Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1902-05-22
JOBSON AS A DOCTOR.

'Do you know what am going to fetch
| home on my way from the Office this even
ing?" inquired Mr. Jobson of Mrs. ,Jobson
at the breakfast table one morning about
ten days ago.
| Mrs. Jobson had no idea, of course. and
said so.
I'm going to fetch home," said Mr.. Job
| son, oracularly, "about two pounds of pow
dered sulphur and jug of blackstrap mo-
lasses of the old-fashioned kind
what for?" inquired Mrs. Jobson.
''What for?" repeated Mr.. Jobson. with
| a surprised expression. Nov, what dye
suppose powdered sulphur and molasses are
generally used for-catnip tea? Mrs. job
son. might l inquire whether you ever had
q home as young girl-a real, sure-enough
home, presided over by a mother who
knew enough to repair to shelter when the
rain began? Is it possible that you never
heard of the combination of sulphur and
molasses for use as blood purifying
spring incidence"
Oh, yes, Mrs Jobson had heard of that.
"You have, Ell ?" said Mr.. Jobson. "Well,
what do you think of it as a spring medi-
cine?"
Mrs. Jobson reluctantly replied that she
but
''There are no butts about it," said Mr..
Jobson, in his most impressive judicial
tone. Sulphur and molasses make the
greatest spring medicine that ever came
we're going to take every morning before
breakfast for monSh or so. Just like ev-
erybody else, we've been sitting around all
-;p4o ;1yo Mo
much, and not taking anything like enough
exercise. The result is that our bloods
all thickened and clogged up. and if we
don't take something to clarity our sys-
TENS we're liable to attacks of illness for
the rest of the year. Sulphur and mo-
lasses is the thing, and when we take it
right along for about month we'll feel
like colts just turned loose in a field of
dandelions."
Mr.. Jobson, having assumed his I-have-
spoke manner, Mrs. Jobson didn't make
any reply for the sake of peace, but it was
obvious that she wasn't looking forward to
the sulphur and molasses scheme with any
great degree of equanimity.
Mr.. Jobson was as good as his word and
home he brought that evening the package
of powdered sulphur and huge jug of
blackstap molasses, for which he had to
search the town. After dinner he mixed
/ the great spring medicine in a large crock,
all the time conversing volubly on the won
ders wrought by the stuff on the human
frame if consistently adhered to.
ut won't do you any good if you only
take it once in AWHILE" he explained.
you've got to stay right with it every
day for a month or so to get any good out
of it. 1t may not taste like pate de foie
gras, but that's only detail. It's reachn',
so to speak, and that's the main thing"
When Mr.. Jobson made his appearance
for breakfast the next morning Mrs Job
son was already presiding over the crock
of sulphur and molasses.
"Have you taken yours YETI" inquired
Mr.. Jobson.
NO." she answered. 'T was waiting for
you to come down, so that we could take
it at the same time. Ugh! 1t looks so
nasty"
Don't try to be quite so girly-girly, Mrs.
Jobson," said Mr.. Jobson, sarcastically.
''Airs like that aren't exactly becoming in
person of your years.
Mrs Jobson produced couple of table
spoons and handed one of them to Mr.
Jobson. But If she expected that he was
going to be the first to go against the
spring medicine she was mistaken. He
stood by in an attitude of expectancy, and
so there was nothing for her to do but to
dip into the crock, delve up a spoonful of
! the gritty mixture and swallow it, She
made an extremely wry face over it, but
said nothing.
Mr. Jobson then dipped into the mess,
bringing up a considerably smaller spoon
full than Mrs Jobson had taken, and downed
it. His countenance looked nightly dis
torted by the time he had swallowed the
stuff, and he spluttered and coughed lot
over it for some time.
"Do you like it as well as you did when
you were young one?" inquired Mrs Job
son.
Its great" spluttered Mr.. Jobson, but
he didn't say it in a convincing way. He
didn't have his usual appetite for break
fast, and he looked thoughtful throughout
the meal.
He wasn't feeling well, he said, when he
returned home that evening, and he went
to bed early. When he made his appear
ance in the dining-room for breakfast Mrs.
Jobson was again lowering over the sui
phur and molasses crock. Mr.. Jobson didn't
60 anywhere near it.
"Well, the spring medicin is stirred up
son pretended to be so interested in the
headlines of the morning paper that he
didn't hear her.
care you ready for the blood puriferw
inquired Mrs Jobson again, and again Mr..
Jobson pretended that he hadn't heard.
Then Ms. Jobson walked right over to
where he had pumped himself in a chair
and said:
my dear, shall we take our sulphur and
molasses now"
"Huh?" said Mr.. Jobson, making believe
that he had just emerged from his trance
"Our spring medicine, you know" said
Mrs Jobson.
oh said Mr.. Jobson, sternly, "you
mean that beastly decoction that you forced
upon me yesterday morning, do you. No,
Mrs. Jobson, /, for one, am not-n-o-t, not
going to take it this morning OF any other
morning. You can take all you want of it
gallons and hogsheads of it, if you choose
but if you think for an infnitesimal fraction
of time that you're going to bullyrag and
bulldoze and hector me into sozzling my sys-