davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
His Reply.

The following incident is related by
a correspondent of the Cleveland Plain
Dealer in the South. 1t is told of DR..
James H. Carlisle, the venerable Pres
ident of Wofford College, South Caro-
lima, and counselor of the great Chau.
tauQua system.
When 10 years old young Carlisle
was attending typical country school
Of the old South under the manage
ment Of typical teacher of the time
a stern and scholarly old gentleman
One day little James found consider
able difficulty in some of his work. and
his teacher. becoming impatient, took
the boys slate and, writing upon it the
words, Il am a fool,' gave it to the lit
tie fellow, saying. Here, James, sign
your name to that"
The learned pedagogue proceeded
with the other lessons, but on coming
back to his young charge after time
noticed that the name had not been
written. Becoming angry, he demand
ed in laundering tones: James Carlisle
why did you not sign your name to
that, sir" And little James Carlisle
slipped from his place on the high.
rough old bench, and, looking his
teacher squarely in the eye. replied:
Because 1t is a lie, sir!''
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
A CLEVER LINCOLN sToRv.
Travels All the Way from Berlin fol
THE Vaorso C>I.h..<so.

Travels All the Way from Berlin for
This Years. Celebration.
Here is new Lincoln story that has
never been published. 1t was told to a
Chicago man few weeks ago by a gen.
tleman living in Berlin, Germany:
Two hero worshipers had long desired
to meet Abraham Lincoln, but when the
coyeted privilege was finally granted they
were unspeakably disappointed in the
personality of the rail-splitting President.
They gazed at him in silence and then one
of them exclaimed in dissatisfied voice:
''Why, Lincoln is just a common look
ing man like u.s."
The great emancipator turned to the
speaker and said genially:
"Yes, my friend, but have the conso-
lation of knowing that God loves COM
mon looking menr'
How do you make that out?' queried
the other interestedly.
"Oh, because he made so many of
themv'
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

81 T took Hanora quite a time to find
out the truth about Tobias. Not
that Tobias could ordinarily be con-
sidered a mysterious individual. In
deed, he was precisely the reverse.
From the cool dawn hour in which he
arose to 60 forth and drive the team
for Twist & Taffeta, of which firm he
was trusted collector, until his return
at $50 to the modest fat where his Sis
ter-and supper-awaited him, his life
was a clean and commonplace page,
spread wide for every casual or inter-
ested glance. His nights, If less ex-
posed to the arc lights of public scru-
tiny, might as well have been so. For,
after eating heartily Of the food Hanora
had prepared and referring to the same
In admiring terms, he was wont to re-
move his shoes as unnecessary impedi-
menta, place his feet in their we'll
darned hose upon the chair "beyant
light his pipe, drink the solitary bottle
of beer Hanora permitted him, and read
the mighty accumulation of both morn
ing and evening papers until the auto
cratic spinster who ruled his abode sug-
gested "a decade" and turned the lamp
low by way of gentle but quite sufti-
cient hint.
Tobias was 40-pius five. He had
brickdust skin, pale brows, a pugna-
cious nose, and smile of such sudden,
suffusing, apologize radiance it ex-
planned his love for his fellowmen in
general and for Hanora in particular.
Indeed, his was the only love that had
ever come Hanora's way. She had
never been guilty of that form of high
way robbery known as coquetry. Not
that she was unsophisticated. She
knew that woman quick of perception
and adroit of finger may appropriate
the purse Of one who walks her way
and suffer Incarceration. And she
knew also that one who possesses her.
self Of an unappropriated masculine
heart not only goes free in the sight Of
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Really Too Bad.

The fair young society lady was in
an agitated frame Of mind when she re-
turned from a shopping expedition the
other day.
why, Dorothy, what in the world is
the matter?" asked her indulgent hus-
band, who read distress in her pretty
face.
'Oh, DEAR" she said, her voice trem-
bling with emotion. 'I've lost the re-
ceipt for my new hat"
"Well.'' the husband replied, 'ft ID
very easy to go back to the store and
get another receipt. don't see why
you should let little matter like that
worry you"
''It isn't that" was the sobbing re
ply, "but I'm afraid that some one we
know will find that receipt and learn
how much paid for it"-Detroit Free
Press
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
In the Wrong Pew.

In Watertown, s. D., theater recent
ly man who had a seat between his
wife and daughter left at the termina-
ton of an act for trip downstairs
When he returned he found a vacant
seat between two women, and dropped
into it with the remark, "As was say
ing when l went out, it's none of your
business what other people wear. Be-
cause some one else makes a fool Of
herself by wearing cotton stockings in
winter it doesn't follow that you must
do the same"
'Sirv' came from both sides at once;
and the way he vacated that seat made
the soles of his boots red-hot. He was
in the wrong pew.-Northwest Maga-
zine.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
For a Valentine Party.

