davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Savannah morning news., 1901-10-22
Bill Nye's Wonder.

IT think the late Bill Nye was at his
best when an opportunity presented
itself to make humorous remarks about
himself or his own misfortunes," said
M. A. Marks during a conversation in
which the writings of the humorist
were discussed, according to the Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
II remember an incident which hap
pened in Madison, Ind, the town in
which / was born and raised I was
manager of the playhouse we had in
the town, and when upon a. certain oc-
casion the Women's Relief Corps, an
auxiliary organization to the G. A. R.,
wanted to get up an entertainment for
the purpose of raising money it asked
me to pick out something L thought
would be a drawing card.
II looked over the list of attractions
and ran across the names of Bill Nye
and James Whitcomb Riley, who were
then touring together l told the Ia
dies that in my opinion they could
make no better selection, and the hu-
morist and Hoosier poet were imme
diately communicated with. 1t so
happened that a few days later 1 had
to go to New York, and, of course,
left the entire matter with the ladies,
telling them to proceed at once with
selling tickets.
You may imagine my establishment
when I returned home on the day on
which the entertainment was to be
given, when one of the ladies came to
me and said that they had sold but
seven tickets and that they had aban'
doned the idea of holding the enter
tainment at all. The worst of it was
they had simply come to the conclu>
sion that they could make no money
out of the entertainment and dropped
it without communicating with Nye or
Riley or with their manager.
"Of course, in the afternoon they
both arrived on the train, and it de-
volved upon me to break the news to
them. shall never forget the feel
ing that came over me when I enter
ed their room in the tavern at which
they had put up. Riley was sitting in
a chair in an apparently meditative
mood, while Nye, with his back to-
ward the door, was unpacking his grip.
Nye did not look Up when 1 came in,
but kept right on unpacking, so I ad-
dressed my remarks at Riley. I said
that but seven tickets had been sold
and that the ladies had decided to
abandon the entertainment. Then Bill
Nye turned round and remarked: Only
seven tickets sold That's funny, be-
cause the people of this town never
heard US
The Savannah morning news., 1901-10-22
BRIGHT BITS.

One Infallible Rule.-''Pa, what's
the first requisite of a patriot?"
THAT he belong to our party."-Chi-
cago Record-Herald.
The Purchasing Limit.-Mr. Stein
sen (our latest millionaire, after mis-
third fruitless stalk) Now, look here,
you rascal! If you can't have the
brutes tanner, I'm hanged if I don't
sack youl-Punch.
Drain on the Empire.-"If the war
continues" groaned the British peer.
1--WE shall run out of metal"
For making guns for the men?"
asked the friend.
mo; for making medals for the Off
GERS. Chicago News.
"A Narrow Escape.-Miss Fisher:
Quite confidential chat you were hav-
ing with Miss Kutcher. I fear you'll
find me dull by comparison.
Mr.. Blunt: Not at all. It's a relief
to talk to a girl who isn't clev-that is
-er-not at all! Not at all!-Philadel-
phia Press.
What He Smelled.-"I smell some
thing burning" said the husband after
he had lighted his pipe and settled back
in the easy chair for a comfortable
smoke.
isn't it deliciousl" exclaimed his
wife joyously; Il emptied whole lot
of rose leaves in your tobacco jar!"-
Ohio State Journal.
Theodore: It's all right, darling. I
have met your father, and we took to
one another at once. He even went
so far as to borrow $40 of me- Surely,
he can't refuse me your hand after
that.
Edith: Dory, I'm afraid you've made
a mess of it. Pa told me about the
$40, and said I'd better let you slide;
that you were too easy.-Boston Tran
script.
Explaining the Map.-"Well," said
the first bicyclist, 1--WE ought to be
right in the middle of Bliggville, ac-
cording to the map, yet, as you may
see for yourself, we are on a mud road
some miles from anywhere"
II can't understand it," said the Sec
ond bicyclist, unless the map was
made by some of those naval experts"
Baltimore American.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-10-22

