The Montgomery tribune. (Montgomery City, Mo.) 1892-1910, 1901-09-06
HEALED BY HUMBUG.
Confession Of q Medical Man--Trsat-
ment Of Imaginary Ills.

doctor Of any experience must have
had, said a medical man TO a writer
for London Tit-Bits; and l have
performed some wonderful feais Of
curing by methods which would not
be recorded in the Lancet.
OF course, among a doctors clients
are many whose ailments exist only
in their imagination, and not a few
Of them are positive cranks.
Only a month ago a man called to
see me in a state Of great distress.
He assured me that he had gotta "frog
in his inside" lie had swallowed it
in a condition Of infancy in a glass
Of impure water some months earlier,
and il had grown to an enormous size.
and he was sure that II would be the
death Of him il he could not get rid
Of it.
In vain ! pointed out that the frog
existed only in his fancy; he grew fu-
rious at the suggestion. and said that
] was as incompetent and unsympa-
thetic as all the other doctors he had
consulted.
AT last. to get rid Of the man, l
said: Every well, you may be right,
after all. At any rate, come here
again at this time tomorrow and we
will see what can be done"
lie came at the appointed time, and
told him that an operation would be
necessary. to which he gladly con-
sented. made him lie down on a
couch. administered chloroform, and
when he recovered con.ciousnessSas
able TO show him a very large and
frisky frog as the result Of the OPP
Grafton. His delight was unbound
ed, and he went away blessing me
for saving his life. OF course. he had
no suspicion that the frog had been
specially imported for hi. benefit.
Another OF my patients has to
thank me for his preserved cyesight
at least. 80 he is kind enough to
say. lie informed me that a tin-tack
which he had been hammering had
sprung up and lodged in his right
eye. causing him infinite pain-and
certainly the mans eye. from con-
slant rubbing. vas in a state OF great
inflammation.
| examined the eve carefully, but
could find no trace ofany foreign sub
stance in il; and. as for there being
a tin-tack ''buried in it," the idea was
prepostcrous. However. as I saw the
man was convinced the tack was there
and was making himself i'll with anxi-
ETY. about it. ! suggested a small OPP.
grafton. A few minutes preparation
was all that was necessary. Fortu-
nately. n Of my boys had a magnet,
which ! discovered. and attaching
this to battery held II in proximity
to the mans eye.
Within a few seconds nv efforts
we're rewarded, for I was able to show
my patient a very vicious-looking tin
tack (Which ! had taken from the
drawing-room carpet), and had the
satisfaction Of sending him away
happy. to advertise my skill" among
his friends.
One good lady. who is a small and
constant annuity to me, VOWS that /
am the "cleyerest doctor in town."
and has sent me crowds Of patients.
She is one Of those people who are al
ways imagining that they have some
iilment: indeed, | think by this time
the must almost have exhausted all
the ellis that flesh is heir TO" and will
nave to begin again.
or course, there is nothing what
'yer the matter with her, except in
~iolence, which is the mother of all
kinds Of disorders, real and fanciful.
Fortunately for every ailment | am
able to provide a specific, which never
tails to cure her within a few weeks.
The curious thing is that, with a slight
variation in coloring and flavor, the
medicines are always the same, and
contain nothing more potent than
/ little sugar, with a tablespoonful of
vine or spirit.
Some people would say that it is
wrong to deceive patient in this way;
,ut cannot see it. Such women are
lever happy unless they are under
he doctors hands," and if one man
Won't doctor them another will. Ny
medicines certainly do them good,
only in Imagination; and in this