davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19
! CLIO I'll 8.

; If you, should meet upon the street a
friend whom you thought dead,
Wouldn't it jar you?
And he should ask you to partake Of
LIQUOR that is red,
Wouldn't it jar you?
If some sweet girl whose wealth is great
Should beg you to become her mate
7And share her home and her estate,
'-z~sl.5 wouldn't it jar you?
If you. see one pert soubrette who isn't
sixty three,
Wouldn't It jar your
IF you should find one bran new Joke
mixed up in mirstrelsy,
Wouldn't it jar you?
If, during the season, enc new play
Into ST. Paul should chance to stray
And you were out Of town that day,
Wouldn't it jar you?
Suppose the boss should come around and
raise you ten a week,
Wouldn't it jar you?
If, when you wanted anything, you only
had to speak,
Wouldn't it jar you?
If Thomas Lowry should say "AlI right;
Henceforth we'll run owl cars all night
And give you Sc: vice that's out of sight,"
Wouldn't it Jar you?
If you should chance to find one thing
that's not made by trust,
Wouldn't it jar you?
If you should ever meet man that isn't
out for dust,
Wouldn't it jar you?
If he who long has owed you ten,
Should come some day into your den
And pay the loan right there ard then
Wouldn't it jar you?
If in their journey through this word
men did as they should do,
Wouldn't it jar you?
If these you call your friends today
should constant prove and true,
Wouldn't 1t jar you?
And if, when life for you is DER
And you have reaGSed the shining shore,
SAINT Peter smiles and opes the door,
Won't it jar you?
Two reliable fortune tcllers-Dun and
Rradstreet.
Anna Held is reported to have made
q fortune out of stocks in the recent
Wall street furry. 1t Is not known what
securities Anna Held.
Unless public attention can be diverted
from Mr.. j. Pierpcnt Morgan, it may
become necessary for Mr.. W. Jennings
Bryan to make another tour.
There has probably been more ICON"
talk around the Ryar the past week than
at any other period in it's history
Ramsey county sheriff's favorite hymn
-"JUstus I am
The esteemed Minneapolis Tribune has
finally discovered that st. Paul has O.
baseball team, but it is trying its best
to keep the news from the public. And
the Saints are several notches higher In
the percentage column than the Millers
at that.
I think I've heard most all the folks
Who MARBLE on the stage,
Especially those whose liquid notes
Have made them all the rage.
Three times at least. checked in glad
rags"
I've hearked while Melba sang,
Calve and Sembrich, too. I've heard,
And Hopper, exc. in Wang"
And I-confess it, have sat,
In smoky music hall,
While on the stage before me sang
The fairies, great and small.
I've heard all kinds Of Instruments
OF brass, and wood and strings,
And often have been tortured with
The discords in the things.
But there is one thing I have missed.
And So before go
To take my harp and do a stunt,
L want to hear Pat Grove. ~
H Tins.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19
THE PREHISTORIC KISS

