Sunday morning globe., 1901-12-01
HINTS FOR Washers.
Our Sidewalk Sketch Artist Gives
Some Tips
TO AID DIGESTION.
How 10 Entertain Your Gld and Make Her
Understand that You Are a Conversational
Isl and Up 10 Snuff.

This is the season wnen the Avenue
Stroller takes Miss Elegant out for a
turkey dinner. She, be it known, is
"loohn' good just now. She wears
one OTTO describe it with my limited
millinery knowledge-those Mexican
sombreros minus the peak, a white
plume ornamenting the center. Miss
E. tells you, with pardonable pride.
the trimming Of that hat is her own
handtwork. Her garments too, are a
mt, and you entertain a faint idea that
an adept in one direction might be pro-
hcient In another but then l learned
long since that men mustn't ask fool
questions regarding ladies' apparel.
AS | was saying, the proper course
to pursue is to meet Miss Elegant on
the upper avenue, as she returns from
the matinee. You learn, via telepathy
or intuition, what day she will attend.
Having caught the hare, you
repair to one of those numerous din
ing rooms where they serve a regular
dinner for % cents ana upward. /
would give Names to make my receipt
more complete, only | do not care to
trespass on the providence of the ad-
vertising agent.
The girl Of to-day; in whatever sta
ton of life she may walk will tell you
that the average man Of her acquaint-
ance is a very poor talker that he soon
exhausts the stock Of pet phrases at
his tongues enu, with the result that
it becomes incumbent upon her to
carry on the conversation. To remedy
this evil, will, with The Globes con-
sent, endeavOr to outline a few point,
without copyright attachment, for the
benefit Of the swain.
Select a dining-room where the help
is white female instead of black male.
The darkey is liable to get gay and in
terpOlate remarks, in anticipation of a
tip, about when you were in here
last'-something altogether uncalled
for and warranted to produce an ele-
walton on the eye lashes on the part Of
Miss Elegant.
After giving the order all the atten-
tion of the lady TO a placard on the
opposite wall, reading, Breakfast, z
to II; lunch, y to 2; dinner, to L"
and follow with the joke about the jay
from Jayville, who complained after
reading that sign, that he would have
no time left in which to take I'm the
sights Of the city.
Next, spring that one about the dude
pushing the Notwithstanding
the action to the word-toward his lady
fair with the remark Sweets to the
sweet" when she retorted by gathering
up the spoons and passing them over
to his side of the table with Spoons
to the spoOny."
BY this time the biscut-Dusher, a
, striSingly handsome blonde, has ar
rived with the order, ma the next
| joke on the programme is the one
about the tramp, who, being asked IL
he would take light or dark meat, ans
wered both"
Silence for a few moments, and
when the coffee comes on you tell a
story of a little nostelry i'm the West,
the proprietor Of which was put to con-
siderable annoyance by couples from
a neighboring ely coming to his hotel
and registering as man and wife. One
day Mr.. r., we will call him, put in
an appearance with dream i'm black
silk After the first meal the head Of
the house took his guest to one side
and inquired:
How long have you been married."
Just two years and four months.
! married on the 7th Of September" was
the reply.
He had his dates down pat. Next
morning at breakfast, the proprietor
strolled through the dining-room in
quired at the several tables, after the
comfort Of his guests, AS he stood
near Mr.. RS table that gentleman
passed the sugar bowl over to his COM
) panion.
"NO, thank you" was her response,
81 never take sugar in my coffee"
An hour later Mr. r. was sum.
moned to the hotel Office
did it take you,p said the propri-
. etor, two years and four months TO
find out that your wife did not take su-
gar in her coffee?"
Next you trot out a table-leg story.
: gentleman from the East took Hor-
! ace Greely's advice and located in the
/. intermOuntain country, Prior to his
departure partnership had been
formed with a boyhOod friend and let
ters from No. 1 were always read with
interest by No, 2. In one OF them
which contained a request to join his
partner IN his far Western home he
} said, while he had not been able to
J strike 1t rich, he would not take $4,000
! for the legs Of his dining-ro~-l table.
Overhill and vale, as our Eastern friend
) iourneyed toward the setting sun, this
sentence rang in his ears. The valley
OF the Yellowstone, he knew contained
valuable timber; surely not worth as
much as this, Perhaps they were the
p first bars OF copper-perhaps silver
that his pal had mined, and he was
saving them for a souvenir.
At a little station on the Union Pa
cifc early one morning, he lett the
trail Of the iron horse and climbed
? the mountainside, as directed, to a
lonesome shack. His partner and his
wife were seated at dinner. They had
no dining-room able. They we're par
taking OF modest repast on board
spread from knee to knee"
2 Follow these instructions and, with
] practice, you may be enabled to con-
S vince your Miss Elegant you are an
! entertainer Of no mean ability
4 II. S. SUTTON.