davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Had Fun with the Parson.

A clerical friend of mine told me q
capital story of Yale man who was
the stroke oar Of his crew and the chief
athlete on the football field.
He entered the ministry and spent
years in missionary labor in the Far
West. Walking one day through a
frontier town, cowboy stepped up to
him and said:
"Parson, you don't have enough fun.
Take a drinkp'
The minister declined.
''Well," he said, "parson, you must
have some fun. Here's faro layout.
Take a hand in the game"
The minister declined.
"Parson," said the cowboy, you'll
die if you don't have some fun"
And he knocked the parsons hat of
his head and hit him a whack on the
ear.
The old athletic spirit rose; the
science which had been learned in the
college gymnasium and forgotten for a
quarter of a century was aroused, a
blow landed on the jaw of that cow
boy that sent him sprawling in the
street.
The parson walked over him as If he
had been door rug, picked him up and
busted the side of the house with him
and then mopped up the sidewalk with
his form.
AS the ambulance was carrying the
cowboy of he raised his head feebly
and said:
"Parson, what did you fool me for!
You are chock full Of NEW York
Times.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

The late Henry W. Payne, Of the
Massachusetts, bar, was once defend
ing charity case, In which boy Of Il
was charged with arson. He made a
strong case to prove the defendant an
idiot. After a charge from the judge
which was practically an order for ac'
quittal, the jury brought in verdict OF
guilty. The Judge asked Payne IL he
would move for new trial. II thank
you for your suggestion" was the an
swer, but | am oppressed with the
gravest doubts whether l have the
right to move for new trial. Your
honor, have already asked for and
received for my idiot client the mos
precious heritage Of our English and
American common lava trial by q
jury of his peers
Payne had an old quarrel with the
Supreme Court, and never lost an op-
portunity of showing his contempt foE
that body. Once, riding from Boston
to Cambridge with load Of law books
he was accosted by a young Harvard
man with the remark: "You have
quite load, Mr.. Payne. Law books,
supposef' "0h, no." was the answer
"only Supreme Court reports. New
York Tribune.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Cooperative WORDS" IN LAW.
what Thsy Mean In Legal and Bnal
neaa transactions.

what They Mean In Legal and nnal.
nsss transactions.
Operative words." said member OF
the District bar. "are Of the utmost Inn
portanee In legal documents and in
business Affairs,
Probably the most seriously import.
ant operative word In human affalrs is
composed OF but three letters, and II
appears In print thus; Yes When
she says yes to a man Il means that
she transfers her heart and hand. and
formerly all OF her property, TO him
who asks her 20 be. etc. This little
word establishes the most important
contract Of society, and, while this con.
tract may afterward be dissolved by
mutual consent. IL one Of the contract.
ing parties demurs and backs out a suit
for damages Is open to the other.
"ln auction sales the property put up
IL anybody's until the auctioneer says
gone or 'sold' and the hammer drops.
No matter how the sale Is regretted. or
how much the parties would like TO re-
tract II, II stands and the court will
sustain H.
I'm a viii they are give, devise and
beQueath.' Real property IL devised
and personal property 'beQueathed.
"In a note the borrower must prom
Ise' 20 pay, and in q bond he must
bind himself.
I'm some States In deed certain
words are necessary to convey real es-
tate. The courts have held generally.
however. that the word grant WIN car
~ a good title. In New York, for In
stance. the operative words constitute
quite a formula. and are grant bar
gain. sell. assign. transfer. set over and
convey That's the old form. Now
the words grant and release are sutii-
Client.
In lease the word let must be
used. They have an odd formula in
New York. used for centuries, proba-
bly,, consisting OF grant demise and
to farm let and 1t applies to all kinds
OF property, In Quitclaim deed the
word 'quitclaim' must be used
Washington stas
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
PONY nnd Rnttlesnako.

