davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
s.ps FaoM ,Ao.oss yAE SEA.

An internat ional exhibition 81 mo-
tor boats is to be held on Lake Wann-
see, near Berlin, in June.
Russian villages and country
houses are mostly built of wood and
stone. brick houses being almost un-.
known.
Three thousand pounds is spent on
repairs at ST. Paul's every year.
states the clerk of works at the ca
thedral. 4-r at
Nice and its neighborhood hold the
record for holiday traffic. The aver
age is 100000 arrivals in the course
of a year.
The new stone viaduct in Luxem-
burg will be the largest stone. arch II
the world. 1t will have span O
273.6 feet
Russia's death rate is 81 per LOO
and is increasing. according to Tn.
| imperial registrar generals latest an
| nual report.
Within the last five years the cor
| sumption of absinthe has doubled 1
| Paris. The amount now drunk IN I,
| year is 5000. O00. 900 bottles.
| Brighton Aquarium is to be co
| DloIoly TecouStiu SSSo W
| council at a cost of 100000 MN
pal ping pong will be introduced
the renovated building.
| Twenty persons have taken out
surance policies on the life OF 7
per inmate of Wolverhampton
land) workhouse. who charges hsi;
crown for the privilege.
| Sixty-two miles an hour is TO be
ayers re speed maintained by
train to run on the English Sc v
between Paris and Calais. The 100
ney will only occupy three hours
During the last twenty years u
consumption of eggs has enormous
increased in Great Britain, and no
represents annually an estimated SUI
of $4,000, 900. IS 5000 of which
to foreign importers.
Germany Is undoubtedly the oe'
educated nation of Europe, yet i
teachers in many parts OF the count'
.. are very poorly paid. Recently Sc
eral man teachers in Frankfurt a.
piled for situations as policeme
owing to their remuneration oelr
small " than that of the average p
lice officer.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
THE HUMOR OF iT.

Some of the civil service questions
this year contain the very essence OF
humor and may be paraphrased thus:
How would a bowlegged man get
through the eye of needle?
What is the average rainfall in the
state of Kentucky, and do the colonies
there appreciate It?
If your grandfather should marry
your mother-in-law's second cousin
what do you suppose the old lady
would think OF 1t?
Who is Chauncey M. Depew, and
what do you understand by his Jokes
Atlanta Constitution.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
OUR, WIT AND HUMOR
LATEST EFFoRTs OF The FUN
MAKERS OF THE DAt.
s.ro,e That . College Eaucation Pays
-Bashful Boy ExPlsios the Location
Of An Inward Pain-Ownef Of Parrot
Ca1tiOns the Old Lady.
His Diagnosis.

HH DioH 0ODl1s
It was with silent alarm that young
William Baker, the most bashful boy
OF his class, noted the steady progress
OF an internal pang. 1t became so
acute finally that he could maintain
his composure no longer and he cried
outright.
The gentle school teacher came down
from her chair upon the dais and, plac-
ing her hand kindly upon the boys
head, asked him what was the matter.
William only sobbed He dare not
designate his trouble by the rude term
under which it was known to school
boys His better instincts told him that
such language was not suited to the
ears of lady.
But after hearing much tender SYM
pathy and hesitating profoundly, he
managed to hit upon what seemed to
him to be polite phrase Of diagnosis
And SO he raised his fearful eyes and
said:
please, ma'am, I've got a pain in
my abandon"
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
PHiLosoPHIc MAUNDERINGs.

A loud profession and quiet per-
Torrance never yet went hand In
hand.
There are drawbacks to everything;
it costs something pretty to be a
millionaire.
The man who runs for office for the
good of the people generally expects
to do the people good.
One of the beauties of modern
street car is that if you're too tired
to stand up you can't fall down.
geographically speaking, the dis
tiuct feature of the forthcoming net
shirt waist for summer is that it's So
frank and open.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
sToRYETTEs.

