Omaha daily bee., 1902-12-01

and his fault in this respect reminds me
OF Senator Jones' dog story he went on.
"A fellow out in Nevada, you know, had
a dog-a bulldog, a herce-looking brute
which his owner said was the greatest
nghter in the state. One day a settler
passed. through the town. Under his prairie
wagon trotted a NANCY cur. h bulldog
saw him and started to eat him I'D. When
the fight was over the cur was not much
the worse for 1t, but the bulldog was a
wreck.
though your dog was a great fighter,
senator JonesF said the owner of the cur.
WE'LL was the reply, he's a great
fighter, but he's a poor Judge Of Dogs"
A Chicago liar tried to Guido Colonel
Ochiltree one day. He said he had just re-
turned from the Carlsbad Springs, where he
had experienced a miraculous cure.
o don't say? ?" said the colonel.
Yes, indeed" rambled on the Chicago
liar. You see, I was suffering from liver
complaint and after consulting the greatest
physicians in America l decided to 20 TO
Carlsbad"
"Humph! I never supposed you took any
stock in water" said Ochiltree, scornfully.
Neither l do, when It is plain. But 1
carried a flask Of fine old Bourbon in my in
side pocket and when / reached the famous
springs I kinder diluted the water so as TO
disguise Its taste, and, will you believe me,
the following morning l was entirely cured
and when I woke up 1 found myself the
possesor Of a brand new liver"
BAH" that's nothing" Colonel TON"
calculated. III you'll believe me-"
Sure" yelled half a dozen listeners.
"If you'll believe me-" continued the
Texan, unperturbed. 81 had a liver COM
plant the worst way and was a perfect
martyr before l went to Texas to try to get
cured.
while there I met a man who had a new
brand of pills known as the American Liver
and Light Cure. Being a firm believer in
American remedies, I purchased a single
pill, took II, and almost instantly possessed
a tin liver with electric light kidneys.
Home industries! gentlemen, home indus
tries" but they led him away to the
cafe.
Colonel ochiltree had many friends in
both houses of congress and frequently
spent weeks in Washington when congress
was in session. One night he was sitting In
a hotel talking with several friends, includ-
ing Senator Hearst OF California. Senator
Hearst told a pathetic story of his overland
trip to California In the days long before
the war. He said he and his companions
suffered many hardships, lacked food and
frequently were In distress from lack of
water.
One day when Mr.. Hearst was feeling
that he would die unless he had a drink, he,
with his party, passed along a trail near a
ranch house. A young red haired boy ran
up to them with a tin pail of water. He
handed 1t to Mr.. Hearst. 1.-THE water was
cold and fresh" said Mr.. Hearst, in telling
the story, land l never had q draught that
did me SO much good and for which l was
so grateful. Many and many a time have /
thought OF that red haired boy and wished
I could see him in order to tell him how
grateful / was and reward him. I'd give
$40, 900 IL / could see him now" the senator
added earnestly.
Colonel Ochiltree arose and bowed.
Senator" he said, you have a chance to
realize your dream and to show your gratl-
tude. 1 was that red haired boy"