davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1901-02-11

EveYbody's liable to itching piles.
Rich and poor, old and young-terrible
the torture they suffer, Only one sure
cure. Doan's Ointment, Absolutely
safe; can't fail,
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1901-02-11

II do not take any stock In the
story" sald Mr.. ]. r. Mutt, Monday,
when his attention was called to the
combine report. 1T may come some
time but not at present. There is
nothing being talked Of along the line
indicated that know Of"
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1901-02-11

Anthony, who lives at the Harmon
st. address, George stated that he had
scalded his hands and arms while
washing dishes; that the condition Of
his mouth and throat was due to the
cold, and that the ulcers on his feet
were caused by new shoes.
To the physician in the German hos.
pitai the lad stated that when he re.
fused to do the bidding Of his sister
in-law. she would put his hands and
feet into boiling water or place
heated iron against them. He also
said that she resorted to other cruel
practices to make him obey.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
Advantages of the Doctor.

Physicians, like clergymen, are con-
cerned in trying to make their fellow
men better, but they have a great adj
vantage over the clerical brethren in
being able to shape their lives accord
ing to their whims and necessities with
out undue criticism from their fellows.
We prefer that our doctors should be
good men. We insist that they shall
have a high degree of professional
honor. We expect them not to be I'M
duly mercenary, and not to grudge a
fair measure of their time to the public
service. But we don't concern our
selves about what they eat, or drink, or
smoke, or how they choose to have
their share Of sun, says a writer in
Harper's Weekly. We don't even in
sist that they shall practice what they
preach, and we should be disappointed
if we did, for though doctors spend
their lives in efforts to induce people to
take care of their health, it is unusual
for busy doctor to take even ordinary
care of himself. His sleep is broken,
his meals are irregular, he overworks
himself; very likely he smokes too
much. But as long as our confidence in
his skill is unimpaired we don't criticise
him.
Doctors are supposed to know what
is good for themselves, and in their
hands we leave the responsibility for
their own cases as well as for ours. To
be sure, we scott a great deal at the
medical profession, carp at its contra
dictions and remark upon its limita.
lions, but in the long run the good doe.
tors get the credit that is their due
even though its arrears may not come
in until after they are dead
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Mr.. Schwab, who is an eminent man
because he draws salary of $1,OOO,OOO
a year, has supplied the college presi-
dents and orators with a commence
ment topic. Mr.. Schwab recently eX
pressed the opinion that the higher in
situations of learning were of little or
no account because they do not teach
young men how to pile up money. Mr..
Schwab is one of those eminent persons
who think a million is the only thing
life is worth living for except some more
millions. He looks upon an institution
of learning as worthless, no matter how
much it may cost, unless it teaches
young men how to amass riches, says
the Chicago Chronicle. Naturally and
properly college presidents and all who
appreciate liberal education see things
differently. To them man who thinks
it is all of life to get dollars and all of
education to teach youth how to get
dollars looks sordid, not to say small
and contemplate. And they see thing(
more as they are. Money is only onA
of a number of things in this world
that are worth the trouble of getting.
Scientific knowledge is worth having
So is a knowledge of history. So is 1
knowledge of languages. So are a heart
and mind full of sympathy and help
fulness. So is broad, all-around devel-
opment of intellect, taste and morals.
So is character. Mr.. Schwab may not
be aware of tive cannot expect any
one to be aware of it who never en-
| joyed and does not appreciate high
| education and culture-but it is none
the less true that the man of broadly
and highly educated and developed
mind, heart and character is worth
vastly more to the world and contrib
utes more to the welfare and happiness
of his kind than the man who is mere
ly skilled in amassing dollars. Not
every man can get rich. 1t is not de-
sirable that every man should know
how to get rich and exercise his knowl-
edge and skill in that direction This
would not be a very delightful world
if all men were of that kind. But every
one can learn something, and the more
and the broader his knowledge of all
things except evil the better for him
self and for all with whom he may
come in contact, directly or Indirectly
A man may easily be richer than he de.
serves to be; no man can be too wise
or too good. That is to say, no man
can be too highly educated in the best
sense of the word, and that is very fa1
from being sordid sense.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

