davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
THE TIME TO LAUGH.
SOME GOOD JOKES, ORIGINAL AND
SELECTED.
A Soldier Who Painted --Sympathy for
the Horse--Hardly Accurate Expert
rnent Was q Success Brother Williams
on Trouble.
a soLDIER WHO PAINTED J.,

I'll The other day Richard Harding
Davis was asked by vivacious hostess
to tell some story about the Spanish
American war that was funny and not
gloomy, "for," said she, there must
have been amusing incidents also"
4 Well" said the young author re-
fiectively, "of course no great tragedy
is complete without its element OF
comedy. T remember particularly one
little incident In the crudely fixed up
hospital tent in Siboney, which, de-
spite its pathos, was so droll as to
bring a smile to even the faces of the
boys on the stretchers. There was one
young fellow who had been laid up
with a bad case Of fever. He was a
big, raw-boned, overgrown fellow,
came from 'Cincy,' he said, and as he
tossed about from side to side he kept
telling me that he was restless as a
wildcat, tired Of being chained to a
blank cot, sick Of being coddled like a
baby, the smell Of disinfectants made
iller; hewas aching not from fever
but from q longing to get out into the
~. Z. Il. : r ~ 4
air with the boys and be in the fight.
. Cant you get the doctor to let me
out, MT. Davis? he begged pathetically,1
III do what / can, I said, and as
the doctor happened to be passing I
called him over and put the matter be-
fore him. III, III
i Nonsense he exclaimed. Just
q II hi 4. Gsk
Look at that face, will you-red and
blotched with fever. He's in no con-
sdition to get out
The boy had gradually raised him
SET eagerly on to his elbow, but as the
doctor finished speaking his head fell
back hopelessly.
4 Fever! Redn he cried querulous-
"; ! paint, doctor! It's just paint, i
tell you New York Times.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
What Il "Nothing ~.

An old Scotch farmer, being elected
member of the local school board. visit
ed the school and tested the Intelligence
Of the class by his questions. The first
inquiry was:
Moo, boys, can ony we ell me Wnat
naething is?"
After a moments silence. small BOY
in the back seat arose and replied
stIt's what We gle me tother day Tor
haudin' yer horse!' '--London Answers.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
aTo Maxe CIntI,es Lnst.

Never in home dressn1aking cut any
bind OF wooden goods until they have
been sponged, as cheap material is
often rot dampened before it is sold.
To do this properly at home get an
ironing board or table the width of the
goods and cover with tightly-stretched
calico. Spread your cloth. wrong side
UP. cover with a linen cloth tfat has
/, been well wrung out in water, and
Efhen press it with hot iron length !
Rwise OF the goods Never let the iron
be still. and the goods must fall evenly
ION the floor on to a clean cloth as
pressed.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
Truth Crushed to Earth.

What shall I say to these newspaper
men?', asked the private secretary OF
!, the great manufacturer.
What do they want?"
''Our men have been striking all day,
and the reporters are after informa-..
tion.'' s al
TEL them said the great manu-
facturer. that we are running like
clock work, with striking regularity. X.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
Are You Using Ar1en,s Foot-Ease.

IT is the only cure for Swollen,
Smarting, Burning. Sweating Feet.
Corns and bunions Ask for Aliens
Foot Ease, powder to be shaken into
the shoes. AT all Druggists and Shoe
stores. Csc. Sample sent FREE. Ad-
dress Allen S. olmsted. LIE Roy, N. Z.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
Disease ana Remedy.

"That must be pretty bad toothache
to swell your face like that. Why don't
you see dentist?''
II did call on my friend, DR.. Pullem,
yesterday, and experienced great re-
lief
.sYou must be mistaken. Pullem has
been out Of town for a week
II know. / felt relieved when 1 FOUND
that out."--Philadelphia Press
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
Az Proxy

4 can't see why a man of his size.
wants to be crowding women away
from the bargain counter for!" snapped
one Of the crowded.
Madam" plaintively spoke the large
man, turning his head to address her,
Il am here as the representative of a
family Of eleven daughters - chicago
Times.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
No Experience.

Diggs-Do you believe there is any
truth iii the saying that 1t takes a gen
ius TO 1--we with genius?
Biggs-No, don't. 1 never consld-
ersd my wife genius. Chicago News.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
An Unmovable Road.

Pedestrian-Will this road take me
out into the country, little boy?
Little Bcy--I don't think 1t Will; but
tf y wait, mebby waggunil come
along.-Ohio. State Journal,
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
PATENTS.
List OF Patents Issued Last Week to 4
Northwestern Inventors.

