davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA.
RIOUS HUMORISTS
Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over-Sayings that Are Cheer
full to Old or Young-Funny Seisc-
tions that You Will Enjoy.

81 am sinking for the third timew
shrieked the woman in the water.
Are you positive of this?" asked the
youth who was waiting to rescue her,
lily concealing his anxiety the while.
'Oh, quite" the woman protested.
"For 1 am at this moment distinctly
recalling everything in my past life. 1
remember the real color of my hair as
If it were but yesterday that /"
Say no more" cried the youth plung-
ing forthwith into the icy flood.
The spectators cheered wildly, for
never in their lives had they seen the
thing more gracefully done.-Detroit
Journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

30 HEY stood about the farmhouse
in awkward, constrained groups,
"a waiting, as they might have ex-
pressed it, "for the funeral to start. >
The dead woman was lying in the best
room. 1t had been the passing away of
a hard life.
Phineas Harden leaned his head
against the shutter which had been
closed to keep out the glaring light, and
as he sat there, half hearing the sounds
which came to him through the open
window, he heard quite distinctly these
words:
'Died peaceful at the last they say.
Well, there'd ought ter be some peace
in the course of a natural life, an II
there was going ter be any in old Mis-
Harden's life, guess it had ter get Its
innings in at pretty nigh the last lick,
an close shave at that. My, didn't
she lead Dick Harden life. Rec'lect
when there wasn't a sprucer man in
town, but she took the spirit out of him,
an it warn't much Of job fer con-
sumption Ter finish him up"
Phineas never forgot that. 1t had
been the putting into words what he
had never quite admitted even to him.
self.
The days that followed his mother S
death passed peacefully enough. After
a while he became used to the quiet of
the house. 1t didn't seem lonely to
him; he had never felt lonely, not even
at the first. 1t was only as though
some discordant note had dropped out
of his life.
People sometimes looked curiously at
him and wondered if he ever thought
of Lorinda North. But no one could
read the thoughts that were hidden
back of his eyes. They were eyes thai
rather baff1ed you; they had always
annoyed his mother. When he was q
child she had said one day, Where he
gets that look beats me. He minds
well, an he'd oughter, seein' the trou
BILE I've been to, bringing him up. His
hands an feet are quick enough to dc
as 1 say, but 1 can't feel but what
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
His Lat Words.

Spokesman-Madam, we are a COM
mittee from the volunteer fire depart
ment, of which your late lamented hus-
band was the respected chief, and we
called to express our sympathy.
Widow-Oh, it's SO kind and good of
you. l know Henry was thinking of
you when he passed away, for just be-
fore the end came he rose up in bed,
with a far-off look in his eyes, and
shouted: Turn in a second alarm! We
can't handle this fire without helpr'-
Baltimore American.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
Blue Ewes,

A clear, light blue color, with calm,
steadfast glance, denotes cheerfulness,
good temper and constancy, but blue
eyes with a greenish tint are not so
strongly indicative of these traits. A
slight inclination to greenish tints in
eyes of any color is said to be a sign
of wisdom and courage. Pale blue or
steel-colored eyes. with shifting mo-
tons of eyelids and pupils. denote de-
ceitfulness and selfishness. Dark blue
or violet denote great affection and
purity but much intellectually.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
Rural Art criticism

1mpressionist Artist paint things
as / see them.
Farmer Wayback Ckindly)eDo ye,
naow! Don't ye think that mebbe
some liver medicine would do ye good?
-SommerviIle Journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

"The reason some men don't get
along happily" said Mr.. Meekton, sis
that they don't know how to manage a
wife"
you know this?'' was the skephcal
query.
Certainly. 1t is the simplest thing
in the world. All you have to do is to
say yes whenever she wants anything
and always let her have her own way"
Washington Star
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
The Other Eve.

