Tazewell Republican. [volume] (Tazewell, Va.) 1892-1919, 1902-09-18

out for more storms, for that one
come up mighty quick.
"Over on his hilltop Uncle Jabez
Boneset was mighty Disguised be-
cause the rainstorm he'd conjured up
never reached the hum plate. Natur-
ally, he heard Sis battery operatin'
but he didn't figure on tibet amount
in to anything.
"'Thet old perrynoyack," says he,
usin' II word which he'd just dug out
of a medical work, he's probably out
shootin' mosquitoes instead of poi
sonin' EN- to death with kay-rosene,
which is the progressive way. I'm
sorry for him. he says. Tomorrow
I'll git up rainstorm that'll discour-
age his shootin' and save him pow
der
$50 next day he loaded up and per-
duced an able-bodied cloud which 81
Beetle on his hill immejitly perfor-
ated. Uncle Jabez tried another. 81
made bull's-eye.-
"Uncle Jabez banged out two
storms, northwest and southwest
81 did a double-barrelled trick and
both of 'em died inside the bound
aries.
"Now, you can monkey with ma
ture Just so far and then she breaks
loose and rips things, and what hap
pened this time was that the high
pressure and low pressure got IA
tally mixed, and one able-bodied cy-
clone started down Sis hill and met
another able-bodied cyclone from
Jabez's elevation.
"Bein' unable to remain behind 81
went along with his cyclone and ia
bez accompanied his. Talk about
pergessiveness! AS ! said before
both of the old men was progressive.
but they never progressed tibet fast
before or since.
First thing either of 'em knew
they was butin' heads like two old
rams in the bottom of the valley.
Then says Jabez Boneset to 81
Beetle:
"'Did you shoot up my storm"
"'Was tibet your Storm says ST.
" Tt certainly was says Jabez. 4
brung it to help my melons, he
says. It's a twentieth century no.
ton that you'll learn if you live ten
year. more, maybe
can you never took thought of
nv grapes says 81.
"'An old fogy like you got no
business raisin' grapes says my
Uncle Jabez, unless he knows how
to perfect EN-
"'Tben you done it, says Jabez,
very savage.
"I did, thet, says 81, quite indie
pendent.
"Tn hand you a corkscrew
punch, says Jabez.
"'And I'll lam your solo Pegasus
till you couldn't tell it from Il last
years tometter cam says 81.
"With that they went at it. The
first pair of cyclones was bad
enough, but they was summer
zephyrs compared with the article
that the combined fghtin' powers
of my Uncle Jabez Boneset and old
81 Beetle turned out.
"After half an hour of it Jabez
was lyin' with his feet in the creek
and 81 was Topped up against a tree.
"'Si.' says Jabez, ARE you licked?'
IT
Ono says Jabez; but I'd hate to.
be any nearer than I am.
$50 would L. says 81. Have you
got any good new, warranted pay
tent liniments that you could recon-
mend?'
"1've got 'em, plenty of EN- says
Jabez, but l couldn't recommend
'em. What I pine for is some good,
old-fashioned arnicky.'
"'And a nip of last century's
whisky says 81.
Fright you are says Jabez. old !
things is best, as the pome has it.
This mad race for supremacy is
gettin' too fast for me- he says.
Right here and now l climb down
off the automobeel an live the life |
of a self-respectin' an moss-covered |
gravestone from now on he says
"'Same here says 81, and they |
shook hands on it amid the ruins of |
their conflicting storms.
"And from that day on" con
Guided Farmer Ezra Baler, earnest
ly, there hasn't been more quiet,
peaceful, old fogy, non progressive
locality in the world than thet part
of Buckaloo coHnty where my Uncle
Jabez Boneset and old 81 Beetle
combined and licked the eternal sky |
lights out of a flynn machine man,
only last week for tryin' to light on
one of their hill tops."-N. Y. Sun. |