The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-06-12

telephone girls.-Philadelphia Record.
81 suppose the coronation will be like
grand play" But without any VII
lain" mot at all. There's Alfred Aus
tin."-Life.
Nightmares: II dream my stories, "
said Hicks, the author. How you
must dread going to bedv' exclaimed
Cynicus.
The Sad Part: Mrs. PATTERSON
What! you've had fourteen cooks In
three months. Mrs. Catterson-Yes;
and 1 didn't please any of them.-Life.
Just as Bad. Jimson-Were you ever
In Kansas cyclone? Jester-No, but
I've been through the New York Gus
tom house examination.-Ohio State
Journal.
The intricacies Of trade: Woman
How much for children's pictures?
Photographer-Ten shillings dozen,
madam. Woman-Why-er-y but
I've got only nine.-Tit-B Bits.
| Our Song Birds: do you speak En-
glish, madame?" inquired the inter-
viewer. "ver' leetl," replied the oper-
attic celebrity, smiling sweetly; only
zis: How l lofe American Puck.
Gotham-I see the weather man has
struck it right In to-night's paper
Church--You don't mean it? Gotham
Yes; he says the weather year ago
| to-day was clear-Yonkers Statesman.
Missed it: II missed one of my pull
lets last night, Rufus" said the colonel.
sternly. "Sho," replied Rufus. evasiye-
ly, "yo oughtn't tub shoot at pullets
in de dahk, kunnel.'-Ohio State Jour-
nal.
The only one: Tourist in London
Dickens was In the habit Of frequent
ing this tavern, was he not? Land
lord (proudly)-No, sir; this Is the tav-
ern which he never freguented-Brook-
lyn Life.
His Past: Ferdy trying to make an
Observation-Disclosures! what would |
not give to be able to forget my past.
Edith-What do those old nursery
spankings still rankle in your memory ?
Judge.
| Faithful: Lady district visiting)-
Your wife Is always hard at work, and
you seem to be always idling. Do you
ever do anything to support your
it!-Punch.
Teeth: Bobby-My gran'ma's so old
she amt got tooth in her head. Tom
my-Ain't she? Well, mebby they're
in her bureau drawer, like my Aunt
Titles is sometimes. - Philadelphia
Evening Bulletin.
on his high horse: Merchandise
you're looking for position. Young
College Graduate-NO; I've wasted SO
much time looking for position"
that I'll be satisfied now to take job.
philadelphia Press.
Spring Opening: Dealer In second
hand garments Ito assistant)-We can't
mark this suit Fashionable it's too
shabby Youthful Assistant Ia humOr-
ist)-No; but you might mark 1t Very
much worn.'-Tit-B
An Explanation: You frankly con-
fess that your novel failed because Of
lack Of literary skiil?" 81 do" an
swered the author; 1.-THE man who
| wrote the advertisements was no
good. Washington Star.
Scene, anywhere: Customcr-rd like
piece suitable for roast. Meat Mar
ken Man-How much, madam? Gus.
tomer-As much as can get for half a
dollar. l want to make a roast beef
ndwich.-Chicago Tribune.
Mother-There were two apples in
the cupboard, Tommy, and now there
Is only one. How's that? Tommy
(who sees no way of escape)-Well.
ma, 1t was so dark in there didn't
see the other. = Glasgow Evening
| Times.
| Short measure: what am | so mad
aboutT repeated the popular actress.
with flashing eyes; II only got three
bouquets. that's what!' But" said
the manager, ''you surely didn't expect
more" "Of course | did. l paid for
five Philadelphia Press.
Hungry but faStidiOus: Lady" said
| the .wayfarer, Il can't eat these
scraps" You can't?" said the house
wife, In surprise; why, you just told
me that you were so hungry you could
eat house." "Yes, mum; but meant
a porterhouse. Chicago News.
Helpful hints: '.O-o-o-h-h." 1t is the
wife who shrieks thus. What Is the
matterY' calls the husband. Baby has
swallowed tack" NervOusly the hus-