Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1901-10-07
NOT ALL BLISS.
Travelling Microbe Brings a "Fe|Ier'
Into Some Funny Situations.
More Experiences in Provinces BY Down
East Yankee.

his "reminiscences and tell the strange
things seen through pair of Down
East spectacles over in the land OF
kings across the Canadian border and
as he has been forcibly reminded of
said rash promise SO many times ana
knowing that honesty is the best
policy, having tried them both, he Will
give the second chapter of scenes as
viewed by a wood whiting Yankee at
the court of st. James, Canada.
one of the first things the traveller
bumps up against in leaving his ma
tive hearth and crossing the frontier
is the gentlemanly highwayman who
appears to you like Banquo's ghost and
insists yea, forceably insists, that he
may push his cold hands down among
the personal belongings III your grip
sack. You may differ with him pollt-
ically upon the subject of civil gov
ernment, but You must agree with him
on this one thing. It's a hobby Of nj
and when he steps into the ear anG
speaks in no certain tone TO open Eoui
grip" YOU realize that you have
bumped up against the real thing ana
he is monarch of all lie surveys for 4
government inspector has more au-
thority than town constable
and when he perculated into our
car upon the line | realized that
the time had come when my paper col
lar and lone pair Of socks stood an
even chance of being ruthlessly tori
from their resting place in the corner
OF my borrowed grip and held up TO tht
unfeeing gaze Of an unsympathct,
public
| tried diplomacy and to entice th'
inspector into the smoking room.
room where we could inspect the con
tents Of that grip in silence but no. hc
must and would inspect then 'anC
there. | had been posing on the triI
as a multi-lard- millionaire. | realized
then that the golden bulb was abou,
to burst and like the unfortunate
aeronaut, who fell out of the balloon
| was sure to strike with a dull thud
Expression copyrighted).
When the grip was opened the ladies
expected to see purple and fine liner
by the bale tossed out, but when they
saw a gaping cavity-one pair of sock
and a lone collar. they smiled a faH
away smile. A small box of cigars
completed the list and when the man
Of many buttons got his eye on that
box he said: Your cigarS?" | answered
in the affirmative. He examined then
closely and put on a very sober look
and said: You know hay is q dutible
article when coming from the States. "
After giving me time to digest the
joke he said: Now | don't want you
TO sell or smoke those cigars q
don't remember which, in the Pro
Vinces." | don't know what he was
afraid of unless it was depopulating
the country or communicating the air.
With this parting injunction he blew
out of the car and left me to repaCh
my grip and explain to the party how
! happened to have such an abbreviat-
ed wardrobe.
Now there's the porter: he's not
Canadian. he is an export. Not an eX-
sport but one sent over by the Pull
man people like the cannibal to
browse on the BritisherS and to warm
his cold hands on them, % cents Q
warm. and when he told me in the
strictest confidence that he had travel
led with a great many parties. but
never in his life did he see such a nice
party as this was, | could not resist
the temptation to kiss the silver quar-
ter and bid it good bye. knowing it was
going out OF circulation by going into
his hands.
The guide over in Canada is sort of
a travelling encyclopedia, bound in
calf. He's a variable cuss. never at
loss for the just the proper thing to
say. For instance he's pointing out the
residence of the late lamented Queen
of Sheba or some other dignitary and
slips a cog and get a few houses be
yond, he figures that any old house
will do and hits up the next house,
knowing that all houses, like coons,
look alike to you.
In riding through the ancient part of
Quebec with my French American
driver, he pointed out to me an old
house that had seen better days. The
chimney was built on the outside.
custom that prevailed in the early
days. About midway up the chimney
was a hole big enough to drive a dag
through. | said: Make Peace. how do
they get the smoke out of that house?
Take it in pail and pour it in the
chimney" | felt better after getting
that joke out of my system. He look
ed at me with that queer French
Canadian look and said: "Oh no. dey
no takee de smokee out in paila. dey
let him go up de chimney. He go out
all right" l learned one thing ana
that was never fire off any Ostracised
jokes on a Canadian cab driver whose
hide isn't porous enough to absorb
them.
lind man is the creature of habit
ana When | returned from my 10 days
TRIP through Canada in Pullman ears |
had got so innoculated with the travel
ing mlcrobe and got so used to hear
ing the gentleman who whisked the
aust off my wardrobe sing out with
that true Southern accent: Due in the
station in about SO minutes. sar. Plenty
OF time TO dress; find your shoes right
under the berth" that | was like the
men on the Western prairie who had
travelled so much every time she saw
Il covered carriage coming along the
road she laid down ION her back and
STUCK her feet up in the air to have
them tied. and for days after my re-
turn used to light out of bed. balance
myself on one foot while dressing STUFF
my mother hubbard into nv grin
clutch it by the handle and bolt for tho
dlnlng room. and the family groun
would say: Why this haste?" But