The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-08-04
! Views of
5Curmudgeon PhilOS.

sHAT is this that I hear (said
AM( the Curmudgeon Philosopher
about DIT. Koch again, and his
notion that consumption can I
he got by drinking the milk of tubereu-
Iar cows? Maybe it can't 1 never
tried, but that's no reason for sparihs
the diseased COWS. Who wants to drink
milk from a COW with hectic flush,
n cough and a pTOfuse expectoration,
whether her milk is wholesome or not
We want that kind of COW gone De
fore as early as possible. and we don
want her mortal part in the dining
room. either.
Talk about the injury TO the agricul-
turaI interest! What right has the
dairy farmer to defile my coffee with
the rascal secre1ons of his ailing moo
moo? Let her go to the Happy Grazing
grounds: there viii be enough healthy
cows left to give IN air of VepoSe 10
the landscape by .ect,1inS in tile shade
and standing knee deep IL tA9 pebbly
brook; che painter can still earn his
bread.
AS to consumption-caH it tubercu-
Iosis if you like. Why, nobody need
have it # ne doesn't crave il. L can cure
any COnsumptive with enough lung to
whistle two bars of Yankee Doodle
! Let him stay out of doors, JhaI s AT
] Climate doesn't matter, weather doesn'
MATERIAL he has to do is stay out OF
| houses. night and day Houses are an
invention Of the Adversary of Lungs
Perhaps in the course of 1000 genera
/ tiOns we may become adapted 10 the
/ regime of foul air; at present we ole
/ like flies, and il serves US richly right
/ It is natural for Man to live naked
/ in the open, famed by every breeze
/ that blows. What does the fool DO
/ iRstead2 Surrounds mis- body. first, with
| a bandaging Of clothes. so as 70 De
| constantly in touch with the poisonous
| excretions of his skin; then with a va
1 rying thickness of foul air; outside all,
a brick or wooden overcoat- He insu-
! lates himself with leather shoes to keep
| the electricity from pursuing the even
| tenor of its way beneficently along his
bones in its passage from earth to air
and back again. Having sought out
! these many inventions what can he
expect but that they viii kill him, as
they do?
/ The Curmudgeon Philosopher exc
/ cuted a lon6, bright smile, as one en-
amOred of some sweet consciousness,
| and his speCtaCles sparkled with the
! divine JOY of the survivor.
] Consumption hereditary Nonsense
| What the tuberCulOUs son of tuber-
/ culOus sire inheritS is not the disease,
but the passion for foul air. He has
been brought up in it and he will not
be denied I've seen whole family,
dog included, bump their heads tOgeth-
| er by rushing to stop UP the same key
hole at the same time. They're dead
now, thank you, all dead but the dog,
/ and it has the mango
The physicians are not without hope,
I observe that the ravages Of con-
sumption may be stayed-that man.
kind may be able TO die fast enough 10
suit without it. Perhaps if they had
the time (and the appliances) to think
they would perceive that disorder
that seldom attacks those in good ply
steal and mental health is not the
"scourge of the race" that they think
it. Mans progress along the line of de
velopment toward perfection is retard-
ed by worse obstacles than tuberculo-
sis, hanging and fires without a guare
rail.
II think it mighty hard on me to bt
hanging in the f.0wer O. my youth,
said a lusty young assassin. Yes,
assented the public functiOnary at th'
preferable end of the rope, but yot
/ should remember that you we're guilty
J of -contributoTy negligence.
If we had no fatal diseases tconciud
ed the Curbudgeon Philosopher, witt
a fine pride in his apothegm) we SHOULD
be all invalids.
Copyright, 1901. by w. r. Hearst.)