davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1901-08-22
Expatriated Americans.

'@Thergs nothing left for me to do
in the United States except to pine
away" said the retired politician.
''All my old friends have become
voluntary expatriates. There's Willy
AstOr. Why, l taught him how to
kiss babies in our district and sent
him to the legislature. Couldn't get
him to congress because he wouldn't
put up the dough. Ran on his
popularity and got licked like -.
Got mad and moved to England to
be among gentlemen! Ha! ha! Crok-
er's gone because there's too much
leakage in Tammany Hall leakage
of information. He's got the notion
somebody's going to tell something
rotten. Poultney Bigtlow amt a
naturalized Britisher yet, but lives in
London SOS he can keep the English
men red-hot on the subject Of his
friend the kaiser. He's had charge
of the kaiser about fifteen years.
Pierre Loril1ard only came home to
die. He had no use for America.
Bradley Martin likes to be near the
Societe de Sport de Pile de Puteaux
and to hear Viscount Ellington lisp
'Grandpop.' Yes, yes; they're all go
ing. If I could induce Larry Del
mour to go with me I'd buy a plot
in Piccadllly and settle down for life.
This country is too dead slow"
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1901-08-22
So Ways the World.

Madge-I had most delightful time
at the piano recital this afternoon.
Marjorie lucky you are to have
father who can give you money all
the time for tickets. The overture
must have been beautiful.
Madge-I don't quite recollect, but
the pianist's hair was just lovely. He
must spend more time on it than on
his practicing.
MarjOrie-HOw was the sonata?
Madge-I guess that was all right,
but 1 was in dreamIand all the time,
for 1 knew mine was the prettiest
gown in the whole audience.
Marjorie-Do you honestly think, my
dear, that you derived any real bene-
fit from the recital?
Madge-I am sure of it, love. All
the music in my nature seemed to be
aroused by the young artists skillfuI
rendition, and the moment l arrived
home I sat down to my piano and
played a whole lot Of those lovely rag
time coon melodies.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1901-08-22
The Beers Little Joke.

The British officers in the Transvaal
who are inclined to enjoy joke,
whatever the reaction, are delighted
with an anecdOte relating to an inter
view between Kitchener and the BOer
general, Botha.
At the conclusion OF the fruitless
conference to arrange terms of peace,
Botha said:
"Well, must be gone"
"Don't be in hurry" said Kitchen
er, hospitab bly,. "You haven't got to
catch a train"
'But that's just what 1 have got to
do" answered Botha, as he took his
leave.
And so he had, for two days later
he caught and looted train on the
Delagoa line not far from the place OF
meeting.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1901-08-22

I Mr.. and Mrs. Frank Barnes, OF Wau-
kesha, are spending week with re1a.
tives and friends in Pleasant Prairie.
Racine is to have six day bicycle
race next week. Four of the leading
lady riders of the world will compete
The A. 0. U. w. promises a good
time at their ball Labor mig tt in their
new hall in the Barr & Brister build.
ing.
Misses Ade1ine Brooks and Beu1ah
Osborne, of Milwaukee, are visiting
with Mr.. and Mrs. ]. K. Balloon in
this city.
Peter B. Bogarth, of Milwaukee,
was an interested visitor at the meet
ing of the Board of Education Tues.
day night.
More rain and the weather man is
still predicting showers. Evidently
even the farmer will get sufficient rain
this month.
H. J. Thompson has filed an applica-
ton to be allowed to plead guilty to
the charge of embezzlement in the
County court.
DR.. Will La Ferte and wife, and two
sons, who have been visiting Mrs.
r. o. Gottfredsen, have returned to
their home in Milwaukee.
Miss Imogene Bacon with her pupils
will give musicale at Bristol Aug.
| 9th. A ladies quartette will assist in
the program. Admission 25c. and 15c.
The coal men are announcing that
there will be an advance of so cents a
ton in the price of coal in the near
future. This is indeed cheerful news.
The Badger Brass works have recent
1y received large orders for carriage
lamps, and this department of the
plant promises to be very busy in the
next few weeks.
Mrs. M. Schneider, of Madison, Ind,
after visiting her sister in Shenan-
doah, Ia, is now visiting her brother,
M. Center of this city, who met her in
Chicago and accompanied her to this
city.
The people of Evanston have decid-
ed that they do not want "The Chris
tan Catholic Church in Zion'' to have
a branch office in Evanston and it is
probable that the Elders will get an
other wet reception if another effort is
made to establish a congregation in
that city.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1901-08-22
sherry and Loyalty.

