Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1901-08-07

ESDAY, Feb. st is all over,
and | have been found guilty and
sentenced to be hanged. The curious
thing about it is that / do not feel so
very gloomy about it. The suspense be-
fore the verdict was a great deal more
narrowing than the certainty of the
scaffold seems to be. Perhaps il is be-
cause | am stunned by the hopelessness
of the situation and tired out by the
long weeks of excitement and worry.
Anyway, know that tonight | do not
fear the death that has been decreed.
Most certainly | do not regret the
act which has brought me 70 this cell.
glory in it. and would do it again to-
morrow under the same crcum-
stances. | want to set that down here,
SO that all of my friends and any 9th
ers who are curious enough to read
this diary may know after | am gone
that | did not consider myself Grim
inal.
My lawyer tells me that my friends
are making strong efforts to have the
governor intercede. and that he has
promised to see me. But it will DO no
good. | killed Philip Sherry--there is
no question about that. They proved
it plainly enough at the trial, in spite
of my lawyers most skillful efforts.
Even if they hadn't, it would have been
none the less true. But none of them
know why did it--only one-and they
never will know. Torture could not
drag it from me. She knows, aud I am
content, No, | will tell nobody. | will
not even tell the governor.
Wednesday, Feb. 6.-Strange things
have happened to-day. l saw he gov
ernOr. l broke my promise to my
self that i would not tell why killed
Philip Sherry. and the governor has
pardoned me. They told me that he
was cheap politician who could not
be reached except by Doodle But |
know he is most masterful man, who
knows all the fountains and impulses
of human action and passion, and tina (
he has heart that understands and
beats in harmony with his fellow men.
He was not at all the sort of IA look
ing man l expected to see. His face
Impressed me as being type of the
pioneers, the men who have felled the
forests and reclaimed the wilderness.
He does not look the scholar nor the
orator, although he surely must be an
impressive speaker, Judging from his
logical habits of thought and his mas
terful use of the English language |
think it was his eyes which made the
greatest impression on me- They
were the most peculiar eyes | ever
Ghar To 81 Il
be cemmuning with his inner con
-ciouSness most of the time. But every
now and then he would give me a
glance so sharp and penetrating that
felt he was looking into my very soul
| entered the room sulky and un-
reconciled with my fate. The govern
or sitting Sprawled out in his chair
loose-jointed. looking more the back
Woodsman than the statesman, his
eyes dulled with that peculiar intro
Spection. He asked me number OF
commonplace questions, which | an
Swered with mixture of contempt
and doggedness
Suddenly strengthening himself uT
and fixing on me glance so sharp anC
penetrating, and at the same time sc
commanding as to make me involun
tarily rise. from my chair. he fired a
me volley Of questions so pointed, st
comprehensive. so searching. that il
seemed to me he was scanning my in
nermnSt consciousness
Before | realized it I was pouring
out the most sacred secrets of my sou
to this man who but a moment before
had been an utter stranger to me. anC
whom | had been taught to regard
ouly in the light of a coarse and self
ish politician. Something he saiC
stung my pride, and his personalit,
won my confidence-all so artfully an,
So quickly that [ involuntarily re
sponded.
Listen to me. sir cried. my fist
clenching, while | felt the veins stant
out ON my neck, even S had felt then
stand OUT on that day when | killed
Philip sherry. II am not a criminal
nm not Il bad man. | do not believe m,
tendencies are vicious God knows
have an awful temper. But upon tn,
memory of my mother, believe tina
temper has never been aroused. excep
upon just provocation or by some ac
Of Injustice or brutality.
II remember well the first time
ever realized | had temper 1t wa
he same time also that [ realized
vas an Independent personality. Iva
peculiar boy, sensitive, lonely an,
self-conscious-shu the othe
boys because their badgering way
played upon all my supersensitiv
nerves.
MY mother, God bless her, VIII
would have gone to the rack or tn
stake TO save me moments pain, un
consciously emphasized the terrors O
my situation by keeping me in lon
surls and babyish attire long after tn
other boys of my age were habite
IKE miniature men. You can imavin
the humiliation to which was sut
Jected, even had not been cursed wit
supersensitive nerves.
But underneath all nv baabfn
ness l had the temper of a demo,
The first time I discovered it I wa
frightened nearly to death. 1t wa
stiil in the period of my long cur
aud girlish costumes.