davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

The man who never makes mistakes
Must forfeit much delight:
Fe cannot feel the sweet surprise
OF sometimes being right.
WASHINGTON Star.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

Agent: "Have You need for any light
ming rods to-day. sirc'
Amateur Farmer: NO. sur: I don't pro-
pose to encourage lightning bugs on my
farms. sir"-Ohio state Journal.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

Mrs. Talktnston's husband ought 10 he
a good listener
He is. He can listen to nearly two hun
dred words 2 minute Smart Set.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

The gentle COW looked sadly round.
Her face suftused with shame;
'ro- all the Ills that now abound"
puoth she. Tn not 10 blame.
Good butter pf an homes. hue.
Ruiit by "a rustic dame,
The factory may hide from view.
But ] am not to blame.
The milk takes on~the azure tint.
It's taste bellies its name.
The cream il but a passing hint.
But ! an Hot to blame
And vhen I am set forth as beef
The prices they proclaim
Become "a source of general pIi@f:
But | am not to blame.
For ! have simply lone nv best
And tried NJ crooked game.
The human beings did the rest.
And / am mol TO blame"
Washington STAT
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

On. tn" dying machine soma day will fly
And through tn, ether roam.
But, on its collapse
The horse. perhaps.
VIII be asked to haul it home.
-Washiuzton Star.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18
Occasional Relief.

Visitor TO the Prisoner. Il suppose this life
OF yours IN here is a continual torture"
Convict: oh. no. Not so bad as that. We
don't have visitors every day, you know. -
Boston Transcript.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

Mrs. Hoon Gn the midst of her readinr):
All, Mrs. man Swackhammer has
started a crusade against d],ccliete gowns"
Mr.. Hoon: HIN, Is Mrs. Congressman
swackhammer sensible Or kinny?"-smart
Set.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

Doctor; speaking Of your trouble with
your husband. do you know that it is a
scientific fact that meat causes bad tenn
per-"
Mrs. De Jar: ooh, yes. I have noticed it
always does. and especially when it's
burnt."-New York Weekly.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18
70 suit.

How did your Chicago friend make his
money"
Inherited IT,"
"IndeedT'
Yes, born witt a silver knife in his
mouth as It were."-Philadelphia Press.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

In an Ice-C-oam ParIor-Hs: II wonder
why it IS no man has eyer succeeded in
capturing the wealthy Miss Bullion
Sweet Girl t5e-ween sor0nfuis.: "Sho has
always been riah enough 10 bug her own
ice c-,am."-New York weekly.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18
A Difficult Case.

First Lawyer: How did you come out in
settling Up old Gotrox's estate"
Second Lawyer: TT was a hard strus-
Gle
No.
Yes: ! had hard work 10 keep the heirs
from getting part Of the es;ate."-ohio
statc Journal.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

NO wonder he loves her. Didn't she save
his Ilfer"
Mercy, How
why ne said II she didn't accept him
he'd go and Kill himself. and she took him
Philadelphia Bulletin.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

\ Cheerful Giver: "hnd aren't you going
to give your penny for the poor heathen3"
asked the Sunday school teacher reprovinx-
ly. 'Oh. I s'pose." replied little Bobbie. as
he held it out re~lunctantly, IF you think
they need it wurae n I do."-Ohio State
Journal.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

H: Darling, what do you suppose have
done to day
sne: Il cou'dn't guess in a hundred years"
He: Il have bad my life insured"
She: That lust like YOU. John Mann.
All YOU seem 20 think Of is yourself
Boston Transcript.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

So greatly her Doctors bill shocked her
She cried: Il shall have TO get better.
] must either get rid Of this Dr..
Or else be forever his Dr."
philadelphia Bulletin.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18
Damsre

The parties to the latest French duel were
arrested and fined for reckless shooting and
damaging the public ~trees.-AtIanta Con.tl-
tuition.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18
Original.

