davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
SINE TransnctIo'n.

u like De pearance o dat turkey
mighty We'll said Mr.. Johnson after
a long and lstful study Of the bird.
The dusky m-ketman seemed strange
~ deaf.
."Ilow cou what arrangements
could Il pGssn make dat wanted to
buy dat turhyY' .Ir. Johnson asked
after pause
Easy terms 'nough." said the mar
ketman briAy. You get him by
means oh n nte o. hand"
"A note o and" repeated Mr.. John
son, brighte. ne up at once. do you
mean writs il out and pays some
time when But his hope In this glo-
rlous prospe, was rudely shattered by
the marketmn.
a note o and means in dis case
he said, Notwithstanding clearness
"dat you hams me two dollar note
Mr.. Johnson. md | hands YOU de tnr
key In respOna to dat note"
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
One Of Dumas Jokes.

Just for Il joke Dumas once address
ed letter 10 the greatest poet IN Tar
is The postotiice sent 1t 10 Lamar
tine the idol of sentimental readers.
lie hcsitated to open ii and took it to
Victor Hugo. who protested that his
brother bard had far too humble an
opinion Of himself. After some CONVEX
satiun they agreed To decide by lot
which Of the two should open the en-
velope The lot fell 10 Victor Hugo.
who. taking out the letter. read. My
dear Alfred" 1t was written to Alfred
de Mussct
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
solid rooa For Scot. Intellect.

The librarian Of the Aberdeen Public
library shows In his annual report
what books rea Hers call for. In one
case 4 labcrer's last thirty books from
the library consisted of two books IN
science, one IN philology, two in sociol
ogy, three poetry, three philosophy
eleven theology and eight fiction. An
other remarkable case is that of an up
holsterer, whose reading in period OF
about two years consisted of one booi
I'm scienfe. one in useful arts, two In
history. five in biography and twenty
six bools of travel.-St. James Gazette
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
The Lncknot neanca.

A subscriber asks. What is a jackpot
that ! read about once in awhile. and
what seems TO be the difficulty in get
ting II openT
\ jackpot is one for properly cooking
fish and is especially recommended for
suckers. Ii has a time lock. over the
combination OF which millions OF Amer
leans have burned the midnight oil in
vain. American Thresherman
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
AN ODD CALLING.
The Professional Business Adviser
and His Methods.

One OF the oldest of occupations Is
that OF the professional business adj
WISER" Ii your affairs are not conduct
ed to your liking. this gentleman for q
consideration will station himself In
your Office In n position to see all that
is going on. He will nose into your af-
fairs for week or longer at your OPP
ton. at the end OF which time he will
"be prepared TO point out the faults OF
your system, employees who neglect
their duties. wastage OF supplies and
time, and suggest means of improving,
extending and conducting your affairs
on sounder basis"
The words quoted are from this mod
est gentleman's advertisement In
brief this man, after weeks observa-
ton. will undertake TO roarrahge the
most complex office systems for a
consideration and give you advice
free. gratis. for nothing" As drown
Ing men catch ut straws. 50 do men
whose affairs are hopelessly and mex
tricably muddled grasp at the chance
this gentleman holds out to them. The
professional business adviser has
plenty OF clients. and nine times out Of
ten his advice to his employer is to
make an assignment for the benefit OF
your creditors" 1t Is the safest coun-
sci he can give.-Philadelphia Times.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
Some Phonetic smelling.

Before we complain of the spelling
of our daughters we should perhaps
take exception TO the pronunciation Of
our fathers. Most of the eccentricities
from their attempts To reproduce words
as they hear them pronounced by their
elders. a child who was told tn make
a list of all the fruits she knew wrote
down. Apis. strorbriz. rarsbriz. gooZ-
bris. bnarners." Another spelled the
word idea, with the addition OF an
r." "Idear." exclaimed her teacher
THAT is funny way OF spelling
idea" Her pupil. however was not to
be outd0ne. II know" she answered
readily. "bnt | spelled it that way for
short. London Chronicle.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
some Famous Ounces.

