davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
which of Your Eye. Cries.

1t seems n positively absurd question
to ask, (Which of your eyes cries?'
In an everyday, common or garden
cry 1t is well known that salt tears
make their appearance and rush away
down the face seemingly as fast from
one as from the other, whichever the
"other" may be, but If careful note is
made, more especially with emotional
people, 1t will be found that one of the
eyes has special emotional tendency.
and often opens the tear valve before
Its companion has decided upon the un-
happy event.
Probably the best method Of discov-
ering the emotional eye is to attend
pathetic stage play and when the weep
ing period comes along look out for
tear No. 1.
The writer attended such piece re-
Gently and was somewhat astonishcd
to find that all his grief came from the
right eye.
Whether the solution to the problem
is to be found in the fact that he was
leaning on his right arm must and can
only be decided by an expert. !,
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Sherif's Sale.

BY VIRTUE OF A ASPECIAL EN-
'CUlION, to me directed from tie
Clerk of the District Court of Harrison
County, Iowa, on Judgment obtained
IN said court on the 18th day of Sep
tember, 1901, in favor of Earnest D..
Hart; on his cross petition in case of
Allie L. Appley vs. James l.. Erwin, ct
al. as plaintiff, and against james L..
Erwin, as defendants, for the sum of
seventy-six and twenty-thr one-hun
dredth dollars ($76. 23) and costs taxed
at ten and thirty seven none-hnndredths
dollars (SlO37, upon which Judgment
there is now balance due of seventy
six and twenty three one hundredths
dollars (s76 23), and ten and thirty
seven one-hundredths dollars ($1O.37)
costs, l have levied upon the
following real estate, taken as the
property of the defendant 10 satisfy
said execution, to-wit: The northeast
quarter "a of the southeast quarter
.(A) of section No 80, township 20,
north, range 43, west, Harrison county,
Iowa.
And will offer the same for sale to
the highest bidder for cash in hand on
the 1st day of November, A. D., 1901,
ct the front poor of the Court House,
In Logan, Harrison County. Iowa, at
the hour of 10 O'Clock a. M, of said
day, when and where due attendance
will be given by the undersigned.
Dated at Logan, Iowa, this Both day
of September, 1901.
]. L. SHELTON,
Sheriff, Harrison County, Iowa.
2w BY JNo B. BELL, Deputy.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
A Terrible Tnlker

A we'll known Milwaukee lawyer
with weakness for long stories was
visitor at Madison "once upon
time" as the story books put 1t.
He saw upon the register Of the Park
hotel the name of Colonel Gabriel
Boucl Of Oshkosh and decided that he
was In duty bound to call upon that
Nestor of the Wisconsin bar, especially.
as they had both occupied the position
of grand master Of the grand lodge Of
Wisconsin Masons.
lie called on Mr.. Bouck IN his room
In the hotel and found the Oshkoshian
in his shirt sleeves, yawnlng. He be-
gan en- Masonry. First he gave his
views Of the brotherhood. from tho
building of Solomon's temple without
sound of tool or iron" down to date,
and then he started in on the chapter.
Finally, startled by an extra yawn, he
broke Off his story with:
"Wcll, Gabe, as have been appoint
cd trustee for the Asylum For the Deaf
and Dumb l think l had better so to
bed. have to take an early train for
Janesvillc."
"For lands sake! Is it possible that
you are going to learn to talk With
your hands too?" came the blunt reply
from the old lawyer-A1ilwaukee Senti-
mel,
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Winter Reading on the Farm.

