davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
A Falsa Alarm.

Doctor (who has been sent for 2
a. m.)-Madame, pray send at once
for the clergyman. and, if you want
to make your will, for the lawyer.
Madame (horrified) Good gracious;
Is it so dangerous doctor?
Doctor-Not bit of it; but I don't
want to be the only one who has been
disturbed in his sleep for nothing.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
Their Sad Good-bys.

But, Agatha said the husband
whose heart was breaking. what
want is your love. You seem so cold
at times. Think of the affectionate
good-bys Chaffeur's wife gives him
each morning"
True" answered Agatha, but you
know Chaffeur has an automobile, and
his wife doesn't know but that each
parting will be the last one"
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
Ills Obiectlon.

Prisoner" said the stern old Judge.
"the jury, by 4 vote of IL to L, has
found you guilty of smashing all the
windows and running the stock of ten
millinery stores. Have you anything
to say before sentence is passed upon
you?"
81 have" announced the prisoner,
rising to- his feet
Say it"
81 protest, your honor, against this
verdict. l was not tried by a jury of
my peers.'
"On what do you base that objec-
tion?"
"Why, only one of 'em is married"
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
A They Impressed Her.

No reader of Frank Stockton's books
can deny that there is decided ele-
ment of the unreal about all of them.
lady of malaproprian tendencies
had been laboriously reading "A Story
teller's Pack"
What are you reading?" asked a
friend
"Oh, A Pack of Lies, by Frank
Stockton" came the unconsciously
vivacious and strenuous reply.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
OF More Interest.

"Ahl Nature, noble Nature!" ex-
claimed the maid, in rapture of de-
light. oh, Mr. Spooneigh, is there
anything more delightful than to sit
here and listen to the gentle patter of
the raindrops?"
"Ah-really. I-er-think the su-
preme delight of my life just now
would be to remember who borrowed
my umbrella last"
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
A Hard Pull.

Yes, it took my wife and me and
my mother and my wife's mother and
two sisters and an old aunt of mine
and half a dozen of our cousins 10
pull our first baby through till it was
two years old"
"And did the little one become
stronger by that timer"
mo, we had another by that time
and came out of the dream"
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
stopped the Game.

What broke up the ping-pong So
cial down at your church last night?"
asked the young man with the clerical
garments.
Some unregenerate son of Belial, 3"
said the second man in churchly garb,
substituted eggs for the balls
Judge.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
A Buslness Head.

"You ought to have been ashamed
TO take money for that mule"
Il was kind O. shamed, answered
Mr.. Erastus Pinkley. Il was mighty
glad to git shet of him. But | was
afraid dat if l offered him to you foh
muffin you'd get suspicious"
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
Home ComplIments.

The south Georgia man was loudly
proclaiming that southwest Georgia
was the garden spot of the world
Eyes" said the north Georgia man,
"but you're d-n poor gardeners!"
That" replied the south Georgia
fellow, "is because we imported some
of you fellows who thought you knew
it ALL"
And then they went to betting on
the campaign and called for the
drinks.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
A Givea way.

Young woman think that new
novel. "Skirting Matrimony," perfect
ly impossible,
Critic-Oh, don't know. One ought
not to form so decided an opinion
based on a fiighty perusal.
Young Woman-But it was not a
fiighty perusal! read every line care
fully twice over.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
Ladies Can Wear sha Is

One size smaller after using Aliens Foot
Ease, a powder. 1t makes tight or new
shoes easy. Cures swollen, hot, sweating
aching feet, ingrowing nails, corns and
bunions. All druggists and shoe stores
75c. Trial package FREE by mail Ad-
dress Allen S. Olmsted, Leroy, N. Y.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
Cheap Eastern Excursions.

The Santa Fe will sell round trip tick
cts from Colorado points to Chicago. St
Louis, Kansas City and intermediate
points; also. to points in Oklahoma. Mis-
souri,, Illinois. Michigan and Wisconsin,
at rate of one fare plus $500 on June 9Th
7th 18th, 14th and daily. June gath to Sep
tember 18th; final limit October 3lst. New
and improved train service. Ask your
nearest ticket agent for particulars, or
address, ]. p. Hall, general agent. Den
yer, Colorado.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
Proof Presumptive.

A Mohawk Valley justice of the
peace invariably gave judgment for
the plaintiff in civil suits before him,
without hearing the defendant, si-
lencing that unfortunate litigant with
well, vot I links he sue you for II
you don't owe him?"
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
A Punctured Superstition.

