The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-02-09
TIPS OF THE CAR PORTER.
Discourse on Get-Rich-Quic IL
Scheme by n Man who Has
Tried 1t.
From dc Nav York Sun.

From the New York Sun.
I've tried about all lines and I'm going
back to railroading," said Jim.
Jim was the big man among the door
keepers. He stood outside the Old Mans
door, and none might enter until Jim had
passed upon his credentials. Jim bossed
the other doorkeepers, the messengers.
the minor clerks, and almost the assistant
manager. He was the diplomat who ar
ranged methods of escape for his SUI
periors when cranks beset them. He it
was who lured an enthusiastic poet bent
on reciting some of his productions to
| the Old Man into an elevator going up,
so that the Old Man might escape in an
elevator going down. Jim was man of
great experience, and his decision to go
back to railroading was the result of long
thought.
You see," continued Jim, "a handy
man has chance railroading that he
don't have in any other business A good
man ought to make fifteen a trip on a
sleeper. I've made twenty, and some
times thirty. But fifteen is the lowest
that any good man should make, and
that without much work. porter on a
| sleeper has the easiest time, and makes
| his money with less work than anybody
else in the world. So I'm going back to
railroading.
There's two kinds of porters. One is
the kind that works for the pay he gets
from the company; that's twenty a
month on sleeper and twenty-five on
chair car. He is satisfied to take what
is coming to him, and he don't make any
cracks to draw money from 'em. The
other kind is different. They are the port
ers that are out for the passengers. The
passengers like them better.
"A porter has a lot of experience. Now
you take me. l think | can spot a good
man as quick as any one. But I've been
fooled. l was running on the Pennsyl-
vania's fast Chicago train six years ago.
The first people to get around one night
staggered me. There was an old man
with cowhide boots and a paintbrush
beard at the head of a parade of six kids.
| There was seven berths gone, and / said
to myself Not cent in sight. Well
l said to myself you're up against it.
Half the car a kindergarten with a jay
| hawker for the teacher. l see your finish.
| Golly, 1 was mad.
| Il took the checks and showed the old
man the berths. l made up my mind II,
| wasn't worth while to bother with the
| outfit and l didn't. The old man put the
nursery to bed and dressed them in the
| morning. No help did l give! Not me.
l was too busy.
'Well. we got into Chicago and 1 was
brushing my passengers off The old man
| got the kids in shape and paid no atten-
| ton to me. He was kneeling down but
toning the leggins of one when l wer~
through. 1 had my brush. viii you let
me take that broom?' he said. l handed
| it over. Well. he brushed every one of
'em. 1 took the brush then and busted
him-not much, but just little. Well,
| the old man went down in his jeans. and
he pulled out q roll, and he knocked me
down with flyer. Yes, sir! He was the
| best man on the train and there l had
been abusing him all the trip
Now, women ore queer. They don't
| tip, you kr0w, and a car full of women
is no good.
Now | ran on the Southwestern Limit
ed once and | remember a woman. She
was an old maid, l judge. She got aboard
at st. Louis and she had bundles till you
couldn't rest. She was little and fussy.
She began to ask questions at once. She
was a terror. Every time we stopped
she said, What town is this, porter
I'd tell her mighty short. l got out of
doing everything she asked. / never done
a thing for her. l had her sized up, oh,
yes, l was smart.
"Well, she got nervous at Yonkers, and
| began to bother worse than ever. When
| we got into t1e Shed Sne was nrSt OH, ana
her bundles weren't all there. 1 got them
at last. And then she said: Porter,
you've been very kind to me. Very kind,
| indeed. porter, and l want to thank you.
| Now, porter, this is for you and she
showed a bill TO me. Well, / hadn't ex-
pected to get anything and I was glad.
thanked her, and showed the bill in my
pocket. When she got away l looked at
It, 1t was a ten.
~ buffet is the thing. When n man
drinks alone he gives up dime for every
| drink and maybe quarter. When Their 5
| more than one it's quarter most sdrely.
| A bridal coupled They're the stuff. Say,
the bride wants everything. She wants a
| drink of water. Porter says he, a glass
of water That's a quarter He wants to
show off Then she'll send a telegram
home Porter says he. a telegraph
blank That's another quarter-maybe
fifty. l know one couple that netted me
! three fifty in a day
"Stateroom parties are apt to be no
good They may be folks with a pull. or
something Ike that. and they demand at
| tention. I made "A run once and got a
dime out of a crowded stateroom. and
! they kept me on the jump all the time.
But the main thing is that railroading
is the best business. It's easy money.
All a man has to do is to be lively and
be on hand. and not in the way. Then
he'll get along. I'm going back to rail-
reading"