The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1901-08-23

Miss Richman-He is the light of my
life, pa. Mr.. Richman-Well, perhaps
he is. I notice that he saves gas bills.
Judge. X -.
Judge-You say the defendant turned
and whistled to the dog. What follow
ed? Intelligent Witness-The dog, sor.
-Tit-Bits. y
T. Gle has the reputation of being a
very candid man." "Well, yes, he's ex-
tremely candid in admitting the faults
Of others" Philadelphia Press.
Indignant: Bizzer-Come and go fish,
ing. Buzzer-How dare you ask me to
go fishing on Sunday; besides, have
to play golf.-Ohio State Journal.
Husband-I wonder what we shall
wear in heaven?. Wife-Well, if you
get there, John, l imagine most of us
willwea surprised looks.-Smart Set.
do you belle we in long or short en-
gagementsY' asked Miss Frocks Of
Miss Kittish. "Short engagements and
plenty of them," was the reply.-De-
troit Free Press.
Mr.. Poore-Will nothing induce you
to marry? Miss Witte-On the con-
trary. 1t is the nothing you have
which induces me not to marry.-De-
troit Free Press.
"Willie, whom did George Washing
ton marryY' 1.-THE widow GUSTS,
ma'am." HAD he any children ?"
"Yes'm-the Sons and Daughters of
the Revolution."-Life.
Bizzer-Those safety pins are great
inventions. Buzzer-Are they? Bizzer-
You bet; our baby swallows one every
once in a while and they never faze
him.-Ohio State Journal:
Description: did you hear what
Judy Gibbs said?' "No; what was ~
"She said the new bride next door to
them has the most elegant repertoire
Of shirt-waists she ever saw."-Chicago
Record-Herald.
ooh, yes," said the ice magnate,
"there will be a time when the poor
"And when will that be-" asked the
delighted listener "Next winter
Baltimore American.
Don't you think man ought to be
liberal in his political views?" Ger
tainly," answered Senator Sorghum.
I'm my opinion man can't hope to set
very far along these days by being
stingy.'" -Washington Star.
''Hello!' cried the bore, bustling into
the great mans Office, t'anything new?"
you're always looking for something
new and fresh, aren't you?" said the
long-suffering victim. "Surev' "Well,
why don't you carry pocket mirror"
l-Philadelphia Press. =.
Not Yet Ready to Quit: II suppose"
said the doctor, as he carefully bound
up the stump Of Sammy's amputated
arm, "that you will not shoot off toy
cannons on the next Fourth" "Why
not?" replied Sammy; II have one arm
left et."-Harlem Life
'See here!' exclaimed an angry man
to horse dealer; "ycu said that horse
l bought of you yesterday hadn't sin
gle fault; and now I find he is blind
Of one eye." "Oh," replied the dealer.
calmly; that's not a fault; it's a mis-
fortune. "-Chicago Daily News.
Caller-You must be very honest
boy, Remus, not to go near the majors
closet when you know he keeps his
brandy in there. Remus-'Tain't so
much de honesty, sab, but yo' see all
dun heard it told dat de major has a
skeleton in his closet.-Philadelph
Record.
Merely Buying: Mrs. Jones-What's
your hurry? You're not of for the sea-
shore now? Mrs. Smith-No, not until
tomorrow. I'm going downtown now.
Mrs. housekeeping? Mrs. Smith
No, haven't time for that, there's so
many things I simply have to buy
Philadelphia Press.
Wife with determined air)--1 want
to see that letter. Husband-What let
ter? Wife-That one you just opened.
know by the handwriting that It is
from a woman, and you turned pale
when you read it. will see it: Give 1t
to me, sir. Husband-Here it is; it's
your milliner's bill.-Fun.
Just the Same: Bobby-Mamma, IL
God is as good as you say he is, why
doesn't he always answer our prayers?
Mamma-He does, Bobby, when they,
deserve to be answered. Bobby-Well,
prayed that 4 might not steal any
more jam out Of the buffers pantry,
but it didn't make any difference
Life. Is. =. ~ =: r. .,=zs.s
"Hc's quite a prominent politician
here, is he not?'' inquired the visiting
Briton. "Oh, no; he's a statesman"
replied the native. "Well, what's the
di6erence?' "A statesman, my dear
sir, is one who is in politics because
he has money. A politician IS one who
has money because he Is in politics.
Philadelphia Press.
d Accommodating: Como back as
soon as possible said her mistress to
Maggie, who was going home in re-
Spouse to telegram saying her. mother
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