The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-05-28
IN A VEIN.

IN A HUMOROUS VEIN.
Are you fond of fiction, darling2n
Yes, dearest; but don't tell me /
am the only girl you have aver loved"
Parishioner-the people are COM
planning that you are too liberal.
Unorthodox Pastor-Oh, that's a
mistake, my dear sir, q great mistake.
L am just as stingy as the rest of you.
"Is there an authors club in this
~building2" asked the individual with
long hair, as he stuck his head into the
editorial sanctuin.
"There is" replied the editor, as he
snatched a murderous looking bludgeon
from the desk and stood up ready for
business.
1t was IN a country village that the
swain had proposed for the hand Of a
village beauty, and had been successful
and carried of the palm. He had
bought the engagement ring and was
hurrying as fast as his two feet would
carry him to the home of his adored
one. A friend tried to stop him to
make inquiry concerning his haste.
"Hello, there, Boil Is there a
6re2"
Yes" replied Bob, with what
breath he had left, "my hearts on fire
and I'm going now to ring the village
BELLE"
During an encampment of the Ma
tional Guard of Pennsylvania at Mount
Gretna several years ago, a party of
officers went out for a stroll and hap
pening to pass a farm house near the
encampment grounds, one of them
suggested stopping in for a glass of
milk. On going inside the yard they
were met by the farmers daughter,
who brought forth a can of butlcrmllk
and some %tumblers, saying:
This ls the only kind of milk we
have"
After each of the party had taken n
drink one of them remarked:
"By George, that's fine; can you let
us have some more2"
The lass replied:
ooh yes; take all You want; we feed
IL TO the pigs, anyway"
a Kansas editor wrote this obituary
notice: "He was born May 3, 1875,
and therefore escaped this earth in
time to celebrate his 9th birthday in
the house of his eternal abode beyond
the arching skies, leaving terrestrial
land on Friday, March 10, 1902, at
$50 p. M, central time"
a young cock saw a weathercOck on
top of the house and, thinking HIM a
rival began Glowing tiercely.
ell you keep or making a noise like
that, ".said the old bird, " they'll wiring
your neck for you"
The young cock looked thoughtful.
"Take example by me. rve got
along and have been locked up TO for
half a century by simply keeping my
bill shut and turning with the wind"
The moral is obvious.
There is an institution in Duluth
hat employs about fifty people, and
among others is a genial, jolly, good
fellow, who long ago lost faith III their
restoratives, and Is the possessor of a
waist measurement of many inches.
An East End lady dropped into the
store a day or two ago, accompanied
B by her pretty little 4Jear-old daughter.
The big man was somewhat atten-
tive to the child, and when the lady
had finished the business she had come
to transact the little girl said, in a clear
voice, as they left the office:
Who is the man bigger round IAN
our rain barrel, with the awful shiny
head?"
Tess-You don't mean to say thew
have broken off their engagement?
Jess Yes.
Tess-Why, L thought they were
perfectly devoted to each other.
So they are. You see, they have
broken off the engagement so that he
may save enough money to enable them
to get arried.-Philadelphia Press.
"One-half the world" remarked the
good-natured girl, " doesn't know how
the other half lives"
"rhat may be So" said the girl with
the long, sharp nose, "but / don't be-
long to that half"
A belated traveller, who was COM
PEELED to stay all night in a backwoods
cabin, says that soon after the frugal
supper of sody biskits {" and fried
Z" side meat, swimming in grease, had
been eaten, Il tall, gaunt youth of about
Is and On equally sallow and gaunt
girl of IL, both b%arefooted, took their
hats from wooden pegs in the wall and
prepared to go out, whereupon their
mother, taking her pipe from between
her yellow teeth, said reprovingly:
60 long an wash your feet, Levi,
you an Looly both! Hain't you
'shamed to go off to an evenin' party
without washln' your feet2"
They obeyed, but as Levi took the
washpan from a bench by the door he
said, with a grumble:
I'd bout as o. stay home from
a party as to have to fix up so for
hit!'
The Japanese do not use milk, COWS
being almost unknown in Japan.
Milk, an animal product, falls under
the condemnation which excludes