davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
glluEER SroRlE5

There are as many different dialects
spoken in China as in Europe.
China raises and consumes more
ducks than any other country in the
world.
Titanium Is the hardest metal. It
looks like copper, but will scratch rock
crystal.
1t takes $500 silk worms to make a
pound of silk, and these worms eat 156
pounds of leaves before they spin their
cocoons.
In Santa Clara, Cal, there is church
constructed from the wood of single
"ak tree The building is thirty feet
vide and seventy feet deep, yet when
It's construction was completed 1900
feet of lumber remains unused.
Many of the fruits and vegetables
now eaten in England were almost un-
known to our forefathers. Not until
Henry NIII.'s time were either raspber-
ries or Strawberries or cherries grown
i'll England, and we do not read of the
tuTnip, caulif1OWer and ounce being
cultivated before the sixteenth century,
or the carrot before the seventeenth
century
The Belgian consul general at Chi
cago has made a report on the magni-
tude of the commerce of cereals there,
from which the following figures are
extracted. 1t is not every American
who realizes the enormous business
done. In the first place, the -four is
expressed in terms of wheat by calling
one barrel of -four the equivalent of
five bushels of wheat The figures of |
show that $4,000, 600 bushels |
of grain were received in the last sta
tistical year. Wheat in bulk was re-
ceived to the amount Of 81, ,OOO,OOO BUSH
els, and maize to the amount of 1884,
coo 900.
Few people have any idea of the enor-
nifty of the insurance business of the
United States. 1t not only exceeds that
of any other country, but Is twice as
great as that of all the rest Of the world
combined. At the present time there is
II the United States about $12, 600, ,OOO,-
DO of life insurance in force, including
assessment business. This means over
'16O for every man, woman and child
n the country, or $500 for every family.
The annual risks written by the fire
insurance companies are estimated at
20 200, 100000, which is $3.50 per cap
"a, or 81, 1,25O per family. Thus it will be
cen that every family in the country
n an average has insurance assets Of
yer $4,000.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
She Had to Diet

Doctors sometimes give their direc-
tions for taking drugs or other treat
ment in language beyond the compre-
hension of the patient. Occasionally
tragic. but more often amusing. mis-
takes occur thereby. Judge tells one
of the amusing kind, although it might
have been uncomfortable, at least.
A small colored girl went to drug
store and said to the clerk, Ma man.
my wants some O. de handsomest dye
ye got"
"The handsomest? repeated the
clerk. "Well, don't know-what does
she want it for?'
"She done got de misery in her
stummick, and de doctor say she must
dye it; and she say if she hab got ter
dye it she want it handsome color"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Old BiHS Last
Memorial Day.
0OnHAT did he give you, BillT

WNW "A hundred dollars"
AS And you're crying about it
Why, fellows look here. A man mad,
rich for two minutes work. and he's ac
tually snivelling over his good luck.'
You don't understand"' quayered ole
Bill Braddock
Maybe he's thinking of the royal treat
he'll set up for the boys to-night--all day
tomorrow, too, Bill. It's a holiday"
Old Bill! Braddock's head went lower
Down dropped his hammer all of a sud
den.
I'm not feeling very well, boys" he
muttered unsteadily. Il guess I'll have
to go home"
The scene was a building half-erectetl
the actors several workingmen engaged
upon the same
Zen minutes previous every man in
the place had looked up in startled dis
may. aS-d0wn the street came tearing a
team of horses attached to a carriage
In its seat, wildly shrieking and clinginy
10 the side of the swinging vehicle was
a child of TO- and she looked death in the
face.
1t was moment calling for prompt
ness. for heroism. Into the breach step
ped old Bill Braddock.
n leap from window ten feet up, a
spring to the road. and then his horri-
ned fellow workingmen saw two beings
in peril instead of one
They shuddereh rs. clutching at the
neckS of the frcnzicd steeds, old Bill
was whipped like playthins under their
feet. Still he held on. Twice. thrice it
seemed that he must be shaken loose un-
der the grinding hoofs. but he clunc
manfully. and thirty yards from the deem
gravel pit in the course. menacing sure
destruction. the horses were brought TO
stop
When his companion workers came I'M
Bill was limp as a rag. \ mist was over
his eyes. for his cxertions had not been
light. Then he was conscious that a
crowd surrounded him. He heard such
words as splendid fellowr' "hero!" and
trembling hand shook his own while
its owner blessed him for saving his
child. and pressed something crisp into |
the pocket of his leathern work apron.
BllIs arm was wrenched and he had ra |
celved one or two bad blows from the
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30

