New-York tribune., 1901-10-27
HUMOR OF THE BOER WAR.
EXPERIENCES OF ENGLISH TENDER
FEET IN SOUTH AFRICA.

with them 10 every part OF the SlODe thc GUS
toms of the home land. These customs being
in the main most excellent, consisting as they
do chiefly of law and order bathtubs and
cricket, the national satisfaction with national
manners has been somewhat in the nature of a
boon to the human On the other hand.
there arises infrequently a man who fails TO
differentiate between the essential and the tr1v-
ial. and whO in his good British way, is de-
termined to live. wherever he may be, just as he
wont amid the fogs of London During the
Boer war number of these gentlemen added
greatly TO the gayety of the campaigners-
Buiawayo, every schoolboy knows (to quote
Macauiay's accustomed complimentary but in
! accurate phrase>, is where the world comes to
end There, in the heart of Africa, the rail-
road-tnat is. the apology for the railroad
stops for good. 1t stops all along the line for
few hours at a time until the road be
+ paired The Boers We're periiOus.y close to
Bulawayo. which was inadequateIy defended
and for time the situation was critical
Even when the immediate danger of attack was
over the place was in manner beeaguered.
1t was such time is supposed TO try mems
souls Communication with the outer world
had just been restored. when one day there
strolled into the club officer who was known
as the armor plated warrior, on account os his
little weakness for dressing UP his Khaki
clothes with the chains and other geyygaHs Of
| ornamental warfare.
What's the matter. old MANI" asked ar ac-
quaintaHce, cheerily. You seem uncomrnonIy
down in the mouth"
| The officer sat down with depression on every
/ line of his countenance.
| "Ye-es." he drawled YEARLY No tooth-
Dicks"
| No what"
No toothptcks. can't get along without
| toothpicks. you know. AS soon as wire
would go through i eabIed my brother in
! London. ToOthpcks Immediately Couldn't get
on without them. You know. Here comes a cable
| from my blessed fool OF a brother. can, find
t'othpicks in code book Must be q blessed
IDIOT my brother, you know"
Sorre of the gentlemen who came out TO fight
for their country We're popularity known as the
/ 'Piceadiliy picnickers,'' by reason of the fact
jhat their knowledge of how TO dress and what
10 eat exceeded their acquaintance with minor
matters such drill etc One little group of
pie nicHers to Join the BulawayO military
police Now. in tine city. the -policeman-s
life il not a happy one but up country, where
The natives are nasty and the fevers worse.
keeping the peace is not just the sort of occupa-
tiOn which goes we'll with a picnic for the sake
of big game shooting. The young men in CUES
tion were after the big game, and thought that
the government might Il we'll pay their
penses- The chief treasure of the party.
showed with giee 20 the man who commits
stoned To meet them. consisted of a dressing
case, price 30 SIlineas, presented to OF their
number by his fond mother The contents Of il
We're displayed with pride silver topped all with
every thing in the nature of scent bottles and
other necessities of the toilet that could possibly
be wanted by a member of the police force in
the interior of Africa The owner called fer adj
miration.
Yes. indeed. my friend" said the Neicc.,.inz,
one. gently. You'll find that very useful in
Bulawayo- Shops are Il bit slow about import
ing those things in HsuEawayo. Very nice, in
deed" And he put them the train forth
with Encouraged by this success, The ycuth
showed the sergeant at Bulawayo the ease IS
soon as he arrived That gentlerns.n's face
turned a dark purple. oh. very nice" said he.
"Uncommou nice And have nice UttIe
things up here, too. one of em is the guard
house. You'd better go there my young frit nd
until You learn how TO put Your spurs prop
erly And to the guar,ihouSe, without his
dressing case, Went the gentleman from Pcca-
dilly. The next week the dressing ease realized
1o shillinSs at auction, and much enjcyed
by petty officer for the rest of his stay there.
But the men who bought cattle were experts
number of oxen. The buyer would swear roUrdly
at him :or his impertnence in OfferinS
wretched a lot and the native would withdraw