davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
QUEEN ELIzABETH's FAULTS.
She Was Very Vain and InOrdinate1,
Fond of Fine Dress

She Was Very Vain and InOrdinate1y
Fond of Fine Dress
Yet Elizabeth was never really sue
cessful with her wardrobe as a more
feminine woman might have been.
Her dresses were never beautiful, only
ludicrously and most inappropriately
magnificent; laden with jewels, weight
ed down with cloth Of gold, stiff with
silver embroidery, and so heavy that
even her big, powerful frame must
without supporting vanity have felt
the fatigue of carrying them about.
Elizabeth was certainly vain, but she
cannot claim feminlnity merely on that
account, for vanity Is by no means an
exclusively feminine Characteristic;
there are perhaps more vain women
than vain men, because women have
more leisure, and their costumes afford
greater opportunities for vanity than
the strangely hideous clothing which
custom has arranged for men; but no
thoughtful feminine) observer can
uVubt .ti4at a vain tudH bhdh
vain womanl
Elizabeth's hands were her especial
pride, and, judging from her portraits,
they were certainly beautiful; they
were laden with jewels, and it was her
habit in public to pull her rings off
with absent artlessness, and push them
on again, moving those White hands
about in the most obvious way. Once,
during the grave consideration of
state paper, where In her cold sagacity
never took second place, she inter-
frupted the discussion to ask whether
the Due d'Aniou, who was at one time
one of her sultors, had been told what
a getty foot she had, and how white
and we'll rounded was her arm? This,
in the woman who financed the Armada
with hard-headed economy, who dared
the superstitious terrors of her own
conscience in her high handed and i'm
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
Good story on Senator Jones

They are telling this story in Wash
ington about Senator Jones Of Arkan
sas, chairman of the Democratic Ma
tional Committee, who is a member oil
the Humane Society. and wears a
badge that entities him to investigate
the condition of any animal that ap-
pears to be i'll treated. One day as be
came down from the Capitol he in
spected team that was standing by
the curb.
Here, your shouted the driver,
"what are you doing there feeling
about that horses neck?"
Pm an officer of the Humane Socie-
ty." replied Senator Jones, mildly, "and
| want to see if this collar fits this
horse"
We'll" snarled the driver. 'if that
collar don't fit that horse any better
than your collar fits you, you Just run
along and get cop and have me ar
rested"
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

would hold us up until you could es-
tabllsh a paying practice. Now, don't
be silly"
Nelly" he said solemnly, 81 cannot
afford to marry now. People would
say that married you for your money,
and don't intend to put myself In a
position where such motive could be
imputed to me. 1t would be unjust to
me and you"
"Well, Jim," and there were tears in
her voice, Il don't think you are acting
fairly toward me, Here am an or
phan, with nobody on earth to love ex-
cept you so that life without you will
be worse than no life at all, and now
you say you cannot marry me until you
make what it took my father life
time to accumulate. Why, by that
time, I'll have wrinkles and maybe
false teeth and glasses, and be hor-
rid, snuffy, fussy old woman"
mo, Nell, don't want to make $780,
900. If had 100000 1t would be all
right And it will not take long. Out
West will make 1t quickly. just you
stand fast and wait for me-"
"Oh, I'll wait, but l think you are
hateful and pigheaded just the same.
Would you marry me If hadn't any
money at all?"
"Yes, gladly, and we would be happy,
too. You would manage somehow.
But now my self-respect will not allow
me-"
fortune and at the same time peace
with his unduly-active conscience. To
his utter disgust he found. after a
years prospecting, that gold mines
were not at all plentiful, and that every
foot of the mountains had been pros
pected over time and again. A year
in Mexico assured him that the business
of finding silver mines lying around
loose had also played out long ago, and
that it took lots Of capital to start
ranching on paying basis. Funds
were getting low, so he secured place
as one of the herdsmen of the xxx
outfit, and on account of his grave de-
meanor was promptly named by the
other cowpunchers Sorrowful jim.
And the name stuck to him.
During all his wanderings he had
written to Nell as regularly as possi-
BILE, and had begun to regret in a
measure his puritanical conscience.
At $40 a month and grub he did not
see that fortune was in immediate
prospect. Absence had indeed made
his heart grow fonder, and he longed
for a sight of Nell's laughing eyes and
dimpled face.
Yet he would not acknowledge him
self beaten or that he would give in.
Much against his inclination he re-
maIned consumed with a desire to see
her, yet impelled to remain in stiff
necked pride. acting as avant courier
and escort for a lot of wild-eyed, long
horned steers. all the while cursing
himself for fool So he and the rest
of the outfit did not have much in COM
mon together, and he grew more and
more unsoclable and lonely.
Small wonder was ii, then, that when
he received letter from her he felt
that his voluntary exile was broken.
His penance was done. and he was
free ts return to civilization and Nelly.
You come on, Jim, dear" the letter
saId-"that is, of course, If you care to
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

