davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Size Nothinn To Him

Representative Kahn, Of California
USED TO be an actor and q good one be.
iore ne became statesman. Once at q
olnner he began a speech by saying:
..Mhen l was on the stage"-@
VINO were you driving for?" broke In
an Irreverent listener, and Kahn sat down
mat was kahn's early days in CON
gress. Now it would not be so easy to
Somebody asked him if it is true that
im w Ga1if grow to weigh 500 pounds
though to be strictly truthful have
never 5en seen any that weighed more than
5 31o pounds. However, do not live in
the watermelon section They grow
beets in my part of the state. When
ever farmer wants an artisan well
ne plants a beet seed and sits back for
three months until the beet has sent its
1Map-root down far enough to strike water.
linen ne pulls up the beet with a six or
eIgnt morse team and there he has an
ing Water.-NeW York Press
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
THE OLD VILLAGE DOCTOR.

Along, the village streets where NAPLES
Together like old friends about the
way
A faithful pair oft and anon were seen
He and his nag, both growing old and
gray.
What secrets lurked within that old
souls breast.
Of mother love, of throb of pains and
All safely kept beneath that buttoned
vest
Receptacle of powders and pills
Thrice happy he when some fond moth
er'S eyes
Grew moist with love unspeakable to
Shrugged to her breast her babe whose
paradise
Within her soul and bosom were en-
twincd.
How oft he held the wrist to mark the
Slow
Pulsations Of the feebly flut'ring heart.
While his. kind words, -murmuring
and low
Essayed to calm the mourners pain
and smart.
He was to all a father brother friend:
Their joys were his; their sorrows were
his own.
He slept for years where yonder willows
bend
Above the violets that kiss the stone.
New York Sun
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Adds to Vocabulary.

= United States Senator Kittredge, of
South Dakota, takes pride in his ability
to resist the wiles of newspaper reporters.
Long ago. Senator Hanna remarked this
sr nd OF the taciturn Dakota statesman,
newspapermen to interview him.
On one Of these occasions a metropoli-
tan reporter, after plying Senator Kilt
redge with questions to which he receiv-
ed only crisp answers of Yes" or NO.
finally asked.
kota?"
ply.
At once the reporter walked to sena-
tor Hanna, who was sitting near by and
remarked:
I've got a good beat on all the other
"How's that?" inquired Mr.. Hanna, in
undisguised surprise.
why" answered the reporter, 'tafter
working for half an hour trying to teach
that South Dakota mummy to talk I've
actually added the words Sioux Falls
to his ry."-Philadelphia Post.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Her Meaning Amhlnuous.

ox Ten IN, II thousand dollars for dogr he
e ea ga as ne looked up from his news
paper. DO you believe any one ever
paid any such price, Maria?'' ~ 0o-
m sure | don't know, James," she
returned, without stopping her needle
work even for a moment. DOCS the
paper say that much was paid?"
Yes. There's an article on valuable
dogs, and it's speaking of one that was
so i14 Tor $40, 0OO don't believe it,
1T may. be true James, she said
quietly, Some of those high bred an
IN, 1mais bring fancy prices, and there's
Should i'd tI lie abou ufaI jf@ why the paper
-! know that, Maria. but just think
OF II, Just try to grasp the magnitude
OF that sum in your weak feminine mind.
You don't seem to realize it-$1O, 900 for
a a dog! Why, hang it, Maria, that's more
than I'm worth.
II know that. James; but some are
worth more than Others"
She went on calmly with her sewing
While he fumed and spluttered for a
moment and then dropped the subject,
Tucson Citizen.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02

