Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1901-03-06
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First Boy-Your little baby brother
hasn't any hair. Second Boy-No; the
doctor what brought him was bald
Smart Set.
A Weakling Chap: She-You're get s
ting tired of kissing me already. He
what makes you think that? She-I
saw you stop to take breath.-Bazar.
A Bird in the Hand: ma. is there
any pie left in the pantry?" There il
one piece, but you can't have It," "You
are mistaken, ma; I'VE had it."-Tit-
Bits.
The Last Resort, Superintendent
These goods won't sell ut IL cents -
yard. Dry Goods Man-Mark them up
10 IA and put them on the bargain-
counter.-Brooklyn Life.
Visitor--What's become of old Sam
Bungs? Longshoreman Billy-Dead
sr-died Of art disease; n visitor gave
him shillin' very sudden; my arts
very strong, sir."-Tit- Bits.
A Horseless Episode: Editor-Were
there any novel features connected
with that automobile collision? Re.
porter-No. Two coachmen and ave
women all hollered "Whoa!"-Puck.
Say. joe" remarked Stroller. who
was anxious for jaunt, what do you
say to a tramp after dinner?" "Gener-
ally" replied Joe Hose, II say: Get
out, or I'll turn the dog on to you" -
Philadelphia Record.
The Blessed Child: 1.-THE naughty boy
told me to go to the bad place." said lit.
tie Algernon. "Yes," said his fond
papa. But told him never went
anywhere without my papa"
delphia North American.
Butcher-Come, John, be lively now;
break the bone in Mr.. Williamson's
chops and put Mr.. Smiths ribs in the
basket for him. John (briskly)-All
right, sir, just as soon as I've sawed on
Mr.. Murphy's leg.-Tit-Blts.
Willing to Talk 1t Over: Her father
You have been paying attentions to
my daughter; you haven't proposed
yet? His Lordship-Not yet, sir. Her
Father-Now, let us come right down
to business; what will you take not to,
propose?-Brooklyn Life.
At the Front: Lady-Well, what do
you want? Tramp-Leddy, believe me.
I'm no ordinary beggar. was at the
'front.'" Lady with interest)-Real-
ly- Tramp-Yes, ma'am; but l
| on,1jp,t ,,olo onvhndv hoar co Il carna
round to the back.-Punch.
.sYour! husband is not looking well: to-:
night, Mrs. Rhymer. Has lie been
overworking himself?" ut isn't that
so much; It Is his originality, Why,
that man is struck by so many original
ideas that his mind must be one mass
of bruises "--Noman's Journal
A Wise Suggestion: Husband lover
his morning paper)-l see that all the
i trains are tied up out West. Wife
When will those Western women get
over their folly; if.they'd only adopt the
rainy-day costume they wouldn't have
to resort to such foolishness.-Ex.
Fnddy-Did you hear of the terrible
accident that happened to Danby2 His
injuries were SO serious that his most
intimate friends were unable to recog-
nize him. Duddy-Terrible accldent7
Railway collision? Felleof his bicycle2
Fuddy-Worse; he has lost al his mon
ey.-Tit-R Kits.
But how did you impress the Wild
Tagalos that you were from Bostoni"
Inquired sthe steamship captain. "Oh,
that was easy,p responded the return
ing;anti-imperialist; IT justitoo stick
and sketched bean-can in the sand.
Then pointed to my big head and
nose-glasses. Chicago News.
Finished: Here comes that girl
from Chicago. Has she received good
education? well, she's spent three
seasons at summer resort. broken on
seven engagements In two years. lived
in New York apartment house one
winter, and bowed to Henry James.
What more do you want?"-Bazar.
Where the Shoe Punched: The Prima
Donna (after the first acD-I won't go
on again unless that box party makes
less noise nearly had Mysteries! The
Manager lin surprise)-l didn't hear
any noise. The Prima Donna-You
, didn1s Why, they encored that up.
l, start7of contralto four times! Puck.
Blnks-Yes. my family took In the
whole Paris exposition, and It about
half killed us. Such crowds! thought
sometimes we'd never get home alive.
J, Minks-My family enjoyed tue Paris
exposition Immensely. Binks-l don't
see how. Binks-We stayed at home
and read about it.-New York Weekly.
A conscientious child: Good boys
never let their left hands know what
their right hands do. Amt that what
the minister said, mamma?'' "Yes.
dear" Pm good boy, amt l, mam-
map 81 think so, my dear" Yes.
Cause whenever reach in the jar to
steal cookies allus put my left hand
in my pants pocket!'-Ex.
81 guess my wife has got the fever
for changing things worse than any
woman in town. I'll bet she's already
changed half her Christmas presents"
sort Of a mania, eh?' THAT'S just II.
Why, only this morning | gave her a
So bill and she said she guessed she'd
20 right down to the store and change
it."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A Martyr to Principle: "Ah, poor
thing! Her end was sad in the ex.
IRENE" "Indeedr' You know she al.
ways revoltcd at the idea that there
could be anything in common between
her and the lower classes" $50 have
always heard" well, she caught cold
from her cook, and was SO ashamed
that she refused all medical aid, and
died!"-Life.