The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-12-21

ANNIE amy VENICE Bessie anu OAAie
the Tom Ochiltree those fellows are
talking about. He is a race horse that
John Chamberlain named after me-"
And it was a fact.
Colonel Ochiltree had many friends in
both houses of congress, and frequent
~ spent weeks in Washington when
congress was in session. One night he
was sitting in a hotel talking with sew
eral friends, including Senator Hearst
of California. Senator Hearst told
pathetic story of his overland trip 70
California in the days long before the
war. He said he and his companions
suffered many hardships, lacked food
and frequently were in distress from
lack of water
One day when Mr.. Hearst was feel
ing that he would die unless he had a
drink. he with his party passed along
trail near a ranch house. A young red
haired boy ran up to them with tin
pail of water. He. handed it to Mr..
Hearst THE water was cold and
fresh said Mr.. Hearst, in telling the
story, land L never had a draught that
did me so much good and for which
was so grateful. Many and many a
time have l thought of that red-haired
boy and wished 1 could see him in or
der to tell him how grateful / was and
reward him. I'd give him $4,000 if
could see him now" the senator added,
earnestly.
Colonel Ochfltree arose and bowed.
Senator" he said, you have a chance
to realize your dream and to show your
gratitude. 1 was that red-haired boy"
g @ g
A Chicago liar tried to Guido Colonel
| Opbilfroo oDo daU said q had inst
returned from the Carlsbad springs.
where he had experienced miraculous
cure
You don't say?'' said the colonel.
Yes. indeed, rambled on the Chi
cago liar. You see, 1 was suffering
from liver complaint and after consult
ing the greatest physicians in America
1 decided to go to Carlsbad"
"Humph! 1 never supposed you took
any stock in water" said Ochiltree,
scornfully.
Neither do, when it is plain. But
I carried a flask of fine old Bourbon in
my inside pocket, and when I reached
the famous springs I kinder diluted the
water so as to disguise its taste, and,
Will you believe me, the following morn
ing I was entirely cured, and when
woke up I found myself the possessor
of brand new liver"
bah. that's nothing" Colonel tom
calculated "If you'll believe me-
Sure" yelled half a dozen listeners,
'If you'll believe me-" continued the
Texan, unperturbed, Ct had a liver CON-
plant the worst way and was a perfect
martyr before I went to Texas to try
to get cured
new brand of pills known as the Amer
lean Liver and Light Cure. Being a firm
believer in American remedies, 1 pur-
chased a single pill. took it, and al
most instantly possessed tin liver
with electric light kidneys. Home in
dustriesI gentlemen. home industries
But they led him away to the cafe.
Colonel Ochiltree once got the better
of a lawyer in New York City WHIT
tried to make fun of him on the wit
ness stand. IT was in March, 1894 wheI
the colonel had his nurse, James T
Lynch, arrested on the charge of steal
ing a gold watch. betting book, al
overcoat. an umbrella, which he haC
bought in London, and a roll of bills
He said that he had lost all this prop
erty when he was i'll at West Thirty
third street. AS soon as the colone
took the stand the lawyer for tn
nurse asked:
You were suffering from too higl
I
We'll, I didn't live in the cellar,
. can tell you was the answer.
But you had been drinking to-
much?'
No. sir. I had not been drinking
although I am not bigoted teetotai
: ler,' was the prompt answer.
! But this watch-you got that for
I. poker debt persisted the lawyer. VIII
was beginning to get red behind tn
ears.
No; it was too honest a watch 70
that. It had an open face chuckle
the witness.
"The lawyer blushed up to the root
of his hair, took a hitch in his sus
: penders. and then went at the com
! plainant ferOciously with this question
= a. But. look here. Are you perfectl
n sure that this man took your watch
! Could not someone else have stolen it
. If you had ever called on me
n quietly remarked the colonel, I migI
: have believed you had stolen it
d 'The lawyer thereupon gave up ii
n cross-examination.'
n On one occasion Ochiltree upset Lor
Y LOnsdaIe when that Englishman wa
[, being entertained in New York City G
n his way home from Alaska. Lord Lon.
dale had been telling many thrillin
stories, and an audible "Oh." wer
q around the table when he finished tel
n ing of a petrified forest in Africa,
: which he found number of petrifie
n lions and elephants. AS the English
J. man laDsed into silence and the al
e plause sank to an echo. all looked
e Colonel Ochiltree to defend his nation
h atty and beat this petrified Eon stor
Texas, said the colonel, after
r. pause. has its petrified forests. bu
II although they contain no petrfffed lion