The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-11-16
MILLER
nY JAMzs wHlTcoMn RILEY.

l hair and box of lfly-white! I've buried not less than ten old chums this way, and here's another nominated for the tomb"
 But you've got no reason about you" began Bert-'T want to-
 And so do I want to D broke in John, finally-.I want to get some sleep.-So register and come to bed.-And lie up on edge too, when you do come-cause this old catafalque-o IA bed s just as nar- row as your views of single blessedness Peaeel Not another wordl Pile inl Pile in I'm three-parts sick anyhow and want restl' And very truly he spoke.
 It was a bright morning when the slothful John was aroused by a long, vociferous pounding on the door. He started up in bed to find himself alone the victim of his wrathful irony having evidently risen and fled away while his pitiless tormentor sIept-"Doubtless to at once accomplish that nefarious intent as set forth by his unblushing confession of last night" unused the miserable John. And he ground his fingers in the cor ners of his swollen eyes, and leered grim ly in the glass at the feverish orbs, blood shotten, blurred and aching
 The pounding on the door continued. l John looked at his watch; it was only 8 o'clock.
 'Hi. therel" he called viciously. what do you mean. anyhow?" he went on. elevating his voice again; shaking a man out of bed when he's just dropping into his first sleep?"
 ''I mean that you're going to get up; that's whatl replied firm female voice. l Its o'clock and I want to put your room in order; and I'm not going to wait all day about it, etherl Get up and go down to your breakfast and let me i have the room!' And the clamor at the door was industriously renewed. | la6 Ta1ar ogs1t1o CI rying on his clothes "Sayl you!''
 "Theres no say about t.r' responded the determined voice: 'Ive heard about you and your ways around this house, and I'm not going to put up with itl You'll not lie in bed till high noon when I've got to keep your room in proper or- derp'
 "Oh hoF bawled John. intelligently: reckon you're the new invasion here? Doubtless you're the girl that's been hanging up the new window blinds that won't roll and disguising the pillows with clean slips, and 'hennin' round among my books and papers on the table here and ageing me generally till I don't l know my own handwriting by the time find itl Oh. yes you're going to revo- lutionize things here; you're going to in- | troduce promptness and system and or der. See you've even filled the wash pitcher and tucked two starched towels through the handle. Haven't got any l tin towels have you? I rather like this new soap, tool So solid and durable, you l know; warranted not to raise lather. Might as well wash ones hands with door-knobY And as Johns voice grum- 1 bled away into the sullen silence again, i the determined voice without responded: "Oh, you can growl away to your hearts content, Mir Mckinney, but I want you to distinctly understand that I'm not go ffaer fa II, nf n1 bachelor, sluggardly, slovenly ways, and whims and notions. And I want you to un- 1 derstand, too, that I'm not hired help in this house. nor a chambermaid nor any 1 thing of the kind. I'm the landlady here; and I'll give you just ten minutes more to get down to your breakfast, or you'll not get any-that's all" And as the re- versed cuff John was in the act of but7 1 toning slid from his wrist and rolled un- der the dresser, he heard stiff rustling of starched muslin founcing past the door, and the quick italicized batter of determined gaiters down the hall.
 Look here" said John to the bright l faced boy in the hotel office half hour later. "It seems the house here's been changing hands again."
 "Yes, sir,' said the boy, closing the l cigar case. and handing him lighted match. well, the new landlord, whoever he is," continued John, patronizingly. lis a good one. Leastwise, he knows what's good to eat, and how to serve It."
 The boy laughed timidly,-'It aint O Iandlord,' though-it's a landlady; it's my mother"
 "Ah," said John, dallying with the change the boy had pushed toward him. Your mother, eh?' And where's your father?"
 He's dead, "said the boy. And what's this for?' abruptly asked .l.,lx. I, lie alaa aora
 That's your change" said the boy: ''You got three for a quarter, and gave me a half"
 ''WeIl, you just keep it." said John, sliding back the change. 'Tt's for good luck, you know my boy. Same as drink ing your long life and prosperity. And, l Oh yes, by the way. you may tell your mother I'll have friend to dinner with me today"
 .sYes, sir, and thank you, sir," said the 1 beaming boy.
 Handsome boyr' unused John, as he walked down the street. Takes that from his father, though, I'll wager my 1 existencer'
 upon his office desk John found hast ily written not It was addressed in the well known hand of his old chum. He eyed the missive apprehensively, and there was a positive pathos In his voice as he said aloud, Its our divorce l feel | itr' The not, headed, At OHlce' III 1 Morning" ran like this:
 Dear Mack-I left you slumbering so soundly that by noon, when you waken, hope, in your refreshed state, you will look more tolerantly on my intentions as partially confided to you this night will not see you here again to say good bye. I wanted to, but was afraid to rouse the sleeping Hon. will not close my eyes tonight-fact is I haven't time Our serenade at Josie's was pre-ar- ranged signal by which she is to be ready and at the station for the morn ing train You may remember the light ing of three consecutive matches at her window before the lighting of her lamp. That meant, Thrice dearest one, I'll meet thee at the depot at 4:30 sharp So, my dear Mack, this is to inform you that, even as you read Josie and I have eloped It is all the old mans fault, yet I forgive him. Hope he'll return the fa- yor. Josie predicts he will, inside of a week-or two weeks anyhow. Goodbye, Mack. old boy; and let fellow down as easy as you can. Affectionately,
 EBERT"
 'TIeavensy exclaimed John, stifing the note in his hand and stalking tragically around the room Gan it be possible that I have nursed a frozen viper? An ingrate? A wolf in sheep's clothing? An ang-outange in gents furnishings?"
 was you callin' me, sir?" asked a | ,,oioa at tha door IT was the ianitor