Northwestern Inventors.
Richardson Dickenson,, Sioux Fans,
s. b., index cabinet; Nils HindbJorgen,
Hendricks, Mimi. mower; Olaf HQU,
Minneapolis, Mimi, fire proof grain bin
and floor; John Jansen, Woonsocket.
S. D., gearing for we'll drilling appara-
tus; Charles H. McDermott Duluth,
Mimi, railway track; Anton Metzel,
Wheatland, Mimi, sulky cultivator;
Winslow Northway, Minneapolis,
Mimi, gyrator.
Lothrop & johnson, patent attorneys OH &
ei2 Pioneer Press Bldg, ST. Paul, MINI.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
Mot His wife.

Closefist--Does your wife eternally
poster you for money?
Graspt--No; the people she buys
things from do that.-Ohio State Jour
nal.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
Getting INTO Condition.

vice President Roosevelt devotes
part of his strenuous energy to chop
ping down trees.
There's nothing like chops for train
ing diet.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
change of Base.

"Wen, your boy graduated in Greek?
"oh, yes
"An' what's he a-doin' Of now?
..Splittin' rails in dialect.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
In the PhiIaderphia style.

THE sultan Of Jolo has given a nifty
year absolute concession Of the island
Of Paragua to one of the native
princes
Well, say, the sultan OF Jolo must
think he's the Mayor Ashbridge of the
Philippines."- Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
.A Wamnn,s Train.

Miss Subburb-Did you come out on
the train?
Funnybiz- way-until she put
me off.-Ohio State Journal.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12

Indianapolis, Indiana,
3349 N. Pennsylvania Street.
Peruna Medicine Co, Columbus, o.:
GenfIemen-sI have been using PEE
runa for CafarrE1 and can CheerfuLy rec
ommend your remedy to anyone who
wants q good medicine. ''A. Grant.
Prominent members Of the clergy are
giving Peruna their unqualified en-
dorsement. These men find Peruna es-
pecially adapted to preserve them from
catarrh of the vocal organs which has
always been the bane Of public speak
ers, and general catarrhal debility in
cident to the sedentary life Of the
clergyman. Among the recent utter
ances Of noted clergymen on the cura-
tive virtues OF Peruna is the above one
from Bishop Grant.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12

,tyment is a great lover OF

Miss sentyment is a great lover OF
cats
Yes; now isn't it odd that she draws
the line on terpillars? '-0hio State
Journal.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
HIS Ltttre scheme.

Teddy" he said, as he doffed his
chapeau, II haven't had a bite to eat
Since yestiddy mornin'."
She gave him quarter, and, as he
headed for the nearest saloon, he add
ed:
IAN i don't want none,'-Denver
Times.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12

Mrs. Tinslow's Soothing Syrup.
FOR chit ren teething softens the gums, reduces m
ANIMATION, aays pain cures wind colo. &c pottie.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12

on. 'has to work SO nard. He is a
driver for a grocery. and he has tc
drive from Z in the morning until Z at
night" 4.
The expression on the visitors face
showed plainly she thought such treat.
ment outrageous. 5 IS i.
Tell me where your boy Is en-
ployed, Z she said, land will do what
| can to stop such dreadful thing. II
is intolerable cruelty to drive any
horse that long at stretch. I'll see
the grocer tomorrow"
1t seemed to the old woman that
there was something wrong about the
visitors expression of regret over her
son, but it sounded friendly, at all
events, and she did not analyze 1t too
deeply.-New York Sun.
BROTHER WILLIAMS ON TROUBLE.
4 Eff dis Worl' is a worp er trouble, /
notice dat mighty few people is willin'
ter sell out.
De end err de righteous is peace, but
he amt in a hurry ter fin peace Of he
got ter leave dis worl' without fust
sendin' fer de doctor.
De rich man got ter 60 ter heaven
thoo' de eye er a needle, but de po'
man hez ter git in wharever he kin
fin a crack In de fence.
II hearn tell" said the colored dea-
con, .'dat las night Br'er Johnson lef'
dis worl' fer de mex one, but sence he
didn't sen fer me ter wait on him TO
he lef' I can't say fer sartfn des whar
en- how he landed. Atlanta Constitu'
ton. ,s
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12
SOMETIMES.

tits not always a misfortune to be
poor
mo, lady; sometimes the poor gets
rich suddenly. - Chicago American.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-09-12

