davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25

When MT. Gladstone was alive. he was once discussing with some friends at Hawarden castle the greatest day in the worlds history. Each member of the group was asked to say on which day he, in the past or the future, would prefer to live. it being supposed that he should have his present knowledge and afterward return to his present exist ence. Mir. Gladstone chose 2 day in Greece when Athens was at it's highest glory
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
His Reason.

"Why should a woman take a mans name when she marries him?"
 Well, as long as she takes every thing else, she might as well take that, Press.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25

Polly, dear, suppose were to shoot at a tree with five birds on it, and kill three, how many would there be left?" Polly (aged 6)-Three, please.
 Teacher-No-two would be left.
 Polly-No, there wouldn't. The three shot would be left and the other two would be flied away.-Tit-Bits
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
EeIiUhtfuI Man.

He-Going shopping, Miss Wander welt?
 She-Yes. Pm going to buy some pretty pictures for my room.
 He-Why don't you buy a half-dozen mirrors? Then you would see pretty picture whichever way you turned.- Summerville Journal.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Threatened the Preacher.

Apreacherin Southern Missouri, after having announced that he would preach the following Sunday on Hell and Who Will Go There" received several letters from parishioners threatening dire vengeance in case he dared to make use of their names.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Both.

Dr. Ende-There's nothing serious the matter with Patsy, Mrs. Mulcahy. I think little soap and water will do him as much good as anything.
 Mrs. Mulcahy-Yis, docther; an will Oi give 1t t him befoor or afther his males ?-Leslie's Weekly.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
ThR Eenuel.

'NThat settles it, Danks. Our land lady has been reading about Loeb's salt cure."
 What now?"
 "We'u get salt herring breakfasts every morning until the berry season." Philadelphia North American.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
An Inconsistent Liar.

Bosling-Oh, well. all horse dealers are more or less tricky.
 Gosling-Yes, but this one was the most bold-faced liar ever saw. First, he told me the horse was perfectly sound, and in the very next breath he admitted 1t was ell-broken.-Philadel- phia Press.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Food, Not Work.

Farmers Wife-Why don't you eat that piece of steak sent out for you?
 Tramp Gndignantly)-I didn't ask for work, ma'am; asked for something to eat.-Pick-Me-Up.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
sIgns of Appropriation.

"Mr. Simpkins and our daughter must be engaged"
 Do they seem fond of each other" "No, but he has begun to find fault with her."-Chicago Record.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
A Different Point of View.

Willie (crylng) - Mamma - boohoo- Joe hit me with great big brick. Boo hoOi
 Mamma-And what did you do to him. dear?
 Willie-I nit him gently with that same little brick he threw at me- Harper's B1Zar.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25

When a great mans age is told, it inspires a hope in all those younger aQd a feeling of Encouragement in those who are older.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Fore ewarned.

You can't believe more than half you hear"
 (Which half of what you tell me shall I belieye?"
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Information AIways on Tan.

Josiah" said Mrs. Chugwater, "when one of the big battleships runs aground how do they get it off?'
 "They pull it off with tug of war;" answered MT. Chugwater T should think you'd know enough to know Tribune.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Night in Chicago.

Conductor-Why didn't you stop for them three fellers that signaled?
 Motorman-I got my weeks salary in me pocket, and you bet I ain't takin' chances like that!-Puck.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
The Ring of a Bluff.

Mistress-Honora, didn't I see MT. Skyler kiss you this morning?
 Maid-I'm astonished, Mrs. Skyler, that you should think of such thing! MT. Skyler of all men! Why, you know, he never kisses even you.-Boston Transcript.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
A Big Sponge.

The largest sponge ever sent to mar ket was from the Mediterranean. It was ten feet in circumference and three in diameter.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Cold.

He-l have been longing for this mo- ment, Miss Flossie, when I can lay my burning heart at your feet.
 Flossie-Oh, it's very good of you my feet are so cold.-Ally Sloper.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Too Bad.

Mrs. Mann-That young Mr. Childers is dead. It was awfully sudden. Isn't it too bad?
 MT. Mann-And he was getting along so famously at coloring his neer- schaum-Transcript
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
In Missouri.

