The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1901-05-17

mother, used to make. She couldn':
equal this pie if she tried month
Georse H 'f this Hvf IS l %ade: and now"
Georges Wife-:That came from tho
bakers New York Weekly.
He pulled himself up at the hotel table.
tucked his napkin under his chin, picked
up the bill Of fare, and began to study it
French, and he didn't like it,
,h aers not Tatef ,n he said stern'y
dinner, sir?' inquired the waiter, po-
litely.
Have you got any sine qua non:''
The waiter gasped.
No, SIR he replied.
Got any bona-fde?'
| "\-nO, sir"
Got any semper eadem?''
NO, sir, we haven't"
"Got any jeu desRrits:"
No, sir, not one.'
! Got any tempus fugit?''
| Il reckon not: sir
| Got any soirees dansants?'
| NO, SIR
| The waiter was edging off,
Got any sine dep
We amt. SIR
Got any pluribus unum?'
The walters face showed some signs Of
intelligence.
Seems to me heerd of that, SIR" and
he rushed out to the kitchen, only to re-
turn en1pty-handed.
! Maybe you've got some beef and cab
bage and gooseberry tart?"
Sure we have, SIR exclaimed the
waiter, in a tone Of the utmost relief;
and he fairly flew out to the Kitchen
Tit-Bits.
\ writer in the Rochester Post Express
knew once of good old lady who when
she went visiting with her husband used
to carry her own tea with her for fear
that her entertainers would not have tea
of quite as fine quality as her husband
was accustomed to drinking at home
This unconsciously rude. self-centered at
titude is commonly regarded as an Eng
lish trait in this country. Many sayings
of visiting DEMONSTRATING some fine
specimens contributed by Matthew Ar
nold-are in circulation illustrating this
point. Some Of these are inventions, no
to Mr.. Arnold in connection with that
American speciality. buckwheat cakes
TRY one. my DEAR he said to his wife,
encouragingly. at the table of an Ameri-
can nos host; They're not hawf so nahsty
she-'How old is the baby now ?.' : : :
| He-"Fourteen months"
Have you picked out profession for
''Oh. yes; we're going to make doctor
| Of him. :
"A doctor! Why doctor:''
why, he always seems pleased when
he sees any one sick out his tongue.''-
Ionkers Statesman.
| -:O.-
Lite purning catches are appreciated
by a goo? many people. Here is an cid
| If father gave one of his sons 80
cents and the other & cents, what time
would It tc:
| The answer is. Quarter to two"
ARD nero is one Of more recent birth:
! II postmaster went into menag-
| erie and was eaten by one of the wild
beasts, wha. would be the hour?
| i.ertaps you'll have to think this over
little: Yet the answer is very simple.
1t is - L. NJ. Of course.
| And here is the latest vet:
| If guest at a restaurant ordered a
| lo6s'er an! ate it. and another guest
Md the same what would the latter's
telephone i,umber be?
1t would be "S-1-2."-Clevelanl
Leader.
|
lows down in the hotel buffet p .Thev
are members Of the Cndertakers' asso-
cation that is in convention: ..Well
! who are the young fellows who look as
though they had lost every friend?'
Members Of the University Glee club
Lovely Daughter-"Pa, Mr.. Nicefello
proposed to me last nj ght, and l referred
him to YOU
Pa-'.Well. really don't know much
ABOUT the young ma::;: and III have to
Daughter-''When he calls to see Won
ABOUT II, You are to receive him kindly
real fa;herly. remember-and help him
along all You can. until he asks for my
hand. and tnen You are to look alarmed
and talk about what an angel l am. and
how many millionaires and dukes and
princes I've refused; and then YOU are
70 reluctantly consent and give him your
| blessing.
,n s0h ILL., an n am I: But suppose don't,
II shall marry him just the same.''-
Tit-Bits.
Chimmy-"Don't yer wish yer had big
eyes, like dat Fauntleroy Van Gibbons
kid?' Billy-"Naw! He might be all
right in bein' liked by de wimnn, but he
through a nailhole in de baseball fence,
Philadelphia Record
The cheapest man / ever Knew said
the postman. His name was John
Smith, and he was cheaper than pins on
bargain day. He used to get letters
from his brother-in-law, and would omen
the envelope by holding it over a rea ket-
| tie. Then he would take out the le1-
| Ter and read it, write an answer. nut tn.
answer in the same old envelone and
seal 1t up again. This done no would
take~it to the postoffice explain that the
'etter couldn't possibly belong to MIN.
and,he didn't rwantato open another mans
| mail: OF course, as his brother-in-law,s
fve-day return card was on the on.
veiope, the postof11ce officials would senl
it back. -1ndianapolis Sun.
His Great Anxiety. -Athlete- Did
|-break--it, doctor?' Doctor-"I will be
plain with you. The arm is broken the
collarbone crushed, the skull is frac-
| tured-' .Athlete-.No. no, no: The-iiid
|-l-break- the" 'What?'' Rec
ord :''-Tit-Bits. 49,
Cassidy-sI heard a man the day saw
in tnot Adam an Eve. war Chineex..
Fmnigan-':Tut: tut! Shure annr-.,.