davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
The Away-from-Home Girl,

write your home letters regularly
and keep in touch with your parents
and old friends by weekly correspond
ence," writes Margaret E. Sangster, in
the Ladies' Home Journal, addressing
girls who have gone from home into
the world to seek their livelihood.
Never let a Sunday afternoon drift
out without your hour spent in an init
mate and loving letter to the dear
mother. This is a good occupation for
Sunday, and can hardly tell you how
minute and confidential and affection
ate this writing should be. But there
Is no need. You know what you like to
hear from home, and what mother and
father most long for, when your letters
come. I follow those letters. Mother
is in the kitchen, washing the dishes.
She wipes her hands and sits down in
the low rocking-chair by the window
where the lilac is beginning to bud.
Father stands between the table and
the door, waiting to hear what Won
have said, and aware that he must wait
until mother has satisfied her heart
with the first reading. Then it will he
his turn. To them both you are and
you will always be, just their own lit
Tie girl, and you can never send them
line which they will not scan with
eagerness. So never put off your fam
lily at home with a scrappy, hurried
scraWl; take time; and tell them every
thing"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
WAS TORTURED
An Indianapolis Woman's Sworn State
ment of the Way in Which She
Was Saved From Death.
From the Indianapolis News.

d
Mrs. Mary K. Burns, of sos Hia-
watha street, indianapolis, Ind, is liv-
ing evidence of the wonderful powers
of DR.. Williams Pink Pills for Pale
People, the remedy that cures where
all others fail. For years she en-
dured all the tortures of Indigestion,
nervousness and female weakness,
complication of troubles that five ply
sicians confessed their inability to
cure. Her story is well worth the at
tention of every woman. She says:
MY illness commenced after my
first child was born, I was so weak
and nervous that it seemed l would
never get strong. For twelve years
dOctored for female trouble, COM
pl1cated with nervousness and indiges-
tion. My stomach was so weak that
for days at time could eat nothing
but bread and milk. I was also troub-
led with palpitation of the heart and
was often so miserable that could not
lie down. Five doctors prescribed for
me, and I took many kinds of medi-
cine without being benefited. One
day I saw DR.. Williams Pink Pills
advertised in the papers and I de-
cided to give them a trial 1 did so
and had not finished taking the first
box when l knew that 1 was getting
better.
"You can imagine the relief I felt
when found that after years of suf-
fering was being cured. I continued
taking the pills, and the female trouble
entirely disappeared. DR.. Williams
Pink Pills for Pale People did more
for me than it was claimed they would
do. Since first took the pills I have
not needed doctor nor any other
medicine; they have restored my
health, strength and happiness.
MRS MARY K. BURNS"
Subscribed and sworn to before me
this 18th day of October, 1900.
GEORGE H. SWAN,
(SeaD Notary Public.
DR.. Williams Pink Pills for Pale
People are sold by all dealers, or will
be sent postpaid on receipt of price,
SO cents box, or six boxes for $3.50
(they are never sold in bulk or by the
hundred), by addressing DR.. Williams
Medicine Company, Schenectady, N. Y.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Balzac,s Convenient trousers.


In a little village in the heart of
Touraine lives small. brown old man,
says the London Onlooker, whose great
pride it is that he once had the honor
of making pair of trousers fer Balzac.
The old tailor delights to tell of his
meeting with the distinguished French
man.
When 1 got to the chateau where
Monsieur BalZac was staying, I found
him in the garden writing a novel He
was so busy that waited a bit. Many
sheets of paper, covered with fine writ
ing, lay around him. He would write
spell then stare wildly about and
then go at it again as if he knew that
world was waiting for his words.
After standing near and watching
him while had to interrupt him to
get his measure for the trousers. Ion
sieur Balzac was very good-natured
He smiled while 1 measured him, but
he spoke but once.
mo feet he said, as 1 finished, and
returned at once to his work.
l didn't know at all what he meant,
but some way didn't have courage to
interrupt him again to ask, but I met
a servant and inquired of him what his
master meant by ''No feet"
oh" says he, Monsieur Balzac
wants his trousers made without any
openings at the bottom, so that he can
sit and write without having to put on
slippers"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
A Boys Composition on Girls.


