davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

entertaining has always been so in
formal we're likely to make the guests
change the plates and bring in the
courses from the kitchen themselves.
But it's true, as you say, that kind of
thing won't do when we're entertaining
Mrs. Caulkington. She's so critical that
her eyes burn holes in anything they
fall on. We wouldn't mind her little
peculiarities if she were merely an ac-
quaintance. But if Isabel is going to
demand big fat salary she must make
big fat impression. I'm sure Mrs.
Caulkington would cut her down half if
she knew how poor we are and how
badly we need that secretaryship.
Something must be done"
Gertrude, dear, you know perfectly
well that nothing can be done. There
are only two hours left, and, in any
case, you can't secure girl here in the
country to come in for just one day"
81 know that; but whisht, my dearl
An idea dawns in my brain! Let it ma
turer'
"An idea for what-for getting us a
maid?"
Eyes, my dear. A ready maid, so to
speak"
"Silly! Do you think Isabel and l
have time to waste upon your vapor-
lngs"
"a ready maid. No, maid to order
Don't talk to me for three minutes. ]
feel the idea grow in my cerebrum-
and il really is a good one"
The young lady sat down in the little
oaken window and buried her face in
her hands.
Three minutes later she sprang VI
and piroutted triumphantly around the
charming table.
"Huzza! I've solved the problem
she cried "And I'll stand for it thai
you shall have a maid to serve Mrs
Caulkington's luncheon. A stunning
maid, well trained, light-footed, soft
voiced; a maid who will not send 81
much as one plate of raw oysters dow
the back of your guest; who will d.
things without diagrams and will no
cause the downfall and destruction O.
our precious willow pattern china. II
fact, the maid 1 propose to offer yol
will be an explanatory key with copi
GUS illustrations to the entire servan
question"
Gertrude's sisters were very far from
: Gespising the girls ready Imagination
, 1t had often helped to solve an econ
, omic prblem which they themselye
: had abandoned to despair. But thi
crisis of the maid to order seemed con
: siderably beyond Gertrude even, an
| they frankly announced themselye
skeptics.
! do you mean to look for your re
markable maid here in the suburbs o
elsewhere?' they demanded.
L shall procure her in the city-ol
rather, 1 shall go on little trip to tn
city, and 1 will send the maid to you i
my absence"
But, Gertrude! If you leave nov
for the city you won't have time, chilt
: to get back for Mrs. Caulkington'
luncheon"
I'm not afraid, but I'm glad Of a
excuse to absolve myself. I'm in aw
y of Mrs Caulkington, and tremble b.
|, fore the glare of her lorgnettes. 70
r can make my excuses to Mrs. Caulkinl
b ton and tell her that was obliged to G
s into the city on pressing business"
1t seemed an injustice that Gertrud
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
Ou7Ea 1dR|S

Two hundred and twenty-four gallons
Of fresh water weigh ton.
Potatoes brought into Russia first in
1859 caused fearful riots, being called
devils apples.
Holland has nine miles of canal for
every one hundred square miles Of sur
face, 2,700 miles in all.
More steel is used in the manufacture
of pens than in all the sword and gun
factories in the world. A ton Of steel
produces about 10000 gross of pens.
When the smoke bells are suspended
over gas burners to shield the ceiling,
it is better to have them come as low as
possible, but not closer than twelve or
fifteen inches to the flame.
Various beautiful colors are of ami
NAL origin-for example, Indian yellow,
which is derived from the camel. Sepia
is the inky secretion of the cuttlefish
carmine is derived from the cochineal
insect, Prussian blue is obtained from
horses hoofs, and ivory black is made
by burning ivory chips.
! The American coal fields are thirty
seven times as great as the English
Coal is proftably and somewhat large
ly mined in twenty-eight States Of the
Union: Alabama, Arkansas, California
Colorado, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana
Indian Territory, Iowa, Kansas, Ken
lucky, Maryland, Michigan, Missouri
Montana, New Mexico, North Carolina
North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsyl
vania, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vir
ginia, West Virginia, Wyoming
Though our coal fields are thirty-sever
times as extensive as those of Eng
land, she produces more coal than we
1SO,OOO,OOO tons, but we are very close
to this.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
A MAYORS MIRACLE.
He Made the Blind See, the Deaf
Hear and the Lame Walk.


