davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-14
MODERN FABLES
BY GEORGE ADE-cOpyreht 1902 by Robert Howard Russell

cared Cablet and the Sea became very rough. There was something out of Whack with the Steering Gear for instead of bringing up at his Boarding House he found him. self at another Rum Parlor. The Man who owned the Place had lost the key and could not lock up. Here he met several Dele gates to a State Convention of a Fraternal Order having for it's purpose the uplifting of Mankind. They wore Blue Badges and were fighting to get their Money into the Cash Register. In a little while he and a red-headed Dele gate were up by the Cigar Coun- ter singing, How can 1 bear to leave thee?" He put in an Apph- cation for Membership and then the next Picture that came out of the Fog was a Chop Suey Restau- rant and everyody reaking Dishes.
 Soon after, the Lights went out and when he came back to Earth he was lying the wrong way of his Bed with Blue Badges all over him trying to swallow a Bath Towel, which he afterwards dis covered was his Tongue. By get ting a Leverage under his Head he managed to pry it up and then sat on the edge of the Bed and called himself Names. He had nothing left over but the Cards given him by the Brothers from up State somewhere. He had a dim and sneaking Recollection that he had given his address and Phone Number to the whole Tribe and begged them to look him up.
 Not any more in Mine," said he, as he held Towel under the Faucet. Not for all of Morgan's would I look at any more of that Essence of Trouble. I wonder if I'll live through the Morning"
 That Day he lived on Bromo and Ice and the only Satisfaction this Life offered was the Fact that he was a Reformed Man.
 On the Second Day he could look at Solid Food without having a Spasm. His Hair stopped pull ing and he began to speak to the People he met. When asked to step out for a little while he lost his Temper and made little Talk on the Subject, proving conclusive ly that there was Nothing in it.
 AS he walked homeward in the Dusk he passed the Clubs and Cafes where those who Drank
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-14

high an tn low alike. It tears tn exalted firm their throne an ilivates tn lowly. So whin tn pris- idint got back to tn earth he wasn't prisidint amy longer but Tiddy Rosenfelt, 180 pounds iv man. An he done accordin'ly. If it'd been Willum Jennings Bryan, he'd we ast tn lhrolley engineer was he a mimber iv tn Union. If he cud show wurrukin' card he was entitled to bump amy wan. At worst Willum Jennings Bryan wud've written an article about him in tn Commoner, or if he felt unusually vinadicative, maybe he'd sind it to him through tn mails. Whin Sicrety Cortelloo come to firm a dhream that he'd jus rayfused a favor to Sinitor Tillman, he hauled out a little note book and got ready to take down something that cud be put on tn thransparencies two years firm now-something like-'No power on earth can stop American business entherprises.' But naw- thin that will iver be printed in tn first reader dropped firm tn lips iv tn chief exicutive. With two jumps he was in tn throlley mans hair an spoke as follows: No. 1 won't say it again. But I'll tell ye this much, barn-boss that was standin' by an heerd it, said he niver befure regretted his fa- ther hadn't sint him to Harvard.
 We know what Washnton said to his gin'rals an what Grant said to Lee an what Cleveland said to himsilt. They're in tn books. But engraved in tn hearts iv his coun- thrymen is what Rosenfelt said to tn throlley man. Twas good because twas so nachral. Most iv tn sayin's I've read in books sounds as though they was made be a patent incybator. They go with high hat an a white tie. Ye can hear tn noise iv tn phony- graft. But this here jim of emo- tion an thought come sthraight firm tn heart an wint right to tn heart. That's wan reason think a lot iv us likes Tiddy Ros- enfelt that wudden't iver be sus- picted iv votin' fir him. Whin he does amy talkin'-which he some times does-he talks at tn man in front iv him. Ye don't hear him hollerin' at posterity. Posterity don't begin to vote till afther tn polls close. So whin he wished to convey to tn throlley man tn sin timints iv his bosom, he done it in wurruds suited to tn crisis, as Hogan wud say. They do say his remarks singed tn hair off tn head iv tn unforchnit man.
 T don't believe in profanity, Hinnissy-not as reg'lar thing. But it has it's uses an its place.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-14
DIR. o. T. DOZIER, PHYSICIAN, SURGEON AND FIX
 PERT SPECIALIST.

