davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13
MR.. BOWSER'S CRAY0N.
He Has One Made to Leave TO Pos
terity.


terity.
Copyright, 1901. by c. r. Lewis)
Mr.. Bowser had been acting mystic
riously for four or five days. A long
haired, wild eyed man had rung the
door bell and asked for him at different
hours and had twice held secret inter
views with him in the library. and
twice he had dressed up in his best on
a week day and gone out for couple
of hours. Mrs. Bowser had asked no
questions, knowing that the facts would
come in due time, but the cook had
Volunteered the information that the
long haired man was an anarchist and
was coaxing Mr.. Bowser TO blow up
three or four churches with bombs.
Things came to a climax, and the mys-
terry was solved after dinner the other
evening. Mr.. Bowser came home in
the best of humor, and when ready to
sit down, he said:
My dear, you will probably remem-
Der that l became a member of the
Good Night Cub a few months ago."
Yes, | believe ! do" she answered
Il haven't ATTENDED very regularly,
but it seems that | have made some
thing of hit just the same. The club
desires crayon of me to hang on the
walls of the parlor."
But you never attended but one
night"
Mo, guess not; but the members
appeared to be struck by what I said"
What did you say? You didn't
make a speech. and / think you came
home and told me that things were
slow
mo matter what ] said" retorted
Mr.. Bowser with a nettled feeling at
being boxed up. THE club wants my
picture and is going to get it. l con
slider it one Of the greatest honors ever
paid me-
so that man with flying hair and
wild eyes was an artist" she queried
One of the best in town. He want
ed photograph as well as three or
four sittings, and he has turned out
something to be proud OF. | am ex-
pecting it to arrive any minute
wanted you to see it and give me your
opinion before / sent 1t to the club"
So that's what you We're up to-
Well 1 hope it is good likeness. Who
is the artist?'
Names Parini, believe, and he DE-
longs to the Italian school, He's a i'm
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13

goose filled with a cold drink, remem-
Der. and every goose can be attached
"Here-how vhas she?' exclaimed
the tailor as the major stepped on MS
toes and crowded him out OF the room.
Ten thousand dollars for the nrst
year. and perhaps I'll give you a COM
mission on every goose sold as wen.
You'll realize it, Mr.. Katz-youll real
ize 1t in a day or two. Come IN 10
morrow-next day-any time-and
we'll sign
Mr.. Crowsfoot," called the tailor as
the door closed on him.
Ten thousand for the first year.
"Mr. Crowsfoot, ! want my money
And an increase after that. Best
thing on the market, and everybody
will buy at sigh"
II say, Mr.. Crowsfoot.
But there was deep, dark silence on
the other side of the door, and after
waiting for five minutes the tailor
swore to himself and llmped down
stairs.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13

fellow down hard if he comes around.
Good night
Mrs. Bowser had heard all from the
top of the stairs. At first she thought
she would go down but she did not
want to make 1t more painful for Mr..
Bowser. She heard him return TO the
sitting room, she heard him talking to
himself, and then she heard whoop
and a crash. He had seized that cray
on with the heroic attitude and a
smash-and then he had jumped all
over it and blotteo it off the face of
the earth. By and by there was ST.
lence and she went to bed. 1t was
half an hour before he came up, and
he was still breathing hard and carried
the red in his face. She counterfeit
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13
Did Your Grandfather Fight at Lex
ingtou?

