davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
0heyed Orders.

An old Yorkshire farmer was walk.
ing out one day looking very glum and
miserable. lie was typical York
shireman, and he dearly loved a joke.
But jokes seemed a long way off just
then, and the old man was thinking
deeply when he was accosted by a
tramp, who made the usual request for
nights lodgings and something to
eat, as he explained he had had moth
ing for two whole days. The effect
upon the farmer when he said this was
magical.
why, man." he said, 1--WE been look
ing for you all day.
And then without more ado he
Knocked him down and walked on him
from one end to the other. The tramp
got up, looking very staggered, and
asked him why he had done that.
"Well," said he, my doctor has or
dered me to walk on an empty stomach,
and now that l have fulfilled his in
junction l can go and have good feed,
and you can come with me."-Londop
Answers
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
Strange Lapse of Memory.

Cases of forgetfulness on matters of
interest are on record. While DR..
Priestley was preparing his work en-
titled Harmony of the Gospels" he
had taken great pains to inform him
self on subject which had been under
discussion relative to the Jewish Pass
over. He wrote out the result of his
researches and laid the paper away.
His attention and time being taken
with something else, some little time
elapsed before the subject occurred to
his mind again. Then the same time
and pains We're given to the subject
that had been given to it before, and
the results We're again put on paper
and Laid aside. So completely had he
forgotten that he had copied the same
paragraphs and reflections before that
it was only when he had found the
papers on which he had transcribed
them that it was recalled to his recol-
lection. This same author had fire.
quently read his own published writ
ings and did not recognize them.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
Child Baptism In EARLY DAYS.

The following from the early cour
records of York county, Me-, we give
verbatim ct literatim: AT a general
court held at Saco Sept. II, 1910, it is
ordered by the court that the Worship
full Thomas Georges and Edward God
frey, councillors for this province. shall
order all the inhabitants from Pisca.
taquis to Kenebache. which shall have
any children unbaptized as soon as
any minister is settled in any of their
plantations, they bring their said chill
dren to baptism, and if any shall refuse
to submit to the said order that the
party so refusing shall be summoned
to answer their contempt at the next
general court to be holden in this prov
ince."-Lewiston Journal
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
A COckney.

Bullokar, the photographer who gave
the famous definition for crocodile
tears" was outdone by Minshen, an
other dictionary maker of London, who
in 1917 issued the work which gave the
following amusing account of the or
igin Of the word ''cockney::" "a cock
ney, or cockny, applied only to one born
within the sound of the Bow bells
that is, within the city of London
whiche terme came first out of the fol.
lowing tale:
"a citizens some, riding with his ia
Their out of London into the country,
and being novice and merely ignorant
of how corne and catel do increase,
asked when he heard horse neigh
what the horse dide. His father an
swered, The horse dothe neigh Rid
ing further, he heard cock crow and
said, 'Dothe the cock neigh too?' And
therefore cockney, or cockneigh, by in
version thus: Incoctus,-i. e., raw or
unripe in countrey-mens affaires."
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
Notice of Incorporation of The Citi-
zens Hall Association.

This corporation shall be known as The Citi-
zens Hall Association, and it's principal place
Of business shall be at Gray, Iowa, Its business
shall be to erect, maintain and otherwise man
age, hall in the town of Gray, Iowa. Its
authorized capital stock shall be two thousand
dollars, eight hundred dollars of which shall be
paid for in full at the commencement of its
business and the balance as soon as the shares
may be sold. This corporation shall commence
business as soon as its certificate is received
from the Secretary of State and shall continue
for twenty years. Its Indebtedness shall at no
time exceed six hundred dollars and the private
property of the stock holders shall be exempt
from corporate debts.
The officers of this corporation shall consist
Of President, Secretary, Treasurer and six
Directors; said officers shall be elected by the
stockholders at their regular annual meeting
to be held at Gray. Iowa. on the third Thursday
IN December of each year, and shall hold office
for the period of one year and until their sue
cessors are elected
The following named persons shall constitute
the officers and board of directors, and shall
hold office until the first regular meeting, and
until their successors have been duly elected
and qualified: o. S. Welsh, President; j. L..
Nedrow, Secretary; A. A. Kusel, Treasurer; S.
G. Randles, T. B. Creveling, c. 81. Wilson, Fred
Ross, G. 7. Wiley, L. c. Hepp, Directors.
Cosson d Ross, Attorneys. OBJ
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
A NOVEL HOTEL BILL.
he Man to Whom 1t Was Presente,
Gould Not Ilntlerstand It

