Waterbury Democrat., 1902-09-04
VACATIONS, BEFORE AND AFTER
Here's a Man Who Expected the

Here's a Man Who Expected the
Worst in Every Way, and Got It.
The man in the rear seat of the open
car gave vent to dry chuck1e.
..Wel1,I let's have it." said his COM
panion, when the chuckling had be-
come a bit monotonous.
I'm laughing at the difference be-
tween anticipation and realization" !"
said the chuckler ''You know I've
just got back from two weeks va
cation in the country.'s
ssUh-huh.''
esWell, ] had all sorts of evil antici-
patton when started for the country
lit was the first time I'd ever made
up my mind to vacationize in the
country in my life. Wanted to try it
out, anyhow, although my mind was
full of what I'd always been reading
in the funny papers about summer
boarding houses in the country. So
really went prepared to find the con-
ditions just as the humorous publica-
tions portrayed them. Expected to
sleep on a mattress so thin tnat I'd be
able to feel the Stats, in the first place,
and / felt positive that my room 'ud
be up in the sloping attic, where the
sun would shine in fierce1y at 5
o'clock in the morning, and the blue
bottle flies 'ud buzz around, and all
that. Had a perfect picture in my
mind, before I started, of the furni-
ture of that room. Knew in advance
that there'd be only an old rickety
washstand, with a scraped porcelain
pitcher and bowl, one uncertain
chair covered with hot-looking horse
hair, and one of those wretched oblong
looking glasses that make ones face
look like a Brownies Felt positive
that in entering that room in the attic
after dark I'd scrape my head against
the sloping ceiling and get my front
hair covered with kalsomine.
ssThen knew that there'd be moth
ing but canned truck to eat The
funny papers had always Informed me
that all of the country produce is sent
to the city, and that therefore summer
boarders are Invariably compelled to
put up with timed grub supplemented
by the ferociousfy tough meat, grass
fed, that's slaughtered in the country
and eggs that had been packed in lime
over winter. knew that, as all of the
good milk had to be sent to the city
milk I'd get in the country would be
that pale, blush, watery-looking stuff
hadn't I been seeing pictures of
crafty-looking proprietors of summer
boarding houses in the country pump
ing water into the milk for their. guests
all my life in the comic papers?
"Of course l knew that tile bath
ing would consist of the modest wa
tering trough for the stock, and that
the fishing would be of the tadpole va
riety in the 'crick' about four miles
away over scOrching dusty road.
was prepared to. find it sizzling.
searingly hot, with never a breath of
air to so much as stir the burnt-look-
| ing foliage of the trees. I knew that
the wide verandas' would consist of
a measly little 4x8 porch in the front
of the weather boarded house, and at
night the malaria could be just seen
with the naked eye rising in the mists
encircling the house.
II was convinced that the agree
able society would consist of the foxy
| eyed old farmer and his worn wife
and scraggy daughters, not to mention
three or four rayenous hired men, and
that the music would be furnished by
one of the aforesaid daughters on Sun
day nights, in the shape of doleful
ante-bellum parlor organ.
There was no doubt in my mind
that the free driving would consist
of spine-jolting rides with the old
farmer on springless wagon when be
went over to buy some salt mackerel
for the guests dinner, and / was
equally positive that the two mails a
day meant that I'd be lucky if 1 re
| ceived my letters and papers two times
a week.
Here the man who had yacationized
in the country suddenly broke off and
again began to give vent to a series OF
| dry chuckles.
s'Wel1, I" put in his companion, "you
found out when you got there the diff
| ference between anticipation and real
ization, of course %
Nope sAid the chuckler. as he pre-
pared to swing off the car in the face
i of danger, '.I didn't, There isn't any
difference My anticipations exactly
dovetailed, in every particular. with
what I got out in the country AND
then skillfully dodging the fierce blow
which his companion suddenly IeVele6
at him, he swung off the running board
while the car was in full motion and
4 escaped.