Literary history is crowded with in
stances of torpid and embarrassing
boyhood Gibbon was pronounced
'dreadfully dull" and the utmost that
was predicted of Hume in his youth
was that he might possibly become n
steady merchant" Adam Clarke. after
ward so deeply skilled in oriental Ian
guagcs and antiquities, was pronounc
ed by his father 10 be IA grievous
Ounce" and of Boileau. who became Il
model for Pope. IL was said that he was
a youth of little understanding. Dry
den was "a great numskull." who went
through a course of education at West
minister. but the stimulating proper
ties of DR.. Busby's classical ferrule
were thrown away upon the drone who
was to be known as Glorious John Z"
London Standard
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15

In one OF the Philadelphia colleges Il
professor of chemistry asked Il student
the other day Now suppose you were
called 10 patient who had swallowed
heavy dose Of oxaic acid. what would
you administer
Il would administer the sacrament"
replied the student. who. 10y the way.
is said TO I've studying for the ministry
and takes chemistry because 1t is OF.
ligatOry. Argonaut.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15

connection between the brain and the
stomach" said the scientific man.
THAT explains it," answered the
humble person who is willing 10 learn
"What?'
THE reason why nearly every politi-
discussed at banquet" Washington
Star
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
A story Of Professor Huxley

Professor Huxley. DR.. Wayland de-
clared. WIS once sitting at dinner be-
side lady who in impassioned tones
asked him whether he did not think it
a very terrible thing that the Rev. Mr..
Jones. tile vicar. should have adopted
the eastward position in administering
the sacrament. My dear lady" he re
piled. Il am told by Sir John Herschel
that to drop Il pea at the end of every
mile OF voyage on a limitless ocean
to the distance of the nearest fixed star
would require feet of 10000 ships.
each Of 600 tons burden. all starting
with full cargo of peas. Now, do you
really suppose that the Maker of the
fixed stars considers this pew position
OF Mr. Jones II serious thingY"
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
An Odd Smile.

Among the unconsciously grotesque
tributespaid to Queen Victoria at the
time her death by the Indian press
was thi unique expression from Hin
doc scrije: Her majesty loved her sub
jects with the strong, maternal affec-
ton witch COW feels for her Off
spring"
The smile would only be pleasing TO
the Enhishman who remembered the
honorable position of the cow and calf
in the 1indoo religion.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
WHAT HE THOUGHT or HIM
4 Postal Card serial story and
Lost SuIt For SIander.


A certain Kansas man, so the story
goes, wanted TO tell a neighbor what
he thought OF him without laying him
self open 10 suit for damages. So he
hit on the plan OF sending him each
day postal card with only one word
written on 1t in large hand, in addl-
ton to the date obscurely tucked away
I'm a corner.
The person receiving the cards rec
ognized the handwriting and, suspect
ing something, kept them until they
stopped coming, when he read them
consecutively In the order OF their re-
ception. What he read was, "Ridicu-
lous old Bill Jones is the meanest cuss
In town." and he ut once instituted IA
suit for SANDER against the sender
The latter's lawyer. however, called
attention to the fact that the postal
card containing ridiculous" though
mailed first, was dated the day after
the date of the card having the word
town" Moreover, careful inspection
would show that after the word ''rl-
dicuous" was an exclamation point
and after the word "town" was an in
terrogation mark, so that the series of
postal cards might be made to read:
"Old Bill is the meanest cuss in town?
Ridiculous!' He claimed, therefore,
that instead Of slandering the plaintiff
his client had defended him from SIAN
der, and this plea was sustained by the
court.
But. all the same, everybody in town
insisted that the first reading of the
cards was the correct one, so that the
writer attained his object
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
The Limit Of ChiYnIrY.

There was once man who zealously
declared that woman has no right to
invade the field of wage earning men.
She should stay AT home. where she
belonged.
Finally his four sisters, three cousins
and two aunts. who were without q
masculine protector gathered about
him and inquired:
Whose home? Yours?'
Whereat he perceived that theory
ends where fact begins Philadelphia
Ledger
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
The Good md the had.

