The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1902-06-28
conversion and actuated him in his adj
vice to his followers:
AN "APOLOGIA'' IN BRIEF.

vice to his followers:
AN "APOLoGIA' IN BRIEF.
The oraory, July 9, 1871.
My Dear. Mrs. IL; AS to your
question. suggested by your friends, it
is not at all the case that 1 left the
Anglican church from despair-but for
two reasons concurrent, as 1 have
stated in my Apologia-first,. which /
felt before any strong act had been
taken against the tracts or rpe, namely.
in 1889, that the Anglican church now
was in the position of the Arian
churches of the fourth century, and
the Monophysite churches of the fifth,
and this was such shock to me that
l at once made arrangements for Civ
ing up the editorship of The British
Critic, and in no long time l contem-
plated giving up ST. Mary's. This
shock was the cause of my writing No.
90. which excited so much commotion.
No. 80, which reused the Protestant
world against me, most likely never
would have been written except for
this shock Thus you see my condem-
nation of the Anglican church arose'
not out of despair, but, when every
thing was. hopeful, out of my study
of the Fathers. Then, as to the second
cause, it began in the autumn of 1S41,
six months after No. 80, when the
bishops began to charge against me.
This brought home to me thatrI had
no business in the Anglican church. 1t
was not that I despaired of the Angli-
can church, but that their opposition
confirmed the Interpretation which
put upon the Fathers that they who
loved the Fathers, could have no place
in the Church of England,
As to your further question, whether,
if 1 had stayed in the Anglican church
till now, l should have Joined the
Catholic church at all. at any time now
or hereafter I think that most prob
ably 1 should not, but observe, for this
reason because. God gives grace, and if
it is not accepted he withdraws his
grace; and since of his free mercy, and
from no merits Of. mine He then Of
fered me the grace of conversion, if
l had not acted upon it, it was to be
expected that / should be left, a worth
less stump, to cumber the ground and
to remain where l was till died.
OF course you are .endlessly Devil
dered by hearing and reading on both
sides What should recommend you,
if you ask me, is to put aside all con-
troversy and close your ears to advo-
Gates on both sides for two months, and
not to open any controversial book, but
to fray God to enlighten you continue
ally. and then at the end of the time
to find where you are. I think if You
thus let yourself alone or rather take
care that others let you alone. you will
at the end of the time see that you
ought to be a Catholic. And if this is
the case, it will be your duty at once
to act upon this. conviction. But If you
go on reading, talking, being talked to,
you will never have peace. God bless
you and guide you, and bring you safe
into port. Yours most sincerely,
JOHN H. NEWMAN.
o
The Oratory, May 6, 1872.
My dear Mrs. H, I sincerely rejoice
and thank God that you are so far adj
vanced by his mercy as to be convinced
that the church in communion with
Rome is that which Christ set up in the
beginning as the Oracle of Truth, and
the Ark of salvation. He who has led
you thus far will lead you on still into
her fold, and into full faith and peace.
Your shrinking back is very natural,
and does but show that you realize
what you are doing. 1 felt it most
painfully myself when 1 was approach-
ing the church. 1 said, How do I
know, but that, as soon as ever be-
come a Catholic my eyes will be opened
and l shall see 1 have taken a false
ana wrong step?" But 1 never have
had even a temptation for one instant
to think L acted wrongly. 1t has been
as contrary to every thought, feeling,
impulse, tendency of my mind, and
been so all along, to entertain such an
idea, as it would be contrary to my
nature to think of cutting my throat,
or cheating a friend. L simply can't
admit the idea into nY- mind. And my
experience is that of a hundred others.
can but give my testimony in answer
to your apprehension. Then. again, l
think those who do feel anxiety before
they take the step are the very persons
who are unlikely to feel misgivings aft
erward. Further, recollect the grace of
God will not leave without some great
fault of yours, so that if you are
courageous, as those heroes of romance
who go resolutely forward, undismayed
by the threatening aspects of their
enemies, you will find the phantoms of
evil which you fear will give way to
you, and vanish into thin air. AS to
your second difficulty, it is a very try
ing one, but is no argument for your
acting against your conscience. God
will support you under it, and it will
not be so heavy trial as you fear.
With my best wishes and prayers,
am, my dear Mrs. H, most truly
yours, JOHN H. NEWMAN.
Philippine Proselyting.