The Ely miner., 1901-06-07
The Grandmother Trick.
BY Charles Fleming Embree.
TRINITY THIN is the literal trans


into an habitual expression of corde;
anguish; gait swift, convulsive, ant
"a head full of schemes-such is tht
American Theophilus. His history il
"A record of wild theories worked out
to the fzzling point. Born in New
Jersey. he went to Japan to collect
species of lichen, said to be wort!
millions in the English market. He
collected carloads of it, then learned
that nobody in England or anywhere
else ever bought it. After this the
heart of Africa was gnawed at
while by Jaggers, with reference tc
some idea about ivory. They say he
took hold of an island away down in
the Antarctic regions, just this side
of the great wall of ice, in order to
grow queer native fruit like a
pumpkin down there, out of which a
priceless perfume was going to be dis.
titled. He himself tells that the
pumpkins froze, and he brings one
with him, dried, as curiosity, and
displays it with nervous pomp. He
hurtled about Mexico for few weeks,
seeking location. Then he came to
Cuernavaca with some theory about
boiling sugar out of sweet potatoes;
and there is man around the cor
ner constructing a vat for him and
smiling into it as he constructs.
At chihuahua, on his way down,
Theophilus fell into conversation with
an old American resident. cts
-wisest to keep house in this country
was the latter's advice. "Hire an In
dian cook. But they're tricky. Now,
one thing they always do when they
want holiday: They tell you their
grandmother's dead"
Jaggers smiled that awful smile Of
his. and said he'd ''fX 'em," and went
,dashing away to the train.
at Queretaro man in the seat be-
side him gave him further informa-
'tion. "Ycs, if you're going into busi-
ness, just keep house. It's easier.
Now, 1 had an old cook with one eye.
But, say, if you get cook, be little
careful. They're tricky. Now, one
favorite ruse is to tell you their
grandmother's dead when they want
to 60 Off"
"Confound their grandmothers,"
CALCULATED Jaggers, briefly.
In Cuernavaca, Jaggers wouldn't
stay at any hotel. He could not speak
Spanish, but that made no difference.
He could put his mouth up at the ear
of the addressed person and roar
hoarsely in English. ''Blast 'em,
they're stupid" ragged he. Spanish
is the blastedest language, anyhow!"
The hotelkeeper acted as interpreter,
and helped him to rent house. Then
he swung his legs over Jagger's bal
cony railing, in the afternoon sun,
and said: "Mr. Jaggers, you'll be
comfortable here. Just hire cook
and take it easy. But watch these
tricky. Now one favorite scheme"
Hold on!" said Jaggers; ''you
emean the grandmother trick?"
did you know about it?"
I'm on to that. I'd like to see 'em
work their grandmothers off on me" )"
swore Theophilus Jaggers.
Jaggers bought two chairs, a hard
bed and some pottery. Then he hired
a cook.
Trinidad Delgado (Trinity Thin)
here enters. She looked like an old
woman, but Jaggers is still puzzling
over that. Her face was keen, shrewG,
sharp like a steel tool, with fine old
ethin-lipped regal mouth, and eyes that
pierced. She was slender and bony.
Even in the stern, grand Aztec glare
of her eyes was a something half wist-
full, half humorous.
Theophilus felt uneasily that her
sub-consciousness was laughing at
him. "Can you cook!" roared he at
her ear in English.
"Si. senor," said she, not under
standing word, folding her hands.
''Well, say" thundered he, bending
nearer and distorting his anguish
ridden countenance, I'm on to your
tricks. I'm not green, do you hear,
If L gringo. Haw! haw!" This
seemed a reasonably good pun
though accidental. "Now I know the
grandmother trick. Don't you ever,'
shaking his fist, "come whining
around me about your grandmother's
being dead!"
''Si, senor," said she, with mild AMI
dignified manner, not even wondering
what he was talking about.
Jaggers, ignorant of the country
agreed to pay ten times the regular
wages; for she, through an inter
prefer, requested this sum meekly
1t thereafter supported Trinidad, 1;
children, two husbands, some very
old ladies next door, an ice cream
freezer of her eldest son, and three
.inharmonious pigs who dwelt in hel
house with the family. Besides, al
save the swine had funds wherewitI
to disport themselves on Sundays.
Jaggers trotted spasmodically
about; hitched at his trousers; lei
his brain go whirling along, schem
ing with almost audible fury; studied
Spanish, jabbing at it and cursing it;
inquired all about sweet potatoes
and got the vat under way.
After three months, during which
the vat was always going to be done
next week, there came the days Of
the fiesta at San Anton. San AntoI
is the Indian village just across tn,