davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1902-06-19
A FUNERAL JOKE.

At the funeral of a lawyer of
state reputation who lived and
practiced in a town not far from
Philadelphia, and who was known
among his friends thereabouts as
an unbeliever, an eminent gentle
man from Philadelphia reached the
house after the minister had begun
the sermon. Not knowing how far
the services had progressed, he ac-
costed we'll known Quaker of the
town, who was a friend of the de-
ceased, and who was noted for his
great sense of humor, and, leaning
over his shoulder, asked in a Whisp-
er:
What part Of the services have
they reached3"
To which the quaker, without q
smile, replied:
Just opened for the defense. "
Philadelphia Times.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1902-06-19
A HUNDRED WAYS.

You might say he is drunk, in
toxlcated, inebriated, tipsy, full,
loaded, jagged; fuddled, tight, top
heavy, slewd, half-shot, half-gone,
overcome, overtaken, primed,
afflicted, elevated, exhilerated,
genial, happy, mellow, corned, ber-
~, wlney, groggy, boozy, soaked,
cnock-a-block, lushy, muggy,
cockeyed, muddle, jiggered, loggy,
llazy, dizzy, dazed, stunned, moory,
dopy, ossified, petrified, paralyzed.
He has a GLORIOUS or elegantly
Jag on, load on, a skate on. a bun
on, a branigan on, a shine on. a
Still on, an edge on, a skin full, he
has got cup too much, he has
looked on the wine when it
was red, he has a bee in his bonnet,
ne has an apple jack gait, he has
been taking little Of Paddy's eye
water or red eye, he has been
crooking his elbow, he has more
sail than ballast, he has his main
brace, we'll spliced, he has the sun
in his eye, he can't lie down with
out holding on,
He is half-seas over, three sheets
IN the wind, on his beam ends, un-
der the influence of the water, over
the bay, in the clouds of his cup, in
his pots, off his trolley, off his nut,
on a drunk, on a spree, on a ben
der, on a racket, on tear, on the
oats, he is full of mountain dew, full
of dope, full of forty-rod booze, full
of Jersey lightning, full of tangle-
foot, full of bug juice, he is full as
a tick, full as a lord, drunk as a
boiled owl on the ran-tan, or the
ree-raw, drunk as David's SOW, he
is weak (wabby) on his pins, all
|mops and brooms, moon-eyed, and
about to cast up his accounts.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1902-06-19
HINTS TO FARME RS

Raise large home supply of
sweet and Irish, potatoes.
Everything is valuable on a farm,
even, to dust.
Manage your garden as we'll as
you manage your farm.
Good management is the first
actor in all efforts to succeed.
A farmer is unfortunate whose
life keeps his incompetency and
allures always before his eyes.
The farmers wife who is a gard
ener is helper to the whole of farm
operations.
Have a good farm paper in the
home, and encourage all the family
to read it.
The farmers children are the
happiest little folks on earth. No
person raised on the farm and who
has afterward gone away from it
will deny this statement.
What are more delicious luxuries
for the table than fresh radishes,
tomatoes and lettuce2 and your
garden should supply these in
great abundance.
A happy, contented family on a
pretty and well tended farm is the
highest type of social relation,
whence may be found the fullest
pleasure Of life.-Selected.
Spend half your time to make
syour ground more productive. A
rich soil yields larger profits than
hard toll.
You should produce all the feed
stuff that you use on your farm. If
you do not your work stock will
likely be very often underfed, and
be unable to render profitable SER
vice to you.
Hire the best laborers you can
obtain. You will have to pay
higher wages, but more work and
better will cause you to enjoy a
higher satisfaction, and relieve you
of much worry.
Be liberal toward all the persons
you employ to do your work, and
treat them as you would like to be
treated were You in their circum-
stances. 1t is not wise nor profit
able to employ depraved or vile
pefsUiis.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1902-06-19

"Our little daughter had an almost fa-
tai attack of whooping cough and bron-
chitis," writes Mrs. w. X. Haviland, OF
Armonk. N. y, 'sbut, when all other
remedies failed, we saved her lie with
Dr. Kings New Discovery. Our niece,
who had Consumption in an advanced
stage, also used this wonderful medicine
and to-day she is perfectly WE'LL" Des-
.perate throat and lung diseases yield to
DR.. Kings New Discovery as to no other
medicine on earth. Infallible for Coughs
and Colds. SOC and. $1,00 bottles guar
anteed by A. G. Thornton, A. J.. D.
Rhodes Of Pelahatchie, A. @. Norman of
Cato. Trial bottles free.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1902-06-19
How TO Avoid Trouble.

