davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Press., 1901-12-26

OF BENEFIT T, YoU.-D. $. Mitchell. Fulford, Md: During a long illness was troubled with bed cores, was advised to try DeWitt's Witch Hazel Salve and did so with wonderful results. l was per- fectly cured. It is the best salve on the market" Sure cure for piles, sores burns. Beware of commercials. W. D. Heald
The Press., 1901-12-26
PFejudiced.

'So you won't take my medicine?' said the doctor, who had been called in against the patients wishes.
 'I will not" replied the patient.
 T suppose you're one of these poor, deluded beings who believe in throwing physic to the dogs"
 ''Not indiscriminately. Some dogs are valuable" e"-Philadelphia Press.
The Press., 1901-12-26
A Million Ynicaa

Could hardly express the thanks of Homer Hall, of West Point, la. Listen why: A severe cold had settled on hls lungs, causing a most obstinate cough Several physicians said he had consump- ton, but could not ht lp him. When all thought he was doomed he began to use Dr. Kings New Discovery for Cons'Imr- ion, and writes-''it completely cured me and saved my life. TOW weigh 227 lhs '' It's positively guaran'eed for Coughs. Colds, ard Lung troubles Price soc and $1 co Trial bottles free at A c. Eaton's
 Macy of the large business hou ses of the City of Mexico still use tallow dips for Eliminating purposes.
The Press., 1901-12-26

The submarine boat Fulton was suc- cessful in its recent trial, remaining under water for 15 hours while the crew ate and slept and performed their usual duties as we'll as if they were on the surface.
The Press., 1901-12-26
Among the peasants of Turkey most of the doctoriDg is done by women.

zHEALTH AND BEAUTY.-A poor com plexfon is usually the result of a torpid liver or irregular action of the bowels
 Unless nature's refuse Is carried off it will surely cause impure blood. Pimples, boils and other eruptions follow. This is nature's method of throwing off the poisons which the bowels failed to re- move. DeWitt's Little Early Risers are world famous for remedying this condi- tion. They stimulate the liver and pro- mote regular and healthy action of the bowels, but never cause griping, cramps or distress. Safe pills. w. D. Heald.
The Press., 1901-12-26

Johnny Green Pa. l know why you always ring the church bells so loud on Christmas.
 MT. Green (the church sexton,- Do you. my son ?
 Johnny Green Yes. pa. It's so the neighbOrS won't
The Press., 1901-12-26

There are now thirty-nine beet-sugar faclories in successful operation in ths country, the state of Michigan leading with twelve.
The Press., 1901-12-26
|Q)ILD @A[N I A IS REAL
 BY HUBERT NoRTHEN
 Copyright, 1901. by W. L. Vail.
BY HUBERT NoRTHEN
Copyright. 1901. by W. L. Vail.

} X :: ]: : < < ; <. < ] ' | ;
 ~ NCE a clever Boston ~ ANM papa ceased to be- M EsMS@ M lieve in Santa Claus. NN, ,M7S'5SSgs9 9NE He had bought a vAN> MSVK slate and pencil and NSsgN1t9M figured it out that the N NN sleigh which would
 WSsY contain the toys that
 come to all the little boys and girls in the world would have to be as big as house and that the span of reindeer that could pull it would be forty tons too heavy to drag 1t up the walls of the first house for the trip over the roof Many other strange things did this wise man find out with the help of his slate and pen- cil. and then he added them all up and. found the sum total to be that Santa Claus is myth.
 He joyfully told this to his little son, who was an advanced student of an cient literature. To his great surprise, his little son seemed very glad, and when the amazed parent asked him wherefore he thus explained:
 My worthy father. because of cer- tain ocular demonstration afforded by a surreptitiouS glance or two into our kitchen last Christmas eve was grav- itating rapidly to the opinion that San- ta Claus does not exist The only ex- planation of the phenomenon observed consistent with his existence seemed to be that he could at once take the ap- pearance of yourself. sir. and also of mamma. in your nightrobes and with your arms full of gifts for me. and this. too. while neither of you was in your own room. established the alibi for you by hurried visit. It is not to be marveled at that my faith in Santa Claus received severe jostle
 But your conclusion revives my an cient belief and puts it on sure foot ing. You have discovered that Santa Claus is myth Hurrah for the real. true Santa Claus. king of myths. Here after will believe in him.. hope in him. adore him!
 You appear astonished. parent. but perhaps that is because you do not un- derstand myths. There is nothing so real as myth When 1 say that He Hos rides across the sky in a golden
The Press., 1901-12-26
HE PARASITE MIsTLEToE.