One ought TO balance the good with
the bad and also the length of time
man has lived to form true estimate
OF his character. Polybius. the Greek
historian. has an observation to the
same effect. There Is no reason" says
he, why we should not sometimes
blame and sometimes commend the
same person. for, rs none is always
right neither is it probable that be
should be always wrong"
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
In the Art Gallery.

"Ah." exclaimed Mrs. Oldcastle, who
was again enjoying the splendors OF
her new neighbors' art gallery. "a
Corot, | seer
Where" asked her hostess. looking
doubtfully ut the canvas which seemed
TO claim the others attention.
There" answered Mrs. Oldcastle.
pointing with her lorgnette.
We'll, now, | declare. can't see a
single crow anywhere around. You
don't mean them little black spots in
the left hand corner. do you? Them S
cloudsw-Chicago rd-Herald.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
Too Mnch Annrecintiun

A biography of Huxley dwells on the
annoyance which he suffered from
bores. But the plague had its funny
side. Huxley once wrote 10 a friend:
IL had a letter from a fellow yester-
day morning who must be lunatic To
the effect that he had been reading my
essays. thought was the man to spend
a month with and was coming down by
the . o'clock train attended by his sew
en- children aud his mother-in-iawr'
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
Joke Was Evident.

mo wonder they say the British are
slow in seeing joke"
"Why SOP
81 told the chap from London that
we never ate rabbit stew without
finding a hare In ii. and be is going
home and write paper entitled Neat
ness Needed In American Kitchens "
Chicago News
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
THE PLANET MARS.
science Cannot Say Whether There
ne Men There OF Not.

ven Vt WI.
To the popular mind all astronomical
research ought of necessity to be con.
cerned with the important questions
whether there are men In the moon
and Inhabitants In Mars. To the first
or these astronomy returns decided
negative. There is no life on the MOON
snd probably no life. either vegetable
or animal. existed at any period Of hu-
man history To the second the an
swer Is: We cannot tell. There may be
men in Mars and there may not. The
conditions of life there do not preclude
the existence OF human beings. We
have In Mars rain and snow. sunshine
and gloom, summer and winter as on
our earth
Perhaps the closing years Of the
twentieth century will see astronomers
armed with telescope powerful
enough TO reveal towns and cities In
Mars. Should ever such discovery be
made could conceive Of none greater
I'm the whole range OF time. none more
upsetting or disconcerting. To the or
binary astronomer untroubled by such
hopes the future lines Of astronomical
progress is simply and clearly defined.
and that progress Is simply to answer
the old lines:
Twinkle. twinkle. little star
How | wonder what you are.
This was the problem before our
friend who wrote on astronomy hun.
dred years ago: this will be the prob
lem before astronomers hundred
years hence. Chambers Journal.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15

First Nursegirl - Seems to me VI
puttin'on heap o style drivin' in the
park With moneygrammed kerriagt
and cachman and footmen, too. Does
y'r miisus lend We her private rig?
Secmd Nursegirl-She sends me tc
take Ter pet dog out fer an airin'
"Butwhere's the dogY
inner tn seat."-New York Week
w
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
Orange Tapioca.

Wash and soak one cup of tapioca
until tender; then add pint OF boiling
water and cook until clear, Peel and
remove seeds and skin from eight l3rge
sweet oranges and cut them in good
sized cubes; stir into the tap.oca
sweeten to taste: ac d juice of half ii
lemon. Cook few minutes longer and
then serve with sweetened cream.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15

WAS Mrs Gabbots Conversations
u suc,cSsf"
"Decidedly Everybody chatted at a
great rate"
How did she ever manage it,
"Ob. she had musical programmes.
you know that lasted all through. -
Philadelphia bulletin.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15

THANK you. my little man." said
Miss Passay to the nice little boy who
had given up his seat In the car. And
have Won been taught TO always give
your scar 10 ladiesg'
NO ~ replied the bright hoy: only
60 ga tii,s Philadelphia Press.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
Much PIen.nnter.

prosperity has ruined many n man."
mo doubt. But II I'm given any
choice in the matter Ia rather be ruin
ed by prosperity than by adversely.
The process is more enjoyable. Chi
cago Post
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
Reclamation.

