davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
WISDOM OF CURRENT FICTION.

A woman has need of a shcrp
tongue, since Providence gave her but
indifferent fists.-Joscelyn Cheshire.
As we grow older all life grows more
and more bitter-and we more and
more able to bear it.-A Woman for
Nothing.
Arguments are like birchings; only
those know their value who have
ceased to have any need for them.-A
Royal Exchange.
The history of many a woman's
tragedy could be summed up by the
mans cry of weakness. 81 need YOU
Stand by me!' = Another Woman's
Territory.
Poetry-and most of all amateur
poetry-stands for pain. Every line
of it spells woe. Either the writer, or
those living with the writer, could tell
tale.-Robert Orange
1t is sometimes instructive to look
back and see how Destiny gave us a
kick here, and Fate shove there, that
sent us in the right direction at the
proper time.-The Crisis.
Men VINO like neld sports are, as
rule, earnest, healthy, vivacious fell
lows, fond of good cheer, with a de-
cided leaning towards making the best
of verything,-At Loves Extremes.
All this outward show of holiness
failed to convince. 1t was like the
smell of musk, which hints of less de-
sirable scents to be overpowered
rather than cleansed.-S Christie
pher.
I suppose it is the browning futility
of sentimentalism to try to remem-
Der all the sunrises and sunsets of
ones heydays. 1t only adds to ones
late pathos in life to open his old al
bum and smile YEARLY at the souvenirs
that have grown meaningless. = A
Journey to Nature.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
aisle. In blank surprise and disap-

aisle. In blank surprise and disap-
pointment, Stuyvesant turned and
sought the porter
Miss Ray! Yes, sub. She done
got OFF at Sacramento, sub. Dere was
friends come to meet her, and took
her away in the carriage"
Once more Stuyvesant found him
self constrained to seek the society
OF the maiden of uncertain wears.
Her presence was forbidding, her
countenance severe, and her voice
and information something appalling
But she might know Miss Rays adj
dress; he could at least write his
thanks; but he found the vice presi-
dent of the Order of the Patriotic
Daughters of America in evil mood.
She didn't know Miss Rays address,
and in the further assertion that she
didn't want to know too readily be-
trayed the fact that her petulance
was due to her not having been
favored Herewith.
after all l did for her last night
and to-day 'twould have been
mighty little thing to tell where she
was going to stop, but just soon's
her fine friends came aboard she
dropped US like as if we weren't fit
to notice.
The irate lady, however, seemed to
ind scant sympathy. and support in
the faces of her listeners, some of
whom had long since wearied of her
strident voice and oracular ways. Tt
was well remembered that so far
from being of aid or value in caring
for the injured men, she had pestered
people with undesired advice and in
reference, had made much noise and
no bandages, and later. when an Of
cial of the company had boarded the
train, had constituted herself spokes-
woman for the passengers, not at all
to their advantage and much to his
disgust. Then. finding that Miss Ray
was looked upon as the only heroine
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
The EMPEROR Was Polite

A woman who is of high social distinction
in America was presented to the kaiser at
some dinner that was not attended with
royal state. She was talking to him when
she was offered famous German salad.
1t was handed on her right and the kaiser
was on her left, which put her in a predica-
ment. She did not dare turn her face from
the emperor to help herself to the salad.
The situation was too much for her. The
emperor, seeing the condition at glance,
looked at her for an instant and laughed,
as he said: "a kaiser can wait, but salad
cannot. Chicago Chronicle.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Tastes Differ.

Dealer-Here, madam, is horse l
can recommendation kind
Old Lady-Oh, [ don't want that sort
of horse. He holds his head high.
Dealer-Eh?
Old LADY, like a horse that holds
his nose close to the ground, SO he can
see where he's going-N Y. Weekly.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
A Joke on the Doctor.

Going into the free dispensary of the New
Women one afternoon physician found
three or four little girls who, while await
ing treatment, had evidently made friends,
aud were huddled together on one bench,
eagerly discussing something of great in
terest, which on investigation proved to be
a much handled Chunk of candy In as
constituent he inquired what they were do
ing. Some questioning finally elected an
explanation that Hde one what tells de big
gest lie wins it." "Oh," said the doctor, II
am ashamed of you. When 1 was little ike
you I never told lies" A slight pause, then
from the smallest girl: GIVE him de can
dy."-N. Y. Tribune.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Her Chance

Look at those two bad boys in the
river said Mr.. Markley, as they
crossed the bridge.
by the way, dear, that reminds
me-" replied his wife, "let me have
couple of dollars? I've got to get
pair of undressed kids. "-Philadel-
phia Press.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
The Doctors Joke.

