davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
A NARROWING RIDE.
Dickens Trip by stnxccoucll From
llcxelnn1l To Su,lalunlx

dickens Irtp by StNKecOuck from
cleveland to- snndusky.
When Charles Dickens visited Amer
;ca In 1912, he travelled by stagecoach
from Cleveland to Sandusky. .. De-
scribing his experience he wrote:
AT one time we were all thrown to-
gether in IL heap at the bottom of the
coach, and at another we were crush-
ing our heads against the roof Now
the conch was lying on the tails of the
two wheelers, and now it was rearing
up in the air. The driver, who certain
ly got over the ground in manner
quite miraculous, SO twisted and turn
ed the team in forcing IL passage cork
screw fashion through the bogs and
swamps that 1t was a common circum-
stance OH looking out of the window to
see the coachmnn with the ends Of u
pair Of reins in his hands. apparently
driving nothing. and the leaders star
ing unexpectedly ut one from the back
Of the coach, as If they had some idea
of getting up behind.
a great portion of the way was over
what is called Il corduroy road which
is made by throwing trunks of trees
into II marsh and leaving them to set
tie there. The very slightest of the
jOlts with which the pondcrous car
riage fell from log to log was enough,
1t seemed, to have dislocated all the
bones in the human body. 1t would be
impossible to experience similar set
of sensations in any other circum-
stances unless perhaps In attempting
to go up to the top of st. Pauls in an
omnibus"
This description serves to Illustrate
the condition of our country roads, gen
orally speaking, as they were half a
century ago except in few wealthy
communities. There has been Won
derful change since then.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
a Queer vranAuc,ion,

Sir Arthur Sullivan discovered ut
Melltc Carlo che time that certain res
iaul%nt proprictors had Il way of reg
ulatins their charges with the appear
ancc and standing OF their customers
When lunching alone. Sin. Arthur was
In the habit of frequenting one partic-
t.lar place where he knew to IL centime
what the prices We're.
One day there sat ut the table adjoin-
Ing his own a wealthy Russian noble
man. Upon asking for his bill the
composer found that the prices were
eNorbitantly high. He sent for the
proprietor aud demanded an explana-
ton.
The man, an Italian, recognized Sir
Arthur as an influential client and
was profuse in his apologies. He eX-
planned that the mistake lay with the
cashier. Going over the items to which
exception was taken. the proprietor
said: ".rhc convert take him off di-
rcctly, and the butter charge him to
the grand duke. He not notice it,"
The idea of charging to the grand
duke an item against whose extortion-
ate price another customer protested
always struck the great composer as a
decidedly humorous way of getting out
Of the difficulty.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
The Nest Of the 1xtnrs.ber

Our American belted alcyon, or COM
mon kingtSher. is an expert hole borcr.
There is scarcely II clayey bank alon,,
the streams of our middle and south
ern states but has its face cut by the
door of one Of these gloomy looking
houses.
The hole is usually quite round and
goes directly into the bank, with u
slight upward slant to distance of
from two to four feet, where it turns
nearly ut right angles to one side or
the other, ending in large jug shaped
pocket, where the eggs are laid. The
kingfisher Is my most cheerful COM
panion when ] am out for days or u
weeks angling. 1t is an ever fresh de-
light to watch him swooping down into
the clear brook water with melodious
plunge and coming forth sparkling like
fake from n blue sea wave or Il frug-
ment of turquoise. He rarely fails to
catch the minnow he strikes ut, but his
appetite is unremitting and Unsuitable.
He eats from morning till night
Maurice Thompson.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
NAPOLEON Got III. sn.nk,nu.

During his exile Mt Elba Napoleon
related that one day his mothers
mother was hobbling along the street
in Ajaccio, Corsicu, and that lie and
his sister Pauline followed the old
lady and mmickcd her. Their grand
mother, happening to turn, caught
them in the act She complained to
Mime. Letitin. Pauline was mt once
Spanked" and disposed of. Napoleon,
who was out in rcgimentals. could not
be handled. His mother bidcd her
time. Next day, when her.son was off
his guard, she cried: "Quicli. Nnpo-
leon. You are invited to dine with the
governor" lie ran up tothis room to
change his clothing. She quietly fol-
lowed and when she Judged that the
proper time hnd come rushed into the
room, seized her undrcssed hero before
he guessed her purpose. laid himacross
the maternal knee and belaborctl him
earnestly With the flat,of her hand.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
Ancient sky.crnpcrs.

