The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1902-06-04
HE HAS SWORN OFF.
Mr. Jerry Dugan Tells a sitt,e Story.

Haf. JeFry Dngan Tells q little Story.
An uncouth specimen of the human
family, giving his name as Jerry Du-
gan, appeared before the orderly SER
geant's desk at the central Police Sta
tion last night and fled his applioa-
cation for nights lodging. His hair
was through his hat and his feet was
through his shoes. He was just an
ordinary hobo, who dropped in to
stay over until morning with the cop
rs-s.
"Yes, / have had few little ups
and downs in my day." remarked the
tramp to Reporter sitter he was
securely locked up in cell. GIVE
been ship-wreoked, lost AMI drowned,
as the sayin' goes, but I butted into
q proposition a few weeks ago that
would make the worst-o of Edgar A.
Poe's midnight dreams GO way back
and sit down forever. And 7 might
as we'll make it understood before wad-
ing any further into this recital thst
me and Mr.. Booze have severed CO.
partnership now and for all time to
come. The cup that cheers and
paints landscapes on the imagination
has played its last and final prank
with my thinking organs and my rea-
sons therefor are good and competent.
Through the gross oversight and care
lessness Of youthful surgeon in
big public hospital in western town
l missed by hairs breadth being
put away in Potter's Field alive.
But, as good luck would have it, for
one time in my checkered career T
woke up before the operation was COM
pleted, and now live to give out the
facts Of that experience for the benefit
of mankind in general and for GER
tain class Of embryo doctors in par
ticular.
"a short time back I was hanging
around corner gin mill in one of the
big burgs on the Great Lakes. It
was Saturday night and the first thing
I knew gang Of guys had me- at =
table filing my carcass up on ell the
mixed beverages in the barkeeper's
catalogue. I kent on loading up until
l wers down and out; just toppled off
my perch into the sand on the floor
and positively refused TO rise again.
They let me doze for an hour or more
and then undertook to bring me
around, but it was no go. I was done
for all to appearances-completely
kuocked out. I shall always main
tain that some guy doctored my last
drink, for prior to that J. had never
had any sort Of alcoholic mixtures to
Timber me up in such manner. They
pounded and thumped and punched;
stood me on my feet, but I was limp
as dish rag. In desperation tie cop
on the beat was called. He rung for
an ambulance and I was thrust into
the vehicle, whirled up to the emer-
gency' ward Of the hospital and
stretched out on q cot. OF course, I
didn't know all this at that time; I
didn't know anything until I woke up
in the morgue, where dead bodies are
placed for safekeeping-ncw we're
talking-one Of these places where
the departed spirits are laid away
until the expiration Of thirty days
and il no one claims said deceased he is
transferred to the peoples graveyard
and inferred. But I'm switching from
the main yarn.
when I came to myself I was
lying alongside the pleasantest look
ing stiff you ever feasted your vision
on. The pair Of us occupied double
berth in the big refrigerator. I was
rugged in little white shroud with
fringes around the borders. My arms
were folded plaoidly across my breast
aud my feet were neatly tied together
by bandage wound around my ankles.
The party who laid me out for my
journey hence must have thought me
Too lovely to die-plucked in life's
morning, as the feller says.
swell, maybe I didn't let yell
out of me when I opened my lamps
and saw where I was. Cold? should
smile. You know stiffs have to be