The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1902-07-20

, the society and fashion writers would fain
have called her exquisitely lovely, ana
they would have stretched even two
points TO cal her so-but unfortunately
she had neck really to be compared to
that of a swan as to its length, and all
the people said, What nifty Miss Bilyun
has such an awful neckf Miss Bilyun
married a. European Prince to help him
on In the world. When she went across
the sea to restore his ruined castles and
bolster him up. the people of his princi-
pality, where money is not so plentiful
as in America. also suddenly discovered
that the long-necked Princess was beau
tiful as a fairy queen. Result of the two
influences combined-the abnormally
elongated neck became the high badge
of beauty aud aristocracy in woman.
Everything is made for the scraggy-
necked style. The poor girl with less than
five inches between her head and shout
ders Is as a summer hat two years old.
The unhappy short-necked girl has APP
pealed to the fashion writers to help her
in her distress. Stumpiness is an afflic-
ton more dire than freckles.
What have done to make my con-
temptible neck longer or, what Is all the
same, to make 1t look longer, would fill
book" writes one hapless victim to
her chum and confidant. Il tried wear
ing the famous single rope of pearls.
could not afford real pearls, so got
rope of limitations so perfect that not
even a woman could tell the dlnerence
just to look at them. But | wore them
to little July dance. and, would you
believe it, they melted away under my
chin. and that wretched Hornable girl
saw IL first and said: oh. my dear,
what's the matter with your pearls?
ney've dropped out and fallen from
around the front of your neck. What
dreadful loss 1t must be! Do let us get
light and search for them at once. And
there | was before all the people, morti-
| fled Just sick with nothing but a cotton
string around Nv throat!
Next a newspaper fashion editor tosd
me to get a black velvet ribbon band
| and wear 1t around my neck. though how
| that could make it look longer ] don't
see. Brother Dick. who Is as horrid as
he can be, said 1t made me look as
though my head was cut on Just below
my ears Then father and that Hornable
| girl laughed as though he had said some
| thing very witty.
I" 1t is such pity Dolabeila. said the
| Hornable girl. that you can't wear one
of those exquisite new embroidered col
| lars owe. wide ribbon, Nike me. 1t gives
such a distingue appearances
| If had not been attending Miss Ticks
| class on The Unattainable, I'd nave been
glad to wiring her scrawny. yellow neck
| on the spot. But l restrained my temper
becanse of my soul growth. Then that
| Dick spoke up and said y I'd come out
| to where his school carpenters tools were
/ he would hay me upon work bench and
| fasten my feet in the wise and then catch
/ hold of my head and pull az II, ana nc
was sure that would lengthen my neck:
do believe I'd haye slapped his face II
| 1t hadn't been for my soul growth and
that Hornable girl being there.
II was so put out that | went for COM
| fort to Miss Tick, wk0Siectures on The
| Unattainable and Vibra tons and is al
ways telling us to get into her vlrbra-
| lions. Miss Tick was right kind and went
| into her unutterable state for me. In
| that state she told me that desire wrought
| It's own fulillment and that II j would
1 Just keep wishing for a long neck and
| at the same time keep straining, and
! stretching myself up and up so long as
| lived then in my next incarnation 1
| would be born with a beautiful, long
| neck so that / could wear a stock as high
as Daniel Webster's IL 1 wanted to and
| not have II wilt
But that does not help me at all, and
was disappointed in Miss Tick. Long
| necks may be quite out of fashion before
| l come in my next incarnation. Then.
/ again. might be born man, and II
| there's anything that looks worse than
anything it's q long. seamy necked man.
| Ever your own DOME.