Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1901-01-18
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AN ODD PREDICAMENT.
story of n Union Soldier who Couldn't
and Wouldn't Right
Dress.

"Did ever tell you the story of Hap
py Jack?" asked the captain in the Chi
chgo Inter Ocean. IF did it will bear
repeating. Jack came to our company
in May, 1861, with a Tommy Atkins air
of being Indifferent to, and superior to,
his surroundings. He was neatness
personified, and wore his clothes iaunt-
lily. He had a horror of untidiness, and
a mania for washing up. as he called it.
He lisped in conversation, could not
sound his RS, and was one of the few
men in the regiment who could talk
familiarly or jocularly with the regi-
mental officers. Every one listened in
amused liberation to Jacks remarks,
and the man whose gun was always in
good order and whose clothes were al
ways clean was a general favorite.
I'm the summer or early fall of 1863
Jack was in great distress of mind.
The steady marching over dusty roads
and the rough climbing in the noun
tains gave him no time to mend or
wash. and for the first time in the serv-
ice Jacks clothes were dirty. He said
he felt like a white horse up 10 the mid
die in the ooze of a black swamp and
talked a good deal about deserving or
shooting himself. But the command
ing general sent us on most trying
marches. many of them in pursuit of
an evasive but alert enemy.
"One day, after hard pull over the
rough country we turned into a wood
ed valley, and were halted on the banks
Of a considerable stream. Arms were
stacked. and the men were informed
that, while they might rest at will, no
Itraggling would be permitted, as an
engagement with the enemy was eX
oected. This was an old story to the
boys, and they freely expressed the
opinion that there wasn't reb within
20 miles of us. In fact, there were no
signs of a hostile army. The woods
we're quiet as the pastures at home. and
the little river was a sore temptation
10 Jack, who decided, against the ad-
Vice of the orderly, to wash up.
"He was informed that the regiment
might remain where it was five min
ntes, five hours. or five days, and that
he would wash his clothes at his own
risk. In five minutes Jack had re-
moved his shirt, drawers and stockings,
and, clad in blouse, trousers and shoes,
was hurriedly washing his underwear.
He hung the articles on the brush to
dry and still there were no signs of
trouble. Then Jack removed his blouse
and washed that, and. after a moments
hesitation. removed his trousers and
washed them. This left him wearing
only hat and shoes. and the boys put
In the time chatting him on his appear
ance.
Jack, to appease the irritated cap
tain. explained that in a few minutes
his underclothing would be dry enough
to puff on. and that, dressed in shirt
drawers and shoes, he would be ready
for business. Then little later he
would put on trousers and blouse, and
be the cleanest man in the company.
And things seemed to be going jack
way. The men were at dinner and
Jack was tantalizingly calling their at
tention to his layout of clean clothes,
when there was rapid firing on the
picket line, and the pickets came in al
most neck and neck with a charging
rebel line.
Men dropped hardtack and haver-
sacks, and jumped into line to take
their rifles. Jack hesitated a moment,
then. buckling his cartridge belt about
his naked body, took his place in line.
and his rifle spoke with the Others that
checked the confederate advance. Jack
hoped he would now have time to grab