New-York tribune., 1901-01-13
THE ENGLISH OF ENGLAND
THE MOTHER TONGUE SOMETIMES EN-
BARRASSING TO THE AMERICAN
TOURIST
From The Boston Transcript

From The Boston Transcript.
KiPlng saysZapd who is NOR ndispu' bic an aq-
have no language. and also that they delude them
selves into The belief that they talk English. II
go spend the summer on John Bulls snug little
is reality in the mutual comfort OF the mother
tongue" Let him say II he finds it any joke to
undeaStand patn Enssh or to make his crude
which makes the English OF the English puzzHng
to American ears. it is the very definite and in
code When il rains it is "a duI day isn't it?''
II m ehs 6 mic the w6e6 ssHtfs f
mist creeps over the landscape, or fine so long
as IT does not actually rain so universally patron
lied are these neat and convenient, If not always
adequate, formula that IN using using any other ex,
London landlady one scorchins July day observed
seen the stare of wellbred amazement with which
she replied irreproachably, III is close you would
But the expressions are not only un-AmercanIy
uniform-they are pretty uniformly un-American.
Ordinarily. that is all the trouble there is about 1t.
Instance when you are told ihat the yelling mob
OF public school hoys who pack the trains on the
you get momentary shock. We have the holi.
days so closely associated with frost and Christ
hASlhS that II IS nara 10 fe3Nze thal tht "ord may
be properly applied to the dog days Again. when
were fiIl ni tbere Is no cbanGe FOR nilunder,
standing So with fire assurance message hoy"
Keeper ring GUARD rlnsl; secret bed. ii[oid-
nevertheless, when first you meet them to give
your brain a turn.
Now and then, however, you encounter an ex-
preston by no means simpi, oi comprehension.
inofensiye looking English woman turned to me
and SAID, s!ity Thank you did not under
Fhnnk you. and half rose from her seat. Then
l saw that she wanted 10 pass me. TIE remark
was a request the first time, command the sec
that? Even the simple words up" and down
proved too much for when 1 found them mark
ing the platforms OF suburban station. Being
bound FOR he north selected the side placarded
Up Trains Presently a porter came to me and
A shade of melancholy crossed his face You'll
ave TO cross the line by the bridge, miss; this is
and would 10y no means take a down train. Vel.
you be going from LONDON don beant you miss re;
i did North south, east or west it's up to
and. ON another occasion l came near being
dashed 10 death hy pursuing hanson. because.
hl TO me- ''FIi.' meant Hold on there. want
to speak to yo4." so incontnently drew mp. Five
and unravelled them one by one. They We're:
nual sermon" "cubicIe' and chocolate sandwich
The sandwich ate; it was layer cake. The cubice
The annual sermon, L found inquiry did not
mean d oniy ] one sermon year. The fan bought,
when it turned ont to he rampant merry-so-
rogGd st;d 49, 49,. o,.
IN understanding what was said TO II needed
only little ingenuity and a few questions to get
ing the English understand me. however it
very dlnerent matter found them anything hut
only after repeated failures to persuade the bus
conductor to let OUT At a specific crossing
that learned to say put me down" which
worked like a charm. I asked a booking clerk for
stopoyer privileges. and he stared in amazement
| might break the journey If I liked. but what
did I mean by stop over? Return trip only
served 10 elevate eVerybody's eyebrows. | soon
learned 10 replace II with How much for the
round? Nobody understood when ! asked
how many blocks or squares 1t to the cathe-
dral But If l said can you direct the
the street. second turning TO the left. You can't
miss it. In WaTwickshire | tried to send my
too cumbersome trunk ahead by express. The
porter assured me this was impossibe-there
didn't know anything about freight 1t took the
penetration of the hotel porter TO fathon my diff
Guilty and supply the magic words. goods train
In London ! attempted TO buy pair of silver cuff
buttons 81 don't think have the article
madam" said the perpeXed clerk Sleeve buttons?'
No better. cuff buttons, sleeve links?'' Still no
success Things to fasten your cuffs With I
over his countenance 'Ah!' he exclaimed, you
mean solitaires!' and he didn't diamonds
either. Again. needing a paper fan for steamer
where fans were TO be found. and directed to
a fruiterer and florist hard by An unlikely place.
thought I. However, in | went and demanded a
fan. Certainly said the obsequious shopkeeper.
| said ''fairn' to rhyme with "bairn'' and in
their dialect is spelled fern. Only by saying
"fahn' should l get what wanted. / hastily eX-
planned and directed to the esta adjustment of
H. Quick d Son. silk MERGERS. linen drapers hab-
erdashers and upholsterers where found my artf-
Gle in the ironmongery department.
derstandings. they are not without their compensa-
ton. If conversational differences with our
cousins overseas could all b. smoothed into tame
uniformity English experiences would be robbed
OF half their spice. The little verbal sparring
matches by the way are pleasantly stimlllat,ng
For myself. found the exercise most conEenial.