davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21
Diary of a PeSsimist.
The following are from a newly-found
dictionary for pessimists.

The following are from a newly-found
dictionary for pessimists:
Angel-Onc's future wife.
R;ng-When made Of iron, it is used
to chain prisoners; when made of gold,
it gives. under the name OF wedlock,
liberty to young persons.
Iear-A period Of twelve months in
the case OF man and six months in
the case of woman.
Apa blythe strength Of the weaker
sex.
Apprenticeship-All ones life.
Balloon--1he trolley car of the flu
ture.
Barbary--The home OF the barrel or
gan and Of slang.
Shepherdess-A term applied to those
rustic maldens whom the kings of for
mer days we're so fond of marrying.
Boa-A hairy serpent, which women
try to revive by wearing it round their
| necks.
Nurse-Polite synonym for a hired
domestic scourge.
Chance-Woman' favorite accom-
plice.
Marriage-A holocaust transformed
into a sacrament.
History (French)-Pharamond was
the first King of France. Some histo-
ranS insist that he never existed, but
all claim that his son Clodion succeed
| cd him.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21
Property Values Increased.

Tn cur travels through many OF 'he
medium sized cities of the diIereh'
States, says Henry l. Budd, CommlS'
sioner of Public Roads Of New jersey
in his seventh annual report, recently
issued, we nave found real estate men
testifying that receipts from rents o,
resident property neal the centres Oh
these cities had declined from one,
third to one-half, while property miles
out in the suburban districts was I'D
demand and increasing IN value. Iney
have invariably attributed these lie
suits to the good roads ano troiieys'
These are evidently scattering popuia'
lions. and will, no doubt, in the future
relieve the congestion of our large
cities.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21
A TrIhe Rural.

The bakers dozen OF Washingtonians
who spent the holidays at a country
house down in Virginia are still laugh
ing at the little adventure OF one Of
their number, fashionable young mar
ried woman who has ways her grand
mother would turn in her grave If she
knew about She never touches tea OF
coffee, but now and then she takes a
cigarette after dinner, and, as every
body knows, smoking is horrid thing
while one may drink gallons of the
strongest coffee and still be an example
for the young. The lady drove to the
infnitesimal village near one day, and
with several friends went into the drug
store and asked for package OF cigar
cites.
The man behind the counter handed
out brand, dark and heavy, and
strong as stogieS.
oh, l don't want those" said the
lady, Il want something exceedingly
mild-something for ladies"
The man behind the counter looked
very much grieved.
1--WE haven't any like that" he said
regretfully. I'VE don't keep them
You see, all the ladies around here that
smokes smokes pipes"
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21
Exiremn Case.

"Y0. ng Mr.. Dingle tells me that d ns
is extremely fond OF the poetry VI 81,
Walter Scott" remarked Wlntergl ec'
to Tenterhook> b.,
eyes, l know; but he carries rs
fondness too lar" replied the latter
In what way?"
We'll, he's a chicken fancier' as per-
haps you know.
"Well?"
And he has named his best egg pro-
Queer The Last Minstrel.
Queer name for hen. ~.
Il should artculate But that's DIN
gle exactly. Gave his hen that name
SO that he could have the lay OF me
Last Minstrel every morning Tor break
fnc+U
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21
Natural Disadvantage.

Taking into consideration the things
Sham has had to contend aganS', /
think his success as lawyer has been
remarkable"
why, what did he ever have to con
tend against?'
Everything. He came OF wealthy
family. He didn't have to work his
way through college. He never studied
by the light OF pine torch, never had
to drive a dray, never walked SIX miles
to school, and wasn't compelled to Dor
row his books. He had every possible
facility, and yet he has done we'll from
the very start"
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21
Kansas philosophy.

