The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-02-06


ty." Yes; he's one Of the worst cranks
l know"
Your iancee is a very reserved
girl" said bunker to Spatts. 'She is"
replied Spatts. ''She is reserved for
me-"
But he doesn't seem to know much
about the topics of the day." WELL
no wonder. He got all his education
In night school,"
Doctor-To take the rest cure will
cost you 500 a week. Why.
doctor, ! caHsend my wife away to the
country for half that.-Judge.
Mrs. Muggins-At any rate, Mrs.
Stuckup never talks about her neigh
bors. Mrs. Ruggins-Of course not.
She's always too busy talking about
herself.
Jackson-I hear your baby was kid
mapped. Currie-Yes. The kidnappers
have offered us five thousand dollars If
we will take him back, but we are hold
ing out for more.-Life.
"If my memory were only a little
worse than 1t is" said Mr.. Suburbs.
1T would be pleasanter. Now. every
time l take car | remember that
have forgotten something's
lis News.
Guest-You say this is the smallest
room you have. How much is 1t? Sum-
mer Hotel PrOprietOr-Seven dollars a
day. Guest-And when l am through
with it may take it home with me as
a souvenir?
Doctor shall have to charge you a
hundred dOllars-that is. Of course. IL
cure you. Patient-But in case you
don't cure me? Doctor-Oh, well-in
that case suppose your estate will be
good for it.
Chappie-Pd just like to know what
you mean by being engaged to both
Cholly and me at once. Miss Pinkie-
Why, bless me! there Is no harm done;
you can't either of you afford to marry
me. you know.
Mistress-Now, Bridget. there is one
thing l must insist upon. If you break
anything, l want you to come and tell
me at once Bridget-Sure, ma'am,
can't be runnin' to We every minute OF
the day.-Brooklyn Life.
"Yis; Mikes on shtrike. It's wan
av thin sympa t'etic shtrikes. where
they sympat'ize wit other min that's
shtrikin'." AN so We have to take in
washin'?" "Yis; have to sympat'ize
wit the childher!"-Puck.
Askit-Why does Written. the great
author, wear such look Of constant
fear? Tellit-He wrote the class song
when he graduated. and his enemies
are constantly threatening to make 1t
public.-Baltimore American.
Old Lady ION ocean steamer)-Mercy
me, is this all one ship? Travelled
Granddaughter-W yes, grandma,
and we haven't walked a quarter the
length of it yet. Old Lady-Gracious!
How near shall we be to the land when
we get to the other end?
A lady was looking for her husband
and inquired anxiously for a house
maid. do you happen to know any
thing of your masters whereaboutsT
"Im not sure. num-" replied the care
full domestic; "but l think they're IN
the wash."-The Pathfinder.
Z Guest-I am little short, and l want
to ask II you will wait until | get home
before settle my bill. Hotel Proprie-
tor-Certainly, sir. l know ! can trust
Won. because the last time you were
here you mailed us back the key OF
your room.-Town and Country.
Mrs. Hauskeep-I don't know mucn
about the new girl, but she's goou-ha-
tured and harmless, at any rate. MI.
transcription did you find that out'
Mrs. Hauskeep-I notice that she sings
at her work. Mr.. Hauskeep-Huh'
That's no sign; mosquito does th4t'
.Willie," said his father as he pro
ceeded with the laying on OF hahds'
am sorry to have to do this-it nurts
me more than it does you "Weh'
returned the precocious youngster. 70
s,pnedly. II never did believe In these
here sympathetic strikes anyhow. Iney
oIwavs do more harm than good
Mrs. Cobwigger-Why did you expe'
her from the Womens Club? Mrs. Dor
cas-She made motion that instead
of engaging a professor of Hindoo pnii-
osonbv we should hire some one 10
teach us how to step on car. now 70
sharpen pencil, and how to carry an
umbrella in crowd.-Town Topics.
A London barber was just nnishing
customer and was talking