When five cadets were expelled from
West Point for gross and persistent in
subordination they invoked public
sympathy for their blighted careers,
and they have announced that they in
tend to have Congress restore them
over the heads of the authorities. But
ten of their comrades have just been
dropped for deficiency in their studies,
and nobody seems to have begun any
agitation in their behalf, yet a failure
in studies is a small matter in deter
mining the quality of an officer COM
pared with a failure in the prime mill
tary essential of discipline. Grant was
not a distinguished scholar at West
Point, but he learned how to command
by learning how to obey. When a
young man has been at the Military
Academy for three years without mas
tering that elementary condition of the
military life it is plain that he has mis-
taken his profession.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

difficult to get the range of heavy but,
nevertheless, mobile guns, fired with
smokeless powder from an invisible
point several miles away. Five or six
years ago, under Lord Rosebery's adj
ministration, the British admiralty be-
gan the construction of a vast system
of mOles and docks, which has been
continued by the present Tory govern
ment upon a still larger scale. 1t is
asserted by L. Gibson Bowles and
others that all of these works lie with
in reach of great guns, which might
easily be concealed behind the ridges
of the low hills skirting the adjacent
Spanish territory, and so could be de-
strOyed readily, or, at all events, rem
dered absolutely useless, in the event
of war breaking out. The government,
on the other hand, maintains that shoot
ing is a game that two can play at,
and that any guns behind the hills
would be within the reach of weapons
quite as powerful, and would be put
out of action in no time. The fact that
the new docks are within moderate
range of possibly hostile territory does
not seem to be disputed.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

and it can be made quite as comforta-
BILE for resting as those now in use.
The attachment to the tree is made by
ball and socket joint and the two
hooks, with the suspending cables, the
joint allowing the hammock to swing
laterally in substantially the same
plane. By providing duplicate heads
for suspending the hammock it can
be moved around the tree into another
position as the day advances, thus al
ways keeping under the shady side of
the tree, and when not in use it folds
up fiat for storage in small compass.
The inventor is Malachi D. Huff of
Carthage, Ill.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
Canada,s Nickel ProductioD,

Although nickel was not discovered
in paying quantity in Canada until
1887, it is said that country now pro-
duces 40 per cent of the worlds sup
ply of nickel, says the Youths Com
panion. The deposits of the metal are
in a district near Sudbury, in Ontario,
covering an area about 70x40 miles.
The ore contains about three per cent
of nickel and about an equal quantity
of copper, together with considerable
iron and sulphur. The nickel and cop
per are not extracted in Canada, but il
the United States. One mine has al
ready reached a depth of 1000 feet.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Samuel Wood, a rich man, died in
New York years ago. In his will he
left instructions that large sum of
money was to be set aside for the pur-
pose of establishing a college of music.
Heirs for whom he had already provid-
ed, or for whom he did not wish to pro-
vide, appeared upon the scene and hired
lawyers to have the will broken. After
a long fight in the courts it has now
been found that the money which was
to have been used for the purpose of es-
tablishing a school of music has all
been absorbed in litigation Mr.. Wood
died before such men as Dr.. Pearsons,
Andrew Carnegie and John D. Rookie
Teller had shown the wisdom of giving
away money according to the judgment
and the wishes of the giver. The man
who waits to do his giving from the
other side of the grave seldom gets
along very well with his project He
that has requests to make to the public
should make them himself because he
:an always do it more satisfactorily and
at less expense than his heirs or the
courts will. 1t is an encouraging sign
of the times that the fashion of keeping
1t all until after the last minute is going
out of style. The Samuel Woods are
becoming fewer in this country every
day.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Both the military and the naval
academy have given renewed evidences
that the officials propose to break up
the practice of hazing. After the les
sons of the past it would seem that any
cadet who had wit enough to keep up
with his class would also have sense
enough to keep out of such scrapes.
One who has neither the wit nor the
disposition to do so will be of small
loss to the service.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
Where Homework Is Done by Males

w mere dOuSeWOrk is Done by Males.
All the work in Buluwayo, both in
the house and out Of it, is done by
men, either Kaffirs, Indian coolies,
Zambezi boys, which are a cross be-
tween Kaftirs and Portuguese. They
are very picturesque in their white cal
leo. A long strip is folded around the
upper part of the legs, brought up be-
tween the knees and folded down in
front. Over these they wear a white
shirt. They have decided penchant
for stand-up collars and a perfect pas
sion for boots. Boots, however, are not
allowed indoors ON account of noise,
The coast boys are excellent cooks and
extremely clean. The Zambezi boys are
actuated 10y the love of money rather
than work. For the sake of coins they
brave the dangers of the terrible
Tsetsa country, infested by flies so poi
sOnous that horses cannot be taken
through it, and, leaving their own land,
where they have every comfort, plenty
to eat and drink and wear, they &c
down to work for white men in South
Africa The boys demand and get very
high wages.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
Something in Reserve.

