The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1902-03-09
mL A u c. H S.M


Johnny's Logical Conclusion.
Little Johnny had been gazing bought
fully at his book Of animal pictures when
he suddenly called out:
Say pa, does 1t cost much to feed a
liony"
Yes"
How much?"
oh. a lot OF money"
A wolf would make a good meal for a
lion. wouldn't IL. PAP
Yes. / guess So"
And 4 fox would be enough for the
wolf. wouldn't it,
Yes. yes"
And a fox could make a meal OFF a
hawk. eh, paT"
And the hawk would be satisfied with
a sparrow"
"Of course"
And a big spider would be a good meal
Tor the sparrow. wouldn't It. pa?-woudn't
il. pa?"
Yes. yes"
And the fly would be enough for the
SPIDER"
Sure"
And a drop Of molasses would be all
the fly would want. wouldn't it?'
oh stop your chatter"
But wouldn't It. paT-
Yes"
Well. pa, couldn't a man keep a lion
more'n a year ago on a pint of molasses!
Just at this point 1t was discovered that
IL was time for little Johnny TO 60 TO bed
Salt Lake Herald.
We'll. how does IL seem TO be engaged TO
such a wealthy girl?" Fine. Every time
| I kiss her / feel as II / were taking the
coupon of a Government bond."-Lfe.
Not a Real Exchange-"Did you see those
two women exchange looks?" Yves: but.
somehow. that dark one in red Is still the
better NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Evening Bull
letin.
soldier?' Old Man: Yes. sir. l have
fought nifty years in the South African War
and my father and grandfather both spent
their lives helping to lick the Boers.'-Ohio
State Journal.
her. / won't have q son-in-law who has
no more brains than to want to marry a
girl with no more sense than my daughter
has shown in allowing you to think you
could have her.'-Chicago Daily News.
Claribel: IT wonder what that creature
meantr" Lizzie: What creature?' Clar-
libel: why. Tentworth, Of course. When 1
told him everybody said 1 was Improving
in my singing, he said he was delighted TO
hear II. The idear'-Boston Transcript.
Explained-"I. seems TO me-" said the
young housewife. tneTc . utiic " ihuSh
water in the milk you serve" 1T won't
occur again. ma'am." said the foxy milk
man. you see. the farmers man has been
giving the cows too much salt and II made
'em very thirsty. The farmers got a new
man now."-Philadelphia Press.
Up in the Air.
Casey: did you say Brannigan had
Quit?'
Cassidy: "Aye. He left his place lasht
week"
Casey: "Shure. he told me he had a loife
job"
Cassidy: so he did. Twas in a quarry
he wurk'd. an the blast wint of befoor he
knowed it."-Philadelphia Press. |
The Reversible Pursuit.
Paul: Percy, what is your idea of sue
cessT"
Percy: My idea of success? Well, it is
having people run after me who used TO
run away from me-" !
The Ways of Some.
Stubs: "Scripps tells me he gave YOU !
an elegant edition of Shakespeare as a
birthday present"
Scripps: Yes. he did: then he borrowed It ,
and kept 1t six months.
The New Cook.
Mrs. Martere: II must say. Jane. that I ,
am not altogether pleased with your cook |
ing" !
The Cook: TT isn't TO he expected you
should at first. ma'am: but you'll get ed |
ucated up to 1t in time."-Boston Tran
script.
After h Battle.
Life is q BATTLE said the moralist. "in ,
which some are wounded"
And bank cashiers" interrupted the
jokesmith. ARE usually reported among the
MISSING" -Philadelphia Record. |
Why He Hesitated. |
Bildad: Did the size Of her pile make
you hesitate?"
Yes. For a long time I didn't know how
much she had."-Detroit Free Press.
A.. ..sub.titute.
Congressman: II tell you sir. the peo-
pie demand free sugar OF Congress-"
Senator: "Pshaw! The people should
be satisfied with the tafry We give them"
Chicago News.
Wise Parent.
Teddy: Mamma, Tommy Jones knocked
me down on the way home from school to-
day. after 4 pause.) But 1 gave him a
bat in the eyer"
Mamma Before he knocked you down.
Teddy. or acknowledgements Journal.
Her Reason.
"And did you really marry him for
money!"
We'll. a girl has to have some reason for
marrying a mdn."-Chicago Tribune.
For Him to Pay.
do you suppose women will ever be
sent to the Legislature. Wilkins?"
''wouldn't be surprised. My wife's in
clined that way now"
Your wife? Pshaw.'
Fact. Why. it's no new thing for her
to introduce a bill In the house."-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
RevivinS the Old O6ense.
THE woman who went over Niagara In
a barrel has made no money on the lecture
PLATFORM
BARELY paid expenses. I suppose?"-Ex-
change.
A REc0
IN