for some time following. the excite
ment of yesterday seemed to have sub
sided, and there was a disposition TO
place much faith in the restorative eff
fects of warmer weather, which was
reported in some sections, and believed
to be on the way in other places. Ohio,
Michigan, Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska,
Oklahoma and Indian Territory crops
were said to be generally in favora-
bic condition. Damage generally, it
was said. would be largely repaired by
warm weather in July. The lowlands
of Illinois appear to nave been the
worst sufferers, while Iowa is said to
have stood the weather with remarka-
bic success. There were rains West
and Northwest last night, and the
forecast is for showers over the central
valley and lake region within the next
twentyfour hours.
Good Outlook in Nebraska.
CHICAGO, July 1.-The Chicago,
Burlington & Quincy crop report, is
sued today, compiled from the reports
of nearly a thousand correspondents,
shows that in Nebraska the corn crop
is in better condition than ever before
in the history of the state, the acreage
being about the same as last year, not
less. The crop is we'll advanced, and
all conditions most favorable. The Ne
braSka acreage of winter wheat is
larger than ever before. The crop is
ready for harvest, and the yield will
be heavy. Comparatively little spring
wheat was SoWn. Oats are in excel
lent condition. In Iowa good prices
tended to increase the corn acreage.
All reports covering wheat, corn, oats
and potatoes are most favorable, and
the same applies to Northern Missouri.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Too Knowing Hotel Clerk.

Evarts, even when he lived in Wash
ington as President Hayes secretary of
state, was VIGOROUSLY unkempt with re-
gard to his Clothes and looked like any
thing else than the nations brilliant at
torney. His hat, in particular, was a
woeful bit of attire, and made him look
like an actor ''made-up" for Marks in
Uncle Toms Cabin" Evarts, on one
occasion registered in a Philadelphia ho-
tel of the first class about o'clock in
the evening, and Immediately went out
Returning in af ew days later, he step
ped to the desk for his key, and found
the night clerk had come on duty.
''Evarts-Mr. Evarts,' said the secre-
tary of state, briskly, to the clerk.
The latter eyed the guest for a mo-
ment, evidently obtained an unfaVorable
impression, and replied:
Mr.. EvartS is very i'll in his room, and
has left positive orders that he will see
nobody"
Mr.. Evarts, wild with Indignation,
sought the manager, and entered COM
plant. The manager rushed to the desk
and hotly demanded to know why Mr..
Evarts had been reported as i'll and in his
room.
why, SIR responded the clerk, Il
didn't like the looks Of the man who call
ed to see him, and didn't think man
of Mr. EVartS' Importance would care to
be bothered by shabby old panhandler
like that 80.
The explanation that soothed the sec
rotary of state was ingenious rather than
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Times.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
THE FAIR cULPRIT.

There are molts and bars to my study.
Shutter and sash are clasped.
Firm against the nights marauder
Transom and door are hasped;
Shielded against intrusion,
I'm ready to work, 1 say,
When some one cometh, in fancy.
And stealeth my thoughts away
Never a story's chapter
Able am to write,
Never verse to fashion,
Sonnet or song indite.
Safe from bachelor cronies,
Far from my club rooms din,
Safe-yet into my study
Somebody slippeth in.
How shall a man arrange it?
Is there of safeguards none?
Does Love laugh at the locksmiths?
If so, where is the fun?
Locked in my study I'd labor,
Manuscripts write each day.
Did not wee little woman
Steal all my thoughts away.
Town and Country.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Spells His Argument.

The late John B. Cough, whose early
training as an actor had given him a
good equipment for his latter work as a
temperance orator, and who because of
his effective manner, seldom met with
opposition from those who listened to
him in public, was lecturing one evening
in a nearby town, and, after painting
the tavern as a place of contamination
even for the abstainer asked:
Don't you all agree with me, friends,
that there is no place a man should go,
and of which he should tell his mother
and sisters, unless he might take them,
too, there? Should there be any such
place?
80! y-e-s!' came drawlingly from a
seat.
The audience was reused from it's spell
Of admiration for the orator, and turned
to look at the owner of the voice in the
rear. Cough smiled as though he
thought no discussion possible, and
blandly asked:
Where, friend would you go, telling
mother and sisters, but refusing to take
them with you?"
1.-The BARRIERS" was the laconic re-
ply.-Philadelphia Times.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02

