The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1901-09-08
FUN OF THE WORLD.

The New York Evening Post tells a lit
tie story concerning the late Francesca
CrlspL On one occasion he was asked IL
the chamber BY a colleague il he belonged
% Mazzini's party. No replied Girls
pr Then perhaps you belong TO Carl
naidi s. No" Then whose party do
you belong toy "Crispfs.-
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General sherman was one OF the most
approacnaoie men who ever commanded
a great army During his famous march
TO the sea" both North and south we're
completely mysti1ed as 20 what point he
was striking for. and one day an old
Georgia planter who had called al his
headquarters and enjoyed his good cheer
asked him plumply If he had any objec-
ton 70 telling where his army was bound.
No. the least" said Sherman. Then.
leaning over he whispered in his guests
ear. but SO loudly that everybody else in
the tent overheard it. I'VE are going
pretty much where We - please -
sg &c
a British soldier, who is az this moment
serving in South Africa. recently sent n
letter 70 the war Office containing a word
that hsfied the imagination of every clerk
and official TO whom the puzzle was sub
mitted- The mysterious word was SPELL
ed Vie Il was repeated several times
and seemed, indeed, TO be the main sub
ject of his communication. At length
1t occurred 70 one Of the clerks TO consult
the hall pOrter-a grizzled veteran quite
unhampered by board school accomplish
ments.
can you tell US the meaning OF this
word, simpson, asked the brilliant
clerk.
I should think I could replied the
veteran, with mild contempt '-Y-f-e
spells wife. of course. What else could
il spell, sir?"
gE sz
The gentleman known IS David Harum
stopped the deacon on the road.
Deacon" said David. ''TlI give You q
dollar an my sorrel mare fer that black
colt your crivin' q"
Done said the deacon.
The horse was unhitched and soon Da-
vid sat behind the black colt and the
deacon was in possession Of David's sor-
rel.
Where's the dollar. David?" he asked
i paid you" answered David. Didn't
I give you tour quarters"
''When?" asked the deacon.
Why. amt there four quarters in the
hoss?'' asked David.
The deacon shook his fist furiousIy and
mUttered something that sounded Ike
III have the law on We fer this. pave
Harum.' but David only grinned good
naturedly and drove on.
x aR
When Mr. StetsOn was proprietor Of the
Howard Athenaeum at Boston he would
with his one good eye, peep through the
scenery to watch the effect of the Monday
night turns on his audience.
One night, while man with some poor
" trained dogs was doing his turn. he saw
in few moments that it was not going
10 be popular. Storming around at the
back of the stage. he called the manager
and, with a few choice epithets hurled in
the direction Of the performer who was
doing his best To earn his salary, he de
inanded how much time IL took for the
turn.
''Twenty-three minutes" was the an
swer
'-Twenty-three hexxes.'' exclaimed Stst-
son. You take that blankety fool I'D the
alley tomorrow night. and every night OF
this week. and let him perform his fool
dogs there for Just twenty-three minutes.
He's engaged for a week and by gee: he S
got to earn his saiary-but not in the pres
euce Of my audience"
x sE
James was always under the impression
that he vas born humorist and his
friends never succeeded IN convincing him
TO the contrary. But he has given ND
trying to be funny now he says his hui
NOR was the means Of losing "A girl with
lot Of money, and he has never got over
the blow He explains IL in this way.
He was counting a brokers' daughter.
one day he called upon her. and she hap.
pened 20 be at home; he considered him
self fortunate, as she had been out every
time he had called for a week. and be de-
fr- Co l..
tunity and pop the question. lie found
her in a room busny engaged with small
bundles Of dried grasses which she had
collected. What a quantity OF dried
grass you have collected, Miss Ritchie-
he said. Then his humor burst forth
Nice. room for donkey 10 get int0
Make yourself at home. Mr.. James" she
said, sweetly. before he could finish the
joke. He went home and al the humor
was crushed out Of him forever.
x < < =
j. Brisben Walker. has one Of the
most adventurous natures Of any man Of
importance know said Harvey Wells OF
Denver When Walker was remaking
a mile or so Of river front in Denver that
he later turned into fine park a sudden
rise Of the Platte washed away G lot OF
things. including the ground from under
q stable on the Improvement Walker was
making. When Walker came on the
scene TO look over the damage done a
horse that had been ia the stable was half
submerged and IN danger Of being smoth-
cred in the Quiclsand and rolling mud
that the angry waters made Of the half
prepared new ground Walker asked
several men TO 90 and help the horse
When they refused he started laying
planks along the treacherous ground. Just
as they do 70 get drowning persons from
out an icy river. In short time be
was in q position where false step
meant an even chance fer life or death
He got both the horse and himself OUT ~
the scrape- Then he turned around and
discharged every man on the Job. ano
wound up by giving the horse away"
z
& couutrynnan. being up in London got
into conversation with seedy-I0okine
customer in a taprpora. and during the
conversation he Jet drop the remark thai
be- would not mind giving half crown O.
see a real London sharper
We'll keep 30 dark" said thr other.
but 7 don't mind telling you that 7 an
31e."
II that's So" returned the courtryr1an
then suppose i'if ha' "a gie thee TIRE
This D. dsd s1th the remark.
But e's ha' some r. thee tales
Accordingly. the supposed sharper relat-
ID several good yarls and tae county
nan. being much pleased. said.
wall thee must oe real London
sharper. Just thee gie me that 'aif-croIr
back. IN gie thee 3 shniinFs
without hesitation the bogus sharper
the hair cr0wn holding egt hls
hand f1r the promised shlli!urs Who're (
lpon. 20 his utter astorishrrerf the o0gn- I
r,-m1r r1se 7arkefsd his haif croau (
md made % Hltb the remark
Thsa raust 30 fate ~ thcsd a keps {
hat -a1f-croun when Tree az g.
Senator Burton t0ia cod 5eke oa hsn5-
.sif lr his s5eeCh az Forest p4rk iR Afrh- (