davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1902-09-26
Secret Ont.

!. Smith-Brown is certainly a good
man. He always speaks we'll of his
~neighbors.
Jones-That isn't due to his goodness.
lie Is anxious to sell his house and lot
Chicago News.
, 1902-09-26

Some men seem to mov TO a larger
town for no other reason than that
they have to make bigger fools of
themselves there to attract ~attention.
, 1902-09-26

All is not gold raj shows up in a
glittering mining prospectus
, 1902-09-26

Fortunate is the young man who O
sesses a full set of good habits.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
His Lovely Manners.

A benevolent looking man boarded a
downtown elevator already occupied
by three women upward bound. With
Chesterfieldian air he respectfully
doffed his hat and held IL in his hand
until he had reached his destinati ton
What charming man! Such love-
ly manners" gushed the women in
chorus.
A few minutes later the benevolent
looking man Of the lovely manners
reached bis office. Pitching his hat on
the back Of bis beneficent head. sprawl
Ing himself down In true manly aban-
don at his desk. putting a clay pipe In
an artistic masculine fashion, occa sion
ally expectorating In the vicinity Of a
cuspidor. he greets his six-doilar "a
week for-ten- hours-a day stenographer
by jocularly inqulring why in thunder
those legal papers aren't finished
Lovely man!
on. yes: very!-San Francisco Wave.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
Crank and EDiCUrp.

"A travelling crank and epicure had
the audacity to ask the head steward
shortly before my boat sailed from
Liverpool for New York." said a wait
er on an ocean liner. "if be would mind
changing three Of the courses on the
bill Of fare for others which he prefer
red. He was informed politely but
firmly that there were other passen-
gers besides himself sailing on the YES
sci and that IL he thought he could
not survive on the excellent fare pro-
vided during the voyage all he had to
do was to book with another line and
his passage money would be returned
to him.
STEAMSHIP companies are not in the
habit Of returning passage money when
once paid, as Is well known, but in
this instance we would willingly have
done SO.
'Our fastidious passenger did not
book with another line, however, and.
what is more. he ate enough at each
meal on the trip to satisfy two men
with sea air appetites and presented
to the waiter, who attended with ex-
treme good nature to his likes and dis
likes throughout the voyage. the mag.
niflcent sum Of Is cents. New York
Mail and Express
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
WANTED TO GET IN.
He Was Willing TO Join IL 1t Didn't
Cost Too Much.

A lank, Eng countryman stood out
side Of III, reading room door of the IL
Srar" Of congress and looked with long.
ins I. Al its gorgeous interior. Admit
tance had been refused Oh his declar-
ing that he had no intention of reading.
hut he fingered near the door hopir:
something would turn up 10 let him in.
Finally he again approached the door
keeper
You say can't get in boss?' he
asked.
Not unless you want 10 read. was
the discouraging reply.
"A dollar wouldn't be any object TO
you. would 1t, boss?'
The doorkeeper shook his head and
waved the insistent visitor away. In Il
few moments three members Of con-
gress approached and, noddng 10 the
doorkeeper. said. We are members,
you know" and passed in through the
door. The countryman dartcd forward
again.
II say. boss" he asked confidentlally
how much does il cost to be a mem
Der? | belong 10 one lodge already. but
ef II amt too al, fire.! mitch III 20 yon.
for ! certainly do want 10 git in thar
and set down a spell: I certainly do
New York Tribune.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
Asfatic Hum or,

lat one Of the public dinners given
by Ameer Abdur Rahman Khan" says
Mr.. Stephen Wheeler In his story of
the ameer's life, IAN excited native
rushed into the midst Of the assembly
and prostrated himself In front Of the
ameer.
'Sahib" he gasped. The Russians
are comingr
"'From what direction are they visi.
ble| asked the ameer without chang
ing his expression.
From yonder hill replied the ma
tive
"'Climb that tree and watch until
they Gomez was the royal command.
THE native ascended to the topmost
branches and was forced to remain un-
til he dropped to the ground"
Political upholsterers." whom Addi-
son described as grave persons" may
see in this anecdote evidence OF the
ameer's full confidence In Russia's in
tentions toward Afghanistan 1T Is
more probable that it was a manife.-
tation Of that grim humor which was
Of the quaint oriental stripe with
which the Arabian Nights" have
made US familiar.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
A China mans Protest.

