Evening journal., 1902-02-27
CAUGHT AT RANDOM

London, was no respecter Of persons.
as indicated by a story which connects
him with the present Kaiser. The EN-
peror and the Empress had been wor-
shipping one Sunday morning at St.
PauRs, and were going out before the
celebration. Il should like" said the
Emperor, TO see the tombs of Welling-
ton and Nelson before l &C." You
can't, sir" replied the yerger; Service
is going on in the choir" Il should be
noted dlhat these tOmbs are not in the
choir, so THAT nobody would have been
disturbed by the Emperor's visit; but
to the yerger the rules OF the cathedral
were as the laws of the Medes and Per-
slams.
Breathes there a man with soul so dead
Who never to himself hath said,
At midnight, stumbling DER a toy;
Gee whzzl Ill simply skin that bOy!"
Governor Albert b. Cummins, OF
Iowa was inaugurated in the presence
OF his father and mother, his daughter
and his grandson.
Are you married MANI" inquired
the inQusitive stranger
mo, sir, rpelied the other, sadly
"Oh, said the first, II trust you will
pardon me for referring to your be-
reavement. / should not have opened
such a touching subject"
Touching describes It beautifully. 3"
mulnured the other 1T is hard to
pay SIS week alimOny.'
! arl
recently came of age. has been warned
for active service in South Africa, and
will leave for the scene of war soon.
Hospital DoctOr-"Have you ever
been asphyxiated belOre?"
Mose-"Yes, sah; in de lef alhm-but
it didn't take, sab
She often wonder how you manage
to dash off those exquisite little poems
Of yours And what a lot of money
you must make.
First Poliucian-They want TO intro
duce voting machines down in my
ward
Second Politician-We've had them
walking around in our ward for years.
The number of persons to the section
.of Land is. in Great Britain, 342; Japan,
800; Italy, 27G; Germany 27O; Austria,
.225; France, 1877; Hungary, 154 Spain,
92; United States, %; Russia, 10
Poat-'I was pleased to see my poem
i'm your paper. Is there any money
EditOr-"Oh. no; we shant charge
yo uanything this time It is your first
offense, you know. IT, however, il isl
repeated. we cannot let You off again
so easily"
Basil OF Russia had no nose. having
lost that valuable member by a sword
cut during a fight with the Tartars
He had an artificial nose OF wax 1as-
tened on with cement On one occa-
sion, during a court ceremonial. the
nose dropped off. to the terror of the
German Ambassador and his suite.
Mr.. Fijiit-I wonder what Lot. said
when mis- wife turned 10 salt?
Mrs. Fiiiit-I presume he said. Il
told you So"
The type of horseshoe common in
the Orient is plate fitted so as to cover
the entire bottom OF the hoof with
pcrfOration in the centre The weight
of the average horseshoe is. three
fourths of a pound The native smiths
usually cut these plates from sheets of
wrought iron and rudely shape them
for the purpose in view
has introduced a bill to provide for a
universal Language"
What's tine good of it?"
Il guess you wouldn't ask II you had
TO carry a district in which there were
seventeen distinct varieties Of foreign
ers.
Peck at frst meant a basket or re-
ceptacle for grain or other substances.
The expression at first had no reference
to size.
THE foreigners up in the coal re-
giOns, says a writer in the Philadel-
phia Record. drink polinsky, and
that's why so many stories of horrible
crimes come from there Polinsky is
at the bottom Of every riot and much
murder. It is simply a mixture of beer
and bad whiskey, usually blended in a
washttb. and seasoned with spices. AT
every wedding, christening wake on
gathering Of a social nature there is al
ways a tub OF polinsky. In one hour
all hands will be drunk. in two hours
there will be free fight and. unless
the police interfere in three hours there
will be a murder. In the more thickly
populated communities the police try
TO break up these pOlinsky parties in
their incipient stages, but they dom
always succeed"
My parents tried hard to keep me
from becoming an actor. The villain
81 congratulate them on their sue.
cess"
THE ODD PENNIES.