davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Never Can Satisfy Them.

"The idea of a man holding one
Office entering upon the campaign for
another onew exclaimed the politi-
clan. Its outrageous. He can't
help using his official position to ad-
vance his own interests.
"But the man in question has just
resigned.
What Resigned! Well, that's a
despicable trick to gain public favor!
l didn't think he would do such a
thing. Chicago Post.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Willing to Chance II.

He was obviously anxious, and she
seemed almost willing.
II shall refer you to papa" said
she, with a becoming blush ..before
giving you final answer. -
"But I am perfectly willing to take
you without any references, said he
magnanimously.- y.-Indianapolis News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
If With That Tongue He Cannot Win.

Mrs. Dawn-You hateful thing.
You told Millie Meadows you only
wished you were single again.
Mr.. Dawn with happy inspiration J
OF course I did. It was only that
I might experience once again the JOY
/ felt when you accepted me, darling.
Mrs. Dawn-You dear boyI I knew
you couldn't be so cruel.-Tit-Bits
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Muscles,

Human beings have six muscles to
each eye, that they may move it on
either side, but horses, COWS. sheep,
and other quadrupeds, which habit
ually incline their heads to the
ground in search of food, have a mus
Gle by which their eyelids are sus-
pended and supported, and which we
do not need.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
DEAFNESS CANNOT BE CURED

By local applications, az they cannot reach the
diseased portion of the ear. There is only one
way to cure deafness, and that is by constitu-
tional remedies. Deafness il caused by an in
famed condition OF the mucous lining of the
Eustachian Tube. When this tube gets in
famed you have rumbling sound or imper-
feet hearing, and when it 10 entirely closed
deafness is the result, and unless the infamma-
ton can be taken out and this tube restored to
its normal condition, hearing will be destroyed
forever; nine cases out OF ten are caused by
catarrh, which is nothing but an infamed
condition of the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any
case of Deafness (caused by oatarrh) that can
not be cured by Halls Catarrh Cure. Send for
circulars, free.
Sold by Druggists, 75c
HALLS Family Pills are the best.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Tireson.

."T'm SO tired" she sighed to the
woman next door.
"What have you been doing?"
"I've been the last four hours at
the photographers having an instan-
taneous picture of the baby taken"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Sold by Druggists, 75c
Halls Family Pills are the best.
Sad Affair.

81 hear they give Hank cross ex-
animation in that trial up town.
Eyes, and I can't see why they
needed to be cross about it. Hank s
the best natured cuss I ever see. -
Chicago News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Her Reason.

''Did you ever try any of these
health foods?" the sympathetic
friend asked of the dyspeptic lady.
Yes" she replied. "and I'm not
going to eat any more of them.'
"Why not?"
because they spoil my appetite. I"
Cleveland Plaindealer.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Canceling Postage stamps.

The method Of cancelling postage
stamps in vogue throughout the world
was instituted by the French Govern
ment in 1880, but was not adopted by
this country until comparatively recent
years. s.-Washington Times.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
His Preference.

Would you rather have something
else than piece of pie?" asked the
kind neighbor of little Freddie, who
had run an errand for her.
Eyes, ma am, said Freddie,
promptly ST wu'd ruther have two
pieces. Ohio State Journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
A Woman's Reason.

''How did you happen to insure in
that particular company?"
81 consulted the wishes of my
wife,"
:''Of course; that's very praisworthy.
But-does she know anything about
life insurance companies?"
"Yes. She investigated and found
that this one always issues the pref
tiest calendars. Tit Bits.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Misgivings.

"That was very lucid document
you prepared" said the friend.
"Yes," answered the statesman dubi-
ously. 81 made it SO lucid that l am
afraid the public will fail to regard it
as able and profound. Washing
Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
CURE SICK HEADACHE.
No Deferred PAYMENTS.

"Is your daughter learning to play
by note?"
Certainly not, answered Mrs.
Comrox, little Indignantly. I'VE
pay cash for every lesson. The idea %
Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Yery True

How do people enjoy trolley rides
in such crowded cars?"
Oh, everybody is buoyed up by the
expectation that everybody else will
get off at the next corner. Chicago
Record Herald.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
The Habit.

