Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-07-31

ity|' Certainly; know barber who
has three little shavers. "-Ex.
Youngman-I wonder what's the best
| way to find out what woman thinks
of you? Henpeck- Marry her.-Phila-
delphia Press.
Dawson-Bjenks Is great believer
in fate. isn't he? Lawson-Yes. he has
to blame his incompetency on some
thing. Journal.
An Insinuation. Flora-Yes. sing in
church where they have an awfully
small congregation. DOra-Then why
don't you stop singing ?-Philadelph
Bulletin.
Mrs. Swellman-I dreamed last night
that l was with box party at the
opera. Mr.. Swellman-I wondered why
you were talking so loud in your sleep.
philadelphia Press.
Miss Eastside-That is lovely
gown. but haven't l seen it before?
Miss Westside-NO. l think not; have
only worn it at few smart affairs this
seasOn-TOwn and Country.
ut says here, Samanthy. tibet Rever-
end TOOgood was a saloon passenger
on the Majestic. Beats all how them
preachers do cut up when they git
away from Judge.
Arthur-Yes. think Minnie loves
me very much. She's dear girl; she
has large heart. Harry-A heart like
London omnibus; always room for
one mOre.-BOstOn Transcript.
Clergyman Qately come to parish)-
Your neighbor, Smith. says my SER
mons are rubbish. Farmer-Ah. We
needn't mind i'm. sir; 'e's mouth
piece for other fOlks.-Tit-Bits.
Flossie-I'm afraid. Bridget, that
mamma is dissatisfied with you.
Bridget Is she. now? Faith, thin,
she'll soon have chance to be dissat-
isfied wit somebody else!-Puck.
Inducements Held Out. Harriet
What shall l say in the advertisement
for cook? Harry-Well. say that we'll
take her with us to any summer resort
ST. may prefer.-Detroit Free Press.
Nothing to Show. what is your ma
tivity?" asked the magistrate. II amt
got any. y'r honor" said the blear-eyed
inebriate, feeling in his pockets; 1.-The
police took everything had."-Chicago
Tribune.
She-You wouldn't mind saying this
over again tomorrow. would you.
dearie? l am a member of the NJ. p.
D. c. Club. "Why. what does that
meanY moonlight proposals don't
count."-Life.
Convincing Proof: May-I had no
idea before last night that Mr.. Pitcher
was a man of such lofty ambitions ana
exalted ideals. Maud-How did you
come to find it out? Maybe proposed
to me.-BaZar.
Mother-There We're two apples IN
the cupboard. Tommy, and now there
is only one. How's that? Tommy (who
sees no way of escape)-Well. ma. 1t
was so dark in there l didn't see the
other one-Glasgow Evening Times.
Sure Test: "How can you tell real cut
glass from the imitation?" asked Mrs.
Gaswell. "You can't, always" said
Mr.. Gaswell, but when anybody offers
you a piece Of real cut glass for fifteen
cents, don't buy it."-Chicago Tribune.
"Will you please raise my salary?'
"Why, l gave you raise only last
week, because you told me that you
had your mother to support" Il know,
but my mother got married and now
have two to support. "-Ohio State Jour-
nal.
Farmer Gin cart-Hi, stop! Stop,
YOU fool. Don't you see my horse IS
running away? Driver of motor car
(hired by the hour)-Yes. it's all very
well for you to say stop but I've for
gotten how the blooming thing works!
Punch.
Bobbie-You know them preserves
out in tn pantry wot you told me not
to eat? Mother-Yes. Bobbie-You
know you said they'd make me sick If
ct 'em, didn't you? Mother-Yes.
Bobbie-Well. they didn't.-Ohio State
Journal.
belinda, your brother George tells
me that you were sitting on that little
Mr.. Thomkins' knees last evening. Is
it true?" Yes, papa; but I'm sure you
will forgive me. 1t was just one OF
those little moral lapses, you know
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Haddock-I met poor old Ruyns
creeping towards his office to-day, and
he complained bitterly of being all run
down this spring. Juddock defensive
ly)-Well. confound him. he had no
business getting in front Of an auto
mobile.-Harper's Bazaar.
The Floor Walker: First Clerk-POOr
Jim! 1t will be long time before he
gets another place. Second Clerk
Don't you believe it. Why, he got a
place as floor walker. First Clerk
You don't say so? Second Clerk-Yes;
he's got a new baby.-Judge.
Mr.. Williams (Fanny's admirer,--Is
your sistah going to the seaside this
summar, Tommy? TOmmy-That all
Jo.o.I, an Won I hoard ma .,, .