davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22
COnundruns

What is higher and handsomer when
the head is off? a pillow.
When is lady's arm not a lady's
arm? When it is a little bare?
What is that which cats have that
nothing else has? Kittens.
When may a chair be said to dislike
you? When 1t can't bear you.
What sort of countenance is welcome
to an auctioneer? One that is forbid
ding.
What does lamp-post become when
the lamp is removed? A lamp lighter.
Where was Napoleon going when he
was 80 years old? Into his fortieth
What letter in the alphabet is most
useful to a deaf woman? A. because
1t makes her hear.
Why is a clock a symbol of modestvy
Because it covers its face with ns
hands and runs down its own works
What nation does a criminal broad
most? Condemnation.
Why was the first day of Adams ufo
the longest ever known? Because -
had no Eve.
What did the spider do when no cor,o
out Of the ark? Took a fiy and Won,
home.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

A novel case has been decided by a
New York court. A passenger brought
suit against the New York Central
Railroad for being deprived Of his seat
In the car. The question involved was
whether a man, when he puts his valise
or any hand baggage into a seat, there
by reserying It for his own occupancy,
Is legally and morally entitled to Il.
Inc court decided that when a passen-
ger buys ticket be presumes that he
Is TO get a seat, and unless there is
some unusual condition he is legally en-
titled to 1t. If he enters an ordinary
coach where no seats are reserved and
there Is no trainman to usher him to a
seat 1t is the custom of railway com
panies to allow the passenger to choose
his own seat. This practically amounts
to regulation of the company. There
fore. the court ruled. II person Occur
pied seat and then for any reason
left 1t without in some way marking
1t as reserved by himself and returned
to find 1t occupied by another passen-
ger, he has no right to ask that passen-
ger to give up the seat If. however.
he leaves his cane, umbrella or hand
bag in his seat when he goes to the
platform to buy a paper. or for any
purpose, and finds his baggage moved
and the seat occupied by another. he
has legal right as well as moral right
to that seat. The court further held
that a passenger was entitled to but
one seat, and could not reserve one
seat in an ordinary coach while occu-
plying another seat in a smoking car.
This decides a point which has been
raised thousands of times on railway
trains.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

on that one shoe. They'd get the giant
to raise that foot and then they'd put
four boxes under the sole and one by
itself under the heel. And then they'd
get at It. The boy with the heel box
would stay at that end and black the
heel and rear end of the shoe. The
boys. one on each side. with the two
boxes under the sole nearest the shank
of the shoe. would work on the sides
Of the shoe from the shank up. and
the two boys with the boxes at the
forward end, one of these always be
ing the boy that had struck the job,
would bang away on the upper.
with so many of 'em at it at once
they'd make a fairly quick job of It,,
Notwithstanding the size of the giants
shoes. and when they'd got through
the four boys that had been called in
would shoulder their kits and step
away. unconcerned as could be, and
the boy that had got the job would
shoulder his kit and wait for his pay.
Three cents was the price Of shine
~ ihoSt VA H-llllo W uN DtAOAN AAlt wa
and don't doubt the boy would have
taken 3 cents for this job and never
said boo. But there was not anything
mean or small about the giant. He
didn't give the boy 3 cents and pass
on. nor cents to bother him a little.
and then give him a quarter; but he'd
just hand him down five passes to the
show. one for each boy.
"Of course. he couldn't have done
anything that would give the boys
more pleasure. And the whole bust
ness was a great experience for them.
They got passes to the show. and they
got them from the giant and they were
easily the star bootblacks in the town.
for they had just successfully COM
pleted the greatest job in their line
that anybody had ever heard of. It
was fun. all this. for the great giant.
but l don't believe any of us could
compute. If we tried, the deep-down
joy it gave the bootblacks. Chicago
Inter Ocean.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22
YOUNG woLINlsT.
Little Chicago Girl who Pays tn

