Sunday Washington globe., 1902-04-27

Henry Castles department known as the
Sixth Auditors Office of the Treasury. is in
a turmoil as usual but the present affair, or
rather affairs are a l-e-t-t-l-e out Of the ordi-
nary Our old friend Virgins Of Texas,
has again put his foot in it, and two weeks
ago was thrown out upon the cold charities
of a heartless world. Virgins, who is one
of the best natured Of men and liked by all
the clerks he has associated with, and he
has associated with them ALL as he has
been one time or another in every depart
menl Of the Government since his debut or
rather transformation from a Texas steer"
into Government clerk in the first Cleve-
land administration.
Now everybody who knows Mr.. Virgins
likes him and regards his pleasantries as
harmless and his sometimes awkward at
tempts at wit, not perhaps funny, but at
least, innocent of any intention to be often
sive. Because Of his peculiarities Virgins
can say and do things without reprOof or
ofTense for which another man would be
called down instanter.
The clerks of both sexes in the de-
partments know all these things and
make proper allowance Tor poor, good
natured and harmless Virgins. It must
not be inferred that Mr. Virgins is
buifoon or blatherskite. On the contrary
he is a typical Texas gentleman with the
personal attributes peculiar to Virgins.
Mr. Virgins has penchant for compli.
menting the ladies. He likes the ladies as
every we'll bred gentleman should and does,
Hence when Miss Bertha Burns passed his
desk a vision of loveliness and a dream of
delight Wiggins felt called upon to respond
TO her winning smile with some fetching
and appropriate compliment Virgins
1oaldu't think on the spur Of the moment
Of a suitable expression so he naturally
scratched his head and it came instanteT.
Noticing the beautiful little gold watch sus-
pended by a clasp on the bosom of Miss
Burns, he exclaimed
II wish my head was a watch"
Miss Burns, who knew Virgins, very
properly smiled at the intended and
poetic" compliment making the usual al
lowance for Virgins and passed on. Mrs.
Electra Smith, however, overheard the
Wigginsism and it is alleged she thought il
too significant if not improper. The remark
was conveyed to Big Chief Johnson of the
division aud finally the ears of the sanity
Castle and Mrs. Moody. A court of inquiry
was the result and Wiggins was hauled up
on stretcher. He was so amazed at the
deductions made from his intended compli-
ment that he collapsed and was unable to
offer any defense other than that he meant
no harm. Miss Bertha Burns, to do that
excellent Young lady justice, generously
came to the front and endeavored to save
poor Virgins. She begged aud pleaded
that the remark might be overlooked, con-
sidering the man who made it and his
evident innocence of any intentional
offense. But all to no purpose. The court
Of inquiry unanimously voted that Wiggins
| should be dismissed from the service and
"6red" he was accordingly Wiggius didn't
care so much about the job, as in due time
if he wants to he will bob up sereneiy in
some one Of the other departments, If not
| now then assuredlV when David B. Hill and
a Democratic administration rules the roost
but he naturally hates to be dropped uuder
such circumstances.