The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1901-05-16
GOOD
Short Stories


One day, at Burlington House, Ten
nyson is said to have asked the guests
a conundrum which he bad just made:
"Who are the greatest women IN the
worldY The answer was: miss
Ouri, the Misses Ippi and Sara Gossa.
w. s. Gilbert, Of Gilbert and Sullivan
opera fame, was one day standing ON
the steps of his club house In LONDON
when a stranger approached and asked:
docs a man belong to your club with
one eye named Walkers" Il don't
know" was the answer; whats the
name Of his other eyer"
Arthur Simmons, the venerable negro
attendant at the White House. was doz-
ing in his chair the other day, when an
usher rushed upstairs and said: MAN
down here wants to see Mr.. Cortelyou."
"Can't see him." replied Arthur. with
dignity. "But this man says he's got
to see him." Don't care nothin' about
that" said Arthur, preparing to resume
his doze; nobody can see Secretary
Cortelyou; he's gone into his sanctum
sanitarium."
Thomas Lincoln, the father Of Abra-
ham Lincoln, was a great story-teller,
and one yarn that he never tired Of re-
hearsing was a blood-curdling Indian
tale. One day, when he was about
seven or eight years old, and living IN
Kentucky, he was sitting on fence,
watching his father and older brothers
at work in the field. Without mo-
ment's warning, a small band Of In
dams came rushing by on horseback.
One of them, with a sweep Of his long
arm, seized the lad and galloped of.
Little Tommy Lincoln looked up into
the red warriors face, and said: "Don't
kill me. Take me prisoner" The
Indian smiled. Just then rifle
cracked. Indian and boy tumb'ei of
the horse, the Indian dead, with a bull
let in his brain. Tommy Lincoln's
brother had come to the rescue.
Once, when Mark Twain was to lee
ture in a small Western town, he was
greeted at the railway station by the
minister, who was to be his host during
his brief stay. On their way to the
parsonage, the minister asked II 1t
would be agreeable to Mark II he
opened the lecture with a prayer, as
was the custom. OF course the humor-
list was delighted, and accordingly,
when they reached the hall that even
ing, the minister left the lecturer sitting
In the corner Of the platform, took the
center Of the stage himself, and pro-
ceeded to offer a prayer about half an
hour long, in the course Of which he
gave his views on all the current affairs
of interest and concluded by saying:
"And now, o Lord, we have with US to
night a man who Is known throughout
all the world as the great American
humorist. Help us, o Lord-help US to
understand what he is about to say to
us, and to be amused by 1t; and If pos.
sible, grant that we may derive some
real benefit from his lecture"
Talking of the Inauguration Of James
Buchanan, L. A. McCreary, Of Wash
ingtOn, d. c., said: The Kirkwood
House was crowded from basement ia
the roof, and the rush was so great that
store-rooms were used to make room
for the throng. One Of these had nc
window-only door, and when a man
from Maine trudged in at midnight OF
March Sd, he was very glad indeed to
take the only thing left-the window.
less store-room. On the morning OF
March 9TH, the man from Maine ap
peared as the desk and wanted to know
when the ceremonies were to take
place. 'CeremoniesY asked the clerk
what do you mean?' Why said the
man, the inauguration The clerk
thought he was mentally unbalanced
and eyed him suspiciously, until he ex.
claimed: L was awake half a dozen
times, but didn't want to dress in the
dark, thinking it was still night, and SO
l went to sleep again. 1 got pretty
hungry at last. and that made me get
up. When does the next train leave
for Bangor? 1 want to get back to
Gods country, where they have sun.