The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-06-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

keeping
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
hear that George Washington had an i'm
pediment in his SDeech2''
Wei they say he couldn't tell a. lie
Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
Grounds for suspicion.-Bank Director
What reasons have you for suspecting
that the cashiers accounts are crooked2
President-He says he can't afford to
take a vacation this year--Chicago News
Joe fail out about9'
He, thought I ought to be friendly
thought he eught to be ' friend G enough 0u
to buy it of me.''-Detroit Free Press.
Sayings of Little People.-A little girl
read composition before the minister
this complimentary sentence: "A cow IS
the most useful animal in the world ex-
cept religion. ''-Leslie's Weekly.
Degrading 'But then the marriage ser
vice: it seems to lower one So"
How do you make that out?''
Why, the man takes the woman, and
worse. It's so like a rummage sale, you
know. ''-Brooklyn Life
1.-THE Sins of the Rather" Etc.-Tommy
1studying his lesson)-l say, pa, where
does the Merrimac rise, and into what sea
does it empty2
Pal don't know. my son.
TOrDmy-YOu don't know. Ell? And to-
morrow the teacher will lick me on &C
count OF your ignoranee--F1arlem Life.
A country servant was given a ticket by
her mistress for local concert. She ar
rived home rather late, and was queS-
came away before twas over she re-
piled, and they were hurrying it on,
when I left" -Tit-Bits-
u T7;5i T
our new neighbors would not let their
children play with our Tommy; 1 see him
Mrs FfjjitNYes but their parents don't
know, it; Tommy is just setting over the
catch 'em-the stuck up thingsi-Ohio
State Journal.
What She Would Have.-''F'or instance.
Johnnie, said the teacher to the bright
your father had a, hundred dollars and
gave your mother nifty, and then Dor
rowed ten from her, what would she
ssshe'd have a sore hand.'
He'd have to cut the money loose from
her fingers. '-Baltimore American
And Her Old Gent Father-Tom-Hel
where are you going2
Tom-Ohl what sort Of a person is her
old lady mother, and does her young gen
slemanly brother give you any trouble?-
Philadelphia Press.
Didn't the mOtOrman see the car a0eau
of him. said the inquisitive man. after
the crash of the rear end collision was
Yes replied the uninjured conductor.
'the seen it. but it was SO dark that he
took it to be a man."-Brooklyn Life.
Brown-What's got into Wetmore late
"? He's drunk more than half the time.
Stephens-Yes, it's his little game, you
Brown-His- little game?
StephenS--tte has thus tar been neglect
ed by the fair sex He hopes that some
nice woman will marry him to reform
him.-Boston Transcript.
The Irish Of. 1.-THE sun was pouring
down a wealth of warm rays on the
Heights this morning as a pair of Celtic
nurse girls pushing perambulators,
it's warm said one Sure. it is agreed
the other It's very plisint in the shade,
but there amt any, Brooklyn Eagle.
A Great Relief.-Mrs. Catterson-I
thought l would come and tell you that
your Harold has been fighting with my
Bobbie, and settle the matter If could.
ba1e no ti1e 70 enter INTO lol p1 my
about children'S quarrels. I hope 1 am
Mrs Catterson-Im delighted to hear
that I'll send Harold over on a stretcher
in an hour or so.-Harper's Bazaar.
what is the matter Tommy?n asked
the mother of the small boy in tears.
What was the game?
We We're playing United States Sen
ate. / resigned, and the other boys forgot
to coax me back washington Star.
When the union troops were passing
through Missouri in pursuit of Gen Price
a crowd of negroes came out of some
cabins to look at the soldiers one of
whom asked: Boys, are you all for the
union?'
''oh, yes, massa; when you uns is about
And when Price comes you're all Sc
.,..Lor' yes: massa; wes all good secesh
ahead oh niggers in dat way, massa-''-
Washington Post.
The Hostess-You must be prepared to
take pot luck, captain. as our cook, being
i'll. I saw to the dinner myself.
The Guest-DOnt mention it Four
years campaigning has accustomed me
to the very worst.-Brooklyn Life
Understand you started kitchen gar
den. Raising much p
Nothing but umbrellas. ''-Cleveland
Plain Dealer
Jack-I saw a deaf mute man talking on
Kitty-W hat was he saying2
Jacl-s.I love you more than words can
utter!''-Detroit Free Press
Friend Cat art exhibition)-Is that gen
tIeman art critic, too2
Art Critic-No, he's only an artist
Tit-Bits.