The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1901-05-03
Friend-''What are You working at


-:O:-
Friend-"What are You working at
nOW?"
Inventor .'Greatest thing of the age
Il dollar-in -the>lot voting and weighing
machine: it collects the poll tax, counts
the votes and 50 beautifully discriminatcs
that therell be no more trouble, no more
politics, no more speeches, no more brass
bands, and, best of all, no more hood
lers."
May stars! What's the idea?'
Simple as \ B C. The machine only
counts the votes Of those under Il certain
weight. Quick as the party in power be-
gins TO get fat On the spoils of Office.
their votes are thrown out, and the half
starved minority walks in; and when the
new party gets fat, it goes out, and so
on: 1t beats all creation! Gives every
fellow a chance to become successful
politician."-New York Weekly.
The Englishman had been listening to
several newspaper men who were ridicul-
ing some alleged bits of humor in John
Bull publication, and at length blqrted
out angrily: You Americans have
ing fun Of your jokes. I'm sure l don't
see anything in them to laugh at
Judge.
A gentleman of observation and sense:
Of humor says that he recently attended
the religious services at the Philadelphia
penitentiary, where he heard the con-
beaters, incendiaries, etc, sing this
plaintive hymn:
Dear angel. ever at my side,
How loving thou must be.
To leave thy home in heaven to guide
little child like me.
OF
Wanamaker's Sunday school and heard a
thousand innocent children, mostly lit
tie girls between the ages Of + and 16,
with fresh. sweet. childish voices, sing:
Weary, weary of living,
Weary of the yoke of sin.
-:O:-
The Gentle Beggar.-"l'm hungry,
SIR said the beggar. Wont you give
me enough to get meal?'' Here, my
good man." said Mr.. Pompus, there's a
penny for you.'' 20! thank you. sir.
By the way, have you got pepsin tab
let about you? l always get dyspepsia
when l overeat myself. '-Philadelphia
Times.
shower baths. 4 friend explained to him
how to tit up one by the use Of a cistern
and cOlander, and Sandy accordingly set
to work and had the thing done at once
Subsequently he was met by the friend
who had given him the advice. and being
asked how he ENJOYED the bath. Man"
said he, 1T was fine! liked it ralc weel,
and kept myself quite dry. too
Being asked how he managed to take
the shower and yet remain quite dry, he
replied:
bod. We dinna. surely. think was sac
| daft as to stand below the water without
an umbrella "'-Tit-Bits.
An Oklahoma country postmaster re-
| Gently sent the following notice to the
| postoffice department: Sur wish to no.
tify You that on next Wednesday, this
| Otftc will be shet as i am gone dear hunt
You kin fire me if you see fit, but III
give you apinter that i'm the only man
| in the nayborhood that kin rede ard
rite
| Sansuinary 1ndeed.-Alr. Ferguson
nat merry ~, waist you have on. What
blood II begin to understand now why
you told the dressmaker to put in another
GORE
| Towne-"Your friend Bull must be
making money. He bought a handsome
dogcart yesterday. and he says he's dick
| ering for Kentucky thoroughbred.
Something new for him. isn't it?''
Browne-"Oh. no. That's just like Bull.
He always did get the cart before the
horse. Philadelphia Press.
Foote Lighted see by Boston pa
per that Gen. Funston is going on the
stage" Sue Brette-''WeH. if he sue
ceeds in capturing Boston audience he
is certainly all right. "-Yonkers States
man. ..z
II shall soon be your new mamma. :.
said a governess to her little charge.
Il am going to marry your father. Fred
dy, dear. I wonder if you are glad -
''Hurrah"' exclaimed Freddy, that's
simply a splendid idea. Who thought Of
it first, you or father?'-Tit Bits. - d
/ The judge was a shOrt-tempered man.
and had several differences with one al
the counsel engaged before him. At last
he said, l can teach you law, Brother
s., but / cannot teach You manners. .
THAT is so, my lord,' was the quick re-
Spouse. 49,. :. - & =. - 80
+. Carrie-There goes Nell Will, her
lance: They say he fell in love with her
at first sight - Bessie ~ that's inst like
him. He always was a funny fellow.
They say he liked olives the first time he
ever tasted them. -. Boston Transcript.