The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1901-11-12
MODERN
FABLE
OF FRIENDS
Difference Between the GnSh-
er and the Crouch,
George Ade on the Old Pals
and the Call for Help.

IN a NeU-lOOt NlllaBes OnCB III VIII
the man would have the Two arould l.
the House for Dinner.
OF these two Friends, one was
Gusher and the other a Crouch.
The Gusher was eternally bubblinI
over with Compliments and KIM
Wishes. Whenever he met an Acquaint
ance he handed him a rhetorical. YarC
of Daisies and then smeared him will
Sweet Endearments. His talk never haC
any specific Purport. 1t was unadul-
terR.ed Con. The Gusher shoulc have
been in the Diplomatic Service. On'
of his hot Specialties was to get at Din
ner Parties and propose Toasts. H'
would hot-air the Ladies until they
flushed Crimson from the Joy Of being
hot-aired. Even il the Speech wal
known TO be cut-and-dried Blarney, il
never failed to swell the Adorable Great.
ures, as he called them.
He Lad a pump-hsndle Shake for ev-
cay Man he met and after the second
Day lie called him Old Fellow and in
quired as 10 his Health in a Tone oi
trembling Solicitude and picked little
pieces OF Lint off his Coat.
III know it's Cuff" the Man would
say after the Gusher had passed on,
'but my Stars He can ladle out that
Soothing Syrup and never spill q
Drop"
The Crouch, on the other Hand,
gave a correct Imitation Of a Bear with
a Sore Toe. His Conversation was large
ly made up Of Grunts. He carried a
Facial Expression that frightened little
Children in Street Cars and took all the
Starch ont OF sentimental Young La
dies. He seemed perpetually to carry
the Hoof- Marks Of horrible Night
mare. Some said that he had been
81 lighted in Love and had poured on the
Universe. Others imagined that his
Liver was ont of Whack. AT any rate,
he was shy on Sweetness and Light
His Dial suggested a Map of the Bad
Lands and he was just out Of Kind
Words. lie could Knock better than he
could boost.
The Crouch never would break up any
Happy Homes. AMI it was predicted
that he would never get Wife unless he
took her on a Mortgage.
Every Husband has few Friends who
come in for hard Raps from the Wife
And the Crouch got all that was com ing
to him. The Crouch won Id slide down
in his Chair u nth he was resting on his
Shoulder Blades. lie seemed to have
Calomel Taste in his Mouth aG he i.tsned
to the musical drip OF the Mush and
Milk. That kind Of Language went with
some People, but nix for Sweeney
The Wife OF the Married Man liked the
Gusher and tolerated the Crouch.
Every time the Gusher came into the
Flat, he held her Hand little longer
than necessary and looked into her Hazel
Eyes aud told her sbo was becoming
Younger and more Charming every Day.
Alter a Woman turns the 80 Corner,
those Speeches are worth Dollar a
Word, because she finds herself guess
ing at times. Husband never was Jealous.
He knew that the Gusher told every
Woman the same thing, playing no Fav.
critics.
When the Crouch came to see them.
he said 'How are your" and then began
10 kick on the Weather and tell about
his Rheumatism. Husband would re-
mind her that he AMI the Crouch had
rooned together at College and done the
Comrades Act ever since they were Boys.
lie would assure her that the Crouch
was a Good Fellow, but you you had to
know him thirty 'or forty years before
you found il ont, He would smooth her
down and straighten out her Feathers
and she would agree to give the Crouch
just one more chance
IL came about that one Year the Mar.
ried Man got Gay and swan out TO
where It was over his Head. In his keen
Anxiety to enlarge his Business he took
ON about three Tons Of Liabilities. Nine
ty days make but a ilsetiug span when
Notes are falling due. One day the Mar
ried Man found himself hanging on the
edge OF the Gully, with a Choice of
jumping to the Rocks below or waiting
to be Scalped, It was not a digniied
thing TO do, but he had to yell Tor As.
sistance and yell ylenty.
lie hot-footed TO the Gusher, friend of
his Youth and Gol Father 10 his chill
dren. lie explained that his Heels were
beating a Tattoo on the Ragged Edge
OF Insolvency, and unless he could raise
tho Wind, it meant Raoeiver over AZ
the Works, his Credit eyaporated and
the Pianola 10 the Hock-Shop.
The Gusher listened with Tears m his
Eyes. In a V ice all choked with sobs
he rendered his sympathy and his Sin
oere Hope that all would yet be Well
lie told him it grieyed him to see
Friend 90 under the Rollers. Il tore his
Heart. II did, for sure, In fact it had
so upset him that he would have 10 90
out into the Air. SO he did an Olga
Nethersole Exit with one Hand over his
streaming Eyes, and the life long Friend
sat there with Salt Water splattered All !
over him and nothing in IN, Hand.
As soon as he had dried his Clothes
he went to the Crouch and oandidly |
owned up that he was on the Waiting