Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-02-25
GOOD
Short Stories

It Is related that once, when cap
tain I'm the army c0rnered by the en-
emy, he addressed his men as follows
''My men, fight like demons until youl
powder gives out, then run. I'm Lit
tie lame I'll start now"
In an after-dinner speech at the Lon
don Savage Club recently, on the pur-
| Ity Of the English tongue, Winston
Churchill remarked: 81 have written
Eve books. the same number as Moses
but will not press the comparison" "
1t is said that when Thaddeus, some
twenty years ago, was painting his IA
nous portrait of the Pope, his Holiness
exclaimed: How old you make me
look" But are you not old" asked
the artist. "Ah, yes" said the Pope,
''but the Papacy, the idea which l rep
resent, is always young"
Mark Twain was recently chatting
Sir Wemyss Reid on the vagaries of
English pronunciation. You spell a
name B-e-a-u-c-h-a-m-p. and pronounce
it Marchbanks," he said. 'tAnd you do
precisely the same thing" replied We
myss. What do you mean?" replied
Mark Twain. well, you spell your
name Clemens. and you pronouncs
it Twain
An Edinburgh photographer was WIS.,
tied the other day by a man who want
ed unique picture taken. "You see,
it's like this" the stranger began. Il
had a girl that / loved, and We was
going to git married. She had her
things made up, and we was all ready,
when she was taken ill and died. Now,
what l want is a picture Of me sittin'
on her grave weepin'." The photog-
rapher was touched at the homely story
Of grief, and told him he could send a
man with him to the grave, and have
the picture taken as he desired. Its
some distance" the stranger explain
ed, ''it's over in Ireland. l expect it
'ud cost a lot to send over your traps
for what l want" The photographer
said it would, whereupon his visitor
added: 81 thought that mebbe you
could rig up grave here in your shop,
and l would weep on it, and it would
w
to weep anywhere"
A prominent PHYSICIAN, the other day,
told how he played practical joke on
an esteemed member of the medical
profession, who did not believe in the
germ theory, and refused to pursue any
study in that direction, holding that it
was all bosh. The more the bacteriol-
ogist insisted, the more doubling the
doctor became. ''Uere is no such ding
as germs in tuberculosis. will not be-
lief it," declared the German physician.
Yes, but have bacilli which l can
show you under the microscope and
prove my assertion" replied the pro-
fessor. "Und i'd has head und tail?'
queried the doctor. Certainly. Come
to my laboratory, and I'll show 1t to
you," said the bacteriologist. The doc
tor visited the laboratory, and the sci
enlist showed him the specimen under
the microscope. A peculiar looking,
wiggling object, with the head of a
monster and feathers sticking forth
like the war-path head-gear of a savage
Indian, was presented. ''Mein gracious!
Und dot ting is alive?" cried the doc
tor; mo Wonder. the germs can ravage
a mans lungs. l shall get me a micro
scope at vonce." The doctor was con-
verted to the germ theory, but the
wicked bacteriologist failed to reveal
to him that the bacillus shown in the
microscope was a common flea, OBJ
tained from the body of the scientists
pet houSe-doo.