davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
TOOK WEDDING TRIP ALONE.
Man TX plains Why He Had to Leave
Bride o. Homo.

Bride at Home.
One Of the best-known raconteurs in
the South is the Rev. Charles Lane Of
Atlanta. He is thoroughly unconyen-
tional, but is possessed of an inexhaust-
ible supply of anecdotes Mr.. Lane was
one of a party of ministers who were re-
GENTLY dining with the Rev. DIR. L. De
Witt Talmadgc at the home of Evan L.
Howell in Atlanta. DR. Talmage was
personally a stranger to most Of the
preachers present, and the dinner seemed
rather cold and formal. differing IN mis-
respect from most Southern gatherings.
Finally some one suggested to Mr.. Lane
that he try to liven things up. He then
proceeded to tell the following story,
which completely fractured the ice and
made every one acquainted with every
one else that was there:
"A few years ago there might have
been seen walking the decks of an At
lantic steamer man. apparently rustic
inhabitant, seemingly in deep distress. n
fellow passenger having observed the
manifestations of the mans obvious grief
for several days, finally went to him and
asked, sympathetically:
My friend | have noticed your dis
tress for several days, and. thinking that
perhaps | might be of some assistance,
venture TO ask if any member of your
family is dead
NO. replied the man; Nobody dead
We'll, you are probably suffering
from some serious business misfortune, |
presume continued the questioaer.
mo; no business trouble.
Might | ask, then, what the trouble
is?'
We'll, I'm on my weddin' trip re-
spOnded the nan. seriously
ON your wedding trip? Why, | al
ways thought that was time of great
rejoicing
YES, hut my wife's not with me- re-
piled the disturbed man.
Your wife not with you. never
heard of a man taking wedding trip
when his wife was not with him..
We'll, you see it was this way: We
didn't have money enough for both of
MS to go, but as the thing had ter be
tuck, I'm taking it by myself New
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
Apology Cheeriully Made.

Once, two gentlemen attended 4 tenn
perance meeting, and, on returning home
hy a dark and narrow lane. were thrown
out of their conveyance. The incident
was reported in the local paper. and the
account closed with the words "Fortu.
nately. both men were sober" The edi-
tor received an angry letter from one of
the gentlemen concerned with request
for an apology. He was equal To the oc-
casion I'm our account of the unfortu-
nate accident TO Messrs. -" wrote
the editor, Eve stated that fortunately
both men were sober. 1t appears this
statement has given great offense. We
therefore beg to withdraw it,"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
Ghost Ready, but Meat was Feeble.

AT table of German and English stu
dents recently one pleasant little German
was keen on showing ms knowledge Of
English. Every sentence of his wuS
bound TO contain hayve and alretty; Il
bit of slang was to him as ponderouS as
the voice of an oracle, and the English
tn was simply impossible. He com
mented brokenly on the bewket on the
table, and the gayness in Ms buttonhulc
But the climax was reached in answer
to a question put in good German;
Are You going to the lecture tonight,
Herr b."
Zach. nor with wave of his hand
''der ghost is retty, but der meat is fee
BILE"
Then the quiet man Strengthened out
our wrinkled brows by suggestion that
possibly he meant THE spirit is willing.
but the flesh is weak. london King.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
Served inferior Sherry

They seldom gave dinner parties aud
what they gave were small But they
liked things done decentiy and in order,
and generally had the best In the aft
trnoon of one of the little parties the
host summoned the boy i'll buttons and
said to him: Now, John. you must be
very careful how you hand round the
wine
YES, sirs'
These bottles with the black seals are
the best, and these with the red seals the
inferior sherry. The best sherry is for
after dinner; the inferior sherry You will
hand around with the hook after soup,
You understandable and inferior sher-
ry after soup?'
Aes, sir, perfectly" responded the boy
in buttons.
The evening came. and with it the
sucS5S. Everything went on Swimmingly
each OF the guests, Hook or inferior
sherry Tit Bits.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
HE WANTED "SHEEPS."
Frenchnan Explains that They were
Component Part of "Pokeaire.o

