davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
The NICER WAY FOR FUNSTON.
Afternoon Ton Plot for Detnining Aguin-
aldo Would Have Been Better Taste.

Afternoon Tcn Plot for OBTAINING Aguin-
aldo Would Have Been Better Taste.
II. S. Martin in Harper's Weekly:
The ethics of General Funston's cap
ture of Aguinaldo are much in dispute
by the doctors of conduct. General
Funston. to gain access to Aguinaldo,
used forged letters and dressed him
self and his men In Filipino clothes.
MIR. Crammond Kennedy writes from
ing various authorities to support the
opinion that this was not justiflablet
warfare. His citations, however, from
our governments rules of warfare, and
General Halleck's book of international
law, give the impression not so much
that exploits like Funstons are dishon-
orable as that. being outside the rules
of war they are excessively hazardous.
OF course spies and perfidious intrud
ers, II caught, are rot prisoners of
war, and are not entitled to treatment
as such. If Funston and his comrades
had been caught and hanged, there
would have been nothing to complain
of. They took the chance of that, and
won. That they did anything worse
than spies are used to do is not APP
parent, and the most scrupulous gem
erals use spies when they can. Mis-
use of a flag of truce is dishonorable in
WtT, DuL uOl lies anu SlTalCSleo III gen.
eral.
Spying and imposing on the Gre
dulity OF the enemy is, of course, dis
tasteful to gentlemen, but there IS a
great deal in war that is d!stasteful
to gentlemen. Any general who is en-
gagged in war will tell you that war
seems still to be Indispensable to civ
ilizatton, but 1t isn't nice. and there Is
no longer much pretense that it is,
though some soldiers make little pref
tier work of 1T than others do. A nice
way to have caught Aguinaldo would
have been to invite him in to afternoon
tea and put beeswaN or some adhesive
substance on his chair. That would
have been in better taste than General
Tunston's way, If only it could have
been made to work.
General Funston, if he needs to be
consoled for catching Aguinaldo, will
have the solace of knowing that there
is very little that we have done so far
in the Philippines that the doctors of
conduct have been able to approve.
Perhaps now that Aguinaldo is caught
and the other Filipino leaders are sur
rendering, it may be possible to make
our actions accord better with our
magnaminity and benevolence than
heretofore.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
The Modern Fable of Uncle Silas and the
Matrimonial Game. y y y
ByGE Copyrighted. lbyRob Howard Rue
Copyrighted. 1901, BY Rober. Howard Rus ,oll.
by GEORGE AIDE.

A decrepit Old Settler commonly
known as Uncle Silas, had given up all
Manner of Employment except to Peg
around and tell other People what 10
do next. He was one of these County
Seat Oracles.
When he backed up to the Soft Coal
Stove in the Grocery Store and parted
bis Coat Tails and began to breathe
Wisdom, every one else Sang Low. He
would give the National .Administra-
pon n sharp Calling Down every few
Days and II the City Council ordered
nny improvements that did not SUIT
him, he spoke of the Body as a PASSED.
of l,unkheads.
He knew how to cure Stringhalt and
Chilblains or make Il Flax Seed Poul-
tice or persuade Hen to Lay or get
the Wiggle 1'ails out of Rain Water.
lie liked to prop himself up against 4
Fence and give Orders to some one
who was trimming a Shade Tree Be
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
The Man With the Hoe,

Catholic Times: Millet's "Angelus"
shows what the "lnan with the
hoe" could be if religion alone
were his friend. The church is
far indeed and the angelus faint, but
they hear it! Pierre and Susette are
not brother to the on. Their bodies
are toil-worn and hardened, it is true
but their souls are akin to the sera.
phim, and they know it. Their heads
are bowed low, but their hearts are
lifted high, whereas Markham's pic
turc shows well what the IMAM with
the hoe" becomes when religion fails
to stand between him and "the worlds
blind greed.'
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02

