The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1902-11-08
HUMOROUS


In an indignant editorial, the Da.
Moines Register and Leader recestrv
remarked: The lady Cd who yester-
day called the attention of anothe. 10
our patched breaches, whereat beth
laughed so heartily, is informed that !
new pair will be purchased when hAr
husbands bill is settled. 1t has been
due nearly a year. Don't c~riticise 4
printers dress too closely while yon
are wearing silk with money due us
Tell YOU husband to send us sac. ~
and save the cost of a lawsuit. We
need another pair of pants"
Some Gottingen students who hal 4
keen admiration for Klopstock. the
German Milton" once found one of
his stanzas unintelligible, and begged
him to explain its exact meaning TO
them. The poet read the stanza-then
carefully re-read it-then read it again.
while all looked on with bated breath,
At last he spoke: Il cannot ~recollect
what | meant when 1 wrote it, but
do remember that it was one OF the
finest things 1 aver wrote. and you
can do no better than to devote your
lives to the discovery of it's meaning,
This conversation between two We
men was overheard in Cleveland a few
days ago: did you notice that girl
who looked at us so pointedly just
now?" mo, dear. Which one?" ct
was just as we were passing the
Achilles statue" ooh! Do you mean
the n in a gray Elton jacket with
blue silk revers, and a strapped skirt
to match: a blue hat with a big bow Of
green velvet, pale gray kid gloves
stitched with black, a pale blue silk
1ounced underskirt, and high-heeIed
patent leather shoes, a spotted veil and
a blue parasol?" Eyes, dear; that was
the one" mo. then, 4 didn't notice
her; in fact, / hardly looked at her
So many members of the staff of the
Mafeking Mail were recently ~incapac-
itated at one time that the editors felt
obliged to apologize for the p~aucity of
of news in a certain issue. 1--WE are
sorry" they said, ..'but we could not
help it. One of the staff had rheu-
matics and partial paralysis of the
shoulder, another has had a few days
collie, and yet another could not come
to work because his child was danger
ously i'll. One left without notice and
paid two pounds for an interview with
the resident magistrate in consequence,
and another seized the opportunity to
break into teetotalism, while more ter
rible still, one of our best went and
got married"
1t is related that ON one occasion
Judge Roy Bean, of Texas, who is bet
ter known as 1.-The law west OF the
Pecos river" held a eoroner's inquest
on a Mexican who had been found
dead near the Pecos river. The jury
brought in a verdict of accidental
death. The crowd was dispensing
when the judge called them back.
There is another matter to attend to-"
he said; ION this mans body was
found fifty dollars and a si~x-shooter.
1t is contrary to the laws of Texas
and the peace and dignity of the state
to carry concealed weapons. There
fore l confiscate the revolver and fine
the deceased n dollar. The costs of
the case are just forty-nine dollars,
which just settles his estate"
During a visit to the South with an
expedition some years ago. an
eminent American professor met an
old negro servant. whose duty it was to
look after the chickens of the estab-
lishment where he was staying. The
day before the eclipse took place the
professor, in an idle moment, called
the old man to him and said: "Sam.
If tomorrow morning at IL o'clock, o
watch your chickens, you will find
they will all go to roost." Sam was
skeptieal, of course, but when at the
appointed time next day the sun In the
heavens was darkened, and the chick
ems retired to roost, the negro's aston
ishment knew no bounds. He APP
preached the professor in awed won
der. "Massa,' he asked, how long
ago did you know dat dem chickens
would go to ~roost?" ooh, a long
said the professor, airily. "Did
you know a year ago, NASSAU" Yes.
Then dat beats de debit" exclaimed
the astonished old man; dem chickens
49, ra - n,a4oIo3 rotJN