West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-07-04
ANGWOOD PRESTON COUNTY, WEST THURSDAY JULY 1901
MR.. BOWSER
TRIUMPHANT.
He Buys IA Patent Fire Escape aud
Scores an Overwhelming Success.

left package az the house. and Mrs. Bow
ser ovcrhaulcd Il TO find that il was some
sort OF patent fire escape When he ar.
rived, he knew 10y the look on her face that
she was ready to raise objections. and he
wisely kept clear OF the subject until dinner
was over Then he softly said
Mrs. Bowser happened to run across
a good thing today aud sent IL home
Yes, know, she replied 1t is the
third or fourth ire escape you have In.
vested in and found to be all nonsense
The last one gave YOU fall that kept YOU
home for a week. II you want to break
your neck, why not jump from :he roof and
have done with ita'
My dear woman will you listen TO mc}
We are not sleeping over volcano exactly
but any night in the year we may be arous.
ed from sleep TO find ourselves hemmcd i'm
oy the hery flames In such an event we
must leap from window and meet death
in another form"
We should smell the smoke long before
the flames got up stairs
we might and we might not It is my
duty however to take precautions With
reliable fire cscaps in our room we need
have no fear whatever. II is true that
have brought home escapes that did not
work satisfactorily but have now found
the right thing and shall proceed TO put Il
up and test il. Even IL you arc tired of
life and would be burned IN your bed IL is
my duty to prevent IT,"
We'll, IL you are determined to- break
your legs cannot help it sighed Mrs.
Bowscr
MY dear. dear woman there will bc no
broken legs" he bandly replied The
thing is as simple as taking OF your hat.
simply sit on seat and lower myself
down I'm absolute safety. II Is bound to
work. I'm case the scrpcntlikc tongues OF
flame were darting about our bedroom
could lower us both to the ground inside OF
90 seconds. The cook. being at the top of
the house would naturally perish but that
is OF course included in her wages. Can't
you feel that IL is your duty TO encourage
me in taking proper prccautionsp"
1T is only another OF your fads.. Mr..
Bowser' II rs q wonder that some one has
not sold you a balloon before this. Go
ahead, however. III get arnica and ban
dages ready and telephone the doctor that
we shall have need of him directly"
MIR. Bowser continued to preserve his
bland and quiet demeanor instead of shout
ing Woman" J" at her and jumping on his
hat. He picked up the bundle and asked
her TO step up stairs and see him adjust the
escape and when he had screwed a hook
into the window casing he stood back and
softly said
There Is the ne plus ultra. Mrs Bowser
We will now imagine that we are buried In
slumbcr at midnight Before going to bed
the cook poked half bushcl OF live Goals
out on the kitchen floor and let them lie.
After several hours they burst into flame.
and draft sends them swriing up the
stairways and into our room We awake
TO find ourselves in q fiery embrace What
do we dof'
we walk down the back stairs" she
replied.
But we don't. The flames arc pouring
up front and back. You naturally utter a
few shrieks, gallop around the room and
then faint away do not lose my head.
! am calm and cool. remember that the
most reliable fire escape thus far invented
is attached to the window, and without
undue haste pick you up, place you on the
seat and lower you on the ground One
minute and ] stand beside you. Our home
is speedily reduced to a blackencd ruin.
but we have been savedswithout a scratch.
Have you any remarks TO make Mrs.
Bowserf'
"Only that the police will lug you into
the house with a broken back II you insist
on fooling with that contrivance."
There is where you make mistake.
] will now remove my coat and vest and
prove the truth OF all my assertions. You
will observe that raise the lower sash to
its full height Then swing the seat out
so. The next move Is TO grasp this rope
with both hands and prepare for the
descent"
Mr. Bowser for heavens sake. don't"
she exclaimed
There is nothing whatever to worry
about. my dear woman he smilingly rc.
piled Il couldn't be safer in rocking
chair down stairs
But the ropes will break or something
will happen.
"rhe ropes will not break. and nothing
will happen, except that shall sink TO the
ground below on the wings Of a bird
Please note the performance Here / 20"
lie went. lie pulled on the rope aud
lifted himself over the SILL and after swing.
lug 10 the air for few seconds he began
lowering away The trick was neatly per.
formed. lie reached tie ground without
the slightest hitch, and number OF boys
who had gathered on the sidewalk To wit
ness the performance checrcd him heartily.
After bowing his thanks be elevated him.
self to the window and swung In and said
to Inc trembling and astonished Mrs
Bowsor
This is another Of my fads. YOU know
and what do you think Of its"
It-it doscnt seem possiblcr she
gaspcd
Neck all right legs au right no broken
back. will now make descent accom-
panied by the cat
Before the feline could get away or Mrs
Bowscr interfere he had her on his lap and /
was lowering away and this time there /
was a crowd Of half hundred people 10 /.
cheer him. As ho stood smiling and bow /
ing policeman came forward and said
'Say. now, but you are cool man and /
deserve lots Of praise
Thanks"
No danger Of sou or yours being burned /
with che house. You are man with 4
head on you and your wife ought TO feel /
proud and happy. Some men don't know
a fire escape from pound OF sugar. but 4
you arc not one to be fooled Boys. give /
the gcntlman three cheers and tiger
Mr.. Bowscr took ono OF the gamins on
bis knees and ascended and dccended \
half dozen times TO show how safe ard