davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1901-09-30
SCOTCH WIT AND HUMOR.
Collection of illustrated Stories-HoW
a Joker Lost a Wife.

Collection or illustrated SrorleS-FoW
a Joker Lost a Wife.
What is that?" asked a lady on the
Trossachs coach the other day, point
ing at something white on the heath.
THAT, men," said the driver, taking
a snuff will be the bones of Fitz-
James's horse"
A lad whom Mr.. Balfour had en-
ployed several times to carry his clubs
was one day carrying clubs for another
gentleman, when Mr.. Balfour happened
to pass. He recognized the boy and
nodded affably to him, which gave
huge delight to the youngster. The
lad was overheard remarking to his
companion caddie as Mr.. Balfour
passed on: "You see hoo we con-
servatives ken ane anither!"
The number of good stories that are
floating about Forfarshire in connec-
ton with the late Provost Fyfe are
legion. One day, when he was only a
bailie. he was on the bench of the
Burgh Police Court. The first case
called was that of an old woman who
toddled into court with the utmost
concern.
sWeel, JAMIE" said the bailie, fats
brocht We here?"
Officer of Court-Please, yer honor,
she was caught stealing wood from
Blamashanner plantation
Bailie-That belongs to the toon,
disn't it?
Officer of Court-Yes' your honor.
Bailie-Then things haze come to an
awful pass if we Gamma tax a backfu'
o. sticks frae cor ain plantins. Gae
wa WI We, man; are We no ashamed
of yerseP? And Janet, ma wumman,
whenever ye want ony mair sticks,
just gang the same gait and get them.
Fats the warld comm tae?
Jock, leaving home for the first
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1901-09-30

only be explained by the general rest
lessness of the American disposition,
which compels it's owner to be forever
on the go. The Englishman extracts
oceans of solid fun out of undisturbed
life on quiet river, but to the Am
erican pleasure on the water means q
fast sailing or steam yacht in which
he can fly from point to point along
the coast, with lots of excitement
crowded in.
The relentless power of needed
economy is, however, doing the work
of education in this respect, and the
houseboat is destined to become po-
tent factor in the summers pleasur-
ing. Upon the success of the innova-
ton made by the four Wall street men
much will depend as to the future Of
the houseboat. Of course, their friends
of both sexes are invited to spend
moonlight evenings on the boat, and
it's popularity is almost certain to
spread.
A purely American houseboat, one
that will travel about almost with the
speed OF yacht, has been built by
! William Nixon of New York, who has
made a careful study of the needs of
the houseboat as applied to this coun-
try. 1t is needless to say that it's cost
is just about ten times as great as the
English craft land the expense of orer-
ating it proportionately great.
Mr. Nixon's design is simply a slight
departure from the steam yacht idea.
1t gives an upper deck nearly 60
feet long and 16 feet wide, a space
big enough for a large dancing party.
party.
English households are seldom pro-
PEELED by steam. OF those hitherto
built in this country some have steam
for propelling purposes, but they have
speed of only about four miles an
hour. Mr. Nixons boat has a speed of
nine miles an hour. and uses only
ten pounds of coal for each mile
| Travelled.
The dimensions of the boat are go
feet by 16, and the draught is 4 u feet.
It requires a crew of only three per-
| sons, including the cook, and accom-
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1901-09-30
THE TEST OATH IN ENGLAND.
How Protestant Succession to the
Throne is Safeeuarded

1t would probably be no exaggera-
ton to say that the frame of mind Of
nine out of ten Englishmen on the
subject of the sovereign's declaration
of transsubstantiation and certain
cognate subjects might be best repre-
scented by Melbourne's classic question,
'Why can't you lave it alone?' I'm
fortunately, the tenth man is affected
by a virulent form of theological
rabies, for the cure of which no eccle-
siastical Pasteur has yet arisen, and
he will not leave the remaining nine
in peace.
Earl Grey, in the course of a speech
of great moderation and excellent
sense in the house of lords yesterday,
expressed the opinions of most rational
men when he said that personally, if
he were a Roman Catholic-and there
was, probably, no member of the house
more opposed to their doctrines-he
really thought he would prefer the
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1901-09-30
THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE.


