Evening star., 1902-08-16
JOBSoN'S TOLD YOU so"

getting back early in the evening, in proper
season for opening and airing the house,
hiking up bit of luncheon, purchasing the
materials for the Sunday dinner, and, in
general, getting things more or less
Strengthened out for the day of rest on the
morrow. But a stop-off in Philadelphia
and somewhat protracted call upon some
friends there spoiled this arrangement, so
that it was verging upon IL o'clock at
night when they finally walked up the
steps of their home. Before reaching the
sate Mr.. Jobson had talked of making a
hurried entrance to the house and then
hustling to the market shop around the
corner to buy a roast and some eatables
on the following day.
Ascending the steps. Mr.. Jobson began
to go through his clothing for his keys to
the front and vestibule doors. But it was
obvious that he wasn't having much luck
In that search. After turning most of his
pockets inside out two or three times he
sternly inquired of Mrs: Jobson:
Madam, instead of standing there gloom
ing upon ME and impatiently shifting from
one foot to the other, perhaps you'll be kind
enough to hand me the keys of our home
that L was particular to give into your Gus
tody While we were packing up last even
ing down at the seashore?"
Into my custody exclaimed Mrs Job
son. in q tone Of surprise Why YOU
know that you always carry all of the
house keys while are travelling, and that
IL Is one OF your pet phrases that
VINO permits woman to carry keys must
be affected with Softenlng of the BRAIN
Never, in the whole course of my life
married or otherwise, have l ever employed
phrase like that, or one even approxmat-
Ing it, sharply declared Mr.. Jobson. once
more beginning an Intellectual search
through his pockets. And l deferentially
put it to you, right here and now, that it's
blamed near time for you to quit that
habit of yours of putting words into my
mouth. There hasn't been time during
the past eighteen years when we've gone
out of town together that you haven't had
exclusive charge of the household keys
and the only reason that I'm searching my
clothing for them now is that 1t occurred
to me that you had carelessly left them on
the sand, or on loop -the-loop car, or some
such sensible place, and that picked them
up to give you a little lesson when the mo-
ment arrived. However, that seems not to
have happened upon this occasion, and
therefore l must repeat my request that
you hand over those keys at your very
earliest convenience"
''Oh, l remember now Mrs Jobson sud
denly replied, that when you were packing
last night the keys slipped out of the out
side breast pocket of your flannel coat as
you were leaning over the trunk. and that
when | called your attention to 1t the bell
boy entered the room, and you must have
forgotten all about them. So the keys are
i'll your trunk
The arc light on the corner revealed the
awful glare which Mr. Jobson bestowed
upon Mrs. Jobson.
We'll, of all the ingenious crawfshing
schemes for relieving ones self of culpab bill
ity Mrs. Jobson, you've got everybody that
L ever met up with skinned to death" NUT
tered Mr.. Jobson in a hoarSe, tense tone
NOW L am convinced that there is some
thing deep and dark behind this succession
OF fairy tales of yours. FL bet hat or a
hall mat that you sent those keys when we
went away to that poverty stricken bunch
OF rubbering relatives of yours, SOS they
could sneak in here and take possession of
my home during my absence from the city,
or that you framed up some other under
hand scheme for getting the best of me
through those keys
Mrs. Jobson didn't consider it necessary or
desirable to make any reply to these i'm
putations, and then Mr.. Jobson began to
make efforts to force his way into his home
But his efforts were unavailing. The win
dows had all been nailed inside, the doors
had all been double-locked and bolted, and
after about ten minutes of gruntng and
perspiring and sulphurous language Mr.
Jobson had to give it up.
You may think it funny to scheme and
ccntrive to freeze me out of the home that
I've slaved to get together for quarter of
century, he growled to Mrs. Jobson when
at length he ceased his efforts TO force his
way in but my sense of humor hasn't
been trained and developed quite up to that
point"
The only thing the Jobsons could do at
that hour of the night was to repair to one
OF the down town hotels and put up for the
Night, trusting luck TO nnQ their house
keys. or to invoking skilled assistance in
enabling them to break into their home
This they did, Mr.. Jobson grumbling at a
great rate all the way. and limiting savagely
at the many uterior, not to say vicious
motives which had caused Mrs. Jobson to
deliberately shut him out of his own home
in the middle of the night. after he'd more
than broken his neck for month past in
dragging her around the country and in
giving her good time.
Mr.. Jobson handed his trunk checks to
the clerk when they registered, and the
clerk told him that the trunks would be at
the hotel and up in the apartment assigned
to the Jobsons at whatever hour Mr. job
son cared to name. Mr.. Jobson said that
o'clock would be about right. and so the
Jobson baggage was spread out in the job
son apartment at that hour. Mrs Jobson
promptly produced the keys OF all of the
trunks and satchels from her reticule and
the trunks were opened one by one.
We'll just go through your gear first"
said Mr.. Jobson, "for it's pretty nearly a
cnch that, If you haven't done anything
worse with those house keys, you've ex-
ecuted the pin-headed trick of packing them
away with lot Of the totally unnecessary
truck that you yank around the United
States with you when I take you on a sum-
mer vacation
Mrs. Jobson, apprehending the futilty of
making either reply or suggestion, rock
ed herself to and fro at window, and tried
to keep her face straight as she could.
She knew exactly where the house keys
WeTe-tndl JODSOn ndQ aCClQentally
dropped them in packing into one Of bis
own trunks. and she wanted to enjoy the
satisfaction Of seeing Mr.. Jobson make that
discovery himself.
After ne had turned the contents of her
two trunks upside down and made them
look If they had been played in for sew
eral hours by two or three fox terrier pups
he mopped his forehead and reluctantly
tackled his own big trunk.
I'm only doing this as a mere matter of
form. to satisfy your alleged notion that the
keys are in my trunk he said to Mrs Job
son as he lifted the top tray of the trunk
out on the floor, "and-"
Mr.. Jobson came to an abrupt halt He
had lifted up an unworn outing shirt rest
ing directly beneath the tray, and the four
large house keys. attached to a big ring
had tangled to the floor. Mr.. Jobson picked
them up and gazed at them as if he had
never before cast an eye upon them and
then, thrusting them into trousers pocket.
he walked over to window and gazed out
of it for a long time. When he turned to
Mrs. Jobson there was stern look in his
eye. and when he addressed her his voice
was clogged with severity:
Madame he said. Il am willing to put
up with feminine capriciousness and all
that 1t may mean: 1 freely tolerate mani
feStations of an evil temper and DISPOSE
ton; patiently endure fretful comnlain-