The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1901-02-24
FOR FEMININE READERS
THE FINE ART OF KNOWING WHEN
TO TAKE LEAVE OF A HOSTESS.
IL Men Are Unmannerly 1t Is the
Fault Of Their Mothers-The Use-
full Black Gown-Sundny suppers.
In an interesting dissertation on etiquette

In an interesting dissertation on etiquette
the London Queen says:
Most people are equal TO entertaining
drawing room and to greeting their hostess
with a certain amount of readiness and
self-confidence. They are invited guests.
they take their welcome for granted. or
they are returning calls received; anyhow,
they have the key of the position, and they
are not called upon to make decision as
to whether they shall do this or that. They
have to make themselves agreeable to the
best of their abilities, but this is understood
beforehand and does not come upon them
as surprise. The exercise of judgment is
brought into play, or the proof OF the lack
of 1t evinced at the crucial moment OF de-
parture, and TO determine this moment with
acumen demands a goodly array OF val
liable qualities which some possess In lar
lesser degree than do others. There are
people who never know when to take leave,
and who stay on and on in a desultory, I'M
comfortable manner, having nothing par
ticular to say and no reason for remaining
except that they cannot get themselves
away. These uncertain ones require little
assistance from their hostess in the matter
or fastening their departure, but she is
generally reluctant to help them over the
stile" for fear of being considered inhos-
pitable. 1t is not every hostess who dares
to say to one of these lingerers, II know
you want to say goodbye so L will not
detain you a moment longer" although this
is the spirit in which she would like to
speed these parting guests were it conven-
tional so to do. Actual engagements,
whether of q social or business. character,
are great aids in determining the moment
n den
abrupt leave takingS have TO be guarded
against to avoid creating an undesirable
impression-that is TO say, TO break OH or
TO break into a conversation suddenly with
a hurried Goodbye is the reverse of COM
plimentary, and a little care should be
taken to do neither OF these things. An
engagement may as a matter of course be
put forward as a reason for an early de-
parture, but il is to the hostess that this
should be said when shaking hands with
her.
There are some unwritten laws with re-
gard to time at which departures should
be general, and of which most people are
cognisant; but even these are subject TO eX-
ceptions and variations and are regulated
by a hostess wishes. For instance, should
visitor rise to take leave after luncheon,
or at any afternoon call, and hostess
wishes to delay a departure by saying,
Don't hurry away" or Must you CO., or
by making some such kindly remark-en
gagementS permitting-the leave taking
should be postponed for the moment. AT
afternoon at homes, at dinner parties and
dances, these persuasive words are seldom
addressed to parting guests, as they leave
early or late as best suits their con-
venience, within the time given, which
must not be outstayed save by request of
host or hostess, and here also the few min
uteS asked fort really amounts to no
more-should not be heightened out to half
or three-quarters of an hour, for fear of
occasioning regret rather than satisfaction
on the part of so friendly a hostess.
There is a disposition on the part of some
inconsiderate visitors TO somewhat bore
their friends by lengthening afternoon
calls into visitatiOnS of an hour or an hour
and halfs duration, regardless of the
claims of other visitors or of the time of
the long-suffering hostess. They cannot be
told in 500 many words that their visits are
over long; they are more culpable than
those who do not quite know how to get
away quickly, and so stay on, but they
simply remain to suit their own convent
ence, oblivious Of that of their hostess.
1t is very easy TO err in the opposite di-
rection, and to make brief visit that
hostess feels it is but a matter of duty,
and not one of pleasure. AS a rule, if
| time Is precious that only a short ten
minutes can be allowed in which to make
call, it had better be deferred until a
more convenient opportunity Nervous
people sometimes make this mistake; they
cannot think at the moment of anything
| further to say, and so say Goodbye" and
| beat hasty retreat. Others make these
uncomplimentary short calls from indiffer-
| ence and lack of interest in those called
| upon, or from press of engagements or
| again from anxiety lest their horses, should
| be kept too long in the cold; this latter
| fearlessly expressed did not the dread of
| appearing to put on side" deter them
| from mentioning the fact that they have
horses to drive.