Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-12-22
y '%'5;:|'1'EnSHfS
x;I5zz'llEEoN

lCS there 1 make my ually Dfeau.-
Town and Country.
Grandma-So that is your parrot, my
dear! Ethel-Yes, grandma; but papa
says we'd better sell him now that
you've come to live with us.
"Why, Harold, I'm surprised You
should wait until the blessing is ask
ed" Il did ask NINE" "You did,"
"Yes: and God said Go aheadr -
Life.
Glass in history: Teacher-Jamie,
can you tell me why Lincoln is called
the martyr President? Jamie-'Cause
he has to stand for all the Lincoln sto.
rieS.-EX.
$50 you are going to get an automo-
bile?" Yes" answered the man who
is always thinking of his health 1.-The
doctor says | must walk more. -
Washington Star.
Mrs. Fortyodd-A man is as old as
he feels, but woman is as old as she
looks. Mr.. Oldbeau-Really, madam,
that doesn't apply to your case, I'm
sure.-Chicago Daily News.
The Browning clubs of Boston: "Do
you still read Browning in Boston?"
"Oh, dear, no. We all learned him
by heart long ago. We merely dis
cuss him ow."-Chicago Record Her.
aid.
Dorothy-Say, auntie, is religion
something to wear? Aunt Jula-My
dear, why do you ask such foolish
questions? Dorothy-'Cause papa said
you used your religion for cloak
Judge.
Fuddy-There is one thing about
Flanders that l like. He never has
anything to say about his aches and
pains. Daddy-No; but he's all the
time Dragging about his splendid
health.-Boston Transcript.
Miss Ascum-Wasn't that Mr.. Bonds
l saw you walking with last evening +?
Miss Coy-Yes. Miss Ascum-He's a
landed freebooter of the county, isn't
he? Miss Coy (blushing)-Well-er-he
isn't quite landed yet.-Philadelphia
Press.
She was teacher in one of the
lower classes, and she was trying to
remind the young scholar of the letter
+. Now. Tommy, what comes at the
end Of dinner" "Oh, yes, ping pong"
shouted Tommy, joyfully.-Yonkers
Statesman.
TOurist-Do these racing automo-
biles give you farmers much trouble =?
Native-No end NV it. It's got so now
that when we see dark, funeral
know whether to run fer gun or a
cyclone cellar-Puck.
Forgot himself: Mrs. Henpeck-We
hev bin married twenty years to-day,
Hiram. Hiram with a sigh)-Yes; fer
twenty years we've fought Mrs.
Henpeck (scowling)-What? You old
wretch! Hiram (quickly)-Life's bat
ties together, Mirandy.-Judge.
No call for leisure: What, you back
20 work. Pete? When l saw you fall
off the building yesterday l never ex-
pected to see you work again. II
fought dat, too, boss. But nah wife
done let nah accident assurance eX
piah last week. "-Indianapolis News.
with your new speciality? Second
Comedian-Did 1? Why the audience
gazed in Open-mouthed wonder before
| was half through. First Comedian
Wonderful. 1t is seldom that an en-
tire audience yawns at Chicago
Daily News.
care YOU the defendants" asked a
man in the court room, speaking to an
old negro NO. boss" was the reply.
Il amt done nothing to be called
here who does the defensing.' ''Then
who are you?' Use the gentleman
what stole the chickens"
Education" said the impassioned
orator, begins at home" That's
where you're off," said the calm spec
tator; ut begins in the kindergarten,
is continued in the boarding school,
foot ball field, Paris, London, and Wall
street, and ends in either Sing Sing or
Newport" life.
Cholly proudly)-By Jove! I'm quite
a professor of swimming, don't you
know. l taught Mabel Galley how to
swim in two lessons. Jack-Gad. That
was a quick throwdown Cholly Gn-
dignantly)-What do you mean? Jack
Why, she let me give her ten lessons
before she learned.-Brooklyn Life.
1.-THE new railroad has been great
blessing to u.s." says rural exchange;
"in less than six weeks we got enough
damages out of it to build town hall
and grade the cemetery. A few more
enterprises Of this kind, and our town
will rise to heights undreamed of in
the history of new settlements"
lanta Constitution.
Easily Explained: Nurse (of insane
asylum)-I can't make out what ails
that new patient. She keeps scream
ing, Mondays in January, first and
third Thursdays, Sunday afternoons,
second and fourth Wednesdays, Tues
day evenings in February" and things
like that. House Doctor That's easy.
cho,e n cooiotv woman trviuo tn l,oon