davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23


best
Whichever. there's more fun in a
banana. You can throw the skin on the
sidewalk when you're through eatin'. -
Philadelphia Press.
This is the story of William the weary
pilgrim and Jereboam the Puritan.
Prithee," quoth William, the guer-
don of a hand-Out or q cold hitei"
Nay, nay, my friend" QuOth Jere-
beam. For this is the Sabbath day"
DO unto others as We would they do
unto you quoth William. Verify, a
good rule. friend"
Verify. friend" quoth Jereboam.
And being good it works not upon the
Now. this could William not gainsay.
for IL CHANGED that he. too, was brought
up in the strictest sect of the Pharisees.
Detroit Free Press
Perkins said Col Hankthunder.
you have named a new brand of
whisky after me, have you not, sun 2''
~ have taken that liberty, colonel,
answered the distiller.
Wen, sun" reJoined the colonel. Il
shall have to ask you to call it some
thing else 1 have tried it. sub Chi
cago Tribune.
Tess-o. yes. I'm positive she's TWEEN
Jess-I suppose you saw the record in
their family Bible, Ell?
Tess-Better than that. asked her at
what age she thought girl should
marry, and she promptly said twenty
eight.-Philadelphi Press.
Mr. Dumley was making an evening
call and RObby, who was allowed to sit
UP a little later than usual put to him
the following question: Mr.. Dumley,
do you want to make i've pounds in ten
minutes ,"
DO I want to make five pounds in
ten minutes?'' laughed the young man
Certainly L do But how can I make
49,
Mamma will give it you She told
pa that she would give five pounds to
see you hold your tongue for ten min
utes. Tit Bits.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23
FILLED WIN REMORsE.
Woman Kills Herself Because She
Shot Her Dog.

Cincinnati, Aug. 23-Remorse for hav-
ing shot a pet dog to which she was
much attached was the motive that led
DR. Sarah ". Croft of Cumminsville, to
commit suicide last midnight. An in
she turned the pistol on herself and
fired three shots, the last one proving
fatal.
DR.. Croft had an extensive practice
and was considered wealthy. She lived
at No. 4166 Hamilton avenue. She was
devoted 10 Dodo, an Italian greyhound.
for which she purchased steaks at 80
cents and cream for her pct to drink.
The dog is supposed to have angered
her as she entered her apartments and.
seizing a pistol she shot her pet Then
she shot herself twice in the breast and
a third time in the mouth. DR.. Croft
was about 80 years old
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

to cross Lamberson's property and that
the property owners have nothing to do
with the river and therefore they should
not have to pay five cents a load.
Henderson threatens to bring action
in court if his fee is not paid.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23
8 World wide Reputation-

Chamberlain's Collie, Cholera and Disr-
rhoea Remedy has a. world-uide rent
ton for its cures It never fails ana a
pleasant and safe to take. For sale ~
all druggists ~
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

light from it was easily noticeable. al
though the moon shone bright and at
the time of the explosion the color at
tanned was q brilliant blue
At Lawrence the phenomenon was
observed. and at its explosion a loud
report was heard, which caused some
fright among the residents of that city.
Later in the evening there We're a num-
Der of other shooting stars. The first
period of meteorie showers each year
usually occurs a little earlier than this
time or about AUGUST or 10.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23
GAS AT CHANUTE.
Tt Is Reported to Be Found on the
Santa Fe Land.

Word reached Topeka today that gas
had been struck in well being sunk
on Santa Fe land at Chanute 1t is
reported the we'll has a capacity of two
million feet per day.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Mamma-No, you may have either a
banana or an apple, but not both.
Willie-I'u take the banana. then
Mamma thought you liked apples
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

Fuel Co is now
shaft coal at $275
IS4 Kansas avenue.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23
MATCHMAKER

WATCHES cleaned. TIC: clocks. SOC: main
springs. nc: crystals, 10c- Cash paid for
old gold or silver AL work Euargl teed-
Old Jewelry exchanged for new. n haro
uD, see Uncle Sam. 512 Kansas aVa-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23
FREE MESSENGER FOR WANTS

