davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31
Got Things Mixed.

Mr.. Suburb-Well, how are you get
ting along with my artesian well?
Contractor (despondently)-We are
down 500 feet and haven't struck rock
yet.
Mr.. Suburb-Rock? Good lands!
You've got things mixed. l told you
to bore for water, man-water! !
don't want a stone quarry.-N. Y
Weekly.
The Ways of Woman.
''There is one thing about modern
society that puzzles me-" said tn.
philosopher.
"What's that?"
"The older women are all the time
anxious to get in; the young and
pretty ones want to come OUT
smart Set.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31
The Reason.

"He wouldn't harm fly" said tho
man who was trying to pay tribute
TO an acquaintance's gentle disposi.
ton.
THAT remark" said Mr.. Sirius
Barker, as he took q dyspepsia tab
let. sounds the keynote of most OF
the forbearance that humanity dis.
plays. We don't harm flies, because
we can't catch 'em."-Washington
Star
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31

When you have no appetite, not do
relish your food and tee dun ter
eating you may know thai vou need
n dose OF Chamberlain'S Stom ,ch
and Liver Tablets. Pre-. 20 cents
Sample FREQ ut Middleburg Dug
Store.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31

Mrs. Naggs-I understand your
husband is unable to meet his cred,
itors.
Mrs. Waggs-Don't you believe it.
He can and does meet them much
oftener than he cares to.-Chicago
Daily News.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31

q detraction and misrepresentation
We have q right to point with pride to
this splendid record and to feel con-
fident that our candidate for state
treasurer will be elected by . great
majority"
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31
eight Up to Date.

Sculptor-What sort of bust do
you wish Of yourself?
Mr.. Newrocks-Well, I amt par
ticular, but I'm gettin' it to please
Mrs. Newrocks, an she says 1t must
be NEUROLOGICAL One.-Brooklyn
Earle
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31

Young Crab inspecting the eeD-
Ma, do you think this is Q "live
wire?"
Mother Crab-No, Ronald; but you
will think It is II you touch it! That
Is an electric eel!-Brooklyn Eagle.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31
Worked In,

II understand you made money In
that stock deal"
"Yes, / came out on top"
'How did you manage it?"
"Got in on the ground foor."-Phil-
adelphia Press.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31
A Hero.

The Jollier-I suppose you heard
how Mr.. Jamaica sailed his yacht to
a derelict yesterday and saved nine
lives? He ought to have a medal!
The Thoughtful One-Saved nine
lives? Nonsense! Why, the derelic,
was deserted, the only living thing
On board was cat!
The Jollier-Well, hasn't n cat got
nine lives ?-Brooklyn Eagle.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31
ReDrOof Neatly Impaired.

Benham-Why don't you stop read
ing and look at the scenery?
Mrs. Benham-Oh, I'll see it some
other time; anybody, to hear you
talk, would think this was going to
be my last wedding trip.-Town Top
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31

The Girl in the Pink Shirt Waist
The Girl in" IN the hhe''BGi Biiuaet e. sRfrt' t'WssS en-
Well, she prophesied that I would be
engaged to. be married three times
this seasop.-Puck.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31
After the Sermon.

He-I couldn't make out what he
was driving at, could you?
She-Not very we'll; but how clever
he must.be to understand 1t all him
self!--Brooklyn Life.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31
Her View Of 1t,

"Yes," said the girl in blue, "she
protested vigorously, and still he
kissed her."
"Now, doesn't that just show the
luck that some girls have?" asked the
girl in white. "I've tried it twice
and I lost the kiss both times."-Chi-
cago Post.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31
R@AlS- TOBACCO SPIT
and s M o kE
Your Lifeawayl

You can be cured Of any form oftobacco using
easily, be made we'll, strong, magnetic, full o.
new life and vigor by taking ~. .TO.RAC,
that makes weak men strong. Many gais
ten pounds In ten days. Over 500 0O1
cured. All druggists. Cure guaranteed. BooEc.
REMEDY CO.. Chicago or New York, AZ
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31

