davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28
HANNIBAL HAMLIN's JOKE.

"One of the most lovable and distin-
guished men of the previous generation
of American statesmen" said Howard
Easton of Chicago at the Fifth avenue
hotel New York, recently was Han
nibal Hamlin of Maine. Senator of the
United States, Vice President to Abra-
ham Lincoln and Minister to Spain, his
career was full to repletion. Mr.. Ham
lin was always ready to learn, and he
well illustrated, in the following story,
that a lesson once learned by him was
well learned and never forgotten. Just
previous to the time when Mr.. Hamlin
entered the field of national legislation,
when he sat in the Legislature OF
Maine, a very dull day occurred. Moth
ing but routine business was being
transacted, and while it was absolutely
necessary to the public veal, it bored
the members to death. They were in
that frame of mind when they would
grab at anything as a means of dis
traction, and Mr.. Hamlin, who was suf-
fering from the same ennui, thought
he would perpetrate little joke to re-
lieve the general c apT 'ssiJ2. There
was a certain member of -. yJdy from
back country district who always had
his ndlT Olleu ana parted with pdlnlul
exactness. 1t was slicked down on
either side in the fashion that prevailed
| in the thirties and forties. and the oil
gave to his caput a. smoothness similar
to that found on a well turned ivory
billiard ball. So straight was the line
| of his part that it seemed as though
a surveyor must have laid it out, and
the man did not live who had ever seen
him with his head except in the most
perfectly well groomed, well smoothed
condition. 1t was on this member that
Mr.. Hamlins attention fell. AS he saw
| that shining top piece the idea came to
him, and, getting upon his feet, he said:
/ Mr.. Speaker. Obtaining recognition
from the chair. he made the following
explanation: The gentleman from -
said Mr.. Hamlin, has three hairs on
the right hand side of the parting of
his hair which are out of plum. OF
course. we know that the gentleman is
unaware of this, but we are also equal
ly aware of the painful embarrassment
that it will cause him now that he is
informed
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28
THE WAITER WAS NOT IN
SUITED

Il dropped into a restaurant on the
old side at dinner hour the other even
ing" said a jovial bachelor. who rel
ishes the good things of life, land
finding the place crowded, got seat
at a small table with a man who was
evidently a stranger in the city. He
was a middle aged, raw boned chap,
with heavy mustache and a bronzed
skin, and after a little furtive sizing
up l came to the conclusion that he
was a cattleman from somewhere In
Southwest Texas out on a pleasure
trip. One of the things that led me
to that opinion was his attire. He was
rugged out in a black Prince Albert
of the peculiar short WASTED brand re-
garded as the height of fashion all over
the great Southwest, and l could al
most see his necktie in the showcase
of some crossroads store, surrounded
| by brass collar buttons, lead pencils,
! striped stick candy and fancy notepa-
| per. 1 know the type fairly well, and
| felt convinced that he was an out and
! out good fellow, yearning for human
! comradeship, but l didn't care to run
the risk Of being mistaken Tor punco
steerer, so 1 proceeded to order my
dinner and made no effort 10 open a
| conversation.
I'm a little while, however, 1 noticed
that my vis-a-vis was having an I'M
| happy time of it, IN account of the
extraordinary neglect of his waiter,
who was apparently doing his best to
/ spoil the dinner. He was not only slow
and impudent, but he mixed up the
courses and got everything twisted in
| a carefully elaborate fashion that ex-
| hibited a real touch of genius. Alto
gether, it was something maddening,
and I fell to wondering when his victim
would rise up and slay him. but the
| Texan, on the contrary, seemed to be
rather cowed. He worked his way
silently through the demoraized repast
and finally caught my eye and sighed
deeply.
80 Pears like that Teller wasn't car
in much whether / got anything to eat
or not he remarked in a resigned
voice.
81 noticed he was serving you pref
| ty badly said 1, What seems to be
the trouble?'
Hanged if 1 know said the Texan,
pulling his mustache. The same relier
brought me a feed here yesterday and
| like to run his legs off gettin me
things Dunno what 1 did 10 make him
sour on me-
Il reflected. and remembered that
; the tip and the ga-cnn are alike I'M
known out in the cattle country SUP
pose you give him a quarter when he
comes back I suggested, and see what
erect that has on him.
! MY companion glared at me in
/ Amusement
cit will make him fghtin mad,
won't it?' he asked in a whisper.
Mad nothingr I replied. laugni~g
! Just try it and see how indignant he
gets.
All right" said the Texan, IN do
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28

