davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
Once Quite Enough.

Hartford Democrat: The young man
had borrowed f5 from the rich old man,
promising to bring 1t back one week from
date. The millionaire let him have it,
and at the time the borrower brought it
back.
Nov, Mr.. Bullion" said the young
man., I've been square with you in this
matter, and l want to borrow ESQ for a
The Old man shook his head
Sorry" said he, but L can't let you
have IT.
Why not?" and the young man was
greatly astonished.
Because you have disappointed me,
and. don't want to be disappointed
The borrower was moro surprised than
ever
What do YOU mean by being disap-
This explained the money man. II
let you have that :G5, never expecting to
get 1t back again, and l did. Now, if /
let you have $50 ! should expect to get
II again, and ] never would. No sir" he
added conclusively, zone disappointment
is enough. Goodday.' and that ended it.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
JUST HANDED HIM rnE SWORD.
Why IN deliberately Planned Presentation
Didn't Como on.

New York Tribune: Richard Alexander
of Montreal, in speaking OF the part
taken by the Canadian troops in the Boer
war, tells an amusing story. Zone of the
lieutenants in Strathconas Horse' said
Mr. Alexander, was great friend OF
mine named Jack Leclky. Strathconas
. Horse, as you know, made u great record
for themselves. Lecky got ID. S. o.
distinguished service order) and he Il
was who was selected to receive the coll
ors presented by King Edward VII. When
Strathcona's Horse was about to depart
the Canadian Institute Of Mining Engin-
GERS, of which Lecky was distinguished
member, determined to present him with
n sword. The idea met with instantane-
GUS and enthusiastic approval and the
sword purchased was very handsome
one. 1t was determined to make the pre-.
sentation of 1t an event But the best
laid plans gang aft agiey,' and so 1t was
on this occasion On the evening select
ed for the ceremony the committee
! formed themselves together properly, be-
frock-coated and all ready to hand over
the sword q full hour before the time set
for that event
Time hung heavily on their hands and
in fatal moment the rash suggestion
was made that taking a drink would DO
an agreeable way to pass the time. In
deed SO successful did the idea prove to
be as time killer that Lccky, the sword
and the reason why they were together
passed out of the united mind of the COM
mittee.
Mine came and went and Lecky wait.
ed. Finally, the sword not coming to
him, he went to the sword-that is, he
started to go to the sword, but got no
farther than Joining the party, when
straightway that strange forgetfulness of
the why and wherefore of their being to-
gether on that particular occasion over
came him also, and he gave no further
thought to the sword. b. T. A. Bell h:
been chosen to present the weapon
Lecky, and during the festivities whe
he went the weapon went too. The ever
ing waxcd and waned and the party brok
up into groups. A friendly scuffle ensued.
in which Bells frocll coat was split up
the back. He said afterwards that TO
save the sword he had lost his coat He
couldn't use his hands because of guard
ing the sword, and that was why his
Bell concluded that the proper time h
ton, and he proceeded to do it in sty
Waving the sword over his head
danced w to the group.
/" Is Jack Lecky here?' he demanded
"'He is responded the owner of the
name.
'Tten Jack, said Bell cheerfully, as
lie ha.ded over the cause OF all the trou-
lie, take your COMPOUNDED old sword, for
I'm tired of carrying it round
after SO formal and ceremonious o
christening Lecky could do naught but
put 1t to the good use he did in South
> frica"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
A SOLDER s FEET 8 INCHES.
President L,ncoln's Kind Greeting to
Tall Pcnnsylyania Volunteer.

