The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1901-05-24

NE SaDe DAT an say him jag,
BE vera out of sight.
Him soldar senorita Xix,
Me amo mucha good,
Me spik to her, she kissa him,
An say me block of wood.
Me love him girl, no Xix soldar,
Ne spik him dat one day.
Den him go loco mad. an dam
Him vera mucha say.
Him soaka me in nose an spik:
You git pronto gait,
Upon yourself or by the guns,
IL! crack yer blasted slate!'
Me mucha buena hOmbre. 81,
Tak POGO Engleesh way,
Me sabe soldar him get mad
Ne vamoose right away.
Denver Times.
A. Hilborn OF Liverpool, England, in
speaking to New York Tribune Report
or at the Waldorf Astoria of the "Ould''
country said: In former times there
used to be a certain Duke of Richmond,
then lord lieutenant of Ireland, who be-
longed to the hail-fellow well-met species.
With his boon companions 1t was his al
most daily habit to 60 to a certain fash
ionable inn at Bray, kept by one Michael
sumed during his incumbency of the lord
Eeutenancy, and many and wild were the
nights that the little inn at Bray wit
messed. Connolly had reputation as be-
ing the best cook in Ireland, and it was
said his wine was the best to be found
within the confines of the Emerald Isle.
The Duke Of Richmond said 50, and he
ought to have known, as he had eaten
tons Of the one and imbibed tuns of the
other. COnnolly's cooking and Connolly
wine were popular themes of conversa-
ton with his lordship, and he was not
niggardly in his praise either. Wine is
great leveller of ranks, and so it fell out
one night that the duke, carried away by
his admiration for Connolly's talents in
kitchen and taprOOm, committed an eyre
gious, amusing mistake. The night in
question had been an even more than
usually wet one at the inn at Bray, and
the duke, the innkeeper himself, and all
or the dukes companions, were lost to all
sense of either proportion or the eternal
fitness Of things.
''Thercfore,'' continued Mr. Hiiborn,
mo one thought it strange when the
duke sent for mine host, and, after a
short speech OF praise Of his viands, the
especially of his wine cellar, babe him
shoulders, he said: Rise, Sir Michael
Connolly" and Sir Michael rose midst
the rapturons applause OF those present.
1t seemed quite the proper caper then.
but the next morning, as it came back to
still further jar the aching head Of the
duke. IT bore somewhat different as
pect,. and the principal question that agi
tated the ducal mind was how he was to
moned and, in the faint hope that the
ceremony had made no impression, asked
If he remembered aught that happened
the night previous. Sir Michael did. and
manifested a disQnieting determination
to hang on to his neWIy-acquired title.
But, as have lesser and greater men be-
fore and since. he fell willing victim to
bribery, and finally agreed not to press
his claim to knighthood. The price was
heavy. but not too high to pay for the
suppression Of a tale that would make
his grace of Richmond the laughing stock
of London, and so the duke Was Turning
satisfied with his mornings work when
the late Sir Michael dashed his self-con-
CALCULATIONS to the four winds.
Yis, your grace, I'll keep quiet he
SAID: as ne jingled the price Of hi; title
will take more than the likes Of me to
keep my wife: Lady Michael Connolly,
quiet about the matter And it did
Michael was right. She was Lady
Michael to her friends from that day on,
end always laid claim to the title. The
duke was the laughing stock of London,
as he had feared. hut reformed man as
well, for he dared take no further risks"
An amusing episode occurred at a po-
litical meeting at LavendOn during the
general election. After hearing the
speeches of the candidate and mis- sup
porters. an aged Conservative from
Nolverton mounted the platform and
caused some mystery by dramatically
holding aloft a walnut, when he pro
cecded to say:
This is a political walnut. The roug!
shell represents the Radicals: the next.
the thin. bitter skin. is the Liberals. and
the kernel represents the good Conserva-
tive"
\ man in the audience cried out. Now
crack it,.
The Wolverton Tory did so. when. 10
and behold. the kernel was rotten! The
admixture of laughter and chagrn that
followed may be imagncd.-Spare Mo-
mentS.
An old couple who had passed their
lives in the quiet of a Derbyshire vii
lage, says The Youths Companion. re-
solved to make journey to London. The
resolution was communicated to their
ne!ghbors, who gave them long instruc-
tons as to the best methods of taking
care Of themselves and avoiding CITY
sharpers.
The villagers gathered at the station
20 see the departure and all went we'll I'M
Ill the train reached Bedford. There the
old man: III an evil moment. allowed him.
self to leave the compartment. with the
result that the train Went off without
him.
Fortunately an express was due in a
few minutes. and the station master, tax
ing pity on the old countryman's distress,
permitted him to board it. so that he
was enabled to reach London fully twen-
" minutes before the arrival of his wife.
He was waiting eagerly at the station
when the train came in. and, seeing his
wife, he rushed joyously up. crying out:
Hi. Betty, I'm glad to see you AEGEAN!
thought we wor parted forever.'
The old woman looked at him susp-
cously. and, remembering ali the advice
that had been showered upon her, said
Indignantly:
Away wi ye, man. Don't be comm
yer LuDnon tricks wi me. 1 left me
ovid man at t'other station. Be off at
once. or IN call a bobby and haze yer
locked up!''
How far is it to the next town."
Amt formed no opinion
do you think it is going to rain?'
Got no opinion, stranger
where's the best hotel here?"
No opinion on that, sir