News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1902-04-09


the umseIer-CooIness of a De-
fendant--How Toughs FIippancy
Was Punished-Armed Neutrality.
Copyright, 1902, by Champ Clark
There is legend to the effect that
when Benjamin Franklin was minister
plenipotentiary and envoy eXtraordi-
nary to the court of Versailles and was
introduced to the beautiful and unfor-
tunate Queen Marie Antoinette and
she extended her hand to be kissed, as
is usual in such cases. sly old Ben as
tonished her and her courtiers by
clasping her in his arms and planting
on her royal lips a kiss that resounded
throughout the world. | confess have
always regarded that osculatory story
as apocryphal.
However that may be, one of Missou-
ri's governors INDUCED in one kiss
which was discussed universally in
Missouri and somewhat throughout the
country.
Governor Crittenden's most celebrat-
was breaking up the James gang, for
which he was both extravagantly
praised and numerically abused.
His second most celebrated act was
more in the nature of comedy than
tragedy. Whether he had ever heard
of Franklin's caper with the consort
of Louis XVI. | am not Informed. At
any rate, he closely initiated the captor
of the lightning on one occasion. lie
was in the flower Of his years when
he was introduced to the divine Pat
IT," and before she knew what the
handsome governor was up to he gave
her a kiss which excited debate from
Iowa to Arkansas and from the Mis-
sissppi to the mouth of the raging
Kaw.
Lawyers Not All Somber.
Some folks have an idea that law
yer to be of any account must be long
faced and somber countenanced. or
such tenacity and force is this theory
that Tom Corwin, the greatest humor-
list that ever appeared on the Ameri-
can hustings or at the American bar.
ture to a law class was constrained to
say (no doubt speaking from bitter eX-
perience): Young men, if you desire a
reputation for wisdom, never joke; be
as solemn as an ass" Likewise Proc
tor Knott declares that his famous
Duluth speech, which set all mankind
to laughing, ruined his influence in
congress as a lawyer. People were al
ways expecting something funny from
the brilliant Kentuckian.
Many others have concluded erro-
'neously that the practice of law is al
together dry and that court papers are
as devoid of humor as is the Great Sa-
hara of water. This is not true, how
ever.
A Rare Trio of Names.
Among the files of the Pike county
circuit court is a petition written by
ex-Congressman Colonel Pat Dyer for
Colonel Pat Donan and Colonel Ethan
Allen completely crushing the dry as
dust theory. Pat Donan, Pat Dyer and
Ethan Allen-a trio Of names rarely
equaled in this world. This Ethan AL
len is not the Revolutionary hero who
according to the historical works, de-
manded the surrender of Fort Ticon-
deroga "in the name of the Great Je-
hovah and the Continental congress"
By the way. some iconoclast has re-
Gently proved that he used no such
magnificent language, but what he
really said to the British commanding
Ia do nlI
out of that hole!" This Ethan Allen
is the pleasant journalist up in Lafay-
cite county. DOMAIN, as is well known,
was while in Missouri bloodthirsty
and irreconclable rebel" long after
the Confederate banner was furled for
ever and Confederate soldiers were
pursuing the paths of peace. He once
published a lurid account of "the Pal
myra massacre" and swore by all that
was holy that be intended to republish
ii with increasing luridness on every
anniversary of that bloody event. Sud
denly he removed to the hyperborean
regions of Dakota and just as suddenly
blossomed out as a stalwart Republic
an and performed the repentant rebel
SUI dNb WIN N"e SS'0S ~
audiences of the truly loyal. For
awhile he created a tremendous uproar
In his new role, but recently he has
dropped completely out of sight. How
ever, he once employed Colonel Dyer
as his attorney, and here is the petit
ton, which deserves a place in Dis
raeli's "Curiosites Of Literature"
A Remarkable Petition. ''7"'e-a.
"Pat Donan and Ethan Allen, plain
tiffs. versus the Louisiana and Nilsson
ri River Railroad company, defendant
in the Pike county circuit court, fal
term, 1873.
plaintiffs state that in 1870 ant
1871 they were and have ever since
continued to be copartners In business
under the firm name and style of Do
nan & Allen; that said firm was and i
engaged In publishing what is know
as the Lexington Caucasian, newspa
per ESQ called printed and published a
Lexington, Mo-; that the chief editor
said paper, to wit, Pat Donan, is al
unwashed and unregenerate rebel, Il
favor of a white mans government