Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-03-09
Aumorons department.
InHN ALIENS FUNNIEST.

The retirement from the house Of rep
resentatives at the close of the recent
congress, of John M. Allen, Of Missis-
sippi, terminated all hope Of Wash
ingtonians to hear fall from his lips
more Of those humorous phrases Of
this wag's invention, which like the
sallies of poor Yorick, were wont to set
the table on a roar. One of his good
stories is this:
Before my election came home one
night and found that while off on my
campaign the leaders Of our party had
organized a Cleveland. Hendricks and
Allen club, and they were to have a
meeting that night. I went, and when
they got through speaking they called
on me. I expressed my convictions,
and said what wanted them to do for
me when the election took place, in
about two weeks. There were a good
many Negroes present, and wanted to
get them interested; so I got the boys
to call on Jim Cummings, an old, slim
Negro. Old Jim got up and said:
Well, gentlemen, youse heard Mr.. Tay-
lor and Mr.. Anderson on the politics
of the day. They'se told you what sort
of a man Cleveland is, and what sort Of
a man Blaine is, and it don't look to me
like no honest man ought to have any
trouble in picking out between the
two. You have also heard Mr.. Allen
crate about hisself; and he has recon-
mended himself so much higher than
the balance of us can recommend him
that it amt wuth while fer me to say
anything much about him."
Mr.. Allen takes special pride in this
poker story, because" says he, "the
oratory employed in it is thoroughly IL
Illustrative Of Southern pluck, of which
I claim to be the highest type. There
was lot Of drummers in the smoking
car Of a Southern train, and they were
talking about the games Of poker they
had played. An old fellow was sitting
near them. He wore an ancient high
hat and was smoking a pipe. One of
the drummers said: 7 played a remark
able game the other night. We were
playing jack-pots, draw limit. 4 man
across the table opened the Jackpot; !;
raised him; he raised me back; rails
ed him about 81 times; then I called
him. He had jack high straight
flush Hereupon the old fellow ad-
dressed the speaker; he seemed disap-
pointed at the story. And you called
him?' he asked. Yes "Ah," exclaim-
ed the old fellow with a sigh, times
amt like they used to be. Why, gen.
tlemen, I am betting on a hand that
was played in 1857. I will explain how
it was. You see am from Tennessee.
In 1857 my father and old Colonel Dob
bins started into a game at Murfrees-
boro, and they got to betting. It ap-
peared like they were both pretty we'll
satisfied with their hands, and neither
Of them was willing to call. They kept
on betting as long as they had any
gers. They kept that up as long as
they had any niggers, and then they
got to betting land. They kept betting
as long as they had any land, and then
they agreed just to seal up their hands
and put them in the safe, and as they
got money along, to put it upon them.
That went on till the war broke out;
my father went into the Confederate
army and he was killed. Old Colonel
Dobbins died. But after the war was
over the old coloners son, Jim, and me,
we took it up, and as we git money
along now we put it up on them hands;
and, strangers, I do hope to get them
hands before die
"a colored orator can rise to very elo-
quent heights. I once heard a pithy
funeral sermon delivered by a Negro
preacher over a defunct darky. The
dead man had been fond of attending
gay parties, where he whistled and
danced, and these practices the preach
er did not approve, so he said: My
breathern and sisters, we are here to
pay our last sad respects to our depart
ed brother. Some says he was good
man. and some says he was a bad man.
Where he has gone to we can't tell; but
in our grief we has one consolation,
and that is-that he is dead! New
York Press.