davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
FRANKS OF CUPID.
Some Celebrated Men Who ..arricl
Their Domestic Servants.


Their Domestic Servants.
Many celebrated men have married
their domestic servants. Sir Henry
TalScs, premier of New South Males.
is an example. One night when dining
at Il friends house he was struck by
the appearance OF IL servant girl who
waited upon the table and persuaded
his host to allow her To enter his cin-
ploy. This She did and for a short time
held the position of cook in Sir llenry's
household. Then he made her Lady
parkcs.
.nt more illustrious than this is the
case of Peter the Great. One day he
was dining at the house of Prince Men
shikoff. He noticed one of the servant
maids particularly, and. though she
w:is; not handsome. she caught his fan
cy. Her name. the prince told Tive ear,
was Martial She had been IL servant
i'll the house of Il Lutheran minister of
MarienDllIg. and when that city was
captured by the troops Of Russia she
had been taken prisoner by General
Bauer who had passed her over to the
prince. whose servant she MAS. The
count politely made q present of her to
the czal'. who eventually married her
William s'oI1bctt. the great writer,
when he was only twcntyonr years Of
ngc one morning cli;llccG 10 see Il hux-
ON servant Girl busils engaged in
washing the family linen. The girl
was pretty, so Coll5ctt spoke 10 her.
learned her n:mc and tine same even
ing callcd upon lier parents and said
he would like To marry taeir d;,u=htcr
The parents of the giri inf armed the
young man that they had no affections
to him as tlicir son in-l:lw. but that he
would have to wait until their laugh
ter was Of Il nnria.seablr age Five
years later colbctt, true to his carly
love, married her.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
THE BAMBOO HAIR.
A Slow but Sure Poison That IL U.sa
by the Javanese.

by the Javanese.
The young shoots of the bamboo are
covered with q number Of very fine
hairs that are seen under the micro
scope to he hollow and spiked like bay
Onets. These hairs are commonly called
dent in Java for the reason that mur-
der is frequently committed through
their agency.
When Javanese woman takes n
fancy to European, according to an
official Dutch report, she will either
have him or poison him IL she gets the
chance. She seeks any and every OPP
portunity of mixing these infinitesimai
hairs among his food, and they serve
the purpose of irritating the whole
length OF the alimcntary canal and set
ting up malignant dysentery. 1t may
take a long time and many doses of
this SO called poison to effect the pur-
pose, but the native woman does not
tire, and death will surely result. The
male native will also try this method
OF revenge for an afTront.
The planters know all this and dread
the bamboo hair, but it is alw9y ys dill
cult to determine whether the dyscn-
terry is caused by the poison or comes
about naturally. When planter finds
himself prey to attacks of that COM
plaint, his best course is to take a voy-
age to Europe.-Pcarson's.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
The Lnird's Last Drink.

The remark of counsel In a will case
the other day that there were two pc.
culiarities about highlandcrs, their
great devotion to the national drink
and their power Of absorbing whisky
without apparently getting the worse
for 1t, recalls the old story of how the
laird of Garscaddcn took his last draft.
A considerable number OF lairds had
congregated in the clachan of law for
the ostensiblc purpose Of talking over
some parish business. They talked well
and drank still better and one of them
about the dawn of the morning, fixing
his eye on Garscaddcn, remarked that
he was looking unco cash" (very
ghastly).
Upon which the laird OF Kilmardin-
ny coolly replied: "IIc has been WI his
Maker these twa hours. I saw him
step AVA. but didna like to disturb
guild company" y!"-London Chronicle.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
sheen In Varied Clothinr.

One of the results of the investiga-
ton of a special committee of the So
ciety of Arts into the question of book
binding goes to show that sheepsllin
is often used by boolibinders under
very different names They found
books bound nominally in I.evant mo-
rocco, hard grain morocco. straight
grain morocco. pigskin. calfskin. croco-
die and alligator feathers. all of which
on close microscopic examination were
found to be the ordinary common
shecpskin on which had been stamped
the special grains and markings of the
skins they were got up to initiate. The
committee, however, were satisfied
that in many cases both the book
binders and the librarians had bought
these feathers under the impression
that they were buying the genuine ar
ticla.-I.ondon Globe.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20

