davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
A Modest Request.

Mrs. Chatterton-I should like to
go shopping this afternoon.
Chatterton-But, honest, my dear,
I haven't got a dollar in my pocket!
Mrs. Chatterton Gghtly) - Oh!
Well, then, you might give me 50
cents.-Puck 49,
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
Over the Back Fence

First Woman-You've got to retrac:
what you said about me.
Second Woman-I won't. I never
take anything back.
First Woman Indeed, you don't,
but you'll borrow everything your
neighbors have if you get chance
Detroit Free Press.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
A Perfect Dream

''The safe have fell over, na'am, on
top of the new sample haht, and
mashed it, said the apprentice, pro-
ducing a jumbled mass of fattened
millinery.
'Ah, now it is perfect dream!
Put new card on it: Crushed
shapes; latest out. Price, $685."
said the delighted St. Catherine street
milliner.-Montreal Star
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
Only Road to Wisdou.

Pearson only way for man to
learn all about women is to get mar
ried.
Gregson-And study the ways of his
wife, eh? a.. f.
Pearson-No, listen to what she tells
him about other women.-Tit-Bits.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
OppO9ed to Mon0nOlieS.

Did you say that young man in the
parlor tried to kiss you, dear?" said
the young stepmother.
yes, he did, replied the daughter.
"And did you tell him you would call
me?"
mo, I didn't; do you think no one
in the house wants to be kissed but
you?'-Yonkers Statesman.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
kean'4 Diet.

II see that somebody says that Ed
mund kean, the most famous of Eng
ish actors, liked to adapt the kind of
neat he ate to the part he had to play
choosing pork for tyrants, beef for
murderers, and mutton for lovers"
That's a great idea. Isuppose when
he had to play several parts in one
evening he ate hash."- Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
. His. 0nimfnn

"What is your idea of reformer pr
'Weu," answered Farmer Cornt ossel.
from my limited observation, I should
say a-eformer is man who is willing
to promise anything. ashington
Star.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
A He Saw the Case

''Why don't you try to earn an hon
est living?'' -. 49,. ...a
WELL answered Meandering Mike,
Give fggered on de proposition an
it don't seem business like. WHY
should / toll fur de price Of bare
livin' when I kin git all de Injuries of
de season handed out to me by mere
" maxim polite request at de kitchen
window ?" Washington Star.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
Pas Way with Tommy.

Tommy hate to have ma whip me.
Jimmy-Aw-wimm can't hit hard.
Tommy-That's it; pa thinks she
don't half do it-so he a1lus gives ma
some, too.-Chicag oRecord-Herald.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
Useless Precaution.

Mr.. Tellitt-I heard at the club to-
day that Mrs. Ketchum's husband had
run away from her.
Mrs. Telhtt-That isn't strange.
She only married him because she
was afraid of getting left.
Mr.. TelHtt Well, isn't she?-
JUDGE
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
G. W. WEIPPIERT.
Realized Hfa Own Madness

Nov you are tired of me and abuse
me-" sobbed the young wife whose
husband refused to hire another maid
to take care of her pet dogs. ''Yet,"
she continued, mot two years ago
you were just crazy to marry me-"
Yes answered the complacent
man-brute, my friends told me SO
at the time, but didn't realize it I'M
til after we were married."-Kansas
City Star.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
How They Grow.

y Old Friends Well I declare, OH
boy, your wife is fully as tail as you
are. s# r. ~.z< II 4. =.
Mr.. De Meek Tin whisper) Yves,
I guess that's so.
How came you to marry such a
big woman?r .sS.z q.
well she didn't seem so big
before marriage.N. 7. Weekly.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
Other Allurements :

Mr.. Goodman-Why don't you take
the pledge, my good fellow? -.
Jaggsby-Becausee there are too
many other things to take.-Denve1
Times. s=;~.@ :. ~:..
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
Victory.

They struck for fewer hours Of work.
And won their point, vow.
Their boss declares they shall not work
A single hour now.
Philadelphia Press.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
Tales Of Woe.

Newitt-That's Borroughs. He's
quite an adept in the art of con-
structing short stories. ~
Ascum-He doesn't look like
literary man. .>- 49, ~~..:.< ..:
Newitt-He isn't. You misunder-
stood me. He can tell you he's broke
in more different ways than any
other man ever met.-Philadelphia
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
Hardly Practicable.

