Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1902-06-14
JOBSON'S NEW PANAMA

Mr.. Jobson was in pretty mellow sort
of a mood one evening a few weeks ago,
when he remarked to Mrs. Jobson:
Il saw q hat on a woman on F street
this afternoon that would look all right
on YOU"
'Yes?' said Mrs. Jobson, trying not to
appear too elated until she felt certain OF
her ground. What was it like?'
WELL" said Mr.. Jobson, bravely tackling
the difficulty thus thrust upon him, lit was
sort of fiat affair, curving on both
sides. with lot Of fluffy stuff-liberty silk,
or wha:-d' ye-call-it-around underneath the
buds of that sort pasted around the rim.
and"
"Oh. yes. I know said Mrs. Jobson,
smiling, "it was the new plateau style
I've teen wanting one of them ever since
You have, hey?' said Mr.. Jobson.
We'll, would you Just mind putting your
self on record and letting me know why
in the dickens you didn't go and get one OF
'em. Them
We'll. of course" said Mrs. Johson, derre-
catingly, Il already had my last summers
hat, you know, and"
"Oh, that's it, is it," broke in Mr.. job
son, hufnly. And you're sitting there and
deliberately trying to make me out such
a mean duffer that compel you to wear a
hat four or FIVE years old. hey? Ihats
what you're driving at, is it"'
why, no, certainly not, hastily put III
Mrs Jobson, but didn't feel as II I've
you know, those plateau hats are quite ex-
pensive, II one wants to get nice one,
and while, I've wanted one, get course
didn't think"
''We1l, you have the greatest assortment
of thinks, Mrs. Jobsen, on some matters
that ever I heard of, that's all I've got TO
say" said Mr.. Jobson, snappiiy. Inns
scheme of yours of trying to make me out
stingy skeesiclss in the matter OF logging
you out don't go for minute with me,
and the sooner you break away from ina.
habit the better it's going to be 1or al
hands.
Il want you to go right down town the
first thing after breakfast tomorrow morn
ing and get one of those hats that loio
you about, and l want you to get one tnat
right too. I'll attend to the bill end OF the
proposition. After we've been married LOT
two or three more generations perhaps
you'll gradually work yourself around 10
the idea that I'm not such cheap skate
of a miser in my treatment of wife as
you try to make out am.
OF course Mrs. Jobson told him that she q
never tried to make out any such
thing and that he was a dear and all that
sort of thing. and with his carte blanche
she did go down town on the following DAY
and buy herself one of the fattest ana
most modish contraptions in the way OF a
plateau hat that ever was. 1t was de-
Iiyered with the G. o. D. bill, While the
Jobsens were at dinner on the following
evening, and when Mr. Jobson saw the bill
he looked as If he were gong 10 nave apo
plexy standing up.
Twenty weight dollars for this aDie-
looking piece of straw, that looks as IT
herd of elephants had trampled on IT.! ne
fiercely demanded when he had paid the
bill and sent the delivery man away. Mrs.
Jobson, how long are you going to hang
onto this dream that your husband owns
81 per cent of the stock Of the Kimberley
diamond mines?'
Why" said Mrs. Jobson, that is really
not an expensive price for the haiti is
really barsain-and you know you told
me to get"
Yes, 1 know what I told you to get.
madam" cut in Mr. Jobson, gloweringiy.
but didn't think you would race right off
and take advantage OF my good nature. L
didn't tell you to buy a hat to wear at the
coronation ceremonies. Twenty eight dol
lars, heyi Why, 1 saw a hat just exactly
like that one in every detail-not particle
of difference-in window a few days ago
marked a dollar forty-eight. Here | go
along wearing COMPOUNDED measly two-dol
lar straw hats year in and year out, and
you'd just like to have a picture of your
face if | told you that I'd paid twenty-eiSht
dollars for a hat. that's all" etc, etc, the
rest being strung out into the same old
boss-o the-ranch wall over the millinery
bill that has been going on since the days
of the Chaldeans.
Three evenings ago Mr.. Jobson skunk into
his home wearing a new Panama hat and
distinct expression of guilt. There was a
his carriage he slouched into the hall.
where Mrs. Jobson met him with her Gus
tcmary salute. He watched her furtively
out of the tail of his eye he pushed the
new Panama back on his head and mopped
his brow expectantly.
My, exclaimed Mrs. Jobson, but isn't
that a pretty hatr'
Like it?'' said Mr.. Jobson, with dismal
attempt at jauntiness. Its a sure-enough,
real-thing Panama. all right. all right
ITS lovely" said Mrs. Jobson. enthu-
siasticaly, "and SO becoming, too"
ehhuh H., said s,it Mr.; Sooson stu looking
Panama hats are made?-they're made I'M
der water. y'know, and it takes a long time
and a whole lot O. skiil-that's the reason
they're so costly, y'know."
''Yes:" said Mrs. Jobson. interestedly.
. "Ch-huh." said Mr.. Jobson, gradually
leading up to his point. made under water
by half-Dreed Indians and that kind o. cat
tie down in South America. y'know-and
that, of course, is why these halter folk
sock it to fellow so when he buys one
of EN-
''Yes?" repeated Mrs. Jobson. What did
you pay for it?'
Mr.. Jobson gasped slightly, and mopped
his forehead some more.
''Thirty-ffve dollars he gurgled. weakly
Now. Mrs. Jobson didn't make the slight
est derogatory Indication, even by so much
as a movement of a facial muscle. She
merely said, in order to make some sort
of comment. and in the most natural tone
III the WOi1u.
MY! but they are expensive. aren't
they?'
Mr.. Jobson hoped back three feet, threw
the Panama on the table and glared at
her.
II knew COMPOUNDED well this 'ud be the
way of it!'' he snorted, regarding her fierce
ly. Il felt all along, in buying this hat,
that I'd no sooner tell you the price of it
than you'd begin to heap vituperation and
Scorn upon mel
But" Mrs. Jobson endeavored to in
terpose.
Il felt it in my bones that I'd hardly
get into the door of my home with this hat
on my head than you'd begin to upbraid
me and throw dirt on me and revile me for
buying it"' Mr.. Jobson, under the pressure
of his guilty conscience and nothing else
in life, sped on. IF you had your way
about 1T you'd make me sneak over to
upper 18th street and buy a summer hat for
twenty-three cents, marked down from
thirty-seven, that's what you'd do! But I
warn you, madam warn you, This hat is
the only extravaganza that I've personally
INDUCED in in seventeen years, and I warn
you that If you continue to huri your OBJ
jurgations and bitter reproaches at me for
yielding to the temptation just this once
there'n be something doing under this roof