The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-04-19
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GOOD
Short Stories


The late Ignatius Donnelly was once
rudely interrupted in the course Of
political speech by head Of cabbage
thrown from the audience. Gentle
men," he said, mildly, Il only asked
your ears; | don't care for your heads
Years ago, when Bret Harte, fresh
from the Pacific slope, heard the list
of famous men living at Cambridge, he
said to Mr.. Howells: why, you
couldn't fire revolver from your front
porch anywhere without bringing down
a two-voumer"
An interesting story is being told of
Queen Alexandra, which is typical OF
the woman. Some one at Osborne ad-
dressed her as your majesty the
day after Queen Victoria passed away.
"There cannot be two queens" she re-
marked, adding that she wished to be
called "her royal highness" until after
the funeral of Queen Victoria.
Two rival manufacturers of French
coffee met before a judge. The latter
took up one Of the contestants empty
tins, and said: IL do not consider this
an honest label. On the front you
place in large letters, Pure French
Coffee, and on the back in small let
ters-in very small letters-you print
"A Compound of Chlcory, etc The
person thus addressed unused for a mo-
ment. Then he said, quite meekly'
But will your lordship kindly explain
to the jury by what means you distin-
gulsh between the front and the back
of round tin"
Queen Victoria was fortunate in hay'
ing as her first prime minister and con,
stitutional tutor in one, Lord Mel
bourne. That statesman's profanity
characteristic of the age when every
body damned everybody's eyes-and
other personal peculiarities have loom
ed so large in story and legend as tc
obscure the real sagacity and accom-
plishments of the man. Perhaps his
sharpest collision with her was on the
point of the title which her husband
Prince Albert, was to be given The
Queen strongly wished the prince to b(
made king consort by act of Psrlia
ment. Melbourne evaded the issue as
long as possible, but her majesty finally
insisted upon a categorical answer. -
thought it my duty to be very plair
with her" said the premier afterward
Il said, For Gods sake, let's hear NJ
more Of it, ma'am; for If you once ge
the English people into the way o.
making kings, you will get them int
the way of unmaking them
One night Hon. William ID. Faulke
in speech before small meeting il
\ Indiana, when James ID. Williams anC
Benjamin Harrison were opposing can
didates for the governorship, related
the following story: Mr. Williams
who was then a member of Congress
was one day washing his hands at on
of the lavatories in the Capitol, whel
an attendant handed him three towels
He sighed at such wanton eXtrava
ganee, and exclaimed: Why, down a
my farm make a single towel last tn
whole familya week In the East thi
was considered a good story, but MI
Faulke was astonished to see that ther
was not smile upon any of the face
before him; indeed, the countenance
took on even a deeper gloom. On hi
way home, as they drove through th
woods, his companion said to him
"You didn't make great hit with you
story about Blue Jeans famil
towel" mo, l didn't seem to-" %
you know whyY NO" "Well, II
tell you. There wasn't farmer in tina
crowd that hadn't done the same thin
himself"