davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1901-09-11
lss7THE SUN 1900
The Paper OF The peop'e, For The PEG pie
And With The People.
II nest In Motive. Fearless in Express on,
Sound In Principle.
BALTIM OR E, MD

anu WI nc tOplc.
II nest In Motive. Fearless in Express on,
Sound In Principle.
A newspaper Is an educator; there are all
kinds Of educators, but the man who spends
money judiciously and literally is etter able
to impart his knowledge than the man who
has little or nothing to spend
THE Sun is the highest tipe OF news-
paper.
TIE Suns special correspondents throgh-
out the United States, as we'll as In Europe,
South Africa, China and, In fact, all over
the world, mahesit an up-to-date newspaper
The Market Reports and commercial fea
lures put the farmer, the merchant and the
broker In close touch with the markets at
Baltimore, Norfolk, Charleston, New York,
Chicago, Philadelphia and other places which
are prominent centers.
From now on the news OF the world prom
ises to be more interesting than ever before
and national and political questions will
arise, making probably the most eventful
period In the country's history.
This, together with the corps OF editors
and reporters at Baltimore, Washington and
New York, make THE Sun invaluable TO It's
readers.
By mail, fifty cents month; six months.
SO; one year, SO.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1901-09-11

Pullman Sleeping Cars from Clifton For
to Cincinnati Louisville and ST. Louis.
Trains Arr ieLexinTgCn
8 10 a m daily from Lynchburg.
IL 40 p. m. daily except Suncay from CIif
ton Forge.
q 25 p. m. daily from Richmond ard
Lynchbuig.
For rates, tickets, and other infOIn ali, n
apply to s. o. CAMPBELL, City Ticket
| Agent.
JOHN d. POTTS, Asst. G.PA.
Richmond. Va
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1901-09-11
BA1r1noRn MT nnkLr Yus.
THE BEST FAMILY PAPER.

All the news OF the world In attractive
form; an Agricultural Department second to
none in the country; market reports which
are recognized authorities; short stories,
complete in each number; an interesting
woman's column, AMI varied and attractive
department OF household interest
One Dollar year. Inducements to get
ters-up Of clubs for The Weekly Sun. Both
the Daily and Weekly Sun mailed free of
charge In the United States, Canada and
Mexico. Payments Invariably In ad vance
Address
A. s. ABELL COMPANY
pnblisherand Printers
BALTH REC
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1901-09-11
THE NEW WAY.
COMMON SENSE FOR WOMEN.
Ladies' should Read Of the Latest and Mos'
Successful Importation from France

All womankini May Possess Bright Eyes
Fair Skin, strength and Good Heaitn'
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1901-09-11

Train SO connects with Southern Il. II. a
Strasburg Junction for Harrsonburg and
points on Valley Railroad.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1901-09-11


No. so AZ 90
June 3O190O Except no; o. 49, go
Sunday. Daily ''''.'''
Lv. Lexington. 10 80 am 90 pm ........
Ar Buena Vista 10 So am 425 nm
Ar. BalconyFalls1 III 80 am 100 pm
Lv. BalconyFalls II SO am
Ar. Lynchburg. 10 SO pm
Ar. Richmond .. 6 25 pm
No. 80 connects at Lynchburg with South.
ern hallway North and South.
No. 50 connects at Balcony Falls wifi
No. for Clifton Forge and the West.
No. "a connects at Balcony Falls for Lynch
burg
For CINCISNATI AND LOUISVILLE.
Lv Lexington .............I 400 pm Daily
Ar Balcony Falls. s 90 pm DALI
New Castle. 20 pm Daily
clifton Forge. .......... 40 pm Daily
Lv clifton ForgelC T)..... Z 10 pm Daily
Ar Virginia Hot Springs. E. 8 so pm Daily
White Sulphur. 8 30 Pun Daily
Cincinnati. ..........-". 8 90 am Daily
Louisville. ..........-...1 IL 90 am Daily
" Chicago. ..........,.,.. 5 30 pm Daily
St. Louis. 9 As pm Daily
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1901-09-11
GRAPE BITFERS FOR MALARIA.

