davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1902-08-27

Valet - Doctor. don't you find that
master is growing terribly thin?
Doctor--No harm In that, friend. lie
was getting too fat lie will be much
better In health when he is thinner.
Valet Disappointed Very likely, only
| shan't be able TO wear his clothes"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1902-08-27

do you think that dog is worth the
money you are paying for a tagp
mo, subj" answered Mr.. Erastus
Pinkley, "but you's got TO go TO some
expense fob dc sake Of social standln',
ism up-Washington Star.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1902-08-27

Friend-Have you sold that historic
al painting OF yours yet?
Artistic. but I've hired fellow to
write historical novel dealing with
the same period. Ii that makes hit,
can easily dispose OF the picture
Life.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1902-08-27

Old Gcntlcman--W Why are you crying,
my little man?
Small BOY (sobblng)I dreamed last
night that the school burned down,
and
Old Gentleman (sympathetically)-
Oh but don't believe that II has.
Small Boy Neither do |. kin see
the top Of IL over the hill
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1902-08-27
Al Lie Chilled IL

"But why" asked the man who al
ways wants to know -"why do you call
that little jump you make from tower
into the water "A leap for lifeY They
tell me IL Is not ut all dangerous"
well" replied the artist" don't
| make me llyin' by it?"- Cincinnati
Commercial Tribune
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1902-08-27
GnuIillnn mil.

Wife OF Eminent Philanthroplst-My
dear, what were you thinking of? You
gave that poor man only 10 cents.
Eminent Phllanthroplst-I know II,
Amanda. 1t will be $40 when it gets
into the unecdote column. - Chicago
Tribune.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1902-08-27
A Soft Answer.

keep yer temper, laddle. Never
quarrel WI an angry person, especially
woman. Mind ye, soft answers
aye best It's commanded, and, forbye,
It makes them far madden than ony-
thing else ye could say."-London Tit
Rits
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1902-08-27
CauuferI,nIunee.I

Mr.. Brown Darling. your butcher
gives you short weight for your money.
Mrs. Brown But consider, my dear,
the long wait You edge him for his
Illustrated Fits.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1902-08-27
M DtyersIou.

Nervous Employer-Thomas | wish
you wouldn't whistle at your work.
Office Boy amt working, sir; Im
only just whIstllng. Boston Tran
script.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1902-08-27

Everybody puffs 'Iambertville
Puffs"-even the newspapers. They
are the best Scent cigar. Kline makes
them and sell them, Wholesale aud re-
tail, at 20 Bridge street, corner Of
Commerce.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1902-08-27
He Ieuteut.

"You shouldn't judge man by the
cigars he gives you" remarked the
philosopher. "Some one may have CIV
en- them to m."-Cinclnnati CONNER
sial Tribune.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-01-10
A FETcHING DECISION.

Occasionally We come across something which effectually negatives the idea that the law is always a dry study. Some times it is repartee, sometimes the un- expected reply 1f witness, sometimes d quaint conceit of an attorney and occa- sionally Judicial opinion is as funny as anything in the best joke books Of this character is this reported decision of Judge, Sterling E. Toney of the Circuit Court of Jefferson County. Kentucky:
 A man was employed last July to spriu- kle paris green on potato vines to kill ladybugs, and on account of the heat he opened his shirt. with the result that he was poisoned by the paris green. He sued his employer, who entered a demur- Ter to the petition, and the learned judge sustained the demurrer for the following reasons: The plaintiff had no right in foro conscientiae or in foro externo, to make an indecent exposure of his person while engaged in killing ladybugs: the defendant exceeded the scope of his em- ployment sin sprinkling paris green else- where than on the potato vines, as his special and exclusive agency was to kiH ladybugs basking in the shade of saitf potato vines; the plaintiffs act in allow Ing the defendants paris green to come in contact with his flesh, instead of the flesh of the ladybugs, was unauthorized and ultra wires; the mental and physical suffering of which the plaintiff complains was the result of his own wrong in mis- applying the defendants paris green to purposes other than those for which he was employed to apply it, and, besides, is damnum absque injuria; the plaintiff in opening his clothes and exposing him. self to the ladybugs and the paris green
 was guilty of contributory negligence; the plaintiff knew as well as the detand- ant that paris green was poisonous, and if he did not know that paris green was q poison, then his suit should not have been brought in his name. but by a conl- mittee appointed to represent him.
 If this is bona fide opinion rendered by the Judge. 1t must be admitted that he Is a genuine humorist, and the points he evolves, and his method of discussing them are decidedly refreshing. If that unfortunate bug-executioner again finds it necessary to monkey with bugs and paris green. the chances are good that there will be no more indecent exposure" while hc is distributing his powders
 He'll be more likely to envelope himself
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-01-10

