davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
PARROT WAS AN APT PUPIL
Maiden Lady,. Pet Hal, ! Lam,entabie

Maiden Lady's Pet Has. a Lamentabie
>2:s, Fall from Grace. ST. Z
. A most estimable maiden lady liv-
ing Colchester has parrot, which, By
dtnt of great effort, she has taught to
>recite verse after verse of scriptural
texts. The parrot became a sort of
animated Bible, until he fell into evil
ways, and there<is now much mourn
ing on the part of the maiden lady,
who has decided that the, precept,
EVIL communications corrupt good
manners" is true one. =
She has niece who is very lively
young woman, and who also has
parrot. The young woman lives with
lot of wicked brothers. A few weeks
ago she came on from New York to
pay her aunt visit. She brought he1
parrot along, too. The birds on first
acquaintance solemnly winked and
blinked at one another and both were
silent for time but later were heard
chattering together in friendly fash.
ion.
1t was a few days later that the
maiden lady had a terrible shock,
says the Boston Herald. She was
reused from her slumber by her good
Sunday school parrot talking, but
alas! instead of texts from the Bible.
slang of the most modern description,
intermingled with few violent swear
words, issued from the good old birds
beak. The New York parrot had
taught its quiet Dorchester friend all
of. this new language, and now all BIZ
BILE texts are forgotten, and the maid
en- lady, in mingled sadness and an
ger, is looking for new home for her
corrupted Polly.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
A Kaiser Anecdote.

The kaiser is fond of children; and
likes them to answer frankly the ques.
tons he asks them. While visiting the
Syrian orphanage at Jerusalem-one
of the institutions that owes it's ex.
fstence to the German Protestant Mis-.
sion-the emperor examined the little
native scholars in geography. He
asked one boy what those African
states we're called that were not under
the sway of native rulers. German
colonies" was the prompt reply, which
elected from William II. the following
laughing observation: IF I were ? to
carry out this boys dangerous policy
of annexation it would plunge me at
once into a war with England and
France" -. ~ #@t> 49,
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09

his millions. He was born in Ash
burnham, Mass, but went with his
parents to California at the age of
three years, returning when eighteen
years old to enter Harvard. He gradu-
ated four years later and commenced
the study Of law, being. admitted to
the Worcester c0fNtv bar
In 1885 he married Alice H. Haskell
of Roxbury, near Boston, a very pref
ty girl, of humble parentage, like Mr..
Burrage himself, and she made
pleasant home for him on his meager
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
GLASGOW QId-Eoaxiah.

"Glasgow1is quite free from corrup-
ton, but there is considerable bosh
about the ideal municipal government
OF the city, said a Glasgow man now
touring this county to an interviewer
the other Gay. The public improve
ments are far behind those of many.
cities in the United States. The cleo
trio lights are queer, old-fashioned
things, and the city permitted the.
construction of overhead wires for the.
street railways. Commissions were
sent to various cities to look into cleo
tric light systems and electric fail.
ways system. III can't imagine where
they went, for they brought hack 4 lot
of very old.fashfoned ideas. :.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09

Brookllne gas company merely out of
curiosity, and learned, to his surprise,
that the company had, by legislative
enactment, the right to extend it's
pipes into Boston at will.
Mr.. Burrage saw his opportunity.
Hoping for much, but never dream
ing of all that was to come of that
little notice, he made himself known
to Mr.. Rogers and revealed his discov-
cry, together with the statement that
an option for the purchase of the
Brookline gas company could be OBJ
tanned.
Mr.. Rogers was delighted. It gave
him a weapon against Mr.. Addicks,
and the Brookline gas company pass
ed into the hands of the Standard Oil
company.
To make matters clear it must be
explained that Mr.. Addicks had for
years been enjoying a virtual mon.
opoly Of all the gas business in Boston.
The people were protesting against
the high prices charged. =
The contract for lighting the streets
OF Boston was about to expire and the
mayor. invited Mr.. Addicks to meet
him and consider a proposition for a
reduction Of rates. Mr.. Addicks did
not see the mayor.
This little incident and the reor-
gan1zation of the Brookline Gas COM
pany were almost coincident. Mayor
Mathews realized that the greatest
Zoe to monopoly was competition. and
when the Brookline Gas company
came forward and offered to light the
city for far less than the Addicks
company its offer was gladly accepted.
e Mr.. Addicks was thus pushed to the
wall and gladly came to terms in the
end. AS counsel for the Brookline
Gas company and, the Standard Oil
company, Mr.. Burrage was given the
enormous fee Of 100000, said. to be
the largest ever known in legal his
tory anywhere in the world. d g.
E This was the beginning Of his Alad.
q q wealth. The Standard Oil
people appreciated the worth Of 50
bra1ny q man to such an extent that
they not only invited him to embark:
with them IN some of their copper
deals, but when the Amalgamated
Copper company was formed. HE was
appointed to represent New England
In the directorate, q position which he.
holds to-day. 81. 5.
3, 8 And d. that is how Mr.. Burrage made
4 =. t-esGoI-
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09

