St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1901-03-23
A FEW WARN LINES.
Makes His Wife De All the
Lying.

"Ishall now," said the Coarse, Brutal
Man. in the Washington Post, get the
grapevine clutch on the cotton hook
for the purpose Of making q few in
cisions in the frame of that wart on
the chart of civilization, namely, the
man who makes his wife do all the
lying. This fungus biped is SO much
meaner than . three-card flush that
there's nothing whatever to it. He
is mean enough to sandbag himself,
pinch his own roll and then yell for
the cop. He is mean enough to saw
on one of his own digits and then
swear against his aged aunt. He
is
"Howeer, the man who makes his
wife do all the lying is in such class
all by himself that even the echo Of
any little knock like this can't reach
him. His soul is of about the heft.
troy weight. of smoke-wreath curl
ing from a bum corncob pipe stuffed
with hay at five cents the bag, as
smoked by q resident Of the soldiers
home three days after the pension
checks. have been dished out.
"The man who makes his wife do all
the lying, when the installment col
lector comes around for that S.
monthly payment on the household
furniture, always passes the matter
up to her. 1t doesn't make any diff
ference whether she's got headache
or neuralgia 50 bad that she can hear
the morning stars singing together,
she's got to go-to the door and re-
ceive the installment collector and
tell him that. owing to the fact that
her husband has been at the point of
death from Appendicitis for three
weeks, or to the fact that Christmas
comes but once a year, or to the fact
that the smallest she's got at the mo-
ment is $7S bill. and she'll be down
in the morning. there'll be nothing
doing in the matter Of coughing up
that s. on that particular morning.
When the man who makes his wife
do all the lying is reclining in the
front room on the lounge, so corned
up with and picked in red-eye that
he's mumbling Volopuk and ragtime
in the same breath, and the chief Of
his division drops in on his way home
from Office for the purpose of ascer-
tanning how the sick man is pro-
crossing, it is up to her to dab the
powder on her nose, snatch . fresh
housejacket out Of the chfffonier, re-
ceive the chief OF division and tell
him that her husband is suffering 50
severely with nervous prostration that
the medical man has forbidden him 70
see even her. When the man who
makes his wife do all the lying gets
shook down for his envelope in q
poker game on pay day night. and
therefore can't arrive at taw with the
S19.s4 due on the grocery Bill, she has
to prance up to the gloomy and skep-
tieal groceryman with the neck whis-
kers and inform him that, on his way
through the Smithsonian grounds on
the night before, her husband was at
tackled by an Afro-American gum
shoe artist, nine feet in height, and
relieved of his whole wad under pain
of immediate dissolution. When the
mAH WuO IudACS his WHc uO dlI tNG
lying, under the stimulus of II tall,
deep ones, has invited ~ of his friends
and their wives to join him in a box
party at the theater on next Tuesday
evening, it is up to her, when he
emerges from the fond dream, to
write to the 12 wives (who may al
ready be cleaning their gloves and
neck pieces with gasoline in anticipa-
tion Of the box party) to the general
effect that her husband is threat
ened with the loss Of his eyesight.
and that he has been imperatively
ordered by his oculist to remain in
dark room for an indefinite period.
''The man who makes his wife do
all the lying is a wen ON the body
social. and he has got to 60. have
spoke"