In his latest volume Of political
studies James Bryce tells story Illus
trative Of the extent to which the
minds of the natives of India have
been impressed with the restless en-
ergy and discrimination of their Eng
lish rulers. II heard at Lahore writes
Mr.. Bryce, AN anecdote which. slight
as it is. illustrates the way in which
the native thinks of those things. A
tiger had escaped from the geological
gardens. and it's keeper, hoping to lure
him back, followed it. When all other
inducements had failed he lifted up
his voice and solemnly adjured it in
the name of the British government.
to which it belonged. to come back to
its cage. The tiger obeyed.
AS an instance of the way in which
English is misused and sentences are
made to say what their writer's did not
mean them to say. an advertisement
now to be seen in many real estate Of
fees in London is noted. The adver-
| tisement is issued by the proprietors
| of a large block of flats in the south
west district and runs like this: III
consequence of the great demand fol
flats. owing to the coronation, We have
decided not to raise the price of th'
fats in our mansion" AS a bait t.
chance customers the above is onl!
less alluring than the subtle announce
ment of London tobacconist. who, II
allusion to the methods OF some of hi
competitors who handle American
J goods at low price, advertises: wv
do not save you 33 1-3 per cent"
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
HERE AND THERE.

Four per cent of sailing vessels and
On per cent of steamships are lost in
a year.
Last year the sale of agricultural ma
chinery in Greece was fourfold that OF
the preceding year.
The first fourteen Roman emperors
all shaved their faces clean. There is
a portrait bust representing Nero with
a beard. but it is not believed to be
authentic.
Attila the Hun had nose SO short
that from the front it presented the
appearance Of two holes in the middle
Of his countenance, surmounted by q
small wart-
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
OUT OF THE ORDINARY.

Ono of the English burglary insuf-
ance com Anies advertises that theeeS
are 10000 thieves known to the British
police SIR Robert Anderson of Scot
land Yard says that seventy would be
nearer the number OF. dangerous pro-
fessionals. = - =
Brother Paschal, who died ON q reE4
cent Sunday, was the Oldest inmate OF
the Franciscan Monastery of st. Bon
adventure at Paterson, N. J. He was ~
years old. During the twenty-seven
years that Brother Paschal had spent
in the monastery he was known 10
speak but three times.
A London physician has made care
full calculations and says the average
waltz takes dancers over three-Quar-
tiers Of mile. The square dance rep
resens distance of half mile, ano
the galop between two and three miles.
Therefore the evening ball means
tour of something like fifteen miles.
The most extraordinary motor in the
world is that being erected by a French
doctor in which he intends, with two
students to make a "trip round the
world. 1t will contain two sleeping
apartments, a large workroom and -four
big tanks for storing oil. 1t will I'M
questionably be the largest motor ever
built.
Llr. Borden, the minister of militia
OF Canada, has been notified by tele-
graph from Dawson City that fou1
former policemen have started to walk
| 400 miles on the ice and thereafter to
| travel 900 miles by rail and steamer
| to Victoria at their own expense, IN
the hope of being in time to join the
force for South Africa. Mr.. Borden re-
piled that he would keep the positions
open as long as possible.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
A Dreadful Imputnt,on.

Eyes, ma am, a strickly moril par
rot, ma'am. This is the VERY bird for
you. ma'am."
He's carefully brought up, is he,
dealer?"
Very carefully. ma'an. He's a
regular inherent. he is. But you must
be VERY watchful, ma'am."
''Watchful of what?"
"Of the kind O. language you. uses
before the bird, ma'am. They do pick
up cuss words so easy!"
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15

When the farmer IS prosperous,
everybody is prosperous" said the man
who INDUCES in docmatic utteranees.
That's right" answered Farmer
Corntossel. When the farmers have
money, the gold brick operators, and
side-show proprietors. and lightning
rod people, and everybody begins to
look for good times"
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15

The Light TAet DAnsAE
They sat on the COUCH He gaxed "a
her With love sbeaminE from his eyes.
while her orbs flashed back An sffuf-
gence that rivaled the electric light.
You are-you SIRE" he breathed.
rather at s>ss for words of affection.
you are the -tgnl Of my life"
She gave hi. a look Of alarm, and
then whispered softly in his ear:
Take care my father does net put you
out!" a
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
P.rh.p, II. Was Right.

Actor Ito editor)-See here! In this
article you say that l am about TO
start on a starving tour when ]
distinctly told your reporter that II
was to be starring tour.
Editor-Well, you see. he was an
actor himself before he went into this
business, and naturally he knows how
It really works"
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
Fi,ial Affection.

