davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-08-29
GRANTS RETREAT.
The General Went When "A PoIice-
mans Club Pointed the WAY.

Speaking of nightsticks reminds me
OF seeing General Grant in his TO my
mind greatest hour. the only time lie
was ever beaten, and by a policeman.
/ told his son. Fred Grant of ii when
he became a police commissioner IN the
nineties, but | do not think he appre-
ciated it. lie was not cast in his great
fathers mold. The occasion / refer to
was after the generals second term IN
the presidency. He was staying al the
Fifth Avenue hotel. when one morning
the Masonic temple was burned. The
fire line was drawn half way down tile
block toward Fifth avenue, but the po-
lice were much hampered by the crowd
and We're out of patience when I. stand
ing by. saw a man in a great ulster
with head buried deep In the collar.
cigar sticking straight out. coming
down the street from the botel.
recognized him at sight as General
Grant. The policeman who blocked
his way did not, lie grabbed him by
the collar, swung him about and. hit
ting him a resounding whack across
the back with his club. yelled out:
WHAT'S the matter with your Don't
you see the fire linesf Chase Yourself
out Of here and be quick about H."
The general never said a word. lie
did not stop 10 argue the matter He
had run up against a sentinel and when
stopped went the other way. That was
all. The man had a right to be there;
he had none. was never so much an
admirer Of Grant as since that day. 1t
was true greatness. 4 smaller man
would have made a row, stood upon his
dignity and demanded the punishment
OF the policeman. As for him. there
was probably never 50 badly frighten-
ed n policeman when | told him whom
he had dubbed | viii warrant he did
not sleep for week. fearing all kinds
Of things. No need OF it. Grant prob
ably never gave him a thought.-Jacob
Riis In Outlook.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-08-29
BIG PRICES FOR ANIMALS.
Small sized Fortune needed TO
Buy Giraffe.

Because of the difficulty Of getting il
to America and Of keeping II alive aft
CT it arrives a good giraffe is quoted al
5000.
Next to the giraffe in tile aristocracy
Of cost come the rhinoceros and the
hippopotamus, worth from $1,000 70
5000 each. If dealer could breed
these animals. he could get rich. bur-
tie big mammals rarely breed ia cap
tiy!ty. About the only place ia America
where hippopotami have been known
10 raise their young Is in tie menag-
erie in Central park. New York.
a chimpanzee OF size is worth 5000,
and wien one reaches the intelligence
9f the late Mr. Crowley. Chico or Jo-
hanna he IS beyond a fixed price Tie
monkey kind are most uncertain prop
erty. The animal man says they are
certain 10 die. Bur the ordinary ones
can be bought very cheaply.
One can buy a nice young baby ele-
plant for 1000 at times. but a really
good animal is worth from $3.50 tc
$1,000 An elephant does not command
the maximum price because Of tie
beauty of his eountenance. the ele-
gance Of his figure. his intellectual en-
Gowments or his size. bur because Of
sweet, sunny disposition \ mean
elephant is about the most evil az liy-
ing things. Sooner or later he has to
be killed. usually after he has slain
two or three keepers and done more
damage than be is worth. OF two ami
mails of equally good disposition the
larger and finer commands the higher
price. Of course. but the most magnifi-
cent beast with an inclination for muir
der isn't worth as much as a very com
mon one that is trustworthy-tha is.
ordinarily so, for the sweetest tenn
pered have days when they seem in
spired of satan.-Junior Munsey.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-08-29
ste,enson.. cup of Misery.

II. l.. Stevenson, writing in 1893 to
George Meredith, in an epistle quoted
in a new edition of his Letters" says.
with heart touching pathos:
For Il years | have not had a days
real health. | have Weakened sick and
gone TO bed weary. and have done my
work unfiinchingly. have written in
bed and written out of it. written in
hemorrhages. written in sickness, writ
ten torn by coughing. written when my
head swan for weakness, and for so
long. II seems to me- have won my
wager and recovered my glove. / am
better nOw-have been. rightly speak
ing. since first | came to the Pacific
and still few are the days when | am
not in some physical distress. And the
battle goes on-ill or well is a trife so
that il goes. was made for a contest.
and the powers have SO willed that my
battlefield should be this dingv lnglori-
Gus one Of the bed and the physic bot
tie. At least. | have not failed but
would have preferred a place of trum-
petinss and the open air over my
head"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-08-29
Apple pic order.

