The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-07-08
WANTED FRIED GOLDFISH.

Chicago Tribune.
The gentleman who in nautical phrase
seemed to be three sheets in the wind
with the mainsail tapping" careened
against the window Of the aIl-nght
restaurant. 81 wan somethin' t eat"
said the bibulous one. SON thin
dif'rent." He went into the restaurant
and huskily inquired of the waiter what
there was in the place n shape of food.
Eggs, steak, cold beef any kind of
pie; whatIl you nave?" ratified the
waiter.
The bibulous one leaned his head on
the nearest table and wept. ''Thas jes
what all uzzer washers said" he sobbed
81 don vanish eggs, Steash, er col beef
VANISH sushin dif'rent."
Sorry. sir" said the waiter What
particular thing different would you like
to have? Perhaps We can send out and
get it for you?"
'WaEsh f1f' cents worth fried poller
bear"
Sorry again replied the waiter. "a
lot of Esquimos were in here this even
ing and they ate up the last piece of
polar bear meat we had. We can send
up to Lincoln park and have the polar
bear in the zoo killed Tor you, but we
couldn't get the ms at back here for
three or four hours"
TOO long, too long" moaned the in
ebriated Individual mo ush"
He arose and walked unsteadily out
of the restaurant, but paused at the
door to look back reproachfully at the
waiter. Then he spied the tank of gold
fish that stood in the restaurant window.
His face frightened up and he returned
to the table agai
Eyes, sir?" said the waiter
81 vanish golsh fish" said the bibulous
one. cry fresh ,lsh fish. Like mosher
used to mashe Wan koch UNI selfh."
Couldn't do that, SIR said the wait
er. 1.-The goldfish are a window orna>
ment
Don't care whash goIsh fish are.
Want 'em. Mush have EN- fresh"
Cant serve them. SIR" said the
waiter.
AN, ge' out" pursued the bibulous
customer. 81 got plentshee money. Ain
$40 huff for ole golsh fish. Here's y
$40. Gimme hook and line"
The waiter decided that $40 was
pretty good return for the goldfish. so
he accepted the money eagerly and went
back of the counter and hunted up
black thread and a bent pin.
The customer Insisted on using his
cane for fishing pole, and so the black
thread was tied to one end of the cane.
the bent pin was baited with a crumb
of bread and the customer began fishing.
He fished for half an hour without get
ting so much a bite. He began to
revile the goldfish and the restaurant
and the waiter and threatened to break
the tank with his cane.
The waiter engaged his attention for
while in selecting some more suitable
bait, and while the customer was doing
this the waiter reached down into the
water and caught a goldfish with his
hand and put it on a plate behind the
counter
Then when the customer resumed fish
ing the waiter yelled: you've got
bite, pull" and when the customer
yanked his pole up the waiter dropped
the fish by the side of the tank.
You got him, you got him." yelled
the waiter, ''but he dropped off the hook.
Here he is"
The customer was greatly pleased and
went back to get some more of the magic
bait, while the waiter captured another
fish. In this way all four Of the fish in
the tank were caught by the angler and
sent back to the cook who simply put
them in a. pan Of water, for the waiter
had been careful to see that they suf-
fered no injury, and had kept them alive
in a bucket Of water into which he had
put them as fast as they had been taken
from the tank.
Then the cook fried some whitedsh
that he had in the ice chest and the
waiter deity spread some gold foil taken
off plug tobacco on the sides of the fish
He served it in great style, deftly remov-
ing the gold foil with 81 knife The
bibulous customer put the gold foil in
his pocket as a trophy of his capture
and ate the fish with great relish.
He gave the waiter a dollar tip and
disappeared In fine spirits down the
street. After he was well out of sight
the cook and the waiter returned the
goldfish to the tank