The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1901-10-04
SARCASTIC UNCLE SAM.
A Study on Free Traders and the Ding
ley Act.


ley Act.
I found Uncle Sam in a variety OF
moods this week. He had been read
ing lot of clippings from the Free
Trade papers.
81 don't know whether to laugh or
get mad" he said, as he rather angrlly
threw the stuff one side. Il don't
suppose it Dies much harm, but | dc
get provoked sometimes at the Free
Trade Trust and its organs. don't
like to believe these folks are dishon-
est and malicious, and they can't be
ignorant. | wonder if they really
want to get me into trouble just as
am enjoying the best and most pros
percus years of my existence. 1t does
seem as if there were always few
folks who must eternally be stirring
I'D things. It's always been the way
from the Nulliliers to the Ants. NO
one knows what the Almighty made
snakes and potato bugs and mos
uuitoes for l suppose it's so the mill
ennium wouldn't come too soon. Those
Free-TraGers really ought to have
corner of the earth to themselves,
where they could be in hot water all
the time. They evidently have nc
fear OF the hereafter; il would be so
in keeping with the temperature they
like here. | would like to spend
few years in peace There will be nc
need of general tariff changes fct
years. The Dingley law is working
like a book, and l don't want business
disturbed for ten years at least
rather guess it won't be, either, II
Bryan has his way. Why, he is the
best friend we got, when you think 1t
all over. If he only keeps the Free
Traders from coming into power he
ought to have a monument as high as
Washington's That man is preserv-
ing the country, if you only look at it
that way"
You seem rather sarcastic, Uncle
Sam" | observed.
That fellow Bryan is a rank Free
Trader He wanted the job of being
nv manager. l don't blame him for
that. It's a worthy ambition for any
man. But Bryan didn't go about it
right. He knew he couldn't be elected
on a Free Trade issue, so he hollers for
Free Silver. That didn't work, and he
then hollers anti-imperialism, what
ever that is And that didn't work.
Now the Democrats have found out
their mistake and want to shelve him,
and he threatens to break up the
show. I'd make a pretty emperor
wouldn't l? Gosh. imagine me walk
ing around with a crown upon my
forehead. Mo- I'll stick to the old
tile. But these Free-Traders remem-
Der that the only issue they've won on
in forty years is the tariff. and they
think they can work the stun over in
new form and dish it up. But the peo-
nile got 40 nauseated with it the last
time they ate it that they don't want
to even taste it now. II the truth
were known, the cooks themselves
don't want to eat their own broth.
don't blame 'em either. It's pretty
thin stun for these times"
What do you attribute as their mo-
tive or reason?" asked.
mo motive. no reason; pure cussed-
ness. It's been in the race since the
garden Of Eden, and l guess we'll al
ways have the varmints with us
Some of 'em good men, too. Fact is.
they're too good for this earth; can
almost see wings sprouting on some OF
EN-" and the old man walked away
with a half concealed look Of con
tempt on his usually good natured
face. F. c.