davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Greenville times. [volume] (Greenville, Miss.) 1868-1917, 1901-04-13
"If you want to have q good time,
.Ioin the Elka. Join the Elks, bully

The local lodge, known as the ''Cotton
Pickers" carried off the second prize
for the most unique costume at St.
Louis 10 1899, and next summer they
expect to honor the South by bringing
the National Antlers, or first prize,
to their home in Greenvill e.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18
BRIGHT BITS.

A Foregone Conclusion.-"You think
she loves you then?" Think! My dear
boy, how can she help it?"-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
-Jim-"Wo4 are yer Iarin' at, Bill?''
Bill-"Why, the ole woman started ter
jaw that copper what kyme ter lock me
up an I'm bowed If 'e amt run er in,
an left me!"-Glasgow Evening Times.
Fortified Hatterson-"I am go
ing to meet my husband al one O'Clock to
select some decorations for the drawing
room" Mrs. Critterson-"What do you
want him with you for?' well in case
they don't turn out right can say it is
his ault."-I.ife
A Drain on Him.-"Tve often won
dered," said Cholly, how so many fellahs
1 know manage 40 get well off, while T.
always poor" Perhaps" replied Miss
Peppery, ITS because so many people
amuse themselves at your expense
Philadelphia Press
The Cloud.-He-"There, dear, after
toiling and planning for years, we have
al last been able to buy a beautiful home.
and you ought to be perfectly happy"
She-"But Pm not" He-"Whats the
natter" She-"I know we shall never
be able 20 sell it."-Harper's Bazaar.
Vacancy Needed.-"Do you think it
would improve my style" inquired the
varsity man, who had got into the crew
through favoritism, eff 1 were to acquire
a fast stroke?" at would improve the
crew" replied the candid trainer, 'if you
got a lightning stroke "-Philadelphia
Times.
Poodle and the Proposals.-Mr Simp-
son Showing agitation)-"Mi Lucia
there is communioation-that isl may
say-there are words which I feel com
PEELED to utter" Miss Lucia-"O-don't
let me interrupt YOU. Mr.. Simpson-but
wait till put poodle out-he gets awfulIy
mad If anybody-that is-hes so excit-
ble."-Chicago Record Herald
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18

The late William, Stubs, Bishop of
oxford, found his greatest amusement in
the making out of pedigrees and was
probably the greatest authority of the day
on the subject of English genealogies.
DIR. Emo Littman of Oldenburg, Ger
many who has been called to Princeton
to deliver courses in the Semitic Ian
euages, will be officially ranked as an
instructor in the college and member of
the library staff.
Sara Bernhard, In an interview on
America and Americans, says that the
only thing she has really to complain of
concerning this country is its weather.
She met, she said, more storms during
her last trip here than she has known
abroad in years. ,r
Prof. Albert H. Smith of Haverford,
Penn, will sail on June l for Scotland,
to attend the celebration of the 45Oth an
niversary of the founding of Glasgow
University. He goes as official re3resen-
tative of the American Philosophical So
ciety, of Philadelphia, the oldest learned
society in America, and he will deliver a
Latin grafton in behalf of that body.
Lord Edward Cecil, Lord Salisburys
soldier son. having obtained his brevet
majority in May, 1898, for his services in
the Dongola expedition, and the D.S.O.
for the expedition to Khartum, has been
promoted to a brevet lieutenant colonel
cy-while still cpatain in the Grenadier
Guards-as a reward for his good work
at Mafeking, where he was Maj. Gen.
Baden-P owelIs right-hand man through
out the investment Lord Edward is not
vet "a.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18

