West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-06-27
MuGGINS ENCOUNTERS A GOAT.

Goats are not gifted with good eommo
sense. They prowl around the streets an
vacant lots and cat newspapers, old hoopin
skirts, junk bottles, saw.dust, flannel clo,he
aud such other indigestible pabulum. The,
taste is 50 Ntia,cd that they do not know th
difference between plate of sauerkraut an,
an old mop.
| make these observations from obserya
tons aud experience principally experience
l was standing the other day in front of a,
| uptown window, gazing inlently at a pho,,
OF Mrs. Langtry and other dry goods an,
notions, when all of a sudden felt a TUG
ging at my ulster.
At first thought perhaps IL was Sena,o
o'Shauguessy prominent member of III,
Moderation Society, who wished to invite m,
to 10 around to the Hon. Owney Geoghe
gan's TO moderate and YOU may imagine m,
surpnse when. on looking around. found |,
was goat, masticating the historian f,ld,
of my toga.
suppose he thought it was something
good to cat but even if il was, | didn't want
to have him eat the garment off my back
and leave me out in the cold, coatless. So
! said to him gently, not wishing To hurt his
feelings:
SEQ way, goatie :"
We'll, he went away--about three feet,
and then he kind % veered around and
came back on the other side and began to
chew again. II beat all what fancy he
took to that ulster Maybe he thought Il
was tripe-goattripe, you know.
was SO much fascinated with Mrs. Lang.
try's Grecian nose and Roman mouth that |
didn't at first, observe that the animal. had
tackled my ulster again, till small boy
called my distraught attention back TO ter.
restrial things by shouting out:
"liey, mister goats a-ca,in' up yer
overcoatl I"
turned around, and still having consci.
en'ious seruples against my clothes being
devoured by goat, observed, somewhat
heroely:
"Come, you goat, get out o. that 20
Then turned to gaze once more on those
classic features and was trying 10 decide in
my mind whether hers was really a type Of
beauty that would strike native Hottentot
as superior to anything in his country, and
how much longer the mouth ought to be
than the nose aud Sundry other knotty ques-
tons oil similar sort, when sudden TUG AZ
the rear OF my ulster made me conscious
that his goatship was at il again.
"Well, never !" ! said TO myself. and
then wheeled around and gave Mr.. Goat
such kick that fancIed he would take the
hint and leave.
In fact, he did leave. He went up the
street about four rods, and then he paused
moment to rellect--if reflection Is possible
10 goats--and then he wheeled about, curbed
down his head, took a good look at me out
OF The top OF his eyes, as though taking aim,
and then he came back.
lie didn't linger much on the way. saw
him start, and then there was cloud Of
dust, and then collision. thought the
comet had struck me, for a moment. ill
discovered had been telescoped by the
goat There was nothing wrong about the
construction OF the goat. His head was per-
feotly solid. tried to dodge, but il was
useless. Before I could say, GAS you like
II, was knocked on my beam.ends and
was sPrawling in the dust.
Then he backed up for a fresh hold. and
on he came again, like a catapult, like n
boomerang, like catamaran. This time I
seized him by the horns, and although I
feared it would be an "unequal match. +" I
hung on and le, him yank me around a spell.
Then we had it, Grrco-Roma fashion.
Sometimes the goat was on deck and some.
times was. We were a good deal mixed
up at times, SO that IL was difficult to tell
whether there was more of me than there
was of the goat, or more Of the goat than
there was of me. think We were about
half-and-half, though, mostly. We flew
around lively, can tell you.
a big crowd gathered around and enioyed
the sport they clapped their hands and
cheered us on. We Topped up against the
shop window, smashed the glass. and dis
figured the picture Of Mrs. Langlry for life.
Then we surged up against a lamp post, and
bent It over to an angle Of forty.fve degrees
and made the glass fly in all directions.
! hung on to the horns all the while. de-
termned 70 lay out or fail to accomplish
the undertaking.
Just then policeman burst through the
crowd and arrested me, and let the goat
escape. was gheyed This is the unusual
discretion Of the average policeman. When
araigned before His Honor-Who didn't
seem 10 discriminate between me and the
other goat in the way / fondly hoped he
would-he fined me for disordery conduct,
made me pay for ,be broken glass. and
warned me not 10 be caught in such com.
pany again.
This warning vas Altogether superauous.
have no desire 10 associate with goats any
more. Talk about your oilymarparine
Great marlinspikes II you can End any
stronger butter IN creation than goat. 7
should like 20 see it.