davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
THE "WATER CURE"
Punish ment that Has Been Practice
for Many Years in Navy.

Punish ment that Has Been Practiced
for Many Years in Navy.
What has come to be known as the
"water cure" treatment Is an adoption
by the army of a disciplinary measure
as old to the navy as wooden hulls and
hemp rigging. The deep-sea sailor
calls it handy y-biIly wash-down," and
its application is only resorted to as the
most effective means to stop the brawl-
ing profanity of drunken sailor on
shipboard.
Where ships are visiting ports In tor
rid climates it is considered hardship
lookup, because of the heat, and sailor
who goes OH board in an unruly. intoxi.
Gated condition is usually put in irons
and allowed to sleep off on the forward
deck. Not infrequently, when Jack"
has been drinking all kinds in sight on
a shore leave the 'feel'' Of the irons,
combined with the liquor, makes him
swearing mad" No one, from the
commanding officer to the ships boy.
escapes his oaths at such times, and
finally it becomes necessary for the
peace and discipline of the ship. to give
him a "handy-biIly washdewn"
His hands. which are fastened behind
him, are lashed to a bolt in the deck,
and the ''handy-billy small hand
force pumps prepared for action. A
rubber house, without nozzle, through
custom held by Jacks" chum, is point
ed close to his face and Jack" is asked
to stop swearing or take the wash
down." The answer generally comes in
the form Of renewed effort to swear
louder and harder. The petty officer
in charge orders, Pump awayr' and
for four or five seconds steady stream
is played on the sailors mouth. His
spluttering attempts to utter more
oaths in spite Of the water are drowned
in the laugh from his shipmates.-Phil
adelphia Times.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
How to Roll an Umbrella.

"Why is it." asked an inquisitive GUS
toner in a downtown umbrella store,
that one can never roll up an umbrella
as compactly and neatly as it Is rolled
when he buys it?"
You can If you only know how
said the salesman, 'sbut If everybody
knew how it would mean less busi-
ness for us. The umbrella would last
longer and there would be a lot less
work for the repairers.
Perhaps 1 ought not to tell you
how" the clerk continued, but it's SO
simple you should know anyhow. If
you have noticed. nearly everybody
who rolls up an umbrella takes hold Of
it by the handle and keeps twisting the
stick with one hand while he folds and
rolls with the other hand.
Now. that's just where the mistake
comes in. Instead of twisting with
handle, lie should take hold of it just
above the points of the cover ribs.
These points naturally lie evenly
around the stick. Keep hold Of these.
pressing them tightly against the stick.
and then roll up the cover. Holding the
ribs prevents them from getting twist
ed out of place or bending out of shape.
Then the silk is bound to fold evenly
and roll smooth and tight.
"Ro1 up your umbrella this way and
until it is old enough to get rusty-look-
ing it will look as if it had just come
from the shop."-Kansas City Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
Abdul Hamid as Editor.

The Sultan of Turkey insists that
Turkish papers should never speak of
violent deaths when they affect the
rulers or leaders of nations. When
President Carnot was assassinated the
Turkish papers reported as follows:
I'VE regret to announce, dear readers.
that Carnot, the worthy President of
the French Republic, who has been i'll
for the last few days, died yesterday at
midnight"
The assassination OF Nasir-ed- Din.
Shah Of Persia, by Moulla Ria, was
transformed by the Turkish press into
natural, peaceful death. Full Of
years and glory. the king of kings has
Joined his august ancestors beyond the
tomb" terminated the paragraph in
question.
The fearful death Of the Empress of
Austria came as a dread shock to the
already high-strung nerves of the Yildiz
despot. Izzet Bey, the Sultan's fayorite
chamberlain, was at once instructed to
send an announcement to the Turkish
papers that the empress, while staying
at Geneva. had died from a cardiac af-
fection declared by her medical adris.
ers to be incurable.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
CHANCE FOR A GREAT STORY.
But the Editor Didn't Enthuse Owe
Mr. Raxfer,s t.Toofsie Twiffera

