davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
THEY GOT FREE SEATS.
An Order That Was Promptly Hon.
OrcL ut the BOX Office

An Order Tint Was Promptly HOna
OrcL nt the Box Office
Once whes Nat Goodwin was play.
ing in Chicago two men approached
his manager, who was standing in the
lobby of the thcater, and introduced
themselves as IL couple of actors. Their
names were entirely unknown to him,
and they had nothing to show that
they We're what they claimed to be.
Accordingly he refused to give them
seats. but they We're persistent. One
of the men in particular was offensive
ly so. He shook his fist under tha
managers nose and demanded who it
was that dared refuse him passes.
"l'll see MIR. Goodwin" he declared.
I'm see If little whipper snapper
like you can refuse me seats. You don't
know who we arc, eh? WE'LL who arc
YOU? Let's see your card. I'll see Mr..
Goodwin about 1t"
The manager. who feared scene,
handed over one of his cards and told
the men he was responsible and quite
willing to take the consequences of re-
fusing to give them seats.
A few minutes later the two men
came back to the theater. One Of them
had written Pass two" on the man
ayers card. lie presented the card ut
the box office, and it was promptly
honered. Then they went in.
When, half an hour later, the man
ayers attention was called to what
had been done, he was ut first inclined
to take some severe action, but later
he saw the joke on himself.
Let them alone" lie said. "If they've
got nerve enough to do that, they are
entitled to seats. You had better send
an usher down aud ask them il they
wouldn't like Il box.''-Chicago Trib-
une
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
], A FAlTHLEss LAWYER. --,..l ~.
ACCEPTED Retaining Ecc nnd Then
Played His Client False.


A lawyer tells how he once played a
client false. II shall have to make n
lawyer out of that boy of mine.
don't sec any other way out of it," de-
clarcd the we'll known attorney, with n
laugh. "lIe came into my office on his
Way home from school and laid IL nick
cl down OH the desk before me. What
is this for, SOM asked. Retainer he
answered sobcrly. Very we'll, said l,
entering into the joke. What have
been retained uponT My boy dug down
into his pocket and produced note
from his teacher and placed 1t before
me without comment. 1t was to the
effect that he had been cutting up and
advised IL whipping. Now, what would
You advise! asked he in II businesslikc
voice after l had read the note and
saw the trap that young rascal led me
into. i think that our first move should
he to apply for IL change Of venue'
said l. Very well,' lie answered
YOU'RE handling The case Then we
will turn the note over to your mother
said l. l saw the young imp's face fall
at this, but he braced up and said,
See here, pop, you're bound to see me
through OH this, cause you've accepted
my retainer you know!' IN argue
your case before the court answered.
but you'll have to accept the decision.
| would not dare to attempt to intlu-
ence the court Well, l pleaded the
boys case, promptly had it thrown out
of court and the bOy rot what he do
served, good whipping. 1t was the
first time ! ever played false to
client."-Detroit Free Press.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13

While the dinner hour still clings to
the noontimc among country people it
has advanced in the cities until now 1t
occurs at amy time between noon and
midnight. And that reminds us, says
the Montgomery (Aln.) Advertiser, of
one of the many stories about Colonel
Davy Crockett. While he was II mem
Der of congress and was at his home in
Tennessee some one asked him about
the dinner hour in Washington He
said the common people ate dinner at
II, the next above them at /, the mel-
chants at 2. the representatives ut 3,
the senators Mt 4, members of the cabi-
net at ) and the vice president at g.
"But when does the president dineI"
"What! Old lIiclory:" said Crockett,
anxious to fix time that would suit
his idea of Jaclson's greatness. "Well,
he don't eat till next day.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
A Gluttonou. Boy.

