Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-08-11
Mr.. Do0LEY ON LIFE
AT NEWPORT.
ny l.. n. Duupe.


copyrighted 1901, by Robert Howard
Russell)
Great COINS on at Newport" said
Mr. Dooley.
whats Newport2' said Mr.. Hen
Messy.
Il r-read about IL ivry day in tn pa
aper," said MIR. Dooley; ian | know.
'Tis tn soeyal. capital Nv America
this here pa-aper says. IT'S
like Washn ton, on'y IL costs
more. IT'S where tn sooyal
ligislaehure meets wanst year an de-
eides how long well wear our coats
this season an how often, an how our
yachts1l be cut an our friends. Ills
there the millyionalre meets his wife
that was an inthrajooces her to his
wife that Is to be II she can break away
firm her husband that ought'nt to've
been.
yes, sir. II must be tn gran place.
But tbs no aisy thing livin' there. In
tn first place, We must have tn money
an ye must have tn look Nv havin' IL
an ye must look as though IL belonged
to ye. That lasts tn hardest thing Nv
all. No matther how much coin
man has II II hasn't been SEPARATED firm
tn man that earned II so long that tn
| man that has II can go ar-round with
| out tn fear Nv mechanics lien In his
eye, they tear up his ticket at tn box
office. Not FIR him tn patent midicine
dance where tn nobility goes as little
liver pills, not FIR him tn vigitable
party where tn signs Nv aristrocrasy
| appears radyantly clad as onions an
egg plants, not f'r him tn jolt firm
Mrs. Bilcoort or tn quick left FIRM
| Mrs. Rasther. He's set back to about
Cooney Island an there he stays till
his money stops baggin' Mt tn knees
/ an climbln' up over tn collar.
But It's tn millyionalres dhream to
land there. He starts in as foreman III
a can facthory. BY an by, he larns
that wan iv tn men wurrukir' fr MN
has invinted a top that 10 can opin
with a pair " sei.kors en- lie throws
him down an takes It away firm him.
He's a robber says ye? lie Is WINE
he's got tn other man down. But
whln he gets up, he's magnate' INN
he sells out his wurruks to thrust an
thin he sells out tn thrust to tn thrust
ful an thin he begins his weary march
10 Newport. First he has house on
michigan Avnoo with i'm dogs on Tn
lawn. Thin he builds palaehial man
sion at Oconomowoc. They're begin
min, to hear about him now. Thin he
moves down to tn sea shore an roushS
II with tn Purytans an finlly he lands.
iris a summers mornin' as his yacht
steams slowly up to Newport. Tn aged
mlllyionalre is propped up on tn deck
an as tn sunlight sthrikes tn homes
iv luxury an alimony, a smile crosses
his face. Is that tn house Nv Mrs.
Rasther?' he says. 1T Is says IN
weepin' family. An Is that where MT.
A Ell o. U. an sometimes w. an Y.
Pelcoort lives an has his bein Z
That's tn house Thin he says, put
me congress CATERS undher tn bed an
hide me fine cut where none can see
IT., SAWS he. 7 die contlnt,' he says.
what do they do there?" asked Mr.
Hennessy.
| "Iyell It's hard FIR me to make out,
| sad Mr. Dooley. They must have thelr.
own throubles. Ivry day r-read IN TN
pa-aper w horrible catastrophe at
Newport. Herd we ARE to-day. 'Misther
Willie Vanderbilt met with mos
dhreadful an provokin' accident to-day.
While dhrivn' his cillybrated gasoline,
Booney-iMooney five hundred power au-
tyrnobie, Purple Assassin, at a modh-
rate Nv wan hundherd miles an hour,
accompanied be tn beautiful Countess
rckstein (who was formerly Mrs. Ca
sey-Kelly. whose husbands marredge
with her aunt was eillybrated at Saint
! 's-on-th' hill las week. he was
| r-run into be wan Thomas Sullivan.
| panther empiOyeu ne his. is'6'h"'H
Steenevant, who is soon to occupy tn
handsome house, Dove Villa, which Is
| part iy tn settlement allowed her be tn
Dakota coorts. Mr.. Hankerbilt was
enable to turn aside to avoid tn col
Hsion, an it was only be tn supreme
effort that he KEEP firm bein' tipped
over. He showed rare prisince Nv mind
on which he was congratulated be tn
| whole colony. Sullivan showed no pris-
| ince iv mind at all, eyethur befure Or
afther death. Many Nv tn cottagers
ar-re talkin' Nv hayin' law passed COM
pellin' pedesthrens to ring a bell an
| blow 'hor-rn on their way to wurruk.
Otherwise they won't be whole tire
left in Newport
AN IL 1t isn't bein' bumped into be
pedesthreens, it's bein' almost upset
in a yacht of bein' almost drowned
swimmin' or almost suffycated at gar
den party. An thin there ARE burg
lars. There ar-re burglars that break
into ye'er house an there ar-re burg