He was horrid doctor, anyway, and no
gentleman, or he would not have been so
cruel to the fair young girl who sought his
aid. But even doctors are human and like
to joke.
Doctor she said, 81 am afraid this eli
mate is too severe for me- l have such a
great trouble breathing with my lungs
You would have a great deal more
trouble breathing without them,' replied
the cruel man, with loud, hoarse laugh.
The maiden shrunk from such wicked
man, and fled as though pursued by mouse.
Boston Herald.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Not Arfisffo

First Artist eeringly)-Dauber
evidently believes in painting the sort
of bosh the public wants, and not in
following art for arts sake!
Second Artist (deprecatingly)-Yes;
he believes in art for the stomach's
sake !-Brooklyn Eagle
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
How He Felt

She (after refusing im)-Er-do
you feel very, very uncomfortable?
He Observation-Disclosures? L
feel as uncomfortable as one does who
asks store clerk for some certain
article and is told: "We don't have
any call for that nowadays" brook
lyn Eagle.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
The Worst Yet,

Farmer Hayrake-Deacon Perkins
did get stuck awfully on his last New
York trip.
Farmer hiffletree-How wuz that?
Farmer Hayrake-Why, he took
down six O. those old gold bricks O.
his'n and snapped 'em off for $4,000
shares of oil stock.-Puck
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
SDnn,t Frpt,c

If you want to keep cool
Just follow this rule,
It's the best we have run across yet:
"All the 'Don'ts' that you find
Let in one be combined
Don't fret -
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Kept Busy.

On the lecture platform women
Of themselves oft make sights;
But the foot that rocks a cradle,
Never kicks for women's rights.
Chicago Daily News
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Protected.

Tommy (tearfully)-If yer don't
gimme back dem marbles yer fobbled,
I'll tell me big brudder.
Patsy-G'wan an tell him! He
dasn't do nothin'
Tommy-He dasn't? Why?
Patsy-He goes wit me sister. See?
Puck
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Debarred,

$50 Spudder's going to join your
fishing club, eh?"
mo. He heard that man had 20
be pretty good liar as well as
fisherman, to join"
"Weu?"
"Spudder can't fish" brooklyn
Life
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
DO Your Feet Ache and RurnS

Shake into your shoes, Aliens Foot Ease.
a powder for the feet. 1t makes tight or New
Shoes Feel Easy, Cures. Corns, Itching,
Swollen, Hot, Gallons, Smarting, Sore and
Sweating Feet. All Druggists and Shoe
Stores sell it, 25c. Sample sent FREE. Ad
dress, Allen S. Olmsted. LIE Row n Y
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Solving q Problem.

Zone of our troubles at the club"
said Cholly, 'has been to make the
waitahs distinguishable fwum the
membahs at our evening receptions.
But we've solved it a lawst."
"Ah!" remarked Kostick. "By get
ting intelligent-looking waitahs?"-
Philadelphia Record.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
The Wrong Thing

Parke-Yes, sir, if | had a wife who
was Christian Scientist, would leave
her in a minute.
Lane-What fool you'd be! Why,
the'd advertise it as cure.-Judge.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Two Classes,

The Music Teacher might settle
here, madam, if 1 thought 1 could OBJ
tain pupils enough.
She-You might prosper. There are
some here whose voices could be cult
waited.
The Music Teacher-And others, no
doubt, who would take lessons?-
Puck.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
ITO Be Continued
More Than the Wires Could stan

More Than the Wires Could Stand
First Telephone Girl-What's the
matter with all the wires?
Second Telephone Girl-Wires all
twisted together.
storm"
Nope. Russian ambassador in
Washington was speaking to the Rus
sian consul in San rancisco."-Syra-
cuse Herald.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Not Qualified to Speak.

