St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1901-02-27
Short Stories.
The Euglishman's F ank TO st.

A well knows local minister who has
lust returned from an extended Western
trip tells The following:
Recently in Los Angeles FIVE promi-
nent gt ntlenen at foreign birth CHANGED to
meet. One was a Russian, one a Turk,
one Frenchman, one an American and
one an Englishman. These gentlemen
became bUsom friends, and finally a
champagne supper was proposed, at
which each ntleman, to be in keeping
with the times, was 10 give toast TO
his native country, the one giving the
best to be at no expense for the wine.
Here are the toasts gwen:
The Russian" Here's TO the stars and
bars OF Russia, that were never pulled
down"
The Turk-"Here's to the moons of
Turkey, whose wings were never clip
ped"
The Frenchman-"Here's to the cock
Of France, whose feathers were never
picked"
The American Here's to the stars
and stripes OF America, never tralIed in
de,
The EngIishman-"Here's to the ramp
in roarin' lion OF Great Britain, that
tore down the stars and bars OF Russia,
clipped III wings of Turkey picked the
athers off the cock OF France and ran
like h-l from the stars and stripes OF
the Uuied States OF America.
He Obeyed Like Soldier.
At Washington the other day it was
raining hard and the street cars were
crowded with passengers more or less
btdraggl d. Among them was General
Toe Wheeler. Next to him was woman
wearing a macintosh, who rose to get
out at Fourteenth and F SITS. General
Wheeler noticed an umbrella leaning
against the car seat. He grabbed the
umbrella and ran after the woman,
caught her at the door and said: Par
don me, madame, but you lett your UNI
brela." The woman looked puzz ed,
but took / he umbrella. General Wheeler
resumed his seat. Then woman on the
o her side ut him gave littlescream and
said: why, you nasty old man, you
gave that woman my umbrella" Then
she appealed to the conductor. Gener al
Wheeler apoloeized, but the woman
said: Now, you just get right off the
car and get it Tor me or I'll notify the
police" Meekv the veteran of three
wars tumbl IF into the rain and ran
after the woman with TIE macintosh
He made hurried explanation, & vt the
umbrella, and rushed back to the wait.
ing car. AS he handed it back to its
owner ht said Il trust you will par
uon me, madame, assure you it was all
a m'stak :" The woman glared at him.
Il don't know about that" she sn'tftd.
II uon't believe you are any better than
you ought to be - st, Paul's Dispatch.
The Queen or the Cow.
The chalrmans toast 10 the Queen at
Scottish agrcul ural dinner sumo years
ago has been recalled: Moo, gentlemen"
he said, will We ill your glasses. tor |
am about to bring torrlt The Queen
Our Queen. gentleman is really a wonder
tu wumnn, il | may say it; she's ane O.
the guild aul sort. Nae whigmaleeres
or fllderals about her but douce decent
lady. She's respectable beyond a doot.
She has brocht up grand family o. well
iaurtd lads aud las,e', her ouhiest son
being Ct edit to ony mther, and they're
a weel married. Ane daughter is nae
less than m trried to the Duke % ArgyIrs
son and heir. Gentlemt n. yell maybe
no. believe it, but l ance saw the Queen.
did. 1t was when ltook my auld broom
COO to Perth show. remember her
weel-such color, such hair!" (Interrup-
ton aud cries OF is it the coo or the
Queen ye're prop'sing?") THE Queen,
gentlemen. beg your pardon, but l
was talkin' about the COO. However. as
to the Queen Somebody pointed het
DOT to me al the Perth station, and thtre
she was, smart and tidylike. and says
to myself, Gin my aud woman at hame
slips ava We medina remain widow
another hour LANCER Moo, gentem n,
the whusky's good, the night is lang, the
weather is wet, and the roads are SAT-
and will harm naebody that comes to
greet. S } aft wi yer drink to the bottom !!
The Queen "
Another Lincoln Story.
"The Philadelphia Press" says that
Seth Thomas, who died in Camden, N.
J., las week was employed as tailor in
Pniau elphia during the civil war. The