davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-31

our for long walk by his lonesome,
He knew that his eourtiers were fawn-
els and fiatterers and liars but yet he
had a we'll grounded suspicion that he
was the biggest thing on earth and that
nothing was too betty for him to tao
kle. By and by he came along to where
4 peasant was Telling a tree by the road
side, and. having never seen the ak
at work on a tree before, his interest
was lively. In about two minutes he
saw where the work could be improved
on, and, splitting on his hands. he ex-
claimed:
Gimme the ak, you scrub, and let
your king show you a few fancy
strokes,"
20 King. but didst ever stand up to
an elm with ak in hand?" asked the
peasant.
No: | can't say that | ever did, but
IL it isn't dead easy then I'll eat my
hat
Alas, o king. beware! The ak look
eth simple tool, and the tree appear
eth full of humility, but if you don't
catch the right swing
Away with you, catiff." shouted
the king as he seized the ak and squar-
ed OFF, Have / not conquered enemies.
founded colleges. erected palaces and
governed millions? How, then, that /
should be put out by an ak and tree?
Just watch my strokes and see the tree
totter and fall
But the tree didn't totter. The first
stroke grazed the bark; the second
fetched away chip; the third over
reached. and the handle of the ak
struck the tree. and the king let go
with the pain Of the shock.
did not warn thee. king?" que
ried the frightened peasant.
BY gum, but you did" shouted the
King as he blew on his aching fingers.
SAY, Abraham, I'm a heap of a Teller,
amt II"
Thou art great mana truly great
man. O king, but-but''---
''But there are one or two little
things | can't do?'
That's. what | would say, wise ruiz
er."
We'll meabe you are right. but
never suspected it before. Here, Abra-
ham. Take 100 pieces Of silver on ac-
count and keep your month shut about
this little affair while | bump up
against something else"
= 9
On his way back to his palace by an
other route and while walking with
slow and thoughtful step the king
reached the door of peasants cottage
"A COW stood there, and the peasant sat
down and began to milk.
Behold, but never saw the like be-
90 oil cd L.
closer. That fluid in tho pail seems to
be milk"
1t is, your majesty" replied the
peasant, who had recognized his Wis
itor
And It isn't made by machinery, eft
or all2''
1T comes as you see. o king"
BY Xerxes, but that's funny idea,
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-31

madam. am not one of those men who
shirk their duty to their country"
''Well. understood you We're out of it.
year ago lot of ward heelers got $50
out of you on account of politics, and you
went out with them and got drunk, and
had a fight and came home without your
watch and
stop right there woman!' he shouted
as he pointed his finger at her. No ward
heller ever got a dollar out of me. I
never lost my watch or came home
drunk, I simply had an idea of running
for alderman, but gave it up owing to
the pressure of private business. Don't
let your malice and bigotry carry you too
far"
And you have decided to run for some
thing this spring. she asked as he paced
up and down, followed by the cat.
Il have. l have discovered that seven
out of every ten decent men in this town
think as l do-that the country is going
10 the dogs-and as it is their wish that
/ officially represent their principles 1 am
going to do it. Yes, ma'am. am going to
be the next mayor of this town.
con an independent ticket?"
ION an Independent ticket The hon
at last. and both old parties will be given
the go by. We will sweep them both into
nbscurity as the tornado sweeps the dead
leaves from the hillside. You can order
cards tomorrow reading. Mrs. Mayor
Bowser l am going out now for an hour
or two, and you needn't sit up for me-
ut must be nice to be ward heller"
she sighed
What have I to do with ward heelers?"
he loftily demanded as he turned on her.
oh nothing, except to be soft mark.
You'd better leave your watch and money
with me-
Madam he said as he came closer,
II fling the insult back into your teeth.
You need not order any cards. While
I shall be Mayor Bowser you'll be moth
ing. l did not dream that there was
person with such a small soul on earth.
! go in answer to the call OF my country.
I go to make a speech to a crowd of
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-31

