Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-08-24
ROUTING OF AN AUNT.


| to be prepared for the worst. Fore
| warned-yOu know the rest; and | have
an uncomfortable sense of impending
; doom which will completely overWhelm
ourselves if we don't meet il with a
| brace. 4 nervous shock is always an
unwelcome visitor, even in doctors
| family, SO | think it only fair to warn
| you. | have an aunt--sOle survivor of
| her species. | hope. Her most marked
| chara cteristic is an uncontr0llable desire
| to regulate other peoples AFFAIRS. She
| appears suddenly in your midst, takes
you in hand and until some more favor
| able opportunity turns up keeps on crush
ing you. your spirits and your habits.
| fear this devotion to her family will lead
her to take us in hand. And if she does
we're in for it, for she is not likely to
find a better field for action in some
time, for ! haven't an unmarried relative
| left SO prepare for the onslaught
"Why we haven't even invited her"
| Child. That is a trifle which She new
or considers: if she did she'd never leave
home Anyhow, though the outlook is
| bad, we're three to one. and perhaps we
! may contrive to Gust her. LII my own
| powers of invention fail me, you'll step
| in the breach won't you, Fred!"
Fred Brent at that time our guest,
chimed in enthusiastically. Such mali
cious detraction, such fiendish plots |
| trust it may never again be my lot to
listen to. | was dumfOunded by the spite
these two fellows displayed, the more so
as | placed small credence in the exag-
gerated accounts my husband had given
me of Aunt Jem's peculiarities. | was
soon TO be undeceived. Less than a
week after this conversation Jem APP
peared in the library with doleful coun-
tenance and an open letter.
Il told you so, Annie. Aunt Jem is
coming. and I'm to meet her at the 4:30
| train," he groaned.
Jim departed manfully to his unpleas-
ant task and Fred and / spent the inter-
val peering curiously between the half
closed blinds at the passersby. A rattle
over cObblestones and an impatient
Whoa announced my husbands re-
| turn. The poor man sat swathed in
| shawl straps, bags, maeklntoshes and
umbrellas, three trunks crowded the roof
| of rickety cab, and red-faeed driver
was engaged in meekly oheying the di-
/ rections of a shrill voice that doaE ssted
i the scene. And at last from out of this
confusion appeared tall, angular wOm-
an, sharpnosed, thin-lipped, wrapped in
a hideous brown shawl. Prudence CON
quering desire, / came forth to greet my
unwelc0me guest. convinced on the in
slant that Jim's descriptions had in no
wise done her justice.
$50 this is your wife? l thought she'd
| be very different-you used to be so fond
of strapping blondes, Jim. Do you re-
member the one you rushed at EXmorey'
And she giggled unpleasantly, revealing
a set of obviously false teeth that re-
minded me of nothing so much as a row
of tombstones.
My husband grew white with rage.
''Never mind, my dear" continued
Aunt Jem. Il think I'll soon feel quite
at home with you. I'll try to make my
self useful, so your husband can count
! mn t1NDs rnfi npta v,1
| Sistance.'
Excuse me, aunt: that will be quite
| unnecessary. My friend. Mr.. Brent; my
aunt said my husband.
Aunt Jem rested pair of disappearing
eyes upon the unhappy Fred.
"A visitor hey? How unpleasant in
such small house. ! suppose I'm to
have room to myself?'
Certainly Aunt Jem: Martha will
take you upstairs at once Aunt Jem's
nose wrinkled disdainfully as she peered
into the little room allotted her, adjoin-
ing Fred's.
Il hope your friend won't stay long.
prefer his room to this one In the
meantime, just push the bed up against
the wall, pull out that table and take
away this chair. / must have a leather
covered rocker instead. and some dark
curtains at the window. and"
INT at this juncture l fed to the
kitchen and sought to stifle my forebod-
lngs with the thought of the nice din
ner l had prepared. But scarcely had
given few needed directions before
Aunt Jem's nose came smiling through
the door
Fish! | know Won don't nrnnsra r.
to suit me. And veal outlets! You
must put little onion in the batter. l
always like ii that way. And what have
we hereF Rice! Never eat it, You'll
nave to prepare some other vegetable for
me-
This continued during the following
week--dining room. kitchen. parlor the
doctors reception room. even his ma
Ients, fell beneath Aunt Jem's criticism.
Ihen criticism passed to complaint; com
pant to fault-hnding. Our timid hints
lhat her presence was unwelcome fell
upon unheeding ears. Aunt Jem had de-
charge she did take us. and that with =
vengeance. My faithful maid-of-all-
| WORK rehelllouSiy announced that the
aunt or she must leave the kitchen.
l can stand her, ma am, at all. Us
pad enough when she mixes with tho
in my Enery-Ohw
And katie'S wall rose to n wild Irish
howl that brought my husband to the
This, thing has got to stop" Jim an.
hounced that evening. Home is become
/ - 'iiidtNs anu L u ne hanged II VI
pay the bills for that old freaks amusc.
ment any longer"
Right you are chimed in Fred: 'it's
enough to drive us all mad Wen have
TO adopt drastic measures, and vote VIC
begin this very evening"
The vote seconded and sustained. nc.
| tion promptly followed The two mer
labored mysterious,v mp and down thu
stairs. carrying great jars of Chemicals
until they succeeded in arousing a volley
Of curious questioning from Aunt lem
But neither vouchsafed her any inforrna.
ton. and soon aiterward they bolted
themselves in Fred's room, leaving the
! enemy with one eye glued TO the keyhole
Soon cloud Of smoke filtered through
the cracks and keyholes, pungent with
odors that converted Aunt Jem's room in.
to yeritable pesthouSe. l could hear
her rumme ging noisily about then .
couple of doors slammed followed by q
silence which remained unbroken until
4 Tim a rN1 NTH ~