davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
DISQUALIFIED.

Miss swagger--I don't think Miss
Marble ought to be permitted to sing
in our choir.
Mr.. Basso-Why2 she has lovely
voicel
Miss Swagger-That may be, but
she's wearing her last years hat made
over-Ohio State Journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
An Indignant Denial.

$50 !" exclaimed Senator Sor-
ghum, mechanically; "that poll
tician says 1 have betrayed my. trust,
does he?"
eyes
"Well you can go and tell him to
his teeth that he has uttered an un-
truth. l have stood by my trust ever
since it put up the money for my
campaign, years ago. "-Washington
Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
In the Blood.

Jack I've resolved to give up drink
ing and betting and all that sort of
thing.
Tom-oh, you'll never keep that
resolution.
Jack-I'lI bet you the drinks do.
Glasgow Evening Times.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Continuous Performance.

swell, no man has to die more
than once, anyway.
81 don't know about that. How
about the youngest soldier to enlist
in the civil war? He dies regularly
every year or SO. .''-Philadelphia
Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Quite Strange.

Blobbs-It seems funny that living
altogether on the ocean they should
never get their sea legs on.
Slobbs-Whom are you talking
about?
Blobbs-The mermaids.
phia Record.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29

BROOKLYN, N. Y, Oct. A. People
who have headaches know what they
are, and those who take Garfield Head
ache Powders know how completely and
how quickly they can be cured. This
remedy is peculiarly adapted to the
needs of nervous women.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29

BROOKLYN, N. Y, Oct. 14.-The value
of Garfield Tea, the herb cure, is sug-
gested by these facts: it is a specific for
all diseases of the liver, kidneys, stom-
ach and bowels; it purifies the blood
and lays the foundation for health.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Bound to Sell.

Barber-Wouldn' It you like bottle
of our hair restorer?
Customer-No; thank you. I pre-
fer to remain bald-headed.
Barber-Then our hair restorer is
just the thing you want, sir.-Tit-
Rits
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Necessary Preeaution.

Mrs. P-I ordered new dress pat
tern here yesterday, to be sent.
wonder if it has been cut yet?
Shopwaker-Certainly not, madam.
The assistant said you hadn't been
in to change your mind yet.-Tit-
Bits,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Why They Gushed.

"But his letters are so gushing, !"
they protested to the fair young thing
who was corresponding with senti-
mental youth.
81 know they are," she said, but
you must remember that he writes
with a fountain pen" baltimore
American.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Tommy's Little Hint.

Tommy-Tell me story, uncle.
Uncle-A story! But I don't know
what to tell story about.
Tommy-Oh, tell me a story about
a little boy who had a good uncle
who gave him 10 0cents.-Indianapolis
Sun.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Consolation.

Farmer Mosshachker-The princi-
pal of the academy says my daughter
has got Evolutionary talent.
Farmer Hornback -Wa-al, don't
take it too much to healt, .Enoch
she may outgrow it.-Puck. 4
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Naturally Puzzled.

HE ees," said the French traveller,
"what you call re 1oundsman.' He
say he have been long on re beat. l
ask: What you go around?' He
say ze skevaire. o, zees languagep'
Chicago Herald.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Plenty Of That.

Askit- So you think there was
glory enough to go around at Santi-
ago?
Tellit-Yes; and there was loss OF
memory enough to go all the way
around Cuba and back again.
more American.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
She Loved Botany.

She said she loved botany. They
were wandering through horticul-
tural hall.
"And where do they keep the cleo
trio plants?" she asked.
He was too shocked to repiy.-Phil-
adelphia Times.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
None to Initiate.

.Now, Johnny, his mother said, as
they started for church, ST want you
to behave like good little boy.''
81 can't, blubbered Johnny. "I
don't know any good little boy."-
Chicago Tribune.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Resistance.

Paterfamilias-.tTo Tommy, stop pul.
ling that poor cats tail. y .
Tommy-'I'm not pulling it, pa.
I'm only holding on to it. The cats
pulling it. Tit Bits.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Maqnanimitv.

It became necessary for the Ems
worth papa to chastise mildly his
small son the other evening. Some
time later, wishing to negotiate for a
favor, the chastised one stated his
wishes, and as an inducement added
Papa"
''Well, James?"
eff you do this, papa, I'll excuse
you for that whipping you gave
me-" = Pittsburg Chronicle Tele-
graph.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
And They Do 1t.