EVERY WOMAN is interested and
"PEERLESS" Spray Syringe indorsed by
leading physicians. The ID vorite of all
women who have tried iC Perfect in
lection and , suctIon Capacity half pint;
cieanses instantly and does its work per-
fectly. Compare our Syringe and price.
Ask your druggist for the "PEERLESS;"
II he cannot supply you accept no other,
but send direct to us and we will for
ward you one at once, securely packed,
free from observation, on thirty days
free trial. Price, $500; and 35 cents ex-
ira for postage, with full directions for
using and valuable hints to ladies. II
cash is sent with order we pay the post
age. Address all orders in confidence to
THE PEERLESS SUPPLY CO.,
IL g. "a Elm Street, New York.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Likes It Ajanoino un.

During one of their college vacations
Daniel Webster and his brother ret1Irnad
70 their fathers farm. Thinking he had
a a right to some return for the money he
f nad expended on their education, the
Iatner gave themf seythes and requested
them to NOW. Daniel made a few sweeps
rest. f,t T
father. W. "
my scythe donA lia1ig right sir"
His father fixed it And Dan went to
Something was wrong with the imple-
ment, and It was not long before it need
cd liking again, when his father said i'm
patiently:
We'll. hang it to suit yourself"
;. Daniel, with great composure, hung
u on q near tree and retired from the
field. Philadelphia Times.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Wanted the Motion overruIed.

Justice Giegerich, who has fine sum-
mer nome on Staten Island, is very fond
OF sailing, and a few days ago he invit-
ca friend of his, lawyer, to go down
the pay with him. At the start the wind
a gale and caused the little craft they
were IN to toss and roll in a manner that
soon . caused the lawyers features TO
lWIst INTO expressive contortions.
plight, laid soothing hand on the lat
MY dear fellow, can 1 do anything
Yes, your honor" replied the lawyer
IN plaintiff tones, you will greatly oblige
me by overruling this motion. New
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02

glance out of the corner of his eye, he
said rather sharply: b
Well what do you want?"
please. mister, won't you buy
ticket on our cuckoo clock?". replied
the girl hesitatingly :
= Buy, ticket on your cuckoo clock?
Wnat the deuce would do with cuckoo
clock even if I should get it?',
oh, you won't get it, mister. Please
lie bought.-Kansas City Independent.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Norm Has Turned

How did you git along while you was
to-town?' asked Mrs. Corntossei.
Fine" answered her husband.
Buy any gold bricks?'
No; but l sold them tough chickens
and them last years packed eggs and a
few other choice bargains. When them
city people comes to count up, l reckon.
they'll be ready to admit that the worm
has turned. "-Washington Star.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
predintinn Is Merihed

Ida-Do you remember that girl who
went to see a gypsy and asked what kind
of hair her future husband would have?
May-YeS.
Ida--And the gypsy said she was al
most baff1ed that the cards indicated he
would have hair of every shade imagin-
able?
Mary-Yes.
Ida-Well, the fortune came true She
has just married dealer in wigs.-Stray
Stories.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Jews Harm Minht Do.

1t has been discovered that MOSQUITOES
are susceptible to music and have been
trapped by means of a device giving off
constant musical note. This has been
noticed by number of scientists, but
the experiments have not been carried to
practical end.-Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
She 81 Provident

Mamma-Ethel, how often have I told
you about leaving your crusts? There
may come day when you'll be glad to
get them.
Ethel (demurely)-Yes, mamma; that's
what I'm saving them for.-Tucson Ga
Zette.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
HomeseeIkera, Excursions,

Great Northern Railway sells home
seekers tickets. ST. Paul or Minneapolis
to all points West, including Montana
and Washington, on the first and third
Tuesdays of July. August, September AMI
October, 1902 Rate one fare for the
round trip.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
He Was Quite Safe.