The Peking Gazette, spea King OF Chi
nese In foreign lands, says:
I'VE dress and speat differently from
foreigners. just us foreigners do who
come 10 China. Buf nobo9v ~ the
streets calls us Chinese devils The
children In the streets wish to see how
long our cues are. but the police.
seeing them annoy us. scatter them
When we so into shop to buy any
thing. we are treated with even more
consideration than their own people
We enter their homes, 1t Is the same
They seek to please us In every way.
show us curios or play the organ or
piano for us. The writer has been to
France. England. America. Japan,
Spain and South America and stayed
years. and everywhere he was treated
with the same courtesy"
1t Is to be feared that some Chinese
laundrymen in this country would not
wholly indorse this view.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
MISAPPliED WORDS.
Some Expressions the Use of Which
should Be Reformed.

Extra" Is an abused word People
say extra good or extra cheap" in
order TO intensity good and cheap"
But extra" has no such force. So fa-
from intensifying a given condition. It
denies it by indicating that tie thing
SO described lies outside the sphere or
quality named. Thus extra judicial"
does not mean more than ordinarily ju.
dicial. as though judge had dredGed
his conscience in giving an opinion. but
outside of judicial and therefore inca
pable Of being judged al all in the pre-.
scribed way.
grievous fault Is the use Of ''den.
tify" in a phrase like this. He Is iden-
tilted with the antivacclnation move.
ment. A man can only identify him.
self with another man or set Of men,
He can Identify himself with tie op.
poDents of vaccination-and even here
the word carries a shade of meaning Of
its own. distinguishing the phrase from
such one as ''he Joined the opponents
Of vaccination"
One should not speak Of high" or
low caliber: but, remembering the
meaning Of 'cal;bpr.' one should Apply
to it only such adjectives as great" or
small"
1t Is wrong to speak Of consensus
Of opinion" The word consensus" It.
self means an agreement of thought
and should stand alone.-Academy.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
BE Pattcnr with Pussy.

II you want to train cat properly.
remember that pussy Is not the stu
pid animal pictured by common super
stition. Cats certainly are not so In
tellisent rs dogs. Neither are they SO
sociable. But once they get TO know
what Is wanted Of them they are easi-
IL induced to do 1t to the best Of their
ability. Kindness and patience go
long way with cats. A little whole
some correction is good for a dog. but
use a whip to cat for one time only
even II ever so sparingly. and its value
as a trick animal Is destroyed forever.
Cats are simply bundles Of nerves COW
cred over with. fur. and even an unkind
word or glance from any one they
love will cause them acute suffering.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
HIS ENGLISH FRIEND.
4 Visit That Wrecked the Nerves OF
an American Host.

"I've been having the time of my life.
tell YOU said the suburbanite gloom
lily to his city friend at lunch.
whats the matsr? Pipes burst
Furnace won't work: Dog killing the
neighbors' chickens. asked the friend
sympathetically running through the
list Of the suburbanire'S usual griev-
ances
NO: worse than that" sadly answer
ed the first speaker. I've been hay,
Ing an English friend visit me. It's
years since I've been across the water
so one or two Of his ways were little
strange. The worst of his doings was
what has broken me up so. He went
to bed the first nj ght before the rest OF
US, and when | came along the corridor
an hour or so later there We're his
shoes standing outside his dor anO
frightfully muddy too.
II looked at them in astonishmen,
Then | remembered the English Gus
tom OF having the boy come up fol
the DO is. We keep only two servants
you know. both women. and Of course
In the country you have 20 rub then
the right WAY or they'll leave. | knew
perfectly we'll that If told either of
those free and independent Irish wo-
men to clean the Englishman's shoes
we'd be left servantless, and that
would have been the death Of my
wife.
II lifted the shoes gingerly by two
fingers and carried them to my room.
When | thought the servants must be
asleep. l crept down stairs and got to
work with brush. At every sound
would nearly jump out Of my own
boots and drop his. | fancied every
moment that the girls would see my
candle and give the alarm Of burglars
or that my friend would be taken i'll
and get up and find me brushing his
shoes. Oh, ! had Pretty time Of it!
he stayed n week, tnat Engishman.
and what with loss Of sleep and over
strained nerves I'm wreck"
We'll. why on earth didn't you have
the moral courage to-
"Moral courage! I'd like to see the
tell an English gentleman with a mono
Gle that the ways Of even we'll bred
people in this country differ from those
he's been accustomed to! My friend,
you do not know the breed" And he
drowned his sorrows and braced his
aerves with second cup Of unsur-
passed coffee.-New York Tribune.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
81 90 A YEAR.
A 1ALE OF TWO CITIES.
The rerlls Of Living Near the Mex
lean Boundary Line.