While strolling through Scandina-
via, William E. Curtis learned that
Marshall Bernadotte was the last
French governor of the territory of
Louisiana, which in those days in
,uded that part of Minnesota west of
the Mississippi river. Bernadotte never
visited the new world, but ne was ap-
pointed governor general of the colony
by Napoleon and was preparing to sail
for New Orleans, when Napoleon con-
cluded the sale of the territory to the
United States.
This fact suggests to Mr. Curtis
that it would be eminently proper for
the directors of the Louisiana Pur-
chase exposition to be held in st.
Louis in 1903 to invite the grandson of
the last governor, King Oscar II. of
Sweden and Norway, TO attend as the
guest of honor,
I cannot say that the king would &C
cept. He is an old man, and his
health is delicate, but the plan has al
ready been intimated to him, and he
is nightly pleased at the possibility
of receiving such a compliment from
the United States If he cannot go
himself, he will certainly send one of
his sons to represent him, which
would be almost as interesting and
important The invitation, of course,
would have to come through the regu-
lar diplomatic channel. They are
very particular over here about such
fotmalities, although at the same time
the king is one of the most democratic
of sovereigns. He rides in the street
cars; he goes about the streets of
Stockholm looking into the shop win
2 dows, walks in the park frequently
with one Of his familiar chums, and
loves a joke and a hearty laugh as
much as any man living, He is particu-
larly fond of American humor, and
when he gets Mr.. Thomas, the United
States minister off alone he invari-
ably inquiries for the latest American
story.
If the king himself cannot go to st.
Louis (and there is no reason why he
should not go if his health will per
NIT, for he is a great traveler),. he
might send his son, Prince Karl the
soldier of the family, a hearty and
gallant young fellow, who belongs to
the cavalry but is now member of
the general staff at the war office, and
performs his duties regularly like any
other member. He stands feet 6
inches in his stockings, is slender and
as straight as IN Indian, a fine horse
man, a famous marksman, and very
popular with all classes.
His wife is the Princess Ingeborg, a
daughter of the crown prince of Den
mark. She is the beauty of the royal
family-being considered one of the
hand5omest women in Europe. She is
great favOrite here and is exceed
ingly democratic in her manners and
habits. Being the niece of the czarina
OF Russia, of the king of England, of
the king of Greece, a cousin of the
emperor of Germany, and having other
very reputable relatives, would COM
mend her to high society in St. Louis.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1901-09-30
scandal
Matters of Moment From the
Far-Off NOrthland
I5sEN is OBSTINATE.

Although Henrik Ibsen has recOv-
cred from his serious illness of last
winter, and there are no traces OF the
paralysis left, his physician is almost
in constant attendance. 1t is not ap
parent, however that the distin-
guished dramatist needs any medical
attendance.
Ibsen positively refuses to leave
Christiania in spite of the advice Of his
physician and the requests of his
family. He will not even listen to
the suggestion that he go to Munich,
and says that because he is not strong
he will for that reason remain in the
north, although the physicians have
told him that the winter will be too
extreme for him after his illness.
Although he is now all but perfectly
well, another attack Of the same kind
may have more serious results
Tbsen's way of life is very simple. He
rises at o'clock, and after a cup Of
coffee makes a very careful toilet,
sually wearing a black coat and
white linen tie He then answers his
letters and afterward goes to his bal
cony and reads the newspapers and
receives the visits of an old friend,
who regularly comes to see him.
Sharp at II he starts on a drive to
a beautiful elevated part of the city.
He dismounts from his carriage and
walks for a while. returning home in
the carriage to eat a very simple mid
day meal In the afternoon he rests
for while and then begins again his
reading of the newspapers that come
to him from all over the world.
Every afternoon. in accordance
with an old custom Sigurd Ibsen with
his wife and children, call to see the
father of the family. He delights
especially in the society of the chill
dren. From 5 to he sits again on
the balcony, and at 10 at night he IS
in bed.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1901-09-30

Rear Admiral Sampson said he did
not know whether ne would be a wit.
ness in the Schley investigation or not,
but would go if summoned
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1901-09-30

Locked-out fishermen burned the Of
fees of the Owners association at
Grimsby England
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1901-09-30
gxPELLINe FINNISH SENATORS.

The kind of government the OPP
pressed Firms are getting is shown by
the imperial order expelling Senators
Homen, Heikel, Nummelin and Ram
sey for opposing the czar's commands.
Their offense consisted Of voting
against the adoption of the new army
regulations proposed by Russia.
The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1901-10-26
Helen Gould was Named by Commits.
RiOner Scott Of Arkansas.

