The Savannah morning news., 1902-09-07

rety iv tn treasury an tell him who's
pitcher to put on tn useful valentines
we thrade FIR groceries.
But if Hor'ce Greeley was alive to-
day where'd he be? Settin' on three
inches iv tn edge iv a chair in TIL
outside office iv me frind Pierpont
Morgan waitin' FIR his turn. In tn line
is tn Impror, iv Germany, tn new
cook, tn prisidint iv a railroad, TIL
cap'n. iv tn yacht, Rimbrandt tn pain
Their, Jawn w. Crates, an Hor'ce At
Their awhile tn boy at tn dure says
'Ye're next, OF party. Shtep lively FIR
tn boss has had a Weehawken Pee
rooginy sawed off on him this morn
in an he mustn't be KEEP waitin'. An
tn iditor goes in. Who ARE YEP says
tn gr-reat man, givin' him wan iv thin
piercin' looks that whin a man gets it
he has to be sewed up at wanst. I'm
yee'er iditor,' says Hor'ce. Which
wan?' says Pierpont Number two
chifty?' Tahriff an tn improvement
" tn wurruld,' says Hor'ce. See Per-
kins,' says Pierpont. an the interview
is over. Now what's made the change?
mechanical science, Hinnissy. Some
wan put up nasheen that puts steel
billets within tn reach iv all. Hince
Charlie Schwab.
What's it done FIR tn wurruld? says
We. It's done ivrything. It's give us
fast ships an an autymatic hist FIR
TIL bod. an small flats an taste iv
solder in tn peaches. If anybody says
tn wurruld amt betther off thin it
was tell him that a masheen has been
invinted that makes honey out iv pc
throlyum. If he asts We why they amt
amy Shakesperes to-day, say: No,
but we no longer make sausages be
hand
"'Tis progress. We live in a cinchry
iV progress an 1 thank tn Lord I've
seen most iv it. Man an boy I've lived
pretty near through this wonderful
age. If I was proud I cud say 1 seen
more thin julius Caesar iver see or
cared to. An here / am, I'll not say
how old, still pushin' tn malt acrost
tn counther at me thirsty country
men. All around me is tn refinemints
iv mechanical JANUS. Instead iv
broachin' tn beer kag with a club an
dhrawin' tn beer through a fassit as
me Puritan forefathers DONE / have
that wondher iv invintive science tn
beer pump. / cheat mesilf with a cash
raygisther. I cut off tn end iv me
good cigar with an injanyous device
an pull tn cork out iv a bottle with
a CONTINUANCE that wud've made that
frind that Hogan boasts about, that
OF boy Archy Needs, think they was
witchcraft in tn house. Science has
been a gr-reat blessin' to me. But
amidst all these granjoors here am I
tn same OF Anticipated combination iv
bellows an pump / always was. Not
so good Time has worn me out. TIL
years like little boys with jackknives
has carved their names in me top. w.
ny day / have to write off something
FIR depreciation. 'Tis about time f'r
WHOEVER owns me TO wurruk me off on
a thrust. Mechanical science has done
ivrythlng fr me but help me. / sup
pose / ought to feel superior 70 me
father. He niyer see high buildin'
but he didn't want 10. He couldn't
come here IN FIVE days but he was a
wise man an II he eud'ye come IN
three he'd have stayed IN tn County
hogscommon.
''Th' pa-apers tells me that midical
science has kept pace with M hop
skip-an' "a jump ~ mechanical ingin-
Oofy. Tn doctors has found M mick
robe Ia ivryfhing firm lumbag0 70 love
an firm 5anaice 70 Jealousy, but u
brick bouneea On me- head lm Grated
uD a. same - ~ yors an ppt away