New-York tribune., 1901-11-17
THEY PAID FOR THEIR TITLES.
DEAR EXPERIENCE OF TWO CANADIAN
JOKERS AT THE PAN-AMERICAN.

NV chum Brown and l spent our summer
vacation at the Pan-American Exposition, SAID
a jolly young Canadian who came to this city
the other day on business for Montreal firH
"and in spirit Of mischief we thought we
would play a trick the Yankees by pretend
ing we were British noblemen- We both coud
assume a good imitation of the most approved
arstocratc accent, and having heard lot OF
the Americans fondness for a title, we prom
ised ourselves considerable fun
II introduced Brown as Sir Thomas Ray
ord he introduced me as Sir Arthur Banks ;
though my real name is Dixon
"Our first disappointment came when we
could not find rooms in first class hotel IN BuI-
falO. but had to be content with third-ratef.
our second disappointment came when we
clearly perceived that our titles had only served
N raise such suspicion in landlords breast
that he demanded weeks room rent IN al
vance our third came when we saw that our
fellow guests we're far too busy engaged In
getting their moneys worth to pay US anything
like the attention we had hoped 10 attract
I'VE could not very well abandon our ncti-
tious titles. however. resolved TO face IL
out. and we called one another Sir Thomas
and Sir Arthur faithfully when speaking to
third parties though we felt rather silly over II.
Nobody seemed favorably impressed with US,
and we were becoming thoroughly discouraged.
when all at ray Of light came.
"A London cockney waiter appeared at our
table and seemed glad to meet two OF his
own countrymen IN a foreign land that he could
not do enough for us. He waited on us hand
and foot gave titles of Sir a every
other breath and occasionally dubbed Brown
Me Lud' We were delighted. and tipped him
freely.
The poor fellow to room that night
and asked to be allowed to act as our valet. We
told him we were determined to rough it during
our trip in America and were dressing ourselves.
We allowed him. however TO brush all our
clothes He was so grateful that we tipped him
heavily again.
Next day the same thing was repeated, ana
by a few adroit questions I've learned that he
having harder time getting living IN
America than he anticipated when he left n old
h England and was likely to lose MS JoD as
waiter that very night unless he could bribe the
head waiter with 50 bill. He got IT, The next
day his wife taken dangerously i'll, and no
hospital would receive her for less than $40 IN
advance. He got that, too. Next day our vacation
ended, and started for home rather empty in
pocket. our friendly waiter packed our dress
suit cases and began another hard luck story.
We cut it short by saying that had done
enough for him already. His obsequious smile
died out. With impudent leer he said: Well,
good dol Mr.. Brown; good dol. Mr.. Dixon
I'VE looked at one another. 1t was plain that
he on How did you find out? we asked.
Hi went to 3 newspaper office hand hex
amined 'Burke's Peerage.' Hi didn't find your
toitles there said he.
" 1t only Joke replied You won't
blow us Will YOU?
- Not Hi. Him bit Of loer meself.' said
he. with another leer and broad grin.
a cruel suspicion took hold OF me.
Were all those hard luck stories of yours.
fakes also?' / asked.
Ct" "Foikes' is the word. But yer cannot deny
but what | Civ yer good valley in toitles fer
yer scads' said he"