davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27

there TO meet him because he had
not heralded his Coming. He wanted
to give the Town a Big Surprise, for
he believed that the News Of his Arri-
val would Spread like wild Fire and
probably Business would be Suspned-
ed He walked over to the CONNER
cial Hotel and there was the same old
Proprietor tilted back by the Stove,
smoking a Connecticut Perfecto.
DO you remember me?" asked the
bearded Stranger, with a condescend-
ing Smile.
well. WELL" said Mine Host, arising
to shake him by the Hand. "How's
Tricks in Duluth?"
Il do not reside in Duluth" said the
Famous Person. more or less Stunned.
philadelphia is my home"
81 don't Rickollect who it wuz tellin'
me that you had a nice Place in a
Bake-Shop at Duluth?" said the Hotel
Keeper. Il guess he got you mixed
up with somebody else l know one
of the Boys that left here about the
Time you did is in Duluth and another
one is Tendin' Bar in Keokuk."
AT is was evident that the Proprie-
tor of the Commercial had not kept
Step with the March of Events, the
Celebrity went up Street and soon en-
countered a Grocer, who had been his
Schoolmate.
How are you, Hem" said the Gro
Ger. What brings you back here?
Are you looking for Job?"
Il am here on Visit" said the
Great Man, attempting to conceal his
Humiliation.
What are you driving at now?'
asked the friendly Grocer. Was il
you or Yves Kittleson that runs a Bar
Der Shop in Toledo?"
1T must have been Wes," said the
distinguished Person, family.
At that Moment the Grocer's Wife
came along and the Great Man from
Philadelphia identified her as one of
the Girls whom he had taken home
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27

that it even Knocked the Preachers
eye out
Then he slid out and played Seven
Up and Poker with his Friends in 16
different places and his Friends drank
as Usual. He commenced to get Down
to Bed Rock. for it took many good
old Samoleons to keep the Racket go
ing.
But his Friends patted him on the
Back and said, You have Dead
Cinch." Then they all drank. The
Day before Election several thousand
of his Friends said to Him: You are
the same as Elected, go Home and
Sleep like Child, for it will be IMAM
imous.'
He Knew that this was True. be-
cause everybody He met as Going to
Vote for Him. He was Surprised that
He had so many Friends.
But the day after Election.-poor
Man; he felt like a cold, soggy buck
wheat Cake, Everything he saw Look
ed like Tombstone He had been
Showed under until he was Clean out
of Observation.
Moral-Cletus Hauser was Right
BARON JONES.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27
Modern fables.
THE MODERN FABLE OF THE
GREAT AMERICAN HUSTLER.
BY GEORGE ABE.

Copyright, 1901, by Robt Howard Russell.
A feverish Gentleman whose Coat
Tails stood out behind Him like Pen
dants one day Butted his Way along
the crowded Street. His Hat was set
on the Back of his Head and his Eyes
rolled in a fine Frenzy AS he Loped
along he took well-worn Letters and
kilograms out of one Pocket and put
them in another 1t seemed to be his
Busy Day. He was on his way to
Organize Mining Company with Ten
Million Shares of Ten Dollars each
and he expected to Bleed few Cap
italists before Twelve O'Clock.
While he was turning a Corner he
Invented Window-Catch which was
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27
Thinsum for tightening up the

Thingum for tightening up the
Clothes-Line"
Il don't remember any of Those"
did you get your Picture Of
Fish,"
Great Scott, no. What do I want
of Picture of Fish ?"
Every we'll regulated Establishment
must have Picture of Fish in the
Dining Room, to aid Digestion. Did
you buy any Camphor Balls?"
Not yet
ANY Furniture Polish?''
No"
An Egg-Beater, a Toast Fork or
Fancy Paper for the Shelves?" 4
I'm afraid not"
Il thought as much. Ny Young
Friend, if ever the Day comes when
you, as Married Man. can put your
Hand on your Heart and truly say that
you don't need Anything Else around
the House, and can get your Wife to
agree with you, come to me and will
hang a Medal on you"
MORAL: 1t is almost impossible to
be Truthful and net be Disagreeable.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27

