Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1902-03-05
Au,murolls department.
They Bought the Cow.

One of the old horsemen at the club
was in a reminiscent mood, says the
Chicago Record Herald, and talked
pleasantly Of early adventures be-
tween idle whiffs of good cigar. Said
he:
Riley was a friend Of my youth,
gifted with that courage and gayety OF
mind so much esteemed by Stevenson.
Together with some capitalists we
were in Paducah, KY, looking after
a number Of yearlings, and at night we
whiled away the time playing cards
at the hotel, which was on the outskirts
of town. Of course, sundry refresh
ments were served during these sit
tings, and I remember that on one oc-
casion Riley proposed milk punch.
1.-The suggestion was greeted with
applause; but upon ringing up the
steward we were informed that there
was not a drop Of milk in the house;
moreover, the hour was too late to
hope for finding anyone awake on the
neighboring farms.
"Riley summoned the colored porter
"'Who keeps a cow in neighbor-
hood?' he demanded.
"'Smif, an Jones, an Robinson,
an
".Do they lock the barns?' inter-
rupted Riley.
mo, sir"
..n,. -.,., s,aso;an+ Who'll on with
me?' challenged Riley.
"I volunteered, agreeing that we
should pay for the imlk on the NOR
row, and so the expedition was formed.
Fearing that the hotel people might
be gone by the time we returned we
had them empty two quarts Of whisky
into a tin pail. Armed with this. we
sailed forth. The colored porter, whom
we bribed to accompany us, was our
guide.
1--WE made for the first barn we saw.
The porter tried to dissuade us, pro-
testing that the owner kept a shotgun
and slept in the stable, having been
recently robbed by tramps.
HE kill yo' sho'!" declared the
boy, and he fled for his life.
Inside the barn it was as dark as
pitch. We struck a light, which we
extinguished as soon as we had To-
Gated the COW. did the milking, while
Riley undertook to keep the cow quiet.
Just as I was finishing, Riley uttered
a queer groan, followed by an outcry.
The cow had pinned him to the wall,
and was grinding him as though pos
sessed.
The inevitable happened. Awaken
ed by Rileys voice, the ogre Of the
premises came down on us like thun-
derbolt, accompanied by a shotgun
and two assistants with clubs and Ian
terms.
Don't shoot" I yelled, graphing
valorously with the COW. We surren-
der!
What are ye doin' there?" growled
the farmer.
II was silent.
"'We came to look at the cow!'
gasped Riley, who was as cool as a
sliced cucumber and just about as
thick
What. do you want to look at that
COW for?'-fingering the gun.
"'We wish to buy it,, said Riley,
escaping from his perilous position.
II took the cue, and we closed bar
gain then and there. The cow was
ours at the price Of the farmer, and we
were glad to escape with our lives, and
in such a hurry to get away that We
left our pail behind us.
EARLY the next day we had some
callers-the farmer and his sons.
They came reeling into the hotel, arm
in arm, like tipsy sailors. The old man
shook me cordially by the hand.
Ibid you milk that cow last night?
he demanded.
"'YeS, SIR
"'Did you put the milk into the pail
that you left in the barn?'
"'Yes, sir
1.-THE farmer grinned happily. We
drank the milk, he declared, thickly.
You all have a great bargain. If we
had her back you couldn't buy her for
her weight in gold; could they boys?'
mo. siree, chimed in the boys as
one man."