davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
Behind
The

about after each frantic tug at a glued
ON shoe One took down every wound
ing. malicious word. A second caurht
ana preserved every defamatory WORD.
while the third-the busiest one-se-
cured every profane word that fell
from his enraged lips. Finally. he
poured the contents of the alcohol bot
tie into his shoes and swearing like a
mailman waited for the gum to soften
And the manager. who was not deaf
proved that his heart was harder than
the best gum and could not be softened
at all To this day no member of the
company knows how much of the vic
TINS salary was left to him that week
after forfeitS for bad words were all
paid up. But some good came from
the affair. for the actor was never
again so late in arriving as not to have
time to look into his shoes for. any
strange substance possibly lurking
there.
Personally I detest the practical joke,
but 1 have, alas. never been above en-
Joying my share of the green-room
fun. Some members of Mr. Days
company were very stately and dig
nified. and he would have been glad
had we all been like them. but there
were others who would have had fun
with the tOmbs of the Egyptian kings,
and who could wiring smiles from a
craven image Mr.. DAILY levied fines
at last so recklessly that either the
brakes had to be put upon our fun or
someone would have to do picket duty
The restless element had a wait of
an entire long act in one play, and
among those who waited was a tiny.
little bit of an old. old man. He wore
rags in his part" and on the seat of
his trousers was an enormous red
patch He had been asked to stand
guard in the green-rOom door, and
nothing loatb, he only argued depre-
You'll all get caught, I'm
afraid! You see. Mr.. Days so sharp
If 1 cough. he'll hear me. toO-and will /
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08

derful-there is more ito them''-than
reason. They are creative forces. Rea-
son is the calm and cold blooded expert
who studied their strange antics. and
turns a little brass handle to shut down
their athletic energies as they approach
danger point
Reason is eritic-a very valuable
critic; but d great passion IS more i'm
portant-just as a splendid piece of
acting is more important even that a
dramatic critic. A great passion must
always be Isspected-though it may be
necessary to iraprison it as we'll
Now jealousy is a passion that, Of ne
cessity. often goes to prison. 1t goes
too, TO the nadhouse and the gailows;
and If society is 10 go on holding to-
gether. it must ! fear. continue to visit
this strange passion with the EXTREMIST
vigOrs of the law.
And yet, you and l who are not jeal-
Gus, let us strive TO comprehend lit
tie Of this most terrible of all the ideal
isms.
Let us first make sure what we mean
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08

Could there be anything more unrea-
sonable than TO desire the applause OF a
.SonS~5 lporary multitude for which you
nae othlng ut contempt. or to dream
Of livine on the Fps of future fools?
Money,
As q commodity, money is the most
sensible Of all human aspirations. but
as passion it is surely as unaccount-
able - the reason as any other pas
Sloh- .or there soon comes a time when
money ceases to buy. and. when il has
tost Its power 10 buy--of what further
use IS IL so says the reasonable critic
BY the miser knows better,
one might name other passions. One
might wonder why men should be
round to drink whisky when there is
good ginger ale in the world: or WHY
men should risk their lives in seeking
the north, and particularly the south
Pole-and other kindred passions.
Suince II 70 suggest that all passions
by their very nature are unreasonable.
Dare we tel each other why2
Because they are greater, more Won
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
The United RebUke
to the ExCUrSiOniSt

A TRAVELLER at a rag-weed juno
~ tion moved up to the Lunch Coun-
ter and negotiated for the Sand
witch of Commerce, sometimes known as
the Boxing Glove. Then he opened il
cautiously to see if there was prize IN
every Package. He found that he had
drawn a microscope hunk OF Ham,
which he missed twice when he tried
to apply the Mustard.
He was of New England Stock, so he
began to Roar.
rs it right to take Real Money for
these masquerade Goods?" he de-
manded. DO you have the immortal
Rind to say that a galvanized Bun and
one little Oasis of Ham are worth ten
cents?"
I'VE have no time in which to discuss
the Menu replied the Proprietor 1.-THE
Train pauses here only three Minutes -
But wouldn't there be a fair Profit
for you. even if you gave a fresh Roll
and nice, thick slice Of Ham?" per-
sisted the Traveller.
Once. just after I got Religion, I
started in to give the Public real Sand o.
wiches, said the Proprietor. Strange
to say, the Customers were Leery and
thought there was something wrong
with the Meat. Many asked me if 1
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
The Third and Last Call
for the Ancient Maiden
PuRLIC omeial reslding At

