davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20
GOT WHAT uE DESERVED.

You know Throgglns? Smooth fell
low. Great jollier. Tries to keep on
the good side OF everybody. Well. he
went to church last Sunday morning
and slept through the whole sermon.
Then he had the gall to tell the Rev.
DR.. Fourthly, after the congregation
had been dismissed. that he had never
enjoyed a discourse so much In his life,
and he would like to borrow tho mar.
uscript of 1t and take II home with
him, so he could read IL again during
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20
Native seed Hest.

Like Indian corn, the tomato is oest
when the seed Is produced In the same
latitude and climate where the crtp
is TO be grown. and it seldom does It's
best the first season when taken far
north or south Of It's native locality.
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20

with a stick. The little animal was a
mongocse, the famous India cobra
fighter. AS soon as the snake was
dead IL fed to its hiding place and We
cuuid not o ii out. II | ever felt
grateful to man Or beast it was tn tho
little mongoose that saved my life
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20

3S7 libraries. with 2.7779,59G volumes.
California has 213 of these libraries,
with l,7Sl ,S5S volumes, and Colorado
81. with 363, sG6 volumes.
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20
NEW FIRST

Why Is the farm.
er's wife mad?
Because her son
did what she told
him 10 do.
What was IL?
She told him to
draw u hogs head
full Of water.
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20
o EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTED.

NOT EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTED.
From the London Tit-Bits: A teach.
er was %lnstructing a class of infants in
the Sunday school and was letting the
children finish her sentences to make
SURE they understood.
THE idol had eyes" she said. but
il couldn't
"See." cried the children.
1T had ears, but II couldn't"
Hear said the class.
1t had lips. but 1t couldn't"
Speak" said the children.
1T had q nose. but II couldn't
Wipe IT," shouted the little ones
and the teacher had to pause in hei
lesson in order tn her com
posture.
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20

Farmer Iiayriy lin department
,tore)-"I wundor what them thar
gals air alters yellln' cash fer?"
Mrs. Hayrix-"I reckon mebby it's
tew let folks know they don't trust
nobody"
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20
THE TIME TO LAUGH.
SOME GOOD JOKES. ORIGINAL AND
SELECTED.

The birth of n New Joke The Realistic
schooi--A Common Mania Not Ex-
ac,iy what She wanted Peril. Of the
Language.
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20

In the year 1900, out Of | ,952 raids ON
Illicit stills. 673 were made in Georgia.
which is a prohibition state excert a,
to four of its cities.
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20
Willie" said man.

TT "'"re' 'u'" n''1n.
ma. didn't tell
you TO wash your face?" Yes, man.
ma Willie replied. land | did wash
H." Mamma piped little Elsie, who
had just been v%accinated, perhaps he
did do IL, but il dicn't take the first
tune"
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20

An orator may spout like a whale
and still be only n shark
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20

The nan who is imprisoned for life
no longer breads being found out.
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20
de COZ kSE.

He---Dat's 5
comb on top of his
head.
She My. An
dose udders liz his
side combs. WOt?
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20

or coursc you deaf, but u caa
hear him.
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20

See the man.
What is the
man doing?
He IL hanging
the picture.
don't see that
hc H. hanging IL.
The Red Cloud chief., 1901-09-20

From the Boston Journal: No po-
iIccman vas In sight. of course. That
was because he was wanted.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18
An Animated Parcel.

Duncan Ross, the Scotch athlete,
brought to New York with him some
years ago a valuable bull terrier, IA
nous for the blue ribbons he had won
In India. Mr.. Ross lived across the
Harlem river, but his business took
him daily to the lower part of New
York. Invariably he was accompanied
to his office by the bull terrier. AS 1t
was known that he always came down
town on the elevated railroad, his
friends wondered, knowing the embar-
go placed upon dogs, how he procured
transit for the bull terrier.
Their repeated questioning finally
persuaded him to reveal the secret, and
he invited them all to the office one
evening just as he was starting for
home. He took out of his desk stout
piece. of wrapping paper and. opening
it out fiat, spread 1t on the floor. Then
he whistled to the dog. and the bull
terrier walked to the center Of the pa
per and curled up in limp lump. Mr..
Ross then produced piece of stout
cord and made a very neat parcel of
his pet and tucked it under his arm.
81 have carried this parcel up and
down town for two years" he said,
"and no one has ever had the faintest
suspicion of its animated contents.
Give is so well trained that he never
makes n sound or moves n muscle.
leave little opening at one end of the
package, so that he has plenty of air"
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18
p,.one FUNERAL Customs.