Little Chicago Girl Who Pays tn.
Most rifficuit Music at sight.
Little 7-year-old Mabel Woodwork
of Chicago. is something Of musical
prodigy. She plays the violin and plays
II in a manner to cause some profess
SIGNALS of three times her years to won
der and envy. Mabel is small for her
age. really appearing TO be not over 3.
and she performs on little violin that
was made to order SO that her tiny
fingers could manage all the strings
easily. Recently her parents have rec
Ognized the chlld's marked musical abil-
lty and are now giving her the advan-
tages Of instruction under one OF the
best professors in the city. Mabel has
already played a good deal IN public.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

The first American deep-sea cable
was laid last summer across one Of the
broad Alaskan bays, and the work Of
continuing the connecting land line up
the Yukon valley is now going forward.
Iron masts are used in place Of timber
A hole is chopped in the eternal ice.
and the pole soon firmly set by pouring
a little water around 1t into the hole.
This rapidly congeals. and unless dis
turbed In some other way will remain
frozen forever Evidently, unstable as
water, thou shalt not excel" was not
spoken OF Alaska
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

sort for sea lions. valuable on account
Of their OIL that there were a number
Of good harbors, that Ignite for fuel
had been found Moreover. as the isl
and lies near the sailing route between
Australia, the East Indies and Chinese
waters, 1t would be good place for
supply station. Although the annual
temperature is only 10 or u degrees
above the freezing point there is a strip
or zone Of grass on the island, and
now the attempt will be made to begin
the sheep-ralslng Industry. If this can
be combined with the other advantages
there will at least be a chance for hardy
colonlsts to make living on this other
wise desolate isle.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22
Bad for the Counsel.

The fair plaintiffs counsel in the
breach of promise case thought that he
would make life burden to the unfor-
.unate young man who was the unwilI-
Ing defendant.
DO you mean to say" he asked after
iot or embarrassing questions. that
aIter you had been absent for an entire
month you did not kiss the plaintiff. to
whom you We're engaged to be mar
RED when you first saw her on your
return?
Il do" responded the defendant
firmly.
. win you make that statement to
the juryT
Certainly. il necessary"
youY ''u 0e''e''
One of them would. know"
An indeed! Why should hep
Because he was present when first
saw her. He was at the gate when
RODE up and she stuck her hand out OF
cue second story window. and I asked
ner, HOW dye doY and said I'd be
nach 10 supper in half an hour. I'm no
s'iale' New York World.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22
TOLD BY THE OLD CIRCUS MAN.
Giant Has "A Little Fun on His Own Ac
count with BootbIacks

NOuhN win
Sometimes" said the old circus man.
1.-THE greatest of all giants would have
a little fun on his own account; mebbe
with the bootblacks. / don't suppose
that anything ever feazed bootblack,
probably he'd offer to black the boots
of a man tall as a church steeple and
with shoes as big as the meeting house
If one came his way; but, anyhow, the
boOtblacks used to offer to black the
giants shoes when the great man took
his walk through the town, Just as
they would offer to black any mans.
Sometimes the giant would look
down on the boy and then at his own
shoes, and then back up against the
sidewall of some building somewhere.
where there was room and no awnings
in the way. and get his shoes BACKED.
The giant always considered II a sort
of joke on the boys to accept their Of
fer, but the boys never appeared to be
put out by It; on the contrary. they
We're always ready, as they would have
been, as / said, II he had been twice as
big. And it was more fun than you
could shake n stick at to see the way
they went at 1t. and the giant enjoyed
this as much as anybody.
"Of course, no one box would support
the giants foot. unless he balanced IT
on 1t very carefully. and the boy that
got the job always. Invariably. called
in other boys-all the bootblacks in
that town were sure to he right around
there, and I've often seen five boot
blacking boxes under one of the giants
feet at one time. and Eve boys at work
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

