The San Francisco call., 1901-10-23
A CHANCE TO SMILE.

"Joe, you are rude-TH never put foot
in your office again.
"Oh, yes, you will; you'll come in again
late some evening when I'm just hurry
ing off to try and catch my train."-Chi-
cago Record-Herald.
Little Mickey-Oi saw Hop Pung. the
1aundryman, radin' a ChOinase book jist
now. Instid av doin' 1oike a whoite man,
shure he begins at the back an rades up
ward.
McLubberty-Begorra, Is the poor divil
Iift-haEded or cross-eyed, or phwat?-
Leslie's Weekly.
'The grind of going over examination
papers, said the principal of a downtown
school yesterday, has it's compensation
if one has a sense of humor. Some of the
answers are stupidity funny, while others
are unconsciously witty One Of the ques-
tions in the papers I went over this morn
ing was: Name some Of the causes Of
dyspepsia One boys answer was: Eat
ing green apples and drinking beer be-
tween meals Another answered: Drink
ing ice water and after dinner speaking
Isn't that delicious? A third boy said
dyspepsia was caused by going in swim
ming on an empty stomach. Another
question was: Name some OF the vital
organs of the human body One answer
was: Heart, liver, lungs and lights.
These are the eternal organs. "-Phtladel-
phia Record.
He-I see a new family has, moved in
next door.
She-Yes, they moved in to-day.
He-What sort of furniture have they?
She-I didn't notice.
He-Goodness, dearI What's the matter?
Have you been nsick?-Philadelphia Press.
''They say my cousin is a wonderful
Doctor
You bet he isl swallowed a nickel
the other day and he made me cough up
two dollars. Topeka Capital.
The smart, clean, we'll dressed boy gazed
Iongingly at the gutter urchins, with their
damp bundles of newspapers and matches.
| This activity and independence had an un-
speakable charm for him, and after a Sc
we're inward struggle he left his doorway
and sought one Of the muddy little news
agents.
| do you think" he asked. ''that
should be able to earn money as you do if
1 bought some papers and came to this
| corner to sell them%
What does the likes O. you want sellin'
papers?''
I'm tired of being idle at home"
''Wen," said the newsboy, seriously;
dyer think you can old a quire O. papers
| in one and, race like Persimmon, lick
three or four boys bigger'n yourself with
one hand, while yer keeps two more OFF
with yer feet. while yer takes a toff's
| ha'penny, an yells Football? all the
| timer"
moo. I DON'T" replied the well dressed
| little boy.
"Then yer no good in the news agency
biz said the ragged boy. you'd better
git yer people to prentice yer to some
thing easy.''-Tit Bits.
A gentleman recently met a Harvard
| graduate of last June.
| How goes it, Harry?' said he.
"Oh, things are booming" replied the
young man, cheerfully. 'I don't get any
pay yet, but I'm probably the best oiler
| of machinery in New England. Boston
| Christian Register.
1t so happened that the telephone girls
finally were organized into a labor union.
"Give me 16 double in a hurry said
the subscriber.
Pardon me-" replied the girl at central,
| "but have you q union card?'
Certainly answered the subscriber.
''In a union affiliated with the Fedora
ton of Labor?'
"Yes. yes. of course. Hurry up, can't
you?''
Dues all paid up?" persisted the girl.
Eyes"
"Well, give me the number Of your
your assertions verified I shall be glad to
make the necessary connections for you."
Chicago Post.