davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1902-12-12
THE AMERICAN AND
HIS SENSE OF HUMOR
y HARRY DANIEL.
arryD
By HARRY DANIEL.

1t is a fact worthy of special notice that
the American people have keener sense OF
humor than the members of any other ma
tionality. When one considers that the aver
age American works harder and worries
more than the inhabitant of any other coun-
try, it is remarkable that here humor is most
popular and prevalent.
In a land where nervous prostration is
as fashionable as ping pong, and where dys-
pepsia has become household word, it
would seem that there would be little time
or disposition for humor. BUT THERE
The Washington bee., 1902-10-25
CAPITAL SAYINGS BANK

Cog F ST., n. W., Washington, D. c
Capital $4,000
Hon. John R. Lynch, President.
J. A. Johnson, Vice-PreSident
r. H. Terrell, Secretary
L. c. Bailey, Treasurer
d. B. NcCary, Cashier
Directors:
John R. Lynch, DR.. W. S. Lotion,
Warfeld, Mckinley, L. c. Bailey,
Robert H. Terrell, W. s. Montgomery,
Wyatt Archer. Iohn A. Pierre, Henry
E. Baker, ]. T. Bradford, ]. A. John
son, DR.. A. w. Tancil. Howard H.
William.
Deposits received from 10 cents up
ward. Interest allowed on $500 and
above. Collections meet with prompt
attention. A general exchange and
banking business done.
The Washington bee., 1902-10-25
GOOD WORK COUNTS.
New System of Promotions for the
Pension Bureau.
bssmmissiOner Ware Announces Thar
Merit Alone Is to BE Considered
in the Selection of Men
for Positions.

Pension Commissioner Eugene F.
Hare has adopted d system of pro
motions for his bureau which he in
tends TO make permanent feature
The system Is explained in the fol
lowing letter of instructions TO a spe-
cial committee on promotions:
! want you TO pick out the best
men you can find in the bureau for
each place, three from which l can
select. l want TO promote for merit.
want TO establish an incentive
Therefore you will not overlook the
quiet man who attends 10 his duty.
Do not forget the man who has no
statesman iuterceding for him. Re
member the~ old soldier and prefer
hin. when his merits and capability
are equal Give no precedence TO po-
Htical pull, and do not let religion
or nativity cut any figure. When
merits are equal, and only when
equal, take d republican instead of
democrat"
In explaining his system, Mr.. Ware
said to a New York Times CORE
spOndent:
My first lesson on assuming this
Office was that the most remarkable
pressure was brought TO bear on the
commissioner of pensions TO appoint
men 10 positions in the bureau who
had had no experience in the office.
had two Sl,SOO positions to fill, and
hoped 10 postpone the selection of
men for those places until l had
fully familiarized myself with the Of
fee conditions. But | found had to
make those appointments and make
them soon. l think there were over
400 men presented to me with the
strongest Endorsements for those two
jobs.
We'll, nearly all of the applicants
were we'll fitted for the work, but as
looked about the office l saw a good
many other men who had worked
here for years, who had developed
the most valuable knowledge and ex-
The Washington bee., 1902-10-25

perience here-many of them old
SoldieTs-and l made up my mind
that if anyone was made an $1,sOO
clerk II should be the man who had
proved his ability and his steadiness
right here under fire, SO to speak.
I'll appoint outsiders as places for
them may be created, but they will
have to go in at the bottom of the
ladder.
THAT was my first principle-that
no outsider should be jumped over
the heads of efficient clerks already
in the office. My second principle
was this: That men in the Office
should be promoted, not jumped half
a dozen grades at once, and should
be promoted entirely on merit. Those
two 'dictums,' so to speak, are the
basis of this new system of promo
tiOns.
~ meet my chiefs of divisions, as
sistant chiefs, chief clerk and. depu-
ty commissioners every week. We
have a little congress here with
evolved little by little by that con-
gress. l explained my purpose as to
promotions. l told them all that
merit, tried and proved, was to be
the only consideration. Then, when
the first vacancy arose, l appointed
d special comwittee of three chiefs
of division TO serve as a select com
mittee on promotions in that one in
stance.
Those gentlemen acted exactly ac-
cording TO my instructions. They
sent me a list of men from whom
could choose. Every man on that
list was of the highest possible grade.
A good many were democrats. The
democrats feel that when head-lOp-
ping is 10 be done his head will be
the first to go. So he has two incen-
tives to become one of the best
clerks in the office
II made the promotions with this
help from the selection committee Of
division chiefs. Then when l gave
each man his commission l gave him
a letter along this line:
This is to say that you do not
owe your promotion to political in
fluence or to the commissioner or to
your friends. You were promoted
solely on account of merit, and
hope that while you remain in the
bureau you will continue the course
which gave you this promotion
The Washington bee., 1902-10-25