Treats successful ly all N e rv o u s, Blood, Skin, Rec t & l. We n e r e a l Genito-Urinary and Chronic Diseases, Female Complaints and Delicate Disor- ders of Men and Women. Nearly all operations of surgi- cal character done WITHOUT P AIN to the patient.
 RRTA
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-14
MIR. DOOLEY'S VIEWS ON SWEARING.
By F. nne-copyisht 1902 by Robert How ard Russell

FIT instance, it is issintial to some thrades. No man can be a printer without swearin'. 'Tis impossible. I mind wanst wint to printin' office where a frind iv mine be tn name iv Donovan held cases an 1 heerd tn foreman say: What gintleman is settin A thir- typ he says. I am,' says pale gintleman with black whiskers who was atin' tobacco in tn rear iv tn room. Thin says tn fore man, sye blankety-blank black smith, get a move on ye. Dye think this is a annyooal incyclo- pejee?' he says. Ivrybody swore at ivrybody else. Tn little boys runnin' around with type prattled innocent profanity an afther awhile tn editor come in an he swore more thin anybody else. But twas aisy to see he'd not larned tn thrade iv printer. He swore with tn enthusiasm an in- acc'racy iv an amachoor, though l mus say, he had his good pints. l wisht I cud raymimber what 1t was he called tn Czar iv Rooshya fir dyin jus as tn pa-aper was goin' to press. 1 cud've often used it since. But it's slipped me mind.
 "Swearin' belongs to some thrades like printin', bricklayin' an plumbin. It is no help at all, o4 oII +A foi oI, 1e lxA haf dressers, dintists CT authors. A surgeon needs it but doctor niv- CT. It is a great help in unloadin' a ship an sailor men always swear-th' cap'n an mate whin wurrull is goin' on an tn men befure tn mast at meals. Sojers mus swear. They'se no way out iv it. It's as mssch tn equipment iv a sojer as cartridges. In vigor- ous spoort it is nicissry but niver at checkers or chess an sildom at dominoes. Cowboys are com pelled to use it. No wan cud rope a COW or cinch a pony without swearin'. A sthrick bringin' up is tn same as havin' a wooden leg on tn plains. Profanity shud be used sparingly If at all on childher especially girls-an' sildom on women, though I've knowed an an occasional domestic: Damn ye'er eyes to wurruk wondhers in reg latin family. Women can't swear. They have tn feelin but not tn means. Westhern men swear betther thin Eastern men though I mus say tn mos lib'- ral swearers I iver knew come firm Boston.
 But it don't do to use pro-fani- ty tn way ye wud ordin'ry wur- ruds. No, sir. Ye've got to save it up an invist it at tn right time or get nawtfin' firm it. It's bet ther thin a doctor f'r stubbed
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-14

toe but it niver cured a broken leg. It's a kind iv first aid to tn injured. It seems to deaden tn pain. Women an childher cry or faint whin thy're hurt. That's because they haven't tn gift iv swearin'. But as I tell ye, they'se no good wastin' it. Tn man that swears at ivrything has nawthin' to say when rale throubles come. l hate to hear annywan spillin' out tn valyable wurruds that the ought to save to be used whin tn shtove-pipe come down. Not that it shocks me. Pm a dimmycrat. But I know tn foolish man is hurtin' himself. Put a little pro fanity by fir rainy days, says l. Ye won't miss it an at tn end iv tn year whin ye renew ye'er lease yell be surprised to find But if you hurl it broadcast, If ivry time ye open ye'er mouth a hot wan tapes out, tn time will come whin yell want to say some thing scorchin' an yell have naw- thin to say that ye haven't said fir fun. I'd as soon think iv swearin' fr pleasure as iv lindin' money fir pleasure. They ain't too much profanity in tn wur- ruld. A good dale iv 1t has been used up since tn coal sthrike be- gun. Tn governmint ought to presarve 1t an prevint annywan firm swearin' more thin was nicis- sary fir to support life.
 q niver knew Father Kelly to swear but wanst Twas a little wan, Hinnissy. Dhropped firm tn lips iv a polisman 1t wud've sound ed like thank ye kindly But be Hivins, whin I heerd it I thought tn roof wud fall down on tn head iv Scanlan that he was thryin' to show tn evil iv his ways. Melia Murdher, but was gran. They was more varchue in that wan damn thin in a fastin' prayer. Scanlan wint to wurruk tn nex' day an he hasn't tasted a dhrop since.
 But tn best thing about little judicyous swearin' is that 1t keeps tn temper. Twas intinded as a compromise between runnin' away an fightin'. Befure it was invint-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-14
COLUMBIA INSTITUTE,
 (Sixty>Seventh Year.) COLUMBIA, TENN.

