davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-12-13

The parting shot: CLARA latter a
tiH)-"I presume you would like your
ring back?" George-"N Never mind:
keep it. No other girl l know could
use that ring, unless she wore it on her
thumb. "-Tit-Bits
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-12-13

''Wot does it mean?'' asked Penniless
Percival, where de song says, Drink
to me only wit your eyes'?' cit
means" announced Wise Wilfred, "dat
de loidy kin read de wine list, but dat's
as far as it goes. Baltimore Amer
lean.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-12-13

Remember, Pat, 1T is the hand that
rocks the cradle that rules a nation"
well, begorra. Yez may be roight,
but Dim fer thinkin' mesilf, it's the cart
we've got before ther boss; uts Their
hand as cradles Their rocks pivot rules
er nation. Elk.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-12-13

At the bargain counter: Charley,
dear" said young Mrs. Torkins, 81
have such bargain!" "Indeed?''
Yes; you told me that blue poker
chips were worth dollar apiece, and
| got a whole lot of them for seventy
five cents. Washington Evening Star.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-12-13

Lecturer-"And what man is most
apt to reach that elevation whence the
earth may be viewed as one vast
plain'?" Voice lin the audience)-
THE one that works in a powder
mill. Life.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-12-13

How it happened: Judge-"How die
you come to club this man so severe
Iy?' Well, yer honor. he
kept parfictly sthili an wudn't dodge a
single crack Oh made at him. Judge
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-12-13

But what will you do when all the
Vermiform appendices shall have been
removed?" The great surgeon smiled.
I was reading only today" he said,
that the stomach may be taken out"
without killing the patient?" How
funny you are!" exclaimed the great
surgeon, and laughed outright-Liff
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-12-13

Kentucky teacher (of infant geogra-
ply Glass; Tommy Blood may tell
US what a strait is" Tommy Blood
Its jis' tn plain stuff 'thout nothini
in it."-Ohio State Journal.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-12-13
HUMOROUS

A man feels blue with trouble. red
with rage. white with fear, yellow with
envy, and green with jealousy.-Balti-
more American.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22

What papers did he read? None
whatever. Not even his own paper.
The person expressed surprise, yet
he was told only the truth.
The one who makes a newspaper
from start to finish has no time to
read papers. least Of all his own pa
per.
By the time a managing editor has
planned and originated his editorial
matter. his news features for the day,
got the local state and general news
situation well in hand, has seen bis
proofs and heads. he has little time to
read.
lie ought 10 read his Bible, If he
don't look at single newspaper IN
the world. lie ought to read the best
English histories and classics and bio
graphies. and new books and maya
zines that are published.
He ought to let other people rea'
newspapers.
He ought to put all his ability AM
energy into making a newspaper tha
other people will read.
Men who write for newspapers a
$50 week read newspapers. Me
who make newspapers don't.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22
lr Make A pIFFERENce.

II sheriff had found Mcrrills body
or some alleged detective, the papers
would have given him great credit for
astuteness It would have been a
great discovery" lie would have
been on the scent etc.
But as only a woman found 1t, she
was reported TO be out blackberrying,
and accidentally stumbled onto the
decaylng body It was admitted that
she smelled the stencil, but she was
not deep or scientific In the matter as
a detective or sheriff would have
been.
A sheriff or detective would have
blazoned the discovery as something
almost equal TO a capture, and would
have promptly appeared with inter
views and he would have claimed
nothing less than the $1,000.
Such discovery by a mere woman,
and she out blackberryng, even If II
we're not true. amounts 10 not much
more than If a little dog had run across
the decaying body It lacks the dig.
nifty and the Official importance OF a
discovery by an officer.
As Il was only a wOma who found
tSe body she should have at least half
Of the reward offered for the return
Of the body alive or dead" She had
the sentimental instinct to clothe
the body in decent store suit and
put It In a second.class coffin.
An Official would have tumbled the
remains Of the dead ex-conyict into a
barrel or a gunny sack and would have
saved expense while claiming the re
ward. The Official would have had
fee bill and mileage bill against
the county or state besides A woman
discovery is always different
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22
PINE TREE BALLADS.