James Albery, the dramatist, was
one day. descending in great hurry
the steps fronting the Savage Club,
London. when a stranger, in state of
mind which defed punctuation, ad-
dressed him thus:
II beg your pardon. but is there a
gentleman in this club with one eve
by the name of X.?"
Albery answered the question eager.
ly with another: stop a moment
What's the name of his other eye?"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
Languages spoken by Army oficers

Languages Spoken by Army Officers.
The Army and Navy Journal states
that 304 commissioned officers of the
regular army speak Spanish fuently,
the Philippines and the West Indies.
About as many more officers possess a
limited knowledge of Spanish. French
is spoken by 224 officers, German
by 1876, the language of the
American Indians by 13, Ital-
ian by 3, Swedish and Norwegian
by 4, and Tagalog by 5. Chinese, jap
anese, Eskimo, Dutch, Hungarian,
Portuguese, and Polish are also spoken
by some of our army officers.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
Covers Too Much Groun

Binks-Jinks is continually telling me
what lucky fellow you are.
Kinks-Yes; but 1 don't like the way
he expresses it. Every time he meets
me he says: kinks, you're a lucky
man. You don't seem to have any
thing on your mind at all."-Indianap-
oils Sun.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
Tulip Festival,

Tulips are cultivated in Constantine
pie, and there is a tulip festival there
once year in spring. Every palace,
room, gallery and garden is decorated
with tulips of every kind. At night
they are all lighted by colored lamps
and Bengal fires, and the Sultan sits in
their midst, while women sing around
him and his odalisques dance before
him.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
Information

The citizen looked helplessly at the
piles Of drifted snow that lay on the
sidewalk in front of his house.
what would you take to clean this
walkT he said, addressing the first
man who came along.
"a shovel, SIR" responded Mr.. Ruff
fon Wratts, Walking Delegate Of Jew
elers' Union, No. PAT, passing on.-Chi-
cago Tribune.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

But, my dear Tobias. remember that
you may die at any time"
die. did you say? Die? That's the
last thing I'll do."-Sondags Nisse
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

sides over the local
station of the Uni
ted States Weather
Bureau. and daily
m a K e s. forecasts
and records that are
of great value to
the weather author
tiles at the National
Capital. Mrs. Creme
wald has one of the
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

'The new American consul general
at Hongkong is named Rublee," re-
marked the Observant Boarder.
Rub Lee" repeated the Cross Eyed
Boarder; show suggestive of washee.
e"'-Philadelph North Ameri-
can.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

Nell-Why did Miss Bargainsales re-
ject Mr.. Bjones when he was rich and
then marry him after he had lost all
his money?
Belle-I suppose because he was so
terribly Observation-Disclosures Record.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
The First Baby.

A woman's first baby is a heavenly
visitant to her, a toy to her husband, a
nuisance to the neighbors, and a living
to the doctor.-New York Press,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
Fair EnouQl,.

Disgruntled and Umbrellaless Citi-
zen-You played thunder, didn't you, in
predicting fair weather for to-day?
Weather Prophet-Well, it is as fair
for one as it is for the other, isn't it!
Puck
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

Miss Beansby-Perhaps you haven't
read all of Omar Khayyam?
Mrs. Porkchopp-Perhaps not. Has
he written anything recently ?-Puck.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

I'm afraid poor old Hithard is done
for. His locomotor ataxia is too much
for him at last"
What make of automobile is that"
Smart Set.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
Out of the Mouths of Rabes

"Oh, mammaw exclaimed little
Edith on her return from the show. 81
saw an elephant, and he walks back
ward and eats with his tailv'
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
Statu Quo,

Mrs. Pettit-Whenever 1 express
desire for anything my husband never
objects.
Mrs. 1g. Nord-Same with me. can
express the desire as often as 1 please.
1t never disturbs him-Philadelphia
Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

"You won't touch that caker his
wife tearfully exclaimed. and l
made it on purpose to please you. You
have no hearth
Perhaps not, Maria," replied the
dyspeptic husband, with a weary sigh.
But 1 am painfully conscious of my
er"-Chicago Tribune.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
Light from a Distant Star.

