Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1901-12-12
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| "AAS' NuIuuiNo!Ce-l never nave any
trouble with baby. I've only to sing to
him and he goes right off to sleep. Mrs.
Phaser-What a knowing chid.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
Mlstress-Now, remember. Bridget,
the Joneses are coming for dinner to-
night. CoOk-Leave 1t to me. mum. III
do me worst! They'll never trouble
yez again!-Bazar.
lmpecunious Lover-Be mine, Aman.
da. and you will be treated like an an
gel. Wealthy Maiden-Yes. suppose
so. Nothing to eat. and less to wear.
No. thank you.--TitBits.
Kitty-My dressmaker says it is such
a pleasure to fit gown to me. Edith
Considers 1t sort of artistic triumph,
| suppose? The true artist delights In
ditticulties.-B Boston Transcript.
After the surgical operation: Barber
What will you have on your face.
witch hazel or bay rum? PATRON
Naither one nor the other. Just put
on plain court plashter!-Judge.
Rats and the dog: Gentleman dndig-
nantly)-When l bought this dog you
said he was splendid for rats. Why,
he won't touch them. Dog Dealer
Well, amt that splendid for ratsNTit.
Bits.
The thing to do: "If you woke up
suddenly in the night and found your
self in the den of a man-eating tiger.
what you'd you do?" "I'd promise my
self to quit drinking. "-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
She Tin a whisper)-The little man we
are passing is Robertson Sumter. He
was one of the best known authors In
the country once. He-Strange I don't
remember him. She-But that was
three or four months ago.-Life.
No favoritism: "Please. ma'am." said
the boy who had been absent. II was
kidnapped" "rhat is no excuse" re-
piled the teacher; ~ cannot allow you
liberties simply because your parents
happen to be rich."-Town Topics.
"Your conversation. Mr. Newman"
said Miss Peppery. looking very wise.
but innocent. reminds me of some
champagne" "Ah" exclaimed Hev-
viman. much pleased. $50 sparkling as
that?" mo; but It's extra dry."-Ex.
Employer-l'm afraid you've deceived
me! You came here as college grad
uate. Clerk-Well. what makes you
doubht me. sir? Employer-Why. you
| = {~, o~6 t<% nf
ness that knew better than you.-Chi'
cago News.
mo, SIR" exclaimed the loud-voiced
drummer in the smoker. I'm proud to
say that no house In the country mas
more men pushing its line OF goods
than ours" "What do you SELF" asked
curious one. Baby carriages. "-Sy'
racuse Herald.
Vain ambition: ut seems impossible
to break into society,"" moaneI the par
yenu: this Is the fourth time ! have
been operated on for appendicitis. ana
the only invitation have received IS
one to call and settle with the sur
reon."-Baltimore American.
Jakey was a little German boy, VINO
was always late In getting to school,
One day. however. he arrived before
the bell rung, and running up to the
teacher. he cried: "Vell. to-day. l am
before ut last. always vas pehine
nefore. "-Philadelphia Times.
Success at last: DR.. Brown-Well, ala
Won keep the thermometer in the room
at seventy degrees. as told you? Mrs.
Nurphy-I did indade. DOCTOR but
had hard tonne to do 1t. Inc only
nloce It would stay at sivinty was Tor
ninst the chimney piece.-l-ife.
Citizen-Madam. why do you persist
in punching me with your umbrella
Madam-I want to make you look
around. 80 l can thank you for giving
mo YOUR seat. Now. sir. don't you 60
off and say that women haven't any
mouners.-ChicagoR ecord-Herald.
HeIf YOU did not love me why did
Won encourage me? She-t? Encour'
age YOU? He-For two years you have
accepted every one Of my Invitations
to the theater, ct cetera. She-That was
not because loved you; 1t was because
| loved the theater.-l!lustrated Bits.
Out at sea: Mrs. Gull @ngr'iyl-I
heard what you said to that Miss Sea-
NOW. Mr.. Gull--lIeard what! MIS-.
Gull-Heard you say just as plain as
day: "Meet me at the pier. dearest.
Mr.. Gull-Oh. rats! You just ran 'hto
one of those wireless messages from
that steamer.-Judge.
Jost-Abner's the greatest reader
here at the Corners An that haint
all. he acts on what he reads Lige-
View bet he does! Now last week ter
nv certain knowledge he answered
two advertisements of matrimonial bu'
reaus. sent for three packages or love
nowdcr an book on hypnotlsm. an
he also sent dollar ter Teller III Ne"
York for seventeen ways ter git rich III
three months!-Puck.
ut used to be my ambition" said the
business man, ITO accumulate fortune
and then retire." "Well." answered the
friend. "haven't you realized it!' NO
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