The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1902-08-08
HOW THE KING
PARDONED
ROSIE O'GRADY
BY Melville Chatter
Copyright. 1902, by Melutlle Chatter

n R USIC is often only an ac-
NWEH quired taste; also music
4VW hath charms to soothe the
savage. In the case Of the
king, however, it reused the savage.
What he was king of doesn't concern
us here. 1t was immense, and it was
incorporated; it had officers who re-
ceived large salaries, employees who
received small salaries and stockhold-
ers who received nothing at all.
If you frequent lower Broadway dur
ing the midmorning hours, you may
| have seen the king hundred times as
he stalked downtown to nurse his roy
al sinecure. He is a thickset man of
| fifty, Immediately groomed from the
gloss of his hat to the gloss of his boots.
| He has close cropped, steel gray hair,
small, hard steel gray eyes and a
square, clean shaved face, so infieXi-
BILE in expression it might have been
forged from the same metal. His bear
ing and walk are infused with equal
rigidity, and his voice resembles the
clang of hammer upon a section Of
armor plate. He would make an i'm
posing figurehead for first class bat
tleship.
Every morning the king stalks south
ward, figure erect and eyes front. If
he doesn't know you, he doesn't see
you; if he does, you may or may not
receive a steely nod, according to his
royal mood You must bow and serape
in any case. He expects and receives
| it all the way down the street; then
the doorkeeper scrapes, the bootblack
scrapes, the elevator boy scrapes, and
the entire court rises up and makes
| profound obeisance. The day over, sa-
laams are repeated, and he stalks
northward to his great, handsome,
lonely bachelor apartments and spends
his evening-heaven knows how. Ger
tainly not at concerts. He hated mu-
sic of every kind save the harsh jangle
and roar of downtown traffic. He
might have replaced the pipe and bowl
of that other monarch by drink and
cigar. The fiddlers three he would
certainly have strangled.
Which brings me to a certain morn
ing when he stalked stiffly southwark,
with an ugly look in his eye and stran-
gulation in his thoughts, and he didn't
allow any one to divert his attention
from it either The doorkeeper, the
bootblack and the elevator boy bowed
and scraped in vain, and the entire
court rose up and salaamed to utter
vacancy. He aseended his throne,
pressed a button and stared his calen-
dar out of countenance until the i'm
perial stenographer arrived, when he
sank lower in his seat, thrust his fists
deep in his pockets, scowled ferocious.
ly at the toe of his boot and dictated
as follows:
Editor of the New York -:
Sir-While heartily applauding the COM
plants published in your columns from
time to time against petty nuisances re-
gret that the most abominable outrage
practiced upon New Workers has so far
escaped censure. 1 allude to the black
mailing practices of those Italian vaga-
bonds who until the necessary bribe is
extorte6 grind out their ear splitting dis
cords beneath their victims windows.
am not an invalid nor a crank-on the
contrary, normal and good tempered.
eye turned on her and moved not mus
cle.1 But. sir, could the inventor of the
piano organ be found today 1 should un-
hesitatingly say strangle him, and, as for
these mendicants and their equally crimi-
nal supporters, nothing short of slow tor
ture would do them justice. I was racked
all last evening by one of these hideous
instruments and the Reighborhood of my
office is positively haunted by certain
rascally Italian blackmailer who renders
work absolutely impossible by the repeti.
ton of maudlin ballads. I allude especial.
ly to the present epidemic Of
But here he was interrupted
Sweet Rosie O'Gra-a-ady,
My dear little Rose!
The blackmailer had arrived. A lord
in waiting rushed to the window. The
king grasped paperweight and stood
by. The imperial stenographer shud
i dered. The wizened little Italian be-
low melted into q joyous smile, poor
deluded wretch, and waved his hand
playfully.
She-e-es my steady la-a-ady,
Most every one
What most every one did was never
divulged. The blackmailer trundleG
: his organ off, still wearing the joyous
! smile. The lord in waiting was dis
! patched to the street with orders tC
; have him arrested if he continued
within earshot. The imperial stenog
: rapher resumed her pencil with trem
bling fingers, while his majesty, stalk
ing up and down, continued at white
l heat. He closed with this powerful
. peroration:
s Why are these gross violations of publ:C
5 order permitted by the authorities? Ger
0 tainly daily life contains enough unavoid
able nuisances without our fostering thi!
one, which is disturbance to all, pleas
ure to none and, l repeat, virtually petit!
blackmailing scheme Truly we are
long suffering people.
= A few hours later the king, who pos
& sessed considerable interests on the
. East river, boarded a car ard joltet
across town-that is, the other passen
9 gers jolted; he retained his adamantint
: rigidity. But fate decreed that horse
! should drop, sunstruck, across the
: track. A block ensued, and the roya
6 horse car was stalled quite a distanct
from the river. The king, who regarded
any obstruction to his imperial progress
asa personal affront, fretted and fumed
pulled out his watch and tried to MAKE
himself believe he was in a tremen
0 dous hurry, but apparently the horse
!; a dozen blocks away, was an anarch