davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07

1t is an utter impossibility for short
man to fall in love with a tall woman.
He simply has to climb for it.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07

This is the time of year when it is
discovered that certain missing articles
haven't been seen since the house was
cleaned.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07
Hia Idea.

81 should think" said Mr.. Homewood,
shat self-respect would deter the street
car companies from running summer
cars in cold weather"
Flows that?" asked Mr.. Beachwood
"Well, dead citizens pay no fares"
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07
The Weather Man.. c.,

The Weather Mans Complaint.
1 try to please my patrons, but the con.
tract is no fun,
For farmers now want lots of rain and
carpenters want none.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07
Tact.

Cobble-There goes Glover, one of my
best friends. Never knew him to say
one word against me.
Stone-Yes. He's a fellow of rare
restraint.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07
No Romance Left.

Penelope-Why, how could you break
off your engagement with him?
Perdita-We were seasick together.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07

An effort is being made to establish
in one of the Scotch universities a chair
for the study Of the Scotch language
and literature.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07

Mrs. Nextdoor-Yes, my daughter is
very persevering In her piano-playing.
Do you notice that she's improving?
Mrs. Sharpe-No, and notice that
my husbands temper isn't.-Catholic
Standard.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07

of
MONS Parliament
of recently
the
to is
lived
He the
religion
he
pulpit 10
He s old.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07
First Thing Visitors Notice.

Clark knew Miss Kenosha was
stranger to Chicago before you told me.
Dearborn-So? How?
Clark-She noticed that all the men
in the car had soiled collars on.-Chi-
cago Tribune.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07

Man proposes-and the girl sends him
around to papa to see If he opposes.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07

1t is as impoLite to ask a man if his
diamonds are genuine as it is to ask
woman her age.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07

1t hardly offsets being in Wall street
only few minutes that one may be out
a great deal afterwards.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07

Proud Father Ito bachelor friend,
veterinary surgeon)-Well. aren't they
grand?
The Vet-M'yes. 1 should keep the
middle one, If l were you.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07
His Claim to Distinction,

$50, that Is Professor Dash Of the
Blank University. is it? Well. what has
he been doing to set the people to talk
ing about him?"
Nothing at all-nothing but teach
his classes. That's why I'm pointing
him out to you"
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07
Case of Genuine Humanity.

Young Husband-Those are the bis
cults you baked this morning. aren't
they, Jennie? What are you going to
do with themf
Young Wife Fearful and Indignant
I'm going to feed them to the pigeons.
Young Husband-Don't do that, dear,
for heavens sake! I'll try to eat them.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07
Man and Millinery.

"How do you Ike my new hat,
Harry"
"Well, it isn't quite as crazy-looking
as that last enc you bought"
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07
Editor-Did you write thi

Editor-Did you write this joke your
self?
Joe Kryter-Yes, sir.
Editor-Phew! Then you must be
about 400 years Of age. but swear you
don't look it.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07

Morgan is said to be man Of few
words. His money talks.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07

The man in winter 1annels oft must
Groom a dismal tune,
When sweet May weather slips q cog
and gets as hot as June.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07
RespectfnlIy DECLINED.

my boy, no cigarettesl If you must
smoke, smoke cigars"
"But, father. 1 can't afford it."
"You can use NINE"
81 value my friends too highly for
that"
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07

your club meeting was a feast of
reason"
Eyes, altogether; that committee
didn't give bite of anything to eat"
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07
LET Us ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA
RIOUS HUMORISTS
Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over-Sayings that Are Cheer
full to Old or Young-Funny Selec-
tions that You Will Enjoy.

Mandy" said Farmer Corntossel, as
be dropped valise full of sawdust on
the kitchen floor and placed a gold
brick on the shelf. 81 have jes' made a
discovery Tain very important, but
It's interestin'."
you don't sayp
Yes. Ye know it's been said you
kin fool some Of the public all the
time"
Eyes"
"Well, I'm that part O. the public.
Washington Star.
Holbrook argus., 1901-09-07
Easy Effort,

