davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10

IL AiSnCiiyu JOrOun -".rs ~.
Or. Llewellyn Jordan, Medical Examiner
Of U. S: Treasury Department, graduate Of
Columbia College, and who served three
years at West Point, has the following to
say of Peruna:
ALLOW me to express my gratitude
to you for the benefit derived from
your wonderful remedy. One short
month has brought forth a vast change
and | now consider myself a. we'll man
after months of suffering. Fellow
sufferers, Peruna will cure you"
Catarrh is a systemic disease curable
only by systematic treatment. A remedy
that cures catarrh must aim directly at
the depressed nerve %centers. This is what
Peruna does. Peruna Immediately invigor-
ates the perve-centers which give vitality to
the mucous membranes. Then catarrh dis.
appears. Then catarrh is permanently cured.
Peruna cures catarrh wherever located.
Peruna is not a guess nor an experimental
is an absolute scientific certainty. Peruna
has no substitutes-no rivals. Insist upon
having Peruna.
A free book written by DIR. Hartman,
on the subject of catarrh in its differ
ent phases and stages, will be sent free
to any address by The Peruna Medi.
cine Co.. Columbus, Ohio.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10
Tour of Puerto Rico.
A Resemblance

isn't Dur grocer s.lat eccentric? %
said Mr.. Snaggs to his wife.
eyes, and even his breakfast wheat is
cracked replied Mrs. Snaggs.-Pittsburgh
Chronicle Telegraph.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10

A feast fit for a king is not always fit for
a man who has to work for a living.-Puck.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10

Courtesy is a duty public servants owe to
the humb!est member Of pubiic.-Lord Lyt-
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10

Tess-"Jack tried to kiss me last night"
Jess-"1ndeed? Of course you resisted?"
Iess."Certainly; every time."-Phila.
delphia Press.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10

To Cure a Cold in One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund moneyifitfails TO cure. Csc,
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10

To put on style is often the cheapest way
to put off creditors.-Detroit Journal.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10

It is a great pity that we can't save money
without economizing.-Puck.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10

To those whose god is honor, disgrace
alone is sin.-A. W. Hare.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10

a grander military display than have
attended a ceremony of this character
for manV wears.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10

Father-"Where did you learn that new
piece!"' Daughter-"It isn't a new piece,
The piano has been uned."-Indianapolis
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10

The indianapolis gas canno.
be charged with stealing any red.hot stoves,
anyhow.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10
Not the Genuine Article.

Not the Article.
That girl is only an imitation Boston
girl Az.
What makes you think SOP"
"She says whom to- instead of to
whom. indianapolis Journal.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10

Nothing is more disgracefui than insin.
cerity.-Cicero.
The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-01-10

Mrs. Proudleigh-Yes, my daughter plays
the piano by ear entirely.
Mrs. Nexdoughre- Indeed? Sometimes
Baltimore American.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
A Kindly Joke.

Judge Braxfield. famous in England
for his love for hanging criminals,
when on circuit always put up near
Perth with a crony who was devoted
to chess. The laird had rather the bet
ter of his lordship at the game. In
the revolution of the circuits Braxfield
found himself trying his hospitable
friend. who had got awkwardly mixed
up in some abduction of cattle. The
evidence was clear, the panel was con
victed and the judge passed the solemn
sentence of death. Then. bending
down. he chuckled to the unfort innate
prisoner - the accommodation in the
provincial courts was cramped-"And
now, Donald. my friend, think I've
checkmated you for once" But Brax-
field delighted in kindly joke.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
comes back nit a long face und