1c~--7-~~~-c-~~~---~-~- --~-~~~~~--~----~-- ~
PULL a Postal Telegraph-Ca box or
caH by telephone No. AZ and have your
Want Ads brought to the State Journal
oInce by free messenger. No charge 70
you for messenger service. Cost of CLASH
ned ads 5 cents per line of six words to
the line and every fraction thereof
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

whichever, there's more fun in
banana. You can throw the skin on the
sidewalk when you're through eatin'.-
4 Philadelphia Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23
FLORISTS

MRS. J. r. HAGUE. florist. ST Kansas
ave. Phone COZ
CUT FLOWERS and floral designs a.
Hayes. 107 West Eighth st. Phone bss-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

Free vaudeville at Vinewood Sunday.
See programme in todaS-s paper.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

Free vaudeville at Vinewood Sunday
See programme in tOday's paper.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23
wANrED-FEMALE HELP.


WANTED-A white girl for general house
work, small family, no washing. Apply
12l1 Quincy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

The Southwestern
selling Usage City
per ton, delivered
Rhoneg "a. 192. IA
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23
sAr1N-sK1N sPECIALrIEs

~-0-~-~---[-T-~-0---7-7-77-
WHY is your skin tender Probably you're
using poor soaps Try Satin-Skln soap
it's refined, fragrant beautifying. New
Model.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

FOR SALE-Grocery and meat fixtures.
Have bought fixtures for our new loca-
ton, 500 Kansas ave. and now have more
fixtures than can use. Davis Mercantile
Co, 601 topeka ave.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23
EoR sALE-MIsoELLANEoUs.

FOR SALE-A good Stearns bicycle. SIS.
A s. Fuller, room n, Crawford bldg.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

WANTEDLYoung girl to assist with
house work Cali 1868 Tyler
WANTED-Young lady for office, light
work. small salary Answer IN own hand
writing, c. A., care Journal.
WANTED-Two experienced dining room
girls, one as head girl. H. c. Whitley,
Emporia. Kan.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

FOR SALE-Cheap Domestic sewing ma
chimes Come in and see them. Bab-
cock & Frost. rs Kansas ave.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23
WANrED-MALE HELP.

experienced lumberman,
the right kind of material to make
one. Must be a hustler good penman and
accurate in figures. Give age, experience
and salary wanted Address Lumberman,
care Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23


PATENTSt PATENT5i PATENTS,
TATENTSt PATENTSt PAIENlSi
FISCHER & THORPE. Patent Lawyers.
sIs-Sl7 junction Bldg. 9th and Main sto.,
Kansas City, Mo. have new book on pat
ents for free distribution.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

WANTED-Man to work on farm. River
Topeka
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

FOR RENT-Cottage rooms 81 W. 18th
st, small grown family. no barn.
FOR Rents room house 1906 Clay st.
See Elder, 81 Kansas ave
FOR RENT-House No $50 Winfield ave.
rooms, stable, we'll 2 lots. II. C. Moore,
40 Kansas ave
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

FOR SALE-Railroad lands in western
Kansas, any quantity 10 years time
u. i. Land Co., SO Kansas ave.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23

lots west of city, S. a month. Tho
Strauss Agency, Central National Bank
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23


FOR SALE-Cottage home No. 213 Forest
ave, 4 rooms, well, lots, only $50 p.
c. Moore APO Kansas ave.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-08-23
For RENr-HousEs.

FOR RENT-NIodern 8 room house q
blocks from p. o., first class repair Adj
dress r. T. Whitaker, station B, Topeka
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27
The Dear old Frauds.

Those old pleasant, Innocent frauds
of the circus are not practiced now
the imposing, five barred gates that.
as the horse approached them. were
sloped into Insignificant wattIes and the
rings through which the signorina pur-
ported to leap. but which In reality
were insinuated over her by compliant
attendants. And then there was that
venerable jockey performance. the cul-
mination of which was leap from the
ring to standing position, albeit at
an angle of 80 degrees. on the horses
back In the old circuses it was the
custom of the horseman to miss the
crowning jump two or three times In
order that fiercer fame OF interest
might be kindled In the audience. Aft
er two failures the band would stop
always the presage of moment Of
strain supreme), the horses head
would be loosed, he would be urged to
a greater pace. and the feat would
gloriously succeed. Then what crash
of brass and outburst of delight in the
building, Involving even the star and
ringmaster in the expression Of ec-
stasy, Those old, simple daysl- Corn
hiH
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27

