The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1901-07-26
A DETECTIVE STORY.

Once upon a time there was a Band
Of Brothers. They were a noble band
in their own smart and
shrewd and devilishly sly. They
regarded neither the laws Of God nor
the laws Of man, but when the Sab
bath Of the Lord came, closed their
front doors, picketed their outposts,
and winked the other eye. And thus
they carried on nefarious traffic as
regularly on Sunday as on any other
day in the week-for to them Sunday
was simply day in the week.
And all went merrily on and they
fdtened and thrived and the mourns
Of mothers nor the signs Of wives nor the
shivering of poorly clad and half starved
children not of their own but of
others disturbed them not.
And yet there was one thorn in their
flesh A certain pestiferous official,
whose alias was Johnnie Slick, ever
and anon disturbed their little games,
and by his irregular hours and in
trusive habits time and again plagued
them into curse words.
So they set about-thIs Band Of
Brothers did to barricade their secrets
from him And with the cunning
born of the devil, aud with hearts
and minds fatally bent on mischief,
they huilded their houses and estab-
lished electric alarm systems, and
placed their outposts and pickets,
and otherwise prepared to defy the law
and Johnnie Slick.
And for a time they succeeded wond-
rously we'll. For they were a band,
and Johnnie was but man. And
they could blow their bugle and
muster a score; while Johnnie could
blow his bugle aud muster at most
only a bakers half dozen. For
Johnnie's crowd were of mighty creeds
but little deeds; they professed much
but did nothing they planned lots, but
practiced the fallacy of faith without
works they were utterly lacking in the
common sense philosophy of the old
negro, who, when he wanted his neigh
boris chicken, not only prayed for it
but went and got it.
This may seem diversion, but it is
really part of our Detective
Story 1t relates not to ''the force,
but to the law and order crowd.
So it came to pass that Johnnie Slick
was cast down and the Band of Bro
theirs became stuck up. But these are
tickle times; and ''as the world goes
round and round, some go up and some
go down" But Johnnie possessed his
soul with patience for he had read in
a book from which the Band of Bro
theirs never read that pride goeth be-
fore destruction, and an naughty spirit
before fall. "
SO it happened I'VE say happened
because we do not know to the contra
ry) that about the time Mr. Slick haC
hit bottom and was deep down in the
dumps, there came to his aid and res
cue third party called Smith. From
whence he came or whittier he gOett
or who fetched him, this deponen
sayeth not because he knoweth not
And even if he did he might reserve
it for an interesting sequel.
Nevertheless and Notwithstanding
Mr.. Smith came, and he saw, and he
conquered. Mr.. Smith was detective
and he had associated with him il
business Mr.. Canada also detective
and one Mr.. Johnston, not a detective
out a convenient sort of ally at thi
stage of the game. Mr.. Johnston i
said to be related to the Mr. Johnston
Turn Me Loose family.
Now Mr.. Canada had cultivated tn
habit of doing just as Mr.. Smith toll,
him to do, without comment or ques
tion. And Johnston, who was here a
Canada s guest, having nothing else t
do, was willing to play 'me too t
Mr. Canada lead.
So when Mr.. Smith told Mr.. Canada
to go flushing, Mr.. Canada went, an
johnson he went too. And when Can
ada ran with the boys, Johnston Ta
too. And when Canada insinuate
himself into the good graces of tn
Sunday tipplers, Johnston passed i
too, and like jolly good fellows tn
Band of Brothers are all jolly good fel
r lows. barring their bile when Mr.. Sic
disturbs them they bought and sol
and drank together, and what DeteC
tive Canada saw. how could his pre-
tege and chum help seeing?
So it came about that both Canad
. and Johnston knew the secrets of til
Band of Brothers, and Detective Can
ada told them to his Chief, Detectiv
Smith And when the Chief knew a
r that he wanted to know he said to hi
a Lieutenant Canada, now this lushin
bout between you ana Johnston mu;