The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1901-11-07
RUM-1NA71oxs.


Imagine the churches of to-day burn
ing at the stake-mortgages. -. +,
Bank robbers make good glass work
ers because they are safe blowers. (.
Fifteen thousand glass workers have
resumed their labors. What a blow.
Indian summer has gone to the happy
hunting ground, and has been put on
cold storage.
Its said that men belonging to labor
unions object to being vaccinated be-
cause of the scab.
There is shortage of freight cars
throughout the country and all the
shippers are in ''box."
The horny-handed son of toll who
deals in stock as bred by the corpora
7tlons is very often de-horned.
A short time ago it was ice cream
and angel food and Pan-Am., but now
it is plain cakes and ''ham-and.
An attorney informs the supreme
court that slot machines are not gamb-
ling devices. What are they, savings
banks?
A Chicago man spanked his wife be-
cause she wanted to caress him on his
return from business. Perhaps she
had been eating onions.
No, dear and constant reader, in case
OF lockjaw we would not advise you to
try locksmith or pink pills, but hire
a>good all-round doctor.
They say j. Adam Bede is to become
Interested in an Idaho oil proposition.
Jadam always did follow close upon the
trail of Towne. But as Bede ALWAYS
has been throwing oil on troubled, wa
tiers, he will not prove novice in the
oil business.
A member of the UNION force at
tended services atthe Methodist church
last Sunday morning and during the
service some plastering fell from the
ceiling and struck him on the head.
1t descended like mama from heaven
and the gentleman who holds cases in
this office thought that he was imbued
with power from on high for q few
minutes. We trust that our Methodist
brethren will see that the upper works
OF the sanctuary are kept in safe con-
dition, as printers do not like to ''get
it in the neck'' for going to church.
We are informed that there are sew
enty-seven drug stores in Los Angeles
which has a population of 1O3, 900. The
drug stores thrive on the invalid trade
and it is a lively time the drug stores,
doctors and undertakers have in the
thriving city of Los Angeles. The in
valids as they locate there at once be-
come objects of great interest to the
three trades and professions. The doc
tor sizes up the chances of the invalid
holding out long enough to open up a
good account with him, and the drug
gist gives the patient the sympathetic
hand of fellowship, while the UNDER
taker wonders how long he will have
to wait until he gets share of the
business. 1t is trinity of trade the
success of which depends much on the
health and purse of the invalid. Some
times the climate itself, like a guar
dian angel, steps in and guides the
health-seeker through the tortuous
channel OF trade, while the doctor, the
druggist and the undertaken look on
in amazement. If you are going to
California and wish to avoid the vul-
gar stare of this trinity take your
health with you.
Does it pay to do good and be good?
A learned Yale professor thinks King
Alfred the Great was an overrated
man and much of the stuff written
about him is a myth. This opinion
will not materially effect Alfred's fu-
ture but it does seem as if after thous-
and years that a man's-especially a
king ought to pass in
spection. Alfred little realized $50
years ago when he was trying to blow
of the scales of ignorance and dark
ness from the world and try and make
it comb it's hair and pull down it's vest
that after he had been gone few hun
dred years some s5,000-a-year professor
would give him the horse laugh. And
then what incentive is it to the Amer
lean boy. trying to repair mower out