A California farmer, who has three
small children, owns a pony which is
their constant companion. They have
ridden him, rolled over him. fed him,
and have come to consider him as one
Of the family. When the children went
ON an expedition and did not want to
ride, the pony went along as IL he had
been q pet dog. A San Francisco news
paper tells the following story of the
pony's presence OF mind:
One day the three children went on a
nutting expedition, and while they
gathered the nuts, the pony grazed near
by. Suddenly, almost beneath the feet
Of the nut gatherers, there was an om-
inous whir, and they saw with horror
huge rattlesnake coiled ready to
strike.
The children huddled together, too
much frightened to move. but as the
deadly head went back, there was a
quick trample of hoofs, rush through
the bushes, and the pony appeared.
With his four little sharp hoofs
brought together he shot up into the air,
landed squarely on the snakes coil, and
was of again before the wicked head
could strike.
The interruption had released the
frightened children from the charm,
and they ran a short distance away,
and stopped to witness the contest. The
rattler was wounded, but full of fight,
and coiled again, and again the pony
landed on him and got away safely.
This time the snakes body was nearly
severed in two places, and the snake
was conquered. The pony walked round
1t, and, apparently satisfied, gave a
cheerful whinny and returned to his
grazing.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
A Dream DispeIIed.

The woman was standing in the door,
way, shading her eyes with her hand
She called across the garden:
"You, Innocence Williams. Come in,
honey, outen that hot sun. You'll burn
yer little cheeks as brown ez berry,
Come in, Innocence"
One would have expected to see a
fairy-like creature rise, as from the
heart Of a flower, and drift dreamily
over the violet beds. But instead, n
gaunt, tall figure, with face Drowned
and bonneted, shambled toward the
house, dragging a dead rattlesnake by
its rattles.
1t was Innocence Williams. Thar
mammyp she explained, tossing the
snake over the palings. "That makes
ten I've kilt sence the fust O. Junew-
Atlanta Constitution.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
rHE nsuslNEss pooToR.n y


Employed by the Large Department
stores In New York.
A unique calling has developed itself
In this city. II may be called that Of
the business doctor. The business doc.
tor Is man who goes to business
houses and is allowed to examine thor.
oughly the whole working OF the INA.
chine" He finds out, for example. how
/ the letters are opened and distributed,
how orders are executed. how many
people are employed, what Is the exact
nature OF the work they do. what are
the wages they are receiving, and so
on. In the case OF 4 large concern he
may need week to get full posses.
sion OF the facts. and he charges at
least 500 day for his work. When he
has completed his Investigations he
draws up report, and adds to II a
number OF practical suggestions His
object Is to prevent waste, and espe.
cially to check the constant tendency
In working expenses 10 rise year by
year without any compensating advan,
tages, One OF the largest department
stores In the city employed the services
OF doctor recently. He found that
the partners came down about 10 and
opened the letters together, AS their
correspondence was enormous. the
opening of the letters necessitated a
waste OF much valuable time. He
therefore advised that woman who
was to be paid a salary OF $1,000 a year
should be engaged to open the letters
before the partners arrived, and sort
them. allotting each partner his own
letters, so that when he came down to
business he might deal with them i'm
mediately. This Recommendation was
adopted, and has been found to save a
great deal Of precious time. as was In,
tended. He also advised the rearrange-
ment of the duties of the assistants.
Some were receiving too much. others
to little.-New York Evening Post.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Not Hungry. But.

Young Bride-Why, Charlie, you
do not seem to be eating anything
this morning. And | got up early to
make these biscuits for you.
Charles-No, dear; l don't feel at
all hungry this morning, to tell the
truth. Your biscuits are very nice
indeed. By the way. / wonder il
there are any of those dog biscuit left
that l bought for Nero Friday.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
First Of the VanderbiIts.

The first Of the vanderbilts In this
country was Jan Aertsen Van der Bit
Holland farmer, who came to the new
world in the first half of the seven
teenth century, and who settled in the
neighborhood of Brooklyn, about 1850
AS the name indicates, the family be.
Songed originally to either the village
Of Bit, a suburb Of Utrecht, or the par
ish of Bit, in Frisia.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

"What do you think of that whis.
ky?" asked the host.
"Well," said the guest, smacking
his lips as he sat down his glass, 1T
reminds me OF a good story"
Lets have it,
"Oh, you misunderstood me.
merley wish to imply that it's worth
repeating"
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

Mr.. Isolate (of Lonelyville, on
evening train, embarrassed You
may notice that nearly every suburb
ante is bringing out either a new
cook or waitress with him?
Mr.. Brooklyn Borough (his guest,
critically)--You might call this a
Cooks personally conducted excur.
sion.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Doesn't Boast Of Il Now.