he comes back NIT a long face und
says:
Hans, in two weeks we take in SIS
As your partner l vhas TO draw $40 per
week. You vhas to draw der same, but
ash we don't hat enough TO pay me
how can you get some"
do work two weeks for nottings?"
1 says.
''You do. You see how it vhas. We
hat assets, but we can't realize on 'em.
We owe debts und cannot pay. When
it vhas SO. sVe haf to fail. Dot firm of
Walkover Kleinfeldt vhas no longer
in peesness. We vhas failures und
shall take down der sign
"But how vhas my wages?'' | says.
You vhas a partner und don't hat
some wages coming to you"
But lends you some moneys"
Yes, but dot goes in NIT our assets
dot we can't realize on. 1t vhas all
right. Hans-all right Owing TO der
stringency of der money market, cou-
pied init der fact of a falling leather
market, der firm of Walkover & Klein
feldt goes by der wall und vhas wiped
out. Good night, Hans, und if you like
to be a motorman maybe can get you
shob."
Well. l almost hang myself. und my
wife faints AWAY. ! goes by dot leetle
tailor TO ask him how it vhas, und he
laughs in my face ind says:
80 der firm of Walkover & Klein
feldt yhas failures, Ell? Well. Hans,
dot vhas all right. You hat der expe-
rience, und Walkover haf der cash. und
maybe you don't hat to sandpaper your
head some morev' NJ. QUAD.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
MOST COSTLY OF DRUGS.
Some Sell Mt Retail For More Than
Their Weight In Gold.

1.-THE price of many drugs used in
medicine is astonishing to those who
are not acquainted with the subject"
remarked a druggist. There are sew
eral that are worth their weight in
gold about $50 an ounce. while So,
SIS or So an ounce are quite common
prices in pharmacy. l filled prescrip-
ton the other day that cost SD. But
there is one drug that | can recall
which is worth much more than its
weight in gold. That is pseudo physo-
stigmine. l don't think that il has a
popular name. 1t is too rich for that.
In the pharmacists list it is quoted at
81 a grain. or S43T.50 an ounce. The
seed from which the drug is made
grows in India and Brazil. as well as
in parts of South Africa. This seed,
tradition says, was once used by ma
tive chiefs as an ordeal. The ordeal
generally resulted in the death of the
man upon whom it was tried and SO
was considered as a great truth finder.
The prepared drug is sometimes used
now in prescriptions for the treatment
of heart disease.
Another drug which takes the palm
for costliness is, curiously enough, the
one which is perhaps the most widely
known by name of them all TO the gem
eral public-namely. musk. Its retail
price at the present moment is about
$50 an ounce. 5000 pound apothecary.
or 212 times the value of pure gold, -
carats fine 1t is obtained from the
musk deer, very rare animal. and is
contained in a follicle, of which there
is only one in each animal, so that an
ounce of the drug represents approXi-
mately one of these precious animals.
AS it is largely used for scent, the de-
mand constantly exceeds the supply,
and the price has been steadily adj
vancing There is no reason why it
should not 20 to $3.50 or $500 an ounce
during the next few years. as the musk
deer is gradually vanishing from the
face of the earth. kansas City Jour
nal
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
BEWARE OF THE STRAP.
A Possible source of Infection to
Those Who Ride In street Cars.

A Possible source of Infection to
Those Who Ride In street Cars.
The connection between the microbe
and the street car strap has frequently
been discussed and at least one recent
instance has proved somewhat distress
ingly that danger is likely TO Turk in the
piece of leather which helps TO support
so many women during the rush hours
of the day. 1t was TO protect a fresh
pair of white gloves that a New York
woman. compelled to stand, held her
handkerchief inside the strap while go
ing to the theater. On her way home
she was again compelled TO stand, and
once more the handkerchief came be-
tween her glove and the leather.
Whether it was after that or during
the evening at the theater that she
once thoughtlessly put the handker-
chief to her face is a detail that she
does not recall, but two days afterward
a pain ON her lip became so intolerable
that she was compelled to see a doctor
who found her suffering from incipient
blood poisoning, which it was already
too late for him TO prevent. The most
that he could do was TO watch her care
fully through a long attack of illness.
which at one time threatened to end
fatally.
He attributed this TO some poisonous
substance which had passed TO her
handkerchief from the strap. and that
was his diagnosis the moment he heard
the story of the ride on the cable car.
She fortunately recovered. and her ply
stefan thinks that the present disfigure
ment to her face which resulted from
the necessity of an operation will not
be permanent. The case has convinced
this physician. who is man of consid-
cradle experience in surgery. of the
dangers that Turk in the street car
strap.-New York Sun.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
Ono Imnrorident Fnmi1x.