From the many anecdotes of Bamp-
fylde Moore Carew's rogueries in Ar
thur Montefore Brice's essay on that
Amazing Vagabond" we quote one In
which Carew and his gypsy crew who
had rugged themselves up as cripples
and gathered at Bridgewater fair to
plumber the junketers came off second
best.
When the mayor of Bridgewater
heard that this motley group of Grip
pies had arrived, he announced to some
Of his friends that he was possessed Of
a>power they perhaps little suspected
that, IN fact, he could make the blind
see, the deaf hear and the lame walk.
Bets were freely made that he could do
nothing of the kind, and thereupon the
mayor had the gypsies arrested and
Immediately brought before him and,
after hearing their narrowing tales, or
dered them to be confined for the night
In the lookup.
About 10 o'clock at night, however,
the municipal surgeon entered with a
lantern and announced that he would
CAduuluG luGlu III luC III VI
der to report to the mayor whether or
not they really suffered from deformity
of one kind or another, and he went on
to say that those who were found to be
impostors would be treated by the
mayor with severity so extreme that,
moved to pity, he would allow any such
misguided wretch to escape there and
then from the lookup on condition that
he Immediately left the town.
At this intelligence a great commo-
ton arose, and in less time than it
takes to write it the whole crowd surg
ed out of the lookup, flinging away
their crutches and wooden legs, patch
es and bandages, and made off down
the town at topmOst speed, the blind
leading the way with unerring steps,
the dumb crying aloud their fears, the
deaf replying to them, and the lame
sprinting along at a rafting pace.
Now, just opposite the lookup, on the
farther side of the street, stood the wit
ty mayor and his friends, convulsed
with laughter at the success of his
acknowledgement.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
CATCHING CICADAS.
How Certain MaInys Obtain a Curl
Gus De1icacy.

How Certain MaIays Obtain a Curl
Gus Delicacy.
Certain natives of the Malay peninsu-
la catch cicadas and eat them and that
as a considerable luxury. To eat CT
cada seems distinctly curious, says the
London Daily Mail, when we reflect
that this insect is in reality glorifed
member of that insect group which
contains as its most prominent repre-
sentative the diminutive and swarthy
creature which shall be nameless here
for evermore.
The way in which the Siamese pro-
ceeds was related to the Geological So
ciety the other day by a naturalist who
has spent some time in the Malay pen
insula observing men as well as in
sects. At night, when these insects fly,
the native sallies forth armed with q
torch and but little raiment. The torch
is deposited in a convenient place, and
the swarm of natives proceed to clap
their hands in a perfectly regular fash
ion so as to produce a considerable
sound.
1t is the combination of light and
sound that allures the cicada from its
haunts to its destruction. The insects
come also in swarms and settle upon
the bodies of the applauding natives,
whence they are easily detached, pre-
served, cooked and eaten.
The Greek sage remarked that happy
are the cicadas in that they have voice
less wives. 1t is apparently the lady
cicadas who are attracted by what
they fondly believe to be the love cry
of the male and are thus lured to their
fate by that most dangerous of pas
eiOnS
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
4 Maid TO Order.


