The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1901-03-02
CHARLES WARREN STODDARD
First Confession After Entering the
Catholic Church,

NdtAUuC CHuICQs
MIR. Charles Warren Stoddard, the
brilliant writer, relates as follows in
his book, "a Troubled Heart" how he
made his first confession after he be
came Catholic:
Did anyone ever approach the mys-
terious portal of the confessional for
the first time without a feeling of
awe? My turn came at last. 1t was
Oh night when many penitents were
gathered III the dimly-lightcd chapel.
For a time l held :loof, not knowing
exactly what to do nor how to do it,
OF course the formula and the instruc-
tons were in my prayer book-I had
long since purchased Il prayer book
but l felt awkward and half afraid;
and so knelt apart from the others
and patiently awaited my turn.
people came and went. Probably
the majority of them knew what priest
was in each confessional; but l knew
iiots Apl ulu IL W luc.
What worried me now was how to get
safely in there, how to get through my
confession with as little confusion as
possible, and then how to get safely out
again. l saw that l must knecl in
the train Of those who were to be
confessed one after the other, and fol-
low them as they drew nearer and
nearer to the curtain that hung before
the little closets Of the confessional;
and so, finally, there would be nothing
for me to do but to enter as the last
one made his exit. 1 did this, with
my heart climbing up into MY very
throat as gotcloser and closer to the
closeted priest. l was intent upon my
prayers, and upon the formula with
which I had strivcn to make myself
familiar, and was almost unconscious
ly getting OH and toward the hidden
one. All at once some one who was
next before me arose and disappeared;
looked after him; he had secrcted
himself behind the swaying curtain.
There was a pause, a very long pause
it seemed to me, and then | heard a
rustling and Il clatter as of a sliding
shutter. A penitent emerged from the
farther side of the confessional, and
his place was Immediately filled by
another.
BY this time l heard unintelligible
whispering near me- or a deep sigh
now and again, and soothing sibilants
that flowed continually, until the in
visible shutter slid back again. AL
most Immediately, my side of the con-
fessional was vacated. I arose and
entered, kneeling fearfully in that
small clamber-no doubt one of the
smallest chambers in all the world. A
heavy green curtain shut in the dark
ness; 1 saw only that there was cru
cifiX upon one hand and little square
lattice, with a gauze screen behind it,
directly in front Of me; and that this
lattice was closed by Il solid inner
shutter. l heard family the whisper
of the confessor, who was beyond the
screen; and / waited now full of con-
tentment and quite ut ease.
"rhe exquisite sense of secrecy and
sccurity-as if 1 were literally out of
the world, and far beyond it's reach -
thrilled me with a strange joy. 1t
seemed to me that there could wait
for hours without mpaticncc; but I
heard the rustic and the clattcr again
and in the next moment the inner shut
ter was slid away, and saw the pro-
file Of n priest (wholn had frequently
seem dimly outlined against the faint
gray light that shOne beyond him. 1t
was sudden though not unexpected
climax, and I was thrown Off my
guard. l began in great cmbarrass-
mcnt the confession which had made
to myself over and over again, and in
less than half moment found myself
hopelessly involved. There was to he
but one thing to be done then, and
did it with all my heart; threw my
self upon the mercy Of my confessor.
said: Father, this is my first con-
fcssion; please help me to make a
good one From that moment felt as
If held Gods ambassador by the
shand-and how chung to him. I felt
as If he had thrown his protecting arm
about me; as II he would hencefOrth
aid me and encourage me and sustain
me, and stand between me and the
temptations of the world. then had
but one wish; it was that I might
search my heart, and find if in some
dark corner of it there was not still
the shadow Of lurking sin, and that
I might then root it out and then
bring it to him in absolute contrition.
l wanted him not to dismiss ME vet,
but to reprove mo again as gently and
as gravely as at first, and to offer me
once more the consolation he had al
ready so freely given. Then came the
absolution, like a fountain of healing
and refreshment; and ! was hidden
to go in peace.
20 what JOY entered into my soul
when passed from that confessional
and Frustrated myself before the altar
of the Mother of God! Rapt in the
profound spirit Of love and trust and
gratitude, felt the indispensable hap