davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18

"Once In the late '70s," said Man.
ayer John J. Murdoch of Chicago, Il
had been playing through the south
with a company which had the mis-
fortune to go broke at Selma. Ala.
BY methods which II might be en-
barrassing to recount my partner and
/ worked our way over to st. Louis.
We arrived in the Missouri metropo-
lis with IS cents as our joint capt.
tai
my partner had been reared In
the town of Troy, N. Y, and the nrst
day in st. Louis he ran across pro-
fessional swimmer who had been a
schoolmate of his in Troy. The swim
mer had been working in st. Louis
natatorium, but had been discharged
the day before we got to town. He
had total capital of 80 cents, which,
after due consideration, he put into
the common pool. He also had a
partner, who had no money at all.
"The four of us lived as long as
possible on the money in hand. Then
matters became desperate. We mad
tried to get work of some kind, but
had failed utterly. Finally we held
session at which the following
scheme was evolved:
1.-THE grocers of St. Louis had ar
ranged for a grand excursion on the
river. 1t was agreed. after a long
discussion, that we should raise as
much money as possible, buy tickets
on the steamboat, and start on the
excursion. When the boat was a
good distance out from land my part
ner was to give last despalrlng
wall and jump overheard. The pro-
fessional swimmer, who was to be
on the upper deck, was to throw on
his coat and vest, unloosen his shoes,
and leap overheard to the rescue at
the cry of Man overheard My part
ner was a good swimmer, so we fig
sred that nobody involved was run
ming much risk.
when the professional had beat
en- my partner into submission In the
water and a boat had put out from
the steamer to complete the rescue
we had arranged that Who at that
time ran strongly to silk hats and
red neckties-should take off my silk
hat, drop the cash we had left into
1t, and collect as much money as
could among the passengers for the
ostensible benefit of the heroic res
cuer.
eve managed to raise IS, and spent
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
MRS. j. II. HASKINS.

for months after, and at the time I
thought death was a welcome relief;
but before my last child was born .
good neighbor advised LydiaE.Pink.
hams Vegetable Compound, and
l used that, together with your Pills
and Sanative Wash for four months
before the child's birth 1T brought
me wonderful relief. l hardly had an
ache or pain, and when the child was
ten days old l left my bed strong in
health. Every spring andfall now take
abottle of Lydia e. Pinkham's Veg
etable Compound and find it keeps
me in continual excellent health.
Mrs. j. II. HAsKINs, 324S Indiana Ave-,
Chicago, III: $1,000 forfeit If aboVs testimo.
Mai Is not genuine.
Care and careful counsel is
what the expectant and wOuld-be
mother needs. and this counsel
she can secure without cost by
writing to Mrs. Pinkham at
Lynn, Mass.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
What the Teachers Arc Doing.

For eighty years, at least, 1t has
been considered In this country the
duty of the state to educate the chill
dren. In return for performing that
duty the educated people have made
The state the greatest compact nation
IN the world. The teachers Of Ameri-
ca are, after all, making the country
more than iron masters and steel
workers, more than king Of transpor-
tation, more than the lords of mining,
more than trust creators. more than
presidents and statesmen are making
It.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18

learned what was the matter. The
minute the professional swimmer
was dragged on board his partner
who had been holding his clothes
came staggering down to the spot.
Here's your clothes, BILL" said
the inebriated partner, throwing them
down on the deck. "Murdoch's got Q
hatful of money already and I'm tired
carrying 'em around"
Somebody who was wise enough
to get on to the scheme heard the
remark and he successfully pumped
the drunken man till he gathered the
whole yarn. Then he spread the
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
Nature Would Do 1t.

