The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1901-09-20

for alternating her husband S affections
by jury at Wellington. Perhaps
she will be quiet for a spell now, at
least until her moneys gone.
A Wichita girl was to have been
married one evening, but the groom
did not appear. Promptly next morn
ing she sued him for &c. 900. Gracious
think what fate it would be to be
tied to so punctilious a person !
Noting the suggestion that all anar-
chists should be banished to some is
land, the Hutchinson News amends
the motion so as to specify that they
be taken to mid ocean, put overheard
and allowed to seek their own island.
Mrs. Bailey of Abilene, bride of a
few hours, was frightened into convul-
sions by q charavari party, and may
die. Every member of charavari
party should be presented with an
"unloaded" gun and compelled to
monkey with it.
When Mrs. George Latchem of OF
tawa saw her baby fall into the
well she went promptly in after it,
dropping into three feet Of water. She
found the babe on the bottom, picked
IL up anu SDduhtu IL NutIt SuO lOuuu
it. Both survived the ordeal.
One Clay Center boy whaled another
over the head with base ball bat and
he grabbed the bat and was about to
return the blow when a cop interfered
and arrested them for fighting. But
they proved by score of witnesses
that they were "only foolin'."
United States Senator Wellington
who refused to express regret at Nc
Kinley's injury has been elected from
his Philadelphia club. If the Senator
will come to Kansas he can connect
with clubs galore, from the wet elm to
second growth hickory variety.
Some surprise has been expressed
at the fact that the man who edits the
Mintonville Record also runs photo
graph gallery and sharpens knives
for hire. The pictures wouldn't help
particularly but bunch of sharp
butcher knives would often come handy
in the sanctum.
Chanute is planning for public IL
brary so as to offer resistance to any
money Andrew Carnegie may try to
throw past the town. incidentally it
is hoped the in Institution will cultivate
an erudition that will enable a proper
title for the passe Fin de Steele Club
to be discovered.
Hutchinson has had swell church
wedding, hundreds of guests, extern
sive decorations and u bridal trip to
Colorado Springs. The groom is a
barbershop porter and his bride an
industrious negress. 1t is proper to
wish that their life may be one long,
sweet song, full of "nigger minors, "
The Oberlin Times says new Dutch
brakeman on a passenger run through
that town was told by the conductor
to call out the name of the station at
his end of the car, giving the name of
the town as the conductor did. AT
the next stop the Conductor called:
"McCook." "Same at dis end, +"
howled the new brakemon.
Hereis the way la western Kansas edi-
tor interests his readers: "If you have
! frequent headaches, dizziness and
! fainting spells, accompanied by chills,
cramps, corns, bunions, chilblains
epilepsy and jaundice, it is sign that
you are not well, but are liable to die
any minute. Pay your subscription a
year in advance, and thus make your.
self solid for good obituary notice. "
Minneapolis Messenger: One man S
idea OF the proper way to deal with
the would be murderer of Mckinley:
! Skin him alive every year for twenty
| five years, and at each skinning rub
| the bare flesh with salt. Then at the
expiration of that time, put him neck
! deep into vat of hot oil and cook
him, and in the meanwhile throw into
the same vat every man who even
looks as though he sympathized with
him.
While T.. w. Hoch was visiting in
! Colora 10 his son ran his Marion Rec
ord. The old man sent in a commu-
nication and the son thus introduced
it: f.. w. Hoch has submitted COM
munication to the paper which we
finally decided to print. You will find
it on the local page, Many of our
older subscribers will remember that
Mr.. Hoch used to edit the Record and
they will no doubt be interested in
reading again something from his pen.
Arrangements have been made by
which he is to become a regular con-
tributor of this paper after this issue.
We bespeak for his articles on the
part of our patrons, a mental applica.
ton as generous and complete as was
the physical application he so fire,
quently accorded us in the days gone
by.
O Potato
Tuber ineifable,
Wand delectable,
Esculent fryable,
Boilable, bakable,
Stewable, chewable.
Always agreeable,
| IIyOnnaise Saratoga