Peninsula enterprise. [volume] (Accomac, Va.) 1881-1965, 1901-03-16
KEPT TALLY ON FIBS.
THE ASTONISHING RESULT OF ONLY
ONE DAY OF COUNTING.

unmltigated liar?" said an amateur
cynic of BarOnne street. Il don't mean
he lies viciously. but suave mendaclty
gldes off the end of his tongue as cas-
lily as molasses flows from a splgot on
Il warm day in summer. He does 1t I'M
consciously, habitually, automatically
just as his lungs expand and his
heart palpitates and his hair grows,
without any special attention from the
rest Of his system. He does 1t because
he can't help it. The thing has become
a second nature.
81 had all this brought home to me-"
continued the amateur cynic, ''by a
very simple little experiment which l
tried on myself and a few others no
longer ago than yesterday morning.
Did you ever see pocket counting ma
chine? Well, it's a little device shaped
like watch. Whenever you press the
stem the needle on the dial jumps a
point. and it registers In that way up
to several thousand on the principle Of
a cyclometer. They are used by any
body making long counts and are very
handy, because they never forget where
they leave off.
thing happened to remind me Of our
national vice of untruthfulness as |
was getting up yesterday, and l deter
mined to keep tab on myself and as
certain, If possible, how. many actual.
out and out lies l put into circulation
in the course of the day. l CHANGED to
have one Of the little counting ma
chimes have just mentioned so | slip
ped 1t into my pocket and started out.
1.-THE first lie told was right at the
door. Smithson was passing and stop
ped to shake hands. Hello, old man!
said l. Delighted to see you when as
n matter of fact | was deuced sorry to
see him, because | owe him ten. |
gave the counter squeeze and hur-
ried on, but before got to the office !
had logged it nine times.
"What did jog it for, did you ask?
Oh, trivalties. mere trivialities, but at
the same time point blank lies. every
one of 'em. Whenever | opened my
mouth out dropped some COMPOUNDED
hyperbole. told Jenes the joke he In
sisted in springng on me was the best
l ever heard and then made double
tally in assuring his wife she was look
ing remarkably well when she was
looking exactly like a scarecrow. l
told another friend never laughed so
much in my life as had at something
or other, don't remember now what,
and still another that hadn't slept a
wink for three nights when had neu-
ralgia lately-all lies. bald lies, In spite
of their harmlessness.
"When | reached the office and look
ed at the dial, was Mortified. Good
heavensr | said to myself. 1t seems
to be physically impossible for me to
speak the plain truth In the paltriest
matters. I'll just remain perfectly
quiet for half an hour and keep check
on Boggs.
"Boggs is our head bookkeeper and
a pillar In one Of the suburban church
es," continued the amateur cynic. He
wears rubber overshoes in wet wealth
er, cultivates sandy side whiskers, car
ries a Bingham umbrella. belongs to q
building and loan association and has
all the other marks Of severe respecta-
bility. / had supposed him to be the
of cast iron veracity, but
when I sat down in cold blood to put
him on record I was astounded at the
blase fashion With which he frivoled
with the truth. pushed the button
on him 10 times in q minutes; then he
got into a whispered conversation with
a caller and lost the thread Of his
remarks. But I am certain II | had
been in earshot the counter would have
had hard work keeping up with the |
procession.
THAT relieved my mind somewhat, |
and later on, when | made quiet test |
of several of the other fellows In the |
office, came to the conclusion that | |
was no worse than the average. but the |
average was pretty tough. AS far as
my Investigations went, the invoice |
clerk held the record. He is guileleSs |
sort of chap, with modest manners and !
4 freckled nose, and never supposed
be bad any Imagination concealed in |
his peg topped Uranium, but he forced
me to push the indicator up exactly %
times In Is minutes. During the last
part of the stretch. however. he was
trying to trade off a secondhand blcy
lie, and that naturally swelled the re-
turns.
"Of course sCDn realized that the
dea of keeping count on my own men
lacity was entirely impractical and
abandoned the effort. but the other
lata has furnished me with abundant
'ood for thought. My brother-ln-law
~ the way, insists that we would
make a great mistake in trying to
weed these flowers Of fable out Of our
laily speech. He says we lie cOntinu
lily and systematically because every
)ody else lies, and man who would
tart out to tell the plain, cold. raw.
truth about everything In
lfe would be little better than IN an
rchist. He would upset all establish
d standards Of value and make ii nee
ssary almost to recast the language {
Besides, nobody would believe him.
Sut my brother-in-law is q DOCTOR"
dded the amateur cynlc thonGhtfully.
and maybe that makes a difference"
New Orleans Times Democrat