The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-01-05
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

they charge by the minute, you know
Philadelphia Press
.szvhat are you kicking about?" ex-
claimed the old calendar. Your life is
before you, while well, I'm nearly
THAT'S true replied the new one for
1901, and yet I cannot but be conscious
Of the fact that my days are numbered p
Philadelphia Press.
"Count. your family is of noble line
''of course. I tell you in our family
certificates which have been superan-
nuated for centuries '-Fliegende BIat-
ter.
Clara. an indoor flying machine has
been invented "
wen, you needn't get one, Clarence;
you break enough bric-a-brac now
Indianapolis Journal.
Your wffe's book is success. isn't
TT was. It has been out over three
months. Brooklyn Life.
TessI thought she was going to mar
ry old Gotrox.
Jess-She was, but she broke the en-
gagement
Tess-What for?
Jess-When she accepted him he told
her she had put new life in him.-Phila-
delphia Press.
The fortune teller told me that some
me and success in 1ife'
DO you suspect any one?''
Il can't decide whether it is our baby
or the cook. Chicago Record.
Years mellow a man"
That's SO; my memory's getting SO
bad that when a man does me a mean
trick the next time I see him I cant
think what it Was.''-Indianapolis Jour
nal
docs this climate agree with your
said the solicitous person
Very seldom answered the man of
serious fnien- I'm a professional wealth
er prophet. w sh1ngton Star.
Il always telephone John when we
have company, 50 he'll be prepared"
NGoodnessl If / telephoned William
he'd stay downtown. Chicago Record.
s'And what, asked the caller. in his
most ingratating tones, what did San
ia Claus put in your stocking, my little
grip
For moment she looked at him
through her dirninutiVe SpectacleS, then,
in a voice of mingled pity and indigna-
ton, she said: We no longer put Gre
dence in absolute tradition=nor was 1t
delicate Of you to mention that article
of feminine apparel" Gathering up her
copy Of Ibsen, she hurriedly left the
room.-Lippincott'
''Come down and have dinner with me
this evening" was the invitation of the
Coloradan to his friend from Harlem
who called on him at the Imperial yes
cant do it, old fellow was the re-
ply Sorry, but I have an engagement
to see Hamlet tonig hit.
That's all right was the response
Fetch him along; there's always room
for three at my table if the third ones
friend Times
Inquirer cat summer resort)-Why
don't you associate with that lady2
Mrs. Gotham-She lives at Harlem.
wen. what is the matter with that
other lady2''
Horrors! She lives in Brooklyn"
But you don't associate with the lady
behind her, either, and she lives on Fifth
avenue
She won't associate with me."-New
York Weekly
John Henry" said Mrs. Biekers to
her husband, 1T is time we returned the
Gilkinson's< call"
Il have no intention of returning it, .
said Mr.. Bickers.
Because I believe in returning good for
evil''-Detroit Free Press.
The reporter on the morning journal
gazed thoughtfully at his new baby. Il
was his first experience in this line.
MY dear" he said to the infants dot
ing mamma, my dear, have been selz-
ed with a sudden comforting thought
What is it. Whittington?'
1T has just occurred to me that if our
little girl grows up beautiful and accom-
plished.'
Yes"
'.And continue in my present en-
ployment."
YES
I'VE need not fear that we will ever
be called upon to give her up to any eff
fete wearer of 9. ducal cOronet. ''-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
Returns Does he get any returns
from his poetry2" "All he does GET
Philadelphia Evening Bulletin
The pubIic's strange ways often sadly
The man who to congress has gone.
It viii throw you bouquets in the earlier
And, aiasl throw you down later on.
Washington Star.
He cried for the moon
When a child at his birth.
He grew up, and soon
He wanted the earth
Philadelphia. Record.
He called her mouth a rosebud then
But, all, it makes him vince
To think they're married now, and it's
Philadelphia Press
Tho twere hopeless to rehearse
All thy praises in a verse,
Let this be verse to thee
Something could never be.
Life.
A wide world greets
A race well won
When time completes
His century run
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
All, boys, be careful how you act;
Think well what marriage bringsi
She's fancy now, then she'll be fact /
And facts are stubborn things.
Smart Set
Though I isn't very lucky,
I'll be thankful as I can