Most of the Russian peasants pass a
great deal of their lives in workshops,
where they work. eat and sleep, the
same room slleltcring . number and
probably Il pig in the bargain. There
are few beds. Instead, al! around the
four walls Of the room is fixed what
may be literally described rs Il bench.
1t is made OF wood, and ut this works
the peasant by day, and ON it he sleeps
by night, each man ut his own spot.
The conditions Of the Russian work
shop or factory and the Russian prison
and military barracks, so far as In
terror arrangements are concerned, are
akin. Chairs there will also be and Il
table, rudcly fashioned. as Il rule, by
the men themselves. Saturday Re-
Wow
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
------------
TALKING TO ONESELF.
solticauics Are Rare Because We
Fcnr They Mean Madness

Talking to oneself has this obvious
advantage over amy other form of ora
tory or gossip: One is assured of II
sympathetic audience. But it has also
this peculiar drawback: 1t is supposed
to he one of the early symphonic OF in
sanity. Wrongly so perhaps. y mad
doctor might rule the habit out OF his
diagnosis. Nevertheless lllr popular
belief is firmly rooted. and it is for
fear of this belief doubtless that we
talk to ourselves oven as we dress oul.
hair With strawS SO rarely.
Ii may he said that we never do adj
dress ourselves at amy length except in
the deili,lmi OF IL fever. In moments
of ordinary excitement of course we
utter 10 he wind some sort of applo
pirate ejaculation. Delight wrings
from us Il cry OF "iInrr;sh." or "'lhani
hcavcn." eyrn tloI:sh there he none 10y
TO echo us. Similarly in amy disgust
We emit one of those sounds whose
Rather poor cquiyalrnts in print are
., gll." and ''ia.lgll. and Tut" Much
further than this We do NOT &c. "Why.
"ii'tl an 'tSs' 'tiil 4. SliSS lIdillicl IN
one OF his so!ilouuics. Orlitting the
first word and transposing the last
two. the ordinary modern man does
often soliloquizc To THAT extent. But
he could no more soilouuzc to Ham
lets extent than lie could speak in
decasyllalics.
Nor is there amy reason to suppose
that that class of the community with
which contcmptuous OF his own nnen-
cy, Hamlet compared himself Il, or
ev"r Was more prone 10 soliloenize
than amy other. In the matter OF solil-
oquics we cannot accept Hamlet as an
unbiased authority. We merely find in
him the possible origin of the belief
that talking TO oneself is a bad sign.
Saturday Review
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
a COMEDIANS TRICK.
Ruse by Which He Escaped Arreat
md Had His Debts Paid.

Many amusing stories are told of Joe
Haines, comedian of the time OF
Charles H., sometimes called "Count"
Haines. 1t is said that he was arrested
one morning by two bailitfs for debt
of l20. when he saw bishop to whom
he was related passing along i'll his
coach. With ready resource lie imme-
diately saw Il loophole for escape, and,
turning to the men, he said, LET me
speak to his lordship, to whom am
we'll known, and he will pay the debt
and your charges into the bargain"
The bailiffs thought they might ven
ture this, as they We're within two or
three yards of the coach, and acceded
to the request. Joe boldly advanced
and took off his hat to the bishop. His
lordship ordered the coach to stop,
when Joe whispered to the divine that
the two men were suffering from such
Scruples of conscience that he feared
they would hang themselves. suggest
ing that his lordship should invite then,
to his house and promise to satisfy
them. The bishop agreed, and, calling
to the bailiffs, he said, '.You two men
come to me tomorrow morning, and
will satisfy YOU"
The men bowed and went away
pleased, and early the next day waited
on his lordship, who, when they We're
ushered in, said. "Well, my men, what
are these scruples of conscience"
"Scruples? replied one of them. 1--WE
have no scruples! We are bailiffs, my
lord, who yesterday arrested your cou-
sin, Joe Haines, for debt of f2O, and
your lordship kindly promised to salts
fy u.s."
The trick was strange. but the result
was stranger, for his lordship, either
appreciating it's cleverness or consider.
ing himself bound by the promise he
had unintentionally given, there and
then settled with the men in full
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20

It is perfectly plain that large fish
are more apt TO escape than snlill ones.
Their weight and activity, combined
with the increased trickincss ard rc-
so'lrccfulncss OF age and experience, of
course greatly increase their ability to
tear out the iool: and cnllancc the dam
ger that their antics will expose q fatal
weakness in \. cadcr. liilc or rod.
Another prcsi pt3n which must be
rcgrctfully mentioned arises from the
fact that in many cases it is the en-
counter with !; large fish which causes
such excitement and such distraction
or pcrvcrsion CT Judgment us leads the
fisherman to do the wrong hing or fail
to do the right thing at the critical in
stant. Grover Cleveland in Saturday
Evening Post.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
Function. of Fruit,

