Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1901-04-03
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Larry-Was 1t great military coun-
thry, Dinny? Denny-Oi shud say so;
aven tn wells out thor wor drilled
Chicago News.
Nervous Mother-Are you sure, VIII
lie, that the ice is safe? "Oh. yes! It
wouldn't be safe If there was another
boy with me. but I'm going alone.
Life.
Teacher-And how do you know, my
dear, that you have been christened7
Scholar-Pleasc. mum, cause got the
marks ON me arm now. mum.-Leslie's
Weekly.
II shall make fortune out Of my
new musical box. You put penny in
the slot and" "And the thing plays
a popular air?" No, 1t stops playing
one."-Tit-B
Plumbers Wif4-What IRE you
dreaming about? Are you building
castles in the air? Plumber-Better
than that! was mending plumbing
in castles in the air!-Puck.
Late Realization: II now realize"
said the pig, as they loaded him in the
wagon bound for the butcher's-"I now
realize that over-eatlng tends to short
en- life."-Indianapolis Press.
Out of His line: "Ah. Littleton! The
very man for the emergency. ! have a
grave problem to submit to you" "A
grave problem to me? Why, I'm no
undertaker."-B Boston Courier.
Close Resemblance: Contractor-You
won't sell me n carload of bricks on
credit? Dealer-No. Nc an my bricks
are very much alike; we're hard press
ed for Philadelphia Record.
Hard on Papa: Fond Mother-All
those beautiful silk dresses. Johnny,
came from poor insignificant worm.
Johnny-Yes, ! know, mamma. Papa
is the worm, amt -Moonshine.
Some day. I the elderly visitor,
you may be President of the United
States" Hull" said the little boy;
I'D druther be Vice President an kill
bears an ns."-Indlanapolis Press.
81 oncet called OIL Russell Sage" said
Meandering Mike. did he offer to
give you anythingy" asked Flooding
Pete HE did. He said he'd give me
two minutes to git out'n de Office
Washington Star.
.'Ies. I'm sorry for poor dear Helen;
that horrid George said she must either
give him up, or her lovely pug" "And
she had to give up the dog?" mo:
she gave up George. and puggie died
the next day."-Pick-Me Up.
Vacation Lessons: Paternity boy,
the philosopher tells us we must dill
gently pursue the ideal which persona
fies the ego. What do you understand
by that? Boy-That's easy. dad. 1t
means chase yourself.-I.ife.
Yes. | consider my life failure.''
"Oh Henry, how sad! Why should you
say that?' II spend all my time maxi
ing money enough to buy food and
clothes. and the food disagrees with
me, and my clothes don't fit."-Life.
All They Wanted.-"our amateur
theatricals We're great success, were,
MT they: "oh, yes; every one of you
had enough particular friends to con-
vince you that you were the best one
in them" Philadelphia Evening Bulle-
tin.
Il never knew him to refuse to give
aid in what he considered a deserving
case" did you ever know him to
see what lie considered deserving,
case| well, no, I don't believe l ever
did, now that you mention it."-C Chicago
Post.
II hope you will be lenIent with me,
your lordshfp." said the thief, MS he
stood up to be sentenced; II have a
good many dependent on me for their
support" "Children?" asked the
judge. NO, police detectiyes."-I,it-
Bits.
Binkerton-What Is that piece that
Prof. Nagelschmitz is playing? Pilgar-
tic--That? Oh, that's one of the
Songs Without Words" Rlnkerton-
We'll, the audience seem to be doing
their level best to supply the deficiency.
Harlem Life.
".And do you Think asked ~ friend,
that your circumstances will have
my effect?" WELL" said the Chinese
statesmen. 1.-THE European generals
have promised that. in future, their
troops will be more moderate In their
atrocities. "-luck.
ooh, no; she's not ut all what you
would call really feminine woman.
She affects masculine ways" "How?,
well, for instance. yesterday saw
her give street ear conductor a nickel
when she had five pennies in her
purse" Chicago Post.
Bashful Lover (timidly)-Did yeer
liver think nv marryin', Biddy? Biddy
tcoyly)-Shure now TIL subject hos
niver entered me thoughts. Bashful
Lover turning away)-It's sorry OF
am" Biddy ihastily)--Wan minnit,
Pat. Ye've set me t thinklns, Har-
per's Bazaar.
Boyhood's Diversions: Mamma y
John, Mrs. Cummern was here Just
now to complain how you are all the
time lighting with her little boy. Don't
you know that we must love our enc
mics? Johnny-Why, mamma. Dlckey
Cummern amt no enemy. He's my
best frlend.-Bazar.
Good evenin', ma'am," said the
tramp, presenting himself at the back
door, hat in hand. "Oh. you're after
somethin' to eat. | suppose?" said the
lady, wiping her chin with her apron.
mo. ma'am; you're wrong, lady; /
don't want nothin' to.eat. All want
| is the privilege Of sleepin' in your barn
over night. Since these kidnapers have
been about nobody can feel safe out.
doors" -Yonkers Statesman.
sententious Sentences.
The principal advantage Of being