hoary old Fraud who steered me away
from getting Married. So you see I
have an Elegant Chance to satisfy
you, no matter what tell you to do.
The trouble is that we have our on
Days, whether we are Married or Sim
gle. A Man cannot get up every morn
ing and strike Concert Pitch the first
Pun across the Strings, no matter how
desirous he may be to keep In Hair
mony. Again, after a Man has been
Tied Up for a while. he begins to re-
cali the Bright Spots in his Career as
a Bachelor, and he Is prone to Imagine
that all the Unmarried Boys are hav-
Ing one long crimson Picnic, being
Fancy Free and unhampered by Re-
sponsibilities. On the other hand. the
male Hold-Over who occasionally re-
ccivcs an Invite to Dine with a Family
gets Flash of Domestic Bliss under
the most favorable Conditions and
goes back TO his substitute for Home,
feeling that Bachelor Existence is a
Dogs Life at the best"
Then Man cannot be happy, no
matter what Programme he Ander-
takes?" asked the Young Man, In a
discouraged Tone.
Legal Ceremonies and change OF
Boarding Houses do not greatly modi-
fly our Prospects for having more or
less of Il Good Time in this Life" re-
piled Uncle Silas. You see, every Man
has about SO many Kicks coming and
he has to use them up, whether he is
Married or Single. When we are
slightly Off our Feed, we are likely to
imagine that what we haven't got and
can't get is the One Desirable Thing.
Thus we have the diverting Picture of
the Benedicts sittinr around in Envy
of the Bachelors. Willie those who are
playing Lone Hands feel that they
would be much better off with Part
ners. couldn't rig up Policy for you
that would not cause me to be dis
liked at times. think that you had
better go out and Shake Dice with
yourself to find out what you want to
do. But no matter what your Course
may be, You want to remember that
there are Cloudy Days in all Latitudes
and no matter how well-fixed we may
seem to others, there are Moments
when we would fain jump our Envi-
ronments.''
Perhaps had better go it Blind"
suggested the Bachelor
Most People do" said Uncle Silas.
"a Leap in the Dark may land YOU in
a Patch of Canadian Thistles or Bed
OF Roses. but no matter where YOU
bring up will get used to it"
MORAL: Always advise n Friend to
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02


case hardened, weather-beaten Old
Bachelor occasionally runs into a lone
some Streak when he feels that he
would willingly give Ten Years of his
misspent Life to have just one chubby
Darling to patter out to meet him in
the Evening and call him Pop Mat
rimony is such long contract and has
so many Ups and Downs that some
times it seems IL sure Winner to those
ON the Outside, and again it is envel-
oped In a Blue Fog for those who have
to Put UP with it. When any one asks
me whether lie had better Tie Up or
not. it is only my superior Foot Work
that enables me to dodge the Issue. If
were to tell you to assume a Business
Risk, you would know in little while
whether you had made or lost But If
get behind You and give you hard
Shove toward the Married State, you
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
FIVE PERISH in FIRE.
Husband and Wife and Three Children
Cremntcd.

husband ami Wife and Three Children
Cremntcd.
Houston, Tex. april 3o.--Job Coping.
Il florist, his Wife and three children.
were burned to death early yesterda v
morning. and Mr.. aud Mrs. JEFF Hop
per We're badly injured in q fire which
destroyed livery stable and three
residences.
a negro who was recently discharged
by his employer is under arrest charged
9th having started the Are
In the ruins We're found the bodice
Of the victims. among them being an
infant which had been born to Mrs.
Coping during the progress OF the
Ere.
The fire started in the livery stable.
over which several families lived The
building was mere she'd, and was a
mass of fla mes when the tirefnen ar
lived. \ crippled widow, Mrs. Tho,np-
son. escaping from the building and
son. escaped from the building and sa VIZ
she saw the Coping family run back
into their room from the hallway. That
Mas the last seen of them alive. The
Hcppers We're cut off from escape by
the stairs and Jumped. Mr. Hoppers
leg being fractured, and Mrs. Hopper
rece!ving internal injuries
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02

fore any of the NeghborS sowed any
Grass Seed or made Garden or nut a
Foundation under the House. they al
ways went to Uncle Silas to get a few
Tips as to how thew ought to 90 at IT..
If they failed TO do so, he would come
and lean over the Gate and give them
the Caclsle and tell them they were not
doing it right.
Uncle silas could guess how many
Hands high a Horse was. and he knew
what kind of Bait to use for GogRle-
cd in the Dark of the Moon. Az a
ming. liz Mckinley had listened to I'm
Gle silas there wouldn't have been any
Trouble In the philinnlnes and ms FOR
that Nicaragua Canal Tomfoolery be
said he'd be Switched If he had.,.t
saw Through N fran, tba stort I7nc,a
Silas yyas lust MS Sp,y as Sparrow
and Sharp as any steel Tran.
A good many Young Folks came and
suuatted AT the Feet of ITnrle S,,as 80
as to get Truth i'm the Oripinal pack
age and he never Snouted more CO.
piously then when he VA l,o,flin,, forth
10 the Tlcdge,ines In fact tha Young
er and more SAMMY the Listeners the
moro elaborate vas his Disco,,,,sc,
Amons, those who came 10 tho Ioraa
Dfspensnry to ret tha benafI+ of JTncle
Sil,s' VAST I5,ynariance yvas certain
lJc-I,e,lcs who ,a,l s,aen f.irl,nsy Tar five
or civ ya,rs ana w,,s eoho,,t rood, 20
do so,nathing Dasncr,te
~ want vnmr A d,,ica ., no s,;d ortor
bo had e;van tho ,iv;ny ',nd,,,nrlx n
s.1,n, Cleo. t,,.t ma No., ,,.,.a ,,nan Nv,
Eynos,,re ~ hove eot some Mnnay IN
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
sPlNs1ERs HOLD A CONVENTION
Gathering of Old Maids in Jerse, Town
TO Ioralize ON Their state.