VISITORS NOT WANTED.
Greenland Does Not Welcome Summer
Tourists

If one in the heat of summer signs for
"Greenland's icy mountains" and forth
with takes a ship to go there, he will
do it largely In imagination, or on a
Danish vessel, or not at all. For only
in that way, or by special permission
of King Oscar, could one secure land
ing in that land of snow and ice.
Great Britain is called the tight lit
tie isle" but it Is an open door compar-
ed to Greenland So says Fritz Norj-
man, who was in Kansas City recently.
Fritz is a Greenlander, down South on
a visit. He cannot come here in the
summer time because it is too warm for
comfort. He was in a stew all the time
he was here, anyhow, and he laughed
when informed that this was winter.
Up there, this would be warm for sum-
mer time.
Greenland" said he, sis governed in
a motherly way by Denmark. Trade
always was and still is monopolized by
the home Government and only Danish
vessels may sail in Greenland waters.
Travellers even must have the permits
sion of the home Government before
they may make tours in our land. This
is not easy to obtain.
Ac " pS LII tiC
protection of the natives, who are none
too worldly wise. The Government
fixes price both for the goods the
Greenlanders purchase and their prod
ucts. In this way all are treated alike
and there is a certainty about the Gov
eminent prices which makes the natives
feel settled.
Furthermore, the Government
watches the barter and trade and sees
that the simple natives do not sell too
much or buy too little for their own
good. Thus they are not short of food
and clothing when the dull time comes
and ships are unable to land. The ma
tive Greenlander never has been, nor is
he now, able to buy a drop of LIQUOR.
! 1.-THE vessels in the Greenland trade
belong to one company and they make
one or two voyages a year. One of them
is 100 years old, so that their substan-
tial character is easily seen. They
have to be good ones to find their way
through the ice"
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28

]. MAHIAI KANEAKUA,
Landlord.
Honolulu. March 1. 1901. 579S
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28
CARNIVAL SEASON WALTERS
Peculiarities OF Men Who Flock to New
Orleans in February

THE most independent class of work
ing people on earth,' declared the pro-
prietor Of a local restaurant, ARE the
skilled professional walters who drift
down to New Orleans every carnival
season. Fully 200 came this year, but
a good many of them have gone away
again, and there will probably be a con-
siderable shortage of competent help
during Mardi Gras week The reason
for their early fitting is rather anus
ing. They all play the races and lot
of the best of them had such run of
bad luck that they became Disguised,
fancied they were 'hoodooed' and
shook the dust of the city from their
patent feathers.
They are queer class of nomads,"
the restaurant man went on, but it is
a great mistake to suppose that they
are ever to be found in tough houses
in the North. On the contrary, they al
ways get work in the most fashionable
and expensive places lii New York AMI
other cities. You see, as a matter of
fact these carnival walters of ours are
recognized everywhere as the smartest
and most competent men in the bust
ness, and that Is the reason why, as I
said at the outset, they are so con-
foundedly independent. They know
that their services are always in de-
mand, that they are morally certain of
getting job whenever they want it in
a place the size of New Orleans. and
that nobody ever dreams of asking
them for credentials or testimonials as
to character. The poor caterer is only
too glad to get them to go to work,
and all that doesn't tend to make a
young man meek and lowly. The wait
ers have no club or exchange here,
such as they have in most large cities.
but each fellow goes on his own hook.
"At this time of the year any of the
large restaurants will engage men
known to be capable, whether they
have immediate use for them or not,
and frequently hold them for week or
more in reserve. So much of the repu-
tation of a house depends on its table
service that a level-headed manager is
willing to go to that expense to secure
servants who can add to the prestige
of the place, and also to keep, rivals
from getting them. AS to what the
walters make out of their jobs in car
nival season, that is hard to say. We
have some of the cleverest tip workers
in the United States here, but so much
depends on pure chance. A bright man
who is kept busy ought never to fall
below $3.50 a day during carnival fes-
tivities, and above that it is largely
luck. I knew a waiter who saved
nearly $500 here last season. He vas an
exception, however. He attended
strictly to business and never played
the ponies New Orleans Times-Dem-
ocrat.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28

