Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1901-10-16
NUMBER 4e.

Socrates, the patriotism of Uncle
Sam and the vacuum of experience.
Aha! Slow down captain, l want to.
come aboard. The ships way is
stopped and Neptune, the God of
the seas, decorated and tatooed in.
gorgeous style, holding n trident.
riding on the backs of dolphins aud,
drawn by fiery steeds and accom-
panied by his wife Salacia, his legal
advisers, doctor, barber, police and
attendants, appear off the starboard
side. All hands lay hold of the
ropes aud To the strains of some well
known roliicking chanty, they yank.
him forth dripping wet. The crew.
were the first to welcome them and
seated Neptune and his wife on a
gun carriage with his staff surround.
ing them. They are next met by
the captain aud officers and saluta-
tions having been exchanged, they
"splicc the main brace"-treat to
grog. Neptune arose and waving
his trident aloft, at the sight of
which deadly silence swept over
the assembly, ,--'twas the calm that
preceded the storm and in q voice
dripping with sea foam against
which the breakers of time could
not prevail, read the following de-
cree.
PROCLAMATION.
TO the shippers, officers, crew and
passengers aboard the United States
Army Transport Thomas.
GREETING.
Whereas: From information
handed us about midnight by our ever
faithful lookout men stationed along
the l80th Meridian, we find that the
u. ). A. Il. Thomas has attempted to
enter that part of our realms held
sacred by us for those Of the faithful
who have been duly initiated into
our mysteries, without paying
tribute TO our exchequer; and
whereas:
Our august slumbers have been
disturbed by sounds Of revelry and
college yells; and whereas:
Ye have wilfully, wickedly, felon-
ously and with malice aforethought
robbed, swindled and despoiled our
good Con. Father Time, of one day,
to-wit, August 8, I9oI; and whereas:
1t IL our bounded duty as monarch
of the seas to board all passing ships
and pay our respects To the shippers
and at the same time, intercept any
rash mortals who may attempt surrep-
titlously to steal past our presence;
we therefore, according TO custom
handed down from time immemorial
request that all those persons who.
are entering the far east for the first
time be delivered to our properly
authorized officers.
PROCLAMATION II.
Know all mortals by these pres
ents, that III the matter of the sea
VS.. Captain Buford, Couling and
Gerard, the supreme court find that
they each and severally have been
found guilty Of aiding and abetting
others in smuggling such galaxy
of youth and beauty, as would make
our mermaids turn green with envy,
through our domains without our
knowledge and that the fines i'm
posed be az follows:
Captain Buford one bottle Of gro9.
Captain Couling one box of cigars
and one bottle of grog.
Captain Garrard one box Of cigars.
Furthermore: I'm the matter of
thePacific Ocean VS.. Arthur G Rose.
chief engineer, caused with having
wilfully vitiated and contaminated
the pelucidity and salubrity of our at
mosphere by emitting from the good
ship Thomas poisonous, villainous
smoke compared to which the fumes
of Farallon de Pajoros are as incense.
TO our regal nostrils, the court finds
him guilty on all counts and recon-
mehds that he be fined one bottle Of
grog, and for running bis ship so fast
| that the waters of our vlcinifu