Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1901-02-07
ride. "you lust stir until II oar.

consistency of cream. put In pinch
Of salt and flavor to taste. That's
what they always say. | have read It
hundreds of times, can't fail.
shall just slap them into a tin pan and
put them in the oven" l felt | was
succeeding so well that l actually be-
gan to hum, when suddenly 1t occurred
to me to wonder IL one creased the
tins. when in doubt. don't grease"
| said to myself, and quickly deco.
rated the pans with dabs of dough.
Five minutes later had a slckening
feeling, for Maria had never told me
about the oven. ! felt sure, however,
that, being man. would understand
any such mechanical contrivance as
a gas stove. wondered what under
the sun possessed the inventor of a
gas stove TO put the oven down near
the floor. | am rather portly man,
and getting down on my knees to
look into that old oven wasn't a. easy
thing. l turned on the gas and went
for the match. When 1 came back
and crawled on my hands and knees
To light the jet-great heavensLan
explosion occurred that sent me half
across the room. In the middle of it
all 1 heard that internal milk boiling
over again.
The greatest Of natures. when
aroused, sometimes become terrible.
l felt murderous. 1 also felt desper.
ate. | gradually approached that oven
again assumed the attitude of prayer
and put those biscuits in with slam.
was perspiring all over. 1 took off
my tie and collar and looked at my
watch. 1t was $780, l was to have
dinner at 6, and the tomatoes We're not
touched yet! l wiped them off. got
the butcher knife and began to peel
them, for l reflected l had no time
to waste in cooking them.
l would eat those microbes alive.
Life at this crisis seemed of little worth
anyway. l had read somewhere that
tomatoes should be skinned, not peeled;
but the more l tried to skin those
pesky things the more the insides came
too. A terrible expression came over
my face. / did not know but my usu-
ally kind disposition was ruined for
life, but l felt sure of the biscuits and
the oyster soup-what remained of it.
Then l put the chops on the fire. 1t
was about Z. The chops Immediately
started to see if they could not beat
the soup and sputtered and blazed to
such an extent that felt desperate. 1
was watching them every moment
when thought aloud: "By Jove, there
are the biscuits! Perhaps l had better
look at them" They were all there,
but somehow they looked detected.
While l was finding out from the cook
book (Which l Immediately consulted)
that | ought to have put baking pow
der in them the smell of burned flesh
made me rush to the stove, only to find
my chops black and beyond rescue.
felt myself an unfortunate man. l be-
gan to humble incoherently to myself
and feared that it was all going to
work upon my brain. With the astute-
ness that characterizes me as distin-
guished from my fellow men gave up
all efforts. At this moment, because
all hope was lost and 1 was on the look
out for misfortunes, cried out, "Blam-
ed if haven't forgotten the potatoes"
1 had the look Of one of the early
Christian martyrs. They, too, had suf-
fered and, loved and lost Even the in
vectives 1 had used were not sulphur
GUS enough.
I went out into the shed and brought
back a pail Into that I scraped the
soup carefully. Next dumped in the
biscuit. Then I gently put the toma-
toes and chops on top. This accom-
plished, l passed hurriedly out into the
back yard, stopping only to get SHOW
ell out of the wood shed. l dug hole
and tossed the whole thing in. Then
meekly returned to the house and re-
called myself on some bread and butter
which l found in the pantry. Just as
was doing this the clock struck 8,
and Maria came home.
"Hello, dearp l cried, for / was de-
termined to forestall any remarks.
I've been terribly busy, detained at
the office, and just got home"
ooh, Thaddeusw said Maria regret
fully. And you have been without
your dinner! l never should have left
you if"-
By this time Maria had seen the
kitchen.
MARIA" said l solemnly, for saw
her pause, you have been invited to
join a club for the subjugation Of hus-
bands. You needn't join. / am subju-
gated already. You women are always
talking of our sphere Encroach on
mans sphere if you will, but for heav-
ems sake don't ask me again to en-
croach on yoursw-New York Herald
Bed as the Best Cure of Dyspepsia.
Albu draws attention to the fire.
quency with which neurasthenia, ana-
mia and malnutrition are associated