The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1901-10-04
MR.. GRUMpEY's COLD.
1t Was n BAD One But Not Too Bad
for Him to Take In a Free
Baseball Game.

/ y -
gittin' worse an worse every min
ute, an 1 wish you'd hustle around
an do somethin' fer it if you're ever
goin' to! Now that you've kept
dingin' at me until you've got my
life insured it don't make a particle
of difference to you, 1 s'pose, if 1
catch the pneumonia or the gallopin'
consumption, or most anything else
that comes alongI Big pile of SYM
pathy fellow gets when he is fat
on his back, so to speak, with cold
on top of him bigger'n meetin'
housed"
my DEAR" said Mrs. Grumpey,
gently, writes VIII S. Gidley, in Wom-
ans Home Companion, ''why don't
you try ginger-tea and molasses?
Only the other day 1 was reading in
the almanac"
Il know you was" broke in Mr.
Grumpey, hastily. You're always
readin' somethin' or another in the
almanac! You'll manage to pizen the
hull crowd of us yet with some recipe
you get hold of in that wayl 1 hain't
forgot the batch of fapjacks yet you
made from somethin' you got out of
the old patent-medicine almanac a
month or so after we got married
It's mOre'n ten years sence 1 ct them
hapjacks, but my stomach hain't en-
tirely got over the effects of it yet"
'Well, you can't blame me, can you,
if you went to work and ate up the
whole two dozen fapjacks at once?
1t certainly wasn't my"
''Never mind about them air flap
jacks" interrupted Mr.. Grumpey.
What L want to know is if you're
goin' to look over the medicine chest
an git me somethin' for this cold, or
have [ got to suffer on in silence till
die of inhuenzy or epizootic, or some
other tarnal complaint of that sort ?"
IF you suffer on it won't be in sill
ence; that is quite evident" retort-
ed Mrs. Grumpey, dryly. Bullet
me see-what was it 1 did for it when
you had that bad cold right after
New Year's?"
SCOT me TO soak my feet in tub
of bilin'-hot water an mustard!
That's what you did that time; but
you don't coax me into no such fool
performance as that again, not as
long as I'm able to set up an de-
fend myself! You've got to cure me
with my boots on this time, if you
cure me at all! 1 don't propose to
have the skin scalded off my feet
eveEy time 1 take cold!"
"Wel, why don't you try goose
grease for it?" suggested Mrs.
Grumpey. "That is what my mother
always used for a cold. You grease
your nose with it, rub little of it
on your throat and chest, and then
mix few drops with molasses and
take it internally, and the next morn
ing your cold is gone"
Eyes, I s'pose so! Sounds all right,
but where's your goose-grease comm
from? Amt got any of it in the
house, have you?"
"N-no, 1 think not, Silas. I'm
sorry; but perhaps 1 might get it
at the drug store. If it's good for
colds they ought to have it for
sale"
''Had, eh?" shifted Mr.. Grumpey.
"Ever hear of a druggist keepin' an
old woman's remedy of that kind on
hand just because he knew it would
knock the spots out of cold?
guess not. If he cures a cold at all
he's goin' to cure it with a patent
prescription of his own, costing rs
cents or dollar every clip! He isn't
in the business for his health, exact
lyI An now we've got that point set
tied, I'd like to know if you're really
goin' to do anything for this 'leven-
story cold of mine? If you are you
ought to act mighty quick; L can't
stand it to suffer so much longeri"
Just then the door-bell rang, and
as Mrs Grumpey went to answer it
Mr.. Grumpey groaned: That's right
that's right! Go ahead an wait on
some tramp or other an let your
helpless an sufferin' husband die for
want of little attention! That's the
woman of it every time! Oh, you've
got back, have you? Well, did you
get rid of your tramp"
"Yes, 1 got rid of him. 1t was your
friend Mr.. Gadabout, who called to
get you to accompany him to the
ball game He had free tickets for
this afternoon, it seems; but l told
him that made no difference, for you
had very bad cold and couldn't
pos"
"Eh? What's that?" roared Mr..
Grumpey. "Told him 1 had a bad
cold and couldn't go, did you? Well,
1 reckon it'll take a cold consider
ably bigger'n this one to hold me
back when there's a chance to see
a good ball game free gratis for
nothin! What does a woman know
about a cold, anyway? Somebody run
to the door an call Gadabout back!
| Gimme my hat an overcoat, Hammer;
| / must hurry! We won't have more'n
time to get there now before the
| game begins!"
And exactly 60 seconds later the
complaining sufferer of a few mo-
ments before was nimbly stepping off
down the street, arm, in arm with
his friend, Gadabout, apparently as
well as ever. Those free ball game