Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1901-05-18
RUSSELL & WESTON,

~
Visitor frum beyond the suburbs)--
What's one of them automobiles wuth?
Salcsman-I can sell you this one Mt
a bargain Its only 1915.
Visitor the fire in his eyes dying
ouO-Show me some Of your wheel
barrahs.-Chicago Record.
Young Or. Smith-A patient got very
angry the other day because ! advised
him To take n Turkish bath
Mrs. DR.. SMITH don't see why any
body should get mad about that.
Young DR.. Smith-Wel this fellow
was 4 Greek.-Judge.
Cook wants week on"
What for?"
she says she wants to take chatting
dish lessons. so she can get a more
stylish place. Puck.
II suppose you admire strictly lcgiti-
mate actors more than any other
kind"
Il do" answered Mr.. Stormington
Barnes; for their courage. Wash
ington Star.
There are only four towns in Mnss1-
chusetts that haven't free public libra
ries" -.
What's the matter with them? Arc
Record Herald.
Enslishman-Is il true that the
brooklyn trolley has killed hundreds
since ii started?
Gothsmite-Yes. That's the worst
corporation we have for grinding down
the poor.-Judge.
Mr. knowsitt-i 40 rot see why yoii
think the market man is uvcr-charging
sl0.aA
Mrs. Knowsitt-ox egg. John Henry
knowSltt. what have you been drinking
AscJm-"What is this writer's cramp'
that YOU newspaper fellows have 80
often"
Spaccrtc-"W Why. 1t s being cramprd
for money I've got Il now Lend me 4
" will you?''-Catholic Standard ana
III Against the Real Thing-"on.
dear. she sighed. II wish IL would Cst
70 b. the fashion TO write letters in dia
lcct"
Then I could reply to those Boston
cousins Of mine without taking a course
in the dictionary every time. Chicago
1imcs-Herald.
atmosphere affect you any?" asked No
tramp dog az the newspaper office cat.
Oh. drop into poetry once in awhile
answered the cat as he climbed into the
Wastcbaskct and went TO Slccp.-Indian-
apolis Sun.
Mr.. Park-Do you believe that the doc
tors will agree that. after All. salt Is the
elixir of lfcr
Mr. Mawnod-Never. It's too cheap,
Mrs. Brown: Anything tor me- Ru-
raj postmaster: Il don't see nothing. Z
postcard from Aunt Sally Sprigg<. ttllln
what day she was comm" Rural post
master calling to his wife, Did 20 see
postcard from Mrs. Browns Aunt sally.
iellin what day she was comm? us
Wife: Yes. she's comm thursday"
A Victim Of gossip. Fame" said the
youth with the earnest intellectual. ex-
preston. is SO hard TO attain, II is 50
ahnt FOR 2ne t. get , himself alksd
with cold. blue eyes and firm jaw. 'Yun
just ought to live in our ncignbornood
This is an unsrateful world. Il not in
frequently hanpens that the man who
jokes AT the vaudeville SHOW Is the man
WAC lives at the expense OF this wife $
mother. anu depends upon her to super
wise the cooking. icrnaps 10 DO it-i!ustoa
Transcript.
And DO You really and truly love m? 7.
replied Clarence r. Bainbridse I'D dc
for YOU. IF ! only could believe that,
unused the maiden. And If could in
due MIN to insure his life in my layor
matter to him: and he Went away defect
ed.-IiarperS Bazaar.
II can tell YOU, said he. how much
water runs over Niagara Fails 20 .
quart. How much? asked she. Two
pints. Chicago journal.
Mrs McddorGrass-'Th paper saws
that most o the Rooshians is ignorant
people. MIR Meddersrass--'N ell now, /
sh Il think they'd have to be purity smart
TO understand their own languagc. Bal
timorc American
\ model relative. II reckon Bobby s
Eot q letter from his unclc. Shouldn't
wonder. Hes always been purity kim. Ia
Bobby. Yes: he's the sort OF fcilcr
that promises to give boy Il lot of pres
ents II he Is good. an gives ON to him
anyhow
Cheerful Reading. Isaacs-''How | lofe
to read off dem gallant iircmen satin.
vmmem unit children Aoiams .>cn, |
yes Vile deyrc SAILING viminin INT chi
drcn dcy can be satine goots. Puck
Mr. Johnson adoah you. Miss |
Phoebe. only name &c day. Mis-; |
fhocbe-"W-a-a-l, How viii ue day you !
SIR Ike a stiddy job sut?'-ruck.