The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1901-09-01
FUN OF THE WORLD.

An Irish Judge OF the old school. IN
recent summing up al the Four courts
/ Dublin, created a great effect Inc plain
/ tiN was even more beautiful tnan her
! beautiful daughter. who was > witness
! Gentlemen of the jury" his lorcship Dc
gan. everything in this case seems PLAIN
except Mrs. O'Toole and her charming
daughter.
/ Egs
I \ tramp called at a farm house On the
Yorkshire wolds the other day and asked
/ for some refreshments As the lady OF the
/ house refused 70 give him any. ana the
man would not 90 away, she told him she
would call nsr husband.
"Oh. no. you won't" replied the tramp
! because he amt in
How do YOU know asked the lady.
! Because answered the tramp, as he
sided down the garden path. "a man who
/ married q woman with n face Ike that IS
only home at meal times"
Z
/ An old colored preacher in the rural
district accounted for the lightning in
this way:
Ever time Satan looks down en- sees
de Lawds work swine on. fire flashes
! fum his eyes OATS de lightning. En-
wen he fail ter hit a church wild Il he
lays back and hollers. OATS de thunder. "
But. pass0n." said an old deacon,
"whar is Satan in der winter time? We
don't have no lightnin' den"
The preacher studied a minute and then
said:
Well, hit may be. Brer Williams. dat
helrs froze over den"
zs K
rs this the way you leave money lying
around the streets2" said q man as he
picked up a nickle IN front OF q grocery
store one day last week He then started
TO walk on. but was called back by one
OF the clerks. who had Just thrown a i've
dollar bin down beside where the FIVE
cent piece had been found. The lucky
man, congratulatirg himself on his md
turned around 70 see the clerk pick u
the bill. with the exclamation"
See what you overlooked"
That's just my BANKED luckr' saw
agely and mOurnfully GrOwled the frst
man as he continued On his way.
<
The shoemakers of Vienna who called
upon the governor Of the province 90 pro-
test against the adnittance OF American
shoes into the local market told the gov
ernor that in America a man went 20 q
place to get pair OF shoes: he was i'm
mediately measured. treated to a cigal
and drink, and while being entertained
the shoes were made for him and deliver
ed-a perfect fit.
How can we compete with that?'' they
said. And the governor was much i'm
pressed. shook his head and said he woulC
have 10 see about il. Well. the result wa:
that the big American concern that wa.
about to establish stores all over Niennl
gave up the idea on account of the pop
ular sentiment against them.
x x x
II Il were not for the Irish members O.
parliament half of the fun OF parliament
airy proceedings would be lost. Sir" safe
and Irish N. p. ii have any partially
for the honorable member. il Is agains
HIM" Sir" said another. II answer
boldly in the affirmative. Mo- 'Th'
silence Of tho Irish members Of III
house" said another. shall be heard ~
/ longerr' Sir John Parneli declared tina
Every man ought 10 be ready 10 give
his last penny TO save the remainder o.
his fortuner while another spoke OF Re
deeming a character irretrievably lost"
Another member declared he was no
going TO reiterate what he was going Z,
say. but that the time has concluded
is rapidly arriving-when the population
of Ireland will be decimated by two
thirds,"
gg RE
At the. Army and Navy club the othe
evening a group OF officers were discuss
ing the recent difficulties OF ex-Senatol
Chandler with Rear Admir-, Evans on,
Of the officers now retired. mentioned in
cidentauy the fact that Mr Chandler up
on taking up the navy portfolio. was not
as familiar with nautical matters as
might be desired.
soon after taking hold OF his onicia
duties the secretary had occasion TO visf
what was at the time orc OF the large
vessels OF the navy Upon the monin'
following his arrival the commanding Of
fcer. after a brief exchange CT greetings
said.
shall we 20 10 the quarter deck TO Sc,
the MUSTER"
"Hh." replied the head Of the depart
ment. so the story goes 1t seems 20 ms
that for the secretary Of the navy at leas
q half dollar deck should be provided"
At an auction sale Of pavement-sor'
horses held by a big trucking concern in
public sales stable one day this week
farmer who had come 10 New York IN tn,
hope Of picking up some equine barRainl
admitted unreservedly at the end Of thf
days business that the metropolitan
boss fellers" We're too much for him
This here head noddin' at five dollars
nod 90 he explained 10 the group that wal
gazing sympatheticaiiy az the tirne-tsrn
ished bargain the farmer held by a halter
is Z quick fer me. ] amt a hollerin'
but I'd like Z explain 4 sou feIiers how
cum L sit this here creetur put on L ms
just FER the sake O. my reputation Z hum
Comm daown on & boat last night I me
a Teller an got pretty wei quainted viii
him playin dominoes. This morrinl
when this boss was bein' sold IN fcHel
Gums in They'd run IN bid up Z niut5
dollars. and want likely Z get no NOR,
when tn Teller ketches sight o. ne and
mods his head. 'Ninety-dve' boilers IN
auctioneer, seein the nod mods back 70
my friend and one hundred dollars bel
lers tn man on IN box. a Wavin' his
Ratchet 81 my face SIT he'd caught n,
stealing eggs. But 7 amt "A hollerin a
I'd knowed more folks here and took
pains 10 bow 70 EN-. m hcss Iika's not
would a cost ne most a thousand dol
lars"
Lord Grey was fond Of relating this
/ story ~ the death-in court in Edinburgh
of a naval captain who had been noted
for MS crueities az sea, but especially iu
the slave traae.
Mental terror made his 6eath-hed MOST
appalling. According o. Scottish custom
the family opened this door for The spirit
70 pass more easily. when. ~ thelr h0r-
r1r tho bloody head ~ a black urar sud
denly ROLLED iuto tne room The dying
man gave The most fearful scream ard
his relatives rushei 20 his hedEile Hhen
thev looked around fhe head WAS gone.
h1t there was fresh blood upon the f0or
To them 30 seemed ireTpileahie. hut thu
fact was THAI Professor Owen lad been
attending an anatomical rsancs ~ urich
the body ~ black ran hsd been lia-
secfed. ard there ives eo71efhfng 90 c1r-
ioua in the way SRI winch The bead had
been attached 90 fEe body ftrt he bad
3 o1tas1ei leaFe - carr f h1Ue lu q
cloth. that be uignt Crenire So more
carefully u vas very eilrurrT. wet
49, --r ~- 49, ---- r.r -a.r.r s-.r r.r.r~. r-...-