davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28
PITH N POINT.

Chemistry Master-"What happens
TO gold when it is exposed to the air.
Student after long reflectionl-"It's
stolen."-Tit-Bits
She-"There is nothing like n gOG
dinner to cheer one up, is thereE' H.
alarmed at her order)-"Well-er-it
depends upon who pays for it"''-Life
MY face is my fortune. sir, she said,
He rather doubted, though
She was a bakers daughter, and
Her face was full OF dough.
Philadelphia Record.
Johnnie, give me IN example of 4
combination of meaningless phrases
"Yes'm. a burglar-proof safe stood
in a ire-proof block" Cleveland
Plain-Dcaler.
Nervous Passenger-"Captain, what
would be the result if this boat should
strike an ~iceberg?" Captain 1T
would probably shiver its timbers.'-
The Smart Set.
The Doctor-"What you want, my
dear woman, is more exercise The
Patient-"Why. doctor, l get plenty
of exercise. Our house is filled with
micer'-Yonkers Statesman.
.Iack-"I saw a deaf-mute talking on
his fingers to a deaf-mute girl to-day"
Kitty-"What was he saying!" Jack
II love you more than words can
utter!l detroit Free Press.
Circus Manager-"What's all that
row in the dressing room?" Attend
ant-"Oh, the man who walks bare
foot on swords ran a splinter in his
foot."-Ohio State Journal.
The farmer gaily plows his land
And lifts his song anew;
"Wem raise a first class harvest and
Wen raise the mortage, too
Washington Star.
"What was the aus of the trouble
in the woman's club?" THE major
ity adopted q resolution limiting the
time of each woman for speaking on
any question to three hours. '-Leslie's
Weekly.
M3nnie-'So you are really going
to marry Fred? Did he tell you you
We're the only woman he ever loyed:'
Esther-"No; he told me hat l was
the only woman lie never told that
to."-Boston Transcript.
The Hosress-"You must he pre-
pared to take pot luck, captain, as Il
cook, being III saw to the'dinner my
self" The Guest-"Don't mention it.
-Four years campaigning has accus-
toned me to the very worst."-Brook-
Ign Life.
"No, indeed" said the eminent cor
netist, when asked if he had been ed
ucated by some master of the instru-
ment, Il never had a teacher. You
might say that through all my career
l have been my w tooter."-Balti-
more American.
ut is astonishing that a large for
tune shonld be left to him by a per-
son who had omy seen him once"
I'm my opinion 1t would hav~ been
more astonishing if it had been lett
to him after the person had seen him
twice."-Jewish Comment.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

sack for a nickel, remember! Get the
real California duplex, double-jointed,
bevel-edged. 1y-front peanuts, remem-
Der! They're fresh roasted! They're
nice and hot, remember! Takemalong.
Takemalong! Takemalong! The 1901
model with the ball bearings, remem-
Der; The only pneumatic peanuts sold
on the grounds to-day. Loosen up!
Loosen up! Buy peanuts for the Ia
dies. Bear in mind that these are the
stem-winding peanuts. A written
guarantee with every peanut, remem-
bert Come on! Come on! Get your
peanuts right here! Step right"
Bang! Bang-blng! Bang!
"Uh-wowi Uh-wow! Uh-wow-w-w"'
realize the immense RESPONSE
billty resting upon us as the I'M
| crowned sovereigns OF this incompara-
BILE domain? From where the pines
| of the North bend in the icy blasts of
an arctic winter to those tropical
| strands where the sweet magnolia fills
the soft air with its sensuous per
fume, and from the rugged Plymouth
rock on that bleak New England shore
| TO where the Golden Gate throws out
its mighty arms in hospitabie wei
come to a new world of commerce far
beyond the dancing waves of the Pa
| cihc. there comes Il great paean oil
| JOY. one majestic chorus that
Bang! Bingety-bang! Bang! Bang
| Bang Bingety-bang-bang! Br-r'r-r-r!
Two lunches at n time.)
"Uh-uh-uh-uh-wow-w-w! Uh-uh-uh
wow-w-w! Wowowow! Wowowow!
"Lemo! Lemo! It's a pure drink, re
member, Endorsed by leading physi
clans. 1t perfumes the breath ant
curls the hair, remember! Step RICH
mp, girls, and drink till you bust
Come on! Come on! Come on! Drink
'erdownl It'll cost you but a paltr!
nick, five cents, a picayune, a hal
dime, good people. We're here to-da!
and gone tomorrow. Come a runnin'
Drink 'er down.
the people, for the people an'
by the people shall not
Bling, Bing-bing-bing! Bang!
"A good cigar il you hit the bell
Who'll be the next
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

