davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16

Society, in fact, is more deeply indebt-
ed to the vast army of skilled Crooks
for its prosperity than it is to the COM
paratively inactive class termed Suck
ers. Just imagine the panic that
would ensue if all the complicated ma
chinery Of justice were to be thrown
into the scrap heap by reason of the
prolonged inertia of the truly Crooked.
Suppose a state of society devoid Of
drunks, disorderlies, thieves, pick
pockets, forgers, defaulters, etc. What
excuses for living would the police,
the lawyer, the judges, the court Of
ficials, and the pes-keepers then have?
Marry, none, my masters.
Just so. And many of these belong
to the Sucker class, though not all.
Think of the extensive bankruptcy that
would follow from such an impossible
condition Of public and private affairs
Judge Dofunny for instance, could not
pay his corn doctor, much less go to
the races, for lack of salary, superin.
| duced by lack of crime. Ketchum &
| Skinem and Buffer & Grabit, attor
noys, would 60 supperless to bed, and
the Coppers would find themselves
dead broke on post.
Then the tradespeople would begin
to growl as times became harder. And
the saloon would close, the restaurants
would peter out, and eventually even
the jails would crumble. Meantime
| the succulent Susker class, observing
the highly righteous turn that things
were taking, and also noting the les
sening Of revenues formerly deriyable
| from rentals for questionable resorts
and from supplies 10 the crooked fra.
terRity and frail sisterhood, would
from thrifty business motives feel
called upon to dismiss their minister's
| discharge their sections and close their
sumptuous sanctuaries, to tighten eX
penses.
Soon the Army Of the Unemployed
would cuenumber all the Busy Bodies
| in sight.
Then philosophers would break into
print and argue that the Crooks ought
to resume operations on their old lines,
so as to make a little bizness" and
thereby keep the Sucker element from
overcrovding the Poor House. From
which it might appear that as matters
stand at present Crookery comes
pretty near to being the keystone in
the social arch, which it might be dan
gerous as well as difficult to remove.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16

were to make an examination Of the
consular service they would find the
biggest lot Of tramps ever in the ser.
vice.
Speaking Of nepotism to a well
known politician the other day, he
said, "Did it ever occur to you that
Mckinley had placed every one of his
relatives in good positions except Alb
ner, the broker" By the way, Abner
was broke when his brother moved
into the White House, but now he is
fat and flourishing. The Spanish War
brought in lots Of business that, with
promises of fat places for office-seekers,
made a lucrative business. But, lust
the same, no one, unless he has an axe
to grind pays the slightest attention
to Abner. They pass him by coldly.
He is simply no good on earth.
If we were to dissect the whole Ad-
ministration we should find leprous
cancers everywhere. We should not
have to confne ourselves to Spaulding,
the Secretary of the Treasury, or Dea-
con Lyman, the Consoler; or Perry
Heath, the fiscal agent. but should find
green pastures in every department.
McKinley's decision comes in the
nick of time, as We shall turn on the
light, which will be so luminous that
his friends will wonder when we get
through if he has really done any
thing good enough to remember.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16
JAMES A. HERNI..

The death of James A. Herne has
removed from the American stage its
most strikingly original figure, its
most picturesque actor.
A typical American broad-minded,
thoughtful, self-reliant and independ-
ent Herne blazed a path for himself
as actor and author that led to virgin
fields of romance. He was not a
dreamer Of the Ibsen cult, albeit he
sought, like Caleb Plummer, the toy
maker, "to come as nigh to natur as
he could for sixpence."
Three plays will carry his name to
remote posterity- Hearts Of Oak" ;"
Shore Acres and Sag Harbor.' In
them are sounded the depths Of
poetic devotion and the SUBMITS Of he
role sacrifice. Their pastoral simpli-
city, their homely atmosphere, and
their apt imagery of quaint rustic life
are yividly refreshing and distinctly
inviting to a palled public taste. Much
can and will be written of Herne as a
man, as an actor, as a philosopher,
poet and dramatist Sometimes he was
at variance with both the public and
his critics, as in the case Of Agnes
Fleming" and OF "The Rev. Griffith
Davenport" both admirable efforts in
their peculiar way, but not quite to
the liking of miscellaneous seekers Of
diversion.
Herne's greatest attributes were
honesty and sincerity. He was as
frank and unaffected in his opinions
and he possessed a large stock Of them,
some quite originals he was in his
personality.
The public learned to like him as
an actor long before accepting him as
a playwright, and it will be only just
to wreath with laurel the memory Of
the Artist while paying homage to the
Author of the best contributions to the
American stage,
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16
THE WOMEN ARE ALL RIGHT
If the DiSreputable Male Element
Brought to Time.

