davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01

two minutes to the postof6ce?" plain
lively inquired the sore eyed man as
he sQuinted at the homelike surround
ings.
Mr.. Bowser uncorked with pop and
poured forth cuss words, and the result
was a fight in which the odds were
to 1. and he went limping back to the
station to get a train. On the way
home he was kindly asked by half
dozen passengers how be got black
eye and bloody ear and how the col
lar came to be ripped off his coat and
his suspenders busted, but he answer
ed never q word. He was as one deaf
and dumb until he reached home, and
children who saw the glare in his eye
drew away from him. Mrs. Bowser
and the cat sat on the steps as he
turned in at the gate and halted at the
front Of the steps.
"Well, did you find paradise" she
asked as she braced her feet for the
coming explosion.
But there was none Mr.. Bowser ges-
tured and worked his jaws, but words
failed him. and be limped up the steps,
passed her by and fell in a heap in the
ha,1 as if dead. NJ. QUAD.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
The Wind Did 1t.

"I happened to be in Wyoming
town when a city lot was put up at
auction" said a Boston drummer, land
in spirit of fun l made a bid or two.
1t was knocked down to me at $40, and,
I was wondering if anybody would
take it off my hands at half that when
the city marshal called on me and said:
Look here, pard, I want to lease
your lot by the head
"'What do you mean by head? ask
ed
"'Well, it's the only lot in town with
a tree on it, and want to use that tree
when there's a hanging to be done.
I'll give you SIS every time use it.
"'And about what sum can you
guarantee?'
"'Oh, it will run $50 or $50 year
anyhow, but if times are good it'll go
$50 or $780,
II closed with him." SID the drum
mer, land in six months my income was
$50. Then. not hearing anything fur
ther, wrote to the marshal, and in re-
ply he said:
Sorry to inform you that your old
tree has blowed down and that we now
have to walk a man mile to hang
him."
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
Too Gorgeous Books.

The author Of Elizabeth and Her
German Garden" writing on the civ
ing Of Books" in the Century, says:
Gifts Of books addressed solely to
the spirit should never be editions de
luxe. OF what use is a book to me,
however much l may want to read it,
if it is so gorgeous that it must not be
taken anywhere where rain might fall
on it, or where it might get muddy, or
where needless gnat. caught by the
quick turning of leaf, might leave its
legs in the pages. angering the owner
of the defiled book, who does not want
it's legs. almost as much as it is itself
angered by having to go on being a
gnat without them? can no more
take an overgorgeous book to my
heart than l can fold my child in my
arms when it is dressed for party.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
Brain Food Nonsense.

Another ridiculous food fad has
been branded by the most competent
authorities. They have dispelled the
silly notion that one kind of food is
needed for brain, another for muscles
and still another for bones. A cor
rect diet will not only nourish par
ticular part of the body, but it will
sustain every other part. Yet, how
ever good your food may be, it's nut
riment is destroyed by indigestion or
dyspepsia. You must prepare for
their appearance or prevent their
coming by taking regular doses Of
Green's August Flower, the favorite
medicine of the healthy millions. A
few doses aids digestion, stimulates
the liver to healthy action, purifes
the blood, and makes you feel buoy
ant and vigorous. You can get this
reliable remedy at Kaufmann's Drug
Store. Get Green's Special Almanac.
51-32
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01

Health is magnet which irresistibly
draws the man to the woman in life's
mating time. Health does more than
tint the skin with beauty; it puts music
into the voice and 5uoysncy into the
step, as well as happiness into the heart.
A great many women covet beauty and
are constantly y seeking aids to beautify
them. Let woman first seek perfect
health and all other charms shall be
added to her.
There can be no general health for
women while there is disease Of the
delicate wor,a1lly organism. The first
step to perfect health is to cure woulaniy
diseases by the use of DR.. Pierce's Fa-
vorite Prescription. 1t establishes regu-
larity, dries weakening drains, heals
inflammation and liberation and cures
female weakness.
II used four bottles Of yS!r 'Facorite. Pre-
scription and one Of Colds Medical Discov-
cry writes Mrs. Elmer d. Shearer. of Mount
hope, Lancaster Co.. Pa. "cnd can say that am
cured of that dreaded disease uterine trouble.
Am in better health than ever before. Every
one who knows ne Is surprised to sec me look
so we'll. In June was poor IN health that
at times I could not walk. To-day az. cmrcd.
I tell everybody that Or. Pierce's medicines
cured me-"
FREE. DR.. Pierce's Common Sense
Medical Adviser is sent free on receipt of
stamps to pay expense of mailing only.
Send 81 one-cert stamps for the book in
paper covers, or 81 stamps for the cloth
bound volume Address DR.. R. Y. Pierce,
Buffalo, \. Y.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
A DARING WLnKmAN.
Ills Crazy Antics on an Cnfinishe q
Bridge Across the Niagara.

