davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
An old Organ.

The organ in the chapel of the State
Street Episcopal church, Portsmouth,
n. H., is said 10 be the oldest in Amer
lea and is To he taken 10 Boston for
exhibition II was brought from Lon
don in 1918 and placed in Kings chap
el, Boston, where ii was played by
benjamin Franklin. Ii was sold TO
Newburyport some eighty years after
ward, and in lNS6 ii was purchased by
the Rev. pr Charles Burroughs and
presented t. the chapel in Portsmouth.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23

Eyes, sir you simply start our auto
mobile pillow and leave it to itself while
you sit on the fence here in the shade and
enjoy your paper and a jug OF hard cider.
The plow viii go right ahead and break
up your field better than you could pos
sibly do it, and when it has finished all
you have to do is to press the button
here and stop it"
"Waal. couldn't You fix it SOS it would
kind O steer up here close to the fence,
sos | could press the button without git.
tin down ?-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
Monstrous Waves.

The waves that hurl themselves against
"Lot's Wife" one of the Mariana islands.
drench it TO its topmost pinnacle, about
800 feet above sea level, The tremendous
surf sometimes runs AT Baker island,
even without any strong wind, or per
haps the wind blowing from a contrary
direction. An unbroken wall OF water
twenty-five feet high and one-quarter OF
a mile long rolls in. threatening to delusc
the island and affording one of the grand
est sights imaginable. These waves are
said to be due to the southwest monsoon
blowing strongly in the China sea, many
miles away,-Chambers journal.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
4 Wise Mans Ignorance,

"Why is it that so few people seem
anxious to talk to Mr.. Csrpington? He
seems very well informed"
That's just the difficulty" answered
Miss Dimpleton. Hes one Of those
dreadful men who know enough to correct
your mistakes when you quote the elias
sizes and who don't know enough not to do
it."--W ashiugton Star
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
From Different standpoints.

Ethcl-Oh, at last. 1t has been years.
Alphonse, since / saw you
Alphonse-Oh, my own Ethel, it has
been Ccnturies
EtheI's Father (up in the library 49,
Mary Jane, who was that you just let in ::
Mary Iane-It was Mr.. Cumlots, sir.
Ethers Father--Great guns. This is
the ninth time he's been here this week
lie might as well live here.-London Tit
Bits
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23

WIEN HENRY COMES.

Whom Henry comes from Germany
Wen fire samtcs and things
And give him royal welcome for
Tho messages he brings,
Won bow and at his very smile
Have throhs and thrills ocstatic,
And quit the practice Tor a while
OF being democratic
WHOM Henry comes from Germany
Wen grasp his prlncely hand
And bless him for the word he brings
Is from the FathcrlHnd-
Wen dream Of Empcrors ana Kings
As still our blood relations,
Fer Oh we doto ON royal things
Despite our protcstatiOus.
Chicago RccOrd-Ilo lC
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23

"pon't you think Josiah is Kind o
disrcspockful in his way o talkin to u.s.
said Mrs. CorutosSel,
MANDY" was the reply, 1--WE paid q
heap o. money to elevate Josiah in IN,
world. He's got TO put on airs Over
somebody. an you an mes bout the
only folks that'll stand it 'thout hghtin.
--Washington Star.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
Opportunity Lost.

"John. they say there's only one kind
of mosquito that bites. Do you suppose
this ones that's buzzing around me is
one of that kind?'
81 don't know, Hold still, Maria. till
it settles down on you, and then you
can There, confound you, you have
scared it away. Haven't you any devo-
ton to science ?''-Chicago Record Her
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23


