The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-03-09

BOBBY WRITES
ALEARNED ESSAY
ABOUT WOMEN

N.Y. Aunt Almira says that woman was
3D.. last and cr1wuilE work of creation,
r.. mv Uncle Bob just bats his eyes like
a toad fin d haust0rm. our language is
called the mother tongue, there amt any
Gather tongue. Women are ali the time
irving fo improve YOU or reform YOU. or
something. and telling you that from this
Non s.uald learn. but man don't care
v-r..H tr4r the tufg inclines lust SOS YOU
5rr.ttsE Hes or steal OF rake a stick along
Hiz picket feuse.
Wome- love society and missionaries.
anil men don't Aunt AImira says society
is the miugIiug Of congeuiaI spirits for
mutual e5FeatioH and Improvement; but
If gives Uncle Bob pain In the neck. He
saws that golf 5 the art OF chasing ii liver
r.U around tie pasture with a scythe-
srarH. and THAI any girl that possesses q
million dollars has got "a good figure, even
81 zhr- so skinny that when she swallows
q saa=.lerrv it shows lie also sLys that
-aea,g is composed of equal parts of s
envy. sgTavaEaucc and egotism. compli-
Gated with E.gEIs. gable, sob5le and 3
hectic desire To- set your name iH the pa
r.rs Tive noticed myself that most of
TIE foolish things we do u this life are
alue bg ls o. cuz We suspect that some s
body else thinks we can't do -am.
II you want to wind Uncle Bob no ana
start h.m running, AN you have TO do IS
60 s.g Society" or Missionary 10 him
He's like snake with fourteen rstues
and huJtou-yoU touch the button and
toe snake win do the rest The average
missionary has O. Dig face, like a h0rS, s..
and puts u mis- time irving TO talk yoGj
into giving money 90 the heather throuEn{
lis nose ] don't mean giving the heathea}
th. money through his nose. but thaUs}
1n. way the missionary talks The
heather Is always broke Ueathens ares
called hlatheus b'cuz they act in sr-h "a S
h.ftHeuish name. They go around n}
public clad iB total Indifference and ana
occasional shirt, and kick up their haels}
iu .He -Iad sunshine
some missionaries are SO dry that IS
sHHu.d presume the heather would have}
Co., grua EN- mp with q mortar and pestIe{
before lEey could EetmUcl good outof en-
Uncle Bob had "a dog once that IooEed}
almost exactly like a sausage mill nu.-j
there was more hair on nim. Uncle Bob}
'....H N.tA r Hla IrI. not on account OF
I'D. strength on his bark but b.cuz one
time when lady iSSiDHary came Go tha}
E1Es. Co collect money for the uS.fI5
heather Bee bitter That dogs auecd5r.}
VAS only about three inches I0uE-a0}
aH0.l1ta u.s. q short ami funny tale Oura}
there was "a lady missionary that wasf
fr0F7t"d hT sang of savage hriga-(
Hers. and them brig8diers sw0re If fbis}
1lltry lldut pay em 90 hundred thuu-}
sand dollars they'd marry her. and tbis}
country just dared .em to-
AN women like missionaries. but old
maids are especially fond Of 'em-so ares
1r heather. The former want 10 marrv}
en-, and the latter want to boil en-. sos
Boz unfortunate missionaries nave got bot}
dter coming 90 em. either way of fbc}
10th. 10 / never knew another thine as}
.ug as / lived I'd be- powerful sure I
nan want 60 be- missionary. TncIa{
SOD says the best way o. prevent rha}
iI1eu from Staying the missionaries I'm
"Tu lands o. for US To sIav en- here as -.
"he- Tie also says that if he ever ilt
6.eles me lHviIs social aspirations ORR
f-lliu- Oh become a missionary ba'il5 .r
aad.1 me with % board with "A SQUARE ho1e az
% il-lHl }oE know bow tina is Yourself
square hole raises "a blister ever, rIa+, go
or This Is an know about women .fusf on
G present ''-' t