A merchant died ut Ispahan in the
earlier part of last century who had
for many Years denied himself and his
son every support except crust of
coarse bread. On certain occasion
he was ovcrtempted to buy n piece of
cheese; but, rcproaching himself with
extravaganza, he put the cheese into
a bottle and contentcd himself and
obliged the boy to do the same, with
rubbing the crust against the bottle,
enjoying the cheese in Imagination.
One day, returning home later than
usual, the merchant found his son eat
ing his crust, which he constantly rub
bed against the door.
What are you about, you fool?" was
his exclamation. '.It is dinner time,
father. You have the key; so, ms
could not open the door, l was rub
bling my bread against it, as could
not get to the bottle" "Cannot you go
without cheese one day, you luxurious
little rascal? You'll never be rich."
And the angry miscr kicked the poor
boy for not having been able to deny
himself the ideal qualification.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
For Thanksgiving Day

the Nickle Plate Road will sell
tickets within distance of $50
miles, November 26th and 9th,
at rate Of q fare aud a third for
the round trip. Tickets good re-
turning until November 2Sth in
elusive. This road has three ex-
press trains daily to Ft Wayne,
Cleveland, Erie, Buffalo, New
York and Boston, with vestibuled
sleeping-cars. Also excellent
dining-car service, meals being
served on Individual Club Plan
ranging in prices from 35c. to
$l.00; also a la carte. For reser-
walton in sleeping-cars or other
information, address John Y Gala
han, General Agent, l13 Adams
st, Room 29S, Chicago. City
ticket Office, Ill Adams st.
ltwn26
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
PATH OF OCEAN CABLES.
Submarine Tahlelands That stretch
AcrosN the Atlantic.

Across the Atlantic.
There seems to he no logical reason
why cables cannot he laid across any
section of the oceans of the world, no
matter how great the depth. Some por-
tions of the Atlantic cables arc three
miles below the surface, and this is not
necessarily the extreme depth. for the
cable may and probably does pass
from the top of one submarine hill to
another without dropping materially
into the deep valleys between, says
Lippincott's Magazine. The greatest
known depth Of the sea is 4O,036 feet,
or { 80 miles, found i'm the south At
lantic midway between the island of
Tristan da Cunha and the mouth of
the Rio de In Plata. Soundings have
been made to the depth of 7,4S0 feet
in the north .Atlnntic south of New
foundland, and about $4,000 feet, or
nearly ~. miles, is reported south of
the Bcrmudas. Even such enormous
depths as these need not hinder cable
laying so far as the theory is con-
ccrncd, but in practices, for reasons of
economy in maintenance and other
wise, 1t is found best to take advan-
tage of favoring conditions in the
oceans bed. To illustrate, all of the
cables between the United States and
Europe run up along our coast until
they reach the ncighborhood of New
foundland before starting across to
their destination In Ireland or France.
The reason for this Is found in the
range of submarine tablclands, form
ing an ideal cable bed, which lies be-
tween the three latter countries.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
Where woncn prnno.e

In the Ukraine, Russia, the woman
does all the counting. When she falls
in love with n man. she goes to his
house and informs him of the state of
her feelings. II he reciprocatcs, all is
we'll, and the formal marriage is duly
arranged. If, however, lie is unwll
ing, she remains there hoping to coax
him to a better mind The poor fellow
cannot treat her with the least dis
courtesy, nor has he the consolation of
being able to turn her out, as her
friends In such Il case would feel bound
to avengc the insult. His remedy,
therefore, III determined not to marry
her, is to leave his home and stay away
as long as she Is in it. y similar prac
tlce to that in the Ukraine exists among
the Zuni tribe of Indians. The woman
does all the counting and also controls
the situation after marriage. To her
belong all the children, and descent
including inheritance, Is also ON her
side.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
At Sea On Lanl.

A clergyman who had neglected all
knowledge of nautical affairs was
asked to deliver an address before an
audience of sailors.
lIe was discoursing Oh the stormy
passages of life. Thinking he could
make his remarks more pertinent to his
hearers by mrtaphorically using sea
expressions. he said:
Now, friends, you know that when
you are Mt sea In IL storm the thing you
do liz anchor"
\ half concealed snicker spread over
the room, and the clergyman knew
that he had made IL mistake
After the services one of his listeners
came to him and said. MIR. , have
you ever been ut sea:"
The minister replied:
NO, unless it was while was dcliv-
ering that address. New York Times
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
Sam Jones to Reporters.