81 hear that you've been hunting"
Eyes"
bag anything?"
Nothing but my trousers"
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22

for endtayorlng to perpetuato unjust
conditions, We blame him for his in
human attitude toward the men by
whose sweat md upon the marrow OF
whose bones he has waxed fat We
hold him responsible for the. wanton
murder OF tho men at Homestead,
whose despairIng cry and plteous APP
peals for wages enough TO sustain life
he would not hear-or, hearing, an
swered with Plnkerton guns-claim-
Ing that the profits Of the business
would not warrant H. although at that
moment he was drawing fabulous div
ldonds from II and resolutions were
being adopted by dozen communal
ties laudlng his 'benevolence for dona-
lions Of money that had been earned
by the very labor he was exploiting
then and he has exploited ever since.
I'VE may be flying in the face OF
public opinion, and taking a most I'M
popular stand-that we have done be-
fore-but nevertheless we protest
against the acceptance Of this Carnegie
gift by San Francisco, No matter
what other communities have done, or
may do, let us decline it.-FrIscO Star
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22
nARnARIn wAnrAnr

Chicago Public. Another witness
comes forward to testify to the bar
barlc character OF the American war
In the Philippines, He Is DR., Samuel
l.. Steer, a surgeon In the United
States army, lately stationed with the
Twenty-third infantry In the Philip
pines AS reported by the Chicago
American OF the S0th DR.. Steer told
of an incident In illustration OF army
methods In dealing with the natives.
A party Of natives had treacherously
murdered four American soldiers. This
Is stated at least in explanation OF the
retaliatory acts OF an American cap.
tain OF the name Of Cloman, which d..
Steer thus describes:
when Capt, Cloman heard OF this
treacherous assault he did not wait for
orders With a little party he started
at once to the scene OF the late en-
counter. He took the dato or chief,
prisoner, and told him he would have
to surrender the men who had been
guilty OF the assault upon his soldiers.
There were nine OF them In all. Clo-
man then did something that brought
him some criticism, but which also
won him the love OF every private In
the army. He selected a good husky
sergeant and squad of his best men.
He told the sergeant to take these
prisoners out into the woodland gather
fuel for a camp Are, and also instruct
ed him that In case the prisoners at
tempted to escape they should not al
low them to carry out their object. In
a little while the sound of firing was
heard, and tho sergeant came in,
gravely saluted, and reported that the
nine prisoners having tried to escape
they found 1t necessary to fire upon
them. In this way Cloman avenged
the treacherous assault. There you
have q good idea Of the Philippine
war"
Thissummary vengeance might read
lily be excused II the American soldiers
and the Philippine tribesmen belonged
upon the same plane Of savagery But
inasmuch as the soldiers are from q
civilized country 1t does not rebound
to the credit Of civilization 1t may be
a human impulse to revenge the acts
of savages with savage acts, but 1t Is
not civilized to do It, The Philippine
war appears from this account to be
doing more to make sayages of civil
lied Americans than to make civil
lied subjects of the Philippine saw
ages.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22

The present rebellion in the Ropub-
lie OF Colombia is likely to involve the
governments of Colombia and Vene-
zula In war,
There Is a contingency which might
involve the United States In difficult
ties with foreign countries, Both Ven
ezuela and Colombia have large for
eign debts, on most OF which interest
has not been paid for years, Bonds
representing this indebtedness are held
chiefly by England and Holland. II, In
order to protect these bondholders
from further loss by a disastrous war
either OF these nations should inter
fere II 10 probable that the Monroe doc
trlne would be involved and thu United
States would cry Hands on"
In the meantime II may be well to
explain that the popular idea that this
10 q mere farce comedy revolution Is
not altogether we'll founded, In the
first place the territory Of the Repub-
lie OF Colombia is ten times as large
az that OF the State OF Illinois, while
Its population Is only 5000 against
4,900,O 900 In Illinois, In the second
place the attacks on the present gov
eminent OF Colombia have been 80
many during recent years that the Co
lombian army has been greatly en-
larged, II is now said to consist Of up
ward OF 10000 well-drllled and expert
enced soldiers, who are under the
command Of able generals. The gov
eminent Is conservative, and Its
friends say that 1t Is devoted to build
Ing up the trade and commerce Of the
republic.
On the other hand, even his bitterest
enemies admit that General Tribe
UriOe, the revolutIonlst leader report
ed dead, but report Is not credlted) Is
a man of spotless personal character,
who 10 actuated by the purest motives.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22