Ev ry one knows the value OF the
grape, as a luscious and healthy fruit.
Amt ,ucuel's Malarial Bitters is the
ultim teof the Grape JUICE; in it,
prope ties, mildly diuretie, suderifc
and t. mic. More than seyen-eights is
the pure juice Of the grape, simply
made bitter by Peruvian Bark Chamo-
mile Flowers, Snake Root, &C., and
will cure Malari,l Fever if used as di-
'ected. w&
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-07-07
Who1Ix unintantion.l.

When a Second avenue man waters his
own lawn he does It from choice and enjoys
The work as pastime Tho one hero referred
to was having a particularly good time
taking aim at the dandelion tops. training
the stream on them and knocking them of
His wife oame by way OF the side Of the
house to visit him and cheer him on in the
good work. Just as she made tho turn By
| the steps the hose burst through a spot that
had been weakened by dragging It over tho
ground. and tho gushing water first blinded
her for time. while It proceeded to take
the curl out Of her crimps.
Il Is unnecessary to prove that she let
out terrific scream. or that her husband
turned suddenly to SEQ what had happened.
body. and that time tho water went all over
her with impartialfty. There were two
screams IN rapid succession. The cunfud-
head and It went merrify through the wide
open window Of tho next-door neighbor.
That window went down with . slam that
sounded like tho explosion Of giant nrs-
cracker and shook the block. As a per-
verse fate would have II. the best fellow of
the neighbours daughter was calling Just at
this time It Is unfortunate that he Is OK
citable and nervous. Even stoical phil
osopher VIII mako some Bign when banged
unexpectly in the ear with a streak Of cold
water moving at the rate Of sixty miles an
hour. He Jumped to within few inches
of the ceiling, gave a very fine imitation OF
a war whoop. and then tried to Jam that
window through the foundation.
He has been told forty times Just how
the accident occurred. how unintentional It
was and how sorry the perpetrator Of the
cold douse is. but the girls eyes twinkle
with suppressed rpirth whenever they meet
and as long as this il the case he is figuring
to get good and even with the man that
practiced on him as though his head were
a dandelion top.-Detroit FREQ Press
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-07-07
angler. worm. 4. rather better for being

anglers worm. il rather better for being
vislbly alive.
"Be careful in the CHOICE Of your SUI
roundings. Environment will do q great deal
for q man. For example. -four and water
in q china jug IL cream sauce, in . pail
on tho sidewalk It 10 billstioksrs paste
Don't forget that there's time for ev-
erything and that everything should DO done
In its proper time. Never hunt for bargains
in umbrellas on q rainy day.
you may make enen1ieA II you know
who they arc don't mention them. Silence
Is golden; It saves the money that might
Otherwise be spent in defending libel suit.
abuse layished ON . concealed enemy Ia
like charity indiscriminately bestowed. It's
Z good thing wasted New York CONNER
cia0 Advertiser
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-07-07

Said . little vandsginS maiden
TO Q bee with honey laden,
"Bee, 1t all the flowers you WoFk.
Yet in some does poison lrk"
THAT know. my little maidsn,"
said the Doe with honey laden:
But the poison forSalcA
And the honey only taxa"
Cunning bee, With honey laden,
That il right" replied the maiden:
$50 will I. from all meet,
Only draw the good and sweet"
Selected.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-07-07

An old coat ana soft hat vAA Q nsGn,
attached. IN all that John Nnxwsu e WAD
ron has left Of dns-sooAtne soassczov.
Mr.. Maxwell Il . farmer sn Wsax Byosap,
Geld road. and has hxys 90 e essNI
Tho crows have txuunasA him eonsadsza1syl
this year. and 70 kssp than aHa1 NJ NAH.,
well dressed Up dummy
This n,osntns whom b wsue ct - -
Odd he missed III soass@oR anA Oslng
% mvesugatA found Q 0oft 1T, NndR
dflapadated. ana . saGUsd eeaA
IN die fnstds Dodkss q he 0ln4 ~ Q.
short note. me AoeD HoAdi
.Dssr strs manA shligsd 1ee ~ aelAes
. straw hat Both w9s D0fsc3 M
Please accept ne shanAs e Q ~au
WnnA' seWoeuaetaR Yslog7nA
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-07-07

