Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-09-14

an orator recently after giving rapid
description of q terrible accident he had
Witnessed I'D like to know where
they sell them remarked a stout, elder
~ lady on the outskirts Of the crowd
Tit-Bits.
DO you stand high in the opinion Of
the Gazzams?
I'm afwaid not When Mr. Gazzam
Introduces he says I'm an old fwiend Of
his daughtah, and when Miss ClawIse
intwoduces me she says I'm an old
fwiend of her fatbah. Indianapolis
Sun.
Harry-"Girls take things so literally,
yen know"
Frcd-'As for example?"
HarFy-"Five years ago, when my SIS
ter was -. | wished her Many happy
returns And if youth believe it, her
twenty-fifth birthday returns regularly
every year."-1it- Bits.
He is an adept at golf, l presume"
oh. yes, indeed.
BY the way, what constitutes an
adept if | may ask!
We'll. an adept at golf is a man who
can swear in correct Scotch and get as
much relief as if he swore in American"
detroit Free Press
Shc-"I have a suspicion that you have.
hecn making love to other girls He
(carnestlyD-"But what of it? Il didn't
amount to anything. ''-Brooklyn Life,
I'D like to know a sure way to get
fat" remarked the delicate young girl.
IN tell YOU" said Mrs. Hauskeep.
Send an order TO your butcher for lean
meat. Philadelphia Press.
Soaring the Turf made one hole
in five strokes" announced the new
golfer gleefuly.
The idea" exclaimed the other golfer,
who was even newer II invariably
make a hole with every stroke. | rever
can hit the ground in the same place
twice. '-Phiadelphia Press.
I'm sorry ] took the horse" said the
cuIprit but lets compromise this mat
ter. If there's any hanging to be done,
let me do it."
''Suicide?" qucricd the leader Of the
viglantes.
hang my head with shame, and LEI it go
at thar. Philadelphia Press.
This from the correspondence column
Of q weekly farm paper:
II would like to exchange a volume
Of Byr0n's works for some pickle jars;
also an Illustrated copy Of Tennysom for
good recipe for hog cholera. | have
also Miltons Paradise Lost. which |
will b. glad to exchange for a few pear
trees. Atlanta Constitution.
1T used to he my ambition" said the
business man. to accumulate Il fortune
and then retire
Well" answered the friend, haven't
you realized it?"
NO; I've got the money. but I don't
dare retire I've got to stay awake night
and day to keep somebody from getting
il away from me. Washington Star
Patient-"Sir, you put me in set Of
false teeth"
Dcntist-"I remember"
P.-"You promised they would be just
like natural teeth
D.@"No doubt
P.-"RQt your false teeth give me a
great deal If pain
Dan exact imitation of nature You
See.'-N arictes.
Passed, -Professor-"If person in
good health. but who imagined himself
sick, should send for you, what would
Medical student--"Gise him something
70 meke him sick. and then administer
an antidote."
Professor Don't waste any more
time here. Hang out your Single
New York Weekly.
Advantages of Civilization.-"I pre-
sumo You appreciate the advantages YOU
derive from being assimlated by a civil
lied country said the interviewer to
the Sultan of BazZoo island
Yes, indeed, aSsented his majesty.
why, ! got a thousand dollars damages
because OF injuries sustained by Swa.-
lowing the false teeth of the last mir
Sionary we put in the royal consomme."
Baltimore American.
WORK OF PATENT OFFICE.