To feel IN apple pie order is a phrase
which lates back 10 Puritan tjmes-to
a certain Hep4hah Merton. 1t seems
that every Saturday she was accus-
toned To bake TWO or three dozen app
ple pies. which were 70 last her family
through The coming week These She
placed carefully on her pantry shelves.
labelled for each day 81 tie week. 50
that Tuesdays pies might not he CON
fused with Thursdays nor those pre-
sumably large or intended for washing
nnd sweeping days eaten when house
hold labors were lighter. Aunt Hep
zibah's apple Pie order was known
throughout the entire settlement ana
originated the Well known saying.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-08-29

Tie city hoy laughs N the country
hoy who stands n the corner with his
mouth and eyes wide open. who stun
bles as he goes along the street be
cause he is 50 busy looking around
that he doesn't see where he IS step
ping After two days. However. the
country hoy goes home and tells his
friends about a thousand wonderful
things the city boy passes every day Of
Lis life ana never sees--Exchange.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-08-29
Crane Island.

In Lake Mlnnetouka. Minnesota. there
Is 2 picturesque island which takes its
name from the fact that it is unin-
hahited by man and given over 10 the
cranes Generations back these birds
decided upon this spot for Il summer
resort As times went on aud the sur
rounding islands populated no man
had the heart 70 disturb them. until
now Crane island is pointed cut from
passing boats rs one Of tile curiositieS
of the northwest
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-08-29
shave. and colds.

It is not generally known among men
that close shaving is apr 10 bring on a
cold BARRIERS however. are acquaint-
ed with this fact. and il is rather on
account OF il than through any desire
10 bring their patrons back soon again
that they do not. unless ordered 70. ad-
minister close Shaves.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-08-29
A Financial ni.cn..inn.

Chronic Eorrower-Can you lend me
SO for a few days:
Weary Friend-Why don't you pawn
your watch?
Because il is a keepsake from my
dear mother. and | don't like TO part
with IT,"
Ny money is 8 Keepsake from my
dear father. and ! don't Ike 20 part
with il, either. Exchange.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1901-08-29
A. to Drawing Capacity.

An ant. they say. can draw - times
mustard plaster can give the ant cards
AMI spades and beat IL NJ its own
game arizona Republican.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23

The wife of a German farm hand In Ohio
was taken sick recently. and finally died,
the husband, Of course. leaving his work
Tor several days In consequence. Two weeks
later he appeared at the house Of his en-
pioyer and asked to be relieved from work
for q couple of days. when the following
conversation took place:
Il would like to get OF for apout two
tays."
Il can't spare you unless Il Is absolutely
necessary. You know you lost several day.
two weeks age and We are behind in the
work. What is the necessity for your get
ting on?" inquired the farmer.
well. I vas to be married."
why. Fritz your wife died only two
weeks ago. and now you are about to get
married again? l do not understand that
WELL" replied the German, 81 don't hold
spite long," The farmer dismissed the case
without prejudice.-New York Tribune.
The Heartlessness Of Pelities.
ITS a Wean thing to do" said the poll
tician. ''hdt I've got to shake the public
confidence in this opponent Of mine some
how"
But there is no use Of abusing him."
mo. I'll al distrust by more insidi-
Gus methods. 1 will have him called the
s~ilver-tongued orator. If that name ever
fastens to him. his finish Is In sight
Washington Star.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23

Il believe In the transmission Of power"
declared the little moon-faced man who
greeted the 6rst warm day by occupying q
seat in the Grand Circus Park. 1t is Just
as rational as mental ~telepathy. transfu-
sion OF blood. or anything OF that kind. See
that man sitting over there near the foun-
tain?"
YEP" yawned the big man who had been
thus addressed by the little range looks
sleepy"
Don't you believe It for a minute. He's
As wideawake as a weasel. There's my worst
enemy. II I could tell you why I hate him
and how I hate him ! could write q book
that would be dramatized. I'd give five
thousand cold cash to thrash hin. 1 would.
and I wouldn't stop at q couple OF thousand
more. either"
Say. my friend. I'll do II for half h
money. and pay my own expensea"
"Pshaw! ! could get him trimmed for the
price Of q drink But what good would that
do me? Between you and me. that hulk
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23
New Poete.s Of Passion.

