Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1901-12-20
THE MAGIC TUBE.
OUR REPORTER RECEIVERS IT
FROM THE BRINY DEEP.

Eye Who Saw Disaster in the Fifth Plank
Placed Under Tribute Cositations of Sen.
atorial Aspirant-West Side Wants LIGHT.
Sizing Up the Churches-A Bankers EST.
mate Of Relative Value Of Cash and Conf.
dsnce-A Holy Mans Reflections-A Wood
mans Way to Collect Bad Debt-Purity
and Innocence Again Affords Clint Of the
Tints Beyond the Clouds.
at was singular" said the reporter,
chow 1 recovered my thinking-tube.
You know when l got to thinking Of
that sweet little child's innocence, l
listlessly dropped. it into the bay"
eyes, and 1 thought that was the
last OF it," replied the Chief Conu-
biator.
$50 did l." said the reporter, but as
l was passing along Fourth street, one
of those fool ducks flying over struck
the wires and fell down at my feet. 1
picked it up and there was my tube
sticking in its mouth. Il could nei-
Their swallow it nor eject it. You bet.
ter believe was glad to get it and
commenced tapping the Thinkers at
once.
Mr." Elk" went by-suave-dignified
-genial-" No they did not catch
me; have the Hye of Heagle,' if
am not one. The G. o. P. is good
enough for me. Besides the Mayor
would get tangled up with the saloons,
and now l am ready to pose for Con-
gresham, Senator, or any other old
thing. That 9Th plank saved me.
Well, if you can't swim, be sure to
grab plank in time"
Just then, another prominent"
passed me, and from the snow-crowned
top piece-snowed, under a super.
abundance of early piety-I heard:
whats the use of thinking about it /;
they are just giving me taffy. Its
John L. Wilson's and no one else's.
But these bees do buzz sure. Jove it
wouldn't be bad! Bet your life, i
could hold my own with those old
moss-backs in the Senate. I'd show
them poker as is poker. But pshaw!
If Ingersoll-grand, gifted, eloquent
and magnetic-could not get the Pres.
idential nomination because of infidel-
ity they will never send the Old Boy
himself to the Senate. Brains don't
count in that fight any way, and I'm
long on brains, but short in barrel
Aye, there is the rub"
As he passed away, West-sider
hove into range. His thinker said :
Dark as the old scratch on this
bridge these nights. That old story
must be true. The Westsiders doomed
town lots 80 high in the good old days
that they are doomed to pay taxes,
and lots Of them, and get no lights. no
fire protection. no car line, no police,
no anything but taxes for all time to
come. Maybe few lights would be
cheaper than jury trial. Maybe q
good light might have saved . life and
perhaps shadow for years to another
life; but life is cheap these days."
And here comes one of the elect
always elected: "Igot around that
stump pretty nicely. Great Presby-
terrain church, Great Methodist
church, Great Episcopal church, Great
Baptist church; but these pesky Camp.
bellites wouldn't mention, they out
number the Congregationalists two
for one and the Episcopalisns in this
country about the same. see from
the Worlds Almanac that the Dis
ciples Of Christ number Ills, 1896.
The Episcopalians 709, 1876 and the
Congregationalists CPS, 1884. But de-
clare my prejudice against them 10 so
great that can't conceal it,"
A banker happened along, evidently
musing on the failure OF the Metro
politan Bank, at Tacoma: Eyes, it
was q want OF confidence; that's all.
Just let the confidence 90 and the
cash has got to 60 with it. Don't
think we can keep their money for
nothing? Must use III If we use it,
We haven't got it. The people are all
like the Frenchman in New Orleans,
when he demanded bis money Of the
bank. He was paid every dollar.
Then he handed the money back.
BY Gar, you got him no want him |;
but you not got him by Gar I must
have him. Yes, confidence is what
the people want. Glad they don't
have access to our note. cases, or lots
OF other banks would follow the Met
rcpolitan. think the prayer should
be amended. Give US this day our
daily bread and much, very much
confidence. Some day the postal saw
ings bank will come-there will be no
failure then-not much"
As he passed out, . clergyman
passed BY, evidently stranger. But
he was marked and labeled preacher
couldn't mistake him. Said his
thinker: We'll, that WAS . good
thing the San Francisco convention
did when it offered Mr.. Pierpont Nor
gan . committee on arbitration for use
in settling controversies between CAPT.
toll and labor; church founded on
caste, weak in members, aristocratic
in habit-but still it was great thing
70 do. OF course we are the church,
and the church 10 everything, but
what gall it was when the Pope offered
the same thing. And yet the Pope
represents millions to our thousands.
Lincoln was wrong-You can fool
mosr of the people all Of the time"
Big, clean-shaven and jolly, his
mind keeping up tumult like fax.
brake, passed pious man and here
was what he thought: "Well, did
not think when preached on Who's
on the Lords side,' that my prayers
would be answered 80 soon. You see,
to be q good partisan one must some.
times copper his acts. The majority
on Lords side 10 almost an even 200.
The game 10 made-roll."
Just then small man passed who
was thinking vigorously, and it was
about how his wife had been check
mated by the woodman: cit beats
anything l ever heard" he soliloquized
bitterly, "and breaks up all our little
plans for economy. To think Of that
woodman insisting upon payment be-
fore he would throw the wood into the |
shed. And then-blast the woman
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