The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1901-09-21
HEALED BY HUMBUG.
Confession of a Medical Man-Treat-
msnt of Imaginary Ills.

doctor Of any experience must have I
had, said a medical man to a writer
for London Tit-Bits; and l have !
performed some wonderful feats of
curing by methods which would not !
be recorded in the Lancet.
Of course, among a doctors clients
are many whose ailments exist only
in their imagination, and not a few
of them are positive cranks.
Only a month ago a man called to
see me in a state Of great distress.
He assured me that chad gotta "frog
in his inside" He had swallowed it
in a condition of infancy in a glass
of impure water some months earlier,
and it had grown to an enormous size,
and he was sure that it would be the
death of him if he could not get rid
of it.
In vain l pointed out that the frog
existed only in his fancy; he grew fu-
rious at the suggestion, and said that
/ was as incompetent and unsympa-
thetic as all the other doctors he had
consulted.
At last, to get rid Of the man, l
said; every well, you may be right,
after all. AT any rate, come here
again at this time tomorrow and we
will see what can be done"
He came disappointed time, and
l told him that an operation wouldb be
necessary, to which he gladly con-
sented. | made him lie down on a
couch, administered chlorofOrm, and
r when he recovered consciousness was
: able to show him a very large and
: frisky frog as the result Of the op-
Grafton, His delight was unbound
ed, and he went away blessing me
q for saving his life. Of course, he had
no suspicion that the frog had been
specially imported for his benefit.
d Another of my patients has to
thank me for his preserved eyesight
at least, 50 he is kind enough to
r say, He informed me that tin-tack
which he had been hammering had
sprung up and lodged in his right
If eye, causing him infinite p~ain-anG
a certainly the mans eye, from con.
al slant rubbing, was in a state Of grea.
inflammation.
5 | examined the eye carefully, bu
3. could find no trace Of any foreign sub
of stance in it; and, as for there bein,
as a tin-tack "buried in it" the idea wa
ne preposterous, However, as | saw tn
". man was convinced the tack was Their
IT. and was making himself i'll with anx:
tie ETY. about it, ! suggested small OF
". Grafton, A few minutes preparatio
les was all that was necessary. Fortr
n. nately, one of my boys had a magne
~, which l discovered, and attachin
en- this to a battery I held it in proximit
nd to the mans eye,
of Within a few seconds my efor
were rewarded, for I was able to sho
my patient a very vicious-lookingti til
tack (Which 1 had taken from IL
III drawing-room carpetl, and had Il
in satisfaction Of sending him avn
Err happy, to advertise my "skilP amor
by his friends.
AN One good lady, who is a small al
re- constant annuity to me, VOWS that
yed am the "cleverest doctor in town
the and has sent me crowds of patien
md She is one of those people who are
ted ways imagining that they have Sol
ally ailment; indeed, | think by this tn
any she must almost have exhausted
his the "ills that flesh is heir to" and W
or have to begin again.
OF course, there is nothing VIII
'out ever the matter with her, except
and dolence, which is the mother of
riOd kinds of disorders, real and fancif
With Fortunately for every ailment I
bis able to provide a specific, which ne
nty, fails to cure her within a few wee
$ of The curious thingis that, with aslis
he variation in coloring and favor,
medicines are always the same, q
contain nothing more potent tt
raw. a ! little sugar, with a tablespoonful
. nf wine or spirit,
Mr. Some people would say that i
, ~ wrong to deceive a y patient in this W
; III but I cannot see it. Such women
never happy unless they are sun
ho Is the doctors hands," and if one n
Co., won't doctor them another will.
,n,r medicines certainly do them &C
if only in imagination; and in
n~articular case do not cost my