The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-01-06
SMART SHORT STORIES.


A London newsbay, who is accustomed
to shout Extras" every evening, recent
ly had a very bad cold and became
hoarse. Feeling himself at a disadvan-
tage, he carried large card in front
of him, on which he had roughly written:
Hush Noise is a nuisance! / can't
shout my extras, but I have them all
the samer' 1t did not take the boy long
to sell out his stock of papers to the
grateful passers-by.
The late Charles <eene, the artist of
Punch, used to describe, with a great
delight the method of a certain man
whom he called "a pot-house Ruslin."
This person was sitting with a friend in
an inn parlor, and was haranguing the
other man on matters in general. Final
ly the friend ventured mildly to inter-
pose an objection. The speaker drew
himself up with much dignity. 81 amt
a-arguing with you" He said, I'm a.
telling your
In his volume on Ellen Terry, Clement
Scott tells of Somewhat self-satisfed,
Vain-glorious, and grumpy actor WHO
complained thakhthessaeted English act
reSs contisdally laughedN in one of his
most important scenes. He had not the
courage to tell her of his objections. so
u
complaint in which he said: 81 am ex-
tremely sorry to tell You that it is i'm
possible for me to make any effect in
such and such scene if you persist in
laughing at me on the stage, and so
spelling the situation. May [ ask Won
TO change your attitude as the scene
IS a most trying one?' Miss Terry's an.
sWer was very direct and to the point,
Ior SIZE wrote: You are quite mistaken
L never laugh at you on the stage. l
wait till get home!''
The Westminster Gazette gives Some
interesting information concerning the
use OF tobacco by the clergy in different
rehglous bodies. John Wesley it says,
forbade his preachers to smoke or
chew tobacco, or take snuff This rula
still obtains in the WESLEYAN ministry
Thackeray- hoped the day would come
when he would see a bishop Iolling out
the Athenaeum with a cigar in his
mouth, or at least pipe stuck in his
shovel-hat He did not live to see this.
but the bishop Of Manchester has pub
Hciy proclaimed the virtues of tobacco
as bond of sympathy between man
and man. AT your idol again, Mr.. Hail.
exclaimed lady once on discovering Mr..
Robert Hall, the celebrated divine. with
a pipe in his mouth. Yes said the
preacher, burning it, ma'am.'"
Now that Mark Twain has come back
to the United States to stay. his old
friends out West are telling some; new
stories OF his experience in that country
IN the Cos. One of the most amusing
is an account of Marks famous duel at
Virginia City, the details of which have
never before been printed says the Chi
cago Tribune. Mr.. Clemens was then
working as a reporter on the Territorial
Enterprise the leading newspaper of 'Vir-
ginfa City. =
One day there came to the town a
Miss Wheeler .a%beautiful young woman,
with whom the entire male population
of Virginia. City promptly proceeded -
fall in love- One of the most prominent
men of the town was Judge Baldwin,
f1re-eating Eirginiap, who was. nearly
so years ehi4 MARK Twain saw Miss
Wheeler, In bridal attire, walk into the
International hotel one afternoon with
Judge Baldwin, and Jumped to the con-
clusion that she was. going to marry the
old man. He said so in his paper, and
comforted the other men of Virginia
City by saying that the '.bridegEooHn al
ready had one foot in the grave, with
the other a-efose second. u Judge Bald
win challenger him to as duel. Pistols
were chosen as the weapons, though the
judge was@a. good shot, and Mark Knew
nothing about firearms. = On the ap-
pointed m6TnfHg~ Mark and his second,
Steve" ellis, dead shot, were early
on the scene. ellis wasstrying the re-
volver and finally fired at robin. fully
so feet Distant His bullet took the
birds head Off and he went forward to
pick up the body, after handing the re-
volver to Mark Twain. Just as ellis
picked up the <decapitated bird. Judge
Baldwin and his party came over the top
of a little hill and saw him. They looked
first at ellis holding the headIess bird
and then at Twain holding the smoking
pistol
THAT was a good. shot" said one Of
BaldWfn's seconds.
yes answered ellis, ct doubt if there
is as good a shot in the country as
Mark"
Immediately Baldwin's seconds propos-
ed a compromise. An apology from
Judge Baldwin was promptly accepted.
steve said Mark Twain, as they
walked home together. poor cock robin
was the only one that got hurt in that
due4"
The late Sir Arthur Sullivan had a
good story about Sir f.. Gore-Ouse1ey,
Oxford professor, who could talk nothing
but music, relates the Newcastle CEng)
Chronicle. ''Sin" Egerton Gord Wflton)
invited him to dine at the Life Guards
mess, and OuseleS sought to entertain
them with the humorous points in the
degree Exercise :, of an > unsuccessful
candidate The. officers, of course, did
not understand word. Ouseley con-
tinued:-
land you'll scarcely believe me, colo
mel, when I tell you. that the whole move
ment was in the hypomxolydian mode"
.'Bless my SOUL replied the colonel,
''you don't say sou
''It.s a fact gravely said Ouseley..
Representative Clayton, of Alabama,
recently told this story on himself, says
the Baltimore News: 4 was govern
ment revenue official down in my state,
and when 1 started in [ wanted TO make
a record. hauled an old fellow into
court for selling meonshine whisky.
When I got him on the stand l asked
him plump out -Fe
Did you ever make any moonshinee
whisky?'
1.-THE old man looked at me with, tears
in his eyes. Henry. he said, I knowed
your father, andezhe never would have
asked me no such question as that.
ST let him go, -