"You seem very self-satisfied to-
day." said Miss Cayenne.
"Yes," answered Willie Washington,
"but don't let that influence. Every.
body says I've got dreadfully poor
taste."-Washingt Star.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31
Decide dly Up to Date.

as she an up-to-date girl?" he re-
peated. "Is she? Well, rather. Why,
do you know what she did?"
"What?"
swell, sir, when the young man to
whom she was engaged began to
show indications of desire to re-
consider, she went into court and
applied for an injunction to restrain
him from breaking the engagement.
Chicago Post.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31


support from organized labor In this
state. Ysrkss Is now rounding out his
second term on the bench in Bucks
county and during the score Of years
he has worn the ermins. has given
some very strong proofs that he has
but very little sympathy for the labor
uniens. This was strongly demon
strated during the trials Of the men
involved in tho Philadelphia street car
strikes some years ago.
mo Philadelphia Judge cared to sit
on any Of the cases and Yerkes was
called to preside over the court Of
common pleas. His remarks during
the progress of the trials left drop at
different periods clearly indicated that
he had no love for the men who had
sought to gain what every human be-
ing is entitled to-equitable wages and
treatment worthy of human beings.
"The Cigarmakers' union Of the
state also claims to have evidence at
hand to prove that Yerkes has SEN
fenced union men to the Bucks county
fail as tramps because they claimed
to be without money and were hunting
for employment within his domain.
Labor would be recreant to its own
interests to elevate any person to the
supreme bench Of the state who pos
sesses anything like q prejudice for its
right to organize,
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1901-10-31

PRACTICALLY OUT OF DEBT.
"The remarkable assertion can be
made Of Pennsylvania that the state
is today practically out OF debt. The
total bonded indebtedness Of the state
IL Ss,701, $3.50. II we add relief loans
Of ls41. interest certificates unclaimed
and outstanding and q small item to
domestic creditors, we have q total
debt Of $6,S15,29O02. II we deduct
from this the United States bonds,
certain railroad bonds. interest due on
bonds and interest due from banks
on sinking fund deposits, together
with cash in the state repositories be-
longing to the sinking fund, we have
left net debt of $507,338.62.
"Of this amount $113.643.92 is made
up Of claims that the state will never
be likely to be called upon to pay, as
they consist of items very largely
which have been carried on the books
for many years. Deducting. therefore.
this amount from the net debt. would
leave the inconsiderable sum Of $685.
694.74 as the debt of the state of Penn.
sylvania.
What other state can point to q
better or even to an equal record!
"The state Of Pennsylvania has
never lost dollar in its treasury
management, and is practically out Of
debt, and extends a more generous
provision than any other state In the
Union for educational, charitable and
elemosynary purposes. In the midst
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

through the black fog of the alley into
the ye1lowish fog of the street and
had lost themselves amid the other
shadows, the Tramp sat upright and
drew the back of a rough and grimy
hand across his eyes,
His bones ached from the dampness
and the chill, and his brain seemed
light and uncertain
Belle Sibley. How that name car
ried him back across the span of years
to the days when he was a gentleman
himse1f-a gentleman, respected, hon
ored, ambitious. successful,-and she
was the sweetest. daintiest creature in
his little world
Gradually the whisky oozed out OF
the Tramp's brain, and memory's
paintings passed before his eyes. The
buttercups in the meadows. and the
the loud whistle of the quail in the
fence corner; her father house amid
the elm trees at the end of the lane;
the music of her young voice. and the
magic touch of her little hand!
How madly he had loved her in those
old days in that simple. peaceful coun-
try town. And how happy he had
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30
The Barrier at the Door.
nv EDGAR wELroN COOLEY.

