davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
DNE DOLLAR PER YEAR.
BREVITIES OF FUN.

~ : ( Il Z + $3.50
What 4 boy hears oftener than any
thing else: Now, yon sit down and
behave yourself. Golden Days.
AIS Well That Ends Well. Timid
Lady Are people ever lost in this
river?" Boatman n 0, na'am;; we
always find them in q day ortWo. -
Fun.
Merchant gu look as if you
nlightltake d drink occasionally" Ap-
plieant-I do when it's necessary.
when do you considerit necessary?
aWhye whenever / feel The need
Of il. Philadelphia Record.
Missis Isn't that the postman,
Mary? Who's gone to the door?"
Mary Please, ma am, cook has,
Missis Well, what's she such long
time for?" Mary PLEASE, ma'am, 7
think it must be postcard Pick
Me-Up.
The Tramp Give us chance,
guy'norl / bin follerin' yer fer 'alf
an hour, reckonin you couldn' smoke
yer cigar too short wiz mushtarsher
like that. An now, blow me, if you
amt goin' to finish it.in your cigar
'olderr Glasgow Evening Times.
Stranger Whose place is that
over there:?o Natiye That's the
new mansion Of one Of our sugar re-
fners." Stranger .Ah! another
shouse built upon sandro Native
"Say, rather, on the rocks that he
made out of sand Catholic Stand
ard and Times.
Jeremiah Day Did v git tn best
O Parson Brownlee in thet last hosst
| dicker?" Reuben RaWhide 4 aas,
my hoss is alive es yit, an [ heerd thetI
| tn critter I sMapped tn parson died
last night. Dunm'd ef I think mine'll
| pull thru tn day, though. : Ohio
State Journal.
Z own up, judge, I hit him with .
picket I snatched from fence, and
he curled up like sick caterpillar
sSWhat had he done that tempted you
to commit this assault?0 Judge, he
was trying to figure out to me how
much John d. Rockefeller's income
was a minute ? Discharged.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
THE RUBBER BAND.
Big Trade in Very Little Article Carries
On IN GnItsd States

;s5s
.sThe little elastic rubber band that
is nowadays used ii various businesses
IN place of tWine seems assinple sort
OF thing, but there are few, # any, Of
the multitude Of small articles made
out of rubber for Whichthere is suel
an enormous demand, especially IN
the United States, remarked
wholesale dealer ii rubber bands ID
New York to writer for the u ash.
ington Star the other day. { III this
country the number Of rubber bands
sold IN one year amounts to about
100000 gross, or 81 ,oo0, ,o00s single
bands. At least go per cent. Of the
goods are made il New York and the.
rest are produced IN factories located
in New jersey and New England. In
New York there a half dozen factories
devoted partly Or exclusively to the
manufacture Of rubber bands
The process by which the bands.
are made IS simple. The rubber in
a liquid state is nodded into tubing
Of sizes suitable for forming the small
and medium varieties of bands. When
the tubing is ready for use it is put
into a rapid-running machine having
knives which cut or slice the rubber
into bands The larger bands are cut
BY machinery from flat sheets Of rub
Der and joined together with the aid
Of heat and a pressing machine
Rubber bands are made IN only.
two colors, black and brown. They
range in size from one-q quarter Of an
inch to six inches in length The
smallest bands are sixteenth ofan
inch wide and tile largest are Il
inches wide. The smallest bands are
worth "A cents per gross, while the
medium sized ones sell at from 48 to
96 cents per gross wholesale. Larger
sizes cost from one dollar up to SIX
dollars per gross.
ssThe greatest consumers Of rubber
bands are druggists and groeers They.
use the smallest and medium sized
bands in place Of twine for putting
up small packages The large fat and
expensive bands are used BY court Of
fcers, lawyers, bankers and mer-
chants for fling documents and pa
pers No rubber bands are imported
into this country. but few American
rabber bands are ported to the West
Indies and South American eoun-
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
On TAKING RISKS.
A Sensible Opinion on Question That
Puzzles Many Young Men.

