The age-herald., 1901-05-12
The Vanity of MT. Ram.
BY R. F. AYERS.

they had talked ten minutes, and MT. Ram felt that at last he had met some one who could appreciate him. The young lady's name was Miss Wolf, and she f1attered MT. Ram and praised his long horns and white fleece until he thought her the most delight ful creature he had ever met. All the while she was thinking what fine dinner he would make, but he was entirely too big for her to manage, and she knew she must take him where her brother MT. Wolf, could get hold of him, if she wanted to dine at Mir. Rams expense.
 MT. Ram told Miss Wolf of the other peo pie he had met and of the rude things they had said to him. But she only laughed.
 "They were only common people," said she, ''and did not know any better. I know who they are, but I never associate with them; I move only in the best circles of so- ciety." Mr. Ram said that he had been sure of that from the first.
 ''You must come home with me and stay to dinner," continued Miss Wolf. q want you to meet my brother. He is considered to be the cleverest man in this part of the country, and is certainly one of the most polite. He will be delighted to see you" Which was very true. Mir. Ram was i'm mensely pleased and 1attered, so he said that he would consider it great privilege to meet Mr. Wolf
 They left the road and entered narrow path which wound about in the woods for long way. It began to get quite dark and MT. Ram was frightened, for he had never been in such deserted place before. They went down steep hill, and in the valley was little house. "That is where we live" said Miss Wolf. "It is a small place. but away from the vulgar crowd, you know" They entered the little house, and Miss Wolf told MT. Ram to sit down and make himself at home while she called her brother. Mr.Wof was delighted to see MT. Ram, just as his sis ter had said, but he was very much aston ished at the size of his horns. "He is the biggest sheep I ever saw,' he whispered, land will make fine meal, but don't like the looks of those great spikes on his fore head"
 ''Oh, I'll fix them" said Miss Wolf, and when MT. Ram was not looking she locked the outside door. We are going to have some company come in this evening"" she said to MT. Ram. Wouldn't you like to ar range your horns in the latest style?"
 "I can't fix them any differently" replied MT. Ram, flor have often tried.' But l can help you," said Miss Wolf. q can curl them beautifully for you, and you will look handsomer than ever" MT. Ram simpered and giggled and said that she was very kind. Miss Wolf took some slickum slickum grease which can curl almost anything, and rubbed 1t on MT. Rams horns. Sure enough, they began to curl, and the more she rubbed the more they curled, and finally they were so crooked that the ends pointed toward MT. Rams back, so that he could not hook any one with them. When they were all curled, she caught MT. Ram around the neck and called her brother, who at once came in and started to make an end of MT. Ram, but he kicked and struggled all over the place. He was so strong that Miss Wolf could not keep hold of his neck, and he kicked MT. Wolf in the stomach so hard that he howled terribly. Then MT. Ram butted Miss Wolf in the back of the neck so hard that she saw seven mill ion stars, and finally both of the Wolves had to open the door and run for their lives. MT. Ram shot out of the door like cannon ball and never stopped running till he reached home.
 horns never came straight again, but are twisted in all sorts of ways, and to this day all sheep that wear horns have them twisted like Mir. Rams. So, when you hear people say "As crooked as a rams horn" you will know what they mean. [.