The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1901-11-22
THE VERY MEANEST MAN
Heard There Was Gold in salt Waite,
and Cried Himself Almo.t
blind for Gold

JAKE DlGa!es0ee sat upright un,,
the cd wooden store box, with -
nation loudly pronounced in the riois
~ OF his backbone and The scorn N
his tobacco-stained lips, relates az
New York Herald.
And Go you mean TO tell me T..
Conarty," he inquired, with belittIins
emphasis on every wore, that thar
the story Of the meanest man youevs.
knew? Why, that's no story; lea,t.
wise not worthy of the corn hills ana
potato rows of Pineyille. Let me ton
you d story that is story-the cbrnn'
icle OF the meanest man that ever han
died a hoe or scratched the eyes o,,,
OF patch of Irish potatoes and tba
mans no other than your own old
enemy, Hubbard McPeel."
The old rogue" exclaimed a dozs,
in chorus. I'VE always took him for,
rascal"
Yes, but this story has to do opl,
with his meanness and not hi.
r-r-roguery, mind you. Wei, to On
on and get al him quick. Hubbard
somehow, a couple of weeks sya
learned that some inventor or diseoy.
er or scientist don't know which !,
was myself-had found that god could
be made out of the salt water of N.
sea. Nothing but the water of III.
trimming ocean, mind that.
We'll, says Hubbard to himself
amt tears salt water? And can, I
make the gold out of my own weep.
in's?'
And so to crying takes he. Sush
weeping and wailing you never saw.
| thought he'd fiji the whole of Coon
Hollow, where he lives, with the foaa
of his tear water.
HE cried for his wife. that's dead
now 20 years. think shed been glad
TO have died sooner.
He cried for his children that nigh.
have been If his wife had lived longer.
He cried for his old PET moo,y COW.
which he didn't buy from Pete Mat.
thews because he thought she ough.
TO have been cheaper with the horn,
off.
He cried because his pet pull..
couldn't lay twin eggs instead of sin.
giles day by day
He cried harder than ever ana
wept more copiously than ever b..
cause he couldn't cry twice as hard
Is he was crying over the loss of bis
neighbor, Paddy Malone.
He cried more Professionally When
he found Paddy didn't remember him
in his will
HE wept for his une.es and Lis
aunts.
He wept fer joys that were gen.
and in dread OF sorrows to come, and
he secured the country wide for rea.
sons for tears.
And all the while he was collectin,
his salt tears, in the hope Of getting
supply on hand large enough 10 maks
him rich when he would turn in hi.
store to the man who makes gold out
Of the salt water of the sea.
by this time he had become known
all over this end Of the village as
fool and a crank, as well a. a man Of
miserly meanness. But nature was
just waiting to even up with him for
the destruction of her gifts.
Before long his eyes, from so much
weeping, began TO show signs Of
rheum, and his sight became DINNER
and DINNER.
Somehow he got into correspond.
ence with the fellow that makes the
gold from the sea water, and then
Hubbard found OUT what county.
town fool he was. He dumped out his
little bottle of tears, and-ha! hal
ha,"
Go on, jake" urged the corner
grocery contingent. dangling their
legs restlessly for the finish of the
story.
We'll, it took every red cent Hub
bard had to get that pair of gold.
trimmed specs YOU see him going round
with-that's al the gold he got for his
sat water tears,"