The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1901-01-23

And then he rose, and thus he spoke:
Ion second thoughts, you're right;
/ only meant it for joke.
Thanks, very much: good night"
-Pick-Me-Up.
A very small pile of coal lay on the
sidewalk in front of a house ON 4 street
southeast A corresp0ndingly small son
of Ham was sauntering along, and, see
ing it, scented a job. He rang the door
bell.
Am dat you all's coal?'' he asked the
lady at the door,
Yes
Want it toted in?"
KANT l git de job?''
Why, you're pretty small, and then
YOU might charge too much. You might
ask more than | could pay" =
How much IS yo' got?' asked the
small man of business. kin yo' raise
a dollah?'
oh, my goodness, no.
"Seventy-fve cents?''
mo; run along and don't bother me-"
and she started to close the door.
..Mebbe so. you glib fifty cents
NO. ne; run along"
II reckons go all amt got er qua
tah?"
No"
~ Il Ulflo.
mo, not even a dime, replied the
woman beginning to laugh.
We'll. how much is yo' got?" ques-
toned Ham. showing his worries. Il
sut'nly does wanter git de job
I've got just a nickel"
"Well, I'm JUS a-lookin' fer nickel
jobs" and he straghtway began.-Wash-
ington Star.
Nice for the Tortoise.-"Now, Mary"
said a mistress to her newly-imported
maid, 'in the kitchen there is a pet tor
toise. and hope you will be very kind to
it. Do you know tortoise when You
see one?' mo. mum; shure, and what
loike is it?'' After having explained it tc
her, the girl went and brought it forth.
rs that it, mum?'' Eyes" ''Shure, that
is what Oh was using to break the Goals
wid."-London Answers.
A Detroit gentleman on recent trip
abroad copied the following epitaph from
a tombstone in a graveyard in Stafford
shire town in England
Here lies in a horizontal position the
outward case of George Routledge,
matchmaker.
Integrity was the handspring and pru-
dence the regulator of all the acts of his
life. SO we'll regulated were his move
ments that he never went wrong, except
know his key.
He departed this life November 4, 1912.
aged 81, wound up in the hope of being
thoroughly cleaned and repaired and set
a-going in the world to come.
Teacher (to new pupiD-"What is your
last name, my little man?'
New Pupil-"Tommy"
What is your full name -
'"I'Ommy 1TOmDkinS'
Then Tompklns is your last name:"
mo, it isn't. When / was born my
name was Tompkins, and they didn't
give me the other one for month after
ward. "-ColAer's Weekly.
traveller stepped from a train at
Plttsburg very early the other morning
and went to the depot lunchroom to get
breakfast. He was extremely tired from
long ride, and consequently not in the
best of mods
What dc you want?'' snarled one of
the waiter girls. She had a get-up-too-
soon expression on her face, and spoke
savagely.
"A little courteous treatment" re-
sponded the traveller.
I'VE don't keep it here" rejoined the
girl
II thought So" was the laconic reply
Of the Clevelander. Give me some reg
ular eggs"
I'VE only keep fresh EGGS" replied the
girl.
Everything fresh around here?'
queried the Clevelander
Yes" she hisSed through her teeth.
Il thought so,'' the traveller replied
AS the traveller ate his breakfast in 81
lence he wondered who had the better
of the skirmish. From the look on the
girls face she, too, was bordering over
the same question.
The Bartender You see, I have to
drink a good deal. Every half hour or so
somebody comes in and asks me to take
something
The Waiter-'I suppose at my restau-
rant if was asked every half hour to
eat something I'd have to do it?''
The Bartender-"Jim. you're good
fellow, but there is no arguing with you.
You will wander from the subject
Boston Transcript.
A little boy declared that he loved his
mother with all his strength" He was
asked to explain what he meant by with
all his strength He said: 'Well, I'll
tell you. You see, we live on the fourth
floor of this tenement, and there's no ele
vator, and the coal is kept down in the
basement. Mother is dreadfully busy all
the time, and she isn't very strong; so l
see TO III THAT the COdl1Ou Is never empty.
| lug the coal up four flights of stairs, all
by myself. And it's a pretty big hod. 1t
takes all my strength to get it up there.
Now, isn't that loving my mother with
all my strength ?'-Selected.
Cassidy-''Th driver av tn furst hack
asked me tn way to tn cimitary. Oh
towld him.
Dugan-'"Thin yez are a hodcarrier no
more"
Cassidy .Phwat am Oi?"
Dugan-'Yez are a funeral director.
Hang out yer sign" philadelphia Rec
ord.
-:o:-
There was once Woman who had
Never Learned how to Swim, although
she Went in Bathing every day in the
Summer. She had a Friend who had
Acquired this Art with Some Trouble,
and was very Proud of her Proficiency
in it.
ut is Absurd" said this Friend, 'to
Live near the Water and not Swim. 1t