Miss Honey Jane Smart Of Methodist
Mountain contributes this gem Of passion
ate verse:
/ felt his arm glide round my neck
As serpent round its victim.
Nor strove I to his action check
Did nothing to restrict him.
I heard him murmur "Yummy yumr'
And strove to call my mother.
But ere the laegard cry would come
My lips he tried to smother!
Then did a wild. unstudied kiss
Occur beneath our noses!
My soul swan in Q sea Of bliss
Perfumed with altar Of roses!
My head with rapture seemed to spin.
My soul was rank with biisses,
As sat he there and reveled in
A wild free lunch OF kisses!
Denver Post.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23
This was a strain. but they were trying to

This was a strain. but they were trying to
establish a record.
Suddenly he jerkcd forth his handkerchief
TO mop his brow, and with II came many.
many grains Of rice Some fell in the aisle
and some fell on the passengers about them.
In an instant the couple became the tar
gets Of half q hundred searching eyes.
h blushed prettily: he looked like . sheep.
The careless hirt Of the handkerchief did
the business, and. as further stimulation
became useless, they held each others
hands during the remainder Of the Journey.
Ohio State Journal.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23

Yes. there ID nc doubt he stole the hoss.
But jes as We wux goin' to string him up
he said somethin' about playin' the ~on-
certina for tn last time. Well. the boys
all liked music an there wus . eoncsrtins
in Ike Hunken's cabin tibet had belonged
to . tenderfoot that passed In his checks
a dozen years ago. The boys fetched 4 OUT
an Bill Stump told tn Teller tibet II ed
play Rock o. Ages clean through we'd let
him %. 30 We all sat round an the fe1lee
started In"
did he play itr'
played 1t clean throush. But W hung
him jest tn same"
How was that"
'Th' dern kiyots played Il ih ng timer
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23

Here's the ragged roundabout
Turn the pockets inside out;
See: his penknife. lost Z use.
Rusted shut with apple Juice:
Here. with marbles. top N string.
Is his deadly "devil-siing,"
With Its rubber limp at last
As the sparrows of tho past!
Observation-Disclosures straps
Bullets. and a box OF caps
Not . thing At all. I guess.
But betrays some waywardnesee
Zen these tickets. blue and red.
For the Bible verses said-
Such a. this his memory kspt-
JESUS wept."
Here's q fishing hook and line.
Tangled up with wire and twfne.
And dead angle worms, and some
Slugs Of lead and chewing gum.
Here's some powder in q quill.
Corked up with a liver pill;
And q epongy little chunk
OF punk!
Here's the little coat. but o!
Where Is he that we've censured sol
Don't you hear US calling. dear?
Back! come back and never fear
You may wander where you will,
Over orchard. field n hill:
You may Kill the birds. or do
Anything that pleases you!
All. this empty coat OF his!
Every latter worth q kiss:
Every stain as pure instead
As the white stars overhead:
And the pockets-homes were they
= OF the little hands that play
Recton m.
-J.me. wh,tccmh R,,.v-
-
Ships 1t Sea.
I have ships hat went to sea
More than fifty years ago.
None have yet come home to me.
But are sailing to and fro.
I have seen them In my sleep.
WIN tastered ali. ana battered huIis.
While around them screamed tho rulls
Flvtnr iov 6vinr ion
I have wondered Why they stayed
From me sailing round the voraA.
And i said: "I'm half afraid
Thar their sails Will ne'er he furied.~
Great the treasures that they hold.
T I'M eMu p.unN" Ino 90 Nv
~" 30 "...sn IN - e.
~ ~ - .
""eS s~ my ~
A. Zach ..,o, In .h. MN
EroI,. ,hs, : have .htn. ~ -.
~ On. 1,nds ga 80. ,hs .nort
"a 81. ..uo.. IT,
.he sas p.ey e
Oit tney come ana WIN me Wiz
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23


I bargainod with Love yesterday
In that shop curious Of his.
Hung with strange stories Of grief and
blisa,
In Full Moon Street, Arcadian way.
Alack. the price I had 10 pay.
Shylock could ask no more than this:
Too much for one small heart ! win
] bargained with Love yesterday.
Belinda's heart I bought outright
With price Of freedom that was mine.
REIMBURSEMENT Of pipe and stein.
With thoughts by day and dreams BY night.
All. well. We sealed the bargain tight
Love bowed and smiled with look benign.
And chuckled ~ l left his sign
Belinda's heart I bought outright.
Yet. o. my purchase Of delight
Mine own to have and hold alwaysl
Bellnda's heart I bought outright
! bargatned with Love yesterday.
-IAco.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23

occupied by . gentleman Of great gener-
osity. Among the applicants who sought
relief from him during his tenure Of once
was . w~ell-knoWn local character, who
asked the LOAF Of . few pounds to buy .
donkey and cart q ct up In the rag .
bone business.
"weIl. Tim.' said The Mayer. ~ I givs
me?'
This wa . poser for Tm. but . thsught
struck him. and he blurted out:
well, yef Worship. II ye are kind enough
to give me the msnsy. ri tell yer what IN
do-ru name the donkey after yer Woss
shit. "@T1t-Bats
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23
THE CORRECTLY DRESSED
MAN AND THE BABY.

