The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1901-07-10
SARCASM IN SIGNS.
ADVERTISEMENTS THAT AT TIMES
BECOME A MocKERY.

nc $uuf"h'e ,nbfhb hiS' NAiO 'N'.s
man, of another. show, the other night
and, as they. had not seen each other in
seyenTyears, there was a warmness
about Their greeting that was refresh.
ing%
k"Dear old Tomp' said the leading
man:s'T was thinking of you not five
minutes:ago. Sit down, you dear old
fellowl passed bakery not FIVE min
utes ago, and / thought of you. Why
here's Willis! / was just saying to
Tom that | never see a bakers that
don't think Of him. Tom and | were
poor once! Mighty poor too. / re
member that we had been turned out
ofZdifferent homes on the same cold
night and met each other for the first
time by chance. We shared the COM
forts of butchers wagon that night
and went upon rummaging expedi-
ton the next day. We halted in front
of n German bakery, half starved and
dlsgusted with life generally. There
was n huge sign In the window which
said, There Is No Cake Like Ours We
hadn't penny between US, but Tom
stepped In and asked for sample of
the cake. The Dutchman didn't APP
preciate the humor of the request, so
Tom said, You may keep your cake,
boss; but, say, give me chunk OF
bread. quick. or I'll cut out your giz
| gard I'll never forget that cake sign
| because II took us hours to get away
| from the police who were attracted to
the scene by the bakers cries for help"
but that was not my only expert
ence with n peculiar sign" remarked
the advance agent after II hearty laugh.
'"fhe year before / went on the road
| for the first time | was In rs hard luck
as ever man was. | had pawned ev-
erything In sight and was almost starry.
| ed. | found an umbrella in the hall.
way of n down town building, and the
| janltor told me TO keep 1t. 1t was a
| fairly good rain shield, and l immedl-
| ately carried 1t to mine uncle. didn't
| know this particular relative, although
| l had formed the acquaintance Of hun
dreds of his people. His place was on
Sixth avenue, and he gave me 70 cents
on 1t, which | gladly accepted. AS he
was making out the ticket he said
DO you want to save it from the
mothsY
eyes answered.
"'That will cost you IL cents. Per
haps you would like to have 1t insuredi
1t Is always advisable but 1t will cost
you 10 cents more replied my friend.
"'All right l said. Take good cart
of it. He could have eaten 1t for all
cared, for | never intended to redeem
1t. | was about to leave the place wheI
| saw n big sign on the far wall. ]
said:
"'No extra charge for putting watch
es and jewelry in the safe In the office.
watches and jewelry! 1t brough
the tears to my eyes, and as | crawlet
into my 10 cent bed that night
thought of diamond necklaces, pearls
and rubles of priceless value and-cake
oh, the curse of some signs! How the,
mock the poor!'
They were all silent moment, bu
the ono addressed as Willis was thu
first to resume conversation, and IN
said:
'"rheres my friend, Big John Smith
Let me introduce him. Since you chaps
are talking of signs and hard luck, lie
MAO tall. uo,t-ae- tho tI.sAa--+ha t-Lhpdr T.
, .s,.,. !.as- Trsnyr 'y.U"'enS' osS-- vNU,.
House, on lower Broadway, and light
out by the shades of midnight TO get
away from hotel bill that couldn't
pay. Everything / had In the world
was locked up In that trunk. and as /
could not remove anything without ex-
citing suspicion / thought 1t best to
keep out of Jail by leaving everything
behind me. / must have walked the
streets at least week famished and
penniless. One afternoon / was pass
Ing along an up town street, hoping TO
die. when l happened to look up and
saw a sign as big as my hopes were
small. This sign read:
1--WE Are Not Daylight Robbers.
Trunks! Trunksl From the Battery
to the Harlem Bridge to Your Room
For 25 Cents
IF that sign was not the irony of
fate in my case, / do not know what
to call It."
ooh, that's small affair alongside
of my experience" said Smith. TT is
only few years ago too. l had been
unemployed for several months. and as
l had six little shavers to take care of
did not have much trouble spending the
little money | had saved. didn't seem
TO have Il friend in the wide world to
turn to, and l spent my last copper for
n paper to examine the employment col
umn. 1t was about Christmas time,
and dreaded going back home to face
the scolding landlord. l recall that |
stopped In front of the Harlem office
of newspaper to see the holiday
crowd go by. and as l did so l saw n
sign that made my blood run cold, 1t
said:
"'There Is No Reason Why You
Should Be Idle Insert Want AID.
-Four Cents n Line
1.-THE pronoun was printed In I'm
nense letters, and | had the greatest
trouble dissuadIng myself that it was
not intended for me, and me alone.
or course 1t wasn't, but that sign burn
ed into my memory, and l have
thought of 1t innumerable times since"
"Oh, pshaw" reJoined the leading
man after pause. II suppose 1t Is Inn
possible to please everybody with pub
lie signs. saw one In Buffalo once
which said; Attention. blind men.
Read this and be cured which referred
~ new treatment for the blind. All
signs cannot be expected to satisfy the
iieas OF everybody."-New York Mail
and Express.
.