The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1901-1901, 1901-03-06
CRUSADE AGAINST VICE.


betther We like it, I'd be afraid to
enther upon a crusade against vice
t'r fear | might prefer it to tn var
chous lite av a rayspictable liquor
dealer But anyhow, tn crusade
has started, an befure nanny mon
us I'll be lookin' under tn table
whin | set down to a peaceful game
iv solytair to see if a polisman in
citizens clothes amt concealed
there.
"Th' city av New York, Hinnissy,
sets tn fashion iv vice an starts
tn crusade again it. Thin iv'rybody
else takes it up.
LAS people, Hinnissy, we're tn
greatest crusaders that liver was
tr a short distance. On tn quarther
mile thrack we can crusade at a rate
that wud make Hogan's frind God
frey tn Bullion look like crab. But
tn throuble is tn crusade don't
last afther tn first sprint. TIL cru
saders dhrops out Nv tn procession
to take DRINK or put a little mon
ey on tn ace, an by tn time th' end
iv tn line iv march is reached tn
boss crusader is alone in tn job an
his former followers is hurlin'
bricks at him firm tn windows Nv
policy shops. TIL boss crusader al
ways gets tn double cross. If wan
ted to sind me good name down to
tn ginerations with Cap Kidd an
Jesse James, I'd lead a movement f'r
tn suppression iv vice. | wud SO.
aye see, Hinnissy, it's this way:
The la:ads ilicted to Office an put on
tn polls foorce is in need iv little
loose change, an tn on'y way they
can get it is to be negotyotin' with
vice. Tammany can't raise amy
money on tn churches; it won't do
sthore FIR keepin disorderly neck
ties in tn window. They've got to
get tn money where it's ccmin' to
thin, an tbs on'y comm to thin
where tn law an vile human nature
has a sthrangle holt on each other.
A polisman goes afther vice as an
officer iv tn law, an comes away as
a philosopher.
We'll, tn la-ads goes on usin' tn
revised statutes as sand bag, an
by-an'-by tn captain iv tn polls sta
ton gets to a pint where his steam
yacht bumps into a canoe iv tn pris-
ident iv tn Standard lie Comply,
an thin there's tn divil to pay. It's
been dull summer, anyhow, an tn
people ARE lOokin' FIR a change an
a little divarsiOn, an somebody who
doesn't ramimber what happened to
tn last man that led crusade
again vice gets up an says he:
This here city is a verytable Sodom
an il must be cleaned out, an ivry-
body takes broom at it. TIL chur-
ches appints cOmities, an so does
tn Stock exchange an tn Brewers
s'ciety an afther while other or
CARNATIONS jumps into tn fray as
Hogan says. Witnesses is sommon.
ed before tn comfy of the Amalja-
mated Union iv Shell Wurrukers;
tn S'ciety FIR tn Privintion iv Good
Money, tn Ancient Ordher iv send
with tn slit in tn centhre; an
Spike McGlue, tn burglar, examines
thin on vice they have met an what
ought to be done tow'rd keepin TIL
polls in nights. Thin tn man that
objects to canary bur-rds in windows
sthreet music, vivysection, profanity
expensive fun'rels, open shtreet cars
an other vices takes a hand, an ye
can hear him as well as tn others
Vice is tn on'y thing talked iv at tn
church socyables an tn mothers
meetin's; tbs raysolved be tn msom
nya club that now's tn time to make
a FLYNN wedge again tn divvlisf
hurdy gurdy. an meetins are called
to burn tn polls lie FIR not arristi1
tn criminals who sell vigitibles al
tn top iv their lungs. Some wan in
vints an anti-vice cocktail. Lect
ures is delivered to small bodies i,
preachers on how to detect vice, 81
that no wan can palm off conther
felt vice on thin an make thin
think tbs good. TIL polls become.
active, an whin tn polls is active
it's good time FIR dacint' men tt
wear marredge certy-ticates outside
iv their coats.
TIL boss crusader is havin' tn
time iv his life al tn while. His
pitcher is in tn pa-apers ivry morn
in. an his sermons is directhry i,
PAGES iv amusement He says tt
an me name will go down to tn
| SielIdllOIS dS I'll SIcdleSl vice UtlS
ter iv tn cinchry. Whin ge
through they won't be enough crime
left in this city to amuse stranger
firm Hannybal. Missoury, FIR twinty
minyits,'. sas he. That's where he's
wrong. Afther a while people gets
tired iv tn pastime. They wan
somewhere to go nights. Most peo
pie amt vicious, Hinnissy. an il
takes vice to hunt vice. That &C
counts FIR polismen. Besides, tn
horse show or tn football games o.
somethin' else eXcitin" divarts thei1
attintion. an wan Jay tn boss cru
sader finds that he's alone Ii SodOm
Vice amt so bad afther all. l not
ice business was betther when twas
rampant says one la-ad. Sure yer,
right says another. L haven't sole
a single pink shirt since that MAJ
Markers closed tn faro games. say
he. TIL theaytre business ain
what it was whin they was NOR
vice., says another. This amt nj
Connecticut village. he says. So I'll
no use thryin' to inthrjooce SOON
cnury legislation in this impeerya