The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1901-10-04

Just why the average woman Is un-
happy unless at the close of each sum-
mer rugs and carpets receive thorough
trouncing is one OF the mysteries that
the man intellect can never comprehend
Man knows that woman says that the
performance is intended TO remove the ac-
cumulation OF dust and 10 smite out those
noxious germs which in close,wsrm rooms
during the winter might come out OF their
prisons and develop. like the genii in the
spring comes woman is just as anxious
to have the carpets again belabored, Civ
ing II as her opinion that the mud gath
cred during the winter will combine with
the hot summer sun TO disastrously affect
the health of the family. Man, who is
the chief victim OF this mania for health
preservation curves the germ theory ana
regrets ofttimes that civilization has
made IL bad torn to cudgel the foolish
ness out OF the feminine heads as be does
the dust from the unoffending carpet.
Woman knows the mind of man. or
thinks she does. and therefore she never
apprisrs fIcr victim IN advance or the fact
that carpets are TO beaten. Man. iuno-
cent and unsuspecting, comes home whist
ling a liRhtsome refrain TO he prostrated
by an announcement something like this
John. Mary and have been taking up
the carpets all day and We would like
YOU to go out To the rear this evening and
use Que OF YOU now golf sticks. I'm
sure IL will he splendid exercise for you.
John begins by declaring that he will
not beat carpets. but feminine zeal ana
feminine guile win. as they have won
year after year. John Is given par
ticular good dnner--it IL customary for
the exeucutioner 10 feed the victim well
before the sacridce-and. cheered by his
meal. emerges into the back yard or the
vacant lot where his muscle. gained In
many n suIlmer tourney upon the golf
SAYS Mrs. John TO Mary, her faithful
domestic:
"instead OF paving a man 10 do that
work can spend the money II would
cost at MaoSticken's next bargain sale
And besides IL will DO John lot Of good
to exercise an the nice fresh air. after his
day OF confinement I'm that close office.
John lifts his arm aloft TO smite the car
pet. IL II right smart stroke Tor he
is conscious that some of the neighbors
are looking out OF their windows. aud he
wants them TO understand that his repu-
alton as "A summer golf Sampson Is welt
deserved whirlwind Of dust flares out
OF the carpet which. unless he is agile.
swings hack and buffets him In the face
aud chest with the force OF Young bat
tcring ram. and he grovels on the earth.
swallowing huge mouthfuls az the swirl
ing microbes AZ every breath. Then he
arises and mauls the carpet until u Is
wonder that thread OF 10 Is left when
hc throws down the beatcr.
So absorbed In his work Is he that he
does not hear the mutterings OF dissatis-
faction that foat from the open windows
from which neghbors view his lahors
-is-- hs.4.ss---l...4-l- = ftaE-elaud dust
from the carpet uovn the windows with
terrific thuds untn every neighbor's fam
ily slt in an alright house eNchanglng
unnatteriug opinions Of hts activity.
When the last rug has received its meed
90 scourging John looks up 10 the win
dows where the ueiehbors little boys
are fatteninr their noses and thanking
their stars that their pas have not the