The Farmington times. [volume] (Farmington, Mo.) 1874-1902, 1902-05-08
THE BOGUS CORPSE.
BY W. v. q. TrlAcHER.

rs Tear - can teNemiNi, Nthat
Billy. remihisoently, u was IN the spTtns
Of ~"
When billy uttered this sterrotyped intro.
dues iou II was the signal for all tho knights
Of the Grip" within hearing 10 gather
Around. light fresh cigars and await the
forthcoming anecdote.
Yes" continued he. after moments
thought, 1T was in 10 In April, and |
was travelling through Idaho. Never been
through Buds Run, en-. Well dunno ~
you've missed much 'Taint nothing but
an ordinary little one. mule town with moth.
inR IN Il but nmshacklc houses and dozen
stores. and loaicfs aud dogs and mud.
Ieas,ways that's how ! remember Il. was
down there with line at dry goods struck
the town m the morning, and not a
blamed train out In my direction I'LL night
II took me two hours 90 persuade the one
dry goods man that be wanted three %
four lots Of cheap prints then ] ate my
dinner. and found myself with nothing 10
do. and all The afternoon 90 do II IN, !
'oaici around the hotel awhile, trying 10
start game Of poker, bet the mnsshacks
were al scared 10 play, 90 ! walked down
fa the depot. where there vas quite crowd
collected, watching a dog fight and waiting
Tor the afternoon passenger tmin 20 so
through, Pretty soon m she came with
screrch aud a iar, and before she stopped
the engineer jumped out of the cab aud
shouted out. There's a man sho, up az Big
Cut-hr's lyiu' down o. the bank Of the
creek aud hlccdin like hi You better
got a doctor md hustle right ~ there, and
before he had iimr 10 explain any more the
conductor hollcred An aboard and he
cum back into the rab and pulled out.
We'll. YOU can net there was hig excite
mcut there IN m time. TWa'n't more than
a minute bciot, tbe station vas full Of mru,
and everyone asking whats up sud giving
l5ts Of free advice and no one knowing " bat
90 10 Pretty soon some one sung out:
Here's Doc Coots' llc's the man VIC want
Hen know what 10 DO And he was tnr
nan. too A. SOON a. he understood what
be- trouble was h. began giving ordeH,
sb1rp-ikc,
" You. Jun he says Get soms men and
run oct the hand car quick a. you know bow
Tuslll get NJ there quig kern = horse The
men caught on and the hand car was out 10
no time.
Course I was ~ for the iuu, and J
Jumped on the hand car the hrs, one. Doc
and Jam and some other men piled on. and
ue started for the Gut a. fast a. We could
pump tn, handles n vas up grade. and
dsrncd hot day and ! was pretty near done
when We gol 90 the Cut 1T was about two
mile but we uerr al pretty much excited
anA never minded the work A soon a "a"
rat there VIC pulled the hand car ~ the
track sud ran down the bank and went o.
III
looked over every square foot Tor a mile. bot
There want no corpse 90 he found No
where not even a footprint, nor o drop
Of blood. nor any ogn OF a corpse After
we'd hunted i1r half an hour we came back
TO the hand car pretty tired and swear
ing mai. when Doc brought his hand down
on bis lcv with a slap
Boyr. no ay., 'vr'y. just been April
fooled. like q Dot Of DID suckers
well. he'd struck &c. sure enough, Il be
hadn't No ONE "a thought 81 o. being the
1t OF April and, tell YOU. they we're :hr
sIrkC-i lUi ui men sou ever Jaw. and talk
about ru-sug'
Pretty sHrn Jim spoke up aud aid Do
we'd better get on the hand car aud slip
the country, Tor there won be- any lvinf in
BudE Euu after such a sell a, this Then
ever body gr0Bucd and wen, 10 swearing
again.
'iu- then an idea struck mo how n ct
uut a' 'hr difficulty. thought u over W hlc
Ery U,rr ruIine the engineer and then
{ stool up 100 The hand car and AId 'Boys.
u 'uu.N 'er mp moment and listen 90 me. I
think can ct you out Of this scrapc Thcy
hadn't noticed till then that wac q stfan
ger, has they an said So ahead Well, says
/, my plan b like this. II strikes me that
90 long az we can't find a corpse, we've got
90 make one and propose 10 he the corpse
You. I'm stranger here and no unr no.
lIced M rIt ou the car. You rip o side
board Of the fence thcrr, and re lie down
% o.. aud YOU cover me up with YOUR coats
and ven give Bud's Run the hiFrr,i April
fool they ever had
The bows were tltklsi most 90 pieces
with the plan. and We talked It al over and
uAcd the details so everything would run
smooth They were 10 carry me mp m front
# the drug store, and keep the crowd wait.
iRz ttll my tram pulled m Then Doc wac
to JERK the coat from my head ami i was
to cut for the depot
We'll, the boys got the board and rust
as we got rn sight Of town I lay down on
It, and they threw their coats over me. I
fixed Il 90 ] could look through a tear and
see pretty much everything going on
could zee the crowd crsning their uecks 10
see and hear EN- talking and whispering
tn, whole town was ont and the excitement
was aJmr'hiug awful When We got tn the
station Doc jumped oil the car snd began
ordering the people hack 90 oiiiciuus as
policeman at circus: Get back. men We
must have room here. Move hark, there
Mako way, people -Four Of the boys picked
me ~ and carried me, 40 slow ~ q funeral,
up 60 the drug store ard srt the board on
a couple Of benches on the sidewalk
Doc, he was the coroner, too and h.
made il more interesting by making believe
he wss going TO hold an inquest SHERIFF
! heard him aay, impancl jury right Of
We can't delay vcry ferious case OF
course even one Wa anviouf 10 serve on the
jury, and the sheriff nas husilm round a.
important a. an alderman on election DAY.
and everything getting hotter and more ex.
citing. I'll | heard my train whistle about
a mile of. Doc had the jury al ready, and
everything screwed up 10 the top notch Of
excitement. when the trHin pulled IN, aud he
reached down and ierksd 81 the coat. ]
gave ono jump and whoop and dove right
INTO the crowd. We'll, cir, for moment
they were that scared they were stunned,
and then they let out one awful yell and
scattered in every direction. and you could
have played poker on their coat tails
Il tore down to the depot and grabbed
my ticket and Strip from Jim and jsfsret
onto the train Just As she was pulling out,
and haven't seen Bud's Run from that day
TO this. Got a match, anybcly"
After the laugh Billy looked slowly
around his circle Of auditors. Say. youfci.
lows think that's a I've. don't yons Well,
look here" lie reached into bis grip and PRO
dncsd beautiful Gu, glass flask, embossed
with silver. On one side wss plate on
which was engraved. ''To Mr.. William
Crandle, in grateful recognition for his serV
ices ~ corpse on April !, 1879. Presented
t,ss stv -if ivnua "a IlaAfs Nan ,shc a. shaf