Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-01-24
A CONFIRMED BACHELOR
How the scoffer was Trebly Rewarded.



weed sat staring in establishment at
his friend, Louis Duvivier. Neither of
the men had spoken for some mo-
ments; at last De Verneuil said, with
a whitening look of pity:
and so you have really determined
to throw yourself into the mat
rimuniaI sea. Poor, unfortunate
man! / had hoped better things for
you"
Thanks replied Devivier, sharp
ly, your compliment at least pos
sesses the merit of not being banaL.
] announce to you my approaching
marriage with a charming girl, whom
] adore, and you have nothing to Of
fer but lamentations"
My friend said De Verneuil, plac
ing his pipe on the inlaid tabOuret
beside him, 81 never play the hyPo-
critic: it is a part 1 have always es-
chewed, and upon such a sorrowful
announcement I can only offer my
most sincere coincidence"
Duvivier looked somewhat annoyed
as he listened, but the shadow of i'm
patience soon passed away, and he
described in glowing terms the
beauty of his young f~iancee, Mile
Helene Deschamps.
$50 much the worse" said the
crusty bachelor. Your case. which at
first seemed only dangerous, is now
incurable, and your happiness, which
appeared probable, is now no longer
possible. To have a pretty wife, sir,
is to be devoured by jealousy"
Mile. Deschamps is wealthy and
possesses a fortune in her own right"
calmly observed Duvivier, without
commenting on his friends remarks
Then with her luxurious and ex-
pensive tastes she Will simply ruin
you. my dear fellow" retorted De
Verneuil.
But Louis Duvivier did not intend
TO be disturbed by Edmond de Yer
neuiT's bitter comments, and follow
ed the announcement of his fancee's
wealth by declaring that her mamma
was charming.
Then YOU will have that bette noire,
a mother-in-law," growled De Yer
neuil. Your ruin is complete, old
fellow, and 1 haven't the slightest
hope for you"
Duvivier laughed good-naturedly,
and assured De Verneuil that, not
withstanding his paradoxes, he ex-
pected him to be present at the wed
ding and to act as groomsman. ""You
are my oldest and best friend, Ed
mond,'' said he, coaxingly, "and for
these reasons you ought not to T
fuse my request"
"And precisely for these reasons /
must decline tartly responded De
NerneuiI. for I should feel as though
i were assisting at your electrocu-
ton"
Then if you will not consent to
act as best man. said Duvivier, with
genuine disappointment, promise at
least to be present at the wedding
We'll, perhaps-but do not count
on my coming"
Decidedly" exclaimed Duvivier, a
little vexed, "you are still an antago-
mist to matrimony."
"~Irrevocably," was the laconic an
swer of De Verneuil.
Then you never intend to marry?'
asked Duvivier.
81 should prefer to send a bullet
through my BRAIN" promptly an.
swered De Verneuil. Expeditions
means are preferable to slow ones,
he added emphatically.
Then you propose to remain al
ways in solitary bliss?" said Duvivier
laughingly.
Pardon me-" said De Verneuil
stopping to fill his pipe, you should
say in independent bliss From &
wife. children and family may HEAVIER
preserve mel For a wife," he con
tinued, waxing eloquent, means los
of liberty and the obligation of fol
lowing her caprices instead of youl
ny must go out when you de
sire to remain in, and remain in wheI
you wish to 20 out; at table you mus
eat madame's dishes instead of thos'
YOU prefer yourself; listen with al
interested air to a lot of insipid gos
sip, plentifully sprinkled with thu
latest hints in the fashions of bon
nets and hats, and meekly receive re
proaches, recriminations, and jealous
suspicious. And childreni Why m.
dear Louis, the very sight of an infan
brings on an attack of indigestion
And when they grow up, if they ar
bows, they devour your money b.
getting into all kinds Of scrapes-an'
If they are girls, they must be dow
cred before they can be gotten ri'
of. So, with Cyrano, I say, Nc
thank you'll And then that other de
Hghtful appendage of matrimony-
mother-in-lawl Why the very though
of her makes me shudderl Now yo1
have in a nutshell, my dear boy, tn
wise reasons which prevent me from
committing the folly of matrimony,
and with a deliciously s~elf-satisfie'
air the sage, crusty bachelor sank in
to the hollow of his e~asy-chair, an
putting away at his pipe waited t
hear what his friend had to say.
But Duvivier remained silent, an
the cheerful expression on his fac
clearly indicated that the sorrowfr
nicture of matrimony painted by ID
Verneuil had failed to impress hin
The latter noted the failure OF N
words. and determined to make on
more effort. Rising from his chat
he stationed himself before b maj
tle-piece, and half c~onidentially, hal
effectionately, begged DuviVler I
saw himself while there was yet tim'
Brother" said he, 1.-THE other ia!
while crossing the Pont-Royal, 1 sal
a man ON the point OF throwing nm