Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-01-19
- Tsa-Tab!e Salad. -

tees Nhy-eF-nomme de terre
d Amour. of course.'-Life.
The Stern Father-"Have you any
means, young man-any expectations"
The Suitor-"I certainly had when |
came III 10 see you. Boston Transcript.
Housekeeper-"See here, | ordered Il
dozen eggs this morning and YOU only
sent me ten Dealer-'Wen, ma'am
two of EN- were bad, and l didn't think
you'd want 'em."-Philadelphi Record
Mistress (severely)-"If such thing
occurs again, NOrah. l shall have To get
would; there's easily enough work fer two
of us.'-Tt-3its.
Lucky Bingies.-'' Bingles is lucky
man; his time goes right on whether he is
waking or sleeping, sick or we'll" What
IS Bingles' business?" Matchmaker
Columbus 90 State Journal
Rev. Windley-'Now that Lent is an
preaching you should think Of perform
ing some penitential act" Miss Pert
"Oh, | do. l expect to come and hear
YOU preach every Sunday. -Philadelphia
Record.
Mrs. Renham-"Not one woman in n
thousand marries the man she wants"
Benham-"She don't want TO marry the
man she wants. She wants to marry the
man some other woman wants. Brook
lyn Life.
I'm sorry, John. but the moths have
eaten a hole through the pocket of your
winter coat" Through the nocket
chg returned the husband '1'H bet
they were female moths. '-Philadephia
Record.
Clara-'T wonder how Matte came to
marry Fred Somerby?" Bertha-"The
most natural reason in the world. Fred
had an overcoat that was perfect
match for Mattie's new gown. Boston
Transcript.
Had Paid for It.-"There goes man
with a very interesting history" said
the clerk in the bookstore. You don't
say inquired the customer. How DO
you know Il just sold it to him
Philadelphia Press.
Fond Parent-"Goodness: how you
Parent-"What, with your new trousers
on?" Frankie-"I didn't have time pa,
to take 'em off."-1it-Bits.
Fatal Candor- Suitor-"Yes, sir. l as
sure you, would be glad to marry your
daughter, even if she were poor as Il
church mouse" Mr.. Moneybags-"T That
family. Philadelphia Press. -
How 1t Was Done.-Freshleigh--
Pray, how did you become ossiicd -
Ossitied Man-"In my youth l was nice
and soft like you; when | grew up and
realized what a cruel world this is. be-
came hardened. Ohio State Journal.
Doctor" said the student of medicine
to his teacher, what should | do to pre-
vent a patient from dying on my hands 2"
AS soon as you are convinced that
the case is hopeless, be sure to recon-
mend change of climate. Town Top
les.
Markley-"Yes, I'll dispose Of my prop
erty in Swampsmere at Il sacrifice. 1t
cost me So a foot"
Starkley-'Whatll you sell for?'
Markley-"I guess I'll have to sell for
about $3.50 a gallon. Philadelphia
Press.
Too Much for -Bobbs-"Old
Man Rocks doesn't seem worried he
cause his boy is in the hands of kid
napers. Seems to think they'll turn him
loose without ransom DobbS-"YcS.
You see, the lad is boy orator. BALI
more American.
Mamma-"Ethel, l must really forbid
you touching that lobster-you know it
does not agree with YOU
Ethel (resignedly)-"Ver we'll, mann
ma; but 1t does seem as if everything in
this world that is nice is either wicked
or indigestible. Life.
Juliet-"Dearie, did you post that let.
ter | gave you this morning. Jack
"Of course-frst thing, as soon as l got
let (triumphantly)-"Hh! there I've
caught you. | didn't give you any let
ILLUSTRATED Bits.
HoOlahan-"That coo-cOo clock av
yours is out of order
O'Callahan Gndignantly)-''I is not"
O'Hoolahan-"It is thot! The wills
ties jist blew 1 o'clock, an didn't thot
COO" brooklyn Eagle.
''Man 3" said tho un-to-do+n r,aiJon sc
but a mixture of arrogance, tobacco and
football statistics" Woman" answered
the end-of-the- century man, lis no more
than a compound of vanity, cosmetics
and golf poses" And they they were
married-Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Bigwad-'' Maria, I'm beginning to
think / was a great financier"
Mrs. Bigwad-"What do YOU mean 2"
Mr.. Bigwad-'Why. in the eighteen
National bank, nobody got away with
any money. Brooklyn Life.
Towne-,"That boy of Jones is older
than he looks. isn't hep"
Browne-.I don't think so. Why"
IoWne-"l saw him out skating today
and he never once tried to see how near
he could go to the danger sign without
falling in. ''-Philadelphia Press.
Johnny. what became Of the
piece of cake | left on this plate?"
Johnny (aged OIL gave it TO a poor
hungry, little. boy, mamma" That's
right. dear; I'm glad to see you are in
clined TO be charitable. But who was
the poor little fellow?' Me"-Chicago
News.
DO all the angels have wings. mann
maT'
YES, dear"
DO the little angels have wings, too,
mammal"
Yes, dear
Couldn't YOU get me one for my best
hat, mammal"
Il want to return this dog to the gent
what owns him. seen his 'ad' in the
paper" said the rough-looking man at
the door,
How did you guess it was a gent
tina. put the ad' in?' asked the woman.
Cause it said: No questions asked "
Boston Globe.
The Casual Caller came in and re-
marked TO the Snake Editor:
You didn't print that poem | sent
you
Good guess
I. -