But the Editor Didn't Enthuse Over
MIR. Baxter's '.Tootsie Twitters."
The sharp-featured man paused in
the doorway and the editor looked up.
Il suppose" said the stranger that
you are always on the lookout for q
good story?" And without waiting
for a reply he rapidly crossed the
apartment and, seating himself at the
editors elbow, assumed an easy at
titude.
"Welly' said the editor, a little doubt
fully
Did you ever hear of Tootsie Twit-
ters?" inquired the stranger, with
much abruptness.
No" said the editor. lis it comic
song?"
NO" said the stranger, It's beau
tiful young woman, young woman
Of the stage, sir. A young woman
with most Interesting story attached"
Are you an advance agent?" in
Quired the editor.
who, me?" cried the stranger.
mo, sir. I'm a friend, sir, a friend
of the lady-and friend Of the news
paper profession. Yes, sir. Miss
Twitters is perfect lady. She adopt
ed the stage as a profession, because
she had remarkable talent in that di-
rection; talent. sir. that hasn't been
fully appreciated as yet-but will be,
sir, but will be-"
whats the lady's special une" in
uuired the editor.
"She's in the second line now," re-
piled the stranger. "But she'll be in
the front row just as soon as some
what sluggish manager can learn to
distinguish between real merit and en-
vious detraction."
"Well, what of it?" inquired the
editor.
Il am getting to that" said the
stranger. I'm coming to the story. sir.
Miss Twitters is the heiress to the es-
tate Of the late Col. Ponsonby-Snickle-
worth Of Berks. England. You've heard
Of the colonel?"
NO" said the editor.
He left an estate valued at million
pounds. Just make note Of 1t, please.
Pounds, not dollars"
Go on" said the editor.
"An this immense estate goes to Miss
Twitters on one condition." said the
stranger. Mark the condition. She
must marry the eldest son Of the Duke
Of Bubblesqueak."
THAT seems an easy one" said the
editor.
Not for Tootsie Twitters," said the
stranger, proudly. shes true Amer
lean girl. You can't buy her allegiance
with any paltry million pounds. She
will marry the duke on one condition
only. He must become an American
citizen, sir" The stranger paused and
smiled at the editor. There" he said,
you've got the materials for great
story. Work it up right, and trim it
with catchy headlines. '"Tootsie Scorns
the Ntle,' or something like that. l
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
DANCERS Of CeIIuloid.

Manufacturers Of articles made of
celluloid should be compelled to stamp
plainly upon them the words ''highly
infiammable." The danger is no imag-
mary one A gentleman with lighted
cigar in his mouth was playing upon an
American organ" furnished with Gel
luloid keys. When some red hot ash
dropped upon the keys they instantly
burst into fumes and fame, which
could only be extinguished with the
greatest difficulty. A heated curling
iron will readily start the evolution of
dense and highly infiammable fumes if
brought in contact with a celluloid
comb OR hairpin. The proximity of a
naked light adds to the danger enor-
mously, for the fumes Of celluloid will
ignite fiercely at some considerable dis
tance from the flame.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
WHERE CECIL RHODES SLEEPS.

Prospectors Dug for Gold I 200 Years
Before Christian Era.
In the heart Of the Matoppo Hills. In
South Africa. among which Cecil
Rhodes, the empire builder, sleeps the
last sleep, there are many ruins which
appeal strongly to the Imagination. It
is difficult to realize. writes a cor
respondent, that the habitations, now
ruins. were occupied by gold seekers so
long ago as 1000 B. c. When one thinks
Of Rhodesia it Is invariably of the great
possibilities which the future holds for
the country. But what Of Rhodesia's
past? Three thousands years ago, pros
pectors as gold-hungry as the green
est prospecter of to-day secured the
Matopp0s and the surrounding country
for the precious metal. These crum-
bling ruins once contained the furnaces
for the retorting and smelling of the
gold. In many quarters huge excava-
tions are found where the ancients dug
far down into the bowels of the earth
in search Of the metal. Several of these
mines are still the largest on the earth's
surface. The galleries are caked with
layers Of SCOT from the torches of the
workers. One historian estimates that
the ancient miners discovered millions
of pounds worth of gold in Rhodesia.
These early emigrants are believed to
have been Phoenicians. who, as the Old
Testament shows, were great colon
izing people. Several writer's have late
ly arisen to proclaim Rhodesia as the
veritable land of Ophir. "a land teem-
ing with gold and precious stones"
Hitherto India has been regarded as
the Ophir of the aneients, but savants
now claim that in the light Of recent
discoveries India must renounce that
distinction in favor of Rhodesia.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
SPONGES IN HAWAIIAN WATERS.
Fish Com IN ission Believes They Can
BE Found.