4 PUBLIC Official residing at a
Marriage License Counter put
- his Head through the Window
and shouted Next
There sidled up a wen-seasoneo Grille
who said she would take a $500 Writ
OF Alta hment which she might use in
gagging and binding a Helpmate.
What Isl the Victims Name2" asked
the Clerk
You can search me-" was the reply.
II wish to goodness L knew. I've been
waiting for him ever since the War.
can't imagine what keeps him.
What good is a License unless you
have your Prey already in the Stock
ade?" asked the Official.
Il want one with a Space left blank
SO that I can use it in a quick Emer-
gency." she replied. Il can't afford to
take Chances. 1t is getting too late ia
the Afternoon. Eighteen Years ago
sent my Hearts Idol out for the Parch-
msnt that would legalize our undying
Love. but he happened to get on
Green Car instead OF Yellow one. He
missed the Court House two miles and
caught Train for Los Angeles. 7 had
to sit up for two Nights picking the
Initials out Of my Trousseau. Another
time ] planted one in a Waiting Room
while I went for the Permit. A Girl
came in to dust the Room and he had
20 move. so 4 haven't seen him since.
Next time I get one in Chancery there
will be immediate DOings. 1 viii sim
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
The Girl Who Could
Compromise in d Pinch

n nee there was a sentimental
" Totty who told the Girl Friend
all about her kind of Man. She
said she would drop the Flag on
all Farmers. If she couldn't get some
one in the Scratch Division she would
do without.
The Man who wins my cardiacal Re
gard must be Tall and Dark, with Raw
en- Hair tossed back from a Brow of
Alabaster Wilderness" she said, as
she reached for another Olive. He must
be Brave, yet Gentle. 1 would have him
Chesterfield as to Manners and as
Bright as Winston Churchill In
Thought and Speech he must be as
pure and unsullied as any Young Lady
in Ocean Grove, N. j. Withal, he is
to be Strong and Manly. He who would
hold down my Rocking Chair must be
a Chivalreus Gentleman, and don't you
forget it."
That evening a Red-Headed Boy
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
The ExpdnSiOHESt Who
Purchased Wisely

once there was a Man who was
L Land-Hungry. He could not get
too many quitclaim Deeds into his
capaciouS Nav. He wanted TO own
all the adjoining Property.
But every time that he dickered and
got a new Tract, mis- frontage was
thereby increased. So the more he
bought, the more he had Adjoining and
the more intense was his desire to
Purchase.
BY the time that he was Well OF,
he had to starve himself in order to
meet the Payments. He staggered along
under II Mortgages and got Nervous
Dyspepsia and walked the Floor at
Night.
When he died, the Preacher said that
he had gone to the Promised Land
The Mourners drew their own Conclu-
sions.
His Daughter married a New Yorker
who surveyed the Estate and found
that he would have room for Golf
Links and a Polo Field
Moral: Be satisfied with all the Land
on two sides of you.
Copyright, 1901 by Robert Howard
RusselL)
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
BIZ Ella Wheeler Wilcox

is not infrequently the chip on the
domestic shoulder which leads to fam
lily quarrels.
The husband is inconsiderate, or the
wife extravaganza, or the sons and
daughters impTOYdent. The husband
doles out a pitiful allowance to the
home, while he expends a liberal for
tune on himself, or the wife contracts
bills which would be suitable for a
lady of fortune, while her husband
earns only the salary of clerk II.
deed, the complications are innumera-
BILE where money proves the bone OF
contention in q home. It is impoSSf BILE
Tor Cupid to keep his abode where such
quarrels are of frequent occurrence.
Cupid likes the benefits and luxuries
and ref1nements which Mammon can
beStOW, but he has a horror OF his VuI-
garities. And what is more vulgar than
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
BIZ Richard lie Caffeine