her will"
"It is a command, and obey it, But
let me ask of another matter that is
intimate to both of us. What of
Nais?"
"Nais rests where you left her, un-
touched. Phorenice knows by her arts
she has stolen nearly all the ancient
knowledge now-that still you live, and
she keeps Nais unframed beneath the
granite throne in he hopes that some
time she may use her as weapon
against you. Little she knows tho
sternness of our priests creed, my
brother. Why, even I, that attn the
girls father. would sacrifice her blithe-
~ f her death or rus spight do little
OF good TO Atlantis
"You go beyond me with your devo-
ton"
The old man leaned forward at me,
with glowering brow. Mhat!
Or my old bhnd adherence 70 the
ancient dogma has been sapped and
weakened by events. fou must BUY
it. Promise me Nals--and your arts, L
know can snatch her--and 1 Will be
true servant 10 the h1gh counclI 81 the
priests ana Will die IN the last ditch
IT need be Tor the carrying out OF their
order. But leu me see Nals given over
10 the tury OF 'hat "ahtoh woman
and shall nave DO lnwardS Ieft' eX-
eept to take my vengeance ana TO see
Atlantis plled up III runs as ne Iu-
neral-Stone'
ZaemoD looked al me bitterly. AND
you are the man the hlEh conncll
thought TO trust as theY Would trust
one of themselves Truly we are IN IA
age of weak men ana laih'leSs now
But, my loru-haE' must cull 5o"
brother stllI' we cannot De 100 nice IN
our choosing To-Day you are 'he oesV
there IS ana we must nave you we
niue thoushO you Mou'u ASK price
Tor your eeneraishiP' having once
Gaken oath on the walls Of the Ark OF
che Mysteries itself, that always, come
what might, you would be servant OF
the high council of the clan without
Nv "hN "irho"' mp ~ "N' '''iN my - "
But this is the age of broken vows
and you are dong no more than trlm
with the fashion, Indeed, brother per-
haps should thank You for being nc
more greedy IN your demands.
You may spare me your taunts
You, by selt-deoiaI and profound
search INTO the highest or the hlghest
mysteries, have made yourselt some
thing wiser than human; l have pre-
served my humanity and with 1T its
powers aud tralltes; ana II seems
that each or us has his proper uses
or you would not now come to me
Rather you would have done the gen
GRAZING yourself
on make warm defense, my
brother. But | have no leisure now to
stand before You with argument Come
to the Sacred Mountain, fight me this
%sn' S, upS,arS empress anu by my
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
Awful Possibility,

"What bold headland is that?" inquired
the stranger who was travelling on the
majestic Hudson.
THAT is ST. Anthony's Nose" answer.
ed the frequent passenger
"What disturbance it would make
unused the other, III he should ever blow
it."-Chicago Tribune.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
NO sINECURr FOR HIN.

"rhat place you mention is regarded as
n s,nccure," =, id the polite ian
"rhcn | don't want if answered the
applicant "MY Observation has been that
in order to hold "A siuocnrc you've got to
do enough hard hnstlinp iu active politics
to earn the salary half a dozen times
over Washington Star
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23

Prospective Boarder-But ] can't see
how lean dog can signify that you Keep
u good table.
Farmer-Why. it's plain as daylight,
reiphbor. You see, we allow the board
ers 70 eat SO much that there are no
scraps left for the dog.-Philadelph
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
Significant Philosophy.

81 am afraid higgins has met with re-
verses"
"What makes you think SOP
"IIe goes about with a gloomy look say
ing there is no such thing AS dsnterested
friendship That is almost sure sign
that a man has been trying to borrow
money. "-Washington Star.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
Very Recherche.

Miss Roche-So your play was a SUI
cess, was it? Both financially and al
tistically?
Mr. De Swell-Oh. bless me. neither
Merely socially Brooklyn Life.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
The Only Difference.

"If a man loses his life in trying to
shoot the Niagara rapids what would
you say Of hicl:'
II would say he was an unsuccessful
fool"
"Rut if he came through all right you
wouldn't SAY that"
mo, wouldn't In that case | would
say he was Il successful fool, "-Chicago
Post
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23

at is thought" remarked Dennis
"tha. the robberies are the worruk OF
sneak thieves"
Sneak thieves, is it?" replied Patrick
"Sure, an they must be bold sneak
thieves then."-Pittsburg Chronicle Tele'
graph.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
Good Advice.

That's good counsel the new preacher
gave u.s." said the deacon.
(Which isl"
"Love your neighbor while he sleeps,
but watch him while he akes."-Atlanta
Constitution.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
RetributiOn.