ny EDGAR wELTON COOLEY.
Copyright, 1901: by Daily Story Pub Cob
Amid some old barrels and rubbish
in an alley, covered with grease and
dirt and rags, lay the Tramp. His
eyes were bloodshot and bleary.
Over the buildings and in the
streets and alleys, silent and damp,
rested the fog that had drifted In
from the lake. Pedestrians lodged
each other on the walks like grim
shadows fitting hither and yon. The
gongs on the electric cars kept up an
incessant din and vehicles picked their
way along the congested thorough
fares.
But the Tramp was oblivious to FOG
and confusion. Unkempt, outcast,
desolate. he lay. his faculties inert. be-
numbed by the liquor that turned the
blood in his veins to fire, and threw
a heavy veil between him and the trag-
edies and the pathos of his life.
From out of the yeHowish black OF
the street, into the denser fog of the
alley came two shadowy forms. They
halted by the brick wall of a building
near the pile of barrels and rubbish
where the Tramp lay.
WELL" said the shorter Shadow,
bluntly, what's the job-liftin'?"
NO" replied the taller one, eau
tiously. "nervy business. But say. hon
est now, are you on the square?"
Sure" returned the other.
The voices aroused the Tramp from
his drunken stupor, and raising his
head a trife, he rested it on his hand
and tried to listen.
WELL" resumed the taller Shadow
finally. there's a woman in the case,
and she's made big fool of me. I'm
in tight box, Reddy, and you've got
to help me. Good job, good pay.
Blundering job. and you'll swing, and
I'll not donate a penny towards Civ
ing burial"
t'Well. what's de graft?" was the re-
Spouse.
ley. You know her-out on Benning-
ton avenue, Number 16, Carleton
Flats. She is my wife but the world
doesn't know it, I've blowed in TWEEN
ty thousand on her-twenty thousand
big round dollars and not one of them
mine"
DE bank's?"
Eyes, the banks, every cent of f..
But they can never trace it to me if
she is out of the way. We had a quar-
rel this morning, and 1 believe she
3ntends to preach. So she's got to CO."
"And what do you want me to do
kidnap herr"
"Kidnap the devil;'' snapped the
taller Shadow. irritably. No. kill"
"Oh,' said the other quietly.
Into the muddled brain of the
Tramp the words sank slowly but they
finally aroused his dormant faculties.
Its this way" resumed the taller
Shadow lowering his voice until the
Tramp could scarcely catch his words.
Il have the business all cut and dried.
Take this revolver and use tit s
hers. At two O'Clock tomorrow morn
ing, enter the fiat by means of the
stairs at the rear. You will find the
outer door unlocked. Go down the hall
until you come to the last door on
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30
..I'm in a tight box. Reddy."

III III d tight DO4s Ic0Uy
your left. Open it with this key. You
will find her alone. Put pillow over
her head to deaden the sound. Place
the revolver against her right temple
SO that the powder will leave it's
marks. Then. when it is all over, lay
the revolver near her right hand and
place this paper on the dresser. 1t
is a note written and signed by her
in which she says she is tired of life
and prefers to die. She wrote it in jest
months ago. but have kept it-kept it
and preserved 1t for this hour, which
I felt was coming. When you have
done all these things carefully, retire
the way you entered. The door will
lock after you when you close it.
Bring the key away with YOU"
you'll do" exclaimed the shorter
Shadow. admiringly. You're a
peach"
@As for me-" continued the other. 81
have arranged to spend the night with
friends in a suburb. Might have to
work an alibi. you know But what
do you SAYS it go?"
Sure" said his companion: Its a
20. or me name amt 'Reddy' Farrell
After the two shadows had retreated
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30
DON'T COMPLAIN.

Don't complain
About the weather:
For easier it's. you'll find.
To make your mind to weather
Than weather to your mind
Don't complain
About 1.-The Sermon.
And show your lack of wit,
For like a boot, sermon hurts
The closer it doth fit
Don't complain
About your neighbor;
For in your neighbours view
His neighbor is not taultless-
That neighbor being you
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30
What Do the Children DRINK

Don't give them tea or coffee Have you
tried the new food drink called GRAIN-O7
place of coffee. The more Grain-O you give
the children the more health you distribute
through their systems Grain-O Is made OF
pure grains, and whom properly prepared
costs about u As much All grocers sell It
Ibc and 25c.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