Sosns-A golf course on Saturday after
noon. A olubman has been approached by
Q visiting member with . request 70 play .
round Cluhman consents. and proceeds
forthwith to inquire - 70 The quality Of The
strangsrs play. As1Is hfS caddy. who r.
piles,
.'oh. he's inst dursr. zfr. Can't play for
nvt1L"
cluhmaa, -Thsa how usunh Do yes thauh
I can adEnsd 70 rive htmf'
Caddy. "Yos eaRt give him any. mr..
That daddy sttll wonders why his very
sensibls advice provoked % much abuse
He never gtveo advice RoW~1ft- BttA
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-07-07
SAGE ADVICE OF A FATHER


Counsel That All Young Mon Entering
. Business Career Should Heed.
my son.. said the fond. but wise parent,
you are leaving me to 20 out into the
world. have nothing to give you but ad-
v1oa Never tall q ha II you wish to put
cdS IN circulation, Get It pubnshed. A lie
cannot live. but Il takes ono q blamed long
dms to fade out Of print.
Always read your contract. A man might
consider he was getting . Aneours II he
were offered . position picking blossoms
on Of century plant. but you zee he
wouldn't have reRnunerattvs occupation Il
he were paid on piece work
'.Be not overcrtdoal Even the most o.
binary sort Of . genius can tell whsn tho
other fellow Il making q fool Of himself
Remember that the young man. me the
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-07-07

~How rudy smith Can play"

Say. prhaps you've heard Of Tidy Smith.
The belle Of far and near,
Tho lady I've been goin' with
For nigh on seven year.
It wasn't her beauty won her fame,
It want her winin' wayI
Palmer music made her name.
You ought to hear her play.
OF course. she amt no Rubystine.
She's simply TIL, you see;
Butt I'd put up that solt o mine
She's nigh as good as he.
She's got no Paderewsld hills,
Her fingers amt 30 deeti
But landl there's Just one tuns o Ttlp
That simply can't be beat.
Why, when she sets before The grand
An tosses back her hahn
You'd think that sousa's band.
Instid O I'll. was thsrA !
She starts tho tune out KIND o dow
20 sort O clear the tradA
An then before you really know.
she rips Il up the back
Shell make ycu think the soldier men
Arc marchtn' past the place:
ehs'1l have you up behind ole Ben.
An nearly get the fsoa.
ehs'll make you think you're mighty glad
You're Twin; by and by
She'll git you feelin' fearful sad
An then you'll want TO die.
An next she feeds tho birds q while
You almost so 'em round;
An when you're Just about to smile
She quits 'em with bound
An then the air gets full O. dust,
The house begins to jump.
An when you're Jest about to bust
She lands you with q bump.
An when she quits an makes her bow
Before the yellin' crowd.
That ole pianner: yes. vow,
L. sort o looking proud.
You say you never heard q III,
That's queer. I'm bound 70 say.
Well, when you come to Stubbleville
Drop round an hear her play,
-Bids Dudley IN Leaflets Weekly.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-07-07
wsn-Msan1A

Rimer: Yes. my sonnet saus AnsA -
'srfbler'S with ne usual pssne.a NlAAl
Chimer: why DON'T yog uY ~ VIZ
rotten stuH'SPhiladslph1A H1aA
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-07-07

Two When0.
Oh, the world will give you money
And approve whate'er you say.
Whether trasical or funny,
When you strike a lucky day,
Mon will fill your trunks with treasure.
Just like Mr.. Dowie's Grew,
Iife's . glorious round Of pleasure
When your blur
through.
But we know that every story
Has to have another sida,
Oh, the grief Of vanished glory!
oh, tho smart Of wounded pride!
How single day can Danish
AL the charms that once enthralledI
How your golden fancies vanish
When your blum
Washington Star.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-07-07