NG 10 uOH II WAS presented
Could Not Understand 1t.
Talking about bookkeeping, there
lsed to be man in Yankton whose
system of bookkeeping accounts was
wonderfully efficient. He kept hotel,
and he could neither read nor write.
He did not know how to spell his own
name, but he did thriving business
and collected every dollar of his ac-
counts Once, years ago, when first
came to this country, went to his no.
tel and stopped there two weeks"
writes Milt Brinben.
"When l left, he presented me with a
statement of what l owed him, and it
was curiosity. He had copied it from
his ledger. At the top Of the sheet
there was rude picture of a soldier
on the march and after it three straight
marks. Then there was a scene show
ing man at table eating. Then ap-
peared q bed with man in it. In the
amount column there was picture Of
doll and after it the two letters RS"
After the picture of a man eating there
were forty-two marks; after the view
of the man in the bed, fourteen marks.
/ looked at the account, then at the
proprietor and told him it would take
me week to answer that conundrum.
II was completely stumped, and when
that hotel man deciphered the amount
for ME it was this: The picture of the
soldier walking meant march, and the
three marks supplied the date, March
3, when | began boarding. The man
at the table with forty-two marks after
it indicated that had eaten forty-two
meals. The man in bed with fourteen
marks showed that l had slept in the
house fourteen nights. The doll with
the RS after 1t meant dollars and
in the figure columns appeared the fig
ures IA, which was the amount owed
him. And it was a true bill."-Yank-
ton Press.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
How Good Manners saved Hira.

This anecdote proves the profitable
character of good manners and was
told to me by descendant of the gen.
tleman who owned them: Mr.. NJ. Of
- was a rebel in 1745. He was
taken and was being brought to the
tower with Kilmarnock and Balmeri-
no. block stopped the sad cortcge.
and a lady. looking from a window.
cried. You tall rebel (Mr. NJ. was 6
feet 4 incnes,, you will soon be short
e. by Il head!'
Docs that give you pleasure. mad
ann" said Mr.. NJ.
Yes. it does.''
'Then. madam" said Mr.. NJ, taking
off his hat and making low bow, Il
do not die in vain
Lady was moved. She made in
terest for Mr.. NJ. There exists paper
in the hand of George II. to this effect:
Let Lady - THE name is obliterat-
edl have access to her tall rebel and be
hanged to her"
The royal clemency was extended to
Mr.. Nj. | saw his pardon, beautifully
engrossed within a decorative border
and framed. on the wall of his descend
ants study. 1t is fair to add that prac-
tlcal]y the whole county of Ross and
also the Earl of Sutherland petitioned
for the life of the courteous Mr.. NJ
Andrew Lang in Longman's.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
Salad Eating Good sense.

Even men are progressing gastronom-
ically. Scientific dietetics has at last
revealed to us the fact that the woman
who eats salad on hot day in July,
August or September is displaying
sound gastronomic sense, says What to
Eat. The long haired dreamer in the
restaurant may have been nineteen diff
.ferent kinds of a fool upon every other
proposition in life. but he knew what
to eat on a hot day. The human ami
NAL needs grass or it's equivalent in
summer. With their oil the salads sup
ply everything man physically needs
in hot weather. All the civilized races
of the world are salad eaters, but Amer
leans eat less than do any other people.
1t is not sign of mental decay or NOR
al degeneracy for man to eat salad: it
= gastronomic sense.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
Jumped on a Ten Penny Nail.

The little daughter of Mr.. j. N. Pow
ell jumped on an inverted rake made
out of ten penny nails and thrust
one nail entirely through her foot and
a second half way through. Chamber
lain's Pain Balm was promptly APP
piled and five minutes later the pain
disappeared and no more suffering was
experienced. In three days the child
was wearing her shoe as usual and
with absolutely no discomfort. Mr..
Powell is a well known merchant of
Portland, Va. Pain Balm is an anti
septic and heals such injuries without
maturation and in one-third the time
required by the usual treatment For
sale by W. A. Hamler, Druggist.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
smnu Rox.s Diyorce.