Among the Basques funeral festivi-
ties were kept up not only after the
funeral. but also for eight days more,
and on New Years day, when they
were repeated. In their case this was
a purely religious ceremonial observ-
ance, even If it originated in pagan
days. For religion has entered into
and still pervades the funeral rites or
the Basques to a degree now hardly
conceivable The deceased who was the
head of the family. probably belonging
to the third religious order, was usual
" buried in the appropriate dress of
the order. The funeral was presided
over by the serore, who was a sort OF
nun. This probably, as O'Shea says,
came down from the time when wom-
en- held high ecclesiastical positions
among the Basques.
The very feasts were relics of days
when an offering Of meat bread and
wine was wont to be taken into the
church or churchyard not only at the
funeral, but every day for two years
afterward, for the supposed benefit OF
the deceased. but really for that of the
clergy.
Up to 1766 in GuipuZcoa on the oc-
casion of a funeral an OK was taken
to the church door and then killed and
subsequently eaten. survival, OF
j course, of pagan sacrifices In primitive
/ times. In whatever way the habit OF
taking the deceased to the church on an
open bier arose, there can be no ques-
ton that the fire lighted at the nearest
crossroads and the obligatory pater a
Pintenton du defunt are Of deeply re-
ligious origin and both in deed and In
truth appeal to each neighbor to pray
for the soul of a departed brother
| Gentleman's Magazine.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18
PUZZLED THE JEWELER.
He Wanted a Second Hand Watch
and Finally Got 1t.

He Wanted q Second Hand Watch
and Finally Got 1t.
He was evidently foreigner, and he
walked into one of the big jewelry
houses on Il street and asked for a
watch. He would be pleased to exam
inc some second hand Watches" he
said to the clerk who advanced to meet
him.
This isn't a pawnshop," observed
the clerk haughtily.
"NoT observed the man inquiringly.
But you have watches? And he point
ed to the great showcase full of hand
some watches.
Certainly" replied the clerk. Fin
est stock of watches In the city. How
much do you want to pay for watchT
'How mooch?" asked the stranger
"Mooch as he is worth, so that he suits
me. have said that l desire second
hand watch-a good one that shall keep
the time"
"See here, sir; you are off your base
We don't keep secondhand goods. You
will have to hunt elsewhere for second
hand watches"
The strangers eyes opened wide
"But you have him there, and there
and there" he said as he began to ges
ticulate. 81 have said second hand
watches" spelling 1t as though to make
1t palmer, "and they are here, every
where, yet you say you have them not
I do not comprehend you"
"WeI, do you," replied the clerk
sheeplshly as he quickly got behind the
counter Just a little mix up. Nc
harm done, hope. Certainly we have
watches with second hands. All oui
watches have second hands. We han
die no others" And the stranger got
his second hand watch, for which he
laid down n $50 0bill.-Washington Star
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18
A Rlow From behind.

zone winter, when things were rath-
er slow in New York city-it was just
before John L. time'-said the old pu-
gilist, 1--WE made up little party and
hired hall In one of the fishing towns
not far away. We advertised prize
Of $40 for any one who could stay on
his feet against our men for five
rounds. 1t was safe money, although
when two or three Of the boats came
in at the same time we had all we
could handle.
"But one night fellow as big as the
side of n house came along, and we
smelled trouble. We put him up
against the heaviest man in our par
ty. who, though he only tipped the
scales at $50 pounds, had two good
hands and a head that you couldn't
hurt with q piledriver. But the stran-
ger was no slouch, and at the end OF
the fourth round we began to worry
about the tenner.
"The ring was on the stage at the
front Of the hall, and at the rear of the
stage there were two windows. So
saws to our man as l Sponged his
mouth, Work him over to one OF the
windows
at wasn't no easy job, but he did
It before time was half up, and as the
duffer backed up near the window he
got a crack in the head from behind
that dumped him In n heap. That's
the way we saved our ten.
"But the funny part of 1t Is that our
champeen had caught the local guy on
the jaw the same moment, and we
could never persuade him that 1t
wasn't himself that secured the knock
out."-New York Sun.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18

