The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-02-15

the same time an idiot and a genius
Cleverton-Where did you get such an
Dashaway-Tve just been reading the
reviews of his latest book-Harper's
Bazaar.
Weary. W1lie-What makes you look so
Meandering .Mike-I just told a man 1
was sick and he said he'd come back in
whether he's a bartender or a DOCTOR
Chelsea Gazette.
Mrs. Mahoole-Shure, avn TIN doctor is
maxim hog out av Pathrick.
Mrs O'Toole-Awn how so, Mrs. Ma
Mrs. Mahoole..Phoy he forbid him
Smokin iXcipt after meals, avn now Path
rick ates tin meals day.-Chicago News.
.sYou must have been very much an
noyed to find your water pipes frozen and
your heating apparatus out of order"
ton as i humorigt AND M11 the mas wart of #
is, when tell people about it, they regard
it as one of my funny stories. w ashing-
Budkins-Where are you living now?
Bilger-Iivingl Pm lodging, falling into
holes. being run over, twisted and turn
ing, and falling off and hanging on, being
In New York, eh?'-Life.
The Bishop of London tells a clever an
was calling on the great lady of the village
and introduced his newly married wife as
"a poor thing, madame, but mine own
whereupon the lady, looking at the curate
Your wife ought to have introduced you
as a poorer thing, but my owner =
Short Stories.
AT AT any rate" said the wealthy man,
yoM RaX IS tpat Of mind moor
ma Betc s was s, the reply rel "a wealthy
he he is, but poor man never has any i dif
ficallty in discovering how poor he is
Chicago Post.
She-Have you never been tempted to
give up literature?
Authorize such luck-Pve always been
compelled to stick to iti-Life.
a sharper, robbed me of $50
Hay3Why didn't you call a policeman?
Philadelphia Press.
Hoax-Bjones complains because he can
never keep a dog long.
Joax-why don't he try dachshund?-
Philadelphia Record.
Dwindle dwindle. little war.
How wonder more and more,
As about the veldt you hop,
When you really mean to stop.
London Exchange.
The man who drinks to beat the Dutch
And guzzles wine and stuff,
First thinks enough is not too much,
Then calls too much enough.
Philadelphia Press.
Eyes, 1 took luncheon at the Liberty
today, said Mrs. Starvem. You'd en-
Sharpe; the atmosphere is SO delightful,
'.Yes?'' returned Mr.. Sharpe, the snappy
boarder But, having atmosphere for
breakfast and dinner, L need something
more substantial for lunch. philadelphia
Press.
"A good man has gone wrote the editor
ing up his obituary of Col. Woppajaw
ana a large concourse Of sympatRizing
friends and neighbors followed to the
tomb all that was mortal of our .distin-
guished citizen, except a leg which he had
the misfor tn ;. to lose While fighting
ago."-Chicago Tribune.
Johnny Pa, why is it that truth is
Wise Pa-It is because great many
strip the biggest lies that ever We're IN
vented--Boston Transcript
She Cat the piano)-Listen; how do you
He-Very much. The more you refrain
the better 1 like it.-Tit-BitS-
Young Husband-Don't you thing. dar-
ling, that it would spoil the curtains if
Young Wife-You are the best and most
considerable husband that ever lived dear;
Young Husband-well, then, you'd better
take them down.-Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Grady-Sure tn Hogans are a lazy,
Mrs. Daly-They be thot! They've just
paid two months rint sooner than go to
tn Shmall throuble av moving!-Puck.
Little Clarenee-Papa, is there really
honor among thieves?
Father-No my son; thieves are just as
bad as other people--Tit-Bits.
First Guest-Well, here's our waiter at
last. It wasn't any use to tell him we
Second Guest-No. It's no use in being
in a hurry unless you can make it conta-
gious.-Judge-
Wilie-No man knows himself
Wallace-That'S so: but unfortunately
he is acquainted with people who do know
him--Smart Set.
"Alas!'' said the first Chinaman; China
has almost ceased to be a nation
That's true" said his friend. 'She
is merely a market''-Puck.
One of the old-time darlies, on being
asked how he was making out, replied in
this ia ahion:
well, sub, times is mighty tight wild
me, but manages ter make a Twin by
doin' little plowin'. little yotin', en- a
Miss I.ovelorn-Ahi Sometimes l ask
myself is life worth living?
grandmother, my dear, wish I had
as much time to find out as you have!-
Puck
when I came to this town eighteen
years ago. said the leading citizen, Il
had only eighteen pence in my pockets
- I~iTdIxr odf5a7