Clarence, aged five. had been severe
~ punished by his parents for disobedi-
ence. and the next day. without saying
word to any one, he called at the Of
flee Of the family legal adviser. who
happened to be particular friend of
the little fellow.
well, Clarence" said the man of the
law after shaking hands, what can
do for your
please, Mr.. Brown" said Clarence,
II want to get divorce from our fam
ily."-Newark News.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
when the Crowd Gnthered.

AT the close of some sports that were
being held at a country village one Of
the competitors, coming across the To-
cal policeman, inquired when the thea
ter opened.
1--WE have no theater here" said the
policeman.
well, the music hall, them
NO; nothing Of that kind here
Have you no evening amusement at
alp asked The stranger.
"Oh, yes" said the policeman, rising
to the occasion. IF you wait till 8
o'clock. you'll see them shunting the
goods train. London Spare Moments.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
trade for there was but one thought
uppermost in all minds: How will the
alonfint, 40 9

trade for there was but one thought
uppermost in all minds: How will the
election go
The revival services at the U. B.
church will begin tonight, Thursday
The presiding elder, Rev. w. f. Cronk
is expected Friday to assist in the SER
vices. He is not as brilliant an orator
as some but is profound thinker and
always gives his hearers something to
think about after they have been to
hear him. lie will preach next Sunday
at II o'clock. a. m. He will probably
remain until the latter part of next
week.
Died at his home in Gray, Iowa, on
Friday morning, November 1, 1901,
Lyman Harrison Benson, aged Y
years, 10 months and Is days.
Deceased was born at Union Vale,
Butcher county, New York, Deem
Der II, 1928, and was united in mar
riage to Hanna Lee on December 4,
1853, at Union Vale, who remains to
mourn the departure of a husband and
to traverse the pathway of life alone
after welded life of nearly forty
eight years. To this union was born
four children. One daughter died at
the age of fifteen and the other, Mrs.
James luton, preceding her father to
the spirit world, last March. The two
sons, John F., of Clinton, Iowa, and
Elmer L., of Dedham, Iowa, together
with the devoted wife were at his bed
side during the last sickness. Mr..
Benson was probably the oldest resi-
dent in our little village. Thus again
the community is made to realize that
death is abroad in the land. The fu-
neral services were conducted by Rev.
g, e. Bertch from the United Breth-
rem church, on Sunday at IL o'clock
in the forenoon, in the presence of a
Jorge circle of friends and the remains
We're laid to rest in the Gray Cemetery
there to await the final resurrection.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
THE STIRRuP CUP.

My short an4 !, day is e,ssss
The long !. night Iics on,
And at n.y. 49, s,e pale horse stands
To carry ne . unhnown lands.
His whia9y shrill, his paving hoof.
SOUND dreadful as gathering storm,
And riust leave this sheltering roof
And joys of life so soft and warEl.
Tender and warm the Joys of life;
Good friends, the faithful and the true;
My rosy children and my wife,
So sweet to kiss, so fair TO view.
So sweet to kiss, SO fair to view;
The night comes on. the lights burn blue,
And at my door the pale horse stands
To bear me forth to unknown lands.
John Hay.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
No ReciDrOcfty.

"Brownly thinks he has the smartest
child in the world"
EYES," answered the morose man.
"That illustrates the ingratitude of life.
There isn't one chance in thousand
that that child when he grows up will
go around declaring that he has the
smartest father in the world Wash
ington Star.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
The children,s Friend.

You'll have a cold this winter. Maybe YOU
have one now Your children will suffer too,
For coughs, Group, bronchitis. grip and other
winter complaints One Minute Cough Cure
to the taste and perfectly harmeiess. q 3.
George, Winchester KY. writes: sour little
girl was attacked by Group late one night and
was so hoarse she could hardly speak. We
gave her few doses of One Minute Cough
Cure 1t relieved her Immediately and she
went to sleep. When she awoke the next NORM
ing she had no signs of no arseness or Group.
Nick Doffing & Co
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
ROSS

