Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1901-01-26
ASSIGNMENTS

EYES," reminiscently remarked one Of the
correspondents Tho sdfFed his apprentice
ship on one OF 3 New York ochre papers.
II don't mind q kning . to it that I found
the strenuous ne of q reporter on bug
paper in the big!4own s4bh more emaciating
in It's effects upon my frame than could
exactly stand pr. I2don't think that
played the par& Of a gutter. or that I
evinced any sposittSn to stop in the
stretch. In factxI toofzup the white mans
bundle and Went the distance with energy
if not precisely With enthusiasm; but when
it came to Letting wild man hack me up
I Just"
"Well, to begin at the beginning. sup
pose you fellows remember when jumped
of North river ferry boat, under instruc-
tons from my city editor, for the purpose
OF hnding out and writing up how It feels
to tear around in icy water for life pre-
server. That one came near causing me to
cash IN from pneumonia. in spite of the suit
OF rubber underwear that wore: but when
the doctor turned me loose at the end OF
three weeks was right up in line for an
other assignment. The city editor, having
In mind my success as water sprite, sort
limited around that he thought there was
good chance for me to make hit for
myself II ! jumped off the Brooklyn bridge
and then wrote two-pager for the Sunday
paper describing how It felt, but contrived
to s1de-step that one, somehow or another.
'All right, if You don't want the job
said the city editor kind O. reproachfully.
Let's see: have it! Go down to Russell
Sages office right away and ask him how
1t feels to be a philanthropist.'
yes, covered that. Found the old man
dickerins with Apple Mary over the price
OF 2-cent apple, followed him to his office.
old man. The things that he said to me
didn't break the skin exactly, but they
bruised me up heap. at that.
me next thing the city editor planned
rob
Tune OF the big robbery Of the Burden folks
jewels In New York. He wanted me to 20
over to the home of George Gould in Lake.
wood, N. j., gain admittance, some old way,
to the apartment where the jewels were
kept collar them all and then cooly walk
downstairs, hand them to Mr.. Gould and
thus prove to him how dead easy it would
be for a clever porch climber to rid MIN
OF the Gould gewgaws. I couldn't see this,
and told the city editor so. and l think
he was down on me from that time.
Anyhow, the next thing that he blocked
out for me was to have me pretend to be
crazy and gain admission to the insane
ward of Bellevue Hospital 1 made this
one stick all right and was in Bellevue's
insane ward for two days. The trouble was
that the hospital folks got next to the fact
that l was shamming from the very mo-
ment that crossed the hospital threshold,
and the things they did to me during my
period of Incarceration were vast and hor-
rife. l was laid up for a couple of weeks
from the effects of this observation-disclosures
l wrote up my little two-page story of 1t
all before taking to my bunk-and it was
during this period of convalescence that
began to wonder i'll couldn't contrive to
make my escape from New York bug jour
nalsm and pick up a piano-moving job out
in Little Rock, Ark, or somewhere or other
when turned up at the office, after That
hospital experience. 1 found the city editor
in great state Of excitement.
Say said he to me, I'm glad you've
turned up-you're just the man [ want for
this assignment. Leetle risky, perhaps, but
story
Go ahead said I, quaking.
" AS L came down town on the Sd avenue
surface car this morning l observed that
there was the dickens to pay in BoWery
barber shop I got off the car TO investl-
gate. Found that the boss of the shop
enormously big freshman named Onslaught
razor in each hand. He'd been on colos-
sal drunk for about seven months, it seems
and he had EN- badAwas seeing things, IN
fact. Now, what l want you to do is this:
Just run down there to O'Shaughnessy
shop and get Him to shave you. II he's
quoted down by this time. rifle him up
again, sos to get genuine action. It'll make
a corkng good story under the head How
1t Feels to Be Shaved by a Raving Ma
mac" I'll have another man to stay out
side and look in upon the performance
through the barber shop window. and II
O'Shaughnessy Slices you up and renders
you incapable OF writing the story, why, the
other man can 40 IT. see? Now get along.
and turn In early copy on this, II . Shaugh-
messy doesn't hack you up
ut was at that point that decided that
New York ochre journalism was too heavy
a drain upon my stock Of vitality, and
!