Did Your Grandfather Fight at Lex
fngtons
Whites Miranda, the oldest daughter,
came down to the gate. She looked a bit
Uneasy. and as | handed her out news
paper, ! asked:
Anything on your mind. Miranda"
Just thing or two she replied.
ABE, do you know anything about
windmill mem"
Not much, but 1 never trust them
Why"
We'll. there's one putting UP a mill
over at Shattucks and he's hanging
around here every evening. In fact, he
says he loves me-
How does he say it, Miranda?"
"He whispers it with his arm around
me-
And what do you say to what he
says?"
why. sort of want to marry him and
sort of don't. Father and mother says
he's all right, but 1 dunno. l think his
left eye squints, and 1 think I've heard
that girl should look out for a squint
eyed man. Have you heard sou
always, Miranda. A man who squints
has got tricks up his sleeve. When chap
SquntS and Is IN the Wlndmlll business
to boot look out!'
We'll, ] want you to do me a favor.
Stop at Shattucks and see him and see
il he squints. l may possibly be mis-
taken. Father says it's only the mans
way of looking at his nose. You can tele
phone me from Shattuck's. Do this for
me, Abe, and you may save me from an
unhappy marriage"
I'm do it. Miranda If there's a squint,
I'll be on to it in five seconds. You'll hear
from me in half an hour"
The man was putting up mill as |
drove up, and / got down and went
over to tho spot to get good look at him.
Durn my cats if he didn't squint in both
eyes and had a mole on his nose and a
wart on his chin to boot. | got to the
telephone and called up Miranda and said;
Warts
"Where?"
"On his chin; also moles"
"Where?"
ION his nose; also squints."
Which eye?''
Both"
huff said. Thankee. Abe. and good
by
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13

Bowser retire while he removed the
wrappings and placed il on an easel
under the light, and it was ten min
utes before he called that all was
ready.
Behold Bowser, the philosopher" he
said as he stepped back with a wave OF
the hand
She behe.d him-that is. she .beheld
the picture of a man who seemed TO be
suffering with collie and trying to reach
down bottle OF pain killer from the
top shelf of the pantry. 1t was not
only the work Of an amateur. but he
seemed to have caricatured his subject.
Mr. Bowser stood on one leg as If it
were lhitehing post, and the other was
lifted as If his corns troubled him. The
neck was half as long as the body, one
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13

Gle Threw Mrs. O'Connor's Goat Out
of Second story Window"
eating up half the hall carpet, but
think ! wrenched my back and shall
be more careful. Perhaps it's as we'll
to let goat have the run of the halls.
Some folks thinks it gives place
uniqueness. You know what unique
ness is, don't you, Mr.. Wasserman?"
"Vhell, MAYBE he comes in barrel,
but / hat no room to keep him. Und
does something happen some more at
does fats?"
you bet. Something's always hap
pening. You know, | told you about
Mrs O'Sullivans watermelon party?"
20 be sure. Der melons vhas all
green, und eaferpody has collie. y
Yes, but neither the BARRIERS wife
nor the Countess Divito found that out.
They looked upon it as the greatest
social event of the season, and of
course they want to return the snub.
1t was the countess who made the first
move. She got up straw ride
"Und who vhas it," queried the gro
GER.
We'll, you fill a wagon box with
fresh straw and then load up with peo-
pie. They sit on the straw, you know.
It's supposed to be harvest dance, a
lhusking bee, an apple pairing and a
spelling bee all in one and is considered
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13
GRAND PROMOTER.
Major Crofoot Munifcently Rewards
His Tailor.

Copyright 1901 by c. B. Lewls.)
Major Crofoot sat in his Office, with
his feet on his desk and his eyes abb
sently fixed on the wall, when some
one opened the door and entered and
gentle inquired:
Was some Mr.. Crowsfoots to
home?"
by George" replied the major as he
dropped his feet and swung around
"by George, but what curious coinei-
dence. You are my family tailor, amt
you? Why, yes, Of course you are, and
l was thinking of you this very instant
Good morning Mr.. Katz-good morn
ing. hope you are WE'LL"
Eyes, vhas well. like to call und
see you about some bills"
Certainly-certainly. I believe do
owe you little balance, and you shall
have check as soon as | can write
it. only vish owed you thousand
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13

"BehoId Bowser. the Philosopher"
dandy at crayon work, and his prices
are very moderate. If he wasn't Hoping
TO get other orders from the club he'd
never have touched this for fifty dol
lars
Mrs. Bowser's heart sank, but she
tried to keep her feelings out of her
face. and Mr.. Bowser smiled and con-
tinued:
The attitude will probably surprise
you. | stand with my left hand on my
bfeast-so-and my right lifted TO
heaven.
But what for"
10 make a strong picture. like those
OF the ancients."
Mrs. Bowser choked UP and could say
no more. and the cat walked round
and round Mr.. Bowser with broad
grin on her phiz. The silence was
threatening 10 be painful when the
1doorbell rang and boy left the pic
ture. Mr.. BoWser insisted that Mrs.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13

