Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1901-02-22
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AltueT DelHS out SIX weeks we sue
caded in gittin' back our jobs.-Puck.
Mistress (severely)-If such thing
occurs again, Norah, | shall have to get
another servant. Norah-l wish yer
would; there's easily enough work fer
two of us.-Tit- Bits.
She-Have you read that continued
story in the paper? He-Not all of it.
She-How far did you get? He-I fin
ished the synopsis of preceding chap
ters. s."-Brooklyn Life.
Golf and chess: Foozle-l suppose
you are willing to admit that golf is an
intellectual pastime? Bunker-Yes, In
about the same sense that chess is an
athletic game.-Boston Transcript.
what kind of man Is this John
Smith" "Oh. he's the kind that
thinks he can hold on to his umbrella
by having his name engraved. on. the
handle."-New York Evening World.
Sportsman Ito Smith. who hasn't
brought down single bird all day.
DO you know Lord Peckham Smith
Oh, dear, yes; Eve often shot at his
house. Sportsman-Ever hit it?-Fun.
Lucky Bingles: "Bingles Is lucky
man; his time goes right ON whether he
is waking or sleeping, sick OF we'll"
what is Bingle's businessT watch
maker. columbus (Ohio) State Jour
nal.
scientist at work: "How did you
come to be professional beggar2' 81
amt no professional beggar. I'm em-
played to git up statistics on how many
heartless people they Is In this town.
Chicago Record.
Homegrown lustre: "rhen you don't
bank much OH ancestral pride?" mo;
1t Is more to a mans credit to start
from nowhere and be somebody than to
start from somewhere and be nobody"
Indianapolis Journal.
The exact truth exacted. Caller
"You look like good and truthful girl:
tell me--is your mistress really out9
Domestic-She is, ma'am. Caller
Where? Domestic-At the elbows,
ma a'am.-Chicago Tribune.
4 well, Borus," said Naggus, the en-
inent literary critic, II see you began
the new century right" "How's that p"
asked Borus, the struggling author. II
don't understand" You didn't write
any poem about it."-Chicago Tribune.
Subsidy Defined: IL see so much In
the newspapers about subsidies What
does subsidy mean, JohnT" "A sub
sidy. Mary. is where | give you twenty
dollars for going to see your mother In.
stead Of having her come to see you."--
Denver News.
So Consoling: Lady (whose mare has
just kicked member Of the hunt, who
was following too closelyl-Oh. I'm so
sorry! | do hope. 1t didn't hurt you!
She's such n gentle thing, and could
only have done 1t Id the merest play.
you know.-Punch.
Towne-"That boy Of Jones' Is older
that he looks, isn't he? Browne-I
don't think so. Why? TOwne--l saw
him out skating to-day. and he never
once tried TO see how near he could go
to the danger sign without falling in.-
Philadelphia Press.
Useless: You didn't submit quietly
to their gagging you. did your asked
the officers who had hurried to the
scene as soon as the robbery was over.
Nor gasped the victim: ~ chewed the
rag. of course. but what good did that
do"-Chcago Tribune.
"What do you find In that stupid old
paper to keep you so busyY" petulantly
asked Mrs. Youngcouple. ~ was Just
looking at the money MARKET" he an
swered. "Oh, do they have a money
market? Are there ever any bar
gains T-lndianapolis Press.
Mr.. Sophtie-Well, Willie. your sister
has given herself to me for Christ
mas present; what do you think Of
Nat? Willle-Huh! That's what she
done fur Mr. Brown last year. an he
gev her back before Easter; bet you'll
do the same.-Phlladelphl Record.
MAN." said the up-to-date maiden.
SIS but mixture Of arrogance, tobac-
co. and football statistics" Woman"
answered the end-of-the-century man.
sis no more than compound of vanity
cosmetics, and golf poses." And then
they were married. Detroit Free Press
Walker-The bride was quite popu-
lar girl, wasn't she? Watklnson--Yes.
Indeed; the Evening Sacrificer sent Its
sporting man TO report It; he printed a
list OF rejected lovers half column
long under the heading Among Those
Who Also Ran."-St Louis Post-Dls-
patch.
The Prima Donna tafter the first act)
Il won't 90 on again unless that box
party makes less noise! nearly had