The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1901-07-19
TOLD IN A LINE.

Chicago Record Herald: Pinching
Bug-Say, it is silly for you to wear
your headlight on behind. Lightning
BUg-NOt at all. I'm aWfully nervous
about rear-end collisions.
They have a new drink in Colby
that is composed Of hard cider. alcohol
and water. It is said that one glass
makes a man ready for a frOlic, two for
fight, three for the undertaken.
A doctor in New York hospital who
was caught kissing q nurse would not
be ia 50 much danger Of losing his job
If the nurse had been old and scraggy
Instead Of being young and pretty
Back east an apiarist has produced a
stingless bee, but the trouble is that
the person who is assaulted has no way
Of knowing whether il is a stingless
bee or a regular bee until afterward-
Ladies may be induced to exercise
especial care TO keep out Of the Kan
sas penitentiary by the discovery by
the warden Of that institution that
prison life is hard on the better class
Of women.
A trust has decided to restrict Ken
tucky's whisky output to . million
gallons a year, which means that it viii
be necessary to 60 to Kentucky to get
one drop to escape.
Mary ate jam, Mary ate jelly, Mary
went home with a pain IN her --.
Now don't get excited, don't be mis-
led, Mary went home with a pain in
her head. From "the New Rhymes Of
Mother Goose" by Frances Cole.l
How California women keep so
young has long been a mystery, but
Mrs WOrthingtOn, of Monterey, ad-
dressing a wOman's meeting explained
that she had celebrated her seventeenth
birthday twice. This was better than
celebrating up to "a and then stopping.
At Eldorado the physicians of the
town have agreed among themselves
not to bid for the job of dOctOring the
county poor. Their proposal to the
county commissioners is that each pa
tient shall be permitted to select his
own physician, whom the county must
pay at the regular rates.
The weather report for June issued
by the University of Kansas shows
that the mercury reached 80 degrees
on Is days, nine more than the aver
age number, and the greatest mum Der
ever recorded for June. The total
rainfall for the month was only 40
inches, and one-third the June aver
age.
A Phillipsburg man has brought suit
against a girl who Tilted him for ex-
penditures incidental to his cOurtship
as follows: Ice cream, 5000; oysters,
So; church contributions, SL35; Fourth
of July dinner, S2.25; jewels, $3.50;
money loaned, So; total, ST 80. 1t may
have been the ice cream that caused
the GOODNESS between them.
Cole Younger, one of the Younger
brothers who were parOled from the
Saltwater, Mimi, penitentiary last
week after serving % years for being
in the Mortified raid, is said to have
declared that there is two things he
wants to see before he dies-a trolley
car and girl on a bicycle. Few PEG
pie realize the number of utilities that
have come into use and are common
sights to-day that % or even 10 years
ago were unheard of.
Editors may not be so bad as other
people think. The Prison Mirror, pub
lished In the Minnesota penitentiary,
says: "Why is it that from our first
inception Of our paper until the pres
ent time we have never had an editor
sOjourn in our midst? Other prOfes-
sions have been we'll represented; of
preachers we had enough to furnish
subsistence to an African chief for a
year; doctors enough to depOpulate q
state; enough lawyers to start a fair
sized colony in hades, but no editors
not single on.
Judge Woods, of the United States
circuit court, who died at IndianapO-
lis recently, had been on the bench for
q years. When Debs and the Amer
lean Railway union tied up the rail
roads in Chicago in 1894, Judge Woods
issued an order restraining that or
ganization from interfering with the
railroads. Debs and others disObeyed
the Injunction and were sent to Jail.
The result was that Judge Woods be-
came most unpopular with the labor
element. The supreme court sustained
the judge in ali that he had done.