Uncle Sam, amt your" he went on.
About two-thirds, and the rest {.
Monroe doctrine
Il see. and durn by buttons IL I had
one chance in fifty OF coming out on top.
guess you do know something about
lightning rods and / guess III be moving
on"
Abe" said Uncle Jim as he turned o
me and patted me on the back. you run
the United States. don't you?"
Purity near It, said l.
WAL, l want to say right here and
now that you run it to beat the band.
and any time you and the American eagle
and the flag of liberty want to lay
off for a week you Jest come and stop
with me free gratis
The next day. as I got along to Stephen
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13
HONEST ABE. U. S. M.
He Tells Of a Couple of Interesting
Adventures.

Copyright. 1901. by c. b. Lewis)
When I got along TO Farmer Risdon's
the other day, he was out in the barn
yard talking to a. lightning rod man.
Mrs. Risdon came out after the mall
and there were tears in her eyes as she
said:
Abe, the old man is. bound and deter
mined to make fool of himself
LAS to how" said l.
las to lightning rods. That barn was
built twenty-one years ago, and 1t has
never been struck but that agent has
got the old man afraid that 1t will be
knocked all to pieces by tomorrow night
If he don't have $50 worth of rods put up
It's no use for me to say any more but
you might do good.
But the great United States never in
terferes with the lightning rod business,
said l. 1T wouldn't do for me to say
a word in my official capacity.
Then say it as man. Ever since you
traded an old watch off and finally got
horse out of it the old man has Dragged
about your smartness. II you'll stop the
business, Abe, you shall never want for
apple butter and pumpkin pies while l
live"
IN do what can, Aunt Mary" said
|, and l took a stroll out where the men
were talking. The lightning rod man
wasn't a bit pleased with my company.
He was full of CAB and figures, and l
hadn't listened to him a minute before
/ sized him up for liar. L let him go
on for awhile, and the farmer was about
convinced when l put in my nose and
remarked:
Uncle Jim, do you want to get shet of
this barn very bad?''4
"Of course not" he says.
well. if you do you just put up
couple of lightning rods, and you'll have
it struck sure enough"
Maybe you know something about
lightning rods" sneered the agent as he
turned on me.
Maybe l do said l.
Il don't think so, and If you have any
mail to deliver you'd better get along
~ can tell you a Few things about rods,
and here's one Of them or the nineteen
barns in this country struck and burned
last year fourteen had rods on them"
That's a whopper!'
"And, Furthermore" said I, of the
fifty-eight barns burned in these four
counties last year forty-seven had rods
on them. I've got every name just as the
papers gave it. l had some thoughts of
going into the business myself. but con-
cluded that l hadn't enough cheek
Sir, you are a liar!' exclaimed the
agent as he danced about.
And how will you be licked-in my
official or private capacity"
EITHER one. Come on and let me
knock a little truth into you.'
/ went for him in both capacities in
order to make a sure thing of it, and
the row didn't last over five minutes.
When he hollered, 4 let him up, and when
he was up he pulled handful of grass to
wipe his bleeding nose on and asked
Stranger, did your great-grandfathe
fight at Lexington
z He did," said /. HE was the first man
to fall
And did your grandfather fight at
Bunker HIP"
For sure. He left his bones there
And your father
.'He fell in Mexico after helping to
waIlop the Greasers."
And you yourself-you are mostly
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13

shoulder was badly Topped, and the
feet were only little smaller than beer
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13
Nipped in the Bud.

Let me be frank and cal your at
tention to a little fault of yours
Certainly; but first let me call at
tention to Your fault of not attending
to your own business"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-10-13
THE LAW FOR HER.

Betty did not like crusts. but mother
objected to their being left on her plate.
and one morning at breakfast time Betty
exclaimed:
"Oh. mother, do wish they'd make an
ANTITRUST law, don't you?"
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1901-07-30
HOW TO KEEP YOUNG.

