West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-01-24

around and then said
"Mrs. Bowser, New Years Day has come
and gone,
"Yes," she answered.
"At the beginning of new year most
people look back over the last ~ months
aud call mp their shortcomings and deter
mine to avoid them in the future I"
alt is what they call swearing off,
isn't it 2"
"Nes. /, has 30, 50 that everybody pokes
fun at the man who makes New Year re.
solves, hut nevertheless It is right and
proper that one should decide to do this or
that 10 better things. | didn't say any
thing to you ON Nsw Years day, but yet
had several things in mind"
Mis-. Bowser looked at him aud felt a
slight chill pass over her If he had de
Iermined ON any change Of conduct, it would
end in a riot in less than two hours.
"No | didn't say anything on that day."
he continued, "but I'm going to say some
thing now. have firmly and fully made
up my mind TO do different in certain
matters. shall make my resolves right
here and now. Mrs. Bowser, do YOU know I've
go, To be an old orank--a blamed old crank.
with ears foot long ?"
"Hou are nothing of the kind" she
protested. "You get out of sorts now and
then, as all husbands do, but that's to be
expected. There is nothing you need feel
conscience stricken over"
"But there are dozens of things. Yes;
I'm an old crank aud kicker and bull.
doler, About four nights out of seven
come home ready for row. II nothing
else Is wrong, | hnd a shirt button ON the
floor and use it as an excuse. BY gum,
but when think of the rows have raised
over nothing wonder that you have no,
stabbed me with poisoned bodkin as
slept. The fact that you haven't simply
proves that you arc one of the sweetest aud
best little women in all the world"
"You have done nothing" she reiterated,
aud SO there is no need OF any new resolves.
Was there any late news Of China to-day ?"
Il don't know anything about news from
China but | do know II make a change In
myself OF hire some jaol,ass to kick me to
death Mrs. Bowser I've been an old
lallaloo
In his agitation Mr Bowser got up aud
began gcsIuring, aud the cat grinucd to
herself and saw fun ahead
What's a lallaloo - asked Mrs. bow
ser.
II don't know, but it's something pizen
mean. Now, you look at me, and hear me
as I say from this time oni
'Fi'st I'm not going to rip and roar
around when find elothespin On the
doorstep.
Second. II the bcefstcak is oyerdone
and The coffee not up to the mark, I'm going
to keep my mouth shut.
"ihird.--lf you discharge the cook, I'm
not going to interfere aud make jay Of
myself
Fourth III The gas bin is IS cents cx.
ira or tho coal is gone II minutes too soon.
I'm not going 10 jump up and down and
charge you with being the most reckless and
cXTayagant woman ever born.
Fifth shall bring home crowbar
To omouow' and the very first time get ono
Of my spells on / shall expect you to spit ON
your hands and hit me across the neck.
"Sixth.--I shall invest in no more tramps.
lost dogs, spring tonics OF fire escapes. Jut
behave myself like a sensible being. That's
all aud now give your hubby kiss and
lets be happy
Mrs. Bovser embraced him and told him
he was as good as gold and then used all
her power Of persuasion 10 get him 10 sit
down 10 bis cigar and newspaper again.
She couldn't accomplish it, however. Ills
conscience and his enthusiasm being aroused,
he couldn't keep quiet. lie wasn't satisfied
with being good, but he wanted to be very.
very good.
Glow on earth you managed 60 put UP
with a husband like me all these years is
mystery" he said as he walked 10 and
from, with tears in his eyes.
"fhere is nothing wrong with you, an
swered Mrs. Bowscr, laying aside her book
and rising up.
"Ihcre have been, yes. n thousand things
wrong with me. but there will not be here.
after When have played the crank and
the kicker and the fool, why haven't You
hired some one to boot me all over town 2''
81 must 90 upsiairs and shut the window,
she replied, as she moved away.
The idea was that If Mr Bowscr was left
alone for a quarter Of an hour he would
calm down and row would be avoided.
aud five minutes had passed and be was
growing calmer, when The basement bell
rang and iu a minute or two The girl brought
him up "a bill. It was bill from the butcher.
amounting to ~ cents. No. Bowser jumped
clear of fhe floor as Doe looked 90 over, and
ness moineht Doe wss shouting for Mrs
Boasef She came rushing down stairs TO
find thc cat grinaing with delight and Mr.
B9wsci as red as paini. and hc waved the
biil ap aud down and demanded
"D7 you see th.s ! gave you butcher
uonsy. and wha, have YOU done with h7
Spent 30 for novel. aud gamdrops and RON
me iu debt
''You made that bill yourself one day
lasi week when you ordered chops. You
bad $40 biil and tbe butcher couldn't
change f Dontyoa rem-mbcr2"
''Neycr Never never ordered chops.
"Bai you surely did j, was last We'd
nesday night and You said it was English
mutton"