davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
A Man With a Thirst.

T got a case. your Honor" said an officer.
 Where did you get it?" asked the judge.
 Back of the Charcoal Saloon"
 '1s it a bad one?' inquired the judge 'Yes, sir. It's Bill Doolittle charged with stealing"
 'I imagine a man named Doolittle would only steal time.' said the judge.
 "No, sir said the officer. "Procrasti- nation is the thief of time.''
 You are right" said the judge with a sigh. Don't let us procrastinate; so tell what he did.'
 T arrested him, your Honor, at the in stance of William Brizine, who told me the defendant stole g from him"
 Let William take the stand and tell about it, said the judge.
 ''rhe fact is, judge said William, "I was drunk and don't know whether he took it or not My wife told me had S17 when left home and only had s10 when I got back, and as I was with the de- fendant all the time I thought he took
The age-herald., 1901-03-17

judge reassuringly, (which I turn into days of disgrace for these criminals You often sing a very good note"
 "A note has three days of grace at common law said the clerk.
 ''The law in this court is not common" said the judge, and your graceful notes are often discounted into thirty and sixty days of disgrace in jail. Make a note of that in your docket and let's proceed. What did Boatwright do?' asked the judge of an officer
 He was drunk and disorderly, your Honor,' said the officer. He said he was a high roller because he had wheels in his head''
 q suppose he was wheelwright,' said the judge.
 'IIe was drunk all right, judge" said the officer. 'I didn't see any wheels turning, although he said he belonged to the Turn Verein. I didn't hear them either, but he said he hadn't drunk any thing but little caster oil, which had gone to his head. I supposed this greased them so they didn't squeak"
 What right have you to carry wheels in your head?" inquired the judge of the defendant. Don't you know that there is no use for wheels in the human ma chinery?'
 I'm matchmaker, your Honor," said the defendant. Everything seemed to be going around. My hands were going round and I supposed there must have been wheels in my head to turn them. The brain is the motive power, you know, judge"
 What power is your brain?' inquired the judge. About three butterfly pow er?'
 Judge" said the defendant, T have not even the power of thought this morn ing. I think if my brains were reduced to a liquid state they would not have strength enough to urn down hill''
 You seem to have tried to make this liquid state from the amount of liquor you drank said the judge Don't you know liquor goes to the head? What else can man do with head full of li- quor but go down hill? He becomes a human hog"
 "He had hogshead. judge" said the officer. T mean he drank about this much beer.'
 "I will fine you s, James," said the judge. Truth. you know, lies at the bottom of we'll If the well was full of beer I have no doubt you would be- come a truthful James,"
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
AN ATHENS GIRL.
Birthday Party Given By Miss Matte
 Vance To Schoolmates.

Athens, March 16.-(Special)-A1iss Mat tie Vance of Birmingham niece of Capt and Mrs. Will Weir, and one of the pret- tiest and most popular young women of the Athens Female College, celebrated her seventeenth anniversary on Wednes- day by entertaining in most delightful manner a party of college friends.
 Miss Vance is lovable young woman and has won many friends in Athens She has the mack of making every one feel perfectly at ease around her.
 Just as the release bell rang the party filed in room No. 5, dressed "a la Jen- nesse Miller" The shaded lights cast a sunset glow over the room which was crowded with many snowwhite tables, loaded with dainties of all kinds. In the center of the room. resting very peace fully on small table, was huge birth day cake, surrounded by burning can dles of all colors. But this was soon to be disturbed, for as each guest blew out candle, wishes were made for the hostess future happiness and slice of the cake taken On one of the tables was a large bowl of chocolate candy so dear to all school girls The guests were then seated at the tables where they were to enjoy the many dainties spread before them. With pantomimes the nights enjoyment ended
 As the light bell rang all the guests departed and on looking back found that everything else had departed as well.
 Miss Latham. one of the most influen- tial young ladies in the school, was Mis- tress of Ceremonies.
 Those who participated in the even ing's enjoyment were: Mrs. Davis, Pearl Bayne, Johnie Douglass, Minnie Davis, Rava Davis, Myrtle Elliot, Emma Evans, Ida French, Bessie Gentle, Fannie Lou Henderson, Elizabeth Latham, Hattie Latham, Maggie Manning, Gertrude Rob- erts, Jessie Roberts, Dora Sullivan, Hal lie Ware Mollie Whitaker, Emma Whit aker
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
seelna the Wheels eo Round.

