davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26

On good authority soldiers like best to
he otcercd by gentlemen, but they have
their choice of the type. OF the right
kind was Cen Crawford of the Light di-
vision.
An incident in his career during one of
the Wellington wars shows him to nave
been rich in that justice. which com.
mandS respect from equals and loyalty
from interiors; in word he kept dis
cipline without regard to rank.
Ills division was crossing ford on one
Of the Spanish marches and an officer,
t. keep his breechcs dry. rode through ON
q, soldiers back. Crawford observed the
thing, with disgust and in minute was
spashing through the water after them
both.
Put him down, sirY' he shouted. put
him down. | desire YOU to put that ON
Ger down instantly"
The soldier dropped him and went on.
Return back, sr," Crawford said to
The officer, land go through the water
like the others. | will not allow my
officers, to ride upon the mems backs
through the rivers; all must take their
share alike here. youths Companion.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26

Most of the bread consumed by the labor
ing classes contains ID per cent. to 20
per cent. of cornmeal.
In the census of 1910 Tench Coke
mentions a nailery in Indian territory
which produced in thar year 10000
pounds of nails, valued at $4,000. He did
not locate this enterprise.
Hereafter the University of Heidel-
berg will admit to its medical classes only
those foreign students who have had pre-
liminary training equal to that of the
German preparatory schools.
The output for the Cripple Creek dis
trict for the month of September totals
up to S5O.400 tons of ore shipped with
gross value of 81, 144, 800. The record is
slightly below that of August, although
there is no material decrease.
Wine grapes are selling at a higher
price in Santa Clara county, CAL, than
at any time during the past twenty
years. Several contracts were closed on
Saturday at $50 ton, and growers pre-
diet the limit has not yet been reached
South Dakota rancherS have learned
that the Russian thistle can be made to
play an important part in helping them
out on winter fodder for their stock. If
cut green and stacked the thistles turn
black, but when cattle are turned into
a lot with stacks of both thistles and
hay, they take the thistles in preference
to the hay. Horses do not seem to care
for them
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
WOMEN REPLACED MEN.
Barber Who Had Shop in Cf1lce Buiid-
ing Left without Patrons.

A barber who had shop in one of the
big office buildings of Chicago sold his
chairs and other fixtures a few days ago
and went out of business. His tale of
woe is thus unfolded in the Record
Herald:
Hello, Chris" said one of his regular
customers as the barber was going down
in the elevator. Il see you've quit.
What's up? Have you got rich enough
TO retire, or have you something better in
view?"
No" the barber answered, II ain'd
rich already and | don'd get sumding else
in view yet. l vas like Adam"
Like Adam? Adam who?'
'Yust Adam, that old Teller you know
which we all have for our Grandmother.
| blame it on the woman like Adam"
OH There's woman in the case. is
there?'
"A whole lot of dem. When l come in
this building nearly Everybody here was
men and boys yet. The mems they get
shafed and hairs cui and the boys they
get hairs cut and rAay be sometimes al
ready shafe, too. But now nearly all
the mems and boys going to work some
where else or hunting job and womans
all in these offices. They getting no shafe
and no hairs cut. / guess | so on farm
alreadyf
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
RESPOND TO PHONE CALLS.
n odern Facilities Aid ST. Bernard
Dogs in the Alps.

John w. Gates tells story about a
friend of his who went into the Alps
last summer in an effort to escape from
AL the modern improvements" of life
My friend began the ascent to the
hOspice of st. Bernard" said Mr.. Gates.
When about an hours climb from the
pass he was stopped by dense fog. He
waited gleefully, expecting to be rescued
by the dogs, and so be able to come
back to US with thrilling story. The
dogs did not come however, and the
fog partly lifted. So he resumed his
climb, and finally arrived at the hos
pice, where he was welcomed warmly
by the brothers. His first question was:
Why did you net send the dogs out
in so dangerous a fogY
He nearly dropped from his chair
when one of the brothers said:
You did not telephone usT
Telephone your he calculated.
Yes, was the answer. You see
shelters have been built all along the
climb. and each shelter has been provid-
ed with a telephone. If a fog comes up
all one has to do is to go to the near
est shelter and telephone. We immedi-
ately send a man and dog to that shell
ter The dog carries bread, cheese and
wine. As we know at just what shell
ter the climber is no time is lost in look
ing for him.
Mr.. Gates says his friend was so dis
gusted with having his romantic notions
knocked il the head that he left Swift
erland at once.-New York Times.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
No Place TO Get Religion.

