The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1901-01-27
(rCopyriehted 1901, by Robert Howard RUSSELL }

at Duluth" said the Hotel Keeper a,
guess he got you mixed up With sonehos-
else. know one of the Boys that lef, -,
about the Time you did IS in Dulp,b -
another one is Tendin' Bar in Keokuk
AS IL was evident that the Proprieto- =.
the Commercial had not kept Stem with e.
March of Events the Celebrity wen, -
Street and soon encountered a Grocer ~
had been his SchooImaIe
How are you, HEMP" said the c-oo,.
what brings you back here? Are Won
looking for Job?'
81 am here on Visit" said the crs.,
Man. attempting 10 conceal his aumr;s.
ton.
what are you driving at now" asked
the friendly Grocer. WAS IL you or We,
Kittlesop that runs Barber shop in tn
iedos"
at must have been wes." said the dis
tinguished Person, family.
At that Moment the Grocer's Wife eama
along and the Great Man from Philase,.
phia identified her as one Of the Girls
whom ne had taken home from Singing
School in the Days when he was some
thing of a Swain. She had not Improved
with Age They seldom Do
AS soon as she recognized Henry she
told him that she had seen Something In
the Paper about him. At this the Fanous
Character picked up little. thinking that
possibly there was at least One in his OLD
Town who had Kept Cases on his rising
Career.
81 think it said you was Bit by a Dog"
she said..
mo, Madam. 1 never had that Honor"
he said with biting Sarcasm. and then he
walked over to the Railroad Track and
Out of Town never to Return.
Moral-When you begin to think you ere
the Works go back Home and Find Out.
THE MODERN FABLE OF THE YOUNG
BENEDICT AND THE ONE WHO
HAD BEEN THROUGH THE
MILL.
Once there was a City Salesman who had
been Married for Ten Days and was around
telling the Bachelors what Chumps they
were to try and stick it out Single.
One Morning he came TO the Office with
a Satisfied Smile and said to the Credit
Man, who was all kinds of a Husband and
Father: 'Well, we have settled dswn TO
Housekeeping, Dewey and /. We decided
that we might as well begin right. so have
bought Everything that we possibly can
need. 1t is a large Expenditure to make
right on the Jump. but thank goodness We
have it over with and won't have TO ne
spending our Money in Dribets all the
time"
Far be It from me 10 turn the Ice Water
Douche on Loves Young Dream" said the
Old Married Man with a Grim Smile. but
when you say that you have bought every
thing that you will need IN Keeping House
you Excite my Risibles and move me to say
Pish-Tush."
eve sat down together and made out a
List said the Newly Married One. Then
1 went out to Department Store and Blew
myself"
And you have Everything?"
Everything"
did you get a Mouse Trap"
''Will We need one?"
Huh. L suppose you have your Bees
wax, Sticking Plaster, Household Am
monia, Thermometer. Griddle Cake Turner.
your Borax and the Patent Thingum for
Tightening up the Clothes Lire"
81 don't remember any Of those"
''Did you get your Picture of Fish,
'Great Scot, no. What do l want OF
Picture of Fish?"
Every well-regulated Establishment
must have a Picture Of Fish in the Din
ing Room to aid Digestion. Did you buy
any Camphor Balls?"
Not yet"
"Any Furniture Polish?"
mo"
IAN Egg Beaten, Toast Fork or Fancy
Paper for the Shelves?'
I'm afraid not"
81 thought as much. My Young Friend.
If ever the Day comes when you as Mar
ried Man can put your Hand on your Heart
and truly say that you don't need Anything
Else around the House and can get your
Wife to agree with you come 10 me and
will hang Medal on you"
Moral-It is almost Impossible to be
Truthful and not be Disagreeable.