davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
~ Wna Scratched.

"Years ago IL California" said q
western man. "an acquaintance of
mine was on a stagecoach that pair
of bandits went through. The II pas
ScngerS were all made to get out and
stand in n row, with their hands high
over their heads. One burly rutfian
stood guard over them with double
barrelcd shotgun, while the other en-
gagged in the pleasing task of relieving
them of their valuables and spare
cash.
MY friend was nearest the man
with the shotgun. While the ceremo-
MES were in progress his nose began to
itch, and instinctively he started to
lower one hand to scratch it. Hands
up, there" came the stern order, and
his hand went automatically back into
place But that itching redoubled, and
again he cssayed the relieveful
scratch.
Say, what's the matter with you
anyhow? demanded the highwayman.
Are you wishful to become a lead
mineY My nose itches so | can't
stand it any longer tearfully explain
ed my friend. 1 simply have got to
scratch it., No, you hain't,' ungram-
matically corrected the knight of the
road, ''cause I'll do it for YOU
"And with that he proceeded to
scratch the offending nasal organ with
the muzzle of his shotgun. You can
wager your shoes that that particular
nose stopped itching with great abrupt
ness
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
Bird Intelligence,

During q high wind one summer day
l young oriolc was thrown from its
hest to The ground. It was picked NJ
by kind hands and kept in the house
till the storm was over and then placed
on the roof of the piazza. A watch
was kept behind the osed blinds Of Il
window near by to note proceedings
on the part of the parent birds. They
in the meantime had seen the little one
borne away and had followed it to the
house, and, as it was kept near the
open window, its cries had apprised
them of its whereabouts. They soon
came to it on the roof and lowered
about it, doing much talking and con-
sulting together.
Finally they alighted near the little
one, and the female slipped her wing
under il and seemed to urge some
course OF acting upon the male, who
fidgeted about coming to the little one,
spreading his wings over it, then fly
ing to tree. when the female followed
him and brought him back and again
slipped a wing under the little one.
Finally he seemed to understand or
to get his nerve under control, and,
slipping his own wing under, together
they made a sort of cradle for the bird
ling, and, each tapping its free wing.
they flew to the tree, bearing it to a
place of safety among the branches,
where it was lost sight of.-Boston
Christian Register.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
An Accomplished Cook.

The family had advertised for a cook.
The family lived in west end man
sion. Throughout the house there were
rich articles of furniture and bric-a-
brac which had been picked up from
time to time in the family's wander
ings through Europe and other sectors
of the globe. Now. it SO happens a
very wise person applied for place as
queen Of the culinary department in
this elegant household.
What is your name?" asked the fam
fly.
"Evangeline. thank you" came in re-
ply from the dusky applicant
"Evangeline, then, tell me, are you a
good cook?"
Its just like this: You see | can do
$40 cooking, So cooking, $40 cooking,
but
There was undue emphasis on the
"but," and Evangeline glanced admir-.
ingly about the house. Evangeline
knew her little book well.
-'it seems to me-" she went on final
ly, you folks wouldn't be satisfied
with any other than my $25 kind"
The family was quite taken aback,
but managed to recover itself in time
to say it might strive to get along as a
starter with about $17.35 cooking for a
few months, at any Washington
Star
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
Bro,v,,,s Ruttered Watermelon.

s<L - - - /" AStsN aif SA
Colonel George u. Anderson, man
Of splendid genius and rare oratorical
gifts, was stumping for Greeley and
Brown down in southwest Missouri
One night in the midst of his speech an
old fellow arose in the back of the
house and said
Colonel Anderson, is it true that
Governor Brown was so drunk at that
Yale alumni dinner that he buttered
his Watermelon
Colonel Anderson reared back on his
pastern joints. Strengthened himself to
his feet > and with a lions roar an
swered
Yes, it is true that Governor Brown
buttered his watermelon at the Yale
alumni dinner and | am happy to in
form you that that is the only way in
which waternelons are eaten in polite
society"
AnderSon's happy retort was greeted
with a shout Of laughter and n roar of
applause by his auditors. His inter
rogator sat down discounted, and that
was the last ever heard of the story
of the buttered watermclon-all Of
which goes to demonstrate the value
of Danton's famous motto: "L'audace.
L'audace. Toujours raudacer
Colonel Anderson was Il wonderful
stumper. He was most emphatically
a rough diamond. In the rough and
tumble, catch-as-you-ca style of debat-
ing he never had a superior in Mis-
souri,, which is saying a great deal. He
was an adept in the use of every spe-
cies of oratorical weapon.-Champ
Clark in Saturday Evening Post.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10

