Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-05-15
SALARY So A WEEK.
PHILADELPHIA BUSINESS MAN
WANTS A STENOGRAPHER
satirica1 Reply Addressed by an I'M
known Man to the Merchant Who
Desired a First-Class Clerk at Wages
BETTING an Office Boy.

The following is not only interesting
but amusing. 1t Is a letter written oy
young man to Il Philadelphia mer
chant who advertised in the Philadel-
phia Ledger for an experienced stehoS
rapher and typewriter at s. per week.
1t is no joke. but a fact. 1t shows with
charming naivette how employers seek
experienced men at office boys sal
aries; and the rebuke in the reply Is
good-natured and humorous but, also,
singing The reply to the advertise
ment in the Ledger was as follows;
b. 2O3 Ledger Office:
Dear Sir-I beg to offer myself as an
applicant for the position advertised IN
this mornings Ledger | am young
man. 81 years of age, having had Il
business experience of twenty-three
years, being connected with the United
States embassy at Madagascar for
some time. and feel confident. If you
will give me trial. | can prove my
worth to you. am not only an expert
bookkeeper. proficient stenographer
and typewriter, excellent telegraph
operator and erudite college professor,
but have several other accomplish
ments which might make me more de-
sirable than ordinary mortals l am an
experienced snow -shOveler, firstclass
corn-husker and peanut rooster. have
some knowledge of removing superliu-
GUS hair and clipping puppy dogs ears,
aud medal for reciting "Curfew shall
not ring tonight" am skillful CHR
op0dist and practical farmer. can cook,
take care of horses, crease trousers,
open oysters and repair umbrellas, and
am also the champion plug-tobacco
chewer of Pennsylvania my splitting
record being thirty-nine feet six inches.
Being possessed of great physical
beauty, would not only be useful but
ornamental as WE'LL lending to the sa
cred precincts of your Office that de-
lghtful artistic charm that a Satsuma
vase or stuffed blllygoat would. My
whiskers being quite luXuriant and eX-
tcnsive. my face could he used as Il
doormat, pen-wiper or feather buster
l can furnish high recommendation
from Chauncey NJ. Depew. Jacob $.
CoXey. Kaiser Wilhelm, Captain Clark,
the prime minister to Dahomey. the
dog -catcher-general of TimbuctOo and
the Ahlloond of Swat. AS to salary. I
would feel was robbing the widowed.
of bread and swiping sponge cake from
the orphaned if was to take advant-
age of your munficence by accepting
the fabulous sum of So per week.
would be entirely willing to give my
services for less, and by accepting $l.37
it would not only give me clear con-
science. but would also give you an OPP
portunity of increasing your donation
to the church, pay your butchers bill,
keep up your life insurance, found
home for INDECENT fy-paper statesmen
and endOw free bed in the Cat home.
Really, old man, your unheard-Of char
ity borders on the supernatural and.
to the ordinary mind, appears like reck-
less extravaganza.
can call to see you any Saturday
night after II o'clock. or can be seen
any Sunday morning in the choir loft
Of our church Broad and Dock Streets,
where am at present employed as first
assistant Organ-blower and undersilldy
of the jantor. Hopefully yours.
SOCRATES M'GOO,
4-11-44 Ramcat Alley.
2. Snow. honestly. what kind of
man do you expect for So per week ?
DO you want one made of tin, or would
a nice, juicy, newly laid putty gentle
man fill tho hil11