The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1901-03-13
A STUDY IN DINING.
THE VERY FAT LADY AND THE TABLE
D'HoTE DINNER.

what This GaStronomic Criminal Ate
and How IL Impressed an Observer,
with some Remarks on Appetite
and Moderation.
The usual thoughtful person-who will
spend an hour studying the ant at his
toil-will disregard his fellow being stuff
ing at the table d'hote opposite him.
1t is great mistake to let any hour
80 by without analyzing and dissecting
the human things around you.
Impressed with this notion we earnest
ly, but politely, studied the fat lady as
she came 10 eat.
She sat down and breathed heavily.
That heavy breathing told OF asthmatic
tendcncieS-due TO an overloaded stom-
ach-and it propheSied an early ending TO
a placid life, II meant that she should
fast moderately for month.
All fat people have some queer con-
tradiction about them.
This fat lady had for belt buckle n
bronze plate four times as big as n sill
yer dollar. On the bronze plate in relief
was the bust Of thin, scrawny, bony,
spirituelle girl.
High in the air the fat lady held her
three pink chins. Below at her belt and
far out OF her sight was the bronze relief
OF woman as woman should be.
In the old days of knightly frankness
it would have been proper to lean for
ward and say;
Beautiful fat lady, radiant being, il
you will you can be as scrawny, health
full and pleasing as the thin thing at your
belt"
But in these days such frank talk will
not do. We could only sit and watch
sadly.
"0ysters," said the lady. and ate them,
breathing hard and tugging pitifully with
her lungs at her cruel corset strings.
"Mock turtle SOUP" said she, and ate
that. Then her breath was little bit
shorter and her face a shade piuker.
II think I'll have some fish" She ate
half founder. called sole" by cour-
iesy.
Lobster"
"Roast beef"
Potatoes"
Corn"
'Beets"-no one can digest them.
Sweet potatoes"
Punch, with curacoa." This eats out
your stomach's lining.
"Broiled quail on toast"
Lettuce and tomato salad"
All these she ordered and ate conscien-
tiously.
The waiter could have shamed Poe's
raven with his solemn. impassive filling
Of a vast void. He showed no signs Of
mirth, amazement, rage or impatience,
but only said:
What else, ladyY"
The lady said:
Il don't care for anything elSe-just
give me some ice cream and cheese and
crackers and cup Of coffee"
She was an agreeable looking fat lady.
She was tidy, fairly intelligent in appear
ance; had evidently been subject all her
life to Christian influences.
Undoubtedly, somewhere in this world,
some one loves her, and 10 that person
she says quite often:
Dear me. wish did not get so stout.
l don't know what TO do"
The kind admirer says:
81 don't think you're stout"
The poor fat thing breatheS heavily, but |
more happily, and eats in the same rep |
tilian fashion the next day.
We are perfectly well aware that some |
fat people do not eat n great deal-that |
they get fat in spite Of all efforts. But |
they are exceptions, and, besides, we call |
their attention kindly TO the fact that fat |
is not made Of air, but Of food, and that
If they eat less they will weigh less.
We have no hope that many will re-
form at our bidding, but none the less we
paint this picture from life for their con-
temptation.
As for the table d'hote. it should be
called the table indigestion" and laws
should be passed TO modify il.
Man is intended Of course TO eat OF all
he earth's wholesome products.
His appetites are arranged in such pro-
,ortion as shall impel him to cultivate
he earth scientifically.
The great Fourier suggests that mans
'alate analysed will he found perfect
nap Of the world under proper cultiva-
ion.
But while man, unlike the inferior ami
lals, is destined to great gastronomic
ariety he is not intended to eat every
hing at once.
Temperance, moderation, the self con-
rol essential TO true appreciation-those
re the things which he should cultivate.
For that reason, as a humble instru-
1ent Of the cosmic scheme, we scold the
at lady, beg all to mingle great variety
With intellectual self control and shame
at friends into thinness.--New York
ournal