davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1902-02-06
Borrowed Mirth.

awake.
Diner: Isn't that rather small
steak?
Waiter; Yes, sir; but you IL find
it will take you a good while to
eat it.
We're in a pickle now, said
man in crowd. A regular jam,
said another. Heaven preserve
us! exclaimed an old lady.
Proud Father surveying his
new born); Don't you think he
looks like meY
Jealous Visitor: Yes poor little
thing.
johnson: Do you mean to insin-
uate that 1 can't tell the truth?
PARKINSON; BY no means. 1t is
impossible to say what a man can
do until he tries.
Clerk: Here is something very
fine madame 1t is the latest
thing out. Mrs. Boozer: Well if
there's anything out later than
my husband. I'll take it, if it's
only as curiosity.
Poet: Let me tell you sir, that
poem cost me a weeks hard la
Dor. Editor (Who had read it):
Is that all? If I'd have had the
passing of the sentence, you'd
have got a month.
She is such a gadabout, said
Mrs. O'Flaherty of her new SER
want. If yen believe me, Mrs.
O'Grady, that gyurl will go out of
the house twinty times for the
once that she'll come in it.
Uncle Joshua: 1 wanter git
some small bills for this fifty dol
lar note. Teller: What denomi-
nation? Uncle Joshua: I'm Bap-
tist, but l don't see as how that
ere's got anything ter do with it.
A mother who was blessed with
twin girls found them laughing
merrily one night. She inquired
what amused them so much? Oh,
replied Edith, you have given me
two baths and Alice none ata1.
Mrs. Boardem: How do you
find the chicken soup, Mr.. Board
er? Mr.. Boarder: have no diff.
ticulty in finding the soup, mad
am, but | am inclined to think
that the chicken will be able to
prove an alibi.
Milk is awful dear now, isn't
it? said the housewife to the dairy.
man. Yes, ma'am, was the reply,
it is ruther, but the milky way is
always high, y know. That may
be, said the woman; but it isn't
half water.
A little three-year-old girl, while
her mother was trying to get her
to sleep, became interested in
some noise. She was told that it
was eau: ed by a cricket, when
she sagely observed: Mamma,
think it ought to be oiled.
Where did you get that cake,
Annie? Mother gave it to me-
She's always a.giving you more'n
she does me. Never mind, Har-
ry; she's going to put mustard
plasters on US tonight, and I'll
ask.her to let you have the big
gest.
Smith; l don't like to make
any complaint to a neighbor, Mr..
Jones, but your dog kept up
terrible barking about all night.
Jones; Oh, that's all right; he is
used to it; won't hurt him a bit.
Kind of you to mention it, how
ever.
You may spell smallpox, Tom
my, said the teacher to one of the
juvenile class. Tommy made
several attempts but failed. Well,
said the teacher, what do you
think boy ought to get who fails
on simple word like smallpox?
He ought to get vaccinated, an
swered Tommy.
The professor, according to a
London newspaper, had taken a
few of his pupils TO the 700.
While the lions were being fed, |
he remarked TO the keeper, with .
a view TO his nunils' inStruction
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1902-02-06

The most reliable preparation
for kidney troubles ON the mar
ket is Foley's Kidney Cure. All
dealers.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1902-02-06
The Last Heard Of 1t.

