Sunday morning globe., 1901-10-06
FOSSILS AND FAXES
Drawing Salaries Under Pension
Commissioner 4. Clay Evans.

VI dWlhk 9dldl lCo uhuGl ANAoiVA
Commissioner 4. Clay Evans.
The three most important oficials
in the Pension Oflce-in their own con-
ceit At least-are Josiah Shaw, the au-
thor Of the celebrated monthly report;
George Godron, the keeper Of the time
record and Daddy Gambrill, the Gus
todian OF the standing and regulations
Of doctors, and oficial capacity Of JUS
tees of the peace and notaries public
They consider themselves absolutely
indispensable to the existence Of the
Office How the wheels Of this great
mill Of injustice could reyolve without
his monthly report is to Shaw unthink-
able Impressed with the awful re-
sponsibility which rests upon him, and
knowing that there is no one now liy-
ing who could take his place, he is ex-
tremely careful Of his health. This is
the only way to account for his men
tai Incidence and physical inactivity.
1t would be utterly impossible for any
one with a drop of honest blood in his
veins to accept $3.50 per month with
out rendering something like an equiv
alent in return, unless he was so pun
ed UP with the idea of his own import
ance that he considered his mere pres
ence sufficient Shaw is not naturally
indoleut, but he fears that the slight
est mental or physical exertion would
cause a complete breakdown Then
what? Why, the Office would have to
close for there would be no one to pre-
pare the monthly report. A thousand
incompetent men and women would be
thrown on to a hustling world to pro-
vide for themselves. People look on
Josiah Shaw as the embodiment Of in
dolence, ignorance and selhshness, but
they do not read his nature correctly.
| When they see his pay envelope car
ried to him they say, why, he is too
internally lazy to go upstairs for his
money" They do not consider the
burden he Is carrying-the weight Of
his own importance, There is a mark
ed change I'm Shaw since The Globe
commenced to notice him. He has lost
great deal Of his bullying, domineer-
ing manner. There are times when his
eyes snap and he is about to vent his
venom, but he thinks Of The Globe,
and the rest Of his face begins to apol-
ogize for his rashness. He is becom-
ing very humble now even to his infe,
riors. When he announces that the
monthly report is ready IL is In tone
that is scarcely audible
Mr.. Godron, the second in point OF
importance is a very remarkable man.
! He possesses the rare talent of telling
annual leave from sick leave, leave
without pay. or any other old leave.
He scarcely ever misses the mark OF
! course there are times when his men
i AaN &c IFeHtHwaaT hrr
wag putting a perpleXing question to
him. For instance, a clerk asked him
one day: George II an irresistible
/ force met an immovable body what
would that be?" After a moments hes
itation, George replied: why, that
would be sick leave, providing he had
| taken all his annual Hold on" he
cried as the clerk was about to depart,
81 will have to see them upstairs about
that. l never had a case like that be-
| fore"
Last, but not least, is old Daddy
Gambrill the high lord chancellor OF
the Middle Division. He has outlived
his usefulness long ago. He is retain
ed at a salary Of $1,4O0 per year as a
sort Of landmark or a relic Of bygone
ages It is said that he was an old
man when some of the oldest men in
the Office were in pinafores. However,
it is amusing to watch him performing
what he calls his duty" As a clerk
approaches him, he asks, in a weak,
| faint voice, What can / do for you?"
as II there were a hundred things that
/ he was in the habit of doing. HAS
| w. S. Robinson filed?" the clerk in
quiries. 'Tll tell you in a minute" he
replies as he reaches for a stack OF
card slips After looking through
| them for about IS minutes, he will say,
"Ha, ha! l got HIM. I knew | had
him. W. l.. Johnson" But" the clerk
says, 1T is not Johnson, 1t is Robin
| SON." "Oh, hol l thought you said
| Johnson" After considerable dim
| Guilty he replaces the stack Of card
slips and brings down another stack.
/ He goes through the same tedious
searching. At the expiration Of an
| other 15 minutes, he will announce,
with something like a chuckle, Now
I've got him-B. F. Thompson. knew
/ / had him" But it is not B. +.
| Thompson l want" the clerk ejacu-
! lates, 1T is w. s. Robinson" "Oh. no;
ha, hal l thought you said ThOmp-
| son, You must speak a little louder"
So the farce comedy proceeds at Uncle
Sans expense, and II. Clay Evans
would have the nation believe that he
is an honest, efficient and conscientious
public servant. The Globe proposes to
expose his mental and physical inca
pables to the public gaze and let the
pubic draw their own conclusion. The
| abundance Of deadWood in his office is
almost incredible.
CONTINUED in our nextO