The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1901-03-12

BENJAMIN B|KBY, P.D.F.
BY E. w. Cooley.
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OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
"And now, Ben Blxby." said l, sup
pose you tell me what have your hands
found to doY
He placed in my hand bit of bristol
upon which was inscribed, Benjamin
Bixby, z. d. F.. 2742 Greene street.
third Goor, telephone central 1S267."
"P. D. Fl" said |. rather puzzled.
Professor of decimal fractions"
Wrong; perpetuator Of domestic feS
lefty" And he grinned at my bewil-
derment
well" said l. slightly nettled, what
the deuce does that IMPLY
"The most noble occupation In the
world. the greatest boon ever bestowed
upon mankind; my own idea, my own
conception the worthy child Of my
great, throbbing heart and my keen,
observing intellect Ii has worked Il
reformation In the family circle and
called down the blessings of humanity
upon Benjamin BlXby, sir"
Explain yourself" said inpatient
ly.
"For ages the private life Of busy
men-Of men of great mental energy
has been rendered more or less unhap-
DIV by diSsensions In the household
caused, unfortunately, by the busy
mans forgetfulness. Simple and I'M
important matters intrusted TO his care
By his wife--the matter of mailing a
letter, ascertainlng railroad connec-
lions, sending n man to fix the furnace
and other commissions Of like charac-
teri have slipped his memory, burden
ed as it was with mightier affairs.
These little omissions have caused
many a heartache, many tear, many
a hasty word; yea, too often they have
been the entering wedge which finally
split asunder the happiness of the
home.
"These unfortunate circumstances
came early to my attention. No doubt
you also noticed them years ago, but
perhaps your heart does not throb so
cOmpasslOnately for bleeding humanity
as does Benjamin Bixby's. At all
events, determined to discover some
plan of rlghting the evil. for believe
every i'll has remedy.
"This resulted in my adopting my
present occupation. which from the be-
ginning has been commended by those
whom il was designed to benefit. My
success has been wonderful Hun
dreds Of the most influential citizens
of this mighty metropolis look upon
Benjamin BiXby as a gOdsend." And
the perpetuatOr of domestic felicity
rubbed his hands again and grinned.
You talk in riddles" said |.
"On the contrary" he replied moth
ing could be more simple. remind my
patrons Of that which has slipped their
memories. How? Well. we will sup
pose that in the evening after dinner,
while Mr.. Richard Roe is scanning
his favOrite paper in his drawing room.
his wife suddenly observes: i wish you
would send a man to fix that range,
Richard. 1t smokes dreadfully. And,
oh, yes, want you TO step into the
bank and purchase n draft, and don't
forget to secure seats for the opera
Thursday evening"
"NOw. In the old days Mr.. Roe would
have trusted to memory, faithfully
promised his wife to attend to the mat
md fhnn i'm nln6i-
ately proceeded to forget them entirely
But advancement is the demand of
the hour, and all this domestic trouble
is now entirely avoided, thanks TO the
intellect and great throbbing heart of
Benjamin Bixby, z. ID. F. And my
friend of former days beamed enthusl.
astlcally upon me.
"No more does Mr.. Roe trust to
memory or memorandum. While the
matter is on his mind he steps to the
telephone and calls up central lS2GI
which instrument Is In my office, as
you will observe by reference TO my
card
zone Of my assistants answers his
ring. and Mr.. Roe gives the following
instructions over the wire: Make mem
northumberland ROe-man to fix
range-purchase draft-tickets for OPP
era on Thursday evening My as
sistant makes the memorandum, re-
peats il to Mr. Roe. and that gentleman
returns to his paper, blissfully conf
dent that his attention will be called
to the various matters in the morning.
"And 80 II is. In my Office is a rec
ord which gives all the necessary infOr-
nation regarding my patrons. Therein
Is recorded Mr.. ROe's name, the num-
Der of his residence, the location Of his
office. the car he takes In going to his
place Of business and the hour he gen.
orally arrives there. Thus, when Mr..
Roe allghts from the car In front OF his
Office on the following morning. one
Of my uniformed messengers places In
his hands a copy Of the memorandum
which he telephoned the previous even
ing. Thus his attention Is called to his
wife's commissions They are attended
to, and no discussions take place In
Mr.. Roe's household.
"FOr the service Of myself and as
sistants charge Of course a small fee,
payable monthly. That, sir, is my mis-
sion-tbat Is the noble work my intel
lect has found to do" And Benjamin
Bixby, 2. d. f., bowed himself out OF
my presence. Chicago Tribune.
The Destruction of Dignity
"You managed to laugh very heartily
4fo4 nfooa Of thf fhQQfOr