my little boy took the crouI
one night and soon grew so bat
you could hear him breathe all ov
er the house." says f. d. Reyn
nolds, Mansfield, O. "We feared
he would die, but a few doses o.
One Minute Cough Cure quickly
relieved him and he went to sleep
That's the last we heard of the
Group. Now isn't a cough cure
like that valuable?" One Minute
Cough Cure is absolutely safe and
acts Immediately. For coughs
colds, Group, grip, bronchitis and
all other throat and lung troubles
it a certain cure. Very pleasant
to take. The little ones like it.
a Georgia darkey went out tc
an old field to 'seek and pray
1t was dusk, and he knelt down
and put up a long petition that
the angels would come and min
lister unto him.
Presently he heard a tapping OF
wings behind him, and in a sec
ond he was making race
horse time on the home road,
where he jumped into bed and
covered his head from sight.
Suddenly there was a loud
knocking at the door, and his
startled wife cried:
John, got up dar, fer de Laud
sake! De angles you been seekin
is come fer you!"
Lem stay dar, was the trem-
bling answer. ''Tell ,em throo'
de keyhole dat I amt got no
wings ter fly, en- ! too heavy ter
tote!-Atlanta Constitution.
Two brothers called at the home
of Joseph d. Kretsinger, near
Edgemont, a few days ago aud
asked for something to eat. Mrs.
Kretsinger took them into the
room to warm and went to the
kitchen to prepare Il meal for
them. After warming, they call
ed her into the room and inform
ed her that they were her two
brothers, Michael and William M.
Weller, Tiffin, o., whom she had
not seen for twenty-six years.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1902-02-06

Mothers can safely give Foley s
Honey and Tar to their children
for coughs and colds, for it con-
tains no opiates or other poisons.
All deaIers.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1902-02-06

Foley's Honey and Tar cures
the cough caused by attacks of la
grippe. 1t heals the lungs All
deals;s.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1902-02-06

A few weeks ago one of the
greatest Russian philanthropists
M. Slododowinkoff, died at Mos
COW. He left a fortune of 10000
600 rubles, of which he bequeath-
ed 100000 rubles to his two
adopted sons, while $4,000, 900
rubles were left for charitable
snd beneficial purposes. A Rus
sian contemporary says that the
multi-millionaire lived upon 5000
rubles year, and that he had
almost no requirements whatever
for himself.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1902-02-06
Clerks Wise Suggestion.

1 have lately been much troub-
led with dyspepsia, belching and
sour stomach, writes NJ. S. Mead
leading pharmacist of Attleboro,
Mass. 81 could eat hardly any
thing without suffering several
hours. My clerk suggested 1 try
Kodol Dyspepsia Cure which l
did with most happy results, I
have had no more trouble and
when one can go to eating mince
pie, cheese, candy and nuts after
such a time, their digestion must
be pretty good. l endorse Kodol
Dyspepsia Cure heartily" You
don t have to diet, Eat all the good
food you want but don't overload
the stomach. Kodol Dyspepsia
Cure digests your food.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28
WAS OUT OF DATE
Negro Rehuked For Uslng a last
Years Calculator"

Years Calculator"
l.. M. Cross of Tho Baptist Common
wealth, tells a story of q negro planta.
ton owner in South Carolina who. like
some other black cotton growers in
his district, had not always been get
ting fair deal when he took his crop
to a particular warehouse, where the
custom was to make calculations like
the following in quick, impres ye. bus.
tness-like tones:
-Four hundred pounds cotton at s
cents--six-teen dollars, Cashier,
give Sambo sixteen dollars!"
The grower wondered why although
getting fair price per pound for his
cotton, large crop had such small
monetary returns when all gathered
and shipped. An itfnerant pedler sold
him a lightning calculator" in the
form of some computed examples of
multiplication often employed in ev
eryday commerce; and the negro mas
tered its principles. When next he
delivered lead. he heard:
-Four hundred pounds cotton at &
cents-twen-ty-fou dollars. Cash.
Ter, give Sambo twen-ty-four dollars"
But Sambo had consulted his tables
and protested
''Look-a-heah. sab, 1 find by this
kalkilator dat it mounts to ft'.eight
dollars, sah!"
The weigher strobe forward, pulled
the Calculator" from the darkey.s
hand, examined it for moment, and
then, with lock of disgust, threw 1t
in corner, exclaiming:
You ought to be ashamed. Sambo-
ashamed! That's last years calcula-
tor, and is no good now!'
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