Swift-I'm sure Friday must be an
unlucky day. l lost my purse with ten
pounds in it on Friday. Don't you
call that bad luck?
Shaw-Yes; bad luck for you But
what about the fellow who found it,
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
Up in the Air.

Casey-Did you say that Brannigan
had quit?
Cassidy-Aye! He left his place
lasht week.
Casey-Shure, he told me he had
loife job.
Cassidy-So he did Twas in
quarry he wurks, an the blast wint
off befoor he knowed it.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
Had Him Convenient.

81 have a feeling that the devil is
present in this meeting to-day" said
the minister.
"Amen!" cried an old brother from
a far corner. you've got him in
close quarters. Lock the doors and
give him where he comes from"
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for Children
Successfully used by Mother Gray, nurse
In the Children's Home in New York. Cures
Fsverishness, Bad Stomach, Teething Dis
orders, move and regulate the Bowels and
Destroy Worms. Over $4,000 testimonials.
At all druggists, Csc. Sample FREE. Ad-
dress Allen s. Olmsted, Leroy, N. Y.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
Purchased Scenery.

A story is told of man in Massa-
chusetts who sold a serubby farm for
$12, 900, although its value was not
more than 81 900.
him.
Well" he replied. 81 had $1,000
worth of farm and 1000 worth of
view"
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

Ranch News" is the name of a new
farm paper recently started in Denver.
Send to the publishers, P. o. Box 366,
for free sample copy.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
What He Needed.

What's this thing?" asked a man
who was inspecting music en-
porium.
That? Oh. that's used on violins.
We call it a chin-rest."
Gimme one!" exclaimed the visitor
Suppose it would work on my wife?"
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

what is college bred, pop?" "Col-
lege bred, my son. is something which
requires a lot of dough to make"
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
THE HUMOR OF LIFE
LATEST WORK TURNED OUT BY
THE WORLDS FUNMAKERS.

Mrs. oFIynn's New AiIment-Co Coming
of the second Baby Woke Parents
from Their Dream-What Broke Up
the Ping Pong Social
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

Mrs. O'Rourke-Sure, and ye look
bad since ye broke up housekeepin',
Mrs. O'Flynn.
Mrs. OFlynn-Yes, Oi have tn fur
nished room-itism now
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

Ido not believe Piso's Cure for Consumption
has an equal for coughs and colds.-JoHN F
BOYER, Trinity Springs. Ind. Feb. 10. 1900
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
Advantage of Variety.

He-Don't you ever get tired of be-
ing made love to?
She-I might If it were always the
same man.-Detroit Free Press.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
MISS BONNIE DELAN0
A Chicago Society Lady, in a
Letter to Mrs. Pinkham says:

"DEAR Mrs. PINKHAM: of all the
grateful daughters to whom you have
given health and life, none are more
glad than 1.
my home and my life was happy
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

For frost-bite. chilblains. sore and lame
joints, stiffness of muscles-try Hamlin's 8
Wizard Oil. 1t won't disappoint you!
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

Cant you stop your little brother
from cryingp mo, l have been
punchin' him fer der last five minutes
and he won't stop"
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

A New York Judge has decided that It
is not slander to say that man cheats
at cards. In some parts of the country.
however. 1t is suicide.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

MANAGER 5eEsS hsrss so, qOSDsy SSGsyne
for drinks and cars strictly lawful takes place of
forbidden slot machines. thereby hllinR a long-felt
want Rented or sold on easy payments Sells at
sight. Forty thousand now in use. CONRAD
JACKSON DESK CO., Cincinnati, Ohio.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

According to the market reports beef
is firm, but according to the experience
of most of us it is worse than that-it is
tough.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

To Cure a Cold in One day.
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund money if it fails to cure. 25c.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

Sarah Bernhardt is said to be growing
fat She may have to quit playing Ham
let and take up the character of Fall
staff.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

OF course every Kentucky congressman
has made a speech denouncing the water
cure in the Philippines.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

Some men seem to think that the milk
ties.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

An optimist is a man who believes tina
all eggs will hatch.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

Now doth the wise old hen smile as she
percheth on the back fence and observeth
the man next door make his garden.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

The Ranch News" published in
Denver, is a handsome twelve-page
farm paper. Send for free sample copy.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

Even if man is a poor thinker he may
be a good whistler
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24
Wanted 1t Good.