Washington, d. c., June IL, 1901.
EDITOR OF THE GLOBE:
| am pleased to know that there is
one fearless man in this city, that fears
not the disreputable men and women
in the Government service, and wish
you Godspeed in Kidding the Depart
ments Of these hard characters. The
I statements yoH have made in regard
to this ofice-ofiice of the Auditor for
the War Department--does not half
tell the tale. The contemplate, odious
chief, whom you told about, seems to
have gotten inVo greater favor with
the Auditor since you showed his dead.
beat and infamous acts. He has just
returned from a trip, which is sadd
to have been paid for by the Govern
ment. For over thirty years this man
has drawn a big salary and been the
companion in and out Of office Of every
light-charaGtered female in his divis-
ion. He is general bor 30 days,
most Of which was in the hospital. he
never smelt gnpowder. He was the
right hand man of the late Auditor
Norris, and it was the sincere hope Of
the respectable women in the Office
that he would not meet with favor
from Auditor Rittman. l notice that
enc Of the clerks says he has a fat
widow friend. He has two or three.
1t was only short time ago when a
scene occurred in the corridor be-
cause a clepk demanded the return of
money from him and called him prop
eF names, one of the fat widows ran
through the building screaming the
General was being assaulted Isn't
this a pretty state Of affairs to 20 un-
noticed by the officials Of the Treas
ury?
Mr.. Lyman's daughter was employ
ed here at the time, and the young man
she married is still here, both Of them
knowing all about it, as everybody was
talking Of the disgraceful scene. Mr..
LymaR's son-in-law gets S1,600 a year,
and he came here after many men who
| only get Yl,2OO.
May the good work go on until ysu
clean this office up.
Another matter YOU ought to look
into. 1t is that Of a man named Good
all. He gets S1,S00 a year, and all his
family are in the Departments. He is
notary public, and charges soldiers
and soldiers widows every time they
swear before him during office hours,
the time he is paid by the Government.
Poor Capt. Mcdonald, when he was
here, would not accept money from
anyone for swearing them, as he said
the Government paid him for the time,
and he did not think it was honest to
take the Governments time and
money, tso, from the people; but Good
all does.
Keep up the good work, and every
reputable man and good woman here
will be delighted.
A RESPECTABLE WOMAN CLnRK.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16

served notice on several widows" to
vacate or prove character
That Lee W. Funk, the protege and
friend Of ex-Assistant Secretary Van
derlip, will have his peculiar attain
ments recognized by the new Auditor.
Person, and that from this on Funk
will be 1T in the Indian Division OF
the Treasury?
That Secretary Gage would serve the
interests Of his Department by decap-
itadng the official heads Of a few Of
the old-time servers around his Office,
among them being Lyman ct al?
That Comptroller Tracewell is about
to ask, for curiosity's sake, for the di-
plomas Of a few of his "laW clerks"
as their decisions are not indicative Of
a familiarity with Coke or Blackstone?
That it would not be amiss for the
Commissioner of Patents TO inquire
into the relationship existing between
a newly organized patent law firm and
some officials pretty near his office?
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16
THINGS THAT NEVER DE.

The pure, the bright, the beautiful,
That stirred our hearts in youth,
The impulses to wordless prayers,
The dreams of love and truth;
The longings after something lost,
The spirits yearning cry,
The StriviAgs after better homes
These things can never die.
The timid hand stretched forth to aid
a brother in his need,
a kindly word in griefs dark hour
That proves a friend indeed;
The plea for mercy softly breachsd,
When justice threatens high,
The sorrow of a contTite heart
These things shall never die.
The memory Of a clasping hand,
The pressure of kiss,
And all the tritles sweet and frail,
That make up loves first blissS
II, with firm, unchanging faith,
And holy trusts and high,
Those hands have clasped, those lips
have met
These things shall never die.
The cruel and the bitter word,
That wounded as it fell
The chilling want Of sympathy
We feel, but never tell
The lard Tepulse that chills the heart,
Whsse hopes were boundlng high,
In an unfading record kept
These things shall never die.
Let nothing pass, for every hand
Must and some work to do;
Lose not a chance to waken love
BE nrn, and just, and true;
SO shall light that cannot fade
Beam on thee from on high,
And angels voices say to thee
Nese things shall never die.
Charles Dickens.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16
THE CROOK As AN ECONOMIC FAC.
TOR.