Girls is things wat gets taken out for
nothing to theyatres and cifkusses and
parties and everything. wish was
a girl. my sister Mary was one and
she's got soft thing Of it too. Hank
Wilson comes to see her every knight
and he talks her out riding and dams
ing, and everything. He never talks
me out altho I'd like it just as well.
When duff Gordon was hear heard
hank wilson tell him that his girl was
an awful exkspense to him, and that
he had to treet her to oisters and ise-
kreem, and everything. Then Duff
gordon winked and sed, never mind,
her old man has got lots of tin.
Yes sed hank i'll have to Grim and
barrett til we're Marred and then if
she wants chocklet kandie She'll have
to get it herself. Then they Poked
each other in the ribs and LATED. Wee
had dinner rite after that and hank
Wilson and Duff Gordon was there too.
i askt pa. Please pa won't you sho me
some ov your tin. Tin? Said pa what
do you mein? Wei said hank wilson
said Mary was an orfel xpens to him
and duff gordon sed never mind, that
the old man is got lots of tin and then
hank sed after he was Marryed Mary
would have to bye her chocklet kandie
herself, and then evribodi skolded me
and kalled me Mains and they got
amung themselves and Mary
kried and hank looked like if he was
going to kry too and a after vile they
made up and kissed and said 1 wuz a
young liar and hank wilson give me a
kuarter and tolled me to keep quiet
and not to be 2 fresh. never did like
girls anniehow.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
e q - Natures Antld0te
- ~ FOR
Natures pOiSORS.

is the only cure for Poison Oak, Poison
Ivy, and all noxious plants. It is COM
posed exclusively of roots and herbs. Now
is the time to get the poison out of your
system, as delay makes your condition
worse. Don't experiment longer with
salves, washes and dsoaps-they never cure.
MI. s. NJ. Marshall, bookkeeper of the Atlanta
lGa) Gas Light Co., was poisoned with Poison
Oak. He took Sulphur, Arsenic and various
other drugs, and applied externally numerous
lotions and sa1ves with no benefit. At times the
swelling and Inflammation was SO severe he was
almost blind. For eight years the poison would
break out every season. His condition was much
improved after taking one bottle of S. S. S., and
few bottles cleared his blood of the poison, and
all evidences of the disease disappeared. y
People are often poisoned without
knowing when or how. Explain your case
fully to our physicians, and they will
cheerfully give such information and ad-
vice as you require, without charge, and
we will send at the same time an interest
ing book on Blood and Skin Diseases.
THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO., ATLANTA, GA.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Satisfied with His Joh-

One of Cleyeland's leading business
'-oncerns hired new man the other
day. and little later, when the superin-
tendent passed by, he noticed that the
new man was smoking a pipe. The rule
against smoking on the premises is a
rigid one.
"See here, my man." cried the official,
you can't smoke here"
The new man looked up and nodded
and the superintendent passed along.
A half hour later he was back again.
and 10! the new man was still enjoying
his pipe.
"Say," the official cried, didn't tell
you that smoking was not permitted
here?
"You did," replied the new man.
Didn't you understand me?"
81 did,
"see here, perhaps you don't know
who 1 am"
That's a true word"
well, I'm the superintendent"
The new man looked up at the official
with an expression of deep interest.
Are ye, sure" he cried. "Superin-
tendent, eh? Well, it's a fine job-take
care of it."
And he calmly returned to his work.
cleveland Plain Dealer.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
LONGEVITY IN 10TH CENTURY.
Professions Compared - Phi1oso phers
and Farmers in the Lead,

