davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04

English joke, perhaps. However, this
saving was witty and very pithily eX-
pressed. It was a good joke The Eng
Ifsh people are stanch and TaltnI Il
friends. and very conservative, or oD-
stinate If you prefer, in their tastes
and ideas. When they nave heard
good joke, and seen 1t, 1t lasts them
good long time.
Personally, / have never experienced
any difficulty in getting joke into
Scotchman, and sin less in getting one
out of him. Whatever my EnSi sn
friends may think or say to the con-
trarv. my modest personal opinion IS
that the Scottish people are briTlful OF
humor-sometimes unconscious 1umor,
I admit.
But what I perhaps admire most in
them is their genial philosophy, ana that
truly. MISUNDERSTOOD democratic spil II
which is the cause OF the charming
relations that exist between all tne dill
ferent classes OF Scottish society. be-
tween masters and servants, for exam
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04
Chapter 7.

Chapter 7.
THE sun was setting over st.
Adams Grange. a noble Tudor
pile, erected in 1883. In a room
hung with rare tapestries, in
d0lenuy reclining On couch,
sat Mrs. Queensborough, a woman of
mature and rich beauty, and one on
whom. moreover, heaven had lavished
its choicest gift, for she was widow
who had come in for a big wad % in
surance money when the late lament
Ell passed in his checks. Suddenly Mrs.
Queeusb0rough stirred uneasily.
Julia. she murmuTed, ring the bell
for tea. and, Julia, tell James to bring
along plate of cOrned beef and cab
bage, for it has been an hour and a
haf since lunch, and / feel a trife
peckish."
AT this instant the door was fiung
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04

trfcia QueensbOrough.' replied Tabs.
you must be Tabs, then!" exclaimed
the general with that penetration of
intellect that was the marvel Of Europe.
THE same. but how did you guess
it," murmured Tabs.
The general looked at her long and
ardently. AT last" he cried, 81 have
found my ideal. Tabs. be mine! I wOr-
shin yout" and Tabs fell upon his
breast. while tears of bliss dimmed her
eyes.
Chapter VI
The general and Sir Edwin met in
spite of Tabs efforts TO run them on
schedules that would prevent head
end collision
Tabs, do YOU love me still2' de-
manded Sir Edwin fiercely, one day
Sure" replied Tabs in her artless
way: but my affections are built on
the expansive department store plan
something for every conner When
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04

Vision to his Friend from Memphis. HE
did not believe in unloading his Troubles
on an innocent Third Party or admitting
TO any one that ne could be Scared by
a w eak Woman we Ching only 100.
The Man from Memphis ordered two
Juleps. The Julep is buiII in a tall Vase
Tt consists of a leafy Roof Garden
superimpOsed on display of Small Fruit,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04

to John. They say that all the World
loves a Lover, but it seems to give the
Ha-Ha to the Bride and Groom Now,
in order that we may escape the Atten-
ton of the busy RubberS and the low
ChuCkles Of the Nesters who loaf in
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04

Festival. Sister Frisbie invited them TO
come and Carouse on her Front Lawn.
Some twenty-five Members of the Flock
flew out and bought a few Things to
Wear, the Outlay for washable Finery
running to about S per Head.
Mr.. Frisbie got s. worth of Chinese
Lanterns and strung them around. He
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04
By Winifred Black

and he did it all with the method Of the
club. He was a hard hitter. and WneIe
not long before Lawson was feared, ana
to be feared in State street is to be
-cssrr4eT
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04

lords the settin' sun 81 fur ez ye KIN Sc
and drive yer critter along III We ~
mar. That thar's yere two looks An
then we're in sight nv the place we're lock
in fer So long, stranger How craps
I'D we're Way2
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04

7 Ohm and Emma were on their Honey
moon Hike, but they were not ad-
vertisinE the Fact.
Us it not dreadful to be spotted
as a Newly Married Coupler said Emma
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04

The Modern Fable of the Wedding
Trip and the Bad Break in the Din
ing Car.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04

n nee there was a Congregation that
needed Money for repairing the
Church, so the Women got to-
gether and decided to hold a Raspberry
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04
"Two Looks an a Sight. .