Numerous conflicting estimates have
been made of the height of the tower
of Babel, but one fact never has been
denied and that is that it was a sky
scraper. ST. jerome in his commen-
tary on Isaiah says that the tower
was already 1000 PAGES high when
God came down to stop the work. A
pace Is about two and one-half feet; );
therefore 1000 PAGES must be 10000
feet consequently Babel was twenty
times as high as the pyramids (Which
nre only about 500 feet). Father Cal
met says the tower was $1,000 feet
high and that the languages We're con-
founded because the architects were
confoundcd, as they did not know how
to bring the building to IL head. More
over, 1t is understood that the Chinese
language of today was originally the
same language as the high German.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
Taking Him mt His Word.

Joseph Jefferson In his biography
relates what was probably the last jest
of .Artemus Ward. When the famous
wit lay dying iii Southampton, he was
attended by his devoted friend Tom
Robertson, the author of "Caste," who
was also II friend of Jefferson.
Just before Wards DEATH" writes
Mr.. Jefferson, Robertson poured out
some medicine in u glass and offered
1t to his friend.
"Ward said:
"'My dear Tom, 1 can't take that
dreadful stuff
Come, come said Robertson, urg-
ing him to swallow the nauseous drug.
There's IL good fellow. Do, now, for
my sake. You know would.do any
thing for you.'
"Would YOU? snid Ward, feebly
stretching out his hand to grasp his
friends, perhaps for the last time.
81 would indeed said Robertson.
Then you take it, said Ward.
"rhc humorist passed away n .few
hours later"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
A ROYAL Rond 70 wealth,

When certain late shah of Persia
became temporarily embarrassed for
money, he had quite unique method
of filling his purse. He would go to
the market, where, after examining
the shops, he would select one and,
turning to the proprietor woNld say,
"Will you take me in as Il partner i'll
your business for the day!' The of
fer was, of course, eagerly accepted.
The shah would take his seat near the
shop entrance and say to his courticrs,
whom he always took with him on
these occasions: "Now, I'm salesman.
Who'll buy!' The latter, not daring to
refuse the offers of the royal mcr-
chant, set about clearing the shop of
Its contents, paying sometimes 100 for
goods That We're not worth f1O. No
one was allowed to beat down prices
or to leave the place without making
purchases. When everything was sold.
the shah had Il list of the cost price Of
each article made out and loyalty
shared with the shopkceper the
amount Of the profit realized.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
The Singing NIouse.

The power of song among the brute
creation has SO long been associated
in our minds with the feathercd tribe
alone that we do not think of it as be-
longing to any four footed animals.
Yet there is a mouse that sings-why,
nobody knows. 1t is Il small animal,
with very large ears, which arc moved
about much while singing, as If that
Were necessary to the success of the
vocal performance. The song is not,
as you think, prolonged squeak with
variations, but succession Of clear,
warbling notes, with trills, not unlike
the song of a canary, and quite as
beautiful, though some of the notes
are much lower. One great popularity
is a sort of double song, an air with
accompaniment quite subdued. Upon
first hearing this one believes that he
is listening to more than one mouse,
SO perfect is the illusion.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
Cool Garden SPOTS.

A glacier when it dislodges itself
and sails away over the Arctic ocean
never travels alone. In the wake of
every large one floats line of smaller
companions.
The Eskimos call this phenomenon
'the duck and ducklings," and any
one who has watched the progress of
the elder duck followed by her brood
will appreciate the aptitude of the
name
Strange as 1T may seem. plants grow
and blossom upon these great ice
mountains When IL glacier is Mt rest,
moss attaches itself to it, protecting
the ice beneath, just as sawdust does.
After Il time the moss decays and
forms soil, in which the seeds of
buttercups and dandelions, brought by
the wind take root and flourish.
Those who have Travelled in arctic
lands say they have found no point
yet where the poppy does not bloom
during the brief northern summer.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
RICHARD WILLIAM VAUGHAN
The First English Esnls rorser and
the story of Ills Fall.

