davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1901-04-02
RAILROADS.
PENNSYLVANIA RAuRoAp.

-..o ststtoa Corner of Sixth and Streets.
1880 An; daily rENSsYfv8SIa "a Si''I% %%iMirED.-
,cn cars HarTisbms To csSsso c caGinDa aSG ia-
92,s,naap1lis. 2m,aap st Louis, Cleveland and Toledo.
1850 daily + fAsT sfTrisGSf TSE-purlman Buffet
rshr, Car to Harrisburg Buffet Parlor Car Har
$50 SeTsN PN daily CHICAGO AND ST. LOUIS Ex.
and to ToeSS and ssepSs iS M and 1n
ioasriIis ha,s.ssnrS a1,. 70 Indianaeclis, St Louis.
rs daily sPPen9st sP noTs and RsfREsspunmau TIssso
7ss e PT Gsr dsi,F harSsssTf WsSTffhSs aS s., lsS,s
Snr SS.eePins pm Car to Pittsburg aud Chicago Dining
7;as Pm; daily. CLEVELAND AND CINCINNATI
Ib;MtfkkESs-Pniman Sleeping Cars Washington to
ns r,,rseqrc and Harrisburg to Cleveland and CIn-
1910 IN f daily ois FAc1F1o ExrREss.-runm.n
7:sS AN daily BrFTa1o RifflP DAY EXPRESS. with
RnsagSan RssagSn rarer Car; Dining Car. and Coaches to
'iSV An for Kane. Canandaigu Rochester, and
,o. Niagara "a Falls daily, except Sunday.
Sunday For wiamspoTt daily iy'c s:so o I'm. ti'ep'
'Hf Mth PM iSfouss Sstl RTFE1Lo S&aT ExFREss
a5 ana Ns,r dan fSr Erie for Rochester, Buffalo.
,dso Sleeping Car Washington to Rochester %'' WIN
faIo aSd o for Erie Gsnaadsgua R9ehessE Buf.
4oo oar pwashingtSS to Rochester SATURDAYS only
fpr NV pS,k York all Psrlor Carx. with Dining Car
FOR PHILADELPHIA NEw YORK AND THE
E5BTess sBe,s. 200 Dining Car, 1857 Sis 600 900
IN @ SSS %pf Aa Sfr ga llGs s ls se
ipn1ng phi Oar from Baltirnore), $50, 1000, aud
s:l5. s:l5. 300. 300 Dining Carr. IL: 90 Dining Car
ins e cas wimimsSn, fpn M is;ls s;ls 4so in,
Pm For Ph'ladelphia only Express. :zS An,
daIs daio f.M weekdays. 2:oi. 4:l0 and $40 pm.
For nd Boston without change. 74o AN. weekdays
For Baltimore' 6 90 ZOO 7.ls -.n -,7 s.r.
2:.1 s;ls s!aoo LamIted' 10 s;ao .si. 90
and p' I'M g:iS es9 7Ib 74s. 1000 lo:4o, II :ss
SIS. 300. s:os. io:so% % II 20 AN. 1a:is lis.
ne sis s:sc 7:is s %ss. 1000. ZOO fo:s6. S and and
For Popes Greek Line. "a, AM and 4:sr PM.
For Annapolis. 200. 900 AN. 1918 and $40
IN IN weekdays. Sundays. 9:oo AN. and $50
For Old Point Comfort tvia boswell and Chess-
With tsronsh osio p,, pR,1,Ilwaya & II;41 an
a,1e So So Pm a:ssdsSI ss daily Fiorid. sD'
Ine ss is tsds sn and Gnts on ssasSsd AZ
Ekp5esS Ge for Richmond only. 11:4l AN. weekdays
AscsmmodatiOn 81 q for ouantico. 7:4e AN daily and
sEAsHokE CONNECTIONS.
man mail Tsuts. ge; fs4S Pm hTonsh Pull
Street Wharf Sco and ii oo GAIN AIM va la.s sfsts. PM
week days 1:50 Pm. daily.
For Cape May. ll:oo AN. weekdays. 11:5o Pm.
Ticket Offices. corner Fifteenth and g Streets.
ders can he left for the checking of baggage TO
destination from hotels and residences.
&c Telephone call 'l441" for Pennsylvsna Railroad
J. b. HUTCHINSON, JR, WOOD.
General Manager. General Passenger Agent.
Evening star., 1901-04-02
Resolutions of COndoIence