A prominent Baltimore physician
tells In the Baltimore Sun the follow
ing anecdote about Sam Jones, the
Georgia evangelist
When several years ago Mr.. Jones
was ut Emory Grove camp, the news
paper reports of his sermons caused
him to complain
At the last service he looked down
ut the reporters, who sat Mt table
just in front Of the pulpit, and said:
And l want to tell you fellows that
| like you II lot in spite of your mani
fold faults. You boys don't treat me
right, though. You take my sermons
and pick out Il piece here, a piece there
and piece somewhere else. Then
you string the pieces together, and,
naturally, they read funny.
Now, suppose reported the Bible
that way. man asks ME what the
Bible tells him to do. read III one
place. And Judas went out and hanged
himself turn over and read, Go
thou and do likcwise' And in another
place iind And do 1t quickly
Now, you see. boys, that sort Of
thing won't do. 1t mint fair"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
Kind Words Menn Much.

Cultivate kindness of heart. think
we'll OF your fellow men. look with
charity upon the shortcomings in their
lives. DO a good turn for them as
opportunity offers, and, finally, don't
forget the kind word at the right
time. How much n word of kindness,
encouragement or appreciation means
to others sometimes and how little 1t
costs us to give it!
We do not need to wait for some
special occasion. When calamity over
takes n friend. words of sympathy and
encouragement are offered sincerely
enough, yet in certain respects, as u
matter of course Such an occasion
calls for expression on our part, and
we naturally respond. But why whit
for occasion? Why not speak the kind
word when there is no special occa-
sion!-Ihiladelpllia Ledger.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
Discourteou. Courticr,

Once upon a time the prime minister
went to the king and complained that
Il certain courtier, who was very hard
Of hearing, had been making very un-
complimentary remarks about his SOW
ereign.
Your majesty should speak to him
about it," said the minister, that it
may cease, but you must needs speak
loud"
II will speak so loud" answered the
king, that l guarantee the offense will
never be repeated"
He then sent the offending courtier
to the guillotine.
Moral.-Ax speaks louder than
words. s.-New York Herald.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
A state Dinner In Venice,

In 1862 the patriarch of Aquileia
feted Ranuccio Farnesc, the pope's
nephew, in the palace OH the Giudcc-
ca. The rooms were declicd with eX-
traordinary sumptuousness, cloth OF
gold, paintings and illuminations add
ing to the effect produced by the patri
arch's cooks. Among the guests were
twelve gentlemen in fancy marine cos
tunes of green satin With red lining
wearing caps of the same colors and
each accompanied by II lady dressed in
white. This repast lasted four hours
varied by music and the professional
entertainers of the day. 1t ended with
the cutting up of certain large pies
from which live birds flew out into the
room. The guests strovc with each
other to catch these birds.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
The Little Einrer mil

Forty years ago in certain parts of
the United States 1t was the custom to
grow long nails. l we'll remember
some of the swells and puffcrs who
devoted more attention to their little
finger nails than they did to their
teeth, and often have seen the fifth
digit with Il claw on it an inch and ~
quarter in length. The nail was car
ried in Il stall, and on occasion was
split after the manner of steel or
Quill pen, so that its wcarcr could sign
his name to IL check with it, says IL
writer in the New York Press. The
trimming of nails today is an art
which gives employment to many pret-
ty women who style themselves mani
cures. Nearly every first class, up to
date barber shop has its manicure,
who delights the man needing II shave
or hair cut with an innocent Irritation.
She dresses garishly and has Il strut on
her that would arouse the envy of Il
saddle astridc fox clascress.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
Women In pnris streets.

1t is quite Il feature of Paris to see
streams of open carriages, private and
hired, taking folks for an after dinner
drive along the grand boulcvnrds,
which are throngcd with promcnadcrs
and groups of people sitting outside
cafes talking. Now and again car
riage will stop to deposit its burden In
front of a cafe and return later, either
to this or another to Which Its occu-
pants have migrated.
With her husband Frcnchwoman
may go anywhere, and 1T is quite Gus
tomary for the very incest French
women to take coffee in the open air
outside cafe and make this pleas
ant meeting place for friends.-EX-
change.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
lightning precnution

An electrical engineer declares that
the center of the room is the safest
place from lightning.
There is a constant tendency OIL the
part of the electricity in the sky to
reach the ground" he says. 'Io do this
it must have conductor. Atmos-
pherc electricity always follows the
outside of the conductor or agency
that leads it to the ground. That's
why the middle of the room is safest
during an electrical storm
Il know of a number of instances
where bolt Of lightning followed
the wallis of Il room, burning 1t ON all
four sides, while the people in it, being
away from the walls. We're only slight
ly shocked. That is the only safe pre-
caution known to science"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
SIZE HAD HER WAY.
The Story OF "a Tennis Racket ana a
Sarcastic Maiden.

