davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
RAD EORM OF TETTER.

" For three years I had Tetter on my hands, which caused them to swell to twice their natural size. Part of the time the disease was in the form of run ming sores, very pain full, a nd causing me much discomfort. Four doctors said the Tetter had progressed too far to be cured, and they could do nothing for me. I took only three bottles of S. s. s. and was completely cured. This was fifteen years ago. and I have never
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Happy

 "NoU, 2en't gi misfortune an worker n all u lady. q can "Geew saif knowed I air three days, | thinned me apolis Press.
 Wis. -Teaehef-H Little Boys Teacher-Give dom.
 Little Girl He troit Free Press
 A Cor
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Manx Lines There.

Tellit-To be successful in business a man must confine himself to one line. Askit-What if he is palmist ?-Bal- timore American.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Last Treatment

Druggist.-I hear you have given old Skinner up.
 Physician-Yes; l turned the case over to a bill collector.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Wing ReDartee.

The Easy Mark-She said she had other fish to fry I wonder if she in Sinuated that 1 was a fish?
 The ette-Impossible, sters are crustaceous.-C'
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Aa The Other Fellow Saw It.

Ja3k-What reason have you TOT wanting to marry Miss Wiling! Tom-I love her.
 Jack-Pshaw. That's no reason , that's an excuse.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Blame It on the Moon.

'The moon exercises a marked infiu- ence on commerce, astronomers say"
 "Oh, yes; whenever a man walks with a girl on moonlight nights he buys her lot of caramels and other stuff"- Chicago Record.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Hoitt's School.

Hoitt's School (for boys), Menlo Park Cal. has more students, and IS m pet. toe,inS -Ianuary 7th, 1g6L Send for cat sioeue. Ira c. Hoitt fPh- D., Principal-
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

Indianapolis Press.-(W Weary Wat Hhs) They is nuttin like keeping your mout' shut to get the reputation of a wise man.
 Hungry Higgfns.) Suppose some body was offering you booze an ice cream?"
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Garfield Tea

Is a wonderful preparation composeu of herbs that act on the liver perniah- Cntly curing constipation.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
The Pickle Thermometer.

Here, young lady, I've brung back this thermometer you sold me-"
 "What's the matter with it?''
 ''It ain't reliable. One time ye look at it it says one thing, and the next time 1t says another"
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
In the Wrong Class.

"Mrs. Pheedem's boarders seem to be nearly all students who belong to the normal class
 "Yes, but she tells me that their appe- tites are abnormal.'
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Rest Man.
itt,a WSfllfeLFaua, who is h

,,,ittie Wfllie-FaUa, who is he pest man at a wedding?
 Mir. Hennypeck-The best man IS the chap who sees the other fellow get the worst of it, my son.-Smart Set.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

Chicago Record.-"Why do you go back to the tailor who cheated you?' 'Why, I don't think he'd have the nerve to cheat me again.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

Piso's Cure is the best medicine we ever used for all affections of the throat and lungs.-Wm. O. Endsley' Vanburen, Ind, Feb. 10. 1900.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Favorable Chances.

Rudolph-If should ask old Bullions for his daughters hand what do you think of my chances? health and a good constitution and should pull through with careful nurs- ing-Puck.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
rhe Best Prescription for Malaria.

Chills and fever is bottle of Groves taste less Chil Tonic It is simply iron and qulhlhe in a tssteless form. No cure-no pay, Price DOC
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Stnns the Cough

and Works off the Cold. Laxative Bromo- Quinine Tablets cure cold inone day. No cure, No pay. Price 25 cents
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

Mothers will find Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup the best remedy to use for their children during the teethine period.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
lust Her IGea.

Wiggles They say that a man and his wife grow to look like each other after they have lived together for a long time.
 Mrs. Wiggles-Do they? That's lucky for the men, now. isn't -Somerville Journal
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Dais1fy Appetite

Easily satisfied, a feeling of distress after eating, and more or less nausea between meals, every day-DYSPEP- SIA!
 No need to say anything about the belching. vomiting, fiatulence headache pain in the stomach.
 Dyspepsia cannot be cured except by what gives vigCr and tone to thestom- ach, functional activity to the who,e digestive system. The medicine that does this, according to the results of it's use in thousands of completely cured cases, is
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

The alacrity with which Harvard students are marrying chorus g'rls arouses an apprehension that there - ont be enough to go around.-San = Ira rancisco Post.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

Intervals in an Exciting Life. ''Ma, when I get big I'm goin' way off to be pirate
 Are you, Bobby?'
 ''Yes, but don't you be scared; I'll come home at night to Chicago Record
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Whats in a Nam !?

