The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1901-08-08

Il WAS ALSO PHILOSOPHER
In your place | would hat my plug hat
ind gold headed cane in -four weeks.
| know more ash ten t'ousand peoples
who like cement patches on DER shoes,
but dey don't come TO you because you
don't haf some brains. 1t yhas sor-
rowful to see n man sit still ind go by
der p~oorhouse."
But What can | do?. | says.
Il Will tell you. Did you eafer hear
of dot man named Diogenes!'
"Did he liz in Philadelphia p
"No, sir. He Ifs in Greece n long
time ago. ind he vhas a philosopher.
Dot man yhas so poor dot he Ifs in a
tub und eats turnips, but ny und by
he vhas reech ind famous. 1t vhas all
py his philosophy. You know What phi
losophy is, don't your
's0f course. If you haf a boil on your
leg. you must be glad dot it amt on
your reck."
"Exactly-exactly. Well. Hans. you
shall be n philosopher. You shall put
oop signs on der walls, und | shall tell
ell der peoples. ind In a leetle time
eaferypody Will be talking aboudt
Hans der Philosopher. In two weeks
so mooch work comes in dot you shall
hire two men TO help you. In one
month all der dago cobblers vhas gone
out Of peesness. You keep a leetle
quiet ind we spring a surprise On der
pooblic."
l don't know aboudt him. ind my
wife don't know aboudt him. but may
pc she vhas all X. q. In two days dot
butcher makes me feefry signs To hang
oop. ind he tells more ash one hoon-
cred peoples dot | Was Hans der Phi
losopher. | don't get my shop open in
der morning before a a kicks on der
door. When he ome in. he says:
Hello. Hans, SO you vhas going In
to beat old Diog. eh? | like dot. |
shall read your signs ind bring In som
shoes to be fixed"
He looks all aroundt und reads. und
pooty queek he says:
How vhas dis? Maybe you ike to
insult me. eh? Dot sign reads dot a
man NIT a third wife yhas llnng next
door to a fool. Do you mean dot |
vhas some fools because | yhas mar
ried three times?'
Il don't pellet | do. | SAYS.
"Nhell. What do you meanf'
Il mean some philosophy"
"0h. you do? Vhell. let me tell you
something's. | can lick you in one min
ute by some clocks. ind If you don't
take down dot sign pefore noon you
vhas a wrecked man. | haf some phi
losophy. too. und you better look oudt
for me-"
1t makes me feel bad dot ! lose my
first customer. ind | take dot sign
down. In ten minutes q woman comes
in nit two shoes 10 be fixed for seexfy
cents. She vhas IN old customer. und
| like her.
so you vhas some philosophers. eh.'
she says to me ash she looks aboudt.
Il vhas."
so vhas |. ind I shall bring you all
my shoes TO cohble. Let me read some
signs. Ha, ha. But What you mean by
dot sign which reads dot bleached hair
und brain fever don't lie on der same
pillow"
- AoS HAi'tSSEfAat . says
"oh, Il vhas, 1t vhas philosophy TO
Insult Your customers. vhas itTa
But | don't iasult you. womans.'
but you do. My hair vhas bleached
because | like to be a blond. und dot
sign means | don't hat any brains. Glf
me back dose shoes. You may be some
philosopher all right. but ! take my
work 10 some dago who don't make
fun of me. Cobbler. you yhas a bold.
bad man, ind If you 81 me one more
word | Will wreck dis shop und break
your heart"
When dot womans goes oudt. my
wife comes in und says dot butcher
vhas a fool und Will drift us into hank
ruptcy. 1t looks dot vhay 10 me. too.
but ! don't do nottings before a feIler
In und shouts oudt;
Good morning. old philosopher, How
you vhas? Dot butcher vhas telling
me aboudt her. ind ! vhas glad OF II.
What dis locality WANTS is a philoso-
pher. und ! pellet you make a big
sooccess. You haf got oop some signs.
Ell? Well. I read EN- oafer ind den
prlng you in some work"
He reads for two minutes md den
says:
'See here. cobbler. can you make
some peesness Ply insulting custom
ersg'