Never neglect your daily exercise. A
brisk walk of mile or two in the fresh
morning air, or four or five mile bicy-
Gle ride is one of the first essentials.
Plain, nourishing food, with an abund-
ance of good, ripe fruit is another. Fruit
is best eaten in the morning. Bahamas
are easy to digest, and very nutritious;
grapes are nourishing and fattening;
apples are especially good for brain.
workers, and oranges are said to be OF
great benefit to sufferers from rheuma-
tism.
Personal cleanliness is another essen
tial for keeping young. A daily bath
and a good rub will clear the complex
ion faster than any medicine.
Have plenty of fresh air in your living
and sleeping rooms. Leave your bed
room window open from the top several
inches every night, no matter how cold
the weather; have your bed covering
warm and light. On getting up in the
morning arrange your bedding and bed
so that they may be thoroughly aired
leave the window open in your bedroom
for the greater part of the day. In your
living room ventilation is also necessary,
and sunshine too. Poor ventilation is
accountable for much ugliness, and, in
children, deformity. Fresh air and sun,
shine are as essential to human being
as they are to plant.
Avoid tight corsets, carriers, sleeves,
armholes, collars, and Wristbands. Tight
clothing disturbs the circulation of the
blood, and is the cause of red noses, en-
larged veins, flushing, etc.
Eight hours sleep is absolutely re-
quired to rest the brain, and ten
minutes nap twice day will do much
towards warding off wrinkles and keep,
ing the face youthful.-Culinary Topics.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1901-07-30
Now H,sA We. II. Tew., Of s..sas

How HisA Wss the Tower Of Bebs1v
The actual height at which the last
stone Of that famous structure, the
Tower of Babel, rested cannot, on &C
count of the remoteness Of the times ut
which It is said to have existed, ever
become more than o matter OF merest
conjecture. Herodotus, who lived about
1, 100 years after that great spiral way
10 heaven" Is said to have been at
tempted, says that he saw at Babylon
structure consisting Of eight towers
raised one above another, each 70 feet
in height, but whether this ruin was
the remains Of the Tower Of Babel It
was even then impossible to ascertain.
Herodotus, usually infinitely exact In
his writing, leaves us in ignorance as
to how the upper level Of each Of these
rs foot towers was reached from the
level below.
AS might be expected. even In tradi-
ton, a wide difference Of opinion exists
as to the height Of the tower. Most orr
entalIsts maintain that God did not put
q stop to the work until the tower had
reached q height of 10000 fathoms, or
about II miles. In Ceylonese tradition
It is said to have been as high as 10000
elephants, each standing one above the
other. st. Jerome asserts on the au-
thority Of persons who had examined
the ruins that 1t did not reach height
exceeding four miles. Other state
ments are still more extravagant.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1901-07-30
HOUSEKsEPsRS SHOULD BE ME-
THODiCAt.

lhOOlS1ls
Housekeepers often waste their energy
and make their lives thoroughly un-
comfortable by neglecting to plan out
the work that lies before them. The
good housekeeper looks forward, and
before going to bed at night she has
arranged her plan of campaign for the
following day, and when the ime comes
she carries it out methOdically. The
poor housewife, on the contrary, exer-
cises no forethought, and does not
trouble about anything that has to be
done until the moment comes for doing
it. The consequence of this mental in
dolence is a lamentable loss of peace
and comfort in the house, and a .perpet-
ual hurry to overtake time, which could
easily have been saved by little careful
planning.
Another very common mistake of
housewives is to Over-estimate their
strength. The question of economy is
never of greater importance than when
applied to our energy and powers of
endurance. 1t is no good for us to
practice the most rigid economies, if, at
the same time, we overtax our strength.
Some women with more energy and
ambition than prudence will crowd into
one day the work that ought to occupy
two. You may perhaps feel inclined to
admire their powers of despatch, but
probably if you called the day following
you would rather lament their want of
discretion. Almost invariably you
would find them tired and exhausted,
and very likely fretful and peevish, a
source of discomfort to themselves and
to their households. There is no econ
omy in this sort of energy, for the work
OF the one day, if spread over two,
could have been performed more easily,
and without detriment to health and
enthusiastically Magazine.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1901-07-30
Bill Nye on Life Insurance.