Poet No. What did the publisher
offer for your poem?
No. 2-ThreP dollars.
No. THAT was an insult! What
did you do?
No. Put 1t in my pocket,-New
York Times.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
out OF ul. Class.

Mrs. Jones-Just think OF IL. That
fellow caI0e in and actually stole the
clock right off the mantelpece.
Mrs. Brown your dog was in
the very same room.
Mrs Jones Yes. but that didn't
count. Fido is only watchdog. you
know. Boston Transcript
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15

Daughter Pa. dear, what Is the diff
ference between accident and fate?
Pa-That buttons fly off n mans
clothes is accident. That mans wife
never sews them on is fate Detroit
Free Press.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
She Knew II.

He-Do you know. dearest, that |
think you are the sweetest girl i'm all
the world.
She Why not? All the other gentle.
men who have had the opportunity
have told me So Boston Transcript
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15

Ire man who leaves church just as
the collection plate starts around may
have been taken suddenly Ill. but he
rarely gets credit for II
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
A Rad Visual Angle

Most people are too kind hearted TO
see their friends suffer. so they avoid
1t by looking the other Washing
tan Times
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15

III man asks you question you
can't answer make your answer so
long ard shadowy that he will be glad
TO forget hiy question Atchison Globe
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15
Nocturnal investigator.

Husbandl have 81 more In my
pocket tonight than | had last night.
Now guess how much have
VIE Seven dollars. Chicago News.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15

Judge Your statement doesn't agree
with that of the last witness.
Witness That is easily accounted
for. your honor He's a bigger liar
than ain Chicago News
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15

To think we'll is the way TO act
rightly.-lPaley.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15

membrance is the only paradise
out OF which we cannot be driven.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15

The highest friendsh p must always
lead US to the highest plea. ure.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1902-05-15

The true art OF memory is the art of
attention. johnson.
New-York tribune., 1902-01-12

Thursday afternoon The organization has done
excellent work in the last few years It's work
in the sporting world has done much to drive
out Of that field a great deal that was degrad-
ing and inhuman, that a sportsman is no
longer ashamed to have his name associated
with sporting ventures OF various sorts Cock
and dog fights. which were held at regular in
tervals a few years ago seldom take place now
in this district. Overloaded trucks and the in
human treatment of animals In the thorough
fares OF the city occur only at infrequent inter
walls. The torturing OF driving horses with burr
bits and high checkreins merely for style is still
practsed but not nearly to the extent that It
was year ago. The agents of the society made
a vigorous raid during the recent Horse Show
and the effect was excellent. Many drivers were
arrested. and the instruments of torture con-
fiscated.
A work which the society is interested in at
present is effort to put a stop to live pigeon
tournaments. and It is generally believed that
it will be successful. A bill has been introduced
in the Legislature which at this time seems to
have an excellent chance 10 become a law The
bill has been ndorsed by the humane sports
men of the State and by many of the
papers, and, while the friends OF the shooters
will work hard defeat the bill, as they did
successfully laCt year, they will probably not
find il so easy TO sdetrack the present measure.
President Hanes in his annual report, in re-
ferring 10 this subject, says
/ cannot deny that a large part of work has
now come 10 be regular, steady and even monoton-
Gus routine. But IL is not all OF that kind. There
are occasional outbreaks Of barbarism which have
to be met and fought with resolution One such
outbreak there was last spring at Interstate Park
Long Island, where the public butchery OF twenty
thousand pigeons was attended with scenes OF such
exceptional atrocity as Justly to the indgna
uon OF the public. In the exposure of that detest-
able performance, the press of this city did I'M
mense service and, relying the public sentiment
Whlch unequivocaly condemned the whole exhibit
tion, an attempt made to obtain from the legs-
Iature repeal of the act by which the horrors of
pigeon shooting are exempted from the general law
against cruelty TO animals. In form our effort was
a iallure; IN fact II was great moral success.
Dil 10 repeal the obnoxious law actually passed the
senate ana actually received a majority OF IN
me Assembly 1t failed OF passage, however. only
because III lacked three in the Assembly,
which We're required 10 constitute majority OF the
Whole nunDer OF Aesemblymen. Thus the majority
6y which pigeon shooting legalized In spite OF
air. Betshs most strenuous endeayors almost
reversed; ana sincerely trust and confidently be-
neve that the legislature OF 1902 will give US legal
as well as moral victory in a contest which we
stand pledged to renew until our EFFORT. shall be
crowned With final success.
New-York tribune., 1902-01-12
Le BoutiMier Brothers
JANUARY 1902.
ANNUAL SALE OF
FINE LACES.