pudent treatment of the bishops, whose
interest in methods Of torture for state
prisoners was most mechanical and in
telligent, entirely unhampered by any
squeamish feminine hesitation as to
blood or paints most curious. In
connection with this last characteristic
Of cruelty, vanity is not at all unprece-
dented. Indeed, If one observe closely,
one will notice that excessively vain
persons have almost always o strange
inclination toward cruelty. The ae-
counts OF what Queen Ellzabeth per-
mitted and indeed commanded in this
respect will hardly bear reading by us
sensitive folk to-day Margaret Deland
in Harper's Bazaar.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
Al Plain 10 Him Now.

"Here," said the foreman of the press
room, leading his visitors into another
apartment, are the great presses. The
matter is stereotyped in the form OF
curved plates, these are placed on the
cylinders, and as they revolve they
leave their impression on the paper that
unwnds from that huge roll at the back
of the press"
81 see now" remarked one Of the vis'
itors, person Of much sagacity, what
is meant when we read Of an item going
the rounds Of the press"
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
LOGAN EQUESTRIAN STATUE IN WASHINGTON.

unveiled Washing
with impressive ceremonies handsome addition to the monuments Of the
Franklin Simmons
memorials the
hvee n
OF in made
exhibition Rome viewed with curiosity by thousands
knighted Mr. Simmons
height side
renng Gen Logan consultation with the officers OF his command These
Of namely
Blair and Strong On
taking oath
Grouped
Cuom Conkng Morton Miller voorhees, and
living Dodge and Senator Cuom
pedestal ideal figure about fesze
the other figure
Preservation the Union These egoa figures beau
Surmonng
the which 14a feet in height Gen
his sword unshhd
The generals
the whole impression given by
the dignity, beauty and f "a
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