The Medicine Brief thus summarizes
the various uses of fruit in relieving
diseased conditions of the body. The
list is worth keeping: Under the cate
CORY Of laxatives. oranges, figs, tama-
rinds, prunes, mulberrics, dates. nee
tarines and plums may be included.
Pomegranates, cranberrics. blackber-
ries, sulnac berries. dewberries, rusp
berries, barberries, ounces, pears, wild
cherries and medlars are astringents
Grapes, peaches, Strawberries. whortle
berries, prickly pears, black currants
and melon seeds are diuretics. Goose
berries, red and white currants. pump.
kins and melons are refrigerants. Lem
ons lines and apples are stomachc Sc
datives.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
THE POINT OF THE JOKE.
1t Was Difficult For the En.lishman,
but lie Finally Saw 1t.

n party of Englishmcn We're in Chi
cngo sightseeing some time ago. They
w.,re entertained at dinner by some
Chicago Englishmcn who have lived in
America long enough to have a keen
appreciation of the American idea OF Il
joke During the evening all the mem
bers OF the party told stories or sung
songs and entertained according ia
their several abilities.
One of the English visitors could see
nothing funny in the stories told by tho
Chicago Englishmen. Every time one
OF them would tell good American
story ut which most of the party would
laugh ,proariously this particular Eng
lishnan would adjust his monocle &c
his eye and, looking won,ieringly
around the table. would remark, "Rut
say, l don't see anything III that tc
laugh at, v lSnaw.'
One of the Chicago mon finally re-
cited an original poem. The poem told
of an Englishman who had come .c
America and after being in This cCun-
try only short time had died aud gone
to another and much warmer country
Ten years passed, and one day an imp
passing that way heard the English.
man laughing uproariously.
why, what are you laughing at?" in
Quired the imp.
ooh, oE, oh. such a funny story as
heard i'm America! Oh. it was so fun
ny" laughed the victim, and he held his
hands to his side and almost doubled
up with merriment.
~ story you heard! Why, you've
heard no story" said the imp. "You'vc
been dead ten years"
''Ycs, yes, l know, know" cried the
man. but I've just seen the Joke
This poem set the table in roar
Amid all the laughing and shouting
the obtusc visitor adjusted his monocC
and drawled out, but, | say, don'i
see anything funny in that, v lSnaw.'
"No,' replied the man who had read
the poem as quick as Il flash. 'Ot
course you don't. You haven't beer
dead ten years" And even The obtust
EngIisllman s;lw the point. Chicago
Tribune
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
RICE WATER NUTRITIOUS.
Curious Way Some British Officers
lliscOycreL ylts ENCt

1t is probable that few occidental
cooks who prepare rice i'm various
forms for die. arc aware that in dis
curding tho water in M'.ich 1t Is boiled
they ale wasting What is regarded by
Tho oriental as the most nutritious part
OF the food. This fa.. w:ls curiously
pyove, solne years since when a de-
troulr, in India .'uiilrl themselves be-
leaguered iii . fort ,..l, Insufficient la-
tions even of ri.c. Il, rn:.ioie t.ion 10
held out until II 20: se ,auil ,n:.rch 10
their relief.
1t was When the c;.csE- we~ sc7..
ously debating this pro!cm. 'sst ;,,e
natives urpr. atilej slle,n ,,ish what
was regarded as cul;ssus 80. Ion of
the difficulty. III. proposed lc latter,
the Europeans ty.k ;ill tllc liu i.scy,
the natives. wouli be qpi,s ,,lltent
with the water IA which ii ". S h'.ila,!.
The suggestion. II place ct ;ily better.
was ad ptcsl. when Il VA, rc.sarl,cl
that while the Enro.'ans fpa.,I il diff
ticult TIC maintain their strength ni full
rations of rice the natives lost none of
tilei. stamina by several wees diet On
tho water. When the proposal was
made, the action of t..e natives was
praised as one of great lcTotion to
their supcriors. but the sentiment was
somewhat Modified when the discov-
cry was made that the natives were
quite aware that the principal nOurisl.-
ment lay in the w:stcr.
Since that time Europeans in the ori-
ent, following the custom Of the ma
tives, have given rice water to pa
tients, particularly i'm cases Of cholera,
as q last resort when 10 other food can
he retained in the stomach and usually
with god results But the natives al
ways value tlis water so highly that il
is never thrown away.
In fact. it would surprise many cooks
to discover how much may be done
with this apparently worthless stock.
If the rice is cooked i'm the oriental
fashion-tlat is. boiled only 50 long
that each grain comes out of5the pan
separate and not MS n sodden mass
the water when strained off and per.
nlttcd to cool will become a jelly ap-
proaching the consistency of blanc
mango To suit the occidental palate
the water should be favored with All
extract or otherwise the jelly may
have rather an nSipid taste.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
New YorL,, Tnn Men.


