The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-09-13
HUMOROUS

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Three knots an hour isn't such bad
time for a clergyman" smilingly said
! the minister to himself, just after he
had united the third couple.-Tit-Bits.
Really, Louise, this bill is outrag-
eous. You mustn't try to dress like
! these millionaires' wives!" My dear
! Ned control yourself. I'm only trying
to appear as well dressed as the shop
girls. Life.
Wide: Papa, what is the differenceT
between the Smart Set and the Four7f
Hundred?' why, my son, the -Four
Hundred is limited to two thousand six
hundred, but everybody is in the Smart
SEEK
In disguise: MRS. Stubb-"This is
strange, John. 1 thought the people on
this block were immensely wealthy, and
now 1 find them sitting around in
patched clothing" Mr.. Stubb-"Thats
nothing, Maria; they are expecting the
tax assessor. - nicago Daily News.
Tourist (after unusually long stop
| page at small border station)-'I say,
guard, why aren't we going on? Any
! thing wrong?" Guaro (who is peaceful
ly taking his lunch)-"There naething
wrong, sir, but l Gamma whustle the
moo; ma mouths fu' O. biscuitsI'-Tit-
Bits.
Study in Crime: "Dey ain no use
talkin'," said Charcoal Eph, as he sur
veyed his prisoner, "w'en All sees er
man on his knees in front OBJ my chick
en- coop 1 monty well know he ain out
dar holdin' no prayah meetin' Call de
police, Mistah Jackson. Baltimore
News.
1t was Maysville negro preacher
, who, needing the money, said: "Breth-
rem, we will now staht de box, an TO
F., de glory oh heaven, which ebber OBJ you
stole Mr.. Jones's turkey will please not
put anything in hit" And every man
in the congregation contributed.-Kan-
sas City Star.
| THAT Mrs Wadhams to whom you
! introduced me the other evening re-
minds me very much of a portrait by
Rembrandt rs that so? Which one?"
| "Oh, any old one. They all look, when
you get close to them, as if the paint
had been thrown on by the handful
Chicago Times-Herald.
Thoroughbred Sport: Blizzer-"I just
heard that Bilgewater jumped out of
his yacht yesterday and was drowned"
Understanding Did he do it with
suicidal intent?' Blizzer-"Oh, no: he
was racing and did it to tighten his
boat, and thereby win the race
Chicago State Journal.
Our political situation" complains
the first citizen, lis scandalous. 1 be-
lieve there is niger in the wood-pile
somewhere" That may very well be.
answers the second citizen, mo doubt
the colored gentleman is waiting for a
job embarrassing as soon as an in
vestigation is had."-Judge.
Relative Importance: "And you real
ly think that the political boss of your
party is a greater man than Henry
Clay!' Well answered the candi-
date, Il won't exactly say he's greater.
But ne has a great deal more influence
with the people with whom 1 am do
ing business at present. w ashington
Star.
1t is an odd circumstance that Messrs.
Cook & Son, the managers of globe
trotters. should have the contract to
collect the Russian prisoners of war
from South Africa, St Helena and Ber-
muda, who were captured by the Brit
ish during the war with the Beers, ana
return them to their own country. Inc
Car pays the freight. To set out as
warriors and return as Cooks tourists
/ that is & melancholy erd to a roman
tic UNDERSTANDABLE Republican.