The Baptist Ministers Union met yester-
day at the Metropolitan Baptist Church, on
street between 18th and 18th streets
northwest, at II O'Clock am. Rev. Shelton
Miller, D. D.. president, in the chair, and
Rev. J. T. Clark serving as secretary \
resolution was offered By Rev. 1. Henderson
Taylor and adopted providing for the ap-
pOintment OF a committee to draft resolu-
tons of coincidence upon the death of Rev.
John Fl. Jasper of Richmond. Va. The con-
mittee consisted of Revs. j. II. Taylor, Rob
ert Johnson, Geo. W. Lee. DR.. VIM. j.
Howard, Jas. L. Pinn and ]. T. Clark
The report of the committee was subse-
quently submitted AMI adopted. The union
then adjourned out II respect to the mem
ory of the deceased.
Evening star., 1901-04-02
CITY AND DISTRICT.
For Partition of Realty.

Proceedings in equity to secure the par
tition of certain real estate left by Henry
Ccnradis, who died the 18th of last Janu-
sry. have been filed by August Conratlis
and his wife. Gertrude Conradis of An
napolis- They name Emma Hartig and
Louis Hartig and thirteen others defend
ants. The property involved consists of the
following real estate: Premises 1907 and
1.oIl2 9TH street; part of lot !. in square
4iI, known as premises 1901 7th street,
consisting of a three-story brick building.
used as a hotel and bar room; premises
I11I 5th street and 119 Carroll street
1t is explained that the property cannot
be divided without injury to the interests
Of some of the litigants. and the court is
asked to appoint trustees to conduct the
sale and divide the proceeds. The COM
plainants are represented by Attorneys
Padgett and Forrest.
Evening star., 1901-04-02

ganizer announced that the hoisting en-.
glneers and building stone laborers are be-
ing organized, and that Hod Carriers
Union, No. 1. will become affiliated with
the American Federation Of Labor.
The report was made that the nom union
female binders employed at the government
printing office are Joining the women's
Bindery Union, 125 having been admitted
to membership at a meeting Of the organi-
cation held last evening.
Mr.. John II. Brinkman. who has been
secretary Of the Central Labor Union for
several terms, resigned the position be-
cause Of impaired health, and Mr.. G. Z.
DIETRICH OF Columbia Typographical Union
was chosen to fill the vacancy.
Evening star., 1901-04-02

A remarkable sample of engraving on
glass has been placed on exhibition by the
DUlin & Martin Company 1t is a pitcher
Of rock crystal in which is cut likeness
of President and Mrs. Mckinley, surmount-
ed by the coat Of arms OF the United States
and the American eagle, and surrounded by
a floral wreath. The work is done exquisite
ly and took several weeks time in it's exc
cutton- The engraver is Peronfums
Frftchie, a Bohemian expert In work Of
that class
Evening star., 1901-04-02
Charge of Embezz1emenf,

Lewis. alias .'Jisgy," Patten. colored, was
arrested In Philadelphia last night and held
to answer chargesOf embezzlement in this
city. More than a year ago the coIored
man was IN the eaploy of Hoover & Sny-
der, shoe dealers. 1t Is alleged that when
he was sent out to deliver several bundles
ne sold them and pocketed the money De-
tective Lacy located him in Philadeinbia q
Few days ago and last night he went ro
the Quaker city to take charge of him.
Evening star., 1901-04-02
EXCURSIONS TOMORROW.

Steamer Manchester for Mt Vernon at IL
III. and 1:ij pm.
Steamer Norfolk for Fortress Monroe and
Norfolk at $50 pm.
Steamer Estelle Randall for Glymont and
intermediate points at $50 am.
Trains leave 1872 street and Pennsylvania
avenue for Arlington every forty-fve min
utes and Mt. Vernon hourly from 10 am.
to . pm.
Cars leave Aqueduct bridge for Arlington,
Fort Myer and Falls Church every half
hour.
Evening star., 1901-04-02

capital Branch, No. 1I2
mold their annual outing at ChesaDeake
Beach Tuesday, June -, 1901 They are
only one of the many large organizations
booked with us for the coming season
Rates TO orders and societies very low.
Secure desirable dates at once. A H Lew
is, @. z. a, Chesapeake Beach Ry,. 400
n. Y. ave. n.w-Advt
Evening star., 1901-04-02
Reception to Christian Endeavore-.

