davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20
The Modern Fable of the Misff Who LOST
His Ticket Because lie Got the Wronq Hold.

giving him the GiggIe and saying he
was the wooziest ever If they met
him later in the Evening, each one
gave him some Cutting Remark about
having a Nice Time. If they had been
Men he could have Come Back in
grand style, but when any little blue
eyed Elsie ran up and jabbed a Har-
pooh into his quivering Bosom he sim
ply groaned and turned his Face to the
Wall.
What made it so Bitter for Homer
was that in his Heart of Hearts he
wanted to be a Butterfly. Frequently
he would say, Some Boys can Fly and
why can't I?''
At many an Evening Party he would
conceal himself behind the Bass Viol
and watch the frivolous CaperS of the
Charley Freshes and wonder how they
did it. He would listen to the merry
Babble and wish that he could butt in
and Talk all Evening without having
anything to Say. Sometimes he would
overhear the Conversation that was
causing all the Girls to double up and
have Duck Fits. Then the Cold Sweat
would gather in large Beads on his
Forehead. The Talk was a Cross be-
tween the innocent Prattle of Child
hood and the maniacaI Maunderings
of the Incurable Ward at Blooming
dale.
oh" thought Homer, IF only I
could mislay my Mind some evening
and get out and deal that kind of pink
Persihage, l would be as Popular as
any of these Willing Performers"
Homer fell in Love at long range
with Girl named Lucy Livingstone.
Lucy was a Prize Pansy who never
passed in Algebra. but She was a talker
from ConversationviHe. Homer never
told his Love, but let Concealment,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

~, as the first step toward further
building up its voting strength.
We have not only found a strong dis
position on the part of Democrats who
were formerly divided over the cur
reDcy question to get together upon
living political issues, but we have
found it possible to frame a platform
and programme upon which they could
all stand.
We have sufficiently emphasized II
~ regularity and continuity by decfdr-
ing our confidence in tine essential
principles of Democracy as enuncipted
by the last national convention" while
we have RETAINED from reaffirming
plank by plank, verbatim ct literatim
the last platform.
This has seemed to us a fair and
common sense method of avoiding un-
necessary differences over a question
which, from all present indications,
seems rather of the past than of the
future
This is a case where the letter kill
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20
The Massachusetts, Platform.

nor conceding anything, and X this
TACT is understood. as it should be. by
democrats outside of the state, there
viii be no ground for disappointment
When the returns come in
The intcSest OF the present campaign
in Massachusetts is, therefore. chiefly
within the lines of the Democratic
party; If il has any other bearing it
must be in the future rather than in
the present
But at a time of political transition.
WREN the first elections subsequent to
the presidential campaign of last year
are to be held. a certain degree of sig
nibcance attaches to party action in
such states as hold elections this Year
The interest in the late Democratic
state convention md in the present
campaign in Massachusetts lies in this,
that we have made a hopeful begin
ming at least, perhaps a more encour-
aging one than has yet been made else
where, IN the process of haTmOniZing
and consolidating the Democratic par
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

pocketbOok. or a muscular Amazon, or
"A giddy butterfly. but who is never. by
any possible chance. the least bit like
the genuine American girl.
Nov, no other girl in the world has
ever been so much discussed as the
American girl. She has piqued the Gu
riOsity of the world.
She IL universally admitted TO be the
heddliner attraction in the grea test
show on earth, and foreigners are al
ways willing to pay the price of ad-
mission TO take n look at her. Then
they go away and write their impress
siOns of her.
If the first American girl they met
had auburn locks they announce that
all American girls are red-headed.
II she conversed in tones that sound
ed like a megaphone. they declare that
all American girls have strident voices.
If she happens to hail from Boston
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20
By Josiah Quincy, Democratic Candidate for Governor