SATURDAY, THE BOTH DAY OF
MARCH, A D. 1901.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28

with the foot instead of the hand. 1t
is understood that it is at all times
more convenient to have two hands
to work with instead of one, ana as
the improved cutter permits this it
should have at least this advantage to
recommend it over the old pattern of
sickle. The drawing shows the new
cutter in the act of severing a hill OF
corn, and illustrates the manner of at
tachine the device to the foot. 1t con-
sists of a metallic plate, which is
carved to, fit the under surface of the
boot, with a sharp plate secured to
the forward end to be used as the
cutter The operator grasps the stalks
with his hands and gives kick with
the toe against the butts, which cuts
the corn off close to the ground: The
plate is of such light weight that II
and skillful cutter should be able
with this implement to do much more
work than with the old implement.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28
DOING A WALL STREET BROKER

A Wall street broker whose economy
in small things is in inverse ratio to
his wealth went into one Of the best
known downtown restaurants for lunch
on Friday. He ordered lobster salad
and a bottle of beer. When he went to
the cashiers desk to pay his modest
check he saw a waiter with a large
plate of lobster salad going toward the
bar.
What's that salad for?" he asked
the cashier.
Free lunch" said the cashier This
is the lobster salad day at the bar"
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28

it, but look out fer trouble. I'm pow
erful feared I'll have him to lick
The quarter changed hands, with
exceedingly satisfactory results" said
the jovial bachelor, land the stranger
and l went out together.
I'm much obliged to you fer putin
me on to that he said, fer I'd never
of thought of it, and might have starv-
ed to death jest through ignorance.
But out whar 1 live 1t would have
meant scrap sure he added. Why,
man, that waiter was most as old as
am myself and blamed sight better
dressed!' New Orleans Times Demo-
crat
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28
LANDLORDS NOTICE OF SALE OF
GOODS DIsTRAINED FOR
RENT.

Having taken and distrained the
goods and chattels and Office furniture
and law books hereinbeiow described
Of Charles Creighton. attorney, Of Ho-
uolulu, Oahu, for rent in arrears of a
part OF my Office in the Occidental no.
tel, on the corner of Alakea and King
streets, said Honolulu, notice Is hereby
given that unless such rent in arrears
and costs of distraint and removal and
custody is paid within fifteen days
after date / will sell on
SATURDAY, THE BOTH DAY OF
MARCH, A D. 1901.
At Il o'clock noon, at the auction
rooms of w. E. Fisher, Esq, in said
Honolulu, the following personal prop
erty, to-wit:
Attorneys Secretary tdesk).
l Attorneys Bookcase.
Pigeon-Hole Case.
Iron Safe.
Office Chairs.
l Letter Press and Small Table for
stand thereof, and the following Law
Books:
Benjamin On Sales, Vol.
Black on Bankruptcy, Vol.
Bouvier's Law Dictionary, Vols.
Central Reporter, l. G. Pub. Co., 4
Vols.
Central Reporter 1sssy, 2 Vols
Compiled Laws, Vol.
Directory, 1S96-1S97. l Vol.
Equity Craftsman american Notes.,
Vol
Freeman On Cotenancy and Parti-
ton, 1 Vol.
Hawaiian Reports, II Vols.
Hurd On Habeas Corpus, 1 Vol.
New England Reporter. L C. Pub.
Co., Vol
New England Reporter Q880. 1 Vol.
Newell On Malicious Prosecution, l
Vol
Official Reports to Legislature, 1898.
Vol.
Penal Laws, 1897. Vol.
Savage's Dictionary OF the Art OF
Printing, Vol.
Session Laws, 1890, 1892, 1898, 1894
1895, 1895, 1896, Vols.
Statute Laws, 1SS4-188S, 1 Vol.
Stephens On the English Constitu'
ton, Vol.
Western Reporter, l. C. Pub. Co.
Vols.
Western Reporter 1ssS). Vols.
]. MAHIAI KANEAKUA,
Honolulu. March 1. 1901. 579S
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28

