davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31

METHoDIcAL JoHN.-A West Side wo-
man a few days ago was boasting to e
caller of the virtues Of her Mongolian
cook, and she emphasized the latter's
systematic methods as his special
strong point.
John finishes his work at precisely
the same minute every evening"" said
she proudly. II always know exactly
where is and what he is doing at any
time Of thu day."
"Well, what is he doing now?" was
asked.
LET me see It is o'clock. Well,
he has just finished putting the dishes
away. and at this moment Is sweeping
the kitchen. Come. let's go and see If
I am not right"
They started through the dining
room and found everything in its place,
as prophesied. In the pantry the dish
es were neatly arranged in their custo-
mary places. Then they opened the
kitchen door.
There in the center of the room was
John and he was-complacently wash
ing his feet in the Observation-Disclosures
Sentinel.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31
humorous department.

DID You EVER OcToPUs?-A young
couple from Northbeach. on visit tc
Barnum & Bailey's. had succumbed te
fatigue, and were seated on bale OF
hay in an obscure corner of the menag-
erie tent.
What do you reckon Is the most
strange thing we seed?" said the girl
Its hard to say; but know what
I'd like to be now"
"The flying-trapeze man?" she ven
tured.
mo, not him."
- "Mebbe the ring-master?"
Nor him. You recollect the octopus
in the glass tank? Well, I'd like to
be he"
"Why?"
"Cos he'd nigh unto a hundred
arms. and I'd like ter use EN- all a
huggin' you hundred times at onct."
Jerry, that's a very wrong wish"
"'Taint neither"
"Oh, yes tits! It's sinful ter waste
time wishing for the impossible. stead
O. maxim the best Of sech opportunities
ez yer happen ter have"
And Jerry rose to the occasion, and
put all his energy into the gentle art of
octopusing.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31
Willy BOEH LEADER.
How a British Surgeon Was Hood
winked In the Transvaal.

How q British Surgeon Was Hood
winked In the Transvaal.
There have been many instances of
"slimness" among the Beers, and not
the least noteworthy example occurred
when General Darlington smashed up
Delarey in the course Of the march
from Ventersdrop to Krugersdrop.
Among the wounded Beers was Com
mandant Celliers, who was discovered
in barn with both thigh bones per-
forated by a bullet. The bones were
not shattered, but the Boer had lost q
lot Of blood and was evidently dying.
It transpired afterward that the vrouw
(kind souD had rubbed his face with
flour and had smothered the bandages
on the thighs with the blood Of young
barndoor fowl which was the only dead
thing on the premises. After talk
with Colonel Shekelton, the Boer gen.
eral, with broken voice and quivering
accents, expressed himself as fully pre-
pared for the next world. and sorry
that months before he had not taken
the advice Of his friends and surren-
dered.
Not to be bluffed too easily. Colonel
Shekelton called an r. A. M. G. man,
and requested him to leave his Cape
cart and attend the dying commandant.
One thigh was barred amid the groans
of the expiring man and found to be
perforated by a projectile. The pain
caused the Boer to faint, so the tourni-
quet was hastily replaced, restoratives
from the coloners f1ask-were ap-
piled, and the patient opened his eyes.
He requested, as a last boon from a
considerate enemy, the concession OF
being allowed to die among his friends.
!: The other thigh was not examined,
and the gallant Britisher left the man
to die in peace. The surgeon, to we
near in case of excessive hermorrhage,
said he would sleep under his Cape
cart. The column left before daybreak
and the surgeon saw them depart.
When the gray dawn broke he knock
ed at the farm house door, but an hour
elapsed before the slumbering inmates
arose. When the vrouw opened the door
it took another half an hour to ex-
plain that the surgeon wished to see
General Celliers, and when at last 1t
was made plain to her, she said Tin
TaaI, of course), "Oh, he got much
better during the night, and left in a
Cape cart" The surgeon lost his pam
niers and his kit, but he found a note
written on a leaf torn from his pocket
book which said: II have borrowed
your cart. Pray, excuse my rudeness,
but necessity knows no law. If posi-
BILE, your cart will be sent back into
Krugersdorp in time to meet you be-
fore you leave" The memorandum
was unsigned.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31

