The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-01-30
THE PHILIPPINES.

The Philippines are a mess of trouble
situated on the exact weak spot of the
G. o. T. record and surrounded by disap-
pointment and apprehension. They were
discovered by George Dewey one fine
morning Just as he was taking lunch
with a little tea or something and they
haven't gotten over it yet: neither has
George; il resulted for HIM in wife
and a presidential bee. Tn presidential
bee may be decunct but he young wife
is apparently a permanent fixture. Poor
George: He sailed into both the bay of
Manila and the Spanish fleet, at the
same time sending the latter to the bot
tom of the former and to innocuous des-
uetude. 1t was such a shock t. The Span
tards that a great number of them Gied
OF nervous prostraticn. Unfortunately
the Filipinos caught the contagion and
we have been trying to catch the Fill
pinos ever since. 1t is a c,ose race.
with the Fil:pinos several lengths ahead
and no woods in sight. The woods were
all pre-empted when the trusts took to
them last fall before the election. The
Republican party had signed a pledge
for the Ff'ipinos to stop running on the
result OF The election. but The Fiipinos
evidently hadn't heard about it or
thought it was merely New Years
pledge. Probably the Filipincs had just
started in for a century run and did
not want to have 1t spoiled At any rate,
they are untutored and guileless
children Of nature to whom all evil
design must, perforce, be a total
stranger, such as they themselves
would receive with open arms and a
bolo with q blade two feet long. It is
patterned after the snicke1snee which
Gov. Van SAINT uses on Democratic Of
fceholders. Both are effective and cap
able of a vast amount Of work Thus the
skirts of civilization brush the untutored
Filipinos and that is about the only
brushing they ever get in spite of the
fact that they take to The brush every
time they have a brush with our
soldiers However. they take just as
readily to whisky and although they may
not be swift to take offerse, yet when
ever they sec anything lying around
they usually take it to themselves Still,
for all tlat, they never took Cen Otis,
strange 20 say, though they certainly
had every rrovocation. Perhaps lie was
immune from habit and long associa-
ton. At any rate. he had the situation
we'll in hand" but, unfortunately, he
did not bring the situation with him.
There is a suspicion that he dropped it
the way the hobo dropped the hot TO-
tato, whe9eupon the Filipiros irarned ate
~ dropped in and picked it up and pick
ed off our soldiers and they have kent
1t up ever since, while we were trying to
keep them down. Still after we have
gulped down everything that Gen. Otis
used to report, it ought to be an e9sv
matter to put the Filipinos down and
Keep them there. Yet thzy viii not stav
down. bet prefer to stay in the brush
Whether this accounts for their unkept
and unkemDt appearance is doubtful
Ihere is, however, no doubt about the
gravity Of the situation and the G. O. p.
has grasDed the idea with acto,,pdiro
aiacrlty. Either the Filipnos go down
or the G. Q. P. goes down. Meanwhile
democracy sits on the top TAIL of the
fence looking on and enjoying itself with
demijohn III its hip pocket and wins
ling In the Sweet BY and By."