Long evenings are here again
and naturally one thinks of good
family agricultural weekly, be-
cause it's regular visits are well
coined by the whole family.
The Twentieth Century Farm
or IS out of the rut in which most
agricultural papers travel. This
is true particularly Of the splendid
illustrations from photographs
taken by their own artists and
special articles b. the best known
and most practical mon in every
branch Of ofagriculture, such as N
] Harris, secretary of the Iowa
Seed Corn Breeders association;
81 W Campbell, the authority on
soil culture; James Atkinson of
the Iowa experiment station at
Ames, Iowa; Frank 9 Carpenter,
famous for his letters Of travel;
q r Thomas, secretary American
Hereford Breeders association /;
B o Oowan, assistant secretary
American Shorthorn Breeders as
sociation; DR. A T Peters, Nebras-
ka experiment station; r r Steph-
ems, president Nebraska Horticul-
tural society; Woman's depart
ment, conducted by Mrs Nellie
Hawks, Friend, Neb. j j Edger-
ton of the Iowa experiment sta
tion will answer all questions re-
lating to live stock matters.
This is a weekly agricultural
family paper, in which the farm
er's wife is particularly inte rested
on account of the pages devoted
to her particular interests. In
fact, there is no paper published
either in the east or west that
meets 80 we'll the wants of the
western farmers and stock raisers
and their families.
If you do not get it send 10
cents for ten weeks trial sub
scription to the Twentieth Gen.
tury Farmer, 2O64 Farnam street,
Omaha, Neb., and you will have
an opportunity to become acquain-
ted with it. A dollar will bring it
for a whole year. OIL
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
what Douglas, Case Yieldcc.

In the presidential campaign Of 1856
the Democrats in the west made an ef-
fcctive point by contrasting Mr.. Bucl-
anan's long public career as a senator,
secretary of state and minister to Eng
land with General Frcmont's limited
experience, consisting of service of 81
days in the United States senate.
In the great campaign of 1860 they
tried the same tactics, which had prov
cd so successful, to disparage Mr.. Lin
coin. lie had served but single term
IN congress, while Senator Douglas had
for many years enjoyed n national rep
utation.
This point was urged in heated dis
cussion overheard between an ardent
supporter of Senator Douglas and a
German voter who favored Mr. Lin
coin. The former finally thought to
ovcrwhelm his opponent by saying:
WHO is this Lincoln, anyhow? No.
body ever heard of him until Senator
Douglas brought him into notice by
holding joint debates With him. Sena-
tor Douglas. on the other hand, is Il
great statesman. Why, he has had his
eye on the presidential chair for the
last ten years."
"Vot is dot you say?' was the reply.
You say Meestcr Dooglas have had his
eye on the president chair for the last
ten years?"
"Yes; that is Just what said"
we'll. you shoost tell Mecster Doog-
To, No, l..
shoost lecdle vile longer he will see
old Abe Lincoln sitting down in it,"
That closed the debate amid roar OF
laughter from the observation-disclosures
colts Magazine.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
The Way the nov Put II.

Different sermons may be preached
from the same text, and there may be
more or less of truth In each of them.
''Herc is an account" said Mr.. Morse,
pointing to n paragraph in the evening
paper, "of the way In which boy
was saved from drowning by mastiff
which belonged to his cousin. The boy
yenturcd too near the edge of treach-
erous bank, lost his footing and fell
into the lake. The dog dashed in after
him and succeeded in pulling him out" !"
''rhere," said Mrs. Morse, turning an
accusing glance upon her 10-year-old
son, "that shows how dangerous it is
for a boy to go too near the water"
"Why, mother" said the boy In sor-
rowful astonlslment, 81 thought father
read it because it showed how perfect
ly safe I'd be wherever Went If you'd
only let him buy ME big dog!"
Mr.. Morse coughed and became dis
crcetly absorbed in the quotations of
mining stocks.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Where Americ.ns Are Modest.

The American is shy of proclaiming
to the world his deepest sentiments and
supcrstitions If he has any. lie pre-
fers to take himself either MS joke or
as q matter Of business. Hence when
he has town to name he calls 1t
"Smithyille" or "New Bristol" or, as
actually happened In the case of one
town, 20. X" Hc may believe in To-
cal ghost. he may love his wife. he may
admire the view from his windows and
pine when torn from the woods and
mountains among which he passed his
boyhood, but he does not want to put
those emotions into the postofiicc d.
rectory.-Washingt Times.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
sliding to Happineas.

Old Lady-And SO you expect to get
married when you grow up?
Little Girl-Of course. Everybody.
gets married. won't say mo" like
Aunt Lucy did and be an old maid. No,
indeed.
Perhaps you won't like those who
ask YOU"
ooh, yes, I will. I feel sure that
when real nice little boy-1 mean
man-comes to ask me to get married
I'll be so happy l won't wait to run
down stairs to meet him. Ill just slide
down the balusters." s.,s
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
BOTTOM LAND IS vALUI
ABLE.
Fifty Dollars Per Acre is the
Price of the Past.