''What we need to do, "cried I, hotly,
sis to take money out of politics'
81 took out all I saw, sir!' pro-
tested the legislator, with convincing
candor. or.-Detroit Journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
GOGGLES or Nothing,

'No doctor; I won't wear plain
spectacles. If I'm compelled to wear
glasses, I'll try goggles"
But, my dear sir, there is nothing
fashionable in goggles" :.
"Oh, yes?; people will think I run
an automobile. ."-Philadelphia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Dollars and Sense.

Towne-Wasn't that Cholly Sap
head who was just talking to you?
Browne-Yes, There's fellow has
more money than brains
Towne-Really.
Browne--Yes. I just loaned him
quarter.-Philadelphia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
An Eye to Business

Tommy Con a visit)-Do your specs
magnify, grandma?
Grandma-Yes, Tommy.
Tommy-Doyou mind taking them
off while you cut my cake?-Tit-B Bits.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
A Difficulty Removed.

"Dickie, when you divided those
five caramels with little sister did
you give her three?"
"No, ma, I guessed they wouldn't
come out even-so l ct one fore I
began to divide. Puck.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Celestial Costumes.

"Husband-I wonder what we shall
wear in heaven"
Wife-"Well, if you get there, John,
imagine most of us will wear sur
prised looks. Smart Set.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
In a Nutshell.

"How did you like the finale to my
first act?" inquired the playwright.
"I didn't see it" replied the first
nighter.
"Ah! Got there too late, eh?"
"No; went away too soon. "
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Her Good Management.

Agnes Well, Ferdy has finally
proposed. knew he would.
Ethel-Why, you said you thought
he had no intention of proposing.
Agnes-Well, he didn't have.-Tit-
Bits.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
A Real One.

"Whew! exclaimed the first pigeon,
wasn't that sparrow mad when I
swiped that grain of corn from him?''
II should say" replied the other.
"Talk about your small hot bird. -
Philadelphia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
1t Was All Right.

Mr.. Goodmanz-I gave you quarter
to get haircut, and you've got jag!
Wooing Slumbers-Oh, I'll get de
haircut at de Jail tomorrow forenoon! |!
OATS wo't got de jag fer.-Judge.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
An Advance in Ar.

Miss Dash, What is your club do
ing to help beautify the city?''
.sOh, we are working hard to get
the clothing houses to use the word
trousers instead of pants in their
advertisements. Detroit Free Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
A Hard Problem.

First Scientist-This is puzzling
case, indeed.
Second Scientist should say so.
Why this would puzzle an amateur
scientist. t.-Baltimor American.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Length of Illness.

Between 21 and 80 man is i'll five
and one-half days year on an average,
and between 80 and 40 seven days. In
the next ten years he loses eleven days
annually, and between 80 and 60, twen-
ty dayS
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
To The Ysrv End

An old lady, being told that a GER
tain lawyer 'was lying at the point
of death, 7" exclaimed: my gracious !!
Won't even death stop that man s
ying?"-Tit-Bits.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Very Plausible.

Jed-"Chollomy has just returned
from hunting trip. He says he
shot the biggest bear on record ;,
Ned-'That might be so. If it
hadn't been big one he would never
have hit it.''
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29

1t makes no difference what gram
matical errors are made in paying a
compliment to man, he will never
notice them.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Thoroughly Equipped.

Forse-They say Studman has the
best-equipped stable in town.
Fenton-Without a doubt! Why, he
actually has mahogany hatrack to
hang the horses, bonnets on.-Philadel-
phia Record.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Between Friends.

Edith-Ferdy and I have been en-
gagged for month, and nobody sus-
pected it.
Ethel-No, everybody thought from
his looks he'd been playing the races.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Evidence.
ssTbo+

"That child is going to make a
great golf player said the proud
father.
"How can you tell?"
81 was teaching him to walk this
morning, and the first thing he did
was to toe in as if he was about to
make drive "-Washington Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29

Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Sooth-
Ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their
children during the teething period.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29

I do not believe Piso's Cure for Con-
sumption has an equal for coughs and
colds,-JoHN F. BOYER, Trinity Springs,
Ind, Feb. Is, 1900.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
Not a Violent Purge.

