Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1902-09-06
HERS WERE GENUINE

ooio ~ piSh up a bargain!
w men my wife fetches home load of
junk that ishe's ograbbed off the bargain
| counters I'm supposed to delay eating my
| dinner for half an hour or SO in order TO
go into raptures1 over her display of bar
gains as she spreads the stuff out before
| me. Every time she unwraps bundle I've
| got to exclaim Great! you're wonder!'
| or Dye mean to look me in the eye and
tell me that belt buckle only set you back
| AZ cents? or How the deuce you find these
places that give away things is too much
| for me- or something like that. I've got
| TO stand flrst on one leg and then the other
ana praise her purchases up to the skies.
When she holds up little framed picture
| that she's picked up at bargain counter
| and asks me, Now, what do you suppose
| paid for thls?' it's up to NE to say. In or
to tPat t her Oh about fes
when she Is able to exclaim. Only "A
| cents. and it was the very last one they
mad. and horrid woman tried to snatch 1t
| right out Of my hands, too!' always
name figure that know Is about forty
times too big when she asks me what l
think she's paid for her bargains. Tor L
know that this makes her feel good with
herself. l wouldn't run down the truck
she totes hoane from the bargain counters
for any mortal money, for know that she
| has to work like a hodcarrier or q piano.
mover In order to fight her way to and
from the bargain counters, and 1 wouldn't
take chance on seeing her become tear
| full owing to my knocking her bargains for
anything.
But. two-fer smokes. when 1 fetch home
bargain isn't 1t different!
II brought home a bargain last evening.
On my way from the Office got to rubber
Ing at window display OF haberdashery In
a department store and the thing that most
caught my eye was the neat sign over
stack of pale pink and baby blue under
wear.
as Fine American silk the sign read,
marked down from Sc to 81. 90 a suit
We'll. I could see that 1t was meshy,
lightweight underwear, and l knew that
1t was only designed for summer wear. L
year was pretty near at an end, but the
stuff looked like such a whopping bargain
that l said to myself that it I'D come in
mighty handy for next year.
- 1T looks to me like they re just giving
that stuff away said 1 to myself. and
here's my chance to make hit with my
Wlfe. III Just cop out half dozen suits
of that underwear and take it home and
have her put it in the cedar chest for next
year. and she'll hold up her hands In Won
derment over my having enough sense to
pick up real bargain, and she'll praise
me-. too. for being foxy enough to buy
stun of that sort almost for nothing at the
fag-end of the season.
so 1 went into the store and picked out
nalr dozen suits of the was $8-now
S1.9g underwear of nv size and had 'em
wrapped up. The underwear looked great
to me. When the clerk handed me an ex
change ticket l almost chuckled as 1 tuck
ed II INTO my pocket as mere matter of
form. for l didn't consider that there was
one chance in a billion that that under
wear would ever be exchanged. On my
way home in the car 1 felt joyous every
time felt Of the bundle in my lap, and 1
framed I'D mental picture Of the delight
on my wifes face when l opened up the
package and told her how much-how little
rather had paid for the underwear.
what have You got there?' she asked
she had gfeeted me in the hall
on. nothing, said l. grandly, except
the greatest bargain that ever happened
since the Dutchfbought Manhattan Island
from the Indians for cask of rum and
then l united the package and the pale
pink and Baby. blue underwear was re
vealed. ~ r1T.
burned II she didn't put her hands on
her hips and throw her head back and
laugh fit 70 kip for five minutes while |
Just stood there and regarded her amazedly
Whatchoo chessy eating about that
way for, L iikento Know L finally asked
It's SO funny she gasped. L can't help
1t Such colors-the pinkiest kind Of pink,
and the most infantile kind Of blue-for
groWn-up manr'a and then she went off into
another bunch OF wild laughs.
g m not more than hundred and four
cen years of age, told her and 1 don't
see ANYTHING so blooming funny about the
colors.'~ns TO
When she was to stand ND straight
from laughing she picked one of the suits
up and felt of it. T"a
What did you pay a suit for it?' she
asked me. f5'
dollar ninety-nine,' said I. and thew
just slaughtered the price from So
why. John E,mstreet.' she exclaimed,
looking me over soemnly. I saw the very
self-same kind of underwear in a win
dow only yesterday afternoon for dollar
twenty-four.'
"'Not on your life did you said 1.
Couldn't ha' been the same Must ha'
been an imitation. This is pure Ameri-
can silk"
American silkr she shrilled, feeling OF
the suit she had In her hand. Why It's
the cottoniest old stun I ever saw In my
life1 and then she went on to tell me that
there was no more silk about 1t than any
thing, and II she'd gone on in that strain
long enough she'd finally have made the
underwear out to be manufactured of
hemp.
And just washing'll shrink it so
that it'll look like-like dolls clothesv was
the next knock she had for my great bar
gain, and by this time had began to feel
that 1 might just as well have gone down
to the 18th street wharf and cIucked my
$11.94 into the Potomac
"'And. goodness gracious sakes alive,
those colors aren't fast-which really Is a
mercy. they funny-but they'll all
wash out smudge yellow the very first
time. was the next little hammerSmith
stunt she worked off at the expense of my
poor little old underwear purchase.
And these shirts not your size any,
way-theyre only forty-twos, and you wear
forty tours" was the next lathering she
gave my purchase
And, deary me- look how commonly
they're finished. or half-fnished-and as
I'm alive, some Of them are all full of
moth holes right now-and, look here, at
these show window stains on this suit!
was the way she came at me again.
"'Say. is dinner ready?' said l. In disgust
Give the stuff to Lily, the housemaid, to
give to her beau down the alley
That's how good she'd made me feel
over my colossal bargain.
"'Why I shall certainly do no such a
th,ngr said my wife. Give away nearly
So worth of underwear, even if it is funny
wouldn't that be crazy, now! I'll just
change 1t the very first thing in the morn
ing Did you get an exchange Slip?
IT YEARLY handed the exchange slip over
to her, and ate my dinner In gloom
"Of course" said one OF the listeners of
the man with the aggrieved expression.
"she exchanged the stuff for a genuine bar
gain?"
sure thing said the man with the I'M
appreciatfee spouse. 'She got two bath
mats three fu(l-jeweled hatpins, I forget