1t requires four years and four
months for ray of light to reach us
from the nearest star, and yet light
travels at the rate Of 1S6.330 miles in a
second. 1t would take 25O,OOO years
for cannon ball, travelling at the usual
speed of such projectiles. to reach this
Alpha centurl, which is our nearest
star neighbor.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

When a girl takes basket of provi-
sions to poor people. she feels that she
is getting a part of her heavenly re.
ward when friends stop and ask her
where she is going.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

"What kind of pictures would you
hang in dining room?"
"Well, I'd draw the line on paintings
of beef on the hoof and on still life
studies in canned truck
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
They Pass.

Daughter-But he is so full of abb
surd ideals.
Mother-Never mind that, dear.
Your father was just the same before
1 married him.-Brooklyn Life.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

She-How did you come to propose to
me, Harry?
He-Um-er; think 1 came in
street car. didn't have the price of a
cab.-Detroit Free Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

Farmer-How much for room?
Clerk-Two dollars up.
Farmer-What kind O. talk is that?
Up our way tn say two dollars down.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
Income and outgc

"Gramma, pa costs me a n'awful lot'
"How, sonny"
"Why, gramma, when I'm good all
day he gives me penny, an when I'm
bad 1 have to give him penny"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

Street car conductors are never beau
tiful. In fact, they are not even pass
ing fare-Philadelphia Record.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

docs Bobby cry much?'
"No; he doesn't cry at all unless lie
wants his own way about something"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
A WEATHER FORECASTER.

Mrs. Grenewa1d the Only Woman Cc-
cupying This Position in Bureau.
One of the brainy women of the
country is Mrs. L. H. Grenewald, of
York Pa She is the geniuS that nre-
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
Cause and Effect.

Teacher-Little boys will be punished
if they tell lies.
Small Boy-Not if they don't git
ketched
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
A Domestic Orphan,

care you glad your pa is in politics.
Jimmy?"
"Oh, 1 don't mind pa goin' in-but
ma-she's gone in, too"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

Teacher-How many commandments
are there?
Small Boy-'Leven.
Teacher-Eleven! What is the elev-
enth?
Small Boy-Keep off the grass
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

Stage Manager-Now, Mr.. Stormer,
listen to me a moment.
Barnes Stormer (the yillain)-Well,
sir?
Stage Manager-When the heroine
says to you, DO your worst" that
doesn't mean to act that way.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

A small boy sometimes gets all the
candy he can eat, but never all he
wants.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
Engagement Confidence,

you trust me thoroughly, don't you,
Ethel?''
''Of course, Edgar; but, tell me, are
the installments on this diamond ring
all paid OFF,"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

The man who lacks faith in his abil.
ity seldom accomplishes anything.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
He Would Kro-

She-Papa has an absurd notion that
you have money.
He- suppose we would better let
him think so.
She-Yes, but we've got to get mar
ried some time
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
No VernaI Toy.

81 pity the rich"
"Why?"
''They know nothing of the joys of
spring. for they have lettuce the yeal
round"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19

Executive-I would appoint your
man, but he is too ignorant for the po-
lice force.
Heeler-Den put him on de school
board.-Moonshine.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
His Customary State.

"Your friend Tackey is way off in
Honolulu now Doesn't that surprise
you?"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-19
1t does and it doesn't"

Heard he was going there, ehF' 2
''No, didn't know he was in Hon
olulu, but knew he was way off even
when he was here" e."-Philadelphia Rec
ord.
The Butte inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1901-1912, 1901-11-05
MINES and MINING .::=%=~ii IN THE NORTHWEST

