davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

Doctor-Do you know that at times
my patriotism almost prompts me to
give up my practice and enlist in our
country's cause in the Philippines"
Experienced Patient ION the spur OF
the moment)-You will surely SOW the
seeds of CONSERVATION in the ranks OF
the enemy, doctor, if you charge them
as you have charged me.-Richmond
Dispatch.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
The Cares of Riches.

do you find the possession Of large
sum of money occasions worry" said
the inquisitiye man.
81 do" answered the millionaire.
what sort of worry?"
IVORY for fear somebody is going
to get it away from me."-Washington
Star.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

Some old settlers still occasionally
get excited over baseball games, but 1t
is long time since we have heard of
case of apoplexy due to this cause.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
Was Hungry.

Passenger e q. NIL say, old sport,
what o'clock is it?
Second Officer-We have no such
thing as o'clock on board ship, sir. 1t
Is bells here.
Passenger please have me call
ed in time for the first breakfast bell.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
The Ovcrcoat Vacation.

Eyes, when put away my overcoat
for the summer drop a camphor ball
in each pocket"
do you? Three gilt balls are enough
for e"-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
A renrnrnd Variety.

What kind Of town IL that place
you've been visiting, Laurar'
"Oh, it's the kind that always has q
rain going on when you get there"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

The story that Mr.. Morgan had &C
quired the Washington monument and
would chop it up into fence posts for
his estate in the country is denied.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

"Mr. Johnsing, can you tole me
what's de difference between a Span
ish amusement an what a savage dog
gets out Of tramp"
Oats too rich for me. What's de
answerT
tits dead easy. One am bull fight
de odder a full bite"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

what makes you sc unfriendly to
that newcomer"
WELL" said Bronco Bob, 1.-The fust
thing he said when he struck the town
was that he thought Of edith paper
in Crimson Gulch. hate to see man
come around like that advertiser his
self as bloodthirsty an troublesome.
Washington Star.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

Rowland Rantt-You are new mem
Der of our company. May 1 ask, sir,
your role?
The Other-I am the advance agent.
Rowland Rantt-Indeed! Well, could
you-er-advance me q flver?-Phila-
delphia Record.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

believe only half you hear" says
the proverb; but when a woman tells
you her age the chances are you VIII
hear only half what you believe.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
A Careless Remark.

81 am really afraid you hurt that
actors feelings" said Miss Cayenne.
"In what way"
you said he played his part very
well. You know he is very sensitive,
and by using the word part he may
have thought you were trying to imply
that he is not the whole show."-Wash-
ington Star.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

The Sultan of Morocco is learning to
play the bagpipe. He must have I'M
bounded confidence in the loyalty of his
subjects.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
Tho Humor. of Travel.

did Clara bring home an interesting
lot Of photographs of her foreign tourT'
"Yes-dreadfully funny; she didn't
write names on them and can't tell
what more tl6n half of them are"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
"a to the New Pn.tor.

Maud-How do you like our new
clergyman?
heard him preach yet, but he COLTS
beautifully!
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
A Misht.

THAT engagement Of young Mr..
Dolley and Miss Kittish is broken off,"
what was the cause?"
20, Dolley put his foot in 1t as usual"
"HowT
HE was trying to pay her a compli-
ment and said she'd been looking real
pretty the last few days"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

The Chronic Discussionist (truculent-
ly)-If Andrew Jackson were alive to-
day what would be his sentiments IN
this matter?
The Sober Minded Citizen (wearily)-
He would be glad he was dead. pre-
sume.-Puck.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

That new contrivance which does
away with the telephone girl still re-
tains a feminine feature answers
back.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

A Philosopher.
Wife-There's a burglar down cellar,
Henry.
Husband-Well, my dear, we ought to
be thankful that we are upstairs.
Wife-But he'll come up here.
Husband-Then We'll 60 down cellar,
my dear. Surely, 1O-room house ought
to be big enough to hold three people
without crowding.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
Busineaa Repartee.

