The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1901-12-24

FmhCN( OUR 0NoN
/ ;}SsIzBJDG GET NAS$a3Sl
1&2SHUNoRSR|
\ Slight Difference.
Oh, my jokes arc very funny
When I'm sending them away
can almost see the money
That the editor will pay.
But instead OF being Jolly
Every note OF fun they lack,
And they re rather melancholy
When my Jokes come back
New York Herald.
Definition.
First Boardcr-"W What is the exact
ueaning of 'viands|"
Second Boarder-"Oh! Things you
get to eat when you don't board."-
Puck.
Their Reliance
Cholly-"I love your daughter!"
Paterfamilas-"B you can't live
on thatr'
Cholly-" Aw-no! But then there's
your love, too, you know"-Puck.
4 Matrimonial Instance.
81 believe Mrs Henpeck would
rather quarrel with her husband than
with anybody else"
Decidedly! Force always seeks the
line OF least resistance. Puck
Not Necessary.
when you're at loss for a suitable
word do you ever apply to your wife?'
No" replied the writer. II don't
have to. Her entire vocabulary is com
Ing my way most Of the time."-Chi-
cago Post.
Honor.
'Why not honor the poet while he
is living? Why wait until he is dead
before organizing clubs to find out
what he means:"
We'll, | suppose the longer we wait,
the less likely we are to find OUT
Life.
Distressing.
Nurvis-"That dog of Naybor's will
be the death Of me yet! There's never
a day passes that he doesn't run out
and bark at me-"
Purvis-"Why, a barking dog sell
dom bites"
Nurvis-"That's just it. 1 wouldn't
mind being bitten and have it over
with. It's the suspense that's killins
'ne."-CathOlic Standard and Times
The Dear Things.
Uncle GeOrge-"Hannah. why Is il
you always keep that parlor curtain
DOWN.
Hannah-"To keep the sun from fad
ing the carpet, OF course"
Uncle George-"But you keep the
carpet covered with mating"
Hannah-"Oh well, that is only to
prevent the carpet from being worn
threadbare. Boston Transcript.
Tho CodoelI.
The Judges Wife - always said
she'd look perfectly lovely in black.
And he left Il large estate, of course?"
The Doctors Wife-"But, my dear.
she only put on half mourning. She
hasn't shown him the respect of a
veil even"
The Judges Wife Dear me- you
don't say so! l wonder if the codicil
didn't read arightT-New York sun.
The Charm or II.
I'm goin' 10 school, now." said
Willie.
"oh, are you? DO you like it,"
Yes"
That's good. That's a sure sign that
you'll learn fast l suppose your
teacher is very pleasant lady. isn't
sheT'
Nav. l don't like her very well.
But there's a boy in our class that can
make his ears go up and down and
wigglc the top of his head."-Chicago
Record Herald.
He Had Proof
Say, ma
"WcH?"
There are seven liars in our class
at school"
"Oh, [ wouldn't say that, dear. You
might be mistaken"
NO, l amt Yesterday the teacher
said all of US that never told lie
should hold up our hands"
And were there seven there who
didn't hold up their handsT"
NO. There were seven that did,
Chicago Record-Herald.
IN the Dispensary.
Ear Doctor think / can find tho
trouble i'm your ear in a very short
time. Now, then, do you hear ~
watch tck?'
Woman Patient 40. doctor"
Doctor holding the watch closer to
her corI-"Now do You hear il ticll.p
Patient "Not yet, doctor"
Doctor-"Why. then YOU must be
stone deaf and can't understand a
word I'm saying docking at the
watch Thunder beg your pardon
! forgot to- wind it"-New York Times
III