davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
At the Zoo.

tThe Cockatoo - Hev, down there!
What the dickens are you laughing
about?
The Hyena-You oughter seen the
stork when he heard that seventeen
pairs of twins had been born into the
crocodile family. By gosh! he went
straight up into the air!-Judge.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
One Thing Sure.

Mrs. starteuppe - All, professor
And how is my daguhter getting along
with her music? DO you think she
will ever become great singer?
Professionalism, it is very hard to
say.
MIS-. Starteuppe - Eut surely she
possesses come of the qualifications?
PROFESSIONALISM! Yah, madam; she
hat q mouth !-Iit-Bits.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
Slate,

Slate forms naturally in layers. and
the "splitter," following the grain, or
"rlbbon," with a large chisel, separates
the blocks into strips of about the
proper thickness for roofing slate.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
n |7ISysNs CUR s. 3sY;]
III CURES WHERE AL ELSE FAILS. IS
Best Cough Syrup. Tastes Good. Use Isl
ES In time. Sold by druggists. 81
CO XSJSS2Nl;SlYS(E
War According to Hoyle.

First Colombian Revolutionist - At
any rate, 90 far we haven't been &C.
cused of violating any Of the rules of
civilized warfare.
Second Colombian Revolutionist-
No; we've stopped firing when railway
trains were passing, and haven't
fought at any time over eight hours a
working day.-Judge..
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
Glazing of Pens.

The glazing of pens, in some varie-
ties considered an importan. opera
ton, is done with lac dissolved in
naphtha.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
DAYS of Grace.

Landlord-I will just give you three
days to pay your rent.
Artist - All right. Suppose you
make it Thanksgiving, Christmas and
the Fourth OF July.-Life.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
StiltOn Cheese.

Stilton cheese acquires it's green
color from a vegetable growth, while
some other kinds are rendered green by
the addition OF powdered sage leaves
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
Both Smoked Bad Ones.

Hewitt-How do you like the cigar
l gave your
Jewett-Oh, I have smoked worse
cigars.
Hewitt-You have if you ever smoked
any If the kind you gave me.-Judge.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27

Mothers will FIND Mrs. %inslow's Scoth.
ting Syrup the best remedy to use for .hrir
children during the teething period.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27

W TIC COMPANY "a OSuSiS.
In spite of all efforts to prevent it,
The filthy secretions and mucous mat
ter find their way into the Stomach
and are distributed by the blood to
every nook and corner of the system;
the Stomach and Kidneys. in fact
every organ and part of the body, be-
come infected with the catarrhal
poison. This disease is rarely, if ever,
evenin itsearliest stages, a purelylocal
disease or simple inflammation OF the
nose and throat, and this iswhy sprays,
washes, powders and the various in
haling mixtures fail to cure. Heredity
is sometimes back of it-parents have
It and so do their children.
In the treatment of Catarrh, AMI
septic and soothing washes are good
head and throat, but this is the extent
permanently the blood must be purltl,
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
Potts-What was it?

Watts-A bride and bridegroom
started from the house across the street
in which live, and one CT the horses
attached to the carriage threw a shoe.
Now what do you think of that?
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27

For bronchial troubles try Piso's Cure
for Consumption. 1t is a good cough
medicine. At druggists, price % cents.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
LOOK OUT FOR
QTARRH|

freezing weather the Winter
the miserable symptoms OF Caarrn
ubindng headaches and neuralgia thick mucous discharges
hacking and the chest oao
the mouth td breath and all that makes
sickenng and disgusting OF all complaints causes ieeg %
and anxious
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
=. n. u.
EgNTHEM writing to advertisers pssass
wv meMsiuG silIa paper.
New Turkish Edict,
No. 48--19O2.

Owing to Turkish imperial order
the teaching of Armenian history has
been prohibited in Turkey.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
A Farewell Shot.

After the death of the Mean Man,
who had incurred Brother Diclsey's dis
pleasure, some one said to him:
"He had fine funeral sermon. The
preacher said he went straight to
heaven"
81 shouldn't wonder if he did," said
Brother Dickey. "Hell can't stand
everything. "-Atlanta Constitution.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
Quite Intelligent.