A Valentine cake" may be introduced
with good effect at a Valentine party
This can be gotten up in two ways; the
first, nicely iced cake, decorated with
candy hearts having sentimental notices
on them. Let the cake be divided into
the requisite number of slices. In the
slices the young girls draw or make
small slit with the sharp blade of knife.
and insert into the opening a slip of card
board on which is written the name of
some young man who is present First
a young lady chooses slice of cake, then
the gentleman selects one. In those slices
the latter draw are such small articles as
denote the sort of wife Fate has chosen
to be each young mans partner for life.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
How Coreans Pray.

A returned soJourner in Corea tells
that he asked native priest: "Tell
me why you people kneel down before
stone, or piece Of wood, or any inani-
mate object, and pray to it? Why noa
pray to God, as Christians do?" 81
will explain" said the devout idolater.
Christians close their eyes and look
up without seeing anything as they
pray. The Coreans do not pray to the
piece Of stone or wood, as you imagine
but to the same good God, and select
the inanimate object merely as an en-
blem. Instead of seeing nothing, they
gaze upon Gods handiwork, for God
made the stone"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
oms which are now observed on St. Val


entine's day.
There is one thing these wise books do
not tell US, however, and that is where
and when the comic valentine originated.
If you will take from its shelf any one
of the standard works of this description
you will also discover that it maintains
discreet, yet significant, silence upon
The causes which led up to the decapita-
tion of old st. Valentinus that smiling
morning in the long ago. 1t simply tells
'ou that he was executed in the midst of
he Claudian prosecutions, but never for
| moment should it be forgotten that
even prosecutors must have a cause.
There has long been private suspicion
that old st. Valentinus was himself the
originator of the comic valentine, and
that he expiated his crime in about
the proper manner. 1t does not require
any undue stress upon the imagination to
see him forwarding to the Emperor Clau-
dius, a picture of a knock-kneed, whop-
per-jawed pirate who is surmounted with.
tinsel crown and whose nose is painted
with the tints of confagration, while be-
meath it all stood bit of verse which
more than intimated that Claudy, old boy,
didn't know enough about the emperor
business to hurt. And what would be
more natural than for Claudy to call for
his warders, no! and cut off Mr.. Valen-
tines head?
The writers tell US that the romantic
features of st. Valentines day are being
revived, particularly in England. We are
glad of this, because we have always felt
that one day at least should be set apart
in honor of that single passion which
-
is just as much entitled to festival as
labor. To the latter we have given a
legal holiday, and the day is coming when
old st. Valentine will find himself rec
ognized in the statutes made and provid-
ed as well as through the pictorial rash
which breaks out upon humanity once in
every wear
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND 90.
iNGS HERE AND THERE
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed
TO Have Been Recently Born-Sayings
and Doings that Are Old, curious and
Laughabls The Weeks Humor.

81 have known a man on a modest
salary said the Crafty Citizen, ''to
scrimp along for month to save $50
and then blow $40 of it on hunting
dog when he doesn't get to go shooting
once a year."
Sometimes the wife of this same
scrimpy man." observed the Inveterate
Thinker, takes the money and puts
$45 Of it in love of tailor-made
gown, when she never goes any farther
than two squares to see her COUSINS
wife. If there were not real foolish
people on earth you and 1 would get no
credit for wisdom."-Denver News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

Thus. q silver coin signifies wealth, q
scrap of silk fashionable wife, penny
poverty. tiny spoon good hoasekeep-
er, pen literary woman. small silver
heart a marriage for love, a small brush
an artistic wife, a tiny mirror vain
woman, piece of Grape widow, etc.
Woman's Home Companion.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
A SuRReation.

Mrs. Housekeep-See here. I've been
getting dozen eggs from you every
week and in every dozen lately I've
found at least two bad ones. What's
to be done about it?
Bright Clerk-Suppose you only take
half dozen hereafter. Maybe you
wouldn't find so many bad ones then
Philadelphia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
A Valentine.

A Valentine.
The north wind Is a-cold,
Sobbing behind the hill;
The world seems white and old,
For the winter hath Its will
And there Is no thrush in the hazel brush
To dute with a silyery trill.
The pale dawns come and 60,
And the chill auroras fare:
While the spirit Of the snow
Moves wraithlike through the air,
And we know that death of the icy breath
Is about us everywhere.
And yet, ana yet, and yet,
Why should we grieye or plne7
Or house gloom-eyed Regret,
Your hand. dear heart, In minef
We've all the vernal mirth OF the earth
With Love for Valentinel
Clinton Scollard. in Golfers Weekly.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
L'ncOIn's Logic.

analysis and logical powers were trace
able to his complete mastery of Euclid's
Certainly whenever he at
tempted to prove or disprove thing he
did it. A story told by United States
Judge G. G. Foster. and printed in the
Syracuse Standard, illustrates his log
ical faculty.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Love an Appetite.

