davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times., 1901-06-23
TRICKS OF DEsERTERs.
Devices of British Soldiers Who Tire
OF Army Life.

To desert from either the army or the
navy is not the easiest thing in the world,
and even when accomplished the culprit
lives in daily fear of being recaptured and
sentenced 20 q heavy term of imprison-
ment. Therefore the devices employed
by some deserters are as ingenious as
they are exciting. although they cannot
be said to be always crowned with sue
cess. For sheer audacity the case of an
Irish soldier who deserted In a south
coast town some years ago would be hard
TO beat. just at that time a number Of
desertion had occurred in the neighbor-
hood and the authorities were therefore
unusually sharp to prevent further Of
fences of this nature. But the man in
question was dissatisfied with soldering,
and having a number Of friends in the
town who were disposed to help him, and
being possessed of an unusually large mo-
dicum of pluck. resolved to delay his re-
turn TO civil life no longer
One morning early he slipped out of
barracks and made his way to friends
house without being seen. Arriving there
he shaved off his mustache, and donning
policeman's uniform. boldly promenad-
ed the main streets of the town He was,
of course, missed in barracks and knew
that the surrounding country was being
one occasion his sergeant came up to him
and asked him If he had seen or heard
anything of the missing man, and he of
course replied that he had not but he
would keep his eyes open, For more than
a fortnight he preserved his disguise with
out it being penetrated even by the police
themselves, and he then calmly left the
town when the hue and cry had subsid-
ed somewhat. Nevertheless, his enter
prise came to naught. for he was arrest
ed in trying to work his passage back to
Ireland.
Scarcely less audacious was the ruse
employed by another dissatisfied son of
Mars and in this case, likewise, IT prov
ed futile. He happened to know that
certain publican in the town was in any
thing but afffuent circumstances. for he
visited the house regularly. and from re-
marks dropped at odd times discovered
that the publican was heavily in debt to
a Scotch spirit merchant. One morning,
as soon as the publican opened his doors
the soldier arrived. after having first dis
guised himself with a beard and wig and
donned civilian attire.
With him came a friend. who agreed to
act as a representative of the law, and
he promptly told the astonished publican
that he had orders to leave a man In pos
session unless the sum owing to the
Scotch spirit merchant was paid TO him
there and then. The publican, of course,
could not pay, so the deSerter was quar-
tered upon him and lived in his house and
at his expense for more than week be-
fore the deception was discovered. Per-
haps the most successful deserter-for a
time-was William Conrad. Through one
The times., 1901-06-23

and slipped from the good mares back
and clutched at my stirrup.
And so we came Into camp. The High
landers, reused by my bugle-eaIi and by
the nusketry. We're up and running for
ward with bared blades: and only in the
nick of time l jerked the password out
and painted Foes behind. and turned my
over-ridden beast to meet the enemy.
We took them to man. Their head
long pace had driven them almost on TO
the claymOres of the HighlanderS. and
when they sought to turn, their horses.
spent with the long ride, refused TO move
foOtpace further.
No slaughter; make them prisoners"
voice rang out
by, when the Dragons had been escorted
with much laughter of the bagpipes into
camp, His Highaess came to where Mac
GregOr and myself were standing
ing. and watching the sweat run off in
rivers from each others faces.
Ihat was hazardous venture, Mr..
Austruther." he said
Il We known but one equal TO Il for jol-
lily, your Highness," / answered, still
painting in my speech, "and that was
when | Kept the stair against the men of
Kirtlebrae But Captain MacGregor here
should have fun half of the credit"
Nae, nae" muttered Archie. Il did
but kiss the millers daughter time or
very kindly. "The den fattIz-r>i both of
you, l fancy" SAID he, srniiIug. Hr.
Ansruther. what request have you 10
make? Any you wish, so long as it be
great enough
ITO go with you to London. sire, and set
you on the throne" L answered.
But the Prince turned aside; and /
thought the tears were in his eyes as /
spoke of London and the crown. And
well they might But that does not con-
cern these lightiy-written memoirs, for we
had not then begun the drear retreat from
Derby.
have been garrulots, 4 faith. I crave
your pardon. But that nfoonlit ride 70
Congreton has stirred my Pulse all afresh.
and they say the pen should keep such
memoirs of the sword alive.-Hallewell
SutIifre in Casselrs Magazine.
The times., 1901-06-23

