Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1901-09-03
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life. pa. Mr.. Richman-Well perhaps
he is. l notice that he saves gas bills.
Judge.
Judge-You say the defendant turned
and whistled to the dog. What follow
ed? Intelligent Witness-The dog, sor.
-Tit-Bits.
He has the reputation of being a
very candid man." well. yes, he's ex,
tremely candid in admitting the faults
OF Others. philadelphia Press.
Indignant: Bizzer-Come and go fish
ing. Buzzer-How dare you ask me to
so fishing on Sunday; besides, have
to play golf.-Ohio State Journal.
Husband wonder what we shall
wear in heaven? Wife-Weu. if you
get there, John. l imagine most of us
will wear surprised looks.-Smart Set.
'DO you believe in long or short en-
gagements?" asked Miss Frocks of
Miss Kittish. "Short enga gements and
plenty of Them" was the reply.-De-
troit Free Press.
Mr.. Poore-Wil nothing induce YOU
10 marry? Miss Wltte-On the con-
trary. 1t is the nothing you have
which induces me not to marry-De-
troit Free Press.
"Wiuie, whom did George Washing
ton marry" 1.-THE widow GUSTS,
maam." Had he any children?"
"Yes'm-the Sons and Daughters of
the Revolution."-Life.
Bizzer-Those safety pins are great
Inventions. Buzzer-Are they? Bizzer-
You bet; our baby swallows one every
once in q while and they never faze
him.-Ohio State Journal.
Description: Did you hear what
Judy Gibbs saidY mo; what was itY
"She said the new bride next door to
them has the most elegant repertoire
of shirt-waists she ever saw."-Chicago
Record-Herald.
ooh, yes" said the ice magnate,
"there will be time when the poor
may have all the free ice they want
"And when will that be-" asked the
delighted listener. next winter
Baltimore American.
Don't you think man ought to be
liberal in his political views" Ger
tainly," answered Senator Sorghum.
"In my opinion a man can't hope to set
very far along these days by being
stingy.' Washington Star.
Hello" cried the bore, bustling into
the great mans office, anything new|
you're always looking for something
new and fresh, aren't you" said the
long-suffering victim. "Surew well,
Why don't you carry 4 pocket mirrorY
Philadelphia Press.
Not Yet Ready to Quit: 81 suppose"
said the doctor, as he carefully bound
up the stump of Sammy's amputated
arm, that you will not shoot off toy
cannons on the next Fourth" why
not?" replied Sammy; Il have one arm
left yet."-Harlem Life.
"See herew exclaimed an angry man
to a horse dealer; you said that horse
| bought of you yesterday hadn't a sin.
gle fault; and now l find he is blind
of one eye" "Oh," replied the dealer.
calmly; that's not a fault it's a mis-
fortune" -ChicaGo Daily News
Caller-You must be n very honest
boy, Remus, not to go near the majors
closet when you know he keeps his
brandy in there. Remus-'Tain't so
much de honesty sab. but yo see ah
dun heard it told dat de major has
skeleton in his closet.-Philadelp
Record.
Merely Buying: Mrs. Jones-Whats
your hurry? You're not off for the sea.
shore now? Mrs. Smith-No, not until
tomorrow. I'm going downtown now,
Mrs. housekeeping? Mrs. Smith
No, l haven't time for that, there's so
many things l simply have to buy
Philadelphia Press.
Wife with n determined air-I want
to see that letter Husband-What let
ter? Wife--That one you just opened.
know by the handwriting that t Is
from woman, and you turned pale
when you read it. l will see 1t. Give IL
to me, sir Husband-Here it is; it's
your milllner's blll.-Fun.
Just the Same: BObby-Mamma, II
God is as good as you say he is, why
doesn't he always answer our prayersi
does, Bobby. when they
deserve to be answered. BObby-Well,
| prayed that | might not steal any
more lam out of the buffers pantry,
but it didn't make any difference
Life.
Hes quite a prominent politician
here. is he nctp' inquired the visiting
Briton. ION, no; he's statesman"
replied the native. "Well what's the
difference "A statesman. my dear
sir, is one who Is in politics because
he has money. A politician Is one who
has money because he is in politics.
Philadelphia Press.
Accommodating: "Come back rs
soon as possible" said her mistress to
Maggie, who was going home in re-
spouse to telegram saying her mother
was i'll. Eyes, num-" promised Mag
gle. A day or two later came: Deer
Mis- Smith, will be back mex weeB
pleas KEEP my place, for me mother is
DYING as fast as she can TO Oblidge
'-Lippincott's Magazine.
What arc you sealing up in that en-
velobe so carefully, Jones?" Import
ant instructions that forgot to give
nv wife before / came to town this
l am going to send IL up
home" ''WiH your wife open 1t up at
1nceT' Rather have made sure Of
hat" "HoTY' "Our lady typist viii
address it ia me, and put big private
IN the corner Of the envelope" Les
les Weekly.