The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1901-06-06
The Grandmother Trick.
BY Charles Fleming Embree.
TRINITY THIN is the literal trans.

TRINITY THIN is the literal trans
Il lation of the name of Mr.. Theo-
philus Jagger's cook. A tiny, spas
modic, jerky man, with a face strained
into an habitual expression of corded
anguish; a gait swift, convulsive, and
a head full of schemes-such is the
American Theophilus. His history is
a record of wild theories worked out
to the fzzling point. Born in New
Jersey, he went to Japan to collect a
species of lichen, said to be worth
millions in the English market. He
collected carloads of it. then learned
that nobody in England or anywhere
else ever bought it. After this the
heart of Africa was gnawed at a
while by Jaggers, with reference to
some idea about ivory. They say he
took hold of an island away down in
the Antarctic regions, just this side
of the great wall of ice, in order to
grow a queer native fruit like a
pumpkin down there, out of which q
priceless perfume was going to be dis
titled. He himself tells that the
pumpkins froze, and he brings one
with him, dried, as a curiosity, and
displays it with ervou pomp. he
hurtled about Mexico for a few weeks,
seeking a location. Then he came to
Cuernavaca with some theory about
boiling sugar out of sweet potatoes,
and there is a man around the cor.
ner constructing a vat for him and
smiling into it as he constructs.
At chihuahua, on his way down,
Theophilus fell into conversation with
an old American resident. cts
wisest to keep house in this country
was the latter's advice. "Hire an In.
dian cook. But they're tricky, Now
one thing they always do when they
want a holiday: They tell you their
grandmother's dead"
Jaggers smiled that awful smile o!
his. and said he'd Elk 'em," and went
dashing away to the train.
At Queretaro a man in the seat be.
side him gave him further informa.
ton. 'Ycs, if you're going into bust.
ness, just keep house. It's easier
Now, I had an old cook with one eye,
But, say, if you get a cook, be a little
careful. They're tricky. Now, one
favorite ruse is to tell you their
grandmother's dead when they want
to go Off"
"Confound their grandmothersl'
calculated Jaggers, briefly.
In C~uernavaca, Jaggers wouldn',
stay at any hotel. He could not speak
Spanish, but that made no difference
He could put his mouth up at the ea1
of the addressed person and roar
hoarsely in English. "Blast EN-
they're stupid" ragged he. Spanish
is the ~blastedest language, anyhow
The hotelkeeper acted as Interpreter,
and helped him to rent a house. Then
he swung his legs over Jagger's bal
cony railing, in the afternoon sun,
and said: "Mr. Jaggers, you'll be
comfortable here. Just hire a cook
and take it easy. But watch these
Indian servants. You'll find 'em
tricky. Now one favorite scheme"
"Hold on!" said Jaggers; "you
mean the grandmother trick?"
"Did you know about it,"
I'm on to that. I'd like to see 'em
work their grandmothers off on me-
swore Theophilus Jaggers.
Jaggers bought two chairs, a hard
bed and some pottery. Then he hired
a cook.
Trinidad Delgado (Trinity Thin
here enters. She looked like an old
woman, but Jaggers is still puzzline
over that. Her face was keen, shrewG.
sharp like a steel tool, with fine old
thin-lipped regal mouth, and eyes that
pierced. She was slender and bony
Even in the stern, grand Aztec glare
OF her eyes was a something half visit.
full, half humorous.
Theophilus felt uneasily that he,
sub-consciousness was laughing al
him. "Can you cook!" roared he al
her ear i'll English.
Isl, senor," said she, not under.
standing a word, folding her hands.
"Well, say" Numbered he, bending
nearer and distorting his anguish.
ridden countenance, "I'm on to you,
tricks. I'm not green, do you hear
If I a gringo. Haw! haw!" This
seemed a reasonably good pun
though accidental. "Now I know the
grandmother trick. Don't you ever
'halting his fist, "come whining
round me about your grandmother's
eng dead"
Isl, senor," said she, with mild an:
'ignified manner, not v wondering
hat he was talking about.
Jaggers, ignorant of the country,
reed to pay ten times the regular
iges; for she, through an inter
cter, requested this sum meekly
thereafter supported Trinidad, L
ildren, two husbands, some yer,
1 ladies next door, an ice cream
ger Of her eldest son, and thre.
'armonious pigs who dwelt in he,
sc with the family. Besides, al
Nthe swine had funds wherewitl
isport themselves on Sundays.
ygers trotted spasmodicall,,
t; hitched at his trousers; lie
brain go whirling along, schem
With almost audible fury; studict
nish, jabbing at it and cursing it
Tired all about sweet potatoes
got the vat under way.
ter three months, during whic'
vat was always going to be don,
week, there came the days o
+iesta ,at San Anton. San Anto,