Of his comrades he heard of a man whose
son had gone to Australia gold mining,
and had apparently disappeared. for moth
ing more had been heard Of him. though
the parent stiIl believed he would see him
again. Conrad therefore hit upon the in
genious idea of leaving the army by
stealth. and, going to the man. informing
him that he was the missing son. AS his
knowledge of Australia was considerable.
he lost no time In putting his plan into
execution and the parent, believing in
him despite the supposed alteration IN his
appearance, provided him with a home
and money galore, a commodity he con-
fesssd he lacked But, unfortunately fOr
him, at the end of eighteen months the
real son turned up, and what followed can
better be imagined than described. The
Reefmeuf
The times., 1901-06-23
Some Distinction in That.

From the Detroit Free Press.)
She-Don't let nv refusal of your proposal
embitter you. Mr.. Simpkins-
He-Oh no; after ali, it IS something 70 have
even been rejected by girl who owns 4 500 dog
The times., 1901-06-23
Cooler Than Kerosene.

CFtom the Chicago News.)
'They say Joe Dobbs is dreadfully penurious"
''Penurious? He tells that he reads his
evening paper by bottleful Of lightning
bugs"
The times., 1901-06-23
Rough on n Thespian star.
From the glasgow Evening Times.)

tfTOH lic bidHeO" i1'eiii'o Ai'''e+'f
Manager (to new actor)-Your performance
of Hamlet is the very worst I've ever seen. II
there had been any money in the house should
have been bouHd in honor to return it at the
doors. As it IS several friends have sent IN ana
neremptorily demanded that their names should
be removed from the free list.
The times., 1901-06-23
suburban weIEhts.

(From the Boston Globe)
''What are you carrying those bricks and old
cans forP
Man From the Suburbs-Well. didn't happen
to have any bundles tonight, but | never allow
myself to get out Of training!
The times., 1901-06-23
In a Law school.
lr.on 49, Richmond nisnatchN

CFrom the Richmond Dispateh)
Professor-What is generally understood by the
phrase IAN action at law?
Student-An action at law is generally under
stood to mean a condition precedent to positive
iuaCton.
The times., 1901-06-23
For Shining.
lrrnm tbe petroit &c Press.l

(FrOm the Detroit fFet FIes7-J
Mr.. Jacksing-Ye see dat pomperous-lookin.
ysn'Iemun cross de street? Dat Cuhneu
S,,oUbaIl de riches gen iemun in Dahkyilie.
Nr. Johnsing-Shohl you don't sayI Whah'd he
git Dat money!
Mr.. Jacksing-M Manufacturing face powdah. san.
An (conadeutiaIly) to tell de homes troof
inspec' dat de hull proposition Of dat poTdah aw
nuthin' moh dan powdahed ehaheoal, sab.
The times., 1901-06-23
In : FIourishing Condition.
(Fron1 he Chieago Tribune !

(FrOm The Lhlc1gO 1rlDune.J
OId-Fashioned PastOr-YOu observe falling
of in spirituality in your congregation. l hOpe7
Popular Young Clergyman-I think congre-
CATION has never been as active in church work
as now. The ladies' ice cream socials are ex-
ceIlenty attended, and last rummage sale
realized nearly S3I5 for the organ fund
The times., 1901-06-23
Wenther Productions.

(From the Pittsburg Chronicle Teiegraph)
eft looks as though rain were coming up"
said Mr. Beilefeld early this morning. scanning
"oh. never mind" added his wife 'It will
come down by and by"
The times., 1901-06-23
A Moving Tale.
CFrom the Philadelphia Press.

