The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1901-07-26

THROW EN- DOWN. WIDOW, AND THROW
EN- HARDr
eral the administration, the United
States and the constitution and anoth-
er TO ask my advice as a private indi-
vidual representing nothing In particu-
lar Let her go"
you won't say a word 10 nobody|
''Not to a living soul"
'Nor laugh at meY
"Not even a grin"
"Then i could get married to six diff
ferent men If / wanted to-"
Gee whiz, but you don't tell me-
"Its fact, Abe, and ! wanted your
advice about it. l put an advertise
ment In The Matrimonial Guide few
weeks ago, and l got over 80 answers.
Six different men fell in love with me
before they had read the advertise
ment half through. Three OF them have
never loved before and they can't eat
or sleep for thinking of me. The other
three are widowers, and, while they
can eat and sleep, l am never out Of
their thoughts What shall do about
it, Abe? l can't marry the whole six,
you know"
''They all love you"
"They do"
"And you love them"
-yes-that is guess I love one as
much as another. I've tried to make
up my mind, but l can't"
"Widow Taylor" said l as l noticed
her blushing cheeks and dimpled chin,
"why in grass didn't you give me a
hint that you might be persuaded to
marry again.
How could II" she asked rs she
hung her head"
"Mebbe you CoU'dn't being that you
are hardly more than a young gal, but
If You had ii would have been a heap
better It's not too late as it is, how
ever. Go right into the house and set
down with pen and ink and give them
six men the marble heart. Throw 'em
down, widow. and throw 'em hard"
But how can / do it, Abe? How can
1 wreck six human lives"
"You can do il because you've got to.
I've got a cousin who's just come out
here from New Jersey. He's a widow
er with $4,000 in cash and q patent
washing machine that sells like hot
cakes He's gentle, loving, big heart
ed. and he's able to take a bridal tour
to Niagara Falls. I'll send him out
here Sunday. and he'll fall in love at
first sight and ask you TO be his'n
within two hours. He won't want you
for your farm, and you won't want
him for his $4,000, but it will be for
yourselves alone"
ooh, Abe, but you are so good" she
said as she looked Up with clasped
hands.
'It's my business to be good. widow.
Run along now, and wreck six human
lives
won't it be awfulY
"Not O bit. Just slaughter 'em one
by one as calmly as If you was club
bling frogs, and then curl your hair and
get ready for Sunday. That's all, wild
ow, and no thanks are due me. Al
ways willing to oblige and always have
a relative or two on hand who are on
the lookout for good thing"
knew that Farmer Winters had
been laid up with rheumatism, and |
didn't expect TO see him, but he was
out at his letter box as l drove up, and
after l handed him his mail he said:
'Abe, have you had any private talks
with Mr.. Mckinley latelyT
''Not very lately. We've both been
purity busy, you know"
"Do you expect to see him soonT
-In few days, guess"
az hope you will. You know Joe
Smallman, over on the crossroads, Of
course? I've always thought he was a
decent man, but two weeks ago his
dog killed one of my sheep, and he re-
fused to pay for it, said the wool of
the sheep got in his dogs teeth and
prevented him from biting tramps. /
threatened n lawsuit, and what d'you
spose he's doing nowT
''Can't say, I'm sure"
''Well. he's going all over the town
ship telling people that I'm down on
William Mckinley and intend &c bolt
the ticket, and he's made some folks
believe it. Abe, did you ever hear the
likes of thatY
ct never did"
1.-THE idea that I'd be down on the