davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
Culture and EducatioD

Wunn-What is the difference be-
tween culture and education?
Tuther-If you are cultured you are
acquainted with the latest novels, and
If you are educated you are acquainted
with the latest Observation-Disclosures
oils Press
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
Not auite Perfect

''I think he's perfect little fool, so
there!" exclaimed the daughter.
"Fie! Fie! daughter" replied the
mother; remember, remember, there
is no such thing as perfection. nova.
days. "-Yonkers Statesman.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
over the Back Fence.

First Woman-You've got to retract
what you said about me.
Second Woman won't. never
take anything back.
First Woman-Indeed, you don't,
but you'll borrow everything your
neighbors have if you get chance
Detroit Free Press.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
A Wonderful Cnne

Cassidy-Yis, Dim all right now, doc
Their. Ills the quare way We how o.
curin' man, intirely.
DIR. Faykerr-Ahl You wouldn't be
well now if you hadn't followed the
written directions as l told you.
Cassidy--Follered thin? Faith, Of
thought We said "swoller" thin, an.
that's what Oh donel-Philadelph
Prese.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
No Propress Made.

Lover (bravely)-Sir, want to mar
ry your daughter.
Father (coldly)-Wen, I'm not sur
prised at that. If were in your place
I think I should want to marry her
myself. Courier.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
Enonuh saId

First Burglar-W'ot's dat?
Second Burglar-Bunch o. dressma-
ker's bills.
First Burglar-Receipted?
s. Second Burglar-Receipted
First Burglar2Come on; let's get
out o. here!-Judge.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
A Question of Taste.

Belle-What do you think of the
brides gown? Don't you think she
has good taste?
Beulah-Perhaps for gowns, but not
for busband.-Yonkers Statesman.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
An Alias,

Hewitt-Brown is travelling under
false colors.
Jewett-How so?
Hewitt-His real name is White
Town Topics.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
AocntInr the ChIn

Ere long you'll meet the ice man
To complain about your bill:
The chunk will never freeze you,
But perhaps his manner Will.
Washington Star.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
The Only Course

silas-Say, Cy, what did the good
folks say when they found out Josh
Hardwood's son had turned highway
man?
Cyrus-Nothin'I just held up their
hands.-CtSSrgo Daily News.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
A Confession.

what fool man in love can beA
Even have been one of those.
He has even been known
As in case like my own
TO have gone so far as propose.
Judge.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
Just So.

This world is like crowded bus.
A few good men perhaps
May find a seat, but most Of US
Must hang on by the straps
Harlem Life.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13

Arthur-Jack has had another quar-
rel with Maude.
Fred (Jack's rivaD that
fellow He'll get her yet.-Town Top
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13

The Duke-Just give me q months
option on that and III consider it,
Brooklyn Life.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
Credit Where cream I-nuo

"She has very pretty hair"
at isn't her own"
"How about her ugly temper?"
That's hers" - Cleveland Plain
Dealer
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
The Flying Visit.

Thai mans my friend who just steps in
ny office, makes his errand spin.
Then says: I'm OIL must not stay
] see this is your busy day"
Chicago Record Herald.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13

"Yes. but she tells me that their
appetites are abnormal" - Philadel.
phia Bulletin.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
Opposed to Monopolie~.

did you say that young man in the
parlor tried TO kiss you, dear?" said
the young stepmother.
yes, he did," replied the daughter.
"And did you tell him you would call
me?"
mo, didn't; do you think no one
in the house wants to be kissed but
youP'-Yonkers Statesman.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
Ru.Ine.. rn Rusine.s

The Millionaire-Yes, your highness,
intend to settle ten millions on my
daughter the day she is married.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
Dol the Wronr CInx.

Mrs. Pheedem's boarders seem 70
be nearly all students who belong to
the norraal class.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
An UNWILLING Vtotim

First Reporter guess I'll take a
little of your tobacco, if you don't
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13
A Man with a Marble Heart

''I was singing I'd leave my happy
home for you. when the lano4ord
called"
s'Well?"
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13

Second Reporter don't care how
little you take.-Somerville Journal.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13

"He said if we didn't pay up the
back rent, we'd both have to go, for
a fact."-Detroit Free Press.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13

Employer-Katie, come here quickI
Katie-Just one moment, until 1
have finished this chapterl-Lustige
Blaetter.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13

Mr.. George Branch, Mahon, Texas,
writes: Ozono has done me n
world OF good. Everyone that uses it
viii use no other hair tonic.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1901-07-13