"Since the ossiied man has been max.
ing love to the fat girl he is harder than
ever"
well, hasn't he been making himself
solid T"-Detroit Free Press.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
Poor Young Things.

Watkyns-I hear that young FRESH
leigh and Miss Simplex are going to
get married.
Wilkyns-Yes; two souls without
single thong Journal
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
A Sportsman.

Willie-Eow would you define a true
sportsman?
Papa-He Is a D1an who believes Id
giving every kind Of game creature q
chance for its life and then is disgust
ed If the poor creature escapes with it.
Life.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
The Man For Her,

"The man marry" she said must
have a family back of him"
"All right" replied the widower. 81
nave three boys and little girl that are
fairly aching to have you be a mother to
them."-Chicago Record Herald.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
What We All Want.

'Man wants but little here below"
This summer how we've prayed
To get a little here below
One hundred in the sha del
Philadelphia Press
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
LOST ALL TIE MN.

Jauc-"G rover lad such miserable
Christmas month i'm all my life"
Martin" Whats the attcr?'
Jauf-"WhV, | got a silly H. and did all
my Christmas shoppn6 two months ago.
-DctrOlt Free Press.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23

"Pa. dogs got more sense an a cat"
"What makes you think so, Jimmiet'
"Why, pa, who ever seen nc
a-leadin a blind man roun' ?"--C5 .ago
Herald.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
squealins in il

Little Preston's mother, who was very
fond Of singing God Save the Queen"
was Mortified one day to hear the little
fellow shouting: God save the milk.
God save the milk" and took him to task
about it
We'll, mamma" said Preston. you
are always singing God save the cream
and if he doesn't save the milk first there
won't be any cream. Chicago News.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
Has His Agreeable Intervals.

UpgardSon Doesn't an extemporane.
Gus speaker always bore you?
Atom No, only when he tries to speak
Chicago Tribune.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
A Hot weather Vow

In summer let Us strive to cast our thoughts in
gentler mold
Next winter no harsh words we'll say about the
bitter cold.
Detroit Free Press
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23

Little Fred visited an old lady recently
who in commenting upon his likeness to
his father said, Well, you're a full
bloodcd Brown and no mistake"
Mamma, what do you think?" ex-
claimed Fred Oh his return home Mrs.
Wheeler called me a bloody Brown"
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
BY Inc YOUNGSTERS.
Another Bunch of Bright Sayings
From the Months of Bnb ss.

Willie aged lvcl-Papa, didn't you tel
me that If took care Of my pennies my
dollars would take care of themselves:
Hapa-Ies, my son.
N..lie-Then why didn't your dollars
take care of themselves the other day
when YOU lost your pocketbook?
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23

May, aged three. was watching her
mother knead some dough which squeak
ed rs the air bubbles We're pressed out.
Mamma" quericd the little observer,
shall | hit your bread with the poker"
What for, dear?" asked her mother.
Cause" replied May, II hear a mousie
something in it.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
A LONG HOVER.

My" cried the sparrow, admiringy,
"you can stay up in the all an awful long
time without resting, can't Nmlf"
"Well," replied the pigeon, modcstly, II
am pretty Coca at hovcline but I'm not
In it with South African cousin of mine
called the dove Of peace Mes been up
IN the air for years w.. ! Philadelphia Press
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
OF ABSORBING INTEREST.

He-Do you find it an interesting story?
She-Oh, very I'm so anxious to gel to
the end that really | can't help skipping
MeArl" oNery Other page. Chicago Record
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
HAS THE FORKS, THOUGH.

An Atchison woman spent SO much re-
Gently fer oyster forks that her family
will have to go without oysters all vim
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23

Cassidy-WhY don't We ate Yer dinner?
CascN-Shurc this is Froiday, an Dim
wondern'.
Cassidy-What are sc wonderin?
Cascy-Is turtle soup fish whin it's made
out O Philadelphia Press
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
EMERGENCY CALL

Shells this the insurance agency?
He-Ies, mann. What can ! do for
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
Overcome EVIL.

