davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
NOW THEY MERELY SPEAK.
For She Knew All the Time W
1t Was.

for She Knew All the Time Who
1t Was.
ialf a dozen persons in a big down
town office building enjoyed them
selves hugely the other day at the ex-
pense of Il young lady with whom all
Of them are well acquainted and who
Is located in room adjoining the one
which is the scene of their daily Ia
bOrs.
The leader of the six jokers went to
Tile telephone instrument and called
the phone in the next room. AS was
anticipated, the young lady answered.
This Is central Office" announced
the joker I'VE are testing the wires.
VIII you kindly assist us?" or course
all this was said in an altered tone Of
voice.
Certainly" was the sweet response.
What shall dO?"
Kindly place your mouth about two
inches to the right of the instrument" +"
directed the joker. 'and say hello
three times at short intervals"
The obliging creature at the other
end promptly complied with the re-
quest. The joker waved his disen-
gagged hand at his five associates and
bent double in the effort to repress
laughter
Now place your mouth one inch to
the left and repeat hello four times"
the joker instructed.
The response proved excruclatingly
funny to the man at the phone, and,
although they could not hear what the
young lady said. his five companions
were not devoid of Imagination. By
this time they were holding their sides.
1t required such long time for the
joker to regain control of his voice
that the victim had twice inquired,
rs that all?" before he could say
with your mouth just above the in
strument pronounce the same word
again" This was done
The joker could keep in no longer.
Though beginning to laugh. he man
aged to splutter:
Now stand on your head and say
hello"
With a shout he slapped the ear
piece on the hook and literally fell
into chair. The other five screamed.
Still giggling, the six merry men, a
little later, proceeded to visit the i'm
posed-upon damsel. AS they reached
the doorway of her room she turned up
her nose disdainfully and remarked, in
chilling manner:
"Humph; knew it was you all the
time"
They speak now as they pass by, but
that's about all.-Washington Star.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
DR.. MATTHEW'S DISCOVERIES.
Their Probable Practical Results as
Forecast by Himself.

Their Probable Practical Results as
Forecast by Himself.
DR.. Mathews, writing in the Cen
tury of THE Nature of Nerve Force"
apropos of the experiments made by
DR.. Loeb and himself says in conclu-
sion:
1t will probably be asked, what are
likely to be the practical results of
these conclusions? 1t is. of course, i'm
possible to predict what practical re-
suits may follow in the future, but it
appears to me probable that the imme-
diate practical consequences will very
likely occur in the following directions:
First, the physical explanation thus
attained of one of the phenomena of
life will, if it proves true, bring us II
step nearer the understanding of other
life-phenomena, the artificial synthesis
of living matter, and the prolongation
of life. There is apparently no in
herent reason why man should die,
except our ignorance of the conditions
governing the reaction going on in his
protoplasm.
Second, it looks as if we had at last
secured rational basis of pharmacol-
Ogy. If the poisonous action of salts is
due to the electrical charges their par
ticles bear, and we are able to offset
this action by particles with the OPP
posite charge, there is every reason to
believe that the poisonous action of
drugs is also so caused and may in the
same manner be counteracted. The
credit for this work should be given to
Professor Loeb.
Third, we have at last secured, ap-
parently, basis for attacking the
great problem of fermentation, for the
peculiar Preventative or catalytic
powers of colloidal solutions are prob
ably, in their essence, electrical. A So
luton of the problem of fermentation
probably means revolution in some
of the great industries of the world.
for it will enable us to build up our
food-stuffs from the soil, the air. and
sunlight, just as plants do. 1t will put
in our hands a power of controlling
chemical phenomena, the results of
which can at present hardly be con-
ceived. In the absence of experimental
data it is impossible to say definitely
whether our results will ultimately IL
Illuminate the problem of fermentation
or not, but they at least suggest a
means of attacking his problem. and
| think ! do not overstate the probable
consequences of the solution of that
problem.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
Irish Tobacco on Sale.