Inc New 1ork Times mas taken upon
itself the important scientific mission
of discovering the prehistoric origin of
the kiss. Up to date it has developed
three hypothesis, which it respectfully
submits to an anxious public and one
Of which it appears to favor as sub
stantially correct
The first hypothesis advanced is the
''cannibal theory" That is to say. the
first kiss arose when male cannibaI.
who was rubbing his lips over the skin
of a female captive, in accordance with
the traditional method of ascertaining
if the captive is sweet and tender for
eating purposes brushed his lips over
the mouth Of the girl, and thereby re-
ceived a shock-a soft and sweet cleo
trical shock.
The second hypothesis claims that the
primitive mother originated the kiss
much after the manner Of the mother
sparrow bird in feeding it's open-mouthed
offspring. There being at that time no
drinking vessels on the market or else
where. it was the custom of the mother
to give her children water when they
were thirsty by passing it from her
mouth to theirs, and this developed into
kissing
The third hypothesis, and that which
seems to have received the approval Of
our New York CONTEMPORARY, is the
wine theory" This theory holds that
the first kiss did not occur until men
began to store wine in caves. When
absent on the daily hunt in the forest
undue Quantities of wine used to disap-
pear. Strangely enough they suspected
their wives. So on each return they
would place their mouths to those Of
their wives to detect if any wine had
passed that way, and the intoxication of
kissing grew upon the husbands along
with that ofa22%1i1iaoe drinking upon the
wives. n
These learned shyRotheses 4ara right.
But what are are YOU g9tngss4o say to- the
precocious ypgngsser who sg6ess8o the
monkey show and not ties tthe atrociously
familiar habits sof~ose9ia4ion which APP
pear to prevail not enlyss en the. part Of
mamma monkey and the lids. but De-
tween the monkey beau ands belle? If:
the modern, kiss. were not Invented in it's
present form by our so4cal1ed monkey
progenttors. the average hard-headed.
youngster is apt to- get the impression,
just the same, thataat least the princi-
4 pie involved and the FIRST crude form
of the art had their origin in that shock
ing source. Tt is eruef to spoil a beau
| tiful hypothesisnby 2intruding upon it
such an unattractive thought, as that
of the small boys monkey theory. But
what can our contemporary do. about
| it? f'.A aol7oostas a
.Ot&rsHEgvT ,sr at-
/ There is. another SO relative scientific
problem on which the aid of our New
York contemporary is likewise desired,
and that is, th4J apparent or reported
modern decline of the kiss. The OAR
winian school holds, that the employment
of the lips in kissingsiss coextensive with
! the physical fact of the fullness of the
lips; that is to sag4the fulness of the
lips signifies a passion for kisses, and
thinness Of lips the reverse, and the
fact is cited. that the trend of the race
is toward the latter. Why, then, this
decline? Were girls sweeter in prehistor-
ic times? What is the information Of
our learned CONTEMPORARY
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

The Presbyterians are talking Of re-
vising their creed. How can they do
this if they believe in predestination?
If they discard predestination, what
will they do with the doctrine of ON
niscience? The Presbyterians ought to
follow the example set by the fathers
in dealing with the old articles of con-
federation. 1t never pays to rebuild an
old tumble-down house or patch up a
worn-out creed.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

Mrs. Nation declared that she is not
insane. They never do think they are in
sane Mrs. Nation is not the first woman
who has lost her head attending func-
lions where they looked upon the wine
when it was red. We suggest the Kelley
cure as the only sure means Of breaking
Carrie of the liquor habit.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

The strikers in Albany want to he TAX
en- back. They promise to be good if
they are allowed to receive their former
jobs That old story about killing the
fatted calf has caused more trouble than
the original break that Eve made in her
affair with the serpent in the Garden Of
Eden
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

A Republican sheet, more jealous than
discreet, commenting on the arostasy OF
Babcock, remarks that the Republican
party is not commanded by its corporais.
That is too true. But for the benefit Of
our friend the cuckoo, we will observe
that corporals have often become gen.
erals through acts Of bravery. Are you
on?
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

The new servant girls union will, in
time, demand six nights out each week
and the use Of the parlor Sunday night;
the exclusive use of the piano and the
carriage Thursday afternoons The mis-
tress must secure permission before re-
ceiving callers and the man of the house
must be good looking and not too bald
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19
DRAWS THE COLOR LINE.
st. Paul Park WOman's Club on the
Question.


Question
To the Editor of the Globe.
There has been no report Of the de-
clsion of the Newport Woman's club on
the color question. It must have been
suppressed or our good secretary has
forgotten her duty.
When club like the Century of St.
Paul declares in its egotism thas 1t
controls all the other clubs of the
state" it is. to say the least, taking
a great deal upon itself. In fact such
superb conceit is at first SIMPLIFYING, but
the reaction is sure to come sooner or
later. We would like to go on record,
therefore. as being one club absolutely
Independent in its decisions. 1t Is, per
maps, the more admirable on our part
as we have member of the Century
also with US. This question of admitting
colored clubs was thoroughly discussed
in two or three of our late meetings,
but the voice of the club, after all the
pros and cons was against it. And we
are a club of about fifty earnest,
thoughtful members.
1t is pity, such pity, to have thus
raked up old wounds and hurts, but as
it has been done, we stand by our
Southern sisters. There would seem to
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19
NO KEEP OFF THE GRASS SIGNS
Not In Cleveland, O., IL Tom john
son Knows IT

Keep Off the Grass signs arc no
longer to be found in Cleveland parks,
Or, If they are, they have been over
looked According to the Plain Dealer.
Mayor Johnson has ordered them all re-
moved.
people may only look at2" said he yes
terday. IF these peoGIt whose business
it is to. keep the parks. green. and pref
ty can't do it. We Il get others who can.
But the people are going to walk on the
grass If they want to-"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

petence, but it is doubtful If they can
assure the Republican congress that
they possess the required moral charac-
ter to associate with such states as
Pennsylvania and Ohio.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19
IF THEY HAD BEEN MORGAN AND
HEFTY.
MARC ANTONY

