Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-12-06
A Real Funny Story.

Old Tim Linkins, the barber OF WABASH Ave-
nue., Chicago, is great student OF proverbiai
philosophy, and he sometimes entertains his
customers in tho interval of o "scrape" or
"haircut," by his apt applications of the we'll
known proverbs of the past to the conditions
or requirements of the present. His regular
customers know his strong point, and many
man who apparently goes in for shave, Is
really in search of rest in O cosy chair, and
has desire to hear Tim hold forth pro-
verbally. One day last week a stranger came
in for shave, and as he stretched himself
wearily in the chair. Tim prepared to iather
him. The man incidently remarked that he
had intended coming in earlier In the day but
had been prevented. "Well, it's better latc
than never, said Tim, smilingly. mot al
ways" replied the stranger, slowly. How
about losing your pocketbook l never lost
one until yesterday-never did, but l would
sooner have kept it. Now, why was it better
for me to lose 1t late than not at all -" Tim
acknowledged that he was wrong and the man
continued Don't know what 1 would have
done in my predicament, only an old acquain-
tance of mine on the Lake front let me have
twenty to go on with" "Ah," Clipped in
Tim, ''that was good A friend in need is a
friend indeed" mo, he isn't" snapped tho
man who was being shaved. "There you're
dead wrong again. How can friend in need
be friend indeed? have good many friends
who are always in need and they arc nuisance
to me. Always on the borrow" Tim thought tho
problem over in his mind and reluctantly ad-
mitted that tho man was right. He had al
most made up his mind not to speak again
when tho stranger continued, eyes sir, they
are nuisanccs. Why, one of them follows has
been calling on me for tho past year and
threatens to get even with me some way ii
do not loan him fifty dollars. He threatens
me at every visit" "Oh, 1 wouldn't mind
that" replied Tim unconsciously, you know
the old adage A barking dog never bites.'"
"There you are again, said the " "shavee as
he wiped a little lathor from the corner of
his mouth. Say, what do you know about
dogs, anyway, that you talk in such silly
strain Have you over ventured to go too
close to a barking dog,-and if you did, what
did he do to you Did you ever know bark
ing dog that didn't bite if he got the chance?"
Tim said he couldn't exactly call to mind any
canine acquaintance that strictly fulfilled the
claim in the proverb and there was q silence
for few minutes while his razor was gliding
over the mans face. Then the barber smiled
to himself as he bethought him of good JOKE.
81 suppose" he said, as he applied the bay
rum, Il suppose you don't believe in the bar
bers' proverb at all?" whats that ?'' asked
the stranger, rising. 1.-TWO heads arc better
than one,' answered Tim. "Of course you
can understand why they arc in my business,
but l. know you would like to say they would
be bad for a man with the headache or"
Nothing of the kind, put in the other, smil-
ing. "One of your proverbs, at least, is right.
happen to know that two heads are better
than ono." Then you don't object to that
old adage2" mot at all. 1t is dead right.
Aud would thank you very much if you have
any stray Lion heads at hand-tnose taken
from the Lion Coffee wrappers. My wife is
collecting them and she is about six shy of
the number required to get a Lady's Gold
Watch. You see in this case 'two heads are
better than one, and twenty are better than
ten" "Just so'' added Tim, checriully, "but
expects . premium il lew weeks. so to her
also, two heads are lie ter than one. " ''Well
in that case" said the stranger, as he paid
Tim for the shave and prepared to depart,
"you had better tell your wife to do ths same
as mine is doing. Save up the Lion heads
until after September 1st next, when the new
Premium List is issued. Then il she sends
them to the Woolson Spice Co., Toledo, Ohio,
she can have her pick of some very choice
presents."