Tobacco has been grown in no fewer
than twenty-five centers in Ireland,
and the leaves have been cut and dried,
and are now offered for sale. Its ex-
cellence for smoking Is vouched for,
and there seems no adequate reason
why the weed should not boom contem-
poraneously with the new Irish litera-
ture. Quite possibly here and there the
growing may bring wealth to the cult
yators, and eventually-whok knows?-
become the envy of American trusts.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01

rerous, nervous trouble. Those hot
flashes are just so many calls from
nature for help. The nerves are cry
ing out for assistance. The cry should
be needed in time. Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound was pre-
pared to meet the needs of woman s
system at this trying period of her life.
1t builds up the weakened nervous
system, and enables woman to pass
that grand change triumphantly.
- was very sick woman, caused
by Change of Life. / suffered with hot
fuches, and fainting spells. | was
afraid to go on the street, my head and
back troubled me so. | was entirely
cured by Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegeta-
bic Compound" Mrs. JENNIE NOBLE,
SOLO Keyser St., Germantown, Pa
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01

Diversity OF gifts in the church de-
pends on unity IN God.
The dawn OF Gods day will mean
darkness to the ungOdly.
If our transgressions are not blotted
out they will blot us out
The door TO friendship with Christ
lies in the path of service.
You may know mans principles by
the things he has an interest in.
1t is vain giving men their rights un-
less you give them righteousness.
He that is transformed by the spirit
cannot be conformed to the flesh.
The invitation to lean on the Lord is
for the weary and not for the lazy.
1t is well to lay our troubles before
the Lord and better to leave them there.
Chicken-feed in the collection does
not promise growth of wings on the
givers.
Character will be the first thing to be
cramped when life is crowded with
chattels.
Don't cast your bread on the waters
when you might just as well hand it TO
some hungry one.
He who sweeps the pews for the glory
Of God will be more pleasing to Him
than the preacher who seeks his own
praise.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
CArARRH CANNOT BE CURED

With local applications, as they cannot reach
the sest OF the .sease. Catarrh is a blood or
constitutional disease, and IN order 10 cure il
Won must take lnternsl remedies Halls ca.
tarrh ure 4s taken internally, amt acts i rectIy
on the blood and mucous surfaces Halls ca.
iarrh ure Is not n qusCk medicine ID WIS
preScrl bed by one OF the best physicians N this
country Tor Years, ana isU regular prescription.
IL Is composed q. the best toniCs known, con-
blned with the Dest blood purifiers. acting Gi-
rectly on the mucous surfaces The perfect
combination Of the two ingredients is what pro-
duces such wonderful results in curing catarrh
send for testimonials, free.
+. ). CHENEY & CO, Proprs., Toledo, o.
sold by druggists. price 75r.
Halls Family Pills are the best
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
A Chance to Retaliate.

The minister was young and easily
embarrassed. The first time he perform
ed the marriage ceremony it was for d
couple who were both younger and still
more easily embarrassed than he.
When he had finished the service
and murmured few kindly means but
halting words to the young couple
whom he had just united, the bride
looked at him, blushing but confident.
Thank you" she said, clearly. ITS
real kind Of you to congratulate us,
and as long as you haven't ever been
married, yet, maybe We'll have chance
some day to retaliate."
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
A Mean Restriction

"Oh, my!" exclaimed the young
wife, reading over the insurance policy
on her husbands life in her favor,
"this insurance company is just hate
full"
"Why, what's the natter asked her
husband.
"Why, if you commit suicide they
won't pay any money at all. "-Phila-
delphia Press
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
TIE Change of
Life

Is the most important period in a wo-
mans existence. Owing to modern
methods of living, not one woman in
a thousand approaches this perfectly
natural change without experiencing
a train of very annoying and some
times painful symptoms
Those dreadful hot flashes, sending
the blood surging to the heart until it
seems ready TO burst, and the faint
feeling that follows, sometimes with
chills, as if the heart were going to
stop for good, are symptoms of dam
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01

