Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1901-02-02
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letter, stating that he picked 1t UP |
on the highway, recently, while out |
for a drive In the country. AS 1t |
points q moral aud is quite enter.
tanning. l quote 1t verbatim ct litera-
tim.
Brother Jake:
got back from the city day before
yesterday and 'cordin to agreement
am goin' to write and tell you all
about the weddin. Don't know why
the rest of the kin want invited, but
if sister Jane axed me to come cause
I'm an old bachler and have a big
farm, she wasted her time doin it as
you shall preserve later on.
Now I'll allow thet q farmer, Special
ly one what was never married his
sef, don't know nothin about 'risto.
cratic weddins, but hope n heffer will
swish her tail around my neck and
drag me all over the barnyard IL
ever approve of the fandango they
he'd at the big church there in the
city. They called it weddin, but 1t
was more like theater performance.
The fellow thet our niece married is
regular dood thet works In bank.
don't recon he could husk schock
of corn In week. guess the young
chap is piert enough, but Lord stitch
coze as he wore. Why bless you
would not wcarem to dig taters in.
the cattle would put up their tails and
jump clean over the straw stack an
Tige would run under the pig pen and
starve hsself to death before l could
coax him out. Tho goods was all
right Taint thet. The goods was
fine as silk but there want nigh enough
of them. He he'd frock coat with
all the frock cut off 'cept two strips
| behind hardly wide enough t. sit down
on. Looked jest as If the frock was
cut off to make wesket. Then his
collar looked like it was morn n foot
high and his shirt front showed al
most as large as Il croquet ground
Then his pantaloons was creased and
nnttened out so his legs looked like
two boards. When | seen the way he
was dressed l want surprised thet he
looked pail" Most all the rest of
the men at the wcddin was fixed up
as bad as he was. 1t ma be style to
have your pant legs made fiat, but
] couldn't stand II. I could wearcm
square IL | he'd to but | prefer to
have 'em round
But Is was the women thet was fixed
up the awfulest. They didn't peal
to have scarcely no clothes on 'em al
all. In fact the only part of 'em thet
} seemed to be dressed was their hair
an 1t was fine Must take all day to fl,
, hair that way. They'd have no time
to sew pants buttolis on for fellow
IL they he'd to fix their hair every day
: You should have seen the womenl
sleeves puffed up biger'n beef bladders
They was fastened just below tn,
shoulders and extended mp an out an
down ns fur as there WIS room al
the church wus big. Them puffs locke,
as If they wus full of wind an jes
could not keep from jnbbing one will
a pin to see II the wind would COM
as il 1t wus holdln its breath. If th
> wind he'd come out an that sleeve he,
wlltcd I'd felt iiutern grense spot
and | might II bin arrested for pune
turing her attire.
There was scarcely no waist to tn
j. ladies dresses mt all, They was GU
No low In the neck that you coul
see their shoulder blades moovir
around under the skin like cows cu
comm up to be chewed.
But wus goin to tell you abou
the weddln. Well went to the churc
. airly. You know allus was punctua
| | got there about halfn hour first o
any body. showed my invitation (
the janitor afore he'd let me in. The
he put me In the hindmost seat Il
the gallery. The church was just ful
of flowers ana plants, Seemed as /
II whole green house he'd been move
in. Then thay wus ribbons an al
kinds of fancy hXlns. The frs
. thing that came next was Nv
or six doods that showed IN
: people TO their seats. 4 newspape
3 reporter told me they We're th
;. crushers, They stood by the door an
I. when anybody cum IN they sized thcr
. up IN gave them seats accordin {
!, their appearance and position In sc
:. cioty, which | understand is regulate
:. by the amount of money they have, {
Il rather by the amount they pear I
II have by the way they Invest II /