Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1901-11-02

Chicago Post.
Mrs. Gaswell-The Car of Russia
now has four daughters. Mr.. Gaswell-
oh. the dear little Czardines!-Pitts.
burg Chronicle.Telegraph.
Mother-Where's papa? Flossie--
He's downstairs. Mother-What's he
doing? Flossie-llis bicycle Is out of
breaff, and he's giving 1t some more!
outside the Fence: Swipesey-Did
youse see de last baseball game? Shorty
Yes, all but de last Inning. Den's
when de limb broke.--Ohio State Jour.
nal.
Her Mother--Edith, don't you think
you are getting too old to play with lit.
tie boysY Edith-No, mamma; the old.
er get the better like them.-Tit.
Bits.
"There are forty counties in our
state" remarks a Texas paper, that
resemble heaven IN at least one Import.
ant partIcular--there isn't a lawyer In
any Of them"
II should think the Sphinx girls would
feel the disgrace. Their father has been
proved q common thief" Nothing Of
the sort. Why, he appropriated nearly
q quarter Of million"
Hopeless Task: Larry--Bedad! OF
don't think much av this coal oil exter.
mlnator for mosquitoes. Denny-Yez
dOn'ti Larry-No; 1t takes too long to
dip aich wan In til oil separately.-Chl.
cago News.
II hope you appreciate the fact, sir.
that In marrying my daughter you mar.
ry a large-henrted, generous girlY' II
do, sir with emotiOnJ; and hope she
inherits those qualities from her faith.
er."-Ift- Bits.
Diplomacy: First Boy-lt's o'clock.
Let's 60 home. Second Boy--Nit! II
we 60 home now we'll git licked fer
stayin' SO late. II we stay till eight
we'll git Rugged and kissed fer not bein
drOwned.-Puck.
Crawford-Did your wife have a good
time In the country? Crabshaw-No
the only thing that reconciled her wa,
the thought that she stayed away two
weeks longer than the woman mex
door.-TOwn Topics.
Hands on: "What have you got tina
sign, Hands on posted outside YOU
works forY' asked the curious indivld
ual. Because" returned the joculal
mill owner, my men are Oh strike."-
Philadelphia Record.
Smoke and Fire: Yes, II certainly !.
a warm family; the son smokes and thu
daughter scorches." "How about the
father and mother?' "Well. the Ole
man fumes and the old woman blaZei
out ut all hours" Chicago News.
sympathy: "Yis; Mikes on a shtrike
IT'S wan nv thin sympathetic shtrikes
where they sympat'ize wit other mil
that's shtrlkin'." AN SO ye have Il
take In washing" "Yis; l have to sym
pati'xe wit the childher!'-Puck.
Benny's Hedge: Benny Bloobumper
how do we know that the moon IL tw'
hundred and forty thousand miles dis
tant from the earth" Benny alarmed
at the teachers mannep replied-Y.y
you said SO yourself. sir.--Tit.Hits.
No Monkey Business: lie offered Il
net as her escort, but she declined tn
offer. you are as full Of airs Us I
hand-organ," he spitefully declared
Possibly" she retorted; but, just thu
same. l don't 20 with a crank."-Chi
cagO News.
Il. Her Reason: did you ever try any O.
these health foodsY' the sympathetic
friend asked Of the dyspeptic lady
YES" she replied, land I'm not golnl
to eat any more OF them" why not?
because they. spoil my appetite."-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
, His Preferences: Would you rathe
. have something else than a piece o
. piey asked the kind neigbbOr OF littl
Freddie, who had run IN errand 70
her. Eyes. ma'am." said Freddie
promptly; II wu'd ruther hav' tw
/ pleces."-OhIo State Journal.
Not the Grammatical Kind: "What
a conjunctionY" asked the teacher
: "That which joins together" was tn
] prompt reply. "Give an illustration.
said the teacher. Tho up.to.date gil
hesitated aud blushed. ".The marriag
service" she said at last.-Chicag
FOst.
No Time to Lose: President (of O
well syndicate)-Advertlse that "
have few shares of rev stock to Sc
ut one dollar q share. Clerk-Whe
shall put the ads In? AT once. View
got to get money enough together I
pay the next dividend. Ere
Press.
Acknowledgment, told you
could not permit you to entertain NAL
callers In the kitchen. You had ma
there last evening. Maid-I know
mum; but that was Tim Murphy,
tur'ble bashful Teller. Ye'd never injuc
him to slip into the parlor.-Bosto
Transcript.
Harry--Wonder why 1t was ths
Frank and Bertha broke of their 81
gagement? understand 1t was all a
ranged, even to the marriage da,
Dick-lt was discovered that the We,
, ding ring was made by non.union labt
80 the clergyman refused to perforl
, the ceremony and no other minister
. town dares to do it.-Boston transcript
/ lie Liked 1t: Wife-H0w do you lik
! my new fall hat? Husband-The idea {