The Savannah morning news., 1901-08-25

SSADStoACS AOr SuCn NOrtnWlCh per-
sons as die and are buried on purpose
instead of having their funeral fur
nlshed to them free of charge and by
surprise. He started homeward one
night after viewing with admiration
ana an owners pride a beautiful and
complete stock of gravestones of as
sorted sizes and suitable for all ages
and sexes--if you don't see what you
want, ask for it; we aim to please.
During the night the pumps
sucked up the brine somewhere
under the town and its flow just
happened to form a cavity I'M
der his sad stock, which seized the OPP
portunity to find hospitable grave for
itself instead of acting as signs for
other graves.
A suite of offices was Quilted in one
day. Rolltop desks, ledgers, safes and
promissory notes all fell into a hole.
The w. z. L. U. should feel delighted
by the knowledge that among the
things that have been buried without
warning were the entire contents of the
cellar of the best barroom in the town.
All NorthWich feels this calamity keen
ly, for the salty condition of the place
is conducive to thirst: 1t is recorded
that no other loss ever worried the
town so much unless perhaps it was
that of the, whipping top. The victim
OF this cataclysm made more noise than
did the owners of the sausage machine,
the dog, the COW and the monuments
combined, and the salt works finally
were forced TO purchase peace at the
price of brand new top and a toy
whistle.
The parliamentary return showed
That count had been kept of damage to
SS2 buildings, comprising 636 houses and
cottages, lao shops, Al public houses, "a
warehouses and workshops, q slaugh-
ter houses and stables, Is manufacture
ing works and public buildings. Prop
erty depreciates at an average rate of
$25,7OO a year. Nothing is definitely safe,
for the pumping operations draw upon
all places, and no man can tell where
the next fall-in may be. Not even the
long arm of the law can reach down
to safe foundations. A police station.
built at a cost of SIC, 900, has to be re-
paired almost Immediately after cree
ton at an expenditure of $500.
The Jail would not have worried the
citizens so much if it had not been the
rule that the very prisoners whose in
generation was the most popular had
disappointing way of not sinking in
to holes with the jail, but would reach
outer safety and walk the streets with
disconcerting sarcasm.
Folk rarely try to keep appointments
in Northwich. They know that is no
use. The street on which the appointee
lives at the time when the appointment
is made may not be there at all when
the appointment should be kept. The
bursting of a sidewalk is as common
there as the manning of pedestrians
by the Metropolitan Street Railway.
The favorite domestic implement of
Northwich is the hydraulic jack. When
Northwich families entertain guests
they don't say: Dear Mr.. Brown,
won't you please play US something on
the piano?' They produce the hy
draulic jack and say: Now do, dear
in the southwest corner. All your
friends say you use the hydraulic jack
divinely."
The chief occupation of the town off,
Gals of Northwich is to look for miss
ing houses and to fish for sun&en
streets. Just now they are trying to
lift the main street of the village
trifiing matter of three feet and six
inches, that being its latest drop. OF
course, the houses along the street
dropped with the street. That wouldn't
be so bad if it had not happened un-
fortunately that they dropped at vari-
Gus angles and that now they stand In
all sorts of positions. One beautiful
blonde two-storied cottage is lying in
the arms of a dark, burly three-storied
tenement next to it, and gazes into Its
beetling windows trustfully with a
languishing air that shows entire trust
and loving devotion. A large stone
house is leaning over the street as if
1t wanted to fall on its knees. A bay
window in another house has been
turned at an agile so that the editice
looks like a prize fighter with a badly
broken and mashed nose. Doors and
windows are askew all over town. An
indignant citizen complained last week
that he couldn't eat dinner without US
ing an alpenstock to help him chase
the table. The fire department never
knows whether to take ladders or ropes
to reach burning building. Perplexed
persons living along the main street
have to go. down cellar to reach the
attic. Drunken men fall into CHM
neys. Some houses have left the street
far behind and have sunk yards while
the street sank feet. Other houses
were caught in time and propped. and
now stand far above the sidewalk,
titled like windmills.
None of the houses suffer materially
from their old adventures. They have
been built for the purpose. Great iron
bands are fastened around each build
ing at intervals, so that many look ike
misshapened barrels.
Everywhere are rivets and bolts and
trusses. Therefore, when they begin to
fall the houses merely creak and groan
a little, like a ship taking a plunge In
a head sea- and then they dive grace
fully and don't stop till they reach bot
tom. The hydraulic jack is put under
them then and they are pushed back
to the free air of heaven to remain till
they feel like making another move.
The houses do not worry the North
wichers much, therefore. 1t is the
steady yet always unexpected and ag-
gravating losses of such trifles as a
COW, a new high hat, soup tureen or
a pet child that has provoked the salt
city to send a memorial to Parliament.