Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-09-13

Twas not Ulll tnen she JSSS
quite merry
His only lot was in cemetery!
Philadelphia Record.
"What is It?'
Willie-"What is the blue room in
the White House, pa?'
Pa "That's where the President
gives ofliceseekers the rundown
Baltimore World.
Unfailing Signs.
Angeline (aged eight ~ tink
Claude means ter propose ter-night."
Agnes (aged seven)-"And why"
Angeline Hes drefful pale and
smells Nv hair-oilr ilr'-Puck.
His Mild Inquiry.
"There is no doubt that this scheme
will pay" said the promoter
"Yes," answered the purchaser OF
stock, Il suppose so. But who is to
get the money y?"-Washington Star.
Made 1t Worse.
"The old idea" said the lecturer.
"was an eye for an eye, tooth for
TOOTH"
"Yes," conceded one of his hearers,
"and there We're no painless dentists
in those days, either"
Gossip.
First Hen-"Mrs. Cluckatuck is
very young looking hen to be Gladys
Cutcutcararcut's mother"
Second Hen-"Oh! She's only her
stepmother. Gladys mother was a
patent ubator."-Puck.
A Safe Guess.
ST was just reading here that they
have discovered the grave Of Hippo
crates"
"Who was he?"
Must be some fellow who's dead.
I guess. ss."-Cleveland Plain-Dealer.
Isolated Danger.
Mrs Fly-"It looks mighty cool and
comfortable in that screened-up par
lor."
Mr.. Fly-"Don't you believe it; fly
I know got in there once-and he WaS
SO lonesome that he lost his mind"
Brightness.
"Be sure you're right" exclaimed
the Confident Philosopher. "and tn.
go ahead!'
"Be sure you're right" protested the
Married Man, "and then get down on
your knees and ask to be forgiven!'-
Puck.
Tried to Realize 1t.
Mrs. Poserleigh who flatters herself
she looks young)-"This is my daugh-
ter, Mrs Snyder. l suppose you'd
hardly think it."
Mrs. Snyder-"H'm Your youngest
daughter, 1 presume: :"-Boston Tran
script.
Hustling Household.
Careful Housekeeper-"Br Bridget, you
may get all the preserves we canned
last year, and boil them up again.
am afraid they have begun to work"
Bridget Like enough. mum, like
enough. Everything round this house
has to."-Harlem Life.
Concerning Savants.
'Polly-"Wisdom is generally depict
ed as a man with a long flowing
beard"
Dolly-"Yes, but my idea Of wisdom
is a man who has sense enough to
wear trimmed whiskers-or, none at
all."-Detroit Free Press.
Exclusiveness
Mrs. Purseproud--"I see where sew
eral millionaires chartered a whole
steamboat in order to come across the
ocean"
Mr. Purseproud-"Well, when we go
over we will lease the ocean FOR u
week. American.
Heading of Mrs. ID.
"The doctor says that 1 must go
away for change Of climate" said
Mrs. Dukane.
"If that's all you need" replied Mr..
Dukane, "stay right here, and the
change Of climate will come to you."-
Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph
B1oodshed Avoided.
Jones-"What would yo do If your
burglar-alarm went off in the night?"
Brown - "Well, in the dark you
know, it would take me good while
to find my shoes and my pistol, and
that would give the burglar time to
get away."-Detroit Free Press.
The Lightning Gossip Route.
"Well, that's quic,; work"
"NVhat's that?"
"a man from San Francisco told his
cousin in New York a secret he hadn't
told his wife, and before he got home
in ten days his wife had letter from
his cousins wife, telling her all about
it."
A Foreboding,
"We ought to be careful about how
we handle the Chinese"
"What danger do you foresee"
well, they may become so discon-
tented with their own country that
tbay will all want IN coma oyar bar.