davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1901-12-13
ADS.


fga1aIaa e11-lafs
ABSTRACT or TITLE
oabonNi4 TiiEMrGn q co. Inc. AZ.
street Co. established 1883 MinihR
claim abstracts. iiHasfnaut ~ the MI
mal fAfe building
BOOTH WHlTTLgHEY. ftANfUHp AZ.
nirari Co, established 1869. basement Of
Halter block Telephone Main lb'.
aHAr'fLD Abstract 60. ~ 8. block.
ARCHITECTS
=. j. boNOHoE 4 JAS. j. DONNEtl4AN.
haHuclsts afehiirein. steel ana htgpfnW
conjunction specially. suite plt ~.
emo block, fsatils. Phone, James lo@l
JOHN GitAnAM. aso.a2i GLOBE Blk Tei,
James 222i,
10. W. uoupnTON. tia.i7 collins.
ATfouNErs-AT-LAW
WIN H. hurfNEh. attorney ~ law. suits
prosecuted ana defended in nil courts, ~
9rnfh experience. Proceedings W bhnh.
turt,g COMPANIES inqofbofa,ited. sh.,' a'is
ell parts ~ The United States Highest
commercial aud bank references, Oh
Ihlrd avenue. Phone, Main 100
Alexander a MARTA go Mutual hfe.
FRANK -. WHEELING. iioston block.
>. a. KELLOGG 80 HALEY huiiding.
W. y. LAMnuri. aoi-s faciao BLOCK.
A ~ MACDONALD. 400 Burke building
ROOT PALMER a brown, Pioneer bid
y. ., coNovnit. t2.Aa ilailer building.
LYMAN D., KNAPP. 10 Haiisr building.
q WAND KEMp. aa2 Burks building.
J. ". pouuf.Ah. so7 New Yoft BLDG
HORACE PETER. SIS Kew York blk
PIERRE y. PERRY. $50 Burke block.
y. ~ LAS0LAND. hos n. Y. block
AtorfosEfeas
JOE MARTIN. general anc,ionser ana
st4aEe. 22i9 tst ave Tel. Oak Ti5
AUCTION SALES
v, ~ hickGnfoN. general Suoiionssf.
1912 First avenue
BANKS
The csnadIas sask Of cemmeres
Capital paid up .....s.....+...,.fs ". CO... 90
daE6l milton doIlars)
Hufnias ftstt. 4.ttt+..s..ss.tss.. t1.rpp 900
Interest allowed % time deposits gen
efal banking business transacted
snATriE nHANcH Corner Of James
street and Second avenue.
u, a. CAMERON. Manager.
PuuFr SOUND NATIONAL RANK or
SEATTLE.
gspl'ol stock paid IN $4,000. surplus. ssa.-
}. rsrth. prss , D. Goldsmith. vice
Correspondents % pfincipai cities IN the
unitsd States and Europe.
fEorfJgA HAVfN0s nANK
hregud avenue and fike street Capitol
paid w. tifups. D. g. Seufeldsf. pres.
}. u. haytea cash. r. urusnisaf Asst.
eAHh Commercial savings ana trust basi-
ness,
Scandinavian American Bank
- Seattle, A general banking business
transacted. Deposits o. BOO 0sa A C'hll.
t~fEi Ffrs " =. 1fundHhl. nfst vice pfes.
A. ~ eeeiisrE. cash !, y. iAne. asst.
cash No hfanctes.
National Bank Of Commerce.
Paid az capital .....s tis1.o
IrarsAeta ssnrrAi banking business. ~ r.
lfsHfy. pres. ~. ~ Ht@acsF. eash. Eafa
dspoaii vaults tor rsat.
ests peposis saais Boxer tor Rsa.
TtfE Ffitsr NATIONAL BANK or
hi2AI-Ti.ta
Paid 40 capital .s... firo Goo.
gsnsfaf hAaAlns business transacted J,
~, HaEs. IT, pgwH N. MeMirhsn. vic.
ffses l. Turner, eash.. u. D. FafkhuFst.
asst cAzh EachanGS On Drinnilai cities
a y. n AMI E4fups.
"A
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1901-12-13
Innnrrn ,.nr,nrn

