The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1901-01-01
DO BIG Kings. II.
FOR RICHMOND
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{ccasiaueds from First Fage.l
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dinner In another hall Il second by some
St1a.go system, never before seen mere,
lIc changed his c.otiies ii aoout second
by ia automat;c arrangement Wien
presses the trousers. poiisles The saoss.
and ICES the ascot While the! are oeins;
pu, oa Then III few out into tae lo5by.
utter dis.,atching his luggage to h-s ar
ship tareugh the skS3ignt ny a strange
somhirla Zen iseht. and Sound power &c
Gently invented
INTERESTING TALK.
King Twentieth Century talked most
Interestingly while lierr. and started IN
his :lirsh.p Tor Caicaso jus; one second
before O'Clock this morning. SO as to
arrive in the Nipdy City exactly at md
night, central time
las just this way sad he, speaking
without opening his Iaogth o. as.ns
his tongue. and making his gestures
with n new gesdcLiator built of
rubber with i double spr.nS attach
1nent The people OF Chicago expect ne
at midnight, and have prepared = big
ovation for me. ! wouldn't disappoiat
them for anything in reason. and want
to ten en- ont there what I'm going 10
do for them just as IN going to tel. Inc
Times through It's representative what
I'm going TO do for dear old Richmond
before my successor, His Royal HighneSs.
Ein,, Twenty-firSt Century, ascends the
throne. Richmond is q very merry
town as my good. genial old Eterar!
friend. Thackeray, would say. and want
to do the square thing by you. You
Richmond people are considered a little
slow. and You bank Il good deal or the
BOYS who wore the gray and oar HstT!gtG
friend Colonel Patrick Henry. and those
ladies who work overtime trying 30 trace
their ancestry back 10 that original old
Colonial Dame whc used to Dip SHUT
smoke, a pipe and do things like that. But
this is an age of progress. and IA going
to put you on TO q thing or two that VIII
run your factories by hot air, latci:
chickens by condensed light, and Other
things equally as up-to-date.
EXCITING TRIP
but first let me tell yen 3bo"t ny trip
from the East continued Ills @!aieS,y,
taking a high bail by I strange sounding
process and lighting q cigar ~ touching
a button on his overcoat. u left Pckin
fifteen hours or more ago. The trip 20
Richmond would have been made much
quicker but considerable time vas wasted
in responding TO ovatio..s along the route,
and ] wanted 10 get here exactly on
schedule time. anyhow. In China ar
ranged TO have ali the Cniestfals cut OF
their pig tails. pave their streets. dress
like respectable citizens, tear down their
walls around the city. establish railroads.
steamboat lines. hourly mail delivs-E. =
new long distance telephone line. through:
which you can talk all over the Empire.
by having Il crank turned by the use o.
air pressure: establish a Democratic form
of government, speak English. abandon
The complicated laundry check system.
open their ports. ana do business with
Uncle Sam on purely business principles.
] also arranged to float a few American
bonds over there run up some Stars and
Stripes. and establish coaling stations and
a navy-yard or two in the Empire / gave
them some ideas that opened their angG-
lar optics. and YOU viii see China look
like New York by the time my admins
tration is well under way. The Com
mander-iu-Chief OF the American forces
thanked Inc warmly for my suggestions
and tried to get me full on gin fixes, but
] got away with no more serious loss
than one OF my small trunks, which ]
shall get on my return after my tour OF
the West
Il had quite pleasant interview with
the Sultan, Said I2asha Something or
Other. and reminded him of that little
.bill which he said he would pay as soon
as all the Easter hornets were settled
for The Sultan Of Morocco also admitteF
automatically that the battleship Ken
lucky was rather formidable looking
object, and Re would look into The justice
of that little claim of ours as soon as he
got out his New Year reports TO his sub
jects
Talk about ovations. though: You
should have seen me in Paris Those
tickle Frenchmen wanted to take me to
grand opera, set EN- up TO absinthe. and
tender me bal pordre in Rue de la-de
la-er-weli. some street or other. I've
forgot 1Nn l,,1r ] foil sl,,,Cj
ness before pleasure. Monsieurs. and
caught my air-siip across the channel to
London
TELLS ABOUT JOHN BULL
All. dear old London, where the chap
pics know exactly the correct poise of
the monoclc, and ride UP and down in the
saddle. Its a great burg, that same fog
ES- old buStlnS London. You can't put
bug in their ears about the capcrs of
His Royal 1iishnesS. Wales. even if Par
lament does have To pay his baccarat
debts now and then by special appropria-
ton. and since Males fired Tod Sloan and
broke another link between our close in
tcrnational relations, they like him in
London as we'll as ever. Ey the way,
they say His Royal IIighness is going to
come out to-day in a new coat built on
NY suggestions 1t is all in one piece,
docs away with the necessity for but
tons and is donncd and DOTTED by an an
tomato spring. II WI be the correct
thing in London. dontchernaw.
But I'm u little Oft. Back to the
people of London. Some sour old crokers
over there are worried about the Beers
and China. and all that sort of thing.
But j told EN- not to get blue for I'd
see TO IT that the Bloody Englishmau
would have the whole Of Africa before
they got through with it. and when Eng
land and America get together, as they
are bound To do in the natural course of
events. We'll get some of those diamond
mines as u rake off. They've been talk
ing about the retrogrcssion of Great
Britain ever since my predecessor died,
hut the British are more in the game to-
day than ever before, and You can bet all