Charles T. Yerkes, the Chicago street
railway magnate, who is now building
electric lines in London, showed early
appreciation of the theory of buying and
selling to advantage, says the Chicago
Chronicle. He tells how as a boy he fire.
quented salesroom near his home.
"One day" said Mr.. Yerkes, II noticed
several boxes of soap of a certain brand
which l had often been sent to buy at
the corner grocery. 1 thought to myself,
That will go cheap, so I straightway
ran to the corner grocery, and after
drawing from the grocer a promise to
pay certain price for as many boxes
of that soap as l could furnish Che, of
course, never dreaming I would supply
them), / returned to the salesroom. A
box of the soap was about to be knock
ed down to the highest bidder when |
called out from my corner another bid.
The box was declared sold to me and my
name demanded.
Charles T. Yerkes, Jr," I piped out
in a shrill voice. was only II years old.
THE bystanders were amused, but their
laughter gave place to amazement when
I bid in the entire lot of twenty-five
boxes. 1 promptly delivered them to
the corner grocery and received the price
agreed upon"
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18

DR.. John H. Girdner of this city known
popularity as the friend of William j.
Bryan and of Richard Croker, has writ
ten book entitled "Newyoritis," which
he considers an appropriate name for a
number of mental and physical affections,
chiefly nervous, from which he says the
people of this city suffer, says the New
York Evening Post. In this book he
tells the following story, evidently of the
recent presidential candidate:
On certain Sunday morning l invited
Mr.. B., who was my guest and who halls
from another city, to attend DR.. IS
church with me. Mr.. B. is not a New
yorkitic, nor is he popular with New
yorkitios. His daily work and converse
ton, however, show him to be an humble
follower of the Master. He is an official
in his own church at home. After the
service was over, and while the doxology
was being sung, note was passed to me,
L receiving it from the gentleman who
occupied the pew Immediately behind me.
The note was signed by an official of the
church, man of education and wealth.
presumably a Christian and a gentleman.
the note said in substance: There are
photographers outside on the street Get
Mr.. B. away from the church before they
snapshot him, for we don't want the
church in the same picture with him." In
other words: Remove the 'corpse;' we
don't want the church polluted"
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18

Some more stories are told in a book of
memoirs that has just been published,
says the London Globe One of them
concerns a weil-known Bishop. He was
starting on a railway journey from Ches-
ter Station when the station master came
up to him and said referring to his lug
gage: How many articles are there my
Lord?" "Thirty-nine,' was the reply. 81
can only find sixteen" answered the
other. Then" said the Bishop, you
must be a Dssenter."
Another amusing story is told which
bears upon case of mistaken identity.
A man went up to an acquaintance and
began to talk to him. In the course of
conversation he said: 81 heard your ia
Their make such an excellent speech in
the House of Lords IT am so glad"
was the reply; I'VE lost him about ten
years ago, and am highly gratified to
hear that he has gone to so respectable
a place"
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18
THE MORNING NEWS is published

THE MORNING NEWS is published
every day in the year. and served to
subscribers I'm the city. or sent by mail,
at 20 cents a month. $500 for six months,
and $500 for one year.
THE MORNING NEWS, by mail, six
times a week (without Sunday issue),
three months. $3.50; six months, $500; one
year, $500.
THE WEEKLY NEWS, two issues a
week. MONDAY and Thursday by mail.
one year, $780,
Subscriptions payable In advance. Re
nit by money order. check or registered
letter. Currency sent by mail at risk of
sender.
Transient advertisements, other than
special column. local or reading notices,
aunusements and cheap or want column,
10 cents a line Fourteen lines of agate
tyl,e-equal to one inch in depths the
standard of measurement. Contract rates
ana discounts made known on application
at business ONCE.
Orders for delivery Of the Morning News
to either residence or place of business
can be made by mail or by telephone No
30. Any irregulsrity in delivery should
be Immediately reported.
Letters and kilograms should be ad-
dressed "ucRNING NEWS" Savannah.
Ga.
New York city. H. c. Faulkner. Manager.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18
where He Fell Down.

