Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1901-02-14
THE WORMS TURNED.
Morals for Wives Who Fling House,
hold Chesfnuts at Their
Husbands.

1t was toward the wane OF the treacle
moon and the first week in which she
was trying to do the homework on ac-
count of that which comes sooner or
later in all homes-the sudden leaving
ri the servant. The breakfast was late
and not quite up to the recipes fur
nished by his maternal ancestor. In
an unguarded moment the young wife
remarked to her husband that he had
got up on the wrong side of the bed,
says the New York Sun.
1t was a very old way of calling him
down. He had heard it many time
when his father had neglected to hand
out bouquet because there was more
flour than Goldfish in the favorite morn
ing dish. For a moment the young
husband looked at the dregs which
floated on top of his coffee and then
the boast that he had made to his moth
er, that no woman should ever boss
him, returned. And he spoke as fol-
lows, to-wit:
at is quite likely that the chestnut
which you have flung with woman's
uncertainty is truer than you are will
ing to confess. Since you have been
making the beds, for the past week.
have noticed that the section of the
bed which you call the wrong side, the
same being that upon which / am sup
posed TO wrap what little drapery get
at night, has been unmade. The mat
tress hangs down, and the coverlets
are as gnarled as the vine under which
in a thoughtless moment offered you
my hand, my name, my fortune. 1t is
a wrong side, as you have denominated
il, and in getting out of it after hang
ing to it all night, confess that some |
of the angelic nature which inherited
from the only perfect woman l ever
knew has taken fight"
The glassware on the sideboard |
danced and the dear old motto: God |
Bless Our Home" worked by a grand
mother of the good old days whose
fingers have long been at rest, fell from
its hanging.
The moral Of this, the first swapping |
of the chords which bound two loving
hearts, is. that every young wife should
use a new club on her husband.
P. S.-The old wife might do likewise
to her great comfort If she would.
"You may not be conscious of IT," re-
marked another wife whose husband
had not bestowed upon the summer
jelly which her mother had sent, c. o.
D., as many compliments as he for
merly put in his letters before they
were yoked, "but l must say you are
becoming a crank"
He looked at his watch and saw that
he had 40 minutes to make the next ex-
press. Replacing the chronometer,
present from his father on his wedding
day, he fixed up the following choice
bit of language:
"A crank I suppose you think you
have fired the fatal arrow. But you
haven't. You have simply thrown a
dipped in honey. You have
admitted that l am bright, happy; that
/ am a scintillation; that am bon
mot; that ] am jeu d'esprit; that ]
am smart, ocular, jocose, epigram-
matte, sparkling, full of point, etc, ad
inhnitum. My compliments, madam"
Then he was gone.
Later she was looking over his IL
brary. She turned to the word in one
Of his books. As she looked over the
list of synonyms she bit her lip. Then
she looked at the fyleaf and found this
in her own handwriting:
This Thesaurus presented to my
husband on the first anniversary Of our
The point of this is, don't give your
husband ointment which contains fly.