The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1902-09-24
MADE THE BUTLER LAUGH.
q Cockney Hosts Scheme to Mako the
HIiIarity Unanimous.

| 4 Cockney Hosts scheme O mhke tne
Hiiarity Unanimous.
"while I was in Melbourne" said n
Washlngtonian who recently visited
Australia on n business mission for
| Philadelphia manufacturing concern,
II was present at n stag dinner given
by an Englishman who had only n
short time before struck II rich In the
| gold fields. He was middle aged and
n cockney of the cockneys. He had
been poking around the auriferous hills
of Australia with pick for more than
twenty years before he struck the ledge
that made him millionaire many
| times over.
"He was bachelor, and when I got
| to Melbourne he had only recently got
| his magnificent domicile In running or
der. He had about two dozen servants,
| the top man, of course, being charac-
teristically grave and imperturbable
| English butler, a fellow as stiff as n
| lamppost and with about as much
humor in his carcass as n nincpin.
"The stag dinner was n pretty jolly
affair. 1t was attended by about TWEEN
| " well known mcn-about-town of Mel
bourne, and some performers from the
| Melbourne vaudeville theatres were
engaged to entertain the guests.
"The English butler presided over the
| feast with the solemn manner beft-
ting his kind. The fun ran around
the table like breeze after the wine
| began TO operate, but nary II grin
crossed the features of the naughty
| butler. He stood at the sideboard as
straight as n persimmon tree, with his
arms folded. and his countenance was
like mask of tragedy when the host
| and all of the guests were all but roll
ing out of their chairs with laughter.
| II was sitting on the left of the host,
| and observed that the preternatural
gravity of the butler was getting on the
hosts nerves. Whenever the laughter
was at its height the cockney million
aire would glance up from beneath his
bushy eyebrows at the butler, only TO
perceive that not 30 much as n muscle
of that dignitary's face was twitcl-
ing.
"'Blime me- heard the host mutter
savagely TO himself two or three times,
WY don't that bloomink cove larf,
y'knaw?
Even when the vaudeville people
! began to execute their cut-up stunts
the butler never gave the slightest in
dication that he saw anything funny
in the proceedings. Finally mono
logue chap whose line of talk really
was screamingly funny, got the floor.
and II wasn't long before he had every
man at the table just a-rocking and
holding his sides. The host his eyes
glued upon the buffers face to see If
the professional entertainer even was
capable of drilling a grin out of his
face. But it was no go. The butler
stood like rock. To all intents and
purposes he might just as well have
had paralysis of the facial nerves.
"The cockney host couldn't stand II
any longer. He jumped out of lis
chair-showing that he was just hi
unsteady on his legs. which was nat
ural enough, considering the way the
corks had been popping-and rushing
upon the butler and catching him
around the waist he threw the imper
turbable servitor onto the floor, threw
open the buffers coat, dug the fingers
of both of his strong, pudgy hands into
the buffers ribs to tickle him, and
bawled rs he leaned over the man:
"'Larf, v bloody Stoughton bottle
larf! That's right, larf! Larf till y
bust, " bloomink cover
"The butler, convulsed with uncon
trollable shrieks of laughter under Tho
tremendous tickling he was undergo
Ing, yelled to be let up before he went
off into 'isterics,' but his employer
went right on tickling his ribs with nj
his might until the butler was ex
hausted. Then he let him up.
"'Hi knowed HID make v larf, v
bloomer, an now that we've larfed, III
give y rise in y'r wiges,' said the
host, gleefully, resuming his chair. rh,
butler got up and the feast went on
Washington Post.