The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1901-03-22

| news dDcIS Ol une NOflu 800, OOU TO tell
about it, just in telegraph and cable
| tolls"
When the Shriners put through a
big class at Independence, the Reporter
helped the candidates by picturing a
derrick and gas well and candidates
being inflated with gas and flying in
the air.
The instructive horror of mother-in-
laws which is born in man seems iusti-
| fled in the case at Smith Center re-
Gently when mother-in-law shot her
son-in-law for coming to the house to
see his wife.
One of those dear souls who be-
lieves what ever he sees i'm his weekly
paper is writing to the Girard Press
y to prove that man may go TO heaven
when he dies. 1t looks so much more
convincing in print.
The Mail and Breeze says that the
placards for the show "a Hole i'm the
Ground" were scattered over Hutchin-
son, and in the window of a promi-
nent undertaken the ad. read: "Every-
body goes to a Hole in the Ground ~
y Chetopa girl picked up what
looked like So bill in the depot, put
1t in her pocket, told the agent her
name in case the owner showed up,
went home and found the "bill" was a
note which read: "Were you disap-
pointed ~
While Hutchinson News reporter
and an Oklahoma liar we're exchang-
ing thoughts, the latter informed the
former that he had been perfectly
bald, got the smallpox, recovered and
a fine growth of hair Immediately
started on his head.
Probably the worst interviewer i'm
the state is the Olathe Mirror man.
He declares that bright and happy
boy arrived in a certain family and
none certainly could tell about that
happiness without interviewing the
kid.
Neodesha Sun: After long drawn
out voting contest among lodges,
churches, ETC., committee today
awarded Il cottage organ to the lodge
of Modern Woodmen. They had 81 e
go votes. The next highest was the
Masonic lodges with 30, 70l votes
Luther Taylor u deafmute who began
his career in the Olathe asylum will
HlN'l III WV tltllN WIS 0tdNOl az N-UO
per month. A salary like that would
make some people dumb, and even
Taylor is believed to have heard that
money talk.
a Kansas man has disc overed that
brandy can be made out of wet saw
dust. Now a discouraged prohib-
zionist asks what chance a good cause
can have when man can go fourth
with a rip saw and get drunk on u
fence rail.
1t is gradually and sorrowfully
being realized by a number of Kansas
towns that tried to work Carnegie for
libraries, that his five million
gift to employees goes to those who
worked for him and not those who
tried to work him.
A Holton woman who has hot air
furnace and bath cabinet takes her
Turkish baths by setting the cabinet
over the register. 1t works all right
when she is sitting. He nearly cooked
her recently by stirring the furnace
fire.
At Whitewater, in Woodson county,
the rivalry between hotel porters is so
strong that after one took a travelling
man from the other, the defeated por-
ter shot his rival. The jealousy which
the travelling man arouses in the hui.
man breast-both SeXes-is astonish-
ing.
An Ottawa girl in London stood for
two hours on faucet projecting from
a building and leaned one hand on a
fat Englishman who stood near, bat
managed to get an excellent view of
Victoria's funeral. And the chances
are she'd have stood on the fat man if
necessary.
\ Howard man gets lots of cheap
fun watching the market reports and
betting in his mind. He picks out
stocks which he thinks are going up
or down, makes an imaginary play,
notes IL down, then watches results.
During the past year he lost something
over $500, 0O0-in his mind.
That Emporia man who boasts that
he owes his fine strength to having
eaten 200, 900 hot biscuits, now says he
threw VIM. Mckinley while wrestling
in his younger days. That explains
it. The reason the biscuits didn't
knock the Emporia man out was be-
cause they used their energy on
others.
Exchange: "The fact that am a
good musician" said the lady from
"a country village, ''was the means of
saving my life during the flood which
swept away a great part of our town
q few years ago" "How was that ?'
asked the young lady who sang, be-
coming intensely interested at once.
"When the water struck our house,
my husband got on the folding bed
and hoated down the stream until he
was rescued" "And what did you
do ?" Well, | accompanied him on
the piano"
Galena Times: To those who can
read between the lines, the following
announcement was found in to-day's
Topeka Capital: 1.-THE ladies of the
First Christian church will give "a
necktie social tomorrow night. Adj