But Della, we should not let your
fathers prejudice stand in the way of
our marriage. What is money to true
love?"
Il know, Alfred, that money is not
ALL but hunger is something. Last
night you walked past three restau-
rants on the way from the theater and
never said oysters once. But papa had
something for me to eat when l got
home"-Denyer News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

the law, but glories If she will in her
guile and in the magnitude of her deed.
Whether the bonds of inopportunty had
shackled Hanora Ryan or whether she
had preferred maiden triumph to the
exultation of matronhoOd deponent say
eth not. Anyhow, to get back to the
truth about Tobias. On one memorable
midsummer eve he devoured lemon pie
without protest. Hanora knew he
loathed lemon pie. On the following
morning he meekly ate the French
toast she set before him, instead of his
regulation potato and rasher. This was
her second test. For Tobias had frank
ly declared only two weeks ago that
he would eat no more French, or Flem-
ish, or-1o, begorrah-Boer toast, that
was made of stale bread dipped in egg
and fried! So there! She began to feel
suspicious. He was a good brother,
but alarmingly docile when presented
with viands for which he possessed an
aversion.
She was like the parrot which its
owner declared "said little but done a
devil of a heap of thinkin'y' She
thought a good deal in those days:
When Tobias suggested bringing a
friend home with him to dinner she
thought more than ever, albeit she pos
sibly. said less.
ITO be bringin' a man here for a
malew quoth she. What kind of a
man might he be now, Tobias?"
1s1-l1
promptly responded Tobias. HE
drives the rush bus. He's good wan.
He'd relish one of your raspberry rolls
that he would, HanoraY Whereat
Hanora blushed in a wintry sunset sort
of way and said he might bring his
friend.
He did bring his friend. And-to tell
the truth-Hanora looked exceedingly
well. She had given her old black silk
skirt dip" whatever that mysterious
phraseology may mean. And she wore
with this shirt waist of softest lawn,
which she had bought at quite an alb
surd figure because it was one of the
smaller sizes. This she had duly and
delicateIy laundered. Not that
1.-The household art was the only dover
She would bring for a gift to him she
wed"
But the household art shone up In re-
splendence on that particular night.
Never. thought treacherous Tobias,
with glow at his heart, had any man
such a sister. and If it were not for the
here he broke off in an agony of de-
ception which made him temporarily
oblivious of the merits of the raspberry
roll
You amt eat biteE ayowed Hano-
ra
Tobias made a sweeping gesture
across his Adams apple. "Clear to
herer he declared with delicious men-
dacity.
After supper they went into the par
lor. Hanora played on the organizes,
and sang, too, In sweet thin little
voice. She sang ''The Meeting of the
Waters" and ''The Kerry Dancing" and
the Wearing of the Green" No rag
time for Hanora.
''She's jewelr' commented Dennis
+. Mcguire, addressing Tobias Ryan,
when they parted on the sidewalk
"Ain't-ain't'' t''-timidly, there any wan
a-coortin'!"
"Niyir wanr' returned Tobias.
He felt SO guilty upon his return he
could hardly make the proper responses
to the decade which Hanora was
"giying out" He did not come home
until 10 o'clock the following night
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

Angela Ito whom Edgar has been
proposing)-Tell me, Edgar, did you
ever say anything like this to any
woman before?
Edgar lin a burst of honesty)-My
dear girl, do you think that it could
be done like that the first time?-Har-
per's Bazaar.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Encouragement for the Struggling.

encouragement for the Struggling.
WELL" asked the artist rubbing his
hands, what did your wife think of
your portrait when you got homer
'Oh," said old Mr.. Packinham, hand
ing out check for the amount he had
agreed to pay, "she told me she still
had confidence in me and didn't be-
lieve was half as bad as I was
painted"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

From the Plunkville Bugle: Colonel
Erastus Jarvey was in town between
trains Tuesday and made us call.
Perry Patettic came in between cars
and struck us for handout."
apolis Press,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
The Beat he cou1d Do.

"Gfve me penny, oh, SIR" said the
mendicant, "and you will give me joy"
while l cannot give you joy" said
the millionaire, 81 may perhaps give
you merriment, for l will give you the
laugh. indianapolis Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

ut has always been my rule" said
Mr.. Borem, "to spend as 1 co.
F Indeed" exclaimed Miss Sharpe,
glancing significantly at the clock In
that way suppose you have saved con-
siderable y."-Phladelphia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
One Way of LOOKING atIt

''It Is said that the Gear of Russia
dislikes more than anything else to
speak In public"
That's nice tribute to his wife,"
"How soY'
"He probably gets chance to say
all he wants TO at home."-C Chicago
Times Herald.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

Men do not agree on what is the
''unpardonable sin," but among WON
en- 1t is an objectionable sin for one
woman to recommend a dressmaker
who ruins a garment.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Plenty of Others.

