The suburban citizen., 1902-07-26
WHY TWAIN eUl1 THE RIVER.
Poor Pilot Spoiled to Make Very
Good Writer OF HuDaor.

| GOOu Nflter OF ttub1OTs
"What Caused Mark Twain to Leave
| he River, or Why a Great Humorlst
Did Not Become a Second Jim Blud-
so.' is one of the, books that have
never been written by Samuel L.
! Clemens or any one else. So far as
known the story has never even ap-
oeared in print, although it is vouched
for by several Of the old rivermen who
have the yarn-spinnlng habit.
According to these authorities Mark
Twain never became a full-fedged
pilot and never stood a night watch
alone. In other words, while he had
a pilots license, his mastery of the
| great river craft on which he rode
was always limited by the understand
| ing that an older and more experienced
head was within easy call. This was
no discredit to the young pilot.
On the occasion in question, 1t mat
| ters not what the year or boat, the
steamer to which young Clemens was
attached as cub pilot was bound up
stream with a heavy cargo of cotton.
! At the officers table the first day out
| from Natchez, Miss, the talk turned
upon what to do in sudden emergen-
| cies, and especially in case Of fire on
a steamer loaded with cotton. The
matter was discussed in all its bear
lngs, each OF those present giving his
| ideas upon the subject Mark Twain,
! like most of the others. held TO the no.
ton that it was the pilots duty in such
an emergency to emulate the now IA
! nous Jim Bludso and hold her nozzle
to the bank till the last gaoots
ashorJe" Immediately after dinner
| Clemens went to the pilot house to
stand his watch.
| Among those at the table was the
assistant engineer, a young man whose
experience of life had taught him to
doubt the ability Of human nature to
carry out the projects of its more
| boastful moments. He went below at
! the same time that Mark Twain went
! aloft. but the two continued to think
of the conversation just closed. The
more the engineer thought about it the
! less credit he was inclined TO give to
| the cub pilots scheme, however nice
1t might appear in poetry or the news
| papers.
AS every one knows the pilot house
and engine room of steamboat are
connected not only with the bells for
signaling, but with a speaking tube,
through which the important function
aries who operate above and below
can discuss the weather and politics
| in their spare moments. The mouth
Of the tube at the upper end is bat
little larger than the human mouth,
but in the engine room it has the
shape of a funnel as big as a half
| bushel measure. While the assistant
engineer was pondering the emergency
! question he was also wiping off a por-
fion of the machinery with a bunch
of cotton waste, and as he reached the
mouth of the speaking tube 1t was the
| work of but a moment TO touch a
match to the inflammable material in
his hand and thrust it far into the
! tube.
No one saw the act, but everybody
on board heard from it in about a min
ute. Mark Twain, alone in the pilot
room, and still ponderng the dire
things he had heard from the older
hands about the horrors of burning
| steamboats,, especially when they hap
pened 10 be loaded with cotton, was
Mortified TO see smoke pouring from
his end of the speaking tube. There
was but one thought in his mind. The
boat was on fire. Dropping the wheel,
which spun around and around as it
left his hand, he grasped the rope by
which the big bell was sounded and
began pulling like a sexton, at the same
| time raising his voice in cry of Fire.
Fire! The boats afirew Here the Of
ticers of the boat and the passengers
are said to have found him, after hur-
| riedly ascertaining that the alarm was
false, still valorously determined to
save the ship" The boat, relieved of
the rudder's guidance, had in the mean
while swung around in the current and
dashed full speed on a sand bar, from
which 1t required half a day to drag
her. And Mark Twain, having lost
his nerve, left the river.-St. INuls
| Globe-Democrat