Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-06-08
GOOD
Short Stories

The late Ignatius Donnelly was once
rudely interrupted in the course Of
political speech by head of cabbage
thrown from the audience. Gentle
men," he said, mildly, 81 only asked
your ears; don't care for your heads"
Years ago, when Bret Harte, fresh
from the Pacific slope, heard the list
of famous men living at Cambridge, he
said to Mr.. Howells: "Why, you
couldn't fire a revolver from your front
porch anywhere without bringing down
a two-volumerp'
An interesting story is being told of
Queen Alexandra, which is typical of
the woman. Some one at Osborne adj
dressed her as your majesty the
day after Queen Victoria passed away.
There cannot be two queens" she re-
marked, adding that she wished to be
called her royal highness" until after
the funeral of Queen Victoria.
Two rival manufacturers of French
coffee met before judge. The latter
took up one of the contestants empty
tins, and said: 81 do not consider this
an honest label. On the front you
place in large letters, Pure French
Coffee and on the back in small let
ters-in very small letters-you print,
"A Compound of Chicory,' ETC." The
person thus addressed unused for mo-
ment. Then he said, quite meekly:
but will your lordship kindly explain
to the jury by what means you distin-
guish between the front and the back
of round tin?'
Queen Victoria was fortunate in hav-
ing as her first prime minister and con-
stitutional tutor in one, Lord Mel
bourne. That statesman's profanity
characteristic of the age when every
body damned everybody's eyes-and
other personal peculiarities have loom
ed so large in story and legend as to
obscure the real sagacity and accom-
plishments of the man. Perhaps his
sharpest collision with her was on the
point of the title which her husband,
Prince Albert, was to be given. The
Queen strongly wished the prince to be
made king consort by act Of Parlia-
ment. Melbourne evaded the issue as
long as possible, but her majesty finally
insisted upon categorical answer. Il
thought it my duty to be very plain
with her." said the premier afterward;
81 said, For Gods sake, let's hear no
more of it, ma'am; for if you once get
the English people into the way of
making kings, you will get them into
the way of unmaking them
One night Hon. William D. Faulke,
in a speech before a small meeting in
Indiana, when James D. Williams and
Benjamin Harrison were opposing can
didates for the governorship, related
the following story: "Mr. Williams,
who was then a member of Congress.
was one day washing his hands at one
of the lavatories in the Capitol, when
an attendant handed him three towels.
He sighed at such wanton extrava-
gance, and exclaimed: why, down at
my farm 1 make single towel last the
whole family a week." In the East this
was considered a good story, but Mr..
Faulke was astonished to see that there
was not a smile upon any of the faces
before him; indeed, the countenances
took on even deeper gloom. On his
way home, as they drove through the
woods, his companion said to him:
"You didn't make great hit with your
story about Blue jeans family
towel" mo, 1 didn't seem to-" do
you know why?' mo" "Well, I'll
tell you. There wasn't farmer in that
crowd that hadn't done the same thing
himself"