The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-09-20
The JanitOr Art Critic.

[John H. Rafferty, in Chicago Record
Herald.1
Ambrose Kelly was his name, and,
while his titular dignity did not extend
beyond the ianitorship of the Art Mu-
scum, he dominated the place for SO
many years that no student or regular
visitor could disassociate him from the
best and the quaintest memories OF the
institution.
Ambrose, being an Irishman, proud Of
his nationality and endowed with many
of the racial proclivities in a marked
degree, was very jealous Of his dignity
and reputation. Furthermore, though
naturally inclined to be garrulous. he
was restrained by an overweening eau
ton and an almost violent aversion to
ridicule. Woe betide the student who
made bold to guy him, for to such an
adversary he was unsparing, stealthy,
relentless and always triumphant in the
end.
1t was regarded as quite distinction
among the students to be able to en-
gage him in conversation, but the young
man who laughed in his face, ques-
toned either his veracity or his ac-
curacy. or failed In any way to pay all
defernce to his utterances, was marked
forever for the most ingenious persecu-
ton, the most unexpected and generally
unaccountable losses, and. above all.
the perpetual and silent contempt of
this extraordinary janitor. In addition
to his other strange qualities. Ambrose
was the most monumental, the most
positive and the most self-possessed liar
I ever heard. But in exchange for his
most unquestioning credulity. Being.
apparently, particular favorite with
him, I learned that he had been a
sailor, and so, one day as he stood be-
hind me criticising little marine study
of mine. I asked:
phin?"
"a dolphin" he repeated, with depre-
eating contempt: Then. after pause,
"Dolphins, is 1t? Sure. I've saw mil
lions av 'em, boy. Millions and millions
av EN-
What was the biggest one you ever
saw, Mr.. Kelly?" I continued. with
calm and respectful tones as I con-
tinued my drawing.
Big? Oh, twas big enough. I didn't
say iver saw big dolphin This
with evident suspicion that I was laying
oh. no. You didn't say anything
about the size, Mr.. Kelly" 1 answered.
Il Just wanted to get an idea as to
how large a dolphin is
This seemed to reassure him. and he
said, hesitatingly, but with absolute and
unquestionable assurance:
We'll, lave me see now-the biggest
wan? The biggest wan? Oh, 'twasn't a
big wan-say. 'twas-well. twas as big
as Brooklyn bridge?"
Now the utter monstrosity Of this ex-
aggeration Is calculated to make any
sane man laugh, and had a hard time
to keep my face straight but Ambrose
delivered it with every evidence OF good
faith and would have hated me forever
If SO much as questioned the exact ac-
curacy of his statement. He had no
sense of proportion at all. of course. or
he would never have said that his dol
phin was as big as Brooklyn bridge,
but we had to take his word for every
thing or abide some awful consequent
ces.
One time asked him II he had seen
many whales. He averred that he had
killed about 1000 Gin his time" and.
being in rather laxative mood. he
continued:
IT landed on wan wanst. an spint
foor days wandhrin' about"
why didn't you get of ?''
Il thought twas an island was on