davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30
ACURIOUS WILL.
Sos York Tribune

Ne" York Tribune
a wealthy land owner near
smolensk, Russia, died not long
ago. and after the funeral his heirs
looked vainly for the will. but
without success.
a few days later a young man,
seeing graphophonc on the table
in the library put into it record
which he supposed was that Of a
popular Russian song. 10 his
amazemcnt and terror, instead of a
song be heard The dead mans voice
rccite the words Of the missing will.
The heirs we're notified Of The
discovery, lawyers we're summoned
and they lost no time in examining
the record containing the WILL u
was found Co be GawIcss. and the
question then arose whether will
left ON graphophonc cylinder
would be deemed valid by the
courts The question is now
before the Supreme Court of ST.
Petersburg
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30
A MOTHERS LOVE.

When a boy is far away from home,
What pleases him the most ?
Why, it's when letter comes to him
From mother thro' the post
No matter if the silver hairs
Appear upon his head
He's still his mothers boy as when
His hair was carrot red
Tho thirty years have left their
marks
And scared his careworn face,
In mothers eyes he's yet lad
Without Times telltale trace
Her letter thus begins "Dear boy"
1t sets his heart athrill
To think that mother knows him as
A little shaver still
A mothers love is as charm
The sesame of youth
One feels that age has naught to do
With Love or Life or Truth
Whene'er he gets letter from
His mother far away,
Who sees naught but the guileless
child,
Behind the man grown gray.
Boston Journal.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30
NTOXiCATION DESCRIBED.

"D. s." writes to the New York
Sun as follows giving the various
phrases used to describe intoxica-
ton
ale is drunk, intoxicated, inebri-
ated, tipsy, full, loaded, jagged,
fuddled, tight, top.heavy, slowed,
half-shot, half gone, overcome,
overtaken, primed, afflicted, ele-
waited, exhilarated, genial, happy,
mellow, corned, beery, why, grog-
gy, booty, soaked, chock. block.
lushY muggN cock-eyed, bory-
eyed, muddled, jiggered, foggy,
hay, dizzy dazed, stunned, moory
dopy, ossified, petrified, paralyzed.
ole has GLORIOUS or elegantly
jag on, load on, a skate on, a
bun on, brannigan on, a shine on,
a still on, an edge on, a sign full;
he has got cup too much, he has
looked on the wine when it was red
he has bee in his bonnet, he has
an apple jack gait, he has been
taking little of Paddy's eye water
or of red eye, he has been crook
ing his elbow, he has more sail
than ballast, he has the sun in his
eye, he can't see a hole in the
ladder and he can't lie down with
out holding on.
"He is half seas over, three
sheets in the wind, on his beam
ends, under the influence of the
weather, over the bay, in the cloud
in his cups, in his pots, off his troll
ley, off his nut, on a drunk, on a
spree, on a bender, on a racket, on
a tear, on the ran-tan, or the raw
rec, he is feeling his oats, he is full of
mountain dew, full of dope, full of
4o-rod booze, full of tangle-foot,
full of Jersey lightning, full of bug
juice, he is as full as a tick, full as
a goat, full as bed-bug, he is as
drunk as lord, drunk as a boiled
owl, drunk as David's SOW, he is
weak (wabby) on his pins, all mops
and brooms and about to cast up
his accounts"
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30
A TRIBUTE TO THE cow.

