St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1901-07-06
UNCLE JoE's EDUCATION.
e Had Made Him Familiar with
Caesar, Virgil and XenOphOn
to Some Purpose.

Directly after the war the south
was invaded by many kind-hearted
people from the north, who, with
lauuable zeal, but poor understand
ing of the negro, came to pour the
light of education upon the dark
places of his benighted mind. It was
something new, and our brother in
black has always harbored a weak
ness for the novel. Therefore,
schools fourished as the scriptural
with pupils ranging in age from five
to seventy-fve, says Landon Knight,
in Woman's Home Companion.
One of these schools was estab-
lished and presided over by charm
ing New England schoolmarm ON the
plantation of Col. Basil Gordon.
Uncle Joe had been coachman in
the Gordon family for just so years.
His life had been one of that happi-
ness, ease and dignity known only to
a coachman of an old southern fam
lily.
But the cloud Of unhappiness now
darkened Uncle Joe's horizon, and for
days he bore himself as one upon
whom the hand of affection rested
heavily. Perceiving this, Col. Gordon
one day asked the faithful old fellow
to tell him what was the matter.
"Yes, sah," said Uncle Joe, Il do feels
de hand oh de Lawd am agin me. Yo'
see, it's dis way, kunnel. I've ,druv
mistress an yo' an de young misses
all yo' lives, 'ceptin' when I was in de
wah wild yo', helpin' yo' lick de Yam
KEGS, an feel to desart now am jis'
like a soldier AKIN fur a furlong in
de face OBJ a battle. An yet, kunnel,
dat ar skule am shore an sartin a
thorn in de flesh, fur feels Is flynn
de degrees OBJ Providence not to try
fur edification."
Then the colonel kindly explained
that he would not take the desertion
amiss, and that his old place would
be ready for him any day that he
might tire of treading the howery
vale of knowledge.
The next morning bright and early
Uncle Joe was on the way to the
academy bending under load of
books comprising well worn copy of
''Dovie's algebra, three of Mrs. Lee
Hentz's novels, a ragged copy OF Jo-
sephus, and choice collection of Nc
Leans almanacs.
Arriving at the academy" Uncle
Joe was met by the young teacher
with the remark that it was indeed
gratifying to see that age had not
quenched his thirst for knowledge,
and she smilingly asked him if he had
drunk deeply of the Pierian spring.
"No'b'em, I hain't drunk nuthin' dis
mawnin' 'cept some corn Ticker de
kunnel guv me-"
Ignoring this piece of information
the teacher proceeded to business.
"What is your name, my good man?
sander Jacksun Thomas Jeffersun
Gordon, NUM-" @
"What are you prepared to study,
Mr.. Gordon?"
"Welrem, jis' don't zactly know,
but 1 s'poses Latting, Greek, higher
gymnastics and Shebrew."
"What can you tell me of Caesar,
Virgil and Xenophon, Mr.. Gordon ?"'
"Now, misses, I hain't de kind of
pusson what discusticates on folkses.
specially when dey is my cutler
no'b'em; but yo' looks like 'specta-
BILE kind OBJ 'oman, an I'll tell yo'
what I knows. Caesar Johnsing ODER
dar is no uthly good. He jis' won't
work at nmthin'. I dom know nuthin'
Numerically agin Vuggil White-dar
by de doah-but folkses duz say he's
mighty fond oh udder peoples hawgs;
but, misses, wants ter wan yo' agin
Zennerfun Thomas, dat ole bawl-
he'ded niger ODER dar by de stobe.
Chickens jis' don't get chance to
grow to no size in de nayberhood-
yessem; an yo' wouldn't bleebe it,
but he's pizen Baptist an a deakun
in de church, jis' de same as I is; an
at de las quarterly meetin' he passed
Ground de plate, extradited de corn
tense and got ez drunk as billed owl
on de perceeds."
Late that evening Col. Gordon heard
some one talking in the carriage
house. and he stopped and listened.
"W'hup me, indeed! Why, ole misses
nebber tried dat, let lone pore white
trash like her; an jis' cause I flung
my slate at dat triding, good-fur-nuth-
in ole niger Zennerfun, too. Well,
I got 'er de switch; hope she wars
all de hide off ole Zennerfun's back
wild it; but / absquatulated down de
road fore she could ketch me, an
now rs gwine ter grease dis horness
an finish my edification driving dis
here ole kerridge, an de fust time I
kotches Zennerfun out I'll break his
head jis' as shore as he's nigger!"
The Players Must Lose.
The most noted gambling resort in
the world, Monte Carlo, is owned by
stock company, and its annual re-
ports to it's shareholders are prepared
with fullness, precision and q
wealth of detail that some railroad
corporations might initiate with adj