Evening star., 1901-12-14
The Dry Wit Of the 0ld-Time
Scotch Oaddies.
KNEW THEIR MASTERS WEAK POINTS
Some Marked Characters on St.
Andrews Links.
A BADGE OF FRIENDSHIP


The time was when the caddie identified
himself with his master. I'VE" was on his
lips when speaking about his masters play.
He was like the old beadle to his parish
minister: their interests were the same.
And to a great extent the caddie possessed
much Of the humor of the beadle. He was
a very important parsonage, and an inde-
pendent critic. OF course, he knew golf; he
knew his masters weakness as well as
strength; he studied his masters play so
carefully that he just put the required club
into his hands for every stroke.
There were marked characters among
them. Who does not remember Sandy Pi-
rie, Mathie Gorum, Lang Willie, Biery, San
dy Smith, Big Crawford, the Skipper and
the like. Their names are as familiar to
golfers Of old as household words And
the real gentleman does not consider his
caddie's humorous remark as anything per-
tanning to impertinence. He enjoys it,
though it may sometimes be at his own
expense.
Beginners have to stand some very Sc
we're remarks at times. A swell, who COM
menced play on a new course, pretented
that he was skilled in the game. He asked
the caddie the length of the first hole. Il
suppose, drive and putt?' "Rayther
mair,' answered the caddie, as he took the
swells number. The ball was teed, and the
swell drove off with a fooZle, on which the
caddie quantity remarked: I'VE commonly
tax the drive afore the putt here" as IL
the fooZle were putt.
Confidential Relations.
A golfer generally has some conceit of
himself; poor player always imagines he
can play better than he is seen to do. II
play with Captain s. today" said one of
these to his caddie, Il suppose he is fairly
good second-class player?'' The captain"
l.,
He is nae better than yerseI' "
Sometimes a caddie gets far into the con-
fidence of his master. Mathie Gorum's hui
NOR was unconscious, yet he trusted his
masters leave to speak on. His continual
remark after poor shot. was in the way
OF encouragement: 1T micht hae been
waur.' His master, a clergyman, was
wearied with this well-meaning fiattery.
Accordingly to make sure that he would
squash the remark for once, he told the
caddie that he had had a terrible dream
the night before. "Mathie, my man, l
dreamt that l was in the place where the
wicked are punished. 1 saw the wretched
ones tortured; they were swimming in a
lake of boiling pitch, and could not get
landed for red hot pitchforks thrust in their
faces by demons He halted minute,
with his tongue in his cheek; when with
perfect coolness the caddie answered: AYE,
sir. that was bad dream, jist awful; but
1t mlcht hae been waur." 'Waur. you fool.
how could that be?" 1T might hae been
true
A Badge of Friendship.
Sandy Smith was once carrying to Lord
kingsburgh, who is keen but not first
class player. In fact his strokes at times
did not 60 far. In approaching a hole, he
heard his opponent in the foursome asking
for his short spoon, and to be upsides with
his opponent. he asked Sandy for the same
club. Sandy was astonished, but he quiet
~ whispered to his master: IF yer lowrd-
snip Wad Jist TAX yer lowrdships driver,
your lowrdShip wad Wun nearer the hole
If yer lowrdship didna get up TILT" An
other day, Sandy was carrying to another
gentleman, when Lord Kingsburgh hap
pened pc to be passing The gentleman, a
That's Lord Kingsburgh." do you know
his lordshp? His lowrdship?" remarked
Sandy, raising himself up with air of dig
Ing hold Of his trousers he said with graft
fcation: 'Thaes his lowrdship's breeks"
Last winter Sandy was seen standing dis
consolate near the first hole, when gen
must be dull for him in the shape of en-
ployment. Aye, SIR answered Sandy,
with a meaning look. its gey hard for
man tae stand for an 'oor wi naething in
his pooches but his haunds."
How's the Principal playing today?'
asked a golfer of the Skipper, when pass
ing. Just awful whispered that caddie.
He's tappin ilka ba' and he's damnin' lac
himself. The same Principal Tulloch was
a keen but erratic player, and had a bad
fault of skying his balls. One day the
wind was strong, and the Principal was to
play against Professor Heddle on ST. An
drewS links. moo, Preencipal," said the
Skipper, for aimee drive low, an gie's name
O. thae hallelujah shots against the wund."
Professor Sellar Of the Greek chair, when
the play was deplorably bad: Mind sir.
ony budy can learn thae laddies Greek or
Latin, but it tak's held tae play govt"
A "Wee BIaspheemerous."
Mr.. Campbell Of Saddell was as true a
gentleman as ever touched a club, but
when he missed a stroke, he would not hesi-
tate to give expression to supplementary
language. Lang Willie, his caddie, did not
like to say anything Of a fault finding ma
ture against his master, but being pressed
to give his opinion of Mr.. Campbell said:
HE noos an thans Gums oot WI a bit
sweer, whun he tops his ba'; but some
times sweerin' is a guild set aft tae the con-
versation." Being pressed for more def
mite opinion, he said: "Weel. sir, he's a
guid, free-spoken shentleman; but while's
he's jist wee blaspheemerous!'
Lang Willie was a well-known character.
He carried with long coat and tile hat,
as the golfers played in the 'tnirties" and
"forties." One day at St. Andrews Willie
was carrying for duffer, who continually
lost his temper. Willie might forgive Mr.,
Campbell for slip O. the tongue" but
not duffer. This player, after an exceed
iingly bad strike. turned round and broke
his club in disgust On this Willie looked
at him with pity, and after a pause, said
Sir. it's varra fuIsh.'
The other day at Kingdom four Edin-
burgh gentlemen, with flash red coats, were
playing most miserably. AS they were on
their way to the second hole, caddie of
the party who met them asked a caddie Of
a redcoat how the foursome was getting on,
las shures DEATH" he whispered they
hauved the first hole in saxteen!'' The
other smiled grimly at what he considered
to be an impertinent joke, and said, TT wad
be a grand story, il it were jist a wheen
truer." 'As shure's deith. it's true"
Then" answered the other. eff wur you,
I'd cairy be the 'oor. an no be the roond"
A Safe Prediction.
Waite Alexander was q safe critic,
though he was not devoid Of humor. Cap
tain Broughton saw Waite crossing from
the Old Union parlor to Allan's corner.
where the caddies used to stand for a
Chance In the "f1fties." "Well, Wattie
what about the day?" IT wus list over
Iookfn, af tha glass" "And what does If