The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1901-07-26
telling a story. Did You ask mamma?''
ye-year-old- Papa, T asked her.''-~(A
pause: ''She said l couldn't have it,

org, "a number Of Italian school children
,Gno mad very musical voices sang The
| Star Spangled Banner AS many OF
t tnem knew but little Of English the
ing carefully explained to them the
meaning of each line. In the refrain
they rather baked over the line Long
| may 1t wave The word wave puzzled
! them, as they seemed to associate wave
| With water. But tine teacher, flag in
| hand, demonstrated to them thar wave
meant to float in the air. Float seemed
! the chorus was again tried it went this
way, much to the patient teachers dis
gust:
;; The Star-Spangled Banner,
| Long may 1t float
Ger the land Of the free
And the home of the goat.
She-'I see by mere waste caused by
| coins rubbing together the civilized
world loses one and one-fourth tons OF
gold and lightweight tons of silver in a
| year.
He-x"That must account for it,. I've
often thought l. had more money i'll my
pocket than l found I had."-Yonkers
! Statesman.
A man who has been on a lecture tour
through the South tells this story Oh MINI
self: He was late in arriving in one Of
the. cities in which he was booked, and
had but half an hour to reach the nall
where he was to give his entertainment.
he needed shave almost as much as h:
dld his dinner, but he decided to cut ont
the latter. The former he was obliged to
haXe. Going to his room. he rang for a
barber. 4 bright looking boy came in
and announced that he was the barber.
Mr.. Bingham sat down on chair and
told him to go ahead.
II beg your pardon. sir, bu- would you
| mind lying down on the coucn?'
'Whv?' asked the astonished lecturer.
''Wcll. sir, you see, I am generally sent
to shave the corpses. and l can shave a
man better when he is lying down."
The Boss-"If we are to retain your
services. Mr.. Lambkin, you must take
| more care of your appearance. You look
as if YOU hadn't shaved for week"
The Clerk-"But,. sir, l am growing a
beard" The Boss-''That's no excuse.
You! must do that sort of thing out of
! Times.
"Pardon me,' said the unfortunate beg
gar, accosting gentleman in the street:
could you do me the favor of a price
OF sandwich? l haven't tasted food TO:
two days.
Pardon me-" said the gentleman five
| minutes later, accosting the beggar as
he emerged from saloon. II understood
you to tell me you hadn't tasted food for
two days, and yet you spent that nickel
l gave you on l,ecr.'
''Yes, that is true, but I hadn't tastel!
beer for two days and half.'-Stray
Stories.
LaMont-"Thcre is very little romance
about Harwood. He spent the day after
his marriage in planting flowers"
LaMoyne-''S Something like Tucker. He
spent the day destroying Weeds
LaMont- "Why, Tucker doesn't live in
the suburbs"
LaMoyne-"No, but he married a wild
ow"
Il thought I understood the cockney
dialect fairly well,'' said Charles w. Da-
Wis, who has Just returned from a, trip
letter perfect in Albert Chevalier's songs
But some Of the people met in London
keep far away from both. One day, at
Westminster abbey, a ragged woman
who was selling flowers, with a baby in
her arms, came up to me and said: 1
the lydy, for the syke Of the byby?'" -
New York Times.
Phillips Brooks once gave a new YER
sion of the Jonah story to a wondering
skeptic, who said he doubted whether a
whales throat was large enough to swal-
low Jonah.
That was no difficulty said the bish-
op. Jonah was one of the minor proph-
ts.-Musical Courier.
During the period of the bachelor mil
lionaire's romantic life in Southern
France he received a cable dispatch in
forming him that his locomotive works
had been completely destroyed by FIRE.
Those were times of panic and great
business depression. but Mr. Rogers re-
ply was Napoleonlc in its promptness and
breyity.
Send photograph of ruins" he cabled.
land erect buildings again Just as they
were BEFORE
Sir Thomas says it is going to take a
pretty good boat to beat the new Sham
rock, remarked Velmilye.
"Wc1l,' proudly responded Butler Dun
can, referring to our new metal defender,
have got an iron Constitution! '-Brook-
Ign Eagle.
Mrs. Buckingham tof Lonelyvilie)- =
Now that we are nicely scltled in lovely
LOnelyvil]e, Mortimer, we must raise
Philadelphia chickens! Everyone SAYS,
you know, that Philadelphia chickens
are the BEST
Buildingloan (thoughtfu]ly- every well.
dear. l suppose that breed doesn't crow
50 early in the morning as ordinary chick
ems. '-Brooklyn Eagle.
Mrs. Clancy lboastfully)t"M husba nd
was wan O the pa]lbearers at Callahan's
funeral" Mrs. Casey (spitefully)-"Aye.
An we'll fitted fur the job he was. He's
used to carryin' the bier that some wan
ilse pays fur. ''-Philadelphia Press.
-:O:-
A RURAL SCENE
The herd is heard to low on high,
Mounting the mountain steep;
The weary shepherds HE below
To get bit Of sleep.
The little swallows gulp and choke
The early worm to swallow,
While penned within the barnyard pen,
The pensive piggies wallow.
Harvard Lampocn.
Downie referring to the pleasant-faced
lady who has just passed. "Ah, my boy.
owe a great deal to that woman"
Dorking Indeed! She's not your moth
er. is she?'' Downie-'"No, my 1andlady.''
GLASGOW Evening Times.