The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1901-09-06
SPINNING WHEEL.
PARADES.


Its the same old cheat
Don't come down our street.
Never knowed EN-, Fourth-July
Or election day.
All we do Is hear the drums,
Bout Il mile away.
Other chaps can see without
Maxim half a try,
Jest a-'ook ut Billy's luck
When the Six went by
DAY they wouldn't femme go
.'CNuse't was rAinin hnrd)-
Watched the whole thing sittin' on
The front stoop in his yard!
Jacky alus gets 'em, Joe's
Corners where they meet.
Like to know, once, why parades
Don't never come our street
-Catharine Young Glen, in the Century
Magazine.
One CT the best stories Gen. Archie
Williams ever drew from his vast roper
tory is told on himself. Many years ago
when attorney general Of Kansas, MIR.
Williams had occasion to make trip
to the East. He had no railroad passes
east of the Missouri river, 50 he Dor
rowe.l an annual over an Illinois road
from his old friend Jake Smith. 1t
hoppened during the first stretch through
Illinois that the conductor CT the train
on which the Kansas man rode was a
former Schoolmate of his. The conduc-
tor recognized Williams, but Williams
did not recognize the conductor, and
about this fact the fun Of the story
hangs.
Mr.. Smith, said the conductor after
working his train and returning to have
chat with his passenger from Kansas,
Il see you you are frcm Topeka; ala
you ever know 4 man out there by the
uu,On IF rch;n Williamson
Eyes, | know him very we'll, respond
cd the pseudo Smith after struggling
hard to steady his nerve and regain his
colnpoHure. Yes, Williams is consider
able Of il fellow out there. He's attor-
ney-gcneral Of the state.
wrH n" In by '' dm eac" Gatt the r"n
ductor. What kind Of a people are they
cut there in Kansas to elect chuckle-
head like that FOR att1rnH!y- General:
here in lllnoiS-grew up with him. You
might sAy-and Of all the dundle-pated.
>;l,->idcd. Stcp-on-hmself-a nd-fal-over
tellers You ever saw, Williams was the
worst. That man att"rney-Seneral:
Why. if YOU will believe me. Mr.. Smith,
he didn't know law enough t." wad a
shotgun. He was run out OF here be-
cauSc--
Stop it! Stop it, yelled Williams.
sprin=ing to his feet 'There IS your
IIHnktly Ulillk sinful pass, tdNt ~ ny
and collect fare if you want to, but you
can't abuse ME any longer"
City Journal.
I'll admit that I opposed your mar
riagc, my chldren,' said Silas Fodder,
but now that you're hitched up, Ill for
give you.'
The groom Strengthened up and put Il
80. o boot down hard on the floor.
II don't see where You come in in this
frrgivin' bizneSs,' he answered. AS you
say. you done your level best to keep us
from gittin' Spicet, an it seems that
ort to be the one to do the fergivin'
Mandy's goin' to move over in Jasper
township, an if l even ketch YOU aroun'
the place IN fill you full O buckshot!'
And taking Mandy's lily-white hand in
his own large brown one, he strobe
across the Observation-Disclosures Sum-
The boys name is Rufus, and he was
husly engaged in polishing the doctors
shoes while he was being shaved As was
his custom the doctor said: How are
you feeling, Kufus?'
Il ain't much; kinder poorly, thank
you, d"ctor., answered the boy.
"What'S the NATTER"
"Palalysis."
"What!'
"I'nralysiS.'
Had the doctor not been so we'll ac-
Quaintrd with the negro race he mi ght
have allowed himself 10 show aStoni~h-
mont As it was he determined to see
what would result from further inquiries.
"WhrreS your paraly>iS!' he asked
kindly.
Rufus was drawing rag swiftly
across his left shoe.
In the right hip. 'loctah, h. answered.
Its probably rheumatiSm,' suggested
The physician.
"\c indeed. Its paralysis. reckon
knows rheumatism. and knows paral-
y>iS This is snttenly paralysis
The doctor drew il Good-SZed Scarfpin
from the lapel of his coat.
"Wcll. Rufus" he said seriously. there
is only one way |" 1rll. Come here. I'm
going to jab this pin into your hip. II it
NUTS. then you have rheumatism. If
YOU don't feel it. then You are right, and
YOU have paral y>i>.'
1houghtfully across the shoe. Finally he
said:
"Dortah. reckon YOU mus know more
about them things than do. know it
Amt. nnthin' but jes common ole mis-
ery.'-kanSHS City Star,
\ certain judge who once presided over
Il criminal court was famous as one of
the most compassionate men who ever
sat upon the bench. His softness OF
heart however, did not prevent him
from tcing his duty as judge. \ man
who had been convicted Of stealing i,
small amount was brought into court TO,
sentence. He looked very sad and hope.
less. and the court was much moved by
his contrite appearance. Have you ever
been sentenced to impriSonment?' the
judge asked. Never. Never" exclaimed
the prisoner, bursting into tears. Don
cry. don't cry" said the judge. consol
ingly; ''you're going to be now!"-Stra,
Stories.
There has been considerable saij
about the per cent. of fare the conducto,
thinks belongs to him over and above hi,
salary. and some very witty things have
been said about it. Even the RrcaJwa,
hack platform philosopher has his digs a
them said a Cleveland professional
man the other day to Plain Dealer re-
porter.
II once heard Of fellow. much under
the influence Of liquor, who got on The
train to 90 home after enjoying limsrl
at a picnic. He slipped into seat an;
fell asleep. After the train pulled out tn.
conductor came into the car and called
"''TicketS"' The nicnicEor waS @,x