The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1901-06-13
AFFLICTED WITH |
THE FARM CRAZE

~ 40 CSHCSAoAyft
virulent in the spring and summer,
usually wholly disappearing during
the winter months. In the hrst stages
of the disease the victim 10 usually
subject to strange, though harmless,
illusions and hallueinations. He
fancies that he sees in his minds eyes
little house standing far back from
the dirt road in a grove of stately oak
trees. The front of the house is half
covered with vines and climbing roses
and the air is full of the perfume
from the hay fields. Back of the
house is . big red barn, wherein an
imaginary horse eats non-existent
oats and a. deer-like Jersey COW chews
q phantom cud.
Before the house the green turf
sweeps down to the road in pillows.
and a couple Of picturesque property
lambs gambol gracefully under the
oaks. Up the same oaks squirrels are
running, waving their bushy tails and
chattering defiance to even imaginary
invaders.
In the secondary stages Of the dis
ease the illusions become more alarm
ing. The patient sees people driving
up to the house and offering large
sums for the yellow-legged spring
chickens which have suddenly ap-
peared in large quantities in the fore
ground. The Jersey cow comes for
ward and modestly presents ten
pounds of golden yellow butter, taste
fully done up in napkin and
1f for
the possession of which the assem-
bled multitude quarrel furiously, each
of them raising his neighbor's bid.
From the barnyard appears process
sion of hens, each bearing fresh
laid egg, with the date of it's arrival
written on it in indelible pencil. AT
this point the multitude falls down
on it's knees and each of the number
offers all his earthly possessions for
dozen. Gradually these visions fade
into one, and the patient sees him
self sitting in an easy chair on a
rose-embowered veranda, with bag
of double eagles beside him and q
couple of attentive servitors offering
him mint juleps and other cooling re-
freshmsnts. When this stage of the
disease il reached the patient needs
careful attention and watching. He
is likely to become violent and at
tack the janitor of the fat building
or imprudently resign his lucrative
position in La Sale street insur-
ance Office.
when the patient sits down and be-
gins to put his illusions into writing.
After . prolonged and painful strug-
gle he will produce piece Of litera-
ture like this:
wanted.-In the vicinity Of Chicago, a
place Of from three to ten acres, with small
house and barn. Must be reasonable Rent
for six months with view to purchase.
The patient will demand that this
production of a disordered brain be
promptly inserted in the real estate
columns of some Sunday newspaper
His nurses and other attendants will
of course, strongly oppose the idea
but experience has demonstrated that
in humoring the patient at this crit
ical period lies the chief hope of per-
manently restoring him to health and
urban happiness. In no other way
can the antitoxin be secured which
will successfully combat the amateur
farming bacillus on it's native heath.
The next day after the victims
literary effort has appeared in prin,
q man wearing silk hat, a frock
coat, somewhat shiny about the
seams, and an enthusiastic manner
will call and ask to see him. At what.
ever risk, permission should be given
for him to interview the patient.
'T have just what you want" the
caller will begin. Beautiful scenery
a small house, two springs of water
and as much land as you want.
will rent, sell or trade for down
town vacant"
'Where, may I ask" the patient
will say, sis the place you speak OF
located?"
"About 60 miles southeast of Nash.
vile, Tenn, will be the answer;
fright in the great coal and iron dis
trict. and" lowering his voice to q
whisper, II may say to you that signi
of oil and other minerals are plenti
full In the land"
1t must not be expected that thia
first treatment win effect cure. The
patient will simply take it as a criti.
cism on his literary style and will
amend his effort 90 that 1t win read:
ION the north shore, within 80 miles
of Chicago " sY
The visit of the next. caller il likely
to be followed by q slight relapse
depending upon the vividness OF the
description Of the simple little
place" which he has 70 oiRer st sas
Of the better known suburban vi
lages along the north shorA. He, 4
vague q to prices and exact loca'
tions, hut wishes to take the patient
out ON personal tour Of inspectlon
IL would Be dangerous to rcfusepes-
mission to make this trip, NO matter
how great may be the apparent risk
Ths patient will ride, up the north
shore on suburban train and VII
b mstsst the proper station BY ths
real 'aatata sgaht With IN imprssdys
landau cd pair Of high s4apptna
horses. He win b driven through
winding roads sSd carefully laid out
country plsess 70 s'iarss stone strue