Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1902-09-10
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In her lovers arms woman weighs
but feather; in her husbands, a ton
Life.
Teacher-".rell me, Bobby, what are
the two things necessary for baptism?"
Bobby-"Water and baby, ma'am."-
Tit-Bits.
Well Connected.-De Style-"You
say she has good family connections3'
Gunbusta-"Yes; she operates Mob
Hill switchbDard."-Ex.
"What do you expect to be when you
become of age, my little MANI" asked
the visitor. "Twenty-one, sir" was the
bright ones reply.-Yonkers States.
man.
Patience-And she married that book
agent, did she? Patrice-Yes. The
one who talked SO much?" "The same
She married to reform him."-Yonkers
Statesman.
In Need Of Treatment-He says he
fell in love with her at first sight"
Perhaps can be of service to him.
know first-class oculist."-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Il saw johnson going home with my
new book under his arm" Eyes. Just
built him house and his wife wanted
some bric-a-brac In red and gold to
scatter around"
"Oh! Mr.. PORTER, doesn't that train
stop here?" said an old lady. as the e1-
press dashed through the station. "No,
num-" said the porter. blandly; ut
don't even hesitate"
Couldn't Get Within Range.-"One Of
these guns can throw projectile six.
teen miles," ut wouldn't do me any
good. My mother-in-law lives thirty
miles from here."-New York Sun.
Mae-I got even with Bessie for
snubbing me. Ethel-What did you do?
Mae-I told that young man who calls
on her that she used to be the best de-
batter in her class at school.-New York
Sun.
Shell know some couples that quar-
relied good deal at first. but got along
pretty well later on. He-Oh, yesl
Some people take matrlmony like rheu-
matism-they get so they don't COM
plain much.-Puck.
Pretty Loud.-'This necktie," said
the salesman, speaks for ITSELF"
Speaks for itself?" repeated the Gus.
toner, MS he took in the loudness of the
design; 81 say that it positively yells!"
Baltimore Herald.
Loglcal-Pat-"Pfwa TIL raison
Clancy do be afther havin' tin we'd
din, OF wonder?" Mike-"Faith, an
It's because he's been married to his
ould woman tin years, Dim thinkin'."-
Chicago Daily News.
Newitt-The man who can't take
little good advice has nobody to btume'
| for his trouble but himself. Sharpe
oh, don't know. he's usually burden.
ed with lot Of friends who can't give
it.-Phlladelphia> Press.
Whispered.-"Say, old man, what is
a summer girl?'" IA summer girl Is
q rack to stretch shirt waists on; inside
is a receptacle for lobster salad and Ice
cream, while outside is an attachment
for diamond rings."-Life.
she-And you say you can tell by the
stars II lie loves you? Why, didn't
know that you ever scanned the skieg.
Belief don't; but scan his love lett
tiers. He is one of those fellows that
marks star for every kiss.
Mrs. Rubba-"l suppose that when
you get out you will be a better man?"
Second Story Stevc-"Oh, yes, mum.
I'm rapidly masterin' de finer p'ints. an
expect ter go in fer bank robbin' Wen
gifts out!-Chicago Daily News.
Rarely Industrlous.-"How is Ann
Matilda making out as postmistrcss at
Elm Crossroads?" Getting along fine.
To-day she read twenty postals, held
nine letters up to the light and opened
four apers."-Chicago News.
A woman who is spending the sum-
mer In Pennsylvania writes of sign
displayed in the window of small shop
In the village nearest her. 1t reads:
"For Sale - Secondhand furniture,
teeth, and cc."-Washington Post.
Rill-"Talk about Observation-Disclosures
pieces, woww Jill-"Is it," Bill-"You
bet! Why, there are seven men killed
just after the curtain goes up" jill
"Shot| Bill-"No: the star comes in
on an automoblew-Yonk States.
man.
81 think" said the historical novel
list, ''that shall not put any history
into my next book" "Oh, Pcrcval."
his wife said, II was SO in hopes that
YOU would make your next book differ
ent from your others. "-Chicago Rec
ord Herald. :.
What is the original idea in this
novel Of yours!" asked the publisher.
MY hero and heroine hate each other
so heartily" said the long-haired and
wistful-eyed young author, that they
marry for revenge, and make each 9TH
err miserable for life. "-lndianapolis
News.
Cassidy-Kearney seems to be dom
pretty well in his prisint job. Casey
All! but he'll not lasht long in It. Cas-
sidy-He seems dacint an sober now.
Casey-Aye! but he'll not lasht
month. Owe said SO liver since he got
the job two years ago. an ORR bet
Dim right.-Philadelp Press.
Briggs-I've got great idea. Pin
going to invent an open street chr in
which all the seats are end seats.
GrIggs-Don't you DC 1t. II would be
dead failure. 1t is the squeezed aud
sweltering people In the middle who
make the end seats so leiightful.-B
tou Transcript.
Cattle Are Not Natives
In an Introduction to recent bulle-
tin on American breeds of beef cattle
the broad statement is made tlat prior