The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-05-04

4
you have these hip pockets-pint or
quart2-Yonl.e;s Statesman.
7 am almost discouraged" said the
reformer.
About what?"
1.-THE future of this world Every time
I devise some new idea for suppressing
iniquity the sinners sharpen their wits
and invent a new swindle. '-Wa Washing
ton Star.
Bnl-Have you seen that woman
lightning-change artist at the theater?
Jill-No. Is she good?
Great! Why, she puts on her bonnet
in less than Is minutest'-Yonkers
Statesman.
81 tell you your country IS painfully
new. Why, you haven't even any fairy
tales
''Haven't, Ell? Well. you just come
with me and look at some of the tablets
on our best monuments. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Suspicious and willy Conductor-Do
you mean to say that child is not over
five?
Hes just four
$50 thought All over three have to
pay full re."-Philadelphia Times.
Il overheard that man who calls on
you say something about betting,
rooms?"
Sure ma'am, he doesn't know there's
such a place in New York. He's a po-
liceman, ma'a .''-Yonkers Statesman.
lone er de bigges' damages desc hyuh
trusts is li'bIe to do said Uncle EDer,
sis temptin' folks to lose time fun dere
reg'lar business. hollerin' agin whit dey
can't help ''-Washington Star.
What does this fellow mean by speak
ing of the light of her countenance' in
describing his heroine?" asked the Par
ty Who Always Wants to Know.
Il suppose it is a delicate way of say
ing ths,t she is lantern awed," answer
ed the Ready Observation-Disclosures
American.
Bacon What. do you think of Wead-
lily?
Egbert-well, I really don't know
whether to consider him a humorist or
an ungrammatical ignoramus.
What's happened2"
why, I noticed that he had got his
lawn mower back, and I spoke to him
about it.
Well
HE said yes, it was no longer keep
ing lent y onzers- Statesman
The Wai-Emu-Pu may be a great i'm
provement on the Tsung- Yamen, but
it doesn look it.-Chjcago Post
She-The groom seems embarrassed.
He-He is. He is marrying her for
her money.-TEe Smart Set.
soribbler-Ts he a writer of fiction?
Scrawler-Yes; he's the author ofsFIow
to Live Well on Eight Dollars a Week
Philadelphia Record.
Friend-I suppose that you always try
to throw as much life in your pictures
as you can?
Artist-Not always I've painted %
pictures of the Dead Sea in my time
Leslie's Weekly.
Carrie-There goes Nell with hsr
fance- They say he fell in love with her
at first sight
Bessie That's just like him. He al
ways was funny fellow. They say ne
liked olives the first time he ever tasted
them.-Boston Transcript.
stubber-Come into this restaurant
with me. old man. I've got the best
way-What are his especial
qualifications?
Stubber-Wen. I give him 81 week
for putting the check on my friends
plates.-Leslie's Weekly.
well, Jimmy. did you have a good
time at the party2'
You bet did, pop. Why. there wasn't
per's Bazaar.
Isn't love in a. $4,000 cottage a regu-
lar cottage pudding 1.-The Smart Set.
You cannot deny that you are
scared said the minister, as a bomb
shell exploded near the palace.
Il don't wish to deny that I am scared"
answered the czar. 'haughtily. ITO deny
that I am scared would be simply to
confess that am foolish. w ashington
Star.
Smfth-Do you believe that dogs are
sometimes used in making sausages2
Brownie; but suspect they are an
important ingredient in hash.
Smith-Why do you think that?
Brown-Because when people are fed
on it a few days they begin to growl.-
Chicago News
3. Forge-There goes that Jack Halton
out driving again. I wonder if he will
succeed in catching an heiress this year?
Fenton-There is no reason why he
shouldn't. He has a stylish trap.-Phil-
adelphia Record.
Husband wonder what we shall
wear in heaven?
wife-well. if you get there. John,
imagine most of us will wear surprised
1ooks-The Smart Set.
so they sent your poem back?'' said
the sympathizing friend. It's too bad"
That's what the editor said hila-
delphia Times
When does lettuce blush?''
When it sees the salad dressing -
Chicago Tribune
so you're going to marry the police
man. BIidget?"
Yes num-
4 suppose you'll have the same trou-
bic with him I've had with my husband
'tShure, what's that, NUM-
oh, he won't give up his club
Yonkers Statesman
Miss Wunder-T don't see how Tessie
Tellem manages to win so many guess
ing contests
Miss Gabbeigh-why. her papa is q