Now is the time to provide yourself
and family with a bottle OF Chamber
lain's Collie, Cholera and Diarrhoea
Remedy. 1t is almost certain to be
needed before the summer is over, and
if procured now may save you trip to
town in the night or in your busiest
season. tits everywhere admitted to be
the most successful medicine in use for
bowel complaints, both for children and
adults. No family can afford to be with
out it. For sale by A. G. Thornton.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1902-06-19
CONVINCING EVIDENCE.

The Sutton Register mentions a
SWede farmer who has recently re-
turned from the land of his birth.
While absent his political faith re-
ceived considerable Of jar. He
found cCormick harvesters, of the
class that sell for SI25 here at
home, selling for So2, less than
half, over there. Wire nails, cost
ing S4 here, also cost S2.75 over
there. He is now convinced there
is a steel trust, which prevents
competitor at home and is protected
from outside competition by pro-
hibitiye tariff. David City {Neb.) }
Press.
The Hattiesburg Progress will
tell the truth, whether it shames
the devil or not. Hear It: About
the pWest down thing a man can
90 ADD be allowed BY the Lord to
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1902-06-19
Leads Them All.

zone Minute Cough Cure beats all
other medicines ever tried for coughs,
colds, Group and throat and lung tToub-
les,n says d. Scott Currin of Loganton,
Pa. One Minute Cough Cure is the on
ly absolutely sale cough remedy which
acts Immediately. Mothers everywhere
testify to the good II has done their little
ones. Group ID SO sudden in its attacks
that the doctor often arrives too late.
r. yields at once to One Min0t6 Cough
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1902-06-19

My little son had an attack OF whoop-
ing cough and was threatened with
pneumonia; but for Chamberlain
Cough Remedy We would have had n
serious time oil it. 1t also saved him
from several severe attacks of Group
III. ]. STRICKFADEN, editor World Herald,
Fair Haven, Wash. For sale by A. G.
Thornton
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1902-06-19
AN ADVERTISING MORAL.

The Boston Post says: Once
upon a time a donkey fell into a
deep hole, and after nearly starv-
ing caught sight OF passing fox
and implored the stranger to help
him out.
81 am to small to aid you," said
the fox, "but | will give Fyou some
advice. Only few rods away is
a big strong elephant. Call to him
and he will get you out in a jiffy."
i tes,tiae fox bad gone the dom
key hah thus reasoned: 81 am very
weak from nourishment. Every
move make is just SO much addi-
tional loss of strength. If ! raise
my voice to call the elephant, |
shall be weaker yet. No, will
not waste my substance that way.
1t is the duty of the elephant to
come without Calling
So the donkey settled himself
back and eventually starved to
death.
Long afterwards the fox, on pas
sing the hole saw within a white
skeleton and remarked:
If it be that the souls of ami
mails are transmigrated into men,
that donkey will become one of
those merchants who can never
afford to advertise. =
NUTS FOR BOYS TO CRACK.
Here is list Of questions for the
wide-aWake boys:
You can see any day a white
horse, but did you ever see a white
colt2 How many different kinds of
trees grow in your neighborhood,
and what are they good for' Why
does horse eat grass backward
and a cow forWard9
Why does hop vine grow one
way, a bean vine the other?
Where should a chimney be the
larger, at the top OF at the bottom,
and why? Can you tell why a
horse, when tethered with rope
always unravels it, while a COW al
ways twists it into a kinky knot?
How old must a grape vine be be-
fore it begins to bear9 Can you
tell why leaves turn upside down
Just before rain? What wood
will bear the greatest weight just
before breaking?-Ex.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1902-06-19

