davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

Brow Of the Union Workngman.
Whenever ne found himself in a
Crowd he passed out Wheeling Torches
that had to be checked a couple of
times before the Match could be APP
piled.
If asked to give an Opinion on any
Issue he either backed into his Shell
or else got upon his Hind Legs and
demanded that the whole matter be
referred to the Peepul. He never de-
clared himself until the Horses Eyes
were set and all the Back Townships
were in, and then he would be found in
Seat No. 1 of the Red Band Wagon
doing an Obligato on the Brass Drum.
he did the wide Straddle until ne was
as timber as a Rag. he carried Water
on both shoulders Every time the
Wind shifted he luffed his Sails.
His Right Hand never knew what
the Left Hand was up to. One Even
ing he would preside at an Endeavor
Meeting so as to keep himself Strong
with the Milk-Drinkers and the Early
Closers. Next Evening he would slip
out and BOmbard the Alcohol in order
to square himself with the Saloon
Keepers Protective association. He
knew IL W6Gld mean his Ruin if the
hite-RibbOners ever caught him go
ing into a Life-Saving Station, SO
when he wanted to buy a short line of
FuseI Oil for the organized HOboes. he
would sneak up an Alley anG crawl
over the TransOm.
in order to get a better side-hold on
the untrammeled Voter, he Joined all
the Secret Societies that are men,
toned in the back part of the Di-
rectOry- He took a new kind Of Bis
tering Oath Every Night. When he
got through he had Badges enough to
fill a Show Window ana he couldn't
have thrown a Brick out of a Window
without hitting a Brother
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
By George Ade

dried. An would have been Lovslz II
the Chairman had not stubbed his Toe.
While the Body was waiting for the
Committee on Resolutions 10 patch Up
q Platform that would guarantee 3
Millennium In less than eighteen
Months, a Delegate from Eastwood
County suggested that they listen to a
few Remarks from the Hon. Homer
Hitchcock, the silver tongued Orator Of
Fox River. Thereupon a tail. pase
Young Man with a heavy Forelock and
a hypnotic Eye stood before the Con
vention and began a low, sweet Siren
Song that soon had every Country Del
egate sitting on the edge Of hts Chair.
As he warmed up he reached into the
Azure Dome and begun plucking cut
the Stars Of Glory, which he iugEIed.
keeping six in the Air at the same
time. He unfurled the Emblem OF Lib
erty and raised it on a metaphoricsI
Flag STAFF, which he twined with all
the Flowers Of English Speech. Then
he touched Off the Fire Works and
there was a Stampede. The Delegates
climbed up on top Of one another.
whOoped. howled, broke the Furniture.
frothed at the Mouth and fell over in
Commissions. The Reporters broke their
Pencils trying to describe the Scene.
After the Storm broke the Hon. Trim
mer had the same Chance that a Load
of Straw has when il meets a cyclone
coming in the Opposite Direction. The
Boy Orator was nominated by Aocla-
nation and the Veteran Party Worker
found himself in the Ash Heap, for the
Rule is, only one Try for Goal.
MORAL, When q Man gets what fs
Coming to him. it is sometimes very
Difficult for him to see it in that Light.
Copyright, 1901, by Robert Howard Rus
sen)
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
|HO0OA -. 0OSCOH a0dthe TobOgga0 Finish

~ nee there was a Man who
had an Itching 20 be Gov
ernor Of the State. He
wanted to be the real Rim
kaboo and sit On a $6S Leather Chair
up at the Executive Mansion and
make the Country Politicians eyawl
into his presence.
The Man with the ingrowIng Am
bition did not let on that he was out
Tor the main Plum. He dipped into
Party Work because he believed in
Honest Government. For fear that the
Public would not know this, he spoke
OF It - or IA times every Day. But
ne was good AID careful to Solidify
himself in his own BailiWtck. so that
when the time came he could have
the Home Delegation under his
Thumb. He had heard that the Office
should seek the Man and not the Man
the Office, but he felt certain that
when the Governorship came seeking
him, IL would not have to carry a
Eearch-Light.
As soon as the Hon. Trimmer had
got we'll started in Politics. he went
10 q Surgeon and had his Backbone
removed. He had seen a lot OF Spine
less Statesmen copper the big LOz-
enges while the Stiff-Necks and the
Bul-Heads would Fan Out when they
came before g Convention. He had
read in History that Clay and Calhoun
and Webster fell down on their High
Ambitions because they had too many
Positive Convictions and sometimes
rubbed the Httenish Voter the wrong
way Of the Fur. The Hon Mr. Trim
uer resolved to be different from Clay
and Calhoun and Webster and it did
not come hard to him. He could have
been Different without trying.
that would CRATE On the Prejudice of
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
dent of Leland Stanford University

