his features at once, and in
less than a minute he looked as
solemn as an owl. Then he said:
/ Hiram, by the great horn
spoon, you're a clever lad. You
are too shrewd for me altogether.
II never even dreamt you would
guess whom l was talking about.
You've got Henry Clay head on
your shoulders; no wonder the boys
say it's filled with mud. Now, say,
I'll be hornswoggled if there are
many who can look through things
as you can. Gosh, but you're
smart! But say, Hiram, will you
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-08-07
BASEBALL.

Standing of the Clubs in the National
and American Leagues, and
American Association.
August g.
Tombstone epitaph., 1902-08-10

A whole carload of Chinamen pass ed through Tucson ob No . Isst nis sht. They are enr oute to San Francisco, where they will be deporied for being in the Uoited States contrary to law |. Arizons added its usual quota oi oe'es- tials to the number from Texas and New M.Iioo. One was put in the Car at B p~ie, 6, I'd i've =c.A added to tha list from Tucson. United S.-::c. Msr-hsl McCord left on the train i,r San Francis sco with the Arizona pris. oners in charge. .-Citizsn.
Tombstone epitaph., 1902-08-10

A typical old burro prospeosor got on th w.,'bouud P train at Yuma !. He took c vacant seat nextto . young lady tourist from the east, ubo was evi dently f,bd with much oi the TO nance of the wealth of mining in the west. Like gushing msidens will, her imagination began to weave a web of romance around the quiet old man by her siue and she began to shy c a few questions at him and found be -ss . p6ospeoto'. "Ho= long Lsra you been proeps cting.' she asked. ''For thirty yesrs, Mise, was the answer. "Ha7e you ever made rich striker No, yet, Mise" "Whs ! Been prospecting for thirty years and haven. struck it rich yeti" she asked ia astoui-hment. q will qualify that . lis,l1 ;" replied the prospeosor in the respectful manner of his class when in the presence fl ladies, "I was bunting burros twenty five years of that time"
 l. is not rec 1rded whet hsr the young lady had her thirst for western To-. mances entirely s.tisfied or not.