A good story is going about in con
nection with the royal wine sale.
There is, of course, a god deal of "tast-
ing" but the quantity allowed is not
large to the proposed buyer. Four en-
terprising gentlemen, however, got
hold of a whole bottle for tasting
purposes, and, retiring to little room,
poured it into glasses. The ringleade1
had just proposed the kings health
when a voice was heard: 81 am sure,
gentlemen, the king will be much OBJ
iged to you for your loyalty" It
was the voice of a high court official
in charge of the sale.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1901-08-22
BARGAIN COLUMN

ADVE REFRESHMENTS Of 40 words or less may
be inserted in this column for one day or for
one week for Is cents payable in advance. IL
persons VINO are out OF employment and are
advertising for a position, half p ice. Ad-
vertise1nents longer than forty words costs
Is cents for each additional 40 words or ie.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1901-08-22

UORsE WANTED-Large surrey horse for
II children TO drive to 10 years old. MUS
be city broke, gentle and kind. Apply Henry
S. Cooper, 372 Park Ave-. Telephone 24O dwa22
nor SALE-The Ludwig farm of 314 acres
Il situated in the southeast corner of Br1gh-
ton, Kenosha county. Is we'll improved with
flowing well and good buildings. viii be so d
in bulk or part to suit purchaser, Address all
correspondence to Jacob Ludwig, 3O1 Main ST..
KenOSha, Wis. wit
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

bag for married sister. and a little
knit shawl for her grandmother, and
a pair of skates for boy cousin, and
various other things for divers other
persons, including a fine meerschaum
ing tobacco for her brother who was
at college. and who wouldn't be home
till New Years. Each thing she care
fully put up in box or bundle and
laid it away.
The day before Christmas was
er-to-be-forgotten time for the
Rev. Mr.. Stanwix. Slippers just came
down on him like an Egyptian plague.
Along about four o'clock Stanwix
got crowded out of his room-slippers
piled half way to the ceiling-and had
to put chair out in the hall and sit
there with an atlas of the world in his
lap writing his Christmas sermon on
It. Mighty tough sermon it was, too,
and got tougher as the slippers contin-
ued to arrive. Fact is. he was getting
pretty mad; and every new pair sent
his temperature up five degrees. Con-
sequently, at ten o'clock he was just
boiling. OF course he couldn't swear,
but the way he tramped up and down
that hall and ground his teeth really
amounted to the same thing. The
arriving slippers now began to fall off.
For ten minutes nothing came, and he
was Just starting down to ask the
landlady II she couldn't put a cot in
the hall SO he could go to bed, when
in came another box. 1t was from
Jane-just her luck, of course, to be
late and strike him when he was all
worked up to the bursting point. But
let us draw a veil over the scene right
here and leave the poor man alone as
he opens James box.
1t was not more than half-past nine
the next morning when the Rev. Mr..
Stanwix mounted the Wilkinson steps
and tugged at the door bell He asked
for Jane. 1t seemed rather queer. but
they ushered him into the parlor and
sent Jane in. Well, to make long
story short, 1t wasn't ten minutes
until he had the thing all fixed up. He
had his chair drawn close up beside
her end of the sofa
Jane" he was saying, I've loved
you ever since the first day saw you.
but 1 never knew it until l opened
your box"
Then you liked them. did you?
I'm SO glad" murmured Jane.
Il should say did, Why, it's one
of the finest meerschaums ever saw.
and that tobacco used to be my favor
lite brand at college. But, Jane, how
did you know 1 used to smoke, and
was dying to begin again."
Jane had stopped breathing at the
word meerschaum. Now she caught
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

There used to be young man
named Stanwix who was rector of a
church at little town in New Jersey
called Appleburg. Very amiable young
man. not long in the ministry, and un-
married. Nlce-looking chap, too, and
bright fellow. but he had his trials
at Appleburg. Mainly it was the wo-
men-they thought he ought to marry
and of course they were right. But
thinking so wasn't enough for those
dear Appleburg ladies'; with the true
feminine desire to help they resolved
to see that he did marry. But here
again they showed a universal femi-
nine trait by refusing to combine and
work together. They all labored hard
enough, but independently, and each
with view to inducing the minister
to marry different woman.
1t had been going on thus for some
months when Christmas approached.
Now of course there isn't much you
can give any man for Craftsmanship
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

