New-York tribune., 1902-12-14
MIR. DOOLEY" AND WOMEN.
He Gives a Few of His Guesses About Them
to Mr.. Hennessy.
Copyright, 1902, by Golfers Weekly.

Il have to talk about women" said Mr.. Dooley.
in Golfers" Christmas number. DO ye know
anything about thine
''Nawthfn',' said Mr.. Hennessy. I've been livn
with wan so long that she looks like me- but she's
as much " gamble to iver she was
1 know what she'll do. She'll do what L tell her
to do if she PLACES. But can niver more thin
guess what she's thinkin about
Well" said Mr. Dooley, women is sthrange
crathers. l niver pretinded to larn thin, I tell
be tn cut iv a mans coat his whiskers. be tn
way he walks. be his attichood at tn bar, be
light wurrud spoke in jest a heavy wurrud in
anger be a glance at tn side iv his face he
passes a lookn' glass, what kind iv he is.
Wan thing I'll always bet on-he amt much diff
frent firm amy other man If | want 10 get a
line on what he'd do in " fire. I ask
mesif what l wud do in case iv fire. 1, mesilf, am
ivry
But whin it comes to sizen' up tn ladies. Gawd
bless thin an tache thin their places, l hang up
tn rule. tn compass an tn tape line. an go be
guess an be luck. In dalin with women man
mus play entirely be They'se a goodmanny
men that'll tell ye they know all about thin. Al
most amy young unmarried man between eighteen
an twinty-wan cud map woman out f'r ye as plain
as State Sthreet. He has her mind an her sowl
charted an lie .akes squint at tn north star,
f'r he wud 6isdain steer be anything less.
his coorse ties down tn tiIler an goes to sleep
He wakes up in In roarin' forties wrecked on
iceberg.
i guess women don't live in tn same wurruld
men Il to be tn same wurruld, but ii
amt IN same st all. It's a wurruld where all tn
clocks ar-re wrong an where they'se no. such
things as distance It's peopled with ghosts. drhess
makers an princes. Tn other day r-read IN tn
pa-aper that a German prince has advertised f'r
American girl white preferred. who wud be win'
TO exchange three mlllyon dollars fr IN oppor-
chunity TO bear n Jroud but thirsty name tv
Prince Otto Finkelstein Zum Rathskeller. an later
yell see that Prince otto, who is known among
his frinds as Fink has borrowed coat an come
a tank steamer to wed wan " Gincinnati,s
fairest bellies. Why does she do IT? There ARE
plnty v American men ar-round who wud take her
i'm spite " the money. To show that they loved her
for hersilf alone they'd agree to spind the fortune
in a year. Amy iv thin cud tell her that
Prince Otto is on'y a German. afther all In tn
happy home life Rathskeller he laves tn prince
ma ri y his nature iv dures II IL isn't hung up
AT a pawnshop, an is plain Otto who loves noodles
I'm thick soup and uses pocket comb on his
WhiskerS afther dinner
rs there wan law fr an another f'r
women? says the lady who had bad luck in a play
I wanst see. No. sir. They'se wan law f'r men an
no law fr women. TIL laws ar-re made be men, fr
men who ARE taught to think in straight lines.
while a woman thinks ar-round and over
the tons v houses Don't lave tache thin amy
iv tn foolish things We've got to Know. They
believe in persons. If tn baldheaded Columbus
showed thin be his chart an log that he'd discov-
cred America they'd say I don't believe that