ers under his arm as he struck out from
town. two hours later.
His companions found no boon fellow
awaiting them that night.
Bill was traversing the road to Belle
View-alOne with his soul and God.
The freshness of flowers, of soft
zephyrs, OF happy insect life was all
about him. holy heaven full of stars
twinkled peace into his starving heart.
And he marched forward with new
thoughts and grand thoughts. as he had
once marched at Gettysburg, at Chan
cellorsville, at Manassas Gap.
Forward. msrch!-he had been good
soldier then
Forward. march. some stirring voice
seemed TO tell him he was a braver man
to-hiSht' tramp. tramp. tramping it away
from reckless companions, into all atmos-
phere of pure and holy thoughts.
oh, papa! what a beautiful wreath on
this little grave.
And someone lying beside it,
Early in the morning the general and
his daughter had come to the cemetery.
To ind the first wreath placed on the
grave OF old Bill Braddock's brother.
1T is man-hOw still he lies. Papa,
is he-dead?"
The old general turned the PROSTATE
FORM. The child uttered a sharp. half
frightened cry.
II Is the man-oh, papar' she choked
1T is the man who saved my liSew
The general lifted his hat in reverence.
ms daughter clung TO his side with eyes
brimming with tears.
They could not help but read the story |
true, for they had taken pains to learn |
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30

carriage pole on the head, and he was
confused, but as face like that of
an angel, aureoled with golden hair, look
ed into his own, and pair of soft, young
arms enctrcled his neck, and a childish
voice whispered fearful thanks and a
pair of sweet, fresh lips pressed his bronz-
ed cheek, he seemed to thrill back into
a life where tenderness had ruled instead
OF the reckless riot of late wasted years.
lie heard some one say that he had
saved the life of the only darling child Of
some prominent general. on his way to
lead the memorial exercises of the fol-
lowing morning at Belleview, the next
town. Then he was led by his friends
back TO the building.
sort OF dazed by his shaking up"
commented one OF these. as Bill left his
work. He'll be at the corners tonight,
though. \ liberal fellow of the right
sort is old Bill Braddock. and he'll Just
outdo himself with hundred dollar bill
In his pocket. Mark my words"
Yes, "a liberal fellow" had old Bill
Braddock been all his life. and that was
why at sixty-eight he was without
home. working harder than ever. and
draining the dregs Of life
OF the right sort" surely. for he had
not hesitated to risk his own life to Save
that of an imperilled human being.
Everybody knew old Bill. He had come
back from the war with a record. How
proudly for ten years had he been 4 IA
nsiliar figure about the village, obscuriny
that record by giving all the credit of
this deed and that effort in battle to his
brother!
Then his brother died. and his wife
followed. and n few years later. the gen
tie. witching little golden haired fairy.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Certainly q Conductor.

John Philip Sousa, the bandmaster,
usually wears his uniform at all times
and seasons, and prefers that his men
do the same. A Buffalo paper says
that the practice has led to some very
amusing experiences, and gives the
following as an instance:
One night Mr.. Sousa was standing in
a railway station, on the platform,
waiting for train. A belated traveller
ran up to him and asked excitedIy,
HAS the nine-three train pulled out 2"
Il really don't know" responded Mr..
Sousa.
well. why don't you know?' shout
ed the traveller. What are you stand
ing here for like a stick of wood?
Aren't you a CONDUCTOR?
YES" said Mr.. Sousa, pleasantly,
81 am a conductor"
"A nice sort of a conductor, indeedv
exclaimed the man.
''Well, you see," smilfngly respond
ed the musician, Il am not the conduc-
tor of train, but of-a brass band.n
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30

much of the veteran since the night be-
fore.
He is dead" spoke the general softly,
"but-oh, what happy face"
Gods sweet morning dew was across
it, the smile Of Gods benison of for
giyeness and peace seemed to illuminate
it. The spirit of old Bill Braddock that
had walked with the angels through the
silent night. had gone humbly, pleadingly,
repentantly into the presence of the great
Captain, just as the solemn bells were
ringing in a new Memorial Day.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
English Signs in JaDan.

