The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1901-10-04


Or chi!ls you with some fearful dread,
That YOU are doomed to die,
Then from the hnrrying mob will come
The cry Of "Rubber!'
Whatever the occasion be
1t matters not,
Some fool will find it apropos
To criticiSe your humble lot.
He has the sympathy
OF all hut you: SO he lets go
The cry Ct Rubber"
Brooklyn Life
-:o:-
Il was in the newspaper business one"
myself laughed the portiy party.
when I left college l decided that
| nothing but journalism would cater t.
the strenuous life that proposed to lead!
In looking over the situation, realized
thu; the Eastern field was too cramnc:'
fc: my swelling ambition, 50 l decided!
upon the free and bonndlcss West as the
only spot where my budding genius could
ventionalities of the effete East.
We'll. [ found small town in the
West where there Was no paper, and
proceeded at once to fill a long-feIt want
Soon after l had established my great
molder of opinion a lynching took place,
and fe!t that the situation called for
few burning words upon the subject.
=,
wherein | handled the outrage without
gloves. | cannot now recall what said,
except the end, which read something
like this: Gentlemen. think twice before
YOU again drag the name of our Dcauti-
full and future great city through the
mud
The edition containing my inspired
and burning words was hardly issued
when | had call from delegation O.
NV fellow citizens
What can l do for you, gentlemen: ?
l asked, realizing that l was facing a
| condition, not theory.
We've kim yere,' said the spokes-
man, to inform you that we don't take
no shine to that thar article Of yourn
bout lynchin'. Our first impression was
to bring rope along with us. but We re:
mcmbered what you said bout thinkin'
twice, SO we've jes' called to Lei you
know that we've had our first think.
Wen be yere again tomorrow
II took the hint and the first train out
of town. '-Detroit Free Press.
\ New Species.-'I would like to sell
you the entire works Of Omar Khay-
yam" began the book agent glibly;
they are the finest things that ever
breed O pigs t me- commented Mr..
Perkenlard, scratching his head dubious
ly. Are they ennything like Berk-
shres ohio State Journal.
When Senator Roscoe Conkling re-
signed his seat in the United State Sen
ate on account Of his quarrel with Presi-
dent Garfield Senator Thomas C.. Platt
promptly followed his example, and from
that day forward was known of all men
as Me Too" Plat, says the Chicago
Chronicle.
Senator Depew has in his collection of
curiosities certain telegraphic dispatch
which never fails tot interest the politicians
to whom he shows it. The telegram was
New York Central railroad, by Mr.. Plat,
shortly before the latter's election to a
second term in the Senate. 1t is dated
a few stations above Poughkeepsie and
reads:
..................... NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
Please stop the noon express here
10 take on Mrs. Platt and Me TOO.
II stopped the train gladly" Mr.. De.
pew says when he exhibits it. II am al
ways willing to do favor for man
who turns joke on himself"
"Isn't it mixed crowd?' asked Nine.
| dc Pompadour of Nine. de Stael, at the
garden party on the Styx.
Les, luueeu, Ulltle1y IeSpOIlucu AHIe
de Stael. But W hat could you expect :
All shades Of society are here."-Balti.
| more American.
The number of good stories that are
| floating about Forfarshire in connection
| with the late Provost Fyfe are legion
| One day, when he was only a bailie, he
was on the bench of the Burgh police
court. The first case called was that OF
! an old woman. who tOddled into court
with the utmost unconcern.
| "Weel, Janie:' said the bailie, flats
brccht ye here?'
| Officer of the court-"Please, yer hon,
or, she was caught stealing wood from
Ralmashanner plantation"
Bailie-"That Delangs to the toon
diSn't it?'
Officer of court-"Yes. your honor
Bailie-"Then things haze come to an
awful pass if we Gamma tax backfu
O sticks frae our ain plantins. Gae wa
wi We. man: are We no ashamed of yer.
sell? And Janet. ma wumman, whenever
We want ony mair sticks. just gang the
same gait and get them. Fats the warld
comm tae:'-Scottish-Am American.
Mrs. Gotham-"Don't you think those
| raised in the suburbs are apt to be more
tender than those raised in the city?''
| Mr.. Gotham-"Oh. don't know; that
chicken we had for dinner was raised r
the suburbs, dear. "-Yonkers Statesman
Wordsworth's lines of the child at play
las if his whole vocation were endless
imitation,'' were recently recalled by 4
conversation overheard in the chidren's
ward at provincial hospital.
A little girl. whose role was that VI
nurse, rang an imaginary telephone vi
the wall to talk to her companion at the
farther end of the room, who played the
part of doctor.
Halo" said the nurse. "Is that the
doctor?'
Yes answered her companion, in q
deep voice: this is the DOCTOR
This lady is very ill.," he was in
formed.
well. what seems to be the matter?'
"She has swallowed q whole bottle cl
ink said the nurse.
| The DOCTOR not Hurr;ed inouired WIS