Clerk-That train robber says he won't pay his bill.
 Missouri Grocer-Well, then, I Lup- pose we'll have to garnishee the rail- road company.-Puck.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
The First Rule,

New. Boarder-CaH I get my meals on time?
 Landlady-No; you will have to pay h advance.-Harlem Life.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Mankind,s EnHH.

They talk about the busy bee
 In moral accents strong, We'd work all summer, too, if we Could loaf all winter long. Washington Star.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Ham, pered. never talks SlanCn

"Iua never taIkS SIang."
 "Then that's it. I wondered why it was she could never make herself un- derstood. ."-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Bad Form,

"Listenw he whispered.
 Marjorie pressed his hand softly.
 "Not now" she said Tt is bad form to listen while the piano is playing"'- Detroit Journal.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
One Point of Difference.

What's the matter with you?" asked the sympathetic friend; "an attack of grip"
 No, this isn't grip. haven't time to stay at home and send for a doctor. This is simply bad cold" ."-Washing- ton Post.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
To Be Expected.

''You fellows" complained the King of Beasts, don't seem to be properly impressed when I start to describe my adventures"
 "Ah?' replied the diplomatic hyena, "your stories are wonderful, but then we know you are a Hon.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
SAYINGS AND DO.
 INGS HERE AND THERE

Jokes and Joke1ets that Are Supposed
 to Have Been Recently Born-Sayings and Doings that Are Old, Curious and
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Their Verdict.

Judge-Gentlemen of the jury, what is your verdict?
 Irish Foreman-We foind that the mon who stole the horse is not guilty.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
A Regular Thing,

Daughter" said Mir. Giddings, ''is that young MT. Dinsmore a man of regular habits?"
 "Oh, yes, papa" replied Miss Gid dings. "He proposes regularly every Thursday night. .'-Detroit Free Press.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Conspicuous Bravery.

Friend-Stormington is heroic actor, isn't he?
 Comedian-You bet he is! Why, on several occasions I've seen him keep right on acting till he was fired uponr Puck.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Recognized the American.

Judge Hicks, of Minneapolis, being in London, inquired his way of a police man.
 You're from Hamerica?"
 "Yes, sir"
 "You can't 'ide the haccent." t."-Boston Christian Register.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Punished.

"What are you reading, Dorie" "Papa's poems"
 Been naughtyT-Punch.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25

Thu world is becoming funnier and funnier every day.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25

Mrs. Hayseed-Land sakes! they've got to. Think of the rents they pay.- New York Weekly.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25

My brother, the prize fighter, has put a dozen men to sleep"
 'That's nothing. My brother, the preacher, puts the whole congregation to sleep.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25

There are some people who always discover a mistake when 1t is too late to rectify 1t.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25

What animal is it that is web b-footed, TommieY"
 ''The spider, ma'am." - Yonkers Statesman.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Gets UD Early.

Jimmy-What time do yer have ter get ter work?
 Johnny-Oh, any time I like as long as l ain't later than oclock-Harper's Bazaar.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
ADreadfuI State off Aff ,irs.

He-Well, we can't believe more than half we hear.
 She-Oh, worse than that; can't be- lieve more than half say.-Life.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Accounting for Their Activity.

MT. hayseeu-1nese New 1ofkefs jes' rush theirselves to death. Why on earth do they kill themselves that
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Signs of Appropriations.

MT. SImpKInS dnU Our UdHgnleI must be engaged"
 Do they seem fond of each otherT ''No; but he has begun to find fault with her."
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25

"Well, 1t was billed as a drama, but 1t was a farce before they got trough Philadelphia Bulletin.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
No Wonder.

Barnestorm-Yes; poor Banter has gone crazy as loon. The part he had to play was too much for him.
 Buskin-What was he playing, Jekyn and Hyde?
 Barnestorm-No; Monte Cristo," at SIP per week and six weeks salary due.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25

Mother-My dear boy, I'm so glad to have you home again. suppose you were where the balls were thickest?
 Soldier Son-Yes, mother; the high balls.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25

Isaac-Well, sah, dunno. My folks say it's woss and her folks say it's bet
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
A Good HauI

EdIth-How was the season at Bar Harbor?
 Mabel-Just lovely! I got eight en- gagement rings and only three had to be returned.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
The Point of View.

