Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-09-22

SpOOfIln ndllOD III III WuTIulu, Sdiu
Mr.. Hennessey. who had been laboring
through pages OF athletic intelligence
which he could not understand.
oh, so We ARE" said Mr.. Dooley.
An, | Wondher does 1t do US amy
good. 'Tis IMPORTED firm III English.
They have a sayin' owe there that tn
jock fv Wellinton said first or some
body said Fl him an that's been said
a number iv time since. that tn battle
iV Waterloo was won on tn playin
fields iY Elton, that bein a school where
tn youth " -ngland an PIttsburg is
STINT TT iddycation. 1t was not. TIL
battle iv Waterloo vas won on tn
potato fields iy Wexford an tn bog
patches ~ Connoek, that's where twas
won. TIL Fr-rinch ar-re a gooa fghtin'
people IN a Fr-rinchman cudden't hit
a goluf ball with a scoop shovel. TIL
Germans is a hardy race an they
thrain on Wesphalyan ham an Bood-
weiser an tn on'y exercise they have
is hoWlin' at a san5ei.est. TIL Roosh-
vans is a tur-rble crowd an they get
their strength by standin' on tn cor
ner askin' If yc have amy oil clothes
ye'd like to sell or be matehin' kopecks
fr tn vodkies. Are we amy bat
Their. tell me, FIR bein' tn high tinnis
experts. tn intherprisin' rowsmen, tn
Champeen yachters iv tn wurruld thin
we were whin we We're on'y tn cham
peen puddlers. mixers. %ploughers an
SEWN machine agents? Why is Eng
land losin' her supremacy. Hinnissy?
Because Englishmen get down to their
jobs at iliyen o'clock fgurin' a goluf
scoor on their cuffs an lave at a quar-
Their to twelve on a bicycle. We bate
thin because twas tn habit iv our
joynts iv commerce FIR to be up with
tn cock an down to tn damper befure
tn cashier come: an in his office all
day long in his shirt sleeves an settn'
on - safe till tn las man had gone.
Now. if we call up a iy these captains
" industhree at wan o'clock ~ a Sat
urdah Afternoon, tn Office boy an
swers tn tillyphone. TIL Titan iv
Commerce is out in a set iv green an
blue knee breeches. batin' a hole in a
sand pile an cur-rsin' tn evil fate that
made him a millyionaire whin nature
intinded him FIR a goluf champeen. Ye
can't keep ye'er eye on tn ball an on
tn money at tn same time. we've got
to be wan thing or another in this WIZ
ruld. | niver knew a good card player
or a great sportsman that cud do so
much iv anything else. They used to
tell me that Napoleon ~Bonyparte, tn
impror iv tn Frinch, was a champeen
chess player, but Hogan says he was
on'y good because anybody that bate
him might as we'll go down an be
measured f'r his ball an chain. A rale
high class chess player. without room
fr anything else in his head. cud
close his eyes an put tn drinks on
NAPOLEON Bonyparte in three moves.
Did We iver hear iv Grant wearin' amy
medals FIR a hundherd yard dash? Did
annywan liver tell We iv George
Washn'ton dom a turn on a thrapeZe
or Thomas Jifferson gettin' til money
fr THROWN tn hammer,
In me OUNCE days twas not con-
sidhered rayspictable FIR to be an attn
lete. An athlete was always a mdn
that was not sthrong enough II VIZ
ruk. Fractions dhruv him firm
school an tn vagrancy laws dhruv him
TO baseball. We used to GO cut to tn
ball game to see him sweat an TO throw
pop bottles at tn empire, but none "
his family was liver proud " him eX-
cept his younger brother. 4 good seat
on tn bleachers, a bottle handy tr a
neefaryous decision a. first base an a
bag iv cracker-jack was as far as :ver
I got tow'rds bein' a spooftin' charac-
ter an look at me now? Te can't have
yeer strength an use it too, Hinnis-
sy gredge tn power ! waste in walk
in upstairs or putin on me specks.'
Blu tits good FIR TIL women said
Mr.. Hennessy.
is it. faith?' said Mr., Dooley. "Well,
it may be, but it's no good FIR tn wo-
man FIR tn men. don't know amy
thing that cud be more demoralizin
thin to be married to a woman that cud
give me a sthroXe a sthick at goluf.
'Tis goin' to be tn room iv family. life.
Twill break up the happy home. I'm
a man, VII say, that's down town firm
tn arly mornin' bendin' over a ledger
an thryin' to thrap a dollar or two
thryin' to keep tn landlord frum the
dure l dispise athleets. | see that all
tn men that have a metallic rattle whin
they get on a movin' sthreet car, are
pounds overweight an wud blow up IL
they logged around tn corne Well. l
come home at night an no matther how
I've been '~here-you-d' all day, feel IN
my heart that I'm tn big thing there.
What makes me feel that way, says We?
'Tis tn since iv physical supeery-
GRITTY. Me wife is smarter thin l am.
She's had nawthin' to do all day but tn
housewurruk an putin in tn coal an
studyin' how she can make me do
something don't van to do that | wud
want to do if she didn't want me to do
it. She's thrained to tn minyit in hay-
in her own way. Her minds clearer
mine bein' full iv bills iv ladin; she
can talk betther an more frequent;
she can throw me family in ME face
an whin har-rd put to it, her starry
eyes can CLEAN with tears that / think
ar-re grief, but she knows diff trent.
An | give in. But I've won. just the
same. FIR down in me heart I'm
sayin': 'Susette. if | were not a gintle-
man that wud scorn to smash a lady,
they'd be but wan endin' TO this fracas.
Tn right to tn pint iv tn jaw.
Susette.' | may niver use it. dye mind.
We may go on Twin together an me
losin' a battle ivry day FIR fifty year.
But | always know tits there an tn
knowledge makes me a proud an