West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-03-14
MR.. BOWsER's
TRlBULATIONS.
Why He VIII Not Respond TO the Toas,
OF sour Country"

It. He was i'll at case all through
dinner, and it was quarter of an
hour after the meal had been con
cluded before he said
al might as well tell you now
that | am going to the club to
morrow night. 1t viii be an ami.
versary gathering and a banquet
"WelI, l hope you'll have a good
time" replied Mrs. Bowser.
Eyes, l expect to. At the ban
quct they will have toasts, you
know. They've got me down to
respond to one"
"Why. Pm pleased at that.
What is the toast ? 7"
"Irs Our Country I've been
writing out something to-day for a
response and l think I've got a
rather neat thing. | don't expect
to bring down the house, of course,
but perhaps I'll size up with the
best of 'em. shall be little ner-
vous, | suppose, but I've got to 60
through with it just the same"
81 am sure you will do splendid
ly," SAID Mrs. Bowser in confident
tones. 81 want to hear i, and it
will be well for you to see if you
have committed it to memory.
Just stand there as if you had risen
from the banquet table and make
the response"
Mr. Bowser drew himself up,
cleared his throat, and after cares
sing his ear few seconds he began;
"Our country. Little did Chris
topher Columbus imagine when he
set sail from the shores of Spain in
1894 what would be the result"
"Wait, DEAR" interrupted Mrs.
Bowser. "You are first supposed
to bow to the president of the club,
aren't you
Certainly, and bowed. | also
carried my hand to my heart as l
bowed"
"But you didn't, dear. You
raised your left hand to your right
side"
81 deny it; but wen let that go. {"
"And Columbus didn't set sail in
the year 1894, but in 1892. You
must have the date correct"
"What You say it was in 1892 :"
exclaimed Mr.. Bowser, as the straw
berry color rushed to his face.
"Of course it was"
81 don't believe it, but will look
it up later on. Well, what Pm go
ing to say is that a band of Pilgrims
came over here"
"ThaFs right"
"And they landed in Boston"
"Not Boston, my dear, but at
Plymouth Rock. Ii is so long since
you read history that"
al say it was Bos,onl" shouted
Mr.. Bowser as he danced about.
"Woman, when you set out to cor
rect my dates you are going alto
gether to far and l want no more of
it. If they landed at Plymouth
Rock how came they to throw tee
overheard in Boston harbor?"
"But it wasn't the pilgrims who
threw the tea overheard" gently
insisted Mrs. Bowser. GAS l said,
you are little rusty on history.
Don't you remember"
al remember it was the Pilgrims
Let any man on the face Of the
earth tell me it wasn't and I'll lick
him out of his boots. Do you think
I'd get up before my club and say it
was the Pilgrims if it wasn't? You'd
better spend the next week with
your nose in a history"
"Have you got the Declaration
Of independence in your reply7 ."
asked Mrs. Bowscr after awhile.
"Of course I have" he growled
in reply. "Thars what depend
upon for hit; but / suppose yourl
find some fault with it. 60 on to
say that little band Of patriots.
headed by general Washington, gath
cred in Philadelphia and put their
names TO document which created
a new nation. You'll deny it, won't
your"
"Bub you see, Washington didn't
sign the Declaration"
"What WHAT Dare you sit
there and make such barefaced
statement as that2 Any school
child win tell you that Washington
signed FIRST of aiI."
Gust wait I win get down a
history Of the United States and
prove that you arc wrong. You
have got John Hancock and
George Washington mixed OPP"
"Ncvcr, Mrs. Bowscr-ncvcr ,
You needn't trouble yourself about
getting down p history am bis.