The minister in an adjoining Tennes-
see town was very much wrought up
over the pitiful condition of parish
toner's family. He went to their home
and, finding they were almost starving,
decided that something should be done
for them. He accordingly solicited con-
tributions for their relief Receiving
a liberal response. he promptly turned
over the money to the suffering ones.
thinking that all would be we'll
The first thing they did. however,
was to go to the photographer of the
town and have a dozen pictures made
of each of the five members of the fam
lily, exhausting the amount, leaving
them in as bad condition as they were
before he had given them assistance
Memphis Scimitar.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
RrouEht Down the Hou.e.

On one occasion, when Arthur Rob
erts, the English actor, was performing
the part of Captain Crosstree in the
burlesque of BLACK Eyed Susan" at
Glasgow, he converted an awkward
contretemps into a hit. In one Of the
scenes Crosstree enters supposed TO be
inebriated and staggers about the
stage. In doing so Mr.. Roberts acct
dentally came in contact with the seen
cry of the inn. bringing the whole set
down. The curtain had TO be lowered,
and the vivacious comedian came to
the front and said. Ladies and gentle
men. you see when we come TO Glas-
gov we always bring down the house
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
A Life saved.

"There is sometimes a bit Of humor
connected with our business" said the
pawnbroker as he smiled for the first
time in a week. "For instance, one
evening about two months ago a man
came dashing in here and threw down
a small package and hoarsely ex-
claimed;
I'm driven to it at last My wife
is dying for want of food and medi-
cinel'
Il opened the parcel and found five
rhinestones reposing therein. and as |
looked up the man continued:
"'Quick. quick! l must yet save her
precious lifer
"'How much do you want?
"'Three hundred dollars
"'I'll give you 10 cents
"'Hand it over quick-come in for
the ticket tomorrow-doctor- medicine
food and a fire-God bless you. liberal
hearted man.
"Then out he went, and have never
seen him since and never expect to-"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
Trining with chnron.

Just as Charon was about to make
the ferry slip the ex-distiller nudged
him in the ribs.
IF it isn't too much trouble" said
the latter, Il wish you would put me
with the arrivals from Boston,
Put you are from st. Louis" pro-
tested Charon. Wouldn't you feel out
Of place among SO much culture:'
NO, indeed. | always feel ut home
in the midst OF refined spirits
Thereupon the ancient ferryman toss
ed the ex-distlller in the Styx-C ,hica-
90 News.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
: NOT BURIED AT SEA. :
The Humane French BOatman and
the Dead EngIishman.

A long expected French lugger was
seen making for the roadstead, and the
Lowestoft free traders were on the
alert. anXiously seeking an opportu-
nifty for communicating with her crew.
While they waited for a lapse of vigi-
lance on the part of the eXcisemen, a
boat was lowered from the lugger and
rowed toward the shore 4 curious
crowd of beach men and eXciSemen
assembled to meet her, and as she
came in on the crest of roller it was
observed that she contained coffin.
The French boatmen had a mournful
tale TO tell. On board the lugger had
been an Englishman suffering from an
Illness which soon proved fatal. In his
last moments of consciousness he had
begged the captain not TO bury him at
sea, but 70 keep his body until a rest
Ing place could be found for it under
the green turf of n churchyard In his
native land. Sympathy with his sad
fate and the knowledge that the lugger
was not far from the English coast
had induced the captain to consent.
and now lie had sent the body ashore
for burial In spite of his broken Eng
lish, the Frenchmen's spokesman told
his tale we'll
Both excsemen and beach men
especially the latter-loudly expressed
their admiration of the captains con-
duet. \ parson was summoned. and
in little while a mournful procession
made its way from the beach to the
ehurchyard. Even the chief officer of
the excisemen was present and is said
to have shed tears
That night the local 'Tesurrection-
lists" We're busy. and at dawn the
churchyard contained a desecrated
grave. 4 little way inland, however,
in the midst Of the marshes. SNUG
glers' store received the addition of a
coffin filed with silks and Lace
"Highways and Byways in East An
glia," W. \. Dutt.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
Inflammation Wanted.

