The St. Mary banner. (Franklin, Parish of St. Mary, La.) 1889-1931, 1902-03-15
Mr.. Rooterby's Resolution.
Nr. Rooterby was q jack.
A NEW YEARS STORY.

That was what everybody said, and
of course, what everybody says is
true, whether it is or not.
Nor was Mr.. Rooterby a Jack be.
cause his first name was John, and
oil Johns are by the rule Of diminu.
tives Jacks.
Not at ell. Mr.. Rooterby was jack
because his ears were abnormal, and
he showed other signs of an ineradica-
BILE stupidity.
"Bein' as you air the best boarder
I've got, ever did have, or expeck to
have" remarked his landlady many
times during the years he had been
occupying her second-noor front, 81
won't say as how you air a plum silly,
Mr.. Rooterby, but I'd be most sure to
II you wasn't the kind of gent you air
in every other respeck. Indeed.
would, Mr.. Rooterby. and the good
Lord knows amt the woman to do
prive a man of his just deserts. seein'
that my poor, dead husband was one
Of the Lords chosen. don't care If
people did say I had to keep boarders
SOS we wouldn't starve to death or go
on the county"
Some of the boarders we're much
more emphatic in their remarks than
was the landlady.
IF Rooterbyy" said the prominent
politician who sat across the table
fr6m him, wasn't such an internal
fool, he would have married rich
woman long ago, and been member
Of congress from this district. He
would have also had comfortable
home instead Of plugging away in a
beastly old boarding house. II
had his chances for about seven min
utes you bet I'd corner the conven-
tion and get the nomination or break
q bank in the attempt"
SO It would appear that Mr.. Root
erby was q jack, or q silly old fool.
with the accent on the profane penul-
innate, all on account Of his persistent
celibacy. .....
Let us examine into the testimony
against Mr. Rooterby. A man of so.
60 well preserved that he didn't look
it by ten years; a man of affairs and
a comfortable competence; q man
of good habits and good family; q
man Of domestic tastes and somewhat
sedentary life; man Of some per-
sonal pulchritude and Of excellent
education; q man considerably above
thss average in all that makes q man
worthy of the name, except in respect
Of The persistent celibacy referred to
above.
This.being q fair presentation of the
testimony in the case Of public opinion
agslnst Rooterby. the jury will re-
turn a prompt verdict to the effect
that Mr.. Rooterby Is guilty with evi-
dent malice aforethought prepense.
Il VOW" said Mr.. Rooterby, solemn
~, in the presence of witnesses, that
l Wouldn't propose marriage to any
woman On earth. What the dickens"
Mr.. Kooterby was = vestryman and
couNs not be too emphatic-"do want
withsa wife. I'd like to know? Here I
am pAst 40 years Of age"-Mr. Rooter-
by yswas Just shade sensitive on the
sub3Nct Of age, and still didn't want
to appear silly about -"living serene
" md comfortably. with nothing to
disturb me- and no one to question
my noyements or my motives. What
I have h ny own, and 1t 10 not con-
stant3Y undergoing process Of drain
age to meet the extravagance OF peo-
pie Tor whom would be to Z large
extank n responsible. n In fact ! am
monarch of all I survey, as . bache-
lors and Ill were . married man.
thef(s no telling what kind Of :
slave tos o. woman's foibles and fan
cissf niyht be called on to be. There
forl. Hhen I am perfectly satisfied and
AZ happysassa man can be in this vale
Of teSFS, what IN thunder Is the use
Of trying''to change the conditioner"
What s@Neereotyped old argument 1t
Is, tzny, - yet II serves It's purpose
llnel Sad g IN armor Of defense be-
hind Which more. bachelors hide than
any - perhaps. unless poverty be
consi0 Srel - one.
A. Chrlstmas Mr.. Rooterby had
given the pretty tryepriter tn his