and to that only, would strengthen all
other universities everywhere.
The recent organization Of q Wash
ington memorial looks in the right d.
rection-that of utilizing for study the
stores Of museums and Libraries. But
it will fail. and deserves to fail. If it is
not made primarily and from the start
a public enterprise.
It should rest on an appropriation
by congress, made with open eyes for
this definite purpose. Private gifts
should be received. but they should
not control or direct its purpose.
1t is the essence Of democratic gov
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
BY DOROTHY DIX

Of being a sweetheart to the hard Job
Of being a wife should be taught.
Most men simply kick the props out
from under courtship and let the bride
drop with a dull, cold thud on the &C
Qualities of life, with nothing to break
the fall
No sane person can go through the
world with a hectic flush and a 104
temperature, asking, Whose ducky is
OO?" but il is worth while to remem-
Der that affection is as necessary to a
woman as sunshine and light, and that
when a husband ceases TO make love
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

should not be a college nor a profess
sional school; it should have no exam
nations and grant no degrees. It
should have none of the devices by
which men have been driven or coaxed
into study It should be generously
equipped so that no startling work
need be done, and it should deal with
ion
1t is not true that such an institu-
ton would be corrupted by politics. 1t
would purify politics It is not true
that we have Institutions enough TO
do all the university work that needs
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

universities. It should apply to a ma
tiOnaI university as well. There are
means of training stored up at the ma
tiOnal capital which should be utilized
in higher education.
These are in the museums, the con-
gressiOnal library, the observatory and
in the opportunities to study the work
ings OF democratic government. These
should be cO-Ordinated at the public
expense by means Of a band of chosen
professors.
These professors should be investi-
gators who should teach by training
Investigation The national university
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

to his wife, some other man frequently
begins.
Another point on which the would-be
bridegroom should be 50 posted that
he could say it backward or forward
is that matrimony works no miracles in
character
You can't lead a giddy butterfly up
to the altar and escort a practical cook
and washwoman out. An idOt before
marriage is going to be a fool after
ward. Sharp-tempered maidens don't
turn into patient Griseldas.
What a girl was before marriage sha
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

need insisting upon.
But why should such a good thing
as a school for matrimony be a femi-
nine monopoly Just as many men
marry as women, and there is just as
wide q field for missionary effort among
prospective benedicts as there is among
prospective brides. AS it is, a mans
sole idea of fitting himself to be a good
husband is to make enough money to
pay his wife's bills
We all know that the American man
is so much the best thing going in the
husband line that to mention his faults
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

is almost like looking a gift horse in the
mouth, but even he is better for a
little training and teaching.
It is this that makes men who have
been married preferred risks in matri-
mony. They have been through the
school Of experience and the woman
who marries an American widower may
rest assured that she is getting the
nearest earthly approach to unparal-
leled perfection in a husband.
Unfortunately, the number OF widow
ers is not enough to go around, and II
Is in supplying a satisfactory substitute
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

" essential to national growth. The
state cannot wisely leave its develop
ment to charity or TO the interest of
religious denominations or Of private
giVeTs.
Whatever is needful for the grow h
Of the nation the people should give,
should own and control. BY the infiu-
eace Of public institutions the institu-
tiOns founded By individuals or bv
churches viii be kept democratic and
kept in the line OF meeting the public
needs.
This view applies to the public
schools, the high schools and the state
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

