davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05

BE BROUGHT HIS SWORD DOWN AyD
LU.ZGED AP THE CAT.
the tip Of his war weapon 60 clank.
elenk. clank! 1t was still clarkins
when she innocently asked:
You are not going to use that to
split kindlings with this winter. are
you:"
IF you don't know the difference be-
tween sworG and an AK. you'd bet
ter learn" be replied as he came to n
halt.
But it's so funny for you to lug
home an old rusty sword. Is it to jab
cats WITH"
He gave her look Of mingled pity
and disdain as he unbuckled the sword
and hung it on the hall tree. and no
moro was said about the matter until
after dinner. Then his military bear
ing became so noticeable that even the
cat remarked it. and Mrs. Bowser could
no longer restrain her curiosity.
You must have got that sword for
something's she quered as he brought
his heels together and Strengthened up.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05

"Ah. You are interested, are you?
Yes. there is an inscription. 1t is in
Latin. Ne cede malls ne eXeat memo
repute' In plain English it means.
When you have found a hero, give
him this sword"
"And how did you come by it:'
"a committee Of the national guard
waited on me 1T the office this after
noon and handed it TO me. They want
me to be colonel Of the regiment. and
l have promised to take the place. l
shall order my uniform tomorrow. and
when you see how soldierly I look
hope you will be proud Of me. You can
hardly understand the full significance
Of the honor at the first go Off"
And this committee-did You invite
them out to drink she asked.
Certainly"
"And they drank at your expense
four or five times. didn't they"
Perhaps they did. But what OF it?'
Nothing. except that it looks to me
as If they werc after drinks"
Woman. haven't you got the sense
Of q chickadee" stormed Mr.. BowSer.
DO you think everybody takes me for
q fool? l suppose If the butcher came
here this evening and asked me to buy
n pair of ducks you'd try to make out
that he took me for an IDIOT
But you have never been a soldier
she persisted. and why should they
make you colonel over all the others"
why should they? For fifty differ
ent reasons. none Of which need be
stated to q blockhead Of wife. Mad
am. you will oblige me very much II
you will retire to yeur own room. l
rather expect another call from the
committee"
AND more drinks" she observed as
she rose up to 20.
MIR. Bowscr glared at her as long as
she was In sight and then glarcd at the
cat until the feline crcpt under the
lounge, and he was about TO do little
sword exercise when the doorbell rang.
He thought it was the committee. but
1t wasn't It was his neighbor Brown.
and rs soon as Brown saw the sword
he asked:
What on earth are you doing with
that old toad sticker:'
"Oh. it was presented to me today"
modestly replied Mr.. Bowser. Perhaps
you can read that Latin inscription"
Brown received the blade and work
ed away at the Latin for moment and
then translated. "He is the prize ass
who wears this sword"
What do You mean. slr?" demanded
Colopel Bowser.
That's what the inscription reads
81 deny it."
"But it's so, Rowser They've put up
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
MO BENEFIT EROAg DOCTORS.

uFor about one year and half my face was
very badly broken OUT writes Miss Carrie
Adams, of I16 West Main Street. Battlecreek
Michigan. 81 speat great deal OF money with nth
doctors and for different kinds Of medicine, but
received no benefit. At last read one of your
advertisements in paper, and obtained bottle
OF Doctor Pierccs Golden Medical Discovery
Before had taken one bottle Of this medicine
! noticed a change, and after taking three
bottles was entirely cured. can we.l clecom-
mend Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery to
any one similarly afflicted"
FREE. On receipt of stamps to defray
expense on mailing Only, we will send
Doctor Piercc's Common Sense Medical
Adviser, containing 1908 pages. This
book will prove a constant friend and
wise counselor to every lnau and woman.
It deals with the great and grave ques-
tious of human origin and reproduction
in plain English. Send 81 one cent
stamps for paper covers, or 81 stamps for
cloth binding. Address DR.. R Pierce,
Buffalo. n. Y.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05