Holman y. Day has out his second
volume of way deouwn east Yankee
poetry Ills first volumn was UP IN
Maine aud had most hearty recep-
ton This new hook has illustrations
from l,te and the verses and the char
acter are rank in flavor OF the soil that
can be found only i'm lankeeland.
His humor is rare and his truth 10 life
Is realistic In the most intense de-
gree Tie calls them "rhymed stories
of unplaned natur," aud pictug,
esque phases In Maine Nankeelaud
from the Allegash TO the ocean.
Many OF the poems have appeared In
the greatest periodicals but here i'm
a hne volume they have a new setting
and a new life is given them. The
author aud his publishers are 20 De
congratulated. Small, Maynard A
Co, Boston
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22
STATE
GUARD
RETURNS
Encampment Was Dis
banded Tuesday Morning

The annual encampment OF the 0.
N. g., at Albany, was disbanded this
forenoon. and the citizen-soldiers, sun.
burned and covered with dust re-
turned to their homes by train. The
first Of the guardsmen to return home
were Companies A, Of Baker city, b,
of La Grande, and D, of The Dalles.
They passed through Salem In three
extra coaches that were attached to
the regular Albany local this morning.
A special train that carried the re-
malnder OF the troops left Albany
shortly after o'clock. Salem was
reached about 3 o'clock, and the mem
bers Of Company were glad to dis.
mount from the train and proceed to
the armory, where they shed their uni
forms and luggage, and once more re-
turned to the dress Of civilians The
boys all rejoice that the life Of the en-
campment was reduced to six days.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22
MARION
COUNTY
SCHOOLS
Decrease in School POpula'
tiOn the Past Year

The annual report Of County Schoo'
superintendent f r. Moores, OF Ma
rlon county, has been received oy
state Superintendent Alderman Inc
renort shows that the school popula'
tion during the past year has IalIeh
off from 9795 to 1886, with a CORE
amending decrease in the enrolment
from e343 to 5S7S. The average daily
attendance has dropped from 4oSo u
1857 The receipts for the school year
19o1.O2 were s12O,S4S.95, with expendl'
lures for the same period Of $lOl'S2l'z
as against Ss11S, ,3O3.S2 receipts, anu
s1O22t5.23 expenditures for the pre-
ceeding year
The average salary Of male teachers
has advanced from SASS to Si5I0
while there has been a slight reducuoI
in the average salary paid renal,
teachers. the average being dropped
from $37.2S to $551l.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22
To the Seaside and Mountain Resorts.

To the Seaside and Mountain Resorts.
Tickets are now on sale at all South
ern Pacific and Corvallis & Eastern
r. r. offices, through to Newport and
YaQuiua at reduced rates Southern
Pacific trains connect with G & L.
at Albany and Corvallis. All tickets
good for return until October 10, 1902.
On June % the c, & e. trains from
Detroit began leaving there at $3.50 a.
m., meeting the Bay train at Albany
at noon.
Passengers for Detroit Breitenbush
and other mountain resorts can leave
Albany the same afternoon, reaching
Detroit In the evening. Tickets are
on sale from Albany to Detroit at
$500, and from Corvallis az 1925, good
for return until October 10th. with
privilege TO get on train at any point
east OF Mill City.
The Southern Pacific Company have
now on sale round trip tickets from all
points on their lines in Oregon to
either Newport or Yaquina. with priyi,
lege TO return via either East or West
side divisions, in connection with
the c, & f. three-day Sunday excursion
tickets, good going Saturday and re
turning Monday, are also on sale at
very low rates from all S, p. and c
! q +, points.
! Full information can be obtained a:
to rates, time tables, etc, by applica
ton to any 5. p or c. & e. agent
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22
plentn ef Merk on the Enrms.