At recent sale in Kansas City
Col. F. Nj. Woods eulogized the
COW in the following interesting
manner:
Grand and noble brute, OF all
Gods animal gifts to man she is
the grandest. To her we owe the
most. Examine into all the diff
ferent channels and ramifications
of our commerce into which she
enters, and note the result should
she be blotted out. A Sunday
stiffness would then pervade the
great stock yard industries of our
large cities and grass would grow
in the streets. Seventy five per
cent, of the great freight trains
that pillow the continent from ocean
to ocean would sidetrack, for there
would be nothing for them TO do.
Fully fifty per cent of the labor
ers of America woul draw no
pay on Saturday night and our
tables would be bare of the great
est luXuries with which they are
loaded. The great Western plains
that she has made to blossom
financially, like the rose, would
revert to the Indian from whence
they came, and millions of pros
porous homes would be destroyed.
"None other like the COW; there
is not a thing from nose to tail but
what is utilized for the use of man.
We use her horns to comb our
hair, her hair keeps the plaster on
our walls, her skin is on all our feet
and our horses backs, her hoofs
are made into glue and her tail into
soup, she gives our milk, our cheese
our cream and our butter, and her
flesh is the great meat of all ma
tions. Her blood is used to make
our sugar white, and her bones,
when ground, make the greatest
fertilizer end even her paunch she
herself has put through the first
chemical process Cor the manufact-
turing of the best white board paper
and it has been discovered that
that paper is the most lasting ma
terial for the manufacture Of false
teeth. No other animal works for
man both by day and night, by day
she gathers the food and when we
are asleep at night, she brings it
back to rechew and manufacture
into all the things Of which ! speak.
She has gone with the man from
Plymouth Rock TO the setting sun;
1t was her sons that drew the prairie
schooner for the sturdy pioneers, as
they fought to prove that westward
the star of empire takes its way"
and the old COW grazed along
behind, and when the days march
was done she came and gave the
milk to fill the mothers breast to
feed the sucking babe that was,
perchance, to become the future
ruler Of the country.
"Who says that what we are we
do not owe to mans best friend the
COW. Treat her kindly, gently, for
without her words fail me to de-
scribe.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30
MODERN PHILOSOPHY.

A full purse is the best pocket
companion.
a dull man bores you and the
sharp one skins you.
a matches story is move, that
ends without wedding
About the only force some people
have is the force Of habit.
Knife wounds heal quicker than
caused by sharp tongue.
When a man offers you some
thing for nothing it will pay you 20
walk around it by the furherest
possible route.
il is far better to have large feet
than a small understanding.
The house Of tidy woman and
a motion to adjourn are always in
order
The actual weight Of ton of
coal as sold by some dealers is a
dark secret
Gall and NORWOOD are both
used in making imported wine In
this country The man who labels
it Ipplics the gall
Wien you sec a girl with only
one glove on lisa ign that She has
new ring on The other hand.
IS bachelor objects to female
barber on account of disastrous
haircut q certain Mr.. samson once
received az the hands Of one
Chicago News
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30
NEW COMPANY ORGANIZED.

Frem The Farmers Advocate
The Incorporators of the Pullman.
Automatic Ventilator Sub-Compa-
ny, chartered in West Virginia, met
in Martinsburg, West Virginia, and
elected the following officers Neil
]. Fortney, Kingwood, President;
Senator N. f. Whitaker, Wheeling,
Vice President; Braxton ID. Glib
son, Charles Town, Secretary; w.
+. Cunningham, Berkeley county,
Treasurer: Senator VIM. Campbell,
Jefferson county, General manager;
II. p. Camden, Parkersburg, Cen
eral counsel. The company has an
authorized capital of $3.50, 900 and
its principal Office will be in Par
kersburg. The purpose of the
company is to sell the Pullman
automatic ventilator invented by
Charles G. Pullman, for ventilating
sleeping cars, day coaches, freight
cars, houses, stores and warehouses
carriages or other vehicles. The
company is branch of the original
Pullman Automatic Ventilator Com
pany chartered under the laws of
West Virginia some years ago, with
its principal Office in Washington,
ID. c
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30
DEER PARK HOTEL.
Deer Park, Md. Most Delightful Sum-
mer Resort OF the AlleghenIes.