American owners, trainers, jockeys
and horses are getting many honors
and prizes in England, France, Aus
tria, Germany and elsewhere. James
r. Keene, William G. Whitney, Pierre
Lorillard and William X. Vanderbilt
are conspicuous among American
owners of thoroughbreds who have
seen their colors borne in triumph on
the turf outside of their own country.
And there are others, observes the
New York Tribune. Yankee dash and
spirit and enterprise in racing, as in
many other things, know no ocean
barriers, no obstacles of time or dis
lance. Few turfmen of any other land
have been bold and adventurous
enough to send great stables oversee
and to challenge the foremost foreign
breeders and owners on their own
grounds-in their own preserves, so to
speak.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28
PENIS GROVE, N. j., FRIDAY, JUNE %, 1901.


NONa w WV Va vi 49, "S'
"Oh, yes, we're selling a large pack
age Of the antiseptic peanuts for five
to-day! Not ten, but five! Remember,
good people, that these peanuts were
not made by a trust. Satisfaction guar
antecd, bear in mind, or money re-
funded as you pass out the door. Hey
wy! Come an get 'em. They're The
real Peruvian, homemade, rock-bal-
last, heavyweight peanuts, warranted
TO regulate the stomick and cure rheu-
matism.'
Bang! Bang! Bang!
indeed recreant to our trust II
we did not offer a willing and loyal
support at this crisis to that unselfish
patriot, that fearless statesman, that
intrepid leader of men, who now holds
the most exalted position within the
gift of mortal"
"Wow! Observation-Disclosures! Wow
wow-wow! Uh-wowi Uh-wow! Uh-
uh-uh-wOwow! Wowow! Wow!'
that glorious banner. whose
stars shall endure when the stars of
heaven have crumbled into nothing
ness and"
Bang Bang-bang! Bangety-blng-
bung! Bang! Bingety-bingety-bang!"
"Wow!! Wow!! Wowow!! Wow!!"
"Number-r-r eight! Next time you
ring the bell an then you git u good
cigar. Three for"
"-arching dome of heaven. Oh
h-h, fellow-citizens, may we not"
Wow! Wowow! Wow!'
"Oyes! Dyes! Dyes! They're the
self-raising peanuts, remember, with
out knot or blemish. A bushel for a
nick, good people. Fresh roasted, good
people. Dig up. Dig up! Buy your
| peanuts here. Come on! Come on!
Come onp'
"Tbe lemonade is five today, re-
member, five, five, five, five, five, five
cents! The large cold glass for a nick!
Hurry up! Hurry up! Unbelt! In
belt! Give the ladies a nice cold
drinkr'
Mines the number! You come
mighty near the hole that time. fryer
agln! Tryer agin! fryer again"
shall review with grateful mem
| DRY the Courageous"
"Wow-uh WOW! Wow-uh! WOW!
Wow-w-w! Wow-w-w!"
That's what they ali say-the best
they ever tasted. Come ont Come
on! The genuine Manila peanuts right
here, good people. A picture of AID.
miral Dewey inside of every peanut,
remember. Everybody this way!
Come on! We're closin' 'em out at five
q pack right here now-come on"
high on the scroll of fame in
that immortal list where shall remain
in im~perishable glory the names Of
-
"Wow-w-w-w! Uh-wow! Uh-wow!
Uh-wow!'
"He rings the bell and here's his
cigar. Now then, who's next, who's
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

Now Professor Pickering has discov-
cred, or thinks he has, that there is
snow on the moon. That writer of en-
tertaining fiction, Mr.. III. G. Wells,
long ago assured us of this, and no one
who has read his story of the Falling
Angel will doubt him to be a gentle
man of veracity. Our romancists in
variably beat our slower science. Jules
Verne knew all about submarine boat
building long before the Hollands
first plans. As to snow on the moon,
there is no reason why there should
not be some; it is far easier to believe
than green cheese.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

The absolute necessity of verifying
theories by the observation of facts is
beautifully illustrated again. A re-
cent issue of Science shows that the
sea lions, which have fallen into dis
repute with California fishermen be-
cause of their supposed fish devouring
habits, do not, as a matter of fact,
endanger the fishing industry at all.
A critical examination of the stom-
achs of twenty-five slaughtered sea
lions shows that they eschew fish al
together and live mostly on squids and
similar food,
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

lower end with a slide, so that the cir
culation can be controlled. Fresh air
may be admitted through the opering
In the rear at a, care being used to
place the opening SO as to prevent di-
rect drafts upon the animals. If the
cows face the feeding alley running
along the side next the main barn, Il
good place for the introduction of
fresh air would be at the end cf the
alley, say at b. During very cold
~v~Le" these onenlnGs may be closed
entirely. In ventilatiug through cnutps
one should be placed every twenty-five
feet throughout the length Of the barn.
American Agriculturist.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