Nell--She used to boast THAT she
was one of the charter members Of
the Woman's Suffrage Club. She
doesn't appear to be SO proud of it
now.
Belle-Ohl she's just as proud, but
you know, the club was organized Is
years ago, and she must have been at
least 20 when she joined.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

Gold and silver are poured abundantly
into the lap of the nation, but our material
wealth and strength is rather in iron, the
most useful of all metals, just as the
wealth of human being lies in auSef0l
until il is disabled, try Hostetter's Stonl-
ach Bitters. II viii relieve the ologge1
bowels, improve the appetite and cure
constipation, dyspepsia, bilousness, liver
and kidney disease.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Sick Women


Happiness win go out Of your life
forever, my sister, II you have any
Of the symptoms mentioned in Mrs.
Valentines letter, unless you act
promptly. Procure Lydia z. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound at once.
1t is absolutely sure TO help you. Then
write for advice II there Is anything
about your case you do not under
stand.
You need not be afraid to tell the
things you could not explain 20 the
doctor--yoar letter win be seen only by
women. All the persons who see priv
ate letters at Mrs. Pinkhams Lahora-
tory, at Lynn, Mass, are women. All
letters are confidential and advice abso-
lutely free.
Here Is the letters - at Is with
pleasure that add my testimony to
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
A Generous Admission.

'You're a little late, my love"
"a little late. But I'm all right. "
eyes my dear Let me hear you
pronounce the name 81 the Whitney
horse that won the Derby"
"Ehl The Whitney horseS Well,
] guess that's horse ON me-"
"Never mind my dear. / can't
pronounce il myself. "
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

'My DEAR" said Rev. DR.. Gallery,
''have you had the advertisement OF
my Sunday services inserted as usual. "
"I've done better than that, " re-
piled his clever wife. "I've sent
word to the society editors that Mr..
and Mrs. ]. Blugore De Worse will
very probably be present.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
An Enchanting Picture.

Mr.. Harlemfat-That must be an
affectionate passage in that novel you
are reading.
Mrs. Harlemfat--It's description
of woman's boudoir. Think of a
place large enough to have boudoir !!
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

81 understand that he has long
been a student of political economy. "
said the visitor.
He has, " said Senator Glucose,
and his economy in politics has kept
him out of office. He thinks he can
be elected without spending cent. "
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
The Fright side.

at is said that Holsters will be ex.
tinct in 25 years." remarked Hiland.
"Oh, WELL" replied Malket, who is
very fond of lobster. "let US not worry
about it. Let us look on the bright side.
We may all die before that time
Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Waiting for His Man.

A preacher riding down "A ravine
came upon an old mountaineer hid.
ing in the bushes with his rife.
"What are you doing there, my
iriend2"
ride on, stranger, was the easy
answer. ''I'm a-waitin' for Bill
Johnson, and, with the help OF the
Lawd, I'm goin' to blow his damn
head off. F."
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
DANGER SIGNS.

Dusty Dan-I hopes won't run
aginst ennybuddy in dis town wot II
make me take bath.
Layaround Lucas-Let's go t'roo
dis alley, den; look at dem guys
sprinklin' wild hose down de street.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Her Handwriting.

Brown-Hullo; what's the matter?
Green-0, I'm in an awful fix.
proposed to Miss Gray and have Just
got her answer.
Brown-And she's refused you?
Green-I don't know. | can't read
her writing.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Easi.r IoA

Mrs Cobwigger-- Poor thing, she
tried to reform her husband and
failed.
Mrs. Dorcas--What is she TRYING
to do nowg
Mrs. Cobwiggre - To reform the
world.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Each in It's Place.