A young down town drug clerk who
had heard the story of the colored wo-
man who had asked for flesh colored
court plaster and was given black by
the observant dealer stored the Incl
dent away in his mental dust box and
decided to use it at the first opportu-
nifty. He had not long to wait. for a
few nights ago Il comely colored girl
stepped into the store where he was
employed "Ah wants some cOu't plas-
ter" she said.
What color?" inquired the clerA
with affected nonchalance.
"Flesh cullah, sah.'
Trembling in his shoes and keeping
within easy reach Of a heavy pestle,
the clerk handed the woman box of
black court plaster, and he was sur
prised at the time that the situation af-
forded so little humor. The woman
opened the box with a deliberation that
was ominous, but she was unruflled
when she noted the color of the con
tents.
"Ah guess yo' mus a-misunderstood
NAH ordah. All asked foh flesh cullah
and yo' done give me skin cullah."
The drug clerk is still little da2ed
from the encounter, and he has firmly
resolved to subject every Joke to rigid
laboratory test hereafter before using.
-Pittsburg News.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
Treatment For Sprains.

The prevalence of sprainS and strains
owing to the indulgence in athletic
exercises of all kinds moves an au-
thority on the treatment of these pain
full accidents to say:
A little common sense treatment IS
often all that is needed when the strain
is at ankle or wrist and without com
plications. 1t will swell very alarming
" at first and gradually develop a
frightful looking bruise, but from the
first it should have complete rest and
a treatment of hot and cold doucheS,
the hot being used at first, when the
swelling is painful, and the cold later
on, as scrt of tonic to the relaxed
muscles. The hot must be very hot
and the cold very cold, as the tepid
water does harm rather than good.
For the first day of a strain, when
all the wrenched cartilages and mus
cles are aching, great relief is found in
a poultice of egg and salt To make it.
beat the white of an egg till light, but
not stiff Stir in gradually a cup and
a half of salt, or more if needed, to
make a thick, pastelike icing. Spread
this ON a cloth and bandage in place.
Cover all with oil silk or thick bath
towel to protect the sheets, since the
egg leaks out continually. After this
has relieved the soreness begin with
hot water lamentations and wear a
light, firm bandage, except at night.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
Easy If You Have To.

Many stories of President Lincoln
might be classified as fiction, although
a few of them are. So tits not unnatu
raj that this little anecdote, which is
better than most, should appear in Mr.
Irving Bachelors novel, "Eben Hol
den" s'iEf'
my n,"'he7 said, taking my hand
In his, why didn't you run"
"Didn't dare" answered. 81 knew
1t was more dangerous to run away
than to go forward"
Reminds me of story" said he
smiling. years ago there was bully
In Sangamon county, Ills, that had the
reputation of running faster and fight
ing harder-than any other man there
Everybody thought he was a terrible
fighter. He'd always get man on the
run: then he'd catch up and give him q
licking. One day he tackled a lame
man. The lame man licked him in a
minute.
why didn't We run? somebody
asked the victor.
Didn't darst,' said he. Run once
when he tackled me, an I've been lame
ever since.'
How did We manage to lick him :?
asked the other.
WAL said he, I he'd to, an / done
1t easy
That's the way it goes" said the i'm,
mortal president. "Ye do it easy if ye
have to-"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
Poor Richards Bread Box.

Benjamin Franklin was hearty eat
er In the good old days before the
vending of lightning rods became a
profession. When history caught one
of her first glimpses of him, he was
eating q roll in the street. After he
laid the cornerstone of the Pennsyl-
vania hospital in the happy reign Of
George III, he was a frequent visitor in
the halls of that institution. His la
bors there being arduous, it CHANGED
that he frequently fell hungry at work.
He appeared at the hospital gate
one day with a big tin box under his
arm. Disregarding the gaze of the GU
rious, he marched through the cor
ridors to the dispensary, brushed aside
q few cobwebbed beakers from a shelf
and In their place planted the tin box.
What might this be" queried his
friend Dr. Rush.
This" said Ben Franklin, SIS Poor
Richards bread box. Help yourself"
The box was filed with penny cakes.
When the supply ran out Ben Frank
lin bought more cakes. That was 80
years ago.
Since Franklin's time, new hospital
buildings have crowded the old out
of existence and the hospital has
grown to be one Of the most noted in
the world. Yet an old tin box, much
battered and dented, stands on a shelf
In the drug room, and it contains cakes
and ginger snaps. Whenever the resi-
dent physicians or nurses visit the
room they go to the box, take out a
cake and eat. When the cakes are
gone, the hospital steward charges the
box afresh.-Philadelph Press.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
Pins