Rev. Mr.. Doper (the exchange
preacher)-Deacon Elder, what do
you think of man who will sleep in
church?
Deacon Elder-You'l have to ex-
cuse me, Mr.. Doper. [ wasn't at
church last Sunday. You see, l heard
you were going to preach, ano-the
fact is, I'm apt to be sleepy myself now
and then.-Boston Transcript.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Honesty PAYS,

Jim-Honesty is der best policy,
arter all.
Bill-How?
Remember that dog 1 stole?"
"Yep."
"Well, I tried two hull days to sell
i'm, an no one offered more'n a dollar.
So l went, like honest man, an guy
him to tn ole lady what owned i'm, an
she guy me five dollars. IN. Y. Week
LIZ
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Looks SusniciOus

Is it a sign, or is it not,
AND one that needs attention due,
That, when the cashier buys yacht
He means to be skipper, too?
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Pro md Con.

I'd be hermit; sweet indeed 'twould be
To dwell where stiff, starched garb I'd
never see;
But, OH at eventide, 'twere dull, fear,
To have no soda fountain squizzling near.
Chicago Record Herald.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
nisuIaviu~ His CautiOn

81 noticed he was unusually formal
and circumspect IN his BEHAVIOR she
told her dearest friend, "and thought
at first I had offended him in some
way"
Had you?"
ooh, no. AS soon as Brother Willie
came in and got the photograph he had
inadvertently left on the table every
thing was all right again. Chicago
Post,
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Notice.

United States interested in the Opium and
Whisky habits to have one of my books on
these diseases. Address B. M. Woolley,
Atlanta, Ga, Box S87, and one will be sent
Won free
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
The Difference.

The bee stings once and then
May never sting again;
The slanderer, day after day,
In wanton malice stings away.
Chicago Record Herald.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Where He Was Efficient.

"Your son." said the teacher, "has
missed it on arithmetic.''
Eyes, G5l
mo good at spelling." -,
"Yes'' EsI%i
"A Ounce in history"
Eyes,
"And there's no good in him"
"Perfessor," said the farmer, "have
you ever heerd that boy cussin' of a
Georgia mule, under br'ilin' sun, in
ten-acre field ?'-Atlanta Constitu-
ton
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03

The owl, you know, was Minerals favor
lite bird"
Minerva? Thought it was Bacchus."
oh, no! You must be thinking of g
boiled owli'-Puck.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03

At the Funeral. Rigg-"Poor old Nudge.
He doesn't look like the same man." Tigg
No: And just listen to that eulogy. 1t
doesn't sound as if it were for the same
man, either" Baltimore American.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03

Il just dropped in to see if you wanted
any OF your wise saws sharpened,' said the
funny man. sa
No, we use our own files for that" re-
piled the editor-Philadelph Press.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Advantageous Terms.

II hear that you have compromised
your suit for damages against the P.
D. & Q. Railroad company"
"Yes.'
Acknowledgements"
"Very."
"What were the terrns?"
They paid my lawyers BILL
Town Topics.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03

Young Wife-Our marriage has not
been a happy as thought it would be,
and l didn't think it would.-Moon-
shine.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03

In quest of sleep my eyes l shut,
But fierce discomforts thrill.
/ bought it for a mattress, but
1t seems more like a grill.
washington Star.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
10000 MEN Wanted

To help harvest the wonderful wheat crop of
the famous Red River Valley along the line Of
the GREAT NORTHERN RAILWAY.
Low railway rates, good wages and chance
to pick up some Of the fertile farms still to be
had Write at once to F. L WHITNEY, G. p.
& T. A.. ST. Paul, MINI.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Human Inconsistency.

1.-THE world is too much with usr'
We quoth with weary sigh
Then, when we're not invited,
We sadly wonder why.
Puck
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03

Piso's Cure is the best medicine we ever
used for all affections of the throat and
lungs.-Wm. o. Endsley, Vanburen, Ind,
Feb TO- 1900
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Those Loving Girls.

Nell-Did you ever take part in
amateur thea tricals?
Bess-Yes, once. / took one of the
principal parts in Beauty and the
Beast!"
Nell-Oh, tell me all about it! Who
took the part of Beauty ?-Chicago
Daily News.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Fact in Fiction,

"Of making many books there is no end
This truth would be as maddening as it
looks
Did not this joyous fact it's succor lend:
One season sees the end of many books!
,oly
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
PrOmiaea

the more he doesn't keep.-Chicago
Daily News.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
KNEW OF 1T.