how I Knocked 'em out around here
last campaign"
Sort of a bond OF sympathy between
you" said.
That's 1t. Abe-that's it. That is. l
thought there was. but darn my but.
tons if it turned out that way. lie
never paid the slightest attention to my
letter"
You don't mean it"'
But do. and it had In haste on the
envelope too No. sir. never paid the
least attention. and Jim Cooper IS
around spelling cat with two is and
declaring that the Ohio river empties
into the Hudson at Albany. The iron
has struck home. Abe"
But a letter may come later" said.
'Tt will never come. I'm thrown
man. and it's no use making excuses.
All my blood has been shed for moth
ing. Even If letter did come now it
would be too late I've let it be known
that I've bolted the party and intend
to flop the state with me. Jim Cooper
can run his Ohio river. and be hanged
to him, but when this government is
busted to smash and calling upon the
patriots to rally won't be there"
"T'm sorry. Uncle Abner-mighty
sorry"
"Well, am and I amt" he replied
as he followed me down to the gate.
"J'm sorry TO see this American nation
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
You Can SCRATCH

Out the blot which dehles the clean.
white page of ledger, but you can't
scratch out the poisons that delle the
blood. It seems rather that You scratch
them in, and the irritation grows worse
with each new attempt to relieve it.
There is only one thing tc do in ssch
case, and that is to entirely cleanse the
blood from, the injecting poison.
People who have suffered from dis
eases caused by impure blood, or blood
poisoning, have found in DR.. PieTce's
Golden Medical Discovery certain and
enduring cure. Lotions and liniments
NAV alleviate, but they cannot cure.
The disease is in the blood, and the cure
must be in the blood also. Golden
Medical Discovery" eradicates from the
blood the impurities and poisons which
breed and feed disease 1t increases the
activity of the blood-n1aking glands, and
50 increases the supply of pure. rlcii
blood, which, nourishing each organ.
builds up the whole body in health and
strength.
The cares effected by uGoldeu Medical
Discovery are positive and permanent.
In many cases of disease, such as eczema,
letter, pirples, eruptions and rheuula-
tisn, an effectual cure has been found IN
DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery.
after all other medicines and means had
failed to help or heal.
Sometimes dealer tempted by the
larger profits paid by less meritorious
medicines will offer the customer sub
stitute in place of vGoldcn Medical Dis
covery" claiming that he knows it to be
ujust as good" There is nothing gained
by trading one thing for another which
is only tt Just as good, There is every
thing to risk in trading the Discovery"
with worlds record Of cures for sub
stitute with nothing but the unsupported
claim of an interested dealer behind it.
If YOU are sick You want to be cured:
That's why you want Golden Medical
Discovery" and nothing else.
There is no slcohol in the "Discov-
ery," and it is entirely free from opium,
cocaine. and al, other narcotics.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
SUFFERED HORRORS.

william Floeter, Esq, Of Redoak, Montgorn-
erv Co. Iowa. writes ~I consider Your Golden
Medical Discovery one of the best medicines on
the face of the earth. While i'll the southwest,
three years ago. got poisoned with poison
;vy, The poison settled in my blood and the
horrors l suffered cannot be told in words:
thought would go crazy. could do nothing
but Scratch. would go to sleep scratching:
would wake up in the morning and ind myself
il not been for Golden Medical Discovery I
would be scratching vet. I tried different kinds
of medicine tried different doctors. but all the
relief they could give me was to make my
pockct-booL; lighter.
III then began taking DR.. Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery. Took ioar bottles without
any relief Kept OH taking it. took in al!
ten bottles ard got entirely cured. can say
that if ;,eople would take YOUR medicine instead
of fooling with some of the quacks that infest
the small and larger towns, disease would fee
like chaff before the wind
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
A Raging, Roaring Flood

Washed down a telegraph line
which Chas. G. Ellie, of Lisbon, la
had to repair. "StapdiDg waist deep
in icy water" be writes, ''gaVe me a
terrible cold and cough. 1t grew
worse daily. Finally the best doc
tors in Oakland, Neb., Sioux City and
Omaha said had Consumption and
could not live. Then I began using
D,. Kings New Discovery and was
wholly cured by six bottles" Posi-
lively guaranteed for Coughs, Colds
and all Throat and Lung troubles by
]. E. kaufmarn. Price soc.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
Rut lie DiGn't.

"GcntlcmcD,' said the man on
crutchcs as he got into the street car
with great ditfic rlty and sat down with
sigh, 1T may We that some Of yon
went to the country for vacation last
summer
Il did" answered three different
men in chorus.
perhaps you saw n bull in field"
"We did
"And you wondered II he was alive"
I'VE knew he was"
"Yes, but I didn't. I got over the
lance to see. 1t turned out that he was,
AID the result is before you-two
months gone by. and | shall have TO
use these crutches for at least another.
Gentlemen. take no chances. He is
always alive and loaded and ready"
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
The Last Heard Of It.