There is usually something the mat
ter with man who carries a woman 5
watch. ,
Some women would rather lister, to
story about a spell of sickness than
read a novel
1t is always easier for busy man TO
find etxra time for work than 1t is lot
a loafer ar
Be bold enough to say, Il don't
know" And if you can screw your
courage up to it, add, And l don't
care"
1t is an indication that woman re-
CARDS you as very dear friend when
She stops getting out her cut glass Tor
VOL
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21
,,,,o.,,on tnatproves It's ya'u~

AS an offset to some of the talk occa-
sionally heard in all communlt Is aio -
the line OF President SchwabS remarks
when the executive head of the United
States Steel Corporation exGrcsse MS
opinion that boys had better, change
Of business success in life if they did
not go to college, too much prominence IN
IAN hardly be given to the fact that
every member Of the graduating class
Of the Case School Of Applied Science
has good position offered him, while
there are moro places offered than there
are seniors to fill them.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21
The Cabin.

Clutching her child to her bosom,
Eliza looked out despairingly upon the
rushing waters.
What am | to do?' she moaned,
wringing her hands. The sheriff has
attached Our last cake OF ice"
Was there no escape?
Were she and her innocent offspring
TO feed the ten-count 'em-ten fierce
bloodhounds yonder?
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21
Tho Modern Father, M's'aIsc.

"Well, my son, I've done the best |
could to give you frst-class educa-
tion. and now you can go out into the
world feeling that you are fully equip
ped for the battle OF existence.
Father, ought to feel grateful to
you, but | cannot l have just learned
that by sending lie to college you have
robbed ME OF four years OF my lie
four years which | might have proht-
ABLY spent in learning the only thing
worth knowing, how to chase and cap
ture the elusive dollar
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21
A Friend fin Trouble.

Here is a unique letter from. Bill
Vile citizen to one OF his best friends:
Dear Bill-It is. rumored here that
I've got two wives: Now, Bill, your re;
a single man, and | have always stood
vour friend in time OF trouble. Can
Won take one of EN- off my hands be
lore the law gifts holt OF me? She's a
good housekeeper, and if you'll jest say
the word I'll pay for the license. Don't
iorsakc me, Bill. I'm your old friend,
md I'm in trouble. Are you wlllln
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21
Eirst Weddinr This Century.

The first wedding celebrated IN the
twentieth century is said to have
taken place in Okayama, Japan. Two
American missionaries were being
married on December 81, when mid
night g,ruck, and the ceremony was
concluded during the first minute OF
1901, 49,
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

II is the only cure for Swollen. Snarting,
Tired; Aching, Hot, Sweating Feet, Corns
and Dunions. AK for Aims Foot-Eaee. G.
powder to be shaken into the shoes. Cures
while you walk. At ali DrrsGi.,s and Shoe
Stores, 25c. SAMPLE sent FhEE. Address,
Alien S. Olmsted, Leroy, n. Y.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

Poverty may be 10 disgrace, but It's
mighty uncomfortable.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

PuTEAM's FADELEss DYE produces the fa''t-
est and brightest colors Of any known dye
stuff Sold BY all druggists.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

Mrs. WinsowS Soothing Syrup for children
teethjng, soften the gums, reduces inlamma
ton allays pain, cures wind collie. 25c bottle.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

There are 1000 tons of stone in the py-
ramids of Cheops 1t could be built for
$40, Csc, GOO to-day.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

FITS permanently cured. 70 Ats or nervous
ress affef first days use of Dr. Klins's Great
Nerve Restorer. 81 trial bottle and treatise fros
Or. Il. III. KLINE, Ltd, 931 Arch ST., Pnila., PA.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21
Are You Using Aliens Foot-Ease ,

Some men arc too lazy to even stand in
their own light.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

Dunyegan, the famous seat of the Mac,
leods, is said to be the Oldest inhabited
private house in Scotland.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

Pisos Cure for Consumption is an infallibic
medicine for coughs and colds. NV. SAMUEL,
Ocean Grove, n. j., Feb IT, 1900.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

E.:K. Co)urn. Mgr. Clalio Scott, writes
81 find Falls Ca.arrh Cure Il valuable re
medy.,' Druggists sell j., 7Jc.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

Massachusetts, uscs more postage stamps
per capita of population than any other
State in the Union.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

Bananas with purple leaves and seedess
fruit have been introduced into British
Conservatives.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

In baseball as in cookery the best batter
takes the Gaze.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

Even the bee in bonnet may have
sting in Its tail.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

Oxford University has voted to do away
with the Sunday afternoon sermons.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21

For UiliOUsuesy,
Torpid Liver. Indigestion Sick Headache,
Crab Orchard Water is a specific.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1901-06-21
God Roads R66ts0
YY33S.Yss
Maintenance.