Moonbeams.
When ! was q child, the moon to No
Through tho nursery curtains seemed to be
4 thing Of marvel and witchery,
The slim, white crescent floating high
In the lucid green OF the western sky
Was fairy boat. and the evening star
light on tho land where the fairies ara.
When 1 was a woman, the moon to me
CWhose life was a pledge Of what Life might
beg
Was . thing of promise and prophecy.
When from my window saw it set,
In the twilight my lashes with tears were
wet,
Yet my heart sang ever. because knew
That from your window you watched It,
And now. oh, my love. the moon to me
Who thinks Of what was and was not 70 b.
u thing Of heartbreak and memoryi
When I See TT crescent white and slim,
The empty present Of lie grows aim.
And its pale young gold u The hoop Of
troth.
That. stronger than death h BINDS - both.
Atlantic Monthly.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-07-07

struetions. BY ne time yuu reach my 40
you'n be rich rs Croesus and ~ mean Is
hls-Buffalo Commercial.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-07-07

A Wide Experience.
'Jenkfna has Just written book on How
to Succeed"
IT wonder II It WI b = suocsssr'
'It ought to be Jenkins has failed at
everything else."-llfA
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17
THE. SOUTHERN'S BRUNSWICK TAXES.
Almost Certain An Umpire VIII Have To
Settle Dispute.

10 reference to the assessment Of the
Southern railway tax g as msde by the
city assessors the Constitution says:
Hon. Pope Brown has returned to
the city from Brunswick, where be We, t
with Charles S Northern for the pur
pose OF passing upon the valuation of
the Southern railway terminals at that
point for purposes of taxation. This
property OF the road in Brunswick was
returned to the comptroller general 1T
$2S COO, and Comptroller General
Wright, in accordance with the figures
Of the city tax assessors Of Brunswick,
Increased the assessment to $4,000, an
increase of nearly 100000. The two
arbitrators mandolin. Brown repre-
senting the state and Mr.. Northen the
Southern--went to Brunswick to look
over the property. Mr.. Brown sub
mit.ed a proposal to Mr.. Northen, but
Che latter would rot accept it. They
then returned to Atlanta without
agreeing upon an umpire, AID 80 FsF
they HAYS been unable to agree upon
any one. The case Is oce OF The last TO
be arbltrated, and it is one Of which
there is d great d ference In the valu
alton between the rsilrOsd aud the
state. In all other GASES the Southern
road has returned it's properly at q tig
ure which has been readily accepted by
the comptroller general, and this is the
only one IN which there has been any
material differences, Mr., Brown and
Mr.. Northen may be a5o TO agFee upon
en- umpire, but if net, the matter will
be referred within a few days to the
governor, who will appoint two srbi-
traitors TO represent he stste
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17
A MISTAKE, PERHAPS.

Giving Pres dent Mckinley solid food
prenaturely seems to have been an
un wies courF e to pursue, This is always
guarded against in properly conducted
oonvalescenoe from yellow fever.
Where il is neglected any patients
die, while on the road to recovery. A
doctor WAS once asked TO explain this
phenomenon. He took bit of paper,
Int match and ignted the paper. The
charred paper formed thin crust.
cha" ne said, represents the body
of patient, after he crises OF the fever
is over, and recuperation feeb'y begins"
Then be dropped the ma ch upon the
crust and, with that slight impact, II
crumbled to pieces. That" he added,
sis tbs way solid food, prematurely
administered, kills the oonvalesoent
The bjdy has to be built up slowly to
soIidlty, by light novrieh ment, TO insure
complete recovery
1t may be that the president was
more critically i'll than the medical
bulletins admitted, aud that he would
have relapsed anyway: but, from the
published accounts, somebody bIundered
In giving solid food too soon.
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17
PRESIDENTIAL suCoEss1oN.