-
Tall Pennsylvania Volunteer.
Philadelphia Times: Mah!on Shaaber.
OF Reading, Pa, is the tallest veteran
Of the civil war in that part of the state.
Der has war record that is much more
interesting than his extraordinary
physique.
At the opening of the rebellion Mahlon
h hs,r 1861; he enlisted in Company ID,
Nlnety-third Pennsylvania volunteers.
on nce ay ,s Of wounds received in The
discharged from the service on May 81,
1862. AS soon as he recovered from the
effects OF the wounds young Shaabcl
again entered the union army, first as a
vania volunteers, and subsequently with
the One Hundred and Ninety-sixth reei-
ment. Pennsylvania volunteers. This
,ss TS,f., was ., composed Of members of
and Shaaber rose to the rank of first
lieutenant.
OF all the incidents In his long and hon
presses Veteran shaaber is his meeting
with President Lincoln during the war.
The meeting took place us Shaabcr's reg
i lrn Vas about changing camp from
guished party of men. In the party were
Lincoln. Cameron. Hamlin and Curtin.
When the soldiers were drawn up for in
sPsSt1o! i-IeNdenl l1lncOln noticed the
unusual height of Shaaber and called
him from the ranks.
My good man. said President Lin
coin, what is your name?"
'Mahlon Shaaber." was the reply.
well. want to say that | summoned
you from the ranks to say that we tall
men are always a little jealous when we
find man taller than ourselves, but |
guess; in point Of height; you deserve the
medal of the. command. hope your
great height is not an Inconvenience to
you In serving your country" concluded
President Lincoln
Soldier shaaber thanked the president
for the attention paid to him and as
surcd Mr.. Lincoln that he was in fit
condition to fight to the DEATH Cam-
the soldierly appearance of young Shaa-
Der and each said n kind word to him.
AZ an encampment at Gettysburg since
the war Mr.. Shaaber received a medal
for being the tallest man in the en-
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
Jag Cure and More Jaes.

On her return to America Miss Bev-
eridge denied the possibility of any ro-
nance in which he could play her hero.
Just &afore or just after Miss Bever-
tdge's reign young Elaine was taking
the gold cure at White Plains. From
there he emerged SO subdued that when
he announced his intention of going to
the wars it actually occurred 10 some
members of the always considerate
press to announce that "in the rattle
and roar of combat he hoped to drown
the memories of the woman who had
refused to become the second Mrs.
Blaine, jr.
But before he had reached the battle
front he had drowned these memories
in rattle and roar of another sort.
Unfortunately there is no through
route to the Philippines. General
Wesley Merritt's staff, of which Blaine
was assistant adjutant general. by
| courtesy of the war Office and in mem
DRY of distinguished father, stopped
Off at several points. Captain Blaine
managed somehow to bridge them over
and remain inconspicuous until he
reached San Francisco. There the glor-
ious ali. of the Golden state got into his
VEINS He dropped the dignity of
shoulder straps and became Jimmie
Blaine, jr the family black sheep.
He forced the consciousness of his
existence upon the citizens of a peace
ful state by rowing in restaurant, by
threatening duel, by annoying a pref
ty actress and by other trays of Jim
ME Blaine nature. The restaurant af-
fair was the talk of the town. 1t had
begun in wordy warfare between
Captain Blaine and Mr.. Sumner R.
Hollander over some money. Both the
young men threatened a duel. BY the
light of day the combatants decided
4 1,o
1t. Honolulu was the next stonninp
point. Jimmie Blaine stepped ashore
with the rest Of the gold-laced officers
straight into the arms of society.
Native feasts and native dances were
planned for the entertainment Of the
American soldier. At one OF these the
captain ceased to distinguish between
Hula girls and the rnatrons of society.
5e Srasped one Of the latter, In spite Of
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

the dignity Of his gold lace, and epau-
lets. passionately to his row Of gold
buttens. The lady was Lulu Aona, and
Mr.. Aona happened to be witness &C
the scene. Straightway he enacted an
other. When Captain Blaine arose
from 1t he found himself some distance
off as stiff and sore as though some one
had been playing football with him.
But these episodes are all in the past
recent past. it is true, but still past.
Since then Jimmie" Blaine has been
filing space on New York newspaper.
speculating on change and falling in
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

The bush fires of Australia. one OF
early settlers, have apparently lost
none of their horror. A correspondent
states that recently n great part OF
four states was a mass of flame and
smoke, rising from leagues of flaming
forest and burning grass. Thousands
Of miles of fencing. hundreds of farms
and orchards. disappeared in this fiery
furnace Huge 1ocks of sheep. mobs
nf cattle. tens of thousands of kanga-
roos wallabies, opossums, parrots and
tories We're burned alive. Tales of ter
rible races for life In coaches carts
and even by mounted men filled the
papcrS.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
VIVA. NJ. Didn't Forget.