[Some of the heaviest average yielders in six
years trial: 1, Banner; 2, 0derbruch; 3, Colum-
bus; T. White schonen; s. Holstein Prolific; 9,
American Beauty; Z, Golden Giant.]
crop sufficiently large during the whole
of that time to entitle them to place
with the best II sorts.
On comparing the best II varieties
this year with the best Il of 1899 it
is found that 10 of them are the same.
Taking the results of the cropping of
the II most productive sorts of oats at
the central experimental farm for six
years they have given an average yield
for the whole period of 60 bushels II
pounds per acre. The remaining 20
varieties have averaged during the
same time 81 bushels pounds per
acre, an average difference in favor of
the productive sorts of IS bushels 10
pounds per acre.
The value of these figures is more
fully realized if we bear in mind that
every bushel of oats added to the aver
| age crop puts about $1,000,00O into the
pockets of Canadian farmers.
In spring wheat there is similar per-
sistent productiveness in certain sorts.
! OF the 81 varieties of this cereal which
have been tested for six consecutive
years eight of these have appeared
among the 12 most productive every
year for the whole period. Comparing
| the best IL varieties for 1899 with
the best 12 for 1900 we find that IL of
| them are the same.
Taking the results Of the cropping of
| the best II sorts of spring wheat for
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18
r6R1,1.1.55;IR'9ey
~ -
GRAIN FOa SOWING.


Persistent Producfivcness Thing
to Be Considered.
The results OF experiments with va
rieties of grain to ascertain their rela-
tive productiveness become much
more reliable and conclusive when the
average experience Of 4 series of years
can be given. In this way slight varia-
tons. arising from inequality of soil
and variability Of season. are to n
large extent equaliZed. Director VIII
liam Saunders of Colorado has carried
on tests which are among the most
thorough and extensive of any recently
made, and he reports the following
facts:
Out of Al different sorts of oats
which have been subject to uniform
tests for six years 0 have appeared
among the u most productive sorts
every year for the whole period, and
the other three places have been filled
during the time at irregular intervals
by six other varieties. Hence only Is
of the Al varieties have produced a
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18
The Crnnberry Fireworm.

The Larvae of Rhopobota vacciniana,
or cranberry fireworm, cause consid-
cradle damage to the cranberry crop
Of Massachusetts. The larvae of the first
brood seldom cause much injury, while
those of the second brood are often ex-
ceedingly destructive. Where the cram
berry bogs can be flooded with water
at the proper season for destroying the
larvae, this method is very effective, but
in many cases it is impossible to use
water in this way. Experiments were
tried with arsenate of lead, which was
used as spray at the rate of pounds
to $50 gallons of water. The first appli-
cation was made in the early part Of
June. The second brood Of caterpillars
appeared during the first part of July,
md second application was made,
the insecticide being used at the rate Of
131h pounds to $50 gallons of water.
Nearly all the larvae were destroyed,
and great saving In the cranberry
crop was the result of this method. 1t
was found that three men with a good
outfit could spray eight acres of cram
berry bog in ten hours.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18

dow, heavily barred. the torn shade
partly down. His glance rested on the
stick that weighted the latter just
what he needed. New hope gave him
new strength. Inch by inch he edged
himself along the wall to the shade,
caught the stick between his teeth and
sank quickly to the floor. He had sue
ceeded. The stick was torn loose from
its flimsy fastenings. Back again, up
and along the wall he worked until he
stood nearly under the clock. He turn
stick pointed at the hand, made ter
rife effort to reach it, failed, lost his
balance and fell heavily to the floor.
The bodily pain was nothing to him,
but he groaned in anguish at the loss
of time. He looked up. The clock
had stopped!
The hands marked IL. He could
reach the pendulum. 1t must be start
ed. There was still n chance of more
delay. Again the struggle to regain
his feet harder now because of his
growing weakness. Nearer and nearer
he crept to the motionless rod. A nod
of his head would start it,
MY Godr" he suddenly cried. "Why
didn't | think of it before? Is there
still timer And seizing the heavy
brass disk at the end of the pendulum
in his teeth he raised his head and de-
tached it.
The rod. freed of it's heavy weight,
swung rapidly back and forward, i'm
pelling the hands onward at a greatly
increased rate of speed. His eyes were
following the minute hand. He could
see it move, and the hour hand? Yes,
IL was creeping along. Toms strength
was going fast. He sank to his knees
and rolled over on the floor, but his
eyes were fixed on that hand. How
long would it take to reach Has?
Closer and closer it crept. Now it
touched the iron connection and moved
slowly past it. The alarm had been
sounded, but there were 10 minutes
more before Bill would arrive. He
strained his ears to catch the slightest
sound. The noise of the storm was all
that he could hear.
Click, click. click came from the in
/ strument-a message from Maysville.
Twenty-six had just passed. Maysville
/ was u minutes up the road-it must
now be Ills. Tom tried to calculate
! the time since the hands started on
/ their wild race, but his mind was a
chaos of mad thoughts. What if Bill
| did not arrive in season? He rolled
| over on his face and waited for the
| worst
! The door burst open.
Hello. where are you" 1t was Bills
voice.
"Stop 26-hold up at Dykes siding
! get mem But Bill was gone.
The red light flashed up the track,
and &c, with a noisy grinding of wheels
and many jolts, came to a stop. A
! posse was hastily formed, but when
the siding was reached nothing was
found but the open switch that meant
death and destruction.
The passengers and crew tried to
make Tom believe that he was a hero,
but he only pointed to the clock and
said:
at was the devils own "-Waver-
ley Magazine.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18