Ills Crazy Antics Oh an Unfinished
Bridge Across the Niagara.
81 remember" said bridge con-
tractor some time ago while on the
subject Of workmen's daredeviltries,
when working at the big bridge
across the Niagara when the two can
talever arms had approached within
fifty feet Of each other keen rivalry
as to who should be the first to cross
sprang up among the men. A long
plank connected the two arms, leaving
about two and 4 half feet of support
. at each end. Strict orders were issued
that no one should attempt to cross the
plank upon penalty Of instant dis
misSal
cat the noon hour I suddenly heard
a great shout from the men, who were
all starting up. Raising my eyes, l
saw 4 man step on the end of that
plank, stop minute and look down
into the whirlpool below. l knew he
was going to cross. and I shouted to
him, but he was too high up to hear.
Deliberately he walked out until ne
reached the middle Of the plank. It
sagged far down with his weight until
I could see light between the two short
supporting ends and the cantilevers on
which they rested. He saw the end in
front of him do this, hesitated and
looked back to see how the other end
was.
II thought he was going to turn. He
stopped. grasped both edges of the
plank with his hands and, throwing
his feet up. stood on his head, kicking
his legs in the air, cracking his heels
together and yelling to the terrified on
lockers. This he did for about min
ute. 1t seemed to me like forty. Then
he let his feet drop down. stood up.
waved his hat and 'trotted along the
plank to the other side and regained
the ground.
eve discharged him, of course, but
what did he care? He got all the glo-
ry. his fellows envied him, and he
could command work anywhere. -
Cassier's Magazine.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
boarders happy. How soon can you
mack the trunks"

boarders happy. How soon can you
pack the frunks?'
what for?' asked Mrs. Bowser.
"Why. to go out there. Of course. We
want two weeks of. and we have
found the place. We needn't even
wait to write to them. We want those
airy rooms. cool breezes, fresh vegeta-
bles and eggs from the nests. can al
most imagine myself sailing DER the
placid waters Of that lake this very
minute. We ought to be able to get
away by day after tomorrow. l can
pack my own trunk tonight"
Mrs. Bowser wasn't obstinate, but
she was firm. She refused to do any
packing until Mr.. Bowser had taken a
run out to Crows Nest and looked the
place over. He at first fatty refused,
arguin3that no one would dare adver-
tise like that unless things were all
right, but finally decided to make the
trip. While he was investigating she
could be packing, and so no time would
be lost. During the remainder Of the
evening he was in the highest spirits.
He saw every feature of those home
like surroundings in his minds eye,
and owe, snd over again be reposed in
the shade of the pear trees or pulled
boat up and down the lake. Even in
his sleep he was playing croquet and
hunting hens nests. and his impatience
was so great that he could hardly taste
his breakfast. Mr.. Bowser got away at
an early hour, leaving instructions that
the trunks should be packed during the
day, and after q ride of two hours on
the train he arrived at his destination.
He was 50 gocd natured on the way
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
MR. BowsEa GOT AWAY AT AN EARLY HoUR.

MR. BOWSER GOT AWAY AT AN EARLY dOCh.
and here exclaim 'Eurekar In other
words, l have tumbled on good thing
and solved the problem. Read it."
Mrs. BowSer read:
Persons seeking for a homelike place in
the country in which to pass few weeks
should write to the Crows Nest; large,
airy rooms, pure air, spring water, fresh
vegetables, eggs and milk, plenty Of shade
and homeike surroundings; table unsur-
passed. no children or dogs taken; two
minutes to the lake, five minutes to the
postofice; no mosquitoes, flies or malaria;
croquet, golf, pingpong. etc.; terms, 50
per week.
"Well, what do you think Of it:'
asked Mr.. Bowser as she returned the
slip.
81 think it's fraud" she replied.
That's you. of course. You see a
fraud and q swindle in everything. l
wouldn't have your suspicious nature
for any money. What's wrong about
this advertisements
"It promises too much for the
money"
Il don't see it that way. Here are
farmer and his wife who are lonely for
the society of nice people, and, being so
situated that they can make a dozen or
so comfortable. they are willing to do
it without robbing them. Any one
could tell by the very name that it was
nice place to go to. I'll bet that farm
er would break his back to make his
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01