The late Bill Nye's Endorsement Of
life insurance Is probably the most
characteristic paragraph to be quoted
from his writings:
"In these days of dynamite and swift
changing presidential administrations
and dark tunnels through which an en-
gineer goes cropping his way at 25 miles
per hour, these days Of tumbling signs
Of the times and tipsy telegraph poles,
live wires and dead repairers; these
days when the politician and the dead
ly bridge policeman with his pull lie
down together under the influence OF
the same stimulant; these days when
death turks in the air we breathe, the
earth we tread, the food we eat the
water-the water we battle in say 1t
behooves us to look well to our insur.
ance and our future state, and / take
pleasure in certifying and saying to
whom these presents may come that
since I became fully insured my health
has improved so much that It Is sub
ject for profound congratulation on my
own part and the deepest disgust on
the part Of those who would naturally
Inherit my vast wealth."
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1901-07-30
A STRONG GUARANTEE.

For Coughs, Colds, Bronchitis, Influ-
enza, Whooping Cough and all Throat
and Lung troubles, Bauer's Instant
Cough Cure is generally conceded to be
the quickest and surest remedy known
to science. 1t loosens and clears the
bronchial tubes and prevents pneumonia.
Constant coughing racks and infames
the lungs. 1t weakens their action and
consumption often follows. Why do
you run such risk when in Bauer's In
slant Cough Cure you have a remedy
that acts quick and sure? 1t is pleasant
to take and does not cause that nausea
at the stomach SO commonly following
the use of other cough cures. Children
can take Bauer's Instant Cough Cure
and they like it. This famous remedy is
sold under the strongest guarantee pos
sible. If it does not do the work your
money will be cheerfully refunded. For
sale by F. A. Shurtleff & Co.; A. Dud-
ley, Bryant's Pond; Grin Stevens, Ok
ford.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1901-07-30

| a SAFEGUARD AGAINST CURIOSITY.
When prominent picture dealer of
New York starts the topic of wOman's
curiosity, his wife always laughs and
bushes, for she knows the story that is
coming.
zone day." the picture dealer begins,
81 decided to close the small exhibition
studio which leads from the gallery, and
put Private on the door, just for an ex-
pertinent. There was an important col
lection of water colors by one of our
best artists in the gallery. sat at the
desk just outside the entrance, and pre-
scented to each lady fresh catalogue of
the paintings. When she took it polite
| ly requested her to leave it as she went
out.
"This request was complied with in
every instance, and l was enabled to
notice most interesting series of coinci,
dences. On every catalogue save one
there was in one place or another little
smear of gliding transferred to the paper
from the carefully prepared knob of the
door marked Private"
When the story has been accepted with
laughter by his listeners, somebody is
sure to ask: Glow about the one cata-
logue that was undecorated?" To this
query the picture dealer has one invaria.
BILE answer:
"It was the catalogue carried by the
young woman, who afterward became my
wife. She told me that the other women
turned the knob merely to see if the door
was locked, but she knew that sort OF
gliding rubbed off. and she had on light
gloves. youths Companion.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1901-07-30
Keeninx the Head Clean.

Keeping the head perfectly clean Is a
great aid to health. An exchange tells
Of distinguished physician who, hav-
Ing spent much Of his time at quaran-
tine, said that a person whose head
was thoroughly washed every day rare
ly took contagious diseases, but when
the hair was allowed to become dirty
and matted 1t was hardly possible to
escape infection. Many persons find
speedy relief for nervous headache by
washing the head thoroughly In weak
soda water. We have known cases al
most wholly cured in ten minutes by
this simple remedy. A friend finds 1t
the greatest relief in case Of rose
cold" the cold symptoms entirely leav-
ing the eyes after one thorough wash
Ing Of the hair. The head should be
thoroughly dried afterward. and drafts
Of mir should be avoided for little
while,
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1901-07-30
The Heart of a Mouse.

A tiny mouse who lived near the
house Of n magician begged him to
save her from the cat Of whom she
lived in deadly terror.
So the magician changed the mouse
into cat, and she went away delight.
ed.
In few days she came back again
In terror. "Oh. save me, save me now
from the dog" she begged.
And the magician changed her to a
dog.
A few days more. and back she came
this time in deadly fear Of a tiger.
Nonsense" said the magician. "You
have only the heart Of a mouse, and
afraid you will always be. 1t Is the
heart that tells"