4
Sioux City, Oct. 8.-Good Mis-
souri, river bottom land at $50 an
acre seems to be thing of the
past in Woodbury. county; at least
recent real estate deals in bottom
farms indicate that much. In the
past two weeks sales have been
made at extraordinary prices for
this section, several bottom farms
bringing $75 an acre.
Woodbury. county land hasn't
reached its top price by any
means," remarked j. 81. Ayers
yesterday. 4 know of some re-
cent deals in bottom lands that
are surprisers. Andrew Cowan
sold his 22O-acre farm S miles
north of Salix, I am informed, to
q man named Hill, of Illinois, for
S75 an acre, it is fairly we'll i'm
proved and has rich soil that
will never wssr out. Eugene Ladd
who lives nerr Sergeants Bluffs,
told me that he had refused $50
an acre for his holdings of about
300 acres; his farm, however, is
one of the finest in this section,
and it's improvements are worth
perhaps $4,000 or $3.50
II don't believe that there is a
q fair piece of land on the Mis-
souri, bottom near hear that can
be bought for $50 an acre. The
influx of Illinois buyers has forced
prices up wonderfully. They be-
lieve that with Sioux City a. a
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10

"You say you think your boy has too
great an appetite?" said the physician
to an anxious mother. "Do you realize
how much n growing boy can cat?"
81 should think ought to if any
body does" returned the boys parent.
"l'll just put the case to you. doctor.
where we We're, up in the noun
tains, the waitress would come in and
say to my boy, We have fried fish,
steak, liver and bacon, baked and fried
potatoes, rye biscuit, mullins and dry
toast
"And that boy Ned would say, I'n
take 1t all, please-and some eggs -
Exchange.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Immediately Suspicious.

"Why did you terminate your inter
view with that professional politician
so abruptly" asked the confidential
man.
"IIc made me suspicious at the out
set" said Senator Sorghum. 81 don't
care how much prevarication my as
sistants use toward other people. but
want them to be frank and honest with
me. The first thing that man did was
to tell me falsehood. lie said he was
working from disintcrestcd motives
and didn't want Observation-Disclosures
Star.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Evolution Of the Annie.

Apples are new in the economy of the
worlds use and taste. At the begin
ming Of the last century few varieties
were known, and we can go back in
history to time when all apples were
little. sour and puckery-crab apples
and nothing else. The crab apple was
and is In its wildncss nothing but a
rosebush. Away back in time the wild
rose, with its pretty blossoms that turn
to little red balls. apple favored. and
the thorny crab had the same grand
mother.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
The sknte Fish.

The ray. or skate fish. has mouth
set transversely across Its head. tho
jaws working with n rolling motion
like two hands set back to back. In
tho Jaws are three rows of fat teeth,
set like mosaic pavement. and be-
tween these rolling jaws the fish
crushes oysters and other mollusks like
20 many nuts.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Awful Amiction.

Junior Partner-I received O note
from our bookkeeper this morning say
ing that he wouldn't be able to come to
work for several days.
Senior Partner-What's the matter
with the man?
Junior Partner-Hls wife has been
cutting his hair.-Town Topics.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
st. John Itenns.
BY MAC.

Mrs Emily Parker, of Mo Vail
ey. was visiting relatives in st.
John on Saturday last.
Fred Hart entertained his young
friends at candy pull, on Satur-
day evening last.
A farmer from Stanton, Neb.,
boughta wagon load of apples in
this locality last week.
Mrs Eta Hosbrook was calling
on friends in this locality Satur-
day last.
Hogs running at large have been
pasturing in the Cemetery, and
the trustees have got after the
owners and will see that they take
care of them; although we have a
herd law, some people think they
have perfect right to pasture
them in the public highway or in
the cemeteries!
Mrs q w McGavren and Mrs
A kirkland visited Omaha on last
Monday.
Petty stealing is getting to be al
together too common in this local
ity. Orchards, corn6elds, and hem
houses seem to be most attractive.
j X McGavren had about so bush.
el apples stolen, and A L Haight
and g w McGavren have each
lost good many; we think q good
load ofshot put where it would do
the most good would probably do q
good work. Try it.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Hear.ay Evidence.

