davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19
CELTICISMS ON THE STAND.
Funny Sayings of Irish Witnesses
While Undergoing the Custom
airy Examinations.

Lawyers with an appreciative sense
of humor enjoy nothing so much as to
get a quick-witted, -tongued
son of the Emerald Isle on the stand
to relieve the monotony of the legal
technicalities of case. A gentle
man who has been collecting samples
of Irish wit and repartee for some
time relates the following anecdotes,
says the Baltimore Sun. Some of
them are doubtless mellow with age,
but in any case th.y will bear repeti-
ton:
Are you guilty or not guilty?"
asked the court clerk of a prisoner
charged with some trivial offense.
'Phat are yees there for but to
foind out?" was the quick rejoinder.
a henpeclled husband had his bet
ter half arrested for assaulting him.
The plaintiff was on the stand.
And now, Mr.. O'Toole," said his
counsel, "will you kindly tell the jury
whether your wife was in the habit
of striking you with impunity?"
'Wid what, sor?"
with impunity."
'She wuz, sor, now an then; but
she ginerly used th' potaty masher"
a witness testifying in a murder
case was asked to describe to the jury
the exact location of fight of stairs.
Explain to the jury" said the
prosecuting attorney, exactly how
the steps run"
"Shure, sir, if ye shtand at tn bot
tom they run up, an if We shtand at
th' top they run down.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19

The London city council have tun-
neled under the Thames, reconstructed
bridges, demolished many streets,
provided parks and music for the
masses, and are anxious to add serv-
ice of free steamboats, and hope to bay
up all the water companies whenever
parliament will grant the requisite
powers. Not satisfied with these enter
prises, it is now suggested that the fog
fiend Should be localized, run to earth.
and deprived of his asphyXiating ter
rors. AS a commencement it is only
proposed to spend e25O on an expert
mental Investigations. When prelim-
inaries are completed fogs may cease
as soon as the Essex marshes are re-
claimed, the river diverted and smoky
chimneys suppressed. These cannot
be called trifling obstacles, but with
ambitious councillors on the job there
is sure to be big effort made to over
come them.-N. Y. Sun.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

Statistics of Atchison county, Kan,
show that of the 16,501 people living
there ,143 have never attended Sun
day school.
Rev. Samuel Scoville, the son-inlaw
of Henry Ward Beecher, has become
associate pastor with DIR. Hills, OF
the Plymouth church in Brooklyn.
The bishop of London said recent
ly in talking of the poverty of the
clergy that 1866 livings average $3.50
q year, and no fewer than I,24E
benefices were worth only 1926 per
annum.
Rev. Richard Lewis Howell, one of
the best known Episcopal clergymen
of Washington, ID. c., has a project,
for the erection of a magnificent edi-
flee in that city to serve as Il meeting
place for the communicates of al re-
ligious denominations.
Nearly 1000 men and women are
employed to conduct summer vaca-
tion schools and Fairgrounds in the
boroughs of Manhattan and the
Bronx. Last summer more than 100,-
600 boys and girls were in more or
less constant attendance.
In the future Boston's public school
buildings are to contain well-appoint-
ed bathrooms. The impulse was given
two years ago, when the Paul Re-
we're school was erected, and now
bathrooms are to become a regular
adjunct of the public school system.
Carrie Nation the other evening lee
tured to large audience in Marietta,
o., under the direction of II. j. Com
rath, a saloon keeper, and Joe
Bruner, a pugilist. In answer to crit
icisms on her appearance under such
management Mrs. Nation said:
'Neither the W. c. T. U. nor the
churches would bring me here, but
these men did, and | am grateful to
them"
President Eliot of Harvard, insists
that the school-teachers spend alto
gether too much time trying to teach
arithmetic to young children. II his,
Twentieth Century club lecture he
told of a naughty boy who was told
by his mother that he must either
The boy thought for a moment and
then remarked: That's fair" Il
would give more for that judicial
comment for its effect on the boys
later life" said President Eliot, than
for any amount of accurate figuring"
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19
WHERE IS THE BoER GENERAL.

entitled to half fare for themselves
and their families on all the railways,
like clergymen in the United States;
they are given half rates at most of
the hotels and restaurants, and a dis
count from the regular prices at the
shops, usually from 10 to 30 per cent.
They have half rates at the theaters
and operas, but at the royal opera no
officer is allowed to appear in uniform
unless he occupies box or seat in the
parquet or in the first row of the first
balcony.
The regular garrison of Berlin is
10000 troops, which, with the general
staff and the various bureaus, gives
the city a large military population,
and nearly every third person you
meet on the street wears uniform.
During an hours walk on the prin-
cipal streets the other day l met 20
generals.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19
SLOT MACHINE CHARMED HER.
She Had Been Bitterly Opposed t.
Gambling UntiI Her Husband
Won a Dollar.

