The evening times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1902, 1901-11-23

1t was IN the pioneer days, when peo-
pie had either less sense of huEaor or
more reverence for dignities than they
have now. Perhaps it was both FamiI-
iarity with the scaIping knife does rot
tend to make people humorous.
A Methodist preacher who was going
the rounds Of a backwoods region arrived
at his place of entertainment. which also
served as meeting place for his congrega-
Jion, Oh Saturday night. The housewife
was just putting large dish OF succuIent
beans into the oven to bake The preacher
saw them with cleaning eyes, for ne was
very fond of beans.
Next morning they were done-it takes
all night TO bake beans in q brick oven
and he noticed just where she set the
dish, in cupboard near the door When
the time came for the service the preacher
set the table. which was his pulpit, on
the threshold Of this door. and the people
assembled gravely and decorously- He
rose. made his opening prayer, and few
preliminary remarks. Then ne gave out
the longest hymn he had been able to
ind in the hymn book.
you are singing this hymn I VIII refresh
myself
Then he opened the cupboard door and
helped himself to beans. And such was
the seIf-coutrol Of his congregation that
they sang that hymn demurely through
and never smiled q smile
Yes" said the mourtaineeT's wife,
r1lournfuIIy chats jes' like Matthew;
he jes' hatchery cayn't be considerate.
Now he's be eu and shot the fust stranger
that's been h. yere in six months before
I even knowed his anne"
Did you ever promise not to shave W
til your candidate was elected?" asked the
sweet young girl OF her college friend
"Er-welI. no. not exactly. think it's
foolish" replied the youth, blushing fUri-
ously- And when he looked at MS upper
lip in the mirror that night he wondered
if she could have been in earnest.
The Lady Who wanted to Do Good.
Once there was lady who had con-
suming desire TO do good in the world
She had an idea that the way to do this
was to join societies, SO she became 4
joiner She first joined the Society for
Teaching Oze Half how the Other Half
Lives. Then she proceeded to do the
teaching. She would sweep down into
the sIums of the East side and tell the
people how to cock oatmeal and porter
house steak. When they persisted in
preferring sauerkraut, picked pigs feet.
and patent boiIer-pIate pie she was hurt.
She said the poor were ungrateful.
Then she joined the Society for the Rec
oneiIiatOn Of all Religions. and that got
on very well so long as all the members
had a chance to talk. But by and by some
of them began to feel that others ought
to be suppressed. and the suppression act
was attended with ciavings and yowIings
and crashing OF teeth
Then she Joined a Society for the Indus
trial Education of the Poor. They tried
to teach the poor children of the great
cities discriminating, and set a French
man from province where they do moth
ing but make baskets. to teach them. But
he could not speak any English
chiIdren's French had been neglected. so
the enc of that was that the pupils got
tired and he Frenchnlan went crazy,
and everybody went home.
At last accounts this lady had joined
a Society for the Inducement Of Amicable
Relations between Cats and Dogs, and
was doing well.
'Do you think there is any way to re-
duee the corruption in the Third House p
Yes; abolish Congress-
whats the matter with this dialect
story?''
Nothing; only We forgot to label it,
and now we don't know whether it is Yam
kee. Canadian. creole, Sioux, PennsyIyan-
ia Dutch, OF pigeon English
General wheeler's New Job.
CAtlantal JorFnal.l
There is at least something practical
about the way General Wheeler cashes in
his hero chips He is now to be the head
of large firearms company
Election Day Equality.
fBrvan,s Comnsoner4