The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-08-23
ALIcE's IDYLL OF OYSTER BAY
The Satirist Guides Girl Who Visited
Wonderland.
(New York SUM-

tNeW AOrk sum-
Come. Alice, let me show you the
presidents normal life on vacation ex-
cites more than a gubbIechub. 1t is
/ pretty station. Mosquitoes meet all
trains, separating the leather skinned
from the edible. Are these the pirates
of Oyster Bay? Quite so. Each is
captain of q one-horse rig which viii
sail you TO Sycamore hill. They are
the recrudescence of the Niagara Falls
/ hackman. Let US submit TO their ex-
tortions, driving slowly through the viii
lage that we may see the outer fringe
of life here.
See the man in the quack, quack
trousers screaming as he runs to the
telegraph Office. What is he saying?
| Quentin has thrown his father over
the fence" 1t will be told to New
York in red ink on the fudge page.
But stay, another man halts him.
/ He, too, has news that is worthy of
the eolored inks. Yes, it is as We
! feared The president has changed
| his policy. This morning. it Seems,
he used sand sudspOliO in the bath He
tubbed this afternoon with Spares.
He can't float il" cries the indig-
nant statesman.
Let us move on. How green the
hedges and lawns that skirt the way
TO Sycamore hill. Is there a secret
service man behind each blade of
grass? My. There comes the lawn
mowerI Run, menI
Here is the private lane of the
Roosevelt estate History is making
under that roof, beneath the shade of
these trees and from the float near the
bath house hard by. Where will the
great Littlefield conference be held in
August month? On the sound? Mostly
H. !,
ing? Hardly. Octopi run close to
shore in these waters. He will need
all his arms and legs for gestures in
next congress.
Observe that tree. Standing beneath
il, we are told, the president told Sec
rotary Root the best bait for gubble-
clubs. Is the octopus a fry or a
broiler? We must wait for the next
annual report of the secretary OF war
The children have found a new game
TO Fay on the barn top. The flying
man with camera, streaming behind
him has learned the game, TOO, and
soon the cables viii be warm with it.
Frying the friars" is played with a
lukewarm egg and a dull thimble. 1t
is a delicate game.
Behind the bushes over there the
president told Senator McLaurin who
will get the dead mans shoes in the
feet, yet they can be stepped on.
Seven fat jobs are growing over in
the garden. That is the Panama canal
commission plant. Will our friend
Jones pluck one? He may, If he will
make the secret pact which the presi-
dent demands. He must vote to re-
tire the Panama hat from the fashion
book next summer. That is the main
purpose of this Panama commission.
al
over the grass. He has a definition
1t is smoothness without oil. Men feel
his JUNCTION, but their hands are dry
II Mr.. Deyery were here he'd call Mr.
Cortelyou the goods" He has come
out to talk TO the reporters. Has Kir-
met flung the groom into the sky? Does
the cook use yeast or baking powder?
Is the sugar which the president feeds
the saddler Bleistein beet cane or bo-
gusF Who sleeps in the oyster beds?
If we could look into the house we
might see the president lighting a
cigar Is il from the box which Leon
ard Wood sent him or the present from
the chief of police of Havana? 1t
would not be ethical to examine the
box. Be assured there is no Bingham
ton brand on it.
The man wringing his hands behind
the hedge is a photographer He did
not catch the president in bathing The
William Gillette is showing him the re-
/! turn route.
How thoughtless of the president to
play tennis when there is a postmaster
to be named in Four Bears Does he
know that Chinese laundry trust has
advanced the price on plated shirts
right here in Oyster Bay? Do plaits
plead in vain?
You forget that ne is booked to speak
at three New England fairs on his next
trip, fearsOTne trial, which calls for
a study of hegemonic things.
Let US leave him alone with the syno-
nyms. Another day we may return
to calculate how many tucks make a
blouse for Archie.
IL