Arizona daily citizen., 1901-01-18
Leaves From
a Reporters Book.

=" You seem to feel cheerful" said the
elder sister, as she noticed the dyspeptic
grinning cheeriiy from the depths of his
easy chair. " Did YOU get over that love
affair ?''
The dyspeptic started at the word and
a look of annoyance came over his face.
Then he smiled serenely.
Eyes, little sister, I'm over it," he
said softly. "You see 1t bothered me
and | went TO the doctor about it"
Here the dyspeptic stopped warily he
wasn't going any farther, not he. The
elder sister noticed this, and asked inno-
Gently;
"Well, what did the doctor say about
it?"
"He-he-xell, If must tell / will.
He told me to stop smoking, and gave
me something for my liver"
The elder sister laughed heartily, and
started to say something but the dys-
peptic got in ahead Of her:
"Now don't say, Il told you so = he
cried. "Next to the person who asks
you, Did you hurt yourself?' 2 when you
plow up the street with your shoulder
and pile mp your bike on top of you, /
abominate the person who always says:
4 told you sol Everybody likes to feel
gifted with prophetic insight; bat no
one likes TO be reminded OF past warn
ings."
The dyspeptic subsided into the cush-
ions and faraway look came into his
eyes. The cigarette glowed and smoked
into an Insignificant stab before he
came back to earth again and renewed
the conversation.
81 swore off smoking new years. -
he began, "that is smoking the pipe and
the vile cigarette. There was another
prsviso to the oath which somewhat
consoled me however, | was to smoke
only the best cigars. There wasn't
going to be anything plebian about me.
Well, I bought a box Of big fellows and
while they lasted puffed around
with q feeling Of high and holy
virtue. | tell you there is nothing
like being good for change. OF course
as steady diet it is very wearing on
the nerves. Mark Twain says, '.Be
good and you viii be lonesome y and
most people do like company. Well, ]
pulled myself mp onto q high plane OF
virtue at the rate OF about fifteen cigars
a day. Virtue at that rate however
could not last long-the cost was toe
great. Folks generally like cheap and
easy virtue such ~ one finds in the
sunday school books. When it is very,
very easy for folks TO be good everybody
will be good and little children will
quarrel over the biggest piece of cake,
each trying to persuade the other to
take it.
my FIRST box Of cigars foated away
and wasted their sweetness on the des'
ert air, !" the dyspeptic continued. "Ther
4 started to buy in instalments. The
scheme worked well for q while as the
financial strain was not apparent. But
at last in an i'll advised moment asked
for my bill. I got it. Yes got it, and
then INV vow floated away and wasted
its strength upon the desert air.
bought pipe and from pipe gradua
ted downward to ciearettes.'' A pause
followed, then sigh and then:
"Well, even a gentleman can smoke
cigarettes in Arizona. But the vow.
always look back upon that VOW with
the same mixed feeling with which 4
man looks back upon his inn oceni
childhood an intense longing for i
| and consolation in the knowledge that
| it can never come back. is so com.
fortably natural TO be wicked. I thinl
would feel more at home in purgatory
than l would in heaven and so witt
nine-tenths of the rest of mankind
Goodness 10 like q standup collar, goot
| SuouBN " NcAt Out ah CoaApnny Ue
deucedly uncomfortable ut home. How
would any respectable man like to b
described like this:
This Is good man. How good b,
looks. Would he hurt anyonef stici
a pin in his leg and see. viii he turr
the other leg so you can stick pin in it
Oh no, but he will dust the seat OF you
pants with his foot. Who would not b
a good mani"
A long silence followed this and 500.
the dyspeptic began to acroone that old
est lullaby of the human race in slight.
nasal tones.
7 ard Raharte HSkc