The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-04-20

came up with one on 1.-THE Fictions Of
Furctions- Detroit Free Press.
II am a geif-made man. said the
pompous individual with his chest OK
banded
The other looked at him critically.
Your excuse is satisfactory he said
Brooklyn Life.
What brought you here, my poor
man 2, inquired the prison visitor
We'll, lady" replied the prisoner, 7
guess my trouble started from atte1din'
too many weddin's-"
"-Ah! You learned to drink there. or
steal, sperhaps?"
mo, lady; 1 was always the bride
groom '-Philadelphia Press.
It was Shakespeare who said. 90 for
a muse of hre!" The poor modern poets,
however, prefer a ton of coal-Atlanta
Constitution.
"a little earning is a dangerous thing. .
Mr.. Hardup said philosophically when
the landlord seized his office furniture
for rent--Montreal Star.
The Ainister-It is hard to say any
thing new in an Easter sermon
His Wife-But I'm sure no one expects
you to do that.-Brooklyn Life.
"Oh. yes, he's travelling in cog They
say he's a knight in England-a knight
or baron of something
He'd better be careful or a night in
NeT York will make him barren of eV-
erything- '-Philadelphia Press
Two OBJ de tiresomest sights on dis
yearf," said Uncle Eben. lis a pore man
pertendin' to be rich an rich man per-
tendin' to be pore Washington Star.
Miss Prye-I can't abide Cousin Fan
ny; she's so suspicious. you know"
Aunt Hanna-SuSDiciOus2
Miss Prye-Yes. a girl who will cover
up the keyhole of the parlor door when
She has company must be a terribly sus-
picious person--Boston Transcript
4 t5uh' i I Wouldn't cry s hard jes cause
I'm cryin' cause I amt big enough to lick
him. Chicago Record
First Actor-Blooningville? I don't re-
member the place How far is it from
second Actor-About three days walk.
Puck
Wigg-Why did Diogenes take a lantern
to look for an honest man?
weren't known in those days.-Phiiadel-
phia Record
$50 she wasn't satisfied when you told
her she was the apple Of your eye, Ell,
No: she. wanted to know who was the
apple of the other ne.'-Philadelphfa
Bulletin
bridget. I want you to take the table
cloth off the dining-rom table after each
Sure, mann. thin Orn only have the
trouble ov putin it on agin. Detroit
Johnnie Jumpuppe-Paw, wot is a Dip
Mr. Jumpuppe-A diplomat my son. is
q man who can call you a liar to your
him to do it again.-Ohio State Journal.
"Ah. Nirabeller' he sighed. May I
not hope that you will be mine forever
sophie gep she E1sn nep IL hof fnaF i snppo
could stop you '-Philadelphia Press.
There are only two kinds Of humor-
spontaneous and compulsory.
other people laugh at our jokes, and com
pulsory humor is the way we laugh at
Young man" said the young ladys
father. you have boosted several times
that you possess an honored name"
Yes. sir" replied the suffer haughtily:
f Bits hon0Fea at and for how much s''-rit-
Nell-Why don't, you marry him?
Belle--Why. he doesn't dance or. do any
HeIl-Bpt he's a splendid swimmer;
London Tit-Bits.
what is the meaning Of the saying.
comparisons are odious' p asked the
yOungster.
1T means replied Mr.. Cumrox. that
it is very bad form to simultaneously call
attention to a mans standing with the
commercial agencies and his rating on
the tax collectors books. ''-Washington
Star.
Amy says her new Easter hat is 2
dream. I suppose you'll see it in church
H M a dream in church isn't new
Philadelphia Bulletin.
do you not regret renouncing the devo-
ton of those men who have SO often
cheeredi you as their leader2
No answered the Filipino who had
just taken the oath of allegiance. I have
thought the matter over carefully. Ia
rather have three meals a day than three
cheers. Washington Star