Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1901-05-03

IHaL Wnat got him eXcited.-BrOOklyn
Life.
He has very breezy manner, don't
you think?" "Well, yes, if you refer to
the delight he takes in airing his
views. ws."-Philadelphia Press.
IL suppose you'll be telling people
that I'm fool" mo, dear. There are
some things we must keep to our
selves."-Chicago Daily News.
A possible explanation: 81 wonder
why the Struts didn't invite us to their
daughters weddingY' Maybe they
didn't want us.'-Chicago Record.
Jack-Don't you think that woman,
as rule, prefers a man who is her
master? Ethel-Not at all. She pre-
fers one who thinks he is.-The Smart
Set.
It's a mystery how all these wars
are kept up" What do you mean ?"
why, so many men quit and come
home to lecture about Chicago
Record.
Hodd-Hang it all! Do you suppose
I'll ever make good golf player? Todd
(pityingly)-Never, old man. You think
too much Of your family and your bus
iness.-Harper's Bazaar.
The Soubrette-But how old she
looks. The Leading Woman--Don't all
actresses look old, my dear? The Sou
brette-No; most actresses look young
and tagged out; this one looks old and
well-preseryed.-New York Sun.
Lady (whose mare has just kicked q
member of the hunt, who was follow
Ing too closely)-Oh, I'm so sorry! | do
hope 1t didn't hurt you! She's such
gentle thing, and could only have done
1t in the merest play, you know
Punch.
why did that young man leave so
suddenly" asked Maud. 1T was my
fault" answered Mamie; 81 thought
lessly got to talking about the beaut-
full autumn haze by the river. forgot
he was West Point cadet" Wash
lngton Star.
His life failure: "Yes, consider
my life failure" "Oh, Henry, how
sad! Why should you say that?" II
spend all my time making money
enough to buy food and clothes, and the
food disagrees with me and my clothes
don't fit."-Life.
Peddler-Wouldn't you like some mot
toes for your house, mum? It's very
cheering to husband to see a nice
motto on the wall when he comes home.
Mrs. De Jagg-You might sell me one
If you've got one that says. Better
Late than Never"
Thwarted ambition: "Hello, Boom
erleigh! l thought you were holding
down seat IN the Senate at Washing
ton!' "NO; had a streak of bad luck"
"How's that?" ''Just as got my legis-
.ators rounded up for the final vote, my
oank failed."-Bryan's Comoner.
Mother Coming swiftly)-Why, Will
lie! Striking your little sister! Willie
,doggedly)-Auntie made me. Maiden
Aunt-Why, Willie! l said If you did
strike her would never kiss you again.
Willie (still doggedly)-Well, couldn't
let no chance like that slip.-Tit-Bi Bits. |
A Jersey farmer visiting New York
stood looking at sign in a bookstore
window: Dickens Works All This
Week for Two Dollars" "Wal." he re.
marked, my 'pinion is that that Dick
ems feller is either mighty poor work
man or else he's confounded hard up
for a job."-Boston Courier.
Testing the theory: Mr.. Kerrigan-
Kape shtill foive minutes. for the love
av hivn! Mrs. Kerrlgan (six children,
crying and iighting)-Phat fer? Mr..
Kerrigan-Oi want to give this moind-
cure book fair trial. OF want to see
can Oi convince mesilf thot there Is no
sech thing ez matrmony!-Puck.
Johnny" said the little fellows
mamma, 81 want to give you piece of
cake, but l can't find the key to the
pantry" "Thats all right, mamma"
replied bright little Johnny; 81 know
how to get 1t without key" That's
all l want to know" she said, as she
reached for the slipper.-Boston Cour.
Ter.
What are you doing?" asked one OF
his friends who had happened in. 81
am writing my resignation replied the
professor Of something or other In the
university. what are you
doing that forH" Because l am going
to make speech this evening in which
shall probably express an independ.
ent opinion. Chicago Tribune.
Take my seat, madam" She took
1t. About ten minutes later she re.
marked: "Thank you, sir. would
have said II sooner, but the last man
for giving me his seat ina crowd.
ed car had only got up because he want.
ed to get Off the car. and felt that he
4.