What an original fellow ne is"
Yes, He has made a study of it,
Life.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

She: Sometimes l think you don't love
me any more"
He Geproachfullyj: How could love
you any Notwithstanding Journal.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18
The Written Proposal.

scribbles: 81 wrote a story once that
came near winning a 10000 prize"
Dribbles: What side-tracked you?'
Scribbles: The girls fa~ther."-Chicago
News.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

My entire clerical force went out on
strike YESTERDAY" said Bluffman.
THAT so?' replied the caustic man.
What was his grievance ?"-Phiiadelpnia
Press
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

Il See that a Southern man is suing a
seer ct society for s25.0O damage because
he was injured riding on a wooden goat"
This ought TO make the blamed IDIOTS
that want TO be initiated understand that
they'd better get a little practice in ridiu
before they make their dayboo.-Ex-
chanre
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

C9 IT'S getting too slow want excite
ment. That lazy kid would stay there for
hours smoking. ] see he's tied the cord
round hts waist. so, as Freddie won't take
me home
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

Jimson: Where did whirler. the great
four-revolution somerssultist. learn TO do
his actT"
Jester: Il believe ne used to live in
Venezuela"-Boston Post,
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18
Side-Shov Difficulties.

whats the matter now" asked the tat
tooed man.
Why" replied the fire cater. the beard
ed lady says he'll get shaved if the man
ager doesn't pay him his last weeks sal
ary."-Phiiadelph.a Bulletin.
rs he a very reckless chauffeur"
Reckless Why. when the town au,lori-
ties see him starting they order ou. the
ambulance. Chicago News.
Yes. Pitcher broke down and had to 60
away for his health"
What was the matter with him.
Every complaint known 90 man"
How could that be-
.He was q rental ageul"-Iudiauagolis
News.
Mrs. Qu!zzer. What did our pastor
preach about this morning. william"
Husband About an hour and forty min
utes Ohio state journal.
She: y want you To see my new piano
the next time Won call"
He: when do Won expect 10 get IT,
She: OH in a bout six months. Chicago
Daily News.
"He claims TO be a good fudge Of horse
flesh" so he is. He has lived in Z cheap
clearinghouse for years
Mickey: "Wot made yer quit yer job,
Jimmie?"
Jimmie: Zoos de boss had a record Of all
ME relations wot died last summer. an he
wouldn't let me use none Of EN- over again.
II ! don't git a new job l cant see no ball
games."-Judge.
The Cook: "Orm sorry. mum. but the
walkin'. dil!sat@ av tn Suprame o-.a-
nv Cooks nov ordhered me f throw up ne
job"
Airs Subbub GoarfullyJ: oh, Moran!
What have I done
The Cook: 'Nawthin'. mum, but yer fool
ish husband got shaved in q uouunion bar
her sfop. tn day before Yesterday BROOK
lyn Life.
= Profitable Business.
Don't You find it very trying" she asked
the great man. TO have 10 furnish your
ace
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18
FATE CANE As FAT MAN.
ter, so there, The King.

"Iaze: There sits my worst enem the sounirH! Why can't I everg O anywhere
without ruumg auos him Well. Ia better sit as far away from him as can get be
oae tme snn.E wiz be a fsht-
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18
VIII II Come to This.

you admit you stole the horse"
Yes. your honor. but there are ~extenuat-
ing circumstances"
What are they
Il stole the horse for my starving family,
your honor."-Exchanse.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

EXHAUSTED Captain-Jane: jury had TO
&c back to the rest-cuf..' Kate: What
fnr?' Jane: oh. she got q collsps. going
roInd telling everybody how much good It
did hsr."-D-trcit Free Presa
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

His Dog: How is the courtship getting
on"
Her Dog: Not very fast. They still talk
about b~ooks."-Detroit Free Press
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

OF course the conductor never knew why
she giggled when he remarked:
Careful. miss; always get Of g car with
your face in front."-Baltimore News.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

He: Wise men hesitate; only fool. are
certain"
She: Are you sure"
He: I'm quite certain Of 81
Then she laughed.-Exchange-
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

Variety is the spice Of NE" said Cum
SO.
THAT doesn't apply to the weather" oh
iected Cawker.-Detroit Free Press.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18
81 LA UG EIS K
A Question of Vital importance


