Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-12-05
THE DAILY
SHORT STORY.
Honest Abe, u. S. M.
BY N. Quad.

| waiting for me at the gate, and as l
halted 10 hand him his paper he said:
Abe, you knowed that Mary had
been sick for the last four or five
months? WAL, she breathed her last
yesterday"
$50 she's dead? Poor thing! I'm
sorry for you. Uncle Jim
Yes. we've seen the last of poor Ma
ry. but I'm glad TO say she died happy.
/ don't suppose you can attend the fu-
neral tomorrow. but I'll tell you what
| you might do for me if you viii. She
won't no sooner be buried than every
body for five miles around Will be Won
derin how soon I'll get married agin
and who Ill take for a second wife.
They'll also be wOnderin how much
| Mary's gravestun cost and how soon
| it'll he up. You know how folks are,
Abe"
"Yes."
"Wa2l, now, you jest do this for me:
You jest tell 'em the graVestun is to
/ cost $24 and it'll be up within II month.
As for my marryin ag'in, tell 'em I'll
never do it-never. Tell 'em that If all
the gals and widders in four counties
around should set their caps for me it
wouldn't do any good. l shall send for
my sister Nancy TO keep house for me
and peg along alone"
promised him and drove on.
Uncle Joe Hatcher is one of the
school directors in his district, and as
1 drove up to his house he came down
to the gate with a family almanac in
his hand When we had passed the
time of day, he said:
Look here, Abe. I've got to hire the
schoOlma'am for the next term, and OF
course I've got TO ask her lots OF ques-
tions. I've got some of 'em down here.
but Marier saysI'm way off. She thinks
she's smartcr'n Il new blue pump. but
l guess men you together kin beat her.
When DID Columbus diskiver Amer
leap
I'm the year 1892. of course said.
DO you mean it, Abe? Don't joke
with me-"
That's the date, certainly"
That's what Marier says. but I've
got it down as 1914. and we jawed
about it for over an hour last night.
I'll be burned IL / wouldn't have bet all
my sheep ag'in Il pound of tea that
was right. but | must give in to you.
Bein as you represent the United
is the longest river in America, Abe:"
The Mississippi"
You don't say. l thought it was the
Hudson. and Marier says it's the Ohio.
and we got so mad over it the other day
that we wouldn't eat dinner together.
Which is the biggest city in the United
States?" ..-.....
New York."
me, The Teller who put up my wind
mill told me that indianapolis could
take in two towns the size of New York
and have lots OF room left. Beats all
what deceiVers you find in this world.
Was Benedict Arnold ever president of
the United States?'
"Of course not
Give it to me straight. Abe. Marier
says lie wasn't but I've bet her SIX
geese aG'in nothin that lie was"
set him right about it, and also cor
rected him as TO the highest mountain,
the number OF states and several
things. and when drove away he was
scratching his head and saying to him
self:
Il guess / must be next door to 4
fool, but I'm not Goin to let Marier
know IL and crow over me-"
saw at once that there was trouble
at Ben Hollis. and at the old mans
call L got down TO drink a glass of
milk and eat piece of blackberry pie.
''Is it a family" l asked.
Yes. sir. right in the family, and
we've agreed 10 leave it to you"
But 1 can't give you an official de-
cision. This United States govern
ment, of which am part. never med
dies with family matters. not even
when n man ticks his wife"
''rhen give us your private opinion.
Here's our Sue. who got married to
George Scott six weeks ago. She left
him last night and walked four miles
TO come home. He boxed her ears. and
she says she'll never live with him an
other day. 1 say she ought to go right
back"
what did he box your ears for?" 1
asked of Sue.
IL called him n liar" she replied.
eyes, called him a liar" added Uncle !
Ben, land / say lie had right 10 box. |
I'd box Hannah's ears il she called me |
that. Give her straight advice. Abe. |
Had she ought to have called him |
liarT"
Hardly"
''And he probably boxed while he
was mad?"
yes"
''And harder than he intended:"
Exactly"
'tAnd she ought to go back and say |
she's sorry. Then he'll say he's sorry. /
too, and they'll kiss and make up and
be as happy as two doves. Sue, you
go right back home with Abe on his
cart"
Sue looked at me with tears in her
eyes, and / nodded my head, and an
hour later / landed her in her hus-
bands arms. He was out at the gate
10 meet her. and he gave her a hug and
i kiss and exclaimed:
"Gaul durn it. Sue. but L felt so