davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
IJOcfors' "CnI Nnns."

The 'cat maps" INDUCED in by the
late DR.. William Pepper constituted a
standing joke among his intimate
friends. He had the faculty Of going
TO sleep at will and waking up when he
willed. He would sometimes when un-
der a mental strain keep a roomful of
patients waiting while he slept soundly
in his private office for three minutes
or five minutes, or as long as he wish
ed. Then he would resume his duties,
greatly refreshed.
Another prominent physician has n
queer habit of mapping, although he
only takes one n day and that directly
after luncheon, which with him is a
hearty meal. He repairs to his office
and throws himself in a chair at
point where the polished wood floor is
not covered by the rug. He holds
bunch Of keys between the fOreGnger
and thumb of his right hand, which is
allowed TO hang loosely over the arm Of
the chair. Then he dOzcs off. but ii is
never more than n dOZo for the mo
ment his fingers relax the keys drop to
the bare floor acting as an alarm clock.
1t is scarcely a nap-just a brief re-
Taxation of the mental and bodily
faculties. The doctor calls it his siCSta,
and if he misses il he says he doesn't
feel quite himself for the rest of the
Record
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
A Point at Issue.

Several Of the lawyers had told their
stories, some Of which ridiculed the
continued use Of legal verbiage and the
absurd lengths to which members OF
the profession sometimes go in taking
advantage Of technicalities.
"a rank outsider" announced the
member of the profession who had
been good listener, "a client of mine,
supplied the best instance Of literal In
depreciation that ever came to my
knowledge. He was executor under q
will that, among other provisions, re-
quired the payment of an annuity to a
venerable aunt Of the testator. But
proof of her being alive mus. be made
before each payment, and this is the
rock on which the executor struck.
The old lady proved herself In the
flesh, drew her money and went to Cal
ifornia, where she spent two years
without putting In her claim. On her
return she went in person and demand
ed the double allowance due her.
'"The conscientious executor got out
the will, studied 1t, scratched his head
and finally handed down his opinion:
Madam, you are alive now. There
can be no reasonable question as to
that, for have the conclusive evidence
of my own eyes. But | am possessed
OF no legal proof that you were alive a
year ago. | am, as you know, within
the restrictions of the Will l will pay
the annuity for this year, but must in
sist upon satisfactory affidavits that
you were not dead when the preceding
annuity was passed
1T took me the better part of day
to convince him that he should settle
In full. ."-DetrOit Free Press.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
A5Nks;:h,.lsQ ;.
-5If.z5e5=.5I-l.ss: S: ~
sSsS Z
TROUBLE IN THE OFFICE.
1t Was Caused by the Editors Co
nundrun.

1t Was Caused by the Editors Co
nundrum.
"Why is n woman like an umbrellaF
asked the exchange editor.
Because she's made Of ribs and at
tached to a stick" replied the informa-
ton editor "Why is
Wrong. Guess again"
Because she always has to be shut
up when
"Naw! You fatigue me-
Because she stands in the hall
and
"Naw It's nothing about standing
in the hail.
"a woman is like an umbrella be
cause nobody ever gets the right one
Why is'
'Ring off! That isn't the answer Ell
ther"
ITS a better one than you've got"
Don't you reckon | know whether it
is or not? Whose conundrum is this
yours or mine?'
"Well, she's like an umbrella be-
cause 1t isn't because she fades with
age, is itt'
you ought to be ashamed Of your
self"
Il am. Is it because you have to put
up when it's cloudy and threatening
No; that can't be it. Because she's a
good thing to have in the house. Why
IS
You're not within four counties of
It,"
Because you can't find any pocket
in either Why is''-
"No choice. Vote again"
81 won't. a woman isn't like an UNI
brella. There is not the slightest re
semblance. You go on with your work
and let me alone"
81 knew you couldn't guess it. It's
because she's accustomed to reign
Then the information editor rose in
his wrath, and they were only pre-
vented from doing mischief to each
other by prompt-and wholly unex
pected-work on the part of the labor
editor.-ChicagO Tribune.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
A. Serious ORenRe,

