The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1902-12-30
The Nonpareil Man,

Casually Observed.
The smoke Inspector is out with {
for the Christmas cigar. =.

The smoke Inspector is out with a
muzzle for the Christmas cigar. -: :
The treasury department has ruled that
skeletons of startish are. to be admitted
free OF duty. When the people arise in their
righteous wrath and declare that they
will have their starfsh skeletons or they
will have bloodshed,. It Is noticed that the
treasury department climbs down from it's
high horse pretty quick..s.S@tsss<5;;. ~ -:
Mrs. Roosevelt has replied to the w. C.
T. U. that she has decided to leave the
six Bacchante figures at the White House.
Mrs Nation with her ak will have to take
1arrup at the White House if things
keep going from bad to worse.
The winter is beginning to slip away
and 20-karat chunk Of coal looks bigger
and bigger as it looms UP in the obscurity
of the bin. &}
There are one or two snow scorchers out
ON bicycles in the faceSof public opinion.
The holidays are all right, but they fur,
nish no excuse for, the man who fills
himself with riot water contrary to- the
peace and dignity Of the police force.
! Zero Snow is in Chicago One disad-
vantage Of naming a boy Zero is that he
Will never amount to anything. + .:
. ~-ar -. ,:l--< ~ "a. ,--. -..:
: A New York paper,shas IAN interview
with eight of the prominent surgeons of
that, city who agree that football is; all
right. .s:>.. -'.. e., r. 49, r. - - 80
Say, but, the laziness germ takes a bite
out of the boy when the latter faces up a
cord of hardwood and father hands over
the *bucksaw. ~,'a"@7 5&& = e. --- =,
: If arbitration goes through, we may ex-
pect a poem from Kipling Knocking the
universe Everything's wrong. ] !: r..
Levi z. Letters daughter had fine
time yesterday at Delhi. She rode into
town on an elephant twelve feet high with
the Nizam Of Hyderabad, the Maharajah
of Travancore,. the Bulbui Of Rubberneck-
kandi, and the Hoshtosh ;of Wog follow
ing some distance behind In the rear
of her elephant followed small bunch of
selected but disguised British aristocracy
and large assortment Of native princes
with skates on. Levi H. Letters
daughters husband. Lord Curzoi1 of Ked-
lestoh,~ also rode on the Big elephant and
had'a rather 'ertjoya blen day barring the
difficulty in telling which way the ele-
plant would go when they once started,
owing to the presence of a tail on each
pleasant time was had. -.+
A Sunday paper came out this week
with a perfectly open and shameless Illus
trated article entitled. How Young
Woman May Win a Good HUSBAND not
taking into account the fact that the vic
tim may keep his fingers crossed while she
is practicing the article. Miss Won Of
fingers theory is simple, but tri1e hack
neyed. The first picture is entitled, 1.-The
First Call The writer says: ~
At your home you the hostess; your man
ner is gracious, the welcome obvious without ex-
aggeration. The call should be brief-twenty
minutes. The girl receives the visitor by shak-
ing hands,
Miss Won Ottinger neglects to add that
in Offering to shake hands the lady should
not say cordially, "Give me your foot
or shake This is now considered
slangy and is not practiced in the courts
of Europe. The second picture is ''An Az
ter Dinner Chat The writer says:
:. He is. invited to dine at your home. Avoid
making yourself the topic in your after-dinner
cl.at. Iec tactful, but discover his real ideas.
Talk Of books events; shun fippancy.
A good opening for conversation and one
that will put him at once at his ease is
to ask, What do you think Of Rants
Critique Of Pure Reason?'. or Don't you
think the higher criticism savors rather
No of the pictures is called "At the
Tea Table" 1t says: -.. 49,.
He calls some afternoon. >.,
You pour the tea. Here girl may appear
at great advantage. Charming manners, dainty
repartee, kindle mans devotion. 49,
1t is we'll to have an Indian club or
busting brush handy in case when you
pass him the tea he wrinkles up his nose
and says, Thanks, but I can't drink the
poisonous stuff" and then goes on to ex-
plain the effect of tea guzzling on the It's
sues. When they do this, it shows that
they are "on'' and all efforts are certain
to be useless. He should be at once thrown
down and shown that he is not wanted.
It is noticeable that:$a1l these numerous
articles in the: Sunday papers telling you
how to get. a husband are written by Ia
dies who have theories but who have, ap-
parently, never put them into successful
practice. Out upon all theorists.