The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1901-07-24
IN A HUMOROUS VEIN.

! Mrs. Newlywed-"Am | the most
wasteful thing you ever saw, dear 2"
MIR. New ywed-''O course not, pet.
| have seen the Panama canal and q
t billion dollar Congress-" Judge.
f "My ~ he exclaimed admiringly,
f you look like a peach" "Well, real
~, she replied, noticing restaurant
IN the middle distance "I do feel like
! something to eat"
"Did you know that Richard lie Gal
licAnc, poet and novelist, Is also an
eminent ocuist? ?n
"WeIl, knew that some of his DO
ems We're cyc-opcncrs." Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Crawford "Comc around TO the
house and have dinner, old boy ?n
Crabshaw -"No; on your life. |
brought YOU home when you were
drunk, the other night, and your wife
got a good look at me. ."--Town Topics.
Tom Mary, did understand you
that your attack of rheumatism was
cured by Christian Science, so.calod ?n
Mary-"No, sir. The attack of
Christian Science was cured by an at
TACK OF rheumatism. buffalo News,
Poetic Bridcgroom--"I could SIT
mere forever, gazing into your eye and
listening to the wash of the ocean,
Practical Bride-"Oh, that reminds
me, darling we have not paid our
laundry bill yet" Brooklyn Life.
Tess -"Young Mr.. Saphcad tells me
his first name is Noah. What do you
think of that ?"
Jcss-'Scunds funny, doesn't it ?n
Tess" Funny ? It's ridiculous.
Noah had sense enough TO 90 i'm when
it rained."-phiadclphia Press.
"Why do you wander amcssly from
place to place ?' inquired the philan-
thropist.
"Wcll," answered Mcanderng Mike.
"clght hours sleep Il day is enough for
anybody an we've gotcr do some
ting wit de other lG hours, amt wc?"
Washington Star.
"Ihe storm did a great deal of dam
age in our ncighborhood. Blimber's
house was struck by lightning and set
on fire, and jim llolt's barn was burn
cG, with two valuable horses"
"Ges, and we had two quarts of
fresh milk sourcd by the thundcr."-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Junior Partner 81 received a note
from our book-keepcr this morning
saying that he wouldn't be able TO come
down for several days"
Senior Partncr-"W What's the matter
with the man %
Junior Partncr-''IIis wife has been
cutting his hair. Flown Topics.
The Whitsctt, Ga, Courier has this
marriage notice in It's social column
"Unclc EbcnoZcr Sprawls, aged 90,
was married to Susanna Height, aged
So, on Tuesday last. The happy couple
left on the noon train for their honey
moon. We wish them long life of
welded bliss. No cards although we
offered to print some for them, cheap
Papa" Where's my umbrella? Pm
sure put it in the halstand with the
others last evening""
Willic--"I guess Mabcrs beau took
1t when he went home last night
Mabel" Why, Willie ! The idea -
Willie" " ell, when he was sayin'
goodnight to you heard him say,
I'm going TO steal just one. ~ phia-
dclphia Press.
Mr.. Suburban 81 was called on by
II committee to-day who wanted me to
contribute something toward the build
ing of new fence around the old GEM
ctcry.'
Mrs. Suburban --"And how much
did YOU ave them, dear 2"
Mr.. Suburban 81 gave them moth
ing, simply because do no: see the
necessity for building fence Those
who are in the cemetery can't get out,
and | don't believe there is anyone
very ANXIOUS to get in. Baltimore
Sun.
"My dear" sad the fair girls faith
er, 81 Ilstcucd TO your graduation essay
with a great deal Of interest"
"Dld you p she cjOned Coolly.
eyes ; and want to say that have
been doing you an injustice and that /
am sorry for it. used to think you
were worrying about what Susie Slmp-
kins was going to wear, or whether
Charlie Chumpklns was going to call,
whcp all this time YOU were pOndcring
on the ultimate Destiny of the IIu-
man Race. ~
"Ethcl," he said, in that soft, COO
lng tone, which sounds so foolish to
The dIsintcrestcd bystandcr, "I think
that there is no treasure to equal a
true wOman's affection"
"And ~ she answered, "bclicvc
that no riches can compare to the love
# an honest man"
With all his sentiment he was a man
of business, and without hesitation he
rcjoincd
Miss Smithcrs, does it not occur tc
you that we have enough capital at our
disposal to organize a trust "'--Wash-
ington Star.
Molrcll-"Ah, there is no denying
that the way of the transgressor is
: hard.'
Worrcl-"I don't know about that.
Nearly every transgrcssor ! ever met
| had n way with him that WAS dcciIedly