rs it the same salad that is served
in the restaurant"
Certainly. Why don't you try some?"
why, I've just had some inside and
here is my check for it. 1 consider
this business swindle. Why didn't
the waiter tell me 1 could get the salad
free at the bar? I might have ordered
q glass of beer and had my salad
them
Business was brisk on the exchange
during the afternoon, but the broker
spent most of his time telling how this
restaurant had swindled him out of 40
cents needlessly for salad which was
free at the bar
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28
NOVEL CORN CUTTER.

The old method of cutting corn
with a sickle has been in use for
years, and many an acre of stalks has
been cut with it without any thought
on the part of the user of how to i'm
prove on the implement until Charley
o. Eberlin of Shawano, Mich, con-
cluded that the work should be done
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28
At Auction
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 3,19O1

COMMENCING AT 10 O'CLOCK.
l will offer for sale by order of MR..
LOUIS MARKS, on the premises cor
ner of King and Artesian streets, on
the McCully tract, and about one block
beyond the Waikiki turn, on King
street, and almost opposite the resi-
dence of John Cummins, Esq,
An elegant assortment of
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28

House open for inspection the day
previous to sale.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1901-03-28
Household Goods
and Ferns

Consisting of Wakefield Rattan Rock
ers and chairs
An elegant bevelled pier mirror.
Couch, onyx table.
Onyx lamp.
Combination oil and electric chan
deiers.
Pictures, lace curtains, shades.
Portiers, draperies, ETC., etc.
Oak dining table.
Heavy oak dining chairs.
Oak sideboard.
Glass and chinaware, crockery.
Bric-a-brac, ETC., etc.
Several fine bedroom sets.
Maple bureau and table.
Mattresses, pillows, counterpanes,
etc.
One new Bridge and Beach Royal
range, complete.
Kitchen utensils, ice chest. meat safe.
Garden tools.
furnishings of servants quarters.
Also a large assortment of plants.
Feranda chairs, baby carriage and
cockatoo
House open for inspection the day
previous to sale.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-05-29

an ag'in, Jake. Whenever you 60 an
send a gal off to them doggone colleges
you jest naturally spile her for all time
to come By gosh, you jest as well
take her out an knock her in the head.
That's all in the worlds the matter Of
Loueesy Banks"
mo, l low her an Sim jest naturally
didn't suit"
"Co'se they didn't after she'd gone
down thar an tuck up a lot of doggone
fool notions. They'd a suited well
enough If it hadn't been for that she
lowed she'd got to have one Of them
white shirt fellers or she couldn't new
er be happy. It's that dad burn college
done it ALL"
"Still, HI, edlcation's a pow'ful good
thing"
"Not for gal. it amt"
"Why"
"Waal, she amt got no use for 1t. an
It's Jest plumb shore to make fool Of
her. Lord, a man, even, don't need so
awful blame much edicatlon to git on
all right"
"You think so?'
II know 1t. Take myself. for In.
stance. amt never had no edlcation
to speak of. yit see how sot on to that
jury that time. managed bout run
min that court jest as we'll as any of
them fellers down thar. lf feller's
got it In him. he can git up in the world
even If he amt got no book rarnin."
Lord a-massy," Turner exclaimed.
'speakin bout settin on to a jury
minds me of somethln."
what Is itw Jason asked.
"Why. If Sims ever ketched they'll
have to git jury to try him. an dun
no but likely enough I'll git chance to
set on It,"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-05-29

To SET TYPE BY TELEGRAPH.-If
some midwestern papers are credible,
young 1owan named Frank D. Peahe,
has invented a machine that will set
type by telegraph at a thousand miles
range. Several telegraph corporations
are reported to be negotiating for the
use of the invention, which may revolu-
tioniZe telegraphy and effect great
economy in time and money on the big
daily papers.
Il expect to perfect my machine and
use it in connection with the Mergen-
thaler typesetting machine" says the
inventor. I'm a short time 1T will be
possible to send message from New
York to Chicago and put it into type
without the assistance of an operator
at the receiving end or a typesetter.
Four distinct parts make up the ap-
paratuS which does the sending and
printing the message. The sender is q
keyboard which has electric wires con-
nected with each key and is similar in
appearance to the keyboard of any
writing machine. At the receiving end
are selecter, and intermediate switch,
and the portion OF the typewriter
which does the printing.-NeWspa-
perdom.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-05-29
MORGAN on DEMOCRACY.

