The times., 1901-06-16
WATERS And THEIR Woes
The GarcOn's Work by No Means a
Bed of Roses.
People They Serve and Tips They
Reccive-The Tricks of Mean Gus
tOmers-WhOIcsuIe Hnm-nud-Egg
Diet-Matince Girls UnyeIcome

Diet-Matfnce Girls UnweIcome
The talkative waiter was unburdenine
his mind of many things. 1t was in the
middle of the afternoon, and the fash
ionable cafe-not to be too explicit. this
cafe has frontage on Broad Street-was
practically empty. y regular customer
was dawdling over a late lunch. The
buzzing of a bluebottle fly against an up-
per windowpane occasionally punctuated
the conversation of the talkative waiter.
The regular customer at the table cast
furtive glances out of the window into
Broad Street and pretended to be bored.
This attitude was pretence, pure and sim
pie, for it is i very unusual thing to en-
counter a taIkatiye waiter in a fashion
able cafe.
But then this particular waiter knew
! the regular customer-had known him for
a long while-and surely there was no
harm in a few condolences when things
were slack of warm afternoon, and
Edouard, the ever-watchfui, was taking
his siesta. s. the waiter talked and
talked and talked. and the regular Gus
toner pretended to be ineffabIy bored,
but was really very much interested. OF
course, he couldn't show this. We all
understand that.
Sometimes 1 feel like quitting the
business altogether and buying a little
place out in the country" said the waiter,
as he brought the salad and placed the
| various ingredients where the regular GUS
| toner could reach them when ne was
ready to mix the dressing, as was his
! wont. i cv,:d raise poultry or garden
truck, and make nice living for myself
and my family without always being
rubbed the wrong way. That's the worst
thing about being waiter-youre always
being rubbed the wrong way.
I've got my eye on a little place down
Jersey that l can buy clear for s so.
! oh, yes, sir; l can easily afford it. I've
| been here for over twelve years, sir, and,
| If / do say it myself, I think I could buy
and sell lot of people who come in here
with their lordly airs and treat M as the
| dirt beneath their feet. Beg pardon, sir
No offence intended, sir. l spoke hastily.
There are gentlemen and gentlemen.
! But I can't help feeling-even waiter
| is human, sir-that there are times when
l should rise superior to my occupation.
l have a fairly good English education.
with enough of Fl nch to carry me
through. We are all supposed to be
either French or German walters, sir, but
I was born up in Kensington. My father
was an Englshman, a carpet weaver from
Kidderminster, and my mother was of
French descent. I've never been very far
from Philadelphia in my life, but when
some of these vulgarly rich people who
have been abroad call me 'garcon, and in
the next breath say: Gimme some O.
them there sweetbreads en- brochetty,' L
naturally feel like throwing up my job
The oil? Yes, sir; there it is at your ell
bow, sir.
But it's the cheap young man who
wants to put up a big front that gives
me the severest pain in the solar plexus,
if you will pardon my slang, sir. Oh, ne
is the limit. If he is ever found foully
murdered some night in a dark alley with !
his head beaten to pulp that resembles !
calves-foot jelly, you can put it down on
the slate as the work of the Walters
Union.
He usually makes about SIS week. |
and Saturday night he blows it all on |
his best girl. AT first sight you would |
think that she didn't deserve it, but after |
they have been in a couple of times you |
change your mind. 1t isn't that you wish |
her any good luck, but you feel that the /
worst that's coming to him isn't bad
enough. You even hope that they VIII
get married.
But here's the funny part of it. He
always gives a generous tip. 1t seems
like robbery to take it, but what can
you do? He wants to put up good
front, and he's always good for a dollar
on the side. That's part of his dazzling |
game Then he goes and feeds himself |
at l5-cent restaurant the rest of the
week. Do you wonder hate to take his
money?
Tips? Oh, yes, sir; tips constitute our
source Of income. It's a poor
week don't take in $50 above my salary.
l We taken as high as $3.50 a week. but
that that was due to an unusual run of-ah
trunlts, sir, if you will pardon the sx
preston. When the wine is in the wit Is
out. you know. sir.
NO, we don't depend upon the rich for
our pIcklngs; As a rule, have discovered
that the rich man is close and the poor
man IS lavish. That is perhaps the rea-
son why the rich man stays rich and the
poor man stays poor In a place like this
above and below stairs we can't very |
wei help getting to know all about the |
people who make a practice of coming
mere, ana re get to know their circum- :
stances pretty well have often taken 7
a lO-cent tip from millionaires and a So | !
Zip from men who didn't know where the ! c
next five was TO come from. OF course, | I
-hese are extreme cases, but the rule d
holds good in the long run. Y
There's one man who occasionally q
,omes here with the young woman TO | 7
whom he is aged-yOu see, we know I
All the talk OF the town-WhO manages to a
get out of tip by having a quarrel with C
waiter We do our best to discourage
him from coming here That is one of the
ricks of the business. but it does't work s
with him, although ii does with most peo- p
DE who are not thick-skinned. This man D
$, very. We can't drive him away. He Il
always finds fault with something and | q
makes that an excuse for not giving a |
ip. He usually waits until the coffee is
erved, and then he makes a kick because
t is too weak. He frownS severely and |
ays: How many times must l tell you :
hat my coffee must be stronger? This |
sn't fit 10 drink. and just for that YOU |
get no tip; not a soui'
He says this very feTOciOusly. and tries
o look impressivcly, but it doesn't work, o
ecause We are all on to him One day | k
saw him drop a fly into his cup, after [
e had drank nearly all of it, and then 4
aise an awful kick and refuse to pay e
OF it. h
But aside from the question of tips v
ye see lots that would delight the soul 4
+ Max Nordau. Yes, sir; l have read c
is 'Degeneracy. most remarkable e
oOk 1t might nave been written by a / Il
faiter To see a man trying to order r
breakfast that will tit his stomach the d
lOrning after-ahi that is a sad specta- s.
le, sir. My heart has often bled for one o
these unfOrtUnateS Gallying between a O.
liIk punch with an egg in il, and a rum a
melettc with an absinthe frappe to wash
down. | once waited on a man from ''
lutte, Mon, who hadn't been in bed for g!
hrec nights. He ordered $40 worth of c,
am and eggs, and pulled three tables to- b
ether to have his breakfast served on. ! II
Ie ate So worth, drank a quart Of cham st
agne and then the ambulance took him 81
the hospital n
But there are two classes of custom ol
dread m