The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1901-06-19
n WASN'T A BLUFF.

CAAiNtAtNg
refectively chewed a straw, that these
here moonfaces that are always threatening
TO commit suicide hardly ever do it? Die
ever study the thing close enough to figure
1t out that the folks who actually chase
themselves over the big divide seldom or
never say anything about it in advanoeY
The old-time horseman's listener replied
that he had previously heard some such
ideas expressed, says the Washington Star.
Member one case particularly" went
on the old-time trainer, plucking long
blade of grass from The sod and eating 1t
with great evident relish. "Saw the be.
ginning and the end of it, and it sure did
| give me continuous chain of thinks. Tell
you how il was. happened to beer
looking on at little game Of faro bank in
Clark street plant in Chicago one night
about seven years ago, when whole pro-
| cession of the hurry chariots suddenly
| pulled up at the downstairs door, and about
two minutes later all of us in the room
were under the gun and informed that we
| were about TO become guests of Cook coun.
| ty at the Harrison street police station.
While none of us particularly enjoyed be.
ing invited to house party in just that
way, we didn't see any use in saying so to
the 30 or 90 eight-foot Swede cops who
blocked the entrance, and we went along
| III Lue bWlIb CdldSUeS 10 Tue lldTTlSOn BITeeL
police station without relieving ourselves
of any unnecessary conversation. There
were about Is of us, and we were spread
out separately in the vacant cells on the
ground floor. 1t was pretty late to send out
for friends to bail us out, but we all made
a try at it, anyhow, and some of the crowd
got out before morning. l didn't. None OF
the three or four pals that l sent TO could
be dug up by the messengers, and it was a
case of the long, hard board for the night
Well, 1 was Just as much in the habit then
of taking the game as 1t came as l am now,
and so stretched out and tried to get in
wink or two of sumber. But this wasn't
IN the cards. There was fellow in the
cell to the left of me who kept up the most
miserable moaning l ever heard in my life,
before or since. Over and over again he
whined that bis life was no good to him, and
that he just hankered to croak
"'Belay, there, you'll l finally yelled to
him. Shut up! What kind of pollywos
dye call yourself, anyhow? What's the
matter with bearing up and being man,
instead of keeping all hands back hers
awake all night? Pipe down and give US
restl'
''But the duffer paid no attention at all
to what I said. His lamentations were Sc
loud and excruciating that the keeper Of
the cells came around after awhile. The
keeper stood in front of the cell door and
surveyed the life-weary one for awhile, and
then he said to him:
"fYou only think you want to pass out,
Algy, but you don't. You're dead stuck on
living. You just love TO exist. If l handed
you four horse pistols loaded to the muz-
zles with slugs and nails, and three bowie
knives, and keg Of powder and box Of
matches, you'd creep over to the other end
of your little cell and just look at 'em. But
you wouldn't use 'em. I've heard several
millions of pfnheads like you groan before
Ii you'd accidentally cut the end Of you
thumb with bread knife you'd run eight
blocks to a Doctors and wind up there with
a face on you as white as sheet. The peo
pie that are dead anxious to shuttle off don't
play any overture before doing it. They
just plot their little scheme out and fol-
low it, Now, just dry up, there, will you,
and let these other cadets in here get
bit of sleep?'
"The whimperer didn't pay any attention
to the remarks Of the keeper, either. II
anything, he lamented louder than he had
before, and his refrain, repeated over and
over, was to the effect that there wasn't
anything in existence for him, and that he
wanted to die the worst way. His mum
DlnES DSCduG SO u0DedTdDlG dIb6T aWUlle
that the uproar filled all Of the cells. Men
cussed and derided the iellyfsh, but he was
not to be quoted. I fully agreed with the
keepers idea that the fellow really had no
desire in the world to cash IN his checks.
So, when an old trusty passed the door Of
my cell, / called TO him and handed him a
penknife.
"'Say,' said l TO the trusty, just hand
this to that zap next door to me, will you?
He says he's aching to go off on hunt for
another planet, and believe in giving folks
what they want. The big blade in this
knife is SO sharp that you could shave with
it. All he's got to do is to open vein, and
he won't have to be taken to court in the
ebon Marie in the morning, and, what's
a heap more important, some of us hobbled
in herell be able to get some rest. don't
believe, myself, that he's got any idea Of
terminating his bright and promising ca
reer, but maybe if you hand him in this
knife it'll make him so ashamed of himself
that he'll let up on that blubbering, and
there'll be some peace around here :.
well, the trusty grinned and took the
knife.
Say he replied, that one wouldn't
even give himself slap on the wrist, much
less assist himself over the murky range.
He's only cashing in a mum check for a
few dollars, and his nav is worth all kinds,
and she'll get him out tomorrow morning
as sure as shooting, and he knows it. He's
Just a case Of Percy Montmorency with
the weeps, and when hand him this pig.
sticker he'll let out one yell and collapse,
I'll bet my hall broom
1.-THE trusty then stepped to the door Of
the groaner's cage and called him over and
handed him the knife.
Just to pick your teeth WITH said the
trusty, sarcastically, and then he walked
away. Well, it looked as If it was going 10
come out just as had figured it, The groar.
er suddenly ceased his lamentations and
felt pretty certain that the knife had made
him feel cheap. I was pretty weary by that
time, and went to Sleep"
Here the old-time trainer paused and
plucked another blade of grass.
"Well," said the listener, che had been
numbering, of course"
"Huh?" said the old trainer, coming out
of the brown study into which he had re-
lapsed mot muoh had he Thev found