Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-03-30
- Humorous Items. -


New Cook (who has just been scoldedD
~ must cal your attention to the facI
that | am writing my autobiography, and
everything you have said to me will soon
appear in print. '-Fliegende Blaetter.
Gobbled the Cash.-Reporter-'I am
told that your trusted cashier has left
the bank?' Bank President-"Did he?
Thank heavens, we have the building to
start with again!'-Ohio State Journal
Magistrate--"Will you take the conse-
quences of pleading guilty."
Ephraim Chalkeye-" Deed ledge,
won't take muffin eff yo' lets me off 70
Steatn' dem two pullets. Ohio Stt,e
Journal.
Beneath His Dignity.-"Joe Jefferson
doesn't resort to any such advertising
dodge as having his diamonds stolen :"
NO. He's afraid the papers might re-
fer to it as Jeffersonian simplicity =
Lesles Weekly.
Bobbie-"Pop, are we among the best
people?"
Papa-"We are, Bobbie"
Bobbie latter a thoughtful silence1-
Pop, is the best always the cheapest?"
-Leslie's Weekly.
Butcher-"Come, John. be lively now.
Break the bone in Mr.. Wilhamson's
chops, and put Mr.. Smiths ribs in the
basket for him."
John (briskly)-"All right. sir: Just as
SSoon, as I've carved off Mr. Murphy's
leg"'-Tt-Bits.
Mr.. Courtenay (fatteringly)-'T had
the blues awfully when l came here to-
night, Miss. Fisher, but they are all gone
now: You have as good as medicine"
Miss Fishers Little Brother-''Yes.
father says she will be a drug in the
market if she doesn't marry you."-Tit-
Bits.
Ethel Mamma told me / could stay
IN the parlor, last night while Mr.. Hug
gard was calling on sister Bess"
Elsie-"Did she?"
Ethel-"Yes. and it was great fun.
We played blind mans buff and they
let me be the blind man nearly all the
me."-Philadelphia Press.
Tommy had been boasting about his
new brother.
How old is he, Tom?" asked the po-
Hceman.
Two weeks said Tom.
Hes very small, isn't hep"
Yes" said Tom, hes pretty small
That IS, all except his voice. "-Tit-Bits.
"Gazzam has been going without his
breakfast for a month to reduce his
flesh" said Twynn.
With what effect?" asked Tripplett.
lie is losing two pounds a week, and
Is very much tickled over it."
Wen. If he keeps ON at that rate he'll
6e tickled to death.'-Detroit Free
Press.
Chureh-"Have you cozy corner in
your house?"
Gotham-"Oh. yes; my wife has ar
ranged two of them.
You must enjoy them after hard
days work.
Enjoy nothing! The cat has one, and
my Wife's dog occupies the other! on
kers Statesman.
-, The Youths Companion reports a fine
Illustration of the text, Out of the
mouths of babes and Stockings" etc.
Dld your playmate enjoy her yisit?
SAD mamma to her small daughter, who
ma i.a,, Just hidden adieu to her little friend
why, YES, mamma. | think she did"
replied the child. II called her my dear
very often. in that dressy tone you use
"Heh You have company
Jacks father and mother were having
very heated discussion at the table one
Gay They entirely forgot him, and as
argument waXed fercer, he looked
ON one to the other with real concern
G4u ms chubby face. Presently, during
III ni, ne cleared the air by asking, point
Papa, did you marry mamma. or did
mamma marry you?"-Brooklyn Life.
~. never thought he would propose to
He didn't"
Then how did she get him?'
Wen. he was slightly inebriafed and
SIe mlsconstrued his remarks He asked
arr 10 tarry with him az the pu-.ch bowl
VA she thought he asked her to marry
nm At any rate she accepted him. and
t II, too gallant TO dispute her version OF
me AFFAIR. San Francisco Town Talk.
RubeT' Ai"0" VIC ''''
Nu6e--"How de do. Hank? Can't
ghplaln. Haow's everything with
~ How's yer family -
Llahk-" Fust rate. Anything I ken
1I a.Gts-'Y Yes, guess yer kin Sa-ay,
Hank-"WeA?"
nq9t-"l KEN around tew see Of yew
'u.Gh loan mother Yer ladder Our
mouse is on fre."-Judge.