Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13

very swagger. You know what swag-
| ger is, of course?"
1T yhas When you swell oudt und be
VERY smart"
"rhat's all Well, the countess gave
a straw ride and invited twenty peo-
! pie. The BARRIERS wife was one, but
Mrs OSulivan was left out, and 1t al
most broke her heart. She came to me
with tears in her eyes and said:
But the idea of It. Mr. Sprocket,
and me being brought up under straw
stack, as it were."
"The guests were treated to root beer
! before they started. and then the wag-
on drove up and down twenty-seyen
different alleys and passed all the boil
err shops and slaughter houses in town.
They stopped somewhere and loaded
I'D with pop, and they were a hilari-
GUS crowd when they got home at mid
night You know what an unqualified
success is, don't you?'
out any water in it,
Exactly. That's what this was, and
Mrs. O'Sullivan lambasted her goat.
walloped her man and licked her chill
dren before taking to her bed. The
straw ride was the talk of %le block.
and it got into the papers among the
latest social events. Even the under
taker around the corner, VINO never
notices anybody unless there's casket
goes with it, came around in a couple
Of days to congratulate the countess
'Und dot vhas all?" anxiously quer-
led the grocer.
ooh, no. replied the janitor. You
see. the BARRIERS wife had a score to
pay off. She felt that she must deal
the OSullivans second hard blow.
1t wouldn't do to have another straw
ride. and euchre parties and high teas
were not starting enough for her. sac
just put her head to work and you
can never guess what happened
"Maype she elopes?"
mo"
"Or tries to hang herself?"
NO"
"Und she don't join the Salvation
Army?"
mo. sir. She just piles a lot of
things into one Of the closets in the
evening. sets them on fire and then
takes a walk. In about fifteen minutes
we had six fire engines out and more
than thousand people 1t wasn't
much of fire, but what there was OF
it was swagger."
How could he be swagger?" asked
the grocer.
"Why, the woman came running
back and tainted away on the steps;
most elegant faint you ever saw-equal
to any of the Four Hundred. That was
point No l. AS soon as she had re-
covered she tried to rush past the fire
men, and two of them had to put their
arms around her That was point No.
2. When the fire was out, she entered
her rooms and claimed to have been
robbed of $500 in cold cash and five dia-
mond rings That was point No. g. and
the four reporters made half column
articles about it and called her her
oine. By George, sir, but Mrs. OSulll-
van Went into Ats and had thirty-four
tIa
them out She's lying on her back in
bed to-day, looking up at the ceiling,
and once in awhile she fetches a groan
like dying horse
"Und so it vhas troubles, troubles,
troubles?'
We'll. when three women set out to
down each other, somebody is going to
get hurt, you know. What are lemons
selling at to-day
The grocer picked out three which
had seen their best days and soured on
themselves and handed them to his en-
tertainer. All of 'em shall die some
day
VERY likely, if not sooner"
"Und none of EN- goes to heafen?'
Not a blessed one, but they won't
| kick If woman can get the best of
another in this world, she don't care
a continental about the other. How
ever, I'm going to empty barrel OF
tracts in the halls tomorrow, and if
the osullivan goat don't eat them all
maybe something good will come out
of it."