Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1901-06-06
CHAMPION LIAR OF THE WORLD.
An American sized Up a. Most Iucer.
riU,b'e Verbal Liar.

An American sized Up 40 Most Iucer.
rigsb'e Verbal Liar.
do you know that the average Amer.
can Is hopeless and incOrrigible and
anmitigated liar?' said cynic Of Bar.
onne street, in New Orleans. II don't
mean he lies viciously. but suave men,
iacity glides Off the end Of his tongue
as easily as molasses flows from
spgot on warm day in summer. He
Ices 1t uncOnsciously habitually, auto
matical!y-just as his lungs expand and
his heart palpitates and his hair grows,
without any special attention from the
rest of his system. He does 1t be-
cause lie can't help it. The thing has
become Il second nature.
II had all this brought home to me-
continued the amateur cynic, "by
very simple little experiment which l
tried on myself and few others no
longer ago than yesterday morning.
Did you ever see Il pocket counting ma
chine? Well, it's little device shaped
like watch. Whenever you press the
stem the needle OH the dial jumps
point. and it registers in that way up to
several thousand on the principle of a
ryclometer They are used by any
body making long counts and are very
handy. because they never forget
where they leave Off.
But. to come to the point, something
happened to remind me of our national
vice Of untruthfulness as was getting
up yesterday and determined to keep
tab on myself and ascertain, II pOssi-
BILE, how many actual, out and out lies
| put into circulation In the course of
the day. I CHANGED to have one of the
little counting machines have just
mentioned so l slipped 1t into my
pocket and started out.
'The first lie told was right at the
door. Smithson was passing and STOP
ped to shake hands. Hello, old man!
said l. Delighted to see YOU when as
matter of fact l was deuced sorry to
see him, because l owe him ten. l
gave the counter squeeze and hur-
ried ON. but before l got to the office
had logged it nine times.
"What did I jog 1t for, did you ask?
Oh. trivialities, mere trivialities. but
at the same time point blank lies. every
one Of 'em. Whenever opened my
mouth out dropped some COMPOUNDED
hyperbole. told Jones the joke he
insisted in springing on me was the
best I ever heard and then made a
double tally in assuring his wife she
was looking remarkably well when she
was looking exactly like scarecrow.
told another friend never laughed
so much in my life as had at some
thing or other. l don't remember now
what. and still another that I hadn't
slept n wink for three nights when l
had neuralgia lately-all lies, bald lies.
In spite of their harmlessness.
when I reached the Office and looked
at the dial, I was Mortified. Good
heavens. said to myself. 1T seems to
be physically impossible for me to
speak the plain truth in the paltriest
matters. III just remain perfectly
quiet for half an hour and keep check
on Boggs.'
"Boggs IL our head-bookkeeper and
a pillar in one of the suburban
churches. l had supposed him to be
the quintessence of cast-iron veracity.
but when l sat down in cold blood to
nut him on record was astonished Mt
the blase. fashion with which he fri
vOled with the truth. pushed the
button on him Is times in - minutes;
then he got into whispered CONVERSE
ton with caller and lost the thread
of his remarks. But I am certain II
[ had been in hearing the counter
would have had hard work keeping up
with the procession"