davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
a. y,t.e. With n Moral.

"Dmil le civil war; said an ex-
army Off ne authorities for some
reason were anxious to move troops up
the Tombigbee river. Word was sent
to the engineer in that district asking
what it would cost 10 run UP the Tom
bigbee. That official got gay and re-
ported that the Tombigbee ran down
and not up, joke that promptly land
ed his head in the basket. as the mat
ter was serious.
cat the bombardment of Charleston
it was extremely desirable to bring to
bear on the city an extra heavy gun
called by the men the Swamp Angel.
The gun took its name from the swamp
in which it stood, and to move it
through that GOggy morass was an en-
gineering feat of extreme difficulty.
However the commanding officers We're
determined to have the gun brought
within range of Charleston and issued
orders to that effect. At the same time
they sent word to the engineer having
the matter in charge of requisitiOn
without regard to trouble or expense
for anything necessary to accomplish
the desired object His first requisi-
ton called for men 26 feet 6 inches in
height. Another officer promptly took
the matter in charge. from which it can
readily be deduced that it is not a pay
ing investment to make jokes in the
army at the expense of your superiors."
New York Tribune
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
A Confrnst In Cooks.

In an article contributed TO a London
paper John Strange Winter. who has
been living for many months past in
Dieppe. compares the French to the
English cook, rather to the detriment
of the latter. I'm the French Kitchen"
she says. there is no waste. 1t would
seem that the French mind does not
run to waste or revel in it as the lower
class English mind invariably does"
The French cook will not only do a
bit of the hOusework. but she will do it
cheerfully and as matter of course.
You cannot buy your French cook too
many pans, and her soul loves copper
in her kitchen. Certainly an English
cook would grumble if she was expect
ed to keep kitchen full of copper pans
bright and clean. but French one has
them in a condition akin to FURNISHED
gold. Her pride is gratitied if her
kitchen walls are hung with these or
naments, and even if she does the
greater part of her small cooking in
little enameled pans she will daily rub
up the copper ones which hang on the
wall"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
a Long Sennrntinn.

"Home again ut last, darling"
"John, dearest, you don't look a day
older"
Il must Centuries can't roll over a
mans head without leaving traces"
ut was ages and ages, wasn't it?
And, oh, John, how lonesome / have
BEEN
You poor little WHEY! If ever l
have to 80 way again, you shall go
with me. But you're more beautiful
than ever, sweet one. What have you
been doing with yourself all the time
l was away"
thinking of you. darling, and long
ing and longing for you to come home"
IF that is the secret of beauty, /
ought to have grown perfect Adonis.
And you're sure you recognized me
straight off without thinking at least
a minute?"
"Of course. you old dear. DO you
suppose ] could ever forget you?'
Good gracious! 1t doesn't seem pos
sible that I've been away only since
the day before yesterday. does it,
sweetheart
Not a bit more, husband mine. than
that we have actually been married a
whole month tomorrow. "-Pearson's
Weekly.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
How the Discussion Ended.

It was whispered in Washington that
as the Montague Browns We're not
as rich as other members of the smart
set they had to practice economy
where it did not show. But tonight
there was certainly no hint of econo
my anywhere There were strawber
ries. dollhouse grown, and terrapin and
canvasback duck, though both were
exorbitant in the market. The hand
some tablecloth had been ruthlessly
cut. and through the opening q cluster
of American Beauty roses, their stems
on the floor shot up two feet above
the table. 1t was the most effective
table decoration of the winter.
Mrs. Montague Brown, young, pref
ty and ambitious. smiled a smile Of
rare pleasure. She reflected compla-
Gently that she had captured cabinet
officer for this dinner. The converse
ton was bowling along smoothly, and
she leaned forward to listen. The
guest of honor was speaking:
And still | insist that no woman
can do society all the time without
neglecting her household and children
Not at all" smiled Mrs. Montague.
81 think l can persuade you to the
contrary if you She paused. observ.
ing that he was staring with wide
open eyes at the doorway. \ tiny.
half clad figure stood there.
Mamma. Mary's in the kitchen. and
un't find my mighty" piped Mon
tague Brown, Jr.-Harper's Magazine.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
Broken Bric-a-bracs.

