davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
The Porter's Lucky Day.

1--WE were travelling from Ell Paso to
st4a coast" said the advance man Of a
theatrical combination, "and the porter
had tucked us snugly in our berths,
when we were awakened to the con-
sciousness that our train was held up
The robbers marched us out of the car
and made us deliver. Fortunately not
one of us had more than a few dollars
in cash. But the man who held up the
car porter gave yelp of delight: See
what I've found! Put 'em back! Start
the train"
''In the careless porters vest pocket
he had discovered roll Of bills as big
as the pocket would hold. 1t looked as
If there must have been several hun
dred dollars. We all knew of the prof
liable righteousness of the Pullman
car porter, but never dreamed that his
accumulations were so large. Yet the
friendly human spark Of forgiveness
and sympathy was in our hearts for
the poor fellow losing so much at one
fell swoop. We were gathered in the
smoking compartment and had a con-
ISOLATION purse under advisement for
the darky, when he came along him
self:
"'Mah Lawd, dat was the luckiest
sperience l done ever had,' he said,
chuckling all over
Lucky
1--WE were astonished. A poor serv-
ant robbed of hundreds chuckling with
glee!
"'Deed, yes, gem'men! Dey never
look but jis' in only one of my pock-
etsr New York Times.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03

"Telephone nuanbers have an actual
money value said an officer Of the
American Bell Telephone company.
'The assertion has a strange sound,
but IL you think for q moment Of the
advantage a bu.yineSs house derives
from having its location well known
the thing seems onl v natsral.
'Tn the course of time peoples minds
begin to associate a firm with its tele-
phone number, and II when they start
to call up an old FRIEND they find him
masquerading under a new number 1t
Is as much of a shock as II they had
called at house with which they were
in the habit of doing business and
found 1t had moved away. 1t ali
comes under the legal head OF good
WILL a very elusive commodity, but
one which has its market value.
$50 much is this fact appreciated by
some of our old patrons that they are
willing to pay heavy mileage II they
move away from the neighborhood Of
their exchange in order to retain their
.old telephone address. Many impor-
tant houses have followed the north
ward trend of business in the last few
years, and there are several cases or
firms Office address being in the up
town district, while its telephone num-
Der remains 80 and so Cortlandt or
Broad. The firms line to the exchange
anay be several miles long."-New York
Mail and Express.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
Thr EaAhinn In 0uiItA.

Women nowadays not only must
have the chintz furniture coverings,
the window draperics and the painted
furniture Of their bedrooms match in
floral design the lowered paper on the
walls, but they make the comfortables
and wool quilts match as well. When
late in the fall a woman is seen en-
route to the shop with bit Of wall pa
per in her hand, 1t is pretty certain that
she is going after gay comfortable or
perhaps half dozen Of them.
Down or wool quilts form the pretti-
est as well as the most seryiceable fur
nishings of a comfortably arranged
sleeping room The wool quilts, which
come in ali the pretty shades of plain
coIored silks and ia ali the desirable
flower patterns, are taking the place ~
the down to great extent.
"I have q dozen down quilts packed
away" said wealthy woman the 9TH
or day. "and | am getting a supply Of
wool quilts to take their place. The
down Is altogether too warm In well
heated house and can't use them"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
What's I'm n Namef

Experienced patent medicine men,"
says a gossiper in the New Orleans
Times Democrat, admit the impoSsi-
bility of predicting when the turning
point will be reached in booming any
new remedy. The amount sunk in ex-
plotting two articles before returns
come in may vary 100000. In my
opinion, the name has a good deal to
do with getting a demand started. If
it is hard to remember or hard to pro-
nounce, it is undoubtedly a serious
handicap, and, on the contrary, a
catchy, simple title, just odd enough to
stick in ones memory, is in itself. an
advertisement worth thousands Of dol
lars. l have house in mind that
spent q good sized fortune trying to
popularize tablet preparation with a
queer Indian title that no two people
pronounced in exactly the same way.
1t was a good thing and cleverly put
before the public, and it failed solely, l
think, because people were reluctant to
ask for it for fear of making them
selves ridiculous by butchering the
pronunciation. That's a point about
which the average customer is very
sensitive"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
The noarman's Turn.