Zone of the most decided and
quickest changes from a pronounced
stand that ever came to my atten-
tion / noted in the case of my wife
while we were on vacation trip re-
GENTLY" remarked well-known To-
cal official. Ever shce we have been
married Mrs. C. has been unalter-
ably opposed to gambling in any
form. The mere mention of the word
caused her to shudder. While stroll
ing about a summer resort a few
weeks ago we passed one of those
machines that bear a sign inviting
all who pass to drop a nickel in the
slot. The inducement is the possibil-
ity of the coin dropped striking a
channel that will result in the drop
per receiving an amount varying
from one dollar to $3.50 in nickels as
a return from the inveS tment But
the dropped coin follows a winning
passage about once in a lifetime.
More for the sake of witnessing
my wife experience momentary
chill than for any other reason [
suddenly halted in front of the ma
chine | spoke of and parted with a
five-cent piece. Vastly to my sur
prise, 20 nickels slipped from the ma
chine. The event of a lifetise had
actually come to pass. But more re-
markable was the transformation of
Mrs. C. Without word she took
possession of my winnings, deposited
them, and when they were gone bor-
rowed a dollar more in small change
from me and placed all of it in the
slot. She next called for more.
Thereupon ] protested.
But I'll surely win $3.50 if I keep
on trying" she eXpostulated.
"'Iou won't try with my money.
though" ! declared Since this little
occurrence, says the Washington
Star, Mrs. G. has not discoursed
on the evils of gambling.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19
Zena.y LNthrOp IWrn6T
Late COmDG. Officer 1s' ILL INF. USE

Through the gllstening glory Of moonlit air
When frost through the night was steal
ing,
I rode to the rush of glorious pair
One night long ago, with my beautiful
Claire
AS the Christmas bells were peallng.
The night was sparkling, sharp and still,
The snow held the earth in its keeping,
While under its mantle DER vale and HILL
By the banks of each river and ice-bound
riIl
The unblossomed flowers were sleeping.
Roy Griffith was out with his dappled grays,
And Fanny Cremorne in his cutter,
And wild Willie Ford with his blooded bays,
And that dashing beauty, Miss Kate Du-
Pays,
A trifle too utterly utter
Now gray grows white and a bay horse
fades
But mine showed beauty and breeding,
For Ronald was black as the queen of
spades,
And Lais stlll blacker by several shades,
And bred with view to speeding.
And the face by my side was the lovellest
far,
Like dream, through It's fur wraps show
ing.
An never shone sun. ror moon, nor star,
ana never broke wave over crystalline bar
With the light in those dark eyes glowing.
And never sang seraph a sweeter strain
Ihan the song of her rppling laughter;
And never a field of golden grain
Followed the breeze like soft refrain
AS her echoing smile followed after:
And never breathed spirit of light and air
with grace so winning and tender:
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19
GERMAN ARMY AND NAVY.
Rules and Regulations That Govern
Officers and Men of That
Country.

Army and navy officers in Germany
are not allowed to marry unless they
have a certain private income and
must make a deposit of 10000 marks
cash ($7 500 with the government be-
fore the marriage can take place,
writes William L. Curtis, in the Chi
cago Record Herald. This is depos
tied to their credit in the public treas
ury, and they receive three per cent.
interest a year. At the death of the
officer the principal is refunded to his
family. The purpose of this rule is to
protect the government from the bur-
den of destitute officers families, and
also to protect the officer aga ast
court-martial, for the regulations pro-
hibit him from incurring debts. When
an officer gets into debt he must re-
sign or go before a court-martial, and
if he cannot show that his misfortune
was unavoidable and due to circum-
stances over which he had no control,
he will be dismissed from the service.
If the debts have been incurred for
reasons which he could not prevent,
they are paid out of the deposit to
his credit and the amount is deduct
ed from his pay in installments.
The privates in the German army
get no pay at all. BY the constitution
of the empire every German capable
of bearing arms is enrolled in the
standing army or navy for six years
from the twentieth to the twenty
seventh year of his age, although he
is liable to be called upon at the com
pletion of his seventeenth year. OF
these six years, two must be spent in
active service in the infantry and ar
tillery, and three in the cavalry, and
the remaining years in the army of
the reserve. During this time the sol
dier receives allowances for food and
clothing and the other necessaries of
life. He is also given beer and tobacco
from the commissary, and if he is
| economical can commute his rations
into cash and thus acquire a little
| spending money. The soldiers of the
United States army, who receive $13
a month, are the best paid in the
world. Those of the British army,
who receive shilling day, are next.
The pay of the officers of the Ger
man army is very small, and no one
can obtain a commission unless he
has a sufficient private fortune to
| yield him an income of at least 500
marks ($125) a year. Captains re-
ceive about the same compensation as
second lieutenants of infantry in the
| United States, and officers of the low
er grades even less in proportion. A
second lieutenant in the German army
receives less than a commissary SER
| geant or a hospital steward in the
| United States. The Germans get
marks where our officers get dollars
a mark being 25 cents. Army officers
in Germany, however, have privileges
that civilians do not enjoy. They are
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19