leavs ,him stranded hiot ana dry en the ehoree Of political h1gtofy.s neth n hn interview and hfs lecture he expressed l1ostiIify to the .fdea Of holding the Phil- ippine Islands, which ia a1l the evidence Necessary to convict him of being be- hind the timee and of riding backward. 90 that he can see nothing until he gets past it. The Philippine Islands belong to this country. and 1t were as wise or fool State of Ohio as 1t ssto talk of giving up the islands of the archipelago. Fro giessive and vital nations are like churches in one respect; they never part with real estate once acquired. Decayfng nations, like decaying land owners. are the only ones to surrender or dispose Of their acres. and they usually do this at a sacrifice.
 The, element that forced itself into the Democratic party, where 1t never pe- without policy or plan or principle, must surrender authority, and. as the come ,dians on the stage have it. Ego way back and sit down.. The party is drift ing back to It's ancient moorings, having grown tired of wind, enthusiasm, ana hysteria, and the. old principles will be brought down from the lumber room into which sthey have been, temporarily cast and once more exploited and fought for. These principles are too well known for enumeration here. Every Democrat understands what these principles were when the Democratic party was vital, national, and dominant force in the coun- try and before its sanity and harmony had been disturbed and destroyed by the sonorous Reclamation of Populistic wind hammers.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-01-10
ANOTHER CRANK

A violation of the doctrine of States Rights comes naturally to the Republi- cans, who are usually advocates of what they like to speak of as "a strong gov ernment," but we hardly expect it from Democrat, or look for a movement of that kind to be endorsed or supported by men of that Party, notwithstanding the strange things that happen in our politics. We find that Mir. Roberts, a Democratic Congressman from Indiana, has introduced a bill which provides for Federal extradition papers to be issued under which fugitive from one State may be taken from another without the consent or authority of that State.
 Such a law, it is seen, absolutely null-i fies or abrogates any State law on the subject. The Federal Constitution pro- vides, it is true, that fugitives from jus tice shall be delivered to the authorities of the State from which they escape, but it can now only be done by requisition upon the Governor of the State where the fugitive has taken refuge and that Governor can honor or refuse the requisi- ton as he sees proper. This new law ignores State laws and officials entirely, and we should have the spectacle of Fed eral marshals or their deputies entering any State and taking therefrom fugi- tive or an alleged fugitive without so ernor or any other official.
 This proposed law is on a par with Senator Hoar's proposition to make the Federal law supreme in cases of lynch ing, but he would be an unreasoning optimist who would expect the innovation to stop there. The camel in the fable obtained permission to put his nose into the Arabs tent, but he followed it up by entering and taking possession. The beginning sought to be made by Hoar and Roberts. would be a repetition of the fable. and no State would any longer have control of It's criminal procedure or be secure against the intrusion of Federal officers. We might as well have martial law at once, for it would virtually amount to that. The statement that these dan ReTOuS 1HuONdtiOHS arc ldNOIc0 py DtIub- crats is probably a islander, for 1t is hard to believe that Democrats would so far depart from the doctrines of the fathers as to favor one of the most dangerous departures from Democracy that has come within our notice in long while.
 It Is alleged that the object of MT. Roberts is to force the State of Indiana to give up to Kentucky the fugitive ex- Governor Taylor of the latter State, who is charged with murder, but if this is true
 it only adds to the impropriety and dan ger of such law. To enact such revo- lutionary and dangerous law for the whole country for no better reason than that one Governor is alleged to be har- boring and protecting a murderer, is as weak a defence for it as can well be imagined. Democrats should be an unit against it.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-01-10
To Cost $500, ,o0o, ,OO0.