where he expected to meet the commit
tee which has charge of the construc-
ton Of the new barracks. The senator
was in fine spirits, and talked merrily
to his friends and acquaintances who
gathered around him. He came up
town in company with Hon. P. L. Har-
din, who came in on the same train,
and after visiting the court house and
greeting the various county officials,
dropped in at County Chairman r. B..
Caldwelrs office and remained there
until time for his train. When asked If
he would attend the political rally
here on August 10th, the senator re-
piled that he would certainly be here,
and that he wanted a good crowd to
hear the discussion. His references to
Senator McLaurin were frequent and
severe. He knows all about what has
been going on in Washington Of late
years, and when he calls McLaurin a
traitor" he cites the official record In
proof Of his charge. We inquired or
the senator who he thought would real
ly be in the race next summer for NC
Laurin's seat. He said that judging
from present indications there would
be several. It has been said in many
parts of the state that he would favor
Congressman Latimer for the place;
but MS statement to us was that he
had no special choice: he wanted to see
McLaurin left at home and he didn't
care who got the place; just so he was
a good, clean. honest Democrat and not
a Republican. -. Miss Leila M. Brice,
who has been visiting her sister, Mrs.
James M. Caldwell, at Wellridge, spent
last night at her brothers, A. G. Brice,
ESQ.,, and left this morning for visit
to the family Of the Rev. j.. c. Gal
loway. at Gastonia. lon the evening
of July oath, at the residence of the
brides mother, in this city, the Rev. D..
N. MCLAUGHLIN officiating, Mr.. Shelton
c. Till and Miss Adell M. Hood were
married. Mr. Till Is a clever and pop
ular young salesman Of David Bros,
Dillon, S. c., and Miss Abel Hood Is
the charming and popular daughter of
the late Sheriff w. H. Hood. The
happy young couple left on the south
bound train for their future home at
Dillon, S. c., carry with them the best
wishes Of their many friends here and
elsewhere.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31
having travelled a little over one-half

having travelled a little over one-half
of the globe.
On July 5th he was in Yokohama,
from which place he secured East
steamer and crossed the Pacific In IL
days. landing at Victoria on July 18th.
Then came the final sprint across the
American continent. He arrived In
Chicago Saturday morning at So min
utes, AZ and As seconds past 6 o'clock
He was met at the railroad station
by great crowd. He sprang from the
train while It was still in motion and
landed in the arms Of his mother. But
greetings must be left for another time.
He was hurried along the platform and
sprang into a light buggy. driven by
Buffalo Bill Colonel Cody.
Then, accompanied by large group
of horsemen, dressed to represent peo"
pie Of the various nations through
which he had passed, he was driven
at breakneck speed to the office of the
Chicago American, from which point
he had started go days before. His ova-
tion was one Of the greatest known In
this city. He was cheered at every step.
He had beaten AOuis st. Clair Eunson,
Of New York; William c. CrisLendon,
Of San Francisco. He had placed far
in the rear Turot, of the Paris Journal
and Steigler, of the Matin. The two
correspondents sent around the world
by the Canadian papers may be chas-
ing butterflies in Japan or picking up
pebbles along the banks Of the Amur.
Nobody knows and nobody cares.
They have been hopelessly beaten by
a 16-year-old boy-an American.
The contest has been ended and a
new mark has been set for records in
globe trotting-a new record until some
more enterprising American sets about
to beat it.-Chicago dispatch Of July
22nd.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31
Wednesday, July 81, 1901.

Those simply numbered go into the
pack trains or are assigned to other
service.
With the muleteers the qualifications
have grown less rigid. At first, at the
offer of free transportation, the British
officers could pick their men. All the
discharged Spanish war soldiers were
chosen. But particular care was taken
that they should not get near Boer
recruiting station. Finally when the
South African enthusiasm began to
wane. the price had to be raised: return
transportation was added, later return
transportation and SIS. But New Or
leans was drained. Now hoboes and
tramps are enlisted from any old place.
They get free transportation on the
tops Of the stock trains from as far
away as Chicago, and the Britishers
are scratching harder for them than
they are for mules.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31

ar The following story is told Of a
young Irish sailor:
After pulling in 40 or so fathoms of
line, which put his patience severely to
proof, as we'll as every muscle Of his
arms, he muttered to himself, but loud
enough to be overheard by an officer:
Sure it's as long as today and to-
morrow! It's a good weeks work. for
any five men in the ship! Bad luck to
it. What! More of 1t yit? Och, muir
ther! The says mighty deep. to be
sure"
After continuing in similar strain,
and conceiving there was but little
probability Of the completion of his la
Dor, he suddenly stopped short, and
looking up to the officer on the watch,
he exclaimed:
bad luck to me, sor, if don't be-
lave somebody's cut off the other end
O. this line!"-The King.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31