Speaker Denison if he saw q men,
ber wear any unwonted headgear other
than the regulation tall hat would send
for him and point out the irregularity.
In these days n billycock hat has fire.
quently been seen in one particular
quarter of the house, and the innova-
ton is tolerated. What Speaker Deni-
son would have said or thought If he
had seen few straw hats in the ex-
tremely hot weather of last session
the writer cannot venture even to con-
lecture.
A reference to hats recalls the Curl
Gus custom which prevails, that when
member wishes to interpose with
point of order after the question has
been put from the chair he must speak
covered" On one occasion MIR. Glad
stone wished to speak in this way, and,
MS he never brought hat into the
house, he was obliged hastily to bor-
row hat. 1t happened that the hat
which he borrowed belonged to his
then solicitor general, Sir f. Herschell
(afterward the lord chancellor, and 1t
proved to be far too small for Mr..
Gladstone's head. He was unable for
some time to address the house owing
to the shouts of laughter which his ap-
pearance called forth.-Good Words.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18
The Eagle and the Turkey.

The turkey is our great national bird
instead of the eagle, which | don't take
much stock In. Turkeys are good to
eat. Eagles are only fit to put as
stamps on coin. The eagle is raven
Gus, vicious thief. There Is nothing
brave or good about the eagle. The
eagle cannot be tanned and is of no
earthly use to any one anywhere at
any time or place. A hawk Is braver
than the eagle. If the eagle had the
courage In proportion to his size of the
sparrow, he would be n wonder.
1t was Il mistake-a sad, pitiful blum
der-to make the eagle our national
bird. And movement should be put
on foot now to place the turkey on our
coins and remove the eagle from where
he has no business 10 be. A bird so
useless should not be worshiped as the
eagle is. The turkey is n handsomer
and in every way a better bird. On Il
holiday occasions the turkey is cur
foremost fowl and furnishes the most
amount of delicious food Thanksgiv-
ing and the Christmas holidays would
be lonesome without the turkey.-Prac-
tical Poultryman.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18
| Eyes; two"

Eyes; two"
Dave laid down his pen, opened the
code and read a little to himself. well,
/ can put her in the penitentiary for
you." he said "'Not less than one
nor more than ten years., he read.
Outlet sat forward a little.
"How old is Your wife?'
"'Bout 30 year"
"I'll draw the Indictment Let me
see, the grand jury will meet whenf
Then the jury?' He was talking to
himself. with his eyes turned up to
the ceiling There might be some Of
those Hacllles on the jury. Umh, that
would be bad" Outlet twisted around
the full time though-ten years. That
would be good"
bullet leaned forward. Are them
Hackles obleeged to be on that juryF
he asked.
NO" said Dave; mot 1T all. Only
they may be on there, that's ALL He
lifted his eyes again TO the ceiling.
THAT might be all the better. They i
of course Lc pretty rough on / g. Ten
years. Shc'l hc about go when she
came out. Umh. They'd lave work
ed her pretty hard. 1T me see.
suppose they'd put .ar with the
thieves. dress bcr in Si i"cs a2'l maybe
whip her" DuI.ct s;...yd to give an
excla;nat;o.. la stopir - liStc2. Il
suppose /. -, i;..!y 'so-. he sorry ct
night at hrst. htt he'd @et isscd 10 ii.
or he might 30 down TO see her once
wear or so for fr.r :n.n nltes in bis
breeches if she live. He'd E::ss her
some. If she died. - = 70 10 .,oiany.
Well. the Iiacl.,rS Ho. ~ &c sorry.
Yes. caI 10 i. ia.a:. he - !.
bring. Us eye. ..3-T:l oI DHi.ct's face
and speaking pos.;i.ciy-
Dulct rose w.'h a jump Look
a-herc Mr.-Mr.-N : yocr EameE
he said "I'll just b.. G,.Iatl Of any OF
them Hac!iles kin put my wife in the
penitentiary. and ef anybody thinks
they kin let 'em try it,
Dave looked at him calmly. Il agree
with you" he said, land I'll help you"
There was a pause. in which Outlet
was rejecting. Then he asked, What
would you advise me to dog
81 don't advise you to do anything"
said Dave, but know what I'd do if
/ was in your place"
"WhatT'
I'D 90 home and send for Sairy to
come over to dinner next Sunday and
tell her to bring that fellow with her
he's more Outlet now than he is Hac-
kle, and every time my wife got uppish
I'd tell her | could have put her in the
penitentiary for ten years. but | was
too good to her to do it.
Outlet reflected and then said: I'll
do it. What does owe to you"
"a good DEAL" said Dave, but
want you to present it to Mrs. Outlet
for me-"
"Welp'- He walked to the door,
paused and then said slowly, 9Th mex
time you runs for anything, Jacksbor-
ough is a-gwine to vote for you" He
went out.
Dave was re-elected.-St. Louis Post
Dispatch.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18
AND THE YEARS GO BY.