Mrs. Waggles-Do you know why this is called golf hat?
 Waggles-Yes, my dear. It Is be- cause people who play golf don't wear them.-Judge.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

v TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY.
 ,ake Laxative Promo Quinine Tablets Al Sueeists refund the money if it fails to cure W. Groves signature IS on each box. 20c
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Reconsidered

RecOns sidered. He-You need not fear. I shall do nothing desperate just because you have refused me.
 'Then, darling, I repent. It was only the thought that you might do some thing romantic that made me refuse you."-Life.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TAKING
 When you take Groves Tasteless Chill Tonic because the formula is plainly printed on every bottle showing that is is simply Iron and Qui- nine in g tasteless form. No. Cure. No pay. 5Oc.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
 OF THE PRESS.

Odd, Curious and Laughab1e Phases of Human Nature Graphically Por- traycd by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day-A Budget of Fun.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
In Garfield Tea

We have a combination of simple HERBS that has given the world it's greatest blood purifier.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
lust Like other Men.

She-Which would you rather marry the prettiest woman in the world or the homeliest?
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
His Views.

Jack Bachelor (engaged)-Of course, I realize that matrimony is a very i'm portant step, and all that!
 Ned Newlywed (hoarsely)-Step Great Scott, man. It's a whole flight of steps and something to fall over on every stepI-Puck.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

To believe that task is impossibl. is to make it so.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
fnck To His Role.

said the actor. wno enlisted a; the arniy, when asked to lead a night attack. No. cannot do It. m a matinee hero.'
 rThe traditions of the stage must De observed with rigorous exactitude.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
An Adfunct to Tears.

Perhaps you can direct me-" she said, with pompous condescension, to the 6oorwalker. i've a crying need for'-
 "Yes'm," interrupted the f1oorwalker Tn his quick. nervous way. Hank chief Apartment. if counter, nex' aisle" e."-Philadelphia Press.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Jealous Beauties.

Rob-What does that mean? Both of those pretty girls cut you dead just
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
No Limit.

"I understand that you are a distan relative of the wealthy Goldmans."
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

She-Merely to find out if you weren't just like all the other men.-Detroit Free Press.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

He-Philosophy, my dear madam, is something it takes all ones life to ac- quire.
 She-What, then, is the use in acquir- Ing it?
 1.-The supreme satisfaction of know Ing that ones whole life has been a mistake" Life.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
Cir,um,tances A ter Cus.,.

She-I like him because he's so ex- travagant.
 Her Aunt-That isn't the best possi ble quality in husband.
 She-Of course not! I'm not going to marry him!-Puck.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

As the salt savors the brethEso does labor give relish to pleasureo.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
H0od's Sarsapas-iIIa

Hoods Pills cure liver ills; the non-irritating only cathartic to take with Hoods sarsaparilla
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05
How distant?"

"As distant as they can keep me- Philadelphia Record.
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

He-The prettiest, of course. Why do
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

Roy-Alas! yes. l made stupid mistake. I told Lily she was as sweet as a rose, and Rose that she made n1c think of a lily.-Philadelphia Buletin-
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

as and o-date, Sable3 potent naftic. Druggists
Holbrook argus., 1901-01-05

 fN@UAi
 M.
 every
 an en. h
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
Collin the Old Days.

Centuries back golf was a pastime of
the royal family. though then usually
played in Scotland. The Stuart family
was very fond of the game. and the
first English club was established at
Blackheath in 160S by James l. His
eldest son. Henry, frequently played
and on one occasion nearly struck by
accident his tutor with a club, where
upon he coolly remarked. Had done
so 1 had but paid my debts" Charles
1 was playing golf when he received
the news of the Irish rebellion. James,
duke of York. afterward James ii, was
another ardent player. Golf is fire.
quently mentioned I'm ancient Scottish
records and i'm the fifteenth century
was prohibited because it interfered
with the practice of archery. Strut
considered it the most ancient game at
ball requiring a bat.-London ChFon-
icle.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
Showing the Queer.