Swept by mountain breezes ? 800
feet above sea level. Absolutely free
from malaria, hay fever and mos.
quitos. Reached without change of
cars from all principal cities via
Baltimore x Ohio Railroad. Every
modern convenience. Rooms en-
suite with private baths. Electric
Lights, Long Distance Telephone,
Elevator, Turkish Baths, Swimming
Pools, Golf Links, Tennis Courts,
Bowling Alleys, Magnificent Drives,
Complete Livery service. Annapo-
lis Naval Academy Band. Hotel
remodeled with additional conven-
fences. All cottages have been
taken for the season. Open from
June 22d to September goth.
For rates and information address
w. f. Burwell, Manager, care Queen
City Hotel, Cumberland, Md, IN.
I'll June rst. After that time, Deer
Park, Garrett County, Nd.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30

told around Washington Of attempts
to manipulate the report of the 18TH
milan Canal Commission, which is
expected TO be completed in FIVE or
six weeks. The preliminary report
which was sent 10 Congress last
winter, IL will be remembered, was
strongly IN favor Of the Nicarauga
route for the Canal. According to
these stories, attempts are being
made to have the full repor; modify
the declarations in favor Of the
Nicaragua route so as to make it
appear that the commission regards
the Nicaragua and Panama routes
as equally feasible, from an engineer
ing point of view, and to get some
thing into the report about the al
legged disadvantages of the former.
All the members Of the commission
are gentlemen of good standing as
well as of eminence in their pro-
fession and it is not believed that
they Will knowingly allow them
selves to be used by the Panama
lobby in any such manner. The
Commission is already committed
to the engineering advantages OF the
Nicaragua route, and with the
political aspect they have nothing
whatever to do, and for them to
even touch upon 1t in their report
would be not only bad taste but
going outside of their duties.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30

The Mother Goose Nursery
Rhymes have been revised and made
up to date. Here are a few sam.
pies
"Old Father Hubbard went 10 the
cupboard to get his poor dog a
crust, when he got there the cup
board was bare, for bread was con
trolled by trust"
"Old King Coal was a Jolly old
soul, and Jolly old seeker of mirth,
he called for some wire and also
some posts, and built a neat fence
round the earth"
"The man in the moon came
tumbling down and asked the way
to Wheeling; he went to the east and
his wealth increased by subsidized
methods Of stealing"
"Little Jack Homer worked up a
corner in sugar and steel and wheat.
when the proper time came some
checks bore his name and he cap
tured Senator's seat
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30

A lady in Columbus, Georgia
has in her possession a copy of
what is reputed to be no other than
the Roman order for the execution
of Jesus Christ. 1t is claimed that
the original order was among the
manuscripts probably burned in the
recent conflagration of the archie
piscopal palace at Bourges, in
France. This remarkable manu-
script was the personal property
of the family of La Tou d'Auvergne
The order runs thus
"Jesus of Nazareth, of the Jewish
tribe of Juda, convicted of impos-
ture and rebellion against the di-
vine authority of Tiberius Augustus,
Emperor of the Romans; having for
this sacrilege been condemned to
die on the cross, by the sentence of
the Judge, Pontius PLATE, on the
prosecution of our Lord Herod,
Lieutenant of the Emperor in Juda,
shall be taken tomorrow morning,
the 23d day of the Ides March, to
the usual place of punishment,
under the escort of a company of
the Pretorian guard.
"The so-called King of the Jews
shall be taken out by the Strunean
gate. All the public officers and
the subjects of the Emperor are di-
rected 10 lend their aid to the
execution of this sentence.
(Signed) "CAPEL.
Jerusalem. z3d day of the Ides of
March, year Of Rome 783. Macon
Telegraph.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30

The Baltimore x Ohio Railroad
have arranged series of Popular
Seashore Excursions, to be run on
Thursdays, June I3 and 77, July II
and p, August and - and Sep
TENDER 5, to Atlantic City, Cape
May, Sea Isle City and Ocean City,
New Jersey, Ocean City, Maryland,
and Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.
Tickets will be good sixteen 90
days, including date of sale.
Stop-oyers will be allowed on
the return trip at Philadelphia,
Baltimore and Washington on tick
cts sold to New Jersey resorts. and
at Baltimore and Washington on
tickets sold 90 Ocean CITY, Md.
and Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.
For tickets, time of trains,
sleeping and parIor car accommo-
datI0ns, call on or address nearest
Ticket Agent Baltimore N ohio
* X. for full information.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30

