Sunday morning globe., 1901-10-20

salary paid TO female clerks in my Office.
Il may seem selfish 70 you Mr. President
who has such high American ideals. but
believe in taking care of myself first then
my relatives, then my friends, then my
my relatives friends, then my friends
friends. Inever concern myself about the
public tits big enough to take care ofitself
l have another niece Grace, in the War
Department
The amazement, indignation and disgust
with which our strenuous President would
receive this shameless confession of the
prostitution of public trust may be more
easily imagined than described However
let that pass while II, Clay Evans presents
Josiah Shaw with his monthly report Mr.
President permit me to present Mr. Josiah
Shaw, the author Of the now celebrated
monthly report Josiah show the report"
Josiah is about to present his aye-inspiring
document when the President. with apparent
WEAKNESS and impatience waves it aside
and inquiries What does this report per.
tain to- Is it kept for the purpose of de.
terminiug the efficiency &c, of the clerks,
and on which you base promotions"2
mo, oh no We never refer to that at
ALL All promotions in my Office are based
on other grounds than merit You see, Mr..
President Josiah is supeIanuated, and he
never did banker after work, 50 Just keepit
so as he can pretend to be doing something.
Josiah is a bowling success on preteuses,"
Josiah, smiling and blushiug like a school
girl, moves along with his precious monthly
under his arm and his sI5o salary in his i'm
side pocket.
Then comes old Daddy Gambrill with
stack Of card slips under his arm, his
whiskers floating in the breeze like Old
Glory at half mast This is Papa Gambrill,
the custodian of the standing and reputa-
tious of physicians and the official capacity
of justices of the peace and uotaries public
] carry him along at 81, 100 as a favor TO Mr..
Wardeld" Old Papa totters along, clutch
ing tcnaciously at his stack of card slips
Then comes Bames-Barnes of Peunsyl-
vania. Barnes. the Superintendent, leaning
ou the arm of Miss Jessie McCurdy This
was indeed, a precious sight Barnes was
trying to smile and look pleasant, but his
whi-kers iuteriered and his efforts termi-
mated in sickly snicker He looged mp at
Jessie, and Jessie, giggling and wrggling,
beamed down on Barnes, as much as to say,
Barnes dear, if it were not for your whis-
kers you would be a tootsey wootsey."
This little man Mr. President. is Barnes.
the superintendent of the building He is
looking little mild to-day, but there is no
man living who can abuse official power
like that little creature before you The
way that he can persecute a Democrat or
some old veteran who has spoken Of me
disrcspcctfully IS indeed remarkable"
Then Jessie beams on him some more
and thinks what a brave little man
he is Then Mr. Evans, seeing that
the President is growing weary of
his ragged assortment Of has.been, tells
him briefly of Barnes courage and cunning;
how he joined the Farragut Post of the c.
A. r. and held me mbership for six months
before IL was found out that he never served
either In the military or naval service of the
United States how he bullies and brow
"N'h" hNH AANN NlAANANA lllAls nAAf WI
President he could not be equal to the oc-
ca-iou If itwere not for the way he is sus-
tanned and encouraged by Miss McCurdy
You will observe that she is no teuderfoot
nor q spring chicken. She-was bred in the
mountains ofold West Virginia, and IN her
veins courses the blood of the terrible Boil
liycrs and the precious NcCoys. that have
carried qu one Of the most deadly feuds
ever known iu that State"
but the President interrupts him with the
What has an thatto do with her
merits as "a clgrks' oh as I told YOU be.
fore Mr. President, never concern myself
about the merits or demerits of a clerk if
they suit me iu other respects"
rs Evans vanishes through the door the
President leans back in his chair and won.
ders how q a republican government can
long exist with such men exercising official
authority
Next week we will have Evans introduce
a few more of his favorites to our Chief
Magistrate,