Hot Springs weekly star. (Hot Springs, S.D.) 1892-1917, 1901-05-31

llluIIy IOr only SoU
Journal.
Jimson-New York walters frequent
ly get 500 a week in tips. Jester
Gee whiz, it's a wonder their employ
I ers don't ask 'em for a job.-Ohio State
| Journal.
Expensive Sauce: "What are you to-
day-a bull or a bear?' Neither. I
am a lamb mint saucer" Eyes.
United States mint sauce.-Chicago
Tribune.
An Excuse: Mistress-Another break
age, Jane? And a wedding present,
too! How ever did you do it? Jane
(sobbing)-They always break-when
I-drop 'em.'-Punch.
Becky Sharp was a thoroughly
worthless woman" worthless? oh,
say, look at the money Thackeray and
Mrs. Ffske have made out of her,
Chicago Record-Herald. :.
Fanny-Now when am asked to
sing 1 never say, "Oh, 1 can't!!" but
1 always sit down at the piano
Annie-And let the audience find it out
for themselves ?-Tit-B Bits
A Merciful Dispensation: Daughter
oh, but men are so %hideously lacking
in s%e1f-control! Mother-Don't get
feverish about it, dear. If they weren't,
most girls would die old maids.-Brook.
Ign Life.
I%nterurban Badinage: Your town."
said the Chicagoan, lis called the City
of Straits,' 1 believe" YES" replied
the Detroiter; "and yours. 1 suppose,
might be known as the City Of
Crooks '-Philadelphia Record.
LADY, don't like this picture so we'll
as 1 did the last one you took of me.
Photographer-Ah. madam, l have not
the artistic taste that ] had when 1
was young; and, besides. my camera is
getting old.-New York Weekly.
The Stockholder-1've come to see
you, sir, about the earnings of your
company. The President-Haven't you
seen, sir, the published statement Of
our earnings? The Stockholders have.
but l want the facts.-Town Topics.
There Were Tears: "Did you ever
run away when you We're n boy"
"Once." "And 1 suppose the tears
flowed freely, when you returned?"
Yes. 1 made the mistake of going
back when father was at home.'-Ex.
change.
Towne-Poor Peck suffers a good
deal on account of dyspepsia. Browne
Nonsense! I see Him nearly every
day at his office, and he Towne-
o! he only suffers when he's at home.
It's his wife who has the dyspepsia
Philadelphia Press.
81 guess mebbe John is goin' to be
a great inancier an git money by his
brains," remarked Farmer Corntossel.
"Does he take such an interest in com
mercial affairs?" NO. Blu, he's got
to get a livin' somehow. An he jes'
won't workv'-Washington Star.
II wonder why it is that poets so de.
light to sing about the joys of spring
time" Il suppose" said Mr.. Sirius
Barker as he took u dyspepsia tablet.
that it's because poets seldom settle
down and experience the terrors of
Observation-Disclosures Star.
1.-The thief thoroughly ransacked the
house." said a Hutchinson paper, "but
failed to find anything of value" And
the next day the lady came furiously
into the Office and told the editor that
she had as many things of value in her
house as anybody-so there, now!-
Kansas City Journal.
II suppose you don't entertain much
serious consideration for all these pass.
ing fads in politics." 'Oh. l don't
know" answered Senator Sorghum. 81
am not as much adverse to fads as you
might imagine. I can readily see how
a good bit of money could be made out
of them."-Washington Star.
Phrenologist (enthusiastically)-Why
sir, your bump of veneration is the
greatest I have yer seen; such a bump
should make you a bishop! Delighted
Subject-Begorra, an is that so? Well,
I'll get Paddy Nolan to give me another
whack in the same place, and I'll be q
archbishop at once.-Tit-B Bits.
The big ocean greyhound had left
her pier and was steaming down New
York bay. what is that you're read.
ing. my friend?" asked a jovial passen-
ger. "'To Have and to Hold.'" replied
the man addressed. "Ah. yes; a trea-
tise on how to prevent s%easickness.
Nothing in 1t, my boy! Nothing in it,"
-Yonkers Statesman.
Woodland repartee: "Well, If you
haven't still got that red vestw ex.
claimed the jaybird, when he met the
robin. "They are still the proper thing"
4 ~ ~
have not taken to them yet" The
early worm here putting in an appear
ance, society chit-chat was laid aside
for the practice Of benevolent assimila-
tion.-Indianapolis Press.
1t Jared him: A Chicago broker re.
Gently found a postal-card in his morn
ing mail, reading as follows: Dear
sir-Please buy me 5000 shares OF Peo-
pies Gas at 95 cents, and sell the same
at $1.15. After deducting your COM