The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1902-11-29
SLOW PHILADELPHIA
The Funny FIinss a tie Quaker
CITY Eot An Wen FOUNDED
u,-,.~- msa nna Polisfoiaaa AFs -
Wt1s Auake 80 EnHsEVrairS
Thoas q Any OtAG
Greaa 0onmuni1y.


Those who have grown accu1tomed
70 the almost Proverbial expression,
aAs slow as-a Philadelphia have
never gone beyond the humorous con
siderst5on OF tie matter, writes DR..
william Ellis Trings, h the Chicago
American.
The nSWBpapeEs haTo made y the
bruns Of humorous thrnSta, the
theme has furnished food for car1ea-
turiSts on occasions when more mo-
mantous problems have lain in sum
berjn9 ouiescence, lecturers have
scored Introductory points about II,
and knights Of the heel and clog
have come to resort to It a. . vindica-
ton when old and memorable gray
haired jokes have failed TO find market
IN the pIayhouses Of the beautiful city
Of homes.
So far has this overindnlgenee OF
welItaken criticism extended that one
nav hear in England and as far away
Az the orient, stories invested with rid
icule for patient Philadelphia, the long
suffering and never-complaining home
Of as lovely and loving community Of
psopIe a. God ever made.
A certain lecturer In Scotland, con-
memOra4ing the disposition Of his fam
fly said: 81 have three children Nv
ing. and one IN PhiladelphiA, Pa. A
weIl known long distances walker sth-
lets, losing the championship in .
time walk from Washington 70 New
York. eonsoled his defeat and amused
his admirers BY declaring that hsWas
Tar ahead Of his old-time record, when
on arriving in The city Of Philadelphia,
his fost went to slsep4 and he was IN
able to proceed furthSr with hiS 80
eu1tomsd agility.
The members Of q hourishtng base-
BAN team, on ahghting from the train
eseh appeared armed with q gigantic
alarm clock which they proceeded 70
carry about The town 20 keep tham
awake.
A rtiIl more unfoFtunabo, but actual
occurrence Il the one recorded IN the
undertakerE journals that 'Philadel-
phia g the only city in the world en-
ioyinR the distinction Of having had
one Of fts citizens run over and killed
BY an undertakes hesrOe.
Actors appease the fancy 3 hekle fol-
bles by informing N that they come 70
Philadelphia and tell jokes one season,
returning the next 10 find they have
lust penstrated the slumbering per
csptions Of the easy-going citizsnI.
And thuA Philadelphia becomes the
poets theme, the jOker's jes@ the
caricaturist's hope, while its qnavens-
ing MILLIONS are born, live and die IN
the despeUt affection for the place, IN
mindful of the thrusts. and not infrs-
quently enjoying them.
I have seen eonSumptivoS deiboE'
stely rofusS the oRsr Of home and com
fort with an almost indisputable as
Gursnce Of restoration 70 health and
ertainly q longer life, in themountainf
of the south, southwest and Colorado
that fhsy might remain in the city Of
thar love and die there-seemingiy
perfectly eOntented. In two cases par
ticularly I know that each could bav'
had every luxury that wealthy and
anxious friends and relatives woulc
have rendered 70 90 away into tbs
iandsof oxygenous air and balmy sun
shina, but they refused 20 leaye-th'
one DYING when the winter came, anS
the other lingering to-day. held by th'
barent thread o. existence that 4
worse than death.
Now, there "a q serious and q scien
tife side 70 the fact Of Philadelphia
sloWness a. q body Of people
IL 81 noticeable that the men VIII
control wealth, who handle great cor
porationa and engage IN vast bushes
enterprises therein, are alive 70 thei
business best interests. and eompris
e Waksfal . set Of men as one wishe
tohnd in any municipality in the world
This 81 particularly noticeable IN th
political Affairs Of Philadelphia.
Those who engage in the actual cor
troll Of the vast eity's interests take OC
caaionsl opportunity 20 assure th
world that there is nothing slow abou
the politicians Of that town. The voter
are just the contrary-lst q man Il
authority betray every sense Of homo
and fidelity 20 his constituency, an
they win re-elect him a. long as b
shows his allegiance 70 the powers tina
be. This signifies subservieney-seI
vie Observation-Disclosures Il be good o
bad. The same IL true in bushes,
While II is not done. Iadd. TO the homo
Of Philadelphia business men. yet
business man who desired could enc
almozt any honest condition of en-
ployment from his hard-worked art
sans. and they would humiliatingI
submit TO Il rather than run the re
and dread Of lost position. This
said IN no disparagsment-lt = Stu
PIE truth.
Deasstis Polns % view.
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