The St. Johns herald., 1901-06-29
GOOD Short Storie5

The late Ignatius Donnelly was once rudely interrupted in the course Of political speech by head of cabbage thrown from the audience. Gentle
 men," he said, mildly, 'I only asked
 your ears; don't care for your heads
 Years ago, when Bret Harte. fresh
 from the Pacific slope. heard the list
 of famous men living at Cambridge. he
 said to Mir. Howells: "Why, you
 couldn't fire revolver from your front porch anywhere without bringing down a two-yolumerr'
 An interesting story is being told Of Queen Alexandra, which Is typical Of the woman. Some one at Osborne ad- dressed her as your majesty" the day after Queen Victoria passed away '"There cannot be two queens" she re- marked, adding that she wished to be called ''her royal highness" until after the funeral of Queen Victoria
 Two rival manufacturers of French coffee met before a judge The latter took up one of the contestants empty tins, and said: 'I do not consider this an honest label. On the front you place in large letters, Pure French Coffee and on the back in small let ters-in very small letters-you print. "A Compound of Chicory,' etc" The person thus addressed unused for a mo ment. Then he said, quite meeklys But will your lordship kindly explain to the jury by what means you distin- guish between the front and the back of round tinT
 Queen Victoria was fortunate in hay ing as her first prime minister and con stitutiOnal tutor in one, Lord Mel bourne. That statesman's profanity characteristic of the age when every body damned eyerybOdy's eyes-and other personal peculiarities have loom ed so large in story and legend as to obscure the real sagacity and accom- plishments of the man. Perhaps his sharpest collision with her was on the point of the title which her husband. Prince Albert, was to be given The Queen strongly wished the prince to be made king consOrt by act of Pariia- ment. Melbourne evaded the Issue as long as possible, but her majesty finally insisted upon a categorical answer. -I thought 1t my duty to be very plain with her." said the premier afterwards "'I said, For Gods sake, let's hear no more of it, ma'am; for if you once get the English people into the way of making kings, you will get them into the way of unmaking them"
 One night Hon. William ID. Faulke. in a speech before a small meeting in Indiana, when James D. Williams and Benjamin Harrison were opposing can didates for the governorship. related the following story: ''Mr. Williams. who was then a member of Congress, was one day washing his hands at one of the lavatories in the Capitol. when an attendant handed him three towels. He sighed at such wanton extrava- gance, and exclaimed: Why, down at my farm make single towel last the whole familya week." In the East this was considered a good story, but Mir. Faulke was astOnished to see that there was not a smile upon any of the faces before him; indeed, the countenanees took on even a deeper gloom On his way home, as they drove through the woods, his companion said to him- "You didn't make great hit with your story about Blue Jeans'' family towel" ''No, didn't seem to-" Do you know whyT "No." 'Well. I'n tell you. There wasn't farmer in that crowd that hadn't done the same thing himself"