Yes
That Mrs. Ripley was here today, ana
guess what she said about you'
ooh. can't" the old gentleman replied,
Beginning to get interested. What was
it?''
''she told ma she thought you were
your age so wel.''
''shc did, eh?'' he replied, pushing out
his chest and pretending that it didn't
make any particular difference to hin
what abe had said.
But" the sweet child continued, ina
told her she ought to see YOU in the MORN
ing before you put in your false teeth
and got the side hair slicked up over
your Aald spot"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
SpOonl,oltlcrs.
Phila delphia Press: Here's

Philadelphia Press: Here's a girl
remarked the query editor. "who
writes to know what is the popular
spoonho1der this season.. ."
Evidently" replied the snake edit
or she's never had any beaux."
'Why?"
Because if she had she'd know that
the most popular one is the parlor
s<ra
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

The poet looked at the editor bit
obviously: Il have here. sir. a book of
my lately published poems, of which
would like a notice in your paper
And If you don't mind would like you
to say that / am a finished poet. :"
Finished poet. eh?" said the editor
without glancing up. IF you are real
~ going to kill yourself see the police
reporter. 1t is his week to write up
suicides
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

A fair idea of southern progress in
business is afforded by the fact that In
the last six months 127 banks have
been organized and commenced bust
ness In the southern states. Texas
neads the list with thirty-four national
banks and five state banks. Virginia
ard Georeia come next With twelve
banks each
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

Uncle Sans most monumental pub.
lication has now been practically COM
pleted. 1T is tie official record of the
Union and Confederate armies. and
consists of 1921 thick volumes, an index
about to be printed and an atlas OF
lis plates. showing maps of battle
fields, routes of marches. plans of forts
etc The books ill five big mail sacks.
The government sells single volumes
ar the complete sets at cost. Under
the latest act of distribution each SEN
ator, representative and delegate will
receive one official set ans two addi-
tional sets for disposal as he may see
tit.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

Since Andrew Carnegie, Warner
Leeds. Henry Phillips and other steel
and iron manufacturers have purchased
property Oh Upper Fifth avenue, New
York, that thoroughfare has been IA
:euously dubbed Steel Trust Alley"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

Owing to the existence of scarlet
fever epidemic In keene, n. H., the To-
cal bank now sterilzes all the money
which passes through its hands. The
totes and coins are placed in galvan-
zed iron oven. lined with asbestos and
heated by means of Bunsen burner.
A thermometer is provided to show
the interior temperature at all times
The oven is heated to 300 degrees when
l use.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
For tho Occasion.

Philadelphia Times: Please LOOK
pleasant" remarked the photographer.
Snap went the camera.
And now ma am he continued,
you may resume your natural express
sion"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
His Present. Desired.

Philadelphia Press: Mr.. De Trop lat
the door)-Is Miss Mabel at home?
Maid-No. sir; but she says If that
a box of candy she saw in your hand
we might lave it.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
An Enl,arras.rnsnt.

Judy: But before you introduce me-
Did chap which Is the mother and which
is the daughter"
The little fair girl is Fullick's second
wife and the elderly woman to the right
S his daughter
10 the woman"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

Archbishop Ireland is said to know
his Bible so we'll that even in the hurry
If rapid speech he can put his finger
Upon any passage he requires. lust as
the pianist's finger can find the needed
Key.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

AT Il meeting of the Astronomical so
ciety of France the we'll known astron-
omcr, NJ. Flammarion. said that by
calming the human passions the study
of astronomy seemed to have very
beneficial influence. AT any rate. the
French Astronomical society, COM
posed of about $500 members, pos
sessed one member of 1n5 years of age.
a dozen over 80 and u very large num-
Der who had already seen their S0th
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
Tho Game That I. worth the candle.