Youngstown (O) Vindlcator; The
effort made by Tom L. Johnson as
mayor Of Cleveland to compel the rail-
roads to 60 upon the tax duplicate of
Cuyanoga county as other property,
and assist in bearing the burdens Of
city and county government Is gain
ing force daily among the people
Farms and homesteads are rated at
two-thirds their value, or two-thlrds the
selling or market price Of such prop
critics, while the great railroads with
special privileges, are entered upon the
tax duplicate at less than one-tenth
their market value. Why Is this toll
Grated? Are farmers and homestead
owners so rich and generous, so fond
of labor, so anxious to bear burdens
that they willingly bend their backs
to toll that millionaire monopolies
may go untaXed?
Corporations are without souls or
conscience They are aggressive, con-
tlDually enCIOuVnlHB upOH anu ,hledlInB
from the people both their liberties
and profits from productive industry
The entertainments Of monopolies are
insidious, insolont and tyrannlcal, and
under methods today prevailing, es-
pecially in regard to taxation, escape
with minimum, leaving the burden
to be carried by the bread winners Of
toll
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22
LATE MRS. KRUGER.
She WAS A QUAINT. LovABLE
WOMAN.
Soon Paurs" Devoted wife Who Died
Recently Was Ono of the NobleSt
Women of Chrlatondom - Her Heart
Broken by tho invasion OF Drltlshsrs,

! The death recently at Pretoria of
Mrs. Kruger, wife of ex-President Kru-
ger, OF the South African Republic, re-
moved a picturesque figure from the
worlds stage. AS the wife of the
president of the Transvaal Republic
she was the first lady of the land, yet
the wives Of the common burghers on
the great veldts were not as plain and
Iunassuming as she. Frugal In her
habits Mrs, Kruger did much CT her
housework and almost daily did the
Kitchen work that she might save the
expense of servant. In her eyes her
beloved husband was the greatest
statesman in the world. While she adj
mired his statecraft she mended his
socks, cared for his wardrobe and sew
ed buttons on his clothing as though
she had been the humblest wife in
the republic,
Through the thrift of this invaluable
woman, It is claimed, Pau Kruger has
been enabled to save $25,O0O,OO0, Mrs
Kruger saw to 1t that the household
always subsisted on the $4,000 year
coffee money allowed by the Transvaal
Republic, while his (the ex-presldent's)
salary of $4,000 was annually saved
On this coffee money foreign diplomats
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22

and distinguished personages were en-
tertaIned and yet none ever left the
hospltable old mansion hungry,
Mrs, Kruger never had more than
three dresses at one time and they
were invariably black, She was also
satisfied with two hats, and one Of her
hobbies was that there should be no
feathers on them as she held II sin
to kill birds for the sake Of adjoining
hats A quaint, old-fashioned, loving
woman, Mrs. Kruger was the reflex
Of many Of the characteristics OF stern
old loom Paul" The war with Eng
land was a great trial on Mrs. Kruger
Frequently she was heard bewailing
the awful carnage and yet even In the
midst Of her sorrow for the fallen
burghers she found eloquent words in
which to express her sympathies for
the British wives and mothers who
had lost their dear ones on the broad
veldts. Then, too, the long separation
from her husband, combined with the
recent death of her favorite daughter
completely broke the gentle spirit and
the spark OF noble life went out.
Mrs. Kruger was "0om Paul's" Sec
ond wife, and was Miss Du Plessis
a family Of prominence in South Africa
and which gave to France one Of the
greatest princes of the church and
state, the Cardinal Richeleu, Sixteen
children blessed their union, eleven Of
whom are still living,
When ex-President Kruger was In
formed at Hilversum, in Holland, of
his wife's death he wept bitterly and
requested that he be left alone. Her
son-in-law, Eloff, and many other
members Of the family were at Mrs
Kruger's bedside when she oied.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22

