The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1901-12-29
A PRONUNCIATION TEST.
List of Words Which VIII Cause
You Many Surprises.

1t Is lamentable fact that disparate
opinions as TO pronunciation sometimes be-
come provocative of irascible behavior.
Often what ought to be a didactic joust
degenerates into alteration, amid a Tar
tartan avalanche of words Though decor
Gus dialectic is obligatory upon all dis
putants (and this truth is as applicable to
the amateur racOnteur and unlearned stu
dent as TO the exquisite diletante or sur
feited academician), TO orthoepic contro-
versy is occasionally due a melee Of loQua-
cious vituperation. The uuixotic sciolist,
who, with an aberrant halucination like
that OF Don Quixote de la Mancha, combats
a contemplative pedant arouses only a
futile and furious logomachy, from which
neither Machiavellian acumen nor abject
complaisance will save him.
Paresis, it may be abstractly and con-
notat1vely urged, is the only justifcatory
coroilary Of the intellectual pariah who
sacrifices genius to the obdurate and te-
dlous tyranny of lexicon And the acct
GUS adult who transforms II into an abso-
lutte apotheOsiS should be waited to the
purlieuS of the stellar Aldebaran, or exiled
on a br1gantine to the circumfiuent deserts
OF the crystalline waters, the cynosure of
all eyes.
Not long since a robust, disputative col
leglan-his clothes of the latest Pail Mall
cut, his carmine bifurcated necktie orna-
mented with solitaire, his hair dressed
with oleomargarine and perfumed with am
bergris, his face innocent of hirsute adorn-
ment, but his mouth guilty of nicotine
informed a senile, splenetic lawyer that he
ala not pronounce according TO the die
tionary.
For" observed the young man, with an
air of research, lin your Tuesdays address
you said that the sight of cerements suf-
feed to enervate an attorney; that a sala-
mander treated for obesity with prussic
acid and pomegranate rind was disinclined
TO Serpentine movements; that during a
soporific discourse delivered to concourse
OF youths, eleven eXigOuS dwarfs though
under surveillance, made grimcaeS at an
aged man sitting on three-legged STOOL;
that one of these supple, exile fellows OF
interesting genealogy, being rebuked, looked
contrite, but Immediately frescoed an al
ly'S Elizabethan collar with cocaine and
marmelade; that a choleric Magyar, queru-
lousy contemplating mirage on the Mo-
tave desert, was transported al the sight
of fiaccid coyote making his matudinal
ratioRs off a ella monster; that i'm an AL
dine edition of a legal work you read of a
lugubriOuS man afflicted with virulent vari-
oloid and purulent eczema, for which a
jocund gynecOlCgist injected iodine and
cayenne pepper with a syringe warmed
in a chadron of tepid syrup-a malpractice
suit being the result. By the way, have
you a dictionary"
Dictionary" replied the lawyer ''pughi
1t is granary from which the pronuncia-
ton fiend fills his commissariat with ro-
mances and vagaries-which TO him grow
like a phiIologic fetish, and this fetishism
finds outward expression In a supercil-
Nothing daunted the young man con-
tinued: You said According to precedent
it was obligatory upon him to plat his
hair as his nomad parents had done, and
precedent is stepping under the mistletoe
INDUCED in fulsome praise of himself, hop
ing thereby to induce a favorite girl to
join him. But she, being averse to I'M
dergOing an ordeal so irrefragably embar-
RAISING, refused, whereupon his features
became immobile with chagrin. This is
a verbatim quotation. You sometimes con-
Sult a diCtiODarV2"
Young man" retorted the lawyer, his
aquiline nose quivering with derisive dis
dain, Ito illustrate the inconsistence of
a dictionary, see how demogogy is pro-
nOunced: then turn to pedagogy"
Pardon me, / was speaking of you.
In reading from a brochure. the other day
you peremptorily enunciated the following
A sacrilegiouS son OF Belial, who had
suffered from bronchitis and diphtheria,
having exhausted his finances in order to
make good the deficit, resolved to ally
himself TO a comely, lenient and docile
young lady of the Malay or Caucasion
race. Primarily he purchased a calliope
and coral necklace of a chameleon hue,
and securing a suite OF rooms at a prin-
cipal hotel he engaged the head waiter as
his coadjutor. He then dispatched a letter
OF the most exceptional calligraphy eXtant
inviting the young lady to a matinee
She revolted at the idea and sent a polite
note of refusal. on receiving which he
procured a carbine and bowie knife. said
that he would not forge letters hymeneal
with the queen, went to an isolated spot,
severed his jugular vein and discharged
the contents of the carbine into his alb
domen The debris was removed by the
coroner "
''Munchausenr replied the lawyer.
"Oh, yes. you did. And in your perora-
ton this occurs:
IAN incognito communist. being COM
mandant on the frontier. in one Of his
hunting expeditions came upon an Indian,
who TO the accompaniment of the sough-
ing wind, was softly playing a fageOlet
for the purpose of quieting a wounded
bengal tiger suffering from rabies and
tetanus. and penned up in a hovel. The
coloneTs companion. Cingalese from
Singapore acting as seneschal or pur-
srivant. suggested hOughing the rampant
ANIMAL or giving ii some dynamite, NOR
milne and saline yeast. n moose was adj
i,sted and the neuseous dose admins
tered whereupon the combative tiger.
coming In premature contact with a di-
Ianidated divan. babe adieu TO things sub
iunary and proceeded TO grace the empy-
rean You have a dictionary"
The old man, becoming angered at the
railIery of this question. and at the cher
,,bic smile of superiority with which IL
yyas asked launched forth in an objur-
gsting TRADE: insisting that he did not
Terard himself sacrifcable 10 the Jugger-
naut of orthoepy. 49,
"Haye / a dictionary Numbered he;
dictionary be hanged!
Here archangels began the sonorous
obantinp of the music OF a bolero, and
tba schismatics adjourned sine die.