MY little boy. took the Group one
night and soon grew so bad !or
could hear him breathe sll over Il Q
house; says F. D. Reynolds, Mans
field, O. I'VE feared be would die,
but q few doses of One Minute
Cough Cure quickly relieved him and
he went to sleep. That's the last We
heard of the Group. Now isn't q
cough cure like that valuable?" One
Minute Cough Cure is absolutely
safe and acts Immediately. For
coughs, colds, Group, grip, BIO c1itis
and all other throat and lung tror-
bles it is a certain cure. Very pleas
ant to take. The little ones like it.
J. z kaufmnnn.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
Georgia Nuggets.

Eff you wants ter make 4 man feel
satisfied wid dis worl. des tell i'm dat
his times up, en- he gwine ter de next.
Furrin missions is all right. but hit
makes folks feel funny ter see a heath
en- in beaver hat On a fur overcoat
whilst we gwine roun' in hickory
stripe shirt.
Some folks wants all de gold what
you kin dig fer 'em. but when it comes
ter diggin' it deyse'f dey gifts q certii-
cate fun de doctor sayin' dat what dey
needs is res'-Atlanta Constitution.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05

I take great pleasure in giving the
very highest testimonial to DR.
Bakers Blood and Liver Cure. !
used it in 1895 Infammatory Rbeu-
matism. I was severely afflicted
with the disease and tried my family
physician, in addition to various
remedies, without effect. procured
some of the above medicine. and be-.
fore using a bottle of it I could walk
without my crutches, and by the
time I had used a bottle and a half,
I felt entirely well, and have not
euf>red any since. I cheerfully re-
commend it. and believe it will do
ali it's projectors claim for it.
Respectfully,
E O. MastiD,
Deputy Collector Of Wilkes
County, y. c.. Feo %. 1898
For sale at the 3 zz2r.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05

TON, THE WIDOW BAKER IS MIGHTY
NICE WOMAN.
showed back hundred years and an
archy and despair covering the land
like boss blanket. but I'm glad that
I've got grit enough to fight back when
I'm knocked over. Goodby. Abe. There
won't be any postoffices to run or mail
to deliver after about three months,
but If you can split rails or grub out
stumps come to me when the bustup
takes place"
l had no mail on that trip for the
Widow Baker. but She stopped me as
l was driving past to say:
"Abe, you are the same as two peo-
pie, amt you:'
eyes. you might put it that way
said l. "In one case represent the
American nation and am sworn to up
hold the sacred constitution and the
starry banner. and in the other I'm
plain Abe Scott and don't amount to
much in any line. Do you want my
advice about anything"
81 do"
'.Is it anything about postal mat
ters?"
"No: want your private advice.
You know Tom Shevlin. Of course"
Somewhat: good natured, but lazy
eyes. but be asked me to marry him
more'n three months ago. l said 1
would. and I'm willing to. but
eSpeak right out. Widow Baker"
"I-I think he's clawins OF. That is.
I've heard that be was shining up to
Lucinda Tillotson."
And cooling off on the marriage
question with you:'
"Yes. Now. Abe. tell me what to 90.
If he no longer loves me and does not
wish to marry me. Why
"stop right there" said 1. "He has
told his love and asked for your lily
white hand. and he's old enough to
know what be wants. II he isn't. We'll
see about it, Is he working for John
Shayne yet:'
Eyes"
'.Then you needn't do any more wor-
rying. You just 20 in and tiI up to look
as pretty as you can. aud II he shows
up this afternoon treat hi.a nicely
"But what are you going TO do. Abe:
Never you mind. Goodby and goo"
luck"
found Tom working in 4 field a!on@
the road. and wlen called him to tie
fence sa:d:
tom. the Widow Baker is mighty
nice woman"
''Shc is" replied Tom.
"But she's got redhot temper
eyes. guess so.'
"And as l came along she was load
ing 4 double barreled gun with bucN-
shot"
"W-what for:" asked Tom as the
red went out Of his face.
Dunno, but il had asked licr to
marry me and was putting off the
happy day and making fool OF my
self
He didn't wait to hear any more. but
started up the road for the widows on
the keen jump, and as looked after
him his cap blew of, and he nevr:
stopped to pick it up. NJ. QUAD.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
BOWSER'S NEW TITLE
tE is DUBBED COLONEL BY A CON-
MITTEE OF NATIONAL GUAROSMEN.

