The sun., 1901-04-22
TURNED ON THE GAS.

Deen IN dickens OF pickle over night
without any gas, wouldn't we?"
Newsplice got up to the new fiat about
half-past four, and found Mrs. Newsplice,
with her sleeves tucked up and her hair
wrapped in towel, setting things to rights.
by the way" remarked Newsplice, see
ing no signs of any dinner preparations,
anything doing in the way Of food for a
hungry man around this plant? Man can't
live by putting up pictures alone, can he?"
Il do declare, | forgot all about dinner" !"
exclaimed Mrs. Newsplice. won't you
just run down to the corner and get small
steak and some potatoes and few little
things-I'l give you list. Mercy on us.
l completely forgot that the poor thing is
supposed to eat"
1t was kind of cheerless business, this
just starting off after food for dinner, but
Newsplice put on his coat and went after
the stuff his wife wrote down with a stub
of pencil, and came back with two arm
loads.
"Ah, now can have little patched-up
dinner inside of an hour easily" said his
wife. won't You please get at that barrel
and unpack the dishes for me?"
Newsplice 'tgot at the BARREL" and while
he was out in the kitchen slowing away the
excelsior he got to looking at the gas range.
1t caused him to think of something. He
went into where his wife was draping for
the four hundred and nineteenth time the
front room mantel, and inquired:
"Er-um-by the way, where's the coal
ranger
Goal range?" replied Mrs. Newsplce.
s'Why, there isn't any Well cook entirely
with the gas range here! My, how old.
fashioned you are! Why should there be q
gas range and coal range, too?'
"Well, you'll have to pass me on that,
replied Newsplice. "But know one time
when you're not going to cook on the gas
| -ange, and that's tonight. Now, don't &c
| off the handle and tell me I'm pinhead-
| which am-and numbskull- am
| again-and mental jellyfish-which, once
more, l grieve to say am--but forgot te
| go to the gas office and make the deposit
and SO there1l be no gas tonight"
| "And you know particularly told you tc
attend to the gas!" reproachfully said Mrs
Newsplice.
| II know it--so did the agent-so did my
| own inner consciousness" replied New
splice. Everything that was near and
| dear and precious to me in this life should
have inspired me to go to the gas office and
/
and SO what the deuce's the use of harpine
upon it? Forget it! I'll go down and see
'em before breakfast tomorrow morning
Meantime, I'll go out and get lot o
boiled ham and cured tongue and canned
salmon and sardines and crackers ant
cheese and weiss beer and stuff like that
and we can make a meal off of that truck
/ and I'll also get some candles, and we car
see to 60 to bed by the light of EN-, and
oh, what larks! Won't it be just too cute
and larky for anything to go to bed by
candle light% and the man laughed {
hoarse croak, while his spouse regarded
him mournfully.
Pretty hungry by this time, he went ou
and bought nearly all of the articles he hat
enumerated, together with a dozen of thu
largest-sized candles that could be bough
for money, and returned to the fiat. III,
noted, gloomily, on his way upstairs tina
all of the other tenants had gas, of course
and he wondered if his wife's solemn dec
laration that he was losing his memor.
were really so. However, he put an imita
tion cheerful face on the matter as h,
stumbled up the stairs and groped his wa.
through the private hall of his new flat
He lit one of the candles as soon as HI
had set down the second batch of proven
der he had bought, and then he lit nearl.
all the rest of them, and his wife set tn
table as best she could under the disad
vantages, and they made their first meal il
the fiat. But that first meal couldn't hav
been called either s'larkyo or "cute,' a
Newsplice had put it, by the widest pos
sible stretch of the imagination.
After the meal, when Mrs. Newsplice ha'
given Newsplice the signal that she'd lik
to have him leave the table in order tina
she might be permitted to remove tn
dishes, he fumbled around in his vest pocl
cts absentmindedly, for awhile, searchin
for cigar. He found one Then, talkin
all the time to his wife, and telling he
what corking good fun he thought it wa
, to eat by candle light, and to eat pre-
pared food at that he fumbled around 70
! match. Finding the match, he absent
mindedly reached for the key of a ga
fixture right in front Of him, turned tn
key, still absentmindedly, applied til
match to the gas, lighted it-without an
trouble whatsoever--turned the gas dow
low, threw the match in the fireplace, an
then went on to Mrs Newsplice;
"Yep, think it's just the limit, once
awhile, to have to just sort o camp ou
/ without gas and"
Then he noticed that Mrs. Newsplce wa
: looking at him strangely, and that frol
him she was looking at the turned-low ga
jet, and the thing dawned upon him, an
he turned the gas up, and then went an
E lit the gas all over the fiat, and then II
! turned to where his wife was standing
grinned in CHASTITY way at her, and said:
s'Never touched me! knew all the tim
that the gas company hadn't turned tn
: gas off here since the other tenant lei
Tag! You're It'll"
e ''Far be it from me, Richard Whittingto
Newsplce, to attribute unworthy motive
i to you, or to attempt to sully your fa
name by breathing one breath OF scand'
against you-but what a colossal liar yo
sometimes can be, can't you!" remarke
Mrs. Newsplice, cheerfully, and then peat
y reigned around, and the candles were folde
J. up and put away for the fox terrier pu
f to eat up on the front room carpet late
I on.-Washington Star.
= Too EARLY.
i Citiman-T suppose you're prepal