Mr.. Clubman TO sergeant at police
statiom-l would like TO have an inter
view with that burglar you arrested for
breaking into my house last night.
Sergeant don't know that | can al
low you unless you first tell me what
you want TO see him about.
Mr.. Clubman-Oh, there's rothing Sc
cret about it. just wanted TO find out
how he got into my house so easily.
It's more than can do at nght.-Bos-
ton Courier.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30

GONE TO THE VERGE.
He Thought He Had Reached Friend
ships Limit.

snip
This young man is not so confding
as he was. and his ideas of friendship
are not so exalted. Yet he takes it
philosophically and is willing to place
a heavy credit in favor of experience.
Il started in a small way" he tells,
"and | had an idea that my business
would expand rapidly. But / find a
good many leaks and drains. OF course
you know Jones. He is my friend and
knows about horses. So when my one
horse went lame consulted him as be-
ing the one friend had who, thought,
could help me out
".Pretty bad shape he said as he
looked the nag over. Need him on
your delivery wagon. don't youT
81 need him or some other horse and
asked Jones what | could get for the
lame one He looked him over, felt
his legs. examined his eyes and teeth
and finally said that, being a friend Of
mine. he'd give me $40 for the horse. |
took IT, That same afternoon he sold
the horse for $50, a fact learned about
week later.
Now said Jones, I'm not the man
10 leave a friend in a scrape. I'll just
rustic around and find You another
horse
THANK you, but keep within hun
d-ed l can't afford to pay more
Next morning my friend showed up
with a horse he told me | could have
for sos. though he was really worth
more. He was sound, gentle, years
old. according to Jones.
He had bought that horse for 500
He had SPAWN and ringbone. was knee
sprung ana Is years old. So Jones had
made SIS off me and left me with one
Of the worst old crowbaits you ever
saw. I'm not saying much about it,,
for Jones is my friend. you know. But
an old codger that buys groceries from
me says friendship ceases in a horse
dicker. Detroit Free Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30

Needer Harekut-Ah. this world is
cold and unsympathetic. 1t is almost
impossible for us poets to make any
money nowadays.
Job Scumfiter-I think you're wrong
there. There's no prejudice against
poets. l know a man who engaged a
poet and gave him So a week to keep
the office clean and run errands.-Phil-
adelphia Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
HOW 1T HAPPENED.
A PugiEist Explains How He Was
Given Black Eye.

Given "A Black Eye.
l had gone into Boston gymnasium
TO inquire about a punching bag, and.
seeing a man there with a black eye,
asked if he had met with an accident
III tell you what's de matter wild
me-" he explained after a bit. Il was
a-boxin here two or three days ago wild
de ST. Joe Kid, as he calls hisself, and
he struck me foul and blackened me
eye. I'm a-layin for him here dis
mornin, and if he comes, say. I'll put
him to sleep in de middle of de first
round. I'll show YOU how he hit me"
He got up. pulled off his coat and
vest and pulled on a pair Of gloves, and
about this time | remarked:
I'm perfectly willing 10 take your
word for it. You needn't 90 to any
trouble TO demonstrate
"Oh, its no trouble tail. Come into
de ring and Ill show you how he did
it,"
but, you see, r.
Come into de ring. What's de use
want to know how de kid blackened
it?'
He had gone to considerable trouble
on my account and felt it was only
fair to step into the ring.
Now. den, put up yer dukes he
said as he squared off at me.
"But, my dear sir, | never
Put up yer dukes. DO you want
me to knock yer jaw off ut de very
first clip?"
1t looked TO me as if he was an only
child and not used TO being crossed,
and so put up my dukes to keep him
good natured.
Now prance around he said rs he
began to dance and skip and feint at
me.
whats the use?" l protested Il
can stand still while you explain mat
ters."
France" he yelled.
1t seemed policy to humor him in his
absurd theories, and so ] began pranc-
ing.
Oats de idea" he called as he dodg-
ed about. Now. den. hold yer right
little lower Oats it. Up little wild
yer left. Oats de way
"But l assure you, my dear fellow,
that didn't come here to-
Lead for me wild yer left"'
What for?'
Lead for me- | say, DO you want
to stand dere like a chump and let me
do all dc work =
| didn't want to hurt the young
man, but as he was willing to take the
risks | led for him. expected to knock
him head over heels, but he was still
circling around me after | got through
leading. This astonishing fact led me
to remark:
Il think | will go now. I've got TO be
down at the house in just II minutes
l can plainly see now how the kid
Swing yer right for me jaw!" he
yelled as his dancing and prancing
grew more vigorous.
but l don't want to break your
jaw"
Swing wild yer right
/ He had requested me to Kill him. and
l swung l was wondering what lie
coroners verdict would be when the
! roof fell in aud everything turned dark.
1t was eight minutes afterward, as a
small boy with a very honest face in
formed me. when | awoke and found
the roof all right. The boy and ! were
the only ones in the place. and he said
my jaw wouldn't bother me over two
weeks He was a good boy. lie rub
bed me with liniment. brought me a
glass Of brandy and afterward helped
me down stairs, called carriage and
told the driver what hospital to bring
up at. NJ. QUAD.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30

