The Independent. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1895-1905, 1901-07-12
AIDES Modern Fables

CIV q DoN II l>OOi ouN ~ foh w Il oh
Handle the Lady OF the House.
81 was Missionary in China,' he
said "The Boxers got away with
my Wife ard three Children My
ticket ran out at the Sandwich Is
auds and | had TO swim the rest Of
The Way. am now working to
ward Altoona, where my People are
in the Ice Business"
81 don't believsa Word Of it," she
said, in whitening Tones.
81 knew you wouldn't, so didn't
take any Pains with it," said he. 81
suppose | would have got the same
kind Of Bump il / had been
Flood Sufferer or Victim OF the
Trusts. | find that he New Woman
can no longer be got at by crude
Fiction. Since your S brgan 10
learn the Ropes you won't believe
anything Man tells you. You are
all from Missouri and they'v got to
show you. Perhaps you have seen
tae Joke in the Rsiubo Weekly
about the easy House wife who
w=eps at my Hard LACK Story and
gives ma Suit of Believers belong
ing to his Nobs and then makes me
wrap up few paragraphs OF Lunch
and take along with me. l am
hunting for her, but | never fad her
except when / am smoking. But
every Day / come across the One
that hands me few Statistics to
prove that there is General de-
mand for Labor, ask for Hand
Out and l get a Homily. Lovely
Woman has begun to Post herself
on Industrial Conditions and she is
no longer Workable. Consequently
am starving here in Land of
Plenty. The kind Brakemen per-
NIT mo to ride on the Bind Bag
gage or sit up on Gondola, where
the Coal is nice and Soft, but when
| alight at one Of these Towns
where they have Milk Cans stand
ing around and go out to tease
about fstful OF Chow, | encounter
Mrs. Foxy CUTLER, who reads the
Ten. Cent Magazines, and | get
nothing but language. Last Night
[ hal to Flop in the little red
Knowledge Box down at the corner.
1t was that or Pound my Ear on the
dewy Turf. Today my Digestive
Apparatus probably thinks that my
Throat has been cut. And yet,
when | come here and begin to hint
around about Solid Nourishment,
can see by the Minerva Clean in
your Eye that you are going to give
me that old Gag about saving a
Cord OF Wood"
SPY the sweat OFF began the
Lady OF the House.
III know the Quotation front
wards and backwards" raid the
Tourist. at is the perennial Stand
By of all the Shingles who want me
to do ST 10 worth Of Toll for plate
Of Cold Vittles that is no longer
good Tor anything hut Hash. II
aver am Sumiliated into Working,
[ won't take my Pay in Sweepings
from the Breakfast Table, and that's
no idle Bar Room Jest. will join
Union aud compel the likes of you
to pay me Cd oeuts an hour for
lighting my Pipe, But | cannot go
TO Work, Y,u have heard of the
Unemploy9 "a. We'll, | am one OF the
Disempl yed. The Unemployed are
aot working and tho Disemployed
ire under Contract never to come
down to it. don't dare to accep pit
dob or | would effAce the most
picturesque Type OF our Times aud
one that is a constant Inspiration to
the Vaudeville Actor. Besides,
am tn Ou|y Support of an Army OF
Editorial atd Space writer's who get
Good Money for their Stuff about
the Tranp Problem"
Il hadn't thought OF that" said
the Lady OF the House. 81 will
broil you Steak and then write a
Paper about you for our next Club
Meeting"