Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-11
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Clerk-I suppose you want a grand
piano. madam? Mrs. Wyndfall (dis-
dainfully)-Grand, I want a magnifi-
cent one.
will be gray If 1t keeps on. Scanty-
locks-Well, l hope 1t will keep on
Baltimore World.
She-So you went to see Hamlet? Do
you think Hamlet was mad? Hell
expect So. There wasn't over five
pounds in the house.
Friend-Each side Of the question
presents difficulties. Statesman-Ex-
actly! think I'll take bold stand on
both sides of the question.
Minister-Bridget, these potatoes
taste mouldy. Bridget-Yis, sorr, Oi
dare say, sorr-they set mkt to your
barrel o. sermons in the suller.
If doctor will whip his horse into
a mad gallop just before he turns the
corner to a woman patients home. he
will always keep her practice.
Pertinent and Impertinent: Doctor,
your tonic made a new man of me-"
"A new man? Well, how Is he off
financially ?'-Chicago Record Herald.
Ferdy-How much does 1t cost per
mile to run your auto? Algy-Well, it
costs about a cent a mile to run it,
and about ten dollars a mile to repair
1t.
"What are you doing thereY' cried
the farm dog as he observed the hen in
the coal bin. ''Oh, l thought this was
a good time to lay in COAL" cackled the
hen.
Kind: Mrs. Kingley-The dressmaker
says she won't make me another gown
unless you pay her bill. Kingley-
That's good of her. God bless her
Life.
Tough Party Tin hardware store)-I
wanted buy dog muzzle, see? Clerk
(afably)-All right, sir. What size do
you wear?-University of Chicago
Weekly.
''There is no doubt that this scheme
will pay" said the promoter. YES"
answered the purchaser of stock. 81
suppose so. But who is to get the
money"
Staidhome telling the news of the
village)-My nephew, Clarence Tum-
water. has become finished elocution-
list. Beenaway-That SO? Kill him
yourself?
"Our college colors are pink and old
gold" said Miss Frocks "Our college
colors were black and blue when | was
initiated into the secret society,"" added
her brother.
''Who is the smartest boy in your
class, Bobby?" asked his uncle. I'D
like to tell you, Uncle" answered Bob
by, modestly, "only papa says 1
mustn't boast.''
Bought Medicine Himself: "I've just
been drugged and robbed" said he: Il
think it is shamew The officer just
yawned and said: "What was the drug
gist's name?''-Life.
Ma-It's time we thought of Grace
getting married. She is already %
years old. Pa-Oh, let her wait till the
right sort of man comes along! Ma
Why wait? 1 didn't.
1 don't mind it under certain condi-
tions," replied the canal boat mule.
'sYou don't appear to like your exer.
else on the towpath." No. That's
where draw the line"
Hostess-Dear me! what shall l dor
Husband-Do? What's the trouble
now? Hostess-Why. our guest. Mr..
Stout, is so fat, and have nothing but
spare room to put him ln.-Illustrat-
ed Bits.
Chappie-Td just like to know what
you mean by being engaged to both
Cholly and ME at once. Miss Pinkie-
Why, bless me! there is no harm done;
you can't either of you afford to marry
me, you know.
GeneralStop that reporter. Aide
What! Don't you want him to send
home an account of your heroism? mo.
1 don't want to be an American hero
for a week and a punching bag for the
rest of my life"
He was obviously anxious, anu sue
seemed almost willing. 81 shall refer
you to papa" said she, with a becom-
ing blush, before giving you final
answer" ''But am perfectly willing
to take you without any reference"
said he, magnanimously.
Management: Don't you think you
lose patience with your husband on
rather slight provocation?" said the
near relative. 81 have to provoke him
sometimes" was the placid answer,
$50 that he will lose his temper, AMI
then give me anything want so as to
atone for the way he has acted"
"Huh~ exclaimed Mr.. Rox, after
reading his morning mail, "our boys
college education is making him too
blamed smart" whats the natter"
asked Mrs Rox. 81 wrote to him the
other day that l thought it would be
kinder for me not to remit the check
he asked for. Now he writes: Dear
Father-I shall never forget your un-
remitting kindness
If a father gave nineteen cents to