Society may be divided into two
classes-Crooks and Suckers. Every
body belongs to one or the other,
whether he knows it or not. Some
few belong to, both-working upon
sort Of Jekyll-Hyde plan.
Whenever a prosperous locking
stranger arrives in Chicago or New
York the general impression is that
"he must be a Crook" and also that
he ia Sucker il he isn't" The
Honest Farmer is myth. If he ever
lived at all. he stuck to the farm and
never Srayed into the glare Of the arc
light.
So the Farmer will have to be clas-
sIded the same as the rest Of US.
The solo sim Of the Crook is to DO
EN- All and Dc En- Good" This is
the primary article of their confes-
sion, and it stands for all time and
al places
The second article in the Crooked
Ritual is that venerable Greek max
in. Heaven helps thoes who help
themselves"
1t can not be denied that the Crooks
live up TO their ideals more success
fully than the Suckers do to theirs.
Why?
Because the profits are surer and the
rstsrnE sucker.
TIN SucAr has to wait for dividends
On his ihvestmant.
The Crook works strictly on the c.
| o. D. basis, consequently he has 30 out
soeRdins accounts TO worry him,
The Crook holds tnst there never
was sEd never will be a Tomorrow.
To-day and Yesterday are the only
days With which he is familiar
The Sucker bank, on hopes and eI
poctatlcAs, for which the Crsok has
no use.
The average Sucker is afraid Of the
police, The average Crook isn't, On
the contrary, he knsws that the whole
police systGm depends upon him and
his pals for support Exterminate the
| Crooks and the Copper would lose his
iob Sou muA have Crooks If you
want police. Also courts and jadges,
and lawyers, and iailers and iails.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16
.srRENuors IouRNALIsM.,, >,

Honotonous and mediocre journalism
OF the sleepy summertime in our Cap
itol city has been aroused from its dull
lsthargy by some strenuous examples Of
yirility in recent weeks, in the advent
Of the Sunday Globe. Its promoter and
editor is w. J. Rlliott, whilom Of the
Columbus co. field Of red-hot journal
isr. The Globe Is establishing on a
lid-lifting basis, with a mission, large,
muscular, and defiant. 1t has shown
the true journalistic quality-sbility to
grow libel suits to order. Editor FL
lott stirred up the Office Of the An
ditor for the Postoface Department and
won a libel suit. He says the male ac-
cused and exposed slipped behind a To-
male, pushing her forward to bring a
criminal libel suit II is a fimsy af-
fair at best but the police court sent
the ease to the grand jury. Elliott dis
likes Assistant District Attorney Mul-
lownoy, and portrays the business end
Of that court.-Washington Chronicle.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16
HONESTY Is THE BEST POLICY.

HONESTY Is THE BEST POLICY.
1t is all very well and proper to
promulgate rules by the heads of De-
partments, touching the collection Of
the indebtedness Of their clerks, and
the method Of collecting the same, but
these rules or regulations should never
be construed to defeat the collection
of an honest Indebtedness to any citi-
zen who reposes confidence sufficient
in a Government employe to trust him
with eithg goods or the loan Of
money.
We know for a fact that = Depart
ment employe, with dishonest inten-
tions can i've outside and above his
salary at other peoples expense, When
complaint is made to the heads of De-
partments regarding affairs Of this
kind, the party complaining is usually
STAYED, or bluffed away, by being re-
/ ferred to Cages Treasury Mandate,
which reads to the effect: "That no
] tIdAluE u5aAuNl Gil HAbg CO ulO ANAOS-
nized, save those incurred for grocer.
/ les, dry goods, family neeessaries, etc" ."
4 Whom = tradesman sells goods at a
| fair profit he can, according to this
/ one.sided protective rule, obtain both
/ the principal which he invested and
I also a fair amount Of interest. When
a person happens to be so unfortunate
however, as to lend any Departmental
gentleman a roll Of Uncle Sans green
backs, we'll, he or she, soldiers widow,
or anybody eLse's widow, or individual,
young or old, or corporation, or body,
or anything else, so good money is
loaned, may go to Hades and whistle,
complain, or starye If Judgment is
obtained and brought before a head, or
chief or sub-chief OF a Department,
the money-borBower, especially if he
has pull, can plead present inability
lowing to hard luck, family expenses,
trunped-us tales Of woe, etc., and
avoid settlement for the time, and
eventually for ever. We are not in
sympathy with usurious rates Of in
terest being charged Government
clerks or anybody else. We do most
earnestly advocate, however, the pay
ment of the principal obtained; and
the payment of the same at stattd pc
riods, and a decent amount at each
payment. By following this line, we
avoid the dishonest employees excuse
of trying to avoid any settlement
whatever on the plea that high rates
of interest have been charged. Also,
the dribbling evil, /. e., payment of
dollar or two now and fifty cents at
another time etc. This latter method
is usually worked with the intention
of paying as little as possible, and f.
nally escaping payment altogether. We
earnestly believe that the only way to
entirely put a stop to the money-bor-
rowing evil (alOng with the endorse
ment same) is to have Congress pass
law to the effect that a Department
employees salary can be attached when
the said employe fails to come forward
and settle within a reasonable time
after making a loan.
The honest, manly and decent Gov
ernmsnt employe-who is nineteen
twentieths Of the whole-is scandal
lied and humiliatsd by the few who
make practice of incurring indebted,
ness they mover intend to liquidate.
Z The conduct Of these few reflects un-
/ Justly on Government employees, the
/ great body Of whom are honest, decent
men, who pay their way and meet
their just obligations like gentlemen.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16