Frenchman Explains that They were
Component Part of "Pokeaire."
A young Frenchman, recently arrived
in this city, found himself in a pleasant
boarding house in Michigan avenue,
where most of the boarders were of long
residence and were we'll acquainted-al-
most as members of family. The
Frenchman was bright intelligent.
gentlemanly fellow, and was taken into
full fellowship soon. One night a little
poker game was started--a penny ante"
game, or something of the kind. The
Frenchman took to it very quickly, and
found it very fascinating. The next day
he determined to purchase for himself
a poker outfit to take back with him to
France when he should return. So he
went to a large department store and
asked if they had some ''sheepS."
Upstairs" said the polite clerk, lin
the toy department"
The young man went up two floors and
again asked for "sheeps"
Over i'll the far corner" said the
floorwalker.
When he reached the counter to which
he had been directed young woman
to whom he made known his wants
showed him number of wooden sheep
with wool fastened on them.
Pardon; Get ees not Zese | want. /
weesh Sleeps"
well, these are certainly sheep" said
the young woman, land they are very
good sheep" Then new idea came to
her, and she added: ''Of course. if you
want something cheaner. you will find
some tin animals over at that other coun-
ter, pointing across the room.
But, it is not Sleeps | want. but
Sleeps | want not Sleeps re animals.
but Sleeps to play wiz"
My dear sir, these are sheep to play
With 80
The poor man was growing distressed.
when second girl came to the rescue.
Il know what, you want" she said;
come with me-"
He went with her. and she plotted him
over to counter on which were piled
miniature ships. yachts, and so forth
There You areH she exclaimed, trium-
phantly
But Get eos no, not zis! 1t is Sleeps
Eat | want"
by this time it began to be the general
impression on the floor that the man was
crazy. and this was strengthened by his
explanation that he wanted the Sleeps"
for his "aunties."
They must keep boarding house"
whispered one girl to another ''and he
has mistaken this for n grocery"
But a sophisticated man overheard the
Frenchman' last remarks. and said:
Excuse me, sir, but | think | under
stand what you want-poker chips, isn't
'Surelee. Sleeps for pokeair. Zat
ees eet.-Chicago Journal
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
Temperance at the south.

Some interesting surprises are noted IN
glancing at the figures showing the mum
Der of prohibition counties in the South
ern states. Kentucky is standing tar
get for jokes about liquor drinking be-
cause of its immense production of wills
ky. But it is fact that of the ninety
four counties of Kentucky only four per,
NIT the sale of liquor except ON physi-
clans prescriptions. The big state of
Texas. which has "wide-open' reputa-
ton in the North. has 100 prohibition
counties Georgia leads all of its sister
states of the South with 1872; Missouri
has 81, Tennessee 30, North Carolina 90.
Virginia 80, Alabama so, Arkansas 80.
West Virginia 40. Florida 80 and so on.
nc Angeles Herald
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
Mixed Isedigrees.

They were at dinner at their country
home at Southampton. A poor cousin was
the only guest. The mother, who is an
aristocrat of the aristocrats. was eXpa-
tiating-for the benefit of tine cousin--on
the excellence of her genealogy. She told
how this branch traced 10 Lord - of
England; this to the Kings of Scotland !:
that to the old pre-Revolution families
Of France and the other to family of
Irish kings of 800 years ago.
Suddenly a precocious 6-year-old daugh-
ter. who took a great interest in her
fathers kennel of dogs. spoke up.
Mamma, why are you proud of that ?
If you mix up a lot of dogs, papa says
they make ours; amt people the same?"
The father laughed, the cousin con
cealed his mirth, the mother flushed, and
the genealogical discussion ended-New
York Times
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
DIR. Parkhurst's Tiger Rug.

One Of the first decorations that greet
the eye of the visitor to the reception
room of DIR. ParkhurSt's home is a mann.
moth tiger rug, spread across the floor,
its vicious head, savage eyes and cruel
teeth cleycrly mounted by one who must
nave been an expert taXidermist, relates
the New York Times. Said focetionS
friend to the doctor:
II should think you, of all men, woud
be the last to keep the emblem Of Tam.
many hall 50 prominently displayed in
your home
lor. Parkhurst smiled and replied:
II Keep the tiger here to constantly re-
mint me that my enemy is always near.
Then again | keep the tiger here To walk
all over occasionally"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
HOOKED ONTO A WAGON.
An Incident in the Career of Man
who Went Up in Balloons.