While number of able.hodied
young men can be found loiterlng
about the streets or loling In the
parks with nothing 10 do nor with am
bition TO do it ii granted the oppouuu.
10y, up on the Mohawk the farm hands
are SO scarce and hard TO get that wo-
men go into the hay fields and DO
mems work In order 10 save the crops
Austin Roots wife. daughter and son
are nov busy In their Mohawk hay
Held and George Nanelrs women
folks are proving themselves equally
IS good haymakers Efforts 10 secure
help have proven frlitless as men
eady aud willing 10 work are already
Employed while the professional bum, !
asrs viii rot labor at any price ana
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22
FOR PRISON sUPT. AT SALEM

Henry Downing's friends are con
ndcut that he will receive consldera.
ton at the hands of the Chamberlain
administration In his candidacy for
superintendent OF the state prison.
lie has been "A candidate for county
Offices and has been county chairman
when the party he represented was
hopelcssly In the minority. There is
strong feeling among the Democrats
that he Is entitled TO some appoint
ment for faithful services to the par
~
This alone should not cnttlc a man
to any Office unless he Is ft for it,
and II Gov. Chamberlain can find a
man better htted for the office In some
other part of the state he should ap.
point that man.
hut MIR Downing's fitness Is not
questioned lie Is a farmer and has
had experience In handling land and
management of men, His father was
superintendent of the prison and man,
aged about as we'll as any Republican
who has had H. So Il seems 10 run in
the family like the sailors wooden
leg.
Henry Downing will not be sore
and nght the party II he does not get
Il. Is the universal comment OF leading
men In his party, lie has "a record of
supporting the ticket and working n
selhshly for others. while making a
cleancut hght against the Repuhli
cans That kind of a man is apprcci
atod In both parties.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22
rAE nrwEY HAlR ResToRER.

The editor Of this paper told n
few years ago how a bad case OF
mango on his shorthairod English bull
dog Of four years standing was cured
by three applications Of Robert Bas'
ey's naptholeum.
That editorial was more talked
about and cut out and carried about
and read to people and copied Into
other papers more than any political
editorial he ever wrote, II showed
that people really have a family dog
more at heart than the welfare of the
Republic.
Il seems when Il dog gets this pecu.
liar amlction ho is inhabited from
stem 20 stern by kind of "A pest that
ls worse than a teachers institute on
a boarding house, and this naptholeum
dlslocatos its appetite In the same
way that paris green operates ON a
potato bug,
That AZ what cures tho dog. lie
isn't kept 80 busy but what a new
crop OF hair grows out and he Is Ia
all appearances az good as new. lie
begins To have time to hunt llca oc
caslonally and life In more worth liy
Ing,
The busiest man OF which history
has any record had the itch and was
the owner of a Waterbury watch
When he wasn't scratching himself
he was winding his watch, hut he
was an ldlcr compared to short
haired dog when this insect has
Jumped his Silet1 timber claim.
Mr.. r. T. Talkington, a member Of
the Greater salem Commercial cclub
who runs a kind OF an Illihee ON stat,
street had Il beautiful little Japanes,
black k-and.tan by the name OF Dewey
that had It's hair parted down th,
middle and all on one side boy thi'
same disease
newoy's ailmont attracted genera
attention until its life became a bur
den even TO Frank and some OF hi'
best friends would hardly speak {,
him when he was seen ON the stree
with Dewey
Someone told him about the won
derul properties OF Robert Baseyi
four legged henlouse destroyer whol
applied to shorthairod dogs In grca
mental distress lie had tried "a littl,
OF this, that and oyerything but wa.
shy OF a new proposition, Tie wa
about 20 consult nr Darrin or th,
osteopaths when he was advised {,
call In Dr Basey
Three applications of few drops
of nasey's naptholeum iu bath o
warm water has completely cure,
Dewey and his coat has come out al
oven, silky and sleek aa young mani
hrst moustache
The Talkington family are happl
over the result. and feel grateful &
the old doctor for what he has don
Tor the family pet They feel IN thei
hearts that no other physician O
school OF medicine could begin {
rcnovato little neWey's coverhd
had hegun 20 come out Ia patches hk
am old sofa Ia a family with too man.
marriageahlo daughter.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22

would be dear anyway at board and
clothes Eugene Register.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22

The following conversation was
overheard by a visiting lady Wednes-
day evening, just before the departure
of Company A for the annual outing:
"Jim thinks so much of me | did
hate to see him go. | am afraid he
might meet Tracy, and / know he
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22

We sell the greatest Of blood puri-
fiers, Rckers Blood Elixir, under a pos
Tive guarantee. Il Will cure all chron'
ic and other blood poisons. II you
have eruptions or sores on your body
or are pale, weak, run down, 1t Is just
what you need We refund money II
you are not satisfied. 90 cents and
800. d. j. Fry, druggist.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22
Amour REAplNo PAPERs.

