davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23

posedly intelligent woman. | say this
carpet is all right. l don't remember
whether it is a three-ply Administer or
a Cochin China. but FL bet my last
dollar it's miles ahead of anything on
this street. And just look at these por-
tieresi'
Don't please don't" she said as
fresh tears fell.
Do you mean that they don't match
the ceiling or something
"I.mean you've got five odd ones
red. blue, green, terra Gotta and old
gold. We can never make pairs OF
them. and just think of the awful shock
to people of taste. Mr.. Bowser, why
did you-why did you?"
so this is my reward for giving you
a surprise, is it," he demanded as he
glared down at her.
But you shouldn't have lone it,
she walled. we must have harmony,
you know, and you-you-"
And l don't know enough to match
a burned old pink ceiling. Very well.
Mrs. Bowser. There seems to be no
special call for your remaining here any
longer, and you may retire to your
room; ! shall probably spend the even
ing at the club. We don't feel obliged
to paint the chair legs down there 10
match the whiskers of the walters"
She retired, but he didn't 60 out. He
walked up and down the dismantled
rooms for a time, kicking at the car
pets and portieries, and family paused
to set the music box going. 1t started
off in a wheezy, jerky way with the
air of Maggie Murphy's Home" and
it set his teeth on edge at once. Mrs.
Bowser heard it and went afresh. The
family cat heard it, and ther tail grew
big and her eyes glared. Mr.. Bowser
stood it for about thirty seconds. Then
he made a sudden jump and landed
with both feet on the box and smashed
it~to kindling. and he grabbed up rug
n portieries and bundled them up
and batted the walls with the ball and
finally flung them out of the window
into the back yard. Then all was quiet
down stairs except for his hoarse
breathing, and two hours later. when
he crept up to bed. Mrs. Bowser had
cried herself to sleep.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23

composed of carpets, portieres, music
box and rug, and as she gazed at it
Mr.. Bowser stood by with folded arms
and a smile on his face.
"What-what have you done?' she
finally gasped as she turned pale and
leaned against the wall.
Done? Why. | have secured what
we wanted for these rooms. and saved
us hundreds of dollars he replied.
Mrs. Bowser, | have got carpets and
portieres fit for the palace of Il king,
and / got them for a mere song. AS
o as we have had dinner I will
make your heart throb with JOY. What
in thunder is the matter with you?"
The tears We're falling and it was a
minute or two before she could brace
up and climb the stairs to take off her
hat. AS he watched her go up Mr..
Bowser felt a chill creep over him and
scented coming disaster, but he shook
it off and was trying to whistle as she
came down again. He couldn't get
back his exaltation. however. and she
had nothing to say about his purchases,
and dinner was a dreary affair. When
it was over at last he said:
I'VE will o view my purchases. I
suppose you are somewhat disappoint-
ed at being knocked out Of your shop
ping. but | had to grab the bargains
when | did. Let me haul out these
carpets for your inspection. This one
is for this room, and if you can find
any fault with it go ahead. | don't re-
member now whether it's a Royal
Worcester or a Dagestan, but
Mrs. Bowser sat down and began TO
cry, and it was a long minute before
she could say:
But it's blue, Mr.. Bowser."
"Of course it's blue; You don't sup
pose I'm color biini. do your"
iBut look at the paper and the CELL
ing and see what an awful mismatch.'
What has the paper and the ceiling
to do with that carpet? It's a regular
jim dandy and the richest we evef had.
and any other woman than YOU
He was spreading the carpet out as
he talked and he found it four feet too
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23
NJ 1osHsER,s BARGAIN.
U1s0ee11es : Zig Thins In Portiers
and Carpets.


