Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-05-21
GOOD
Short Stories

One day, at Burlington House. Ten
nyson is said to have asked the guests
a conundrum which he had just made:
"Who are the greatest women in the
world" The answer was: Miss
Ouri, the Misses Ippi and Sara Gossa."
W. s. Gilbert, of Gilbert and Sullivan
opera fame, was one day standing on
the steps Of his club house in London,
when stranger approached and asked:
Does man belong to your club witn
one eye named Walker?" Il don't
know" was the answer; whats the
name of his other eye?"
Arthur Simmons, the venerable negro
attendant at the White House, was doz-
ing in his chair the other day, when an
usher rushed upstairs and said: MAN
down here wants to see Mr.. Cortelyou."
Cant see him." replied Arthur, with
dignity. "But this man says he's got
to see him." Don't care nothin' about
that" said Arthur, preparing to resume
his doze; nobody can see Secretary
Cortelyou; he's gone into his sanctum
sanitarium."
Thomas Lincoln, the father Of Abra-
ham Lincoln, was great story-teller,
and one yarn that he never tired Of re-
hearsing was a blood-curdling Indian
tale. One day, when he was about
seven or eight years old, and living In
Kentucky, he was sitting on a fence,
watching his father and older brothers
at work in the field. Without a mo-
ment's warning, small band of In
dians came rushing by on horseback.
One Of them, with a sweep Of his long
arm, seized the lad and galloped off.
Little Tommy Lincoln looked up into
the red warriors face, and said: Don't
kill me. Take me a prisoner" The
Indian smiled. Just then a rifle
cracked. Indian and boy tumble1 off
the horse, the Indian dead, with a bull
let in his brain. Tommy Liucoln's
brother had come to the rescue.
Once, when Mark Twain was to lee
ture in a small Western town, he was
greeted at the railway station by the
minister, who was to be his host during
his brief stay. On their way to the
parsonage, the minister asked If 1t
would be agreeable to Mark IL he
opened the lecture with prayer, as
was the custom. Of course the humor-
ist was delighted, and accordingly,
when they reached the hall that even
ing, the minister left the lecturer sitting
in the corner Of the platform, took the
center Of the stage himself, and pro-
ceeded to offer prayer about half an
hour long, in the course Of which he
gave his views on all the current affairs
Of interest and concluded by saying:
"And now, o Lord, we have with us to-
night a man who is known throughout
all the world as the great American
humorist. Help us, o Lord-help us to
US, and to be amused by it; and if pos
sible, grant that we may derive some
real benefit from his lecture
Talking of the inaugura ton of James
Buchanan, L. A, McCreary, of Wash
ington, D. c., said: THE Kirkwood
the roof, and the rush was so great that
store-rooms were used to make room
for the throng. One of these had nc
window-only door, and when a man
from Maine trudged in at midnight OF
March Sd, he was very glad indeed te
take the only thing left-the window
less store-room. On the morning OF
March 5th, the man from Maine ap
peared as the desk and wanted to know
when the ceremonies were to take
place. 'Ceremonies?' asked the clerk
what do you mean?' Why said the
man, the inauguration The clerk
thought he was mentally unbalanced
and eyed him suspiciously, until he ex
claimed: L was awake half a doze1
times, but didn't want to dress in the
dark, thinking it was still night, and 81
l went to sleep again. 1 got pretty
hungry at last, and that made me ge
up. When does the next train leay,
for Bangor? 1 want to get back tt
Gods country, where they have sun
shine.'"