The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1901-11-13

L AVA al GulUg.
| Neii-So do L. Oh, by the wav, dear.
last night L overheard him say he was
going to propose to you.
Mrs. Twaddle-Wby, DIR. Jalap. it's
ages since 1 saw you'll How have YOU
oeen9 DO you enjoy good health9
Or. Jalap-Not' in Others, Mrs.
Iwaddle--not in others.
| What is Gurnsey doing with the
fortune he inherited 80 ounexpectedlv?n
well, he buys book from eyerv
agent that calls on him, and he's max.
ing about a dozen poor souls happy
every day." pp'
She-I am very sorry, but circum-
stances over which l have no control
compel me to say no.
He-Might L ask what the circum-
stances are?
She-Yours.
Patier ce-They say Chicago girl
upon receiving proposal of marriage.
never says: "Oh, this is 80 suddenI'
Patrlck-What does she say, then9
Patience-Ohl she says: :" Well. I
think it's about tlmep'
Teacher Gnstrucling class on man.
ners)-Now, Tommie Brown, for ex-
ample, II you were sitting in an electric
car, every seat occupied, and an old
iady entered, what would you do9
Iommy-Please, sir, i would pre-
tend L was sleepin'.
"You are going to clean house to.
day, are you?" said Mr.. Nexdore.
Puttlng on his Lat. {" When l come
nome this evening, suppose Ill find
everything upside down.
certainly" responded his wife.
y \ ou don't think L can lay anything
down sideways In fiat, do you 2"
once two gentlemen attended a tenn
pelance meeting, and on returning
nome by dark and narrow lane, were
cnrown out of their conveyance. The
incident was reported in the local pape~
ana the account closed with the words:
fortunately, both men were
Inc editor received an angry letter
from one of the gentlemen concerned.
Win the request for an apology.
lie was equal to the occasion. "In
our account of the unfortunate acci-
uenC 10 Messrs. =" wrote the editor,
" we stated that fortunately both men
were sober. 1T appears this statement
mas gwen great offense. We therefore
peg to withdraw it,"
Whatl Have Won been
T,,L
boys don't fight.
Johnnie-Yes, L know that. 1
thought he was good little boy, but
after hit him once, L found he wasn't.
You don't appear to be very parti.
GUAR ABOUT your appearance nova
days." remarked the owl. "Don't
you &C, into society any more?"
"Ol no." replied the atork. "We
don't supply pet dogs, you know"
Here's the devil to payp' cxclaim-
ed the old man, coming in with a
handful of bills.
DON'T worry about him, DEAR"
SAID the wife. " He knows that youth
settle with him hereafterl'
"I'll be ready for you in minute.n
said the old culored farmer to the
sheriff, dez ez soon ez feeds Solo
mon."
"Who's Solomon ?n
He's my muIo, sub dat what he
name is."
Why did you give him that name?"
"hasc ne de wises' mule in de cUun.
ty, sun, an he thinks dat fast travelin'
is all vanity en- wexation er sperrit,
thus fulfillin' de Book er Proverbsl"
Patrick, The widow Malouey tells
me that you stole one of her finest pigs.
Is it colrect?"
Yis, yer honour"
What have you done with it?"
Kllled 1t and ate it, yer honour.n
"Oh, Patrick, Patrick when YOU
are brought face to face with the widow
and her pig on judgment-day, what aS.
count will you be able to give of YOUR
self when the widow accuses YOU of
stealing?"
"Did you say the pig would be there j,
yer riverance2"
TO be sure did"
Well, thin, yer riverance, I'll say,
,Mfs' Mal0ney; there's yer pig.' -
Baltimore Sun.
"Did you divide your bonbons with
your little brother, Mollie?" "Yes,
ma; l ate the candy and gave HIM the
notices. You know he is awfully fond
of reading"
Editb-He says he loves me for my.
self alone. What do you think of itf
Ethel-Well, it's hard telling wheth
} er he's drawing or his humor or his
imagination.
Old LADY, don't believe this Sur,
Cure Tonic is a-goin' to do my an,
good.
Friend-It's highly spoken of in tn
papers.
Old LadY-Yes; but I've taken forty
seven bottles, and L don't feel bi
better. tell you what it is, Sarah
Pm beginning to think these news
paper editors don't know everything
New York Weekly. r
en---
1t is estimated that the campaipn
New York coat about Al nno mn