davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1901-06-19
WHAT THE FOOL SAID.
story of n Quotation and of Much
Ignorance Displayed by Ia
structOrs.

An Ignoramus, not knowing the au-
thor of the line, Though lost to
sight, to memory dear" appealed to
Person of Discretion, says the New
York Sun. you don't mean to tell
me you don't know" laughed the
Person of Discretion so rudely that
the lgnoramus skunk away, ashamed
Plucking up his courage he an
preached Diplomatist. The same
author who penned the line, Con
sistcncy, thou art a Jewell" was the
answer. The Ignoramus asked a Man
Who Is Never Caught Mapping. "Of
course, | know the author" said the
Man Who Is Never Caught Mapping.
-ahem-confound it. I've forgot
ten. The name is on the very tip of
my tongue, but-how stupid know
perfectly well, you know, but your
asking me has knocked it clear out of
my head"
The Ignoramus went to Wise Man
and told him all. Three separate
students upon three separate occa-
sions were asked three different cues
tiOns," said the Wise Man, oracularly
The finest question was: What was
the exact number of the ancient Greek
chOrus?' the second: What is the
cause of the aurora borealis| the
third What is the source of animal
HEATH To each question each student
gave the same answer: L did know,
but I've forgotten and each instruc-
tor, it is said, made the same COM.
ment: TO think that the only man
who ever knew should have forgot.
tent" Still mystified, the Ignoramua
asked Fool-there was no doubt
about his being a Fool. because every
body said so. His answer proved IL.
II don't know" said the Fool.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1901-06-19

4 general was hard pressed ia bat
tie and on the point of giving way.
when suddenly a spirit soldier came
e. his rescue and enabled him to win
great victory. Frustrating himself
on the ground, he asked the spirit'f
name. ~ am the god OF the target
replied the spirit. "And how have I
mcrited your godship's kind assist.
ance?" inquired the general. 81 am
grateful TO you" answered the spirlt,
because in your days OF practics
you never once hit me."--"A CsnturT
Of Chinese Literature
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1901-06-19

these islands" That is the kind OF an
ally he was of the United States.
There are letters showing that
while the American troops and Fill
ipino forces wer laying siege to Ma
Mia, the Spanish army inside the
city was supplied with fresh meat
through the Filipino lines on passes
| signed by Aguinaldo.
There is a letter from Againe.Ce 90
| the Spanish governor general ex-
pressing wish TO enter into CON
tract" for mutual advantages, and the
letter was written on the day that
Admiral Dewey supplied AguinaIdo
with 1000 guns to be used against the
Spaniards.
Documents signed by AguinaldO
weeks before the insurrection broke
out on February ,, 1899, gave mi
mute directions for the assassination
Of American sentrics while profess
ing TO be on friendly terms.
The captured archives also furnish
the details of the agreement under
which Aguinaldo for a cash payment
of 100000 pesos agreed TO drop tho
rebellion against Spanish authority
in 1897. The money was paid to
Aguinaldo, and with cabinet officers
he proceeded 10 Lingayan, where the
entire party boarded Spanish mcr-
chant steamer and were taken to
Hong-Kong.
More than this, the programme was
so arranged that IL was not until
AguinaldO was ready 10 sail that no
telegraphed orders 20 his generals to
lay down their arms and surrender
their forces.-Chicago Tribune
DTherc is one thing about Prcsi-
dent McKinley's trip that made II diff
ferent from the average presidential
swing around the circle" The pres.
idcnt being no longer a prospective
candidate, it could not be construed
as votc-gctting tour. Perhaps this
will make the enthusiasm Of the peo-
pie all the greater, although Prcsi-
dent Mckinley is a man who always
arouses enthusiasm. In the western
cities SUd towns he will undoubtedly
receive the greatest welcome ever ao
corded any man.-Troy Times.
rIMr. Bryan shouu endeavor to
break himself Of the habit OF using
the word must" In discussing plane
for the democratic future. He may
keep it up until he incites somebody
to refer 80 him a. Old Musty. Wash
ington lost
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1901-06-19