Here are some curious English signs
in the windows of shops in Japan: The
all countries boot and shoe small or file
wares" "Old curios" Horseshoe
maker instruct by French horse leech"
"Cut hair shop" "If you want sell
watch, l will buy. If you want buy
watch, 1 will sell. Yes. sir, we will. all
will. Come at my shop. Watch
maker Halter native country"
"Antematic of nausea MARINA" "The
house build for the manufacture of all
and best kinds of hats and caps"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
The Wartime Uniform.

All enlisted men wore the blouse for
fatigue dress. 1t is described in the reg
ulations as "a sack coat of dark blue
flannel, extending half way down the
thigh and made loose, four buttons down
the 'front.' The trousers were of sky
blue cloth. those for mounted men being
"re-enforced." and the oyercoat was sky
blue. the color Of the trousers, the capes
of the cavalry coming down to the coat
cuff. The capes of the infantry great
coat only came down to the elbow,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
e Is a good business

You say she is good business
wop.an?"
"Oh, splendid, Incompatible She lets
absolutely nothing drive business out
of her head. Why, just before Harold
started for Europe he proposed to her
by letter and asked her to telegraph her
answer"
s'Well?''
Well, most people would have tele-
graphed Yes or No. but she had
enough of a business head to wire: 1T
affords me great pleasure to say yes
to you, thus preventing the telegraph
company from getting any advantage
of her in charging for ten-word mes
sage" Brooklyn Eagle.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
ThrOuoh His Nos~

"Cholly Lightpayte has changed doc
tors
What was the trouble with the old
one?'
"Cholly thought what allied him WAS
smoking cigaroots on an empty stom-
ach, but when he asked the doctor
about it the doctor told him it was
smoking them through an empty head"
Chicago Tribune.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Improvement.

Don't you think" l inquired Of the
prosperous looking man with the heavy
mustache and watch-chain, who was
dressed in the 14inch balk line suit,
''that the world is getting better?"
"Sure!" he replied, with the frank en-
thusiasm Of success. "Not only better,
but easier.'-Puck
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
The Army Nurse.

If the brave lads, now grown gray and
grim, who braved the battles perils and
lived through months of hospital expert
ence could have their way about it, eyery
woman who ever set foot inside the hos
pital doors with view to comforting
and administering to the sick would be
canonized to-day. There isn't a saint in
the list who would stand ghost of
show beside an army nurse"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Int,midataan.

First Senator-Somethings seems to be
troubling Jones'
His Colleague See that woman with
the eyeglasses and the stern smile in
the gallery2
YES"
That's his wife, and he's got wom-
an suffrage bin In his pocket. Hedoesn't t
know whether to introduce 1t and get
roasted or to sit still and meet her when
the sessions over"
What will he do?''
"Oh, he'll introduce it."-Detroit Free
Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Met Their Match.

Clarence-Well, were your friends
Mrs. Hobbs and Mrs. Dobbs, congen-
ial?
Clara-Oh, Clarence, each found an
opportunity to tell me that the other
was the biggest talker she had ever
met.-Detroit Free Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Didn't Do Things by Halves.
The Brutal Sex.

The Brutal Sex.
Johnnie is such strenuous boy"
remarked the fond mother. He hasn't
sat still a minute this whole blessed
day"
Huh" growled her bachelor brother,
''if he was my kid he wouldn't be able
to sit at all for week.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Well Brought Up.

