The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1901-08-30

"Pa, what is lese majesty" 'Lese
majesty Jimmie. is telling the truth
about kings while they are alive
Chicago Record-Herald.
/ humbly asked her for her hand,
In accents bold yet calm,
And nearly died when she replied:
you carry off the palm"
Philadelphia Record.
"You look nice enough to eat" he
said admiringly. "Ah! now that you
mention it," she replied, II wouldn't
mind eating a little ice cream."-Phil-
adelphia Record.
Say snarled the conductor. "this
quarter has plug in It," Well"
snapped the fiery passenger, "did you
expect TO find an automobile in it?'-
Philadelphia Record.
II wonder how they ever became
engaged" Their accounts differ
She says he threw himself at her feet,
and he says she threw herself at his
cad brooklyn Life.
"You don't mean 10 say she has ac-
cepted him? He isn't at all her Ideal"
well, it didn't take her long to choose
between a fiance in the hand and an
ideal in the bush"-Puck.
Little Elmer-"Papa, what is the
hand Of Providence" Professor
Broadhead-"The hand of Providence,
my son, is what we usually see in the
misfortunes of thers."-Puck.
Ny happiness would be complete
With what | have If
Could know that no one else below
The sky had more than ], and no
One else stood quite as high.
Chicago Record Herald.
Mrs. Horse-"A lot of US girls have
started an Audubon club" Mr. Horse
What's that?" Mrs. Horse-"Why,
we are not going to wear birds or
wings on our hats" - Detroit Free
Press.
Summer Belle-"There go two of the
most disagreeable men I've met this
season." Friend-"Are they? Why"
Summer Belle-"One of them stares
me out Of countenance, and the other
won't look at me at all"-New York
Weekly.
Floorwalker-"Good morning. You
wish to do- some shopping, l pre-
sume? Bride with hubby)-"Ye-s."
Floorwalker-"Ste into the smoking
room and the boy there will give you
C check for your husband. New York
Weekly.
Boys will be boys" quoted the apol-
ogist for the youngsters. Boys will
be nuisances, you mean," retorted the
man whose garden had been wrecked.
Same thing" was the reply. Word
ing slightly changed, but the under
lying idea is the same. e."-Chicago Post.
Mr.. Bridal (at luncheon)-"Is this
the best salmon you could get" Mrs.
Bridal-"Yes, the grocer showed me
several kinds, but l took this can"
IT. Bridal-"Did he say this was the
best he had?' Mrs. Bridal-"No, but
it had the prettiest abel."-Philadel
phia Press.
Josh-"Abner's the greatest reader
here at the Corners. An that hain't
all; he acts on what he reads" Lige-
"Yew bet he does. Now. last week.
ter my certain knowledge, he an
swered two advertisements of matri
monial bureaus. sent for three pack
ages of love powder an n book on
hypnotism. an he also sent dollar
ter n feller in New York for seventeen
ways ter git rich in three months!'-
Puck.
Your services are no longer re.
quiredr' said the great metropolitan
editor to the reporter who had written
up a sensational elopement. "Why|
was the startled question. Because
you wrote up the elopement of the
waitress and the janitor without call
ing one a society favorite and the
other man OF leisure and a we'll
known club man. Such carelessness
for opportunities must be punished
Boston Transcript