WHY DON'T YOU GET MARRlED?"
pers and pipes and shot-guns and Slip
pers And in the case of a parson it's
still worse-you've got to drop off the
pipes and shotguns. leaving only Slip
pers-and slippers. OF course there are
book-marks and easy chairs, but the
first are trivial and the latter expen-
sive; besides, IL he is unmarried and
you are of the opposite sex. and in the
same state, you will see that you ought
to give him something made with your
own fair hands. and you can't make an
easy chair. So slippers it had to be
for the Rev. NJ. Stanwix. especially
after his landlady had been sounded
on the subject and reported that the
poor man didn't have slipper to his
name.
Well, the result was, of course, that
the whole hundred and thirty-six mar
riageable ladies at Appleburg went to
work on slippers; and few of the
flock who already had husbands also
began slippers, out of the goodness Of
their hearts. probably, or maybe think
ing that they might be widows some
day and might as well have pair to
their credit. The slaughter of plush
and embroidery materials was some
thing cyclonic. and the local shoe
maker had to sit up nights pegging on
soles. Even unfortunate little Jane
Wilkinson went at pair hammer and
tongs, though everybody said she
hadn't ghost of show. In the first
place Jane was too young-her older
sister Katharine was conceded to have
right to enter for the contest, but it
was universally held that Jane had no
right to compete at all. Besides be-
ing too young-she was really nineteen
or twenty-she was also plain. She
might have a certain girlish prettiness.
but not the beauty which the wife of
so handsome shepherd as the Rev.
Mr.. Stanwix should have. Further
more, Jane was in no other way adapt
ed for the position-she had been a
good deal of a tomboy, and was yet, for
that matter; she was frivolous and
careless, and was always putting her
foot in it. The first time the pastor
had called at the Wilkinson house.
and while Katherine was entertaining
him in the parlor in the most ap-
proved and circumspect manner. Jane
had blundered in, and inside of five
minutes asked him why he didn't get
married-all the girls said he ought
to. Jane had explained to everybody
that she meant it as joke. but it hao
generally been pronounced ill-timed
and in bad taste.
But poor Jane kept working away on
her slippers regardless of the talk
Everybody said that James slippers
wouldn't fit, or that they would both
be for one foot. or that she would get
the heels sewed on the toe end. or
something. Jane finally put on the
finishing touches and then packed them
in pasteboard box and tied it with
pink ribbon.
Then she got her other Christmas
presents ready. She had lot of hand
ksrchiefs for an aunt. and a shopping
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18
A CHRISTMAS WAIT.
BY Emma Alice Browne

By Emma Alice Browne.
Break In the dreary East. and bring the
Rise. holy Christmas morning! Break
and bring
Tho blossom of our hope-the stainless
For weary Is the night.
Strange darkness wraps the haggard
And worn with failure. spent with grief
and loss.
From the pathetic shadow of His Cross
We yearn and cry to Him.
Sad pilgrims burdened with unshriven
Oppressed. and covering meath the chas-
tcning rod,
We humbly seek the path His feet have
trod.
And strive to enter in.
His anger is so slow-TIis love so great
Tho we have wandered in forbidden
ways.
spurned and denied Him. all our fruit
He calls us long and late.
We are so poor. or all the sauandered
years
We bring no tithes OF OIL or corn, or
wine.
Nor any Offering to His spotless shrine.
Save penitential tears.
We can but cry to Him in bitter stress;
Yet He will not despise our nakedness.
Nor break the bruised reed.
Hard was the lot for Ills contentmcnt
spread.
Rough was His garb, and rude His lent
en- fare.
In all the earth He had not anywhere
To lay his weary head!
His patience is so long His wrath SO
SLOW
Tho mocked and scofred, insulted and
denied.
Beaten with many stripes. and crucihed.
He Will not bid us go.
BY all the anguishe of His laden breast
Tho bloody sweat-the seepless agony
The pangs and pennance of Gethsemane-
He givcth the weary rest.
Break BIN in the dreary East. oh. mornlng'
With healing in thy holy wings. and
Frultion of our hope-the promised
And blameless Sacrificed
A sudden pulse of waking life we hear
Throb in the hush of hollow glade and
dell;
The hills take up their olden canticle:
Behold! The Dawn is near!"
And far against the soft auroraI glow
The wales. rejoicing, seem to lift and
yenrn
Thro' curling mists below.
And far along the radiant heights of
morn
a sudden burst of choral triumph swelIs.
The sweet Tc Deum of an hundred bells
And 10! 'Messiahs born!'
And all the burden OF our grief and sin
As humbly knocking at the Masters door
lie bids us enter in.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18
TALKS ON ADVERTISING.