Ignorance is the bane Of matrimony.
Il is sadly true that domestic expert
ence comes at the wrong end of life,
and by the time we acquire q working
capital of it it is too late to use it.
Before a girl has learned to keep
house OF manage a husband she has
generally killed him with dyspepsia or
lost his affection, and has no use for
her hardly acquired knowledge. So the
advantage Of marrying a woman who
knows her business and is a trained
professional, so to speak, instead of
half-baked amateur, is too obvious TO
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

eminent that it should learn by its own
mistakes. Blunders have been made
in the control Of every public institu-
ton but the institution arises
strengthened from the results OF its
own errors.
The more important the institution,
the more enlightened the public opin-
ion which controls 1t. When the uni
versity Of the United States arises at
Washington we shall be proud of its
work, and every interest IN our coun-
try viii be helped by it.
Copyright, 1901, by ". r. Hearst.)
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

to be done. So loug as any institution
In the world offe,s better facilities for
inye cation than ours, then we have
not universities enough.
II the establishment of a better uni
versity at Washington should turn
stud ants from universities we have,
this is an argument for it. There are
facilities for certain lines of work at
the capital which exist nowhere else.
Let US utilize these and not compel
students to put up with inferior things.
But the talk Of rivalry is absurd. The
growth Of a real university at Wash
ington, one devoted to investigation
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

any Voter White or coiored. He was
going to be EveTybody's Friend. So
he became q Hand Shaker and q Wits
peFlng Jelly-Eish. All during his
Waking Hours he wore a Smile that
would melt Butter. He took the dusty
Agriculturist TO his Bosom and tried to
plant a Kiss of True Affection on the
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

and foreclose Mortgages. His Picture
was on many Banner. With the Fol-
lowing that he had recruited. it seemed
that his Nomination was a Moral Ger
tainty.
He went to Convention Hall with
Speech of Acceptance already prepared.
The Programme had been cut and
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
HIGHER EDUCATION AS A FUNCTION OF GOVERNMENT
B. D. dSarrJad enfdL adS anrd Lnurd

= BELIEVE firmly in the public
foundation, support and control
OF institutions Of higher eGuca-
ton. I believe in the encour-
agement and recognition Of those On
pTivais foundations.
But the university has public func-
lions to perform, and these can be
made secure only by the establishment
OF such institutions at public cost and
Ulder public control.
The university is an institution vital
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

that the school for husbands VIII get
in its philanthropic and benedcent
work, for the average husbands faults
are the result Of ignorance and not of
intention.
When he tramples all over the flower
beds in his wife's heart. It is because
he doesn't know any better, and is so
dull he can't read the Keep Off the
Grass" sign.
To begin with, then, the school for
husbands should start with kinder
garten class, in which the art of letting
q girl down gently from the soft snap
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

As soon as he had the Church Peo-
pie and the Liquor Merchants and the
Changers and the FrateTnsl Orders and
the Labor Organizations friendly to
him, he was ready TO begin Trading.
The Slate Makers wEo get into a Back
Room and anticipate the Wishes of
the Rank and File, found that they
could not sidetrac1' the Claims Of the
Hon. Trimmer, so he butted into the
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

teach the pupils all the arts
of housewifery. but the secret of re-
tanning a husbands love.
Only gilt-edged articles will be
turned out, and a blue-ribboned diplo-
ma from this nozzle institution will be
q guarantee that the holder thereof is
q household angel, destined to bless any
man lucky enough to get her
This is a move in the right direction.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
FOR WIVES. BY

SCHOOL for wives has been
started in England, in which
it is proposed TO not only
teach the nIInils all the ants
The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1901-09-20
BAD TIME FOR SMUGGLING
Patriotic Americans Noticed
Man With Hat On.

