The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1901-02-12
A CALL DOWN..
which VIII De Loudly AppIauded by
the Fair Sex.

which VIII De Loudly Appiauded by
the Fair Sex.
aI shall, now" said the coarse, brutal
man, get the grapevine clutch on the
cotton hook for the purpose Of making q
few missions In the frame Of that wart
on the chart Of civilization namely, the
man who makes his wife do all the lying.
This fungous biped is so much meaner
than a three card flush that there's moth
ing whatever TO it. He is mean enough
to sand bag himself, pinch his own roll
and then yell for the cop. He is mean
enough TO saw off one OF his own digits
and then swear against his aged aunt.
He is
However, the man who makes his
wife do all the lying is in such class all
by himself that even the echo of any lit
tie knock like this can't reach him. His
soul is of about the heft, troy weight, of
a smoke wreath curling from bum corn
cob pipe stuffed with hay at cents the
bag as smoked by a resident of the Sol
diers' home three days after the pension
checks have been dished out.
THE man who makes his wife do all
the lying when the installment collector
comes around for that IS monthly pay
ment on the household furniture always
passes the matter upto her. Ii doesn't
make any differeBee. whether she's got
headache or neuralgia so bad that she
can hear the morning stars singing to-
gether. She's got TO go to the door and
receive the installment collector and tell
him that, owing to the fact that her hus-
band has been at the point of death from
appendicitis for three weeks or to the
fact that Christmas comes but once
year or to the fact that the smallest she's
got at the moment is a S7S bill and she'll
be down in the morning there'n be moth
ing doing in the matter of coughing up
that IS on that particular morning.
"When the man who makes his wife do
all the lying is reclining in the front
room on the lounge so corned up with and
picked In red eye that he's mumbhng
Nolapuk and ragtime in the same breath,
and the chief of his division drops in on
his way home from office for the purpose
OF ascertaining how the sick man is
progressing, il is up TO her to dab the
powder on her nose, snatch fresh house
Jacket out OF the chiffonler, receive the
chief of division and tell him that her
husband is suffering SO severely with nery-
GUS prostration that the medical man has
forbidden him TO see even her.
"When the man who makes his wife do
all the lying gets shook down for his en-
yelope In poker game on pay day night
and therefore can't arrive Mt taw with the
$19.54 due on the grocery bill, she has to
prance up to the gloomy and skeptical
grocerymaR with the neck whisliers and
inform him that, on his way through the
Smithsonian grounds on the night before,
her husband was attacked by an Afro
American gum shoe artist o feet in height
and relieved OF his whole wad under pain
of immediate dissolution.
when the man who makes his wife do
all the lying under the stimulus OF IL tail
deep ones has invited u of his friends
and their wives to join him in box party
at the theater on next Tuesday evening,
il is up to her, when be emerges from the
fond dream, TO write to the II wives (who
may already be cleaning their gloves and
neck pieces with gasoline in anticipation
of the box party to the general effect
that her husband is threatened with the
loss of his eyesight and that he has been
imperatively ordered by his oculist to re-
main in dark room for an indefinite Pc
riod.
1.-THE man who makes his wife do all
the lying is a wen on the body social, and
he has got to go. | have spoke.
% Trihune