Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1902-08-21
DAILY SHORT STORY
An Editorial Flop.
Copyright. 1902. by C. Il. LcwIs.I

yocated that the laws were too severe
ly administered. One night when In
his house alone a burglar got in and
forced the editor to open all his closets
and drawers in search of booty. Catch
ing the man off his guard, Plimpton
felled him with n single blow, bound
and gagged him and then said to
him: You are the first criminal we
have encountered In the flesh. All our
arguments were based on criminals in
the abstract. We have been deceived.
Our decisions have been put to flight"
The robber cursed him high and low
and struggled with his bonds, and
Plimpton continued:
Better late than never, however.
we shall now advocate the maximum
punishment for all criminals. You en-
tered our house to rob us. Let us see
if you have anything worth taking"
He knelt down beside the man and
searched his pockets. The search
brought to light a gold watch. $3T in
cash and a diamond pin, the proceeds
of crime committed elsewhere.
"Ah. this is better" chuckled Plimp-
ton. ''This is more money than we have
propriate everything to our personal
benefit. 1t is lucky you paid us visit.
This plumber dispels any last lingering
fear that necessity drove you to crime"
He picked up the broom. broke off
the handle, and for five long minutes
he pounded the burglars body from
chin to heel. The man yelled and ours
ed and rolled over on the floor. and
when the blows ceased he said:
''If have to live thousand years.
I'll have your life for this!'
Another one of our pet theories has
been that criminals We're not vicious"
replied the editor as he sat down to
rest. I'm the last issue of the Banner
we had q half column article on the
subject. We contended that the aver
age criminal had neither spite nor NAL
ice, but was simply seeking to get what
the world denied him, a living. You
seem to be thoroughly wicked man."
You bet amp'
Elm our issue of two weeks ago we
contended that the average robber aim
ed to rob the rich only, and only be-
cause oppressed by capital. Were we
correct? No. l see we were not. The
moment you entered this house you
realized that it belonged to poor man.
There are at least ten men in this town
worth $4,000 each, but you passed
them all by"
81 wish 1 had put n bullet into
your head and gone through the house
afterwardr growled the man.
The editor arose and welded the
broom handle for another five minutes
nd thor, down RI rap10rly
About six weeks ago there was a
case of punishment in the New Jersey
state prison which aroused public dis
cussion. a convict refused to obey or
ders and was given the strap. We con-
tended that few kind words would
have touched his heart and broken his
resolution, while our esteemed contem-
porary argued that he should have
been punished an hour sooner than he
was. 1t seems that we were wrong in
that particular also"
"Look out for me, old manr' growled
the burglar as he gritted his teeth.
81 see. Our whole line of reasoning
from start to finish has been wrong.
Excuse my pertinacity. but was it the
knowledge that Gould. Vanderbilt and
Astor had tens of millions while you
had only few shillings that drove you
| into crimeT
"You are fool" was the blunt reply
"But, tell me, could you have found
work and lived an honest life had you
so desiredY'
work! Why, you hump nosed bloke
who wants work when he can make n
living without? The only thing I'm
sorry for is that such fool as you are
should have laid me by. the heels in
this fashion. If 1 was free, I'd roast
you at the fire!''
I'VE believe you would, but you
won't get free. We can now clearly
see what an ass we have made of our
self In arguing as we have, and
And he rose up and applied the
broom handle again until his arms
ached. Greatly to his surprise the bur-
glar called for mercy.
"Can this be a parallel case of the
New Jersey affair?'' asked Mr.. Plimp-
ton. "AIl our kind words produced no
effect on you. but corporal punish
ment seems to bring you to terms"
"For heavens sake. don't wallop me
any morei' whined the man. LET up
OIL me. and I'll make tracks. You've
had all the fun there was in it and
can afford to turn me loose"
"Not yet. In our arguments with our