Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1901-09-09

on1 NUN ihh tOhT OUr OF lhli HOUSE.
When a janitor has got his tenants so
that they are afraid to ask him' to
sweep the halls for fear he will fall
dead, he's got pretty good thing
"Und dose families-do dey quarrel
some more, or vhas all peace und hap
pness?"
ITS sad times over at the fats. Mr..
Wasserman. sad times, and there are
hours at time when my heart aches
over the wickedness Of human nature.
The last time talked with you each Of
the three women was trying to do the
other In style, but the barber's wife
had carried off the palm. There was
week In which Mrs. O'Sullivan of the
first floor and the Countess Divito of
the second were crushed to earth. Mrs.
O'Sullivan was the first to rally. One
morning she twisted up her hair In
knot. spanked three or four Of the chill
dren and run the goat out of the house,
and, going up stairs to the colored wo-
man, she knocked on her door and said:
Lady Torrington, lady as is a la
dy knows another lady as is a lady as
soon as she sets her eyes on her.
You bet yer she do!' said Mrs. Tor.
rington.
Then l am a lady, You are lady,
and the countess is a lady. and phwat's
the use of any hard feelings? I'm 60
Ing to give little recherche affair this
evening. and I've come up to extend
high flown invitation"
UVhac m WV, o.l,a5 A.. z.,,1zs.
as he absently toyed with string bean.
"Yes, of course. The word 'resher-
shay knocks you out, but as a janltor
l make use of it a hundred times day.
1t means the same as four XXXX's on
can of Notwithstanding very ex-
elusive, you know. The barber's wife
knew all about 1t. and she wasn't over q
got tired of quarreling and was ready
to make up. Then Mrs. O'Sullivan ex-
tended the invitation to the countess.
stood by as she did 1t. and tell you,
Mr.. Wasserman. it made me proud OF
the McMurphy fats. She knocked on
the door, and as 1t was opened she
made grand courtesy and said:
1.-The Lady O'Sullivan's compliments
to the Countess of Divito, and will the
Countess of Divito condescend to honor
the Lady O'Sullivan wild her royal pris.
ence this evening at the hour of 81
''The countess had probably expected
to be hit with a washboard." contin-
ued the janitor. land she was too sur
prlsed for the moment to speak, but
when she got at 1t she responded &C.
cording to court etiquette. | knew
Mrs. O'Sullivan had some little game
on hand. but just what It was
couldn't figure out. However. when
she asked me what sort Of refresh
ments went with recherche affair
recommended bottled beer, sliced
onions and sardines and bided my time
to unravel the mystery"
"Uud dot party comes off?" queried
the grocer.
at does. Yes, at 8 o'clock this even
ing Lady Torrington and the Countess
Dlyto descended to the first floor and
were received with all due honors by
Lady O'Sullivan. You know what a
prelude is, don't you"
"Yes. 1t vhas something's dot takes
place afterwards"
"You are wrong, Mr.. Wasserman. II
is something that takes place before
anything else happens. In this case
the prelude was glass Of beer all
around and a song by Lady O'Sullivan
and then the honored guests were in
vited to sit down to little game OF
poker. As soon as l heard OF II the
mystery was explained, Tim O'Sulll'
van had been coaching his wife al
poker for week"
by golly. und some gambling goes
on" exclaimed the grocer In consid
cradle excitement.
"Some gambling goes on" sighed the
janltor. "If the guests were surprised
they didn't show 1t, but sat down anc
were soon at 1t, and for half an houl
all went well. Then Lady O'Sullivar
gets threes."
"Three pokers"
"No; three kings. Yes. she gets thret
kings, but Lady Torrington gets
straight, you see."
"Who vhas straightT
"Don't you know about poker, Mr.
Wasserman?"
"Neffer. l shust keep a grocery unt
haf all kinds of vegetables in season."
''Well, a straight beats threes but II
this case the countess had flush. ant
that beats a straight. 1t was the bes
hand Of the three, but no one knew It.
"Und dose womans makes some bets
ehT
"They do. Lady O'Sullivan careless
ly remarks that her hand is worth
nickel, and she is followed and raise
by the other two. BY and by there wa
$40 on the board"
"You don't say"
"Then $40, $15, S25."
"By golly, hut how awful"