Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-03-02
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

w
made a mistake; that's the servant girl
downstairs working the clothes wringer"
--Tit-Bits.
Small Customer Ito general storekeep-
pr)-"Mother says as would you mind
wrapping up the kipper in ILLUSTRATED
paper. as her walls are getting very
bare"-Puneh.
Il see that the recognized army is to
have twenty-seven dentists That's a
war in condition to show their teeth
TO the best advantage" -Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
An Irish professor created a laugh,
when called upon to speak at the Biz
mingham church congress, by beginning
with a rich brogue,. Before begin to
more of the sentence.
Better Late Than Never-"You may
recall me, sir, as the man who eloped
with your daughter about year ago =
We'll, sir, what can do for you?" 81
may be little tardy. but | have come
10 offer you my congratulations" - Har.
per'S Bazaar.
Harry-"Girls take things so literally
yOu know" Fred-'As for example 2"
Five years ago, when my sister was
-. | wished her many happy returns
And if you'll believe it, her twenty-fifth
birthday returns regularly every year"
-~DOSIOH 1FduScTlpl.
I've been on this road ten years" said
the conductor on a Southern railroad to
passenger who complained of slow
time AN | know what I'm talkin'
about" Ten years, chr said the pas
senger. What station did you get on
Arkansas City Star.
He-"Cissie, I've heard it said that n
kiss without a mustache is like an egg
without salt. Is that SOP" Shc-"WeiI.
you see I've never" He-"Ah! Nowv'
She-"Never ate an egg without salt
glasgow Evening Times.
DisprOved.-Parke-"I know your wife
didn't like it because you brought me
home unexpectedly to dinner last night"
Lame Nonsense! Why, you hadn't
been gone five minutes before she re-
) marked that she was glad it was no
one else but you. "--Harper's Bazaar.
L was on the yacht.
How do you feel, Doc?" inquired the
punster.
oh, dry" responded Doc. who could
md nothing stronger than a lemonade
aboard.
Then you must be dry dock"
The Nature of an Oath."-A certain
member of the judicial bench is a golfer.
Kecently boy appeared in his court as
witness. "My boy" said his lordship,
soemnly, "are you acquainted with the
nature of an oath?'' II ought to be"
answered the lad sententiously-'
your caddier'
A Horse Dealers Warranty
remember, | take the horse on your
warranty that he will not shy at brass
oahd; Dealer (pocketing purchase mon
~, mats so. He amt 'fraid of no
bband; He don't scare at nawthn' 'cept
BICYCLES an flying leaves an pieces o.
paper an such things"
Mother looming swiftly)-"Why. Will
nG u,.S Striking your little sister,
WINE WINE (doggedlyl-."Auntie made me-.
MAIDEN Annt-"Why. Willie! l said if
You again"
Il, Willie (still doggedly)-"well, I couldn't
let no chance like that lip.'-Tit-Bits.
L., That Boy Again-Mrs. Bilkins (sweet-
El-Do have another piece of cake,
cousin john" Cousin John-"Whv, re-
any; I've already had two, but it's so
w ZOO ! believe VIII have another" Lit
wa winner! She said she'd bet you'd
make pig of rself"'-Brooklyn Life.
HOW 1T STRIKES A BOY.
Hald little Johnny Green,
D fSu rs the funniest world ever seen;
tteilSw is sent off to bed
"HeI ne haint got bit of sleep in his
ana ana he's hustled out of II. don't Won see.
"neh mes just as sleepy as he can be.
Boston Transcript.
Hrs MRS; Greene-"That was fine article
w husband wrote about The Smoke
b es4 tE!. Mr.; Greene says it is the
ject.'' A"' "ppe"ieu oh the SUP
70 Mrs. Gray-"Yes? I suppose it ought
20 De-. My husband smoked no less than
Tr.oclgars while writing it."-Boston
The THE late EDITORS wife is something of
lndeedP'
Yes. Took a line from his original
,,tt ono,.y and placed it on his tomb
What was it?"
we are here to stay" Atlanta
,. Ceon.densed-"Of course" said tbe
FAM, star manager. 1T will cost some
pa T7 ,r ezra TO display the title Of the
d"|.. yu yonr electric light sign "Ob. |
,ba,.. hhow- replied the proprietor Of the
bay" We amt spendin' no more'n we
~ 10. We've arranged to shorten il
jeJrlb5;aaa Gents Of Verona. "--Phila-
I'M. Hsoo.esse 0blige-"What are you star
wj.b d. NeliieT "Oh, please, ma'am,
p'an.S' you do look so like Lady
r9;5 genet Bingham that l was own
~ 20. Are you any relation, ma am"
"a, az least, no near relation But you
mi5o A& ave that pink silk shirtwaist of |
"e' Nellie. Life
ur,l froyider.-"Is your new husband |
aj1'.' on a provider. Malindy?" He des |
cit nothln' else, he amt. He gwine to !
ridin dime ne new kyahpets 70 de house. pro-
da me ne GIT de money; he gwine to cit !
III +oIty' providin' he 90 to work: he 20 |
$50 @orS' providin' hit suits him. / never |
-Tp5;aaa a prToyidin' man in all my days" |
Ina 'napolis Press.
n.a c"ish to ask Won one question" said |
"cN"eet Young Thing.
b ahead answered the Savage |
yor, rlor. Being a woman. of course !
"V.L'..SIIlon IL something personal"
want to know is this: Are |