seeing the Wheels Go 'Rouno'
 Anybody want to plead guilty this morning?' asked Judge Feagin in the Po- lice Court yesterday.
 Here's one man, judge" said the sher- if. His name is James Henry Jeffer- son, alias Boatwright."
 Whats his number, Mir. Clerk?' asked the judge. turning over the leaves of the docket which is the best social directory in town of bad society.
 His number is 6Si6 said the clerk in a whisper.
 An unlucky number" said the judge Not an odd number in it. You seem to be little hoarse this morning contin- ued the judge addressing the clerk, "or do you imagine this court is whispering gallery?"
 Its more of a rogue's gallery" said the clerk, though they often whisper airy nothings to your Honor If they are allowed to whisper I ought to be, espe- cially as I am hoarse."
 Airy nothings, MT Clerk" said the judge, 'are never whispered in this court room, for the simple reason there is no air here to whisper in. The criminals and that stove consume 1t all. You ought to try Mrs. winslow's Soothing Syrup for that cold. I will waive the fact however, that you have no voice in court"
 That's cold wave. your Honor" said the clerk T never do have much voice in this court I sing a poor second at best"
 You sing many seconds" said the
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
Sv{e's SvttV\c 9raOedNes <
yESsSSsSs2sSsgsSsGsS2s4 EESssssSszsg
BY FRANK HARVEY MILLER

 said the defendant. De truf is dat 1se innercent."
 What did Bunk stcalg' asked the judge.
 He stole a dollar, judge" said the prosecutor. T was driving home yester- day at 2:40-'
 "2;4O is rather a fast pace on the streets" said the judge. You must have good horse
 "No, sir. I have q good watch. It was 2:40 by the watch. I was not going at 2:4O pace"
 Very good" said the judge, "you mustn't drive at 2:4O pace, but you can testify at that rate. Proceed"
 "Yes, sir. At 2:4O I missed my dollar and I suspected the defendant. He had been working for me for three years and things had been missing all that time So had Bunk arrested and the dollar was foundson him. I knew it was my dol lar, for I had read the superscriptfon on it so often it was quite dog-eared and shop-worn The dollar was found in Bunk's sock"
 "Jedge,'' said the defendant, "Fd like not ter hab CT trial dis morning don't feel very we'll"
 T should imagine not" said the judge. Things look blue enough for you to make you feel blue. You might try the blue glass treatment, for as a criminal you are as green as blue grass"
 An officer then took the stand and said he had arrested Bunk, who denied having any money. That he searched him, but couldn't find any and he made him take off his clothes. That he slapped the sole of his foot and felt the dollar through his sock.
 AS a witness you seem to be a sock dolager," remarked the judge. Come down and let Bunk explain how the dol lar got in his sock"
 "Jedge," said Bunk, "I allus carries my money in my sock. I goess swid de boys an dey allus takes tings frum each ud- der, an jedge. I'm under age, an I'd like ter hab ernudder trial" . T overTule your plea of minority" said the judge. "The minority seldom get what they want and you are not an ex- ception to the rule. It has taken twenty five minutes to try this case and I will fine you dollar minute, or $25 Time is money. you know"
The age-herald., 1901-03-17

it. I may have spent it, however, as we met my long lost brother Johnnie and had to take a few drinks with him."
 Does your wife have to tell you how much money you have?" asked the judge.
 "Yes sir. When I'm drunk"
 Were you drunk when you left homef'
 "Yes, sir"
 Drunk when you got back?'
 "Yes, sir
 He's always drunk, your Honor" said the defendant. "He stays drunk two or three weeks and then sobers up so he can get drunk again.
 Where do you work?" asked the judge of the prosecutor.
 He don't work, your Honor said the defendant. "IIe don't have time. He drinks"
 Another witness then took the stand and said he saw the prosecutor and de- fendant standing on the corner with their arms around each other, and the defend- ant had one hand In the prosecutors pocket"
 'I think I will have to put my hand in his pocket" said the judge, and fine him for being drunk. Did they wobble much?" he inquired of the witness.
 No, sir. They looked like they were posing for their photographs as Damon and Pythias.'
 "They were both drunk your Honor" said the officer. They had a regular Birmingham jag and were cussing 15 by 15."
 What do you mean by 15 by 15?" in quired the judge.
 "The cussed for fifteen minutes and could be heard fifteen blocks" The defendant said he didn't take any money He was only trying to hold the prosecutors pocketbook in his pocket to prevent him throwing it away.
 ''I don't think you are guilty of steal ing" said the judge. but you are both guilty of diorderly conduct. If the pros ccutor is anxious to throw away money he can throw s5 at the clerk. The de- fendant can also make the same donation. Incidentally I will say that silver dollars are taken in this court at their face val ue. Their face is really their fortune, as they are not worth their face value."
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
WESTERN PHOTOGRAPHERS
 PUZZLED OVER A WHEEL

