davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
TROuBl-E FOR THOMAS.
When susan Gets Hold of Him. He'll
Know What's What.

81 would just like TO make an inquiry"
she said at the general delivery of the
postofice the other day.
Yes. ma'am."
MY husband Is in Buffalo"
81 see."
"He sends me two letters per week.
but only one of them reaches me. In
that one he tells of sending me another
with a money order in it. Isn't it strange
that | meyer get the money orders?"
"Well, perhaps" cautiously replied the
clerk.
you don't think the carrier steals the
other letter each week, do your" contin-
ued the woman.
mo. ma'am."
"And can they be lost in the mails?
Hardly"
"Would-would it occur to you that
there was anything singular about it
that is, hadn't | ought to have received
at least one Of the four or five orders he
claims TO have sent?'
You certainly had. Yes, o might
call 1t a singular case
"In other words" she resumed after a
silence. would you say that | was justi-
fed in believing that Thomas is a liar
and that when he finally returns to
Brooklyn and begins to tell of the money
orders he sent while he was gon r.
Madam gravely replied the clerk,
you must pardon me, but the United
States government never interferes in
family matters-never. So long as you
make your business official
That's all right. all right" she said as
she turned AWAY. mo. the United States
has nothing to do with my Thomas, but
his Susan has, and if you feel this build
ing jar some time within the next two
weeks you may know that he has got
home and has been telling me that the
rats must have eaten up those ten dollar
money orders he sent me to pay my way
in his absence. brooklyn Citizen.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
His Sensitive Point.

This chasing after every old rag l see
Is going to be the death of me!' painted
the angry bull as he came back to the
shade.
why do you do it, then? demanded
the jackass. II thought you chased none
but red rags"
That's the point exactly" said the
bull. "And l must take a shy at every
one that comes my way or run the risk
of overlooking a red one some time and
thus allow the public to know I'm color
blind."-San Francisco Bulletin.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
The Mighty ~Injunction.v

Wriggs-This injunction habit is ex-
tending into every line.
Wraggs-It is. Why, it has even ex-
tended into the hereafter.
Wriggs-Eh?
Wraggs-Fact. Why. the other day a
fellow out on Mission street lay down,
saying his hour had come. He was on
the point OF dying peacefully when he
discovered that the undertakers were on
strike. He had got as far as the death
rattle when al injunction arrived from
the boss undertaken. and it was all off,
Son Francisco Bulletin.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03

"Unless l am misinformed.' quoth the
king of the Peagreen isle as his divers
brought their annual tribute of pearls.
mo even the ruler Of the land of our
stepfathers can maintain a submarine
band"
To which he added to a courtier of per-
ception that. although he did not possess
all modern conveniences, when his faith
full subjects got into deep water he usual
ly got something out OF it.-Indianapolis
News.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03

There was absolutely no deception
about it.
He advertised, "Sure recipe to prevent
sunstroke on even the hottest day." and
that is just what he furnished.
To all who applied be sent a slip of pa
per on which the following was printed:
Swing your hammock in an icehouse
and stay in the hammock"
Was it not all that he promised?-Chi-
On 90 Post.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
A Picnic Incident.

EITHER that young fellow down there
with his girl is a liar or I'm nothing" re-
marked the adventurous caterpillar as he
proceeded to lower himself on his silken
thread.
What do you meant" inquired the
tree toad.
II just heard him tell her that nothing,
she might be sure. would ever come be-
tween OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES Press.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
Would BE Gone Then.

Undoubtedly" sneered Worldly Wis
dom. "she will look as her mother looks
when she gets to her mothers age. But
you are blind. of course"
Love laughed quietly at this taunt.
NO." he replied; 81 simply shall not be
there to see."
What. forsooth. has Love to do with
the distant future ?-Detroit journal.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03

Shrewd.
Mr.. Timmins-What are you doing now,

Mr.. Timmins-What are you doing now.
dear?
Mrs. Timmins I'm writing to the
Smiths. asking them to dinner to meet
the Joneses and to the Joneses asking
them to meet the Smith. We owe them
both dinners. you know.
Mr.. Timmins-But I've heard they've
quarreled and don't speak.
Mrs. Timmins--I know that. They win
refuse. and we needn't give a dinner par
ty at all.-Boston Herald.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03