BICYCLE VERSUS Cow.-An Irish
farmer went into an iron-mongers
shop to buy a scythe. After serving
him the shopman asked him If he
would buy a bicycle.
What is that?" queried the Irish
man.
Its a machine to ride about the
town on
And, shure what might the price OF
it be?"
Fifteen pounds"
"Td rather see fifteen pounds in a
cow"
But what fool you would look rid
ing round the town on the back Of q
GOVT"
"Shure. now," replied the Irishman
mot nalf such a fool as I'd look trying
to milk a bicycle. Tit Bits.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31

up in their flight, can instantly assume
and retain for long time an almost
perfect mimicry Of the groups Of black
ened stumps and half-burned. stunted
trees with which the country abounds.
In Abyssinia the Bareas tribe have the
same trick Of becoming invisible, add
ed to whicn they place their rounded
shields, that disposed in the grass look
exactly like boulders, before them for
screens, while they lie flat, watching,
unseen, for travellers to rob or enemies
to kill.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31
ENGRAVED
INVITATIONS

T HAVE just added to my stock line
l. of samples of ENGRAVED CARDS
and WEDDING INVITATIONS. Par
ties wanting such work will do we'll to
see me and get my prices. All work Of
this kind that furnish will be found
to be mechanically perfect, and the
prices will be as low as will be found at
any other place. and in many instan-
ces 1t will be considerably less. Call
and see my samples before placing an
order. can also furnish type printed
Invitations and Cards.
THOS. W. SPECK.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31

SG' Hungry Horace-Kind lady, can't
ye gimme somepin ter eat? 1 amt ate
nothin' Sence day before yesterday.
Kind Lady-And what did you eat
then. Hungy Horace-Nothin' but de
market report in an old paper.-Balti-
more American.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31

REASON FOR GRowLING.-The farmer
had told the tramp to search the shed
for some cold biscuit.
But don't strike a light, warned the
farmer. Il won't risk having the place
burned down.
Then I can't look for the biscuit,
boss" said the tramp.
why not?"
"Well, de last time I searched in de
dark l ate a lot of dog biscuit an got
de hydrophobia from hearin' meself
bark."-Chicago Daily News.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31

PROPER .-Magistrate-I am
told that you have already been con-
victed fourteen times on this same
charge. Aren't you ashamed to have
to acknowledge to that?
is convictions.
Prisoner-No, your worship. 1 don't
think no man oughter be ashamed of
Magistrate-Two months. without
the option of a fine.-London Pick Me-
Up.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-07-31

CHESTER.
Lantern, July 26: The committee
which has the matter in charge, has
fixed Saturday, August 10, for the big
political meeting here. The exact loca-
ton at which the speaking will take
place has not as yet been fixed; but it
will either be at the opera house, at
the Wylie Park, or at some grove near
town. Senator Tillman has already ac-
cepted the invitation to attend, and it
is expected that nearly all the aspi-
rants to Senator McLaurin's seat will
be here as the meeting will be the day
after the Union meeting, and they can
easily come from there here. Nothing
but national issues will be discussed,
and no personalities or mud-slinging
will be tolerated. No doubt a large
crowd will be present to take advan-
tage of this opportunity to hear for
themselves the views Of the various
gentlemen who will be here on the
great questions that are now before
the American people. The railroads
have been asked to grant reduced rates
from all neighboring points. and it is
possible that some of them will run
excursions in here on that day.......
Senator Tilman was in the city for a
few nourS Wednesday forenoon. He
came IN on the Lancaster train, hav-
ing made speech the day before ut Il
military picnic at Liberty Hill. and left
by the Seaboard train for Clemson,
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05
RUSSIA IS TIIs.EATs,EiN NC.
Declares Her Intention to leave Concert
OF Powers.


