The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-06-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Teacher-And why should we en-
deavor to rise by our own efforts2
Johnnie Wise-'Cause there's no fellin'
when the alarum clock viii go wrong
Tit-Bits-
Whats witty?' asked Randolph. can
Irishman in book. said O'Houlihan.-
Judge.
She was a sweet young thing, and
they had exchanged the ballroom for the
conservatory. As his arm stole about her
mOusseline de sole waist she murmured:
Am L the first girl you ever hugged?' %
He was newspaper man, and there
fore he could not tell a lie, SO he replied:
No, sweetness; you are the third edi-
ton have put to press tonight. "-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Manager am sorry that you wish
to resign. What is the trouble?
Start is too much of a strain on me
to try to live up to the salary your press
agent says get.-Baltimore American.
What lovely brown biscuits she
makes"
yes; in colorature cooking she is
quite unexceued.' Puck.
Have you finished your bool2''
Looking for publisher2''
mo, I'm looking for an advertiser
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mother-Johnnie, what are you doing
in that preserve closet?
Johnnie with his mouth full)-Nothin',
NAV.
Mother-very well. leave it in the jar
when you are through.-Judge.
Have you noticed the tender place on
the new express train postage stamp?''
NO; where is it2''
<sJust back of the locomotive. "-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
Phrenologist-My friend, I find you
have a most remarkable memory
Mr.. Observation-Disclosures, wud yez
moind putin thot down an a ship av
paper SOS OF won't forgit it -Tit-Bits
A Georgia exchange is responsible for
this fish story: "A gentleman near Du-
range owns a bird dog which is espe-
cially good at fetching things out of the
water. In order to show a. friend what
the dog could do, he threw a 50-cent
piece into the water and told the dog to
fetch it. The dog dived and brought
back two-pound catfish and 35 cents
in change"
Never cry over split milk; the chances
are the milk is sufficiently watered.-
Montreal Star.
Whom do you consider the greatest
of all Doets?" asked the literary young
woman.
Shakespeare. . answered Mr.. Cumrox,
he made a lot OF money. Washington
Star.
Mamma, is heaven like a circus?"
why, of course not, Bobbie!" We'll,
have always been afraid should be dis
appointed in it.'-Life.
Molly-"dy little sisters got measles"
Jimmie-"Oh! So has mine.'' Molly
well, I''lI bet you my little sisters got
more measles than yours has-''-Tit-
Bits
Progress-'sHow is you pergressin' in
yoh Shakspere Club2" asked Mr.. Eras-
tus Pinkley. Beautiful" answered Miss
Miami Brown. Il sholy is gettin' dis
white folks dialect down fine. wash
ington News
Keen servation.-Pearl-'T don't
believe the Van de Courtneys keep any
servants Ruby-"Why do YOU think
SOP" Pearl-..Because you never see
any broken bric-a-brac in their ash
box. Chicago News
Sterling Qualities-Gotrox-"T dis
charged my last butler because he got
drunk New Butler-''Well, you'll never
ave to discharge me hon that h account
sir HI could drink hall day hand then
walk crack!'-Puck-
Mean.-Tess-"W When I met May to-
day had my new gown on Naturally,
F! expected her to say something about
it. but she pretended not to notice it,
Jess-'.Yes she's an awfully tender
hearted girl. philadelphia Press
The Place for Him-'sShure, Mrs
MGoogin, an is it thrue that yer mons
got a position in the place foorce ?''
.sYis, indade, Mrs O'Hoolihan. An phwy
not? He was after gittin' too fat t
worruk ''-Philadelphia Evening Bulle
tin.
Tom-Does your father know that
Alice-You don't suppose I've told
him your failing, do you?-Judge.
Eminence--"she married poet,
didn't she? And is he successful ~
"Oh, yes; remarkably so. Why, his
name is a household word on two con-
tinents, and last year his income was
nearly three hundred dollars. Life.
Mrs. Swainson-'sHow came you to
recommend that girl you had to Mrs.
Gregson? You know you said you pos
Yes, but don't hate her as much as
I do Mrs. Gregson. GLASGOW Evening
Times.
A Starter.-'eWhy on earth, Lucy"
exclaimed Mrs. Wabash to her friend,
did you ever consent to marry Mr.
Fitzgoober?'' Why replied Lucy
slowly and apologetically, II thought
he'd do to begin with. Detroit Free
Press.
This is novel obituary from a Bnlville
like as not
Major Scott
Now has gained
A heavenly lot;
For his eye
On heaven was sot."