The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1901-06-08
WIT AND WISDOM

which confront them, and particularly
grammatical questions, is apt to find
that such rules frequently disastrously
fail to fit all cases. Once an examiner
was questioning the pupils of a coun-
try school. He wrote on the black
board the sentence: 'The fly has
WINGS" and asked a class what part
of speech each word was. They parsed
the "the" without any trouble What
part Of speech - 'fy'?" "Adverb,"
shouted all the class in unison. "What!
Fly an adverb?" Eyes, STRIP shouted
the boys with great posltiveness.
'What makes you think it is an ad-
verb?' "'Cause the master told us
last week that all words that end in
'ly' are adverbs."
The cross-examiner was a smart
man, whose object was to disconcert
the witness and discredit his testi-
mony. "What did you say your name
wasp was the first question asked.
michael Doherty." Michael Doher-
ty, eli? Now, Doherty, answer this
question carefully. Are you married
man." II think so. 1 was married."
$50 you think because you got married
that you are married man, do you?
Now, tell me whom you married"
"Who married? 1 married woman"
"Now, don't you know better than to
trifle with the court? Of course you
married woman; did you ever hear
Of anyone marrying MANI" "Yes,
my sister did"
ga year or two ago." said a young
man to a friend, II spent few weeks
at south coast watering places. One
day saw machine which bore the
inscription, Drop penny in the slot
and learn how to make your trousers
last AS l hadn't great deal of mon
ey 1 thought an investment of penny
to show me how to save the purchase
of a pair Of trousers would be small
capital put to good use, so dropped
the required coin in and a card ap-
peared. What do you suppose 1t rec
commended as the way to make my
trousers last?" Don't wear 'em, 1
suppose" mo" "What did it say q"
snake your coat and waistcoat first"
"Hiram, 1 am considering proposal
of marriage, and, as you have been
coming to see me for nearly six years,
l thought it would be no more than
right to tell you of it." "Why, Bella,
II have always wanted to ask you
myself" "Why haven't you done it?"
"I-I haven't dared to. Will you marry
me, Bella?" "Yes." "You dear GIRL"
pause, properly filled up.) "Tell me,
now, Bella. whose proposal Of mar
rage you were considering" yours,
Hiram"
When Judge was giving his charge
to the jury in burglary case in Pals
ley, one of the jurymen tainted. His
lordship had just said impressively:
Gentlemen of the jury, in arriving at
a verdict you must take the statments
of the witnesses for the defense into
consideration, and give them full
weight" 1t was Mt the words land
give them full weight" that the jury
man swooned away. He was a coal
dealer.
"You have quite number of the
poets," said Goodby, who was inspect,
ing Woodby's library. "Ah! there's
Browning. Do you understand him?"
mo, I don't" said Woodby. "Ah"
said Goodby, continuing his examina-
ton; shave you Praed?" Certainly
not. What's the use of praying? 1
amt anxious to understand him."
"Ah, Gwendolynne," exclaimed the
imprisoned but somewhat obscure
author, "marry me! I can not live
without you. You are the we'll from
which draw all my inspiration" The
maiden thought long before she framed
her reply. mo, Harold" she said, II
can not marry you and be your we'll,
but I will always be cistern to you"
Am inspector was examining class
in religious knowledge, and asked the
following question Of little girl, in
tending it for catch: what was
the difference between Noah's ark and
Joan of Arc?" He was not little sur
prised when the child, answering, said:
"The difference was that Noah's ark
was made of wood, while Joan of Arc
was Maid Of Orleans"
Lady Passenger-Do you know, cap
tain, I have never been able to under
stand how you find your way across
the ocean. Captain-Why, by the
compass. The needle always points to
the north. Lady Passenger-Yes,
know. But supposing you want to 20
south?
do you. ever look back on your life
and reflect on the opportunities YOU
have missed?" inquired the melancholy
man. mo, sir" answered the hustler.
ut would be just my luck to miss some
more while was brooding over what
can't be helped"
Professor Huxley once wrote in re-
gard to scientific congress over which
he was to preside: can this week 1
shall be occupied in hearing one jack