The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1902-09-18
MADE The BUTLER LAUGH.
A Cockney Hosts Scheme to Make II,
Hi1arity Unanimous.

Hilarity unanimous
"While I was in Melbourne" said
Washingtonian who recently visited
Australia on Il business mission for
Philadelphia manufacturing concern,
81 was present at stag dinner given
by an Engllshman who had only q
short time before struck Il rich in the
gold fields. He was middle aged and
a cockney of the cockneys. He had
been poking around the auriferous hills
of Australia with pick for more than
twenty years before he struck the ledge
that made him a millionaire many
times over.
"He was bachelor. and when l got
to Melbourne he had only recently got
his magnificent domicile in running or
der. He had about two dozen servants,
the top man, of course, being a charac-
teristically grave and lmperturbabIe
English butler, fellow as stiff as a
lamppost and with about as much
humor in his carcass as a ninepin.
"The stag dinner was a pretty jolly
affair. 1t was attended By about twen-
bourne. and some performers from the
Melbourne vaudeville theatres were
engaged to entertain the guests.
''The English butler presided over the
| feast with the solemn manner befit-
| ting his kind. The fun ran around
the table like breeze after the Wine
began to operate, but nary n grin
crossed the features of the naughty
butler. He stood at the sdeboard as
straight as a persimmon tree. with his
arms folded, and his countenance was
like mask of tragedy when the host
and all of the guests were all but roll
ing out of their chairs with laughter.
II was sitting on the left of the host.
and / observed that the preternatural
gravity of the butler was getting on the
hosts nerves. Whenever the laughter
was at its height the cockney million
aire would glance up from beneath his
bushy eyebrows at the butler, only to
perceive that not so much rs a muscle
of that digntary's face was twitcl-
ing.
'Blime me- heard the host mutter
sayagely to himself two or three times,
WY don't that bloomlnk cove larf,
y'knaw?'
Even when the vaudeville people
began to execute their cut-up stunts
the butler never gave the slightest in
dication that he saw anything funny
in the proceedings. Finally a mono
| NxrhN tn - IA. H..
was screamingly funny, got the floor
and 1t wasn't long before he had every
man at the table just a-rocking and
holding his sides. The host mis- eyes
glued upon the buffers face to see II
the professional entertainer even was
capable of drilling a grin out of his
face. But 1t was no go. The butler
stood like a rock. To all intents and
purposes he might just as we'll have
had paralysis of the facial nerves.
'"rhe cockney host couldn't stand II
any longer. He jumped out of lis
chair-showing that he was Just bit
unsteady on his legs. which was nat
ural enough. considering the way the
corks had been popping-and rushing
upon the butler and catching him
around the waist he threw the imper
turbable servtor onto the floor, threw
open the buffers coat, dug the fingers
of both Of his strong, pudgy hands into
the buffers ribs to tickle him, and
bawled as he leaned over the man:
'Larf, y bloody Stoughton bottle
larf! That's right, larf! Larf till y
bust, y bloomink cover
''The butler convulsed with uncon
trollable shrieks of laughter under hC
tremendous tickling he was undergo
ing, yelled to be let up before he wen
Off into ''isterics,' but his employer
went right on tickling his ribs with al
his might until the butler was ex
hausted. Then he let him up.
Hi kn0wed HID make y larf, v
bloomer, an now that ye've larfed. II
give y rise in y'r wlges, said tho
host gleefully, resuming his chair Th,
, butler got up and the feast went on.
Washington Post.