Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-02-16
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

advice my friends nave gwen me- mar
pcT's RaZar.
Not That.-Dr. Kure---'i fear sir that
Won have been living too high Jaundice
IT can't be that doctor; you know
we've moved out of that eight-story fiat
Ohio State Journal.
This is MY sixth glass today. said
Mrs Nation. as she hurled the blizzard
bah into the beyeled mirror back Of the
bar. 1t is small wonder that she IS in
toxicated with her work.
Football Note.-Bil Kikhard-"W Ct's
the matter with the referee: Has he
lorst is 'ead:" Jem Crushem-"Oh, no!
Only an ear. few teeth, and some hair.
Glasgow Evening Times.
Hoax-"Thc doctor told me had
high fever.
Ioax-"How high?"
Hoax-"His bill makes Il out to have
been a SO Philadelphia Record.
The Prevailing Kind Both latter the
plavl-"Could you make out what II was
MI about" Amy-"No, ! couldn t. 1t
must he one Of those problem plays you
hear SO much about."-Phlladelphia
Evening Bulletin.
Mr.. Krank-'No, | won't take that
horrible stuff" Mrs. krank-"But the
doctor has ordered it," Il don't care
Why. that stuff would kill a mule 'If
YOU really think so. John, don't take II.
Philadelphia Press.
Farmer Dunk Ito his nag)-"Whoa,
there. Filipino! Whoa, confound you!
Farmer Hayrooh-" funny name
fer a boss WHY in tunkett do We call
him Filipino?" 'B'cuz he's always run
min' away -Lcslic's Weekly
How do you like our climatc?" asked
the South Carolina quail. ut has made
Il new creature Of me- enthusiastically
rrplCd the rec bird, which had called
itself a bobolink when it left New Eng
land last fall What TO Eat.
First Farmer Man-"They say a Teller
took prize Mt the Chicago Fat Stock
show because he never cussed his cows"
Second Farmer Man--"Don'J you he
Hcve it, If them cows could talk he'd
never have got it, Washington Post
See here" exclaimed the SHOPPER cx.
eitcdly, there's a man just Dropped dead
in that bargain crushr
How ropportunc." cried The floor
walker. We have not yri orrncl nur
Undertaking department. - Philadelphia
l'rcsS
"rhcir Name is Legion. -Sockson
Buskin-"I'm raising money to buy land
T.. N0lent--"Wel, if you're going 10 buy
land for home for poor actors guess
you'll have to buy two or three states.
brooklyn Life.
Preferred Dogs. Visitor-"Why do the
residents of this town keep SO many
dogsi" Mr. Suburb-"For protection.
They are cheaper than police" Visitor
But dogs are dangerous to inoffensive
persons Mr.. Suburb--"So are police"
New York Weekly.
He was It.--Ascum-'I hear you've
gone into. the. newspaper business"
Wright-"Ies, Eve been a reporter on
the Uowler for six months now" THAT
50? Say, how long does it take for a
man to become a frst-class reporter ~
ooh! about six months.
Hope for the Better Employer
Now, where have you been all this
time? AZ the matinee. | suppose. Come
iingl-"fcs, sir, ] was" Employer
glad TO hear it. Perhaps you've picked
up new tune. / was getting tired Of
that old one You whistle. Philadelphia
Press.
An Injustice She-"You remember
dear, that $500 YOU gave me the other
day 10 put in the bank?' He
Good gracious! You haven't ran
through with that, have YOU" She tin
dignantly)-"Ccrtainly not l have near
ly tifty left. "-Brooklyn Life
Mrs Browne-'Doesn't Mr. johnson
20 70 your church,
Mrs. Malaprop-"N indeed. lie
doesn't believe in no church."
Mrs. Browne-''You don't tell me-"
Mrs. Malaprop-"Ycs he don't believe
in nothin'. He's a reg Tar acrostic. -
Philadelphia Press.
Children are often adopts at dcfni-
ton says the London Globe. "A CORE
spondent's small girl aged {, fastened Oh
10 the phrase immortal soul which she
heard III the course of conversation. /
know what an immortal soul is she said
It's a little thing in the middle of the
stomach that never asplres.
The Pastors Mistake.-~pastor-" What
dad | say III my sermon yesterday that
you objected to-" Mr. DE Good-'Yo
surprise me, my dear sir. | did not
object to anything but | heard yen
give a very audible snort at something
| said "Oh, no; no indeed. That was
only snore. New York Weekly
Bashful Lover (timidlyl-"Did yeer
liver think av marryin, BiddyT'
Biddy ieoylyl-"S hure now tn subject
has niver entered me thoughts"
baShtnl Lever turning away)-"It'S
sorry Oi am"
Riddy thastily)-"Wan minnit. Pat.
we've set me [ thiukin'. Harper Ba-
Ear.
Marked Observation-Disclosures - "Pa.
what's meant by the prime of lifc|' -
NtlI, Nhtu Il man reaches III or 50
he Is said to be in the prime of life"
And is il the same with a woman:"
Why. son, YOU would insult a woman
~ telling her she was in the prime of
life, She's always younger Philadel-
phia Press.
Herring a faint rustic in the dark hall
way below. The elder sister, surprising the
louag man had gone leaned over the
hIlustradc and called out: We'll, Bessie,
have you landed him. There was a
deep, scpulchral silence for some mo-
mcnts, Il was broken by the hesitating,
constrained voice OF the young man: she
hast Nt-Bits
Lets Kill time exclaimed the fair
young girl, as she gazcd out Of the win
dow on the softly falling fcathcry flakes
Kill timcT replied her steady com
pany, inquirmgly.
Yes; sleigh it,"
He had to do it, though it took all hi,
accumulation OF pclf since Christmas
Pjttshurg Chvoniele-Tolcgraph
As Usual-Clcrk Madam, you vii
have to describe the contents of the peck