The best way to advertise is just tc
advertise. Get at it with a view to hav.
ing the people know what you most
desire to sell, and incidentally letting
them know that the specified items dc
not represent your full stock Say in
teresting things about interesting goods
and have the goods to talk.
Men talk of the secret of successful
advertising. but 1t is all very plain The
essentials are to offer what people
want at fair prices. and to offer it in
way that will make readers know
they want it. The art in writing an
advertisement Is to speak as the inter-
ested and well-informed merchant
would speak to prospective customer.
The mere appearance of n business
mans name and address in every issue
of leading newspaper will do work to
increase his trade. Every business man,
however, is able to give facts about his
establishment which will encourage
people to deal with him. To state such
facts clearly in newspaper is the prin-
cipal secret of successful advertising
The idea that 1t takes a number OF
impressions to make the average ad-
vertisement effective is not new. Forty
years ago an English advertiser said
to the publisher of the Cornhill Maga-
zine: I'VE don't consider that an ad-
vertisement seen for the first time by
reader is worth much. The second
time it counts for something. The third
time the readers attention is arrested:
the fourth time he reads it through and
thinks about it; the fifth makes a pur-
chaser of him. 1t takes time to soak
In"
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18
MOVED INTO THE HALL"

her breath, and for once in her ;ife
rose to the occasion and didn't put her
foot in it. She simply looked up at
him and smiled demurely.
"Oh, / guessed it," she said.
ut was the best guess you ever
made. I should have died last night
amidst that awful landslide of slippers
IL 1 hadn't smoked about half of that
tobacco. 1 mean to keep on smoking
now-that is, il you don't object,
dear?"
Jane scored again.
IT rather like the smell of good to-
bacco," she said.-Saturday Evening
Post.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18
Only President witnou. an "a"

President Roosevelt is the first oc-
cupant OF the White House in whose
name the letter "a does not appear.
Not only has that letter appeared in
the names of all previous Presidents.
but also in the names of nearly every
one of the 81 Americans who have re-
ceived votes for President in the cleo
toral college down to William j.
Bryan. There are only eight excso-
tions to this rule.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

The Dominic used to complain some-
times about the character of the stories
the rest of us told. He said they were
too economical in their use of the ele-
ment of truth. And truth was SO
cheap. AID also so interesting. he
would say. We were always ready to
admit that 1t was interesting, but were
not so free to acknowledge its cheap
'ess. Like ether exotics it seemed to
'ensive. Fiction. being so much
easily produced, appeared to be
true mental provender in the Corn
Lob Club, a social institution where
we decided questions OF great pith and
moment by the aid of the civilizing
and ennobling influence of tobacco in
cinerated in cob-pipes. The Dominic
had quit smoking when he entered the
ministry, but he always said the cobs
smelt good, so we had hopes of his
reclamation; besides, the air was usu-
ally so thick that he absorbed enough
to bring him up. in a large measure,
to the high philosophic plane occupied
by the rest of us.
1t happened on Christmas Eve that
somebody told story appropriate
enough to the season so far as the SUBJ
ject went. but palpably impossible con-
sidered as a happening. At least the
Dominic said it was. and threatened to
tell a Christmas story himself; and
being counseled by the Professor. who
was classical in his language. to "blaze
away" the good man complied as fol-
lows:
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18
HoM.A UhiAf

We offer One Hundred Dollars reward for any
Catarrh Cure
+. J. CHENEY & CO.. Props. Toledo. O.
We, the undersigned. have known F. J.
Cheney for the last Is years and believe him
perfectly honorable In all business transactions
and financially able to carry out any obliga-
lions made by their firm.
West & Truax, Wholesale Druggists. Toledo
D.: Walding. kinnan s. Marvin, Wholesale
Druggists. Toledo. Ohio.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally. act
Ing directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces
u the system. Testimonials sent free. Price
ioc per bottle. Sold by all druggists.
Halls Family Pills are the best
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18
Origin of the Alphabet

Professor ]. G. Clarke of Upper Alton,
Illinois. has sent to the Smithsonian In
stitution unique volume, in which is
compiled the alphabets of the world, so
tabulated as to show the origin of all
Of them in the Egyptian hieroglyphics
and to exhibit the development of each
from its earliest to its latest forms.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18
I.ife n, Growing Lonrer.

