The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-08-09

with the gasoline automobile which
sounds like a threshing engine. There
are other small matters which disturb
the peace and quiet OF the night, like
cats and dogs and ROSTERS. but they
are merely incidental to the night owls
and trumpeters. The civic improve
mentists are a worthy clan, If they work
in the right direction"
THE DooLEY AND ADE CULT.
This is a mild protest against the
people who are always quoting favor
lite humorist, ''Dooley," OF George AIDE.
for example The Dooley and George
AIDE enthusiasts are almost a public
menace. 1t is a wonder that society
has not been formed for their suppress
sion or that political party is not
preparing to make an issue OF them.
1t would be a great opportunity for
the Democrats and would doubtless
solve the Harmony problem permanent
ly besides being a strong popular
measure that would win many converts
to the party. Almost every one has
suffered from the Dooley or AIDE pests.
There Is one at every boarding house
table in town. An occasional family is
blissfully exempt but the malady seems
~ DC AASA CS11l<1Iy 81 tAAcl IL O&AC A41CAAAO~A
Of a family has the Dooley habit you
discover when you meet the others that
they all quote the Irish philosopher.
This is very fortunate. for imagine
what the rest of the family would suf-
fer if only one cared for Mr.. Dooley or
Fables in Slang"
It is noticeable that the people who
think Mr.. Dooley is the funniest man
in America seldom appreciate AIDE and
the contrary is also true. This las led
some one to suggest that If congress
can't do any better for the country in
this matter it ought to provide some
means for isolating the Dooleyites and
the Aders and letting them have good
time. by themselves. They could be
colonized and left to bore one another
to extinction. 1t is likely, however, that
they would effect some sort of a COM
promise and manage to make something
of the situation, either by all talking at
once and each on his favorite topic so
that it would be impossible for any one
to hear anyone but himself, or by some
such arrangement as this: 'Tll listen
to Dooley's jokes, il you'll listen to
Ade's.''
If the Dooley and the AIDE partisans
would tell their favorites' jokes to those
who have the same idea of humor they
wouldn't be SO bad. It is positive joy
to see Dooleyite greet Dooleyite and
an Alder discover an Alder. They usual
ly recognize their common weakness
during the first half hour OF their ac-
Quaintance because it is impossible for
them through accident or design to
avoid their favorite subject longer than
that. In the course of the usual plati-
tudes one says, LAS Mr.. Dooley says
and starts to quote. The other snatches
the words from his mouth and they fin
ish in concert gazing at one another
radiantly and roaring at the humor Of
Finley Peter Dunno. They are kindred
souls. From that time until they part
the conversation is a resume of the
Dooley philosophy.
The disciple of AIDE is always loaded
with some Of his characteristic phrases
and he Immediately recognizes them
and the peculiar emphasis which indi-
Gates. in speech, the capitalization
methods which AIDE uses in writing.
on another's tongue. When this hap
pens the helpless bystander may expect
to be RECALLED for the next hour or until
''the Days Work. as Mr.. Dooley says.
draws them from this fascinating diver
sion. with copious excerpts from Artie,
Pink Marsh, Doc Horne. Fables in Slang,
More Fables in Slang, Forty Fables In
Slang, the very latest Fables in Slang
and all the syndicated Fables in Slang
that have come out in the Sunday news.
papers since the last volume was pub
lished.
There is no use demonstrating with
members of the Dooley the AIDE cult.
There is nothing in the theory that
they would do better IL they knew how
obnoxious they are. So greatly do they
appreciate an educated and interested
listener that they can tell in a minute
when they are talking to the person
who reads Dooley religiously or one
who couldn't get through a Sunday
without his regular Fable in Slang.
And common sense ought to tell them.
and probably does. that anyone who
cares about it can get Dooley or AIDE
at first hand. If a man doesn't read
DUNES stuff or AIDES Fables 1t is un-
mistakable evidence that these humor-
lists bore him to death.
If the rabid Dooleyite and confirmed
Alder believe they have mission to ed
ucate the unregenerate to an apprecfa-
ton of these writers they should get
rid of the notion. But when you have
the Dooley habit or tho AIDE habit It
seems that you can't help It, even if you
realize your infirmity and would like to
conceal it. There is nothing for this
class of people but transportation. If
the United States buys Greenland it is
proposed to send them to a blfssful ex-
fle where they win never be annoyed
by persons with an atrophied sense of
humor.
American women are becoming very
common in their ways and are nursing
their own babies lust like an empress