Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1901-08-02

vention.
By order of the democratic state central
committee. G. A. HUFFMAN,
Chairman.
A. E. JACKSON, Secretary.
A Republican Shorter catechism.
Swift, in one of the letters which he
wrote from his Dublin exile to Pope
spoke ironically of the vacillations
and uncertainties of the cabinet of
the day. He said they ought to issue
a catechism every four months, in
order to let their bewildered support
ers know what to think and write
and speak on the leading political
questions. The idea is not bad one
for party doubtful about its own
changing politics in changing times
and, while confidently expecting
the issue of something OFF,
cial, we humbly volunteer a few
touchstones of Republican orthodoxy
today;
Question. VIII at is thechief end of
prosperity?
Answer. To glorify the Republican
party and keep it in office forever.
q. To what was the crop failure of
1894 due.
A. To the Wilson tariff and an i'm
beetle administration.
@. What are we to think of the
damage to to crops in 1901?
A. That it is the dispensation of
an all-wise Providence, intended to
try our faith and cultivate the grace
Of patience.
Q. What is labor union?
A. In presidential years it is a
noble band of workers, seeking the
common good.
@. What is in other years?
A. A nuisance.
q. What is strike?
A, When an election is pending,
1t is the dignitied appeal of laboring
men for the redress of intolerable
grievances, and Mark Hanna sees that
the employers gives in to the men.
Q. Why does he not do it at other
times?
A. He is too busy.
@. What is reciprocity?
A. It's an arrangement by which
we invite other nations to sell to us if
they will buy of US.
Q. What is the protective tariff:
A. The law devised to keep other
nations from selling to US.
@. Then is not pr election inconsis.
tent with reciprocity?
A. No.
Q. Why not?
A. The Republican platform says
it is not.
@. Is there any other reason.
A. There is.
q. Can you state it?
A. The Republican senate refuses
reciprocity treaties.
Q. Is that for the purpose of keep.
ing reciprocity consistent with pro-
lection?
A. No, it is for the purpose of keep
ing bogus jewelry and shoddy cloth
from competition.
Q. Then where does reciprocity
come in?
A. 1t comes in the platform.
Q. What is a platform?
A. 1t is formal promise to do Ger.
tain things If you are elected and dc
not change your mind.
@. Do you know what the cousti.
tuition is?
A. 1t is the supreme law of part OF
the land.
Q. In what part is it not supreme:
A. Where it does not apply.
u. How do you know where it ap.
plies and where it does not apply?
A. We know that it does not apply
where it would be inconvenient to ap.
ply it.
@. Does it apply to the Philippines?
A. No, because the FiIlipinos are
better off without it.
9. What are we going to do fer the
F1lipinos?
A. We are going to educate them.
Q. Does that mean to teach them
to read and think
A. 1t does
@. Should we let them read and
study the American constitution?
A. No.
q. Why not?
A. It would only confuse them.
q. May they read the history of the
Republican party?
A. 1t would be better not. They
might want to add chapter.
O.. Will the Declaration of Inde-
pendence be studied in Philippine
A. No; it would merely disturb
them.
@. May they read the Bible where
IT says that God hath made of one
blood all nations of men?
A. No.
@. Why not?
A. That would disturb us.
New York Post.