In its broadcast statement the prob
lem Of the worlds economy is to de
velop and give scope of individual orig
inality, the benefits of whose exercise
are registered in individual character
as well as in objective results. The
English economist, Marshall. however,
declares that one-half of the power of
human initiative Is suppressed by the
present social order. and II Is not d fiji
cult to accept the statement. The hap
Ply instances where individuals manipu-
late circumstances so as to bring out
striking results are rendered the more
conspicuous by the number of other in
dividuals who entirely fail not only Of
such achievement but of anything com
parable thereto. And yet ii is known
that these others grade only somewhat
below the first in capacity. OF all the
stupendous waste exhibited in the
physical and moral world this is per
haps the most tragic in character and
consequences Yet 1t is enacted unob-
truslvely and with little dramatic eff
feet 1t Is typified by the circum-
scribed career of the working class boy
who, at IA years, passes from the influ-
ence of the graded" system of educa-
ton to tend machine" for ten hours a
day. The lot of the few who enjoy
more elastic and extended educational
opportunities and a more adequate field
of action thereafter is more in the pub
lie eye. Theirs, however is not the lot
Of "the great majority" Among the
latter there is no inconsiderahle pro
portion whose power Of individual mi
tiative Is but meagerly developed mad
whose potential contribution to the
worlds enterprise is never realized.
There can be no doubt that the domi-
nant aim Of the century which has just
closed has been commercial rather than
humanistic. 1t has been the century
OF matchmaking. 1t has launched an
entire series Of worlds fairs 1t has
established free public schools and
abolished slavery. both of which acts
mean accelerated material develop
ment II has built great cities with
their lack Of art 1t has gone haltingly
forward with its newly demanded fac
tory laws. 1t has neglected persons as
conscious objects. II has trusted for
salvation TO the instinct Of gain. 1t has
perhaps with some twinges of con
science assured all men that the cur
rent waste OF flesh and brain was in
evitable and that there could be no bet
ter way. The problem Of this century
is 80 work out that higher economy in
which there shall not only be a still
better directed effort to effect material
saving but in which the emphasis shall
be shifted from the material product to
the human agent-in which social adj
vance rather than the instinct of profit
making or even Of vast organization
shall more effectually dictate action
This does not mean the retarding Of
material progress. Quite the contrary
The better the man the better his prod
uct. And a century whose conscious
effort shall be TO make all existing prog
ress converge upon the development of
its people and upon insuring scope to
their capacities win realize a peculiar
quality an profuslon Of productive ex-
preston
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

Heredity does not determine courage
or its opposite, but the constitutional
tendency may be clearly marked
through generations. A recent rescue
Of shipwrecked persons off Grand Ma
nan is the subject Of report from our
consul at ST. John, New Brunswick.
During period of more than seventy
Ave years, grandfather. father and sons
OF certain family have repeatedly
saved life or plloted vessels out Of dan
ger. 1t is said that the Canadian gov
eminent is to give the rescuers suitable
testimonials. The whole world Is a
debtor to It's heroes of peace. To
strengthen the courageous purpose Of
others by brave doing or enduring is
to fulfil one purpose of living.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

An Illustration OF the present eager
ness of practically all nations for
oceanic Islands is furnished by France
In its attempt at Introducing sheep-rais-
ing ON Kerguelen Island. about half
way between Africa and Australia.
These new sheep-raisers will be nearer
the south pole than any other Pacific
islanders and the most southerly people
ON an oceanic island The island OF
kerguelen for many years was claimed
by both British and French geogra-
pliers. hut as It was not supposed to he
Of any special value no steps were
taken by either government for the for
mai occupation of the lonely isle. In
1898 France formally annexed the ISL
and, owing to accounts from the
French island Of Reunion Inhabitants
Of tile latter found that Kergue!en had
an abundance Of fish, that II was a re-
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

II cannot possibly make a man" of
a boy to pour peppery sauce down his
throat; to pour hot grease on his feet;
to pull him at night out OF bed into the
dirt and mire Of the street; to compel
him to persist in gesture or movement
till he falnts "-om agony; to make him
stand on his mead in bathtub; or ride
logs and sing senseless verses; to gOad
him into offensive replies and then
challenge him to fight a higher-class
man of more experience, with the re-
suit of being knocked out by a blow
in the stomach and dlsfigured with cuts
about the face; to bedevl him night
and day so that his nerves shall be I'M
strung and study and success in exam
nations will become impossible, caus-
ing him to be expelled finally.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22
MABEL wooDwoRrH.

particularly at church and lodge coz
eerts, and she never fails to elicit the
plaudits of her audience. She reads
the most difficult music at sight and
will be a wonderful player not many
years hence If she continues to practice
as faithfully as she does now.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22
Archbishop's Apt Refor,