Journal.
The Iola register., 1901-10-18

that the trees cannot usually be Sc
cured safely at an early enough date
to put out and advocate fall purchase,
but spring planting them out While
the other side claims that as the
spring time is when nature, after her
long sleep, puts forth her endeavors
to form leaf, plant and bud and by
thelquick transplanting to the new soil
and future home the processes are
disturbed butt once and the shock
less dangerous, the growth more GER
tain and the dangers incident to trans
planting are lessened.
Crates or shelves. for the storing of
fruit in winter was then discussed.
Crates won out for they facilitate the
easy handling of any part of the crop
at any time desired and can be stored
much more conveniently.
Fall Treatment of House Plants by
Mrs. Lora Fife was treated by the
lady in a paper that brought ready
request for the publication of the
paperstand is herewith enclosed.
Next meeting at G. A. II. Hall,
November 8. Qustions for discussion
at next meeting; 1st, Mr.. Townsend:
2nd, Trees for Commercial Orchard,
Mr.. Smeltzer; Bird, Picking and Caring
for Fall Fruit, MIR. Lawyer.
Bya vote the hour of meeting is to
be at II a. m. and dinner at - sharp
in order that the business session may
be opened promptly and members from
a distance may not be detained.
j. w. j., Reporter, Protein.
The Iola register., 1901-10-18
Chas b. Spencer & Co

"What is its cost as it should be
applied here?"
"This question can not he answered
without knowledge of your problem
in all its details based on data Sc
cured by surveys. 1t is question for
the engineer who designs the plant
In general way | can say that
think the scheme not only the best but
the cheapest method you can adopt
for your sewage treatment. The tan k
and beds are comparatively small, do
not require much land, very little at
tention for maintenance and may be
arranged to work automatically.
Whereas anymethod involving chemi-
cal precipitation means an imperfect
effluent and constant and costly at
tendance and any irrigation scheme
large area of land: and | am inclined
to think that the latter method would
be interfered with by high water in
the river through its backing up
through your porous bed of gravel
"Would the septic tank and beds
themselves create any nuisance?"
"No, | think not. They could be
placed close in, if suitable location
is found. But that is a matter for
your engineers.
Have you looked over the prelim-
mary reports of the engineers?"
Eyes, and in a general way they
meet with my approval, except that |
would if possible bring the entire
sewage of the city to one point for
treatment and avoid any discharge of
sewage into Elm Creek; raw sewage
should not go into either creek or
river and even the eflluent of thetreat-
ment plant should be discharged some
distance down Elm Creek or into the
river well below town.
The Iola register., 1901-10-18
To Build to Cement Plant.

1t is the intention of the Ft. Scott,
lola & Western to build a spur from
their main line over to the cement
plant to get a part of the immense
business ofthat works. In one month
the cement plant divided 400 cars of
outgoing freight between the Santa Fe
and the Missouri Pacific and 80 a por-
tion of its business promises to be
quite an item.
Last Monday the commissioner sap
pointed to view the road met by agree
ment near Lincoln Park east of this
city to view and condemn a right-of-
way for this switch to the cement
plant. The survey leaves the main
line close this side of Rock Creek and
practically parallels the Missouri Pa
cific switch to the same works. The
commissioners talked the matter over
and finally decided to postpone any
action until the cases now pending in
court are settled. And besides the
members wanted to see the Bloomer
Girls. An adjournment was taken to
the 2Sth of this month.
The Iola register., 1901-10-18
Street Case is Hung Un.

The case of the City of lola against
N. F. Acers to determine the owner
ship OF the strip of land running south
from the w. H. Richards place along
the east side of Rhoads addition was
decided by the district court in favor
of the defendant. The city then ap-
pealed to the supreme court and City
Attorney Travis Morse went to To-
peka recently to ask that the case be
advanced on the docket because the
opening of the street is very impor-
tant to lola. His request was refused
and the present indication is that the
case will not come up for eighteen
months. In the meantime one of the
four avenues in lola, principal
street, is closed at one end. Lovely
doings, these.
The Iola register., 1901-10-18
OF Interest TO Women.

