The Montgomery advertiser., 1902-02-20

system. employees who neglect their du, ties, wastase of supplies and time, ana suggest means of improving. extending and conducting your affairs on sounaer basis." The words quoted are rom the modest gentleman's advertisement. In brief, this man. after a weeks observa- ton, will undertake to resrrange the most complex ofiice systems flor a con s4.s 9oI osS,ns saS sye su drowns sSss catch at straws. % do men whose affairs are hopelessly and inextricably muddled grasp at the chance this gentleman holds out to them. The professional business adviser has plenty of clients, and nine times out of ten his advice to his en. pioyer is to "make an assignment for the benefit of your creditors" It Is the safest counsel he can give.
 professional tree fakir deserves special mention. His ocupation is odd only in that 1t is a new species of bunko The tree fakir Is thriving upon the fad for foreign trees and shrubs. , -, About bout the ths tree fakir takes his grutbing hoe, his pruning shears and a ball of twine and Fesselnta the .woods.sz There he grubs up tree sprouts-sumach. oak. ailanthus. most anything else will serve his pur- pose. These he trims and prunes and ties up. in bundles for removal to the place where they are to be stored. When the
  commences the tree fakir makes his ap- pearance in public.
 Trees That Won't Grow.
 He will show pictures of rare Japanese or Chinese or Mexican or East Indian shrub trees and offer to supply you sprouts at a figure that is most inviting. xoS s;s S a for and then to yss sst think ot the envy that queer. red-leafed, wide spreading bush will excite in the breast of your neighbor-and you buy. The tree fakir will set the sprouts out in your garden, for he is a most accommo- dating fellow. and then you will watch with delight for the appearance of buds md leaves; you water 1t night and morn ing, you invest other dollars in fertili- why it iags. if it is sickiy, if the cli- mate will kill 1t, and all that sort of thing. By and by you shout with joy. and call your wife out to see the tiny leaves and then you begin to G,9s lock dSwn 1Ss In to see the wonder and you talk learn edly of horticulture in Japan. or the East Indies, and you chuckle when you see envy sticking out in Jumps upon their faces. But you are good fellow at heart and you promise to give each one of them a sprout next spring-that Is, of course. If the plant is hardy enough to spare them" And then your glorious tree bursts into leaf-when you discover
 
 mon, everyday sumach or maple, or per- haps 8 scrawny little peach tree. Then you lay In walt for the tree fakir, to do things for him, and you meet with aiI- around any more. He has worked that neighborhood and is operating in some other place.
 The professional pigeon thief is an- other oddity who seldom Is heard of. He is known to the caterers of cheap table d'hote restaurants, because 1t Is to them that he sells the product of his thievery: but. while they buy of him. few. if any among them know how he gets his birds. much less that they are stolen. Like the tree fakir. the profes- sional pigeon thief often makes a change of Quarters-not. however. so much be- cause he fears detection as to get around to those places where pigeons are most plentiful Unlike the tree fakir. he can go over the same route year after year with little fear of detection. Ordinarily the pigeon thief rents quarters on the top hoor in a section where pigeons are roof. and on the roof he sets up pigeon cote for his pet tumbler His cote Is like any other. except that is is pro- vided with spring doors.
 Stealing Pigeons,
 The tumbler pigeons are his decoys. He anoints the tips of their wings and tail with ainseed oil, and when the pigeons from other cotes are swarming he throws his pets into the air. and they soar aioft to mlngle with the strangers, and they follow the decoys. By and by the tumblers sail home to their cote with a flock of stranger pigeons in their wake. The decoys enter the cote. After a chat tering consultation one of the strangers gets as far as the door. The side jams of this have been anointed with anise also, and the pioneer stops to ruffle his feathers and rub them against the anointed spots Then the other strangers see what the first is doing and crowd up. There Is a stronger scent of anise from inside the cote and they scramble In. one after another. pellmell. Then the spring is touched, the door flies shut and they are prisoners. At his leisure the pigeon thief kills and plucks them and takes them to market. This opera ton is repeated as long as there are any stranger pigeons in the neiEhborh0od to follow the decoys home.
 Another odd business is that of dealing in secondhand tombstones. Not tomb- stones that have been taken from one grave to be sold for use on another, but stones which have been ordered and sculptured and lettered and then left on the original dealers hands by reason of the inability or unwillingness of the per- sons who ordered them to pay for the work These stones are bought by the secondhand tombstone dealer. The let tering is chiseled out. but the design is left intact. All that the second d-hand man has to do is to cut new lettering as desired, and he can offer a handsome