The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1902-10-28
MR.. DOOLEY
ON EDUCATION
BY F. P.

Russell.)
Its a tur-rble thing to be tn prist-
dint iv a college," said Mr. Dooley. "Ee
have to be so intelligent"
Who's in throuble now" asked Mr..
Hennessy.
NJ frind, tn prisidint " Harvard
said Mr.. Dooley. Hes very sad 1
thought tn wurruld was goin' on splin-
didly. Firm day TO day tn weather
has been pretty good. barrin occasion
al rain. Tn coal sthrike is over an
we'll all have plinty iv coal this win
| ter IL tn Waterman don't look out. tn
| people ar-round me ARE pretty good
| folks whin they don't srowd. They're
as happy as they desarSe TO be an as
| good to each other as the ought TO be
1 amt discontinued with tn wurruld
an / amt sad an 1 think ivrything
will come out all right in tn end or
nearly right or wrong or some way.
But not SO with me frind tn prisidint
iv Harvard. Where you and me. Him.
| Missy, with our little six-an'-three-
| Fights intelligence sees nawthin' but
good enough. tn prisidint iv Harvard
beholds a blue an mournful situation.
TIL wurruld is on tn blink Things
amt comm out right. We're all goin'
TO tn divvle an no wan to hinder. It's
a bad. wicked, card-playin', novel-read-
in, booze-consumin', w~ife-batin', laugh
in, odyous wurruld. An what tn raj
son FIR it? Iddycation. Iddycation, be
hivens. TIL common schools has put
~ivrything to tn bad.
Il was lookin' at his speech tn other
day an it made me feel as diseased as
if I'd been readin' a book iv family
medicine. i am Obliged he says, to
inform ye,' he says, hat tn good we
EXPECTED firm poplar iddycation hasn't
come off, he says, Il will proceed he
says, to tn unwelcome but agreeab e
task iv tellin' we about it, he says.
I'm tn first place, FIR more thin two
carnations We have been sthrugglin'
with tn barb'rous if jolly vice iv dhrun-
kenness, which nobody can deny. which
nobody can deny. l expected all along
that a knowledge ov joggerphy an COM
pound numbers wud friver rid tn wur-
ruld iv this curse that has come upon
us lately an that was unknown in tn
Plymouth g%in'ration. (Laughter.) But
not at all. TIL fact that a man a
bound Zambesi an dig up tn square
root Nv ten don't seem to have subjooed
tn horrid cravin' fr tn fightin' mix
lures. Thousands iv pen who have de-
clined a verb have niver declined a
bow TIL mouh iv liquor hat is
ivry year pushed into tn fev'rish head
Nv persons who know about fractions
an tn use ~ "shall' an will" is
enough to dhrive an iddycator to drink.
Il leap to another cause iv tn
dumps. Gamblin', Gamblin' is a new
vice. I niver heerd Nv 1t befure l whit
to Harvard. But such a holt has it
took on this poor land iv ours through
tn assistance iv poplar iddycation.
that today in ivry hamlet tn click l.
iv tn poker check is tn re-
Spouse to tn clang iv tn schoo bell.
| Tjftla hove dart firm fh' h~lackhnard RI
tn horrid chalked circle in tn SCHOOL
yard where they play mibs FIR keeps
while their mothers gamble at cribbage
fr a penny a pint an their fathers
set up all night thryin' to fill tn busted
flush. But in vain.
81 now pass to novels, which make
me mos depressed. 1 had hoped in tn
halycon lays iv me youth that whin We
had piped our people full iv quadhratic
equations they wud read only tn best
books. e.g., Gloom" be Charles W.:
Eliot, Despair be G. w. Eliot, an
Elliot on Wasted Opportunities On
tn conthry. they seem to be PLACED
with Billy Baxter. 1t is too bad.
Again 1 am ~rayjooced TO tears be
amuses people. Wan iv tn worst
things that can happen TO a people is to
be aisily amused. Iddycation has made
US too ticklish. We stop to hear a band
play in tn sthreet, go to variety shows,
an laugh at jokes. 1t is dhreadful to
think iv. Laughter shud be used spar
ingly. People shud on'y be amused be
SERIOUS things. I am amusin.' SO
Is scenery. I have not laughed since
I see Pixies Peak.
but Why go on? Iddycation is a
failure. 1t hasn't suppressed sthrikes.
it hasn't previnted people firm losin'
their tempers, it hasn't subjooed their
passions an worst iv all it hasn't made
thin sad. It's a failure. l looked for
II --~, II A. - 49, L.- 49, .o-
iv TIL masses wud give all the wurruld
a crouch; whin the eye iv youth wud
be bedimmed be a tear an tn brow iv
age cracked in seams be Melancholy,
whin laughter wud be confined to dumb
animals, an man, iddycated man, WI
walk about tn wurruld with a Quiverin'
undher lip; whin the theaytres, tn sa-
looms. an tn gamblin' houses wud be
closed, tn hurdy-gurdy silenced an life
wud become a perpetchool sad, sweet
moan. Alas, it amt So TIL grave pres
ints no attractions to me fellow men.
Though i~ddycated they continue to be
human. Nv all tn men l know / alone
have profted be ~iddycation. In me We
see tn EXCEPTION to tn rule. 1 am al
a sad, always downcast- L defy
amy man to tickle me,'
$50 that's what tn prisidint iv Har-
ward thinks iv iddycation. It's gone
wrong. 1t amt helped US amy. We
mus close tn public schools an hang
Grape on tn dure. Do I think so? Dc
I think poplar ~iddycation is a failur-?
Faith, ] do not. 1 don't think amy
thing is a failure. Some day whin I
get a good dale iv money together. I'm
goin' to hire a hall an invite all tn
prisidints iv colleges an I'm goin' to
give thin an Entertainment. Twill be-
gin with q little music an they'll be a
turn be teams iv naygur comedians,
a number On tn pianny, an a luminous
recitation. Thin I will shtep to TIL
front ~ tn platform an IN say:
Ladies an gintlemen. me object in get
in ye together on this occasion is tc
ask We to cheer Up. It amt as bad az
it seems, boys. Things is pretty good
afther all. 1t is thrue that We haven;
cured all tn wrongs iv the wurruld bu;
nobody asst ye to. Tn throuble with
We is that ye'er intelligence has soured
on We Intelligence whin they'se a good
dale iv 1t an ye know it's there, is
sometimes a form iv milancholya.
suppose We wake up in III mornip' foo,