Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1901-09-27
THE UMBRELLA LANGUAGE.
characteristics as Shown by Way In
Which One Carries the Article.

The man who sat nearest the win
dow said he 9idn t mind the wet wealth
er. ut gives me chance to see how
PEOPLE carry their umbrellas, ''he said
Il have such firm faith in my umbrella
deductions that wouldn't be afraid
to choose wife with them for a guide 81
The woman on his left smiled.
| "l'm glad I'm not out there in the
street, she said. You'd be picking
out all the kinks In my disposition along
with the rest of them"
"Oh, " said the man, 81 sized you up
long time ago. You carry an um-
orella, when it's furled, just like
that woman across the street. You
grab it in the middle and go foYaging
ahead with the ends of the handle dig
ging into the unfortunate pedestrians
Who1geebefore and follow after''
sAnd what does that signify 2'' asked
the woman on the left.
''Alertness. activity, selfishness and
incOnsiderateness.''
"Um m," said the woman.
but just look at the third woman
in the procession" said the man. II
pity the men folks about her house.
I'll warrant they have to get their own
breakfast about six mornings out of
the seven. l never yet saw a woman
who dragged her umbrella along SO
that you could track her by the trail of
the tip who wasn't diIatory and shaft
less. She never sews on button, or
darns or mends,- and her breakfast
dishes are seldom washed before q
o clock.
THAT other woman who is hustling
along holding to the top of the UNI
brella handle like grim death and point
ing the top down and forward in kind
of south h-by-southwesterly direction is
altogether different. She would set
the world on fire if it WASH t water
logged. l am not sure that I'd want
to be married to her, either. She'll be
too energetic. She'd push everything
before her, and when she took notion !
to clean things up mere man would |
have nowhere to lay his head What |
she is good for is serving on commit
tees.
"That woman in the gray skirt is a |
nay sort of person. She wants
to agree with everybody and follows
led. Women who carry their
umbrellas with the point backward
and downback are always unassertive.
But just look at thatgirl who spins
along, swinging her umbrella around
in circle as if it were magic wand.
like her. She's jolly and good-natur-
I'D and gets more pleasure out of life
han 10 ordinary people. There's
carrying her umbrella swung
lcross her shoulder like shotgun.
She's true soldier of fortune and was
never known to say die. l can't think
If anything that would freaze her. y"
The man paused.
And what would you say" asked
he woman, 'about that girl who car
les her umbrella horizontally across
he small of her back and catches eth
+ end into the crook of her eIboW?"
''Well," admitted the man, ''she is a
lew one on me. l never met her be-
ore, but l wouldn't be afraid to wager ,
hat she is conscientious to a degree
nd has heart as big as all outdoors.
,ut here" he added, "comes the most
woman of the lot. She
uddles her umbrella protectingly un-
er her arm as if she doesn t want even
to get hurt in the crowd. That wo-
lan is gentle and thoughtful and kind. p" '
The Kansas City Journal.