The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1901-02-26
BENJAMIN BIXBY. P.D.F.
By E. W. Cooley.


"And now, Ben Bixby," said I, Sup
pose you tell me what have your hands
found to dor
He placed in my hand bit Of bristol
upon which was inscribed, benjamin
Bixby, P. D. F., 2742 Greene street.
third floor, telephone central 1921"
zap. D. F.T' said 1, rather puzzled.
Professor of decimal fractionsT
Wrong; perpetuator Of domestic fe-
lefty" And he grinned at my bewil-
derment.
WELL" said 1, slightly nettled, what
the deuce does that implyT
1.-THE most noble occupation IN the
world, the greatest boon ever bestowed
upon mankind; my own idea, my own
concepion-the worthy child Of my
great throbbing heart and my keen,
observing intellect. It has worked a
reformation in the family circle and
called down the blessings of humanity
upon Benjamin Bixby, sir"
Explain yourself" said inpatient
~.
"For ages the private life Of busy
men-of men Of great mental energy
has been rendered more or less unhap-
py by discussions in the household
caused, unfortunately, by the busy
mans forgetfulness. Simple and I'M
important matters intrusted to his care
by his wife-the matter Of mailing a
letter, ascertaining railroad connec-
tons, sending a man to fix the furnace
and other commissions OF like charac-
ter-have slipped bis memory, burden
ed as It was with mightier affairs.
These little omissions have caused
many a heartache, many a tear, many
hasty word; yea, too often they have
been the entering wedge which finally
split asunder the happiness Of the
home.
These unfortunate circumstances
came early to my attention No doubt
you also noticed them years ago, but
perhaps your heart does not throb 80
compassionately for bleeding humanity
as does Benjamin Bixby1s. At all
events, 1 determined to discover some
plan OF righting the evil, for believe
every III has a remedy.
This resulted In my adopting my
present occupation, which from the be-
ginning has been commended by those
whom it was designed to benefit. Ny
success has been wonderful Hun
dreds Of the most influential citizens
Of this mighty metropolis look upon
BENJAMIN Bixby as a godsend." And
the perpetuator OF domestic felicity
rubbed his hands again and grinned.
"You talk in riddles" said L
ION the contrary" he replied, moth
ing could be more simple. remind my
patrons Of that which has slipped their
memories. Howl Well, we viii sup
pose that in the evening after dinner,
while Mr.. Richard Roe is scanning
his favorite paper In his drawing room,
his wife suddenly observes: I wish you
would send a man to fix that range,
Richard. 1t smokes dreadfully. And,
oh, yes, want you to step into the
bank and purchase a draft, and don't
forget to secure seats for the opera
Thursday evening"
''Now, in the old days Mr.. Roe would
have trusted to memory, faithfully
promised his wife to attend to the mat
tiers on the morrow and then-imnsedi-
ately proceeded to forget them entirely.
"But advancement is the demand Of
the hour, and all this domestic trouble
is now entirely avoided, thanks to the
intellect and great throbbing heart Of
Benjamin Bixby, P. D. F." And my
friend Of former days beamed enthusi-
astically upon me.
mo more does Mr.. Roe trust to
memory or memorandum. While the
matter is on his mind he steps to the
telephone and calls up central 1S267.
which instrument is in my Office, as
you will observe by reference TO my
card
zone Of my assistants answers his
ring, and Mr.. Roe gives the following
instructions over the wire: Make mem
orandum-Richard Roe-man to FIX
range-puchase draft-tickets for op-
era on Thursday evening" Ny as
sistant makes the memorandum, re-
peats 1t to Mr.. Roe, and that gentleman
returns to his paper, bnssfully conf
dent that his attention viii be called
to the various matters In the morning.
"And 80 1t is. In my office Is q rec
ord which gives all the necessary infor-
nation regarding my patronA Therein
is recorded Mr.. Roe's name, the mum.
Der OF his residence, the location Of his
Office, the car he takes In going to his
place Of business and the hour he gen.
orally arrives there. Thus, when Mr..
Roe alights from the car In front Of his
Office on the following morning, one
of my uniformed messengers places In
his hands a copy Of the memorandum
which he telephoned the previous even
ing. Thus his attention is called to his
wife's commissions. They are attended
to, and no diasensions take place In
Mr.. Roe's household.
For the service Of myself and as
sistants charge Of course small fec
payable monthly. That, SIR, Is my mis-
sion-that is the noble work my intel
lect has found 10 do" And Benjamin
Bixby, P. D. F., bowed himself out q
my presence.-Chicago Tribune.
The Destruction of Dignity.
"You managed to laugh very heartily