The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1901-03-10
The Handwriting Expert

Thank goodness! That's all right. then.
| III wire Harvey something that viii
! bring him down tomorrow morning; and
now, do cheer up and make the best of ii. :"
! After night of suspense was waiting
in the little Japanese room to see Harvey
| heard his voice. He had arrived / was
horribly nervous. He came in. shut the
I door. and stood in front of me.
/ i said, Dearest Harvey, how could you
be so absurd" and l held out both my
! hands. Harvey put his hands behind his
I back as though 1 were child. and he had
a present for me, and / was to guess what
| it was. So 1 did the same. though it
seemed silly game. Theu he said:
Now. Beatrice, it's useless trying to
humbug me. l insist on plain answer to
plain question"
He then produced the letter from wy
vern L had left on the table, and asked
me to read it.
Anything so entirely unif.teiiisiDle
never saw.
What's this, Harvey. about Don't
laugh at me as humorous swine?
Rubbish It's Don't laugh at me as
an amorous swain"
1 was sure OF my version. but stumbled
on You know little, so far. OF these
liver pills "
&" Lovers ills,'" shouted Harvey ITS
no use wasting time on this. | have cop
led out the essential part-the part that
opened my eyes" and he gave me "A paper
in his own clear handwriting. This is
what | read:
you are (the?) soul of my existence,
You dear woman. and our love is our life.
He is frivolous and hateful and we may
(word undecipherable) tell the fool to go
hang.
/ was appalled, at first Could wyvern
have gone OFF his head, and really written
this nonsense?
Did you really find this In the letter.
Yes. l tell you that, taking II with the
rest, understood it. l thought at first
it was code something. but l soon
saw IL was plain English
Plain English, But It doesn't make
| Oh. believe met
-silencel If you like, Wen go through
/ the letter together. 1 wish TO be just
What on earth could .He Is fr.--oous
| and hatefIl mean? Why should Harvey
| suppose 1t to refer to him? We went
! through il and fought the letter word by
word, till my brain whirIed One sentence
l read, Il bought a shutter on the Alps"
which Harvey perversely declared was Il
sought a shelter in your arms" IL was
endless and maddening. until I had a
bright idea. Ask Wyverni Harvey scOrn-
ed II, saying the idiotic fool would be sure
to have some - clever. rotten explana-
ton. and so We went on, he reproachng
| bitterly l denying and crying, until 1
suddenly said:
Listen. Harvey! I am certain Wyvern
would not write to me in that strain. but
/ II make this suggestion: Go to an expert
| in handwriting, and I'll abide by his de-
cision.
And Harvey agreed seeming struck with
the idea. After grumbing a little more
and few words with Charlie and Violet
he consented to go back to town and see
an expert He refused to stay to lunch
con, and went by the 12:45 Professionally
cold and civil in manner
In the afternoon troubles were over
The following telegram arrived:
Everything all right. Too sorry for
words Experts explanation follows by
post. win come ana fetch you tomorrow
morning. Love. HARVEY
And by the evening post 1 received the
experts version of the important SEN
fences. 1t ran thus:
Il am quick at making verses. and have
finished the play in an hour. 1t Is possible
and probable that I shall bring it out as
soon as / can get a man TO go shares''
Il suppose" Harvey wrote. that dear
old Wyvern has written a play, and
hasn't enough money to get Il produced
himself. If he can't find capitalist I'm
ling
The next day We went back happv
though | still had an uneasy belief that
Nyvern must have been writing to me
about some woman-and | was quite GER
tain he would as soon write play in an
hour as year, also that he was not
quick at making verses" We We're talk
, ing it over when Wyvern came in and [
signaled to him to say nothing when Har-
yey discussed it with him.
Harvey put down Wyyern's smiling
silence, awkward looks. and apparent en-
tire ignorance of the subject, title or
style of his play, to shyneSs and went
out, leaving us together, to show his re-
newed confidence
Then Wyvern read me his own real
original and genuine version of the let
ter. The fatal sentences ran as follows:
Il am sick of dancing attendance on
that woman, and can bear IL no more
She is frivolous and heartiess, and | shall
go 10 Norway to fish as soon as l can get
a pal to go too
Since this happened. the only result of
any Importance is that Wyvern has
learned typewriting. Certainly, the ex-
pert did get one or two of the unimpor-
tant words right which was rather clev-
err of him.
Here are the three versions:
Husbands Version: You are Cthe) soul
OF my existence, you dear woman. and
our love is our life. He is frivolous and
hateful, and We may (word undecipher-
able) tell the fool to go hang"
Expert Version: I'm quick at making
verses, and have finished the play in an
hour. 1t is possible and probable that |
shall bring it out as soon as | can get
a man to go shares
Genuine Version I'm sick of dancing
attendance on that woman, ard can bear
it no more. She is frivolous and heart
less. and l shall 20 to Norway to fish
as soon as l can get a pal to ga too"
And. wasn't it extraordinary? | asked
Harvey the name Of the expar., and it's
Augustus Henderson-A. H, You know
SNSlrs HopkinsOn was right after all.
Punch.