Amador ledger., 1901-03-01

"sHE BUST INTO TEARS"
ed the public 100000 pounds of soap
in the last year, and the family clock
might have stopped without his taking
notice of it. When about so sobs and
signs and groans had failed to arouse
him, Mrs. Gallup sat up and said:
Samuel, you know l went over to
see Mrs. Taylor. AS she has 'leven
children and is allus willin to lend me
her fatirons, | thought it only right to
tell her that the whole 'leven might be
taken down with chicken pox any min
it. l hadn't hardly got my mouth open
before she bust into tears and put her
arm around me. She wasn't cryin on
account of the chicken pox, but on my
account. l bad bad news for her, but
she had Bladder for me. Don't you
want to know what it wasp
Mr.. Gallup didn't. He was reading
testimonial from the wife of a gov
ernor that the Virgins washer had
brought joy to her household when ev-
erything else had failed, and he was
deaf to the outside world. Mrs. Gallup
waited reasonable time for a reply
and then said:
1.-THE news she had to tell me,
Samuel, was that had but three days
to live. If hadn't gone over there she
would have come over here, as she
thought / ought to be maxim ready.
That's Mrs. Taylor all over. She's allus
dom sunthin for other folks. You must
remember when Saray Ann Spooner
died? And you remember when Uncle
Goodrich was hooked to death by a
COW? WAL, Mrs. Taylor had warnin
three days ahead that both of 'em was
goin to perish. Her clock suddenly
stopped with a whir-r-r-r, and both
hands p'inted in certain direction. At
o'clock this afternoon the clock stop
ped ag'in and the hands p'inted right
toward our house. That meant me.
In three days from now I'll be sailin
around among the Clouds"
Mr.. Gallup didn't dispute it. He was
reading that the Virgins washer
would do the work of ten women at
the washboard, and he was giving the
inventor credit for being a bigger man
than P. T. Barnum or Dan Rice.
"I'm glad it's come, Samuel" con-
tinued Mrs. Gallup in more cheerful
tones. "You know l hev bin expectin
to die any mint for the last %
years, and it has kinder kept me up
sot You'll be glad, too. because you
don't like the smell of camphor and
mustard plasters around. You may
feel little lonesome for two or three
days after I'm gone, but with playin
checkers, goin to the debatin society
and lookin around for a second wife
you'll soon chirk up and git your appe-
tite back. amt goin to ask you who
you shall take for your second wife,
but before l go l want to talk with
you about the house. Will you talk
With me, Samuel"
Mr.. Gallup refused to commit him.
self. That Virgins washer was being
sold for $40 when other and inferior
machines were foisted on the public at
SIS. and he WAS saying to himself that
Virgins ought to have the gratitude of
the nation. Mrs. Gallup shed seven or
eight tears. caught a sob between her
teeth and went on:
I'm the first place. the oven door to
the stove needs a new hinge 1t got
broke seven years ago, but l have got
along with it so as to save expense.
Then the snout is broke off our two
quart pitcher, and the handle is off the
gallon jug. If was goin to stay right
along on earth, | shouldn't tell you
that we ought to hev a new set of tea
spoons or that there are three holes in
the dishpan, but I'm goin fur, fur
away, and your second wife won't put
up with things as | hev. We are still
sleepin on the same feather bed moth
er gave me when we was married. and
the feathers ought to hev new tickin.
If was to live on, could make the
old sheets do fur year more; but
as it is, guess you'll hev to buy at
least two. You ought to hev some pill
larslips toe. Down cellar you'll find
half barrel of soft soap, two jars of
peach pickles and six gallons of apple
butter. 1 hope your second wife will
be as careful of 'em as l hev bin.
Many a time l hev wanted a peach
pickle in the middle of the afternoon,
but wouldn't go down arter it and be
pig. Did l tell you about the cider
vinegar, Samuel?"
Mr.. Gallup was holding his breath
over the statement that the Virgins
washer washed a shirt for the govern
or of Arizona in Is seconds, and of
course he didn't answer.
1.-THE cider vinegar amt no good,
Samuel. 1t didn't work, and you might
as well throw it away. Before you
marry ag'in you ought to fix the leak
in the roof, git a new pump for the
well, whitewash the kitchen and buy
new mop handle. First wives can
git along most any way and make one
mop last for 20 years, but second wives
begin to kick right away. l amt tellin
you these things because I'm jealous,
Samuel, but because it's my duty as
dyin wife. don't want you to hev to
go huntin the house all over after I'm
gone to find things. Remember, your
dyin wife, who hain't asked you to buy
har q hairDin for II vaorc tolls voy,