davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18

am a farmer located near Stony Brook, one of the most ndariow
districts In this State, and was bothered with malaria for years, at times
SO could not work. and was always very constiPated as well rd
years had malaria so bad in the spring, when engaged in blowing,
that could do nothing but shake. must have taken about a barre
OF qunine pills besides dozens Of other remedies, but never obtained
any permanent benefit. Last fall, In peach time, had a most serious
attack OF chins and then commenced to take Rpans Tabules, uPona
friends advice, and the first box made me all right and have never
been without them since. take one Tabule each morning and night
and sometimes when feel more than usually exhausted take three ~
a day. They have kept my stomach sweet, my bowels regular and
have not had the least touch of malaria nor splitting headache SINCE
commenced using them. know also that sleep better and wake up
more refreshed than formerly. don't know how many complaints
Rpans Tabules will help, but do know they will cure any one in the
condition was and would not be without them at any price.
honestly consider them the cheapest-prced medicine in the world as
they are also the most beneficial and the most onyenient 10 take
an twenty-seven years of age and have worked hard all my life, the
sarne as most farmers. both early and late and in all kinds OF weathsl
and have never enjoyed such good health as have since last fall; IN
fact, my ~neighbors have all remarked my improved condition and have
aid. Say, John, what are you doing to look 81 healthy ?"
~ oegs relief oeh wH X PANS On the package and cJt no snstiute IT,
,trs emso twss packets @s swn.a may ne had az ny drug .s. .II.. am%rs:: "; re C. III Va
Spruce ST New York
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18

swagger way. When the horses came
prancing up, there vas a sensation on
that block, and 80 other women turned
pale as they looked out of their win
dows."
.yhas some rubber tires on der
wheels Of cot hackY p asked the grocer
as he seemed to call up a picture in his
minds eye.
AYE, there was. Mr.. Wasserman,"
replied the Janitor. YES, there was
rubber tires on every ~wheel-none MISS
ing-and the driver was In uniform and
the horses stepping high. For a min
ute or two | felt so proud that | vas
determined to ask McMurphy to raise
my salary to $50 a month and fuel
throwed in; but. alas, 1t was the hack
that was our undoing."
ibid she broke DOWN.
mot at all. The ladies' didn't have
money enough to settle the fare, you
see. or they wanted to beat each 9TH
er. They could scrape only 45 cents to-
gether, while the fare vas a dollar and
a half, and the driver wasn't slow in
giving them his opinion of bilks. 1t
wasn't two minutes before the whole
neighborhood was on to the racket. and
then there was fun. At first the three
women hung together as against the
driver. but pretty soon Mrs. OfSullivan
got her Irish up and turned on the 9TH
ers with:
".Be me sowl. but I might have
knowed 1t. What but this should hap
pen to a DESCENDANT of the O'Shanes
gurr
WHO you Gala dago?' yelled the
countess.
land who's a naygurT shouted Mrs.
Torrington.
Then a great crowd gathered around.
hoping to see a scrap. and when l tell
you, Mr.. Wasserman, that the reputa-
ton of McMurphy's flats for chick and
gentility suffered a setback that they'll
not get oyer for years l speak the
words with aching heart. To satisfy
the driver and avoid a row on the
street Mrs. O'Sullivan handed over that
tea store diamond and sailed into the
house as grand as a queen. and when
the others had followed her l locked
the doors on the crowd"
"Und so all vhas peace onc moreT'
queried the grocer, with a sigh of re-
lief.
"Not on your life, old man. You
know what a prelude is. don't you?"
81 pellet I do. but I don't carry some
in stock. She vhas too perishable."
"Just SC. Well. that little affair on
the sidewalk was a prelude, a prologue.
a curtain raiser. 1t didn't take the
O'Sullivan over seven minutes to get
back into her fighting toys. and she
made a break for up stairs at once.
The dago and the colored woman were
all ready for her and also for each 9TH
er. and the way they did sail In and
break down doors and knock off plas-
ter gave me palpitation of the heart
and thoughts of ~graveyards. | limped
OF and let them have 1t out. and the
three Of them are In bed and viii be for
a week to come"
But maybe dey shall make oop good
friends und stay soT" suggested the
grocer.
Maybe. but you can't expect 1t. Mr..
Wasserman. 1t amt In what they call
nature. you see. It's ireland ag'in
Italy and Africa. and Italy and Africa
ag'in Ireland. and three women ag'in
each other. and II you don't mind I'll
take a cucumber home for my lunch
and get what rest | can for my asthma
before the menagerie breaks loose
again" NJ. QUAD.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18
M'MURPHY'S FLATS.
THE PUcILlSTlc TENANTS BURY THE
RATCHET FOR A TIME.
II Was Only the Calm Before the
storm, However, and when Italy,
ireland and Africa Got Together
They Made Up For Lost Time.

