The Topeka state journal., 1901-11-23
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HU NOR OF THE DAY.
His name suh,'' explained the col
| ored citizen, lis plain Moses, but his
| nanny call i'm Honey-Sweetness.
kaze he sich I'P devilr'-Atlanta Con-
| stitution.
Edith-He says he loves me for my
self alone What do you think of it?
Ethel-We1l, it's hard telling whether
he's drawing on his humor or his imag-
ination.-Judge.
what is the advantage of knowing a
foreign language. anyway" demanded
the aggressive American woman.
why, it enables you to say unkind
things about great many people right
in their presence answered the wise
one.-Chicago Post.
WAS he wounded seriously?" asked
the reporter, hurrying to the scene of
the affray.
He was,'' briefly answered the po-
liceman. Did yez think it was in fun?"
Chicago Tribune.
"Polytheism is the natural religion
of uncivilized people"
''Yes, as soon as people become civil
lied, they mostly have no god but
Mammon. Life.
"Pa, what's an average man?"
"One who thinks his employers busi-
ness would be run a good deal better
if he could have more to say in the
matter himself. .'-Tit-Bits
Mrs Scadds made vulgar and os-
tentat tious display of wealth yesterday"
said Mrs. barley to her husband.
In what way?"
"she gave a potato luncheon
Judge.
Papa said little Reginald
What is it. my child?'
Did anybody every try to buy your
vote?''
NO. You see I am a gentleman. No
body has ever found out that 1 have a
vote. Record-Herald.
An unsuccessful candidate for a party
nomination being met by a friend the
morning following his disappointment,
the following conversation ensued:
Friend-Well, how do you like the
nominations
Rejected Candidate Excuse me. but
take no interest whatever in this cleo
tion.
F'riend-No more do I, except to wish
that the best man may win.
Rejected Candidate-Well, he won't.
F'riend-And why not, pray?
Rejected Candidate-Because he
wasn't nominated Courier.
John, DEAR she said, in her sweet,
on rare occasions. 'are you well up
with your Christmas work?"
Pretty well," he sighed, as he put
period to a poem which had almost
given him nervous prostration. 'Why
do you ask?''
Because dear, I'm afraid you are
undermining your health, and 1 want
you to take a recess and write me
short story to pay for my new dress, a
couple of poems for my hat and gloves,
eli in ion hot
bring in enough for a ton of coal, and
one or two of those darling love poems
for some lard and sugar-cured ham;
and ham, dear, is only IL cents a
pOundr'-Atlanta Constitution.
Hicks-He says Christian Science
makes him tired You should hear him
swear about it.
Wicks-The idea! Why should he
bother much about it?
Hicks-He has to. He's the coroner,
you know.-Catholic Standard and
Times.
For some time they had sat in silence,
but it was a silence that means much.
Everything seemed to indicate that
they thoroughly understood each other,
and he already was beginning to build
air castles.
DO you know he said at last, s'you
are the only girl I ever loved?"
THAT settles it, she said with a sud-
den coldness ''If there is anything
that I particularly insist upon having
in a husband it is absolute truthful
ness. I never can be yours. Chicago
Post.
F'aik Pasha, vice admiral of the Turk
ish navy, has been forced to fleet the
country. Perhaps the sound of his
name had something to do with it
Cleveland Leader.
Mike said Mrs. Flanagan, looking
from the paper in her hand to her hus-
band, who had just signed the temper
ance pledge, "shure an a great doctor
sez thot alcohol do be a shure cure for
carbolic acid pizen, an if so be yez
haven't amy alcohol, thin twict as
much whisky will do jist as well.''
BE quick, thin Norah, me dear, an
lay by a good store O. the stuff. Shure
I'm thot desp'rit there's no tellin whin
I'll be nadin' the rimidy."-Judge
Surely you are not afraid of the
No" said the small boy, .but I'm
little scared of the things that might be
in it that l can't see.''-Washington Star.
Teacher (nstructing class on manners):
were sitting in an electric car, every seat
occupied. and an old lady entered, what
would you do?
Tommy-Please, sir, 1 would pretend I
was leepin'.-Pittsburg Bulletin.
while it is true" the voice on the We
randa was heard saving, ':as Phillips
stance, that liberation is merely the re-
suit, whereas liberation is the spirit that
causes it, yet it is also true, as Heine so