'.0h. lady. give a luekless man A little Christmas gift r. Thus spake the wand'rer with the can, Who longed to get lift. The lady was spinster gay; Her wit was counted keen. She only gave the tramp spray Of mistletoe so green "Oh, lady. give a man a chancel" Bewailed the weary wight. "Pd ruther have pair O pants Than any parasitel''
 EARLE HOOKER EAToN.
The Press., 1901-12-26
Genuine Faith Cure.

Genuine Faith Cure. -Towne-Do understand you to say that Spencer's case was really a faith cure? Browne-Yes. You see. the doctor and the druggist both trusted him. Chicago Jnnrnal
The Press., 1901-12-26
A MYSTERY SOLVED.

Or Why Little JOhnny Green Ate Ills (bristmaH Dinner Standing lp.
The Press., 1901-12-26

Theodore-It's all right, darling. I have met your father. and we took to one another at once. He even went so far as to borrow $1O from me. Surely he can't refuse me your hand after that.
 Edith-Dory. I'm afraid you've made a mess of it. Pa told me about the $1O and said I'd better let you slide; that you were too easy.-Boston Transcript.
The Press., 1901-12-26
Copyright. 1901. by Willis B. Hawkins

lOUPyTISHt' ISVt' Uy "IIIIs D. rIa" "hIIIs.J Her Christmas is not like the rest, Which last single day Or possibly a week at best
 And then are put away To be forgotten for year,
 Until good will toward men Comes round, as fashions reappear. And is in style again.
The Press., 1901-12-26
EaA V.

hear ma kickin about the cheap pres nts you always give he:.
The Press., 1901-12-26
Fast Friends

Nashville, Ind. Messrs. Ely Bros.:- have bAen great sufferer from catarrh and hay fever and tried mary things. but found no perma- nnnt relief until 1 found it in Ely's Cream Balm about eight years ago, and we have been fast friends ever sirce
 (Rev.) R. M. BENTLEY. Prove its value by investing 10 cents in trial size of Ely's Cream B .lm. Drug gists supply it and we mail it. Full size 50 cents. ELY BROTHERS.
 56 Warren St., New York.
The Press., 1901-12-26

soc m .gER Have ks0ess 2 & s7saz9 $, , aO ss9asfas by EyeEEa F. sssz s-sszl...s-ss- : gsss SIS Eeg0~ table GDsalss .-,.s~- sss issezg' E6f- f0sos are G3ss sss15 ssz6 ss k1sssSwG 6ssSs sfafeF55eass sO Esg a s.scfy EaOf a mere hOas Ss yssheia a ss16ds- cine hae hoGss sUcGCsefI Ess curing sO sasssssy vyDFssesss y0u cannot we'll say sNffssOssf fEy- i3g M-Ss z GsO ssOS ks6fSeNe f MaW k@Ek9 11s0.ss
The Press., 1901-12-26

All time is grandma's Christmas time, All seasons hers to hear The eckJ of Yuetide chime Of voices ever dear, Of voices hushed to all but her As through mist of tears She sees child faces as they were In long departed years.
The Press., 1901-12-26
IrreguIarity,

The whole story, however, is told in an Illustrated book which goes with each bot tie, the most complete treatise on female ever publishe d.
The Press., 1901-12-26

1t Keep the Feet Warm and Dry. Ask to-day for Aliens Foot Ease. a powder. 1t cures Chilblains. Swollen, Sweating, Sore, Ach- stores, 25c.
The Press., 1901-12-26

Now. dreaming OCT her needles flight, She croons song of joy And weaves thread of heavens light Into some Christmas toy. Now softly up the attic stair
 Alone she creeps away And OCT the Christmas treasures there Lives in another day.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22
WHY HE DID NOT PLEASE.

From the Louisville Times: About
the greenest apple on the bough is the
young fellow whose fond mamma is
trying to introduce him into society.
He is as awkward as bear, all hands
and feet, and when sent to call on a
girl he glares around her parlor for
some means of escape, and looks like
he was sitting on a porcupine.
One of these young fellows paid a
party call on beautiful girl in So
ciety."
Had a mighty pretty party, Miss
Bee" he said.
Thank you" was the reply, Il am
glad you were pleased"
1T was real handsome party"
Again the hostess smiled affably.
Ma said she heard it was a splendid
party"
Now, l tell you what, Miss Bee" he
continued. irrelevantly, don't you
know, when call on a girl don't care
whether she's pretty or not No: l just
call anyhow. | don't care il she's as
ugly as SIM"
Had the hostess been homely she
would have slain him for that, unless
she possessed a sense of humor. As it
was she put her fan before her face,
and history has never stated whether
the conversation and visit ended there
or not.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22
LESSON IN JOURNALISM.