If the effeminate and sanguinary
thing who shoots his mouth of with
vile language in the UniSn Building
will please forget his habitual caution
when on the sidewalk and say, "S-of-
alb" just once, we guarantee him
If he recovers-one years free read
ing Of The Globe. This offer il always
open for acceptance.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16

ing the fruition of plans or the devel.
opment of opposition or criticisms
overcomes her physical strength and
she collapses or falls seriously i'll at
those ever.recurring events. To the
credit of Mr. McKinley's political op-
ponents, this condition Of his domes-
tic affairs excites their profound sym.
pathy and he is rarely assailed when
criticism would have advantageous
party effect.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16

The Globe is taking no "long.shots /"
1t is sure of its ground as an elephant.
The coward dies a thousand times, the
brave man once. Our friends are re.
quested to avoid Mysteries and jim
jams.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16
commentator .
DBAE RDIToR;
Washington, d. C.

washington, ~, 4.
OMAR RDIToR;
Let the good work go on; grRndly,
nobly, chserfully on.
Kindly keep your eyes on THE Ru-
raj Free Delivery Dept" Hundreds Of
mea, women and children have been
appointed on what is called Tempo
rary Roll, at SIS per month. They
will soon be put on permanent roll at
that while thousands OF conscientious
clerks are not getting as much, but
haven't the influence to get more. So
much for snivel service
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16
SUNDAY GLOBE PUBLISHING CO.
NOTICE TO ADVERTISERS,

Rates of advertising will be made
known at the Office or 10y The sunday
Globes accredited agent. The sunday
Globe is an exclusive local publication
and will be found valuable medium to
reach the patronage of the Washington
public.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16

Who is running the Adjutant Gen
erals Office in the great Corbin's alb
sence? Now, Walter, be a good boy
and the general may bring you back a
little Filipino Jack-in.the-Box! Keep
Hawkes. out Of the Office, by all means.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16

ernment Printing ONCE knows the
man, and resent but can not help the
insult put upon them by the Public
Printer. The Sunday Globe can, and
though the heavens fall, IT WILL
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16

What a whole week and no arrest
for the criminal libel Of Department
dame! How about this issue, gentle
damsels? Are any of your male friends
hurt2
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16

The prophets have again failed, We
have resigned and the Census is not
roasted" No personal matters go
with as. We are for the public and
general good The Census is all right.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16

BY the way, is not that, Mr.. Palmer,
that Priddy little affair? Where, now, is
Rat Poidy little affair? Where, now, is
Mullowney? Ha! there, Mr.. Prose-
cutor, smoke up
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16
SUBSCRIPTION RATES

Per annum lin advance. ).,.....".".. 500
Single cents
For sale At all the city news stands and
by the newsboys.
The Sunday globe., 1901-06-16

So sorry, Mr.. President, thought
Brother Abner" was suppressed.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1901-07-29
OPENING AND CLOSING OF MAILS

