Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1901-11-29
THE SAGE AND THE REPORTER,

They Hold Somewhat Diverse Views Regarding
NswsPapers-ReIision Considered as an Aid
to Reporterial Work-The Relative Advan-
tases Of Christian Science and Theosophy
Discussed.
Say what you will, there is no
doubt that man is a religious ANIMAL"
remarked the sage.
swell, l suppose So" replied the
reporter, "but l am not specially
hunting religious items, at this time"
Say, young fellow, you want to
get a new nose for sensations; you
don't know good subject when you
see it. You're regular stiff. Won
der the Coroner don't summon a jury
and sit on you"
ooh, suppose you know all about
the newspaper business; just like
Sheldon, the unchristlike news.killer."
Now, don't you 60 to getting gay,
young man; l did the reporting act
long before you were born"
Oh. you did? another newspaper
man gone wrong! Well you should
have kept at it. That's where Morgan
and Rockefeller and Vanderbilt and
Jim Hill, and all that gang, got there
start. It's great as money.maker."
You bet your life it is. Why, l
had a job at $4,000 a year, for three
years. and gave it up in order to get
up first class paper on top of Mt.
Observation-Disclosures journalism you
know. l could practice as a horse
doctor. Had ten years experience
and took a post graduate course in
Europe; but I knoY good thing,
when l see it. The weekly Ringto.
saukus above the clouds beats them
ALL"
Right you are" said l, for it is no
use arguing with man who has them
that bad. $50, just to draw him out,
I reminded him that he had men,
toned that man was religious an
imal."
Yes, he is. The Chinaman burns
paper horses as messengers for the de.
parted soul; the Indian takes his bow
and arrow to the happy hunting
grounds. All kinds OF religions for all
kinds of people. All Offering dead.
head tickets, paid for by the other fell
low. These are the Baptist and Christ.
ian churches, all water route transpor.
tation, and the Methodist, Work-your-
way-system; and the multiiorm Pres
byterian, all cooked and primed-some
gloriOusly damned. some gloriously
saved-its all fixed. but you must each
bet on the game, for you never know
which is which; and the Episcopalian
free-for all, don't interfere with your
religion or your politics; and the
Catholic, pay your money or serve
your time"
"Well, that's a good starter; but
how about the Spiritualists, the Uni
versalists, the Christian Scientists and
the Dowieites?'
can good, for some one. The Uni.
versalists, for select crowd in the
next ring; the Spiritualists for ne.
cromandy; the Dowites especially suit
ed 10 Alexander Dowie; but the Ed
dyite Christian Scientists-for news
paper people,"
"What! Christian Science for news
paper men? Why man, it is neither
Christian nor Sciencer"
Right, you are; but its such de- |
veloper OF the imagination-everything
goes. You imagine you are hungry. |
Christian Science says may, there is |
no such thing as hunger You never
want anything more to eat as long as
ydu live. You see. il you are a c. s.
You are not circumscribed by truth,
or limited by facts, or encountered by |
possibilities. You can write what you |
please"
"But can you provide against q
thirst for drink in the same way?
"Come. my young friend, be reason.
able. The Christian Scientist must
make some provision for heaven, and
and even life has its limitations. But
the best religion for our business is
Theosophy."
Theosophy, transmigration OF souls |
and all thatf How can that help q |
man in the newspaper linei"
Now listen, and I'll give you lit
tie of my personal history, il you will
pardon the seeming egotism Of per-
sonal reference"
"Go on" said I. II can stand al
most anything"
"Some years ago Git was before /
foolishly quit the biz to accept pal
try $25, 900 Year, was on . paper |
down in Texas. John Pressly was one |
of the old families, aristocratic, hot |
headed, sure shot, drunk or sober, and
generally drunk enough to shoot.
Well. John got on . tear, set fire to
niger school house, killed all the lit
tie pickinnies and actually caught the
white school miss and kissed her. It
Was an awful outrage, particularly
kissing the school miss. for she was
neither young nor pretty. Well. I
wrote the matter up in my most lurid
style, and said that John should be
arrested and severely reprimanded by
the Justice Of the Peace. The next
day, John came 10, and before I could
say Jack Robinson he drew and fred
hitting me squarely in the heart. His
next shot took me in the center Of the
forehead and came out the back Of my
head. He had five shots and gave
one in either lung and one through
the bowels. Every shot was instantly
fatal.
"Oh, come of; none Of your Christ
ian Science on mot Do you see any
thing green in my eye" said I, How
could all this have happened and you
stand there in 160 pounds Of flesh,
telling me OF it,"
"That's all right. Every word is
true. When 1 saw John coming. l
knew what was up. So when he com.
menced firing, / just. migrated into
another body and left the old one there
for him to fill with lead. You see I'm
q Theosophist, and that's why 1 saw
it, the religion for a newspaper man.
Well, so long. I must get ont my pa
per-" and the next thing ! saw OF him
he was climbing Mt. Rainier with n
Washington hand press on HE back.