The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-10-19
UMBRELLA DEDUCTIONS.
Human Characteristics shown in

Human Characteristics shown in the Ways of Carrying them. The man who sat nearest the window said he didn't mind the wet weather, Tt gives me chance to see how peo- ple carry their umbrellas" he said. T have such firm faith in my deductions that I wouldn't be afraid to choose a wife with them for guide The woman on his left smiled.
 I'm glad I'm not out there in the street." she said. You'd be picking out all the kinks in my disposition along with the rest of them"
 Oh" said the man, T sized you up a long time ago. You carry an umbrel- la, when it's furled, just like that wo- man across the street. You grab 1t in the middle and go forging ahead with the ends of the handle digging into the unfortunate pedestrians who go before and follow after"
 And what does that signify" asked the woman on the left.
 "Alertness, activity, selfishness and inconsiderateness."
 "Um-m," said the woman. But Just look at the third woman in the procession" said the man. T pity the men folks about her house. I'll warrant they have to get their own breakfast about six mornings out of the seven I never saw yet woman who dragged her umbrella along so that you could trace her by the trail of the tip who wasn't dilatory and shiftless. She never sews on button, or darns or mends, and her breakfast dishes are seldom washed before two o'clock.
 That other woman who Is bustling along holding to the top of the umbrel- la handle like grim death and pointing the top down and forward in a kind of south-by-south- west erly direction Is all together different She would set the , world on fire if it wasn't waterlogged. I am not sure that I'd want to be mar ried to her either She'll be too ener- getic. She'd push everything before her. and when she took a notion to clean things up a mere man would have nowhere to lay his head, What she is good for is serving on commit tees.
 That woman in the gray skirt is yet-and- nay sort of person. She wants to agree with everybody and follows wherever led Women who carry their umbrellas with the point backward and downward are always unassertive.
 "But just look at that girl who spins , along swinging her umbrella around in a circle as if it were a magic wand. l like her. She's jolly and good-natured and gets more pleasure out of life than ten ordinary people There's a woman carrying her umbrella swung across her shoulder like shotgun. She's a | true soldier of fortune and was never known to say die l can't think of anything that would feaze her.
 The man paused
 And what would you say" asked the woman, about that girl who carries her umbrella horizontally across the small of her back and catches either | end into the crook of her elbow"
 Well" admitted the man, ,''she is a new one on me. I never met her be- | fore, but I wouldn't be afraid to wager that she is conscientious to a degree and has a heart as big as all outdoors. 1 But here" he added, 'comes the most 1 even-tempered woman of the lot. She | cuddles her umbrella protectingly un- der her arm as if she doesn't want even 1 it to get hurt in the crowd. That Wo- i, man is gentle and thoughtful and kind Kansas City Journal.