Don't know. sir. He came riding
headlong through the rebel pickets.
think. and they shot him. We didn't
shoot at all. for at first the horse
seemed to be loose. and when We did
see the young fellow on him, we knew
he was too near gone 10 escape. We
had orders against unnecessary alarms
and so We ran him down" The surgeon
came and laid open the jacket of the
now unconscious sufferer. He waved
back the curious group and motiored
FOR Somers to approach.
"A woman!" he whispered.
us it possible! To my room-to nv
room!" The rough soldiers again lift
ed the frail form tenderly and placed
II upon the bed inside. A hurried ex-
animation disclosed the wound; a shot
from behind had passed entirely
through the body.
'She cannot live" said the SURGEON
gently as he arose and covered up the
white form. There is not the slight
est chance for her" The sentence of
death seemed TO inspire her with sud
den consciousness. She opened her
eyes widely, and they rested in wonder
upon the blue uniforms and strange
faces.
What has happened?" she asked.
weakly. Where am II"
You have been wounded. madam"
said the surgeon. badly wounded; but
you are in friendly hands"
"Ah!-Ray me-that he
had-had arranged with-the picket
to pretend only to fre-oh. they have
killed met" She shuddered. but with
sudden return of full consciousness she
cried aloud: MY papers! are
valuable!-where are they?"
I'VE have none, madam"
oh God!-what agony!-oh sirs, 1
suffer, l suffer Sol"
Drink this" said the surgeon. plac-
ing a glass of stimulant to her lips;
more if you can; ii will sustain YOU"
I'm the saddle pockets-my papers!"
Her eyes closed in exhaustion. A young
oihcer who was sent TO find the docu-
ments came back quickly:
Saddle trailing underneath; pock-
cts empty" She heard him and I'M
derstood.
Lost! Them. too--am lost. Ray
mond raymond" She turned her
face away and wept silently.
Gentlemen" said Richard Somcrs,
hoarsely, will you leave us? | know
this unfortunate woman" He was
instantly the focus OF wondering eyes,
but for moment only The little
group saluted in silence and with
drew
'Louise!" he said, sadly, standing
by her side. The eyes of the woman
were fixed on him as he sought to
control his voice
who spokc-who called Louise"
at was l.
"Richard!"
Yes; sadder. older-but Richard
still. God knows ! speak the truth
when | say | have nothing in my heart
for you but the tendercst sympathy"
Her eyes clung to- his face through
the spasm of pain that twisted her
body and drew the beautiful mouth
into thin line of scarlet
How may | help you? ! would
help you?-Louise, if l might"
Tell me-upon your souls honor
is-is-it-death?"
He covered his eyes and stood 81
lent. She waited in agony; he did
not answer her.
DEATH" she said, in horror Help
me! help me, Richard!" Sobs shook
her, and she stretched out her hand
to him as one who is drowning. A
cry burst from the lips of the manly
soldier, cry no less agoniZed than
hers.
Louise. Louise!-I would give my
life to help you! Don't speak, don't
look at me that way"
You must help me-you must!
Quick-let me whisper! He will
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1901-11-12

Have you tried the Wasco bakery on
Second street when in need of bread, or
anything in the bakery line? Ii not, do
SO and get good things to eat. 36-tf
Mitchell wagons run easier and wear
longer than any other on wheels. For
sale by Wyman x Fraser.
Butterick Patterns, Centemeri French
Kid Gloves, Royal Worcester Corsets.
Coffin Bros. 90
First class potatoe and feed sacks sold
at Flour Mill Cos. brick warehouse.
37-tf.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1901-11-12
CITY NEWS IN BRIEF.

For Rent-Furnished room at 5ll
South Third street. As
Mrs. w. H. Cline of Sunnyside spent
Thursday in the city.
Mrs. f. w. Smith is very sick at her
home on Ahtanum avenue.
The new house of w. l.. Wright on
Wenas avenue was commenced last
week.
The Modern Woodman OF Zillah are
making preparations for big ball on
Thanksgiving evening.
Mrs. Lauderdale OF Elkhorn, Wis, ar
rived here last week on an extended visit
to her son, F. Z. Lauderdale.
Dan Brown was up before Commits
sioner Hewlett last Saturday on the
charge of selling whiskey to Indians, but
was discharged.
John S. Richmond of Yakima city will
leave about December first for Hum
boldt county. California, to spend the
winter. Mrs. Richmond is now there.
c. w. Fairchild and Mrs. May Meyers,
OF Yakima county, were married at the
auditors office on Tuesday, Justice J. H
Hill NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Agricultur
list.
The last half of the 1900 taxes will be.
come delinquent on December l. All
taxes remaining unpaid at that time
will be subject to a delinquency certif-
cate which draws Is per cent.
DR.. P. Frank went down to Sunnyside
last Saturday to investigate case OF
smallpox. He quarantined the place az
fected and reports no danger OF spread
if the people follow his orders.
d. A. Hanna, of North Yakima, pro-
prietor of the Chicago Dry Goods Store,
was here this week and rented half OF
the Mrs. Denato's store room and will
open for business about pay day-Cas-
cade Miner.
A. w. Speyers of Mob Hill will move
to the Sound in few weeks for the ben
eft of Mrs. Speyers' health. They have
disposed of part Of their personal prop
erty and go with the intention OF remain
ing for an indefinite period.
A dispatch from Washington, D. c.,
to Sound paper is authority for the
statement that d. E. Lesh of North Yak
lima, Secretary Whitehouse of the Taco.
ma chamber of Commerce and State
Senator +. P. Lewis of Seattle, called on
the president on the eth inst.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1901-11-12