destined to Reyolutionize the Home
Life of America.
Then he happened to think of all
the Money that could be made with a
Cure for the Pip in Chickens and he
stopped in at an Agency to get an
Estimate for fuil-page Display in
every Agricultural Paper in the Coun-
try.
After that lie went out and did
Dog-Trot around the Block three
times and when he was all out CT
Breath he chased into a Private Office
and sprung a Scheme for the lloilo
Trading Company. which was TO char
ter 10 Iron Freighters of $500 Tons
| Burthen each, to carry racked Wheat
Steam Beer, Goldene Jewelry and
other Home Products to the far dis
tant Isles of the Pacific. The Man
said he would take the Deal under
Amusement so the Promoter dashed
out to take a Car.
While he was riding on the Trolley
it occurred to him he might Consoli-
date all the Surface Lines If he could
get hold of the Stock He jumped off
the Car and fell up three Flights Of
Stairs to form an Alliance with a
Street Railway King, but the Latter
was too Busy to see him so he went
across the Hallway to ask an archi-
tect what it would cost to erect IA
Story Sky Scraper on Corner that he
had in Mind. The Architect gave him
Rough Guess. Borrowing a piece of
Paper. the Hustler figured that he
could Clean Up at least 9 per cent on
the Investment, 50 he told the Archi-
tect net to do anything until they
could have another Talk.
He went out and jumped across the
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27

Poor Lo can stand a good deal, but
he refuses to stand for the iron horse
In his territory. He has decided to
stop this pestiferous and noisy thing
called progress in also another direc-
ton, and will cut off the ears of any
Dne who leases lands to a progressive
pale face. The only concomitant Of
civilization which Poor Lo welcomes is
the white mans fire-Water. Given his
rife, his pipe and his jug he looks
upon all else as vanity and vexation of
lpirit.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27
BEER VS.. BOURBON,

During the debate in Congress on the
army canteen, which dispensed beer to
the soldiers, large array of testi-
nony was introduced to show the al
legged bad effects of beer on the human
system. Pure beer" said one expert,
lis 81 per cent. of water, 5 per cent.
OF alcohol, and 4 per cent. of malt ex-
tract, adulteration, hops, etc., not as
much nutriment in ten pints of beer
as in one slice of bread and BUTTER
Another stated the comparative effects
of beer and whisky thus: IF an
ounce Of alcohol is required to pro-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27
ANOTHER RAILROAD is
HEADED FOR WHEELING.
James II. Garaeld mad others Incor-
poratc Two Big New Companies.

James X. Garheid mad others Incor-
pOratc Two Big New Companies.
Special TO the Register.
COLUMBUS. O., January 26.-The
Lake Erie, Alliance & Wheeling Coal
Co., of Cleveland, filed articles OF In
corporation with the secretary of State
to-day. The capital stock is $4,000. 900.
The inoorporators are James r. Gar
field, w B. Uhl VIM. o. Matthews. A.
B. Garfield and Flayel Beckwith They
will develop coal and other minerals.
oil, gas, etc. and transport the pro-
ducts by hand ana water. Articles OF
incorporation were also filed by the
Lake Erie, Alliance & Wheeling Rail-
road Company, capital stock $4,000
0C0. The incorporators are II. "A. Gar
field. Fred G. Howe, Lee Seloyer, w.
Harper and a. j. Sweeney. They pro-
pose to build a railroad from Fairport.
Lake county, to Bridgeport, Belmont
county.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27

Piece for the Forum. had been invited
to deliver an Address in Boston. and
had been carrying on a Filtration with
a Lecture Bureau. 1t is small Wonder
that the Great Man anticipated Selfish
Pleasure in going back to Patronize
the Friends of his Youth and permit
them to crowd UP and offer Congratu-
lations.
When he alighted from the Train
there was no Reception Committee
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27
Must xot PoIiafe the Potomac.


Special 10 the Register.
NARTINSBURG w. Va. January
26.-Judge J. J. Jackson. OF the United
States Circuit Court for the Districe OF
West Virginia, issued an injunction
this afternoon against Hon. Joseph
Thropp. member Of Congress fro-s
PENNSYLVANIA. and others. owners and
operators OF the Virginia iron ore bank,
located on the south side Of the Po-
tOmae. a few miles from Harper'B
Ferry .forbiddIug them to longer pol
late the waters of the Potomac river, as
it Is alleged they have been doing for
a long time. by washing their iron ore
and running the waste water into the
river. The injunction was granted
upon the petition Of the Harper's
Ferry Wood Pulp Company, whose
plant is located just below the iron
ore bank. and who claim that their bus
iness has been injured by the pollution
OF the water.
Hon. Forrest w. Brown, Of Charles
Town. and Col James ID. Butt, Of Har-
per's Ferry, were counsel for the pulp
company.
The will Of the late Morgan w. Mar
tin was admitted ia probate to-day.
He leaves his real hesitate at Front
Royal to his mother. J ~ Evaleen Mar
tin. during her life. rhe remainder
Of his estate he divide equally among
his three children. HStson. Mr.. G. e
hartin. he names ~ exfator.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27

It having been discovered that we
didn't get quite all of the Philippine
group in the original deal, the Senate
has ratified a treaty to pay Spain an
additional 100000 for the islands of
Cibitu and Cagayan. We have already
paid s20,000,000 for the Philippines
lmbroglio. Now we are to have $780,
700 worth more of the same.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27
ECCLESIASTICAL LANDS.

