Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-06-16

After we lose IL. puts ID Inc lnate-
REALISTIC man.-Judge.
Il see goose feathers have gone way
UP on the market" Yep" And still
all the dealers keep marking them
down. baltimore News.
New Cook-I'm afraid | can't take
the place. mum. Mstress-W Why? New
Cook-Well, mum, the kitchen table
amt big enough for ping pong.
Aunt Matilda-Clara says she is IS.
does she? She isn't day under 30.
Bertha-Perhaps she has been marked
down for a matrimonial bargain. aunt.
Mrs. P..-And suppose if we have
another war you'll stay at home like a
coward? Mr.. My dear, no one
could call me coward if remained
at your side.
She-I hope our dear good pastor Will
be able to refute these heresy charges.
He-l guess he's all right. | under
stand the deacons are betting three to
one on an acquittal.
A country convert. full of zeal. offer
ed himself for service in his first pray
er meeting remarks. I'm ready to do
anything the Lord asks me-" he said,
so long as it's honora bic. life.
"YOu and your sister are about the
same size. and you look exactly alike.
Twins, aren't you:" asked the visitor.
Course notw exclaimed Tommy, high
fy indignant. shes girl
YES" said the funny barber, were
up to date here. We shave You while
you wait" Indeed" replied Pepprey.
i've usually found that you shave sew
eral other fellows while wait"
Famous Author-I shall have to stop
sending out any more small checks.
Instead of cashing them the recipients
have them framed to preserve my auto
graph. She-Never mind. 1t will only
last a few weeks.-Life.
Mr.. Jonsing (watching his wife at the
scrubbing board,-Why doan yo' call
me hobo an be done wild it? Mrs.
Jonsing-'Cause dis amt no aftah-din-
nah hokay talk. Is knockin' now, not
handin' yo' vi'lets.-.Iudge.
Il bet Tinkens that my bicycle could
go a mile a minute for fifty miles.
won." You don't mean to say ,ha.
YOU rode that fast?" NO" "'rhen
how did you arrange i,:' why. put
the bicycle in the baggage of a through
limited"
Young Wife--I don't see why we
can't get plain cook. have adver-
tisel for one daily for more than two
weeks. Observation-Disclosures for a good
looking one. my dear, and you'll nave
dozen applicants the first dash out OF
The box.
In Court.-"What an awful looking
villain the prisoner is" whispered a
LADY in the police court to her husband
II should be afra id even to stand neal
hiGs!" Hush warned her husband
like prisoner hasn't been brought IL
Vet. That's his lawyer'-TitB Bits
Even though you seem successful
for Il time" said the solemn tbeorist
you will find some day that YOU have
not friend left in the world" -That's
MI right" answered the practicssl poll
tician; Its q part of my business to
see that my friends don't get left. -
Washington star.
Lady engaging servantl-Wgly die
uau leave your last place: Servant
couldn't put up with the way one of the
Young mistresses used to copy me
num- Lad,-What do You mean: Ser
vant-Why, j had II private soldier fol
nv sweetheart, and what must she dc
hut get hdEicer for hers.-Tid- Bits.
Prof Shortmind tafter the introduce
tian)-May / ask whether you are re-
led to the Miss DE Styles, whom
lneit at the sestshore last summer: Miss
De Styles--Mhy. professor. | am the
,sa rae Miss he Styles. Prof. Shortmnd
Ala. Indeed. That no doubt accounts
for the remarkable resemblance. Chi
cage News.
In the Near Future The Cook %. m
sorry. mum. but the waikin' diEgate NV
tn Sutprame Ordher nv Cooks nov or
dhers,i me T. throw up re joh- Mrs.
.Subbrb earfYfEyl-Oh. Norahl What
have = done? Whe Cook -Nawthin',
mum, fJtlt Yer foolish husbind goi shay
ed in a non-union barber shop, 10 day
before yisterday.-Broobiyn Life.
Say, Pat. / hear you've been offered
a lob in the customs. Are you soln:,
to take it, "Shure. an am" Bat
the hours are long and the pay bad"
ITS meself that knows it," Surely,
those are two good reasons for refus-
ing III" "Thrue for We. me hhoy. bit
I've got six reasons for acceptin It."
What are they" "Shmre. wife an
foiye kids"
Citiman-Yes. I'll be glad to run out
and see you some time. What's your
number? Subbubs = Why-er-the
houses in Swamphurst are not num-
bered yet. Citiman-Well, how shall
find Won! Subbubs TO the left
from the station. and walk down the
road until you come to the second big
puddle My house is directly opposite
Republican.
A squad of recruits were getting rid
of some ammunition on the range the