Fish Comm ission Believes They Can
Be Found.
Believing that there are sponges of
u merchantable quality in the waters
about the Hawaiian Islands, the last
week of the stay of the party repre-
senting the United States Fish Com
mission will be devoted in part to an
investigation of reports concerning
their presence Should there be found
these will add materially to the wealth
of the islands, more, in fact, than any
other product of the fisheries.
There is one State Of the Union which
now produces all the sponges which are
brought TO the market locally. Along
the coast of Florida the industry has
been pushed to its limit, until the an
nual sales Of sponges amount to $780,
600. The product sells for as high as
$3.50 pound, which makes the busi-
ness most profitable. There are sixty
schoonerS in the trade. and the business
is the staple Of many of the towns
along the coast Of the State. The fish
ermen have brought the business to
high state of perfection, and they are
able to make large catches in season.
The sponge fishing is done in deep
water, the best specimens Of the large
bath sponges being obtained from fifty
feet below the surface. They are locat-
ed with long pole carrying on its end
blade like letter S, which cuts the
sponge loose with a twist, and 1t Is then
brought to the surface. If there is luck;
and il not and 1t gets away. it's lost
forever. The men become very expert
in the business, and they will carry it
on during high winds, losing very few
Of the sponges.
There are many varieties of the
sponge. those which are generally found
about the enclosed waters being Of
sort which are not of value. 1t is the
opinion OF Mr.. Cobb, who is one of the
experts Of the fish commission on this
matter, that good spouges will be found
on the reefs outside, and that in time.
and a short time. for the organization
Of this industry will not be an elabor-
ate transaction, there will be one of the
most profitable of sea-product indus
tries inaugurated.
Reports have come to the members of
the party. says the Hawaiian Gazette,
that high-grade -sponges have been
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
A wABeLiNe CLERK CURED.
Head Bookkeeper Puts Up a Job O
Him that Quieted Him.

Head Bookkeeper Puts Up a Job ON
Him that Quieted Him.
A man who has charge Of roomful
Of bookkeepers in the Stewart build
ing has broken a young clerk of the
habit Of singing popular airs during
work hours. and he tells the story for
the benefit Of those who may be SIM
narly afflicted.
The head bookkeeper has pretty good
nerves. and he stood the distressing ef-
forts Of the musical young man pretty
well until the offender broke out with:
"Has any one seen my catY
Most Of the morning had been en-
livened by this song Of Powers, with
this oft-repeated line. but at length the
head bookkeeper entered inte conspir-
acy with the office boy. and the jani-
tors apartments were drawn upon for
a supply Of real live cats.
At the next outbreak OF
Has any one seen my catY'
The office boy appeared with a Sc
date tabby in his arms, and, going over
to the warbling youth, said:
lis this it, sir?''
lis this what?" replied the young
man, pausing in his career of doubtful
melody and swinging around In his
chair
why, is this the cat you have been
asking about all morning?" said the
boy. imperturbably.
The young man swung back to his
work as the others in the Office burst
into laugh and the boy retreated.
Presently the song from 1.-The Mes
senger Boy" broke out again, and the
Office boy was promptly on the scene
with a mewing kitten.
rs this it. sir?" said the boy with
mock respectfulness. and he placed the
kitten on the desk.
Take it away; take it away" ex-
claimed the young man, and he kept
silence for nearly an hour, but again
fell into his musical query:
HAS any one seen my cat?"
This time the Office boy appeared
with a whole family of cats in his
arms, says the New York Times, and
before the young man could chase him
away the boy asked:
(which one is 1t, sirp'
The warbling bookkeeper now keeps
discreet silence.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