A well known Edinburgh professor
often became so interested IN his sub
ject that when the noon bell rang ne
seemed quite oblivious Of the fact and
kept the class for several minutes. Ger
tain restless spirits among the stu
dents decided to give him gentle
hint, SO they bought an alarm clock.
London Tit-Bits tells the result.
The clock. set to alarm at precisely
12 o'clock, was placed on the profess
or,s desk. AS was anticipated, he be-
gan his lecture without observing the
clock. But when the noon hour struck
the alarm went off with a startling
crash.
Even those not in the secret appreci-
ated the joke. There was a round of
applause. The professor smilingly
waited until the alarm and the ap-
plause ceased and then said:
Young gentlemen. ! thank you for
this gift had forgotten it was my
birthday An alarm clock is something
my VI 'ee has needed for our servant for
long time. 1t is a very kind remem-
brance on your part" Then he went
on with the demonstration which had
been interrupted by the alarm, and the
students were never quite able to sat
iSfy themselves whether the professor
understood the joke or not.
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27

A New York boy was at school In
Canada, and it was his first day in
class. The geography lesson was call
ed, and it was his turn to answer.
(which is the largest city In the
world?" asked the teacher.
New York." unhesitatingly came
the answer.
Il mean the largest city in the
world" said the teacher.
AS promptly came the reply, New
York"
But" expostulated the teacher, Il
~ a not say the largest city in the Unit
4 States, but the largest city in the
Eorld. You surely know which is the
rgest city in the world"
4 New York." persisted the boy.
+ London has larger population than
New York." said the teacher. ''If dc
not have the correct answer this time,
l shall have to punish you. Come
now" coexingly, tell me the name OF
the largest city ii the world"
fNew York"
Stay in during recess and write me
fifty Ines"
He wrote the fifty lines. and every
line read: 'The biggest city in the
world is New York. New York Trib-
une
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27
caIIfnE the Hours.

There is one place In London, and
only one. where the ancient custom Of
Keeping watchman to call out the
hours is still maintained This is at
New inn. which In spite Of its name is
one al the oldest inns Of court. The
servants there are quite proud OF the
age Of the place and X was one Of
them who said one day:
''Why, sir, this inn was here In the
time of Charles L =
After a long pause, to allow this stun
ming fact to percolate through the brain
Of the hearer, he extended his arm and
added with emphasis
"And it was here in the time Of
Charles II
Some vague notion Of the disturb
ances which intervened between the
two reigns had probably been floating
through the mans mind, but how an
existing institution could possibly Have
dated from the reign of Charles /. with
out coming down through the reign of
Charles II. he failed to explain.
Beginning at the stroke of 10 o'clock
every night, the watchman In the yard
of New inn "calls the hour in stem
torian but musical voice.
'Ten o'clock, and a1l's .welli''
The words are heard In the adioin-
ing chambers and offices. Tenants in
Clements inn, whose rooms look into
the pretty yard and garden Of New inn,
may hear these words every hour
through the night If awake. New
York Times.
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27

\ A little tin or earthen pan or some
times half a cocoanut shell supported
on three stones is filed with water on
which is sprinkled red powder, rem
dering it practically Opaque little
duck of wood or porcelain is placed
upon the surface, where it at first
floats, but at the command of the per-
former suddenly dives, remaining sub
merged until again ordered to rise
This very ingenious trick depends
upon the fact that in the bottom of the
vessel there is a minute hole through
which passes a hair One end of this
is attached to the duck; the other re-
mains at the disposal of the performer
and is attached, by means of a pellet
Of wax. to his tomtom or to one of the
hands with which he beats it. When
he wishes the duck to dive, he pulls
the hair. When he desires it to rise,
be relaxes the pull.
There is naturally some amount of
leakage through the pinhole, and to
cover this the performer takes care,
when filing the pan. to accidentally (O
spill little water. The ground being
thus already wetted, the fact that it
gets little. more is not noticed
Chambers Journal
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27