Tho Game That Il worth the Candle.
There was never rose without thorn,
Never cake that we ate and had,
The COW had ever a crumpled horn
To toss the maiden all fororn
Until she was yet more sad.
The apples over the farmers wall
Were probably grated from Eden's tree
But when we had eaten them after all,
TreSpasshg somewhere about nghtfall,
They commonly failed to agree.
And love. my Phyllida. love the rose,
Love, the apple that tempted Eve?-
Because of the thorn that about 1t grows,
Because of the grcenness that nothing
shows,
Apple and rose shall We leave
No, my Phyllida. come what may.
Bleeding fingers broken hearts:
Live and love for our little day,
Tear off armor and cast away
Shields against Cupid's darts.
-NNeSt minister Gazette.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

runs between New York and st
Louis arrived in this city or
time and While 1t was standing in the
sheds at the Union station an express
man who is a bit superstitious re-
marked to a friend:
II am glad l am not going out on y
today"
And Why" inquired the friend.
Well" just as she pulled in At the
east end black cat ran across the
tracks in front of the engine. No one
ever saw that cat around here before
1t means something. That cat would
not be here for nothing and the train
Is in danger
The friend laughed and climbed on
his engine. The train left few min
utes late and was running late when I,
left Terre Haute. shortly after the
train had crossed the Illinois state line
the dispatcher rushed into the office OF
the superintendent.
MIR. -----," he exclaimed. mo.
LOST said the astonished superin-
tendent
Yes sir i cannot get trace of her
anywhere. She passed Casey all right.
but no one else can tell me anything
about her."
For the next few minutes the super
luleUQGul WIS Il very DuSy man. cool
md collected as his position required
him to be. he was greatly alarmed. for
the road was full of trains running In
nll directions, and here was one loaded
with people. that was in trouble some
where. The news got to Indianapolis,
and the expreSsman heard 1t.
Just what l said" he declared Il
knew that something would happen.
It's all on account of the black cat
Trains We're held at points along the
road and general warning was sent
out. The wrecking crew was ready to
go out when the instrument in the SUI
perlntendent's office clicked the glad
,tidings that the train ha>l been found.
1t had broken down eight miles from a
telegraph office and brakeman had to
get to the station on horseback before
he could send the word.
II believe that half hour put thou
sand gray hairs on my head" said the
superintendent.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

In thu course of suit brought by
Carl Leden. formerly waiter at Shcr-
rvs, New York. against the proprietor
of that establishment, the plaintirl
averred that he never made less than
10 n night in tips and that his weekly
earnings sometimes amounted to sl0O.
While pursuing his vocation one night
Leden stuck his head in the dumb
waiter shaft to give an order and the
dumb waiter fell on his head. Deaf
ness ensued, and being unable 10 UNI
derstand the orders given 10 him the
walter is no longer able to get en-
ployment. He wants $1,000 damages.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

The french are credited With having
the most efficient artillery in Europe
using shrapne! weighing about eight
kilos Q7.64 pounds). with a velocity OF
LOO feet and over thirty rounds a
minute. using fixed ammunition. The
gunner sits on the carriage during iir-
Ing, which tends to steady tho piece.
The German mounting Is similar to
that OF the French. The Austrians
have in use a field howitzer using a
9o0-pound shell. with a heavy bursting
charge of nigh explosive. 1t can be
got into position and made ready for
firing in twenty minutes
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
Tho surest Method.

Detroit Free Press: do you believe in
rush' or pull as elements of success 3"
Neither"
What them"
dig"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
The Real Question.

Indianapolis Press: 'I'd like to know
what / man thinks of the girl he kisses
I'D rather know what a man of that
kind thinks of himself"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
The Brazilian cruiser Bentam,n ~,

The Brazilian cruiser Benjamin Con-
slant is to call at New York ane Bal
timort shortly to return the courtesy
of this government I'm ordering the bat.
tleships oregon and Iowa to put in at
Rio de Saneiro to represent the United
States on the occasion Of the inaugura-
ton Of President Campo Sales. No.
vember 10. 1898. The officers or the
Brazilian vessel will visit Washington
70 pay feeir respects to the officials.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09
Trains That Were Lost.

