Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1901-01-05

Jack there along wild me, an thin see
Thin Tommy sojer boys do the HAHN
act wild u.s."
Yes, an I'd like to see them haze
me- said Ortheris. "You," SAID Null
/ vaney as he gazed upon Ortheris, d.
minutive stature. why, We little sawed
off you,-you'd be just the kind ov a
graft they'd be after-say Ortheris, me
boy, pass another bottle av the juice
! this way -"
Yes, yers coupled too short me boy
an We are in the fither weight class
beside. You'd be the boy that would
Il, git a poonchin livery mortal day ov the
week. Thin pin-feathered sojers would
pick out some big thick skulled ruff
fan whose father keeps a saloon in
New York or Chicago,-an who got to
Wist Pint because the old man carried
hills Half Acre,-an' that big steer,
who had been a bouncer in his daddy's
saloon, would kick a lung out we
Orth'ris, me boy"
Would he?" said Ortheris, with a
fine touch of scorn.
'Av curse he would, it's only the
little chaps the tackle"
An by the Holy Moses, it sames as
if the commandant and officers en-
courage those practices at the inquisi-
ton. -Av coOrse I'm not sure, but l
behave the c~ommandant must have a
bonch ef rules hung in the Kindergar-
ten that rades like this
,"'Whin a new chap comes in, if he
is delicate lookin', bate him black and
blue, sprid eagle him, drag him up by
tho thJnohc dra O him nVrar III 10 ~
pus, smash him wild brick bats, play
innocent pranks" wild him, then drown
him.
This rule must not be broken on
pain av expulsion, an the faculty will
stick wild We.
"Av the prosecuted writch dies I'M
der this noble treatment, livery moth
er's son av We must line up an perjure
himself like a gintleman, as the Prince
o Wages says it. An what's more,
livery wan av We must defame the dead
an blacken his character, no matter
how much perjury it takes-thereby
shown tn high state av the institoo-
cion an the Elegant buzzards that we
are.
And if the dead miscreant has q
toom-stone to his mimory, we must git
an ak al go out some dark night an
bust that tombstone into moleculis. an
as before stated, tn faculty will stick
wild ye.'
A coorse," said Mulvaney, taking
another beer, Il am not a sayin' that
slch rules are up, from from the rotten
explosion from Wist Pint tn last Is
year, | feel sartin that SIGH rules must
be there"
And VII t would you do if you were
slnt there, ~ferrence?" asked Leroyd.
"Ay | Wor STINT there the first thing
| would do would be to haze thin co =
mandants for not kapin' order ar ing
a boonch av kids-how would thin
ccmmandants look wild a rig.-.int of
min In sarvice if they can t govern
tn kid %sojers? Yis, | would haze thin
commandments would jerk thin out
aV their uniforms and throw thin in
IN Hudson River for a BATH
Thin / would haze all thin little
toughs an brulserS that keep up this
MIL an diviltTy~tney are mostly
tough sons OF tougher politicians. /
would nave a few rapid tlrin' guns wild
one an thin there would be siyeral
line funerals. Id have discipline If |
had 10 kape livery undertaken in the
neighborhood busy"
AL the governmints ought to abol-
lsh these Institutions anyway an git
officers from the rank and file. Ma
poleon sid that inny man in his army
might be carrying a marshal baton in
his knapsack. lis, there's min, good
ones, OF military aptichude that would
make bitter commanders than young
judes; min Of Drawn and brain, as old
Chelten'an used to say, who niveI
could git into the pop-gun institu-
chuns. Trims the min fer ye-many
is the tome I've got thin little officer
boys out D tight places-bliss their
ignorant souls, but they found service
different from gittin' drunk, dancin'
and attindin' sociables."
Mulvaney watched the smoke cir
cling from his pipe-he remembered
that the beer was out, and he said:
Time to go boys, eh?"
AS they arose to go Ortheris said:
what of South Africa and the Phil
ippines, Terrence?"
THE divil lake them" said Null
vaney. we've heard the story of the
fight between the hon an tie turtle, an
the turtle got the lion by the snoot-
that's us. And l car tell We straight
that be the time the American eagle
burd gifts out on the Philippines he
won't have a tail fther left"
And the three went toward the camp,
BARON JONES.