The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-10-04

->--~o-~-~~~~~-e
She Threatening breach Of promise
suit)-Do you intend to deny, sir, that
you proposed to me? He-No; intend
to plead insanity.-Fun.
"Aren't you the beggar that gave |
pie to last weekT' 81 guess am, mum,
but Pm willin' to let bygones be by
cones. 1t amt in my heart to bear no
malice"
Borem-Scribbler, they tell me, is
now quite literary light. must call
on him. Wigwag- Even literary light
may be out when you call,-Phlladel-
phia Record.
The Don-And what part did you
take In this dlsgraceful proceeding of
holding Mr.. Waters under the pump!
Undergrad (modestly)-H left leg,
sir.-Tit-Blts.
John, how dare you come home at
one o'clock in the morning?" "W-w-w-
h-y, Mary, you can't ''spect me to stay
out all night on dollar'n forty cents
Denver Times.
Twas Ever Thus: "0h, yes, he adores
me. I've known 1t for fortnight"
Then what's bothering your whats
bothering me? Why, I've got to wait
for him to find 1t Brooklyn
Life.
Billtop-You must be doing mighty
well, old man, to be able to charter a
yacht Capton-Not at all; I'm doing It
to save money. "How's that?" I'm
going to keep my wife at sea for a
whole month"
Daisy-What do you think? Clarice
went out and saHg at an entertainment
In private insane asylum. Edle-Did
she say whether they showed their In
sanity much? Daisy-oh, yes; they en-
cored her three times.
Snobbins-I should think you'd be
afraid of having that big dog around
you all the time. If had him, should
be afraid all the time he would go mad.
Snubbins-But he doesn't have to live
with you, you know Boston Tran
script
PatIence-Isn't basketball very
rough game? Patrice-very "Well,
why do girls learn to play it, thenp
"Why, 1t fits a girl for society func-
tlons, when she has to fight her way
! to the refreshment table" e."-Yonkers
Statesman.
Mistress-Nurse, you really ought to
use thermometer In baby's bath to get
the right warmth Nurse (airily)-O,
that's all right. II the waters too 'ot
he turns red; If It's too cold he turns
blue. That's all you want to know,
mum! English Humor
at is sad to see this mercenary spirit
so flagrantly manifested in politics"
said the earnest citizen. YES" an
swered Senator Sorghum. II have
fought against It all could, but It's
no use. can't get people to vote my
way without payin' EN-" Washington
Star.
Mistress Ito cook)-But why do you
want to leave, Mary? Cook-I don't like
the cookery, mum. Mistress-Why, you
cook the things yourself! Cook-Yes,
know, mum, but I'm only plain cook;
and thought when | came here that
you would make some tasty dishes now
and again, mum.
Magistrate-I am told that you have
already been convicted fourteen times
on this same charge. Aren't you asham.
ed to have to acknowledge to thati
Prlsoner-No, your worship, | don't
think no man oughter be ashamed OF
is convictions. Magistrate-Two
months, without the option Of a tine-
Pick-Me-Up.
Its little annoying to have to get
M in the middle of the night and look
for burglars" said Mr.. Meekton, but
Henrietta seems to enjoy having me
do So" what would you do If you
really found a burglarT "Well, I'm so
kind-hearted that I'm afraid that |
would be too lenlent. ! think I'd open
the door and tell him that If he didn't
get out quietly Henrietta would come
down and attend to his case"
He was thoroughly happy when he
entered the front door with a package
In his hand and exclaimed: I've got
something here for the woman | love
better than all the world" "John," she
said sadly, 81 don't object to extrava
ganee ordinarily, but do object to you
buying expensive presents for the
cook" But then, you see. she judged
him by his appetite, not his heart
Denver Times.
Georgia singer complains that the
printer murdered his verses In cur
rent publication, He says that he
wrote:
A little wife to wait,
In the rosy twilight late,
With the blooms-thick at the gate.
But the stanza appeared in print as
follows:
A little wife to wait,
In the rosy twilight late,
With the broomstick at the gate.
Atlanta Constitution.
Pat had secured lodgings iE the town
and gone to bed early. The wind was
blowing terrific gale, and, as the
house did not stand very securely, the
landlord was rather anxious about its
safety. He sent servant to arouse
Pat. who was sleeping soundly. When
at last the sleeper awakened he sat up
in bed and rubbed his eyes. What's
the matterg be asked. Don't you