Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1901-04-29
NOT TO HIS TASTE
Ex-Mule Teamster Tries Voca-
ton Of Church Usher.
All Was Smooth Until Eccentric Old
Lady Proved His Waterloo.
Is Now Living the Live OF a Quiet Country
Gentleman

\ tenderfoot who recently sp.nt !,
humber of Years in the West. and who
has had as che .kered ana varied n ca
fc".' as the late T.. +. Rarnum. and as
fnany startling adventures as Jules
Neine, consented 10 be interviewed by
the Journal scribe. the other day. and
this was what he said:
some time ago | was stopping in
the West chasing that tickle Jade of
fortune the golden calf. but somehow
ol other l was always just a little too
lat" to catch ii ana that colossal for
tune equal to the Vanderbilt millions
slipped through my fingers. | had tried
about everything from blowing a
church organ to facing Il Kansas biz-
2ard on the hurricane deck of prairie
schooner. Prospecting. mining. cierking
and wheeling Il bull team We're but a
few of my many accomplishments and
as Cor driving . mule team | was a
past master in the art and had made
hat useful hut much abused uuadru-
ped such Il close study that | could tell
within q fractional part of an inch just
what part of his anatomy to hit him
with raw hide to make him caper. a
degree of perfection that very few at
tain in this world. in fact | guess the
grave y2r,is in the West are thickly
populated With bull puncherS who have
monkeyed with the business end Of the
mule. and many tenderfoot is going
around on this carth'S crust with
good luck mark on him where the iron
has entered his soul in the shape of
an imprint Of a mules hoof caused by
being too inquisitive about the leg ac-
ton Of this government pet.
In some sections of the wild and
woody West money was close, but not
close enough to reach. so one fine day
when the spirit moved me. | blew my
dust into n heap, packed my alpaca
buster into a small but compact bun
die and struck out due east to meet the
rising sun. After some trials and trib-
ulations l. like the prodigal son, re-
turned to my fathers mansion to live
or sleep on the husks and wait for the
fatted calf to be asSassinated.
IN due course. of time | became ac-
c,imated and settled down as a retired
country gentleman. and picked up the
tangled end of the yarn of life as had
left it when | went West After ! had
haen home long enough to get the
bronco hairs off from my coat, and the
salt bacon out of my system. vacan-
" occurred in the church that my par
ents regularly attended and l was duly
installed as usher. I had some misgiv-
inps as to my ability to do a good job
as had been out of practice for some
i'm. Rut the deacons backed up by
nv worthy old sire. would not take no
commenced NV
duties as usher and rounded up the
herd every Sunday morning. ala not
oxrect TO Law up much treasure on TINS
earth on account OF the Jop' Out uiu
hone 10 start small bank account IN
| heaven How well | succeeded 90 ho'
know ~
Nv PREDECESSOR had run things lot
,ors RI suit himself There are too
many Of our fashionable churches TO-
dsy run on the exclusive pan. " heI'
the honest but poor worshiper' WIN
| his threadbare coat. enters Tue san.
tuary. the usher seats MN near INC
door where he can get all that COLI
ing 10 him in the way OF coid uraush'S'
etc while the slick looking gentleman
with the broadcloth ana madam WIN
, her sealskin. gets a warm cuSii'oiieu
new further up Soit vi " "''' -
heaven. while the poor man rides on
Tho hard benches in the immigrant
coat Knowing that poverty was not
contagious. / gradually got onto the
domination and gave every worship
nor q corner seat in warm pew CEN
t.r Of the church. just far enough Dack
"a Ia comfortable. ! was giving unlVer-
col satisfaction. or thought was
wban 7 struck my Waterloo.
A lady came into the vestibule. one
Sunday morning. She was little &C.
nitric MS I afterwards found out. She
,,,oitad some time when ! asked her
- chs would like seat. She said:
..rhank you." so ! took her in tow and
storted down the broad aisle. l had
nv eve on a slick seat well down in
f,ont 7 marched down that aisle like
Tho n,umed knight in the halls of Con-
gross. When ! reached the seat | plac-
al NV hand on the back of the pew
inct i'm front and made a low Chester
Gald bow and a wave of the hand to
usher her in, when, presto change! she
vanished. and looking back | saw she
nod dropped into the first seat near the
door. I tried to put up bluff by going
IN the side aisle, but it was no go. The
CONGREGATION was onto my curves
I,yerv face relaxed a little. Little rip
,,,as OF laughter spread over the as
sambly. l kept on with my good WORK
hut my heart was not in it and when