Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1902-02-28
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my custom.
PA, what is pre-glacial manT
"Why, man before he had to pay ice
bills, of course"
Miss White. believer "No, am
Miss Green" "Oh. pawdon me! Pm
color blind, y'know."
Let me but own the earth," said the
financier, with characteristic bravado,
"and | care not who writes the peoples
songs"
Teacher-What is synonym?
Bright Boy-lt's word you use in
place of another one when you don't
know how to spell the other one.
Grandpa's birthday: MANY happy
returns Of the day, grandpa; and mann
ma says if you give us each fifty cents
we mustn't lose it."-Harlem Life.
Mother is always telling me not to
bolt my food" said small boy, land
now she has gone and bolted the cup
board that has got all the victuals."
The Artst-And, then. have you given
sufficient attention to the technique?
Prospective r-Well-er-per-
haps not. was thinking of the price!
Ocular Demonstration: Mrs. Decol-
lete, over there. puts every cent her
husband makes on her back" He's
making very little, then. ."-Philadel-
phia Press.
Mr.. Botts-I think, my dear, have at
last found the key to success. Mrs.
Botts-Well. just as like as not youll
not be able to find the keyhole.-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Proud of the Boy: Doctor-'Pears to
me lalk de boy dun got acute indeCe-
shun. Aunt Lucy (smiling through her
tears)-Dat's' it, doctah! Dat boy, sick
er well, dun eb'ryt'ing cute.-Judge.
Prostrated: First Fly-Come quick,
mother! Sister has been drinking some
of that poison they tried to fool us
with. Second Fly-Oh! Where is she?
First Fly-She's on the ceiling in a
dead faint.-Life.
The Important Question: Mrs. Dash
legh-Do you believe it is possible, as
Mrs. Roosevelt says. for woman to
dress on three hundred dollars year?
Mrs. Kaflippe-It may be possible. but
what's the use.-EXchange.
Drain on the Empire: "If the war
continues" groaned the British peer.
1--WE shall run out Of metal" For max
ing guns for the men?" asked the
friend. "No; for making medals for
the officers. Chicago News.
DR.. A.-Why do you always make
such particular inquiries as to what
your patients eat? Does that assist you
in your diagnosis? DR.. B.-Not much;
but 1t enables me to ascertain their So
ciaI position and arrange my fees ac-
cordingly.-Tit-Bts.
The lesson had been about the prodi-
gal son, and the entire Sunday school
had been properly impressed. The SUI
perintendent asked: "Now, my little
friends, who stood by, objecting to this
proposed banquet to the prodigal?"
And voice in far corner answered.
"The calf"
Pure Accident: Flanagan-Hivns!
man, phwat's the matther wild yer
face? Hanagan-Faith, twas an acci-
dent. Th' ould woman throwed plate
at me. Flanagan-An dye call that an
accident? Hanagan-Av coorse! Didn't
she hit phat she aimed at?-Philadel-
phla Press.
His Mission: 1T is your aim, of
course" said his intimate friend, Ito
make people think" NO" replied the
popular lecturer, In burst of conf
dence, my business Is to make people
think they think-or, rather, to make
them think think they thlnk."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
NO" said the stubborn citizen, IL
never confess that am in the wrong"
"Why notT "There is no use of 1t. II
a man makes mistake in this life there
are thousands of people ready to take
hold and advertise It, without his lift
ing his voice to swell the clamor."-
Washington Star.
"You know, John, you promised me a
seal-skin wrap. and" "And you
promised to keep my stockings darned
and you haven't done It," well. you
don't mean to say you'll break your
promise on that accountY "Well it's
just like this: You don't give darn
and don't give wrap"
City Maglstrate-Of course don't
wish to stand in the way of my daugh-
ter's happiness, but know so little of
you, Mr.. Hawkins. What IL your vo-
cation? Mr.. Hawkins (airily)-Oh, l