Speaking OF the emotional tendencies
of the negro i'll religious affairs. Mr..
Washington tells of an old colored wom-
an who went 10 an Episcopal church.
She went up to the gallery and prepared
to enjoy the services. She grew steadily
more and more excited and more noisy,
carrying on at a great rate, and attract
ing general attention. The sexton went
up to demonstrate.
What's the matter, my good woman!''
he began.
"Oh, | am so happy" she said. way
ing her hands. de Lord mas come: His
glory is, all about heah. is got religion
at last"
Every good. sister" said the sexton.
in very modifying tone. but don t
make so much noise. This is no place
to get religion. Boston Herald.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
Oar Biggest Gun.

Some spectacular particulars are given
OF the United States gun. which viii nre-
serve Amreica'S inalenabe right to pos
Sess the biggest thing on EARTH II will
weigh 126 tons, will have length Of 40
feet 3 inches, and diameter-fne bv de-
gresss and beautifully less-varying from
80 inches to y inches. 1t will be able
extreme distance of nearly twentv-one
miles-20.0TS miles is the exact figure
and a projeetile fred at the elevation re-
CURED for this distance viii attain =
height of 3o.516 feet, higher" saws the
picturesque RECORDER. than the combined
elevations of Pixies peak and Mount
Blanc" Thus the record distance fi~ad
by a krupp % inch gun on April go,
1892, when twelve and a half miles were
covered and a height of 81. 1856 feet was
attained. viii be completely surpassed
London Post.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
BRAVERY REWARDED.
Scotchmnn Gets Bottle of "sham pcen,'
Changed to "Whisley,';

Changed to "Whiskey,"
When Sir Evelyn Wood had his famous
lrregulars out once after the hostile ma
tiyes of Cape Colony he found himself in
curious fix, says London NJ. A. L. He
was on one side of a ravine with his small
foHce; the enemy occupied the other side
IN thousands, keeping well in bush-coyer.
10 go straight across at them might
mean another Isandula, and Sir Evelyn
was too cute to be caught in a trap Of
that sort.
Sir Evelyn pondered the position for a
Tune, and then called for one of the best
Dushmen among the Irregulars. The
Scotchman, who related the incident. was
selected, and the general asked him if
ne could c0ntrive TO draw the enemy
from cover The end was that the hardy
irregular rode away round out of sight
under a <loof and came on up the rayine
as If he were not aware Of the presence
of either party. Dism0unting. he start
ed to make fire. as if about to camp
soon the Iulus came rushing down the
slopes after him in great masses, and the
next moment shrapnel shells from Wood 5
camp were playing among them. A large
number were killed and the rest cleared
Off for good, much alarmed by the sharp
lesson.
Il galloped back under the Shells" said
the Scotehman, in recalling the incident,
"and when | got in the general came up
and shook hands wi me. He ged me a
bottle O. shampeen, too, an fWhat was
better, he changed it, when | askit him,
for n bottle of whuSkeyI"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
The Squire HumbIed.


1t happened at one of the Baltimore
police, stations. The prisoner, a long
haired hobo son of Erin, lunged against
at him over his spectacies.
:. What's his nameT' he inquired of the
lieutenant.
Michael OHara. Squire, Charged
with being drunk on the street"
HIN! Foreign born" unused the JUS
tice. "Sprechen size En@GSa6cn
O'IIara?"
The prisoner Strengthened mp in his
SolelesS shoes, and. with the dignity OF
generations of kings. said:
"SQuoir its an American citizen am
from me birth, being born in Oireland. /
judge. an not by Il foreign dago with
a spaac.he that Christian can't under
oh, you're Irish. thought your
name had a German accent" said the
squire more humhly. Case dismissed.
lieutenant ."-Baltmor Herald.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
TAILOR THERE ON BUSINESS.
But Phil May Tried to Make Him
Feel ut Home at a Soiree.

