The Topeka state journal., 1901-11-30
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

l
DR.. A.-Why do you always make
such particular inquiries as to wha'
your patients eat?. Does that assist you
in your diagnosis?
DR.. B.-Not much; but it enables me
| to ascertain their social position and
| arrange my fees accordingly.-Tit-
| Bits.
Willie" said his father, as he pro-
| ceeded with the laying on of hands,
Il am sorry to have to do this-it hurts
| me more than 1t does you.''
| WELL returned the precocious
| youngster resignedly, 'I never did be-
| lieve i'll these here sympathetic strikes
anyhow. They always do more harm
| than good.''-Chicago Post.
| Lieut.. HefferInan was saying the
other day that he had hardly ever seen
an Irishman vino wasn't ready with a
quick retort no matter what the cir
| cumstances might be.
1T was about three years ago that
arrested certain fellow. He was about
the drunkest man I ever saw to be
still standing on his feet. AS soon as
L got hold of him he wanted to make
trouble. He was just like many others
from the 'Ould sod when they get full
OF bad booze and they think there is
a chance for scrap. He made a pass
at me, but reached over and tapped
him once on the head with my stick.
He became quiet right away, and he
" And what tonne is it?'
of course I couldn't help but an
swer, Just struck one.'
-, Well if thot's So he answered,
Dim dunn glad yez didn't hit me an
hour sooner, louisville Times.
A local trolley car motorrnan discov-
cred yesterday that it is bad FORM as
we'll as dangerous, to run through a
funeral procession. Still he is supposed
TO make his trip on schedule time, while
rev minutes one way or the other can
make but little difference to the occu-
pant of a hearse.-Buffalo Times.
PA, what's the first requisite of
patriot?''
THAT he belongs to your party
Chicago Record-Herald.
Dasherly-women are not good
listeners.
lasherly-EvidentIy you've never
had any for servants.-Kansas City
Independent.
The good old cider that hits like A
green hickory club in the hands of the
n1red man is going to be dear in the
teetotal state of Maine this winter
Ihere IS less than half a crop of apples.
minneapolis Times.
Did you tip him off to- the police?''
asked the burglar
Sure" answered the confidence man
"Why?'
He's a nonunion safeblower."-chi-
cago Post.
Diggs-Mr. Prognos seems to be very
cautious about committing himself on any
. Daggs-Yes. he was formerly a weather
bureau man.-ohio State Journal. - N'-7-
He Hef-How Hey is the new cook getting along?
twids ics MfbiiferWel fbis had R to discharge her
peen doing fairly well.-Brooklyn Life
md Why. Do you say he is a man of no
tbaR bBeeause aus when s9s he finds dialect story
to his nds.''-Chicago Post. '-'-
Against logic there is no armor like ig-
-, "one g, e never knows mans. real value
qntll fl, ne IS dead. commented the thought
p,Trne., replied the worldly woman
Tit-Bits. - -'S me ihs
II toiled for twenty years. SAYS an
ahutnqf ahtt without recognition, During all
me was the town bailifrHGod re rest him i.N
Atlanta Constitution.
From all accounts the dowager empress
miI ma m ,hg good deal Of her bric-a-brae
City.-Milwaukee Sentinel.
Possibly if there We're some way of com
pelling Richard Croker to live in New
York he would try to give the city bet
ter government.-Washin gton Star.
Tafnmany Politician (arranging for mu-
sic at political meeting)-Isn't that a big
dozen times during, the whole evening.
Brass Band Leader-But, my dear sir,
Speeches.-Tit-Bits-
Jasper-I understand that YOU had
turned over a new leaf, and were even
going to love your enemies, but it seems
T1n nrn I11f coIf
We'll, 1 am my own worst enemy
who. is your favorite composer?'' in
quired the visitor
Il s'poSe you mean classical - respond
ed Mr.. Cumrocks.
Certainly"