davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
LIGHTNING MAIL CHUTES.
Wonderful Invention Claimed by
Jersey City Man.

Chicago Tribune: Postmaster Gener-
from an electrical engineer of Jersey
City. who claims to have invented a
wonderful lightning mail carrier, which
will revolutioniZe the methods employ
ed in the carriage of domestic mails.
The electrical engineer is a German.
and the construction of his letter is al
most as wonderful as that Of his light
ming mail carrier; but he is enthusiast
tic and claims great things for his
scheme. The letter follows:
THE Postmaster General: Honor
able Sir: Here is an object invented
covered by the United States patent Of
flee for the inventor, which will rattle
the world if your eXcellency will please
give our favorable view of it, and by
which your eXcellency may earn dia-
monds of the globe.
What is this? The inventor is ar
electric German civil engineer and cleo
trician. He has invented to send let
ters and any kin6 of mail. etc, through
an underground pipe at the rate of 300
miles an hour and five to ten pounds
every minute, and all is done by cleo
trio motor force. Pneumatic is poor
against this system, and nothing can
compare with the new system | have in
vented.
Letters from me to you in the white
house will reach you in an hour. Think
Of that. The underground pipe repre-
sents the flying torpedo becoming hot.
It is the mail carrier for the next CEN
tury. Everything is experimental In
the city of Detroit, state Of Michigan.
- -Io-a A. .,,z&4-a - xrrorlytn~ Ar1Ar
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
THE ROAD TO DYSPEPSIA.
Giving to the Stomach More Work
Than 1t Should Have.

London Family Doctor: 1t requires
FIVE hours for the stomach to work on
an ordinary meal and pass it out OF IT.
self, when 1t falls into a state Of re-
pose. Hence, il a man eats three times
a day his stomach must work Is hours
out of the "a. After a nights sleep we
wake up with a certain amount of bod
lily vigor which Is faithfully portioned
out to every muscle of the system and
every set of muscles, Zach its rightful
share, the stomach among others. When
the external body gets weary after q
long days work the stomach bears it's
share of the fatigue, but If when the
body is weary with the days toll we put
it to bed, giving the stomach mean
while a five hours task which must be
performed, we impose upon the very
best friend we have-the one that gives
us one OF the largest amounts OF earth
ly enjoyment-and II this overtaxing
Is continued 1t must as certainly wear
out prematurely as the body itself will
II 1t is ~overworked every day. And IL
persons eat between meals then the
stomach has no rest from breakfast in
the morning until /, 2. 8, or 4 o'clock
next day: hence 1t Is that 30 many per-
sons have dyspepsia. The stomach is
worked so much and so constantly that
1t becomes too weak to work at all.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

later, becomes in an instant a merciless
engine of destruction with which man
is utterly unable to cope. TO all in
tent and purposes he is a ton of agricul-
tural nitroglycerin and should be han
dled and cared for with as much eau
ton as this most unreliable and deadly
explosive. Good regulations count for
nothing with bulls. They should always
be out on parole, with the vigilant eye
of the authorities upon them. 1t is a
most wretched ending of a long and sue
cessful agricultural career to be hunted
to death by a bull on the farm one has
worked so hard and so long to develop
and improve.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
Surplus Bachelors.

The last census showed there were in
the whole country 5,427, 1877 bachelors,
against 3,224,404 spinsters-an excess of
6S per cent of bachelors over the un-
married women There was not any
state in the union hat did not have
more bachelors than single women,
even Massachusetts exhibiting a small
fractional overplus of unattached males
of manageable age. To account for this
situation of affairs 1t was explained that
the population of each state being pair
ed on by marriage evenly as between
the sexes only a relatively small frac-
ton of single persons old enough to
marry was left owe In most states the
male part of this fraction was much in
excess of the female part. And 1t must
also be remembered that women marry
much younger than men.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
No Such Book.