Up to 1886 the succession ran Grst TO
the vice president and then to the
president OF the senate and the speaker
Of the house. But the contingencies
suggested by President Garfeld's death
led the n congress to pass a new law
maxim the succession run, after the
vice president, In the oid~r ramed, to
the secretary of state, the secretary Of
the treasury, the secretary of war, the
attorney general, the postmaster gener'
al, the secretary of the navy and the
secretary of the interior. Tnus ei0hi
lives stand between the president and
headless government. New Yorl
World.
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17
THE CHINESE FASHION.
solid food too soon.

Minister WI commented on the
Buffalo tragedy az follows:
eve would consider such a man .
parricide, and would deal with him as
the ancient laws OF Confucius direct us.
He would suffer the lingo or the
death of thousand cuts. They are
made with the sabre. Not only would
he be executed in this manner, but all
OF his blood, The family OF this patri-
eide and traitor would be xtermin ated.
Ii is the worst OF crimes to kill once
parents, but to try to kill the father of
the country is as bad, we think"
The Chinese operate under the old
law of retaliation and also under their
tradition Of ancestry worship, as applied
paternally by Minister Wa. This lie
not the Christian principle. The
murderer forfeits his life, when con
demned after fair trial, but his life
Will tot be taken with veDgeful Snd
savage brutality, aud the faint does not
descend to his Innocent family or blood
relations. There are some persons
calling themselves Christians who &C,
and talk as II they lived under The old
law or COnfuclan maxims OF punish
ment; but such persons are "a far from
the true Christian principle rs, let us
say, for example, Minister WI.
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17

The Times CAN VIII be delivered by carrier
or mail per year, $500; per week 10 CENTS cor.
respondents on live subjects solicited. he"'
name of writer should accompany same SUD
scriptionE payable in advance Failure TO re-
ceive paper should be reported to the business
orioe. Address all communications to-
THE TIME5-CALI-
Brunswick, Ga.
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17
NOTICE.

Now is the time TO have your winter
clothes cleaned aud pressed. Also or.
der your new suit. Suite made to or
der from $I2 so up. See our line OF
samples and get our prices before buy
ing.
American Pressing & Tailoring Co.
SEQ. X, Harvey, Mgr,
Phone 257.2. 1926 New castle St,
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17
SCHOOL NOTICE.

Misses q ale school will open SPIT.
SOTO, 1901, al 70S K street. This school
has graded course OF study in the
primary. preparatory ard academic
Departments. They use every endeavor
TO promote thu health, TO trsin the
mind Sud TO educate tho Judgement
and the morals of the pupils.
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17

"Our little girl was unconscious from
during sudden and ter
rible attack Of Group, quickly secured q
bottle of One Minute Caught Cure, giving
her three doses. The Group was mastered
and our little darling speedy r0coyareS'
30 writes a. L. spaford, Chester, M>7'
Y, lsntts
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17

Call on Hoyt Bros, for
lowest prices on plumbing.
We use only first class mate
rial and do our own work, so
therefore we can guarantee
all our work. We make a
speciality Of repair work.
Give us a trial and be con-
WINGED. Don't forget the
place--2O7 Grant street.
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17
NEW TELEPHONE sU BsCRIBERs

IN ~ w VI I'll NUN N = u DOCIS u N Nd
Tbs following new subscribers have
been connected recently and are an
now being distributed.
Brunswick 262 3N* Ball, S.
Rruuswick 22SN* Stanton, G. w. DR..
Brunswick 251 w Buggs, J. w. DR..
Brunswick 249 * Fsankl,n, A L.
Brunswick l26 2*% Gale, Hoyt w.
Brunswick 257- 2*' Harvey G. r.
Brunswick 255-3%a I.aao. NJ
Brunsp lex 2al%t May Jul US
Brunswick 262- AM Mon Yousn.
Brunswick 222%* Smiths Pharmacy.
1882 Cole, DR. j. a.
l42 Dart. r Il.
26S EGelstnu, DR. J, G..
1918 Larsen, q. A.
267-2 Ludwig, L.
$50 Murray, r. B.
las 4 Temple, c. H.
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17
/, lang & " God
Planning MILL.