1t is well, when somebody chatters
about the successful business men
who never went to college, to ask the
chatterer what those men are now
doing with their own SON Do they
send the boys into the shop or factory
or counting house at the age of ten or
twelve, or do they keep themin school,
and later in college, till they are well
grown UP?
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

New England people say that the
rage for antique furniture which has
been rampant during the past ten
years seems now to be dying out and
people are beginning to be willing to
look at furniture of modern convenient
styles. But the supply of genuine old
furniture possible to be obtained by
purchase from descendants of the
early settlers must have been pretty
well exhausted.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

"Wow.ow-ow! Wow! Wow-ow-ow!
(Small baby. rapidly becoming purple
in the face. Mother kneads 1t on her
lap and then losses it into the air in
order to reassure it, Wow-w-w-w!
Wuh-ow, Wuh-ow! Wow! Wow!
Vow
noted alike for their intelligence.
their public spirit and that enlightened
patriotism which,"
Come on boys! They're three for
five, remember! Three for five; Three
for five; Three for five! Three for five
cigar! Come on, boys! Come on an
-"
Bang! Bang! Bling! Boot! Prst!
Bung! Bang bang-bang! Bunch of fire
crackers under n barely
"WOw! Wow-ow-ow-ow-ow! Uh-uh-
ull-wow. Uh-wOw! Wowuh!" Same
baby.)
"-befitting that on this day Of days,
made sacred throughout all time by
that heroic declaration of our illustri-
Gus for~efathers, we should assemble to
do honor to those who founded this re-
public in strength and wisdom and at
the same time pledge TO each other
-"
"Lemo! Lemoi Lemoi It's five q
glass. remember, good people. The
cool. refreshing lemonade right here is
five Il glass, Five cents, a nick, a half
a dime, the twentieth part of Il dol
lar buys a large glass of the cool, re-
frcshing drink! oh. YES! Come on!
Come on! Come on! The pure juice
of the lemon, bear in mind. Too good!
Too good! Another soul made happy!
| Come on! It's five, five, five, five, five!
Hey-y-y! Come a %runnin'i Lemo!
Lemo. LemO!"
and in all seriousness, my fellow
| citizens, allow our thoughts, on this,
the glorious birthday Of national free
dom, to dwell upon those problems
which,
Bing-blng-bing! Bang! Boot! Bling
bang-bang-bang. Fsss Ia 'sizzer').
Bang! MISUNDERSTANDING,
"Wuh- uh-uh-uh'u h-uh-baby hold
ing its BREATH ow! Wow-ow-ow-ow!
w-wowow-wow
THAT'S the time you ring the bell
an git one o the Dewey %perfectos.
Yes, sir. the cigars all right. A nice,
free smoker. Come on, now! Come
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

News from Samoa shows that the Ger
mans are greatly wrought up over the adj.
vance OF Pago Page at the expense Of
Apia. The action Of the Oceanic Steam
ship Company in stopping at Pago Page
instead Of Apia angered the Germans, and
August Kunst, the millionaire planter who
bought Robert Louis Stevenson home,
NaiGma. has now put on a steamship line
between Apia and Honolulu. 1t 8 under
stood he will extend the line TO New ,Zea-
land. The growth of Page Pago has been
rand in the last six months, as all the ma
tiyes who can leave Apia have gone to the
Americanzied settlement, where the laws
and regulations are much more liberal
than those Of the German colony,
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

Oliver Wendell Holmes was nee
present at a gathering where he
CHANGED to be seated near the refresh
ment table, and noticed a little girl
looking longingly at the table. In
his kindly way he said: Are you hun
cry, my child?" She replied bash
fully in the affirmative. Then, why
don't you take Il sandwich he asked,
The little maid responded: Because
l haven't any fork" The autocra :
quoted smillngly: Fingers were made
before forks and TO his intense
amusement she answered: "Not my
tingersr'-Pall Mall Gazette.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28
The Windmill on the Farm.