Copyright, l9el, By e. B. Lew1s-J
$50 1t vhas you, Mr.. Sprocket| que
fied the German grocer as he wiped his
hands off after measuring out a peck
of potatoes and extended II to the jan
itor of McMurphy's flats. who came
limping In.
"Yes. it's me. Mr.. W~asserman.' was
the reply. but there was an hour or so
last night when | didn't know whether
I'd be living today or not"
Did you go most dead nit dot asth-
map"
mo. 1T wasn't the asthma altogether.
In fact. the asthma was as good as
left out of it. Those people broke loose
again. you see. and the nervous strain
on me almost knocked me out"
what a wicked peoples. What a wick
ed world Ind so dere vhas some
more rows?"
IL told you the other day about the
three ladies having a scrap" replied
the %janitor as he settled himself down
on the head of a barrel. We'll, they
went about with their noses in the air
for a day OF two and then decided to
make it up. That's a woman's way,
you know. They couldn't visit each
other while they were mad. and each
n of the three was just dying to see
how the others had furnished up their
rooms and whether the whole family
had to sleep in one bed or lot Mrs.
O'Sulliyan had the most curiosity, and
as she had drawn a diamond ring with
a pound Of 80 cent tea and wanted to
show it off she decided to give In first.
Yesterday morning she knocked on the
dago's door. and the dago put her nose
out and asked:
"'Whata you wanta of me, chr
Countess, I've come to make up
wild ye.' said O'Sulliyan. 'Sayin nothin
of the words in the Bible and the
teachin's of good men that we should
dwell together in harmony, I'm willin
to believe that l was mistaken In ye as
a dago. The way We used yer fingers
In me hair. to say nothin of the bat on
me mouth. proves that ye are a perfect
lady and entitled to my esteem. Shake
me hand, Countess Divito, and let's
be friends
"'You no wanta fghta any moreY
asked the countess as she came out
into the hal.
"'Not another wollop,' answered
O'Sulliyan. It's rather airly in the
mornin for a high society call. but If
yen overlook 1t for once I'll come in
and show ye the $3.50 diamond ring me
Tim handed me from his hind pocket
this mornin for a birthday present
81 heard it ALL" said the j~anitor. "and
the countess let her In and met her
half way. | thought it would be a
good thing for me and McMurphy and
a bad thing for the darby. but it turn
ed out tiptop all around. When two
women get to making up a quarrel.
they include all creation. and ii wasn't
over half an hour before the two came
out with their arms around each 9TH
er and starred up to see the BARRIERS
wife"
"Py golly, but | like dot" exclaimed
the grocer. when | rhas mad at some
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18
ORIENTAL STORIES.
fht KING GIVES THE PEASANT SOME
POINTERS ON AGRICULTURE.
tEis Regal Hiehness Was Also Gives
. Few Pointers That Sent Him
Back 20 ais Palace . sadder but
Wiser A1ah.
fcopyright. 1901, by C. D. Lewis.l

