The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1901-10-05
; Wit of Lord Morris
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Irishmen have a worldwide reputation
for wit, and among the natives of the
Emerald isle who have contributed their
share toward the acquiring of this repu-
tation no class is better known than Ire
lands humorous judges.
Lord Morris Is propaply the most h ~
morous judge on the Irish bench, which
is saying a great deal. He is known
from end to end of Ireland for his vast
knowledge on innumerable subjects ana
for his brilliant intellect says an eX-
change, but the man in the Irish street
knows him chiefly as the judge who
knows how TO make a good joke. he
is more dignified now than in the days
OF his youth-he is in the seVenties-but
only the other day he leaned over the
bench, when sitting as lord chief justice
OF Ireland, and asked a young barrlster
where he came from. County Antrim
my lord, was the reply, and the Judge
turning to his clerk, asked: Did .ye
liver come across SIGH frightful ACCENT
in the course OF yer loife?''
He was more unBind still to a doctor
who was giving evidence in a case be-
fore him. 1t was at Coleraine, where a
veterinary surgeon was being sued for
damages for the value OF a horse which
II was said he had poisoned. The case
turned on the number of grains which
could be administered to the horse with
safety, and a dispeasary doctor stated
that he had often given eight grains TO
man, the suggestion being that twelve
cessive Never mind your eight grains,
said Lord Morris We all know that
some poisons are cumulative in effect,
and we may go to Lac edge of ruin with
impunity. But the twelve grains-would
they Kill the devil himself If he sWal-
lowed them The doctor, who seemed
annoyed. did not lSnow-he had never
had him for a patient. All. no, doc
Their. we niver had, came from the
bench: 'more's the pity. The old bhoy,s
still alive
It was in Lord Morris court that one
of the strangest judgments on record
was once given. 1t was an abduction
case, the offense being of purely teen
nical character. The judge listened pa
tiently to the whole of the evidence. and
then, addressing the jury. said: am
compelled to direct you to find Nerdict
OF guilty in this case, but you viii easily
see that ! think it is trif1ing thing,
which ] regard as cutie unit to occupy
my time. 1t is more valuable imam
yours. At any rate, il Is much better
paid. Find, therefore, the prisoner guilty
OF abduction, which rests. mind We, on
four Doints-the father was not averse.
the mother was not opposed. the girl was
willing and the boy was conVaynient.
The jury found the prisoner guilty, ana
the Judge sentenced him to remain IN the
dock till the rising OF the court! Hardly
had he delivered sentence than, turning
TO the sheriff, Lord Morris said. Let us
go, and, looking at the prisoner ne
called across the court: Marry me girl
Ii was Lord Norris who. when some
body spoke of Mr. Gladstone as heaven
born genius. hoped that 1T may be
long time before heaven is again in an
interesting condition"
II fell to the lot of Lord Morris to ar
ray himself in gorgeous and gaudy robes
at a flower show which was opened py
the Princess Christian, and his lordship
felt compelled to apologize to the
princess for his apparel. Your royal
highness will observe he said, that
as vice chancellor of the university !
am compelled to wear all this inery.
think it only fair to offer you this ex-
PLANTATION. lest you should think am
trying to transform myself into sun
flower