The game of counterfeiting i'm this
country is played by people of all ma
tionalities. and. although some women
and children are used as tools, men
take the principal parts. After having
made the coin the great problem is how
TO convert it into good money. The
maker rarely takes part in that opera
ton. 1t is the business of gangs, which
consist usually OF two persons. known
as the holder" and the shower"
The holder carries IA stock of the
counterfeit money. and the shower has
one piece. This he takes to Il store or a
saloon and buys something for a small
amount. and when he comes into the
street the holder sees him from his po-
sition block away, joins him. receives
the good money and hands him another
counterfeit.
The object is to work So that the
shower. if detected, may plead inno-
cence and prove that the piece is the
only one that he has and that he has no
other money. Some clever operators
go So far as to mix good coin with the
bad.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
po.inE ms n Model.

A curious feature of models occlf,
patton is her posing for an artist who
is painting some one else. Wealthy
people are capricious and often do not
care to give long sittings- Therefore.
after the artist las caught the express
sion of the face, he will call in model
to- pose for the figure. Some models
do not care TO do this. as part of their
enjoyment of their occupation consists
in seeing themselves reproduced ON
canvas. but there are others who are
quite willing to help I'll out.
Various models have various points
of excellence, and often painter will
employ at different stages in the prog
ress of his work from three To four
models for one figure on his canvas
One model is known for her coloring,
another for her hands. another for her
hair. An artist generally notes in his
address book the characteristics of
model after her name. These quota
tions are taken at random from an
artists address book: Fine young
Jewess," English. tall and slim. blond,
costume" Good back" Good figure,
short legs, ivory tone."-Cosmopolitan
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
The squirrel hunter. weapon.

The cream OF squirrel hunting is eI-
joyed by the man who uses light rifle
of small caliber and medium power.
The ''.22 long" as now turned out by
our leading makers is an excellent
weapon-in fact, the best in the world
for the purpose. Though not OF suffi-
cient range to be dangerous to people
or stock at n distance. IL throws lead
with surprising accuracy to the tops of
the tallest trees. Good rifle shots al
ways aim for the squirrels head both
TO add to the difficulty OF the sport and
to avoid spelling meat And be IL
known that a squirrels head at n range
OF 40 or 80 yards is no easy mark If
a reader doubts this. let him go TO the
woods for day. keep all empty shells,
and at the end of the day let him try
to make the dead squirrels and the
empty shells tally.-E. w. Sandys in
Outing.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
To G,ur. His VIC. Temner

81 heard about peculiar ease of hem
pecked husband recently" said n young
woman the other day.
what was it?' her friendiinquired.
There is man who has: some diff
Guilty in gauging his wife's temper. At
times she is considerate Of his welfare
and at other times-well, he rather
thinks that married life is aGailure
HE has n peculiar manner of finding
out the state OF his wifes feeling to-
ward him. In the evening when he re-
turns home from work he never steps
into the house without going through a
sort Of ceremony. First he throws his
hat in the house, and then lie seats
himself OH the steps and waits. IL five
minutes pass without the hat being
thrown out again. he enters and gCmer-
ally finds his wife very agreeable.
However. IL the hat is thrown, out
again the unfortunate man seeksi hos
pitality for the night somewhere else
rather than brave the anger OF his help
meet."-Clevelagd Leader.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
MeSsages of sympathy for ToI.toi.

Moscow. July ON e>sages of sym
patty are pouring in on Count TolStoi
i'm n perfect deluge. The local post
office at YaSuaia POliana i almost
overwhelmed with the extra service.
Since the counts illness 80 letters and
1T3 kilograms have been received ut
his castle and $50 visitors have been
registered. One of the inquiries that
touched the counts family most came
from Kwaia Bahdur. the celebrated
Hhdoo philosopher. who wired that
many HmdouS. admirers of TOlStOi's
works, were watching the news from
his bedside with anxiety and sym
pathv
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
BLUNDERs IN FICTION.
The Queer Mistakes That Are Some
times Made by Authors.


