The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-05-11
A TROUBLED CONSCIENCE.
From the Commercial Advertised

voice said. Father, I am not quite
certain whether have sinned or not
Sometimes, when ask my conscience.
it says yes, at other times no; and,
what is very singular, is that suffer
more when my conscience says no than
when it says yes" This was too subtle
for the father confessor-
Express yourself more plainly, my
daughter. And be careful to omit moth
ing. You are SO youngi At eighteen
the conscience should not be heavily
burdened. Tell me everything and con-
fide in my judgment. God will give me
enlightenment. I am much concerned
for you. Speak,"
II will confess everything, father. On
Monday, just before midnight, No. in
Ward received the last sacraments.
The physician said that there was no
hope of recovery The death agony
would be brief, he told me, and death
would surely come before morning He
will not suffer much the physician
added, but if you think my presence
necessary, call me without hesitation
! You need not bother about the other
patients; they will not need either you
or me- The doctor went to bed, and L
resumed my seat at the bedside. I had
Oonly to give the patient a spoonful of
medicine every half hour. During the
rest of the tine I was praying for the
repose of his SOUL
Whose soul2''
The soul Of the poor fellow who was
dying.
II was a man, LnGn
Did I not say so, father?"
You spoke of No. T. if I remember
rightly, my child, and numbers have no
sex. Proceed
AT 3 o'clock he began to stammer,
in weak voice and with rattle in his
throat 1t lasts so long, Sister Flo
menay Since midnight he had lain mo-
tionless. as if in deep sleep. Courage,
brother. courage! 1 whispered in his
ear He continued, speaking slowly
and trying to articulate distinctly:
e i am ready 1t is hard to have to
die at five and twenty, but / am re-
signed to my fate. And perhaps it is
better so. I am poor and alone in the
world I wished to be a poet; l am
nothing. / wished to be loved. but no
one would love me. If you were not
with me I should be dying in solitude,
as in a desert.
He paused, and repeated: 'Cour-
age, brother; God is with you. "A few
minutes later I saw that his deep blue
eyes were filled with tears. Suddenly
he said:
win you do me favor, Sister
Filom ena2' If it is in my power,
brother I replied.
in perfect peace, blessing my Creator?'
So every good Christian should die
answered.
"Goodl" said the father.
THE dying man continued, in plead
ing tones: Help me to be Onei'
How, brother? I asked. Help me
to pass without reluctance over the
threshold of the fair house of life which
must leave Let me take with me
into the other life memory of good
ness. Sister Filomena, have pity on a
dying man. Give me a liss!'
"A kissi"
Again I said. Courage, brotherl Be
ready to receive the kiss of Godl' -
Very good" said the father.
But, summoning all his forces, he
implored: Grant me this favor! Do
Of md fcfn ans
that my souls peace depends upon it2
| Do you wish to suffer everlasting re-
morse? Do you desire my destruction,
And you And you? What did
you"
Father, his words frightened me so!
thought that he might be damned for
ever if he died without a token of good
sumed byremOrse. I thought that death
would surely come before daybreak, and
that each passing moment was bringing
the poor man a step nearer the grave.
In the stiffness of the night 1 noted the
growing oppression of his breathing. The
few other patients in the ward were
asleep and mCtiOniess The night lamp
gave but a feeble Elinmer In the gloom
the white beds looked like tOmbs. He
was waiting my answer in silence. l
felt deep compassion and sorrow I
glanced around hastily, then I bent over
him and kissed him It seemed to me as
il he breathed, very softly, Thanks!
And with calm once more in my soul I
resumed my prayers
You kissed him-where? asked the
confessor in intense anxiety, though he
strove by the mildness of his tone to
conceal his excitement and indecision.
Father, II was very dark, sister
4 Filomena answered, without the slight
4 est embarra ssment, but 1 think kiss
/ ed him the lips
THAT was a great-a great impru-
dence, to say the least. I understand
| that you acted from good motives, my
/ daughter. You yielded to the feeling of
! Christian compassion; a noble feeling,
no doubt, but often misleading may
say a perilous one Had it been the fore
head instead of the lips the affair would
not have been so bad. That would
have suficed to save his soul Still, the
man was near unto death"
so I thought, too
And now that he is actually dead and
buried. requiescat in peace! We will
think no more about il"
But you do not understand father.
He is not dead"
Not dead? E"
NO He lay, apparently in the death
agony, until morning, but the first rays
of the sun seemed to revive him. The
! physician was astOnished on seeing the
patient alive, with smile on his lips.
! lstered hypodermic, and whispered to
me: This is wonderful. We may be
able to bring him through after ALL
How unfortunate! p exclaimed the
confessor.
Father what are you saying?"
"Oh, we must not deceive ourselves. If
you have kissed the lips of a living man,
OF man who viii continue to live, then
I do not see how attonement is posi-
Bile. At the threshold of death it was a
very different matter and all might have
/ been made good in the sight of the Lord.
But now-it IS enough to throw Divine
mercy and grace into perplexity. How
| ever. we must not forget one thing. We
must have regard to appearances, at
least" After a minute of deep thought
the confessor inquired:
Tell me, Sister Filomena, what sort
/ Of a man is this physician? +"
"A very good man.
AS a physician, mean. Is he good
one2
.-One of the BEST
And how is the pa+ienf todav7ss