The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1902-11-07
DOOLEY
ON THE
IRISH QUESTION
BY r. p. dunno.

RuSSelI-)
They was great ructions in III
House Az Commons tn other day" said
Mr.. Dosles.
"what about" asked Mr.. HennesSy.
About our downthrodden land" said
Mr.. Dooley. Not this wan which were
~downthroddin' Ourselves but tina little
green smrald island iv tn oppr4ssed
acrost tn sea L can't make out what
twas all about, on'y wan " tn good
ads asst tn Right H~on'rable Arthu.
James Balfour, a long-legged Scotch
man with side whiskeS, wud he or wud
he not give a day 10 tn discussion ~
tn state iv Ireland. He wud not. says
tn Right Hon'rable Arthur James Bal
four. Divvle tn day. We'll hin, says
the good fellow with tn fine name w
O'Donnell,' seem hat 1 can get no
justice fr me beloved country, / viii.
hall, maxim a ginyflixion TO tn Speak
and not angrily but in a sperit iv par
lyminthry propriety, step acrost tn
hall, maxim q ginyffiixion TO tn Speae-
er on the way over, shake me fist in
ye'er face. thus, an lave tn ROOM
he says. An he done it. TIL OIL oak
hall iV Westminster sildom has wit
messed such a scene but NANNY like II.
Tn air was filled with cries Nv Shame,
'Splindid,' 'O'Donnell aboo,' while tn
Right Hen'rable Arthur James Balfour
set in his chair, his face livid but smil-
in, tn Speaker tugged n~arvously at his
overskirt an felt iv his friZZes an
Siv-ral iV tn more vilent Numbers iV
tn Irish party took off their hats n
put thin on again in token iv their
rage. 1t was some minyits befure tn
house raysumed its nap. Thus was an
other Irish r~iv-lution brought to a sue
cisSful conclusion.
Twas a gr-reat day fir tn race,
Hinnissy. 1 thought whin I began to
read tn pa-aper an see tn nome
O'Donnell: Well, here's where tn
Right Honorable Arthur James Balfour
gets a good smack in tn eye They're
a figRtin' breed, tn O'Donnells, though
niver a match FIR us, an no mimber iv
tn family hat l yer knew cud get his
fist within an inch iv a mans nose
without LAWN it go two inches further.
Says 1 to mesilf: Go it, O'Donnell, me
boy. Eight to wan on ye.' But no
Ne'er a blow was sthruck. Tn race iv
ODonne1ls has changed. They're no
longer tn burly boys with tn pike an
tn scythe. They're FIR riv-lution but
don't upset tn tay-things. They no
more attilnpt to catch tn Speakers eye
with tn thumb. They're in favor iv
freein' ireland but with tn permission
iv tn comfy on rules. It's right, too
Hinnissy. I'm opposed to Whence in
amy form. We mus be palthrites bat
We must first iv all be gintlemen.
Afther ye, me dear Alphonso.
But whin I come to think iv It, l
guess perhaps I'm wrong. Ye can't be-
a rivolutionist in a silk hat an a long
coat Riv-lution is wurruk fr tn shirt
sleeves. A riv-lution can't be bound
he th' rules wv III, ~ n hnnn,,cn 80
again tn rules iv tn game. Put away
tn tall hat, niver mind tn cups an
saucers, tell Ma to pack up her things
an take tn girls off to her mothers.
Pah an tn boys ARE goin' to lave a
riv-lution.
with tn English if tn English were
Irish. TIL throuble with Englishmen
g~overnin' Ireland is that they're In
glish- An EngliShman niver gets to
know an Irishman. They don't speak
tn same language. An Englishman
can understand a German, a Turk, a
Chinyman, a naygur, or an Indyan, but
Irishman is talkin' an thinkin' about
thin what tn angels in Hiven ARE
sayin'. What's TIL use iv c~on-varsin'
with him? Give him a belt in tn jaw.
That's a language so gin-rally undher-
shtud that we niver need a pocket
ditchnry to make it out An Irishman
is always dhreamin' dhreams. If We
cud get into tn mind iv a hungry
Irishman IN a hungry Englishman.
ye'd find tn Irishman was thinkin'
about a banket iv tn Gods with him in
seat number wan singin' a song, an
tn EngIishman was refiictin' on tn
smell iv tn thripe down tn sthreet.
An Englishman don't know they-se
amy such things as wrongs in tn wur-
ruld. He sets down in front iv his
dinner an says he to himsilf: What a
Jolly wurruld this is! What an awf'liy
beastly jolly wurruldi Ivrybody IS
happy. Anybody that kicks does it
FIR exercise. I can't see a spot where
tn wurruld needs improvement. It's
such a complete job I must have done
it mesilf. Very civil iv me. What tn
doose is that man over there spOutin'
pothry about? He's a loonytick. Put
him out, Why, he's pintin' a gun at ne.
Well, p'rapS I'd better listen to him.
Mind We. Hinnissy, 1 amt in favor
iv dinnymite. Far firm 1t. Aven an
Englishman was niver improved BE-
Elm blown up. Or I'll put it this way:
I'm in favor of dinnymite but not in
favor fv its goin' off. They always
ought to be a little iv it undher an En-
giishman's chair. Thin we cud go up
to him an say: Things is goin' badly
in Ireland an somethin' mus be done.
Place to sign This paper an redress
our wrongs Wrongs says he.
What ar-re wrongs? he says. 1t wud
take too long to explain says me- We
Will on'y say thy'se a bunch Nv ioyr<
powdher undher ye'er h that may
go off amy minyit. Sign here
Il amt a Feenyan. dye mind,
| though | was, an l amt a Clan-na-
Gael though We can't prove IL be me.
but | niyer in me life see anything