Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1902-06-24
SOME IRISH SLIPS,
Fresh Yarns Proving the Keen Wit Of
Hibernians.


Fresh Yarns Proving the Keen Wit Of
Hbernans.
y writer in the London Spectator has
gathered number of Hibernianisms,
which he set down for the entertain
ment of appreciativc readers:
My first story is one of the late
queen, says he. on her return from
her last visit to Northern Italy thu
Bishop of Winchester and the Dean OF
Windsor were dining with her. when
she remarked to the former: You re-
member that before | started for Italy
you urged me not to fail to visit the
conventional church at Assist. l bore
this in mind, and was greatly i'm
pressed with all saw there. had one
droll experience, too, for as I was be-
ing conducted through a very chilly
corridor by one of the monks / said to
him: Don't You often feel the draughts
very trying, wearing the tonsure as
You do?' | received my answer not in
Italian, but in these words: No,
madame: | can't say that | suffer in
that way at all. AS you must be
aware, we Irish are rather a ot-head-
ed race
Another story of Dublin Castle: Mr..
A C, Lord Carlsle's wittiest
aide de camp, was i'll and in bed one
day, and seemed to have lost his tenn
per with one of the servants. A
meeting in aid of The Sick and Indi-
gent Roomkeepers' was going on in Il
neighboring building, and he presently
heard the following dialogue IA little
way down the passage: And who were
You bringing the request to. Hiddy?'
"'Only to that sick and indignant
roomkeeper, Mr.. c."
DR.. H, who possessed a very pro-
nounccd snub nose used to tell this
story against himself: When l was
dispensary doctor down in the coun-
try'-he spoke as a Dublin physician
in good practica-'I was once mounting
my horse, when an old beggar woman
began Fostering me for money. l was
in Il hurry to be off, and perhaps
showed my impotence of her i'm
portunity in too marked manner. She
suddenly stopped begging and thus de-
livered herself. very deliberately, be-
fore the group of hotel hangers-on
who were standing to see me off:
We'll. the Lord presarve yer cyesight.
for the divil a nose We have to mount
the specs upon" The unexpectedness
of the above retort. of course con-
stitutes it's strength. 1t was, in fact, a
curse in the disguise of blessing.
here are a few samples of the alb
surdties arising cut of the extreme
simplicity of some Irish folk: A young
man came to confess to an Irish priest
in London whose experiences of the
humors Of his ellow-countrymen
would fill book. well, my man.
said the priest, land how do you earn
your living?"
I'm an acrowbat, your reverence"
The priest was nonplussed.
I'll show you what l mean in Il
brace of shakes" said the penitent,
and in a moment was turning himself
inside out in the most approved
acrobatic fashion in and out of the
pewS.
An old woman who had followed him
to confession looked on Mortified.
when it comes to my turn, father.
she gasped, for the love of God don
put "a penance on me like that; it 'ud
be the death of me-"
1 think it was the same good father
who. observing that regular at
tendance at Lent mission had done
nothing to reform one Of his parish
toner's. told him so, and asked him the
reason of it.
'Ah. father he replied, II can man.
age the faith right enough, but the
| morals bate me-
On another occasion this priest was
called upon to marry a man of whom
he knew nothing to a girl of the con-
gregation. On investigation he found
| the would-be bridegroom's knowledge
of the Catholic faith very limited.
Have you ever been baptized?" he
| asked.
well. father, l can't trust me, memory
| to that"
Are your parents living?v
THE mother is
Lets have her address,
| This was given, and a telegram dis
patched to the old lady on the spot
reply paid. The anwser came in due
| course: "Vaccinated. but not baptized. "
The late Lord Norris was full of legal
stories. but the following did not belong
to his budget. A case of assault came
before Kerry court. In the course
of it the counsel for the defense, when
examining witness for the prosecu-
ton. asked: "And you say the man
who assaulted you is blind, or as good
as blind ?''
Yes. sir"
Then how came he to get into the
scrimmage?"
We'll. counsellor, it wor this way:
Wherever he heard the blows goin' he
slipped in, feelin' for a vacancy, and
when he found it he let fly like a good
4 wan
| But you said just now that there
was a storm of thunder and lightning
going on at the time"
There was so, your honor
"Then suppose it got darker and
darker?''
"Thrue for you, counsellor