Evening star., 1902-01-25
TRIALS OF THE ACTOR

tNlHI0 VT inE AClOh
"One Of the things that often get me to
wondering when I'm In the theater and
watching 'em cavorting and gyratfng and
carrying on on the stage" said the man in
the rear car seat with the cotton wadding
IN his ears, 'fs how they can go right on
doing it without feeling kind o. ashamed
and sheepish and foolish with themselves.
1t looks good and sounds good enough to
me as sit there. but how does 1t all sound
to them, after they've done II hundreds of
times before? When the young fellow finds
himself in the villains tolls and rolls his
eyes aloft and works off those highfalutin
sayings about how he'll be all to the good
when the returns are in and the eash's
counted up I feel the goose-fiesh a-risin' all
over me in spite o. myself, and get kind
O. choked up along with the rest of 'em
and find myself roofing that the Iad'H get
a gait on himself and win out handsomely
hands down. But that same noble young
chap has heard himself make those lofty
predictions so often, has made the kissing
declarations so many times, has folded the
girl in his close embrace with such fire.
quentness, SO to speak, that it's wonder
to me that when he does 1t all over again
he doesn't feel kind o. tired and mean and
bogus-like.
Il lay in bed sometimes and think of
show that l saw, say three weeks before.
about the show, and how chesty and
naughty the hero is at the climax Of the
third act when he corrals the girl and
downs the villain with his herculean right
blceps, why, they are doing the same little
Old stunt, say to myself, in Pittsburg, or
Cleveland, or Chicago, or somewhere. and
the girl is just shrinking and demure
and chnging as she was when 1 saw her go
through her little motions and she's got her
eyelashes blacked up just the same way,
and she is making just precisely the same
KIND or goo-goo eyes that saw her make
And, as lay thinking about it, this always
strikes me as being queer and sort O. i'm
becIle-llke. OF course don't know how it
goes, but 1 should think that shrinking,
clinging slip of heroine would feel mon
strous foolish in the eyes of the rest of the
folks on the stage that've watched her go
through the same performance so many,
many times before.
Worse, however think at these times,
must be the state of mind of the stage
folks who earn their salt and Holsters
Newburg in the funny way. Take the
funny man of comic opera, for instance,
that runs, as We occasionally hear OF 'em
running, in one theater for 400 or 500
nights. Well, when see him he's funny. He
causes me to roll around in my seat to such
an extent and to bawl out SO boisterously
that I'm almost afraid one of the ushers'll
be tapping on the shoulder and telling
me that I'll have to behave or get out.
Now, if I went to see that same funny
fellow the second time he wouldn't make
don't believe I could sit through his antics
three times. Well, this being so q reflect
as I lay there in bed thinking it over), how
can he stand himself tonight, after he's
gone through precisely the same moves,
eNuded exactly the same jokes, sung pre-
cisely the same topical songs in the identi-
cal Self-Same tone of yOice-how can he
reconcile himself with himself, how can he
help but confess to himself that he must
look grisly and mournful and almost in
tolerable even to the chorus girls who
make such a brave effort to smirk in the
parts of the piece where the stage manager
insists upon snirks? / should think he'd
begin, after a while, to hate himself with
deadly, intense concentrated hatred, and
I should think this would prey on him so
that he'd be hunting around for chance
to drive truck or carry the hod, any old
thing in life rather than feel that he has
to appear about the size of a. French pea
in the eyes of his stage associates.
"And then. take a variety show where
they do it all twice a day! Shouldn't you
ina gine they'd prefer drawing and quarter
ing to that? Did you ever sit right close
to the footlights when one of these bur-
lesque shows is on the stage, and observe
the expressions of acute pain that cross
the features of each and all Of the lovely
ladies of the semi-circle when the knock
about comedians are going through their
parts? Their faces almost seem to crack,
you almost feel as If you could hear their
faces crack, when they grin, as they've
just got to grin or stand for roast when
they get INTO the wings lOF IlStleSSUeSS.
And they get through the whole dreary
thing at in the afternoon, say, and
snatch morsel or so of something to eat,
and then at they've got to go on again
over again for three or four hours.
Wouldn't you rather be a canvasser for
patent lamp chimney cleaner?
Even the star chap, who plays an heroic
and exceedingly romantic part-the fellow
who spits 'em all on the point Of his sword
with "Zounds!' and Gadzooks" and a
Have at thee, thou scurvy cutpurse"-
even this duck I should imagine would feel
more OF less like lead nickel after he'd
mock k-slaughtered the four five thousand
dubs that he necessarily mock-slaughters
in the course of long run OF his piece. He
knows, of course (as imagine), that he's
bluff and a four-ausher, and that if In real
life man would chase him with snicker-
snee he'd run four miles to get a cop, and
yet there he Is, condemned to ,By'r Lady!
and What no! and run 'em through the
body in sets Of fours, wearing his trousers
and pretty ruffled white shirt-I think
that little old s1O-per-week job as a ship
ping clerk In soap factory would suit me
more than that.
''They can have 1t. They can pick it up
and run away with it If that is the kind of
thing they like. But want to be privileged
to say something different every time I
open my trap. What say mayn't amount
to much, and it probably does not, but it
isn't in any old ogs-eared prompt book.
and it's got some kind of different twist
to it from the things that said last night
or the night before last.
IT don't want to be no actor man, nor
actor woman, either. l suit me just the
Way stand and If forget to grin or look
sorrowful in the right place I'm not in any
danger of losing my mess number on my
meal ticket, which is whole lot of an ad-
vantage when you begin to think it over"
An Enemy to Rodents.
The use Of mouse traps at the city hall
I, llx hoo Oh hod fho