Photographers in the West, both pro- fessional and amateur are engaged in a wordy controversy as to whether or not one part of a wheel moves faster than another-and a large number of photo graphs are exhibited to prove it-that. when the wheel of a rapidly moving wagon is photographed. the top of the wheel never appears as clear as the bot tom. The same is true of a wheel rolled along the ground in front of the camera.
 In many cases the developed picture does not show any spokes above the cen
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
ANNICTON SOCIETY
 IS PLAYING GOLF
Membership in the Club Grows RapidIy-A Building Boom
 Also Strikes the City

Anniston, March 16.-(special)-Golf is fast gaining strong foothold here among the society people.
 The Highland Golf Club will at once erect on the links of the organization an attractive club house.
 The membership in the club is growing fast and the sport is fast becoming ex- ceedingly popular.
 The Oxford Lake Electric Car Com pany expect. to extend a branch line to Tyler Hill in the near future.
 At present there seems to be an era Of building in Anniston. Local contractors have their hands full. Several handsome residences have just been completed and several more will be erected at an early date. Mir. C. J. Houser will build a hand some home on the corner of Ninth street and Quintard avenue.
 The new rolling mill, owned by the An niston Rolling Mill Company will begin the operation of their muck mill on the 18th. The entire plant will soon be in full operation. The industry will make sxteen-pound rails. the first ever to be manufactured in this city. The officers of this company are T. J. and E. F. Row ley and William Davies, who come from Birmingham. They are experienced men in the rolling mill business and are now personally experimenting the prepara- tions now being made for the start up.
 Gen. "Tige" Anderson, aged 76, is very ill at his home on Wilmer street. He wa; brave Confederate soldier and Is widely known. Recently he was presented with badge of honor by tho Georgia Daugh- ters of the Confederacy. He is not ex- pected to live, though he may finger for several days yet.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
Chinese Numbered 5000.

Berlin, March 16-A dispatch from Pe- kin, under date of March 15, received at the war office, says the strength of the Chinese forces in the battle of Ansulin Pass. March 8, was so0O. The Chinese fled in the direction of Wu Tai, twenty five kilometers west of the great wall In Ma Chang, on the Imperial canal, the Fritsche column found great military stores and quantities of fodder.
 The Arnsted column, marching from Poa Gnu to Tien Tsin, is advancing in extended front between Poa Ting Eo and Yung Ting Ho.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
 DARBY'S SLAYER CAUGHT.
William knard Was Arrested Yester-
 day at GatesviIIe, Tex.

Knard, the slayer of William Darby, was arrested today at Gatesville, Tex, on ad- vice from Sheriff Hill, who left for his prisoner. Knard shot Darby with a shot gun on Christmas day, blowing off the lower part of his face at clost range.
 Knards wife left last night for Texas and his whereabout was learned in this way. A reward is offered for Knard's S capture by Darby's family.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
Begged for Bread.
New York statesman.

From the New York Statesman.
 Would you please give me s2 to get some bread for my hungry family?" said the beggar to the man passing t
 .sWhy. S2 would buy a whole lot of bread, my man"
 ''Yes, know it, and need whole lot, sir. You see. the turkey has to be stuffed. smy wife must have bread puddin's and three of the children are always crying for milk toast, sir.''
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
AN OPTICAL ILLUSION
 AWAITS EXPLANATION

There is an optical illusion over which many scientists both in France and Eng land are now pondering seriously. It was published in La Nature, a French scien- tific journal, some weeks ago, and few deys later it appeared in two leading sci entific journals in England. Ever since then 1t has given rise to much discussion in both countries.
 The illusion consists in the fact that hay penumbra can be seen at the places where the white strips separating the sixteen black squares cross one an-
The age-herald., 1901-03-17

ter, while all those below the center are clear On the other hand it is said to be absurd to pretend that the top of the wheel can go faster than the bottom.
 The mystery has-been explained in this way-as a matter of fact, the top of the wheel does actually move faster than the bottom. that is, in relation to the ground. The bottom half of the wheel has only a vertical motion, while the top has a rapid horizontal motion. much fas- ter than the hub or the wagon. With time exposure, therefore. the bottom spokes show clear, while those above the center are blurred.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
Notice to Contractors.

Sealed bids will be received by E. J. Me- Crossin, chairman building committee, for the erection of Elks' Street Fair build ings, fences, etc. Plans to be had at the office of Walter Chamberln. Architect, Office Building (3d floor). Union labor only. D. J. McCROSSIN.
 Chairman Building Committed.
 No 321 Chalifoux Bldg.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
Resolutions of Sorrow.

