The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1902-09-07

the fond mamma, who is reading the
epistle from the daughter who mas peen
spending the summer at the fashlohable
resort, says the Baltimore American
| "she writes: I know you will all be sur
Drised to learn that l have become en-
gagged" Great Scott" exclaimed the
doting papa 81 knew we should never
have permitted that girl to go 10 mat
Mace unattended. Now she will come
home with a bogus count or spurious
duke. or at the best a bankrupt loru Tor
me to support. I've a notion to telegraph
her that she is disinherited and wait
a minute" advises the mother. Listen
to the rest of the sentence: Il nave De-
come engaged to the landlord. oh'
joy!" shouts the father as he executes
saraband of happiness adown the room.
George Stickney, who lives in Lancas-
ter, n. H., is we'll known in Lewiston he
has a boy who is coming along IKE
year-old trotter under training, says
the Lewiston CMe.) Journal. Mr. SUCK
ney asked the superintendent OF scnools
when it would be advisable to SEND the
boy to school. The superintendent SAID
that the fall term would be good time,
but advised Mr.. Stickney to teach the lad
that two and two make four and how the
letters of the alphabet run before ne let
him out.
short time afterward the superin-
tendent met the boy and asked him If
he knew his letters.
Sure" ssid the boy.
"Well, sir, what is the first letter!
"a" was the answer.
Correct" said the superintendent.
"Now, what comes after A?''
"All the rest of the push" said the
boy.
Il was travelling from Philadelphia to
the West the other day." said a man
who sells oil for a leading house, accord
ing to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, when
l was put upon small trick to beat the
Pullman Car Company. l should not care
to play it myself, but | can easily see how
it can be done"
Soon after leaving Philadelphia l went
into the smoking compartment, and there
met a pleasant young fellow who was
travelling for Philadelphia house. After
time he said to me, Shall I show you
how to beat the Pullman Company
Well l answered, 1 am not much in that
line, but how will you do ito I'll show
you when the conductor comes along he
answered
When the conductor came the man
from Philadelphia merely pointed to me.
He inspected my ticket, found l had paid
for lower birth, said no more, and went
on. Then it dawned upon me that this
oH f1s1y p1 aTs hod OF oH
one of the two seats that | had right to.
rode on my ticket to Harrisburg, but
part of my expense"
This account of conversation between
an officer and a private comes from the
Philippines, says the Chicago News. An
officer of the day, meeting a sentinel on
outpost, paused to ask him if he knew his
orders.
Yes, sir" said the sentinel.
Offcer-"SuppOse you were rushed by
100 bolomen. what would you do?"
Form a line, sir" replied the senti-
mel.
What! One man form a line?"
Eyes, sir Id form a Decline for camp!f'
Dad, can you answer a question now,
or are you too busy?" asked the 7-year-
old heir, says the Baltimore Sun. You
told me always to ask you about anything
l didn't know"
"Quite right, my son" said the fond
parent. Il wish you to grow up a wise
and observant man. Never be afraid of
showing your ignorance and your store
of knowledge will steadily increase. What
is it this time?"
1.-THE other day l heard someone talk
about the bone of contention, dad, and /
should like you to tell me which part of
the body it is in. Which is it?"
Henry, my son, said his father,
solemnly-after casting a glance around
to see if mother were in the way-"the
bone of contention is the jawbone of a
woman. Always be careful of it, Henry
And Henry promised he would.
Hix-They say that every hearty laugh
adds a day to ones life.
Dix-Don't believe a word of it.
Hix-Why not?
Dix-A man kicked at least a week off
my life recently because l laughed when
walk
You look happy" ventured the tour
ist.
Couldn't be more so, stranger" replied
the lanky native.
Didn't the lightning strike your
placer"
Yes, hit the woodpile an split up
enough kndling to last six weeks"
'How about the cloudburst?"
ooh, that saved the old woman weeks
washing Just hung the clothes out an
the water did the rest"
'But the the earthquake"
well that saved some more work |
Churned up all the milk aroun' into but
ter. Nature is mans greatest help |
stranger"
A Sunday-school superintendent in talk |
ing to his pupils about cruelty to animals !
said: "Only a coward would abuse a crea- |
ture that has no way of protecting itself. |
Why children | once knew a little boy |