A boatman In the north Of England
having been engaged to row reverend
gentleman over a rough part of river,
was very much annoyed at the manner
he was addressed by the clergyman
the conversation commencing thus:
Clergyman-My dear man, have you
ever studied geology"
Boatman-No, sor; Aa hevn't.
Clergyman-Well, my friend, that's
part of life lost, but you will proba-
bly, know little theology"
Boatman turning quite irritable
No; Aa knaw nowt aboot that either.
Clergyman-Well, that's another part
of life lost, my man.
Nothing more was said. as the water
was turning very boisterous and they
were in great danger, when suddenly
the boat gave q lurch and was cap
sized.
The boatman, being an expert swim
mer, took the situation quite coolly,
while his companion. who knew moth
ing Of the art of swimming, was strug-
Cling for life. The boatman, who was
making good progress toward terra
firma. accosted the clergyman with the
following:
"Aa say, mister. do We know onny-
thing aboot 'swimologyY
mo, my man: don't"
"Wey, what pity" said the boat
man; there's a whole life lost
Pearson's.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03

The Caroline islands group includes
besides coral islands five mountainous
islands of basaltic formation, beautiful
and fertile with rivers and springs.
Among the many queer legends of
these children of the Pacific there is
none mere highly improbable than
their theory as to the origin of these is
lands and their inhabitants. They
think they themselves were very strong
in the water-in fact, they lived in it,
The story goes that Il woman and her
children were floating around on the
reef when a man appeared from the
west with a basket of soil on his shoul-
ders. He had started out to make an
island with n mountain on it. One of
the children cried out to him, "Give us
a little soil to make q place for our
mother to rest, for she is very weak
and canrrt swim" He took out a
handful % the earth and threw 1t
down, making an island. AS the man
was going on his way over the water
the son slyly made hole in the bas-
ket so as he proceeded on his way he
left a trail of land behind. Suddenly
he became conscious that the basket
seemed light. and, looking around, he
saw the land. In his anger he turned
about and trod upon it, and thus the is
lands were formed.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
sauelched a. French Dude.

A young woman Of smart wit and
striking beauty presided at one Of the
stalls at Paris charity bazaar. Among
the small crowd which pressed round
the fair vender was a young man Of
much assurance, who gazed upon the
girl with freedom and affected to ad-
mire the various fancy articles exposed
for sale, but bought nothing.
what will you please to buyT ask
Led mademoiselle, with an exquisite
smile.
"Oh." replied the young dandy, with
a languishing look, what most wish
to buy is unhappily not for sale"
'Tell me what you wish" she re-
sponded.
"Oh, no; dare not declare my wish
es."
Nevertheless let me know what you
wish to buy" persisted the fair sales
woman.
"Well, then, since you demand 1t,
should like ringlet Of your glossy
black hair"
She manifested no embarrassment at
ne bold request, but with a pair Of
sc. 9sors Immediately clipped off one Of
her benutiful locks and handed 1t to the
aston fsised youth, remarking that the
price =, VAS only S100.
Her a vdacious admirer was thunder
struck " 4th the demand, but dared not
demur as by this time group had COL
lected and vene listening to the conver-
sation. So he took the hair, paid over
the money md left the hall.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
And There He Was

Yes. he said, Il think a man owes
it to himself to choose q wife who can
do housework, If necessary. OF course
l wouldn't want my wife to work in
the kitchen, but she ought to be able to
do so. One never can tell what may
happen. Girls sometimes leave sud
denly, and fortunes are occasionally
swept away. In my opinion, girl does
herself just as much honor in learning
to do housewOrk as in learning to play
the piano or in studying Omar Khay-
yam and
"Oh, Mr.. Spoodlekins." she cried. Eek
cuse me for interrupting you, but such
a funny thing happened this afternoon.
| dropped the dishcloth and said to my
SELF There, l know somebody will
come this EVENING" And here you arer'
Chicago Times-Herald.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
Social Position In Business.