The day of the cannon-ball pill is past sweet,
fragrant, mild but effective Cascarets Candy
Cathartic takes their place. All druggists, loc
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29

ETC Permanently Cured. no fits or nervousness
El1O after first day of DR. KliDes Great Nerve
Restorer. Send for FREE g.. 90 trial bottle and treat
ise. Dr.. H KLINE Ltd. g3l Arch St.. Philadelphia Pa
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29

Sure to be arrested Amy ache OF
pain-by Hamlin's famous Wizard Oil,
Your druggist sells it.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29

R1RUoaHAM Kills Lice on Poultry. You
GnO00tkAtV paint the perches, the
HE HEn Ed fumes kill the lice. Hens
LIVE Ns66GR cannot feed lice and feed
you. Price, SOC and @1.OO Sold by dealers.
PRUssIAN REMEDY CO.. Paul, Mimi
breeder of 6rstclass Sace Wyandottes
LIQUID LICE KILLER e sPeca.
right There several reliable lice and
your ST 8 al WIN, III SWAGGERT, Wayzafa. Mimi.
MALONE Of Adel. Mo the PRussIAE LICE KILLER
thing worth five times its cose
Z. J. Bowen, Coast Agent, Portland, Ore.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-29
IT Ga. s5s,T,s,s 4 s,isss Eos PENSION

Hi BIcKF0RD, Washington, D. c., they will re-
III ceive quick replies. B. 9TH N. H. Vols. STAFF
Goth Corps. Prosecuting claims since 1875
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12

VVANTED-Widow OF experience desires
w position as housekeeper for widower, or
small family without children; used TO the care
OF an Invalid or eonyalescent; best preferences.
Address o. E., Box T3s, City. 81
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12
GORHAM.

Following is the programme at the
GorhamGrsnge Saturday evening, Feb. 10;
Victoria. Music, grange choir. Leaders
In England during the reign, Mr.. W. j..
Cortneil. Famous Queens, Mrs. X. U.
johnson, Solo. Miss Andrews. Victoria
as daughter, wife and mother, Mrs. Har-
low. Homes Of the Queen, Hattie Har'
mon. Union Jack, Miss Merrill. Solo,
Mics Houghton. Incidents, W. p. +.
Robbie, Charles Chaffin. Mrs. Henry john
son, Mrs W. i. Bickford. Extract from
letter written by J. b. Heating, Mrs. b.
W, Bickford Edwards In England, Miss
Fi,kett. Music, grange ohoir. Every
member OF the grange is reques ted to be
present Saturday evening, February 49,
1t being generally understood the Rsv.
James G. Gregory would preach his first
sermon Sunday morning there was q
very large attendance filling nearly all OF
the pews of the floor of the house. The
interesting exercises were very similar to
other occasions. Mr.. Gregory made
earnest extern pcraneous remarks upon the
Importance OF the sabbath school ana ex'
pre- ssed the wish that all the members OF
the church and congregation would at
tend the exercises OF that important In
terest. He took for his text Genesis first
chapter, eth verse. $50 God created man
in his own image. 4" In the image OF God,
created he him. His discourse was
scholarly and interesting. In the several
vacations In the worlds work and IN
49, O.. fnrau hta dacetnv and tha ohiarf
OF his creation, one should do his utm ost
to carry out the will of his divine master.
The new organist, Miss Morrison OF
Portland, filled her place well. and the
choir with It's new addition rendered very
satisfactory music.
Sunday morning at the School street
Nj. Il. church, Rev, Mir. Cashmere de-
hvered most Instructive sermon before
a large audience, on the Observance OF
Sunday, a topic given by the Civic
League, with the desire that pastors
should use this subject as the basis OF re-
marks.
MIR. Warren Jefferds of the Argus, &C
oompanied by Mrs. Jefferds, were tbs
guests Sunday of Mr. and Mrs. JOSEPH
Word en-, water stre5t,
Inc young psople of Gorham and vicin
ty will hold social and dance this eve
ming at Cryst Spring hall, under thu
direction OF MIR. and Mrs Bion W. BIck
ford.
Mrs Nelson Nswcomb and daughter
Mrs Hamilton, have been visiting friends
at North Gorham,
Mrs f. Il. Bickford of Portsmouth haI
been the guest of Mrs. Ida b. RedIon,
state street.
Mrs. Lillian Andrews Of Augusta, hal
been the guest of Miss Maude S.Andrewi
OF the Normal school faculty.
Rev. Mr.. Gregory left yesterday for hi
home, Bingham. Me, for few days
Cyrus Taylor OF Boston Is visiting Mr.
| and Mrs. Vim. ii. Lombard.
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12