The young man drew himself up to his
full hight, says Judge.
II have" he cried, IAN unsullied char
acter an ardent heart, versatile mind,
and strenuous biceps."
The young girl yawned and seemed in
terested.
He was quick to push his advantage
81 am the possessor of a town and
country house, a yacht, stable of thor
oughbreds and a box at the opera"
She hesitated, and a slight flush be-
trayed that she was listening.
II have got" he continued with GER
tain ferceness, thirty servants, forty
pairs of trousers, fifty ancestors, three au-
ton1obiles six prize bull pups and an army
commission
All! she had found her tongue at last.
And how many golf medals?" she
nsped.
. The young man shuddered.
He felt that he had lost. He had played
nervily and high, but she was above his
limit.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18

One of the queerest Of the new "rell-
gion" mushrooms that have sprung up
in and around Chicago of late years is
that founded by "Dr." John Alexander
Dowie. IT is a sort of admixture of faith
cure. socialism and commercialism. Dowie
established a Zion" a few miles out of
Chicago, proclaimed himself a second Eli
jah, protested to perform miracles in heal
ing the sick, and set up several manu-
featuring enterprises run on the mutual
benefit plan. Dowie succeeded In acquir-
ing a considerable following. and a
church" property worth millions of dol
lars. Now there has come dissention into
Zion" Some OF the elders" declare
that Dowie is an old fraud; that he start
ed his religion" in order to get labor
cheap, and that he is looking after the
dollars only.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18
A RIVAL OF THE GOVERNMENT.

While political reformers are advocating
municipal ownership of public utilities and
government ownership of the railway
telephone and telegraph lines a company
has been started in Omaha, Neb.. in op-
position 20 the postoffice department. This
company carries only letters.
1t carries them for one half the rate
charged by the government, and delivers
them much quicker. Thus far it has con-
preparing to extend its business 20 all of
the larger cities of the West
That there is money in carrying letters
for one cent each there is no doubt. The
government could make money-a big
amount of tiff il carried nothing but let
ters. AS 1t is. there is big deficit in
the postoffice department every year. IL
costs a great deal more to carry second
class and third class matter than is re-
ceived from it.
The government has looked into the
business Of the letter carrying company
with the view of stopping its business,
but 1t found on investigation that it was
doing nothing Illegal If it should estab-
fish definite routes II would make itself
liable to prosecution. but 1T is probable
that 1t is well advised, and will take care
not to get into the clutches of the govern
ment
The postoffice department is greatly
stirred up over the matter. If che letter
carrying company should greatly extend
its business 1t would cut deeply into the
receipts Of the postoffice department. No
doubt there will be big fight in she next
Congress over the question of making GER
tain kinds of matter pay more postage.
The government cannot afford to have a
private company take away the only part
OF the postofiice business that pays a
profit.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18
INDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS

Special Notices-Savannah Building
Supply Company; Andrew Hanley Com
pany; 100 Mems Suits. at Collat's; Notice
of Dissolution. Bond, Harrison & Co; Mo-
tice. Allen Bond: Corned Beef. Nj. S.
Gardner; Scott & Davis; Get a Square
Meal at San Francisco Restaurant; Jas
j. Joyce; Mrs. Norre's Delicatessen; What
We Have for To-day. C. A. Drayton Gro
Gerry Co.; Ship Notice, Strachan & Co,
Consignees: Fine Lamb and Veal, John
Funk, City Market; Prize Drill With Sa-
Der, at Tybee Pavilion To-day; Notice to
Contractors, Hon. b. F. Alexander. Or
binary, Reidsville, Tattnall county, Geor-
sia-
Business Notices-Georgia Milled Water
Ground Meal, A. NJ. & c. w. West.
Auction Sales-Fine Tybee Lots, by c.
H. Dorsett, Auctioneer
To-day Saturday We Offer All Our
Ready -to-wear Goods at Special Prices
Eckstein & Co.
Sunday Excursions to Charleston-via
Plant System.
First Anniversary sale-At the Bee
Hive.
whiskey-Duffy's Pure Malt Whiskey.
Oil Cook Stoves-Palmer Hardware Co.
Mems Blue Serge Suits-The Metropoli-
tan Clothing Company.
Pubications-Smart Set for June.
Attractive Prices This Day--At Mum
ster's.
White Cottolene-N. X. Fairbank Co.
Grape Nuts Food-Postum Cereal Com
pany.
Financial-AIus- Chalmers Company.
Legal Notice-In the Matter of j. w
Parker Bankrupt
Hotels-Hotel Victoria. New York; An
nouncement, Hotel Tybee, Chas. F. era
ham, Proprietor.
Beers-Anheuser-B Busch Brewing Asso-
citation.
Watches-Waltham Watches.
Mineral Water-Hunyadi Janos.
Observation-Disclosures Liver and Blood
Syrup; DR.. Hathaway Company; hors-
fords Acid Phosphate; TUFTS Liver Pills;
Paine's Celery Compound.
Cheap Column Advertisements-Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent;
For Sale; Lost; Personal; Miscellaneous.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18

