Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1902-11-28

or stab somebody, why doesn't he sally
forth from his castle or flat-whichever
he inhabits-and remark that he is out
for gore? He would not have to re
mark it more than once or above his
breath. He would not have to waste
half as many words as did Marmion in
the celebrated adios to the owner OF
Tantalon's towers. He wouldn't have
to shake his gauntlet at Colonel Henri
Watterson more than once before the
colonel would send bullet whistling
about his capacious ears. and if he said
"dare" to General John b. Castleman
he could not live, breathe, move and
have his being more than ten seconds
in the county Of Jefferson and state OF
Kentucky. Suppose this yainglorious
idiot Of an Arlund should signify to
General Basil Duke that he would like
to do little bloody business with him,
General John FL. Morgan's old lieu
tenant would accommodate him I'm
the twinkling Of an eye" as st. Paul
would say, or in the shake Of a sleeps
tail, as the average Kentuckian would
say. I name these eminent Louisvil-
lians because I know them and honor
them, but there are others The town
is full of them-John Coulter. ex-sher-
iff of sweet Audrain, for instance,
who wouldn't stand any monkey busi-
ness from Arlund or any other idiot.
unless he has experienced a change OF
heart since he and Went to s!e2ha9 !ol TO-
gether In the days Of auld lang syae
He is a brother of "Big Zay." who
served with Sue Monday and died with
Quantrell at Shelbyyille. Then there's
Miak Petty and hundreds of others
who would respond to Arlund's call
for gore instahter st sss aeng eeremonie.
There is no necessity for Arldnd, Wee
/ is thirsting for blood, to spend time
! and money by going to st. Louis to
..,-, down Moses G. Wetmore Oh,
eHAse "a m street corner
no! He can't sIauu - 80.
in Louisville and whistle for a griz-
Fly" without seeing grizzly waddling
down the street, and the chances are
100 to that if Wetmore should get out
his "Yanger" and bid defiance to Ar
lund the latter would begin running
and never stop till he had crossed the
sea, but Nose appears to have more
money than sand" and will probably
keep out of sight MS long as Arlund is
on the warpath.
The proper thing for Nose to do is to
say-by letter if he can't clap his eyes
on him-to Arlund: "Sir-You know as
well as l do that it is penitentiary
offense to send Or accept or carry
challenge in Missouri; also to fight a
duel in the state or to leave the state
to fight one. In answer to your chal-
lenge have to say: Go to with your
challenge. will have no duel and
penitentiary sentence in mine, but
give you fair warning that live in St.
Louis and expect to continue to live
there. If you fool with me, will
cowhide you within an inch Of your
life or cut your throaty' That would
settle Arlund.
The strangest thing about this whole
mysterious and preposterous business
is that, as he alleges. Moses G. Wet
more is an American army officer and
colonel of certain regiment. Will
Mr.. Arlund inform an expectant world
as to what regiment Nose is colonel
Of? He probably would pay $4,000 to
be colonel of any old regiment in q
time of peace, stationed not too far
from the Planters House, and wouldn't
have it at any price in time Of war.
No, no, Arlund; Nose is only paper
colonel such as abound in Missouri.
Whether Governor w. ]. S. promoted
Nose to that rank do not know. II
] he did. it cost the governor nothing
| and was great boon to Nose.
The career Of Colonel Moses in poll
tics has largely increased his stock Of
experience and diminished his stock Of
cash.
Glorious Missouri.
Others may stray from the paths of
political righteousness, but Missouri
will not. She is firm in the faith once
delivered to the saints and solid as
rock in the basic principles Of Democ-
racy and of good government. AS
proof positive of Missouri's loyalty to
the tenets of the fathers it is only
necessary to state that at the last cleo.
ton she gave Democratic plurality
of 1924. AS the Washington Post
truthfully and cynically remarks, "The
next time the Republicans try to carry
Missouri they will probably take out
an accident policy" Yea, lots of them.
In contested election Missouri will
not go Republican till people have lost
the power of memory. She was Re
publican once. and scalded cat breads
| cold water: q burnt child breads the
fire.
Some Pumpkins.
That we are getting to be some pump
kins us people is clearly indicated
by recent dispatches from ancient
Santa Fe showing how the Beveridge
aggregation of talents, genius and ora
atory is managing to divide public
interest with that eminent parsonage
the crown prince Of Siam. The scion
Of royalty appears to be travelling 'in
foreign parts" for pleasure and in
formation. Senator Beveridge and his
senatorial confreres are travelling into
Ito them) terra incognita which should
be admitted into the Union on an equal
footing with the original thirteen and
the subsequent thirty-two. One of the
most fragrant outrages ever perpe-
trated on any people is the fact that
New Mexico has been kept out of the
Union more than fifty years, despite
the fact that during that entire half
century she has possessed the neces-
sary qualifications for statehood. Those
qualifications may be too low and too
few, but they are what the fathers