that he passed over several little things
of an unpleasant nature, and when ne
was finally dumped out at country
station the conductor had come to re-
gard him as kind hearted, mild tenn
pered old gentleman. Crows Nest
loomed up half mile away. 1t loomed
from a sense Of duty. II it hadn't
loomed, there would have been nothing
but q boblailed COW and. stack or
marsh hay to make up the scenery.
The Drospect didn't strike Mr.. Bowser
as q CHEEKY one, but he p!odded on
through the dust of the highway until
he reached the house. He might have
thought there was some mistake but
for man at the gate who answered
his inquiry by replying:
eyes; this is Crows Nest. DO you
want Doard?'
It was two story. unpainted and
unfinished farmhouse. The shade was
furnished by four or five old plum
trees. and there wasn't enough grass
about the place to furnish q COW with
ten good bites The lake was behind
the house, and it was a part OF
marsh.
Come in and see my rooms," sug.
gested the man, who had boil on
his neck and q cloth tied around his
head.
In dazed way Mr.. Bowser followed
him. There were five or six untenanted
rooms. Some were plastered, and some
were not. ALI of them were airy be-
cause most of the window glass was
broken. The view from the front rooms
took in the highway. an old barn and a
field grown up to milkwceds. That
from the back was composed of the
marshy lake and an old horse standing
on the shore and wondering whether
he would better drink or not.
"Come down and see my wife before
YOU decide" said the man, and Mr..
Bowser followed him downstairs and
ont into the kitchen and discovered a
redheaded, sharp nosed woman who
was making ready to put 4 mustard
plaster on her jaw to cure the tooth
ache.
"And now I'll introduce you to my
boarder," said the owner or Crows
Nest, and he led the way to bench
Under one of the plum trees where sat
a sore eyed man, who rose up and said
he had gained ten pounds in the last
! week.
i"WeI, what room will you take. and
when can we expect you?" queried the
host.
"Say, now, this is blamed fraud!'
exclaimed Mr.. Bowser as he broke
loose at last.
"What do you mean, sir?'
81 mean that any man who will ad-
vertise as you do, and bring people to,
such hole as this ought to be booted
all over the United States"
$50 you are kicker, eh? thought
you was, as far as I could see you.
Well. don't want you at any price"
"And 1 wouldn't stop here for $50 a
day. Heavens, what gall! You ought
to be prosecuted for swindling. You
| ADVERTISE
Don't call me no swindler" warned
The host as he grew menacing in his
actions.
"Is he lookin' for kings palace and
board at 50 week?" queried the wife
as she stood in the door with, her
hands on her hips.
WHO can ask for anything better
than airy rooms, beautiful lake and
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
He Learned a Great Truth.

It is said of John Wesley that be
once said Mistress Wesley: "Why
do YOU tell that child the same thing
over and over agail?" "John Wes-
lev, because once telling is not
enough" It is for this same reason
that you are told again and again
that Chauberlain's Cough Remedy
cures colds and grip; that it coun-
teracts any tendancy Of these dis
eases to result in pneumonia, and
that it is pleasant and safe to take.
For sale by J. E. Kaufmhnn.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
His Life in Peril.

Il just seemed to have gone all to
pieces" writes Alfred Bee. of We'll
fare, Tex, "biliousness and a lame
back had made life burden. I
couldn't eat or sleep and felt almost
too worn out to work when I began
to use Electric Bitters. but they
worked wonders. Now I sleep like
a top. cen eat anything, have gained
in strength and enjoy hard work"
They give vigorous health and new
life to weak, sickly, rundown people
Try them. Only soc at j. E. Kauf-
mana's drug store.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
Ran a Ten Penny Nail Through
His Hand.

