The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1901-03-13

I have always hated, and that is cold
mutton! sUghv l said, cold mutton
again! Twice this week l have had it!
I mean to be a millionaire if only for one
thing. and that is to avoid mutton.
Now. madam, you will see that it was
no noble sentiment that encouraged me
to make my millions; it was simply cold
mutton
Husband going to his rich uncle's flu
neraD-'Put couple of large handker-
chiefs into my pocket, dear. The old
and l shall want to shed some apprOpri-
ate tears" Wife-"But suppose when
the will is read you find he hasn't left
you anything?' Husband-"In that case
you had better put in three. Tit Bits.
The February Temple Bar contains
some interesting "reminiscences of Steven
son by one who was a fellow-guest with
him in hotel at Davos. Stevenson.
says tne writer, Horace Vallings, entered
thoroughly into the life of the hotel, and
was at mis- best in argument with GER
tain professor. Once this professors talk
fell upon English women:
L don't care rap for them,' he eJacu--
lated. They are a poor, tame-splrlted
lot. not worth conquering. Your milk
and-water English woman falls i'll love
with you before you've had time to say
ten words to her" and SO on and so forth.
Now, German women" he continued,
after thus demolishing those of his own
country ARE very different"
What cried Stevenson, with a theat-
rical Quitting Of both hands. DO you
talk of German women? | tell you, this
neck is wet with the tears Of German
women!'
''Well, all 1 can say is the professor
granted sulkily, Il haven't found them
like that myself
Haven't you?" shouted Stevenson,
whose opponent was far from being a
beauty man. Then, by Jupiter Ammon,
it only shows how heavily handicapped
you are in the race!' And with that,
his lean body in both arms, literally
Rugged himself.
Dunderhed-"I say, Barton. who was
that funny-looking old lady 1 saw you
with at the concert last evening?' Bar
ton-"That funny old lady was nv
wife Dunderhed-"Oh, l don't mean
the one with the brown bonnet on; but
that absurd creature with the snub nose
and the crooked eyes" Barton-"Oh. you
mean my sister. Boston Transcript.
~
While eX-JuStice Bookstaver was on
the Supreme court bench he had as spe-
clal officer or attendant punctilious old
German, who always stood guard at the
door leading to the Justices private
chambers when the justice was within.
One day prominent lawyer and two
of his clients called and asked if the
justice would receive them
The officer threw open the door and
called out loudly to the justice:
"Shudge. Two shentlemans und a
lawyer wants to speak NIT YOU
The three gentlemen laughed.
"Eor What you laff, eh?'
Don't you count me a genteman?' ~
asked the lawyer.
''Ach you're a lawyer only; OATS diff
ferent. New York Mail and Express
Little Freddie-''Please. Mr.. Druggist,
papa wants a bottle of liniment. and
mamma wants bottle of china cement.
right away"
The Druggist-"All right. What's
wrong?"
Freddie Mamma hit papa with the
sugar bowl. Baltimore American.
He had been playing before the house
OF a very lrascible old gentleman. who fu-
iouoiy anu Win wiz geSCculatl0nS or
dered him to ''clear off,
The organ grinder, however, continued
to grind away till finally the old gentle
man had him arrested for disturbance.
At the police court the magistrate asked
him why he did not leave when requested
to do So
Me no .understa' mooch Ingleese,'
was the reply.
WELL" said the ma gistrate, 'sbut YOU
must have understood what he meant
when. he kept stamping his feet and way
ing his arms
No, me not know" replied the Italian;
me tlnk he come to dance to my music
-. The organ grinder was discharged
Tit-Bits.