Professions Compared - Philosophers
and Farmers in the Lead.
"Has the past century contributed to-
ward the increase or the diminution of
human longevity? That was the ques-
ton discussed the other day by group
Of French scientists. In comparing the
statistics of morality in the nineteenth
century with those brought out by Du-
Willard at the close of the previous cen
tury it appears that the average long
evity since 1889 increased by five or six
years. Therefore, the question put by
our medical celebrity would seem to be
answered, the answer pointing to an in
crease Of the average length Of life.
But the present effort is to reveal the
mirage, if mirage there is, in the figures
before us; and that is thorny problem.
DR.. Vacher and NJ. BertilIon fix the
average longevity in the nineteenth CEN
tury at 73 years. All things being
equal. the number of people who reach
ed the age of 73 was greater in the gen.
erations of the nineteenth century than
1t was In those Of the eighteenth.
Vacher only arrives at approximations.
He tried to find out if professions pos
sessed any influence over the chances
Of life, and he was unable to come to
conclusion, because he found cen
tenarianS in all professions, even the
most unremuneratiye. For all that, he
thinks that he can give the palm to
agriculture, because it was in the fam
lilies of farmers that he found the great
est number of persons who had reached
an advanced age. Here statistics are in
accord with the most rational previs-
ions.
The profession which presents a hap
py medium in the matter of longevity
is that Of the scientist Among the sa-
wants one finds as many men who die
young as the number who die very old
We know that Fontenello lived 100
years, and that Chevreul was 1O3.
Among those who reached ages quite
respectable, although their years were
fewer in number, are Humboldt, who
died at 80; Newton, at S5; Franklin, at
"a, and Button, at 81.
The list of those who died very young,
like Bichat and Paschal, is just as long;
but it includes, unfortunately, the mar
tyrs Of science, those who fell upon the
field of honor in the effort to harvest
some new truth-Jacquemont and Com
merson in France, Hasselquist and Abel
IN Sweden, Solokof in Russia and many
others. Such deaths are beyond the
reach of the massive rules of statistics.
1t is noteworthy, however. that the eel
ebrated Cassini family is about the only
one in which the dual Inheritance Of
longevity and scientific genius lasted
through four generations.-C des
Etats Unis.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Discordant Custom in Rer,;n

Berlin is probably the only city of
any size in which there is absolutely
no attempt at anything like a general
dinner hour, or even at uniform bust
ness hours. Each circle of professions
has its own hours of business, which
naturally regulate the household meal
arrangements. Army and official cir
cles have certain hours of duty; bank
ing and commercial houses have their
own hours; writers, actors and artists
theirs, and the university and the
schools form another set with other
hours. If you have wide visiting list
in Berlin you may be asked out to
dinner at any time from 2 until 7.
Hopeless dyspepsia is the penalty if
you do not keep in one set.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Patriotism Versus Pounds.

Uncle Silas Penniwise had never
seen Boston Harbor before. "This is
the place, 1 suppose" he said, gazing
over its blue waters, crowded with
shipping, where our Revolution fore
fathers threw that tea overheard"
"Yes," responded his city nephew, his
eye kindling. 81 don't wonder it stirs
you to the depths to look at the scene
of that historic event. 1t marked an
epoch in the worlds history which no
patriotic American can recall without
a thrill of pride"
"Ye-es," replied Uncle Silas, musing-
ly. Il wonder how much the fellers
lost who owned that tea."
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
MODERN BOOKS AND PLAYS.

Their Titles Are Picturesque and sus.
Restive, if Nothing More.
"Have you seen When Poached Eggs
Were on Toast?
"No-Fve read the book. Have you
seen Under Two Breads|"
mot yet. I've read the book. 1
shouldn't think it would make nearly
so good play as 'Unleavened Flags !"
81 didn't read 'Unleavened Flags
but if it was as poor a book as it was a
play it wasn't worth reading. Still, you
can't always tell. You've seen In the
Palace of Harum,' of course"
"Oh, yes, indeed-I wasn't half
through the book when saw that"
81 didn't read the book. 1 was afraid
they'd put the last chapter first as they
did when they dramatized David Mere
dith,' you know. don't believe in this
dramatizing a novel by mixing it up
until you can't recognize it."
"Oh, do. It's ever so much more ex-
citing all mixed up. 1 like the kind of
dramatized novel where you can't tell
which novel it is until the third act at
least"
TO Shave and to Scold' ought to
make good play-don't you think sop
"Oh, yes, indeed; much better than
'Carvice JaneP did. By the way, did
you ever hear of a play by the name of
Hamlet?
Hamlet? Why, don't remember
anv novel of that name ReaJIvp Yo,,
don't mean it? Oh, if that's the case
shouldn't care to see it. Have you read
Huxley's Life and Letters?"
"No, there's not the slightest chance
Of its being dramatized, I'm told. Pm
reading When the Soup Grows Cold
the advertisement says it's sure to be
dramatized. New York Evening Sun.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Spring
Cleaning

