The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1901-01-01
WHAT MADE HIM TIRED.
Exploits in PedestriaE5sm of an Ex-
pert BiIIiardist Around
the Table.

''It's smart wife who falls upon the
ways of her beloved" said J. G. Craw-
ford, drummer of New York billiard
house, to a Washington Star reporter
in one of the uptown hotels last even
ing; but | will give her a pointer or
two, so that when her lord and master
returns home from business so very
tired, she may call him down hard if she
knows ne is a billiard player.
''The size of the average billiard ia
bic is four feet six inches by nine feet
six inches, though the professional size
is five by ten feet. For the sake of
even numbers and the better to illus
trate to the unsuspecting better half.
l. will take the professional size.
"While billiard players usually play
by the hour, game is ordinarily of
so points. The rapidity with which a
game is finished depends upon the skill
of the players. If two players com
plete three games in an hour they are
doing good work on an average, and,
remember, it is only the average in this
estimate
I'VE will say that this particular hus-
band, in two hours play, makes $50
shots. We all know how some men
will walk two or three times around
or half around table before each shot.
Others take in the situation, and walk
only to get in position to cue their ball.
On an average we will say that this
man walks around the entire table but
once before each shot. He walks,
therefore, 30 feet at every shot. de
will also walk Is feet at every shot
of his opponent, telling him how to
make his play and lodging his cue.
That makes As feet for every shot, or
1850 feet for his afternoon walk
around the table, or about one and one
third miles.
I'm addition, he has had four cock
tails, and four more for his friend,
since he lost the games. He paid for
these also, and the five-dollar side bet
on himself. Altogether, his pedestrian
ism cost tramp of one and one-third
miles. one dollar for drinks and $40
for The two hours use of the table, if
the rate is $1.2O an hour, as it is in the
first-class places in New York-total,
$40.
''When he reaches home he lies to
his poor, little unsuspecting wife like
this:
"Cla1de-'My darling, I am so dead
tired from working like pack horse
this afternoon at the Office that you
must let me off for the show tonight.
aside If 1 hadn't made that side bet
on myself I'd have had the dough; now
I'm broke for The night
"Maude (whose pretty face is at once
drawn in lines of sympathy, and whose
accents are tremulous with solicitude)
Claude, dear, your head is just as hot
as it can be! You are really feverish.
Poor fellow! I will put this wet towel
on your forehead-SoI'
Claude - Working like troopers
now, Maude. I've walked five miles to-
day, if I've gone step. Sorry we can't
go out-but you don't mind staying in
when I'm not well, do you. dear? Of |
she catches my cocktail-perfumed |
breath it will take more than a new
hat to square myself this time).'
"Maude-'Not bit, you poor, i'll man
You must go right to bed-no? Not |
until you have had your dinner? Are
you hungry? AS a bear? And sick |
too? That's a popularity of the par
ticular kind of fever from which you
are suffering? Poor old chap! Thirsty |
and hungry! All right. Now for din
ner, then for the doctor and to bed. |
Poor mani
"And that's the way we have to talk
when we men are in hole, and want
to crawl out and not agitate little
Maude's tender heart too much"