Oberlin, o., In the center of the Con-
necticut Western Reserve, is probably
the most Puritanic spot in the entire
United States, says the Pittsburg Dis
patch. A large university gives the
town its being and so jealousy have
the college fathers guarded the morals
of their young people that not only is
the sale of liquor prohibited in the viii
lage limits and for miles around, but
tobacco, whether for smoking, chewing
or shutting, is unknown in the stores,
while playing cards are even scarcer
than the proverbial hens teeth.
Once Mr.. Monroe. formerly a con-
gresham from the Oberlin district.
was the leading Republican of the viii
lage, and usually entertained political
orators of the party when they visited
the city" During Mr.. McKinley's first
gubernatorial campaign Prof. Monroe
had the pleasure of entertaining the
candidate. After dinner on the evening
preceding the address, Mr.. Mckinley
took cigar from his pocket, and cas-
ually remarked:
You don't mind if I smoke. do you,
professor"
Mr.. Monroe was aghast. He didn't
wish to appear inhospitable, yet dread
ed the almost certain social ostracism
due to following the discovery of &.
smoker on his plaza, even be he the
prospective Governor of the great state
He compromised by conducting Mr..
Mckinley to the second floor, through
a long hall to back balcony, where,
safely screened from public view, the
weed was enjoyed. AS the smoke curl
ed upward instinctively Mr.. Mckinley
looked about him for a cuspidor.
There isn't such a thing in town."
said Prof. Monroe.
A coal bucket was finally impressed
into service as a compromise.
Two days after the Oberlin meeting
Mr. Mckinley spoke at East Liver
pool, the great pottery center. Chanc-
ing to mention the Oberlin experience
to his friend, Col. John N. Taylor. the
proprietor of one of the big potteries,
he said
"By the way, Taylor, just for a joke,
send a gross of your china spittoons to
Prof. Monroe. Don't tell him where
they came from or he'll suspect 1 had
hand in it."
Following the suggestion, Col Taylor
Grated up an assortment of really beau
tiful chinaware and sent it to Oberlin.
A year later Mr.. Mckinley was again
Mr.. Monroe's guest. Forewarned and
consequently fore armed with liberal
supply of good Havanas. he again
sought the vine-clad balcony. Lighting
his cigar, he said, with a twinkle of his
eye:
You haven't cuspidor in town yet,
have you, Monroe?"
TITS mighty funny" was the re-
Spouse, but few days after you were
here last year some one sent me a
whole crate of those things. OF course,
1 hadn't any use for them, and they
were such nice china and so prettily
painted that my wife used them all for
flower pots. There isn't one about the
house not in USE
The Savannah morning news., 1901-10-22
NOT YET PERFECT.

Wireless telegraphy is in use every
day, in this country and Europe, and
Great Britain has adopted it in her
navy. Nevertheless the system lacks
much of perfection. This was shown
during the recent yacht races. The
government had experts at the races
for the specific purpose of watching
and investigating the workings of the
wireless telegraph, three plants of
which were employed in sending bull
letins ashore from the scene of the
race. The report of these experts, it
is expected, will cause the government
to delay indefinitely the adoption of
wireless telegraphic signaling in the
navy.
One of the great difficulties in wire
less telegraphing is that every instru-
ment that has yet been devised is sub
ject to interference: that is. it will
respond to electric waves that were
not intended for it. and when two or
more sets of instruments are working
at the same time within the magnetic
field of each other, their waves become
so involved and mixed that it is i'm
possible to receive any intelligent mes
sage. During the yacht races efforts
We're made to operate three sets OF in
struments at the same time. The re-
suit was bungle and tumble at the
receiving stations. The operators
agreed among themselves, therefore,
that only one set should be operated
at time, and specific periods were as
signed to each for the sending of mes
sages. Under that arrangement If one
operator took more than his allotted
time in sending his messages the start
ing up of the other "senders" would
interfere and spoil the transmission.
BY means of this interference It can
be seen that an enemy by bringing a
wireless telegraphing station, on ship
board or otherwise, within the range
Of influence of sending station might
so confuse the electric waves as to
render them useless and thus prevent
the sending of important dispatches.
Another failing of the system is its
wire or cable is as secret as the grave.
but by wireless method 1t is the prop
erty of anyone who places a receiving
instrument within the radius of the
electric waves of the sending station.
At sea week or so ago two ships were
in wireless communication with each
other for more than an hour, at dis
tances ranging from twenty to more
than sixty miles. Neither ship was IN
sight of the other at any time. Had
they been naval vessels of the same
country exchanging messages and or
ders in that manner during war time,
a ship of the enemy might have been
anywhere within circle Of many miles
and received and read every one Of the
messages without disclosing its pres
ence or running any risk of detection.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-10-22
REFoRMERs ATTACK RAINEs LAW

