Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1901-06-01
KEPT TALLY on FIBS.
THE ASTONISHING RESULT OF ONLY
ONE DAY OF COUNTING.

lean Is Il hopeless and inrurr. .iblc and
unmitigatod lIar?" said an amateur
cync Of BarJnnc street. Il don't mean
he lies vicioJSly but Suavc mclducily
glidrS off the end of his tongue aS cas-.
lily rs molassrs flows from Spigot on
warm day in summer. He does it un.
consciously, habltually. automatically
just rs his lungs expand and his
heart palpl,ntcs and his hair crows,
without amy special attention from the
rest of his system. He does it because
he can't help it, The thing has bccom"
second nature,
Il had all this brought home TO me-"
continued the amateur cynic. "hy Il
very simple little experiment which
tried on myself and II few others no
longer ago than yesterday morning
Did You ever see Il pocket counting ma
chine: Well. it's Il little device shaped
lik" Il watch Whenever YOU press the
stem the needle on the dial jumps
point, and il registers in that way up
to several thousand on the principle Of
cyclomrtcr They are used by any.
body making long counts and are very
handy, because they never forget where
they leave Off.
But. to come to the point. some.
thing happened to remind me of our
national v!"e of untruthfulncSs as |
was getting UP yesterday and det""-
mined to keep tab ON myself and as.
certain, if possible how many actual.
out and ont lies | put into circulation
in the course Of the day | CHANGED TO
have one Of the little counting ma.
chimes have just mentioned, SO slip.
ped it into my pocket and started out,
"'rhe first lie told was right at the
door. Smithson was passing and stop
ped to shake hands. Hello old man"
said I. Delighted to see YOU when as
matter Of fact | was dcuccd sorry to
see him, because | owe him ten.
gave the counter a squeeze and hur-
ricd on, but before got to the Office |
had logged it nine times.
what did jog it for, did you ask?
Oh, trivialitieS, mere trivalities, but at
the same time point blank lies, every
one of EN-. Whenever | opened my
mouth ont dropped some COMPOUNDED
hypcrbolc. | told Jones the joke he in
sisted in springing on me was the best
| ever heard and then made Il double
tally in assuring his wife she was look
ing remarkably we'll when she was
looking exactly like scarecrow. !
told another friend never laughed so
much in my life as had at something
or other, ] don't remember now what,
and still another that | hadn't slept a
wink for three nights when had ncu-
ralgia latcly--all lies, bald lies. in spite
of their hnrmlcsSneSs.
"Whcn l reached the office and look
ed at the dial, | was Mortified. Good
heavens" said to myself. 1T seems
to be physically impossible for me to
speak the plain truth in the paltriest
matters. III just remain perfectly
quiet for half an hour and keep check
on Boggs.'
"Roggs is our head hookkeeper and
pillar in one Of the suburban church
es," continued the amateur cynic. He
er. cutivntcs sandy side whiskers, car
rics a Bingham umbrella, belongs to a
building and loan association and has
all the other marks Of severe respecta.
b.lity. | had supposed him to be the
QuintcSscnce Of cast iron veraclty, but
when | sat down In cold blood to put
him on record | was astoundcd at the
blase fashion with which he frivolcd
with the truth. | pushed the button
on him Is times in 81 minutes; then he
got into whispered conversation with
a caller, and lost the thread Of his
remarks. But l am certain If ! had
been In earshot the counter would have
had hard work keeping up with the
procession.
THAT relieved my mind somewhat,
and later on, when made quiet test
Of several of the other fellows In the
office, I came to the conclusion that |
was no worse than the average, but the
average was pretty tough AS far rs
my Investigations went, the invoice
clerk held the record He Is gulleless
sort of chap, with modest manners and
a frccklcd nose, and | never supposed
he bad any Imagination concealed in
his peg topped Uranium, but he forced
me to push the Indicator up exactly -
times in - minutes During the last
part Of the stretch, however he was
trying to trade off a secondhand bcy-
Gle. and that naturally swcllcd the re-
turns.
"Of course | soon realized that the |
idea of keeping count on my own men, |
dacity was entirely impractical and |
abandoned the effort, but the other
data has furnished me with abundant |,
food for thought. My brother-n-law,
by the way, insists that we would |
make great mistake in trying to
weed these flowers Of fable out Of our |
daily speech. He says we lie continu-
ally and systematically because every
body else lies. and a man who would |
start out to tell the plain, cold, raw,
rectangular truth about everything in
life would be little better than an an
archst. He would upset all establish
ed standards of value and make 1t nee
essary almost to rccast the language.
Besides, nobody would believe him.
But my brothcr-in-law is doctor"
added the amateur cynic thoughtfully,
"and maybe that makes difference"
New Orleans Times Democrat.
Chinese Era.
Tho "ChinpSp ora" bppinS r. q Cf07