Mrs. Neurich-Why didn't you come
when rang the bell? /
Servant-Please, ma'am, I didn't
hear the bell
Mrs. Neurich-Well, hereafter when
you don't hear it come and tell me at
Chicago Daily News. :
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
Self.Evfdent.

He Cat the playl-That woman be-
hind you can't see the stage. You'd
better take off your hat.
She-But If I do, then she wouldn't
gee the hat.-PucE
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26

Turns Of Fortunes Wheel,
woman said he, you have turned
me down."
She gazed at him coldly, after the
manner of the young woman she had
seen pictured on refrigerator adver-
tisement.
Il shall go to the K1ondike, becoms
rich,'' \e continued, land you will re-
greet turning me down when I again
turn ur."-Indianapo1is Press.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
For All CauseA,

Man loves to kick with might and main;
Sad sounds best fit his mouth.
He'll first complain about the rain
And then about the drought
Washington Star
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
A Relief.

Mr.. Isolate (of Lonelyville, N. j.,
with suburban enthusiasm)-I tell you,
I have got treasure Of new hired
man!
Mr.. Brooklyn Borough - Indeed ?
What is his particular recommends
ton?
Isolated (elatedly)-Why, he posi-
lively does not sing note!-Brooklyn
Eagle.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
Couldn't Tame Her.

Attendant-The lion tanner has
been injured and cannot perform to-
night.
Museum Manager happened
to him?
Attendant-Het tried to dischars his
cook this. morning.-Baltim Amer
lean.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
A COnfeaRf0m-

What a fool man in love can be-
Even I have been one Of those.
He has even been known
AS in case like my OWL
To have gone so far as propose.
-JudXe
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26

Mr.. Lovsik-I'm going to take your
sister away from you altogether soon.
Won't you be sorry?
Boy-Yes, sorry for EQUALLY Slo-
per,
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
A Fable

Said the old Oak Tree to the Noisy Dog:
BE still; it will do you good
And the Noisy Dog replied: If I had
A bark like yours would"
Judge.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
Pretty Safe Guess.

Bill-Whi1e in New York I wanted a
policeman, and I looked in every direc-
ton, but could not see one. AS was
leaving, one suddenly appeared behind
me. Where do you suppose he came
from?
Crimsonbeak-Why, I guess it's a
safe bet that he came from Ireland.-
Yonkers Statesman.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1901-06-26
Artist-War is terrible thing.
Friend-Still it's not as bad as it's
King.
Locating the Chill.

Ere long you'll meet the ice man
To complain about your bill:
The chunk will never freeze you.
But perhaps his manner WILL
Washington Star.
The Iola register., 1901-08-23

Word comes from Crisfeld, Md, of
the death of one man from an at
tack made by mosquitoes while he
was passing through a wood, An
other report from Austin, Tex, tells
of an attack made upon oil operators
in the region of Sabine, Tex, in which
mosquitoes came from the salt
marshes in great clouds that dark
ened the sun and forced the work
men to flee for their lives. Many
head of cattle and horses were re-
ported killed in this last attack. AS
the government has lately expressed
an intention to eXterminate mosqui-
toes and suggested the use of kero-
sene oil on ponds and stagnant wa
ter, this fierce and aggressive attack
by the enemy must have been to seize
the base of supplies.
The Iola register., 1901-08-23

A Troy woman has furnished further
evidence, If any we're needed of the
evil of strengthening mans dresser.
Mrs. Bezona found some loose papers
in her husband S drawers, burned them
and learned later they were his pension
papers.
Barney Sheridan gets two knocks
into his last Week Paola Spirit. One
is against Paola man who said he
intended to try TO stop the sale of
liquor in Paola, and the other was
against the giving aid to orphan asy-
lums by the State legislature. The
logic interferes.
Jake Ahlfed, who lives near Leroy
according to the Mail 81 Breeze, last
spring planted some cucumber seeds.
He figured on a barrel of pickles and
when the drouth came carried 1000
barrels of water and watered the
plants. They survived and are now
full of crooked necked gourds.
The Wichita Eagle boasts that the
Carnival managers have secured
"Dare Devil Fitzpatrick, " the one leg
ged man who rode a wheel down the
Washington capitol steps and is now
driving an automobile down a narrow
inclined plane $50 feet high. The
Eagle says it is very dangerous
feat, and concludes: "If he is not
killed before October he certainly will
be here" But of course ne viii no'
be killed until the third day of the
carnival.
The Iola register., 1901-08-23
Astounded the Editor.