The archbishop of Dublin recentl,.
performed a marriage in the fam,I. -
wealthy Irish distiller. After tho
breakfast the distiller thanked the
archbishop effusively for his share os
the proceedings and said to him ms W.
took his leave, The Lord he ,y,tt
you" "And with thy spirit" is reno w.
ed to have been the reioinder
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

1t conveys rather striking idea Of
the growth of the country in pOpula-
ton to consider that the two States Of
Iowa and Minnesota contain together
more inhabitants than did the country
over which Washington became Presi-
dent in 1850.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

With a man dead from being hanged
In joke and woman killed by sit
ting down at n chair that was pulled
away, we do not need didn't-knOw-it-
was-loaded case to remind us that some
folk are getting just too funny for any
thing but the penltentlary.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

People are so impressed with the
wondrous possibilities of the new
century they are asking where win they
end. About the only answer at hand is
they'll end in precisely hundred years
from date.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

Instead of giving the expression
bicycle flavor by remarking man has
wheels, the up-to-date terms is he's off
ON his automobile.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

A vaudeville trust has been organ
tied, but there is little reason to hope
that 1t will throw out any of the old
Jokes
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

The man who invented the photo
graphic film died the other day in New
Jersey. To the uninitlated this may
seem like thin excuse for fame.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

Does Ignatius Donnelly know abso
lutely now whether there really was a
Baconian cipher in Mr.. Shakspeare's
plays or not?
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22
Divorce Laws in Gamma

IN canada the man or woman who
r m"n'S 10 sever the bonds of mA.rimony
must go before the dominion parlla-
~ ieu'' when the committee on divorce
- Tue senate takes up the case and
s s.s over the details very thoroughly.
taO 80 H. IN the opinion of the commit
,ua .ne testimony warrants the grant
lug Oh divorce. the report to that
4, s"ec, Is made and both houses concur
~ OIL giving the required relief.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

A wise old tiller Of the soil spealin,
Of the relative value of grains saws
grains Of common sense are the most
valuable.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

The general impression seems to be
that the worlds nineteenth-century
run was very fair accomplishment.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

1t must be quite unhealthful to live
over 100 years, Judging from the way
persons above the age are dying off.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

Now that even telephonlng without
wires Is spoken Of, there's certainly
something In the air.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1901-02-22

When woman discloses a secret 4, ,s
always with telling effect.
Warren sheaf., 1901-08-08
EARNINGS VERY LARGE.
Sleeping Cars Pay for Themselves In
C0ns1derably Less Than
3 q Year,

The l-patroni7ed aleeping car pays
for itself in cons derably less than a
year. Take the run from New York to
Chicago, 1000 miles. Every road in the
United Sts tes pays three cents mile
for the privilege of hauling sleeper
and cor tracts to return said car in as
good shape as it is received and to pay
for all damages. The journey on the
limited expresses to Chicago is made
in "a hours, therefore the car earns
$50 day for travel.
If it II full, which is generally the
case, rs~Apts from berths. sections and
statero"<~s amount to S1s5, making q
totai rev~~ue Of s2l5 day. Out of this
mus" come the wages Of the porter and
condu1.tor-the Aa.ter, no ~ever, usually
having charge of several cars-tne
toweA sheets, soap, ice, ETC., the whole
amounting TO but small sum.
Then there are the wear and tear
and general depreciation, the daily
cleaning, the annual refitting and re-
painting. Set these charges down at
ten per cent. and give the car three
trips a week of 1000 miles each, and we
have it's earnings at over $50, 900 an
nually. Some can earn q great deal
more,
Warren sheaf., 1901-08-08
WANTED TO KICK A MAJOR.
Winston Churchill's Little Joke ON
. Pompous, self-OpinioAsted
OmO0H. 40:

Among the assembled officers at q
recent supper in South Africa was a
very pompous, self-opinionated major,
whose rank commanded for him re-
spectful hearing, but whose habit Of in
structing his brethren in matters mill
tary, both in and out of season, made
him rather unpopular. Winston
Churchill and the major sat side by side
at the table, and the martial poten-
tate voiced his opinions in the usual
manner. Churchill bore the infliction
dumbly for season; then, taking ad-
vantage of pause, when the major
wanted to take breath, he said, very
complacently and irrelevantly: "Do
you know, major, met man this
morning who would gladly forfeit e 50
for the pleasure of kicking YOU"
Kicking me, sir!" roared the angry
major; kicking me! I must ask you
to mention his name immediately"
''But the fact is, major, am not sure
that I ought to tell you," replied
Churchill, with well-assumed caution.
"But insist on knowing his name at
once, sir!" shouted the truculent off,
Ger, now red with rage. "WeM, sir. I
suppose must tell you. It was poor
young fellow in the hospital who has
lost both of his Legs by the bursting of
a SHELL" - 49,,
Warren sheaf., 1901-08-08
THIS BIRD CAME BACK.
It Returned Alone from Califopn 4.
to 1ts Home In Rogers
=. Park, HI.

"A story illustrating the remarka BILE
instinct sometimes displayed by birds
is told by a Rogers Park man, says
the Chicago Chronicle. He had a pet
oriole tn which friend visiting him
from CaifornAa took a great fancy. AL
tb ough the bird had been in the family
since the day it was picked up as a
FLED gh>~ by the head OF the no a<ehold,
the Californian was made its owner.
The git was SO appreciated that the
oriols became the C>hcornian's COM
pan'on on the return journey to the
Pacific coast. OF course the bird was
Gagged during the trip, but it was al
lowed degree of domestic freedom on
its arrival near the Golden Gate. Soon
the Rogers Park man heard that the
pet had disappeared. Fancy his sur
prise when be aw"oke one morning to
find the bird scratching at one of the
summe~ screens of his bedroom win
dow. The eHled oriole had returned,
but it will always be mystery to the
owner how the long journey was made
whether the homeward flight of the
little pet was across the great divide
of the Rocky mountains or by way of
the no less trying route Of the Arizona
DESERTS
Warren sheaf., 1901-08-08
HUMBERT'S PECULIARITIES.
Didn't Care for His Army and DIS
liked ConventionnHties-
He Enjoyed.

"Did the Italians like Humble pref
ty well?" was asked of a well-kn own
Americanized italian the other day
after the receipt of the news of the
assassination of the king of Italy.
II see by the newspaper dispatches
that he was extremely beloved" re-
sponded the Italian.
. "Well, what are the facts in the case;
was he really popular?" #....>. .
. "Not at all. Hetook little interest in
anything or anybody. He cared so lit
tie for bis big, army that to my personal
knowledge he was never inside the bar
racks of his own Kings guards" >.
"What did he care for? He must
have been interested in something's :
Call he cared for was to go shooting
or get out to some country-house,
where he could yawn without covering
his mouth with his hand.' " 81 "
Warren sheaf., 1901-08-08
LONG YEARS IN DIPLOMACY.
Great Britain Retains Her FOREIGN
Ainisters Until Age Over e..
,W: takes Them. ~

Sir Horace Rumbold, British ambas.
sador at Vienna, and Sir Henry Drum
mond Wolff, ambassador at Madrid,
have been retired from the diploma tic
service of England, both having passed
their SEVENTEEN year, two-thirds of
which time they have spent in the dip
lonatic service of their country.
The diplomatic careers of American
representa- atives at the great capitals of
the world rarely exceed four years.
While Sir Horace Rumbold has been at
Vienna only four years, he has been
continuously in the diplomatic service
of his country since 1910. Sir Henry
Drummond Wolff has been at Madrid
since 1892, and since 1916 has spent
much Of his life in the foreign service.
Among other veterans of the British
diplomatic service may be mentioned
the following: ,=>; ~a@
. Sir Francis Richard Plunkett has
, been at Brussels since 1898. In 1876 he
was first secretary of legation at Wash
fington. He has been connected with
the foreign office since 1855. s:4, ~. -s +. +
Sir Henry Mortimer Durand entered
the foreign office service in 1874. He
has been in Persia six xyears~ y>t.
Edmund Constantine Phipps has rep
resented his country at Rio !: for six
years. His total foreign service has ex-
tended over AZ years. ...:.s......., :. :.
Sir Henry N. Dering went to Mexico
in 1894. He has done diplomatic work
since 1859. -"