Newspaper advertising is not only
more direct, but it offers more chances
Of success than maguziue advertising.
The newspaper reaches so many diff
ferent classes Of people that there is
always q wide margin for miscalcula-
ton in copy The big dailles furnish
many different sets of ideas. They
reach the sporting man, the society
folks, the merchant, the banker, the
laborer, the woman in the home, all
by matter that is specially prepared to
suit their tastes. The magazine, on
the other hand, furnishes but single
set of ideas. 1t treats all matters from
one point of view-the woman's, the
literary readers, the educational, the
critical. Each magazine aims to ap-
peal to one definite class; therefore
nice discrimination is needed in select
ing magazines to carry certain forms
of advertising. There is very mar
row margin for errors. When the me-
dunn is fitted to the advertising, 1t is
sure to reach larger numbers of peo-
pie, however, and the leisure and in
telligence of readers are large factors
In eturns.-Printers' Ink.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
A Reprobate.

"Aren't you ashamed to go away
and leave your wife in tears?" asked
the near relative.
"0h don't know" answered the
brutal man, "that's the way she has a
good time when she goes to the
theater. ."-Washington Star.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
Composite.

Observation-Disclosures seems to be a
fellow Of extremes-one who writes
awful slush and sublime prose, and who
is at the same time an idiot and a
genius.
Cleverton-Where did you get such
an idea?
Dashaway-I've just been reading
the reviews of his latest book. k.-Har-
per's Bazaar.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01

There never was bigger mistake
made by any merchant than for him
to think that he had reached a point
where he could do without advertis-
ing He may not realize it, but when
he stops the more enterprlsing mer-
chant is gradually taking his business
away from him.-Jacksonyille (Fla.)
Metropolis.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
loo lndioestible.

"Hear Bromley is deadP"
mo; what was the trouble2"
Splinter of wood in his stomach
"How in the world did that happen?"
Eating club sandwiches. New
York Times.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
Still Usefu1.

Loanedit-Borrowit. didn't you get
nv lawn mower last summer?
Borrowit-Yes. I'm the man.
Loanedit-Are you thinking Of bring
ing it home this winter?
Rorrowit-Hadn't thought Of It, I'm
going to lower the knives In that ma
chine and use it to shave the ice OF my
sidewalk.-Indianap News.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
RiShnn Mhitils Rrtlrrs

Because of i'll health Bishop Whittle
of the Episcopal diocese of Virginia has
transferred the care of the diocese to
his coadjutOr, Bishop Robert A. Glib
son. Bishop Whittle is 20 years old.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
Naturally.

"Great cinders! Smith. look at this
paperl Jones kicked out of the house
by his father-in-law! Awful. awful!
Why, Jones is one Of our biggest
guns"
"And his father-in-law, l presume.
was the man behind the gun, as 1t
were ?"-Baltimore News.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
TRUMPET CAlIS
Rams Horn Sounds q Warning Note
to the Unredeemed.

HE hand of ofh
cialdom c n n n o
save the world.
Gratitu d g un
spoken may turn
TO self graduation.
Most men may
be known by the
W ay ey US 1
money.
With many free
thought m e a n $
fire e d o N fro n
thought.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
Defined.

Paw here's something in the paper
about 'junket.' What is a junket?"
"a junket, my boy, is an excursion
at public expense to which you are not
invited. ."-Chicago Tribune.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
Hoods Jiarsaparill0
and Pills

Are the medicines to take-they do
the work thoroughly and agreeably
and never fail to do it.
Holds are the medicines you
have a'wavs heard recommended.
Of cannot recommend Hoods Sarsaparilla
too highly rs a spring medi cine. When we
take 1t in the spring we all feel better through
the summer" MRS. S. II. NEAL McCrays, Pa
EooS's SarsaparHIa promises 10
euro snd keeps fhe PROMISE.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
Qualified.

