The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-02-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUM0R OF THE DAY.
sim never surprised at others doing
| It, but when a man, and a man newly
married at that, gives his wife a hard
| name its too much for me
What is it?. his better half inquired
Here's 4 Pole just been married and
| his name IS Dzozstchwslxy- ''-Philadel-
| phia. Times
"Fordick is an enthusiastic collector of
curiositiess'' said Perkasie.
/ Il know replied Bunting "A man
told him he had the original telegram
/ that Caesar sent to Rome, sVeni, vldi,
vici,' and Fosdick never rested until he
/ had bought it from him. detroit Free
Press.
Wife-oh, Harry, didn't expect you
Husband-Well. aren't you glad to see
wife-oh. yes; but have nothing but
Hnsband-well being hungry. Tn.
prepared for the Observation-Disclosures
Record.
Feminine doctor (to the servant
Annie, 7 am called on an urgent case;
someone has fallen from roof. Bring
quickly my gray dress, my black hat
with the blue feather and my light
brown g1oves.-F'liege Blaetter.
He-Oh, yes; he's eloquent But 7
can't say 1 admired the whole Of his
speech.
she-No, his mouth isn't pretty, but
then it's partially hidden by his mus
tache. ''-Philadelpl Press
Il never had my day. sighed the gen
tleman with the suspicious clothes
However, he added fitfully cheering
up, Il have had several nights that
were peaches. Detroit Free Press.
syThey won't keep long, said the pes
what won't keep long2" asked the
optimist.
Neither the good. resolutions. nor the
new ries.''-Pittsburg Chronicle.
Possibly the chinese would take a lit
tie more kindly to Christianity if they
realized that you can believe in it with
out practicing it.-Puck.
more new gowns!" he cried.
Why. yes. she answered sweetly.
.'All of mine are last century styles. -
Philadelphia North American.
BriggsI hear you have been operat-
Griggs-A great mistake. i've been
operated upon.-F1arper's Bazaar.
willie-Pa. what's a fixed star.
Pa formerly an actor)-A fixed star,
I suppose, is one who gets his salary
regularly -Philadelphia Press.
Somebody has grossly imposed upon
the credulous eastern press with the
story that there were ffty-six detectives
present at a recent Contingent" party
in this city
The Artist-That is by far the best
portrait in your whole collection.
Mr. Wacash-You betl Why my wife
and I are constantly quarreling over
who should have him for an ancestor
Brooklyn Life.
Father Neptune-What's that howl Of
lamentations
The Dolphin-The swordfish is fighting
mad because he couldn't kiss the meri-
maid.-CIeveland Plain Dealer.
Jove, old fellow, you've got fearful
cold. What are you taking for it,
Suffeerer(h ely)-Advice.-New York
Weekly.
Tess-Miss scrawney says she just
hates to go to the opera.
Jess-Yes, but what she means is that
she can't bare to go to the opera
chnrch-what do you think of an
Esnglishman coming over here to tell
US how to run our newspapers2
GothaIn-The first thing you know
some blasted Britisher will be coming
here to tell us how to get rid of fog
Yonkers Statesman.
Anxious mother-My dear daughter,
don't you know that it's scandalous to
have so many men making love to you2
Daughter-But, mamma, how am I to
help it?
Mother-Why don't you wait until you
are married Flown Topics
she-I do believe you forget that this
was our wedding days third anniver-
H-Indeed, I didn't. I just met the
second of the notes I negotiated to buy
the furniture when we were married
Indianapolis Press.
MY man, tell me how you came to be
a tramp
aOh. bless yer. they got me T. Jine one
o. these DON t-Norry clubs, an got
SO I didn't keer when lost m job.
Detroit Free Press.
This is the parlor, eh?'' tentatively
remarked the house agent, who was
looking over the house.
Yes" replied Jones. but I usually
call it the courtroom I've got seven
daughters, you know. ''-Exchange.
ssAnd you want to take my only child
from me in my old age?' said the old
man, tearfuIly.
WELL replied the young man. slow
" Il don't think would want to take
her in her old age-'@Smart Set.
Customer lin BARRIERS chair)-So you
haven't heard Herr Won Thumper, the
world-famed pianist2
German barber-Nein. dose. bfanists