MARC ANTONY.
If 7 were Pie!Dont Morgan
And you were Uatty Green,
We'd run the oTld, my darling,
You still should be its queen;
Here in this present crisis
We'd give the laugh to Isis,
And put thick coats Of caIminA
on all the mundane scene,
If I We're PierpCnt Morgan s..
And you were Hetty Green.
CLEOPATRA. .
If you were Pierpont Morgan
And ! were HCtty G.,
We'd start some pyTOtechnics
For all the world TO see;
Wed chain the naughty Roman
And leave chance for no man
Without our gracious favor
To stand UP and be free.
If you were PicrDunt Morgan
And I were Hetty G..
MARC ANTONY.
If were Pie:pont Morgan
And you We're Hetty Green,
I'd form a trust Of legiOns
And laugh to scOTn the lean
OctaviIs and his galleys,
We'd chase him through tho alleys,
And corner him and soUsc him
Down in TIE deep tureen,
If ] were Picrpont Morgan
And you were HCtty Green.
CLEOPATRA.
IF you were Pierpont Morgan
Ard I We're Eetty g.,
Wed own the fields and deserts,
Likewise the spreading sea,
And here we'd frOHc galy,
Incorporating daily
Some newer combination
That you would form for me,
If you were PieTpcnt Morgan
And L We're Hetty G.
Chicago RcCCrd-Iiera!d.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

Minneapolis is to have a Briggs trial
But it will not be for heresy this trip.
Mrs Nation wants, in the future, a
jury composed of her peers. Impossible!
they don't exist.
President Mckinley is said to have
advised the Presbyterians to hang on
to predestination. Mckinley is Metho-
dist, to be sure, but what .grudge can
he have against the Presbyterians?
Duluth is to be headquarters for the
the mining department of the United
States Steel Corporation. That is to say,
the offices of the company which is to
manage the iron mines, will be located
in Duluth. This helps some
There appear to be Indications that
the administration of municipal affairs
in our dearly beloved sister city, Minnie,
is rotten There be. those, we are told,
who do claim that however black the
circumstantiaI evidence may look, the
Alnes Of the administration are honest.
, = u
The song that J. P. Morgan is said to
like best is a modification of ''the beau
tiful gates ajaE." Morgan sings 1t
thusly, accompanying himself on har-
moniphone:
ooh. Wall street, dear Wall street, I
Give e i John W. Gates a jar.
If only a little, 1 pray you,
stin give that nlan Gates jar
The celebrated case of the people of
Cape Nome VS.. Alexander Mckenzie was
passed upon by the United States court
of appeals and the decision of Judge
Moves reversed This removes McKen-
zie from the receiverships. There is
nothing now for Noyes to do but to re-
sign and go into retirement
Oklahoma. Arizona and New Mexico
want to come into the Union. They are
raadu IN nrAsNnt eerti6cata of COM
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

Parson Brownlow. the famous preacher
editor, and patriot, is described by Or
William e. Barton, author of "a Hero in
Aomespun. as the very incarnation of
East Tennessee's rudeness strength ana
exalted love Of country and of right. .'Ef
hit warn't that he's preacher" says one
+ OF the characters, you wouldn't know
| sometimes w'ether he's a-prayin or a.
quotin Scripter chapter an varse. or ils
plain everyday sorter cussin'." Brown
low wrote to Secretary Benjamin at
richmond; Just give me my passports
and will do for your confederacv more
than the devil has ever done-I will Quit
the country.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19
FURTHER FRO0F Is READY.

