The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1901-03-27

Inc matinee!
Club dismissed"
Rivals kissed.
Business done:
Simply none!
II. D. Beasley in Life.
Never cross-question an Irishman
from the old sod,' advises one of the
foremost railroad attorneys of the age.
Even if he does not think of an answer
he will stumble into some bull that will
demoralize the court and jury, and when
ever a witness tickles a jury his testi-
mony gains vastly in it's influence.
Yes, I'm speaking from experience.
The only witness who ever made me
throw up my hanas and leave the court
room was a green Irishman. A section
hand had been killed by an express train
and his widow was suing for damages.
l had a good case, but made the mistake
of trying to turn the main witness inside
out.
In his quaint way he had given a
graphic description Of the fatality, occa-
sionally shedding tears and calling on
the saints. Among other things he
swore positively that the locomotive
whistle was not sounded until after the
whole train had passed over his departed
friend Then [ thought I had him.
+" See here, McGinnis,' said l, you adj
''Yis, sor; it bleed, sor.'
Now, if that whistle sounded in time
to give Michael warning, the fact would
be in favor of the company, wouldn't it :"
"'Yis, sor, and Mike would be tistify-
in here this day The jury giggled.
Never mind that. You were Mikes
friend, and you would like to help his
earthly purpose there could be for the
engineer to blow that whistle after Mike
had been struck
81 presume thot the whistle wore for
the mkt man on the thrack, sor.'
Il left and the widow got all she
ed."-Detroit Free Press.
He'd Settle Old Scores. Tommy
ooh! Ouch. Stop thatr' Mamma
why, Tommy, aren't you ashamed
I wouldn't cry that way if it was my
hair that was being combed." Tommy
(tiercely)-"1ll bet you would if | was
dom the combing. Philadelphia Press.
with the idea of, naming my boys.'
said a white-haired man, so that there
could be no nicknames-which | have al
ways detested-in the family, we called
the first Edmund, the second Edward,
the third Edgar, the fourth Edwin, the
fifth Edison and the sixth Egbert.'
A1stt Su1CiS SSINGu yOuI PURPOSE
didn't it 2" asked one of the listeners.
Not at ALL reioined the patriarch
rather shamefacedly Beginning with
the eldest, they were known as Eddie
Chuck 'Bim,' Smokey 'Muggins' and
Pete, and every mothers son of them
answered proudly to his nickname.''-
Youths Companion.
Something New.-He-"I saw our old
neigh hnr Mr. SEinna, (NI
Did you? What is he doing now?'' He
He's interested in one of these Wild
cat mining companies She-''The
idea! [ never knew you had to mine for
wildcats. philadelphia Press.
Why is a woman like an umbrella q,
asked the exchange editor
Because she's made of ribs and at
tached to a stick" replied the informa-
Wrong. Guess again."
Because she always has to be shut I'M
when
Nav! You fatigue me-
because she stands in the hall and
"Naw!. It's nothing about standing in
the hail.
"A woman is like an umbrella because
nobody ever gets the right one. Why is
Ring off! That isn't the answer,
either.''
It's a better one than you've got"
Don't you reckon | know whether it
is or not? Whose conundrum is this.
yours or mine?"
We'll, she's like an umbrella because
1t isn't because she fades with age, is
it?''
You ought to be ashamed of your
SELF
Il am. Is it because you have to put
UP when it's cloudy and threatening-no
that can't be it. Because sne's a good
thing to have in the house Why is
You're not within four counties Of IT,
Because you can't find any pocket in
either. Why is
No choice. Vote again"
Il won't! A woman isn't like an UNI
brella. These is not the slightest resem-
blance. You 90 on with your work and let
me alone"
Il knew you couldn't guess it, It's be-
cause she's accustomed to reign"-Chi-
cago Tribune.
Mr.. Muggins-"Bee hunting, yet?''
Mr. Moover-"Yes''
Mr.. Muggins-"S Shoot any ducks?"
Mr.. MoOyer-Wasn't hunting ducks"
Mr.. Muggins-"No?'
Mr.. oover-"No-huntin' a house,
Columbus co. State Journal
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