Contain Mercury,

Contain Mercury,
As mercury will surely destroy the sense of
smell and completely derange the whole system
when entering 1t through the mucous surfaces
Such articles should never be used except on
prescriptions from reputable physicians, as the
damage they will do is tenfold to the good you
can possibly derive from them Halls Catarrh
Cure, manufactured by F. J. Cheney & Co,
Toledo, O., contains mercury, and is taken
internally, acting directly upon the blood and
mucous surfaces of the system In buying
Halls Catarrh Cure be sure you get the genuine
1t is taken internally. and made in Toledo. Ohio,
by F. J. Cheney & Co. Testimonials free. Sold
by Druggists, price 75c per bottle.
Halls Family Pills are the best
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

Pain relieved, sickness prevented, by
timely use of Wizard Oil Keep it a.
ways in the home
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

There are a great many Remedies,
but there is one CURE for a poor COM
plexion: that is Garfield Tea which
cures by purifying the Blood, thus Re-
moving the Cause.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

Honeyed phrases are very apt t.
have flies on them.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

lam sure Piso's Cure for Consumption save<
my life three years ago.-Mrs THos- ROBHINn
Maple Street, Norwich. N Y. Feb. IL. looo
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY.
Take LAXATIVE BROMo QUININE TABLETS All
druggists refund the money il it fails to cure.
E w. Groves signature is on the box sc
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

If you would mend your ways you
must take stitch in time.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

The professional shoplifter ism
necessarily strong person
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

The United Kingdom Of Great Brit
ain and Ireland has $4,000 miles OF
highway.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

He who drinks the health of every
body drinks away his own.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

The only exercise some fellows take
Is in rushing the growler.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

Love may laugh at the locksmith
but never at the goldsmith
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

Dyeiag is az simple as washing when
you use PUTNAM FADELESS DYES.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

The dentist fills long-felt wants tina
aren't wanted.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

Red Cross Ball Blue is the best 1
the world. Large 2-oz. package &C.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

FITS Permanently Cured. nervousness ara
frst days of Dr.. Kline's Great Nerve Restorer
Send for FREE $500 trial bottle and treaxiss
D. b H KLINE, Ltd, ISL Arch St, PhiladelphtA, Pa
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

Entertaining a hope is never a dis
interested act of hospitality.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

The pen is mightier than the sword
when it comes to signing checks.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

An invalid Is q contradiction whol
he II an impatient patient
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

A womans heart, like the man,
should have but one man in it
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

Monarch Poultry Mixture. Straight salary SIS 90
weekly and expenses Address with stamp, Monarch
Manufacturing Co., Box $50. Springfield. illinois,
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30
Month"; Iest Free,

If you have Rheumatism, write DR.. Shoop, Racfn'
Wis, Box 143, six bottles of his Rheumatic Cur
express paid Send no money. Pay $50 If cured
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-03-30

Original ideas resemble clocks when
they strike one.
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-11-12
MUSIC AND DRAMA.

There is a Johann Strauss known as Johann ILL, who is touring in Europe with an orchestra in the old style.
 Saint-Saens has written a new bal let, "Bacchus Mystifie,' for produc- tion at the ancient Roman theater at Beziers.
 Mrs Humphrey Ward has consider ably altered ''E1eanor" and thus con- verted it into a play to be produced in New York this winter.
 M. Santos-Dumont, the aerial navi- gator, is also a musician of consider able ability and lately composed a mass which was sung in several Paris churches and which the critics re- ceived with marked approval.
 Bilse, for many years one of the most popular conductors and com posers of popular music, recently eel ebrated his eighty-ffth birthday at his native city of Liegnitz. He is nearly blind now, and retired from work some years ago.
 In 1871 Arrivabene sent some verses on the nightingale and asked Verdi to set them to music. Verdi wrote his excuses: sYour verses are pret- ty, but you know we'll that I am not good at doing fugitive pieces. And then, do you imagine that after I had made a few trills and few as- cending scales, thinking to initiate the nightingale, that I should have a melody? Ah, no! Melodies are not made of trills and scales"
 Victorien Sardou was trained to be doctor, but drifted into playwrit- ing and had very hard early strug- gles. He is now, however, very rich man and resides in summer resi- dence that cost him $15o,00o. If an ignorant theatrical manager ventures to suggest an alteration in one of Sardou's plays the author roars: Not hne-not word-not syllab1e!" Even the actresses are in his power, for he decides the colors of their dresses.
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-11-12
FARE TAU A BUFFALOY,