times Made by Authors.
We smile as we read and pass swiftly
by the stories of maidens that wander
in lonely woods" at unearthly hours
of night, always clad in "a soft, white
cIinging gown" Now. every girl knows
that the average maiden is too much
afraid of tramps and snakes to wander
in lonely woods" The weather, too,
appears TO perplex our nOvelists, for
not infrequently they begin n chap
ter at dawn. there are n few mo-
ments' conversation, and then the sun
sets in lUrid banks behind the distant
empurpled mountains"
/ am reminded at the outset of an
English story written by an author OF
repute where the heroine in one scene
was made on one page to stoOp down
and tie her shoestring. while three
pages farther on. directly following, it
was said of the same girl that she had
remained barefooted the entire day. In
another story a blind woman is made
to view the hero through spectacles be-
fore the tale is ended.
In Il French novel-and we generally
consider French such literary masters
"a heroine is clearly made to go direct
from her bed TO the breakfast table,
out shopping, to an afternoon tea and
TO dinner in her robe de mutt! Cousins
suddenly transformed into brothers
without n moments warning are nu-
merous in this detectives library. Thus
one is amused TO find the most mar
velous mistakes in books which we
think we have carefully read.-Modern
Culture
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
A VERY CURIOUS BIRD.
The One Young Mark Twain Sprung
Upon the Scientists.


Mark Twain's father was an ornfthol-
ogist. He had several friends who
Were also enthusiasts ON the subject of
birds. Whenever any one of them dis
covered a rara avis it was the custom
to have consultation. Mark had been
a witness of several of these bird in
quests and had noted the delight the
old men took in discussing Il new
found specimen. one day it occurred
to him TO provide the Hannibal orni-
biologists with real circus in the
form of a bird. lie killed IL crow and
also barnyard rooster. Plucking out
the tail feathers of both the crow and
the rooster, he substituted the ROSTERS
tail feathers for those of the crow. pro-
ducing a unique effect. When he had
the specimen nicely prepared, he went
TO his fG,LCr and, handing it to him,
said:
Here, father. is Il very curious bird
l shot. l thought you would be inter
ested in it,"
The old gentleman gazed upon the
specimen with establishment. That
evening the OrnitholOgists of Hannibal
were assembled in Mr.. Clemens par
Tor. The rare specimen was put before
them. The discussion was long and
learned. The opinions expressed We're
various. One thought the bird was an
ofTshoot of the bird of paradise fam
lily; others had equally ridiculous no.
lions as to its ancestry. But there was
one who refused to be swerved by the
popularity of the birds tail from the
judgment that it was of the crow fam
lily.
why, just look here" he said, lift
ing the bird 10y its tail feathers. He
got no further. The feathers came
out. There was a quick closing of a
door. Mr.. Clemens started to leave
the room.
Gentlemen" he said, please excuse
me n few moments. will see Samuel
first and explain later"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
An Approach to REORGANIZATION.

\ clock is to be seen at Brussels
which comes about as near being n
perpetual motion machine as can be
invented. for the sun does the winding.
The following is the method by which
il works: \ shaft exposed to the solar
rays causes an up draft of air. which
sets the fan in motion. The fan actu-
ates mechanism which raises the
weight of the clock until it reaches the
top and then puts a break on the fan
till the weight has gone down little,
when the fan is again liberated and
proceeds 10 act as before. As long AS
the sun shines frequently enough and
the machinery does not wear out the
clock will keep in perpetual motion.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
SIGNALING TO MARS.
The DimcuIty of Doing So by Means
of Light.


of Light.
The very largest city that this earth
has ever known would be altogether
too small to be visible to being
dwelling on the planet Mars, even il
that being We're endeavoring to see it
with n telescope as powerful as the
greatest and most perfect instrument
in any observatory on this globe.
If the whole extent of Lake Superior
was covered with petroleum and if that
petroleum was set on fire, then. think,
we may admit that an inhabitant OF
Mars who was furnished with a tele-
scope as good as that which Percival
Lowell uses at Flagstaff might be able
to see that something had happened.
But we must not suppose that the
mighty confia grafton would appear TO
the Marian as a very conspicuous OBJ
ject. 1t would, rather. be a very small
feature. but still / think it would not
be beyond the reach of a practiced OBJ
server in that planet.
On the other hand, if an area the size
of Lake Superior on Mars was to be
flooded with petroleum and that petrO-
leum was to be kindled, we should eX
pect to witness the event from here not
as n great and striking confa gra ton,
but as n tiny little point OF just dis
cernible light. The disk of Mars is
not n large object. and the conhagra-
ton would not extend over the three
hundredth part of that disk.
1t is sufficient TO state these facts to
show that the possibility of signaling
to Mars is entirely beyond the power OF
human resources Robert 6 Rail
in Independent.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22

Down from the upper air floated the
strains of music. yet Neptune was WISH
bly, annoEed.ts-ss9.
What's gnawing at thy vitals. sire?"
asked a mermaid.
Il wish i'm the name of Orpheus."
said the sea king. that boating parties
could sing something else besides a
Life on the Ocean Wave"
And forthwith he crawled into n
cave and pulled the cave in after him.
New York Marine Journal.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
Storm Aner Hot srem.