take an almost doweriess bride.
have now only enough left to bring me
In $500 a year-exactly what you had.
do not own another thing on earth.
| had concluded that the money with
out you was not worth having, and as
long as you are so stubborn about 1t I
saw that must give In, so have done
SO gladly. | have got to be "a, as you
know, and have absolute control over
nay property. So, In order to get you,
| have given away my fortune
"You have cost me nearly 100000,
SO I'm of the opinion that you had bet
ter come on and deliver yourself up as
victim. don't propose to tell you
another thing about it, as you have no
right to know now. After-after- oh,
WELL some time | will tell you what
did with the rest of the money, but just
now it Is no affair of yours. You will
simply have to take my word for it.
Come on, Jim. ] am anxious to see
you"
So it was that Jim was so happy. He
had only two days more to wait; then
he would get his months wages. He
had $400 saved up, and he reflected
that he and Nelly would manage to get
along on that for a while. His pride
was riding rampant, also, and his con-
science was very self-satislied, indeed,
for had he not held out against the al
lurements of beauty, wealth, position,
ease-everything? 1t was victory well
worth rejoicing for.
The ceremony was over, the few inti-
mate friends had taken their departure,
and Jim and Nell looked at each other
in bewildered sort of way.
Il think we ought to take trip, Jim.
I'm so deadly tired of this place. /
don't know what to do. Let's 60 to
Europe. I've always wanted to go
there"
'Nell, are you crazy? l can't afford
a trip to Europe, and you know it. And
you haven't any money, either, so how
are we to go?'
II think it very unkind of a person
of your wealth to be taunting me with
my poverty. For a man as rich as
you, l think you are undoubtedly
close Her eyes twinkled merrily.
81 want TO go to Europe, and now I've
got you to go with me you ought to be
glad of the opportunity"
Nell, dear, if | could afford it you
know would be delighted to take
you"
well, you can afford it"
Il tell you | cannot"
81 know better-you can. Why, just
look at these" and she handed him a
bundle of books and papers, He
picked up the first one and read the
inside page: First National Bank, in
account with James NJ. Allyn. De
posted May 1, $4,000; May o. $4,000;
May u, $4,000"
What does this mean, Nellr he
asked wonderfully as he looked at an
other book and read: Received May
9. bonds, mortgages, stocks and securi-
ties duly transferred and assigned to
James NJ. Allyn, and aggregatlng $780,
600, and more particularly described
as follows: The Trust and Safe De-
posit Company. Nell was hugely
enjoying the situation. She seated
herself on the arm of the chair and
said;
'eYou dear old stupid, mulish, stub
born thing. told you the truth, for
gave everything owned to you before
l wrote that letter. told the truth,
for reserved just enough to bring me
$500 a year"
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

every we'll" said she, in a huff "all is
over between US. III thank you to re.
turn my letters"
"All right" said he, "Ill send them
to you the first thing in the morning"
"Oh, there's no killing hurry Sup
pose you-er--bring them with you
when you call tomorrow evening"
Philadelphia Press.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

upset a glass of milk over Mr.. Hen
ming while he was at the hotel
Although confused over the accident,
the pretty waitress apologized so grace
fully that the heart of the stranger was
touched. and he decided then and there
to lay siege to the young woman's
heart. That he succeeded is evidenced
by the wedding which has since been
solemnized Mrs Henning is % years
old and is very pretty. She is an or
Dhan
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
An Unknown species.

''The homely girl is unknown in jour
nallsm," said the talkative critic. IL
have never found her getting married.
dying, being murdered, run over, in
jured in any way, entertaining or being
entertained or anything else. 1t is al
ways her ine-looking, pretty or hand
some sisters that figure in all Of these
things"
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

"Well, I'll be-" She kissed him and
stopped the word. .as
"Are you going TO Europe?" she
asked.
"Yes. think would enjoy the
trip myself, but don't you think you
paid too much for me?"
"Oh, | don't know Not so long as
you are nice as you are now. Come
on. Let's get ready and catch the
steamer leaving tomorrow evening"
Yonkers Statesman.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
Unneiehborly.

Hoax-You're fine fellow!
J9ax-What's the matter?
you've given your wife a twenty
five-dollar bonnet"
"Well, you don't have to pay for it,
''No; but l have to pay for another
one just like 1t for my wife. .''-Philadel.
phia Record.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

Strange thing happened to the
Widow Jones. An old bachelor friend
said she looked younger than she did
twenty years before"
1T was doubtless a well-meant com.
pliment."
But it came as such a surprise to her
that her hair turned black that same
night Philadelphia Times.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

He-l have been longing for this mo-
ment, Miss F'lossie, when / can lay NV
burning heart at your feet
Flossie-oh, it's very kind of you.
My feet are so cold!-Ally Sloper.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
Easily Adjuste I.

Pardon me-" said the busy man to
the insurance agent who had forced
his way into his office, but I'm not pre-
pared to talk to you to-day"
Don't let that worry you,' replied
the insurance agent I'm do the talk.
ing.-Philadelphia Press.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
Poor Fellow

Mrs. Houskeep-Now, you've had
your dinner, will you saw some wood
for me?
Wragson Tatters-Say, lady, I'm
afraid!
Mrs. Houskeep-Afraid of work, 1
suppose?
Wragson Tatters-It isn't that, lady;
but I'm kleptomaniac, an I'm afraid
I'd steal the saw!-Philadelphi Press.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
ne,d settle Old Scores.