We had won, we had wonSwith my brain
all aswirl
But my heart most blissfully singing;
For through all the desperate rush and
whirl
I knew that that dear little, sweet little girl
Was close to me, close to me clinging.
OF course, was tired after the race,
And nv heart in terrible fiutter.
So | pulled down the blacks to a moderate
pace
And sat, while my right hand held them in
place,
with my left on the back of the cutter.
And then, as the heavens were not quite
clear,
And the chains of love were clanking,
Myarm crept along on the seat by the rear,
And slyly, with doubling and many a fear
Strove TO capture my captor, by thanking
Rut Claire was awake with her videttes out
And soon had the enemy routed.
,Twas merely whisper, | have no doubt,
Rut II seemed as if earth and air about
With thousand voices shouted.
..Do you think it quite safe" Qn tone very
granG),
"singIe handed to drive with a lady?
I'm sure, sir, you'd better take two-and-
and
I think that perhaps-I could-lend you
hand,
As l see you have only one ready"
AS that last low whisper flew off into space
And my darling grew scared into GOODNESS,
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19

If your wooden dresses look dread
fully creased and wrinllled after
packing, try the following plan, and
don't, however, if you are tempted,
try to iron the creases out. Instead
dip a clean piece of stuff of the same
material as the dress, if you have it,
in hot water. Wiring it slightly and
sponge the creased places with it.
Then hang the dress in the open air,
tut not in the sun, and the creases
will disappear as it dries.-Washing-
ton Star.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19

Hi, Lais! Look out Look out you'll slipl
AS | live, Lady Claire, it's two-mnute-clip;
And see! do you see? Roys using the whip!
All, steady there, Ronald! Cling Close little one,
We're making beautiful, beautiful rum
And the blacks blood will tell before we are done.
| told you! told you! Wills out of the race;
My soul little one! that was bad place;
Those bays cannot when the blacks set the pace
Now carefully Claire; mind, child how you sit,
I'm going to touch up the blacks just bit.
Not afraid, my brave girl? Not whit mot whit
Hi you black phantoms Get away!-Get awayl
My life! how they go! This has passed beyond play.
| hope-I-yes, Caire-that this cutter-will stayi
See! little one-see Look back at that gray!
He's DONE and hurrah we've carried the day.
Hurrah you wild beauties! Hurrah there say!
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19

Men with enormous mustaches reai~
ly have nothing to be proud of. Rather
are they to be pitiod. Those of high
rank among the Gauls and Britons, ac-
cording to Caesar and Diodorous.
shaved the chin, but wore immense
forests of hair on the upper lip. The
mustaches of the inhabitants of CorIS-
wall and the Sicily isles hung down
upon their breasts like wings.-N. Y.
Press.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19

And never dwelt soul so white and fair,
With the sweetness to love and the courage
to dare,
In form so fragile and slender.
had loved little Claire since long ago
But never word had spoken;
The dear, wInsome creature, she frightened
me so,
For l feared that, perhaps, she might an
swer me, No,
And the charm of my life be broken.
I scarcely could fancy 1t really true
That there at my side she was sitting,
In my gay little cutter all fresh and new
With its golden stripping, and built for two,
Through the Christmas moonlight fitting.
l was driving along In quiet way
With never a thought of speeding,
Trying to think of something to say,
Though the horses were fresh and full OF
play,
And the blacks, as usual, leading.
The lights shone out on the glittering snow
With Christmas cheer and greeting,
Giving glimpse, in the firelight's glow,
OF silvery heads and heads OF tow
Ger Christmas bountes meeting.
We were just turning into the Norfolk Pike
Where it joins the road to Pentlever,
Where it stretches away to the Cambridge
dixie,
Broad and level and arrow-like,
And smooth as a frozen river.
was furtively watching the radiant flush
Up into Claire's cheek come creeping,
When the bays and the grays drew up with
a rush.
And the six all abreast, for bit of a brush,
Came into the wide road sweeping.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19

