davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
A Cruel American Parent,

The Mother-ALy dears, your father Ia
obdurate. He says that after raking
and scraping, as he vulgarly expresses
it, and getting into debt. and making
other sacrifices, he can only allow you
$500 apiece for your clothes.
The Girls dn chorus, weeping)-Wen
wen get even with him yet!-Life.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
Told in Washington,

"Is the correspondent of that publi-
cation a well-informed man?'
81 should say so!' was the answer
Half the time he's the only person in
the world who knows whether what he
tells is true or ot."-Washington Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
l Valuable Dog.

Friend-Magnificent dog that.
Mr.. Suburb-Yes, he's a splendid
watch dog. Paid $500 for him.
Frlend-Well, he's worth it-splendid
animal! Splendid! Finest 1 ever saw!
But, by the way, what's this other dog
for? He's mere mongrel! Fact is,
he's a common cur.
MI. Suburb-Y-e-s. 1 had to get
him to prevent the thoroughbred from
being stolen.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
Unsurmountah'e,

Wunn-I seem to have the worst luck
in the way of getting my feet STUN
bled over in street cars.
Tuther-It's their size, guess. Peo-
pie don't stumble over mine.
Wunn-Justrun again them, do them ?
Indianapolis Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

Briggs-How long has Miss Pertly
been on the stage?
Griggs-Two or three marriages.
Chicago Record.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
"Then how do you know she doesn,t9,,


Wont you give veteran something
to eat, mum?" said Tired Thompson to
Mrs. Whiffet
"You a veteran" replied Mrs. Whit
fet, unbelievingly. You were never
a soldier, I'll be bound"
Madam" added the tramp, "you do
me a grievous injustice. l have done
nothing but soldier all my life."
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

An lllitcrate.
Jane-What did you ever reject John
Gray for?
Kitty-He was so illiterate.
Jane-Illiterate? Why, thought he
was a man of superior education.
Kitty-Well, he wasn't He didn't
even know the rudiments, for when |
told him NO" and thought sure he
would read between the lines, would
you believe it, the gump picked up his
hat and went home.-Detroit Free
Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
Our Overheated Houses.

A Mexican newspaper declares that
when Mexicans visit the United States
in winter they suffer more from the
overheated houses than from the cold
outside.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS

Pl sasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over-Sayingst that Are Cheer.
full to Old or Young-Funny Selec'
tions that Everybody VIII Enjoy.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
gives you a little licking-thus-

and now you may read the book and
enjoy it, while you have the advantage
OF the father of your country in expert
ence and l will save my cherry tree,
giving you valuable lesson at the same
me."-Chicago Chronicle.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
Can Get Along.

Can Get Along.
do you think it is desirable for q
man to study the dead languagesy
mo, SIR" answered Mr.. ~Cumrox,
with emphasis. "If queer words are
what young man aspires to. the golf
and baseball reports in any good daily
newspaper will supply all his wants. !"
Washington Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

No matter how erect general may
be he is apt to lean more or less on his
staff.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
One Lone Populist.

There is only one member of the new
Legislature Of Tennessee who is not
Democrat. He is Populist.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

Professor to Student of Surgery
Please inform the class the names Of
bones forming the skull.
Student-Ah-er-Id do not at the mo-
ment remember, but know that have
them all in my head.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
The Cornfed PHI losopher.

''There is nothing woman more en-
joys" said the Cornfed philosopher,
than monkeying at making something
out of something it ought not to be
made out f."-Indianapolis Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

Pauline has one side of her boudoir
devoted to photographs Of her lost
beaux."
$50 many dead?''
'No; married"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

she"
.'You mean that he was millionaire
at the time she married him.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

"Do you see that man over yonder?
He has just had greatness thrust upon
him."
How so?"
"Why, he's the only public man in
the country who when asked to tell
what would happen in the new GEN.
fury said he didn't w."-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
The Seminary Kind.

Dog-I wonder if those are what they
call goo-goo eyes?
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
LandIords in Holland.

In Holland no landlord has the power
Of raising the rent or Of eyicting ten
ant
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

Passenger Ito station porter)-Now.
it's o'clock and the time table says
the train arrives at 3:14.
Station Porter-Oh, well, you mustn't
take the time table too seriously.-FHe-
gende Blaetter.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

Onions, new yellow, $2.50@3.
Lettuce, hot house. $1.6O per case.
Potatoes, new. SIS.
Rnofr nlr 31
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

"Mr. Lew told me that he was Yale
man. Do you know what class he was
graduated from p
''From the sophomore class."-Har-
lem Life
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

A finished poet is one who gets dis
couraged and goes to work.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

Dickerman-There's one thing that
puzzles me.
Rawley-And, pray, what is that?
Dickerman-How it happens that
the new woman is generally not a very
young one.-Boston Transcript.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
Trolleys Carry the Mails.