The lecture alone is worth the price of
the ticket to Perry's recital. Piano is
now in the Presbyterian church. Reci-
tai November II. Tickets 81. Children
under 10 years 80 cents. If you care for
art and music you can't afford to miss
the Perry recital. One rarely has the
opportunity in town of this size to
hear man who has played before all
the European Monarchs and in every
city Of any size in the United States.
w. l.. Connolly as assignee has sold the
stock Of millinery in his care to Mrs.
Nora Spinning and Miss Dragoo, who
will continue business at the old Con-
oily stand on First street. The new
proprietors have added fine new line
OF millinery and ladies walking hats for
winter wear, and invite the ladies Of this
locality to call and see them.
A. j. Villaume, who with his brother,
j. G. Villaume, and n. B. Niquette, late
of st. Paul, purchased 20 acres each in
the Mckee valley, under the new canal,
has built home and moved therein.
Otto Schilling, also of St. Paul, is ex-
pected soon with his family, he having
purchased 20 acres of land adjoining.
Joseph Laplante has sold his French
restaurant on Front street to NJ. Shine
hara and X. Masunaga, who will run it
in the future in connection with their
Oriental Chop house. The new pro-
prietors propose to conduct a first-cass
restaurant.
Willis Hawkins and bride, nee Miss
Thorp, have gone to Fairhaven to make
their future home. Among the many
presents the couple were the recipients
of was check for $500 signed by the
BRIDES father, Leonard L. Thorp.
David Barker was up before Justice J.
G. McCrimmon on Monday being
charged by Maggie Scott with creating a
disturbance at her place of business.
He made no defense and was fined $40
and costs.
F. w. Teichman, recently from Lari-
more, \. D., has purchased a forty-acre
tract near George S. Palmer, west of
town. He says he will raise principally
potatoes and alfalfa.
T. A. Davis received car load of the
largest stone from the Tenino quarry that
was ever brought to the city. He will
use them for tombstone and monument
base.
have y section good ryegrass pas
ture and can take one hundred head Of
stock to pasture or feed all winter. Ad-
dress John Fiander, Toppenish. 45-2t
The annual city election will be held
on December 3rd this year. The officers
to be elected are mayor, councilmen,
clerk and treasurer.
For Sale-Some good mich cows.
Apply to s. Fear miles southwest of
town. 45-tf
Sauerkraut in bulk by the pound. Kin
sey & Co. 44-2t
We have some big bargains in ladies'
and misses shoes. Coffin Bros. %
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1901-11-12

1t has been learned that Samuel Sad
lier of this place had an uncle living in
Tacoma whom he was going to see at
the time he met his death at Kent. The
remains of Mr.. Sadlier were taken in
charge by this uncle and were inferred
at Tacoma. Mr.. Sadlier was native of
Illinois in which state he leaves num-
Der of brothers and sisters.
T. c. Oliphant writes from Zilah that
he thinks of coming to North Yakima
for the winter and establish class for
the study of French and Latin. If there
Is any one here who thinks of taking
course in these branches he should cor
respond with Mr.. Oliphant.
Il. f. Sharp, an investor OF Dalles,
Ore., was in the city Thursday last. Mr..
Sharp has purchased five sections of
wheat land in the Horse Heaven district.
He has also let the contract for boring
400-foot well ON these lands.
Hon. John Kelly of Wichita, Kan, is
in North Yakima looking for home for
himself and family. Mr.. Kelly has fig
ured prominently all his life in Kansas
history and now seeks a country where
there is a better climate.
X. A. Grant, who has been superin-
tending the curbing work in the ma
cadam Improvements by T.. c.. Burlin-
game, has been on the sick list for sew
eral days. He is suffering with some
thing like malaria.
Owing to big freight wreck on the
Northern Pacific east of Helena last
Thursday the Friday morning train did
not arrive here till p. m. The 2 p. m.
train Of the same day was made up of
two sections.
District No. 81, located two miles west
of Simcoe station on the reservation is
about to erect commodious school
building to cost $1,000. Prof. Richardson
is teaching the school in temporary
quarters.
d. L. Crowder was in Seattle last week
as witness in the Considine murder
trial. Mr.. Crowder was clerk in Guys
drug store at the time of the shooting of
Meredith in that place.
Arthur c. Pierce has taken position
with Roadmaster Scow of the Northern
Pacific and is now stationed at Toppen-
ish where 5000 feet of siding are being
put in.
Wyman & Fraser are having large
sign painted on the exposed north wall
of the building on Second street they
now occupy with their big line Of goods.
Jesse NJ. Hiatt and Mrs. Selena era
mer were married last Sunday afternoon
at the brides home on First street by
Justice J. C. MacCrimmon.
A. L. Flint of the firm of Flint &
Shaw, undertakers and furniture dealers,
is in Portland taking two weeks course
in an enbalming school.
Miss Mary Watkins, who has been
here for a few months among friends,
has returned to her home at Sunnyside.
A. NJ. Badger and wife returned last
week from the Big Bend country and
will remain here for time
Wanted-to hire by the month horse
and light wagon by responsible party.
Address this office. 45-tf
For Sale-640 acres wheat land in the
best and central part OF the Horse
Heaven wheat belt. For further infor-
nation call on or address T.. d. Lape,
Prosser. Wash. 2S-tf
Mrs. Reider has opened dressmaking
rooms at Mrs. Burke's home South Sec
ond and Maple streets, and requests a
share of the ladies' patronage. First
class style and fit guaranteed. 37-tf
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1901-11-12