BY lingo, but we'll make a double sur
prise and a double hit of it. II you'll
stand up before the crowd in the rig
you've got on and thunder out a fairly
decent Grafton. the town shall be yours
Can you do t?'
If there's anything at stake, L think
l can
Anything at stake, Why. man alive
is at stake? Can't you understand what
it means to this nation if this eelebra-
ton to-day is a failure?'
II told him l could, and he hurried me
off to the town hall and introduced me
to several other people and explained
what was up. From thence we drove to
the grove, and when the proper moment
arrived | was put up to crate. Gee whiz,
but you ought to have heard the guying.
laughing, whooping and hurrahfng as 1
stood forth The crowd took it as little
farce worked into the programme and a
good thing, and it was three or four
minutes before it could be announced that
the chosen orator WAS Ill and had taken
his place Then | braced myself and went
in. They guyed me for a bit, but soon
let up on that, and at the end of five
minutes they were cheering. / believe L
did Well ! know | got applause enough
to satisfy any speaker, and when | had
finished there was a rush to shake hands
and pat me on the back. The citizen who
had discovered me passed the hat and
got it half full of change, but when he
came to hand it over to me l astonished
the crowd again.
may, gentlemen, said 1; I do not
sell my patriotism
e" But you've got to take it, they
shouted
the state of Pennsylvania, the United
States and the American people from a
cataclysrn, l am only too happy to have
been of service s
But who in Halifax are you? cried a
hundred patriots together
Simply dilapidated gentleman and
a friend of liberty. Gentlemen,@I thank
you for your kind expressions of good
win. but as wish to reach Pittsburg
tomorrow l think I'll move on
The town was mine. and / moved. I
did accept a cold chicken for lunch en-
route. but 1 turned their money and old
clothes down. Had to do it, you know.
1t was my great-grandfathe who put
Patrick Henry up to that great speech.
and it was agreat-uncle of mine who led
the tea party in Boston harbor. De-
scendant of patriot, you see, and / had
position and a dignity to maintain.
Dilapidated and dead broke, you know.
but have got to keep the main Issue in
sight just the same. Thanks for the
quarter. It's cash on delivery, and we've
both got our moneys worth and won't
have to get an expert to overhaul the
books or look out for protested checks.
Best system in, the world, and I'm glad
to learn that it may be universally adopt
ed
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-31

"Are back in Arkansaw ag I'M!
Not skassly,' said ].
Was / hevin fout with critter
named Zeb White?p
".Yo' was
".And did I whip him and make him
holler?' n
"'Yo' didn't. Yo' kin look upon
yo'rself as a licked man
And l didn't git his right ear to
take back to Arkansaw with me-?
Nary a ear.'
With that he began to cry and I let
him up. He went over and sot down
on that stump and cried like boy.
and after he had wept away his tears
he said to me:
Zeb, / acknowledges to bein a
licked man, but I'd like the. consola-
shuns of KNOWN how twas done
1T war far fout.
ct reckon it was, but T was gittin
the best CT it when yo fastened a
couple of hoss-shoes to yo'r hands and
hit me in the back and sent me tum-
bin. Was that what licked me?'
Reckon it was
and it was allowable under .foutin
rules?'
'Allus has bin
Then l hain't got nothin mo- to
say said he. 81 cum, / saw, and I
got licked, and I'm goin back to Ar
kansaw and tell EN- that yo' are the
rooster Of the flock. Shake hands, Zeb
White, and bid me goodby.' 3. sa.
"And he shouldered his bundle and
went off whistlin. and to this day he
don't know why that fout went ag' in
him. l heard that he went back to
Arkansaw and tried to fight with his
hoss-shoes tied to his hands, but the
other critter eyened up by shootin TO
bullets into him"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-31