breathe pure air is to subscribe for
a newspaper and after the expira-
ton of twelve months refuse to
take it from the poStoffice or to pay
a cent for it. But some men-and
they stand out in bold relief as pro-
minent men-will do anything un-
der the sun that is mean and con-
temptible to keep from paying their
just debts.
Great is Texas. Her vast cotton crops
and marvellous oil discoveries amaze the
world Now follows the startling state
ment of the wonderful work at Cisco,
Tex, OF DR.. Kings New Discovery for
Consumption. My wife contracted a
severe lung trouble, writes editorJ. j.
Eager, (which caused most obstinate
cough and finally resulted in profuse
hemorrhages. but she has been COM
pletely cured by DR.. Kings New Dis
coverv." It's positively guaranteed for
Coughs, Colds and all Throat and Lungs
troubles. 50c and S100 Trial bottles
free at A. G. Thornton, A. L. D. Rhodes
OF Pelahatclie, A. G. Norman of Cato.
An editor recently ordered a pair
of trousers from his tailor. On try
ing them on they proved to be sew
eral inches too long. 1t being late
Saturnay night, the tailor shop was
closed, and the editor took the
trousers to his wife and asked her
to cut them off and hem them over.
The good lady, whose dinner had
perhaps disagreed with her,
brusquely refused; the same result
followed an application to his Wife's
sister and the eldest daughter. But
before bedtime, the wife, relenting,
took the pants and, cutting six
Inches from the legs, hemmed
them up nicely and returned them
| to the closet. Half an hour later
hersdaughter, taken with the same
companction for her unfllial con-
duct, took the trousers, cut off six
Inches, hemmed and returned them.
Finally the sister-in-lav felt the
pangs of conscience, and she, too,
performed an additional surgical op-
Ieration on the garment. When the
editor appeared at breakfast on
Sunday, the family thought High
Hand chief had arrived.
The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1902-06-19

Cure. Pleasant to take. Children like
1T. Sure cure for grip, bronchitis, coughs.
A. &. Thornton.
The Nome nugget., 1902-09-13

man by the name of Fake has been summoned for duty the petit jury. It does not follow, how ever that this will be fake jury.
The Nome nugget., 1902-09-13
GOVERNOR BRADY AND ALASKA

Governor John Green Brady has been talking again. Like that other eminent anh effervescing Alaskan, Joseph w. Ivey, it is habit that the govsr- nor has. And when he talks he usually says some. thing, charge that cannot he laid at the door of some of the governors enemies. Governor Brady is not orator. but he has homely, blunt way of put ting things that isconvincing. And his pcrtinacty is something to be admired. For years he has been talking and writing shout the agricultural possibli- ties of Alaska. He has been laughed at mocked and derided, but he has never swerved from his bucoc belief. His predictions are being verified. Alaska or Q considerable portion of it is susceptible of agricul- turs. Recently, printed in TIE NUGGET, a Seattle man named Fletcher arraiFned Gov. Brady before body known the Trans Mississippi Con- gross which met in St. Paul. Mir. Fletcher charged the governor with being the exponent of nolicy of oppression and repression principally far as we gather because Gov Brady is opposed to terri torial form of government at this time. Before the Seattle Chamber of Commerce Gov. Brady strongly denied Fletcher's charges He said he did not think the people of Alaska desired a territorial form of government yet, it would mean a great expense and the district is not ripe for it yet. However he favored delegate in congress The extension of the land laws urged People in Alaska cannot own lands other than mineral lands no matter how much they may desire to do When the mHing la WIS were extended the land laws omitted. In this connection Gov. Brady urges the re-enactment for 7 Alaska of the old donation claim law. and he claims that were such law passed Alaska would soon have tens of thousands of permanent settlers.
 Alaska is the poor neglected step-child of Amer- can possessions every other portion of American territory is better looked after than ts the richest of them all We need extension of the land laws to Alaska donation land claims might be given for the first few years to those who will live on and cu- " tvate them. Every favor should be extended to the honest settler and homeseeker, and to the mere land-grabber.
 We hope that Gov Brady will not grow tired the agitation for adequate laws should be constant and energetic, and if we are not greatly mistaken, with the interest taken in Alaska by President Roosevelt 1t is reasonably certain that congress at the next session will listen to the demands that have been made for years, and what is better act upon them
The Nome nugget., 1902-09-13
AID FOR THE POOR ESKIMO.

