The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-22
KANSAS LATEST PRODIGY
HE is PROF. SMITH, AND HE
KNOWS LOTS OF
THINGS
WOULD TEACH M1NNEsoTANs
Good as Magician, VentriIoquist,
PhrenOIOgist, PhysiognOmist,
Artist, Sculptor, Mechanic,
Musician, Doctor, Etc.

Through the Office of j. W. Olsen, sup
erintendent of public instruction, it APP
pears that the latest prodigy in Kansas.
the birthplace of genius, in one 'tProf"
II. W. Smith," whose bid for notorlety
has been placed in the hands OF Mr. Oh
sen among many others. According to
this celebrtty's own statements his genius
is not limited or confined by the narrow
lines of a single occupation He has
launched out in the uneXplored realms
Of thought with the evident determine
ton that diversified Industries offer the
only sure road to fame.
In a letter to Mr.. Olsen, 'Prof." Smith
states his variety of occupations and
then asks for advice as to the stringency
spread the gospel of his varied phen-
omena through Minnesota from the plat
forms of her rural schools In some
states, he understands, gentlemen of his
professions are debarred privileges of
this kind, and he wants to know if the
laws of this state are restricting along
these lines.
The professor is perfectly at home as
magician, ventriloQuist phrenologist,
physiognomist, artist sculptor, mechanic,
musician, doctor and lawyer" He failed
to state whether he was a plumber or
not.
Believing that the rural schools of
this state would hardly feel the need of
professors" services this summer, the
gentleman's letter was answered in this
manner, l.. c. Hodgson one of MI OIL
sens assistants being the author:
Dear General: Your letter of inquiry
enclosing illustrated diagram of your in
tellectual panorama, is duly received
and we hasten to gratefully acknowledge
the keen pleasure derived from a care
full meandering through the highly col
ored acres of your tropic thought and
delightful culling cf the buds and
blooms of airy fancy which bedeck the
Personally We cannot doubt that there
is universal yearning just at the pres
ent time for some philanthropic 'magi-
clan, Yentriloquist, phrenologlst, physiog-
nom1St, artist, sculptor mechanic mu-
stefan, doctor and lawyer whose sub
lime mission it is to 'generalize a Chris
tanned, phrenologicalized civilized So
ciety and school,
can hold out very little encoura cement
to you in the direction you Indicate. In
this Northern latitude people are not so
fLf responsive to the
giving sentiments of the soul
They are coldly practical ana of
SUCH peculiar mental construction as to
enthuSe far more over a discourse on
potato bugs than over any weird, spic-
itualiStic seance" however "unsurpa ssad
on earth it may be. Our school boards
especially are lndlSp0Sed to extend any
| comfort, physical or spiritual, to such
innovations as your highly moral phan-
tasmagoria seems to be at first blush
And your Christian ethics and princi-
| pies of conduct, however they may seem
| to thrive upon the. soil of sunny South
| ern climes, would, we assure you, fall
| upon stony ground here in the frozen
| North. Our state laws are very strict
and. although your thumor seems very
| coy and steals upon one with O most
| sudden unawareness, as if it were born
| during the, absence OF it's parents, ct
we do not think that you could snug
! gle your unprecedented conglomeration
| into an unsuspecting school district and
| convert the community before the school
| board could call out the fire department
| to eXtinguish your mirth Your hand
! writing appears to be frank ard unintelli-
! gible, all of which is in your favor We
! have not had the presumption to pretend
| that We fully understand your phileso-
! ply, but we remember with JOSH Billings
! that "Thare IL no better evidence Nv
| wiZdum than to beleav what we kant
| understand" and we assure you of our
! entire moral support without question:
| ing the consequences. Should you change
your permanent address please telegraph
| us at your expense.