The National tribune., 1901-12-12
THE OFFICIAL FAIrH-HEALER.

/
mary, and can be obliterated by just say
ing so. are cast into dim obscurity by the
performances of the Commissioner of
| Pensions.
As n rule they require, in all serious
cases. that the patient be brought to them,
where they can lay their hands upon him,
infuse him with their odic currents, and
eXhale upon him their beneficent ether. 1t
is true that a few of them claim that in
minor cases they can give absent treat
ment," by having the invalid's photograph,
garments worn by him. and other things
personally associated with him.
But all these are the merest tyros com
pared to the Commissioner of Pensions.
lie can by merely comparing claimants
application with the pension appropria-
tion, restore him TO exuberant health.
when he will be capable of doing as big
a days work as he ever did. At the
touch of the official pen, the claimants
three score and over of years drop from
him like Autumn leaves from a tree; lis
rheumatism vanishes like last nigh 5
dream; his diSordered heart resumes its
normal action; his shrunkcn muscles
round out; his stiffened limbs become at
once 1.-the and active; ugly gaps torn by
shot and shell close up into firm, healthy
with youthful force.
Last year. according to Mr.. Evans's re-
port, he performed this astonishing mira
Gle in more than 100000 caseS-an aver
age of more than 1900 a week. 1t is true
that he does not advertise himself as Il
'Faith-Healer.' after the Eddy-Schlatter
style. He merely says that the medical
examinations in those cases were
''non-productive." He out-advertised
his competitors in another way.
Not even Mrs. Eddy has fur
nished the newspapers during the year
with one column where he has given out
%. He itches for sounding his own trum-
pet as to his phenomenal integrity, cute
ness, and courage in encountering a myth
ical terror known as "a pension shark"
He copies the methods of the patent-med-
icine man who works scares about ma
laria," debility" 'the liver" failing
hair" "a slight cold" or whatever else
his nostrum may be intended TO cure. Old
OdNOu IONhStIu, VI SdlSd i'tl INA IdiHt
never worked the malaria and impOveri-
ished blood" fake through the newspapers
with the cunning assidutity of the Pen
sion Commissioner in exploiting the pen
sion shark fake upon the credulous pub
lie.
Mr.. Evans has appointed as members
of the Boards of Pension Examiners, all
over the country, physicians of standing
and repute in their respective cOmmuni
ties. Probably most of these were chosen
on the recommendation of the Executive
Committees, but it is certain that every
one of them has received a regular medi-
cal education, has been licensed to prac-
tice, and has gained some position in
his profession by the success with
which he treated his neighbors. The
claimant is ordered before them for
examination. They see him in his age
and decrepitude. They look into his dim
eyes, stethoscope his feeble, irregular
heart, scan his shrunken, stiffened limbs,
explore the ragged scars made by the
missiles of the enemy, probably hear the
testimony of his family physician as to
the struggle he is having to keep the
lamp of life burning. They know he is
past 60 years of age, when all the disa-
bilities of the body become cruelty tyran-
nous. They formally report to the Pen
sion Bureau what their own eyes have
seen, what their own ears have heard,
what their own fingers have felt, what
tainly be the case.
But when their report reaches Mr..
Evans he says calmly:
NO; you are all absolutely mistaken.
| know better than you. You either don't
know your profession, or you are in a ring
of pension sharks to rob the Treasury.
Not one Of you is one-hundredth part as
smart and as honest as / am. That man
is really strong, vigorous, and in the best
of health. He has no claim whatever for
a pension"
Then he takes up pages in his report
the Examiners, and extoIling his
own superior knowledge.
OF course, Mr.. Evans knows much less
about medicine, even, than he does about
law, Of which he knows nothing. He has
nobody about him whose medical knowl-
edge has hitherto attracted the slightest
But very few of the men in the
Medical Referee Division have ever even
practiced medicine for brief period. 1t
is certain that the average of their pro-
fessional attainments is very much below
the average of the men who constitute the
local Examining Boards
Yet Mr.. Evans as arrogantly lectures
upon medicine, physiology, pathology, etc,
as be does upon law. Absolutely destitute
of any knowledge Of pathology, he con-
tennis the knowledge of those men who
have made it the study of their lives; Just
as he constantly flies in the face of the
commonest principles of law.
But what can Mrs. Eddy or Divine
Healer Schlatter produce to compare with
the performance Of Mr.. Evans last year,
in pronouncing over 100000 men who
were over so years of age, who had served
an average Of two years in the most ter
rible war in the worlds history, so young,
strong, vigorous, and capable of manual
labor, that they were not entitled to the
meager stipend of 81 a week?
SOME papers are taking about an
island for Anarchists. Such an island