Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1901-01-04
LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT.

OF the Nineteenth Century to Its
Heir and Successor, the Twentieth
Century
I, the Nineteenth Century, about to
die OF old age, and being sound of
memory, do make and ordain this to
be my last will and testament:
IL give and bequeath to my sue
cessor, the Twentieth Century, all the
steam engines and telegraphs and
telephones and electrical apparatus
and steam presses and reaping ma
chimes, and other useful inventions
that ! have made, and all my wonder
full scientific discoveries, for the use
and benefit of my son and heir, the
aforesaid century.
IL give and bequeath all the val
liable and instructive books that /
have written, to be widely scattered
and carefully read; but all the cor
rupting, mischievous. and obscene
publications and pictures inspired by
Satan, | order to be destroyed by the
Society for the Prevention of Vice.
I'LL give and bequeath a free and
honorable ballot box for the protec-
ton of liberty and popular rights, and
the security of public order: but all
those detestable contrivances known
as political machines" invented and
managed by bosses for the enrichment
of themselves and their "heelers,"
order to be burned, and the Civil Ser
vice Reform Bureau will execute this
mandate at the earliest possible date.
W. commit and intrust to the
United States of America all those
people known as negro freedmen g."
whom | have emancipated by the
hand of my favorite son, Abraham
Lincoln, and | direct that all their
rights be carefully guarded, and all
their children educated in good
schools and fitted for self-mainte-
nance. Likewise, | intrust to the said
United States of America all the sur
viving Indians and the inhabitants of
newly acquired possessions.
VI also bequeath to my heir, the
Twentieth Century, all the missionary
societies, and numerous benevolent
associations to whom | have given
birth, and all the asylums and
homes and hospitals and other
charitable institutions, that | have
built for the relief of honest suffer-
ers and the encouragement of oilers
and impostors
VII also bequeath to the new
century all the immense assortment
of Krupp guns and Mauser rifles and
machine guns that have been pro-
duced in my lifetime for the rapid
destruction of human lives, and all
other death-dealing contrivances, and
| direct that at the earliest possible
day they be either sold for old iron.
or turned into plowshares and other
useful instruments; this work | in
trust to the Arbitration League of
Civilized Nations, which | recently or
ganized at The Hague.
Will give and bequeath to the
American people glorious Federal
Union, consolidated and strengthened.
and enshrined in the hearts of the
nation; the sixteen States at the time
of my birth increased to forty-five;
the national area extended from the
Atlantic to the Pacific, and the United
States become the wealthiest nation
on the globe.
VIII.-Finally. | give and bequeath
to my son and heir that priceless
revelation form heaven known as the
Bible, with its exhibition of divine
l,
its wise precepts and it's adoption to
all peoples on the face of the whole
globe l eXhort that it be spread
and be read everywhere, so that the
Twentieth Century be wiser and purer
and stronger and grander than all its
nineteen ancestors.
As executors of this my last will and
testament | appoint all Christian
churches and ministers, all conduc-
tors of a fearless and truthful press.
all faithful parents. all righteous
rulers, all lovers of humanity, and all
who practice the Golden Rule. Done
under my hand and seal. on this
31st day of December, 1900.
XIX
Rev. Theodore l. Cuyler in Les
lies Weekly.