Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1901-07-18
II WAS ALSO A PHILOSOPHER.

In your place l would haf my plug hat
und gold headed Gaze in four weeks!
/ know more ash ten tuusand peoples
who like cement patches on DER shoes,
but dey don't come to you because you
don't haf some brains. 1t vhas sor-
rOwful to see man sit still und go by
der poorhouse"
But What can dor" says.
81 vhill tell you. Did you eafer hear
of dot man named DiogenesW
"Dld he lif in Philadelphia"
"No, sir. He lifs in Greece long
time ago, und he vhas a philosopher.
Dot man vhas so poor dot he lifs in o
tub und eats turnips, but by und by
he vhas reech und famous. 1t vhas all
py his philosophy. You know What phi
losophy is, don't YOU"
"Of course. If you haf a boil on your
leg, you must be glad dot it amt on
your neck"
"EXactly-exactly. Vhell, Hans, you
shall be philosopher. You shall put
oop signs on der walls, und / shall tell
all der peoples. und in a leetle time
eaferypody vhill be talking aboudt
Hans der Philosopher In two weeks
so mooch work comes in dot you shall
hire two men to help you. In one
month all der dago cobblers vhas gone
out of peesness. You keep a leetle
quiet und we spring a surprise on der
pooblic."
i don't know aboudt him, und my
wife don't know aboudt him, but may
pc she vhas all X. o. In two days dot
butcher makes me feefty signs to hang
oop, und he tells more ash one hoon-
cred peoples dot vhas Hans der Phi.
losopher. l don't get mylshop open In
der morning before man kicks on der
door. When he comes In, he says:
Hello, Hans! So you vhas going In
to beat old Diog, eh? / like dot. !
shall read your signs und bring In some
shoes to be fixed"
He looks all aroundt und reads, und
pooty queek he says:
How vhas dis? Maybe you like to
insult me, eh? Dot sign reads dot a
man NIT third wife vhas lifing next
door to fool. Do you mean dot /
vhas some fools because l vhas mar.
rled three times?"
81 don't pellet do" saws.
"Vhell. What do you meanp
81 mean some philosophy"
"Oh, you do? Vhell, let me tell You
something's. can lick you in one min.
ute by some clocks, und IL you don't
take down dot sign pefore noon you
vhas wrecked man. l haf some phi.
losophy, too, und you better look oud,
for me-"
1t makes me feel bad dot l lose nv
first customer, und ] take dot sign
down. In ten minutes a woman comes
in NIT two shoes to be fixed for seexty
cents. She vhas an old customer, und
like her.
$50 you vhas some philosophers. eh p
she says to me- ash she looks aboudt.
81 vhas."
$50 vhas l, und shall bring you all
my shoes to cobble. Let me read some
signs. Ha, hal But What you mean py
dot sign which reads dot bleached hair
und brain fever don't lie on der same
pillow?"
ut vhas philosophy" says.
"Oh, 1t vhas! 1t vhas philosophy to
insult your customers, vhas itT
"But don't insult you. womans."
"But you do. My hair vhas bleached
because l like to be a blond. und dot
sign means don't haf any brains. Gif
me back dose shoes. You may be some
philosopher all right. but l take my
work to some dago who don't make
fun of me. Cobbler, you vhas a bold.
bad man, und If you gif me one moro
word I Will wreck dis shop und break
your heart"
When dot womans goes oudt, my
wife comes In und says dot butcher
vhas fool und vhill drif us into bank
ruptcy. 1t looks dot vhay to me, too.
but l don't do nottings pefore feller
comes In und shouts oudt:
Good morning, old philosopher! How
you vhas? Dot butcher vhas telling
me aboudt her, und l vhas glad of 1t.
What dis locality WANTS is a philoso-
pher, und l pellet you make big
sooccess. You haf got oop some signs,
eh? Vhell, / read 'em oafer und den
pring you in some work"
He reads for two minutes und den
says:
"See here, cobbler. can you make
some peesness py insulting custom
81"
"Who vhas insult your l says.
1T vhas you. Here vhas sign dot
says no baldheaded man should seek
to run a comb factory. l vhas bald
headed, und you like to make fun of
me-"
"But l don't neffer see your balg
head pefore."
"Don't lie to me, cobbler! Ten times
vhas in dis shop NIT my hat Off, und
ten times you see my badness. You
like to hat some shokes on me because
my hair vhas gone AWAY, but you find
eudt dot she don't pay. II you Will