The Young Mems Christian Association
will entertain the Christian Endeavorers
o. the District by means of an informal
reception at the association building this
evening There will DE an address of
greeting on behalf OF the association. a
response by MIR. n. L. Dietrich president
of the Christian Endeavor Union, and a
literary and musical program
Ii Is expected that q large number of
Christian Endeavorers and association
members will be present.
Evening star., 1901-04-02
LOCAL MENTION.
ANUsEMENTs TONIGHT.

ec7demy-'A Texas Steer"
Chase's New Grand-Polite vaudeville.
COlumbia-"The Sign of the Cross
kernan's Lyceum-Rentz-Sant
Lafayette-''The Amazons."
National sweet Nell of Old Drury."
New Bijou-Trocadero Burlesquers-
Odd Fellows Hall-Burnt Cork Club er
fertainment
Evening star., 1901-04-02
Attractive Exhibition.

The exhibition of fine office and library
leather furniture. China and Jap mat
ting. new carpets and rugs is worth seeing
at Slnan's, 140T @ st NV. Sale Thursday
at 1870 am.-AdXt a
Evening star., 1901-04-02

]. H. Small & Sons 18th and G. sts
Washington: 1l53 Broadway, N. V, florists
Beautiful display of Easter floral novelties
Advertise
Evening star., 1901-04-02
Officers Chosen.

Officers of the Chi Epsilon fraternity were
elected last night as follows: Norman NJ.
Vaughan, worthy sheik; ]. S. Meyer, vice
sheik; Fl. E. o. Gutshall, scribe, and L.
Irvine, purser.
Evening star., 1901-04-02
Retires as Agent.

Mr.. George p. Hoover has resigned as
claims agent of the Washington Traction
Company for the purpose of engaging in
the practice of law. He will serve one
of the assistant attorneys of the company.
Evening star., 1901-04-02
In Ordering Table Wines

IL is essential to have full confidence in the
house The Rhine and Moselle wines of
p. ]. Valckenberg are celebrated for their
purity and eXcellence.-Advt.
Evening star., 1901-04-02

Money to lend at a. 5 and per cent on
real estate. Frank 7. Rawlings, 1906 Pa. ave.
advertisement,
Evening star., 1901-04-02
Branch ONCE, 22d and p st..

Advertisements are received at The Stars
branch office. Norris pharmacy, corner
22d and streets, at regular rates. No
charge for messenger.
Evening star., 1901-04-02

Ella Temple was today convicted in the
Police Court of committing an assault on
Josephine Hatton. and Judge Scott fined
her $50. with ninety days In Jail as the
equivalent.
Evening star., 1901-04-02

Richard Pendleton was convicted today in
the Police Court Of firing a pistol at Clara
Brooks. Judge Scott sent him to Jail for
ninety days in default of payment Of $50
fine
Evening star., 1901-04-02

Arthur Dutch today in the Police Court
pleaded guilty of having pistol concealed
on his person, and Judge Scott fined him
$50, with six months in Jail as the alterna-
tive
Evening star., 1901-04-02
CITY ITEMS.

"BraddOck Maryland Rye" in the
Whiskey for the Sick Room.
Physicians recommend 1t because of its
purity, age and rich, mellow flavor. At
grocers', cafes, clubs. Jas. Clark Distillfng
Co, D. p. Mccarthy, Mgr, $40 Pa. ave 1t
Evening star., 1901-04-02
SOUTHERN RAILWAY,