fpp1IS0 nof'wtcs
'Nk hhln-~Ne hAvs a few high-claas
lodging houses. nos the Efna tfas az.
usually filied with ''dumnles' and a I'D
81 cheap s~cpnt hand furniture. ntfst
expressly 20 catch the ur1rrahistinafs.a
pfFanKsst but Auuin established rrputahis
ana xeei qarlns iuvsfifnsafx that ~ an
seteY reeatntn1ui 1Trnsa A msFt can
inFentnrn, Co. DE Ttini avenue.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1901-12-13

t76 10 si.s a Lot
last. NV
$50
For a choice lot on Cherry street. In EASY
WANING distance from Pioneer place
s97H
We have Just one lot left on Beacon nm
e. this price This II tn a rnoa i6ssa.
Ton with splendid view. one block fr5m
NORTHWEST TRUST & SAFE Deposit
CO..
Real Estate Department.
VV-p' Columbia ST. Tel. Main ESQ,
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1901-12-13
Port Orchard Route

Daily service. effective Sept. 10. 1901.
HFrm.rton az, a. Navy Yard and
Dry Dock. Charleston and sidney.
NTEAMFRH
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1901-12-13
ELEtThlCAL MACHINERY

IhlchsoN a WYMAN co. dynamos ana
motors lhs'a ~ heus, wiring ana bell
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1901-12-13

ScandinayIan- American Bank

- Seattle general banking business
tfansarted uvpeslis 81. tooo op. A. Chll-
t~fEt Ffrs " =. nfundahl nfst vice pfus. :
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-12-02

to who
are thin want flesh few satisfied
can work himself
uphemim calls good figure
than little generous
her with too much wealth Of embOnpOnt and
oD Not long ago met celebrated
together little compliment
marked but you $ SOL much more to ove@ @
ms In In ENGLAND they hydp95ho other
they cure The process is not pleasant they
e da r Hsu tel fe a S ' that and a make y9a s
fun hose? asked Oh replied
animal in even
inquire have cure for that disease Have your
m il fresh and % I ann 0I 2 ms @ AL the nq b OF that week
way Thafs one Of the treatments Some would prefer stoutness comes
with from
Of course there . difficulty about s we all Of have
packing portion
UNPLEASANT Then they you meat
like he liked
tween you've got 90 up flights stairs for drop
5 to dst 53sEs 90tsr way to o qq keep ga
and the s will be full and beautiful the figure firm and erect and no
Certainly for those Of US who are enjoying the early middle age it holds
farther my readers profit
She declared the physical salvation of the human race and of the
way excellent dinner doing
a lea OF WI
all 5
Of meat are a o OF
that bulk in food to be avoided for life especially
in
fit with quantity of food
Meathe
should be entirely avoided
vegeta andf fruit
a
is
Of
fnent and
health beautiful
in Is Salisbury,
sc
only ffrvo forty moreye Of lie to
in
o will be of life MAX OEtElLlA
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-12-02

stop the ravages d contagious diseases
such as is now affe tins5 Salt Lake City
We have lost too many of our precious
jewels not to be awake to the danger OF
the growing diseases now established
so near Us; and if the Salt Lake people
want to make fun over the matter they
can If they will. but we want to use all
the wisdom heaven has given us to pre-
vent the spread of these diseases"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-12-02
ADJUSTMENTS.