Not long since an American resident
of Hamburg had an amusing expert
ence Of the seriousness Of German off,
cialdom.
Her pug puppy barked friskily one
evening from his place In the front gar
den at O semi-intoxicated custom house
officer who leaned against the palings.
The next morning a ponderous docu-
ment was presented to the owner
lnC u0nBUAOoc oO6 SAAv&A~ -~~R- -
the house under a penalty Of S25 until
the official veterinarian should pro-
nounce upon his condition.
For ten days poor puggy was kept In
the house before the state official found
1t convenient to call, and he was then
bravely freed from his durance, as the
inspector found him not suffering from
hydrophobia nor in danger Of biting
Philadelphia Press.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
WHAT MODERN SAILOR6FEAR

Not Winds ana Seas, but an ENpi"-
sion Which Scutties the ship.
"Hoilrr explosions are the terror Of
the scafaring man." said an old time
deep water captain. such a thing is
bad enough on dry land, but imagine a
catastrophe of that kind at sea. In
nincty-nine cases out Of a hundred it
means the absolute wiping out of the
craft itself and every soul on board.
The average landsman would be
greatly shocked in looking over the
maritime records to see how many YES
sells disappear each year and leave
absolutely no clew to their fate. They
run well up to the hundred mark, and
such a mystery is not to be explained
away by storms. A Chinese typhOOn
may swoop down like lightning out of
a clear sky and tear a ship to pieces,
but some floating WTeckage is sure to
tell the tale. A boiler explosion, OH the
contrary, will blow a hole as big a
railroad tunnel right through the center
Of the hull, and the stricken vessel
simply goes down like a shot There
is no time TO unfaSten q boat from the
davitS or cut loose a spar
'In the opinion of amen, that is
the story of at least 80 per cent of the
ships that leave port and are never
heard of again Luckily the modern
system Of marine boiler inspection
is extremely strict and thorough, but it
is impossible to absolutely prevent
carelessncss and fraud, and often
enough, no doubt, the fault lies with
the engineer.
There is an old story of a drunken
Scotchman who mistook the ther-
mometer for the steam gage and 'cuss-
ed out the stokers because he couldn't
get the pressure above 80. That yarn
will hardly hold water, but I've seen
cases almost as bad. am glad to say,
however, that during the past 10 years
there has been steady dimtnutiOn Of
the number of vessels which 'mys-
teriously disappear That is due, be
yOnd all question, to the increased
stringency of boiler inspection and the
greater strictness of examinations be.
fore a license is issued to engineers.
Nevertheless there is still considerable
room for improvement in both
| branches. New Orleans Times-Demo
| crat.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
CHOICE MISCELLANY
Photography In Fog.

T6~speak of photography in fog
sounds like a cutting from n comic
paper rather than a serious scientific
fact, but 1t is scientific fact none the
less, says the New York Journal, and
the man who is conducting investga-
tons In this peculiar line of photogra-
ply is the shrewd, energetic ruler of
the German empire.
Quite recently the kaiser has been
steaming about in the Baltic on his
yacht, ostensibly on pleasure bent, but
in reality with far different object.
He was accompanied by two men
whose skill with the camera and
whose knowledge of its construction
are unequaled and the result of that
little trip will be the beginning Of i'm
portant developments in connection
with the navy and merchant service
Of Germany, If not of other countries.
By means Of a specially constructed
camera the kaiser's friends succeeded
In obtaining clear and distinct photo
when those objects were a mile Off
and both the photographer and the
photographed We're enveloped in a
thick fog. This wonderful result was
obtained with an exposure Of two sec
onds only.
The necessary complement to the
camera is an apparatus that will en-
able the operator to develop his pic
ture in a few seconds so that it can
be thrown on a screen. The perfection
Of this apparatus is now engaging the
attention Of the two scientific men,
the expenses being paid by the Ger
man government.
-1isrchant vessels in a fog could take
sirens in preventing collisions.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
PUZZLED THE JEWELER.
He Wanted n Second Hand Watch
and Finally Got 1t.

