The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-01-06
SMART SHORT STORIES.

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A London newsbay, who is accustomed
to shout Extras every evening, recent
ly had very bad cold and became
hoarse. Feeling himself at a disadYan-
tage, he carried large card in front
of him, on which he had roughly written:
''Hushl Noise is a nuisance! L can't
shout my extras, but I have them all
the samey' 1t did not take the boy long
to sell out his stock of papers to the
grateful passers-by.
The late Charles Keene. the artist of
Punch, used to describe, with a great
delight, the method Of a certain man
whom he called ga pot-house Rushin."
This person was sitting with a friend in
an inn parlor, and was haranguing the
other man on matters in general Final
~ the friend VentuFed mildly to inter-
pose an objection. The speaker drew
himself up with much dignity. 81 amt
a-arguing with you," he said, "Fm a.
telling your
In his volume ON Ellen Terry, Clement
Scott tells of a Somewhat seIf-sausfed,
vain-glorious, and grumpy actor who
complained kLtheSsnated English act
ress conktB6ally laughed@ In. one Of his
most important scenes. He had not the
courage to tell her of his objections. 80
ne wrote her a letter of heart-hroken
complaint in which he said: 81 am ex-
tremely sorry to tell You that It Is i'm
possible for me to make any effect in
such and such a scene IL you persist in
laughing at me on the stage, and 90
spelling the situation. May | AK You
TO change your attitude as the scene
IS most trying one?" Miss Terry's an.
SWer was very direct and to the point.
for size wrote: You are quite mistaken.
never laugh at you on the stage. 1
wait till 1 get home!'
The Westminster Gazette gives Some
interesting information concerning the
use OF tobacco by the clergy in different
religious bodies. John Wesley" it saws.
forbade his preachers to smoke or
cheW tobacco, or take snuff This rule
still obtains in the WESLEYAN ministry
Thacieray- hoped the day would come
when he would see a bishop lolling out
the Athenaeum with a cigar in his
mouth, or at least a pipe stuck in his
shovel-hat. He did not live to see this
but the bishop Of Manchester has pub
Hciy proclaimed the virtues of tobacco
as bond of sympathy between man
and man. AT your idol again, Mr. Hall?
exclaimed a lady once on discovering Mr..
Robert Hall, the celebrated divine, with
pipe in his mouth. Yes said the
preacher, burning it, ma'am.'
Now that Mark Twain has come back
to the United States to stay, his old
friends out West are telling some new
stories of his experience in that country
IN the Cos. One of the most amusing
is an account of Marks famous duel at
Virginia City, the details of which have
never before been printed says the Chi
cago Tribune. Mr.. Clemens was then
working as a reporter on the Territorial
Enterprise, the leading newspaper of 'Vir-
ginfa City. y -
One day there came to the town
Miss Wheeler, .aTbeautiful young woman,
with whom the entire male population
of Virginia City promptly proceeded l.
fall in love- One of the most prominent
men of the town was Judge Baldwin,
fire-eating Virginiap, who was nearly
so years. okif Mark TWafnt saw Miss
Wheeler, In bridal attire, walk into the
International hotel one afternoon with
Judge Baldwin, and Jumped to the cons
clusien that she was. going to marry the
old man. He said SO in his paper, and
comforted the other men of Virginia
City by saying that the bridegroom al
ready had one foot. in the grave, with
the other a-scfose second. Judge Bald
win challenSetf. him to a. duel. Pistols
were chosen as the weapons, though the
judge was a. good shot, and Mark Knew
nothing about firearms. = On the ap-
pointed n6rnfHg- Mark and his second
Steve" Gf1liS, q dead shot; were early
on the scene. ellis wasntfying the re-
volver, and finally fired at robin. fully
so feet Distant His bullet took THE
birds head off5sand he went forward to
pick up the body after handing the re-
volver to Mark Twain. Just as ellis
picked up the Sdecapitated bird. Judge
Baldwin and his party came over the top
of little hill and saw him. They. looked
first at ellis holding the headIess bird
and then at Twain holding the smoking
pistol
THAT was a good. shot" said one of
Baldwfn's seconds.
YES answered ellis, "I doubt if there
is as good a shot in the country as
Mark
Immediately Baldwin's seconds propos-
ed a compromise. An apology from
Judge Baldwin was promptly accepted
steve" said Mark Twain, as they
walked. home together. poor cock robin
was theseriy one that got hurt in that
duel.
The late Sir Arthur Sullivan had a
good story about Sir f. Gore-Ouse1ey,
Oxford professor, who could talk nothing
but music, relates the Newcastle CEng)
Chronicle. 'Sfm'' Egerten (Lord Wflton)
invited him to dine at the Life Guards
mess, and OuseleS sought to entertain
them with the humorous points in the
degree Exercise :. of an , unsuccessful
candidate. The officers, of course, did
not understand word. Ouseley con-
. tinued:
>>"And you'll scarcely believe me, colo
mel, when L tell you that the whole move
ment was in the hypomxolydian mode"
BLESS my SOUL replied the colonel,
you don't say SOL
ITS a fact gravely said Ouseley.
Representative Clayton, of Alabama,
recently told this story on himself, says
the Baltimore News r was govern
ment revenue official down in my state,
and when started in 1 wanted TO make
a record. I hauled an old fellow into
court. for selling rreonshine whisky.
When [ got him on the stand asked
him plump out -
Did you ever make any moonshines
Z whislxy?'
Z s9Fhes old man looked at me with. tears
in his eyes. Henry. he said, I knowed
yours father, and he never would have
asked me no such question as that.
ST let him go