The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-09-07
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
TT is sad to see this mercenaTy
spirit so nagrantly manifested in poll
tics said the earnest citizen
Yes answered Senator Sorghum.
have fought against 1t all could pte
it's no use. can't get people to vote
my way without payin' EN- WASH
ington Star.
Nothing washes the color out Of the
calamity bowler quicker than a good-
soaking rain.-Kearney (Neb) Demo-
crat.
Major Tom L. johnson is determined
to have tax reform if he is compelled 10
secrifce every one of Mark Hanna's
dividends.-Sioux City Journal
It is poor business Judgment of that
Massachusetts Yankee who incorpora-
ted the Waterville Consolidated MIX
company.-C Commercial-Trl-
bune.
The Missouri Methodist preacher who
preached against the governors procia-
nation asking for prayers for rain, on
the ground that If rain came II Woulo
benefit the rich more than it would the
poor, must be the original Populist.-
Milwaukee Free Press.
She( timidly)-Isn't automobiling very
dangerous? 1 keep reading of accidents
since autornobiling has become the fad.
He (sprinting the automobile, COM
placently)-Not half so dangerous as
carriage riding has become since auto
mobiles have grown to be so popular!
First Mormon-Elder Benedict claims
that Brother Many blessed is the most
henpecked man he knows
Second Mormon (philosophically)-
Well he is, and he isn't. True, his wife
l. nj
peace; but his wife, Sarah, lets him
have his own way in everything.
Brooklyn Eagle.
To be acceptable to the aristocracy
one must be an ass or a millionaire
Schoolmaster.
The most cheerful author-SamueI
Smiles.
The noisiest-Howells-
The tallest-Longfellow
The most fiowery-Hawthorne.
The hOliest-Pope-
The happiest-Gay.
The most amusing-Thomas Tickell.
The most fiery-Burns.
The most Observation-Disclosures
The most tressed-Akenslds
Chicago Record-Herald.
'I say" said Biggs to his friend
Diggs. during a heated argument, you
are a fool
yet you say am your friend" an
swered Diggs.
Yes of course replied Biggs.
Then" said Diggs, what I'D like to
know is this: Am I a fool because L am
your friend, or am I your friend be-
cause am a fool?''-Tit-Bits.
George have just invested in one
of those new pepper and salt" suits
Robert-Ah! That ought to be good
for two seasons.-Baltimore World.
Mans Christianity to man makes
countless thousands mourn.-School-
master.
This is the kind of weather when it
is pretty nearly as hard to sleep at
night as it is to stay awake in day
time.-Indianapolis News.
Willie Boerum-Pa. you say, if I smoke
cigarettes. I Will get the tobacco heart?
While Boreum-And if [ play marbles.
viii get the marble hearth
Miss Ann Tiaue 4eoyIy)-7can you make
Twoweeksof (discreetly)-Y-Y Yes; but I
| er-guess. after all, have smoked enough
today.
Mrs Gotham-Do you know. George
does nothing at breakfast but read the
Mrs. Isolate COT LoneIyville, SURPRISED
! He does! w ny, Eerdl1lanQ never does!
Mrs. GOtham-F1e doesn't.
! Mrs. IsOlate-Noi Why, he couldn't keep
| his eye continually on his watch if he did!
Preambulating Pete cat seashore)-
/ Come, Leary let's strike out inland!
Ianguid Leary-W' ats the mater wild
/ this Law, Pete2
Perambulating Pete 6shuddering(mEh ny.
t see see SO many folks bathin' morn, noon
| an night as dough dey liked it,
Mrs. ight-Henry, what does
Mr. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES when you
have things sent home from the depart
ment stores c. o. D. they come P. D. Q.
Danger IN Trade War.
Our people win be very unwise if they
| fail to grasp the fact that a commercial
| war between nations is certain to in
| jure all engaged in it. besides which it
| may easily create conditions which will
! make it difficult to end the war, no mat
ter how badly it is hurting. The true
| policy of the United States at this time
is to repeal all protective duties on
trust controlled products and to es-
tablish the policy of reciprocity on the
| broadcast and fairest basis. This will