The minuteness of some of the
screws made in a watch factory may
he measured by the statement that it
takes nearly 10000 of a certain kind
to weigh a pound. Under the micro
scope they appear in their true charac
ter-perfectly finished bolts. The
pivot of the balance wheel is only
one two-hundredths Of an inch in
diameter, and the gauge with which
pivots are classified measures to the
ten thousandth part of an inch. Each
jewel hole into which a pivot fits is
about one five-th ~usandth of an inch
larger than the pivot to permit suffi
c;ent play. The finest screw for
small-sized watch has thread of 200
to the inch and weighs one one-hun.
dred and tairty thousandths of
pound. Jewel slabs OF sapphire, ruby
CIR garnet are first sawed into slabs
one-fiftieth of an inch thick, and are
shellacked to plates so that they may
be surfaced. Then the individual
Jewels are sawn or broken off, drilled
through the center, and a depression
made in the convex side for an oil
cup. A pallet jewel weighs one one
hundredth and fifty-thOusandths of
pound a roller jewel a little more
than one two-hundred and fifty-siX
thousandths. The largest round hair.
spring stud is four-hundredths of an
inch in diameter and about nine-hun
dredths of an inch in length.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28
THE cATAcoMRs OF ROME.
important Historical Discoveries Be.
ing Made There.

important Historical Discoveries Be.
ing Made There.
Discoveries of the first importance
to the students of the evidences of
Christianity and to archiaeologists are
confidently looked for from the con-
tinued exploration of the Catacombs
of Rome. OF the forty-five cemeteries
known to have existed, only five have
been made accessible to visitors. The
principal catacombs. those on the APP
pia, Nomentana, Salaria and Ardea
tina, although open, gre not yet thor
oughly explored. Thee | being of vol
canic origin, is t.ap seft to be utilized
for building purposes, but it is of suf-
fcient consistency to enable eXcava-
tons to be prosecuted without the aid
of supports. Until the ninth century
the catacombs were places of pilgrim
age, but from then until the nine
teenth they were neglected. The en-
frances became blocked and almost
all the sites were lost sight of. 1t is
computed that fully 100000 of bodies
lie buried in the Roman catacombS, or
more than double the number that are
inferred in the catacombs of Paris.
The most ancient of all known cata-
combs are those of the Theban kings,
which are over 1000 years old.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28
Loves Debt.

God help us! for the flesh is weak;
Times shadows dim the sight,
And we forget
That tasks are set
We needs must do Alright.
God help us! for we laugh and weep
And drift on easy tide,
And scarcely know
The hours that go
Are meant for aught beside.
God help us! for the wealth of days,
The golden string of hours,
Is treasure loaned.
ChristS blood atOned
For sins we know ours,
But, shall we ransomed stand, unstained
If needless of our trust,
The days go by
AS breathS that die,
LIES gold be turned to dust?
God help us! life is given for work.
Naught else the needs suffice;
For noble zeal
To bind and heal;
For service, sacrifice;
For weaving while the day is ours,
For smoothing life's rough way!
If we forget
To pay loves debt
Who will our ransom pay?
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28
MR.. MoReAN's HUGE FEES.
How They Compare With Those Of
Some Forty Years AGO.

SS'S wy Sa'o NSO'
Jay Cooke, one of the greatest OF
American financiers, negotiated near
ly all of the immense loans issued by
the United States government during
the civil war. The banking firm of
which he was the head handled over
$4,000, 100000 for the government, and
its profits, it is said. did not exceed
100000. What would have been j. p
Morgan's profits if that astute finan.
ment to float series of loans amount.
ing to $2,000,000, 200? 1t has been
stated that Mr.. Morgan received about
500, 900 for financing the United
States Steel Corporation with capita
of about 81 100000 900. In another tran
saction his profit on a $1,000 ,00C
transaction was estimated at $4,000.
600. Either Mr.. Morgan has cause tc
be astounded at Mr. Cookies modera
expressing establishment at the very
high value which Mr.. Morgan placer
upon his services. If MIR. Morgan hal
financed the steel company at the
same rates at which Mr.. Cooke han
died the governments loans during the
civil war he would have received only
$4,000 for his share in the transac-
ton. On the other hand, if the gov
eminent had paid Mr.. Cooke as hand
somely for his services as Mr.. Morgan
is reported to have been paid by the
steel company, Mr.. Cooke would have
Melted nearly $150,000, 900.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28
Turkeys as Star Witnesses.

