davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Il suppose you think Il Is very silly,
Charley. dear" said young Mrs. Tor
klns. FOR me to pay several dollars TO
watch an actress Tor few hours.
well. 10 be candid. II does strike
me as little ateep"
nut Il isn't 90 hnd. Charley. denr
aa paying $40 or $50 to see a horse run
once around race track. is Il. hon
egtly7"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Mr.. Lakeside (Rloomily l--The book
keeper has run on with all my money
and we may have 90 so to the poor.
house.
Mrs. Lakesidc-No need OF that, my
dear. Wen get a divorce. and you
marry the woman who got $4,000 out
OF you In that breach OF promise suit
and III marry the bookkeeper.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

THE most troublesome member OF
my flock" said the parson, "ls young
woman who wants a husband"
MY most troublesome client" said
the lawyer. "is a middle-aged woman
who wants a divorce"
"The most troublesome patient /
have" said the physician, rs a spin
ster OF uncertain age who doesn't know
what she wants"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Prlest-Pat, didn't you see me hur-
rylng after you before you ran into
that saloon? Why didn't you stop
long enough for me to speak to your
Pat (wiping his mouth with the
back OF his hand) your River
ence, / had only the price OF one
drink.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Miss Well. Martha. how 10
your husband now?
Martha Poly, miss. poly. He's got
that explanatory rheumatism.
Miss Moblle-You mean inaamma-
tory rheumatism. Martha. Exclama-
tory is TO cry out.
Martha with solemn convlctlon)-
That's Il. mum, that's ~ Ito don't 10
nothing but holler" Christian Rogis-
ter.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Husband-That is strangel Here
are four OF Clyde Flteh's plays print
ed In this mornings paper.
Wife-How ia that7
Husband-Well there's a klepto-
maniac story on the front page. a viii
contest on the second, n funeral on
the third. and christening on the
fourth.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

'Ho is satisfied now that this Is a
hard. hard world
'why. he's rich, and has everything
he could wish for"
IL know, but he's been thrown out
OF his automobile several times late
IT,"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16
The SUltan'S'
Harern

The number Of wives maintained by
the sultan OF Turkey Ia estimated at
between 800 aud 400 These wives are
taken from the prominent families Of
the empire. and the position il much
sought after. Qs II enables the holder
TO exercise q powerful influence in be.
half OF her relatives and friends. When
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

DO you believe that man will ever
be able to talk over the telephone
without wlros7"
"Pshaw. mani What's the matter
with your | beat that all hollow yes.
terday when the local company's agent
called TO persuade me to put one In
my house. We talked over the tele-
phone for an hour without even talk
ing on the same linol",
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Frlend-You had very fashionable
audience. didn't you2
PlGnlat--Yes; at one time there was
not a single person in the room who
was listening
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Young Husband-I'm just about dead
putting down this carpet
Wife-Tho carpet Is not heavy.
mo. but / have to work in such a
cramped position
Nonsense! Just imagine you are
on your bicycle"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

What's that bill: TO flowers for
church. S6Ssr asked the treasurer OF
the ofacial board.
THAT Is for the Easter flowers" OK
planned the chairman.
What did you do2 Try TO get q
hat for the hullding?"-Judgc.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Cassldy-Phwore did 20 git that
plpeful o. terbaoker7
Casoy-From Clancy heyant.
Cassldy-well, we'll, did he open his
heart & ye3
Casey-open his hearth Ny, Oil
myl has he got terhaoker hearth
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Granger--You would hardly call
Miss Pole very warm-hearted per-
son3
Farmer-Warm-h On the
contrary. she is awfully cold. II aha
should shed a tear, you may be sure
II would be a hailstone.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

when was your age didn't have
the advantages you have" said the fa-
Their sagely.
well. father" replied the son. "its
too late to kick about II now. You
should have thought about those
things at the time"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Drug Clerk--we don't happen TO
have the drugs named in this prescrip-
ton, au, vt'hayc others Just OK good.
Cuai0mor suppose that's all rights
but what fool was 20 pay tho doc
tor 80 for that prescription. That's
what hothors me
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Edlth-They say her husband. the
count, acts dreadfully.
Ethel-Yes; seems to think he vas
admitted to the United States free u
duty.-Life.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Stern Parent suppose you ara
aware. young man, that cease 10 pro-
vide for my daughter when she leayea
my roof
Suitor-Oh yes, we have settled
about that-Berthan and l. We havo
decided to make our home with you.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