Company II minstrels viii parade
with Held's band at noon today. The
iiress rehearsal yesterday afternoon
found an enthusiastic lot of entertain
.ers well prepared in a programme of
fun and music. The initial perform
Pnce tonight at the Theatre win be at
tended by the governor and staff and
Fort Douglas officers, besides an audi
'snee of large proportions, judging from
The story at the box Office.
The New Grand theatre has as its
attraction for the fun week, beginning
tonight. a farce comedy knowp as
Hunting for Hawkins" The piece was
written by a Chicago newspaper man
'and has been a success.
Tickets are selling rapidly for the
Gates recital tonight Both Miss Gates
and Miss Dales. the violiniste of the
occasion, are in prime readiness to. du-
|phcate previous. successes.
The advance sale for the Maconda
concert, which viii be one of the three
big musical events of the week, opens
tomorrow at Daynes' music store The
NPe@eN uiAuCA liAc SdAlcIltS dlUiic VIII Nc
used for general admission, the re-
mainder of the downstairs and the gal
leries being reserved. Popular prices
prevail for the occasion. It will doubt
AS be a brilliant event.
Miss Bridewell. a sister of Mrs. Kate
BrideweH Anderson, viii appear in
salt Lake in a concert the latter part
|of the week. Miss Bridewen is a mem
Iber of the Grau Metropolitan Opera
company To hear her viii prove a
treat TO local music lovers.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-12-02

That veteran pTOspector and miner. j.
Hayes Cook, who died here some days
ago, left lot of friends in southern Utah
TO mourn him. Among them is the editor
of the Beaver Clipper. He says:
Poor old Hayes Many q time has the
writer sat at the freside of the veteran
prOspectOr amid the lonesome hills and
enjoyed the quaint homely philosophy
which made him so well known. In ap-
pearance he was the rough. griZZled pro-
duct Of IS years OF life among the rough
elements of the western border; but five
minutes conversation revealed a mine or
education. born OF books and experience,
and a fund of shrewdness embellished by
the characteristic humOr always accom-
panying it. Generous, hosDitable, a ready
story teller. he will be sadly missed
about Milford where his bent form and
ever present cane and pipe became as
familiar as the local land marks. Hayes
is but another of the veteran miners
swiftly passing on, to whom Beaver
county owes the discovery of her great
mineral wealth. Success came to them
but spaTingly. but their efforts have made
possible The developments which now con
front US. They have performed their al
lotted work. Peace ana rest to their
souls
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-12-02
IN AND ABOUT UTAH.

The people OF Sewer county learned
sOmething from the earthquake says che
Echo; The people Of this town are putt
ling IN lumber gables I'm place Of the
PRICK OF stone that was knocked out by
he earthquake BY the way. frame
.louses are much more popular than they
we're cou1le Of weeks ago. The solid
nd substantial reputation enjoyed by
PRICK and stone structures has been Sc
'ersly fractured"
All over the state citizens will rejoice
n know that Alma Eldredge is not dead.
ne has only been sleeping The Coal
B ille Times says; Things were quite
Vely on the street here Wednesday
stternoon. Some men were trying 70
4Eeigh some beef steers on the People
lercantile c0mpany's scales and one Of
pc animals became so mad he made a
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-12-02

wild rush at Alma Eldredge and came
near striking him with his horns" Maybe
Bre'r Eldredge looked good enough 10
eat.
The Salina Sun is kicking over the mis-
use of the word politician" Editor
Howard says it's true meaning has been
lost He continues. las the word poll
tician is generally understood it means
shrewd trickster who knows how to
manipulate the conventions, and when he
secures Office expends his energy in re
pairing his fences and building them
higher. The proper meaning of 'pOllti-
clan is 'one versed in the science OF gov
ernment.' Politician and 'office-seeker
are not synonymous terms, in fact, but
as commonly used
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-12-02

The Mt. Pleasant Pyramid is sl1eptieal
about reforms in salt Lake and takes
this editorial fall out Of us:
What's the matter with all those re-
forms promised ia Salt Lake before cleo
ton? All hands seem to have dropped the
reform business ana things are getting
back into the old ruts even this early IN
the day. Twas ever thus in the capital
city, and we rather guess that this bust
ness Will forever continue.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-12-02

