The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1901-01-13

F, Answer and then spoke as follows: 'I hav.
noticed that all who are Refined On n.
Level want the Best In the House. sa,L
hard and long for Private Baths and a.
ways have their Meals served IN the
/ Room"
But this Expert Testimony did not hri,v
any Light 10 the Puzzled Seeker. so ia
spoke to one OF the Chambermaids. sb.
| said that Refinement meant going 10 see
az least one Frohman Troupe every season
wearing French Heels and not having MOTH
ing to do with no Travelling Men from St
| Louis.
Those are the Requirements in your
| Case" said the Young Man. gently. But
what would you advise me TO do?'
you will nave to Hoe your own Row.
| said the Chambermaid. its all ] can do to
keep myself Refined"
1t having become evident that there were
| several Brands of Refinement. the Young
| Man decided TO continue his Investigations,
hoping that he might find two Witnesses
who would Get Together on the Definition.
A Minstrel Man standing in front Of the
| Hotel said that in order TO be Refined one
| should wear a blue plush ~Spike-Taii and
sing something about a Death-Bed. He
knew he was right because he had helped
to give many Refined Performances
A Gentleman who followed the Ponies
said that a Party to be Refined ought to be
able to throw open a Salmon-C olored Vest.
keep his Shoes shined and never bring out
HIS Rubber Pouch. of Fine-Cut while con-
yersing with a Lady.
A Traveller from the Far East said hat
Correct Pronunciation was the Final Test
OF Refinement, although it would Help
Some to carry a Green Bag and wear a
Plaid Shawl and put on an Intense Look
| whenever the Concord School of Philosophy
was mentioned.
A Representative ~Stockman who had
| come I'm to Market some Yearlings opined
that any one who clipped his Beard every
| Spring and Fall and fought his way into
a White Shirt on Sunday Morning was Re-
| fined enough for all Practical Purposes.
A Young Woman with a Red Jacket said
that she never considered a Girl Friend
truly Refined until she could play Mar
| cissus'' on the Piano and had been TO a
| Course OF Lectures and was using Wax On
her Envelopes.
Another Woman, with a Hunted Look.
| said that Refinement depended on reading all
the Late Books before they were dry from
the Bindery. 1t kept her on the Jump but
| she had got away with the whole Catalogue
from 'Alice of Old Vincennes'' to Father
Goose" She was expecting to get some kind
| of a Medal for being Refined.
A regular Hickey driving a plumbers
Wagon pulled up long enough TO say that
a Young Fellow to be Good and Refined
ought to get a Close Shave before going to
a Ball and was expected to Buy for his
| Calico before leading her back TO her Seat.
A Delegate on his way home from a Re-
formers Convention seemed to think that
the Essentials of Refinement were White
String Ties. hot from the Laundry. and
Smiling so as to show the Teeth.
A haggard Man with rumpled Hair gave
an entirely new Definition He said that
Refinement meant to go to a Piano Recital
or a Symphony Concert and Cry all over
the Seats.
BY this time the Young Man who was out
TO locate the Refinery had a very confused
Notion of what he was trying TO Run Down.
While he was wondering where he could go
to get some more Pointers, he CHANGED TO
pick up a Paper and read a Top-Lofty Edi-
torial, made in London, which said there
was no such thing as Refinement In the
Western Hemisphere. except at the Lunch
Stations on the Canadian Pacific, where
the British Tourists dropped off to get Tea
and Biscuit.
So he had to pass UP the Quest.
Moral: The word Refinement no longer
has Any Meaning except as referring TO
Sugar and Linseed Oil.