WiIlie--Pa, is there any difference
between a violin and fiddle?
Pa-Yes, my son; Ii you hear it at
a concert or an opera it's a violin,
but when your next door neighbor
plays it it's fiddle.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

Lady-Bridget, did you give the
gold fish fresh water today?
Bridget-Holy st. Patrick! Have
the cratures drank up the whole
bowl of wather oi gave thin yester-
dav2
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Give Up

Ado you know of anything to do
for seasickness?
B-Give up.
That's just what did when /
was seasick.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

Swiggers-That man Killtime is a
shrewd fellow.
Swaggers-Why?
Swiggers-He gave lawn moving
party yesterday and had the guests
cut the grass.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
The Reason.

He-It's strange you members of
the Vassar alumni don't hold class
reunions.
She-Not at all. You may as we'll
ask woman her age as to ask her
what year she graduated.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

"A Cornell professor says that frog
spawn can be carried up in the at
mosphere and Matched out in the
clouds. +"
''By gum, you bet I'll carry an um-
brella the next time ! go out. y
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
win Re weII Dom.

Cuticus--What are you farmers
preparing to do this year?
Haycede (absent-mindedly Sum
mer boarders, as usual.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Destructiveness

Phrenologist--Your bump of de,
structiveness is very large. Are you
soldier or pugilist.
Subject-Neither. I'm furniture
mover.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

YOU Know WHAT YOU ARE TAKING
when YOU take Groves Tasteless Chill Tonic,
nine In q tasteleSs form. No Cure. Ne Pay. Soc,
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Hsr.disy.

Irate Parent-I begin co see that
I've got fool for sonl
Philosophical Offspring-Ah, my
dear dad, what wonderful thing is
heredity.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Half Named John,

There are 100000 Smiths in the
world, according to statisticlan.
About half of them are of the feminine
persuasion, and most of the other half
are named John.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
MulhulIsd.

Towne--See that man? Well, sir,
he landed in this country with his
bare feet and now he's got millions.
Browne-Gee Whit He's worse off
than a centipede, isn't her
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
The Shirt Waist.

The women claim their feelings hurt
They're kicking up fuss,
Because we men adopt the shirt
That first they stole from us.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

EnTN Permanently Cured. No its er nervousness
E1A0 after first day, use Of Or Klinss Great Nerve
RestQrer Send for FREE - 90 trial bottle and treat.
se- DR. r II KLISE. Lid sSl ArchSt. Philadelphia Pa
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

Piso's Cure for Consumption is an infal-
hbie medicine for coughs and colds.--N.
W. SAMUEL. Ocean Grove, n. j., Feb IL,
1900.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

"John Bull is trying to down our
locomotives. I"
"They'll run him down fast enough
ii he gets in the way. /"
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Sooth-
ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their
children during the teething period.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
The Poor City Boy.

Oh, the city boy is bundled
In hiE heavy overcoat,
With his costly leather !eggings,
With silk thing round his throat,
And be slides upon the sidewalk
Where the ashes have been spread,
And Imagines he is happy
On
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
mo- CuRE a CoLp IN ONE pAY
A Shrswd fellow.

Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund the money If il fails TO cure.
g. W. Groves signature is on each box. Csc.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
SSsss Soss. fSs Sst GGsgs tseg Sn;s ssd
Encore.

Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablets cure cold IL
one day. No cure, No Pay. Price 25 cents
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

The Best Prescription for Malaria :.
Thtlls and Fever is q bottle of Groves Tasteless
Chill Tonic. 1t Is simply iron and quinine in
tasteless form. No Cure. No Pay. Price Soc
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
@mAr,r

