Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1901-06-18
FLoTsAr1 AND RTsAM.

FLoTsAn AND JETsAM.
There are some people in this world
who appreciate newspaper. a gen
tleman was recently quoted-as saying:
ST never took a paper that did not
pay me more than did for it. One
time an old friend of mine started a
newspaper way down south and sent
it to me, and I subscribed just to en-
courage him, and after awhile it pub
lished notice that an administrator
had an order to sell lot at public
auction. So [ enquired about the lot
and told my friend to run the bidding
up to $50. He bid in the lot at S37
and I sold it in month for 500, SO /
made S63 clear by taking that paper.
Ny father told me that when he was
young man he saw notice in a pa
per that a school teacher was wanted
in a distant county and ne went there
and got the situation, and little girl
was sent to him, who, after awhile
grew up sweet and pretty and he fin
ally married her. Now, if he hadn't
taken that paper what do you reckon
would have become of me? 1 would
have been some other fellow or maybe
I wouldn't have been at all"
-
AS sample of what an old maid
can do with a pen, the following is
submitted:
''Man is a two-legged animal that
i walks on the forked end and chewS to-
bacco. Most men are born: we never
heard Of but one that was not, and he
was made of mud just for sample.
Mans life is full of disappointments,
growls and corn cob pipes. He goeth
forth like lion IN the morning and
leaves the wood for his wife to chop.
| In the evening he Sneaketh home with
| his pants ripped and raises cain about
hard times. He has the grippe on road
working days and walks twenty miles
to circus. He will chase rabbit
four miles through the snow and Dor
row horse to ride half mile to the
poStoffice. "
~
When he has his overcoat on, the
average man has nineteen pockets.
The average woman, with her cloak
on has two. a man has five pockets
in his pantaloons five or six in his
coat, four in his vest and five in his
overeoat.
***
Today, young man, as you stood on
the corner, smoking your cigar that
was paid for with money you had
other use for, did you notice that old
man passing on the other side with
hat battered, coat torn, pants fringed
and sloppy, his shoes Gaping and down
at the heel? Youdid? Well, 40 years
ago he stood just where you were
standing today, he bought cigars as
you do, smoked up and squandered his
wages as you are doing, without a
thought of tomorrow. Old age crept
on, his eyes grew dim, muscles relaxed
and his place was filed by younger
man, yet he owns several good farms
and has money in the bank.
*x*
The man who could not afford to
take his home paper has again been
heard from. By getting hold of num-
Der of sample copies of a foreign adj
vertising sheet he spent 81 by writing
how to keep sober, the answer being
to take the pledge. He also sent 80
cents to a fellow in the east for twelve
useful household articles, and received
a paper of needles. 1t was the same
person who sent fifty two-cent stamps
to find out chow to raise beets," and
received a postal card reply, "Take
hold of the tops and pull. This is a
near relative to the man who sent 81
to find out "how to make money" and
received the reply. "Get job in the
mint" He is also related to the man
who sent 81 to find out chow to write
without pen and ink, and the answer
was ''to write with pencil"
*x*
Man is queer animal. There are
lots of things he don't know, and its
always imam, poor man, with him.
He will take a mere acquaintance
out to lunch and spend five dollars on
him, yet he will go a month with
broken shoe strings rather than buy
new pair.
He is too busy to talk business with
influential men, yet he will spend a
half hour in watching dog fight or
in watching the returns of baseball
game.
He seldom owns more than one pair
of suspenders.
He hates to wrap up Soiled laundry
more than anything on earth.
When his shoes are old, he reasons
that no one looks at a mans shoes.
anyway; when he gets new pair he
is sure everybody is looking at them
He discards cuffs about the time his