From an interview with Senator Nor
gan, Of Alabama, in the New York
Times:
The idea recently advanced that the
elimination of the Negro is going to
give birth to q new Republican party
in the South Is not based on an under
standing Of the real sentiments Of our
people. It is assumed that we are coop
cred together by the Negro question,
brass-bound with hoops lightly clinch-
ed and that when the Negro is removed
the slaves will shrink, the hoops fall
off and the whole thing go to pieces.
The intelligent men of Alabama vote
their convictions. I know Of no man
who Is a Democrat merely on account
Of the Negro. There are some Republi-
cans who can vote with us on state mat
ters, for respectability's sake and for
the protection Of their families and
their business; but they vote the Re-
publican National ticket and main
tain their party loyalty. The elimina-
ton Of the Negro will enable these men
to vote for Republican state officers
without sacrificing their self-respect.
Democrats will still be Democrats, and
Republicans still Republicans. The
Democracy Of Alabama Is based on rea-
son-is a matter of political philosophy.
1t has a certain definite creed, as re-
ligion, and our people do not look with
favor upon any departure from it,
whether it be towards the doctrines Of
the Republicans, Of Populists or any
other not strictly and to the letter those
of Democracy. They are extremely
sensitive in their faith.
The vote of Mr.. Bryan fell off In
Ala bama at the recent presidential
election, and that is easily accounted
for. 1t was not that they did not like
Mr.. Bryan, or that they doubted his
sincerity; but many thought that he
wanted to engraft into the creed some
thing that had not been there before
something that was not Democracy;
but was designed to render the creed
acceptable to those who were not DEM
ocrats whom he would make his allies.
There were some who would not accept
this even from Mr.. Bryan, who thought
they could see Mr.. Bryan standing
with one foot on the platform Of De-
mocracy and one foot in the mud.
Democrats who thought thus remained
at home and did not vote. Among
such people you may not look for con-
verts to weaken it's Democracy.-St.
Louis Republic.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-05-29
8liseellaneults 8eadiag.
DREAMERS.


If were Pierpont Morgan
And you were Hetty Green,
We'd corner all the bowers,
We'd make the sunshine ours,
And I would crown you queen
Upon a throne Of flowers,
If I were Pierpont Morgan
And you were Hetty Green.
SHE.
If you were Pierpont Morgan
And I were Hetty Green,
In dismal days and sunny
We'd just keep making money
And stacking it between
Our happy selves, my honey,
If you were Pierpont Morgan
And I were Hetty Green.
s.. E. Kiser in Chicago Record-Her
aid
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-05-29

Continued on Fourth Page.)
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-05-29

TO BE CONTINUED.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1901-08-16
SERIOUSLY HURT.
Miss Iva Patterson Struck on the Golf
Links at St Cloud.

The st. Cloud Journal Press gives
the following particulars of an unfor-
tunate occurrence which will pain the
many Mankato friends of the parties
'While playing golf on the links
west of the city last evening, Miss Iva
Patterson of Mankato sustained a
severe injury. J. G. Cotton, who was
driving struck her on the forehead
with his driver, the hard wood MAX
ing wound as painful as it is uncom-
Portable. The flesh of Miss Patterson s
forehead was laid open to the bone
just over the eye by the terrific blow
and she bled profusely. She was
brought to town by G. H. Barden and
later driven to st. Rapheal's hospital,
where a physician sewed together the
severed parts, the operation requiring
six stitches. Miss Patterson pluckily
refused an anesthetic and bore the try
ing ordeal bravely. She is at the
home of her sister, Mrs. Cotton, and
it is hoped by the attending physician
that the wound will not prove per-
manent Disagreement.