The evening times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1902, 1901-07-11
REPORTED BY THE POLICE.
Some Odd Descriptions Turned III
by ChicagO's Finest.

Many Officers Attempt to BE Humor-
Gus, While Others Are Naturally
sO-The Poorly Educated En-
deayor to Create an Impression.
Il is one Of the legends Of the Maxwell
Street police station that one night the
captain asked an officer who had made an
arrest in cutting ARRAY if the man
who had been taken to the hospital would
die, and that the worthy bluecOat an
swered:
We'll. he has three cuts: he'll get well
of two Of them. but the other Is fatal
Like all legends, this has its uI-beiiev-
crs But an hour or two spent among
records of the police department viii con
vince anybody that If the officer didn't
make this reply he might have done 50
and not broken any records for odd re
ports.
Chief KipIey-at least he was chief
then-saiI u few months ago when the
civil service commission declined 10 aD-
prove some of his appointments because
other officers had passed examinations
better. that ne didn't give a damn wheth-
er his men could spell correctly or not
What / want is thief-takers." excIaim-
ed the old fellow. mot bookkeepers-'
ELNtn ALit OK tLElFA e7Ni4li - = tsAil
that he got bookkeepers- In looking over
the reports some OF his officers have
made that Is very apparent
Whether. as ne held, the educated man
wasn't the best man TO catch criminals
is a question that never has been an
swercd satisfactorily. It's fact, though
that at the recent convention Of the
chiefs Of police Of the big cities Of this
country, held in New York, there Were
few who were well educated in what is
termed book learning Yet every one had
won his place because he kew his bUsi-
ness.
Nearly every one came from the ranks
Chief O'NefH said the other day that he
| didn't recall a chief who had not worked
his way to his present place Many he
! remarked, doubtless were aided by that
/ Undesirable thing called "A pull" but
! the word is so indefinite that ne thought
that many times pull meant nothing more
/ than an attention to business which drew
/ the attention of superior officers
/ However. it remains that many police
men are shy of knowledge Not in the
knowledge Of men. nor Of the world but
of words and their meanings. The aver
! age policeman doesn't have to use many
! words in the performance of his duty;
| therefore his vocabulary has little prac-
/ Jice.
! Perhaps this isn't fair. either only ne
shows his lack of knowledge more because
he has the opportunity which GOeSu [
/ spectOrs Of half d dozen branches of the
city family VINO DO not have 10 take their
/ pens in hand from the years beginning 10
( its end
Then. too when an officer has to make
! q report he is like the young man just
, cat of school-he tries to show Off He
Q -. do
/ he wants to make an impression Thus
/ il is that often he gets lost in the mass
Of words ana finally struggles out as best
! ne can icNEIuE 4 very irregular tran or
meaning behind
/ As may be remarked in this report,
/ " hiCh WAS handed in at the Harrison
| Street station this week.
Il have the honor to report that Peter
Niehands being under iHtuXicdtioH while
imbibiug and drunk, felOHcSly and with
out malice did and in my presents hit.
strike and abuse one Thomas BGusTT
He also cracked him over the head with
/ his cane. He was drunk, and ] locked
! both ia this station
| Then there IS the policeman whose
! sense Of perception is bad. There were
several Of him ont to the recent promo
tiouaI eXamiT alton at the West Division
High School, where the examinations for
| desk scrgeants were held. one of them
J bothered a great deal over question.
! and finally asked his nearest Heighbor
what he thought Of the problem. which
eight men to build a brick wall twenty
J feet long if four men could construct a
wall forty feet long in five DAYS
1T beats me" said one big fellow.
! What has bricklaying to do with walk
! ing "a beat, anyway J never laid hands
on a tTuwcI in my life.
Its a hard question, and one no-decent
man would ask us, reJOtned his fellow
But this man what got up them ques-
| lions comes from the Fifth ward, and ne
/ likes MahOney.'
And what's that to do with it,
| "Shure. and didn't MahOney lay brick
| for three years? He's a brickIayeT by
| trade"
| Another policeman VIII attempt TO grow
poetic He viii stick adjeCtiyeS in like
/ spice i'm a fruit cake and make SMILES
| that are wonderful. In describing an &C
cideut on the Canaiport Avenue electric
| railway the other day one Of them wrote:
| The rails rose up like gladiatOrs of
! wore forming a E-shaped wedge which
/ thrlIu the car off the track and knocked
Katie GiIhooley. 81 Halsted Street,
( through a window, cutting her nose and
! clothing
| And there is the copper who doesn't un-
| derstand what is said and writes down
| something that sounds like what is told
! him.
| Two days ago an Austin man was eX-
l peri;nenting with explosives for Fourth