Queen Catherir obtained pins from
France. and. in 1913, an act was pass
ed: That 10 person shall put to sale
any pinncs but only such as shall be
double headed and have the heads sold
cred fast to the shank of the pinnes,
well sM3othcd the shank well shapen,
the points well round filed, cauted and
sharpened."
At this time most pins We're made of
brass, but many were also made Of
iron with brass surface. France sent
a large number of pins to England
until about the year 1926.
In this year one John Tilsby started
pinuaking in Gloucestershire. So sue
cessful was his venture that he soon
had 1900 persons working. These pins
made at Stroud were held in high re-
pute
In 1896 pinmakers combined and
founded corporation The industry
was carried on at Bristol and Brmng-
ham, the latter becoming the chief
center. In 1715 prizes were offered for
the first native made pins and needles
in Carolina, and during the war in 1872
pins fetched enormous prices.
Pins vary from 312 inches in length
to the small gilt entomologists' pin;
4,j0O weighing about an ounce.-Good
Words.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
MfrrOr Mnd.

"What!" exclaims the astonished
reader, "is it possible that there are
any civilized persons ON the face of the
earth who are not in the habit of be-
holding their visages reflected from
time to time in a mirror of some kind?
Surely this cannot be So" Wrong,
quite wrong, gentle reader, for at the
present time, strange as it may & :
pear there are hundreds of men and
women in the United Kingdom who
have not gaZed into mirror for years.
The convicts confined in British pris-
ons form members of this community.
From the moment of a convict's en-
trance to Jail to the moment of his
exit he is not permitted to have the
use of mirror of any kind. the small
est piece Of glass being rigidly denied
him. To the women convicts this ab-
sence of mirror forms one of the
chief hardships of confinement. and
many a female warder can tell piteous
tales of women who have actually fall
en- upon their knees and sobbcd out
entreaties for the loan of a morsel of
mirror-"just for a second" All these
entreaties have perforce to be disre-
garded, and it therefore comes about
that many a female convict passes
three or four years without being per-
mitted to gaze upon her own features.
London Tit-Bits.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10

The house in which Joan Of Arc was
born is still faithfully preserved in
pious veneratiOn at Domremy, where it
is looked upon almost in the light of q
shrine. PaSSersby invariably cross
themselves and utter a prayer for pro
lection as they go by.
The story goes that a rich and eccen-
trio EngliShman tried hard to buy the
place in 1887. 1t was at that time the
property of a farmer named Girardin.
The Englishmcn offered to let him
name his own price, but the old man
held firm. NO, no, no." he cried. 81
would not sell it even to a Frenchman,
much less to Il foreigner and especially
an Englishman. People here would call
me a traitor and a coward were | to
part with the house from which Joan
of Arc set out to serve France"
The Englshman convinced himself
that further bargaining was useless
and went his way.
Soon after an officer from the kings
household arrived in the village and
asked to speak with Girardin. Before
the whole village. assembled in the
street, he said: "Girardin, the king has
learned that you have refused to sell
your house to an Englishman. He de
sires to reward you, but not in coin.
He knows that you no more want the
money of the French than of the Eng
lish, therefore has he commanded me
to present YOU with the cross of the Lee
gion of Honor"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
A Curious Coincidence.

