Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1901-02-19
THE MARIAN DREAM



Or BENJAMIN Franklin and the News
Man.
To the Editor of the Register
1t happened this way. The writer
had finished a nights hard work-not
unloading schooners-but unloading
prosperity on a three-turn tin mill;
and walking homeward on Main street.
thinking of the late political landslide
when a voice near the suspension
bridge attracted my attention A ques-
ton was asked me it seems, for heard
the following: Hello, tin walloper;
what do you think of the editorial that
appeared in the Evening News, Thurs
day, February IA, on 'Marconi AMI
Tesla concerning communication with
Mars?" My hearing was sharpened
and eyes opened, and on looking more
closely | saw stout form in Quaker
Oats costume Thinking him some
merry masquerader, answered, Don t
know what to think about it my friend,
l haven't talked through the long dis
lance phone to the inhabitants OF
Mars for long time" The answer
came, ooh you think l am testing,
see. Well, my boy it is natural for you
to think so, 4or am the shade of Ben
jamin Franklin, who was not only the
greatest humorist of his time, but of all
times Thinking this to be an ex-
cellent opportunity to learn the truth
regarding Franklin's bottling light
ming, accounts of which are read In
McGuffy's and Osgood's readers in our
boyhood days, we put the question To
him, that is, did he really bottle light
ming? Franklin said: THAT is an
easy one. With the aid of a kite, a
long piece of Irvine, a key and bot
tle-also some brains-I bottled 4
bolt from the blue vaults of heaven,
and regardless of Mrs. Nation, we have
had bottled lightning ever since"
saw at once that the inhabitants Of
other planets kept well informed abont
the affairs of this world, as we'll as
those events of interest at their own
homes. Benjamin Franklin told me
that he had stood on the streets of our
largest cities and watched the different
uses that electricity had been put to,
and smiled to himself. at the slow pro-
gress we were making in this day and
generation. Franklin said: William
Penn and went on an excursion from
Mars in the summer of 1900 to Niagara
Falls, N. Y. We were standing near
the American fall, when Penn turning
to me said: ben, I see nothing great
about this grandest water drip in the
world, it is only drop of water on
some rocks" Eyes, William, an
swered, but it is drop of one hundred
and sixty seven feet Benjam in
Franklin then told me that he and
William Penn took a flying trip to
Wheeling, and he persuaded Mr.. Penn
to accompany him to the power house
to see how electricity was generated,
or "degenerated,' as Franklin said.
The man in charge, it seems had put
an ''ironclad' near the dynamo, and
asked me to stand on it and tighten
things up with monkey wrench. Il
said nay, theoretically it is all right,
practically it would be all wrong" Mr..
Smart Alec, however, persuaded Will
lam to monkey with the wrench 70
PENIS sorrow, for the instant that the
| wrench touched the Dynamo it was as
lively as a circus. Williams feet shot
out straight, his head was battered up
against the cylinder and a deuce of a
muss was kicked up. A sad instance
of electricity, a dynamo, and a mon
key wrench being mightier than the
Penn. I almost dreaded to ask Mr.
Franklin any more questions, but fin
ally requested him to give his opinion
regarding Marconi, Tesla and the
Wizard of Menlo park, Mr.. Thomas
Edison. Mr.. Franklin said: my Ii
tie man, due credit should be given
them and the man who wrote the edi-
torial in the Wheeling News of the 14th
inst. for being expert electricians, but
compared to those electrical sharps of
other planets, they are not in it, Put
them up against Dick Daredevil, of
the Dog Star, Merry Maker Mike. and
the Visionary from Venus, and they
would go up against the real thing Z"
He further said: Some of your earth
ly experts go into a Marian dream
and tell us about the density of the
atmosphere, the solidity of the land,
the expansion and contraction of the
gases on the planets, especially that of
Mars. Dear boy. there is nothing
wrong with the density of the inhabi-
tants of the planet Mars, or anything
concerning it; the trouble is that the
people of your world are too dense
think it was Thomas Carlysle who
said: This world is thickly populated
mostly FOOLS" Dear reader you
may think this article the offspring
of the feverish imagination Of a poets
| dream, or Marian dream" but such
is not the truth, for Mr. Franklin saii
TO me: Tell the Evening News man
that he is exceedingly practical, but
that he should remember that the
steam kettle was the fore runner Of the
steam engine, horse cars to cable cars.
from that to electric cars. candle light
to electric light, and other great in
ventions too numerous to mention.
Like a flash of lightning from cloud
less sky the shade of Benjamin Frank
lin vanished, and I, the man with the
tongs, who suffers many wrongs, stood
on the bridge at midnight. Y
AN EnTT0R SHOT