The Birmingham age-herald., 1902-11-16

 ponents often strove to witheringly desig- nate him. ''the son of his father" since that sound old gentleman was the wealthiest farmer In that section, with but one son and heir to, in time, sup plant him in the role of "country god, and haply perpetuate the prouder title of "the biggest taxpayer on the assess ment list" And this fact, too fortunate as it would seem, was doubtless the in- direct occasion of liberal percentage of all Johns misfortunes. From his earliest school days in the little, up to his tardy graduation from a distant college, the influence of his fathers wealth invited his procrastination, humored it's results, encouraged the laxity of his ambition, land even now,' as John used in bitter irony, to put It. 1t is aiding and abet- ting me in the ostensible practice of my chosen profession, listless, aimless man of forty and con frmed bachelor at thatl" At the utter ance of this self depreciating statement. John generally jerked his legs down from the top of his desk; and rising and kick ing his chair back to the wall, he would stump around his filtered office till the manilla carpet steamed with dust. Then he would wildly break away, seeking refuge either in the open street or in his room at the old-time tavern, The Eagle House, where he would say, T have lodged and boarded I do solemnly asseverate, for a long, unbroken, middle aged eternity of ten years, and can yet assert in the words of the more fortun- ately-dying Webster, that T still live! !"
 Extravagantly satirical as he was at times, John had always an indefinable drollery about him that made him agree able company to his friends, at least; and such an admiring friend he had con- stantly at hand in the person of Bert Haines. Both were Bohemians in natural tendency, and though John was far in Bert's advance in point of age, he found the young man Just the kind of a fel- low to have around:' while Bert, in turn, held his senior tn profound esteem looked up to him, in fact, and in even his eccentricities strove to pattern after him. And so it was. when summer days were dull and tedious, these two could muse and doze the hours away together and when the nights were long and dark, and deep, and beautiful, they could drift out dn the moonlight of the stors, and with ''the sofe complaining flute" and "warb- ling lute," Hay the pipes" as John would say, for their enduring popularity with the girls! And it was immediately subsequent to one of these romantic ex cursions, when the belated pair, at two o'clock in the morning, had skulked up side stairway of the old hotel and serious happening than Bert falling over a trunk and smashing his guitar-just after such a night of romance and ad- venture it was that, in the secluslon of Johns room, Bert had something of especial import to communicate.
 Mack" he said, as that worthy ana thematized a spiteful match, and then sucked his finger.
 "Blast the all-flred old torchl'' said John, wrestling with the lamp-flue, and turning on welcome flame at last. Well you said Mackr Why don't you go on? And don't bawl at the top of your lungs, either. You've already succeeded in walk ing every boarder in the house with that guitar. and you want to make amends now by letting them go to sleep againl''
 "But my dear fellow" said Bert, with forced calmness, you're the fellow that's making all the noise-and-"
 ''Why, you bowling dervish!' inter rupted John, with a feigned air of pleas ed surprise and admiration. "But let's drop controversy. Throw the fragments of your guitar in the wood-box there and proceed with the opening proposition"
 What I was going to say was this, !" said Bert, with half-desperate enuncia- tion I'm getting tired of this way of living-clean, dead-tired, and Jagged out and sick of the whole artificial businessi"
 "Oh, yesp' exclaimed John, with a towering disdain, "you needn't go any further! I know just what malady is throttling you. It's reform-reform! You're going to turn over a new leaf and all that, and sign the pledge, and quit cigars, and go to work and pay your debts and gravitate back into Sun day school, where you can make love to the preachers daughter under the guise of religion and desecrate the sanctity of the innermost pale of the church by con- fessions at class of your thorough con- versionl' Oh, you're going to-"
 No, but I'm going to do nothing of the sort" interrupted Bert resentfully. What I mean--df you'll let me flnish-is, I'm getting too old to be eternally undig- nifying myself with this singing of mid- night strains under Bonnybelrs window panes,' and too old to be keeping my self in constant humiliation and expense by the borrowing and stringing up of old guitars, together with the breakage of the same, and the general wear-and- tear on constitution that is slowly be- ing sapped to it's foundations by exposure in the night air and the dew" And while you receive no further eompensa- ton in return" said John, than per- haps the coy turning up of a lamp at an upper easement where the jasmine climbs or an exasperating batter of invisible palms; or a huge dank wedge of fruit cake showed at you by the old man, through crack in the door,
 "Yes, and I'm going to have my just reward, is what mean" said Bert, "and exchange the lover's life for the bene- diets. Going to hunt out a good, sensible girl and marry her." And as the young man concluded this desperate avowal he jerked the bow of his cravat into a hard knot, kicked his hat under the bed and threw himself on the sofa like an old suit.
 John stared at him with absolute com passion. Poor devil'' he said, half mus ingly, 'T know just how he feels
 Ring in the wind his wedding chimes,
 Smile, villagers. at every door;
 Old church-yards stuffed with buried
 crimes,
 Be clad in sunshine Der and o'er.-'
 "Oh. here!' exclaimed the wretched Bert, Jumping to his feet; 'let up on that dismal recitative. It would make dog howl to hear thatr'
 linen you let up on that suicidal talk of marrying" replied John, "and all that harangue of incoherency about your growing old Why, my dear fellow, you're at least a dozen years my junior and look at mel'' and John glanced at him. self in the glass with a feeble pride. not ing the gray spareness of his side-hair, and its plaintive dearth on top. "Of course I've got to admit" he continued .'that my hair is gradually evaporating; but for all that, I'm still in the ring, don,t vnu know: as young In society, for