Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1901-07-29
CLERICAL STORIES.
HUMOROUS INCIDENTS NOTED BY AN
ENGLISH CLERGYMAN.

A Dit of Irish Repnrtee Tint Restor-
ed Good HumOr-The Cause OF IL
General Laugh In n Dublin Cathe-
dral-An interrupted Sermon.
"An Irishman of the full blood can
not resist an opportunity for repartec.
no matter how solemn the occasion or
what his surroundings" said an Eng
fish clergyman, a visitor in Washing
ton. the other day. when the conversa-
ton turned on the funny experiences
Of clergymen and the humor that
creeps into matters connected with the
church.
II was assisting an old friend Of
mine, the rector of a church In Ireland,
one Sunday. and before the service we
were In the vestry room putting on u
robes, with the old sexton. a shriveled
up Irtshman of the perfect type. as
sisting. My friend. who was some
what old, was a little testy that morn
ing, and somehow the sleeve Of his
surplice got mixed up. Notwithstand-
ing the assiduous efforts of the old sex
ton to direct his arm to the right hole
the two would not connect. Finally,
losing patience, my friend said sharp
ly: oh. the old boys in the thing
"The old sexton frightened up and,
looking ovar at me, with a twinkle In
his eye. said as quick as lightning, Not
yit, your riverince.'
ut restored the good humor of the
situation. and the vestment was proper
ly adjusted.
1.-THE only time l ever heard a congre-
cation laugh unrestrainedly during the
regular services In a cathedral was
back In the eighties, when | was n
resident of dear, dirty Dublin. On one
Sunday morning the bishop Of Cork
preached. He was a splendid man, an
Irishman to the backbone and possess
ed of as fine a brogue as ever distin-
guishe,] a son of Erin. His congrega-
ton was made up of the very essence
Of fashion in Dublin, which, in those
days, was one of the greatest social
centers of the world. VIGOROUSLY. poo
pie We're living beyond their means. for
the income from the landed estates of
Ireland had taken a big tumble. But
that made no difference. and good
dressing went as n matter of course
and was II of the smallest of the eX-
travagances. The bishop preached on
the subject of extravaganza and spoke
particularly Of overdresSing. His ser
mon was a bitter a%rraignment of the
sin of debt and the wickedness Of set
ting the heart on fashion n dress.
He attacked the overdresSed woman
and wound up this particular reference
this way:
"'Now. supposing every n Of ye-
every one. man and woman-Should
stand up in this church. take off the
clothes We have not paid for, just walk
In out with the things on your back We
have paid fora pretty lookin lot OF
scarecrows ye'd be-
There was a pause until the real
significance of the suggestion had per-
colated through the members Of his
congregation, then some one snickered.
! Every one was picturing to himself and
herself the real scene that would occur
should the bishops idea be carried into
effect, while wife looked at husband
and members of each family nudged
one another. The ludicrous side was
Irresistible and the laugh was general.
81 once attended church at Whalley,
q little village on the borders of Ian
casllire and Yorkshire. in England. The
church. which had been a part Of the
old abbey. was built in the year 10GG
and is today one of the most interest
ing sacred etiihces in Great Britain.
The rector was Il Mr.. Whitaker, very
old, very stout and very deaf. He had
occupied the living for 80 years. and
while he generally appeared in church
and took some part in the services. he
was able to afford the luxury of a GU
rate and vas always glad to secure the
services of a friend to preach. On n
occasion a gentleman l knew very well
was to otticiate. 1t was his custom to
limit his sermon to 20 minutes. preach
ing eX tempore. and always took out
his watch and his pocket handker-
chief. placing them beside him before
commencing. This he did as usual
and. finding a very convenient little
round receptacle. stuffed the handker'
chief into it. laid the watch on top and
fired away.
1.-THE congregation was surprised to
see the old rector, who was sitting at
the bottom desk Of the three decker
erection. which | suppose still stands
right In the center and half way down
the %aisle-not in the chancel. as in the
modern churches-become very uneasy
In his seat. He squirmed around and
looked up. though every Il knew
quite we'll that he could not hear q
word of the Finally he beck.
oned to the black gowned old verger,
who carried a long wand. and whis-
pered to him. The verger assembled
the pulpit and in turn interrupted the
sermon by a whispered conversation
with the preacher, who was seen to
suddenly grasp his pocket handker.