The Savannah morning news., 1902-08-31
MR.. DOOLEY ON OUR
REPRESENTATIVES ABROAD.
Copyright, 1902, by Robert Howard Russell.
BY F. P. dunno.

him to lave tn country an tn coun-
] thry is resigned an tn place he's goin
! to don't raise no objections. Whin
| he reads in tn pa-apers all tn things
he's called 'he begins to think tn job
| is almost as high as a place in III
Custom House, an tn good woman
sees hersilf an tn Queen rompin' to-
gether an maybe she won't give tn
cold eye to tn wife iv tn rich undher-
| taker up tn sthreet whin she comes
/ to Boodypest an sees her an tn rile
family rowlin' by in tn rile coach
! dhrawn be camels. TIL ambassadure
lands at tn coort where he's goin to
| aVinge tn insults to his native land
| f'r four years an tn sicrety iv III
legation who used to be good tennis
| player befure he lost his mind meets
him at tn deepo an hurries him into
| a closed hack. What's this f'r?' says
| tn ambassadure who's had tn coat iv
arms Moo Jarsey painted on tn soles
| Nv his boots an would like to put thin
out tn window. Why am 1 threated
like pris'ner?' he says. Hush, says
Alonzo tn first sicrety. 'Ye can't be
seen until we've been GAVIN over be
tn tailor he says. If annywan got
onto that blue Prince Albert it'd be We
to tn Basteel, he says. I'll take We
harness maker has got through with
ye,' he says. But says the ambas-
| sadure, 'whin do / begin tn important
! jooties iv me exalted station?' he says.
Thank Hivin,' says tn sicrety iv lega-
| ton, there amt ball FIR a week. he
says. Please keep yeer face away
firm tn window an do throw away
| that pocket comb he says.
9TH first sicretry has tn divvules
| own time FIR a week ora two. Ivry
mornin' he spinds in tachin' tn am
basasdure an his lady tn two sthep
an tn wurruds iv tn country indi-
eating, How dye do?' I'm PLACED to
meet We. It's a fine, big house we
have. I'll take a little more iv tn
| spinach and so on. Finally he has
| it all right an tn first sicrety takes
| him up to see TIL king. AS he enters
| with a martial sthride tn speech he
prepared in Jersey City slips his mind
| he falls aisily on a rug into a settin'
| or kneein' posture an TIN king NUT
| ters a few kindly, wurruds in tn Ian
| guage that tn ambassudre used to
shoot at whin he was in TIL milishy
| an all is over. Tn first sicrety carries
| him out an he goes home an finds his
wife in Mysteries firm thryin' to ex-
plain her position in Cedar Rapids be-
fure she was marrid to a Rooshyn
| princess through a Danish maid iv
honor that wanst lived in Scotland.
"Afther awhile he begins to appre-
cyate tn honors iv his place. TIL king
sinds him an invitation to peek into
tn rifle gardens on public holidays.
to speak at dinner Nv tn Buss Dhriv-
ers' Association an to attind amy
fun'rals iv TIL rifle family. TIL first
sicrety gets him so he can weep ivry
time tn name iv SHAKESPEARE is min
toned. TIL first sicrety tells him that
he oughtn't to know too nanny Amer
| leans, but that's because tn first sic
rety don't understand his fellow
! counthrymen. Ivry mornin' whn tn
ambassadure opens his mail expictin'
a letther firm IN prisidint tellin' him
to run right over to tn palace an asst
tn king about tn Pannyma Canal. he
gets a few lines firm an American
stoppin at tn Stars an Sthripes Ho-
| tel sayin': Dear Ambassadure
have a letther firm Mark Hanna tell
| in we to give me tn best rooms in
ye'er house or lose ye'er job. 1 will
move into-morroh. Manewhile place
sind me tn name Nv a good store in
this accursed hole where an American
| can buy a pair iv suspindersn If he's
wise ambassadure he does it. A man
that riprisinted this country abroad
| soon larns how to match silks an
where to buy rcckin' chairs. If he
don't he's no good. An on tn Foorth
| iV July he stands at home an grasps
| NANNY a wet an frindly hand.
"All this I larned firm Dargan who
| was over there las year He met an
| ambassadure that used to run f'r Con-
| gress iyry time he had a mind to.
| Dargan got mis- money eight times be-
| fure tn good man larned that Dargan
| didn't live in the district He says
| that tn ambassadure toll him what
| I'm tellin' We an wept on his Shout
| dher. How long ar-re We in for?
| asks Dargan. Three years more says
tn ambassadure. Three years more,
he says, an him I'll give tn first
| sicrety punch in tn nose an rayturn
to tn land Nv tn Free he says. Have
| ye amy fine cut?' he says At this
| minyit a. young man come around tn
corner an grabbed tn ambassadure be
| tn collar. Didn't I tell We niver to
| come ont Nv tn park in thin pants?'
| he says. Here comes Lord Gimlets,
| he says. 1t was tn first sicrety. An
! Dargan niver see tn ambassadure
again He thinks they have him lock-
| ed up in the coal cellar.
$50 T. don't want to be amy ambas-
| sadure, Hinnissy. TIL cable is quick
| or, tn newspaper rayporther is more
| important an theyse more diplomatic
| business done be jew men firm Wall
| street thin be all tn diplomats FIRM
| Constantinople to Copenhagen, bedad.'
But supposin Ireland was free
] said Mr.. Hennessy.
: "Ah" said Mr.. Dooley. thin 'twud
be We I'd like to see get tn job.
cudden't have too any iv me oil frinds
J presntin' their cridintials to me-"