1t was in the far south.
FLOWS times?" asked the tourist.
"Pretty tolerable, stranger" re-
yponded the old man, who was sitting
on stump. 81 had some trees to cut
down, bat the cyclone leveled them
and saved me the trouble"
THAT was good"
Eyes; and then the lightning set
fire to the brush pile and save me
he trouble of burning it."
Remarkable! But what are you
doing now?"
Waiting for an earthquake to come
along and shake the potatoes out OF
the ground"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
His Acknowledgement

Patient-Doctor, is manicure In
any way associated with your profes.
sion?
Doctor-By no means, sir; we are
not in the least responsible for them.
Patient-That is surely frank &C.
acknowledgment.
y Doctor-What is?
Patient-Why, that you are not re-
Bponsible for many cures.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18

Physician-Madam, your husband
is suffering from overwork.
Mrs. Wand will he have to give
up his place under the government?
Physician-What's that? Is he a
government official?
Mrs. W.-Yes, sir.
Physician-H'm; I'll diagnose his
case again. He probably needs exer'
else of some kind.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
As EIv CatcherS,

A few months ago Janus Prus.
sian general was inspecting some mil
ttary stables.
"What do / see there?" he said in
zones of thunder to a sergeant Cob.
webs?"
Eyes. SIR" was the respectful re-
ply; I'VE keep them there to catch
the flies and prsvent their teasing
the horses"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
She Knew Him.

"You," sighed the rejected lover,
would find your name written in I'M
perishable characters on my heart,
gould you but look"
"So?" murmured the fair young
thing, who was aware of the fact
that the swain had been playing "Ro-
meo" at the seaside for something
like 20 years. so? Then you must
nave heart like hotel directory
by this time"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
Waiting His Turn.

"You got the worst OF IL in that
horse trade" said the friend.
eyes," answered Farmer Corntossel
81 suppose it makes you angry every
time you see the horse"
mo. l like to look at him. 1t
gives me good deal of satisfaction
to think of how l am going to do the
other fellow in the next trade"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
His Final Instructions.

An old darby who was fearful OF
being buried alive left these final in
structions:
"After my time come, femme stay
ez long ez possible. Don't make de
funeral sermon too long, kaze dat'll
make me sleep only de sounder; but
blow de dinner-ho'n over me. Eff dat
don't wake me, l sure IL gone!"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
Egypt May Export Coal.

Practical measures are now in
progress with view to exploiting the
various coal fields existing in Egypt
and elsewhere on the direct eastern
route. The Egyptian government has
granted concessions for this purpose
to Edward Nichols, an Englishman.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
A Likely Mistake.

ooh, you cruel boy" cried mem.
Der of the Audubon society, ito be
trying to kill that small bird!"
"Bird?" echoed the small boy, de-
risively. 81 guess you're stranger
in these parts; that's Jersey mos.
Quito!"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18

"But," we say to the intrepid polar
explorer, do you not fear that you
will become depressed for lack Of
home ties and home customs while in
he frozen north?"
"Oh, don't know" he carelessly re-
sponos, "why, it is very home!ike up
there. Fresh meat is quoted at $50
! pound"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
Pass the Pie.

"Did you make these pies?"
Eyes; and l suppose you are going
to say you'll have to get hammer
to break them?"
"No; there's only one objection"
"Pshaw! Perhaps they're not like
those your mother used to make?"
wrong again. They're not big
enough. Judge.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
C. O. %.

ut is positive delight to meet g
man you feel you can trust" re
marked the individual with the high
forehead.
ooh, | don't know. prefer a mar
who pays cash." replied the man who
keeps a grocery store.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
Summer PeriIs.

Summer PeriIs.
"This 17-year locust is a very dan.
gerous animal" said the the student
of horticulture.
EYES," answered the youth with
the faraway and detected look; "but
it doesn't do nearly as much irrepar.
able damage as the 17-year-old girl"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
Gone to His Uncle,

Charlie de Broke-I suppose, Miss
Roxy, you are aware that for come
time my heart has not been in my
possession?
Miss Roxy-Why, Mr.. de Broke, I
had no idea you could borrow money
on that, too.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
As IfIt Were Possible,

As TT tt were Possible,
Claribel-I wonder what that crea.
ture meant?
Lizzie-What creature?
Claribel - Why, Tentworth, OF
course. When l told him everybody
said l was improving in my singing.
he said he was delighted to hear 1t.
The idea!
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
TO MOTHERS
Mrs. j. H. Haskins, of Chicago,
ILL.,, President Chicago Arcade
Club, Addresses Comforting
Words to Women Regarding
Childbirth.

"DEAR Mrs. PINKHAM Mothers
need not dread childbearing after they
know the value of Lydia f.. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound.
While loved children l dreaded the
ordeal, for it left me weak and sick
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
Carried Bullet Lono Time.