ST, Louis Republic; One of the
finest trains the Pennsyivania road
runs between New York and st.
Louis arrived in this city on
time and while ii was standing in the
sheds at the Union station an express
man who is a bit superstttious re-
1narka ed to "a friend:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

July II (afternoon). The Chinese re-
Piled, reviewing the situation and
ascribing the present hostilities to the
ton guards. They noted with satisfac-
ton that cessation of firing is agreed
to on both sides, but suggest that as
foreign soldiers here have been firing
Men they should be removed from that
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

Sure enough. lie had hardly left tbe
tui!ding until there came news Of .
'rrible accident. The lost train ana
The st, Louis express met on a curve.
! "veral people We're Killed, and thou
lands of dollars worth of property was
1 .Str0yed, $3.50
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-05-09

July II (morning). Sir Claude re-
piled to the effect that the foreign
troops had all along acted entirely in
self-defense and would continue to do
so. But the Chinese must understand
that previous events had led to want
of confidence and that II barricades
We're erected or troops moved in the
vicinity of the legations the foreign
guards would be obliged to fire on
The times., 1901-04-25
rho NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.

Lester WaIlack's romantic drama Rose
dale" will be revived next week by the
Lafayette Square stock company. which,
with several changes in membership, will
enter upon its twenty eighth week. The
production will be made under the stage
direction of Mir. William Seymour. This
production Will offer for the first time a
leading role TO John T. Sullivan who has
been compelled to play villains all winter,
much to the disappointment of his admir-
ers. Mr. Sullivan becomes leading man
for three weeks, commencing Monday
night At the expiration of that time he
will leave for Denver to fulfill summer
contracts. In ''Rosedale" ne will have the
leading role of Elliott Grey. Miss Percy
HasweII viii have d sympathetic role in
Rosa Lee.
The play is said to abound in excellent
character sketches and comedy situations,
while at the same time the main theme.
the theft of the child by the gypsies and
the recovery through the efforts of Elliott
Grey. is one of absorbing human interest.
In the east there will be, besides Miss
Haswell and Mr. Sullivan. Robert Rogers,
Frederick Sullivan William III. COnley,
Louise Mackintoch, and Effie Darling
New members VINO will join the company
will be J. ID. Coleman. Myron Leffingweli,
Horace Newman, Violet kimbali, Wright
Kramer, and Henrietta Newman
The times., 1901-04-25
WAR DEPARTMENT CLERKS.
A Complete Reorganization of the
Force Contemplated.

The Secretary of War will, within a
few days, reach a decision as TO the pro-
posed reorganization of the clerical force
I of the War Department. This reorganiza-
tion viii include considerable reduction
i'll the number of clerks on the temporary
rolls of the department. At the begin
ming of the war with Spain provision was
made by Congress for the employment Of
a number of clerks as a temporary force.
not to be included within the provision Of
the civil service. This force has been con-
tnued by Congress, and at the last ses-
sion an appropriation of $780, 900 was made
to continue 1t during the next fiscal year.
The War Department officials have
thoroughly investigated the subject of
transferring this force to the permanent
rolls of the department, thereby bringing
il under the protection of the civil serv-
fee. An examination of the various acts
of Congress, however. indicates that this
cannot be done by the officials in con-
formity with the law The temporary
force will therefore be continued, but will
be greatly reduced. A slight reduction
has already been made from 652 clerks
several months ago to GA at the present
time.
new system of rating the clerks ac-
cording to their efficiency records is also
TO be adopted. and some provision will
also be made to minimize the evil effects
OF having upon the rolls large number
of clerks who have become aged in the
service. and whose efficiency has de-
creased. 1t is not the intention of the of
hcials to discharge these clerks. and
their retention in the service, but at a
reduced salary.