The Somerset reporter., 1902-04-03
e9-i---ee-i-i-eeb -i--f-e9 -i-t- 0-i-i-N W-I
; WHACKER !
|. BILLS !
! CONVERSION :
By II. Wadsworth Parker
Copyright. 1902. by
s. S. Mcclure Company

skin coat with both hands. lie con-
tinued TO stare into the depths of the
open fireplace.
The nickel alarm clock licked noisily
on the high mantelshelf. the only
sound in the cabin tucked under
"9""~'s bill. The miqute hand tough
ri r, and Mrs homuy 'cougheu apo.
getically
The Reverend John came out OF his
trance and slipped into the waiting
coat. His wife cast an adorng look
up at his square shouldered six feet
one.
Il hated to interrupt your thoughts.
Jack, but the stage is due in a minute.
Were you thinking of your sermonY
Not much, my girl" replied Rollins.
81 was thinking of that twenty four
mile ride with Whacker Bill. 1t is
honestly the worst feature Of this
charge. like to go over to Las Vegas.
They're a friendly set, and they're al
ways glad to see me. But the ride
that foul mouthed Bill, with his swear
ing at every rut in the road! But I'll
cure him yet. l feel somehow as If
I'd been sent to this place to save
Whacker Bits soul and I'm going to
do it,
John Rollins set his mouth in the
firm curve that his wife could remem-
Der from the old football days, long be-
fore he had taken orders in the church.
The little woman clasped and I'M
clasped her hands neryously.
Il hope, Jack, dear, you'll be very,
very careful in dealing with Bill. He's
an awful character, they say-and"-
Eyes, he claims to be the champion
bad man of the Las Vegas valley, but
you remember a certain little sling
once did the business with another
braggart, and I'm loading up with
stones for the same trick"
He smiled cheerily into his wife's
anxious face, kissed her tenderly and
crossed to the door.
Don't worry, little woman. l won't
hurt him or lay myself liable to the
law"
The Reverend Rollins threw open the
door and gazed down the winding
mountain street. The commotion in
front of the postoffice told him that
the stage had arrived. He stal,ed
down the flower edged path to meet it.
When the stage plunged and swayed
past the cabin. Mrs. Rollins waved her
hand to her husband, sitting straight
and smiling beside the rough driver.
Then she ran into the house, where,
burying her face in her husbands big
chair, she had hearty cry
On and on swung the stage, Bill
chatting amiably of his former
triumphs when the vigilantes repre-
sented the law and life was worth lv-
ing. Nothing happened to disturb his
serenity until they had passed Las
Cruces, when they suddenly came upon
patch of road that made the stage
jerk and pillow from side to side, like
ship in the teeth of a gale
What Whacker Bill said about the
road commissioners of the county
would not bear publication. AS he
stormed and raved in the maddest of
profanity the Rev. John Rollins squar-
ed round and looked Whacker Bill fair
ly in the eye.
Here, you triangulated sine qua non
of perambulator, shut up"
Bill stopped in the middle Of a
mighty oath and stared at the mis-
sionary in amaZement So preachers
lost their temper, and such quiet
chap as Preacher Rollins too.
Bill forgot the condition of the road
while he ruminated over this fact.
Then they struck an ugly stone a
mailbag flew through space, and Bill
came back to earth by a most profane
route. Rollins held the reins while
Bill went back to gather up Uncle
Sans possessions. The offending bag
went up with crash and an oath, and
Bill was following with n still mghtier
accompaniment of profanity when he
felt the young mssionary's grip of
steel Oh his wrist.
You bfurcated prismodal of ne
plus ultra iconoclast, stop that noise
and tend to business
Whacker BIZ climbed into the seat
without a word Rollins calmly light
ed a cigar and studied the scenery, and
they rode five miles iii eloquent silence.
Then Bill could stand it no longer
"Pardner whar did you Farm it,"
"At college," came the terse reply
"Lordy, an I've heerd 'em called
religious cemeteries murmured Bill,
and silence once more settled between
them.
Rollins was smoking his third cigar
and feeling bit nervous as they GOV
cred the last two miles into Las Vegas.
Just as they caught sight of the towns
lights twinkling in the mist one Of the
lead horses stumbled and fell. In ten
seconds there was a mad combination
OF horses, tangled harness and profan-
ity in front of the stage. When the
damage had been repaired to steady
fire of cuss words. Bill returned to his
post. swearing as he mounted the step,
swearing as he gathered up his lines,
swearing as he cracked the whip. Then
that calm, even voice fell upon his
ear.
That's enough from YOU, you quad
rangular hypotenuse and polyhedral
old scout-you triangular, trigonomet-
rical descendant of the antediluyian
period"
Bill fairly gasped. Words failed him.
Nl.a