Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1901-05-27
WILL BE APPRECIATED,
A, Adjustable Hat Device Invented BY
New Jersey Man.
May 30 Of BoundIsss Benefit After q MIoh, m,
Ct Cetera.

| An inventive genius of n pract;ca,
frame of mind. who pays taxes dow,
In jersey. has perfected and patented
an adjustable had device whcrehv -
d, hat can be made to fit any sized head
from small GA. the size of s-cort
cocoanut. up to thinking dome 81 ri-
gantic proportions, Some one ~ onr
great men of which the world 10 fuII
once said: ne VINO could make hair
grow where hair never grew before
was public bencfactor," or words to
that effect. There is no question hut
F., that the man with the inflated mental
powers from the mosquito incubator
state is Il public benefactor and his
name should be placed high up near
! the top round of the ladder of fame
alongside Of Graham Bell of telephone
fame. and MarcOni Of the wireless teI-
cgraph, and i'm years to come. his
name will go laundering down to nos.
| teIity like canine with an empty tn.
matO can tied to his caudal appendare
What a boom this will be to the old
| timer who abscnts himself from the
parental roof once or twice a week sit
, ting up with sick friend until the
moon blinks, or like that prominent
New Yorker who was caught in n
gambling raid recently and excused
himself by saying he was looking for
hayward son. He came sailing home
in the morning three minutes ahead OF
the milk man and wanting his hired
girl to throw out a couple of dozen key
holes Of assorted sizes so he could let
himself in with his night key.
sleep with night mare attachment
in which the tiger is the prominent fig
ure, he rises with that dark brown
taste in his mouth full of good resolu-
tons and reform. He finds that during
his short nap his hat is puckered up
so ii will not fit over custard Gun
and he can't even get 1t on with the
aid OF shoe horn. Right here the Jer-
sey mans invention gets in its work.
All he has to do is to touch the button
and the hat device does the rest No
profanity. no throbbing thinking dome.
no pulling that rs hat down over an
S% ID. Webster brow until the sweat
leather cracks and the head feels as II
IT was in vice and had knobs on il
and every hair feel as big as the quill
the Declaration Of Independence was
s.gned with. and all the way down to
the office you feel like walking in the
middle of the road for fear of scrap
ing your ears on the side of some
building. But the coming of this new
invention you will begin to realize that
you are living in the Goth century and
a few high balls" more or less have
no terror for you. FOR the Jersey man
has solved the great problem of expan-
sion and contraction and now on arts
ing in the morning. after protracted
meeting the night before, or a meeting
of the committee on ways and means
where fortunes or the destinics Of even
kings and queens are determined by
the turning of single card, you let
out n loop in your adjustable hat and
it slides on like an old shoe.
'Tis true. that dark brown taste is
not wholly eradicated from the system
but a few allopath doses Of B. & S.
supplemented by n little of that fluid
that Ben Franklin secured with kite
in the thunder storm long years ago.
and you will find the sunshine and
shadows that chase each other over the
billowy fields are all coming your way.
You feel like old Atlas with the world
on his shoulders. and when Old Time
with his moving machine gathers that
Jersey genius home to his fathers you
will feel like forsaking your virtuous
couch when the spirit moves and walk
tarefooted down the thOrny path down
10 Jersey and place the laurel wreath
ON his brow