Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-06-27
TALES OF
THE TOWN
BY THE - =
STREET = y
REPORTER. =

/ when I.heard a man with brass IS
A on his coat collar say that | was
as deep dyed candidate for re-
served seat in inferno as he ever had
the sorrow 70 meet in many moon.
DO not think when | say he had
IS. A." on his coat collar that / am
casting any rejection on the Saliva
ton Army. for am not. The Saliva
tion Army has thrown out the life
line and saved more wrecked scows Of
humanity than any other organiza-
ton on earth. 1t has gone into the
slums and raised the fallen. clothed
the naked, filed up the hungry and
if it never accomplished another good
deed, most OF its members have made
their election sure in the blissful
sweet to come
But | have some peculiar ideas on
things. They are my own raising
and not wishing to corner all the
ideas in town occasionally express
one. When people bump up against
one Of my ideas, am very seldom if
ever accused Ct casting pearls be-
fore swine guess my ideas are
rather Of the rusty-coat variety and
folks dom know what there is *
them until they are polished up.
have said a time or two that Thought
the old maid Miss Pnaroah, played
fairly smooth trick on the old man
about finding little master Moses in
the bullrushes ana that fellow like
Lot wouldn't cut much ice in running
a clean campaign in Grant county
/ have doubted the statement that
Zachia> climbed sycamore tree and
never went much on the Adam and
Eve rib story ! have pondered con-
siderably on the proposition as to
whether Jonah swallowed the whale
or the Whale swallowed Jonah. Jonah
was the original calamity bowler and
left the party because it wouldn
close the saloons 10 Nineveh at 10
O'Clock p n. ! never thought Jonah
was much Of preacher anyhow.
His sermons never were reported in
the county seat papers, and they
never called him as resident pastor
any where l think Jonah was a
kind Of q Bruce-G Goddard preacher he
was a hot air dispenser. and made a
tirst-rate political speech but never
thought he believed what he preached.
Abraham was a great campaigner
and introduced the great register svs-
tenn. and until this day unless ones
name appears on the bosom of Abra-
ham its mighty little rest he'll have
during the campaign Of eternity.
have frequently thought that Methus-
lab was an awfully dull has been.
He was three hundred years old be-
fore he had his A-B-Abs, aud then his
great-grandfather had to wallop him
for making paper wads out Of the
county paper to throw Al an old maid
who taught vocal music in the same
school house.
always thought that Cain should
have been electrocued or drafted in
to the Philippine war when be batted
Ale with that 2x4. instead Of being
marked with a swallowfork and under
bit in the right ear and then turned
loose among the innocent apes Of the
Land of Nod And / never thought
that Noah was the quin.essenee Of
piety and every reader who Is ia
miliar with history knows the old
man left the prohibition party because
it would not elect him road super
visor Being the president Of bic
irrigating company. The Old man tore
ont the flood gate and rained the best
crop Of raisins the association had
grown in years and then getting
aboard his old mud scow. he left the
folks to drown while he drifted oil to
a better grape-growing district and
put up winery. | did't think that
the old man should have gotten full
Of wine and acted as he did in the
presence Of his own family If there
had been a policeman around be
would have been run in.
never thought David was iusti-
fed in his action toward Uriah. Solo
mon was fine politician but being
Mormon, he soon played out in his
own ward and did not display bis
great wisdom as he could have done
bad he stayed with one party and not
become mugwump
just because / have these few
feeble ideas Of my own and desire t.
tell them this : A man saws I am
a ring-necked infdel ripe and ready
% be roasted n the middle kettle Of
Hade-.
Don't get sidetracked i'm business.
Dizziness often passes for death. Men
with brains reach the coal Rocky