to Moralize on Their state.
New York sun: A ministers Con-
vention of Unclaimed Blessings was
called at Bayonne, N. j., last week in
aid of local church and 1t drew
large attendance.
The hostess wore gown of blue-fig-
ured silk and a poke bonnet. She sang
No One to Love; l,one to Caress' in
manner to move the most callous bach
elor to tears. The president read
convincing paper on THE Eligible Men
in Our Church, which seemed to
touch those persons differently. rhe
secretarys gown had been in her fam
lily seventy years. and she so announce
ed. though she didn't say how long she
had been in the family.
Other members of the convention in
ringlets, chintz, yellow satin and poke
bonnets sang respectively WHY Don't
the Men Propose, Mammal" and read
papers on "Woman's Rights" and
Roles for Ladies in First-Class Ho-
tells" A male professor was on hand
with a machine called 1.-The Remodel
scope" which worked wonders on the
wall flowers, and as result of it all
the church received substantial finan-
cilal benefit.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
M'60vERN STILL UKBEA1Eu
The Brooklyn Terror Bests oscaI
Gardner in Mechanics PayaI-
ion, San francisco.

San Francisco. May 2.-Terry Nc
Govern knocked out Oscar Gardner in
the fourth round at Mechanics pavil-
ion last night. From the first minute
until the end came there was never a
doubt in the minds of the spectators
as to the outcome McGovern forced
the pace all through and had no trou-
bic in land when and where he liked
Gardeners swings We're very wild and
ineffective, and only on two or three
occasions did he put a clean blow upon
the champion.
Gardner took a terrific pummeing
and went down repeatedly in the fierce
assaults of the Brooklyn terror. In
the fourth round Terry landed half a
dozen rights and lefts OH face and
body, and Gardner went down. He
struggled to his feet only to go down
again.
Gardner landed one left on the body,
and the blow only served to irritate
Terry, who came back at him With
lefts and rights in Il perfect shower.
Gardner received a hard right fairly
In the pit of the stomach and as he
was falling Terry sent in d left to the
jaw which ended the fight
Gardner lacked steam and was very
slow OH his feet. on the whole his
showing with the champion was dis
appointing.
The preliminary between Danny
Dougherty, of Philadelphia, and kid"
McFadden, of San Francisco, was a
whirl wind affair from start to finish.
In the tenth round Daugherty sent Nc
Fadden to his knees and while he was
In that position struck him a light and
unintentional blow on the face. The
referee promptly disqualified Daugh-
erty. The decision was very unpopular
| with the crowd.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
birthplace of the Potato.

Chicago Record: Peru is the BIRTH
place of the potato, which was used as
an article of food by the Incas and ex-
ported to Europe by the spaniards
when they took over quinine bark and
named it in honor of the countess of
Chincon, whose husband at that time
was viceroy. The Indians had used the
mark for medicinal purposes as
long rs any one could remember.
but this noble lady was the first Euro
pean to test its efficacy, and it proved
SO excellent cure for the malaria
which saturates the atmosphere of
Lima that she induced the Jesuit IA
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
Lump sum and Commission.

