The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1902-07-26
SPOKEN IN JEST.

Cleveland Plain Dealer: AS the auto
mobile turned the sharp curve it flew the
highway, struck the fence and flung the
two passengers into the meadow beyond
They both sat up at the same moment
and blinked at each other.
m awfully glad you're not hurt" he
I'm awfully glad didn't wear my best
frock," she said.
Chicago News: When Coils P Hunt
lngton was married for the second time
Henry Ward Beecher performed the
marriage ceremony. Huntingtons first
wife had been dead less than one year,
and he desired the second marriage to
rope. He gave Mr.. Beecher a marriage
fee of $500. When Huntington re-
turned, some months later, he went
through q public ceremony, and Beecher
other fee of $500. The great preacher
had his humor aroused by this second fee
Turning to Huntington he said: "Collis,
l do wish you were a Mormon"
Chicago News: A well known judge on
a Virginia circuit was recently reminded
very forcibly of his approaching bald
ness by one of his rural acquaintance
ledge" drawled the farmer. ii won't
string around yer head to tell how fer up
to wash yer face.
Brooklyn Eagle: "Of course" he said,
sit is more than courteous to be obliging
in all associations with the fair SEX
'.Of course"
so far as possible you should do what
a girl wants you to do
Certainly.
IF she seems anxious to do little
spooning you should spoon"
Naturally"
IF she likes flattery, you should flat
ON moderation ves''
"If she wants sentiment you should give
it to her
That's Just common politeness, isn't
YES"
Well, no one can tell me again that
politeness pays. know better
What's the natter"
"Oh, perhaps my chivalrous nature led
me to overdo the thing, but I've just been
sued for breach of promise"
George" demanded Mrs. Ferguson,
with flashing eyes, according to the Chi
cago Tribune, ''am I the mistress of this
You certainly are, replied Mr. Fer
guson, with alacrity. What's the mat
ter now?''
ave discharged that impudent hired
girl, and she refuses to leave. I want
you to go to the kitchen and bundle her
out, neck and cropp'
Settle it between yourselves, Laura,
said Mr. Ferguson, weakly. Il won't have
anything to do with it. I'm only the
master of the house.
9 @ 8
Philadelphia Times: DR.. T. Killings
worth Andrews, former police surgeon is
credited with telling of newly welded
pair whose honeymoon trip took them
across the Atlantic The bride had been
something of a yachtwoman, and was not
affected by the swell, but her mate was q
bad sailor, and took to ten rail late on
the first day out She took her appetite
to the dinner table, leaving him pale and
was still uncertain. with little interest in
anything except the problem: why did I
ever propose trip by sea?'' She did what
she could to comfort himi but he was diff
ficult. She thought touch of the ro-
mantle might get him out of his mood, so
she tried this:
"The moon is up--isnt it, darling?"
Yes he said, languidly-"that Is, if
l swallowed it"
Brooklyn Life: Down in the Black Belt
Billy Bunch, a white headed old darby
had been appointed bailiff. The magis-
trate proceeded to administer the oath:
DO you solemnly swear to support the
constitution of the"
Hol on, BOSS interrupted old Billy,
II can't TEX dat oaf, cause as how hits
all old Billy kin do now ter sport Betsy
an de chillun."
The death recently of Father Glare, S.