CHe Succeeds Duke of ARGOS as Spanish
Minister at WashiEgton.)
was associated as secretary of the
Spanish commission which met in
Paris to consider the terms of peace
after the Spanish-American war.
Senior Ojeda spent a few days at
Washington recently, calling at the
state department, though in the alb
sence Of the president he could not
present his credentials. He has
joined the secretary Of the legation
at Newport and will remain there IN
til the secretary of state informs him
that the president is ready to re
ceive his visit. The Spanish legation
has leased a home for six years. on
the corner of Eighteenth street and
Massachusetts avenue, so he will be
spared the discomfort of house.
hunting.
Sonora Ojeda has a large acquaint-
ance in Washington, and is described
as a handsome and graceful matron.
\ daughter. who is about 20. and
son, who will be an attache of the
legation, complete the household.
Senorita Oieda is said to be unusually
lovely, and her advent will be warm
ly welcomed. The diplomatic corps
at present contains but one young
woman, Countess Marguerite de Cass-
I'M, who has been undisputed queen.
1t is said that she will find rival
in the daughter of the Spanish min
ister.
The Washington bee., 1902-10-25
Decorated by Fool Friends.

Two couples, who were recently
married in the same house at Mount
Vernon, n. Y, had all sorts of tricks
played on them. Their trunks were
tied with ribbons, and bore cards with
these words: I'VE have just been mar
ried; don't bother us" Pinned to the
backs of the bridegrooms, as they
took seats on the train were cards
stating: ''We four have just been
hitched for life, 1--WE are so shy" ""We
love each other-yes, we do"
The Washington bee., 1902-10-25
SPAIN'S NEW MINISTER.
senior Don Emilio Oteda, who Sue
ceeds the Duke of ArcOs, Is
Very Well Liked.

A diplomat of unusually interest
ing personality is very soon to take
mis- place in the American capital,
Senor Don Emilio Ojeda, the new
minister from Spain.
Senior Ojeda, who succeeds a man
as popular in his way as Mr.. WI,
namely, the duke of ARGOS, begins
his American mission under the most
favorable auspices. He has already
secured the friendship of such rep
resentative men as Senator Frye, of
Maine, and the former secretary of
state, William r. Day, with whom he
The Washington bee., 1902-10-25
WILL LEAVE CHICAGO.
pit Orator, Accepts a Call
from Worcester, Mass

DR.. Frank Crane. who viii resign
the pastorate of the Peoples church,
Of Chicago, to accept a unanimous
call from the Union Congregational
church, of Worcester, Mass, was
chosen as the most acceptable occu-
pant of the eastern pulpit after a
search that extended over two years.
DR.. Crane is a native of Illinois, hav-
ing been born in Urbana in 1861, and
The Washington bee., 1902-10-25
Only goUu s,.-..4..eia are
725 SEVENTH STREET n. W.
(Nert TO Johnson s Grocery

Only gOOu s...-...-.ela are acceptable
IS recruits in the German army. The
best swimmers in the service are able
to cross a stream several hundred
yards in width even when carrying
their clothing. rife and ammunition.
The Washington bee., 1902-10-25
Family of Heavyweights.

