The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-09-06

Vi AuIilOIs anu tuGfG IL little Danger INA +
he viii not give her plenty. of opporfuni-
ties to get rid of her superfluous nervous
energy in a thunderstorm of her own If
she will only have the same regard for
him and let him have the occasional
relief of being cross, petulant and irrit-
able without starting a family row. II
I should ever marry I would cut out the
Home. Sweet Home motto and have
framed upon the wall one which
read Only One Get Mad At a Time
Il never read Dissertation to
Wives, Advice to Young Matrons or
How to Make Home Happy that didn't
remind the seeker after domestic felic-
ity that the same chs~ms that win a
husband are powerful factors in keep
ing him. but for all that you see women
every day In the world who never seem
to have heard this homely, common
sense truth. 1t is such a palpable
truth that it must have occurred to ev-
cry one and that is why think it must
be much harder in practice than the
theory would suggest George Eliot
says that woman never values mans
affection after she is sure of it and that
is why SO many marriages are unhappy.
But know so many women who admit
with regret that their husbands don't
care as much for them as they did be-
miss the sentiment of their courtships
SO sincerely that I can't believe they
don't value their husbands love. But
It's true that they seem to take long
{.
to the mother hubbard dressing jacket
and curl paper habit. which is certainly
bad enough, but to a sort OF moral and
mental undresS as well in which they
reveal themselves after marriage. The
average woman appears to think that
life lease on a mans admiration and
respect goes with the wedding ring and
the marriage certificate and the priest
has no sooner let them depart with his
blessing than all the efforts She has
ma do rSf Of hof
quaintance to appear well in his eyes,
all the little articles and a1lurements,
the dignity, the reticence, seem to drop
from her like a cloak. She no longer
tries to be interesting or to appear in
terested in him. She is no longer con-
siderate of his feelings or amused by
his jokes Before marriage a woman
will listen politely to the same story
told by the lover for the seventeenth
time. Afterwards she heads him off
the ss0sond telling before he has finished
the first sentence with, Yes. you told
me about that or a remark even less
courteous. I don't know why it is that
a woman should be ready to turn
heaven and earth up side down, quarrel
with all her friends, break off every
relation of kinship duty and obligation
defy the right and break the law in or
der to marry a man and not be able to
make the least sacrifice, take the least
pains or show the least patience to
keep his love and make him happy.
1T seems to me that a woman makes
a great mistake in resenting her huS-
bands neglect 1 may be wrong in
this but think she ought to appear to
overlook it. A woman ought to have too
much pride to let her husband know
she cries when he forgets to kiss her
and never did see how a woman could
call her husband back or remind him of
such an omission. She wouldn't do SO
with her lover and I don't believe it
makes a man care more for her. OF
course she argues that it is never nee
essary with her lover and that IL she
didn't remind her husband he'd never
kiss her but I believe I'd try to worry
along without such forced expressions
of affection. The first time a man is
careless of his wife's feelings he is sure
is over and wouldn't it be more effec-
tive if, when he returned to her pen
inent and tender he found her as usual,
not pouting or sulking or grieving.
Every now and then it might be salu-
tary for a husband. particularly new,
spoiled husband, to discover that there
was something else in his wife's hori-
zon beside himself. He ought to be. and
to know that he is the PRINCIPAL inter-
est in her life. the paramount issue
but she might let him know that she
had resources within herself to help
her to survive his momentary GOODNESS
without a heartbreak.
But it is my theory that no woman
Gall d1lOIQ u pGIIIl1S IleE IuSDdnQ "
doubt her love for a minute or Sec
ond. Lots of people think differently
about this, I know, and say a man
thinks more Of woman he isn't sure
of but 1 believe that {. mans absolute
confidence in his wife's affection is q
great help to both of them. don't adj
wise a woman to pursue her husband,
and aff1ict him with her devotion but
she ought always to be responsive to
his tender moods. A good rule after
marriage as well az before is for the
woman to allow the man the ancient
prerogative of taking the initiative. In
that way she will never make the mis-
take of wearying him with her affec-
ton and perhaps husbands would do
more 1ovemaking themselves II their
wives didn't do SO much The average
wife seems to assume that responsible
ity as we'll as the church going for the
family and the husband naturally
leaves them to her since she's SO anx-
ious to attend to them. But while a wo-
man ought to be very careful about her
demonstrations of affection she ought
never to be cold or Indifferent and she