Mr.. w. @. Digs, swarthmore. Pa,
says: have used your preparations.
They have done more than you claimed
for them. l heartily recommend them.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

greatness. their weakness in that re-
spect does not extend to the degree
which it pretends to believe marks it.
A few seem to think they see objec-
tionable features in the treaty which
the Times declares surrenders every
thing that was England's to surrend-
er, but it is not likely that they will
go to the extent of opposing the treaty
and make demand for even greater
concessions. They may criticise the
treaty and in so doing exercise their
right as senators to find fault and
show their superior wisdom, but when
all will have been heard and the time
comes to vote it will be a great SUR
prise to the nation if the treaty is not
ratified. The fact that it has receiv
ed favorable report from the COM
mittee may be accepted as indicating
the absence of any very strong feeling
OF hostility to it and as indicative of
its final success.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

Uncle Sam his relatives and
friends on the other side of the ocean
that he is not in the least discommod.
ed by the little drafts they are max.
ing on him just now. On the contrary,
he is only too happy to be able to
oblige them and begs that they re
member him whenever in need of more
assistance Of that sort. He has a re-
publican business manager in charge
of his affairs and whatever surplus
he may have is not required for the
maintenance of soup houses, as was
the case when he needed the popular
cry for a change, made some years
ago.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13
. Philippine

Omaha Bee: The report of General
Chaffee on conditions in the Philip
pines corroborates what has been said
by other military officers regarding
the unreliable and treacherous char
acter of the natives, to which is large
ly due the p~rolongation of the guerilla
warfare. All who have visited the is
lands and made careful investigation
agree in saying that no dependence
can be placed upon the professions
of friendship for Americans on the
part of Filipinos generally, though
doubtless some of them are sincere.
The large majority of them, it seems,
have no conception of American prin-
ciples, which is not at all surprising
in view of the political system under
which they have always lived, while
very generally they regard the hui
name methods of American admins
tration as an evidence of weakness.
President Roosevelt said in his mes
sage that in u anxiety for the well
fare and progress of the Philippines
lit may be that here and there we
have gone too rapidly in giving them
local self-government. 1t is on this
side that our error, if any, has been
committed. No competent observer,
sincerely DESTROYS of finding out the
facts and Influenced only by a desire
for the welfare of the natives, can as
sert that we have not gone far enough.
We have gone to the very verge of
safety in Fastening the process. To
have taken a single step further or
faster in advance would have been fol-
ly and weakness, and might well have
been crime" There is reason to think
that the advance in this respect has
been too rapid. The Judge advocate
general of the army in the Philippines
says the suppression of brigandage
will most probably be one of the try
ing problems of the future, adding that
ii the military arm were left to deal
with the marauders there would be no
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13
~CARNEGlE'S GIFT.

In the proposition to endow a uni
versity for higher education on tn,
scale OF munificence contemplated il
the offer he has made to the presi
dent, Andrew Carnegie is laying thu
foundation for a monument to himself
grander and more lasting than has
ever been reared to the memory OF
any man. But it will not only be a
monument to himself. 1t will stand
for all time as a tribute to the genius
OF the country which has enabled the
builder to rise from obscure poverty
to the height of affluence and philan.
thropic manhood. In making the offer
Mr.. Carnegie no doubt does so in the
knowledge that in no other land in
the world could he have unaided and
alone reached the altitude of individ-
ual success that has crowned his n.
deavor here and he now wishes to uti-
lie some OF the fruits of that success
in providing an institution where men
OF future generations may equip them
selves for the attainment of the high
est and noblest in life and thereby
become aids to the ever onward
march Of civilization and enlighten-
ment.
The spirit of the patriot as well as
of the philanthropist is observable in
the offer. He wants the land in which
he gained his colossal success to lead
all others in original research and
thereby become the one to which all
others must look for their inspiration
and the acquisition of learning and
knowledge in their profoundest de-
gree. 1t is eminently just and proper
that the institution which he plans
be located at the seat of the
government Of the nation for which
he cherishes such lofty ideals.
AS it is the seat of the
Wlsest and most beneicent
in the world so shall it
become the seat of the greatest and
grandest institute of learning the
world knows.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13
THE BILLINGS

not so much to blame as the relic of
barbarism under which he acted. the
law which gives to the navy as a
prize he value of an enemy's ships
captured or destroyed in action. Why
the navy more than the army should
be paid prize money is one of the
things hard to understand. Armies
have been known to capture cities
and entire states, for that matter. vet
they never received anything in the
way of prizes, unless it was what the
thrift of the component members i'm
PEELED them to appropriate without
form of law for their own use and
benefit. even this they had to do quiet
ly and secretly. The days of prize
money should be made a thing of the
past and congress owes it not only to
the country, but to the navy itself to
abolish the laws making the payment
of such honorarimus a thing of mem
ory only. AS long as prize money is |
among the emoluments on which mem
bers of the navy may rely, SO long
will that branch of the military arm
OF the government be open to the sus-
picion that it fights not for country
or glory, but for what there may be
in it in the way of loot. Then, too,
the very evident favoritism displayed
in the division of prize money earned
in the Spanish war is another strong
argument in favor OF a repeal of the
1t shows plainly that it is not
the man or men who are en-
titled to the major portion that re.
celve what they may consider as just
ly due them. The rule said to govern
kissing seems to be applicable to the
of prize money, both go by
'
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13
WAS WITHIN HAjLlNG,