Thanksgiving day comes on the 2sth
this wear.
E. j. Ward was up from Prosser last
Saturday.
f. j. Jaeger was visitor from Zillah
last week.
J. II. Wallace OF Outlook was a county
seat visitor last Friday.
Phil Otter is rebuilding his stable
recently destroyed by fire.
Miss f. Terrell has returned from a
visit among friends at Everett.
Have you seen those swell rainy day
skirts for ladies and misses at The Won
der? As
Thomas B. Goodwin of Thorp was
among the visitors from Kittitas county
last week.
A. +. Greenwalt of the Ahtanum will
go to California in few days to spend
the winter.
The Lakewood Creamery Company
has orders in advance that it will take
two months to fill.
Millinery can be had at The Wonder
at greatly reduced prices during the
balance of the month. IS
E. NJ. Reed, formerly OF this city, but
now of Spokane, has been business Wis
itor for few days past.
+. NJ. Groves has sold his 10 acre farm
near the power house and has made pur-
chase of several good properties in this
city.
Miss Maud Stewart returned Monday
from an extended visit with her friend,
Miss Kingsbury, at Vanasselt, near Sc
attic.
Samuel Foster and Miss Bertha Nc
Miller were united in marriage last
Thursday evening by Justice J. A. Tag
gard at his office.
Frank Donovan, who has been very
sick with fever at his home on Sixth
street, is improving and is in fair way
of recovering soon.
Claude Briggs, of the firm OF Briggs <
Dam, together with Professor Thomp-
son, are visitors obout Zillah and Sun.
nyside this week in the interests of their
house.
A special sale OF flanelette gowns and
skirts is now on at The Wonder. For
the remainder Of the month you can Sc
cure these garments at greatly reduced
prices. As
Word comes from Tacoma that DIR.
Fletcher is improving rapidly and is
now out of danger His wife is also
getting along we'll. Both had typhoid
fever.
Miss May SCHUYLER OF North Yakima,
made relatives and friends of this city a
visit during the past week IT. A.
Davis of North Yakima, was in the city
this week looking after his tombstone
business. He also visited Thorp and
Roslyn.- Dawn.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1901-11-12
New York Cash Store

One gross agate buttons. .......... SC
Cake turner. SC
Milk skinner. ............. 80. &c
No. lamp burner. ............. SC
Wire clothesline. ............ 1Oc
Galvanized dipper. ............... 1Oc
Mend your own tinware. A solder
ing SET. lOc
Good butchers knife .... 1Oc
Wire hair brush. ................. 10c
Mems heavy fleeced underwear, per
garment. soc
Waterproof coat for men ...... SO 90
Buggy whips. Observation-Disclosures. 1Oc
Rawhide buggy whips. ........ 45c
Dest lantern. ................... 49c
A good umbrella. .............. SOC
Mems heavy shirts. .............. SOC
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1901-11-12

Mrs. Reider has opened dressmaking
rooms at Mrs. Burke's home South Sec
ond and Maple streets, and requests a
share of the ladies' patronage. First
class style and fit guaranteed. 37-ti
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1901-11-12