Goethe says that there are three es-9
senfial elements of any strong and
moving story. It must illustrate en-
terprise, It must involve the ineurrlng
of peril and it must result in the
achievement Of success. on cannot
make anything moving or heroic out
of the lives of men who took no risks
and always sailed SO near the shore
that they could easily swim to land IN
the event Of disaster to their craft.
Mr. Beeeher used tosay that the most
dangerous thing that happens to any
man is coming ngsinto the world at all,
but, having come, and being here at
all. you find yourself in conditions IN
which there areno dead certainties.
You simply have to act, with your
best Judgment, upon the light you
have, and take the consequences. A
young man who has fair position
and a good outlook asks whether he
is justified in marrying the girl Of his.
choice before he has saved several
thousand dollars. We have no
hesitation, says the Boston Watch
man, in answering that question.
Minimize the risk ofleaving your wife
penniless at your death by taking out
a reasonable life insurance in a sound
company, and then marry, thanking
your stars that the woman Of your.
love believes in you SO as to trust her
self to you. Take each other for bet
ter or worse, and then set to work
with all your powers, so that the Wonl-
an who gives herself to You shall look
back to the wedding day with joy.
There will be disappointments and
griefs. There may be heartbreaking
sorrows and crushing defeats. There
are no losses that are irremediable ex-
cept the breakdown of character, and
that is IN your own hands. Do not
take the step with a timid, forecast
ing mind, but with the cheerfu1ness
that is the invariable accompaniment
of true courage, and hand in hand go
forth to take and share whatever life
may bring.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
TURKEYS QUEER ARMY.
For Many Centuries IT'S Best Troops
Were Formed of Captiyes.

Were Formed of Captiyes.
Sultan Orkhan Of Turkey first or
gained the body Of troops known as
Janazaries about A. D. 1880, from
captiyes taken from the Christians.
They were educated with the greatest
care, and al first were about ]. 1.000in
number and served as the bodyguard
Of the sultan but they were later aug
mented to a corps Of 100, 900, and in
the shock Of battle were reputed ire
sistible. The history Of the Janazaries
is full Of eonspiraeies, assassination
Of sultans and atrocities of every kind.
In fact, for centuries they we're more
dangerous than all the sultan's for
eign enemies. All llattemptst TO reform
them were unsuccessful until NAH
mond IL, in 1926, suppressed one of
their reTolts BY executing $4,000 Of
them, exiling 20, 600 more and issuing
q proclamation forever dissolying the
january forces. Woman's Home
COMPANION.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
Remarkable Discovery.

The homeopathic principle Of like
cures like is sreporfed to hayehad an
extraordinary demonstration at Chi
cago. An electrician there is said to
have shown IN the presence Ct sew
eral physicians that cat killed by an
electric shock could be restored life
IN a few minutes BY the application Of
an alternating current of low power
He claims that a human being killed
BY electricity could be restored il the
same way if the application is made
within few minutes.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
LOSING WEIGHT.
q All Right if at the Same Time You
Gain Strength

Some time ago a patient said to me:
Doctor, I don't know whether ] am
gaining Or not; T have lost several
pounds IN weight since { have been
here" / told him he need not feel
worried about that, and asked him:
How about your strength? e sIhaye
gained 500 pounds in strength"
aThat is a great deal better than it
would be to gain SO pounds il weight,
or any amount in weight. Il you are
gaining instrength, never mind about
the weight; you are getting rid Of eff
fete or residual matter, which is idle
matter dead weight.
I saw a man the other day who
weighed $50 pounds, when his normal
weight should have been 150 pounds;
that was simply 200 pounds dead
weight, which was the same as car
rying around with him man weigh
ing 200 pounds-a free boarder who
was doing nothing atall.
Fat makes a good oyercoat IN the
winter; il is warm, but It is not indis-
pensable. Strength is the first thing
to consider. # you have lost 20
pounds ii weight, and at the same
time gained IN strength, you should
consider it an evidence that you are
better, because it is an indication that
your assimilation has improved, that
your stock Of stored-up energy is i'm
proved; that your nutritiye processes
are all on higher level. II your sys-
tenn can do such a hard and impor-
tant thing as to increase your
strength, improve your nerve tone, it
can certainly dosueh B little thing az
to lay on fat when It is snecessary. In
order to do that, simply stop using en-
ergy, and that same material will be
deposited as fat. Youare now using
up your fuel instead of storing It. ii
you find yourself losing in strength,
however, you should consult your
physician about It'll. W. johnson.
in Popular Science.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
INDIAN HUMOR.
Flag Drill Was Not in Accord with
Tribal Customs.

