Evening star., 1901-11-09
FAIR WOMAN uPHEL D

There was foxy sparkle In her eye
when her husband got home from the Of
flee the other afternoon.
John" said she. as she helped him or
with; his overcoat. what date Is today
Let's see.'' said he, In the tone of a
man thinking OF something else. why. It's
November 7th."
.Um-yes." said she. gazing smIlingly into
his face ''wellg'
"wen?''
Cant you think of anything remark
able that happened one November the Tth,
such long. long time agog'
He emerged from his thinkfhg-of-some-
thing-else trance then and for the first
time her idea percolated through his mind.
November the 7th, such long long time
ago, hey?' said he, refiectively. why.
sure enough. it's my birthday clean for
got all about IL And you call that such
a long, long time ago, do your That
sounds as il I showed up on earth some
time back in the icthyosaurian period. And
by the way, how did my appearance on
able?''
That's Just like man-forgetting all
about his birthday" she commented, ignor-
ing his questions. Now, what do you sup
pose have got you for a birthday pres
entY'
Pair OF suspenders."
slippers"
Ton of coal"
.No-o-or'
Had your piano tuned"
Mean thing-no.
Pair of wrist warmers"
"Nopey."
Pipe
No"
Now. il is right at the present juncture
OF this narrative that the screech-teasers
OF the howlingly comic press would proceed
TO get in their effective licks. The young
husband would be pictured as becoming
suddenly pale as he placed a hot. feverish
hand to his forehead. Then the mirth-
evokers of the funny sheets would cause
him to gaze upon the wife OF his bosom
with an expression of acute misery as be
toppled onto lounge, and to inquire, In
sepulchral, hopeless tone indicating the
grief of his spirit:
You got me a box of cigarsI"
Then the stricken husband would be por-
trayed as endeavoring to smile wany, so
as not to make her feel badly. ana she
would be depicted as running upstairs and
fetching down TO him a nice, large box OF
100 cigars, neatly tied up in their box In
baby blue ribbon. and he would be shown
picking one of them out OF the box and
looking it over with forced interest and ap-
probation, and
However nothing whatever OF this sort
happened
You got me a box of cigars. them said
he, in a pleased IL somewhat matter-of-fact
tone. Good thing. Let's have look at
them"
She produced them and showed them to
him, and
No. he did not handle the one that he
picked out of the box to look at as IL 1t
were piece of rope Neither were the
cigars cutely tied up in baby blue ribbon.
They were a standard brand OF Reina Vic
torias. and she hadn't purchased the 100
at an auction for 9S cents. She had got
her eldest brother to pick them out for
her, and she had paid s12 for the 100. This
was about twice much as her husband
ever paid for his cigars when he bought
them by the box, but she considered that
as his birthday ony came once a year he
was entitled to the treat.
Consequently, all of the screamingly
funny features are removed from this vera
cious story. The husband cannot be pic
tured as wearing a martyr-like expression
| as he smokes brittle, fiaky smokes that
| have the aroma of onions, nor can he be
| truthfully described in the act of putting
| up all sorts of lodges to get out of the me-
| cessity of smoking the cigars at all such
! as removing handfuls of them from the
| box every morning and giving them to the
messengers at his office, and so on The
| cigars were about the finest articles IN the
tobacco line that he had ever had any truck
with, and, as simple matter of fact most
| of the cigars that are purchased by wives
| as gifts for their husbands are about 100
| per cent better than they ever buy for
themselves
The same applies to the neckties which
wives buy for their husbands. the laugh
diggers of the humorous weeklies TO the
contrary Notwithstanding
The professional funnyists are going m
get rid Of the old, frayed-out subjects and
restock one of these days. but until that
time arrives IL is desirable to straiphten
out some OF tneir ancient, shop worn goods.