The St. Johns herald., 1901-07-20

'AA '" Ao " dS caught Dy du elSul-IOOt cavein of snow as "a little bit under the weather"
 She-"Why do they always speak of the sad sea waves?" He-"I SUD- pose because they usually look blue. Harlem Life.
 Mrs. Keyboard-Why do you always sit at the piano? You can't play a note. Old StOkes-Neither can anyone else while Pm there.
 You ask for the hand of my daugh- M! What expectations have you?' "Why-none at all." "Neither has my daughter. Take her and be happy"
 McCarthy-"OId Brown declares you are the most entertaining talker in the club. What do you usually talk about in his company" McCormick-"Old Brown"
 He-And now, darling, when do you think We would better announce our engagement? She-Oh, there is no hur- ry, dear. Any time within the next twenty-four hours.-Harper's Bazaar.
 'Yes, she wouldn't speak to the edi- tor when she met him." Had he of tended herr? I should say he had. His society reporter called her one of the last century's buds. ."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
 Only One Theory: "How in the world did she ever come to marry a man with one leg?" q don't know, unless 1t can be traced to her strong liking for dam- aged goods that come cheap."-Chi- cago Times-Herald.
 Tourist-I understand that you have relics of the war for sale, my little man? We did have" replied the boy, "but they have bought us out, an the swords daddy buried last week won't get rusted fore summer"
 Exposure: Where are you rushing so fast? up to the health office to get vaccinated." "Eh! Been expos ed?' 'Yep. Telephone girl this morn ing gave me the pest-house number by mistake. ."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
 Diner-"Come, tell me straight. Is 1t any real advantage to a man who gives you tipy" Truthful Waiter Honestly, can't say that it is; but 1t Is apt to go hard with the gentleman that doesn't tip me."-Boston Trans cript.
 Awe-struck Visitor-It must he very difficult to produce such an exquisite work of art. Dealer-Nonsense. AL most anybody can paint a picture, but finding a victim to buy it after 1t is painted is where the art comes in.- Tit Bits.
 What's all that crowd of women over there at Bargen'sY Shoppers who read Bargen's 'ad.'" "But that's an unusually large crowd for so early in the morning." "I know, but the 'ad' said: Come early and avoid the crowd "-EX.
 Tainted: 'T hear you want to sell your dog, Pat. They tell me he has pedigree" "Shure, an Oi niver nOtic- ed 1t, sor. Anyhow, he's nothin' but a puppy yit an Oim thinkin' as how he'll be afther outgrowin' it, sor."- Philadelphia Bulletin.
 What brought on these dyspeptic feelings which cause you so much trouble, l wonder" 'I haven't the slightest idea. All I've eaten is few oysters and a broiled lobster, and a taste of ice cream and all Eve taken to drink Is glass of milk"
 "I am sorry for you, my boy" said the old man. ''I feel certain you are about to wed woman that does not know how to cook" "It might be worse, father" answered the young man. 'She has promised never to try to learn. n."-lndianapolis Journal
 Cause of the feud: MT. Meddergrass -'IJi Slocum an Bill Hocorn ain't sreakin' now" Mrs. Meddergrass- ''Do tell! Whats upY" MT. Medder- grass-"Hi claims his th'mometer aver ages ten degrees lowern Bills in wint- CT an fifteen degrees higher in sum- mer."-Baltimore American.
 Fatal Process: "Gazzam has been going without his breakfast for a month, to reduce his fiesh," said Twynn. with what effectY asked Triplett. "He Is losing two pounds a week and is very much tickled over it." ''Well, if he keeps on at that rate he'll be tickled to death."-Detroit Free Press.
 No, can make you no contribution; don't believe in sending out foreign missionaries" But the Scriptures command us to feed the hungry" The man of wealth shrugged his shoulders. "Well, I'd feed them something cheap CT than missionaries he rejoined. with the brusquerie that characterizes his class.-What to Eat.
 Charley, dear," said young Mrs. Tor kins, "I am going to turn over a new leaf" "In what connection?' Pm going to quit being supersti- tious. I have always disliked to be- gin anything on Friday" Yes. It is very silly of you" Well. your argu- ments have convinced me. You know that new dress I was talking to you about?" "Y-yes." "Well. I'm going to start out and buy the material on Friday, just to show I'm not afraid" Washington Star.