back 20 Hfs Palace . sadder hui
Wiser MAJ.
fcopyright, 1901, by C. D. Lewis.1
One day his royal nibbs of Persia, be
ing tired of his chair of state and the
fattery of his courtiers and wishing to
zee q man without guile and also TO see
how the science of agriculture was
coming on In his kingdom. climbed out
Of his palace by a back window and
took q stroll by his lonesome. By and
BIZ be reached the little farm of a peas
ant, and as the peasant was mailing q
coonskin up on the barn door and had
time to talk the king sat down for a
chat. He felt himself posted on agri-
culture right up to the neck. and he
wasn't stingy with his Information.
"Know thou, o peasant" he led of,
With much %profundity. that If You
were to plant your turnips on a side
hill you would be saved the trouble Of
pulling them? When the crop was
ready for gathering, 1t would roll itself
into baskets at the foot of the bill. Try
It once, and you will take no other"
The peasant could have told him that
4 side hill crop of turnips was as apt
to climb up as to roll down when ripe.
but he was no joker. He had also read
In his weekly paper that the king had a
little way of shortening the length of a
man who disputed his theories.
And as for potatoes" continued the
king, don't you see how much handler
It would be to grow them on trees?
Then you would only have to shake
them down when ripe. whereas you
row break your back digging them
from the earth. The way to get ahead
Of the game Is to be up with the times"
The peasant agreed that 1t might be
done and that the king was a farm on
wheels, and the gratifed ruler came at
him with:
Next spring I shall issue an edict
that the cucumber must be curbed. 1t
has got into the habit of straying all
over the garden, like a lost COW. Let
1t be tied to a stake and kept there"
Again the peasant made haste to
agree, and he added that he would be
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18
s funny. doesn't It?
Pleasure. of Gardening.

civilian. | wish you would go and
weed out the flower bedg'
William went and inspected 1t.
Then he returned.
ut would be a simpler Job. Marie"
he said, Ito flower out the weed bed"
Chicago Tribune.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18
Unnecessary Alarm

Mr.. Fijjit-Here comes a fellow who
is likely to throw something at you.
Mrs. Fijjit-Goodness me. Randolph!
Is be likely to throw?
Mr.. Fijjit-His voice. He Is n ven
triloquist. dear.-Obio State Journal.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18
Knew Her b

Mother-Is your letter to your hus-
band ready to mail?
Married Daughter-lt's all done ex-
cepting the postscript. telling him to
send me some more money. I'm look
Ing for another sheet of paper.
Write IL across the lines"
mo, indeed. He'll pretend he couldn't
read it."-New York Weekly.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18
In the Literary Thro,

"Was you club paper troublesome.
Dorothy"
"Oh. horrible! | ransacked IL books
End ate three pounds of chocolate cara
mels while | was getting 1t up."-De-
troit Free Press.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18
For sale by A. D. LEMAIRE. & SONS, Battle Mountain, New
The Dogs Immune.

Snobblns-I should think you'd be
afraid of having that big dog around
you all the time. If | had him. | should
be afraid all the time he would go
mad.
Snubbins-But he doesn't have to live
with you. you know.-Boston Tran
script.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18
One ON the LAWYER.

Magistrate-Now. my boy. you are
on your oath. Do you know what that
means?
Witness-Er-no. sir: not exactly.
Magistrate-Doyouk know what you're
expected to tell?
Witness (promptly)-Oh. yes. sir; the
lawyer that brought me here wrote it
all down SOS ! could learn it OH by
heart.-Tit-Bits.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18

Paw" said little Willie Gettlt, "give
me 10 cents to buy a story book with"
Ten centsl'' shrieked the old gentle
man. do you think | am Andy Car
negie ?"-Balfimore American.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18
Not FOrU0tteu.

She-I do believe you forgot that this
was our wedding days third anniyer-
sary.
He-Indeed | didn't. I just met the
second of the notes | negotiated to buy
the furniture when we were married.
indianapolis Press.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18

Circus Manager-What's all that row
In the dressing room?
Attendant-Oh. the man who walks
barefoot on swords ran a splinter In
his foot.-Ohio State Journal.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18

what makes you think she's In love
with you. TomT'
"Oh. she called me You horrid. mean
thing. last ght."-Philadelphla Even
Ing Bulletin.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18
Am ~unenaurahle Citize

"Gruggs walks as II he owned the
whole blamed town"
"Yes. and he amt even a police COM
| Observation-Disclosures News.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18
Strictly Busin ess.

