Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1901-04-20

be. YOU know. Boston Transcript.
THEIR TATE-Mamma Bird-"Did
ever tell you what becomes Of bad
little birds when they die" Little
Bird-"Oh, yes. They're used in the
millinery business. Puck.
HARD BREAD-Mr. Ncwlywcd-
.Come. won't you break bread with us.
today?" Jack Jestcr-"No. thanks.
old man: you see l can't stand manual
labor: by the way. is it her first at
tempt ohio State Journal.
Jack-"Don't you think that woman.
as a rule prefers a man who is her
MASTER Ethcl-'Not at all. She
prefers one who thinks he is."-Tit-
Bits.
HIS USUAL. NEED-"Did he prove
to be friend in need" well. yes;
he was usually. But he seldom needed
more than two dollars. -Harpers
Bazar.
NOT a SERIOUS MATTER-Fas-
senEcr Ton Il" road)-"My goodness.
Half 4 second more and you would
have slammed that gate right into my
finger" Guard-"Wcll. it's rainin.
an it 'ud wash off."-Ncw York
Weekly.
A TIME FOR EVERYTHING
Accused Oflcer-'I admit dat l wuz
drunk and insulting people: but l wuz
on duty and in citizens clothes. sir"
Police Commissioner-'That is Just
the point. sir. When you are off duty
and in citizens clothes you have no
more right getting drunk and insult
ing people than anybody else. sir
Puck.
PROOF.-"Wen," said she. Il am
satisfied that my Easter bonnet was
the biggest success | have ever made
in that line. At least a dozen of my
best friends have told me that they did
not see il at all yesterday. INDIAN
apolis Press.
Little four-year- old Harry had been
whipped by his father for telling n
falsehood. and he ran to his mother for
consolation. When l was your age I
never told a falsehood.' said his
mother. When did you begin. mann
MAJ" asked Harry.-Tit-B Bits.
JOSH'S FUTURE.-'I guess mebbe
Josh is goin' to be a great financier an
git money by his brains'' remarked
Farmer Corntossel. Does he take an
interest in commercial affairs No.
But he's got to get a Twin somehow.
An he jes' won't k,"-Washington
Star
''Oh. dear" exclaimed little Net
tie. who had fallen into Il mud pud lie
and soiled her new dress Il wish
We're a man..
Why do you wish that DEAR
queried her mother sympathetically.
Because replied Nettie. ''us women
can't express our thoughts like men
can
NO; I haven't been at the club
lately
so they told me. was afraid
something might be wrong-thought
you might be married. Puck.
What kind of a man is Jipps?''
Hes this kind. If you invited him
to dine with you and he lost his UNI
brella at your house. he'd make you
pay for it.'-Chicago Record.
Spokesman Of Delegation-We have
called. sir. on behalf of the repu: a be
people we represent to ask you to do
what you can to stop gambling in cur
ward.
Chief of Police with gasp)-Good
heavens. gentlemen. I am not dong
any gambling in your ward,-Chicago
Tribune.
Hewitt don't understand what
Gruet can see in the girl he is to
marry.
Jewett-Love is blind you know.
Hewitt-Well. love will have to "
deaf and dumb. too. if he gets along
with hcr.-Brooklyn Life.
STUNNED HINTON. Effie. your
Yes. Alfred hasn't recovered We.
from the shock the bill gave him.
Philadelphia Bulletin.
BOTH At REST suppose" said
the stonecutter. you'll want 'Re1ui-
esCat in pace at the bottom of your
wifes monument"
No replied the bereaved Mr.
Peck. make it. 'Requiesco in pace
THAT means L rest in peace. joes-
MT it?"
yes: and want you to sign that
Husband "-Catholic Standard and
Times.
Tommy-Paw, what is an artist,
temperament?
Mr.. Figs-Im blamed if know =
only when I meet a fellow that's got
il don't lend him moncy.-Indianopis
Press.
AN INDICATION.-He- limo
cent Miss Priscilla is. She bushes al
everything say tn her.
She-That isn't innocence, that's re-
finement.-Life.
Bank Cashier-My dear sir you1
bank account is overdrawn so Ofte,
that we are compelled to ask you I,
transfer it elsewhere.
But. good heavens. don't know
any other that will trust me.''-Life.
ON THE GAS MAN.-Bobbs- Thcr,
goes a fellow who makes extravagan
statements
Dobbs-He looks respectable. Wh
is he?
Bobbs-I don't know his name. IT,
writes our gas bills.-Baltimore Amer
lean.
NOT HIS FAITLT-Old Gentleman
So you wish to marry Elizabeth. IN
you are in debt.
Yes. sir
''HOw did YOU get in debit"
II fell in love with your daughter.
Life
PLAIN FACT.-"No. one shou,c,
the candidate. ''can accuse me- Of .ry