Chicago. March 16.-Resolutions express ing sorrow for the death of ex-President Harrison were adopted at a special meet ing of the Union League today, and a committee appointed to represent the club at the funeral General Harrison was an honorary member of the club.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
Petition To Western Jockey Club.

Lexington, March 16-A petition circu- lated here today and widely signed by breeders and trainers ask the Western Jockey Club to rescind it's action barring horses which race on tracks of the Turf Congress Similar petitions will be sent all over the country.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
4 Theatric Result.

From the Richmond Dispatch.
 q hear that you had a cyclone out your way the other day"
 Indeed, we did, and a first class one, at that.'
 Well, you have so often expressed a desire to witness one of these freaks of nature that it is in line for me to ask how you like the performance"
 .'Oh, it brought down the house.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
A Dollar a Minute.

"The next case is Jack Jackson, lar ceny," said the judge.
 There's a man in the corner over there, judge" said an officer, "who gave in his name as Jackson. I expect that s him"
 Come round Jack in the Corner said the judge.
 My name ain't Jack, it's Bunk" said
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
President Diaz Improves.

Cuernavaca, Mexico, March 16.-Presi- dent Diaz continues to improve in health Several of his immediate family are with him here.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
Boers Foraginq.

Litton. Cape Colony, March 16.-Thc Boers passed through here yesterday They footed the stores, seized forage and burned what wheat they could not carry off
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
lN @ m I ! M w MII l IMm Fl I
 lmM w. Ml

other If however, an observer consen- trates his attention up noe of these spots, the penumbra disappears. though it re- mains visible at the other places. Ger tain English scientists are now varying the dimensions of the squares and inter vening white spaces, with the object of ascertaining when the penumbra will cease to be visible.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
At the Wrong Shop.

From the Boston Transcript.
 Beg your pardon" said the applicant for a position as reporter. "I won't take your time. So I'll merely say I want a job I'm a man of few words. you know"
 Sorry for that replied the managing editor; .'I like your appearance, but man of few words would never do on this paper.,' s.ss5..sl-..
The age-herald., 1901-03-17
The Youthful Dead,

From the Kansas City Journal
 We fail to notice any particular differ ence between the empire and the repub- lie. Kansas City's streets are just as dirty as ever.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17

Only limited number of maps left. Subscribers should avail themselves of thls opportunity to secure house. hold, office and school room necessity.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17

Drink Alabama Brewing Co.'S "Malt Extract," re- nowned for it's health pro. ducing qualities. Telephone 1928.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17

She will be here next week -Youkon Girl.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17

tho defendant as he appeared before the bar of justice.
 'IIe told me his name was Jack,' said the officer.
 'I was scart. jedge,' said the defend- ant, ''an' didn't know my granmudder's s name much less mine" judge.
 Better throw yourself on the mercy of the court" suggested an officer
 T aint gwine ter fro myself nowhar,
The age-herald., 1901-03-17

For classified lads" see page 6.
The age-herald., 1901-03-17

You sing many seconds" said the
The age-herald., 1901-03-17

3-17-4t
The Independent., 1901-04-23
The Josephine stanton Opera Co.

Josephine Stanton, the Canadian
singer, who was the prima donna
with the Boston Lyric Opera Com
pany during the past two years, has
been surrounded with most ex-
cellent company of singars, has
secured a fine repetoire OF comic
operas aud is now heading for this
city on the S S. Ventura, she aud
her COMPANY OF 80 psopIe will begin
a short engagement at the Opera
House, April %.
"Dorcaa," the comic opera by
Harry and Edward Poulton ia which
Pauline Hall starred for several sea
sons, has been secured by Josephine
Stanton, and will be this opening
play at II g Opera House, recommending
Thursday, April 25th. Seats now
on sale at Wall, NicholsCo.'s.
The Independent., 1901-04-23
The Y. M. O. a

The board OF directors OF the
Young Mems Christian Association
men last evening in Secretary Cole
mans c flee and elected the omcers
of the institution for the ensuing
year, as follo@sl;
Plesident-T. Give Davies, re-
elected.
Vice. President-J. p Cooke, re-.
elected. -.
Treasurer-C. II. Atherton, re-
elected,
Recording Secretary-J. NJ. Moore
Those present at the meeting were {:
j. P. Cooke, Thsodore Richards, G.
H. AthsrtNu, w. G. Weedon, j.
M, Moor, ElIsr Wood and H. G,
Coleman, general secretary of the
local Y. NJ q. a,
The Independent., 1901-04-23
Iute'-lS|and Telegraph
On and After the I'd OF March
Messages in plain language will be
accepted for transmission be-
tween the places mentioned
below:
HONOLULU, OAHU,
KA LAAU, MOLOKAI,
MAUNALEI, LANAI; and
LAHAINA, MAUI.