Tramp-Lady, I'm hungry enough to
eat a house.
Kind Lady-What kind?
Tramp-Porter-h r-house.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup
For children teethng, softens the gums reduces In
nammaton, allays pain, wind coiic 25c bottle.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

Real estate dealers lives should be
filled with good deeds.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

Hall's Catarrh Cure
Is taken internally. Price, 75c.
Idaho Springs siftings., 1902-05-24

$50 A WEEK AND EXPENSES
to men with rig to introduce our Poultry goods.
Send stp. Javelle Mfg Co., Dept D, Parsons, Kan.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03
Got the Beer and Whisky.

Ottawa, kas., July l.-When
police court opened this morning
there was stacked up many barrels,
kegs and cases of beer, whisky and
alcohol which the officers collected
last week. The raid was made on
the drug stores of &. Il. Cowdery
and j. l.. Youngberg. When
court opened the Marshal reported
the following goods confscated:
Six barrels of beer, seven cases and
1O7 bottles on ice; one full barrel
of whisky; one two-thirds full sew
eral kegs and cases; one barrel and
keg of alcohol. Besides there was
a cart load of "emptles." Young
berg and Cowdery were released
on their own recognizance. Both
cases were set for next week.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03
Report of State Treasurer.

Jefferson City, Mo. June 30
The monthly report of State Treas
urer Il. p. Williams for the month
of June, 1902, is as follows: Bal
ance, May 81, 1902, 50 ,525, 9S1 90;
receipts for June, including trans
fers, 1921 1872 %; disbursements
for June, 1902 including transfers,
$243, 80. A balance June 30, 1902,
s. 534 ,3l3.Sl.
The report of the State Treas
urer for the quarter ending June
30, 1902, is as follows: Balance,
March 81, 1902, $2,2lS, Plata; re-
ceipts for second quarter, includ-
ing transfers, 1854, IA .63; dis
bursements second quarter, includ-
ing transfers, $66S, 7l0.56; bal
ance, June 30, 1902 So 534 ,313.S1
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03
State Tax Receipts.

Jefferson City, Mo-, June 3d.
Secretary of State Sam b. Cook
reports having received and paid in
to the State Treasury taxes and
fees for the month of June, 1902,
as follows: NOtarial commissions,
800; domestic corporation tax,
corporation tax, $lS, 2220; foreign
corporation tax, $3.50; miscellan-
eous fees, $56S 80; land depart
ment fees, $3l 40; recording rail-
road contracts, 1920. 40; bank in
spection fees, 81, 525 ,25. Total,
$2l ,463,
This amount exceeds by several
thousand dolla"S the salary of the
Secretary of State and the salary
of the clerks in the department for
an entire year.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03
Lifts Tariff on MARRIAGES.

Carlyle, Ill.,, June 29.-No char
ges will be made for performing
marriage ceremonies by James
Williamson, Police Magistrate in
this city.
Magistrate Williams says: Fl
am Democrat, and opposed to all
combines and trusts. The way to
break such combinations is to re-
move the tariff, therefore propose
to take the duty off marriage cere-
monies. | will marry all couples
who apply at my Office free of
charge for an indefinite period"
The usual fee here for tying nup-
tial knots is So.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

THERE were seven rows in the
United States Senate during the
session of Congress just closed.
The last was Monday of this week
when Bailey Of Texas assaulted
and choked Beverdgc of Indiana.
Make both of them stand before
the Senate and apologize and
shake hands or eXpel them.
Time to put stop to these dis
graceful doings.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

a Kansas City brewery has re-
ceiyed the contract for 1000 bar
rels of beer for the soldiers home
at Leavenworth Kansas. 1t seems
strange remarks the Vandala Mail
and Express, that the government
has to furnish beer to a soldiers
home; it is also strange that 90
barrels day are necessary. 1t
is also strange that the govern
ment of the United States could,
without leave of the state of Kan
sas, import into that state articles
which are prohibited by the state
law. But the people are not much
surprised at anything which hap
pens in Kansas.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03
Trustees Sale.