Tess-oh, she's the girl who used to
go arond in the riding habit all the
time.
Jess-Yes; but she's got the auto
mobile habit now.
Tess-That SO? What is it?
Jess-Running over people every
chance she gets.-Philadelphia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Her Predicament.

Mamie-I think Mr.. Crustleigh is
just too mean for anything.
Fannye-But he married your
mamma.
Mamie-I know he did. / Tilted
him for Harold, then he married
mamma, and now he won't let me
marry Harold. Baltimore American.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Hoist BY His Own Petard.

BilIer Ito Stark, with perambulat-
or)-Hello! That your baby?
Stark Crying to be smart)-No, it's
one borrowed from a neighbor.
Biller-So? It's a homeiy little
brute, isn't it?-Boston Transcript.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
A Poser for Him.

He-I have always said that I
would not marry girl who was
stupid.
She-But how are you going to
know?-Town and Country.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Diplomacy.

First Boy-It's 6 O'Clock. Let's go
home.
Second Boy-Nit! If we go home
now We'll get licked for stayin' so
late. Ii we stay till 8 we'll git
hugged and kissed for not bein,
drowned.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Injection OF Humber piles.

Experienced lumbermen say that in
the process of seasoning wood should
be occasionally replied and decayed or
defective pieces removed. lest they in
feet the others.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08

''What very heavy voice he hasl
s'Yes; but he is able to lift it in
his own defense. "-Philadelphia
Evening Bulletin.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
ExcusabIe.

First sheep-But the young folks
are SO giddy and thoughtless! They
don It consider the future!
Second Sheep-Oh, we'll, my dear,
you can't expect young lamb to
spend all his time thinking of roast
mutton Puck.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Lost a Friend.

Fond Parent-Isn' It he fine little
chap?
Prize Idiot-Rummy little shrimp,
1 call it. How long have you had it?
Punch.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Well Up in Art.

81 hear he is we'll up in art.
eyes. His studio is on the top
floor, and his paintings are always
skied. Judge.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08

Take Natures remedy, Garfield Tea! mex
25c. 1t is composed of medicinal HERBS, not
mineral poisons. It cures constipation and
sick headache, kidney and liver diseases.
Good for all.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Not Friends.

Kind Lady-Poor Fellow, have you
got no friends?
Hap Hazzard-No, mum; I hahn t
got nobody but relatives. Tit Bits.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08

The Best Prescription for Malaria
Ehills and Fever Is bottle of Groves Tasteless
Chill Tonic. 1t is simply iron and quinine in
q tasteless form. No Cure, No Pay Price SOC
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Three a Day.

Tourist in Ireland Ito rural postman)
How many mails have you here in
the day?
Three-breakfast, dinner and tay."
London Fun.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08

So Nice to Eat, So Mild, So Effective.
To take medicine is a pleasure, when the
medicine is Cascarets Candy Cathartic, the
only modern laxative fit to be used. All drug
gists, 1Oc, 25c, SOC.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08

ETC Permanently Cured. No fits or nervousness
bIV after first days of Dr. Klne's Great Nerve
Restorer Send for FREE s. 90 trial bottle and treat
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08

BROOKLYN, N. Y, Sept. 3O.-Information
has been received regarding the wonderful
ders; people everywhere are using them and
writing the manufacturers of the good results
obtained.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08

TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. AL
druggists refund the money if it fails to cure.
G. W. Groves signature is on each box. Csc.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Hoods Jdrsdp0riLL0

Promises to cure and keeps the
promise. Don't put off treatment.
Buy a bottle of Hoods today.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08

Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Sooth-
Ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their
children during the teething period.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08

Piso's Cure for Consumption is an infal-
libie medicine for coughs and colds.-N.
W. SAMUEL. Ocean Grove, N. j., Feb. II,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Patents Procx,rees.

