The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1901-11-01
- Humorous Items. -

<~~~>~~~~~~~.~~~
& - Humorous Items. - &
Ode man dat's too willin' to PROMISE"
said Uncle Eben, makes mo- friends an
mo- trouble dan any yuthuh pusson on de
map."-Washington Star.
Neighbour saw the doctor call at
your house this morning. Is your father
very ill"' Boy-"Not yet. The doctor
only came today for the first time.
Carte Blanche.-His Daughter-.'I
can't go there without a chaperon." Mr..
Struckoyle- you get it, whatever
it is, and let 'em send me the b:l."-
Brooklyn Life.
Showing John Bull Around.-"And
what is this?' asked the visitor. This
is Wall street. It is the most celebrated
of all our American watering Places
Our Dumb Animals.
According to Partisan critic, the mod;
and ind i is Bound to I go. Sorry. The pictures
Of it are the most interesting things in
the magazines.-Chicago Tribune.
Mrs. Boerum (hopelessly)- Mortimer,
cannot make Willie mind"
Mr. Boerum (sternly)-"William, do as
your mother wishes, or I will make you
60 and sit in the cozy corner. '-Brooklyn
| Eagle.
They have q new way of testing the
of vry1i ISL nf
inject three drops into jack rabbit, and
| if he doesn't lick bulldog in six seconds
the goods are rejected.-Crary IN. d.
| Courier.
Miss Trust-"What would you say Of
a man who doe. nothing all the evening
! but make sleeps eyes!'
| Miss Behave-"I simply wouldn't waste
my time with such a muttonhead!'-
Smart Set.
A Queer Choice.-Towne-"I see a
Kansas college has elected woman to
it's chair of mathematics" Browne
Chow ridiculous! Why, there never was
woman who could reckon up her own
age correctly"
Schoolmaster-"Now tell me, what
were the thoughts that passed through
Sir Isaac Newton's !, mind when the ap'
brick."-Tit-Bits.
| Conclusive Evidence: ''Is she pretty? -
they asked Of the young man who was
speaking Of his fancee. "Well, I don't
want to boast" he replied, ''but she al
ways gets a seat on the street car
Baltimore American.
| Sizing Him Up.-shopman-"What
style Of hat do you wish, sir? Cholly
style; something to suit my head, don't
ye know" Shopman-"Step this way
and look at our soft felts.'-Tit-Bits.
Facetious diner Ito very tall and ex-
ccedingly procrastinating serytor)- 20!
more than one reason you might be called
a long waiter"
! Waiter-"Yes'r; I sometimes measures
half a day from tip to tip.'-Smart Set.
ing pie"
"How was it?''
What did she do?"
"She thanked me and ate it."-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
Mr.: Finnigan-"Phwat's that yez do
Miss Annabelle -"Cupid,
pa; The %; god of l ! ys , know NOV ,,
golf caddy. Judge.
Elderly Maiden tout rowing with a
| nOSSjh1o SnifOr and hor 1iff1o cicfor In
is frightened with the waves)-"Theo-
dora, if you are so nervous now, what
Little Sister-"Thirty-s I sup
pose."-Stray Stories.
Candid.-"Conductor," inquired the
timid old lady, faint you afraid o being
killed by the Electricity in these trolley
cars" "No, ma'am," said he, as he
pocketed four. fares and rang up only
two. I'm not exactly q good conductor"
philadelphia Press.
How He Won Her.-''Yes, it suddenly
dawned on her that she loved me-
"When did the revelation come to her?'
"Wben she noticed that I refrained from
! smiling the first time I saw her on the
| street in her new automobile coat
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"She has built house on the Hudson
and painted it gray and red: wish y999
could see it,: why, the architect tola
'Oh. but this IS her own idea-a combi-
nation of the Lady Jane Grey and the
Bloody Mary.'-Leslie's Weekly.
Paris Does Some Work.