by Jealousy: Let the handmade def
milton first sweep the ground before our
wisdom walking feet. We often say
Jealousy when we mean a much smaller
and far humber thing; namely. envy.
! So many Of our misconceptions come
OF a similar careless use Of words. Envy
IS no more jealousy than an alderman
Is prince of the blood. We some
times speak Of some one being jealous
OF another's good fortune, of another 5
good looks. of another'S talent: but so
70 speak is to make a misleading use
Of words. We mean "envious'-not
jealous.
A hunchback may envy young god
but he can hardly be Jealous" just
as frog in the marshes may envy a
Nightingale singing to the applause of
the moon. but you cOuldn' with any
good dictionary within hearing-call it
Jealousy So when we speak of jeal-
ousy, let 1t be understood that we are
not speaking of envy-of the common
mean-spirited feeling with which those
to whom nature has given less are too
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
Why family Jars Occur. BIZ

What in another home was the mer-
est urine is a grave and serious mis-
demeanor in their own. Yet thew love
their own families and value their own
homes. i -
In the small occurrences of daily life
wives and mothers are prone to be less
considerate of the feelings of their own
near ones than of strangers who set as
guests at the board.
The careless tone. the unrestrained
temper over a small fault the severe
criticism, the nagging impulse let loose
are for the members of the household
not for the stranger within the gates
stu. If the need came these women
would die for their families.
But to live the highest ideal Of agree
able womanhood - them proves too
serious strain.
That beginning of all trouble-money
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08

apt TO regard those to whom nature
mas given more Real jealousy is prob
AMY concerned entirely with that other
passion of which it might perhaps be
called the shadow-the passion of love
LoVe-JealOusy in its lowest and too
common form is perhaps little more
than q more dangerous form of envy.
A man, we will say. makes love to a
girl, who entirely declines his advances.
She neither loves. likes nor can even
tolerate him and she has certainly not
giYen him even her little finger Pres
emily she meets another man whom she
not only tOlerates, but likes ana loves,
and becomes engaged to- Now. mys-
FERROUS as it may seem to more logical
natures. the first man, in such case
as this. viii sometimes conceive that
IN her rejection of him and her accept
,ancel of the second man a great wrong
has been done him. which can only be
wiped out--with a revolver
Here is merely a savage, unrestrained
self-pride wounded to madness. and a
naked fury at another's good fortune
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08

dissensions and quarrels over money
matters?
Jealousy, which is the offspring of
selfishness and vanity, is another source
of family fuses.
Cupid sits in the corner for awhile
during these scenes and holds his sides
with laughter. But after the perform
ance becomes continuous he yawns
and slips away-not to return.
Relatives figure largely in family dis
agreements
Mothers in-law. fathers-in-law. hus-
bands sisters, wives brothers. are all
subjects OF contention in many homes.
Although the lover finds them charm
ing before marriage and the sweet
heart is devoted to Jacks folks" the
husband finds them bores and the wife
cannot endure their presence This is
the result of seIfishness and lack of
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08

tact on the part of either the married
couple or their relatives.
The husband should treat his wife's
relatives with the same cOnsfdera zion
ne did as lover, but he should not per
NIT the interference IN his domestic
affairs of either her relatives or his
own. nor should she request him TO.
Once this rule is established by a hus-
band and wife and adhered TO all pos
slbility of family Jars on this Subject
Vanishes.
Much is said today of the disgracefuI
frequency of divorce
Yet a home where family ouarrAls
are Of almost daily occurrence is a
much more disastrous and immoral a T.
mOsphere in which to dwell or to bring
up children than the home where a cy-
cione-of divorce has changed the con
ditiOnS.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08

hasty words, cannot be so readily re-
stored.
1t has always been a source of won
der to me that peopie-the majority %
even the cultured and reffned-treat
their casual aCQuaintances with so
much more courtesy and kindness than
they bestow upon the members of their
own household.
If man is the guest of friend and
hnds no soap on his. washstand or no
matches in fhe smoking room he as
sures ms apoloFetic hostess when she
refers to the subject that IL is of no
consequence. and beSs her not TO give
i second thought. Accidents will oc-
cur.
But If the same accident occurs in
his own home-nine men Of the pro-
family jar
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08