asleep The eye Of the owl Is also very
peculiar, seeing that it is immovably
fixed In its socket and cannot stir in
any direction. To compensate for this
seeming disadvantage 1t can turn its
head almost completely round without
moving its body. II you were to keep
a frogs mouth open many minutes. it
would soon die, as owing to its peculiar
construction it can only breathe with
the mouth closed.
+ On the other hand, fishes are COM
PEELED to keep opening and closing their
mouths in order to give their respira-
tory organs full play. 1t is also a
strange fact that the deer has addl-
tional breathing places besides the nos
trils, as il nature had foreseen his
great need of free respiration when
forced to fee before the hounds. Snakes
usually have their teeth in the head,
but one variety in Africa, whose prin-
cipal food is eggs, is provided with a
substitute for them in its stomach.
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27
THREE PLUMP BABIES.
An Exhibition which the Crusty old
Bachelors Thought DisgustIDg.

An Exhibition which the Crusty Old
Bachelors Thought Disgustfng.
"Disgusting,' said one old bachelor
to the other
sTsn't it?7 said the other old bachelor
to the one.
Three women had come into the
street car at different intervals with
babies Of different intervals The first
baby was Iusty child with nerve test.
ing lungs. The second was about a
year old, and the mother, just a little
bit embarrassed at the bachelors
glares, finally gained courage to take a
bottle from a grip and plug up baby's
mouth with a rubber neck. The third
baby was the newest of them all and
entered the car mere white bundle in
the arms of a dignifed matron hardly
out of short skirts.
Beginning to unwrap the bundle,
which had been somewhat disarranged
in the haste to embark, the proud
mother first unfolded a cunning pair of
blue worsted booties that might fit a
grumpy old bachelors thumb. Then,
feeling the eyes Of the world upon her,
she showed baby's two fat legs, which
were as pink as her own ears. Then
the cunning sight was solemnly shut
from all eyes by procession of gowns
all Of white, laced, tucked, embroidered
and plain. the fat legs kicking vigor-
ously, and baby's laces hid them from
sight.
MI. ~. - ~. - -r1
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27
How the section. say II.

The woman from New England buys
a table spread" while her sister from
the south buys 'tablecloth." The wo-
man from Nova Scotia orders the serv-
ant to 'lay the table, " while with most
OF us natives OF the United States the
command is to ''set the table" In the
country the hostess says to her guests,
"Sit by when it is time to eat; in
town 1t is please sit down" In the
city among swells there is no further
Invitation than the announcement OF
the servant that dinner is served
Mobile (Ala.) Register.
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27

A certain business man noted for his
grasping methods came into his office
one day and told his partner that he
was very happy because he had done
three good deeds that morning. 'In
the first place." he said. II met poor
woman who was weeping bitterly be-
cause she had lost the 81 with which
she had intended to pay for the bap-
tism Of her baby. gave her ten
dollar bill, telling her to have the child
baptized and give me the change as l
came from my club. Charity was one
good deed. Saving the child's soul was
the second"
"And what was the third? ?" asked
the partner.
"Oh, the third was that got six good
dollars for my green goods ten"
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27
Praying ma Prinkinr.

Sam Jones. the revivalist, was once
taking women to task for spending
more time in prinking than in praying.
IF there's woman here" he scream
ed finally. .who prays more than she
prinks. let her stand up"
One poor old faded specimen of fem
ininity in the sorriest, shabbiest of
clothes arose.
"You spend more time praying than
prinking?" asked the preacher. taking
her all in.
The poor old creature said she did
prayed all the time, prinked none at
ALL
"You go straight home," admonished
Jones. ''and put a little time on your
prinking."
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27
The mining to Rin Ava, we slnar.

The Thing to Rim AVA VIZ SfIlar.
Wealth is relative term. One man
may be passing rich on E40 year, and
another may be miserably poor on
f400. This was beautifully illustrated
to me the other day. when, driving past
a popular Ayrshire place of drinks
was hailed from the roadside by man
who claimed friendship on the strength
Of living next door when we were
boys" He was getting married, he
said, and on that, / suppose. was feel
ing unusually happy.
MAN, come on In and let me staun
you something" he said. Don't think
I've nae money. There's pound note.
Would you believe 1t, mo- a week sim
had hale f3; but, what WI buying
furniture and things, I've spent the
ither twa. Aye, and afore the wad-
den's over l believe that pound'H be
melted tae. BY gore, gettin' marrieds
the thing to rim ava wiz sillar. But
come on in and hae drink."-G Glasgow
Times.
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27
Turner,s Toaat.