and Carpets.
downright. 1su. BY C.. B. Lewis.)
During the week that the painters
an6sparer hangers were In the Bowser
pqelnrs Mr.. Bowser happened to be SO
NY bury at the Office that he left
everything at home to Mrs. Bowser.
Sheselected the paper for the walls and
tie tilts for the ceilings, and he scarce
" looked into the rooms. In a dim,
nn1efncd way he realized that new
carpets and new portieres were to be
bought. and he heard talk of harmony
% colors without paying much atten-
ti0n. he was to take a day of and go
down town with Mrs Bowser to. select
the goods. and the day had been set
when ono OF these many good things
always coming his way suddenly bob
bed up. An acquaintance who was
about to attend an auction sale of rare
and rich furniture entered the office
and mentioned the fact. and Mr.. Bow
ser WAS instantly alert.
by John, but that reminds mel" he
exclaimed. We've been sticking up
the parlors over home and are ready
tor new carpets and portieres. I may
strike just what we want at this sale
and hit a bargain"
II was a sale Of the entire effects of a
millionaire family which had suddenly
been reduced from the top notch to the
bottom. one. Furniture, CARPETS and
curtains hadn't been in the house long
enough for the flies to light on them.
There were Louis XVI. chairs, Marie
Antoinette carpets, King George por-
there's and Queen Anne curtain poles,
and as Mr.. Bowser gazed around him
he felt that he should make the ten
strike Of his life. AS neal as he could
remember, five portieres were wanted
for his parlors to cover the openings,
and the auctioneer had no sooner put
up "a rare lot" than Mr.. Bowser be-
came a bidder. Three or four other
people wanted them badly, but he walk
ed over them in the bidding and
chuckled in triumph. He had never
measured the length and breadth of the
rooms, but as he shut one eye and
scratched his head he decided that they
were about so long and so broad. He
might be a foot over or under, but that
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23

? x 'But It's Blue, Mr. Bowser.
didn't count. There were a couple OF
carpets under his feet which would be
about a fit, and the patterns pleased
him. He heard the auctioneer talking
about Royal Wiltons, Queen Anne. AK
minster and the seventeenth century.
but before he had time to post himself
the bidding began. This time he had to
down q dozen other bidders. but he did
It. in good shape and the carpets were
his: Then he picked up a music box at
. price never before heard of. bid on
z rug going for a song and started out
afeer an express wagon with such a
glow Of satisfaction in his heart that
the flush on his cheeks might have been
laid to brandy.
Mr.. Bowser was in luck In getting
his purchases home. Mrs. Bowser was
down town and the glad surprise had
been waiting for an hour when she
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23
DER GERMAN COBBLER.
He strikers Good Thing, But Can't
Hang On To lit.

He Strikes Good Thing, But Can't
Hang On To 1T.
Copyright. 1901. by C. B. Lewis.)
One day when | don't hat some work
to do und yhas singing Il Like to Be
Some Angels do coal. man comes in
und says:
Hans. you vhas a good Teller, but
you don't know some peesness in Amer
lea. / shall put you oop to a good
thing, und if o don't make feefty
dollars a week you vhas no good. Can
you make COP some poetry
Il can" | says.
"Vhell. dat vhas bully, I shall put
you ocp some signs OF Der Cobbler
Poet. Poetry made While you get some
repairs, und no extra charge Why
rams, customers Will fall oafer each
other to get into your shop. und del
money Will come rolling in SO fast you
can't count it.
4 don't know aboudt some poetry IN
= eobbIer shop; but dot coal mansyhas
- ffxndt of mine und ! sood peesnes.
1sp dEd pe{Ie1 hsvne5 4, q Iii
SesIe oPal mi
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23

wrote me on a Sunday II he was rusn-
ed during the week
Bat ofiees are mighty scarce. Uncle
Henry
And so are patriots like me. It's NO
use. Abe-no use. The President has
gone back on a man who was willing
to shed his last drop OF blood for Amer
lea. and that mar amt going to over
look it. I'm going right al it and bust
the United States of America all ia
squashi"
Please don't
But | will. Yes, Abe, I've got ny
warpaint on and my dander up, and BY
the great horn spoon I'm going to pull
the tail feathers ont OF the Americas
eagle and kick the Constitution higaer'n
Kilderoy's kite,"
4 begged and entreated him to stay
his hand and struggled with him for
half an hour, and finally on my prom
Use to drop in and see the government
some evening and see that Bill was
taken care OF. Uncle Henry agreed to
let things go along for another month.
l had only left him half a mile behind
when l came across Silas Bebee as he
was driving to town. and he stopped
me to say:
ABE. I allus found you q square
man. and l want to give you q word Of
warning. Look out for another job.
whats the row." said /.
"sumthin's going to tumble and ron
git out from UNDER
But what is 1t, Silas?"
They've raised taxes on me-a dollar
more'n last year"
You don't sayi"
But Il do and can prove II. Yes. sir.
while I've been licking everybody who
said anything ag'in this government
and have stood ready to make almost
any sacrifice she's gone and raised my
taxes as a reward. You know me. Abs.
and you know I'm not the man "a
stand it."
"But what can you dol" 81
Start a revolution that viii Upset
the old applicant inside OF q monGo
and bring folks to their lenses. XII DO
it. Abe--In do 1t II It takes my -
cow-and / warn you to look out u
another job. I'm a bad man when I'm
trampled on. and they'll md Il ous
when a wave of blood goes swashint
over this land. I'm on my way to towL
now to buy a new hoe and start thu
revolution going"
1t took me IS minutes to get him 10
hold of for two weeks while / wrestled
with the government to have bis taxes
reduced. and as drove IN he callei -
me:
Two weeks. Abe but not another dayi
Its either lower taxes or a wave Of
blood. n you can tell EN- I'D q leetls
rather have the blood"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23