Boston Transcript.
 The Russian people are asking them selves, How much is the great Siberian Railroad going to cost before it is com pleted? When the work was begun, about a decade ago, it was roughly estimated that $50, 000, GOO rubles would pay the whole cost It is now admitted that already there has been spent 430, ,000.000 rubles more than this original estimate. and put In working order throughout It's en- tire length the total cost will have grown to 1000, ,C0O.0OO rubles. or, roughly speak, ing, reckoning the ruhle at 50 cents, to $500. .000, 900, a sum almo& three times as great as the original estimate of the cost of the road. This sum is so enor- m ous that 1t will take a large amount of business to return any profit what ever to the government though we pre- sume that Russia looks upon this road as a matter of strategic importance. for certainly as a business proposition with out government aid such road would never have been attempted.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-01-10
A Wire-Grass Opinion.
Dothan Siftings.

Dothan Siftings.
 Fifty thousand white men will be dis franchsed in Alabama under the present registration and poll-taX clauses in the Constitution.-Geneva Reaper.
 No white man will of necessity be dis franchised on that account, but to the contrary. If 5000 white men willfully disfr anc hise themselves before they will discharge the least duty of citizenship ts pay the poll-tax, the small amount of $1.50 which goes to the public schools. then there are 5000 worthless white men in Alabama-men unworthy to vote-and the State can easily get along without their services at the ballot box.
 That there will be some few who will "pout" or decline to pay their poll-taxes, We do not doubt. but The Reaper's reck- less assertion of fifty thousand will likely be about like its two thousand against" in Geneva County. The idea that able bodied men between the ages of 21 and 45, cannot pay their poll-taxes of $150 per year. does not speak very well for that class-tbat fifty thousand The Reaper is so solicitous about. Let them disfranchise themselves if they wish to do so. There will be enough left to save the country"
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-01-10
PEOPLE TALKED ABOUT.
Interesting Notes of Some of Those
 in the Public Eye.

luJeIeSLluK NOtCS Ol 6OnAO VI A@sS~~
 in the Public Eye.
 Dii ector of Works Taylor is going to use balloon to direct the construcIlon of the worlds fair at St. Louis.
 Fifteen hundred pounds has been given ing of the songs of Scotland among the school children of Dundee.
 Mayor Low of New York refuses to per form the marriage ceremony, saying that to do so would take up time which might be spent to much greater advantage.
 Marsden J. Perry of Providence, R. l., the business partner of Senator Aldrich. is said to have in his library the best collection of Shakespeariana in America. It has cost him over $50,0OO.
 Jacob Cantor, the new borough presi- dent of New York. declares that among his first acts will be to give thorough scrubbing and cleaning to all the public buildings, including the school houses.
 Rev r. A. Mueller of Detroit, has made a careful. study of wireless telegraphy and has mastered it sufficiently to be able to experiment successfully between his residence and the Polish Seminary some distance away.
 Many persons in London stayed up all night New Years eve and many others got up unusually early next morning in order to be at the postoffice in time to secure the new postage stamps bearing a portrait of King Edward.
 Professor Wilbur c. Knight of the State University of Wyoming. is engaged in putting together pieces of a sea serpent which he discovered in 1895. The animal was sixty feet long and is one of the most valuable specimens ever captured.
 Thomas Fleming, purser of the Cum ard Steamship line. who is about to re- tire after a service of forty-six years, has crossed the Atlantic 92O times and sailed a distance of 2,76000O miles. The company will give him a life pension.
 Judge G. T. Moeskes, for the last twelve years County Judge of Outagamie County, Wisconsion. will soon retire. His official record in one particular probably is without a parallel During his entire term no appeal from his decision to higher court has come back reversed.
 MT. Carnegie has just erected within the Skibo Castle grounds in Scotland a magnificent salmon and trout hatchery. in which 15O.00O eggs are incubating in well-appointed boxes. In connection also with his Skibo and other estates in Sutherlandshire he is the proprietor of extensive salmon fishings in Dornoch Firth and along the Kyle of Sutherland. and there are several lakes, both natural . and artificial throughout his domains that are we'll stocked with trout
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-01-10
THE DEMOCRATIC OUTLOOK
Plain Talk Suggested by Senator TilIman Pessimistic Remarks.