81 had & running sore or my breast for over
year" ssys Henry R. Richards Of WiUseyyille
N, Y, sand cried great many remedies, but
got no relief until 7 used Banner salve. After
uatag on3-hajf hos !. wa. perfectly cured.
car treccmnend ia eopni2aly" y J. Butts,
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17
TO SUBSCRIBERS:

Su usribersiare requested to notify the onice
when ihey fail 70 get any issue Of the Times
Call. Attention to this matter will be appis-
ciated by the publishers.
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17
PILES OF PEOPLE

testify to the merit of Banner salve is cur
ing piles 1t immet lately relieves and
quickly cures. No other salve 80 healing
W. j, ButtA
The Brunswick times-call., 1901-09-17
lis 4 Ka0IIy Problem

Tor q builder to make good work out Of
bad lum bar, but it is q problem none of
our customers ever have to con- END with,
as all building n aterial which &c supply
is guaranteed to be ofthe beat quality and
is always equal 10 specifications ard is
exactly Whist Is o5dersd Yon now what
jou arc getting when you order here, and
our prices are the lowest for reliable
lunlbe kin dried flooring and cell
ing always in stock Phone 1877.
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1901-01-08
the yment of it's bills?

The disappearance of Pingree Petit
grew, Webster Davis, Chairman Jones,
Croker and other congen.al spirits about
the time of the close of the nineteenth
century will be recorded by the his
tCrians of the future as convincing evil
dence of the increasing intelligence of
can public school system, the wider CIR
culation of newspapers and the right
self governing American republic.
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1901-01-08


Gov. Toole's inaugural address yester-
day was square, manly talk and clears
up the situation considerably. 1t has
been intimated for weeks past that the
governor would be the short term sena-
tor from Montana, and certain knowing
ones have told all about certain deals
alleged to have been made, which made
the governor sure, from the beginning, of
a sena torship. 1t is refreshing to learn
from Gov. Toole himself that all this is
idle talk Said he:
To the end that the administration of
this office may not be embarrassed at its
very beginning by an unseemly ambi-
ton, and that it may continue high above
the suspicion of promoting the political
aspirations of it's incumbent by eXpe-
dients of doubtful propriety. I deem il
nap to say here and now that for the
2.tr years my duty is here, and
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1901-01-08

There seems to be no wide spread re.
gret at the probable failure of the Mica
raguan canal scheme for the present.
That enterprise involves tremendous
consequences to commerce and indus
try in this country and in Europe. 1t
would not benefit all parts of the United
States. 1t would reduce the number of
railroad employees and the value of
many railroad stocks. 1t would, on the
whole. injuriously affect all Pacific sea-
ports. 1t is a any-sided question, and
should not be settled without thorough
Investigation as to the results on Amer
ilas Oriental trade. The expense of
the project, too, calls for extra delibera-
tiOO
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1901-01-08

(The Prince of ales no longer wears
creases in his trousers.-Cable Dis
oatch.)
Shake. Albert Edward, shake.
Reach out across the sea
And shake! Because you seem to have
Your troubles. just like me.
My trousers boast no crease,
All, no. 'Tis by chance
That they escape the deep disgrace
Of being known as pants"
Shake, Albert Edward, shake!
l know just how you feel,
And do you scissor off the fringe
That flaps about the heel?
You've done a noble thing
An act that's bound to please.
Now, make it better. Set the style
For bagginess at knees.
Shake, Albert Edward, shake!
You are now qualified
To write some verse of any tone
Burlesque or dignified.
For inspiration comes
When one has cast a glance
At the detected outlines of
His only pair of "pants."
Shake, Albert Edward, shake!
Though blood is thicker than
The water is-still, trousers are
Things that proclaim the man,
And if your buttons drop
And in their duty fail,
just cable word to me, and
Will send my shingle nail
Baltimore American.