Prompt. Efficient and Satisfactory Service.
Attorneys fee not payable till patent granted
Try US. Taber & Whitman Co., 3s-4O Warder
Bldg. Washington, D. C.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
No Sea.hore Engagement.

She-Yor proposal of marriage was
quite unexpected.
He-So much the better.
She-Why, pray?
He-Because it is the unexpected
that usually happens.-Chicago News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
In the Future.

First Billionaire's son-What did
you get for yor birthday?
Second Billionaire's Son-I got a
railroad.
''That's nothing. I got whole
system. Life.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
1t Was Possible.

Clara-You haven't seen my en-
gagement ring yet, have you?
Made-I don't know. Who is the
man?-Town and Country.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TAKING
When you take Groves Tasteless Chill Tonic
because the formula is plainly printed on every
bottle showing that it is simply Iron and Qui-
nine In tasteless form. No Cure. Ne Pay. Soc
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
Reason for II.

:tBut the gown doesn't fit, 3" insisted
the patron.
THAT" replied the modiste calmly,
sis because you are not made right. i"
Chicago Post.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
n. ?. h. ..
Ne. 4o-1soI.

WHEN writing to advertisers please
W mention this papeE.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
WOn,0z, Must
Sleep.

AVOE0 W0PVO0S PS'0Stssafl0k1s
If you are dangerously sick what is
the first duty of your physician He
quiets the nervous system, he deadens
the pain, and you sleep well.
You ought to know that when you
ceased to be regular in your courses,
grow irritable without cause, and
pass sleepless nights, there is serious
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-10-08
SSSSoSS SSoss,a fs1S AZ SESesgs Sessg gSs:a.s a1d
A Strong Man.

Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablets cure cold 1
one day. No cure, No Pay. Price 25 cents
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-01-28
l7 s3- -7 7s7,.l ls7, \, -Iss, Is N . 2 z
 SsNtY DAD AN. ME q

Seems nke- everything want ter do. My dad. he 1as' don't want me to; Says footballs dang reus. and that he Can't see why I should always be A-thipkin' of my bat an ball., An runnin' when the fellsrs call Dad says h11-ddn an pras'ners base Is fooliehneas, an that ter chase An tear around an climb an yell Has jes' got ter be broke up a spell. He got ter. work, dad says, at ten, An that's the way ter train up men. Things has changed some since those
 days,
 'Cspt dads ideas an they jest stays. An so somehow we can't agree,
 My dad an me. Bob Hunters dad. he takes him out Through woods an fields an all about, An shows him how ter shoot an fish, An how ter swim. By Kol, wish That dad would take me that away Jes' kind O chummfn' fer day. Bob Hunter he jes' knows a pile His dad has showed him; guess you'd
 smile
 Ter hear him tell O birds and things: Why tip-ups teeter an the robin sings Jes' where to find the ole mushrat, An lots of queer things more'n that. Bob Hunters father, he knows boys, But dad, he don't; won't stand their
 noise.
 I guess that's why we can't agree,
 My dad an me. 7. Bob's father. he jes Jumps right in: ' Plays ball an slams 'en in like sin, An laughs at us when we get mad, An jokes us till we wish We had Jes' held our tempers same as he, When we smash back He says that we Are bound ter git knocked when we're
 men, An 1aughin' now at bumps, why when We all grow up we won't mind much What he calls the eeualizin touch Of nature; Bob's dad says. Wish mine Would fool an, talk that way: it's fine. Yer git ter know yer dad, an he knows
 you,
 An ain't forgot he was young, too. But dad don't, so we don't agree, <
 My dad an me. Waldo, in Good Housekeeping. ]
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-01-28