Three remarkable children are pos
sessed by Mr.. and Mrs. Louis Egert.
of Newark, y. j. Harry, aged four
and one-half years, weighs 1e5
pounds; Esther, aged two and half
years, tips the scale at 12O pounds,
and Minnie,y.a "a baby of ten months.
weighs SIS pounds.
The Washington bee., 1902-10-25

Kitty-Only think! Carrie got her
new bathing suit wet through the very
first time she wore it!
Bertha-Mercy, you don't mean to
say that she went into the water?
Ritty-The ideal Of course not. A
drenching shower came on all Of a
sudden.-Boston Transcript.
The Washington bee., 1902-10-25

educated at the Wesleyan university
in Bloomington, where he received his
degrees as a master of arts and doctor
of philosophy. Wesleyan university
in Lincoln, Neb.. afteTward hOnOred
him with the degree of doctor of divin-
ity. His career as a preacher was pre-
ceded by three years of school teach
ing in the bacBNTOOds and his first an
ual salary as a pastor amounted to
S75. From his Worcester cOngrega-
tion he viii receive nearly $4,000 for
the same period.
The Washington bee., 1902-10-25
The sign of the Cross,

In ancient days the addition Of .
cross to the signature did not always
Indicate that the signer could NOT
write, but was added Gs al Ettsaas
don of good fAlsA.
The Washington bee., 1902-10-25
The Labor.

Blobbs--I hear you have q political
Job. Is it hard work?
6lobbs-Not after you get it.-Phn.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06
Hffinity Between Borses.

When the Duke of Wellington
was fighting in Spain, there were
two horses which had always drawn
the same gun, side by side, in
many battles. At last one was
killed, and the other, on having
his food brought as usual. refused
to eat, but turned his head around
to look for his old friend, and
neighed many times as if to call
him. All care was in vain. There
were other horses near him, but
he would not notice them, and he
soon afterward died, not once hav-
ing tasted food since his former
companion was killed. Our Dumb
Animals.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06
!: STORYETTES. !:
..:ssee-- -eeee:ee
KinsIy $,lperstitions.

Kingship has been kin to super
stition always. James I. of Eng
land was superstitious about dates,
and there were remarkable coin
cidences in his life with certain
dates of the calendar. The day of
the month on which he was born
was strangely interviewer with the
days of birth and marriage of his
wife and some Of his children and
their wives. But James was an
old fool who made love to young
Buckingham, who laughed in his
face and robbed him of his Jewels.
Napoleon was superstitious about
the way he put on his stockings.
Frederick the Great and the great
Peter of Russia were superstitious
about dozens of things. Marlbor-
ough, both as Jack Churchill and
the duke, was superstitious as
we'll as a thief and traitor. Near
ly all the Stuarts were supersti-
tious and double dealers in re-
ligion. Henry of Navarro was
superstitious, but that never kept
him from thousand infdelities.
All the children Of Catherine of
Medici were scared to death by
their superstitions, but they could
lie, cheat and murder just as we'll.
If Cromwell was a victim of super
stition, he kept it to himself.--New
York Press.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06
$-$
Steam.

If the cover Of the kettle is lifted.
the boiling water seems to be
covered by a cloud of white steam,
but this cloud did not exist before
the cover was raised. It has been
formed by the sudden cooling Of
the vapor. In a glass boiler which
is either completely sealed or pro-
vided with only narrow outlet fo1
the vapor the space above the
water is perfectly transparent and
apparently empty.-Ex.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06

we can sing. We have no right to act part unless
we can act We have right to indulge in literary
composition unless have the ability to compose.
In all these things may have the best of inten-
tions, and may devote to them the most earnest
effort But unless we can accomplish we should not
attempt"
It is quite evident that the gentlemen do not
use the word "we in it's editorial sense. They should
be careful, however their readers may misunder-
stand them
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06
Resnrreeted.'

She crossed the wild and angry Deep
M0hammed's kids to win,
To infuse some Angl0-SaxOn,
And save their souls from sin.
But Mohammed's children took her.,
They housed her in cave.
And sw0re "By Allah!" she should stays
TIL we the ransom gave.
In consequence the heather poor,
Wear fig leaves, dishabille.
The pennies from the "po0r box" fund
Swellthis nefarious deal.
Notoriety galore you've had,
The ransom is no loan.
As . coelkney Knglishman would say.
You've raised both, HELEN Stone.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06
EXCHANGES.

