davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
scotch Economy.

A Scottish noble lord. famed among
his friends for his saving, or as, he
would have put It himself, his careful
propensities, went out one day Shooting
in his broad moors. accompanied only
by his keeper. After an afternoons
hard work, he sat down to rest, and,
ruefully contemplating his bag" OBJ
served thoughtfully, "And to think that
each brace has cost me, first and last,
at least 10 shillings, Donaldp' 'Eh,
eh" answered Donald. consolingly,
"then it's maircy yere Hardship miss
ed the many we did to-day, for it's a
nice bit we've saved, Pm thinkingT--
London Sketch.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
AN UMBRELLA
ooEPISODEo 90

0O0 HIR-R-R! Marjory was sure
WNW that there had never been such
disagr b e weather in
March. 1t was raining, half sleet, and
the wind blew so that she could scarce
ly walk.
81 ought to have had sense enough to
wear my old gray jacket and that
frightful walking hat when saw how
enchanting the elements were this
morning, but 1 just could not help
dressing up for Aunt Minerva and
Cousin Alice. They think that just
because we can't do as many things as
we used thrt we are poor. Humph!
Yes, 1 verify believe they consider
themselves doing me an honor in ask
ing me to lunch downtown with them
whenever they are here. we shall be
in the city but day or two and would
like to see you before leaving So that's
all the time they can spare their own
relative. Well, 1 don't care, I'm sure.
That was a good luncheon, anyway,
and it braced me up for this long af-
ternoon shopping"
Marjory surveyed her numerous bun
dies. -
what would Aunt Minerva think If
she. could see her niece endeavoring to
battle wind and~ rain, afoot, with al
these packages, too. simply had te
have them tonight, though, and there
was nothing for it but to be my own
delivery boy"
Marjory tried to smile, but she was
really painfully aware of the bedrag
gled appearance she must present
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
Could Stand the Loss.

A moneyed man Of Detroit was sur
prised to receive a-call from a rather
seedy-looking chap-an- entire stranger
the other day. Having satisfied the
guards that he was not n book agent,
he was allowed to enter and state his
business, which he had insisted. in or
der to gain admittance, was import
ant.
"Well, sir?" said the wealthy man.
expectantly, as the worthy stepped in.
why" was the unabashed reply.
''Pd like you to indorse this note for
me-"
The man of money examined he note
critically, as he observed: why do you
come to me? 1 don't know you from
Adam. Why don't you go to some one
you known
WELL was the cool reply, 81 came
to you because knew you could stand
the loss better than anyone else know
Of"
The millionaire Endorsed the note
after securing the name Of the nerve
tonic his caller is using-DetroIt Fre<
Press.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07


BRELLA.
Loaded down with bundles, it was all
she could do to hold her umbrella over
her large hat and keep her skirt out Of
the mud, which insisted upon wrapping
against her ankles in a most uncom-
Portable manner.
The wind was blowing more wildly
every moment, and Marjory rallied all
her strength to cross the Masonic Tenn
pie corner. Biff went the wind, and
rip! snap! and Marjory's umbrella was
turned wrong side out and torn into
ribbons.
What was she to do? She had on her
best dress and hat, and If they were
ruined there was no telling how others
were to be obtained. The family ex-
chequer, as Marjory called her small
income, was slim. She was about to
make for the entrance to the building
and there consider the pros and cons of
her situation, when mans large UNI
brella was thrust into her hand, appar-
emily from the wind itself. Slid ooked
up just In time to see tall, well-dress-
ed man vanish around the corner. Mar
jory knew atsonce thatsi it was he who
had put the umbrella into her hand
how. she did not know. OF course sife
couldn't let herself take azstranger's
shelter in that way, so she FASTENED af-
ter the retreating figure only to find
that he was nowhere insight.
If Marjory had any decided trait II
was that she was philosophical. Her
benefactor was gone; there was no way
of getting him back. She was running
her hat and making a spectacle of her
self for the benefit Of the passers- by.
So she hoisted the umbrella and went
on her way to the car, reaching the fiat
in which she and her mother lived
without further adventure
Mrs. McKants was much shocked al
her daughters escapade and wondered
what they could do about it. 1t would
never do not to return the umbrella
The question was to find the owner
Marjory had not seen her benefactor's
facial she could recall was his back
and there was little chance of heI
ever meeting him again. On examin
ing the umbrella they found the initials
81. W." engraved on the handle.
AS her only eXpedient. Mrs. McKants
suggested putting notice in the news
papers, "Found-An umbrella" etc.
but Marjory argued that the owner
would never consider his umbrella los
in that sense. Mrs. McKants persuad
ed her to write a personal, but nothing
came of it, and Marjory had to put the
umbrella away.
About a month later Marjory receiv
ed note from her Aunt Minerva. She
and Cousin Alice were returning from
the East, and would Marjory please
lunch with them at their hotel? They
could only be in the city one day, etc
Marjory knew that stereotyped phrase
by heart. One sentence lent novelty
to the situation. but as she scorne(
the strong sex she had half mind no
to accept the invitation.
I'VE shall not be alone, as you
Cousin Frank writes that his college
chum, John Wakem, is here, and h
wishes to call on US. AS our trail
leaves early in the afternoon, we mus
manage to visit him at the same time
hope you will not stay away on thi
account"
$50 they were afraid one of their TIM
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