"What on earth ais yoa. Mentnoren-
cyl" asked one New Jersey MOSQUITO of
another who was lying % his hack and
breathing heavily.
"T've-struck-oiI," gaspsa TIE victim.
And after a few spasmodic fans with
his antennm he was gone.-Pittsburs
Commercial Gazette.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03

"Are matches made in hea7en" asked
the small boy.
"Yes. DEAR" replied his mother without
looking up from the book she was read-'
ing.
well. they turn out scnre mighty poor
ones up there anyway he asserted.
Then she heard 81 scratch anl Il orackle
and discovered sun ie was referring to
parlor matches.-Chicaga Post
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
The Mere sembIance of Comfort.

Elephant-Goodness. | wish | was born
to founder around in cool water all day
long.
Hippopotamus-Cool water? I'm so
hot blooded that this little tank they give
me is up to boiling point more than half
the time.-Chicago Record Herald.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
The Eternal Feminine.

Mr.. Pepprey-For goodness sake.
what's to prevent us going on a vaca-
ton?
Mrs. Pepprey-Well, there's the parrot.
We can't take it along
Mr.. Pepprey-But Mrs. Nexdore says
she'll be glad to keep It for us.
Mrs. Pepprey-I suppose go. She thinks
it will tell her some of our family secrets.
Philadelphia Press.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
A Mar Of E-nterprise.

"Ah. darling" sighed the rejected
swain, this is too much! | cannot live
without you"
WELL" said her brother, who entered
at the moment, Il hope you'll not forget
that ! am an undertaken. "-Baltimore
American.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
bfIity.

Sympathy" remarked the man who
gets sour. doesn't do the slightest good
in the world"
Then why did you listen to it?'
"Oh, there is no use in being i'll ma
tured. 1t always seems to please the per-
son who is extending it."-Washington
Star.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
A Puzzle Indeed.

The fair young girl who was to become
a bride on the morrow sat in her boudoir
meditating seriously.
"Shall l marry Henry" she unused, ''or
shall l shoot him? All the girls who
shoot their lovers get such lovely write
ups in the papers,"
But she decided that her rousseau
might he described in q ~bungling man.
ner by the reporters at the trial, so she
concluded t. be marricd.-Boston Ameri-
can.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
Faetr In the Case.

Madam" said the poor but honest ice
man, you do me a great injustice when
you say my bill is more than it should be.
To tell you the truth. | am actually sell
ing ice at a loss this summer"
"Oh. ! can readily believe that" re-
piled the indignant female. The ten
pound cakes you cut for me show a loss
of fully three pounds each by the time
you get them in the refrigerator."-Chi-
cago News.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
Coming His way

I'VE don't seem to find things comm
our way as fast as they used to-" said
Meandering Mike.
"Cheer up," said Flooding Pete. 'If
o want to see somethin comm your
way. jes' go back to dat house an say
Pretty Fido' to de brindle dog OATS lynn
On de porch Washington Star.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
A Happy

Mrs. Cleekie must feel dreadfully I'M
happy since she has become so deformed
by meningitis"
well, she was until DIR. Seeker dag
nosed the case as golfers spine,' and
now she's quite proud OF it."-San Fran
cisco Bulletin.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03

"How do people enjoy trolley rides in
such crowded cars"
"Oh. everybody is buoyed up by the
expectation that everybody else viii get
off at the next corner."-Chicago Record.
Herald.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03

"He must have been a pretty nice
man."
Indeed he was"
"Yes. he must have been. Why. his
life was insured for 100000. and yet his
family seemed genuinely sorry to have
him die."-PhiladeIphia Bulletin.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
In Demand.

did YOU ever notice this paradox"
remarked the crusty summer boarder on
the porch of the seashore hotel.
What paradox p inquired the other.
THAT the easy chairs are always hard
est TO get."-Philadelphia Press.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
The Feminine Touch wanted.

Jones-Our little brown mare kicked
like everything when we tried to make
her yea q straw hat.
Brown-She did,
Jones-Yes; but my wife scwed some
pink roses and blue chiffon on II, and
now she goes all right.-Chicago Record
Herald.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
He Wa. Hnndicnnnea.

HE never amounted to much. did her"
mo; but. then. the poor fellow never
had half a chance"
How was that?"
ii was considered a prodigy when he
was young and was treated accordingly"
Chicago Post.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
For the Appetite.