Memphis Commercial- Appeal
 Senator Tillman. while in Memphis, ap- peared to be rather gloomy over the prospects of the Democratic party. Tech speak for the party. because he left It years ago and fought it bitterly while a member of the Pepulite party. He is still a conspicuous member of the Popu Qte party. but on Account of the frenzy and fever of recent years the Populists and the Democrats have drawn so close together that Senator Tillman had no diff ficulty in affiliattug with the Democrats. For awhile it was difficult to tell tother from which. Senator 'rillman thinks that the Democrats at the present time have no policy no definite plan, and no great principle to work for. He sees nothing for the Democrats to do except ito be opposed to the general cussedness of the Republican party" This was true In the recent past. but it is no longer true. The distinguished Senator has permitted events and conditions to slip by him, and he fails to apprehend the changes which are going on, nor can he welcome these changes because return to the original sanity of the Democratic party would
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-01-10
KILLED BY ROLLING Tod
Little Girl Crushed to Death I
 Tuscaloosa.

Tuscaloosa, Jan9.-(Special.)-T II daughter of MT. and Mrs. M l.. Sutt residing near the Bryce Insane Hospi{ was crushed to death by a log yesterdl A crowd of children were trying to sts the log rolling down a hill. The lit, girl was caught by the log which roll over her entire body. A doctor was sun moned from the hospital. but the chil was dead before he arrived.
 The Daughters of the American Revolt ton met with Mrs. l.. o. Dawson yes 'iterday afternoon. at her home on Pikt Street. Miss Melissa Wyman read an In. teresting paper on Horseshoe Robinson. Officers elected for the year 1902 were as follows: Regent, Mrs. Ellen eter-Bryce: ice-Regent, Mrs. T. c. McCorvey; Sec- retary. Mrs. J. J. Mayfield; Treasurer, Mrs. l.. O. Dawson; Registrar, Mrs. Flu gene, A. Smith; Historian. Miss Melissa Wyman. Refreshments were served, which added much to the enjoyment of the occasion.
 John T. Bealle. County Superintendent of Education, has bees kept very busy for the past few days. There have been seventy-eight examination papers handed in. There were six applications for Iifs certificates fI !, Tuscaloosa is making a strenuous effot to establish a public library. The Irving Book Club will present all of it's 19i books to such an institution if one $ established. |.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-01-10
A ll.- oooD DAY,s WORK.

The practical unsninity with which the Hepburn bin passed the House of Repre- sentatives yesterday is one of the most gratifying things that has recently trans pired In view of the unseemiy time chosen for exploiting the offer Of the Pan ana Canal Company. there was grave reason to fear that delay might ensue, when every moment is precious. In all the years that have transpired since the inauguration of the Nicaragua Canal idea, there has been no sign from the Panama crowd that would indicate desire on their part to sell. except at fabulous and ot-to-be-considered price. The great trans-eontinental railroad influences have been arrayed against the Nicaragua Ca- nal route from the start. In spite of the gained ground continually and now, as a last resort, comes a proposition to sell the Panama, failure for siO.Ooo.ooo. with probable expense of several hundred mil- lions more to complete it.
 The whole country is to be congratu- lated upon the firm stand taken by the House. The Hepburn bill is essentially a Nicaragua Canal bill, and when it reaches the Senate. Senator Morgan and the other staunch advocates of that route will give it strong and, it is to be hoped, successful support. It does not detract from Senator Morgan in the least that the House has first passed a measure of such vast importance He Is recognized the world over as the foremost Nicara- qua Canal advocate, and the impress of his work will be upon any measure of that kind that may become law.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-01-10
The statement Is madc that the new

The statement is made that the new corporation counsel of New York City, Mir. Rives. neither reads the newspapers nor submits to interviews We have been expecting something good from the new officials of New York. but fear this mem ber of it is going to be a failure. He may refuse to be interviewed, hut the reporters will get him. just the same. If they don't get him correctly, they'll get him some other way. ard if he thinks the New York papers will not print inter- views with him. he doesn't know them. 3 As to his not reading them, We suppose that is right which he has. If he pre- fers to remain in ignorance of everything but his law books. nobody can force him to be enlightened, but we pity him just the3 same. A public man who doesn't t read the papers might as well get him a tub and play Diogenes.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-01-10
Want the People to Forget.