In Pennsylvania the trolley Is carry
ing the mail and thus supplanting the
star routes.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

A girls mission in life is to change
her dresses, her mind and her name.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

He-I asked your fathers consent by
telephone.
She-What was his answer?
He-He said: 81 don't know who
you are, but it's all right" Harvard
LampoOn.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
Didn't Miss ANY

Mrs. Statestreeth-Did she marry her
first love?
Mrs. Stockyarde- my, yes! Her
first, second, third and fourth.-Norris-
town Herald, 3
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
The Thoughtful Parent.

little lesson. We have here cherry
tree, a little hatchet and the life of
George Washington. I take little
branch from the tree and
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
A Difference.

The parson ION a visit)-And how
long do you pray at night, my boy?
The Boy-Winter or summer?
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
She Was Speaking.

Nurse Girl lost track of the child,
mum, and
"Good gracious! Why didn't you
speak to a policeman"
Nurse Girl wuz speaking to wan all
the tonne, num-"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
inadvertently Pleasant.

81 didn't know it was to be a comic
opera"
We'll. you knew it was to be an opera
given by an amateur company, didn't
youT'-Chicago Record.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
A Domestic ExpIosiy

Little girl-Papa, what is powder?
Father-It is something people get
blown up with.
Little girls that what makes you
scold, mamma SO when she puts it on
her face?
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

Willie Sonnet-In what magazine
would you advise me to publish poems
to give them the highest position?
Editor-The powder magazine.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
Freaks Of Fortune.

Mikey-Chimmy's got pair O. skates
for Christmas, an a red pencil, an a
ne-bladed knife, an five cents wort O.
gum an a bean shooter, an a pair O.
suspenders an
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

Pittsburg Man-What would you
folks do if mob of rioters should come
charging down Broadway?
New-Yorker (busily)-Start a police
man to shooting at dog.-New York
Weekly.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
A Great Nurnriae.

Jack Huggard-Miss Pechy's father
made surprising statement to me last
night.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

Terrence--Gee! Some fellers seem
ter be born wit a silver spoon In DER
mout' Puck.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

Johnson-Does your wife speak
French?
Thompson-She thinks she does.
'YOu don't speak it, do you?'
'No."
''Then how do you know she doesn't?'
81 watched a French walters face
the other day when she was talking to
him, and I'll be blamed if he didn't
look as if he had the .toothache.'
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22

"She married a millionaire, didn't
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
The First Course.

Miss Keedick is taking the first
course in the Female College of Jour
nalism. 1t will last three MONTHS
What is the subject for the first few
monthsY'
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-22
Study in Economics

'She accepted me, but wouldn't let
me sit by her on the sofa"
"Why not?"
"Said she'd just paid eighty cents to
have her white dress done up"
New-York tribune., 1901-05-28

Juan on tmportations from New-York between July
B, 1898. and May l, 1900. The first question was
whether this action. being money from
the United States should have been brought
In the Court of Claims but the court held it was
properly brought before the United States District
Court for Southern New-Yo-k The court said the
duties assessed were of three classes-those levied
under General Mless order. extending the Span
ish regulations pending further action; those pre-
scrfbed by the Commander in Chief, the President
until the cession of the island, and those subse-
quently levied The court said there could be no
doubt as to the lawful exaction of duty under the
war power. While the treaty of peace signed
on December r. 1898. it did not take effect until
ratification.
The authority of the Spanish Government was
superseded, but the necessity for did
there was no authority left but the military au-
thority- The most natural method of raising reve
nue. was by continuing the Spanish duties. Cen
erdt f,e Niles, In adopting this method, was fully
TONS apply from the date of notice of ratification
OF the Treaty of Peace Porto Rico then ceased to
to exact duties ceased with the exchange Of rati-
hcations' though the right TO administer the gov
eLnment: OF course, continued From the moment
the United states ceased 10 be a foreign country
acted importations were free from levy of duty
whether from one place TO the other or vice versa
In the courts opinion the authority of the Com
manderin-Chief ceased with the ratification Of the
goods Continued until Congress constit9tio4aY
acted The decision for this reason will be
Justices Gray. shiras, White and, McKenna dis
Sented The dissent was based on the ground that
United States so far as the tariff laws con-
asFned ea the moment the Treaty of Peace was ra''
The case of Armstrong aet the United States
shipped to Porto Rico during military occupation
and partly before and partly after racation | t of
the treaty, was decided on the lines of the Dooley
case. the court dividing as in the latter case.
as the Huus case involving the question whether
vessels plying between Porto Rico and New-York
held they were so engaged.
New-York tribune., 1901-05-28

