The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1901-02-04
NORTHEASTERN
PENNSYLVANIA


hanna shops are removed to Bingham
ton, the great Starrucca viaduct at
Lanesboro will be taken to Lestershire,
to be used as an air line from that
village to the moon; while blackblrds
will sing lullaby songs in gooseberry
trees pigs will fly through the air, and
Pennsylvanla's professional politicians
will wear wings. Somebody has had u
pipe dream.
JACOBS QUEER ADVENTURE.
Jacob secriat a young man residing
at China, n small hamlet near Deposit,
met with a queer adventure, few
days since. While visiting an aunt,
near Red Rock. he made an effort to
unload gun and was shot through
the hand. The shock and pain crazed
him, and he wandered away. Several
days later he called at a farm house
near Deposit and asked IL his father
lived there, all of the time singing and
beating time. In turning to go he saw
his fathers team on the opposite side
OF the river. In going towards the
team he fell into the river several
times. but was rescued by his father,
who took him to Deposit and had his
wounds dressed. The young man is
now gradually recovering.
IN A LIGHTER VEIN.
Every man in this country would be
a millionaire If he would work with
half the energy that his wife does
when she starts out to catch every bit
OF the latest neighborhood gossip.
If you cannot whip a man, be lenient
with his faults.
There is a wide chasm between get
ting what you want and wanting what
you get.
Love Is said TO be the motive power
OF the world, yet fifty-six women out
OF every ninety stick to 1t that a WELL
seasoned broom-handle is more reliable
than moral suasion for immediate re-
suits.
A Susquehanna father. who has three
beautiful daughters, has replaced the
God Bless Our Home" motto, which
hung In the parlor, with an illumin-
ated card, bearing the late Robert
1ngersolrs remark: When the Dog
Barks II Is a Sign That l am Moving
On" Its effect on Sunday night is said
to be quite thrilling.
IN A LINE OR TWO.
John II. Mcmahon, a prominent
resident, is critically ill with Brights
diesase of the kidneys.
Wood acid manufacturers claim that
their profits are being reduced on ac-
count of the large number of new fac
tories starting up. There is an ovar-
production.
The Erie has great number of emp
ty coal cars standing on sidings along
the road.
The Erie is doing a very heavy
freight business. II the boilermakers'
strike is not soon ended it will be
handicapped for want of motive power.
A few Susquehanna widowers have
recently obtained desirable wives
through matrimonial agencies.
RANDOM OBSERVATIONS.
Poverty is no disgrace" And the
same may be said of the smallpox.
The first thing in boots Is the last.
In the sharp business competition OF
these days, the merchant who doesn't
advertise in the newspapers doesn't do
much business.
The chaps who hang around opera
house and church doors in order TO
guard the audience or congregation
while making their exit, are generally
men OF standing.
When private citizen dies the edi-
tor is asked to write of his good quail
ties and leave the bad out. When an
editor dies the average private citi-
zen says: Now that - liar will get
his dcserts!"
THE NEWS GRIST.
During the absence OF Rev. p. F.
Frederick, the able and popular curate,
Rev. Father Manley is in charge of this
Catholic parish.
Messrs E. r. Barrett, Sidney Dryden
and Robert Lees killed a fox on We'd
nesday.
Bishop Talbot will visit this Episco-
pal parish Feb. IA and IL.
Rev. Charles Smith, of Alton,
preached in the Avenue Methodist
church last evening. and he will also
preach this evening.
Mr.. and Mrs. Charles Wallace. of
this place, have returned from Elmira,
where they attended the double fune-
raj of Mrs. Wallace's parents, Mr.. and
Mrs. John Humphrey. When on Tues
day last his wife died. Mr.. Humphrey.
VINO did not find It out until wednes-
day, said: ~ want to go. too" And
ne did, and the Old people, who had
5ourneyeG together for sixty years.
were buried together in one grave.
WAYSIDE THoUGHTLETS.
We muse on all those better things
Tomorrow We will do and say;
But when tomorrow comes it brings
just old incapable today.
People who have been wondering why
suicides are increasing overlook the
fact that society girls have taken to
playing the violin.
The campaign button may have it's
effect, but 1t isn't really so powerful
as the man behind the scenes who
presses the button
IL is almost time for some cheerful
liar to see the first robin
George Washington would have been
great man even If he had never
hacked cherry tree. Not all OF his
fame rests upon his ability to chop
wood and his inability to tell a lie.
Binghamton newspaper censures
the man who drinks whisSey behind
the door" It's a bad practice, that's
a fact There is danger OF some one
pushing the door shut before he has a
chance to finish his drink. He should
take the flask into the cellar where he
is less liable to be disturbed.
Whitney.
REUNION AND ROLL CALL,
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