Evening star., 1901-08-31
HOW THE TROUBLE BEGAN
1t was at coney Island.

with breadth in accordance. He was mani
festly joyous with much beer He had had
his tintype taken under four different tents,
| had looped the loop and shot the chutes,
had fired many base balls at the dummy
heads, had practiced precariously at the
| rifle galleries, had had swim in the brine,
had made the old mill trip through the
scenic waterway had ridden on all the to-
boggans, had partaken largely Of sausages
and hot corn and other sea food, had been
| up against the steeplechase game, had tao
! kled the moving stairway, had gone thrice
| around the Ferris wheel and twice up in
| the high elevator, had visited the ump-ta-
ra-ra midway and ridden the aged camels,
| had attended the prize (chambermaidsD
beauty contest, had taken a hack at all of
| the slot machines in sight; each and all
with maltous accompaniment.
Sc. nothing remained for him but to have
| his fortune told.
He slouched into a fortune-telling booth
| and crossed the palm of the Syrian lady S
hand with silver.
The Syrian lady pulled her star-studded
fez bit tighter over her coarse oriental
hair. and took hold of his huge right hand.
It's youse,' said the Syrian lady, in the
soft. dulcet accents of her race, "f'r trouble
an hull lot of it, an it's comm right
quick at that. But youse'H git out of it.
All youse is got t do is t give tn trouble
a hug Wen it comes y'r way. an youse'll
land right"
Thus. the Syrian lady, with the low,
grooming infiexions of her far-tlung tribe.
He grinned over her prediction.
III fool her. said he to himself. he
emerged from the tent into the bright
sunshine. There's no trouble in sight for
me. If felt any better I'd have to go and
see doctor. Trouble? Why, feel so good
that I'd let Hottentot come right up and
KICK an ear off Of me. and 1 wouldn't say
word. This is not my trouble day
Whereupon he proceeded to push trouble
imbibing more of the hops product
somehow or another, he thought he saw
fly in his glass. He pushed the glass
over to the bartender and called 1.-THE
mans attention to it. The bartender
looked UP at him haughtily. Then he
leaned over the bar and stuck his coun-
tenance within two inches of that of the
man for whom the portents foretold
trouble.
''Tsay," remarked the bartender, with
poorly concealed ferocity, "wot dyouse ex-
pect wit a nickel hooter O. beer-Sout'
American centipedes?"
The trouble began right then. Strange,
the inexplicable intuitiveness of these wal
nut-darkened gypsies of the briny Bowery!
The huge man whose horoscope for the
day was clouded gathered unto himself
two chairs, back to back, in each masto-
donic paw, and he began to do some car
rienationizing on vast plan. It was in
vain that the bartender and all of the
walters who ran up threw bottles and
bung-starters and beer mugs and other
bric-a-brac at the man who was just
bound to have trouble, according to the
signs Of the cards and all the stars. The
bric-a-brac only dented him, but he went
right on. He made the plant look as if a
low-swinging, greenish, funnel-shaped
cloud had swoOped upon it; he tossed the
bartender and all of the walters into the
ice box and slammed the door on them,
and then he wended his way adown the
thronged Coney Island thoroughfare
He looked calm. but it was only external
displeased- him. He kicked many holes in
the glass surrounding the organ, and drop
ped the proprietor thereof through the
trap into the machinery compartment.
The wart on the left cheek of vender
of popcorn offended his esthetic sense.
The popcorn cart went over.
The barker in front of a "Velocity Vor-
tex" was something too raucous of voice
to inspire his bosom with pleasurable SEN
sations. He deposited the barker on top
Of the mansard roof Of second-story
building.
The cop who essayed to apprehend him
was, he considered unnecessarily rude. He
made the cop look like reclining figure on
top of sarcophagus.
This, likewise, he did to five other cops.
When they came to. however, they made a
concerted rush for him, and when they got
him down they sat upon him and bound
him, and thus he was hauled to the donjon
keep.
The total bill the next morning. including
the magistrates fine of $40, was $3.50,
which the huge man paid.
On his way to the boat he had to pass the
tent of the Syrian lady who had foretold
the game for him on the day before. She
stood outside the tent and saw him coming.
"Wot did 1 tell youse?' she playfully in
quired, with the mellow, sibilant utterance
of her mystical people. 1t all comes out
like 1 piped youse off it would. didn't it?
Don't git anudder half f'r calm de toin
dat way?'
Once more did he cross the Syrian lady's
palm with silver.
WELL let's have the rest of it," said he.
"Youse is never goin' t see sweet Annie
any more" said she, hyperbolically.
'You mean by that that I am never COM
ing to Coney Island again?" he inquired,
reading her meaning.
Sure ting, she replied sententiously.
And she was right. He never Is.
He arrived back in Washington four days
ago. with great peace upon him. 1t is
only when his friends who are In the know
mention COney Island to him that he ex-
hibits signs of acute mental distress.