The beginning OF Chicago's career as
an ocean port was not suspicious. The
Northwestern, the first steamer 90 clear
from the lake city for Europe, had much
trouble in the canal locks, and finally
grounded in the St. Lawrence river, not
wlthstanding 1t was the most favorable
season Of the year for river shipping In
winter the navigation OF the lower St
Lawrence Is attended with many Difficult
ties and dangers, hence II it is so hard
TO get a ship through in the warm sea-
son, It will be much worse when the
weather grows cold The grounding of
the ship had led to demand for an ALL
American canal from the lakes to tide
water sufficient to float ocean-going craft.
but the chances are that It will be many
years before such canal is constructed.
The railroads are in the carrying bust
ness between the lake region and the
coast. and they viii not let Congress for
get IL.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18
A auestion OF Preference.

Walden was at the dinner the other
night, says the Saturday Evening Post.
He is a tall. thin, red bearded Yankee,
who looks more like Don Quixote than
any one has a right to look. To see him
side by side with Whistler is a liberal
education. We were talking of England
England" said Whistler rules the
world simply because the Englishman
takes what he wants.
We were rapidly losing ourselves in a
fog OF politics and natural psychology
when Mr.. Walden lifted part of his red
mustache and said: That's right, all
right"
1t was the first time ne had spoken
that evening, so we stopped our argu-
ments and listened. Calmly and slowly
he said: Il was down at Cernay last
summer-with Faulkner-painting You
know the little tavern there and the old
woman who keeps ID. There wars an
Engiishman there vino sat next to me at
table. Well the landlady gave us straw
berries one night for dinner. For a dol
lar day that was pretty good. The ser
want girl passed the stray berries around.
When it came to the EngAshman's turn
to help himself he emptied the whole dish
of strawberries on his plate. So l said
to him.
Say, my friend, 1 like Strawberries,
too
= Not so much as l do said my Eng
lishman, calmly, and went on eating"
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18
The Rnhhif,s Nnne.

Some light may be thrown upon the
rabbit and the wabbling of its nose. saws
the Norfolk Landmark. by the following
admirable jest which comes to us from
an unknown. but, evidently very intelll,
gent source:
In order to decide a long standing con-
troversy." said the squirrel. would you
mind telling me why you wabble your
nose?"
ITO show that I have something else
10 do with II besides sticking it into other
peoples affairs" frigidly answered the
rabbit.
We fear. however. that 4. this squirrel
was like its human imitators II didn't
see the point. Some people pay so much
attention to other peoples business that
they lose their own.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18

