The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1901-02-20
HOWELL'S DISCOVERY

AhSAN N"o Bioh gOhhs ilbhb III Oht OgNh
Of Howell Van Rensselaer, Gibbon as he
stalked into the room, tenderly clutohine
small, pink paper covered book.
Look out" he cried, "I'm a dangerous
mani Pm primed with destinations clear
TO the limit, and I've only to look once at
you girls to make you grovel at my feet AT
last have found out how these Willie boys
who have three dinner invitations every
night and who use crested, scented notes
twisted up to light their cigarettes manage
It'll They're going to unload popularity at
my front door from a moving van as soon
as beginl"
The young persons who sat with dropped
jaws said: "Why%
Howell sat down and opened the pink
book. "Thename of this valuable brochure"
he said, "is The Art of Being Popular with
the Ladies' picked it up at a cheap book
stand. The anonymous Samaritan who
wrote it simply shovels out wisdom like
millionaire distributing nickels He tells
In various succinot chapters: How to
court quiet, domestcated young lady; how
to make love TO a proud young lady, poet
ical or sentimental girl; how to spark
bashful girl; how to WOO an heiress; how
to make love to a literary young lady, re.
ligious young lady; how to win an actress
and how to court a widow If you run W
against any other kind of girls You have ia
take your chances or work your magma,
ton. Next time | meet one of these naughty
creatures who gives you pneumonia with
single glance / shall remember page 20 and
start in to capture her.
"The author says in regard to making
love to a proud young lady: Girls of thi,
description are sometimes exceedingly diff
cult to get hold of on account of the narrow
system of training they have been subject
ed to. Family pride has thrown barriers
around them. Begin the counting of such q
girl with the determination not to be dis
couraged or rebuffed, and whatever may
take place, determined perseverance will
usually crown your efforts with success
Look at the discreetness of the phrase, what.
ever may take place It's so much more
tactful than saying, If her father kicks you
out
"The author continues: In giving pres
ents let them be of as great value as posi-
bic; they will generally be favorably re
ceived. Before popping the question be
sure that she favors your suit. Approach
the matter in an indirect manner
"When he tells how to make love to
literary girl the author admits you arr
up against it, Also he reveals the hid.
eous depravity of the feminine heart, even
thirsting for fattery. He says: Tt lie not
every man who can do this, and he should
not attempt it unless he has decided taste
for literature and intellectual pursuits in
preference to domestic or home enjoy
ments
"'To the true literary lady the duties
of a wife, as relating to the management
Of a house, rearing a family, etc, are de
cidedly repugnant. She will expect you te
be acquainted with all the new books al
they appear, especially works of fiction and
poetry. Admire the production of her own
pen. Generally you cannot put too much
hattery on these matters. Authoresses are
usually exceedingly vain on matters Of
their own composition. If necessary you
may use your influence in getting her pro
auctions in print, and the best present you
can make her is to get printed in hand
some style a poem of her own compost
ton
cts when he tells how to court a senti.
mental girl that the author turns on the
calcium light and the orchestra tunes up
Doesn't this start your heart beatingl
Listen "A young man who sets his heart
on girl of this class must live much on
the ethereal. To be much absorbed in mum
dane matters will prove disastrous to all
your aspirations in this direction. You
must be thoroughly versed in the poetry Of
life, SO that in your initiatory addresses
to her You can give a romantic view to the
simplest point in hand Isn't that cold
proposition for fellow?
"Sit up nights and memorize poemsl I'vs
already learned the little poem he gives
later, when he says, reservedly: we will
now suppose the momentous time for the
all important question has arrived. Choose
some fine, calm summer evening, when
everything is soft and delicious You may
now come to the point by addressing her
in an imprisoned manner in such language
as this;
40, my sweetest Angelina!
BY the blue sky and it's browning stars
love you better-O, far better than
Woman was ever loved. There's not an
hour
or day or dreaming night but am with
thee.
There's not wind but whispers of thy
name,
And not flower that sleeps beneath the
But in it's hues and fragrance tells a
tale
OF thee, my love, to my fond, anxious
heart"
Mr.. Gibbon closed his eyes in rapture
after this excerpt. "I'm going to spring
that on Genevieve this evening"" he con.
fded. 81 think the consequences may be
interesting.
"And this author has simple super.
human wisdom. He has delved deep into
the mysteries of the feminine mind. He
says the greatest trouble is to get on ia
miliar terms with girls who are excessively
bsshful, but these bashful girls are usually
dear, precious creatures, so confding, in
nocent and sweet; no distrust, reserve OF
coquetry, and when married make the best
and dearest treasures that man can be
blest with His meaning is commendable il
his grammar is excited. Farther on he
makes bright sallies like this:
"The prinincipal difficulty to overcome
| In wooinp an heiresS Is IN remove the i'm.