West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1902-04-03

stlmulative motto, to which the
Postmaster replied
"You are probably not aware that
the seductive pie is the mesmeric
stimulant which makes the boys get
out and hustle. Without it there
would be no hustling. With the
pie wagon few miles in advance
they realize the necessity of hustling.
They ask for no other epitaph when
they die to glorify and perpetuate
their memory than Here Lies the
Pie Eater = Other towns must wait
for men, time and money to bring
about realization of their dreams
Terra Alta keeps her force of real
izers always on duty and ready for
emergency. My followers are ener-
getic, enthusiastic, untrammeled-
with a unanimity of opinion among
my followers that evokes the praise
and wonder of the Committee and
compels them to withdraw all can
didates found roaming at large and
branded with my stamp of disap-
prevail" and the Postmaster arose
to greet delegation of his wor-
shippers, q use the word advisedly)
who had just entered. After a
hearty hand shake all around the
Postmaster said
"Permit me to introduce to you,
my fellow Portlanders, The Growler.
a man whom we have come to look
upon as necessary evil, who is
possessed of the foresight of Ma
poleon in foretelling a political and
factional battle, and the wisdom
of Solomon in directing you to
luck, to sidestep, to avoid the knock
out blow of the enemy. He has
come among us to-day &c learn from
our own lips our trials and tribula-
tons, our anticipations and expec-
tations in the Primary contest which
is now upon US. Sip the nectar of
his wisdom and return to the red
brush from whence you came and
look wonderfully wise Remember
you must follow me in the highest
spirit of liquority, of loyalty and
faithfulness ! l shall lead you not
only into the Promised Land. but
shall provide for each and every
one of you piece of pie !"
find my inability to portray the
effect of this short speech upon
Boss Glover's faithful followers.
There was no room for doubling
that they were a unit in swearing al
legiance to the Boss of Portland.
As they arose and advanced to
shake my hand l noticed many of
them were awe-stricken. Boss
Glover, in explanation, stated that
by many was looked upon as the
Evil One, hence his reference to me
as the necessary evil"
Among the delegation | observed
the to-be Hon. William Baldwin
Freeland, the man who routed horse,
foot and dragoon, Lakin and White
from the pasture field. of the House
of Delegates.
"Great surprise has been ex-
pressed at the withdrawal of Will r.
White as a candidate for the House
of Delegates" said to Boss Glov-
er, with a view to getting a perpet-
ual motion on the auburn NOUS
tache of the Boss.
ooh, yes Discretion with him
was the better part of valor," quick
ly replied the Boss. "In a contest
with Badly Freeland, Lakin and
White had no chance of success.
You see, Freeland is known as the
tarmer-teacher of Portland. He
has spent over a quarter of a cen
tury following the pillow and WELD
ing the rod. He has distinguished
himself as farmer and teacher.
He has in turn successfully subju-
gated the unruly scholar, extcrmin-
ated the potato bug. scientifically
treated the hollow-horn, wolf-in.
the-tail and the bolts. HE'S the only
farmer who has worked the puzzle
of The pigs are in the clover. He
will make a valuable member Of the
House of Delegates. He is a sure
winner"
"Will Badly be able to subjugst e
and exterminate DR.. Bryte2" 1
asked
"Only a question of majority, "
was the laconic reply.
AZ this juncture my candidate
companion arrived to pay his re-
sPects to Boss Glover. This gave
me the opportunity 20 bid the Boss
goodbye and take my departure.
found Portland district greatly
in need Of a harmonizer They
have bitter factional fight on
hand. Each faction contends that
they are not seeking glory and the
emoluments Of Office, but gouging
one another for the "good Of the