Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-06-13

GOOD
Short Stories

Here Is the latest story OF Judge
Henry l., Howland. one OF the most
popular after-dlnner speakers Of New
York: There was little boy who was
badly puzzled over the theory OF evolu-
ton. He went to his mother and ask.
ed: Mamma. am l descended from a
monkeyr 4 don't know. she answer,
cd, I never met any OF your fathers
people"
Herbert A. Giles gives the following
example OF Chinese humor In his His
tory OF Chinese Literature; "a man
who had been condemned to wear q
wooden collar was seen by some Of his
friends. What have you been doingr
they asked him. to deserve thisr oh.
nothing, he replied; L only picked up
an old piece of rope And you are to
be punished thus severely they said.
for merely picking up an end OF roper
Well answered the man. the fact is
that there was bullock tied to the
other end"
In his biography Of Phillips Brooks.
Alexander V. G. Allen Of Cambridge
tells OF clergyman who was going
abroad, and talked In Jest OF bringing
back a new religion with him. You
might have some trouble in getting II
through the custom house," SOME one
remarked. NO" observed Bishop
Brooks; I'VE may take 1t for granted
that a new religion would have no du-
ties attached" Another person. for
the sake. no doubt, OF argument, once
drew attention to the fact that some
men, calling themselves atheists. seem
ed to lead moral lives. and Brooks
promptly disposed OF 1t. "They have
to-" said he; they have no God to for
give them II they don't"
An old Scotch farmer once went to
have a troublesome tooth extracted.
Said the dentist. after looking at the
offending molar: "It is very ugly one.
would advise you to have 1t out by
the painless system. II Is only shill-
ing extra" He showed the farmer the
apparatus for administering gas, re-
marking that 1t would cause him TO
fall asleep for a minute. and before he
awoke the tooth would be out. After
slight resistance the sufferer consent
ed. proceeding to open his purse. "Oh.
never mind paying just nowr' said the
dentist. kindly. "Hootsg" answered the
cautious old Scot. "A wasn't thinking
O. that; but II Am ga'en tn sleep A.
thocht A. wad like tn count ma siller
fust.''
Frederick the Great once had occa-
sion to rebuke his cavalry for shirk-
ing their duty. According to "A HIS
tary of Frederick the Great" he said:
Gentlemen. | am entirely dissatisfied
with the cavalry; the regiments are
completely out of hand; there is no ac-
curacy. no order; the men ride like
tailors. beg that this may not occur
again. and that each of you viii pay
more attention to his duty. But know
how things go on. You think am not
up to your lodges. but know them all.
and win recapitulate them. When the
season for riding-drilI comes on. the
captain sends for the sergeant major,
and says: L have an appointment this
morning at -, tell the first lieutenant
to take the rides So the sergeant ma
jor goes to the senior subaltern and
gives him the message. and the latter
says: What! the captain will be away?
Then am or hunting; tell the second
lieutenant to take the men And the
second lieutenant. who is probably still
in bed, says: What! both Of them
away? Then I will stay where I am.
was up till three this morning at a
dance; tell the cornct I am i'll, and he
must take the rides Finally. the cor
net remarks: Look here, sergeant ma
jor. what is the good Of my standing
out there in the cold? You know all
about it much better than | do, you
go and take them And 50 1t goes, and
what must be the end Of 1t all? What
can hope to do with such cavalry be-
fore the enemy"