Maybe the Sanpete citizens have been
entertaining angels uuawares' in the
clouds of grasshoppers that have in
Tested that fertile country. The Emery
County Progress says:
Nov that grasshoppers are compressed
into bricks and sold for poultry food, we
congratulate our Sanpete neighbOrs. 1t
takes time to discover blessings when
they appear in the form of long legged
insects. and then some more time to APP
preciate them. III the things don't set
mean. now and develop a delicate con-
stitution our neighbors are assured CT
one great crop that they can bank on.
May the grasshopper brick prove d better
thing for the honest farmer than the
gold brick has been
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-12-02

The Tooeie Transcript has this sensible
editorial anent the controversy between
the Salt Lake and Tooele boards of
health.
Instead OF cities and health boards
getting jealous over such actions they
should unite their wisdom in trying to
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-12-02

Bad luck always comes in chunks, APP
parently. This. at least, was the expert
ence of a Heber family. The Wave tells
of the troubles Of Thomas ClotwOrthy
as follows:
Saturday seems to have been a very
unlucky day at the home of thomas
Clotworthy. A 5-year-old boy fell from
a window in the barn and run rusty
nail through his hand His parents had
just returned from the Doctors where
they had the boys hand dressed, when
their daughter Mary, about II years of
age. tainted and fell from the porch, cut
ting her head, The doctor was called in
and expressed a 1gar that 1t might re
suit in conoussion of the brain, but she
has greatly improved and is now all
right again
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-12-02
ladies' Make Yourselves
Beautiful By Max OReN

n EoPLE, especially, to
are thin
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-12-02

Those Dixie people are certainly among
the earth's specially favored. Says the
Advocate. published at St George:
Last Monday the ADVOCATE was pre-
scented with two Of the biggest strawber-
ries ever produced Ia any country They
were about the size of ordinary plums. a
dozen CT such would have supplied
lucious dish The fruit was grown By
Mrs. COnger just north of town, having
just ripened. To think that Strawberries
can be matured at, this season Of the
year :. indeed remarkable the editor
would have enjoyed the treat more If
some ripe cream and sugar had been
handy.
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1901-01-26

"Almanaris' Is used on all trans
oceanic steamers as a preventive OF
sea. sickness, nausea, and Is an auxil.
larry to a delightful voyage.
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1901-01-26
4 United Party Will 01artb Solidly Behind Him
to the Polls on Elec.
ton Day
While Tbousapds Of Republicans and All the Independents Will
Join Hands to Help Swell His
Big Majority

small taxpayers. This can best be u,
complished by making rich tax.dodg
pay their Just dues.
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1901-01-26