Blobbs-He doesn't know enough to
come in out of the rain.
Slobbs-That's nothing. Several
thousand years ago there was only one
man in all the world that did. His name
was Noah.-Philadelph Record.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Appe,red to he True.

Wigwam-A New York doctor comes
out with an article in which he claims
that American women are declining.
It's stuff and nonsense.
Sappehedde-I don't know about
that. Three of them have declined me
recently.-Philadelp Record.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

Young Mother Ito butcher)-I have
brought my little baby, Mr.. Bullwrin-
kle. Will you kindly weigh him?
Butcher-Yes, ma'am; bones an all,
l s'pose Bits.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Profits of a Convict Mine.

The Tennessee convict coal mine is a
paying institution. The profits in the
last six months will amount to more
than 100000.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

When, having become rich beyond
the dreams Of avarice, he came back
to claim his bride, he found Elise
awaiting him.
"Then you remember me.?" he cried
folding her in his strong embrace.
Remember you, Harold? Why,
remember your middle initial. evenp'
Devotion, this!-Detroit Journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
As odd as a Woman.

One of the oldest bequests on record
is that Of the late George Russell. the
well-known sculptor. of Aberdeen. He
left $4,000 for the benefit Of scaven-
gers and policemen.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
A Necessary Lesson.

isn't it kind of these people, ma"
remarked the young fish. ITO drop us
lines with food on 'em?''
Don't you believe it." replied the
mother fish. you must learn to read
between the lines" = Philadelphia
Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Proud of 1t.

The Naughty One-You ought to be
proud to have me recognize you.
The Common Person-I am. 1t shows
! have money.-Indianapoli Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

Mrs. Wunder-We never hear of
woman train robbers.
Mr.. Wunder-And yet the ladies are
always holding up trains.-Baltimore
American,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

We'll, Prof. De Verges says her
French is as good as any spoken in our
neighborhood. d."-Indianapolis Journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

Sillicus-Henpeckke says his young
ster is going to grow up to be fighter.
Cynicus-Inherits his mothers in
stincts, suppose.-Philadelph Rec
| ord,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

About the worst thing you can say
about man is that he is smart" and
great reader" The trouble is. he
will do nothing but be smart, and read.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Sensitive Nature Wounded.

sensitive Nature Wounded.
81 was greatly mortified at Sylvia's
wedding dinner
what about?'
''It was a pink affair, and she had
picked beets on the table."-Chicago
Record.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
SIGN

Briggs Monkerly is losing his inter-
est in golf.
Griggs-What makes you think so?
Briggs-I saw him at his office yes
terday.-Harper's Bazaar.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Didn't Show His Nose.
DetWee
Press,

Lady-Didn't 1 tell you not to show
your nose around here again?
Peddler-Vell, did I nod comply NIT
your request?
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Here's a sure Sign.

''I must be getting old"
''What makes you think sop
Younger men have begun compli-
menting me on being y."-Chicago
Record.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

What do you think of the idea of
broadening the present course of school
studies p
Il don't care how broad they make
en-" answered Tommy, "so's they
don't lengthen 'em."-IndiaAapoli
Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

Mamma-Why do you call him
"Jonesy?''
Johnny-Well, you see, his name is
Jones. but we call him "Jonesy" for
short.-Puck.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Contingent.

Dobson-If you marry my daughter
how long will it be before you call on
me for aid?
Hobson-That depends on how long it
is before she strikes me for cash.-Den-
yer News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

kindliman-What's the matter, my
little man? You seem to be in great
Dain
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
The Great Obstacle.

each of u.s." said the moralist,
''could do something to make the world
better"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

Eyes; he's playing with an Uncle
Toms Cabin Company in that depart
ment store window. w.'-Indianapolis
Journal
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

: Rooms-You bet. A fellow can't be
behind a single week
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

Little Boy (groaning dismally)-No,
l amt, but dey seems ter be a great
pain in me.-Philadelphia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Present Company Not Excepted.

''Ya-as; it's so twying; some people
are born freaks"
"And others have freaks thrust upon
them"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Up With Her Class.

''She got up and hung an Exit pla-
card on the parlor door."-Puck.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

Be sure you are right-then pause a
moment for reflection.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Pointing the WAY Ont
What 2"

what do you think Miss Popkins
did when l staid late last night?'
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
A Breach of TT quette.

Hell notice you don't speak to the
Uptowns any more. What have they
done?
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
"Does She speak correctly ?''

"My wife learned French in five
waalSS
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

She-Done? Vulgar things! Lost all
their money.-Philadelph Bulletin.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15

YES" said his friend, with a sigh:
''only our personal affairs do seem to
keep us hustlingr'-Puck,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-02-15
Must Keen Right I'm.

Flatte-Is your boarding house up tt
date?