The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1901-09-10
ATE SHELLS AND ALL
AN AMERICANS ORDER OF OYSTERS
IN A LONDON RESTAURANT.

A Joke That Was Taken In Solemn
Earnest and a Subsequent Ex-
PLANTATION That Would Not Be Ac-
cepted as the Truth.
1.-THE English people, or at least as
many Of them as we meet about London,
are beginning to know u.s." said the re-
turned traveller. "Stories of wild red
Indians on Manhattan Island and buffalo
hunts in the adjacent territory don't go
any more. A quarter of century ago
you could stuff 'em with any kind of q
yarn If the scene was laid in the United
States and the actors were Americans.
Now you are apt to get laughed at If you
spring any dime novel stories on the av-
erage man in the street.
"Once when 1 was In London on
business trip 1 was seized with a great
longing for oysters. Visions of them
| broiled, steamed and on the half shell,
such as used to eat In New York, Bal
timore and Washington, haunted me ev-
! cry time sat down to meal, but none
| of them ever appeared on the table.
| English friends assured me that l could
| get them if only went to the right place,
but 1 never succeeded in getting any OF
these men to give me the address. One
day l started out to find an oyster house
on my own hook.
In the Strand l found what / was
| looking for. 1t was a typical London
eating house, but the sign, Oysters In
| Every Style reminded me of home.
entered and as a feeler ordered a dozen
on the half shell. The waiter who serv-
ed me was as solemn as bishop. The
oysters he brought me were the smallest
and meanest looking bivalves ever saw.
They had a shriveled up, forlorn look
about them that was not at oil tempting
and there was nothing In the taste of
them to remind me of the delicious Blue
Point or the more robust Rockaway.
when l had finished eating them,
thought it would be good idea to carry
away the shells to show my friends at
home. They would serve as warning
to any one intending to cross the ocean
against oysters as they are served in
England's capital. So wiped the shells
| dry with my napkin and slipped them
into my pocket.
| "When the solemn looking waiter re-
turned to take the rest Of my order, he
looked first at my plate and then at me.
Then he glanced about the floor on both
sides of my chair and finally stopped
and looked under the table.
"'What's the troubleP asked Ian
guidly.
"Beg pardon, SIR he said, but
what's become of the shellsT
"'Do you mean the oyster shellsT l
asked, without any particular show of
interest.
"'Most certainly he returned, again
poking his head under the table. Hits
most strange whatever has become of
them
Nothing strange about it, said
calmly. 4 ate Them
"'Hate themw he cried, his eyes bulg-
ing. You must be joking, sir!
"'Not at ALL went on. Everybody
In America, where l live, eats the shell
as we'll as the oyster. In fact, in some
Of the states they throw the oysters away
and eat the shells alone. In Georgia
they eat them with clay
"The walters jaw dropped and his eyes
continued to bulge. He was so flustered
that he got his orders mixed and brought
me the food intended for somebody else.
He got things Strengthened out after
awhile, but the loot of dumb amazement
never left his face.
"After / had eaten the meal l glanced
leisurely around and saw with surprise
that nearly every eye in the place was
fastened on me- The waiter who served
me was talking to the man at the desk,
who, I afterward learned, was the pro-
prietor, and he was craning his neck to
get look at me.
"Tt's the shells that's bothering Them
1 said to myself. Well, I'll keep them
guessing as a reward for the measly oys-
tiers they gave me-
"When started to go out, the proprle-
tor was standing at the door.
"'A word with you, sir he said po-
litely.
"'What is ftp 1 inquired innocently.
THE money I gave you was good, !
trust?'
"Tndeed it was he replied. Tt wasn't
about the money l wished to speak, but
about the oysters
"'Oh, about the shells, / suppose
said carelessly. Your waiter seemed
surprised when 1 told him ] had eaten
them
"T confess It surprised me also,' said
the eating house man. I never heard Of
1t before
"'It's a very common thing in Amer
ica,' said and went my way.
NEARLY every day for three months l
went to that eating house for bite at
noon, and there was always a gathering
there to see the American who ate oys-
tiers, shells and all. OF course, never
ordered any more on the half shell be-
cause l was watched too closely to slip
the shells into my pocket. / told the
proprietor that the English oysters
weren't big enough to suit me. He Of
fered to try to get me some of larger
size, but I wouldn't hear of his going to
the trouble.
every time he talked to me, and that
was nearly every day, he managed to
bring the conversation around to Amer
lea In general and the devouring of oys-
ter shells in particular. / found him to
be man of more than ordinary intelli-
gence Moreover, he possessed a fine
fund of common sense. But there was
no yarn about America and Americans
he wouldn't swallow without question.
1.-THE day before l was to sail for home
/ went around to the eating house for
my last visit, and when l was going out
/ bid goodby to the proprietor. Then /
put my hand in my pocket and, pulling
out the IL identical shells l had taken
three months before, laid them on the
desk before his eyes.
4 couldn't go away without making a
confession l said. Here are the shells.
I didn't eat them at all, but carried
them away in my pocket
"Well, what do you think? He sim
ply wouldn't believe me- Neither would
the walters They had all got 1t fas-
tened in their minds that it was the Gus
tom in America to eat oyster shells, and |
the evidence l produced was not suffi-
cient to make them believe otherwise.
But that was a long time ago. | don't |
think you could make any one in London
believe such tale now."-New York
Sun.
How to Quit Chewing Tobacco.
The Substitute cure" is worthy of
the attention Of sufferers. We have
citizen of Mobile who has tried 1t. He
was an inyeterate chewer of tobacco.
He stopped chewing and took to chew
ing pine stick. He always has this
bit of wood between his teeth, in wax
Ing hours at least He has not tasted