Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1902-10-01

He-I am told that your admirers
name is legion. She (blush!ngly)-Oh
no, his name is Jones.
She-"I am going to play Chopin"
He-"In what fat:" She-"Why. in
our own fat. of course"
Wigg-"Is he man of intelligence"
Wags-"I suppose so. At any rate. he
has never served on a jury"
Nell-"Love doesn't seem to agree
with Maude. She is thinner by twen-
ty pounds than she used to be-" Belle
-"She has loved and lost, eh?"
| Merchant-"I want this nd. where
everyone will see it." Solicltor-'We
charge higher rates for space on the
baseball page Baltimore World.
Have you any Marconi roses?"
asked the man entering the florists
What are they inquired the puz-
zlcd dealer in flowers. Wireless ones"
Customer lin restauranD-"Look
here, waiter, I've found button IN
this salad" Waiter-"That's all
right. sir; it's part of the dressingv'
--Tit-Bts.
Mugglns-I understand that friend oe
yours is Il millionaire. Is lie one of the
open-handed, extravagant kind? Dug
gins-Yes, indeed. Why, he even pays
his taxes.
I'D have you know that I've turned
away thousands" stormed the heavy
tragedian Naturally" sneered the
comedian; your acting would turn
away anybody
Dolly-"Your ride In the auto must
have been just lovely and exciting"
Madge-"It was exciting, but not love
| ly. Charlie had to use both hands to
work it."-Judge.
Prison Visitor-"What brought you
here, my MANI" Convict" IL
remember, but 1t wasn't an automo.
bile. cause they didn't have none in
them days. "-Philadelphia Press.
Did yew ever salt sheep!" asked
the farmer of the new hired man, who
came from Colorado. NO. replied the
new hired hand, but I've had consid-
| cradle experience in sailing mines"
What! you call me pretty? Why.
! am an old woman; my hair Is turning
white. and, look, here is Il wrinkle!''
"A wrinkle! No, madam, it is smile
that has drifted from its moorings!'
What is your nativity" asked the
magistrate. 81 amt got any, y'r hon
or" said the blear-eyed inebriate. feel
ing in his pockets; "the police took ey-
erythng had. Chicago Tribune.
Father-"I thought heard our John
ME say he was sick, and now see he's
himw Mother-"Yes. l brought in all
the evening coal."-Ohlo State Journal.
II suppose you set Il good table," re-
marked the man who was looking for
board. Well" replied the landlady.
three of my regular boarders are laid
up with the out.''-Chicago Daily
News.
I'm sorry you don't like the new
nurse" she said to her husband. "Shes
SO good about singing to baby and
keeping him quiet" YES" was the
calm reply; but I'd rather hear the
baby cry"
The little girl was watching her
mother and father discussing a plate
Of oysters the other night "AIam
ma" she said, after some t,odght,
you eat them face and ni's-son't you?"
-Bosteli 10 ,Ss1s"i.
Mrs. Youn 4bride-l'vc come to com.
plain of that Hour you sent me- Grocer
What was the matter wiern! Mrs.
fe.ungbrideT-It WAS tough. made y
pie With 1t, and 1t was as much us my
husbafies could do to cut it.-Philadel.
sphla Press.
Fl Weary While 81 jes. put In a good
days: work In thirty minutes" Prayed
Gag incl Explain yerself." Weary WIZ
lie. Well ! put in six pies. pan ~
doughhuts am, four jars NV preserye&:f
OATS good days work fer any woills.a.
an."-Judge.
The Suitor--I wish to marry your cid.
est daughter. sir Her Father-Oh, you
do. Ell: Are you in Il position 10 sup.
port 4 family? The Suitor--I think SO,
sir. Her Father-Well. you had better
be sure of it. There are ten of us all
told.-Chicago News.
What is the greatest fb that ever
impressed itself on your experience,
Snapper?" Well, by all odds, the worst
one l ever heard WAS that your quar-
tette perpetrated last night when they
cana round TO the house and sang.
"There's Music in the Aht."
why is it that scs&sw people seem
anxious to talk to Mr.. CSss;a.ton2 Iru-a
seems well informed That's 5St-.
the difficulty" answered Miss Dimple.
ton. Hes one of those dreadful men
who know enough to correct. your mis-.
takes when you quote tile classics, and
who doesn't know enough not to do it."
Schoolmaster turning round sharply,
Which of you is it that is daring to
make faces Mt me? SiN5youngstcrs lin
chorus)-Freddy Brown, sir! School.
master-Ah! Then you six boys stand
out and be caned. Ii you saw Freddy
Brown making faces. it shows that you
were not attending to your lessons
Fun.
81 am selling new cyclupedia,' be-
gan the well-dresscd' man who had been
ushered into the reception room on the
strength of his makeup; would you
care to look at ltY'' ..,Tain't no use"
replied Mrs. Neurich; I'D break my
neck if l ever attempted to ride one of
them fool things. y Chicago Daily
News.
Stereotyped Phrase.
Many of our stock expressions, like
rather late" do not mean anything if
one takes their meaning literally. ~
little dialogue from the Washington
Star is case in point.