A friend writes and wants us to give
him the name of some book which will
tell him all about the new localities
of North America, their climate, prod
ucts, rainfall and all that, so that a
fellow can find out where to go to get
good cheap land. There is no such
book published, the makers of books
these days being given to the histori-
cal novel and love scrapping yarns. A
box which would impartially and fair
ly set forth the facts as to all the
parts of the country, giving full infor-
nation such as a seeker for a farm and
home would naturally desire, would be
in great demand in this restless, mi
gratory age of ours. What pamphlets
and books are issued are by interested
persons who are looking for suckers
and never give all the facts.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
Not LIN to 1882.

While prices for corn and its meat
products have ruled high of late, they
still do not yet touch the top notch fig
ures of 1882. In hat year beef reach
ed $3.50 and the average price for the
whole rear vas $6.25. while III touch
ed 81 cents in July and hat on a crop
considerably in excess of hat produced
in 1901. Hogs went up to 1886, and
the average price for the year was
$7.63. Present conditions would seem
to favor a still higher range of prices
on these products than now prevails
before a new crop is ready for market.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
Beware of the Bull.

One of those all to common trag-
edies where the old nan falls a victim
to the bull at the head of the herd,
comes under our notice this week, the
old man being run into a orner of a
barbed wire fence and jammed all to
pieces by the Infatuated brute. Not
the ugly dog in the neighbours yard. or
the smallpox. which drives a whole
community wild, or the dead gasoline
can, or the c%arnivorous corn shredder
OF the gun in the hands of the small
boy, is a thing to be SC much feared as
that quiet, logy brute in the %barnyard,
who is given by his owner a reputation
as immaculate as that of a presiding
elder. but who when the fit takes him.
as 1t 10 more than likely to do sooner or
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

lea, gittin' rich So he appointed me
as q jury. ter set on the case. an then
! thought NV Jack Bunsby' decidin' a
on two pints,' SO ] asker the Kaiser
if he couldn't rush the GROWER, an he
said he'd have me rushed u Nv the
Kingdom. an when / awoke I was
standin' on my head in the woodbox
while Helen was lightin' a candle ter
find out what was the matter. ! told
her twas no use, the Kaiser was goin'
ter do all the imaginin' that was ter
be done in Germany an the Christian
Scientists had better come home an
help some NV our 'nabobs' imagine that
there was royal blood in their VEINS
II s'pose | had something, cause
Helen's lookin' glum. like she always
does when she thinks I'm goin' daffy."
said Uncle Bill as he yawned and start
ed out the door headed for Shake Rag.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
cunA,s LAMENT

why ia you mock me. Sister Columbus
why did you tempt me here In my raga7
Why ala you come with your liberty
greetings
Why did YOU come with YOU saivos and
flags?
Was it for this your Captains came thun-
dpriug?
Was it for This that your brayest were
slain?
Was it for this that you Haunted the
Naming the hour of the scourser oc
Spain?
Brave thro' our faith in the North star OF
Freedom.
Boldly we steer'd thro' the storm and the
rack;
Say. shall we now. no light in the heavens.
Dismast'd and shattor'd, drift hope
lessly back2
once, in tho days of the fathers you
Came the dread question for men to
decide:
Fearless. they chose the station Of honor
Shall it a~bide-say, shall II abide
Sister, not ours is the bitterest burden,
Tho clothed in our rags and sunk in the
slime
Yours. in the splendor and might of your
plenty,
Yours is the stain and yours is the
crimei
Doom'd is the land and doom'd is the
people
Where Right unto Wealth bends the
servient knee
Speak then again to my sorrowing
children
Justice alone is the law of the freel
John Jerome Rooney in New York Times.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
Pianos and Hogs.