You are made aware of the neces-
sity for cleansing your blood in the
spring by humors, eruptions and other
outward signs of impurity.
Or that dull headache, bilious, nau-
seous, nervous condition and that tired
feeling are due to the same cause
weak, thin, impure, tired blood.
Americas Greatest Spring Medi-
cine is Hoods Sarsaparilla.
1t makes the blood rich and pure,
cures scrofula and salt rheum, gives a
clear, healthy complexion, good appe-
tite, sweet sleep, sound health.
For cleansing the blood the best
medicine money can buy is
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Garfield Tea is an excellent
medicine to take in the spring:
it produces a healthy action
of the liver; it cleanses the
system and purifies the blood.
To PIav HShonninn "

The leader says: ''I went shop
ping this morning, and everything 1
bought began with A. From the gro
Ger I bought (points to player and
waits for response), from the drug
gist (points to another), from the
dry goods store, from the baker,"
etc. The responses must be given
quickly. The penalty is to take the
place of the leader and start another
letter.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
II w0IIIdn'f m

Baron Munchausen had just writ
ten letter to a friend.
He closed with a flourish, yours
truly" and signed his name.
Then, with a melancholy smile, he
erased the word truly"
''It would only move him to derisive
laughter" he said-Chicago Tribune.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Knew the Sort.

Eleanor's Mother-You do Eleanor
great injustice, my dear. She is not
idle, only delicate. She has no power
of endurance.
Eleanor's Father-Humph! I know
all about her power of endurance It's
the kind that'll let her dance all night
in shoes two sizes too small for her,
and make her too tired the next day
to dust the parlor.-New York World.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

''You have fine pedigree" said the
American multi-millionaire to the
nobleman.
Yes" was the nonchalant answer
"And I want to tell you, appreciate
such things. If there is anything
take an interest in it is pedigree
Why, when I was younger 1 could 90
to the races and name over the ances-
try of every horse at the track."-Wasb-
ington Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Laureate Nonsense,

Tennyson is said to have been fond of
foolish fun, that ever delightful sort of
fun which is not wit but nonsense.
One day, at Burlington House, he ask
ed the guests conundrum which he
had just made:
"Who are the greatest women in the
world?"
The answer was:
Miss Ouri, the Misses Ippi and Sara
Gossa."
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Not COMPLETED.

Mrs. Darlington told me before
we were married that you had an in
come of $4,000 year. What has be-
come of it?
Mr.. Darling-Can't tell you until
get an itemized bill from your dress
maker.--Denver News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Woes of a Wife.

ooh, that I should have married a
funny mani" she walled.
What is the matter, lovely dear?"
asked her most intimate friend.
"He came home and told me he had
a sure way to keep jelly from getting
moldy at the top, and when 1 asked
him how he said turn it upside down
Boston Traveller.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

Gus de Smith-Those new boots of
yours squeak awfully; perhaps they
amt paid for yet?
Johnny-Thats all nonsense. If
there is anything in that, why don't
my coat, and vest, and my trousers,
and my hat squeak, too?- o?-Exchange.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TAKING
When You take Groves Tasteless Chill Tonic
because the formula is plainly printed on every
bottle showing that it is simply Iron and Oui-
nine in q tasteless form. No Cure No Paw &c
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
For Keeps.

