Evening star., 1901-07-20
JOBSON GOES SWIMMING
Observation-Disclosures.

AR-THE-PLANK-wAL
July II, 1901.
After breakfast yesterday morning Mr.
Jobson herded Mrs. Jobson into a remote
corner Of the hotel veranda, lit q cigar and
regarded her sternly.
This. Mrs. Jobson." said Mr.. Jobson, "is
the day upon which you are going to begin
| in earnest to learn how to SWIM
Mrs. Jobson studied for a moment the ia,
figure. farther up the porch, of the woman
| who wears all Of her diamonds when she
| makes her appearance for breakfast and
shook her head a bit deprecatingly.
Il am afraid" she murmured. that
can't learn. I've been trying"
Yes. you've been trying," broke in Mr.
Jobson. with sniff. I've been bringing
SIX weeks every year for the past twenty
two years, and you can't much more than
keep yourself from drowning In eight inches
of water right now. You've never tried a
wet, or something, and whenever you find
yourself in a foot and a half or water you
begin to hand me that wounded doe look
and to think thinks about a watery grave
Il haven't the knack," said Mrs. Jobson.
Some folks are just natural swimmers.
and others"
Natural nothingr' interrupted Mr.. Job
son. There may be such thing a natu-
as natural born swimmer. Everybody 8
born with the same chance at that game.
1 guess l can about swim as well the
next man. and Mr.. JobSon knocked the
ashes off his cigar and preened himself a
bit, but had to learn how. l had to make
an effort. You can't learn how to swim If
you haven't got any more nerve and back
bone than tadpole. It's all matter of
confidence. swimming Is, and"
Yes" cut in Mrs. Jobson. that's what
they all say, but I'm not so young as used
to be. and it's hard to teach an old
That ,1,h, don't 60 put in Mr.. Jobson, not
a little bit. There are women down here
two hundred and eighteen years old. by the
looks of 'em. who paddle around out beyond
the breaker line like dolphins, and"
But" interposed Mrs. Jobson they all
learned how when they were girls"
Did, hey?" inquired Mr.. Jobson sarcasti-
cally. We'll. all of the sea bathing that
was done this countrys beaches when
they were girls could have been put in a
and learned the thing after they'd reached
an advanced age. that's all"
About an hour later Mr.. and Mrs. Jobson
walked down to the breaking point of the
once that the combers were too high for
successful floating or swimming lessons,
and so he conducted Mrs. Jobson over be-
meath one of the long piers. where the force
of the waves was somewhat broken.
Now, lemme tell you.' said Mr.. Jobson,
clutching Mrs. Jobson tightly by the hand
and leading her into about three feet OF
water, that there's no such thing as
drowning in salt water If you only keep
your head about you. You just can't go
down, that's all. All you've got to do Is to
forget that you've got any such thing as
feet and that it's absolutely necessary, as
most women believe when they're in the
water. for your feet to be resting on the
ground. Now. here. just you lie down and
I'll hold you up from underneath, And
But" spluttered Mrs. Jobson. clutching
ha
me, will you?"
Not in a million years." said Mr.. job
son, unless l see that you're capable Of
staying on the surface without my assist
ance. Now there you are" as Mrs. job
son, with an expression of extreme terror
on her face, and with many sudden clutch
ings at Mr.. Jobson. stretched herself stiffiy
on the surface Of the water while Mr.. Job
son held her up, you're all right. but re-
lax-for heavens sake. relax! You've got
yourself all drawn up into a knot, and you
increase your weight about a million fold
by holding yourself that way as stiff as a
poker. Just try TO imagine that you're
about to take nap, and
And at this point Mr.. JODsOn deftly, as he
thought, Withdrew his supporting hand
and Mrs. Jobson went down like a Cobble,
and when she reached the surface she
screamed and grabbed Mr.. Jobson around
the neck with q clutch Of mortal cespera-
tion. Mr.. Jobson at length succeeded In
disentanglng her arms from around his
her with an expression of the profoundest
disgust.
Mrs. Jobson," he ungallantly remarked
you remind me Of a country cured ham.
You won't do. Here. look hero: just
want to show you again, for the seventy
millionth time, that It's just as easy for a
human being to lie quiet on top CT salt
water it is to lie on a feather bed" and
Mr.. Jobson walked over beneath the pier
where 1t was shady, stretched himself out
on the water. placed his arms beneath his
head. gazed absent-mindedly at his toes
as they protruded above the brine. and
endeavored to look graceful.
Easy as drawing molasses.' Mr. Jobsor
had just said, when the advance guard OF
series Of big combers struck him broad
side on and slammed him with tremendous
force against one Of the piles Of the pier
He rolled over and over. daZed-for he had
| struck his head-and Mrs. Jobson shrieked
and one Of the coast guards hurried into
the water and dragged Mr.. Jobson, who
| was all but unconscious. onto the beach
where a knot Of bathers gathered round
him and grinned. Mr. Jobson came to In
about two minutes. looked up at Mrs
Jobson. who was bending anxiously ovel
him, with a fierce scowi, and sat up. Then
he got up and walked to the bath house
word until he met Mrs. Jobson to take hel
back to the hotel Then there was an all
Of great calm upon him.
Madam" he said. 'you have been ac-
quainted with me for a sufficient length OF
time to be cognizant Of the fact that am
| a patient individual. But when you delib.
erately hire low-browed assassin to
throw an iron wheelbarrow on me from
! the top of the pier when I'm In swimming
as you did this morning, We have reached
! the parting of the ways Nothing remains
to be said. Pack up! We are returning tc
Washington In an hour"
However. Mr.. and Mrs. Jobson we're seer
! in one of the grottoes last evening. en-.
| jcying their stems of beer and Swiss
| sandwiches. and the proprietor Of the hote
| at which they are stopping informs your
| correspondent that they are going to re.
main another three weeks.
The Widest of Dreams.
From the Portland Oregonian.
Sir Robert Ball. in a recent contribution