The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1901-11-12
HANK AND HIS MONEY |
BY HAYDEN cARRoUrH.

these parts" He was. When anything
| went wrong in the Briefly household the
old gentleman would begin to talk; and,
once started, he never stopped. If one
of the children broke the clothesline old
Hank would scold about it for six months.
| Not a good, lively, satisfying scold, but
smothered, growing, rumbling, nagging sort
Of scold, fitted to make saint throw up
his job. Brierly's best record was made in
the case of his wife's letting pot of lard
boil over and burn up window shade This
| happened in 1867: in 81 the miserable old
| reprobate was still throwing it up to
| her.
! Naturally old Hank was lavish of advice
and directions He never started for town
without leaving a mountain of instructions
for the rest OF the family big enough to
! fill small book. Part of this always was
| to beware of agents and other predatory
persons likely to be looking for money
| Indeed, he considered himself the only mem
| Der of the family who could with safety
| handle piece OF money. His constant adage
was: "A fool and his money are soon
parted" The coin which passed out of his
hand was foreordained to be in some way
| lost. When his wife went to town he ascer-
| tanned the smallest possible amount which
gave her half of together with the cheer
ing prediction that she would either lose it
outright or get euchered out of it in some
manner. The world, he was fond of OBJ
serving, was full of skullduggery; mighty
| few besides himself had the native gifts to
| cope with it.
Old Hank had a son, young Hank. OF
course young Hanks life was made bur
den to him. 1t never helped in the least
for him to say that he did chop down the
cherry tree--he heard about it just the
same long after another had grown in its
| place and was bearing cherries. He had the
absolute certainty that he must lose his
money dinned into his ears till he became
possessed of the notion that every coin had
shell, like June bug, and was on the point
of putting on pair Of tissue paper wings
and flying away.
One day when young Hank was about IA
old Hank decided on a most astonishing
move-nothing less than going to the circus
and taking the boy. He announced that lie
should let young Hank pay his own way
into the show with quarter which he had
earned so as to 'learn him the use of
money" to the end that he shouldn't grow
up into ''dod-gasted spendthrift like his
mother So they set off together for Haw
leyburg, old Hank first cautioning his wife
| to keep her wits about her if she had any,
and mot to pay no money to strangers, nor
go and get crazy spell and burn up no
winder curtains
| On the way to town old Hank admonished
the boy about every FIVE minutes to ''freeze
onto his money He himself had two one
dollar bills, and on arriving in town he
went to trusted storekeeper and got them
changed into small coin so that he might be
able to tender the exact sum in case of any
outlay at the circus, having, of course, no
faith in any showman's ever giving back the
grounds he said to young Hank:
where's your money!
fright here" answered the boy, indicat-
ing a trousers pocket.
What, loose?" went on old Hank.
yes
''Thunder and mud, sock your hand right
in and grab it! That's the only way to be
sure of money-keep it right in Your fist
and keep Your fist in your pocket. That's
the way I've got NINE and he pointed
with his other hand to his own bullying
pocket Hang on to that quarter Ikea dog
to a root if YOU want to get into the snow.
If you lose it, as you prob bly, will, don't go
! whining around expecting me to take you
in, cause | won't
They then began to moon about the
grounds waiting for the ticket wagon to
| open. Even after this had happened old
Hank kept shy OF it, thinking that perhaps
the price of tickets might be reduced, or
that they would get chance to slip under
the tent. There was tethered group OF
regulation circus horses. gorgeous as Easter
eggs. which had been used in the parade.
The two Hanks stood looking at them. In
his enthusiasm at their spottedness the boy
took his financial hand from his pocket Old
Hank detected the action instantly and
turned on him boiling with Indignation.
Get your hand into your pocket, You
i young jackanapes! Do you want to ruin me
with your carelessness, like your mother?
A fool and his money are soon
| One of the horses swung around sudden.
ly. almost against old Hank. He made
quick backward step, struck tent peg and
went down. Instinctively to save himself
he jerked his hand from his pocket violent.
| ly. That moment there rained two dollars
worth of small change among a neighboring
crowd of boys. While old tIank roared and
struggled to his feet willing hands gathered
up the money and-kept it. 1t was unhlial
on the part of young Hank. but he saw it
was the oHlI nope. l1ousiLS away among
the crowd, he bought histicliet and rushed
into the tent.
An hour later old Hank arrived home He
sat down on the leach and seemed lost in
thought.
BY and by his wife came out to empty
some dish water. and he said:
"Melvira, l wish you'd go over and tell
Squire Peters to come round this way"
'W'ot You want OF the squire!"
81 want to have Il guar-deen app nted l
want to take out Il dog license for myself.
and get brass collar and a tag. Then III
get a muzzle to wear, so | won't go like q
burned fool and eat up my tag!"
The French Equivalent.
A French Catholic was discussing some