Evening star., 1901-09-14
AN UP-TO-DATE BABY

We'll" remarked the doting youns
mother Of her first. chucking the infant
under the chin, this is the day when the
pittie little sing gets its picture tooken!'
Her husband, who was reading the paper
at the breakfast table, gave deep groan.
He had long looked forward TO this in
evitable day with feeling of dark misery,
not unlike that which he had experienced
as small boy when he was due to get a
military scrubbing at the hands of his
strong-armed visiting aunt.
Nicholas" said his wife, reproachfully.
hearing the groan, II am surprised at you
deed l am! actually believe that you are
not one bit interested in babyr'
Forget it, said he. But it's such a
job. Can't you gimme extension? 1
mean can't you wait while-about four
teen years, say?'
'Nich-o-las"'
''Oh. all right" sad he. wretchedly. Go
ahead. Assemble the gang. If it's got to
come off today. We might as well get it off
our hands and be done with it. That 8
right"-as the pittie little sing began to
howl-'now's the time to begin bellering.
I'll bet eight dollars he'll keep it up with
out break until 7:20 this evening. Oh
my!"
The doting young mother looked prop
eriy shocked. but she was too busy think
Ing over the plans for the days besiege-
ment of the photograph gallery to say any
thing In reply.
She Immediately set about to put the
plans into execution. She got the bottles
together in neat little stack Then she
put the finishing touches to the infants
new cap. Then she spread the 976 differ
ent garments dhese are her husbands fig
ures, and exactness Is not claimed for
them) which the baby was to wear out on
the bed. Then she assembled the bunch
of rattles and brides and teeth rings and
things which were to keep the baby di-
Meanwhile the infant continued to yowl
without break, and it's father patroiled
the dining room floor, wondering IT, after
all, the fellows that hadn't
However, his ifes young sister was the
first to arrive, for the event had been look
ed forward to with joy by all Of the wo-
men of the family for more than month.
Then the doting young mothers granite
faced aunt (who didn't particularly APP
prove of the infants father) made her APP
pearance. Then the fond young mothers
mother walked in and, hearing the baby
crying, inquired in an audible, hoarse whis-
per If the baby's father had been deliber-
ately sticking pins in it.
The procession moved along toward IL
o'clock In the morning upon the photogra-
piers works. First the granite-faced aunt
with the baby, which was bawling for all
1t was worth with nary a tear in it's eye;
then the baby's grandmother, looking very
stern and responsible; then the doting
young mothers young sister. picking up
was throwing to the four winds of heaven
in it's wrath; the the fond young mother,
side by side with her gloomy mustache-
twisting spouse. In this order the outht
swooped upon the studio OF the photosra-
pher.
"Teentset weentsey little sing!' said the
pnotogra pher, pinching the bawling baby's
cheek, before setting about to get ready.
Does 1t just owe to have it's pictoor
took?"
''Wow-oop" yowled the baby.
The entourage Of the young one spread
themselves about the studio, the photo
grapher appeared with the plates In the
holder, the baby
But-one moment.
If the writer of this narrative were a
servile follower in the footsteps Of the but
ton-breakers and seam-bursters who per-
form the Historically humorous stories for
the Illuminated weekly comic press, this
would be about the point at which he
would describe how the young one began
to yell in such manner that the cop pass
ing in the street below appeared to warn
the photographer that the noise would
have to stop; and how the granite-faced
aunt and the baby's gran'ma and the dot
ing young mothers young sister and the
doting young mother herself took turns in
dardling the young one, and pointing to
the skylight, and making the rubber birdie
sing. and shaking the rattles, and coochey-
cooling, and rock-a-bye -babying, and Look
at auntie-ing!" and on; and how the
baby continued to shout at the top of it's
lungs, in spite of all the coddling, and how
it's nose got red and its cheeks blistered
from the tears; and how, when the almost
insane young dad asked to be allowed to
hold the child, all Of the women glared at
him as if he had designs upon his Off
springs life; and how the photographer
tore his hair and 'tpittie little sing-ed' al
ternately; and how, the baby continuing
for an hour and twenty five minutes to yelp,
the young dad was reduced to the neces-
sity of cussing, which drove his poor
iPa 70 +oor y,1 fr To-, 1oxx,
and granite-faced aunt-bymarriage to
wrath and his young sister-in-law to visi-
BILE scorn and how, at length, all Of the
women pounced upon the photographer
and told him that he didn't know his busi-
ness and that he ought to be engaged in
the piano-moving industry instead Of at
tempting to take the portraits of sweet
young children; and how, finally, the en-
tire outfit picked up their doll rags, so to
speak and marched out without having
the babys snapshot made, leaving the
photographer gnawing his nails, the pic
ture Of despair.
But this writer has been induced by
strong conscientious feeling to forswear
following In the abject wake OF the button
breakers and seam-bursters Of the comic
supplements. Far be 1t from him to take
any credit upon himself for the same, but
such Is the fact. Therefore he respectfully
ventures to set down the fact that just as
soon as the baby saw the photographer
make his appearance with the plates in
terested in the game that he abandoned
his crying instantly, and that the baby's
expression of inexpressible grief was i'm
mediately replaced by one of the most in
tense happiness. which gave every dimple
in the baby's sunny face chance to get
to the surface, and that all during the time
the photographer was getting the focus the
baby lay back in the nice. big, soft chair
and goo-gooed delightedly; and that SO
merry and quiet was the baby that the
ratt1es and teeth rings and rubber brides
weren't brought into requisition at all; and
that all Of the members of the party drew
nearer to each other over the tremendous
success of the undertaking and the little
trouble 1t caused: and that when they got
the proofs the next day they all but Rugged
each other over the beautiful workmanship
of the artist which caused. the baby to
look just like nice fat little Cupid, lean
ing on a cloud.
It Is only about once in a million times
that the broad-gauge funny persons of the
Illuminated supplements get within fifteen
or twenty leagues of hitting the occur
rences Of everyday life just as they act
ually occur.
An Emperor for England.
From the Saturday Review.
There was certainly at one time in this
country strong objection to the acceptance