Ascum SO you've got a political
situation? Do you expect to keep
it?
Rafferty-Faith, do, SO, an what's
more, l ixpict it to kape me.-Phila-
delphia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

Her Escort-Ise awful fond OBJ
music, specially dance music.
Miss Snowfake-So's l. Doan' day
say dat music am de food OBJ lub?
1T am de very choking an watah-
million of lub."-Puck.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

Piso's Cure for Consumption is an infal-
ible medicine for coughs and colds.-N,
w. SAMUEL Ocean Grove, N. J., Feb. II,
1900
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

During recent epidemic of diph-
iberia in a town on the Hudson, '2O5
cases were treated with serum, and
among these there were only two
deaths.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

At Hohkoninsburg, in Alsace, the
remains of an early medieval castle
is to be restored by the kaiser after
the manner in which Pierrefonds was
rebuilt by the architect Violet lie Due
for the Empress Eugene.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
a Eorehanded o>yar

"Shan't we elope, George?"
Eyes, if you think it will please your
father. Financially I'm not prepared
to get him down on me-"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
The Meaninu in a Soueak

EIT0 Permanently Cured. No fits or nervousness
ubO after first day eof Dr. KliDes Great Nerve
Restorer Send for FREE 90 trial bottle and treat
ise DR. r. II KLINE, Ltd y3 ArchSt. Philadelphia Pa
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

1t comes as natural for girl to like
her school teacher as for boy to dis
like his.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

Amendino Shakespeare.

Red pimples, blotches. boils, sores are danger
signals of torpid liver, poisoned blood. Cas-
carets Candy Cathartic will save you. All
druggists. 10c, 25c; SOC.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Hoods
Sdrsaparilld
It is Peculiar to Itself.
It is Peculiar to Itself.

American Commission at Paris.
The cost of the American commits
sion at the Paris exposition was nearly
100000.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Serum for Qinhtheria.

Mothers will find Mrs Winslow's Sooth-
ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their
children during the teething period.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Little AIice's Description.

Little 3-year-old Alice stood watch
ing her mother baking pancakes. After
a few moments silent observation she
said: "Put on back, turn over on
stomach, then eat"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
cood Subject Makes Good Tai

Good Subject Makes Good TaIker.
McCarthy-Old Brown declares you
are the most entertaining talker in
the club. What do you usually talk
about in his company?
McCommick-Old Brown.-Harlem
Life.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

We will all have to face the music
the funeral march-some day.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

The Austro-Hungary war office has
recently tried with success bridges of
aluminium for cavalry. They are the
invention of Captains de Vaux and de
Vail, and are easily carried on wagons.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

The twentieth century began January
1st, 1901. and will end with 1000. People
did not begin to reckon time from A. d. l,
but waited until about the $50 year of the
Christian era. People who begin to take
the great health restorative. Hostetter's
Stomach Bitters. Immediately after the
first outbreak of dyspepsia. malaria, rheu-
matism, constiDation, nervousness or kid
ney trouble will date their cure Immediate
ly from then.
Why Men Fail.
Duty very often fingers and permits
curiosity to get there ahead of it.
Chicago Daily News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

All diseased conditions of the
blood and skin are benefited by
the well known remedy, Garfield
Tea; it purities the blood and
clears the cOmnleXiOn.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16

Street car conductors are never
beautiful. In fact, they are not even
passing fare.-Philadelph Record.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
.@EG0Z Z9lQ0lHN3zzzz
Composition of sweetbreads,

Elsie (aged 3)-Mamma, l want to
ask you a serious question.
Mamma-Well, what is it, dear?
Elsie-Are the sweetbreads made of
loaf sugar?
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Pet.

Pet.
The Princess tame tiger eat
The brave Prince, her suitor, and ve+
She gave it out cold
Or so it is told
That the Prince went away in a pet.
Detroit Journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Aluminium Rridqes for cavaIrv

.tYour Guide and Guard is the famous Oregon Blood
Purifier, tested and true. Use it now.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
Sstors tire Couch as,d
PASSING Fare

Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablets cure cold in
one day. mo cure, No Pay. Price 25 cents.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-16
The Key to the Situation.

me Key to the SItuatIon.
First Detective-How did you man
age to discover the scandal in their
family closet?
Second Detective-Well you see, 1
had skeleton key.-Smart Set.