Grateful Parent-What can do, sir,
to show my gratitude? You have
saved my daughter from drowning.
Rescuer-Don't thank me. Thank
yourself. She owes her life, and owe
mine, to the fact that you brought her
up in Boston.
''Eh?'
''It is very simple. Most girls would
grab rescuer by the neck, and both
would be drowned, but your daughter
modestly waited for an introduction
New York Weekly.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
He Spoke from Exper;ence.

He Spoke from Experiences.
Bobby-Pa, what do they call Il man
who has two wives?
PA bigamist, Bobby.
Bobby-Pa, suppose he has more
than two wives; what is he then?
PA hopeless idiot. Now don't
bother me with any more questions.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Smoking Compartments for Wo1

cHIOhIi1T compartments 1Or W omen
On the Continent smoking Is growing
so rapidly in favor among the fair sex
that on some of the Belgian railroads
smoking compartments are to be pro.
vided exclusively for women. What
has particularly served to bring the
matter before the officials notice is an
incident that recently occurred when
A young woman entered one of the car
riages on the southern railroad resery-
ed for ladies, and In a few minutes af-
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Going to Extremes

Blobbs-Wigwag Is a great stickler
for harmony.
= Slobbs-Yes, he's even going to mar
ry Miss Oldgirl because he thinks she
would go well with his antique furni-
ture.-Ph Philadelphia Record.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Spades Made from Horseshoes.

Chinese spades from British horse
shoes sounds like an absurd statement
but the fact is that shiploads of old
horseshoes leave London for China.
All these come back to London in the
form of spades, having been so trans
formed by the ingenious natives.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Feminine Trio.

''The most troublesome member Of
my flock" said the parson, rs the
young woman who wants a husband"
MY most troublesome client" said
the lawyer, ''is a middle-aged woman
who wants divorce"
''The most troublesome patient
have" said the physician, SIS spin
ster of uncertain age who doesn't know
what she wants."-Chicago News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Double Vision.

{ Judge-Have | not seen you twice be-
fore under the influence Of liquor?
Defendant-If you were In that condi.
ton, your honor, you probably did
see me twice.-Philadelphia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
telegraph Poles in China.

Of the telegraphic poles set up at
ng-Tai and Chung Hsiang in Chihit
by the japanese after the capture of
Peking by the allies. more than thirty
at the former place and no less than
ten at the latter place have been wen
tonly cut off or otherwise destroyed by
the natives.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Not in His Line.

William, wake up!' she whispered.
I'm sure heard a burglar downstairs.
You'd better go down and see."
''A1y goodness, woman" he replied.
sleepily, what low opinion you must
have of me! I'm not in the habit of
hobnobbing with burglars. Catholic
Standard and Times. .
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30

Aunt Becky" al
though her name Is
really Mrs. Sara h
Young.
When S U m t e r
was fired on Anne
Graham was a girl
of Il: her two
brothers aud many
of her friends en-
listed and A mn e
longed to be a man
that she might en-
%nv~ kl .&~E- -sSt,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
An Undesirable lob.

Weary Willie-Say, Tatters how 'ud
you like ter be angel?
Tired Tatters-Nay, nay, Weary. Not
me.
Weary Willie-'Cos why, Tatters?
Tired Tatters-'Cos den I'd have
wings an it 'ud be too much like work
a-fappin' 'em all de time.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Her Side of 1t,

Il wonder why the humorists do not
write any jokes about the son-in-law,"
observed the curious person.
For the simple reason" replied the
mother Of the bride. that a son-in-Iaw
is no joke"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Maxine If Haa vfnr

Manager-I'm afraid this play isn't
quite heavy enough.
Playwright-Wel we might increase
the wait between the acts.-philadel-
phia Record.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30

ter the train had started from Brussels
lit a cigarette and began to smoke It,
"hereupon the other women in the
compartment became very indignant,
threatening to complain to the guard as
soon as the train stopped Il am in a
carriage reserved for ladies'" observed
the smoker blandly, "and 1 am not
aware of any law which prohibits la
dies from smoking" When the train
stopped. the guard was informed of the
proceedings. but was loath to interfere,
and the result was that when the vom
an smoker arrived at her destination.
she consulted a lawyer, who has now
Dy an action in court raised the inter-
esting question: Should railroad COM
panies be compelled to provide separate
smoking cars for women who wish to
smoke while they are travelling? Some
of the companies. however. appear to
have taken time by the forelock and
stand ready to meet this new want.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
That Altered the Case