"Are you married or unmarried?"
asked the theatrical manager of an ap-
plicant for engagement.
"Unmarried," replied she. "Pve
been unmarried four times. detroit
Free Press.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
No Doubt About Il.

Bridget, what did you say to Miss
Smith when she called2"
'I tould her you were out this tonne
for sure ma am. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
Ladies' Can Wear Shna.

One size smaller after using Aliens Foot Ease
powder, 1t makes tight or new shoes easy.
Cures swollen, hot, sweating. aching feet, IN.
growing nails, corns and bunions. All drug
gists and slioe stores, 25c. Trial package FREE
by mail. Address Allen s. Olmsted, lie Roy,
New York.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
Snapshot Opinion.

Ned-Clara says you are perfec
gentleman.
Fred-Why, she doesn't know me.
ked-That's what / told her.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01

Small spaces can be made to pay; it
is not necessary to take half-page to
tell good story. 1t is more import
ant to put interesting matter in your
ads than it S to make them big and
boisterous.-Press and Printer.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01

When a girl hangs around a store to
see a young man her parents should
null ON the lines and yell whoa. Many
a disastrous marriage has begun In this
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01
Answer to Woman Question

A woman's club In Berlin offers a
prize of 1000 marks for the best cate
chism OF the woman question"
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01

Pisos Cure is the best medicine we ever
used for all affections of the throat and
ungs.-WN. o. ENDsLEY, Vanburen, Ind,
FeD 10, 1900.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01

CiTn Permanently Cured. 40 flts or nervousness.
tBgS after first laws ,eof Dr. Klne's Great Nerve
2estcrer send Tor Flt E 81 90 trial bottle and treat
ise DIR II KLINE Ltd. .Y3l ArchSt Philadelphia, Pa
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01

Why suffer yourself, or let tothers, when
relief may be had at once by using
Hamlin's Wizard Oil.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01

Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Sooth-
Ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their
children during the teething period.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01

Dogs can't talk, but you always
know what they mean. With some
men Ii is different.
Wallowa chieftain. [volume] (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909, 1902-05-01

Any father is an authority on the
management of other peoples chill.
dren.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1902-03-28
Firm Lands in the West.

Whatever may be said of low
prices of farm lands east of the Al
lech enies, there is no doubt that
farms of the central valleys, from the
eastern to the western mountains,
are advancing rapidly, and are in de-
mand at greatly increased prices.
Plenty Of land in Illinois has reached
the $500 mark, and farms of the Mis-
souri, valley, from Kansas to Mime
sofa, are steadily increasing in value.
As western competition becomes
more intense, western farmers and
the congressman who represent them
demand expensive irrigation and
more free farms. while eastern farm
crs have failed to ask for government
slp,lies of free fertilizers; and east
ern gardeners have made no demand
for appropriations for plant houses
and other aids to p~oduction.-Coun-
try Gentleman.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1902-03-28
A Mann IN 9th Hay Farm.

Five thousand acres of swamp land
in Oregon, says the Hay Journal, will
be reclaimed and made to produce
hay, if project set on foot by live
stock company shall prove successful.
This company has built dredge,
with which it proposes to dig ditch
60 feet wide and nine feet deep
through the center of the swamp
which covers large proportion OF
Molheur county. by means Of this
ditch it is proposed to drain the
swamp and convert it into a great
hay field. 1t is estimated that 100000
tons of hay can be produced annual
ly, where now nothing but swamp
grass fourishes. \ San Francisco
company has secured contract to
operate the dredge. and it is esti-
mated that two years will be re-
quired to complete the ditch.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1902-03-28

