The Oskaloosa herald. (Oskaloosa, Mahaska County, Iowa) 1885-1919, 1901-09-26

/ Phillips went up to Des Moines to
ask Cato Sells how well he stood in
with his party.
Phebussassured Ph@ton that he
was his son, and as proof thereof
offered to crafty any request the
boy might make.
Cato told Phillips he was bully
good fellow, and could have anything
in sight
Ph@ton asked the privilege of driv-
ing the chariot of the sun one trip
around the earth.
Phillips asked the nomination for
governor of the great state of Iowa.
Phebns saw his mistake at once
and begged Phaeton to choose some
thing else. "Why my son" he said,
sit is all my strong, trained arms
can do to guide the steeds Alright,
and keep the chariot in it's beaten
path. Choose, pray thee, some
other proof of my love and good will. t"
Cato said: "Tom l adore thee and
have~a wholesome regard for your
influence with the White Breast coal
company in Illinois, but beware of
your desire. have looked the.ground
over myself and /, with all my ability
of talking day after day without say
ing anything, would not attempt the
race. Choose something else. o Ex-
Mayor! Take the office of Superin-
tendent of Public Instruction so you
may come down easier"
Phaeton was irreconcilable and de-
manded his choice.
Phillips swore he would have the
nomination for GovernorI or rip the
platform into clap boards, spank
every mothers son of a Democrat,
and send them to bed without q
candle.
Phaeton boarded the chariot with
great glee, slapped the horses with
the reins, and away he went, Phaeton
first lost his breath, then his grip and
finally his head. The horses reared
and plunged, dashed over.ifences,
across lots, now leaped toward the
stars, now darted toward the earth,
went at right angles to the Govern
ment survey, and cut up Dido gener-
ally. 1t took council of the gods to
stop them, and even then their speed
was not checked until they had
dragged the chariot so near.to the
stars that it blistered the heavens
into the Milky Way, and so close to
the earth that it set fire to Mount
Aetna, Mount Olympus, and Ossa
and Pindus. Aethiopia was made so
hot that its people were all turned
black, and Libyan was turned into a
desert that centuries of rain has not
soaked up Even Neptune, the god of
the sea, became 80 warm that he had
to seek the most bottomless depth
to keep from being converted into
boiled oil. Phaeton became a shoot
ing star and what was left of him
landed in the river Eridanus. Here
he was condemned to remain under
water in order to prevent being con-
sumed by the fire of regret that
burned in his breast.
Phillips got the nomination by the
skin of his teeth, and began to talk
with all the abandon that a populistic
tongue could furnish a Democratic
wind-pipe. He did not get chance
to say much until Cato got him by
the coat collar, but sufficient was out
to stir up hornets nest in the State
Democratic tepee and set fire to a
can Of gasoline in the Leader Office
at Des Moines, one ia the Gazette at
Burlington, the Democrat at Daven-
port, the Telegraph at Dubuque, and
the Gazette at Cedar Rapids. Phillips
sWore it was Jim Weaver who lied,
then it was tie Burlington Hawkeye,
then the Ottumwa Courier, then
Phillips himself, and finally, every
body, including Fred White and the
platform on which he was standing.
The atmosphere became so hot that
Lon BOydson ran home to Montezuma,
went down in the cellar and crawled
into the sewer to keep from saying
out loud what his mouth itches to un-
load. Meantime Phillips has con-
structed a twin screw out of the
wreck of his battleship and is hurry
ing up salt creek where he will find
water, water everywhere, but not a
drop to drink"