The letters 20 NJ might be supposed
to possess a mysterious charm, as they
form the termination of many of the
most distinguished names in history.
No other letters of the alphabet will
furnish so remarkable coincidence as
may be found In the following list
made up from ancient and modern
names: Aaron, Solomon. Agamemnon.
Solon, Bion, Phocion, Bacon, Newton,
Johnson, Addison, Crichton, Porson,
Button, Montfaucon, Tillotson, Fene-
lon, Massillon, Warburton, Leighton,
Lytton, Walton, Anacreon, Ben Jon
son, Milton, Byron, Thomson, Tenny-
son, Arson, Washington, Napoleon,
Wellington. etc
A Greek scholar has called attention
to a very curious coincidence about the
name of Napoleon. If you take away
the first letter of his name, you have
"apoleon;" take away the first letter of
that word, and you have 'poleon;" do
this successfully down to the last syl-
liable, and you have leon" 'eon" and
"on." Put these several words togeth-
er in this order, Napoleon on oleon leon
con apoleon poleon, and you have a
Greek phrase the literal translation of
which Is Napoleon, being the lion of
peoples, went about destroying cities" "
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
He Got a Pass.

'Haltv' cried an alert patrolman in
Manila as a beautifully caparisoned
carriage drove up containing a portly
gentleman. The driver reined his
steeds, and the sentry, standing firmly
in the center of the street, shouted.
'Who is there"
Not knowing what else to say, the
occupant of the carriage answered,
Judge Taft, president of the civil
commission"
advance, Judge Taft, to be recog-
nized," bawled the sentry. The judge
advanced, and the following dialogue
took place:
Sentry-Have you pass?
Taft-No. sir; do | require one?
Sentry-You do, sir, and it's my duty
to run you in.
Taft-But | am the civil governor of
the Philippine Islands.
Sentry-That doesn't cut any figure.
You're a civilian and out after hours.
I'll let you 60 by this time, but the next
time catch you you'll have to see the
captain"
THANK you," murmured Judge Taft
as he drove away. And there and then
he formed a resolution to put in an
application for a pass. According to
the Manila Freedom, he got it.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
Tennyson and Sightseers.

Tennyson's well known aversion to
sightseers and their ways gave rise to
many an odd experience. Once, it is
said, he complained to Queen Victoria,
saying that he could no longer stay in
the Isle of Wight owing to the tourists
who came to stare at him.
The queen, with a kindly irony, said
that she herself did not suffer much
from that grievance. But Tennyson.
taking her literally. replied in the same
strain.
''Eo, madam" said he, land if could
clap a sentinel wherever liked
should not be troubled either"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10

At a recent banquet in Sydney de-
scendant of the Macdonalds massacred
at Glencoe passed a knife with the
blade foremost to a member Of a ia
nous old family bearing the historic
name of the Macdonalds' Eetrayers.
Most of those who looked on stigma
tized the action as one of contemptibly
bad breeding. But one or two under
stood the significance and knew that
the betrayal is still unforgiven.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
Musings by the Seashore.

"What a mistake it is" observed the
doctor as they walked along the shore,
to speak of this as the watery waste"
There isn't a drop that is wasted. With
out the ocean the continents themselves
would soon become uninhabited dcs-
erts''
Therefore" commented the profess
or, while it laves the sand it saves the
and"-Chicago Tribune.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
A Deep Mystery

1t is mystery why women endure
Backache, Headache, Nervousness,
Sleeplessness, Melancholy, Painting and
Dizzy Spells when thousands have prov
ed that Electric Bitters will quickly cure
such troubles. Il suffered for years
with kidney trouble, writes Mrs. Phebe
Cherley, of Peterson, Ia, and lame
back panied me so / could not dress my
self, but Electric Bitters wholly cured
me, and, although 73 years old, now
am able to do all my housework. 1t
overcomes Constipation, improves Ap-
petite, gives perfect health Only soc
at Paules SS Co.'S drug store.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
A Lucid Decision,

A correspondent, referring to a recent
article in Law Notes on ''The Gram
mar of the Courts" calls attention to
the following lucid decision of Sir
John Taylor COleridge in the case OF
Turley against Thomas, s c. and p.
103, 81 e. c. L. 312: 1T has been sug-
gested as doubt by the learned coun-
sci for the defendant whether the rule
of the road applies to saddle horses or
only to carriages. Now have no doubt
that it does. Law Notes.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
The Equlnoxes.

The equinoctial storms are no longer
believed in by scientific persons. The
equinoxes are the dates Of the year
when the sun crosses the equator at
one of the equinoctial points. They oc-
cur about March q and Sept, q, and,
though storms have been known to oc-
cur about those times, they are no
longer considered as due to the per-
fectly natural occurrence of the cross
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
Brought Good Fortune.

