Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1901-04-20

JUST a We'll. DcN3t
hasn't been captured yet.
NO: but they say Kitchener has i'm
port;,nt clcws to his whereabouts =
Puck.
THE LIMIT-Rustcr-I am having
| awful luck. i am down to my .ast
dollar
Observation-Disclosures. that's nothing.
Wait ill you are down to the last dol
| lar of your last friend.-Life.
CIosofist-Does your wife eterna'ly.
poster you for money?
| GraSpit--No. the people she buy,
| things from do that.-Ohio State Jour
nal.
| Elsc-Mamma, there's n funny old
man in this Pickwick book that's al
ways telling his son to beware of TIE
widows Why is that?
| Mamma-Well. a widow is supposed
to he skiiful in catching a husband.
| ElsicIGracious, l wonder if I'll
have to be widow before l can get
| NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Press.
| Henry" she said. thoughtfully.
| What is it," responded the worried
business man rather shortly.
Il wish you could rearrange your
business a little bit
| How
| so as to he a bear on the stock ey-
| change instead of at home. Leslie 5
| Weekly.
''Thcre'll he big bargains at that fire
| sale today" remarked Mrs. Schoppen
at breakfast. Il think I'll run down
| there"
The idea" exclaimed her husband.
How paganish.'
Whats paEanish?
Why. participating in burnt sa"ri-
s.-Philadclpha Press.
She-You have broken your promise
to me. and ii broken promise cannot
be mendcd.
He-Oh. | can do better than that
I'll make you new one.-Philadciph:a
Record.
Ringo-'Bobhie. have you been
| fighting again with that little Roy
next door," Robbie-"No. sir. Its tho
same old fight Life.
Teacher-"Now, boys who can tell
| which is the most difficult thing L"
| acquire in cycling" Chorus-"Tf
| bicycle. sir."-Tid- Bits.
AN abstract noun" remarked tha
teacher. lis the name Of something
that you can think Of, but not ton h.
| Now give me an example. "A red
hot poker remarked Freddy.
The P:ofessor-''Yes. the catcrpilllr
| is the most voracious living thing.
In a month it will eat about six hun
| drcd times its own weight. Deaf
Mrs. Ernot-"W Whose boy did you say
he was?' '-Harper' Razar.
| Wanted-Ey Canadian gentle
woman. who is capable housekceo-
or. position in q private family or in
q place of trust in hotel. VIII TAX.
charge Of a young family whose heads
arc absent for the summer.-Buffalo
| Express.
| First Mute Weren't you awfiiily
| scared when the hiGhwayman held
you upc'' Second Mate--'Yes. Why.
| screamed so loud for help that !
strained my fingers. Denver Time.
What are you thinking about 90
"Oh. I was just wondering how many
thousand years ago the Chinese, who
| seem to have done everything else
first began getting messages from
| Mars. - Ilddt,o
ooh. sir. please. I have swallowed
n PIN" exclaimed servant gi,l.
running into her employers study.
| Never mind. Mary" he replied. deep
in study never mind here's another,
drawing one from the pincushion.--
Chicago Journal.
| Agent-"Don't you want an en-
Iarged photograph Of YOURSELF" Stout
Gentleman" Enlarged What for.
Agent-"Thats SO. Rut-say-let us
make you one three sizes smaller. -
Detroit Free Press.
Hillis-''I played good thing onto
the railroad company last night.
Wolson-"So. How was that?
IIillis-"After I'd handed in my ticket
! fell asleep. and got carried two
stations beyond mine" Wolson-
t"And had to walk back at midnight.
Hillis-"Yes: but don't you see,
got three miles extra ride out of the
road for nothing. Boston Tran
script.