While opening box, J. c. Mount,
of Three Mile Bay, N. Y, ran ten
penny nail through the Aeshy part OF
bis band. Il thought at once of all
the pain and soreness this would
cause me-" he says, "snd Immediate
" applied Chamberlain's Pain Balm
and occasionally afterwards. To my
surprise it removed all pain and
soreness and the injured parts were
soon healed" For sale by j. E.
Kaufman.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
Goes Like Hot Cakes.


The fastest selling article I have
in my store" writes druggist c. T.
Smith, of Davis, Ky, lis DR.. Kings
New Discovery for Consumption,
Coughs, and Colds, because it always
cures. In my six years OF sales 1t
has never failed. I have known it to
save sufferers from Throat and Lung
diseases, who could get no help from
doctors or any other remedy" Moth
ers rely on it, best physicians pre-
scribe it and J. E. Kaufman guar
antees satisfaction or refund price
Trial bottles free. Regular sizes,
SOC and 81.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
Diverse Appetites.

81 wonder why donkeys eat thistles"
said the man who is always finding
something peculiar in life.
"Oh," answered the passen who likes
plain food, there is nc accounting for
taste. If a donkey were to give the
matter 4 thought, l suppose be would
wonder why human beings eat olives"
Washington Star.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
A HARD HANDICAP.

W\IiE town hall always has a crowd
& TO hear my Uncle Jim;
3 There amt nobody in the state
That talks as we'll as him,
But when he run fur office once
I had to mourn his lot;
Mine and another feller's was
The only votes he got!
The man who beat him was a chap
Of ordinary mind:
He want particularly wise
Nor specially refined,
And all he said was, "Howdy do"'
In accents mild and bland,
And all the work he ever did
Was shakin' some ones hand.
The voters said they'd tried to help
The weak and not the strong;
A man as smart as Uncle Jim
Was sure to get along.
That's why that man of average mind
Finds life a restful joke,
And incidentally that's why
My Uncle Jim is broke.
Washington Star.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
A Light Sentence:

a gentleman now living in New
York tells the following story Of ne
gro in Tennessee whose son had been
convicted of killing Il fellow workman.
A few days after the trial the father
was asked what disposition had been
made of the case.
"Oh," he answered. "dey done send
Johnson to Jail for a monf.''
''That's a light sentence for killing
man. don't you think?"
"Yes," answered the darky, "but at
de end Of de mont dey done goin' to
hang 'im."-New York Times.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
APPRENTICE QUARRELS.
Young French WorI>men Travel AL
ways Ready For n Fight.

ways Ready For n Fight.
Jealousies between the workmen's
corporations in France result in 'Ho-
meric" combats, bloody battles. 1t is
the one bad side of an institution that
is otherwise so truly fraternal.
They start out in companies, rarely
alone, to make their tour Of France
Before coming back to continue their
work in their own villages the young
apprentices 60 together from town to
town 70 study on the ground the mas
terDieces OF their trade and to see the
best that the genius of their ancestors
has produced. 1t is the knight erran-
try CT the workman.
He earns his living en- route. perfects
himself in his profession, lcarrs from
one master and another, sees, COM
pares. studies, admires. He gathers his
humble harvest Of souvenirs and I'M
pressions, enjoys the full vigor OF his
early years and passes his youth along
the sunny highways.
Unfortunately there is disagreement
among the societies" In everything
there is found Il preteXt for Guarrels.
The society Of the Pere Soubise is
jealous of that Of Maitre Jacques, and
the Enfants du Solomon take part in
the quarrel whenever possible.
Two companies meet on the road.
The two leaders, the master compan-
ions" stop at twenty PAGES from each
other.
"Haltv' says one. -.
"Haltw says the other. -; snsSSsS
"What trader ssssE
Carpenter. And you:" F
"Stonecutter. Companion"
"Companion"
"Your society-country?
And according to the reply they drink
from the same gourd or fight The
melee becomes general. They fight,
fist and stick, until the road is Uttered
with those who are wounded, some
times even to the death.-Harper'
Magazine.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
A Fine Liver Cure.
GreenVille, Tenn.

GreenVille, Tenn.
I have thoroughly convinced my
self that DR.. Bakers Blood and
Liver Cure is the finest medicine
made for Indigestion and Constipa
tion. Il have tried them ally and
was cured by the use of this medi.
cine, after all others had failed. ]
most cheerfully and unhesitatingly
endorse it. Yours truly,
81. N. Baker, Mayor.
For sale at the Bazaar.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
SuperstitfOn.