The figures given out by the auditor
of the treasury for the navy depart
ment should be sufficient explanation
OF the reason Sampson had for max
ing his first signal after his arrival
from oiboney n calling attention to
n fact that he was within hailing
distance. Even then he probably had
IN mind the mansion he has since
bought with the prize money awarded
him as his share of the loot resulting
from a battle in which he took no
part. Sampson may not be much of
a fighter and yer rank in that respect
below the 'catiff coward" who is al
legged to have sought escape from an
enemy, but what he does not know
about the law of prize money is not
worth knowing. His long years of
study and devotion to the theories of
naval warfare and the construction of
ordnance did not tend to blunt his
p~erceptive faculties as regards the
value of cold coin. In fact his exper-
lence in that line seems to have sharp
ened them, for it is very evident that
when everyone else of the fleet was
thinking of the glorious victory won
oVer Cevera's fleet the one thought
uppermost in his narrow mind was
money he was entitled to.
IL may not be doing him
an injustice to say that
the same consideration prompted him
TO send an armed launch into the har-
Dor after Toral had surrendered to
GENERA Shafter and demand and take
possession of the craft included in
the surrender.
But possibly after all Sampson is
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

doubt Of their final SUPPRESSION, but
the incoming civil government COM
plicates the situation very consider
ably" This is doubtless a much more
moderate and conservative statement
OF the matter than would have been
made were not military officers under
constraiht to observe moderation in
the expressions Of their opinions.
Perhaps the situation in the phil
ippines has somewhat improved since
these reports were written, but it is
a fact that complete %pacifIcation seems
to be still remote and before it is ac-
complished some decided changes in
policy. may be necessary. Representa-
tive Cooper of Wisconsin, chairman of
the house committee on insular affairs
IN the last congress aud who will prob
ably be %reappointed to that position.
is of the opinion that the controversy
between the ecclesiastical orders and
the natives is at the seat of all the
roubles between the United States
and the Fflipinos and that if the friars
a be eliminated from the situation
peace and submission to the authority
OF the United States will speedily fol-
low. He approves the suggestion Of
Secretary Root that the
should buy the property of the friars
n sell it to settlers. Another thing
urged is a general franchise law which
will promote the Industrial develop
ment of the islands.
The Philippine problem still pre-
sents grave difficulties and there is
an urgent demand upon congress to
meet them. Meanwhile it is mani
festly necessary to maintain the
strength of the military force now in
the archipelago.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

At last Colonies Roosevelt and
Bryan have found a common ground of
agreement. Neither one believes in
the sort of culture that pretends to
see beauty in a horse with its tail
locked. Having yielded to this ex-
tent in adopting a republicans view
OF things, it is to be hoped that the
Nebraska colonel may unbend a little
further and accept some more of the
other colonel's ideas and beliefs.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13
CHANGE OF EMIT.

A marked change seems to have
come over the spirit of the British
press of late in regard to the Hay.
P~auncefote treaty. Instead of con.
tinuing to oppose the treaty, some OF
the o leading of the English news.
papers now favor it. The London
Times, for instance, which when the
text of the agreement was made pub
lie was inclined to take it's govern
ment to task for conceeding too much
to the Americans, now expresses the
hope that the treaty as negotiated may
be adapted by the senate. It is true
that the expression is robbed
somewhat of the manifestation of
friendly spirit which its utterance
suggests by the bitterness that accom-
panies it in the remark concerning
some of our senators and their opposi-
ton to everything calculated to in
crease the friendly relations exist
ing between the two nations, but this
should only be considered in the ma
ture of a personal opinion of the edi-
tor. The Times rather pathetically
suggests that Great Britain surrender
ed everything In the treaty and that
it has nothing more to give without
pretending to something it does not
possess, namely the rights and Incl
dents of territorial sovereignty. Even
we're she to resort to this p%retense,
the Times thinks some of the senators
whom it regards as natural born tail
tWisters would not be satisfied and
would still urge objection to the
treaty because of their enmity to Eng
land.
The Times, perhaps, takes some of
our statesmen of the upper house too
seriously. While some of them may
delight to give an occasional jerk to
the caudel a%ppendage of. the animal
that stands for British power and
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13
WASTED COW