AINTENANCE is important
with any road. as no style
of construction is sufficient
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01

The great strike will possibly
be settled to the satisfaction of
all concerned during the week,
and the employer and employed
may come to an understanding
that will in the future do away
with all differences. 1t is to be
hoped that such may be the case,
as strikes are extremely expen-
sive to all parties concerned. The
most commendable feature Of the
strike is that the men went out
peacefully and no violence Of any
character has been perpetrated,
which goes to show to the world
that the workingmen Of America
are not roWdies oranarchists but
men Of intelligence, brains and
skill.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01

a. DeLacy Wood, the founder
of twenty eight newspapers, and
who was recently spirited away
to the insane asylum at Fergus
Falls, was released last week.
He was detained there over a
month, the whole time being as
sane as any man in Minnesota
and possessed Of more intelligent
gray matter than q majority Of
the men Of the state. The dire
full job was put up on him by a
few old time enemies who should
be given light doses Of the same
sort Of revenge, which might inn
prove their minds.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01
prove their minds.

The report is afoat that the
notorious Bender family, who
murdered a large 5numb Der Of per-
sons i'll Kansas more than twenty
years ago, have been. located in
Colorado. The next we know
some wise duck will dig up Little
Charley Ross and have him mar
ried and the daddy Of q large
family. Ia all probability the
Bender family was followed, cap
tured and slain many years ago.
and Charley Ross was undoubt-
eddy murderedby his kidnappers.
Why not let the dead rest in.
peace?
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01

Down in Missouri almost every
body prayed for rain week before
last, but still no rain cameth.
Some Of the preachers were Of
the opinion that there was little
use to pray 50 long as the gov
ernor permitted saloons to be
kept open on the Sabbath. We
don't know what effect prayer
may have in the land Of the
Jameses and the Youngers, but
up here the saloons are open on
Sundays and we have rain to let.
Keep away from them and they
will dono harm on Sunday nor on
any other day. Be good that's
the secret,
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01
William Jennings BRYAN is still

William Jennings Bryan is still
stuck son. the platforms Of the
two last demo-pop campaigns. Il
he has a friend who cares to look
after his welfare it may be dis
covered that heis stuck i'm one
or the other of them; but there is
not much difference in their con-
struction. Some Of the old, rot
ten slivers may beso deeply i'm
bedded in his anatomy that he
cannot possibly extricate them
himself without assistance. 1t
is too bad to allow a nice looking
fellow like William to sink to the
depthsof a dungeon and be forced
to feed on bugs along with the
toadS.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01

Some three weeks ago the Be
midi Daily News appeared upon
our streets unhearalded either oy
bell, whistle or horn. From the
beginning Of it's frail existence it
cried out that if it was not sup
ported it would soon perish. No
one seemed to take much interest
in the illegitimate offspring, and
it did die. There was no npap"
to depend upon for poker stakes
or any other kind of steaks, so il
weakly Winked the other eye and
passed into oblivion. Possibly
the fellow who fell out of the
wagon few days before the
thing was born, scattering his
brains about and refusing to
gather them up as he was just
going to Bemidji to edit the
PIONEER and didn't need any,
got the papers mixed in the
shuttle, but we wouldn't be mean
enough to say so. The PIONEER
pities the poor little hybrid for
it was a pretty thing to look at
and feels very much grieved to
be compelled to write its obitu-
airy May it rest in peace ia it's
embryo form, for it was more
than half water.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01

The new method of handling
state affairs was introduced in
this state today, the state board
of control going into power.
Three men compose the board,
and will have control over an
army Of men and the expenditure
Of hundreds of thousands Of
dollars. The scheme is all right
if the men are.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01

