Connecticut western news., 1901-01-24
MY M|CROD|AN DINNER ] How . Man Thought He Could Do
 woman's Work and Was Disappointed. BY CATHERINE LOUISE SMITH.


 II wonder, Thaddeus," said my wife doubtfully, giving me searchlight look, If you could get your own dinner tonight. l want to go to meeting of the Suffrage club, and the maid Is go- Ing out"
 Now, 1t has always seemed to me that the more a man asserts his inde- pendence the better. felt pretty doubtful about that dinner, but I wasn't going to let Maria know had any qualms. I remembered. too, had managed well at bachelor housekeep- Ing for few weeks. I had everything convenient; never made the beds be- cause 1t was so we'll to let them air thoroughly, and because I believed In consolidation and that in union there Is strength did not wash my dishes, but let them collect and the day before my mother returned put them in a tub and turned the hose on them.
 The success of this venture embold- ened me to try again, but for reasons best known to my own soul 1 did not tell Maria. simply said could man. age and would really enjoy the novel performance of getting my own dinner and that 1t would by no means prove fatal. I resolved two things firmly spective of the germ theory. microbes and bacilli and that the dinner should be at 6 o'clock promptly. This not hav- ing meals on time. I felt was all non- sense, and while Maria was away was surely the time to indulge In microbes, for she feared them so she had given me a restricted diet. That day I left the office at o'clock. I had been think ing at intervals during the day what I should have for that dinner. I even meditated corned beef, cabbage, mince pie and doughnuts. All of them would make myself after left the office.
 I procured on the way home the necessary supplies. An allurlng dis play met my eyes. l went into the market and purchased a nice plate piece of corned beef I was about to tell the butcher I would carry It with me for my 6 o'clock dinner when the butcher, who knew me pretty we'll, assured me that the corned beef had to boil number of hours to be done. In the reaction which followed this an nouncement I remembered "that he could send 1t for the next day; had meant that all along" and I hastily purchased some oysters and lamb chops. "I will have oyster soup for the first course" said l to myself. "and chops and tomatoes for the second. If that won't be good. don't know what | will"
 It was o'clock when 1 got home. It was so lonely without Maria that l thought had better start the dinner at once; besides, l wanted that meal at 6 o'clock sharp. Maria had about | bothered the life out of me by not | having meals on time. I lighted the burners on the gas stove, and decided to make biscuit, mince pie and doughnuts. besides cooking the oysters and the meat. By 5:30 was | just enjoying the thing. had the milk for the oysters contentedly boiling on | one of the burners, and the others had been blazing for some time, all ready | for use when wanted. The first thing did was to find cookbook. l ran down the index through pump kin. lemon. carrot, custard. until I got to mince pie. This I read carefully Then I sadly closed the book. Mince pie required cold meat, apples and a thousand other things and could not be made in an impromptu manner and at 6 I must have that dinner. felt distressed, but there were still the doughnuts. was just In the midst of discovering it would take at least a good two hours to make doughnuts | when, by thunder, didn't that milk boil over! felt like going through the whole litany. I rushed to the stove seized my clean handkerchief and had just made up my mind that the milk must be done enough for the oysters when l discovered the handkerchie1 was done also.
 The crisis being past. I decided tC make my biscuit. l thought this time I would not consult the cookbook. fol 1t was getting along toward 6, and fl
 took too long to hunt up recipes. put a great deal of flour in a smal bowl, dumped in some water. and pro ceeded to mold 1t all into shape al had seen Maria often do. In tn, interim I talked to myself.
 'I know all about this" I said witl
 pride, you just stir until 1t gets thu consistency of cream, put in pincl
 of salt and flavor to taste. That
 what they always say. l have read i
 hundreds of times. I can't fail.
 shall just slap them into tin pan ant | hot, f,, tI | RaIf |
 succeeding so we'll that l actually be
 gan to hum. when suddenly 1t occurred
 to me to wonder If one greased th
 tins. "When in doubt don't grease,
 l said to myself. and 1 quickly deco
 rated the pans with dabs of dough.
 Five minutes later I had a sckenin;
 feeling. for Maria had never told m
 about the oven. felt sure, however
 that. being a man, I would understan,
 any such mechanical contrivance a
 gas stove. l wondered what unde
 the sun possessed the inventor of
 gas stove to put the oven down nea
 the floor. am rather a portly mar
 and getting down on my knees t
 look into that old oven wasn't an easy
 thing. I turned on the gas and wen
 for the match. When 1 came bacl
 and crawled on my hands and knee
 to light the jet-great heavens!-al
 explosion occurred that sent me hal
 across the room. In the middle of 1
 all l heard that internal milk boiling
 over again.
 The greatest of natures, whel
 aroused, sometimes become terrible. felt murderous. I also felt despei
 ate. gradually approached that ovei