Buainca9 Replrtec.
Strange Lady-What's the price Of
this iron bedstead?
Dealer-Twelve dollars, madame.
Strange Lady-How much of If pay
cash?
Dealer-Madame, If you don't pay
cash the bed Is not for sale.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

Too many men in this country vote
as they pray-and they never pray un-
less it is to ask personal favor.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
Too Late.

He-Your father ought to know what
1 have to say to him. have been COM
ing here so long.
She-I am afraid he has given up Ill
hope.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

The Spirits Ca1mer Retreat.
Zones, next door, is getting old"
"What do you 60 by?"
Hes quit talking baseball and gone
to talking garden"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
A Man OF Courage.

She-I didn't suppose you had the
nerve to kiss me.
He-Oh, yes. have got nerve enough
to do anything.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

well, Jimmie, do you want gran'pa,
and pa and ma and Aunt Carrie to take
you to the circusT'
"No, pa; I'd rather 60 TIL Tommy
Dobbs."
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
Close Quarters.

She-Am 1 really the first girl you
ever Rugged?
He-Y-e-s; but I've made calls on
girls who lived in flats.-New York
Weekly.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

ItdCHtI- HUIHdSi give IHt your Iutd
of the differences between q curve and
an angle.
Tommy Tucker-My Aunt Ann is oil
curves, and my Aunt Hepsy is all an
giles.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

The poet writes lines on time-and
time retaliates by writing lines on him.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

Mistress-And you say your brother
choked to death? What ONT
Maid-On q chair, ma'am. He was
eating dinner.-Indianapol Sun.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INGS HERE AND THERE.

Jokes and Jokc1ets that Are Supposed
to Have Been Recently Born-Sayings
and DoinRs that Are Old, Curious and
LauShable-The Weeks Humor.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
Bound to Kick.

Sharpson-You made $4,000 clear
last year, and yet you're complaining
of your hard luckl
Phlatz-Well, blame it, look at that
49,"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
A DiaagreeabIe Characteristic.
Margaret-Why, Katharine?

a Disagreeable Characteristic.
Katharine-I detest that Mr.. Thing
ton.
Margaret-Why, Katharine?
"Oh, he's the kind Of man who al
ways calls when you are expecting
somebody else who doesn't come
Life.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
Appreciation Appreciated.

docs cook complain Of my healthy
appetite?"
"Oh, no; she says she would rather
cook for six men with big appetites
than for one woman without any,"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

On the Part of tho Customers.
Proprietor (of restaurant)-I believe
our new cashier will bear watching.
Assistant-Bear It? Why, she posi-
lively enjoys It'll
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
She Had Been Through the Pocket.

MRS. see by this mornings paper
that there is very little change in mems
trousers this spring.
Mr.-Yes, I notice that.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03
Dire.

Clubberly-Just because 1 haven't
paid my bill for year, my tailor won't
make me another suit Of clothes.
Castleton-What will you do?
II shall threaten to take my trade
elsewhere"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-08-03

"In Bed with the Grip"
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13

gle was over. closing with a sketch of the city today. T. J. J. See describes in popular vein The Limits of the Stellar Universe. Kate Stephens analyses the Typical New England Woman, while Caroline Ticknor draws an amusing contrast between the modern Gibson girl and her old-fashioned steei-en- graving predecessor. l.. P. Smith in An Old Dairy, and Rowland E. Rob- inson in A Quaker Boyhood, give quaint and curious pictures of the char acter and habits of Quakers in two far-separated generations. Miss John ston's Audrey quickens its pace and be- gins to glow with romantic interest, while Miss Jewett's Tory Lover, ap- preaching Its end. enters upon scenes of touching pathos and intense action. Eugere K. White treats some Aspects of the American Exposition with especial reference to the marvellous electric displays there shown. G. 5. Wasson and others contribute short stories. The number also contains a notable group of outdoor poems by fav- orites and prominent authors. and the always entertaining and characteristic Contributors Club.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13
DIVORCE SUIT WITHDRAWN. Mr. and Mrs. B. A. Lewis Will Again
 Live Together.