The Globe invites anyone and every
one interested TO, at any time, make a
tull scrutiny Of its circulation lists and
records and to visit its press and mail
ing departments to check and keep tab
on the number Of papers printed and the
disposition made Of the same,
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

The other day a Gordon Highlander in
V1ted his wife to visit him at the bar
racks in Scotland. She did so. taking
with her their siX-year-old girl. When
tney arrived, as it happened, the husband
was engaged on sentry dutv and 81 tbay
could not approach him The child eyed
her daddy With a rather sorrowful ex-
preston, as he paced up and down the
square shouldering his rifle and wearing
Kilt. She had never before beheld him
thus arrayed. and for a few minutes she
spectacle seemed to be quite beyond her:
..HI. TOT nc longer could she keep silent
Mamma" she said. in a voice that he.
trayed a trace of childish covctousness.
II daddy finds the man what stole 'oes
trousers, will he gimme dat tickle frocIlY''
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

railroad attorney just back in Wash
Ingron from the South went to Souun
Carolina on the same train with Senator
Illlman and Mrs. Tillman few days
ago. we had seats in a parlor car"
SAID the attorney, ''and were comfortable
II not luxurious. I knew Tflman to 20
SUCH an outspoken advocate of the plain
people that 1 was surprised. but l decid-
ed ne had come to the conclusion, after
serving SIX years in Washington, that
parlor cars were not against the nrinoi-
pies OF true Democracy However.
round that that was not the case, fer
when the train reached the South Caro-
lima line Senator Tnlman and his wife
| gathered up their belongings and moved
| forward to a plain, ordinary day coach
They were too wise to ride through their
car"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

Oklahoma. Arizona and New Mexico
want to come into the. Union. They are.
rAad- IN nrAsAnt eertifcata of COM
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19
CLEVER sroRYETTEs.

Phillips Brooks once gave a new version
OF the Jonah" story to q wondering
skeptic, who said he doubted whether a
whales throat was large enough to swal-
low Jonah. There was no difficulty
said the bishop, "Jcnah was one of the
minor prophets"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

In 1888 Gen. Henry Knox enjoyed the
honor of being. the. greatest, of eleven
distinguished officers of the army, weigh
ing $50, pounds. Noah Brooks, in his
book entitled Henry knox," says Of
him: with a Capt. Sargent, he was Sc
lected to present the hard case Of the
starving and naked men at Valley Forge
to the attention of a committee of con-
gress. One of the congressman wishing
to show his wit and sarcasm, said that
he had never seen a fatter man tn n
Gen. Knox, nor a bctter-dressed man
than his associate. Knox managed to
keep his temper and remained silent, but
his subordinate retorted: The corps,
out of respect to congress, and them
selves nave sent as their representatives
the only man who had an ounce of super
huous flesh on his body and the only
ether who possessed a complete suit of
clothes.' ''t- -+,I
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

According to NJ. A P, the naivete and
unexpectedness which make the chief
charm of children's prattle was amusing
ly Illustrated the other evening in the
drawing room of MRS. Beerbohm Tree,
wife of the noted English actor Her lit
tie daughter was helping to entertain
some visitors, and the talk was running
generally on theatrical matters. A good
natured friend, wishing to bring. the lit,
tie lady into it, said: "And you, nv dear.
suppose you intend to be a great actress
when you grow up?" "Oh. no; not at
ALL" replied the child; ''mamma intends
me to marry"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

Lord Kitchener has a laconic way with
him. Not many weeks ago a company
OF newly arrived yeomenry with com
pany of colonials were detailed off to can
ture a Boer laager. A friendly Boer vol
unteered to show the way and left them,
when within sight of the fires Of the Boer
lager, to make the assault as soon as
dawn appeared. Dawn came only to find
the Britishers themselves surrounded by
Beers. There was one gap in the Gordon
and for this gap the yepmenry made
their officer at their head, leaving their
colonial comrades with the guns to tackle
the Beers as best they could. In due
course the yeomenry came to Gen. Glenn
ents' camp, and he wired to Lord
Kitchener: Company your yeomenry
turned up; what shall do with them?"
The reply was almost immediate: "Keep
them as far from me as they kept from
the Beers"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

Mrs. Nation wants, in the future, a
jury composed Of her peers. Impossible!
they don't exist
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

Minneapolis is to have a Briggs trial.
But it will not be for heresy this trip.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

Unless public attention can be diverted
from Mr.. j. Pierpcnt Morgan, it may
become necessary for Mr.. W. Jennings
Bryan to make another tour
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

Anna Held is reported to have made
fortune out of stocks in the recent
Wall street furry. 1t Is not known what
securities Anna Held.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

There has probably been more ICON"
talk around the Ryar the past week than
at any other period in it's history.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-12-04
IN THE CITY COURT.