this country. 49,.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04

The Modern Fable Of the Good People
Who Rallied to the Support of the
Church
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04
MODERN FABLES. Tn
Brotherhood
"

the whole underlaid with hansen Ice
Pack Hubby had TO take on his Hat in
order TO crawl through the Mint, and get
to the Beverag e- As he looked at the
fading Sunlight through the Kaleidoscope
of Pr1smatic Flashes and Blushlny Cher
ries, the Picture of Mabel with her Face
against the Pane faded away and he be-
held 10000 star-eyed Sirens in White
playing Rag-Time on jeWeled Mandolins
and singing Dixie He felt great Love
for the Southland yelling up in his Heart
So he told the Barkeep TO put the
Basket Of Melons on the Ice and get busy
with two more of the same.
He took Memphis by the Hand and
said that Mason and DixOn's Line was
only Memory. He wished to propose Il
TOast-tO Sunny Tennessee, brightest
Gem in the Dfadem Of States the Home
of Fair Women and Brave Men.
After the second Jglep he told the Bar
keep to take the Melons out and feed
them to the Cat and 10 order up a Car
rage with two Drivers. On Second
Thought he decided to take the Melons
along to throw at the Arc Lights in or
der TO prove that the North and the
South were One and IRdivisible
Hubby arrived home at A. NJ carry
ing the Handle of the Basket. When she
opened up on him. he proved to her tina
he would have been there at 6.15 if she
had not asked him to purchase all those
Supplies.
MORAL: Usually the Woman is to
Blame.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04

wanted to do the Thing up Brown 50 as
to get a Puff in the WeelCly- The Paper
came out and said that the Frisbie Front
Yard with its Myraid Twinkling Lights
was a Veritable Fairy-Land. That kind
OF Notice is worth 50 Of anybcdy's
Money.
Mr. Frisbie and three other Pillars Of
the Church donated 81 worth of valuable
Time to unloading Tables and Camp
Stools.
The Women Folks ruined 81 worth Of
Complexion working in the hot Kitchen
to make Angel Food and Fig Cake
On the Night of the Raspberry Orgy the
Public came and trampled down SIS worth
of Shrubbery.
When it came time to check up the
Linen and Silverware 1t was found that
81 worth of Spoons with Blue Thread
tied around them had been lost in the
Shuttle
The Drip from the Candles ruined so
worth of Summer Suits and Percale Shirt
Waists.
Four Children gorged themselves and
each was tied up in True Lovers Knot
with Cholera MOrbus before another sun
rise
After clearing the Wreck, paying the
Drayman and settling for the Ice Cream
and Berries it was discovered that the
Church was $3.50 to the Good So every
body said il was Grand Success
MORAL. Anything to avoid dropping
IL in the Basket.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04

,-pPY had promised to be home
al cary for Dinner He had enc
p,t on IRE Step of the Street
csr when he happened 20 remem-
y. nat his wife had told him to
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-04-18

Last Seems to me that hyin and
Singin all day would be enough unless
l feel stronger than | do now. You
ortcr know these things. Samuel. and
you ortcr tell me so I'll know what to
depend on. | might stand sass from a
thousand angels, but | do want my
own bed when night comes, and if one
of my headaches comes on unexpected.
~ | want to know that | kin hey a Gun
of tea. Mrs. Watkins says they don't
drink tea in heaven, but l don't see
how she kin know"
Mr.. Gallup was not directly appealed
to, and as he was reading that a crow
had been known to feign death to avoid
having crowbar thrown at him he
made no sign.
"Waal, I've made up my mind to a
few things" said Mrs. Gallup as the 81
lence grew painful. I'm goin up to
heaven to do the best | kin. I'll be
nayburly with all the angels | meet
and let 'em understand that | don't
want no mOre'n my share of harps and
wings and things. If l don't find any
4
shan't raise no fuss nor 90 into hyster-
les, the way Mrs. Taylor did at camp
meetin last year. Yes; I'll put up with
things as | find 'em and make the best
OF it, and | won't be jealous if few Of
'em hev better clothes on or kin sing
better'n me. That's how III act, sam
uel, and then if they pick on me they'll
git as good as they give. | kin be
saSsed and picked on jest so fur, but
arter that they want to look out.
Would it put you out any, Samuel. if |
died Mt night instead Of in the daytime?
As | said, if died at night | could slip
into heaven without any fuss, but if
it's goin to make you any extra trouble
I'll perish by daylight. What will be
the most convenient hour fur you?"
There was deep silence. Mrs Cal
lup's tears made no thud as they fell
upon the carpet, and Mr. Gallup was
reading with bated breath that an os-
trich covers 13 feet of ground Mt every
stride when in full flight The clock
licked the silence grew deeper. and
the cricket on the hearth fell into a
doze. Then Mr.. Gallup suddenly laid
aside his paper, stretched his arms and
legs, with a 'Ho-hum" and looked
around to find Mrs. Gallup asleep in
her chair. She hadn't gone to join the
angels-not yet. NJ. QUAD.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-04-18
IL PAYS to De Courteous.