Huntsville, July E.--(Speciai)-MTs. B. A. Lewis has withdrawn from the Chancery Court the suit she recently flied for divorce from her husband, B. A. Lewis, manager of the Lewis Luin- ber Company. Mir and Mrs. Lewis have settled their difference out oi court and will again live together.
 Mrs. L,wis Is at present In Fay ettevilie and she will be joined there in a few days by her husband and to- gether they will so to the Pan- -Ameri- can Exposition. returning tU this city after a few days.
 Information has been received here of the appointment of Miss l.iia War wick. formerly of this city. to a po- sition as school teacher in the Philip pine Islands. The appointment was made by the United States Govern ment. Miss Warwick is well known in this city and is sister of Captain o. B. Warwick. who was killed a year ago while leading his company of the 18th Infantry in battle with the Fill pino insurgents.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13
CHICAGO NOT A SEAPORT.
Nevertheless She Sends Ships AcrosI
 the Ocean.

In q letter from Chicago to The Bos- ton Transcript under date If June 18th, the Rev. willima E. Barton said:
 The customs authorities at Wash ington have decided that Chicago is not a seaport. Chicago receives the decision calmly and as another evt- dence of that provinciaiism for which the East is noted. Meantime she has been sailing her four new ships straight through the fogs of Newfound- land. and of public opinion, and the first of her vessels, the Northwestern, tied up last Sunday morning at the Liverpool docks. It must be confessed that she had a hard run of 1t. She steamed out of Chicago River on the morning of April 2k with a large mis- cellaneous cargo. The St. Clair River was blocked with ice and the vessel sustained severe injuries in the ice jam. which made 1t necessary for her to lie up at Detroit. Later she ran aground on q bar in the St. Lawrence and so damaged her bottom that she had ogo into dock at Montreal. and was passed by her sister ship, the Northman. which sailed from Chicago five days later.
 Tt was six weeks from the time she started when she finally cleared the
 
 time being chargeable to delays. From the time she reached the ocean her voyage was uneventful, and though she saw the sun only three times and was in a fog two days. she kept her reckon ing well. Her best days run was 2S0 mites. and her lowest ls0 miles. and she ran from Sydney to Liverpool Tn Il days. arriving with cargo in excellent condition. In Liverpool she attracts much attention. so the cable says, the American flag being somewhat rare on a ship there. Chicago is said to hsve an important part in restoring the American Jack to its place on the high seas. and. undaunted by delays and canal charges. has sent out the two other ships--the Northeastern, which sailed May IS, and the Northtown. which sailed May 3i--and these, profit ing by the experience of the North western. were less heavily loaded. These four new vessels were built by the South Chicago Shipbuiiding Com pany, and are distinctly Chicago pro- duct.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13
DROUGHT AND HEAT.
Farmers Around Georgiana are Very
 Much Discouraged.

Georgiana, July 12.-(Special. .)-The protracted drought and extreme heat are becoming somewhat alarming in this section of the State. The immedi- ate neighborhood of Georgiana has had no rain of any consequence for the past six weeks. The gardens and the corn crop are ruined. The farmers say with all the rain that might fall from this time on it Is not possible for them to make anything like half a crop of corn.
 Rev. J. A. Wethers is In a dying con- dition at his home in this town. MT. Wethers Is a worthy Methodist minis ter,
 Mrs. Henry Cook died very suddenly yesterday morning at her home near here. She very recently had the meas les. but was supposed to be entirely well of the disease. Yesterday morn ing she was engaged in her usual household duties when she was taken quite sick and in a very short time she was corpse. Mrs. Cook was a sister of Mir. Jeff Hudson of Montgom- cry.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13
Given Commission as Dental Surgeon
 in United States Army.


 Washington. July l2.-Dr W. H. Chambers of Montgomery, Ala, has been appointed dental surgeon in the United States Army. with rank and pay of first lieutenant, and has been assigned to duty at Fortress Monroe Old Point Comfort. Va.
 An act of the last Congress provided for thirty dental surgeons to be select ed by competition. limited to regular practitioners, who are graduates of dental colleges. There were several hundred applicants from all parts of the country, including four from Ala bama. So far. only sixteen have been able to pass the rigid examinations, but the Beard will hold sessions here after in Chicago and San Francisco. when it is hoped the remaining num- Der will be secured.
 pr. Chambers's many friends in Montgomery, where he has practiced for several years since graduating from the Atlanta Dental College, will be glad to hear of hIs success, having graded high on all the branches of ex- animation.
 He is a nephew of Judge W. L. Chambers, formerly Chief Justice of samoa. now q member of the Spanish War Claims Commission, whose family he has been visiting in Washington. He will 20 to Alabama and will spend a week with his father and mother. Colo mel and Mrs. I. IT. Chambers. who re- side on the old family estate at OsT wichee, in Russell County. where the life is as nearly as possible after the style of -belium days.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13
The Julv Atlantic.

