Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1902-11-22
BARe F1S5.

with the aggrIeyed expression, how q
woman hates to give man credit for be-
ing able to pick up bargain?
When my wife fetches home load Of
junk that she's grabbed off the bargain
counters I'm supposed to delay eating my
dinner for half an hour or so, in order to 20
into raptures over her display Of bargains
as she spreads the stuff out before me.
always name a figure that / know is about
40 Zines too big whg- SIZE asks me what
think she paid for her bargains, Tor / know
that this makes her feel good with herself
l wouldn't run down the truck she totes
home from the bargain counters for any
mortal money, for / know that she has to
work like a hodcarrier or piano mover
in order to fight her way to and from the
bargain counters, and | wouldn't take
chance on seeing her become fearful owing
TO my knocking her bargains for anything.
But, two-fer smokes when | fetch
home a bargain, isn't it different.
II brought home bargain last evening.
On my way from the office got to rub
bering at a window display of haberdash-
cry in a department store, and the thing
that most caught my eye was the neat sign
over a stack Of pale pink and baby-blue
underwear
Fine American silk the sign read,
marked down from So to 81 80 a suit
well, / could see that it was meshy,
lightweight underwear, and | knew that it
was only designed for summer wear re-
fected that the warm weather for this year
was pretty near at an end, but the stuff
looked like such whopping bargain that
said to myself that it I'D come in mighty
handy for next year.
" 1t looks to me like they're just giving
that stuff away, said | to myself, and
here's chance to make hit with my
wife. I'll just cop out half dozen suits Of
that underwear and take it home and have
her put it in the cedar chest for next year,
and she'll hold up her hands in wonder
ment over my having enough sense to pick
up real bargain, and she'll praise me. too,
for being foxy enough to buy stuff Of that
sort almost for nothing at the tag-end OF
the season.
80 | went into the store and picked out
half dozen suits of the was S6-now Sl.9S
underwear of my size, and had EN- wrapped
up. The underwear looked great to me.
When the clerk handed me an exchange
ticket | almost chuckled as | tucked it into
my pocket as a mere matter Of form, for
didn't consider that there was one chance
in billion that that underwear would ever
be exchanged
What have you got there? she asked
me, cycling my bundle suspiciously after
she had greeted me in the hall
"'Oh, nothing said |, grandly, except
the greatest bargain that ever happened
since the Dutch bought Manhattan island
from the Indians for cask of rum and
then | united the package and the pale pink
and baby-blue underwear was revealed.
burned if she didn't put her hands on
ner hips and throw her head back and
laugh fit to kill for five minutes, while l
just stood there and regarded her amaz-
eddy.
'Whatchoo chessy-cating about that
way for, like to know finally asked her.
It's SO funny, she gasped, L can't help
it. Such colors-the plnkest kind OF pink,
and the most infantile kind of blue-for
grown-up mani and then she went off into
another bunch of wild laughs.
I'm not more than ia years of age
l told her, and / don't see anything SO
blooming funny about the colors.
when she was able to stand up straight
from laughing she picked one of the suits
up and felt of it.
"'What did you pay suit for it? she
asked me.
"'Dollar ninety said I, and they just
slaughtered the price from So.
"Why, John Emstreet,' she exclaimed,
looking me over solemnly. 1 saw the very
self-same kind of underwear in a window
only yesterday afternoon for Sl.24'
Not on your life did YOU, said l.
Couldn't ha' been the same Must ha'
been an imitation This is pure American
silk
American sikh she shrilled, feeling Of
the suit she had in her hand Why, it's
the cottoniest old stuff | ever saw In my
lfe!' and then she went on to tell me that
there was no more silk about it than any
thing, and if she'd gone on in that strain
long enough she'd finally have made the
underwear out to be manufactured OF hemp.
And just one washingH sarlnk it so
that it'll look like-like dolls clothes! was
the next knock she had for my great bar
gain, and by this time | began to feel that
/ might just as well have gone down to the
Eleventh street wharf and ehucked my
Sll.94 into the Potomac.
And goodness gracious sakes alive.
those colors aren't tast-which really Is
mercy, they are so funny-but they'll all
wash out a smudge yellow the very first
timel' was the next little hammersmita
stunt she worked off at the expense OF my
poor little old underwear pun clase
"'And these shirts are not your E1e,
anyway-they're only as, and you wear
44'sn was the next lathering she gave my
purchase.
"'And, deary me, look how commonly
they're finished, or half-fnished-and as
I'm alive, some OF them are all full Of moth
holes right now--and, look here, at these
show-window stains on this suit was the
way she came at me again.
Say, is dinner ready said J. iu disgust.
Give the stuff to Lily, the housemaid,
to give to her beau down the alley.
That's how good she'd made NE feel
over my colossal bargain.
"Why, / shall certainly do no such
thing!' said my wife. Give away nearly
So worth of underwear, even if it is funny
Wouldn't that be crazy, now! I'll Just
change it the very first thing in the morn