The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1902-08-20
THE PET GOAT
Of MELROSE
SWALLOWED A RAILROAD TOR
PEDo WITH BAD RESULTS.
Why the Widow Moriarity Mourns.
Some susquehanna County Per-
sonal News-Things Said Aside.
Notes from the Base Ball Diamond.
Another Lady Lawyer. at Montrose.
Ipeclal to the Scranton Tribune.

Special to the Scranton Tribune.
Susquehanna, Aug. 19.-The widow
Moriarity, Of Melrose, until Thursday
had a pet goat. which was the idol
Of her heart. She had nothing else
upon which to lavish Her great wealth
of affection. When asked by her
neighbors why she didn't marry again,
the widow would invariably reply:
"Sure, an Billie is company enough,
and he don't smoke, nor drink, nor
swear, and he don't stay out nights"
And the goat seemed to enjoy the
affection showered upon him, and as
he ambed along the Jefferson branch
tracks, picking up stray door scrapers,
oyster cans and couch springs, no
happier animal could be found. In an
evil moment, he found a railroad tor
pedo and instantly swallowed 1t. That
was the beginning of the sad end.
At supper time Billy came home, and
seeing a lace curtain upon line, pro-
ceeded to devour it for dessert.
Mrs. Moriarity ran into the yard,
and seizing the only end of the cur
tain in sight, pulled with might and
main, hoping to make the goat dis
the lace had gone beyond recall.
Then the irate widow threw a milk
ing stool at Billy, hitting him squarely
upon his side, when the torpedo ex-
ploded with terrific force. and imme-
diately the air was filled with smoke,
goat. lace curtain, iron ware and Mrs.
Moriarity. The widow was thrown
over fencesand into an elder grove,
more scared than injured.
After the railroad trackmen had
thrown a few bucketful of water upon
her, she asked: whatever happened
to Billy?" They could find but few
struggling pieces of the goat, a whis-
ker, the horns and a foot The widow
placed these in a cigar box, which by
moonlight and with tears, she buried
meath a spreading gooseberry bush.
And she mourns and cannot be com-
forted
IN SUSQuEHANNA COUNTY.
The funeral of the late George H.
Frazier, local editor of the Independent
Republican, took place at Montrose on
Saturday afternoon. An Industrious,
able newspaper man and genial COM
panion has gone to his reward. Green
be his memory!
The Free Methodist camp-meeting at
Thompson on Tuesday. The sinner
will be barred out on Sunday.
Miss Sue Strous. of Montrose, Is the
second lady to be admitted to the bar
of Susquehanna county.
The Dimock camp-meeting begins on
Wednesday, and continues for eight
days.
James Conrad. a Civil war veteran.
has had his pension increased from $24
to $50 per month.
The Susquehanna county Democrats
have not yet set the time for holding
the nominating convention.
ON THE HALF SHELL.
Half the pleasure Of going away on a
summer vacation is being welcomed
back by ones friends.
Many people are busy in this world
gathering together a handful of thorns
to sit upon.
When Robinson Crusoe landed upon
his desolate island he could for the first
time understand the feelings of the
landlord Of summer resort hotel on
rainy day.
The picnic girl, with winsome grace,
illuminates each sylvan place, and not
a charm she seems to lack until a bug
gets down her back.
The road to ruin runs through the
wicket gate.
iTitz, the fighter, is downed again.
Heaven notes the sparrer's fall.
Most of us kick when times are close
And business in lull;
But the scissors grinder makes the most
When everything is dull
JUST SAID ASIDE.
The outing season has arrived
The days are long and sunny:
His family Is out of town
And he Is out of money.
Anon.
A man who hunts rats may be called
q ratter, but a woman who hunts moths
Is not necessarily a mother.
A Scranton paper eXclaims "Our
dollar in danger" Been betting on the
wrong ball club?
Never take a sulky girl to ride in
buggy.
Hot waves are always popular with
the man who owns a soda fountain.
They had been balsting rocks in quarry;
Twas during the hour of noon,
When he smoked on IA big keg of powder;
And now there's two men in the moon.
SAWED OFF SHORT.