Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1902-12-22
ON MAKING FRIENDS.
Friends the Reflection Of Ones Own
Character.

|
young woman who had dropped into a
chair by the open fire of friend-a
busy woman. from whom, however,
there was always welcome and cup
of tea to be had at this hour OF the
day.
What is the trouble?" asked the old
err woman. going straight to the point.
Nothing; yes. there is, too. You al
ways compel frankness. l have had
final break with Ethel"
"YOur new friend?"
No; that is. have known her six
months. l can't tell you what it is.
but she has hurt me mOrtally. and
things can never be the same again.
In fact, she sails tomorrow for the
winter in Italy,"
The older woman waited as the
younger one paused and then went on
again.
1.-THE most discouraging time In life
comes when you find that people have
been using your help and your friend
ship selfishly, just to bring about what
they want or make themselves more
comfortable. Is it possible to find any
real affection, l wonder? If l lost my
faith in you my universe would topple
over
1--WE all need sympathy" said the
older woman, passing over the personal
allusion land we naturally enough
crave friendship. But when two peo-
| pie value each other just because each
has found it convenient to have the
other around they are not friends;
they are simply acquaintance on a
business basis. Snobbishness and pre-
! tence are mostly due to desire to
make use of people in one way or an
| other
Then the older woman continued.
rather hesitatingly. Il have often
wanted to talk to you about making
| friends. You take your friendships too
violently. too absorbingly, and break
| almost inevitably comes, till you are
in danger of growing cynical. 1t is the
| cynical people who talk about the OBJ
solete sentiment of friendship. I con-
fess they can find good deal to JUS
tify their cynicism. But the great
danger of growing to question friend
ship is that you will end by neglect
ing it or discarding it altogether. l
believe that friendship, generous
friendship. which is self-forgetful, is
just as possible today as it ever was.
Only a selfish love must be paid with
love- wise somebody tells u.s.
| The younger woman was silent, but
she listened intently as she drank her
| tea. And the hostess went on: After
all. ones friendships reflect ones own
character. We all naturally gravitate
to congenial people who like what we
like. We seldom choose deliberately.
| OF course, one may be too exclusive
and cautions in making friends. but the
opposite error is even greater-making
! friends too easily, without much con-
| sideratiOn of quality. If a woman tries
| to be on good terms with Il lot of peo-
| pie she is generally a favorite on Ordi-
| nary occasions but few people quite
| trust her. and her friends are apt to be
| of the fair weather kind. l suppose it
is difficult TO avoid either of the two
| extremes, but it does not do to leave
| things too much to chance. Probably
the best and richest intjmacies of our
| lives come as the wind blows-we
hardly know how. But if we do a lit
tie thinking beforehand we at least es-
cape hampering our lives by mistakes
and unreal relationships
| COlFtllS, lHOuSH, as you kUOW, III
terpOsed the younger woman, there is
a carefully graded scale of intimacy
introduction, bowling and speaking ac-
| quaintances, calls, entertaining and all
that. You could hardly expect indy
ing affection from a crowd you had
entertained at dinner or had brushed
against at some lecture or other social
| function
| mo, friendship is for hard wear. for
the deeper realities of life. 1t is an
abuse of the word to apply it to the
interchange of society life. All rela-
tionships based on selfishness, either
personal pleasure or usefulness, are
merely accidental.
| And another thing is true con-
tinued the older woman, gently.
Friendship can only exist between
| equals. l don't mean equals in what
we call social position or even in in
tellectual matters. but equality based
on deep. underlying purposes and
ideals, rooted and grounded in those
permanent things which we call trust
and faith and character
Haven't you too impossible ideals?"
| Il think not. Friendship is not a
|
up in the street. And it would not
count for much if it WERE"
| Some people have a perfect genius
for friendship, they are so open and
responsIve-and unselfish," said the
younger woman. thoughtfully.
I'VE make acquaintance and call
| them friends" came the steady reply
we have few friendships because we
| are not able or willing to pay the
price of friendship. Trust is the first
! essential for making a friend. If you
are Overcautious. suspicious, self asser-
tive, you cannot make real friends.
People are wont to be afraid of Civ
| ing themselves away cheaply, but it
seems to me that a warm hearted ma
ture, which acts on impulse, is of
! higher. finer type than the one which
| is always afraid of committing itself.
And if there must be trust to start
| with, there must be loyalty to follow
loyalty that is bound to find express
sion in little acts of kindness, con-
siderateness and appreciation. Sym
pathy need not be kept for adversely
only; it is just as acceptable in all
i