Women who have themselves suffer-
ed from the evil effects of constiL alton
and indigestion will be interested in
the following letter from father
whose daughter was given up to die
by two physicians;
"My daughter has suffered from in
digestion for the past five years and
has tried nearly everything that she
could hear of for such trouble. She
was confined to her bed when she be-
gan taking DR.. Caldwell's Syrup Pep
sin and after taking one fifty-cent
bottle she is able to walk q
mile at time and during the day yes
rday walked 81 miles. | feel like
praising DR.. Caldwell's Syrup Pepsin
because two doctors told me my daugh-
ter could never get we'll and l feel
that she is on fair road to perma.
nent relief.-Respectfully,
j. II. M. CRoCKER.
Nixon, Tenn, August 8, 1900.
DR.. Caldwell's Syrup Pepsinis sold
in tlfty-cent and 100 bottle 8, under
a positive guarantee, by Kinne & SO n
Moran, and c. b. Spencer, lola.
The Iola register., 1901-10-18
Talk of a Six Block Works.

The Standard Acid Company is
pushing its buildings right along and
hopes to be inside and ready for busi-
ness by the last of the year. All the
plant has to be completed at once and
the furnaces are now being worked on.
Three blocks are beinglcompleted now
and there is strong talk about the
plant that this number will be in
creased to six. This would make the
plant the largest individual smelter in
the county. The gentlemen behind it
have the money if they decide to ex-
tend, and such an increase would be
nearly as good as the building of an
independent factory.
The Iola register., 1901-10-18
Horticultural Meeting.

The regular October meeting was
held at the home of our city florist,
Mr.. Harmon on Friday, the llth, with
President Klaumann presiding. A
rain during the night and early morn
ing frightened some of our citizens but
not so of the faraway Fergus, Jones
and 7. N. Funston and the attendance
reached near forty. The display was
far the largest for many meetings,
consisting of grapes, fifteen varieties:
apples, ten; peaches, four, besides
flowers, pears, ounces, tomatoes and
kaffir corn.
The'new plan of judging and award
ing premiums at the end of the year
may in part be accredited with the
new impetus that seems to have ami
mated the members to vie with each
other in their contributions to the
monthly exhibits, This plan was
suggested by State Secretary Barnes
society's needs, at our September
meeting but was explained and dis
cussed that all present might better
understand it and was unanimously
approved by the assembled audience.
Messrs. Lawyer, Smeltzer and Craw-
ford were appointed as Judging com
mittee and awarded credit marks.
Grapes: lst premium, j. b. Fergus,
Carman, 3 marks; 2nd premium, j b.
Fergus, Aganam, 2 marks: 3rd prem
ium, j. b. Fergus, Eaton, / mark.
Apples lst premium, j. b. Fergus,
Blk Ben Davis, marks; 2nd prem
ium, j. B. Fergus, Haas apple, 2
marks: Bird premium, Townsend, Nam
moth Blk Twg. Peaches: lst premium,
Smeltzer, on Davis peach, three
marks; End premium, Fergus, on Cling
peach, two marks. Ounces: A. H.
Brown, on Orange ounce, 3 marks.
Tomatoes, Harmon, Truckers Favor.
lite, 3 marks; Bouquet: lst premium,
Harmon, Carnations, ETC., 3 marks
2nd premium. Leonie Pancoast, Y
marks. Kafiir corn, T. N. Funston,
| Blk Cap.
The society adopted the rules of the
American Pathological Society for
Judging. This may strike some friend
as putting on too much down eastern
style, but it will beat the plan of a
Judge at our county fair who decided
| in fa Of tho mir ubn ha1 n Nyb n
spot on his side "iust like his own pig
had" and will be guide to the com
mittee and an educator to the student
The Cook Book question was up for
discussion and all manner of cooking
receipts are to be received by the
society and at the end of the year a
revision committee will examinine the
collection and the display of Tried
and Tested" formulas for the com
pounding OF the goodies will astonish
some who have not been regularly
testing the picnic dinners of our
meetings.
So be on the lookout for the Allen
County Horticultural Cook Book of
1901 this winter. A paperby Mr.. Pan
coast on spring or fall planting OF
trees brought out the advocates Of
both sides, who tenadiousDg held TO
their o5ad and the woe good reasons
forfvigorously.
e gas pipes are bel recommended
tidly as possible, No OF the topofth
brk last week need be members favor
emand for laborers eAnd spindling
lpply. cuttings.
Joe Lacey's new housel planting was
The Iola register., 1901-10-18
HOW's This?