Lieut. Richard ToWnley, of the navy.
At present superintendent of the Ma
VIA ilau'lcal schooi. tstltled that as
.l'e result on conference WIN capt.
.NNe'i ne Wtn' 20 se.' aStie hros., con-
=. US, W no .uipts the Soii'.hiss''iy
i,.,' ".'i Nss'.''.'!es, et.. anu NO
80 ,a s'i'i" ~ ai'., iseei s-'Vvn
lt,..,5,. , oit , "i.
,, ~ W liiis
,,',.nt ~, ,,ast,4 H., ~, ~. ass,.1
r,o,y asl.e5l th..,1 f.r 60 non i''' ...',s
lrns y.,'s rai,9,.,,n, 10 h,,,a o,.ar '' ~,
s,,m anu I,s,,t ,rnw,,lav ax,,i.,, ,,l''
mai can't Rn,.1 Was ~, q ,,os,t,,,,, ~
advance thn interests Of tho flrm MA
that 1t ,yould il. aavanta.,ea,,s 10
'astle Bros. To oblige him.
Lieut.. Townlev testified that ha
further explainet TO Castle Bros. that
apt Reed might ALLOW them th,. us,.
II government lighters. and possibly
ae less rigid in the inspection of goods
purchased LIEUT. Townley said that
ne thought Capt Reed was doing a
noble thing in attempting To protect
The character of a brother officer. He
also said that such transactions We're.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
EXPLOSION KILLS FIVE.
A Fatal disaster at Coal Mines at And~.
son, /. T.

South McAllister, 1 T., May L.
Five miners were killed outright yes.
terday. seven others were burned Sc
riously and one is missing. the result
Of an explosion at the coal mines al
Anderson owned by the Choctaw. Okla
homa and Gulf railroad. and operated
ny the McAllister Coal company:
The dead:
EMANUEL TAYLOR.
JOHN CLARK.
WILEY CLARK, all colored.
ANDREW PEOZOLI.
DONNIE versatility.
The last two named are Italians.
Injured:
Ed Andrews.
Pat Woods.
Paul Saulack.
Moses Merritt
Three other men. names unknown.
Missing:
Joseph Petronish.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02

theirs to recommend it to the medicos
of the old world. These wise old chap.
sent it to Spain and Italy, and it is
said that one of the first doses of qui.
nine that was ever administered in leu.
rope was swallowed by the pope. The
unregenerate potato, which is still
found in wild state among the noun.
tains of Peru, is delicate vine which
bears a fruit about the size of a plum
and as yellow as an orange. Cuitiya.
ton has increased it's size and i'm
proved its flavor.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
cusArs ARE SATISFIED.
Mckinley Convince. Them No Troop,
VIII lie Sent to tho Island.

4
New York, May 2-T. Estrada
Palma called on the Cuban delegate.
at the Fifth Avenue hotel last nigh,
ana was in conference with them fol
over two hours. Nearly all the mat.
.ers which brought the delegates to tho
United States We're gone over. Genera
falnas views We're ascertained and
there Is reason to believe the question
OF fitting candidate for the presi
uencN was brought up, and a possible.
lty that Palma's selection was dis.
| cusscd
When asked for statement Genera
PortuonGo said:
~ great stumbling block has beer
removed; that is all can say"
What stumbling block do YOU
mean?' was asked.
Section of the Platt amendment
was the answer. "Cubans have been
afraid of your armies They fear wha,
some call Imperialism. In section 3 ii
provided that the United States ma,
SEND troops into Cuba Whenever In tn,
opinion of Washington such action Is
necessary. This provision awakenr&
wide spread suspicion. Many said il
Vas only a pretext for the United
states to continue a standing army In
CUBA, for all time. The presence OF
people, cannot but be onerous and
alscomforting to us. Others said. all
though the United States might with
draw her forces now she could. unde,
.hls provision. Immediately send them
pack again. 1t was perhaps magniil".
IN the eyes of the common people and
they demanded. If these suspicious
were We'll founded. that such measure
should not receive our sanction. Bu,
Mckinley soon assured us that thes.
suspicious We're groundless.
Presidents Sincere Assurances.
When we said by this provision the
United States had more jurisdiction
over cuba than over any one of its
own states because in the latter case
l understand national government
cannot send troops into state with
OUT permission of the state govern
ment. he said: Gentlemen, you need
have no fear. Troops will not be sent
into Cuba unless conditions little less
than anarchy prevail"
Inc presidents answer SO con-
vinced us that we could not but he
Impressed with his sincerity"
How do Cubans feel in regard to
independence" was asked
"Ninety-nine per cent of our people. y
the general answered, want indcpend-
ence They will not even listen ia
annexation. They want independence
absolute independence. Now l do no,
mean Cuban people are not disposed
to give Americans what they will need
for their defense. If the question of
Independence is settled. all differences
on the subject eliminated. everything
else can be arranged. BY independ
ence l mean sovereignty. We want to
regulate our own International affairs
but our preferences will be for .Amei-
ca to help. and support Cuba in case
of need. l am sure the United States
will grant Cuba it's desired independ-
ence. and l believe Washington will
soon announce to the world that Cuba
is a sovereign power. and Cuba wi i'm
deed be nation by February "a, 1902. u
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
TRIAL OF CAPTAIN
REED FOR BR|BER,
Charges Against Former Commits
sary at Manila Are Being
Aired.
" LOOKS LIKE A CONVICTION
Testimony Is Given IN n Direct Name.
That Reed Received Money-Ho
Claimed 1t Was to Protect
Another Onicer.

