Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1902-10-21
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NAN 0>NA LII ~~%Nt --~--~
for The first time in her life to-day. and
she didn't giggle once"
Tough; "oh Henry, dop't cut your
pie with a knife ELIZA. You ought
TO be thankful don't call for a can
opener."-Chicago Record.
What's your idea Of heaven?
Griggs-Well, it's the way man feels
the first three days after he is home
from n summer vacation.--Life.
his Object: ClSlnlan-I see you raise
your own vegetables. Suburbanite-
No. ] simply plant a small garden so
as to keep the chickens at home.-Life.
Reporter-You are so confident OF
catching this criminal you must have
strong clew. Detecsive-We have. He
didn't wear Panama.-New York
Sun.
The singer has made great strides
in the profession. hasn't she?' "Yes.
indeed. Formerly, when she received
an encore, she sang; now she usually
smiles,p
A Clever Lawyer: as he good law
yer?' "A good lawyer! Why, say, |
have known him to prove the truth OF
what isn't so, and not half try."-Chi-
cago Post
Making love: GAS mere matter OF
curiosity, sir | should like to know
how long you have been making love
to my wife," II began. sir, when you
left OF, life.
Mother-Did the professor proposel
Daughter-Dear rae, mother, he was
on the very verge Of it, and foolishly
happened to mention bacteria.-De-
troit Free Press.
Papa, what Is the difference De
tween the smart set and the four hun
dredi' why. my son, the four hun
dred is limited to twenty-six hundred.
but everybody is In the smart set
Life.
Our Two Great Glasses: The world
seems to be divided into two classes;
those who board and envy those who
keep house, and those who keep house.
and envy the bcarders. -Atchison
Globe.
And you still insist that your flying
machine is practical commercial
quantlty?' 81 do" answered the bust
ness-like inventor; III you don't believe
1t can show you the gate receipts" -
Washington Star.
Magistrate-Now, I'll let you off this
time, but 1t must be lesson for you
not to be in bad company again. Pris-
oner-Gee whizz!iit amt my fault that
I'm here; the COPS made me come
Philadelphia Record
Lawyer Brief--I see that case OF
yours is on. Jury drawn yet? Lawyer
Skinner-Yes, and It's splendid one.
Lawker Brief-Above the average in
intelligence, eh? Lawyer Skinner-No;
way below it.-Philadelphla Press.
At Two Dollars Visit: Yes. the
doctor has put me ON the strIctest kind
of diet" Indeed. What is it,"
eve ell, he says / inustn't eat anything
/ don't like, and not any more than /
want Of what do, 7-Baltimore News.
what are you dalngT asked the jus
tice as the defendants counsel began
his argument Going to present our
side OF the case" 81 don't want to
hear both sides" replied the justice.
TT has a tindincy TO confuse the coort."
Driyer-Did you mark the spot
where your comrade Cell out of the
boat snd was droYned7 o'Lafferty-
Shure, OF did OF Eook piece av wood
an left it fioatin 5n tn wather at tn
very place he went down, sor.-ohio
State Journal.
The Real Thing: Are you real ln-s
dian?" asked the investigating youth
of one Of the painted Indians who ac-
companied Buffalo Bills Wild West
Show. "Surew replied the Indian; Il
was born an raised in indianapolis,
Indiana. ''--Exchange
Mrs. wederly (unmaskIng after the
fancy balD-oh. but didn't fool you.
though? You had no idea that you
were flirting with your wife all the
evening. Mr.. wederly--No. hadn't;
YOU were so very agreeable ] was COM
pletely deceived.-Tit-Bits.
The danger of n little knowledge;
Don't you sometimes regret that yoa
did not devote more time to your e'iu-
cation in early lifeT' mo. sir" an
swered the politician; "if had learned
to talk grammatical the yc'ers ia my
district would think ! was putin on
airs and driftin' away from she hearts
Of the people. Washington Star.
why did you iasIst on getting me
an upper berth I'M the sleeping carr"
asked the habltu1lly austess lady.
"Weu.n answered. her irrepressble
niece. '.you have been expecting for so
many years to find somebody under
vour bed that l thought It might re-
lieye your mind to have all doubts on
the subject removed at once. Wash
ington Star.
Yes said the young wife, Henry
and / had some words this morning.
and / cart deny that he got the best
OF It." "That will never do" returned
the experienced neighbor. You can't
afford to start in married life that
way." 'I know t." answered the
Young wife. I'VE thought Il all over.
and when he comes home tonight I'm
going to bring him TO terms SO quick
that he'll hardly know what's happen
ed" That's right, my dear Show
some spirit. What arc you going TO
dor I'm going to bring up the sub
ject again and then cry"
The Modern Child.
The modern child is the most dis
couraglig thing / know about. Just
the other day undertook TO entertain