"Und She Grabs Both -ands in NV
Hair Ind Pulls Nc Aroundt.,
poetry. Please make it like Shake
speare. und let it come easy. / vhas
oudt nit der boys last night und vhas
a leetle nervous dis morning, und
don't like some sudden jars. Now soft
ly begin"
Und so l says:
"A min NIT a schmiie und a grin
One day ply a cobh,er goes in.
You may fix cop dot heel.
says der man no speel.
But Ger cobhler waits for his tin"
ply thunder. but how you mean"
says der man ash he sthands O
Il mean | like my pay in advance
l says.
But Why in advance? Do you pellet
| vhas some deadbeats? ] hat some
work done py more ash one t'ousand
cobblers. II no one eafer asks for his
pay in advance. 1t vhas some insults
on my honor, ind you shall beg my
pardon"
Il vhas cash in advance"
"Oh, you yhas? Well. I vhas in adj
vance. too. und | don't let no doonder
headed cobbler insult mel"
Und he knocks me aroundt und kicks
my bench oafer. und my wife she vhas
SO scared she almost hat some fits.
vhas SO sore / can hardly work
aroundt. but when i goes Ply der win.
dow to take down dot sign a womans
comes along und says:
One moment. please. Was dis del
poet cobbler?"
He vhas.' says, but he goes oud,
of peesness.'
All. dot vhas o badt. | can prins
you more ash six pairs of shoes te
mend. nnd won't you please shpeal
some poetry to me. You look like
good natured man. und I pellet YOU
vhas willing to oblige me"
"A widow whose husband vhas dead.
Climbs oop after cherries so red,
But she loses her grip
Ind makes a bad sIi1
Ind comes down ~kerplunk on her head
How did you hear aboudt me?" says
dot omans NIT danger in her eyes.
Il don't hear nottings. 1t vhas JUS
poetry" i says.
.Cobbler, you yhas a bold. had
mani" she yells. "und IL Wasn't some
| helpless wom1ns should horsewhfr
You! Neffer In m my life shall yor
* some shoes f0rxEAe. und * ycu l0ol
oudt 1t ne Sill naeepy Il Win: - 81
months NIT der WQkkhoame
So ule fht 6GoemSn1
c1SS
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23
ing and weeping at the same time.

ing and weeping at the same time.
Then get even by shaking three or
four men and don't shed another tear.
Bless me, but If my wife was a widow
she wouldn't stand one show in so be-
side you. Widow, haste thee away
and curl thy hair and powder thy chin
ana get ready to wreck the lives of half
a dozen windmill agents before Satur-
day night
She called down blessings on my
head as | drove off, and | looked to see
her tripping up the path with new joys
and greater hopes in her hart. | had
just reached the Sehimerhorns' and
was dropping a letter into the box
when the old man came out of the
%corntieId with a hoe on his shoulder
and said:
Look a-here, Abe. I'm going to bust
this burned old government into a
cooked hot, and j thought I might as
well tell You right here and nowi"
What's the matter, Uncle nenry?"
sale l..
haven't stuck by this government
,nrongh thick and thin for the last 20
years.
I'M sure you have
Haven't | had the American eagle
painted Oh my boss barn and kept the
stars and stripes filing every day IN
the year,"
ats true. Uncle Henry"
and m allus the first one to pay
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23

reached home. Mr.. Bowser stood ID the
hall to welcome her, and 1t was asproud
moment of his life when he said:
my dear woman, please. step into
the parlor with me"
isis mother here?" she queried.
with a laugh.
Il am happy to say that my esteemed
mother-in-law has not arrived up 10
the present hour. Step right in, how
ever. Perhaps you will be feven more
pleased than if your respected mother
awaited you."
As Mrs. Bowser entered the front
paTlor she beheld the heap on the floor.
and the family cat had made her way
to the top of it and was surveying the
country round her. The heap was
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23
tn poNDERINs Nv A sPIxsrER,