that the critter from Arkansaw was
bound to hev fuss. He Dragged and
crowed and had so much to say that I
had no other way but to tackle him.
We peeled off coats and jackets out
thar on that level spot, and | noticed
the old mewl standin with his hind
quarters out of that shed doah.
eth tell yo what I'm gwine to do
said the stranger as we made ready.
I'm goin to bite off yor right ear and
carry it back to Arkansaw with me as
a sort of certificate, and | hope yoll
write the date on it with pen and ink
before l leave
Then he crowed and tapped his
arms and jumped up and knocked his
heels together. handn't got skeart of
him, however. ! reckoned it might be
a tough fout, but | was bound to win
it. What made it better fur me was
that me n the old woman had had a
jaw that day, and | was feelin emery
and mean and anxious to whop some
body. WAL we finally got to work.
and | soon found that critter all |
could manage. He was peart in his
feelin's and hard hitter, and as he
danced around he said:
"'Yo' might as well begin to holler
right now, Zeb White. fur I've got yo'
licked reckoned a heap of this talk
about yo' was all wind
"Jest about that time | fetched him
a swat that keeled him head over heels
and broke my thumbs. He got up as
peart as yo' please, and. SEEM my
thumb was broke and my right hand
useless, he put on mo- steam. 1t did
seem to me that for the fust time in
my life I was gwine to be licked, and
had feelin of goneness clear down to
my butes. Broken bones don't count
in a fout in this kentry, yo' know
The man who comes out on top gifts the
credit. and the other Teller hasn't a
word to say. Yes, sab, jest dun reck-
on was hevin powerful clus shave
OF it when Providence interfered. !
was being banged all around when
happened to see my old mewl backin
up on us from the shed. He'd heard
that row and wanted hand in. 10th
er feller's back was to'ard the mewl
and I played to keep it thar. He never
had no warnin of what was COMM The
fust thing he knew the mewl backed
up to within kickin distance and then
let go both feet, and old Arkansaw
went ro.lin most down to that bresh
fence. His breath was gone when he
stopped, and was also sittin on his
stomach. In three of four minits he
opened his eyes and looked around and
said:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-31
MR.. BoWsER's ASPIRATIONS.
He Decides to Run on an Independent
Ticket for tne MayOralty.
Copyright, 1901, by c. B. Lewis.)

copyright, 1901 by c. B. Lewis.)
Mr. Bowser had been uneasy for half
an hour, and finally when the doorbell
rang he gave a jump and hurried down
the hall to answer it, 1t was plain that
he had been expecting a caller and
palmer vet that he didn't want Mrs.
Bowser TO know anything about it in adj
vance, She heard a mumbled converse
ton in the hall, and peep showed her a
tough-looking man with his hair parted
down on his forehead. He was whisper
ing to Mr. Bowser in confidence, and she
raw money pass between them. 1t pass
ed from Mr.. Bowser to the unknown, and
his words were plain as he said:
This will get the boys ready to yell for
you and put you through by reclamation.
Be over in half an hour to give 'em a
talk III
When the caller had departed, Mr..
Bowser came back to the sitting room
with shining eyes and a flush on his
face He looked as self important as
man who had got dead squeeze on the
Standard Oil Company.
WAS it the gas man. queried Mrs.
Bowser knowing he was dying to be
questioned.
Not exactly
IF it was the tramp who called here
a about 4 o'clock this afternoon
Mr.. Bowser interrupted her with a
hearty laugh and then said:
That's funny-the leader of the indie
pendents and the man who is to name the
next mayor of this city being mistaken
for the gas mani 1 shall have to tell
that to him for good joke"
Slut what did he want with you?"
persisted Mrs. Bowser. II thought you
had decided long ago to cut politics"
II made no decision of the kind,
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-31

he was meaner'n skunks. He'd bite
and kick. at anybody who come within
ten feet of him, and if l hitched him to
the cart he wouldn't pull pound.
was keepin him around in the hopes to
trade him off when along comes a
stranger one day from Arkansaw. ihe
old woman was gone to naybur's and
| was sittin on the doorstep when this
stranger halted and said:
kin | everlastinly and eternally
flatter myself that l am addressing the
celebrated and notorious Zeb Whita?'
That's me, said /.
1.-The critter who has killed 5000
possunns, 1900 woodchueks, 1920 coons
and so b'ars?'
"'Them's about the figgers, stranger.
The man who crowded circus ele-
pant into the ditch, flung a bull over
the fence and licked three wildcats
barehanded?'
That's mostly me-
1.-The man who has outrun, outjump-
ed, outwrassled and outfit every critter
in tennessee who would tackle him?'
Kinder that
WAL, now, goes on the man as we
shakes hands, yo' seem to be some
pumpkins, and | hope yo are, fur I've
walked over from Arkansaw to gin yo'
a trial I'm goin to do my best, Zeb
White, to lick yo' outen yo'r butes.'
What fur?' said l.
Jest to take yo' down peg and let
yo' know that thar is two or three 9TH
err folks on airth. Yes, I'm either gwine
to make yo' holler or else live on roots
all the rest of my days
II didn't want no quarrel with any
body" said Zeb, but | soon diskivered
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-31


