Connecticut western news., 1902-04-10
CHANP CLARK STORIES
"Reminiscences of Noted Fun makers In the House.

There Have Been Five Real Top
 Notehers - Difference Between 2
 Congressional Humorist and a Hu-
 morist In Conoress-How John Al
 len Got There-Generals and Pri-
 Vates-A Maiden Speech That
 Brought Fame.
 ICopyriEht, 1s02, by Champ Clark-l
 Many congressman use humor as an aid in expressing their ideas to the honse-as . mere incident of speech. First and last there have been five hu- morists of the first class in ''the more numerous branch of the national legis- lature''-Tom Corwin, Abraham Lin coin, Samuel Sullivan Cox, J. Proctor Knott and John AL Allen. Four of these were congressional humorists-, Corwin, Cox, Knott and Allen. Ii will thus be seen that l differentiate between a congressional humorist and a humorist who Is in congress. Un- occasionally Lincoln divides with Ar. temus Ward and Mark Twain the hon. or of being the greatest American hu- mOrist-for it is an honor no matter what the dry as dusts may say by way of dissent, detraction or carping criti- cism-but most assuredly and most em-. phatically Lincoln was not a congress sional humorist. Indeed there is pre- cious little trace-the merest color, as miners would say-of his humor or of any other of his many great faculties in his congressional career. The truth seems to be that congress did not suit him and that he did not fit congress. At any rate in his brief service in the house there Is not even the faintest prophecy of that astounding career which wrote his name in the scanty list of the immortals.
 Private John Allen.
 With the possible exceptions of Mo Kinley, Bryan and Roosevelt there is perhaps no American statesman of this generation whose name is more famil- lar to the ears and tongues of the American people than that of Hon. John M. Allen of Mississippi, yclept Private John" Allen. He has not on- ly immortalixed himself, but he has lifted into continental fame Tupelo, the little town where he resides. After a long and distinguished career in the house he voluntarily quit public life for the practice of law.
 Now John Got There.
 The dly as dusts solemnly asseverate that humor never did any good. They are cocksure of that. Now, let's see. How did John Allen get to congress? He joked himself In. One fetching bit of humor sent him to Washington as a national lawmaker.
 The frst time John ran for the con- Gressional nomination his opponent was the Confederate general. Tucker, who had fought gallantly during the civil war and who had served with dis tincti0n two or three terms In con- gross. They met on the stump. Gen. eral Tucker closed one of his speeches as follows:
 Seventeen years ago last night, my fellow citizens. after a hard fought battle on wonder hill, bivouacked un- der yonder clump of trees. Those of you who remember as I do the times that tried mems souls will not, hope, forget the humble servant when the primaries shall be held"
 That was . strong appeal in those days, but John raised the general at his own game In the following amazing manner:
 My fellow citizens, what General
 
 ment some years ago on yonder hill Is true. What General Tucker says to you about having bivouacked in yon clump of trees on that night Is true. 1t Is also true. my fellow citizens, that was vedette picket and stood guard over him while he slept.
 'sNow, then, fellow citizens, all of you who were generals and had privates to stand guard over you while you slept vote for General Tucker, and all of you who were privates and stood guard over the generals while they slept vote for Private John Allen"
 The people caught on, took John at his word, sent him to congress, where he has staid until he has filled the land with his acclaim.
 JOhn's Maiden Speech In Congress.
 Of course every representative must make his maiden speech" in congress that is, If he intends to try the ora toFical caper at all. Frequently 1t is a painful ordeal. Much depends on that effort. The congressional tyro feels that the eyes of the house, of his con- stItuents, perhaps of the whole coun- try and of posterity, are fixed upon him. Generally he Is mistaken as to the number of eyes riveted upon him. but nevertheless he feels as he rises to say MT. Speakerp' for the first time that he is a sort of universal optical target, and so feeling he is liable to an attack of heart failure or stage fright. Lucky the member who catches the ear of the house and of the country in de nyering his maiden speech" He is not only lucky. He Is scarce, almost as scarce as hens teeth.
 In due time John delivered his maid en speech" in congress, proved to be one of the lucky ones and took an in- stant secure hold on the auricular ap- pendage of the house, which he held to the end and which he would have continued to hold had he remained in the house till the crack of doom. The members regarded Allen as a godsend as a welcome and grateful relief from what the late lamented MT. Mantalini would have denomlnated ''the demni- ton, horrid grind" of the congressional mlll. John arose to begin his maiden speech" an obscure member. Next morning he arose to find himself fa- nous, as did Lord Byron after the pub hcation of the opening cantos of "Childe Harold" and the fame of the Mississippi humorist was as fairly won and as justly bestowed as was that of the English poet.
 Retired to the cloakroom.
 The river and harbor bill was up. John wanted to offer an amendment making an appropriation for the Tom bigbee river. The chairman of the