Abraham Eisler, recently admitted
into the Buda Pesth workhouse (alms-
housed. has for f1fty-four years carried
bullet in his head which he received
while fighting In the Austrian rebel.
lion. q,
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
Forced Confinement.

Forced Confinement.
"Why didn't you call yesterday"
asked Mrs. Smithers.
ut wasn't my fault, DEAR" an
swered Mrs. Gobuzz. "My husband
and all the neighbors I am friendly
with were away from home, and all
the waists l have button down the
back"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
A Trait of the Sex.

"a man can't tell whether a girl
means what she says" he remarked,
thoughtfully.
"Of course not" she replied. "If he
thinks she does, why she just natural
ly doesn't the moment she finde it out,
and if he thinks she doesn't, why she
does"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18

An Insinuation.
Proprietor-Why did Miss Elderly
leave the hotel?
Clerk-She claims one of the other
boarders insulted her.
Proprietor-In what way?
Clerk-Asked her If it was really
true that George Washington cut the
cherry tree.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18

81 have been asking myself all the
while whether it is on account OF
the umbrella or my company that
nay accompany you"
at is neither. 1t is on account OF
my new hat"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
No CHARGE for Advice,

Floor Walker-Im very sorry, ma.
dam, but can't exchange this hat for
you.
Mrs. Smithson-But my husband
doesn't like it.
Floor Walker-Then I'd advise you
to get a divorce.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
Would Lose No Chances.

First Hunter-It was your fault
didn't shoot that deer this morning
Second Hunter-My fault?
First Hunter-Yes. l saw some
thing moving. When l said, is that
you Jim? the deer ran. Next time
I'm going to say nothing and shoot.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
Wit and Humor
Better Than Admonition.

Mrs. Springs How careful your
little boy is of his health! My boy
is constantly running out in all sorts
Of weather. without his overcoat, no
matter what say. How do you man.
age?"
Mrs. Briggs-When my boy catches
cold give him cod liver oil.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
No Need of Any Law.

'In some OF the oriental countries
a woman feels disgraced If she allows
her face to be seen in public"
EYES," answered Miss Peppery; land
after seeing some of their faces,
quite agree with them"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
Cause for Dislike.

De Banque-You seem to entertain
positive Late for those department
Itores.
De Rauque-I do, indeed. 1t was
there Tn sure that my wife contracted
The habit she has Of calling out cash"
every pay night.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18
Nipped.

Kraft-The boss promised to give
ne q raise in my salary next week.
hewitt Sorry, old man, but !
haven't pot . csat to lend,
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18

The bachelor who dreams of slippers
and an open fire comes to rubber
boots and Juggling in coal for the
kitchen range.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18

It IS not true that love makes all
thingy easy, 1t makes us choose the
most d'dctlt.-George Ellie
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1902-07-18

companies playing the small towns
travelled in big red wagons, usually
hiring their horses from farmers or
livery men along the route. Not long
err ago than 1885 remember meeting
an actor who was still running red
wagon show through the central part
of Iowa"
The daily morning journal and courier., 1902-10-27
COASII1UIGtIAAA.

Customer-You said this suit would wear like iron.
 Clothier-Well, didn't it?
 Customer-Too much so. It's getting rusty already.-Judge.
 Most ahguments,' said Uncle Eben, doesn't decide muffin excep' de ques- ton of which one is gwine to keep still an let de yuthuh do the talkin' .''- Washington Star.
 Constituent-Der reformers don't amount to much in dis district?
 Leader-Amont to much. Why, there ain't enough Of 'em to scrap with each other!-Puck.
 Nodd-How did you manage to keep that burglar in the dining room until the police came?
 Todd-Easy enough. I told him could beat him at -pong.-Life.
 Visitor-And what brought this poor man to such pass?
 Attendant-Ah, sir, he is the man who got up names for all the new health foods, poor chap.-Chicago Daily News. Bobby-I know why they call the trusts infant industries pop!
 Father-Why. my son?
 Bobby-'Cause they want to grab ev- erything in sight, just like our baby Puck.
 Didn't you hear the doorbell, Brid- get?"
 Yes, num-
 Well, why didn't you answer it?"
 q did answer it; I said Q fudge" mum. .'-Yonkers Statesman.
 we are conducting campaign of education" said the politician.
 ''Is that all?" asked his friend. "You don't want the ofTices?'
 "Oh. well! It's only fair that teach CTS should be paid."-Puck.
 Did the great author talk for publi- cation when he landed in New York;"
 Certainly. He wouldn't have had anything to correct the next day if he hadn't t."-Cincinnat Commercial Tri- bune.
 You admire that musician?" "Very much" answered Mir Cumrox.
 For his compositions or for his per-
 