Casey-Fifty dollars O'Brien spint
irwin to git his mother-inlaw out av
purgatory.
Daly-Fifty dollars?
Casey-Th same. He siz he wants
to cit her out before he goes in, If it
kin be done,-Puck.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
Reward Seekers.

Some people" said Uncle Eben,
lis SO dreful business-like dat while
dey looks fob a reward in de mex
WORT dey's mighty skeery foh fear
dey'll do any mo- dan what's neces'
sary to earn it"
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
Fifty dollars =?
Not the Question.

"I can get along without you" said
the employer, CURLY, to the clerk
whom he had discharged.
THAT is not the question, sir" re-
;plied the clerk, tartly. The question
Is whether | can get along without
you"
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
Ph,,o.sroastica1Iy Speaking.

Little Elmer (who has an lnqutrinS
mand)-Papa, where do these pessi-
mists that we are always reading
about. live?
Prof. Broadhead-On an island OF
egotism, in the midst OF a sea OF woo.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
No Words Missing.

Dear mel" exclaimed Mrs. Dropin.
as she heard Mr.. Sputter swearing IN
the next room. What dreadful Ian
susge!"
II hope you won't mind It," replied
Mrs. Sputter; my husband Is merely
giving an imitation OF missing-word
contest without any words missing.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
CT His High Horse

Merchandise you're looking for
position?
Young College Graduate-No. I've
wasted SO much time looking for
position" that I'll be satisfied to take
a lob.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
conclnsixe Evidence.

Mrs. Nebb-Why do you think Mrs.
De Peyster is mentally unbalanced!
Mrs. Keeptab-Well, she permits her
husband to sit on her sofa pillows
Ohio State Journal.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
uis Great Fear.

Kind Lady-What are you crying
about, little boy?
Little Boy-My little bruther has tn
measles an cant go to school,
Kind Lady-Ah, l see-you are
afraid you'll catch EN-?
Little Boy-No, I'm afraid l won't.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15

What soulful eyes you have! she
said to the innocent youth.
Have II" he smilingly asked
Yes" she murmured in her gush-
ing way Especially the left one.
could look into its liquid depths for
hours"
IT might leave 1t with you over Sum
day" said the youth. Its glass"
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
A Domestic Mystery.

Mr.. Understanding queer about
Biffkins. He has never once men
toned his wife.
Mrs Binks-Perhaps he isn't mar
ried.
Mr.. Binks-Oh. yes, he Is. He wears
out three pairs of shoes a month try
ing to save car f2re.-New YORK
Weekly.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
Mo Freehearted.

II seen the devil once" said Brother
Dickey.
And how did he look?" some one
asked.
"Oh, he looked purity much lax
white man in 'leckshun times. only he
'peared ter be a good deal mo- free
hearted"
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15

The waiter pushed the finger bowl
toward Uncle Cyrus, who was dining
at the Waldorf-Astoria.
No. thankee," said Uncle Cyrus,
with some heat "Yew didn't bring
tibet when fust sat down an it's too
late now"
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
Her Suspicion.

"Is your husband sunerinS IRON
*he toothache?"
We'll" answered the woman, with
q tired expression, he says he's SUI
fering. But from the way he keeps
Dragging about it I'm half suspicious
that he's kind of enjoying ii.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
s,me Old Com pratnt.

81 jus. cav man going out, doc
tor; has he any new complaint"
No, same old complaint" said the
man of pills; bills too large."-Yon-
kers Statesman
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15

JOB had great deal of patience
explained the S. S. teacher.
YES" broke in little Bobbie, but ne
wudn't of cared for that II ne haon
OF had so menny botls."
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15

Jast the Place to Live In.
Gracious! You don't means to say
you are going to move out to Bog
ville?"
Indeed, 1 am. consider it an ideal
place.
Huh! You ought to read the pa
pers. There's more sickness there than
in any town in this vicinity"
II know it. I'm a physician"
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15

Which do you prefer asked the
friend. classical music or classlca!
plays?"
Classical music, every time an
swered Mr. CumroX. '1nere is always
noise enough in that to keep you
awake"
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15