From statistics and certain changes In
our methods OF living. 1t has been proven
that life is being steadily heightened. We
are justified in believing this when we
consider the great advance made in medi-
eine during the past fifty years, the most
Stomach Bitters. This ideal medicine
cures headache, sour stomach. belching.
heartburn and Indigestion, also steadies
the nerves. induces sound sleep and pre-
vents malaria. fever and ague. Be sure
To try It.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

Mother Grny's Sweet Powders for Children
Successfully used by Mother Gray, nurse
in the Children's Home in New York. Cure
Feverishness, Bad Stomach, Teething Dis
orders. move and regulate the Bowels and
Destroy Worms. Over 10000 testimonials.
At all druggists, 25c. Sample FREE. Ad-
dress Allen s. Olmsted, LeRoy, N. Y.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

Naturally people want to be WE'LL Tor
piness and good cheer. Therefore. take
Garfield Tea now. Its uses are manifold
1t cures all arrangements of stomach.
liver. kidneys or bowels: 1t cleanses the
system and purifies the blood. thus re-
moving the cause Of rheumatism. Eout
and many chronic diseases. 1t is good Ior
young and old and has been held In the
highest repute for many years. Physi-
clans recommend 1t.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

II can find my way out of this Ia
byrinth all right" said Theseus. as he
availed himself of the clew given him
by Adriadne and threaded The winding
passages unerringly, but if you
should ask me to spell the blamed
word you'd have me beat"
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

And tell them of Garfield Tea. which
cures indigestion and liver disorders and
insures the return of many Happy Christ.
mas Dinners by removing the cause ol
dyspepsia and ill-health.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

He-It was hard work to keep from
kissing you last night. She-Well you
must be careful not to over-exert your
self. Jack.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

where there's will there's a way
That's gospel. however you take ii,
For most any lawyer-for pay
\ way will discover to break it,
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

A guaranteed cure for Rheumatism
Marshall's Remedy for Rheumatism, Gou
and Neuralgia. Ali druggists refund mon
ey IL 1t fails.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

1t is said that many a fool has b
maintaining silence made people beliey
he possessed wisdom. This is n mis-
take. fool never knows enough t
keep quiet,
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

Do not suffer the agonies of Rheuma-
tism. Marshalrs Remedy for Rheuma-
tism .Gout and Neuralgia is guaranteed
by ali druggists.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

A Dry Jolie.-All flesh is grass, but
President Roosevelt's secretary OF
state is Hay.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

Ntceboy-I say. Chawlie. did you tell
me girl sent her kiss by you? Char
lie-I did: and she said it was much nicer
than If you had brought It,
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

An Irishman says there is no blessing
like health, especially when you are sick
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

Perdita-I understand Mr.. Binks play.
the violin. Lydecker-You have beei
misinformed. He works 1t.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18
wish An a Merry Chri.tmn.i

The man who owns but one shirt is.
necessarily. short of change.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

:, A German nerve specialist says that
bad grammar is a disease. He might
have added that It is endemic.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

Just think what we'd be missing"
Said he, IF that delighted
Discoverer of kissing
Had had 1t copyrighted"
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

Piso's Cure is the best medicine we ever used
for all affections of the throat and lungs.-WN.
O. ENpsLEY, Vanhuren. Ind, Feb. 10. 1900.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

Pain. suffering. Wizard OIL could not
live together. SO pain and suffering
moved out. Ask your druggist about it.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

A western Judge has decided that saus-
age isn't sausage unless it is in links.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

Mrs. winsIow's Soothing syrur.
For children teething, sofens the gums, reduces I'm
hammation allays pain. wind collie 25c bottle
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

PUTNAM FADELESS DYES are tho
brightest, fastest and easiest to use.
Sold by druggists, 10c. per package.
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18

| IIond.
| when h
IonStrat |
shoe In.
lone or
Iafterws
Ito strih
1.-THE use
The Lamar register., 1901-12-18
BROWN PAL ACE HOTEL. 1PS2LEE5as sPss EEs6s
Eurorenn and American plans 81 30 ami "a and M

WANTED Men to learn barber trade Tools and
W board furnished: positions guaranteed. Write
for Particular. Molers' Barber College, Denver