Real Needle Foarcings Brussels Point Net from 10 TO
rs inches zvide.
Lierre Applique Founchrgs 20 inches wide. used
the latest costume models of Pqai7, Doace. Worth, Etc.
o4lso
The designs Gallons and Medallion Motif shapes,
peciay Art Nrveau and Masan1 Venise, Russian irish
Crochet and Base, in phfe and dark tnts; all
qven ADAPTED TO separabte application purposes.
New-York tribune., 1902-01-12
Le BoufMsr Brothers
West T9uentv-third Street,

courage. The pcI1poCket is no longer able 20
control his fingers for the pluCking of a stud or
the swapping of a watch chain. The hand
which once held the fOrger's pen without a
culver becomes shaky and useless The burg
lar sees figures in dark cgrners- Where there IS
nothing, and can no longer trust himself.
The thief may have been a romantic char
a'ter in the days of Captain Kidd and the buc-
cancers. and there is still a thrill about the
desperate who holds up an express train. The
work thief is of a different sort when you
get 70 know him. though clever writer's may be
able 10 twist him around into something inter-
estinG. To he is just a poor creature who
would not reform if he had the chance. who
fuses To earn his living within the limits Of the
law, and who. because OF these things. must be
watched and hunted and placed behind bars
soon possible
Then a detective entered the office and whis-
pered To his chief. a. 'AiiCky' is ready 10 con-
fess about that diamond robbery" was the
communication.
Bring him in said Captain Titus.
In a minute '.NIiCky" appears with eyes cast
down, except when glancins in apprehension
and fear from side to side "NIicky'' is peui-
tent and has lost his nerve. He is ready 10
show how much honor there is among thieves
by telling Just who helped him turn the trick
and where they can probably be found. His
'honor VIII even permit him 10 go with de-
tective and point them out "NIicky" is glad
ne was caught first. if he had to be caught at
all lie hopes 10 get a year two off his SEN
tenCe.
New-York tribune., 1902-01-12

business methods. employ their helpers. and dis
play the same skill and energy a man in
legitimate lines of trade. There may have been
Every little while detect Fagin at work in
this city. training young thieves in the way
they should not go. They take the lions share
of the proceeds. of course. anC are not able TO
hold their pupils for long.
Much has been written about honor among
thieves Some writer's would have you believe
that they arc true to eaCl, other. And they
may be until the police get hold OF them. Then
honor. promises. friendships and every thing else
arc scattered the wind. IL is a case OF
'squear first and long term for those who
are not quick enough. So far as / have been
able to learn, thieves usually square about
dividing their spOs. Beyond this there is no
honor among them You write 10 great
length about the pride of thieves and of their
ConCeit. They take pride in carrying out
difficult robbery with success. and boast about
IL among themselves We know this, for il
often leads to their detection.
II have often been asked why thieves seem
suddenly to lose their nerve after a more
less extended and successful career of crime.
That they do undergo change of this kind and
become ordinary tramps. or once in long while
reform themselves. cannot be questioned. 1t
cannot he laid to remorse, however. is it
due to a growing fear of the law, for that has
always been strong within them. My explana-
ton is this: The THIEF naturally falls into dis
sOlute habits. EXSesses OF various kinds enter
into his life II tells on his nerve and his