The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-06-25

who went to the front in an armored commissary car. In my great work on The War of the Future, l shall ex- pand and apply the theory. Let us, for instance. imagine as fact accom- pifshed declaration of war between our country and Great Britain. Now J ask you Is 1t an agreeable. and n1ce thing for an American or an English man to be scattered over the landscape by an exploding shell; to be separated oy cavalry saber, or ventilated hy rlne ball? On the contrary, to the contrary. Man is designed for nobler things, for cricket. say, or to run TOT suburban trains. Very well. then; ur,- der the system of warfare, which shall introduce what happens? As soon as war Is declared a month Is allowed each country to make contracts. Tnls ts to be done in an orderly and dignl- ned, and at the same time in thor ough manner. Everybody in our coun- try and in England who has been liberal campaign contributor, who has been helpful in the election of mem bers of the House of Commons or Congress. Is to be asked what kind Of contract he wants. and how much he expects to make out of it. That be- ing done checks for the various profits will be passed over to the contractors without scandal and without re- proach.''
 T think that is lovely" said Mrs. Max.
 Lovely is a word of too small enn- phasis. however, to describe the next move. MT. Mckinley will cable King Edwsrd: Are your contracts all fixed, my dear friend?' The King replies. sNn ho Ax-orln0IxpH . celiency.' Then the next stage of war proceeds for a month. This is tn cap pointment and promotion of sons of somebdies. This will go on with ac- compartment of light operatic music. Any one moving in the first social circle of any State, city, town or cross proceeds for a month. This is the ap- pointment in the regular army and one hundred staff and line in volunteer army. The United States Secret Ser vice. aided by the Pinkertons, will be depended upon in this country. and Scotland Yard, aided by Conan Doyle in England, to see that no West Point CT. or other common person, carefully educated and trained for the business. gets into the service. Such menials will be set to work keeping books for contractors, and doing other work which will not permit them to inter- fere with the sons of somebodies."
 Mrs. Jack will like that part of 1t. Mrs. Max remarked, because it VIII keep Colonel Bob Billings within f1irt- ing distance"
 "I am glad, madam, you approve. Then will come the promotions. The sons of fathers who have recently made a hundred millions will all be made lieutenant generals. and so on down to the sons of mere millionaires, who will be promoted only to colonel cies. All West Point and Sandhurst graduates will be sentenced to life sec ond lieutenancy.
 'aThen King Edward will cable to MT. Mckinley: Are your appointments and promotions all fixed, my dear friend?' The President will reply, No one has been overlooked, your ma testy.'
 Two months from the declaration of war having passed in these joyful operations all the contractors having bought houses in Fifth avenue and in Grosvenor street, and all the sons of somebodies having acquired ten trunks each of glittering uniform, and everyone having forgotten the caus | belli. the war will begin"
 "But." gasped Mrs. Max, T thought there was to be no war"
 War a plenty, but no fighting. First | the Kings army comes over here, and all the titled officers marry rich girls, | all the rich British officers go broke to Americans at poker, all their crtck- eters try to learn baseball. MT. Mo- l Kinley makes a speech. and then every one concerned goes over to England. How crowded the steamers will 1 be-" suggested Mrs. Max.
 That is a part of the game; all the l steamship lines will have been charter l ed by friends of the Secretary of War | and the Secretary of War. In England our rich officers will go broke at coun- | try house card parties and marry their hosts penniless daughters; our base | ballers will try to learn cricket; and | the whole American army will be | drilled an hour twice a day on the broad sound of a. and everyone will be required to wear six different uni forms daily.
 By this time four months will have elapsed since war was declared. Ther | a member of Parliament will rise anC | inquire what the Americans are iT London for. The Parliamentary Sec. 1 retary for rubber necking will answer that as the Americans are all broki they will, according to custom, lease the country. Then our army will be
 recalled. and every one able to say l C6WHI TUT can VIII pAdCCu Ol lAS
 pension roll, and glorious war wil have ended without a voice having
 been raised in anger"
 Mrs. Max laughed softly at the ma jor's fancy, then remarked: Its too
 bad that the Husslars will not get 1T
 on the war. now"
 The Husslars?" cried the major
 "why it is for such as the Husslars my scheme of war is to be suggested. Die
 not MT. Husslar, a grand man, madam fine specimen of noble and inde-
 pendent American, at once a rough
 diamond and the salt of the earth
 didn't he. I ask you, make twenty mil
 lions in U. P; twenty more in c. B. and ten in A. T.? Your sighting re.
 mark on the Husslars pain me, madam they do."
 But. major, didn't you hear tho news? Husslar went clean broke in N
 F."
 Did he?" cried the major. Broke you say! The low wretch! The com mon. vulgar. pretentious fellow"
 But Mrs. Jack says that Jack says Husslar is sure to come to the tor again"
 T dare say There is a great deal oi rugged worth good sense and hones merit in Hussar."
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