"A great many strikes are in progress
now" remarked Mr.. Inland.
Eyes; ! am reminded of the black
smith," added Mr.. Halket.
'How?'
"He strikes while the iron is hot; other
men strike while the weather is hot
Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
A Gentle Hint.

MY" he exclaimed admiringly, you
look like a peach!'
well. really" she replied, noticing a
restaurant in the middle distance; II do
feel like something to eat."-Philadelphia
Record.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
The Outlook.

twill you still love me. Clara, IL. after
we are married. you discover me to be
full Of faults? Z"
"Of course, Clarence. I'm terribly proud,
and ! never could bring myself to admit
even to you that ] had made the mistake
of my life."-Chicago Record Herald.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03

"a Nebraska treasurer was found in an
alleged s~andbagged CONDITION and minus
$4,000. Now he is in Jail for six years.
"What keeps him in jail?"
The sell ."-Clevcland Plain Dealer.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03

School Commissioner think a nice
motto would look well over your desk.
How would knowledge Is Wealth" do?
Schoolteacher- What With my sal
ary!-Baltimore World.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03

"But the gown doesn't fit" insisted the
patron.
THAT" replied the modiste calmly, sis
because you are not made right."-Chi-
cago Post.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
The Sentiment of Inanimnte Things

II suppose said the wire to the cleo
trio button. that you felt highly honored
by the attention the president paid your"
Yes" replied the button; II was much
touched by it.'-Cleyeland Plain Denler.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
Naturally

"Your highness." suggested the ship
wrecked captive. is there not sone posi-
ton on your staff that ! could fll?"
"Mm-well. there is a vacancy. but you
might not be able TO fill it. | need a tor
turer."
Just the thing! l used to be a pain
less Observation-Disclosures American.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
An Exnoaitian Echo.

"My friend Mrs. Binks has rented her
lovely home in Buffalo for the summer"
did the price tempt herr"
mo: the number of her country rela-
tives scared her, Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03

Il hear they give Hank a cross exami-
nation in that trial up to town"
Eyes, and | can't sec why they needed
to be cross about it. Hanks the best M
tured cuss l ever see."-Chicago News.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
In the Museum.

What on earth Is that horrible smell p
asked the museum manager.
"Oh. tn fat lady has refused TIL india
rubber nan IN he's burning with indig-
nation."-Denver Times.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
Quite Interesting.

Wantoneau-Do you ever find anything
interesting in the vermiform appendix?
DIR. Cutter-I usually find a fee of a
hundred or so in every one | operate up
on.-Philadelphia Record.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
Mean Way Men Have.

Mrs. Whyte-Men have very poor judg-
ment.
Mrs. Browne-Yes, but it doesn't do to
tell them so. If you do, they arc apt to
make sarcastic references to the time
when they got married. -Somerville Jour-
na
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
Cause l just do de lightsome skip an
den turn round an see de fun.

It's desc little exhibitions o mind power
what makes me t'ink dat p'raps | ought
er incorporate meself as a company an
give de world at large de benefit O. me
brains.-Chicago News.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03
Premeditated Disability.

I'm afraid of this half ripe water
melon"
We've all eaten some OF it."
"Well, I'll eat some too. don't pro-
pose to be left in a condition to nurse the
rest Of you."--Chicago Record Herald.
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03

am a farmer located near Stony Brook, one of the most malanouS
districts in this State, and was bothered with malaria for years. at TUNES
so could not work, and was always very constpated as wei ror
years had malaria so bad in the spring, when engaged in blowing,
that could do nothing but shake. must have taken about a barrel
Of quinine pills besides dozens of other remedies, but never obtained
any permanent benefit Last fall, in peach time, had a most serious
attack of chils and then commenced to take RiPans labuies, upona
friends advice, and the first box made me all right and have never
been without them since. take one Tabule each morning and night
and sometimes when feel more than usually exhausted take three IN
a day. They have kept my stomach sweet my bowels regular and
have not had the least touch of malaria nor splitting headache since
commenced using them. know also that sleep better and wake up
more refreshed than formerly. don't know how many complaints
Ripans Tabues will help, but do know they will cure any one in the
condition was and would not be without them at any price.
honestly consider them the cheapestpriced medicine in the world, as
they are also the most beneficial and the most convenient TO take.
am twenty-seven years of age and have worked hard all my life, tho
same as most farmers, both early and late and in all kinds OF weather,
and have never enjoyed such good health as have since last tall; IN
fact, my neighbors have all remarked my inprc we'd condition and nave
said, Say, John, what are you doing TO look 81 healthy"
w ANTED-A case bad hmh that IPANs wnl not benefit .Tby Danish @m mpMpW "a
mM o re" ~s n aMpms srn wn cent ma nav yyp%m d At nTTTsG r Ten sampesM and one 9E
sadt Testimonials wmie nailed oanya address for scents Forwarded" the pe""s" :"
w pruce st. New York
The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-10-03