VINO went W IN Balloons.
Yes. this parachute jumping business
IS dangerous" said an old aeronaut
th9ughtfullv. But it may surprise you
10 learn that 1t is not nearly so dangerous
as t''2 old folm of balloonlng. With a
-'d"arAute you can pick your landing
p "., and while coming down it can be
gS.ueu. more or less, and thus clear OBJ.
SStructtonS hat you are apt to meet with
But with 4 balloon you are absolutely
helpless, and You have to come down
wherever the big bag may choose TO land
YOU. l remember a humorous incident
that happened to me a gooQ many wears
ago. when this parachute business was
never dreamed Of | had made an as
censlon. and had been carried out into
the country. There was Il strong wind
blowing, and | scented danger when I
came down. AS | neared the earth
threw out my graphing hook. but | was
passing over ploughed fields, and the hook
merely dragged on the ground, and did
not stay the progress OF the balloon
feerlng over the side of the basket, no.
ticed wagon loaded with seed potatoes
standing in field, and a moment later
my graphing hook caught hold of it,.
But the wagon was not heavy enough to
stay the progress of the balloon, the re-
suit being that | dragged it along with
me. Then | saw an old man. who had
oeen taking nap under the wagon,
jump up, look dazed for moment. and
then start in pursuit. yelling wildly:
'Iol dern your ugly picture, what do
You mean by stealing my potatoes?
The wagon ran into Il stump at last,
ana as the hook held, | managed to make
a landing.
Il spent an exciting fifteen minutes try
ing TO convince him that | had no de-
signs on his potatoes. | succeeded. in n
way. at last but | think to this day, If
the man is still alive. that he is under the
impression that it was only new scheme
TO rob the honest old farmer. Detroit
Free Press
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
Polish Author is Diplomatic.

The novels of Henryk SienkieWi.z
have been translated into almost every
civilized tongue. writes Louis +. ia
Norman in the Outlook. Sixteen Of ms
books are now $1,000 in English. thirty
nine in Russian, fifteen in German. -four
in French, three in Swedish one in Span
ish, in Portuguese. one in Greek, we
in Armenian and some of the shorter
stories in other less important tongue
In Russia he is read more than any ONE.
author-nOt excepting Tolstoi. RusS'ai,
know Polish history, and, moreover W
the romances. the two peoples are neFtE
stroke of the novelist or was it merely 4
coiocidpucp2
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
RELAXED TOO LATE.
Pullman Porter's Mistake in the Case
of the Southerners,

PnIlman Porter's Mistake in the Case
of the Southerners,
As this is the time of the year when
everybody is travelling, and of course in
Pullman cars, anything relating to that
monarch, the car porter, is of interest
The New York Press heard of this: "A
Kentuckian and Georgian on the way
to New York in a Pullman ear detected
an early coOlncss on the part of the
porter. 1t worried the Georgian Il good
deal. If | just had that brown scoun-
drel in my state I'd kick him off the
train he said, He isn't polite. He
does not know his place or his business or
the business Of the corporation that al
lows him to live The Kentuckian re-
piled: Don't worry. 1t may be that
you haven't Travelled with portcrs as long
as / have What you have said about
this Niger is absolutely true, but Just
before we get to New Jersey he will re
lax, he will relax. After passing New
ark Mr.. Portah pranced up, all smiles,
whsk in hand, TO do the final act and
collect his quarter. He was permitted
to dust off the two travellers, hold their
topcoats and hand down their hats. and
as he fingered with an mir of confident
expectancy the kcntuckian remarked
See here. my friend, if you had relaxed
sooner you'd have made 80 cents out of
us two, but you relaxed to late Go on
and tend to your business. Other pas
SengerS are waiting for YOU"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
HAUNTED.

Sly Love IS dead. Yet dag aud night
My Love is ever near;
For this ! know by sound and sight,
And, knowing. never fear.
In drops of warm and iimpid rain
His ghostly kisses come:
He whispers in the rustIinG grain,
Vet say they, Death is dumb!
His eyes gaze down. two plying stars,
Into mine own uFraised;
He knocks against the unseen bars
The wood-bird stops, amazed.
And when a gauzy mist uplits
BetwiXt the earth and moon,
His own loved form the yapor riffs,
And comes a Whisper Soon
"SoOni'-ah. nv Love. I tranquil wait,
Till deaths diss0lyent wine
Shall free my soul to join rs mate
Beyond life's thin skyline.
H. Arthur Powell In the critic.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
NURSERY RHYMES.