The editor OF The Journal was asked
the other day Il he read the Oregon,
ians he was compelled 10 admit that
be AID not
nld he read the Statesman No
he did not When there MAS anything
Ia IL or Ia the OrOgonlan that people
thought he ought 10 notice they called
his attention 20 0, aud that was
enough
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22
RR,
Time Gard No. 20.

IL. AZ" arrive m Albany in
I.... sllne 20 connect with the S. P. soutb
pound .S Train as well as giving two or or
',a..', Sn,te hours In Albany before de
paTtHre ot 5. P north bound train 0'
Tram No. 2 connects with tba .
I, trains at Corvallis and Albanv ,i,' .
ing ia''.,, a,reeI service to Newport and S,S sS
,,,' ram 5 Tor Detroit Breltenbpsb .na
ouher mountain resorts leaves an anal1 sna
s' ;o0 p, m., after the arrivsl '''o..y ~ ~
SoulheIn Pacific south bonnd y, % SIe
nom Portland. reaching l M. ualn
5;45 p. m. De'rolt at
For further information ami,
> Turner, Agent, Albany 0tONE'
" N''n'Ss' Agent Corvallis
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22
WHAT IS THE USE

OF suffering from indigestion II you 10y.
cot What Won want, or Of starving your.
eeif to avoid such distress? Aeker .
Dyspepsia Tablets taken aitet e.,,' and
will digest your food perieclly, 'ue ohie
free you from all the dlsagseeao,S sage'sa,on,
symptoms Of indigestion and oysipep ysi,sp
sia. Eat what you like at any tllnS nS
and take an Acker tablet afterWaIu; al,ii
positively guaranteed. Your money WIZ WI,
always be refunded If you are noI oI, sHe ,,1e
isfed. Write to us for free salnPie'
w n. Hooker & Co, Bufalo. ~ n. l.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22

would run himself to death.
Second Girl-"Well he hsSeu ''',
last and he hung on so long that J.
thought he would bite chunk Out
uoral,-Be careful Of the dough
bovs. Baker City Democrat
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1902-07-22
THE DAILY JOURNAL
Members Northwest Afternoon News
papcr League.
on HoFER BROTHERS.

pally One Year, S400 In Advance.
pally Three Months, Si.0o In Advance
DAILY by Carrier, 90 Cents Per Month
Weekly One Year, St.o0 In Avanee.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1902-08-09
Lamp Boys of London.

Owing to the new acetylene lamps,
which appear to-day for the first time
on 1,200 omnibuses, certain group
of street characters familiar to Lon
doners are lost from view. These are
the agile lamp boys posted at vari-
Gus points along the principal routes
over which the omnibuses run. Their
chief duty consisted in clambering
swiftly up the bus and dexterously
removing, sometimes while the vehicle
was in motion, the old oil lamp, which
is to be happily seen no more in our
midst. The new acetylene lamp will
require no attention en- route and for
the conductor to light up it will only
be necessary for him to turn a small
tap. Before the bus leaves the COM
pany's yard in the morning an official
places a cake of carbide of calcium in
a small slot Beneath the lamp and,
beyond filling a small tank with water,
nothing else is required to provide the
powerful new ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
ter Gazette.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1902-08-09
The Law Of Reconciliation.

The baby epitomizes in the four or
five years before he grows into a
normal child the whole history of the
human race and is therefore an in
teresting object of anthropological
study.
Before he is born he passes through
a stage in which he is a fish with gill
Sits, then through the dog stage.
then through the monkey stage, in
which he has a perfectly apparent
tail. After his birth he represents
man in his rudest stage, speeches.
and without glimmer of intelligence.
Then he passes through the stone
age, through all the phases of the de-
velopment of the barbaric man, until
at last he reaches the upper plane OF
civilization biologists call this the
law of recapitulation-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1902-08-09
Transition of the cvpsv.

