Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1901-10-28

lunatic on your hands"
Lands O massy, no" she whispered
as her face grew white.
Then take down the dinner horn and
toot for Hank Jones to come over on
the dead run, and you tell them they
can get married next week"
"Abe, is that your official advicer
"You bet 1t Ia. Yes, ma'am; I'm
speaking from under the wing Of the
baldheaded eagle Of liberty and while
representing the bulwarks of freedom
and the principles Of fraternity. It's
an official opinion clear down to the
ground, and you get move on you at
once"
She grabbed the horn and went out
and blew a blast to lift a calf off his
feet, and as l drove away saw
young farmer in his shirt sleeves COM
ing across q meadow 80 fast that the
feet. l expect to find Sarah fully re-
covered when l drive along next.
For the last four weeks I've been no.
ticing that Farmer Jim Cummings has
been acting sort of offish as he took his
mail, but he didn't volunteer any ex-
plantations, and didn't ask for any.
The other day, however, he was so sur
ly that I opened out on him with:
'T.ook here. Uncle Jim; have you got
cramps or anything"
"Cramps!' he growled In reply. "D'ye
reckon I'm a blamed old fishwoman TO
have cramps In JulyW
ANY trouble in the family?"
"No."
"wheat, corn and taters coming along
all right?"
"Yes."
"Then what's hurt your feelings?
Something is wrong. Uncle jim, this
government wants to know what it Is"
Look a-here, Abe" he says after
bit, "am for this government or agin
itT
"You are for it. of course"
"Do you know how clus the vote in
this township was last fallT
81 forget"
swell, sir, the present administra-
tion had just one vote to spare. If it
hadn't been for me, the vote would
have gone the other way. My hired
man had the castin vote. and l threat.
ened to lick him II he didn't poll as l
did. I'm the man who saved the day."
"And you should be rewarded" said I.
ayes, so l should, but how have
been rewarded? A few weeks ago there
was a new school board elected for
this district. The cohorts Of this gov
ernment ought to have been on hand 10
see that was elected chairman, but
not one blamed cohort showed up, and
didn't come within a mile Of it. That's
what ails me, Abe, If you want to
know"
ut was too bad" said. 'I'm one
of the cohorts Of the government, as
you know, and never even heard that
you wanted the office. Can nothing be
done now"
"The government might cohort the
feller out and cohort me fn," suggested
Uncle Jim.
T'm afraid that can't be DONE"
"Oh, it can't? Well, / aln't askin the
government to break its back. Just let
things be as they are"
"But you may do something RASH"
"You bet willw said Uncle Jim as
he looked up at me with grim smile.
"Yes. Abe. the CALLED jade winces, and
the iron has struck home. It's too late
for the cohorts of the government to
show up. l got up this mornin fully
determined to upset these United States
and bust this American nation into a
cooked hat, and, by gum, Ill do I'll"
Can nothing induce
"Nothin tall, Abe, and you might as
we'll save your wind. When the gov
ernment left me to fight 1t out alone,
left the government to sink or swim.
She's goin to sink. Abe-goin down like
COW In quagmire-and all the tootin
of all the brass bands in the world
can't save her. Jest drive on and get
ready for the awfulest, biggest calam-
ity this world has ever heard of, and
you are my witness that the govern
ment is to blame for the hull thing"
Poor Uncle Jim Cummings! He spells
cat with k, but he has saved this
country no less tnHN three different
times and ought to ave been the whole
school board ere this. NJ. QUAD.