A modern Solomon's Judgment, ap-
proved by flock of turkeys, after the
decision had been referred for final
adjudication to the latter, has just
come from Lower Providence town
ship. The flock of birds in question
had strayed from their own farm
home, as turkeys will, and had been
cooped up by the distant neighbor on
whose fence rails they roasted.
A warrant. a trial before a justice
Of the peace and a proposition from
the real owner to let the birds settle
the question for themselves, prevailed.
I'll forfeit the lot if they don't go
home" proposed the owner.
And so you SHALL responded the
Justice. Turn them loose"
The liberated turkeys, as II they
Appreciated the weight of their new
legal responsibility, went in a bee
line to their home roosts, and Judg-
ment was entered for the plaintiff
Philadelphia Record.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28
FEMALE WEAkNEss cuREp.

l was troubled with severe female
weakness for over six months. 1 was
treated by six very prominent physi-
clans without any marked benefit. My
last doctor was skilled specialist,
and he told me the only hope lay in
an operation. heard of Smiths Sure
Kidney Cure, and after using it for one
month l find myself cured, and even
the doctor who last treated me now
pronounces me well.
Mrs. J. r. FAVER, Atlanta, Ga.
Price so cents. For sale by all drug
gists.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28
ONE OF RoosgvgLr,s STORIES
Presidents Parable On the Abuse Of
"Independencc."

Presidents Parable On the Abuse OF
"independence."
President Roosevelt is said to chafe
occasionally under the praise heaped
upon him for his independence"
which some persons, he asserts, seem
to think is without social, ethical or
political limitations A politician who
once approached him to urge the Pres
idents aid in a very radical measure
harped upon the fact that the people
would stand for the results out of
sheer admiration for his "indepen-
dence."
You appear to think" replied
Roosevelt, that man can be unre-
strictedly independent in every depart
ment of life. So do many others I
meet from day to day Somehow, they
always remind me of a certain am
bilious Celt, who thinking personal in
dependence a grand and glorious thing,
determined to stamp his belief on the
entire world. He selected the crowded
public square in his native town for
the demonstration, stepped to the mid
die, threw hat and coat violently to the
ground and, as he jumped on them,
ioared that all might hear:
p" Everybody! Everybody
"The throng surged to where he
stood, attracted by the shouts and
eagerly curious to learn the reason.
When he had made himself the center
of attraction, he went on to declare
himself.
Everybody he roared again
Everybody can go to the devil!'"
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Thousandsof people have catarrh who
would be surprised to know it, because
it has been called some other name than
catarrh. The fact is catarrh is catarrh
wherever located; and another fact
which is of equally great Importance. is
that Peruna cures catarrh wherever
located.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28
WIEN YOUR GROCER SAYS

may be sure he is afraid to keep it until
his stock of IL o. packages are Sold De-
fiance Starch is not only better than any
other Cold Water Starch, but contains 16
OF. to the package and sells for same
money as II OF. brands.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

You never hear any one complain
about Defiance Starch" There is
none to equal it in quality and guam
tity, 16 ounces, 10 cents. Try it now
and save your money.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Hundreds of dealers say the extra
quantity and superior quality of Def
ance Starch is fast taking place of
all other brands. Others say they
cannot sell any other starch.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28
Must Have Red Ink.

Henry Sienkiewicz, the author of
"Quo Vadis," has a somewhat peculiar
habit He invariably uses red ink
when writing his manuscripts and can
not be induced to use ink of any other
color.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

One-tenth of the inhabitants of the
Enage of Long Marston, in Hartford
Rir England, are said by Stats
p to have reached the age of 80
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

