The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1901-11-01

10 bright st. Peters, Eaton Square.
oh what good and gracious sight,
In this pAtriclOn stress.
To see thronging church by night
Ablaze with evening dress;
The fash Of diamond studs, together
With pumps of cleaning patent leather
No longer in the days TODD
Shall parsons earn the fee
That comes from making one OF two
And setting ladies free;
Men take the ieSSpUWeil. in the dark.
Pail Mall Gazette
Lawyers with an appreciative sense of
humor enjoy nothing so much as to get
a quick-witted, ready-tongued son of the
Emerald Isle on the stand to relieve the
monotony Of the legal technicalities of
case. A gentleman who has been col
lecting samples of Irish wit and repartee
for some time relates the following anec-
dotes. Some of them are doubtless mel
low with age, but in any case they will
bear repetition:
"Are you guilty or not guilty?" asked
the court clerk Of a prisoner charged
with some trivial offense.
"Phwat are yees there for but to foind
out?' was the quick rejonder.
A henpecked husband had his better
plaintiff was on the stand
"And now. Mr.. O'TOole,' said his
counsel, will you kindly tell the jury
whether your wife was in the habit Of
striking you with impunity?
vivid what, sor?'
with impunity."
''She wuz. sor. now an then; but she
ginerally used tn potaty masher.'
A witness, testifying in a murder case,
was asked 20 describe to the jury the ex-
act location of a flight Of stairs.
Explain to the jury" said the prose-
cutting attorney, exactly how the steps
run"
"Shure. sor, if We sthand at tn bottom
they run up, an if ye sthand at tn top
they run down.
In a suit brought by an installment
house to obtain payment for suit of
what ''quartered oak" meant. Here is
his definitions:
1T means thot it's thra-quarters
poine. Sun.
When a young minister of high church
tendencies was called to preside over
congregation that abhorred ritualism
services, he called on Bishop Potter to
ask what would be the result if he went
in for ritualism just bit. Suppose
should burn a pastille or two during the
service: what dc YOU think would
MAJ bishop, 5 for ! dearly wish to try
would fume, and you would go out in
smoke quickly replied the bishop
New York Times.
"While I was in practice" says Judge
Gates Of Kansas City, Il was before the
Supreme court on one occasion. While
waiting for my case to be called lis
tened to a lawyer from the southwestern
was at least feet inches tall, and
had voice so deep that when he spoke
it seemed like the rumbling of Niagara.
Il will read he said, from work with
which your hOnOrs are no doubt familiar
Blackstone The judges did not smile.
although there was a decided twinkle in
their eyes as they glanced at each other
'There is reference here, your honors, to
a footnote by Lord Granville. l would
have your hOnors pay particular attention
to this note, because it is by Lord Gran
willie The judges waited expectantly.
The lawyer held the book in front of him,
coughed as many times in rather an en-
barrassed manner. Everybody waited
for several seconds. Finally he said:
Your hOnOrs, l see on closer inspection
that this footnote is in Latin, so reckon
Id better skip that.
II Sees said Old 81. 'dey am still
ifightin' an massakerin' round ODER dar
in de Fillppines?"
Yes, those savages have been doing
some bloody work lately"
'Well, hit look lack ter me dat we all
Yankees o99jghter do better in de game
What game?"
"De game o flopena, boss"'
whats that got to do with the case?''
IVY yo' amt forgot. is yer dat III de
game wild filopenas de pusson dat guesscs
fust wins out! OATS why we gotter
spunk up an guess faster"-Atlanta Con-
stitution.
Two clubmen were discussing the finan-
cial affairs of some of their acquain-
tances.
Now, there's Brown. He's been spec
ulating heavily in wheat. How has he
come out?''
Away ahead''
''And there's Williams. He has dab
anythingY'
He hasn't done as we'll as Brown has
But Thompson-you know Thompson?"
Yes. know him.
We'll, he's worth as much as Brown
and Williams put together
'There you're wrong. l know Thomp-
sons; circumstances exactly. He isn't
worth a cent
"Just so. Brown is worth $500, 600,
and Williams is 100000 worse off than
nothing. If you combine the wealth of
the two it amounts to nothing, the same
as Thompson's. Have you forgotten your
mathematics? '-Youth's Companion.
Two men were discussing an acquain-
lance whose desire to gain wealth and
distate for any demands upon his charity
were equally we'll known.
What in the world does he want with
more money?' demanded one of the men,
in the tone Of one who defes the public
at large to find an answer to his Ques-
ton. He hasn't any near relatives, and
he doesn't begin to spend his income
now"
"!Ah." said the other man, chats just
it, He wants to economic on a still
larger scale.'-Tit-Bits.
-:O:-
A new crop of Mrs. Malapropisms was
gathered by the passengers who returned
to this country not long ago on the same