London, April 5.-"The Italian min
lister at peking' trlegraphs,' says the
Rome correspondent Of the Daily
Mail, that N. de Gicrs has threatened
that Russia will leave the concert
if the powers continue to oppose the
Manchulan convention.'
The Reuter- Telegram company has
received the following dispat ch from
Picking, dat eel April 4:
"China's rejection Of the Manchur-
ian convention appears to be of a
rather tcmporizing nature, leaving
the matter still open to fut urc dis
cussion.''
'By the end of May" says the Mos
cow correspondent of the Daily
Graphic, "thc Russian army in Man
churi;l will number 100000 men. 1t
is understood that the Russian min
lister of war General kourout kim
reckons upon the possibility of hay
ing to dispa tch an army corps south
into Corca"
The Daily Chronicle publishes the
following dispatch from Berlin:
Count Won Wal(lersee has sent an
urgent telegram to Emperor William
imploring him to endeavor to hasten
the negotiation for the withdrawal
of the allied troops. on the ground
that it is impossible TO prevent quar-
rcls between soldiers Of the different
nationaltieS which hi ght at any mo-
ment lead to serious trOuble.'
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05
ii HUNG CHANG LEAVES PEKENG.
Believed That the Emperor Is Displcased
With His Con duct.

With His Conduct.
Washington, April 4.--Although TO
official notice has reached here of the
reported departure of Prince Ii Hung
Chang from Picking for Shanghai, the
officials are inclined TO believe it is
true and that III Hung Chang i, real
Iy leaving Peking for good and be-
cause the emperor is disrleaseti with
his conduct of the negotiations. It
WAS known here that when III Hung
Chang was made ono Of the peace en-
yoys that he was pro-ltussian iu sen.
tilnent. but there was no cause for
complaint on that score until The
Manchuar agreement came up for
consideration. Now it is believed by
officials here that Ii s.as proved so
earnest an advocate Of the russian
cause and has Sc strcnlo,,sly worked
for the signature of the agree ni'n1
that his own government has felt OBJ
liged to deprive him of power to
further that agreement. If this un-
derstanlin@ is correct it is believed
that an c1fectual check has been adj
ministcred to Russia III her designs
upon Manchuris, for it is thought the
emperor Of China would scarcely have
acted in this summary fashion had
he not received assurances Of support
from some of the other powers.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05
.AGUiNALDO lANES GATH
/ But He Will Be Held a Prisoner for
al Indefinite Period.

Washington, April 3.-Secretary
Root has just made public the follow
ing cablcgram:
manila .,-Adjutant General, Wash
ington: Since arrival ut Manila Aguip-
aldo has been at Malacanan invests
eating conditions in the archipelago
He has relied almost entirely upon
the instructive advice of Chief JUS
tice Arellano. AS a result today he
subscribed and swore to the dccla-
ration on page II of my annual re-
port. Macarthur"
The oath referred to is as follows:
81 hereby renounce all allegiance
to any and all so-called revolution
airy governments in the Philippine
islands and recognize and accept the
supreme authority of the United
States Of America therein; l do sol
| EMMY swear that l will bear true
faith and allegiance to that govern
| ment; that ! Will at All times conduct
myself as faithful and law-abid-
ing citizen of the said islands, and
will not either directly or indirectly
hold correspondence with or give in
telligence to an enemy of the United
States. nor will | anet, harbor or pro-
tect such enemy; that l impose upon
myself these voluntary obligations
without any mental reservations for
purpose or evasion, so help me God"
-Four astcrisks in the cablegram
mark a passage withheld from pub
LEGATION, a bout which the officials will
say nothing.
WASHINGTON, April 3.--Notwith-
standing the taking Of The oath by
Aguinaldo he still will be held as a
prisoner by General MacArthur. 1t
is possible he may be granted more
liberty of action but We will not be
| afforded complete freedom for the
present. The action Of .\guinaldo in
taking the oath, it is believed at the
| war department. will have far
reaching G fleet in the racilication of
| the islands
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05
PHILLIPS PAYS $l4O,OOO.
Takes That Much to Cover His Losses in
the Chicago Wkcnt Pit.