President Would have no aybnrt amq Officers as the
the war power TO administer it himself but no Act
il has been ceded to the United States W. ax,ne -
10 opinion as TO whether Congress is bound 10 an
Iroprlate the money TO pay for IL This has been
much discussed by writers upon constiutinnal Ia ~
oenEfs5 % ia tb ~ 1pt appropriation for the money
sipl5ttea u! ne Ie4ty This theory also presup-
Tarticular except for tariff nnrnol td @ IN every
territory. that laws may be enacted "a aF;
by officers of the United States sent there for tbaf
wars carried on, revenues collected taxes imnoseS
In snort mar everything may he done which
yet that the territory may still remain fo,reieU
for EetIs, or d century even; but that until Con-
grss eha,lS oII3,srWlse u still remains foreign
of law we deem 70 he pure judicial legislation We
] a S 6frred Ior nd II IN me constitution or in the
non-acuon of congress may occasion Temporary
inconvenience hut II does follow that courts Of
Justice are authorized 10 remedy il hv Inyertino
The ordinary meaning Of words ms
n act 0f Congress he 70 cop,..-. .
foreign country into domestic territory the opes-
- &c " 1eeisi,f} 5s lIss what Is the charac er
an az a2propriating money for its purchase he
@ sLiS the qre o collected lie unon imports to and from
sicent? Apparently mot W " Us ago he
pTopralons Tor its postal service for the establish
ment Of lighthouses for The maintenance of quar-
autine stations. for erecting public buildings b9ve
thar erect VIII an act establishing complete
local government but with the reservation Of a
reht 70 collect duties upon commerce he adequate
TOT nav psrposeE None Of these. nor all together
WI pe @ S@uII-lshI II the contention of the govern
ment be sound since acts embracing all these pro-
Rico and i IS insisted that it is stir a foreign
country within the meaning Of the tariff laws We
are nnahe 10 acqCieSce in this assumption that a
territory may he at the same time both foreign and
domestic. ~
We are therefore OF opinion that at the time these
duties We're levied Porto Rico not foreign
territory Of the United states @ thar f3T the a"d dues 9e
were Illegally eNacteG. and that the plaintiffs are
entitled 70 recover them back
The jgdgmeRt Of the Circuit Court for the South
ern District Of NewYork is therefore reversed and
the remanded 10 that court for f1lrt her nro-
ceedings in consonance with this opinion
New-York tribune., 1901-05-28
DEMANDS BYN. Y. C.. SHOP HEN
THEY WANT A NINE HOUR DAY AND
TEN PER CENT WAGE INCREASE

A NJ. Waitt. superintendent of motive power
Of the New-York Central. received a telegram
last night TO the effect that demands had been
made by the company's employees in the Buffalo
shops for a nine hour day and 10 per cent in
crease in wages.
The detailed statement OF the demands will
reach Mr.. Watt this morning Officers of the
New-York Central do not fear a strike. however.
and say that their employees have only been
prompted to this action by committee from the
International Association of Machinists- They
say that their men have been satisfied. and do
not want TO strike II any concessions
thought to be merited, it was said by a high of
fetal of the road last night. they would be
granted. The propositions which said TO be
contained in the letter which Mr.. Waitt will re-
ceive to-day are follows:
First-A permanent nine-hour day to be es-
tabliShed.
Second-A 10 per cent increase to be paid on
the present wages
Third-Au other conditions. being satisfactory.
to remain they are.
Fourth-This to take effect June l. 1901
About thirteen hundred are employed
in the Buffalo shops.
New-York tribune., 1901-05-28
GRIGGS ON THE DECISION.
THE EN-ATTORNEY- GENERAL. WHO AR
GUED THE CASES SAYS THE GOV
ERNMENT'S VICTORY Is
C0NRI E-1E
COMPLETE.