Stern Father Didn't tell you not to
call again, sir?
Suitor-I know; but l didn't call to
see your daughter. l came on behalf
of our firm about that little bill"
Stern Father-Er-er-call again,
please.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Had Reached the Limit

Mickey-Wot made yer quit yer Job.
Jimmy?
Jimmie-Cos de boss had a record of
all me relations wot died last sum-
mer, an he wouldn't let me use none of
'em over again. If l don't git new
job l can't see no ball games.-Judge.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30

The wormwoOd plant Is a native of
Europe. growing Wild in most parts of
the continent The plant was known to
the ancients. and is extensively used
IN many parts of Germany in the man.
ufacture of beer. to impart a bitter fla
vor to the liquor. thus taking the place,
to some extent, of hops. All parts of
the wormwood plant are bitter. The
French drink known as absinth is
preparation of the worm wood.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Footing the Bill.

Editor Gust getting on train with va
lise)-What do you want now? Do you
suppose I'll stay In this town after be-
ing tarred and feathered?
Citizen-No; and that's Just wby 7
want you to pay this bill. That was nv
tar they used.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Friendly Tin.

-'Oh, dear" exclaimed the girl at the
ribbon counter. I'm SO tired. I do
wish 1 could sit down somewhere"
4 wish to goodness you would go
over and sit ON that fresh foor-walker,'
said the hairpin demonstrator
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30

Elocution is more desirable than
piano playing, for the reason that with
elo=ution, the father of the girl isn't
compelled to buy piano.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
"Aunr eecky."

Short History of Woman Who Ac-
compIished Many Things.
There resides in Des Moines. Iowa.
the oldest and most noted war nurse
living. She is familiarly known as
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.

Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Oser-Sayings that Are Cheer
full to Old or Young-Funny Selec-
tions that Everybody viii Enjoy.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
In the Chean C.f,

Waiter-W'at yer goin' ter have?
Customer tundecided)-Oh. don't
know.
Waiter calling back to the kitchen)-
One hash.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Had Promised to Be.

Harry-Was that your sister l saw
with you last evening?
Dick-Worse than that She has
promised she will be-Boston Tran
script
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Gave Themselves Away,

Gave Themselves Away.
She-And l am really and truly the
first girl you ever kissed?
He-Do you doubt it, darling?
She-Yes; your manner sayors of long
experience.
He-How do you know it does?
Nothing Lacking.
Miss Millyun-One can be very happy
in this world with health and money.
Young Dedbroke-Then let's be made
one. 1 have the health and you have
the money.-London Bits.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
An Unpleasant Precedent.

"All the members of the English roy
al family have been vaccinated."
Il wonder if that establishes a prece-
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30

Very few men dote on other mems
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
One hash.

He-My wife Is strictly orthodox in
her religious beliefs.
Shells that so?
He-Yes; she thinks l am made Of
dust ~
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30

Horrid Fear.
"Well,' said the girls father. sternly,
after the tinid suitor had finally stated
his case, do you think you could sup
port family, young MANI"
Gee whizz"' exclaimed the young
man, have you lost your job?"
One Way of Putting It.
Nell-Have you heard the news about
Ethel? She has got position as dish
washer
Bell-YOu don't mean it,
Nell-1es, l do: she is going to marry
Charlie Thompson.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Never Stopped.

Never Stopped.
Gyer-I dropped my watch in the riv
er and didn't recover it for three days.
1t kept on running, though.
Myer-Pshaw! A watch won't run
for three days.
Gyer-Of course not. 1 was speaking
of the river.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1902-05-30
Tried to Explain IT.

Mr. Flatleigh-Yes; I'm a self-made
man.
Professor Studiosis-Er-um get the
material at a bargain sale?