Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1902-01-15
HOW 1T IMPRESSED GOLDBERG.
Lectures on Personal Hygiene That Were
Almost Too Successful.


Any one who comes in contact with
the most ignorant of the immigrant
class in this city soon realizes that the
education that is derived from books
is only very small part of what they
need. Teach them to read and write
English. and they are little changed,
except to become rather more selfim-
portant; but teach them to wash, and
they are different beings. One teacher
of immigrants had this so firmly i'm
printed on her mind that she would
look ut her large English class and
sigh hopelessly as she tried to plan
how grammar and the art of bathing
could be taught together.
One day she had an inspiration. She
made little speech to her class on elo-
cution. She said that to speak good
English clear pronunciation was in
dispensable, and clear pronunciation
necessitated n good deal of care of the
teeth and SO on. Then she wound up
by saying that she would like to have
the whole class come up to her house
to listen to lectures on elocution.
This done, she secured lively young
elocutionist and explained her purpose.
II don't care" she said, whether you
teach elocution or not. At least three
out Of the six lectures 1 want you to
give must deal entirely with personal
cleanliness. Drag it in by the hair Of
Its head, but get 1t in somehow"
The elocutionist liked the idea. The
audience of thirty or forty foreigners
was most attentive. This was to them
a new gate to success. 1t appeared
that to speak good English and get on
in life one must have clear enuncla-
ton, which required good teeth, which
required daily brushing and general
good health, which in turn required
washing and exercise and open win
dows. By this simple but effective
house-that-Jack-built system the con-
spirators could reach anything they
wished to say, and hurt nobody's feel
ings by doing it. The whole thing
was, to the eyes of the class, n part of
the teaching of English composition.
Now, the most attentive listener was,
to the teachers great content, the dirt
lest member of the class. Not that he,
poor fellow, was much to blame, or
that teacher or elocutionist felt that
they would have been much better
had they his past life behind them.
Still, Goldberg was facing his opportu-
nifty now, and so far as washing of
body or teeth went, he hadn't seized
1t.
The class returned to its lessons on
grammar much improved. Handswere
cleaner, teeth brighter; so the teacher
felt repaid. But Goldberg did not
come back-patient, Industrious, cheer
full Goldberg-and she wondered what
had happened. Some two or three
weeks later he appeared. still patient,
and somehow oddly changed. The
teacher welcomed him, and asked why
he had not appeared before.
81 vas busy" he explained.
"Too busy to learn English" she
queried,
"Vas trying to be able to speak good
English" he explained, and suddenly
showed by an expansive smile Wnat
was the change that the teacher had
noted. His teeth were simply ag-
gressive in their brilliancy.
"Why, how fine your teeth look" ex-
claimed the teacher.
Dentist, he fix 'em," explained Gold
berg, complacently. dat vas why
stayed away"
HE took fortnight to polish them"
cried the teacher.
pulled 'em all out" said Goldberg.
~All but four in the back"
He had been so impressed by the elo-
rutionist that he had really had every
tooth in his head but four extracted,
and complete false set put in.-New
York Tribune.