Tribal Customs.
A teacher IN an Indian school in
Michigan writes as follows: 1T is
very interesting to study these chill
dren, especially as we have them from
four differenttribes and ] should very
much like to write up my impressions,
only that | can scarcely keep up with
my work as it is. These boys have
a sense Of humor. Inmy flag drill last.
Friday the partners were boy and
a girl, and where the lines intersect
to form the cross | taught the boys to
let their partners go first, and hard
trouble I had to doit, too. After the
exercises Isaac Crane came up to me
and in his solemn way said: Miss
B, in letting the girls pass in
front Of the boys you have struck at
the root of an Indian national Gus
TOM | said: How 50. Isaac? and
he answered: Tt Is the custom for
the man to go first, carrying his Dig
nifty, and for the woman to follow,
carrying everything else. Wash
ington Star. i
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
HE HAD TO BE CAREFUL.
Man Who Could Not Afford to Play tbs
- Heroic Role


Save me- save me! she cried, as
her head rose above the water and she
grasped plank floating by.
e beg your PARDON, he replied
from the bank; but really I wantit
distinctly understood that I'm a mar
ried man with seven children
es, yes; save mel she shrieked.
Then there'll be no falling into
my arms and calling me preseryer,
Will there
Oh, no. no!
And you won't persist il marry
ing me for my heroic conduct n
No, no; only save mel
All right. I'll tackle the job, he
responded, as he threw aside his coat.
on see, he explained, Just before
diving ii, y was caught BY one Of
these dodges once before, and that's
why I'm married it makes me a bit
particular now London Tit Bits.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
LIES cHANeeFuL SEA.


Love, we'll sail life's changeful sea,
You and l together,
Facing fortune cheerily.
Fright or stormy weather.
What, though wintry skies forecast
Sudden storms appearing,
Sure, Wen weather safe the blast.
Love, our heimsman, steering.
What, though black and troublous skies
Hide each star from showing
III the heaven of your eyes
Loves beacon still is glowing.
Or upon bright summer seas,
Where soft gales are signing,
We will dream of Isles of peace,
In loves light ever lying.
So, well sail life's changefui sea,
You and 1 together.
Facing fortune cheeriIy.
Bright or stormy weather.
Pacific Monthly.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
Gold in Asia.

It is the opinion Of experts that the
opening of China and Siberia will dis
close large deposits Of gold, and that
Asia after awhile viii furnish large
part of the world ! sup ].
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
Reporting His Own Burglaries.

a professional burglar in Berlin
found 4 new and original way Of add
ing to the ordinary profits Of his pro-
fession. After each burglary he sent
d full account of it to one of the daily
newspapers, and for this he received
payment in the usual way. But be
tried his plan once too often. The
editor became nspieious and gaze IN
formation TO the police, who soon
found how this amateur reporter was
able to beat al rivals III tile way off
early information
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
Trivial Cause of War.

Capt Robert jenkins, the master
Of d sloop trading from Jamaica, was
IN 1888 boarded BY Spanish vessel
and barbarously treated. Going to
England, he appeared before the bar
of the house of commons and exhib.
tied an ear which he alleged was his
own, and he asserted that the Span
iards had cut it off. Edmund Burke
declared the whole thing d fable, but
Poultney, Pitt and Wyndham used
the incident as political capital, and
it was finally the cause Of a deeIara-
ton Of war against Spain.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
Luminous Potatoes.

The common potato, when decon-
posing, gives light enough to read BY
light 50 vivid that once cellarat
strasburg was thought to be On fire
when shining with the phosphoTes-
ence of dee0nposing potatoes.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN
Scientist Surprised at Antiquity Of What
He Thought a Yankee Invention.