Mr. Major, the famous cement man. OF
New York explains some very 1ntereStIn &
facts about Majors Cement.
The multitudes who use this standard al
ticle know that it is many hundred per cent
better than other dement's for which similar
claims are made. out a great many do not
know why. The simple reason is that Mr..
Major uses the best material ever discover
ed and other manufacturers do not use
them. because they are too expensive and
do not allow large profits. Mr.. Major tells
US that one of the elements of his cement
costs SO. IS pound. and another costs = 50
a gallon, while large share of the So-called
cementS and liquid glue upon the market
are nothing more than SiXteen-Cent glue.
dissolved in water or Cltrlc aC1d,and in some
cases altered slightly in color and Odor by
the addition OF cheap and useless materials.
Majors cement retails at fifteen cents and
TWENTY-FIVE cents bottle. and when deal
er tries TO sell 81 bstitute you can depend
upon il that that his only object is to make
a large profit.
The profit on Majors cement is as much
as anv dealer ought to make on any cement.
that each dealer gets his share of the bene-
fit of Ny. Majors advertising, which now
amounts to over 5000 a month. throughout
the country. Established in 1876.
Insist on having Majors. Don't accept
anv offhand advice from druggist.
If YOU are at all handy land you will be
likely to find that YOU are good deal more
so than you imagine YOU can repair your
rubber boots and family shoes, and any 9th
er ru bier and leather articles. with Ma or :
Rubber Cement and Major Leather Gem
eut
And YOU Will be surprised at how many
dollars year YOU Will thus save 80
BET YOUR druggist can't supply YOU II Will
; forwarded by mail either kind Free q
eItage.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17

The manner in which one defaultinc
cashier was detected was ratler pecul-
lar. 1t was I'LL due 10 tie curiosity of
the women n Lis neighborhood. He
went to no expense in the way of dress
ing, they never heard of his gambling
or drinking to any extent. he was a
model huSba4d, but he loved a good
table. There was nothing unusual in
this. but one day when the ladies of
the vicinity were discussing the best
method of cooking meats the wife of
the cashier declared very innocently
that her husband do,ed on ham. but he
would not eat il unless it had been
boiled in champagne. Boiled in cham
payne" exclaimed the listeners. "Heav-
ems, how expensive, We couldn't af-
ford to have ham or our table often if
we cooked it that way"
1t was soon noised all around the
neighborh1od that Cashier Blank was
a high liver indeed and the men began
telling of his uplifted ideas of cookery.
This soon reached the ears of the di-
rectors of the bank. and they conclud-
ed it might be wise to investigate the
accounts of such nm epicure Plain
water WAS all they could afford for
their hams. So the champagne lover
was called up and subsequently rele-
gated to the pen where he had to fore
go his pet dish for many many weary
days.-LOuisyilleT Times.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17

He was descanting with vigor on the
exceptional quality Of the dinners that
are served at one of the fashionable
clubs Of Brooklyn at Il very low figure
for a first class meal on Mondays,
Tuesdays and Thursdays. Equally
toothsome luncheons could be had on
other days of the week, but dinners in
course only on those days.
'And why OH only those three daysE'
queried the New Yorker. to whom the
delights of life in Brooklyn We're being
rehcarsed
Wash day. ironing day and the girls
day out" quickly responded one of the
ladies of the party. That's no sort Of
a conundrum to a woman who has ever
had the care of house. Better try a
harder one next time unless you hap
pen to be in a stag party. New York
Times.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
Another Romance spoiIed.

