Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-03-16
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

The wives Of the Sultan of Turkey are
said TO be in mortal fear of him. Alb
dul always was a 'harem-scar 'em sort of
felow.-Kansas City Star.
Doctor-"Why have you deducted a
quarter from my bill ~ Patient-"That
is for the six cigars you broke when you
thumped my chest"-Philadelph Rec
ord
A Sure Sign-"I am certain that Min
ME intends to marry Frank" What
makes you so certain % Il heard her
scolding him for sending her such valu-
able presents. Harlem Life.
"Advertisin' is one err de fus' laws O.
nature" said Uncle Eben. "A hens
business is layin' aigs, an ev'y time she
completes a transaction she stahts right
in to cackle. Washington Star.
Changed Plans.-Miss Gabbeigh-"As
penance during Lent | am not going to
gossip" Mrs. Sezzit-"Oh. that's too
bad intended TO come and listen to YOU
as my penance. baltimore American.
Said Isabelle: $50 you have broke with
Hes 50 slangy, you see, twas disgusting
And the first chance I got I Just shook
him. Philadelphia Press.
She pining for pleasant words)-"Uh,
George, | cannot understand it. Why do
You lavish tits wealth of love on me
Il when. there are so many girls more beau
tfJ and more worthy than ~
Helm bowed if | now."-Tit-
Il Bits
4 His Reason-Miss Romano Which do
you like best, Mr.. Hardhead. long poems
or short ones?" Mr.. Hardhead-"Th
long ones" Miss Romanz-" Really"
Mr.. Hardhead-"Yes. They don't run
50 much chance of being published -
Overheard in a Scotch Hotel-Traveler
seating himself at the breakfast table,
We'll, waiter, what's for breakfast?'
Waiter (cheerfulyl- Calves brains
Sir fried liver deviled kidneys"
.Iraveler-"Oh. hang your complaints
Give me the menun'-Glasgow Times.
Mrs Newwife-"I feel sure that AL
ired will bring me lovely present from
the city today
Miss Confidante-"An anniversary or
birthday. dearF'
mad such dreadful quarrel this morn
ing- '-Tt-Bits.
i Jersey farmer visiting New York
stood looking at a sign in a bookstore
i window: Dickens Works All This
Week For Two Dollars" wal" he re-
marked, my pinion is that that Dickens
teler Is either a nightly poor workman
Or else he's confounded hard up for
jon. boston Courier.
Mr.. Meddergrass-"H Slocum an Bill
hScorn amt speaking now"
MS MeddergrasS-"D tell. What's
Mr.. Meddergrass-'H claims his
u I,I mometer averages 10 degrees lower n
Dill $ IN winter an 10 degrees higher in
sumner Baltimore American.
She think that doctor is just as
mean as he can ber'
he-"What's he done?'
accnated me on the right arm, and
can use it at ALL"
- might be worse"
can see how"
lie might have vaccinated YOU on the
'asue -EonkerS Statesman.
4 'isitor-"Why. that's the fourth time
,. I'VE sharpened that scythe this morn
amateur Farmer-''Well, you see this
ws- borrowed grindstone. and it goes
today, and | must fix the
55it 50 1t will stay sharp all SUMMER
hlcago News.
Al, A optmist-"Don't YOU think the re-
e0s j. IN danger| asked one politician
le !. course 1t is" answered the other
F., wash IN danger how could we
j nd eh come forward every election
61; ave Il: And we're going to keep on
ma Hs forward and saving it until the
.,, " ume. Washington Star.
llGur friend Tackey is way off in
5Es'1u now Doesn't that surprise
II does and it doesn't"
4SV!ea[d ne was going there. ehT'
In e.. qiqn know he was in Homo
wa ou' | knew he was way off when
n. ms mere. Philadelphia Record.
e ,rs 49, said young Mrs. Jellus. Il
8 oa-r;-S you ought to know; there's
n r7a ma, man who is violently in love
" 1sty, he cried. Who IS he?'
arm. zen You. viii you give me those
-yass | wantedT"
~ rs. Who is it?''
T n Philadelphia Press.
49,, 9 MT He's in hard luck. He had
iss;,rs ia backing for an army com
al W. Int his name queered him. He
= 'sh ms application A. Cow
9%ga3ge9-.1,'Why did he have to sign it
BIZ Ne Because that's his name"
10, ~ But wouldn't it have been
Town. W ..-Ie his first name in fullf'
1aIs u, hardly. His first names
hiladelphia Press.