Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1902-11-12
AMENDED OBITUARIES.

In tho current number of Harper'S w eek
Wand nesting right among the adver-
,isements. too-there appears card from
Mark Twain entitled Amended Obitua-
ries" The name of the humorist alone.
not to speak OF the weird portrait Of him
SELF which purports to be product OF
Marks own hand, is sufficient to attract
attention. But the reading matter is the
strongest of ALL and for a second, just
fceting second, one is inclined to take
it seriously.
Mark, to begin with, announces that
he is approaching 20, and that it is time
for him to be getting ready for his disso-
luton. He says he wishes. while yet the
time is ripe, to set his worldly house IN
order and thereby avoid the confusion
which sometimes arises from the lnanlilty
of the notary and the ecclesiasuc to work
together 'harmoniously.
In settling his mundane affairs he finds
it necessary to attend in person to one
or two matters which men in his posi-
ton usually leave to others-though often
with consequences most regrettable- one
of these matters is his obituaries. Ana
in this connection he adds:
..Of necessity, an obituary is thing
which cannot be SO judiciously edited by
any hand as by that Of the subject of
it. In such a work it is not the facts that
are Of Chief Importance. but the hight
which the obituarist shall throw upon
them, the meanings which he shall dress
them in. the conclusions Whlcn ne shali
draw from them, and the judgments
which he shall deliver upon them. The
verdicts you understand; that is the
danger-line."
In consideration of the facts stated,
Mark asks the press for the privilege OF
editing-not their facts but their YER
diets Nor does he do this for present
profit but "as favorable influence usa-
Bile on the other side" where there are
some not friendly to him. After this
frank and altogether plausible explana-
ton, the jocund Clemens boldly requests
such newspapers and periodicals as have
obituaries of him lying in their pigeon
holes, with a view to future use, to print
them now and send him marked copies
of the puhlicatio He promises that he
will not NEEDLE with the facts, but only
with the verdicts, and that even as to
the latter he will merely strike out suc-i
clauses as could have a delete
rious influence on the Other Side. Mark
declares he will pay double rates for
omissions or substitutions. and quadru-
pie rates for obituaries needing no emen-
dations at all In concluding, the humor-
list adds:
up. S.-For the best obituary-one suit
able for me to read in public, and cal
culated to inspire regret-l desire to offer
a prize, consisting of a portrait of me
done entirely by myself in pen and ink
without previous instruction. The ink
warranted to be the kind used by the
very best artists
We are sorry that Mark Twain has even
reminded us of the fact that he is getting
old, and are still more regretfu that he
wishes to talk shop with US. But now
that the delicate subject of obituaries
has been preached, this much we can
say with perfect conlplacency-that we
believe the '.post-obit'' Twain stuff In
our pigeon-hole, both as to the facts and
the verdict is a prlZe-Wlnner tndI VIII
capture the pen sketch offered
And since Mark has let slip a little
secret of our profession, we can at least
placate the aggrieved public by explaining
that our prearranged obituary matter at
least has one virtue-it eSchews medic
Gritty. One must be truly great or truly
villainous to get in the piseon-hole de-
scribed by the fumorist. In this connec-
ton, too, we might say that our yer
diets" however false our deductions may
be. at least are very charitable.
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Mr.. Morgan will have to be particular