AAG SsSOES III IL 1emAlS 1(NCket anu n
Sarcastic Maiden.
She was Il denure looking girl, young
and slight. and her hair clung to her
forehead in babyish little rings. In
her hand she held Il tennis racket.
Three of the strings We're sprung"
She explained to the salesman in the
big sporting goods house that the rack
ct was an expensive enc; that it had
broken at the first trial; that the fact
Of its having done so had caesed her
much annoyance, as she had bought 1t
for 81 birthday present. In conclusion
She was here to return it.
The salesman noted the babyish
bored but rather good natured cnt to
an irresponsible kitten, he promised to
have the racket rcstrung.
.lsut don't want 1t restlung," said
the girl II want Il new one"
"Oh but can't give you Il new ono"
said the clerk reprovingly This one
has been used"
Yes" said the girl meelsly; SIT has
been used, and therein was my mis-
take. You sec, fancicd had bought
Il tennis racket and SO described 1t to
the recipient. He foolishly believed
me and used it. Had we both known
that your firm was charging So for pa
pirr macllc souvenirs fashioned after
the form Of a racket, why, he would
have put 1t upon his wall as 1; decora-
tion. Yes" she continued politely; II
admit we erred in using it," And she
smiled prettily.
Then she gave her address and
walked out. The next day the firm
sent new racket.-New York Times.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
supcr.tition That II. Ancient.

In many parts of Great Britain the
superstition still survives TINT 1t is fol
ly or madness to save Il drowning man,
as he will sooner OF later do an injury
to the rcscuer. The superstition comes
down from our ancestors, yet traces OF
1t exist among the Sioux and other In
dians, who seem to have inherited 1t
from aboriginal sources. The belief is
most prevalent In Cornwall and vari-
GUS parts of Scotland.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
I-niuue Venice

Venice is unique and always as long
as she exists will be unique. The city
is built OH III islands connected by be
tween $50 and 400 bridges. There are
streets, all very narrow except in the
neighborhood of st. Marks, but the
gondola is the universal means OF
transportation. When you leave the
station, you find the salt waves of the
Grand canal tapping against the mar
BILE steps and gondolas drawn up
against them like cabs and buses. III
you wish to keep all the Illusions you
have cherished about Venice, enter it at
sunset, at the full of the moon--on San
Marcos night il the calendar permits
and depart before daybrcak. Then you
will retain In your mind a picture Of
the Venice of song, story and tradition
the ideal Venice.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
Liuhtnins.s Amnity For Oak.

Electricity In the clouds, like It's com
panion lower down. loves to seek the
tricity. and 1t finds the most available
way to do SO. choosing always the best
conductor, conspicuous among which
are the much maligned lightning rod,
the high trees or the elevated stecpc. 1t
has its choice of trees as we'll as other
things and will leap over half an acre
of trees I" find an oak, for which it APP
pears to have IL special attraction. and
1t will pass high point to find u build
ing that has metal about it.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13

''Ha, ha"' laughed the white key.
"You are fenrfully sharp today"
Well y retortcd the accused one,
I'D rather be "A sharp than 'B fiat. :"
Good gracious" shrickcd the string,
keep still! I'm highly strung, and my
pedal eXtrcmities are affected. l know
i shall break In pieces"
So note" murmured the bass.
I'm cleft In twain" moaned the staff.
My trouble is trebled since young
hopeful began to play" said the book
for beginners
Its all right while he is only "a mi
nor.' but wait until he begins to be a
major"
And they all started to have good
"timc' with the metronome. = New
York Times.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
Voting Dcn,srali1es Women

