The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1901-04-21

decrepit Old Settler. commonly known
as Uncle Silas. had given up all Manner OF
Employment except TO Peg around and tell
other People what to do next. He was one
OF these County-Seat Oracles.
When he backed up to the Soft Coal
Stove i'm the Grocery Store and parted MS
Coat Tails and began 10 breathe Wisdom
every one else Sang Low. He would give
the National Administration a sharp Call
ing Down every few Days. and if the City
Council ordered any Improvements that did
not suit him ne spoke of the Body as
Passel of Lunkheads.
He knew how to cure Stringhalt and
Chilblains or make Flaxseed Poultice or
persuade Hen to Lay get the Wiggle-
Tails out of Rain Water. He liked TO prop
himself up against a Fence and give Or
ders TO some one who was trimming
Shade Tree. Before any of the Neighbors
sowed any Grass Seed or made Garden or
put Foundation under the House they al
ways went to Uncle Silas to get a few TIPS
as TO how they ought 10 go at 1t. III they
failed 10 do so he would come and lean
over the Gate and give them the Cackle and
tell them they were not doing it right.
Uncle Silas could guess how many Hands
high Horse was, and he knew what KIND
of Bait TO use for Goggle-Eyes. and that
Corn ought 10 be Planted in the Dark OF
the Moon. AS a Weather Prophet he was
Old Lightning. If Mckinley had listened
to Uncle Silas there wouldn't have been
any Trouble in the Philippines. and as for
that Nicaragua Canal Tomfoolery he said
he'd be Switched if he hadn't saw through
it from the Start. Uncle Silas was Just as
Spry as a Sparrow and Sharp as any Steel
Trap.
good many Young Folks came aud
squatted at the Feet of Uncle Silas so as
TO get Truth in the Original Package, and
he never Spouted more copiously than when
he was holding forth to the Fledgelings In
fact, the Younger and more Sappy the
Listeners the more elaborate was his Dis
course Among those who came to the
Free Dspensary TO get the benefit of Uncle
Silas's vast Experience was n certain He
Belle who had been Girling for five or six
Years and was about ready to do some
thing Desperate.
II want your Advice" he said after he
had given the living Landmark sallow
Cigar that had been warped by Exposure.
81 have got some Money in the Bank and
"A
velop into a Job. | think can support a
Wife IN the Style to which she has been &C
customed. providing she has not been ac-
customed to very much. but before shutting
my Eyes and doing the Plunge thought 1
would get your Opinion as TO the Move.
Do you consider IL a Wise Play?'
Uncle Silas looked at the Young Man out
of the Tail of his Eye and Chortled know
ingly.
1.-THE Smooth Citizen never gives Advice
on Family Matters said the Sage. Il am
ready to Gas freely on most Topics. but
when ii comes to a Question OF committing
Matrimony that is where | begin to Rack
and Fill ! am like my old friend Ben
Franklin, who told the Inquirer that every
Man sooner or later comes to the Parting
of the Ways. He must choose between the
broad and easy Path that leads TO Single
Misery and the straight and narrow Road
that leads to Married Unhappiness. AS
Ben expressed IL, no matter which Way the
poor Fellow heads he will be Sore now
and then that he did not take a Chance or
the other Route Ben opined that every
Married Man at some time or other has
low. well-concealed sneaking Desire to be
Free, and every case-hardened. weather
beaten Old Bachelor occasionally runs into
a lonesome Streak when he feels that he
would willingly give Ten Years OF his mis-
spent Life to have just one chubby OAR
ling to patter out to meet him In the Even
ing and call him Pop. Matrimony Is such
n long Contract and has so many Ups ana
Downs that sometimes IL seems sure WIN
ner TO those on the Outside. and again II Is
enveloped in Blue Fog for those who
have TO Put Up with It. When any one