The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1902-01-10
Moss Backs Reflections q 10 Rural
Statesman, Astiquated Dictionary and
Log Roller q Congressmen.

NuOe8 OoSA . NvssSSssvSs - - NSse
Statesman, Antiquated Dictionary aad
Log Roller q Consressmen.
SIT-WAy-BAcK-TowS I
UP-BIrTER CREEK,
Mr.. Editeur:-Have you ever
been to congress, Mr.. Editeur? If
not, Why not? l have been there
several times, in my imagination,
and | am here to tell you that it is
great institution-on pay day.
l tell you it was sight for the gal
cry gods TO see me and my friend,
the Rural Statesman, who were ia
congress at the same time, draw our
monthly salaries. II did us good
and il does US good yet. The sal.
ary is the main thing about con
gress. And it will grow, for did
you, my friend, not recently notice
that congress is going to raise the
salaries Of its members to ten thous-
and a year, instead of the miserable
paltry sum of FIVE, which and the
aforesaid Rural Statesman received
in our time? Oh, how that will
swell the heroic bosom Of our pres
ent congressman, whom we will
designate by the euphonious name o.
"ANTIQUATED DICTIONARY
When Anticipated Dictionary
went to congress the first time e
represent the third district of Indi
ana, he had his trousers stuffed
with good resolutions and his brain
!. filled with great designs. III
marched up the grand steps Of th'
Capitol, at the capital OF the United
States, by the name of Washington
his heal swelling with the prout
: consciousness that he and his peo
pie owned the Capitol and the YER.
: ground it stood upon. When b
presented his credentials to head
quarters he did it with an air OF con
J descension to the fgureheads, VIII
would soon discover to their cos
!, who Anticipated Dictionary reall.
9 was.
: Mr.. Editeur, did you ever shak
Q hands with Anticipated Dictionary
!; ;Well, if you did not, you don
7 know what you have missed. Whe
Tho sees you, or thinks he sees
! vote in you, he will approach yo
'-llike q cat will q mouse, then whe
6 he gets nigh unto you he will poune
2 on you like q hawk will q mouse
q and then when he gets to you b
Q will grasp you like red-moustache
fox-terrier will q mouse, and he wi
Q shake you up, and be will shake yo
. down, and what he will do 10 20
. will be plenty.
8 Did you ever hear him speal
: Mr.. Editor? then you have earne
the kingdom of heaven. Old Ant
quated Dictionary has learned b
heart Webster's dictionary, WO1
cester's dictionary, Johnson's di'
tionary and a greater part OF the El
cyclopedia Brittanicl, and when t
starts to speak he won'tquit until t
has recited all he has learned b
heart from all the great dictionarie
and everything else he ever learne
Ior ever read or ever heard OF. h
has been known to make a speec
at the Kindergarten school at 81
way back town for thirty-six hou1
lon stretch, until his audien'
9 dropped dead, was dragged out, ar
was buried beneath the sweet-pot
Ito vines.
As l have said before, the fl
,fItime that Antiquated Dictiona
!. went to attend q session Of congre
!. lhe marched up the grand steps
!. the Capitol with a swelling boso
! and swelied head and that is I
,,,,lthat it has ever amounted to. +
,f|three terms has Anticipated Di
tionary limited his congression
work to marching up TO the Capite
"and like the historical French XII
marching down again. Betwe'
"a times he has taken exercise in ia
Sling his meals, drawing his salar
"a and in seeing after pensions for
nt kinds Of soldiers, and would-be q
Z diers, and home-guards, who hr
70 themselve drawing salaries duri'
k,,lthe late unpleasantry with I
% Spaniards.
" Ny friend, the Rural Statesma
81 was an expert on distributing see
4 Ito his constituents, and was 80 81
o. cessful 10 performing his duties
as congressional scotsman that