The father OF the three children.
Alice May Burst. James Wood Burst
and Henry VIII Burst is evidently re-
lated to a dynamite factory
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

A great many men who express A
willingness to die for the old aag al
ways let their wives carry in the coal
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

u am writing a story Of n strug-
CLING inventor"
1t won't do" answered the abrupt
~ critical friend. Inventors don't
struggle nowadays. They let the peo-
pie who are eager to buy stocks do
the struggling"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Miss Romantlque ION shlpboard)-
Obi by the way. captain, were you
ever boarded by a pirate?
Capt. Grufie-Yes, and she charged
me Sc day for a room on the sixth
floor.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

$500 for every family The annual risks
written by the FIRE insurance compa-
MES are estimated at $4,000. 600 900.
which Is $3.50 per capita. or 81 $50 per
family. Thus It viii be seen that ey-
cry family In the country, on an aver
age, has insurance assets OF over ST.
600.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Gladys.-why is It that ministers
usually marry so young2
Harold--oh, that's the only game OF
chance they're allowed TO play.-PuclS.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Customer-This steak is the tough-
est thing I've ever had here. waiter
Walter (conldentially)-Then you
aln't tried our roast chicken. sir
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

clerk-Herc is some delicious cough
candy.
Miss wlSe;eiEh-B haven't a de-
licious cough.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Figures are naturally truthful bur
INSCRIPTIONS statlstielans often lead
them astray.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

Frand Sargent, who has been an
pointed commissioner general of lm.
migration by the president held. as his
FIRST position with a railroad company.
that Of engine wiper at Phoenix, Ariz.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16
THE HUMOR OF LIFE.
JOKES AND JEsTs GROUND OUT BY
THE OFFICIAL HUMORlsTs.

Sea Captain Has In. Owu Idea o.
Pirates Pat Explains H, Seeming
Diseourtssy -- Professional Msa Tell OF
Troublesome TRIO
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

tives Of Luxury Led
hY the FNVotitcs Of
the Present Ruler
Of Turkey
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1902-05-16

% 4. engine In the upper yards Of
the Northern Pacific Railroad COM
pany at Butte and sustained injuries
from which he died few hours later.
Coulter was unmarried and worked in
the Anaconda shelters.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1902-10-08
WAS HIS REQUEST
Remains of Luther Mueller Are Taken
to Ohio for Burial.

The remains of the late Luther Mueller
We're taken to Lancaster. Ohio by his
falner and mother Sunday night This
that he be buried beside his dead brother.
Funeral services were held at the home
of the bereaved parnts. so Riverview
avenue. at $50 o'clock Sunday evening.
TIE services We're conducted by the
Rev. Richie of the Episcopal church.
The quartet of the church. composed of
Miss Dunbar, Mrs. Shattuck, Messrs AIDES
and Yost Sang. There We're many man
ifestatiOns of the warm place the dead
boy held in the hearts of the many
Wichita acquaintance.
A peculiarly distressing death was that
of Luther Mueller. which occurred on last
Saturday evening at I1:25 o'clock Young
Mueller was just 10 years old, OF a fine
physique and unusually bright mind. For
the last three months he had been in the
employ of a large lumber company at
AlamogordO y. NJ, and had shown such
marked ability and energy that the com
Fany had assured him of a bright future
with them. He was stricken with typhoid
fever and taken TO the company's hos
pital. The family Immediately sent DR..
Ross. Of this city, 10 Alamogordo to bring
him home. He only lived four days after
reaching home. but the JOY Of having his
loved ones around him was worth the
danger and the pain OF the journey. The
case seemed hopeless from the first. At
the last he glided peacefully. in sleep.
into the land OF all our hopes and
dreams
The funeral was announced for Monday
ct st. Johns Episcopal church. where he
had worked and sung with so much help
fulness to all the congregation. But it
became necessary to start with the body
Ter Lancaster. Ohio where he was TO
be buried in the family burying ground.
on Sunday night so the service was held
al the home 30 Riverview avenue. on
sunday evening at s:SO. A large number
Of friends and sympathizers were pres
ent and the solemn trustfuI words Of the
Episcopal burial service commended him
To God and His fatherly love \ few re-
marks by the rector. Rev. J. d. Ritchey.
closed The service and the stricken father
and mother started upon their weary
journey 10 the distant Gods acre.
The Lord bless thee and keep thee:
The Lord lift up the light OF His coun-
tenance upon thee and be gracious
unto thee:
The Lord make His face To shine upon
thee
And give thee peace evermore.~ Amen.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1902-10-08
BUFFALO BILLS WILD WEST
Show Delighted Thousands of Wichi-
tans Yesterday.