Hi Ronad Come down from that dance in the air!
Hey Lais! Have done with your frolicking there!
Come! show your best for the Lady Claire!
Gently, there! gently! Now steady So, so!
All, grandly my beauties! Well let the boys know
What it means to come up with pair that can go.
Ha! Ha !! Lady Claire! the bays in air!
They could with the blacks fair and square;
And there go the grays off their feet, over there.
Great Scott but they're both coming up the run!
Hold tight, little Claire, this thing just begun;
They shall have all the running they wish they're done
Co. Ronald Go! Go, I4ais Away!
Great heavens! Just see Willie Fords cutter sway
Get on, my black beauties Get on there, say!
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19

read in the beautiful, blushing face,
Its story of trust and of loving grace,
And my heart thrilled up into holiness
And what happened then in the soft moon.
light?"
We'll, | certainly did rot PROV
is 1t anyones care IL l seized that night
Ihat dear little hand by my loves strong
might
And kept it through JOY and through sor-
row?
And never one tonight shall know
Ihat those bells to my thought seem
weeping,
With sobbing cry, as they sweYi to and fro,
over the beautiful, silent snow
Where the unblossemed souls lie sleepinR
All, mellow l long for the years by gonel
Alas! that their glory is ended
Nhen horses were horses, and knew how to
run;
When the girls, pure and true. were not
like a nun,
By she-dragon always attended.
My Willie goes out with bis girl goes he,
And his ceachman fine as a fiddle,
And his footman arrayed most gorgeousl,
In a sleigh that was built with a seat fer
three,
And a chaperon sits in the middle
oh, my heart and my temper both are wrunR
For the ancient days so golden,
When life was royalty sweet and young.
And love was never a trio sung
with the third part cracked and olden.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19
a Gentle Hint.

He-I love you more than words can
tell!
She (shyly)-Well-there are other
ways.-Summervil journal.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19

The largest picture in the world is
PARADISE" by Tintoretto. 1t hangs
in the Doge's palace at Venice. 1t is
S4 feet wide and 81 feet high.-N. Y.
Herald.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1901-12-19

Poverty Not the Worst Thing.
Poverty may sidetrack man, but ID
never blows him up.-Chicago Daily
News.
La democracia. (Ponce, P.R.) 1890-1948, 1901-11-07

sin que ella me sienta. sin que Sc
despierte siquicra. iYo os 10
iur0l Abrid, pOr favor.
Eimee, E1mee, mira 10 que
haces exclam6 Ell sef1or Deiarivie
re;-acuerds te de que ell doctor ha
hablado de IN peligro.
No temas -dijo la niIla:-saca-
so yo he de cuerer matar a mi ma
Dire? Os repito, doctor. que ni
siquiera interrumpire 81 sueI1o.
Las miradas del docOor y de Fa-
bricio Sc cruzsron de nuevc; el
joven Sc encogi6 de HON bros como
diciendo: Hac.d 10 que querdis; asi
al menos 10 comprendic Rlttner, y
dijo a la enfermera:
-Abrid la puerta.
La enfermera tom6 una nueva
llave, y la puerta giro silenciosa
como habfa gira la del vet milo.
Juaua no hiZo Ell menor movI-
miento.
Eimee iba salvar ell umbral,
cuando Ell medico la dstuvu, MUIR
murando q su dido:
No olvldeis que un brusco des-
pertar serfs la muerte para vuestra
madre.
La joven hizo una 81 sf1al de asen-
timiento, y Sc adelanto de punti.
La democracia. (Ponce, P.R.) 1890-1948, 1901-11-07
las hacia ell divan en- que reposaba

las hacia ell divan en- que reposaba
Juana.
Los cuatro personajes Que habfan
que7ado en- la galerfa ofrecfan en-
a1uelloS N m e t o $ eSpresiones
muy distintas.
La fisou lmfa de Fatricio demos
traba somb ia inquietud, Y dirigia
al doctor mirad is expresivas cast
fnribundas. E efecto. ell doctor
TOR le habfa com 2rendiGo NAL. AL
encogerSe de hom brcs hsbfa uuerido
decir:
mo cedais m is caprichos de
una nifIt.
Rittuer Observable con curl, ST
dad, como quien Sc pre- para a asis-
tir una experiencia itteresauta. il
La enfermera, fatigada de las
indnitas escenas dram lticas que Sc
proceden en- una casa de locos, Sc.
guia con mirada indiferents los
movimie de Eimee.
HI st Il ,r Delariviere Sc asia al
quicio de la puerta, las venss dc
sCs sienes Sc inchaban, y, medids
que la min sc acercaoa & 81 madre,
la angustia ell espanto oprimfan
ii coraz6n y desconponfan las fac
clones del anciano.
Tres pasos apenas Sc aaraban 4
Edmee de su maare.
La democracia. (Ponce, P.R.) 1890-1948, 1901-11-07