My subject also reminds us OF the
Importance of keeping our chief nipple.
nent for work In good order. l think
that young theological student on the
banks Of Jordan was to blame for not
examining the AK before he lifted it
that day against tree. He could In a
moment have found out whether the
helve and the head were firmly fas-
tened. The simple fact was the AK
was not in good order or the strongest
stroke that sent the edge into the hard
sycamore would not have left the I'M
plement headless. SO God has given
every one OF us an AK with which to
hew. Let us keep it in good order,
having been sharpened by Bible study
and strengthened by prayer The rea-
son we sometimes fail in our work Is
because we have dull ak or we do
not know how Alright to swing it. The
head is not ariCht on the handle. AZ
the time we want the most skill for
work and perfect equilibrium we lose
our head. We expend In useless ex-
element the nervous energy that we
ought to have employed in direct,
straightforward work. Your az may
be pen or type or yardstick or z
scales or tongue which in legislative
hall or business circles or Sabbath
class or pulpit is to speak for God and
righteousness, but the AK will not be
worth much until 1t has been sharp
ened on the grlndstone of affection.
Go right through the world and go
right through all the past ages, and
show me one man or woman who has
done anything for the world worth
speaking Of whose ak was not ground
on the revolving wheel of mighty trou-
bic. 1t was not David, for he wos de
throned and bounded by unhlial Alb
SALON.. Surely ii was not Paul, for h
was shipwr"cked and whipped witt
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1902-01-23
Superiority of God.

Those students in the valley Of
palms by the Jordan had physical
strength and hardihood that would
help them In their mental and spirit
ual achievements. We who are toiling
for the worlds betterment need Drawn
as well as brain, strong bodies as well
as illuminod minds and consecrated
souls. Many of those who are now do.
ing the best work in church and state
got muscle and power OF endurance
from the fact that in early life they
were compelled to use AK or pillow
or fail or hammer while many who
We're brought up in the uxuries of life
give out before the battle rs won. They
are keen and sharp of mind, but have
no physical endurance. They have tho
IA head, but no handle. The body is
the handle of the soul
oil tbnsn tyhn foil for thpir on
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1902-01-24
How Iengtrv Fooled "Aunt Louisa"

"Aunt Louisa Eldrodgc. who Is reported 10
be dying from pneumonia at her home IN New
York, II probably better known TO men and
women in her profession than any other actress
In the country. She never cut much Of figure
on the stage, but her efforts with the Profess
sional Woman's League and with the annual Gu
tertainmcnts for actors out OF luck and for stage
children have given her a national reputation.
When Mrs Langtry first came to this country
"Aunt Louisa" was engaged for ono of the
witches in Macbeth" Tor some reason or 9th
er the initial performance was delayed three
weeks. while the company called TO rehcarsc
every duy. As there Is usually no pay for re.
hcarsals all the members of the company were
sore. One morning AUNT Louisa" went TO tho
footights and exclaimed:
where is this Jersey lily? Who is she, that
she should treat American actors in this way3
Bring her forward
10 "Aunt Louisas" astoni-hmcnt voice from
the wings replied: "llerc ! am, Mrs. Eldredge.
Not more than three minutes late, | am sure.
Aren't you feeling we'll this morning.
".Iunt Louisa" stuck to her guns and spoke
of the injustice of rchcalsals that were not paid
for"
But" said Mrs. Lanstry, 'if You will step
in the managers office you will find that they
are paid for.'
company did not get their salary simply because
they had not called for it, "Aunt Louisa made
speech about such unusual generosity at the
league, but American managers have not followed
Langtry's example philadelphia Press.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1902-01-24
Opulence in Sight.

II was in the morning hours of ''bake day.
in the little out.of-the.way village. The mingled
odors of fresh bread, pies and cookies noaed out
of the open kitchen windows.
From one OF the smaller cottages at the end
of the street came a barefootcd child in a color
less calico dress and slat sunbonnet. With the
important air of heavy buyer she entered the
village store and handed across tie counter a
blue teacup. The proprietor took the cup, and
said in brisk tones:
''Wcll, Emmy, what does your ma want to-
day?"
''Plcasc, sir. ma wants an eggs worth of mo-
asScs," and she carefully placed large white
egg on the counter.
From stone jug little molasses was poured
and the cup set before the customer.
''Mr. Sniff" she said, as she took her purchase,
"fll be back in little while for some ginger
Ma said 10 tell you the black hen was on"
And the buyer walked with dignity out the
store door and up the village street 10 her home
-IIarpcr's Magazine.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1902-01-24
Was Not Hired as a Valet.