The windmill has become a necessity
on farms. In proportion to cost =
gives more power and service than n
machine or implement on a farm. Not
only will a windmill pump water. but
Will also grind the grain, saw wood,
cut the coarse food and furnish power
for many other purposes. They have
been greatly improved, and are capa-
bic of doing much more than many
suppose.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

A bulldog was the hero Of a run
away accident at Morristown, How
ard Netheim was driving, having his
bulldog for a companion. The horse
became frightened at the cars and ran
away, throwing Mr., Netheim and the
dog out. The horse dashed UP the
street. followed by the dog. The rcinS
were dragging and the dog caught
them in his teeth and held on till he
stopped the horse. MI. Nathcim was
not badly hurt.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

The characteristics of a breed can be
fixed only by careful selection of the
best specimens year after year, in
breeding being resortcd to by breeders
in order to avoid o~ut-crosscs. 1t may
require half a century to bring a breed
to the desired position sought, hence
tlose who cross two different breeds
are liable to destroy the good qualities
of both.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28
A wireless telegraph station is to b.

A wireless telegraph station is to be
established on the Nantucket lightship
and another on the nearest point of
land. In this way 1t is expected that
vessels bound for New York City may
be reported at least twelve hours earl
Ter than they can be reported now
from Sandy Hook light.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

Here's another weapon that will
likely serve to deter other nations
from going to war. 1t is a revolver re-
sembling in shape a small carbir e.
1t was invented by a Swiss army Off
Ger, and will soon be issu.d to the
troops of that country. The weapon
has a bore of T.95 min, and fires forty
eight shots in twenty-eight seconds,
which are warranted to kill at 1000
Yards.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28
POOR JoNESYi

Last night by mereat chance ! TOOK
A faded blossom from a book,
And crushed beneath my clumsy feet
A thing that was so fair and sweet
Some twenty Mays ago.
One summer evening by the sea
NV hearts ideal walked on with me,
And from a bending briar vim
Broke off this blossom-truc loves sign
Some twenty Mays ago.
Sweet were the fields in fading light,
With roses closing for the night,
And sweet her promises made to me,
That summer evening by the sea,
Some twenty Mays ago.
All, well; ] go alone my way,
Content yet single, getting gray;
The light of love Tor me died down;
The blood-red rose has faded brown,
Since twenty Mays ago.
"And did she die" All. no; not she;
She married Jones and Tilted me;
She's loud and fat, OF fiery vim,
And Jones-poor dog pity him.
He leads a lie, you know.
Baltimore World,
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

The decomposed body Of Uriah La
rue, a huckster, aged fifty-1iye years.
was found in his h0u'~- - ''Ahh
4 mani miles west of Pennington, where
he lived alone. Runkle RCa called ut
the house, and when he found tho
doors locked, began an investigation,
which resulted in the discovery, 1t is
thought that Larue had been dead for
ten or twelve days. He had been
missing for about two weeks. but
nothing was thought of his absence.
There were no marks of violence upon
his body and Coroner Callan issued a
burial permit.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28
Relic of Old rirc-FtGhtine Days.

An old fire cistern. used q hundred
years ago, was uncovered at the inter
section of the two main streets in
Newark by workmcn who are laying
wire subways. The cistern or well
was three feet under the present grade
If Broad street. A wooden pipe, which
was nothing more than a hollow tree
trunk, led into the cistcrn, and there
was at least fifteen inches of clear,
cold water in the bottom of the well.
This was one of Il few ciStcrns built
expressly for the volunteer 1ircmcp of
ong ago. 1t was removed.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

duty? Why, fellow-citizens, we are
standing upon the threshold of one of
the most sublime epochs in the mag
nificent history of our imperial COM
%monwealth. With prophetic eye 1
glance along the glittering pathway of
the twentieth century and there ! be-
hold
"Get EN- hot! Get 'em hot! The big
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

During o thunder shower the house
Of John Nolte, near Mantau Grove,
was struck by lightning, and damage
was done in every room. Both Mr..
and Mrs. NOlte We're stunned and lay
UNCONSCIOUS for fully fifteen minutes,
but nelthe. could hear anything until
the following day. Mr.. Notes face
and hands were scarrnd.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

The Woman'S Protective and Village
Improvement Society, of Metuchen' IS
making trips out into the woods ana
cemeteries armed with axes and
knives to kill poison ivy. Mrs. Charles
Ayers is at the head Of the poison ivy
committee.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

The COW stable attached to the farm
barn owned by G. W. Emery may be
ventilated with a trap door over the
feeding alley or manger, or, better yet,
by a chute running from the ceiling
through the roof, as indicated in the
accompanying illustration.
This chute must be closed at the
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
FARM AND GARDEN,
EES~rrr~~~ET