mers entered the office of "a young real
estate man the other day. Ordinarily he
Is the politest Of individuals. but, this
gay gay ne was so busy that he didn't know
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Homeseekers' Tickets to the west

Homeseekers can buy excursion tickets
via the Great Northern railway to points
in Manitoba, Montana, Washington anc
the West, at about one fare for the round
trip, on ir5t and third Tuesdays of July,
August. Sepc4mbe- ard October.
Tickets and information from all rail-
way ticket agents, or f. 1. Whitney, c.
L. & T. A., st. PAIL
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Asks Usual Commission.

Physician-What do you wish?
Caller-I only want you to give me a
little money from the big pile you're
making. 1t was from my child that the
whole village caught the measles.-Flie-
gende Blaetter
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Not With weanon Handy.

Stranger Gin far Western restaurant
Is it necessary to tip the walters here in
order to secure proper attention?
Native-Not if yeh got a gun.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Round-Trip Homeseel1ers, Excursion
to the West.

The Great Northern Railway sells
homeseekers' tickets to Manitoba, Mon
lana, Washington, and all points in the
west, on first and third Tuesdays of
July August, September and October, at
rate of about one fare for the round trio.
Information from all ticket agents, or
r. L. whitney, G. P. Sc t. A., st. Paul.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02

A Good Natured Philosopher.
My fellow men deceive me oft,
I'm sometimes glad they do;
This world would be a fearful place
If all they said were a true.
- Washington Star.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Low Rates to the East.

via the Lake Shore & Michigan Southern
railway to Chautauqua and return. Jul:
4th and 18th; $14G0 for the round trip
Portland, Maine, and return, July 5th t
9Th, one fare for the round trip; return
limit may be extended to Aug. 18th
Providence, r. l., and return, July 1873
one fare for the round trip; return limit
may be extended to Aug. 18TH Full in
formation on application to w. B. Hut
ter, N. w. P. A., 122 Endicott Arcade
st. Paul, or c. Il. Daily, Chief a. G. p
A., Chicago.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02

this congress, that the house wouId
help to sustain the chair in ENFORCING
the rules, has never been FORGOTTEN.
You have been each and all Of you sus.
tanning forces in aiding me in the Eis-
charge of my duty. For that, nv
friends, | return my grateful acknowI-
edgment
Proud of the Record.
Il am proud to say that no house
of representatives since the constitu-
ton was adopted has in the same
length OF time done the amount of
work that this house of representa-
uves has done, and you have done
your work like men-earnest and hon
est as you have all been in CARVING
your convictions SO far as possible int;
legislation. 49,
Now, as we are about to part. ]
wish you all a safe return to vou1
homes and that you may all come bach
10 the next session rested and refresh
ed; and I ask no more than that Won
may be as earnest then as you have
been in the session just closed. And
now, gentlemen, in pursuance of the
concurrent resolution of the two hous.
es, / declare this session of the Fifty.
seventh congress adjourned sine die
The gavel fell amid the wild APP
plause that followed. The iubiIatior
the spectators in the galleries remain.
ing until the members had finished
their songs and handshaking.
President Signs Philippine Bill.
President Roosevelt, accompanied By
Secretaries Hay, Moody. Hitchcock
Wilson and Shaw, and Postmaste.
General Payne, went to the capitol thi.
afternoon in order to facilitate the
work of congress, and in his room ir
the senate wing of the capitol the
president signed the Philippine civil
government bill, the naval appropria.
ton bill, and other measures that went
through in the closing hours of con.
gress.
The Philippine bill was presented ia
the president by Senator Lodge, who
had been closely following it's course
through the various legislative chan.
nels. During a short executive session
one of the senators undertook to take
Postmaster General Payne, under thu
belief that a member of the cabine'
was entitled to be present, but Mr.
Payne was escorted out again and in.
formed that while the president wa:
entitled to enter the executive session
the privilege did not extend to his cab.
met. During lull in business in the
presidents room the pages came il
and were presented to Mr.. Roosevelt
Some secured signature for their auto
graph albums Soon after congress ad
journed the president left the capitol.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Situation Not So Discouraainu

CHICAGO, July Reports receiv
ed here from the grain safes most
affected by the heavy June rains indi-
cate that the crop situation is not so
discouraging as it has been painted in
many quarters. This was reflected in
the grain pits today, for, while the
markets were firm at the opening, and
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1902-07-02
Sad But True.