ed the Bagdadians? The idea that I
can I milk an old cow makes me laugh.
But COWS sometimes lift their feet
when being MIXED protested the peas
ant
Let 'em lift
And if hoof happens to strike
ycu'--
Away, Josephus. and give your king
show. / see how 1t is done. You
grab one OF the pump-handles thus and
the other one so. and you s-q-u-e-eze
'em like this, and you"
The old COW lifted her hind foot and
brought it around with Il kink in her
leg. and king and pail and milk stool
were piled up against the fence.
Anybody any remarks to maker"
asked the king as he finally opened his
eyes and sat up and looked around.
only this. o king. replied the peas
ant as he knelt before him: Let every
man stick to his trade. Thy trade Is 10
rule over Persia and weigh ton. Ny
trade is to till the fields and milk my
old COW twice day. Let each be con-
tent in his own vocation"
"Josephus, thy head Is level. and thy
knees are plumb IN front. said the
king as he rose up. Just take my
watch and make a raise on II To clear
off the mortgage on your farm, and II
any one comes along here and wants 70
know what made the hole in the earth
tell 'em your wife fell OF the fence"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-31
FEB WHITE.
The Fightingest Man and the Kick
ing>,t MUle

Copyright. 1901. by c. B. Lewis.).
Soon after the wah," said the old
possum hunter of Tennessee as we sat
before his cabin fire, some fellers
come along yere with drove of nevis.
and one of the critters fell sick. and
they gin him to me. He was about the
meanest lookin mewl l ever did see.
but kinder hoped he'd make up fur it
in bein good. He didn't, however.
Doggone his hide, but when he got well
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-31
mean you can crater he gasped.

mean you can crater he gasped.
I've done it in my time. and I'm not
AFRAID to tackle it again. I'm dead broke,
diiapidated. but gentleman. Patriotism
is right In my line. In also pretty fair
at twisting the English language into
shape
Lord. lord" he whispered as hope
lighted up his face, Say. tramp. if you
can pull US out of this hole I'll feed YOU
on fried oysters for the next five years.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-31
"a BAD PRACTICE, .

You get it out by squeezing, don't you.
and that old COW chews her cud and
rather likes It. Say, Josephus, want
TO try 1t myself"
Hast never MIXED a COW. 0 king?"
Never. but believe can get on to
the racket in about minute"
IF thou hast never MIXED a COW, o
great and wise and beneibcent'--
"Bosh, Haven't licked the Arme-
mans, trounced the kurds and wallop-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-31
PERSIAN TALES.

The King Who Learned Something
New.
Copyright. 1901, by c. b. Lewis)
One afternoon the king escaped from
his courtiers by way of the kitchen
door and the cabbage garden and set
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-12-31

said he could not gauge future trade.
He could tell better at the end of the
years business just how business was.
his establishment was good and SEEM
ed to be on the increase. He, too,
found fault with the heavy rain storm
of the day before Christmas as having
cut into the years profits.
Mr.. Hayselden. of the David Law
renee Cigar Company. said that as an
Indication of how his firm looked on
the coming years business they had
been steadily increasing their stock and
making OUTLAWS TO meet the require
meuts of the trade.
I'VE have had a good business right
along. 1t has been on the increase
steadily, and there is no reason why,
the coming year should not be a lively
one to the merchants. We have had
80 cause for complaint In the past, and
I don't believe we will in the future.
Every month has increased business
l don't know as the prospective reief.
of duties on Manila cigars will have
any great effect on trade by reduc-
ton in price People have always
bought Manila cigars here; they have
been educated so smoking them, and
they will continue buying and smoll-
ing them as usual, whether the price
is up or down."
Mr.. Eakin, OF the Imperial Cigar
Store, said he could not see why bust
ness should not be good during the
year. 1t had been good right
along.
Clinton ]. Hutchlns. the insurance
man, said business was booming in his
line. II look for a pretty good year, /
The financial outlook seems agreeable"
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-12-31

A. ]. Smell wanted to attend a party
but was afraid to do so on account or
pains in his stomach, which he feared
would grow worse. He says, II was
telling my troubles to a Lady friend,
who said: 'Chamberlain's Collie, Chol-
era and Diarrhoea Remedy will put
you in condition for the party
bought bottle and take pleasure In
stating that two doses cured me and
enabled me to have good time at the
party" Mr.. Smell is resident OF Sum
mer Hill, N. Y. This remedy is for
sale by Benson. Smith & Co, Ltd.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-12-31
Niolopa.

