Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1901-12-26

Guest-What a splendid dinner!
don't often get as good meal as this.
Little Willie (son of the host)-We
don't, either.-Ex.
Madge-Another of those swindling
beggars. He said he was blind. and
asked for "A penny. beautiful lady.
Roosevelt. l daresay he was blind.
Mrs. Jones-Charles has an uncon-
querable spirit. Mrs. Smith-IndeedY
Mrs. Jones-Yes; he was two hours I'M
locking the front door early this morn
Ing.
To Begin Mt Once. Mamma-Ncver
put or until tomorrow what you can
do to-day. JOhnnie-Well, then. IN eat
the rest Of the pie now Baltimore
World.
Colonel Bragg-l've fought and bled
for my country. sir; I've" Alexan-
der Smart-Yes. but did you ever help
your wife hang res?-Ohio State
Journal.
Mrs. Goldtsein-Ikey. Likely! Felix
has svallered penny. Mr.. Goldstein--
vot great poy. Alretty he wants to
shtart In peezness as a penny-inder-
slot machine.
Miss Holler says she thinks she will
have her voice tried" "Well. II she
does, the verdict will be Guilty Of
murder in the first degree "-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
But surely" urged Barlow. seeing
Is believing" mot necessarily" re-
sponded Dobson; "for instance. see
you every day, but as to believing You
-"-Stray Stories.
Blibson-How was Jones yesterday?
Glibson-H He seemed to be laboring I'M
der strange delusion. Blibson-In-
deed! thought he was playing golf.
Glibson-So did Jones?-Town Topics.
ANY word from my poor husband In
the other world?" asked the widow Of
the medium. Nothing more." replied
the medium, than request for some
ice and palmetto fan."-Atlanta Con.
stitution.
Schoolmaster-New tell me. what
VCAC TIC tAOu6Ato tAuS pASSCu thAOu60
Sir Isaac Newton's mind when the APP
pie fell on his head? Hopeful Pupil
I Expects he was awful glad 1t warn't
a brick.-Tit-Bits.
Men of genius seldom make any
money" remarked the blatitudlnous
person. Really" answered the very
modern man. "As II there were any
showing you are genius except max.
ing money Washington Star.
Sizing Him Up. Shopman-What
style Of hat do you wish. sir? Cholly-
All! am not particular about the style;
something to suit my head. don't ye
know. Shopman-Step this way aud
look at our soft felts.-Tit- Bits.
Miss Tourlste-You have some strong
and rugged types Of manhood out In
this western country. Stage Driver
Yaas. miss. we hev men out here tibet
don't think it's nuthin' t. hold up a
railroad train.--Ohio State Journal.
Mr.. Flushing (hospitably)-So you
have Joined our club. Mr.. Elmhurst
(wearily)-Yes. My wife has got the
uOuSe> cO VII VI NOcCJ COtuCtC 'hSAS
isn't any place where l can sit down
and be comfortable!-Brooklyn Eagle.
1.-THE duke" said the European gen.
tleman, "belongs to one Of the most
eminent and influential families Of our
time" "Indeedv responded the Amer
lean millionaire. with interest; "who Ii
his father-in-law?" Washington Star.
He-I know I'm late. but couldn't
help 1t. You see, l was detained a cou-
pie Of hours by an old friend who had
Just got back to town after long al
sence. had to tell him all knew.
She (snappishly)-l don't see why that
should have kept you so long.
Hostess-Are you musician. Mr..
Whooper? Whooper. who Is dying to
give an exhibition Of his powers-Well
-er-yes. l think l can lay claim to
some knowledge Of music. Hostess
I'm delighted to hear It. My daughter
Is going to play. and should be so
glad II you would turn the music for
her.
Partick-It's poor advice we've been
givin' me. DidH't ye say tn best tonne
to ask a mon favor was after dinnerY
Bifkins-I certainly did. "Well. OF whit
to ould Buffers wild tn schmallest
kolnd av a request. and he refused. 1t
was after dinner. too" Are you sure
he had had his dinnerw Faith It's
little OF know about ould Buffers in
gins and outcomin's; but Ord had
Y. Weekly.
Rallying Rapidly: Surgeon (after the
operation)-I am glad to be able to as.
sure you. Mrs. Tyte Phist. that the
danger Is now over and your husband
will recover. We have successfully re-
moved the appendix vermiformis. and
It is of such unique formation that l
shall preserve It for use In my medical
lectures. Mr.. Tyte Phist Opening his
eyes)-You'll allow me something for
It. suppose. doctor?-Chicago Tribune.
children" said the teacher. while
the class In composition,
you should not attempt any flights Of
fancy hut slmnly mo vOilrspivpa and