New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1902-11-17
on MAKING FRIENDS.
FRIENDS THE REFLECTION OF
ONES OWN CHARACTER


1t was nearing dusk of a dark November day.
Outside everything looked depressing. and depres-
sion was Enthusiastically written the face OF the
young woman who had dropped into chair by the
open fire OF friend-a busy woman, from whom,
however. there was always a welcome and a cup OF
tea TO be had at this hour OF the day.
What is the trouble?' asked the older woman.
going straight TO the point
Nothing; yes. there is. too. You always compel
frankness. have had final break with Ethel"
No; that IS have known her six months.
can't tell you what IT is. but she has hurt
MORALLY. and things can never be the same again
In fact she sails tomorrow FOR the winter IN
Italy"
The older waited as the younger one
paused and then went again.
The most discouraging time in life comes when
you find that people have been using your help and
your friendship selashy. just TO bring about what
they want make themselves more comfortable
Is II possible 70 find any real affection. wonder7
II 1 lost my faith in you universe would toppls
over"
I'VE all need sympathy" said the older woman
passing over the personal allusion. and we nat
uraIIy enough crave friendship But when two
people value each other Just because each has
found II convenient TO have the other around they
are not friends they are simply acquaintance on
a business basis Snobbishness and pretence are
mostly due TO desire 70 make use or people In one
way or another"
Then the older woman continued. rather hesitat-
ingly 81 have often wanted TO talk 20 you about
making friends You take your friendships too
violently too absorblngly. and a break almost in
evitably comes, till you are in danger Of growing
cynical It is the cynical people who talk about
the obsolete sentiment Of friendship. confess
they can find a good deal TO justify their cyniclsm
But the great danger Of growing to question friend
shin is that you will end by neglecting it dis
carding It altogether. believe that friendship,
generous friendship which is self-forgetfu IS just
az possible to-day as IL ever was only seIhsh
H0EysP fEa "a
tells US"
The Younger woman silent. but she listened
intently as she drank her tea. And the hostess
went On: After ALL ones friendships reflect ones
own character. We all naturally gravitate to con-
genial people who like what We like. We seldom
choose deliberately OF course. one may be too ex-
elusive and cautious in making friends. but the OPP
pOste error is even greateramabin5 eH6s TOE
a woman tries 10 be on good terms with a lot OF
SSeefhons but few people quite her. and her
friends are apt to be Of the fair weather kind
extremes. but it does not do to leave things too
ttiTnacIes of our lives come the wind bowswe
hardly know how But II we do little thinking
bV mistakes and unreal relationship -,
Socially though as you caPefy graSed scale
20 NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS., bowling and speaking &C
GHag5ta5n sEsv ca exDect undying aectOn from
crowd you had entertained at dinner GF 9@G 9Teo
..No; friendship Is for hard wear tor the deeper
orfTFaz NJ
s1nI1 il to the interchange Of society life All
@stIstionshps based selhshness. either personal
nIassnre OF usefulness. are merely accidental
land another thing Is true. contlhuea tne oIqer
,.,oTnan gently. Friendship can only exist De-
,ugeea eotIais. I don't mean equals In what we cal
SaI nosfon' or even in intellectual matters but
Equality based on deep undeT!yln n puFp0STs a1
tSeaIs rooted and grounded IN tnose PsFnaheht
t6S1gs which we call trust and faith and cnarac-
Haven't too mR9sisDil s B Idsais common thing
btc5 lam any one can pick up In the street And 1t
.nII5 not count for much II 1t were = 49,,
sssoTne people have a perrsct genus IOE IIleno-
shio they are open ana resp III
sLnAR., - ~ "a the younger woman thonghtfuly.
sSi1L1' ,naEe acuuaintanceships and caL them
.-,a1Ss came the steady reply we nave rev
Nv the price OF friendship. Trust IS tne nrst
Sssential Tor making friend II you are OVerSau-
sers sIspicious. self-asseruve you cannos MAKE
ouS'eseTSs People wont TO be AFRAID OF giving
redI LlS1 avray cheapIy. but II seems to me that
= STarTn hearted nature winch acls on u
q ~ bighsr inner type than the one "Lncn Is al
WAYS +r,Ist 10 start with there must be loyalty
mus Loyalty that is bound 10 ma expression
a. ,tIS. acts OF kindness. corslder anu aP-
arsrissIon sympathy need not pc kept LOT al
precssA IL rs lust acceptable IN all time or
Ssrsly oesnerity believe it is attention 70 little
sbirss fhat is needed 20 Keep friendship sweet
and vital: o,,-rnore than l can tell you" the
Lali'1 ,,,gyn1su said. warmly. as she rose 10 go,
49, ssSs,-sssion shining in her race shaIl send
some flowers TO the steSlAHSi ~ $1,000 -
ca .I, - last word before you 60 me other
J ase yotce was full OF feeling nave Aved
fhrouah such experiences 20 Dc SS % -, s,sS
S1.rt There are people whose frleilesllP cai stno
nurt En- test % separation without communication
Ara IN As always 10 me SORT OF - ~
bower OF things That 49, 49,
49,, 4. ,fs best test Of love-f there need os TEST
oba =, man and woman or friend and friend