Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1901-08-17
THE SODA WATER CLERK.
The y rIals and Tribulatiods Of This
Meek Dispenser of the Sparkling
Fluid.

Meek Dispenser OF the Sparkling
Fluid.
Consider now the meek and humble
soda fountain clerk.
Who draweth off the moisted air
with MIN BILE turn and jerk.
HIS garb is always spotless white
when first he puts it on,
But, 10, before an hour has passed
it's spotlessness has gone.
For then he hath vanilla on the
bosom of his vest. aud streaks of red
raspberry makes his trousers seem a
jest,
While chocolate and ginger gives a
tiger-l like effect TO the balance of the
garments III which he is proudly
decked.
His hair is limp and languid, and is
parted square and true.
Above the very centre of his nose,
which turneth blue,
Because he hath to linger IN the
acid and the ice, to mix up funny
mixtures for the one that hath the
price
He maketh strange concoctions in
the lire of fancy drinks. and all the
while he watcheth for persuasive
sorts of winks
From early morn he twisleth at the
soad water spout and turneth the ice
crusher till the ice h ath given out.
He diggeth in the ice cream and he
rushefh with the glass while his
deadly hated rival buys the soda for
the lass
Yes, verify, the soda clerk he hath
sorry time, for he must know the
way to get nine cents out of each
dime,
And he must be hustler. that
there will not be loss of Ice or gas
or water, or he'll tremble at the boss.
But, ah, alas, my son, sometimes he
feeleth very bad, and then is when
the ladies come with earmets rich
and glad.
The ladies fill the rockers and the
doorways and the stools. and insist
upon q liquid that both elevates and
cools
And one declareth that she'd like
some chocolate with cream, and when
he draweth IT, straiRhtway "Oh. no !
the maid doth scream.
And then she voweth that she hath
already changed her mind and wanted
just phosphate with piece of lem
~ 1tif
And, YET, again the other maids de-
clare they do not know just whit
they wish--and on and on their mild
objections flow.
The weary soda fountain clerk sug
gesteth this and that from plain old
emon phosphate TO a dose of antl-fat.
And finally the ladies fair with one
consent conclude that chocolate and
cream shall be their soda fountain
food
Now, when he draweth all the
drinks, his troubles are not done
Nay, verify, my trusting child, they
are but half begun;
For each and everv maiden there
doth straightway rise and say;
Now girls, I'll think it's awful if
you do not let me paw -
And all protest, and all object and
all their plans defend.
And not one takes out her purse
her lovely cash to spend.
Now, finally, the soda clerk sug-
gested that each maid shall paw for
what She drank-and then beginneth
the TRADE.
For all the ladies VOW in wrath
yea, yen, they almost sob-that they
viii his employer see, and take from
him his job.
And then they take their parsols
and sterniy go away, and not cent
of all that bill do thew take steps to
pay.
| The gentle soda fountain clerk, he
falleth in a daze and leaneth ON the
vichy tube, and wicked things he says
| Is this not true, just as we have
composed it, with much work?
1t surely is-and if you doubt, go
ask the soda clerk.