Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1901-11-14
MR.. GRUMpEY's GOLD.
It Was had One But Not Too 01A
for Him to Take In a Free
Baseball Came

II say, Hanner," walled Mr.. Grump.
ey from the depths of his easy-chair.
"this 'ere plaguey cold of mine is
gittin' worse an worse every min
ute, an l wish you'd hustle around
an do somethin' for it if you're ever
goin' to! Now that you've kept
dingin' at me until you've got my
life insured it don't make a particle
OF difference to you, I s'pose, if
catch the pneumonia or the gallopin'
consumption, or most anything else
that comes along! Big pile of SYM
pathy fellow gets when he is fiat
on his back, so to speak, with cold
on top of him bigger'n meetin'
housed" .-
"AIy dear,'' said Mrs. Grumpey,
gently, writes Will S. Gidley, in Won.
ans Home Companion, why don't
you try ginger-tea and molasses?
Only the other day was reading in
the almanac"
II know you was" broke in Mr.
Grumpey, hastily. "You're always
readin' somethin' or another in the
almanac! You'll manage to pizen the
hull crowd of us yet with some recipe
you get hold of in that way! hain't
forgot the batch of flapjacks yet you
made from somethin' you got out of
the old patent-medicine almanac
month or so after we got married.
It's more'n ten years sence ct them
t1apjacks, but my stomach hain't en-
tirely got over the effects of it yet"
SWELL, you can't blame me, can you,
if you went to work and ate up the
whole two dozen fapjacks at once?
It certainly wasn't my"
"Never mind about them air flap
jacks" interrupted Mr.. Grumpey.
''What I want to know is if you're
goin' to look over the medicine chest
an git me somethin' for this cold, or
have L got to suffer on IN silence till
I die of intluenzy or epizootic, or some
other tarnal complaint of that sort?"
IF you suffer on it won't be in sill
ence: that is quite evident" retort-
ed Mrs. Grumpey, dryly. "But-let
me see-what was it did for it when
you had that bad cold right after
New Year's?"
"Got me to soak my feet in a Tub
of bilin'-hot water an mustard!
That's what you did that time; but
you don't coax me into no such fool
performance as that again, not as
long as Pm able to set up an de-
fend myself! You've got to cure me
with my boots on this time, if you
cure me at all! 1 don't propose to
have the skin scalded off my feet
every time I take cold!"
"Wel, why don't you try goose
grease for it?" suggested Mrs.
Grumpey. "That is what my mother
always used for a cold. You grease
your nose with it, rub little of it
on your throat and chest, and then
mix few drops with molasses and
take it internally, and the next morn
ing your cold is gone"
"Yes, s'pose so! Sounds all right.
but where's your goose-grease comm
from? Amt got any OF it in the
house, have you?"
"N-no, l think not, Silas. I'm
sorry; but perhaps / might get it
at the drug store. If it's good for
colds they ought to have it for
sale"
clad, eh?" shifted Mr. Grumpey.
ever hear of druggist keepin' an
old woman's remedy of that kind on
hand lust because he knew it would
knock the spots out of cold?
guess not. If he cures cold at all
he's goin' to cure it with a patent
prescription of his own, costing IS
cents or dollar every clip! He isn't
in the business for his health, exact
ly! An now we've got that point set
tied, I'd like to know if you're really
goin' to do anything for this leven-
story cold of mine? If you are you
ought to act mighty quick; l can't
stand it to suffer so much longer!"
Just then the door-bell rang, and
as Mrs. Grumpey went to answer it
Mr.. Grumpey groaned: THAT'S right
that's right! Go ahead an wait on
some tramp or other an let your
helpless an sufferin' husband die for
want of little attention! That's the
woman of it every time! Oh, you've
got back, have you? Well, did you
get rid of your tramp"
eyes, l got rid of him. 1t was your
friend Mr.. Gadabout, who called to
get you to accompany him to the
ball game. He had free tickets for
this afternoon, it seems; but 1 told
him that made no difference, for you
had very bad cold and couldn't
pos"
"Eh? What's that?" roared Mr..
Grumpey. Told him l had a bad
cold and couldn't go, did you? Well,
I reckon it'll take cold consider
ably bigger'n this one to hold me
back when there's chance to see
a good ball game free gratis for
nothin! What does woman know
about cold, anyway? Somebody run
to the door an call Gadabout back!
Gimme my hat an overcoat' Hammer;
I must hurry! We won't have more'n
time to get there now before the
game begins!"
And exactly 60 seconds later the
1f