Strictly home school for girls, hence, with accommodations for one hundred, numbers are limited to fifty with the idea of giving not a boarding house, but a home with the best formative influences as to thorough education, care of the health, culture of the affections and the acquiring of the tue graces of woman hood. A handsome castellated building with ample grounds; golf. tennis and boating. Rarest museum and library in the south. Terms s250 a year. For casa- logue address
 MISS MARY A BRYANT, Principal. S-24-2m-su
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-14

Owing to the large number of invaiids who have called upon the British Doc tors at their office, corner Twenty-second street and Third avenue. and who have been unable to see them, these eminent gentlemen have, by request, consented to continue giving their services entirely free for three months (medicines ex- cepted) to all invalids who call upon them for treatment between now anI October 13
 These services consist not only of con- sultation, examination and advice, but also of all minor surgical operations.
 The object in pursuing this course Is to become rapidly and personally acquaint- ed with the sick and afflicted, and under no conditions will any charge whatever be made for any services rendered for three months to all wno call perose Oc- tober IS.
 The doctors treat all forms of disease and deformfties. and guarantee to cure in evary case they underta ake.
 Male and female weakness catarrh and catarrhal deafness, also var4cocele, rup- ture, goitre, cancer. and all diseases of the rectum are positively cured by their new treatment.
 Hours. to & sundavs. 1o to |
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-14

And every form of PRIVATE DISEASE. Sexua1 Weakness, etc., etc., are cured un- der plain guarantee.
 Ali condolences held invio1ate.
 Consultations at office or by mall in- vited without charge.
 rreatment by mail for those who can- not visit me e-..,
 medicines.
 free on application.
 nR DOZIER Is a graduate in every hranch of medical and surgica, science. has twenty-five years experience, a na- t,onal reputation and Is indorsed by the nress. national banks and thousands of patrons as the most expert and reliable specialist In the south.
 Montgomery Advertiser: Dr. Dozier is indorsed by the press and people of every section of Alabama.
 The Southern Odd Fellow: We cannot .dd anything to the reputation Dr. Q IT Dozier has already acquired in the 1inA of his profession, but we know him to he o brother Odd Fellow that can be relied m to carry out every promise he makes to those needing his services.
 Masonic Guide: Dr. Dozier comes from family of prominent physicians and sv,th his full store of medical knowledge and his large experience in his profession can be relied on to treat disease in the most successful manner.
 Aoe-Herald: His long record and ap- ~roved abilities entitle him to the proud disttnction of standing at the head of his Offices Third avenue and Nineteenth street, Birmingham. Ala
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-14
An Obsolete Idea.

From the Washington Star
 My dear" said the gentleman with gold-rimmed glasses. "can you recite Mary Had Little Lamb?"
 'No," answered the little girl. who also wore gold-rimmed glasses. The poem has little or no literary value and its spirit is contrary to our modern institu- tions. Since the organization of the Meat Trust, Mary would be lucky to get chop, without assuming proprietorship ot the entire animal"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-14

cd they was on'y two ways out iv an argymint."
 ''But I've heerd ye say man was swearin' mad" said MT. Hen messy.
 He wasn't fightin' mad, thin," said MT. Dooley.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-14

Js M OOHNN EHny
 D. P. A., Memphis, Tenn.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-09-14
THE DOCTORS EXTEND THEIR TIME

Owing to the Large Number Who Have Been Unable to See the British Doc tors, These Eminent Gentlemen Have Extended the Time for Giving Their Services Free for Three Months to All Who Call Upon Them Before October 18th.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1902-01-23
Old Soldier Frozen to Death.

rath, N. Y, Jan. 2o.--The lifeless
body of Dennis Donovan. aged "A
years, an inmate OF the Soldiers
Home. was found yesterday under an
old store house short distance from
the Erie depot. He had apparently
been dead for several days, and the
body was frozen stiff. He went to
Rochester on January for examina-
tion by the pension board, and was
probably returning to his home when
he crawled under the shed and was
frozen to death.
.ittsburg. Jan. 20.-rhe Pittsburg
committee Of the Mckinley Memorial
Association has raised 100000 for the
fund, and Vice President William Nc
Conway thinks this amount will be
doubled before Jan. 20, the last day
contributions will be received. The
largest check received from any one
nerson WAS 15 D0A-
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1902-01-23
Admiral schIey Shot a Deer.

