Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1902-08-18

Knicker-"Were there any suspicious
characters about:" Bocker-"Only two
policemen"
As they reckon time: "How long has
she been on the stage?" only about
three divorces "-CLicago Record-Her.
aid.
Some one has named cigar after
Mary MacLane. 1t emits a blue flame
and sulphurous smoke.-St. Paul
Globe.
Nathan Hale is reported to have said:
II am sorry that am not a cat. so
could give nine lives to my country
Harvard Lampoon.
"Noodelles never disagrees with any.
body" Yes; that's what makes it so
disagreeable to have him around."-
indianapolis News.
Father-"Well my son. what did you
learn at school today" Little Proc
tor-"Not to sass Tommy McNutt"-
Chicago Daily News.
Bragge-"I was knocked senseless by
a cricket-ball two years ago" The hoy
in the cOrner-"When does yer eXpeck
ter get over it?"-Tit-Bits.
Truths echo: Good men. you know
are scarce" Yes. | know. and even
bad men have to make themselves so
at times. "-Boston Courier.
The optimist: Grandpa-"Well, Hor-
ace, we haven't caught any fish; it's
hard lines" Horace--~Rut we had good
luck digging worms. "-Chicago News.
Pugilistic.- Miss Bilyums
act as If it was severe blow when she
didn't get the prince" Belle-"Yes,
she took the count" -Philadelphia
Record.
Sunday-school teacher-"And so Lots
wife was turned to salt. Can any one
tell whyT' Wicked Willy from the
rear)-"She was too fresh. Harvard
LampOon.
Hardhead-"Well, every man has a
right to his opinion" Pepprey-"Yes,
but the trouble is he can't be made to
realize that there may be wrong to
it."-Philadelphia Press.
THAT author keeps his Identity close.
~ concealed" Eyes" answered Miss
Cayenne; until i read his books
thought it wars due to modesty." Isn't
it"' mo. Discretion. "-Washington
Star.
Far from It: Girl with the Gibson
girl neck-"Fan Billiwink has begun to
show her age, hasn't she?" Girl with
the Julia Marlowe dimple-"I should
say not. She's begun to try to hide it."
Chicago Tribune.
1t was her first ride in an automobile
and she was deeply interested in the
horn that was used to notify people to
clear the way. PAPA" she said.
"Well?" he returned. Make it snore
some more."-Chicago Post.
Haven't you read that lovely new
novel?" asked the first summer girl
NO" replied the other, the only edi-
tion of it I've seen has horrid yellow
cover that doesn't accord with any Of
my gowns. "-Phladelphia Press.
Sociable: well. well,' remarked
Farmer Korntop at the Zoo this here
lion pears to be real goOd-n,tured."
"Mebbe." suggested his good wife. Its
one O them social lions We read about
in the papers. "-Philadelphia Press.
This is a remarkable climate" sa id
the tourist. ut is" answered the old
settler Ever since | have been here
l have wondered how a climate could
change so many times day and every
time for the worse. "-Washington Star.
Upgardson-'.I hear there is some
complaint that the continual dampness
is rendering many pianos useless"
Atom--I have heard of it's running a
great many pianos. but haven't heard
any complain about it."-Chcago Trib-
une.
The superilrtendent-"No children.
why do We love to go to the beautiful
parks? What do we find there that is
always fresher and purer than it is in
the city"' Truthful Tommy with
cheerful mptness)-"Pop-corn. sr!'
Elk.
Eyes, count. in all the park there Is
no place l like SO we'll as under this
old. old tree" (Sighing sentimentally J
There are tender associations. you
see" AHA. comprehend. nam selle
You have yourself planted the trce!'-
Punch.
IL can't imagine anything more I'M
satisfactory than meal ut our board
ing house." said the chronic kicker.
MOP" replied the impressionable young
man. evidently you never got Il kiss
from your best girl over the telephone"
philadelphia Press.
How does it come you resigned your
position as Office boy!" inquired the
gentleman of little Jimmie: didn't you
like your employer Yes" replied
Jimmie, Il like him well enuf. but
didn't like tn brand NV seegars he
smok s."-Oho State Journal.
Baker-"Didn't see you in your auto
mobile yesterday" Butler-"That was
because l was under it. probably.
That's where spent the greater part
of the day, fixing things that had got out
of killer. l don't know as | shall get
much riding In my machine; but shall
learn a powerful lot about machinery"