Sunday Washington globe., 1902-06-01
On Hysteria and the Great
Characters Afflicted.
PAINE, THE lNFIDEL
An Analogy After the Manner of
Plntarch With Our Military and
Patriotic Heroes OF the Day-The
Presidents Latest EmanatiOns,
Acts, Etc, Etc.


cred foratical, excitable. and extremely
emotional. Many insults have been hurled
at the natives of France for various actions
of theirs, which were frowned upon by the
sedate and stoical (7) citizens of the United
States.
Poor old France and the French has suf-
fered long enough at our hands. 1t is now
time for US to look in the national mirror
and scan ourselves to see what manner of
people we are. There has been some dis
pute as to whether United States is singular
OF plural. Waving our opinion on this
burning issue, we can all agree on one
point that the United States of America
has passed and in its place has stepped
strange collection of uncongenial people
whom we might fttingly term the people
of the Benighted States of Hysteria. Hys-
terra is both contagious and infectious. AS
a people we rise above all others, even the
much abused Latin races in the exhibi-
tiou of all the abnormal forms of mental
activity.
We, some of us, are rushing to the coro-
nation of Edward VII, forgetful of the fact,
that for what Tom Paine said of George III,
he was burned in efigy in a hundred Eng
lish towns. Paine did not stop, however,
for after helping to keep Washington in his
position as head Of the army and gaining
the independence for us, he lectured in
England against monarchical systems.
Finally he silenced Burke after barely
escaping with life from Paris, where he
went to help the revolutionists overthrow
| the throne. Paine gave a pretty fair ex-
ample Of courage in his day. His fame
| will never become less through the efforts
| of battle raised soldiers whose sole claim
to fame rests upon a grotesque dash up a
more or less altitudinous height Paine
after declared in his writings that he would
not accept one penny for his contributions
toward liberty or the uplifting of religion.
Paine would not be considered strenuous in
! these days of printers ink when it is an
ticipated that any ninny, who happens to
! be there" when something occurs, tells of
his part in the performance for so much
| per. Hysteria is a most peculiar malady.
For ages philosophers, sitting in mouldy
places, have cynically referred to women as
being the only persons afflicted with this
dreadful disorder. As a matter Of fact man
is more peculiarly subject to it than woman.
We were aboring under the impression
that we didn't have much use for his castil-
ian highness the King Of Esponala, but
along comes the President and halls Alfonso
as great and good friend" Confusing
himself, the administration, the Govern
ment, and the American people, he goes on
to say in his own sweet way that "on be-
half of the American people, etc, This
surpasses hysteria. This must be the ex-
hibition Of that literary seership that
clothes his With the Cougar Hounds,
with genius enough to be accepted by a
publisher.
Along this line might be mentioned an
indescribably. inane production of the
Presidents, concerning a Nightingale sing.
ing, which the Norm ARe1icaR describes
as prose poem.
Roosevelt is Dutch name. II will be
recalled in the consideration of hysteria,
prevalent nowadays, that the Dutch fought
the Spaniards for a brief period of twenty
years or more. Hence it would seem, did
not this frightful hysteria manifest itself,
that atavistic tendencies in Roosevelt should
naturally cause him to hate little Alphonso
On the other hand he addresses the sickly
/ Spanish king as though he had played
marbles with him at some time in his
| strenuous life.
/ We ought to hate Albert Edward We
can imagine what such a courageous genius
as Paine would say to the coronation out
fit and what his idea would be as to the
desirabiliIy of sending special represent
atives. The genius Of Paine was such that,
| perhaps the greatest compliment we can
pay him is to say that he was too useful to
be a President.
England had her eagle eye on the South
once and had it not been for Russia we
might now be wearing mourning for Vic
toria and be under the rule of an English
governor-general. Still we love her and
go into Mysteries and follow puny prince
around town. We feel honored to be able
to gaze into the bloated face of Albert and
exclaim, What majestyw Congress is
full of hysterical men, blown this way and
that by patronage or yellow journalism or
fossil journalism.
Atkinson and such men are regarded as
traitors" becaue they will not swallow
rape, murder and home looting, to say
nothing of other brutalities in the Phil
ippiues. Again let us think of Paine the
courageous genius His marvellous intel
lect was ever directed, in his time, to the
unmasking of such piginies as Lodge and
McComas and the other members of the ad-
ministration's mutual admiration society.
We need men like Paine, not in Office
/
lashes Himself in fury because he cannot
have the shades to come here and remove
from US the hysterical niunies who make
life one grand sweet discord.
Lodge arises IN his place in the Senate
and with a smile that would challenge COM
parison with the most seraphic discants
at length but says nOthing-that is nothing
sensible, nothing like a man. Massachu-
sets blood is cold. Puritan stock promises
little The makers of this country had
something in their blood besides the glib
berish Of Harvard OF the soft nothings of
Boston.
Hysteria rules us and we must not ques-
ton the rabidity of the claim to heroism
urged by persons who have enjoyed
the sweet fortune Of having their deeds re-
corded under a scare head. We know who
is responsible for these would be states
men these makeshifts for men. In every
penny newspaper Office in these hysterical
states, there sits a more OF less intelligent
man who daily manufactures a Frauken-