/ Buffalo Bits Wild West Exposition
opened yesterday in Wichita with an at
tendance of 10000 All of Wichita saw it.
with a numerous contingent from the
surrounding counties W. F. Cody is
a favorite here. because he is a western
man to begin with. and because the show
Of which he is the head. IS an exposition
OF western life as it is known TO the
pioneer of this country. who has told
of it TO his children and their children.
Buffalo BiIl is a type of a western life.
noticeable on the borders Of civilization
and a factor in the advancement Of the
country It was men Of his makeup
that have pushed forward the frontier
of enlightenment and made possible,
profitable and pleasant a life in a coun-
try hetd as a heritage for barbarism and
waste. Every schooIboy knows OF Buffalo
Bill his adventurous youth and courag-
eous manhood. and now that he has
gathered with him the living pictures
which serve as a epiteme Of his life he
serves as an object lesson TO the younger
generation who only know of the trials
and hardships Of pioneer days as hear
say-Cody the frontiersman and scout
things has succeeded in collecting an
aggregation of features which are a.
book OF instruction. He has not only
brought together the elements which have
been potent either for good or evil in
our civilization but he had secured the
countries OF another world to show US
how the other half lives.
st his exposition yesterday there were
Indians-au our own-Cossacks q the
Don OF Russia. Arabs from Persia. Vac
eueros from the land Of Noutezums. our
white brethren. the sturdy Enelishman.
fresh from Boerland. South Africa and
the swarthy Cubans. our whiiom wards
There together with the German uhlaus
the rough riders Of san Juan. and our
boys in blue passed before n curiousiy
surprised multitude yesterday afternoon
and evening
Il would be impossible IN limited space
TO describe each feature q the exposi-
ton in detail. Cody. the rough rider
and ne plus ultra q scouts. satisfies the
most strenuous q admirers OF 50 az you
please horseuauship-
The Wild riding OF the Cossack. vho -
at home in any position on his horse
he agility q the gaucho. and his dexter
ity with horse and riettR. The supreme
recklessness q the American COWBOY.
the finished horseusnship Of the Amerf-
can cavalry soldier are shown in this
aggregation. ard chaiielEe the wonder
Ct The beholder- one ot TIE features =
the entertainment s the representation
of the pony mail service. an Institution z
the new west whore she hastv rider dts
mounts from his pony On q run and leaps
upon the back q snother Sta-1'-g -
relay within The space y ter seconds
Buffalo EM shows military cor1ra-'1
on the march and 81 cs-p. realistic
picture and cne which every oid plains
man recognizes as re TIRE ore. -
storninE OF san Juan hi BY The rough
riders was decidedly Effective ard show
ed the American youth what RS fzrhs-
could DO II case Of emergency. The
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1902-10-08
MERIT MAKES IT FAMOUS
The Only Remedy in the World, Gx-
cePt a Surgical Operation, That
Viii Certainly Cure Any
Form of Piles

