davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-04-04

While Brisider- General Funston S
command was lying in camp near Ma
rila number of recruits arrived from
the Western States. One of the rock
les having exhausted his supply of
clean linen and not having learned to
be his own laundress, asked some vete-
ran where he could get some washing
done.
500 you See those tents over there
by that clump Of trees? Well, go over
there and inquire for Mr.. Funston.
He's a grouchy little chap, but if you
talk pleasantly to him he'll tx You
up
The recruit went as dire cted and
discovered General Funston walk 'ng
up and down in font Of his tent.
dressed in an cid par of khaki bree-
| ches and a regulation blue flannel
army shirt.
"Where can | find Funston?' asked
the recruit.
"My name is Funston. What is
it9'
81 want to get some clothes wash
ed"
"What! Who St mt you to me p
'Billy Brown, over there in the
Tenth Cavalry"
corporal OF the guard" called
General Funston.
The corporal came on run.
"Youug man. said General Funs-
ton to the recruit who was see king
laundrymar, ego with the corporal
and show HIM Billy Brown, so that he
may bring him over here. And, yon
come with him and bring all the dirty
clothes you have. A, remember
ALL
They departed and returned after
short absence with Billy Brown aud
huge load of socks, shirts, underwear,
and dirty linen generally.
Said General Funston to Billy
Brown: Did you send this man
here to have his clothes washed:
eyes, sir; just for joke
''For joke, Ell. Well, al right.
like joke myself, and we'll carry
this one through. Corporal
eyes, sir.
':Take this man Brown to the river
and have him wash these clothes
carefully and return them to the
owner. See that he does this job up
in good style. And, by the way, cor
poral, if You have any soi.ed clothes
Of your own, OR if any of your friends
have, just let Brown do them mp for
you
81 think l can keep him busy for
some time, SIR
General Funston then resumed his
walk Chicago TiJune.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-04-04
ABLE TO LOCATE HIN.

A party Of young men were taking
dinner few nights ago at fashion
able cafe, when one Of them, who is
somewhat of IA jester, called tie waiter
and said:
"John, 60 and call Main. If a
woman answers, it will be my wife.
Tell her that instructed you to say
that l am in the police station for a
few hours, and will not be at home for
dinner. Say to her that the posi5ili-
ties are that l shall not be at home
tonight. Understand me, s'r?'
John winked coupe of times in
a knowing way, bowed deferentiaily,
and suggested:
"Supposin
"supposing nothing, sill. If she
asks who is talking, tell herit is the
turnkey at the Central Station, and
she'll never know who told her the
lie."
The waiter shambltd away and was
presently seen to be having coed
deal of fun with himself. The Jester
inferred that mi GIT have something to
do with his case, ard called him
over.
"Whats amusing you so much,
John?'
Wouldn't like TO tell you 81; at
least right here
Il guess these fell, VS. understand.
Let 'er 60.
"Missus says to tell her husband she
is CAD he is so nicely located for the
night. She knows where he is for
once"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-04-04
Wy.
TESTIMONY TALKS.

All the claims in the world for the cllra-
tive virtues of a medicine will not equal
one testimony to the actual fact of cure.
Thousands of testimonials like the follow
ing have been received from persons cured
of lung troubles, bronchitis herorrhage,
obstinate coughs, etc, by Golden Medical
Discovers:
FL was very sick indeed" writes Mrs Moiiiee
Jacobs, of FELTON,, Kent Co., Delaware, wand
our family doctor said had consumption.
thought i must die soon, for felt SO awiuiiy
bad. Had bad cough spit blood. was very
short of breath; i'll fact, could hardly get my
chest and right lung. also had dyspepsia.
Before I took your Golden Medical Discov-
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-04-04