Manila, May 1.-The trial of Capt
sary at Nlaniia and Who MAS arrested
about II fortnight ago for alleged par
.icipation in the commisSary frauds
Nas begun yesterday. and bids fair to
develop into II celebrated case. Capt.
Reed is charged with soliciting and re-
.eiving bids. and With other official
1liscounduct
M the beginning of the trial counsel
tor the defendant objected to the iuris-
aiction of the court. alleging that
dnder an act promulgated in 1901 Of
fcers of the regular establishments are
Ineligible as members of a courtinar-
.ial to try an officer of volunteers. The
defense further denied that a state of
war existed In Manila AT this time and
alleged that the provost marshal. Gen,
SEQ. w. Davis. is unauthorized to con-
vene n general court martial, and inil-
mating that as Gen. Macarthur viz
tually preferred the charges aga'ilst
apt. Reed. the orders directing his
trial 10y courtmartal should come from
Washington. The defense further OBJ
te.ted to the fact that several mem
beers of the court We're of inferior rank
to Capt. Reed. All these objections
We're oNerhauled and the hearing OK
testimony was begun.
Accuscd Major Davis.
MIR. SCHNEIDER, manager of the AL
hambra cigar Factory. testified that In
November Captain Reed had told him
that Major Geo. II. Davis, who was the
depot commissarN before Captain
Reed. but who was sent to the United
States on sick leave and whose nam"
appears Upon the books of Evans 4
Co. government contractors at Manila
as the recipient of $1,000. was $1,000
short In his accounts. Continuing. Mr.
SCHNEIDER testified that those having
profita bic contracts With the goNeNrn-
good Major Davis deficiency. Schn-
dler gave Captain Reed $1,000 which
was 2ia per cent commission. on the
cigars sold to the commissary depart
ment during the time that Major Da-
Wis was depot commissary at Manila.
An officer named Franklin. who was
assistant commissaryy, testified to the
effect that on March is, and following
the direction of n superior officer. he
obtained $1,000 from Major Davis, and
paid this money over to SCHNEIDER.
Inspector General Darlington testi-
a.d that during the preliminary inves
tigation of the commissary scandals
Captain Reed admitted to him recov-
aring money from SCHNEIDER and others.
and gave as an excuse that the money
so recovered was intended to cover Da-
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
Gold Expor...

New York. April 29.-Kuhn Loeb &
Co.. will ship s25O,OOO, and Heidelbach
Ichelheimer & Co.. $1,5OO,0OO in gold to
Germany tomorrow.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
WRECKED BY ROBBERS

Dynamite Used to Open Safe Destroys
store Building.
Ashabula, o.. May 1-Robbers
early this morning blew open the safe
In the store of Richards and Herrick
Fire quickly broke out after the es-
plosion of dynamite. The building was
totally destroyed, as WAS adjoining
business houses. The loss is S20,0Oo.
Fhe amount secured 10y the robbers Is
unknown.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02

IA gush of bird song, patter of dew,
A cloud and rainbow's warning.
Suddenly sunshine and perfect blue.
An April day in the morning"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
shamrock Ran on . Mudpank,

Glasgow, April 29.-1t transpires that
Shamrock IL. grounded on mud bank
near Dumbarton. while proceeding sea-
ward Saturday. She was noated In the
course Of an hour and 1t Is believed she
was uninjured
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02
Keoe,ve. Mar n. y. M,n,.t.r-

Budapest, April 2s:-Emperor Francis
Joseph today granted farewell audience
to retiring Minister Harris, and subse-
quently received the new United States
minister, Robert 8. Mccormick. who pre-
scented his credentials.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02

William E. Claiming: Every human
being is intended to have character
Of his own; to be what no other is and
to do what no other can do.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02

Boston, April 29.-The directors Of the
Burlington railroad today declared a
dividend of 50 per share for the four
months ending July L
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-02

Flattery and fools food ara both
fashioned out of the same cook book.