Professor of Journalism-"Mr.
Spinks, what would you do il a man
fell down in front of the office and
stubDed his toe?'
Mr.. Spinks-"I should think the cir
cumstances too trivial to be noted"
Professor-"Mr. Spinks. there you
would be wrong. In old times say ten
years ago, your course would have
been eminently proper, but the larger
journalism of today demands larger
methods. In the circumstances men
toned your first duty would be to
write half column on the humorous
possibilities OF the laws OF gravita-
ton. Next, column on the different
methods of laying sidewalks. with a
glance at the brick industry; then half
a column of the history OF that par
ticular street, and, finally, a reference
to the enterprise OF your own paper,
with quotations from applauding read
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22
wabasha Eears Good News.

Wabasha, Mimi, August 18th: =
George Huber of this town suffered
from Kidney Trouble and Back-Ache
He was very bad Dodd's Kidney Pills
a new remedy, has cured him complete.
ly. He is now quite well and able &c
work. He says Dodd's Kidney Pills are
worth their weight in gold.
News comes to hand almost every
day of wonderful cures by Dodd's Kid
ney Pills, which. although but recently
introduced in this country. has already
made many warm friends by its splen'
did results in the most serious cases OF
Bright's Disease, Diabetes, Dropsy
Rheumatism, and Back-Aehe.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22
EXPECTING MORE COMPANY.

An Irish servant girl of recent i'm
portation was preparing the ice cream,
tea and cakes for a Brooklyn evening
party when her employer remarked to
her daughter jocularly. apropos of the
heat
I'm afraid those mosquitoes will
come in tonight over the back fence"
Going downstairs to the kitchen la.
ter she was surprised to find several
gallons of tea more than she needed
already made.
You've made too much tea, Norah,"
she said. Il told you the big kettle
full would be quite enough"
Sure, that's so, ma'am," replied the
girl. but that was before you said
anything about the other gists."
What other guests?" inquired the
hostess in establishment.
why, the Mosquitoes, ma'am, you
said were comm over the back fince."-
New York Commercial Advertiser.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22
MID-AUGUST.

August, Sweetheart of the sun,
Summer work is nearly done. do
While the idle days are going W
List thy ardent lovers wooing.
Now the year is in its prime
Take thy brief vacation time.
Stubbly fields are brown and yellow
Pippins ripe are growing mellow.
Ranks on ranks of shining corn,
Jeweled by the dew of morn.
Whisper in the evening airs
Like legion saving prayers.
Farmer boys on loaded wains.
Harvest moons on gathered grains;
Tender hearts a bit forlorner,
Summers turned another cornerl
e. c. Tompkins in Frank Leslie's
Popular Monthly.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22
HAMMOCK MEMORIES.


1t was this way. Brown. putting II
plainly, is fat. Some of his friends
with cannibalistic imaginations say
that he Is fat enough to butcher. But
let that pass. He is fat, and the other
night. shirt open at the collar, damp
hair spread at will, and fan going like
pendulum of grandfather's clock,
he served notice that he was going to
stretch a hammock in the back yard
and' sleep there. Mrs. Brown made the
foolish suggestions of burglars, Group.
and neuralgia, but he was fixed in his
purpose.
Brown is the best and most reliable
sleeper in town. The storm came with
its deluge. The swaying hollyhocks
banged him in the face, and the swing
ing branches of the big maple tried to
bat him out of the hammock. But
they onIy rocked him, and the rain
cooled him. His visions were a charm
until he dreamed that he was Cadillac,
standing at the prov of his bateau and
going for the foot of Randolph street
as though pursued by sea serpent
of the New York yellow journal breed.
All would have gone we'll, as a
nightmare, but he sprang to his feet
with a valiant shout. waved an i'm
aginary sword. pitched about like a
dugout in maelstrom, went over
board head first, and came down hard
on a sidewalk.
Brown is all right unless complica-
tions set in, but one side of his scalp
is trying to grow on again, his left
ear flops, he has an arm in a sling,
and there is q towel over one eye. The
moral he draws is that once in 200
years is a great plenty.-Detroit Free
Press.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22
500 Reward 500.

