The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1901-10-27

thing. for she was certain that some one
would die within a year, while the minister
thought he would die within minute. The
sign failed, however, but the deacon
wouldn't buy another mirror; he said his
wife secured the pans so bright that she
didn't need a mirror and a tin pan was
safer because it couldn't be cracked, and
thus saved the anxiety of suspense waiting
for some one to die TO prove the sign a
true one.
Its unlucky for a black cat to look in
at the window" said the deacons wife,
as she threw the poker at it, and, sure
enough, this sign proved a true one, for
the poker hit seven of her best china cups
and smashed every one of them to pieces.
She never puts an umbrella the bed
because that means disappointment, and
it's a pity there are not more of these
signs intoxicating good order, for then one
might find umbrellas in the umbrella rack
and other things where they ought to be.
All these and many other signs have their
Importance in regulating the life and ac-
tons of the deacons wife, and no expostu-
lation or ridicule will teach her or shame
her into casting them away. And the dea-
con is just as set in his ways as his wife.
THE MINISTER'S FAILURE.
In vain does the worthy minister exhort
these worthy people, quote the Command
ment about false gods, refer to Demetrius
the silversmith, Alexander the coppersmith,
who dealt in pocket idols; Simon the sor-
cerer, and the damsel who brought her
master much gain by soothsaying. They
acknowledge their error, but forsake 1t
not: although they may hide their fetiches
from the public gaze they continue to en-
shrine them in their hearts and worship
them in secret.
The minister, on the contrary-it won't do
to lay too heavy burden on the deacon
has his failings in things medical. He is
a. jealous, Incorporate temperance advo-
cate. He thunders forth anathemas from
his pulpit against the wine that is red and
stings like an adder, yet he braces up his
nerves for the occasion with the deceitful
vet stimulant "calisaya," which is great
deal redder and as bitter as the gall OF
affection He reviles the vile weed and
those who smoke it, and yet nauseates
everybody by the viler odor of cubeb cigar
cites or coca cigars, which he smokes on
the sly, to cure catarrh, whether he has
it or not on the principle that a bad ex-
cuse is not so bad as none He argues
with bitter invective against the opium
habit and pities its victims when he ought
10 pity himself. for he takes trOches and
cough lozenges on his own responsibility,
which the doctor would prescribe with eau
ton. if at all, knowing that they contain
morphine. cocaine or some other equally
harmful drug.
The minister is a great believer in herbs,
too. If he had his way about 1t all the
druggists would live in the poorhouse and
every man would raise his own medicine
in an herb garden. Not that roots and
herbs are at all bad-in their place-they
are very good sometimes, but while il is
harmless, if not nice for a well man to
fool with bone-set tea, for a tonic, it is
dangerous for sick man to drink lobelia
tea without regard to strength or quantity.
The minister's wife doesn't believe in
medicine in any form; she takes the Bible
literally and believes I'm the efficacy of
prayer in all things. Incidentally she takes
no heed for the morrow, but the Lord
doesn't make up for her neglect of her
plain duty. and doesn't set a bountiful
table. so that the minister wishes his wife
would cooperate little and at least inter
view the butcher and baker once in a
while She is an ardent Christian Scent
ist; she says If you're good YOU won't be
i'll; If you have been very bad, sickness is
the punishment. graded according To the
wickedness, and, TO cap the climax, if you
don't think you are sick you are not sick.