Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-04-27
= Humorous Items. -


cbo-"Did you ever take part in anna
Sne -boatricals?'' He-"Once; but I'm
i III Irirht now. Town Topics.
,de-"Jack says he wouldn't marry
ao n;eest girl living" Dolly-"Pshaw.
ms 4 i'd have himr'-TitB Bits.
..Don't yer ever wish I'd been horned
a l9idy;; + Bill:
"Soze yd pynted yer face stead o
wsshin' Moonshine.
In Puritan Massachusetts-"No, al
avs attend church in the evening"
"S1d why not in the morning?" In the
Warning! Why, l golf in the morning. =
cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mrs Gallagher-"Rumors fly. don't
,ber Misss Flannigan:" Mrs. Flanni-
o,naIn-"Indade they do; awnly this week
IAN Ear left me widout payin' his rint.'-
CoInmbus (Ohio.) State Journal.
Wolf-"Did you lose much in the big
fall in Z. y. Y preferred?'
"Iamb-"Not cent. Fortunately. had
arnnned all | had on Brummagem Copper
week ago."-Boston Transcript
Tompkins-'I am afraid we haven't
much for dinner today, but such as it
is" Cheerful Friend-"DoE't make
any excuse, old chap. Remember I've
dined at your house before. '-Tit-Bits.
y
This bump above your ear denotes COM
hatiyeness" Subject - That's right,
n'fessor, my wife batted me there with
rolin' pin yesterday. Ohio State Jour
nal.
POINT OF ETIQUETTE.
one may rubber with intensity,
But we should ever reck
That she doesn't look the more q bird
In that she cranes her neck.
Detroit Journal.
Scene "a restaurant. Two little boys
dining at a public place for the first
time. Waiter just giving change for
bilD.-Lttle Boy suppose, father, we
don't return thanks when We pay for our
dinner, do we?'-Pick-Me-Up.
Magazine Editor-"Rut, my dear mad
am, have merely attempted TO give you,
in the kindliest spirit. few hints on
meter and construction" well, l
wou! int have such mean disposition as
you have for a. thousand dollars"'-Life.
EARNED HER REWARD.
A new servant maid named Maria
Had trouble in lighting the fire.
The wood ii was green,
So she used gasoline.
And she's gone where the fuel is driver.
indianapolis Sun.
To the Poor.-Mrs. Newbride with an
air of triumph Really, | was greatly
surprised to get a wedding present from
the Wander Gilds. They are so exclu-
sivc, you know" Miss Jellus-'Yes. but
they are very charitable, l believe. -
Philadelphia Press.
The latest triumph in advertising SER
mons is that recently scored by a minis
ter whose bulletin board contained in
glaring headlines the announcement of
an evening sermon on Mrs. Nations cru
SADIE, with this text: Smash not, that
We be not smashedn'
The custom of printing obituary poetry
with death notices prevails in Washing
ton, as it does in Philadelphia. A few
days ago this touching poem was af-
fixed to death notice.
Ny dearest daughter has gone away
She has gone for good and she's going to
stay.
Johnny" said the little fellows NAM
ma Il want to give you a piece of cake.
but can't find the key to the pantry
That's all right, mamma replied
bright little Johnny; Il know how to
get It without key" That's all |
want to know" she said. as she reached
for the slipper.-Boston Courier.
One of the most perpiexing positions in
winch criminal jury ever finds itself
When the Jurymen really believe the
PHsoner is guilty, but are not sure of it.
In recent case in Georgia the jury
solved the difficulty by bringing in the
verdict: We, the jury, find the prison.
er almost guilty.
A Proud Record.-"I see that one of
the newly appointed patrolmen made an
arrest within twenty minutes after he
assumed his duties" said the observant
citizen to the experienced policeman.
That's nothing smiled the latter. II
went to sleep while my commission was
being handed to me."-Baltimore Ameri-
can.
Did you get your promotion?" asked
Trend Of warrant officer in the navy.
"a" was the answer, given in a tone
Of disgust
What was the trouble? I'm sure you
could pass the examination"
That's just where l missed it. Bare
y got, through with the two-step but
nenked completely in the waltz"-Judge.
i suppose" muttered the Sultan. Il
suppose that, after his kind words. |
snail have to meet the Kaiser sometime
or other"
Here he gritted his teeth so hard that
tAe grand vzier sent word to the harem
mat such loud castanet playing would
not be permitted.
%, But" continued the Sultan. II do MOI
IKE to establish a precedent by meeting
BIZ. Baltimore American.
HOW TORONTO DOES 1T