The Penn's Grove record., 1901-07-12
A Real Funny Star

Old Tim Linkins, the barber ofWabasb Avo
nue., Chicago, Is Q great student of proyerbial
philosophy, and he sometimes entertsira NJ
customers, In the interval Of a "soraneo nr
" haircut by his apt applications OF the we'll.
known proverbs OF the past to the cnnditiot.
or requirements of the present. His reorin@
customers know his strong point, and many a
man who apparently goes in for a sL,ya l.
really in search of n rest In a cosy chat az
has a desire to hear Tim hold forth MO
verbally. One day last week a stranger came
in for a shave, and as he stretched bimsolf
YEARLY In the chair, Tim prepared 10 iatbnr
him. The man i~ncidently remarked that he
had Intended coming in earlier in the day bnt
had been prevented. "WeIl. it's better late
than never, . said Tim, smiiingly. Not nj
ways replied the stranger. slowly. How
about losing your pocketbook | never lost
sooner have kept it. Now, why was il better
for me to lose It late than not at ali - Tim
acknowledged that he was wrong and the mar
continued Don't know what / would have
done in my predicament, only an old acnnain.
lance of mine on the Lake front let me have
twenty to go on with" All" Clipped in
Tim, that was goodl A friend in need IL n
friend indeed" mo, he isn't" snapped the
man who was being shaved. "There you're
dead wrong again. How can a friend IN need
be a friend indeed? | have a good many friends
who arc always in need and thov are n nuisance
to me. Always on the borrow. Tim thought the
problem over in his mind and reluctantly adj
mitted that the man was right. He hnd al
most made up his mind not to sneak again
when the stranger continued, "Yes sir. they
are instances. Why, one of them fellows has
been calling on me for the past year and
threatens to get even with me some way il |
do not loan him fifty dollars. He threatens
me at every visit" "oh, l wouldn't mind
that, " repliod Tim unconsciously "you know
the old adage "A barking dog never bites.'"
There you are again, - said the " shayee " as
he wiped a little lather from the corner of
his mouth. Say, what do you know about
dogs, anyway, that you talk in such a silly
strain 2 Have you ever yentured to 60 too
close to a barking dog,-and II You did what
did he do to you 2 Did You ever know a bark
ing dog that didn't bite il he got the chance?
Tim said he couldn't exactly call to mind an,
canine acquaintance that strictly fulfilled the
claim in the proverb, and there was a silence
for q few minutes while his razor was gliding
over the mans face. Then the barber smiled
to himself as he bethought him of good joke.
Il suppose, " he said, az he applied the bay
rum. II suppose you don't believe in the bar
ber4' provorb at alp Whats that ?' asked
the stranger, rising. 1.-TWO heads are better
than one,' answered Tim. "Of course Won
can understand why they are, in my business,
but l know you would like to say they would
he bad for a man with the headache or"
NOlulub VI ~ hAh'y Pub III Ii OtItE, hIlli-
ing. tone of your proverbs, at least, is right.
happen to know that two heads are better
thar one" Then you don't object to that
old adage 2" Not at all. 1t Is dead right.
And / would thank you very much il you have
any stray Lion heads at hand-those taken
from the Lion Coffee wrappers. My wife is
collecting them and she is about six shy of
the number required to get a Lady's Gold
Watch. You see in this case two heads are
better than one, and twenty are better than
ten" "JuBt go, " added Tim, cheerfully, but
you see, my wife is doing the same thing and
expects a premium in a few weeks. SO to her
also, two heads are better than one " "Well,
In that case" said the stranger, as he paid
Tim for the shave and prepared to depart,
lyon had better tell your wife to do tho sams
as mint is doing. Save up the Lion heads
until after September LIST next, when the new
Premium List is issued. Then If she sends
them to the Woolson Spice Co. Toledo, Ohio,
she can have her pick Of, some very choice
presents.