eth, but the spirit giveth away. we
STICK to the spirit and purpose of De-
mocracy, as last authoritatively de-
clared, but we claim the right to en-
bcdy this in such form as may COW
seem best adapted to promote the
spread of essential and fundamental
Democratic principles.
That the spirit of the Democratic
party must remain radical one /
have fully recognized myself and
have not encouraged any decisions on
that score. The party cannot by any
possibility go back to the attitude
which it occupied ten years ago; if 1t
did ii would lose a large proportion of
its adherents, who would be absCl-bed
in some more radical political move
ment. The new spirit has, it seems
TO me, come to stay. if not to control.
The ground taken by the Democratic
party in sachusetts this year is
distinctly an advanced one. We have
declared in favor of meeting the COM
munism of capital by state control; of
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

chosen by the most democratic people
under the British flag TO represent
them, in a land where the franchise is
universal every man and woman of
age having a vote, and where the Ma
Oris also from their own territories
send their delegates to parliament"
have been in New Zealand and can
indorse all that is said by the writer
of this letter.
The two greatest, truest and best
governed democracies in the world are
New Zealand and the little Island of
Jersey.
The party that is now in power in
New Zealand is what would be termed
in Great Britain an extreme radical
party. the conservatives, who represent
capital and the large landed interests,
being in opposition.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

But these men who, in New Zealand,
lead the democracy are not like the
dema gogues of the old world. not like
the English and Austrian labor candi-
dates, but are men solid. OF good posi-
ton, of the highest ability, of high
character and integrity, of broad
views, striving for the good of the
commonwealth, men who in Great
Britain or America would probably at
tain to the highest ranks in political
life, not faddists or adventures but
men to whom one felt it was no dan
gerous thing to entrust the control of
the affairs of a great colony, and al
ways imDerialist to a man when il
comes to a question of the empires
larger interests.
Yet all this is probably due to the
fact that New Zealand is mostly in
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20
By George Ade

Action, his Ammunition was always
wet And even when he Fired, he never
got the Range. He would Loop a few
Loops and dodge into a Cigar Store.
What made him so Sore was that
some Handsome Harry with Naseline
on his Hair and net more than two
Ounces of Cerebellum could saunter up
to the Hearts Idol and tap her on the
Back and call her Luce And what
was ten times worse, she seemed to
Like il. He saw himself done up forty
ways from the Jack by many a He
Pelican who could not command IS a
week in the Open Market.
When he met her, he addressed her
as Miss Livingstone. The other Fellow
her.
Whenever a rival blocked him off,
Homer stood around on one Foot for
q while, waiting for an Opening and
then he did a soft-shoe Sneak and
swore he would Forget her.
He told himself that he was a Chump
for continuing to Worship one who
could be paved over and man-handled
by anything that wore a Derby Hat.
But II. Splivens was Hard Hit. The
more he tried to Sponge her Likeness
from the Blackboard of his Memory
the oftener he thought of her. He
yearned to monopolize the Affection
which seemed to be On Tap for any one
who cared to step up and turn the
Spigot.
He told himself that Faint Heart
never won out Fair Lady From all
he could gather. the Society Tid-Bit
preferred the 'Gally Boy to the one who
sat on the other side of the Room and
talked about the New Books.
Mr.. Splivens decided to turn over
New Leaf. He saw that his only
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

Lucy, looking very Cute and Coquet-
fish and hemmed in by the usual Gang
OF Third-Raters- Mr.. Splivens was
about to Buck the Line and make a
hard Tackle, but he suddenly realized
that he was not in Condition. What
he needed was d little Dutch Courage.
Accordingly he slipped out and slowed
away five Santiago Sours. so-caIled be-
cause they leave You wrecked on the
Beach. He came back a trifie Souiffv
and all Set. Homer was ready TO be
as Friendly and Familiar as any Girl
could possibly wish. He laid Hands
on the surprised Lucy and led her to
the dim Conservatory.
This is where my Stock takes a
Leap Of twenty Points," he said to
himself, as he led her to Rustic Bench
beneath a Lemon Tree.
He fixed Burning Gaze on her and
carelessly wrapped an Arm about her
supple Waist.
"Old Girl. you are all right" he said.
With a piercing Shrek, she hurled
him among the Cacti and declared that
she had been Insulted
Why do you discriminate against
me?' he asked. in a hurt Tone
I always supposed YOU were a Gen
tleman," she said. fEsezingly.
I have been up to date and probably
that is why my Work is so Coarse, -
he replied. Was I too SUDDEN
wretch she exclaimed, and swept
back into the Ball Room.
For three Days after that her Bro
Their was looking for Mr.. Splivens with
a Gun
MORAL-It has to be done in just
certain Way.
Copyright. 1901. by Robert Howard Rus
seli.)
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

