The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1901-04-20
WIT AND WISDOM

accepted yOu. "Wpll, not in so many
words. but what she said amounts to
The same thing What did she say?'
"Shc advised me to be economical and
try to save up Il little money, instead
of buying flowers and thaater tickets"
Stranger-Call your paper a great adj
vcrtising medium, do you? 1t isn't
worth shuclls. l put in an advertise
ment last week and didn't get an an
swer, not one Editor-NIy! my! How
was your advertisement worled?
Stanger-"-i poor young man wants
Il pretty Wife who can do her own
houScwOrk."
Benevolent Partially man. don't
YOU think fishing is a cruel sport?
Anglcr-Cruel? Well. I should say so.
have sat here six hours, have not
had Il; bite, and am nearly frozen TO
| death.
Suitor- Yes, sir: assure YOU |
would be glad to marry your daughter,
even if she were as poor as Il church
mouse Mr.. NIoneybag-That settles
it! | don't want Il fool in the family.
Cardinal Manning used to tell this
amusing story of his publishers: He
WAS q man who did not keep his own
books in any great number OH his pri-
vate shelves, and so one day found it
necessary to go to his publishers for a
copy of his volume confidence in
God" 10 his surprise this CONVERSE
ton took place in the loudcst voices
between the front and the back Offices.
the men calling to each other at the
top of their lungs: "Say. You send up
some of Maming's Confidence in
God" Cant do it. Manning's Con
tidcncc in God is all gonc'
In the west of Ireland ON a certain
circuit a judge was wont to doze dur
ing the speeches of counsel. On one
occasion counsel was addressing him
OH the subject of certain town commits
SioncrS rights to obtain water from a
certain river, water being very scarce
at the time. During the speech, he
made use of the words: "But, my lord,
we must have water-we must have
water Whereupon the judge woke
up, cxclaiming: "Well. just little
drop!-iust a little drop! l like it
strong!''
Several small boys We're brought up
before Recorder Hensel Of West Ho-
boken recently on the charge of ''crap
shooting" The youngest was asked
by the recorder: "Where did you get
the money with which to play craps?"
"My mother gave me a quarter for
being a. good boy, SIR replied the
youthful gambler. He received the
minimum fine
An Englishman, fond of telling his
adventures. had an awkward habit of
using the expression: Present COM
pany excepted" On one occasion he
was relating to a few friends about a
gentleman whom he had met when
travelling on the Continent. After me1l-
tioning some of that gentlemans
characteristics. he finished by saying:
"Ilc was the greatest liar ever met
present company excepted"
"Juddy and got into n terrible tan
gle shopping today" Howl 81
owed her 10 cents. and borrowed )
cents and then so cents ''NVell?"
"fhcn | paid 50 cents for something
she bought YES" ''.And she paid
40 cents for something l bought, and
then we treated each other to ice-cream
soda" "Wcll?" "Shc says 1 still owe
her Il nickel"
"a man ought to try to make as
many friends as possible in this life
remarked the gentle philosopher. "Of
course answered the cold-b!oolcd
confidence man. 'If you don't get
friendly with people. how are you 60
ing to get near enough to get their
money from them?"
Slr-You are the most exasperatiny
man on earth. Here l scold you for
half an hour. and you won't answer.
Why don't you talk? IIc-I never use
strong language in the presence of n
lady.
The New Lady-Wcll. l don't see
that because Il woman marrIes a man
she should take his name. The Old
Mani agree. l agree, the poor chap
ought to have something left to call
his OWL