Bright little Jack
Sat on tack
Eating Christmas pie,
He stuck in his thumb
And pulled ont a plum,
And said, What a plumber am IL
Said nurse to little Curlyhair: Keep from
that tree, you bark!
The trees on which dogberries grow have
always got bark!''
One picture to the other said:
Don't call me by that name,
Or by the moon that's overhead.
III have to jump your frame!''
indianapolis Sun.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19

He had Just explained to her that ne
could not possibly defer the marriage irT
longer than three months. and that II su.
would not consent it We're better to hreaf
off things at once than later. She H"t
listened sadly. wondering. She did I,.
see why he refused to wait longer Tor ,'y,
she had asked hut year-ahu INN
she consented to the limit. fs
do you know, darling, what l W, W..
have done if you had not consented:
asked -.
She looked quietly into his eyes 49,.
could see she had been hurt. lie. '.'
parted. but she said not Il word. "a
why. | would have waited. n, 81 .''
Then all was well.-New York 'i'.>
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
Biddy Forgot Her Pan.

\ young matron of New York tells-the
following joke of her bridal attempts az
housekeeping. She had employed n
greenhorn as a servant. and spent many
weary hours teaching her the way things
should be done to be in the correct style
tier latest lesson related to the correct
way to receive Il visitor and the maid
was instructed in the mysteries Of On r5s
cardtrays and the accepted formula Ia
he gone through when opening the door
for caller. One afternoon the door
ties rang. and Mrs. Gregory heard the
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19

cost We anything. as / wus going to
tell We something to yer advantage.
This was too much for Mr.. Bung's Curl
osity. and the drink was handed over.
AS the droughty one licked his lips and
gazed dreamily at the bottom of the
tankard he said: Well, | wanted to tell
We that if liver We are in Downpatrick
gaol-as l hope and trust We will be-
be sure and take the treadmil to the
right as It is easiest worked. '-LondOn
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
Rev. Mr. stokes Acqmiesced.

Rev. Arson +. Stokes, Jr., is golf
player, with all his other charming ac-
complshments. Not long ago in match
in the Connecticut club ut New Haven,
he defeated in the first round A. III.
Chase Of the Norwich club. The match
was nip and tuck. and Mir. Stokes came
the gallery" had died away ana Mr.
Stokes was receiving CONGRATULATIONS,
when one Of his old Yale classmates
stepped forward. throw his arm across
his shoulders and exclaimed: That was
d good, wasn't it. Anson?" The cal
lery was awed by the big II, hut Mr.
Stokes was quite calm. Yes" he said
II am really surprised at myself. -
HnlYnkn TranScrint.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
Fence Quite Unnecessary.

Mr.. Suhurhan-'I was called on hy =
committee today, who wanted me 10 con-
tribute something toward The bnldinc ~
new f,nce around the old cemetery" =
Mrs. Suburban-"Aud how much did
you give them, dcar?" wv
Mr.. Suburhan-'I gave them nothing
simply because | did not see the pac,,ssifv
for building fence. Those who arn IL
me cemetery can't get out and | don't
heleVc there Is anyone very anxious IA
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19

maid" tearing up the stairs two steps
at a time.
'Shure, MN, there's one of them ma
chimes outside, with two men a-sittin' on
the top of it, and q lady on the inside
an looking at tn : card in her hand,
and with dash down the stairs again
I've forgotten me pan!"--Ledger Month
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
Are Less Arrogant.

| observed in my travels this summer
in Switzerland. in the Tyrol and else
where. that the tourist Englishman is
now less arrogant and more submissive.
Formerly he always gave us foreigners
mn idea of "I--want-to-take--c charge
cf-this-place.' Now he murmurs
sThank you" at table, saving Mercy,
which means pity.-Amsterdam Handles
had
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
Tip as to Easiest Treadmiil.

The publican, recognizing the
''droughty soul who had just entered
his bar as man whose thirst was
longer than his purse demanded cash
before delivery. As the thirsty one re-
luctantly turned to go he remarked in
a plaintive tone: well We might haze
let me get that tankard; il wudn't haze
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19
Specification Desirable.

