Waterbury Democrat., 1901-08-03
WAS SEEING THINGS.
That Was Why Colonel Bugsnorter Firmly Received to Swear
 on.

Col. Bugsnorter was very much dis organized when he reached home the other night and tried to open the door with his night key, as usual. He was unsuccessful, IS usual, and Mrs. Bug shorter opened the door and regarded him sternly, relates the San Francisco Bulletin.
 Col. Bugsnorter wreathed his arms about the veranda post and smiled a leery smile and remarked deprecating- ly, as usual:
 'So sherry to trouble you, m'dear! Mush got wrong key! Lodge night, y know, m'dear-lo'sh bizness! Mos'zh tired t deathl Guess I'll go t bed, m'dear!"
 Mrs. Bugsnorter said never word as the colonel wabbled into the hall and stood blinking at his spouse in the glare of the arc light. This was un- usual.
 The colonel began to climb upstairs and fell over the first step, as usual, and Mrs. Bugsnorter came to his as- sistance and helped him upstairs, as of ycre. At thetop of the stairs the colonel began the same speech of thanks for his wife's courtesy which she had heard regularly every night for years.
 'Thanksh, m'dear, mush 'blizh! Had blin' headache all evenin'! Mos'h tainted shev'rl times comin' home! Mosh-'
 The colonel stopped and spread his feet far apart, gazing stupidly at Mrs. Bugsnorter with astonished, reeling eyes. The good lady never uttered a syllable.
 The last stage of the nights journey was safely accomplished, and Col. Bug with his boots off. Mrs. Bugsnorter had said nothing even yet.
 'Gettin' pretty s'hleepy!" mumbled Col. Bugsnorter, thickly. "Guessh I'll turn in nowi Goo ni', m'love!"
 The colonel watched Mrs. Bugsn orter in state of stupefaction as she went silently out and closed the door behind her.
 Mos 'str'orn'ry thing ever wit nesshed!" he muttered, shaking his head slowly and addressing his boots,
 which he held in his fumbling, hands. Mos 'str'or'n'ry thing ever eshee!" Half an hour later the policeman found Col. Bugsnorter on the opposite side of the street, standing with his feet away apart, his body projected forward against the lamp ost,around | which his arms were clasped. A boot
 was dangling Imply. in either nerve | less hand, and he was staring stupid ly up toward the window of his wife's | room.
 Hello, coloneli" exclaimed the off cer. 'What are ye doing here?" | ''Makin' new rezh 'lution!" said the l colonel, without taking his eyes from the dim light in the upstairs window. "Goin' swear off
 s'What!" exclaimed the policeman, s'going to swear off? Whats the mat ter?"
 "Sheein' things! Wen home t-ni'- 1 wife met me at zhe door-didn' shay wordi Tain nash-raI Goin' shwear off!"
 The officer untangled him from the
 lamp post, piloted him across the l street and upon the yeranda, Then the 1 kind-hearted Samaritan was about to | ring the bell, when the colonel stopped l him.
 l Leave Ter Tone, o' mani" he whis- pered. "Mus'h 'blizhl Won' go in til l I've finished m rezh'lutionzhl Couldn
 stan mother 'sperienzh like zhat! Go
 nj, ol' man, shee ye to-morrererer!' Then the friend departed and soon Col. Bugsnorter had forgotten his | troubles and was sleeping sweetly with l his head on the third step down, one foot in the flower bed and the other
 up on the veranda, while his arms were flung abroad promiscuously. And the clock struck four.