Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1901-01-24
MOSTLY SCISSORS AND PASTE.

arc oouipitte maSbbfs OF bn6 subtle
art OF hurting invectives. Lots of
men try, but fail dismally. 1t is so
easy to think. after the opportunity has
passed, of all the things ons might
have said. No such embarrassment.
however, troubled the mind OF loudly
attired young man. who was traverang
day morning He had inadvertently
jostled against tiny messenger hoy.
"G'wan, you big lohster!o exclaimed
the little fellow, glazing defiance from
the curb. whore he had bean pushed.
The loudly -attired young man, who was
evidently feeling the effects of post.
Christmas jag, replied in this fashion |.
How dare you speak to me, you in.
scot You microbe! You infinitesimal
progeny of a dipsomsniaoal hypochron-
driac You Woody son of wallowap
You miscropical messenger OF Mel
ohizedek, what dye meanYn The
loudly -attired young man stopped for
breath. Gee! Amt no a wonder ~
| calculated the messenger hoy. ''Say,
mister, teach me them words, won't
you ~
III ! had invested all my money In
diamonds four YEARS ago, " said New
York ieweler, land sold them at the
present price my profits would have
been larger than they have been In my
business. received the tip then to
buy diamonds and hold them, but |
neglected it. The prices for certain
kinds OF stones had advanced 1926 or $50
a carat and it may go higher. know
an eccentric man who for years has in.
vested his savings in diamonds of good
| quality Some Of the stones he has had
mounted IN jewelry which he wears
and others he keeps unset. He told ma
not long ago that at the present market
| price he could sell his collection at a
profit of $1,000 more than he gave for
them.
In the smokingroom Of Partisan
theatre the other night the couvelsa-
tion turned on great theatrical sue
cesses, and the Story was told of NJ.
Bertrand, director of the Varieties,
making a bet with Offenbach. 1.-THE
Brigands' was being given, and toe
theatre was packed every evening.
I'VE shall take 5000 francs tomorrow
night" exclaimed Offenbach, en-.
Enthusiastically. II don't think SO. y
replied Bertrand. 'I'll bet you a
breakfast for actors and every DO 1y
engaged in the theatre, +" said Offen-
back. .tI'll take you,n answered
Bertrand. On the following even Ing,
at the end Of the FIRST act. Bertrand,
looking very roguish, approached Often
bach and greeted him with: swell,
you've lost. We have taken 5, $50
francs. !" II know. said the musician,
but | have just taken two orchestra
1 seats myself that makes 6,000." And
he whispered in the directors ear
You know that was cheaper than pay.
ing for the breakfast. !"
An old negro who lives in Tennessee
| was recently heard to give the follow
ing prescription for rheumatism: He
was met by an acquaintance who in
| quired of him; "Unole Rube, how did
you get rid of the rheumatism?n The
old negro replied: "Well, boss, I'll tell
yer. Dey tells me il you watch a hog
and see where he rubs and go dar and
rub and squeal same as hog you never
| will be pestered wild de rumatics any
more. And SO 1 rubbed whar hog
rubbed and squealed like a hog and,
boss, amt had no rumatios since "
Everybody knows that an invitation
to a wedding is gentle intimation
that presents, however small. will be
gratefully received by the bride. But
1t has been left to distinguished
native OF India to make open confession
of this pleasing hypocrisy. Writing to
the people in his station, asking
them to his daughters wedding, this
man used the following formula ..Mr.
and Mrs request the presents Of
Col. - and the officers of the -
Regiment at the wedding of their
daughter. -
1t SO happened that the telephone
girls finally were organized into a
labor union.
"Give ME 16 double in hurry, .
said the subscriber.
Pardon me-" said the girl nj
central, but have you union CARDS
"Certainly,' answered the sub
scriner.
I'm union affiliated with the Fed
GRAFTON OF Labor?"
Yes. yes, of course. Hurry up,
can't your
"Dues all paid ups" persisted the
girl,
Eyes"
well, give me the number Of your
unicn card and as soon as can have
your assertions verified 1 shall be glad
to make the necessary connections for
you.
Not counting the national capital
there are Al towns and cities bearing
the name OF Washington, says the ST.
Louis Globe Democrat. No doubt
more communities would have tb us
honored the memory of the father OF
h,s country but for the prohibition Ut
the Postoffice Department Of more than
one postotfioe Of the same name in a
State. There is in nearly every State a
county called Washington. But the
most popular use of the name has
come to light in the Pension Bureau.
In certain parts of the country rush
ing business is being done by attorneys
In applications for pensions ON behalf
" colored soldiers who served during
the civil war. The attention of the
bereau has been called to one regiment
in which, according to the rolls 90
colofed George Washingtous served
A single company shows membership
Of ID George Washingtons by the ap-
plications filed.
Two gastronomic novelties have
made their appearance in New York
this winter says the New York Sun,
and although they were brought here
py different persons both come from
Italy. The proprietor of an uptown
hotel who goes annually to Europe in
| search OF the newest inventions in
every department OF his business, re-
turned this fall with some cakes made
/ a Ifai snr nl,-.. L.