The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-28
TALES OF CLOAK-ROOM
 TOLD BY CHAMP CLARK
A Peculiar Sort of Sermon Astonishing Actions Of COrpSe--COlored Preachers Novel Treat
 ment of Familiar Text.

Some people use big words appropri- ately and inappropriately in order to appear to possess great learning. Oth- CTS use them inappropriately, as mat ter of amusement.
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 An Astonishing Sort of Sermon.
 Dr. Greene, president of William Jewell College at Liberty, Mo-, invaria- bly, breaches a baccalaureate sermon to his graduating class on the Sunday im- mediately preceding the commence ment exercises. He is a very able man and the people of Missouri, without any reference to politics or religion take great pride in him. At Liberty there also lives a very bright lawyer who uses very large words for the pur- pose of astonishing people.
 A year or so ago, after pr. Greene had delivered a famous baccalaureate sermon. somebody asked this lawyer what he thought of 1t. whereupon he replied. its the greatest bacchanalian sermon that I ever heard"
 On another occasion this lawyer was addressing a jury for the defense in a murder case. Like a great many other lawyers, he put himself in the place of his client, and instead of saying that the deceased did so and SO and said so and so to his client he would say "he did it to us." So in a great burst of eloquence he said: ''The deceased cut us; he beat us; he stabbed us; he choked us; he called us a liar a scoun- drel and other appropriate epitaphs!"
 JE .& s.s
 Judge Boulware's Cheerful Mourn
 CTS.
 If am elected to Congress in the new Ninth district of Missouri, created &C., cording to what my friend pr. Bar thoidt pronounces, by an outrageous gerrymander. one of my most distin- guished constituents will be Judge J. w. Boulware of Fulton. Judge Boul- ware is one of the greatest criminal lawyers in Missouri. and has been un- usually successful in the practice.
 Like all other great advocates. he has met with some crushing disappoint- ments. He tells the following anecdote at his own expense: Some years ago." says the judge, "I was engaged in de- lending a man for murder down in Osage county. It was a very tough case, and in order to prevent the ma n from being hanged I brought into play all the arts of which I was capable. In order to help me along when I came to the pathetic part of my speech, had the defendant clad in mourning. the wife and six or eight children of brought into court and seated at con- venient distance behind me. In my peroration became as pathetic as pos sible and pumped for tears with all my might. In order to make more forcible the heart melting appeal that I was making to the jury I turned around to the woman and her children and said. Gentlemen of the jury look at these!" l looked myself. and every internal one of them was crunching a stick of red circus candy as unconcernedly as if the man on trial for his life was no kin to them. I was so amazed and dis gusted that I forgot the rest Of my speech and stammered out, Gentlemen of the jury. take the case.' They not only took my case, but they took my client also.'
 Wm. H. Wallace, Orator and Humor-
 Recently I went over 70 Fulton. the capital of Galloway county, which has been added to the Ninth district on a sort of missionary expedition. That is the seat of Westminster college, the great Presbyterian college of Missouri One night I attended 4,an1let Of the alumni. Among the speakers was Hon. William H. Wallace of Kansas City. who won imperishable rcnown by his great speech in prosecuting Frank James for murder Wallace is now an avowed candidate to succaad George Graham Vest in the Senate Of the Unit ed States. He is a splendid lawyer. a brilliant orator. possessed of a great deal of wit and hum0r. He delivered a speech which he entitled Some Thoughts on Extemporaneous Speak ing" It was made up almost entirely of string of the funniest anecdotes that I ever heard. Among other things he said: Once upon a time there was a colored preacher who took for his text. The devil goes about like a roaring lion. seeking whom he may devour.' In announcing his subject he said 'Breth- ern and sistern. I will divide my text into three parts-first. Who am her sec- ond. Where are he goin? third, What in the duce am he roarin about?'"
 He followed that up with the follow ing about colored man who went to a circus for the first time in antebellum days. When he returned home his mas ter said. How did you like the clrcus?" "Oh. fust rate," replied the colored man. Did you see the tiger?" Yes. sah; l sag the tiger" What did won think of him?" "I dunno much bout tigers. but he seemed to me to be a re-
 
 the lion?" Yes. sah; I saw the lion" What did you think of him?" T dun no much bout lions. but he 'peared to me to be all right" Did you see the elephant?" Yes, sah; l saw the ele- phant." What did you think of him ?" He 'peared to be all right, except that he seemed to have too much surplus leather in the seat of his breeches!"
 Now. it is known by all intelligent people in the United States that among his most noble endoWments of mind none has contributed more to Senator Vests fame than his wealth of wit and humor. If Wallace succeeds him he will maintain the high standard which Senator Vest has erected
 Incidentally it may be remarked that the fight to succeed Vest bids fair to be a battle royal. In politics as well as in religion many are Called, ht few are chosen.
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 Hon. Dorsey W. Shackleford, Jurtst. Hon. William M. Williams of Boon the Supreme Court of Missouri. is a close friend to Judge Shacklesora, who represents the famous Bland distric. in Congress. In fact Judge Williams and Shackleford were boys together. Sudge Williams likes to indulge h reminis- cences about Shack" as he is Eamil- iarly called. He says that he met Judge Shackleford shortly 2fter the latter re- tired from the bench 10 enter upon lis congressional life. Judge Shackleford