Is most marked in relation to certain FORMS
of disease In diseases of the lungs and
respiratory organs, for instance, it is the
custom to assume that there is no cure for
the cough, no help for the hemorrhage. no
healing for the lungs. The scarecrow, Con-
of some inexperienced and unskillful prac-
titioner who denies hope or help to the
victim of disease.
Yet the records go to show that stubborn
coughs have been cured, that persistent
hemorrilagcs have been stopped, and that
weak lungs have been made strong by
the use of DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical
Diccoyerx
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-04-04

cry and Pleasant
Pellets I was SO
LAX l oul d
not sweep a room,
and now l can do
a small washing. l
worked i'll the cam
ming factory this
fall. and l feel like
a Il w person. l
thank the good
Lord, and also DR..
Pierce for making
this good medicine.
I believe that the
Lord and your med
icine have saved my
life. l was sick over
two years. l took
thirteen bottles of
the Golden Med
ical Discovery and
four walls of Doctor
PierCe'S Pellets"
There is no al
cohol in Golden
Medical Discov-
cry" and it is en-
tirely free from
piu m, cocaine,
and all other mar
cotics.
Some times a
dealer will offer
a substitute for
the "Discovery, "
claiming it to be
vjust as good"
The su BIS titute
pays him more
profit, that's why.
Protect yourself
from unscrupul-
Gus d e alers by
insisting on DR.. !
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-04-04
MARLBOROUGH. MARYLAND APRIL l. 10
SCaErHCHrOWS.

The term is almost a misnorner, nova.
days. For the "century-living crow" has
been schooled by experience. The scare
crow dosn't scare him. Investigating ornl-
biologists say that he can tell gun from
stick and eau count up to seven. Evidently
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-04-04

t h e crow II a 5
progressed from
the ignorance OF
his ancestry.
The crow is ii
some things III
advance of the
human family,
There are scare
crow 5 W Ii i c h
scare d o II r
grand fat Il e r 5,
and which are
Just as fearso1ne
to us. In spite
of the fact that
some scientific
inve sti gators
say, IT Il e r E 5
nothing to be
a afraid of. A
scarccrow can t
hurt you the
bulk of men and
women still be-
lieve the scare
crow is a power
full and destroy
ing fetish.
T>I,;c attitude
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-04-04

We aim to sell only the "best by every honest test and
prices right Wa want your trade and promise honest and
courteous treatment. Yours truly
c. NJ. WOOIF & CO.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-04-04

OFFICIAL SCIiEDUL OF LOCAL PASSENGER TRAINS
CHESAPEAKE BEACH RAILWAY CoMpANY
OBJECTIVE SUNDAY, previous
Showing o. R.R a Hyat,ile. Md
EAsTBOUND WESTBOUND
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
Getting the Facts.

"How far is it to the next town,
ny friend? ''
Its a right smart piece"
''How many miles?"
'Hain't never counted EN-
"Well, how many yards, then?"
"Wen, they's my yard, an Neighbor
Jones' yard, an the Wilder Scott's
Tard, and"
Nonsense! How much ground will
{ have to cover between here and
there?"
"Well, they use to call it ten acre or
so, but it's my opinion it's ten an a
aalf!"-Atlanta Constitution.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
HuStIerS.

ST Pumpkinduster-T tell me
thet when a city Teller proposes tew
4 city gal she always says: "Oh, this
is SO student"
Abe Geehaw-We1l, thet's> only nat
nral. Why, them city fellers don't
think nothin' of proposin' tew gal
thet they've only kept company with
for three or four years.-Brooklyn
Eagle
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14

All the world abounds in lover
II ye seek 1t as you may
ge shall find that from above
Earth is flooded every day
Sot mid sordid. mean desires.
Not in lust that leads to crime:
These eXhale from british fires,
CurSing man till end of time
But amid the pure and true
Souls may find undying streams
6Simming full, where>to tho view
Gods great love in glory CLEANS
seek ye there and ye shall find -
Comfort for a wearted soul. :.
Health and healing for the mind,
While the years do ceaseless
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
Her ReaI Preferences.

Mabel-Here's a writer on health
who says we mustn't eat pickles at
all.
Irene-O, well. I don't really care
for them. If can have all the
chalk and all the slate pencils I want
1 don't care if I never see pickle
Chicago Tribune.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
Handy to Have Around.