Parson-Will you hab her for bettah CT Woss?
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Getting at His Finances.
FirSt t houcht.

Owner-Here! What are you doing In my safe?
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
He Puts Men to Sleep.

be returned.
Holbrook argus., 1901-05-25
Pa hos Mixed with the Humor.

"Was the amateur play a drama or a fo
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23

Tabler's Buckeye Pile Ointment is
not panacea, but is recommended FOR
blind, bleeding or protruding piles,
and IL will cure the most obstinate
cases. Price so cents In bottles. Tubes
75c, at Peoples Drug Store. DIV
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23
KANSAS WHISKY STILL.
"DeviPs juice" to be Manufactured
In Carrie Nations State.

A party OF Missourian capital
lists have purchased land near
Parsons, Kansas, and will erect a
distilIery for the manufacture of
whisky, for medicinal purposes
only.
The elastic constitution of the
bleeding commonwealth prohibits
the sale or manufacture of intoxi-
cants for other than medicinal
purposes.
The proposed distillery will sup
ply the many sick who are expect-
ed to develop assorted ailments
concurrently with its establish
ment.
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23
United Veterans Reunion.

The third annual reunion OF the
United Veterans OF America and the
Veterans Sons encampmentof OF the In
dian territory will takeplace at Wag-
oner 10 connection with the great
street fair Sept. 25 to 2s, inclusive.
Tents will be erected to acoomodate
all visiting veterans and suitable pro-
grams are being prepare0 for -each
days cajoyment The htch strIn@- &
every door ia Waeoncr vill be burg
oa the outside and every one IS inyltei
is parllcipate in the great tai iest-
val.
Excursion rates can be ootained
over all railroads.
Remember the dates-September
18th to 2Sth, inclusive.
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23

Joe Davis is now occupying his
handsome new tonsorial parlor south
OF Post Onice, where he would be
pleased to see all Of his old patrons.
All METROPOLITAN conYenlences. II
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23

Modish gowns FOR faliand winter
will be desFned BY Mrs. Perry Bee
son and Mis- Alpha lllnsaall at Mrs.
Blackstonef' on Wilson street. north
OF Frisco tricks sol
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23
RESERVE AGENTS
Named for Territorial Banks by
I Comptroller of the Currency.

The comptroller of the currency
has designated the Continental
National bank, ST. Louis, as re-
serve agent for the Ardmore Ma
tional bank, Ardmore, /. T.; the
Hanover National bank, New
York, for the Eufaula National
bank, Eufaula, |. T., and the Ma
tional Bank of Commerce, St
Louis, for the Marietta National
bank, Marietta, /. 7.
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23

If you are troubled with inodorous
breath heart burn, flatulency, head
ache, aridity, pains after eating, loss
OF appetite, persistent melancholy, or
low spirits. you need tonic. A few
doses Of Herbine will give you the re-
Operative force TO remove these dis
orders. Price SO cents at Peoples Drug
Store. DIV
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23

Great consternati0n was felt by the
friends Of NJ. A. Hogarty OF Lexing-
ton, Ky., when they saw he was turn
ing yellow. His skin slowly changed
color, also his eyes, and he suffered
terribly His malady was yellow
jaundice. He wes treated by the best
doctors, but without benefit. Then
he VS. advised tatry Electric Bitters
the wonderful somach and liver
rem edy, aud he whites: "Afler taxi
itg two bottles IS entirely cured. r
Il trial proyes is ffatchiess merit for
Al stt maca.si,efa kidney troubles
taif -oc Sid 4 Peoples Dfos
Store. and a. ~ "a l.man's du
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23
CONVENTION CLOSES.
SuccessfuI Meeting Of Workers Of
Christian Church at South
McAIester.

