Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1901-04-23
THE EXPIRING BOARD.
JUDGE MORRISON PHILOSOPHERS

Board of Agriculture last December,
without my knowledge or consent, | con-
ceived the idea at once that L belonged
10 the latter class.
Thinking that in duty bound | ought
TO testify my appreciation of the honor
conferred, | resolved TO carry some sort
OF an offering TO be laid on the agricult-
ural altar at the first meeting Of the
board. Not having any frankincense or
myrrh, or fatted calves on hand, and
considering the little cloud of smoke that
WAS settling over the department, L hon.
estly thought that the best offering that
| could make would be a candidate for
secretary. Accordingly started for the
January meeting with my pockets bulg-
ing with documents, every one setting
forth the pre-eminent qualifications of
my candidate. When on the train, met
several would-be friends of agriculture,
Who seemed anxious to give me all nee
essary information about how 10 find
headquarters and how TO perform my du-
| ties as young member. OF course this
advice was timely, but when L incident
ally mentioned that | had been in the
capitol twice as soldier, once as rep
resentative, and two terms as a senator,
these friends seemed to allow that
might possibly thread through the parlia-
mentary msZes of the BOARD"
lt was limited, however, that, so far as
my candidate was concerned, the agri-
cultural weather vane did not point in
his direction. Nothing 6aunted, how
ever, | went into the meeting with a
pocket full of printed ballots, great
deal of cheek, and some confidence.
| When the time came for the election of
secretary, in true convention style, pre-
Sented nv candidate with Gas thought)
a telling speech. With prophetic vivid
ness, | showed how the election of my
candidate would dispel all darkness,
brush aside all clouds, and give the new
century a magnificent send-off. | had
ballots enough TO elect an archangel, but
it was no go. My hOnied words fell on
deaf ears, and, when the result of the
balloting was announced, my candidate
had the multitudinous support of one
vote (my OWN. Such is life. One mo-
ment man will be on the crest of the
wave, the next in the gulf of despair.
But where are we now? Where is that
magnificent body of men who have la
bored so long and so earnestly to teach
the farmers of Maine how to run their
farms on theoretical schedule where
hard work and hard knocks don't come
ia? We are as dead as the Pharaohs and
not half as well preserved. We shall
never see the flesh pots of Egypt again.
No more free tickets to agricultural
shows, no more juuketing trips at the
states expense, no more testing immacu-
late butter, stamped and frizzled by the
deft hands of New England danes, Yer
mont included.
Yes, we are dead, and agriculture has
received a blow from which it will prob
ably recover. What seems the hardest,
however, is the fact that the eulogies
have been either accidentally or inten-
tionally omitted. 1t does seem that, if
there are auy funds left, they should be
used TO hire band of mourners; and
perhaps my old friend from Gray, w. ii.
", will volunteer to chant requiem
over the graves of the departed. Then,
to make the laying of the remains douhly
sure, my other friend, Il. A. c., from
Greene, ought TO take his jickknife, whit
tie out headboard from native pine and
carve upon it the letters "Requiescat in
Pace"
But through all this gloom l seem to
see rift of light. When the cOnstitu-
tional amendment giving franchise to
gentlemen of color passed, the immortal
No>ly rushed up to Deacon Popgraius
with the astounding intelligence that
"the niger has votes" In view of re-
cent events, we can all exclsim, the farm
er is in politics. The old Board of Agr-
culture, regarded so long as a non-politi-
cal, nOn-partisan institution, has "out-
lived its usefulness" and been laid away.
The office of Commissioner of Agricult-
ure must necessarily be political office.
IL the politicians bad had weather eye
TO windwsrd, they would have killed
this bill and allowed agriculture to plow
along in the old ruts. When our first
parents partook of the forbidden fruit,
| they were driven out for fear they might
partake of the tree of life and live for
ever. But the politicians cannot drive
US out, we are too numerous. Hence
forth we shall become as one OF you.
The invitation to the farmer to enter
the political field has been extended. IL
sill be accepted, and, once in, no fam
ing sword of cherubim can drive us out.
Henceforth the farmers must cease talk
ing about s'butter fat" and discuss poll
tics ; let the old COW go through her peri
ods of conception and procreation as best
she can and attend the CAUCUS; allow
the setting hen To hatch her brood in the
old-feshioned way and rush to the polls
TO save the party and the state. was
slways in favor of the farmer taking a
hand in politics, especially when the
hand would deposit vote for me.
As read that magnificent speech OF
brother Alden, of Winthrop, in support
of the bill creating commissioner and
cousigning the old board to the silence
of oblivion, every word sounded like the
crack of doom. But when realiz ID that
il gave the farmer the opportunity to
leap into politics | was satisfied TO let
doom crack. | could almost see the
yubernatorial bee buzzing between the
lines of that speech, and, II friend Alden
is ever a candidate, will bury my re-
sentiment and support him. The only
class who will suffer from the new order
of things is the politicians. When the
farmers once get taste OF political
plums and official emoluments, the loaves
and fishes will not go round. Heaven
help the small squad of celebrities who
now run the state Tor their own goou,
when they hear the tramp OF the cow
hide boots of 100000 hungry farmers.
The obsequies of the old Board Of Agri.
culture viii not be the only political
funeral. The only way for the old
hoard is to die as gracefully as it can
IL we had continued, things might have
been worse. We can bank on the mis-.
takes that we did not have chance, to
make. /, for one, always bear grief Will
smile. IL is better for the soul and aids
digestion. NV advice to the farmers Is
70 study theoretical farming less and use
more common sense. Raise more nome
produce and hire less money to send wes'
, for shorts. Meet Dame Nature half way
with willing hands and good judgment
and she will help you raise the mort
I cages given to raise the cash for cottor
! seed meal and wheat bran. But, ABOVE
all, don't neglect politics. You are II
the swim. You must be full-hedget
noliticians from now on. In fact, yo.
are made so.by an act Of the legislature
You have it in your power to shape fu
ture legislation and navigate the ship o
+ state. u
:, In order to succeed it will be necessa
! rv to capture one Of the political parties
!, ~ n,mooratic psrty is hide-bOund ant