Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-07-21
MR.. HOOLEY ON OUR
OVERWORKED OFFICIALS
Several Apologies to Peter Dunne3

Several Apologies to Peter Dunnc)
And phere is OHare now" asked
Mr.. Dennesey, as he filled his pipe.
/ "O'Hare, it isl" said Mr. Hooley.
20 Hare-and don't yez rade the papers,
Dinnesey. O'Hare has been appointed
visitin' statesman to go to Oshkosh,
Dinver, GALVESTON and the Ham Sand
witch Islands to find out what color is
Dist to paint the garbage wagons"
The WHAT" said Dinnesey.
The garbage wagons, / said. fe
know, Dinnesey, in an age of pros
perity and cheap transportation like
this wan, we can't do anything unless
we see how some one else does it. It's
a great sthrain on our statesmen, Din
nisey, but they seem to stand it all
right-eonsiderin the iced drinks, the
easy transportation and per diem.'
The per diem?" said Dennesey,
land PLAT is that?'
Its this" said Mr.. Hooley. "A
statesman time is expensive, and whin
he is doing jooty for his country he
must be paid for it. And whin he gets
to be wan, it costs more than whin he
wasn't wan. Now, whin O'Elare carried
a hod he got dollar seventy -fye, now
he gifts transportation, feed and five
dollars per diam--that'S the difference
bechune the bod and the statesman
But ply does OHare go off wild
that crowd?"
ply? Because it's his turn to go,
Dnnesey; yet see, they divide it oop.
Last year O'Donovan goes out wild
the gang and visited twinty-siven diff
ferent cities to find out phat kind OF
wheel barrys to use around the city
hall, and whin they came back they
said they'd be dommed IL they hadn
forgotten all about the wheel barrys.
Thin the mkt squad wint to Investigate
what colored horses ought to be used in
tn fire departmint an they visited
eighteen different cities and thin they
comes back, and afther bein laid oop
for siveral days, they says, that from
their Investigation they concluded that
amy kind O horses, even hobby horses,
wud do"
Thin sixteen Numbers started to
New Orleans and Galveston to find out
PLAT kind O. jail padlocks war the first
ones, and afther a month they comes
back loaded with hot tomales, and they
sid any old kind av paddock will do"
Thin a crowd of the fire committee
went on a three weeks trip to find out
plat kind av badge the fireman ought
to wear, and whin they got back, they
sid that the committee had better select
any kind they wanted, that's the way
Dinnesay,-a statesman must ride, ye
know, that is, av coorse at public en-
pinse, kept av coorse, in rare instances
where a mon leave his bizness to run it
self an pays his own ixpinses. But ye
must notice, Dinnesey, thot in thin
instances, the things bought by the Wis
itin' statesman comes dommed high"
AN ply is thot?" asked Dinnesey.
"Phy?" said Mr.. Hooley, Its be-
cause statesmen are no cheap people,
Dinnesey, me bye, and'-said Mi.
Hooey, as ne polished the counter" Il
sometimes think it's because they amt
spindin' their own money, we know
they say, our people are the finest,
they say, and they want the BEST
and the Dist they get, Dinnesey, but
the QUESTION is, who gifts the so per
cent. discount that don't fgger on the
bill That what puzzles a good minny
people"
But, as | was a-sayin' about that
trip av the council thot Donovan
first lead out whit to see about
the wheel barrys,-that was the
beginnin'-thin as | said, the
mkt squad goes to see about
the bosses and so on and ct cetera, as
Judge Muldoon wod say. Dinnisey,
they war twinty-sivin committees out
that year-inyestigatin' about work
houses, that war niver built,-thin' a
committee whit out to see how minuy
stripes tn ought to allow on a barDer
pole in the city limits. 1t war gran l
year. was that year, Dinnisey; The
common council and ither patriotic
citizens visited livery city in the Unit
ed States and SOON in Canada and
Mexico. They travelled, Dinnisey
over so, 900 miles all told"
And what did it amount to-" asked
Dennesey.
What did it amount tor" said Hoo
| ley. "Why, they all got home safe
that's what it amounted to, and the,
| looked foine afther their arduous joo
ties.-excipt O'Grady, who wint to At
lantic City wild the committee to SCI
about buyin' swans for tn park. HI
F.! fill off the boordwork and broke a rib
| thank Hiven. But wild that all TIN
+, rst came home happy as inny states
man We liver SEEN"
DO they all travel this way to fin
whin to set hins and whin to white
wash public fences?" asked Dinnessey
Not ALL" said Mr.. Hooley. "Onl
in Chicago, no where ilse."
why do the councilmen do it here
thin?"
why? Git in politics, Dinnise,
run for council, and git Elected, thin y
will find out"
BARON JONES.