Paterson ~ J. May - (SperiaD.-John W.
Griges. ex-Attornev- General. who argued the
cases for the government. was pleased the
victory. When seen at his home tonight ne
talked freely Of the cases. but could go
very deeply into the decisions. he had not
seen the text Of the opinion. He had. of course.
read the reports in the papers outlining the de
csion Of the court He said:
1t was complete victory for the govern
were three vital points IN all me cases, and on
these the government brought all its forces.
The only point which the government
beaten was the question to the status of
Porto Rico between the Treaty Of Paris and the
time when the Foraker act went into operation.
That question involved few hundred thousand
dollars whereas the question to the status
Of the island after the Foraker act involved un-
told millions do not think that any case ever
came before the Supreme Court involving larger
interests than these cases, and, in the larger
sense. the government gained a complete VIC
tory. The cases involved three periods. FIRST,
the period from the occupation or the new Ter
ritory until the Treaty of Paris; second. the
period from the Treaty Of Paris until the opera
tion of the Foraker act; and, third, the indefinite
period after that act.
The constitutional questions were only raised
as 10 the third period. The decision of the court
sustains the contention of the government that
Congress has power to legislate for the control
Of these acquisitions distinctly from the United
States that is to say, that Porto Rico, for IN
stance, is not part of the United States in the
sense that the same tariff laws govern both
when Congress has actually made differ
ence. You see, the court holds that. dur
ing the second period Porto Rico was not
a foreign country, and as there was no
tariff legislation exclusively affecting ill.,
then il would come under the general tariff
law of the United States. But that did not
affect the constitutional right of Congress to
make the distinction in its tariff laws between
the United States and Porto Rico. will be seen
when the court comes to the third period. Then
they sustain the Foraker act a proper eXer
else of the power of Congress. That the
great question before the court: The second
period was short 1t is gone. and the questions
raised by it will never occur again; but the
questions raised by the third period of in
calculable and continuing importance.
New-York tribune., 1901-05-28
VIEWS OF THE DECISION.
CHARLES r. FLINT SAYS IT WILL
GREATLY ASSIST AMERICAN
COMMERCE.

Charles R. Flint of the Flint. Eddy and American
Trading Company, which does a large trading busl-
ness in the possessions. being the first Ameri-
can house 10 establish branch in the Philippine
Islands. said yesterday:
The decision is in my opinion very important
thing for the future of this country. Under II II Is
possible logically and deliberately develop the
territories which may come under our flag 10 tnat
point where they may also come under the con-
stitution States Under the Interpretation OF
the constitution indicated by the dissenting opn-
ion the future of this country would be greatly
hampered and limited in the extension of the bene-
fits of its government Its commerce and its military
power territory not to-day subject
the utmost Importance to that island. There
come and Congress in exercising that power fur
nished a fund with the aid of which the island
could be properly governed without bearing too
hardly upon it's people The small tariff charged
upon Porto Rico products imported into the United
States still left that country WIN enormous
preference as 10 duties. Any other decision would
have rendered II necessary to divest ourselves of
the Philippines. The laws suitable to States and
Territories of the United States would have
been suitable to those islands. and ii would have
been question of trying TO administer the country
hampered by unsuitable laws or TO get out of it,
1t is obvious that We can and will stay
AS Congress perrects the organization of
the Philippines. trade will advance enormously. 1t
is my opinion that within ten years the volume OF
trade OF the islands under Spanish rule can be
increased not less than dyefold- Business far
has not been done under law. but has been done
New-York tribune., 1901-05-28
OTHER CASES DECIDED.
FOUR FROM PORTO RICO AND ONE FROM
HAWAII

Washington, May 27.-Justice Brown announced
that the court following the authority OF the De
Lima case reversed the judgments or the court
telo, in tho cases OF Goetze agt. the United States
and crossnan agt the United States. both brought
here from the United States Court for the Sou'h-
ern District of New-York. In the Goetze case a
duty levied on importation OF tobacco iIoiii rom
Porto Rico into the United States on June D. le'''
after the ratification of the peace treaty ana De
fore the passage Of the Porto Rican act was IN
volved and IN the Crossman case the levy oi d
duty on an importation Of liquors from Ha"Hti
into the United States in April lS"' di'et , m
,.ss.oa - ,ha Hawaiian annexation resolution
and before the taking effect Of the act providing
q government for Hawaii In each case the boara
OF General Appraisers held the importation ou'i-
able and in each this decision was IeEei
The court then passed on the case OF DooieS
agt tbe limited States being an action brought 10
recover certain duties paid under protest al san
New-York tribune., 1901-05-28

are also interested in them. and IL I have been
Ioiu correctly what the courts holding is
PeheVe the Westerners will be much gratifed.
l intend to read carefully the opinion delivered
9y edch Justice Then | Will be better able to
uIscuss the decision. From what l can gather
having talked with an able lawyer who listened
- 20 All or the courts proceedings, 1 infer that
SIe CONSTITUTION follows the flag only when
tI IarlH Ia w was illegally applied to Porto Rico
9etore the passage of the Foraker act, and the
uuueS coIlected under it are returnable but
that is not important; it is only a matter OF
money and not one of the vital questions which
We're at issue. The significant feature of the
decision is the declaration that the Foraker act
Is constitutional The policy of the adminstra-
ton IN relation to the insular possessions has
been sustained