For Sale-640 acres wheat land in the
best and central part Of the Horse
Heaven wheat belt. For further infor.
nation call on or address L. d. Lape
Prosser. Wash. 2S-tf
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1901-05-12

private use at a price not exceeding one
dollar and fifty cents per one thousand
cubic feet and IA case the parties TO
whom gas is furnished shall within flve
days from the END Of the month when
payment for the same becomes due. pay
the same. the price shall not exceed one
dollar and twenty-five cents per one loo
cubic feet.
The Nelson company already have a
franchise for an electric commercial light
ing plant and in case this franchise is
granted 1t is believed that the company
VIII buy the Scott plant which Is now
not IN first-class repair. Commodore
Nelson promises a hrst-class gas plant
and the work Of his company in this city
is q sufficient guarantee to most OF the
members OF the council that Mr.. Nelson
VIII DO what he promises. One member
OF the council told a reporter for the
Eagle yesterday that the franchise would
be granted at the next meeting Of the
council
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1901-05-12
NEW Theory ANp PRAc7IcE.
Dr.. McKanna's Treatment for AlcohoI'
ism the Latest Success.

ISM the Latest SUCCESS
Alcoholism has become a recognized
disease TO science. Churches and tenn
perance societies may continue to treat
it as a moral evil, but science knows
that since wine first played the inhdel'
to man, the seat of the trouble is in a
diseased brain and nervous system. The
total failure of al the moral forces in
the universe to reach the difficulty ought
to convince the world by this time that
it is the physician and not the priest
that the poor victim of alcohol stands
in need of. However, to find the com
petent physician has been the long prob
lem Of medical science. But today it
may fairly be said that that problem
has been solved, and that DR.. McKanna,
Of Oklahoma CITY, who is at present
working in Wichita, is the thorough
master Of it. 1t may seem Incredible TO
one who has not witnessed it, but it is
demonstrably true that that man can
take the veriest demon Of the alcohol
pit and IN three days convert him into
a clarifying ANCHOR. what IS better. a
sound. sane, rejoicing human brother
supporter and citizen.
Scores and scores of rescued lives can
bear witness to this fact. and this short
testimony is offered by one Of the doc
tors latest patients. II the simple human
hope that it may reach some Of the sun
ering. despairing ones yet in the tolls OF
the destroyer. and give them courage to
90 and be healed
The large-hearted attitude Of the Eagle
towards every true cause Of humanity,
encourages the writer to hope that it
may be allowed a place in its columns,
and If any further Information is de-
sired. his name and address may be had
at that office.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1901-05-12
DR.. Humphreys

Specific Manual a pocket epitome OF
the Domestic Practice of Medicine.
mailed for The ashns a postcard
Viii do
Rheumatism.-Tbe use of Snecifc
No Is stimulates the action - che
kidneys, and the poisonous uric acid
passes out Of the blood
Brain Fag-The use Of Specific No.
p restores fhe tagging energies Of the
over-tired worker.
Dyspepsia.-Tne use Of Specific No.
10 after meals permits Indulgence in
rho pleasures OF the table, without fear
OF Indigestion.
Grip ard Colds.-The use Of ''77-
breaks up Colds that hang OF and do
not yield 10 treatment
Or. Humphreys Specifies are put up
n small walls II pleasant pellets. inst
1t tie vest pocket at all Druggists
25c., or mailed on receipt OF price.
HumphreFs Eomeorathic Medicine Co
Ear. = -ll4m ald Jc1n Sls-- -NlX Hor-
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1901-05-12
MRS. SUMPTION WINS SUIT
Two Conteation- Of Her Attorney

Tive Contributions Of Her Attorney,
Judge Wyatt, sustaIned.
Two important suits have been won by
Judge AIyatt for AIRS. Lizzie Sumption
The ars. one involved the assignment or
life insurance to person without in.
surahle interest This was over a policy
for $500 left by ar. Sumption who died
in 1886. He had assigned ii 10 q friend IN
Indiana thirty years ago. Judge Nyatt
contested she payment Of the policy on
the grounds that II is against public poll
lev for party 70 benefit from life in
surance who has NOT an insurable inter-
est suase Dale decided the case this
way. X was appealed 70 the supreme
court and lucge Dale was affirmed.
The secona case involved the point Of G
conaict between foreign anc a local ad-
ministrator- An administrator in Mas
sachusetts secured 5udement for 5000.
which 9lrs. Sumption pai6. A local adj
rninistrator eontende3 that the money
should Ave been raid u him. takirg the
position eaat De suprlauted the foreign
administrator Judge Dale decided for
aTrs SUMPTION.