New-York tribune., 1901-01-03
DANNY" MCHUCK GLOOMY,
THAT USUALLY CHEERFUL, DEMOCRAT
VIEWS NEW CENTURY WITH
PESSIMISM

certain incidents of the old year. together with
the prospect OF misfortunes for the new have
changed Danny McChuck the well known sewer
inspector OF the Twelfth Ward OF Brooklyn from,
pronounced optimst TO a pessimist of the gloom
lest sort Mr.. McChuck badly shaken up over
the downfall Of his friend, Colonel Gardiner and
the outlook for his party's next fall is so
unpromising that he has lost his odtme cheerful
ness and confidence. He was one of those who
yesterday stood I'm front of the City Hall reading
The inscription: Welcome. Twentieth Century,"
p" 'Wikum. twintieth cintury' is ut?s said
Danny" derisively. 81 take no stock in that
sign"
Recognizing the reporter he shook his finger. in
his usual thoughtful way and said:
"Nuthin but misunderstanding! I'm thinkIn
that nine times out av tin whin the fair goddess
Fortune starts for yer house Z fan on yer neck
an say she's dead stuck viz. she gifts sthroke
av locomotor ataxia tn throlley car an is STINT
home in tn ambulance"
Noticing that the reporter was a good listener
Danny continued:
TN a pessimist an kicker an eff I shud
chanst to be interjuced e tn cintury walkin
down Coffey Park wild a sthove pipe on tn back
aV MS mead I'd say to 'im 'Yiz is galIus now but
some horny handed circumstance will land on yer
solar plexus.' An I'D say ag'in: Yer billed shirt
looks like tn Union League Club afut but the bum
Wild the spilled onion is layin' fur viz beyant the
nearest coal box. an he'll git i'm his deadly wurruk
III nver wuz annythin' widout its seamy side,'
continued Mr.. McChuck rather savagely. eth
woman wild the most hivinly dimple will lave her
husband wear socks wild holes in tn toes.
"Gallagher's boy Terence sports brand new
Raglln overcoat stole his mothers wash money T.
git it.
The dog ez wears blanket wild his mistress's
monogram on II will ketch all tn heas soon ez
he lands in tn dog pound wild tn hoi pooi
The house wild tn polished brass rail ginerally
shiiters kid wot howls all night wild cramps
| from swayin' tn laundry soap
IN near sighted man wot stips on yer corns in
IN streetcair apologies q tn young Teddy in tn
blue shoot alongside av viz.
An so might go on fur il sthrikes me that
IN Carpet we walk on in this wurruld is thick
strewn wild tacks wild the sharp inds up
An lux at that dinner in Arlington Hall last
'hsht' where livery mon had tn flanthropic chs
an faver fur his fey min! ConthrolIer Coler hands
out fine roast on commercialisrn in politics. an
tn mkt time he gifts chanst T. app'int wan of Tim
Sullivan's college graduates 20 the position av ex-
pert accountant AT sos day he'll do it, That's phat
like about Bird. An Edwin Markham, the pote,
notice he put strings butterflies an popcorn
on IN brow av the new cntury. an IL tn throIey
conductor overcharged him five cints on tn way
nome It's tin TO wan he became Tn Man Wild tn
Axe. Whin IL comes right down Z business If viz
ask any great man who's baIancin' the world on
his chin these days for a temporary loan of tin
cints, he'll presint viz wild wan av his lectures
on Tn Submerged Tinth.' or some other topic that
yiz can't hook"
You're pretty blue. amt you, Danny?" asked
the reporter.
cause Fve been Z tn ind OF the rainbow an found
that tn sthory av the pot Of gold was the wurrk
space writer"
There wuz 6airdner-me ovid college chum-Asa
Bir-r-r-d Gardner continued the inspector ''Phat
KIND ev a b-u-r-r-rd Is he nowT A blue jay like
mesilf. I'm thirkin Wan short month ago wasn't
life a continuous oyster cocktail Z tn Colonel?
Who supposed tn manhole d blow up wild him on
II. like II did? Me FIRMS collapse is livn' picture
av tn ovid maxim that to-day We may be a plum
pudNIn wid brandy hOll llys. ,hAlrni ~
blue. an tomorrow ye go to tn reduction works
an come ammonia
LUX at tn mighty Tiddy Rosyvit-as caused all
IN sorrow 4 me frin'! To-day he goes on tn
ortc-a-hrac shelf fur four years Wild tn label: "A
rare an costly specfmin Wild a probIematIcal fI-
ture tiis firms will put glass case over him.
an hire a watchman unbemished reppytashun
watch I'm. but IN div only knows rhia some
political bull will break into tn china shop
That's ply say agn, they's nothin' sure about
this bloomln' new cintury Loolln at i'm now. he
seems fair. He swings out on tn Riaito av Time
wild a rose IN his buttonhole an tip in his visit
pocket fur tn waiter. But watch the ilIIgant
summer pants av tn swate youth whin he thries
Z mount the barbed wire hnoe experience!
II shall say Z all firms: Don't he a siphon
in action over IN prospect gittin' somethin fur
nuthin in the clntury.' Things Is goin' T. tip
this way an that way just Il did In tn ovid
cintury
"Th' thrusted employe is even now plannin' T.
timmyizc the bank books. while tn bank officials
is buyin' him lovin' cups In token av their CRATE
ful appreciation av his unimpeaceable intigrity.
I'm moments av temporary alteration in
teect." continued Danny bitterly. he started for
the Bridge entrance II in1oy watchn' man fOrgit
that tn divil wurruks twinty-Ave hours out av
every twinty-four, but has my suspicious him
tn minute his angelic smile an hear him
sskin' for several sets wings at the bargain
counter"
KILLED AT ELEVATED STATION