The Virginia enterprise., 1901-02-15

| oHC VI Tie NIlCleSl speeches OF tilc
evening was made by D. n. Lockwood
One of his. best stories was of Squire
| Murray, who weighed 300 pounds and
who was born in Ireland. was in the
whisky business here, and held his court
on the Terrace. The courtroom was
like Il courtroom in Ireland. The bench
was five feet from the floor, with a chair
whose back reached to the ceiling The
| trimmings of the room, were all green
Mr.. Lockwood and Judge Beckwith were
trying out case before the squire
There was no jury. At the close the
| squire paused.
Dc YOU wish to sum up?' he asked.
Il leave it all with your HONOR said
Mr.. Lockwood. who advises young law
ycrs with IL ticklish cause and friendly
face on the bench to do likewise.
III sum up" said Judge Beckwith.
| "Nery well,' replied Squire Murray.
! "WbiIc you're at it I'll slip down in
Lockwood. But Ill be back before you
| fniSh.'
The squire and Mr.. Lockwood went
| out. The squire was in search of the
spirit Of the law at the root Of the law.
Mr.. Lockwood thinks they had drink.
On the stairs, halfway back to the court
room; with the echo Of Reckwith's voice
sounding in their ears, the squire
StIpDtd.
'Lockwcod," said he, you've won
yo,r ease
Then they went in and heard Beck
with finish summing up.-Buffalo Ex-
press.
, \ Feline Slap.-.TeSs-"1ts quite likely
that my uncle will leave me quite a for
tune. He's dying, you know" Jess
"Oh. isn't that diStreS>inS:" Tess--"Ev
yes, | do feel sorry for the poor old"
Je:S;S-"\onSensc! | was sympathizing
with you, dear. TO think that ali this
wealth should come to you when it's al
most too late to do you any good''--
Philadelphia Press.
''Franccs,' said the little girls NAM
ma. who was entertaining callers in the
parlor, you came downstairs so noisly
that you could be heard all over the
house. You know how to do it better
than that, Now, 80 back and come down
the stairs like lady"
Frances retired, and, after the lapse of
few minutes, re-entered the parlor.
did you hear me come downstairs this
time, mamma?"
NO, dear, I am glad you came down
quietly. Now, don't let me ever have to
tell you again not to come down noisily,
if you will. Now tell these ladies' how
YOU managed to come down like n lady
the second time, while the first time you
made so much noise.''
The last time I slid down the banis-
ters.' explained Frances.-Tit-Bits.
"Miss Minks." said the proprietor, ''do
you know anything about the new min.
church in Havelock street hercafter?"
YES" replied the shop woman. HE is a
isn't married" Miss Minks.'' said the
proprietor, briskly. You may put all the
now bonnets we have in the front win
dow .'-Tit-Bits.
She-"Do you remember the FIRST quar-.
rel you had with your wife,
He-"Distinctly.'
What was it about:"
oh. about a kiss
Yes"
But doesn't she like kissing?"
Oh. yes
Why, then, did she object:'
81 was kissing another woman
Yonkcrs Statesman.
Sanitary Questionable gazed at the
individual who was spread over four
seats IN 4 crowded railway car and mur-
INJURED: May l ask you question o.
The individual grunte assent. "Have
examined
yet for trchinosis ?'--Pittsburg Chron.
icle-Telegraph.
Fortune Teller examining Teacaddy's
hand)-"1ts no use pretending Won Will
live to be an old man. Your line of life
shows you will die before you are 10. You
VII DC very successful, etc, etc. PIRATES
wedding. You will get married in your
thirty-hfih year and have fifteen chill
Teacaddy- the deuce can that
happen; You said just now 1 should not
foot in it)-"Ah. yes, SO did. IAN and~abem pa, eaa
fact -ahem-that you will-um, um.
ahem-will marry widow with thir-
teen"'-Pick- -Me-Up.
She Worried.-Nipp-"M wife wor-
RED all 1azt week for & fsaT r., I should de
it was several days before 1 got it re-
newed. .'-Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
Two inmates of Scotch asylum, work
ing in a garden, decided upon an attemnt
at escape; Watching their opportunity
when their keeper was absent, they ap-
preached the wall.
Moo, bend doom, Sandy said the one,
top, and then Ri gle ye: hand m II tae en
Sandy, accordingly, bent down. Tam,
mounting his back, gained the ton of the
wall, and, dropping over the other side.
shouted. as he prepared to make off:
I'm thinking, Sandy, you'll be better
ia bide anither fortnight, for you're no
near n RIGHT yet."-Glasgow Evening
An Agreeable Form Of Philanthropy:
Mrs. Brown-"We are going to give 4
progressive euchre for the poor. I love
to do something for the poor!'' Ms.
Jones-'.So do l. love to play pro9res-
slve euchre for them. m.'-Brooklyn Life.
sas-Car(y)Nation. ..S-IIs'.e,..s.- -,