While waiting on a train to let a
westbound freight pass recently we
noticed two freight cars which follow
ed each other particularly. One was
loaded with hogs bound for Omaha and
one with pianos. This combination,
hogs and pianos, very fifty represents
the present condition Of western agri-
culture. the symphony of the hogyard
passing by a beautiful evolution into
the sonata and %nocturne of the piano
the old granger shoveling corn into the
hogyard while his daughter runs trills
and fantasies on the piano in the par
Tor, a clear case Of cause and effect.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

kingdom an kin imagine himself well,
how he's goin' ter prevent it has both
cred me so'st dream bout it"
Dream about it," exclaimed the
editor.
Yes stree, dream bout it," replied
Uncle Bill, why, only night before last
| dreamed me an Helen was travelin'
in Germany, an as I'm always in sym
pathy with the prosecuted, | thought
that | was tryin' ter convert the Kaiser
ter Christian Science. but | had a hard
job on my hands, cause he's been i'm
aginin' things all his life an gettin'
slipped up On them. | thought we got
quite friendly an chummy with each
other so'st we called each other Bill
an when two Bills git tergether some
thin's ter pagan | said. Bill, I'll tell
yer bout this Christian Science, there's
a heap in Imagination an he says,
Bill, Du Dist ferlcht, / didn't know
what he meant, but said, yes, guess
be- and he said didn't l imagine that
Admiral Won DIETRICH could scare
Dewey an I told him that Dewey
was no Christian Scientist, he was a
hard shell Baptist. cause he threw the
hard shell inter the Spanish an give
some on EN- a duckin'. an the Kaiser
was settin' on a meetin' house an |
said ter Helen, | wonder what he'll set
on next. An he said Didn't | mag
inc that | could make your country I'M
friendly with Uncle Ned, an now Alice
is goin' ter the coronation an | said,
oh, Alice is our queen, an yer can't
'checkmate' her. She's right in the
swim an don't need yer boat much,
cause she's no Christian Scientist. she's
a cowboys daughter, an | said There's
no use NV talkin', Bill, yer ter gosh
durn rough on the Scientists, sendin'
en- 'em IL NV yer realm an then he
started ter come down the ladder off NV
the church, he said, L s'pose l could
fall off an git down quicker, If | only
had faith hat 1t wouldn't hurt an
jest then a policeman come along with
n couple Nv Christian Scientists. what
they had arrested fur curin' a woman
NV wearin' wooden shoes, or goin bare
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
Compulsory Conversion.

Washington Evening Times: and
what" said the globe-trotter to the re-
formed cannibal, induced you to give
pu your former life?"
Indeed. sir replied the man with a
pious smile, sit must have been the di-
rect interposition of providence. | ate
q man one d~ay-quite a small man, he
was. too, and tender-and | had a most
horrible fit of indigestion. The man
was of a good character, he had his
credentials in his pockets, 80 you see
there could have been othing unwh ole
some in the meal"
HIM." said the globe-trotter.
Where was his home?"
I'm Russia. i
"Ah. that explains It," cried his inter
l%ocutor, joyfully. 1T was his name
which agreed with you, If you had only
removed the bristles you would have
been all right"
And this aroused in the heather so
strong a feeling of mor that he
Immediately ate the globe-trotter.
Moral-It Is not well to be too eager
to explain things.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
IN see by the papers that the Kaiser's

Il
tun up agin another advertising
lscheme,' said Uncle Bill, as he
pulled a sample of seed corn from
his pocket and handed it to the editor,
expecting a local notice in return.
What advertising scheme have you
reference?" asked the editor.
"Oh, he's takin' a crack at the Chris
tan Scientists now that the yacht eX-
element ceases to entertain him. He's
always got some new fad ter make the
papers keep him headlined most NV the
time" explained Uncle Bill.
Most people like to see their names
in print, whether prince or %pauper,"
remarked the editor.
Wall, | don't know as | blame him
fur it. only it's a leetle tough on Chris
tian Science, ter have the Kaiser set
down on them, but | s'pose they'll jest
imagine hat he didn't say enything,
an cant do e%nything, so they'll have no
trouble along that line, but it does
make 1t a leetle unpleasant fur a fell
ler's imagination, when a person like
the Kaiser goes ter settin' down on it"
said Uncle Bill, as he leaned back in
his chair and settled himself for a good
old-fashioned gossip about current
events.
Christian Science has received many
hard blows" unused the editor, but the
Kaiser's has been the most severe of
ALL"
Il cant git over thinkin' bout it,
continued Uncle Bill. IAN | don't see
jest how the Kaiser is goin' ter stop it,
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
Winter Melons.

