Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-09-15
.In-, &C Mr. Hennessy.

! lyin'.' said Mr.. Hennessy.
well, no. faith. that's thrue." said NJ.
Dooley. Here am / with no more Idly
cation thin We cud write on tn back ~ a
postage stamp, am as fluent an r-ready
a liar as e'er a professor Of graduate
liver turned out be an Insstichoot iv Men
f, daeity. That's what ] am. I'm "a born
liar. As the pote that Hogan spouts has
{ said: 4 lisped in f%alsehood, fr IN false
hood came / cud lie before ] cud speak
or walk. Fr iv'ry lie / got found out in
an whaled for. / told forty that niver
was r-run down. I've lied steadily
through life an here am in my green
oil age-though not as old as nanny u
make out-Iyin without tn aid " glasses
Thry me. Ask me how much wather
there is in hat bar'l-if ye dare! Ye're
a liar, too. Hinnessy."
whats that?" shouted Hennessy.
Keep cool. said Mr.. Dooiey. I'm not
referring to what heerd we tell yer wife
about tn big man ye bate in tn Hal
sted sthreet car. But tn clothes on ye'er
back Is q lie or at least an ~ecuiVacotion
or a hand-me-down, and tn shmile We
greet me with Is not more than half on
tn square an tn ll-it's-glad-I-am-to-
see-ye really names ye're sorry ye came.
All tn vrIrruld is busy deceivin' its
neighbor an itsilf. TIL poor ARE poor
because thcy ARE poor liars an tn rich
ARE men that've accumulated a large
stock of worcestershire, inthFest-bearin'
lies or inherited tn same firm their iEdui-
! gent an mendacyous fathers. That's
what they tell me
An what is Il lie, tell me? 1 eud an
srer meailf II l always knew what tn
thruth was, mo boy. A good nanny " tn
whoppers l tell ye Is til raysult w thry-
in to take a short cut to tn thruth an
brlngin' up just this side ~ perjury. Some
things that look Ike lies 10 me to-day
will seem all r-rlght in tn Presidential
year. | lie a good nanny times firm
kindness, more often firm Iaziness an
most often firm fear. Some iv tn boldest
liars | liver met wud've been thruthful
men if they dared to be. TIL most I'M
common form is the MALICIOUS liar an tn
manest is tn Just liar. Nanny men lie
because they like conversation an they
feel they can't impress tn man they're
talkin' with without pilin' 1t on. I've He'd
at times to beguile tn hours away. l
niver deceived amy wan half so much
as / have mesilf. If | didn't do II wanst
in awhile. I'd feel so poor an depraved, 1
| cudden't go on in business. Now l Won
dher if E. Benjamin wud call them good
purposes. Sure, If a He's a good thing
amy purpose We may have in lynn will
look good to We an il tbs a bad thing,
tn purnose'n seem good anyhow. l
think a lie with a purpose is wan w tn
worst kim am tn mos profitable. I'm
more " a spoortin' liar thin he is If l lie
FIR passtime. wud lie to get a frind out
" throuble or an inimy in, to save me
country, if twas not surrounded al
ready be a devoted band iv heroic liars,
to PROTECT me life or me property, but if
anybody asst me how 1 done it, I'd lie
out iv Il.
Father Kelly says tn professor is all
Fright. He says his theory is a good
van, but he don't think it fits a Baptist
Golledee. Twas held be some larned men
iv our own kind an twas all Fright FIR
thin. Twas tn docthrine iv a saint but
he wasn't lookin' FIR amy Standard lie
money. An Father Kelly says It's an I'M
safe docthrine to thrust to amy wan but
a saint. He says tn thruth or some
thing akeIly good, something tina will
wash, is intinded fr ordinary peopie.
Oh'y a good man can be a liar. An Faith
er Kelly says he's niver seen a man good
enough to get a diploma firm him to lie
fr amy purpose, good or bad, to tell
white lies or green. If he lies, he's got TO
take his chances. l said: What wud We
do If ye see a frind iv yours pursued be
a murdher an tn Observation-Disclosures
be asst we which way he'd turned?' L
cuddent hear him, he says. I'd bee too
far up tn alley he says. Lynn in tn
circumstance he says, wud indicate a
lack " prisince iv mind, he says. 1t Of
ten does he says
Sure, a lies a lie said Mr.. Hennessy.
u always know whin I'm lynn
$50 do l." said Mr.. Dooley.