The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1901-07-18

l.~.....~...-e.s the air. Earls can al
ways be recognized by
the altitude Of their chins. An Ameri-
can visitor to England once expressed
his regret to me that the nOtables Of
the British isles did not go round with
large printed labels Oh their backs tell
ing who they were, so that stranger
would not be compelled to follow the
example of Theodore Hook, who, meet
ing distinguished looking man on the
Strand, went up to him and inquired if
he was anybody in particular. The
American plaintively said, when l re-
marked that the nobility might object
to being labeled, that it would merely
be reverting to an old custom which
had been allowed to fall into disuse.
In ancient times the sWells carried
their labels on their shields, drawing
pictures thereon, because, as a general
rule, they were not able to write. Then,
when you met knight out in London,
all you had to do was to consult your
illustrated catalogue Of the titled fam
ilies-for the year 1892, for instance
and you spotted your man at once and
knew whether it was better to take to
a side street or not. AS rule, if you
had any valuables about you it was
safer to make hasty move elsewhere.
He suggested that if the house of lords
would consent to wear large numerals
on their manly bosoms, and if some
publisher would issue a numbered cat
a1ogue for siypence, to be sold at all
respectable boOkstalls, the arrangement
would be a great convenience to the
tourist.
A plain knight wears his chin at
certain angle, easily ascertainable by q
man who mixes in good society. A bar
onet holds his three degrees higher, an
earl five degrees higher than the baron
ct, duke is again ever so much more
elevated than an earl, and thus comes
our phrase, LAS drunk ii. e., as elevat-
e0 as a lord" My American friend
thanked me cordially for my Informal
ton, and, getting some further instruc-
tons on angles, acute and obtuse, he
went forth on the streets to test his
newly acquired knowledge, all Of which
brings me back to where I started, that
the Earl of Stobcross held his chin so
high in the air that his nose pointed
straight up to the zenith. CaptiOus
readers may say, How, then, could
duke hold his head higher? To explain
the matter l must refer to the history
of the earl. While most Of our dukes
ancestors came over with William the
Conqueror, the first earl of Stobcross
was dropped off on these islands by
Noah as the ark was passing the peak
of SkiddaW. The archives in StObcrOss
castle inform us that, although Noah
booked the first earl for the entire yoy-
age, the ancient mariner could not put
up with the earl's pretensions, who in
sisted on sitting at the head of the ia
BILE, while Noah held that this chair
was the captains place. His lordship
grumbled so much about the food and
complained so bitterly that there was
no smoking room on the boat that Noah
was glad to set rid Of him, and when
the marooned earl threatened him for
breach of contract Noah replied that
he had his remedy at, the law courts.
When the waters subsidized, the earl
went down the hill and seized all the
land he could get his hands Cor feet) on
and SO founded Stobcross manor. He
brought suit against Noah, but the lat
ter had sailed out Of the jurisdiction of
the courts. The monk who wrote the
Stobcross chronicles ventures a small
pun at this point, spelling the word
"JeW-risdiction," and explaining thus
fhn 0oti -
cross family. Whether the first carl
hated the Jews or not, the seventeenth
earl had great liking for them, mort
gagged the manor to them and blew in
the money resulting therefrom with
neatness and dispatch. Having nothing
else to blow in, he blew out his-weI,
the coroner's jury said it was his
brains, but those who knew the seven
teenth earl maintained that he had
none, so there is historical discrep-
ancy somewhere, probably in the earl's
head.
Be that as it may, the Stobcross
T. family has been poor and mortgaged
up to the hilt ever since, but their
pride never lessened in the slightest
resume to the middle Of the week be-
fore last and to Archibald, forty-third
earl of Stobcross, and his only daugh-
ter, the Lady Gwendolen.
l.. Difficult as it would be for us to
earn to love the forty-third earl Of
g ,bcross, even if I were content to
eE. the truth and say he was an
<amiable man, which 1 steadfastly re-
fuse to do, the case Of Lady Gwendo-
len calls forth our deepest sympathy.
The earl being poor, the neighboring
mobiles would not look at her, but
were all over in the United States
with lists of railway owners and pork
millionaires in their pockets, seeking
the eligible daughters thereof. The
earl being proud, Lady Gwendolen
was not allowed to receive the ad-
dresses of any of the rich tradesmen's
sons in the neighborhood, even though
the earl's grocery bills had not been