Savannah, Ga, Jan. 20-Admiral
Schley's hunting party returned yes
terday afternoon from st. Catherine S
Island. The party secured a large
bag of game. Admiral Schley is
credited with having brought down
one deer. 1t was his first deer, and
member of the party said the admi-
raj was more excited when he pulled
the trigger than when off Santiago.
The weather during the hunt was SUI
perb. Admiral and Mrs. Schley left
this city for Washington this after
noon.
Baltimore, Jan. 1S.--James Richard
son, colored, aged 81 years, was found
frozen to death yesterday In the base
ment Of his home in Waters court.
There were no traces of food or fire
having been there recently.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1902-01-23
FATAL CRASH ON q. AND o.
Two Dead and Two Injured In Head
End Collision.

Parkersburg, w. Va, Jan. 20.-Two
freight trains met in headend COLI
sion on the Baltimore and Ohio
railroad, six miles north of here yes
terday killing the engineer and fire.
man of one train and injuring the
brakemen on each train. Ten cars
We're piled up, and both engines were
almost demolished. The dead are:
Engineer William Sorrel, of Parkers-
burg; Fireman Oscar Shank, OF Vim
ton, o. The injured are: J. w. Woods,
brakeman, of Newark, w. Va. and
s. V. Shelburne, brakeman, of Rad
ford, Va
Sorrel had orders to pass ct Vienna
Siding, but he was relieving his fire.
man, who was new and exhausted, and
passed the siding without knowing it.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1902-01-23
FEMALE INSURGENT CAPTURED
For Six Years She Commanded Eight
Hundred Filipino Troops.

For Six Years She Commanded Eight
Hundred Filipino Troops.
Manila, Jan. 20.-A report has been
received here that dug-out canoe, in
which IL men of Company l, of the
Second Infantry, We're travelling, is
missing and is probably lost. 1t is be-
lieved that the men either perished
or were captured.
General Wade has cabled from Cebu
that 365 insurgents surrendered on the
island of Bohol last Friday. The au-
thorities here say that this statement
is astonishing if accurate, as the Sc
cret service had failed to learn Of
the existence OF any such body of in
surgents ON Bohol.
An important capture was made in
Laguna province, Luzon. when eight
men Of the Eighth Infantry captured
woman insurgent named AQueda
Kahabagan. She recently commanded
an insurgent force of 500 men, 800
of whom carried rifles, while 500 were
armed with bolos. For six years past
she has been leading insurgent bands
against the Spaniards and the Ameri-
cans.
General j. Franklin Bell is still
active in Batangas province, Luzon.
A recent engagement in this province,
in which the insurgents were defeat
ed with severe loss, resulted in the
wounding of one American officer and
the killing of one private.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1902-01-23
Brakeman Burned to a Crisp.

Johnstown, Pa, Jan. 20.-One brake
man was killed and his body burned
to a crisp and another slightly in
jured in freight run-in yesterday
morning on the Pennsylvania railroad
at Portage, this county. The dead
man is John Mcfarland, of Mahaffey
Clearfield county, and the injured
brakeman is Harry McClain, of Cone.
maHsh.- McFarland's body was found
in the wreckage of the cabin OF his
train, burned to an unrecognizable
mass. 1t is supposed the dead mans
lantern set fire to the debris.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1902-01-23
Korea's King viii Pay Princes Debts

Washington, Jan. 20.-Prince Eui-
wha. the second son of the king OF
Korea, against whom a suit has been
fled by Wolf Brothers G. Co.. of New
York and Philadelphia. to recover
$50. 900 claimed to be due on a prom.
issory note, through an interpreter
said no defense would be put in. He
said the money had been borrowed
and spent The interpreter said the
king had been informed of the mat
ter and no doubt would send the
money to pay the debt.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1902-01-23
60 KILLED BY EXPLOSION
Working People in Spanish Spin
ming Mill Buried in Ruins.
ONE HUNDRED WERE INJURED
ExpIosion Took Place In the Even.
ing, When tho People Were Eating
Supper In the MiI-Injured Were
Carried Five Miles to a Hospital.