A variety of both musk and water
melons imported by the agricultural de-
partment from Asiatic Russia which
will keep all winter is proving a great
success in Utah. These melons are
picked in October and require two
months to ripen after picking and are
at their best in January and February.
They are said to be equal in flavor to
the best of the summer melons and are
becoming very much sought for. They
were unknown in this country five
years ago.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

Railway travelling in Russia is pro-
verbally slow, but has not the com
%pensating advantage of safety, judging
from some statistics furnished by the
ministry of ways and means and COM
munications. The latest compiled data
are for the year 1900. In which year
there were 4,447 accidents; that is. on
an average, about a dozen per day. or
this total 1852 were derailments, $50
collisions and 1855 of various other de-
scriptions. Altogether 1925 persons
were killed and $3.50 injured.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
Prices of almost all kinds of farm

Prices of almost all kinds of farm
produce are at the present time out of
balance, so high that farming has be-
come one of the most lucrative of en-
pigments. This condition will not
continue. The economic law of sup
ply and demand will get in its work
ana restore prices, if not to their for
mer low level, at least to a harmonious
relation between cost of production and
market value. The man who Is buying
high priced land on long time expect
ing 1901 returns from the crops is pre-
pairing the way for some mighty hard
shedding inside of three years.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

a boy friend wants to know what
four footed animal can run the fastest.
Asking some boys what they thought,
one said a deer. another an antelope
and another a jack rabbit. While all
of these get over the ground at a pref
ty lively rate. none of them can go
quite as fast as the greyhound, which
can move at the rate of about twenty
yards in a second. Now you boys can
figure out how many miles an hour
that is.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

A monument to Lieutenant Francois
GARNER. who explored Yunnan in 1866
1868 and in 1873, has been erected at St
Etienne. His discoveries and his muir
der at the Red river led to the French
expedition to Tonkin and the establish
ment OF the French colonies In indc-
China.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
A Noble Bow.

Teacher-Some n has been throw
ing paper behind my back. James, do
you know who it is?
James (who is the culprit himself)-
Yes, sir, but ! hardly like to tell.
Teacher-A very honorable feeling.
James. you may sit down.-London
Tit-Bits.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

There are all sorts and breeds of mi
crobes-those which give the fine flaw
or to butter and cheese and those which
spoil them, bacilli which thrive at 100
degrees F. and produce cholera and
those which multiply at 80 degrees be-
low zero and hatch out smallpox. Hap
piness and health seem to depend large
ly upon what sort of bugs a man eats
and carries around with him.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

We came across a man not long since
who has built up quite a patronage as
a breeder of pure bred Poland-China
hogs, and we incidentally found out
that his brood sows for the mex crop
of pigs were all, with the exception of
one, young ows not over eight months
old Jan. l.. In doing this this man Is
not only doing a serious injury to his
patrons, but it will inevitably hurt his
trade and good name as a breeder. Pure
bred stock intended for breeding pur-
poses should never be the product of
an immature ~parentage. but of aged
and well developed stock.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

We saw a man haul in a load Of oats.
a little damp. in year 1896 and sell the
load for $3.50. The same man hauled
In a load the other day of the same
number of bushels and got $21.50 for
il. Times have changed.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

When a young man first goes account
ing, he always likes to take his best
girl out riding behind a snowy and
high strung nag. AS he gets further
along he prefers the steadiest old horse
on the farm or in the livery barn.
Queer, is it not? The reason. however,
can be found if one will look far
enough.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

A fruit box making machine has been
invented which will make these boxes
and baskets for a 1.-THE of the former
cost. The next thing will be a machine
to pick the fruit, and then We will al
be happy.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

Passing by a poultry yard in the
country not long since, we saw over 200
Buff Cochins in one flock, as pretty
a sight as we ever saw in the line OF
poultry, sleek, stately, peaceful n
dignified fowl, looking for all the world
like a Methodist conference.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

