The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1901-04-21
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"MODERN FABLES, by George A5e.
copyrighted, 1901, by Robert Howard knsseli.l I

asks me whether he had better Tie Tn -
not it is only my superior Foot Work tha,
enables me 10 dodge the Issue II Uer.
to tell you to assume Business Risk vo,,
would know in little while whether va.
had made or lost But II I get behind Won
and give you hard Shove toward The
Married State you will be kept Guessing
for Years as 10 whether 1 meant ii as a
Good Turn or was trying 10 Do you Let
us suppose that some Day fifteen or twen-
~ Years from now you come Home 10 find
that the Furnace has hickered. the Cook
has done the Vanishing Lady Act. two II
the Children have the Scarlet Rash and the
Better Half is Weeping Softly and seems
to think that you are to blame for all the
Tribulation You escape to the Cellar and
throw Hard Coal at yourself for while.
and then suddenly you remember that il
was 1 who advised you to Marry and Settle
Down. Thereupon you hurry 10 a Hardware
Store and buy one Of these Carpenter PEN
ellis that makes "A wide Mark and YOU
go out to the Graveyard and write Insult
ing Remarks all over my white Head Stone.
And it would be just as bad II advised
YOU not TO take the Fatal Step. The Time
would surely come when you would be laid
Indigestion and what is known "a Hotel
Melancholy. and then you would moan
something about OF all Sad Words os
Tongue or Pen and say: All. l might
have been cozily domiciled in CHEEKY Cot
reading Ghost Stories 10 my own little
Riddles this. very Night IL it had not been
for that hoary old Fraud who steered me
away from getting Married So YOU see
70
matter what | tell you to 90. The trouble
is that we have our on Days whether We
are Married or Single a Man cannot get
up every morning and strike Concert pitch
the first Pull across the Strings no matter
how DESTROYS he may be 10 keep IN Har-
mony. Again, after a Man has been Tied
Up for a while he begins Ia recall the
Bright Spots in his Career As a Bachelor.
and he is prone TO imagine that all the n
married Boys are having one long crimson
Picnic. being Fancy Free and unhampered
bv Responsibilities on the other hand. the
male Hold-Over who occasionally receives
an Invite to Dine with Family gets
Flash of Domestic Bliss under the most IA
vorable Conditions and goes back TO his
substitute for Home feeling that a Bach
eIor Existence is a Dogs Life at the best
what Programme he undertakes asked
the Young Man in a discouraged Tone
Legal Ceremonies and change ~
Boarding Houses do not greatly modify our
Prospect for having more or less of Good
Time in this Life" replied Uncle Silas.
..you see. every Man has about so many
Kicks coming. and he has To use them up
whether he is Married or Single When we
Hlraiy N
imagine that what we haven't got and can't
get Is the One Desirable Thing. Thus We
have the diverting Picture of the Benedicts
sitting around in Envy of the Bachelors
while those VINO are playing Lone Hands
feel that they would be much better on
with Partners. | couldn't rig up a Policy
for YOU that would not cause me tn be dis
liked at times. think that you had better
go out and Shake Dice with yourself 10
find out what you want 10 do. BUT no mat
ter what your Course may be you want 10
remember that there are Cloudy Days I'm
all Latitudes, and no matter how well nxed
we may seem 10 others there are Moments
when we would fain jump our Environ
ment."
"Perhaps had better go IL Blind sug-
gested the Bachelor.
Most People do" said Uncle Silas. A
Leap in the Dark may land you In Patch
Of Canadian Thistles or Bed of Roses
but no matter where you Bring Up you VIII
get used 10 IT,"
MoraI-Always advise Friend TO 90
what YOU are sure he Is not going TO DO
Then in his Venture falls you will receive
credit for having warned him. III IL sue
ceeds he will be happy in the Opportunity
10 tell you that you were Dead wrong