Turner, the painter. was ready wit.
Once at a dinner of artists and literary
men minor poet. by way of being fa-
cetious, proposed as toast 1.-The health
Of the painters and glaciers of Great
Britain"
The toast was drunk. and Turner,
after returning thanks for it, proposed
"the health Of the British paper stain
ers."
The laugh was turned against the
poet
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27
Georre was slow.

Shelf you could have one wish,
George. what would it be?
\ He-It would be that-that that oh,
af only dared tell you what it would
be!
She Oh. please go on! Do tell me!
He--I dare not But. oh, if only
could.
She Well, why don't you? What do
you suppose brought the wishing sub
Ject up for London Tit Bits.
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27

Trkutsk, Siberia. is city of padlocks.
There are more padlocks on the shut
ters and doors Of an Irkutsk shop than
can be found in an English city of
100000. There are as many as three
padlocks on some shop doors, and ev-
cry lower story shutter bears from one
to five. The padlocks weigh from one
to fifteen pounds. The popular size is
five pounds and two and one-half inch
eS thick.
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27

Have you ever noticed that all. AMI
mails which chew the cud are cloven
footed1 Also thar most or those which
Grink water by suction are herbivorous,
the carnivorous variety tapping 1t with
the tongue, like the cat, dog. tiger. etc.
Sheep have no teeth in the upper jaw.
and tortoises and turtles are without
altogether.
Unlike most animals. horses have no
eyebrows, and hares are minus eye
lids. Consequently the eyes OF the lat.
ker cannot be shut, and thin mem
Famous substance covers them when
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27
Terrible Efrect Of Eloouence.

An unfortunate man has obtained ac-
cess to rich Baron Rapineau. He de-
picts his misfortunes, his misery, in so
moving a manner that the baron, with
tears In his eyes and his voice choked
with sobs, calls to his servant:
Jean, put this poor fellow out in the
street! He is breaking my hearth
Exchange.
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27
Ungallant.

A Marysville schoolma'am was teach,
ing her class the mysteries of gram
mar.
"Now. Johnny" said she. "in what
tense do speak when ! say. 4 am
beautifulY"
The little fellow answered quick as
a wink, 'The past. ~ Kansas City Jour
nal
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27

Depend on yourself. A knowledge OF
how 70 swim is better than to expect
somebody will be at hand to throw you
life preserver in case Of accident
National Magazine.
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27
Impressive Condemnation.

Speaking with farmer about one of
his neighbors, | said, "So-and-so is a
good man." He looked at me steadily
without making any reply.
@So-and-so is good man. repeated
in louder tone, fancying he must be
deaf.
Then the farmer answered, 81 heard
what you said. New York Herald.
The Morris County chronicle., 1901-12-27
The Other way.

Teacher would like some one In
the class to define the meaning of vice
versa.
Bright Boy It's sleeping with your
feet toward the head Of the bed.
Marietta daily leader. (Marietta, Ohio) 1895-1906, 1901-07-13
BRADsTREETs REPORT

New York, July 12.-Bradstreet's
says: Varying commercial and indus
trial conditions make it difficult to
strike in sentence the keynote of the
general trade for the week. In the
east business appears to be of mid
summer character while in the south
west conditions have been adversely
affected by drought and hot wather re-
ports, which superinduced a tendency
on the part of many to cancel orders
previously given. In the northwest
business seems to be quite active as she
result of excellent crop conditions, but
in the middle west the tenor of trade
is apparently steady while in the
south ordinary conditions are noted.
But for the week the important devel-
opments seem to have been the rampant
speculation in corn and oats, due to ex-
ceedingly heavy damage in the Miss
ouri valley belt. The nervousness of
the stock market has meanwhile trou-
bled the railway rate situation, togeth-
er with more favorable feeling in la.
Dor circles.