He was a knocker Of course,
who said he did not believe even a
500 bill could pass the house. st
Paul News.
The sultan has issued an trade
prohibiting gambling in his do
minions, but there is nothing in
the document about the big mitt
bandits. Minneapolis Times.
It is difficult to see how the
election of United States Senators
by popular vote would have i'm.
proved Tillman. He was much
the same when Governor Chi.
cago Inter- Ocean.
The Paris Temps thinks that the
reception accorded to the prince
shows that Americans are snobs,
The Temps had better think again
and more intelligently. Worcester
Spy.
The Southern Pacific can evil
IDENTIFY still pay for "all the traffic
will bear Mrs. G. P. Huntington
paid $31, 800 duty on duds yester-
day.-St. Paul Dispatch.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06

ANOTHER step toward the pacifcation of the
Philippines has been accomplished Lukban, the
Tagal leader Of the nsurgent troops in the island of
Samar has been captured and is being held as a
prisoner by the American forces. It now remains
to be seen whether the Samar Instruction was q
zone man. rebellion-as Stephen Bonsal says it was
in a recent number of Golfers weekly-or whether
it is deeply rooted in native antipathy to the
American At any rate, most dangerous man
has been captured Lukban has brains and knows
how to employ them to his advantage, and il
may be that means will be found to persuade him to
bestir himself in favor of the Americans.
No one, not even the most ardent anti-expan-
sionist credits him with being patriot; and man
of his ability and nmbleness could be brought
to see the of his former ways and alleged be-
liefs-provided of course, the proper arguments
were used comparatively small number of proc
lamations from Lukban's versatile pen inflamed
Samar and enlisted it in the cause of Aguinaldo
since then the insurgents have undergone suffering
and one cannot doubt but that the captured leader
can persuade them to lay down their arms. And
he probably will do So for such is the nature of the
heroic "little brown man.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06
N 0 7 c E.

ALL PERSONS receiving copies of THE MIRROR who are
regular will please consider such as
If, after reading conclude that THE
MIRROR worthy of patronage send name to this
subscription published above
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06
HELIOGRA s.
BY THE .TRIPLETs.,

Senator Tillman is right about
South Carolina being great his
tory making state. But think of
the kind of history.
A doctor of San Francisco claims
that an exclusive bread diet is
essential to longevity as we'll as
good health. Those of us who
have registered at the Hotel de
Solitary and gave the exclusive
diet theory practical test will
not agree with the doctor.
Bald Bill claims to have in his
possession the same hammer that
Noah cracked his chestnuts with
Lubricator Bill has no hair on
his head, but there are sagebrush
whiskers on his jokes.
A man whom nature has pro-
vided with an unlimited supply of
gall is better equipped to fight the
battles Of this world than the man
armed with a college education.
When Prince Henry goes up,
Broadway and reads all the jew
ish signs he will think he certain
ly has reached the promised land
The German steel-pen makers
find it difficult to compete with
Americans. Their nibs are not in
it with ours.
So far William Allen White has
not retracted his charge that Sen
ator Plat used to wear side whisk-
ers and play the melodeon. So
we suppose the libel suit will have
to 60 on.
Think of it! China proposes to
pay 5000 year to an American
adviser, and advice is the cheapest
thing in this country.
When Miss Stone arrives in this.
country she will make Carrie Ma
ton look like wooden Indian and
Mrs. Taylor of whirlpool fame will
become so small that she can
crawl through the bunghole of a
! barrel.
While gold digging in Demerara
negro unearthed a nugget
weighing 81 ounces. Some of
the European powers will soon
discover that the negroes of Dem
erara are heather and greatly in
need of a practical lesson in adj
vanced civilization.
A snob is a man who pretends to-
be something which he is not
Tillman and McLaurin are snobs;-
both pose as fighters and neither
one of them knows the first rudi--
ments about the manly art of self
defense.
True friends are as scarce as the
proverbial hens teeth, but false
ones, like bad dollars, are very.
numerous.
In order to become popular with
the people, candidate for Office
in ancient Rome always volun
teered to fight some wild beast.
That would be model plan to
adopt in this country. A man
who seeks aldermanic honors-
should be made to enter the arena
with grizzly bear. But then the
bear might refuse to fight on the
ground that an alderman was not.
in his class.
/ Restricted.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06