Did 1t ever occur to you how much
harder it is to lift a mortgage than it is
to raise one?-Boston Transcript
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-02-14
NO. z


had been abolished; the flame, too, had
become much brighter and clearer, and
the snufling of the wick had become
lers necessary, for the combustion be-
ing more perfect, the wick, whose only
duty is to conduct the oil to the flames,
was more nearly consumed. A little
attention to the making of wicks soon
banished the snuffers and the snuff
tray to the curiosity shops of the an
tiquarians. :*
The old-fasnioned wicks were simply
twisted. Cambacers conceived the
plan of plating them, with one strand
tighter than the others. In the can.
die the wick is kept straight by the
hardened fat, but, when releared by
the fame, the tightened strand draws
the end of the wick over to- one side
so that it is brought into contact with
the outer envelope of the fame where
the combustion is most perfect be-
cause of the liberal supply of oxygen
received from the air, and thus the
wick is continuously consumed.-Se''n-
tfc Ameri an.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-02-14

The operation is an interesting one and
a source of great amusement to the
bystanders. He submits to his fate
with Eastern stoicism. His head is
shaved clean as billiard ball, and then
his face as we'll, nice and smooth, like a
baby's. Then they let him go. But
alas, such is the vanity of life, his
wives will not have him now that his
beauty is gone. They disown him
completely, cut him dead. Nay, they
drive him away from the pack with
contumely, with the ends Of their tails
in the absence of domestic broom
sticks. And thus, being without a
leader, the pack is soon broken up
L0nd0n Strand,
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-02-14

Mr.. Laightley Rich-'What! You
want to marry my daughter? Why,
you amt able to support yourself"
Young Mr. Gauley Blugore-"Ex-
actly. That's the very excuse gave
my family for wanting to marry"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-02-14
WORTH s3oo,ooo, 600.

The President of certain big Oil Com
pany is said to be worth $500, 900, 900. A
tidy bit of money and no mistake. And
yet he isn't happy. In an address to Bible
class he spoke of tfials and troubles of the
rich and the loads they have to carry. A
young lady whispered to a friend that he
might wear q Benson's Porous Plaster on his
back or, better still, divide the money among
the members of the class. don't know
why her idea about the plaster makes me
want to laugh, but it does. All the same
have seen plenty of people laugh after
putting Benson's Plasters on their backs
or chests, or on any other spot where there
was weight, heaviness, weakness or pain.
It may be the sharp stabs of neuralgia, the
aches and wrenches of rheumatism /; it may
be colds in muscles or bones; it may be
those kidney or lumbago thrusts that make
you yell as at dog bite; or it may be
strain or cramp, anything that wants quiet
ing and comforting. Don't bother with
sa1ves, iniments, lotions, ETC., or with any
of the stupid and useless old style plasters.
Clap on q Benson's. It relieves at once
and cures quickly. It stops the pain and
makes you laugh for the very ease and good
feeling of it. But watch out against I'M
itations and substitutes. All druggists, or
we will prepay postage on any number
ordered in the United States on receipt of
Csc. each.
seabury L johnson, Mfg. Chemists, NY.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1902-02-14

WHO was that you just spoke tor
asked the first Chicago woman; "his
face was rather familiar to me-"
Il believe said the other, "his
name is Jenks-Henry Jenks."
"Ol! to be sure. How stupid of me!
He was my first husband"