Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1901-08-23
SARCASM IN SIGNS
ADVERTISEMENTS THAT AT TIMES
BECOME A MOcKERY.

"Reminiscences of Men who Had
Seen Worse Days and IRRITATING |
Announcements When They Were |
Hard Up and Ont Of Employment.
TIE advance agent met the leading
man of another show the other night |
and. az they had not seem each other In
seven years, there was a warmness
about their greeting that was refresh
,ng.
Dear old Tomv' said the leading
man. II WAS thinking OF you not FIVE
minutes ago. Sit down, you dear old
fellow! passed bakery rot FIVE min.
ntes ago. and thought Of you. Why,
here's Willis was just saying to
Tom that | never see a bakers that
don't think of him. Tom and l were
poor once! Mighty poor too. l re-
member that we had been turned out
OF different homes on the same cold
night and met each other for the first
time by chance. We shared the COM
forts OF butchers wagon that night
and went upon a rummagIng expedi-
ton the next day. We halted In front
OF German bakery, half starved and
disguised with life generally. There
was a huge sign in the window which
said. There Is No Cake Like Ours We
hadn't q penny. between ns, bpt Tom
stepped 10 and asked for a sample OF
the cake. The Dutchman didn't APP
preeiate the humor OF the request, so
Tom said. You may keep your cake,
boss; but. say, give me q chunk Of
bread, quick. or I'll cut out your giz-
gard I'll never forget that cake sign
because It took us hours to get away
from the police who were attracted to
the scene by the bakers cries for help"
"But that was not my only expert
enee with a peculiar sign" remarked
the advance agent after hearty laugh,
The year before went on the road
for the first time was In as hard luck
as ever man was. ! had pawned ev-
erything IN sight and was almost starry
ed. ! found Rp umbrella ip the half
way OF down town building, and the
janItos told me 10 keep IT. IT was a
fairly good raip shield, and I immedj-
ateiy carried II TO mine uncle. ! didp't
know this particular relative. although
/ had formed the acquaintance OF hun.
dreds OF his people. His place was or
Sixth Avenue, aud he gave me IS cents
was making ont the ticket he said:
DO you want to save 1t from tbs
unothsT
Yes answered.
THAT will cost you IL cents. Per
haps you would like TO have 1t insured
1t is always advisable, but it will cosi
you IL cents more replied my friend
"'AH right said. Take good care
OF it, Ee could have eaten 1t for all
cared. for ] never intended to redeem
If. was about TO leave the place wheI
I saw big sign on the far wall. L
said:
a. mo extra charge for putting watch
es and jeweiry In the safe In the Office.
Watches and jeweiry! 1t brough
the tears to my eyes. and MS crawlet
Into my 10 cent bed that night
thought OF diamond necklaces. pearls
and rubles OF priceless value and-cake
oh. the curse OF some signsi How the.
mock the pOorT'
They were all silent a moment. bu
the one addressed as Willis was th
FIRST TO resume conversation. and b
said:
THERE'S my friend. Big John Smith
Let me Introduce him. Since you chap
are talking OF signs and hard luck. lie
me tell you Of the time that | had t
leave my trunk at the old Steven
House. on lower Broadway. and .ligh
out by the shades OF midnight to &c
away from q hotel bill that couldn'
pay. Everything ] bad In the worj
was locked up In that trunk. nnd as
could not remove anything without e,
citing suspicion l thought II hest
keep out of jail by leaving evcrythin
behind me: ! must have walked tn
streets at least a week furnished an
penniless. One afternoon | was pass
Ing along an up town street, hSping
die. when happened to look up an
saw u sign as big as my hopes wer
small This sign read:
"'We Are Not Daylight Robber
Trunksl Trunksl From the Isatter
to the Harlem Bridge to your RooI
For % Cents
IF that Eish r-~--not the