The Hamburg American steamship Bel
gravia arrived at Hoboken at three
o'clock yesterday afternoon with large
number of passengers, most of whom
were tourists returning from abroad. AT
$50 o'clock the passengers were crowded
on the pier waiting while their baggage
was undergoing inspection. The customs
inspectors and 'longshoremen stopped
work Immediately on the roke of the
half hour and for five mir ,ees stood with
barred heads while a 4ouble quartette,
composed of custor inspectors, sang
Nearer, Ny God, to Thee" The pas
sengers Joined in the service, many OF
them assisting in the singing. At the
close of the hymn the band of the steam
ship Pennsylvania lying at the opposite
pier played Chopin's funeral march.
1t was noticed that one of the passen-
gers, a man, did not remove his hat dur
ing the ceremony. The actions OF the
man were so suspicious that Chief Gus
toms Inspector Donohue ordered that his
clothing be searched. When the man S
hat was removed by an inspector one
dozen spoons and a handsome opera
glass were discovered in it. The goods
were subject to a duty of about $40 and
had. not been included in the mans de-
claration. The passenger said he was O..
Hallsteadt. a professor, occupying
chair in the University of Milwaukee. He
agreed to pay the duty on the goods and
was not arrested. 1t was said that there
was no University of Milwaukee.
The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1901-09-20
PASSED BAD MONEY
Two Men Arrested and
Held for InVes-
tigation.

Policeman Edward OConnor of the
First precinct police station. this morning
arrested two Italians who gave their
names as Thomas Mario. twenty-four
years old, of Suffern, New York, and John
Burn, thirty-five years old, of No. 556
First street, on charge Of passing coun-
terfeit money The officers attention was
called to Mario at 4:3O o'clock while he
was standing in front of the saloon of
John O'Brien, at No. III Brunswick street.
John Mccain, the bartender, told OCon-
nor that Mario had offered him fifty
cent piece made of lead in payment for a
glass of soda. O'Connor asked the man
where he got the money and the man re-
fused to tell anything about himself OF
the money. He was finally competed to
give an accounting, and then he said he
had been given the half dollar by Burn.
Mario told O'Connor where Burn lived,
and the officer arrested Burn at his home.
Burn denied any criminal intention, and
said he had received the bad money in
change for S. bill in New York City few
days ago and thought it was good. Mar
to said he was on his way to catch a train
for his home when he went into the sa-
loon to get drink.
Both men were arraigned before Aci-
ing Police Justice Mccormick in the f-rst
Criminal Court and held to await exami
nation by United States Commissioners
Rowe. The case will not be heard until
Secret Service men finish their investiga
tons.
The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1901-09-20

of the fact that the two boys who were
bitten at the same time and by the same
dog have since died. 1t is the intention
of the parents of these children to take
them to the Pasteur Institute for exam
nation
Mrs. Kennedy was seen by reporter
this morning and she said
Il have never seen any signs of Illness
III Robert and I don't think he will get
hydrophobia but shall take him to the
Pasteur Institute to have him examined.
He has not complained of any pains. lie
is a healthy boy"
Mrs Broderick said:-"Dora has not
shown any pain and has not been sick. I
don't think she will get hydrophobia, but
shall have her examined at Pasteur IN
stitute to make sure
The dog that bit these children went
mad from the heat on July 29 in Mercer
street, near Monmouth street, and
rushed to Brunswick street, where it ran
into a crowd of youngsters, one of whom
was the Eckert boy. 1t then darted
across lots to Montgomery street and bit
negro boy, whose identy has not yet
been learned 1t dashed down Montgom-
cry street to Henderson, to Newark ave-
nue., where it bit Kennedy. Then it turii-
ed on its tracks and when it reached
Washington and York 1T bit Kazan. As
it turned into Morgan street at Washing
ton it bit Dora Broderck, and was then
crowded into the river, whore it was shot.
The Kazan boy will be buried Monday
morning.
The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1901-09-20
GRAND JURY RESOLUTIONS
VIM. H. BROWNING,
Recording Secretary,

