The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1901-01-02

| Z. Z.
| An Engishman on his first visit to
this city with his family strolled down
Broadway alone one night and dropped
into music hall. He had hardly been
seated before two sketch artists perpe-
trated the following:
Persi1age-Hear about Jones? Terrible
thing happened to Jones.
Badinage-No.
Persifage He dropped $50 feet.
Badinage-You don't tell me? OF
course he was killed.
Persifage-No, not killed. They were
pigs feet.
A half hour later the Briton grasped
his sides and startled the house with an
outburst of cachinatory ecstasy. Recover
ing, he jumped up, hurried out of the
music-hall and soon reached his hotel.
He stopped outside the door of his room
and gave way again to a soul-stirring
laugh. Entering the room he immedi-
ately called to his wife:
Edith" he cried, ''Oh, this is the jolli-
est" and he gave way again.
His wife looked at him in frightened
surprise.
"Oh, Edith. did you ever hear about
Percy e!S, smithersF'
Bah jove, the poor fellow fell $50
feet"
How dreadfuly horrid! He must
have been awfully mangled."
mo. He fell on $50 pigs" and he ex-
ploded again and did not subside until a
| half dozen bell boys rushed to his room
to make solicitous inquiries.-New York
Evening Sun.
A Moist Defnition.-They were once
more talking about Trusts. Il heard an
other definition of Trust the other day
said Mr.. Northside to Mr.. Shadyside
men entirely surrounded by water
Pittsburg acknowledgement.
An Irish recruit was once brought up
| for breaking into barracks-that is, get
ting over the wall instead Of entering
the gate.
But, Murphy said the officer.
though you were late, you should have
come in by the gate"
''Plaise yer HONOR said Murphy, Il
was afraid of waking the sintry. Lon
| don Answers.
| The Leading Lady.-"Clara says you
have given her the leading part in your
amateur play THAT'S where we fooled
her. She leads off with feather buster
and a few words, and then doesn't have
another thing. to .''-Philadelphia
Evening Bulletin.
/ Mrs. Kendall is nothing if not impul-
sively genial, and the imperturbability of
certain characters has often a curiously-
irritating effect upon her, says the Phila-
| delphia Telegraph. She was shopping
one day at certain well-known stores.
| and, having completed her purchases.
took leave OF the assistant who had
served her with a friendly Good morn
ing" There was no reply. In that hard
no time, probably, for the minor gentle
nesses of life:
Say good morning and smile.' ex-
claimed Mrs. Kendall, impetuously.
| The girl started in mute amazement.
Then | shall remain here until YOU
DO, said the great actress, in the most
persuasive, but yet in the firmest tones.
| This was too much for the girl.
Good morning" she said and burst
out laughing.
From that hour Mrs. Kendars appear
ance at the stores in question was the
signal for an outburst of geniality.
''That sounds like hail." said the blush
ing bride, as the shower of rice struck the
top of the carriage which was conveying
them to the railroad station.
Well, IL is, NAH TO the DrIdo, said the
gladstone groom, gleefully. : Yonkers
Statesman.
Coroner-''Was there anything to lead
you to believe that the deceased was non
compos mentis when he took his life?''
Witness-'.Would ye moind AKIN me
that question in Englsh?" "Well, do
you think he was suffering from tempo
rary insanity? 2" Faith, twas just til
opposite av temperance insanity, bein'
that crazy wild drink he was Philadel-
phia Press.
-:o:-
Schoolmaster-" Muggins Minor.
what were the thoughts that passed
through Sir Isaac Newton's mind when
the apple fell on his head?
Muggins-'I expect he wuz awful glad
it warn't a brick. Fun.
TO-
The writer of some moderately success.
full recent novels is young man who
lives by preference a somewhat rough
and abstemious life, knocking about in
a rather vagabond name The other
evening at social ''function', = BOSTON