The Fourth Annual convention
of the Christian Church of the
Indian Territory, was closed Sat-
urday evening with an address by
G. A. Hoffman, of St. Louie, ed
itor of the Central Christian Reg
lister.
The convention was the largest
in the history of the church in the
territory. and great interest was
manifested throughout its pro-
ceedings. The following officers
were elected for the ensuing year !:
S. B. Dawes, president, Musko-
gee, /. t.; j. c. Howell, vice.
president, South McAlester, |. II /;
Il. X. Dean recording secretary
and treasurer, South McAlesler, /.
T.; w. S. Ambrose. superintend-
ent of Christian Endeavor work,
South McAlester, /. T.; l.. B.
Grogan, evangelist Of Southern
district, Chickasha, l. T.;
l.. B. Roberts, corresponding
secretary of board northern
district, Vinila, l. It.
With but few exceptions, the
personnel remained as before. The
following compose the member
ship Of the new board: S. b..
Dawes, j. G. Howell, f. G. Rob-
erts, w. S. Ambrose, L. r. Dean,
L. B. Grogan. w. H. Windes,
Muskogee; j. l.. Bohart, Chicka-
sha; j. G. HolIeman, Stilwell; j..
II. Shepherd, Hartshorne.
Reports submitted by the field
workers TO the convention, show
a membership Of over 5000 in the
Indian Territory. A large in
crease since the last convention.
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23
vINITA

Train 20S. Going East. .5:4S D. No.
For st. Louis, Kansas City.
Springfield and all North and
Eastern points.
Train 207, Coing.West ..11:26 am.
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23

We can tell what makes yuur eyes
blur and your head swim. Your are
bilious and DIR. Caldnell's Syrup Pep
sin will cure you or the manufactures
will refund you the purchase price.
Sold by Peoples drug store dw
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23

workers to the convention, show
a membership of over 5000 in the
Indian Territory. A large in
crease since the last convention.
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23

The new Racket store, in Raymond
building, is the cheapest place for
notions, stationary and school sup
plies. Ed Rose, the Jeweler. 29s
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1901-09-23
ED. LEE MANUFACTURING co.

still headquarters general hardware prices ha
defy high rents. and stock is and complete We
do plumbing and do it right. Tin work. galvanized ror
work and everything lne For this fall will have
world beater in heating stove something unexceIled
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-03-23
TALK OF PULPIT AND PEW.

Mir. F.. P. Coleman has served the Missionary union as treasurer for, 32 years.
 There will be Pan-American Bible study congress Tn Buffalo, meeting at the city convention hall July 17-31.
 Bishop MooSe, of the Methodist Episcopal church, states that the lum- Der for the rebuilding of Picking must come from Oregon.
 A striking feature of the new Church of St. John the Baptist, Pitts burgh, will be the bell tower or cam panile, six stories high. The tower will be 135 feet high to the caves, to which should be added Is feet to the top of the cross.
 A memorial window has been placed in St. Paul's Episcopal church, Peters burg, Va, in memory of the late Bishop Wingfeld, of northern Cali fornia, whose first rectorship was at Petersburg. The subject of the win dow is the conversion of Saul.
 Minister Wu Ting Fang, Chinese representative fin Washington, de. clines agafr 4B deliver his notable ad- dress oT CpA fleius. He was asked to do 50 for the benefit of 8 Kansas Chautauqsfa assembly, but refused, saying: ~When talk of Confucfus people seem to think am attack ing Christianify, aud | dQ hot care to A &kua a4n1 sss A V VI sss <; <,
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-03-23
THE WHIPPING G POST.
Penalty for Men Who Desert Their
 Wives and Families.
Evil h IncreaAinr in All Parts of the Country, But More Especially in Our Cities-MOre RiEid
 Laws Needed.

