The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-09-26

gigantic copper kettle" pointing to hi
 head, which, as you no doubt observe is two hundred and twenty feet in cir pure gold coins, each of which has {
 market value of seven quaddillions O
 dollars. Thus you see that I am fa
 from want. I therefore wish to assis
 MT. Mckinley in punishing the Span
 iard."
 That's a lot of money you've got,
 remarked the doorkeeper, as if stunt et
 at the immensity of the mans wealth
 But I'm afraid you'll need it all Le
 me tell you something-it's not general
 ly known yet-but at cabinet meeting
 held this morning it was decided tc
 raise the price of beef to s1xty-four sep
 tillions of dollars a pound, and every
 thing else, including bread, is to go ur in price accordingly"
 You don't say sol" exclaimed King Midas Golddust, with an alarmed look and tightly clutching his wolking stick
 he charged out of the gate as swiftly as his long legs could carry him. He never came back, either.
 A NSiy oiipl |, lldilt Wllli herculean shoulders and unsettled eyes, sailed up to the White House door under a full head of steam one morning while General Harrison occu- pied the presidential chair. He had so much momentum that two doorkeepers had difficulty in bringing him to a halt when he passed through the door, but they finally gave him the arm clutch on either side and politely asked him whither he was bound.
 "Sh-sh hissed the undersized man, placing his finger to his lips warningly. T just met Peter the Hermit down the street, and he told me I was shorter than Ben Harrison I want to see Ben and measure up with him. How many heads taller than Ben am I, anyhow?'
 Why" said one of the doorkeepers,
 you're so much taller than the presi- dent that you wouldn't be able to see him at all unless you lie down flat on the floor. Alongside of MT Harrison, you're a redwood tree of California compared to a dandelion."
 A look of great happiness crept into the short mans face.
 And so Peter the Hermit told me what wasn't SOP" said he wistfully.
 Sure thing" said the doorkeeper
 And I'm the tallest man that ever lived?"
 "If Goliah was on earth you'd make him look as if he'd stopped growing when he was four months old" solemn ly replied the doorkeeper.
 70 joy whish! whoosh! wheel" ex- claimed the undersized man, bubbling over with happiness, and out he went at jog-trot, nor did he ever call again for the purpose of standing back to back with the chief magistrate.
 Another eccentric who called at the White House during the regime of Gen. aral Harrison had his arms pinned to lis sides the moment after he stepped over the threshold, for he no sooner passed the door than his right hand travelled to his back pocket. It looked ike preparation for gun play, and the loorkeepers had him in no time. The nan looked greatly surprised over this reatment, and when the doorkeepers cit his back pocket and found that it no weapon they turned him pose and looked him over.
 What was your idea in going to that oclket?" inquired one of the doorkeep- rs.
 My motive," replied the man, ag far from being ulterior was urely philanthropie, I am informed trough the medium of the public press l, hat Mir Harrison is cold, cold man.
 brought this to him to enable him to arm himself up.' And he again | cached into his hip pocket and sol mnly brought forth tiny red flannel about two inches long by | n inch wide, which had probably been ashioned for advertising purposes by | lme underwear manufacturing estab- shment
 "Oh, all right, I'll take 1t to the pres lent" said the doorkeeper, accepting le present without smile, and the an went away contented. The door, eeper mustered up sufficient temerity , hand the tiny undershirt to Presi- ent Harrison that afternoon, explain g how he had come into possession of General Harrison laughed heartily } he held the bit of red flannel up be- re him.
 Well" said he i've always been ware that my stature Is nothing pro- gious, but I didn't know that they Id reduced me to these dimensions" It seemed as if all the female cronks
 the country wanted to see Mrs eveland in President Cleveland's first rm. A queer-looking little old wo- an turned up at the White House one orning, not long after Mds. cleve-S nd's installation as first lady of the nd. Her shoulders were shrouded in l old Paisley shawl, and In the ends of is shawl she had swaddled up little, II ny old, toothless and half blind skye rrier. Good morning, serfs," said the little l lady smiling pleasantly at the orkeepers, I'm Cleopatra, you low." The doorkeepers made Cleopatra a verence, and she undid the loose ends
 the shawl swaddling the aged skye rrier and showed the dog to them. { T thought I'd leave poor little Char ion with Mrs. Cleveland. you know" { i'd the little old woman, rather pa- { T am going to visit the { nbs of my ancestors in the Pyromids ( ortly, and the Pyramids are so damp | {
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