"Any idiot knows" said Rex the Rid
dler, that the real reason the Beers
sleep with their boots on is that they
want to keep De Wet from defeat But
can you tell me this: Why cannot
deaf and dumb man tickle nine wom-
en-? You'll never guess it. Give it up?
Well. deaf and dumb man can't tickle
nine women because he can only ges-
ticulate. ee?'-Exchange.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30

mo. dear. wouldn't invite Mrs.
Richie TO my wedding If were you.
You know. she's "A woman with past. "
Yes, mamma. but what does her
past matter when she's rich enough to
bring an elegant sentF''-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
His objection.

''The great actor objected to their
taking his name from the drama pro
gramme ana placing it on the list ~
burned cork stars"
- wonder why
lie said be didn't want to be black
listed. "-Chicago News.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
Evidence Of TrnthfuIness.

Judge ito female witnessl = Your
name. madam?
Witness-M Matilda Murphy, sir; aged
As.
Judge Well really! ITO the jury)
Gentlemen. you VIII be kind enough to
believe everything Miss Murphy has to
say.-Nuggets.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
sound Argument.

Arabella- George, dear, l want some
money.
George Why. gave you a check
yesterday.
Arabella-Y dear. l know. but the
doctor said l was to have plenty Of
chanse.- Pick-Me-Up.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30

/ tore my hair.
"Destinr is writ - | cried.

I tUIe my HHIF.
DESTINY is WRIT | cried.
""Well, the way you look at me any
body might think I'd said it was
wrote" whimpered the woman. my
wife. and burst into tears.
l knocked her head against the piano
and left the room, for after all she
was but n child, and could not find il
in my heart to be harsh with her.-De-
troit Journal.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
Inrrntitnhe

NO won't give you a piece Of my
apple" snapped MS sister
And who was l." the boy inquired
reproachfully. that spoiled the piano
so you didn't have TO practice for q
week Philadelphia Times.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
Chronic Constipation Cured.

The most important discovery of
recent years IS the positive remedy
for constipation. Cascarets Candy
Cathartic. Cure guaranteed. Genu-
inc tablets stamped {. c. c. Never
sold in bulk Druggists. I0c.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
Keep Your Bowels Strong.

Constipation or diarrhea when
your bowels are out Of order. Cas-
carets Candy Cathartic will make
them act naturally Genuine tablets
stamped c. c. {. Never sold in
bulk. All druggists, Ioc.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30

Old Lawyer-How are lou getting
alOng2
Young lawyer have one client.
Old Lawyer Is he wealthy
Young Lawyer-He was.-Spare Mo-
ments.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
neInted.

Il understand that Frailman has
come to the conclusion to contest his
wife's Will
We'll. what is there courageous
about that: She's dead, isn't sheF'-
Richmond Dispatch
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30

No man IS truly great until he is Will
ing to use q small word WHEN b. knows
big one that means the same ID ng.--
Chicago Record Herald
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30

boy who can save money.-Atchison
Globe.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30

"Ah. fraulein. this is a boE@etif11
place! The silver brook. with golden
grapes hanging over it. dew glistening
like diamonds on the leaves and the
emerald green of the fields
How poetic you are. Do you write
verses"
mo, frauleln; I'm a jewelerr
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
HANS LATEST DEAL.
HIS TIME He TAKES IN A BUSI-
NESS PARTNER.

To Put 1t More Correctly. However,
Ii should BE said That the Partner
Takes Him In, as the CObbIer Soon
Finds Out.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-05-30
I90l. by {. B. Lewis.l

! vhas sitting by der stole one day
pnd waiting for some shobs to come in
then a man come along und says:
s"yhell. cobbler, l see how she vhas
ntit you. You don't hat some peesness
you vhas no peesness man.
Maybe it vhas all right for Shermany,
but when you vhas in America you