The establishment of the whipping post as punishment for men who beat or desert their wives is suggest ed by officers of the Chicago bureau of charities in statement issued re- gently. The statement reads in part as follows: -.- From charitable societies all over the land comes a cry of alarm at the prevalence of family desertion by husbands and fathers. Whether this evil is increasing in proportion to the population is not established, but cer- tain it is that reports of organiza tions engaged in charitable work in- dicate a growing interest in the sub ject. Three different opinions are ex- pressed. One holds that the propor tions of assertions to population is not increasing, but that more thor Cugh study of conditions is bringing the facts into new prominence. An other holds that laNity in marriage and divorce laws is begetting a wide spread disregard of family ties and obligations, and that the remedy lies in stricter laws and their rigid en- | forcement.- The third opinion noted maintains that the influx of large numbers of ignorant foreigners is re- | sponsible for an abnormal increase | in the evil.
 "It is asserted that these persons, coming from countries in which mar riage and divorce laws are extremely restrictive, are subject to a moral re- action which converts liberty into li- | cenSe.
 'The holders of this opinion believe in the enactment of more rigid laws, but place their faith chiefly in the educational value of our churches, schools and other republican institu- tions. The contention of those who hold to the third opinion appears to
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-03-23


 receive support in the fact that an extremely large proportion of deser- tions is reported among certain classes of foreigners who have not been long in America and who for merly lived under conditions of great severity. An idea of the magnitude of the evil may be gained from the statement that in the last year the Chicago bureau of charities was called upon to deal with 6O5 families left destitute by the desertion of the husband; the county agent of Cook county gave aid to 1000 such families, and the Chicago Relief and Aid so- ciety to about 480.
 "This is the record for one year of only three of the many societies in Chicago which are conducting char itable work in this city. Iu March of last year the county agent issued material relief to 664 deserted fami- lies. The statistics from other large cities indicate that similar conditions exist elsewhere.
 Jaws for compelling men to sup port their families are not lacking, but no effective method of enforcing them has been devised. Ordinarily a man who deserts his family goes at once beyond the jurisdiction of courts competent to deal with him. The ordinary legal provision for cor recting this evil consists of trial by means of which court is led to or. der the offender to contribute a fixed weekly or monthly sum for the SUD- port of his family, failing in which he is to be committed to jail until he gives satisfactory evidence of an in- tention to obey the courts mandate.
 "The inf1iction of this penalty in- wolves the support of the man at pub- lie cost, and brings no help to the family. In one of the European coun- tries men who refuse to support their families are placed in confinement at hard labor, and their earnings are ap- | piled to the maintenance of their de- l pendents. This method seems to have several distinct advantages. In its report for last year the Associ- ated Charities of Los Angeles pub | fishes plea for the establishment. of Q whipping post for the punishment l of men who beat or desert their 1 wives. 'This plea cites the example of Delaware, where, it is asserted the l whipping post has made the offense l oS wife desertion one of the rarest crimes. We have no hesitancy in pre- l ferring the European plan for deal ing with this great evil. and beg to suggest that the subject is one ] worthy of legislative consideration"
Waterbury Democrat., 1901-03-23
he urnbull
 40-53 South Main Street.
r Saturday Night and
 Monday.

Manufacturers stock of Fine Petticoats tonight for spot cash at onethird to onehaf less At 20 cents-Petticoats with rutie worth $1OO.
 At 9S cents-Fne Morine Finish, with three ruf1es, worth S1.5O.
 At $125-Fine Mercerized Satteen, with cording and accordion plating, worth $2OO.
 At S1.49-EXtra Mercerized Sateen Corded and rutted worth $2.5O
 At $2.5O-Fine All Wool and Silk Moreem, worth $5.5O
 30 Handsome Rainy Day Walking Skirts $2.9S to $69S, half what these servceabe goods usually sold
 10 Handsome Waterproof Coats with Capes, $6OO, at $2.5O
 10 Heavy All Wool Homespun Suits, large sizes, we'll tailored, $125O, S49S.
 50 dozen Ladies' Fine Shirt Waists that generally retail from 75c to $2.5O including lawns black and White percales. with handsome embroidery and lace at the ridiculous price of 43c.
 p dozen Misses Percalc Waists, usually sold at soc to 75c, 39c
 Handsome Rainy Day Skirts, $9.9S. at S59S. p Handsome Tailor Made Suits Eton Jackets. flare skirt splendidy made usually sold at $15O0 to $250Q at S1O.OO and $l3.OO
 10000 yards Fine Hamburg Edgng and Insertion at 21ac, worth 5c: at 5c, worth 1Oc; 1Oc, 15c, 15c, worth 25c.