Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1901-03-16
DELIRIUM OF GRANDEUR

lumbia Heights man who has. lived IN
Washington all his life, that the most stu
pendous liar I ever met up with was a
Washington man. This story's a little bit
on me. but I'm going to tell it all the same.
I was raised right alongside of this CO.
lossal falsifier over In Georgetown, where
We were both born about the same time.
We went to school together. He wasn't q
liar at that time, so far as can recall.
but he certainly did pick up heap.
He went to New York about ten years
ago. and. being bright and clever. he
caught on pretty well with big stock
brokerage firm over there. After getting
on to the stock business he opened a bucket
shop about seven years ago. and probably
did pretty well at It, But it's % to ! that
he never did one twentieth as well as he
said he did.
II hadn't seen this chap for a good many
years when l took my wife over to New
York to look around during the summer Of
30. Then l met him on the street. He
was logged out to the mines, and he GER
tainly looked the part of money. He
dragged me down to his bucket shop to i'm
press me with what big people he was.
Then he began to tell me the most extra
ordinary stories. Said that he'd just re-
turned from little flying trip to Eng
land and that while he was over there he'd
met Cecil Rhodes, who'd taken a mighty
fancy to him, and wanted him to go into
partners with him in the South African
business. This looked a bit queer, but 1
congratulated my boyhood chum on his
rise in the world, nevertheless. Asked
him, in fact, why he didn't accept Rhodes
offer, and he replied. with lot of mean
Ing, that he had bigger deals on foot. Told
me that he was thicker'n thieves with
Russell Sage and j. Pierpont Morgan and
that gang. and said that he certainly want
ed me to meet them all before returning to
Washington. l said 1 didn't mind. Now,
L COulQnt reason whV he should
lie to me, for I wasn't possible investor
IN any stocks or bonds, or anything like
that. and SO really thought that this
Georgetown boy had made big climb in
the world and won out handsomely.
By the way said he to me when was
ready to go. how long are you and your
wife going to be in town.
oh, couple Of weeks more said 1.
"Well I'm just delighted to hear that
said this pal of my boyhood. 'Tickled to
death. in fact. Want you and your wife to
nave bit of cruise in my yacht-a
beauty. by the way; heard Of her? No?
She's called the Minerva-a babe, my boy,
a babe-214 feet long over the water line.
and fitted up something sumptuous. Now
I'm going to take little ride in her down
the Jersey coast next Wednesday-be gone
ly to have you and your wife accompany
me as my guests. There'l be few others
Now, don't tell me that you can't come
"'Great Scott! said I to myself, but
hooks over heren
81 said that I'd be glad to fetch my wife
along for the cruise.
Good said he. Let's see-this is Sat-
| urday. Well, you be down at the foot Of
the 22d street pier on the East river at 1
O'Clock next Wednesday afternoon, Ell? All
right. Good. Now be sure and come
Goodbye
well. I'd never had "a cruise on a fine
yacht in my life, and this looked NICE for a
fact. When 1 went to the hotel and told
my wife about 1t she nearly had connip-
ton fit with joy.
Wont it be just lovely" said she, and
she began to plan right away about yacht
ing suits. / think we spent about S1S5 in
getting sea toggery for that cruise down
the Jersey coast. I mentioned the cruise,
number of Washington fellows knew over
in New York, and was a trifle puzzled to
observe that they only smiled in a dreamy
kind O way, but l attributed their dreamy
smiles to jealousy.
''WeN, diked out in our yachting clothes.
and with a couple of steamer trunks piled
on top of the carriage, my wife and were
driven down to the 22d street pier, East
ing Wednesday. Our eyes weren't RECALLED
by the sight of any long, low, rakish grey
hound of the deep, but we figured that
perhaps the Minerva hadn't got into her
slip yet. The slip however, was very
amply occupied by large pleasure barge.
which was tied up and deserted. 1t looked
odd 1 made some inquiries, and none OF
the men around the dock had ever heard
of the Minerva We waited there until z
O. clock, and then began to get suspicious.
By this time my wife was more than sus-
picious. She was Tuning. l got to think
ing about those Cecil Rhodes and ]. Pier
pont Morgan and Russell Sage stories, and
1 didn't so much know about that boyhood
pal of mine from Georgetown. At o'clock
we decided to go down town to the young
mans office. At half-past 2 we walked in
!, in, hit Ia
l have no doubt, queer enough figure on
our way.
well, my boyhood pal got as pale as
ghost at first when he saw us. But he
quickly recovered himself and flushed. My
wife, fear. glared at him a lot, but he
was a cool chap.
"'Well.' said 1. in what was probably a
pretty naughty tone, when are you going
to start on the Minerva?'
He rushed toward me with both hands
extended.
"'Great heavens. my boy" he exclaimed,
didn't you get my telegram
Telegram, nothing said l.
"'Why, come right outside here said
he, picking up his hat-his idea was to get
out of sight Of my wife. and: under the
circumstances, didn't blame him-'and I'll
tell you about it. Never got my telegram.
Ell? Too bad! too bad!
1--WE got outside in front of his Office. and
then he turned to me with the most serious
countenance in the world. and said. with
suppressed emotion:
"'Why. the id yacht blew up! wired
you of it,
"Oh, well: needn't go into details of the
line of conversation dished out to that
pal Of my youth In Georgetown, right then
and there. He looked real grieved while
told him things. and you'd have thought he
was the most injured man in the world.
THAT evening I saw some Of those WASH
fngton friends aforesaid who had smiled
dreamily when I mentioned my cruise on
the Minerva ! told EN- Of how out
rageously my wife and I had been imposed
upon. They remarked, drily. that the chum
of my youthful days had been suffering for
some years with an affliction known as the
delirium of grandeur. But they were a
whole lot too charitable. He was the most
monolithic liar that ever hit up q mac
adamized highway, and that's all there is
about it. We've got those yachting duds
yet, and the Gargantuan liar, I understand.
is now freight clerk for a railroad COM
pany out in st: Louis. He was too swift a
liar even for the New York crowd, and he
lied himself out of business. I'm sorry that