New-York tribune., 1901-01-05
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

The publishers OF 1.-The Cleveland World" issued
a paper last Tuesday purporting 20 give the news
of January 1, 20O1. The phonetic system of SPELL
ing Is used throughout this alleged twenty-first
century journal and among the leading news
articles are account OF the opening of COM
munication with Mars story OF the robbery Of an
airship express by bandits who frOze the messen-
ger to death with liquid air. description of the
execution of a ''murdres'' by vaporization and a
recital OF the discovery in the ruins of abandoned
Cincinnati of several barrels containing curious
foul smelling liquid labelled beer. Minor items
chronicle the intention of Mime. Sara Heart
burn TO make a farewell tour OF America, the
death Of a woman who once rocked George Wash
ington 10 sleep in his cradle and the fall OF work
man from the ninety-sixth floor of office build
ing.
,Terry-The landlord Of the Phllupp made good
thing out OF that banquet last night.
Slyshter goins TO make an after dinner speech.
Thinking about i worried slyghter 50 much that
dreaded the iniiction that II quite spoiled their
appetites.-(Boston Transcript.
The Rev. Oliver C. Miller who served as a chap
lain I'm the Philippines under General Tawton
says: The establishment of the canteen has done
much TO abolish those drinking places that so
quickly surround our army camps. by furnishing
only beer and mineral waters with ice and such
food as cannot be got elsewhere. In the Philippines
as in our own country. the saloonkeepers strongly
advocate the abolishing of the post exchange or
canteen. Our soldiers not wasting all our
money in carouSing, but many of them are depOSit-
ing with the paymaster good portion of their al
lowance. to be drawn the expiration of their
time of service. have little drunkenness
among soldiers throughout the archipelago
and only at one time there much in Manila
the time the volunteer army assembled i'm large
numbers to embark for the voyage home.'
piano said the man OF Of the I house a my aa"sh'ers
p,abos my % dear sir don't know ANYTHING about
. EXactLy. l want you 70 make il possible for me
10 lock the blamed thing up."-Philadelphia Press
rural Wesleyan minister sends TO 1.-THE Method
list Times of London. some startling evidence of
the religious Ignorance of little children In a
class of more than thirty children varying i'm age
from seven 70 fifteen not one boy or girl had ever
heard of the parable of the Prodigal Sonl In an
other spot i'm that neighborhood he asked about
the same parable. and he found that there were
three boys who knew something about it, but the
rest. including girls of seventeen were abso-
lutely Ignorant of it.
Mr.. Binks (whose invalid wife insists on board
nothing viii improve woman's health like sveeg
ing baking. bedmakins, dishwashing and polish
Mrs. Binks.Huhl You know very we'll YOU never
(New-YOrk Weekly ~ i ! III sieA'-
Signor Br'gnoi once agreed TO sing n solo an s,t
Agnes's Church. in this city He came in late and
after divesting himself of many COVERINGS tum-
bling over music racks and exasperatng the choir
by trying his voice. he came TO the conclusion
that he was ready BY this time however the
sermon had commenced but Brignoli unabashed
leaned over the choir railing and tried TO attract
the attention of the preacher by shaking his head
and sesticulatins wildly. AT last he yelled out
In voice that reached every of the church.
Me ready Tor ze sing. Stoppe preach! Stoppe
ze preach!' And the priest actually cut the SER
short in order TO accommodate the imnatiant
tenor. whose voice now rang out with such feryor
as to thrill the worshippers and justify the sac
riice.
A New Years Prcgramme.-''weu" remarked
Mr. Joiltweil, Il suppose you going 10 make q
lot or good resolutions for the new year"
no. m not. answered Sirius Barker with
lot OF bad ones.'' 0 p"
That's an unheard of proceeding
Yes Its an idea of my own. am as suc-
cess1ul IN breaking my bad resolutions as i have
been IN breaking my good ones, I'll manage 10 ha-
come a pretty high toned and estimabla citizen
tWashngton Star. -