There is a story told of caAd.H:1' +.
an extempore trial sermon befor, ~
late Archbishop TAFT and Dean Sia3-eH.
In his extreme nervousness ne htS3A "
a Stammering way, Il viii divide i.T
congregation into twO-the converted w.
unconverted." This proved too mn,1
the primate's sense Of humor. ana E' n
claimed: II think. sir, as there ar.
two of Us. you had better say NA''"
which. London Echo.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-10-19

The first fire engine used 7.
country was brought from En-"l"-
New York in 1871.
The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1901-10-03
PRAISE FOR AMERICAN PRESS

The London Times has published a
long article dealing with American
newspaper methods. Its author is sup
posed to be Moberly Bell, manager Of
the Times. Evidently he is inclined to
poke a little fun at the means some
times employed by interviewers in or
der to make interesting copy, yet, in
conclusion, he is moved to say some
very agreeable things about American
journalism. He finds that our press
is improving, and is positive that it
will continue to improve. Referring to
the leading newspaper men of the
United States he says that however
much one may differ from their stand
point or deprecate their methods, it is
impossible to deny their quick intelli-
gence and breadth of view, or the
thorough earnestness and uprightness
of purpose by which the conductors of
the press are actuated." He asserts,
too, that the American press can COM
pare on equal terms with the English
press" in independence and incorrupt-
ibility, financial, political or social"
Any American who has taken the
trouble to study the press of his coun-
try, has known all along that, in
spite of the influence of the yellow
journal, the American newspapers aim
high, and realize their ambition in
fair degree. 1t is pleasant, however,
to find an English journalist of wide
repute acknowledging the merits of our
newspapers.
The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1901-10-03

Mr.. Andrew Carnegie has notified the
authorities Of the Glasgow Technical
College that he will give s125,0OO to be
applied to the fund of $75O,0OO which
the institution is attempting to raise.
DR.. George H. Denny has been elect
ed President of the Washington and
Lee University to take the place of the
Hon. William L. Wilson who died last
October. The committee in charge of
the Wilson memorial fund, the Hon.
Grover Cleveland, Abram S. Hewitt.
George Foster Peabody. Isidor Strauss.
Robert Fulton Cutting, John G. Car
Isle. James C. Carter, Oswald Garri-
son Willard and Horace White which
is to be applied for the benefit of the
University have received thus far
s74,57S, $4,000 of which is subscribed
on condition that the fund be completed
before January 1.
The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1901-10-03
RAILWAY CAPITALISTS
VISIT WORCESTER

Fred c. Kinds of Newton, Charles H.
Wilson Of Brookline and Thomas c.
Perkins of Hartford, who are the chief
capitalists behind the new Providence
& Worcester Electric Street Railway
Company, were in Worcester yesterday
looking over the ground and making
arrangements for the entry Of the new
road into this city.
AS has been explained in The Spy
the new company will cover a territory
that now has no electric connections
with any of the big centres and very
poor connections by steam.
By arrangement with the Worcester
Consolidated Street Railway Company,
the new company will come into Wor-
cester over the Consolidated tracks
from Greenwood Street but beyond
Greenwood Street to the Millbury line
the new company will ask the Board Of
Aldermen for a location of its own.
The line in Millbury will go over private
land west of the Providence & Wor-
cester Railroad until it reaches Gould
Street, through which it is intended to
ask for a location.
The arrangement in Milbury has not
been definitely decided on as there are
two ways of getting out of the town
through Bramanville. One is to use the
present tracks of the Consolidated from
a point west of the Mcgowan bridge to
the end of the line If a satisfactory
arrangement cannot be made with the
Consolidated for a joint use of this
track, the new company will ask for a
separate location parallel to the Con-
solidated.
After leaving Bramanville the new
line will go over the Sutton turnpike
through Sutton Centre and Manchaug
to East Douglas and through East
Douglas and Douglas to the state line.
In Rhode Island the line will go
through Burrilville, North Smithffeld,
Smithfield and North Providence, en-
tering Providence over the tracks of
the Union Street Railway Company.
The twons to be traversed by the
new line are all thriving mill commune
ties whose people have considerable
difficulty in reaching the large bust
ness centres as they are off the reg
ular line of steam railway travel.
The new Company is being organized
in Massachusetts under the general
law and as soon as the legal prelimina-
ries are complied with the directors
will petition for their locations.