The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-10-27

sulphurous odOr emanating from his
vicinity although he is a reverend man
and should be above suspicion suggestive
of the devil In fact he is above this
suspicion for he wears sulphur in his
shoes, having heard that it is good to
prevent the grip and such like dread dis
ease.
When the deacon takes out his hand
kerchief the air becomes redolent with
the odor of camphor. That is his favor
lite perfume because the odor of camphor
he has been told, drives away conta gion
Once upon a time he put red pepper In
his stockings to keep his feet warm but
he thought he had put his foot in it
that time; it reminded him of the future
which he hoped to escape.
Some time later he soaked his feet IN
Kerosene oil to cure the chilblains; that's
why he limps; he never has chilblains
now-on his big toe. because he hasn't
any big toes left; the surgeon attended
10 that.
In his inside breast pocket he carries
"a hind foot, taken from a rabbit killed
IN country churchyard, at midnight
when the moon was FULL by cross-eyed
Ieo-headed niger. This is guaranteed
''to cure all ills accomplish all good pur-
roses, and fill long-felt want"
The deacons hat is punched full of
holes, although it is new, not because
4iN - q AOl-u6dueU man, DuI because he
crank on ventilation in hats as well
as houses. He thinks the church. for ex-
ample is not well ventilated, unless every
window is wide open and there's a gale
OF wind blowing through, enough to run
the organ without bellows and to blow
al the hymn books to the sky
He does not wear sackcloth and ashes
for his sins, but he does wear red flannel
shirts for rheumatism. It's medicated
e. 81
cause there is efficacy in that color
Years ago he had all the windows in
his house glazed with blue glass because
II was said that that would cure or pre-
vent every disease in the whole list.
Later the panes that had not been broken
out We're taken out and red glass put in.
Thus the atmosphere of somber blue was
replaced by a lurid red of more cheerful
aspect
The red glass cost a good deal to begin
With. but 1t was supposed to save money
IN the end, because red glass makes a
room look warm, whether it feels warm
or not. Folks seing this furnace-like at
mosphere naturally concluded that the
room was warm, even though they might
be shivering with cold, and this saved
fuel for the deacon. But it didn't work
III the kitchen; appearances wouldn't
make the kettle boil or broiI the steak
III NSNDAS Nilt CO4u w dl6T was served
from yellow-glass water bottle because
water put in yellow glass bottle and set
IN the sun becomes cathartic so says the
deacon, and that is cheaper than castor
oil or EPSON salts, and much pleasanter
to take if it hasn't been kept too long.
AS for seidlftz powders, the deacon has
no use for them. They are too expensive
and too nice. The deacon's father. bv
the way, was one of those strict disci
nina ria nc xx1,o
use anaesthetics to relieve suffering and
pain, because, forsooth, that is a vista
ton by God, according to the old wav of
looking at it, a divine punishment for
mans iniquities
The deacon has no love for doctors of
medicine, anyway. He says they are all
humbugs; he wants something that is
some good; that horse chestnut, for ex-
ample, that he carries in his pocket, he
Knows mas cured his rheumatism, and all
the doctors in the world can't prove ia
him that it hasn't. Doctors, he saws. are
dogmatic; but he's worse than dogma tic.
he is a Observation-Disclosures
TO argue with the deacon on the fol1v
OF his charms is to argue with the wind
to lose time and patience and still leave
him -unconvinced by the most conyincinp
arguments. It's like fighting a punching
bag which, though it is filed with wind
ehA"SSS NOhASo OeGh DIT you Wnen Hit
it, and sometimes comes back hard
though it hasn't the science of BOXING
within it.
The deacon's wife laughs at the dea-
Gems whims, but she puts her faith In
signs. She's afraid to have thirteen sit
down at the table. but whether she's
most afraid of death or that there viii
not be enough to go around is a olies.
ten difficult of solution. She won't 90
under a ladder because her plans will he
upset, in consequence of this unluclSy
move although the greatest danger
seems to be that paint pot may be IN.
set. NP
She put horseshoe over the door for
good luck. but luck was coy and wouldn,i
be coaXed, for the very first person ID
enter was the minister There was MOTH.
ing wrong about that but the horseshoc
fell on the minister's head and nearIy
cracked his crown and bounded off and
broke the mirror. That was a dreadfn
thing, for she was certain that someonf
would die within year, while the min.
lister thought he would die in a noinuta
The sign failed, however. but the dea
con wouldn't buy another mirror: he sal
his wife secured the pans SO bright thai
she didn't need a mirror and a tin psr
was safer because it couldn't be eraoked
and thus save the anxiety of suspense