utis trits but nevertheless true remark that the United States government should make some pro- vision for the care of the Eskimo This subject has be referred to many times by THE NUGGET and each recurring year makes apparent the need of properly developed governmental aid for this poor and patient people,
 In all the years that missionaries have been on this coast it would that very little had been complished for the material welfare of the natives. Aisdirected missionary effort apparently only for the spiritual benefit of the Eskimo From our point of view believe, though it may be called rank heterodoxy. that the material welfare of the aborigine is quite as important as the spiritual.
 Ths government has spent many thousands of dollars in introducing reindeer into Alaskan wds, ostensbly for the othe native and for the better 1asnt o& his condition And after lapse of four years how many natives have been benefited |? Prob sbly dozen in all Alaska, certainly not more; the great majority are helpless than ever before
 The great influx of white people in recent years has not been beneficial to the native, except in superficial way. He has not been taught to be in- dustrious frugal by the white mans example. h. esd we afraid that he is falling into shiftless sseys, and would sooner loaf around the suburbs of
The Nome nugget., 1902-09-13
NOTICE OF FORFEITURE.

To Ed Eo:cA. II. A. BuchcuGu and Charles II.
 Clark. thri: heirs and assigns:
 You, ami each of you. aS your interests may 1ppcar, a.r 1-HeuY notified that the under. ;.ivDcd, Tn hcil1g Sea Mining 8 DcWsiupmt nt Company. Il corporation, has expended the sum of not less than two hundred GU!iar,, ts2id.0Jl in labor and improvements on each Of the fcllOw ing placer ID ,nil,. claims in performing tue Cu- nunl representation work for lhc years I!f9 and i'Dl for tLc purpose of holding said claims. which are situate in the Cape Nome mnilss district Hi'.tri2t of Alaska, known and de fcrihed follows: The Combination placer mining clajln, located August 1. ltsGl lugation certificate tf which filed in the office of the rytorder of ~aid district August 9. lsg9 and re corded in Vol XVI Ut page 'S. oi the records of said office; "l>o the Aspen placer m.Hina rlain which wd, rlcd in the ofsce of tl.c recorder uf said district August II. lS94. and recorded in Vol. XVI Gt page 99. of tho records of said oice. Said ltsor ps,S performed and improve mentS made at th. expense Of the undersigned as and for the annual rcprc@sntati of said mining claims for the said years of l!nJ and l9l aS reqaired by the provisions Of section 2!2i cf the Revised Statues ut the United states, and inc amendment thereto approved January 22d. isSa and the same was the alnuunt required fCr Said claims for said years.
 You are farther notified that unleSS within ninet! ('0l days after the personal service of this notice upou you. or within ninety WO) days after the putltcntiGn thereof you contribute czech your pGrEOn of such expenditure a~ a co owner. to-nf.. the sum of twenty-five dollars (f2o0D each for Ed Rotch and H. A. Bdchcnau their heirs or asStgnS. aS their interests may appear, in the said Combination placer mining (7.5.o1 each Tor H. A. Tuchenau and Charles II. Clark their heirs or assigns as their interests may appear ill the Aspen placer mining claim your rc~pccilYc interests in said claim will be forfeited la and become the property of the un- dersgned, co-owner, who has made he expclidi- turr aforesaid.
 Dated Nome. Alaska June 2s lar,
 TIE BERISG SEA MISING ,l Di- G-2S-3mS vELOPMENr COMPANY
The Nome nugget., 1902-09-13
SIMPLY A SUGGESTION.

It seems to TIE NUGGET that the merchants and business Of Nome shoull 'get together for tual help and ssf lrot.cton. This is perhaps impo ibi ity, since it is so difficult to find two who oi the same mind" We need not point out the fact that every kind of business in Nome is done, consequently competition is keen, and few people mixing the money which the capital invese anl the energy dis played should ensure. Business in None in short, is rapidly resolving itself into ques ion of the survival of the httest the strorge,t. Mtn who invest their capital and labor and time in a country such this fairly entitled to sul stanta al remuneration for their investments, b. those what they may. We do not think that "outsi e pr ce. should prevail in Nome that the scale of wlgei should be regulated by that which ole ta.n in the older settled communities of the states. And yet many line of goods sold in Nome at the present time, and for months past, at less than outside prices. The consequences are demoralizng and affect all branche; of human industry. Cheap groc- cries and other articles of consumption cheap wages just surely man cannot live by bread alone. And man should not be expected to work for the wage that he could get in perA c mate and under far superior social and other conditions neither should the grocer be compelled accept San Francisco Seattle rate for his goods. And yet we have stated, that is just what he is
 