The study of physicians. the expert
ments Of chemists the loudly advertised
rretensions OF quacks have been fer
years expended in one direction; 10 md
a pile cure that would cure
The results have been q number Of
harmless and in most cases useless oint-
ments. suppositories ard even internal
remedies. which Tho public have weighed
in the balance Of experience and found
wanting: nearly all Of them gave some
relief. but nothing approaching a radical
cure resulted from these preparations
The remedy required Is one which viii
Immediately stop the pain So severe in
many cases Of piles. and then by con-
tracing the s1naN blood vessels (caplI-
lEriesj 10 their normal size produce o
r-dical cure by reducing and finally alb
sorbing the tumoTs and healing the in
famed. raw mucous surfaces
I-nui a few years ago. NJ such remedy
had been produced. but ~ that time 3
supposito-y was placed upon the marks Z
which has since proven Itself b Dc The
Song sought permanent cure fo- this
common and distressing trouble. j has
rapidly h.cc-ne famous throughout the
United States and Canada. and S. uow
sold BY all druggists under TIE nSmc q
Pyramid Pile Cure
II Is now The best known. hecause its
merit and safety have advertised IL
wherever used Il has been advertised
o. word a. mouth. from one suaereT e
another. people wno have fried every
Thing else. even submlttiuE ~ gairfai
au6 dangerous Surgical oTersrio1s With
oat await. have dnslly founa that plies en-
b.. cured vithout pain and without ex-
pense practically. - ~ FFrnnid Pile
cure 4 sold FOR TIE nominal prics % -
cents ard 3 peE package
The Pyramid Instantly stops AZ pain
ard az TIE same tssre ceutziEs 70 cocaine.
morphine or narcosics- tae ACIDS sr1
healing properties oautlrs6 n me ren-
coy speedily remove. c-1se hslit1f-..
rat1rsl coat-acti5a ard ahsarltfen rftte
tu7 -. i Ill cu-e any form q rectal
t--aass r-rs-f c-1ce- zzf 1-z1-e8
nsru,a. Which. b the usy ns--,- af-1vs
--s-.ts Zen reelstf.ng preges a1t
timely treatment scr p.sts
book o. czEse ara cure - pzss SET
free ~ sscr-ssssg Pyrzzzis Drag o.
Marshall. E4ra-
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1902-10-08
EXPLOSION OF
CANDY BOILER
Three Men Injured at Wichita
Factory.
SCALOEDBY MELTED SUGAR
Terrible Accident Caused by
Defective Apparatus.
SCALDEDBY MELTED SUGAR

Yesterday noon a candy boiler in the
Bryan Bros candy establishment on
South Market street exploded. inficting
serious injuries on John J. Cahill, fore
nan Of the candy makers. and painfully
injuringstwo boys who were helping him.
by name. Leslie Myers and - Freeman.
The explosion caused terrifying detona-
tons, and the great number of the candy
boys and girls in the building were horror
stricken when it reached their ears They
rushed onto the third floor to find there
the three injured Iaborers in awful agony,
one of the boys crying out piteously in his
misery. The explosion was caused by d
defective place in the boiler, it was stated
last night by the foreman.
The accident happened at about twenty
minutes till / O'Clock. Work begins at
1z:3o at this factory Mr.. Cahin and the
two boys were making cream candy in n
large Burkholt copper boiler. These
boilers are about three feet in diameter
across the top. They set about three feet
of the floor. This one has capacity of
2; gallans. The foreman was standing
over the kettle with a large wooden pad
die with which he stirred the composition
The two boys were pouring in an amount
oil melted sugar when the explosion Oc-
CURED. The steam which is forced about
the base of the kettle and contained by a
copper jacket a few inches apart from the
Kettle bottom, forced its way through the
bottom OF the kettle like shot from a
cannon.
The entire contents Of the kettle were
dashed to the ceiling and into the face
of the foreman, as also onto the boys
aims and hands. To show the force of
tie explosion may be mentioned the fact
that the paddle was found the other side
az the building When the victims Of the
accident felt the hot sugar heated to go
degrees, thrown against their bodies, their
terror was expressed in cries. Mr.. Cahill
kept his head through it all. and fairly
shouted as he managed 10 open one eye:
Thank God. 1 still have my oversight"
The hot sugar had struck both eyes, but
last night he could see out of one, while
the other. the right one, was swollen shut.
r is feared that this injury will prove de-
structive TO the sight. His face was
soalded all over, but worse on the right
side. His arms are raw above the elbow.
Mr.. Cahill is man about "A years of age.
His wife ard family are At present in
Montana. He is known as the original
Candy Jack
Leslie Myers was scalded very painfully
about the arms. Without thought and
following the instincts of nature, he rush
ed to bucket of water and plunged his
arms into it. This doubled the pain.
Young Freeman escaped with the least in
jury.
DR.. McClees was called and dressed the
injuries of the men,
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1902-10-08
AN ELEVATOR
FOR WICHITA
St. Louis Man Is Coming to
Look Over Situation.
WANTS TO BUY GRAIN
And Would Build Elevator to
Handle 1t.
WANTS TO BUY GRAIN