ST. LOUIS, Oct. 90. Concerning the
appointment Of Miss Helen M. Gould az
member at-large Of the women 9 board
Of managers of the Louisiana Purchase
Exposition, Commissioner Philip D.
Scott says;
II had In mind for some time this ap-
pointment and desired particularly to
have Miss Gould represent my state
Arkansas. When l proposed her name,
however, the commissioners immediate.
ly demanded a share OF the honor In
naming her, and so II was agreed To
make her member at large, thus be-
slowing the highest honor within the
power OF the commission. lam positive
Miss Gould will serve, as I had taken
the precaution TO talk the matter over
with some Of her friends before announ'
cling her name. -
Other members.of the board thus far
named are: Mrs. Fanny l.. Porter OF
Atlanta, TIA. Mrs. John A. Mccall Of
New York; Miss Anna l.. Dawes Of
PittsHeld, Mass. ; Mrs. Frederick Hang
er Of Little Rock, Ark. Mrs. John M
Holcombe Of Hartford, Conn. In ad.
dition to these Mrs. James.I. Blair and
Mrs. Philip N. Moore will represent ST.
Louis on the board. Mrs. Porter wal
the choice Of Commissioner. Philip D.
Scott Of Arkansas; Mrs. McCall''was So
lected by Commissioner Martin H.
Glynn Of New York. Miss Dawes by
Commissioners Belts OF CONNECTICUT,
Mrs. Hanger by Commissioner Scott
and Mrs. Holcombe by Commissions,
Belts. Other appointments will be do
layed for some time and the board will
be made up Of thoroughly representative
women.
The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1901-10-26
innes Band.

The artistic playing Of the Times Band
at the Buffalo Exposition has been the
talk Of that town since 1t began Its en-
gagement there In the first week Of o.
tober. At al, the performances 1t has
been necessary to lock the doors to pre-
vent terrific crush In the Music Tenn
pie, where the band plays, and at one
festival extra police were required to
compel the outsiders to 90 away after
., 500 had packed the building, and a
riot was imminent. The Buffalo papers
are unanimous in stating that Innes has
made the musical hit Of the exposition,
and the critics flock to the fair every
time the band plays. 1t has been neces-
sary to provide special reserved seats
for the night performances, an emer-
gency never before resorted to at the
exposition. The band will come here
after Its engagement there Is concluded,
though later than was expected, because
Of an extension Of the exposition and a
re-engagement Of the band, which fol.
lowed as q matter of course. Innes was
also chosen to organize and direct the
tremendous musical festival In the
Stadium, seating 10000 persons, for
Buffalo Day.
At King opera house, Jan. 20, 1902.
The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1901-10-26
A Midnight Alarm.

The peaceful slumbers Of our people
were rudely disturbed Just after mid.
night Wednesday by an alarm Of fire.
The alarm had been sent 10 from the
Taylor gin, but the fire luckily did not
get beyond the control Of the employees.
The gin WAS running that night on u
quantity Of cotton shipped In from
Braggs. I. T. and II IL supposed the fire
WAS caused by u match that had been
dropped into II. The Are started In the
blower that conveys the seed
cotton to the gin stands, and the
first thing the Attendants knew was
when the burning lint began falling into
the stands. The kin Ia we'll equipped
with apparatus for fighting fire, an d the
empl Dyes had the blaze extlnguishcd be-
fore any assistance arrived, The loss
will not exceed S95,
The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1901-10-26

THE SALEM "BANNER.N Ua0ET says
It IL for Clarke because he is the smart.
est man In the state. With his smart
ness does anybody suppose Clarke would
DO made chairman Of the Democratic
national committee, and chairman OF
the Democratic senatorial caucus'
Could he possibly accomplish more or
bring more honor to the state Of Arkan.
sas than Senator Jones has noneY Be.
sides. smartness Ia not the main object
In the election OF q senator. Powell
Clayton Is smart. Steve Dorsey was
smart. II Is not smartness that gives
Senators Berry and Cookrell their SO.
cure grips upon their Offices but their
truth TO the cause Of the people. And
that Is the main reason why Senator
Jones should be re-elected-becsuse he
is always right. It Is true that he has
given the state prominent place In ma.
tional affairs, which Clarke could not
do, at leart not for years to come; but
the most important fact that the people
OF Arkansas have to consider 10 that
Senator Jones is always right and al
ways with the people. Hardy Herald.
The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1901-10-26
Cl0rke's Dilemma.