H1ow-browed, 7heavyctawed j. run1an, in
ones room in sufficiently. frightful to
curdle almost any mans blood into q
dish OF living blutwurst or crimson
schmierkase, goodness knows. T..
Z But to merge from sweet sleep and
fix the startled gaze upon an intrud:
ing shape which all the DISCUSSES in
the world cannot prevent from be.
traying its femininity-oh, brothers,
who among US shall undergo this ex.
perience and not feel his reason tot
terinE from the shock?
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
Two Ways to Teach Parrots.


There are two ways" said a bird
dealer, ''of teaching a parrot to talk.
One way is to put him in a darkened
room, TO- sit in a corner and to re-
peat over and over again the word
you want him to acquire. !; A clever
parrot will learn a word or a phrase
after some four hundred or five hun
dred repetitions; while for some it
takes q week on more. You must
keep still in: the room. No sounds
from within or. without the house,
save your voice monotonously repeat
ing the phrase to be acquired, must
reach the: parrots ear. Some people
teach their birds in "a welllighted
room, speaking from a placesof con
cealnHent in: a closet or behind a door.
This method is not so good, because,
in the light the parrots attention is
distracted" - vi s u = 7s.-
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
Scattered.

What has become of that company
of strolling players that used to pre-
/sent an imitation of Mount Vesuvius
in eruption?"
Last performance 1 heard of their
giving was at some little town in
Montana"
You don't know where they went
from there?"
No; nobody knows. They were
never seen anywhere in the neigh
borhocd after their volcano went off.
Somebody had furnished them real
dynamite for the eruption
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
Pleasant Country Neiqhbors.

Mrs. Waldo (of Boston)-I have a
letter from your Uncle James, Pene.
lope, who wants us to spend the sum-
mer on his farm.
Penelope (dubiously)-Is there any
society in the neighborhood?
Mrs. Waldo-I've heard him-speak
of the Holsteins and Guernseys. I
presume they are pleasant people.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
He'll Smile Tomorrow.

New Yorker Ito visiting English.
man)-So the man who advertised to
tell you for a dollar the best way to
make the least money go the farthest
has answered your letter, eh? What
does he say?
The Englishman (mystifed)-He
says. Buy penny postal card and
write on it to some one in the Philip,
pines" Now, how should the-aw-
blooming people in the Philippines
know any more about such financial
matters than anybody else?-Judge.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09

Miss May Willard, professional bur-
glar and male impersonator, has ma
rterialized a terror of appalling por-
tent to the masculine soul. For gen
erations we have laughed at women
because of their timorous bedtime
habit of looking under their couches
for possible man. 1t is safe to say
that hereafter most. Louis man will
be able to retire TRANQUILITY without
nrst having satisfied himself that
there is no woman under his bed.
Even then, alas, his sleep will be
ftful and feverish because of the fear
I that ere daylight the woman who
failed to hide herself under his bed
will come to him through the win
dow!
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
No Mystery.

by the way" remarked the man
from the east, 1T seems to me that l
have heard that my old neighbor, Jake
Billfus, who came out here some years
ago. disappeared completely and mys-
teriously not LONG after his ARRIVAL
He disappeared completely 'nough,"
replied Rattlesnake Bill, "but not
mysteriously, stranger. He wuz ridin'
on a dynamite wagon when the hind
axle BROKE"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
Another Statesman's Rise.

why in the world did you ever
send tnat fellow to congress, any
way?"
We'll, you see, we got together and
talked him over, and seein there
w'n't nothin' any further away than
Congress- that we could send him to,
we lowed the best thing we could do
was to send him there
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
Another Rash Break.