they inform their credUlous country
men that in America all young females
are blue stockings and spout Plato in
the cradle.
Sometimes they praise her. Some
times they blame her, but they never
understand her.
They mistake her love for pretty
things for desire for display in dress.
They think her independence bra
vado, and her self-confidence bravery.
when, in reality, most of an American
girls virtues and all of her faults
spring from ignorance.
There is no other sang froid equal
to that Of perfect innocence. The
American girl is not shocked by many
things that shock her convent-bred
French sister, simply because she does
not see them.
She isn't on the outlook for ogling
eyes and insulting glances from the
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

men she passes on the street, and the
German officer. the French boulevar-
der and the Italian gallant find that
they are wasting their killing looks
upon her.
She doesn't meet their advances with
a cold air of offended dignity or out
ragged maidenhood. She simply over
looks them as something that does not
exist.
This would be admirable art-if it
were art-and the foreign critic. OBJ
serving il, always cries out: Deep,
sir, deep, and devilish sly" when the
truth is that it has all been the sim
plicity of utter Inconsistencies on the
girls part.
She is used to men and their admiral
ton. and doesn't go off her head at
the intimation that something in trous-
ers thinks her charming.
Ever since she put on long frocks
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

the public ownership of public utili-
ties; of large rights of home rule for
cities; of the referendum upon legis-
= tive measures whenever petitioned
tor by per cent of the voters; of a
single primary election for all parties;
of the direct nomination. without po-
litical conventions. of all candidates
voted for in districts: of progressive
labor legislation: finally of a consti-
tutional convention. for the considera-
ton of these and other reforms.
In federal affairs we have declared
that the imperialistic spirit must be
opposed both at home and abroad; that
the people of the Philippines should be
prepared for speedy self government
and for early independence under
American protection; for freer trade
with other nations and for genuine
reciprocity as a step toward it; for the
regulation and control of trusts by
federal authority; for the abolition OF
tariff duties which protect oppressive
trusts; for uniformity of railroad rates,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

Up there the stomach is the question.
and the stomach has much to do with
the marriage question in many places
besides the klondike.
In higher civilization like that of the
United States a sound man mentally
and physically can earn plenty TO mar
~ on. all the way from 81 a day to
$1,O00,000 year.
The Rockefellers. for example, pay
little attention to the sentimental side
of life.
Sentiment with them is a dead issue
That type of men understand that
marriage is A desirable thing, that a
man who takes wife is more likely
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

based on the carload lot as a unit, and
in opposition to granting eXorbitant
shipping subsidies to favor a few in
terestS.
We believe that both those who were
active Democrats before 1895, and those
who became Democrats in that year.
ought to be able to unite in effective
cooperation upon such a general basis,
which endeavors to avoid both ex-
IRENE and unscientific radicalism on
the one hand and timid conservatism
upon the other.
Those who are attracted. whether by
their interests or by their convictions.
to the side Of Imperialism and capital
ism, which are now so closely linked
together, must find attractions in the
Republican party with which it is use
less, to put it upon no higher ground.
for the Democratic party to try to
compete.
On the other hand, it is not neces-
sary for the Democratic party, in or
der to make a real and effective op-
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

itand hardships. but if the man has
stamina-and stamina comes ciiienv
from sound stOmach-he surri1ounts
ms troubles and wins success.
There may be lots of ups and downs.
as the Americans say hut succas,
comes TO the man with a good body
and brain and a healthy, sensible wom
an for a helpmate.
Culture is well enough in it's way
out unless it be scientific i, is not of
marriage question.
Aesthetic culture is of little service,
TO a man or woman in digging fnr
gold in the Klondike
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20
BIZ Ambrose BierCe.