The police owe II to themselves. as well
as to the city, TO maintain better order
around the tabernacle in which the Revs.
Messrs. Jones and Stuart are holding
their meetings. 1t Is impossible for all
OF the attendants to get inside Of the
building. and there is usually q fringe
ten to fifteen feet deep around the out
side. Every night there has been
mouthy and restless element about the
building who do not care TO hear but
prevent other people from hearing what
Is being said. In addition there have been
ill-mannered youngsters both white and
black, playing hide-and-seek among the
crowd, setting dogs on each other, throw
ing rocks on the roof OF the tabernacle,
and otherwise making themselves nuis-
ances. All OF this reflects upon the good
intentions and efficiency Of the police de-
partment II should not be necessary 10
can attention TO this matter again
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18

Supposing senator Hanna, should consent
TO be a candidate for the presidency, what
would his platform be, ship subsidies
He is more closely connected with tnat
scheme than any other. Aud Il is not
likely that ship subsidies will ever get
through Congress. The recent purchase
OF great feet OF English ships by Amer
lean capitalists, and the consolidation OF
ship building interests, have convinced
the American public that the shipping IN
terests do not need government pap. Be-
fore Senator Hanna can become a candi.
date, therefore the main plank OF his
prospective platform will have become a
dead issue.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18
nEIIEF WORK IN JACKSONVILLE.

The Jacksonville Relief Committee Is
feeding between 5000 and 1900 people a
day. and it is evident that the relief
WORK will have to be kept up for large
part of the summer. The help the city Is
receiving is not nearly as much as 1t was
expected it would be. and not enough TO
prevent a great deal of suffering. or
course there are enough supplies and
money on hand to meet immediate de-
msnds upon the Relief Committee, but
unless there is a more generous response
to the appeal for assistance than there
has yet been, there will be many instances
of actual want within the next few weeks.
IL seems to us that Jacksonville made
a mistake Immediately after the fire IN
letting the impression get out that she
would not ask for aid. That was a cred
table position for her to take, but asst
turns out not wise one. She did not
know of course what the conditions would
be IN the course of a couple of weeks
did not know how completely thousands
of her citizens had been stripped of their
possessions.
heard from yet however, and many of
them have not been awakened to real
liza ton Of the magnitude of the disaster
from which Jacksonville is suffering. The
appeals which are now being sent out for
help will no doubt meet with a prompt
and generous response.
The standing of those who have charge
of the relief work is a guarantee that
whatever contributions are made will be
applied where they are absolutely need
ed. There will be nothing wasted or mis-
appropriated. The one eature of the sit
uation that affords some satisfaction Is
that very soon there will be a chance for
all who are able to work to earn some
thing. There will be vast amount of
building going on all the time until the
city is practically rebuilt.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18

The evangelical churches of Toledo, o,
are to form a trust. The plan has been
approved by the Pastors Union. The oh
ject is to economic force. concentrate eff
fort and present solid front against
municipal public and private evil. The
erection of unnecessary churches will be
opposed, and expenses will be reduced
wherever possible. 1t is believed that
every evangelical church in the city Will
enter the combination
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18


Gen MERCER of the French army prob
ably read the speech of Mr.. Balfour in the
House of Commons the other day with
mingled feelings of regret and self-re-
proach. Balfour said that towards the end
of 1899 there were in Great Britain only
$500 rounds of small-arms ammunition.
and no reserve artillery ammunition ex-
cept what was actually with the guns re-
tanned at home. Along about that time,
it will be remembered, Gen MERCER made
some observations with respect to how
easy IL would be for the French army to
invade England and capture London.
Why didn't he persuade the French army
to do it? The feat would have made him
famous, and France would have won glory
enough to last for ages Now the oppor-
tunity is gone, and it may never be re-
peated, for the hard-hesded Britishers will
see to it that they are not caught without
powder and shot again.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-05-18

In an address before the students Of
the University OF Pennsylvania. Senator
Depew the other night said. among other
things: Speaking from forty years ex-
perience / say. do not take political Of.
flee until you are independent Of it, There
is nothing so cruel as politics. The great
est misfortune that can happen to a
young man who has only character and
education and no capital for career is
10 accept Office