The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-09-29
CRANKS IN CROWDS
WHITE HOUSE IS A RENDEZ.
VoUS FOR ALL VA
RIETIES
HANDLED WITH DIPLOMACY
Most of Them Are Harmless and
Parade Amusing Eccentrici-
ties-Some Are Dam
gerOus.

the White house is a magnet for cranks
of all sorts and descriptions, male and
female, says the New York Sun. In the
main they are harmless and their idiosyn-
crasies are on the humorous side, and
the doorkeepers and the secret service
men about the executive mansion know
how to deal summarily with them. They
are shunted out of Washington on the
double quick. But while there are more
. of the apparently dangerous cranks than
the public ever hears anything about,
they are certainly not SO numerous as
might. be expected, considering the ac
feasibility of the White house to every
body and the democratic manner in which
the crowds aocking to it are handled.
While congress is in session hardly a.
day passes without half a dozen persons
who are obviously wrong in their heads
attempting to gain the presidents ear.
Many of these afflicted individuals are
men and women who have repaired to
Washington to push imaginary or totally
unfounded claims against the federal gov
eminent, and whose i'll success in such
efforts has added their poor twisted
brains more than ever. In besieging the
White house doors their one idea is to
obtain an opportunity to tell the stories
of their claims to the chief magistrate
and invoke his assistance in the further
ing of them in congress. These never
reach the president, of course, but most
of them are content when they are re-
ceived with ceremony and consideration
not to say solemnity, by the doorkeepers,
even if they are thus gradually famed
into the outer air.
None Of the cranks who go to the
White house is turned down hard by
the attendants. By diplomacy, as ex-
perience has proved, they are best got
rid of, and most of them are SO over
whelmed by the salaaming Of the self
| contained attaches about the doors, that
far from feeling badly over it, when they
| find themselves gently edged out they
I depart with beaming countenances and
| in a highly-fattered state of mind.
| A good-looking, well-dressed man of
| middle age, whise face, however, wore
| a steady faced grin and whose eyes had
| a. queer look in them, Sauntered up to the
| White house door one afternoon In the
! second winter of President Mckinley
first incumbency. He had an unlighted
| half-smoked cigar in his teeth.
"Howdy," said he, pleasantly, to the
! tall doorkeeper who swung the door open
| for him. "Bill in?'
The doorkeeper replied that the presi-
! dent was out driving.
TOO bad, too bad sighed the man
| with the queer grin and the odd eyes.
"Durn the luck-that's what I say!'
The doerkeeper politely asked him If
his business with the president was so
pressing as all that.
| eyes, replied the visitor, mournfully,
! sit is. AS you see,'' holding out his I'M
| lighted, half-smoked cigar, my weed has
/ gone out. [ wanted Bill to give me
| light. He promised me in the year 1854
| at the battle of Hastings-which, as You
| remember, / won hands down-that II
| ever my cigar went out, all I'd have to
L = erat
| a light. Too bad, too bad!' And the
| man again sighed miserably.
ttWait a minute, said the doorkeeper,
| 81 hear the rattle of the presidents car
| riage-he's coming in the back way. I'll
| see him., and, leaving another attendant
to keep an eye on the man with the in
effaceable grin, he slipped into the pas
sage, lighted a cigar, and. after waiting
a moment, returned With it In his hand.
. Mr. McKinley's renewed assurances Of
| his most distinguished consideration.
! said the doork esper, with great soIemnity,
! holding out the cigar, land here is his
cigar from which he begs that you will
/ accept light for your own"
7 There was an expression almost of rap
+ ture on the mans face as he took the
cigar and applied the burning end of it
| TO his own. He returned 1.-The president s
4 cigar" placed both of his hands upon his
| chest and bowed deeply to the door
! 1xeener. who returned the kowtow as cere-
ANONYMOUSLY and backed out saying:
! "Tell Bill to join me with the army in
| Flanders at twenty minutes past o CLOCK,
moon time.
Then he passed out putting vigorously
1 at his cigar and he never appeared at the
/ White house afterward, contrary to the
| expectations of the doorkeepers, who had
| figured that he'd be dropping in every
| day for a bit of the fire from re presi-
| dents cigar.
| Not long before the battle of Manila
1 BAY. a tall, Misunderstanding man with
gray hair and clear steady gray eyes,
| strolled up the walk leading to the main
! entrance to the White house, swinging
| his walking stick jauntily. 1t was at an
afternoon hour when visitors were not
| received at the executive mansion and
| one of the doorkeepers, who happened to
/ be emerging from the executive mansion,
| stopped the man and courteously inquired
| if he was on his way to see the presi-
| dent
yes, replied the dignified-looking gray
haired man, confdentially buttonholing
| the doorkeeper. .I desire particularly to
| see him in order to furnish Inn with
finaniaf assistance for the prosecution of
the war. Perhaps you do not recognize
me-" he went on, lowering his voice, but
am the world-famous King Midas-my
surname's Golddust, but that's imma-
terial This gigantic copper kettle, "
| pointing to his head, which, as you nc
doubt observe, is 300 feet in circumfer-
| ence, is filed to overlooking with pure
| gold coins, each of which has a market
value of seven quadrillions of dollars