"Ten a good story and stick to it."
is an old maxim that is Illustrated in a
story that is going the rounds along
the Rialto. a certain Gwell known
actor fioared into his home one morn
ing about O'Clock. The wife of his
bosom was waiting UP for him. He
told her he had been out all the even
ing with one of their friends, Charlie
B., and then related an interesting
fairy story of how Charlie had taken
a crowd TO supper, how funny Char
lie had been all the evening. how
well Charlie looked in his new suit,
how he said this, that and the other
After telling a l. minute story, to
which the gentle partner of his joys
and out of work periods listened with
respectful attention. but cynical mien.
he paused for breath. Then she. in a
confident now I've got you tone, said:
That's a lovely romance you've been
giving me, and l hate to spoil it. but
Charlie has been here nearly all the
evening waiting to see you about an
engagement. He left only about half
an hour ago"
The teller of the tale looked rather
dazed for a moment as if he had been
struck. Then quickly gathering him
self together he assumed a bold front,
with hands in his pockets, head thrown
back and. in defiant innocence and en-
phasizing each word, said:
"Well. that's my story, and I'm not
going to change it for anybody. Clip
per.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
AARON BURR'S MAGNETISM.
He Conquered All Feminine Hearts
without an Effort.

"From the time the beautiful and
brilliant Nine. JumeI had been Il young
girl and when Aaron Burr was only
a captain in the American army she
had been more than once under the
spell of his strange fascination" writes
William Perrine in The Ladies' Home
Journal. Burr had introduced her TO
the celebrated Margaret Moncrieff. had
desperately fiirted with her and had
implanted within her an admiration
which was still alive when he was
an aged social exile. She had written
of him in earlier days that he appeared
to her to be the perfection of man
hood that his figure and form had
been fashioned in the mold of the
graces and that he was as familiar
with the drawing room as with the
camp.
"In a word she said, he was
combined model of Mars and Apollo.
His eye was of the deepest black and
sparkled with an incomprehensble
brilliancy when he smiled. but if en-
ragged its power was absolutely ter
rife. Into whatever female society
he CHANGED by the fortunes of war or
the vicissitudes of private life to be
cast. he conquered all hearts without
an effort. and until he became deeply
involved in the affairs of state and
the vexations incident to the political
arena | do not believe a female capa-
BILE of the gentle emotions of love ever
looked upon him without loving him.
Wherever he went he was petted and
caressed by her sex, and hundreds
We'd with each other in continuous
struggle to offer him some testimonial
of their adulaton. Subsequently, Nine.
Jumel was married to Burr, who was
nearly so and she nearly 90. The mar
riage was not happy one, and the
two soon separated
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
scotch Medicine.

A stranger came to a provincial
Scotch town one day. lie looked some
what of an invalid. and he asked one
of the Inhabitants to direct him to the
chemists shop.
1.-The what sir?'
"The chemists shop"
AYE, an what kim O shops that
nap
"Why. the place where you can buy
medicine"
"Eh, sir, we've nae sic shop as thai
here"
No? What do you do, then, wher
any one falls i'll? Do you take no med
cinef"
Deed no; not a drap. We've just
whisky for the folk an tar for the
sheep, an that's a the fessck we deal
in."-London Answers.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17

Mrs. Thur!ow says that Cardinal
Wiseman went TO dine with some
friends of hers. 1t was Friday, but
they had quite forgotten to provide
fast day dinner However, he was
quite equal to the occasion. for he
stretched out his hands in benediction
over the table. and said, Il pronounce
all this to be fish" and forthwith en-
ioyed all the good things heartily
THE Story of My Life" by Augustus
j. c. Hare.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
At GirdIes The Globe.

The fame of Bucklen's Arnica Salve,
as the best in the world, extends round
the earth. It's the one perfect healer
OF cuts, corns, burns, bruises, sores,
scalds. boils, ulcers, felons, aches,pains
and all skin eruptions. Only infallible
pile cure. 25c box at Benefits drug
store.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
n was strictIy Modern.

''She has received strictly up to
date education. you say"
"Well. rather. She hasn't a bit of
practical knowledge about household
affairs, but size has more theories than
you could get in a book and she can
talk about parliamentary law in a way
that will make her shine in any wo-
mans club you can pick out" Chicago
Post.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
His College Dnys.

