The Topeka state journal., 1902-04-02
FROM Wa. WHITE
Writes From Catalina Island Of
Tourists and Things.
An Ideal Rendezvous For a
Pirate Crew. =
A NERVE REPOSITORY.
That is What Mr. White Calls
the Island.
The Real and the False Tourist
Discussed.
| NERVE REPOSITORY.

William Allen White has written the
following interesting article for the Em-
pOria Gazette from the Catalina Islands
where he is recuperating:
These lines are written on an island
in the Pacific ocean-Catalina Island
west of Los Angeles. It is always sum-
mer here-not blistering, frizzling Kan
sas sum mer but a mild diluted Kansas
May with a dash here and there of Oc-
tober. The island is about the sort of a
place you would have chosen 300 years
ago if you were superintendent and
general manager of a pirate crew-and
what Job could be more desirable. We
have been all over the island on foot
and have found it abounding in pirat-
canyons and crags and chasm and in
fact every modern convenience" for a
conscientious, industrious pirate to
make an honest living or at least as
honest as he could make by forming
trust or scuttling a railroad after the
modern fashion. Seeing this fine open
ing here for pirate crew and the held
of piracy so sparcely occupied, one Won
ders why the Industrial department of
the Santa F'e doesn't take some of the
highwaymen out of Wall street where
business is over crowded and the moral
standard low, and establish these pro
moters of watered trusts and trade
strangling combinations, on this fair
green island of Catalina. as pirates.
Surely it is no worse to grip commerce
by the throat "on the mighty ocean"
than on the pleasant land!"
At present and for a dozen years the
island has been the haunt of tourists
and ladies and gentlemen who have
worried away their health. The island
is sort Of nerve repository and
brain fag absorbent There are sew
eraI nice large, handsome, hale and
hearty people here who don't seem 10
have any more the matter with them
than a bronze statue has, who are real
ly in a miserable condition-no nerve
They eat we'll: they sleep we'll; they
read we'll; they seem well. In Emporia
when we see folks like that we say
they are well, with the accent strongly
and sneeringly on the "are" But as a
matter of fact these people are in de-
plorable circumstances; because no
medicine can cure them but absolute
rest. We faggers compare symptoms
on the island except fishing and hunt
ing And when we find one who can
receive letters and papers from home
without flushing red in the face and
growing pale after reading the news,
he is hailed as convalescent. For the
fine, placid state of what may be called
don t-care-a- -damativeness is the first
condition needed for a cure to begin.
After that recovery is certain and
rapid. For rest is possible then, and
rest is the only medicine that can cure
a tired head. It is like a glass arm"
in a ball player-no dope can reach it.
So much for the faggers: Now for the
tourists. Generally speaking tourists
are people who pretend 10 be worth
more money than they are worth. At
home this is impossible; for in Ameri-
can small towns where the mass of the
well-to-do population lives, every one
knows how much his neighbor is worth
and when his note is due at the bank.
And at home when a man spends more
than he should there is talk" So to
lay it on, the tourist goes abroad En-
poria people who dress by the base
burner and eat two meals a day to save
grocery bills become plutOcrats at the
Baltimore in Kansas City. No one ever
lived in a town with a real plutocrat
Yet the Pullman cars are full of them.
Where do they live2 Who are they2
Well here's the truth about a plutocrat:
He is a man away from home who is
wearing his best clothes and cuffs on
week days and clean shirts whether he
needs them or not, who at home rubs
his shoe toes on the calves of his legs
to save a shine and uses matches for
tooth picks to save a dime. There are
no home made plutocrats: that is net
hes. The only home grown plutocrats
are shes. Women in EmpOria and the
world over for that matter are the only
creatures who can wear their Sunday
airs at home and away from home with
the same easy grace The only real
plutOcrat in America is the female plu-
lOCldt- we men are al mere plaster
Of paris casts. So, to return to the tour
lists on Catalina island, the men all seem
to dread detection in their game Of play
ing plutOcracy. The women only seem
to court investigation. They are the
real things and they know it. At the
hotel where we stopped the men who
put on their dress suits for dinner didn't
eat much for fear of spilling gravy on
their shirt fronts. Tt was easy to see
that at home these men ate in their
shirt-sleeves with napkins under their
collars and their full dress regalia was
an armOr that annoyed them. But their
wives and daughters who sat beside the
men. went at the bill of fare like prin-
cesses and threw soup and white sauce
about with easy nonchalance- There
were no gravy didOes on their shining
fronts. All of which is perhaps natural
enough For life long experience with
splashing dish water gives women
confidence in the presence of spoon food
that men cannot hope to initiate with
even passable serenity
Socially the tourists are an interest
ing lot. They are all alike in the tin
cornice effect which they present to
the street. They talk so grandly and
have such a heavy swell way of tossing
FIVE and ten dollar pieces around as
though they grew on bushes, that to
the Kansas man to whom five dollars
represents a good deal of hard work,
these tourists and their high stepping
ways become a tinkling cymbaL Thus
it is that wherever a Kansas man goes
he finds another Kansas man. He is
looking for someone to talk to. The
Kansas man isn't a plutOerat, and he
knows it The Ohio man is the Iowa
man tries to be; the Missourian thinks
he is-and so it goes. But Kansas
hasn't departed far enough from the
fireplace and hog lot to pretend to plu-
tocracy, so, naturally in the chemistry
of society, the Kansas traveller, wner-
ever he wanders, is attracted by the
natural law of social capitalization to.
the Kansas man. and they meet all over
the world. And. gentle reader, who
do you suppose is the Kansas man en-
Catalina island whom you viii take
to your bosom when you come here2
Well it is good old Mike CosgroVe,
barber and ball player, some time Of
Emp0ria Kansas, U. s. A. once Of
L.,-.c.l.., c.l-.. nLl,,,,......l.. III.