Editor S. A. Brown, of Bennettsville
S. c., was once immensely surprised.
Through long suffering from Dys-
pepsia," he writes, ''my wife was
greatly run down. She had no strength
or vigor and suffered great distress
from her stomach, but she tried Elec-
trio Bitters which helped her at once,
and, after using four bottles, she is
entirely well, can eat anything. It's a
grand tonic, and its gentle laxative
qualities are splendid for torpid liv-
err" For Indigestion, Loss of Appe-
tite, Stomach and Liver troubles it's
a positive, guaranteed cure. Only SOC
at Evans Bros.
The Iola register., 1901-08-23
(First published August 9, 1907
Sheriff's Sale Under Execution.

STATE or KANSAS, g.
ALLEN COUNTY. 80
The First National Bank of Fort
Scott, Kansas
VS..
a. NJ. Ayers and j D. Hill.
BY virtue of an execution to me directed
and delivered, issued out OF the seventh .Iu-
dicial District Court OF the state OF Kansas.
sitting in and for Allen county, in said state.
will on Monday, september l6, A. ID. 1901. at
the hour Of O'Clock p. nj of said day, Mt the
court house door in the city OF lola. in the
county and state aforesaid. oler at public
sale and sell to the highest bidder for cash
in nnnd, all the right, title and interest of the
above named defendant, j. ID. Hill, in and to
the folio wing described real estate property.
to-wit: Lot one O) in block one % and lots
three (3), four %, five (5), six 90, seven ca.
eight (S), nine (9) and ten QO) I'm block five
C) and lot three (3) in block eight (s lot five;
90 in block ten O0); lot six 90 in block ten O0)
lot seven (7) in block ten l0l lots three 3l and
four al in block eleven I'M; lots five l5 and
six I6I in block eleven llll; lots i've 81 six
l6l, seven IN and eight s in block twelve
ll2l AL in the city of Lalarpe, in said Allen
county, Kansas. said property levied on, and
to be sold with appraisement as the property
OF the above named defendant, j. ID. Hin
II HOBART, Sheriff.
Sheriif g office lola, Kansas, July 81, 1901.
Keene Gates, Attorneys for Plaintiff, Fort
Scott, Kansas.
The Iola register., 1901-08-23
One of Natures Laboratories.

Mr.. Meade, of the weather bureau,
has been studying the formation of
fogs in the vicinity of the Bay of San
Francisco, which is famous for its
sarth-hugging clouds. He shows that
the remarkable topography of this re-
gion makes of it a natural laboratory,
in which daily experiments in the
cloudy condensation of water vapor
are conducted. The peculiar juXtaposl.
tion of ocean, bay, mountain, foothill
and level valley and the arrangement
of bluffs and ridges forcing the pre-
vailing westerly current with increased
velocity through the Golden Gate, are
the main causes of the phenomenal
fogs.-Youth's Companion.
The Iola register., 1901-08-23
First published August 9. 1901
Assignee's Notice.

In the District Court OF Allen County, Kan
saS.
In re-assignment of Jennie Burns for the
benefit of creditors.
Notice is hereby given that the undersigned
assignee of the above assigned estate intends
to and win on the llth day OF October 1901, at
one (ll O'Clock p. m or so soon thereafter aS
the court can hear the same, apply to the Dis
trict Court of said county at the District Court
room in the City OF lola, Allen County Kan
sas, 10 he discharged from his trust as assignee
as aforesaid X w. Mcdowell.
Assignee
The Iola register., 1901-08-23
AS AEsoP MIGHT HAVE TOLD IT
Story from Alaska of n Clever Trick
Played by Two Ravens
on "a Puppy.