The king of Novagonia, being desir-
Gus of a mighty navy, sent for a dis
tinguished foreigner to advise him.
The first thing to be DONE" said the
distinguished foreigner, sis to organize
a bureau of navigation"
What" exclaimed the king. before
We have anything to navigator"
Your majesty is a favorite in heav-
en- and the hope of the world" was
the reply. but worm of the dust as
l am. l must say that the royal CON-
prehensiOn of purposes is imperfect and
the royal faith in established but I'M
familiar methods distinctly faulty"
So the bureau of navigation was set
up, and began at once to attest the
worth of its personnel by viiifving
everybody else. and this il continued 10
do while there remained in all the land
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20
Fables of the Deep BIue Sea,

anger. See here" he Numbered. I'VE
can't have this kind of thing, When
saw those squadrons fighting 1 felt
that trouble would come of il. A sea
fight is pretty to look at. and the music
Of guns lulls like the evensong of a
mermaid in the cleaning. but always
the entertainment is prelude TO a saw
age and insupportable uproar among
The victors. The next time you see
sailors fighting at sea, please prevent
a disagreeable result by having them
all blown to smithereens."
-
An admiral who had won great vic
tor of the coast of Madagascar while
absent from the battle, was Boosting
OF the exploit
Il don't think it very remarkable
feat" said one OF the audience, con
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20
wten 0c the Nscnesl at the cOgr of oqnrg at Ssgdsd

reputation indebted And the entire
country rang with the scandal of it.
One day the Head of the Bureau was
surprised and panied by a visit from
the King.
Il implore Your Majesty's mercy.'
cried the officer, prostrating himself
at the royal feet. Spare my life and
| will at once disband the Bureau Of
Navigation
No" said the King. Il should be
sorry 10 have a navy irregularly con-
stituted. But my good name is to me
sweeter than honey and more pre-
cious than pearls. l have come to So
heit place in the Bureau"
Having found the enemy's fleet in
harbor, the Scourge of the Seas sank
collier in the narrow entrance. and
then from his cavernous helmet his
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

to Pop in a Public Place.
His Parents had spent $500 on him
81 that he might know how to enter a
ISall-Roon- at the age of Is he could
not Enter without walking on several
Ladies.
Among the Town Boys he was re-
sarded as a hot Patsy. but the Girls
looked upon him as a fair-haired RolIo
who was too Simple and Bashful to be
real Interesting. At a Stag Party he
was James Dandy, but when he
found himself in his Merry Make Up
and surrounded by the Elite he sim
mered down and became a mere Chair
Warmer and Coffee Cooler.
Homer was what the Horsemen call
Bad Actor. In the early morning
Practice he could do a Quarter in 20.
but when he had to Pace with a Bunch
IAN into the Fence.
When he was among the Fellows he
opened up like a Morning Glory He
told stories and said Sarcastic Things
about Married People he knew and
made up Verses. TIE Young Men
would repeat these Bright Observa-
lions TO the Girls an tell them how
witty and entertaining old SpIivey was.
30 the next time f.omer showed W.
the vivacious little Kittens would form
a Semi-Ctrcle in front Of him and say
oh. Mr. Splivens. do tell us a story
or else make one of youv killing
JOKES. Then Homer would hush up
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

position to Republican policies. to al
low itself to be placed in the attitude
of opposing capital as such, or of sup
porting specific proposals which are
not both sound and practicable. 1t is
the abuse Of the power of concentrated
capital, not its legitimate employment
which the Democratic party should
StrengOuSly resist.
If it confines itself to proposals
whose economic sOVndness and legis-
lative feasibility is indOrsed By high
expert authority. it will still have a
programme to carry out OF sufficient
difficulty and fun Of genuine signifi-
canoe.
In the face of the present tendency
toward absOlutism and arbitrary rule
We reaffirm the principles of our faith
ers; in the face Of an unparalleled con-
centratiOn of capital We reaffirm the
supremacy of the state
These closing words of the platform
of the Massachusetts Democracy suffi-
GENTLY indicate its spirit.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

