Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-06-30
He Broke for the woods.

He Broke for the Woods.
unanimously adopted to the effect that
we ought to be removed from earth as
soon as possible. AS mayor of this
town we object to the cowboys running
it, and they naturally feel sore. When
ever the removal begins we shall be on
hand and take vivid interest in the
proceedings.
We spent two days and nights in Flor
ence last week on business, and we are
not the editor mentioned in the Chicago
papers as having felt an arc light to see
if it was hot We kept clear of all kinds
of electricity and went to bed by the light
of candle brought along for the purpose
The man who sticks to the tallow candle
can't be knocked out without due warn
ing.
It is said that road agent is working
the highway between Chrystal lake and
Twin hills and that his little way of hold
ing up the stage is as courtly and knightly
as anything ever written by Claude DuvaI
or Dick Turoin. This will doubtless be
placed to his credit when he comes TO be
hung or shot
As postmaster of this town we are al
ways willing to favor the public, but when
a man comes along with a wild goose in
bandbox and wants to forward the bird
clear to England for a 2-cent stamp, we
have to hold the postal rules even at the
risk of a row. We have hung out a sign,
NO Geese by Mail" and hope it will be
bcsded.
1t may not be the form in the east for
gentlemen to attend evening receptions in
their shirt sleeves and with leather belt
holding up their trousers but there is a
r1rr of abandon about 1t which adds to
he picturesque and keeps a Teller from
being bored. We trust that Gveadam
Gulch will make no changes in this d.
rection.
Some one told old Jim Scott, who lives
50 miles away in the hills, that we had a
cuckoo clock in the Kicker office, and he
girdcd up his ions the other day and came
sasicping into town on his mule to have a
shot at the bird When no learned that he
had been raisfnformed, his disappointment
Was SO great THAI we almost consented to
let him have shot at us. He plugged a
few telegraph poles before leaving town,
but went home greved to the core.
Mr.. A. B. Johnson, manager of the
stage line. refuses to renew our annual
pass. Well bet dollars to cents that when
we call on him next Monday he won't be
five minutes signing his name to the card.
In fact, he's either got to do It or get the
drop on us. and we know he's a mighty
slow hand onspni11ng gun.
We sometimes wonder If it pays to be
good fellow in this part of the United
States. We were counting up yesterday
md found that no fewer than y man
who owed us borrowed money had been
iynched or driven over the borders during
the last is months We must have been
porn for soft mark.
Of the 40 men who went out to Lone
Jack the other day for a wild man who
bad been reported in the wood one shot
his thumb OFF, second wounded himself
n the foot, and a third killed a jackass
rabbit which was tottering with old age.
The other 81 came homo and got drunk
and kept the town awake all night,
Applicants for the position Of city mar
shall are hereby informed that testimonials
as 70 their honesty. won't count for
shuckR What we want Is ! man who can
shoot both banded. can shoot like light
ming and can take up position behind 1
telegraph pole ana hold 1t against !