crowd at the Union station in St. Louis. the other night. MT. and Mrs. G. B. George. of Fort Worth, Tex, and Mrs. J. c. Coleman. of Atlanta, Ga, their babies and colored nurses played the parts in the scene.
 The Colemans wanted to leave at s:1o p. m.; the Georges at 9:1o. Mean- time each couple had decided to dine up town. The nurses were left with the babies in the waitingsroom.
 ''I'se gwine to Chicago said Geors siania.
 "Ise gwine there, too,'' replied Suss anna. |
 Time flew after this. The babies were punched and forgotten. The clock boomed eight and Georgiana, in ter> TOT lest she should miss the trainj grabbed the Texas baby and fed Anxi ious Mrs. Coleman was about to bundla' the strange baby in the moving train when she discovered it was not heH own. Then she shrieked. Mrs. George in making q similar discovery did the same thing. Then the search MsaA started. Two frantic women hunting lost babies were followed by two terri, fed nurse girls. Finally the mothera met. babies were swapped and both families waited for the midnight trssns
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-01-28

confirmed dishonest habits" This club came to an untimely end because of a slight misapprehension on the part of one of its members. A public meeting and entertainment was given, before which it had been re- solved that mo member shall become intoxicated before Il o'clock" on that especial evening. But at about nine o'clock the ticket seller, thinking himself absolved because his duties were performed, antedated his priv ilege by an hour or two. At an in- dignation meeting held afterward some held with him that the spirit of the rule condoned the transgression, while others believed that the letter of the law should have been obeyed. The result was a division and subse- quent dissolution of the club. One becoming acquainted with the work now may see how ideas have improved since that time. Mems, women's, girls and boys clubs are doing good work. There are the usual study classes as we'll as instruction in sloyd work, basket and hammock making, sewing and cooking. Music and art
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-01-28

street, and the gymnasium and audi torium entrance will be on Noble street. There will be a Kindergarten room on the first floor, back of that a reading-room, mems club rooms, with billiards and other games; there will be coffee-room, with large kitchen adjoining a library, an office, reception room. Five club rooms on the third floor may, by means of sliding doors, be made one with large dining hall. On the same floor will be apartments for Il resi- dents. One philanthropist has con tributed $25,oOO towards this build ing, and it is hoped that $15,oo0 more can be raised.
 The clubs are a great boon to the people of the vicinity. They are con ducted in manner which contrasts rather forcibly with the first Young Mems club started at the settlement, in whose constitution was the follow ing remarkable clause: ."No boy shall be illegible to membership who is of
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-01-28
SETH LE,l gT WORK.
Experience in cdngested Districts
 Demonstrates Its Value.
A Form of Philanthropy That Mal.es the Poor Happier and Teaches
 Them Moral and PhyAicaI CleAnlineAa.
Especial Chicago Lstter.l

NILE proposed removal of the
 Northwestern university settle
 ment at Chicago to new home of its own is awakening renevaed in- terest in the progress of this, in many respects, remarkable institution It Is regarded as a pioneer in settle ment work in Chicago, being the sec ond of its kind established in the city. It was started by university students, and Mrs. Henry Wade Rog- CTS, wife of the then president of the institution, was elected president of the new venture, position which she holds to-day, although just now not actively connected with the work. She and MT. w. A. Hamilton are the only ones present at the nrst meeting who are now serving in any official capac- ity. Fhe latter is a member of the couY*I and is looked to as referee in fcst matters of importance. The oXAnization is supported by annual Subscriptions and membership fees. Wiesidents defray their own expenses sof board and lodging. The enterprise was started in a small cottage by one resident. Now all that can be comfortably accommodated are car Tying on the work in three-story house at 252 West Chicago avenue. Their food is cooked and sent over from the settlement restaurant, !, across the street, which furnishes home cooking to business men or any who desire wholesome food. At No. 250 club meetings are held at night and a kindergarten during the day. At No. 24S a day nursery is conduct ed. The work has quite overfiowed it's present quarters, and last April an area IS by 124 feet was purchased for $9,0O0, as a site for the new home. A garden, 30 by 7s feet, will be in front of the residence part on Augusta
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-01-28

