Mower County transcript., 1901-10-09
FARMER Ben COLUMN. |.

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kinds 81 extra long sermons has gone
opt Of date. Folks that can 90 ito. =
| theatre show and sit three hours and
not say word about gettin' weary,
will begin to wriggle ID church By
the time the preacher gets TO his
secondly. Time was when Farmer
Ben was q youngster when we had
the real stuff in the way Of long ser.
mons when father Welch, white
haired but good-lunged j. would strike
in for discourse of an hour and a
half and get up into the tenthlies.
II was kind Of hard for. little boys to
keep awake alwus but we was In good
company for we used to catch deacons
Arthur Latham and Benoni Whipple
noddin' sometimes under the soporitic
sermons, Sermons in those days was
film. The preacher was. the main
source OF high information in lots Of
places and was looked up to as he
fought to be nowadays. But nowadays
the folks in the pew. are wide and
deep readers and students and they
think independently on current
things and they don't need so much
informin'. And thatis why preachers:
can't turn off any second hand
thoughts acceptably any more. 1T is
just as we'll, reckon, and the
preacher that dishes up the truth hot
and lovin'@ and short and direct and
simple and accordin' TO Scriptur' gets
the most ears: -,
z don't mean to show disrespect to
the clergy but tell you some Of them
that get hold preachin' funeral dis
courses ought. to keep within the ten
mile limit. 1 aiD't sayin' anything
|a9ainst confortin' the mourners: The
Lord knows they need it bad enough,
with their hearts and homes so lonely
land desolate and bereft, but it don't
take two hours to do all the comfort:
in they will contain. It is bad
enough when all the congregation can
get indoors and get seated but when
they hav to stand out in the bleak
weather, their legs get tired and their
| minds get sweary like. I knew a
funeral once where some of the
Hodges had to stand out pretty near
1.-TWO hours a waitin' for a long -wtnded
lpreacher to come to. a conclusions.
/ Farmer Ben amt any business to
presume and assume to advise gentle
men So far above him, but he just
throws out a hint on the side very
hum bly, and falterin'ly. He knows
what he is talkin' about and when
sorrow comes into his home and
heart, he wants the preacher to ma ke
it short and soothin' and quit at the
right point.
What kind Of dude army hav the
British down ia South Africa, any
how. I see by, orders just issued by
the commandant that he has learned
that the mobile forces are carryin'
with them on their treks down there
furniture, kitchen ranges, pianos and
harmonious and the like. Well, I'll
be swolgozzled. No wonder they get
licked. Why, just think of when
Farmer Ben and the rest OF the boys
under Sherman swung off to make the
famous march to the sea how nicely
they could hav made the trip il they
had taken along furniture, ) kitchen
ranges and pianos. just think Of the
l;comfort the boys would hav taken in
camp ii they had their beds along and
could hav cooked ,vittles on range
Iand: while away the tedium4 of even
ing and Sundays BY the sweet notes
of the plano. just think OF. how they
could doublequiek across Georgia with
ALL this truck as baggage. i It, will
pretty near kill the British soldiers to
deprive 'em of all these necessary
articles. l suppose that when the
Beers attack lem suddenly on the
march, they can get behind kitchen
ranges and pianos and hav perfect
| ho1Po DatiOn xuhon