The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-01-10
sMART SHORT sroR1Es.

drinking whisky. Judge Spruance, who
was sitting to the right of the chief JUS
tice, interposed and said: THAT is not
the unanimous charge of the court
Dr. Stubs, the bishop of Oxford, was
once importuned by a woman who, know
ing his experience of the Holy Land,
kept on asking him what places she
ought to visit as she was starting on
trip to Palestine. After answering topo-
graphical questions without number, he
was again asked: But, really, what
place would you advise me to go tor"
ITO Jericho, madam, said the bishop,
sweetly.
The desire Of the Inhabitants of Sing
Sing to change the name of the town re-
calls q somewhat similar desire on The
part of the inhabitants of the town CT
Rugeley, Eng, to a correspondent OF the
New York Times. A man named Palmer
had made Rugeley notorious by an afro
cfous murder, and a deputatfon of the
inhabitants waited on the home secretary
with petition for leave to change the
name. The minister hestated and asked
what name they proposed to substitute.
They replied that they had not decided.
What do you say" said he, "to taking
my name?" They expressed their I'M
qualified delight, and obtained the home
secretary's consent to this method Of OBJ
literating the memory Of the obnoxious
Palmer. The home secretary in question
was Lord Palmerston. The town is still
known as Rugeley
when I was in Springfield, Abraham
Lincoln and Gen. Baker, who was killed
at Leesburg, Va, during the Civil war,
made the race for the Wing nomination
for congress" says DR.. d. B. Hill. Both
were Wings, and both were keen for the
nomination. Both had a strong personal
following, and if both ran the Democrat
would win in the district So a primary
election was necessary to settle the con-
test. Baker won. Both men were at
Springfield when the news came. Lin
coin was depressed. The crowd, to cheer
him UP, called on him for a speech Get
ting up he said: Gentlemen, I'd like TO
comply with your request, but l can't
make a speech now. 1 expected to re-
cefve the nomination, but L failed If
had Won l know Baker would have got
up here and SO charmed you with his
eloquence as to make you believe you had
dene him favor by nominating me.
But L can't do it,.
In the recent campaign, the editor of
the Fairfax, Mo, Forum was nominated
by the Democrats for justice CT the
peace. This is the way lie announced the
fact in his journal: 1.-The Office was not
sought after by US, neither was it forced
upon US. There's no mistaking our quail
flcatton--we know about as much law as
brass monkey. But cur friends said
they We're looking for some good, honest
man to make the race. In the face of
such an indirect compliment, how could
we refuse? In race for Office we would
be monumental fizzle. We wouldn't
ask man to vote r0r us if he'd give us
half dollar. Our opponent is NJ L.
Bear. Hess an honest man. too. But
he's well fixed financially, and don't need
the four to five dollars a year that's in
the Office. Neither of us will make an
active canvass for votes, so you fellows
who expect to smoke our cigars, drink
oJr whisky, and have fun at our expense
will get left
Max Kalbeck relates in Der Lotse of
Hamburg the mishaps Of Brahms when
he was on the way to attend the funer al
Of his dear friend, the widow of Schu-
mann. The telegram announcing her
death was sent to Vienna and thence for
Warded to him at Ischl by mail. He found
that he would just have time to reach
his destination by taking the Orient
Express and changing cars at Wells On
the way he fell asleep and went too far,
SO that he had to wait all day at Linz
FOR an ordinary train to Frankfort
purchasing paper, he read that the
funeral would not be at Frankfort. but
at Bonn, and that it had been postponed
on his account. So he took the night
train at Frankfort and arrived at Bonn
In the morning just in time to change his
clothes and join the funeral procession.
L was fearfUlly nervous and veSed' he
declared TO a friend afterward: At only
wonder that 1 did not have a stroke Of
paralysis
Maj. Henry A. Newman, the Missouri
ex-Contederate, who did considerable
stump speaking during the recent cam
paign, was che of those who could SPELL
bind on all other issues better than he
could on the paramount. One day Mai
Newman was down at Poplar Bluff
preaching Missouri Democracy pure and
undefiled in his best form, but refra ming
from any discussion of 1.-THE haul-down-
the-fiag" proposition. Among the
majors auditors was an interested Irish
man who marked the omission. and at
several points interrupted him by asking.
How about the Phillirayins?'' Mai.
Newman paid no attention to him at first,
but when ne persisted he said: ''My
friend, I'll tell you about the Phillipay-
ms. The imitation of the bregue was
perfect and everybody chuckled. s'TI
tell you, confidentially, what I'm in
favor of doing with the Philippians; I'd
trade the philippians to Great Britain
for Ireland, and then we could raise our
M. Dolfus says in his book. 'eModeles
q Artistes,' that Victor Hugo never
sat for any Of the popular portraits
and photographs which were in great
demand during the later years of his life.
Doifus claims that they were not por-
traits or hugo, but of a crayon-seIler of
the Latin quarter, who bore a striISfne-
resemblance to the great author. The
substitute earned good income by pos
ing for these portraits, and the resem
blancc Incidentally brought him other
benefits He was largely responsible for
the common rumor that it was Victor |
Hugos custom to ride in cheap public |
conveyances, even in the coolest weather. |
and to permit his admirers to pay his |
cents fare. In the evening the crayon- |
seller frequented the cafes and accepted
treats from credulcus persons. who |
bcasted next day of their familiarity with |
the poet In this way the impostor salts |
fed his thirst for wine and fame at small |
expense. But, alas! Victor Hugo died, |
and with him went his doubles reflected !
glory.
The kaiser recently perpetrated a Joke |
on Herr Won Buelow over which all Ger |
many Is still laughing. While in an ex- |
pansive mood, he asked Herr Won Bue- /
low how all things considered, he liked |
ms new berth az chancellor. Won Bue- |
low replied that bleSt indeed was the |
chancellor who had such an emperor |
but. But what?" said the kaiser. |
The office of chancellor, Won Buelow ex |
was all his fancy had ever |
painted 1t, but the chancellor's palace |
Was-well madame thought that a years |
spring cleaning would hardly make the |
place ha6itable; as a matter Of fact 1t |
required redecorating bith within and !
without. "Give nv commitments to mad |