Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-11-28
GOOD
Short Stories

Bishop Philpotts, Of Exeter, once
went to stay with friend in Devon
shire. ats beautiful place. is 1t notg"
remarked somebody upon his return.
Yes said the Bishop, 1T is a beauti-
full place; IL 1t were mine, would pull
down the house and fill up the pond
with it. That would remove two OBJ
jections."
Attorney Isidor Rayner, one Of Rear
Admiral Schley's counsel In the court
of inquiry. was once interrupted by
Thomas r. Reed, while making
speech in favor Of a reduction OF the
tariff. with the remark: did not the
gentleman hear my speech Saturday,
NO." replied Rayner. Il was at home
preparing a speech of my own"
1t is related that Fechter was more
than once the victim Of an outspoken
London gallery-god. On one occasion,
in a melodrama, the tragedian was
slowly paying over sum of money to
the villain. Everything depended upon
whether he had sufficient money for his
purpose, and the paying out was most
deliberate-so deliberate, indeed, that
a member of the audience. wearying OF
the scene, enlivened the proceedings by
yelling: Say, Mr.. Fechter give him
check"
Once, when the Secretary of War,
Ellhu Root, had approved a punishment
Of an offender in the Philippines with
severity which seemed somewhat dis
proportionate to the crime, visitor
ventured to ask him whether he did not
consider such a penalty good deal
like the old law Of England which
hanged a man for stealing a sheep.
Certainly" was the answer, "and we
impose it in the same spirit, not as an
expiatory sacrifice. but as preventive.
The thief was hanged, not because
stolen sheep was regarded as worth
human life, but in order that more
sheep should not be stolen"
When President Roosevelt was a po-
lice commissioner of New York, in
1895, DIR. AhIwardt, the anti-Semitic
agitator from Berlin, visited the me-
tropolis. Not a few of the New York
anti-Semites came to Roosevelt In
alarm lest the Jews should rise and
mob the orator on the night of his first
address. The commissioners response
was to select from the whole police
force a squad of Hebrews whose physi-
ognomy bespoke their race most con-
spicuously; these officers he placed In
charge of the hall where Ahlwardt was
to APPEAR, with reminder that in this
country of free speech they could show
their good citizenship in no more strik-
ing manner than by protecting the very
man who had come to hurl contempt
and abuse at their people. The effect
Of this bit of comedy was to make Ahl-
wardt ridiculous, and cause his whole
crusade to fall pitifully fat.
A wealthy American who took the
waters at Carlsbad this summer was
given minute instructions by his ply
sician, who dismissed him with this in
junction: "As for smoking, you must
limit yourself to three cigars daily;
three light cigars and no more" After
a few days, the patient visited his ply
sician, who asked: "Well, and how are
you?" 81 should be all right" replied
the patient, "but your orders about
smoking are difficult to follow" 81 am
sorry" the doctor said, categorically,
"but no more than three cigars a day.
You must just put up with it." But,
doctor, it really is an awful business.
Wouldn't two day do? l feel i'll every
time l smoke" "Why, man, what in
the world do you smoke for at all, II
that is the case" the doctor rOared.
"But, doctor, wasn't it you yourself
who said three cigars a day and no
moreY OF course, thought they were
part of the cure, and began upon them,
though 1 never in my life smoked be-
fore"