(From the Philadelphia Press.)
''When I first settled here said the Kansas
man, my nearest neighber twenty-five miles
away, but now he's just across the road
''The way you put it" remarked the East
erner. that doesn't show anything. That nay
mean-''
at shows. my friend, that cyclones are mighty
powerful that's all. 3"
The times., 1901-06-23
Another Mouth 90 Feed.

From the Detroit Free Press.)
Use Just got ter have mo- wages, missy.
''But, Matilda we are paying you SIS month
now -
Use aware OBJ dat, missy, but Use gwine ter
he married. :"
The times., 1901-06-23
Information.
tFrom the Chicago Tribu

tFrom the Chicago Tribune.)
Mrs. Ferguson-George. how do they read
man out of the partyf
Mr.. Ferguson-Wel. l suppose they put his
name in the index expurgatoFius, and then let
things take their course"
The times., 1901-06-23
A scheme.

From the Ohio State JournaL)
Swiggers-That man Killtime is a shrewd fel-
lowl
SwaEgers-Why?
SW-Ggers-He gave a lawn moving party yes
terday and had the guests cut all the grass.
The times., 1901-06-23
Good Evidence.
(From the London Fun

(From the London Fun)
Nervous Lady Passenger Ito deck hand)-Hsve
you ever seen any worse weather than this, Mis-
ter Sailor?
Deck Hand-Take a word from old salt,
mum; the wpatheT's never very bad while there's
any faraIcs ON dock a-makin, henauiries about it.
The times., 1901-06-23
COSTS Roo Much for Most PeopIe.
CFrom Jujge.)

Crawford-How do you figure that the Exposi-
tion a. Buffalo is better than the they had
at PARISH
Crabshaw-It doesn't cost so much to get there.
The times., 1901-06-23
The Real Frauds.

(From the Chicago NewsD
Nrs Stubl-Iohn, l see something about the
'pension frauds" Can you explain What they
are2 A.
Mr.. Stubb-No. Maria but can give you the
cards OF few 'shyster' attorneys. They are the
real pension Frauds
The times., 1901-06-23
Some Difference.

(From the London Punch.)
Thirty (O-Did he say he knew when was
a girlY
Sweet T1venty-oh, no. He said he remembers
you when he was a boy.
The times., 1901-06-23
Analytical Punishment.


(From the Indianapolis Press)
The worst boy in school had played hockey,
the teacher had given him tW enty lashes with
hickory CAD and sent him to stand in the cor
Rer.
..This, children" the teacher said, sis an
object lesson in what some scientists call absent
trea trucut" "
The times., 1901-06-23
A Familiar Illustration.
(From the Pittsburg Bulletin-l

''Papa, what is a kins?'
"A king. my child, IS person whose authoriy,
is practically unlimited whose WoFd Is ia"' Aho
whom everybody must obey
PAPA IS mamma kingF
The times., 1901-06-23
CURRENT HUI UMOR
A Bad Break.

(From the indianapolis Sun.)
whats the matter with Rod and Miss Gull
pepper?''
They're mad, / believe. You know Rod is a
hunting enthusiast, and ne got in a dreamy mood
the other night and asked Miss Culpepper if she
used smOkeleSs powder"
The times., 1901-06-23
sn sweet of Her.

(From the London Punch)
Mrs Chatterleigh-Fancy dear, at the Browns
last night they were all saying how glad they
were TO hear that you were at last engaged. OF
eourse | didn't believe the report. dear, and said
| wondered anyone could be 50 stupid as to
imagine anything absurd!
The times., 1901-06-23
ChIOrOform Her.

(From the New York HeraId.)
When you start for the country don't leave
your cat to starve to death or drive your stay
at-home neighbors to distraction.
The times., 1901-06-23
wisdom in the West.

