River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1902-09-04

very full of business, them clouds
that ,Tabez witched up with his
weather guns, and before ST could
puncture 'em some of the rain and
hail fell on his grapes.
Not enough to do any harm,
though says ST. BY the Great Bob
Tailed Straddlebug,' says he-Si prid-
ed himself on his command of new
cuss words, whether diagonal,
straight or kitty-cornered-'that's a
grand invention, that cloud buster of
mine. I'll write letter to the Buck
aloo County Whooperloo,' he says,
in praise of the United States agger-
cultural department, right now. And
while I'm doin' it, he says, I'll watch
out for more storms, for that one
come up mighty quick
''Over on his hilltop Uncle Jabez
Boneset was mighty Disguised be-
cause the rainstorm he'd conjured up
never reached the hum plate. Natur-
ally, he heard Sis battery operatin',
but he didn't figure on tibet amount
in to anything.
"'Thet old perrynoyack,' says he,
usin' IA word which he'd just dug out
Of medical work, he's probably out
shootin' mosquitoes instead of poi
sonin' 'em to death with kay-rosene,
which is the progressive way. I'm
sorry for him. he says. Tomorrow
I'll git UP a rainstorm that'll discour-
age his shootin' and save him pow
| DER
$50 next day he loaded up and per-
duced an able-bodied cloud which 81
Beetle on his hill immejitly perfor-
ated. Uncle Jabez tried another. 81
made Il bull's-eye.
"Uncle Jabez banged out two
storms, northwest and southwest.
ST did double-barrelled trick and
both of 'em died inside the bound
aries.
'By this time the Boneset blood
was up and the Boneset suspicious
was reused. Uncle Jabez collected
all his ambition, started half d doz-
en- storms in their career Of de-
struction and finally landed one of
'em over the valley, while ST was
doin' target practice on the rest.
Thus it happened that Jabez's
sphere of infooence and Sis range
of action overIapped and their
weather guns crossed each others
paths.
"Now, you can monkey with ma
ture Just so far and then she breaks
loose and rips things, and what hap
pened this time was that the high
pressure and low pressure got ia
tally mixed, and one able-bodied cy-
clone started down Sis hill and met
another able-bodied cyclone from
Jabez's elevation.
"Bein' unable to remain behind ST
went along with his cyclone and ia
bez accompanied his. Talk about
pergessiveness! AS I said before
both of the old men was progressive.
but they never progressed thet fas
! before or since.
First thing either of 'em kne
! they was butin' heads like two old
rams in the bottom of the valley.
Then says Jabez Boneset to 81
Beetle:
"'Did you shoot up my storm"
"'Was tibet your storm?' says ST.
TT certainly was says Jabez. 4
brung it to help my melons, he
says. It's a twentieth century no
ton that you'll learn if you live ten
year more, maybe
cam you never took thought of
my grapes says ST.
"'An old fogy like you got no
business raisin grapes, says my
Uncle Jabez, unless he knows how
to perfect EN-
{" [ guess I can look after a grape
or two,' says ST, as long as I got
my storm-bustin' mortars. It's a
scientific novelty he says, that you
an Put-tolemmy an the rest of the
mummies amt onto yet
"'Then you done it, says Jabez,
very savage.
81 did, thet,' says 81, quite indie
pendent.
"I'H hand you corkscrew
punch says Jabez.
land I'll lam your solo Pegasus
till you couldn't tell it from a last
years tometter cam says ST.
|
first pair of cyclones was bad
enough, but they was summer
zephyrs compared with the article
that the combined fightin' powers
of my Uncle Jabez Boneset and old
ST Beetle turned out.
after half an hour of it Jabez
was lynn with his feet in the creek
and ST was Topped up against a tree.
"'Si,' says Jabez, are you licked?'
81 Dunno says ST. Are you?'
Ono says Jabez; but I'd hate to
be any nearer than [ am
$50 would T. says ST. Have you
got any good new, warranted pay
tent liniments that you could recon-
mendY
GIVE got 'em, plenty of EN- says
Jabez, but I couldn't recommend
'em. What I pine for is some good,
old-fashioned arnicky.'
"'And a nip of last century's
whisky says ST.
Fright you are says Jabez. old
things is best, as the pome has it.
This mad race for supremacy is
oettin' too fast for me- he says.
RIGHT here and now l climb down
off the automobeel an live the life
of self-respectin' an moss-covered
gravestone from now on he says
Same here, says ST, and they
shook hands on it amid the ruins OF
their conflicting storms.
"And from that day on" con