A Slip of the Tongue.
He-How do you like your engagement
sing. dear?
She--Oh, ! think it is the very loyeliest
enc ] ever had!-New York Times.
The Leon reporter. (Leon, Iowa) 1887-1930, 1901-08-22
AN INGRAM DIVIDEND.
CIR editors Get 20 Per cent with
More Comlng-Liabilities Finally
Figured $4,000.

A dividend of 20 per cent to creditors
of the A. o. Ingram estate was declare d
last week, and about $4,000 is now in
the hands'of attorneys to be distributed
Large amounts have been paid out in
attorney. fees, and another dividend
perhaps nearly as large as the first, is
expected later, so the estate is paying
out better than hoped for.
The claims of Allyn Bros, w. B..
Ingram, and j. r. Ingram were con
tested, bringing the total liabilities
down to about $4,000. On this amount,
dividend of 20 per cent has been de-
clared. Fuller ( Fuller OF tins city are
attorneys for creditors whose claims
amount to nearly one-fourth of the
total, and received So, 500 to distribute.
A. o. Ingram failed Dec. 1, 1899
He had been doing tremendous bust
ness in retail merchandise at Mt. Ayr,
Shannon City, and Allendale. The fail
ure was the largest and most sensation
al known in the retail business in anv
small town in Iowa. The liabilities were
estimated by some as high as Sl25 900,
and it was said that the creditors would
never realize 20 cents on the dollar,
especially in view of the litigation that
followed. The Mt Ayr stock was sold to
K. A. Holden about three weeks after
the failure tor $l7 ,00l Mt. Ayr News.
The Leon reporter. (Leon, Iowa) 1887-1930, 1901-08-22
THE CHURCHES.


At the Christian church next Lord sday
the pastor will preach as follows: Morn
ing. "The Influence of unity in the
church," Evening "The Oneness of Our
Religion"
A religious debate will occur at Davis
City beginning September Is, 1901, and
lasting ~ days, between Elder R. nj.
Elvin of the Reorganized Church Of
Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and
Elder Will Elmore, of the Christian
Church, who resides at Moulton, Iowa.
Church organization, faith and practise,
are the questions 10 be discussed. The
debates will be held in the Saints
church.
The following services will be held in
the NJ. e. church on Sunday. Aug, s5.
Morning-The Presiding Elder, Rev. W.
r. Thompson will preack Evening
The pastor will preach. Subject, 'Les
sons to be drawn from tie Book OF
nature or Footprints Of God id, Colorado.
Miss Bessie Moore will sing & solo at
the evening service. On Saturday even.
ing ats O'Clock in the prayer room the
last quarterly meeting and business Of
the conference year will be held. A full
attendance Of the officials Of THE church
is requested.
The Leon reporter. (Leon, Iowa) 1887-1930, 1901-08-22
MATRIMONIAL.

NJ 81 Nora Nanderpool and O. S. Shell
ton, of Bloomfield we're married at the
nome OF the brides parents, Mr.. and
Mrs. j. ID. Nanderpool in south Leon,
Monday evening, at o'clock, the cere.
mony being performed in the presence
OF few intimate friends by Rev. L. G.
Williams. Mr.. and Mrs. Shelton will
make their home at Bloomfield, whittier
the best wishes of a host of friends sc-
company them.
In the Methodist Episcopal church at
Boulder, Sunday morning at 80
O'Clock, occurred one of the prettiest
church Weddings seen in that city for
some time. The contracting parties were
Miss Mary Jeanette Martin, of Leon,
Iowa, and Henry M. Moss prominent
young man of that city. The ceremony
was performed by Rev. Marquis d.
Hornbeck. The edifice was beautifully
decorated and the nuptials were wit
messed by many friends of the young
people. Miss Martin has lived in Boul.
der for the past five years, being con-
nected with The public schools the last
four years. She is a prominent member
OF the Womens club of Boulder and the
Hypathla club. The couple will make
Boulder their future home. -Denver,
Col, Daily News.
The Leon reporter. (Leon, Iowa) 1887-1930, 1901-08-22
CONVENTION ON AUGUST ~
to judge w. H. Tedford
of Corydon, Is to Be Nominated.