| bass stumbled along to his place, dropping
the missive into his sweetheart's lap, and
| in spite Of his confusion he could not
! help but notice how lovely her blue bon
| net was.
| Ten minutes later when they stood up
! to sing he saw his mistake. Good heav'
ems! He forgot everything but the awful
dilemma he was in. Finally the sub-bass
nudged him. "Why don't you sing" ne
! asked, gazing in blank establishment into
| his white face.
Then, with the cold sweat beading his
forehead. Orlando Hines began the bass
repeat with desperateness scarcely ever
entering into an Easter song.
When he sat down again everything
was unintelligble pantomime until the Sec
ond treble beamed at him over her book.
She had accepted him for all time! For
minute the crowd melted into hazy dis
lance, and he wondered if the gossips
would gossip much if he died then and
there? But his good sense came to the
rescue; he shut his eyes a moment to
collect his thoughts, then opening them
he looked at Ruth. Why, how sweet and
graceful she was! He ought to have seen
that before. And she was as good and
pure as the saints; what more could b.
desire?
Instinctively his eyes sought the eyea
Of the first treble, perhaps for compar.
ison, and he saw her look angrily, haueht'
lily down on Miss Hamlin. He had not
thought she could do that. Then he
was glad that the whisperings had mixed
up the Easter bonnet and Orlando Hines
as well. So he came to himself, smiled his
sweetest and kissed the tips of the fingers
of the second treble.
But, be it said to Charity AIMS credit,
she was putting on the proud exterior to
mask the chagrined interior. From the
moment she entered the church, the Bent
ly banknote, as it were, Knocked her from
the innocent head of Ruth Hamlin. And,
more than that; she saw the tickle Or
landos billet doux fall lovingly into her
lap. After that everybody and everything
was perfect torture, pure and simple; but
the leading bass was judging from ap-
pearances only.
And everybody went home from St.
GATHERINGS wondering about one of two
things; why Miss Bently changed her
mind from dream in blue to poem in
gray, and why Orlando Hines came so
near breaking down in the opening piece.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1902-03-28
Celebration OF Easter
IN HE observance of Easter is almost
as old as the Christian Church. 1t
uas reconnized a. a reliuinrs fes.

III n HE observance OF Easter Is almost
as old as the Christian Church. 1t
- was recognized as religious fez-
tival within 800 years after the resurrec-
ton of Christ, but it was not till the
eighth century that its celebration be-
came common throughout the Christian
world. In the western countries of En-
rope it was always kept on Sunday, but
the churches in Asia kept it on the third
day after the 18th of the Jewish month
Nissan, whatever day of the week this
might be. This was the Jewish rule, which
aimed to keep the actual anniversary OF
the day of the resurrection (as we OBJ
serve Christmas), while the gentiles pre-
ferred to observe the Lords day which
comes next after the actual anniversary.
The council of Aries, in A. D. 3l4, ordered
Easter to be observed at the same time
throughout Christendom, and the councils
of Nicaea, A. D. 1926. ruled that it was to
be celebrated only on the Lords day, and
not on a week day. 1t was not, however,
until the year TIA that the computation
of the time of Easter was fully settled
and uniformity secured. The rule was
then laid down that Easter day is always
the first Sunday after the full moon which
happens upon or next after the 2lst of
March. If the full moon happens on
a Sunday, Easter day is the Sunday
after
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1902-03-28
Amount or Seed to Sow.

The amount of grain to sow per
acre is a question Of considerable i'm
portance, since the saving of half a
peck per acre is SIS to $50 on every
100 acres of wheat sown. 1t is not
we'll to skimp the seed, but too much
is as bad as too little; not only is it
a waste of seed, but the plants will
be too crowded to develop in the
highest degree. The right amount of
seed. then, is the question, and yet to
say what will apply in every case is
not possible. by using averages. the
proper amount under average condi-
tions may be stated, but what would
be too little in Il dry summer would
be too much in wet one. The inn
plement used in sowing also has an
influence on the amount of seed to
sow. 1t is generally conceded that it
is good practice to SOW a peck less of
seed with a drill than with the broad
cast seeder.-Midland Farmer.