n payroll aggregatlng $1S1,7G6 per
annum.
The County COmptrollers" Office has
payroll aggregating $l6,S4O per
annum.
The "Clerk Of the County Court" pay
roll aggregates $2S,334 per annum.
Total drawn on payrolls sworn tn by
Phil KnOpf, $2?G,0i0.
Reform Is necessary.
FOllOwingis lisa complete list Of the Jobs
In the various branches of Phil KnOpf's
baillwlck, with the monthly salaries
attached:
Comptroller's Ofiice-Deputy comp.
troller 0nd clerk of County Board,
S333.33; chief clerk and bOokkeeper,
$50: minute clerk and record writer,
$2OS.33; bill clerk, $1O6.6G; assistant
boOkkeeper, $50; cashier, 1925: comp.
troller's clerk, 1928; jaultress, $45. To-
tai salaries, SlG,S4O.
County Clerks Office--Ch' IF deputy,
$3.50; cashier, $2OS.33; boOkkeeper,
SlGG.GG; deputy, redemption depart.
ment, $50; nine assistant deputies, re.
dcmption department, 1925; receiving
clerk, 1925; deputy, tax sales, S125;
deputy, tax extension, $20S.33; assist.
ant deputy, tax extension, $50; assist.
ant deputy, tax extension and railroad
tax, Sl25; railroad warrant clerk, $l25;
mail clerk, $780, deputy, marriage II,
cense, $3.50; two assistant deputies
marriage license, each 1925; deputy, vi.
tai statistics, Sl25; map clerk, $l37
three assistant map clerks, 500; vault
clerk, first, 500; vault clerk, second
SO; vault clerk, books and papers
$l25; stenographer, 500; Waterman
day, $50; Waterman, night, SO; 1O3 ex
ira men on tax extension, special as
sessments and tax sales, ETC., at SD Il
"a per day, according 10 qualification
SIPS, 800; total salaries, S1Sl,76U.
Clerk Of County Court-Chief clerk
S2Os.33; clerk, assistant County Judge
s21s.33; assistant chief clerk, $3.50
cashier and bOokkeeper. S1G6.6G; recOrt
writer, $50; assistant record writer
$l25; process clerk, $3.50; recordin.
clerk, Sl25; two minute clerks. eacl
lSll7.50; general clerk, $125; seven eX
ira men on special assessment work, a
50 ana 81 per day, SS,TGi; total salaries
S2S334,
The Sheriff, who Is said to have /,
rakeolf Of $4,000 per year from tn,
jail dieting bills has rousing OLE
payroll, which the new County Boart
should pay some attention TO.
Here are the figures
Sherlff's Ofiice-Chef deputy, $500
assistant sheriff, $500; jaller, $500; tw,
assistant jallers, 1925; two inspectors
each, $500; twenty-elght deputies, each
$4,000; real-estate clerk, $50; execu
ton clerk, $50; summons clerk, $3.50
assistant summons clerk, Sl25; genera
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1901-01-26

County Clerk.
Clerk of the County Court,
County Comptroller and Clerk of the
County Board.
Lorimer's Tenth Ward Lieutenant
James Monaghan. is Knopf's Deputy
Comptroller and Clerk of the County
Board. and this man is paid for his
nominal duties $4,000 per year.
A few years ago the duties of this
job were well performed by one man.
who received but $1,000 per year, and
who had but one assistant.
But in order to curry favor with
Lorimer, Knopf appointed Jim Mon.
Afghan to the place. and he receives
$4,000 per year. and has an office full
of assistants. as is shown further on.
Monaghan's salary Of $4,000 per year
Is greater than that of any man EN-.
ployed in the public service of the State
of Illinois. with the exception of the
Governor himself.
But the people have to stand It.
Knopf and Lorimer have so willed Il.
knopf's chief clerk in the County
Clerks office gets $1,000 per year.
while the chief clerk in the big Record
er's office only gets $500 per year. rs
does also the chief clerk in the Offices
of the Superior, Circuit, Probate and
Criminal Courts.
But KnOpf doesn't care about saving
the peoples money, SO his man gets
more than any of them.
a few years ago there was but one
marriage license clerk at 81, 800 a year.
Now there Is a chief marriage license
clerk at $1.SOO, and two assistants at
S1,5OO each.
This Is probably to help out IN
Knopf's marriage bureau which Is
connected with the license department
Phil Knopf's payrolls eat up S22G,OiC
a year!
How is that for high?
When It Is understood that three
fourths Of the men on them can be dis
pensed with. isn't It high time for the
County Board to interfere?
The County Clerks Office itself la.
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1901-01-26

