Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1902-11-20
How to Bun a Newspaper.

| Everybody knows, OF course, except per-
haps the people who have had long wear
| isome experience in the business. They
| for some reason are never lavish with adj
vice and very chary besides OF promiscu-
| Gus criticism.
But the subscribers, the regular readers
of sheet, Inn; let the newspaper makers
listen to their miscellaneous criticisms
OF any issue il the wretched scribes wish
to arrive at proper appreciation of their
ridiculous efforts, and attain to a state of
meekness that will entitle them to inherit
not only the earth but the whole solar
system.
On the regular publication day, if the
power doesn't give out, the folder balk up,
the pressman have fit or all the advertis-
ers come in five minutes before the forms
are closed to insist upon changing their
various announcements, illumination"
as it is facetiously called, goes TO the post
Office on time.
From there it is carried home. and after
supper Pater Families puts on his slippers,
hunts up his glasses, seats himself in the
most comfortable chair the house affords
and proceeds to look over the news. Mater
Familas takes position on the other side
OF the light with the mending basket and
proceeds to look over the family hose; so
while he darns the paper, she darns the
holes.
After moment the silence is shattered
byan angry snort. Pater Familias has
happened on a two-line item about his GO
ing over to Podunk Corners the other day
to buy COW. at beats all how those
folks can't remember that there is an e on
the end OF my name. They don't have any
trouble with Roosevelt, Roseberry or even
WI Ting Fang. all worse names than mine
and harder to remember. I'll just write
them tomorrow that if they can't put my
name in right they needn't put it in at
ALL"
'They never get anything right de-
clares Mater, weaving her darning needle
in and out.
Five minutes Of diligent reading follow
ed by another outblrst from Pater. 'Good
Land How do you suppose they spell
niece f-N-e-l-c-e, as I'm a sinner. | amt
no dictionary myself, but I'd learn to spell
words Of one syllable if was running a
newspaper Pretty well pleased at being
able to detect the error, Pater stretches out
IN a satisfied way and resumes his reading.
Mater gazes at him admiringly and allows
they can't spell scat" down TO that print
ing office.
More quiet, then "Ha, ha, ha," and
Pater slaps his knee and chuclles all over.
Here's all about that horse Jones was try
ing to sell me today. Baked up with him
on Wayback hill night before last, kicked !
the wagon into kindling wood, dragged |
Jones a mile and left him to walk home |
the rest Of the way. Nice horse that; |
give plugged cent for a whole /
carload OF him. Tell Jones tomorrow I'd /
rather have an automobile"
"Actually heard Of that before it was a /
month old, did they And told it straight, /
more's the wonder" comments Mater, |
her hand into another sock to see
II ii is intact.
Further skimming up and down OF col
umns and Pater lights on paragraph that .
makes him bounce like a rubber ball.
swell, il they haven't gone and put in all
The particulars Of that little spill we had
Made out that FREELY is afraid
Of the cars ana an unmanageable brute,
that / don't know enough to handle a
rocking horse, and that you are mass of
fractures. Told them particu
arly not to mention the affair; that / 1
would rather give five dollars than have a 4
had. Can't dispose OF the beast now in
tide of three counties for anything like 4
what IL cost me-
"Just like 'em; always nosing around
md putting every trifiing mishsp right II
Town, just as though people didn't have
my rights of their own grumbles Mater, II
Who is pretty sore over that accident one II
way and another.
"That sheet gets worse and worse, " sums
~ Pater, casting il from him. "Ill let
he time run out this year and not renew"
"Might as well, agrees Mater, I'D Just
S leave have white paper for the pantry
helves.n
Nevertheless, they keep on taking il as
and work off lots of spleen in its
erusal.