Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1901-01-22
COURTESY AND GOOD MANNERS
IN THE HOME.

The A B c Of good manners demands
that in addressing one in fault we soften
the asperity of criticism, but "home
truths" are spoken with frankness
peculiarly exasperating.
Alteration about trifles Is fruitful
source of friction, and stock subjects OF
disputation beget chronic "touchi-
ness" One seldom cOnvinces by excited
and voluble argument, and when sus-
picion of temper appears-good-bye to
success. Politeness compels concilia-
tory msnner-an open-minded hospital
ity to the views of others-which will
be most effective If the object be to influ-
ence, rather than to vent our irritation.
Some people keep advice for gratuitous
distribution, and give 1t at such length
and with such energy that all free agency
seems lost to the one addressed. A we'll
bred reticence should be exercised both
in asking questions and offering advice,
respecting every ones natural desire for
independent thought and action. The
elders are apt to dogmatize, expecting
their views to be accepted without ques-
ton, forgetting that their correctness is
not so evident to those whose minds have
not passed through the same processes.
Ore thing good form imperatively de-
mands-that by no mischance, no loss OF
self-control, shall family discords be re-
vealed to strangers, children or servants.
II there be friction that may develop into
skirmish, let it be deferred, at any
cost, and resumed, If need be behind
closed doors.
An uncontrolled voice is always un-
msnnerly and undigni1ed.
Some persons always wish to share
their small ailments and require an au-
dience for their sufferings. A French
woman once exclaimed with comic
pathos: "Talk of the patience of the late
Monsieur Job! Any woman whose hus-
band has had a cold In his head is en-
titled to like reputation"
A readiness to give up in little things
is the most tactful appeal possible for a
return of courtesy at other times when
the matter may be Of Importance to US.
1t Is a high attainment in politeness to
allow others to be mistaken. Let q
trifling misstatement pass unnOticed
where no principle Is involved, and
when mistake Is past remedy 1t Is best
to let the subject drop. The argument
Of the ~ told you so" character is al
ways quite superfluous.
OF course no delicate nor honorable
person opens another's letters. Even
the youngest children In the household
should have the great pleasure Of open
ing the letters addressed to them, and so
be trained into q recognition Of the
sacred and inviolable nature Of personal
correspondence.
Practical jokes are rarely INDUCED in
by persons Of nice perceptions, and
teasing passes the bounds Of good taste
when 1t ceases to be q pure matter Of
fun on all sides.
Inquisitiveness Is always bad form.
"Whom Is your letter from?" "What
makes your eyes so red?" are interior
ences with ones rightful privacy.
A closed door should be respected and
give assurance Of seclusion.
The rough proverb, "Wash your
dirty linen at home," carries valuable
truth. One who Is so disloyal as to re-
peat to any outsider, however intimate,
anything to the discredit of the family
deserves to forfeit all family rights and
privileges.
And here let me enter protest against
making ones family matters newspaper
property. There are no terms strong
enough to condemn the vanity of par
ents who win allow daughters charms,
prospects and advantages to be adver-
tised In the public prints In this press
ridden country.
Society requires that, whatever their
private relations, husband and wife face
the world as q unit, harmonious and with
interests identical. Never, under any
circumstances, should they discuss the
peculiarities of one another In the pres
ence Of third person.
Personalities that are made to do duty
as family jokes are never funny to the
stranger.
All public display ofsffection between
husband and wife Is In equally poor
taste and Is always regarded with sus-
picion.
Their behavior toward each other sets
an example that will In all probability
influence the households Of which the
children eventually will be the heads
Mrs. Burton Kingsland In The Ladies'
Home Journal.