There IS an old saying that virtue is
its own reward and there is a girl in
one Of the department stores Of the city
who knows that to virtue may be add
ed courtesy and kindness. There came
to the counter where she stands little
old woman the other day. She was
tiny and shriveled and not very well
dressed in rusty mourning. She bought
a number of little notions, all of the
best, being very eXacting and almost
querulous, but the young clerk was
more than usually attentive and cour-
teous in trying TO please her customer.
Once she said when the customer hesi-
tated about getting q certain article,
''My grandma uses it," and the bar
gain was clinched at once. When the
little old lady was through at that
counter, she started to go to one near
by and wavered ON her feet when she
rose from her seat. The young lady
was at her side In an instant and gave
the support of her strong young arm
for the few steps. When the counter
was reached, the lady thanked the girl
remember you" she said.
The clerk returned to her counter and
had almost forgotten the incident when
q voice at her elbow startled her, and
there was the little old lady. Il for
got to ask your name" she said in
apology. "Theyoung are not so thought
ful of old age as you" The clerk gave
her name, and then the customer asked
if she could have the strong arm to
lean upon again to her carriage. At
this the clerks about began to look In
terested. They had been chatting the
girl before about her mash" but a wo-
man who had her carriage" was not
to be made the subject of ridicule. The
young lady spoke to the fioorwalker
and then went with the customer to
the door, where n handsome coupe,
with footman and coachman, was walt
Ing. my maid was not well this morn
ing, and could not let her attend me-"
said the little lady simply, but l am
scarcely strong enough to go about
alone. Thank you, dear. Your name Is
Martha -. | will not forget" Nor
did She Wednesday the little old lady
sent her maid with an invitation for
the young clerk TO spend her time
from Saturday night to Monday morn
ing at the beautiful home In the sub
urbs Of northwest Washington, and
the carriage will call for and carry
you back to your work. Washington
Star
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-04-18
ITEMS OF INTEREST.
or the cities. .haviug.0vcr- 100 600 pop.

OF the cities hayiHgDvcr fO6. .6eo pop
ulation only - had a postofice in 1900.
The first lectures ever given 10y wo-
man were delivered by Fanny Wright
In 1928.
The Swiss cabinet consists Of seven
members, each Of whom draws 81, 100
per aunum.
A century ago farmers reaped their
grain with sickles, two acres being Il
good days work.
1t is stated that there are 10000 bar
maids in England, whose hours aver
age "A daily for q wage Of 10 shiIlings
per week.
Many Londoners insist that their ap-
petite has improved since electricity
was applied to some of the under
ground railways. 1t is believed to gen
crate ozone
The door by which the president of
the republic, the king Of Sweden, the
shah and other distinguished visitors
were in the habit of entering the Paris
exhibition has been sold for $50.
Sardinia is celebrated for the tombs
which prove that PROFESSIONALLY it was
inhabited by great giants. Recently
four new tombs have been found which
contain skeletons over nine feet long.
The skylark that Shelley has immor-
talized was not, it appears, the Eng
Hsh bird it has always been supposed
to be. 1t has been discovered that the
biithe creature in question was heard
in the lanes Of Leghorn.
The circulation Of The Congressional
Record has now reached the 26,OO0
mark. This includes numbers deliver
ed gratuitously to members and scna-
tors and newspapers and those sent to
regular subscribers, of whom there is
a small but select list
James Parsons, a Philadelphia law
yer who died about year ago. owned
an estate extending for a mile and
quarter along the ocean front Of New
Hampshire. Following out his death
bed, wish, his children have given 20
the state strip of this land along the
shore 100 yards wide to further the
project of Il boulevard along the coast
line of the state.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-04-18
The Late Annie wittenmyer.

