Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1901-07-19
THE SODA FOUNTAIN CLERK.
An American Solomon Considers Thi
Unhappy Individual.

Consider now the meek and humble
soda fountain clerk.
Who dra weth off the moiStened air
with nimble turn and jerk;
His garb is always spotless white
when first he puts it on.
But 10. before an hour hath passed
it's spotlessnesS hath gone.
For then he hath vanilla on the
bosom Of his vest, and streaks of red
i.as pberry make his trousers seem a
jest.
While chocolate and ginger give 4
tigerlike effect to the balance of the
garments in which he is proudly
decked.
His hair is limp and languid and is
parted square and true
Above the very center Of his nose.
which turneth blue.
Because he hath to linger in the acid
and the ice. to fix up funny mixtures
for the one that hath the price.
| He maketh strange connections in
| the line of fancy drinks. and all the
while he watches for persuasive sorts
| of winks.
From early morn he twisteth at the
soda water spout. and turneth the ice
| crusher till the ice hath given out.
| He diggeth in the ice cream and he
rusheth with the glass. while his dead
lily hated rival buys the soda for the
lass.
Yea. rerily. the soda clerk he hath a
sorry time for he must know the way
| to get nine cents out of each dime:
| And he must he n hustler. that there
I
water. or he'll tremble at the boss.
How often. @. how often hath the
soda jerker grinned at the one who
payeth nickels for a penny's worth of
wind:
How often. o. how often. doth a calm
and peaceful smile go fitting Ger his
visage when a drink goes out of style.
But ah. alas. my son. sometimes he
feeleth very bad, and then is when the
ladies come with garments rich and
glad.
The ladies fill the rockers and the
doorways and the stools, and insist
upon liquid that both elevates and
cools.
And one declareth that she'd like
some chocolate with cream. and when
he draweth it. Straightway 20, no.
the maid doth scream.
| And then she vOweth that she hath
already changed her mind. and want
eth Just a phosphate with a piece of
lemon rind.
And. yet. again the other maids de-
clare. they do not know just what they
wsll-and on and on their mild objec-
tons flow.
80, al
gesteth this and that, from plain old
lemon phosphate to a dose of antifat.
And finally the ladies fair with one
consent conclude that chocolate and
cream shall be their soda fountain
food.
Now, when he draweth all the
drinks. his troubles are not done
Nay. verify. my trusting child, they
are but half begun.
For each and every maiden there
doth straightway rise and say:
Now. girls. IN think it's awful if
you do not let me pay"
And all protest. and all object, and
all their plans defend.
And no a one takes out her purse her
lovely cash to spend.
Now, finally. the soda clerk suggest
eth that each maid shall pay for what
she drank-and then beginneth the
TRADE.
For all the ladies vow in wrath-yea
yea. they almost sob-that they will
see his employer and take from him
his job
And then they take their parasols
and sternly go away. and not a cent OF
all that bill do they take steps to pay
The gentle soda fountain clerk. he
falleth in d daZe. and leaneth on the
richy tube. and wicked things he says
Is this not true. just as we have com
posed it,, with much work?
1t surely is-and if you doubt, go ask
the soda clerk.-Josh Wink in Balti-
more American: