Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-23

Fred-John's wife helps him with his
literary labors, doesn't she? Freder-
icka-Oh! yes. she cashes his checks.
Il wonder If he knows my sister has
money" "Has he proposed?" 'Hes
has" HE does."-New York Herald.
do you believe in love at first sight.
Chris ?'' '.Sure. If more men took a
closer look they wouldn't fall in love"
Philadelphia Bulletin.
"Will you marry me?" he asked. 81
told you once that | would not" she
answered. "Yes. but that was yester-
day." he urged.-Tid- Bits.
Its small village" $50 small
they call shop store?" ''Oh, small
er than that. They call store an en-
porium."-New York Sun.
HE proposed to her as joke"
| "YesY' well, she accepted him. He
does not regard himself as a humorist
| any more."-Brooklyn Life.
Jaggles-A new summer drink has
| been named ping-pong. Waggles-So
| they're going to force it down our
throats. eh?-New York Sun.
Too late we learn to grasp the clew,
'Twixt that which is and that which
was;
And the man who's always "going to"
Is the man who never does"
Jenkins holds his head mighty high
this mornin'. What's happened?"
Just put mortgage on the mule an
sold mockin bird for $1O.-Atlanta
Constitution.
Pa" said little Willie, Il wonder
| why a bad actor is called a ham,"
Perhaps" replied his father, ''it's be-
cause he's so often served with eggs"
Philadelphia Press.
He-Do you mean to say the plumber
has not been here yet? She-No-isn't
it shameful? And we such good GUS
toners; our plumbing is nearly always
out of order!-Brooklyn Life.
Foreign Visitor-Your American So
ciety has no castles with haunted
rooms. American Gifl-N-o, we haven't,
I admit; but (brightening) we have
plenty of scandals.-New York Weekly.
Traveler-I sent you half an hour
ago to the railway station to find when
the next train goes. Porter-Yes, sir.
and to be sure and be exact l waited
till it started-it was just 12:37-Poli-
chinelle.
81 don't believe you love me a bit!'
sobbed his wife. But l do, darling!
/" Don't tell me! It's unnatural
cho1116 0n,1fd 1nvn n
woman who wears such old hats as
do."-Answers.
Judge-Have the letters been duly
examined by the handwriting expert?
Prosecutor-Yes, your honor. Judge
Very well. let the handwriting expert
now be examined by the insanity ex-
pert-Ohio State Journal.
Clerk-"Mr. Shipper was in while you
were out; he said he'd call again to-
morrow Proprietor-Very kind of him.
Clerk-But he wanted to collect bill.
Proprietor-Very kind to say when he
would call.-Boston Transcript.
Now that my engagement to Edgar
is broken off wonder if he'll ask me
to return the-jewels that he gave me?
"If he doesn't ask for them I'd send
them back at once-for in that case
they're not enuine"-Fliegende Blaet-
ter.
"Of course you've read Homer's story
of Ulysses and Calypso haven't you?"
mo, l really can't say that l have.
There's so many books keep coming out
now, don't you know, that just SIM
ply don't pretend to keep track of them
all."-Chicago Times-Herald. =.
Mr.. Stingum-By the way. Sharpe
says he saw you in the Rongtong cafe
yesterday-Nuritch Cadd-Yes, but I
cut him. Did he tell you that? Mr..
Stingum-No, but he did remark that
he expected every minute to see you
cut f.-Philadelphia Press.
The automobile had broken down
and the chauffeur was busy trying to
discover the trouble. The impatient
owner Of the machine at last broke
out: Hurry up, Felix; there are lot
of people crossing the street that we
are missing."-Yonkers Statesman.
Mrs. Waldo (of Bostonj-I have a
letter from your Uncle James, Pencil
one. who wants US to spend the sum-
mer on his farm. Penelope dubious
ly)-Is there any society in the neigh
borhood? Mrs. Waldo-Tve heard him
speak of the Holsteins and Guernseys.
1 presume they are pleasant people,
Boston Christian Register.
Life Worth Living.-George-
life is worth living, after all. Jack
What's happened? George-I went to
a railway station to see my sister off.
and by some chance Harry Handsom
was there to see his sister off, and in
the rush and noise and confusion we
got mixed, and hugged his sister and :
he hugged mine.--New York Weekly. =.
Ready for Anything.-"But, why"
ask of the great inventor, "do you have
this huge balloon at the top cf your
machine, and the large wheels and
steering gear beneath it?" Because"
he answers, with patient consideration
for our inability to grasp an idea when
1t juts out before us, Il am not sure
yet whether this will be an airship or
an automobile" e"-Baltimor American.
A man went with his wife to visit
her physician. The doctor placed a
in the woman's mouth.
After two or three minutes, Just as
the physician was about to remove the
ho man xr-bo ,r,.