West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-23

Written Specially for The Argus
BSANpoNviLLE. w. vtRGtNY.
May the Soth

DRAM FRIEND. / haint wrote TO YOU for
good spell, because the women around
our house has been engaged In some kind
o tarnation tumblin up business they call
Spring renovatin," I low il keeps a fel,
low sprinsin' like sixty to glt through
with all the little tinkerin' jobs they want
done. to say nothin' OF carryin' water aud
littin' furniture can't see as Il does
much good. only to git things out OF their
places and give fellow discipline in
keepin from swearin when he goes to
hunt 'em in a hurry
hunted fer week fer pen OF pencil
and bit OF paper to writ you.oes had
to jes' wait. an. in the course 81 hxapan
events. they come bach. -
I've had to roost in the woodshed loft ~
a week to let the paper an paint 4 stuff
In my room TO git dry. wonder ~ all
women likes to paddle in the water so weilp
Seems TO me Il would be nice fer EN- TO
have some pretty. soft pink webs atween
Their toes an fingers.
When did find my pen l was kind o.
dubious about writin Some OF EN- gifts
mad II you put their names in the paper.
low it's mighty foolish TO git mad at me
never tell nothin but the truth x Il orten'
to piEen anybody.
Say. did YOU ever have the toothachep
did. I jing. had 'er fer solid month.
week afore las an didn't dare send fer
the doc" They say he's awful mad at
me. long O what | written about him. L
jing. think paid him big compliment
when said he could cure the mully.grubs.
faint eveery doc" can do 'er. bet he
could cure tooth'ache. too; but | was
afeared to try I'm fer fear he'd give me
pizen.
Mandy asst her chum how TO cure il. an
she said. "Fill the hole in IL full o biin'
water an stop IL up with the tail of blind
rat killed in the dark OF the moon. That's
the way they do az Johns. Hopkins"
couldn't git the rat. so had TO grin an
bear. Aunt Hetty said Il was mostly
bear" was that cross
lhaint the only one afflicted Dave RIDDEN
ours got bile on his nose, an you bet
he's bird. II IL was some people I'd
think they'd been pokin' Their noses in
somebody olse's business. but Dave gen.
orally always minds his own business, so
reckon IL comes from some other source.
about Vaccination. I've been vaccinated
twicet. an when ! read THEN letters IL
makes me think both o. them places is sore
an eatchin' agin.
Id like to know why people go a hshin'
on Sc ension Day. went 'tother day. but
didn't ketch nothn' but cold Asettin'
along the criok a watchin' my bobber. sort
o lazy like, got TO thinkin' OF old times
when was a kid, an onct we went to oil
Aunt Bccky's. way up in the mountains
The hired girl there could tell the mos
witch an ghos tales. She said that on
'Scension Day you mustn't sew or wash, or
the Ightnin' II strike you afore a year.
You can work in the ground or fish, though
She told me bout girl as LATED when
they wanted her to put away the apern she
commenced to make on 'Scension Day
She finished IL an when she wore IL they
came up storm. an the lightnin les
played around her apern an at last she
minded she d made IL on 'Scension Day,
an she pulled II off an throwcd IL away
an run, an the lightnin' burnt il up. |
low that was a mighty reasonable streak
o lightnin' to put up with apern when il
could a had girl
IL made me feel awful funny when read
them greetins that Teller sent Uncle Toe
an Aunt Mandy" Made me feel how nice
it'd be to be jined to Mandy, an then
minded me that IL aint the case yet. Old
Uncle Adam used to say: Love is a mighty
good fcelin' pain"
I've ben wantin' to go up to Kingwood
an get a pair o. license fer Mandy an me.
but she hates to see our ages published in
the paper.
They was big excitement on Jake Lieb
Square 'tother night Two of our boss
dealers got TO comparin bones and argi.
fyin' on Their speed. They got excited an
got to bettin' big money. an somebody
sent fer the Mayor an town sargent to 20
an prevent the bettin'. or gamblin'. they
said Well the mos fun When the Off
GERS went to lead the bones o. contention
away mean when they went to lead the
bosses away-they found both fellers had
made mistake an took Their saw.horsos
out. Sapoliol
Your st. Joe correspondent d like to know
when they'll hear the locomotive whistlin
thereabou4s. I've ben nosin around
an so far as can make out. they'll hear
EN- in thrashin' time II they listen. But !
low the locomotive a moyin' a train o.
cars was really meant. Thatll be heard
jes as soon as the tracks laid fer it to
run on.
We've got a new street lamp in town
It's on Birthstone corner an lights the
street way long. both ways. never called
il Birthstone Corner afore. but Teller toll
me the reason some OF EN- calls IL that Is
because when all the fcllers git to swappin
yarns an putin in cuss words fer exclam.
alton pints II glts so hot you can smell
birthstone But bet he could tell as big
whopper as any OF EN- and punctuatc 'er
too. Layin' all jokes aside. think Mr..
Ridenours a doin a nice thing fer the town
by keepin' his lamp trimmed an burnin'.
an 'preciatc II. too.
Mrs. Petrea's pa gin her a COW. lately,
an it's about as dainty critter as you Kit
en- Why. when the parson leads her to
paster an she skeers az anything. he ups
an puts her in the pocket Of his shooun'
jacket an walks on as unconsarned as you
please.
Well. I must quit or maybe I'i tell you
something I orton 20 an somebody'H git
mad n anybody does, can't help H..
because I never tell lie 'thout it's ncces.
sary; always mind my own business 'thout
somebody volunteers to help me, or some
other fellcr's business needs mindin' worse
never swear II can help IL, an then in a
whisper, never drink 'thout Tm dry an
LET US arise an sing" er may be fool
enough 20 say never hug an kiss the girls
an then Mandy d sack your
UNCLE IoE.