The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1902-01-20
SUICIDAL IMPULSE.
Former Victim of the Sensation Tells
Of Its Tortures.
fNew Orleans Times-Democrat)

tNew Orleans Times-Democrat
Speaking OF curious phases of DsvchoI-
ogy, said an Alabama citizen. I think
can put my own experience in for 4
Ialriy good claim, and 10 has had the
effect of making me much more svn7Da-
thetic in dealing with men who Weld TO
the weaker impulses. ! was a regular
sIullOn Tor many years, perfect speci-
men OF the commanding element /
never could get enough TO eat I ate
everything in sight and felt like the only
thing fellow could get out of this world
was what he could crowd into his st0m-
ach. 1 was doing indoor work all the
while. and the result was a wrecked con-
sutuLOn IN few years The curious
part Of the thing is that I did not merely
nave the usual vain imaginings of the
0ySpeptlc, but ] actually had a suicidal
impulse that was controlling me II was
me dominant idea of my mental being
wanted TO die, and ] wanted the public to
know that ! had plunged into volitiOn.
Inc manifestations OF this impulse were
peculiar, and they present an interesting
series Of psychological phenomena. since
j can look at them in the whittier lights of
reason For instance. if got on a street
car / would find myself pulling the win
dow down in order to keen from iumDi0e
out OF the car / would frequently have
20 hurry down side street in order to
keep from throwing my body under
street car. If I got on a railroad train
TO 90 any distance from home 7 would
pun down the window in order to arrest
the suicidal impulse. The roar Of the
dashlng train. the puff and shrek OF the
engine, the heetlng vista and the click OF
tne wheels as they rushed over the rails
all these things seemed to intensity nv
desire 10 cut life's cord. and the only WAY
] could arrest the impulse would be 10
close the window and pull the shade
down Ny physician finally advised me TO
travel Is much as possible. and ne recon-
Iaeloed ZIP 10 Europe ] had not been
perfectly frank with him. because the
state OF my mind was q source Of secret
humiliation. and hence his advice was
not IN harmony with the best interests OF
MS pauent- But. at any rate. I concluded
that would take the trip and I bought
me a ucket After getting the J4,aet
began 10 think more seriously about the
matter There / would be aboard a vessel
al sea miles from the shore. and nothing
but The hmitleSS and roaring ocean an
around the vessel. I remembered the inn
pulse. / knew what would happen. Wife
said on returning home one evening L
am not going to Europe Her face
frightened in a minute. No ] Continued
you know the unhappy state Of my mind
am certain I could not resist the TENN
tauOn 10 jump into the sea. and CON
Guided 1 had better remain at home She
na0 designed as much. because she knew
more about my case than the doctor and
IL was evident to me that she was very
gao nad abandoned the idea Of going
GOT rid or my ticket and remained at
nome In q few months I became rnuch
better, and the suicidal impulse was re-
paced bE craving TO live as long as
nature would allow. But the experience
mas Softened my nature somewhat. and
nave world of sympathy for the men
ana women who yield to these weaker i'm
pulses. and / am sure they are not always
10 oiame Tor what happens To them