Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1902-05-17
THE BOGUS CORPSE.
ny w. r. @. rHAcHER

5lfly, TSmlhlscently, u was IN TIE spring
sf TO-"
| When Billy uttered this stereotyped intro
iuct ion it Was the signal Tor all the knights
II the Grip" within hearing to gather
around, ligat fresh cigars and await the
forthcoming anecdote.
Yes continued he, after a moments
thought, "it was in '79-n April, and
was travelling through Idaho. Never been
through Buds Run, oh? Well, dunno as
fou've missed much. faint nothing but
an ordinary little one-muIe town with moth
Ing in 1t but ramshaekle houses and dozen
hores, and loafers and dogs and mud.
Leastwaye that ) how ] remember it, | was
Town there with line Of dry goods-struck
he town in the morning, and not a
blamed train out in my direction till night
1 1t took me two hours to persuade the one
dry goods man that he wanted three or
Jour lots Of cheap prints; then / ate my
dinner, and found myself with nothing To
/ DO, and all the afternoon to do it In. |
oafed around the hotel awhile, trying to
start game OF poker, but the mossbacks
were all scared to play, so | walked down
20 the depot, where there was quite crowd
collected, watching a dog fight and waiting
.or the afternoon passenger train to 90
through. Pretty soon in She came with
,creech and Jar, and before she stopped
.he engineer jumped out Of the cab and
shouted out: There's man shot up at Big
Cut-he's lynn down at the bank of the
creek and bleedin' like hi. You better
get doctor and hustle right up there,' and
before he had time to explain any more the
conductor hollered All aboardr and he
:lum back into the cab and pulled out.
well, you can bet there was big excite
ment there in no time Twa'n't more than
! minute before the station was full Of men,
md everyone asking what's up and giving
OTIS OF free advice, and no one knowing what
to do. Pretty soon some one sung out:
Here's Doc Cootsi He's the man we want.
/ He'll know what to do And he was the
nan, too. As soon as he understood what
The trouble was be began giving orders,
sharp-like:
You, Jim,' he says. Get some men and
run out the hand car quick as you know how
That'H get us there quicker horse The
men caught on, and the hand car was out in
no time.
! Course | was in for the fun, and J
jumped on the hand car the first one. Doc
md Jim and some other men piled on, and
we started for the Cut as fast as we could
pump the handles. 1t was up grade, and
darned hot day, and l was pretty near done
when we got to the Cut-it was about two
niles-but we were all pretty much excited
and never minded the work As soon as we
got there we pulled the hand car off the
rack and ran down the bank and went to
hunting for that corpse. Well, sir, we
ooked over every square foot for amie but
there want no corpse to be found no
wheres-not even a footprint, nor drop
Of blood, nor any sign of corpse. After
we'd hunted for half an hour we came h elk
| to the hand car, pretty tired and swear
ing mad, when Doc brought his hand down
On his leg with a slap.
Boys he says, we've just been April
fooled, like lot of id suckers
well, he'd struck it; sure enough, if he
hadn't. No one d thought of its being the
lst of April, and, | tell you, they were the
sickest lot of men you ever saw; and talk
about cussing!
pretty soon Jim spoke up and said; Doc,
we'd better get on Sle hand car and skip
/ the country, for there won't be any living in
Buds Run after such sell as this Then
everybody groaned and went to swearing
again.
Just then an idea struck me how to get
out of the difficulty. thought it over while
they were cussing the engineer, and then
/ stood up on the hand car and said: Boys,
j if you'll let up moment and listen TO me, /
/ think | can get you out of this scrape.' They
hadn't noticed till then that was stran-
| ger, but they all said go ahead. We'll, says
4 [, my plan is like this: 1t strikes me that
so long as we can't find corpse, we've got
to make one, and propose to be the corpse
Now, I'm stranger here, and no one no.
liced me git on the car You rip a wide
board off the fence there, and I'll lie down
On it, and you cover me up with your coats,
and Wen give Buds Run the biggest April
fool they ever had
"The boys were tiekled most to pieces
with the plan, and we talked it all over and
! fixed the details so everything would run
smooth. They were to carry me up in front
Of the drug store, and keep the crowd wait
! ing till my train pulled in. Then Doc was
to jerk the coat from my head and / was
to cut for the depot.
"Wel, the boys got the board, and just
as we got in sight of town | lay down on
/ it, and they threw their coats over me- /
! fixed it so / could look through tear and
see pretty much everything going on. j
could see the crowd craning their necks to
see and hear 'em talking and whispering.
The whole town was out and the excitement
was something awful. When we got to the
station Doc jumped off the car and began
ordering the people back, as officious as a
( policeman at a circus: Get back, men; we
must have room here. Move back, there
Make way, people, -Four of the boys picked
me up and carried me, as slow as funeral,
up to the drug store and set the board on
a couple Of benches on the sidewalk.
doc, he was the coroner, too, and he
made it more interesting by making believe
he was going to hold an inquest. Sheriff.
/ heard him say, 'impanel jury right off
We can't delay-very serious case OF
course everyone was anxious to serve on the
jury, and the sheriff was hustlin' round as
important as an alderman on election day,
and everything getting hotter and more ex-
| - inr I'll | heard my train nuhistla ahnnA