 multiplicity of business houses. The natural desire to increase trade lead, to fierce competition, the pettors the first feel the inevitable results but in the end the who is thus enabled to secure the necessar:eS and luxurics of life at reduced rate is also the sufferer, for his earning capacity, if he labor with his hands or his brain both, will de- crease, well will the earning pacjty of the cap ta man invests in business under these conditions We free to confess that do not see how cx- sting conditions may be ameliorated, however slightly. There memorable economic laws which if violated bring their punishment We cannot help but feel the justice of the economic maxim that | man has should have the inalienable right to purchase in the market where he can purchase the cheapest, and sell in the market where his commod- ties will command the better price, Nevertheless we remarked at the beginning of this article we would like to see the business of Nome, and especially the merchants, act together. It would do all good and no harm could possibly result They could con- pare notes and discuss many questions and matters in way that would be profitable to themselves and to the community in which they have invested their means. Therefore submit they should meet in harmony for their interests identical The pros perty of the largest possible number of people is the desideratum to be attained.
The Nome nugget., 1902-09-13

sons town, eking out living best he may. lhln to fish and h"nt hs father cid.
 Tle government Of this nation is negiectfu oi his people. They ate uot wards oi the nation. they gre tn all ntents and purposes aliens and stra, gers. ,hsy may shiit to- themselves perish mi ably. The government nevertheless, has plain duty 70 perform. He need not become He pensorcr and Yagabcnd like q plain Indirn on a reservation, but
 there should he appropriation made to help these native. to Lcp them, elves. fho Eskimo need honest governmental supervision An agent should le .p- pointed for the Beirg coast to lock after ther vel .aro and al th em wlen.ycr it be found reces- gary This is ms.',r tlat should bc presented 70 con 1T, ss q its next session.
The Nome nugget., 1902-09-13
NOTICE OF FORFEITURE.
To T 1T. Harbour.

To T. T. Barbour:
 You are hereby notified that L the under signed. lave caused to be performed work, ser vices and labor ut the value of siUD upon each of the following placer mining claims. for the year !,Dl, to wit: Pearl bench. No. 5l9, Lucky Shot. on Glacier creek Lotie bench. on Rock creek: Nos. and ? on Franklin gulch: Nos. and [ on Batchford creek Nos. and below discovery on Borg creek. No. } on Scotch creek. in the Cape Nome mining district: Ben Gie's creek claim and Willow 'gulch Noslsia the Council City district all in the DStriyH Of Alaska. And you are further notified .ttlnt if yOu do not within ninety (B0) days from the date hereof cause to he paid to the undersigned your pro yOrtionate share of said expenditures aS cu-owner your interests in said claims will become the property of the undersigned. under section 2f?i. Revised Statutes of the United states. F. A. BENJAMIN
 Co-Owner of the Aforesaid Properties.
 Date. of iirst publication July j. letr?. <
The Nome nugget., 1902-09-13

Another deporablc loss Of human life in the breakers that lash the beach at Nome has been re- corded. At least two have met an untitnelv death despite the efforts of few brave to them from the angry, roaring surf Yet in Nome there is building recently erected in which is stored a ifeboat, gun and lifeline. Yet with to use this hfe-savng apparatus it night as we'll be in Timbuctoo, so far as any practical purpose is sub served The government sent the lfe-saving appa- ratus and erected the building expecting, we sup pose that volunteer lie-saving crew would be or ganized But it does not appear that this has been done and the already long list of fatalities that have occurred in the surf at Nome has increased And nc doubt, the list will increase from year to year, for human life is cheap. God is afar off and it's long way to Washington.
The Nome nugget., 1902-09-13

" The great storm of tive yeers ago which wrought damage approximating haH saliou dollars also began on the evening of Sept H.
The Nome nugget., 1902-09-13

TIE NrGGErs boiler plate contemporary is daily showing increased signs of distress and paresis. It has taken to writing letters to itself and furnishing ready made answers. The other day Purser D. F. Robertson of the steamship Ohio furnished the Nome newspapers with some information relative to the big steamship, noting the fact that it was on the Ohio that General Grant made his famous voyage round the world. Upon receiving its 'copy" forthwith the boiler plate foundry immediately indited letter to itself from "Counc City,' and used Mir. Robertson's article for it's sapeat reply Boiler platc thy name is fakir.