Tommy-O! ouch! Stop that!
Mamma-Why, Tommy, aren't you
ashamed? wouldn't cry that way If it
was my hair that was being combed,
Tommy (iercelyl-I'll bet you would
If l was doin' the combing Philadel-
phla Press.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
Not the Same Wood.

Lady-Come back here! You prom
ised to saw some wood If l gave you
your dinner.
Tramp-Madam, l had reference to
another lady's wood farther up the
road. Good day.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

Eaton-These hot cakes are not as
large as those | got here few days
ago.
Waiter-No? Well, you see, these
are flannel cakes, and flannel will
shrink. Philadelphia Record.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
why She Discarded Him

Don't despair, Edward, even If faith
er does say you'll be young enough to
marry five years from now"
"Oh, don't care for myself, but how
about youT-Philadelphia Times.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

1--WE got a great scheme" said he 81
shall get rich at It,"
"Again2' asked his friend, who knew
the usual results Of his schemes.
20, this will pay. I'm going to take a
large consignment of mice to Kansas
and sell them to saloonkeepers at S. a
dozen, ,"-Plttsburg Chronicle Telc-
graph.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
Can't Last Forever.

Hopley-What seems to trouble your
baby?
Popley (wearilyl-I suppose it trou-
bles him to think that eventually he'll
have to go to sleep at night.-Philadel-
mia Press,
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
A Profession for Him.

Fond Mother (of delicate dude)-I
think it is time Clarence selected a
profession. What would you advise?
Old Gent (rehectively)-He might do
nicely as a typewriter girl.-New York
Weekly.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

Daughter that young Perkins who
comes here seems very patient ad-
mirer.7
"Oh, yes, pa; he's awfully patient
but he isn't bit persevering."
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
OHIO MANS ROMANCE.

Gains a Wife Through Pretty Dining
Room Girls Mishap.
A few weeks ago Miss Ethlyn Fisher
was a dining room girl in hotel in
Williamsport, Pa, but she is now Mrs.
Earl w. Henning. wife of a wealthy
manufacturer Of Massillon. Ohio. Their
acquaintance dated from a mlshap in
the dining room, when Miss Fisher
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
Osteutation.

Nell-AIrs. Newrlch wants to impress
everybody with her wealth.
Believes, she never puts less than a
cent stamp on her letters.-Philadel.
phla Record.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
IRIS SUNSHINE AND MUSIC.
A laugh is just like sunshine,

A laugh is just like sunshine,
1t freshens all the day,
II tips the peak Of life with light
And drives the clouds away;
The soul grows glad that hears it.
And feels its courage strong
A laugh is Just like sunshine
For cheering folks along.
A laugh is just like music,
1t fingers in the heart,
And where its melody is heard
The ills of life depart;
And happy thoughts come crowding
bs joyful notes to greet
A laugh is just like music
For making living sweetl
st. Louis Republic. a
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

His Friend-Your son is home from
college, is he? 1t must give young
man lot of mental trainin'.
The Farmer-Well, he don't seem to
be overturned. Puck.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
why Did HEP

Alex. smart-Say, didn't Henpeck
know his wife before he married her?
Numskull-Why, certainly he did!
Alex. Smart-Then why did he marry
her?-Ohio State Journal
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

Yabsley-I wish l could break my
wife of the habit of presenting me with
cigars every opportunity she gets.
Jollyboy-Do as | do. Smoke them in
the hOuse.-Brooklyn Life.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
A Cautious Parrot.

