Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1901-02-14
WHY HE Is so VERY TIRED.
Exploits In Pedestrianism of an Ex-
pert Billiardist.

"It's a smart wife who falls upon the
ways of her beloved" said the drummer
of New York billiard house to a re-
porter in one of the up town hotels the
other evening. "But | will give her a
pointer or two, so that when her lord
and master returns home from business
so very tired she may call him down hard
II she knows he is billiard player.
1.-THE size of the average billiard table
is Az by Oh feet, though the profess
sional size Is s by 10 feet. For the sake
of even numbers and tho better to illus
trate to the unsuspecting better half l
will take the professional size.
"While billiard players usually play by
the hour game is ordinarily Of 80 points.
The rapidity with which a game is fin
ished depends upon the skill Of the play
ers. If two players complete three
games in an hour, they are doing good
work on an average, and, remember, 1t
Is only the average in this estimate.
eve will say that this particular hus-
band, on two hours play, makes $50
shots. We all know how some men will
walk two or three times around or half
around q table before each shot Others
take In the situation and walk only to get
In position to cue their ball. On an aver
age we will say that this man walks
around the entire table but once before
each shot He walks, therefore, 30 feet
at every shot. He will also walk Is feet
at every shot Of his opponent, telling him
how to make his play and lodging his
cue. That makes As feet for every shot,
or 1850 feet for his afternoon walk
around the table, or about one and one
third miles.
"In addition he has four cocktails and
four more for his friend, since he lost the
games. He paid for these also and the
IS side bet on himself Altogether his Pc
destrianism cost tramp Of one and one
third miles, 81 for drinks and $40 for
the two hours use Of the table, IL the rate
is $1.20 an hour, as it is in the first class
places in New York-total, $40.
"When he reaches home, he lies to his
poor, little, unsuspecting wife like this:
"Claude-My darling, l am 30 dead
tired from working like pack horse this
afternoon at the office that you must let
me off for the show tonight. aside: If
hadn't made that side bet on myself I'd
have had the dough; now Pm broke for
the night)
"Maude Whose pretty face Is at once
drawn in lines Of sympathy and whose
accents are tremulous with solicitude)-
Claude, dear, your head Is just as hot as
it can be! You are really feverish. Poor
fellow! will put this wet towel on your
forehead-sol
Misunderstanding like troopers now,
Maude. I've walked FIVE miles today II
I've walked a step. Sorry we can't go
out--but you don't mind staying in when
I'm not well, do you, dear? Qf she catch.
es my cocktail perfumed breath 1t will
take more than a new hat to square my
self this time)
"Maude-Not a bit, you poor i'll man,
You must go right to bed-no2 Not until
you have had your dinner? Are you hun
cry? As bear? And sick too? That's
popularity Of the particular kind Of fe'
yer from which you are suffering. Poor
old chap! Thirsty and hungry! All
right. Now for dinner, then for tho doc
tor and to bed. Poor man!
"And that's the way we have to talk
when we men are in hole and want to
crawl out and not agitate little tender
heart too much" Washington Star.