Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1901-06-06
HARD WORLD FOR HE-SpIDERs.
His Girl Treats Him Meaner Than
Oou

LAS a general thing in the world be-
low us, it is the male that has all the
fine clothes; but, with some excep-
lions, it is the female spider that
bosses the ranch. This beautiful,
milk-white spider with the crimson
trimmings has little runt of a hus-
band that goes about in plain brown,
with dark markings, and he is lucky
to be alive. AS rule, in sutherland
the males are understood. They
don't last long. 1t is a kind of hard
world for he-spiders. Imagine how it
would be if mans wife were thir-
teen hundred times as big as he was!
He would have to take all her impu-
dence and back-talk without whim-
per. I'm glad I'm not spider-at
least not he-spider. When he goes
counting, his girl treats him meaner
than a dog
But even the spideress with the
highest principles will finally sue
cumb to the charms of some young
whiffit Or other; but if he stays around
the place he has to understand dis
tinctly that he must keep out of the
way. She's got lot of things Oh her
mind and she can't be bothered with
him. He knows what she means. So
he hops around, hangs to her when he
can, drops when he can, lodges when
he can; but you know what the up
shot of it always is. One day there
is withered he-spider skin hanging
in the web, and the widow stops and
looks at it before she throws it out.
She smacks her mouth. Well says
she, and draws long breath, he GER
tainly was good to me-
THE jumping and running spiders
are really most interesting to watch
in Loves brief delirium Then they
put on their incest clothes and do all
sorts of cahewalks and dances for
each other. The icius has regular
assembly balls, the men dancing in
front of the women and showing eff
their fancy steps. Every once in q
while there is scrimmage at the
lower end of the hall, and all the fell
lows skate down there, and you'd
think by the fuss that there was no
thing less than murder going on. The
women wiring their hands and moan:
Amt it awful? It's jist disgraceful,
If I'd "a knowed it was goin' to be
like this Oo-ooh! Did you see
Riley paste him then?' The young
things cry and carry on, but the old
matrons fan themselves and cape and
talk about their rheumatism They
know that it is all got up to impress
them, and that nobody gets hurt
"Phidipus morsitans is considered
about the best dancing species, and
when the male rigs out and goes
pair of legs is long, and he waves
them about and stretches them up in
front of the lady, as much as to say:
Hail, great queeni Sovereign of my
heart! They are white, plumy things,
and ought to captivate her the first
thing But she sulks and sometimes she
makes dive for him., and he has to
drop the Hail, great queen!' business
and take to the woods. But if he once
can get her to watch his dancing, her
heart is his. He stands up as high as
he can on his four right legs and
crouches down as long as he can on
his four left legs and circles about,
getting closer and closer to her. She
rushes at him. He retreats-he is
coy. Then he changes legs. He
stands as high as he can on his left
legs and crouches on his right set. 1t
is when he is going away from her
that the poor girl catches her breath
in ecstasy and literally stands on her
head. After he has circled about
120 times, she exclaims: Take me! I
am yoursn "-Harvey Sutherland in
Ainslee's.