The Black Hills union. [volume] (Rapid City, Pennington County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1889-1904, 1902-01-10
THE WAY IL HAPPENED.
When the lrate Citizen Came to In
terview the Editor.

tervtew the Editor.
Washington Star: The gigantic citt-
zen with the tremndous shoulders and
the gnarled, ham-like hands, ponder
ously mounted the stairs Of the office
Of the Hayville Kazoo. Perceiving the
word editor on of the doors near
the landing, he turned the knob and
walked in without knocking.
The editor, a tall, wiry, nervous, but
notwithstanding man, sat in his
shirt-sleeves at his desk putting on a
ccrncob pipe. He didn't ook alarmed
at the menacing aspect presented by
his huge visitor, although he must have
been aware that the visitor meant mis-
chief.
The vast man clomped over to the
oesk OF the editor of the Hayville Ka-
zoo. stuck his fiery red countenancc
Wltnln an inch of that Of the editor ana
bawled: .e~
this rag?"
Sir" replied the man at the desk.
amiaply and without the slightest sign
u ~repldatio Il am the editor of this
newspaper"
You are, hey?" growled the gigantic
man with the tremendous shoulders,
pulllng a copy of the Hayville Kazoo
from ms rear pocket and spreading it
out SO as to reveal the editorial page,
Dld you write this slush about me?"
poihtlng with a foretinger of about the
si1e OIL an eastern shore cucumber 20
the leading editorial on the page.
Inc editor carefully removed his
corncob pipe from his mouth, laid itson
tne desk, scratched his head good.
numoredly, smiled quizzically at his
mug visitor and replied:
.Uh-huh, I did"
You did, hey?" roared the big man
restoring the newspaper. folded, to his
rear pocket. And you've got the gall
to sit there and acknowledge it. have
you?" a'o
.Oh,huh.' replied the editor of the
HayVille Kazoo, yawning slightly.
yep, wrote it. Why"
"Why?' Numbered the man whose
shoulders were almost four feet across
ana whose stature was in accordance.
Why? Say, you-you mollusk, do YOU
know what I'm going to do with your
Well" replied the still cool editor
or the Hayville Kazoo, It may have an
to do"
You think you have, hey?" bawled
the big man, as he started to remove
MS long black frOck coat. well, let
me tell you something, Bill. You
haven't got no inkling whatever OF
what I'm going to do to you I'm jusr
going to saw and split you and smoke
house you, and hash you up, and salt
you away. That's what I'm going to
DO with you. I'm going to make you
look like five cents worth Of lard in a
brown paper bag"
The editor of the Hayville Kazoo
smiled again, pushed his chair back,
stood up, stretched his arms and then
he
! Now. If the penman of this strictly
Veraclous narrative had been brought
up IN the comic supplement school of
Journalism, and If, therefore,, he were
an habitual distorter of the everyday
affairs of life for the sordid purpose Of
ok1 filters from non-penetrative
readers, he would, at this point pro-
coed to describe how the editor of the
Hayville KaZoo suddenly shot out his
trusty right, caught the huge man on
the point of the jaw, felled him like a
sm1tten steer and then proceeded to
walk the Spanish fandango over the
gigantic mans frame; or he would tell
how the editor Of the Hayville KaZoo
executed a quick movement of his right
foot, touching Herewith a button that
started a lot Of trap mechanism to
working, thereby dumping the vast
ma through a hole in the floor into
the basement, where the one printer Of
the establishment proceeded to turn a
powerful 4-inch hose on him: or, again,
he would tell how the editor Of the
Hayville Kazoo made q swift dive with
his right hand into an open drawer of
his desk, yanked gu a big horse pistol,
leveled it on a line with the forehead of
the huge, trouple-hunting man and sar-
donically ordered him to throw up his
hands. then marching the big man in
front Of him down the stairs and
through the main street of Hayytlle,
to the rapturous delight of the pop
ulace.
But this penman is not a product Of
the comic supplement school Of jour
nalism, and life would not be worth
the living to him If he were not per-
nitted to chronicle the facts Just eX-
actly as they happen. Therefore
The editor of the Hayville Kazoo
smiled again, pushed his chair back,
stood up, stretched his arms and then
he got a biff in the left eye from the
ham-like fist of the huge man that
caused him to see more colors thar are
contained in the annual catalogue of
q paint manufacturing concern. And
then the vast man pranced in and
picked up the editor of the Hayville
Kazoo and busted the entire plant with
him for a period Of about eight min
utes, after which he carried him up to
the roof, GUS him in the water tank
to fetch him around to semi-conscious-
ness and then he toyed with him for
about eight minutes more, after which
he carefully washed his hands at the
sink, donned his long black frock coat
and departed. leaving the editor of the
Hayville Kazoo in a confused trance
on the top of a big pile Of old ex-
changes.
That's the way it actually happened.
1t may not be set down in accordance
| with the code Of the screech-teasers,
but the writer an help that. He
doesn't frame ZIP these occurrences. but
when they occur It's his function to
narrate them tr%uthfully, laugh or no
laugh, and at n sacrifice Of time ana
money.