The day of small nationalities has
about come to an end. While Great
Britain has been conquering and colo
nizing in every quarter of the globe,
united Germany and united Italy are
realities of recent development, and a
process of national ACKNOWLEDGMENT
and consolidation is at work every
where, and, sooner or later, the great
powers of the world will be fighting for
the mastery, while the small national
tiles will be wiped out.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
FAKES FROM KANSAS.

Improbable Tales W hich Deceived and
interested the Public.
Beyond the question Of doubt, more
flakes" have emanated from Kansas
to deceive the newspaper-reading world
than have developed in any other equal
ly circumscribed portion of the earth's
surface. Kansas people say that the
first great fakir was Sir Henry NJ.
Stanley, who at one time while con-
nected with the frontier was a CORE
spondent for st. Louis paper, the col
umns of which he enlivened with many
! a thrilling yarn. But just as Stanley
was making things lively the treaty of
Medicine Lodge was concluded and he
went back to England. After that the
noble art Of taking fell into disrepute
for time, though the negro migration
and the grasshopper years furnished
some coed material. The first really
big fake was the story of the finding of
gold In Sumner County. 1t was started
by newspaper man in a spirit of jest,
but it was taken up in earnest by the
people and every farmer for 20 miles
digging.
To sustain the interest and income Of
his fake the newspaper man published
the fac-simile of map alleged to have
been found in the archives of Mexico,
! showing that Sumner County was ac-
tually the Quivera that Coronado
sought. He also published some plaus-
ible legends of Coronado's trip and the
people believed every word of it. The
reproductions Of the alleged ancient
map of Quivera sold like hot cakes at a
dollar each and the hand press ran day
and night turning them out. The hotels
and boarding houses were crowded and
gold ore was piled up in every shop
window with placards telling the date
and place of its discovery and the value
per ton.
In q few days everybody had claim,
and hence everybody, for the sake of
self interest, insisted that the boom was
genuine; that the ore was full of gold.
kThere was a tremendous demand for
microscopes and jewellers turned their
places into assay offices.
Other fakes followed with rapidity
and, a daring that makes one wonder
how the public swallowed the stories
\ as it did. There was the famous "baby-
in-the-welP' yarn, for instance. Old
newspaper men remember how for
days the public waited for bulletins
that told of the awful sufferings of the
Sedgwick County child which had fall
en- into-a bored well before the eyes of
its mother, who promptly tainted as the
baby disappeared. When she came to
her senses and summoned the neigh
bors the baby was down about $50 feet
and wailing at the top of its voice. Next
morning at every breakfast table In
the country the story of the Kansas
baby was told, and for three more
days bulletins that described its cries
as growing weaker and weaker as the
baby, becoming thin for lack of nour-
ishment, slipped farther and farther
down the well. were sent out. There
was the biggest sort Of sensation on
all over the country, and then the cor
respondent took pity on the public. He
had the baby rescued and 100000
people went about their daily tasks
praising heaven that they did not live
in Kansas.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
(Finis.)
New York Sun.
No Ground for Hesitanov.