Whereas Carl Klamcrth and Erncstina
klamcrth, his wife. by their certain deed
of trust, dated August "a 1901. and re-
corded at Book No. -, at Page AS. for
deeds of trust in the office of Recorder
for Audrain county. Missouri. did convey
all Of the west half ~ of the southwest
quarter "a Of section seven t1D township
fifty ClO) north. range eight 81 west. cX-
ccptng tifty-tivc tIj) acres off the south
end thereof said land conveyed being Di
vision No. Of county survey No COS aud
containing 40 i1lm acres more or less. to
secure the payment Of u certain note in
said deed Of trust described: and whereas
it was provided in said deed Of trust that
said property was clear and free of all
general and special taxes and that the
same had always been and thereafter
should always be promptly paid. and in
case there should be any taxes then In ar
rcarS or in case there should be any de-
fault in the punctual payment Of the
same at any time thereafter then the
party of the third part in said deed of
trust named could pay same and all
amounts SO expended should become a
debt due additional to the note aforesaid
and secured in like manner: and whereas
taxes were then due on said land and
taxes also became due thereafter, all Of
which said ErncStna klamc nth and Carl
klamcrth refused to and did not pay,and
whereas said third party in said deed of
trust named paid said taxes and there
after said Erncstina Klamcrth and Carl
klamcrth refused to and did not make
payment to said sthird party of said
amounts so paid and expended: and,
whereas, said note is past due and I'M
paid and the terms of said trust other
wise broken l. the undersigned truscc,
will at the east door Of the Court House
at the City Of Mexico. Audrain county,
Missouri. on
FRIDAY. JULY II, 1902,
between the hours Of 10 a. M and D. IN.
of said day sell said land to the highest
bidder for cash to satisfy said trust.
NJ. b. Guthrie. Trustee.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

A Washington city correspond
ent is urging that every friend of
the brute creation should prompt
ly forward to his or her senator
and representative an emphatic
protest against the bill recently
reported by the House committee
on Commerce and which has for
its object the extension of the
period for which cattle intransit
may be kept without rest, food or
water from % hours to 40 hours.
The suffering which will be occas-
sion these dumb creatures by the
passage of the law is appalling.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03
Trustees Sale.

Where as. Daniel w. Littrcll and Julia
a. Littrcll, his wife. on the 3lst day of
October. 1894, by their certain deed of
trust. recorded in Book for trusts No. IL.
Page 10, in the Recorders office for Au-
drain county. Missouri. conveyed to l.. =.
Crglcr. trustee, the following described
real estate, situated in Audran county.
Missouri to-wit:
South 90 acres of lot No. two % of the
northwest quarter of section 81. township
81 north, range 8 west.
Which said conveyance was made in
trust to secure the payment OF certain
note therein described and. whereas. de-
fault has been made in the payment of
said note. and as the trustee has rcmov-
ed from the county of Audrain. now,
therefore, |, the Sheriff of Audrain COun-
ty, become his successor and at the re-
qauSt of the legal holder of said note
and by virtue of the authority in me
vested, will. between the hours of 0 o clock
in the forenoon and o'clock p. IN. on
FRIDAY, JULY H., 100?
at the east front door of the Court House
in Mexico, Audrain County, Missouri, sell
the above described property at public
auction to the highest bidder. for cash.
to satisfy said debt and costs of executing
this trust QUINCY JAMES.
Sheriff Of Audrain County.
Acting TruS tee
Born, to s. b. Reighley and
wife, a daughter.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03
Soldiers not to Blame.

At Democratic county cOnven-
ton in Indiana the other day some
plain talk was heard from Il re-
turned Philippine soldier which
was not on the program. David
+. Allen, recently breveted major
by President Roosevelt for praise
worthy conduct as soldier in the
islands, took the platform unexpect-
eddy and said among other things:
ri want you to understand me that
this war was wrong in its cOncep-
ton, and it is wicked to continue its
prosecution. 1t was born of a theory
of government that is wholly un
American, is contrary to the con
science of our government and the
declaration of independence and its
continuance is worse than criminal.
Grievous wrongs are being done
but they mnst not be charged up
to the army. The army must be
upheld, but get behind the army at
those who are using it to drive the
American Republic into the ranks
of monarchical governments.
This is the sensible view. The
soldiers did not originate or define
the policy that has had such deplor-
able and dishonoring results. They
merely obeyed orders-theirs not
to reason why. Back of the army
and inspiring it were the national
administration and the imperialists
congress.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