is every reason to believe that with
depth the ore will change to sulphiles
and large permanent ore bodies will be
disclosed.
The tunnel on the Argo claim on He'll
gate, across the river from Helena, is
now in $40 feet. The ground Is growing
softer and flow Of water has been en-
countered which indicates the approach
to the lead. In the upper tunnels cop
per pyrites and carbonate ores are
shown in wide vein. we'll mineralized
with copper for upwards OF eight feet.
Six men are working in two shifts driv-
ing this tunnel as fast as possible.
Mining on Warm Spring Creek.
c. J. Clark, deputy county clerk and
recorder. has men at work developing
gold, silver and lead property which he
has taken under bond from Frank Will
ard. on Warm Spring creek. Is miles
south of Helena, on the Great Northern
road.
The White Pine group in the same
district. also gold. silver and lead
proposition. is being developed by a
syndicate of Helena men. The tunnel is
already in upwards of 100 feet and kid
neys of galena ore carrying gold and sill
yer in quantities are found. The indi-
cations are considered good, although
sufficient depth has not yet been reached
to determine the value of the property.
The lead is wide, true assure. strongly
mineralized and shown to continue for
long distance through the claim.
The Butte inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1901-1912, 1901-11-05
ORE FOUND ON A FARM.
It Is Low Grade on the Surface, But
Better Below.

There is a copper prospect within %
miles of this place that promises to de-
velop into great mine. 1t is in the
granite near the contact between gran
tie and slate. There are half a dozen
parallel leads. The outcrOp though
strong for a thousand feet or more indi-
Gates that the veins are only about Is
inches in width, but development dis
closes fully three feet at some depth.
The ore is low grade, CARRYING copper,
silver and gold, with occasional kidneys
of rock that goes so per cent in copper.
This prospect is on titled land and there
is no vacant government land in that
: vicinity, hence it is no field for the
prospector, but it is a nice showing for
the capitalist. The fact of it's being stu
ated in granite inspires the confidence of
old time miners and the existence OF
parallel leads gives evidence of per-
manency. This new camp Is on the
Smith river watershed and is to be de-
veloped to a considerable extent within
the next two years. We do not look for
anything from 1t in the immediate flu
ture, but are assured that 1t will some
day prove one of the valleys sources OF
wealth.-White Sulphur Springs Hus-
bandman.
The Butte inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1901-1912, 1901-11-05
A PONDEROUS PUMP
IT IS BEING INSTALLED AT THE
1900 OF THE LEONARD.
1000 GALLONS PER MINUTE
Will Drain the Entire Group Of Boston
& Montana Mines at Meader-
ville-Its Lifting Power
Great.

The Boston & Montana company is not
resting wholly upon it's ores while it's
smelter at Great Falls is being put in
shape for another years run. 1t is busy
at both ends Of the line. AT the Leon
ard mine a mammoth pump is being IN
stalled at the 1200-foot station. This
piece Of machinery will throw 1000 gal
Ions of water to the surface every min
ute which is the modest quantity OF
lao, 900 gallons per day, just enough to
float a modern gunboat.
The company has long had in view
the placing Of a large pump at the 12OO.
but realizing that the work of getting
the machinery down the shaft and put
ting it together below could not be ac-
complished in day, it concluded to run
along in the even tenor of its way until
an opportunity such as the present pre-
scented itself. When operations in the
mines are resumed, which it is thought
will be some time next week, the pom
derous pump will be ready for business
All of the company's mines at Meader-
willie are drained through the Leonard
shaft. The water from the East and
West Colusas, Pfccolo and Gambetta
and possibly one or two others find a
temporary level in the stump of that
property by reason of the laws of CRAWL
tation. The flow is not inf1nitesimal, but
up to the present time the smaller pumps
have been able to cope with it. For years
the company had a magnificent pump
at the 600 station. but as the workings
ieepened it became necessary to employ
greater force to keep the water out
and the new one was ordered.
The Butte inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1901-1912, 1901-11-05
GOLD ORE IN THE EMPIRE.
Vein Is Said to Be Is Feet Wide and
Worth From 81 to $40 Per Ton.