He is at the same time one Of the most
picturesque characters ever developed
on the isthmus. He Is only 40 years
old, tall, athletic, and unsmiling,
There Is nothing Of the adventurer or
Bwashbuckler in his appearance, He
is man who takes everything seri-
ously and who knows how to work
hard and to dare greatly. He came to
the United States last February with
q number Of his stan, including R,
Perez, his private secretary, whose
wife is Chicago girl. Even at that
time the revolution was we'll under
way, and General Uribe-Uribe directed
Its operations for several weeks from
his Broadway hotel. While in this
country he made friends with many
prominent business men, who were
impressed with his plain sincerity and
his patriotic fervor.
Uribe-Uribe was born up In the
mountains Of Antochia, in the interior
Of Colombia and on the crest of the
Andes, His mother was famous for
her beauty, while his father was an
athlete and rancher. Many patriots
and fighters for liberty have been born
in the mountains, and the friends Of
Uribe-Uribe point out that his was the
proper birthplace for a man destined
to rescue his country from the hands
of corrupt and tyrannical politicians.
While a boyIhe was taught by his
father to break and ride the wild
horses OF the hills, to take long tramps
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22
CARNEGIEs BLooD.MoNEY.

In speaking of the $75O,OOO which
Carnegie has offered San Francisco
for library purposeS, The Star says,
in part:
"Mr. Carnegie's income runs up into
millions Of dollars year. This Is not
the result of his enterprise or indus
try, but of the special privileges which
he enjoys, The United States govern
ment protects him In his business
ventures, for instance, by paying him
twice rs much for armor plate as he
charges the Russian government. We
do not blame him for taking advan-
tage OF condition II thrust upon him,
but we do blame him. in his greed,
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22

The attention OF Major Mckinley Is
called to the surprising effect OF his
proclamation opening certain Indian
lands to settlement Over 100000 ap-
plIcants have filed for 10000 claims
and the press dispatches tell us that
Of this vast number many are Amos.
penniless and that few are artisans
They are simply homeless people seek
Ing homes, Yet the major assures us
that the country Is well employed,
that labor Is everywhere busy at good
wages, Then whence come these $780,
600 poyerty-strickeh creatures who are
already suffering deplorable privation?
And what becomes Of the theory that
disemployed labor will not use land
even when land Is available? Thu
Philadelphia Inquirer might gnaw on
this file for moment, but 1t will not
1t will talk about the weather. But
we hope that the significance Of the
scenes now enaCtlng in the west will
not be lost upon thoughtful people
who have hitherto accepted the mon
strous notion that men would rather
tramp than work. There is ample
proof Of the utter falsity Of this stupid
proposition In the pltlful attempt OF
these 100000 homeless souls to find op-
portunity to toll where opportunity OK
lists for but 10000,
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22
Money Made in Garbage.

A problem that has engaged the at
tention of the legislative bodies Of
most American cities is what to dc
with the garbage-how to get rid Of
n at the least expense to the public
The city of Washington so disposes
OF It's garbage that profit is got out
OF 1t, while most other American cit
tes-being less carefully governed
nave to pay largely for It's removal
There is contract with company
which collects the garbage and dis
poses of 1t. The garbage is kept sep
hrate from ashes and other refuse. In
iron tanks 1t is taken by rail thirty
miles down the Potomac to the reduc-
tion works. Here II Is sorted. Tin
pans. bottles, etc., are removed. The
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22

Five years ago the Baltimore G. Ohio
railroad was turned over to Uncle Sam
financial wreck and he was requested
to run 1t, as the stockholders were not
satisfied with the way the directors
were handling the matter--in fact, It
was not paying dividends. Uncle Sam
kindly consented to do the thing for
the discouraged firm, and few days
ago, when 1t was turned over to the
new owners, 1t was found that Uncle
Sam, through his hired men-the re-
ceivers--had increased the mileage
from 1000 to 5000; net earnings had
been doubled, while the business had
been increased nearly twofold, And
still we are told that Uncle Sam can't
do things. Appeal to Reason.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22

