West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1902-03-13
DOWSER IN HISTORY.
He Would Have Been Spread over
Ten Pages at Cost of One
Hundred Dollars
Had Not the Book Agent Gotten Drunk
and Made a Mess OF Il

evening he dldn hoyc"that tired fcolinc '
To warn Mrs. Bowscr that ne proposed q "a
ktck row over the gas bills but ON the
contrary, lac was stepping high and swollcd
up with Importance. She knew in an In.
slant that some one had been aattcrine
him. aud that Il she ouy gave him rope
enough hc would explain alt lie looked
at her and talked 60 her in patronizing
way throughout the dinner hour aud ho
appeared to bc on his guacd against letting
himself down When dinner was over. hc
/ lighted his cigar aud paced back aud forth
/ across the sitting room with his head up
/ and shoulders SCARED and the cat made
/ up her mind that he had either fallen heir
TO big fortune or had discovered that
one OF hs ancestors was az the helm of
| Noah's ark during good share of the
voyage. Az last he spoke.
"Mrs. Bowscr hc began, 'if you are
not too busy this evening ! should Ike
your help Tor few minutes
Certainly she replied
There was a gentleman la the office
this afternoon with a book entitled Ills.
toric Men OF America As 1t bas not
been issued yet, of course YOU have not
heard oft Perhaps | should have said a
proposed book
'Well3"
The idea is to make book OF 500
pages. The lives of fifty OF the most
prominent men In America arc to be
written up, and each will On ten pages
IL is TO be vory exclusive work bound In
gilt and morocco, and selling for $40 per
volume. have been selected as one Of
the City to De written up
YES"
And want you to help me recall the
| leading incidents OF my lie aud make
little sketch for the historian to go by"
How much is It going to cost YOU ="
she asked.
81 take ten OF the books at $40 each
lie would have been glad to write me up
free OF cost bat OF course we want at
least ten of the books. lie came all the
way from Boston to see me. aud should
/ repeat one-half Of the nice things hc
said you would think me couccitcd. Let
ms sec what VIC can get up You know
my Iiie as we'll as / know my self"
Mrs Bowser drew long breath looked
at him iu pity and after "a moments
thought she said
well az the age Of ten years which is
probably going back far enough you were
kicked in the stomach by COW and laid
up for two weeks, as you have often re-.
lated. That Is the beginning OF your
history"
Woman do you mean 20 Insult me 2"
he exclaimed as be- flushed
"Of course not II this is to- bc a history
Of
Don't thc histories Of Washington record
the cherry tree incident The next thing
TO happen to you was when you we're
twelve years old you fell into tile family
cistern'
Are you talking in sarcasm r" he asked
rs he elarcd a her
"Not az all Every history OF every
great man goes back to his boyhood
Don't we read that Homer rescued a cat
from the jaws Ola dog when he was only
iouI years old All these early incidents
are supposed TO have bearing on mans
character Let me sec. at fourteen you
fcli in love for the first time and wanicd 60
commit suicide by swallowing box Of
blning because the gir played tag with
another boy"
BY thunder, but you want 10 make out
that I'm an ass shouted Mr. Bowser as
he bobbed around on bis chair
Nothing OF the sort" she smillngly
replied. You were making history at
very youthlui period and il should all go
into the book Az 6fcen. as I have often
heard you say, you attended your FIRST
circus. and a camel ate % your straw bat.
At sixteen you fell in love with yonr Aunt
Margaret aud wanted her to ciopc with
you AZ seventeen"
stop Numbered Mr. Bowser as be
brought bis fist down ON the table with
such force as to lin the cat OF the noor.
DO you suppose such twaddlo as that is
90 pass into history lfi did the reader
would take me Tor fool
Well we'll skip few years then.
replied Mrs. Bowscr "At tbc age OF
twenty one YOU rescued a calf from drown.
ing. J., was very heroic action on your
part a few months later you challenged
young man to Gght o duel because hc
called your sweetheart rcdheadcd. and it
WAS not your fault that ho failed TO be ON
rhc ground At the age Of twenty-five
Lightning struck neighbour barn and but
Tor you a mule would have pcrishod BOO the
flames a year later
Hold oni' hc hoarscly whispered
Hold on where you arci ] msht have
known how things would have come out
lf Jou Insult me further . may forget tbat
you are ny VIII"
But who has insuItcd YOU ~ you arc
going Co make up ten pages of history. you
viii have Co make use Of all tho incidents
happening in your lifs what has hap.
pcncd to you io the last twcnty scars. for
instance, You fcl boz love with and
married mc you bought % hog. sou bought
q COW. yon bought chickens y1u bought
6rc escapes and spring tonics and root
beer runaway horses and O. bike and you.-."
MADAM. go up Co your room said Mr
boWscr ass he arose and pointed to the
ccdne.
"Bot wan, Co help you 90 recall.
900 up-g got
"At the age Of lvcniy-thrce you wanted
90 hang yourself in The cow.shed because -"
"I say go "'
Mn Bouser went 3, was The only way
to avoid a row. She lcit ST.. B9rsef pacing
up and down and thc ends ofbis bair curling
and snapp.ne hat .he baa scarcely reached
hcr room, when the doobcl rang. Thc
historian bad come ,o see Mr BJwscr about
fu'i length portrait for tc book The
historian bad stopped ai Eve or SIS saloons
ou the way and he bad arrived with wheels
boz h.s head. lie bad only go, seated Iu The
back parlor when those wheels began To- go
round and hc looked 40 Mr Bsw.cr ie
helpless way and asked
care you Mr Bowsher or-or the other