Stock well wintered is half sum.
mered. When poorly cared for they
grow poor, and half the summers pas
ture is lost; by the time the summer is
ended such stock has just begun to fat.
ten nicely. Treat stock well for profits
sake and for humanity's sake.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

John Henry" said Mrs. cambridge
to her eldest son, on the morning of
the Fourth, "you must stay at home
today and rock the cradle"
"Why not let the skyrocketf" de-
handed John Henry, as he whizzed
through the doorway.-Harper's Boz
ar
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

In most Northern States the rush is
from country to town. In the South
ern States the country population has
increased sixty-five per cent; cities,
thirty-fve per cent, in ten years.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

A California community recently
Iynched at one seance five men accused
Of horse stealing. This reads like the
good old ~dime-novel days.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

At present France Is far and away
ahead of the rest of the world in the
manufacture and use of electric veh-
iclns
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

An Iowa man ate n bowl Of yeast to
win a bet, and is reported to be all
puffed up over his success.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

next? Three for five! Three for fve!"
ITS ice cold-wow uh-wow uh-wow
fresh roasted here for oh, yes!
Oh, yes!-beloved country, in whose
-" Bang! Bling! Bang! Bang!
to the end of time. l thank you
for your kind attention"
Bang! Bang!-George AIDE. in the
Chicago Record.
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

ELLOW-W-W-W citi-
zens, l (takcs a drink
of water) l Thank
you, Mr.. Chairman,
and you, my fellow
citizens, whom l have
had the distinguished
honor to twice p I
sent in the legislative
halls of this proud
State, for the mag
nifcent reception
which you have ac-
The Penn's Grove record., 1901-06-28

The Apaches have three different
kinds of y%iolins, each having but one
string and PLAYED with q sma bow.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1901-08-23
News and VI8WS


80 NN4NH
A decidedly interesting situation Is
developing in Oklahoma, where the
United States federal government has
been planning to throw open for set
Element the lands Of the Kiowa. Com
anche and Apache Indians on Aug. 9,
says an editorial writer In the Chicago
News. As has happened heretofore
when Indian lands were opened for
settlement, the boomers" in large
numbers have lined up along the Dor
der Of the territory. Some Of them, in
their anxiety lest they be unfortunate
in the distribution. have crossed the
line, in spite Of all restrictions, stalk
ing out claims which seem desirable
and preparing to seize and hold them
by force. To obviate this, the federal
officials have arranged a novel plan
of drawing lots; the man drawing the
hrst number receiving the right to take
his pick, the one drawing the next
number securing second choice and
so on.
As there are only 10, 478 homestead
claims, It was certain that many Of the
boomers must be disappointed and the
prospects for an open clash were
bright. Now, however. a new and
wholly unexpected complication ap-
pears in the shape Of a protest from
poor 10 himself. The humble red
man, in the person Of n Lone Wolf.
through his attorneys, propose to plead
in the courts that under the constitu-
ton mo person shall be deprived Of
life, liberty or property without due
process Of law" and that therefore the
taking Of the Indians land is uncon-
stitutional. Whether or not 10 is a
person" is for the courts to discover.
Certainly he has not always been treat
ed as such, but his present attitude Of
resistance indicates that he may have
been undergoing a process of evolution
which is turning him into one.
The San Juan County index. (Aztec, N.M.) 1890-19??, 1901-08-23

gypsy Girl longing for her home. Joy
ously saw her return 20 her wildwood
haunts ana her lover. Then the audi
onCe rose IN applause, and the hour Of
a great triumph had truly come 20
Milly Ellis.
Her heart swelled when she went,
with her iubilant manager, before the
curtains. She longed to cry out:
I am little Milly Ellis, who was born
and brought up here, obscure enough
among you-and now-now I have
conquered you ALI"
But even In that hour there was 20
be something beside. AS she bowed
and smiled. ~speechless in her deep
emotion, a slender tongue Of fame
leaped from above in one Of the wings,
and caught a swaying gilded banneret.
And, In the next second, hoarse cries
Of "Fire!" we're here and there and
Wild screams Of terror. In a breath the
woman was forgotten in the fear Of
death.
The manager few from her side TO
the rear, commanding. half mad with
this sudden change of fortune. But the
hre leapt, like a thing OF life, from one
himsy ornament and drapery to an
other and the opening doors famed the
flames.
In that moment when the manager
left her alone, Milly Ellis stood sud
denly stripped of all she had held most
dear, stood alone and saw a mad hght