The Washington times., 1901-09-29
ANCIENT FOOD TESTERS.
Mankind's Debt to the Heroes of the
Scrub Age"

| VI du great mysteries IN tnlS VOTl0,
remarked the Hungry Man. as he gave
his order to the waiter, that of food Is
one of the most fascinating. We mod
ern folks who enjoy the benefits of other
peoples experience and discoveries, sell
dom give to this fact thought. but new
ertheless the fact remains. Let me Illus
| trate. There is our good friend the mush-
room. for instance. and likewise our arch
enemy, the toadstool. They are so like
each other in appearance that even to this
day luckiess mortals occasionally eat the
| wrong and join the ranks of the
toadstool eaters of the past. Before folks
| learned to distinguish the difference,
| therefore, what a lot of ca1amities must
have been brought about through the un-
| fortunate resemblance and mans equally
| deplorable ignorance To the Stone Age.
| the Age of Reptiles and the other prehis-
| toric periods, there should be added still
| another, the Grub Age. q
| 1T strikes me that the Grub Age, that
| indefinite epoch when the human race
was making the acquaintance of its daily
| fare, must have been very trying, not to
say painful portion OF the worlds history.
| We are told in tradition that the ancients
very generally were hardy races. They
| needed to be. for, compared with the dis
| covery and conquest Of new food-things
to eat which you and 1 of the present
day regard as common-the discovery and
conquest of strange lands was mere
child's play. Show me. for example, a
portrait Of the first man who ate an oys-
ter-soft and wabbly-and I'll show you
the portrait Of brave and dauntless
hero, willing to sacrifice his all for the
benefit of the family bill of fare In those
days, every man was a sort of govern
ment experiment station. or course
have no positive information but should
not be at all surprised IL one of the worst
punishments meted out to prehistoric
man by his fellow beings was a sentence
to- serve as food tester to the village. It
would be worse than hanging, a great
sight, because of the terrible uncertainty
attached to the Job With everybody
testing. no mans life would be safe, but
with one man condemned to test anything
and everything which was brought before
him, the danger would be minimized to
all except the unfortunate tester. This, I
have no doubt was practiced among the
very ancient else how happened 1t that
so man, of Inc patriarchs of old were
playing g-'f I'd bridge whist at the age
of 5o9-
No do,b b. the doctrine of expansion
was then applied to eatables. The man
who believed in supplementing the family
fare with something new and novel was
regarded as dangerous to the health of
the community and ole men loudly cried
out for the days of the thirteen original
foods Progressive ideas. however. pre-
vailed then as now. and that is why we
of today eat soft-shelled crabs, Holsters,
frogs legs, calves brains, snails eggs
terrapin, clans, potatoes, and other de-
ligntful dainties with impunity. But. as
you eat. consider the pains, the nerve,
the fortitude which your ancestors had
To display in order to establish the repu-
tation for honesty of the stun which you !
enjoy. You who like apple fritters how
would you like to have been the man who |
first overcame the prejudice against the |
apple? If l remember rightly the apple |
was the fruit which helped to destroy the |
peace OF the Garden of Eden. How about /
potatoes? What was the prehistoric per-
son poking at when he lit upon them? |
Is 1t in the realm of possibility that he !
had the nerve to eat one of the dirty |
brown things? 1 think not. And it's the
same with turnips asparagus, beets, cell /
cry, and SO on to infinity. May blessings
be upon the heads of their discoverers and |
early patrons. Beside them the occupants
Of the Hall of Fame. mere historical per-
fade away into the deep gloom
of insignificant obscurity. Trot out the !
benefactor who first picked pigs feeti
Oh. show me the martyr who first doomed |
1T is to the residents of the ancient
seacoasts. however, that We should sa-
aam the lowest. To them belongs the
greatest credit, for the conquest of the
vegetable is nothing when compared
with the conquest of the shellfish What
was it about the crabs physical appear
ince that suggested he was good to eat?
How many prehistoric people broke their
eeth on the shell of his relative, the lob |
ter before learning that the inside alone
vas eligible for internal use? And, any
yay what do you suppose the man who |
irst boiled a lobster said when he saw |
he ugly beast turning red? For all we |
,now, however. the very ancients may i
ave had even worse times than we give | :
hem credit for, as | doubt whether any
nan living today would care to go and :
ather material for a Pleosaurus potpie {
Megatherium steak. or Pterdactyl stew
rhine honors, Notwithstanding, let us be- =
tow upon him who first ate a snail. | !
What couragei What originality, Leav- a
Ig a long and luminous path behind Ii | I
S II goes. the snail Is suddenly seized. It's | |
aptor looks as it meditatively, and then
Id he take 1t home and cook it, that first | /
nail or did he eat it b
"Ah." said the Hungry Man, interrupt I
lg himself. here comes the waiter with !.
ur tripe and ice cream. Brooklyn n
agle. p