West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-07-18


there arc SO many old rubber boots lying
around loose for a liou to chew on, we can.
not see why the ertter should banker after
cross eyed editor,
Colonel Dawson, the contractor, has dis.
covered from a search of the records that
every man lynehed in this territory during
the last ten years has died smiling and in
happy eoutentmeut, and he is using the fact
as an inducemeut for eastern people to
emigrate this way.
Mr.. William Scott denies that he has
headed petition 10 the postmaster general
to have us removed from our postmastership
because we rode our own mule in a running
race last week and came in three lengths
ahead and won a $50 purse. We had to
call upon him with a gun before he would
make public statement, but when he got
to talking he couldn't say enough in our
favor.
Mr. Shayne, the popular and respected
druggist, deeply regrets his mistake in put
ting up morphine for quinine the other day
and thereby causing the death of teamster
named Williams. lie was rushed at the
time, aud the mistake was natural one,
and we think there has been enough said
about it, See Mr.. Shayne's new ad. in
this issue.
The eighteenth slot machine TO reach
Giveadam Guild in the last twelve months
was shot to pieces Monday night in Franks
gin palace. Civilization will come by and
by, but these attempts to force it will be
disastrous for decade to come.
Chicago paper thinks it beneath our
dignity as editor, mayor and postmaster to
own fighting dog. We agree with it. It
is as private citizen that we own dog
which has won I5 victories during the last
year and still growls for other cannes to
conquer. Officially we wouldn't know the
dog if we met him on the street.
There isn't an iota Of cpo,ism in onr
make up, but we think it our duty to say
that any town engaging US to deliver a
Fourth of July address for $50 spot cash
will get something worth four times the
money The address will run for two hours
and provoke the widest enthusiasm. II Is
so fervid from beginning to end that there
is NO need of fireworks in the evening.
road agent stopped and robbed the
mail carrier on the Long Jack route the
other day and got ~ cents for his pains.
This seems TO be running an honored pro-
fession into the ground
Old Jim lIewson drank a gallon of
whiskey the other day to ward off the grip,
and next day he had delirum tremens and
grip too, and at this writing is seeing
snakes and calling for his mother.
The man who wrote us a letter from New
Mexico last week saying that he would be
here the FIRST day Of August and shoot six
bullets into our anatomy is informed that
We have made memorandum Of the the
date and will be ready for him.
During the hustle Of going to press last
week little item about Noah and his ark
slipped in unperceiycd and we hereby
apologize to our subscribers. The item
spoke Of him as "Od Noah" and his ark as
a catamaran. We have always spoken in
the most respectful terms Of the gentleman
referred to, and We regard it as pretty late
IN the day 70 chticise his shipbuilding.
On leaving the common council room last
Tuesday evening, where we had presided as
mayor, Alderman Finnegan attempted 10
pull our official nose. The alderman IS now
in bed with a broken leg aud his neck
twisted around over his right shoulder Il
may be an odd notion on our part, but we
object 20 other people handling our nose
The clone Jack Recorder says that we
hold seven political Offices aud are wire pull.
iug for the eighth and asks IL such things
can iSand Arizona remain right side mp
The RECORDER" man is iu error. We hold
FIVE political Offices and arc after the sixth,
and Arizona was never more solid on her
pins.
Old Bob DAVIS. who lives alone in the
mountains and is terror To- bears, came
down 70 the lowlands The other day for
powder and lead and was knocked out 20
hear that the world was going right along 10
the same old grooves lie had an idea that
a landslide had tipped most Of the earth mp
on one side.
When we claim to.ooo,o 900 weekly cifcu.
laion for "The Kicker ve DE about 10. Of
course, and that's The difference bcrwccn
New York and an Arizona editor. rs an
in the profession, however. and an meant 90