Judge Ito witness)-Lct me remind
you that your evidence in this court is
given upon oath, SO that you will only
be allowed to state what you know
from your own observation and not
what other people have told you. In
the first place. you are medical prac-
titioner?
Wltness-I cannot say that am, my
lord. l only know 1t from hearsay. I
have had no patients yet
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
why He Didn,t Go Ia cburch.

A Scottish minister who was indefat-
igable in looking up his folk one day
called upon parishioner. "Richard,"
he said. II hae ma seen ye ut the kirk
for some time and wad like to know
the reason"
"Weel. Sir" answered Richard, II
hae three decided objections to goin-
firstly, dinna believe In bein whaur
ye does a the talkin; secondly, dinna
believe in ST. muckle singln. an, thirdly
an in conclusion. twas there got my
wife."-Albany Argus.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Harris Grove Farmers Club.

Harris Grove Farmers club
met at the home of Mr. Brundige,
Oct., 5th, 1901, president in the
chair.
The minutes of previous meet
ing read and approved.
Mrs Mason favored US with
some music and song entitled,
"Don't count your chickens be-
fore they're hatched," q story with
q good practical lesson attached.
Selections were then read by
Mrs Fensler, entitled 'Not too
busy" II Fl McKenney, "Amuse-
ment for farmers;" N B Stern, on
''snrface cultivation Of corn, to
moderate the fleets of drought"
] s Vanderhoof, "what it aims to
do;" Father Fensler on $4,000
worth of apples on his Trees" and
Mr. Brundige son farm laborers
and their treatment"
Answering questions next in
order:
lst question, would it not be
better for each road district to
own their own tools, and not have
to spend 80 much time hunting
them when needed? Mr. Divil-
bess not being present, the club
went into the discussion of the
question. It certainly was per-
picking to find how those tools
we're cared for and who was re-
sponsible. There certainly needs
new departure and the response
bility placed where it will be APP
preciated and understood as q re-
sponsibility.
The cornfodder question was
taken up ard discussed by the
club and left over to next meet
ing, thinking that time might
afford some light, as the expert
ment was new to many of US.
Questions for next meeting:
1st. Which is the better way
to pick our winter apples. Early
and store them away carefully, or
let them remain on the trees as
long as possible. Discussion to
be opened by E G Young.
End question. How can we best
preserve our beets for winter use;
discussion opened by Mrs B A
Divilbess.
The cornfodder question left
over, makes our third question,
discussion opened by w A Selvy.
Committee on questions. E g
Youny, Mrs B A Divilbess and w
A ASelvy.
/ forgot to say that during the
dinner recess the club was favored
with some very fine music, which
ell adds to the interest Of the
meetings.
The business being finished we
adjourned to meet with Mr. and
Mrs r g Young on the last Sat-
urday in October.
M B STERN, e G. Young,
Secretary. President.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Useful Cement.

A useful cement for mending earthen
or stone jars, stopping leaks in the
seams Of tin pans or iron kettles or
Tightening loose joints of iron or wood
is made by mixing litharge and glyc.
erin to thick cream. This will resist
acids, heat and cold If the article is not
used until the cement has hardened.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Dimcult to Treat.

"Well, what is the matter with your
husband" the physician asked as lie
laid down his repair kit and removed
his gloves.
Imaginary insomnia" replied Mrs.
Fosdick.
Imaginary insomnia?" repeated the
physician inquiringly.
That's what 1t is. He thinks he
toesn't sleep at night. but he gets lots
more sleep than l do."-Detroit Free
Press.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
A PHILOSOPHERS.

Wife-There's burglar down cellar,
Henry.
Husband-well. my dear, we ought
to be thankful that we are up stairs.
Wife-But he'll come up here.
Husband-Then We'll go down cellar,
my dear. Surely a ten room house
ought to be big enough to hold three
people without crowding.-Detroit Free
Press,
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10

The fig is the favorite fruit among
animals, and horses. cows, hogs, sheep
and goats will eat this fruit us readily
MS man. The elephant considers it
dainty, while all the fowls greedily de-
your figs,
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Mlsplnced Ability.