From the Hot Springs News,
Ex.Gov. Clarke seeks to Justify him
self In the Hudson Bank bond case by
claiming that the banks claim against
the state Is an honest one. But
what about his railroad monkey bust
nessi As governor he raised the taxes
on the Iron Mountain railroad and its
branches. After the expiration Of his
term he accepted employment by the
same railroads rs attorney and secured
reduction Of their taxes. II the In.
creased assessment made by him while
governor vas unjust, then he arbitrar.
lily used his official power to oppress and
rob the railroads. II the raise WAS just
and proper, then he afterward became
the implement Of these corporations for
u stipend by which the Taxpayers Of
his state were robbed. Which horn Of
the dilemma will be seixedi From one
or the other there Is 10 escape. Hot
Springs News.
The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1901-10-26

Mrs. M. e. Sanford left yesterday for
Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where she will
make her future home.
BOOKER T. WASHINGTON, who was 70.
Gently dined by President Roosevelt, has
the good sense to refrain from discussing
the incident.
Several carloads OF salvage from last
Fridays wreck on the west end, con.
sistipg principally OF -four and apples,
was disposed Of by Agent o Neill Of the
Mo. Pacific this week. There were
several carloads Of -four In the smash.
up, and railrod men say that for several
minutes after the trains came together
q cloud Of -four dust hung over the
wreck, while the right-of.way was GOV.
cred with dough.
VIII Allen, whose home Ia In the B.
I. T. filed up on mountain dew
while In town yesterday morning and
on the way home amused himself by
firing his pistol along the public high.
way. Constable Martin invited him
and his partner back to town, where
Justice Ferguson concluded the law had
been fractured TO the extent OF &i3, 90,
which he paid. His partner proved
himself innocent,
The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1901-10-26

WHAT caused the people Of Arkansas
10 In 1874 rise In their might and re-
deem the state from the carpetbaggers'
Was 1t not for the purpose Of diminish
ing taxes and prevent the further issu
aucs Of illegal bonds and rid the state
OF gang Of robbersi Men Of all par
ties took part In that victorious fight.
Now comes . something In human form
called Clarke seeking Q place In the U :
8. senate, and for nice, large rake-ofs
recommends that Arkansas make do
nation to the Hudson Bank OF e85, 800
for bonds which he himself reduced to
ashes at . time when he loved duty
more and fee less. Mammoth Springs
Democrat.
The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1901-10-26
What the Press Says Of Miss Gould's
ADDOintment.

There is but one expression, that OF
approval, Of Philip Scott's selection Of
Miss Helen Gould as the head of the
board of lady managers of the st. Louis
Worlds Fair.
This is what the St. Louis Republic
says:
There will undoubtedly be an instant
recognition of the wisdom and fitness OF
the Worlds Fair National Commits
sion 8 action In naming Miss Helen
Gould az the first of the board Ut lady
managers of the Worlds Fair, her
election as a member-at-large being
unanimous.
The American woman thus honOred
Is q woman whom all Americans de-
light to honor. She has proved herself
a fit representative of the highest type
OF American womanhood.
During the Spanish American war
she testified to her patriotism by gener-
GUS gifts to the government and by
splendid personal service In organizing
and directing hospital work for the care
Of wounded and sick American soldiers.
In the cause Of general charities her
purse has always been open.
Miss Gould has also made 1t plain
that she possesses the business quali6-
cations and executive abilities calcula.
ted to make her services on the board OF
lady managers of the Worlds Fair OK.
ceptionally valuable. The national
commission could not have made bet
ter choice Of the first member Of that
board.
The Little Rock Gazette says:
The honor and distinction of present.
Ing the name Of Miss Helen Gould as a
member from the country at large OF
the board Of lady managers Of the st.
Louis Worlds Fair belongs to Hon.
Philip D. Scott of Arkansas, member OF
the World Fair national commission.
When Mr.. Scott presented the name OF
this noble woman the other commits
sioners rose to their feet and seconded
the nomination. No woman is held In
higher esteem throughout the United
States than Miss Helen Gould. She Is
q practical woman and philanthropist
who never wearies OF well-doing
Should she accept the position she will
be the presiding officer Of the board OF
lady managers. Happy thought was
that Of Commissioner Scott which in
spired his choice of the womanly wo.
man, unspoiled by great wealth, - for
the position Of honor on the board Of
lady managers Of the Worlds Fair com.
mission,
The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1901-10-26

THERE 10 no use getting excited over
the senatorial situation a. far rs Jack.
son county Ia concerned. 1t is piece
Of enterprise on the part Of the ga.
sette" and "Democrst" TO report the
speeches Of the candidates In full, but
there Is no great interest taken In the
matter by the people Of jackson county.
There are several reasons for this. One
IL that the farmers are busy gathering
their cotton and have no time TO listen
TO candidstes, no matter how exalted
che Office, and the other 10 that the
voters Of this county have made up
their minds long ago that Jones IL their
man. Newport News.
The same might be said Of four-Afths
OF tho counties Of the state. --Mena
News.
The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1901-10-26
4 WIre's Tribute.