We offer One Hundred Dollars Re-
ward for any case of Catarrh that can
not be cured by Halls Catarrh Cure.
F. j. Cheney & Co., Props, Toledo, 0.
We, the undersigned, have known
F. j. Cheney for the last Is years, and
believe him perfectly honorable in all
business transactions, and financially
able TO carry out any obligation
made by their firm.
West q Truax, Wholesale Druggists,
Toledo, o. Walding, Kinuan & Marv-
in, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O.
HalIsCatari hCure taken internally,
acting directly upon tho blood and
mucous surface OF the sJstem. Price,
Toe per bottle. Sold by all druggists,
Testimonials free.
Hills Family Pills are the best.
The Iola register., 1901-10-18
The Mckinley Postal Card.

a portrait of the late President Me-
Kinley will be placed on the new issue
of postal cards. The new cards will
be issued in December. The design
will include the year of birth and year
of death Immediately at the left and
right, espectively, of the name, "Mc.
Kinley," which will be directly under
the head. Above the head will be the
words, "Series of 1901, " and above
that lone cent" The inscription,
UNITED States of America, " now ap-
pearing on the postal cards, will be
abandoned and replaced at a point
lower down so as to leave the space at
thesupper part of the card, about one
third of the width of the card, clear
for postmarks.
The Iola register., 1901-10-18
The Simmons } Family Found.

The REGISTER has felt somewhat
guilty over an item published some
days ago. The reporter took a wife
and baby from the husband and father,
removed them to some unknown place
and has left them there ever since. 1t
was the family of w. T. Simmons. He
left them at his home on north State
street Thursday, September 26, and
has not known where they were nor
why or how they left. He returned at
night from his work and his house was
empty, his family gone.
In spite of daily inquiries the REG
lister reporter never learned any
thing further until Friday. Mr..
Simmons did find his family. They
were at the home of one of the Patter-
sons on north State near the city
limits. He called but was ordered off
the premises. He repeats that he has
been a model husband, has worked
helped with the house work and thinks
lot of his wife and their young baby.
He expects that a suit for divorce will
be brought and is anxious to see the
papers so he may know wherein he has
failed.
1t is most unusual case and the
mystery thereof has not been coniided
to the reporter.
The Iola register., 1901-10-18
GREAT NEWSPAPER BARGAIN
The Semi Weekly Capital and the
lola WEEKLY REGISTER One
Year for 81. 90.


lola WEEKLY REGISTER One
Year for 800.
The Semi-Weekly Capital, published
at Topeka, is one of the best farm
newspapers published anywhere.
Realizing that good market report
is one of the most valuable features
of farm newspaper, the Capital
prints twice a week full report of all
the markets of the world, including
Topeka, and the report is absolutely
reliable.
1t prints all the news of the civilized
world fresh from the wires OF the
Associated Press, covering the field
more thoroughly than any of the met
ropolitan weeklies. But in the matter
of Kansas news, it has no competitor,
our large corps of special correspond
ents enabling us to cover the field
thoroughly, Outside of your own
home paper, you can get more local
news from the Capital than from any
other paper published.
Editorially it labors INCREASINGLY for
the States moral and material well
fare. While strongly republican in
politics its editorials are fair and un.
prejudiced, and its news columns are
open alike 70 the doings of al politi-
cal parties.
The Iola register., 1901-10-18
$500 REWARD.

We will pay the above reward for any case of
Liver Complaint, Dyspepsia, Sick Headache,
Indigestion, Constipation or Costiveness we
cannot cure with Liverita, the Up-To Date
Little LIVER Pill when the directions are strict
ly complied with. They are purely Vegetable,
and never fail to give satisfaction. 25c boxes
contain 100 Pills, 10c boxes contain 40 pills, 30
boxes contain is pills. Beware of substitutions
and limitations. Sent by mail Stamps taken,
NBRVlTA MEDICAL Co, Cor Clinton and
Jackson Sts., Chicago, Ill Sold by
Cbos u cnoroo, &, 10
The Iola register., 1901-10-18
They Will Meet in lola.

The REGISTER has "a letter from
Professor f. Miller, president of the
Kansas Academy of Science, stating
that the invitation extended by lola
has been accepted and that the Acad-
emy will hold its next annual meeting
in this city sometime between Christ
mas and New Year. This means that
some fifty or seventy-fve of the lead
ing scientists and scholars of the State
will come to lola and it is up to lola
to extend the courtesies usually Of
fered on such occasions furnish enter
tainment for the visitors. The meet
ing here can not but be of interest to
the members as some of the most in
teresting manufacturing processes in
the country are to be seen here, and
lola will certainly derive benefit by
reason of the good words from so
high sources about her resources and
possibilities. Committees will be ap.
pointed and definite arrangements
made later.