The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1902-12-26
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


"And what is the matter with this
poor man?'' asked the benevolent Wis.,
itor '.Ah, poor fellow said the guard;
he went crazy trying to explain to
one of his neighbors how to vote a split
legislative ticket without casting his
ballot for the wrong man."-Chicago
Record Herald.
Mr. Wabash-Yes, I'm stopping at the
Bongtong house. Miss Eastern-Ah!
that's the most fashionable hotel The
Mr. Wabash-Wen, I've seen better IN
Chicago. All the swell hotels out our
way furnish silver mounted bellows to
blow your soup with, for instance
Philadelphia Record.
Il don't see.s said the sensible girl,
"how you could bring yourself to run
around l after that actor such con
TAKEN" replied the matinee girl. Hes
just as modest as he can be. Why
when 1 asked him whom he considered
the greatest actor in the world he
wasn't for him to say."-PhiladelDhia
Press
Chicago Tribune Had a brush with
other evening, did you? How did you
come out?'
I pasted him on the jaw. good and
hard" replied the other bill poster.
Philadelphia Press: Talking of
Ships said Mr.. Phunniman, Il suppose
courtship might properly be considered
Sometimes" replied Miss Loveylipz,
dreamily, 1T is nothing less than a SORT
Of Worship
Washington Star: "a man kin allus
tell whut he would do eff he was in an
other mans place. said Uncle Eben,
but de man dat gifts de place is de, one
dat keeps a-doin' an cuts out de
tellin'.'
New York Times: Gooligan and Hooli-
gan Con the way down from the TWEEN
ty-sixth story, the scaffold rope having
broken)- Gooligan!
"Phwat, Hooligan."
"Th' drinks thot 1 have the f1nesht
wake av tn two"
New York Times: Alma-wish me luck,
Carrie; yesterday the doctor gave me his
hand and heart
Garfield advise you to have it re-
paired soon as possible, then; only
last week he told me I broke it.
Detroit Free Press: Kidder-skinner
played a mean trick on his wife. He told
her if she learned how to cook he'd give
her a surprise.
Simkins-Did she learn to cook?
Kidder-Yes, and then he surprised her
by discharging the cook
Philadelphia Press: 81 came" said the
widow, Ito see if you wouldn't publish
something about my husbands death. ]
know you and he didn't hit it jest right,
but 1 thought mebbe you'd forget all
Madam" the country editor interrupt
ed. SAY more. 1t will be a pleasure
to print your husbands obituary.
Chicago Post: He told a funny story
and then looked at the various members
of the crowd anxiously.
No one asked him what he would have
He told another and waited.
Still no one spoke.
Gentlemen" he said at last, with in
finite sarcasm, this is what you would
call dry humor."
"One half of the world say to my
wise friend, doesn't know how the
other half lives
"Then," concludes my wise friend with
an air of elaboration. lone half the
world hasn't any neighbors. Judge.
Ripl Rip, Rip!
Amputate Saw.
Beef on the black eye.
Raw! Raw Raw.
Chicago Tribune.
rs this the cracked wheat, Jane?'
L dun know. mum. 1 amt looked at
it or teched it; an if it's cracked, it wuz
cracked afore I come here. New York
Observer.
Mistress (to new servant)-There are
two things, Mary, about which l am
very particular; they are truthfulness
and obedience.
Mary-Yes' m; and when you tell me
to say you're not in, when a person calls
that you don't wish to see, which is it
to be, mum-truthfulness or obedience?
London King.
Wabash wonder what makes Old
Gotrox dress so stability?
Monroe-His pride my boy.
Wabash-Why, how's that2
Monroe=He's afraid his customers
win mistake him for one of his clerks
Chicago News.
MY wife writes from Paris that she is
sending me a present that is very pref
ty, very French and more ornamental
than useful She adds that though it
is expensive, the duty will be light, and