Louis Dyer opens the July Atlantic with an article calling attention to the saliant facts of the life and character of King Alfred the Great. A. P. Win ston describes Sixteenth Century Trusts. showing that such combina. tions are no new thing under the sun. H. D. Sedgwick. Jr.. sends a letter from Italy dealing especially with sone social and socialistic features. In New Orleans and Reconstruction. AL bert Phelps brilliantly arraigns the North for it's treatment of that city. He describes the unique culture and refinement of the ante-bellium city; ''the weary period of oppression, rob- bery and ruin" that fell upon 1t from the Butler Yankees" and their success sors. "the Carpet Baggers." down to the time when President Hayes withdrew the Federal troops and the long strug'
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13
Joseph SchWab,s Visit.

The presence of Joseph Schwab, brother and assistant to c. M. SchwRb, President of the United States Steel Corporation. in the district has created considerable talk, and there Is much speculation as to his purposes. By some it is thought that he has in mind recommending that his company build steel plant here, while others think that he is looking over the ground. posting himself in the event the steel trust decides to formally absorb any of the industrial corporations Of this district. This latter theory is most generally accepted as the correct one. MT. Schwab spent yesterday at Ensley. where he looked over the various iron and steel plants at that place. He has given out no statement, and those who have been with him are endeavoring to create the impression that Mir. Schwab is off on a short vacation.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13
FIRE AT LOWER PEACH TREE. House Belonging to W. L. Northrup
 Destroyed.

Lower Peach Tree. July l2.-(SpeciaI) -Yesterdaw about ii a. m.. while the family were cooking dinner, spark fell on the roof of Mr. William L. North rup's house and in spite of all efforts to extinguish it. the building with part of the contents waS destroyed.
 By the heroic efforts of Mrs. North rup and her daughters most of the fur niture and wearing apparel were saved. There was no insurance and the loss will fall very heavily on MT. Northrup. who is very highly esteemed by the people here. which is being evidenced by the help he Is receiving In a ma trial way. as well as the universal ex- pressions of sympathy for him and his very excellent family.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13
Responsible for Corrupt Politics
,,.u or,.sn. r,mes-pemocrat.

New Orleans Times-Democrat.
 As it was in Athens. so 1t would be in the United States. It is the rich and the learned and the aristocratic men Of the present day--men who will not have plebeianism to "come between the wind and their nobility-who- are main ly responsible for the ooze into which politics has fallen. It is their own standing aloof from the political arena that has been mostly productive of the political corruption and crooked ness of which they complain.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13
DEATH OF MRS. E. T. GLENN.
Wife of Treasurer of Alabama Poly
 technic Institute.

'" AAV SA SAO0oo&VA OA @AA&0oAAN 4 OAy
 technic Institute.
 Auburn. July l2.-Mrs. E. T. Glenn, wife of Mr. F. T. GIenn, the Treasurer of the Alabama Polytechnic Institute, died about ! o'clock last night. She had been ill several days. but seemed to be much better yesterday until about ' o'clock, when she suddenly grew worse and died almost instantly. The funeral will be at o'clock this afternoon,
 Prof. Charles B. Glenn of Birnine- ham and Miss Allie Glenn, who was visiting in that city, arrived at l2 o'clock today
 Mrs. Glenn was s5 years of age at the time of her death, and has lived at or near Auburn almost all of her life. She leaves q large number of friends and relatives who sustain a great loss in her death. She was a most loyal and uscfuI member of the Metho- dist Church.
 Miss Annie L. billiard. the acting postmaster here, is critically III at the home of Mrs. W. c. Dowdell.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13
With the Miners.