CFrom the Atchison Globe.)
An Atchison woman counts her spoons before
she permits her guests to leave the table.
The times., 1901-06-23
a Wise Patient.
(From the Atlanta ConstitrliOn-) }

(From the Atlanta Constitueion-)
One of these ''healers'' who was in Georgia
some time ago was approached by 4 man with
the rheumatism and gold-headed cane.
drop the cane" said the healer. ''and depart
in peaee!
'tNeyer!" exclaimed the THAT cane cost
The times., 1901-06-23
swindIed Mt the Dinner Table.
(From the Chicago News.)

Little Tommy-Mamma, that good beef We
had for dinner. Where did you get it2
Asmma-fhat wasn't beef, my son It was
roast pork
Little TeG;my-Then why didn't you ell ne
beforel You know l don't like pork.
The times., 1901-06-23
Reasonable Objections An Around

(FTom the London Fun)
Cousin Tom-So you are not going to marry
him?
EleanOr-No.
Cousin Tom-Why not?
EIeanor-Well papa objects to his fortune,
mamma objects to his family, and object to
his character; and besides that, he has not asked
me yet.
The times., 1901-06-23
In Baseball Phrase.
OFrom the Denver Time.

(From the Denver TimeS.)
.'Mommer." said the languid young lady who
reclned on the parlor sofa, do you think 1t Is
wrong for girl to throw herself at manE'
Mommer replied: Not ii he is a good catch,
dear
The times., 1901-06-23
uncIe ,Rnstua, IdeaI.

(From the Chicago Tribune)
$50 you still long for the good old days down
South, do you, Uncle 'Rastust'
YES. sab. Life was one grand sweet 'tater in
dom ole days."
The times., 1901-06-23
u,sFnngs somewhere.
From The philadelphia Record. }

(From the Philadelphia Record)
Nell-Its ridiculous for her to behave in that
uppish fashion to me. Why she hasn't cut her
wisdom teeth yet
Bellc-Pcrhaps not, but the fact remains that
she has cut you.
The times., 1901-06-23
Wasted.
(From Judge.)

Clubbcrly-T wanted to play trick on Fid-
dleback and gave him one of the worst cigars
ever smoked
Castleton-Did you sncceed2
Clubberly-No He had smoked your cigars be-
The times., 1901-06-23
An Eye to Business.
From the Chicaeo Tribune. }


Mrs Brown-Will this bottle hold quarters
worth of hair tonic?
Druggist-Oh, yes. Mrs. Brown; / can make it
hold 80 cents worth ii you say so.
The times., 1901-06-23
The Modern Duel.

Small Man-Yes, sir; he's a contemptible
scoundreI and I told him so.
Big Man-Did he knock you down?
Small Man-No; l told him-er-through the
The times., 1901-06-23
The Tourist,s Excuse.

From the Ohio State Journal)
''What did Touriste 90 to Italy forG''
''ro see the sun set -
The times., 1901-06-23
Janus Faced Symptoms.

(From the Chicago Record-Herald.)
''Harry is so absent-rninded! He went up to
dress for party once, and went to bed instead
'.H'n! that looks to me like a fine case OF
presence of mind"
Washington sentinel., 1901-01-26

THE ANCIENT ORDER OF HI
bernians held a largely attended social
gathering in MacCabee Temple last
Sunday, delegations from the local
divisions, numbering eight. being on
hand. State President Rossa F. Down
ing presided and introduced the speak
ers.
Representative Foster. OF Illinois,
paid attention in his remarks to the
possibility OF an Anglo American alli-
ance and asserted that England was
exerting a powerful influence in this
behalf upon the American press. He
denied the claim OF England to be the
mother country Of America. the people
OF the latter being composite and made
up Of all races. He characterized Eng
lands show Of friendship for this coun-
try as hyPOcritical,
Rev. Joseph James Murphy OF the
Catholic University spoke uDon the
"Celt In America" Capt. Patrick
O'Farreli dwelt upon the Irish Soldier
in the Civil War" and Mr. P. 7. Moran,
the National Treasurer OF the order,
spoke upon the influence OF the A.O.A.
on the Irish question.
Refreshments we're served during the
afternoon,
Washington sentinel., 1901-01-26

