Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1902-09-10
at them clouds as fast al he could

| AoAA ACA vi LAS SIdpcS.
! "'Not enough to do any harm
though says ST. BY the Great Bob
Tailed straddlebug,' says he-Si prid
ed himself on his command of new
cuss words, whether diagonal
straight or kitty-cornered-'that's 9
grand invention, that cloud buster Of
mine. i'll write letter to the Buck
aloo County Whooperloo,' no says
in praise of the United States agger
cultural department., right now. And
while I'm dom it, he says, IN watch
out for more storms, for that one
come up mighty quick
"Over on his hilltop Uncle Jabez
Boneset was mighty disguised be.
cause the rainstorm he'd conjured up
never reached the hum plate. Natur-
ally, he heard Sis battery operatin',
but he didn't figure on tibet amount
in to anything.
Tibet old perrynoyack," says he,
usin' 81 word which he'd just dug out
of medical work, he's probably out
shootin' mosquitoes instead of poi
sonin' 'em to death with kay-rosene,
which is the progressive way. I'm
sorry for him. he says. Tomorrow
I'll git up a rainstorm that'll discour-
age his shootin' and save him pow
DER
$50 next day he loaded up and per-
duced an able-bodied cloud which ST
Beetle on his hill immejitly perfor-
ated. Uncle Jabez tried another. ST
made /; bull's-eye.
"Uncle Jabez banged out two
storms, northwest and southwest.
81 did a double-barrelled Tick and
both of 'em died inside the bound
aries.
by this time the Boneset blood
was up and the Boneset suspicious
was reused. Uncle Jabez collected
all his ambition, started half d doz-
en- storms in their career of de-
struction and finally landed one of
EN- over the valley, while ST was
doin' target practice on the rest.
Thus it happened that Jabez's
sphere of inflooence and Sis range
of action overlapped and their
weather guns crossed each others
paths.
Nov, you can monkey with ma
ture just so far and then she breaks
loose and rips things, and what hap
pened this time was that the high
pressure and low pressure got IA
tally mixed, and one able-bodied cy-
clone started down Sis hill and met
another able-bodied cyclone from
Jabez's elevation.
"Bein' unable to remain behind 81
went along with his cyclone and ia
bez accompanied his. Talk about
pergessiveness! AS I said before
both of the old men was progressive.
but they never progressed tibet fas
before or since.
First thing either of 'em kne
they was butin' heads like two old
rams in the bottom of the valley.
Then says Jabez Boneset to 81
Beetle:
"'Did you shoot up my Storm
"'Was tibet your storm?' says 81.
1t certainly was,' says Jabez. 4
brung it to help my melons, he
says. It's a twentieth century no.
ton that you'll learn if you live ten
year more, maybe
"'An' you never took thought of
my grapes says 81.
"'An old fogy like you got no
business raisin' grapes says my
Uncle Jabez, unless he knows how
to perfect 'em.'
&C guess can look after q grape
or two,' says 81, as long as I got
my storm-bustin' mortars. It's
scientific novelty he says, that you
an Put-tolemmy an the rest of the
mummies amt onto yet
"'Then you done it, says Jabez,
very savage.
"I die, thet,' says ST. quite indie
pendent.
"I'n hand you corkscrew
punch says Jabez.
"'And I'll lam your solo Pegasus
till you couldn't tell it from q last
years tometter cam says ST.
"'With that they went at it. The
first pair of cyclones was bad
enough, but they was summer
zephyrs compared with the article
that the combined fghtin' powers
of my Uncle Jabez Boneset and old
ST Beetle turned out.
"After half an hour of it Jabez
was lynn with his feet in the creek
and 81 was Topped up against a tree.
"'Si,' says Jabez, are you licked?
"I Dunno says 81. Are you?'
"'No,' says Jabez; but I'd hate to
be any nearer than I am
$50 would T. says 81. Have YOU
got any good new, warranted paw.
tent liniments that you could recon-
mend?'
"'1've got 'em, plenty of EN- saws
Jabez, but I couldn't recommend
'em. What pine for is some good.
old-fashioned arnicky.'
"'And nip of last century's
whisky says ST.
fright you are says Jabez. old
things is best, as the pome has it.
This mad race for supremacy is
gettin' too fast for me- he saws
Right here and now I climb down
off the automobeel an live the life
of a self-respectin' an moss-covered
gravestone from now on he says
"'Same here says 81, and thew
shook hands on it amid the ruins of
their conflicting storms. :,
"And from that day on" con-
cluded Farmer Ezra Baler, earnest
ly, "there hasn't been a more quiet.
peaceful, old fogy, non progressive
locality in the world than tibet part
of Buckaloo county where my Uncle
Jabez Boneset and old 81 Beetle