The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-08-24
POOLING WITH NATURE.
Two Farmers Who Brought on Cy-
clones and Mixed Things Up.

A~AA~AsO A4AN~A CNNdAA-y
There never was a more pergres-
sive critter lived than my uncle, old
JabeZ Boneset." remarked Farmer
Ezra Baler to the corner grocery con-
vention. Nary a new thing got a
past Uncle Jabe. He'd have a filter
at il whether it was a flynn machine
or the latest wrinkle in the higher
criticism.
Every time a new fool squared the
circle Uncle Jabe'd get TO work figurin'
how he could turn his ten-acre lot into
a race track and not leave no corners
hangin' over; and he hadn't more'n
read about appendicitis when he got
a pain under his s'pender buckle that
couldn't give way till he took il to the
city hospital fer a operation
They had the old boys appendix
hangin' on the line next day Want
nothin' wrong with it. but Uncle Jabe
said he was better off without it any
way Twas only extra weight he
said. an some day a wanderin' germ
would have crawled into it an then
it'd have been all day with Uncle
Jabe.
ACROSS the valley from Uncle Jabe
lived old 81 Beetle. ST was about a
hundred, more or less, but he was a
lively old bird. An UP TO date2 Why.
old 81 was so up to date he used to
take IN a daily neWSpa per
He was the only man in BuckaIoo
county could keep in sight of Uncle
Jabez Boneset for pergressiyeness-
Mostly it was a pretty tight race be
tween EN- If one got ahead Of the
tother any way. the beaten one'd stink
aroun' like a licked cur till he could
get even.
Why. after Uncle Jabez put a in
keel into his twelve-foOt, fat-bottem
rowboat that he speared eel from. old
81 lost ten pound Of weight And il
just sent Uncle Jabe to his bed when
81 had one O. them yellow fever mos
quitoes sent him from Cuby, an kept
the critter in a box fer the neighbOrs
to look at
''HOnOrs had been pretty easy up 10
last summer. Then Uncle Jabe got a
pamphlet in the mails that made him
skip like cat in a catnip bed. It was
from the United States agricultural de-
partment and told about bringin' rain
by shootin' CT a new-fangIed cannon.
This cannon was a kind of sta
tiOnary blunderbuss- You pointed her
at the sky and filed her up with pow
der and blazed away for a while, and
pretty soon the clouds would begin 10
! come up and there'd be q nice, hard
shower
Just what I've been Wantin,' says
Il
| victim he says I can make one o.
them things easy as fryin' lard out %
q pig He could, too, for he was real
handy about carpenterin' and such like
| IN make one today he says, an II
| this pernickety clear weather last IL
| load up tomorrow he says, an shoot
a shower out of the clear sky. Reckiu
| I'll surprise that old fOgy, 81 Beezle
| some
while he was buildin' his rain CUR
old 81 Beetle acrost' the valley was
purity busy. Some Teller had sent hin
a pamphlet on weather maxim Maybe
twas the same Teller that sent Uncle
I Jake his'n-
| 'Tennarate old Sis pamphlet de-
| scribed a cannon that folks in Italy
| had been usin' TO spoil hailstorms
| They planted their batteries toward
| where the storm was expected, an
| fired at the clouds until they just nat
/ uralIy busted and let down the rain OF
/ hail or whatever il was.
| suits me- says old 81 My grapes
| is doin' fine this nice. shiny weather
III Just set out a few OF them artii
| Iery over back on the west hill, an
| the next cloud that shows its nos,
! there III shoot the stuffin' out of IL
| Wonder what old Stick-in-the-m mud
| Jabez Boneset. II think Of that for Z
/ twentieth century notion he says.
There wasn't nothiu' small aboui
. his way Of doir' things. While he wal