The young collegian snapped his
watch lid down with sigh of relief.
"Preached Al minutes" lie announced
to his neighbor. Eve ought to get
man with wind like that on our track
team."-Exchange
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
The Case.

Gentlemen Of the jury" cried the
council for the defendant. "lf there ev.
er was case which in any case must
be carefully compared with other cases
this case Is that case"
(which case?" asked the puzzled
Judge.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
The Bill All Rirht.

"Aly dear sir, it strikes me that this
Is pretty round bill"
"Yes, have sent 1t around often
enough to make 1t appear SO, and now
I hope to get 1t squared."-Baltimore
Jewish Comment. 81
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10

In Its native habitat the shell of the
oyster is always II little open. aud
microscopic waving hairs set up cur
rents which carry the food plants to its
mouth. where they are engulfed and
afterwArd dlgested.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Domestic Economx.

Madam-Poor Fido, he was such
nice dog! am so sorry he died.
Brldget-So am |. nom. Many's the
plate he saved me washlng.-Baltimore
World.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10

Four directors of the Union Pa
ciic voted l,325,243 shares of the
stock of that road at Salt Lake
yesterday, 1t looks like the
Union Pacific, Southern Pacific,
Illinois Central, G B & O., G & N
w, and the Northern Pacific was
all one road now. The Standard
Oil interests were given greater
voice in the road than last year.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Neglect.

The Democratic party Of the fol-
lowing counties in Iowa failed to
return the names of the candid.
ates nominated for representative,
and the time has now expired for
filing, and therefore the names of
such candidates will not appear on
the official ticket; but by consult
ing the vote of last year, the neg
lect will not appear so greyious:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10

The heaviest man in America,
Il not in the world, is Lee Trick
ey, OF Glenwood, Wis.,, who tips
the beam at 500 pounds.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Information Desired.

The rural postotficc is the bureau Of
general information no less so in Geor-
gia than in Vermont, and the Atlanta
reports conversation pre-
cipitated by an old darky who ap-
proached the village postmaster and
said: sas;.:s - ,i
"Any letters fer me2" IA
"No." -, I.
"No." '-.-s ~. ~
rs my paper Gomez" xa
"Got any almanacsw =
"No."
"Well. does you know anybody what
wants to buy live alligator?" y !.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
Home Seekers Excursions to
the Northwest, West and
Southwest.

Via the North. w Western line. Home
seekers excursion tickets at greatly
reduced rates will be sold on the first
and third Tuesdays of each month
through the year of 1901 to the terri.
tory indicated above. STANDARD and
tourists sleeping cars, free reclining
chair cars, and The Best of Every
thing"
For full particulars apply to agents
Chicago y Northwestern Ry.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10

Athletes are short lived, and giants
seldom live out the allotted time of
threescore years and ten. They ex.
pend too much vitality.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10

re- by market for cattle and pro-
d, Q, that Woodbury. county bot
tem land can't be beat, and they
ar 1ery willing to pay anywhere
from $50 per acre upwards. They
believe that 1t is bargain at this
price. Hill land is also going up
accordingly, and pieces that sold
last year for $25 or $50 an acre
can't be touched now for less than
$40 or $50.
The recent heavy rains, Mr..
Ayers says, have benefited pas
lures wonderfully. Glover and
tame grass fields are in fine con-
dition and furnish excellent pas
ture for cattle. There is now no
danger of winter killing, which
was feared some time ago.
Corn is proving good yield,
but rather poor in quality. The
ears are not fully dried and hard
ened because of the late rains.
Much of the corn husked is soft
and many ears contain immature
kernels.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10
If You Are Going to Califor.

Apply to agents Chicago s. Northwest
ern Ry about the through tourist sleep
ing car service to Los Angeles and
San Francisco. Round trip tourist
tickets on sale daily.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-10-10

A white object can be seen at a
distance of 1880 times its own
diameter in strong sunlight-that
is to say white disc foot across
can be seen 1880 feet away.