A young lady had a train to catch,
and chartered a cab, which unfortu-
nately was drawn by a very wretched
horse. Having told cabby that she had
to reach the station in twenty minutes,
away the vehicle dashed at five miles
an hour.
They had barely got fifty yards, how
ever, before the lady put her head out
of the window and requested the driver
to whip the horse, as she would other
wise miss the train. He accordingly
did so.
A little further on she asked him to
administer the whip once more, as the
cab was only just moving. Cabby
again complied. Soon after she said:
Cant you hit him on the head SO as
to wake him up bit?'
Looking at the young lady, the cabby
exclaimed:
'Well, miss, I've it the mammal all
over is bloomin' body except is left
ear, and I'm savin' that for the last
'ilf!'-London Answers.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
A HeIDfuI Hint

"Sir," began the beggar at the res
taurant door, won't you help me to
get a square meal?"
"Nor' snapped the man who had just
come out. But stay! Yes, 1 will.
Here's tip for you. If you succeed in
raising the price of square meal don't
go in that joint for it, for you. won't
GET it,
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Andrew Carnegie's division of gifts
between the country of his birth and
that Of his adoption suggests how easy
it is for a man to move about between
two nations which have the same
language and institutions. Stanley, the
explorer, has divided his life between
England and America. The famous
Smithsonian Institution in Washington
Is the gift of an Englishman; several
Americans occupy professorships in
English colleges.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Make what defense we may in the
consciousness of pure ideals, it cannot
be denied that the money measure, the
Ideal of material success, has thrust il
self into every life and becomes too
much the end and justification of all
teaching. 1t is not wealth from ma
terial attainment that makes nations
live nor brings to them the greatest
happiness. 1t is character. No lesson
in the history of nations is palmer than
this.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
SINGLE TREE HAMMOCK.

The novelty of the hammock shown
in the picture consists in its ability to
keep on the shady side of the tree at
all hours of the day. and it also has
the advantage of being adapted for use
on a single tree or the side of house,
where only one support is available.
OF course, it will not curve from end
to end like the ordinary hammock, but
it has a swinging motion of it's own,
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

The philosophic reader with sense of
humor will be interested in the case of
the parachute manufacturer who was
accidentally locked into his shop by the
janitor the other day. The shop was on
the third floor, and there were para
chutes on every hand. Nevertheless
the manufacturer shouted till he at
tracted attention, and then waited till
the fire department brought a ladder
and took him down.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

"C-h-a-o-s," spelled 4-year-old Margie
slowly; now 1 wonder what that
means?"
"Oh," replied her 6-year-old brother,
with an air of superior knowledge, sit
means a great big pile of nothing and
no place to put it,
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
Amusing the Children.

Mrs. McShantee Griumphantly)-l see
We are takin' in washin' again, Mrs.
McProudee!
Mrs. McProudee (whose husband has
lost a paying job)-Sure, it's only to
amuse tn childer. They wants tn
windies covered wild steam, so they can
make pictures on thim.-New York
Waeklv
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

A New York woman has applied for
q divorce because her husband spanked
her; Chicago judge has advised man
to spank his wife for the purpose of
making her live up to the agreement,
and Denver man has been fined 500
for spanking his wife because the coffee
was full of grounds Sometimes it is
pretty hard to figure out just which
way civilization is headed.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

A Washington scientist has dis
covered that potatoes contain "solanin,"
a substance poisonous to the human
system. That explains why grandpa
dies at the age of 90. He was a great
lover of the Irish lemon.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

One of the many consequences of the
Boer war is the growing uneasiness
among a considerable number OF En-
glishmen as to the defensive powers of
Gibraltar of the rock itself, but of
the harbor and docks, which, from ma
val point of view, are of scarcely less
Importance. Experience in the Trans
vaal has proved that it is exceedingly
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

George Washington was the richest
man in the United States when he died,
yet his wealth amounted to less than
half a million dollars. AS J. Pierpont
Morgan would say, poor old George!
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Mrs. Wabash looks like such a low
able woman"
'Lovable! l should say she was low
ablel That's her long suit. She's had
five husbands in seven yearsP-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
At Commencement.

'"That girl who received all the flow
ers must have taken first-class honors."
ION the contrary, she barely passed
the examinations"
who is that plainly dressed insignifi-
cant-looking little maid over in one cor
ner of the stage?"
"She is the first honor graduate"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
Chances Hands

"What kind of cover is this on your
umbrella?" said the inquisitive friend.
''Well, answered the unblushing per
son, Judging by the way it came into
my possession, and the way it will
probably depart, 1 should say it was
changeable silk"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

There is a negro down South who
claims to be Elijah. Before the thing
goes any further wouldn't it be well for
him and Dowie to get together and
form an Elijah trust?
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
Female Tax Collector

Miss Mary Kuhn has for three years
past been annually elected tax collector
of the borough of Mount Joy, Pa. 1t
is declared that since she has occupied
the Office every cent of taxes has been
collected and promptly turned over to
the proper authorities.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
What He Needed.

