The Washington times., 1901-12-15
FREAKS OF THE
PATENT OFFICE,
Many Are the Absurd and Gro
tesqUc Inventions.
LINCOLN'S STEAMSHIP IDEA.
Patented Device TO Prevent ycs-
scis siusing-an Automatic Cook.
and Combination BicycIe-SignnI
to Mars and Perforntc the Earth.

| to Mars and Perforate the Earth.
The old postofice building on G Street
| forms, as is doubtless well known n re-
pository for many of the models of in
| yentions formerly exhibited in the Patent
Office. Some Of these are extremely gro
| tesque, representing devices both impTac-
| ticable and absurd.
The freak inventor has come to be
! familiar character to the Patent Office
/ officials who find his yaporings amusing
| when not troublesome. Some OF the in
| yentions of genuises of this class, as en-
| bodied in models in the Postoffice Build
| ing, are certainly amusing.
The Automatic Cook.
One of these, the automatic cook" is
| designed as an enlargement and extension
Of the oldfashioned alarm clock This
machine has only to be set the night be-
fore and the happy owner can lie in bed
the next morning while his fire is light
ed, water heated, and an entire breakfast
prepared from the raw material, all by
the punctual and wonderful contrivance.
The inventor was one John Smith Of
Chicago, whose failure to secure some
capitalist to bach his invention is said to
have affected his mind to such an extent
as to necessitate his removal to sani-
tarium.
Lincoin's UnsinkabIe Steamer.
President Lincoln was among the iuven-
tors of impracticabfe devices. 1t was long
before he had achieved distinction in lines
to which his talents were better adapted,
that he patented, in 1919, the unsuitable
steamship" the model Of which now lies
in the Postofce Building.
Lincoln's invention, however, was tame
and commonplace compared to another in
the same direction that is labeled "the
velocipede boat" II was designed as a
pleasure craft to accommodate only TWO
persons. who sit upon a kind OF seesaw,
the motion of which operates a wheel
hidden in the floor of the boat two pad
die wheels on either side OF the boat are
thus made revolve, doing away with the
necessity OF oars Or sails.
A Windmill Boat.
More remarkable still is the so-called
''windmill-treadmill boat" Upon the
deck of this craft, which is not in other
ways remarkable, is erected a windmill,
which, by means of an elaborate system
of cogs, turns the propeller at whatever |
rate the wind may happen to be blowing.
In the event of calm, the thoughtful |
inventor has provided that a horse, which |
is to be evidently kept somewhere on /
board for the purpose. be brought out and |
set TO work upon treadmil mechanism /
which also sets the propeller in n;otlon. |
A model in an adjoining case represents !
the invention OF woman who is said to 1
have met with an accident in a rocking I
thrnnph q ha
Her idea of preventing such accidents was |
to have the rockers, instead of termna-
ting a short distance from the rungs, |
continue around in a circle until they |
reached the upper portion of the back |
of the chair.
ChiId's Combination Chair.
The inventors of freak devices would
seem to take a great interest in children,
One of them has contrived a device
which. he says in his specifications, meets
the requirements of a high chair. low
chair. go-cart, rocker invalid chair. and
q combination chair and table, ''adjusta-
bic to any sized child
The device is somewhat complicated, |
and the average parent would find. per-
iaps that by the time ne had mastered
It's mysteries his offspring had. become
sufficiently matured to dispense with its
benefits.
The bootiack is ordinarily regarded as
rather simple device, but the freak in
-entor has managed to turn and twist it
nto so many and hideous shapes that it
becomes completely metamorphosed
There are more than seventy-fve kinds
II bootiacks in the model cases.
Life-Saying Devices.
In the line Of Iife-saving appliances the
eccentric inventor has not only provided
or the safety of mankind under. trying
circumstances. but their comfort as we'll. 1
There is. for instance. chair in which {
shipwrecked person has only to lash / !
imself firmly and float in ease and COM !
ort upon the treachcrous flood, further
Importing himself upon a supply of {
ardtack slowed away in a drawer in the
hair until the land or passing vessel t
hances to turn un-
Besides this device there are tables,
ofas. beds, etc. for ocean vessels, which, q
n case OF shipwreck can be used as un- a
inkable lifeboats. There are even cor c
cts, with air tight compartments, de- h
igned for life-saying purposes. t
Grotesque Musical Instruments.
St. Cecilia has had many remarkable h
nitators, judging from the models of "
lusical instruments. y violin, with horn
ttachment, is fair sample, the horn
eing at the neck of the instrument. ,
Another is of unusual shape, and is pos
,ssed of four sound holes instead of two.
mother is noteworthy as being of an en-
rely novel shape, somewhat resembling
mandolin, only that the body is much t
ore elongated and circular in section. a
patent shotgun is provided with n
witty in the stock wherein may be slowed 1,
flask OF liquor and a bottle of lime
lice.
Another remarkable weapon is a pock- p
knife in the handle of which is a re- IL
Diver, the latter being discharged by n
osing the blade of the knife. The main =
a;ure of his .eadly instrument is its
lcertainty, the person using it being ap- -"
lrently as liable to be shot as anybody II
Sc. "
A Wonderful bicycle. p
The thOughtfulness and sOlicitude
'inced by some inventors to meet every Il
ant Of their fellow creatures in a small
mpass is truly remarkable. The origin u
or OF the bicycle for tourists" for in pi
ance. has provided for an amount Of II
nvenience and luxury on the road calcu- pl
ted to make even century runs agree L,
lie. -,
His machine, while not differing much -
appearance from the ordinary bicycle, IN
really a combination OF bicycle. chair. "
ishstand, kitchen, larder, and dining tn