should not be there to witness the sue
cess of the occasion for which they had
all worked so hard.
The older girls reasoned, pleaded, rep
resented, but Gertrude stood firm.
PART II.
Mrs. Caulkington's critical eyes were
already boring holes in the drawing
room furniture, and the luncheon hour
was but three minutes in the future.
Isabel, in her prettiest silk waist, was
arranging the oyster plates upon the
table, preliminary to ushering their
guest into the dining-room.
Suddenly a purling of bingham skirts
brushed the silence of the place, and a
soft voice sounded in IsabeTs ear.
eff you please, Miss" said the voice.
"NIiss Gertrude done send me. am de
maid to ordah."
Good graciousv' shrieked Isabel, I'M
der her breath. She started back, the
oyster plate in her hand narrowly es-
Gaping calamity.
She said Good gracious~ once more,
and very fervently when she turned.
For there, not a yard from her side,
waiting to be assigned to her duties,
stood the most desirable Of colored
mattresses.
She was tall, well poised, and, bar
ring her skin, strikingly handsome
young woman. Her pink Bingham gown
fitted to perfection and closely resem-
bled one worn by Gertrude for morn.
ings on the porch. Her dainty ruff1ed
apron was stril1ingly like one which
Isabel herself wore while sewing
Perched saucily in her black, ripply
hair, she wore a bit Of q cap, which
when examined at close range, seemed
to be nothing more than tuft of white
lace cleverly pinned.
Isabel took a second look at her new
acquisition and dropped into chail
laughing weakly.
Miss Gertrude done send me, Miss,
the maid repeated softly. "And She
said fo' yo' to jest go set in de parlo
and leave all the servin' to me-"
"Oh, Gertrude, Gertrude" gurgle(
Isabel. what nonsense won't tina
child attempt?"
The luncheon was faultlessly served
Never was waitress quicker, lighter
softer more all-seeing, more graceful.
Even the critical Mrs. Caulkingtol
was impressed.
Afterward, when the luncheon part,
had adjourned to the drawing-room
the guest deliberately led around to tn
subject of domestics.
do you find it as hard to get goo,
girls in the suburbs as we do in tn
city," she asked. 81 imagine not, TO
that young waitress of yours is perfec
ton itself"
well, good girls are very scare
here" answered Isabel. "And I've N
doubt we'd have endless trouble if W
had to change. But, you see, we hav
raised Anna ourselves. She knows on
own ways and suits us perfectly
We've had her for more than ten year:
1 know she'll never leave us unless, Q
course, she marries and has home @
: her own"
s my dear girl, you simply have
g treasure" cried the visitor wit
J. warmth eff l were in your place
f would SILVER at the very thought G
2 losing her. And, do you know, sine
t I've seen how perfectly your little tabl
y is arranged and served, I'm reall
e afraid of what Miss Isabel will thin
: when she comes to me in the city.
o hope you will close your eyes to a nun
e Der Of things in my housekeeping, Mis-
J. Isabel"
f ''Oh, am not critical, Mrs. Caulkins
v ton," laughed Isabel. "And everyon
}. knows how hard it is to get maids lik
Anna neutrality-suspicious. to Eat.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

Females seem to lie the same the
world over" remarked Bruin, glancing
up from the fragment of paper he had
been reading. Here's an account of
woman being badly crushed at a
spring opening"
"Yes?' replied the fox, languidly.
Yes. A spring opening was the
death of my first wife. She put her
foot in it. and it closed on her"-Ph:la-
delphia Fress.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
Not Alexis Earth,

Alex Smart-The earth is merely a
speck in the universe
Prof. Squelcher-While your state
ment is true, young man, that does not
justify your apparent theory that you
own it.-Ohio State Journal
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

Mr.. Sappeigh-Mr. Woozen seems
badly smitten on that young lady plan
ist 'Music hath charms" you know.
Miss Gebbeigh-Yes, and in this case
it must be the music which hath the
charms" -Baltimor American.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

81 understand Miss Goode took piano
lessons at the conservatory"
"Oh, yes. She's got gold medal"
"Yet, I was paying n visit at her
house last night and she positively re-
fused to play; said she had decided to
give it up"
Eyes, that's what she got the gold
medal for. The neighbors gave it to
er."-Philadelphia Press.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
Cburches i'm Great Britain.

In Great Britain there are 4,S43
churches, branch churches and mis-
sion stations, providing sitting accomo-
dations for 1,744,111 persons The
church members number 431 SIT, sub
stantial increase of some 10000 men,
bers on the returns made last year.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
A Married Man.

Jaspar-Why do you consider Bond
rocks so especially lucky?
Jumpuppe-Why, all his friends had
gone back on him before he had sue
ceeded, and he was able to begin life
with a clean slate.-Life.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
Made 10 Feel at Home.