"NIike," said Flooding Pete "do you
tink it does a man mich good to go
troo college,"
"Not much" replied Meandering
Mike Il went troo college once.
an all got was two dictionaries an a
suit Of football clothes. De swag wasn't
wort de risk. Washington Star.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
Blown 70 Atoms

The old idea that the body some
times needs a powerful. drastic. pu-.,a
Awe pill has been explodedj for Dr..
Kings New Life Pills which are uer-
Sectlv harmless. gently stim0late liver
ana bowels - eXI,el poisonous matter.
cleauses he system and absolutely cure
slStipation and sick headache. ONLY
DC al Bennett drug stOreC
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
Cash TINS Draft

Are Won discourageds Stomach trou-
HE and dyspepsia are obstinate Null 5
Pioneer stomach and Dyspepsia Cure
agrees to cure You you may cash the
.L.lla- GRAFT placed in each pox. We
: fIlst tovour honor in the natter Try
~ De and S1.oo Fer sale by J. T.
Bennett.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17

Uncle Reuben jes COM t town Z
git couple o sideboards an tho't I'd
drap in I see You.
City Niece-Why. Uncle Reuben. what
do you expect to do with two side
boards in YOUR housef
Uncle Reuben-Say. I'm talkin about
my farm wagon. What air you talkin
about?-CMuuibu State Journal.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17

We have perfected clubbing
arrangements whereby we can offer
both the HERALD and the WEEKLY
WISCONSIN for the low price of Sl.75
year. This is very liberal offer
and should be taken advantage of by
large number of our readers.
The WEEKLY WISCONSIN is family
newspaper uneXcelled in reputation.
Particular attention is devoted to the
local news Of Wisconsin and the
northwest. Its woman's page of
matter every week is worth the cost
OF the paper.
Do not delay. subscribe at once, and
secure both papers for the very low
price. to-wit: $1.75.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17

Prussian blue does not cone TO US
from Prussia. II is a chemical product
Of which England makes her full share.
Irish stew is nSi ~ Irish. sUt an Eng
lioh dish. and Turkish baths 10 not
oS.gi1ote in Turkey hus III Russia.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
II Banner SaIVe

doesn't cure your piles your money
will be returned 1t is the most heal
ing medicine Hatch Bros, and J. T.
Bennett
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17
A New York physician Advises
His Patient TO Take Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
[LETTER TO MRS. PINKHAM NO. 1850

"DEAR Mrs. PINKHAM-I have three
children and suffered with falling of
the womb and flooding. My physician
scraped the womb. still the flooding
continued and l as no better. At
last he advised me to use Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. Then
] thought 1 would write to Mrs. Pink
ham for she could advise me better
than any one if l was to take her RENE
dies. received her reply and followed
all her directions and l am very glad
to send you this testimonial, for Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound is
Just what it is recommended to be. l
advise all women who suffer from
these complaints to try it."-MARIE
LEMP, los ID AVE, NEW YORK CITY.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-01-17

"a year ago l was a great sufferer
from painful menstruation. l could
not lie down or sit down for the dread
full pain each month. L wrote to you
and took twelve bottles of Lydia +.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. and
it has helped me so 1 cannot find
words to express my gratitude toward
Mrs. Pinkham. am to-day well and
hearty Miss JoIE saul, DOVER,
CLARE Co, Men
More. thao million women have
been heped by Mrs. Pinkham.s advice
and medicine
The age-herald., 1901-03-29
Should Men Smoke2

