West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1902-04-10


Valley, and as consequence a man
must drink five of them before his
hair begins to snap and curl.
Any resident of this county who
can remember anything of the
lynching of Bob Crane is asked to
call at this Office. Bob's brother has
arrived here from Iowa and wants
to get few details for the family
history.
During the late cold snap Corner
Davis got drunk and lay out all
night and had his nose and feet so
badly frostbitten that he won't get
over it for three months. 1t is a
coroner's business to have as
happy a time Of it as possible.
More than 5000 bullets have
been fired into the front doors of
the town hall in the last year, and
they are now sagging with the
weight of lead. After the average
citizen has taken two drinks il is
wh-oop and shoot, and he feels
better.
The report In the Chicago papers
that we had been appointed consul
to Vera Cruz was without foun-
dation. We yearn for all sorts OF
political Offices, but we want them
right here at home where we won't
have to get used to other sorts OF
drinks.
The Shakespearean Dramatic
Company, of New York, will be a,
the opera house all next week, and
as the manager has agreed to ring
in sand jigs and topical songs al
intervals of 10 minutes and end ur
each performance with a railroad
holdup we hope the boys will b,
satisfied and leave their guns at tn.
door.
The little affair at the postoffic,
the other afternoon will not disturb
the United States In the least. OLE
Bill Brown turned loose on tn,
building, and we turned loose O,
old Bill, and Bill limped off to hav
a bullet dug out OF his leg. We ar
here to run things as postmaster
and if we have to do it with a gun
all right.
We indulge in a game of poke
now and then, and what grea
editor does notp But those VIII,
have made use of the fact to tr,
and get us bounced from the post
mastership have made a miserabl
failure OF it. If it wasn't for tn
American game the departments a
Washington would be as lonely a
public hospitals.
Week after week our esteeme,
contemporary announces in hi
paper that he has shot at us agai,
on the street and that he will
eventually rid the territor of on
presence. 1t is a great mystery to u
and we wish he would let us know
personally the next time he doe
any shooting. We'd like to know
which end of the gun he uses.
We don't think Colonel Beeche
is fair minded man. He coaxed n,
for three months to publish a poem
he had written on Cuba, and wher
1t came out he thought 1t such baC
verse that he called twice in on,
afternoon to shoot us. Poetry is ;
dangerous thing to fool with, anC
no one can tell who will be hurt b,
the flying splinters.
Mr.. John Andrews, of Bald Eagl,
saloon, has satisfied us that he
never lived in the State of Ohio and
was sent to prison as horse THE
and broke his way out. We heard
that he had and published the news,
but now crawhsh with the creates
cbeerfulness. We are glad for hi.
sake that Mr.. Andrews has Away.
lived in Arizona and was sent ia
jail for robbing stagecoach.
We do not wish 10 deceive ad
vertisers as to the actual circulation
of the Kicker" and when W,
announce that it is three times a
large as the combined circulation o
all other papers in the world W,
are not telling the exact truth. w,
exsggerate by 10, 900 or Is, 900
Our books are open to any one wht