Il think the seventeen-year locust
is an interesting study" observes the
lady of uncertain age.
1T must be-" we answer thought
lessly, respectfully to one who has
traced them down from generation
to generation"
But of course it was her own fault
that she took it personally.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
The Boston Bow.


"Lool1in' fer a birds nest, sonny?"
asked the good-natured Westerner Of
a seven-year-old boy whom he met in
Boston Common.
mo, SIR" replied the intellectual
prodigy, as he continued to gaze up
into the tree, II am merely endeavor-
ing to correctly classify this tree as
a botanical product"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
- -.T \ A.sz- = - -. ~ y q !7TI9t1E
The Title 6f srJoetor ),

II The title Of doctor, was invented
in the twelfth century and conferred
for the first time. upon Inerius, of the
University OF Bologna. The first doc.
tor Of medicine was Gulielmo Gorde.
MIC, who received the honor from tha
College OF Aosti, also In Italy, il 1920.
80 Metaphysical Magazine
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
A Friends Advice,

Jack-I have a chance to marry a
poor girl whom 1 love, or a rich wo-
man whom I do not love. What would
you advise?
George-Love is the salt of life, my
friend. Without it all else is naught.
Love, pure love, makes poverty
wealth, pain Joy, earth heaven.
Jack-Enough, will marry the
poor girl, whom love.
George-Bravely spoken! By the
way, would you-er-mind introduce
ing me to the rich woman whom you
do not love?-New York Weekly.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
Her Tribulations.

"Alas!" sighed the poor woman,
who had just closed the door on the
deputation of charitable folk who
had called to show her how to make
a. cooling, cheering dessert from the
remains of a seven-course dinner
"alas! the rich we have always with
u.s."
Repining because there seemed to
be no place to live where the COM
mittees could not hunt her up, she
called her little boy in and sent him
over to Mullaney's for another can OF
foam.-Baltimore American.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
Bidding Against Himself.

Auctioneer-But say there is 70.
body else in the room offering to bid
for the ancient cabinet. How is it
that you keep on bidding against your.
self?
Broker-Well, you see, that is a
matter of business. I have got a
commission from two different parties
to buy the cabinet at any cost, and I
don't know yet which of them is to
have it."
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
AbundantIy OCCUPIED.

Abundantly Occupied.
what does the society which you
have just joined find to do?" asked
Mrs. Bizzie's husband.
"A great DEAL" was the answer.
AFTER We get an organization estab-
lished the question of other peoples
eligibility to membership gives us all
the work we can possibly attend to-"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
Rural Innocence.

Rural Innocence.
whats your son, Joe4, dom down
to the city,"
Il reckon he's learning how to make
buckets
do tell"
"Yas! Deacon Skidd's son Just
come BACK from thar an he SAYS Joel
is spendin' all his time in a bucket
shop"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
Would Be Safer.

"ouio BE safer.
Bacon-What's his business?
Egbert-Why, he's a drummer fo1
automobiles.
"Oh, they have drummers for those
things, do they? Well, it's a good
idea, but I think it would be much
safer if they had a drummer and a
fifer go in front of each of the ma.
Chimes"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
She Wanted More.

= mabel, love- said Young Mr.. Ten
spot, by way of proposal .slet me- be
your bread-winner for life.'' u . !, r.: g
But the girl, with her eye on the
beef trust, answered l.s3 sSs 10. g.
i j" = want some one who can win me
some beefsteak Ky s 58;S
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
As to Ears.