Some peculiar conditions prevail at
the twin cities Of Nogales, Mexico.
and Nogales. Ariz.," said the Detroiter,
who recently returned from visit to
Mexico. The international boundary
line is formed by street that divides
the two towns. and the boundary
stakes are set out with very nice
regard for technicalities. There Is
saloon there which has more than a
local reputation, and the proprietor Is
certainly an enterprising individual.
His saloon Is located on the street d.
vidins the two counties and at point
where the dividing line Is not clearly
defined. The patron OF this saloon
buys his drink in America. and. step
ping across the hall, he buys his cigar
IN Mexico. In this way the proprietor
avoids the duty on imported cigars
and can provide his customers with
the best make at lower prices than
most Of his competitors.
They tell IN amusing story about an
American who imbibed too much fight
Ing whisky at this saloon. When he
arrived ut a certain stage, he allowed
his prciudices to get the better OF him,
and. standing near the boundary line
of his own country. he heaped anatne-
mas and hurled def1ances at the people
across the border. A couple of Mexi-
can officers stood across the street al
most within reach Of the pugna cious
American. hoping that he would stroll
across into Mexico. He did get over
there after awhile, although the trip
was wholly unprecedented. During
harangue against Mexican institu-
tions In general and the police In par
tcuiar he happened to lurch too far
over to starbOard and fell into Mexico.
The alert cops promptly grabbed him,
and. though he didn't get n chance to
take in the sights, he paid quite an ex-
tended visit to the country be had So
eloquently maligned." Free
Press
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
The Best Teie eDhOned CITY.

What Is the best teiephoned city In
the world? San Francisco seems to be
the answer. In that city. with a popu
iation Of 342. 7S2. thert. are 81 ,324 tele-
phones, Or sixty-tve ger thousand. In
Europe, Copenhagen Is probably the
best telephoned city, with lo,311 tele-
phones to its 312. S59 of popula tion.
equal to forty-nine per thousand. In
Copenhagen, too, the best conditions
for the public exist although the rates
are relatively as high as those in Amer
lean cities. London compares very un-
favorably with these figures. At the
beginning OF this year there were Al
Ill telephones to population of more
than 100000, or proportion of sew
en- to every thousand people. New
York. with population Of $3.50. 900.
had 54.647 instruments, or twenty-sfx
to thousand.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
Caught q Tartar,

Like 50 many Of his learned brethren
In the Church Of England. the late
Canon Carter was the terror Of COM
positors. His was perhaps. after Dean
Stanley's, the very worst handwriting
Of the last century.
About 1880 the then bishop Of Lich
field, DR.. Maciagan. surprised one Of
his secretaries by saying: IL have
hardly ever received an anonymous
letter. but | got one this morning. 1t Is
very badly written. and | can hardly
make 1t cut. but from the signature II
Is sure to be abusive. The man has
signed himself "A Tartar See If you
can make 1t out"
The secretary. who knew the hand
writing. rather startled his iordship by
rejoining: Its nothing alarming It's
only note from Canon Carter OF
Ciewer!-LO London Tit Bits.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
Huabands' Motto O bible Verse.

The Husbands Protection society Of
London has as its motto the naive
verse found in what Is known as the
Wife Beater's Bible. published in 1549,
copies Of which may be found in many
museums and libraries. This verse Is
as follows:
HE dwelleth wyth his wye accord
inge to his knowledge and taketh her
as a necessarye healper and not as a
bonde servant or bonde slave. And
If she be not obedient and helpfull to
hym he endeavoureth to beate the fear
of God into her heade that thereby she
maye be compelled to iearne her dutie
aud to do "-London News.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
The Wrong CrOu.