found at Punaluu and other points on
the kau coast Small specimens have
been seen which are of the finest grade
of the satin sponge, and the belief Is
expressed that there will be found q
great supply Of the valuable growths.
Should beds be found these viii be
further cultivated and the building Of
the industry will go on as rapidly as
possible
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
leave 1t all In your hands. But don't

leave 1t all In your hands. But don't
forget it's pounds and not dollars.
You seem to take a remarkable in
terest In this young woman" said the
editor.
Correct" said the stranger. Then he
stopped over the editor. "Fact is," he
said In a subdued voice. .'Tootsie Is
really Mrs. Sam Baxter-and I'm Sam"
And merrily patting the editor on the
back. says the Cleveland lain Dealer.
he strode from the room.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

Economical housekeepers know that
cheap groceries are seldom cheap. The
cheapness is nearly always made possi-
BILE at the expense of weight and quail
ty. The best economy is to buy Mono
pole canned goods, Baking Powder,
Spices, Syrup and Coffees. You not
only get the very finest the market
affords but at very little advance over
the cheap grades. Don't tamper with
your health. Insist upon Monopole.
If your grocer doesn't handle them,
send us his name.
WADHAMS & KERR BROS,
Portland
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
Railroad Wanted.

eyes" said the head man of the
new settlement, "we're after railroad
now
"You don't say!"
eyes, if we could get railroad to
come this way kill few COWS and cut
off some of the legs of the older citi-
zens, we'd sue it for damages and get
enough to build town hall and grade
the cemetery. ATLANTA Constitution.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
More Like n.

Lawyer The idea OF the opposing
attorney referring to me as "lobster!"
You wouldn't call me that, would you?
Client-Of course not.
Lawyer-Ah, knew you wouldn't.
Client-No, it's impossible for
shark to be lobster.-Chicago Daily
News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
Albert Edward and the Renor,er

Albert Edward and the Reporters,
'On one occasion" said Sir Edwin
Arnold, when l was at an important
function at Marlborough House, Sir
Francis Knollys came up to the Prince
Of Wales and remarked: Some gentle
men of the press wish admission, sir
oh. show them in.' said the Prince,
with laugh; IF they don't obtain ad-
mittance at the door they'll come in
through the ventilator'"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
A Vegetarian Argument.

1t is estimated that twenty-five acres
of land is necessary to sustain one man
on fresh meat. The same space of land
If devoted to wheat culture would feed
forty-two people; if to oats, eighty
eight; potatoes. Indian corn and rice.
176; and if to the plantain or bread
fruit tree, over 5000 people
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
Rankrupted..

She-John shalt have the bill for
my new spring bonnet sent to you?
He-No; I'll have a receiver ap-
pointed, and you may send it to him
Ohio State Journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
ConscientjoUs,

$50 you won't chop the wood?''
"No, lady," answered Meandering
Mike, in a tone of deep sorrow. 'I'm
a kleptomaniac. I'm afraid might
steal some of it" t."-Washintgon Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

"What is an airship, pa?'
ga ship that puts on airs, my SON."
els airship, like other ships, called
'she?' ~
Certainly; didn't 1 just say that
an airship was a ship that put on airsf"
Smart Set
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
Their Activity,

eyes," said the doctor, 81 really be-
lieve automobiIing will tend to make us
a more active and athletic people,"
"Ahl You mean the people who
walk and dodge. ."-Philadeplhia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
No Deterrent

"Sharp Is somewhat INSCRIPTIONS,
isn't her"
"Yes, it will take more than his con-
science to keep him from making for
tune. Town and Country.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
She Didn't Care.

"Pardon me-" said the reporter who
had been sent to write up her wedding
shut we should have to get out a sup
plement in order to print the list of
your wedding presents
80 I wouldn't mind that" consented
the bride, archly.-Ohio State Journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
An Odd Oversight.