Markets Tuesday: Corn old 4S, new
40c, oats 323c, wheat 55c, hogs $40
j. j. Courtney was down town,
Monday, with oats, of which he had
a fair amount this year.
Glen McCuen is watching every
day for the lumber for his house,
that he expects to erect ere long in
Ross.
Jeston Quimby returned the last of
week from trip to the northern part
of the state, attending to insurance
matters.
Sylvester Moore has fixed his
thresher up and is intending to
thresh corn for those desiring his SER
vices.
Fred Ruhs expected TO depart, this
week, for his old home in Illinois, to
visit for time with his folks and
many friends. :.
VIM. Groves, the blacksmith, went
home to Dedham last Tuesday to cast
his vote, as he still holds his resi-
dence there.
The cold weather drove people to
Ross to get coal, early Monday, and
the trade has kept up good, during
the past week.
Henry Conboy has ordered his
lumber for the new home he is to
erect in Ross and will start the work
men, as soon as it gets here.
The boys, that have been gather
ing up old IRON for some time shipped
out a car Wednesday and will soon
reap a good profit for their labors
here.
G. ID. Hart has built for himself "a
fine new winter cave and is now pre-
pared for winter in all her changing
moods and his goods will be safely
stored.
Frank Bamsey was in town Tues
day and purchased of Geo. Stemm the
harness maker u new set of farm
harness, SO as to be ready for his win
ter's hauling.
We understand that Allie Quimby
has the job Of lathing the new home,
of Mr.. Adams in Ross, and will soon
have it ready for the plasterers and
then for occupancy.
John Lovelace, one of the best
farmers in the county, was one of the
first in the community to finish his
corn husking and has it in the crib
and away from the storm.
Harry Bates expected to finish his
corn husking this week and then de-
vote all his time looking after the
erection of his new house, so as to be
ready to take charge of the imple-
ment business the first of December.
VIM. Welderstein had forethought
enough to lay aside his winters sup
ply of potatoes as he was down to
| Gene Talbott's place last week and
got load of 40 bushels, while Ferd-
lnand Weiderstein laid in 80 bushels.
This crop is one of the great aud uni
versal failures and the man who has
plenty is among the few.
Halloween night has gone and now
remains but recollection. But
with that recollection there is the
visions of wagons upon the Leake
elevator, that must have taken much
strength and exertion to place there.
Other signs were also manifest, that
more than lusty youth prowled in
the darkness to do those wild deeds
attributed Of old to COLLINS, elfs and
horrid forms.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
A Woman Balancing.

When woman stoops over to pick
up something on the floor, why does
she always balance herself on one foot,
extending the other outward and back
ward as counterpoise? This ques.
ton, not new, never has been satisfac.
torily answered.-New York Press.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
An Expert.

Professor-lf person in good health.
but who imagined himself sick. should
send for you. what would you do?
Medical Student = Give him some
thing to make him sick and then adj
minister an antidote.
Professor Don't waste any more
time here. Hang out your shingle.-
New York Weekly.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
The Equality Line

"All people," remarked the earnesl
citizen. ARE born equal''
Perhaps" answered the deliberate
friend. but they don't stay equal any
longer than it takes for their parents
to provide them with clothes and play
things" Exchange.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
In pemptat,on,s WAY

Jones-Has your wife got her new
hat yet?
Brown-No; I've given her the money
FOR 1t several times, but she has spent
1t on some great, glorious bargain she
saw before she got to the milliner shop
Detroit Free Press.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
A Caution. statistician.

How large permanent population
has Crimson Gulch" inquired the tour
list
We'll" answered Broncho Bob,
we've got about 4o7 living here, but
with so much boss stealin' an brace
faro eoin' on wouldn't allude to any
body as bein' particular permanent" -
Washington Star.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
A Born Musical Genius,

Joshua Straw-Our boy Silas is gon'
t be musishun. er miss my guess
Mrs. Straw-Dew tell!
Joshua Straw-Yes, stree! You jes'
ort t see him prick up his ears when
he hears you blow the dinner horn
Columbus (OJ State Journal.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
He Loved Lawxers

1t is said that Peter the Great, after
witnessing contest between two emil
nent counsel at Westminster, London,
remarked: when left ST. Petersburg,
there We're two lawyers there. When
i get back. will hang one of them"
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
Beers Got AWAY with Guns.

Pretoria, Nov. Sit is now known
that the Beers got away with the two
guns captured from Colonel Benson's
column in the recent engagement near
Brakenlaagte, eastern TransvaaI
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
A Reasoner.