WHENTHE SENATE WENT INTO
executive session last Tuesday the
treaty with Spain for the acquisition o.
the islands OF Sioitu and Cagayan Sulu,
OF the Philippine group. was taken up.
Theae islands are outside the lines des'
cribed by the Paris treaty, and the treaty
provides for the payment OF SIoo, 600 for
them. Several Senator'S manifested a
disposition to oppose the further acqui-
sition OF Oriental territory, and Senator
Lodge and other Republican members
Of the Committee on Foreign Relations
defended the purchase as necessary in
order 20 prevent European encroach.
ments upon the islands already in
control Of this country.
The debate was participated In by
Senators Lodge and Chandler in behalf
OF the treaty, end Senators Bacon,
Money, and Pettigrew in opposition.
Senator Lodge, speaking for the Com
mittee on Foreign Relations. said that
the treaty was made necessary by the
failure TO include the islands OF Sibutu
and Cagayan In the original negotiation,
and that It was necessary TO acquire
them to prevent GermanY's getting
possession of them. Their acquisition
by any foreign power would, be said,
be an awkward Circumstance for the
United States, and should be prevented
before il was too late. The opposition
Senators replied that the land was
worthless to the United States, and
added that as there was not haTbOr
on the coast Of any one OF them there
could be no object In any other countries
taking them. They also charged that |
as the islands are in the Sulu group the
population is polygamous and also that
slavery exists on the islands.
Senator Pettigrew said the new scqui
sitions were nearer the island OF Borneo |
than to any of the other islands OF the |
Pacific group, and be argued that If we
were to purchase CaEayan and Sibitu
Tor the defense of our existing posses
siOns we might soon expect to hear OF
the necessity Of purchasing Borneo for
the protection OF Cagayan and Sibitu.
A two thirds vote was necessary to
ratIiy, and the friends Of the treaty had
none to spare, the vote standing 3S to
Io
Washington sentinel., 1901-01-26
MEANs TO KILL.

When an American soldier lies down
to fire he does so with the intention OF
killing somebody. Most troops Are not
at the enemy, but in the direction of the
enemy. Not so the AmericaL.
Each an drew his watchful breath,
slow taken tween the teeth,
Trigger and eve and ear a-cOck, knit
brow and hard dra wn lips"
That is a picture OF the American
soldier firing on his foe. But allied to
their feline stealthiness the Americans
in battle have most reckless courage
An officer will take chances no European
would care to take. The field battery
was generally TO be found in places
where nobody, read in tactics, would
have dared to put it. General Chaffee
and his staff always rode where the
enemy was most likely to see aud shoot
at them. Young and inexperienced
correspondents we're warned by older
hands not to go during an action near
prominent buildings, large graves or the
American staff.
very.best OF friends. In fact, whenever
drinks we're handy, which was not often,
there was great talk Of the Anglo Saxon
alliance, We were not let into all the
secrets Of the war. but there we're prob
ABLY times when differences arose be-
tween the various generals. and on such
occasions there is reason to believe the
Americans generally supported the
British. One who overheard him told
me that once when the Americans sent
over to General Gaselee making somo
Washington sentinel., 1901-01-26