A Jerseyman, writing home from
southern Alaska, says the New York
Sun, tells the following:
81 happened to see with my own eyes
the other day a clever trick played by
a pair of ravens, which carried me
back to old Aesop and his fables, for
here as gazed was one of the vener-
able tales acted out in real life.
"A silly little pup was playing about
when he came upon nice, tasty bone.
] was watching him worry the bone
and was enjoying the pleasure he
seemed to get out of it, when down
dropped two ravens. Theywanted that
bone; it stuck out all over them; their
desire and their eyes shone with the
lust of conquest.
"They fluttered about for some time,
but 10, the pup, paid no attention. He
wouldn't be fooled, and could scarcely
keep from laughing to see how adroit
the ravens were and how stubborn the
pup was.
Finally one raven sneaked behind
10 and scuttled quietly up until he
was perhaps two feet from the pups
tail. The otheer raven remained in
front. futtering here and there, just
enough to keep the dogs attention on
him. When the raven in the road had
gained a proper position-that is, had
crept close enough-the willy old bird
In front began to jump up and down.
I was bewildered at first. / couldn't
make out what the birds were up to
| for thelongest while, and when the
jumping process began | was more
mystified than ever. until the dog, dis
tracted by the jumping process,
stopped worrying the bone and looked
up. Then l realized with an awesome
| feeling that those ravens were up to
something pretty close to human. |
confess it scared me a bit; il made the
birds seem Siabolical, and | found
snatches of Poe's verses on the immor-
tai birds of this feather running
through my head.
"Gradually the jumping bird drew
nearer and nearer to 10. Alas, for the
pups intelligence! l held my breath
as the sable charmer Topped closer and
closer to JOS smutty nose. suddenly
JOS jaws clicked. Almost at the same
instant there was a tlutter, a plunge
from the rear, and the bird behind the
pup had the bone.
at was done so quickly that my eyes
could scarcely follow it. When the
raven in front got too near Jo raised
his head from the bone and snapped al
the bird. He missed the raven, and
forgetting the bone and everything
else, made plunge for the bird. TheI
the raven in the rear got in his work.
"Of course, the moment the rear ma
neuver had succeeded the light cavalry
that had been demonstrating in front
few off. The noises those birds made
were weird. As the bird in the rear
grabbed the bone he let out a hoarse
yell, precisely like laughter, jeering,
taunting laughter. l could hearthem
as they flew across the bay from Ket
chikan, laughing and laughing as they
went.
Poor Jo! II took him an instant to
realize what had happened, and when
he did you never saw pup look more
sheepish. II was a mean trick, but a
rare Joke on 10. Just the same"
The Iola register., 1901-08-23
Summer Complaint.

If the stomach and bowels are free
from gaseous and sour fluid accumu-
lations and the habits regular, your
children will go through the heated
term without sickness. DR.. Caldwell's
Syrup Pepsin corrects all such
troubles by removing the obscurecause
and keeps the system in perfect work.
ing order. Cras, B. Spencer, lola,
Kans., and Kinne & Son, Moran. KS.
The Iola register., 1901-08-23
Sleep Recipe for Hot weather.

Here is the recipe of naval officer
FOR keeping cool while in bed: Go to a
carpet dealer and have him cut pieces
of straw mating just the size of your
bed Sew them together and then
place the straw blanket between the
mattress and the sheet. The coarser
the mating the better, rs it will allow
more ventilation. Ify you have been suf-
fering from insomnia on account Of
the neat. try it.--N. Y. Letter.
The Iola register., 1901-08-23
nenninr hX Enr.

A teacher requested each scholar
TO give sentence containing the
word toward" One boy, of nine
years, evolved: 81 toared my pantsl"
Ledger Monthly.
The Iola register., 1901-08-23

The only guaranteed Kidney Cure
is Smiths Sure Kidney Cure. We will
refund money if after taking one bot
tie you are not entirely satisfied with
results Cowan and Ausherman.
The Iola register., 1901-08-23

A Winfield man paid S6,545 for a
Lawton corner. Let's see, Winfield is
in the county that raised million
dollars worth of wheat
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1901-07-29
uLTlMATuM TO ENGLAND.
Must End Boer War Before Spring.
Commoner Makes a Threat.