A positive novely this season is the big spectacular farce comedy, Are You A Buffalo?" which will be pre- sented at Polls on Friday evening. It is promised by the management to be one of the most gorgeous scenic pro ductions on the road this year The organization that gives this grand en- tertainment is headed by the popular favorites Ed NJ. Favor and Edith Sin clair, John Lorenzo, sam T. Adams. John Price, Dan Swift. George Scotty. John Conors, Fred J. Huber, Lillie Lawson, Louise Satour Josie French and a chorus of sixteen beautiful girls with charming voices and Introducing the very latest novelties in gorgeous costumes, especially designed for Are You Buffalo?" All the latest musi- cal hits from the many operas present ed ill New York City this season will be sung, and the electrical effects are the very latest inventions of stage craft. The funny comedians and spec ialties introduced are sure to make you taught, for it is one big roar of laughter continuous from the start to the finish of the performance. Sale of seats Thursday.
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-11-12
Theatrical
 Fraternal
VAUDEVILLE AT THE JACQUES.

VAUDEVILLE AT THE JACQUES.
 The second week of vaudeville at the Jacques had an suspicious opening yesterday. when two large audiences were present to witness snow that proved a splendid successor to the great one of last week. MT Pod was on hand in the afternoon to start the show off, and he did it in way 10 make everything run smoothly ana harmoniousIy. The yitagraph pictures of the Shamrock Columbia race, show ing the yachts at various stages of the contest. attracted much admiring at tention. particularly when they heeled in rounding the buoys almost to the point of capsizing. Considerable inter- est was shown also in the picture of President Roosevelt in the Yale bi-cen- fennial parade at New Haven. The distinguished statesman's features are shown very plainly as he sits in his carriage. and one almost feels Ike reaching out to shake his hand, so realistic is the picture. Still another picture is of interest. that of the "Cin- derella'' extravaganza at the Drury Lane theater in London, in that it shows a moving picture colored from life for the first time in Waterbury. UT the VauQoEllle IeaIuFeS. llOSC Ol which is comedy. the farcical sketch entitled "A Woman's Dilemma" pre- scented by May Wentworth and four as- sociate players, is probably the most notable. It has a very taking motif, and is cleverly worked out by the five players. Whitelaw and Howard. how ever. get the most laughs with their Hebrew and Irish witticisms. for it is impossible to hear a single one of their jokes without being cOnvulsed. The midgets. Robinson and Grant, make much fun. too. with q boxing act that is quite as lively as it is burlesque; the two go at each other as though each wanted to annihilate the other, but making lots of fun through it all. Other acts are contributed by Law renee and Harrington, Merritt and Rozella, the Rosseaus. and Gavin and Knox It is a capital show through out. one to please immensely, and there will undoubtedly be large attendance all the week Prices are. for the mat inee, 10 and 20 cents. 10 cents for la- dies in all parts of the house; evening prices for all, 10, 20 and 30 cents.
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-11-12

Harbor" was presented in both cities, sat spellbound in their seats from the very rise to the final fall of the cur tain,, enchained for the hour by the thought that the actors were not mere
 ly playing parts, but that this mar yelous romance was being s'lived'' be fore their very eyes. Such was the wonderful art of this representative American author-actor. He created an illusion so perfect that his audi ences never think themselves at the play. but feel themselves to be ob- servers of actual life in the representa- tions of his dramas. James A. Herne was the greatest dramatic writer, and in the line which he made peculiar to himself, the greatest dramatic inter preter in America to-day; and Sag Harbor' is not only foequote the Chi cago Times-Herald) better than Shore Acres but it is far and away the greatest pastoral ever written" Prices are 9, B, 50, 75 cents and $1