She-You won't object to having
my dear mamma live with us after
we are married, will you?
He "a young physician)-Not at all.
In fact, she'll be most welcome.
I'm so glad you feel that way"
Eyes; you see, she is always ailing,
and really need somebody to expert
ment on.'-N. Y. Weekly.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
Ouife SDeedy.

Elder Passnips-My boy writes
home that your son Jack isn't get
ting along very fast at college.
Deacon Oldham-Don't you believe
what your boys tellin' you, elder.
Jacks goin' through fast enough. He
runs away ahead of his allowance
every month.-Chicag Record-Her-
aid
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
why She Liked Them.

After three-year-old Frances little
guests had departed, her mamms
asked:
Frances, do you like little girls to
visit you?"
"Yes'm; I like little children &c
come unto me, for of such is the
kingdom of Heaven."-Harlem Life.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
A Genuine Pleasure.

Acouple were getting married. and
The man who was acting as father"
vas an extremely fussy person.
When the question was asked, "Who
riveth this woman to be married to
This man?' to the amusement of
both the clergyman and the congre-
cation this gentleman stepped for
ward and said: 81 have very much
pleasure in doing so.'-Tit-Bits.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
A. 1t Seemed to Bridget.

Mrs. Frills-Now that I have en-
gagged you, Bridget, am going to be-
gin right away to give you a little
training in the art of waiting on
guests. You see, my daughter is COM
ing out next month
ridget-Indade, mum! An how
long was she STINT up for?-Richmond
Dispatch.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
Force of Habit.

Have you no regret?' we asked OF
the druggist who had served arsenic
instead of quinine.
NO." he replied, shut I have some
thing just as good"
However, he well knew that we ex-
pected him to say this, else why
would we have written the first ques-
tion?-Baltimore American.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
Pity.

A sage looked past the bars one day
Upon fol and sighed.
And murmured, as he turned away:
Alasi If in his infancy
He only could have Giedi'
The fool gazed at the sage as he
Reiterated from the place,
And said: 81 wouldn't care to be
Alive if God had given me
That poor old fellows face"
Chicago Record-Herald.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
Method i'm Her Madness

Dashaway-Last night experienced
a novel sensation. Miss Twilling in
vited me out to dinner as her guest,
and insisted on ordering and paying
for everything. 1 wonder what she did
it for?
Cleverton-She probably wanted
something to eat.=Harlem Life.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
What 1t Ii That Comes

"Do you believe that all things come
to him who waits?"
'sNo," answered the hustler, decisive
ly. pretty nearly everything that q
man doesn't want comes to him who
waits, but the things worth having
come to him who gets up and humps
himself Chicago Post.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
Once Again.

where are you going, my pretty maid7
I'm going milking, SIR" she said.
MAY I go long?' he asked Of her.
There's one calf there already, sir"
Chicago Daily News.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
The Polite Young Man.

EYES," said the naughty young
woman who was Colonial Dame as
well as Daughter of the Revolu-
ton, my great-great-grandsir fell
at Bunker Hill"
"Ice or banana ssxin?" inquired the
polite young man from Milwaukee,
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
"seek Hnd Ye Shall Find.

Love II fraught with Joy and peace
When the heart of self is void.
Love can bring q sweet surcease
From great grief or rest destroyed.
Love instills blessed hope
OF immortal life at last;
Woes OF earth may never cope
With success 'gainst powers so vast
Tray'ler to that distant bourne
From which none may come this waT,
Listen and a precept learn;
God is love. love God to-dayt
And that land where allis love =
d. Thy blest home In Joy shall be.
There Gods face, Ger all above,
Radiates Eternity.
oscar B. Smith. in N Y. Observes
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
Very Suspicious.

Friend-Why, Elvira, what's the
matter?
Elvira-Oh, don't know, only I'm
worried to death. I've had the same
girl six weeks, and she doesn't talk
about leaving yet.
"She doesn't?"
"No; not a word. She must be in
love with my husband. IN. Y. Weekly.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
ONLY Half Trial.

Purchaser (angrily)-You told me
this horse could go with the speed of
the wind. It was all I could do to
get into town before noon.
Dealer-He amt had no fair show
yit. Wait till We turn him home'ard.
Coin home he's creased ightninl'-
n. Y. Weekly.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
Couldn,t Re Done.

