The Washington times., 1901-08-18
DIARY OF A cHERUB.
Most Mothers Will Appreciate This
Realistic Document.

Mr.. Bethany had enjoyed a particular
ly good dinner, and his cigar also was
much to his liking. He was in mood to
bless mankind. Far be it from anyone
to hint that these merely material COM
forts had anything to do with his genial
interest in his only son and heir Thorn
as, aged eighteen months. The baby had
been named Thomas, by the way, because
Mrs. Bethany had thought how delightful
it would be when he went to college for
his chums to call him Tom
Thomas was on the verge of being re-
tired for the night and was indulging in
farewell antics against time. We'll, IL
you aren't a joyi' at last circulated his
proud young papa, who turned with
beaming face on his wife. Helen" he
said, Il don't believe you half
ciate your luck in having all day and
every day to enjoy the fun of this young
ster! And here l only get measly scraps
of a good ting with him-a half hour
each EVENING"" He looked aggrieved.
Yes, it's too bad agreed Mrs. Bella
M. with suspicious sweetness You
don't know what you miss, really
Several days later Mrs. Bethany gave
her husband a folded document. Its
merely a chronological account of one
day at home with Thomas, she said. Il
don't think it's fair for me to have all the
good times and exclude you l thought
you might like to know exactly just
what the darling did to give me happy
day"
pleasure at her thoughtfulness: He be-
gan to read:
IS a. m-Thonas awoke emphaticaliy:
To keep him quiet so his 1ather should
not be disturbed let him pound my nose
with his inst and jerk my hair.
- a. m.-Thomas was so hungry | had
to attend to feeding him his oatmeal and
cream and let my breakfast get cold.
Gave him his bath. In his playfuiness he
tipped over the tin tub and Hooded the
new bedroom rug. Water soaked down
into the fiat below and the lady sent up
word ceiling decorations were ruined and
she should send bill for repairs
IS a. m.-While talking to the grocery
boy l took my eye off Thomas for three
minutes In that time he had cr-wied
out the kitchen door to the porch. tur1- !
bled down the back stairs and landed
head-tirst in snowdrift No bones were
broken, SO l put him in hot bath. gave
him whisky teddy and he went to sieep.I
II he has pneumonia | know he'll disinpa-
IL a m.-Thomas woke up and man
aged to crawl Ont of his crib by himself.
| found him on the floor OF the bedroom
closet, pounding with the tack hammer
boNful of Photographic plates taken in
South America, and not replaceable. He
broke seventeen before | discovered him.
He merely grinneo al me.
Il p. m.-Whiie my back was turned
Thomas pulled the lurch-cloth of the din
ing-room table. and with it the cut-glass
cru6t and a lot of china The china
smashed and the crueu hit him on the
head. He shreked, sc l knew he wasn't
killed, but l had to stick his forehead
all up with plaster. Besides the vinegar
got in his eyes. This delayed me so I
was unable to go to the afternoon card
party / had promised to attend.
3 p. m.-Thomas has fallen down and
bumped his face six times within the
last hoIr. 1t appears to amuse him, in
spite of his yells. He tripped up the cook
and she spilled all over the floor a fresh
cuStard pie she was lust going to put in
the oven. She has given notice
. p. MI am nearly dead from fright
Going into the dining room saw Thomas
before the open cupboard under the side
board. He had uncorked bottle of laud-
anum and had II to his lips. / managed
TO jerk it from him before | tainted. The
cook threw painful of hot water over me
in her excitement. and 1t brought me to-
We couldn't tell whether Thomas got any
of the laudanum not because we
hadn't an idea of how much was in the
bottle in the first place or how It got
there. To be on the safe side. We fed him
fun pound of lard, which he seemed to
relish.
&c p. m.-Thomas is alive. but l am a
wreck. l have just remembered that old
laudanum bottle contained nothing but
rosewater anyhow. l am afraid We gave
Thomas too much lard-he is very unhap-
Ply.
husband with a bright. cheerful smile.
such as he grew accustomed TO in the
days before we Were married. Also, l
must be coquettishly arrayed and pre-
pared to entertain and soothe him after
his hard day in the city. Otherwise. as all
the women's journals warn, Will lose
his affection. deseryedly."
seemed out Of breath iefr Say he p remark
ed TO Mrs. Bethany, contritely. you just
lie down on the parlor couch where 1t is
comfortable and let me bring your dinner
in and feed you. Geer'-Chicago News.