He Wanted n second Hand Watch
and Finally Got 1t.
He was evidently a foreigner, and he
walked into one OF the big jewelry
houses on f street and asked for
watch. He would be pleased TO exam
Inc some second hand watches" he
said to the clerk who advanced to meet
him.
This isn't a pawnshop," observed
the clerk haughtily.
"No?" observed the man inquiring'~
"But you have watches| hrd he point
ed to the great showcase GuA II Land
some watches.
Certainly" replied the clerk. Fin
est stock Of watches in the city. How
much do you want to pay for a watchY'
How mooch?" asked the stranger.
"Mooch as he is worth, so that he suits
me. have said that desire a second
hand watch-a good one that shall keep
the time"
"See here, sir; you are off your base.
We don't keep secondhand goods. You
will have to hunt elsewhere for second
hand watches"
The strangers eyes opened wide.
"But you have him there, and there
and there" he said as he began to ges-
ticulate. 81 have said second hand
Watches" spelling 1t as though to make
it palmer, land they are here, every
where, yet you say you have them not.
do not comprehend you"
"Well, do you," replied the clerk
sheepishly as he quickly got behind the
counter. Just a little mix up. No
harm done, hope. Certainly we have
watches with second hands. All our
watches have second hands. We han
die no others" And the stranger got
his second hand watch, for which he
laid down a $50 bill.-Washington Star.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
POkInR Fun nj Chicago.

The capture Of an eagle In Chicago
recalls attention to that city's vast eI-
panse. 1t is rumored that several
large herds OF bison are still at larg'
in the northern wards, while traces OF
living mammoths and remains Of CON-
paratively recent dodo's nest have been
reported from the Jungles Of the far
south. This spring will probably see
the setting out Of several hunting par
ties after "big game" while a scien-
tiflc exploring expedition In search Of
the traditional mountains Of the moon
Is contemplated.-Eew York Tribune.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
A Case Lincoln Would Not Take

All clients knew that, with cold
Abe" as their lawyer, they would win
their case-if it was fair; if not, that 1t
was waste of time to take ii to him.
After listening some time one day to a
would be clients statement, with his
eyes on the ceiling, he swung suddenly
round in his chair and exclaimed:
well, you have a pretty good case
In technical law, but a pretty bad one
In equity and justice. You'll have to
get some other fellow to win this case
for you. | couldn't do It, All the time,
while standing talking to that jury, I'd
be thinking, Lincoln, you're a liar and
l believe | should forget myself and
say ii out ud."-Success.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
She Says.

The girl at the stationery counter was
talking to the girl from the necktie coun-
ter.
Il told him, l says, Now, look here,
/ says, what's the USE | says, of talk
in unless you've got somethin to say?'
l says. 1 don't like to hear a man
shootin off his mouth, | says, Just to
hear himself talk | says. Some peo-
pie, l says, are built that way | says.
and they'll stand and CAB at YOU l
says, till they talk the arm off YOU, L
says, and after they've got through |
says, you don't know what they've been
gabbin about l says. L mint got any
use | says, for those kind of people,
says, and what's more | says, L amt
afraid to tell 'em So l says"
What did he say to that?'
''He didn't say anything, the sIob! l
didn't give him chance. Chicago
Tribune.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
The Spring Fever

is malady which no one can escape
at this season Of the year. The vitality
is usually overtaxed during the winter
months, and spring finds the system all
run down. The blood is thinned and
impure. The kidneys and liver are in
active resulting in loss of energy and
appetite, and a arrangement of the
nerves. Lichtys Celery Nerve Com
pound will purify your blood, tone up
your nerves, and leave you feeling fresh
and energetic. Sold by Rossman q
Son 5 Pharmacy.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23

"Now, John" his wife said, gently
pressing him back when he tried to get
up, you must stay in bed today. I've
telephoned for the doctor, and he's
coming right over"
"AIl right" he submissively replied
as she threw his trousers out Of reach,
you'll find my will and the insurance
policies and so forth in that little tin
box in the third drawer of my desk.
Chicago Times-Herald.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23

When n raid is made upon gam
bling house in Kansas, the furniture
seized must under the law be tried in
court and convicted before being de-
stroyed, just as though it were a hu-
man being A case Of that sort was
tried at Fort Scott a few days ago,
when crap and poker tables, fine car
pets, chairs, etc, were taken to the
market place and burned.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
Fought For His Life.

My father and sister both died of
Consumption, writes J. T. Weather
wax, of Wyandotte, Mich. 'and | was
saved from the SANE frightful fate only
by DR. Kings New Discovery. An at
tack of Pneumonia left an obstinate
cough and very severe lung trouble,
which an excellent doctor could not
help, but a few months use of this won
derful medicine made me as well as
ever and gained much in weight " In
fallible for Coughs, Colds and all Throat
and Lung trouble. Guaranteed bottles
soc and 81 90 at Paules & Cos drug
store. Trial bottles free
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
He Is A Wonder.