The young man looked proudly at the
sweet faced girl beside him.
Dearest" he said. Il would urge you to
marry me at once. but for one horrible
doubt"
"A doubt. Edgar? Why. what can it b. o'
y will tell you my love. You know what
my salary is. You know just what our ex-
pectations are. With care We could get
along nicely"
Yes. Edgar
We could get along nicely if I could be
convinced of one thing
What is that .EGgar?"
DO you-can you-will YOU Try to get
along with out beef?"-ENchauge.
Mayme: See the lovely solitaire engage
ment ring Jack gave me. Isn't it u
beauty"
Edyth: at certainly is. BY the way.
dear. what j. Jacks occupation"
Mayme: He is superintendent of a glass
factory"
Edyth: Hem! thought so."-Chicago
Daily News.
A Chance Yet.
"I am afraid" said the high-browed bard.
that my poetry Will never attract public
attention"
Cheer up" said the loyal companion.
Maybe you'n get appointed to office cne Of
these days and then everybody will talk
about your poetry.'-Washington Star.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

There's a boy that'll be President o.
the United States soma day
Think So
I know it. Amt a horse in the country
that kin throw ~him""-Atlanta Cons;itu-
ton.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

A Question Of Privii se- Mistress after
a heated discussion with a--Enentattve
cooi0: Arc you thu mistress Of this house,
I shogld Ike To know
Cook: NO. ma'am. I ain't-bUt-."
Mistress G-gluupSaatlyJ: Then don't talk
ike an ~idIot,"-Punch.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18
The Only One. Who regard II So.

over in France they hold their elections
on Sunday"
This must make Sunday q pretty serious
day for the candida ties"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

City Editor: Why do you insist that the
Colonel IL a candidate? Didn't he tell you
fellows that he wasn't?'
Political Reporter: Yes; but the very
next minute he invited US to hs We a drink "
philadelphia Press.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-05-18

He claims to be a good Judge Of horse
flesh" so he Is. He has lived in Z cheap
boardine-housa fnr vaars
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-03-15

The record of deaths in the Alpine
climbing in Switzerland during last
year amounts to 119, which is said to
be more than double that OF the pre-
vlous year. Probably many of these
fatalities may be traced to lack of
experience or foolhardinesS among
tourists. Mountain climbing is an
art, and to be successful in it demands
q clear head, steady nerves and no
small skill in keeping ones feet in
dangerous places. Nothing is moro
exhilar ating than mountain climbing
when misstep may mean swift and
sudden death; but Switzerland ought
to pass some law restricting this past
time to those who are able to prove
that they have had experience as
mountaineers, thinks the San Fran
cisco Chronicle.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-03-15
To Our Readers.

Being DESTROYS of having this paper
in every household. We have made an
arrangement with the Home Forum"
an up.tu-date illustrated monthly.
whereby each subscriber. whether old
or new, will be entitled to48 packages
of garden or flower seeds absolutely
free.
a large circulation for any newspa-
per means assured success, and, since
we have always had the pleasure of a
larger circulation than any of our con-
tenn poraFies in this community, we
propose to show our appreciation to
The old subscribers, and at the same
make bid for news subscribers.
We offer to cur subscribers The
Home Forum, 2" one year, a thoroughly
up-to-date monthly, 100. 40 packages
of Garden OF Flower seeds, $500. To
tai, So 90. Cost to our subscribers 81.
New subscribers can participate in
the above offer by including subscrip-
ton price to this paper and delin-
quent subscribers by paying up and
one year in advance.
The seeds are fully guaranteed to be
the best of quality, coming from the
most relia bic seed growers: quantit
equal to the fullest measure given
Make your selection from the follow
ing list, and mail to this office with
s1.00; if new subscriber, include sub
scripttln price to this paper in addi-
tion. The seeds will be sent prompt
ly upon receip5 of subscription price
of either of above offers.
List of seedS:-Beans, peas, corn,
cabbage, borecole, pumpkin, spinach,
celery. carrot, cucumber. herbs, let
tuce, squash, tomato. muskme Ion,
watermelon, onion, parsley, radish,
parSnip, pepper kohlrabi, turnip,
beets.
FlowerS:-Sweet Alyssum, Blue
Ageratum, Asters. Balsams, Candy
tuft, Coxcomb, Bachelors Button,
Chinese Pinks, -Four O'Clocks. Mig
nonette, Marigolds, Morning Glories,
NaSturtiums, PanSies, Petunia, Phlox
Peoples, Portalacca, Sweet Peas, Yer
benas.
Make your own choice of varieties.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-03-15
pATxaNAL1sM IN GLASGOW.
Kew the Scotch Capital Provide. fer
GAe welfare OF It's
Cftisens.