Marquette. Mich. July 22.-Begin-
ming mt Is y. IN. Saturday. at the con-
,Iu>ion of several hours of 1OO-degree
weather. the fireccSt wind storm eX-
perienced i'm fifteen years ragged for
twenty minutes. Great damage was
done. signs. awnings. ChimnPys aud
roofs suffering all over the city. The
greatest damage was worked al the
new Fropbel school. where the false
front of brick and the roof were blown
over breaking the rafterS and other
fiOohprS
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
VnInnhIe strike of RInck piamond..

Harrisburg. Ills. July pa valu-
able strike i'm coal has been made at
the shaft of the New Clifton Coal COM
pany. south of this city \ seven
foot vein was reached a few days ago
at 4 depth of lob feet, and prepare
tionS were being made to begin hoist
ing coal \ blast was placed in to
sink the usual hole into which To drain
the water and set the pump. when an
other vein of coal even thicker and of
a better quality. was discovered six
feet below the other.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
Curing n MuIe.

A mule i'm pack train which was
usually loaded with salt discovered
that by lying down when fOrdinS
certain stream and allowing the salt
to dissolve he could tighten his burden.
The muleteer once loaded him with
sponges instead, which absorbed water
when he lay down in the stream and
made his burden fourfold heavier. The
mule was cured of his smartness.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
nnPonti.o. Ill.,. Man.

Rochester. y. y, July 22.-A man
arrested Friday for the robbery of En-
incline Perkins house OF valuable jew
elry, aud who gave the name of
George Pierce has been identified as
Wallace GaIbreath. of Pontiac. Ills.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
Aarnutrre. of Fort cities.

The revenue New York derives from
the rental OF piers TO the Cunard, the
White Star, the American, the Atlantic
Transport. the French, the Leyland
the National and other lines is nearly
100000 annually. The White Star
line pays the largest rental. $4,000;
the Cunard line is next with $4,000
and the American line third with $685.
4o0.-Ainslee's. ss.-..-s-x zs = .Ises,
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
Local Markots,

Corn-45c.
HSy-Ti@oshy, us0Sl4; prairie, soOsr.
Straw-e6.
Coal-e3 ger ton
PotatoeS-50o.
New potstoes-75c.
lsc.
Eggs-i0c.
Hens-6ISc per pound
Spring ChicKens-sSoo per dozen.
Turkeys-7cQSc.
CaLVte-BuLcners pay for corn fed ste srS
AZ cn5Iic; COWS and heifers, SKc84c; calves
4c6t5c.
Sbeep-4xcl5c.
Spring Lsmbs-ts. SO1s4 head.
Hoga-s5.S00e5 IS,
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
PInyInE 1t Down Low.

Il haven't much use for Blithersley,"
said the proud papa.
'Why?' asked the proud mamma.
81 listened TO him for an hour today
while he told me about what his baby
had said or tried to say, and just as
was about to tell him about ours he
left me. saying he had TO catch a train"
Baltimore American.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
Eire had 10 Burn I,seIr ont.

Minneapolis. Mimi, July 22.-The
town Of Ricevillc. with population of
S0o 10 loo. WAS practically wiped ont
Ivy fire Saturday involving loss eSti-
mated at S20O.OO0. The fire WAS soon
beyond control. aS there was no water
with which To fight it. and ii had to
burn itself ont.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-07-22
Earlw RIrda.

The green finch is the earliest riser.
1t pipes as early as half past l in the
morning. The blackcap begins at half
past . 1t is nearly 4 O'Clock before
the blackbird appears. 1t is heard half
an hour before the thrush, and the
chirp of the robin begins about the
same length of tine before that of the
wren. The house sparrow and the TOM
tit take the last stage of the list.