The following story is told by the Louisville
Post on Colonel Henry Wattcrson. OF the Louis
willie Courier..Journal, but it isn't like Waiter
son and therefore isn't true. But as story 1t
is worth hearing. 1t is supposed to have hap
pened as he was on his way from Louisville to
his residence at JetYcrsontown. When the South.
crn train reached Jeicisontown the Colonel got
off, and, walking to the baggage car. pointed TO
a market basket. and said TO one of the brake
men:
'lIerc, pick up that basket and bring it over
to me-"
The brakeman at the time was busily engaged
and paid no attention to Mr. Wlterson.
That gentleman again commanded the brake.
man to pick up the basckct and remarkcd
'If you don't bring that basket here i'm
mediately will see that you removed from
this rum
The brakeman looked at Mr.. Watcrson mo-
ment and replied: "Mr. Watterson. l was not
hired by the road TO be your valet
Somebody else moved the basket for the Col
onel.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1902-01-24
OUTLINE STUDIES
OF HUMAN NATURE

court clerk Of prisoner charged with some tri.
vial oifensc
"Phwat are yces there for but to foind out ~
was the quick rconder.
henpecked husband had his better half ar.
rested for assaulting him. The plaintiff was on
the stand.
and now. Mr. o'Toolc," said his counsel,
"will YOU kindly tell the jury whether your wife
was in the habit of striking you with impunityT'
"Wid what, sor2"
with impunity.'
She wuz, sor, now am then; but she ginerally
used TIL potaty maslor."
witness, testifying in a murder case, was
asked to describe to the jury the exact location
of fight Of stairs.
Explain to the jury" said the prosecuting at.
torncy, EXACTLY how the steps rum"
"Shursc, sor II ye shtond at tn bottom they
run mp, an II ye shtand at tn top they run
down"
In a suit brought by an instalment house to
obtain payment for suit of furniture, witness
was asked If he knew what ''quartored oak'
meant. Here Is his definition:
"lt mans thot it's thra.quarers poinc."-
Baltimore Sun.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1902-01-24
cullom Learned a Lesson.

Senator Cullom made call ON President
Roosevelt the other day and when he came out
OF the Chief executives room he was asked:
"Did you suggest to the president any candidate
for cabinet postionsY IL never offer advice
to the president" replied Mr.. Culom, ''regard-
ing cabinet positions | did that once and will
never do it again. When Grant was in the
white house ! thought | saw chance to get an
Illinois man in the cabinet, so / suggested his
name to Grant and pointed out some of his good
qualities. Grant arose from his table and, step
ping up to me, placed his hands on my shoulders
and looked Inc squarely in the face. Then he
said seriously; 'Cullom a president wants TO be
Just Us free from interference or advice when
he selects member OF his cabinet. as lie does
when he picks out his wife | would like to
see an Illinois man in President Roosevel's cabi-
net, but ii he wants any information or advice
from me he must ask for it. and lie has failed
10 do so up to date"
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1902-01-24
Looked Worse Than She Felt.

She was richly but inconspicuousy dressed ana
would have attracted no particular attention as
she stood on the corner Of fremont and Winter
streets had not her face, under white veil, been
writhing in Il series OF remarkable eontortions.
Several persons paused to watch ler ''make
faces" and then came feminine acGuaintahce.
"Why," exclaimed the newcomer, "what upon
earth is the mattcr?"
The facial eontorions ceased and were re-
placed by smile.
''With me? Nothing"
"But YOU looked as if you were suffering ter.
ribly."
''Never felt better"
But your face-you were twisting it into all
sorts of shapes"
The lady standing at the corner laughed and
held out her hands. in each of which was a
parcel.
81 was only trying" she said, "to work the
edge Of my veil down under my chin, ,"-Boston
Herald.