Mr.. Frederick Seeley. a member Of one
sf the largest and most prominent grain
and feed firms in St. Louis. is expected in
Wichita some time this week or early
next week TO look over the grain situa-
zion in Wichita.
Mr.. seeley has become interested in
Wichita. and realizing that it being right
il the center of the grain belt Of Kansas,
believes that this would be good place
for his firm to build an elevator. and is
coming here with the intention Of study
ing the situation regarding such build
ing.
Mr.. Ad y. Jones. Of the Wichita Traffic
association. had conference with Mr..
Seeley last week at St. Louis, and he gave
the Wichita man to understand that if
glain was sold on the open market in
Wichita his firm would be one Of the bid
GERS, ard in that event they would build
an elevator, and it would be no small con
Germ, either.
Mr.. Seeley handles hundreds Of cars Of
gain and hogs each week through St
Louis. and has a number of agents and
country
When assured by Mr.. Jones that grain
and produce could be purchased on the
open market in this city and that the
supply was unlimited Mr.. Seeley said thai
within a few days he would journey to
Wichita and look the field over. The next
move would be TO establish an agency in
Wichita, and if successful an elevator
would be the next proposition, and if
grain Of all kinds could be purchased in
sufficient quantities the firm would not
be long n beginning work on the building.
Mr.. Seeley also handles great quantities
of hay, and he would also make bids on
this product. and if the business war
ranted such he would build a warehouse
g. which to handle this class of feed.
Cleanse the liver and bowels and regu-
late the system by using PRICKLY
ASH BITTERS. 1t creates and sustains
energy.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1902-10-08
CINDERELLA

Everything is moving along in good
shape for the coming childrens product
ton of Cinderella Rehearsals show
a surprising amount of talent among the
children The specialties in most instances
viii be a good and fully as enjoyable
as those generally seen on the profess
sional stage. The rehearsals for the cake
walk contest are going on with uncreas-
ed vigor. stimulated no doubt. by the
announcement that Mr. Bissantz and Mr..
Messerve are to put up cakes for prizes.
The demand for tickets is large and in
creases from day to day. The sale for the
reservation Of seats opens Tuesday, a. m,
at Howe's jewelry store, an dthe public
is advised to secure their seats early.
Yesterday the Brownies and 'Handi-
cap" chorus and the "Ragtime Dance"
and specialties had their rehearsals and
showed marked improvement. In fact
all that remains TO be done now it to
put the trimming on all the rough
work being through with. Today. the cast
fairies will rehearse. The public is as
sured that this production will unques-
tionably be the best home talent enter
tainment ever seen on the lacal boards.
Remember, the reserved sat sale opens
Tuesday morning at Howe's jewelry
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1902-10-08

riding Of the United States cavalry SOL
diers was revelation IN military prac-
tice, and was enthusiastically received.
The men in uniform. as for business.
rode their animals bareback. They vault
ed hurdles with no support but the
withers of their horses; they stood erect
and rode their horses with the ease they
assumed in riding one. These soldiers are
not onl ysoldirs; they are not on par
ade for the occasion They are taught
this system Of horSemanship at their
posts and Buffalo Bill simply shows the
perfected method. The vacquero with his
Iasso. gave a wonderful exhibition Of
skill. The cowboys showed their hard
ihood and address by roping. saddling and
riding a bunch of outlawed bronchos
Col. Cody has, besides his collection OF
rought riders, squad Of menage riders,
both men and women. that are superla
lively fine They 90 through all the
intricacies of the Quadrille Of horseback
with the ease and grace Of q ballroom
dancer. IN addition to the riding per
formers, there is a fine group OF acrobats
and tumblers, the best under salary.
The Indian war dance in all its grotesque-
ness, came as an echo from the past.
The drill of the United States life-saving
corps shows how distressed vessels are
relieved at sea and is an instructive fea-
ture in itself
To illustrate the perils of borderland,
Buffalo Bill gives a correct representation
OF how the old stage coach is attacked
by Indians. and how the marauders are
driven off. 1t is realistic in the extreme.
Col Cody himself gives a marvellous
exhibition Of glass ball shooting while
riding on horseback at full speed and
hs has in his aggregation the champion
trap shooter OF the world
Buffalo Bits visit TO this city IS always
an event that is eagerly expected and
deeply enioved