Didn't you feel yourself a stranger
in your literary club after being absent
SO long, Mrs. JiIks?"
No, one of the other members snub-
bed me the minute 1 opened my
mouth. Chicago Record.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

you used to say" she bitterly COM
planned, that was the light of your
existence"
L know it," he replied with almost
brutal frankness, 'but that was before
1 had to pay for the gas you consume
by sitting up till midnight reading fool
love stories. Chicago Times-Herald.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
Work.

"Whats de matter" asked Flooding
Pete.
Nightmare" answered Meandering
Mike, rubbing his eyes. 81 fought
somebody handed me $1,OO0,O0O."
"An' you was kicking 2"
"Pete, did you ever try to count ST.
100000? De work is somethin' fear
fulp'-Washington Star.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
The Height of Ingenuity.

Jaggles-What do you think is the
most wonderful machine ever invented?
Waggles-The one that puts the folds
in ime-tables.-Judy.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
La Pon1Daduur,

whats the matter with your hair?''
asked Cawker of his wife, when she
appeared at the breakfast table.
what seems to be the matter?"
at has an unshoveled appearance"
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
Lots of Time.

Jack Newlywed- Time you were get
ting married, old man.
Billy Bachelor-O, don't know; the
century is young yet.-Ohio State Jour-
nal.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
A Reformer Rebuked,

German Child don't believe in en-
perors, mamma.
German Mother (shocked)-Oh, you
little infideli-Puck.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

Kind Lady-You say you have such
a hard time supporting your three
daughters. What do they do?
Hash Brown-Two is havin' der
voices cultivated and de odder is in
Europe studyin' art.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
Weight off Honey Bees.

Five thousand honey bees as they
leave the hive, weigh about one pound,
but when the insects return from their
visits to the flowers, freighted with
honey. they weigh nearly twice as
much.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
Be Like Papa.

A local gentleman of prominence has
become famous for his wonderful self
conceit. He thinks Mr.. - is little bit
nicer and brighter and more moral
than any other man in the city. His
wife has circulated a story about him
that almost breaks his heart
He was teaching his little boy to
pray, and the little fellow, pursuant tc
his fathers words, had requested the
blessing for everyone.
"Pray for little boys like yourself, -
said the parent. ASK that they may
grow up like your papa"
And the little boy prayed that all boys
should grow up to be great men like
his father.-Louisville Commercial
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

A man feels strange pang when re-
minded of an acquaintance, who is
dead, but the pang is not because he is
missed so much but that he is missed
so little.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
Foxy Youth.

Elderly saw you with the charm
ing Miss Hedstrong to-day. l know her
parents very well.
Youngman-Do you? wish you'd put
in a bad word for me with them.
Elderly-You mean a good word, Of
course.
Youngman-No, 1 don't. If can only
get her parents to oppose me I'll land
the girl sure.-Philadelphia Press.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
An Interloper.

Old Gentleman-Here, sir, how is it 1
catch you kissing my daughter?
The Lover-By sneaking in on US, sir.
Philadelphia Press.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
Greatest Force.

Greatest Force.
Tommy-Pop, what is the greatest
force in local politics?
Tommy's POp-The police force, my
son.-Philadelphia Record.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
His Customary 6 at.

"Your friend Tackey is way off in
Honolulu now. Doesn't that surprise
your
at does and it doesn't"
"Heard he was going there, eh?''
mo, didn't know he was in Homo
lulu, but knew he was way off even
when he was here" -Philadelphia Rec
ord.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

81 suppose your experience is that a
good many tenants find it cheaper to
keep moving than to pay rent?" re-
marked the inquisitive man.
mo doubt" replied the candid real
estate agent. land we frequently find
it cheaper to keep them moving than
to make the repairs they require.
Philadelphia Press.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

Belief have a violin that 1 played
on when I was a little girl.
Nell-Gracious! 1t must be n fine
one.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

The easiest note to write Is the hard
est to pay.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
Queen who Married Her Brothers