Lightly sips youth at the wines Of its joys
Laughs at the charms OF Yesterdays toys;
Life is 30 long, and nothing alloys,
And the years 60 by.
Little by little the world shows its dross,
Deepens the sense Of enjoyment and loss;
Pleasure is wearing of part Of its gloss,
And the years so by.
Now there is question and doubt and dismay;
Well, time will alter. and truth will outstay;
Night is as needful, perhaps. the day,
And the years go by.
Work multiplies, and pleasures abate;
So much to do, and we are so late;
Duties still flocking now knock at the gate,
And the years go by.
Once-ah, we sigh, but we never can stopi
What is life for but to work till we dropf
Only one thought-to rise to the top
And the years go by.
Age is onooming, and what have we donef
Oh, We had dreamed Of such victories wonl
Whose is the fault, and what is undoneH
And the years go by.
What do we hold but a handful OF dustf
We were so wise in our first ardent trust.
Somehow we missed the real metal for rust,
And the years go by.
New York Observer.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18
HE CURSED THETOWN
END DE- THE FIRST CAPITAL OF ILL
NOlS PROPHESIED BY AN INDIAN.
The Destruction of the Town OF kns-
kaskia Was In Accordance With
the Last Words of the Chief Who
Died For n Woman's Love.

Since the waters of the Mississippi
river washed away the last vestige of
Kaskaskia, the first capital of Illinois,
an old legend that contained the proph-
ecy of the total destruction of the once
hourishing little city has been recalled.
Kaskaskia was situated on a peninsula
at the junction of the Kaskaskla and
the Mississippi rivers, and in 1882 the
Mississippi river cut its way through
the peninsula, leaving the remnant or
the town on an island. The water con-
tinued to wash away the rich alluyial
deposits on which Kaskaskia was built
until, late in 1900, the last foot of the
land where the town once stood disap-
peared. This singular ending of Kas-
kaskia's once splendid ambitions has
recalled TO the superstitious the story
that the town was cursed in the eight
eenth century by an Indian who had
been wronged by one of the leading
citizens.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18
POVERTY.

II four blank walls he mine, and evsry wind
That goes csreening through the vszts Of sky
Makes free with my shrunk easement, and my
hearth
Shows but feeble fame, and the rough floor
Has but the dust for carpet am poor?
Nav | am very Cresus, that, and more!
Fer no swart Mede can rob me Of the dreams
Wberewith l hang rapt Madonna there,
face Murillo painted, drape rich folds
OF gold shot damask round yon oriel
And heap about me rugs Of velvet pile
Deft wrought upon the looms of kermanshahi
Poor! Is he poor vino has Gods gift of dreamsf
Clinton Scollard in New Lippincott.
Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-04-18

[Some OF the heaviest average yielders in six
years trial of spring wheats: !, Preston; 2, Red
Fife 8, Goose; A. White Fife; 5, Huron; 9, Well
mans Fife; Z. White Russian; 8, Rio Grande.1
six years at the central farm they
have averaged for the whole period
&c bushels 81 pounds per acre, while
the remaining 10 varieties grown for
the same period have averaged 20
bushels 80 pounds per acre, an aver
age difference in favor of the best II
sorts of G bushels 81 pounds per acre.