A STORY OF ALMOST ROMAN.
tic interest lay behind a resolution
offered in the House last Monday by
Mr. Turner OF Washington, 10 relation
TO the claim OF R. E. Brown against the
South African Republic. MIR, Brown
was an American engineer who went to
South Africa eight years ago. He
located a number Of gold mining claims
in WiIdonteIn, adopting up 10 date and
essentially American methods in his
work. He was deprived of his claims
by order OF the South African authorities
and instituted suit against them for
$3.50, 600. The case WaS decided by
the South African courts in favor Of Mr.,
Brown, bis contention being upheld on
every point, Notwithstanding the order
OF President Kruger withdrawing the
claims held by Mr.. Brown from location.
The judgment Of the court so incensed
President Kruger and his Volksraad
that the judges were removed summariIy
from office. Subsequently the new court
dismissed the case of Mr., Brown and he
was invited to institute a new suit.
Realizing that the court was packed
against him, he decided to appeal to his
own government for justice, and with
view TO securing his rights as defined by /
the highest court OF the TTapsvaal Re.
public.
Mr., Turner said the claims OF Mr..
Brown now were worth IS, ,ooo, 900 or
S6,OoO,ooo. In view Of the governmental
change that had taken place in the
Transvaal. Mr.. Turner said, the idea oi
his resolution was to press upon Great
Britain the meritOrious claim OF Mr.,
Brown and to ascertain what steps had
been taken by this Government in regard
TO II since Great Britain has assumed the
OF sovereign over that
territoritY.
Washington sentinel., 1901-01-26
Notice to Brewers.

A party who owns a Park OF about
Five Acres ofgrOund. desires a Brewery
located thereon. The Park is situated
between Railroad and Water transpor-
aticn IL is in the midst Of very large
population, who could consume all OF
che Pure Beer produced. The water In
he Park Is free from organic matter,
and all the water required for Brewing
purposes can be obtained in the Park.
Il will be disposed OF to Brewing
Company on reasonable terms. Any
person or persons desiring such a prop
eTty and location for a Brewery will
please make known their wishes to the
publisher Of this paper.
Washington sentinel., 1901-01-26
RccENTRIcITIKs NOTED.

Some Of the Americans made point
Ofwashing whenever they could. Others
never washed at all. Some carried tooth
brushes stuck in the ribbon OF their
slouch hats. Others had dirty pipes
stuck in the same place. II there
Is an aristocracY among the American
soldiers, it IS the aristocracy oil the clean.
A man who carried razor was looked
up to with reverence. 1t was good to
get your hair cut occasionally, but there
were individuals - 'independents"-
wbo looked more like wild beasts than
fighting men. Their hair hung in long
curls on their shoulders aud strayed into
their eyes.
Or one occasion pitched my modest
camp in front OF the beat Of an American
sentry. He watched my preparations
for making tea with great interest, and
when all was ready, calmly left his post |
and throwing his rifle on the grass,
helped hlmselfto a cup.
Then he fingered for about halt an /
hour to discuss American politics. He /
was BTyanite aud bored me to death.
I think if there had been no fighting /
all the foreign observers would have
gone back to their homes with a very
poor opinion of the efficiency OF the
American troops. Luckily for General
Chatfee and his soldiers there was fight.
ing. When you see an American private
advancing under fire you begin to think
there is something in the idea that the
fighting unit ot the future is the iudivid
ual. Private Silss P. Holt acts by him
self, for bimself, He and has companions
make for common objective not like
stiff, trained soldiers, but like panthers
stalking prey. Their eyes flash; their
1.-THE bodies swing forward. There is
murder and deadly intention in every
moXement.
Washington sentinel., 1901-01-26

TRAVEL, A LUxURY.-The Royal
Limited finest day train in the world,
leaving Washington B. & o. Station,
New Jersey Avenue and G Streets, daily,
3pm, arrives New York 8 pm. Splendid
dining and cafe car service
WASHTNGToN-ToLEDo SLREPRR VIA
B. & O.-QuIck service TO Michigan
points daily on I7:oS m train, arriving
Toledo 6:5S p N, without change. same
day, making close connections to all
points in Michigan.
Mosr SUPERB DAY TRAIN IN THE
WoRLD.-The Royal Limited leaves
Baltimore & Ohio r. r. Station, New
Jersey Avenue and c Streets, daily, 4
. N, arrives New York sp m. Splendid
dining and cafe car service.