EeS61Sa 4h1ft d,lS 9hnrey of | attanttpn. The loan collections of the different. aettlements exert great influence: on the home lives of the children. Good pictures are loaned for q. week to different families, 52 of which may thus have their companionahip dur ing a year. A savings bank is con- ducted for the children of the neigh borhood. Few outside it's vicinity realize how densely crowded is the Sixteenth ward, where this settle ment is situated, crowded more as to land than as to rooms. Nearly every available foot of earth is GOV cred. There is no park or open space. The property is mostly in the hands of small owners and has greatly de- preciated in value. The masses of these people prefer life in a dilapi- dated second floor or even basement to that in a modern three-story fiat. They object to living in the air. This causes the building congestion, the basement homes and the one or more cottages in the rear of nearly every lot. The stairways are outside, but as only about one family in ten takes lodgers the conditions are much het- ter than in the crowded tenement quarters of New York.
 This ward occupies less than mile of space and contains a population of over 70,ooo, of whom 10000 are Poles, +, 900 Germans and 12.o0o Scan- dinavians. Some of. the buildings eN- tend in solid mass over a whole lot. The streets are in a wretched. condi- tion, the cedar block paving having been, in many instances, taken away for firewood. Those blocks remain ing are seldom cleaned. Two-thirds of the buildings are of wood, the re- mainder of brick. A house, however poor, is seldom torn down, as it can make room for its more pretentious successors by being moved to the rear of the. lot. Apartment houses touch low-roofed cottages, and mod ern brick buildings shut the street view from ancient frame houses. Some yards are neatly boarded and swept; some contain pools of stag nant water, although the latter are the exception. In this most densely populated ward in Chicago one-sixth of the inhabitants live under their own individual roof. Bathrooms are rare, so are empty tenements. The
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-01-28


 with crash the two fell to the cement floor.
 Desperately he clung tighter and tighter until above his groans and the cracking of bones he heard his wife at the head of the stairs. Weekly he begged of her to come to his assist ance. He remained at home just one week to square" himself and to re- pair the skeleton.
 Since that time it is said he had bravely tolerated it's presence in the house, although with every spell of indigestion he had sworn to get rid of it. At times his wife would painfully amuse him with discourses on the human frame, which he endured as welp as he could. When she began to drag the bony frame out before his. company the pressure became too great, but remonstrances with her were of no avail. , Whether in a fit of anger, of be- cause the temptation was too great, he made the proposition to the coal man and the deal was made. The ton of black diamonds was delivered, duly installed in the bin and the wise mer- chant carried away the skeleton hid- den in a horse blanket.
 The following day his wife was fran tic when she missed it. He braced up his courage and told her the circum- stances. She decided that so long as it remained away from the house he was to be served with cold break lasts. He is willing 10 undergo that to keep it away. <
 Mrs. Bowden is determined ohave 1t again end haa given the coal dealer . fGw daya 10 Eeturn 1t in as good shxp she e9t its She has Son1ult<d ' stes IT M shs msa4s hisSs
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-01-28
HE CAN WAKE THE JUDGE.
Philadelphia Lawyer Exercises Q
 Ski11fu1 Trick of the Voice E with Succeas.

There is said to be a lawyer in Phil adelphia who possesses trick of the voice to which certain measure of his success in United States supreme court practice is due. The trick con- ,sists in waking the judge. Whether it is common practice for the high dig nitaries of the federal supreme bench to indulge in a nap in the course of q long and tedious argume nt, such hap .penings are not unknown, and it is well for an able logician of the bar to be prepared for it, says New York paper.
 The trick of waking sleepy judge would seem to be something in the ture of slamming Law book under his nQee or connecting his personality with the current of an electric battery. But the trick is explained. as purely a matter of sound involved in the skill ful control of the voice. It is said that . barrister practiced in the art and rhetoric of addressing the bench can gather AA the waves of sound from his thFuat into . focus and deposit it in tho oeifce of the judges ear with the eeuefa1 e8spt of Q bomb. The trick, ll.asyever 1t is accomplished, is said to
 xe been worked repeatedly witb suc-
 eq the eJudge McKennE whose
 Fl S6 eo4pe to sl6ep on the bench l] ee . 1qfor1oue subject of com
 fhe leasrAtsd litigation over