The arrest of Il neatly dressed
widow of refim ment at Denver on
the charge "f repeating is not sur
prising. She had voted twice and
was casting her third ballot when
arrested. She admitted her guilt,
saying that her motive was to get
some extra money. In time the
woman voter will be as corrupt as
the man voter. and the only effect
of woman suffrage will be to dup
licate the masculine suffrage.
Women who's circle of life is
ruled by decent men will duplicate
the votes of these decent men and
women whose life is ruled by in
decent men will duplicate the
votes of indecent men. 1t will be
harder probably to get the best
women to the polls than it will be-
to get the worst 10 vote, and SO
society will get no benefit from
this enlargement of the suffrage,
but will rather suffer injury. On
the whole, the test of experience
in Colorado shows that woman
suffrage is politically inexpedient.
1t will do the men no good and
promises to do the women no
good, it is dangerously likely to
do them much harm. Practical
politics in Colorado has already
created class Of female lobbyists
and now We have the female re-
peater and vote seller. In the
long run whatever tends to mas
culinize woman tends to demor-
alize her.-Portland Oregonian.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
How n Great Surgeon Died.

While Bichnt, the famous surgeon.
was dying of typhoid fever he turned
to an old colleague who was sitting be-
side his bed and said to him:
My friend, am lost, but it is some
consolation to know that my case is
very curious During the last few
days l have noticed some odd symp-
toms. and I am studying them care
fully"
"Oh, you may recover yet" said the
friend.
THAT is impossible" replied Bichat.
"nnd IL 1t Were not for one thing
would be quite willing to die"
What is that!" asked the friend.
II am exceedingly sorry" answered
Bichat, that shall not have an op-
portunity to perform an autopsy on
myself after my death, for l know that
would make some wonderful scien-
titic discovery"
An hour Inter he was dead.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
Market Letter.

This market letter is furnished
by the Updike Commission Co.,
Omaha, Neb.
Wheat. Wheat has ruled lower
for the past week. The only bull
ish feature was the heavy exports
and the unusual demand for wheat
from Australia, though this was
overcome by the heavy receipts
causing the market to be weak.
The Worlds shipments were TO-
$4,000, being 772,OOO more than
last year and the amount on pas
sage was 32,76O,000 an increase of
2,450,O00 The visible increased
3,898,000, making total of &c..
O98,OOO.
Corn. There is no marked
change in the corn situation,
though it has been inclined to
hold stronger than wheat, prob
ably from the fact that the wealth
or has averaged better for wheat
than corn. The Worlds ship
ments were l,682,O0O, being 1885,
600 less than a year ago. The
amount on passage last week was
9,Ol4,000. The government re-
port issued on the 10th shows an
average yield Of 26.8 bushels per
acre and an acreage of 94,870,008,
showing a crop of 2,542,5l5,0Oo,
and a per cent of 80.7 which is un-
doubtedly too high. The visible
increased 100000, making total
visible Of 100000.
Oats. Oats have held stronger
than either wheat or corn owing
largely to the good demand from
oil points, especially New Eng
land, and we still are looking for
much higher prices. The visible
increased but ll7,OO0, making a
total visible of 7,648,O00
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
She Cornercd Him.

The city editor was troubled, not to
say angry.
"Hang it ALL" he exclaimed, as he
read the letter addressed to his depart
ment, my Wife has been asking me
that question for the last week, and
refused to be bothcrcd"- He looked at
the letter again and jumped out of his
chair. Thunder and guns" he cried,
cts her handwriting too! Now that
she has learned the trick she'll make
me settle every social, household and
historical question that comes up, and
III be right on hand to take the blame
If make mistake"
For long time he remained buried
in thought. Then he resigned.-B Brook
lyn Eagle.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-13
llmrcn That Swim.

have many times seen hares. sever
al of them ut n time cross IL stream to
reed on summer evenings and coolly
return i'll the same way back to the
woods, says writer In London News.
The act has been quite voluntary, but
one thing 1 have noticed-they invariu-
bly, sat up to see II they had time to
cross before any surprise came. For
instance. the movements OF n person
walking along footpath in the dis
tallce would be watched with some
anxiety before the plunge was made.
l have also seen snakes swim across
streams in the same way, apparently
to bask Oh the sunny side.