MARCoNI's most recent feat of wireless teleg-
raphy makes transoceanic communication by that
method an assured thing. It is certainly past
the experimental stage and the cable companies may
we'll tremble for their laurels. Dispatches re-
ceived on board the steamship Philadelphia last
week when she was 1860 miles from the telegraph
station at Poldhu Cornwall, from which they were
sent. This does not mean that the instruments on
board the Philadelphia registered isolated signs and
letters sat that distance but that coherent
were received and noted down by the experimentors
At the time of Marconi's Newfoundland expert
ments many intelligent persons expressed doubts as
to his alleged achievements saying that the
received were so fragmentary and incoherent as
to be unsatisfactory tests; in other words, that
electric currents in the atmosphere might have af
fected the delicate receiving instruments and pro
duced the results at any rate results quite
as convincing. No intelligent person have any
more doubts ON the subject. Transoceanic wireless
telegraphy is about to arrive beyond peradventure
perhaps, however, not quite SO soon as its young
discoverer claims. He declares that he will be in
competition with the cable companies within three
months.
The United States is about to construct
Pacific cable-or was about to do so until Marconi
appeared on the scene. Now the government vii
probably delay matters for time and finally adop,
the wireless method.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06

AS general proposition the saying, "knock and
the world knocks with you, boost and you boost
alone" is regarded as an eternal verify by that
species of biped known the newspaper paragraph
er. Ralph w. Wheelock, ofthe Minneapolis "Tri-
Wheelock goes out with his hammer after any
body; if he doesn't like man he simply lets him
Encompasses him up, as it were-but when he finds
anything worthy of commentator he doesn't hesitate
to commend it. Mr. Wheelock doesn't gush nor
"slop over" in his writing, and one always find
something worth while remembering in his columns.
What he says is to the point, CHEEKY and dignifed
Under ordinary circumstances we would charge Mr..
Wheeock three dollars line for this notice. but as
it is quite unsolicited we doubt if he would see it
that way, and SO refrain from billing him.
OVER in Wisconsin, at the Sign Of the Old
Chestnut Tree, is published cute little pamphlet
magazine called-save the mark!-the philosopher.
It is entered at the post Office second class. The
pair of Spinozas who responsible for the maya
zine are pipe smokers; between them several pages
of recent number were filled with the delights OF
the pastime, and many things said on the SUBJ
ject that quite escaped the mind of Mr.. Barrie
What the pipe is charged with when these Platos
sit down to discuss it, is something the readers OF
the PHILOSOPHER may form their own conclusions
about. This, however, is depression. What The
MIRROR wishes to do is to call the attention of ite
Subscribers to the following philosophc reflections
on criticism which emanated from the Sign of the
Hollow Chestnut Tree in the state of Wisconsin,
"We have no right to paint picture unless we
can paint. We have no right to sing song unless
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06

THERE is nothing American in the reception
which is being accorded Prince Henry wherever he
stops his tour Of this country It does not show
monarchical tendency in the least The prince
has shown himself good fellow, as we'll gentle
man, whenever he had the opportunity and the
American people always glad to welcome good
fellows and take them around and show them things
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06

The Clan ma Gael held meeting in New: York
the other evening at which Senator Tillman was the
principal speaker The press report of the gathering
says that resolutions adopted condemning
England's policy, deprecating entanging alliances
by the United States with European nations; SYM
pathizing with the Beers; protesting against the
United States government allowing England to use
the United States ports for the fitting out of vessels
in which to ship horses and mules and pledgng the
people of Ireland hearty support in their struggle
for freedom.
They must have had pretty active time while
it lasted.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1902-03-06

STATE home for confederate veterans is to be
established near Montgomery in Alabama, and when
it is completed it will shelter number of old soldiers
who are now in the Montgomery county poorhouse.
The idea is good one. Every southern state ought
to have such institution,-many of them have
already-for while the confederate soldiers were
rebels in the eyes of the government, they were
fighting for what they believed to be the right they
always Americans, and old soldier should
want for the necessities of life in this country.