The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1901-02-06
DANGER IN THE BOOK
WHY ONE MAN DREADED The CON-
ING INTO CAMP OF A DICTIONARY.

WHY ONE MAN DREADED The CON-
ING INTO CAMP OF A DICTIONARY.
lie DlscrectIy Left Before the Vocif-
erously Applnuded Sentiments He
Expressed In HIS Speech Could he
AnalySed IA Ia Webster.
When the son OF the president of the
Big Mountain Lumber company came
into the mountains to learn the bust
ness, so to speak. l knew within IL
minutes that he had come to the
wrong place. He was city chap. new
~ graduated and thoroughly out of
touch with everything mountainous
lie was a bright fellow, however, and
amply capable, only the mountains
were not the field for his development
As time elapsed his dlstaste grew, and
II WAS all he could do not 10 express
his opinion OF the mountain people,
their manners, customs, homes, morals
and everything connected with them
lie was wise enough to contide In me
alone and bided his time to get away
TO some more congcnial cline. And
he got away sooner than he expected.
1t happened that there was II public
meeting one night ut the sawmlll shed,
ard he was called - to make II few
remarks. Every other man at the
meeting except myself, WHO acted rs
chairman, was of the rA,untalns. aud
their Illterate talk had reused the
young college fellow to the limit lie
saw chance to get even, In his own
mind at least and when the call came
for him he responded promptly. His
speech, quite brief. but To the point.
was as follows, copied from his own
manuscript, even the lapplausel part:
My friends, am glad TO meet you
on this occasion, for | have wished TO
say 10 you publicly what | think of
you, though our acquaintance has not
been long. Coming as II stranger
among you, | was only partly prepared
for What was I'm store. Now let me
say to you that half has not been told
me. Applause In the lnternecIne
arena your lethilerous conduct has
artounded me by the trucidatlon and
men | have ever known. Loud ap-
plause. In the diversified field OF
mendaciy your efforts would make
Machiayelli take to the tall timber.
luproarious applause. In all fula
clous, raptorlal and predaclous pur
suits you have done such wonders
that the gifted and great Jonathan
Wild would have felt his latroclny
WIS Il sounding brass and his direptlon
II tinkllng cymbal lGreat applause.
In the broad eXpanse of labor your
torpeseent oscillation has made you
sui generls among all pandieulate man
kind. Cheers and shouts of Good for
u.s. As good llvers, your tables
groau beneath their stercoraceous and
impetignous burden, and as drinkers.
your temulcnt bibaclty has made the
crapulous reputation of Bacchus to he
n sign of purltanical abstemlousness
Loud applause AS for yourselves,
| take pleasure in saying here to YOU.
without fear of successful contradlc-
| tlon, that your nugacity Is fore scr
established; rs observers of the law,
your aberrance is Pathological, and
| personally you are n cohesive concat-
| enation Of rubigant exuvlg, that |
| take especial pleasure In believing docs
not exist elsewhere on enrth Nocif
erous applause -
When the enthusiasm had cooled
down somewhat, he proceeded to spcnl
on the subjects before the meeting nnl
sat down The mountalnecrs were
pleased TO death with the college INNS
high tiown speech about them, and
though ! didn't know the meaning Of
nil the big words he used did know
that he had been calling them liars and
murderers and thieves and scoundrelS
and droncs aud awleSs drunkards be.
Sides condemning their fare and annth
ematIzing the lot Of them personally
But not one of them suspected, and |
was hoping nothing would come OF It
and they would forget, even If any OF
the large words were remembered.
when one dry book agent drove mp
20 the office In "A blackboard and an
nounced that he was selling Webstcr's
Unabridged Dictionary for So copy
and showed sample that was as big
as Il box of soap.
Nobody had ever seen so much book
for the money. nor had anybody ever
seen dictionary In that nelghborhood
and when the agent began to tell what
n valuable thing 1t was to be In every
family the men became Interested, and
1t wasn't long until the agent had sold
% copies to be delivered the following
week. When lie had gone away with
his sample, | called the young maH
into the private office for consultation
Don't say II word" he began as
soon as he had closed the door #
know exactly where | am at, and
I'll be some place else before Mr.. Web
ster arrives to throw any light on my
recent remarks. AIN not shedding
any tears, and in order that the dix
tionary buyers ana others may know
just what think of them | shall leave
two dozen copies of my speech for dis
tribution on the morning of my de
parture"
He did Just as he said he would. and
It was good thing for him that he
never came back any more-W T.
hampton In Washington Star