Society can only have one answer to
such manifestations-the gallows or the
lunatic asylum.
1t is. unfortunately. a form Of ieaf-
ousy to which young and beautiful
girls. and young and happy men, par
ticularly among the more primitive
classes. are cruelty exposed: and surely
it is the most cruel and selfish and fool
ish of any passion that can possess the
mind of man or woman-cruel, indeed.
rs the grave.
But there is another and somewhat
more civilized form of jealousy fo,-
which more plausible. il not a better
case can be made. 1t is the jealousy ia
Whlch something was once given and
then taken away The first jealousy
We might call the anarchistic jealousy
Tne second is a jealousy born OF SUP
posed proprietarial rights, and their
supposed infringement
A man or woman, we viii say. have
been something. perhaps a great deal,
TO each other for a certain period. or
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
The Rocky Who Believed
in PrecedeHtS

A COUNTRY Boy rode into Town on
n Load of Oats and stopped to look
at Picture in the Window of the
Beehive Store. It was a colored rep
resentation Of a Hero leading q Charge.
he had a Starry Banner in one hand
and Sword with a TasseI in the other.
The Air was full Of Explosives but the
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08

ALFRED Proud to meet him. He pIucked
the Tail Feathers from t. gullarious
BIRD of Freedom and waved them de-
nahtIy at the Lion and the Unicorn.
He said that the British isles were
merely Break-Water for the Cont
nent and wouldn't make a Patch on the
Land of Liberty.
he was invited to all the Drawing
Rooms because It was a Pleasure to
lean.
Moral; When you are in Rome do as
the Romans expect you to do.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
and shouted Next"


60 ADILY JARS arc missiles
thrown by the devil to de-
- stroy homes.
PandOras box contained no more
mischief than does the family jar.
A lovers quarrel may lead to bet
ter understanding. but the quarrel be
tween husband and wife rarely does.
It may be in the early honeymoon.
before the two really learn TO know
each other as one. but the frequent
repetition OF domestic misunderstood
ings is like the frequent rent in a rare
and costly fabric.
There are lace members. w-Ho repair
lace so IL defies. the casual Observers
detection. but the delicate material Of
marital happiness. II rent often BY
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08

HIS fourth question Is one
that Charles Dickens would
- have called an "agriwator. .
and as it is frequently repeated. I
ask myself. where is the curiosity
about the theatre, it's people
and its life, to end? The ques-
ton is: What social conditions exist
behind the scenes?' Now, to b., unite
frank. the first few times this .oue,,-
appeared 1 was distinctly aggravated
said 20 myself. do these ladies and
gentleme1-yes. three males are in this
inquiring group-do they think we are
a people so apart from all others. that
we require a separate and distinctly
different social COde-that we know
nothing Of the law governing the size.
style and use Of the visiting card-that
congratulations, condolences are nm
known riteS-that invitations, accent
ances and regrets are ancient Hebrew
20 US, and calls, teas, dinners and
dances are exalted functions far above
our comprehension And then l read
the question again and saw was maxi
ing a ninny OF myself-an easy thing
70 do with the thermometer at 99 in
the shade-that il said. behind the
scenes. and with a laugh 1 recalled
the little child who had delightedIy
witnessed her first Christmas Danto-
mime, and, being told afterwards that
was one Of the people in the DIav
she watched and listened eagerly some
tipne before coming and resting a dim
pied hand on mine. to ask oissDDoirted
": Il lease. does all the actin people
nave emselves jes' same as anyone p
Poor. blue-eyed tot. she had expected
at least a few twirls about the room
= rev bounds and hanc kisses, and here
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
Modern fables:

ply say You're On and fash the Dc.cu-
ment. Ard then, II he runs away. he
viii have TO carry a lot of Weight
MORAL: Never put of until tonaor-
row what should have been done early
in the Seventies.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
By George Ade

was not Green at this Business. The
Man who rushed up TO buy two would
reduce his order to one, and then give
me the Laugh. I found that I could
not stand out against Tradition, single
handed. So got back into Line"
MORAL: Order Pie
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08

wearing striped F'lanneIs and smoking
Bulldog Pipe came to the Front
Gate and Whistled. She upset four
Flower Pots in getting to him.
Moral: Nothing ever works out ac-
cording to Specifications.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
Concerning jealousy.

