The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1901-08-25
FUN OF THE WORLD.

\ Philadelphia captain OF detectives
tells OF one Of the Nalaqrops OF his force
who, despite his efficiency in education
is a clever operator. Responding 10 an
inquiry. he explained 10 a friend the pos
session OF two names by prisoner. say
ing: Jim Henry is his real name; Percy
D. KlyEe IS his ananias.H
zG *
A small boy was at j taple where MS
mother was not near &c take care OF
him. and lady next no him volunteered
her services Let me cut yCur steak
for vod.' she said. III can cut X the
way you ike it, she added. with some
degree Of doubt Thank YOU" the hoy
responded. accepting her courtesy. Il
shall Ike it the way YOU cut il. even II
you do not cut it the way 7 ike i"
Harvesting was the subject for in
struction at one Of the East Side vaca-
ton schools in New York the other day
One little girl. when asked what she had
washed her head with. replied. sand
. soap Wash me head repeated an
other. why. I never hesrn o. such a
thing. The teacher explained that un-
less the hair was washed frequently and
thoroughly there was danger of-weI. of
possibilities. The child's eyes looked as
il they'd pop out OF her head
Why" she cried. '-ye sint healthy ef
ye don't hev them
gg
I'VE heard the other day" says the
/ Sabetha tKan.) Star. OF a well known
young minister who was very handsome
( " taken down by little girl. He had
/ been called upon quite unexpectedly 20
+ address a Sunday school. and 10 give
/ himself time 10 collect his thoughts he
! asked a question, Children. said he
what shall I speak about \ little girl
! on the front seat who had herself com
mitted 10 memory several destinations
/ held up her hand and in a shriu voice
/ asked, What do You know?
x <
Charles derived little good from his visit
/ to Sunday school yesterday. After dinner
mamma missed small pot OF Jam. and as
( she noticed some telltale evidences about
! Charless' mouth and hands. she asked him
/ If he mad seen or eaten the Jam. Charles
! insisted that he had not even seen the
I jam Papa thereupOn was called IN. and
/ Charles was punished severely. Draw
/ ing Charles close to her and wiping the
tears from his eyes, mamma said:
When ! was your age. my boy.
never told a falsehood."
How old were you before you began
asked Charles between sobs.
< x
The methods OF public school instruc-
| ton. a Supplied in New York City. do not
always meet the appreciation OF the par
1 ents OF the pupils, as was evidenced the
| other day when a German woman Of com
/ handing figure strobe into the school and
| approaching the principal demanded:
What il is. a lobster"
The principal politely explained that a
lobster was species of shell fish. b."
Vel. no wmany legs has lids lob
! ster?"
The number Of legs was stated.
Ven. l work ne for a hurry. and II
your teacher can not find better things
tina nto ask my boy. Jakey. how many
legs his It. a lOoster und make him come
home TO bodder his ladder nit questions.
What it is. lobster? is it pad PEGS
ness"
Jock. leaving home for the first time foT
a situation in Edinburgh. anxiously re-
quests the guard 20 look well after his
box as il is being placed in the van. 'All
i rigth.f said the official. on reaching Ha-
wick he puts his head out Of the window
and shouts:
card. are We keepin' an e'e on that
trunk q mine?"
Guard (sharpiyl-Oh, yes"
At Nelrose Jock cries
Hey, gard. we're shure va didna pit ma
trunk DOT at the last station2"
Guard (angrily)-"Didnt I ten you that
II was a-l-l-r-f-g-h-t?''
Jock. however. was III at ease. and al
Galashiels he said:
Il say. GARD. n that trunk o. mine
lost yen haze 10 become responsible fort
The guard. out Of all patience. lerceiy
exclaimed: Il wish 10 goodness ye'd been
an elephant, wi Yer trunk stuck on ye.'
x X
Jerome X jerome recalls, with rever-
ence. the habit Of his metn0d!cal uncle
who, before packing for a journey. all
ways made a list" This was the sys-
tenn which ne followed. gathered from bis
uncle's own lips:
! Take a piece Of paper put down on It
! everything pOu can possibly require, and
then go over 80. and see that 10 contains
nothing YOU can possibly do without.
Imagine yourself In bed. What have
you got on? &ery well. put it down. 20
getheF with a change You get Up What
do you do? Wash yourself what 90
You wash yourself with2 Soap Put Gowr
soap. Go on until you have finished. Their
take your clothes. Begin ~ your feet
What do YOU wear on your feet2 Roots
shoes, socks. Put them down. Work ~
TIN you get 10 your head What do yol
want besides clothes? Put down every
thing
This IS the plan the old gentleman A.
ways pursued. The list made. he woult
go over Il carefully 10 see that ne haf
forgotten nothing. Then he would 90
over il again. and strike out everythiug
IL was possible 10 dispense with. Their
he would lose the list.
<
An army officer. now stationed IN New
York. referring 70 military life on o..
border. tells q good story of hosv Genera
Baakhead once set OUT 20 make indiana
soldiers in the regular army The Indians
be IL known. we're not well mp IN EnRnsh
! or. rather. ~ at all confused they forEo
the pale-face language. but General Bank
head wes determined they should DO dufs
as soldiers. stand guard. call out tn
hours AID do an that white century did
when the general got them. - he b.
{ llcVed. well coached. be gave an enter
taiument at his headquarters one nigh
10 the officers and their families. and Al
= o'clock all were % listen - the calls o,
tho Indian sentineis. At the auposntef
I time headquarters were az sfln ~
graveyard. and soon fhe "affs Ecll cry
began 90 e. the round. and IS follows.
Pos n0mb Two tiue--TTeIve o'ciock'
all right,
That was fairly good for ar Indian. Sc
I the next sentinel forgot bis cali and Cd
+ the best he could with what English h'
could grasp. after This style.
Pos nomb-old Bankhead-hcap fool-
60 % heii-aii Tght"
a wild shout ~ laughter drowned fhs
! cali II the next sentinel. bat - wac about
tie same. and tbat vas ne last q Gen
eraf Bankheads InGiar sentnels-
Airs A. II Balawin. az old LADY now .ir-
irE ~ LIS Angeles. zhe vas c10ss
reiEhhor ~ tne Ilrcolns tn snr8nTeeis
election 20 Lincoln .1 zee caEital srfd-
r.sr.-ra~ frrle ~ Ter-nr E1rftlT