Two women who embarked in DuSi-
ness last week showed Shrewd sense.
They opened restaurant for women,
but instead Of calling it by any such
plebeian name they named it a club
and gave out that none but members
would be admitted. The members were
selected with due discretion.
Mrs. A.. who is rich and has large
circle Of acquaintances. gave n list of
persons whom she thought would he
interested in finding a good lunching
place in the shopping district. Cards
of membership were sent to these per-
sons with notice to the effect that they
had been recommended by Mrs. 4. 1t
was pointed out that there were no ini-
tiation fees and no dues. Moreover.
members had the privilege of bringing
friends to lunch. That was master
stroke, for women dote on taking
guests to place to which there is an
exclusive entree.
The rooms were fitted up not only
with taste but elegantly. The well
dressed proprietors attended personally
to details and greeted those who came
cordially, and their manner of treating
the affair as largely a jest did not pre-
vent their looking after the service,
which was -as admirable as the equip
ment and the food furnished
The prices on the menu indicated
that cheapness was not to be one of the
attractions of the place. Club" cake
club" ice cream and other specialties
of the club have an extra price.
There is no sign at the street door to
call attention to the club. One takes
an elevator and gets off at a door ON
the third floor marked For Members
Only" and presents ticket if she is un,
known or tells who sent her. Then she
Is treated with flattering courtesy and
attention, which causes one to resolve
that she will come often and that she
will entertain her friends there. There
Is a reception and lounging room if a
woman is tired or has to wait to keep
an appointment.
o. Next to social position as means OF
booming trade enterprises club rela-
tions are utilized with the greatest eff
feet. A woman who is the president of
two clubs and a member Of at least a
dozen opened a shop recently. Not only
her direct connection with the clubs.
but the many indirect pulls" that she
has by means Of it were made the most
Of to give her good senC IF and to
bring trade her way. AS a >sult her
business is gratifying and he friends
say she will make fortune out Of it.
New York Press.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
MiafnLen For Shafts.

A story is told Of pair Of feet that
must have been objects of great regard
In their day.
One day a party Of men, including
Jackson. the man Of big feet. were
preparing to attend political meeting.
1t was soon discovered that there was
no way of convey ng Jackson, as all
the vehicles were II.
LET me ride tbs horse over thereT'
asked Jackson.
There isn't an In the world that
can ride that AMI nal. He'll work to a
cart or plow, 1t no one can stay on
his back"
'I'll try him, anyway" And the deter
mined man instructed several men to
catch and hold the horse.
The animal plunged and kicked, but
finally Jackson secured a seat in the
saddle.
Every one expected to see him dash
ed to the ground. but the horse looked
round, saw the mans feet and walked
peacefully away. He thought he was
between a pair Of shafts.-London
Standard.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
DIAMOND DIGEST
TABLETS

Do Destroy Dyspepsia and restore the
bowels and liver to perfectly natural action
promptly. or money refnnded by any drug
gist.
Gentlemen:-I have been taking your
DIAMOND DIGEST TABLETS for two months
past and am practically a aoeH Rs1s for the
fret time IN 10 years. Everything ate dis
tressed me, more or less, and was all run
down from lack of proper nourishment.
am eating everything that comes my way
now, without the slightest Inconvenience.
Two tablets after a hearty meal and one
after light meal seem to thoroughly d.
Rest everything, and / am daily gaining
flesh My daughter commenced taking
them about two weeks ago for constipation,
and while they do not act as quickly as
some powerful cathartic, they are positive.
and much more satisfactory, because they
do not gripe or distress her In any way.
and the relief seems to be Of a permanent
nature. All other medicines have left her
In worse condition after taking than before.
D. ". BERGEN, 27 BOYD Ave-, Jersey City.
Dear sfrs:| have taken eAe box OF your
DIAMOND DIGEST TABLETS ant they are
the only remedy have ever founs that
stops the HEARTsURN. ! enclose 50c for
smother box Mrs. HENRY CUMMINGS.
Pelican Rapids, MINI.
Free sample package for two cent stamp.
tDIsnaad Drug Co., % M. Broadway. MY.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
The Hot WATER Cure,

Boarding House Keeper-A glass Of
hot water? What can the. man want
with a glass Of hot water? He doesn't
shave.
Cook-He wants to drink it.
ITO drink it? Well, never"
"Oh, all the boarders is sending for
hot water now three times day"
Goodness me! What for?
Fur to drink. They calls it the hot
water cure. 1t beats all newfangled
notions what come up"
"What does it cure?'
"Oh, they say it really cures every
thing just splendid"
Thank fortune it's cheap. Give 'em
all the hot water they want, Maria"
"Yes'm."
$50 hot water is great cure, Is 1t?
Well, | shan't let any of my boarders
get i'll for want of medicine. Just put
another gallon Of hot water in that oys-
ter soup, Maria, and | think you'd bet
ter take out the oyster now. 1t might
get too ch."-LOndun Tit-Bits.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
Economical Training of Gunners.


