The Independent. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1895-1905, 1901-07-12
AIDES Modern Fables


Handle the Lady Of the House.
81 was a Missionary in China he
said. "The Boxers got away with
my Wife and three Children My
ticket ran out at the Sandwich Is
ands aud [ had TO swim the rest Of
The Way. am now working to
ward Altoona, where my People are
in The Ice Business"
I IL don't believea Word Of it" she
said, in vii herring Tones
81 knew you wouldn't, so l didn't
take any Pains with it," said he. 81
suppose | would have got the same
kind Of a Bump il l had been
Flood Sufferer or Victim OF the
Trusts. | fnd that / he New Woman
can no longer tie got at by crud-
Fiction. Since your S x bryan 10
learn the Ropes you won't telieve
anything Man tells you You are
all from Missouri and they We got to
show you. Perhaps you have seen
tae joke in tho Rsiubow Weekly
about the easy House wife who
waeps at my Hard Luck Story aud
gives ma Suit Of Il .lievers belong
ing to his Nobs and then M axes me
wrap up a few paragraphs OF Lunch
and take along with me. | am
huntington her, but | never fad her
except when / am smoking. But
every Day l come across the One
that hands me a few Statistics to
prove that there is a General de-
mand for Labor, l ask for Hand
Out and get a Hom!ly. Lovely
Woman has begun to Post herself
on Industrial Conditions and she is
no longer Workable. Conse quently
[ am starving here in q Land of
i Plenty. The kind Brakemen per-
NIT me to ride on the B ind Bag
gage or sit up on Gondola, where
the Coal is nice and Soft, but when
| | alight at one Of these Towns
where they have Milk Cans stand
ing around and go, out to tease
about fstful Of Chow, | encounter
Mrs. Foxy CUTLER, who reads the
Ten Cent Magazines, and | get
nothing but language. Last Night
[ hal to Flop in the little red
knowledge Box down at the corner.
1t was that or Pound my Ear on the
dewy Turf. Today my Digestive
Apparatus probably thinks that my
Throat has been cut. And yet,
when come here and begin to hint
around about Solid Nourishment, 1
can see by the Minerva Clean in
your Eye that you are going to give
me that old Gag about saving
Cord OF Wood"
SPY the sweat of"-began the
Lady OF the House.
II know the Quotation 'front.'
wards and backwards" said the
Tourist. at is the perennial Stand
By of all the Shingles who want me
to do ST 10 worth of Toll for a plate
OF Cold Vittles that is no longer
good for anything but Hash. If
aver l am aumiliated into Working,
[ won't take my Pay in Sweepings
from the Breakfast Table, and that's
90 idle Bar Room Jest. | will join
\ Union aud compel the likes of you
to pay me Sd cents an hour for
lighting my Pipe. But | cannot go
10 Work Y,u have heard of the
Unemployed. We'll, am one OF the
Disemplc yed, The Unemployed are
aot working aud the Disemployed
are under Contract never to come
down to it. don't dare to accept
a dob or | would efface the most
picturesque Type Of our Times aud
one that is a constant Inspiration to
the Vaudeville Actor. Besides, /
am tn Ouly S lpport of an Army of
Editorial atd Space writer's who get
Good NJ pney for their Stuff about
the Tranp Problem"
Il hadn't thought of that" said
The Lady OF the House. 81 will
broil you Steak and then write a
Paper about you for our next Club