A Queen Who Married Her Brothers,
At II years of age Cleopatra was
married to her half brother, Ptolemy
Dionysius, who was then 10. This was
because of the will OF his father, wIn
left him the throne on'condition of the
marriage with his sister. They reigned
Jointly under the guardianship of the
Romans until Cleopatra became dissat-
isfed with her brothers attempt to
gain sole power. She plotted against
him, and, obtaining the aid of julius
Cesar SHE brought about Ptolemy's
DEATH Thereupon she married another
brother, a boy of II, whom she later
poisoned, assuming sole power 43 B. c..
With her death go B. c. ended the dy-
nasty of Ptolemy in Egypt. Nsya7 I
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

Fortune is usually seen in the com
pany Of industry and charity.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

"Either 1 am a fool" a man said to
day, cor other people are"
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
Just Wigg1ed.

Just Wigg1ed.
Glow did Eleanor announce her en-
gagement"
"Just wiggled the finger that wore
the diamond ring."-Puck.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

"Oh, john" she cried, ''baby's cut
TOOTH
CAV, go 'wayr broke in little Willie,
who was playing on the floor. you
can't cut a tooth! You may break 1t,
but you can't cut it."-Chicago Post.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18
On the Government.

They were two big, burly Indians.
The long eagle feather in the hat Of
one who is known as chief and the
bright red ostrich tip in the sombrero
of the other would have told that if the
unmistakable features had not evil
denced it. A government employee, it
matters not who, but one who may pos
sibly in certain events happening make
a stake out of the tribe to which
these Indians belong, was doing the
honors of the capitol and showing the
braves about the corridors. They left
the Indian committee room and came
to the door of the house restaurant.
Lets have bite to eat" suggested
the man with the graft.
"All right" was the quick reply Of
the aborigines.
At the luncheon counter the one who
could master the most English asked,
"Guv'munt pay"
"Oh, yes" responded the host, think
ing that the quickest way to inform
them that they would not have to stand
good for the bill.
"Ughp' grunted the brave, eve eat
lot, guv'munt pay" And they did
four cups of coffee each, half a dozen
hard boiled eggs, three ham sand
witches, one dozen doughnuts, a whole
baked chicken, ice cream, a whole pie
each and besides that a thirst for fire
water that was absolutely appalling
The luncheon counter looked as though
a cyclone might have paid it visit by
the time the Indians got through, ant
the bill that the "guv'munt" clerk ha(
to foot made his weeks salary lool
like cents.
"Guv'munt heap good" grunted thu
brave as he picked his teeth in tru'
white brother fashion in the corridor
1--WE eat here again." But 1t will no
be in company with that particula
clerk.-Washington Star.
The San Francisco call., 1901-11-17
MARRIED.

CUMAdINS-SAITH-S -SCHON1G In this city,
November IA, 1901, by the Rev. Herbert T.
Briggs, pastor OF Central NJ z. Church, Mar
cellus r. Cummins and Viola L. Smith
Schonig, both Of San Francisco.
DILLON-ELLISON-In this city, November
Dillon and Georgte Ellison, both OF Caza-
dero, Sonorna County, Cal
EAGAN-WARSHAWSK WSKI-November II, 1901,
Daniel ]. Eagan and Gina Warshawski. both
Of San Francisco.
GADING-ZEHFUSSHIn this city, November
16, 1901. by the Rev. Paul Branke, William
Gading of Mount Eden and Mary Zehfuss OF
San Francisco
GRAHAM-DE LAIR-November Il, 1901. by
B. +. Curler Of Nevada. Robert r Graham
and Annie de Lair, both OF San Francisco.
JARVIS-HACKER-In this city, November 16
1901, by the Rev. DR.. E. Nelander, pastor OF
the First English Lutheran Church, Edwin
D, Jarvis and Mae r. Hacker, both OF Va
neJo.
LYONe-wALKER-I San Rafael, September
g. 1901 by the Rsv, Father Sessnon, Richard
J. Lyons and Emma Louise Walker. both OF
San Francisco.
MULLER-McCARTT-In this city, November
16 1901, by the Rev. Paul Branks. Adolf
Muller and Rosie McCarty, both OF San
Francisco,
PIPER-WOoDHULL-In this city March 30
1901, by the Rev, DR., Stephens, at Simpson
Memorial Methodist Episcopal Church, Ar
thur Leroy Piper OF the firm OF Piper, Alden,
Goodau Company and Mary Helen Woodruff,
SYMON-HARRIS-In this city November IA
1901, at the residence Of Mr., Symon, father OF
ward, James O, Symon and Mary Adelia
WILLIAMS-SLATER-In this city November
49, 1901. at St, Mary's Cathedral, by the
Rev, Father DEMPSEY, Robert H, Williams
and Frankie M. Slater, both of San Fran
The San Francisco call., 1901-11-17
MARRIAGE LICENSES.