Senator Hoor Asks the President foI
Information Regarding the Philip
pines.
WASHINGTON January 26.-ln the
Senate to-day, Mr. Hoar (Mass.) In
troduced and the Senate passed a reso-
luton asking for all information at the
command OF the President, or any e1-
ecutive officer Of the government. as To
the extent Of lands in the Philippine
islands held for ecclesiastical pur-
poses, the character and value OF such
lands and whether any Official had. on
behalf OF the government, entered into
any obligation as TO the titles Of such
lands.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27

The Nodera Fable OF the ChucEIe-
Headed Celebrity WAC Went Back
to His Native Town.
A Man who had attained Fame
boarded an Accommodation Train TO
go back to the Home Of his Childhood.
He wanted to return and Rub it In on
the Townspeople who had predicted
that he would never amount TO Hill
of Beans Twenty Years before, when
he started away to try and get Half
Nelson on the Great, Cruel World. the
Villagers had been making Book at
Even Money that he would land either
in the Poor House or the Pen. Instead
of which, he had made Name in his
Profession, had been elected Fellow
Of the Royal Society. had written .
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27
AN ASTONISHING LIBEL BILL.

The Pennsylvania Legislature has
compared to that which the supporters
Of the Grady libel bill urge it to do.
This measure, according to a Pennsyl-
rania contemporary amends the pro-
visions passed in 1897 permitting free
comment on the acts of men in public
position, by adding to each provision
he further condition that it shall not
be operative unless the matter pub
lished shall first be submitted to the
person criticised and his consent to the
publication obtained.
Imagine the situation under such a
law What a graft" for dishonest
legislators, whom it would protect
from exposure in the press, without
their consent, of any piece of crooked
legislation they might desire to slip
through. And we can see them giving
their consent to be exposed!
Imagine a newspaper that has un-
earthed some dishonest legislative
scheme going humbly to the dishonest
boss schemer and petitioning him to
allow himself and his scheme to be
shown UP in print! Imagine, also, said
boss schemer giving his consent to
the eXposure-if you have sufficient
Imagination.
There is no question that a law to
gag the press and shut off free speech
would be exceedingly popular among
large number of legislators in large
number of States. 1t would simplify
machine legislation nightly.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27
NELLY IN GOOD SPIRITS.

NEW YORK. January 26.----Charles
F. w. Nicely left Ludlow street Jail to-
day and was taken aboard a steamer
for Cuba. Nicely seemed to be in the
best of spirits He said: Il am glad
/ am going back TO Cuba, because
can explain everything and will be ac-
united ;"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27
REVENUE STAMPS STOLEN.

PEORIA. IL. January 26.-The of
fee Of the collector Of internal revenus
was broken open last night and a
large quantity OF war revenue stamps
taken. This district pays more inter-
nal revenue than any other In tho
country and It is rumored that the
vaults contained nearly $1,000. COO
worth Of stamps.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27
REGISTER AGENCIES.

WHERE THE REGISTER CAN BE
PURCHASED OUT OF TOWN.
CHARLESTON, w. Va Richardson
Book Store, Capitol Street, opposite
postoffice Hotel Ruffner News Stand
WASHINGTON, d. c. Queen News
stand. National Hotel
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27
SOME SABBATH SMILES.

II notice" said Uncle Allen Sparks. "a
couple of our learned professors have
found the secret of prolonging life. 1t is
simply to have plenty of salt in the sys-
tem If that's true-and I'm not saying
1t isn't-Lot's wife ought to be alive to-
day. Which, continued Uncle Allen, re-
hectively. II believe she is ot."-Chicago
Tribune.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-01-27

IF anybody tries to put skirts ON
me after I'm dead" says DR.. Mary
Walker, 'I'll haunt them!" What an
avenging spectre DR.. Mary would make
especially if her ghost wore trousers.