The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1902-06-19

wealth brings it's disappointment.
After we lose it." puts in the mate
| rialistic man.-Judge.
81 see goose feathers have gone way
I'D on the market" Yep" And still
all the dealers keep marking them
| down. Baltimore News.
! New Cook-I'm afraid | can't take
the place, mum. Mistress-Why? New
Cook-Well, mum, the kitchen table
amt big enough for ping pong.
Aunt Matilda-Clara says she is %
does she? She isn't day under 30
Bertha-Perhaps she has been marked
down for matrimonial bargain, aunt.
| Mrs. P.-And l suppose If we have
another war you'll stay at home like a
coward? Mr.. P.-My dear, no one
could call me coward if l remained
at your side.
She-I hope our dear good pastor will
be able to refute these heresy charges.
He-I guess he's all right l under
stand the deacons are betting three to
one on an acquittal.
A country convert, full Of zeal offer.
ed himself for service in his first pray
er meeting remarks. I'm ready to dc
anything the Lord asks me-" he said
80 long as it's honorable. life.
"You and your sister are about the
same size, and you look exactly alike
Twins, aren't you?" asked the visitor
Course notw exclaimed Tommy, high
ly indignant. "She's girl"
YES" said the funny barber, were
I'D to date here We shave you while
you wait" ''Indeed!" replied Pepprey
1--WE usually found that you shave sew
eral other fellows while | wait"
Mr.. Jonsing (watching his wife at the
scrubbing board)-Why doan yo' call
me hobo an be done wild it? Mrs.
Jonsing-'Cause dis amt no aftah-din-
nah bokay talk. Is knockin' now, not
handin' yo' vi'lets.-Judge.
Il bet Tinkens that my bicycle could
go mile minute for fifty miles. |
won" You don't mean to say tina,
you rode that fast?' No" Then
how did you arrange itT' why. put
the bicycle in the baggage of through
limited"
Young Wife, don't see why we
can't get plain cook. have adver-
tised for one daily for more than two
weeks. acknowledgements for good
looking one, my dear. and you'll nave
dozen applicants the first dash out of
The box.
In Court-''What an awful looking
villain the prisoner ISL whispered a
lady in the police court to her husband;
Il should be afraid even to stand near
him. "Hushr' warned her husband.
1.-The prisoner hasn't been brought ID
yet. That's his lawyer. Bits.
Even though yOu seem successful
for a time" said the solemn theorist,
you will find some day that you have
not a friend left i'm the world" That's
all right" answered the practical poll
tician; Its part of my business to
see that my friends don't get left
Washington Star.
Prof. Shortmind (after the introduce
tion)-May l ask whether you are re,
lated to the Miss DE Styles, whom l
met at tire seashore last summer! Miss
DE StyIes-Why, professor. | am the
same Miss De Styles. Prof. Shortmind
All. indeed! That no doubt accounts
for the remarkable resemblance.--Chi-
eago News.
I'm tine. Near Future.-The Cook-OPm
sorry. mum, but the walkin' diligate nv
tn Suprame Ordher av Cooks hOv or
dhered me t throw up me job. Mrs.
Subbub ttearfully)-Oh, Norah. What
have l done? The Cook-Nawthin'.
mum; but yer foolish husbind got shay
ed i'm a non-union barber shop. tn day
before Yesterday Brooklyn Life.
Say, Pat. hear you've been offered
q fob in the customs. Are you going
to take tt" "Shure. an | am" But
the hours are long and the pay bad
Its meself that knows it," Surely,
those are two good reasons for refus-
ing it" 'Thrue for We, me hhoy. but
I've got six reasons for acceptin' !r.''
what are they" "Shure. wife an
foive kids"
Citiman-Yes, I'll be glad to run out
and see you some time. What's your
number? Subbubs Why-er-the
houses in Swamphurst are not num-
bered yet. Citiman-W Well, how shall l
find you? Subbubs-Turn to the left
from the station. and walk down the
road until you come to the second big
puddle. My house is directly opposite.
Springfield Republican.