Evening journal., 1902-02-15
BiIIParSOn'S COIumn
Published New and Then.
Amateur PoetrY


If fate should tempt you, reader dear
To burst into song
There is no harm in doing it,
But please don't make it long.
Remember when the gentle muse
. Would lead you into verse,
That there are things-there really
are
That are little worse
Write on. write on, oh, reader dear,
But take this gentle hint
Employ your pen by night and day
But Keep it out OF print
The amateur poet has come in for
mis- share Of the worlds execration
and the newspaper man
learns to avoid the man or
woman who drops in occasionally and
leaves q little thing that was dashed
on IN a few moments last evening.
BUT when that same newspaper man
occasionally inficts his own rhymes
Y upon the public, he has no defense.
There is one kind Of poet who has an
unfair advantage and knows 1.-THE
constructor of metrical obituaries. Sup
pose a young widow. pathetic in her
robes OF mourning. comes in with an
ohering OF few lines to "the best hus-
band in the world. and wants them in
serted in a prominent place, what can
The tender-hearted editor do. pray? He
may be rash enough to tenderly and
sympathetically comment on its merits.
while resolving to lose that manu-
script
Vain delusion That sad face with
the dropping lids haunts the sanctum,
and when the explanation is made with
great show of regret that the manu-
script has been mislaid. with a sad
smile. he is informed that she knows it
by heart and will dictate it to the edi-
tor 1t goes in, and the editor spends
restless night in wondering what his
readers will think of it.
Some OF these obituary effusions
would be amusing were they not Dor
dering on sacrilege. 1t is sad to know
that their absurdity is not understood
by their authors.
Recently we read in one of the
crippled effusions. whose feet were so
twisted that il hobbled. that God was
Jealous Of the people of the earth for
having in their possession such
priceless gem as the deceased and
therefore called the happy one home
to be the very brightest star in the
heavenly armament That is a case of
sentiment outstripping both theology
and sense.
The obituary poet has to be forgiven
much for the reason that the feeling is
often real while the lines are atrocious,
and the desire to do some service for
the dead often results in misdirected
effort
81. =
1t is said that there is a period in
: the life Of every person when there
? comes an impulse to break into rhyme
5 II usually follows the measles and
other infantile diseases. Sometimes it
passes. leaving the patient in a normal
state; at others it becomes chronic and
, gives up only with the death Of its vic
tim.
There is a period of life when the
young miss spends much time in her
boudoir, wasting realms Of paper. and
dangling her brains OF rhymes for
despair" and regret" and when love,
! dove above and prove come to mind
p without effort
The same thing happens to the young
man at the same time, suggesting that
one has caught the disease from the
ether He works in sever and
never" with great frequency. and oc-
/ casionally varies the monotony by
, making forever" take the place Of one
of the old twins.
( At this period he turns to Byron and
o copies the sentimental gush which that
! poet never meant in his heart and al
v ways has two persons very ordinary and
commonplace loving as only Dante
Il loved Beatrice. and separating for no
e earthly cause
e Then. alas, our hearts must sever.
y Dear one. shall it be forever?
e Thus it goes. and all because he
j. hasn't stuck closely to business anc
o consequently is only getting $40 a
e week and she is turning longing eyes
e upon the other fellow who buys those
e. chocolates. and whose father owns the
y corner grocery.
81 The winner doesn't write poetry
III which should be pointer for the re.
+ iected sutton No, the man Who car
ries off the loye-lorn maiden buys Z
IT corner lot. and attends to business
" And the fellow who has been severed
goes to Atlantic and hears the breakers
sigh and moan for spell drinks many
y foaming glasses of beer. and then goe'
4 back to his ribbon counter, if he hasn'
\ forfeited his job.
o o g
g. Did YOU ever stop to inquire whit
he writes the sentimental songs in must
e. halls and certain light operas? Ism
NJ il a marvel that human beings SHOULD
he be guilty Of such atrocities Is it sen
a timentalg If so. we have a young ma
leaving home" and far away he dot
- roam" In some distant land, an
wandering on a foreign strand (non
sense to beat the band). Then h
,e thinks of his poor old mother, how d
~ shall always love her" and neye
n ANY other. and then he comes HON
again to be forgiven, and finds tha
w his mother is in heaven" but oh.
gives him pain, not TO see her fac
again.
at Then in songs people are always 10y
ing. but never get married? How
OF lit? And the poet wrings our heal
"A with appeals to take back the engage
~ ment ring and usually it is take