The Independent. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1895-1905, 1901-07-17
THE REFoRMER AND THE
MAJOR.
A Modern Fable by George Ade-.
Dedicated 10 WoolleY

Once there was e Town that was
having Total Abstinence jam
boree. The Excitement over Tenn
psrance was becoming Incorporate,
all on account Of Reclaimed Sot
who was conducting series OF
Meetings at Central Hall. The
Lecturer claimed to have been Ossi.
fed for fifteen Years at a Stretch.
He had sodden Past that read Ike
Session of the Legislature. Ha
had been down in The Gutter, and
he told about it every Evening.
The Front Rows we're filed with
horror-stricken Old Ladies aud
sym pathetic young Girls who shud.
dered when he told how he used to
hoist Strong Drink until he would
aee green Anaconda aud polks-dot
Lizards picking out from b. hind
the Morris Chair.
The former Soak took particular
Delight in telling what Brute be
had been all during the Time that
he was doing Business with the Rum
Fiend. According to his own Story
he must have ebj,ysd q Thirst that
was a Pippin. He touched up The
Black Bottle every five Minutes or
so. In the whole fifteen years If
continuous loot he never had been
known to Compromise on Suit or
take Cigar and put it in his Pocket
to smoke After a While. Nothing
but the Red Eye would do for Oscar
when he started on Bender. He
said that he sold Locket contain
ing his Mothers Picture in order to
get his Mornings Morning. Once
he broke open the Savings Bank
belonging to his little Brother aud
took out SO Ceuts to blow for AL
cohol When his darling Sister re-
monstrateh with him, he chased her
with Poker. He forged his
Fathers Name to a Check rather
than do without his Liquor. In
fact he had been an all.round Pup
aud he wanted everybody to know it e.
After each meeting the Ladies
would cluster around and offer con-
gratulations. The ordinary man
who had never been through the
Tremens or assaulted his Folks had
to retire to the Background, feeling
small and unworthy. Any one
whose Lushing had been limited to
few Schwsbsn Schu,zsnfests and
Annual Banquets dropped back into
Amateur Glass and had nothing to
say. The mea who attended the
Meeting and observed the Popular
ity of the recent Drunkard began to
realize that they had made serious
Mistake in sticking to Ssrsaparilla.
The reclaimed Tank was invited
somewhere to Tea every Evening,
3and there the women iwonld hang
7 upon his Words and beg him to tell
once more the sweet and simple
Story of how he swatted his Sister
with the Poker.
The Meetings were Grand Sue
cess. All tho people who did not
Drink came to the Front and signed
the Pledge two or three times a
Week. Every Man who was sus-
pected OF keeping Beer in his Cellar
or taking a Flask with him when he
went Fishing was entrested to get
on the Water Wagon or it might he
q matter OF only few Months until
bis Children would be crying for
Bread and his Wifi, would have to
Sew for Living and he would be
Dad to the World, lying Face down
on the Cement Sidewalk.
In this Town there was an Az
torney known as The Major. He
was regarded with Suspicion. as he
was supposed 10 be High Church
although he never attended Services
His nose had an iridescent Glimmei
and he was tile Watery in the
Eyes. The Major had been brought
up south OF the Ohio River in a
Household which held that the
Side-Board and the Cradle were