Marietta daily leader. (Marietta, Ohio) 1895-1906, 1901-01-31


laboring under the intensest excite
ment, saluted.
"I have the honor toinform you, sir.
said he chat the magazine has gon'
up!"
''The powder magazine, you doubt
| less mean?" said the captain.
"No. The magazine in which the
story of our adventures is running!"
The Captain paled. For moment
he thought of shouting hoarsely to his
men to clear away the boats. but this
would obviously avail nothing. They
must all perish.-Detroit Journal.
An American who was soiouring in
Spain at the time says that on the very
day when Dewey was destroying the
Spanish squadron at Manila. repre-
sentative audience, including some OF
spain's bravest and best. were attend
ing a patriotic bull fight in Madrid
applauding the words of the famous
matador: "With the ease with which
have killed this noble animal, the bull,
will the glorious Spanish nation uphold
the traditions of the past and keep
green the laurels of their illustrlous
fathers by triumphing over the Yam
kee Pig"
Severe Test.-Stranger-Call your
paper a great advertising medium do
you? 1t isn't worth shucks. put an
advertisement in it last week and did
MT get an answer-not one,
Editor-My! my How was the ad-
vertisement worded?
Stranger-A poor man wants a pref
ty wife who can do her own nouse-
work.-New York Weekly.
John Smith. who was arraioned be-
fore Magistrate Alderman, OF Phl''-
delnbia the other morning fer beng
drunk said that ne was not drinking
man, that the offense was the hrst he
had ever committed. IF you are not
a drinking man, then why did you get
drunk?" asked the Magistrate. The
prisoner picked up the Court Blple'
and handing it to his questioner' NE
said: "You will find my reasons IN
Proverbs XXI, Al" The magistrate
opened the Bible at the place Indicated
and found the verses to be as folloWs.
"It is not for kings. o Lemuel, it Is
not for kings to drink wine; nor TOT
princes strong drink:
81 est they drink, and forget the law
and pervert the judgment of any OF the
afflicted.
"Give strong drink unto him that is
ready to perish. and wine unto those
that be of heavy hearts.
"Let him drink, and forget his pow
arty. and remember his misery no
more"
.
-Muadn-Last time | saw you, OLD |
fellow, you had big wart on your
light knuckle that you had just tried |
l charm on. How dit it work?
Woolley-It left there and went over
IN one of my left knuckles. 1t dfdn
20 out of the business-it merely
changed hands-Ohicago Tribune.
..-,t,o pbi,odeInbia RecorIp tells a
tory of a physician of that city who
vas called to see an old lrishman ana
lis wife down with colds. He advised
Iuinine and whiskey as an antidote.
You must both take it," he said
Take it every three hours-two grains
# uuinine and a swallow of whiskey."
'he next day he called again. The
nan was up and about, but his wife
vas in bed. Did you follow my in
asked the doctor. ITO
he letther," replied the husband.
low much quinine have you left?"
vas the next question. Sure, Oi tinK
he have taken tn whole av it, said
he man. "And did you take it, too?"
sked tie doctor. "Divil tn bit, 81 was
he reply. "Begorrah, it kept me
,usy takin tn whiskey every tonne
he took a pill, an sure she's in bed
n Oi'm uD."
g
Because the world would not take
i'm seriously he killed himself.
Perhaps they'll undertake me SER
ously!" he observed. wittily. as he
rank the fatal cup.
At his funeral brass band played
irges, there were banks Of flowers,
nd the multitude wept copiously-
Detroit Journal.
49,
The Rev. Mr.. Sheldon, of Topeka, has
his to say about the evangelical
hurches of England: "There is more
ormality there than here. / could
Ot get usad In this Tho nI,lnitc Xuara |