Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-06-28

indications. Town Topics.
Some publisher is missing golden
opportunity in neglecting to bring out
''The Love Letters of Brigham Young"
-Ex.
why are the feelers of butterfly
like the seeds in California Granger"
"Give 1t up." Because they're an
tennae."-Ex.
Was One: Mrs. Empeck-You acted
like fool when you proposed to me.
Empeck-That wasn't acting, my dear.
Town and Country.
Charles Loveday-Um, ali. Err. err
er! Err! he! he-r' Jeweler Ito bis
assistant)-B Bring that tray Of engage
ment-rings here, Henry.-Tit-Bits.
Fred-I had a fall last night which
rendered me unconscious for several
hours. Ed-You don't mean it? Where
did you fall? Fred-I fell asleep.-Tit-
Bits.
Molly-My little sisters got the
measles. Jimmie-Oh! So has mine.
Molly-Well. I'll bet you my little sis
ter's got more measles than yours has.
Tit Bits.
what is the difference between the
cannibals and Mark Twainy" 'sThe
cannibals enjoy cold missionary, while
Mark Twain likes the missionaries
hot."-Life.
On Board Ship: "Can / bring you up
some luncheon, sir?" what! Lunch
already? Why, it doesn't seem more
than fifteen minutes since breakfast
came upY-Life.
How She Proves 1t; Maggie says
she's Daughter of the Revolution -
"Can she prove it7' 'Sure Her faith
er runs merry -go-round. d."-Phlladel-
phfa Evening Bulletin.
Right Up in Line: Same old presen.
tation of Uncle Toms Cabin / sup
poser" mot much; we've worked in
an automobile collision and plantation
rummage sale. detroit Free Press.
Not an Asylum: Visitor-It must be
very convenient to have an asylum
right in the heart of your city. New
York Policeman-Asylum! That is the
Stock Exchange.-Ohio State Journal
Strong-willed: Kind Lady-It must
be hard to get along without working
Tramp indeed it is, ma'am; yet have
no idea how strong de tem'tation ter
go to work is, sometimes. s.-Brooklyn
Life.
Twofold: Sniffs-There is more sir
in Chicago than any other city on the
face of the earth. Snuffs-I beg leave
to differ. Sniffs-I defy you to name
another with more sin in it!' Snuffs-
Cincinnati.-Ex.
-Distingue: "She comes of a grand
old family, believe ~ yes, very! Ar
ancestor of hers was beheaded in the
Tower during the reign of the fourth
EdwardH' How perfectly lovely!-
Detroit Journal.
How much does member of tn,
Legislature get in this State ?" inquired
the tourist. His salary" answered
Farmer Corntossei. lis three dollars {
day. Nobody knows how much h,
gets. ."-Washington Star.
Suited to a Tee: Fox Ito bear)-
Come over tomorrow. and we'll play
game of golf on the links. Bear-Al
right. l don't know what the game is
but If there's any job you can put III
on the lynx I'm in with you Bostol
Herald.
His Training: How did Spudkin
! get his appointment as Brigadier-Gen
) eral? I never knew that he was cor
nected with the army % ..Oh, yes. b;
marriage; his brother-in-law is
t United States Senator."-Town an
|, Country. szzz5z
;, AsGreat Preface: Publisher fea
e Eyour book is too short; it consists 0
' only forty pages. Author-Oh. el
plain all that in the preface. Publishe
What length is It? Author-Fiye hur
dred pages. sir.-C Columbus (Ohfo) Stat
journal.
' Teacher-Now, Tommy. suppose 70
j had two apples, and you gave anethe
' boy his choice of them, you would te
him to take the bigger one. wouldn
. you? Tommy-No, mum. Teacher
, Why? Tommy-'Cos twouldn't be me-
] essary. y.-Tit-Bits
d Their Favorite Diet: .The bulls an
q bears in Wall street are all carniyorou
i animals" remarked the horse editor |
r the snake editor. Indeed Y' "Ye
e they are fond of spring lamb wit
: United States mint e.'-Pittsbul
e Chronicle-Telegraph.
Il Mrs. Innocence (fnding poker-chil
= in her husbands pockets)-Dea m
$ isn't George too thoughtful for an,
+ thing! i told him to buy something
0 amuse the baby, and here he hs
d brought home these pretty coiore
disks.-Philadelphia Record.
9 Philosopher: Wife-There's
a burglar down cellar, Henry. Husbar
II well, my dear, we ought to be than
full that we are upstairs. Wife-Bl
: he'll come up here. Husband-The
we'll go down cellar. my dear. Surel
a ten-room house ought to be b
enough to hold three people withol
I crewding. Free Press.
The Bliss of Ignorance: Nagger
Did you see the President about yo'
! appointment when you were in Was
j ington? Noodleman-No, but sa
his Secretary. He told me that Il
| President had remarked when the ma
ter of my appointment came up tn
III was persona non grata.' Nagger
i And what does that mean? Noodlemi