DR.. Al performed an operation on
Bornson yesterday.
DR.. B-Yes, L know; saw it in the pa
pers.
Ain the papers?
B-Yes; in the death notices this
orning.-Sondags-N
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
The Lightning Gossip Route.
"Well, that's quick work"
"What'S that?"

ga man from San Francisco told his
cousin in New York secret he hadn't
told his wife, and before he got home
in ten days his wife had letter from
his cousins wife, telling her all about
it."-Chicago RecordHerald.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
A Week OFF.

Head of Firm-I shall not be well
enough to be at the office for several
days.
. Clerk-Why, you look all right now,
sir.
Head of Fir1n-But I'm going shop
ping with my wife this afternoon
Harper's Bazaar.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Faith. If Was Sc

Faith, 1t Was SO.
When Pat Devne kissed Kate Magee
She was as mad as she could be,
But when he begged her, kate, be mine p
To er twas human to forgive Devne.
philadelphia Press
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1901-08-03
Had the Tools,

Check That Ugly Cough
With Hoxsie's Group Cure Noopium. so cts.
Cañon City record., 1901-09-19
ADJUSTMENTS.
The Denver Express.

The opera house was opened to the
public last Monday night by Holden
Bros. production, The Denver Ex-
press" The play was a good one,
having enough humor to make it very
enjoyable. The scenery was good.
showing up the Rocky Mountain coun-
try in good shape.
But what interested the audience
probably as much as the play. was
the new opera house. 1t is really .
dsndy-much better than the people
had reason to expect from any thing
that had been written or read about
1t. 1t 10 model opera house for .
small town and will attract the best
plays that come TO the state.
Cañon City record., 1901-09-19
Millinery Openings.

Tuesday was a gala day for the
ladies of this city, occasioned by the
display of fine millinery at the several
parlors. From early morning until
evening each parlor was crowded by
the admirers of fine headgear.
Mrs. Hurley was highly compli-
mented by her visitors over her dis
play, which was truly elegant, and
her immense sales attest the beauty
and worth of the hats and trimmings
on exhibition.
Miss Berney's parlor was perfect
bower Of trimmed hats, trimmings.
feathers, etc, and the visitors were
10th to leave so enchanting a spot.
Music added much to the pleasure Of
the day.
The Elite parlors, 12l South Fifth
street, opened its doors for the first
time, the Mesdams Minter and Ford
having lately arrived from Kansas
City. The display received most
critical examination and was well
praised
Mrs. Emma Payton's parlors wer 9
sought by all. and the lady attend.
ants were busy from early morning
until late in the evening. A full
orchestra was present and discoursed
sweet music, which seemed to inspire
the guests and added much to the
occasion.
Miss Bonwill, ll5 South Fifth was
not intending to put on display her
line OF trimmed hats and other articles
in which the ladies' delight, but q
host of visitors called upon her dur.
ing the day. Her millinery opening
Will occur on Tuesday next.
| Taken as a whole the displav wa,
the most perfect and beautiful ever
exhibited in this city, and the sales
by each is reported to be most satis.
factory. So great was the rush tina,
the openings" were really continues
during Wednesday.
Cañon City record., 1901-09-19

that move the gentler and better i'm
pulses, and it is also prolific with
more character and comedy bits
with dramatic Significance that
offers opportunities for the exercises
OF the actors legitimate art, than the
whole contemporary brood Of ma
chine-msde n,elo dramas and modern
farce comedies. While songs and
specialties are q part Of this play.
and up-roarious fun Is in full sway at
times. the blending Of sentiment is 30
perfect that the suthor gos, from
the. ridiculous to the rational and
vice versa unconsciously and without
. seeming inconsistency. In shsrt the
entertainment 10 said to bs o. enter
taising - well ~ elaborate one. in
Tie highest sense Of the term.
This play b BY the same manage
msnt ~ The Denver Express Of last
Monday night. II will 10 st the
opera house on Monday. Sept, 23d.
Cañon City record., 1901-09-19
THE STATE FAIR.

