The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-11-10
A BOOK OF ONE JOKE.
Only One Jest and That a Borrowed
One in the external City"

Only One Jest and That Borrowed
One in the eternal CITY,
Has the gentle reader noticed that there
is only one joke in all the dreary pages
o. "The Eternal City, and that that
joke is repeated twice? And does he
know further that the joke was old long
before Mr. Hall Game was born? Here
are Mr.. Gaines two versions:
First-Francesca Maria, the deaf
mother-in-law of one Bruno is being in
structed how she shall appear as wit
ness before possible tribunal of justice.
'Fhey won't catch you" will they.
nother?" shouted Bruno
THAT they won't! I'm deaf, praise the
saints, and can't hear Them
Beautiful dispensation of Providence
in a witness! Let me examine you
mother. Three questions the police ask a
woman to begin with
.Eh?"
''Three questions bawled Bruno
Whats your name and your fathers
name, how old are you, and how many
children have you got? Now, let's see
how you know your lesson. How old are
You, mother?''
Francesca Maria fu Giuseppe"
answered the old woman.
my mistake mother How many chill
dren nave you got!
f'Sixty-seven, your worship"
Excellent witness!'> said Bruno, and
he laughed until he cried.
Second-The old woman is actually
dragged before court, with this result:
francesca Maria Mariotti!'' cried the
usher, and the old deaf mother of Bruno s
wife was brought into court. She wore
colored handkerchief on her head. as
usual and two shawls over her shoulders,
but looked cold and nervous. Being a
relative of the prisoner. She was not
sworn.
''Your name and your fathers name?"
said the president.
Francesca Maria Mariotti,' she an
swered.
~ said your fathers name
''Seventy-five, your exceHency.
81 asked you for your fathers name.
'sNone at ALL your. excellency.
A Gardiner explained that the woman
was nearly stone deaf, whereupon the
president who was irritated %by the
laughter his questions had provoked,
ordered the woman to be removed.
Now. well do l remember that when
as a boy L studied French according to
the Ollendorf method I came ACROSS an
anecdote in that genial compiler's book
whereat my lungs did crow like chan
ticleer (for, as I say, l was mere boy).
And the anecdote ran as fonoWs:
certain alien, gigantic in height but lg-
norant of the German language, had been
introduced to the giants brigade, winch
was the pet of Frederick of Prussia. The
recruit had been instructed that at the
annual inspection the king would ask
him three questions: "How old are you?
s'EIow long have you been in the army?
Are you satisfied with your pay and
YOUR prospects?'' He had been painfully
drilled in the right answers Unfortu-
nately the king began at the wrong end
by asking:
'How long have you been in the ar
my?'
seTwenty-seven years, please your
majesty answered the raw recruit.
'sGott i'm Himmel,' cried the elector.
'IIow old are your
Zone year, please your majesty.
Thereat the ruler grew Wroth. Are
you insane, or am I?' he shouted.
ssBoth, ant please your majesty re-
piled the recruit. imperturbably
You see, tbs exactly the same joke in
another form
And Mr.. Stanley Weyman, some eight
or nine years ago, used variant OF the
same old joke rather closer to Mr.:
Gaines form. In "a Gentleman of
SoA~NASi'
ing been wounded, applies to hospital
attached to religious house in that part
of the town. The father had opened to
him. but before taking him in put ac-
cording to their custom, certain questions
Matthew had been primed with the right
answers to these questions, which We're
commonly a form; but. unhapptiy for
him. the superior, by cnance or mistake,
began with the wrong one:
You are not a Huguenot, my son?' he
said.
In Gods name, ami Matthew re-
Piled with simplicity, believing he was
asked if he was a Catholic.
WHAT, the scandaliZed prior ejaeulat-
ed, crossing himself in doubt, are you
not true son of the church,"
''Neveri" quoth our deaf friend-think-
ing all went well.
"a hereticl'' cried the monk.
''Amen to thatr' replied Matthew inno-
Gently, never doubling but what he was
asked the third question. which was, COM
monty, whether he needed aid.
GeIIett Burgess I'm Poetry.
~ ybO frSf