Why a man should feel kalled upon
ter advertize his poetry BY his hare ur
by his kollar an kurvat 10 nifty sur
prism. Kinder seems's ef suthins
must be tn matter with tn poetry.
wun girl kant see fer tn life Nv te1
what thur is bout a-nuther girl thtt
shuld set sum fellers ravin', tearin' mad.
aTain't fer yew to see. dcaries. Jest yew
go rite on an be yer own sweet, trew
self, an see whatIi happen.
It's pertickeler invitin' ter meet sum
folks 'kaze we're sartin they: 0e a.
lookins fer all tn good thur Ia konceal-
ed erbont your looks n manner n
pussons. But it's orful hard ter brace
up an be reel peart ter them al W
knowll make II their bizness ter IND
out all tn knots thet hey got inter our
thread NV life.
sumtimes 4 hav my doubts whether
it's worth more ter ketch a keer IN git
tn best seat than It's ter be perlite.
An thur is times when tn best place
'longside Nv III shop kowntcr don't
seem ter be wuth more than
Kinder seems g ef 'twouid Be resl
plezun, ef folks 'ud take ! day Oh onct
In a while ter be perlite an konsidris
all round. Martby Ann n me,s eoln
ter try ton seprit dase.
EIvmA HOPKzNe,
frum Tompkins Korners. \
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23

short and three feet to narrow. He
was taken afback for a minute. and then
rolled it up mi spread the other ona
Q and said:
And this is for the back parlor.
don't remember what brand it is. but
It's xxx, at least and worth five times
whafsI paid for it."
But it's red" she sobbed.
"Of course it's red, and that's what l
wanted"
Bat It wont harmonic with paper or
ceiling"
Harmonic be hanged. Is any one
going to sit with one eye on the ceiling
and the other on the carpet?. Mrs
BoWser, ] must say that you've got
some mighty singular ideas for a sup
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23
HONEST ABE. U. S. A.
He Scatters Words of Cheer AID
Aycrts Political Cala mites.


Aycrts Political Gala mites.
Copyright. 1871, by G.. r. l.ewis.)
When | got along to the Widow Tay-
lor the other day | found her at the
gate, looking pale faced and anxious.
There was a newspaper for her, but nc
letter, and. seeing that she was greatly
cast down, / said:
ANY one sick, widow. and are yea
expecting to hear bad news?"
Say. Abe she replied after a min
ute, I'm almost a mind to tell you
something, but I'm afraid you'd laugh
at me-"
Don't you believe it, widow. Is 1t
an official or private communication?
Don't forget as the driver of this mail
wagon I'm representing the postal
service, the administration, the great
American nation and the flag which
waves over 10000, 900 freemen."
.rhis hain't got nothing to do with
the great American nation" she said
as she turned away 10 sigh. Its be-
tween men you, Abe. that l say I've
been shook
do you mean that somebody has CIV
en- you the marble hearth"
1t looks like it. Do you remember
the Teller who come along here last
January selling barbed wire fences?
He had blue eyes and red whlskers and
spoke with a smile. and he fell in love
with me at first sight. He was around
here for a week. and before he went
away he asked me to be .his'n."
And you promised?" said l..
"I-Ithink ibid. He was to come in
a month, and he was TO write me three
times a week. | got two letters from
him. but that was all. 1t what they
call the old shake. amt it,"
Looks like it. widow-looks very
much like it. I'm afraid he was only
toying with YOU affections. He was
barbed wiring the pastures and your
heart at the same time. Have you
written him."
Almost every day. Abe. I've writ
ten him love, and I've written him
threats, but he won't answer neither.
I'm SO upset that | don't know what to
do. ! can't work days, and | can't
sleep nights. It's an awful thing. Abe
for a man to tell a woman that she's
the dearest, sweetest. cutest. lovingesa
thing on earth and then walk Oh as
0 0 as a COW in a cornield. l believe
| shall commit suicide
Widow said / as watced the
tears streaming down her cheeks
don't you go and cut up no clothes
line to hang yourself on OF any
such scoundrel. He might have bad
blue eyes and red whiskers, but his
heart was false. II you had married
him. he would have broken you hear
in a month. Lord bless me. but hi
might have taken you to Niagara Falls
on a bridal tour and chucked you over!
Just weed him right out OF your hear,
and go TO looking sweet and purity
again. Why. | know a dozen felIers
who are dying to marry YOU
You don't say she gasped.
"Of course ! do. and with the hints
shall drop here and there you'll have
e stand At the safe With ! club 70 KEEP
-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23
men practicfnE