g{5 ~.
Z am more and more. convinced as
my years pass along that there is
nothing new under the sun, OBJ
served a well-knoWn scientist of
Washington to Star reporter.
though I am also free to admit that
F it took me many years to get away
from the idea that the world was be-
ing crammed full Of absolutely new
things every day. It is remarkable
how old many things arc that We con-
tinually refer to as modern. But my
latest discovery, which / made when
in Egypt last fall, has done more to
convince me that we are nofsuch won
derful beings after all than almost
anything else. just prior to- leaving
this country I had lnysresidence here
modernized to some |e1telatin the way
Of its plumbing, and incidentally I
got into a conversation with one of
the plumbers as to the origin Of the
single-linked chain which is used to
hold the plugs for bath tubs and
wash basins and fushes. Theplu1nb-
er admitted that hedid not know any
thing about the origin of the chain
with its peculiar link, but yentured
the opinion that it was the invention
Of some ! ankee, and that he thought,
in view Of tsyery extensive use, that
there must have been barrels of
money in it for theinyenfor. knew
even less on the subject, but had
sense enough 10 keep my mouth
closed. am now glad / did. On ar
irving at Cairo I visited the museum
there, and the first thing that caught
my eye was gold chain, the mannfac-
ture Of which was identical with the
plumbers chain Of to-day Looking
into the subject, I found enough to
show that it was not a Yankee inyen-
ton, but was about the first form Of
chain ever put in use. The specimen
SAW at Cairo was a gold chain which
bad been worn by some prince or
princess 6,o00 years ago Pretty old
for d new invention, ism II p
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
Chinese Censorship.

The censorship is q very real thing
ii China. There, anyone who writes
an Objectionable book is punished
with 100 blows Of the heavy bamboo
and banished for Life.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
when women Go shorplng.

Milliners say sore women think
and Sslook around, three weeks be-
fore buying a hat. AtchiEon Globe.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
Placa "a Maks Matches.

Sulphur springs ought ID BE- good
places for matehmakers. Ghlcage
Daily News.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
"A Board Of Education.

The blackboard is the original
board Of education ,hieago Daily
News.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
Beginning TO Grow Old

When a man past 40 hears the word
smiddle-aged," he SHES like d town
horse when it sees a harvesting ma
chine.Atehison Globe.
St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1901-05-11
THE HOMING PIGEON.
1t Is Supposed 10 Have a Sense Of Di-
rection.

)
For lack Of other explanation Of
the homing pigeon remarkable
power Of finding lis way 70 its cote
from distant points some scientists
have fallen back on the assumption
that the bird possesses special sense
of direction, says the Chicago Amer
lean
4 has not been proved that the
.homlng pigeon has any special sense e ass
organ of this kind, but certain obser
vations point strong gly 10 the existence
of the sense itself.
IN d case recently reported two.
pigeons returned from a distance of.
223 miles, under very sala us ual condf-.
tions They had been reared to the
age of three years and half in Paris
and had never been exercised. Then
they were taken to the PeTigord dis
triet, where theiE owner, to make sure
of attaching them to their new home,
shut them mp with other pigeons for
! 80, ...g 8. 1s.s { - el,, { Il
~ .. e ae'l''ttst ~ - af
~ - .,s4l - - l1...' 60 -
.aad -. 80 - = i :, voc
slaa LII LII s.osa - - i tliG ;bal :
ssf.ln m, eosi1 So = . .lssl
= plouuiils li plssen ,s nea IVY - - : !
s.h 49, a.l = T., e.;, e.nsi aoiiu M ~
20 !, = - ols ! rs - q. =.
ll's ! = 80 ~ ! - 1lssl ! $ - 9.
LIZ, ~ i @ 80 :, 'al.ss e soa - : -
. + ~ s. ! 4l;rbt i.s tba adrancea j
= : - :. 8 s s. { : = -
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-11-03
THE KAISER AND THE TRUSTS
He Says the Principle of Commerce
 is. Dangerous.


 New York. Nov. 2.-M. Pierre de Segur gives highly interesting account In the current number of The Revue de Paris of the reception given by the Kaiser on board the Hohen2ollern to party or French tourists at Odde. says The Her sation with us. writes NJ. DeSegur' was chiefly about America. To him there IS menace for the future in the colossal trusts, so dear to the Yankee mlllloh- aire, which tend to place an industry or an international exchange in the hahus of a single individual or group or lhdl- Viduals.
 Suppose he said in substance that a Morgan succeeds in combining uIq9r his flag several of the oceanic ines lie does not occupy any official position Tn his country outside of the influence ue- rived from this wealth. It would there- fore be impossible to treat with nm II IL should happen th%t an international incl dent or a foreign power were lnVoiVta m his enterprise, and neither Wonlo II pc possible to have recourse 10 the stdte' which. having no part in tne ousiTtss, IFS could decline any responsiplllty' IneIi to whom could we turn?
 Tn order to obviate this danger, the Kaiser foresees the necessity or IotIhihs TOT III, a European customs union asdlHst tue United States or similar lines 10 tne SoH- tinental blockade devised by Nspuleon . ! against England in order to saLe u''l U the interests and assure the freedom or continental commerce at the expense Of America's development and he decIared to us without circumlocutlon thSt ln Suct an eventuaitv England would pc IoIVtu to chose an alternative of two apsolutely opposite policies-either to aonere Io tnS blockade and place herseu om tne @ sue ,1l ol to join the latter against the po"slS oi the continent
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-11-03
RELIEVED HIM INNOCENT.
Priest Declares Council Not Guilty
 of Criminal Assault.