Watts-I tell you, old man. saw
the most remarkable exhibition of an
imal intelligence today that could b
imagined.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
The First Newspapers.

The first newspaper in the modern
sense was issued monthly at Venice in
1886: the first English newspaper was
published in 1922; the first American
in 1904.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27

If you do not derive prompt and sat-
isfactory results from the use of Peru
ma, write at once to DR.. Hartman, CIV
in full statement of your case, and he
will be pleased to give you his valuable
advice gratis.
Address DR.. Hartman, President of
The Hartman Sanitarium, Columbus, o.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27
An Entertainment Spoiled.

The hall was crowded when the
sleight of hand artist advanced to do
his tricks.
81 have here, ladies and gentlemen,
he began, "a large lump OF anthracite
COAL"
1t was enough. Before he could
make it disappear the frenzied populace
was upon him.-Baltimore News.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27

Thousands of people have catarrh
who would be surprised to know it, be-
cause it has been called some other
name than catarrh. The fact is ca
tarrh is catarrh wherever located; and
another fact which is of equally great
i'm Importance, ia that Peruna cures ca
tsrrh wherever located.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-11-27

Manchester, Va, March o, 1901.
0entlemen:-Ih had all tho symptoms
that accompany this disease, suoh ~
mucus dropping In tho throat. con.
slant desire to hawk and spit, feeling
Of drynsss in the throat, cough and
splitting upon rising in the morning,
scabs forming in the nose, which 70.
ouired much effort to blow out, some.
times causing tho nose to bleed and
leaving me with q sick headache. I
had thus suffered for I've years.
I commenced to take 8. B. B. ana
after had taken three large bottles,
I noticed . change for tho better.
Thus encouraged, I continued to take
It and in q short while was entirely
cured. JUDSON A. BELLAM.
Main and Vine Sts., Richmond. Va.
" cleansing purposes or clearing the
of their usefulness. To cure Catarrh
d and the system relieved OF ITS load
accomplish this is S. S. S. which has
equal as a blood purifier. 1t restores
blood to natural. healthy state and
catarrhal poison and effete matter
carried out of the system through the
per channels. S. S. S. restores to the
cd all its good qualities. and when
4. pure blood reaches the inflamed
to all the Catarrh infected
the mucous discharges cease and the
e and humiliating Of all complaints.
contains nothing that could injure the
atarrh in its most aggravated forms.
,eless. Write " if you have CatarrA.
hout charge.
co., AJLAvEAs a.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1902-11-24

Among the cats that may compete
in the Cat Show to be held here next
month is a handsome gray fellow be-
longing to Senator Depew, says the
washington correspondent of the New
York Times. The cat bears the name
Tom. 1t is not known whether or not
he is named for the Senator's distin-
guished colleague from New York. but
1t can be said that Tom is clever and
tricky and devoted beyond measure to
his master and mistress. That Tom can
think can scarcely be doubted. He is
very sagacious and frequently outwits
his master. 1t is said he has learned
70 smile at the Senator's jokes.
T2n has learned a trick that Is often
shown to guests at the Depew home.
Under the dining room table is an
electric bell for the purpose of sum
moning a servant. Whenever Tom is
fastened up in the dining room he i'm
mediately jumps on this button and
pushes 1t with great vigor until some
one arrives and let's him out Whether
py accident or otherwise Tom has
learned that whenever the button nm
der the table was pushed some one
entered the door, thus opening it.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1902-11-24
CURRENT COMMENT.

