Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1902-09-24
y ''@;.s,flSHES
ylzt7zlEf1n
In Chicago.-"will you marry me?"
what, n Judpn

In Chlcago-"Will you marry me?"
"What! again!"-Judge.
The Trust Principle.-It Is easIer to
rob million of men of a dollar each
than to rob one man of Million
Life.
Mrs. Jones-"I always think twice
before speak once, sir" Mr.. Jones
Exactly, Marla-but you're
such a quick thlnker!"-Puck.
Mistress Ito newly-engaged cook)-
| And now, what shall we call your
| Cook-"Well. mum, ME name is Ber-
| tina, but me friends all calls me Birdie"
Swapping condolences: May hear
| Belle had great talk with Harry out
on the beach," Clara-''I should say
she did. Why. even her tongue is sun
burned."-Ex.
Haste necessary: Assistant Tin men,
agerie) "Sir. 1t rains" Keeper
Good heavens. Don't waste min
ute but take In that zebra. His color
runs"-Tid- Bits.
| If the people who can't write had
the brains of those who can, and those
who can had the skill of those who
can't. what n glorious literature We
would soon have.-Ex.
Mrs. Hiram Ofren--"What made you
leave your last placer" The Cook Lady
"'Tis insultin' We are, ma'am. Nothln'
could ever make me lave, ma'am. OF
so whin OF Observation-Disclosures
Press.
Lieutenant-"Don't you know enough
to salute your superior ofiicer?" New
Sentry-"I did, SIR" Lieutenant-"I
failed to see YOU" Sentry-"I said,
Hello, there!' but guess you didn't
hear me-"
Kitty-"D'ye rally love me, Dinny?
Denny-"Do OF love We? Faith, Kit
ty. Ord do anything to live Wild ye
the rlst ay me loife, nyen If OF knowed
'twould kill me this minute. -Phila-
delphia Press.
Mrs. Benham-"Its hard on the peo-
pie of Greenland to have nights six
months long" Benham-"Yes. Just
think of the sufferings of the poor man
whose wifes mother drops In to spend
the evening. -BaZar.
Casey-"Did We go ovter t see KEEL
ly lasht noight?" Costigan-"Oi did
not. Afther Ord walked two-thirds av
TIL way Oh was too tired t. so shtep
further so OF turned round an walked
J back home again.
J Brother, don't you know II you
swear ut those mules you won't get to
! Paradise?" Yes, pawson; but IL I
! don't swear at them won't get to the
. end of the row, and that's the impor-
: tant thing at present. "-Philadclphia
Record.
Eyes, count. in all the park there Is
no place like SO well MS under this
: DID, old tree. (Sighing sentlmentally3
"There are tender associations, you
see" AHA! comprehend, man selle.
Yon have yourself planted the tree"
Punch.
His choice jury: Lawyer Briefly
see that case of yours is on. Jury
drawn YETI" Lawyer Skinner-"Yes.
and It's splendid one" Lawyer
Brlef-"Above the average in lntelli-
} gence, eh?' Lawyer Skinner-"No;
way below Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. Doolan-"Only think, Mrs. Gro
gan, that great Pianipounder has prac-
ticed so har-rd Mt the pianny for tho
lasht six months that lie has paraloysed
/ two fingers" Mrs. "Begorrah,
, that's nothing, Mrs. Doolan. Me daugh-
{ ter, Mary Ann, has practiccd SO hard
{ for the lasht six months that she's par
! aloyzed two piannics.s
: Excited Fisherman Ito country hotel
l keeper)-"There isn't bit OF fishing
: about here! Every brook has sign
r warning people off. What do you mean
by Turing anglers here with the prom
ise of fine tishine!" Hotel Keeper-'I
didn't say anything about fine fishing.
), If you read my advertisement careful-
ly. you will sec that what said was
a Fishing unapproachable.'
Z "Archlbald, dear" his wife said,
q arousing him ''In the dead of night"
!. ~ wish you would walk baby little
2 while. He's going 10 wake up" How
!. can do that, Lucindaf' expostu'ated
' the sleepy husband. You know I've
got the ping-pong ankle" Then put
him In his cradle and rock him a while"
81 can't do that, either. I've got the
+ golf Observation-Disclosures Courier.
: The blood of the soldier: II suppose,
colonel" said the beautiful grass
. widow, "that there often are moments
Y when you wish you were again on the
Z battlefield. thrilled by the roar aud
fred by the excitement of war" Yes
$ lie answered. looking around eagerly
for an avenue of escape. and seeing
none, "cvcn now the old feeling comes
back to me."-Chicago Record Herald
d An appreciation: A man went witt
v his wife to visit her physician. The
l. doctor placed thermometer In the
% womau's mouth After two or three
e minutes just rs the physician war
~ about to remove the instrument, the
\. man, who was not used to such pro
longed spell Of brilliant silence OIL til,
part of his life's partner, said: DOC
tor, what will you take for that thing
le -rit-Bits.
y Floor-walklng: Head floor walker
- (severely)-"I heard You tell the lady
- she would find the ribbons ut the thirt
y counter to the left" New floor-walk
T. er-"That's where they are Heat
oor-walker-"Yes; but you SHOULD
have told her 10 go to the right pas
G. the necktie bargail-counter turn to til,
IL left past the stocking hargain-counter
D. then three counters to the right pas
III the shirt-waist marsaiit counter. an,
lie so on. You'll never make floor
Of walker."--Judge.
-------------------------
q. Cinnamon as Debt Dodgers.
New Year time in China Is Away
II fruitful of fires. 1t is the Chinese Gus
tom that all debts must be liquidate,