New York. July 29-Folowing irfor-
nation cabled that rumors of an impor-
tant step toward enforcing peace be-
tween England and the Beers had per-
vaded the house of commons for several
days, came a speech by Gibson Bowles,
conservative. that caused profound
sensation, says the London correspon-
dent of the World.
MIR. Bowles gave the government
solemn warning that unless peace We're
made in South Africa before spring eX-
tremely grave complications would con-
front England in Europe.
The speaker declared further that he
knew that negotiations had been pro-
ceeding on the continent within the last
six months. and We're still active. with
the object of inducing or enforcing
peace.
In view of these conditions, he said,
England could not persist in outraging
the feelings of the great powers without
paying heavy penalty.
a ministerial contradiction of the
statements made by Mr.. Bowles was
looked for, but none came.
Upon inquiry in the lobby of the au-
thor of the warning. World correspon-
dent learned that Mr.. Bowles, tho a
conservative. 10 somewhat disaffected
and more or lese antagonistic to the
ministry. He referred in his speech to
movement set on foot by Premier De-
kuper of Holland, aided by Queen Will
helmina, by which he had succeeded in
interesting the emperor of Germany and
the czar of Russia go far that their ne
gotiations We're fast approaching point
where England could no longer safely
ignore them.
Edmund Robertson. member of the
recent liberal parliament, corroborated
what Mr.. Bowles had said. and declared
that he spoke from his own knowledge
of the situation.
These public utterances. uncontra-
dlcted by the government, taken in con-
junction with President Krugers return
to The Hague, and with the repeated
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1901-07-29
T.-R BULLETIN.
NOTICEABLE NEWS Of TlzzAY.
The Weather.

The Weather.
1owa-Partly cloudy. cooler 81 night;
Tuesday, generally fair, with g ,derate
temperature.
liiinois-Showers tonight, e1.- apt fair
in the extreme south; Tuesday, clearing
in the north and central
PAGE ONE.
NEWS:
Great Land Rattle at Ell Reno.
Cummins Names His Delegates.
Steel Strike Believed Settled.
Would Build Warships on Great
Lakes.
PAGE TWO.
GENERAL NEWS:
Another Big Trust.
Porto Rico Imports Seized.
Insanity Trust in Indiana.
PAGE THREE.
IOWA NEWS:
Rebuke Dirty Politics in Johnson.
Killed by Bear in Iowa.
Boone Jail Delivery-Five Get Away.
Norwegian Church Burned.
Killed by Hayfork.
Milliman-King Divorce Suit.
ExSenator's Son Killed.
Girl Takes Strychnine.
PAGES FOUR AND FIVE.
EDITORIAI.:
Now, BE Men.
Break in the Heated Period.
Crop Injury and Losses.
Topics and Iowa Opinions.
Chinese Labor in the South.
Iowa Items, Etc.
PAGES SIX AND SEVEN.
CITY NEWS:
Drouth Effectually Broken.
Municipal Topics
Oldest Soldiers Home Veteran Dead
The Dubuque Excursion.
Brief News Mention.
PAGE EIGHT.
IOWA AND COMMERCIAL:
Rains All Over Iowa.
Markets Are Off.
Corn Spectators Guessing.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1901-07-29
WANT THE TREATY CHANGED.
shipbuilders on the Great Lakes Would
Build Warshjps for Other Countries.

ouIIo WdT6nIpS rOT OtN0T NOuHSTISS.
Chicago. July 29.-Warships. not only
for the United States. but for foreign
countries, may be built on the great
lakes in the near future. To accom-
plish this the shipbuilders located on
the lakes. supported by manufacturers
and concerns that cater to the ship
building business. are combining In A
movement to demand the abrogaton of
the treaty with Great Britain which ex-
cludes warships from the lakes. This
treaty has been subject for consider
alton by statesmen for many years At
the coming session of congress the
members of the house Of representatives
whose constituents are on or near the
lakes Will, it Is said, demand that some-
thing be done.
Congressman Boutell, who will look
after the campaign at the coming ses-
sion Of congress-, III speaking about the
matter, said: THE existence of the
treaty is manifestly unfair to the peo-
pie of the lake cities In 1898 congress
appropriated s126o0O to begin the con-
struction of vessel on which the naval
militia of the lakes might be trained. 1t
was the intention of the navy Depart
ment to equip this vessel with al! the
modern guns and equipment but the
appropriation was resclnded when it was
found that the treaty stood in the way.
The yards situated on the shores of the
great lakes. and these yards employ
thousands Of men. are not allowed to
bid on the work for foreign navies be-
cause of this treaty. Secretary Foster
investigated thoroughly in 1892 and
made an exhaustive report, in which he
advocated the absolute withdrawal of
the treaty and the opening of the lakes
to any vessel that floated. 1t was re-
ferred to a joint high commission. 1t
has been there since unconsidered and
untouched, so far as the country
knows. 1t is time something was being
done to remedy the situation