The Grand Jury on Wednesday adopte
the following resolutions relative to tn
death Of President Mckinley
Whereas. William Mckinley, Presi-
dent of The United States, nov lies
dead as a result of wounds lnf11cted py
a cowardly assassin; and
Whereas, The craven act was made
possible by the free and unrestricted
liberty accorded to everyone under our
form of government, the abuse OIL
which. in this most deplorable in
starce calls for the most stringent re-
pressive measures against the iaWless
class of which the assassin IS d tyPe'
and
Whereas. In the death of our beloved
President not only the United states
but the entire civilized and CHRISTIAN
world joins n mourning tie loss OF d
wise. Just and God-fearing man whose
name and memory will ever be cherish
ed as enbodying the nignest Type Oh
American manhood; therefore be IL
Resolved, That the Grand Inquest OF
the County of Hudson in regular ses-
sion assembled do deeply deplore the
1Intimely decease of our President,
and as a further mark of our respect
to his beloved memory DO adjourn
without transacting any further pusl-
ness; and
Resolved. That we call on the au-
thorities of all municipal cities OF TINS
State to adopt the most rigorous meas
llres for the stamping out of anarchy
and its despicable disciples, and thus
prevent a recurrence of the deplorable
tragedy which has plunged the world
- JOSEPH A. RIORDAN,
FRED. T. FARRIER.
w c. LEWIS.
RICHARD BOWES,
ANTON MARKERT, JR.
The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1901-09-20
EMMA GOLDMAN HERE
Police Are Convinced That
She Visited Mrs.
Bresci.

The police of Jersey City, Hoboken and
New York are convinced that Emma
Goldman has recently visited Cliffs1de
Park, where Mrs. Bresci, the widow of
the assassin of King Humbert, now makes
her home. Mrs. Bresci today indignantly
denied that she has any acquaintance
with Miss Goldman.
1t is known that many Anarchists live
within very few miles of Mrs. Bresci,
and Miss Goldman would have found
many enthusiastic followers in the neigh
borhood, even if she had not called upon
the wife of Humbert's murderer.
Ever since the assassination of Presi-
dent Mckinley detectives and Secret Ser
vice men have been working in and about
Cliffside for traces of the Goldman wom-
ans visit, but their findings have been
sent to Washington only and the utmost
secrecy maintained as to their movements
and the results.
Mayor Neuman, of Cliffside Park, has
consulted Justice Zabriskie In relation to
Mrs Besci's continued residence in Cliff
side, his invitation to her to move, her re-
fusal and the feeling among the residents
that she should be compelled to move.
Justice Zabriskie advised the Mayor to
keep a close watch on Mrs. Bresci. He
said that as long as she lives quiet ard
respectable life she must be permitted to
enjoy the same rights as other persons.
Anarchists visiting her, any encouragement
to anarchism Judge Zabriskie said, would
warrant the law taking it's course, as Ill
other anarchistic demonstrations.
After the conference Mayor Neuman
said the first movement toward a meeting
or demonstration of any kind at the house
would be signal for action on his part,
and Mrs. Bresci would find herself in the
hands of the law if she were in any Way
responsible or interested.
Arrangements were made yesterday to
appoint fifty county policemen for Cliff
side Park. In case of a meeting or
gathering of Anarchists arrests will be
made and prosecutions follow.
Mrs. Bresci remains defiant She says
she is not an Anarchist and will fight
every inch of the way. She said she
could entertain friends in her yard or
home and the authorities could not stop
her.
sI SUPPOSE. she said, ~ will be hound
ed every place go and branded as an
Anarchist. The police would like to see
me driven to the poor-house and left there
to die"
The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1901-09-20
CONVERTS IMMERSED
Baptisma1 Exercises Yesterday by
Faith Curists at Chapel Avenue.

The feature of the convocation services
of the Church of the First Born yester-
day was the immersion of new converts.
Their ewere ten of these who responded
for baptismal exercises and they were
immersed in the waters of New York Bay
at the foot of Chapel avenue. The pas
tor, the Rev. Martin Hancox, was in
charge and he led the converts, five of
whom were women, into the water. Pas
tor and converts were clad in rubber
clothing. AS each convert was baptized
glad cries went up from the Faith Cur
lists on the shore.
In the afternoon impressive and solemn
services were held in the church on Bran
hall avenue. Mrs. Antoinette jackson.
the founder of the sect, presided, and at
$50 o'clock the congregation sang
Nearer, My God to Thee" and LEAD.
Kindly Light" in respect to the MEM
ory of the late President Mckinley The
convocation will continue several days.