"Limburger cheese" says an ex-
change, eff laid in a cupboard or a
refrigerator will drive away ants. 30
We don't doubt IT, Limburger
cheese will do more. II will drive
hogs out Of a lanyard, il will drive
a spike through a brick wall and
balky mule through a wire fence.
a small piece Of cheese properly
warmed up in a church will dismiss
a congregation quicker than fire
Yes sir there is no doubt about il.
limburger cheese will drive away
your "ants," your uncles, your
cousins as well as your mother
in.law.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30
BALTIMORE \ OHIO RAILROAD.

Excursions to Atlantic City, Cape
May, Sea Isle City and Ocean
City, n. j.. Ocean City, Md,
and Rehoboth Beach, Del, at
Very Low Rates, Thursdays,
June 70 and II, July II and IS,
August 8 and II, and Sept. 5.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30
oW O
Gain lesh

Persons have been known to
gain a pound a day by taking
an ounce of SCOTS EMUl.
SION. 1t is strange, but it often
happens.
Somehow the ounce produces
the pound; it seems to start the
digestive machinery going prop
erly, so that the patient is able
to digest and absorb his ordinary
food, which he could not do be.
fore. and that is the way the gain
is made.
A certain amount of flesh is
necessary for health; if you have
not got it you can get it by
taking
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30
THE SPELLING BEE.

If you can spell every word cor
rectly in the following rhymes-all
legitimate expressions you may
consider yourself qualified to enter
spelling bee
Stand up we spoilers, now, and spell
Spell phenakistoscope and knell;
Or take some simple word as chilly,
Or gauger or the garden lily.
To spell such words as syllogism,
And lachrymose and synchronism.
And Pentateuch and saccharine.
Apocrypha and celadine,
Lactiferous and cecity,
Jejune and homeopathy,
Paralysis and chloroform,
Rhinoceros and pachyderm,
Metempsyclosis, gherkin, basque,
Is certainly no easy task.
Kaleidoscope and Tennessee,
kamtchatka and dispensary,
Diphthong and erysipelas,
And etiquette and sassafras,
Infallible and ptyalism,
Allopathy and rheumatism,
And cataclysm and beleaguer,
Twelfth, eighteenth, rendezvous.
intriguer.
"lm goin' to leave num-" an
nounced the housemaid to her mis-
tress.
"Why, I've been doing half your
work myself in order to induce you
to stay" replied the lady. Isn't
that enough ?"
"Ges'm," answered the girl, "But
your half of it amt done to suit
me-"
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30

published on Monday. Wednes-
day and Friday. Is a compl.te
UP to date daily Newspaper,
tiSes days In the week. with
all important news Of the other
four days. Profuseiy illus
tratsd. and filed with interest
Ing reading for all who wish to
Keep in close touch with news
OF the nation and world.
~ 9 X N lar su INSCRIPTION
price, S1'0O per yenr.
re to secure the best magazines.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30

q LEGAL BLANKS
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West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30
PUBLICATIONS POPULAR PRICES

has for nearly sixty years been
recognized as the Peoples Ma
tional Family Newspaper, for
farmers and villagers. Its
splendid Agricultural Depart
ment. its reliable market re-
ports. recognized authority
throughout the country; its
Fashion notes. its Science and
Mechanics Department, It's
fascinating short stories, etc,
= etc, render IL Indispensable In
!. every family. Regular sub
: scription price, 81 90
per year.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30

I6eFe afe some queer stories being
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30

