Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1902-12-18
Two Farmers Who
Fooled With Nature
ID T7HERE never was a more per-

/
grocery convention. Mary a mex
thing got a-past Uncle Jabe. He
have a filter at it whether it wa
a fiyin' machine or the latest wrinkl
in the higher criticism.
Every time new fool squared tn
circle Uncle Jabe'd get to work FIG
urin' how he could turn his ten-acr'
lot into a race track and not leav'
no corners hanging over; and III
hadn't more'n read about appendi
eitis when he got a pain under his
s'pender buckle that wouldn't give
way till he took il to the city hos
pital fer a operation.
'They had the old boys appendix
| hangin' on the line next day. Want
nothin' wrong with it, but Unble Jabe
said he was better off without it any
way. Twas only extra weight, he
said, an some day a wanderin' germ
would have crawled into il an then
it'd have been all day with Uncle
Jabe.
across the valley from Uncle Jabe
lived old 81 Beetle. 81 was about a
hundred, more or less, but he was a
lively old bird. An up-to-date? Why,
old 81 was so up-to-date he used to
take n daily newspaper.
"He was the only man in Buckaloo
county could keep in sight of Uncle
Jabez Boneset for pergressiyeness.
Mostly it was a pretty tight race be-
tween EN-. If one got ahead of the
tother any way, the beaten one'd
stink aroun like a licked cur till he
could get even.
"Why, after Uncle Jabez put fin
keel into his 12-foot, fat-bottom row
boat that he speared cells from, old
ST lost ten pound Of weight. And it
Just sent Uncle Jabe TO his bed when
81 had one o. them yellow fever mos
quitoes sent him from Cuby, an kept
the critter in a box fer the neighbors
to look at.
"Honors had been pretty easy up
10 last summer. Then Uncle Jabe
got a pamphlet in the mails that
made him skip like cat in a catnip
bed. II was from the United States
agricultural department and told
about bringin' rain by shootin' off a
new-fangled cannon.
This cannon was a kind of sta
tionary blunderbuss. You pointed
her at the sky and filled her up with
powder, and blazed away for awhile,
and pretty soon the clouds would
begin to come up and there'd be a
nice. hard shower.
Just what I've been wantin','
says my uncle. My melons needs a
little victim he says. i can make
one o. them things easy as fryin' lard
out of a pig. lie could, too, for he
was real handy about carpenterin'
and such like. IN make on to-day
he says, an if this pernickety clear
weather lasts I'll load up tomorrow,
he says, an shoot a shower out of |
the clear sky. Reckon I'll surprise
that old fogy, 81 Beetle, some.
"While he was buildin' his rain gun
old 81 Beetle acrost the valley was
purity busy. Some Teller had sent
him a pamphlet on weather maxim
Maybe twas the same Teller that sent
Uncle Jabe his'n.
'Tennerate old Sis pamphlet de-
scribed a cannon that folks in Italy /
had been usin' TO spoil hailstorms.
They planted their batteries toward
where the storm was expected an
fired at the clouds until they just
naturally busted and let down the
rain or hail, OF whatever Il was.
Suits me, says old ST. My grapes
Is doin' fine, this nice, shiny weather.
III JUS set out a few Of them artil-
Iery over back on the west hill an
The next cloud that shows its nose
here, I'll shoot the stufiin. out of t.
Wonder what old SticlIin-the-mud,
Iabez Boneset, II think Of that for
4 twentieth century notion he says.
''There wasn't nothin' small about
ais way Of doin' things While he
was at II he made ten of them can
mons an planted 'em over on the hill
70 the westward. II cost him a lot
II powder TO load 'em up, but he was
we'll cff an. anyhow. he never
grudgcd money to carry out a new
tangled idee.
$50 here was Uncle Jabez' rain
oerducin' gunpowder outfit on one
an not more'n a mile away
IN the opposite hill old ST Beetles
battery Of storm-busters. an neither
II 'em KNOWN anything about the
lther.
Next mornin' come an not cloud
n the blue. Uncle Jabez sized up
he situation, and says he to the
patch on the lef knee: Here's where
We perduce some weather. saws he.
Thet -. IL there's any weather with.
n shootin' distance. As pants the
hart fer GOBLIN streams saws Uncle
Iabez, quotin' hime tunes, so pants
ny melons for a likely shower. and
I'm goin' 10 fetch 'em one or prove
he agricultural government Of these
United States a plumb liar saws he.
Accordingly he unlimbered his
weather battery and fired a bunch Of