Tho woman and the baby in the west
bound avenue car kept the car lively. The
baby had the ~unquenchable yells from the
Peace to the War Department.
and beyond. The baby kicked and tossed
and beat its mother in the face with its
fists, and tried to poke holes in tho car
windows. and gasped and norted and
choked.
What b II mammals pity itty sing
wants?" the baby's mother would inquire.
"wow-wow-blub-wo-eo!'
Baby hurts its poor itty mamma punch
ing her. Does baby want the nice itu
horsie?"
'.Zip-woosh-naw-bl ub-baw-we-owr"
rShau she 60 buy It . new dress and dol
Her
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES"
SEQ out the window. the wagon going
along without any horsie. Isn't that fun
nyr'
.Ker-chub-ma-am-woof-wowr'
shall mamma take II to the store to see
the new pftties7"
"Ker-bim-oo-oor'
Don't want to ses the pitties? There.
now. then Don't Ky no more. mamma's
itty sing. Shall she dance 1t up and DOWN.
"Baw-min-u m-swat-ee-ee-wowr'
The tall. correctly dressed mai who was
sitting right alongside the woman with the
baby. and whose raglan the baby had been
threatening to kick into short ribbons for
some time past, reached down~and chucked
the baby under the chin and smiled amia-
bly,. causing the mother to look pleased
Mammals booful baby!' she went on. ad-
dressing ths younguter soothingly. Indeed.
mamma doesn't know what IN the world to
do with such . bad boy"
Have o ever tried" inquired the cor
rectly dressed man - the car was coming
to q halt for i'm = gse Cd. have you ever
tried brass knucka. . sandbag. . piece OF
lead pipe. O. m Ice pickr'
And before TIE mother could recover from
her amusement the brute bad stepped on.
and the car had started ahead. the young
one sttu yowltng.-Washlngton star.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23

He: Il knoW I'm late. dear. Yoa -. I
VA detained . couple Of hours BY q Old
friend who Just got back 70 town after .
long ahssncs. ! had to tell III IN ]
KNEW"
b (mappishiy): Il dont 80 Why that
sheuld havs kspt yeu - teag."-Rhiladsa.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23
His Complaint.

HIS Complaint.
Yes" said the successful novelist. ''the
dramatization has been q great success.
but I am not satisfied"
you are not satisfied pc said his friend.
why. no. There's material enough in
the book for half a dozen dramas, an they
v produced only one."-Brooklyn Life.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23

Paw" said little Willie Gettit. "gfvO ~
- cents % buy . story book with"
Ten centsr' shrieked the old gsatleman.
d you think I am Andy CArneg1er"-
Baltimoco American.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23
Not Entirely.

Not Entirely.
rs he Q criminal lawyer"
"Well. I should hardly call him a GRIM
inal. though some Of his practices come
very close to being felonies.-Town and
Country.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23

The passengers scarcely gave them .
passing glance n they entsred the car. He
took . seat By the window just IKE .
longtime married while she eat en-
the aisle. II was the part Of . shrewd
plan. After two stations had been passed
be began to read = nswspaper. and let her
osk euestjoao twjee becpeO - answered.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23
That Would Never Do.

That Would Never Do.
Kitty: Charles Jones proposed to me last
night. and when / accepted him he wanted
to kiss me-"
Janet: We'll. did you kiss himr'
Kitty: why. no. indeed. I can't 60
around kissing every man I meet"-Baltt-
more World.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23
An Mistake.

Belle: do you think the world - grow
ing better?'
Flora: Il thought %. my dear. until I
married George to reform him."-Smart Set
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23

The New Song.
we raved At the Wearioome winter
Deep-freexin' its way 3 the soul:
Now we're longin' to 70
To chill regions Of snow.
On . trip to the pole-to the polei
Ws'r longin' to sail on an iceberg,
In n that are frigid to roll,
where the bleak norther hoWls :
An b Polar bear growis,
On . trip to the pole-to the pole!
Atlanta Constitution.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23

Maude: Il don't see how you recognized
Mr.. Fhader. He has changed SO very
much!"
Emily: "wcll. I shouldn't have known
him IL he hadn't had on one Of his last
years shirt waists."-Brooklyn Life.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23
Drawing the Line o, jackson.


