The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1901-03-24
Elm OF TIE woRLn.

among unfnteutionaI savings capable OF q
satirical application was that Of al old
pew-opener in a southern county. She
was in attendance on the rector, the
church wardens, ana a city architect
down with a view 10 church restoration
said the architect, posing the WoodW9Tz
with his cane. There's a great deal
Of dry-rot II these pews. sir Rector
Before the latter could reply the old wo-
man cut ii with But, law sir IL ain
nothing TO what there IS in the pulpit
DO you know what my father would
have done If 1 had been caught doing
such q thing" asked au irate --emphis
father OF his hlue SON
The latter did not consider the sit3a-
ton at all alarming. and said in a rather
Jocular manner.
You must have had a pretty bad
daddy.
This cool, sarcastic manner nettled the
old gentleman ali the more, and IN his
loss of temper lee exclaimed
Well sir, I want you % distinctly IN
derstand that 7 bad a better daddy than
you'll ever see the day 70 have.
< Xxx
Verdi hsd a horror OF barrel organs.
and when he went on his holidays he nae
method Of slippressing the street music
which was rather unique AZ Aoiic-ileil
once visitor found the composer Twins.
sleeping ard eating ia one rooI0. Seeing
his surprise, Verdi said. 1h. ! have two
other large rooms. but they contain 8
number Of articles / have hired And he
opened q door and showed the visitor
some barrel organs 10 the number of
ninety-five. AT cost of l5e9 TIRE the
composer mad hired all the grirding ma
chimes in the plsce to insure peaceful
zEz
While Mr. Quigg was addressing the
YorSville Republican club. one evening
last week. q man ia the audience arose /
ana walked out. 90 tae Obvious annoy
ance OF the speaker. il looked IS i The
man was leaving because he did not APP
prove OF the speaker remarks Air
Quigg did not look pleasant, and after ne
had finished his speech the chairman of
the meeting apoIogized for the interrup-
ton He said that he regretted that any
member OF the club should have gone cut
when Mr. Quigg was talking
II trust that Mr. Quigg himself did
not think the man left because The speech
dissatisfied him. he added. u am con-
ndent that was not the reason, because
the man is dear and DUMB.
x y * X
II wish y0u hadn't had your halr cut
so short Harold exclaimed the y0unE
woman. turning from him involuntairly.
what difference does it make dear
ESTE asked Harold. with tender anxiety.
'You-you have destroyed an Illusion.
she sighed. THAT is all
You didn't think 1 was a poet, did
you, Clara, because wore my hair
long,
NO; I never suspected you Of being a
poet.
Nor an artist?"
"Tben. what illusion have 7 Destroyer"
he demanded
Perhaps I should say. Harold. she
answered with tears I'm her voice 'taat
you have unconsciously revealed a fact
never suspected. dear. Your ears don't
matchl'
ZEE
An old farmer In Scotland once went 70
have troublesome tooth extracted. said
the dentist, after looking at the offend
ing molar:
1t is a very ugly one ] would advise
you 10 have it out by the painless sys-
TEN. 1t is only shilling extra
He showed the farmer the apparatus
for administering gas, remarking that it
would cause him TO fan asleep FOR a
minute, and before be awoke the tooth
wOU-~ be out. After a slight resistance
the sufferer consented, proceeding 10 open
his purse.
"oh, never mind paying Just nowr said
the dentist. kindly.
'Hoots,' answered the cautious CID
Scot, a wasn't thinking o. that. but #
A N ga en- Ia sleep s. thocht a Wad Ike
to count ma siler fust.
z b x x
Mark Twain gave a good sample Of his
humor at a hearing on the KipHng COPY
right suit before United States Commits
sioner Shields, in New York. Dir Glenn
ems was questioned as ~ his technical
ersra 10 81 rrrH.H
nearly every question the counsel Tor
the defense objected. Finally the wit
ness rather sadly said. They don
seem to want me to talk at an" Com (
missioner Shields then took pity on him (
and offered him cigar The witness 1
IL douhtfuily Then ne l0oa
at the plaintiff counsel and then az Tho /
defendants counsel. Then. waving his {
hand deprecatiugly. re said. No. no. /
I guess I'd better not take O.. They .
would object. I know. and it's TOO good
cigar 10 have 30 refuse.
4 q * =
4 member OF congress. who shall -
nameless. but who sits very close TO Rep
resentative LoudensiaEer. ~ New Jer-
sey. on the floor ~ the house. has an
aight-year-old son. Recently he told
Mr.. Loudenslager this story.
Last night about o'clock I tod
my boy that it was time % 90 20 Ned
he wasn't 8 BIT anxious TO obey nae. ard
had % speak 20 him two or three
times pretty sharply Finally Z said t1
him that there was an old adaee which
always came true ard which he eseht
20 learn and remember. Then 7 cgefe1
20 him the 1id Illness
Garry % bed and early % rise
Makes man healthy wealthy ard vries
BY boy looked ~ me Tor o moment
Continued the c0nTressrnan. 'ar6 chen He