Sunday morning globe., 1901-08-25

Now, i'm an heaven, beyond a doubt
There is not a place we couldn't fit
out.
In the finest style and the latest fad
With some one that's better than any
you've had.
Each person should pass with record
clear
The examining board we'd establish
here;
Before we allowed them to twang a
Tyre.
Or join in the song of ,ho heavenly
choir.
"We would try their learning, thoir
voices and wings,
And Of course we know all about such
things;
We've studied them ever since we We're
born.
Our motto's perfection, or toot no horn.
Each one who applied should be able
to swear
To the precise distance, to God knows
where
And the holy virgin should not get
through,
Til she'd shown her skill and,her fit
ness too.
She would have to prove that she does
not drink,
Nor use anaesthetics; that her eyes
don't blink;
That she's not profane, that there
fe mo dnfasf
In either limb that the eye can de
tect
"If she'd had experience. just how
much
And whether her parents were Irish
or Dutch;
She would have to give sex of he, she
and 1t,
And the present value of shilling and
bit.
And we haven't a doubt but that
youll find,
When once the matter is brought to
your mind,
That in some places there is very great
need
OF reformation. that we may succeed.
For instance, there should be, 1t is
only fair
A sliding scale for the Golden stair;
And Gabriel is old, and has lungs are
weak
Why not retire the grabbed old freak?
"And there is the harpers; what could
they do,
If we'd only just hand them, a sheet
or two,
OF rag.time music instead Of that
stuff
OF which we've already had more than
enough.
I'VE propose to effectually remedy all
this.
And secure you a state Of perfect
bliss;
You can quietly rest and take your
ease,
Wen look out for the harps, the gates
and keys.
"Weu give you in place Of those din
gy things,
An exquisite pair of up-to-date wings;
With beautiful feathers, snowy and
white,
That shall glisten and CLEAN and daz-
zle the sight.
"And all that our board will ask Of
you,
Is to stand by us while we put 'em
through;
Not a single soul shall enter there,
ror e'er having served you elsewhere.
For we frankly admit that we do not
believe,
That one should ere be allowed to re-
Even a small recompense in way Of a
place,
For services rendered; it would be a
disgrace.
"And IL would not do to admit for a
minute,
This dangerous dogma, we wouldn't
be i'm It;
Every blessed soul, i'm poverty's tolls,
Would be hustling above to secure the
spoils
The old Saint, while listening to this
wild tirade.
Which the fluent speaker had blandly
made,
Had uuconsciously, like the polar star,
Became transfXed with the gate aiar.
Now suddenly recovering, brought 1t
shut with a slam,
ANN something that sounded to me
like a dam;
Then heatedly said, with a wave Of the
hand,
'Tis plain, you've lived on the fat Of
the land.
Now tell me / insist, I've a right to
How came you attired in robes Of
snow?
They belong to the livery Of heaven
How can you for their PROCLAMATION
atone?
You're the three worst rascals that l
ever met,
And you seem not to be satisfied yet;
You've poisoned the ear with your
cursed leaVen,
And now you seek permission to pois-
on heaven.
up here we believe in the merit sys-
tenn,
But we've no occasion to roast 'em and
twist EN-;
We consider our laborers worthy their
hire,
And therefore reward them, and give
them a Tyre.
UNLESS they prefer, like some whom
know,
To blow their own horns, wherever
they 30,
I'm which case the poor devils ana IL
pains me to tell
Are sent to serve out a probation in
hell.
"Now I have a friend who's expressed
a