All who see Mr.. c. F. Collier, of Cher
olee, Iowa, rs he is now, cheerful, erect,
vigorous, without an ache, could hardly
believe he is the same man, who, short
time ago, had to sit III chair, propped
up by cushions, suffering intensely from
an aching back, in agony if he tried to
toop-all caused by chronic kidney
trouble, that no medicine helped till he
used Electric Bitters and was wholly
cured by three bottles. Positively cures
Ba.ckache, Nervousness, Loss of Appe-
tite. all Kidney troubles. Only soc at
Paules & Co.'S drug store.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
Doesn't Count For Much.

Lovely wedding, wasn't itr asked
the maid of honor.
Quite So" admitted the brides dear
est enemy.
Every detail perfect" suggested the
maid of honor.
"Oh, ! don't know. We might make
an exception OF the groom, don't you
thinkf"
"Oh, possibly, possibly" admitted the
maid Of honor, but that's minor de
tail Chicago Post.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
Five Hundred Dollars For a wom-
ans Life.

Judge Hayden of Akron. O., in sus-
tanning a verdict of $500 against rail-
way company for a woman's life In
spite of the fact that $4,000 was
awarded Tor mans life lost In the
same wreck, says that the life of wo-
man under ordinary circumstances can
not be as valuable as the life of man,
that the man In question was ablebod-
led and earning good wages for a
young wife and that the woman was
growing old and could not be of great
use. Advocates Of equal rights for men
and women will be likely to criticise
this decision.-BoSton Globe.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
Precept and Example.

"When you find yourself admitting
slang word or phrase into your vocabu-
larry, young ladies and gentlemen"
earnestly eXhorted the professor of
rhetoric, "cut it out"
Bless his old heart! He thought he
was merely using n striking and ex-
pressive figure of speech. - Chicago
Tribune
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23

Indispensable Under Circumstances.
.r.c'-r.cr, cr,frnr-orcnin ha ntismal fonD
be presented.
Mother of Intended Candidate On
perturbed whisper to husband)-Thcre!
1 knew we had forgotten something,
Archibald. Run home quick and fetch
the baby.-Boston Courier.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
Just Like n policeman

whats the charger" asked the
judge.
"Impersonating an officer" answered
the prosecutor.
what was he doing"
'I saw him helping himself to fruit
and peanuts from a street vender's
stand d"-Chicago Post.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
An AHrnnt to- Cnnid.

Daughter, what makes you look so
seriousT
"Well, pa, what would you think Of
a young man who took advantage Of
Lent to drop from his customary 81
box Of caramels to a cent bag of pea
nuts ?-Detroit Free Press
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
When YOu Get A Headache

don't waste minute but 60 to your
druggist and get a box of Krauses
Headache Capsules. They will prevent
pain. even though your skull were
cracked. They are harmless, too.
Reed the guarantee. Price 25c. Sold by
Rossman & Sons Pharmacy.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
An ArffuI nepEnr.

Miss Believe-Beggars are all frauds
I met blind man yesterday who said,
"Please gimme a penny or two, lovely
lady"
Miss Behave-Yes. He said that to
make you think he was really blind
Chicago Chronicle.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
FUN FROM YONKERS.
4 Budget of Jests Guaranteed to Cure
the Blues.


Mrs. Church-Does your girl seem to
want to stay in any one place longf
Mrs. Gotham-Oh, yes; she seems to
prefer the parlor.
'T'm not worthy of your devotion,
George"
"Oh, | don't know! Your fathers got
money, hasn't he!"
Patience felt 50 embarrassed. That
nice looking fellow with the blond mus
tache kept his eyes on me nearly the
whole evening.
Patrice-Yes; he's brain specialist.
The Brooklyn lady was showing her
little niece through the art gallery.
"Oh, look, auntie, at the woman with
cut any arms
Yes, dearie, that is an ancient god
dess"
Il didn't know they had trolley cars
in those days, auntie"'
She-You say you love the girl"
He-Madly.
"And what does she sayF
she asks me 10 learn 10 forget uer'
'Well, that's easy"
"Oh, no, it's nOtn'
"All you have to do is to marry her"
Church, understand the jury stood
II to / in favor of acquittal at first.
Gotham-That's right. We did.
"Wen, how in the world did the IL
ever come around to think as the one
man?"
"Wen, you see, the fellow who was
alone for conviction knew the prisoner
pretty well, and he told US that the fel-
low had a lot of interesting children, and
he was forever telling stories about theI
marvellous sayings, so we thought II
wouldn't hurt to lock him up for a few
weeks" s."-Yonkers Statesman.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
Oh inese Ern,