Chicago, April 4.-Gcorge II. Phil
lips, whose daring operations in
grain have made him HE cynosure OF
all speculative eyes interested in the
cereal markets, passed Il crisis in his
career on the board of trade yester-
day. lie was driven from the wheat
pit. the weakest of his tefenses. but
stood firm behind the breastworks OF
corn and oats he has thrown up dur
ing the past few weeks.
Monday call for additional mar
gins was made and the young specu'
la tor put up $22o,O0o. Tuesday it was
reported that an additional call would
be made yesterday and that tremcn'
lous onslaught. calculated to fore,
him to the wall. would be made by
big operators. At the tap of the
opening gong yesterday the attack
came. Phillips produced 100000 I'D
ditional margin money in response
to the second call. Severely pressed
he rctreatcd from the wheat pit.
after selling 100000 bushels Of May
wheat at loss which will probably
average ~ cents per bushel.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05
Dietrich VIII Hold His Job.

Lincoln, Neb., March 30.-Scnator-
elect Dietrich announced definitely
last night that he would not resign
as governor until late in the fail.
probably not until after election, bar
ring, of course, Hn extra session of
congress, which he did not regard as
probable. Governor Dietrich just flied
this action by saying he had out
lined a plan of state administra ton
which he was anxious to put in effect,
and in this he is upheld by Lieutenant
Governor Savage.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

Try Grain-O! Try Grain-Ol
Ask your Grocer to-day to show YOU a
package of GRAlN-O, the new food drink
that takes the place of coffee. The children
adult. All who try it, like it, GRAIN-O has
that rich seal brown of Mocha or Java, but
1t Is made from pure grains, and the most
delicate stomach receives it without dis
tress. Il the price of coffee. 15c and Is eta,
per package Sold by oil grocers
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05
what Do the Chi.drcn Drinky

Don't give them tea or coffee. Have you
tried the new food drinl. called GRA1N-O2
It is delicious and nourishing, and takes the
place of coffee. The more GrainO you give
the children the more health you distribute
through their systems. Grain-O is made Of
pure grains, and when properly prepared
tastes like the choice grades of coffee, out
costs about u as much, All grocers sell it.
l5c and CSC.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

All diseased conditions of the blood
and skin are benefited by the well
known remedy, Garfield Tea; it puri-
fies the blood and clears the COM
pleXion.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

FITS Perrra nenty Cured. No hts aftel
first days of DR.. Hines Great Nerve Restorer
Send for FREE $500 trial bottle and treatise
DIR. T.. H. KLINE. Ltd 93l Arch ST., Philadelphia, Pa
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

I am sure Iiso's Cure for Consumption
saved my life three years ago.--Nrs. Thos.
Robbins. Maple Street, Norwich, N. Y, Feb
It 1000
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

Dc you suffer? Bet your life. Hat
p!eGrisy. doctors said no hope Mull's
Lightning Pain Killer cured It.. 25c.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

Blue bonnets and all other kinds
have the right of way in Texas.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

The bluest blue makes the whitcst white.
ulcnt limitations. Sold by all grocers
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

Russ Bleaching Blue makes clothes whittier
GERS sell it in 5 and 10-cent packages.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

Men were gay deceivers ever
Shakespeare.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

1t is a strange boy who does not
love a dog.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

The people who attend funerals
come to grief.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

Few children like TO wait to eat al
the second table.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05
Don't Lnme Your ia ok

The world loses faith when n doc.
tor gets sick.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

no need of worrying about any kind of
pain now that Mull's Lightning Pain Kill
er can be had. Kills pain instantly. 25c.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05
la Month,a. restEree,

II you have Dyspepsia, write DR.. Shoop Racine,
Wis, Box 143. for six bottles Of Dr. Shops Restorl.
tive, express paid. Pay $3.50 If cured.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

Kemp's Balsam will stop the cohgh
at once. Go to your druggist today
and get sample bottle free. Sold in
rs and 80 cent bottles. Go at once;
DELAYS are dangerous.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

The, sky is most cheerful when blu
est; but it is different with men.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

Happiness cannot be bought. but one of
the great hindranccs to it's att ainmcnt can
be removed by Adams Pepsin Tutti Frutti.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-04-05

Why experiment with untried rem
eoles for pain? Use Wizard Oil at once
ana be happy Your druggist has it.