Visiting an out Of the way English
parish when the incumbent happened
to be away. former archdeacon of
Suffolk was, 1t Is related. shown round
by the clerk On arriving at the church.
yard he found fine crop Of wheat
growing In 1t.
Dear. dearr' said the archdeacon.
Il can't approve Of this. | really did
not think Mr. - would have planted
wheat in the churchyard."
That's Just what l told parson.' -
said the clerk. II says" says l. ''ye
didn't ought to have wheated 1t; ye
ought to have tatered itv'
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
SOLVING A PROBLEM.
The Green Country Brakeman Who
introduced the .sSaw BY"


introduced the "Saw BY"
Many years ago a green couS ~ boy
applied to the superintendent Of a
western railway for work and. some
what against the superintendent's
wish, on account Of the danger to life
and limb attendant upon such occupa
ton, was given a place as brakeman Of
freight train.
On one OF his first trips 1t happened
that his train met another freight train
at station where the sidetrack was
not long enough to accommodate either
Of them. The conductors were debat
Ing which train should back up to
point where they could pass when the
new hand ventured to suggest that nei-
ther should back; that they could pass
each other by means Of the short side
track II the thing was r. naged right
The idea excited good deal Of
laughter on the part Of the old train
men. but the boy stood his ground.
"Well, how would you go about it?"
asked one Of the conductors. confident
that the lad would soon find himself
against stump.
The boy took up a stick and traced In
the sand diagram to illustrate his
plan.
Good graciousr' said the conductor
II believe that will do it!''
And 1t did do it. Today every train
man In America probably knows how
to "saw by" two long trains on short
sidetrack. but 1t Is not so generally
known that the thing was never done
until an inexperienced country boy
who became the manager Of great
railway line worked out the problem
for himself.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
VALUE OF AN HONEST eye.
A Rosfness Mans Experience In Hfr.
ing an Office Assistant.

- A'ObAuCD8 -u0H experience hlFs
ing an Office Assistant.
business man said that he once de-
voted b: + day TO hiring a man
whom he needed in his office. In an
swer to his advertisement a great
many applicants called. He rejected
the first because he would not look him
in the eye. The second man." said the
merchant. was armed with uble
Darreled recommendation from his pas
tor, with testimonials as to his busi-
ness ability and good character; but,
though he looked me in the eye, | saw
that we could never hope to get along
we'll together. and 50 dismissed him.
The third interested me the moment he
stepped inside the dor. He was poor
ly dressed. and, though his clothes
were whole, they were at least two
sizes too small. 1t was evident that
his attire troubled him not the least.
for he held his head high and as he ap-
preached my desk looked me squarely
In the eye. He said that he had No rec
Ommendation. that he had no business
experience, but that he was willing to
do his best to please me. In an instant
il dawned upon me that before III"
was the man that ! was ioO..-ing fer.
He had nothing to recommend him
save an honest, bright eye and pleas
ant face but that was sufficient. l en-
gagged him on the spot
"Since then l have seen fit to ad-
vance him over q man who had been
with me three years. The latter grum-
bled, but there was reason for my
move-the new man had proved him
self worthy of promotion"
Instances might be definitely multi
piled Of the value of an honest eye.
That wonderful window Of the soul.
the eye, Is q sure index to character.
II you have 1t not. cultivate bright
honest, straightforward look. 1t will
more than repay your effort. Look up
and fearlessly meet the eyes of those
with whom you converse. Many
choice position has been lost through
an Indifferent. flinching eye, and many
coveted position has been won
through fearless, honest eye. That
kisd Of eye Is better than hundred
recommendations
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
Light without Sight.

We can perceive" light without the
smallest aid from the retina. II the
optic nerve Is sufficiently excited to
reach the sensorium and create dis
turbance at that center OF the brain
where the optic nerve terminates. we
shall then see light and sparks. II,
moreover. the optic nerve is cut or mu
tilated in any way. we should see a
brilliant fash of light, though without
any sensation Of pain. And SO 1t Is
with the other nerves The auditory
nerve has only to be excited not nee
essarily by sound, so as to reach Its
center the brain. and we shall hear a
sound. How many ghosts might not
be destroyed in this way?-Chambers
Journal
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
LONG RANGE BAPTISM.
ChristeninR In Scotland Was Con-
Quoted Under Diflculties

