Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1901-11-06
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Your love lasts longer.
Jinks-How much do you think
minister ought to get for marrying
couples Filklns-Well, II wholly unac.
quainted with them perhaps he might
be let Off with six months.
She How beautifully Miss Heavy
weight dances! She doesn't seem to
touch the floor sometimes! He (whoss
feet are still suffering from the last
polka with her)-She doesn't!-Puncn.
Roderick-The advertisement said It i
was a great stopping place for the leis.
ure class. Van Albert-Was 1t SO? Rod
erick-Yes; dozen tramps stopped at
the kitchen every morning. Chicago
News.
Sir. have come to ask you for your
daughters hand" "All right, my boy.
l think you'll find 1t In the dishwater."
Then the young man left, smiling,
knowing that II such was the case he
had Won prize.-Commoner.
Floorwalker Good-morning. You
wish to do some shopping, presumed
Bride with hubby)-Y-e.s. Floorwalker
Step into the smoking room and the
boy there will give you check for
your husband.-New York Weekly.
A Freezer for Mrs. Neville: Mrs.
Newife-I acknowledge that have my
faults, and am sometimes cross, Jack,
dear, but IL had the last two years OF
my life to live over again should mar.
~ you just the same. Mr.. NewifeI
doubt TILT Bits. Z
81 suffer dreadfully from insomnia.
doctor" said the patient. Indeed" re-
piled the physician; "we'll soon correct
that" And he did, for this particular
physician was able to procure for his
patient situation rs nigbtwatchman.
-Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
Suburbanite-.'Why, sir; we have ev.
erything right here in Lonesomehurst
that heart could desire or fancy die.
tate" New-Yorker-"And still you
come to New York twice weekg''
uburbanite-"Well. yes; but only to
buy luxurles and necessities. Judge.
Mrs. Frllls-Now that / have engaged
you, Bridget. am going to begin right
away to give you little training In the
art OF waiting on guests. You see, my
daughter is coming out next month
Bridget-Indade. mum! An how long
was she stint up for?-RIchmond Dis
patch.
you pugilists don't seem to have
nenrly 80 much to say us formerly"
NO" answered the eminent represent
tative of the prize ring; ito tell the
truth, we got so interested In listening
to these naval gentlemen that we kind
of forgot our own affairs. "-Washing-
ton Star.
Miss Breezy-Yes, I'm engaged to
i George. 1t was pretty hard to decide,
because liked Tom quite as well as
George, and they're equally wealthy.
Miss Wabash-What finally decided
you? Miss Breezy George promised
me the most alimony In case of di.
vorce.-Philadelph Press.
"Imet Hargus in the street yesterday
morning, and he flicked his cigar ashes
In my face. I'm writing to him now to
tell him what think about It" why
didn't you tell him what you thought
about 1t then?" Because never can
express myself with any satisfaction
Independently" -C Chicago sTribune.
I A Grievous Offense: Magistrate The
charge is interfering with an officer.
Roundsman McCarty, you Will please
state exactly what the defendant did.
Roundsman McCarty-Oi wor passing
his fruit shtand, yer amer, an Of
shwoiped banana, when tn dago
trold t. TEX 1t from me, yer anner.-Les.
lies Weekly.
Sunday School Teacher-Faith. chill
dren. Is believing in the existence OF
something we cans see. For example,
when you buy bananas, you know that
there is delicious fruit inside the
tough skin. Do you understand? Chill
dren-Yes, ma'am. Sunday School
Teacher-Well. what is faith7 Chill.
i dren- Bananas.
Ready for,the Rush: They had been
drifting about in the open boat seven
days, and all were near unto death.
when the half famished sailor In the
bow leaped up and cried: "A sail! A
sail" What. bargain sale?" shrek
ed the half-dead woman passenger, az
she begun fumbling for her purse.
Baltimore World.
His One Literary Success: Miss Kul.
cher-Did you ever go in for literature.
Mr.. Gay? Mr.. Gay-Well-er-note OK.
actly,. but once when was at college
) wrote short story and got one hun
: dred dollars for 1t. Miss Kulcher-
Really? What was 1t? Mr.sGay-DeaI
!. Father, I'm broke. Please send me {
hundred philadelphia Press.
The professional liar braced himself
when he felt the thrill of a bite along
his fishing pole When the cork went
under he gave deft jerk and landed q
!. minnow about five inches long
!. ..shucksw he muttered with chagrin
} as he took 1t off the hook; II wish that
'un had got away; 1t would have been
: SO much blgger."-Ohio State Journal
pat-I say, Mike, have three-pen.
ny piece With hole in 1t which can.
not get rid of at all-at all. What shall
do with 1t, begorra? Mike-Sure, Pat
= YOU must do the same as did 0ncst-
an excellent plan was mine. "And
y phwat was 1t, at all, Mixer "Oh, II
was fine, Pat, tell you. That three.
penny piece had bothered me long
tonne, entoirely. Nobody would have
q 1t, 30 at last melted down a sixpencl
and filed up the hole. Begorra, 1t went
a the very next day, my bhoy."-L London
Spare Moments.
t :.