to raise a row among der peoples?
Maybe you hat made oop some verses
on me like
"A copper whose name 1t yhas Jack,
Nit stomach ash big as a hack,
DR. asthma came on
To dat son of a gun
Ind laid him oudt. flat on his back.
Und dot policemans rush at me nit
mis- club. ind. Ply golly. When | awoke
some more / vhas a dead mans on der
floor of my shop! Und when dot coal
mans in und hears all aboudt =
he SAYS:
"A cobbler who cobbled away
Ind patched oop a shoe eafery day.
.He turned oudt 2 poet.
Ind der yhay he did GO 1t
hafn't got words for to saw
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23
ures a man comes in NIT a shoe ind

says:
"vhell. yhefl. but l like a poet. You
may put a patch on dot shoe und make
me oop some poetry While | wait"
Und | took dot shoe ind says:
Der vhas an old man init a nose,
IND II vhas so red ash a rose.
Ind one day when he cough
Dot noAe 1t falls off
Ind broke some fife Of his toes"
/ pellet dot man vhiil hit me on der
back und laugh when he hears dot
poetry, but he don't do so. He grabs
dot noe AWAY und says:
"Cobbler. I vhas in dis town dwendy-
sefen years, und dis vhas der first time
anybody insults me. You yhas no
shenflemans, sir. You vhas a big loaf
er instead, und Lake my work to a
dago. like to kick you ten times, und
I tell you to look oudt for me-"
He goes oudt. und / don't know how
he vhas, und pooty queek a womans
NIT red hair comes in und says:
"Cobbler, | read yourssign und come
in to say dot | shall pring you in more
ash two dollars worth Of work to-mor-
row So 0 vhas some poets, Ell?
Well, dot vhas shplendid. l wrote
some poetry myself. und SO We vhas
like twins. Let me hear you make
some poetry"
Und so I says:
"A woman whose hair It svhas red.
She says she wish She vhas dead,
Ind she goes osqdt, BY a. tree.
nd from life She gets free
BY standing too long on her head"
"Cobbler," says dot womans ash she
shumps oop, s'vhas dot me. you make
some poetry aboudt."'s
"oh. MOI 1t yhas a womans in Gin
c~innati." / says.
81 pellet you vhas SOME liars sir. Ny
hair vhas red, und you like to make
fun of me. / Will now spheak some
poetry to you."
und she grabs both hands in my hair
und pulls me aroundt und makes me
boiler, und when she goes oudt she says
her husband shall come in und make
me wish | vhas a dodo NIT eight wings
to fly away IN. Ny wife cries. und /
shwears, und MAYBE | took dot sign
down if a Teller don't come in und
shmile und laugh und say:
! goes Ply dis shop more ash one
hoondred times nnd don't know you
yhas some poets. Shust excuse me
You shall fix my heel md gif me some
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-23

I'm coinx Ia Bust This Government.
my taxes and the first one TO chip in
for the Fourth OF July. Yes, Abe. I've
stood up lor America in hailstorms
and thunder showers and when every
body else in the country was down %
her. and what's the resultg My son
Bill has got sore eyes and a stir knee.
and I thought Id get him an easy job
for the summer I wrote t. the presi-
dent to see IL be had a place to fit. and
he never even answered my letter.
What sort OF a reward d'yon call THAR
Hes awful busy you know" said I.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1901-10-07
A Typical South African Store.

o. E. Larson of Bay Villa, Sundays River, Cape Colony. conducts a store typical of South Africa, at which can be purchased anything from the pro verbal "nees,te to an anchor This store is situated in valley nine miles from the nearest railway station and about twenty-five miles from the nearest town MT. Larson says: T am favored with the custom of farm CTS within a radius of thirty miles. to many of whom l have supplied Cham berlain's s remedies. All testify to their value in a household where a doctors advice is almost out of the question. Within one mile of my store the population is perhaps sixty. Of these, within the past twelve months, no less than fourteen have heen absolutely cured by Chamber lain's Cough Remedy. This must surely be a record" For sale by W L. De Woody & Co.,, druggists.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1901-10-07
Daring NaspS.

"Wasps Were the first paper makers" said an entomolo@ist T; is very inter- esting to study the ways of these fierce little insects. For the sake of a grab at the honey store |; single individual will sometimes face q whole hive Of bees, being ill fair combat q match for any three inhabitants of the apiary. Most Of us have had experience of the tearlessncss with which they will at tack huH!aa beings"
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1901-10-07
Fire Fighting In England.

In the smaller places il England horses have to be borrowed fer the fire engines. Often tlrty to fifty minutes are wasted in getting horses, which. wEcn :,n alarm cf fire Was given. were at work at their daily duty. \ consid- crable amoant e tIlae is also lost in finding pfej,er harness fer teem. The horsing Of steam engises in country Cistricts is {; very eli!lic;:lt problem