The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1902-03-23
FUN OF The WORLD.

IN rural district in the west es En-
gland there lived an eccentric old farmer
who was continually appearing before
the magistrates for allowing his cattle
20 stray on the highway
During the hearing CT his case Tor q
similar ofIense. upon the last occasion
he elected much laughter from tho pre-
siding gentlemen on the bench and
others
The Chairman. addressing the defend
ant asked:
DO you plead guilty Of not grntys''
Wen, yer 'onor. I expects as i be
suilty- Bat don't b. too hard on a reg
star customer.
gzz
Another personality that figures PER
hans in more stories than any other SOL
6ier is Gen. T.. whose vocabulary. ex-
tensise and peculiar. IS the subject 81
l0any stories
IN the general advance towards IRE,
toria one Of the most polished o. thu
English generals seeing q solitary horse
man riding about under a heavy FIRE. sent
n orderly 10 tell that fool- TO get UNI
der cover II he did not wish 10 be shot
The orderly returned with the informa-
ton that ne had delivered his message
and that the horseman had said many
Mgence that he was Gen. T.
The polite general was panied that he
had made the mistake and asked the
orderly whether Cen. T. was much
offended.
Much offended. sir-' said Atkins sIee-
fully: why he told me TO so to-that is
70 say, sir. he said you were-wen. TO
tell you the truth. sir. I couldn't have
said 1t better meself'
as gs
\ young heiress with a penchaut for
farming vas explaining at length the
many difficulties she encountered ia per-
suing her fad. 4 really am a farmer
she protested, and then added. regrctfuI-
iy. although il must be confessed that
almost all I plant / lose" Therein dif-
fering from ne courteOusiy Iejcined
her table companion. a rising young ply
stefan. for / ind IN my case that
almost all I lose 1 plant
<
So freely mas the ribbon OF the legion
OF Honor been distributed in Franc that
il IS no longer considered such an over
Whelrling honor 10 be presented with il.
\ pertinent story Is told Of a Partisan
student who suddt nlv disappeared. The
police. on bcins appealed 70 for aid. asked
how be might be identified. ~oh was
the answer that's easy. He doesn't
wear the ribbon OF the Legion OF Honor
K <
Sir Wnfrid Laurier. the Canadian pre-
mier, was on a speechmakng touI OF
Ontario during the recent bye-eleetions
in that province and ia the province of
Quebec. The elections were bitterly con-
tested. and efforts We're made by both tho
liberals and conservatives 70 stir up race
and religious prejudice. 4 Quebec liberal
y hose acquaintance with Sir Wnfgid vas
only political. sent this telegram % the
leader:
Report in circulation in this county
that your children have not been hap
tized. Telegraph denial"
To which dispatch the premier sent this
reply:
sorry 70 say report is correct. have
20 children.
Rgg
At recent dinner IN New York the
Rev. Or. Minot J. Savage told a story
lf a lady who was asked DO YOU ever /
think Of getting married."
Think. she answered with aspcrity. /
7 worry
zHz
Perhaps no artist has ever been the 4
-ecipient Of a more amusing and unex-
iccted compliment than that paid uv the I
ate King Of Holland 60 Auguste Van /
siene. the famous celist and actor. when 4
be- gave "a performance before the Dutch 4
curt some years ago. Being under the
that che King had "a liziug
or music cf vigorous and drsla4tic
haracter. Mr.. Van Biene gave a selection
= hich required moro than usual energy
nd effort 20 play. At the conclusion
he celiist was warmly thanked gy the
King, who. after expressing himself as
ighly delighted with the music added.
"Of all the cellists / have heard and
hey include Patti. David0ff Pepper and
Their great artists. YOU here Mr. Van
iene politely bowed naturally expecting
o be told he was the sreatest-.yol. Mr..
IAN Bienc. perspire the NEST"
Senator Mason and William J. Bryan
ret the other day IN the Marble Room
'hby. They shook hands and Mr. Mason
aid
50 you are in the newspaper business
ow7
Yes" replied Mr.. Bryan.
Doing well2"
Very we'll indeed"
Good circulation and your paper going
veTywh ere1'
Yes. splendid prospects
THAT reminds me Of a story" said
r. Mason. "A friend Of mine startcd
newspaper which seemed % De- -FOUR
hing ard prosperous. ] met him one
as and asked him how Dc was COM
lg on with the paper Fire DO said +
iood advertising. good circulation and
in good shape Your paper B.
Ding everywhere2 / inquired Yes IN
asd. he said. 1 just put a mortgage on
y house this morning to keep Dc from
ping 20 the devil
- ~
Ilstiefeia was Droslf- I
q IN tho House the other day he
Fought down his gavei % notify Repre-
ntative Jenkins rhat his time had ex-
red. and by accident Speaker Brnder- 8
n favorlfe fumDier that stood on the 2
SIX was broken into many pieces
The gentieuau's time has expired 8
ia Representative IAtneaeid. "ana -
IS the lumber ,
zsg
Before making millions ex-senator Eli q
ard n. Walc0tt and bis brother es-
hlshec laR and real estate Office in q
-orgetowu. Col Henry Woicotf ruu rne r
ai estate tuGiuesq ard d1d fairly svelf
q thcrc Vas nothing doing in fhe faw q.
d the ex-senator became diec0Hraafd +
decided 20 move 10 an a1t1irilE i
mr. who're silver .eal tad been struck. =
E packed BIS 1eio1EiugH 90 donkey
~ as DE- was leaving p relnrnr eere1
first sign. reading Ed Wcfcsft r.
Tor dcot warr thst sirn - you. =
.nr asked the ex-senator
$50. "a. take g ATOMS rrrlfrd lferrT =
EDWARD packed tae H.zm ra the ao1Erv
q arrived ~ fhe re mining camp
aeXr afternoon aat dusk T
aera cue ~ aal foeHef htm sfer
s ~ them resl fhe siEr r