The St. Johns herald., 1901-03-02

All the same we struck hard series of three-one deals an there was shrink
 age in our assets by the end of the week
 that would have had depressing in-
 fooehce on the bank of England. We
 could stand it, though. told you We
 had made a stake.
 Well. says to Joe: Tt ain't no use
 in spendin' our wealth all in one place.
 Let's give Omaha a touch of the sunny
 side of prosperity So we went on to Omaha and in two weeks more we was
 busted. Not plum busted, you under
 stand. We had about S1G,00o left be-
 tween us. It was little over that. be-
 cause that represented the exac'
 amount of our investment. It come
 about this way: We was a settin' in
 the bridal chamber of the best hotel
 in the place eatin' our dinner, which
 was roast turkey. I disremember the name of the hotel, an 1 don't see that 1t cuts any grass with you men. any way. I said we was eatin' roast tur- key an there ain't nobody can tempt me to eat roast turkey now, want to tell you. I killed man with a neck yoke in Pierre last year for just offer in me some. But then it was whole
 lot different an that turk tasted good.
 We didn't leave nothin' of it but the
 bones, an when we had<gOt to that
 pint Joe stretched back an, lettin' out all the slack there was in his belt,
 which wasn't too much. he says: 'Why can't we get turkey like that On the Pacific coast?'
 That gi' me the idee. When a man has idees 1t don't take stick of giant to blast them out in chunks that kin be handled. run my fork keerlessly through my ha'r. which wuz longer than what it is now, an I says: Why not buy turkeys here. drive them out to the coast an recoopcrate our shat tered fnancesr
 Joe fell in with my scheme an that evenin' we went out to the market an investigated. We was In luck, for the market was glutted with turkeys an they was goin' beggin' at 75 cents a head. l fggered that they would sell on the coast for a collar pound easy mn that they would average II pounds In weight. takin' them all through. So we jest put thnt whole SIG, ,0OO in the birds an started out.
 "They was easy enough to drive; there ain't a more tractable or docile bird on two legs than the turkey is. If it had been hens. now. 1 wouldn't never hare undertook it, but turkeys is all right. l jest put bell on the biggest one in the outfit an started him right, an the rest went goblin along after him Ii wuz as pretty a sight to see them turkeys on the road as ever you seen in your life. Twelve thousand five hundred of them, an not a straggler in the bunchl
 "Fedd2 We'll. what do you think? Wasn't there bugs on the road? T. reckon there was. It was a graeshop- per year. I want to tell you. and the way those turkeys fatted up was sin to snakes. Fourteen pounds! Why, there wasn't one of them tu, ks that wouldn't have tipped the scale at 25 in a week, an the bell turk an 1 the one that strapped the blankets an' the cookin' outfit onto-J wouldn't want to tell you what they did weigh.
 "No trouble about night herdin' As soon as it was surdown they would commenst lookin' around for a place to roost, an then they would. fly up into the trees, an we cou'd rest easy until the next nornin' We took the | old overland trail along the Platte out ; to Fort Laramie, an not hitch in the | arrangements. We could see how the folks in California was goin' to flock round us with their dust when we got | there. We could see ourse' yes in car rIages, with plug hats an spke-tail | coats an blooded stock. Hah! Do : you know what that would have brought us? It's easy. Putin it at the moderate estimate of a dollar a pound. an allowin' the average Of 25 |, pounds to the bird. there we were with a clean profit of SEATS on every one of them. or allowin' for possible : losses by death or misadventure, say s3O0.ooO on the outfit, It was a gol durned shame that we had to slip up on the~deal."
 The old mnn began to smoke his ! pipe in stolid silence, and the stock i tender winked at the stage agent. The : silence continued for half an hour. and was then broken by the stock tender remarking that it was about time for him tO feed them horses.
 "Yes," resumed the old man, placid. ly. "We slipped up on it. an it was : this way: You see, we had had lots of cottonwood trees all along the ! Platte. but when we started to cross the plains to Green river we noticed that the turkeys got bothered at | roasting time. They kep' twistin' their necks around lockin' fer some place to roost all night long an the next day some of them had necks like pretzel. When they tried to feed an took a shot at bug or grasshop- l per they would miss him from six inches to a foot on one side or the other. Joe allowed that they would learn to calculate the variation after awhile, but they got poorer an poor CT, so all there was to ii we he'd to take them back to the Platte 10 get the crick strengthened out wh oh they did in few days. But when We took !. them to the plains again we had the same old trouble, an. to make a long story short, we kep' drivin' them back an forth an back an fo tn until there wasn't any more to drive"
 ."What got away with them?" asked the stage agent.
 eve ct 'em. vou derned fool" re-