Northern mails, week days, close at 7 sc
and 10 As r. %. and 10, 2 90, so and
z 55 p. u. Open 81 3 90 q. m, IL 90 m
and 4 80 n. 10. GA Sundays Northern naili
close st 30p M. und 20 p. m.
Scntssrn mails vis Charlottesville, close
at 90 and 10 As a. m. and 2 40 and
T55 .. N. Open at 8 90 q. m. and 2 80
and 4:3O p. m.
Southern mails, via Richmond, cloes al
10 As 8. 10. and 2 90 and 90 p. N. Open
at 4 a. n. and 1 and p. m.
Manassas Division mails close ut 2 90 Q. m
and 3 40 p. m. Open at ~ 80 p. m.
Alexandria and Round Hill mails Close nj
2 80 - N. and A p. m. Open at 90 9. m.
Aad 3 30p.m.
Chesapeake and Ohio nails close Of 2 AZ
q m. and 2 So p. m. Open at 8 90 q. m. and
30 p. m.
Washington mails close at so and 10 As
a. m, and Is, 2 90, o 90 and z 55 p. N
Open st = OO a. M, IL 90 m. and 90 p. m.
aud 80 p. m.
Once HOnn-Opsn al 90 a. m. Close 81
9 % p. m
Sunday Houn-0psn NJ 9 90 8. N. Closs
81 8 80 O. M.
inside routes-6 30 and 10 90 3. M. aud
3 90 snd 80 pm. Full ronte-6 80 q. IN
End :sD p. m. Sunday collection b 90 p.
"A. Carriers window open Sunday 8 90 g. n
sHd close 8 80 q. IA.
Dali Series made & 90 a. M, 1 90 p. M, and
4 IL N.
All tsAil should he in Office ten minute.
bsiors ksuy indicstsd 70, closing.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1901-07-29
Altxsaasia 9azstts.
MONDAY EVENING, JULY 2e. 1901.
LITTLE MEN ARE FoRcEFUL.-In

LITTLE MEN ARE FORCEFUL.-In
Congress the little men often attract
the most attention. Within the past
quarter of a century many statesmen OF
Insignificant bodily stature have made
their names known from one end Of the
land to the other. Les than a decade
ago few men were more prominent
than the doughty little democratic
leader, William l.. Wilson, afterward
postmaster general. When the tariff
bill bearing bis name passed the House
he was caught mp and carried on the
shoulders of enthusiastic colleagues,
among them Mr.. William J. Bryan.
His feather weight made this demon
strstiop easy. There ere those 10 Con-
gress who Sill remember the diminu.
tive Alexander Hamilton Stephens, Of
Georgia, whose great intellect made
him one OF the South's greatest men.
Among other big little men may be
noted Admiral Dewey and General
Fred Funston, both Of whom have
made considerable hoise 10 the world.
Then there is ia Little Joe" Wheeler.
United States Treasurer Roberts Is 80
short that when he sits In al ordinary
Office chair his feet do not touch the
floor. The list might be extended In
definitely to prove that towering form
and broad shoulders are not essential
to success.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1901-07-29
VIReINIA POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE

XIIRGINIA POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE
Y (sta,e tgrcultuIsl and Mechanical Col
lege) at B aeksbuIg. w., A SOUTHERN IN.
sTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY. Thirty iE-
structors. Thoroughly equipped Shops. la.
boratories, and IDfrmaiy. Farm of -Four
Hundred Acres. Steam heating and electric
lights in Doimitories Degree courses in Az
riculture, Horticulture, Civil, Mechanical and
Electrical Engineering. Applied Chemistry
snd General Science. Shorter courses in
p acticsl Agriculture and Practical Mechanics.
7. al C, t of session OF nine months. including
q ION and other fees, board, wa.bipg. text
DO, 3. medical attendance. etc, sbout 1896.
Cot 10 State StnGeIts shout $50 Next
ssion begins sEPTFM9ER Il, 1901. For
cstslogue and o or information apply 10
J. NJ McBRYDE, Ph. D., LII. d., Presid1ni.
jyS colin
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1901-07-29
AND VIRGINIA ADVERTISER
TELEPHONE EXCHANGES

16 Wattles, CIV
1874 Wesdon Bros, sgerts
1873 Weidtrmsn. Jos
140 We'll Bros
AZ western Union Telegraph COMPANY
S9s White. Wythe
SO Wheatley B
1055s Williamson, N L
147s Winston. w II
1889 Wise, Mrs Peter
FOB Wool, Mrs IA
l043s Woolls. WP
Is Zimmerman, J 3, residence
77s Zimmerman. J E. Office
Anandale, Va. w.. J Malone.
Fairfax Court House, Va James Adams.
Centreville, Va, b. c. Utterbaeh
FaIl' Church, Va.
Manassas, Va, Shaunon's drug store.
wellington, G. q. Leachman.
Haymsrket, Va, Chas. b Wilson.
Wayerly, Va. L II. Janney
Maple Grove, Va DIR Cbas ii. Janney.
For rates apply TO Central Office.
PAY STATIONS
90s Central Office
1859 Fleischmann Hotel
l03s Market House
sIndicates Metallic Circuit and Long Dis
lance Transmitter.