The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1901-02-13

evening was made by D. n. Lockwood.
One of his best stories was Of Squire
Murray. who weighed 800 pounds and
who was born in Ireland. was in tho
| whisky business here, and held his court
on the Terrace. The courtroom was
| like a courtroom in Ireland. The bench
was five feet from the floor, with a chair
whose back reached 90 the ceiling The
| trimmings of the room were all green.
Mr.. Lockwood and Judge Beckwith were
| trying out a case before the squire.
| There was no jury. At the close the
squire paused.
do you wish to sum up?" he asked.
II leave it all with your honor" said
| Mr.. Lockwood, who advises young law
yels with a tickIish cause and friendly
| face on the bench to do likewise.
I'll sum up" said Judge Beckwith
VERY WE'LL" replied Squire Murray.
| "W'hile you're at it HI slip down in
| Murray Bros and have a drink with
Lockwood. But Ill be back before you
| finish"
out. The squire was in search of the
| spirit of the law at the root of the law.
Mr.. Lockwood thinks they had drink
| On the stairs, halfway back to the court
room. with the echo of Beckwith's voice
sounding in their ears, the squire
| stepped.
Lockwood" said he, "you,ve won
| your case.
Then they went in and heard Beck
with finish summing up,-Buffalo IIx
press.
| \ Feline Slap Tess-"It's quite likely
that my uncle, will leave me quite for
l"Oh, isn't that distressing:"- Tess. e.
yes, do feel sorry for the poor old"
| Jess-"Nonsense! ! was sympathizing
with you. dear. To think that ali this
wealth should come to you when it's al
most too late 70 do you any good =
| Philadelphia Press.
Frances" said the little girls mann
ma, who was entertaining callers in the
| parlor, You came downstairs so noSly
| that you could be heard all over the
house You know how to do it better
than that. Now go back and come down
| the stairs like lady"
Frances retired. and after the lapse of
few minutes, re-entered the parlor.
Did you hear me csme downstairs this
| time. mammal
mo, dear / am glad you came down
quietly. Now, don't let me ever have to
tell you again not to come down noisily,
for | see that YOU can come down quietly
| if YOU will. Now tell these ladies how
you managed to come down like a lady
the second time, while the first time you
made SO much noise"
THE last time l slid down the banis-
ters." explained Frances.--Tit-Bits.
-.o:--
Miss Minks,' said the proprietor, ''do
| you know anything about the new min
! lister who is going to have charge of the
| church in Havelock street hereafter?"
Yes replied the shop woman. HE is
| tall. fine-looking man, about %, ana he
| isn't married. Miss Minks,' said the
proprietor, briskly. YOU may put all the
| new bonnets we have in the front win
| dow. "-Tit-Bits.
| She-"Do you remember the first quar-.
rel you had with your wife?"
| He-'Distinctly.
What was it about?'
"Oh, about a kiss
"Pshaw!'
Yes
But doesn't she like kissing?'
''Oh, yes"
why, then. did she obiect?''
Il was kissing another woman
| 1onkcrS Statesman.
Sanitary Questionable gazed at the
| individual who was spread over four
| seats IN crowded railway car and muir
INJURED: May [ ask you a question p
The individual grunted assent. Have
! the government inspectors examined Won
yet for trichinoss ?"--Pittsburg Chron-
| icleTelegraph.
Fortune Teller examining Teacaddy's
hand)-'It's no use pretending you will
live to be an old man. Your line of life
shows you will die before you are 40 You
| will be very successful, ETC., etc. PIRATES
glibly for five minute.) And now as to
wedding. You will get married in your
| thirty-htth year and have nfteen chill
dren--"
Teacaddy-"H the deuce can that
happen? You said just now should not
| live to be 4O.''
Fortune Teller (seeing he had put his
| foot in it)-''Ah, yes, so | did, and-ahem
| its very true. You see-ahem-the
fact is--ahem-that you wll-um, um,
ahem-will marry a widow with thir
teen"-Pick- MeUp.
| She Worried.-Nipp-"M wife wor-
RED all last week for fear l should die"
| Tuck-"Were you sick?" Nipp-"No:
but my life insurance policy ran out and
! it was several days before I got it re-
newed. "-Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
Two inmates of a Scotch asylum, work
ing in garden, decided upon an attempt
at escape. Watching their opportunity
when, their keeper was absent, they APP
preached the wall.
moo, bend doom, Sandy" said the one,
"and I'll CHM up your shoulder to tho
top, and then I'll gle We hand up tae."
Sandy, accordingly, bent down. Tam,
mounting his back, gained the top of the
wall, and, dropping over the other side,
shouted, as he prepared to make off:
I'm thinking, Sandy, you'll be better
ia bide anither fortnight, for you're no
near RIGHT yet."-Glasgow Evening
Times.
-:O:-
An Agreeable Form of Philanthropy:
Mrs. Brown-.'We are going to give a
progressive euchre for the poor. / love
to do something for the poor!" Mrs.
Jones-"So do /. l love to play progress
sive euchre for them. Brooklyn Life.
A suggestion for state flower for Kan
as-Car(y)Nation.