The Philadelphia Record (Dem.)
says: 1.-THE one thing the trusts fear
is the lowering of the tariff wall which
allows them to prey upon the neces-
stiles of the people who live behind it.
The one thing the Republican party
viii not do is to attack the trusts by
disturbing the tariff wall"
The Washington Post Qnd) says:
with its inherent conservatism to
preserve it from undue speculation, and
with vast field practically untouched,
one feels that the new South is not
only possibility, but a present fact.
The star of empire no longer points
toward the setting sun, but to the land
beyond Mason and Dixon's line
The Charleston Post (Dem.) says: "If
We are going to pick a Southern man
for the Democratic nomination for
President. we must not overlook Gen.
Luke Wright, who has just had such a
splendid reception from the people of
his home city of Memphis, in which the
President of the United States Joined.
Gen. Wright represents the real senti-
ment of the South on the matter. of
| national expansion and the holding of
the possessions we won from Spain,
and he has exemplified his view in a
practical manner in his administration
as vice governor of the Philippines. He
is an old fashioned Democrat on all
the other issues of Importance as well
and is of the right type for the presi-
dency. He is real American and the
South could present no better repre-
sentative of this section than himself
But he is not the only Southern man
available or At for the presidency, by
good deal"
The Chattanooga Times (Dem.) says:
Senator Pritchard of North Carolina
is said to be preparing an analytical
statement of the vote i'm North Caro-
lima so as to throw some light on the
necessity for the so-called "lily white"
movement. The practical feature OF
the question. which is that so long as
the negro is the chief factor of Repub-
lican strength In the South. just 50 long
Will that party be one solely for con-
trolling local federal patronage. Is 80
apparent from the experience OF the
past thirty-five years that II ought 10
need no demonstration. The negro may
be an essential figure IN controlling
national convention. but he Is "A decid-
ed stop 10 party growth where he is
most numerous. lie has been the I'M
doubted cause for the collapse and al
most disintegratlon OF the Republican
Eanlza ton IA this county. His elm
ination would BIZ good for the party
sna bsttsE for the negro himself"
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1902-11-24
BRIGHToBITS.


-Mae-"How did Bessie raise the
money to go abroad and study music ?'
Ethel-"The neighbors took up a SUBJ
scription, believe"
Don't you know what a coquette
is, Bennie?' Yes, mamma; a coquette
is thing they make out of fricasseed
chicken the second day."-Yonk
Statesman.
Does your cook ever wear your
wife's clothes?" Il guess not. Why,
my wife hasn't anything the cook
would be seen wearing. philadelphia
Evening Bulletin.
Johnnie" McCraw was a bit of a
character in a country village in the
north of Scotland. He lived on the
charity of the villagers, but some-
times found it particularly hard work
to do so. st
One day when the springs of sym
pathy seemed to have dried up, John
ME" made his way to the house of the
local doctor and said:
I've come to get a my teeth taken
DOT. DOCTOR
Dear me-" said the medical man
Whats wrang wi them?''
'Oh. they're "a RIGHT, but I've nae
use for them; I've naething to eat"
Yes said the doctor, who saw the
joke; here's sixpence for you to get
a loaf. "-Pearsons Magazine.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1902-11-24
An Observant Barber

A weary-looking young man dropped
into an end chair in a downtown bar
Der shop the other day and said sharp
iy, Shave" relates the Baltimore Sun.
Yes, SIR" replied the knight of the
brush and blade. as he began to
anolnt the young mans face with
lather. After a moments reflection
the barber asked, Would you be Of
tended, sir, if were to tell you your
self?" '"'
Why, no." replied the wondering
customer Let's hear it,
Well, you are a bookkeeper by pro-
Iesslon, and you are left-handed"
Inc young man gasped in astonish-
ment and asked the barber how he
knew these facts.
For awhile the barber refused to tell
the secret of his power, but he was
nnally induced to clear up the mys-
terry.
know you are a bookkeeper." he
SAID because your hair is stained
with red and black ink back of your
ear where you have been in the habit
OF placing your pen. The fact that the
marks are back of the left ear show
mat you are left-handed, and the fact
that you use red and black ink shows
you to be bookkeeper and not a clerk
or literary man."
The customer left the place marvel
ing much at the simplicity of the
methods of Sherlock Holmes.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1902-11-24
PERSONAL.

Miss Nora Stanton Blatch, a
granddaughter of the late Elizabeth
Cady Stanton, will take up the work
of her grandmother. She was the
first and only woman to enter the
civil engineering department of Cornell
University.
1t was the ambition of Shelby M.
Cullom's early youth to become a dry
goods clerk and perhaps eventually to
own a store. He sought a clerkship,
but failed to get 1t, and then went in
for the study of law. The senator is
not believed to feel regret that his
youthful ambition failed of realization.
Theodore Quentin a member of the
Philadelphia reserve police, lately
wrote to President Roosevelt asking
why he gave his youngest son the I'M
usual name of Quentin. The President
answered that 1.-The name Quentin is
with us an old family name, coming
from a French Huguenot refugee who
came to this country over two centu-
ries ago" HtH @0e Hi
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1902-11-24
Canine INDULGENCE.