DIsinfeotant the Side.
"Bluffenheim is giving away lot
of presents with that new cigar he
la lust putting on the market"
"One of them ought to be a can Of
disinfectant."
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15

wise-A college education pays IN
the end.
Wrong-How SO?
Wise-Well. my son has signed 70
pitch for 81, 900 next season.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
In the Campaign.

ct believe,' said the candidate, that
the state wants me"
Perhaps" replied his friend. But
the voters may refuse to honor reQni-
Nation.'
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15

hunter"
Rather sudden. isn't it?''
Why. suppose he's willing to
marry in haste and spend her money
at leisure. PUCK.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15
His ProRra mme.


Yes: she is to marry Mr.. Money
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15

81 love to dress like my husband.
The Jennings daily record. [volume] (Jennings, La.) 1900-1903, 1902-05-15

81 love to eress as my husband
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23
Mn. Wilson Long Dead.

Mr.. Wilson Long, who resides
just over the dividing line in New
berry county, died last Tuesday and
was buried on Wednesday. He was a
brother of Mr.. J. W. Long of "'-"
town, and was we'll known by many
of cur people who served in the civil
war. He has the reputation of being
a man of sterling qualities of charac-
ter, strict indignity and was a hard
working and industrious farmer and
succeeded in accumulating quite a
competency. He was a confederate
soldier and endured uncomplainingly
all the hardships and pri7ations in
cident to those string times.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23
Genuine Values.

The announcement has been made
by j. L. Mimnaugh & Co., Columbia
that this will be a week of special
bargains at his immense department
stores and consequently his stores
will be veritable bee hives of commo-
tion and business, white goods, color
ed lawns, shirt waists, ladies' suits,
hosiery, shirts, clothing, boys knee
pants, suits, trousers and shoes are
some of the articles which have been
thrown upon the bargain counters
for the benefit of the purchasing
public. The prices on all these
standard articles are so low that as
to make each and every one of them
genuine values that cannot be dupli-
Gated outside of their store. When
you want bargains, thatar bargains,
give Mimnaugh & Co, call when in
the city and you will be more than
pleased with your purchases.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23
A Sad But Fatal Accident.

News Of an unfortunate and deplor-
able shooting accident reached Us
Sunday afternoon, which occurred at
the home of Mr.. J. Pierce Hendrix,
who resides some distance above this
place. Our information is that his
little son got his gun to kill hawk,
the gun exploded and Mrs. Hendrix
who went with him, accidentally
received the load of shot in her thigh.
The main artery was punctured and
in a few minutes after receiving the
wound she bled to death. She was
buried in Pisgah cemetery Monday.
All the parties connected with the
deplorabIe tragedy have the deepest
sympathy Of the entire com munity.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23

Hundreds and thousands of people
not only from this state but from
all states of the union are daily going
to and from the Charleston Exposi-
ton.
Representative Lever was at the
White House this morning to present
to the President Mr.. and Mrs. A G..
Wise, OF Prosperity, S. c., who are
passing through Washington on their
way home.
The free rural delivery has become
50 popular in this State that appIi-
cations for the establishments of
routes are so numerous that more
agents have been asked for to pass
upon the petitions.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23
Col. Chas. Marshall Dead.

Baltimore, April 20-Col. Charles
Marshall, military secretary of Gen.
Robert E. Lee during the Civil war,
and for many years one of the leaders
Of the Baltimore bar, died Of apoplexg
at his home here late last night. He
had been in bad health for about two
years.
Col. Marshall was born Oct. 80,
1880, at Warrenton, Va. He became
a member of Gen. Lees staff in 1862
and was attached to him throughout
the war. He was the only member
of the generals staff who accompanied
him at the surrender at Appomattoy;
and the terms of the surrender were
drafted by him.
It was the privilege Of this writer
to know Col. Marshall and often chat
ted with him when receiving and de-
livering telegraph messages and other
orders while discharging messenger
service in the war, and regret to
hear of his death. Ed. Dispatch
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23
Enjoyed by the Profession.