One of the most militant reformers
in the present New York city campaign
is Justice william Travers Jerome. He
has been humorously referred to as the
trousered Carrie Nation. because of his
frequent smashing of doors and other
things to get at law breakers. But
while he is a reformer, and is devoted
to upholding the law. he is very we'll
aware of the fact that law which has
not the sympathy and support of the
people cannot be enforced. Had he not
learned this otherwise, his experience
as a magistrate would have forced the
conclusion upon him.
In a speech delivered a day or two
ago Justice Jerome attacked what has
become famous under the name of the
"Raines Law" a statute for the gov
eminent of the liquor trade. The
Raines Law was passed several years
ago by Republican legislature as
means of Furnishing the Democratic
government of New York city, and by
certain reformers was hailed with de-
light as long step in the right direc-
ton. AS to the effects of the law, JUS
tice Jerome said it had brought into
existence an element of sneaks. black
mailers and law breakers. His conclu-
sion was that the Raines Law should
not be enforced against the wishes of
the majority of the population, and was
now an object of contempt.
During the course of his speech JUS
tice Jerome made several assertions
that should be not without interest in
this state. where fight is being made
against local option in favor of total
prohibition. One of the most striking
was this I'm the state of Maine,
which is a prohibition community, a
committee of which Seth Low was a
member some time ago discovered that
there were as many federal excise
stamps sold as in the state of New
York" He meant, of course, in proper
ton to population. Do the peo-
pie up in Maine purchase these
federal licenses "for fun or
because they wish to aid in swelling
the revenues of the general govern
ment? The question carries its own
answer. The fact is that there is a
large liquor traffic in Maine
1t is understood that about the same
condition of affairs exists in Kansas,
and that in neither Maine nor Kansas
is it difficult to procure liquor. Mrs.
Carrie Nation certainly had no trouble
in finding saloons in a dozen Kansas
cities and towns upon which to prac-
tice with her Ratchet. The very near
est approach to prohibition that is pos
sihle while human nature remains I'M
changed is to be had under local OPP
tion--the good, old Democratic plan of
local lf-government. This has been
illustrated in the failure of the Raines
Law in New York, and the non-prohi-
bition of the general prohibition laws
of Maine and Kansas.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-10-22
A BENEVOLENT
enterprise,
IS THE BRITISH MEDICAL INSrIr,,r,
AT 10 YORK ST, W. ''
1t Gives Three Months Ss,,,.
Free TO All InvaIids Who Call IVY
Before November 9,

A staff of eminent physicians
surgeons from the British Medic, -
stitute have, at the urgent solicita+ta.
of a large number of patients ma
their care in this country, estabIlsSs,
a permanent branch of the Institrto -
this city at No. Is York ST VS. u
Henderson Building Rooms l. .
Opp. Post Office.
These eminent gentlemen hava 1.
c:ded to give their services entirelv t.e,
for three months (medicines excenta%
to all invalids who call upon them ~!
treatment between now and Nov q
These services consist not only of cor
sultation, examination, and advice h',
also of all minor surgical Operations
The object in pursuing this cours.
is to become rapidly and personalIv
acquainted with the sick and af1ictss
and under no conditions will anv
charge whatever be made for any ser.
vices rendered for three months n
all who call before November 9.
The doctors treat all forms of dis.
ease and deformities, and guarants.
a.cure in every case they undertake
At the first interview a thorough ev.
animation is made, and, if incurable
you are frankly and kindly told so
also advised against spending yonr
money for useless treatment.
Male and female weakness, catarrh
and catarrhal deafness, also rupture
goitre, cancer. all skin diseases and
all diseases of the rectum, are positive.
ly cured by their new treatment
The chief associate surgeon of ths
Institute, is in personal charge
Office hours from a. M, till 8 D. m
No Sunday hours
SPECIAL NOTICE-If you cannot
call. send stamp for question blank tor
home treatment
The Savannah morning news., 1901-10-22
MIssIssIPPIs CONVICT FARMS.

