The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-08-07
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tne other over critically)-Your excuse
is satisfactory.
Nell-What awful table manners he
has. l think l shall cut him. Belle
IL he. continues to eat with his knife
ne will probably cut himself.
Beware" said the fortune teller. .of
a tall, dark man." "You are trying to
black male me-" faltered the fair
young maid-Chicago Tribune.
Excited Wife-Wake up, Henry! The
house is on fire. Sleepy Husband
Great heavens! Now we'll have to
move again!-Ohio State Journal.
Wigg-That pretty girl next door
screeches to beat the band l thought
you said she sung beautifully. Wagg-
No; ] said she was beautiful singer"
College Idiot tindefinitely)-It doesn't
necessarily follow. Kind Friend-What
doesn't? College Idiot-Why, a dog
when you whistle for it.-Columbia
Jester.
The Difference: What is the differ
ence between a sewing machine and a
kiss? One sews seams nice and the
other seems SO nice.-Quips and
Cranks
Thick: Briggs-The electric light has
gone out on the other side of the hotel
piazza. Griggs-Yes, had to elbow
my way through the lovers there just
nOw.-Life.
Reformers: "Some er de loudes' talk
in reformers," said Uncle Eben,
makes me think of bald-headed man
goin' 'roun' sellin' hair restorer.
Washington Star.
Bertha-And so Edith has made up
with Fred? How did it happen? Con-
stance-Oh, you see, it was the only
way in which she could have another
quarrel with him.
$50 he has written good play at
last" "Oh, no: it's very commonplace"
What! It's one Of the most success
full of the season." (which proves ex-
actly what / say"
HOjack-Here's. an account of how a
man wrote love letter and got into
trouble by it. Tomdik-I can sympa-
thize with that fellow. That's how
happened to get married.
Nellie wrote lovely poem to Ma.
bel. Belief know, but she, got mad
and tore 1t up. Nell-The idea! Why?
Belle-He headed it Lines on Mabels
Face."-Philadelphia Record.
Playwright-From the nature of my
play you see 1t ought to close with
some line or significant act from the
hero in perfect accord with the feel
ings of the audience. Critic-Why not
let him heave a sigh Of relief, then?
misunderstood Byron said that Ma
caulay woke up one morning and found
himself famous. What great character
in American literature is parallel to
this? Student (who had been dozing)
Rip Van Winkle.-Princeton Tiger.
At the marriage of an Albany widow
er one of the servants was asked ii his
master would take a bridal tour.
Dunno, sab; when old missus's alive
he took paddle to her; dunno II he
takes bride to the new one or not"
The President-Then you don't care
to have your name mentioned in con-
nection with your one hundred million
dollar gift to our university? The Phi
lanthropist-Well. you might say that
you give my name without my con-
sent.
Little Augusta was at the window.
"Oh, come quick, or you won't see it!'
she called excitedly. Hes running
away" what is it, dear?" asked her
mother. "Why, there's a horse going
down the street with nothing on but
his tail"
A Very Good Days Work: Weary
willie-I jes' put in a good days work
in thirty minutes. Prayed Fagin-Ex-
plain yerself. Weary Willie-Well, |
put in six pies. pan Nv doughnuts. an
fou. Jars NV preserves. OATS good
davis work fer any woman.-Judge.
Cnpid's Benefit: Celia-Oh, we had
n delightful time at Ophelia's an
nouncement party. Delia-What did
Won do? Celia-She had US submit
sealed guesses as to the man she 10
engaged to: the girl who guessed right
il to be maid of honor.-Detroit Free
Press.
An Oyersigbt-The employe OF the
GAS company was excited. WHATS
the matter?" asked the superintendent.
.I've just found street that nasn
.haen torn up for nearly ten years, ;"
w.. the reply. "Send a gang OF men
ont there at once" ordered the super
,rt.n.,eut.-Chicago Evening Post