 Neither. For his nerve in charging five dollars seat. t."-Washington Star.
 Well" said the hollow-eyed man, ''I am glad the soldiers will soon be able to leave the coal mining regions"
 Why" asked the other.
 Because they will all be needed to save human life at the football games" Chicago Tribune.
 The Steam Auto-So you're using that thing to reduce your weight. shouldn't think there would be suffi- cient exercise in 1t for that.
 "No but every time the water gets low I lose about five pounds expecting it to blow up."-Scribner's.
 'New, then, children" said the teach CT, who had been commenting upon po- lar expeditions, who can tell me what fierce animals inhabit the regions of the North Pole?' "Polecats," shouted the boy at the foot of the class.-Philadelphi Press.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1902-10-27
SOM ETHING IN IT.

That there is something in Christian Science cannot longer be fairly denied. It has made an old soldier of Kansas willing to give up his pension. This is what he wrote to the Commissioner of Pensions: Having become converted to the belief commonly known as Chris tian Science, I herewith voluntarily surrender all claim to the pension which have been drawing for the past twelve years. My pension was allowed on &C., count of alleged rheumatism and al- legged stomach trouble contracted dur ing. my service in the civil war, and the mortal error which made me think l had them also made the doctors who examined me think the same. But l am now convinced that there is no such thing as rheumatism or stomach trouble; that by the blessing of God l am free of error, and that I have no right to take money from the govern ment on account of a cause winch does not exist.
 It is not believed that there will be any great spread of the Christian Sci ence idea among the pensioners, but one incident like that above noted is inn pressive and significant.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1902-10-27
DON'T GET cAUGHr AGAIN.

When the news came that the coal strike had begun people went on gos- sipping and marrying just as if there were no serious trouble ahead. They didn't get scared enough. and so when the pinch came they found themselves without coal and with such a scare that they didn't know what to do. When another coal strike is announced pru- dent people will buy coal. if there is any to be had. They will not wait un- til coal is twenty dollars a ton, and lit- tie to be had at that.
 With the lesson of the coal strike in mind it is to be hoped that prudent people in this country will feel the force of the news which comes from Antwerp that there have been large purchases of diamonds there during the past week. Values are increasing. and boom in the diamond market is expected. Don't get caught without diamonds as you did without coal Lay in your stock now before they are scarce and high. The next thing you may hear is that there is a strike among the Kafir diamond diggers in South Africa.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1902-10-27
Ths chIla wlth Karn.s. Eyss.

Ere the dawn grew red. beside my bed Game child wiih earnest eyes What llsht have y0n shed through the
 W0ridE' she said.
 Nov you gre old and Wise:'' a Iris q weary whlle." quoth I, with a
 smile.
 Since dreamed it had need of ne. l found but guilt in its fairest vile Then its need was greater" said she. So the hungry yOu fed, and wanderers led, And smiled on the weary and sad:' ''scarce earn.'' ] said. my own bitter And have no time 10 be glad She spoke not blame. nor again of fame; But the love that l dreamed about Bright burned that flame tiE gauDt Care
 came
 And Slew the rushught out" But still true friends kind heaven sends. To cheer and comfort yOu?' Nay; friendship bends 10 selfish ends, And loyal hearts are few" She raised her head ''WOman," she said, And her voice came sObbinGly, If joy is dead, and your high hopes fed, HOu have broken faith with me-" In the dawn, still gray. she stole away, With q gFieving look at me. "l cannot Stay,' l heard her say. I'm the Child You Used to BeE' katharine PeltOn in November Century.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1902-10-27

