Junction City bulletin. [volume] (Junction City, Or.) 189?-1901, 1901-02-28
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Diner-Isn't that rather small
steak? Waiter-Yes. sir; but you'll
find 1t viii take you good while 10
eat 1t.
Chollie-She called me an idiot. Mol
lie-Indeedl l didn't think she knew
you well enough for that!-yonkers
Statesman.
Nellie-Gracious How do you man.
age to knit so much In so short time!
Ninette-Eyery time | do ten rows l
give myself chocolate cream.
Hoax (at the theaterl-See those
three fellows and three girls In the
box? They are all engaged. Joax-
Sort of matchbox. isn't it?-Phlla-
delphia Record.
Charitable Old Lady-Poor woman!
And are you a widow? Beggar-Worse
than widow, ma'am. Me husbands
Twin, an have to support him.-Glas-
gov Evening Times.
what do you think OF this scheme
of ftelegraphing without wires !" That's
nothing new. My wife has kicked my
shins under the table for twenty
years. What to Eat.
Harry-It was kind of you, old fell
low, to look after my girl while was
away. How can ever repay you?
Fred-Well. still owe the livery sta
bic man.--The Smart Set.
Are you suffering from cold?" mo.
My trouble started with cold. but
took all the remedies my friends pre-
scribed and they are what am suffer
ing from ow."-Washington Star.
Husband returning from his first
ascent in balloonl--Just think of 1t.
Alice: l ascended 25.OO0 feet In the air.
Young Wife-And you brought back
nothing for me.-Fliegende Blaetter
Jane-It is always a surprise to me
what lot of homely women get mar
ried. Bertha-No doubt 1t is a refiec-
ton which gives you great deal of
encouragement. dear.-Boston Tran
script.
When doctors say that an operation
is successful. they mean that they
found what they looked for and cut II
out; they don't mean that the patient
has recovered or will recoyer.--Atchi-
son Globe.
THAT woman made me what am"
"Ah, how long have you been mar
ried? ''Oh, we're not married at all
She wouldn't have me. and IL made me
so mad l got move on."-lndianapo-
lis Journal.
as there any danger Of the boa con-
strictor's biting me?" asked a lady
visitor at the geological gardens. Not
the least. am" cried the keeper;
"he never bites; he swallows his
wittles whole "-Tit-Bits
Ethel-When a man talks all by him.
self, what Is that called? Mamma
Why, that's called "mOnOlogue." "Oh,
see. When the cats get to talking
on the fence, that's catalogue isn't
ttT-Philadelphia Record
Visitor (angrily)-See here, sir. You
called me political jobber in your
paper this morning. Editor-Yes. but
that was a mistake. Visitor-Ahi You
admit that. Edltor-Certainly. wrote
'robber' very plainly.-PhlIadelph
Press.
Poet-I've called to see about the
poem | left here last week. Editor
What was it? Poet-It was a realistic |
piece, entitled "The Gallant Fireman"
Editor-I'm afraid 1t was too realistic. !
1t probably went to the fre.-PhiladeI- |
phia Press.
New Reporter (tired out)-To-day is
Saturday, and you know this State
now has a Saturday half-holiday law
which City Editor-By Jinks! Il
nearly forgot it. Rush out and get I'D
a five-column article on how the day |
Is being observed.-New York Weekly.
Mrs. Housekeep-Why don't you 20
to work? Weary Walker-Well lady,
yer see I'm wat yer might call an "un-
happy medium" Mrs. Housekeep-In- |
deed? And what do you mean by |
that? Weary Walker-Why. I'm too
heavy fur light work and too light fur
heavy work.-Philadelphia Press.
Miss Bullion-No, Adolphus, must
not listen to you! My parents would
never consent to my marriage with a
man who had to work for his living.
Adolphus-But I'm an artist, dearest.
Miss Bullion-True-but you sell your
pictures! Adolphus-Oh, darling Jou
wrong me- | paint pictures that don't
sell.-Tit Bits.
Old Merchant-Before answer your
request for my daughters hand per-
NIT me to ask what is your yearly in
come, sir? Young Man-All told, it
amounts to $500. Old Merchant-H'm! /
To that would be added the interest
at per cent on the sum Of 100000