Cass Lake and Walker have
Joined hands and will work with
might and main to induce the
authorities to figure with the In
dians for the purpose of coaxing
them to dispose of a portion Of
their lands in Cass county. In
the event they are successful,
Cass Lake, especially, will get
out of box that at the present
time retards her progress. Wish
those towns the best Of success.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01

The Blackduck Times says:
when a lamb from Blackjack
goes to Benidii and falls among
the wolves and thieves there is
not much of a chance for the
lamb, as happened to one Of our
neighbours last week 4 Well,
Mr.. Times, all the consolation we
have. to offer is that if you would
protect your lambs you should
keep them IN your pasture; but
it was supposed that all such
characters to which you anude
had been banished to the woods
in the vicinity Of your bailiWick.
We promise You that the occur
renee will not be repeated if you
will advise US by telephone that
one of your lambs has escaped.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01

Thestate nvestmentcommittee
recently put the sum Of SIG, 900
into the bonds of other states
and into school district bonds.
Wonder what the populists think
about the state having so much
money on hand that is not needed
for present home use? During
the next campaign they will
probably insert a plank in their
platform to the effect that all
surplus money shall be divided
equally among the members of
that party. 1t would be about
on a par with other rotten slabs
that have found a place in that
old wooden concern.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01

REPORT OF THE CONDITION OF THE
4 FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF BEMIDJI,
at Bemidj, in the State of Minnesota at
the close OF business. July Is, 1901.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01
RESOURCES

REsoU RCEs.
Loans and Discounts. 777,12s ls
Oyerdrafts. secured and unsecured SO 81
u. 5. Bonds to secure circulation $500 90
Stocks Securities. etc 45.140 90
Banking honse, furniture and fixtures 1000 90
Fire insurance premiums due ...s.... 1, 211 81
Due from National Banks (not re-
DE ssr 1lo aE s5sss Banks iii bankers s
Due from approved reserve agents. s2S5 26
Checks and other cash items. 1888 81
Notes OF other National Banks. ~. 1,205 90
and cents \. ... IA "a
LegalStender notes -. i,oi5 % s,s5s s5
Redemption fund with u. S. Treas
urer Is per cent Of circulation) Ia. 1926 90
Due from u. s. Treasurer, other than
II . per cent redemption fund 1890, 300 90
Total, \. Z. "a. s2ssl4s ii
LIABILITIES.
Capital stock paid in :. =. 5 g one 90
Surplus fund 4. ~, !. 1000 90
taxes paid. ga OF
National Bank notes outstanding $500 90
Due to State Banks and Bankers .... A. 1852 OF
Dividends unpaid ~. ...... 49,. 500 90
Individual deposits subject to check 100, T01 25
Demand certificates of deposit. TO- 22 81
Time certificates Of deposit 1880. 29,0SS SO
Cashiers checks outstanding ........ 37,170 81
Fire insurance account. ......s....s.. $50 30
Total. rs. 1928, 14s II
STATE OF MINNESOTA, q
County of Beltrami,
3 I. A. P. White, cashier of the above named
bank. do solemnly swear that the above state
snent is true othe best OF my knowledge and
A. P, WHITE,
Cashier.
Subscribed and sworn to before me this asth
day OF July, 1901.
(sEALl p. j. RUSSELL
Notary Public.
C. w. HASTINGS,
F. p, SHELDON,
w. H. ROBERTS,
Directors
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01
New Service TO st. Louis Via
ssThe MilWaukee', Line

Commencing Sunday, May 10, the
@, NJ. 8 St. P. will inaugurate
through sleeping car service between
the Twin Cities and St. Louis.
The sleeper will be carried daily on.
the train leaving Minneapolis $50
a. m. and ST. PaulS a. M, arriving
ST. Louis 7o'clock following morning.
The route is via c., NJ. & st. p,
Iowa Central and Wabash railways,
making a very direct line, passing
through very interesting portion Of
the country.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01

Epidemic
May Become General Throughout
State, and State Board of Health
Proposes to Stamp 1t Out.