A large body of free milling ore, aver
aging in value from 81 to $40 per ton,
has been struck in the Empire mine,
says the Great Falls Tribune. The Su-
perior & Montana Development company
recently pumped out the S5-foot Wine,
which was sunk years ago. short
distance from the tunnel In the Empire,
and retnbered the drift @ After this
was done crOss-cut was run to the
vein and body of free milling ore
over 10 feet wide was found. The plans
of S. Howard Brady, the manager of
the company, are to thoroughly pros
pect this property and develop it so as
to put large amount of ore in sight
before the mill is started.
The chances are that although active
development will proceed upon the prop
erty. no steps will be taken to start the
mill for at least six months. The COM
pany is a very strong one, composed of
the most skilful, practical mining men
of the Michigan peninsula. and conse-
quently they are going to develop the
mine thoroughly and put sufficient
quantity of ore in sight before an at
tempt is made to start the MILL The
| operations of this syndicate are being
watched with interest by people of
Marysville and Helena, because it's Sue
cess means that large amount of capt.
tai will go into the development of the
Marysville camp.
The big 5O0-ton cyanide plant at the
Empire mine is being tested. The first
test will be made on one tank, so as to
avoid any possible chance of a freeze
up. AS soon as the property is thor
oughly tested the full plant will be mt
into operation, if freezing weather does
not intervene. Should freezing weather
come, the starting of the plant will be
delayed until spring. 1t is one of the
| most complete and finest cyanide plants
| in the northwest.
The Butte inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1901-1912, 1901-11-05
NINE IN A CITY STREET.
Western Methods Employed in Build
ing Gotham's Rapid Transit.

To discover mining operations con-
Quoted on a large scale in the streets OF
a city gives striking indication of the
magnitude of the engineering problems
entailed by the new Rapid Transit Sub
way in New York.
Far UPTOWN at the corner of 16Sth
street and the Boulevard, in New York.
on rocky hill of the same material
as the Palisades across the Hudson river.
stands a little building recognizable by
one who knows mining as shaft house.
Up at 1S1st street is another. Inside
each is an engine and drum: outside
is framework for two elevators that
| run alternately up and down great
square shaft-the mine.
| In no essential particulars do these
mines. with street cars running 100 feet
above them in New York city differ
from the mines of Michigan and Colo
RADIO. Where timhering is necessary it
is regular mine timbering.
The tunnel has become the home of
lsan army of rats; no mine is lucky, miners
! say, unless it harbors rats.
| The four mules employed in each tun-
mel are stabbed there below near the
bottom of the shaft. Never going up to
the surface, they plod steadily along
the tramway, with their carloads of
! rock. "A
With all the manifold activities of an
Eastern city above it. pleasure carriages
on the BouleYard. rumhling, wagons on
l. the pavements of Amsterdam avenue a
| stones throw away, the erection of new
! buildings that will soon blCt out the
| greenery that still exists in the region.
the mine a hundred feet below is typical
! ly- Western
A trip down the elevator shaft at 16Sth
! street-a trim that hundreds will take
when the Subway is finshed-is like
an Ara bian Nights Transformation: one
moment the hustle and sum- ght of busy
New York suburb. the next Black
Hills sump.-World's Work.
The Butte inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1901-1912, 1901-11-05
Small Boys Desire.

Clifford was a good sized boy, but was
still in knickerbockers. He had lost a
near and dear relative, and was heart
broken. A wealthy uncle. on visit to
the family. undertook to divert his mind.
Clifford, my boy" said the uncle,
well go downtown pretty soon, and I
want you to think up something you
would rather have than anything else in
this world. Make up your mind now,
and Wen get it, no matter what it is"
Clifford reflected for several minutes.
Then his face frightened.
Get me a pair of suspenders. uncle. "
he said.-Chicago Tribune.
The Butte inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1901-1912, 1901-11-05
Nuggets in Dress Parade.

One of the interesting minor incidents
of the convention of the California Min
ers' association was a display of striking
nuggets of almost pure gold, combined
with a small percentage of quartz, made
by John Schroeder of Mariposa county.
One nugget carried over 500 worth of
gold. The specimens came from the
Schroeder mine on Saxon creek near the
town of Mariposa. Similar rich nuggets
have come from the same mine in the
past.