The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1901-02-22

"Then you have gone crazy! You are
out of your mind. You know not what
you say"
IL am all right from head to heel, my
dear sir, and l can't understand your
agitation. what's the matter with my
scheme for improving Napoleon's
noseY
The minister rang his bell with nerv-
Gus hand. and a minute later Birney
was out on the sidewalk with flea In
his ear-tbat is, he was told TO take
himself off or he would be locked up as
an insane person. 1t was rather set
back for him, and ii took him day or
two to get over it, but he finally came
help him out, there were other officials
who would. He tried two or three Of
them, with the result that he was
eventually hailed before the chief Of
police. That official probably sized him
up correctly, for he said to him:
"You do not realize what you are
doing. Don't you understand that you
can be sent to prison for this! You do
not appear to have lost your mind, and
you are no fool, and the best thing you
can do is to get out of Paris at once"
But what is the crimew argued
Birney. "All / have done is to say
that ! can improve on the emperor's
nose. Can a man be sent to prison in
France for that?"
"He can, sir, as / wish to make you
understand. You must not talk this
way. You have made trouble for your
self, and you had best get away as
soon as possible. Should the emperor
himself hear of your insulting words
you would be sent to some fortress for
five or ten years."
"Shoo! You don't say! But you
Frenchmen are queer people! Well,
don't want to leave Paris for a few
days yet, but I'll keep still about Ma
poleon's nose. i had no idea he was so
techy about it. Not another word from
me IL that's the way things are"
The chief added another warning,
though he saw the humOr of the thing
and smiled behind his mask. Birney
might stay on for few days, but he
must keep that nose attachment of his
in the background and his tongue be-
tween his teeth. He went out of the
police office meaning to do it, but
scarcely "a hours had passed away
when he accidentally met a French
doctor who could speak English fairly
well. Birney was naturally asked why
he had visited Paris, and of course he
told of the bullet proof vest. Having
got started, he couldn't stop there.
"Say, do you know | could fix the
emperor's nose in less than a month"
he remarked in burst of confidence.
Eyes, sir. l could improve that smell
er of his at least so per cent in three or
four weeks, and / wouldn't charge
cent either"
'The emperor's noser gasped the
doctor. But what ails the emperors
noseY
"Out of plumb, sir, and no excuse for
it. All l want is three weeks time
Can't you get me an audience with
him?'
1.-The devil! Why, man, you are in
sulting the emperor! You ought to be
locked upv'
'Oh, come nowv' laughed Birney in a
protesting way. 81 never saw such
people before. Can't the emperor's
nose be out of plumb as well as any
other man's?"
The doctor left him without even a
cold bow and probably went to the
police. as Birney was arrested an ho1r
later. According to his story, he was
sent to prison without a trial and de-
tanned for a full year Then he was
taken out one day and conveyed to the
war office and into the presence Of Ma
poleon
"Sir," said the emperor after glaring
at him for awhile, lis my nose out of
plumbY
1T is as plumb as a plumbet," was
the ready reply.
Does it need any fixing over?
mot fix"
"And how is it with yours?"
ITS out of joint, your majesty, but | |
think | could follow it out of France"
Then you may try"
And try he did, and his nose led him !
back to the land of the free without |
any lingering on the road
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