Dudelegh-I say, barbah, I'd IKE
some-aw-hair westorah fob me
mustache, doncher know.
Barber-Excuse me, sir, but L thlnk
it's hair originator you want.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
A Matter of Health

When the world is dull and gloomy
And won't go the proper way,
1t is really your stomach
That is ailing, so they say;
And the world would chime with laugh.
ter
Till the ripping echoes wake,
If we only could discover
Just what medicine to take.
Baltimore Sun. -
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
"Um! Can he earn a living?"
An ADVANTAGE.

81 don't get credit for nearly all the
work do" said the young man discon-
tentedly.
WELL" answered his elderly COM
panion in toll, never mind. 1t is just
as well to leave a margin of doubt to
which mistakes may be charged''-
Washington Star.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
: SeQuitur.

De Witt-Yes, my son follows the
medical profession.
Gabbil-With his black clothes and
white lawn tie, he looks more like a
minister than a doctor.
De Witt didn't say he was a doc
tor. He's an undertaker-Philade
Press.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
Sense and Chic,

''Miss Dorothy, why is it you enjoy
golf so much?'
"Oh. it's lust because 1 like some
thing real stylish to get awfully excited
about"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

She-The jeweler says the diamond
in my ring is not genuine.
Um-er-he told me the ring was
real gold. l forgot to ask him about
the stone-New York Weekly.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
Popular Sister.

81 should like to know how many pro-
posals May Rocks has rejected?' said
Miss Murray Hill to Miss Homewood.
Pm sure 1 don't KNOW" was the lat
ter's reply, but 1 understand she has
the largest family of brothers in the
city."-Pittsburg Chronicle.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
Rank and File Needed,

Filipino General-You'll have to come
along with US. We are going to surren-
der.
Filipino Private-Can't you do il
without me?
Filipino General you, how
would it look for forty generals to sur
render without any Chicago
Tribune.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Hell see a new family has moved in
next door.
She-Yes, they moved in to-day.
He-What sort of furniture have
they?
She-I didn't notice.
He-Goodness, dear! What's the mat
ter? Have you been sick?-Philadelphia
Press.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

you ought to think more of others
"But l do. When the first of the
month comes around l am as blue as
can be, wondering what my creditors
will do"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
Shocking Idea.

Philadelphian-Do you mean to say
you eat snails?
Newly Certainly. They are a
great delicacy. Don't you?
Observation-Disclosures, no! 1t would
seem like cannibalism!-Chicago Trib-
INA
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
Nav XIII Him Yet.

"Why, man, you're almost well! What
do you mean by saying you haven't
reached the crisis?"
81 mean, if you want to know, that
the doctor hasn't sent in his bill yeti
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

An Omaha newspaper man remarks
that the real ambition of his life has
always been to have two good pair of
suspenders at one time.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

''He is so cultivated, papa. He can
speak French and German, dances d.
vinely, and plays the piano beautiful
ly."
"Um! Can he earn a livingT
mo. But he said he didn't think that
was necessary"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Didn't you have trouble in getting so
many antiquesY
Dear, me, mol had them made 10
order"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Mrs. Snaggs-I could never under
stand why the Russians call their ruler
the White Gar.
Mr.. Snaggs-I suppose that the hu-
merous plots against his life keeps him
pale all the time-Pittsburg Chronicle.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.

Odd, Curious and Laughab1e Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Por-
trayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Our Own Day-A Budget of Fun.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

"The British Government has issued
a blue book giving the losses and ex-
penses of the Boer war"
"Well, l should think that really
would be a blue book" -Pittsburg
Chronicle.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Times have changed. Did he leave
any insurance." is now asked instead
of, ''Was he prepared"
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05
Exploded.

Smith-What was the cause of the
fire?
Brown-There was a woman's rights
meeting, and
Smith-Ah, see-natural gas explo-
sion.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

A philosopher is a man who believes
that he receives more spiritual intima-
tions than he needs for his own use.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

We hope that when we die we will
not go anywhere where we will run
across yesterday.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

81 suppose you have said some things
you were sorry for?"
"Oh, yes" answered Senator Sor-
ghum. Il have occasionally said ten
dollars when five would have brought
results just as well. Star.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

'High, there" called the valley to the
hill What makes you so stuck up?"
Probably the fact that you are at
my foot" replied the hill.
"Huh!' rejoined the valley. "That re-
minds me of your resemblance to a
Philadelphia maid"
Because why?" queried the hill.
Because you are mostly foot" re-
piled the valley.
Then the hillside and subsidized.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Pessimists are permitted to keep opti-
mists from becoming pessimists.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Tom-Do you believe in palmistry?
May-Yes.
TOm-Give me your hand and l will
tell you who your husband will be.
May-With all my heart.-Moonshine.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Fortunately for both sexes, no shirt
waist trust has been formed as yet.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Girls, don't keep a man waiting for
an answer. He may have another en-
gagement in view.
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

One doesn't have to stick a pin in
hope to make it spring eternal
Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-10-05

Little pitchers often have big prices.