The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1901-02-13
BILL WAS A JEWEL

When Cousin "Bill" came up from fancy
county, Missouri, to live with them tn,
members of the Edwards family decided to
make the best of it. The head of the family
prepared them for it in advance.
81 suppose, my DEAR" he said to his wifi,
the day before "Bill' was due, chat Wi
liam will be a rough diamond"
When the Edwards girls got a gimps,
of their cousin as he stamped into the front
hall they were certain about the roughness
and were even inclined to question whether
the diamond might not be paste rather than
genuine.
"Bll" had evidently not enjoyed a shave
for some days before he left the Bald Knob
country to seek his fortune in Chicago. HI
was chewing tobacco. His SLOUGH hat was
faded to a soft greenish brown and was
frescoed with grease spots. He wore trous
ers the two legs of which were never in.
tended to be mates, and his coat was ex
tremely short and shiny. His boots were
deeply wrinkled and covered with dust
He wore blue checkered shirt and a white
paper collar innocent of tie, but guilty Of
sundry stains and spots. In the buttonholt
Of the collar sparSled large prize packag,
button finished in green brass.
Cousin "Bill's" manners were as informa
as his raiment. lie made the Edward
family feel at home at once. He put his
feet on the library table, insisted on kissini
the girls good night and gave a performance
at the dinner table which was startling il
the extreme When he finally retired fol-
the night the Edwards family heaved col
lective sigh of relief and apprehension.
90, WE'LL" said Mr. Edwards, cheerfully.
"it will only take few months in the city
to civilize him. He'll be a different fellow
within six weeks"
At the end of month BILL" showed
no signs of improvement that were visible
to the naked eye. Mr.. Edwards brought
home most encouraging reports of his prog.
ress in a business way. He had practically
taken charge of the shipping department at
the store and displayed much ability in
handling the packers and getting the goods
out on time. incidentally, he had clicked"
4 big truckman who objected to his way
of doing business. But so far as his personal
appearance went "Bll' was still ncor.
rigible He shaved when his whiskers in.
terfered with sleeping soundly; he never
BACKED his boots and stuck to his peculiar
clothes with a devotion worthy of porous
plaster. Through it all he maintained the
calm and cheerful Inconsistencies of an
infant, while the rest of the family suffered
in silence.
Finally Mr.. Edwards took it upon himself
to give the young man some good advice.
He began by complimenting him upon the
progress he had made at the store, and
then as delicately as possible, went on to
suggest that these new responsibilities made
it necessary for him to live up to the posi-.
ton in the way of dress and personal APP.
pearance. "BilP' listened to it all in silence,
and thanked Mr. Edwards for his kindness.
The Edwards girls backed up their fathers
appeal by marking such proverbs as
CLOTHES make the man" and leaving them
about where "Bil' would be sure to see
them. In spite of all their efforts there
was no improvement. Bill" continued to
do his work at the store in a way which ex-
cited the admiration of his superiors. He
also continued to shock all the refined in.
stincts of the Edwards family by his I'm.
eouth manners and dress.
So the weeks went by and "Bill's"
clothes finally reached stage where it
seemed necessary to adopt heroic meas,
ures. "Bilp' was told as tactfully as pos
sible that he must get new suit. He obeyed
orders. He came home one night wearing
an outfit that would have made the for
tune of low comedian. In color it was
modelled after a cake of motted CASTLE soap.
Oue OIL tue trousers legs DaQ Deen dmpu'
tated below the knee, and the coat was sui.
fering from enlargement of the shoulder
blades. After one glimpse of Bills" new
suit the Edwards family gave it up. bill"
was evidently intended as permanent in.
Fiction They would do the best they could
under the circumstances, and make no fur
Their effort to accomplish the impossible.
Then, just when the dark clouds of de.
spair seemed to have settled down for good
over the Edwards family, bright CLEAN
of hope lighted up the horizon. At first
it seemed too good to be true. Then sud.
denly it widened, until from nadir to zenith
all was light, In the short space of two
months Bill" was transformed into Mr..
William Clarence Edwards, with his name
engraved on steel, his feet incased in patent
leather and his garments of the sartorial
model for a large section of the South
side.
Most people will jump to the conclusion
that a girl was responsible for this wonder.
full transformation scene. AS matter OF
fact a girl had nothing to do with it. An
accidental umbrella was the cause OF it all.
The Edwards family have a rich uncle