Trains leave from Penna. Station
,oS Sol an Daily Local for HarrisOnburE and
11:15 am. Daily. U. s. Fast Mail Sleeping
cars to New Orleans, Columbia savannah and
Ansihevllie ni Chattanooga and Memphis, and at DAN
,li Hilie with sleeper for Birmingham and at Char
ingtSn 1s9 to New Orleans. Dining car service
l pm Rsi Reek b.s. sSsa for
strasburg and Harisonburg
go 80 pm Daily Local for Charlottesville.
Limited. Composite Cafe and Smoking Car. Din
srs ing Car s Compartment and Drawing Room sleeping
Drawing Room Sleeping Car New York and WASH.
nmbia with PafIor Car for charIeston and M CO. 2,
WayerOss ". with ParICr Car for Tbomasyllie. Ga.
ing cars to Augusta with connections for Aiken
and and Charleston, and to Savannah, Jacksonvie and
Through coaches to Jacksonville and Atlanta.
Uniting at Danvtlle with Pullman sleepers from
sleeper Washington to San Francisco Mondays.
tuesdays 1e.dy and Fridays; Dining service.
Limited Via Lynchburgl Sleeping cars TO Roam
9ne, %e hnoxyille, Chattanooga, Memphis and New
service.
1915 pm Daily. Washington and Southwest
vile, Chattanooga and Nashville, f'i and to Atisnt.
Macon, Birmingham. Memphis, Montgomery. Mo.
Washington to pinehurst, \. C.. and Tuesdsys.
Sleeper Washington TO New Orleans connectine an
New Orleans with Sunset Limited for San Fran
CISCO ~
TRAINS ON BLUEMONT BRANCH
Leave Washington 9:01 am. daily, 4:4a pm
week days and 6:25 In. Sundays for Bluemout
e:2S pm. Saturdays and 4:35 pm week days and
Il;Io pm Wednesdays and Saturdays only for
Leesburg 6:2S pm. week days to Herndon.
Through trains from the South arrive Washing
ton 6:42 am, 6:52 am, 7:S5 am. daily I0:in
am. daily except Monday, 2:15 pm, and $50
pm. daily From Harrisonburg 11:37 IN. week
GAYS GAYS and e:4o pm. daily. From Charlottesville
s:2s am and s:40 pm. daily.
Tickets, sleeping car reservations and other in
formation furnished and baggage called for and
checked from hotels and residences by Union
transfer Co., ON orders left at Ticket Once 7O5
Station. ~ - ~
Phone 144l for p. r. r. Cab Service
FRANK 3. CANNON, Sd V. p. and Gen. Mgr
s. II. HARDWICK, General Pass'r Agent.
s. BROWN General Agent
Evening star., 1901-04-02

GREAT BEAR SPRING CO.
Supplies 4 gallons of Pure Spring Water
for soc. Office, TO4 18th st.
Evening star., 1901-04-02
BALTIMORE AND OHIO RR

BALTIMORE AND OHIO r. r.
LeaVe washington New Jersey ave- and O st.
p.m. WV
Cincinnati. st. Louis and Indianapolis, .lo:o5
an. s3:45 pm, s1:l0 night.
and 1900 night. '' WV P'
Columbus and Wheeling, .s:oo pm.
Minehester ts:S5 am, f3:4b and 1890 pm.
Luray, 10 AS pm.
ANNAPOLIS t7:lo, $3.50. ts:ss am. t12:1s, s4:ss
and 1880 pm. '
Frederick. 1888. $500. tIoso an. u:ls. t4:so.
1880 pm. 49, 1850
Hagerstown. t1o:o5 am. and $3.50 pm.
Boyd and way points, ts:35. $500 am, s1:lo.
Gaithersbure and way points, ts:35, $500 am,
f12e fl2Se S1:!s t5:oo. t4:so. $500. $780, '7:os.
Washington Junction and way points, 1885. 300
am; s1:l5 t4:3o, IS 80 pm.
BsltimSrs week days A2;ss, o:oo $50, I7:oo.
1915, xl;10, x3:o0, x4:0O 40 4:S5 1905 BIO.
1880, 1920. $50, xs:O0, xIO:Oo XII :3O IL IS
pm. Sundays, 12s5. x7;oo, x7:io, $50, 1900
xo:1o. $50. $500, 10000, III 80. Il1:85 pm.
ROYAL BLUE LINE
All trains illuminated with Pintsch light
the east. .2:35 .5:06 Diner). ts:30 (Buneu, $500
Dinerl 300 Royal tlmited" dDInerl. n 10 (Buf
fet), '5o5 (Dlner 500 and oil 30 .. m (SeepIna
Car open at 1000 o'clock
Parlor Cans on all day urains.
Atlantic City. tlo:0o an. fl2:1o noon and N 10
'Daly. Except Sunday. ssunday ouly.
Baggage called for and checked from hotels ana
residences by Union Transfer Go. orders left at
ticket offices, 6lS Pennsylvania avenue northwest
New York avenue and Fifteenth street and at de.
pot. Telephone ticket offices for b. and o. Elec-
tric Automobile Cabs.
r. ID. UNDERWOOD, ID. B. MARTIN
I'd Vice President Mgr. Pass Traffic
and Gen. Manager. no2e
Evening star., 1901-04-02