'You should get your ears Topped,
o'Brien." said a smart tourist to an
Irish peasant whom he was duizzing;
they're too large for man.. +
"Ah, bedad," replied the Hibernian,
II was just thinkin' yours would want
to be made larger; sure, they're too
small for an ass <% gss,5> { {. -. :
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
Not So Tactless as That,

She-Mrs. Boreton called to-day
and I thought she would never go. !.
He-But you are SO tamiable, sup
pose you never gave helsthe slight
est hint that you wanted her to go. :.
She-1ndeed, I did not. II had,
she'd be here now.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09

Not Very Smart
There's no use trying to make me
believe that Francis Bacon was a very
smart man." said Senator Sorghum.
''Have you read any of his works."
mo. But his biography shows that
when there was little financial deal
on hand he wasn't clever enough to
keep from getting caught"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
THE HUN'0R. I. OF FL. LIFE f:

Her, Lucky Daughter.
Mrs. Wiggles-Lan' sakes! what ye
fixin' up so fer? -
Mrs. TBackwoods-W'y, hain't We
heerd thet Hattie married one O.
them French fellers with ferrin
title an 8 comm home next week?
Mrs. Wiggles-Do tell! Did she
marry one o. them counts?
Mrs. Backwoods-Mercy me-!
guess he's bigger'n count. She
says in her letters that he's a chat.
feur.-Judge.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09
A. WOMAN UNDER THE BED;
Awful Possibilities Which the New
.~}5 Century Has BROUGHT Forth, "a =,

Century Has Brought Forth. <
Beyond all possibility of q reassur-
ing doubt to the contrary, the terrify-
ing story developed by the arrest Of
May Willard, a st. Louis young WON
an, who cOnfesses that she has been
IN the habit Of burglarizing houses,
Disgusting herself in mans attire, will
strike = panic to all masculine souls,
says the st. Louis Republic.
Waking In the dead Of night to espy
the {. binary houseb breaker. % burly.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09

She-He has bright future before
him.
He-I doubt if he ever catches up to
it.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1902-08-09

Mrs. O'Flynn-Im sorry to see your
old man coming home in such a con-
dition every day.
Mrs. O'Toole-Well, it makes no
difference now. Ye see he's workin'
In brewery, and gifts his booze fer
nOthin'.
Tit for Tat.
He-That's just like woman. She
can't view any question impartiallv
All on one side, just as she is on
horseback. -. 49, -. =
She-Yes, John; and haven't Won
been on every public question the
same way you ride horseback? 4 s.
" Heredity. i. "a, Z s,...'s. ..~
H. DO you believe in heredity?' ) II
Certainly; I know q barber who
has three little shayers."a u. X. ..5 f..
The Savannah morning news., 1902-08-24
QUIET THROUGH THE MORNING.
Tars on Ships Found Time to Watch
Names Trial.


Rockport, Mass. Aug. 23-In the
clear sunlight the three big battle:
ships which comprise the heavy fight
ing force of Admiral Higginson's
squadron. defending the coast from
the attack of a hostile feet, were
sharply outlined to-day against the
blue background of sea and sky. They
were in the same position as on yes
terday, riding at anchor with short
cables. on the alert for danger signals
or sailing orders, but none had come
early this forenoon. Conditions again
favored the defenders after a quiet
night. Early to-day the usual re-
ports We're received from signal sta
tons and as on previous days they
We're that all was we'll and no enemy
in sight.
During the afternoon the trial of
the Maine engaged the attention of
both sailors and the landsmen on the
battleship. The enemy was not for
gotten by any means, and the eyes OF
both officers and men were kept on
the horizon as the Maine went by on
it speed trial. The cruisers Brooklyn
and Olympia for a time kept broad
side TO the new Maine as she swept
along.
About this time one of the torpedo
boats under the lee of the Kearsarge
received orders to be transmitted to
the Brooklyn. On receipt of these or
ders both cruisers went in northerly
direction. 1t appears that the Brook
Ign and the Olympia had not depart
ed on any ordinary mission A dis
patch had reached Admiral Higginson
that orc of The enemy's ships had been
sighted off Rockland, Me. and it was
to that point that the cruisers set sail
The Savannah morning news., 1902-08-24

