Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1901-06-07
CUPID, DOCTOR OF MEDICINE.
How the Specialist Got His Fee but
Lost His Patients.


found these fellows! / have to PAY my
tradesmen half as much again for being
major-g general as / had when / was a
colonel There's regular graduated tax
i'm London for all soldiers. Colonel so
mUGn, ma jor-general so much more. Con-
found en-! And half of EN- don't know
the difference between a general and
major general, ana want to charge me as
If 1 were a field marshall. Thank the
Lord, I'm the only one here, except the
victim in the torture chamber 50 perhaps
] shan't be kept waiting more than a
couple of hours. Humph Weekly pa
pcrs. Illustrated papers! ! used to read
EN- when l was in India, but since
I've retired ana this COMPOUNDED fell
low has been tinkering at my liver |
hate the sight of EN-. How can a man
enjoy the papers at his club when they
remind him of the doctors waiting-room?
I'll enter protest against the custom.
collects the illustrated papers and sits
on them) Now, then, where's the Lancet?
Something cheerful about saving
off other fellows legs will suit me. "A sort
of sherry and bitters before the feast
that to come Here we are. Voices
heard withoutJ Lord love us, here's
woman They're always rushing off to
the doctor, though what on earth they
ever have the matter with them that
| couldn't be cured with a bread pill beats
me. But l suppose the doctors must
live.
CThe Widow is shown in. c.
Widow (sitting L.)-What a nuisance!
one of those horrid old retired generals
| suppose. Now shall be kept waiting
| for hours while he dilates on his imagin-
| AIRY ailments What can a rough. strong
| man have the matter with him? Liver
| of course! That s overeating and too
| many whiskcy pegs. Men are so greedy!
| Wen, | suppose | must resign myself to
| looking at the illustrated papers, as usual.
| Strange, | don't see any of them, I'm
| afraid to ring and ask that pompous but
| Ter; he might be reading them in the
pantry. I'll ask the liverish old gentle
man; perhaps he's seen them. Coughs
| Ahem beg your pardon,
General beg yours ma'am, (AsdeD
| Now, what does She want with me ? 4
| widow, evidently. No use trying II on
with am old dog-foN like me. Seen too
much of EN- in India
Widow-I'm sorry to interrupt YOU. but
| have YOU seen the illustrated papers
| General No. ma am. l haven't. and |
don mean to. If YOU read EN- here,
| how can YOU enjoy EN- at the club
| Widow-But | haven't guf club and
want to read them here, as | shall have
| hours to wait-Caside) thanks to you.
| OLooks ahout) Why he's sitting on
| them, the old wretch, But IN have
them out If die for it, CAloudD I'm
sorry to disturb YOU. but | think the pa
pers are behind your chair
| General-Behind my chair? Confound
the woman Impossible a'am' why,
| so they are,
Widqw,.Perhaps the butler AT tRanf
Nh5fe. '-A-,. -A.t
General-The butler No. ma am. No
Butler would daie to take such a liberty.
CRisesD
Widow Doctors buffers are capable
OF anything. Thank YOU, if you will let
me have them.
General tsull holding themD-NIadam.
let me advise YOU. ! have plenty of eN-
perence Don't look at these papers
don't know what is the matter with YOU.
whether YOU are going To be trepanned
like a poor fellow have been reading
of i'm the Lancet. or have leg cut off or
an eye out; but whatever it is. don't read
en-. They will always bring back the re-
mcmberancc: YOU will always feel as if
your leg was coming off again: they will
always taste of the surgery / can
hardly look at EN- now-they remind me
of my liver. Take an old-a middle
aged mans advice, and don't read EN-.
Sit on en-.
Widow-asidc oh. that's how they
came on his chair, (Aloudl But I'm
not going to have anything out or of,
and need soothing Crakes papers,
Thank you very much,
General-WeN. If YOU will read EN- Of
course you must But I've warned you.
(SitsD
Widow-(after n pause)-Tm sorry to
interrupt YOU again, but your voice and
manner seem strangely familiar to me.
General-No, ma'am. they're not ! I'm
possihle-qute impossible I've been i'm
India and the Soudan for 80 years on and
of impossible CAside) Confound the
woman
Widow-Why impossible was born
in India
General God bless my soul, All, but
you had to leave it at "A very early age.
Children of your generation We're always
sent to school aside And a great re-
lief il was,
Widow (aside,-My generation? What
does he mean by my generation?
Gcneral-And / didn't go out until !
joined the service.
Widow All, then we must have ar
rived in India about the same time
General-Yes but not by the same
route, ma'am
Widow But it was in England that I
knew YOU. Don't you remember Wills
ford. Captain
General-Mai or-general, ma am.-major
general retired. Yes, l do remember
Wilsford, but ages ago-ages ago.
Widow-Hou We're home on sick leave
and we played croQuet.
General Croquet! /? Never! Gro
quet
Widow-Indeed you did. And when I
was NIoqutu INTO the pushes you uSeu 20
help me out
General-God bless my soul! Why
you're never little Mary?
Widow-Yes. l am-litue Mary.
General-But you've grown.
Widow-People do grow in so years
general.
General-Maj or-general! So you are
little Mary? Wen, Well! I've forgotten
what your other name was.
Widow 1t does not matter l have
changed it since those days.
General-Youre married?
Widow have been.
General-(aside) l was right, then. I
| thought so. She is a widow.
Widow-And you are much older than
| you We're.
General-Not Bit All our family
| turn gray young. Thirty years ago,
| Why, | must be a battered old thing,
I've had fever and ague, sword wounds
| from the Afghans and bullet wounds
| from the dervshes. I We got slug
| about me now.
Widow (starting)-Good heavens! The
| horrid creature! How can you touch
such horrid Shiny thing? Don't let it
| loose, general.
| GeneraI-Majo r- general! Is she mad?
| | wish l could get at it. a man doesn't
carry a bullet in his body If he can get
| rid of it.
Widow-A bullet? I thought you said
| slug!
General-so I did They're the same
! thing aren't they? She's mad.
| Widow-I'm so glad it's only bullet!
! | thought it was a slug, and never could
| bear snakes; they get on my nerves so,
| General ~ GY,al los hap