The age-herald., 1901-03-31

master IS called 10 ldSk TOT neBlecl ol the slightest duty the same as. if the gov ernment was paying him a good salary for his work But in very small offices I have heard of postmasters who have it all their own way.
 May Become an Autocrat.
 The office is too small for a new post master to be easily found if the old one is turned out. the patrons will not allow it to be discontinued, and so the postal authorities turn away nonplused, and leave him to his own devices. I heard of one postmaster of this kind who shut up his office to attend anything he felt was worth while attending. He would go off a dozen miles to a show, prize fight, or the county fair, and sometimes stay two or three days. and there was no getting in his office either to get your mail or deposit letters until he came back. Another postmaster of this kind, having just lent a friend all the postal funds, amounting to some $2 or S. an hour after saw postoffice inspector mak- ing his way leisurely toward the office Knowing from past experience that the inspector would make just as big a kick about the S3 as he would about $100O be- ing out of pocket in the office, the post master did some quick thinking.
 In a jiffy he had barred the door and run a red bandanna handkerchief out of a side window. When the inspector haughtily demanded that the door be op- ened the postmaster asked him if he didn't know what a red flag meant, and if he didn't want to know he'd better not stop too long to investigate. By this time the little burg was in a panic over this hint of smallpox, and without waiting to
 l1 41.g otr,,. immediately made himself scarce in that region
 Another case was where, time and again. the department had been made aware of gross Irregularities in the man agement of one office away in the wilds somewhere. At last an inspector was or dered out to look up the matter.
 Held Mail for Bill.
 At the wayside station nearest this postoffice the inspector learned that it was kept by an old mountaineer named Saunders, who owned everything in sight around 1t, and on this account could hold the office against all applicants. The in- spector was forced to wend his way afoot to the place. It's general wildness caused a slight feeling of apprehension in his mind. and he approached it with some stealth, taking an inventory of it from
 
 pine structure. in front of which sat man as rough-looking as the shanty, tilt ed back in a split-bottomed chair placidly smoking a pipe. Presently he laid his pipe down, and pushing his hat back from his eyes. peered over in some bushes beyond the office calling out as he pcered: "I see you, Jim Larkin; you needn't come sneakin' aroun' here. I've tole an tole you thet you can't hey no oil for them taters you bought las fall Now, git!'
 From behind the bushes a shaggy head now popped up. and a voice said plead inglv; "Saunders. I've heern there's now two letters here fut me; thet one thet come three months ago, an one thet come the tother day. "a like to hev' 'em; I'm fccred some of my folks is sick or they wouldn't be a-writin so offen."
 Nary a letter do you git till them ta- tcrs is settled fud"' The postmaster s voice was decisive.
 i've got part of the money to pay you, an Mary said fur me to not dar' come home without them letters of had to wanup you to get 'em. And now Larkin advanced. holding out some silver, and disclosing himself as something akin in build and ege to Saunders. The postmas- tor took the money, and going into the house. came out with one letter
 There's half yer mail, LarlSin, he said; ; Now ef you want the other half you'll hey to do what Mary said fer you to do. Come on.'
 Looked Bad for Inspector.
 The next moment, without any prelimi- nary skirmishing, at one another they went In less than two minutes Larkin was completely knocked out.
 "Thereu said the postmaster, brushing the dust from off his shirt and overalls, "I need jis' a leetle sich exercise ev'ry day to keep me in good health. Tell Mary feel so good over wallupin you thet ef she comes over herself she kin hey thet letter, and I'll scratch the rest of that tatar money off'n the book"
 The inspector, feeling that in this case discretion was the better part of valor, turned tracks for home without inter viewing Saunders, and reported him at