Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1902-11-12
AUTOBIOGRAPHY
OF A BUFFER
As Recorded by F. E. Elwell

r WAS born under an unlucky star,
so had been informed by the horo-
scope writer, and there may have
been some truth in this statement
However, l must have realized this
fact in my youth for no opportunity
was lost to set things right with my
self and the world.
l knew it all.
There was no one who could tell me
anything or teach me anything that
had not heard or known before. AS
look back on my youthful years l am
bound to deliver myself Of entire blame
because there was no one to instruct
me in the way Of truth.
My lot was cast with those who, by
their wits, earned whatever was neces-
iary for their existence. The main idea
instilled into my mind was to bluff 1t
out on all occasions. This was consid-
cred among those found around me as
the highest form of education.
Many of our present-day politicians
have learned this lesson in the same
school, and have been able to bluff the
public out of good deal.
l was in the country one day with a
oarty of other kids, who had been given
an outing by some charity A gentle
man said,to me, Tommy, do you know
anything about flying kites?"
1 replied, yep; all about it."
1t crossed my mind later in the day
that l would meet this same gentleman
at the Newsboys' Retreat, where used
to go and enjoy a few hours in the
evening. l had learned to read in this
place, and had found the accomplish
ment of great use to me.
For this foolish remark, which was
at once a lie, boast and a straight
bluff, I was obliged to delve in the
books of the little library half the
night, and until my head fairly split.
He asked me the questions all right
the next day, pinned me down to an
answer, and thought that he had
caught me so that he could moralize
about it, but I came up all right,
looked him square in the eye, and was
ready with many answers that pleased
him. He took to me and was the
means of my first lift in the world.
Strange to say, 1 have never forgot
thousand times since.
Many bluffs of this nature were
handled in the same way, causing an
amount of mental labor entirely un.
nescessary, but filling my mind with
useful knowledge. AS grew older.
learned little by experience, but very
little, for there seemed always the fool
ish desire to pose as somebody and
never admit that 1 did not know.
Among my associates of my own age
1t was an easy matter to bluff, but this
did not satisfy the egotism in my ma
:ure; still fancied that it was evidence
of intellectual supremacy to pretend t.
know more than I really did. This pre-
tense naturally brought me in con
tact with some higher than myself, 81
that l was at times put to sore straits.
By this time l was an expert on bluff
and had risen steadily in my position
solely as I see it now on bluff, purt
and simple.
During the period of my employment
before l had become one of the firm
many interesting things occurred.
had many narrow escapes.
1t was frequently said of me, III
knows lot" This hattered me great
ly, and / actually came to believe
myself. There was remarkable lac
Of humiliating circumstances in m
early life. l succeeded in bluffin
through most trying conditions. 1t wa
my game and l learned to play
well.
In my early business career, wher
ever my bluff was found out, | simpl
sought another place and general
won on bluff, pretending to kno1
much, when | knew nothing. l woul
bluff some simple chap to tell me q
much as he could about the work, an
then l would add my bluff, so littl
by little, by sticking to the same bus
ness, l swung into fine position {
trust in a big concern.
1t would seem that here, at least, or
would be satisfied. I was still unma
ried well-to-do and respected in IN
district. l entered politics on a dea
straight bluff, won out. and after ser
ing several terms in the Assembly an
In various political positions found m
self Governor, in the seat of honor
The State capital. Monumental blu
had secured for me what many me
hore worthy could not attain. l W;
jhe pride of my district, and was poin
VI out as q model man. a fine chara