Why are there so many very tall men
in New York? is question often asked
by visitors to the city. The pecularity
Is so patent that it very soon forces it.
self on the attention of every casual
observer. The men are not the ordina-
rily tall men OF six feet or so that one
sees quite as many OF in Pittsburg or
Chicago as you do in New York, but
the men whose heads rise up noticea-
bly, out Of the crowd wherever they
are. What brings them here or what
grows them here are questions. They
are so plentiful that one can scarcely
walk block down town without meet
1ng seyeral.-New York Letter in Pitts-
burg Dispatch.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20

Once upon time in II melodramatic
theatrical performance the leading man
took Il fiery, untamcd stced on the
stage After the horse heard some Of
the lines delivered by several of the
actors he began Kicking the flats and
wings to pieces, sending them up
among the flies.
"Help, hclp~ cried the leading man.
"Nay. nay" answered the manager.
''The horse shows great discernment.
He is trying to elevate the stage"
Moral.-Wc should not scorn the
most humble effort in Il good cause.
New York Herald.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20

or Wordsworth, s@ut,icy 'Nr!.c IN
1908, says Harold 5. Scott in ,l'hc .At
lanlc: He has written u miasfe'lA
poem called The White Doe OF iilist~ii
Hall; or. The Fate ol the NoIioms 'lhp
poem is nconipar:ihly fine. II w@lilt.
nmusc YOU to hear how he talks ot his
own production. His entire and intense
scllishncss exceeds anything you ceGld
have conceived | ain more amused nj
II than offended; not being sufficiently
attached To him 70 feel pain at percciv.
ing his faults, and yet respecting him
far too much on The average Of his
qualities to be disgnsted. 1t is so pare
and nnmXed a passion in him That Ben
.Jonson would have had him IN Il play
had he been his contemporary"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
PlCKlNGs FROM FICTION.

"Counting the cost of sins and fol
lies is always a hard sum in arithmetic.
Trinity Bells"
Good cooks are more i'm demand than
saints these days. THE Tempting of
Father Anthony"
One has often TO draw upon the imag-
ination even in serious '.re:lism.''-
Confessions OF Caricaturist"
There's nothing so good TO brush
away the cobwebs of scruples as the
pleasures of life Doris Kingsley
Wherever II m:lli strays aside from
the beaten path there he finds the devil
waiting for him. Tile God Seeker"
There is no advantage in being poor
if YOU cunt be common. II would be
like lDcin. we'll off without II taste for
music or ariicholies'. THE Last of the
KnickcrbockerS;"
And at least ann fair TO confess that
the sensation OF having once again
cican, smart clothes upon my person
gave q wonderful impetus TO my self
esteem. Loves Itinerary"
seems 10 me 'ile Almighty just wants
fellrr TO 90 the right thing by his
ncishbor and not be too Independent
but go long Kind o humble like and
keep clean. The Man From tslcngar-
ry."
Never be a-wasting Your time a-tiink-
ing w.lcrca woman is concerned. W hen
her heart steps np and lays hold the
rcins, the stecl gallops 10 the goal;
she's always time to think after she's
acted. My Lady Peggy Goes 10
Town."
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
Tyentieth Century Medicine

The twentiotll century has almcst a
free field In medicine. Although much
has been accomplished in the treatment
of diseases, the science is still largely
experimental. and there is room for q
host of discoveries Perhaps by the
time this century Is ended there will bc
of treatment for every i'll the flesh ia
heir to, so that a few vaccinations and
other treatments will guarantee immu-
nifty for Il long period Then centcna-
rians will be MS common MS blackbcr-
ries and a man will be young at eighty.
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
Benevolent.