F all human passions. I sup
pose that jealousy is the pas
sion that meets. and has met.
~ with least sympathy.
Nor is IL 20 be wondered at-for jeal-
ousy is at once the most inconvenient.
The most tragic and the most unreason-
able OF human passions.
When. however. We call jealousy un-
reasonable. We must rot forget that all
passions are. by their very nature. un-
reasonable The moment a passion be-
came reasonable it would cease to be a
passion.
Try i by any other passion.
Lovei
Who would call love reasonable?
War;
I have never heard any but the worst
reasons for war
HateI
Who has ever known of hate listening
60 reason
Famei
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-09-08
What Social Conditions Exist 'sa $e ScencsI


What social conditions exist behind
tie scenes?"
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1901-06-18
The Suns fIystery
The Imperial.

The Imperial.
THE SUI is about92, 600, 600 miles
on. The only way of measuring
the distance of a fixed star is bv
parallax, and scarcely more than
half a dozen cen be estimated that
way. Suppose the snn here
Space, on January l. On July he
will be 100000 miles over
there. This is the base of measure
ment. The observer who wants
to estimate the distance Of. say
the star a. Centauri, notes It's po-
sltion with regard to the .next star
In six months he notes again. and
If they are separated by different
distance, a so called parallax is
established, and some calculation
can be made of the nearest one. In
the most favorable cases this paral-
lax is emely slight.
What is the sun made of? The
lines of the spectrum give an idea
Of his chemical properties. but be
You'd that all is of much lighter
material than the earth, but yet
there may be hard aud heavy frey
pudding inside, for there is light
and thick outer coating, named the
atmosphere. Out side this, again,
refining away to an unknown dis
lance, is the chromOsphere, of hot
air, so to speak. The spots are
riffs through the philosophers, com
ing and going, and some are so
large that our whole earth could
be shot right through, with thOn
sand miles to spare all round
When a total eclipse covers the
sun, flames to the height of thou
sands Of miles airs seen out Of the
phOtOSphere. The sun is 100 times
larger than the earth, an easy thing
to say, and Yet our sun is believed
to be rather small one For instance,
SiriuS is at least nine times as
big.
The Brownsville daily herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1897-1910, 1901-06-18
You Want the Best.

Your Physician aims to
put all his knowledge, ex-
perience and skill into the
prescription he writes. 1t is
an order for a combination
Of remedies which your case
requires. He cannot rely on
the result unless the ingre-
dents are pure and reliable
and properly compounded
Be fair to your doctor and
to yourself by bringing your
prescriptions here. They'll
be compounded only by reg
istered pharmacists, who are
aided by the largest stock Of
drugs in this part of the
State, everything of the fin
est quality that money can
buy OF experience select.
dL. PUTEGNAT. Manager
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-04-02

Spain, and if there is people will want
the news right along. The papers will
probably have BOOM"
"Probably they WILL" replied Edward
briefly.
/ That was Saturday night, and, as his
custom had been since entering college,
he went over to the girls hall to see
Freeda. l.. -
When she came into the parlor, she
| noticed Edwards unusually grave face.
He was habitually grave, but not SON.
Der, and Freeda was quick to see the
difference. -, -@ !
"What have you been doing, Ned?
You've been working too hard"
mo; l haven't" Edward hesitated
to tell her the real cause Of his trouble
because he did not want her to know
anything about the real struggle he
was having to meet his expenses. But
Freeda was persistent girl, and Ed
wards old habits Of frankness finally
prevailed, and he told his sister briefly
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-04-02

the first time he had had his own way
at the ladies' hall.
Edward Blake went out across the
campus and started toward his room.
Before he put his foot on the steps of
the building he had gone over the
whole matter of the paper route again.
His sisters evident distress for him
had moved him very deeply. In spite
Of the fact that he had not actually lied
to the proprietor of the paper or to any
one else he knew we'll enough that he
had let Rankin do the lying for him,
which was the same thing. Out there
in the dark he fought the battle out,
going over on the steps Of the chapel
opposite Rankin hall. AS he sat there
he was not able to think of any one in
the whole college who could give him
any help to settle the question. He
was not a professed Christian, al
though he always had respect for reli-
gious life and had attended the college
prayer meetings and association gath