The first time Mr.. and Mrs. Henry
Kettles of st. Louis ever faced 8
camera was when they celebrated
their golden wedding last week ant
sat for their photographs to a news
paper artist
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Bishop Hall of Vermont has author
lied prayer. for use in the churches
of the diocese in behalf of the state
legislature, as none is provided for
that body in the prayer book.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Alderman Manton, of Birmingham,
England. who is now n his ninety
Fourth year. has been a llember of the
sy council for half CENTURY.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Remember, you only see from your
point of view. Get the opinion Oh
your fellow men. Don't be arbitrary
and conceited.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Frequently it is in order to make
suggestions, at other times it is any
thing but a good idea
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Some men seemingly abhor cobwebs
SO much that they clear them out of
their threats.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Builds up the system; puts pure, rich
blood in the veins; makes men and women
strong and healthy. Burdock Blood Bitters.
at any drLss store.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Don't fret over little mistakes. They
are bound to occur. The man is not
pet born who can avoid them. His
INA is dead, too
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

"YoC want $50 for that old suit?"
asked the second-handed dealer; why
It is full of dust" Yes, but it is coal
dust" responded the thrifty house
:. s. 49, aiphia Recc-h. -
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Defiance Starch is guaranteed big
gest and best or money refunded. 16
ounces, 10 cents. Try it now.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Mrs. WinsIow's Soothing Syrup
For children teethnR, softens the gums, reduces In
Examination, alays pain cures wind collie. CSC bottle
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

81 suffered for months from sore throat
Eclectric Oil cured me in twenty-four
hours."-M. S. Gist, Hawesville, Ky.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

A successful salesman induces Gus
toners to purchase what they are not
in need of
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

FITS Permanently Cured. ats nervousness after
days of Dr.. Kline's Great Nerve Restorer.
Bend for FREE $500 trial bottle and trearise.
r. H KLINE. Ltd 9Sl Arch ST.. Philadelphia
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Three hot literary suppers are
scheduled to come off soon. The lit
erary committee is now in the swamp,
hunting the possuyhs for 'em.-Atlan-
ia Constitut--'~s%
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Blowers Of fragrance or any other
find are pleasing to the numerous
fembers OF the human family who adj
FIRE purity and beauty.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

the
of
the mperorh a text
n
The Peruna Medicine Co., Columbus Ohio
henorrhages q
all deSpaired took Peruna
healthy, Increased
weight healthy feel
medicine world Peruna the house
would from death '--H STUBENVOLL
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

If you do not derive prompt and salts
factory results from the use of Peruna,
write at once to DIR. Hartman, giving a
full sta tement of your case and he will
be pleased to give you his valuable adj
vice gratis.
Address DIR. Hartman; President of
The Hartman Sanitarium, Columbus, o.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

When there are several wills there
should be several ways.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Few of us are too lazy to work on
the sympathy of our friends.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

If you were more considerate you
would be almost a stranger to preju
dice.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

The bumblebee looks pretty, but cut
him out.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

The grindstone of adversely is what
makes a man sharp.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

1t doesn't take an athlete to jump
at conclusions.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

1t would be better at times to know
not SO much.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28
WHY 1T Is THE BEST

Is because made by an entirely different
process. Defiance Starch is unlike any
other better and one-thiru more for 10
cents.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Be all things to all men after you
have been true to yourself. That set
ties the first condition.
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

When fellow handles counterfeit
money it makes him feel queer
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Stops the Cough and
Works Off the Cold
xative Brono Quinine Tablets. Price $50
The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1902-11-28

Everybody he roared again
Every body can go to the devil!'"
The evening Republican., 1902-06-21
To Pay Weisbach Bill

An order will be drawn to pay the
Welsbach Lighting Company Of
America for the light furnished the
city during the timd that the light
agitation was going on, at the next
meeting Of the Street aud Sewer Di.
rectors.
This is in accordance with an opin.
ion OF City Solicitor d. J. Rsinh ardt
who believes that the city is respon.
sible for the amount and should pay
the bill. 1t is not known whether
any action will be taken toward stop
ping the payment. Sometime ago
there was talk of injunction proceed.
ings II the city attempted to pay the
company under the contract which
the city solicitor had previously de-
clarcd to be illegal, but as the con.
tract was awarded to another com.
pany and this phase has bsen settled
1t is not likely that any efforts will
be made to stop the payment of the