A small item in his own paper lately
brought amazing good fortune TO Editor
Chris. Reitter, of the Saginaw Mich. J
Post and Zeitung He and his family
had the Grip in its worst form. Their
doctor did them no good. Then he read
that DR.. Kings New Discovery for Con
sumption, Coughs and Colds was a
guaranteed cure for La Grippe and all
Throat and LING troubles tried it aud
says: Three bottles cured the whole
family No her medicine on earth
equals it. Only soc and S1.00 at Paules
,& Co.'S drug store. Trial bottles free.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
Ekn He'd

There's no use" said Mr.. CUmrox.
Il amt going to try to superintend the
education of my daughters any more"
"Why not?"
They're getting along where | can't
follow 'em. | hear 'em chattering
sometimes, and | can't tell whether
they are reciting their Latin lessons or
counting out for game of hide and
seek ."-WaShingtOn Star.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
A ResourcefuI Waiter.

A very rich but miserly gentleman
was in the habit of dining daily at a
certain restaurant, but he never tip
ped the waiter who attended to his
wants One day the long suffering
waiter asked the gentleman IF be
would condescend to accept his Che
waiter's) photograph"
"What for?" was the query.
81 thought it might make you re-
member the waiter, sir" was the quick
reply.-London Tit-Bits.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
CONSUMPTION CAN
Be CURED.
T. A. Slocum, NJ. c., the Great Chem
ist and Scientist, Will Send Free, to
La Afflicted, Three Bottles of
his Newly Discovered Rene
dies to Cure Consumption
40 Al Lung Troubles.

NutnH4 could be tarer, more phIlan-
thropic or carry MOI joy to the afflict-
ed, than the offer OF I. A. Slocum, NJ.
c., Of New York City.
Confident that he has discovered a
reliable cure for consumption and all
bronchial, throat and lung diseases,
general decline and weakness, loss of
flesh and all conditions wasting, and to
make its great merits known, he will
send, free, three bottles to any reader of
the AMERICAN who may be suffering.
Already this "new scientific course of
medicine" mas permanently cured thou
sands of apparently hopeless cases.
The Doctor considers it his religious
duty--a duty which he owes to human
ity-to donate his infallible cure.
He has proved the dreaded consump-
ton to be a durable disease beyond any
doubt, and has on file in his American
and European Laboratories testimonials
of experience from those benefited and
cured, in all parts of the world.
Don't delay until it is too late. Con-
sumption, uninterrupted, means speedy
and certain death Address T. A
Slocum NJ. c., 9S Pine street, New
York, and when writing the Doctor, give
express and postoffice address, and
please mention reading this article in
the AMERICAN March 9
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10

1.-THE old idea that the body sometimes
needs a powerful drastic, purgatiye
pill has been exploded; for DR. King 5
New Life Pills, which are perfectly
harmless, gently stimulate liver and
bowels to expel poisonous matter,
cleanse the system and absolutely cure
Constipation and Sick Headache. Only
25c at Paules q Cos drug store.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
A Connie of Bulls.

An advertisement recently published
in a newspaper in Ireland set forth
that "Michael Ryan begs to inform the
public that he has a large stock Of
cars. wagonettes, brakes. hearses and
other pleasure vehicles for sale or
hire"
This is the same paper which. in q
glowing description of a funeral. an
nounced that Mrs. B. Of c. sent q
magnificent wreath of artificial flowers
In the form of q cross"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
Walking Fish.

The walking fish of Santa Catalina
channel, California is a member of the
pediculati tribe and has congeners
among the gulf weed of the Mexican
coast. Its pectoral fins are shaped so
as to serve for legs, and it can rest on
them so as to snap is prey. 1t builds n
nest Of seaweed.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
His Pointed Remark.

81 frequently hear you say that mon
ey talks" she remarked.
Yes; it is an old saying and true
one" he replied; "but, unfortunately
while money talks, all that talks is not
money"
"Why do you say unfortunately
she asked.
Because If that were so," he an.
swered, II would be married to q fab.
ulous fortune."-London Fun.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1901-01-10
Inda.H finite

A notice which attracts the attention
of many sojourners in a New Hamp-
shire town is posted on the wall Of the
little railway station. The paper on
which it is printed bears evidence Of
long and honorable service:
Notice: Loafng either in or about
this room is strictly forbidden, and
must be observed.