students completing half the usual col- lege course.
 The other aspect under which this subject may be regarded is that of character formation. including general culture. President Faunce of Brown would have placed over the portals of the American college the inscription: Men made here" So far so good; but men are not made in hurry. It takes time to grow a man. This time ele- ment in education is not sufficiently appreciated in some quarters Facts may be cranmed into students in two years-perhaps more facts than they will ever know what to do with-but only those instructions that are grad ually assinilated and absorbed into the mental and moral system really do the individual and the world much good. The old leisurely way for those who can afford the time and outlay is, we are persuaded, better. Four years is none too long a time to allow for the expan- sion of the mind under tutelage and the normal action of the culture pro- ceses. Of course if a man is a mere machine the sooner he is built up in all his parts and turned out of the shops upon the rails of life the better. But man is not machine. He is living organism, and as such must grow the truth into himself gradually as the tree trunk absorbs the light and air. If the end to be attained is the skilful manip- ulation of an art, two years may do; but if the purpose is 10 school the character by culture studies, four short years are none too long.-From zion's Herald
The daily morning journal and courier., 1902-10-27
THE REPUBLICAN TICKET.
For Governor,

For Governor, ABIRAM CHAMBERLAIN, of Meri-
 den.
 For Lieutenant Governor, HENRY ROBERTS. of Hartford. For Attorney General, WILLIAM A. KING. of willimantic. For Secretary of State, CHARLES z. R. vINAL, of Middle
 town.
 For Treasurer, HENRY H. GALLUP. of Norwich.
 For Comptroller, WILLIAM E. SHELBY. of Bridgeport. For congr GEORGE L. LILLEY. of Waterbury. For consressman, Second District. NEHEMIAH D. SHERRY, of New
 Haven. For Sheriff, New Haven County, ALBERT B. DUNHAM. of Seymour. For Judge of Probate, LIVINGSTON W. CLEAVELAND. of New Haven. For Senator, Eighth District, RoLLIN s. WOODRUFF, of flew
 Haven.
 For Representatives, MINOTTE E. CHATFIELD and FRANK P. PFLEGHAR, ST.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1902-10-27
THE PAA-GERMANIC LE4GUE

The Pan-Germanic League is making some of the trouble which it was form ed to make. It is now charged with in- terfering with the internal politics of Hungary. What adds to the disauiet is the fact that the German press de- fends the Pan-Germanic agitators. Ac- cording to the Vienna correspondent of the London Times, the fact that prom inent German newspapers should now make common cause with such Pan- Germanic intriguers is clear evidence of the solidarity of the German people with the expansive aspirations of an es- sentially subversive and dangerous movement. The Hungarians are too well acquainted with the history of Ger man unitication to allow themselves to be blinded to the existence of this im- minent peril by an occasional perfume tory official disavowal But when the ruling Magyar race, warned by the de- plorable condition to which that agita- ton has helped to reduce Austria, put their laws into force against Hunga- rian subjects of German nationality who endeavor to excite a similar sui cidal conflict of nationality in Hungary a chorus of reproduction and menace is raised by the German and Germanophile press.
 The League has 32, 900 members, and is 8 powerful body. It is seeking to at tract the German element in Austria and Hungary into the German fold and it is evidently having more success than it's enemies wish it was.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1902-10-27
10, THE RICH INDIAN.

] There may soon be some Society among the Indians. The Choctaws and Chickasaws are going to be rich. They are partners in the country they jointly occupy, the Choctaws owning three fourths and the Chickasaws the re- mainder. They will share in the pro- ceeds of the sale of all the surplus lands that will be sold after the lands have been allotted in severaty. Each man, woman and child is to have three hun dred and twenty acres of average lands. Then the surplus will be sold and the money goes to swell the fund they already have at Washington. Then from the sale of town lots they will get much. One town brought not long ago the sum of $3OO,OO0. The biggest thing of all, however, is their ownership of valuable coal lands, 1000 acres of which are to be sold in the next two years. These lands are now being ex- tensively mined, and the Choctaw tribe gets enough royalty from them to maintain it's schools. Good judges say they ought to bring from $50, ,0O0, ,00O to $60,000,0G0 They produce as good bi- luminous coal as can be found in the United States, and there appears to be no limit to the supply.
 Fortunate Indians. How they can look down on their poor red brothers and snub them.