The Washington times., 1901-12-15
CURIOUS TRADE
IN MEMS NAMES
TESTIMONIALS MADE TO ORDER.
Thriving Business Done by Smart
Young Fellow In Washington.
Signatures of Statesmen, Ac-
tors, nnd Clcrgymen.


Dealer in Testimonials" is the title
engraved on FURNISHED brass plate fas
tened TO a door leading into a suite oi
richly furnished office rooms in n modern
office building on busy Street. This new
venture is presided over by an elegantly
dressed young man, who is also the pos
1 SCISSOR of glib tongue. When requested
/ TO give an idea OF the new enterprise and
| its scope, the young man at first hesi-
tated, but finally consented.
Horace Walpole, he began, well knew
/ what he was talking about when he said
that every man has his price. It's the
greatest truth that was ever told. No
doubt it viii be disputed by the majority
Of the very ones against whom the immor-
! tai Horace hurled this impeachment. But
TO come to the point; you wish to know
my business? don't think that's exactly
fair, unless you tell me your business.
But / see you newspaper people deal in
other peoples affairs and deal in other
peoples testimonials. We are therefore
kin and kindred, at least in one line. and
/ will tell you something that you prob
ably never knew before
Eager for Notoriety.
The young man with the glib tongue
continued as follows: 1T would no doubt
surprise thousands of the uninitiated to
hear that the majority of all testimonials
Of prominent men and women are pur-
chased by the manufacturer. or obtained
through the overwhelming desire of such
people TO see their names and pictures in
public print.
Careful enquiry among honest manu-
facturers." said the young man, reveals
the fact that they are constantly receiy-
ing pictures Of politicians. actresses, ac-
tors and Ministers, aye. ministers Of the
gospel, with letter requesting the firm
10 write such testimonials as they choose
over their name and publish the accom-
panying photograph with il. 1t is our
business TO furnish testimonials of promi-
ncnt men 10 patent medicine concerns, to
ham makers 10 aerated shoe makers, to
ventilated hat makers. to chest protector
makers and other enterprises that depend
for success to a very great extent on these
testimonials"
The Woman in the Case.
How do you obtain them?" was asked.
Very easy" was the reply. You know
that woman can do whole lot more
with man, than a man could. a young
widow, handsome. wiuscme, fascinating,
blond or brunette, is more successful in
our business than an unmarried young
woman. Why? Because she knows the
weakness Of man. and then a man very
seldom refuses the requests that may be
made Of him by charming young widow.
"Supposing ] want the endorsement Of
a member Of Congress for a certain brand
OF cigars The FIRST thing / do is to find
cut whether he is dark OF light com
plected. II he be Of the lighter shade, |
send the brunette widow, and II he be
of the darker hue my blond assistant
fills the bill to perfection. And they in
variably succeed"
who pays the costs incident to this
business ?"
he pays the costs whosoeyer orders
the testimonials, and every man has his
price" and with this the young man
handed the reporter a printed circular
and said: This explains the modus op-
erandi"
The following is a copy Of the circular
letter.
Regular Scale of Prices.
Dear sirs: am in a position to obtain
testimonials from Government officials.
Senators, Representatives. and their
wives.
"The testimonials from Judges Of the
Supreme Court or that Of a Cabinet
officer Cendorsed on official letter-head Of
their respective oHiccsj will cost from
S25 to $50 each; heads of army and navy
S25; Senators. so. Representatives and
heads Of the different departments and
Government Offices SO.
My experience in securing testimO-
malls for other remedies has been that
they are most difficult TO obtain from peo-
pie OF note. hence the high price. How
ever. if you will send me samples Of the
styles OF the testimonials you want, !
will take up the work at once.
IAN orders must be accompanied by
cash. Very truly" etc
4 Trick of the Trade.
Growing conddlng. the young man fur
ther said; Now, while this letter shows
how easy It is for any manufacturer to
obtain such testimony, it does not ex-
plain why so many hundreds of other
people, evidently honest In their belief,
give theirs. This. however. is easy to
understand II you viii look up the death
rate in your own city You viii ind in
all such cases that, that with the excop-
tion of consumption, there is not a dis
ease known in which the death rate ex-
ceeds Is per cent Of the persons afflicted
that is to say, eighty-ive out of every
hundred get well without any medicine
whatsoever.
"You will see, therefore, that a manu-
facturer who chooses 20 put up bread
pills. colored water. or any other equally
valueless article and advertise the same
is sure thaFTyery eighty-fye persons ou
OF hundred who take his remedies VIII
get well and give his medicine the credit
Of curing them"
The young man stopped abruptly and
said: Now. look here, young man I've
been telling you all about my business
row it's your turn to tell me the secrets
Of your profesh."
The newsgatherer thanked for the in
formation and bowed himself out.