The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-10-26

First Office Boy-WOtS Jimmy cfyln
for?
Second Office Boy-His grandmud-
der's dead and going ter be buried on
| a Bits.
Church-Did you buy one of those
| extras?
Gotham-Yes.
Anything in it?"
| mo; nothing extra-''-Yonkers States
man.
| Herr Svenson (after a tumultuous
| domestic scene)-If you are my better
| half, what an Internal monster I must
| be!-Exchange.
| In forbidding his officers to carry
| their pianos around with them General
| Kitchener shows that he doesn't be-
! lieve in holding the forte.-Cleveland
| Plain Dealer.
"Say, ma"
sWell?"
There are seven liars in our class
| at school,"
| ooh, I wouldn't say that, dear. You
| might be mistaken
NO. I amt. Yesterday the teacher
| said all of that never told lie
should hold up our hands"
| And were there seven there who
didn't hold up their hands?"
mo. There We're seven that did.
| Chicago Record-Herald.
"Marse Tom, I been sorter thinkin
lately bout my Christmas gif':'
| why, you're two months ahead of
time."
Eyes, sub, I knows I is; but you
mos inginrully makes SIGH po'
mouth wen Christmas come, lowed
| dat I'd start right now, on the Install
ment planl"-Atlanta Constitution.
The following story was told by a
| travelling man:
| r..
| little town in western Kansas the
| other day, when I met a farmer haul
ing a wagon load of water.
! Where do you get water?" said l.
up the road about seven miles" he
replied.
''And you haul water seven miles for
your family and stock?"
| YEP"
| "Why in the name of sense don't you
| dig a well -
because it's jest as far one way as
| the other, stranger. "-Exchange.
| "How do you like my new hato'
| asked the first woman of the other at
| the matinee. THE total cost was only
| $20.'
Pardon me- madame" chimed in the
| Disguised man behind, but you should
| include the price of my seat, which
makes the total $21.5 O.''-Philadelphia
| Press.
| thusiasm to James Russell Lowell
about the noble conduct of the United
| States government in providing pen
sions to the amount of tens of millions
| of pounds sterling year for men VINO
| had served in the civil war
| Il do not wish to disparage the gen
erOSity of my cOuntrymen, was Low
ellis reply, "but I may just observe that
| these persons are voters.''-Argonaut
Desmond-What do you find to say in
| favor of Sunday golf?
| Osmond-Well, it keeps lot of peo-
| pie from reading trashy novelS.-Brook-
Ign Life.
Mrs Cobwigger-I see the women are
| agitating for a law of mo seat. no
| fare
Cobwigger-As a pretty woman is
| never allowed to stand. it seems to be
| rather a question of mo fair. no seat"
Judge.
"Ah, professori" exclaimed the con-
| ceited young man, condescendingly Il
| wish I knew as much as you do You
| would know more than I do replied
the shrewd professor, who understood
this young man IF you only knew as
| much as you think you know.'-Catho-
lie Standard and Times.
"Supposing I give you your supper"
said the tired-1ooking woman, what
will you do to earn it?'' Madam said
Meandering Mike, I'll give you de op-
portunity Nv SEEM man go troo a
whole meal widout findin' fault wild a
single ting" The woman thought a
minute and then told him to come in
and she'd set the table.-Washingto
Star.
"I've been hearin' John" said the old
farmer to the son who had just return
ed from college, that We spent good
deal of yer time in chop houses.
'sWel1, yes,'' admitted the boy, Il sup
pose 1 did frequent them quite a bit
I'm glad to know it, john" asserted
the farmer with a sigh of relief. I was
afraid We might git out of trainin while
We was away an fergit how to handle
the ak. Our chop house. John, is in the
same old place right back of the kitch-
en-, an We can't git to work there too
soon to suit me- There's nigh onto SIX
| cords O. wood that needs to be cut up
| right away."-Chicag Post.
He-You owe me ten kisses. Pay up!
She-Explain, sir!
Hell won 'em. You know very well
| kisses and won. L
She-Oh, but kisses, you know
He (firm ly)-Kisses should be paid.
just as religiously any other debt.
/ a note?
He-Yes.
Sheer a check?
| He-Yes.
| Sheer a-draft?
| He-Certainly.
She-Then, you poor fellow! I'll give
you draft on mamma.-San Francisco
Bulletin.
Mr.. Finnigan-Phwat's thot yez do be
paintin'?
Miss Annabelle Finnigan-Cupid, pa.
The god of love, We know.
Mr. Finnigan-Fer tn love of heaven,
put a R-raglin an him. He looks like a
golf caddy.-Judge.
Two men were discussing an acquaint-
| ance whose desire to gain wealth and
[ .aiStaSta for any demands mon his