The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-12-10

ONE WAS FOR BEER. UND DER
ODDER FER A MUSEUM"
Il dunno. Hans, but you should think
it oafer. gift you hints und you work
EN- out. vhas a poor man when i
peesness und ! charge two dollar for
stopping a leak in a water pipe und
now I own seven houses und hat ten
children. You vhas my frendt. und I
put you on to a good thing"
When dot plumber goes out I sit
down und talk NIT myself. Der trouble
nit ME vhas dot nottings vhas two
times alike. One day a man Gums in
my gas meter. und dot fat policeman
says 7 vhas swintlles und should Look
oudt Next day another man Gums urG
acts shust the same, und I gift him der
boot ind vhas fined twenty-five tollar.
One time an exDressman Gums NIT :,
package and collects fife tOIler, und when
L open him he vhas a big stone Dot far
policeman says 1 vhas a greenhorns urd
don't know somebody. Next day dor
expressn1an Gums NIT package ind I
fight init him und hat to pay feefty
tollar. One day der man who makes der
taxes Gums in my place und drinks four
beers und says he makes my taxes
lower. / go by der police, und he laughs
at me und says I better go back to
Shermany. Next day another man Gums
to drink my beer und see about taxes
II somebody vhas nopody, how you go
Ing to tell about it?
L speak to my wife all about der sa-
loon und museum peesness, howeffer.
und talk for an hour init der drug
glst und coal man, und / shall see aDouI
her. Dot little tailor don't like to see
me get ahead of him in peesness. but
last night he comes around und talks
10 me und writes me out a piece for der
papers as follows:
Ladies und Shentlemen-I like to in
troduce myself in my new peesness. I
haf opened some saloons for beer but
she yhas divided off in two pieces. One
WAS for beer und der udder one for a
museum. 1t vhas no sharge to go in or
come oudt, und stay as long as you like
1ou can stay in or stay Oudt-she vhaS
der same to me Dot beer vhas for SAL.
at der usual price, und she vhas ten
KS, but if you don't vhant some you go
by der museum und she vhas shust der
same She vhas innocent for women una
cnlldren, und no one vhas made better
for seeing my place.
Il like to call your attention to NV
lulu. l don't know he vhas a lulu till
der man who sells him to me gifts mo
dot pointer. I belief all der time he
vhas a stuffed cat init glass ewes 1nd n
bobtaiL Dot lulu vhas from Africa. und
he Was SO fierce dot ofen der elephants
run AWAY from him. If a man should
meet lulu in an African forest at
midnight, God help dot man. He would
he would be in kindling wood. und dot
lulu would drink his blood und scream
'Ha! hal hal NOBODY shall be afraid of
my lulu because he vhas deadt und can't
fight, und because I vhas at handt to
protect der women und children I likS
to say in conclusion dot nopody shall
poke him NIT stick und DOT he vha5
Ger only specimen effer brought to
America. Some time dot policeman says
| vhas lulu myself, but he don't hat
time to point himself.
In dot next cage you find der hodag
| don't know some hodags until I buy
him for feefteen tollar. I belief he vhas
stuffed fox, ind ! shmile at him. but
der man proofs dot he vhas right Dot
hodag vhas from Australia vhare he goes
roaming to eat eaferypody Oop While he
vhas a small animal, he has big appe-
ttte, und if he don't eat one man a dav
he vhas hungry. He don't fear nopody
If you meet him when you vhas walking
out you vhas gone oop der spot. He
shumps on your back ind filings you
down, und fort ten minutes he toys NIT
you und makes you belief he vhas all in
fun. You pet him und call him fond
names und belief you Will go home, but
he shumps at you. ind you yhas in heafen
in two minutes Nopody else has a mu-
scum nit hodag in it. He vhas not to
be had Dis one vhas found deadt, und
he vhas valued at ten t'ousand tollar He
don't hurt anybody unless you poke him
in der eye NIT an umbrella. In conclusion
L Will say dot de more beer you drink
in der saloon part der bigger dot hodag
looks in der museum.
ut gifts me pleasure to speak of dot dodo
in dot third cage. He vhas rare You
may go by ten museums, und you don t
find him. My oldt woman said he vhas
half turkey. but I pay twenty tollar for
him ind find oudt he vhas a dodo. I
vhas not we'll posted aboudt dot dedo, as
der man who sells him to me has to go
right away to Chicago. but I know he
vhas badt bird. He comes from Swift
zerIand, und he flies aboudt und looks
for women uAd children. If he finds one
outdoors, it vhas goodby. He screams
two times upd seizes dot victim und
bears him off to his nest. und it vhas no
good to follow after. Some day you may
find some bones; dot vhas all. A full
grown dodo. like the one you see before
you, can eat one woman or two children
eafery day, und such vhas der fear of
him dot no Swiss woman goes oudt by
her hogpen nlidoudt a rome aroundt her
waist. You can see by his tail dot dis
bird flies by night as well as by day. If
a girl standts oudt by her gate at night
waiting for her Teller to come along. may
pc dot Teller finds her und maybe she
observation-disclosures oop der mountains to