The Washington times. (Washington [D.C.]) 1901-1902, 1902-04-26
Senator Carmack Attacks
Civil Government
Measure.
OPPOSES PRESENT POLICY
Criticises Purposes of This County in
the Archipelago, Quotes Statements
Made by the President, and Lampoons
Gehs,al Funston.

Senator Carmack paid a satirical tribut
to General Funston in the Senate yester
day that gave the galleries one Of tn
treats of the session and won the IN
bounded favor OF his Democratic col
leagues.
He characterized the captor of Aguin
aldo as a make believe military hero, 9TH.
most valiant champion that ever mar
shaled a dictionary in battle array, ant
licensed swaggerer and braggart,
compared him TO Snug beneath the
lions skin in "A Midsummer Nights
Dream" and poked fun at him in dozer
ways that made his hearers laugh and
the gavel of the Chair rap over and over
again.
Attacks the President.
Mr.. Carmaek only half completed his
speech. but in addition to his humorous
sketch on licensed military heroes" he
also made virulent attack on President
Roosevelt and another on the government
OF the Philippines.
He characterized the latter as a swarm
of needy and hungry Adventures, a pack
of lean carpetbaggers, smelling the blood
of another victim like in the South i'm
mediately after the civil war.
He read a number of extracts from an
address Of Mr.. Roosevelt. delivered two
years ago. on The Strenuous Life" a
1orerunner OF the recently published book
In which he spoke in bitter and most
uncomplimentary terms Of the Filipinos.
such utterances as these, Mr.. Carmack
said. were more the cause of the war
in the Philippines than anything that the
Democrats have said.
Irsolence of Heroes.
In beginning his criticism on General
Funston, Mr.. Carmack said:
Il want to say right here that | have
become a trife weary with the licentious
insolence Of some Of these heroes. The
idea seems to have gone abroad that the
swiftest and surest way to the favor of
the powers that be is to indulge in de-
nunciation against the political opponents
of this Administration"
After referring to the speeches of Gen.
erai Funston against the Democrats, he
said:
"A new war whoop struck our ear and
there rushed on to our side that gallant
and glorious chieftain. that jay hawker
renowned and immortal Funston. He is
the most valiant captain that ever mar
shaled dictionary to battle array-the
mightiest Samson that ever welded the
5awbone of an ass as weapon Of war.
Violated Rules of War.
Funston achieved his title of hero by
violation of the rules of honorable war
fare, by an act for which Aguinaldo would
have been hanged in ten minutes If he
But. sir, 1T is vain to 20 behind d
hero's title. Funston is a hero, officially
acknowledged and proclaimed. and with
all the rights, privileges. and immunities
that go with the title. There have been
heroes, sir, who were modest and unas-
Stunning. There have been heroes who
were something more than licensed swag
gerers and braggarts.
But Funston is not all this. AS hero
it is his business to heroize. What is the
use of being hero If you cannot jar the
shore and firm-set earth with your tread
and shake the everlasting hills with your
frequent vociferations? What is a hero
for except to awe the world with his
naughty and majestic strut?
Funston is the lion of the Philippines.
and because il is the nature of lion 20
do that way, he shakes his tawny name
and swings his tufted tail ten feet in the
air while his awful roar goes forth upon
the trembling and frightened breeze.
A Stage Lion.
s'Mr. President, We have read Of lion
that once performed a part in the play of
Pyramus and Tbesbe. He was stage
play lion, just like this fellow. ILaughter.l
He knew as well as Funston that there
is not more terrible wild animal than
lion living. He knew that lion, among
ladies. was a most dreadful thing. But
he was tender and considerable lion.
and lest his very presence might strike
terror TO the hearts Of all beholders he
prepared and recited prologue in which
he frankly assured the audience that he
was not lion truly. He was simply Snug,
the Joiner.
Vow. Mr. President. / will take it upon
myself to recite the prologue OF this per-
Torrance, and to tell the audience that
this is not a real lion. II is nobody but
Funston. [Laughter.l The performance OF
this doughty warrior illustrates the dam
eer of a small man becoming a hero too
suddenly. There is always danger Of his
overacting the part. and that is what
Funston is doing seven days in every
week. In his efforts TO bestride the
world like Colossus he has put strain
upon his military trousers with results
too shocking fS. me TO contemplate or
language to mention.
ILaughter.l
Continent Must Be His.
.sAs soon as Funston has achieved his
litle of hero his ambition swelled beyond
the measure OF his environment. No pent
I'D archipelago can contract his powers.
The whole boundless continent must be
his.
$50 having quelled the instruction in
,he- Philippines, he comes with one stride
4 cross the shuddering deep in order TO
deal with the insurgents at home. For
his purpose he has laid aside his bane- |
full. bloody sword, and arms himself with
i hapgman's moose to WELD in judgment |
and at length to wear.
"His plan OF campaign is simplicity it |
elf He proposes simply 10 hang all the |
raitors, all who oppose the policy of this |
Yet there are men in |
his list of doomed criminals, who show
d their devotion TO their country when |
funston WAS meawling and puking in his |
lurse's arms, men whose white hairs are |
crown OF glory, mon whose lives are |
Without stain OF dishonor, men who |
tand SO high above this hangman briga-
Ter that il is almost an insult to de-
cncy TO mention their names and his on
he same day Of the week.
The Gallows Robbed.
There are some disappointments in
tore for our hero. Age and care, and the
urden Of this noble task have robbed the
allows OF some Of its most iliustrious