the story of Ills Fall.
The story of the first bank forger,
Richard William Vaughan. is little
Stafford lawyer and became clerk to a
sslicitor in London. lie wished to
marry his masters daughter and prom
iscd to produce the sum OF f1,OOO,
which, he said, his mother would pre-
sent to him, half Of 1t to be settled on
his Wife. On these terms the father
consented to the marriage, and Vaughan
obtained Il months leave of absence.
He occupied this period in obtaining
engraved impressions in imitation of
twenty pound Bank of England notes,
which WAS not such Il difficult matter
then, such things as forged notes be
ing unknown. With fifty of these
sham notes he presented himself at the
appointed time, and his fancee accept
cd her share i'll perfect good faith, and
the marriage prepara tiolls were pro-
ccedcd with.
Unfortunately he wanted ready mon
ey and put Two of his own forged
notes into circulation. They We're ch;ll-
lcnged, when he became alarmed and
tried to get back the notes he had
given to the young lady, but she re-
fused To yield them up, suspecting
nothing of their true nature, and when
Vaughan was arrested next day she
would hardly believe even then that
She had been deceived
The forger was tried at the Old Bal
ley on the 9TH of April, 175S, spending
what was to have been his wedding
day In the condemned cell. Four days
later lie was hanged at Tybmn.-Lon-
don Standard.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
The skin.

Bathing to many persons is a term
cmbodying an expenditure of time and
considerable trouble. 1t is probably
because they do not cleanse the skin
until it gives visible signs of it's needs
Now, the skin is evcrlastingly throw
Ing off impurities which you cannot
always see with the naked eye, but
which will be READILY found in the APP
pearance of the bath water even when
one bathes each day. When you can
wear Il white collar Il few hours with
out marring it's spotlessness where it
comes in contact with the skin, you
may have some excuse for thinking
that you are perfectly clean and not
before. The neatest person ever saw
could not boast Of such an achieve
ment, for the thing is we'll nigh i'm
possible. Nature has provided the
pores for drainage purposes, and in
health they work without ceasing.-
Boston Traveller.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06

When Austria was only Il dukedom,
there We're three rulers who Won for
themselves the respective titles Cath
Ollie" GLORIOUS" and "Warlilie" The
first was perhaps II religious man, like
Ferdinand the Catholic of Spain. The
second may have been like Lorenzo the
Magnificent and the third Il great war
rior. And SO from these titles or nick
names we have likewise some idea of
the conditions of the people while
these dukes ruled.
France has had most wonderful as
sortncnt of kings One was the Little
and another the Bold. One was the
Stammcrer, another Simple, while n
third and fourth We're lntlolent and
Fair. These names are descriptive of
the kings themselves, but it is hardly
to be supposed that king who was In
dolent or simple did much to further
the interests of his subjects. But when
we find Robert III. called the Sage, we
realize that he ruled wisely and that
the people We're better off for it,
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
Two Thing. That scnre "a Negro.

Two seemingly harmless things ex-
cite the fear of the southern negro.
One is the cracking of the finger joints;
the other is to be stepped over us he
lies prone upon the ground. The crack
Ing Of the finger joints seems to sug-
gest to the negro Imagination the rat
tling OF Il skeletons bones, while to be
stepped over is regarded as likely to
bring bad luck to grown folks and to
check the growth of children. A half
grown negro boy will stcrnly COM
mand playfellow who has stepped
over his body to step back in order
that the spell may be removed.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
speak Kindly Word. Now,

In the course of our lives there must
be many times when thoughtless
words are spoken by us which wound
the hearts of others, and there are also
many little occasions when the word
of cheer is needed from us and we are
silent.
There are lives of wearisome monot-
ony which word of kindness can re-
lievc. There is suffering which words
of sympathy can make more endura-
bic. and often even to the midst of
wealth and luxury there are those who
listen and long In vain for some express
sion of dislntcrcstcd kindness.
Speak to those while they can hear
and bc helped by you. for the day may
come when all our expressions of love
and appreciation may be unheard. I'm
agine yourself standing beside their
last resting place. Think OF the things
you could have said of them and to
them while they were yet living. Then
go and tell them w.-Exchange.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
Crusoe Kent t:ond Friday

