New-York tribune., 1902-03-30
"WIDE OPEN"
AN EVERYDAY COMEDY.
THIS PARTICULAR ONE ENLIvENED THINGS
IN HARLEM YESTERDAY.

Act / Scene Thine, rush hour. Place, Third
ave elevated road station at One-hundred-and-
twenty-ffth-st. Drametis person9-Men women.
children babies drygoods groceries, trains. guards
and ticket choppers
Harlem train stops and fires a volley OF passen-
gers as if it were a pneumatic gun. Pelham train
stops and fires another. Crowd dis6orged by
Harlem train makes a rush for Pelham train. still
loaded the muzze.
Woman carrying Eiffel tower of bundles. big
white box surmountng It. tumbles and disappears
beneath trampIng feet. "Oh. mercy, My Easter
hat! Ny Easter hat! 1t isn't paid for What shall
I do? I'll sue the company
Tall is carrying bag of eggs under arm.
Jam breaks eggs. some of which should have been
retired on pension weeks before. Their stream Of
yellow trickles down silk hat Of short man direct
" beneath tall man. and seeks refuge under his
collar. A shove pushes short mans face into the
eggs. Tall man and short mix. EGGS impair
tiaI to both. Words undistnGuishable.
Woman carrying market basket and a baby as
rush Of crowd jams baby into basket: "Oh. my
child! Oh my roast, Help Pouce Murder, Fire.
Men claw women. women claw men. hats are
swept of Bottle of whskey is smashed in pocket
Of sporty looking Liquor drps on silk skirt
of elderly woman who has just been elected pres!
dent Of the Women's Society for Mailing Up the
Side Door
She-Oh. you nasty thing! You brute! You de-
spicable rumuy!
He-Theres quart OF good booze gone. and it
may ne dry today.
she--It will never be dry, Ny skirt Is ruined.
Waving arms and dying bundles hl the air.
Woman-Oh. my corns! Take your knees out
OF my back
Man-Oh my shlns, Take your elbows out Of
my ribs. and your umbrella Of my ear. and
your hat out OF my eye.
With a resOurding chorus OF yells. shrieks. curses
walls and jabber the crowd sweeps into the cars,
the gates clang and the train starts.
Act II, Scene Thine, ten minutes later. Place
last car OF Pelham train. Nearly all seated;
nearly all women clnging TO straps Tall man and
short man seated side b. side. Each waves a yel-
low handkerchief
short Inan-You confounded long, lean lank lam
tern jawed snub nOsed. mashed face. slab sided
knOckkueed, bOWIegged, pigeon toed. hunger srnit-
ten egsplant why didn't you carry your breakfast
Tan man-You d hammered down. pushed in.
dog Tipped. laid headed BIG stomaohed7 '7 bandy
legged fat shanked. wall eyed crossErained. eIe-
phant footed lobster of a runt. why didn't you get
Short man-When we get to the One-hundred-
and thirty third-st station I'll make you look like
Tall man-When I get through with you the por-
ter will sweep you up for mud spot
Act III. Scene Time, twenty minutes later.
Place. One-hundred- nd-thrty-t -third-st station
TAN man and short man stick together Crowd
rushes out like mountain torrent.
Short man punches tall man IN the stomach Tall
off platform. He founders around tracks like
hsh Of water. Engineer of downtown train
stops just in time TO avoid running over him
Men take sides, some standing up for tall
and others Tor short man They aght Train
ard children scream. Hats smashed, clothes
torn, eyes blackened and noses bled. Cuss. fuss
form. Engine whistles shrieking like mad.
No police. Fighters get out Of wind and stop;
Policeman appears hour afterwaTd. Says he
heard there was some trouble up there.