Annie Turner Wittenmyer was born
in 1897 at Sandy Springs, Q. She came
of long line of warrior ancestry. Her
great grea grandfather was an officer
of high rank in the French-Indian war,
her grCat-grandfather was killed at
Saratoga in the Revolutionary war, her
grandfather was a soldier in the war
to the civil war. 1t needed only the
firing of the gun at Fort Sumter TO fan
into a blaze the smoldering fire of pa
triotism kindled in childhood by the
oft told tales of her grandsires.
Annie Turner was married to VIII
liam Wittenmyer in 1S47 and became
the mother of five children, all save
one dying in infancy or early child
hood.
In April, 1861, she offered herself to
the governor of Iowa, of which state
she was at that time a resident, and
was sent to the front to distribute
sanitary supplies. She continued to
act in this capacity and that of a nurse
during the subsequent years Of the
war. When peace was declared, she
became active and aggressive in pa
triotic work. She was instrumental in
establishing n soldiers orphans home
In Iowa, a soldiers home in Kentucky
and soldiers memorial home in
Pennsylvania. She was a leading
spirit in the organization of the Ma
tional Woman's Relief corps and
prominent factor in esuaDilsnlnS tnv
National w r. C. home at Madison, 0.
Mrs. Wittenmyer served five years
as the first president Of the National
w. C. T. U. When the change of
policy caused division, she became
member of the Nonpartisan w. G. I.
IT,, serving one year as president. Her
last public work, only two days before
her death, was at a temperance con-
ventiOn.
She possessed fine literary ability and
was the author of Women of the
History of the Woman's
Crusade" and Under the Guns" She
was editor and contributed to many
popular periodicals.. On the platform
she was intense witty and persuasive,
abounding in telling illustrations of
personal experience. Though above
medium height, inclined to full habit,
she was active and vigorous. She died
after q half hours illness at her beau
tiful country home in Saratoga, on
Feb. 2, in the seventy-third year Of her
age.-Sarah E. Wilcox in Housekeeper.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-04-18

No one needs to be told to try TO cure
a cough. But any one will be glad to
be told of means of cure which will
be thorough and lasting. Dr. Pierce's
Golden Medical Discovery is a medi-
cine which can be confidently relied
on to cure diseases of the organs of
respiration. 1t cures obstinate, deep
seated coughs, bronchitis and bleeding
of the lungs. 1t cures when nothing
else will cure, and the local physician
says: "There is nothing more that we
can do"
There is no alcohol in Golden Med
ical Discovery" and it is absolutely free
from opium, cocaine and all other mar
cotics.
The dealer, tempted by the little more
profit paid by less neritorious medicines
will sometimes try and sell a substitute
when the Discovery" Is asked for No
substitute medicine will satisfy the sick
like Golden Medical Discovery" 1t
always helps. 1t almost always cures.
VTwo years ago a severe cough started on ma
and l was also bothered with catarrh" writes
Mr.. r. Skjod OF Dauewood, Chisago Co, MINI.
III could not sleep nights as the cough was
cines, but to no avail, until year ago, when
got 80 bad could not breathe through my nose
at times then tried DR.. Pierce's Golden Med
ieal Discovery. Ater taking eight bottles of
DR.. Piercs's Golden Medical Discovery, and at
the same time using DR.. sage's Catarrh Remedy,
am well man. can thank DR.. Pierce for my
good health, and will recomm and his medicines
to any one suffering from the same troube."~ q
DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets cure con-
stipation.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-04-18
ReautIfuI Nine. lie Vert.

"To no other woman of the south
were there accorded so often the trlb-
utes of poetic and romantic fancy that
clustered around the name Of Octavia
Walton, or Nine. lie Vert as she was
known after her marriage" writes Will
liam Perrine in The Ladies' Home Jour
nal. "As a little child she charmed
Lafayette with her brilliant conversa-
tion-she spoke the purest of French
and later she was the friend of Clay,
Calhoun, Washington Irving and, in
fact, of nearly all the prominent people
of Eer day. Nor was her cleverness
unrecogniZed in Europe when she made
the first grand tour 1t was there at a
state ball in Buckingham palace,
whittier she was escorted by Joseph K.
Ingersoll, the American minister at
London. that she was presented to
occasion Of a state ball were not fire.
uuent, and the southern beauty was de-
lighted over the unexpected cOmpli-
ment. When the dances were over and
the queen was again seated, the lord
chamberlain waved his hand, and the
company moved back, leaving a vacant
place around the royal chair. Nine.
lie Vert, with all eyes upon her, ap-
preached and was presented. Victoria
advanced and graciously gave greeting,
smiling sweetly as the American cour-
tested low before her, and then passed
to the group that cncircled the throne,
About 2 o'clock in the morning the
queen bade adieu to her guests. Then
one of the noblemen escorted Nine. lie
Vert around the picture and sculpture
galleries and presented her to many
eminent persons"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-04-18

