The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1901-07-24
"Tlle Interlulp,S


by women of South Carolina and pub.
lished for the benefit Of the exposition.
An up country lady is one Of the CON
tributors and her contribution is so
rarely clever, subtly conceived, and
artiStiCally done, that we cannot kccp
it from our good readers. Really the
genius Of the State lies between the
Broad and Savannah rivers and mostly
is of feminine gender and we would
like to see more Of the fruits OF it.
thereal seat Of Parnassus and the mu> es
have not strayed far and we hope to
hear Of their doing their duty more
faithfully at an early day. Please read
as follows and send for a copy Of the
"Interludc':
ORIGIN OF CHARLESTON PHOSPHATES.
1t was in the remote depths of anti
guilty. in the time Of Noah and i'm the
Ark, after it had rained ten days and
nights of the forty ordained. Mrs.
Noah, who was an ambitious woman,
said to her husband:
Noah, dear, do not like the idea
OF being shut up forty days and nights
with these small common, Eastern an.
lmals, nor OF peopling the earth with
such; nor do lind much comfort in the
klnship and cOmpanionship Of my sons
wives: for really, between you and me, ,
Noah, they are rather common women.
Now, Noah, dear, remember that YOU
have long line Of illustrious ances-
tors-that you are the grandson of Me-
tnuSclah ana the great-grandSOn Of
| dying. And remember, too that | am
both D. a. II. and a Colonial Dame.
Therefore, let us steam away to the
| other side OF the seas, to the ancient
CITY OF Charleston, whore, according
| TO the opinion of your great. grand
| father, EnOch, was the original Gar
| den Of Eden. There let us take on
| board the Megatherium and the Ich-
| thyosaurus, those great animals which
weigh from seven TO ten tons, so that
we may have worthy and fitting COM
panionship.'
Noah answered: "Hou are right,
my dear; we will steam on the nor
| row.
| They steamed, and towards the close
OF the second ten days they arrived or
the Battery, and invited two very fine
specimens OF Megatherium and two
very fine specimens of the Ichthyosau-
rus to enter the Ark. But, 10, when
they came to the door of the Ark
which, you remember, was in the side,
they could not enter for their enormous
size. The Ark was only about iiity-fvc
fcet nigh, while the smaller Megatne-
rum stood one hundred and five feet.
Mrs. Noah was in despair, but she
was a club woman, and, like Miss Sally
Brass, Of whom an ancient author
named Dickens, had written, "a wo.
man OF resolute bearing" So she
said:
"Steer the Ark into Church street
and turn its gable end to the sidewalk,
as is the fashion there; then we will
take out the entire gable, so that the
Megatheril and the Ichthyosauri may
| enter"
Mrs. Noah was learned woman and
| spoke good Latin but this project (Mrs.
Noah also spoke Fronch) was an utter
failure. The Megatheri and the lch.
'thyosauri still lowered high above the
extreme point of the gable.
The male Mcgatherium trumpcted
loudly and Immediately there locked
around him, tllling not only all th,
streets of the ancient city, but also all
the country for twenty miles around
countless thousands of Mcgatherii and
lchthyosauri. The male Megatherium
| duNTcSScu Jneln tnQS.
Alas, alas. our days are numbered
The water is already up to our shoul.
| ders, and there are still twenty davs
and nights of rain before us. This So
called great Ark is but an Indian dur.
out. Our fate is sealed: we shall slccl
sixteen furlongs beneath the earth, and
In future years, when this proud and
beloved old city shall be giving a great
Exposition that will attract and aston
ish all the known world, our exhumcd
pulvcrized and ammoniated bones will
be exhibited as guano or in more DO
lite parlance. Commercial Fertilizer
-Coosaw, Wando, ttiwan, Edisto-
blood, bones, phospha!es and bi-carbo-
nate OF soda. In the remote, uncivi
lied country districts, such as Edge.
field, the natives and the negroes vii
| speak OF us as 'JOanner'
Inc countless host of Mcgatherii anG
lchthyOsauri bemOaned themselves bit.
terly, and proceeded to make theil
Wills cum teStamcntO anneNO. At the
end OF another ten days their bones Ia,
under eight furlOngs Of mud At The
close OF the forty days sixteen furlong:
OF mud and oozc covered their yet tt
be ammoniated bodies.
Noah then came out OF the Ark and
began to be an husbandman," and
planted grapevine in Chicora Park
while Mrs. Noah set out Gelsiminum
vulgarly called "Yellow Jessamine,'
on the Isle Of Palms.
Noah's grapevine is still to be seer
In Chicora Park. Mrs. Noah's Gel
siminum has taken complete pos. essior
OF the Isle of Palms. The Ark Still
stands on Church street, with it's gable
end to the sidewalk.
KATE WIGFALL CHEATuAM.