Not so very long ago Mr.. and Mrs.
Pmi May were entertaining large
party Of friends, distinguished in the
worlds of literature art and fashion,
and during the evening there called a
visitor Who made a very difiident entry.
says London NJ. A. L. The great carl
caturiSt was standing near the head of
the stairs talking to Lord Mountmorres
and Lady Edith Franklin, when his man
intimated that MIR. Brown had called.
SHOW him in" said Mr.. May.
He won't come. sir; he's not in even
ing dress, and he's standing in the
lobby replied the servant.
Mr.. May, who often cannot fix the
identity of people he knows pretty well,
showed no CLEAN of recognition on the
mention Of Mr.. Browns name, but in
his usual kind way he went to the top of
the staircase and ushered in the reluct.
ant visitor, who vainly endeavored to eX-
cuse himself. Addressing two or three
distinguished friends who were standing
near, Mr.. May determined TO place the
new arrival at his ease. and in the
heartiest way said:
Let me introduce my old friend, Mr..
Brown"
The introduction had been made when
Mrs. May hurried to her husbands side
and, almost convulsed with laughter ana
embarrassment, whispered: why. Phil.
that man is your tailor: he has called
about your riding breeches, and the
hin"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
PITFALLS IN PRONUNCIATION.
Frenchman's Effort to Get Acduaiut-
ed with English Language,

Frenchman's Effort to Get Acduaint-
ed with English LanGuaSc.
A Frenchman, thirsting for linguistic
superiority, recently began a course Of
English lessons with a teacher of Ian
guagcs. After toiling conscentiously
through a good many exercises. the fol-
lowing diaiogne between the pupil and
his master was Oyerheard:
Il find the English very difficult"
complained the Frenchman. How do
you pronounce t-o-u-g-h?'
1T is pronounced fluff. "
''Eh, bien, 'tuff; - snuff, then, is spelt
s-n-o-u-g-h, is il not %
"Oh, no; SNUFF is spelt snuff.
AS matter of fact, words end
ing in o-u-g-h are somewhat irregular"
Il see. Tough is 'tuff,' and c-o-u-g-h
is cuff. | have a very bad cuff "
No, it is 'coG,' not cuff
Very well; cuff. tuff and coff. And
dough is duff chg
No not duff ''
"'Doff, then?'
''No; doh =
Mon dieu! Well, then what ,bout
h-O-u-g-h?"
That is pronounced 'hock.'"
Hook" Then | suppose the thing
the farmer uses, the p-l-o-u.g-h, is puff
or is it 'phlock, or 'plo?' ."
NO, no; it is pronounced 'plow.'"
Il shall soon master English. I'm sure.
Here we go. 'Plow.' 'coff. cuff hook
and now here is another-r-o-u-g-h that
is row. | suppose"
Oh, no, my friend; that's ruff
And h-ou-g-h is 'buff?''
No that happens to be bow"
Yes, and | have just e-n-o-u-g-h of it;
that's 'enou,' is it not?'
mo; enuff'
''Au revoir. Sunshine
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
Anxious TO Oblige.

Would you be kind enough to return
my photograph" She wrote. Il gave II
to You IN moment of girlish folly. and
! have since had occasion to regret that
was SO th0ughtless in such matters, =
OF course, she pictured that photograph
framed and hung up in his room. and
was inclined to think that he would part
with il with deep regret. just why she
wanted it returned is immaterial
or course. he had offended her in some
way. but 1t Is unnecessary 10 inquire how.
The reply to her note came the following
day.
Il regret" il read. "tnat | am unable
at this late day TO pick out your photo
graph. However. | send YOU my entire
collection, numbering a little over COO.
and would request that YOU return all
except your own by express messenger
at my expense Tit Bits.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
Willy Julius Caesar.

Julius" said Mrs. Caesar TO her ilIus.
triouS husband at breakfast. where
were You last nght?"
mass meeting of the Trihunes." rpsnon6,
ed Julius unbluShingly
"indced!' she rtorted. Wei. I sps.
peet you were drinking"
Would | were like Caesars wife" he
sighed
And how is that pray?" she asked.
for Mrs. Caesar was not a close reader
of history.
Above suspicion. my love-. responded
the willy julius with a courtlv ana com
plimentary hOw.-Judge.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
A Suub in China.

A Salutation of respect IN China. 81, :
Mr.. Barrett, * to comment on the ma
'ufE ana even venerable appearance of
ones guest. When the minister ~ Siam
called officially on Ii HUNG Chang he
was accompanied 10y prominent mis-.
slonary, a man 50 wears of age. with
white hair and beard. who was 10 serve
rs interpreter. Unknown to MIR Bor-
lett, the missionary and the CninamoD
had mad Il falling out some years be-
fore. II came into the reception room
Saluted MIR. Barret; cordially. and bowed
Stitiiy 10 the patriarchal interpreter. To
the youthful minister the premier said.
| congratulate YOU. sir. on your ven
cradle micn. and then. noddins toward
the octogenarian. he asked: And is nix
your son Philadelphia Posi-
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
NO USE TO BURN SULPHUR.
Kerosene Should be Used Instead to
Protect Us from Yellow Fever.