Lady Tin dress with long train)-I
wish my portrait taken.
Photograph - Take this seat,
madam.
''Oh, but I want it full length"
"Humi Very sorry, madam, but my
panoramic camera is out of order
N. Y. Weekly.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
Astute Alice.

There was a young lady named Alice.
She lived down in Texas, near Dalice.
She married an earl,
Did this clever young gearl,
And now she Is boss of his palice.
Baltimore American.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
A Cipch Game

Mrs. Waggles-I met the doctor to-
day and told him about your mala-
ria. He said you were to take some
whisky every time you had the chills
Wagg1es-An right, my dear. IL
shake for the drinks.-Judges
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
The Rough End of 1t.

Harriet, consider football entirely
too boisterous a game.
Harry-Oh, goodness, Harriet, you
Just ought to be around where the
men who lose money On it talk over
Their bets.-Detroit Free Press
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
Salt of the Earth.

One advantage had old man Lot
In this world of trouble and strife;
When in after years he got fresh
He could go home and lick his wife.
Chicago Daily News.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
The AnEIomanIacs Again.

Did you notice. deah boy, that theT
say King Edward is steadily growing
faIter?''
rs he, old chappie? I weally must
eat more myself. Plain
Dealer. = ,
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
The Casual Observer.

This old world has some curious ways.
You watch with eager eye,
And don't know If you ought to laugh
Or If you ought to cry.
-Washington Star.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14

The superintendent of public in
struction in Pennsylvania receives
$4,000 year. New York pays $4,000,
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14

Duplicity.

81 don't understand how Ethel
Mothwing ever got engaged to such
steady, matter-of-fact young man."
said one girl.
cit was easily managed" answered
the other. ''She got a cook book,
took the covers off and inserted the
paper-back novel she happened to be
reading. The silly fellow thought
she was going to make a wonderful
housewife. "-Washington Star.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14

dish of Parmesan or grated cheese is
put on the table with the soup tureen.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
THE REMINISCENT MHN.

What would we do for things to read about
eur public men?
How could we learn their boyhood traits
and how they acted then?
How could we know their whims and fads
and other little things
About them, were 1t not for what certain
person brings?
All hail the chap who fills that gap In wise
Dame Natures plan.
The one who's. always in our view-the
Reminiscent Man.
He tells US Of our Presidents. and what
they did and said,
Or what they didn't do or say. as We have
often read;
He cites remarks of heroes bold, long ere
they burst to fame,
Which plainly show they were designed to
bear an honored name;
He knows the pages Of the past-no other
% person can
Dig up many facts does the Reminis-
cent Man.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14

hat"
"But I don't need one"
go, YES, you do. I ordered one foI
myself to-day."-Heitere Welt.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14

MISS WHITES thaG Charming MIS-.
Gray unmarried?
Miss Black-Yes. She was unmar-
ried for the third time last week.
Chicago Daily News.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14
judging.

Oh, I despise the fool who thinks
That onlysmoney makes the man
And yet how pleasant it would be
II men had cause for judging me
Upon that foolish plan.
Chicago Record-Herald.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1902-02-14

Sometimes he is the man who's styled the
Old Inhabitant,
And he can tell when Col Bluff went out
and laid ha'nt:
And then. again, he is the man who battled
side by side
With Maj. Blood. and now he tells about
it with much pride;
Or else he had a jury seat when Lawyer
Chugg was young
All this the Reminiscent Man has ever on
his tongue.
Perhaps he used to fish along with Mr.. Of
ficeseek,
And when that mans a candidate he tells
1t by the week;
He holds the wise reporter up and fills him
full OF tales
The news may stop. but. after all, the r. M.
never fails.
Somebody ought to write book about the
talky clan
The bunch of people who make I'D the Rem
iniscent Man.
Josh Wink. in Baltimore American.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1902-05-23
A SUGGESTION.

