The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1901-02-14
DANGER In THE BOOK
WHY ONE MAN DREADED THE COM
ING INTO CAMP OF A DICTIONARY.

He'DiscreetIy Left Before the VOcif-
erOusIy Applauded Sentiments He
Expressed In His Speech Could Be
Analysed a Ia Webster.
When the son of the president of the
Big Mountain Lumber company came
into the mountains to learn the bust
ness, so to speak, l knew within 10
minutes that he had come to the
wrong place. He was city chap, new
ly graduated and thoroughly out of
touch with everything mountainous.
He was bright fellow, however, and
amply capable, only the mountains
were not the field for his development.
As time elapsed his distaste grew, and
it was all he could do not to express
his opinion of the mountain people,
their manners, customs, homes, morals
and everything connected with them.
He was wise enough to confide in me
alone and bided his time to get away
to some more congenial cline. And
he got away sooner than he expected.
1t happened that there was a public
meeting one night at the sawmill shed,
and he was called on to make a few
remarks. Every other man at the
meeting except myself, who acted as
chairman, was of the mountains, aud
their illiterate talk had reused the
young college fellow to the limit. He
saw chance to get even, in his own
mind at least, and when the call came
for him he responded promptly. His
speech, quite brief, but to the point,
was as follows, copied from his own
manuscript, even the [applause] part:
"My friends, l am glad to meet you
on this occasion, for l have wished to
say to you publicly what l think of
you, though our acquaintance has not
been long. Coming as a stranger
among you, | was only partly prepared
for what was in store. Now, let me
say to you that half has not been told
me. Applause In the internecine
arena your lethiferous conduct has
artounded me by the trucidation and
decision characterizing it among no
men l have ever known. loud ap-
plauSe.l In the diversified field Of
mendacity your efforts would make
Machiavelli take to the tall timber.
[Uproarious appiause.] In all fura-
cious, raptorial and predacious pur-
suits you have done such wonders
that the gifted and great Jonathan
Wild would have felt his latrociny
was a sounding brass and his direption
a tinkling cymbal. [Great applause
In the broad eXpanse of labor your
torpeScent oscillation has made you
sui generis among all pandculate man
kind. [Cheers and shouts of Good for
us!'l AS good livers, your tables
groan beneath their stercoraceous and
impetiginous burden, and as drinkers,
your temulent bibacity has made the
crapulous reputation of Bacchus to be
n sign of puritanical abstemiousness.
Loud applause AS for yourselves, l
take pleasure in saying here to you,
without fear of successful contradic-
ton, that your nugacity is forever
established; as observers of the law,
your aberrance is genealogical, and
personally you are a cohesive concat-
enatiOn of rubigant exuvia, that I
take especial pleasure in believing does
not exist elsewhere on earth [Vocif-
erous applause. ]"
When the enthusiasm had cooled
down somewhat, he proceeded to speak
on the subjects before the meeting and
sat down. The mountaineers were
pleased to death with the college mans
high flown speech about them. and
though | didn't know the meaning of
all the big words he used l did know
that he had been calling them liars and
murderers and thieves and scoundrels
and drones and lawless drunkards, be-
sides condemning their fare and anath-
ematizing the lot of them personally.
But not one of them suspected, and l
was hoping nothing would come of it
and they would forget, even if any Of
the large words were remembered,
when one day a book agent drove up
to the office in a blackboard and an
noGnced that he was selling 1Vebsters
Unabridged Dictionary for 50 a copy
and showed a sample that was as big
as box of soap.
Nobody had ever seen so much book
for the money, nor had anybody ever
seen dictionary in that neighborhood,
and when the agent began to tell what
valuable thing it was to be in every
family the men became interested, and
it wasn't long until the agent had sold
% copies, to be delivered the following
week. When he had gone away with
his sample, | called the young man
into the private office for consultation
Don't say word" he began as
soon as he had closed the door, II
know exactly where l am at, and
I'll be some place else before Mr.. Web
ster arrives to throw any light on my
recent remarks | am not shedding
any tears, and in order that the die
tonary buyers and others may know
just what think of them shall leave
two dozen copies of my speech for dis
uibution on the morning of my de-
parture."
He did just as he said he would, and
it was a good thing for him that he
never came back any more.-W. Il.
hampton in Washington Star.
That's All.
Il. AI.aL