The Brooklield Gazette puts it
correctly in the following; Stick
to your farm. a five or six thOus-
and dollar farm is fara better, safer,
surer, healthful investment than
i'll town store with equal capital.
The man behind the pillow is more
independent than the man behind
the counter. 1t is just as digni-
fled to pillow and plant, to milk
and NOW, rs it is to tie up sugar,
hand down Il spool of thread or
put up package of crackers. The
farmer who envies the merchant,
the, manufacturer or the town
worker in general, has certainly
got the wrong view of his own oc-
cupation ms well as of theirs.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

JUDGE Wofford thinks Kansas
City needs Il whipping pOst-fOl
fathers, and some mothers, too, -
those parents who neglect their
children and let them get into the
courts. Many parents won't even
see that their children are kept
clean, "and," observed Judge Wof-
ford, "unless boys are kept clean
they are bound to go to the devil. "
Let some Mexico parents not fret
futher over the enforcement of the
curfew ordinance and look well
that they are doing every duty by
their children.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03
CHAMP CLARK'S VISIT.
Asks Roosevelt to Come to
Missouri.

Washington, June 30.-Rcpre-
sentative Champ Clark of Missouri,
called ut the White House to-day
to bid the President his annual
farewell, at the same time inviting
him to spend his vacation in Mis-
souri, this summer.
Mr.. Clark also added that the
Democrats had no fear as to the
outcome of the fall elections and
would not object, in the least, if
he would stump the State during
his stay in Missouri.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

w. j. STONE of Missouri told
the Indiana Democrats in Il speech
last week that they shirked II duty
in not indorsing the Kansas City
platform. Right, W.T.. the man
who calls himself n Democrat and
who will not speak out for his par
tvs platform is--to say the least
an assistant Republican. The Re-
pnblicans all speak ont for their
platform, and good Democrats
may profit by the example.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

The Democrats of the House in
caucus at Washington City last
week arraigned the Republican adj
ministration for its failure TO pass
any antitrust legislation or any
measure for the relief of Cuba and
went on record against adjourning
before such legislation is passed.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

The Audrain Teachers Institute
adopted this resolution last week;
"That we favor the consolidation
of our country districts and free
transportation Of all pupils to
school" This reform is coming
sooner than the MESSAGE expected.
The MESSAGE was the first paper
in the county to begin the agita-
ton of this question.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

THE jackson county Democracy
at Kansas City last week endorsed
Hon. w. ii. Wallace for United
States Senator repudiated aid to the
State campaign fund from corpor-
atoms and favored the election of
Senators by direct vote. OF course
the national platform of 1900 was
endorsed.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03
Audrain Courts.

CIRCUIT COURT 3rd Monday in
January, 1st Monday in June,
Sd Monday in September.
COUNTY CoURT-lst Monday
II February, LIST Monday in May,
lst Monday in August, 1st Monday
in November.
PROBATE CoURT-2d Monday in
January, I'd Monday in March, I'd
Monday in May, I'd Monday in
September.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

THE Globe Democrat is carrying
on Il campaign of abuse against the
Democracy in this State. That
has always been the policy of the
GID. 1t has never won, in 30
years, and never will. If the Re-
publicans of Missouri are thinking
of carrying the State this fall they
would better silence the old CD.
forthwith and at once.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

THE time is coming when some
action will be demanded regarding
the hitching racks around the
square. The County Court should
take n little interest-loOk into the
matter and see if the situation can
not be improved.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

KANSAS City is talking of cot
ton mill to cost SIC, 600, 900. Give
this town one a little smaller in pro-
portions and wen be satisfied for
awhile.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03
CONGRESS- adjourned Tuesday.

AN Ohio man has located hell in
the sun. Now if he can keep out
of the place, that will be better
than his discovery.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

Down at Louisiana they run
their saloons night and day and
Sunday too, and the saloons have
rooms where men gather and gam
BILE. High time for the better
element of that town to be waking
up u little.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

If Edward VII. were one of I'm
Gle Sans honest horny handed
farmers he would most likely be
free of the govt and have good
health otherwise and he would be a
king besides.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03
Notice Of Final Settlement.

All creditors and others interested In
the estate of W. c. Squirting, deceased,
are notified that the undersigned, admin
istrator Of said estate, intends to make u
final settlement Of said estate at the next
term Of the Probate Court of Audrain
county. to be holden at Mexico. in said
county. on second Monday in August,
1902. II. T. Squirting,
Administrator.
Mexico Missouri message., 1902-07-03

NEVER before in the history Of
the county was there a livelicr stir
in real estate circles. Land prices
advancing.