Frette-Do you know, it's got so with
me now that when l start out in the
morning to go down to business have
20 stop at the corner to study which
route will be the least apt to confront
me with q creditor.
Callous-Thank goodness, am nc
longer a victim of any such sensation
as that
Frette-What! You surely don't mean
to say that you don't owe anyone.
Callous-Far from it. 1 simply mean
that there is no direction l can take
that will insure any such exemption
and as consequence 1t doesn't pay to
hesitate.-Boston Courier.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

Inc question OF dlSclpllne mas come
up at Waukegan, Ill. 1t is about the
infection of corporal punishment in the
public schools. Under an old rule Of
the board, the use of the rod was al
the rule had become dead letter. Re
Gently there was an aggravated case,
which attracted unusual public atten-
ton, and this aroused discussion Of the
form of punishment that should be ap-
piled to pupils on whom moral suasion
and kindness had no effect, and who
continued to defy their teachers. To
dismiss them manifestly was not to the
point, and so the school board again
adopted an order that teachers should
use the rod in their discretion. But the
public had already taken so much in
terest in the case that sentiment be-
came divided, some citizens declaring
that If the rule is followed with their
children they will in turn whip the
teachers-a thing that suggests posi-
bly, that If they had had little more
whipping in their own school days, they
might probably have been better citi-
zens. There is very good authority for
the saying that to spare the rod means
to spoil the child, says the Indianapo-
lis News. Whether discipline take this
form or not, or whether it must newt
ably in some cases be reduced to this
form, there is no question that disci-
pline must be maintained. Some teach
Of = 10 1la int fa6 with ha
power of chastising children, for they
will abuse that power; they have not
to begin with the right kind of govern
ment over themselves. Others can be
trusted, still others will be able to
maintain order without whipping.
There is much also to be taken into ac-
count as to the pupils. Some might be
punished with profit, others might be
made worse by it. 1t is, indeed,
most difficult question, but certainly
there should be an agreement on one
thing, and that is that discipline must
be maintained not merely for the sake
of the schools, but for the pupils. With
out discipline, however enforced, chill
dren will surely grow up in lawless
condition. They will have in them es-
sentially that element of defiance that
is the basis of lawbreaking in after
life. The.judges of our criminal courts
and of higher courts both East and
west in recent years have been singu-
'1arly -l1nanimous In the belief that
whipping should be form of punish
ment for juvenile offenses. Their long
experience on the bench has taught
them that incorrigible boys, those who
have passed the happy moment when
the sense of discipline may be incul-
Gated in them, havesreached the stage
when nothing will arouse that sense
like corporal punishment;. that fines
and Imprisonment and reform schools
alike are weak and frequently to be
compared with the prompt administra-
ton of corporal punishment. The Dues
ton is a deep one. 1t is something
more than the mere humiliation or
large appearance of authority which
many seem to think are the chief fea-
lures of the act. The essential thing is
that where there is a case of "bad
boy" ON whom all moral suasion is
powerless, there is a sure sign that the
turning point has been reached and
that the spirit must be conquered and
taught that discipline must be ac-
| cepted.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
of No Consequence.

Husband-You are as gloomy a. an
owl. Sulking because l can't get you
that new bonnet, l suppose.
Wife-No, 1 was only going over
some old letters, that's ALL It's nothing
of Importance Only a tit Of the blues
what letters?"
Love letters"
'Some you wrote?'
"Some I received"
N"Oh, mine, eh?"
mo, some 1 received before l met
you. It's of no consequence None
al all. How is your ?'-New York
Weekly.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

We need but look at our own Ameri-
can history, past and present, for proof
that human nature is not awed by I'M
nsnal and fiendish penalties. The
witch burnings in Salem created more
witches. The penalty Of death upon
those who aided in the escape of slaves,
and in some States upon those who
taught blacks to read, prevented Meth
er the one action nor tie other. The
ordinary lynchings, ha Iing failed to
terrorize the negroes in the South, burn
ings haze now been resorted to, but tie
assaults upon white women go on none
the less. -s'--ss-zs.-
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
1ible.