Theorist-You believe in giving credit
to whom credit is due. don't you?
Practical Man-Y-yes, but ! make ev-
erybody else pay cash.-Chicago Trib-
une.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18

as he a criminal lawyer"
"Weil. | should hardly call him a
criminal. though some of his practices
come very close to being felonies."-
Town and Country.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18

"Stubbs. Is your new novel selling
well?"
mo; but nearly all the neighbors
have borrowed it."-Chicago Record
Herald.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18
Misnamed.

1ess-Young Mr.. Saphead tells me
his first name Is Noah. What do you
think of that?
J~ess-Sounds funny, doesn't 1t?
Tess-Funny? It's ridiculous. Noah
had sense enough to go in when it
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Press.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-07-18

The life of a wagon depends greatly upon the strength and quality Of il, All.
and wheels. The Balm Wagon is peerless on these essential pon.
1t is a well established fact that the Balm Steel skein Wagon i. N.
lightest draft wagon in the world.
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1901-04-02
Asuinalao oomsortabl. and Cheerful

Ap1linaldo conferred with prominent
ex.revolutiOnists at Manila, but his future
attitude is still uncertain. He IL now
detained in comfortable room OF the
Malacanan Palace at Manila. He Is in
charge OF Capt. Benjamin II. Randolph
and Lieut.. Gilbert A. Youngberg. When
Aguinaldo was captured he wore n plain
dark blue suit. with the coat closely but
toned at the throat. and a wide white
helmet with leather band. He takes
his capture philosOphically. He is gen
orally cheerful but sometimes moody.
Certain visitors are permitted to see Ag-
uinaldo. but newspaper interviews with
the prisoner are mot allowed. Aguinald0
has not placed himself in apOsition to be
offered any terms by the Unites States
under any of the prOclamations or in
structions governing the Philippines.
No attempt will be made to bargain
with him, and he will first have 10 accept
the sovereignty of the United States and
also show that becomes within the terms
of the amnesty offered before he could
even he offered n position under the gov
eminent, if it seemed desirable To use him
in governmental capacity in the future
At present Aguinaldo will he considered
on the same footing with Others prisoners
Save for his capture, he stand in the same
attitude toward the United States that
he has stood from the beginning OF The
instruction. His wife and mother have
visited him. He praises Funston's skill
and daring.
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1901-04-02
The coleman-sanders Breach Of Premise

The questions propOunded were OF n
iar-reaching and searching nature. When
the defendant took the witness stand
Saturday about the first question which
greeted him was If at the former trial he
did not say at that time he was ready
and willing To marry Miss Coleman, To
which he replied in the Affirmative lie
was srenIinled thattin his plea he stated
thathe Easwillin9 to marry hernow.
The ddeadhDt answered that hecouid moi
marfyherlecaus4 he was already mar
ried.
Mrs Bassutt, Of Princess Anne county,
with whom the plaintiff had boarded
when teaching in that county, and who
had for the past ten days been waiting to
testify. was allowed to take the stand.
Mrs. Bassutt had been brought for the
purpose of trying to show that Nib =
CoemiaIf bail lfen engaged to si4nfao one
else dnring thetime she was engaged to
Mr.. Sanders which the plaintiff. had de
MED.
MIR. Sanders resumed the stand. and
several very pertinent questions were
propoupded to him. He was asked Il he
had not. on the day the jury rendered
its verdict mt the former trial and after
the same was rendered stated to several
gentlemen who had expressed the opinion
that he ought To have married Miss Cole
man. that he would not for $1,000 or
SIC, 900 either, the amount of damages
for which he was being sued.
The counsel for the defense objected to
the question, which was fully argued by
counsel and ruled out Of order by the
court .HftlI. Ifg tA..
\ numbered leading physicians will be
examined this week as experts to testify
AZ 20 the lefendaIit's health previous t0
the breaking of his engagement.
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1901-04-02
TUESDAY.............APRlL 2 l9ol'
Weather fo7 ecast for Fred
4ricksburg and Vicinity 0l E
Warmer, acith rain Tuesday,

