Richmond daily palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1876-1904, 1901-12-06
ONE ON THE DENTIST
HIS ADVERTISING SCHEME WORKED
LITTLE TOO WELL
II Brought Down Upon Him About
the Coolest Customer He Ever En-
cOuntered and the Customer Got
Long Way the Best of 1t.

I'm through with freak advertising"
said the young dentist. I've had my
fling at trade secured through illegitimate
tricks. and I've sworn off from further
cultivation of the public in ways that are
dark
1T was about six months ago that |
first resorted 10 irregular methods of Sc
curing patronage. Things were going
fairly well with me then. but l made up
my mind that l was entitled to still more
business and in order to secure my just
deserts awaited myself of one of those
idiotic advertising schemes. | wrote let
tiers to total strangers whose names had
been picked up haphazard out of directo-
ries and newspapers and inclosed bills for
services rendered. These letters were all
modelled on the same copy. In them |
suavely expressed my hope that the Gus
pids and bicuspids of my unknown pa
irons had been in good condition since
last treated them. and l generously suS-
gested that if they SO desired ! would be
pleased to have them call and undergo
final dental examination as a guarantee
OF thorough satisfaction before the pay
ment of the inclosed bills. which ranged
from SO to $50.
'.Of course l never expected to get any
money out of these bills. My object in
sending them was to arouse curiosity
among the fictitious debtors. who. having
never even heard of me professionally or
otherwise, would naturally be anxious to
find out something about me and the
strange circumstances of their unmerited
bills | had pursued this plan for about
four months with tolera BILE success. when
i sent out a bill and the stereotyped let
ter to a man who lived on West Twenty
third street and may be called Whitman
for the purpose of the story His bill was
for $25. That letter. like all the others.
was only stray shot fired at very elu-
sive target. and the chance of getting
reply was only one in a thousand. In that
particular case the long shot won. and
two days after mailing the letter | was
honored with a call from Mr. Whitman.
He had decidedly strenuous manner. and
his opening remarks fairly swept me off
my feet.
Hello. doc he said briskIy. Il got
your letter yesterday. and | was mighty
glad to see that you are disposed to be so
accommodating about that work you did
on my teeth last week The fact is you
did an Internally poor job The plugs
have all fallen out already. and You war
ranted them for ten years. That being
the case. its nothing more than common
justice that you should fix me up again.
l had intended to kick against paying
your BILL but since you are willing to rec
tify your mistake. why. III give you an
other trial. and if you do all right the sec
ond trip I'll pay you the $25 without a
murmur.'
Il stared at Mr. Whitman in amaze
ment. Quite certain was | that never be-
fore had ] met the gentleman. and conse-
quently was positive that I had never
plugged his teeth. On the impulse of the
moment / said as much.
".My dear sir gasped. you must be
mistaken in your dentist. l have no rec
objection of having done any work for
YOU
MIR. Whitman glared at me ferocious-
". oh. ho.' he growled. so you are going
to try to deny your butchery. are you?
You're going to try to put II off on some
body else, you? Well. sir. you can't
do anything of the kind. Fortunately I've
got your bill right here to prove that you
and nobody else did it. II you didn't tin
ker with my teeth. you have no business
to send me bill for dental services. But
you did send me bill, and for SO. too.
so you can't go back on your own work
Without q doubt Mr.. Whitman was
the coolest customer | ever met Ii he
had not been quite so brazen. | think |
should have had the audacIty TO insist
that there was some mistake. and |
should have trumped up some explana-
ton that would have seemed half way
plausible: but. as it was. his nerve far
exceeded my own and his high handed
attack SO thoroughly undid me that for
the life of me ! couldn't muster the cour-
age Ia invent one single lie. He saw his
advantage and followed il up boldly
Il N ready for you to go TO work right
now be said. and / see that you have
no patients waiting and can soon be
ready too We may as well get at II
straight eff. | always like to get q disa-
greeab job over with as soon As posi-
Bile
As the gentleman delivered himself OF
this biz Of wisdom he pumped himself
down in the operating chair and opened
his mouth to ny inquiring gaze. The hrst
look amazed me. | never saw such q set
Of teeth Clearly somebody had been
peExing away at them and quite recently.