Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1901-06-27
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GOOD
Short Stories

Henry l. Clapp. in company OF
good fellows. once said OF well.known
editor who was constantly inpressing
people with his own Importance; Yes,
he Is self.made man. and he worshlps
his creator"
Thackeray, anxious to enter Parlia.
meut, stood for oxford, thinking he
might win the seat from Lord Monck.
who then represented il. Meeting his
opponent In the street one day, he
shook hands with him. had little talk
over the situation, and took leave Of
him with the quotation: MAY the best
man win" II hope not" said Lord
Monck. very cordially, with a kind
little bow.
In a little Western town the other
day the most popular citizen soundly
whipped tough character, and to vim.
Iiicate the majesty Of the law the Of
fender was brought up for trial. The
jury were out about two minutes,
"Well." said the Judge, what have the
jury to sayl" MAY It please the court, I"
responded the foreman. 1--WE. the jury.
find that the prisoner Is not guilty of
hlttin' with intent to kill. but simply to
paralyxe: and he done It." The verdict
was received with applause and the
prisoner received an ovation.
Senator Vest Of Missouri tells OF a
mass meeting once when certain res
olution was discussed for several
hours. Finally one OF the delegates be-
gan a speech which wandered all over
creation. Some one interrupted him
with the remark that he ought TO con-
fine his remarks to the resolution.
Yes" said Judge Phillips, who was
presiding, "the gentleman must speak
to the resolution" "Let us have the
resolution read" suggested some one
In the meeting. Judge Phillips stopped
down and whispered to the absent
minded secretary. Read the resoiu'
tion," he said. "HmT querled the Sec
retary. waking up; what resolution?
"The one we have been discussing for
several hours" replied Judge Phillips.
The resolution was hunted for high and
low, but could not be found. On the
secretary's desk there was bit OF
paper which looked as IL II had been
nibbled by a mouse. 1t was all that re-
mained Of the resolution. The absent
minded secretary had eaten the rest.
During one of his expeditions In the
Philippines. the late Gen. Lawton came
across the trail of party Of Filipinos,
which he followed for several days with
small body of troops. One day he and
his staff reached the top Of small emf.
nence and saw a river stretching be-
low them but a short distance ahead
Turning to one Of his aids. the General
said: Lieutenant, ride ahead and see
IL that river Is fordable." The Lieuten
ant put spurs to his horse, and soon en-
tered the river. A few feet from shore
the bottom shelved of suddenly and
the horse was soon fioundering in deer
water. The Lieutenant disengage6
himself and swan to the shore, which
the horse also reached In a short time
After a brief chase, to the amusement
of the General and the stan, the hors,
was recaptured, and. mounting him
the Lieutenant rode back. His KHAKI
uniform was soaked and bedragglet
and the water spurted from the tops
of his military boots at every jump oI
his horse. Riding up to the General
he grayely saluted, and said: Il have
the honor to report, sir, that the river il
not fordable." LawtOn looked at hin
a moment, trying to maintain the dig
nifty Of his position, but the situation
was too ludicrous for him. He bursI
into hearty laugh in which the staf
joined at the expense Of the young
lieutenant, who, however. tells the
story on himself.