Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-09-29
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In Chicago.-"Will you marry me?''
What! again!-Judge.
The Trust Principle.-It is easier to
rob million Of men Of a dollar each
than to rob one man of a Million
Life.
Mrs. Jones-"1 always think twice
before l speak once. sir" Mr.. Jones
(sighing)-'Exactly, Maria-but you're
such quick thinker!"-Puck.
Mistress Ito newly-engaged cook
"And now, what shall we call yOu?"
COOk-"Well. num- me name is Ber-
tina, but me friends all calls me Birdie"
Swapping condolences: May hear
Belle had great talk with Harry out
on the beach" Clara-"l should say
she did. Why. even her tongue is sun
burned. FIX.
Haste necessary: Assistant Gin men.
agerie) -. "Sir. it rains!' Keeper
Good heavens. Don't waste min
ute. but take in that zebra. His color
Std Bits.
II the people who can't write had
the brains Of those who can, and those
who can had the skill Of those who
can't. what a glorious literature We
would soon have.-Ex.
Mrs. Hiram Ofren-"What made you
leave your last placer" The Cook Lady
""Tis insultin' We are, ma'am. NOthin'
rln Pa
go whin OF PLACES. "-Philadelphia
Press.
Northumberland you know enough
to salute your superior officer" New
Sentry-"I did, sir" Lieutenant-"I
failed to see you" Sentry-"I said,
Hello, there. but | guess you didn't
hear me-"
Kitty-"D'ye rally love me, Dinny?
Denny-"Do OF love We? Faith. Kit
ty. Ord do anything to live wild We
the rist av me loife. aven II OF knowed
'twould kill me this minute. "-Phila-
delphia Press.
Mrs. Benham-"It's hard on the peo-
pie Of Greenland to have nights six
months long" Benham-"Yes. Just
think Of the sufferings Of the poor man
whose wife's mother drops in to spend
the evening.
Casey-"Did We so ovter t. see Kel-
ly lasht noight?" Costigan-"Oi did
not. Afther Ord walked two-thirds av
tn way OF was too tired t. go shtep
further, so OF turned round an walked
back home again."-Judge.
Brother. don't you know If you
swear at those mules you won't get to
Paradise" Yes, pawsOn; but II
don't swear at them won't get to the
end Of the row. and that's the impor-
tant thing at presevt. "-Philadelphia
Record.
Eyes, count. in all the park there is
no place like so we'll as under this
old, old tree. (Sighing sentimentallyo
There are tender associations, you
see." "Aha! l comprehend. mam'selle.
You have yourself planted the tree"
Punch.
His choice jury: Lawyer Brief
see that case of yours is on. Jury
drawn YETI" Lawyer Skinner-"Yes,
and it's splendid one" Lawyer
Brief-"Above the average in intelli-
gence. eh?' Lawyer Skinner-"No;
way below t."-Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. Doolan-"Only think, Mrs. Gro
gan, that great PianipOunder has prac-
ticed so hard at the pianny for the
lasht six months that he has paraloysed
two fingers" Mrs. Grogan-"Begorrah,
that's nothing Mrs DoOlan. Me daugh-
ter, Mary Ann, has practiced so hard
for the lasht six months that she's par
aloyzed two pannies."
keeper)-"There isn't bit of fishing
about here. Every brook has a sign
warning people Off. What do you mean
by Turing anglers here with the prom.
Use Of fine fishing?" Hotel Keeper-"I
didn't say anything about fine fishing.
If you read my advertisement careful
ly. you will see that what l said was
Fishing unapproachabe.'
"Archibald. dear" his wife said,
arOusing him "ln the dead of night"
Il wish you would walk baby a little
while. He's going to wake up" How
can do that. Lucinda?" expostulated
the sleepy husband. Ton know I've
got the ping-pong ankle" Then put
him in his cradle and rock him while"
Il can't do that, either I've got the
golf shoulder boston Courier.
The blood Of the soldier: II suppose,
colonel" said the beautiful grass
widow, that there often are moments
when you wish you were again on the
battlefield. thrilled by the roar and
fired by the excitement Of war" Yes"
he answered. looking around eagerly
for an avenue Of escape, and seeing
none, ''even now the old feeling comes
back to me. "-Chcag go RecOrl-IIerald
An appreciation: A man went with
his wife to visit her physician. The
doctor placed thermometer in the
woman's mouth. After two or three
minutes. Just as the physician was
about to remove the instrument. the
man. who was not used to such pro-
longed spell of brilliant silence on the
mart of his lifp'S partner said. "DOc.