1t IS when he is single that the Glas-
Cow workingman need spend little oa
the necessaries OF life. The corpora
ton has devised enormous comrnon
lodging houses, at varying prices, but
much cheaper than corresponding
places in London. Private enterprise
has followed the municipal example.
The man can for S1s to six pence night
obtain accommoda ton of the most
comfortable kind. With little eubicie
to himself, and with abundant CONF
mon rooms, every thing he wants is at
hand, says the London Nail. There are
fires and cooking utensils for him, with
attendants TO e.ean up after he has
done. He can buy raw food at cost
price and cook it himself: or he can if
he prefers, buy cooked stuff at low
rates.
II the Glasgow workmaa Is left g
widower he can go to the municipal
family home, where each of his chill
dren will be cared for by trained nurses,
fed and tended while the father is earn.
ing his living, for one shilling and ten
pence week, in addition to the fathers
house rent of four shiilings and two
pence per week. If the man dies the
wife can earn her living while finding
food and shelter for herself and her
children in the home at eveh lower
--&--
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-03-15
The cal has Bssn Issued.


BY mutual agreement between the
officers of the democraticand popuIist
state central committees Il conferences
of the Two conln1is tees will be held in
Topeka on March %.
The subject Of the conference will
be to discuss and adopt some plan
for uniting all the votes of the oppo-
sition to the republican party in Kan
sas. 1t is recognized by the two state
committees that it is the practically
unanimous desire OF the populiSt and
democrats throughout the state to
unite on one ticket. Chairman Love
and Secretary Pepperell have issued
the following call to the democratic
committee:
"After hearing from and talking
with quite number of our commit
tee and also With a number OF MEM
bers'of the peoples party committee
it has been mutually considered ad-
visable 10 call special meeting of our
committee to meet jointly with the
peoples party committee for the pur-
pose of advising together With a view
OF agreeing on a line of action that
will unite the opposition TO the re-
publican party under he head Of the
democratic ticket. We believe that
the prospect for good results to be
gained by such u conference juStitieS
the effort a special meeting Of the
committee is therefore called TO meet
at the Throop hotel in Topeka on
Tuesday, March p, al Il o'clock a. m.
for the purpose Of participating IN q
conference with the peoples party
committee and Of attending to any
other business that may come before
the committee.
Chairman Ridgely and Secretary
Currdn have issued the following call
to the populist state central commit
tee:
There will be meeting of the
people party state central committee
al Lhe Ihroop hotel, Topeka, Kan,
at 10 O'Clock d. M, Tuesday, March 70,
for the purpose Of comforting with the
democratic state central committee
setting the time and place for our
state convention and LranSactlng any
other business which may properly
come before the meeting. a full at
tendatce of the committee is especially
desireable.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-03-15
Public Sale.

The undersigned will sell at public
auction Oh the Carl Goddard farm
twelve miles north OF Phillipsburg, on
Thursday, March u, 1902, sale to be-
gin at 10ra. NJ, with free lunch at
noon, the following described property
towit:
Stock:-one heavy work team, one
mare years old, Iyearling horse colt,
l span of mare ponies. mich cows
three are fresh, > heiferS coming two
year old will be fresh in May.l2 yearl-
ing steers. yearling heifer, young
calves, 1 red bull, 5 brood sows.
Farm ToolS:-One wagon, 2 sets of
heavy double harness, set Of buggy
harness nearly new, farm implem ents
of every description.
Seed corn and seed oats.
Terms of sale: All sums under $500
cash; on amounts above $500 a credit
of nine months will be given, pur-
chaser giving good bankable note with
interest.at 10 per cent. frum date. A
discount of 5 per cent. for cash.
A. BENNETT.
c, ]. FLEMlEG, Auct.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-03-15
INSANITY RIFE IN SIBERIA.
listing Conditions by an Enai-
nent Specialist.

