Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1902-11-26
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Thorne-"How about that oil stock
you bought? Was 1t good thing?"
Bramble-"No; was."-Judge.
"She smiles so sweetly when one
sends her a bouquet" "Yes! Confound
it! No matter who sends it!'-Puck.
Politician Congratulations, Sarah,
I've been nominated" Sarah with de-
lisht-"Honestly." Politlcan-"What
difference does that mnke?''
Painless dentistry: Ibid your den.
fist hurt you much?" mot this time;
his charges We're very reasonable."-
Cincinnati Commercial-Tribune.
you asked her father for her hand?"
yes" "And he refused you?" mo.
he didn't. He said could have both
of 'em."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Hicks-"Did you get peaceful rest
in camp that you expected" Wlcks-
mo; you see, we sat up all night play
ing jokes on one another.
(Alass.) Journal.
Tommy-"Pop, what is an average
man" Father = "An average man,
my son, is one who feels that he is
little better than his neighbours
Philadelphia Record.
A. little angel: Mother-"Willie, 1
hope you never do anything so wicked
as to tie tin cans to dogs tails" Willie
Nom. never do nothin' but hold
the dog."-Detroit Free Press.
She Ito returned warrior, enthusiasts.
tically)-"And suppose you almost
lived on horseback out there?" He
well, yes, toward the end of Lady
smith we did. 1t makes rather decent
Soup."-Punch
What is the difference between
monologue and dialogue, pa?" IA
monologue, my son, is mans wife
talking to him, and dialogue is his
wife and her mother talking to him."
Town Topics.
Scheme That Failed-Tom teasinglyl
Would you be sorry to hear that
am going to marry Edyth?" Mayme
-"Indeed l should" Tom-"Why?"
Mayme-"Because really like Edyth."
Chicago News.
II suppose, in the collecting busl-
ness" said the inquisitive man, "near-
ly every man you go to see asks you
to call again." ASKS me?" replied the
collector. Some of them dare me-
Philadelphia Press.
Modern science: Weary Willie
please, mum, can't you give n poor
man some breakfast?" Mrs. Givem-
nit-'Certainly. After you saw that
wood you may eat the sawdust. 1t
makes a fine breakfast food."-Ex.
Parson Jobson-"Ah wants ter speak
ter yo', deacon, erbout de habit yo' has
OBJ goin' ter sleep in chu'ch. 1t wor-
ries me-" Deacon Jackson-"Oh, doan'
let it worry yo', pahson; All alters
leaves nah pocket-book at home, yo'
know."-Judge.
Pound of flesh: Financier tenant OF
our forest, after weeks unsuccessful
| stalking)-"Now, look here, my man.
| bought and paid for ten stays. IL
the brutes can't be shot, you'll have to
trap them! I've promised the yenison,
and mean to have it!-Punch.
Richard-"Hello, Bob got back from
your vacation? Had good time this
| summer?" Robert-"I should say
had. ! suppose you haven't heard
found nice little wife up in the noun.
tains." Richard-"Did you find out
who lost her?'-Boston Transcript.
The Inquisitive Visitor stopped at the
EDITORS desk. ..And do you file.ralf
| the communications that come I'M. lie
asked, interestedly. Not all of them,'
replied the editor pleasantly; only
those that need their English polished
| up" = Cincinnati Commercial-Tribun
The lilrarian's humor: What" we
ask of the librarian, do you suppose
| is the greatest library book in the world
the Boek-that is in the most de-
mand?. sCarnsgie's bank-book,' hs
respond confidently, without looking up
from his work.-Baltimofe American.
lie died in town this summer. Dur
| ing his last illness his wife nursed him
over the telephone from Newport; his
doctor treated HIM by telegraph from
Bar Harbor;'and Il letter. written from
the top of the Alps by his clergyman,
| was read over him at the funeral
| Life.
I'll have come" he began, address
ing her father, toto suggest to you
that Il union Of our families would"
I'm not in favor of unions" the testy
old Captain of Industry Interrupted.
| ,'and | will not submit the matter to
| arbitration. Good morning. '-Chicago
| Record Herald.
Miss Kamra Fecnd-"l'd like to take
photo of your Farmland at work."
Farmer Brown-'All right-ef yew kin
spare the time" Miss kamra Feenl
-sOh, this camera will catch him in
lust one-twentieth of secoad." Far
mer Brown--'sYes; but it'll take We two
hours few ketch him workin'."-Judge.
| is this commission house?" asked
the tall man. Yes, sir" said the COM
mission merchant. What can we do
for your" well, il you sell commits.
:ions, I'd like to buy one, If they're NOT
90 dear, for my son. l want a lieu.
nant's commission in the army, for
| .ay son wants to be soldier and he's
too lazy to go to West Point. "-Balti-
more Herald.
IF you leave all your property to
your second wife, your children will
certainly try to break the will" "Of
course. That's what want them to do.
i want them to have their full share Of
my money" Then why bequeath it
all TO your wife| "Well, you see, it
will be easier for my children to break
my will than it is for me to break hers"
New York Weekly.
| New Use for Bees.
Down OH Long Island the farmers
have discovered that persons suffering