marriage. I am Of the belief that
should be made compulsory by the
state 10 bar all who are not perfectly
healthy from marriage.
It is a crime for man who is not
of sound body to marry a woman and
to bring into the world offspring who
are of necessity dwarfed in intellect and
physique. 1t is a crime against society
and against nature.
II. on the other hand, a man is men,
tally and physically strong, the ques-
ton OF money is of little consequence.
Whether he has a dollar or ten thou
sand. has little bearing on his success
or failure There may be many trials
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20
The New DemOcraCu.

IN A letter written by one of the
followers Of the Duke of Corn
wall and York on their great CO.
lonial tour. find the following re-
marks o. New Zealand:
Here in New Zealand we have the
most democratic Of all civilized commu-
mites. What 30 US in Great Britain
would seem the widest soeiaIistic doc
trines are carried into practice. and vet
one finds in New Zealand above ali
countries a strong imperialist senti-
ment. a universal and warm patriotism
and loyalty to the British throne
There Is no foolish talk here of the
dangers of militarism, the abolition Of
war and the brotherhoods of nations.
There are even no pro-B0ers.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

to become q fixture in society-a set
tied institution. It helped them in their
ambitions TO achieve wealth.
Sci ntists in considering the marriage
question say. follow sympathy" If
man is absolutely healthy. then
say let him follow his sympathy, but
otherwise not PsychologicalIy the sym
pathies are no guide to marriage.
If marriage is badly managed it is
an absolute handicap, and the fault
lies with the man and not the woman.
II marriage is well managed it is a
great help.
An ili-chosen wife is a milestone
around a mans neck.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20
By Dorothy Dix

worth while to call attention right here
to the one characteristic that is the
salient difference between the Ameri-
can girl and all other girls.
No other people, perhaps. are as SEN
sitive to female beauty as we are 1t
is the custom for rich fathers to in
dulge their aesthetic taste, as well as
their affection. by adjoining their pretty
young daughters with all the luxury OF
the toilette that money can buy, and it
cannot be denied that Solomon in all
his glory WOULD look like 30 cents be-
side an American millionairess-
But let the father drop his millions in
Wall street. and the petted, adored, in
dulged daughter doesn't HE herself to
a nunnery or sit down and bewail her
fate.
She rolls I'D her sleeves and hustles
out and gets work and supports her
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

population of the colony of Victoria is
gathered in Melbourne
These cities have a population of
about 800, 600 inhabitants. half of which
could be spared with advantage, es-
pecially if they could make up their
minds to go and settle in the bush.
Apparently the ideal of the demo-
cratic leaders of New South Wales
and Victoria is that the workingman
should. at the expense of the country
interests. do a minimum of work for
maximum of pay within easy reach of
the city diSsipations.
But in New Zealand the democratic
government pursues an altogether diff
ferent policy.
1t opposes Capitalization, and it's aim
is to prevent the concentration of peo-
pie in the large towns.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20

habited by the wisest and the most es-
sentially and truly democratic people
on earth, the Scotch.
1t must be remembered that the soci-
alistic policy of Mr.. Seldom, the pre-
mier, and his colleagues is not like
that of the democratic Australian gov
ernments, and you will understand
why New Zealand rightly refused to
enter the newly founded Australian
commonwealth.
In New South Wales, and also in
Victoria. the government panders to
the mob. Its policy tends to concen-
trate the population in the great CT
ties. with manifold evil results.
Half the population of the whole Of
New South Wales is TO be found in
Sydney, and more than half of the
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-10-20
Whom TO Marry and When.

He must have self-reliance.
he must have the courage. which is
only born OF sound bod. TO under
take the marriage contract.
Should a dwarf or a person with an
undevelOped brain marry a strong girl
both physically and mentally. her
blood would aneIiorate the condition
Of the OFFSPRING such a couple might
bring into the world. but in a case of
this nature there is a poor lookout for
the wife and mother.
IT man does not possess a healthy
body and mind. he should abstain from