"Do You know Major Mckinley"
asked Mrs. Mckinley Of q visitor at
New Orleans during the trip across the
continent this spring. ''Ah. no one
can know him, because to appreciate
him one must know him as do, and l
am not speaking now Of Major McKin'
Icy rs the president. am speaking OF
him ~ my husband. II anyone could
know what II ID 10 have wife
sick, complaining, always an invalid,
for twenty-five years seldom we'll, and
yet never an unkind word has passed
his lips; be Is Just the same tender,
kind gentleman l first knew when hs
first came and sought my hand. know
him because am his wife, and 1t ia my
proudest pleasure to say this, not be-
cause he Ia the president but because no
Il my husband, wish that | could
have seen him yesterday. love to see
him among the people whom he seeks
to serve 30 faithfully. But read his
speeches this morning. read all his
speeches. only wish that could help
him az | should. But he Ia 80 kind, so
good. 30 patient. He gives me all the
time he can. He never forgets me no
matter how busy he IL. But l will be
glad when he Ii out Of public life. |
did not want him TO run Y second time
| Thought be had done enough for the
country, and now no has done enough,
and when this term expires he will
come home and we will settle down
quietly and be will belong TO me. -
The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1901-10-26

JAS. D. WOOD, who drew the capital
prize 10 the In the Lawton district at
the Ell Reno lottery last August and SET
tied claim valued at $50, 900, Is dead
Of typhoid fever after a brief illness.
Before bis death all the contests against
his quarter.section claim adjoining the
town Of Lawton had been disposed Of
by the interior department, and his
widow will come into the undisputed
possession of the property
The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1901-10-26

TIE senatorial campaign continues
about ~ last week. Senator Jones 10
gaining strength every day. We have
talked with dozen or more men who
have heard the speakers aud without
exception they declare that CLARKE Ia
no match for JONES' Even the most
ardent admirers Of Mr.. Clarke admit
this. A drummer who makes two
thirds OF Arkansas and who has hap
pened In on Senator Jones and Mr..
Clarke ut several Of their speakings told
M that the former Invariably had the
crowd with him. The drummer stated
that be hsd gone to the trouble Of ascer-
tanning the sentiment Of the people on
the question and found them over.
whelmingly for Jones. why" he
declared. 'Mr. Clarke might w. well
qult and 70 home now, - and he ex.
pressed the belief that he would do 80.
Monroe County Sur.
The Van Buren press. [volume] (Van Buren, Ark.) 1859-1914, 1901-10-26
MONEY TO LOAN
On well improved Farms.
Terms Reasonable. Time
Easy.
W. W. COTTON, Aa.u-.
OzAR1e, ARK.

Miss Maud Bryant, late Of Memphis,
Tenn, Is organizing u kindergarten
class for the winter. The kindergarten
plan Ia the most successful and general
ly approved plan OF instructing the
young and Miss Bryant should have no
trouble In securing good class.
A crazy man made things lively In
the neighhorhood Of the Mo. Pacific
hotel Wednesday night, taking posses
sion Of one Of the rooms and playing
high links with the contents. The off,
GERS after some trouble got him to Jail
and locked him up.
There was o stir In railroad circles
Thursday, the occasion being the trial
OF two brakemen who, while full Of the
Juice Of the bug the evening before, pro.
ceeded TO run the new Mo. Pacific yard
TO suit themselves. OF course they lost
out In the end, being hned for disturb.
Ing the peace, and losing their Jobs.
Al. Blackstock makes IN interesting
announcement In this issue Of THE
PRESS. Mr., Blackstock now has one Of
the best.selected stocks OF watches
jewelry, cut glassware, ETC., ever
brought to Van Buren, and In his re.
pair department has added an expert
assistant, so that be Is prepared TO turn
out promptly all work entrusted to him.
II you want reliable goods 20 and zoe
him.