The charge for such messages
will be at the rate OF 20 cents per
word of Is letters until further
notice.
When telephone connections are
available messages may be handed
to the telephone company to be
forwarded to destinations other
than those mentioned above.
In other cases special messengers
may be employed.
The cost OF special delivery is not
included in the charge at 20 Ger {
per word. If the cost is known It
must be paid by the sender whAn
the message is handed in. If W.,
known, it must he paid by the al
dressee when the message is dc.
livered.
HONOLULU OFFICE, MAG0ON BLOCK,
UPSTAIRS.
The Independent., 1901-04-23
A WomaA's @ ,stion.

"Did you say, or dil you not say,
John, what said you said you saidi
Because Will said you said you
never said what | said you said.
Now, il you did say you did not say
what ] said you said, then what do
you say you saidT
The Independent., 1901-04-23

Congressman Horace B. Packer,
of Pennsylvania, aud j, X. Souther,
of Washington, D. c., return on the
Sierra for the Cspital, after spend
ing a few pleasant weeks in the Isl
ands.
The Independent., 1901-04-23

w. B Maxwell's connec ion with
the reportorial staff Of the Repub-
lican has bee" severed. Mr.. Max
we'll will accept a position with the
Honolulu and Hawaiisn Paper
Company.
The Independent., 1901-04-23
The Second Polo Game.

1t is no use talking, the Maui boys
got where the chicken got the axe,
but they are anxious to have the !
Oahu boys come to Kula when
Louis Won Tempsky returns and see /
whether tx Ksuks" Judd can put up
such beautiful game on the slope |
OF Hsleakala as he does here.
An excellent game was plsye1 yes
terday, but the ponies OF the Mauites
gave out.
Polo is beautiful game because
it shows that The ponies have more
common horse sense than the riders,
and one pony, grey one, looked
very sarcastic when he resd the
following report 10 morning paper
and saw "Kauka" and the other nice
boys indulging in Sauterne, Tin
fandel and Pommery. 1t reads:
A complimentary bsrquet was ten
dered the visiting members OF the
Maui Polo Club last evening by the
Oahu Polo Club at Lycurgus' Grill,
where the contesting teams and
their friends fratern z I'D aud toasted
one another aud vowed to meet again
soon upon the grassy field. Covers
were laid for twenty in the private
banquet room and informality reign.
ed supreme. The dinner was fit
ting close to q memorable tourna-
ment which has initiated new
sport ia the Hawaiian Islands aud
won popularity from its inception
because Of the gentlemauly, sports
maplike qualities which make it the
"Kiug OF Games" Chef Lycurgus
loaded Ahe board with good things
to eat aud drink, and banquet, tour
nament, aud the spirit OF true sports.
mauship were lauded to the skies.
President S. E. Damon of the
Oahu Club sat at the head OF the
table, and on his right was Captain
Won Tempsky, the president OF the
visiting team. Flanking them were
the remainder OF the Maui players,
David Lindsay, Harry Opp and w.
o. Aiken. In order were tho mem.
bers OF the O ,bu Club, F. G. Ather-
ton, Fred. WaterhouSe, A. F. Judd
and the victorious members of the
O ,hu team, Captain Fleming, G. S
Judd, G.. 2. Judd and Fl. f. Damon
Next to them sat the following in
vited guests: Walter F. Dillingh am
) George Fuller, Harold NJ Mott.
Smith, Fred. Dlmon and Gerritt p
Wilder. Following is the menu:
Polo Blue Points.
Cousomme d. R5ine.
Salad.
Hawaiian Crawfsh
Saulerne.
Hors d'Oeuyres.
Olives. Pickles.. Radishes.
S:uffed Peppers.
Fillet OF Sole, Tartar Sauce.
Pommes Duchesse.
Zinfandel.
Entrees.
Riz de Vssw, Braise au Petit Pois
Sorbert la Romaine.
. Rotis.
Spring Chicken an Cresson.
Pommery Sec.
Vegetables.
Asparagus, Mayonnaise Dressing.
3 Mashed Potatoes.
, Dessert.
, Orange Fritters. Walnuts. Almonds
Raisina Gafa Nnir
The Independent., 1901-04-23

1t is amusing to see Charlie Crane
strutting around town to-day aud
saying. ms and my son, you know.
1t is bounaer and the papa is ex-
rusable.