Sunday Washington globe., 1902-05-18
Ofthe Pension Office Has Some
body After Him.
In Which the Short Comings Of the
Victim is Shown Up over the Long
Distance Telephone With Commits
sioner Ware-Barnes Must Be Feel
ing for His Scalp Under the New
Regime.

/ A correspondent in the Pension Office is
/ kind enough to send US, already prepared
this supplementary chapter on Mr.. Barnes
He heads it our Telephone Exchange, +"
and proceeds thus like an old veteran or
rather a veteran of the old school Of inter-
viewers:
Hello GLOBE.
/ GLOBE. Hello, who is it?
Commissioner Ware. GLOBE / wish to
submit few further inquiries concerning
the Baruacle. Can you give any additional
items that will show his make up?
GLOBE. Yes All we know comes di-
rectly from employees of the office who are
fully acquainted with the man.
Ware. Very WELL Present what you know
to be facts
GLOBE. What occurred at the last Nc
Kiuley Inauguration will serve as a guide.
The Barnacle by some means secured an
appointment on the committee to prepare
the Pension Building for the inaugural ball.
While this work was in progress the duties
of the Office had to be suspended. This
suspension Of labor included the labor force
as we'll as the clerks, OF course they drew
their regular pay which was perfectly
proper, The BarnacIe wished the laborers
to assist in the preparation and promised
tile exorbitant sum of $500 for about a
weeks work. Some Of them refused the
pittance Of fifteen cents a day. They were
told they could take $500 or nothing, The
laborers. however, presented the matter to
the proper authorities and were hually
given decent wages for their services de-
spite the threats of the Barnacle
Ware. How much did the Baruacle re-
ceive for his services?
GLOBE. SIoo
Ware Did the Barnacle make ary further
exhibition Of his inner self during the in
auguratOn?
GLOBE Well he was very dictatorial
Though he had no control whatever of the
watch force he strove to order them about
as if he were in full charge. He even went
so far as to ask a District policeman to
arrest the captain of the watch. The police
man said plainly: Il have no right to inter-
fere with Captain Perry. He is doing his
duty faithfully and is not under my iuris-
diction." Commissioner Evans had to call
the Barnacle down once or twice and show
him his proper place.
Ware Is'ut the Barnacle a sort of a me-
chanical genius2
GLOBE. Yes, in a way He is exceed
ingly brave thirty-fve or forty years after
the war of the Rebellion Any one who
watches his toy boats, the Monitor and
Merrinac, chasing each other in the waters
of the Pension Office fountain, can readily
see that as a me mber of the navy (nit) he
is fighting again the battles Of the war. In
like manner he Is exceedingly courageous
in the face of the danger attending the
blowing up of the Battleship Maine in
Havana harbor.
Ware. Didn't he participate in the actual
engagement?
GLOBE. His fighting is all on paper or in |
the carpenter shop.
Ware. What other evideG % OF his in.
ventive genius has he presented
GLOBE. Well, he has made a representa-. |
tion of the columns and arches of the Pen.
sion Office painted by the Canadian artist
Allison. and in imitation of that genius has
painted, in a vertical manner, the name
BARNES
TO hand his fame to an appreciating pos.
terity.
Ware. Are these all the evidences of
genius that the Baruacle has preserved |
for posterity?
GLOBE Hidden in the basement of the .
sprung full-grown from his mighty brain
in response to the desire Ito have the en-.
gineer hoist with his own petard." Its
original purpose, it is said, was to assist in
lifting objects from the first TO the upper
floor of the building. The principles of
mechanics had not been carefully studied.
AS result, to lift a weight seventy-fve
feet, the man who turns the capstan has to
--sft I
probably be sent, properly labeled, with
The government exhibits to the St. Louis
Exposition in 1904.
Ware. Now are you sure you have ex.
iausted the list of great ideas that have
iitted through the fertile brain of the
GLOBE. We can't hope to do that but we
,an't close this interview without alludiug
1t least to one or two others. Several
years ago the Barnacle fashioned a full
grown swan which foated peacefully for
ime in the waters of the fountain in the
Pension Office. It was finally removed,
md report has il that the BARNACLE
bought two dozen porcelain hen eggs and
S now employing the swan to incubate
hese eggs and produce boneless chickens
or the market. Should the experiment
prove successful he will next strive to
and develop in the fountain
lew variety Of boneless fish for the special
Use Of veterans who have lost their teeth
nd have impaired eyesight. The BAR
sAcLE is a mighty genius, and though
expensive at SI,4Oo q year and
requisites, he has, contrary to all expec-
ltious OF wishes on the part Of tile eu-
lOyes Of the office been tolerated
Hell Roaring Jake" Smiths mug is to ]
dorm the Republican campaign buttons in