He-This author should be ashamed
of himself. married man, too!
His Wife-What does he say?
He-He says that a mans wife 'gaZed
at him in speechless establishment
Why, such thing is unknown in matri-
monyI@Tit-BitS
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

1t is well to be reminded of the fact
that an attempt once was made upon
the life of President Andrew Jackson.
Political assassination is not crime
confined to this particular age.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

Madge-Why did she insist on going
to South Dakota to spend the honey
moon?
Marjorie-So that in case they failed
to agree the month could be counted in
with the time necessary to secure res
idence when she sued for a divorce
Judge.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

This country will be whatever the
boys now growing up shall make it,
and they should be so educated as to
create in their minds a horror Of dis
order and violence and love Of peace,
justice between Pan and man, good cit
izenship and the fear of God.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

Corbett says he has '1ived at fast
clip" and has no money left. Well, the
railroads and the lumber men, the
farmers and lot Of other people are
looking for good strong men. Mr.. Cor
bett noe1 not suffer the pangs of ex-
treme want
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

Civilized people will be shocked at
the advice of an English physician to
a wealthy patient to live like savage
to be cured. Savages, it may be recall
ed, do not belong to clubs, have no
stock exchanges, know nothing Of trust
and trade combinations, run no politi-
cal campaigns and so reserve some vi
tality and nerve force for purely living
purposes.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

The intimation that Alfred Austin is
popular as a poet because he seldom
writes is a matter of deep significance.
People do not want to read poetry"
unles it is real.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

Whenever they go out to arrest Herr
Most they find him under bed or in a
beer saloon. The Herr is the leader of
those who are proud to call themselves
scientific anarchists"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
A NroIeIa flee Boy.

"First of ALL" said the merchant to
the youthful applicant. well have to
test your ability as a whistler. Sup
pose you try"
'I'm sorry, SIR" said the boy. 'but
1 can't whistle at ALL"
Hang up your hat" cried the mer-
chant, promptly, you're the boy we're
looking for. "-Philadelphia Press.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
Beatin. Dame Nature.

Drummer-It just beats all. Pm trav-
cling for an umbrella house, and every
place I've struck has been suffering
from drought.
producing apparatus, and every town
I've struck was knee-deep in mud.
Drummer say, let's travel to-
gether.-New York Weekly.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
Philosophical.
married; for he was

Here the man married; for he was
aweary of working.
"a better half is better than no loaf
at allv' he observed, not unphilosophi-
cally.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

Lady of the House-You needn't ask
for a cup of coffee; our gas stove mas
been turned off for hours.
Tramp-Coffee, madame, is out of the
question. Have you any leftover sher
bet or yesterdays lemonade in the ice
chest ?-Detroit Free Press.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

"Why, may l ask said the contribu-
tor, "do you always put my name to the
verse / write and never to the prosey
"Well, you know" smiled the editor,
1--WE can't be responsible for yourt POI
etry."-Judge.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
A Real Calamity.

The Father-You have rescued my
daughter from drowning. sir. What
shall be your reward?
The Stranger-Don't mention it, I'll
send you a bill. I'm a specialist from
New York.
"Good heavens! I'm ruined, p@I lie.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
Untrustworthy.

But Jones gave you his word. didn't
he?" said Frisble.
Yes" replied Perkasie. ''but l don't
like to take Jones' word. He won.
even keep it himself"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
His Admission.

81 hear that you are engaged. Gold
thorp," said Sterlingworth. ''Is 1t time
for congratulations"
"Well. 1 won't acknowledge that"
replied the happy young man, but I'm
about to confer upon a certain yourg
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

HOUSEWIFE want six logs sawed 2
feet long, five logs foot long and seven
Tramp-Madam, 1 think you need a
cabinetmaker This is not in my line.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
Widening the Breach.