A Butte jury has added another
cllncher to he oft repeated assertion
that human life is held in that com
munlty at a value which makes it
about the cheapest thing the great
mining camp affords. After a trial
lasting several days a man proved to
nave been guilty of about as cold
blooded and causeless a murder as
a ever been committed in that city,
notorious as it has become for affairs
of that kind, was found guilty of MUIR
der in the second degree and sentenc-
ed to the p~enitentiary for n%inety-nine
years.
The Anaconda Standard takes oc-
casion to express it's opinion of the
verdict and the jury that returned it,
and does it in a manner that must be
anything but pleasing to the twelve
men who composed it, but all the com
ments that or any other newspaper
may make or all the criticisms it may
have to offer will avail nothing as far
as the case under consideration is con-
cerned. The verdict stands, unless it
should happen that the murderer is
possessed of means or has friends so
possessed who will aid him, in which
event it may be possible that through
some legal bubble he may be given
another trial and during the long time
that will necessarily elapse until the
next hearing some of the more i'm
portant witnesses for the state may be
spirited away and he go scot free. But
even if all this does not happen. the
animadversions of the Standard are
useless and of no effect. The thing
has been done, and if the Standard
hopes that by a free and honest ex-
preston of opinion and ~unreserved
condemnation of such way of doing
things it may deter other juries
form doing likewise it either exag-
gerates it's W influence or else has
but a poor understanding of the men,
tai and moral fabric of the sort of
men who as a usual thing sit on Butte
]ur1es. So many of the same out
rageous verdicts have been returned
in the courts of that city that the out
side world has come to accept them as
a matter of fact and makes no com
ment. unless it be to simply remark,
another one."
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

It is now in order for the anarchists
to enter a protest against the o
ed legislation of Senator Hoar exiting
them to some distant land or island
there to form a little world of their
own, on the ground that the constitu.
o especially forbids any inhuman
or undue mode of punishment for even
the most hardened and wicked of Grim.
ina1s.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

Judging from current reports ema-
mating at Washington, the sugar trust
is not to be permitted to carry ont
its philanthropic purpose of supply.
ing a long suffering people with a
cheaper article of sweetening for
their tea and coffee. Neither will it
be allowed to exercise it's charitable
iDclinations toward the Cuban plant
ers by benevolently assimilating their
product, plantations and ali.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

Notwithstanding that he was per-
mitted to employ a coachman without
regard for the civil service rules. the
assistant secretary of the navy has
resigned. What the Washington Post
will now do whenever it finds itself
hard up for matter" when in need
CT something to fill it's columns re-
mains to be seen, for Mr.. Hackett
was one of its most fruitful sources
in thai regard.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

Having been granted the privileges
OF the floor for their opening bout and
having given ample testimony that no
change of attitude has occurred to
mark their respective positions on
any past or pending questions, Messrs.
McLaurin and Tillman will now kind.
ly oblige a patient people by assum-
ing recumbent positions in the e
IRENE rear of the senate hall.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

In selling his wild eyed cayuses to
the British for Beers to steal them
later, the Montana rancher gives a
sublime example of strict impartiality
as to the respective rights Of COM
batants, even if he does not quite
come up to Bourke Cochran's ideas of
absolute neutrality.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

AS yet the telegraph has not report
ed any refusal on the part of the
a%ristocratic 1.-TWO bit" piece dropped
into the cash box Of the Charleston
exposition to be on friendly terms
with the quarter Of the colored nan
that finds it's way into the same
receptacle.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

Mrs. Stanford not only sees An
drew's little $1O,O 600, 900, but goes him
a handful of millions better. Being a
gentleman, he will not attempt to
raise the lady out of the game.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

them are to be insulted and wronged
in this outrageous fashion? If the
United States is to have a navy upon
which it can depend and in which it
can take pride, it must visit such con
temptible discrimination as this with
the penalty which it deserves, and do
it quickly.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

Again Governor Dole takes advant-
age Of the first incoming steamer to
forward another denial of his report
ed resignation and sincerely hopes
that he will not be forced to again
pay freight on still another.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

Without waiting to see how the
thing will work up north, a lot of i'm
pulsive southerners are going ahead
with the organization of a Southern
Securities company. Perhaps they
are figuring on the absence of a Van
SAINT in the territory in which they ex-
pect to operate.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

Being very busy in other directions,
President Roosevelt will probably not
be able to find time to accommodate
the Butte Miner by calling on England
to stop it's foolishness down in South
Africa, and the war may have to go
on a little longer.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1901-12-13

j. While some of the newspapers are
still discussing the yellow peril
which they pretend to see menacing
the happiness and welfare of the coun-
try, a Chicago judge liberates a couple
of them and says the other judge who
ordered them imprisoned did not know
his business.