New-York tribune., 1902-07-07
THE Talk OF THE DAY.

In his baccalaursate sermon to the University Of
penasyivnnia graduates the other dag the Rev. Or.
Elwood c. Worcester said: 1.-The simple are un-
doubtedly the happiest. To find real felicity
naRst descend to the animal kingdom, aud there
the haprest animal Is the oyster safely ensconced
between his two shells" The Rochester Union
and Advertiser takes an exception and says: The
life OF oyster is fun Of sorrows It Is a life OF
disappointments. Of blasted hopes Of ambitions uI-
fulfilled Sheridan tails us In The Critic that
An oyster may bs eFessed in love-
Is thAre anything that more emhitters existence
than to be crossed IN love? Shakespeare in The
Merry Wives OF Windsor has given US this:
why, then. the world is mine oyster,
Which with sword will open
Is there any felicity In having ones dwelling pried
open with sword? Butler tells US in Dyet's Dry
Dinner 1t is unreasonable and unwholesome In
all months that have II IN their name TO eat
an oyster Does It conduce 10 the joy OF living to
know that one Is regarded with suspicion by the
world during a largs part OF the year: This con-
eciousness must pray upon the mind Of an oyster
and all mis- days with gloom. The clam. though IT
has it's sorrows. is a good deal happier than the
oyster"
Mad, Made His Mark-"Hivens. Moike, tn eye ys!
% 'tarqsk tdr %aS ssF3sy arns an he gave me re-
the hstsrs l. pss'y live town izPt it rsmsrksd
6qd: sqdds' an It's Sfu hiiadsIPhia Rec
The Kansas farmers have overcome the physical
inertia OF the hobo. They did IL with a gun. The
deficiency or farm hands in Kansas ia estimated at
about ten thousand men, The harvest fields with
their golden seas Of oyerripe grain. calling for
mon. a freight train westward bound
wrecked the OF Pratt. On the train
were fifty or sixty tramps bound for Colorado for
their health. The farmers heard of It, and offered
them So a day and plenty of food and shelter.
They declined the offer. ThersupQp the farmers
shotgun he Siflt hat
nearly all of tue tTamps are DOW toiRg in the
harvest fields OF Pratt County. and they will be
kept at it until the wheat Is al gaFnsTod. The
picturesque feature OF the episode is furnis led by
the women of the farms. who are acting as guards
each armed with shotgun. II the Pratt County
idea spreads it may offer a solution Of the whole
tramp problem,
The Scientist Frish.-The members of a certain
safnsa sees,y aes esen sHdgisinE IN birshsy
enjosmentS We're over Professor .enes started OFF
is is b very esy9F man. and noted for the
Tho eseitcnent and the unusually hearty dinner.
to1oWed BY the ahsGuse discussion in which he
@ az ht @ o he heea9sh p4s5s s
% %thro6bttng brow % aksinst roe cool iron, Thus be
& he enttRsa on Ss wa2 his homer S
% whsn ne ATTEMPTED TO Leave the post he found HIM
a brain STaia such as The Professors works quickly.
hs the h e is fed a and ass
passing through bis body, binding him to the post
Become dissolved to Jelly. and WSiie the SWfn
helpless as butterfly pinned TO cork 'iere aS
In his terror he gave vent to his feelings in Il
mish1y yell This attracted ths attention OF a po-
aGghter listened 10 .Rs pPofessorsS sSeaSg eaSa With
When he had finished. the policeman unfastened
he had buttoaed e0 Hsana whf bS
fetin. W"
The horsowhippins of . minister by a virginia
Judge who had previously decided that the mta-
ister's CONTEMPT did net warrant Official punish
mept has aroused the State press. The Rich
mond Times" thinks that Virginia law should pun
ish the horsewhippiag OF one citizen by another
more severely than it Furnishes simple assault
because tha vieifm Is not only hurt. but humiIiat-
ed. THE Norfolk vfrglnian- -Piior' goes a bit
further. There should be a special statute COW
erng this offence says tAe ridewater contem-
porary, In our opinion, assault with a cowhide
should justify. in seif-dsfence. the killing Of the
assailant."
THE SEA OF MATRIMONY
For all we swa,us and maidens too
Tis worthy of rsmsrkns
To sail tbs matrimonial
Needs frequent re-embarking
Upon :.tHe tender ars.
We venture all uRheeding.
And then smack, and after that
A transport quick succeeding.
Perchancs We thsn prove men O. war;
To the DIVORCE court speeds the mate
TO get . little guitar
But If, upou the other hand
There's neither tin nor bcker,
We end the voyage safe IN port.
worthy single sticker.
-(Brooklyn Life