The Hawaii Shinpo, a Japane-o rareg
published in Honolulu, handles the rule
Of the Board of Health, which sorbids
physicians not having a knowledge of
English from obtaining a certificate to
practice, in very gentle manner. 1t
suggests that the questions being put
viva voce through an interpreter, the
latter might not give the answers
which the examiner gave, but might
substitute answers of his own If the OBJ
ject of the Board in passing the rule
was aimed at the interpreters whom
the Board considered were playing
them false, the Japanese paper has
rothing to say because the Japanese do
than Americans do.
Evidently some member of the Board
of Health must have made some such
charge against the interpreters, though
why the interpre ters Of the Board OF
Health should b. so utterly oblivious
Of their duty when the court interpre-
ters fulfil theirs with such scrupulous
accuracy it is difficult to realize. There
has been no authoritative expression
from the Board of Health upon the
point
The japanese paper makes a sugges-
ton that the examinations be conduct
ed in writing and that this woull OBJ
viate the chance of the interpreter sub
shutting his own words. The sug-
gestion seems to be a good one. There
certainly can be no reason why a prop
erly qualified japanese physician should
not be allowed Ia practice even if he
does not know English. The English
speaking physician has in times past
and in times present for the matter of
tEat prescribed for patients whose Ian
guage he is perfectly ignorant of, and
who We're utterly unable to explain
their symptoms to him. In the case Of
the Japanese physicians they want
simply to attend to their own people.
if they can only talk Japanese. But if
the Japanese physicians set to work
and learn English before they come
here, they will be able at once to go in
to competition with the American and
other English speaking doctors so that
the rule of the Board of Health will
not work quite as well as it was in
tended 70 in the long run. One would
like to know if the Board of Health
would refuse a French or a German
doctor permission to practice because
he was unable to speak the English
language. AS the Star said the other
day there is no use in only our ma
tionality having the monopoly of sign
ing death certificates.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1902-05-23

Sometimes when there is a great hue
and cry the police manage to run down
the absentee, but in most cases the alb
sentee is never found.
In the case of Shaw he was very evil
IDENTIFY of strong Bohemian instincts
and that he should decide to lose his
identity is not to be wondered at His
movements up to the sailing of the
transport Ohio seem to be clearly
known, and then the trail is lost. But
il by no means follows that Shaw did
not sail in the Ohio, and that on reach
ms Manila he did not promptly lose
himself among the heterogeneous popu-
lation Of that city. He may have gone
into the country to study the Filipino,
and he may still be there, an unknown
waif from the spume of civilization
cast among semi-savages.
We have had many such waits here
in the past and it has been only after
their death that their true identity has
been discovered. In other cases the
identity has never been established
The tragedies of life are ever before
our eyes, but we seldom notice them
unless they are forcibly brought to our
attention as this case of Shaw's has
been. When the Federal census was
taken one of the employees completed
his work, left his district to come to
Honolulu, and has never since been
heard Of. The work had to be done
over again by another party. Such
cases are almost countless.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1902-05-23

The Sebastian Bach after sailing up
Oh every sea and ocean of the world
has at last settled down to a berth at
the bottom of the harbor. The lumber
cargo of the wrecked Twilight was be-
ing stored in her and apparently she
resented this. She will probably be
pumped out and raised. The lumber
must be recovered, and there is some
valuable copper to be obtained from
the hulk. Besides the Sebastian Bach
lies in the sphere of harbor improve
ments.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1902-05-23
HAD NARROW ESCAPE

The Volcano had not broken out when
the Mauna Loa left Hawaii yesterday
The smoke was rising in much greater
quantity than usual but beyond this,
there We're no outward signs of increas-
ing activity.
To those visiting the Volcano how
ever, ample evidence was secured that
the crater has become remarkable ac-
tive. Several days before the Mauna
LOa left Hawaii, a party visited the
crater. The smoke was so dense that
it was with the utmost difficulty that
the crowd succeeded in getting out alive
In fact, had there not been a guide with
the party, they would have been un-
able to have made their way out of the
crater
People in Hilo and vicinity are begin
ming to feel rather nervous over the
Volcano and are looking forward to
some excitement over another outburst