The Kootenai herald. [volume] (Kootenai, Idaho) 1891-1904, 1901-02-08
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sing. '-Pnlladeipnla bulletin.
1T is folly to meet Old Age half way"
81 think so; wouldn't meet him at all
IL l knew how to get out of it,
"'Pay as you CO. is my rule" Eyes;
so many people won't believe you when
you say you'll pay as you come back"
''Why do you call that speckled hen
'Macduff' and the pig 'Barkis?" "Be.
cause Macduff lays on and Barkis is
swillin' Life.
Myer-I wonder what causes concus-
sion of the brain? Gyer-A collision
between two trains of thought, l sup
pose.-Chicago News.
Bride formerly a widow)-Oh. Harry,
what would | do If you should die?
Harry (doubtfully)--I don't know, dear,
but l think l can guess.
''Who was William the Conqueror,
Sammy'?' asked the pretty school
marin. "McKinley," replied Sammy"
romptly.-Pittsburg Chronicle.
He-I point out your faults because
love you. She-Nonsensel If you re-
ally loved me you would think my
faults were Chicago Rec
ord.
The Parent-My boy, do you want me
to tell you what happens to boys who
golly! can you remember back that far?
-Yonkers Statesman.
Mr.. Meddergrass-We them New
York folks has certainly gone the limit
now. Mr.. Crosslots-What they dom?
Mr.. Meddergrass-GOin' to have a
horseless horse show.-Baltimore Amer
lean.
Schoolmaster-Now, Muggins Minor,
what were the thoughts that passed
through Sir Isaac Newton's mind when
the apple fell on his head? Muggins-
l expects he wuz awful glad it warn't a
brick.-Fun.
"All the worlds a STAGE" ''All the
worlds a stage Sam, and the men and
women merely players" Yes, massa,
but if OATS so, whar yo' gwine to git
you audience and orchestry Y'-Col-
lier's Weekly.
Mistress-You say you are well rec
commended? Maid-Indeed, ma'am, 1
have thirty mine excellent references.
Mistress-And you have been in domes-
tic service? Maid-Two years, ma'am.
Glasgow Evening Times.
Newitt-Lend you V? Why don't
you borrow it from Markley? He is
ut Araif n I'M
as well as l know you. Newitt-That's
just it, and he doesn't know you as well
as l do.-Philadelphia Press.
Hazlitt-So you really think that
Miss Mezzotint is a genuine artist?
And yet you never heard her. Barsad
No, but she freely admits that she
sings her selections. She does not claim
that she renders" them. - Boston
Transcript.
Tess-I understand Miss Krusty actu-
ally paid me a compliment the other
evening. Jess-NOt quite, but she came
as near it as could be expected of her.
Tess-What did she say? Jess-She
said you were very charming-but-"
Philadelphia Press.
Wide Open: Briggs-Well, old man,
how is that Authors Club of yours get
ting on? Griggs- First-rate; we have
made a rule that no one can belong to
it unless he has written book. Briggs
is that so? ! had an idea that it was
An exclusive affair.-Life.
Benedick-It is said that most of the
people who commit suicide are unmar-
ried. How are you going to get around
that? O'Batch-Oh, well, s'pose after
fellow has been married a while he
gets so he can put up with almost any
thing-ChicagO Times Herald.
Clerk Ito patent-medicine man)-Here
is a curious credential from one of our
customers. Medicine Man-Read it.
Clerk-Before | took your elixir my
face was a sight. You ought to see it
now. Send me another bottle for my
mother-in-law. Harlem Life.
Hello, Jones, moving again so soon
1 thought you were perfectly satisfied
with your present home" Il was, old
man, but the fact is our sitting-room is
covered with a goldenrod pattern, and
/ can't cure my hay fever at all. The
landlady won't repaper it, and so we
have to move."-Puck.
Owens-Is Mr.. Lenders in? Boy
Not yet, sir; but l expect him every
minute. Owens-It's 10 O'clock, isn't
it? Boy-Nearly. The clock will strike
in half minute, if not sooner. There
it goes! Owens-Al right. / promised
IN ha hare at IN O'Clock and nov hin,