The owner of a very good one hun
dred and sixty acre farm said to us
lately that he had come to the conclu-
sion that he had too much land; that
he was going to dispose of half of the
farm and work the balance better. He
struck us as being one of the wisest
men we have met for many a day.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

We came across a man lately who had
several head of nice Shorthorn young
stock of both sexes, all eligible to reg
istry ano of good families, and the own
er complained that he could not find a
market for them at so low a price as
So per head, the animals being year
lings. He said it was almost impossi-
BILE to get his neighbors to pay over
$40 for a bull. 1t is needless to add
that the top of the market was never
reached by the beef animals Of that
locality.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

The sum of 800 per year in cash and
what eggs and chickens the family can
use are easily obtained from what poul-
try may be kept upon the average farm
homestead given ordinary care and at
tention. This sum may be increased
to 5000 where more fowls are kept and
more attention given them.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

A lady friend of ours who is very sue
cessful with her poultry, making about
$500 a year from what she can care for
at n farm homestead. tells us that the
forcing of the hens to produce eggs in
winter does not pay her, that by so do
ing the productive power of the hens is
much impaired and that they are there
by p%redisposed to disease. Is this a
correct conclusion?
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

keep all the draws and natural water
ways in sod, even if the fields are
thereby broken up. The water must
find a way off during heavy rains, and
where these waterways are under the
pillow the loss by erosion is very great.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

Cold storage creamery butter bought
last June at 16 to II cents held ana
sold in January at 10 cents does not
seem to be a bonanza.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
Correspondence Solicited.
, j. S. Trlgg, Rockford, Iowa.

We would not try to raise turkeys on
the farm unless we lived at least n
half mile from a neighbor.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

We always put faith in a boy who is
not afraid of work-good hard manual
labor. Work is the best developer and
preserver of the moral and physical
qualities which go to make up a man
ly man. Show us the plodding, indus
trious boy not ashamed of good hard
work, and we will show you the future
successful man, and if he sings while
he works so much the better.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

In the hill countries where the land
is under the pillow 1t is good policy to
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

II the ladies will just watch the
hostler do up the horses tail before
taking it put for a drive on the muddy
road, they will catch on at once to the
very latest style of doing up their own
hair. No need for fashion plates now,
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

an elevation of $500 feet securing I'M
munity for the pig from this disease.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

On rolling and hilly lands under the
pillow in a regular rotation of crops
nothing so we'll prevents the washing
OF the soil as to have 1t we'll filled with
clover roots. and nothing else will be
30 good for the crop as a source Of
humus and fertility.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28
The man of sixty should have earned

The man Of sixty should have earned
and secured the privilege of doing only
Just such work and just so much Of it
as suits his fancy and his strength.
At that age work is just as much a ne
cessity to his physical and mental we'll
being as at any time Of his life, but he
should be exempt from the compulsory
feature of the work of his earlier nan
hood. The hardworking man who quits
work entirely at sixty but cuts short
his days, becomes grouty, captious,
snarly and unlovely, when it is his
privilege to enjoy a genial old age.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

The very heavy losses sustained by
stockmen the past few months as a re-
suit of turning their cattle into the
cornstalk fields have brought out much
so called information about this trou-
BILE. After looking carefully over what
the scientists have to offer we find that
they do not at all agree as to the cause,
some assigning the trouble to smut or
a fungous growth and others to a dry
murrain. Cases are cited where the
smut was fed to the extent of half a
bushel per day to n animal without
Injury. while the most careful feeding
of the stalks resulted fatally.
The professional world. (Columbia, Mo.) 1901-192?, 1902-02-28

The culture of tobacco as a crop is ex-
tending from Wisconsin into Iowa, 400
loads of tobacco being marketed in
one day recently in an eastern Iowa
town. The crop brings a return of from
500 to $3.50 per acre, is the worst soil
robber known and involves a large
amount of work and care as we'll as
special training in order to make a
success. While the crop may and prob
ably will be grown to some extent, we
do not believe it will in the long run
pay Iowa farmers to convert their corn
fields into tobacco plantations.