Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-03-20
Tales of the Town.


readers on the installment plan. l
will have to relate one about my
friend Roethe of the Fennimore Times.
Roethe has worried so much over pol
tics and religion of late that he has
not only LOST his appetite but also a
number of pounds of avoirdupois and
is nothing much at this writing but a
real, live skeleton. A skeleton like
this is not found every day, especi-
ally one that can walk, talk and play
cards, but my friend Roethe can do
all of these things. He is a genial,
iovial, ~good-natured skeleton. Child
rem occasionally become frightened at
him but he never cares for that. The
other day he was down at Milwaukee
and put up at a hotel for the night.
The hotel was a nice place, but of late
every boarder had deserted it on &C
count of bed bugs. The landlord
welcomed my friend Roethe as he had
not been blessed with a guest for a
week. Roethe retired early and soon
as the lights went out the hungry
bugs pounced upon him but the Fen
nimore editor lever moved. He slept
late the next morning, and the land
lord, knowing about the ravishing
bugs, feared that they might have
eaten up his guest, went to call him,
and, pushing open the door, a CHASTITY
sight met his eyes, 1t was the sight
of death, for there, cold, stiff and 81
lent, stretched out upon the floor
were the remains of a bushel of choice
bed bugs. but Roethe was unframed.
Opening his eyes and running his
skeleton fingers through his hair, the
Fennimore editor arose and beheld
the landlord standing in solemn med
itation with both eyes fastened on the
silent, still forms on the floor and did
not move until the guest said, ''Good
morning, sir" Then the landlord
looked up and addressed his guest.
He then left the room and going down
on the street, told everybody that his
house was free from bugs, that a
skeleton man from Fennimore had
slept in his house and actually didn't
have blood enough in him to keep a
bedbug alive. When Roethe went to
pay his bill, the man refused his mon
ey and said he would never charge a
man for lodging who could starve a
bushel of bed bugs to death in one
night. The news spread about the
city and a string of hotel men as long
as the moral law called upon my
friend and offered him a large salary
for a weeks engagement at their re-
spective hotels. But Henry refused
the prefer as he had too many inter
ests at home to attend to.
I never did 60 much. on hypocrisy,
but | have been and shall Always be
an ardent admirer of the true Chris
tian man or woman. The true Chris
1tian does not consist of the man or
woman who makes a business of back
a neighbor or pulling aside
their holy robes to keep them from
touching some benighued sinner who
may have fallen by the way. / ad-
imire the Christian who will lift the
fallen or at least make an effort to do
so, rather than to give him a down
ward kick. The Christian is the
greatest factor in civilization, but the
hypocrite who wears a holy robe to
disguise his real being is" mean
enough to cruelty the Savior and play
seven-up at the foot of the cross for
his robes.
A wall-eyed, wiggletail who poses
as a lawyer and critic struck a know
ING attitude yesterday and began to
criticise me on my grammar. He said
/ was a slang-monger and did not
use good taste in my beautiful bits Of
doggerel which I deal out to the pub
lie in choice done-up prize packages
att bits per prize. just why q legal
hedgehog should attempt to criticise
nv grammar [ am unable to say. |
have never molested his grammar and
the one | use is all my own; made it
with my own little pencil for my W
special benefit and it just suits me-
I might set up a two-howl and claim
that Noah Webster was short on slang
and didn't know the meaning CT ''tu-
tamarusie" from a pruning hook. l
might claim that the tadpole dealer
in unsound legal opinions didn't know
Blackstone from Forthcamp Avenue
or Bobbie Burns from a beetle bug,
but my mere assertion would not be
sufficient evidence to convince the
public that the fellow was really lg-
norant. Mere assertion proves and
establishes nothing. Mere assertion
draws nigh until mere brutishness