West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-10-24
COL. BROONsgDGE CALLS ON
JEfF LIPSCOMB.
lie Describes Jeff's ONCE with HIS
Old Time Regard for Truth.
From Our stan Rousiaboul

From Our STAFF Roustabout
jeff Lipscomb's office is on an
upper floor of business building in
Parsons. There are two ways OF
getting up to it. One is to climb a
stairway. Another is to climb the
hill against which the building i.
located and slide into the upper hal
through a rear door. But this is
nothing strange in Tucker county.
Tucker is made up of hillsides which
slope at angles varying from 4s to
80 degrees. JEFF house is higher
up the hill, and he is figuring on a
plan that will save him the trouble
of sliding down hill or climbing up.
He will build a wooden tramway
between the two points and keep i,
oiled with the bears grease that he
occasionally takes in payment for
work. OF course there will be no
trouble in going down the grade.
The return trip will be provided for
by causing the vehicle to ram
against an oil tempered, quadruple
expansion, double back action Sc,
of springs, which, when set loose,
Will send the whirlimajig spinning
up hill to the commissary depart
ment.
jeff was found in his office smok
ing a pipe with stem three feet
long. This pipe answers on all
ordinary occasions, but when left
gets in front of his typewriter, he
hnds 1t in his way. Being an inven.
tive genius, however, the difficulty
has been successfully surmounted.
He has fastened a pipe bowl into a
lamp stand fastened on the wall.
The aforesaid bowl holds double
hand full of home grown Tucker
tobacco. A lighted lamp stands on
the table underneath, and the fumi-
eating apparatus is made complete
by attaching rubber tube to the
stem of the pipe.
Jeff carefully removed his silk tile.
which he busted with a silk hand
kerchief, and then he brushed his
Prince Albert broadcloth suit and
put an extra shine on has patent
leather shoes. Next he took off his
kid gloves and whaled away at his
typewriter to write deed for a man
who was waiting for it. The metes
and bounds of the deed ran as
follows
beginning at the thumb hand
corner of Zeke Parsons land. then
running up rabbit .track to the
nearest corner of Eph Parsons land ;
then to woodchuck hole at Israel
Parsons pig-pen; then up a hill to a
sugar tree with 81 sap-sprouts stand
ing at the edge of Abe Parsons land :;
then down the other side to a foot
log near Esau Parsons wood pile +;
then along a run as crooked as a
distorted streak of chain lightning
to the place of beginning, the said
run bounding the lands of Zachariah.
Absalom, Isaac, Nehemiah and Ish-
mael Parsons.
While Jeff was saving away at the
deed, which was crooked-in its
boundaries-your reliable cores
pendent sighted a nest of pigeon
holes, above which were identifying
marks such as the following:
give gags on Deacon Brown
Keep till next election campaign"
ga good one on John T. Roger
Fire it off at the holiday season."
"a sockdolger on J. Ed. Kildow-
Good at any time"
"Letters from Kingwood con-
tanning more pointers to use on the
Deacon"
"Rough drafts of original squibs
to be worked up at odd moments. 4"
Then Jeff, after he had put little
more axle grease on his typewriter.
and got rid of his caller, kicked his
chair a yard backward over the
Brussels carpet and turned to yours
truly with the observation
Look here, Zeph, don't YOU
think the Deacon needs to be ioliied
up little since a Wolf has entered
the fold Just see me do him I'D.
Didn't think of that till now"
Jeff gave exactly "a pulls at his
rubber pipe to stimulate his think
ing capabilities, and the way he
then clawed over the keyboard of
the machine was a caution.
IEPHANrAH BRooMsEDcE.
In an address before the State
Convention of the w. c. r. U. at
I1L fV,r L.