Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-05-16
GOOD
Short Stories

one day, at Burlington House. Ten
nyson Is said to have asked the guests
a conundrum which he had just mades
"who are the greatest women In the
worldg' The answer was; Miss
ouri. the Misses Ippi and sara Gossa''
w. s. Gilbert. OF Gilbert and Sullivan
opera fame. was one day standing on
the steps OF his club house In London.
when stranger approached and asked'
Does a man belong to your club WHO
one eye named walkerr u don't
know" was the answer; whats the
name OF his other eyeT
Arthur Simmons, the venerable negro
attendant at the white House. was dox-
ing In his chair the other day, when an
usher rushed upstairs and said: "Man
down here wants to see Mr.. Cortelyou."
Cant see him." replied Arthur, with
dignity. "But this man says he's go'
TO see him." Don't care nothin' about
that" said Arthur preparing to resume
his doze; nobody can see Secretary
Cortelyou; he's gone into his sanctum
sanitarium."
Thomas Lincoln. the father Of Abra
ham Lincoln. was a great story-teller
and one yarn that he never tired or re
hearsing was a blood-curdling Indiar
tale. One day. when he was abou
seven or eight years old, and living II
Kentucky, he was sitting on a fence
watching his father and older brother
at work In the field. without q mo
ment's warning. a small band Of In
dams came rushing by on horseback
One Of them. with sweep OF his lonl
arm. seized the lad and galloped on
Little Tommy Lincoln looked up Int
the red warriors face. and said: Don
kill me. Take me a prisoner" TIT
Indian smiled. Just then q rid
cracked. Indian and boy tumb'ei OF
the horse, the Indian dead. with oul
let In his brain. Tommy Lincoln
brother had come to the rescue.
Once, when Mark Twain was to lee
ture in small Western town. he wa
greeted at the railway station by tn
minister, who was to be his host durin
his brief stay. On their way to tn
parsonage, the minister asked II
would be agreeable to Mark II b
opened the lecture with a prayer, n
was the custom. OF course the humol
ist was delighted. and accordingly
when they reached the hall that ever
ing. the minister left the lecturer slttin
In the corner Of the platform, took th
center OF the stage himself, and PR
, ceeded to offer a prayer about half a
hour long. In the course Of which b
gave his views on all the current affaiI
of interest and concluded by saying
"And now, o Lord, we have with US u
night a man who Is known throughoI
all the world as the great America
humorist. Help us, o Lord-help US
understand what he is about to say
us, and to be amused by It; and II po
sIble, grant that we may derive con
real benefit from his lecture"
Talking of the Inauguration OF JAM
Buchanan. L. A. McCreary, OF Was
IngtOn, d. c., said: The KirkwoC
House was crowded from basement
the roof, and the rush was so great tn
store-rooms were used to make roo
, for the throng. One OF these had
wlndow-only door, and when a mc
from Maine trudged In at midnight
March Sd, he was very glad indeed
take the only thing left-the wlndo'
less store-room. On the morning
March 9TH, the man from Maine a
peared as the desk and wanted to kno
when the ceremonies were to tai
place. 'CeremoniesY asked the cler
| what do you mean?' Why said 4
man, the inauguration The cler
j thought he was mentally unbalance
and eyed him suspIclously, until he G
claimed: I was awake half doz
: times, but didn't want to dress in I
dark, thinking II was still night, and
+ went to sleep again. got pret
y hungry at last, and that made me 9
~ up. When does the next train lea
for Bangor? l want to get back
Gods country, where they have 81
q shine"