Tazewell Republican. [volume] (Tazewell, Va.) 1892-1919, 1901-02-07
A CONFIRMED BACHELOR
How the scOffer was rrebIy Rewarded
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

l.
chibouk, and through the wreaths OF
smoke ascending from the fragrant
weed sat staring in establishment at
his friend, Louis Duvivier. Neither OF
the men had spoken for some mo-
ments: at last De Verneuil said, with
a whitening look of pity;
"And so you have really determined
to throw yourself into the mat
rimonial sea. Poor, unfortunate
man! 1 had hoped better things for
you"
Thanks" replied Devivier, sharp
", your compliment at least pos
sesses the merit of not being banal'
! announce to you my approaching
marriage with a charming girl, whom
I adore, and you have nothing to Of
fer but lamentations"
MY friend" said De Verneuil, plac
ing his pipe on the inlaid tabouret
beside him, 81 never play the hypo'
critic; it is q part 1 have always es'
chewed, and upon such sorrowful
announcement can only offer my
most sincere coincidence"
Duvivier looked somewhat annoyed
rs he listened, but the shadow of inn
patience soon passed away, and he
described in glowing terms the
beauty of his young fancee, Mile.
Helene Deschamps.
80 much the worse" said the
crusty bachelor. Your case, which at
first seemed only dangerous, is now
iucurable, and your happiness, which
appeared probable, is now no longer
possible. To have pretty wife, sir,
is to be devoured by jealousy"
"Nllle. Deschamps is wealthy and
possesses a fortune in her own right,
calmly observed Duvivier, without
commenting on his friends remarks
Then with her luxurious and eX-
pensive tastes she will simply ruin
you. my dear fellow" retorted De
Nerneuil.
But Louis Duvivier did not intend
TO be disturbed by Edmond de Yer
neuils bitter comments, and follow
ed the announcement of his fiancee's
wealth by declaring that her mamma
was charming.
"Then you will have that bette noire,
n mother-in-law," growled De Yer
neuil. "Your ruin is complete, old
fellow, and I haven't the slightest
hope for you"
Duvivier laughed goodnaturedly,
and assured De Verneuil that, not
outstanding his paradoxes, he eX-
pected him to be present at the wed
ding and to act as groomsman. "You
ore my oldest and best friend, Ed
mond," said he, coaxingly, "and for
these reasons you ought not to re
fuse my request"
"And precisely for these reasons l
must Decline" tartly responded De
VcrDeuil, "for 1 should feel as though
] were assisting at your electrocu-
ton"
"Then if you will not consent to
act as best man." said Duvivier, with
genuine disappointment. promise at
least to be present at the wedding.
"Well, perhaps-but do not count
on my coming"
Decidedly" exchanged Duvivier, a
little vexed, "you are still an antago-
mist to matrimony."
"Irrevocably," was the laconic an
swer of De Verneuil.
"Then you never intend to marry?'
asked Duvivier.
81 should prefer to send bullet
through my BRAIN" promptly an
swered De Verneuil. Expeditions
means are preferable to slow ones, "
he added emphatically.
"Then you propose to remain al
ways in solitary bliss?" said Duvivier,
laughingly.
Pardon me-" said De Verneuil,
stopping to fill his pipe, "you should
say in independent bliss. From a
wife, children and family may heaven
preserve, me! For wife," he con-
tinued, waxing eloquent, "means loss
of liberty and the obligation of fol
lowing her caprices instead of your
own-you must go out when you de-
sire to remain in, and remain in wher
you wish to go out; at table you must
eat madame's dishes instead of thoso
you prefer yourself; listen with an
interested air to lot of insipid Cos
sip, plentifully sprinkled with the
latest hints in the fashions of bon
nets and hats, and meekly receive re-
proaches, recriminations, and jealous
suspicions. And children! Why my
dear Louis, the very sight of an infant
brings on an attack of Indigestion
And when they grow up, if they are
boys, they devour your money by
getting into all kinds of scrapes-anC
If they are girls, they must be dow
cred before they can be gotten rid
Of. So, with Cyrano, 1 say, No
thank you'll And then that other de
Ightful appendage of matrimony-s
mother-in-law Why the very though
OF her makes me shudder! Now yor
have in a nutshell, my dear boy, th'
wise reasons which prevent me from
committing the folly of matrimony,
aid with a deliciously self-satisfeC
air The sage, crusty bachelor sank in
to the hollow of his easy-chair, an(
putting away at his pipe waited II
hear what his friend had to say.
But Duvivier remained silent, ant
the cheerful expression OH his fac
clearly indicated that the sorrowfu
picture of matrimony painted by d.
Vcrneuil had failed to impress him
The latter noted the failure of hi
words, and determined to make ont
more effort. Rising from his chat
he stationed himself before the man
tle-piece, and half confdentially, hal
al7ectionately, begged Duvivier t.
save himself while there was yet time
"Brother," said he, "the other day
while crossing the Pont-Royal, 1 say
a man on the point of throwing him
SELF into the Seine, when police
man seized him by the lapel OF HI
ao4 oo1 ,,u1lad him hack WOul