The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1901-07-17
IN A HUMOROUS VEIN.

IN A HUMOROUS VEIN.
Stubb-l met Harker and Bender
out at tho races. Ilarker had on his
loud green suit.
iehn-Dld Bender have on any,
thing that attracted attention ?
Stubhs-Ges ; he had ap on.
Chicago News.
suppose people around here raise
'heir own vegetables 2" "Some do
"'hers merely plant them. Puck. ,
| Vlsltor-Whal has become of old
ocraSgs, who used to trade horses all
the time ?
Nativc-Oh, Scragys ? Didn't Won
near about HIM? He's made a for
.uhe now, and is 50 blame stuck up
nc won't trade fer nothin' but autv-
mobiles any Baltimore Amerl-
can.
This potato is only half.donc, nv
dear" said he Grossly.
Then only eat half of it, my love,n
she replied, aiiectlonately. -'rit-Bits.
"I understand" said Mrs. Mala.
prop, that you've been buildings fine
Dig church in your town"
Yes" replied the visiting clergy
man, " 1t isn't very ornate, but there
Is nave in our church that
" Gracious you don't say so?
nope he didn't steal very much. -
Philadelphia Press.
" He used to be called bad lot but
now he's rich | suppose it's different"
es, the rise in real estate made n
new man OF him.'-Detroit Journal.
Johnny Gin the garden) Father
lather look out of the window.
rather Quitting out his head) What
nuisance you children are. What do
you want now?
Johnny ("ith a triumphant glance
at his plaY-fcllow) w)-Tommy Brooks
wouldn't believe you'd got no hair ON
'he top OF your head. Tit Bits.
Shc-ls your love for me real?
ie-dow can you doubt il when
am down on my knees in my best
trousers ?--Fliegendu Blaetter.
Wandering Willie-I've seen better
Weary Waggles-So we've never
done nuthin' all yer life ?-Smart Set.
weally don't know, Miss Ethel
at-whethah shall play golf and make
Il fool of myself this season or not.
dontchcrknow."
Not at all necessary for you TO
play golf, Mr.. Chumbley. ."-Dcnyer
Times.
1ie-l asked your fathers consent
to our engagement by telephone. She
w hat was his answer? Hc-Oh. he
just said 81 don't know who YOU
are, but it's all right. Fun.
" What kind OF monument do YOU
wish for your husband ?'
wen, replied the widow, 81 don't
want nuthin too eXpcnsi> e-iust some
INN solid that will hold him down.
Atlanta Constitution.
" Why on earth, Lucy" exclaimed
Mrs. Wabash to her friend, I" did Won
ever consent to marry Mr.. Filzooger?"
Why" replied Lucy, slawly and
apoloSetically, | thought he'd do to
begin with. ."-Detroit Free Press.
What a deb we owe to medical
science" he said, as he put down the
paper.
" Good heavens ~ she exclaimed,
"haven't you paid that DOCTORS bill
Yet ?'-Chlcago Post.
a little girl read ii composition be-
lore the minister. The subject was
" y Cow" She wovc in this con pli-
mcntary sentence: I" ~ COW is the
most useful animal in the world, ex-
ccpt religion. ."-Lcsllc's Weekly.
Harry is 80 aDscnt-minded. Tie
went up TO dress for party once, and
went TO bed instcadn u'm that
looks to me like IA fine case of presence
of mind"
Dunwcll-I thought when you sold
me this dog you said he was good
bird dog?
Ike Clodhopper-Ilc is you jes' try
!ccdin' him on fried chicken an see.
Ohio Stste Journal.
" Can bring you up some luncheon,
sir ?" What Luncheon already.
why, il doesn't seem more than fifteen
minutes since breakfast came up -
Life.
JaggCrs So he married the widow
| thought he had his eye on the drugh-
ter?
waggles-So he had. But the widow
had her eye on him.-Tit-Blt
Hc-Thcy can photograph the voice
now.
Shc--tioo1ncss hope I'll never
live To see n picture of the thiI gs you
say when your collar buttolt drops
down your back.
81 DO you think riches bring haopi-
ae@s 2" asked one philosopher.
No." answered the other. g" But
the lack Of them often prevents it,"
Washington Star.
b" Rcynolds,' said the older member
Of the firm, how DO you spell
| which p "
which," responded the other.
That's what | thought rcjoined
the older member, covertly scratching