The following marriage licenses were issued
yesterday:
Frank Christensen, 2s, 6s Oregon street. and
Gorte Strand, q. AIS Tehama street
John G. Boyle, go sos Corbett avenue, and
Geraldine G. Donovan, 26, All Larkin street.
James B. Sharpe. SS, New York City, andy
Katie Bruck, 25 city
Edwin D, Jarvis. 2s. Vallejo. and Mae R.
Hacker. %, Vallejo.
George Welch, %. 24So San Bruno avenue. and
Gertrude Welch, %, 619 McAllister street.
Hjalmar A. Okerbeck. 81, city, and Clara C.
Berggren, 20, city.
George Aubery. "a. Delano. and Nellie Will
Hams, 10, city.
Carlos j. Anderson. 40 Ills McAllister street.
and Lulu Meyers, "a Sellwood, Or.
Daniel Shanahan, 80, city, and Emma Dona-
van, 25, San Diego.
Edward Nelson. 26 u Steuart street, and
Hilda Nelson, %, 1112 York street.
A j. Parker Bishop. 35. 1907 Bush street. and
Mary H. Webster, o. 736 Geary street.
The San Francisco call., 1901-11-17

Real Estate Agents. Rent Collectors,
II Montgomery St, Lick House Block
S17,000-Choice lot for factory. purposes on
Eleventh St. near Harrison; two frontages; 100
kiss.
SIS, 15,ooo-Elegant NV. corner in the Mission;
partly improved; will pay now per cent inter-
est on Investment; large lot, 137:1o2117; three
1rontages; street. work completed.
S5OOO-Snap; Sixteenth St, near Valencia; IS
feet front, ll0 feet deep; street work complete
Sz0Oo-Make offer; Harrison St, near Third;
lot and improvements; 25xS.
SeOOO-Hanosome corner residence Green
st, containing y rooms, bath. servants room
billiard parlor, laundry and large finished at
tic; handsomely decorated and finished in hard
woods; lot 25x1Oo.
s5oOO-Broderick st, near California; 2-story
residence. rooms and bath. in irst-class con-
oition; very cheap lot 25x125.
S415O-Rents $40; two modern flats on Steiner
St, near Golden Gate ave; lot 25xs7:6.
$o5OO-Rents Sz2 so; Grove St; two fats six
rooms each; lot 25x1s7:6.
$lS0o-Snap; offer wanted for lot on Hayes
st, near Lyon: 25x12T:e.
S5o0O-Fillmore St, near Oak; choice lot suit
able for fats; S7:ex110.
SS50o-Rents s77 SO per month; three new up
to-oate fats, 6, and rooms. on Folsom st. !;
lot 25x100
s25O0-2-story house, two tenements rooms
each; renting for s22; Rondell place, of Six
teenth St; this is cheap property.
S55OO-Rents $Sl: two bay-windoW fats on Fair
oaks St. near Twenty-third, containing and 6
rooms; lot So:ex117:6 to rear street.
$zz5o-Shotvel st, near 18th; lot 3ox122:e; rear
enc OF which is improved with fats, 8 rooms
each, and renting for SIS; another building on
this lot would pay big interest.
sSVOO-Mlsslon st. business property; store and
: hats; well rented; lot 35Gl32; cheap
CENTER & SPADER.