The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1902-03-26
own poetry in it, you know"
But she isn't a mother"
emo, of course not. But she was
an infant"

du lnlaul.'
A negro man went into Mr.. E-'s
office for the purpose of instltuting a
divorce against his wife. Mr.. E.
proceeded to question him as to his
grounds for complaint. Noticing that
the mans voice failed him, Mr.. E
looked up from his papers, and saw
that big tears were running down over
the cheeks of the applicant for divorce.
Why" said the lawyer, 'tyou seem
to care a great deal for your wife. Did
you love her?"
"Love her, sir9 / jest analysed
herl"
This was more than professional
dignity could Withstand, and Mr.. F.
laughed until the negro, offended,
carried his case elsewhere.
He had been out slaughtering deer,
and when he returned naturally hls
friends expected a good hunting story,
especially so because he was known to
have a masterily imagination.
"Hello, JONES'" chorused several
when they net him on the street the
night that he returned; "dld you have
much luck this time 2"
"You bec," he answered, just as
they expected.
elbow many deer did you kill on
your trip" asked one.
"Ninety.n ine," he replied, soberly.
"Ninety-nine2" queried another, in
credulously. Why didn't you make
it hundred2"
"Sir !" he said In a voice that scared
them, edo you think 1 would tell a
blankety-blank lie about one deer2"
The bridge builder with Stoncwall
Jackson's army was a rare character,
if the following stoly be true:
The Union soldiers, %retreating from
the valley of Virginia, burned a bridge
over the Shenandoah.
Jackson, who wanted to pursue, sen
for his old bridge builder.
"Sir," he said, "you must keep
men at work all day and all night, and
finish that bridge by tomorrow morn
ing. My engineer shall give you a
plan"
Old Miles salutcd and withdrew.
Early the next morning the general
sent lOr Mics again.
"Wtll, sir" said Jackson, did the
engineer give you the plan for he
bridge 2"
"General,' said the old man, slowly,
" the bridge is done; / don't know
whether the picture is or not"
Tho provincial barber remarked the
sparsity Of his customers hair. "Have
you eve tried our special hair wash2"
he said, expectantly.
ooh, no, it wasn't that that did it,"
was the customers crushing reply
Tlt.Bits.
A musician, brought to depair by
the poor playing of a lady in a room
above his own, meets her one day in
the hall with her ihree-year-old child,
and says, in q most friendly manner;
"Your little n plays quite well for
her age. 1 hear her practice every
day."-Tit-Bits.
One of the best ways to illustrate
the peculiar quality Of American hume
seems to be to contrast it with some
peculiar quality of denseness in the
British or the Teutonic mind. A good
example is the story about a German
who claimed that he had the real New
England sense of humor. His Ameri-
a friend thereupon asked: Odd
you ever hear the joke about the guide
in Rome who showed some travellers
two skulls of Saint Iaul, one as "a boy
and the other as a MANI" "No," said
The German, beginning to anticipate n
good story. "Tell me at once mein
friend, dat joke"
Yes, they coaxed the girl from
Boston to hang up her stocking"
"Well?"
well, somebody put n of those
long striped candy in it,"
yes"
"And there wasn't room for any
thing else."
Little Wipie was given q beautiful
live white rabbit for a Christmas pr
sent, and 1t naturally attracted more of