Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1901-05-24
GRAVE AND GAY.

GRAVE AND GAY.
A frog, a duck, a lamb and a
polecat started for the circus.
When they arrived all were able
to pay the admission fee, except
the poor polecat, who was COM
PEELED to crawl under the canvas.
This is how it was: The frog had
a greenback, the duck had a bill
and the lamb had four quarters,
but the polecat had only a scent
it was bad.
A printer recently tried his
hand at farming, but couldn't
make things work right, and is
now back at the cease" He had
a "wrong-font'' team-a mule
and a horse-that wouldn't s'jus-
tify.'' He said the farmer
.sfired" him after he had s'pied'
three or four columns" of pota-
toes. He showed his limited ex-
perience in asking the farmers
wife if she wanted the hens ''set"
'.lcaded" or :ssolid.''
You may help a dog out of
trouble and no matter what kind
of a dog he is-city dog, country
dog, big dog, little dog, educa-
ted dog, or illiterate, aristo-
cratic or plebe, and he will wag
his tail into paralysis and ex-
haust every muscle in his body
trying to tell you that every
drop of blood in his veins is at
your service. Help a man out
of ditch and what he will do
for you afterward depends great
ly on his breed. There are plenty
of men who are not near as good
as a dog in more respects than
one.
1t is being told for purposes of
laughter, perhaps, that the ques-
ton of the relative merits of law
yers and editors as to veracity
arose recently at a social affair
where both professions were
about equally represented. Each
of course claimed the honOrs,
but the final settlement of the
question was left to represen-
tative of each side. These rep
resentatives were to prepare
essays and to submit them to a
committee. The best essay would
decide the question. And this
was the prize essay: "There is
one editor in heaven, though how
he got there the Lord only
knows, but it is supposed he rode
in on the blind baggage or got a
| pass. When they found him
there they tried to turn him out,
but he refused to go. Then they
hunted all over heaven for a law
yer to serve him with ejectment
papers, but they could not find
one. So the editor held the fort
and he is there to this day.
Some years ago a Kansas man
and number from other states
were travelling West. The Kan
sas man would occasionally
break forth as follows: 81 have
the best improved farm you ever
saw and you will say SO your.
self when you see it. Kansas
ahead" and then, 81 have the
smartest wife and children you
ever saw and you will say SO
yourself when you see them.
And | have the best horses, cat
tie and hogs you ever saw and
you will say SO yourself when
you see them. Kansas still
ahead" etc., ETC., etc. Finally
his companions succeeded in get
ting him hog drunk in a western
town. They carried him out OF
town and laid him in a valley
where they deposited all dead
dogs, hogs, horses, cattle, etc.,
where the ground was covered
with bleached bones and they
hid themselves and awaited de
velopments. When he had slept
off his debauch he rose up looked
around and exclaimed; "The
day of Judgment has come, and
l am the first to raise up from
the dead, Kansas is still ahead. +"
FIVE hundred cases of 'sbottled
hops" were delivered to the two
leading hotels at Hutchinson
during the recent meeting of the