The Western news., 1902-02-05
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Wanted-By the American People, q
Patent. Indestructible Naval Hero:
Warranted Not to Fade or Shrink
Life.
Our baby seems to have natural
taste for the piano." "Indeedv Yes:
he's gnawed half the polish off one
g.'-Motherhood.
A Painters Limitations: The Patron
do you guarantee satisfaction? The
Artist-No. madam; | paint likenesses.
indianapolis News.
Not Their First" She = George.
baby has tooth. He-Has he? I
thought he looked "all cut up about
something. Baltimore World.
Old Aunt ldespondently)-W Well.
shall not be nuisance to you much
longer Nephew reassuringly,-Don'r
talk like that, aunt. You know you
will!-Punch
Fatal Accident: "They tell me you
broke three ribs coming across the field.
How did it happen?" Il was beating
off the bulldog with my UMBRELLA
Chicago News.
Gladys-What's become of Mabel7
Belle-She's joined the great majority2
Gladys-You don't mean to say she's
dead? Belle-Oh. no. Married man
named Smith.-Tit- Bits.
Sea Captain Waiter. what do you
call this? Waiter Bouillion. sir. Sea
Captain-Well. well. must have sailed
on bouillion all my life and did noI
know it--Meggendorf Blatter.
Department Store of the Future:
Wild-eyed Mani want to arrange FOR
divorce! Polite Shopgrl-Two aisles
down. This is the counter where we
marry people.-Chicago Tribune.
do you know Miller. the manufac-
turer of eXplosives!" Yes: I'm in the
balloon service. and we passed each
other when his factory blew up-just
passing acquaintance. "-Fliegende
Batter
but l am worth a million in my
own right!' faltered she. sadly. for she
had read that manly men abhor the
thought Of marrying rich women. II
love you for all that!' he cried. gener-
ously.-Town Topics.
There's Mrs Merrygirrs husband
over there. Somehow he doesn't look
like very bright chap to me. Does he
know anythingw Know anything. my
dear! He doesn't even suspect any
thing."-Town Topics.
Its time. Charles. that we thought
of getting Hilda married: she is eigh-
teen" oh let her wait till the right
sort Of man comes along" What nom
sense! ! never waited for the right
sort Of man."-Tit BIS
The provincial barber remarked the
sparsity of his customers hair. Have
you ever tried our special hair wash?"
he said expectantly. "Oh. no. it WASN'T
that that did it," was the customers
crushing reply.-Tit- Bits.
1t Was Great: An did O'Brien have
good wake:' asked Rafferty, of Null
ligan. Did hep replied Mulligan:
'shure. an if he'd been aloive to injoy
it he'd a thought he was havin' the
tonne of his life" Judge.
Going Easy: He is dying very calm
ly.' observed the physician. as he felt
the pulse Of the sufferer $50 like
JOHN softly spoke the prospective
widow; "he always was an easy going
man."-Baltimore American.
Are you willing 10 arbitrator asked
the employer. 'Certainly," replied the
walking delegate. provided am given
reasonable assurance that the deci-
sion will be in accordance with our
way of thinking. Chicago Post.
Papa-See that spider. my boy spin
ming his web. Is it not wonderful: Do
you reflect that. try as he may. no man
could spin that web! johnny What
Of it? See me spin this top? DO yon
reflect. try as you may. no spider could
spin this top!-Tit Bits
Mother-Ihis young man has been
calling ON you pretty regularly Mabel
Mabel-Yes, mother. Mother-Well.
Id like to kno, what his Intentions
are. Do you know: Mabel (blushing,
We'll. er-manlna, we are both very
much in the dark. Philadelphia Press.
Going to Extremes: Mrs. Crimson
beak-l see in the paper that a woman
in looking after another woman. to see
what she had on. fell out of the win
dow. Mr.. Crimsonbeak-Well. that
only goes to show that some women in
trying to follow the styles can go too
far.-Yonkers Statesman.
Il suppose" said the physician. smil-
ing and trying to appear witty. while
feeling the pulse of a lady patient-"I
suppose you consider me an old hum
bug" why. doctor" replied the
lady. Il had no idea you could ascertain
a woman's thoughts by merely feeling
her pulse."-Chicago News
His Little Game: Lazy Louie-Hello.
Wuzit! You're lookin' like tree square
meals a day. What's yer lay? Willie
Wuzit-Im workin' de "misery loves
company" graft. tells de jays dat Z
WuZ redOOced to me present circnn,