Mississippi is evidently we'll pleased
caring for convicts. Under a recently
enacted law the state convicts are en-
ployed upon farms. The law has been
in force only a few years, but its work
ings have so far been of such a salts
factory nature that the farm estab-
lishment is to be largely increased. At
present the convicts are divided among
twelve farms, aggregating about 10000
acres. The principal crop cultivated
is cotton, though attention is given to
the raising of food crops needed for the
feeding of the prisoners. Last year
the income of the state farms was, in
round numbers. $125,0O0. A few weeks
ago deal was closed by which the
state will come into possession of
about $1,000 additional acres of land.
These acres will be at once converted
into convict farms and planted in cot
ton. 1t is expected that the income
from this addition to the state farm
acreage will approximate 100000 the
first year.
The Mississippi officials congratulate
themselves not only upon the fact that
the penitentiary institution is self sus-
tanning, and a little better, but that
they have less trouble with the prison
ers than under the old system. There
is less sickness, less obstinacy and
fewer deaths among the convicts
since they have been put to manual
labor in the open air. And in thus
earning their own living and a surplus
to go to the state, it is argued that the
convicts are making some restitution
to the public for their evil deeds and
the cost of the courts.
Louisiana and Alabama have re-
Gently established convict farms and
engaged in the raising of cotton, after
the plan of Mississippi. So far there
has been no effect upon the cotton
market by reason of these convict cot
ton producers. But could the idea be
extended to all of the cotton states
without the influence being felt in the
markets? Should it ever occur that
convict labor resulted in swelling the
cotton crop to a figure that would tend
to drive down prices, there would be
at once a demand for the withdrawal
of stripe-wearing hands from the cot
ton fields.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-10-22
PERSONAL.

Donna Lima, widow of Crispi, is
her husband and a collection of his
unofficial letters.
The Sultan of Turkey received in
private audience recently at CONSTANT
nople Gen. Horace Porter, United
States Ambassador to France, and
Mrs. Porter. To the former he pre-
sented a valuable souvenir, and upon
the latter he conferred the Grand
Gordon of Chefakat. Later in the day
Gen. Porter and Mrs. Porter took tea
in the Yildiz Park.
Samuel McCaughey, an Irishman,
who went to Australia in 1856 with
practically nothing, is now the cattle
king of that continent. Though he
met with discouraging failures at first
he now owns more sheep than any
other man in the world and more acres
of land than sheep. One of his farms,
on the Darling Downs, is thirty-six
miles long and forty miles wide. AL
together he owns more than a million
acres, and leases as many more.
The Chief Secretary for Ireland
recently visited Killarney in connection
with his tour through the western dis
tricts, and advantage was taken of
this circumstance to present Mr. Wynd-
ham at the railway station with an
Irish blackthorn. A similar gift had
been made to his predecessor in office,
and Mr.. Gerald Balfour, in acknowl-
edging the present, writes: 81 may
say of this blackthorn what Mr.. Glad
stone once said of a stick presented to
him by deputation. This is a good
stick; good to look at; good to handle
but 1 should not like to be hit over
the head with it. This, I understand,
sums up all the virtues which a good
blackthorn should possess"
The Savannah morning news., 1901-10-22
SAMAR A HOT-BED.

