The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1901-11-20
POrtman Letter.

=
this letter Il public correspondence, 10
forcwarn those who need to be fore
armed HS news EatlIcrcrS; and also to
acIuaint them with the climax that
may terminate their best effort for the
publ" good. beyond this phlan-
thlopic purpose. the communication is
personal, as Il correction OF Il mistake
III last weeks letter and one which fills
the correspondent with humiliation
i he letter, perhaps, ought to be pub
llslicd for the benefit of those school
children who are cndcavOring to make
th0sc IOrtnan figures work put right.
The children might labor through ctcr-
nifty and find no nearer solution to the
problem, because it had no beginning
except in the finite brain OF the CORES
pOndcnt, who must confess now to an
interchangeable ignorance Of figures
that is appalling.
The day following the appearance
OF Tie INTELLIGENCEH the engineer at
I'Ortniaii discovered where dwelt the
Anderson correspondent. He pcremp-
torily enquired: "Do you know who
wrote that Portman letter last week
for the Anderson Intelligcncer9"
~" replied, q great wave Of pride
swelling up in my heart and over
whelming MI lesser ambitions.
"Do you know who sent in those
dam figurcs?r :.
Echo answered a." with the same
magnitude Of ovcrawing responsibility,
my hand on my heart.
'Do you know said he, "that you
don't know any more about figures
than ghost does about Christmass"
lreplcd that my acquuintanceship
with the sect was limited. but
"But," said he, "you don't know any
thing about corresponding for IL paper,
either"
now thought that lie accredited my
last etfusion to divine attatus, and was
not willing to allow me any claim in
tho honor. assured him had every
thing to do with tho achievement my
self and wished to retain my laurels.
Said he: DO you know if 1900 cubic
feet Of water per minute would wash
out q hen coop 40 feet high in some
thing over II hours7"
"It depends" said l, with alacrity,
upon the coop's area and the number
Of"
Number of nothing" he eimpntiently
interrupted. "Never say number of
anything again; you. almost might as
we'll have said 1900 cubic inches"
"But didn't say inches,'' said I.
"No," said he," you did not know
enough for that. You remind mo of
people who give measures for pies nm
things. Why, there amt child be-
tween this and Georgia who won't be
gray haired figuring out thoso figures.
You've lost your calling; yon ought to
have been on the building committee
for the Exposition at Charleston. You'd
make an architect. you would"
l thought now this was one of the
engineers practical ways of joking and
laughed; then recollecting the hen coop
said, we'll it depended on the area of
the buildings and the number of peo-
pie; but look into his face showed me
was on unsafe ground. / arose and
handed him the paper; asked him to
figure it ont; that as it was it suited
me all right. He looked Mt the figures
and n grimace illumined his counten-
ance that was n laugh. yet not laugh.
"Iou don't know how much power it
takes to turn u churn, do your" he
asked, as though seriously.
"YOu mean 40 feet high7" said /, re-
verting to the measurements that were
running beneath his eye. He did not
seem to have heard ME.
"What made You write 1900 when it
should have been 73,OOO?"
Inspiration" said l, natural fac
ulty."
For lying" said he, completing the
sentence to suit himself.
now rebounded upon the last straw
of escape, called vicarious implication,
and said believed the types made that
mistake. He said no, the types were
like figures, they did not lie when the
truth was put in them. "NOw," said
he, "you should have said $4,000 cubic
feet; that quantity Of water per min
ute, flowing ? miles long, would till
cavity 200 feet wide and 10 feet deep in,
II hours, 81 minutes and 90 seconds.
What sort of river would we have Mt
1900 cable feet? and what sort of fig
uresv Set the children right"
calmed his conscience by assuring
him would try anu set the children
right-ns nobody else would care; then
to change the current into smoother
regions asked: Nov that the co...
pany had all this new power on their
hands, how long would it take them to
effect n salcg" but was rs deer in
complication as before.
why" said he, ''twas sold before
they had it, before twas made.''
This, with afl. Difference to the engi-
neer's information, threw me upon
reverie OF the exchange markets in cot
ton and grain. l had heard of people
dealing in "futures;D buvinp ryyhent.