The death OF ex-Gov. Hubbard OF
Texas recalls an amusing incident of
the Adullamite convention at Cincln-
natl In February. 1887.
Preceding the conference out OF
which grew the Union Labor party
great meeting under the auspices OF
the Knights OF Labor was held In
Music Hall, Over 10000 tickets at 10
cents each were sold for this meeting,
which was In honor Of Henry George,
When the latter rose to speak he faced
one OF the greatest crowds that was
ever gathered In that vast auditorium
Thousands of people had not been able
to get inside the doors.
Mr. George was at his very best that
night There was antagonism enough
In the crowd to arouse him to his
keenest efforts and he spoke with tre-
mendous effect, At the very first
word he had caught the vast crowd.
DR.. DeBeck presided over the meeting
and In introducing Mr.. George he
made an alluslon to the forthcoming
conference OF men who were gathering
to find out what they wanted. The
doctor said that the man who was about
to speak knew what he wanted and
how to get 1t,
Or DeBeck Is right" cried Henry
George, as he stepped to the front OF
the stake amid n tumult Of applause.
I'VE do know what we want. We want
the earth!" The effect was electrical
and II was Ave minutes before the
speaker colhd proceed.
Mr.. George spoke for nm hour and a
half and then called for questions, In
stantly a score OF people were on their
feet, clamorlng for recognition. Mr..
George recognized each In his turn, az
fairly as possible, beginning at his
right, But there was one individual at
the left Of the center aisle who was
not content 10 wait his turn. He was
tall and lanh. A white neck-tie gave
him a clerical aspect He stood upon
chair and howled at the top Of O
rather squeaky voice:
Mr. George Mr., George Mr.
George!"
Mr.. George tried to wave him down
while he was answering questions from
the right OF the center aisle. But the
man on the chair kept yelling:
"Mr, George! Mr.. George!! Mr.
George!" Friends pulled at his long
coat-tails in vain.
Finally Mr., George turned to him
with, "Well, what Is III"
"Mr. George" shouted the man OF
the chair, while the audience strained
eyes and necks and ears. "Mr. George
want to ask you question"
"All right" said Mr. George. "Wha
is III"
"Mr, George" he said, speaking will
tremendous impresslveness, Suppose
that owned all the money in the
world and that you owned all the land
l would like to ask you, sir, what you
would dor
quick as an electric fash came the
reply;
I'D give you notice to quit"
That was all. The questloner, who
was ex-Gov Hubbard, was the only
man In the big audience who failed tC
catch the point. The house roared and
yelled and shouted and let pandemo,
mum loose. The scene was extraor.
binary. Hubbard still stood on his
chair and waved his hands until friends
pulled him down by main strength II
was not until next day that the Texan
caught on.
Mr. George did not attend the Adul.
lamite conference which tried to find
out what 1t wanted.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22
MUCH IN LITTLE.

BY October / Washington will be re-
ceivlng It's water supply from 4 new
reservoir.
Deciduous trees are shedding their
leaves six weeks earlier than in ordi-
MY seasons.
The Irish river, in Siberia, is 1900
miles in length and drains 100000
miles Of territory.
Before the war broke out there were
1877 gold mining companies doing bust
ness In the Transvaal.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22

rest is placed in close iron vessel
and subjected to steam pressure, after
which 1t is pumped into tanks and al
lowed to settle. Oils and fats rise to
the surface and, being SKINNED off,
are sold to slRapmakers. Under pres
sure more oil Is obtained, to 80 the
same way. The caked garbage, after
pressure, is pulverlzed and sold for
fertilizer, Incidental profits arise
from the sale Of hides Of horses and
other animals and the manipulation OF
their carcasses along with the gar
bage. The horse hides make good rus
set leather. A good monthly profit Is
said to be realized.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22

A Salvation Army artist wrote on
billboard in letters foot high What
shall do to be saved?" A patent
medicine painter answered 1t by put
ting underneath 1t: Take Carter's
Little Liver Pills" The Salvationlst
saw the joke and again used his brush
effectively under the cruel joke of the
medicine faker by painting, "And pre-
pare to meet thy Cod" Il
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22
UNITED STATES CONSULATE AT COLON.
Holm 10 Support John BulI.

At rough estimate the total amount
Of income taxes which Americans in
England are compelled to pay for John
Bulls support is s5,OOO,OOO a year. All
whose incomes are below $500 a year
escape free.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22
PhiIadeIphIa's Vote.

The vote of Philadelphia at the
spring election was: Republican, 1877
900; Democratic, 10000; Reform, 49,
900; Prohibition. 9SS. and Socialist.
842.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22

Every time you turn your eyes on
evil Its shadow falls on your heart.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1901-08-22
HUBBARD DIDN'T SEE.
MAKES POINT At THE EXPENSE OF
THE TEXAN.

funny Incident OF the AdullAmlte Gather,
Ing Of 1887 and ono That Has
nm Educational valus--IIenry Georges
Logic.