A good story Is told in Missouri at the ex-
pense OF its once famous Governor, Clai.
borne +. Jackson. Before he solved the
enigma Of lovelock he had married five sis
ters-in reasonable lapses Of consecutive
ness. After one wife had been lost and ap-
proprfately mourned he espoused another.
and he kept his counting within q narrow
circle Of his own relatives. for he rather
liked the family.
The antiQuated father Of these girls was
almost deaf. and when the Governor went
to this octcgenarian to ask for his surv1v-
ing daughter the following conversation en-
sued:
Il want Lizzie"
"Eh?"
Il want you to let me have Eiiz-a-bethr'
"Oh. you want Lizzie. do you? b forT'
For my wifey"
For lfer"
Il want-to-marry-herg~
"Oh. yes! Just %. I hear you. boy.
I'm precious glad you dor muttered the
Governor.
WELL" slowly responded the veteran.
"you needn't halloa so that the whole neigh
borhood knows II! Yes. you can have her.
You've got 'em all now. my lad. but for
goodness sake. II anything happens to that
ere poor misguided gal. don't come and ask
me for the old woman!"
Jackson solemnly promised that he never
would.-Tit-Bits.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23

Z warn you" he said. threateningiy. TO
Keep away from Miss Billion. rve been
making love to her myself"
Have you. reallyr' replied the rival.
We'll. she'll Be Glad 70 nave the MATES
cleared up."
Cleared upi what % you meanr'
why. she said she thought that's what
you'd been trying to %. but she wasn't
sura"-Chicago Post.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-06-23
%
), IRON the
\ Eebanqy

married the girl I was engaged 70. Yes. sir.
She had the ring and everything. He told
me that there wasn't enough of me TO he
Q protection TO any one. / challenged him
to q duel. and he said that there was moth
ing Tor him to shoot at. Now. look here. I
believe that IL you will set your mind on it
and not think OF anything else, you can
transmit your strength to me for about five
minutes. That'l be enough and to spare"
After a brief conversation the big man
leaned on the back OF the bench as though
not able to sit up. the little man went to
his feet with a spring. threw hack his shoul-
ders. and hurried to his victim" Ten min
utes later the ambulance arrived and the
little chap loaded in looked as though he
had been dragged through q cactus re-
serve.
"Pard." he whispered to the big man, 'that
darned theory Of mine hain't worth much's
a pair of duces after the draw."-Chicago
lnter-Ocean.
Bryan morning eagle. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1898-1909, 1901-04-21
WILL BE OF BENEFIT.
England's War TAKE. WIN Help some
American Iudustriss.

Washington. April 90 Eugland's
taxes, imposed 70 meet the heavy charges
growing out Of the Bocr war, may prove
beneficial 10 American exporters II Is
not believed that the import duty 20 be
imposed ON sugar will affect the trade
with the United States and the United
Kingdom In away. Experts of the treas
ury department, however, believe that
the United States will profit 20 some de-
gree by the imposition Of the export
duty Of ! shilling per ton on the coal
shipped out Of the United Kingdom.
The products Of the American coal
mines have been gradually making their
way into new markets for several years
past and Il Is believed that IN many
places the present margin Of cost In
favor Of British coal as against that
from the United States is less than one
shilling per ton and that the imposition
Of this tax. with the consequent in.
crease In the cost ~ business, viii lead
consumers On buy American coal. The
largest increase is expected in those
markets which are relatively nearer to
the United States than 10 Great Britain
but some increase may be- expected in
exports ~ continental Europe.
The imposition u an import tariff on
sugars, with differcntinl of two shil.
lings and two pence between refined
sugars and sugars testing ~ degrees is
looked upon here as % step iu the dircc.
ton Of protection ns 1t i. believed that
this diilcrcntial Is great enough 10 afford
considerable encouragement 20 the
British rchucr,.
This may lead 90 a reduction In the
import, Of refined sugar into the united
kingdom. but 90. refined sugar is not an
article Of export from the United States
| American trade will not be- affected by
this. The United Kingdom took from
| the United State. last year 2O2 300. 500
pounds of glucose. 2,N,iGOi gallons Of
moIas-cs aud s,2,s.2il gallons Of syrup
| II Is not believed that the trade in These
articles will be- affected materially by
the tax.
Mr. Gage the secretary Of the treasu.
~, Is not disposed To believe that the
now taxes will affect the American trade
with the United Kingdom 10 any ma.
tcrial degree lie doubts whether the
export duty ON coal Is large enough Ia
give American coal any great advantage
IN competing markets