The Saint Paul globe., 1901-05-26

Sketch.
Scene-The waiting room at a medicSl
specialists.
Characteristic major general; the
widow. Qnter the major general, O.
General speaking of)-say, major gen
eral, not general! Major general! Come
DOWN. Confound these fellows! I have
to pay my trddesmen half as much again
for being q major general as ! had when
I was a colonel. There's a regular
graduated tax in London for cid soldiers.
Colonel so much, major general 50 much
more Confound 'em And half Of EN-
don't know the difference between a gen.
eral and a major general, and want to
charge me as if I were a field marshal
! Thank the Lord, I'm the only one hera.
except the victim in the torture chamber,
so perhaps I shan't be kept waiting more
| than couple of hours. Humph, Week
ly papersi Illustrated papers! [ used to
read EN- when I Was in India, but since
I've retired and this confounded fellow
has been tinkering at my liver 1 hate
the sight Of 'em. How can man enjoy
the papers at mis- club when they remind
him of the doctors waiting room? I'll
enter a protest against the custom (C0l-
lects the illustrated papers and sits on
them) Now, then where's "The Ian
cet?" Something cheerful about
StN1ilS OH QUIET l6lIOWS legs Will suit
me, sort of sherry and bittcrs before
the feast that's to come Here we arc'
Voiccs heard withCut) Lord love US,
| here's woman! They're always rushing
! off to the doctor, though what en- earth
they ever have the matter with them
that couldn't be cured with a bread pill
beats me. But L suppose the doctors
must live.
(The Widow is shown in, c.
One of those norrid old retired generals,
I suppose. Now I snail be kept waiting
for hours while he dilates or his imagt,
nary ailments. What can a rough, strong
man have the matter with MIN? Liver,
of course! That's overeating and too
many whisky pegs. Men are so greedy!
Well, 1 suppose 1 must resign myself to
looking at the illustrated papers, as
usual. Strange, I don't see any Of them
I'm afraid to ring and ask that pompous
butler: he might be reading them in the
pantry. I'll ask the liverish old gentle
man; perhaps he's seen them, Coughs }
Ahem! I beg your pardon!
| t4eneral-I beg yours, ma am! (Aside.)
Now, what does she want with me? A
widow, evidently No use trying it on
with an old dogfox like me. Seen too
much of EN- in India
Widow-Im sorry to interrJpt Won bu+
have you seen the Illustrated papers?
General-No, ma'am, 7 haven't, and 1
don't mean to. If you read em here.
how can you enjoy 'em at the club?
'W1dow-But 1 haven't got a club, and
I want to read them mere as I shall
have hours to wait-(aside) thanks to
you. Gooks about) Why, he's sitting
on them, the old wretchi But I'll have
them out if I die for it. (AIoud) I'm
sorry to disturb YOU but 1 think the
papers are behind your chair
General-Behind my chair? Confound
the woman! Impossible ma'am: Why,
so they are!
Widow-Perhaps the butler put them
there.
General-The butlerl No, ma'am. No
butler would dare to take such a liberty
(Rises.)
Widow-Doctors' buffers are capabIe Of
anything. Thank you, If you will let me
have them
General (still holding them)-Madan1. let
me advise you. I have had plenty of
experience. Don't look at these rapers. I
don't know what is the matter with you
whether you are going to be trepanned
like a poor fellow [ have been reading
of in 'The Lancet" or have a leg off
or an eye out; but, whatever it is. don't
read 'em. They will always bring back
the remembrance; you will always feel
as If your leg were coming off again;
they will always taste Of the surgery. L
can hardly look at 'em now-they remind
me Of my liver. Take an old-a ,niddle
aged mans advice, and don't read en-
Sit on 'em!
Widow (aside)-Oh, that's how they
came on his chair! (Aloud0 But I'm not
going to have anything out or off and
I need soothing. CTakes papers) Thank
you very much!
General-Well If you viii read 'em, Of
course you must. But I've warned you
(Sits)
Widow (after pause)-Im sorry to in
terrupt you again, but your voice and
manner seem strangely familiar to me.
General-No, maam, they're not! I'm
possible-quite impossiblei I've been in
India and the Soudan for thirty years,
on and off. Impossible! (Aside) Confound
the womani
Widow-Why impossible? I was born in
India.
General-God bless my soul! All! but
you had to leave it at very early age
Children Of your generation were always
sent home to school (Aside) And a great
relief it wasl
Widow (aside)-My generation? What
does he mean by my generation?
General-And I didn't go out until I
Joined the service