Parson Visiting prison)-Why are
you here. my misguided friend?
Prisoner-I'm the victim of the un-
lucky No. 13.
Parson-Indeedi How's that?
Prisoner-Twelve jurors and one
judge.-Chicago News.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
They Never Speak.

"Yes," said the engaged girl, ~Dick
is very methodical. He gives me one
kiss when he comes and two when he
goes away"
That's always been his way re-
turned her dearest friend. "1'Te heard
lots of girls comment on it."
Thus it happens that they cease to
speak to each other.-Chicago Journal.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
Benevolent Affair.

We pause before 4 dignlfled police
man and seek the light.
What" we ask, lis that awful noise
across the way?'
"That-aw, that amt nothin' but
lot O. kids cryin' over in the found
lin" is the reply.
"Oh," we muse, "a sort OF charity
bawl, eh:" And the policeman clubs US.
Baltimore News.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
You Know What You Are
Taking

When you take Groves Tasteless
Chill Tonic because the formula is
plainly printed on every bottle show
ing that it is simply Iron and Quinine
n a tasteless form, No Cure, No Pay.
SOC.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
An Enyiable Position.

Biggs-I met man yesterday who
makes his living by buying millinery.
Boggs-Well, what OF it?
Biggs-Oh. nothing: only I've been
buying millinery ever since l was mar
ried, and | never made any money
by it.-New York Herald.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
Why 1t Was ALI Right.

you needn't be at all afraid to
speak to papa, George. l am sure it
will be all right"
What makes you think so?'
"Ee asked me last night what your
business Is. and when l said you were a
retired coal dealer he smiled and said
he guessed that settled t. Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
BUCOLIC MR.. BOWSER
WITH EAGER ANTlcIPATlONS HE
; VISITS A SUMMER RESORT.

BE Wanted to Stay Two Weeks Until
He Reached There, When He Soon
Found the Eloquent Ad. Failed to
! Do the Place Justice.
Copyright 1902. by c. B. Lewis.l
sss~A UREKA' signifies I have
IA found it. doesn't it"' asked
III Mr.. Bowser as he reached
=. home tie other evening
with a smile on his face.
Eyes, something like that, believe
replied Mrs. Bowser. DO you mean
YOU have found q new patent fire es-
cape or something new in gas burn
ers?"
.sWhat mean is this" he said as he
produced a newspaper advertisement
and placed it in her hands. I'VE have
been looking for some place out IN the
country where We could spend week,
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
r the Baby is Cutting Teeth.

Be sure and use that old and well
tried remedy, Mrs. Winslow's Sooth-
ing Syrup for children teething. It
soothes the child, softens the gums,
allays all pain, cures wind collie and
is the best remedy for diarrhna.
twenty-five cents bottle.
It is the best Of all.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
The Average Man.

Tommy-Pop, what is an average
man?
Father-An average man, my son, is
one who feels that he is little better
than his neighbors. rs.-Philadelphia Rec
ord
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01

Not Dissuaded by Compliments.
Husband-Your hair is your crown
ing glory, my dear.
Wife-That's all right. but I've got
to have new bonnet just the same
Exchange
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
Too Slow.

Messenger Boy-Lost yer job, eh:
Ex-Ofice Boy-I gev it up. 1t Wuz
all on account O de typewriter.
Messenger Boy-Didn't she like yer!
Ex-Ofice BoJ3It wasn't 'she," but,
q "he." Dat wuz de trouble; nobody
ter firt wit Philadelphia Press.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
NOT to Be Overlooked.

He-Don't you think two can live as
cheaply as one? =
She-Yes, but how about the cook -
Detroit Free Press.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
Love Cna6orned.

"She says that in the whole course
Of uer life she has never been so bliss
fully happy OF SO wholly wretched.'
Il see. Hers is just commonplace
love affair."-Town Topics.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01
He Took Advice.

why have you failed in life"
MY employers always told me THAI
n man with my brains could make
more money doing something else
Judge.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01

If we could raise our neighbor's chill
dren instead of our own, there would
be model generation.-New York
News.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-10-01

Diamonds are worth $300,00e,000 q
ton. Remember this and don't pay a
cent more.-Philadeip Record.