Important to men! Hold your money: see
us first; We have an elegant line of Easter
suits tslightly used; best goods: prices to
suit poor people. JUSTH'S OLD STAND,
619 ID st.
Evening star., 1901-04-02

There was slight fire in the stable of j.
H. Chamberlain in rear of No. 2050 22d
street northwest about 1890 o'clock last
night 1t was started by a candle that
was left burning in the building. Police
man Johnson and others eXtinguished the
flames before much damage was done.
KENNY'S EASTER PICTURE.
The handsomest picture ever given away.
FREE TO ALL
Saturday, April 9th.
c. ID. KENNY CO,
Teas. Coffees and Sugars.
30 branch stores.
Nickless Blue Flame Oil Stoves. s.. 90 and
Evening star., 1901-04-02

NOlland's Ice Cream, Ices, Charlotte
Russo and Fancy Cakes. 9o7 N st.
Evening star., 1901-04-02

II 1t is FUSSELL'S Ice Cream or Cakes
I: is all you need to know. Since 1851.
Evening star., 1901-04-02
CHESAPEAKE AND OHIO RAulROAD
THROUGH THE GRANDksr SCENERY OF


THROUGH THE GRANDEsr sen EIiY OF
ELEcfkfc LiGhTEbs IeAlsf sfEAM MistieafEb HE4fEb:
DINING CARS on THROUGH TRAINS
Schedule in effect March is, 1901.
500 PM DAILI-Cincinnati and st. Louis Spe-
cial-Solid train for Cincinnati Pullman Sleepers
to Cincinnati Lexington. Louisville. Indianapolis
and St Louis without change. Observation Parlor
Caf Washington to Virginia Hot Springs daily ex-
cept Sunday. Parlor Car Cincinnati to Chicago
11:10 PM DAHY-F. r. " Limited-Solid train
for Cincinnati Pullman Sleepers TO Cincinnati
Lexington AMI Louisville without change Coupec,
tion for Virginia Hot Springs daily. Pullman Com
partment CIR 10 Virginia Hot Springs, without
change daily except Sunday. Sleepers Cincinnati q
TO Chicago and st. Louis.
11:4l AN. DAILY. EXCEPT SUNDAY-For New
port News Norfolk and Old Point Comfort (yis
Penna X. r.. H., +. & T.. and RicbmoDd. Buffet
change
800 pm DAIIY-For GordonsvfIle, Charlottes-
vile. Staunton daily and for Richmond daily, ex-
cept Sunday
Reservation and tickets at Chesapeake and Ohio
Offices. 513 Pennsylvania avenue, 60e l4th st. near
r. and AZ the station Telephone call l44I fox
Pennsylvania Railroad cab service.
n w FULLER. General Passenger Agent
Telephone lO6e nol7
Evening star., 1901-04-02

Wickless Blue Flame Oil Stoves, $500 and
up a. Eberlys Sons. us 1th.
Evening star., 1901-04-02
LAFAYETTE SQU

LAFAYETTE SQUARE OPERA HOUSE.
Many playwrights have mainta aimed with
much ingenuity and equal positiveness that
1t was ethically permissible to take any
subject for play or any sort of concep-
Evening star., 1901-04-02
Make the
Hair Grow

With arm shampoos Of CUTICURA SOAP and
light dressings Of CUTICURA, purest OF emoilient
skin cures. This treatment at once stops falling
hair. removes rusts. scales and dandruff. soothes
irritated, itching surfaces, stimulates the hair
foIicles. supplies the roots with energy and
ishment, and makes the hair grow when all else
fails.
Sold throughout the world. POTTER n. AND @.
CORP. Sole Props. boston. How to Have Beau
tiful Hair" free tul
Evening star., 1901-04-02

Through trains from the South arrive Washing
ton 6:42 am, 6:52 am, 7:35 m. daily 10: il
an daily except Monday. 2:15 pm, and $50
pm: DAILY From Harrisonburg 1857 IN. week
Gays and s:4o pm. daily. From Charlottesville
s:2s am. and 9:40 pm. daily.
Evening star., 1901-04-02
Hoods Sarsaparilla

All our goods sold from original package.
Evening star., 1901-04-02

TRAINS ON BLUEMONT BRANCH
Leave Washington 9:01 am. daily 4:4Q pm
week days and e:25 pm. Sundays for Bluemont
80 pm Saturdays and 435 p. m. week DAYS and
l:2o pm. Wednesdays and SATURDAYS only for
Leesburg. 6:25 pm. week days to Herndon
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-02-12
LAUGHING GAS.

