The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1902-06-14
HE WAS SMOKED OUT"

What Caused Mark Twain to
Leave the River, or Why a Great
Humorist Did Not Become a Second
Jim Bludso,'' is one of the books that
has never been written by Samuel L.
Clemens or any one else. So far as
known, the story has never even ap-
peared in print, although it is vouch-
ed fer by several of the old river men
who have the yarn-spinning habit.
According to these authorities
Mark Twain never became a full
hedged pilot and never stood a night
watch alone. In other words, while
he had pilots license, his mastery
of the great river craft on which he
rode was always limited by the un-
derstanding that an older and more
experienced head was within easy
call. This was no discredit to the
Young pilot.
On the occasion in question, it mat
ter not what the year or boat, the
steamer to which young Clemens was
ATTACHED as cub pilot was bound up
stream with a heavy cargo of cotton.
At the officers table the first day out
from Natchez, Miss, the talk turned
upon wat to do in sudden emergen-
cies, and especially in case of fire on
a steamer loaded with cotton. The
matter was discussed in all its bear
ings, each 0f those present giving his
ideas upon the subject. Mark Twain,
like most OF the others, held to the
notion that il was the pilots duty in
such an emergency to emulate the
now famous Jim Bludso and ''hold
her nozzle to the bank till the last
galoot's ashore"
Among those at the table was the
assistant engineer "a young man whose
experience of life had taught him to
doubt the ability of human nature to
carry out the projects of its more
boastful moments. He went below
at the same time Mark Twain went
aloft, but the two continued to think
Of the conversation just closed. The
more the engineer thought about it
the less credit he was disposed to give
to the cub pilots scheme.
As every one knows, the pilot house
and engine room of a steamboat are
connected, not only with bells for
signaling, but with a speaking tube,
through which the important func-
tionaries who operate above and be-
low can discuss the weather and poll
tics in their spare moments. The
mouth of the tube at the upper end
is but little larger than the human
mouth, but in the engine room it has
the shape of a funnel as big as half
bushel measure. While the assistant
engineer was pondering the emer-
gency question he was also wiping off
a portion of the machinery with a
bunch of cotton waste, and as he
reached the mouth of the speaking
tube it was the work of but moment
to touch match to the infammable
material in his hand and thrust it far
into the tube.
No one saw the act, but everybody
on board heard from it in about
minute. Mark Twain, alone in the
pilot house and still pondering the
dire things he had heard from the
older hands about the horrors of burn
ing steamboats,, especially when they
happened to be loaded with cotton,
was Mortified to see smoke pouring
from his end of the speaking tube.
There was but one thought in his
mind. The boat was on fire. Drop
ping the wheel, which, spun around
and around as it left his hand, he
grasped the rope by which the big
bell was sounded and began pulling
like sexton, at the same time rails
ing his voice in a cry of Fire,
"Fire," '"The boats afre !" Here
the officers of the boat and the pas
sengers are said to have found him,
after hurriedly ascertaining that the
alarm was false, still valorously de-
termined to save the ship" The
boat, relieved of the rudder's gui-
dance, had in the meanwhile swung
around in the current and dashed full
speed on a sand bar, from which it re-
quired half day to drag her. And
Mark Twain, having lost his nerve,
left the river.