The Savannah morning news., 1902-04-14
UNCLE MINGO.
On the Filipino Troubles.


'Sence dey is habin so much worry
ober de Filipiner business" remarked
the waiter, 81 wonder wy dey don't let
Genral Miles go ober like he say an
glib EN- little inJin fightin'."
''Dey done tole Genral Miles to go
way back an set down." said Uncle
Mingo. "Genral Root show de Presi-
dent de letter he git from Miles, akin
to be sem ober. Gosh bodikins!' say
de President, dat Teller Miles mus tink
he's de whole hog! wy he say, we
has been employin' injin tactics right
along. Cose,' he say, Miles know an
you an me know, an ebblebody know,
dat dere amt but one way to make
good injins; an dat way he say, we
have been usin' cen a earnes' effort to
make Filipiners'."
$50 dey has" commented the waiter;
80 dey has"
"Dey is so use to shootin' ober dere,"
said Uncle Mingo, dat dey wants to
keep on after dey gifts home again.
Dere was dat little funny, fussin'
Funs'on Teller wot gone ober dere an
swim a crick once
"A crick!" interrupted the waiter, 81
fought it was a ribber."
well" said Uncle Mingo, "any ole
If dey had de Bilbo canal dere, dey
would scribe it as a ragin' torrent, or
else a foamin' catarack. Anyhow, he
swim foamin' torrent or a ragin' cat
arack, work a regular Judas trick on
po' little Aggy Naldo an capture him,
so he git to be a general an come
home After he gifts back, he wants
to keep on shootin somebody or udder
so he makes 'nouncement
IL
don't prove O. de way tings
is worked cen de Philippines ought
to be took up an shoot"
"Gee!" exclaimed the waiter; 'an'
amt nobody call him DOWN."
20 no." said Uncle Mingo, "he know
who he kin talk bout an who he can't.
Dere is de war an de navy an all de
udder compartments WOts' been pint
ed an hired to be a public servant,
an all of witch fellers is entitle to be
criticize wenebber dey makes mis-
take Come along fellers like Miles an
Dewey wot is suppose to know little
sumoin bout war an fightin,' an
venture a perlite suggestion. You
shet up say Mr.. Secretary dis or dat,
an min your own business. Did any,
body ebber hear de like OBJ de impi-
dence!' ..ss as
"Now, here come dis little wip-snap-
pin Teller a shootin' off his mout'
ag'i'nst de only real boss de. great de
sufferin American people, an Sayin'
bout one half ought to be took an
shot, cause dey is presumcheus 'nough
not to tink 'zacly like wot he does.
Call him down? De only SCUM you
hear come from dem ole jay-hawkers
cen Kansas, wild deer wiskers tuck
cen deer boot-top, a settin on de fence
an savin to one anudder, my! my!
jis listen at our little Freddy! Amt
he SMART
ibis whole Philippine business is a
trouble" said the waiter. Seem TO
me like Uncle Sam nebber knowed
'zacly wot kin oh a bargain he was
maxim wen he taken EN- way from
SPAIN"
Oats de trut' - said Uncle Mingo:
"he gone an lef' out de mos important
consideration. Dat put me cen min
OBJ a 'currence out to Postum Holler.
"Dere was ole Teller dere
name Jasper wot had ole
rackety one-horse shay.
One time de Bethlehem Eden Zion
Church was goin' to hoP a pertracted
meetin,' an de deacon call on Jaspur
to ak him how much he would charge
to go to de railroad depot an bring
railroad was bout ten mile to go.
How big is de trunk ak Jaspur,
cause de shay was small an rackeyt,
an de horse ole an rawbone.
ooh, it's little trunk, say de dea-
con; I don't bleve it'll weigh as much
as fifty pouns.
cen dat case,' say Jasper, AN be-
in as it's for de church, l won't charge
you but sebenty-f1be cents
$50 dey make de bargain an away
Jasper gone, de deacon goin' long on
his mule to ack as de reception COM
mittee.
"Dey git out de trunk, an sho huff
it wasn't much bigger dan a good size
walise. OATS all right, say Jasper to
hisself.
Den out come de preacher, an Jas
per mos fall down cen a fit. He ives
bout six foot fo', an big roun' as a
bale O. cotton. He weigh edible bit of
fo' hundred an fifty pounds, and hebby
cen proportion.
soon as Jasper could talk, he shake
his w'ip at de deacon.
"Look a-here!' he say. dog-gone de
luck, de mex time l make a contrac'. to
haul preachers for you, I amt goin' to
bodder bout de trunk. l is goin' to ak
how big de preacher ISL"
"Bully for Jasper!" cried the waiter;
"dats wot's de matter! Uncle Sam he
gone an bodder bout Spain, an amt
nebber had no idee bout studyin' wot
kim OBJ a load de Filipinos was goin'
to be themselves. Now he's findin' out.
But sence we's git cen so deep, wot
does you tink is de bes' way to git
out?"
IF de President was to ak my adj
vice" said Uncle Mingo modestly, Il
would say, go an fix Aggy Naldo fus'
ting"
"Wot!" exclaimed the waiter. "shoot
him?"
'Shoot nothin'," said Uncle Mingo.
"Pint him postmaster for de. Philip
pines, or else collector OBJ de pote. Let
him git his han cen de money bari,
an you'll soon fin him de mos patri-
otto an ecclesiastical Republican cen
de whole country. Zen a incredible
short space he'd git oil dem fellers
ober dere a tumblin' ober one anud-
der tryin' to git on Uncle Sans pay
roll. wy, it would be ekill to anud-
der Gran Army
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