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knew.-Smart Set
Mrs. Jones-Don't trouble yourself to
see me to the door, Mrs. Smith. Mrs.
Smith-No trouble. Quite pleasure, 1
assure you.-Tit-Bits.
His Total Eclipse: The Cynic-Ah!
poor man, he's gone over to the silent
majority! Jones-Dead? The Cynic-
No. Married.-Smart Set
Minister-So you saw some boys fish
ing on the Sabbath, my young man. Did
you do anything to discourage them ?
Small Boy-Yes, sir. stole their bait.
-Ex.
Teacher-And why should we endeav-
or to rise by our own efforts? Johnnie
Wise-Cause there's no tellin' when the
alarm-clock will go wrong.-Baltimore
American.
Guide (referring to the Egyptian pyra-
mids)-It took hundreds of years to
build them. O'Brien (the wealthy con-
tractor)-Thin it wor a gover'mint job
eh?-Tit-Bits.
|
being drunk? Ard how did he know he
was drunk? Costigan-W Whoy, tn 4om
fool wint and fell six shtories widout
hurting himself.-Judge.
| Reward of Merit: Nellie Gracious!
How do you manage to knit so much in
so short a time? Ninette-Every time
do ten rows, give myself chocolate
Chicago Tribune
In the Census: New Yorker-It Is
estimated that China has population
Of about four hundred millions. Chi
cagoan-By cracky! wouldn't that make
scrumptious suburb ?-Bazar
A Great Joke: 81 heard a joke at the
theater last night" what was it?"
''Oh, l can't remember, but it was a
corker; l have to laugh every time /
think of t"-Columbus (Ohio) State
| Journal
Brothers in Misery: Wife-Strange
how many great men have been mar
ried to shrews. Now there's Socrates,
Duerer, Luther, and Husband with
a sign)-What a genius must be then!
-Jugend.
Field for an Anti-crue,ty Society: The
| Wife-I do believe would fall dead if
you were to come home early some
evening. The Brute-You will have to
offer bigger bribe than that.-In-
dianapolis Press.
We All Wonder: Little Clarence (who
has an inquiring mind)-Pa! Mr.. CALI
pers-Uh? Little Clarence-Pa, how
does it come that Mr.. Windbagger, who
declares that there Is no freedom Of
speech in this country, talks all the
| time Puck.
And you say you have made for
young man with the literary look. "Yes,
SIR" replied the comfortable person;
"and l deserved it; it is one of the best
fountain pens ever put on the market"
Washington Star.
Evidence of truthfulness: Judge Ito
female witness)-Your name, madam?
Witness Matilda Murphy, sir; aged
i6. Judge-Well, really! (To the jury:
| Gentlemen. you will be kind enough to
believe everything Miss Murphy has to
ay.-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Excuse me, SIR" said the man in the
next seat, ""but your cigar is burning
hole in your paper" ''That is all
right responded the other; II am just
burning out the price of those electric
seals at to-morrow's bargain sale. You
see, take this paper home" ."-Philadel-
phia Record.
| Won Blumef-What's the matter? You
look sad. Dimpleton-I feel sad. This
morning l deceived my wife for the
| first time. Won Blumer-Oh, is that all 7?
| Pooh! You'll recover. Don't let that
worry you. Dimpleton-But it does,
old man. She caught me at it.-Detroit
Free Press.
| Precautions: 'Talk about absent
mipdedness! jenkins is the most alb
sent-minded beggar know" whats
he done now?' "Why, he wrote the
combination Of the safe on a piece to
paper to keep from forgetting it, and
then locked the paper in the safe to
keep from losing it."-Denver Times.
| His little game: She-You know that
check for one hundred dollars you gave
me? Well, they refused to cash it. The
teller said that you only had seventy
| five dollars in the bank. He-By Jove,
I'm awfully sorry, dear. She--Oh, 1t
was all right; deposited twenty five
dollars, and then they gave me the
money.-Life.
She-To live with you, dear George,
on a desert island-to be always near
you-that would be my great joy hence
forth. He-You dear girl! And that Is
really all you ask for? She-Yes. If
there is one other thing | should like
when we're married, it is that you will
take a box at the opera for the season.
Will you, George dear?--Pick-Me-U Up.
! A choice of terms: Here's another
man who got away with some money
that didn't belong to him." said the