Junction City bulletin. [volume] (Junction City, Or.) 189?-1901, 1901-03-14

i NNeNNA AN @Sas @A&8Nt
phia Record.
Old Gentleman-Here. sir. how Is 1t
catch you kissing my daughterf The
Lover-By sneaking In ON us. sir
Philadelphia Press.
There's a lucky man for your
"How's thaty why. he's got but.
Ter so dignifled that he even awes the
cook in.e submission" Brooklyn Life.
Tess-Mr. Phoxy seems very anxious
to have bis wife make over her last
years gown. Jess-Ile'il make over
$50 or $40 II she does.--PhIladelph
Press.
"Yes, your honor. the butcher was
ugly. | asked him for choice cut"
What did he give your An under
cut" Three dollars and costs."--
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Il suppose you love to give pleasure
said the altrurian TO the humorous lee
turer. "Ses, Indeed" replied the other.
I'D have to quit II didn't. you know"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
$50 your son has returned from col.
lege. has heg" Eyes" "Did he get his
degree?' "Yes; he got about fifteen
degrees below the graduating require
ment."-Riehmond Dispatch.
She-Indeed, it's not an easy thing
for girl TO get husband. He-Why.
a pretty girl can make her choice OF
four out of every five men she meets.
She-But It's the fifth man she wants.
what do you call these?" he asked
at the breakfast table. FLANNEL
cakes" replied the wife OF his bosom.
FLANNEL? They made a mistake and
sold you corduroy this time. "-Balti.
more American.
Over Nothing: This wireless teleg-
raphy reminds me of groundless
quarrel ''What possible connection
Is there between the twoT' Its prac-
tfcally having words over nothing
Philadelphia Times.
Mrs. Housekeep-Why don't you &c
to work? Weary Walker-Well. lady. |
yer see I'm wat yer might call an ''un-
happy medium" Mrs. Housekeep--In. |
deed? And what do you mean by thatl |
Weary Walker-Why. I'm too heavy
fur light work and too light fur heavy
work.-Philadelphia Press.
Elderly-I saw you with the charm.
Ing Miss Hedstrong to-day. know
her parents very well. Youngman-Do |
you? wish you'd put In bad word
for me with them. EIderly--You mean
4 'good" word. OF course. Youngman
No, | don't. III | only get her parents
TO oppose me I'll land the girl sure
Philadelphia Press.
Il never undertake an important
business venture in the afternoon; his
tory has established superstition that
makes II seem unfortunate to do so."
TO what historical event do you at
tribute such theory as that?" "Why.
the fall OF Adam. That happened at
the approach of Eve. you know
Richmond Dispatch.
Tailed One: "EuphemIa," said young
"wlll you marry meT 81
will notv' replied the young woman, in
iignantly. Miss Lickladder," be re-
Joined. making an entry In small
book and replacing 1t In
lis pocket, "you have the honor OF be-
ng the first girl who has refused me
'ince the new century began. Chi
ago Tribune.
Harry-Uncle George, at the end Of
his marriage notice Of Cousin Toms
t says: mo cards" What does that
mean? Uncle George-It doesn't mean
Harry. That Is to say, 1t is
,nly blind. 1t Is promise that Tom
will give up cards; but, bless you, he
Won't be a month married before he'll
'e back to the poker table again.--Bos-
on Transcript.
Johnny-Pa, doesn't man sometimes
peak so rapidly that the stenographer
ant follow him, and say so many
wonderful things that they are lost in
dmlration Of his elOquence? PA--Yes;
have heard that something of the
lind does happen now and then; but
Why do you ask, Johnny? Johnny--I
lotlce that when you make speech
he papers always say. "Mr. Breeze
.lso spoke. e."-Boston Transcript.
The Real Trouble: Mrs. de Style
looking from her paper)-The idea!
old that reporter not to mention my
anne In connection with the Glugere's
eception, and yet he's done 1t. I'll
ust go down to that newspaper office
o-morrow and see about this. Mr.. de
'tyle-Oh! I wouldn't pay any atten.
lon to 1t, my dear. Mrs. de Style--I
but they've got my name
PEELED wrong.-PhiladelphIa Press.
What Hurt Worst: II don't mind \
nin' appuaQd ~ Lidpantn, 49,. L1.,a. Il