There was not long since a venerable
and benevolent judge in Paris who ut
the moment of passing sentence OH Il
prisoner consulted his associates on
each side of him as to the proper pen
atty to be inflicted. "What ought we to
give this rascal. brother" he said,
bending over to the one upon his right.
81 should say three years" What is
your opinion, brother:" to the other on
his left. Il should give him about four
years" The judge with benevolence)--
Prisoner, not desiring to give You a
long and severe term of imprisonment.
as should have done If left to myself.
have consulted my learned brothers.
and shall take their advice. Seven
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
LlFE's UPS AND DOWNS.
she Magnificent Revenge of Gov
crnOr of Missouri.

ehc Magnificent Revenge of n Gov.
crnor of Missouri.
While Robert Stewart was governor
of Missouri steamboat man was
brought in from the penitentiary as al
applicant for a pardon He was a large
powerful fellow, and when the govern
OF looked at him he seemed strangely
affected. He scrutinized him long ant
closely. Finally he signed tie Locll-
mcnt that restored the prisoner to lib
erty. Before he handed 1t to him h,
said, "Nou will commit some Other
crime and bc in the penitentary again
| fear"
The man solemnly promised that Ii.
would not. The governor looked doubt
full, unused few minutes and said:
You will go back ON the river ant
be mate Il: ain, supposc:'
'!'ilc man replied that lie would.
well. Want sou to promise me ont
thing" resumed the governor II wan
YOU 10 pledge Your word that when yol
billet OF wood in Your hand and driv,
II sick hoy ont of bunk To help Vol
load Your boat on stormy night
The steamboat man said he would
moi and inquired what the governor
meant es asking him such Il question
The governor replied: Because som.
day that boy may become II governor
and You may want him 10 pardon yol
for a crime. One dark, stormy night
lnany years ago. You stopped Your boa
ON the Mississippi river to take on !;
load of wood. There was boy OF
board who was working his passag,
from New Orleans to st. Louis, but ht
was very sick OF fever and was lying IL
Il bunk. You had plenty of men to d.
the work. but you Went to that boy
with a stick of wood in your hand lnt
drove him With blows and curses on
into the wretclcd night and kept him
toiling like Il slave until the load wa.
completed. was that boy. Here is
your pardon. Never again be guilty o
such brutality"
The man, covering and hiding hi.
face, went out without word.
What q noble revenge that was ant
what lesson to a bully y.-Succcss.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20

The polka is the natural dance fer
the feet ofthc people Fake in evidence
It's origin. n Bohemian peasant girl
WAS seen dancing out of her own
head" cNtempprizin% from the sheer
JOY of her heart song, tune and steps.
This she did ON Il Sunday afternoon in
Elbclcinitz. and an artist. one Josef
Neruda, who spicd her, made note OF
all he SAW. The people of the town
adopted tile dance and called it the
pulka, half step. In 1880 it reached
Prague and Vienna i'm 1910; thence it
spread rapidly through Europe. Whom
NJ. Cellarus introduced it TO the Pari-
slams, we hear that all else gave way
before 'thc all absorbing pursuit, the
polka, which embraces i'm its qualities
the intimacy of the waltz with the vi
vacity of the Irish jig. "-Cassell's Mag
aZine,
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-03-20
THE BULGARIAN.
A Peculiar Fellow. He Is Either
Soldier or a Peasant.


Soldier or q Peasant.
1t is strange country of contrasts,
this Bulgaria that people have SO long
watched as danger spot. The peasant
Is a heavily built fellow, with Kali
muk nose if he happens to be pure bred
from the original Samoyede Stock
which is not likely. His language has
become Slavic, which means Ian
guage in which "beefsteak" is "mpiph-
teki" and "omeIet soutiie" is so1nlet
cuphle."
The Bulgarian is peasant or SOL
dier. He knows no other trade. AS a
farmer the sheep is all in all to him,
food and clothing and companionship,
Gays writer in The Era He lives in q
hovel, does not understand why he
should be taxed and makes his women
slave i'll the field. He is called close
listed, churlish and suspicious and has
some of the virtues that often 90 with
those qualities.
When Bulgaria became practically
free of the sultan, there We're many
Turks left in the country. These are
gradually being crowded out, but there
is still a mosque in Christian Sofia, and
In the palace of the sobranje, or parlia-
ment, where the members have better
accommodations than the lords of Brit
ain on the Thames embankmcnt. some
twenty Turkish deputies always sit to-
gether and exert an influence that they
never could do in their own land by
voting always with the party in power.
Every Saturday the members of the
sobranje are paid at the rate of 10
francs a day, all in silver five frame
pieces. These peasant lawmakers knot
1t up in handkerchiefs. grin slowly and
shake the jingling pieces playfully in
one another's face. They are playing
at craftsmanship yet. but fairly well
upon the whole.