The readers OF this paper will be pleased to
learn that there Is at least one dreaded disease
that science has been able to cure In all its
stages, and that is Catarrh. Halls Catarrh
Cure is the only positive cure now known to the
medical fraternity. Catarrh being constitu-
ional disease, requires constitutional treat
ment- Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken internally,
acting directly upon the blood and mucous SUR
faces OF the system, thereby destroying the
foundation OF the disease. and giving the patient
strength by building up the constitution and
assisting nature in doing its work The pro-
prietors have so much faith In its curative
powers that they offer One Hundred Dollars for
any case that IL fails to cure Send for list OF
Testimonials.
Address f. J. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, O
Sold by druggists 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the best
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

4 rare phenomenon attended an
earthquake that visited a little town
in Mexico. Having wrecked several
houses in the town, the tremor passed
on to lake in the neighborhood, the
water of which it put into violent agi-
tation. The agitation ceased after "A
few minutes, and then the water
gradually. disappeared, leaving the
bottom of the lake exposed, when it
was seen that the earthquake had
opened a assure in the bottom, ant
thus drained il.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

Thomas W. Lawson, owner of the
Independence, is something of fatal
list. The toss of coin has deter
mined for him more than one stock
transaction. He believes that what
ever befalls after man has done his
best is part of grand scheme of the
total of human events. He believes
in the good luck of certain numerals.
The figure or its multiples appear
in all his affairs. His Office is at 33
State street, Boston. His telephones
are 80 and 1899, respectively. His
yachts first sailing test took place
on the Sd of June. lie wears watch
chain consisting of 1913 gold beads.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22
PUNISHED,

From the Buffalo Courier: He was a
great musician. He came to the expo
sition to battle his soul in harmony,
but heat overcame his judgment and
ne washed his parched throat with
stimulants to excess. He couldn't car
ry the load. A policeman found him
making an Intellectual effort to do so,
and the next morning he faced the sun
rise justice.
Musician, eh?" said the court. "Mu-
stefan and a gentleman, but beastly
drunk. Well. sir. I'm going to make
an example of you. The usual penalty
for this offense is ten days in Jail, but
in your case it will be ten days In a
bally-hoo band on the Midway"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

One of the stories that is going
about London just now deals with
Sir Henry Irving's revival of "Corio-
lanus," which has been such a great
success. During one of the later re-
hearsals, consultation was held on
the stage between Sir Henry, Sir
Alexander Mackenzie, who wrote the
music, and Sir Laurence Alma Tad.
ema, who designed the scenery.
Three blooming knights" remark.
ed a supernumerary. Yes replied
another. land that's about as long az
the piece will run"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22
His High Mlghtinesss

II must be refreshing intelligence for
Christendom to learn that his majesty.
the unspeakable Turk, has to be called
upon for the right to relieve a water
famine in Jerusalem. He has been
graciously pleased to grant permission
TO the municipality of the holy city to
bring water from the pools of Solomon
through iron pipes into the city along
the line of Solomon's stone aqueduct.
1t would have thrilled some Of those
doughty old warriors who went to
death in the crusades IL some prophet
had announced that in 1901, the fol-
lowers of the cross could not get the
title deeds to the Holy Land, where
the Savior lived and taught and died.
II Is a matter OF history that some
years ago an effort was made by some
wealthy Germans to buy certain spots
in Jerusalem made specially sacred by
the Savior's life. but the unspeakable
Turk fatty refused to dispose of the
hillside where the cruciflxion is be-
lieved by the best saSplars to have
taken plaee.-Chicago Journal.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

No century has ever begun on a
Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday.
ana the same order of days is repeat
ed every twenty years. January and
October of each year always begin
with the same day. So with April and
July, so with September and Deem.
Der, so with February, March and No
yember,
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22
STILL ABLE TO BE ABOUT.