The gypsy has always been known
as horse-trader. Possibly he is about
to change his business from horses to
automobiles. At any rate, a band of
gypsies is this season travelling across
the country in a gayly decorated auto
mobile car. 1t is divided into three
compartments, bedroom; dining-room
and kitchen The body of the vehicle
is painted a deep green and the run
ning-gear is red. The decorations are
in gold. The chief of this twentieth
century gypsy band is enthusiastic
over the automobile. He is able to-
make fifty miles a day without any
trouble. As yet he is still dealing in
horses, but his. successor may prefer
to abandon horses altogether and to
go through the country with a number
of automobiles, which he will be ready
to barter in horse-trade fashion,
Worcester Spy.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1902-08-09
Millions for Irritation,

Britain has spent about O,O0O, 900
on the new Nile dams and other works
for controlling the great Egyptian
river and making certain of the crops
of the valley below, and that she has
invested the sum of $500 200. 900 for
irrigation purposes in India during
the last thirty years. A single canal
from the Ganges cost SIS, 900 900; it
has a total length. including tributar-
les and drainage cuts, of 1910 miles,
and irrigates over 1000, 900 acres of
land. These works in India, costly
and stupendous as they have been, are
regarded by the British as profitable
investment There are 5000, 900 acres
of land under cultivation in the valley
of the Nile. supporting population of
over 100000 people.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1902-08-09
The Pedigree Maniac.

OF all the forms of lunacy one of
the strangest is the mania for pedi-
gree hunting. The dtafls of the genoa
.ogical trees of the Towards or the
Cavendishes have, of course, a his
torical importance and are of i'm
nense interest, but the pedigree
maniac generally bushes himself with
much smaller game. Why any human
being should exercise himself with
the doings of the ancestors of Mr.
Jones-Smoth, none of whom were
persons of the slightest public or
social Importance, is one of the I'M
solved mysteries of life, remarks the
London Taller. In Ireland, especially
among the "squireen" class, this par
ticular form of imbecility is very COM
mon. Instances are by no means
rare of men of great natural ability
devoting a lifetime to the pursuit of
endeavoring to prove that 300 years
ago some particular ancestor of
theirs was in possession of farm,
of a few acres in extent, some years,
months or days earlier that it is stat
ed in some musty annals which no
sane human being ever read.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1902-08-09
One of the Census GirIa-

farms scattered through the p1ctuf-
esque Maryland hills, while yet others
seek pastoral seclusions beyond
the historic Potomac in the rolling
uplands of Virginia. Chevy Chase,
the suburb that Cleveland made IA
nous, contributes its generous quota
of government clerks.
The hour of nine is signaled by
the hosting of the stars and stripes,
which are run up over all government
buildings, token to the initiated that
the United States government has
begun it's daily routine of clerical
duties, and the administration of
official business.
Like any private enterprise. the
government is obliged to conduct it's
affairs on a systematic basis. 1t is
not all politics, nor congressional leg
islation, nor appointments abroad.
The enormous mass of work that is
done daily consists mainly of the kind
that is done in the great commercial
houses.
To do this the government clerk is
appointed, either through influence
or from the civil service eligible list.
Nearly 20 900 clerks are necessary, it
would seem, to do the clerical work
of the government in the departments
at Washington. The work cannot be
described with accuracy. 1t compre-
bends every system of office work
known to civilized man, and a few
systems known only to barbarians.
The individual clerk is representa-
tive of the class. In short time
he has learned to keep his mouth
shut upon all topics political, and he
has little to say about anything at
fecting the service as a whole
He will brag about the work of his
desk and work himself into a state
of pacific frenzy when promotions are
in order, but apart from this he is a
very lackadaisical fellow, noted
chiefly for his languid 1istlessness
whenever he walks along the street
or is not rushing to get to his Office
in time.
The subject of promotion" is an
endless source of conversation. II
hobs into every question up for dis
cussion no matter how remotely from
it the main proposition began. Hand
in hand with the topic promotion
goes that of influence"
There was a time, long ago, say in
the seventies or early eighties, when
the word promotion was synony-
nous with Influence" The relation
to-day, specifically, is very distant,
but if investigation could be had, ii
would be discovered that the words
are still united in a secret and power
full alliance.
Under such conditions it is scarce
ly to be wondered that the clerks
resort to all manner of subterfugss
to keep their names on the payrolls
of the United States. Between pay
days they contrive to do their work,
which in most instances is little
enough, and on the first and fifteenth