Pretoria only during the raad sessions.
In the early days of the war it was
Mrs. Botha's custom to visit her hus-
band frequently on commando, where
her presence always had a cheering
effect upon the burghers. She was a
dashing woman and a fit companion
for the gallant leader. When Pretoria
was occupied, Mrs. Botha remained in
the city. She met Lord Roberts a few
days after the capitulation and, being
persuaded of the hopelessness of a con-
tinuance of the struggle, offered to try
to mediate with her husband. A pass
port was provided her, and the meet
ing was effected. IF 1t Is to visit me
you come, | am delighted to see you,"
said General Botha, but if you come
to implOre me to cease this struggle
you only shame me-" Mrs. Botha said
nothing more about her mission, and
nothing came of the negotiations at
that time.-Chicago Times-Herald.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-04-18
The RPctor's Prophecy,

A party OF gentlemen. including Pro
fessor Bailey and Rector Roberts, n
divine widely celebrated for his wit
and the audacity of his puns, We're
crossing the campus of a well known
university.
The reverend gentleman, comment
ing on the fact of his recent elevation
to the greater dignity and the assump-
tion of the more resounding title of a
canon Of the church, exclaimed, And
now that | am a canon | suppose |
shall be a bigger bore than ever"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-04-18

cares of q family demand extra labor
and higher wages to properly maintain
1t.
MANY women have a true idea of
the first two principles, but precious
few have any idea of the latter When
the right opportunity comes, they will
get married"
At this all the ladies laughed, and a
pretty young girl said, and they will
continue to do so as long as the world
lasts, all efforts of the business world
to educate them up to the idea of the
value of permanence to the contrary"
New Orleans Picayune
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-04-18

An amusing little incident occurred
at the meeting of the Era club that will
interest women generally. The ladies
were listening to the admirable talk Of
Miss Sadie American on the purposes
of the Consumers league, and after
she closed her interesting explanation
Miss Kate Gordon, president Of the
Era club, asked Miss American, who is
the first vice president of the COnsum-
ers' league and naturally acquainted
with all the legislation that 1t has ad-
vanced and advocated, II any effort
had ever been made toward securing
equal wages for men and women. Miss
American answered: We'll, yes, lit
tie at time. The question Of wages
or equal pay for men and women is one
which we have handled In so far as
we ask equal pay for equal work per-
formed Upon investigating condl-
tions we find some very narrowing
experiences" said Miss American, smil-
ing. when a woman has just about
rendered herself invaluable to her EN-,
plover. ten chances to one she turns
around and gets married. Women do
not look upon employment in the same
way that a man does. She is general
" looking forward TO something that
she calls better in the shape of mat
rimonv, and once she has embarked
upon this sea her employer Of course
loses her services. Generally as soon
..I,y. t. To
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-04-18
STAGE GLINTS.

Florence Kahn will be leading won.
IN with James X. Hackett next sea-
son.
There is an organization of chorus
girls in New York called the White
Mice.
\ play founded upon the life of Tom
Moore, the Irish poet, will be used by
Andrew Mack next season.
"Ben-uur" will remain in Boston for
the remainder of the season, as its hit
has been something remarkable.
Laurence Irving expects TO be in
New York in the fall to see his play,
which Mr.. Sothern is to produce.
There will probably be five versions
Of the French novel "Manon Lpscaut"
seen on the American stage next sea
son.
The story first published some months
ago to the effect that William Gillette
was to play Hamlet seems more than
likely to be true.
Mr.. and Mrs. Seymour Hicks ella
line TerriSs), according to a London
announcement, will appear in "AliCe Ia
Wonderland in New York in the au-
tumn.
Joe Murphy, the well known Irish
comedian, has closed his tour to go
tarpon fishing. Mr. Murphy is a mil
lionaire aud appears on the stage for
his own amusement.
Miss Marie Bates. the well known
character actress, viii support Mr. Da.
vid Wartield next season in The Only
Levi" She is to have the role of an
eccentric old Irish woman.
Miss Minnie Ashley, who made a
hit in "San Toy" will be unable to re-
turn to the STAGE this season. The
her eyes that she must remain in
darlened room for a long time to come
or run the risk of losing her sight alto
gether.