Since some of those who we're
qnarantined on account of small
Ipox at Buena Vista have broken
through the blockade and their
eases have been reported to the
state board Of health, DR.. Bracken
has notified DR.. Blakeslee that
all quarantine orders and regula-
tions issued by board of health
of the state or local boards must
be strictly obeyed or the violators
will be arrested and prosecuted
or imprisoned to the fullest ex-
tent Of the law.
DR.. Blakeslee reports that the
recent cases in that vicinity are
much more virulent than any
others that have developed in the
county, and that extreme meas
ures are necessary topreventthe.
epidemic from spreading.
Ifthe dread disease is not COM
.pletely stamped out before cold
weather the scourge may become
general. AS most Of the cases
have been very mild and no
deaths have occurred. the people
have become careless and have
not dreaded it, but the time has
arrived, so says the state board
of health, that drastic measures
must be adopted and carried out
to the very letter.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01
While the states south of Min

While the states south of Min
nesota, and also a large scope Of
this state, have recently been
IsWeltering with the terrible heat,
the northern part Of the North
Star state has enjoyed compare
tive comfort AS a matter of
course the weather has been ex-
tremely warm for this region,
but it has been bearable and no
prostrations have been reported
toour knowledge. In this local
.ity, beginning last Thursday
night, rain fell, and since that
has become almost a deluge.
Light overcoats have not been
uncomfortable and people have
refrained from going on the lake
during the evenings on account
of the chilliness Of the atmos-
phere. # you would keep cool,
come to the pine regions Of Min
nesota during the heated term.
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01

NJ. w. S. Whedon, Cashier of the
First National Bank of Winterset, Ia,
in a recent letter gives some exper-
fence with a carpenter in his employ,
that will be of value to other mccain
les. He saws: II had carpenter
working for me who was obliged to
stop work for several DAYS on ac-
count of being troubled with diarrhoea
/ mentioned to him that had been
similarly troubled and that Chamber
lainss Cole, Cholera and Diarrhoea
Remedy has cured me. He bought a
bottle of it from the druggist here and.
informed me that one doze cured him,
and he is again at his work. For
sale at Mayo's Drug Store. tt
The Bemidji pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami County, Minn.) 1896-1917, 1901-08-01
Official County and City Paper.
SAMPSON .SCHLEY MIDDLE.

nIRECyTLY after the great ma.
~ val battle Of Santiago, July
3, 1898, differences Of opinion
arose between Rear Admiral
Sampson and Commodore Schley
regarding the conduct Of the bat
tie Sampson, who was in I'M
disputed command of the squad
ron, left the Immediate station
on board the flag ship New York
and steamed several miles to the
eastward to confer with Gen.
Shafter, who was i'd command Of
the army Of occupation then in
front of the city OF Santiago de
Cuba, leaving the fleet temporari-
~ under the command Of Schley.
AS he steamed away he signaled;
Pay no attention to the move
1nents of the commander in.
chief
Shortly after SIMPSONS de-.
parture the Spanish fleet, under
Admiral Cervera, steamed outof
Satiago harbor and attempted to
escape to the westward. Schley
at once gave the signal to begin
the awful battle, and the history.
thereof is still fresh in the minds
Of the civilized people Of earth.
Upon hearing the firing Sampson
at once turned about and hurried
to the scene of action, where he.
arrived after. the battle had been
won Possibly chagrined thathe
was not on the ground during the
battle, thereby losing the glory
of having directed the greatest
naval encounter of all history, he
at once began to find fault con-
corning Schley's conduct OF the
engagement, which finally led to
q pronounced estrangement be
tween them; and SO bitter has the
feud become that Schley has
asked Secretary Long to appoint
d board of inquiry to Investigate
the matter, which has been
granted, and said board will con
vene on the 18th day Of Septem-
Der next, headed BY Admiral
Dewey.
The long and senseless fight
has been a disgrace to the navy
and to the entire country and the
controversy should be settled for
all time by placing the blame
where it belongs.