Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-12-03
GOOD
Short Stories
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.,


Bishop Philpotts, of Exeter, once
went to stay with friend in Devon
shire. 'It's beautiful place, is 1t not?'
remarked somebody upon his return.
YES" said the Bishop, 1T is a beauti
full place; il it were mine, would pull
down the house and fill up the pond
with 1t. That would remove two OBJ
jections"
Attorney Isidor Rayner, one Of Rear
Admiral Schley's counsel in the court
of inquiry, was once interrupted by
Thomas B. Reed, while making
speech in favor of reduction of the
tariff, with the remark: "Did not the
gentleman hear my speech Saturday,
mo" replied Rayner, Il was at home
preparing a speech of my own"
1t is related that Fechter was more
than once the victim of an outspoken
London gallery-god. On one occasion,
in melodrama, the tragedian was
slowly paying over sum of money to
the villain. Everything depended upon
| whether he had sufficient money for his
purpose, and the paying out was most
deliberate-so deliberate, indeed, that
member of the audience, wearying of
the scene, enliyened the proceedings by
yelling: Say, Mr.. Fechter, give him a
check"
Once, when the Secretary of War,
Elihu Root, had approved a punishment
Of an offender In the Philippines with
severity which seemed somewhat dis
proportionate to the crime, visitor
yentured to o-ask him whether he did not
consider such a penalty a good deal
like the old law Of England which
hanged man for stealing a sheep.
Certainly" was the answer, land we
impose it in the same spirit, not as an
expiatory sacrifice, but as preventive.
The thief was hanged, not because
stolen sheep was regarded as worth q
human life, but in order that more
| sheep should not be stolen
When President Roosevelt was po-
lice commissioner Of New York, in
1895, DR.. Ahlwardt, the anti-Semitic
agitator from Berlin, visited the me-
tropolis. Not a few of the New York
anti-Semites came to Roosevelt in
alarm lest the Jews should rise and
mob the orator on the night Of his first
address. The commissioners response
| was to select from the whole police
force squad Of Hebrews whose physi-
ognomy bespoke their race most con-
spicuously; these officers he placed in
charge of the hall where AhlWardt was
to appear, with a reminder that in this
country Of free speech they could show
their good citizenship in no more strik-
ing manner than by protecting the very
man who had come to hurl contempt
and abuse at their people. The effect
Of this bit of comedy was to make Ahl-
wardt ridiculous, and cause his whole
crusade to fall pitifully fat.
| A wealthy American who took the
waters at Carlsbad this summer was
given minute instructions by his ply
sician, who dismissed him with this in
| junction: GAS for smoking, you must
limit yourself to three cigars daily;
1 three light cigars and no more" After
a few days, the patient visited his ply
/ sician, who asked: ..Well, and how are
your 81 should be all right" replied
the patient, "but your orders about
smoking are difficult to follow" 81 am
/ sorry" the doctor said, categorically,
''but no more than three cigars day.
You must just put up with it, But,
doctor, it really is an awful business.
Wouldn't two day do? feel ill every
time smoke. .sWhy, man, what in
the world do you smoke for at all, II
that Is the case?" the doctor roared.
"But, doctor, wasn't it you yourself
who said three cigars a day and no
more?' OF course, thought they were
part Of the cure, and began upon them,
though never in my life smoked be-
FORE"