The Savannah morning news., 1902-10-05
MR.. DOOLEY ON
NEWSPAPER PUBLICITY.
BY F. P. dunno.
COpyriGht 1902, Howard Russell

WAS We liver in tn pa-apers?" asked
Mr.. Dooley.
'Wanst," said Mr.. Hennessy. But
it wasn't me. 1t was another Hinnis-
sy. Was your"
Nanny times" said Mr.. Dooley.
"Whin l was prominent socyally, We
cud hardly pick up a pa-aper without
SEEM me name in II an tn amount iv
tn fine. Ye must lade a very simple
life. TIL newspaper is watchin' most
iv us firm tn cradle to tn grave, an
befure an afther. Whin I was a Ia-ad
thrippin' continued over tn boys iv
Roscommon, ne'er an iditor knew iv me
existence, nor 1 iv his. Whin amy
thing was wrote about a man twas put
this way: We understand on good
authority that M-l-chi H-y, Es-
quire, is on thrile before Judge G-n
on an accusation Nv l-c-ny. But we
don't think it's true Nowadays TIL
larceny is discovered by a newspa- aper
TIL lead pipe is dug up in yeer back
yard be a rayporther who knew 1t was
there because he helped We bury it, A
man knocks at yeer dure arly wan
tllRnIN.
In tn name iv tn law, l artist ye
says tn man seizin' We be tn throat.
Who ARE YEP We cry. I'm a ray
porther fr tn Daily Slooth, says he
Photographer, do yeer jooty! Ye're
hauled off in tn circulation wagon to
tn newspaper office, where a con-fis-
sion is ready FIR We to sign: ye're thried
by jury Nv tn staff. sintinced be TIL
iditor-in- chief an at tin o'clock Friday
h CO. 81 L. 4
thrapper iv tn family journal.
"Th' newspaper does ivrything FIR us.
1t runs tn polls foorce an tn banks,
commands tn milishy, controls tn
hgislachure, baptizes tn young, mar
ries tn foolish, comforts tn afflicted,
afflicts tn comfortable, buries tn dead
an roasts thin aftherward They amt
anything it don't turn its hand to
firm explainin' tn docthrine iv thrans-
substantiation to comDosn' saleratus
biskit. Ye can get amy kind iv in
newspaper about ye'ersilf or annywan
else. What tn Car whispered to tn
Imp'ror Willum whin they were alone,
how to make a silk hat out iv wire
matthFass, how to settle tn coal sthrike,
who to marry, how to get OH with ye'er
wife whin ye'er married, what to feed
tn babies. what doctor to call whin
We We leu lnlIn dS ulTeCIeQ,-dll Nv lndI
yen find in tn pa-apers.
They used to say mans life was
a closed book. So 1t is but it's an open
newspaper. Tn eye iv tn press is on
We befure we begin to take notice. TIL
iditor observes tn storlS hoverin' over
tn roof Nv 291S12B Ar-rchey Road an
tn article he writes about it has a
wink in it, Son an heir arrives FIR
tn Hon'rable Malachi Hinnissy, says
tn pa-aper befure we've finished TIL
dhrink with tn doctor. An afther that
tn histhry iv tn offspring's life is
found in tn press.
lit is undhershtud that there is
much excitement In tn Hinnissy fam
'ly over namin tn lates' llgn. Misther
Hinnissy wishes it called PATRICK Nc
Glue afther an uncle iv his, an Mrs.
Hinnissy is in favor iv namin' it AL
fonsonita afther a Pullman car she seen
wan day. TIL Avenin Fluff offers a
prize iv thirty dollars FIR tn bes' name
FIR this PROGENY. Maiden ladies will
limit their letters to three hundherd
wurruds.'
"'Above is a snap shot " young AL
fonsonita McGlue Hinnissy, taken on
his sicond birthday with his nurse,
Miss Angybel Blim, tn well-known
SPECIAL nurse iv tn Avenin' Fluff. At
tn time tn phottygraft was taken,
tn infant was about to bite Miss Blim
which accounts FIR tn agynized ex-
prission on that gifted writer's face.
TIL Avenin' Fluff offers prize iv four
dollars to tn best answer to tn ques-
ton: What does tn baby think iv
Miss Blim?"'
Young Aft Hinnissy was siven
years OF yisterdah. A rayporther iv
TIL Fluff sought him out an Underworld
to intherview him on tn Nicaragooan
canal, III Rcomanyan Jews. tn tab