A Cincinnati paper, after printing an
extensive account of Sol Smith Rus
sells death, and the arrangements for
the funeral. closed the column with the
line: "Other amusements on page 81
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
A Prccautjon.

''Then when you have finished your
lecture" said the professor OF elocution
and department to yonug Dulle, "bow
gracefully and leave the platform on
tip-toe."
''Why on tip-toe?" queried Dulle.
$50 as not to wake the audience" ?"
responded the professor. 8
Weekly.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

Harriet-They have sighted whale
of to the leeward.
Henpcek-I bet it is female.
Harriet-Why do you think so2
Henpeck-Because I heard them say,
"There ahe blows!" News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
With Thanks. of Course.

81 sent a poem complimentary to the
editor of one of the best magazines. !"
"With what result?"
'He returned the compliment. -
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
A chIid Moshers Assury.

When child refuses TO stake" to
any one, its mother thinks II pretty
good evidence that the person 10 guilty
of some enormous crime Atchison
Globe.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
Library of Women's Writings,

Nine. Kaissavoff, who recently died
at st. Petersburg, had collected a
library of nearly $4,000 volumes, all
written by women. No book by male
author ever had place ON her shelves.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

Admire girls hat, and she will tell
YOU that she didn't like it after she got
it home, and tore it all to pieces ard
retrimmed it
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
Mild Case.~''''

Wife (anxiously)-Is my husband
very ill, doctor?
DR.. Stickum-Oh, no. Only about
800 worth.-Chicago News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

Mothers will End Mrs Winslow'e Sooth-
Ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their
children during the teething period.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17
CASTORIA
For Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have Always Bought
s'snsss.s sssss the Of ZhzZzzzW
More Than One.

Henriques-I hear that stork visit
ed your mouse last night.
Newlyblessed (tragically)-Storks-
Puck
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

RIFa Permanently Cured. SO nts nervousness
fbtO after frst days Of DIR. Klines Great Nervs
2estorer Send for FREE S. 90 trial bottle and treat
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

A SIX Your Dealer for Aliens Foot-Ease,
A powder. 1t Cures Swollen. Sore. Hot, Callous,
Aching Sweating Feet and Ingrowing Nails. Makes
new or tight shoes easy. at all Druggists and Shoe
stores, 25 cents. Accept No Substitute. Sample
Free. Address Allen S. Olmsted. Leroy, n. Y.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

The City Of Mexico. with a popula-
ton of nearly $4,000, still has an an
nual death rate of 52.2 per 1,OOO
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

1t overcomes all forms OF blood poison,
whether inherited or acquired, and no
remedy SO thoroughly and effectively
cleanses the blood. II you have any
blood trouble, or your child has inherited
soue blood taint, take S. s. S. and get
the blood in good condition and prevent
the disease doing further damage.
Send for our free book and write our
physicians about your case. We make NO
charge whatever for medical advice.
The SWIFT SPECIFIC CO.. ATLANTA. "a.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

Love is supposed to be a tender pas
sion, but sometimes the girls father
makes it a tough proposition.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

81 often think I'm cunning" man
said to-day, until results come in."
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

CIlIu thc SAME disease
Haanifesting itself in
the form of swollen
glands of the neck and
throat, catarrh, weak
eyes, offensive sores
and assesses aud of
tentimes white SWELL
ing sure signs Of
Scrofula. There NAV
be no external signa fer
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

Mrs. Joseph Lacelle, Ottawa, East,
Ont, Canada, writes:
''Peruna is better by far than any
other medicine sold in the Dominion
for the troubles peculiar to the sex. 1
suffered with backache, headache and
dragging down pains for over nine
months, and nothing relieved me par
ticle until I took Peruna. A few bot
ties relieved me of my miserable half
dead, half-alive condition. I am now
in good health and have neither ache or
pain, nor have had any for the past
year. If every suffering woman would
take Peruna they would soon know its
value and never be without it. Mrs.
Joseph Lacelle.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-06-17

The druggist who advises you to use
Hamlin's Wizard Oil for the cure of pain,
does you good turn!