Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1901-10-10
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Mrs. Gaswell-The Car Of Russia
now has four daughters. Mr.. Gaswel
oh, the dear little Czardines.
Clerk suppose you want a grand
piano, madam? Mrs. Wyndfall dis
dainfully)-Grand,I want a magnifi.
cent one.
A Bald Assertion: Barber-Your hair
will be gray If it keeps on. Scanty-
locks-Well, hope 1t will keep on
Baltimore World.
She-So you went to see Hamlet? DO
you think Hamlet was mad! He-l
expect so. There wasn't over five
pounds in the house.
Friend-Each side of the question
presents difficulties. Statesman-Ex-
actly! think I'll take bold stand on
both sides Of the question.
Minister-Bridget, these potatoes
taste mouldy. Bridget-Yis, sorr. Oi
dare say. sorr-they set Mkt to your
barrel O. sermons in the suller.
II doctor will whip his horse into
a mad gallop just before he turns the
corner to a woman patients home. he
will always keep her practice.
Pertinent and Impertinent: doctor.
your tonic made new man Of me-"
"a new man? Well. how Is he of
financially Y-Chicago Record-Herald.
Ferdy-How much does it cost per
mile to run your auto? Algy-Well, 1t
costs about a cent a mile to run 1t,
and about ten dollars a mile to repair
It.
what are you doing there" cried
the farm dog as he observed the hen In
the coal bin. "Oh, thought this was
a good time to lay in COAL" cackled the
hen.
Kind: Mrs. Kingley-The dressmaker
says she won't make me another gown
unless you pay her bill. Kingley-
That's good Of her. God bless her,
Life.
Tough Party I'm hardware store)-l
wanted buy a dog muzzle, see? Clerk
(affably)-All right. sir. What size do
you wear?-University Of Chicago
Weekly.
"There is no doubt that this scheme
will pay" said the promoter. YES"
answered the purchaser Of stock. II
suppose so. But who is to get the
money"
Staidhome telling the news Of the
village)-My nephew, Clarence Tum-
water. has become finished elocution-
list. Beenaway-That so? XIII him
yourself?
"Our college colors are pink ana old
gold." said Miss Frocks. "Our college
colors were black and blue when l was
initiated into the secret society,"" added
her brother.
"Who Is the smartest boy in your
class. Bobby?" asked his uncle. I'D
like to tell you. Uncle" answered Bob
by. modestly, "only papa says
mustn't boast"
Bought Medicine Himself: 1--WE just
been drugged and robbed" said he: Il
think it Is q shame" The officer just
yawned and said: "What was the drug
eist's eT'-Life.
Ma-It's time we thought Of Grace
getting married. She Is already ~
years old. Pa-Oh. let her wait till the
right sort Of a man comes along! Ma
Why waltz didn't.
I don't mind It under certain condi-
tions." replied the canal boat mule.
"You don't appear to like your exer-
else on the towpath." mo. That's
where draw the line"
Hostess-Dear me! what shall DOT
Husband-Do? What's the trouble
now? Hostess-Why. our guest. Mr..
Stout, is so fat. and have nothing but
a spare room to put him ln.-Illustrat-
ed Bits.
Chappie--l'd Just like to know what
you mean by being engaged to both
Cholly and me at once. Miss Pinkie-
Why, bless me! there Ia no harm done:
you can't either Of you afford to marry
me. you know.
General-Stop that reporter. Aide
What! Don't you want him to send
home an account of your heroism? mo.
l don't want to be an American hero
for a week and punching bag for the
rest Of my life"
He was obviously anxious, and she
seemed almost willing. II shall refer
you to papa" said she. with a becom-
ing blush. ''before giving you final
answer" "Dut nm perfectly willing
to take you without any reference"
said lie, magnanimously.
Management: Don't you think you
lose patience with your husband on
rather slight provocation?" said the
near relative. II have to provoke him
sometimes" was the placid answer,
go that he will lose his temper. and
then give me anything want so rs to
atone for the way he has acted"
"Huhw exclaimed Mr.. Rox, after
reading his morning mail. "our boys
college education Is making him too
blamed smart" "What's the matter"
asked Mrs. Rox. II wrote to him the
other day that thought 1t would be
kinder for me not to remit the check
he asked for. Now he writes: Dear