Pittsburg Dispatch (RepD
 An obvious and curious commentary upon the record of the State administra- ton Is supplied by the news that. owing to the public dieapproval of the Gov ernor's recent course, it has been deemed advisable by the leaders to alter their original plan for an early campaign and postpone it until the public memory has been dulled by time. No more remark able confession has ever been made by a political organization. In effect it says that 1t dare not go before the public which it has outraged and defied. Its sole hope is in staving off the opening of the campaign until the furthest liUlit. seek ing thereby to escape righteous retribu- ton and at the same time shorten the period in which it must face the excoria- ton it has brought upon itself.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-01-10
CAR WORKS RESUME.
Plant at Gadsden Well Supplied
 With Orders.

Gadsden, San. 9.-(Special. 1.-The Car Works are once more in full opera ation and have about 15O men at work and will employ about fifty more as soon aa the foundry is completed. They have an order from the Florida East Coast Railroad for 200 cars, and are now ae work on them Captain Elliott has also an order for 800 box cars from the Sea- board Air Line, which win be built as soon as possible. The company has an order for 300 car loads of -6astings for the Pressed Steel Car Company, which will be made at the Gadsden Foundry at once.
 Many improvements have been made on the plant. The cupola which was burned some time ago is being rebuilt and the foundry will start in few days.
 The Knights of Pythias gave a most elegant banquet at cafe Monday night and it was a highly enjoyable affair.
 The Gadsden high school which is ono of the handsomest structures in the State, has been completed and will soon be occupied. It has been named the >"Disque High School'' in honor of Judge John H. Disque.
 Thomas RickleS. an aged and highly respected citizen of AslfvilAe, died at his home Tuesday at the age, of s2 years. His remains were inferred at Uniow Cemetery in the presence ofAa large cons course of friends.
 Andy Dorthard who was caught in Chattanooga last week. and who wag wanted here as one of the leaders of tho gang which robbed several wholesale houses here had his trial yesterday. He was convicted in two cases and waa fined $50 and thirty days on the street.
 w. P. Lay. has resigned as president of the Industrial and Commercial CIub. Captain Lay gave as his reason for resigning, that his bushes is such thai he cannot in justice to himself and family devote the time necessary to properly discharge the duties as president of the Association. Captain Lay Is chairman of the committee for the improvement of the Coosa River and this requires His fullest attention.
 There will be no term of Etowah Cham cery Court Friday as Chancellor Kelly Is still unable to preside
 Will West, one of the newly elected policemen Of MountanRory came to Gads- Zen and got on drunk and on feturn- Ing home proceeded to wnIp out the town. He shot at W. c. Hall. and was arrested. he had to be struck with a. club before he could be duieted down. 1e was brought to jail here where he awaits trial before Judge Lovejoy.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-01-10
sTICKFAsTNESs.
The Practical Result of MT. Bryan's
 Idea of Steadfastness.

New York World.
 Taking Andrew Jackson as text, Will liam J. Bryan says that "the Democratic Party needs to learn from the hero of New Orleans the lesson of steadfast- ness
 Standing fast is principle the virtue of which depends altogether upon where and how one stands. If man falls into d uuagmire the firmer he stands the deeper he sinks ''Steadfastness" then becomes suicide.
 This Is what happened to the Demo- cratic party in 1900 under the Bryan leadership. Tho crazy campaign of 1S96 landed ft in the mud of the last ditch. Stick fast" cried MT. Bryan to the Kansas City Convention as it almost succeeded in pulling itself out of the mire But thanks to MT. Croker and the delegate from Hawaii the poor old par ty was unable to eXtricate itself from the free-silver bog. and there 1t stuck fast while the Republicans, shouting in what MT. Cleveland called "ghoulish alee," swept the country and gobbled up everything in sight.
 And still the tireless voice of the twice. defeated candidate calls Taucousiy to the aounderine, helpless party: Stand fast! Remember your pur-rinciples,
 Poor old stick-in-the e-mud Democracy! win 1t again obey?