The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1902-10-17
:
7 y.1.s:;:;;IL2!ss!AafSS

oil Is good for mosqultoesF 1 thlnH
hard slan is better" Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
"Mannish sort of girl" as she real
ly" Very. She used the telephone
for the first time in her life today, and
she didn't glggle once"
Tough: "oh, Henry, don't cut your
pie with knife" Eliza, you ought
to be thankful l don't call for a can
opener."-Chicago Record.
Briggs-What's your idea of heaven
Griggs-Well, it's the way a man feel:
the first three days after he is home
from summer vacatlon.-Llfe.
Lls Object: Citiman-I see you raise
your own vegetables. Suburbanite-
MOL | simply plant small garden SC
ms to keep the chickens at home.-Life
Reporter--You are so confident OF
catching this criminal you must have @
strong olew. Detective-We have. He
didn't wear a Panama.-New Yorh
Sun.
"The singer has made great strides
In the profession, hasn't sheY "Yes
indeed. Formerly, when she received
an encore. she sang; now she usually
smiles"
A Clever Lawyer: "Is he a good law
yerf" "A good lawyer! Why, say!
have known him to prove the truth OF
what isn't so, and not half try."-Chi
cago Post.
Making love: "As a mere matter Of
curiosity, sir, l should like to know
how long you have been making love
to my wife?" 81 began, sir, when you
left oif."-Life.
Mother-Dld the professor propose
Daughter-Dear me, mother, he was
on the very verge of 1t, and | foolshly
happened to mention bacteria. DE
troit Free Press.
Papa, what is the difference be.
tween the smart set and the four hun.
dred" "Why, my son, the four hun
dred is limited to twenty-slx hundred
but everybody Is in the smart set. -
Life.
Our Two Great Glasses: The world
seems to be divided into two classes;
those who board, and envy those who
keep house, and those who keep house.
and envy the boarders. .-Atchlson
Globe.
And you still Insist that your flying
machine Is practical commercial
quantlty?" Il do" answered the bust.
ness-like inventor; ''if you don't believe
1t can show you the gate receipts. -
Washington Star.
Maglstrate-Now, I'll let you off this
time, but 1t must be lesson for you
not to be In bad company again. Pris-
oner-Gee whiZz! it amt my fault that
I'm here; the cops made me come
Philadelphia Record.
Lawyer Brief see that case of
yours is on. Jury drawn yet? Lawyer
Sklnner-Yes, and it's splendid one.
Lawker Brief-Above the average in
intelligence, eh? Lawyer Skinner-No;
way below it-Philadelphia Press.
At Two Dollars Il VISIT Yes, the
doctor has put me on the strlctest kind
of diet" Indeed. What is it?'
"Well, he says | mustn't eat anything
| don't like, and not any more than |
want of what | do."-Baltimor News.
"What are you doing?" asked the JUS
tice as the defendants counsel began
his argument. Going to present our
side of the case" Il don't want to
hear both Sides" replied the justice,
1T has a tindincy to confuse the coort. "
Driver-Did you mark the spot
where your comrade fell out of the
boat and was drowned? O'Lafferty-
Shure, OF did. OF took a piece av wood
an left 1t doatin' on tn wather at tn
very place he went down, sor,-Ohlo
State Journal.
The Real Thing: "Are you real In
dlan?" asked the investigating youth
of one Of the painted Indians who ac-
companied Buffalo BilPs Wild West
Show. "Surew replied the Indian; II
was born an raised In Indianapolis,
Indiana. ."-Exchange.
Mrs. Wederly (unmasking after the
fancy balD-Oh, but didn't fool you,
though? You had no idea that you
were flirting with your wife all the
evening. Mr.. Wederly-No, l hadn't;
you were so very agreeable was COM
pletely Observation-Disclosures.
The danger of little knowledge:
Don't you sometimes regret that you
did not devote more time to your edu-
cation in early lifeT" "No, SIR" an
swered the politician; "if / had learned
to talk grammatical the voters In my
district would think was putin on
airs and driftin' away from the hearts
Of the people."-Washington Star.
"Why did you insist on getting me
an upper berth in the sleeping carp
asked the habitually austere lady.
"Well," answered her lrrepressible
niece. 'you have been expecting for so
many years to find somebody under
your bed that thought 1t might re-
lieve your mind to have all doubts on
the subject removed at once."-Wash-
ington Star.
"Yes," said the young wife, Henry
and l had some words this morning,
and can't deny that he got the best
Of it" THAT will meyer do" returned
the experienced nelghbor. "You can't
afford to start In married life that
way" 81 know it." answered the
young wife. I've thought 1t all over,
and when he comes home tonight I'm
going to bring him to terms so quick
that he'll hardly know what's hannen-