Fair Vlsitor-What a lovely parrot!
TO parrot Polly want craeker2
Polly (cautiously)-Did you make It
urself?--What to Eat.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

Indignant Ike-Dat cur o. yourn bit
me, lady. WOt ker goin' to do bout it?
Housewife-Oh, l shan't do anything
for him, but just let him die. We were
going to poison him anyway!
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
How do you manage it?"


Mrs. Polkadot-She is a fine nurse
isn't she?
Mrs. Pahducah-Ideal Why. I can
go for days without even seeing the
children.-Brooklyn Life.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

After young man has called on a
girl as often as three times. she begins
to beg her mother for a half dollar to
go and have her fortune told.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.

Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World over-Sayings that Are Cheer
full 10 Ola or Young -Fuuay selec-
tions that Everybody VIII Enjoy.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

The man who talks about the wealth
er in a very low, confidential voice
never had a secret in his life important
enough to keep from his wife.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

Funnyboy-This weather ought to be
boiledl
Growler- Boiledl Why boiled?
Funnyboy-Because it's so raw!--Ally
glonpr
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

I've turned highwayman," chuckled
the sofa.
"What!' exclaimed the chair.
Yes. held a couple up last night" /"
Philadelphia Record.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
Takiug a Mean Advontape,

ITS got So" the man in the brown
jean suit was saying, that you can't
trust anybody these days. saw an
advertisement of man in the East that
said for 10 cents he'd send book OF
forty-fve pages of mighty spicy read
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

When a man gets angry his reason
takes short vacation.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

RepOrter-Young Scribbler has gone
on terrible bat; his best girl rejected
him
Editor -Unaccompanied by stamps, |
suppose.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

"Of course / am master in my own
house, said Mr.. Meekton a little in
dlgnantly.
How do you manage it|
Il tell Henrietta to do Just what she
pleases. And she goes ahead and does
Washington Star.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

First Visitor-W Whuts that fer?
Second Vsitor-Guess it's to pass
Missouri River water through before
drinking.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
At a brooklyn MusicaIe.

ITS funny that you should be so tall.
Your brother, the artist, is short, isn't
he?"
He (absently)-Yes, usually Brook
lyn Life.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
Accident.

Wiggles-There was a man hurt in a
French duel once.
Waggles--Really?
Wiggles-Yes; one of the seconds fell
out of the tree into which he had
climbed for safety. -Somervllle Jour-
nal
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

Any act is meritorious that is not
misft.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

WELL" they asked him, what did
you get when you sent the 10 centsT
"A catalogue of spice mill, by goshw
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

!. 49,. .. 49,. s......:::
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03

would hold us up until you could es-
tabllsh paying practice. Now, don't
he silly"
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-05-03
VVVVWVVVVVVWV VVWWWVVVVVVN
GOOD
Short Stories
~@%~%%~~%%%~@@~@@@%%~~%%$

When that very limited monarch,
Louis-Phllippe, was asked to pardon
Barbes, he replied: "He has my par
don; now l will see II 1 can get him
that Of my minister's"
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1901-04-18
ENTERTxfINM ENTS.

l
The announcement that 1.-THE Belle of
New York" with most of the original
cast, after its two years run in Lon
| don under the direction of George w.
Lederer, is to appear at the Hyperion, is
enough to turn the eyes of a horde of
playgoers to the theater. 1t is worth
while to narrate some of the remarka-
BILE things accomplished by this pecu-
liarly fortunate play. First of all, it
opened at the Casino as success. Its
tour through the United States was
both an artistic and financial success;
it was sent to London where it began
a career which will never be forgotten.
In single night it leaped into fame
1t really turned London topsy turvy
Its success continued until it has piled
up a record of over three thousand per-
formances in New York, London, South
Africa and Australia. At the Shaftes-
bury theater in London along it was
played GOT times, making a record ex-
ceeded only by Gilbert & Sullivan's
"Pinafore." 1t really set the fashion Of
musical comedy in England. Having
had a most successful return engage
ment recently at the Casino. its original
home, Manager Lederer has consented
to send this worlds record company out
for limited tour Miss Beulah Dodge