The papers inform lis that lately
by chance all four of the guberna-
torial aspirants dropped into the
lobby OF Murphy's hotel upon the
same occasion. Three Of them
Messrs. Echols, Swanson and Mar
shall shook hands. and fOrsOm time
were the centre OF little knot OF
ad,niring friends and reporters. Here
were three worthy and prominent
sons of the Old Dominion aspiring to
the same high honors, and yet on
good terms with each other, enough
so to be calling one another Coy
ernor" and cracking Jokes about
their candidacy. In all the slush OF
political excavations this is encourage
ING indeed to Virginians.
Anothernewspaperitem states that
the First District Congressman has
gathered around him the two mem-
bers from the Third and Eighth Dis
tricts and has formed an anti-Martin
machine in this fight. We arenot as
vet prepared TO believe that the trio
mentioned have formed such cOali-
ton, for Mr. RiXey has not that we
know of publicly declared his prefer
ence in the gubernatorial fight. But
if this report should be true such a
combination could not be fairly
STYLED an anti-Martin machine. 1t
would be more OF an anti-tield ma
chine-a coalition against all OF the
candidates but one. Three of the
candidates remain friends and are
conducting each his campaign
against the other on high plane,
and against these it would appear
that the anti-Martin element is
turned. Yet Senator Martin is sup
porting only one ofthem-Mr. Swan
son.
1t appears to us to be the height OF
folly that our own District should
allow it's hand to be turned against
every other mans hand, as it were, in
this campaign. Not content with be-
inc ignored and almost Ostracised in
Congress and in the counsels OF the
Virginia delegation it is now hidden
blindly follow the move OF putting
itself at odds with the Democrats
of the State. And for what2 That
one man, or small coterie of men,
shall wreak their spite on some one
against whom they have a grudge.
That old aphorism-" biting off your
nose to spite your face was never
more applicable than to the attitude
into which the Democrats of the
First District have allowed them
selves to be led.
What is plainly true OF the First
District may eventually become true
of the Eighth, but as yet there is no
distinct mark upon theforehead, and
it is TO be hoped that the wisdom
OF her leading Democrats will save
the party in that District from COM
hitting political harikari.
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1901-04-02
|

Mr.J. H, Mulholland, OF Washington
was drowned at Lodge, Northunberlanl
county. Friday. Mr.. Mulholland was
crossing the creek from Turner : Landing
to Lodge in a small skiff, lie was alone.
andwhen about hall waybetween the two
points the skiff filed with water. When
the boat sank the unfortunate man swan
about 0yards aud succeeded in getting
within 10ly yards 81 the shore when he
was drowned. His body was .rec0yered
about 10 minutes later, but every means
to revive him proved Of no avail. A
number Of papers and about $S0in money
were on his person. $3.50 nfal1.ai
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1901-04-02
Of Doubtful Percentage.

The following has gone the rounds OF
the press until we had thought the wart
worn of II has previously been attrib-
uted to Rev. Sam Jones, but some OF
our contemporaries are reproducing as a
witticism of the dead and gone Bill Nye.
The piece in question is:
"a man may use wart on the back
Of his meek for a collar button: ride on
the back cOach OF train Ia save interest
ON his money until the conductor comes
around; stop his watch at nights to save
the wear and tear; leave his i and t
without dot or cross To save ink; pas
ture his mother sgrave to save corn; but
a man OF this kind il a gentleman and a
scholar compared to fellow who will
take n newspaper and when asked TO pay
for IT, put ii in the office and has itmark-
ed refused. r.Ii. .t