During all of the time of their occu-
pancy of the Philippines the Spaniards
never pacified or perfectly controlled
Samar From time to time they sent
punitive expeditions against the island
ers, to punish them for the murder of
Spanish traders and others. but there
never was an effective government by
the Spaniards in the island. 1t is not
greatly to our discredit, therefore, that
we have failed in the few months of
our occupancy of Samar to establish
ourselves in power and the confidence
Of the natives. The disasters which
have overtaken the Ninth Regiment re-
Gently. and the other impending disas-
tiers that were discovered and averted
in the nick of time, are sufficient to
show that the situation must be grasp
ed promptly and firmly to prevent
much more bloodshed and the indefinite
postponement of the pacification of the
islands.
The policy Of the Americans has been
to extend civil government to the ISL
ards as rapidly as possible, and in Sa-
mar the natives were given consider
able degree of control of their own po-
litical affairs. And they repaid the con-
fidence reposed in them with treach-
cry. The "presidente" of the village
where the recent slaughter occurred,
as well as other leading natives, were
parties to the plot to kill the Ameri
he ~ tho Snxy6ra1 &c
of insurgent forces in cutting off or
surprising and massacreing American
soldiers in Samar is already to be no.
ticed elsewhere in the archipelago. In
Luzon there has been renewed insur-
gent activity. Even Manila has not been
free from the fermentation. For some
time the natives have been carrying
wagon and carriage springs out of the
city for the purpose of making bolos,
as the murderous native war knives
are called. To deal with the situation
gently, and permit possibly other sue
cesses on the part of the natives, would
be to encourage the reminding Of the
war which, it was hoped, had been
practically stamped out when Aguinal-
do was captured.
In view of the facts, it is not going
to be practicable to reduce the number
Of troops in the islands at an early
day. The natives must be taught that
the United States are master of the
situation and propose to remain so;
that if there is ever a withdrawal by
them from the islands it will be volun-
tary and not forced. And the quicker
the natives are brought to a full I'M
derstanding of this fact, the better it
will be for all concerned.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-10-22
THE MORNING NEWS Is published

THE MORNING NEWS - published
every day in the year. and served TO
subscribers in the city. or sent by mail,
at 20 cents month, $500 for stx months,
and $500 for one year.
THE MORNING NEWS, by mail. six
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year, 500.
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week (Monday and Thursday. by mall
one year, 500.
Subscriptions payable in advance. Re
NIT by money order, check or registered
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sender.
Transient advertisements, other than
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amusements and cheap or want column,
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ct business office.
Orders for delivery OF tbs Morning News
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40. Any irregularity in delivery should
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letters and kilograms should be ad-
dressed "MORNING NEWS" Savannah.
Ga
EASTERN OFFICE, Park Row.
New York City, H. C. Faulkner. Manager.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-10-22

The methods Of the Judge advocate
of the court of inquiry Capt. Lenly,
are doing as much as anything else to
convince the country of the baseless-
ness of the charges against Rear Ad-
miral Schley. Be it known that a court
of inquiry is not a trial court, that Ad-
miral Schley has been formally accused
of nothing and that all that the regu-
lations of the department and the
usages of naval courts require is that
the judge advocate shall place before
truth and nothing else. Machinists
Claxton and Hunley of the Texas were
brought to Washington by subpoenas
issued by the judge advocate. An im-
portant point in the case has been to
determine whether or not the port en-
as TO avoid collision with the Brook
Ign. Claxton only was placed on the
stand and testified that he reversed
the port engine. Nothing was heard
from Hunley until counsel for the ap-
plicant CHANGED 10 discover him, when
he was placed on the stand by them.
He testified that he and not Claxton
had been at the port engine and that
Il had not been reversed. From this In
cident. and II Is but one OF many IL
does not seem that Judge Advocate
Lemly is wholly unbiased, but
rather that ne Is applying the cheap
est 81 the legal methods he Is wont 10
condemn 10 the conduct Of the case.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-10-22

A young girl in her teens has been
exercising some of the functions Of the
chief magistrate of New Jersey, dur
ing the temporary absence of Gov.
Voorhees, from the state capital. She
is Miss Alice Gill, the governors stem
ographer. The governor and his per-
sonal and official staff, with the ex-
ception of Miss Gill, are at the Buffalo
Exposition and she is left in sole
charge. She has signalized her tenn
porary reign by issuing requisition
on the governor of Pennsylvania for
the surrender of criminal and by pre-
pairing and signing. in the name of the
governor, a number of other papers of
legal Importance