nor SALE CHEAP-TwO seated second
~ hand sleigh, In good condition. ". r.
DOIEN, % Ocean avenue, WOOdfords. t21
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12

from Atwood and Benefits store 10 the
residence OF Mr.. q. 4 Chandler.
All Kinds OF numbering has been 81 q
standstill for a week past, and not only
that branch Of busi ness, but nearly every
other kind Of work has suffered on ac-
count OF the storm.
mir. N. W. Winter was on the slick list
for few days, last week, but is better,
80 that he Is out again
The public schools OF this town VIII
close ON Friday Of this week.
PowNAL.
Pownal, February 1.-THE blockade
caused by tins fail OF snow In the storm OF
Thursday, February auth. was not broEen
here until Sunday evening. February
10Th. Reference being made 20 the main
road from Yarmouth through to PownAi
Center. The last regular mail resolved
was on Tuesday, the stage driver NOS Dc
ing able to act through until saturday
In many PLACES the main road Is not
opened up 70 travel yet, temporary roads
being made through fields. business is
ct q standstill and IL is a season OF TIL
year when there 10 much teaming co be
done.
The youngest child of Mr.. and Mrs
Hanson Stubs has been very III for the
past week. Dr. kenniston Of Yarmouth
Ia the attendant physician and at last 40
counts the child was improving.
Inc report caused by the explosion OF
the powder mills at 0orham was very
plainly heard here, even through closed
doors and outer windows. 1hs smoke
was also visible In the distance for sever
al hours.
Miss Gsrtie Tobey who has been stop
ping with her cousin, Mira Alowd Cas-
well for the past week, left on Sunday Tor
Boston where she has secured Work.
MIR. Will Fogg who has bsen in the em-
ploy of MIR. weloh of Yarmouth for the
psst year has returned 20 Mr.. A. ID.
Sweetsir and resumed work there.
Mrs. Ray Sturtevant and daughter have
Joined MIR. Sturtevant In Boston and are
to commence housekeeping there.
The school entertainment recently
given by Miss Ella Hodsdon and her
pupils for the benefit Of the school at
PownAl Center was very SUCCESSFUL.
About ten dollars was secured.
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12

MoLER'S BARBER SCHOOL, New York
wi City More students wanted; eight weeks
completes new SYSTEM positions guaranteed
when through; can earn scholarship, board and
transportation; Illustrated catalogues nee.
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12

Upper Gloucester, February 1.-Dur-
ing the past week we have had about the
worst snow storm and following 1t the
worst blow that has been known for a
very long time. This roads are very badly
drifted, and some OF them are very near
~ impossible. 1t was impossible to keep
a road open for travel as 1t would blow
In as fast as q crew OF men could shovel
1t out. The mall team from North hay
mond to this place has not lost . trip but
1t has some hard snow drifts to climb
over or get round on some parts or the
route.
There were about twenty men engaged
in shovelling snow on one road in this
town on Saturday last. 1t was the
Gloucester Hill re"d socalled.
We are very eh pleased to hear that
Mr.. Fred ThAyel, who has been very sics
is on the mending hand. We hops that
he may be out again soon.
Colds ars very prevalent in this vicinity
but no serious results have been reported
more than to keep some people In the
house for q few days.
MIR Sewall Martin and wife, and
daughter are on this sick list, but We hope
TO be able TO say that they are much bet
ter very soon.
The centrahofiice OF the local telephone
company In this town has been moved
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12
MOI IN ne on,.ians.

"Has your wife much social ambitionf''
"SociaI ambitionl When she read about
Lady Curzon's elephant party in India.
she said II she knew where she could
rent some whales she'd give a whale par
ty."-Detroit Free Press.
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12
DR. cATON,SWTAEIZERS
BLOOD POISON and SKIN DISEASES.
For Women.