Is Cutie Proud Until BIS SeiEhbor
Brown Tells thc Correct Meaning
of an Inscription on q Sword Pre-
kcntcd to Him.
copyright, 1901. BY c. 3. Lcwis.l
There was a martial tread on the
walk in front Of the Bowser mansion
the ether evening. gallant charge
upon the steps. and Mr.. Bowser un-
locked and threw open the front door
to exhibit himself with sword buc-
kled around his waist. AS Mrs. Bow
ser received him with astonishment he
paraded up and down the hall and let
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
This must be one
OF them Sweatshops
I've heard so much
a bout" Chicago
News.
Sufficient Reason.

"Thc trouble with me-" remarked the
man in the macintosh. when it comes
to making speeches. is that i can't
think on my feet
Il don't wonder" observed the man
in the imitation sealskin cap. looking
at their ample proportions. I'D be aw-
fully embarrassed myself with pair
of feet like that."-Chicago Tribune.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
The Lexington Dispatch.
Wednesday, February 5, 1902.
"DECLiNEp WITH THANKS.

OF all the woes a poet bears
(And they are not fe%l.
OF all his troubles and his cares.
His fits of feeling blue.
The phrase, Respectfully declined
with thanks beats all the pack,
And he has troubles on his mind
What time his stuff comes back.
All, YES. there's trouble on his mind
That few can understand,
Except the fellows of his kind.
Far scattered through the land.
They know what fills his life with woe
And paints the future black.
For they have often felt jus. so
When their own stuff came back.
Full Oft at peace with all the earth
The bard awakes at morn;
His heart is filled with jocund nirth.
No grief he feels or scorn.
But comes a ring, the postman' there
With letter laden pack.
And, oh. the poets deep despair.
He gets his poems back.
How proudly does he feel when he
Has labored hard and made
Some verse for which he hopes TO be
Quite handsomely repaid.
How thrills he when he sends II on.
But. bitter blow. alack.
How nadly does he rail and scon
When. catlike. it comes back.
Don't talk Of other peoples woes:
Not one OF them compares
With what the struggling poet knows
And grimly srins and bears
Let fate set everything amiss
From now ill doomsday's crack;
There is no grief as great as this
To get his poems back.
Perhaps beyond the pearly gates.
Where bards (and saints> abound
And where no fiend Of usual rates.
No editor. Is found:
In bliss he will forget the pain
That keeps him on the rack.
And, best of all. he'll ne'er again
Receive hts poems back.
Oh. you, to whom these lines are sent
Oh. man Of shears and paste.
In vain the time on them I've spent
II made not 10 your taste!
They may be linpy here and there,
And something may be lack:
Yet kindly heed the poets pray'r.
And do not send them back.
Life
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05


and How widow Bakers Lover
Ceased Making Il Fool OF Himself.
copyright. 1901, by c. E. Lewis.1
AS / got along to Farmer Abner
Jackson's on my route the other day
he asked me in to take drink Of hot
cider and eat q couple Of fried cakes.
aud had scarcely got seated when be
began:
".Abe. expect you've heard about
my boiling the ticket and leaving the
party"
NO; haven't heard word.' said l.
But it must be known all over the
county by this time. Yes, sir. I've got
through with this administration. and
II the government topples down they
mustn't blame me for it. predict an
awful smash in lcss'n a year. but l
wash my hands Of It,
Whats the matter, Uncle Abner"
"1've been thrown down, Abe
thrown hard. You know we've had
trouble in this school district. Jim
Cooper has beea bossing things till he's
broke 'em all up. Jim's good man
with hoe or pitchfork. but he don't
know no more about reading and spell
ing than Hottentot. He's no man to
boss schools, and he knows 1t. but he's
Just that blamed mulish that he will
stick 1t out. Everybody wants him
cut and me in, but be won't resign"
WELL"
"Well, I've been shedding my blood
for the party for the last twenty years.
and thought the party might shed Il
few drops for me. l wrote to the prcs;-
dent two weeks ago and told him just
how things was-that this state would
take 4 !lop next lection if 8 i'm Cooper
didn't get out Roosevelt las hunted
wildcats, and 50 have I. He has caught
sharks, and I have caught suckers.
I1c'S cr.at On the speak. and YOU know
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
If w1S Time.

