The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1901-04-07
Fun OF The woRLp.

IT always looks as If il was maxim
| a face az AdizzOory."
< z8g
| The last story that is told OF Mr.. Evarts
/ IS OF a minister who talked long to him
/ as he lay abed about the Phuipnines.
| Don't you care about the Phnipninesq~
/ he asked him No was the dry re-
| Spouse. I'm not going there, anyway
< z x
| One OF the New York state senator's
! tells A good story on himself. he IN
/ dulges freely in wine. but never becomes
1 intoxicated. His doctor informed him
/ that If he did not give up liquors OF
| every description he would be stone
blind What, DO you really mean
4 that, doctor2" the man exclaimed ~ EVIL
/ dent CONSERVATION. The doctor assured
\ him that he did The senator thought
/ for moment and then, with deep sigh
! Of resignation said: wei. I guess I've
seen everything worth seeing anyhow.
< < <
/ The little daughter Of a well known
actor was once helping her parents 10
/ entertain some vis-.ors. and she sac
ceedec in the usual unexpected way 81
childhood. The talk was running on the
atrlcai matters, when one Of the visitors,
/ q lady not unknown 10 footHght fame.
turned to the little giri and said.
Well, Nirgie. / suppose YOU expect TO
be a great actress, too, when you grow
up?
"Oh. no" promptly replied the dear
child. mamma intends me To marry
Mrs Hetty Green is a typical Yankee
even IN her quiet and saturnire humor
To an over-dressed woman who had made
unnecessary comments upon feminine APP
parel. she said
Wealthy people can AFFORD TO dress
Q
wear fine clothing, if only for purposes Of
Disguise
Her retort to dissipated Official who
pleaded for a former excellent record as
a reason for reinstatement. was.
1t is a wretched company which runs
a locomotive after it is worn out"
The was between Russia and Japan
having begun at last. the account of the
first battle was going over the wires
AT this moment" ran the description
General Dumbrowski ordered forward
his reserves under command Of Generals
Barlekaskawisd and Kuttisearzof 4
fierce artillery fire came from the heights
where Field Marshal Onebejogawata had
posted Wibbertigoolokichi' and Saraboz-
agalootas batteries. General Graviebo-
lalawicz fell while CALAMITY leading his
troops into action The command OF his
division developed upon General Hanky-
pankylewski. Colonel Shootisbloominos-
on was wounded. but refused 20 leave the
field. on came the enemy. led by Mar
shall Potatosadagoatee in person. The
carnage was fearful. Among those Is no
were either killed or disable up TO this
time we're the brave NibluskokewInozu-
soft, Joraskerackerackonsi--
Here the telegraph operator threw up
his Job and enlisted.
ITS less deadly" he said
q x
Representative budd. Of Maryland. has
a most engaging way Of picking zap odd
pennies. Standing in the Riggs lobby the
other day with Representative Crimes Of
Tennessee. he remarked in quite an on
hand way;
Funny about Crumpacker. amt it?"
mats funny about Crumpacker37
asked Mr.. Grimes
Born ia Valparaiso and lived there all
his life almost; vet here comes the Amer
lean people along and send him 70 the
United states congress.
"Crumpacker was not born IA Nalpar-
also. Mr.. Grimes declared emphatically.
and somewhat Indignantly, for he and
Mr.. Crumpacker are good friends.
Bet you S. he was replied Mr. Nudd
Done. said the Tenuessecan. and then
Mr.. Mudd drawled: by the way there's
Crumpacker over there now playing BILL
lizards. 90 and ask him.
Mr. Crumpacker looked up from his cue
long enough to explain
Certainly l was born IN Valparaiso-
Valparaiso. Ind"
8Ir. Crimes muttered something that
was not prayer.
x x q x
There is a certain grocery clerk
in the northern part OF .ue city who
learned a lesson the other DAY that he
him a dollar 10 learn IL. a farmer.
slightly under the influence Of liquor
came past the store and accidentally fen
against a window. The pane was struck
by HIS hand ana slightly cracked The
clerk saw the accident ana. although tho
crack in the glass was 50 slight that it
could hardly be seen. DE demanded that
the farmer pay MIN half dollar which
ne meant 70 drop into his own pocket.
The farmer paid the money readily and
the clerk p0cketed the coin. sewing be (
would have the window repaired that az
ternoon. The clerk thought tho deal
closed and started back into the store
when be was halted IS the farmer. who +
sail:
"say. my friend. I've just paid you q
half dollar for breaking your winduw. +
haven't I?'
you have" came from tho clerk
Gwen. then. 7 guess the window SIS
mine and he turned ard wifh ono kick
smashed the glass nto thousand bite
It cost tho clerk ilet dollar and half /
70 have a new glass put 81.
Many years ago. a young fellow entered +
the freshman class a. Amnerst college
"a LAD with q square jaw. steady eye s.
persistent work. One day. after he had B.
been in college about week he took
chair frou his room into the hlH. mount
Cd s. and nailed over the door large
square ~ cardboard an which was uatrt-
1d "a big black letter s. and nothing else
College boys a. not Ike mTgferleT. ard /
the young mans neighbers tried r. make
him tell what the big 3 meant Was n
for luck The s9phonaoTea took it up
and treated the f-eshraau 20 eguc boz
Ing. but Be would make no aurHer - the
questions they put At lar. D. was ~
alone ard his v remalufd OYER the door
merely mark ~ zoe eceeatficity ~ Gee
occupant
-Four years passed. o. the commence
-uent day Horace Maynard deliveries t1e
raledlctery ~ hir Glass; tfe fiTfesf honor
he ciess bestowed aff4r he bad lerf tte
platform arni1 fhs applause ~ nia fsl
oa students and ~ fhe as5ierce. ooe ~
bis class mates aecasted hu
YVES chat whlt vcrr meant
We're you afte- the vaia8IeterT whea y9l
acked VIZ that cardT
-Of course Maynard repas1. "H1at
.lEe couIo it have heenz How else -1al4
zRE
An amusing loc'1ert - related ~ ere
.omuza5er n ono ~ tte faerf Ergasa
'ns-s rua1ing 70 Cage cead sese Sic
vzs c1ca ateani1g draa the rtzrrs8
when th-s fox cane ~ ma
inas ~ reteT lfa-r fhs bridge ara
-asga en s1gr1re ttf frE horn ft.eff