Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1901-09-05
Healed BY Humbug.

have performed some wonderful feats
Of curing by methods which would not
be recorded in the Lancet.
"Of course, among doctors clients
are many whose ailments exist only in
their imagination, and not few of
them are positive cranks.
"Only month ago man called to
see me in state Of great distress. He
assured me that he had got frog in
his inside. He had swallowed it in a
condition Of infancy in glass of i'm
pure water some months earlier and
it had grown to an enormous size. He
was sure that it would be the death
of him if he could not get rid Of it.
"In vain I pointed out that the frog
existed only in his own fancy. He
grew furious at the suggestion and
said that l was as incompetent and
unsympathetic as all the other doctors
he had consulted.
"At last, to get rid of the man, l
said: Very well, you may be right
after all. At any rate, come here
again at this time tomorrow and we
will see what can be done
He came at the appointed time and
I told him that an operation would be
necessary, to which he gladly consent
ed. l made him lie down on a couch,
administered chloroform, and when
he recovered consciousness was able
to show him a very large and frisky
frog as the result of the operation.
His delight was unbounded and he
went away blessing me for saving his
life. Of course, he had no suspicion
that the frog had been especially i'm
ported for his benefit.
Another Of my patients has to
thank me for preserved eyesight, at
least so he is kind enough to say. He
informed me that tin tack which he
had been hammering had sprung up
and lodged in his right eye, causing
him infinite pain-and certainly the
mans eye, from constant rubbing, was
in a state Of great Inflammation.
~ examined the eye carefully, but
could find no trace of any foreign sub
stance in it, and as for there being a
tin tack buried in it the idea was pre-
Iosterous. However, as l saw the
man was convinced the tack was there
and was making himself i'll with anx-
iety about it, l suggested small op-
Grafton. A few minutes preparation
was all that was necessary. Fortu-
nately one of my boys had a magnet
which l discovered, and attaching this
to battery l held it in proximity to
the mans eye.
within few seconds my efforts
were rewarded, for / was able to show
my patient very vicious-looking tin
tack (Which l had taken from the
drawing-room carpet, and had the
satisfaction of sending him away to
advertise my skill among his friends.
Zone good lady, who is small and
constant annuity to me, vows that l
am the 'cleverest doctor in town, and
has sent me crowds of patients. She
is one of those people who are always
imagining they have some new ailment;
indeed, l think by this time she must
almost have exhausted all the ills that
flesh is heir to, and will have to be-
gin again.
"Of course, there is nothing what
ever the matter with her except iEdo-
lence, which is the mother of all kinds
of disorders, real and fanciful. For
tunately for everyone lam able to pro-
vide a specific, which never fails to
cure her in few weeks. The curious
thing is that, with a slight variation
in coloring and flavor, the medicines
are always the same and contain moth
ing more potent than a little sugar,
with tablespoonful of wine or spirit.
"Some people would say that it is
wrong to deceive patient in this way
but l cannot see it, since women are
never happy unless they are under
the doctors hands, and if one man
won't doctor, then another will. My
medicines certainly do them good, if
only in Imagination, and in this par
ticular case do not cost my patient
tenth part of the money she spends
on her pet dogs.
"You did not know that it is posi-
bic to turn mans head completely