Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1902-12-06
ON A TELEPHONE
- - PARTY WIRE

Quently to telephone subscribers who
are on party wires In a certain West.
chester town. Mr.. Jones is aroused
from sound sleep at $3.50 a. m. by
Mrs. Jones, who says:
Augustus! Augustus! Gus! viii
you wake up?"
Hmm. What d'you say? Eth? Bur.
glars? 'Taint train time. Lemme
sleep"
Mrs. Jones shakes Augustus until he
Is wide awake. From the lower floor
come two sharp rings of telephone
| bell.
There It is again. Augustus, our
ring and I'm sure my sister must be
i'll. Now, won't you answer II quickly
and tell Susie that I'll be right over
as soon as I can dress and"
But Augustus has slipped into his
bathrobe, lighted the bicycle lamp
which he keeps beside his bed for bur
glar hunts and is halfway down.
stairs.
Hello" says Augustus.
well, it's about time you answer
ed says a shrill feminine voice.
What's the matter with you, any.
way? Been asleep?'
"Yesp. don't go down until the
$3.50, you know, and why shouldn't |
be asleep at this hour? Now calm
down, Susie. What do you want?"
Don't you Susie me, sir: 4 never
heard of such impudence."
"Well, have 1t your own way. but
speak quickly. It's freezing cold down
here"
"well. then. want 3OO1F in hur.
ny. The butchers, you know. The
man sent those chops for breakfast.
What's that you say? | don't know
how to use telephone? Rang twice,
did l? Your call is two rings? Well,
II served you right, anyway. Some
one at your house is always rubbering
when | use this wire. wy, | never
heard such ungentlemanfy language
from any one! I'll tell my husband
about this. Now, you ring off quickly
and let me have the butcher"
Augustus Jones climbs up stairs and
says. IT'S only that fool woman who
has just been put on our wire. I'm go
ing to have this telephone ripped out.
Don't suppose I'll get to sleep again.
well, I'm glad Susie isn't ILL.," says
Mrs. Jones. and then the Joneses dis.
appoint themselves by going sound
asleep.
They awake half an hour after
their usual time. Jones rails at the
new subscriber and concludes that II
he wants his train he must telephone
for a cab.
He decides to do so before he has
his bath. He lodges downstairs and
rings vigorously for central.
"Hello!" is the reply.
Hello! What do you want?"
GIVE me 529A in great hurry"
GIVE you nothin'. Huccum you
here? wah for you break In like dis?
Aain' yoh got no mammals? I'm talk.
in to ma gemman fren' an All don
want no rubberin'. Wha' dat? Yo'
amt Higgins's Mary? Fob de Lawd.
thought 20 is! Yo' is Mistah Jones?
Why. certainly I'll ring off,"
Mr.. Jones shivers in his bathrobe
and waits. Then his bell rings twice
and he says. "Hello!"
rs that your" says a female voice.
Sure thing" says Jones.
"Well, you were Just as nasty as you
could be at the firemen's dance last
night and"
"Hello, there!" interrupts Jones.
who on earth are your"
well, Mr.. Smarty, II you want to
know so particular, I'm Annie Murphy.
cook at Denison's, and you know me
well enough"
Then, Annie, Just save your scold.
Ing and get off this wire quick. want
central"
"why, I thought ycS said 1t was
you"
'Damnation," said Jones, and then
he rang hard.
Central answers this time.
Five hundred and Twenty-Five A did
You say? Livery stable? Yes, just a
minute. Here you are"
rs this Trotter's livery stable?"
Eyes"
"Will you send"
Bur-r-r-r goes the bell and then
Jones hears the rasping voice Of the
new subscriber:
Nov, | told you to send six chops
and you only sent four, and"
Get OFF this wire!" shouts Jones.
"Who-are-you-sir2"
This is Jones, and I'm in a hurry"
always rubbering. Mr.. JONES'" and
then the bell rings again.
Jones gets Trotter's livery stable
once more and is just about to give the
time when the cab shall call when a
masculine voice breaks in:
"Hello, hello! Is this Pipe, the
plumber? My kitchen range boiler Is
busted and the lower floor is afioat.
Hurry up now and"
| "Denison. for heavens sake get off
this wire for two minutes. This Is
Jones. ! had a connection until you
broke in and"
Take your old wire, Jones. would.
MT have your temper" Bur.r-r-r.
my temper" said Jones to himself.
Now isn't that enough to jar you?"
After two more Interruptions he gets
the livery stable again and then dis.