Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1902-01-11
ON HIS DOCTORS ADVICE

Yes, my dear, said Mt. Vaxzalean,
mighty eloQuently. a few days before jan
uary 1, 1902. to his wife, 1.-THE time has ar
rived when I've simply got to QUIT smok-
ing. There's no further use In my trying
to convince myself that tobacco isn't hurt
ing me. 1t is. It's knocking me out. that's
what It's doing. I'm having all kinds Of
queer futterings Of the heart lately. and
my memory's getting poor and my dys-
pepsia worse. and I'm as nervous as cat
that's been fshed out OF a cistern. There's
only one thing for me to do. and that's to
quit smoking. I'm going to quit. take
my last tobacco Whit on New Year eve.
After that. no more"
But, my DEAR" inquired his wife. do
you think You can stop?" with the accent
on the can
well, can make the biggest stab at
quitting you ever saw" he replied, hero
ically. There oughtn't to be any such
word as can't in the dictionary OF
grown-up man. It won't be any picnic.
I've been fooling with cigars and pipes;
but a fellow can do any old thing that he
puts his mind to. It'll probably bother me
little at first. but I'll get used to the
deprivation. and then I'll get my nerve and
memory and digestion back where they
ought to be. Did you ever stop to think.
anyhow, what foolishness smoking is? It's
the most lunaticai habit imaginable when
you begin to reflect upon 1t, isn't it? Eel
low just jabs cigar or pipe into his face,
and draws lot of bitter smoke into his
lungs, and then exhales 1t, and when the
smokes about finished he feels a heap
meaner than when he started. and that's
all there Is to 1t. Just habit, that's all.
It's pure cussedness, on the part of US men
to smoke-we just do 1t because we know
that it's sort O. under the ban. Well, no
more Of 1t for me. I know when I've got
enough. and now that I've got my mind
thoroughly made up to stop 1t l wouldn't
smoke gift cigars that cost 81 apiece after
I've had my final New Year eve smoke.
Vazzalean stopped smoking all right. He
found 1t pretty rough travelling. and he
was pretty hard to get along with, but he
stayed with his determination for several
days before he began to feel internal tndi-
cations that he was weakening. The men
at his office made 1t pretty hard for him,
as q mans Office mates and other asso-
ciates invariably do in such circumstances
When he reached his office in the morning
they'd maliciously lean over his desk and
blow rich, fragrant wreaths Of Christmas
present tin-box smoking tobacco In his d.
rection from their pipes, and then he have
to grip his chair and grin wanly and try
to think OF how they were wantonly de-
stroying their health. When they'd return
from their luncheons they'd transformations
ly. but Intentionally for all that, circle
around Vazzalean blowing the smoke from
their nice. long, black cigars toward his
countenance, and one Of them would call
Vazzalean's attention to a new cigar he'd
OSCOF6Teu, duu uOtU uuueT NdZZdledu .
nose so that he could inhale the smoke III
rectly from the ash; and then Vazzalean's
face would look drawn and haggard. and
he'd find himself wondering why, after ALL
pretty steadily since his eighteenth year.
should hastily abandon such a source Of
comparatively harmless pleasure.
Just as likely as not" he found himself
thinking, all those ailments that thought
proceeded from smoking cigars came from
lack of exercise and overeating. maybe,
and sedentary life. I certainly feel a
burned sight more miserable since I stopped
than I did when was smoking like CHM
ney."
However, the recollection Of the elo-
quence he had employed in swearing Off in
the hearing of his wife restrained him from
beginning again. He found his existence
joyless enough, especially in the evenings,
when he discovered that he could get little
good out Of his evening paper without the
usual accompaniment Of cigar. Several
times In fact, he caught himself staring
blankly at the paper when he had it turned
upside down.
Don't you feel much better since you
stopped smoking?" his wife would ask him
every night as he tried to get his mind
on the news Of the day.
.Ye-es,' he would reply, unconvincingly,
but she thought that he meant 1t.
IT'S SO nice not to have any old cigar
and pipe ashes to clean up, and not to
have the curtains smelly with tobacco
smoke" she would go on.
"uh-hnh," he would reply, scratching his
head refiectively.
When Vazzalean got home on Monday
evening last he found awaiting him a neat
ly done-up package containing five boxes
Of cigars. each of them holding 100 smokes
They had been sent to him by his uncle
from Havana, where the old gentleman
had made a stop In the progress Of a win
ter tour. The cigars were fine big per-
fectos, beautifully made. tantalizingiy
fragrant, and very choice goods.
"(Teep' said VaSSalaan 70 ivoco
If you'd only got them few months
ago." his wife said. Then you could have
smoked them What shall You do with
them, my dear?"
"Oh, put EN- away. and I'll have 'en for
my friends when they CALL" said Vazzal-
can In an offhand tone.
The receipt of those 500 cigars settled it
with the wavering Vazzalean, but he had
to think up ways and means. On Tuesday
morning he called upon the Vazzalean
family physician. an old friend and had
a ten-minute conference with him.
On Tuesday evening there was a ring at
the door bell which Vazzalean himself an
swered. The family physician stepped IN.
How are you, Vazzalean?" he said cheer
lily. Just been visiting patient down the
street, and thought I'd drum you and the
good lady up and say howdy. How's the
vazzalean health?" seating himself in the
sitting room.
"oh, we're all right" said the deep, deep
Vazzalean Pm not quite right, but"
Well. I should say you're not rightr.
exclaimed the doctor. starting and examin-
ing Vazzalean closely. What ais YOU.
man? You look all tucked up."
Dunno" replied Vazzalean with a panied
smile. Stopped smoking bit suddenly on
New Year. and since then"
'Vazzalean?'i interrupted the medical man.
Are you sane? Dye mean to sit there and
tell me that, after the way you've smoked
for years, you quit suddenly"
Yep" replied Vazzalean, sadly.
why, You Internal idiot" stormed the
DOCTOR ITS enough to kill you. You see,
when a mans frame becomes thoroughIy
surcharged with nicotine, and he stops to-
bacco suddenly, he suffers from what we
technically call anagarkis Of the tinkoio-
rum. and that's decidedly serious some
times. The miltidioptum Of the ventricuIar
whoopreesis fails to act In conjunction with
the nipchugcis, and when that happens YOU
are in trouble and lots Of 1t. The benefi-
cial effect Of nicotine on the pinkaloopkis Is
SO we'll KNOWN"
Mrs. Vazzalean, who had been listening to
all this with staring, alarmed eyes rushed
upstairs, and when she returned, a mo-
ment later, she carried box Of those Ha-
vana perfectos.
my dear" she said to her husband. s'you
smoke one Of these this instant, and don't
you stop any more!
ais 5co