DR.. Briantsof, an eminent special
list in brain affections, has published
some startling details regarding the
high proportion of insane persons IN
Siberia. On this side of the UraI
mountains one person in every 500
is weak in mind. in Siberia one in
224, says recent report from ST.
Petersburg.
"To Siberia" he says, sare sent
the high criminal elements of Russ
sian society, the depraved, the abb
normal. Besides, drunkenness IS
fearfulIy prevalent. In the province
of Tomslz, with an area of 100000
square miles and a population OF
100000, there is accommodation for
only eighty insane persons. and such
accommodation in other districts is
no better"
Dr. Briantsof has visited such es-
adjustments as exist. and says they
remind him of some terrible passages
in Dante's 'Inferno." There is no
proper sanitation. and the patients
often suffer from hunger and extreme
cold. Medical attendance there IL
none, and when the patients are IN
ruly the 'swardens employ their own
uaethodka'
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-03-15

The little Jew boss and his ring
have their s'slate" made up already.
A close friend of his told US a few days
ago some of the names that were on
it. Jack Thomas for representative.
Gilman earle for superintendent,
Chas. Adams for treasurer, J.F. King
for register, Harry White for sheriff,
Will Barron for county attorney, ETC.,
etc. The only need of a convention
is just to come up to the county seat
and endorse the boss choice. What
glorious free men the republicans Of
this county are!
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-03-15
Marvin.


VIM. Maley is on the sick list.
Miss Ada Baker spent Sunday at
home.
Miss zetta Maley. of Stockton, is
visiting her brother, VIM MaIey.
Ernest Gibbs is very low with lung
fever.
JIM. Deal returned from K. c.
Thursday morning.
DR.. La Rev has purchased Noah
Bakers farm.
Nellie Vincent has been quite sick
but is improving.
Eddie Swim is suffering from an
attack of the grippe.
Mrs. Minnie Hillstead, of Prairie
View, is spending a few days with
her mother, Mrs. Taylor.
The entertainment given Wednes-
day evening by Geo. Tucker and VIM
Van Horn was quite success.
VIM Stephens is able to be down town
again.
Bonnie Deal has been quite sick but
is better now,
The lunch and bazar given by the
Ladies Aid society Saturday Afternoon
and evening was quite success finan,
tally.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1902-03-15
PERSONAL AND 1MpERsoNAL.

4 man in Norristown, Pa, who wes
supposed to have dropped dead at e
bail, was found, on medical examine
ton, to have broken his neck by run
ming into a wal while dancing a jig.
a millionaire steel manufacturer Of
Pittsburg recently visited two old
friends in Somervi.le, N. J., and pur-
chased for each of them fine house
and lot on one of the best residence
streets in the town.
A son and namesake of Hall Game
seems to have inherited his fathers
literary tastes. He is barely IT years
and months old and is editing House
hold Words, the weekly paper founded
and for some time edited by Charles
Dicke rs.
James McKeen, just selected as cor
poration counsel for Brooklyn, has a
great Knowledge of the literary clas-
slcs and seldom makes a speech in
court without quoting from Shakes
peare, Milton, Burns, Byron or Tenny-
son, his favorite authors.
President Mckinley was character
istically good natured with photog-
rapherS, never objecting to the ubiqui-
touS 'Sna PShooler, out MT. hOoSeNcAt
is giving them the reverse experience.
He positively refuses to have picture
taken of himself and the cabinet.
Dir. Jay w. Seaver, of Ya,e university,
finds that because the members of the
freshman class Of that institution are
unusually light smokers they have
more lung power and can accordingly
make more vocal racket in giving the
college yell than any of their rivals.
Hans Christian Anderson, the ia
moas author of Jevenile books, formed
his style by narrating his stories to
various groups of children before he
wrote them down. His one thought
was to become famous and he was
very careful not to make any enemies.
Emperor Williams declaration that
| the habitual drinking of beer injuries
the productiveness of the German
workman ha raised a storm about his
ears and one Berlin speaker secretly
asserted that the divine right of kings
did not give his majesty the right to
dictate what his subjects shall rat and
| drink.