The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1902-05-14

member of the Loyal Legion. a soldier and
a gentleman, whom we all remember with
affectiOn-Myron Reed. peace TO him where
he sleeps by the great hills-who used to
say at this time o. the year that there
We're signs on earth that God has not
grown feeble. / do not believe that the IN
stinct for justice and equity and the capac-
ity for Self-governu2ent has grown teeble
in the sons of men. Colonel Watterson' OF
Kentucky, is afraid OF the shadow OF the
man on horseback, 1 can remember. IN
my own boyhood. that We heard a good
deal Of the shadow OF a man on morse
back; it was Ulysses S. Grant then; now IL
is Theodore Roosevelt. And II the grass OF
the sweet Ohio spring time had not al
ready crept over his grave IL would now De
that gentle. friendly. Sreat-hearted, khlSh'-
ly man-William Mckinley.
Colonel WattersOn says there II d
brocho buster in the White House COio-
mel Watterson had a chance 10 put a
broncho from his own corrall IN the Nhile
House, but we all OF us remember that ne
didn't wear himself out doing IL. That was
a lively little Nebraska broncho, with a
strong staccato in his hind less ana d
melodious voice. Colonel Wattersoh
watched him through a crack in the fence.
but he wouldn't get on and ride. He WASH !
buying bronchos just then; he dldn re-
able to break in that little Nebraska cor,
but ever since he's had bronchos on the
brain. He dreams of horselesS neausIneH
and headless horsemen; he needs a nlue
Hoosier Sassafras tea to thin his blood.
FIne trouble WITH these peOplt wiz az
always seeing danger signals is that they
are good on hindsight. but no good on loIe.
sight. They want Cuba TO be free, put
they want it done by Christian science. |
heard a person, whom you would all KNOW
If ] mentioned the name, say, IN TINS TOWN.
a few weeks ago, that southern slaves
ought to have been freed by diplomats
negotiation. Did you ever think now easliy
the children of Israel could have rolled
into the promised land in automobiles?
NOT AN EASY NATTER.
''This thing Of administering the vast and
complex machinery of government is not
easy. If the trainers OF the Constructor
had laid down inexcrable lines for us to
follow we should have gone to pieces Ions
ago. If YOU tie a COW up TO a post. she'll
wind herself UP in a few hours, like a
watch spring. But If she can roam the
pasture she goes in for a little whole
som. expansion and finds good grass. These
gentlemen-and there are ladies too-who
cry themselves TO sleep every night over
the Filipinos, nave really no solution oil
any problem. They will neither hsh, cut
bait nor carry the can.
''They are like the little colored boy, who
was trotting along in the streets of Louis
Vile, when another boy called out to aim
'Whar you gwine, Peter
""Aint agwine nowhere said Pete. Il:
done been where Use gwine.
IL hOt cal INV
where we came from and where we are
going. Not long ago the distinguishes
Archbishop Ryan, of Philadelphia, wa:
standing in a railway station wnen d maj
came rushing up to him and said:
"'Where in hell have 1 seen you before
"I don't know said the archDlShop
What part of hell are you FROM
I'm the charming city of Boston theS
dream of empire and are confident that we
are slowly drifting toward despotism. nov
Boston, a wise man has said, isn't a plaGe
.xr- -toAn 80 Wind hnnfhpF traveller
has brought back the intelligence that the
Boston woman is marked by three thing
q hand Satchel, a rubber plant and a mora
purpose. 1t seems TO me sometimes ina
2 people who limit their diet to codfisl
and baked beans must naturally be timid
We could hardly believe that any praV'
men ever came from Massachusetts IL !
were not that we know Joe Hooker, ant
Robert Gould Shaw, who led the colore'
Legion down to death at Fort Wagner, an!
if we did not know that Memorial Han
stands there in Harvard campus a ties
timony TO the valor and patriotism OF tn
men and manhood of the old Bay state
1t must be the Goldfish ball that's IN
matter with those people. They don,
raise much in Massachusetts but codhsl
balls and scenery, Out here where W.
raise corn and wheat and admirals an'
sound literature, we are not yet desponden
over the state of the country.
ALL THROWN AWAY.
'I suppose you gentlemen are delighted
to be tOlQ DY peace lONllS PhiAOSSPHN
that the four years of campaigning am
marching, of battling and hungering wer'
all thrown away. There are many educa
tors who in the isolated life of the acad
emic cloister lose all touch with practice
things. They are among the least for
givable of those who are always predicting
disaster. Perhaps you have not all of yo'
heard the story of the college professor an
the sick cow, as told by my friend, Presi
dent Butler, of Butler College. who ism
the kind of educator 1 am talking about
There was a professor at one or our In
diana colleges who kept a cow. The COY
got sick one day and the owner began call
ing in his fellow-professors TO get them [
prescribe. They had come in one by one
but none had offered any reasonable theor
as to what allied the cow. Finally late i
the evening the last professor came II
He was taken out TO the barn where IN
cow was domiciled. The owner or the COZ
held up the lantern while the other pre-
fessor made an examination.
"'Well. sir said the second professor
it's easy TO tell what's the matter wit
that cow
"'That's what 1 want to know said tn
well said the professor, there is onl
one way to save that cow. She's got to b
That's all right said the other pre-
f@essor, but you can't dehorn my cow. she
a muley.'
There are a good many Boston states
men and college professors who are fu
of theories about running the government
but the trouble with many of them Is tha
they want to dehorn muley cattle. We a
have a theory about the Philippines;
confess that 1 have my own.
IF were out looking over the worl
for something to buy and l saw the Phi
ipnines marked down to 40 cents on tn
bargain counter, ] wouldn't buy the Phil
%ippines: they wouldn't look good TO ms
But if | woke up some morning and foun
that nv bow had driven my A~neighbor'
white elephant into my front yard and tie
him to the apple tree, I'd hustle out an
lock the gate. And when I'd got that ele
on him. red. white and blue, and I'd teac
him how TO be a good white elephant; an
when 1 got through Will him, he'd be on
of the incest, most gentlemanly elephani
that ever came up the pike. But after i