People of Canon City are not going
to cut the State Fair at Pueblo just
because the Pueblo Union didn't come
up here on Labor Day. We wanted
them to come, but since they pre-
ferred to go elsewhere that's their
loss. Then that's past anyway. and
sensible people haven't much time to
spend getting even."
We are all going to the State Fair
at Pueblo because it's good thing,
and Pueblo is in our part of the state.
Pueblo is neighbor town, the capi-
tai of the Arkansas Valley and ought
to be the capital of the state. It's
to our interest to build up the State
Fair at Pueblo in preference to the
Carnival at Denver.
What has the Carnival to do with
Canon City? Not "bloomin' thing"
1t can't help US in thousand years,
and only takes up the hard earned
savings of the several hundred peo-
pie who attend. The State Fair is a
local institution. 1t can be just as
much Cahon's as Canon City will make
it. 1t will be a big exhibition Of
stock, fruit, vegetables fact of
all products of the farm and garden.
1t gives Canon an elegant opportunity
to show up her wonderful products
of the soil. She can capture all the
prizes for fruit if she will. She might
also take most of the prizes for
poultry, horses and cattle. Then
there is even baby show, and there
are at least dozen babies in Canon
any one of which could get the grand
prize if entered.
Canon City ought to derive much
benefit from the State Fair. People
will be there who are interested in
agricultural Ssections. Many home-
seekers stop at Pueblo to study the
Arkansas Valley. Even Pueblo does
not know as much about the produc-
ions and resources of Canon as she
,hould. This fair gives US the oppor-
unity we have needed.
The Fair occurs from the 23rd to
,7th Of September, and we will all 90. !
Cañon City record., 1901-09-19
NARROW ESCAPE
From Instant Dsath--tienry Beach,
Wife and Daughter Severely In.
jured While Returning from
Cripple Creek.

On Wednesday afternoon of last
week while Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Beach
and their daughter. Mrs Stella Davis,
were returning from visit to Grip
Pile Creek they met with what might
have easily proven a fatal accident
They were driving along the toll road
and at a sharp angle in the road
about eighteen miles from this city
met team approaching from the op-
posite direction Mr.. Beach quickly
pulled up his team; there was NO
room to pass, and as consequence
the carriage was backed upon the
rocks and overturned burying the
three unfortunates underneath.
Mrs. Beach was seriously injured,
receiving a severe wound in the fore
head which laid bare the skull and an
ugly cut from the corner of the left
eye and extending down the cheek
under the eye. Another and proba-
bly, the most serious wound was at the
back of the head at the base of the
brain. Mrs. Davis was badly bruised
ana sustained several small cuts. Mr..
Beach had his left shoulder dislocated
and was otherwise bruised.
The accident happened about two
o'clock in the afternoon and it was
fully an hour before help could be OBJ
tanned and the injured ones removed
to the half way tollgate house. Here
a wagon was fitted up with a mat
tress and Mrs. Beach made as CON-
Portable as possible. 1t was eleven
o'clock at night when the party
their home at Canon City.
Prompt medical aid was rendered,
and at this writing all are recovering
nicely.
The escape from fatal results was
q miracle. 1t is believed that Mrs.
Beach will be able TO be about again
10 short time.
Cañon City record., 1901-09-19
In Love with Canon City.

L. B. Ksyser and wife, Of Fort
Scott, Kansas, has been in the city
for several days, and like every other
visitor they have fallen in love with
beautiful Canon City and her un-
equaled climate They have put in
q great deal Of time looking over the
varions fruit ranches and are strongly
tempted to locate here.
Cañon City record., 1901-09-19
a Barrel os Mossy.

Much has been said and written in
New York and other essterly cities
about the now American comedy from
the pen Of Herbert Hall winslow. en-
titled "A Barrel Of Money" to BE-
produced here next Monday night BY
Holden Bros. company. II 10 claimed
for this Barrel that II contains .
wholesome, homely and humane story.
sbounding in hearty touches Of nature
Cañon City record., 1901-09-19

KING EDWARD has ordered all
about the court Of England to wear
mourning for q week on account Of
the death Of President Mckinley.
This is the highest tribute 1t 10 pos
sibls for one great nation to psysn-
other. Never before in the history
Of England has mourning been worn
at court except for q member of the
royal family.