The method used in the United States
navy for the economical training of the
gunners is very interesting. 1t is
well known fact that the cost of firing
one of the large guns used in the navy
is very great, amounting sometimes to
$1,000 or more. To save this expense
a very simple method is employed. In
the case of the large guns an ordinary
Remington rifle is secured in the breech
of the gun and directly in the center
of the bore, so that when it is fired it's
bullet takes the same direction as that
Of the regular projectile. The large
gun is sighted in the usual manner.
On account Of the lesser velocity of the
small bullet the target Is placed close
to the ship and is made corresponding
ly small.
The method used for the 6 FOUNDER
or other small guns is slightly differ
ent, as instead of the small rife
wooden or dummy cartridge the same
size as the regular cartridge is en-
ployed. Through the center Of this
wooden cartridge runs a rifle barrel
which is loaded with "A calber car
fridge This latter method has the ad-
ditional advantage of giving the gun
crew practice in loading as well as fir
Star.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
His Birth day.

Although unrivaled in the art of
cross examination, on one occasion
Lord Russell was distinctly beaten by
a witness.
What is your ageY' he asked.
"Is 1t my age you are asking? re.
piled the witness.
"Yes. sir. Now speak Up and he ex-
act"
"And be,exact! Well. Of all the
"The court does not desire TO hear
any comments Of yours. Tell the court
your age"
Well" said the man, 81 celebrated
my twelfth birthday last week"
Don't trit1e with the court and re-
member you are on oath"
ITS quite true was born on Feb.
20, in leap year. and my birthday only
comes once 10 four years"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
Comparative Longevity,

1t has often been remarked that
while nothing is so uncertain as the du-
ration of any given human life nothing
Is more certain than the aggregate of
years which may be assigned to
group Of 100 persons or more at any
particular age. The expectation of life
at given age, to use the actuarial
phrase, differs considerably, as might
be expected, in different countries, and
Englishmen may he surprised to learn
that they are not the longest living
among the white races.
AT the age of 20 an Englishman in
average health may expect to live ~
years, and any life office will grant him
n policy based on that probability The
Americans expectation is for a slightly
lO'...l'- ..,.lvd. On the other hand, a
L-.lAan lad Of 20 can count upon little
more than 80 years and half.
1t would seem, therefore, that the
restlessness attributed to the American
temperament does not necessarily con-
duce to the shortening of life nor the
composure of the German to it's pro-
longation. Possibly the better feeding
and clothing of Americans in the lower
classes of the population are the princi-
pal causes of their greater longevity.
Their position is, at any rate, main
tanned in later as well as in earlier
years.
The American who has reached 60
may look to complete IA years more,
while the Britisher's expectation is on
ly about 13 years and 10 months and
the Germans as nearly as possible Il
months less. Both at 20 and at 60 the
Frenchmans prospect is little better
than the Germans and a little worse
than the Englishman's s.-London Globe.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
How a Woman Loves.

Whenever | hear bis name, I could
faint. When l see him, / could sink
into the ground. At the sight Of his
handwriting l grow cold from head to
foot, tremble, my heart aches so that
at seems breaking In two. / long to be
with him, yet when | am with him |
have nothing to say. l have to escape
and be miserable all alone. He Is my
thought all day; the last before | sleep,
the first when / awake. ] could cry
and cry. try to read, and 1 remember
not a word. l like playing best. for
then | can almost imagine that he Is
listening. But when | stop playing and
look around / find myself in an empty
room. 1t Is awful. call his name: no
oas answers. ] whisper IT; still no an.
swer. I throw myself on the ground,
and I say. Think Of me, think of me-;
you shall: you must; you do think or
mew 1t Is great torture ana a great
despair. Perhaps ii Is o madness too.
But 1t is my way OF loving. ! want to
love while live. If knew for certain
that he loved meme only-the JOY, |
think, would kill me. Love! Do you
kaow, poor little angel, what it means?
Sometimes it is a curse.-From Robert
Orange" bs Mrs. Craigie.
Hpd Form.
Mrs. Highb!oweF-Don't forget, my
dear, that In conversation the interest
must not be allowed to flag.
Clara-But I'm sure | do my best,
mamma.
Maybe 40. but while the pianist was
n;GyIng i thoHSf,% once or twice mat
detected 50u ilstenise TO him. Life.
Scholastic Aeutsas-a.
professor. how did you come to
pose to me in the face OF my continued
indifferenceT
81 proceeded on the general propost-
ton that whatever a woman seems TO
be she isn't"-C. 'cago Record.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
SELMA LAGERIOF.

