Sunday Washington globe., 1902-03-30
Should by No Means Read This
Libelous Article.
THE FEMALE CLERK
And Her PecularIties and short Com
ings-D -Disheartening Contrast Made
Between Her and the Male Govern
ment Drudge -- Rather Severe
Comparison bat Many Bitter Truths
Plainly Told

There is a tide in the affairs Of men,
When taken at the food leads on to fortune,
There is a tide in the affairs of women,
When taken at the food leads"
Lord Byron invites each reader, according
to his fancy, to supply the ellipsis above
noted, and the writer Rfom his view point
ventures the clause, Cod knows where?
What would he have said had he lived to
witness the garing immodesty of the age,
when the living skeleton and the fashion
able dummy model become competitors in
suggestive Nlewdness, and the sex runs riot
to unsex themselves by discarding their
necessary raiment-the very insignia of
womanhood for the passing vanity of aping
the masculine in every outward show
In the EyeHtAg Times of the 24th instant
appears the latest fashionable fad. Women
should ride astride a horse" by Belle
Beach, riding instructor to New York's
Smart Women" which, among other CLOS
saries of the anatomy, she states: Long
divided skirts are an abominatiOn. The
proper costume is a pair of breeches, cut
very full and top-boOts, a coat cut up the
back like a mans, and long enough to cover
the knees as she rides" These are smart
women-nOt ladies-perhaps they are
HYMbhS dW baVe for all we know. How
ever, there is a tide in the affairs Of women
which when taken at the food leads God
only knows where.
The great glory of the female sex-her
weakness--has passed, and with it has
vanished all masculine chivalry and disin-
terested gallantry-and always excepting
ladies-the growing hens may now revel to
their hearts content in all crude abnorm
whims and passing ecstacies
If the Civil War has forced us a few hun
dred years ahead in the progress of time il
has also in it's social Generalization adul-
terated by suggestion and conception, that
beautiful dogma, serene female modesty,
for since its close we see half grown
girl clerks employed by pension attorneys
in the examination and prosecution of pen
sion claims. from whose cheeks the blush
of shame has flown long before arriving at
maturity, and the Pension Bureau has be-
come par excellence 49, the paradise of
female clerks. The work in both should be
normally nauseating to every refinement of
innate modesty, but as a matter-Ex NEcEs-
STATE REI-the half grown girlsand women
seem to take very kindly to it, They seem TO
grow saucy. fat, old and modish in the
literature eofhemorrhoids. of chronic diarrhoea
fstula in ano, syphilis, primary and second
airy, gOnorrhOea, gleet single, double and
strangulated hernia, with gunshOt wound
of the glands-penis. They examine and
analyze all testimony and correspond with
the invalid pensioner, or his attorney, upon
each and all of these wounds and disabili-
ties with nonchalance worthy amazonian
danes. If suggestion is the base of
hypnotism there would seem sufficient here
to inebriate the mind.
In the face Of this Mrs. Ellen Mussy,
attorney-at-aw recently called down the
Civil Service Commissioners for equal
preference for female eligibles to appoint
ment in the departments. AS a lawyer
this lady should have known that the mat
ter of sex is optional with departments, and
the class of work quite frequently deter
mines the sex of the call.
II is about time to call a halt upon this
kind Of agitation for the benefit of the pub
lie service now overrun by females, but
pre- eminently from higher motives the
legitimate increase and health Of the race,
for we are rabiply becoming a sterile, petit
coat government This mental acrobatic
Civil Service examination Is but straw in
the female mind upon which to hang an
argument of mental superiority, for as she
is retrogressive in brain power the whole is
rapidly forgotten or becomes lapsed by non
user upon appointment, like ante-nuptial
display mplishmeuts-social bird lime.
Now, without fear of successful contradic-
ton, I assert that Notwithstanding this
boasted ephemeral superiority of Civil Ser
vice examination, there Is not one woman
in FIVE hundred in the departments (pro-
digies excepted) capable of standing up to
the work of a competent male clerk-fully
equipped-in continuity Of mental concen.
tration, painstaking or precision; exceptions
are generously extended to the females on
the side lights. such as time-keepers, tele-
phone dummies indexers, copyists in fact,
card writers, file clerks, bookkeepers Of the
names and addresses of the employed, fat
terers and tide waters (coDyists,) yet they
usually manage to capture the maximum
of salary for the minimum of solid labor.
True, as a rule, they are total abstainers,
but visit the MONDAY lunch rooms while
the animals are feeding and perceive, oh!
perceived the gluttons, with the manners of
the Esquimaux, displayed in the unsightly
expansion of the jowl while gormandizing.
Men are a thousand times more modest,
serious and cleanly when eating in public,
and much more temperate and choice. II
IS quantity rs. quality, with more sick leave
pills, powders and purgatives in favor of
the former The female is more punctual
in her arrival aud departure from Office,
but, because Of the time lost in the adjust.
ment of street effects, men are at their
desks and at work with much more prompt
itude and do not grudge half hour over
time to finish job, recently begun. While a
female would not give the Government
voluntarily, FIVE minutes overtime, she uses
every day Of her annual leave and as much
sick leave as she can coax or grab, for she
is an expert at playing possum In the
matter Of rendering fair days work for a
fair days wages, women are not in it, the
elasticity Of the female conscience is "a
thing Of beauty and joy forever"
AS typewriters, once in Office, retrogres-
sion is again the rule and not one in Fifty is
free from slovenly and slipshod work, so
that tits little to be wondered at If the heads
of departments designate the opposite sex in
the calls for appointments. With no earthly
vocation, and scared Of maternity. a type
writing drillery puts them through the
usual course Of sprouts to wade through the
tvpe uyriteria examination xvha,,re tt,a,- H.,