Sunday morning globe., 1901-08-25


here | am, the greatest parer of pen
slons and the most determined enemy
Of old soldiers who served at the front,
this Office ever had the honor to be
bossed by. The Sunday Globe doesn't
know 1t all. II It did and published
the matter, l would probably have to
have the office guarded by militia"
On the same page Of the D. N. ap-
pears a neatly condensed editorial Of
Colonel Crook, of the White House, the
confidential adviser of bill" and in
cidentally the stepfather Of Mr.. Prid-
dy, one Of Commissioner Evans clerks.
Colonel Crooks is a modest man. lie
says:
81 called up to see the Department
News, and ] scarcely looked for such
profound respect as you have shown
me. am, OF course, conscious Of the
honor / confer on youi shack of an Of
fice, but l am not proud, although
have held down position at the White
House and advised every President
from Lincoln to Mckinley. Now,
like Mckinley better than any Of his
predecessors, and l liked his predeces.
sors better in their several turns as
they came and went. l have placed
whole families Of relatives in Office,
and Notwithstanding the exposure by
the Sunday Globe, 1 landed my step
son in the Pension Office recently. You
know, Priddy gentlemen. He is a
most deserving young man, and me and
the President and Clay-Eyans, you
know, will stick to him. Put my name
down for two quarts Of Oil, one for
Priddy and the other for myself l
will recommend your paper to the Pres
ident."
On the fourth page Edward B. Moore
modestly contents himself with a
single column half-tone; and in 26 6lines
Of autobiography tells the simple an
nails of his honorable career. He says:
81 have only been 10 years in the
Patent Office, and weathered the polit-
lcal changes hands down. They can't
lose me- Shepard came between the
wind and my nobility. See what did
with him. I'm from Grand Rapids
but never saw anything too rapid for
me. Look at my hair in the cut;
wouldn't 1t Jar you? When l was a
page in the Senate made up my mind
to be Commissioner Of Patents.
haven't reached yet, but I'm next door,
and Allen had better look out. Give
me a small bottle Of Oil. The Sunday
Globe hasn't cut me up very deep yet,
but If it catches on to my curves you
viii hear from me in a larger order"
Hon. William A. Rodenberg, the re-
Gently appointed snivel service Com
missioner, has a double column half
tone and a brief biographical sketch.
Mr.. Rodenberg took a small bottle
also in anticipation of a roast" as he
says hiESself does Mr.. Rodenberg
81 do not know how soon / will need
it, you know. The Sunday Morning
Globe doesn't like civil service, and,
Of course, it will moose around until
it finds something on us. The d. N. is
great healer Of wounds, / understand
from the gentlemen who have been
treated here, and hence | want to en-
courage you in the good work. Put up
bottle each for my fellow Commits
sioners."
What induced Hon Terrence V.
Powderly, our old eX-Fenian fellow
patriot, to put in his half-tone, eye
glasses and all, we can not understand.
Terrence ought to know that the Sun
day Globe wouldn't hurt a hair on the
top Of his head (wheTe he hasn't had
any since Secretary-Treasurer John w.
Hayes scalped him in the X. Of L.,
under no consideration. The Globe
knows, of course, the huge fake Of
Terry's job and his swarm Of lmmigra-
tion agents, who pool their issues in
New York especially, and rake in the
long green, yet we are not saying a
word, for, If anybody has a special
right to loot the Government, 1t is the
men Terry has appointed, as they have
been robbed, like all other sons Of
toll, by every successive Government
from Grant to Mckinley. No, Terry,
you have no occasion to fear the Sun
day Globe, as the writer once tried to
touch you for a ten-spot and you
nObly ignored the request. This estops
triaing with you, Terry, besides you
suffered enough as Master Workman
Of the Knights of Labor, under its
fighting secretary-treasurer
The Department News is a four-page
copper backed little sheet, brought into
the world by the prince Of newspaper
hucksters, Old Man Vaughan, and pre-
vented from departing this life for the
newspaper graveyard owing to it's be-
ing a case OF suspended animation-too
weak to die and not strong enough to
kick, and hence its sign Of Soothing
syrup on sale for Department rGscals
and rGscality, shoDn up by the Sunday
Globe"
We do not object to playing lion for
our jackal contemporary, but 1t ought
In fairness "divy" with the proceeds
Of its sale OF oil, for should The
Globe cease from exposing the crook
edness OF the Departments and De-
partment officials, the Department
News, like Othello, would find "its oc-