Oseeola, Aug 1.-THE republican
committee of the Third judicial district
held meeting al Osceola this afternoon
and decided to hold the judicial conven-
ton for the nomination of successor to
Judge w. H. Tedford of Corydon at
Osceola, August %. David Porter of
Creston has been the chairman of the
committee, but he is now in Colorado
and r. III. Spence of Mt. Ayr was elected
to succeed him. Those present we're
William Miller of Taylor county, Hugh
Fry of Union, r. I'll. Spence of kinggold,
Marion Stookey of Decatur and Arthur
Wells of Adams.
In view of the fact that the time is
short that will elapse between now and
the convention, it was decided, on rec
ommendation of Mr.. Stookey, to hold
mass convention in the different
counties.
The indications are favorable for the
nomination for judge of X. l.. Parrish
OF Leon, Of the law firm of Harvey 4
Parrish. He will, however, have some
opposition. Aside from Mr.. Parrish,
the candidates are William Miller of
Taylor, James &. Bull of Union and Ii.
*. Evans of Wayne The latter, it is
understood, is receptive candidate.
MIR. Bull is making an active campaign
against Mr.. Parrish, but the latter has
the advantage geographically, mas
much as he is located in the southern
and eastern section of the district.
Judge ii. NJ. Towner, the associate of |
Judge Tedford on the bench, is located
in the western and northern part of the |
district, and Mr.. Bull is located in the
adjoining county.
}. I'll. Jamison of Osceola has been
mentioned as candidate but he will !
not enter the field now. The mention
OF the name of NJ. l.. Temple of Clark
as candidate is not authorized and
Temple has given it out plainly that he
is a candidate for the federal district
attorneyship and not for the iudgeship.
An important development of the
Judicial campaign is that it has brought
about an understanding between the
two republican factions in Decatur
county. There was some disposition on
the part of the Cummins men in Decatur
county to make fight on Parrish, and
OF the machine men to oppose the re-
nomination of Dr. B. l.. Eiker for repre-
sentative. The latter lisa Cummins man.
These differences have been composed
and the Eiker and Parrish men will
work in harmony This PROBABLY in
sures the denomination Of Elker and will
give Parrish the united backing of his
county for the judgeship.
The Leon reporter. (Leon, Iowa) 1887-1930, 1901-08-22
IT'S A HUMMER!
The Leon Reunion This Week a
Splendid Success.

The Decatur County Veterans Assoc
citation and Summer Festival is in ull
swing as we go to press Wednesday
evening, the attendance being even
greater than was anticipated. The
grounds are at Casters lake and every
one is surprised at the excellent manner
in which the grounds have been prepar-
ed as they look like city park.
Tuesday was the opening day, being
devoted mainly to assigning tents and
getting the many campers located. The
X. Z. Band and orchestra, two colored
quartets, the Jubilee ministries and all
other attractions are on the grounds
exactly as advertised. There is not a
gambling scheme of any kind allowed on
the grounds and everything is carried
out strictly according to program.
Yesterday was Old Soldiers day, Con-
gresham John I. Lacey being the prin.
cipal speaker Other speakers were
John Stahl, Geo. w. Lefollett, S. Sam
son, I'll. &. Jennings, Capt. j. ID. Brown
and Rev. llsley, and there was some
thing going on all the time. To-day
is Old Settlers day and tomorrow
Young Peoples day. Excellent pro-
grams have been arranged and will be
found OH page 3
You can put it down that the Leon
reunion is a hummer and don't you for
get it,.
There will be ball games to day and
tomorrow between the Cente,vilIe Ma
rooms and Leon krafls.
The Shoot the Chutes at the lake is a
popular attraction.
This evening the famous lllth Alaskas
under command of Commodore Axes
will have charge of the program, incud-
ing music and big display Of fireworks.