DR.. Tolman's Monthly Regulator has brought
happiness to hundreds of anxious women.
There is positively no other remedy known
TO medical science, that viii so quickly and
safely do the work. Have neverhad single
failure The longestand most obstinate eases
are relieved IN days without fail. No other
remedy will do this. No pain, no danger, no
interference with work. The most difficult
cases successfully treated through CORES
pondence. and the most complete satisfaction
Ruaranteedin every instance. l relieve hun
dreds of ladies whom never see. Write for
further particulars. All letters truthfuliy
answered. Free confidential advice in all
matters Of c private or delicatenature Bear
in mind this remedy is absolutely safe under
every possible condition and viii positively
leave no after i'll effects upon the health. By
mail securely sealed, 500. DIR. j., NJ. TOL-
MAN CO., i70 fremont ST., Boston, Mass.
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12
What Shall We Have for Dessert 2

This question arises in he family every
day. Let us answer it today. Try Jell-o,
a delicious and healthful dessert. Pre-
pared in two minutes. No boiling! no
baking! simply add boiling water and
set to cool. Flavors:- Lemon. Orange,
Raspberry and Strawberry. Get pack.
age az your grocers today. 10 cts.
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12
Lcopyriehl. leo. By 9. D. Levla.l


Icopyishs, 1900. by @. b. Lewis1
"what want to speak to 20 about dis
eavenin." said the president Of the Lime
kiln club after the regular business Of the
meeting had been disposed OF, 'am In re-
gard to cake walks. Fze bin informed
dat sartin members of dis club hey got to-
gedder an planned out a cake walk fur
every Saturday night doorin dc winter.
an ! want II known right we're an now
dat I'm opposed TO de idea. I'm opposed
to II on gineral grounds an not bekase
I'm down on amusements. / dunno VINO
invented de cake walk, but | reckon II
was q white man who wanted to make
fules OF all de niggers, men an women
alike. Hevin heard heap about SIGH en-
tertainments an nebber hevin tended
one, l went to Watermillyon hall de Cd
der eayenin as an onlooker.
what was de fust spectacle dat greet.
ed my eyes? Heaps an heaps OF Sulrd
folks all dressed in DER Sunday clothes
an bowin an GRIMM like SO many mon
keys. Oar wasn't 'nuff dignity in all dat
crowd 10 Jump a cat ober de alley fence.
One of dc fust pussons my eyes lighted
ON was our Pickles Smith. He dun come
TO me de day befo' dat cake walk to borry
So TO git shoes fur his chiren, but he had
used de money TO buy a yaller necktie an
a dmun pin 10 show him of. While his
ole wife was at de washtub an groanin
wild de back ache an his chifen couldn't
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12
The Lunch Counter stoop,

az am not surprised the do ors have
discovered that the lunch counter habit
has brought in a peculiar hump on the
shoulders"
well, what more does it show than
that where men are bent on eating they
incline to eatT-Philadelphia Times.
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12
Nothing of the Kind.

"Why, that's genuine Raphaelr' said
the caller, surprised and delighted.
Not at ALL" replied Mrs. Gaswell,
with cold distinctness. my husband
never engages in rafiles. He bought that
picture in the regular way and paid cash
for it."-Chicago Tribune.
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12
rru., .ho.r vino h.r. trlea.

suffered from catarrh ofthe worst kind and
never hoped for cure, but Ely's Cream Balm
seems to do even that Oscar ostrom. 45 Warren
Ave, Chicago. III.
suffered from catarrh; II got so bad could
not work used Ely's Cream Balm and am
entirely well. A. c. Clarke, 34i snawmut Az,
Boston, Mass.
The Balm does not irritate or cause sneezinE.
Sold by druggists at 20 cts. or mailed by Ely
Brothers, 56 Warren ST.. New York.
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12
One Way TO Tell,

Henderson (who has just bought new
pipe)-Can you tell me, professor, II this
amber is genuine?
Professor-Oh, that's easily to be de-
termined. Soak 1t in alcohol for "A hours.
If 1t is genuine, it will then have disap-
peared.-Glasgow Evening Times.
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12
WIT AND WISDOM.


'sWhat's the matter with our cherished
infantT' inquired Mr.. Blykins as a series
Of prolonged yells reached bis ears.
"Why. he's lost his temper. and he's
standing IN bed clutehing the footrail Of
the brass bedstead with both hands and
shouting ut the top OF his voice"
LET him alone. He'll be great polit.
teal orntor one OF these days. He thinks
he's on the rear platform Of a train. =
Washington Stay.
The Portland daily press., 1901-02-12

Little Hortense (proudly)-My aunt has
Rrmorial bearings.
Little Robert-Pooh! don't care. My
uncle In the country has a chicken with
three legs.-Nuggets.