Boys-Yes, sir, these is later bugs
what dad made us pick. an we got to
burn 'em up.
Brainy Bowers-Well, you needn't
bother to do dat, cause I'll do it fur
you. Leave 'em wit me. Tanks.
Good-by.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

ers. And, by the way, Mr.. Spinks, you
might find out the mans name. To-
morrow the class will present 1000
word account Of dog fight in tho
street, including 2,000-word consid-
Grafton of the dog in human sociology
from the earliest times. Boston
Transcript.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

What. wait till tomorrow fur me
pay? See here. If de plunks amt in
sight in five minutes let de bugs loose
on de patch!!"
Farmer Smallweed-Wa'al, go off
with your money, we highwayman. /
got my coins worth, anyhow!
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

The girls of Ethel, Mo-, formed an
emergency society during the not
spell, the bylaws of which provided
that no member should receive
young man company" until the
drouth was broken. The dry spell
was long, and finally, when circus
came To Ethel, the emergency societ'
had TO give in
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

North Carolina can boast the larg,
est grape vine in the world. 1t is on
the farm of b. +. Meekins, Roanoke
Island, not far from the site of Fort
Raleigh and near the birthplace of
Virginia Dare. 1t is claimed that the
vine was planted by Sir Walter Ra-
leigh's Inflated colony in 1857. 1t is
of the Scuppernong variety, covers an
acre of ground, and yields about .
ton of grapes annually.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

To purchasers of starch. Heretofore
they have been paying 10 cents for IL
ounces Of even much inferior goods to
that turned out in Nebraska and
known as Defiance starch. Now, how
ever, the up-to-date housewife who has
an eye to money saving, insists that
her grocer shall give her Defiance. 1t
costs less and goes farther than any
other starch made. At your grocer's.
Made by Magnetic Starch Co., Omaha,
Neb.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22
Judicial Consolation.

A man who had been convicted OF
stealing a small amount was brought
into court for sentence. He looked
very sad and hopeless and the court
was much moved by his contrite APP
pearance.
Have you ever been sentenced to
imprisonment" the judge asked.
Never! Neyer!" exclaimed the
prisoner, bursting into tears.
Don't cry. don't cry" said the
judge, consolingly; you are going to
be now."-Chicago News.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

The strange power of volcano was
shown in the last eruption of Vesu-
30 tons, was projected high above the
crater. To do this. according TO an
Italian professor, the volcano exert
ed force of nearly 1000 horse power
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

When Richard Wagner was conduc-
tor of the Royal opera in Dresden, the
orchestra of that institution, though
one of the best in Germany, was far
from being as good as il is now, and
Wagner had n good deal of trouble
in making it follow his intentions.
Some years later, when he was living
as an exile in Zurich. he undertook
to train the local orchestra. After a
few attempts, he exclaimed: Gen
tlemen, you have just given me n
great pleasure; you have played ex-
actly as badly as the Dresden orches-
ira" The Zurich players laughed,
aud the IDEA that they might play
better than the royal musicians in
Dresden so fired their zeal that they
actually succesd ed in doing il.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

John W. Gates, the iron and steel
magnate, began life as hardware
merchant and grain dealer in Napier
Vile, ILL.,, Immediately after gradual
ing from Northwestern college in
1878. Eight years later he organized
and became president of the Southern
Wire company.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

Tanner, of fasting fame, now 6o
years old, has challenged the brew
ers of Denver to a fasting contest.
Six men are to drink beer only, and
he is to drink water. The brewers
have agreed to the contest.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22
THE HAIR BRUSH.

Breeds Dandrun, which Causes Failing
Hair and Finally Badness.
Prof. Unna, Hamburg, Germany, Eu-
ropean authority on skin diseases. says
that dandruff Is as contagious as any
other malevolent disease. and that ons
common source of the spread of dan
druff is the use of the same hair brush
by different persons. The way to avoid
catching dandruff or any other disease
from another's brush. is to insist on the
use of Newbros Herpicide. 1t not only
kills the dandruff germ. but 1t is also
an antiseptic that will prevent the catch-
ing of any disease whatever through con
tagion of another's brush.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22

j. Pierpont Morgan was for several
years student at the University of
Gottingen, and there won distinction,
and notable prize for excellence as
d mathematician.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1901-08-22
MADE STRONG AND we'll.
Prominent Lady Raised From Sick Bed by Perl-na-.
Entirely Cured in Two Weeks.

female weakness; had spells OF ffowing
that exhausted me so that | feared
would lose my mind. / suffered un-
told agony with my back, the pain ex-
tending down my left leg. My pain
was so severe that I would have well
coined death at any moment-so no one
need wonder that / recommend Peruna
so highly, for it cured me entirely Of
that. Not a sign of pain has returned,
and that will soon be two years now
II am glad that there is way l can
speak, trusting that manga sufferer will
read my testimonial, and not only read
but believe. Mrs. VIM. Henderson.
FOR WOMEN ONLY