Evening star., 1902-08-30
MR.. JOBSON'S CANARY

II tell you what am going to get" ex-
pansively remarked Mr.. Jobson at the din
ner table the other evening. I'm going
to get a canary bird.
'Yes?" inquireds MRS. Jobson, In tone of
neutrality. II
She remembered With a chill Of alarm
their disastrous experiences with house
hold pets-the diseesapered fox terrier pup
that was always being corraled by Pound
keeper Einstein' s. Industrious net wielders,
the over-fed cat tha4 had continuous-per-
formance fits on top of the piano and the
sitting room table9but she was sufficiently
cautious not to bstray by her tone or man
ner that she recalled these dismal fiascos.
Yep" said. M Inbson I'm going to get
canary bird. I need something around
mere to keep me entertained. l thought. a
good many years ago, when 1 dug up for a
300 plano for you, and hired a lot of peo-
pie 10 teach you how to play tune or so
on the thing that I had about sketched out
a bit OF home amusement. But you
never had any ambition to get beyond the
performance of The Frolic Of the Frog s
waltz and four bars of 'Silvery Waves,
and as you can't be even bribed to sit down
and rattle off that choice repertoire for me
more tnan ABOUT once year, why, need
sonnet hing else in the way of ireside diver
slon It's going to be a canary bird. I've
been hankering for canary bird for.
good many years. anyhow, without exactly
knowing 1t, and now I'm going to fetch one
nome nome ana m M hang his cage up in the sitting
room and let him make melody for me-
Mrs Jobson drummed lightly on the table
and gazed ref1ectivey at her plate.
Amy objection on your part to my pos
sessng a canary bird?" rather sharply in
quired Mr.. Jobson, observing that Mrs
Jobson had made no comment on the propo-
sition.
"N-no," she replied somewhat hesi-
tatingly, Except that canary birds are
9n6-p
"Oh, that's it, is it? broke in Mr.. Jobson.
Great care, hey? You're afraid that you'll
be overworked in giving the bird drink of
water in his dish every few days and in
filling his seed receptacle when it becomes
empty, eh? Think that'll be too much of a
drain upon your energies, hey? You can
Just cut that fear out, however. I'll just
take care of this bird that L m going to get
myself. You won't be required to do
hands turn in caring for him. I wouldn't
ask you to burden yourself with such a
heavy labor for million dollars, and it'll
still remain possible for you to devote all
of your waking hours to the cheap litera-
ture that has such a clutch upon YOU
- was going to say" put in Mrs. Jobson,
that In addition to being great care,
canary bird cannot stand tobacco smoke;
and as, of course, this house is always
filled with tobacco smoke when you are at
home, why"
Mr.. Jobson rose in his seat at the table
and loomed over Mrs. Jobson.
oh, now we've got the nub of it-oh-ho,"
said he. You couldn't let even this little
opportunity get by you without making a
savage attack upon me for smoking, en-? Now
that you see that I'm hankering for a can
ary bird, you have instantly framed up
scheme whereby you expect to compel me
either to give up smoking or to relinquish
my desire for a canary bird, eh?'
"Well,' said Mrs. Jobson. Il only know
that the canary that my Uncle Hiram got
died because Uncle Hiram smoked so much
in the house, and the bird man told him
that it was the smoke that"
Il wish you'd stop quoting that Reuben
uncle of yours to me every time turn
around" broke in Mr.. Jobson. "Your
Uncle Hiram, never smoked an ounce Of
that he raised on his farm and poked into
his pipe wasn't tobacco-it was hemp, or
something like that. canary, or any
other old kind Of a bird that wears feath-
honest-Injun tobacco-never heard Of such
fool humbug in my life. I'm going to bring
that bird home tomorrow evening, and I'll
just show you a few things that your orac-
ular jay uncle never heard about in the art
of raising a song-bird.'
Mr.. Jobson did show UP with a canary in
an expensive gilded cage on the following
evening, and he spent good part Of the
time between dinner and the going-to-be
hour in rigging the bird out right in his
new quarters in the sitting room. He had
brought along with him couple Of pounds
of bird seed, a large package Of cuttlefish,
some bird mama, and he had stopped at
the green grocer's and bought two or three
heads Of lettuce and a couple of very large
cabbages for the birds consumption. After
he had got things In the birds cage pretty
well fixed, he suddenly remembered hearing
that canary birds need iron in their blood,
as well human beings, and that the best
rusty nail in their drinking DISH So he
prowled around the cellar and the back
yard with lantern for half an hour or SO,
trying to find rusty nail.
Did the man tell you the bird could
sing?" asked Mrs. Jobson.
Yes. the man told me the bird could
sing" snappily replied Mr.. Jobson; "but he
didn't tell me that the bird 'ud begin to bust
being located in his new quarters. Give
him time, and he'll make this house sound
like tropical forest at high noon"
Then Mr.. Jobson sat down and lit his
tobacco smoke, and gazed contentedly at
the bird. The bird, wrapped in wreathes Of
smoke didn't appear to be very enthusiastic
over his new surroundings. and dropped
and blinked In corner of his cage.
For four or five nights Mr.. Jobson smoked
hard and gazed at the bird, which fell into
the habit of sitting, all scroonched up, with
its eyes constantly closed. on the floor Of
the vast quantities Of food with which Mr..
Jobson stuffed the cage. Mrs. Jobson didn't
dare suggest that the pipe smoke was get
ting in it's fine work on the bird. Mr.. job
son noticed the birds dopiness, and en-
deavored to ply 1t with red pepper in the
yolk of an egg and other bird remedies, but
the nicotine poisoned birl wouldn't have
any of them. Mrs. Jobson wanted to sug-
gest that the bird be kept in the basement
dining room. but she wasn't taking any
chances on suggesting. A couple Of morn
ings ago, when Mrs. Jobson came down
stairs, she found the bird, with it's little
claws pointing upward, dead as the rusty
nail in it's water. She summoned Mr.. job
son. who glared at her ferociously as he
lifted the seed dish out Of the cage.
Madame" he said, carefully wrapping
the seed into package, 'I going to
take this bird seed to a chemist today to
have it analyzed; and if, as l suspect, 1t is
found that you have introduced enough
arsenic into this unfortunate birds food to
kill four men, just to thwart me, I warn
you that every rag and stick of furniture
In this house will be sold at public auction
tomorrow morning, and this establishment
forever closed!'
Atmosphere Of Ceylon.