Ia, con Ell que produjo un silbido
muy suave.
Era la sefIal de costumbre para
lamar una de las enfermeras de
la sesunda secci6n.
Una joven. con vestido de color
Oscuro y delantar blanco de gran
des bolsillos y peto, como ell que
usan las enfermeras de todos les
hospitales, acudi6 con un manoio
de llaees en- la mano.
Detlvose ante ell doctor, en- actl-
tud de quien espera 6rdenes, y este
lie dija:
-Vamos q la zelda nun. 5 pasad
delante.
Volvi6se, en- efecto, y camin6 la
prlmera, internandose en- un vasto
corredor que dividfa cada uno de
los cuerpos del edificio en- dos par
tes iguales.
A derecha & izquierda sucedfanse
puertas iguales y numeradas
Siguieudo este corredor y subien-
do una escalera sc liegaba a la ga
lerfa del primer piso, que, como
los del bajo, tenfa otra porci6n de
pu6TGdS lumETdudS, COu ven Gd0l-
llos que Sc ADRIAN por la parts ex-
terror.
La pensionista del sesta tran
quila desde mi Ultima visita?r-
pregunt6 Rittner & la enfermera.
ST. sef1or; no sc ha movido; pa
rece que duerme.
-Abrid Ell ventanillo -dijo Ritz
ner deteniendose de la puerta Sc
f1alada con ell nim. 8.
La enfermera tom6 de su manojo
de llaves una, 6.m IS bien IN ms
trumento que a1rfa todos los ven-
tanilloS, y abri6 sin ruido Ell de la
puerta indicada.
El doctor lauz0 una mirada al
interior de la estancia, dijo en-
voz baja.
-Duerme: podeis verla. se6orita.
Edmee Sc abalanzo al ventanillo.
Nj una palabra, nj un CRITIC
diio vivamente el doctor.
La nina acerc0 su roStro al ven
tanilio y miro con angustIa al In
terior de IL estancia,
La democracia. (Ponce, P.R.) 1890-1948, 1901-11-07

Il Juana, reclinada en- un div6n
colocado enfrente de la puerta, con
las manos jultas dernfa, al pare
Ger. con IN suef1o tranaui!o.
Estaba vestida con una bats q
/ peinadOr de lana blanca, sobre la
cual cafan esparcidc5 sus cabellos
rubios. y la blancura de sus meji.
las Sc destacaba doblemente por
ell cfrculo azulado que rodeaba sus
| ojos.
Sin Ell debil aliento que, levan-
taba con regul 8ridad su pecho,
prohaba la vida, hubierase creido
que estaba muerta.
Durante dos tres miuutos. Ed.
NEE contempl6 su madre en- ell
silencio; de repente quit6se del
ventanilio, tom6 las manos del
doctor y dijo:
Doctor, va habeis visto que sc
eontenerme, que ninguna palabra
ha reve'ado mi profundo dolor
va yeis que podeis contar conmigo.
y he he-ho por vos todo GUAM
to podfa hacer.
-iPor Ia vida de mi madre - pro
oiS uio Esie. yO OS lurO 10 exha-
lar ni nn suspiro, ri una queja
no vertrre nj una lSgrima, pero
abridme esa puertal
Y al decir este, la j6ven estaba
muy palida, tan paIfda como Jua-
ma, pero su mirada era tranouila
hrme 50 voz.
El seflor Delariviere Sc estreme.
clio, y Ell doctor y Fabricio Sc mira
ron at6nitos.
-sQue me pedfs, senorita9-diio
Ell primero.
NADIA que no sea muy natural:
que mandeis abrir solo un iustante
esa puerta.
-Eso es impossible.
Lo mismo me decfai. cuando
Sc trataba de yer q mi ma6re. wa
veis. ha sido possible y sin la menor
c. nsecuencfa desagradable: este SO.
r8 10 mismo.
-Pero, seforita mufmur6 Fl
doctor para que auereis entrary
Para abra7arla; digo NAL. nara
ROAR con mis- lablos sps cabellee