The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1901-09-18

1t takes only one generation to un.
make gentleman.-Lif
"Pa, what Is pre-glaclal man"
"Why, man before he had to pay ice
bills, of course. detroit Free Press.
"But the gown doesn't fit," insisted
the patron. "That," replied the mo-
dlste calmly, ais because you are not
made rlght."-Chlcago Post.
Scientists claim that all veg
citation has gender" Wagg-"Of
course. Even bed has gender. Didn't
you ever hear of boycottY
Intended-"Well, Tommy. has your
mother told you of my good fortune?"
Tommy-"No. She only said she was
going to marry you"'-Punch.
Those who have lots of money
Are often in trouble about it:
And those who haven't n cent
Are often in trouble without It,
Chicago News.
Mrs. Goodsale-"To what do YOU at
tribute your appetite for strong drink?
Is 1t hereditary?" Wragson Tatters-
"No, lady; it's thirst" st."-Phlladelphia
Press.
young man." exclaimed her father,
with emotion, "do you think you can
keep her In golf balls at the rate she
has been accustomed to losing them?'
Puck.
The bookkeeper who had worked
twelve hours a day for thirty years
paused to look at the captivity of a
canary. How pathetic!' he ex-
clalmed.-Life.
I'm thinking of doing little specu-
latlng," said the lamb. whats the
best thing to put your money inY"
"A safe deposit vault" replied the old
blrd.-Philadelphi Press.
"1t seems strange to hear you speak
so bitterly of him. You used to say
you admired him for the enemies he
has made" "Yes. but I'm one of
them, now."-Philadelphia Press.
With all the wealth at his command,
Alas! he had no family tree.
He bought a dog. then killed it and
Thus swiped the cannes pedigree.
Philadelphia Record.
Mrs. Black Am Lucy Jackson's
husband able to go to wuck yit?"
Mrs. Johnson-"De docktah say he
am. but he say he am only jes well
enough to inj'y loafn'." Brooklyn
Life.
Van Croke-"But, my dear fellow,
you can't afford to marry a girl like
Ruth Rlchling." Van Broke-"On the
contrary, old man, l can't afford to
marry any other girl" - Town and
Country.
II am suffering from bran-fag,
doctah," said Saphelde. "Fish is good
foh that, isn't it?" Every good" re-
piled the doctor. Suppose you begin
with a medium-sized whale every
morning with breakfast"
"Is Mickey in condition. "He's as
fine, as silk. All, Mickey's great boy.
He's got something up his sleeve thatll
asstonish all thin other buffers"
What Is 1t, Mister Doolan?" Its
his r-r-rm."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Vlsitor-"So you weigh 700 pounds?
Doesn't 1t annoy you to have people
comment ON your size?" Fat Man
"Oh. no! If l wasn't worried to death
with fool questions maybe I'd weigh
| 1000 pounds" - Chicago Record Her.
aid.
He speaks of making Roadway in
the teeth of the gale,'" remarked the
editor. "Falsew said the yachting cor
respondent who knew there had not
been even ripple. "Ah, then | will
put it the false teeth of the gale -
Philadelphia Record.
1T Is sad to see this mercenary
spirit so flagrantly manifested in pol
tiles said the earnest citizen. Yes"
answered Senator Sorghum. II have
fought against 1t all l could, but it's
no use. | can't get people to vote my
way without payin' 'em. Washing
ton Star.
"Pm ready" shouted the speaker.
ito meet calmly any emergency that
may arise" At this moment the plat
form collapsed. and the speaker exhib-
ited great perturbation. "How about
that one?" they asked him later.
"That one did not arise" he replied.
mournfully.-Tit-Bit