Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1902-12-27
JOBSON'S CHRISTMAS

On Tuesday evening last, at dinner. Mr..
Jobsou addressed Mrs. Jobson as follows:
+ II s'pose you have 1t all figured out that
you're going to make a raid on Center mar
ket tomorrow, and come sailing home here
with a bushel backet full of truck for the
Christmas dinner, haven't your
II expect to do some Christmas marketing
tomorrow-yes,' was the way Mrs. Jobson
amended it.
We'll, you've got another guess, Mrs
Jobson." said Mr. Jobson, folding his nap
kin with great elaboration. THE only
marketing you're going to do tomorrow Is
to buy a pound or so Of sausage meat and
enough buckwheat to make up few buck
wheat cakes for the Christmas morning
breakfast There's not going to be any
Christmas dinner under this vine and FIG
tree this year"
mo Christmas dinner?' said Mrs Job
son In a tone of surprise. why, what on
earth" .
Il mean just what on earth I say"
broke In Mr.. Jobson. There Is going 10
be no Christmas dinner cooked in these
dieEInzs on Christmas day We're going to
eat Christmas dinner downtown at one Oh
the hotels
Mrs. Jobson's face fell
do you think that will be-er-exactly-
homelke-for ChristmaS?' she asked him.
IT don't know what it will exactly-er-
be-" replied Mr.. Jobeon, but l SIMPLY
state the fact. No Christmas dinner Is TO
be cooked under this roof this Christmas.
This thing of framing UP q barbecue WIN
an eighteen-pound turkey every time hoii-
day comes around In a house occupied by
only two people isn't going to happen any
more in the Jobson family. A Christmas
dinner participated in by only Two people
that have been looking across the taple at
each other as long as we nave. ana that
have got nothing new to say 10 eacn
other, is a mighty dismal sort OF an anair
I'll - lott
But won't it SEEM" said Mrs. Jobson.
Understanding the thread OF custom
like"
Like cutting the hawser of habit?" In
terrupted Mr.. Jobson in an Initiative sor.
of way well, I'm tired Of conforming
to custom and habit all the time, Mrs. JOB
son. Besides, the kind of Christmas ON
ners that you rig up for two people IS SIM
ply wantonly wasteful, that's all. You &c.
a turkey in the first place, as big as
giant condor of the Andes, and before that
turkey gets out Of the house I'm on the
verge of nervous prostration-cold turkey
on the day after Christmas, then turkey
soup the next day, then mess OF turkey
hash for the next mornings breakfas-
and so on. And then this thing of getting
a huge fruit cake and about ten POUNDS OF
plum pudding and putting on the taois
enough vegetables and trimmings to stun
a boarding house-it's not only foolish Mrs
Jobson. when there are only two OF US, put
it's sinful Moreover. there's no particular
reason why you should spend your Wnole
day dog-robbing around In the kltcneh-
Christmas was not intended for any such
nonsense. Wen just take 1t easy after
breakfast, and then We'll put on our duos
and go down town. whenever we ge!
hungry in the afternoon, and get swell
Christmas feed at one of the big hotels
and there won't be any table to be cleared
off nor about a ton or so Of good food to
be grabbed out by the servant girl to feed
a whole alley of idlers.'
Well said Mrs. Jobson, deprecatingly,
'it win be the first time in our married
life that we ever took Christmas dinner
away from home. and
Eyes, and it'll be the first Christmas day
of 1902 that you'll ever see, and the last
one of that year." broke in Mr.. Jobson.
I'VE have done a whole lot of imbecile
things in our lives that there's no need for
us to keep right on doing.
I'm afraid that you won't be satisfied
with any hotel Christmas dinner" ven
tured Mrs. Jobson, land 1 am perfectly
certain that If you are not you will blame
me and
Madam cut in Mr.. Jobson sepu!chral
ly, 81 beg that you will cease attempting
to stigmatize me with the imputatfon that
1 am lacking in sense Of justice. alone
am responsible for this suggestion, and
alone stand ready to assume the response
bility therefor"
with which 'T-have-spoke'' pronuncia-
mento the matter was at an end.
Mr. Jobson felt pretty coy in his slip
pers and smoking jacket on Christmas
day, and when, along toward O'Clock, he
began to grow hungry he didn't look cheer
full over the prospect of making an elab-
crate toilet BETTING his impending appear
ance in swagger hotel dining room.
AS the noon hour drew nigh Mrs. JObson
had heard him muttering to himself as she
leaned over the banisters:
"It sort o. don't feel natural not to have
the smell of sage and other dressing stuff
about these works on Christmas" and then
she felt pretty certain that something of
peculiarly Jobsonesque character was going
to happen before the end of the day. But
she busted herself making ready for the
trip down town. although she occasionally
da bbed at her eyes with her handkerchief
when she thought of their first Christmas
dinner being taken away from their home.
Mr. Jobson was ferociously hungry by the
time he entered the dining room OF the
great hotel with Mrs. Jobson. He was SO
hungry that he hadn't said word all the
way down. He came near turning purple,
when, as he entered the dining room. the
head waiter told him that he had not re-
served a Christmas dinner table couple
of days In advance. he would have to wait
a bit before being seated. But he had his
mind set on eating at that particular hos
telry. and so he went into one of the re-
ception rooms with Mrs. Jobson and gnaw-
ed his mustache for an hour or so before
a place at a table was found for them.
By this time Mr.. JObson was in a pretty
raw state Of mind.
When the waiter served the soup from
the silver tureen, Mr.. Jobson fancied that
he detected the walters thumb in one of
the soup plates. He picked up the soup
plate on which he imagined the walters
offense had been committed, and. handing
it to the waiter. raspingiy remarked:
Here. take swim in that, and bring me
a fresh plate"'
That remark didn't help him along any
with the waiter who ostentatiously ignored
the Jobsons from then on, serving the din
ner in instaIlments with long intervals be-
tween courses, and affecting utter ignor-
ance of Mr.. Jobsons frantic gesticulations.
When the turkey was served, Mr.. Jobson
declared that it had been allowed to be-
come cold and had then been warmed over
in a frying pan full of grease, and the
waiter blinked eviIly at him and made no
reply.
Mr. Jobson swore that the sauce on the
plum pudding was cold as frozen mo-
lasses. In brief he acted just like Mr.. Job
son from the beginning to the end of the
meal, and there was a baleful light in mis-
eye when he reached his hand into the
breast pocket of his frock coat to get his
wallet and settle the check.
But when he found that the wallet wasn't
in that pocket. or in any other pocket. the
veins stood out on his forehead like whip
cords. Mrs Jobson. in pressing his frock
coat that morning, had removed his wallet
from his pocket and placed it on the bed.
She had forgotten to restore it to the
pocket. All the money that Mr.. Jobson had
with him was fifteen cents and two car