The St. Johns herald., 1901-07-06
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all excitement? Patients Wife-Yes. that's what got him excited.-Brooklyn Life.
 He has very breezy manner, don't you thinkY "Well, yes, if you refer to the delight he takes in airing his views s.'-Philadelphia Press.
 'I suppose you'll be telling people that Pm a fool" "No, dear. There are some things we must keep to our selves. ."-Chicago Daily News.
 A possible explanation: "I wonder why the Struts didn't invite us to their daughters wedding?' Maybe they didn't want us."-Chicago Record. Jack-Don't you thnk that woman, as a rule, prefers a man who Is her master? Ethel-Not at all. She pre- fers one who thinks he is.-The Smart Set.
 "It's a mystery how all these wars are kept up." What do you mean?" "Why, so many men quit and come home to lecture about them."-Chicago kecord
 Hodd-Hang it all! Do you suppose I'll ever make good golf-player? Todd pityingly)-Never, old man. You think too much of your family and your bus iness.-Harper's Bazar.
 l." ly (whose mare has just kicked member of the hunt, who was follow ing too closely)-Oh, Pm so sorry! do hope 1t didn't hurt you! She's such gentle thing, and could only have done it in the merest play, you know Punch.
 "Why did that young man leave so suddenlyT asked Maud. Ut was my fault" answered Mamie; "I thought lessly got to talking about the beautl- full autumn haze by the river. 1 forgot ne was a West Point cadet. Wash ington Star.
 His life a failure: "Yes, I consider my life a failure" "Oh, Henry, how sad! Why should you say that? Il spend all my time making money enough to buy food and clothes, and the food disagrees with me and my clothes don't fit."'-Life.
 Peddler- Wouldn't you like some mot toes for your house, mum? It's very cheering to a husband to see nice motto on the wall when he comes home. Mrs. De Jagg-You might sell me one if you've got one that says. Better Late than Never"
  erleigh! I thought you were holding ! down seat Tn the Senate at Washing | tonr' 'NO; had streak of bad luck" ;" Flows that" Just as got my legis- lators rounded up for the final vote, my bank failed" ComOner.
 Mother Coming swiftly)-Why, Will lie! Striking your little sister! Willie 1 (doggedly)-Auntie made me. Maiden l Aunt-Why, Williei I said if you did strike her would never kiss you again. Willie (still doggedly)-Well, l couldn't let no chance like that slip.-Tit-Bits.
 A Jersey farmer visiting New York stood looking at sign in a bookstore window: Dickens Works All This Week for Two Dollars" Wal" he re- marked, "my 'pinion is that that Dick ems feller is either mighty poor work man or else he's confounded hard up for a iob."-Boston Courier.
 Testing the theory: Mir. Kerrigan- Kape shtill foive minutes, for the love av hivn! Mrs. Kerrigan (six children. crying and fighting)-Phat fer? MT. Kerrigan-Oi want to give this moind- cure book fair trial. Oi want to see can Oi convince mesilf thot there is no sech thing ez matrimony!-Puck.
 "JoLnny," said the little fellows mamma, "I want to give you piece of cake, but l can't find the key to the pantry" "That's all right, mamma, replied bright little Johnny; "I know how to get it without key" "That's all I want to know" she said, as she reached for the slipper.-BOston Cour- fer.
 What are you doing?" asked one of his friends who had happened in. Il am writing my resignation" replied the professor of something or other in the proprietary university. What are you doing that forY' Because am going to make speech this evening in which I shall probably express an independ- ent opinion. ."-Chicago Tribune.
 Rural Simplicity: Tourist (to road side country urchin)-Ah, my little man! How brown and hearty you look. I suppose you get up every morn ing and drive the cows to water" Urchin-Don't have to. sir. Tourist Why don't you have to, my lad? Urchin Cause. after milkin' the cows we drive the cans to water.-Boston Cour- fer.
 Pooling the other passengers; "Clara, dear, we've been careful so far, and don't think they suspect We are just married; you must scold me lit tie now as we get off the train" Sharply and in high-pitched voice. George, darling, when We get to the hotel you must certain take off that absurd lavender necktie!'-Chicago Tribune.
 "Take my seat, madam" She took 1t. About ten minutes later she re marked: ''Thank you, sir. l would have said it sooner, but the last man thanked for giving me his seat in a crowd ed car had only got up because he want ed to get off the car. and felt that be had won my gratitude under false pre- lenses. I made up my mind 1 wasn't going to let 1t happen again." "Don't mention 1t, ma'am," responded the man