tribution being COSTA Behring'S Saga"
1t was copied extensively and was well
known among Scantlina"!Gns before it
was known that the aHth2r was the OBJ
scure teacher. 1t was t!cn that Selma
Lagerlof found fame "a! h,r door. Her
little composition vas translated into
French, German. Italian AID English.
and the foreign critics regarded it as
highly as did her own cCuntrymen.
She now has ready for the press The
Queens Of Kungahiila" ard The Leg
end Of the Manor" and publishers are
fighting among themselves for the priv
ilege of issuing the first edition. These
books are claimed to mark a new era in
Swedish literature.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
Legal Qufbble.

"There is a story" the doctor said,
"of a man who was sued for debt not
long ago. The case went against him,
and the court gave judgment for $500.
His lawyer told him he would have to
pay it. as he was an unmarried man.
He hustled out and in a few hours
came back with a wife and plea in
due form that he needed his salary for
the support of his family. He got off
free"
81 don't believe that was constitu-
tional." said the professor after mo-
ment's reflection.
"Why not?"
"Because it was annex post facto."-
Chicago Tribune.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
WOMAN'S WORLD.
THE FOUNDER OF A NEW SCHOOL
or SCANDINAVIAN LITERATURE.

Domestic Science In Europe The
Fashion In QuiisS-SociaI Position
In Business Women Demand an
Equal Chance.
Few novelists have had the expert
ence of waking UP to find themselves
famous thrust upon them more en-
phatically than has Selma Lagerlof,
who is now the most famed novelist of
Sweden and is regarded as the founder
of n new school OF scandinavian litera-
ture. Only ten years ago Selma Lager
lof was an obscure schoolteacher. AS
a teacher however, she had ambitions
to enter literary work, but no Opportu-
nifty offered until the publishers Of
Idun, a Swedish magazine for women,
offered a prize for the best literary
work by Swedish woman. The teach
er was awarded the first prize, her con-
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
Rarity of a Dread of Death.

Sir Lyon Playfair, who represented
the University of Edinburgh for II
years, naturally came in contact with
the most eminent men of England, and
he put this question to most Of them,
Did you in your extensive practice
ever know patient who was afraid to
die?" With two exceptions, it seems,
they answered NO" One of these eX,
ceptions was 81 Benjamin Brodie, who
said he had seen one case. The other
was Sir Robert Christison, who had
character who had sudden accident
Health
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
Old Fashioned Cold Cures

are going out of date. The brSy man
of today can not afford to lie abed
whole day and undergo the martyrdOm
of the sweating process. Krause's Cold
Cure are capsules of convenient size,
and can be taken without danger while
performing your usual duties. They
cure in "A hours. Price 25c. Sold by
Rossman & Sons Pharmacy.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
What She Wanted to Know,

"My dear child, you really should not
eat your pudding so quickly"
"Why not, mamma"
because it is dangerous. l once
knew little boy about your age who
was eating pudding so quickly that he
died before he had finished it"
"And what did they do with the rest
of his pudding, mamma?'-Exchange.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
The Discovery of Iron.

Teacher-Sammy, can you tell me
where and how iron was first discov-
cred?
Sammy can't tell you just where,
sir, but think | know how it was dis
covered.
Teacher-Well. Sammy, what is your
Information on that point?
Sammy heard pa say the other day
chat they S%elt it.
IdenIIZnIIOn.
Ellen longed to see a pig killed. An
older person suggested that such a de-
sire on the part of little girl was nei-
ther womanly nor nice.
Yes, | know" said Ellen apologetical-
ly, "but mightn't we pretend that it was
the execution of Mary, queen of Scots?"
Youths Companion.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-03
Alarming Symptoms.

"Mandy," said the old gentleman, 81
am afraid that boy of ours is goin to
be a poet"
'He amt writ nothin, has he" asked
the old lady in alarm.
"No. he amt writ nothin yet, but
notice he is doin less an less work
every day an doln it carelesser. In
dianapolis Press.