President Flynn, of the United Mine Workers of America, Division of Ala hama, went to Carbon Hill today for the purpose of rendering assistance to the miners at that place in tine matter of adopting wage scale for the en- suing year Cyrus Garnsey. General Manager of the Galloway Coal and Coke Company of Carbon Hill. went out on the same train. and a settle ment of the wage question at the Gal loway mines will probably be brought about also.
 President Flynn this morning receiv- cd telegram from Corona stating that the Corona Coal and Iron Company had refused to sign a scale with the min CTS as desired by the latter and re- questing him to go do that place at once. Mir. Flynn will not be able to reach Corona before next week.
 The miners and operators at Bril- liant. in Marion County, have reached an understanding and the miners have returned to work with a scale signed up.
 The annual convention of the Ala bana Division of the United Mine Workers of America, has been fixed for
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13
Lucas Goes to Beaumont.

Mobile. July l: Especial. )-Captain Lucas passed through the city early this morning on his return from the inspection of the oil fields above thiP city. He is en route to Beaumont. He did not stop here. out 1t was given out that there were no deals made on account of his visit. though 1t Is be- lieved that he will become interested in the lands he inspected later
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13
AT CAMP R. N. RHODES
OFFICERS IN MOURNING FOB ".
 J. SAMTORD.
The State Railroad Commission il Strongly Criticised at a Meeting of the Shippers and Buy
 ers' Association.

Birmingham, July 12.-(SpeciaD--ccl- cnel E. l.. Higdon. commanding the 3rd regiment Alabama National Guard. In camp at Camp Rufus N. Rhodes. at the State Fair Groun.Ie 1as issued an order directing the officers of the regi- ment to wear the usual badge of mourning for period of thirty days in memory of the late Governor William J. Sanford, who was the Commander in-Chief of the State militia. He has also issued another order detailing Quartermaster Sergeant P. M. John son of company A, as Acting Regimen tai Quartermaster. Musician H. A. Egbert of company E, has been de- tailed as Assistant Resimentai Bugier. General Or6ers No. I, issued yester- day complimented Sergeant A. w. Armstrong of company l. on the ex- cellence of his reports to headquarters. Order No. F. requires all the officers to register at the Adjutants tent be- fore leaving the camp and prohibits gambling m the camp. Colonel Higdon has given the soldiers to understand that the encampment is not for the purpose of indulging in 'frolic but is for hard work in training the men in military discipline. He is preparing to request each officer in the regiment to forward to the headquarters some communication, the oD1ect Deing 10 give instruction in the manner to the headquarters official documents. Ii is proposed by Colonel Higdon that after the encampment ali communications to headquarters will be returned when not forwarded through the proper channels. The attendance of visitors at the camp last night was unusually large. Memoiis band gave a concert with dance music in the pavilion in front of the grand stand which was much enjoyed by ali present. It Is in- tended te nave a dance In the pavilion every evening during the encampment A guard will be on hand to prevent any disturbance. Tonight light refresh ments were served in the pavilion and a pleasant evening was enjoyed by all present The extremely warm weather is quite trying on the soldiers but there is an abundance of shade trees in the camp and the boys do not suf- fer as much as they might otherwise. The guard detail for today was: Om- cer of the Day, Captain B. H. Barr company l.: Senior Officer of the Guard. Lieutenant James O'Rear; Ju- nior Officer Of the Guard, Lieutenant Wsrd of Company E.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13

Criminal Court this nerniag and Judge FeaEin informed the defendant that be would hold him to the grand jury in ' bond of $a00. However. the case was held up until next Monday by whieh time bond will be furnisheL The case Of carrying concealed weapons was also passed until Monday.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-07-13
Death of Miss Jnlia Daniel.

Eufaula, July 1s.-(special)--Miss Ju- Ha Daniel died at the home Of her parents, MT. and Mrs. c. F. s. Daniel, iast night after an illness Of three weeks, srom typhoid fever. She was about I5 years old end vas loved and esteemed by a wide circle of friends. The funeral occurred this afternoon from the family residence on Highland AyeDue