Old Lady--Now. little boys, can any
of you tell me what commandment
Adam broke when he ate the forbidden
fruit?
Tommy-Please, ma am, there wasn't
any commandments then,-San Fran
cisco Chronicle.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
OF More immediate Value.

Miss Emerson (of Boston)-I presume
yours is not one of the Mayflower fam
lilies.
Miss Triplex (of Minneapolis)-No
indeed. Ours is one of the famous
Minnesota flour families. Chicago
News.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07

Some people expect fortune to break
IN the door and announce her arrival
through a megaphone.-Nas Ban
ner.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07
Miss STONE Safe and Wei,

Samakov, Nov. 5.-Miss Stone and
Nine. Tsi1ka have been seen within
the last two DAYS by emissaries of Mr.
] Dickinson. Both are safe and well.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07

Duty Is power which rises with us
in the morning and goes to rest with
US In the evening. Gladstone.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07

About the only way to convert some
people is to leave them alone Dallas
News.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1901-11-07

where there's will there's way"
which is just as likely to be the wrong
one as the right.-P ittsburg Dispatch.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1901-09-07

some one who will sign it and the
teachers viii be appointed next week.
Mr. Tabler said Yes, Mr.. Dodd.
Mr.. Whetzel is with MS. I call that
coercion. In bad humor the gen.
tlemen left me.
1 came on to town and learned
that Mr.. Ramer had not fought am
investigation, but the lawyers had. Ii
was said he had asked for an investl-
CATION and under those conditions /
signed the certificate. +"
Commissioner Tabler said that what
-1r. Dodd had said was correct and
that Mr.. Dodd took the stand he did
until they explained 1t to him that
Kramer had not opposed an inyestiga-
ton
Commlssieer Paulding said: SIN
the name OF God what is this country
coming to if we are to allow things
to 90 that way, to allow Il man o
sit in the chair and act the wav
he does?'i
He spoke of Prof Cole as the best
public school uperintendent Martins
burg ever had,
He continued Matters in the
School Board go on harmonoiusly if
we don't have some one to raise the
devil The devil was disappointed to-
night and everything is calm. | hone
he Will come back and we y1ll set
him afre. .
The board then adjourned. 1t was
10. 20 o. clock.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1901-09-07
a,1cK TIME TO BuYFALo.

Persons who have not yet visited
the Pan-American Exposition should
bear in mind that the route via c..
V. and Pennsylvania r r. is at least
three hours quicker than by any other
route and but one change of cars in
the Union Depot, Harrisburg.
Leaving Martinsburg :15 a. m. due
Buffalo 40 same evening and leaving
Z sop IN. dne Buafio : :35 following
Z orning.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1901-09-07

very near putting the finishing
touches ON him. One ball came right
straight for his head, but he didn't
know whether it was the National
League rule to get out OF the way OF
it or not so he stood still and and
let il hif him in the head. The
physicians did the rest.
In the center field the Colonel !
proved a Walker and runner too.
He made an attempt at catching one
fly, but all the others he waited for on
bounce and then had to run after
them.
sammy, in left field made one
brilliant catch. "Oh he ought to do
that he's used to catching water.
melons and cabbage heads. one Ct
the leans was heard TO remark.
Below is the score. Leans and fats
If you notice any mistakes blame it
on Scorer Buxton or Loyett. Either
one viii do.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1901-09-07
SEREkhDED BY LAWMAKERS.
Edgar IL. Lambert and Bride Serenaded
with Unique emusic" by Brother
Uaymakers

Last Monday about 7.30 p. IN. Hay
makers Association No. so 1-2 as
sembled in the Red Mems Hall. and
after donning their costumes and
getting together their hayrakes etc.
etc marched in a body to the home of
their companion Havmaker, MIR.
Edgar II. Lambert, e. Liberty street,
and proceeded to serenade him and
his bride with full band of music
composed of tin horns. oil pans,
trlangles and anything else that
would make noise. Mr.. Lambert
soon tired of this, invited his noisy
guests to enter. Congratulations were
in order. Companion Wilson, who
was spokesman for the party ably
aeuuited himself. When the Hay
makers were escorted TO the dining
room large table heavily laden with
good things. stood before them, and
the visitors proceeded to help them
selves in good old farmer" style.