My friend was staying this autumn
IN Wales, says writer in the London
outlook Smoking and chatting one
evening with local farmer, the talk
Tell upon dogs. The farmers sheep
dog lay before the fire, and the farmer
instanced its sagacity. He made an
exclamation in Welsh. At once the
DOG arose and went to the door 'sYou
might let him out" said the farmer.
The sheep are in the corn is what I
SAID to him." The dog passed eagerly
out In a few minutes there was a
scratching at the door. The dog en-.
tered painting and lay down at the
nre again. Shortly afterward the farm
er repeated his Welsh remark. Again
the dog ran to the door, and my friend
let him out. Again in a few minutes
was the scratching at the door. and
again he lay down before the fire pant
ing. After an interval the farmer re-
marked in Welsh, quite in the way Of
conversation, Il am not easy about
those sheep; / do believe they're in
the corn" The dog without rising
looked up at the farmer, gave two
sharp yelps and turned round to his
sleep again. He said as plainly as
though 1t had been in words Don't
be a fool; I've been twice and they're
not in the corn
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1902-11-24
TILE FIEL PRoRLEM.

AT dinner of the Economic League
in Boston the other day Charles Fran
els Adams startled his hearers by de-
claring that he was sorry the coal
strike had ended. Because" he said.
1--WE would then have been able to dis
cover some substitute for coal. and
for one would have been willing to suf-
fer If by so doing we could have been
released from the reign OF King An
thracite."
The search for a cheaper fuel than
coal, and for the means OF utilizing
a greater percentage of the power con-
tanned in coal, has been in progress
for many years. The coal strike and
the resulting scarcity of fuel unques-
tionably give increased impetus to the
dual search. Under the spur Of ur-
gent necessity. it is quite likely that
the winter would not have passed with
out great strides having been taken in
the direction of the overthrow of the
tyrant, Anthracite. The work of in
vestigation by such scientists as Mr..
Westinghouse. Lord Kelvin, Mr.. Edi-
son and scores of others less we'll
known to the public, including a small
army of those quiet workers but re-
sult-getters, the Germans, will be
continued until coal will be made to
give more than twice the energy that
can now be derived from it and other
and cheaper fuels will be found to take
its place in case of need, so that coal
will no longer be the autocrat it has
heretofore been.
In Germany a plan has been ner-
fected by which blast-furnace gas is
made to drive engines. So successful
has it been found. and so cheap is
the blast-furnace gas, which has here
tofore been a waste product, that a
big steel concern in Buffalo is build
ing a great plant to utilize the gas
from its blast furnaces. During the
progress of the strike IL was demon
strated that the vast banks of culn
or waste in the anthracite field could
be utilized in two ways; first, by the
culm being compressed into briquettes,
and. second, by its use for the pro-
duction of gas. The gas produced from
culm is said to be in every way salts
factory for the running of gas engines.
Gas from bituminous coal is not de-
sirable for operating engines, because
1t contains such large percentage of
tar that the machinery is injured
thereby; but it is believed that within
a short time apparatus will be per-
fected which will make gas from BIZ
luminous coal as free from objection
able substances as that from anthra-
cite.
When Lord Kelvin was in this coun-
try recently he said it was not un-
reasonable to expect that at an early
date there would be discovered The
apparatus and methods by which the
energy in coal may be directly con-
verted into heat, light or power. The
discovery of these things has been the
dream of modern scientists for years.
The man, or men, who make them
realities will have both fame and for
tune bestowed upon them. The famous
English scientist said that the desired
apparatus and method might be Stun
bled upon accidentally. as so many
useful inventions have been, but
he rather expected that the end would
be reached by the slower process of
scientific experimenting. And more ex-
perimenting is being done on that line
now than ever before
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1902-11-24
THE NATIONAL GUARD.