ITotGct Us from Yellow Fever.
Thanks to DIR. Harvard and DR.. Dotv
and some other eminent scientists. we
know great deal more about the habits
ana objects in life of the mosquito than
we used to; not that this knowledge
makes the bite of this interesting insect
any less painful or adus to the delights
or living in New Jersey, but exact sci.
Gntlhc information Is always priceless.
but what crimes the mosquito is re-
sp0nslDle for! Who f0rgets the time
when he received letters from the South.
letters rocking with the fumes of sui
phur, which he was told was necessary
TO prevent the contagion of yellow fever?
W no cannot recall the shotgun auaran-
tines, the wholesale destruction of prop
erty, the isolation, which were eonsid-
cred imperative II a yellow fever epi-
demlc was to be stamped out?
ANA now science discovers that instead
OF sulphur we ought to have used kero-
sene. instead of destroying clothing we
ought to have exterminated the mosqu-
to, that few gallons of oil are more eff
hcacious than shotguns. For the baeil-
luS of yellow fever, we learn. does not
exist, but to the mosquito hitherto re-
garded as annoying but harmless, we are
indebted for the spread of yellow fever
and malaria. Wonderful are the victo-
rles of science but not less wonderful the
ingralned conservatism of the world
which makes it cling to an idea.
Tons of sulphur have been burned be-
cause it was ill-smelling, and was be-
lleved to have some preventive proper
ties; and yet for all the good it did it
might as well have been cast into the
sea or loaded into the guns of the quar-
antine guards.-Harpers Weekly.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
GOOD WORDS FOR NEW BREAD.
Fresh Loaves Not so Injurious as is
Generally Supposed.

A writer in the London Lancet dis
putes the commonly received opinion re-
garding the righteousness of new bread.
He says stale bread, when broken be-
tween the teeth. resolves itself into gritty
particles. which, if they were not soft
ened with saliva. would be next to inn
possible to swallow, consequently man
thoroughly maSticates stale bread and in
doing so lmpregnates II with saliva
which partially digests and adapts ii ID
the absorptiye action further on in the
alimentary tract.
But new bread. being soft and plastic.
is more apt to be swallowed without
maSticatiOn, or. in other words bolted.
1t is in this fact, he thinks. that the
injury exists and not in the character of
the bread. Hot rolls would be Just ms
digestible as stale ones if they were prop
erly masticated. He refers in this con
nectiOn to the dog as a teacher of an
important physiological lesson. This
animal bolts meat, but eats bread be-
cause the mouth parts are able to do IT.
tie toward the digestion of meat beyond
reducing 1t to Il convenient form for
swallowing. He. however. seems to over
look the fact that the dogs teeth are lily
constructed for chewing, and that this
is most likely the reason for his expedi-
tiOns disposal of meat.
Another curious fact which he calls Mt
leHtlOn TO IS lii"' SEale Dfea1 Is not more
dry than new. This is shown by sub
hitting stale bread for short time to
high temperature Under such conditions
1t becomes soft and plastic, regaining its
newness. and this despite the fact that
some moisture must be driven off in the
operation. He thinks this is explainable
on the supposition that in new bread
there is free water present, but that in
stale bread, while it is still there. it is in
state of true chemical combination. In
biological plan to thoroughly masticate
every morsel of food before swallowing
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
PLEASES THE AUTHORS.
A Publishing House Which Caters to
Clients, Not the Public.

Clients, Not the Public.
"There is near Philadelphia" says the
Record of that city, "a really wealthy
publishing house that brings out only
worthless books; volumes of verse and Of
prose fiction which have no literary value
and which the house issues at the au-
thor's expense. These volumes do not
sell; they never appear OIL boOkstands;
their editions are about large enough to
supply five hundred copies 10 the news
papers to review and FIVE hundred copies
to the authors for distribution among
their friends. The contents of the vol
umes. which never fail to include the
authors portraits and brief biographies,
are very amusing in their banalty. This.
for instance, is the rhymed dedication of
novel from this house:
Friend c. be seated In the shade;
The pipestem that for you i made
Place in your mouth. mug of beer
Place by your side. An onion, too,
That it may raise sympathetic tear
In case the contents hereof will not do.
Within these pages, then, fOrgiyng, look,
For TO you / dedicate this book
Nothing save, perhaps, their versifica-
ton, could be more repellent than the
humor Of those lines. At the end of the
novel the writer takes up verse again.
and in twenty long stanzas describes a
country dance. Here is the concluding
stanza, which is not the worst one of the
twenty:
Alas, for poor Ticklefoot!
Endeth the dance
He kicketh high heavenward
Splitteth his pants.
Books of this sort are issued by this
urn at the rate of about six week
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26