clerk, 1925: three office clerks, each,
800; two Office clerks, each. SS3.33; Jail
clerk. 1925: assistant Jail clerk. $3.50;
ninety-six bailiffs, each, S10J; forty.two
jail guards. each, SS333; stenographer,
500; office Waterman, sos; three Jail
matrons. each, $50; teacher In Jail, $40;
laundress. $40; two elevator men Grim
inal Court Building for carrying prison.
ers, each, $15; engineer and elevator
man, SIS: total salaried list in sheriff's
Office not classified, $261, O2O.
Custodian Of Courthouse and Employ.
cs-Custodian, $50; clerk, 500; eight
elevator men. each, $75; twelve watch.
men. each, $65; fifteen janitors. each,
$50; four window cleaners. each, 500;
head janitress, $50. 80; twenty janitress.
es, each S45; chief engineer. $50; three
assistant engineers, each, ST5; five fire
men, each, $50; fireman for six months
$50; pumpman, $50; two carpenters
each. SSS.4O; coal passer, $50; plumber
S1O4; steamftter at Courthouse and
Criminal Court, $1O4; assistant to same
sG5. Total salary fund, SGO,337.GO.
Custodian Of Criminal Court Building
and NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. $50; -four
elevator men, each, $50; eight watch
men, each, s65; ten janitors, each, $50
two window cleaners, each. $50; four
teen mattresses, each, S45; chief engi
neer, $50; three assistant engineers
each, $50: five firemen, each, $50; fire
man for six months, $50: pumpman and
elevator repairer, $75; two carpenters
each, SSS.4O; plumber, $1O4; coal passer
$50. Total salaries, Sal, 2S0.GO.
| Just think Of II!
For merely Hooking after" the Court
House for a year, over 100000.
IL this isn't extravaganza, what Is?
BY the way. how Is 1t that the "Coun
~ Comptroller's' payroll contains pro
vision for a janitress, and the "Cus
todian's" payroll provision for twenty
more?
Looks strange. doesn't It?
The new County Board has grea'
work In front of It.
Reform Is necessary.
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1901-01-26

The Republican party kas dn awful
record 10 30 before the people On IN the
spring.
The extravaganza OF the KnOpf-I ari.
mer crowd iHthe county offices is some
thing fearful,
The gang who are now holding up the
taxpayers Of Cook County are the most
barcfaccd ana audacious in their meth,
DDS of any taX-caters we have even
heard Of.
At the head Of the avarlclous assert
nicnt Of political cormorants Is the
County Clerk, the notorious Phil Knopf
KnOpf has succeeded in having Tho
salaries Of his pets raised until they are
the best-pald set Of public employees IN
the United States.
Phil Knopf holds three offices him
self, To wit:
Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1901-01-26

Retrenchment In the County Clerks
office.
Reductions In the County Comptrol.
ler's Office.
Economy In the Clerk Of the County
Courts office,
Are demanded Of the new County
Board.
The sherlff's dieting bills must be cut.
The Sherlff's payrolls must be re.
duced.
The "Custodlan's" rolls must be
weeded out.
The Republican party has raised the
taxes Of the people to feed Its favorltes.
The people will get even when they
go to the polls In the spring.
Since the people commenced talking
about investigating the County Clerks
office. we do not hear very much about
special Grand Juries from the IRE
formers"
~9A
Most of the Republican Mayoralty
candidates appcay to think more of
the postmastership than they do of
any other job.
lIOu. Charles WernO, Alderman from
the Twenly'trst Ward, has made n
most cnvlablc record. He will be re-
elected by an Increased majority,
~eA
| Heredity does not determine courage,
or Its opposite, but the constitutional
tendency may be clearly marked
through generations. 4 recent rescue
OF shlpwreckcd persons of Grand Ma
nan Is the subject Of a report from our
consul at st. John, New Brunswick.
During n period of more than seventy
I'VE years, grandfather. father and sons
OF certain family have repeatedly
saved life Or plotted vessels out of dan
ger. II Is said that the Canadian gov
eInment is 10 give the rescucrs suitable
testimonials, The whole world Is a
debtor to lis heroes OF peace. 70
strengthen the courageous purpose of
others by brave doing or enduring is
TO iuliil one purpose of living,
%eA
II cat shocked to death by clcctrlcl-
'y can be brought to life by the appli,
cation of an alternating electric cur
rent or low power the question Does
electrocution end all?" may become an
interesting one to our penolOgists.
%6~
With a man dead from being hanged
IN joke ana Il woman killed by sit
ting down at chair that was pulled
away, we do not need didn't-know-it
was-lOaded case to remind us that som,
folk are getting just too funny for any
thing but the pcnitentary.