Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1901-03-04
DANGER IN THE BOOK
WHY ONE MAN DREADED THE COM
ING INTO CAMP OF A DICTIONARY.

He DiscreetIy Left Before the vocif-
erousIy Applauded Sentiments He
Expressed In His Speech Could Be
Analysed la Webster.
When the son of the president of the
Big Mountain Lumber company came
into the mountains To learn the bust
ness, so to speak, l knew within 10
minutes that he had come to the
wrong place. He was city chap, new
ly graduated and thoroughly out of
touch with everything mountainous.
He was Il bright fellow. however, and
amply capable, only the mountains
were not the field for his development.
AS time elapsed his distaste grew, and
il was all he could do not to express
his opinion of the mountain people,
their manners, customs. homes, morals
and everything connected with them.
He was wise enough to confide in me
alone and bided his time to get away
to some more congenial cline. And
he got away sooner than he expected.
1t happened that there was a public
meeting one night at the sawmill shed,
and he was called on to make a few
remarks. Every other man at the
meeting except myself, who acted as
chairman, was of the mountains, aud
their illiterate talk had reused the
young college fellow to the limit He
saw a chance to get even. in his own
mind at least. and when the call came
for him he responded promptly. His
speech quite brief, but to the point,
was as follows, copied from his own
manuscript, even the [applauseI part:
my friends, am glad to meet you
on this occasion, for l have wished to
say to you publicly what think of
you, though our acquaintance has not
been long. Coming as a stranger
among you, 1 was only partly prepared
for what was in store. Now, let me
say to you that half has not been told
me. Applause In the internecine
arena your lethiferous conduct has
artounded me by the trucidation and
decision characterizing it among no
men l have ever known. Loud ap-
plause.l In the diversified field of
mendacity your efforts would make
Machiavelli take TO the tall timber.
LUproarious applause.l In all fura-
cious, raptorial and predacious pur-
suits you have done such wonders
that the gifted and great Jonathan
Wild would have felt his 1atrociny
was sounding brass and his direption
tinkling cymbal. [Great applause.l
In the broad expanse of labor your
torpescent oscillation has made you
sui generis among all pandiculate man.
kind. ICheers and shouts of "Good for
us,"l As good livers, your tables
groan beneath their stercoraceous and
impetiginous burden. and as drinkers,
your temnlent bibacity has made the.
era puloiIs reputation of Bacchus to be
a sign of puritanical abstemiousness.
loud applause. AS for yourselves,
take pleasure in saying here to you,
without fear of successful contradic-
ton, that your nugacity is forever
established: as observers of the law,
your aberrance is terra tological. and
personally you are a cohesive concat-
enation of rubigant exuviR. that /
tSke especial pleasure in believing does
not exist elsewhere on earth. IVocif-
'erous applause.l
When the enthusiasm had cooled
down somewhat, he proceeded to speak
on the subjects before the meeting ard
sat down. The mountaineers were
pleased to death with the college mans