This signature is on every box Of the genuine
Laxative BromO.Q .Quinine Tablet.
tAs remedy that euEes a esla In one dny
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

your list, hop
ing IL may in
duce others to
avail M
selves of the
benefit of your
valuable rem
edy. Before
taking Lydia
e. Pinkllam's
Vegetable
Compound /
felt very bad
|N,wasterribly
nervous, and
tired, had sick
headaches. no
tiAe
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

gnawing pain in stomach, pain in my
back and right side, and so weak I
could scarcely stand. l was not able
TO do anything. Had sharp pains all
through my body. Before l had taken
half bottle Of your medicine, ! found
myself improving. continued its use
until l had taken four bottles, and felt
20 well that did not need TO take any
more. / am like new person, and
your medicine shall always have my
praise. +" - Mrs. w. p. VALENTINE, SOC
Ferry Avenue, Camden, Nj.
9Knnf1 wlII 10 naIsf n 6hgs fssfanos
T.ssS g. s e s. 1Ss g. s.fs%@ssR: s@a:.A.n
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
WEST TRuAx

wholesale Druggists, Toledo, y
WALpINe, KISNAN q MAnvTN,
wholesale Druggists, Toledo ..
Halls Catarrh Cure is ken n. rnally, &C. ing
cirec!ly on the blood and Mucous surfaces o.
the system. Pri e 7Sc per bottle. sod BY al
drug; lists. Testimonials fxee.
Halls Family Pill r I'd best
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
How,s THIS

We OFFER One Hundred Dollars Reward for any
case Of CAtarrh that can not be cured by Halls
Catarrh Cure.
FL. CHENEY CO., Props, Toledo, O.
We the undersigned, have known F. J. Cheney
!or the past 10 years, and believe him perfectly
hone -abl in all busin IS transactions and fin
npcial able to carry out any obligations made
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
Slew HEALING
With rich, pure, strong blooo

rchpu strong
- V&E UW - I'LL "a troubled
NEWN WM UEW 81 III or cut injury
Wv ~ n " a y 8AA - heals in few days,
supplying the healing
G ADMO balm Of healthy blood; but when the
OVH - q efee matter slight scratch abrasion OF the skin
becomes fostering tiny pin1pes to be bois,
healing
polluted blood health not only keep the
skin state of inflammation fibre OF the body
suffers sluggsh circulation You feel we'll not
relieved
contaminated
kind become chronic and often develop into Cancer
poverty
continued treated
torpid oeoeo
sIeno me 70
blood
ccnsttu
wonderfuy nave 20 pounds
ing into the flesh, muscles, - D. AA1a
and down into - 80 "A"' -'
reeuperae anda fatal.
vitality
irritating ons and that life and
dfgure S. the only guaranteed purely vegetable blood
he contains potash other huru drug
blood and thus rdding the the impurities
painful At
improves S.,
and healthy troubled with bo carbunces
physicians all about don't risk Judgment
medical experienced doctors free Book Blood
THE SWIFT SPECIFIC COMPANY. ATLANTA, GA.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
CcrOfula

rev are entirely free from II.
1t may develop 30 slowly IS to causs
nttls II any disturbance during the whole
period Of childhood.
Il may then produce irregularity Of the
stomach and bowels, dyspepsia, catarrh,
and marked tendency TO consumption
before manifestlng itself in much cataneous
eruption Of glandalar swelling.
It Is best to be sure that you are quite
free from Il, and for its complete eradica-
tion you can rely on
Hoods J0rS1pGrilLd
The best Of all medicines for all humors,
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
home
naHa
EleL.
Oh nifty the poor city

Oh, pity the poor city
Boy who never gets beyouo
The narrow, ashy sidewalk
Or some hampered little pond,
All, the hill was high and slopins,
And the way was clear ahead
Where a country boy went coasting
On
home
made
sled.
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29
bright
new
sled

There's bill that's high and sloping,
In the country, far away,
Where q boy who wasn't bundled
Fit to smother used to stray;
With the swiftness Of the lightning
Down the cleaning hill he sped,
And no ashes ever grate'
Meath
his
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

swollen joints and infamed &
sores. A polluted blood is alw'
skin in a chronic state Of inh
suffers from an impure and slui
and never can be well until the
ties. With the blood so con
cores of every kind are apt tS
Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-08-29

UuC d uGVNL LLUHUINU VIII OOIco
or ulcers. A cut or any injury to
the flesh heals in a few days,
nature a,1nr,lxino Ffhe healing