Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1901-09-26
Mr.. DooIey on Party Politics.

"if us Dimmycrats will iver ilict a
Prisidint again"
eve wud," said Mr.. Dooley, "if we
cud but get an illegible candydate."
What's that ?" asked Mr.. Hennes-
sy.
can illegible candydate, said Mr..
Dooley, "is candydate that can't be
read out iv tn party. 'Tis joke l
med up. Ne frind Willum ]. Bryan
reads tn Commoner TO thin an they
pack up their bags an lave. They Sc
as nanny Dimmycrats out iv tn party
as they are in, waitin on tn durestep
to read thimsilves back an tn other
la ads out. Th' loudest r-reader wins.
"No, sir; tn Dimmycratic party
amt on speakin' terms with itsilf.
Whin ye see two men with white neck
ties go into car an set in opposite
corners while wan mutthers 'Thraitor
and tn other Kisses 'Miscreent' ye
can bet they're two Dimmyciatic lead
ers thryin to re-unite tn gran oil
party. IT'S on'y tn part iv tn party
that can't r-read that's thrue to tn
principles iv Jefferson an Jackson.
"Me frind Willum ]. is not candy
date. He's illegible as an editor, but
not as a candydate. Annyhow, he
don't want it or at laste he don t want
to want it an not get it. All he asks
is some good man, some thried an
thrusty Dimmycrat that can lead tn
party on to gloryous victhry. But he
cant find him. Ye say Hill? Well,
me frind Willum J. was asst to ask me
frind David Binnitt to 60 out f'r to
make speech at a Dlmmycratlc ban
Kit on tn traditions iv tn Dimmy-
cratic party, Hill bein' wan iv thin
an wan iv tn worst. Gentlemen, says
Willum Jennings, I admire David
Binnitt Hill. No wan, he says, is
second to me in affection f'r that
gr-great an good man, he says. 1
shall niver fail in me devotion to him
till,' he says, til place heals up where
he sunk tn ak into me in ninety-six.
But he says, i caDnot ask him to
speak at ye'er bankit. l cannot bear
to hear him talk. Ivry time he opens
his mouth l want to put me fut into
it,, he says Moreover, he says, if
We ask him I'll take me meal at home,
he says, 'f'r tn sight of that gallant
Dimmycrat turns me firm food, he
says. So that ends Hill. We cant go
with amy wan that our sainted lead
er can't ate an egg with without Gin.
"Well, thin, who've we got? Theys sc
me frind Bill Whitney. He won't do,
because tn bookmakers niver get up
on iliction day in time to vote. A
thousan to wan again Whitney, his op-
ponent to carry tn audjiotoroom on
his back. They'se me frind Charlie
Towne, tn unsalted orator iv tn ZEN
ith city
"Thraitor," said Mr.. HennessY.
He has got some money" said Mr..
Dooley reaectively. "Isee in tn, pa-a-
pers he says theyse now enough to go
ar-round-enough fr him to go
ar-round, Hinnissy. He's thraitor
l wisht l cud afford to be wan. Well,
what dye say to German? They's
fine, straightforward, honest, clane,
incorruptible man. Ye put him alone
in a room with tn rayturns an ye can
go out an gather bar'ls fr tn bonfire.
Ye won't have him, eh? Oh, he
knitted tn ticket, did he? Secretly?
Oh, my; oh, my Tn villain! Down
goes Gormanl Well, let me gee, let
me see; who've we got? l cud think
iv good nanny that cud captain
ball team, but whin come to silictin
candydate f'r Prisidint ivry man I
think iv is ayther a thraitor or wan
that tn thraitors wudden't vote fr.
If We don't get th' thraitor vote we're
lost. They'qe me frind Sinitor Jim
Jones. a good man. He won't do,
ye say? Niger country. Oh, aye.
We cant take candydate firm tn
same part iv tn country that tn
votes come firm. Ye're fright. There's
Altgeld? Prooshen? Thrue Ag-
gynal- " coorse not. Schley?
He may be doin' time fr disorderly
conduct an assault with a deadly
weapon be that time. Charter Hatch?
What wud man that's been Mayor
iv Chicago do with an infeeryOr job
like tn Presidency? Tom Johnson?