William H. Crockett, who was ar- rested last Monday for fast driving, was held in the city court yesterday till to-day for trial
 A ten days sentence was imposed by Judge Dow upon Henry B. Kimball, who on September IS obtained money from F.. Schwaner over fake adver- tisement scheme.
 Ellen Ahern, aged thirty eight years, who lives in Wooster street. was held till December 7 on the charge of ob- taining money under false pretenses.
 Angelo Fernino and Donate Setaro, two Italian boys, were sent to the state reform school as a result of chewing gum theft raid which they made in State street Monday.
 Charles Wetzel and Arthur w. Sam son, who were written of Monday as the assailants of Rudolph G. Law in a quarrel Sunday afternoon, were held till December 31 on their good behavior.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-12-04

great; and we mourn loyal man.
 "Of other qualities of MT. Trowbridge
 it would be an easy and gracious task
 for any of us, his friends, to speak; but this single word touching one emi-
 nent characteristic of the man may be permitted the pastor who had oppor- l tunity to know we'll the spirit and pur- | pose of MT. Trowbridge, especially | during these closing years of his life. 1 The historical window in our church will be henceforth in our eyes not only a memorial to his father, but also a witness to the sons loyal character and life. And so with simple word. sincerely spoken, we put in his own
 place within our memories one whom we would have kept with us for many years''
 The honorary pallbearers were
 Messrs. Justus $. Hotchkiss, Samuel Hemingway, Eli Whitney, George D.
 Watrous, ex-President Timothy
 Dwight, Dr. Benjamin H. Cheney, pr.
 Arthur Little of Boston and Joseph
 Walker of New York. Lewis & May
 cock were the funeral directors.
 AIlOnS lHOSe DteSenl III duullioii to the names already given were Presi- dent Hadley of Yale university, Profess sor George J. Brush, President Hall of the New York. New Haven and Hart ford Railroad company, Arthur D. Os- borne, Thomas E. Osborne, Arthur S. Osborne, John B. Fitch, MT and Mrs. Wilbur F. Day, MT. and Mrs. Ruther- ford Trowbridge and daughter, John Edward Heaton. John B. Darlington, Henry F. English, Professor J. M. Hop pin, Silas K. Burrows. Captain Charles H Townshend, Henry $. Parmalee, Mrs. Thomas R. Trowbridge of Temple street. MT. and Mrs. Justus $. Hotch- kiss Miss Mary F. Scranton, and many other prominent in New Haven's pro- fessional business or social life; and among those from out of town were MT. and Mrs. Cone of Hartford, W. l.. Squire of Meriden, treasurer of the New York. New Haven and Hartford railroad; John L. Billiard of Meriden. director of the Second National bank, this city, and Charles A. and Theodore H. Sheldon of the bank, J. Deming Perkins of Litchfield, MT and Mrs William Quincy Wales of Boston. a cousin of Mrs E. Hayes Trowbridge; Miss Quincy. sister of Mrs. Trow- bridge; Rev. Dr. and Mrs. Little of Boston, Miss Bull of New York.
 James s. Hemingway of the Second National bank was master os cere- monies. There were many exceedingly
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-12-04
COUNTERFEIT CASES.
Jury in United States District Court
 Considers Them.

Jury in United States District Court Considers Them.
 Hartford, Dec. 3-The December | term of the United States district court opened in the United States court room 1 this morning at 11:15 with Judge Will | liam K. Townsend on the bench. After Judge Townsends charge to the jury on | the cases before the court, which in- clude violations of the law relating to counterfeting and the use of the Unit ed States mails, he appointed James D. Dewell, of New Haven, foreman of the jury, which retired to consider the evil dence placed in their hands. A motion to have the assets of the Doebler Manufacturing company, of Middletown, now in the hands of John H. Storey as receiver. appointed by the superior court of Middlesex county, turned over to Arthur l.. Shipman, ap pointed by the United States court, and the company declared bankrupt. was argued at length among the civil cases. Judge Townsend denied the motion.
 At the conclusion of the case the grand jury came in with true bills against all the accused in the criminal cases and was discharged, court taking recess to ? o'clock before passing sen- tence. The accused persons are as fol- lows:
 Charles E. Wolfe, postoffice employe at Salem, embezzlement of $34 of gov- ernment funds.
 John Morrissee and Betsy Morrisse, of Bridgeport, counterfeiting.
 Joe Monski, of Bridgeport, counter feiting.
 Peride Colza and Giovanni Lombardi, depositing in the postofflce at New Ha- ven an obscene publication, Il Corriere del Connecticut.