Don't you think it is time we were
sending Willie to Sunday SCHOOL,
Il dol most certainly do. Why. he
asked me this morning if didn't think
that story about Jonah swallowing 4
whale was q little fShy."-Denver
Times.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
Was Idle.

care you working-have you any en-
sasement now:" asked the elastic skin
man Of the living skeleton.
No" replied the other freak: Il am
what is known as an idle curiosity"
Youths Companion.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
Money to Loan

ON FARMING LANDS. LONG TIBE.
" Easy payment. No com mission. Boz
rover pays actual cost of per1ecting Loan.
z. &. PALMER,
Central National Bank Building.
COLUMBIA, s.
COL. G. r. GRAHAM,
Lexington, S. c.
July lS-1y.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
Professional Rrevity.

Complaining Camel-Doctor. what
makes my back ache so?
DR.. Misunderstanding it Two dollars.
pleaSe.-Brooklyn Eagle.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
Experiment.

Experiment.
ing.
They caught
the little one
punching the
b a by in the
stomach.
''W hat are
you doing% de-
manded h er
NlOCQef.
"Jes' wanted
to see if it
worked t h e
same way that
my cryin' doll
does" was the
reply as she
gave the baby
q jab that made
it howl. They
are all alike,
amt they:'-
Chicago Post.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05

You can never make woman un-
1erstand that it isn't cold -blooded
for her husband to insure her life.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
Money to Loan.

WE ARE PREPARED TO NEGOTI-
w ate loans promptly on improved
real estate in Lexington county at per
cent. interest. commissions. Borrow
er pays actual expenses Of preparation OF
papers.
THOMAS & GIBBES.
Attorneys at Law,
Columbia, s. c.
November l3. 9mos.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1902-02-05
HONEST ABE, I. S. NJ.
HE HEARS THE USUAL SUPPLY Or
GOSSIP WHILE ON HIS DAILY TRIP.

Tells Why Farmer Abner Jackson
Went Back on tho Administration
and How widow Bakers Lover
ceaxed Making Il Fool Of Himself.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-11-06

Several winters of decentralization
from smallpox epidemics says a
Northern Michigan exchange has at
least aroused the lumbermen to the
necessity of adopting preventative
measures against the disease. This
year stringent rules have been deter
mined upon which it is believed will
be effective in preventing the disease
from spreading. 1t is required that
the men be vaccinated before being
hired; that each camp have some
isolated building or double walled tent
in which to take care of the contagi-
Gus cases; that all camps where small
poX has existed be thoroughly disin-
fected' and that all persons operating
camps withhold money due from
wages from employees who may be i'll
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-11-06

The plan of the Post Check Curren-
cy bill is to make money of small de-
nominations, payable to order at any
postoflice. All classes of people send.
ing money by mail are interested in
il. 1t saves time, is convenient, less.
ems the expense and guarantees an
absolutely safe way for the transmits.
sion of small sums by mail. The plan
is practicable and has been endorsed
by many of the best newspaper men
1t is applicable to the farmer on the
rural mail route, the merchant in the
country and city, the publisher and
manufacturer i'm all sections. The
idea is simply an evidence of the spir,
it of evolution characteristic of the
American people 1t should become
a law and be made part of our per.
tect commercial system.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-11-06

Anthracite coal movements 10 the
end OF September this year are re-
ported as amounting to 10, $40, 1863
tons, compared with 40,224, 426 tons in
1901 and 4,2O2, 10 tons in 1900. Out
of 23,ll5,097 tons of coal originating
on the Pennsylvania lines east of
Pittsburg and Erie, to September q
of this year, L6l9, 406 we're anthracite,
compared with ABB, 1872 tons last year;
Is, 232, 1874 tons were bituminous COM
pared with 1851 ,62S tons last year;
and 7,263,497 tons were coke, compar-
ed with 6,0l7, ST. tons last year. For
the five months ending with August
this year, the Baltimore and Ohio
coal and coke movement amounted to
7,O55,253 tons, and for the eight
months TO the end of August, l4,0S5,-
6l2 tons. The Norfolk and Western
coal and coke shipments reached t.
$50, 953 tons for seven months ending
with July and 4,lO2,095 tons for the
corresponding period of 1901.