Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1901-06-13

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Why, of course not, Bobbie" well.
have always been afraid l should be
disappointed in it."-Life.
School ExamiDer-What is the mean
ing of false doctrine? Schoolboy-
Please, sir, it's when the doctor gives
the wrong stuff to people who are sick.
-Tit-Bits.
This Is an imposition. Your sign
says: Shoes Repaired While You Wait
and here I've been over two hours"
We'll isn't that waiting ?'-Philadel-
phia Times
Little to Say: Hell may be wrong,
of course, but always make it a rule
to say just what think. She-You're
not much of talker, are you?-Phila-
delphia Press.
The Significance: Gladys-Well, did
the fortune-teller say you would event
ually marry the count? Edith Sigh
ing)-Alas, no! She said l would
die rich.-Puck
Celestial Costumes: Husband-I Won
der what we shall wear in heaven.
Wife-Well, if you get there, John,
imagine most of us will wear surprised
looks.-Smart Set
Throat trouble, Ell? And you are
musician? Music is often very hard
on the throat. What instrument do
you play?" The bass drum, doctor"
Philadelphia Times.
Dunwell-I thought when you sold
me this dog you said he was q good
bird dog? Ike Clodhopper-He is; you
Jest try feedin him on fried chicken an
see.-Ohio State Journal.
Il hear there was doings at McGhool-
ighan's wake" "Doings? There wor
so many foine fights, me boy, rhot tn
wake was raypoorted in the spoortin'
column" Press.
He Pleads Not Guilty: Mamma
Fighting again? Why, a good little
boy wouldn't hurt a hair of another
boys head. Johnny-WelI, l didn't!
l just punched his nose.-Puck.
'What is it that will go down a stove
pipe down, and up a stovepipe down,
but won't go up a stovepipe up or down
a stovepipe up?" Give it up. What is
itT AN umbrella" -EXchange
Indignant Mother-George, if you had
a little boy who made himself as dirty
as you are, what would you do with
him? George (aged three, muddy from
head to foot)-I-Td wash him.-Ex-
change.
Crawford-Come around to the house
and have dinner, old boy. Crabshaw-
Not on your life. l brought you home
when you were drunk, the other night,
and your wife got a good look at me-
Town Talk.
Keen Observation: PEARL don't
believe the Van de Courtneys keep any
servants. Ruby-Why do you think
so? Pearl-Because you never see any
broken bric-a-brac in their ashbox.-
Chicago News.
Progress: How is you pergressin' in
yoh Shakespeare club?" asked Mr..
Erastus Pinkley Beautiful" answer
ed Miss Miami Brown. 81 shoIy is get
tin dis white folks dialect down fine"
Star.
Hardly Sympathetic: Policeman
Your husbands up the way; he was so
bad we simply 'ad to run i'm in. e
wants you to come up and bail i'm out.
Wife-Bale i'm out! Wy, amt you got
a OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES.
Sterling Qualities: Gotrox-I dis
my last butler because he got
drunk. New Butler-Well, you'll never
ave to discharge me hon that h'ac-
count, sir! HI could drink hall day
hand then walk a crack.-Puck.
Mean: Tess-When 1 met May to-
day had my new gown on. Naturally
l expected her to say something about
it, but she pretended not to notice it.
Jess-Yes, she's an awfully tender
hearted rl.-Philadelphia Press.
A schoolmaster recently received the
following note: Dear Sir-Please ex-
cuse my son Jack from attending
school to-day, as he has to be at the
funeral of his two aunts. will see that
it does not occur again. "-Tit-Bits.
Just as Easy and Cheaper: do you
90 away this summer" ''No; we've
taken smaller house, and we think
we can be just as uncomfortable at
home as we can in fashionable hotel
"-Chicago Record-Herald.
How It Looked: Farmer Greene
What's ole man Perkins son studying
fer to be at college? Farmer Axel-
grease-A missionary, I guess. He
keeps touching the ole man up fer ''in-
demnity' every week or two.-Puck.
Consolation: Mr.. Fondpar-Ask the
doctor to come to my house Immediate
~ My wife doesn't quite like the
baby's looks Norah-He's out, sure,
but don't yez worry-the homeliest
babies sometimes grow up quite good
looking Brooklyn Life.
Modern Journalism: | suppose that it
is necessary to know what not to
print?" said the inquiring friend. Ger
tho c1ToaoccfY1I a5ifo1,