The "Chinese era" begins B. c. 2697,
with the accession Of the Emperor Yao
who first devised a calendar for the
Chinese dividing the year into $50 days
with an extra day every fourth year.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23

He-Which do you prefer, Homer or
Virgil?
She-Virgil.
He-Why?
She-Didn't he begin the Enid"
with something about arms and the
man?-Syracuse Herald.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
DriXeNNnX of Twenty NiiIea


Even New Workers have, as n gen
eral thing, little idea of the change
that Is coming over New York I'm re-
spoct to its external appearance. The
Improvement that has been wrought
by the great system of beautifully paw
ed streets and the cutting through Of
parkways and driyeways is unknown
10 most of our people. ! wonder how
many there are who know that with
the finishing Of the yiaduct across
Manhattan valley at Riverside drive.
we have practically completed a 20
mile driveway. As soon as the new
avenue that is to connect this yiaduct
with the French boulevard to the north
or One Hundred and Twenty-fifth
street has been finished there will be
continuous stretch Of roadway from
Seventy-secOnd street and Central park
TO One Hundred and Tenth street. to
Riverside drive, to the vladuct, to the
French boulevard to Dykeman street.
to the speedway, to St Nicholas ave-
nue. and back TO the park. This beau
dful drive, nearly 20 miles long. is
lined for almost its entire length with
handsome dwellings, and the pave
ment is the most perfect in the world
New York Letter.
rev milk md rats constitute a bal
need ration for the barn cats. See
hat they have the milk If you want |
them to catch the rats.
Well, there is this comfort anyhow |
good crops almost always grow where |
the bad roads are. 1t is easy to have |
good roads on poor soils.
Skunks do not hibernate as do bears, |
but will come out of their dens on the |
river bank during the milder days Of
the winter in search Of food.
We came across a small western
town lately where a creamery made
butter to the value of $4,000 each
year. That community wag rich
For Female Complaints,
and diseases arising from an impure
state Of the blood Lichty's Celery Nerve
Compound is an invaluable specific Sold
by Rossman q Son 5 Pharmacy.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23

Mrs Church-Does your girl seem to
want to stay in any one place longf
Mrs. Gotham-Oh, yes; she seems to
prefer the parlOr.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
purchase the necessary machinery
make produce daily fully Three Thousand Dollars in Gold
You can buy any number of Shares YOU Wish.

neof
and etrue
dthereb
5 cling its soutpu
Ocenp start
raj
The re
eor tmIered
h
deep neandl dlO1
the
fee o
aproduce ofgoldo
n lie 0 bank AN dminn gengines
more i'm
the
Stka o the
tn ereia
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
NHM. ASE w EST,
j. j. 3 ROW N,
THE EYE a SPECIALITY.

THE EYE A SPECIALTY
Eyes tested, treated, fitted with glass
es and artificial eyes supplied.
311 Market Street, Bloomsbury, Pa.
Hours-10 a. IN. to ) p. m.
Telephone 1886
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23

I'm not worthy Of your devotion,
George"
"Oh, | don't know! Your fathers got
money, hasn't he?"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23

rev milk md rats constitute a bal
need ration for the barn cats. See
hat they have the milk If you want
them to catch the rats.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23

Skunks do not hibernate as do bears,
but will come out Of their dens on the
river bank during the milder days Of
the winter in search Of food.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23
For Female Complaints.

and diseases arising from an impure
state Of the blood Lichty's Celery Nerve
Compound is an invaluable specific Sold
by Rossman q Son Pharmacy.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23

Well, there IS this comfort anyhow
good crops almost always grow where
the bad roads are. 1t is easy to have
good roads on poor soils.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23

We came across a small western
town lately where a creamery made
butter to the value of $4,000 each
Vear Thst commuuitv v-ag rich
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-05-23

The girl at the stationery counter was
talking to the girl from the necktie coun-