81 wish you and May would become
friends again." said the would-be
peacemaker.
WELL" said Fay. eff she'll make I'D.
1 WILL
81 told her you had said that. and
she said: The idea! It's easy for her.
1 never saw her when she wasn't made
up "-Philadelphia Press.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

Again the people are asking why the
anarchists don't leave this country, if
they don't like it, and go back where
they came from.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

The achievements of Peary, the ex-
plorer, didn't make much noise in the
when the country was in suspense as
to the fate of the President. The eyes
of the nation were turned to Buffalo,
-t'~N-s didn't matter much.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
Life-savinx Lxertion.

Don't you pay any attention to SUM
mer athletics"
"Oh, yes; 1 often run few blocks
after the iceman when he has gone by
without leaving US any ice."-Detroit
Free Press.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

Patron-On what plan is this meal
| served?
Waiter-A la carte, sir.
Patron-A la carte, Ell? That ac-
counts for this steak. It's horse meat.
ure.-Philadelphia Press.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

Mr. Easee-Dr. Newley says that eat
ing alone is not conducive to long life,
and believe he is right. Do you?
Miss Passe-Oh! Mr.. Easee, this is
so sudden.-Chelsea (Mass.) Gazette.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
Proof Conclusive.

"Lida's new pictures flatter her like
everything"
why. 1 thought you hadn't seen
themT'
Il haven't; but she told me she had
ordered four dozen" -Philadelphia
Bulletin.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA
RIOUS HUMORiSTS

Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over-Sayings that Are ohesr-
full to Old or Young-Funny selec-
tions that You Will Enjoy.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
In the Year 1000

81 tell you this literary controversy
is becoming fiercer'
"What literary controversy"
"Why, over the question which was
the best advertised novel of the twen-
tieth century."-Puck.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
AS Regards Age.

"Her fiance? He looks old enough
to know better"
Appearance are deceptive. He is.
IN fact, only old enough to be her
father"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
The Reward of Perseverance.

George understand the GOttits had
a hard struggle to get into society.
Jack-I should say they had! Why,
old Gottit had to spend nearly four
years in the Klondike!-Puck.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
Cheerfulness out of Place

"Cheerfulness is riches."
ooh, no; if you can't pay a bill, being
cheerful about it only makes the other
man madden"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
you's gone outer pollytics.

"An' so you's gone outer pollytics.
erby"
Oats me, Dusty. When de price OF
a free-born patriots vote gifts down to
half a dollar it's time fur decent men
to git in outer de wet"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
New Version.

Mother-Well, Reginald, and what
was the minister's text in church to-
day?
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07
The Chanee in the Tenderfoot.

''This Is Remarkably healthy eli
mate, they say" said the fastener.
You're right thar" said Arizona AL
CTR instance, not long ago a tenderfoot
with q weak chest an a pale face
dropped inter the Miners Delight,
called me u liar an O. course 1 had to
clean up. Bout two months after q
big sunburnt cowboy stopped me Oh
the street, wiped the earth up with me
an slammed me up in a tree to re
cuperate. Same Teller. Best climate Ir
the world, pard. indianapolis Sun.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

Mrs. Hoyle-I can read my husband
like book.
Mrs. Doyle-You must have good eyes
to read such small type.!The Smart
Set.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

Hans-Why does that old COW Of
yours look at me so closely when 1
pass?
Greta-She may suspect you are one
of her long lost children.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

With. all its terrors. there is this to
recommend winters You no longer see
a 45-year-old womap wearing a sailor
hat -
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

Il Feeling blue. are you, Mr.. Light
Aayte" said Miss Jimplecute, sympa-
|<s eflcally. you ought to do something
% Sccupy your mind"
y kon't mean" sha
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

It isn't the right to criticise but the
right to BLACKBOARD that some people
are afraid of losing.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

The chief reason most men want tc
20 to heaven when they die is thai
they know it will surprise their wife's
relatives to see them there.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

"WhV did YC

"Why did 20,
There was no Al num-"
Didn't the family have a piano:"
ooh, yls, but they didn't how a piece
av breakable bric-a-brac in the house"
Chicago News.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

It is estimated that the steel strike
cost $25,OOO,O00. 1t wasn't worth it.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-12-07

We think that if justice were done
- +hn situation, the Cooks 3y this