The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-03-22
GOOD
Short Stories


ncerS Hospital at Pretoria, relates this
characteristic anecdote of Lord Kltch-
ener: "The other day he stopped an
officer In the streets Of Pretoria who was
wearing single eye-glass. He said:
Excuse me, but do you think 1t absO-
lutely necessary for your sight to wear
that glassF The officer replied. Yes,
sir; certainly Lord Kitchner said, 4
am particular to have officers with good
sight only In Pretoria. You Will report
yourself for duty on lines of communl-
cation at the Office of the X. S. O., at
five o'clock. Collapse Of officer"
one night, when the attendance in a
small town In the French provinces
was especially bad, Sarah Bernhardt,
bored by the small size Of the audience
and its stupidity, resolved to make the
most Of 1t. The play was Camille"
but, instead Of speaking the lines as
Dumas wrote them, Sarah made up the
play as she went along, interpolatng
such opinions as, from minute to min
ute she had of the audience. She called
them unuttefable things, and in high
ly dramatic way. The lnnocents ap.
plauded these sentiments vigorously,
upon which she called them something
worse.
The late John j. Bagley, during his
second successful campaign on the Re
publican ticket for Governor OF Michi-
gan, spoke one evening at Kalamazoo,
and at the beginning Of his remarks he
alluded frankly to his lack OF oratorical
gifts. After he had finished, a man
pushed forward, grasped his hand
warmly, and said; Governor, | have
been lifelong Democrat, but at the
coming election shall vote for you"
THANK you" replied the Governor,
much gratded; may ask the partlcu-
lar reason for your changer Because
you are the first speaker on either side
in this campaign that have heard tell
the truth. You said when you began
that you couldn't make much of a
speech, and. by jinks, you can't"
Talleyrand's wife was the reverse of
brilliant, and he used to excuse his mar
riage on the ground that clever women
may compromise their husbands, stupid
women only compromise themselves"
One day the famous traveller, NJ.
Demon, was expected to dinner, and
Talleyrand conjured madame to pre-
pare herself for sensible conversation
by looking over Deyon's works. I'm
fortunately, on her way to the library,
madame forgot the name. She could
only remember it ended in "On." The
librarian smilingly handed her a copy of
Robinson CrusOe." Madame easily
mastered its contents and at table
astonished her guest by exclaiming:
Mon Dieu, monsieur, what Joy you
must have felt in your island when you
found Friday"
John Knapp, of the st. Louis Repub-
lican, had little use for press agents,
and 1t took mighty shrewd man to get
free puff from him. He never would
publish lawyers or DOCTORS name
If he could avoid it, for they might de-
rive some benefit from the free adver-
tisement 1t is said that one morning
mention was made in the Republican
they call it the Republic nowr-of man
having died of Brights disease. Old
man Knapp hunted up the proof-reader,
and called him into the private office.
"Why did yeu let that get into the pa
perY asked the old man, indicating
with his forefinger the Objectionable
paragraph. Il don't see but that's all
right" said the reader You don't,
eh?" snapped old man Knapp-"you
don't, Ell? Do you think we want to ad-
vertise tha. man Bright for nothingl
He never had an 'ad in this paper In
his lifeY