The hrstannual report OF Governor
Allen, Of Porto Rico, has been
made public. Naturally, he says
the government Of which he is the
head is the best that could have
been given the island, and incident
ally he losses a few bouquets at
Congress for its part Of the work.
lie explains the lack Of progress on
the island by stating the case with
which its natural products support
the natives without work. This
may be true, but il doesn't exactly
square with the cablcd departure OF
400 Porto Rican laborers for
Hawaii, where they hope to make a
better living than they have been
able 70 make at home, which ap.
pcarcd in the papers at the same
time that Gov. Aliens report did.
ftt
Ihcrcs are some queer stories being
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30

oItr 70 Inose WHO desire to securo the be,t !
'als' the Following splendid Inducements:
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-05-30

ss- All the Ordinary Forms Keep,
Constantly on Hand and Orders
Filled Promptly. Special
Blanks Printed to Order.
The Greenville times. [volume] (Greenville, Miss.) 1868-1917, 1901-07-13
Feed Delta Feed Horse Sense.
Memphis & Yicksbarg Packet
Regular
- STEAMER DELTA.

~, .rowrAND Master
~ ~ W 0c =, s11i Clerk
Hepular Memphis. and Greenviile
Packet. Going down, leaves Green
viile for yicksburg every "Wednesday At
IN M. Going up, leaves Greenylile
~, emphis every Saturday at q n
Nov boat; up-to-date in every re-
srses Electric lights andfans through
mi g. Round trip vicksburg and re-
t,5rn A.. so; Memphis and return 5000.
,p,e boat carries a bana 81 music
aur,no the entire season.
LYME STARING, agent.
Evening star., 1901-07-26
PEACE IN AFRICA,
Emperor William is Represented as
About to Take the Initiative.

Emperor William is Represented as
About to Take the Initiative.
''The rumor as to early peace negotia-
tions which has pervaded the house of
commons for some days." says the London
Daily Express. ''has taken the moro def
mite form that Emperor William Is soon
Kruger and his advisors are represent ed
as having empowered the kaiser to act
for the Beers, and he Is considered wiiline
to take the initiative In order to popula rize
his relations with the German people. who
disapprove his friendship for Great Brit
ain. Something apparently is on foot,
whether Emperor William is in 1t or not. d
Mr.. Kruger's arrival at The Hague is
connected, the Daily Express thinks. wit h
the rumored peace suggestions
In the House of Commons dast night Mr..
Brodrick, the war secretary, during the
debate on the war vote, replying to sug-
gestions that Great Britain ought to adopt
United States, said:1 s.u!
1.-THE United States calls for only one
man to every one thousand OF the popula
tion for military service. Great Britain
calls upon one in every hundred Of her
population. There. Is no proof that the
would draw one In every hundred
Mr.. Brodrick added that recruiting
though not so high as during the excite 5.
ment Of last year. was still higher than
formerly.
The war Office has received the followine
dispatch from Lord Kitchener. dated Pre-
torfa:
"Garratt's column captured Boer con-
voy, taking twenty-five prisoners, near
Reitzburg, Our casualties were eight.
'French's columns are gradually push
ing the enemy north In Cape Colony
Evening star., 1901-07-26

rfghtness of manhood Is not sufficient to
convince OF our testimony so given, 1t is
the height of fmpudent presumption to call
upon heaven or any responsibility outside
ourselves to vouch for sincerity, and
no amount of hypocritical piety Expressed
In the oath) will establish our utterance
st James, also, had occasion to caution
his flock in this matter. (See James v, 12)
But above all things brethren, swear not
neither by heaven, neither by the earth, nor
by any other oath, but let your yes be
yes, and your no. no." That is let simple
testimony be final. Anything beyond that
Is suspicious, to say the least, and tends
to weaken the sense Of integrity and value
Of testimony.
Ihe only way to cure the evil Of perjury
Is to abolish the OATH to foster q high ap-
probation of integrity and to improve the
moral atmosphere OF men by helpful In
huences instead of antagonistic and sus-
piciouS ones M E. SLOANE