The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-02-22
Flow of Wit and Other Things at
University Club Banquet.

United States senators. But the glamor
has disappeared. The bloom IS on the
peach, and we see things from their
true focus. We realize that happiness
is not 10 be found III wealth, in power
or in satisfied ambition. 1t is to be
found in the home. And now, when L
am asked in what part Of the home the
truest happiness is To be found, L an
swer without fear Of successful con-
tradiction, in the kitchen From this
point Mr. Ferry gave d very humorous
dissertation on the servant girl ques-
ton and proved conclusively that the
Jewel is without money and without
price.
The Jab'ber,HOck' was the toast that
fell to Lou II. FaTnsworth. Mr.. Farms
worth said ne was as competent TO
discuss. jabberwOcks as the tOast-mas-
ter was to explain legal problems He
said he had not been Lippmanited or
coated with silver Kearnsite, but he
would read d few remarks 10 explain
an abstruse legal proposition. Continu-
ing, Mr. FarnswOrth read a story OF an
imaginary lawsuit in which bull and
a ferryboat were the principal charac-
tiers. 1t was clever take-on on legal
matters and the banqueters enjoyed II
hugely.
Jay Tarvin Harris responded to How
to be Happy Though Married Il am
happy" said Mr.. Harris, to address an
assemblage containing all If not more
than all of the wit, talent. beauty and
morality of the country. Gentlemen,
you see before you happy man. am
at a loss to discuss this subject, for
know it is not debatable." Mr.. Harris
advised the unmarried men present. TO
follow his example and be convinced
that, though married, man can be
happy.
Joe Richards had been scheduled to
tell the merry makers What / Don't
r1cT sr.TT r.frf q m
up. The duty was assigned to Edward
S. Ferry, Mr.. Richards law partner
Politics remind me Of babies, said he.
Some achieve babies, some are born
babies and some have babies thrust
upon them. I imagine that all of US
more or less were born babies. Some
of US, such as Nye, Ed CritchlOw and
myself, achieve babies. Some, like
Fisher Harris have babies thrust upon
them. Others, like Major Hill, Chris
Diehl, George WeSterVelt and Walter
ShOup, have no babies to speak Of
Mr.. Ferry's remarks were received with
bowls of laughter.
Purple Cows was the somewhat IN
usual subject assigned to George Wash
ingtOn Ritter. Mr.. Ritter confessed his
ignorance of purple COWS. lie had never
seen one but he had no doubt some of
his fellow members in bibUlOus mo-
ments had seen them and he didn' t
know but that they would be an i'm
prOvement on the old-fashiOned make.
Mr.. Ritter declared that when the toast
. was assigned to him he felt like an
Irish car inspector friend who was
asked why he went along tapping the
wheels with - hammer. Why" ne an
swered. There amt no why. It's
what the superintendent ordered"
Fisher Harris was the last speaker.
His toast was Mrs. Nation and the
State Police When I saw my sub
ject,' said Mr.. Harris, Il felt like say
ing 'damNatiOn although 1 am not a
profane man. Then I changed my mind
and said 'damFerTy,' for Ferry is the
man who gave me the toast. Now fell
low devotees of Bacchus and mental
and moral perveTts, 1 know nothing OF
Nation. But I wish her gOdspeed in
her work.
Il comprehend that anything said in
her defense here tonight viii be taken
as personal affront by most Of you.
l know, my fellow drunkards, that you
hope and pray the time will never come
when you will be unable to quench your
thirst on every corner and in the mid
die of every block. In common with
many of you, Mrs. Nation practices at
the bar, but unlike you, she has been
very successful
I Then Mr.. Harris made a pretty lit
tie temperance talk as anybody ever
listened to. He said amid a profound
stiffness, that the demon rum was re
sponsible for more deaths than all the
famines and accidents and plague the
world had ever known and he hoped
the time would come when it could be-
wiped out of existence.