The Wilmington daily Republican., 1901-04-11
THE WOMEN.
by Prof. Ambrose S. Ottey.
We are fully aware that the women

lie lailCS nave rlnilb l u DedT
arms and they should always be fur
nished with good supply of powder
Nothing makes their nose itch so
much as Il diamond ring. They also
know that DISCONTINUED man IS like
Il snake that swallows an elephant.
''They talk about women's sphere
AS though it had Il limit:
There 'snot place in earth or heaven
There's not a tlsk to mankind
given.
There's not Il blessing or q woe,
There's not whispered yes or no.
There's not life. or death or birth,
That has feathers weight Of
worth
without woman in is it.
When she wants to be pretty she
bangs her hair and when Sh. wlntS
to he ugly she blngS the door. If
they were to take all away what
sort of a world would it be! What
would follow? Why the men of
course. There is one thing you can
put down inyour note book; say what
you will about the women, We never
knew a woman who could keep q Sc
crct so well as u man could tell It..
Some women's tongues are like race
horses. the lesser weight it carries,
the faster il runs: their tongues are
theirsword and they never suffer i! to
grow rusty. They also defend them
selves for the size Of their hustle by
saying they amt responsible for any
thing that goes on behind their
backs.
They should try and be pleasant,
cheerful: cultivate your smile: make
yours as pretty as though old court
ing DAYS were back again: listen to
your husbands with respect You
haHeno business, you know, tomarry
a man you cannot respect. Some =
times its the mems fault. Let me
tell you Il little secret: once having
loved you truly, a man will stay At
your feet forever unless you do some
thing to hurt his self-rcspect: but if
in pride or vanity or ill-temper, or
all Of them together, you push him
away only Just once with the toe of
your slipper, he never returns. No
man ever loves the same woman
twice, not even his own wife.
If a man is worth anything as a
husband, he wants a happy home:
ard a man can always turn his back
OH II home he Is tired OF while wO.
man has to stay and put up with il.
If your husband goes out often and
STAYS | tc, ;SN yulr elf whether you
tempt nim to remain at your side,
DO you make a bright sitting room
for him? or do you economically live
in Il basement, smelling Of mutton fat
and dimly lighted by one kerosene
lamp?
DO you tidy up, dress your hair.
pin on bright bow, and look as If
you expected somebody, at his conf
ing home hour? Or do you tic on a
soled apron over your mother hub
bard, stick your feet in his old slip
pers, wear long crimp pins in your
front hair and explain that as nobody
is likely to call you didn't think it
worth while to "tix up?" If so, do
you wonder that he stays out the
next night.
Bear in mind some men never set
a river atire yet they make pretty
good husbands afterall. The average
wife does not care so much for u
hus band who would set the river fire
as she does for one who will start
the fire regular every morning in the
kitchen stove. This would make a
wife love a man more. Adam had
one thing in his favor. Eve couldn't
ask him whether he had ever loved
any other woman before he met her.
A woman can do what a man can,
not do: she can throw stone with a
curve that would be Il fortune to 4
base ball pitcher.
She can do more in a minute than
a man can do in an hour and do it
bett0r.
She can safely stick fifty pins in
her dress while he is putting one I'M
der his thumb nail.
She can come to conclusion with
out the slightest trouble of reasoning
on 1t and no man can do that.
She can say "no' in such low
voice that it means Eyes
Six of them can talk at once and
get along first rate and no two men
can do that.
She is as cool as a cucumber in n
half dozen tight dresses and skirts,
while a man will sweat and fume and
Growl in one loose shirt.
She can appreciate a kiss from her
husband scventy-ivc years after the
ceremony is performed.
She can walk half of thcnight with
a coicky baby IN her arms without
once expressing the desire of MUIR
dering the infant. A man can't do
that.
She can talk as sweet as peaches
to the woman she hates while two
men would be pounding each others
head before they had exchanged ten
words.
She can drive 4 man crazy in
twenty hours and then bring him
to paradise in two seconds by simply
tickling him under the chin and
there does not live that mortal S on Of
Adams misery who can do that.
She can marry man to "reform
him" and though clothed in rags de-
clare she is happy with the brute. +
She may not be able to jump q
four rail fence but she jumps to con-
clusiQns and nine times out of ten
she gets there while man is reas on
ing it all out.
She can quicken mans mental
faculties by giving him a piece of
of her mind. She doesn't seem TO
feel the loss either.
She Is also called a Conundrum;