There was once Il woman in Albany,
prudent and cautious about the litcrl-
turc read by her children, who APP
pcalcd to Bishop Doane for advice and
instruction In the matter. They con-
sidcred and discussed many Juvenile
books, the bishop either approving or
condemning them as they came up for
Judgment, until finally "Robinson Cru
soc" was named
"Do YOU think 1t suitable for my
Tommy" asked the woman.
'Oh, yes" replied the bishop "It is
quite Il harmless narrative and has
pleased boys for ages. Besides, you
know, there is some reason to believe
Robinson Crusoe was an Episcopali-
an" And the bishops eyes twinkled.
'Indeed! exclaimed Tommy's moth
cr. why, never knew That
Yes" continued the bishop; "you
will remember that he kept good Fri
(l;ly."
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
Picking Village Names.

'"rhe Street of the Roasted Corn" Is
one of the curious names of streets in
PeEing and suggests the singular and
often confusing names given to Chi
nese villages. Here are few village
names taken from an area of few
miles square: Horse Words Village" !"
from a tradition of speaking animal;
Sun Family Bull Village" Wang
Family Great Melon Village" '"riger
Catching Village" Horse Without n
Hoof Village" Village of the Loving
and Benevolent Magistrate" and the
"Village Of the Makers OF Fine Tooth
ed Combs"
Arthur III. Smith In his book OH "Vil-
lagc Life In China" says that market
town OH the highway, the we'll of
which afforded only brackish water,
was called Bitter Water Shop" but
as this name was not pleasing to the
eur it was changed OH the Tux lists to
Sweet Voter Shop" If any one asked
how 1t was that the same fountain
could thus send forth ut the same time
waters both bitter and sweet, he was
answered. Sweet Water Shop Is the
same as Bitter Water Shop"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
Her Sentiments.

1t is related Of n Clergyman who was
the father OF a charming and beauti-
full daughter that one day while pre-
pairing his Sunday sermon he was sud
denly called away from his desk on Al
mission of mercy. The sentence at
which he left off was this: II never see
a young man of splendid physique and
the promise of glorious manhood al
most realized but my heart is filled
with rapture and delight"
His daughter, happening to enter the
study saw the sermon and read the
words. Sitting down, she wrote under
meath. MY sentiments, papa, exact
ly -,
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
WITTY Members of rnrlinmcnt.

Charles James FOX once made re-
marks on government gunpowdcr iii
the house of commons which Adams,
another member. thought offensive to
the ministry, and the two met, as even
wise men did in those days. to shoot
one another. Fox refused to fire. de
claring he had no quarrel but Adams
aimed and shot, slightly wounding his
adversary. When it was over, the two
shook hands, and Fox was happy
enough to say, You'd have killed me,
Adams, if it had not been government
powders"
Other men there have been who would
not sit through Il speech for the gov
crnmcnt's sake much less fight duel.
whats going" somebody asked IL
member of parliament when IL minister
had got up to speak. The NJ. r., hur-
rying on, said, 81 am" The story re-
calls one of Lord Erskine, who was
stopped IN the lobby with the question,
"Who's up" "Windham," said Err
skine, and the other asked. whats he
on? Ills legs" replied the witty
lawyer.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
Economical.

There is rcminiscence of Caleb Bal
derstone in the utterancc of an econom-
ical Scotch butler who was lately wait
Ing Mt an important dinner He had
taken round plate of beef In vain.
After his last effort at persuasion had
failed he set 1t down In front Of his
master with decision. "Ye muun TAX
that yersel'." he said. II Gamma get
any ither customer for it."
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
Old Rules For Night Policemen


Old Boston is vividly brought to
mind by the following excerpt from
the selcctmen's minutes, dated Nov. 1,
1863, containing instructions to watch
men:
I'm going the rounds care must be
taken that the w;tchmen are not noisy,
but behave themselves with strict de-
corum, that they frequently give the
time of the night and what the wealth
er is with :: distinct but moderate
Voice. cNccl. ling at times when 1t is
necessary To pass, in silence in order to
detect and secure persons that are out
OIL unlawful sc ions
"You and Your division must en-
dcavor to suppress all routs, riots and
other disorders that may be committed
i'll the night nnd secure such persons
as may he guilty, that proper steps
may be taken next morning for Il
prosecution as the law directs. We alb
solM;cly forbid your taking private
satisfaction or amy bribe that may be
offered YOU to let such go or to conceal
their otfense from the selectncn."
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
How 1t unDpcncd.