The members in attendance at the
meeting of the S. G. Medical Associa-
ton at Spartanburg last week had a
huge time. Many interesting ad-
dresses were delivered and valuable
papers read. The banquet given at
the Spartanburg Inn was grand and
highly enjoyed by the profession
In mentioning the respose to toasts
The Spartanburg Herald says: "The
Country Doctor" was responded to
by DR.. D. NJ. Crossoa who made an
excellent address, interspersing his
earnest, practical suggestions and
pleas with a we'll balanced vein OF
.humor."
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23
Saw Mill Burned.

Messrs. W. W. Barr & Sons had
the misfortune to lose by fire, on
Friday night last, their steam ssw
mill, near Eimunde, with about
eight thousand feet of lumber. No
insurance. They will rebuild with
new outfit at orce. Mr. Barr is one
of our successful lumber men and
while he is able to replace the
machinery the loss is quite heavy.
This is the second mill that he has
had the misfortune to lose by fire,
his grist and -four mill near his home
having been destroyed several years
ago.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23
Free Rural Delivery.

DR.. G. E Leaphart, postmaster at
this place, has received notice that
Mr.. F. P. Boushee, special agent
and examiner Of Rural Free Deliv-
cry service, will bs at the postofice
in Lexington, On Monday, the 2Sth
of April, 1902, for the purpose Of
investigating the establishment of a
rural free delivery route northwest
of this place. An examination will
be held for the appointment of q
carrier and the establishment of an
eligible register for rural free deliv-
cry service on the route leading from
this place via W. @. NJ. Berley's,
Walter Kyzer's, Ed Harman's, Henry
Smiths and Beauregard Harman s,
thence back to this place. All appli
cants who have fled their names for
this proposed service will be present
for the examination.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23
Hints Oh the Road Question.

To the Editor of the Dispatch:
As Mr.. Craps thinks we have but
little road law and Mr.. P. J Rucker
thinks we ought not to have what we
already have, how would a law
embody;ng the following answer the
purpose? That each road hand be-
tween certain ages psy commuta-
ton tax of one dollar or work three
days under a contractor. Then to
raise an additional fund levy tax
sufficient to raise about the same
amount as the Communication tax.
Now Mr.. Editor, I expect to hear
some one say that you want to tax
the people. What is road duty or
commutation tax? I want to take
some off of the poor class and put
some on the well-to-do and wealthy
class, which includes the railroad
and manufacturing companies. [
claim that every proposition I have
layed down is just, right and equita-
bie j. Il. Counts.
Irmo, S. c., April 19, 1902
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23
Obituary.
Jas. B. Addy, Sec.

Martha Ann Elizabeth Hendrix
was born November 18th, 1853, and
died April Goth, 1902, making her
earthly pilgrimage 4S years, S months
and 7 days. She leaves husband,
one son and many relatives and
friends to mourn Ler departure.
She was baptised in infancy and
confirmed a member of the Lutheran
church while young, of which she
remained a faithful member until
death. y.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23
Only Standard Goods Kept.

For square, honest, dealings, Wm.
Platt of Columbie, has earned the
reputation Of being reliable dealer
in dry goods, millinery and notions.
No shoddy 'Fcheap John" goods are
kept in stock, but every article is of
standard value, worth dollar for dol
lar. One of his rules of business is
not how cheap, but how good and
the value cf the article is always in
excess of the price paid.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23
Public Invited.

There will be addresses delivered
in the court house at $50 p. m Sun
day, on the occasion Of the anniVer-
ssry of the Independent Order OF
Odd Fellows of this place. The
public is cordially invited to attend.
The members of Dixie Lodge will
assemble at their hall at 3 p. NJ, and
march TO the court house.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23
A Gard.

DR.. E. J. Etheredge will attend
the Confederate Veterans reunion
at Dallas, Texas, April % to 25, and
his dental Office will be closed until
May the 1st. Persons wishing him
to do dental work, will govern them.
selves accordingly.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-04-23
A Grand Opportunity.

Those who wish to have delight
full trip to the Charleston Exposition
in a separate car from this place, on
the 18th of May, joining Dixie
Lodge of Odd Fellows, on the occa-
sion of Odd Fellows Day at the Tx
position, will consult Mr.. Alfred }.
Fox, at Lexington Savings Bank.