office. and, going to another telephone in
the building, called up his own office. OF
course, Maggie rushed frantically TO the
phone, and answered.
"'Hello,' said the lawyer, in a muf-
fled voice This is a lineman testing the
wire. Kindly stand one foot in front of
the receiver and say hello
Maggie obeyed.
"Thank you. Now stand two feet TO
one side and say hello
Maggie complied.
THANK you. Now stand two feet on
the other side and say hello
III was done.
Thank you. Now stand on your head
and say hello
maggie seems to be somewhat back
ward in answering the telephone now.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
When Quail Were Thick.

Two old hunters We're swapping warns
and had got to quail.
Why" said one, Il remember vear
when quail were so thick that you cuult.
get eight or ten ut shot with a riac' .
The other one sighed.
What's the matter?' said the FIRST.
Il was thinking of my quail hunts. |
had fine black horse that | rode everv
where, and one DAY out hunting QUAIL |
saw big covey on low branch of \
tree. | threw the bride rein over the
end of the limb and took shot.
Several birds fell and the rest flew
away
We'll, sir, there were so many anal,
on that limb that when they flew off Il
sprang back into place and hung my
horse"'-IloS Angeles Times.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
Maggie Isn't so Anxious.

'The young woman employed as a stem
ocrapher had a beau named VIII, 20
whom she talked some twenty-five times
a day" says the Boston Record. The
lawyer who labored under the impress
sion that he was paying for the stenogra-
piers time was not pleased that Maggie
should drop her work and ush frantical-
IL to the telephone every time the bell
rang. and stand there for fifteen minutes
debating whether or not Win ought to
have told Clara that secret which he
knew we'll enough was none of Clara's
business. One day the lawyer left his
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
Original Statue of Napoleon.

The original statue of Napoleon, erect
ed on the Nendome column of Paris and
unveiled by Louis Philippe in 1882, has
been discovered in the municipal ware
house. 1t was removed under Napoleon
Ill, not being considered sufficiently
striking. Ii was superseded by a statue
by DumOnt and was relegated to COut-
bev0le. The Communists in 1871 threw
it down and mutilated it. since which
time its whereabouts had been unknown.
It is now TO he placed in the Inyaide>:
1t represents the Emperor in his cooked
hat and redingote.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
"A wELL-KNowN FELLOW

I'm the fellow you've heard of so often
Ubiquitous, and made in all sizes.
You'll find me with all kinds of faces.
l hail from the region of ices
Where the snowdrifts spread ont in the SIM
/ also live down in the tropics
" here rivers and rivGlntS sun,
,!ust any old where you win find me.
M all sorts of fellows in one
Composite, ubiquitous. Octagonal,
The celebrated son of A Gun
New Orleans Times-Dc,nGcrot
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
Austria Has Gold TO Coin.

The board of directors of the Austro-
Hungarian bank, at recent session.
decided to issue 20-crown gold pieces
equivalent. to Is shillings, and circulate
them writes Baden correspondent.
This decision, which is brought about
by the recent constant influx of GOLD. is
an epoch in finance. as Austria for dec
AIDES has had no gold coin circulation
Flnanciers express a doubt as to wheth-
err the banks will be able to keep up the
circulation. 1t is also feared that the
couptry population will not take kindly
to gold circulation.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
WOODLAND SCENE.

The cool wind fiirts acrss the hill,
And laughs up Mt the sky;
A freight train whistles far away,
And swiftly flashes by
The farmer in the field who yearns
For just one drop of rye.
A garter snake crawlS forth and suns
Itself upon the rocks;
a bird chirps sadly as 1t mourns
The withered hollyhocks.
And over in the creek a tramp
Is washing out his socks.
indianapolis Sun.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-26
Politeness was Mistakes.

4 man was summoned at Il Dublin
police court the other day for using &33r1-
sive language to a stranger in pughc
street. 1t turned out. however, that
what he had really said was. How do
you do?' in Gaelic. This reminds one
Of Mr.. "Punch's" remark apropoS OF the
first production of Wagner's "Gotter-
dammerung I'VE don't know what II
means, but it sounds like awful swear
ing.'-I.Ond0n Glnhn