The weekly examiner., 1901-05-25

HAT TO PUY HIM sEFEN PEER. und pump in two hoonered barrels of water. Only one small box vhas on fire, und he don't damage me cents, but in der morning dot plumber comes oafer und looks around und says:
 "Vhell, cobbler, you haf struck him at last"
 ''How vhas I struck?" says.
 Right between der eyes. Dot fire vhas sooch a piece of luck dot you vhas a rich man in four weeks. Now vhas your time to start in init a big fire sale It vhas all in der papers dot der flames scared through your shop und busted out der windows und bill lowed across der street, und peoples vhill come und look for bargains. Why, man, one day some shavings took fire in my cellar und made a leetle smoke. und haf fire sale of bathtubs. I sells ten in one week. You shust wait till put cop a sign"
 In half an hour dot sign vhas cop. He reads dot owing to some fire f1ends der German cobbler vhill hold der grandast sacrifice sale of der twenti- eth century, und it makes me feel good 
 der back und shakes hands, und I don't hardly haf some breakfasts when a man come in und says:
 ssVhell, vhell! So dis yhas der work of der fire fiendsY'
 ''She vhas." says.
 ssDer red tongues of flames scared right through your shop, eh?"
 4.He did.''
 ssUnd busted out der windows und billowed across der streetY
 t'Shust like dot.''
 Ut must haf been some magnificent spectacle. Why don't you come around und wake me cop und let me enjoy it? ''How do know where you lifs?"
 ''Und you don't know me after haf got three cement patches on my shoes in six months! Dot proves how leetle you vhas interested in your customers, und don't like him at all. If 1 vhas some woodehucks, it vhas all right, but if I vhas mans like people to re- member dot 1 vhas on earth. Cob bier, go py Halifax init your fire sale! If haf to walk one t'ousand miles for my shoe pegs, don't puy of you no more.'f
 He goes oudt und a second mans comes in, und dot second mans looks around und says:
 "Cobbler, when you vhas awoke py der smell of dot death dealing smoke, how vhas it init you? Did you seize your unconscious wife in your arms und dash for der nearest window?"
 'I don't belief so," says.
 ''Vhen you heard der crackle of der destroying flames und felt dot death vhas near, did you pick cop your leetle baby und attempt to dash out py der roof ?"
 ''I guess not"
 "Cobbler, when dose red tongues of flames scared through your shop with misses like ten t'ousand serpents, did you ask heafen to give you strength to save the lives of dose dear to youY'
 ''No; shust got on my clothes to let der fremen in.''
 tsUnd you don't burn off your eye brows und hair to safe your dear onesw
 '.No. Dose dear ones can go oudt py der back door in two seconds"
 ''Cobbler, you vhas a hog und a will lain, und I don't puy nottings of your fire sale if go barefoot all my life."
 Der next man who comes in haf a book und pencil in his hand, und he takes some looks around und says:
 "Serpentlike tongues of flames, bill lows of der destroying element, scene of destruction und desolation. Had der firemen been one minute later all would haf been lost. Cobbler, I esti- mate der damages at $3,5OO, und shall collect your insurance for 20 per cent .''
 'But my loss vhas only cents," I says.
 1sHai"
 ~sUnd I don't haf some insurance ei- ther.''
 "Ha! I see. Vhell, maype it vhas not so bad ash 1t looks, but I vhill take a glass of beer init you"
 'I can't puy you some beer today" I says.
 "Oh, you can't? You belief can come in here und spend an hour of my walu- able time und you don't eafen treat me to a glass of beer. Cobbler, you vhas a two legged old swine, und if you look two ways at me I shall punch your head. Dot fire sale vhas some big frauds, und I shall go right oudt und tell der peoples about it."
 When he goes oudt, my wife says we shall haf some rows if don't take dot