The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1901-06-19
OUR BUDGET OF HUMOR
LAUcRTER.PRovoKINc STORIES FOR
LOVERS OF FUN.


.AUcHTER.PRovoKINc STORIES FOR
LOVERS OF FUN.
Ioff-No Robber of His Race-LinguaI-
Quick and Effective-Most Import an
Thing - Technical Defense - Social
Tratnlng-Reconciled to the Outlay, Etc
Marvellous braes are bonny,
And everyone extols
The hazards and the bunkers, there,
And the course of eighteen holes.
IT'S there with Annie Laurie,
And caddie, every day,
I 60, and oh! how blissfully
We hoot the hours away (awa)!
Detroit Journal.
No Robber of His Race.
"Jones, you borrow an awful lot Of
trouble"
"Well, m always willing to lend it,
amt II"
"Oh, ma"
"What is it. JimmieY'
'Do we eat Off a plate-or. do we eat
on plate?'-Chicago Record Herald.
Quick and Effective.
Willie-"How did you break your
wife Of the advanced woman craze"
Wise-'Told her everybody thought
It meant advanced in years."-Kansas
City (Mo.) Independent.
Most Important Thing.
Professor-"Can you tell me anything
Of national Importance about the Ha-
waiian group Of islands?"
Bright Boy-"Yes. sir. The Pacific
Ocean."-Chicago Daily News.
A Technical Defense.
Sue-"You said you were going to
marry an artist, and now you are en-
gagged to a dentist"
Flo-"Well, isn't hei;an artist? he
draws from real lifer'-Philadelphia
Bulletin.
Social Training.
Miss OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES, sir, 10
this a training school?
Principal-"It is"
Miss OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES. sir, T
wish to learn how to eat olives. Ohio
State Journal.
Reconciled to the Outlay.
Mrs. Dearborn "Did Jerry balk
when the minister charged him So for
marrying your
Mrs. Wabash-"He did a little, at
first, but finally the parson said he'd
do it cheaper the next time."-Yonkers
Statesman.
Sincere Grief at His Loss. .
Banks-"You think I look glum. Well,
why shouldn't I? I have lost rich
aunt"
Beach-"Did she die suddenly"
Banks-"DIe suddenly? She isn't dead
at all. Her niece has Tilted me. ."-Bos-
ton Transcript -~s.s'ssstAs
If Feet Were Niinbler Than Tongue.
Stutterton-"Have I gug-gug-got tut
time to cuc-cuc-catch the n-n-next
t-train for N-N-New-"
R. R. Porter-"Noo York? Yis; ye
have, providin' ye walk ,fasther than
ye talk. 1t don't lave fur an hour
Philadelphia Record
The Tramps' View.
Resting Robert-"See here, Tom, this
paper says we have no leisure class in
this country-that even our million
aires are hard-working men,"
Tired Thomas "That man don't
know what he is writing about. We
are the leisure class. New York Her
aid.
An Embarrassment.
"I don't know what to do with all
this money" said the practical politi-
cal worker.
What money is thatY inquired the
friend.
"The boss gave me $4,000 to put
where it would do most good. I have
over $4,000 left"
A Placid Statesman.
IT suppose a man in your position Is
beset with people who are trying TO
impose on his good nature"
"Yes," answered Senator Sorghum.
'But don't complain. If you haven't
something that somebody is trying to
get away from you, it is sign you
haven't amounted to much in Hfe."-'
Washington Star.
An Extremist.
Talking about college spirit" said
the first fair coed, Sophie Moore car
ries it to the extreme
You don't say?" remarked the other. -
Eyes, she won't ever eat anything
but strawberry and vanilla when she's
being treated to ice cream. because
.ed and white are the college colors.
Philadelphia Press.
No Yankee Blood In Him.
mo, really" she said, Il believe my
husband is different from other men,"
"Oh, yes, I suppose so," her expe-
fenced friend replied, but you'll out
ROW it. Every woman thinks, during
he first few years. that her husband
8 not like other men,"
But William" she insisted. has
never, 80 far as I know, expected to
yet fortune out of an invention OF
Iome kind"