Supper In the Mill-lnjured Were
Carried Five Miles to a Hospital.
Barcelona, Jan. 20.-The explosion
Of the boiler of a spinning mill near
Manresa, Saturday. destroyed half Of
The village of Puente de Vilumara.
The hospital at Manresa is filled with
the injured. Sixteen mutilated bodies
of working people buried in the debris
have been recovered. These include
the manager of the spinning mill and
his two sisters. OF the persons in
jured fifty are not expected to re-
cover. The dead include many chill.
dren. The queen regent has wired
her condolences.
The boiler exploded in the evening,
when the mill hands, many Of whom
were accompanied by their wives and
children, were eating supper before
commencing their nights work. The
buildings of the mill collapsed entire
directions. destroying other buildings
and killing and injuring the people in
the vicinity. Owing to the darkness
the work Of extricating the victims
proceeded with great difficulty. During
the work of rescue there were heard
the groans Of the victims whose mu-
tilated limbs were pinned down by
the ruins.
A long line of carts and carriages
was engaged in conveying the injured
to the Manresa hospital, five miles dis
tant.
Sunday morning the inhabitants
went among the ruins, seeking the re-
mains of friends and relatives, while
the priests in the open air admins
tered the last rites of the church to
the dying.
1t is now estimated that 60 persons
were killed and 100 injured.
The search at the scene of the
explosion was continued during the
day by members of the Red Cross So
ciety and officials. Heads, arms and
legs. separated from the bodies, and
unrecognizable. blackened corpses
were found. The village Of Puente de
Vilumara Is desolated.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1902-01-23
PRINCE HENRY PLEASED
Says There Is Sailors Friendship
Between Admiral Evans and He.


Between Admiral Evans and He.
Berlin, Jan. 20.-Prince Henry of
Prussia, in talking over his plans of
travel with United States Ambassador
White at the dinner given on Satur-
day night by Baron Won Richie
hofen, the German minister of foreign
affairs. said he was especially pleased
with President Roosevelt's selection
of Rear Admiral Robley ID. Evans
to receive him in the United States,
as there was an old sailors friendship
between them.
Prince Henry, who is considerably
taller than Emperor William. will be
surrounded on his trip to the United
States by very large and tall men,
Admiral Won Tirpitz, the German
secretary of the navy, who will ac-
company the prince, gives the impress
sion of being more than six feet tall,
while General Won Plessen. member
OF the emperor's military household,
Is equally tall. Vice Admiral Won
Seckendorff, who will also be of the
party, is six feet two inches tall and
very large of form.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1902-01-23
NEWS FROM MISS STONE
Reliable Reports Say srieands' Cap.
Are Well.

Constantinople. Jan. 20-Reliable
Miss Ellen NJ. Stone, the captive
American missionary; Madame Tsil-
ka, her companion, and the latter's
baby are we'll. Negotiations, which it
Is expected will result in the early
and safe return of the captives, are
In progress. John G.. A. Leishman,
the American minister here, is now
directing the negotiations. He de-
clines to say anything for publics tion,
but admits there is ground for the
above report
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1902-01-23
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Terrible Fatality Attended Shock
in Mexican Town.
MANY HOUSES ARE IN RUINS
Stone Roof of Parish Church. at Chill
pancingo Fell In, Killing Several.
People Are Camping Under Trees
Around the Town

PdhCin9o feH IN, NiIhng several.
People Are Camping Under Trees
Around the Town.
Mexico City, Jan. 1S.-One Of the
most terrible catastrophes ever re-
| corded in the state of Guerrero is re-
ported to have occurred late Thursday
afternoon, when an extremely violent
earthquake shock was felt at Chilpan-
cingo, causing a great loss of life and
in1uring many persons. Details from
the stricken district are very meagre,
but reports received here indicate
that probably 800 persons were killed
and as many more injured 1t is
known that the state capitol, the par
ish church and many business houses
and residences are in ruins, and there
is much suffering as a result of the
awful seismic disturbance One of
the edifices that suffered most was
the Federal Telegraph Office, which
explains the scarcity OF news that has
reached this city.
The number of deaths was greater
in the parish church than in any single
place, as crowd of worshippers
were gathered there for the afternoon
service. The solid masonTy-walled
roof came toppling down on the wor-
shippers, as if 1t had been wrenched
from it's bearings by thousand
strong hands. Several people We're
killed there.
The war department has ordered
the troops in the neighborhood to CO.
operate in the work of rescue. Until
this work is completed it will be i'm
possible to learn accurately the num-
ber of victims. 1t is believed, how
ever, that this is one OF the most de-
structive shocks that has occurred in
Mexico. The greater part of the peo-
pie of Chilpancingo are row camping
out under trees around the town,
which is five days journey from the
national capital.
Earthquake shocks were felt in
many other cities and towns. IN Mex
leo City the earthquake took place at
3.15 Thursday afternoon and was of
such violence as to shake the most
substantial buildings. The Pan
American conference was in session
at the time and many Of the delegates
were greatly alarmed. The first
movement was very sharp. II was
followed by an easier movement
north-northeast to southwest, The
duration was 55 seconds. The dam
age in the city was only slight.
The state Of Guerrero has always
been the focus of earthquakes. Re-
ports received here state that the
shock was very severe at Chilapa. No
casualties are so far reported from
there.