Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-06

Ss~s>s OsSA
thing. turned on the gas and went
for the match. When l came back
and csawled OH my hands and knees
TO light the jet-grcat heavcns!-an
explosion occurred that sent me half
across the room. In the middle of it
all heard that internal milk boiling
over again.
The greatest Of natures, when
aroused, sometimes become terrible.
felt murderous. l also felt desper.
ate. gradually approached that oven
again assumed the attitude Of PRAYER
and put those biscuits in with slam.
l was perspiring all over. l took of
my tic and collar and looked Mt my
watch. 1t was 6:3O. l was to have
dinner ut G, and the tomatoes were not
touched yet! wiped them off, got
the butcher knife and began to peel
them, for reflected had no time
to waste In cooking them.
l would eat those microbes alive.
Life at this crisis seemed of little worth
anyway. had read somewhere that
tomatoes should be skinned, not peeled;
but the more | tried to skin those
pesky things the more the insides came
too. A terrible expression came over
my face. did not know but my usu-
ally kind disposition was ruined for
life, but felt sure of the biscuits and
the oyster soup-what remained of 1t.
Then put the chops on the fire. 1t
was about Z. The chops Immediately
started to see II they could not beat
the soup and sputtercd and blnzed to
such an extent that felt desperate.
was watching them every moment
when thought aloud: "By Jove, there
are the biscuits! Perhaps had better
look ut them" They We're all there,
but somehow they looked detected.
While was finding out from the cook
book (Which Immediately consulted)
that ought to have put baking pow
der In them the smell of burned flesh
made me rush to the stove, only to find
my chops black and beyond rescue. l
felt myself an unfortunate man. be-
gan to humble incollercntly to myself,
and feared that it was all going to
work upon my brain. With the astute-
ness that characteriZcs me as distin-
guished from my fellow men gave up
all efforts. At this moment, because
all hope was lost and was on the look
out for misfortuncs, cried out, "Blam-
ed If I haven't forgotten the potatocs!"
had the look of one of the early
Christian martyrs. They, too, had suf-
fercd and loved and lost. Even the in.
vectives had used were not sulphur.
Gus enough.
went out into the shed and brought
back pail. Into that l scrapcd the
soup carefully. Next dumped in the
biscuit. Then | gently put the toma-
toes and chops on top. This accom-
pl!shed passed hurricdly out into the
back yard, stopping only to get SHOW
el out of the wood shed. dug hole
and tossed the whole thing In. Then
meekfy returned to the house and re-
galed myself on some bread and butter
which found In the pantry. just as
was doing this the clock struck 8,
and Maria came home.
Hello, dcar!" cried, for was de-
termined to forcstall any remarks.
"l've been terribly busy, detained at
the Office, and just got home"
"Oh, Thaddcus" said Maria regret
fully. And you have been without
your dinner! never should have left
you if"-
BY this time Maria had seen the
Kitchen.
Maria" said 1 solcmnly, for 1 saw
her pause, you have been invited to
join a club for the subjugation of hus-
bands. You needn't join. nm subju-
gated already. You women are always
talking Of our sphere Encroach on
mans sphere If you will, but for hcav-
ems sake don't ask me again to en-
croach on yours!' York Herald.