Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1901-04-13

THRIVE ON IT-Uncle Josh-M.an
to tell me that when l sit in a draft
an git cold, that cold is caused Tx
microbes?
/ Uncle Silas-Of course. It's caused
oy microbes that like to sit in n draft.
Puck.
| NO HEAD FOR FIGURES.-"Is
every hair in your head numbered,
grandpa
! Yes. my child
! Well. grandpa" said the little fell
low. as he contemplated the great bald
spot. you haven't got much of a mead
for figures. '-Yonkers Statesman.
BAD SIGN.-Clara-I am afraid
mat Charley Stretcher isn't going to
make good husband for Sadie.
Maud-Why not?
tlara-She tells me that when they
came back from their wedding trip he
had some money left.-Puck.
REASONABLY SAFE.-Bil!-Whil
IN New York / wanted policeman.
and J looked in every direction. ,ut
could not see one. AS was lcav-
ing. one suddenly appeared behind me.
W here do you suppose he came
from?
misunderstanding. l guess it's a
| sale bet that he came from Irclanl-
fOnkers Statesman.
REASON ENOUGH.-Jack's Nam
ma-There were three slices OF cake in
the cupboard. Jack, and now there are
only two. How does that happen?
Jack-It was so dark in there.
mamma. that | didn't see the others.
What to Eat.
ABSENT TREATMENT.-T can
Grand so you're going abroad. FOR
your health?
oh. not for my health. For my
husbands. l am going to give him
absent treatment" Life.
Briggs-''Clingston said when he
married Miss Foxey that he thought
her father had money to burn. and lie
was right" Griggs-"What did the
old man do?" Burned up the check
he gave them for a wedding present.
Life.
She (plaintively)-"Oh, Harry. would
it never occur to you that we have
occupied this fiat one year and three
months?" He-'I fully realize it.
Didn't l agree with you the other day
when you said it was as near perfec-
ton as n fiat could possibly be and
that we had never been as comforta-
BILE any where?" She-"Of course / do
like it. but we have lived here over a
year! Don't you think that is long
enough to-" He (resignediy)-
Yes. l think it is quite long enough
to be suited and comfortable and at
rest, Shall we go out and look for
another place tomorrow" She (calm-
ly)-'I found one this morning. Life.
And do these Indian girls never
evince a tendency to relapse into their
former savagery?' Tears sprang to
the eyes of the mission worker. "Ah.
yes!" sighed she. ''Only last evening
they set the table without putting doy-
lies under the finger bowls" But it
was plain that she was by no mems
disheartened. for presently a brave
smile chased the shadows from her
fine sensitive face.-Detroit Journal.
The Pleasure of Anticipation
ChOlly-''After this. they'll get out
the paper on Thursday intead of Tues
day? That's deucedly annoying. l
! look forward to it so!"' News Dealer
But that will give you two days
more to look forward to it.
What do you think of woman
| who persists in lavishing her affcc-
| tons on a pet poodle?" Il think such
| y woman has no consideration for the
dogs feelings."-Ohio State Journal.
| A Successful Ruse.-There was
once an astute manager of dramat-
| ic company. which playing to about
| ten dollars a night. Now the astute
manager argued to himself: There
will have to be something doing here
pretty suddenly. or it will be case
of HE to the friendly inn. for we can
not eat paper mache turkey. SO ne
mt out the S. r. o. sign and refused
to let anyone into the theater that
evening. Next day there was Inc
of people reaching from the box office
70 the edge of the town. Moral III
Won carry something besides haif
under your hat you do not need 10
Idramatize a novel or take milk baths.
-Raltfmore American.
FINANCIAL. MERRY-GO-ROt Nj