In wide and sparsely populated high
land districts OF Scotland 1t not infre-
Quently happens that parent Is oblig-
ed to walk distance of five or six
miles with an infant for baptism
1t is related Of minister Of the
north that he agreed to accommodate
a parishioner thus situated by meet
ing him at stream midway between
thS parents house and the manse and
there baptizing the child at the run
nin. water.
1t 50 happened that By the time the
parties came to opposite sides Of the
bourn heavy rains had swollen 1t into
q rapid torrent, SO that ne...sx party
could approach the other.
Unwilling to turn back with the
"bairn" unbaptized. the farmer pro-
posed that the minister should splash
water across. Accordingly the minister
stepped down to the stream and en-
deavored to throw handfuls Of water
on the farmers baby.
Haze ye got ony O. that?" he cried
at each successive splash.
Dell q spairge," was the reply.
At last few of the splashes were
communicated to the infants face.
and the ceremony was then concluded
in the usual form.
Before retiring to their respective
homes the farmer produced bottle OF
whisky. crying across, "As | Gamma
offer ye glass owre the held O this.
here's the bOttle-kepp!" And be threw
1t across the stream.
The bottle was caught, 1t Is related.
with precision that Detokened on the
part Of his reverence, II not cOnsldera
bic practice. at least considerable dex-
terity.-Stray Stories.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
Liea of the White Kind.

The whole fabric Of social inter-
course is interviewer with what would
be lies according to strict code. Some
are pleasant fctions that deceive no
body. Most Of them have their genesis
Ia kindly. cheerful desire to avoid
giving pain. These polite untrutas are
the lubricant of society. They wear
away the rough edges, take away the
sting out Of uncomfortable facts. They
are the flower of courtesy. 1.-The pine
apple perfume Of politeness." Wash
inSton Times.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
Tastes Differ.

People have different tastes. Do not
grumble at your neighbor because be
does not accept sour opinions and
does not Ike your .amusements. The
writer Of this does not like football.
and party of students on the streets
giving a yell annoys him. but other
people like football. and we are willing
to stand the "yelr' and football. 1t Is
foolish to condemn a man because his
ideas do not agree with yours.-Atchi-
son Globe
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
The Left Over Baby.

A woman went into big department
store and checked her baby while she
shopped. When she went tc get her
baby. she found she had lost her check
The manager said she would have to
wait and when all the other babies
were taken out she could have the one
that was left. but the baby left over
was colored baby. THIS was all
right. however. as the woman was col
ored.-Atch.son Globe.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
When Wives Were Sold.

A century or so ago wife selling was
not an uncommon event In England,
as the following item. which appeared
In the London News Of Nov. 2l. 1901.
would show:
ION Friday a coal porter exhibited
bis wife In Smithfield. with halter
round her neck. for sale. He demand
ed guinea for her, but she hung on
hand for some time. until a man of
good appearance made the purchase.
and packing her. halter and ALL into a
hackney coach drove for Blackfriars
bridge, amid the huzzas Of the mob"
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
A Good Mimic.

Il don't see what yoh oil has to sit
30 proud about" said Miss Sadie Cot
tonbali.
"Cohse you doesn'." answered Miss
Miami Brown. "IZe been studyin' de
white folks. What yoh wants to do
is jes' put on de airs yohse'f an let de
yuthuh folks do de guessin' bout whut
de reason Washington Star.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
The Best LITTER.

Hlram-That boy OF yours what went
to college could do some powerful lift
Ing with the clubs and dumbbells- r.
Silas-Yes. but always thought more
OF the other ones lifting powers.
Hiram-Did he lift dumbbells and the
like?
Silas-No: he lifted the mortgage
Philadelphia Record.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
American EnRIish,

We do not speak tne English IAN
guage In the way In which Ii Is spoken
by the people Of England. We have
greatly changed. enlarged and perhaps
improved 1t In our usual progressive
way. The wonder lies in the notion Of
Englishmen that their way Of speaking
the language Is the only way and that
our way Is wrong.-New York World.
The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1902-01-11
The DanlRh ac0f.

The chimney sweeper is the Danish
mascot You see him in gold or silver.
suspended on lady's watch chain. In
stead Of the "lucky pig" or horseshoe.
which is the English symbol Of good
and postcards. implying that your cor
respondent wishes you a rise In life
1t is the old fashioned sweep that is
thus depicted-he who had actually to
climb the chimney. his implements be
ing four foot ladder a short broom
aud q rope.