The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1901-11-08
ASSOCIATE
COUNSEL
TAKEN OFF
Sawed Lawyer Who
Captured the Jury,
George AIDES Fable of the
Attenuated Attorney.

| Back. He knew the Law from soup 10
Nuts, but much learning had put him D
little bit to the Willies. And his Size
was against him. He lacked Bellows.
He was an inconspicuous little Runt
When he stood up to Plead, he came a
trife higher than the Chair. OF the 30
pounds he carried, about 45 we're Gray
Matter. He had Mental Merchandise to
burn but no way Of delivering it,
When there was a Rally or some other
Gabiest on the Bills, the Committee
never asked him to make an Address.
The Committee wanted Wind Jammer
who could move the Leaves on Tree 200
feet distant. The dried-up Lawyer could
write Great Stuff that would charm a
Bird out Of a Tree, but he did not have
the Tubes to enable HIM to Spout. Wien
he got up to Talk il was all he could do
to hear himself. The Juries used to go to
sleep on him. He needed Megaphone.
And he had about as much Personal
Magnetism as an Undertaker's Assistant.
The Runt lost many Case because he
could not Bark at the Jury AMI pound
Holes in a Table. His Briefs had been
greatly admired by the Supreme Court.
Also it was known that he could draw up
coppsr-riveted Contract that would
hold Water but as a Pleader he was a
Pickere.
At one time he had an Important Suit
on hand, and he was Worried, for he was
opposed by a couple Of sliving lGas En-
Gines who could rare up and down in
front of zap Jury for further Orders.
81 have the Law on my Side, "said the
R unit. NOW, il we're only Six-Feet-
Two with sole-leather rhorax, could
swing the Verdict"
While he was repining, in came
Friend Of his Youth, named jim.
This Jim was Book-Agent. He was
as big as the Side of House. He had Il
Voice that sounded as II it came up an
Elevator Shaft. When he folded his
Arms and looked Solemn, he was acolos'
sal Picture Of Power in Repose. He wore
Plug Hat and a large Black Coat.
Nature intended him for the U. S.
Senate, but used up all the Material
early in the Job and failed to stock the
Brain Cavity.
Jim had always been at the Foot Of
the Glass in School. At the age OF 40 he
spelled Sure with an Sh and sank in a
Heap when he tried 10 add 8 and 7,
Bat he was a tall Success as a Book Ped.
Ter, because be learned his Piece and the
2ls pounds Of Dlgnifed Superiority did
the Rest.
Wherever he went he commanded Re
spect. He could 20 into strange Hotel
and cit down at the Breakfast fable vnd
say: Please pass the Syrup" in Tone
that had all the Majestic Significance OF
an Official Utterance. Hh would sit
there in silent Meditation. Those who
sized up that elepLantine Form and not.
ed the Gravity of his Countenance and
the lluted Wrinkles OF his high Brow,
imagined that he was pondering on the
Immortality of the Soul As a matter
of fact, Jim was wondering whether he
would have Ham or Bacon with his
Eggs.
Jim had the Bulk and aweinspiring
Front. As long as he preserved Ma
poleonic Silence he could carry out the
Bluff. Little Boys tip.toed when they
came near him, and Maiden Ladies sigh
cd for an introduction. Nothing but a
Post MOrtem Examination would have
shown Jim up in his True Light. The
midget Lawyer looked up in Envy at
his mastodonic Acquaintance and sighed.
eff could combine my Intellect with
your Horse-Powsr, would be the largest
Dandelion in the Legal Pasture, " he
said
Then Happy Idea struck him amid.
ships.
jim, | want you to be my Associate
Counsel" " he said "I understand, Of
course, that you do not know the differ
ence between Cayeat and a Caviar
Sandwich, but as long as you keep your
Hair combed the way it iS now and wear
that Thoughtful Expression, you're just
as good as the whole Choate family.
will introduce you as an Eminent
ATTORNEY from the East. | will guard
the Law Points and you will sit there
and Dismay the Opposition by lookinI
Wise"
So when the Case came up for Trial
the Runt let the august Jim into IN,
Court Room and introduced him as As
sociate council murmur of Admira-
ton ran throughout the Assembling,
when Jim showed his Commanding Fig
ure, Law Book under his Arm anu /
look OF heavy Responsibility on his Face
Old Atlas who carries the Globe on hi
Shoulders, did not seem to be in it will
this grand aud gloomy Stranger
For two hours linn had been rehears
ing his Speech, lie arose
"Your Honor" he began.
AT the sound of that Voice a scare,
Silence fell upon the Court Room /
was like the Lower Octave of Pipe Or
gan.
"Your Honor" said Jim, "we ar,
ready Tor Trial"
The musical Rumble filled the Spa
cious Room and went echoing through
the Corridors, The Sound beat ou
ithrauoh tha Oran 1,,.., q, - a -