Members of the National Guard in
! all parts of the country are interested
| in the bill. passed by the House in the
last session of Congress and now pend
| ing in the Senate. which has for it's
purpose the making of the militia a
national guard in fact as well as in
name. The volunteer soldier always
1 has been, and always will be, the sec
ond and greatest line of defense of the
country. All of the country's impor-
tant battles have been fought and won
by volunteer soldiers. as they will be
in the future. We do not want a
large standing army in the United
States. but we do need, and should
have, a thoroughly equipped and well
organized militia that would be ready
at shortest notice to take the field in
time of trouble. How poorly we are
prepared for war with a foreign coun-
try was illustrated in the case of the
recent war with Spain, a third-class
Power. Had our difficulty been with
England, or Germany, or France, we
would have suffered severely by rea-
son of our lack of preparation. 1t
took US more than 100 days to win from
our third rate antagonist. The Franco
Prussian war lasted only forty-nine
days, and the conflict between Austria
and Italy in 1866 was over in thirty
days. Modern wars must necessarily
be short. and the nation that is best
prepared-not necessarily with a large
standing army. but with a strong sec
ond line of defense in a trained citi-
zen soldiery-has a tremendous advan-
tage.
AT present our National Guard is a
patchwork. improperly equipped and
without comprehensive organiza ton
Scarcely any two states have the same
regulations for their troops, hence the
process of forming such troops into a
national force must be slow, tedious
and costly. The extra cost of calling
out and equipping the volunteer army
of 225.000 men for the war with Spain
would have paid the expenses of re-
organizing and adequately equipping
the National Guard for many years.
The arms of the state troops are of,
obsolete patterns, and of such varying
types that the matter of supplying am
munition for them is one of greatest
difficulty.
The bill pending in the Senate is
designed TO remedy the defects to which
attention has been called and others
well known to military men. 1t has the
approval Of national guardsmen gem
orally, and the Interstate National
Guard Association is actively agitating
for the passage OF the bill at the COM
ing short session of Congress.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1902-11-24

Now" said the Empress, settling
herself comfortably on her throne. says
the Chicago Tribune. what new won
der have you to show me to-day? What
is the next curiosity you have brought
from the home of the foreign devil,
also Of the free and the brave?"
This, your majesty" answered WI.
deXtrously extracting an oddly shaped
contrirance from his trunk. and drag
ging about a hundred feet of wire af-
ter it.
What is it. anyway"
20, daughter of the moon and mother
OF the stars, it is a telephone"
But telephones were invented right
here in China 10000 years ago.
True, most graceful gazelle of the
mountains. True, but not such tele-
phone as this. Have the condescension
to put your ear here and your lips
here, and say Hello"
Isl Ann did as she was asked, and
from the Intervals of the strange de-
vice came a voice which repeated mo-
notonously:
The line is busy. Please call again.
The line is"
Give me Main double two ought six
one four plus" called the Empress.
The line is busy. Please call"
want double two out six one"
ting on. The line is
When can l get that"
Lines busy Ring
Gimme double two"
B-z-z-zr-r-r-r-rhipl
Whirling in truly regal anger, Tsi
Ann, First Cousin to the Thunder
cloud and Adopted Daughter of the
Cyclone, exclaimed:
Throw that thing out Of the pal
an your Upliftedness, smiled WI,
with one of his holiday bows. won are
indeed, becoming Americanized."
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1902-11-24
"Six Gentlemen At Once"

Actor James O'Nein has rediscovered
the country humorist in the person of
a brakeman who let him off at a small
station to wait for another train. saws
the Denver Times. As O'NeiII reached
the platform the brakeman remarked:
Sort of dull place, amt it? Still.
you'll have company. The ticket gent
the operator, the fiagman, the store
keeper, the postmaster and the agent
of the accident insurance company is
all inside
O'Neill entered the station and look
ed around. In the dim light he could
distinguish only a red haired man at
a telegraph instrument.
Where are the others?' the actor
asked.
Other what?" asked the. man.
why. the ticket agent, the fiagman.
the postmaster and the rest"
The red haired man grinned. "I'm
UNI; come in ana join u.s." he answer
ed.