The readers of the New York Sun are holding an interesting symposium on the eternal tobacco question They seem to agree that tobacco chewing. for various reasons. is tolerable only at sea. But smoking in the home finds many defend CTS, feminine as well as masculine. The arguments against the practice are on familiar lines. The expense, the discom- fort to others. the selfishness, etc, are set forth Some of the arguments in fa- vor of smoking. however, have sufficient novelty to merit attention.
 One woman favors tobacco because of it's pacifying effects. "A man." she ob- serves. never smokes unless he is in a good humor. There seems to be a subtle relation between good nature and a good smoke" She wishes that women had as soothing and silent a remedy for weari- ness and perplexity. She thinks women should be thankful for tobacco" and evil dently has found it a great pacifcator in her own domestic difficulties. ''The wise woman," she concludes, will set apart some corner where the head of the house may seek peace-stipulating only that he use a good brand of tobacco" One may assert, without fear of contradiction, that this woman has most docile husband, for she plainly understands just how he should be managed.
 The verdict of her practical experience is confirmed by a physician on scientific grounds Such weaknesses and follies wife her influence and control over him
  as she wishes, even If she makes him believe he is perfect he would be above associating with her" To this he adds a physiological fact which women may well consider. "Tobacco," he says, through it's sedative influence, is the most powerful agent known in repress- ing vicious tendencies in man. A wife whose husband is a heavy smoker can dismiss all fears of that other woman He would rather have a quiet smoke at home than meet any woman on earth. But If his wife will not permit him to smoke he will go where the other woman will
 The fact is that most men find in to- bacco a relief from the strain of violent exertion, either physical or mental. It is remedy which may be abused, but so may tHe TeIuSultS TOT IL quItS possible to eat oneself sick, even on oat- meal porridge. That strenuous activity seems to demand something in the nature of tobacco is shown by the facts as to women smokers. Until lately only hard working women, with rare exceptions, used tobacco. Now, with an increasing number of women confronting life's per plexities, more of them are smoking. In lands where opium and other narcotics take the place of tobacco the same con- ditions exist.
 On the other hand 1t is to be observed that the general diffusion of wealth less ems the abuse of stimulants and narcotics. As men are relieved of the necessity of putting forth their entire strength, the less need they feel for such helps. But until we reach that millennial age when no one will have to work hard most men will continue to smoke, because they must
The age-herald., 1901-03-29
ours truly,
 JAMES SHARP,
312 North Twentieth Street. Birmingham, March 2S, 1901.
USE OF MONEY IN ELECTIONS.

From the San Francisco Bulletin.
 The Washington Star thus translates into good English the arguments of the boodIer in the Addicks campaign; Who put up the money for that campaign? Who worked any hard for Republican success than Addicl1s? Didn't everybody know what he wanted? Did anybody sup pose he was putting up money and sour rying around for his health? Well, then. Why didn't they give him what he wanted? Why refuse him what he had paid for and helped win?"
 The impression undoubtedly prevails to some extent that a man with money has a right to buy a seat in the Senate If he can The Addicks boodier thinks an injustice has been done in refusing Ad- dicks an office in pursuit of which he had expended a good deal of money. The present system of recognizing contribu- tions of money to capaign funds is re- sponsible for this kind of talk from the boodler whose intelligence is not sufi- cient to enable him to distinguish diff ference between an office of trust and ordinary merchandise. So long as the dis pensers of public patronage recognize a liberal contribution to a campaign fund as claim upon the appointing power, so long will boodlers take the coin of the men of the Addicks stamp with the same good opinion of themselves as if they had done a good days work in shop or field It is easy to say that a voter who would talk as the Star represents Addicks boodlers as talking deserves to have his vote taken from him. But how much better is the official who has off, ces to distribute who acts as the bood- Ter talks? The overshadowing danger to Republican institutions is the extrava- gant use of money in elections When the idea is imbedded in the public mind that money is the controlling influence fin elections the obligation to abide by the will of the majority is impaired. The the majority which has little or no money to use
 Great pains is taken to protect every voter in his right to vote and to pre- vent fraud in the counting of the votes. Men are occasionally sent to the peni- tentiary for placing on the registry of voters a name which has no right to be there. This is all very well but 1t is like stopping the leak at the spigot while the burghole remains open. The evil result ing from the use of money in important campaigns becomes the more grave in the presence of gigantic combinations of capital which are ready to pour their mill lions into the campaign funds of party which will promise immunity from hos tile legislation in the event of success.