Ut was kinder funny that is, over
loolSin' the seriousness of it," said the
landlord of the pettyvillc tavern. "You
sec, Miss Babriella Lanks, who has
not mcanin' any disrcspect to her, you
undcrstand-bcen an old maid so long
that it's generally believed to be chron-
ic, approached the railroad crossin'
and Il brakeman waved IL red flag at
her to warn her OF the danger. She
thought he was tryin' to flirt with hel
and advanced toward him with n smile
and caboosc that was baclsin w
struck her good and plenty. Luckily
no bones were broken, and the first
thing she said when she recovered con.
sciousness was oh, this is so suddcnv"
Smart Set
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
Painless Deaths.

Probably the least painful death is
by means of an overdose of chloroform.
You begin with pleasant sensation
and end in Oblivion. I'russic acid acts
instantaneously. presuming the agony
Of anticipation avoided some violent
deaths are quite painless. as they give
no time for feeling pain. Such are be-
ing blown to pieces by dynamite or by
shell. Drowning is said to be n lux
ury, and experts have recommended
opening n vein In hot bath. Lauda.
mum and other narcotics would run
chloroform and ether hard for first
place.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
A Scholarly Milkmnld.

He overlook her on the roadside
while wandering for his health in the
Bcrkshircs.
AT last he said, IL have found a
typical milkmaid OF old New England.
See her big sunbonnct, her dress up to
her shoe tor:a her plain but neat cal
leo and the Very pail itself. 1t is a
morning for adventure and will
speak to her."
lie luickencd his walk gnd was soon
near her.
"Finc morning this morning." he
said. Il would like to help you carry
the pail"
There was no reply, but hc felt the
roguish smile that lie knew WAS hid
under the sunbonnet SO he Kept on
doing all the talking until they reached
the lane into which she was about to
turn.
Can go With you:" he asked.
She turned and faced him.
NO, sir; YOU may not, nor do de-
sire Your attentions. 1t is; bad enough
to have 4: grown man splitting his in
flnitives, but when he shows his ig-
Eorance OF The proper use of should
and would and then caps the climax
by using can for may think 1t is only
my duty to tell him that the summer
school is in session about ten miles
from here. New York Times.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
A Pretty Cunto,,.

South American lovers have n pretty
custom. 1t Is Well known that when
the petals of the great laurel magnolia
are touched. however lightly, the re-
suit is a brown spot which develops in
a few hours. The fact is taken nd
vantage of by the lover, who pulls II
magnolia flower and OH one of it's pure
white petals writes IL motto or message
with hard, sharp pointed pencil.
Then he sends the flower. the young
lady puts it in n vase of water and In
three or four hours the message writ
ten on the leaf becomes visible.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
The Word nihle.

The word Bible furnishes n striking
instance OF u words rise from very
low to high estate. 10 the bulk OF
English speaking folk 1T now means
the book of books. In Chauccr's day
1t meant amy book whatever or scroll
to speak by the card lest cquivocaton
undo us. Tracing the word Bible
straight home, we find it as bublos, but
another name for the papyrus reed of
Egypt National Review.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
The Louis styles.

1t was the French King Louis XI.
who invented gold lace, and it was
Louis XIV. who ordered all the silk
upholsteries of the palace done in
white with figures Of gold and blue
and Il touch of red. The louisine silks
are named after him, and all the
French kings Of the name of Louis
have had their names brought down to
posterity through the invention Of
some article of dress, whether it be a
Louis Quinze heel or q Louis Seize
coat, while to Louis Quatorze belongs
the honor Of cuff and hat.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1902-11-06
HellNe.llOHa.

Hedsehogs are very strong In the wa
ter, swimming with ease against a
rapid stream, and with their muscular
claws they turn up the nests of trout
or salmon and make goodly haul
therefrom. They will breast very
rapid stream, and cold water. as near
the freezing point as may be, seems to
have no terror for them. The eggs OF
the salmonidm are n welcome prey to
nearly every animal that will face wa
ter. Aquatic birds, rats (ooth house
and watep, hedgehogs, beetles and
their larv:n, the so called fresh water
shrimp, are deadly foes.