Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1902-10-24
D. H. COAL.
A New Kind as a Substitute 70
Lehigh Coal.
A Joke on a Good Friend Of John Quill
the Joker.

There are people in this world whose
sense of humor is so dull and dead
that they ought to hang crepe on it.
/ was over visiting a friend of mine
in his bailiwick the other day. a
friend, whom l had not toasted nv
eyes on for many moons. He had
grown fat and lazy since we had been
boys together. The trade winds of
prosperity had struck him and he had
made all kinds of money, and last but
not the least of the many ventures
that he had dabbled in was the coal
business. He had sort of fallen heir
to rafting good business through
the death of Il relative, SO he was de-
cidedly in it. l had an hour or more
on my hands between trains, so hunt
ed him up. He gave me the best chair
in the Office and a good cigar, which
Immediately proceeded to build a fire
in the end of, and we settled down to
talk over old times and the boys and
girls we used to know long before
Mount Pelee got restless. how some of
the boys had walked in the straight
and narrow path and was still walk
of the path of goodness and had slid
down the slippery incline pretty rap
idly. and the girls-sOme had married
well and had boys and girls of their
own, while others were still wearing
eau-catchers and looking for the man
that never came.
We had got fairly well down the list
of our acquaintance and had made a
pretty fair summary of the good and
bad points. when the telephone bell
rang. My friend swung round in his
office chair picked up the horn and
said "HullO." He waited a few mo-
ahead. then said, What is it?'
Somebody on the other end of the
line, who had been asleep. evidently
like Rip Van Wrinkle and did not know
we had been enjoying ourselves with
the luxury of Il coal strike and had
been warming ourselves with a candle
and an isingglass front to the stove,
answered back and wanted to know if
he had any coal. My friend thought
he recognized the voice as belonging
to an old friend of his, but there was
where he was off the trOlly. so he an
swered back that he had "a limited
quantity of the precious rock that he
would part with for consideration.
Then the owner of the voice wanted to
know if it was Lehigh coal. Now, Le-
high coal. in these piping times Of
peace is as rare as hobo-who wants
work, and when the party wanted Lee
high coal my friend. the1coal dealer,
experienced a sudden jar! mo. no."
he said. over the wire. ours is not
Lehigh. but damned high" Then the
party wanted to know if it would burn
as well as Lehigh, give a good fire and
all that sort of thing. She said she
had never heard of that coal before.
but if it was equally as good as the
other. free from clinkers and slate,
why. she would take a ton and he
could send it right up to Miss So and
So. mentioning the name Of one of the
laced maidens in the town,
a dear old soul, who would not say a
cuss word even if she hit her thumb
with a hammer.
And when she mentioned her name
over the wire it acted as an electric
shock to my frisky friend-he of the
not even "a smile wrinkles his placid
couDtenance. He is wondering how
he is going to make out his bill and if
the dear old lady will want any. more
particulars about the mine where it is
located. etc. He says if she comes 10
him for information, all well and good.
for he can give her more facts and fig
ures about that particular brand of
coal and the location and general out
look of the mine than any man living.
But. and he says but" with great en-
phasis, if she should happen to seek
information of the other member of
The concern. who is IA church member
and who chases the contribution box
in her church on the Sabbath, she
might not get information that would
cause to worry, for most anybody can
give her the desired information, for
just before leaving town I called up
the boys.-mutual friends of ours
and told them, confidentially. of course.
all about the local coal situation. And
now the telephone in that particular
Office is working over time to avoid the
rush. The funny part of the whole
thing is my friend. who always en-
joyed a good joke and sits up half the
night burning out good Oil at Is cents
gallon studying up some choice bit
of rascality to perpetrate on his fell
lowmen, utterly failed to appreciate
this joke. So I am forced to believe
that his sense of humor must have
got stunted for some unknown reason.
hn l,n
telephone.
No .M.N