Hot Springs weekly star. (Hot Springs, S.D.) 1892-1917, 1901-08-30

9 @::A=@&

M ~SNNN%O~ F
Miss Richman-He is the light Of my
life, pa. Mr.. Richman-Well, perhaps
he is. I notice; that he saves gas bills.
Judge.
Judge-You say the defendant turned
whistled to the dog. What follow
ed? Intelligent Witness--The dog, sor.
-Tit-Bits.
HE has the reputation of being q
very candid man." well, yes, he's y.
tremely candid in admitting the faults
Of others. "-Philadelphia Press.
Indignant: Bizzer-Come and go fish
ing. Buzzer-How dare you ask me to-
go fishing on Sunday; besides, 1 have
to play golf.-Ohio State Journal.
Husband-I wonder what we shall
wear in heaven? Wife-Well, If YOU
get there, John, l imagine most of us
will wear surprised l~ooks.-Smart Set.
do YOU believe in long or short en-
g~agements" asked Miss Frocks of
Miss kittish. "Sllort engagements and
plenty III rhem," was the reply.-De-
troit Free Press.
Mr.. Poore-WiL nothing induce you
to marry? Miss Witte-On the con
trary. 1t is the nothing you have
which induces me not to marry.-De-
troit Free Press.
"Willie, whom did George Washing
ton marry" 1.-The widow Custis,
ma'am." Had he any children?"
"Yes'm-the Sons and Daughters Of
the Revolution."-Life.
Blzzer-Those safety pins are great
inventions. Buzzer-Are they? Bizzer-
You bet; our baby swallows one every
once in a While and they never faze
him.-Ohio State Journal.
Description: ibid you hear what
Judy Gibbs said?' "No; what was it?'
"She said the new bride next door to
them has the most elegant repertoire
Of shirt-waists she ever saw."-Chicago
Record-Herald.
"Oh, YES" said the ice magnate,
'there will be a time when the poor
may have all the free ice they want
"And when will that be-" asked the
delighted listener. "Next winter."-
Baltimore American.
Don't you think a man ought to be
liberal in his political views?" Ger
tainly." answered Senator Sorghum.
"In my opinion a man can't hope to get
very far along these days by being
stingy.'"-Washington Star.
"Hello!" cried the bore, busting into
the great mans Office. "%anything new?"
you're always looking for something
new and fresh, aren't youY' said the
long-suffering victim. "Sure!" "Well,
why don't you carry Il pocket mirrorY"
Philadelphia Press.
Not Yet Ready to Quit: 81 suppose"
said the doctor, as he carefully bound
up the stump of Sammy's amputated
arm, "that you will not shoot off toy
II IN the next Fourth" why
not?" replied Sammy: II have n arm
left yet."-Harlem Life.
"See here.' exclaimed an angry man
to a horse dealer; you said that horse
l bought of you yesterday hadn't a sin
gle fault; and now l find he is blind
of one eye" ooh" replied the dealer.
calmly; that's not a fault; it's a mis-
fortune."-Chicago Daily News.
Caller-You must be a very honest
boy, Remus, not to go near the majors
closet when you know he keeps his
brandy in there. Remus-'Tain't so
much de honesty, sab, but yo' see ah
dun heard it told dat de major has a
skeleton in his Observation-Disclosures
Record.
Merely Buying: Mrs. Jones-What's
your hurry? You're not off for the sea-
shore now? Mrs. Smith-No, not until
tomorrow. I'm going downtown now.
Mrs. housekeeping? Mrs. Smith
No, 1 haven't time for that, there's SO
many things l simply have to buy
Philadelphia Press.
Wife with a determined air)-I want
to see that letter. Husband-What let
ter? Wife-That one you just opened.
1 know by the handwriting that It is
from a woman. md you turned pale
when you read it. l will see it. Give it
to me, sir. Husband-Here it is; it's
your milliner's bill.-Fun.
Just the Same: Bobby-Mamrna, IL
God is as good as you say he is, why
doesn't lie always answer our prayers?
Mamma-He does, Bobby, when they
deserve to be answered. Bobby-Well,
I prayed that 1 might not steal any
more jam out of the buffers pantry
but it didn't make any difference
Life.
"He's quite a prominent politician
here, is he not?" inquired the visiting
Briton. "Oh, no; he's a statesman"
replied the native. well, what's the
d~ifference?' "a statesman, my dear
sir, is one who is in politics because
he has money. A politician is one who
has money because he is in politics.
Philadelphia Press.
Accommodating: "Come back as
soon as possible" said her mistress to
Maggie, who was going home in re-
Spouse to a telegram saying her mother
roc I'll ssX-nc v,,,,,o - Dvopofeo5 No.