Fayetteville, N. C., Nov. 2.-Louis Council, who, it is alleged, committed a criminal assault on Mrs. James West was hanged in the jail here today in the presence of twenty-six persons. Just oe- fore the black cap was adjusted Father Marion. the prisoners spiritual adviser, asked of Council, Are you innocent or guilty" Taking the cross in his hand Council replied. Before God and man I am innocent. The priest re-took the cross, and holding it aloft said: Before this assemblage, and in spite of Governor Aycocks action. l declare Louis Council an innocent man."
 Sheriff Burns at this moment sprung the trap, but the rope broke and the body of the negro rolled to the floor beneath, Another rope was secured and the man with wonderful nerve walked into the trap again. This time the rope held, and the negro was dead in few minutes.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-11-03
ROOSEVELT WILL ATTEND.
The President to Visit the Charles
 ton Exposition.

Charleston, S. c. Nov. 2.-Advces from Washington tonight convey the intelligence that President Roosevelt has accepted the in- vtation of the South Carolina Interstate and West Indian Exposition to attend the expo sition on Wednesday, Feb. 2, Lincolns birth day.
 Before leaving Washington. the special mittee from the exposition called the mem- bers of the cabinet and extended to each of them special invitation to accompany the President to Charleston. It is underst tood that Mrs. Roosevelt and all the ladies of the cabi- net will attend the exposition with the Presi- dential
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-11-03
MIR. M'KINLEY's AMBITION.
Desired Only to Be Known as the President of the Whole People.

Washington Nov 2-In his new book. "On the Great Highway" which appeared today. James Crtelman, after describing the doath-bed of President Mckinley. says that when he last visited the White House, Mir Mckinley said:
 My one ambition is to be known as the President of the whole people. l have no other desire than to win that name. After all, no American can harm his country without harming himself. This Government was created by the people for themselves, and night or day that thought is always in my mind. We are all together in this great political experi- ment. Some hard things have been writ
The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-11-03
A SENSIBLE YOUTH.

Poets may sing and essayists may write about the heart in connection with love, but the stomach mustn't be left out of the calculation. Sentiment is all right in It's place, but appetite holds a winning hand in many cases. David carrick de- clares that Heaven sends us good meat. but the devil sends cooks" which cynical line was probably written after he had tried to eat badly cooked roast.
 Recently a young German couple ap- piled to New York magistrate to be married, and the youthful swain thus gave his reasons for loving the girl:
 Id vas a case of lofe ad der f1rsd din- ner. I go py her house undt board init her ladder. She coog der dinner undt i'd vas such a lofely cooging dot 1 foll in lofe righdt away alretty.
 There spoke the honest and sincere male animal. Not a word about lovely cheeks, divine form. angelic sweetness and ravishing manners. Probably the girl didn't know the difference between Wagner and Won Moltke. and couldn't distinguish a sonata from a cavalry call. She may not know anything about style, and may care less, and it is quite possible that she has never shone at pink teas and other social functions. but she understands ''cooging'' and that hit young Hans right where he lives. His heart may be principally stomach, but it is in the right place.
 Some may be disposed to laugh at the young mans reason for failing in lofe right away alretty," but his head is de- cidedly level. When he comes in from work, he may not hear piano or catch the eye of an exqui;itely- y-dressed parlor ornament, but he will sit down to some ''lofely cooging," and the wife who pre- pared the. dinner will be more attractive to him than would jewelled fairy pre- siding at a table on which was scorched meats and soggy bread. Hans chose well, for a fact.