lem chamber the bishops debated the
mai alterations made in the Book OF
common Prayer in 1862; and afterWard
some of the most exciting scenes con-
nected with the history of Convoca-
ton in the reigns of William III and
Anne occuEsSd in the chamber itself, or
IN that part of the abbey where the
lower house had been convened. The
fortunes of the abbey have followed
those of the nation. The Westminster
assembly was held in the Jerusalem
chamber, and when, during the civil
wars and Commonwealth, Episcopalian
worship was interrupted, Presbyt .ri ms
and Independents occupied the pulpit;
while with the restoration of Charles
IL. worship resumed it's former char
acter.
While DR.. Stanley was dean (1s6S-
81, proceedings occurred in the abbey
of national interest. Sermons on Sun
day evenings have been pi cached here
to vast audiences, and FOR a number of
years-on the evening of st. Andrews
day, Nov. 80, set apart for intercesslon
on behalf of Missions layman p.o-
fessor Max Muller, Presbyterian
clergyman, DR.. John Card, and a Con-
gressional missionary, DR.. Robert Mof-
fat, delivered lectures from the lee
tern in the center of the nave; also,
celebrations by Roman Catholics have
been held within its walls since 1890.
The Abbey's Monuments
The tombs and monuments in the
abbey are exceedingly numerous, and
the life stories of those who are buried
under the pavement or commemorated
on the walls would almost form a ma
tional biography. Some of the princi-
pal are grouped together according to
the grounds on which history builds
their fame. Sovereigns and members
of royal families have graves and
tombs in the chapels of Edward the
Confessor and Henry VII. Edward
himself lies under the shrine which
bears his name, and which is curious
as a work of art, belonging to the age
OF Henry III, who is buried on the
north side. And next to him lies Ed
ward l.
On the south side lie Edward III. and
Richard IL, and to the east Henry "
in the beautiful chantry named after
him. In the center of Henry WIS
chapel the founder and his wife repose
side by side; at the west end is the
sepulchre of Edward vi. In the north
aisle are Queen Elizabeth and her sis
ter Mary; in the opposite aisle is Mary
Queen of Scots. Close TO the tomb OF
Henry VII we meet with the grave of
King James; Charles II is buried at
the east end of the north aisle. His
grave IS unmarked so is that cf Will
liam III. Queen Anne was laid next
her sister Mary in the southern aisle.
George II was the last of the Kings in
TERED in the abbey. The interment was
in Henry's chapel
The north transept is DISTINGUISHED
as the resting place of eminent states
men-Pitt, Fox, Wilberforce. Canning
Peel. Palmerston. In the south transept
is Poets Corner" Here lie Chaucer
Spenser, Beaumont, Tennyson; also
hard by are monuments to Shakes
peare, Milton, Isaac Watts, Goldsmith
and Johnson. Numbers of generals. adj
mirals. courtiers, divines, men of let
tiers, ETC., are covered by the marble
pavement or have memorials bv the
pillars or on the walls. Two slabs on
the central floor of the nave mark the
last home of George Stephenson and
David Livingstone.
The Savannah morning news., 1902-08-24
FIGHTING FOR THEIR CHILD.
douglas Parents Accuse Each other
OF Serious Onenses williams
Jealousy Causes Fights.

II
Douglas, Ga, Aug 23.-The habeas
corpus proceedings of Mrs. Luvicey
Williams, against her husband, Iham
Williams, for the recovery of her two
Young yesterday evening The Judge
reserved his decision until 10 o'clock
Monday.
To prove that his wife was not a
proper person to raise the child VIII
Hams had sixteen witnesses subpoe-
her good character. Charges and coun-
tercha1ges of the vilest nature were
made.
Williams accused his wife of all sorts
of indiscretions, but was unable to GUS
tain them by proof, except that fur
nished by the testimony of one wit
ness.
She proved her character from child
hood. Williams, under oath, charged a
prominent dentist and an equally
prominent young attorney with undue
intimacy with Mrs. Williams. The
high standing of these men bar all
belief in their guilt by the general
public. As result Williams was ar
rested under a charge of perjury.
About six weeks ago Williams. who
IS a powerful man, jumped on and bad
ly beat young attorney from Atlanta.
This morning he jumped on another
young attorney. and beat him up from
same cause-jealousy of his wife. Will
liams has been arrested four times
within three days for his belligerency.
He is a hard working, hustling liv-
cry man, but undoubtedly is unbal-
anced over his marital troubles, as he
openly accuses good citizens of undue
intimacy with his wife. whom he car
ried to her fathers roof several weeks
ago.
Unless he ceases his wholesale accu-
sations, serious trouble is anticipated
at almost any moment.