Holbrook argus., 1901-05-18

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Life.
He has very breezy manner, don't
you think?' "Well, yes, if you refer to
the delight he takes in airing his
views" -Philadelphia Press.
81 suppose you'll be telling people
that I'm fool" mo, dear. There are
some things we must keep to our
selves."-Chicago Daily News.
A possible explanations: 81 wonder
why the Struts didn't invite us to their
daughters wedding?" Maybe they
didn't want us."-Chicago Record.
Jack-Don't you think that woman,
as a rule, prefers a man who is her
master? Ethel-Not at all. She pre-
fers one who thinks he is.-The Smart
Set.
ITS a mystery how all these wars
are kept up" What do you mean?"
"Why, so many men quit and come
home to lecture about them:"-Chicago
accord.
Hodd-Hang it all! Do you suppose
I'll ever make good golf-player? Todd
pityingly)-Never, old man. You think
too much of your family and your bus
iness.-Harper's Bazaar.
L " (whose mare has just kicked a
member of the hunt, who was follow
ing too closely)-Oh, Pm so sorry! do
hope it didn't hurt you! She's such
gentle thing, and could only have done
it in the merest play, you know
Punch.
'Why did that young man leave so
suddenlyF asked Maud. sit was my
fault" answered Mamie; 81 thought
lessly got to talking about the beauti
full autumn haze by the river. forgot
he was a West Point cadet."-Wash-
ington Star.
His life a failure: Eyes, 1 consider
my life a failure" ooh, Henry, how
sad! Why should you say that" 81
spend all my time making money
enough to buy food and clothes, and the
food fisagrees with me and my clothes
don't fit."-Life.
Peddler-Wouldn't you like some mot
toes for your house, mum? It's very
cheering to a husband to see a nice
motto on the wall when he comes home.
Mrs. De Jagg-You might sell me one
if you've got one that says, Better
Late than Never"
Thwarted ambitions: Hello, Boom
erleigh! 1 thought you were holding
down a seat IN the Senate at Washing
tonw "No; had a streak of bad luck"
Flows that?" "Just as 1 got my legis-
lators rounded up for the final vote, my
bank failed" Comoner.
Mother Coming swiftly)-Why, Will
liel Striking your little sister! Willie
doggedly)-Auntie made me. Maiden
Aunt-Why, Willie! l said if you did
strike her would never kiss you again.
Willie (still doggedly)-Well, l couldn't
let no chance like that slip.-Tit-Bits.
A Jersey farmer visiting New York
stood looking at sign in bookstore
window: Dickens Works All This
Week for Two Dollars" oval" he re-
marked, my 'pinion is that that Dick
ems Teller is either mighty poor work
man or else he's COMPOUNDED hard up
for a job."-Boston Courier.
Kape shtill foive minutes, for the love
av hivn! Mrs. Kerrigan (six children,
crying and fighting)-Phat fer? Mr..
Kerrigan-Oi want to give this mOind-
cure book fair trial. OF want to see
can OF convince mesilf thot there is no
sech thing ez matrimony!-Puck.
Johnny" said the little fellows
mamma, 81 want to give you a piece Of
cake, but 1 can't find the key to the
pantry" That's all right, mamma"
replied bright little Johnny; 81 know
how to get it without key" That's
all 1 want to know" she said, as she
reached for the slipper.-Boston Cour-
| Ter.
What are you doing?" asked one of
his friends who had happened in. Il
am writing my resignation" replied the
professor of something or other in the
proprietary university. What are you
doing that for?" Because l am going
to make a speech this evening in which
1 shall probably express an independ-
ent opinion Chicago Tribune.
Rural Simplicity: Tourist Ito road
side country urchin)-Ah, my little
man! How brown and hearty you
look. 1 suppose you get up every morn
ing and drive the cows to water
Urchin-Don't have to. sir. Tourist
Why don't you have to, my lad? Urchin
Cause, after milkin' the cows we
drive the cans to water.-Boston Cour-
Ter.
Pooling the other passengers
"Clara, dear we've been careful so far
and don't think they suspect we are
just married; you must scold Inc lit
tie now as we get off the train
SHARPLY and in a high-pitched voice.
George, darling, when we get to the
hotel you must certain take off that
absurd elavender necktie!'-Chicagc
Tribune.
take my seat, madam" She tool
it. About ten minutes later she re
marked: "Thank you, sir. l would
have said it sooner, but the last man
thanked for giving me his seat ina crowd
ed car had only got up because he want
ed to get off the car, and felt that ht
had won my gratitude under false pre-