St. Tammany farmer., 1901-08-31
WAS SEEING THINGS.
That Was Why Colonel BugsnOrteK
Firmly Resolved to Swear

Col. Bugsnorter was very much dis
organized when he reached home the
other night and tried to open the door
with his night key, as usual. He was
unsuccessful, as usual, and Mrs. Bug
snorter opened the door and regarded
him sternly, relates the San Francisco
Bulletin.
| Col. Bugsnorter wreathed his arms
about the veranda post and smiled q
leery smile and remarked deprecating-
ly, as usual:
$50 shorty to trouble you, m'deare
Mush got wrong key! Lodge night, y
know, m'dear-lo'sh bizness! Mos'zh
tired t. death! Guess I'll go t bed,
m'dear!"
Mrs. Bugsnorter said never a word
as the colonel wabbled into the hall
and stood blinking at his spouse in the
glare of the arc light. This was un-
usual.
The colonel began to climb upstairs
and fell over the first step, as usual,
| and Mrs. Bugsnorter came to his as
sistance and helped him upstairs, as of
yore. At the top of the stairs the colonel
began the same speech of thanks for
his wife's courtesy which she had
heard regularly every night for years.
"Thanksh, m'dear, mush 'blizh! Had
blin' headache all evenin'! Mos'h
tainted shev'rl times comm home!
! Mosh-''
The colonel stopped and spread his
feet far apart, gazing stupidity at Mrs.
Bugsnorter with astonished, reeling
eyes. The good lady never uttered
syllable.
The last stage Of the nights journey
was safely accomplished, and Col. Bug
shorter sat upon the edge of his bed
with his boots off. Mrs. Bugsnorter
had said nothing even yet.
'Gettin' pretty s'hleepy!" mumbled
Col. Rugsnorter, thickly. "Guessh I'll
turn in now! Goo nj, m'love!"
The colonel wa atched Mrs. Bugsnorter
in state of stupefaction as she went
silently out and closed the door behind
her.
"Mos' 'str'orn'ry thing ever Wit
nesshed!" he muttered, shaking his
head slowly and addressing his boots,
which he held in his fumbling hands.
"Mos' 'str'or'n'ry thing ever shee!''
Half an hour later the policeman
found Col. Bugsnorter on the opposite
side of the street, standing with his
feet away apart, his body projected
forward against the lamp post, around
which his arms were clasped. A boot
was dangling Imply in either nerve
less hand, and he was staring stupid
ly up toward the window of his wife's
room.
"Hello, colonel!" exclaimed the offs
Ger. ''What are ye doing here?'
"Makin' new rezhlution!" said the
colonel, without taking his eyes from
the dim light in the upstairs window.
"Goin' swear off"
"What!" exclaimed the policeman.
"going to swear off? What's the mat
ter?"
''sheein' things! Wen home t-ni'-
wife met me at zhe door-didn' shay
a word! Tain nash-ral! Coin shwear
off!"
The officer untangled him from the
lamp post, piloted him across the
street and upon the veranda. Then the
kind-hearted Samaritan was about to
ring the bell, when the colonel stopped
him
"Leave 'er lone, OF mani" he whis-
pered. "Mus'h 'blizh! Won go in till
I've finished M rezh 'lutionzh! Couldn'
STAN mother 'sperienzh like That! Co
nj, OF man, shee ye to-morrererer!"
Then the friend departed and soon
Col. Bugsnorter had forgotten his
troubles and was sleeping sweetly with
his head on the third step down, one
foot in the flower bed and the other
up on the veranda, while his arms were
flung abroad promiscuously.
And the clock struck four.