Near the Puunui tract; 2h acres
suitable for a small dairy.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-12-31
WING LUNG 60

No{F ON HOTEL AND MAUNAKEA
STREETS,
z &c as soon as their store IS repaired
WI return TO their old stand.
VISIONS. PRO-
gg--eFders promptly filled.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-12-31
King Street.
PaIann

House and lot on Asylum Road;
,-room house; lot 100 $50.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-12-31
Kaiihl.

the main road and below Kaiulani
tract.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-12-31
FOR SALE.
Puunui.

~ Corner lot in Puunui tract, Nuu-
anu Valley; 10000 square feet.
ca Improved lot in same tract; 10000
square feet; cottage on the premises.
(3) Seven acres Of land, paEk or which
is suitable for quarry.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-12-31

Also property on Pacific Heights and
in the Kapahulu tract. Terms on all
the above reasonable.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-12-31
Manoa.

Lot. 10000 square feet, 300 yards from
the Rapid Transit line.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-12-31

On Fort street. at thu head OF Ku'
kUi street, IL So feet.
Orange County observer. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1880-1918, 1901-06-13
. COOP Couch MEDICINE

1t speaks we'll for Chamberlain's
Cough Remedy when druggists use
it in their own families in preference
to any other. Il have sold Cham
berlain's Cough Remedy for the
past five years with complete salts
faction to myself aud customers"
says Druggist J. Goldsmith. Van
Etten, N. Y. II have always used
it in my W family both for or
binary coughs and colds aud for the
cough following la grippe, and find
it very eficacious." For sale by w.
A. Hayes, Druggist.
Orange County observer. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1880-1918, 1901-06-13
SEVEN E A In BED.

"Will wonders never cease ?" in
quire the friends of Mrs l.. Pease,
OF Lawrence, Kan. They knew she
had been unable to leave her bed in
seven years on account of kidney and
liver trouble, nervous prostration
aud general debility +; bnt "Three
bottles of Electric Bitte-s. enabled
me to walk" she writes, "and in
three months l felt like a new per-
son." Women suffering from Head.
ache, Backache, Nervousness, Sleep.
l~essness, Melancholy, Painting and
Dizzy Spells will find it a priceless
blessing. Try it. Satisfaction is
guaranteed by W. A, Hayes, Drug
gist. Only soc.
Orange County observer. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1880-1918, 1901-06-13
Col. AberneGhy saves
His SON.

An Affair at a Pond on Occoneechee
Farm That Almost Proved Fatal
Correspondence of the Charlotte
Observer.
Hillsboro, June What might
have been a sad accident occurred
near this place last evening. On
Occopeechee Farm, near here, is a
fish pond located on a little creek,
wi ich is we'll stocked With fish. Mr..
T. e. Gordon, who is at this place
on a vacation, desired some fish
from Occoneechee to put In his
pond. and having obtained permits
sion, got a seine and with a party
went to the pond, and was having
all the luck that any one ehonld wish
for. Among the seiners was Reuben
Abernetby, a good swimmer. and a
son of Col. Robert j. Abernethy,
the manager Of the farm. While
Colonel Abernety and several others
were on the bank al lookers.on,
Colonel Abernethy remarked that
one more haul would be7the winding
up Of the business in the pond, as
far as he was concerned while man
ager of the farm. Just at thissmo-
ment the Colonel heard some one
say 60 get him." Looking around
he saw his son, who bad come to a
very deep place sinking
fast. Al this moment Alopzo Tate,
colored, who was one of the seiners,
was making tor him and got him,
but III the struggle when both got
under the water the colored man.
Alonzo, gave him up and started to
the bank. just at this moment Col,
Abernethy, who is one handed, bat
a powerful swimmer, was in a few
feet of Reuben, who vas then under
water. The Colonel made a dive
for him, but missed him, and rose
and had give him up. But once
more made a dive and succeeded II
getting him in the seat OF the
breeches, aud holding him up aa fa1
possible the Colonel walked on TIT
bottom Of the pond holding him NJ
till shallow water was reached
During this time the Colonel wa
completely under water while b
was holding Reuben so his head wa
out of the water. Col. AberDeth,
was dressed and came very nea
drowning, and when land was strucl
was nearly exhaused. Had it no
been for the Colonel being at tn
place at the moment he was, Reube1
would have been drowned, and il
view of quite a number OF people
including two of the Colonel
, younger sous It was a close ca
!, for both the Colonel and Reuben.