The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1901-08-23
ROUTING OF An AUNT.

Sweetheart said my husband one
evening soon after our marriage. as we
sat in the pleasant twilight chatting with
his old college chum, lit is always well
to be prepared for the worst. Fore.
warned-you know the rest: and l have
an uncomfortable sense of impending
doom which will completely overwhelnl
ourselves if we don't meet it with q
brace. A nervous shock is always an
unwelcome visitor, even in doctors
family, 50 ! think it only fair to warn
you. l have an aunt--SOle survivor of
her species. / hope. Her most marked
chara cte1istic is an uncomfortable desire
to regulate other peoples affairs. She
appears suddenly in your midst, takes
able opportunity turns UP keeps on crush
ing you. your spirits and your habits. /
fear this devotion to her family will lead
her to take us in hand. And if she does
we're in for it. for she is not likely tG
find better field for action in some
time, for l haven't an unmarried relative
left: So prepare for the onslaught
Child! That is a trifie which she new
er considers: if she did she'd never leave
home. Anyhow, though the outlook is
bad, we're three to one. and perhaps we
may contrive to Dust her. If my own
powers of invention fail me. You'll step
in the breach, won't you, Fred?'
Fred Brent, at that time our guest,
cious detraction, such fendish plots I
trust it may never again be my lot to
listen to. l was dumfounded by the spite
these two fellows displayed, the more so
as l placed small credence in the exagt
gerated accounts my husband had given
me of Aunt Jem's peculiarities. l was
soon to be undeceived. Less than a
week after this conversation Jem ap-
peared in the library with doleful coun-
tenance and an open letter.
Il told You so. Annie. Aunt Jem is
coming. and I'm to meet her at the 1870
train" he groaned.
Jim departed manfully to his unpleas-
ant task and Fred and spent the inter
val peering curiously between the half
closed blinds at the passersby. A rattle
over cobblestones and an impatient
Whoa announced my husbands re-
turn. The poor man sat swathed in
umbrellas. three trunks crowded the roof
Of rickety cab, and a red-faced driver
was engaged in meekly obeying the di.
tee Ess seehf 81 a il H aSe Fiat oa} d Sd
confusion appeared a tall angular won+
l
a hideous brown shawl. Prudence con-
quering desire, | came forth to greet my
unwelcome guest, convinced on the in
slant that Jim's descriptions had in no
wise done her justice.
$50 this is your wife? thought she'd
be very different-yol used to be so fond
Of strapping blondes, Jim. Do you re-
member the one you rushed at Exmore %
And she giggled unpeasantly, revealing
q Of ohx-;n,1c1x. fol
minded me of nothing so much as row
Of tombstones.
Ny husband grew white with rage
Never mind, my dear" continued
Aunt Jem. Il think I'll soon feel quite
at home with you. I'll try to make my
self useful. so your husband can count
upon my most energetic support and as
siStance.'
Excuse me. aunt: that will be quite
unnecessary. MY friend, Mr.. Brent: nv
aunt. said my husband.
Aunt Jem rested pair of disappearing
eyes upon the unhappy Fred.
<,,. "A visitor; hey: How unpleasant in
6a9p r smal IL mouse :,< suppose I'm to
certainly. Aunt Jem: Martha will
take You upstairs at once.' Aunt Jem's
nose wrinkled disdainfnLy as she neered
into the little room allotted her, adioin-
ing Fred's. ''O'o'A
Il hope your friend won't stay long. I
prefer. his room to this one In the
the wall, pull out that table and take
away this chair. must have Il leather
covered rocker instead, and some dark
curtains at the window, and
But at this juncture l fed to the
kitchen and sought to sti1e my forebod-
ings with the thought of the nice din
4er mad prepared. But scarcely had
l fpv-
\ Aunt Jem's nose came shifting through
the door, usn
Fish! I know you don't prepare it
10 SUIT me. And veal cutletst You
must put little onion in the batter I
always like it that way. And whit have
ha r mere tn nroa R,ee: Never eat it: You'll
me- ee'dPle 1or
Inls continued during the fol}ovin9
doctors reception room. even h nas
1m1ents' EEL beneath Aunt Jem's criticism.
~ daen criticism passed to complaint Icom-
1hat to TO fault-hnding. Our timid hints
NO. ma, , net presence was unwelcomd fell
termined to take rs in charge! n y u in
charge she did take us. and th9t 9TH q
nenHeance. -. My faithful! ;I,aid-tf-ali-
e work rebelliousiy announced that the
au :.4 OF she must leave the kitchen.
had e ean STAND her. ma'am, at ali. It's
iG D %r sn but to tell me look like fool
!. And Ikatie's vail rose to wild Irish
rescue. nosoand u the
,om Ibis thing has got to STOP" Jim an
aoun that evening. ''Home is become
a nightmare. and I'll be hanged if RI
Jay inc bills for that old freaks amusc-
Rlght you are.'' chimed in Fred: cts
'nouSh to drive us all mad. Well have
~ ADOPT drastic measures, and vote We
'e T1 TINS very evening"
Inc vote seconded and sustained, ac-
ap promptly followed. The two mer
a oored mysteriously up and down thu
tairs: carrying great Jars Of Chemicals. |
lntll they succeeded in arousing volley
7 curious questioning from Aunt Jem
33ut neither vouchsafed her any informa-
ion. and soon afterward they .bolted |
themselves in Fred's room, leaving the
nemy with one eye glued to the keyhole.
''oon cloud Of smoke filtered through |
ne cracks and skeyholes, pungent with