The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-19

FROM the Gays or Peter cooper uoWH
to the present, it has been proverbial
that railroad men as a class are good
raconteurs, and that of all railroad men
the conductors are easily the best. During
the past week several thousand yarns
have been spun in the corridors Of the
various hotels, and few of these have
been collected and set down for the ben
eft of readers of the C ! o b e. AS the
fisherman says: The best ones got
away, but a few of the others are re-
produced herewith
Here's a monumental lie. one that
wonld make Baron Gunchausen look Ike
Il dirty little two-spot where an ace 8
needed as Rudyard KipIing would term
it. it's great. big. jaicy lie, warrant
ed to last and to maintain the reputation
of the teller, who is conductor now in
st Paul. and something OF a gen US IN
his line. which is lying first, last and all
the dine. 1t is easy 10 see from this why
his name isn't mentioned The colonel
that's as good as anything-was swap ing
lies with some of his friends in the Ryan
the other day, and. when he had told this
last, lence followed. and 10 one essayed
to speak All their ammunition had burnt
out
1t VIII be remembered that when the
PU~l'n~t2n reinstated its swift Wo"ld's
Fair ITly CT No. / between Chicago. Omaha
and Denver there was much. speculation
as to what time the tran would make.
According to the schedule. No. / had TO
chase itself around curves on straight
prairie lands. on up grades and every
OtHer l-ind of track at a pretty lively
gait. 1t was to leave Chicago at 10
clock ia the morning reachisg Omaha
al 11:-N that night, and running 'rto Den
yer at 80 the afternoon Of the next dav
eli ~a = l-a Nd = At
IS an acknowledged fact but the colonel
did not like the color Of some of the
stories h. had heard and SO 4eoi4eu 10
spring it.
BAH said, n, wtheringly, you fell
lows talk like oid maids - And then the
musical voice began at a slow rag time
increasing in rapiditv as the story war
RANKED. Bah, that 1Ter-tut what's the
use Of talking about what she did In the
usual way One hundred miles sounds like
fifty miles to You. It is the actual COM
PARSONS that count Incidents. That's
the ticket There are any number Of
thing could tel vo' about the til -
we couldn't see the telegraph poles. and
the lakes and the trees, and the sky
looked ike one big h1otch. but that's
neither here nor tNere so just let me
pick out one of the little things that
may serve to give you an idea Of what
speed is.
''You who have been over the line know
that there is a stretch e road of about
twenty miles between Plattsmouth and
Omaha lust after crossing the bridge into
Nebraska. Well, now don't get wrong
impression and think that I am telling
this just for fun. All this is taken from
the official report OF the roadmasrer
There was a tramp en- the bridge on the
Nebraska side waiting to ride into Omaha
on the platform of the baggage car, but
he found out to his sorrow before long
that he had made a miscalculation You
know some baggage cars have no plat
forms. They come out flush like box
car. Wei that was the kind of a car
we had. The tramp of course, had no
opportunity of finding this out and
when the train came along he swung
crawled along over the coal to the rear
and Jumped down expecting to light on
the platform. which wasn't there. 1t took
minute or so to reach the edge of
the tank. and the train was going at its
regular clip when he got to the Jumping
of place. The engineer was out to make
a good showing. He was thinking Of
the fact that it was the first run of the
train, and that a squirt ought to be made
so he pulled her ont a little. Soon she
was going like a streak Of CREASED light
ming ana just at this time the tramp
jumped.
On, it isn't anything to groan about.
You probably think the hobo got tangled
up with the roadbed and mangled all to
pieces Not on your life. Have you eyer