Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-06-06

some in to Browni Brown has
laughed at the idea of my turning
farmer, and / shall make him laugh
On the other side of his facet"
It was early in April when Mr.. Per-
kins took possession of his estate.
and he set at once to work to get
things in trim.
He bought a horse and hired an
ITishman, and the two set about
pIoughing the ground for the early
vegetables. But the horse did not be-
lieve in early vegetables. He pre-
ferred to stand still and chew his bit
and stamp his forefeet viciously and
let the pillow rest in the furrow. Per-
kins exerted his powers OF persua-
sion, but all in vain. The horse only
planted his feet more firmly and de-
clined to move on. Then Perkins
tried the whip. The Irishman tried
profanity. The animal was proof
against both. Perkins took him by
the bit and offered to help him by
pulling with all his might at his head.
The horse declined the offer with
thanks.
The sun was hot, mosquitoes were
DICiItlIui anu dtIc11Utu SlIICtlN W
business. The neighbors gathered to
see the circus, and brought their dogs
with them. All of them-except the
dogs-gave some advice. A good deal
of it was tried and proved Intellectual.
At last Perkins got mad and INDUCED
in some forcible remarks. Mrs. Per
kins, with the baby in her arms, ap-
peared on the scene, and asked Per
kins what he thought of himself for
giving way so, and she asked him
where he expected to go when he
died, both of which conundrums
| only made him the madden.
"Prick his hind leg with a penknife,"
said an old teamster, who was pass
ing by with a load of fence-rails, and
climbed over the fence to see what
was going on. "Never knowed hat
to fail to start 'em."
And Perkins pricked the hind leg.
as directed. The effect was electrical.
The horse elevated his heels, gave Il
snort, and plunged off down the field
and Perkins went up in the air as If
shot from a pop-gun, and came down
in n ditch a rod off, and was hauled
ont by the crowd, half suffocated with
the muddy water. The horse kept
| right on till he came to a stone wall,
where he left the pillow and struck a
Decline for the barn of his former
owner, where he brought up all right
in due time, sweaty, but triumphant.
Perkins gave his original propri-
etor SO to take him back, and hired
his blowing done. He considered it
cheaper.
He bought some books on farming.
and worked by their instructions. He
did not take any stock in the advice
of the old hayseedy fellows who lived
around in hat vicinity; he believed
in science.
He planted his early beans and peas
and corn, and every day he went to
see if they were coming up. At last
he was rewarded by seeing the first
green shoots of the peas, and the next
day the ground began to crack open
and rise up, and 10, the beans ap-
peared!
But what was Perkins consterna-
ton to perceive that the beans them
selves-the beans he had planted
had come right out of the ground on
top of the shootsi
He told his wife about it. with great
distress of mind.
ct must be that I put too much
phosphate in the hill, and it has
blown them right out of the earth.
Now, those beans should nave stayed
in the ground for the plants to have
rooted in and got their nourishment
from. That's the natural way of
things. And all I can do is to set 'enl
out right side down; but it'll be n
tormented hard job!"
I'll help you," said the dutifnl
wife. ""We'n take it early in the
morning, while it is cool, and before
anybody gets around. I wouldn't let
Patrick know anything about it, if I
were you, for 10 might make him
have less respect for you. He would
think that you did not know how to
plant things"
So, in the early morning, Mr.. Per-
kins and his wife went out into the
field and began transplanting the
beans and sticking the bean end down
into the ground.
OF course, one can never do any
thing privately if one tries, and old
Farmer Jones cut across lots, from
driving oxen off to pasture, and came
down upon Perkins and his wife be-
fore they saw him.
"What in natur' are you two ado
ing?" asked he, turning over his quid
and adding a fresh morsel of tobacco
to it, by way of assisting his under
standing.
"My-er-ny beans had a little too
much phosphate in the bills," stam-
mered Perkins, 'and they came up
wrong end first, and we thought we'd
set 'em down right"
'Land of Goshen!" said Farmer
Jones Strange that folks can be
so t'arnal green! Why, beans alters
come up that way. Where have you
been all your life that you DOM
know beans?"
Mr.. Perkins never liked to heal any
thing about beans afterwards; but all
the old residents OF the Walnut Dell
farm vicinity always instanced him
when there was anything said about
the farming operations of city-bred
men. !
Perkins next invested in hens He
read a book on poultry which set
forth the advantages of hen farming
in glowing colors. A man could
realize So a year on each hen. so of