Towson-"Is your daughter finish
ed musician Yorkrode-"Not yet
but the neighbors are making threats. y
Baltimore American.
She-"Were you ever troubled with
dyspepsia?' He-"Yes. that's the way
it affects me."-Yonkers Statesman.
mo. Maude. dear, the fellow who
doesn't pay his club dues is not nee
essarily a dude. e."-Philadelphia Record.
Amateur-"What does it mean in
theatric circles when they say the
ghost walks?'" Veteran Actor-"It
means that the rest of us don't have
to."-Detroit Free Press.
''Bingles is a lucky man; his time
goes right on whether he is waking or
sleeping, sick or we'll" What is Bin
eles' business?" Matchmaker Go
lumbus (O) State Journal.
"Thomas Tibbs is in a receivers
hands" What broke him up?" "Oh,
the tip system got started in his office
and he had to pay extra for every bit
of work his clerks did. indianapolis
Journal.
Mother-"What type is the young
man that our daughter says you met
in New York when you went to bring
her home?" Father-"Well. to judge
from his clothes, / should say he was
poster type" Detroit Free Press
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-02-12
JUST TAFFY THE WIFE.

First clothing salesman-I do hate to
have a man bring in his wife when he
wants new suit. 1t is case of salts
flying two, and the woman is the harder
of the two.
Second ditto-Thats because you
don't know your business. 1 never try
to convince the lady. 1 just compli-
ment her upon the beauty and fine set
of her garments. Then l can shove
any old thing onto her husband and
she will smile sweetly all the while
Boston Transcript.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-02-12

La Grippe Is epidemic catarrh.-it
spares no class or nationality. The cul-
tured and the ignorant. the aristocrat
and the pauper. The masses and the
classes are alike subject to la grippe.
Hone are exempt-all are liable.
Have you the grip? Or, rather. has
tina grip got you? Grip is well named.
~ original French term, la grippe.
has been shortened by the busy Amer
ing to do so a new word has been
coined that exactly describes the case.
As II some hideous giant with awful
GRiP had clutched us in Its fatal clasp.
Men, women. children, whole towns
and cities are caught in the baneful
grip OF a terrible monster.
Pe-ru-aa For Grip.
Mrs. DR.. c. d. Powell. President OF
Epworth League, also President of
Loyal Temperance Legion, writes from
Chehalis. Wash:
81 have used several remedies in
eases of severe colds and la grippe, but
none l consider of more value than
Peruna Mrs. DR.. g. ID. Powell.
After Effects Of La Grippe.
Miss Emma Jouris. President Golden
Rod Sewing Circle. writes from 40 Bur-
ling street, Chicago, ILL.,, as follows:
This spring | suffered severely from
the after-effects of la grippe. As tho
doctors did not seem to help me l
bought a bottle of Peruna."-Miss EN-
ma Jouris
Congressman Howard's Letter.
Fort Payne, Ala.
The Peruna Medicine Co., C0iumbus,
Ohio:
Genfemen---'I have taken Peruna
now for two weeks and find am very
much relieved. feel that my cure
will be permanent. have also taken
II for Ia grippe and I take pleasure In
recon- n7ending PerDna as an excellent
remedy to all fellow sufferers. "---
NV. Howard, Member of Congress.
Grippe Leaves the System in
Deplorable Condition.
D. l.. Wallace, a charter member OF
the International BARRIERS Union,
writes from Is Western avenue. Min
|neapolis, Mimi:
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-02-12
z,algR sfE 1EssSpS pSImE Ii15h{on
8 Ssfa a4f&}Na{324Y;1Sp
COULDN'T STAND THE SPORT.

COULDN'T STAND THE SPORT.
From the Detroit Free Press: When
he returned from trip to his old
home in the eest it. would have been
a disinterested guess that he had been
in a railroad wreck or the fighting por-
tion of the army. He took every ono
of the front steps with his right foot
first, the other following. He gritted
his teeth. made faces and groaned
when he happened to slip.
my gracious, John," from his anx
ious wife.
Drop that, Malissy. haven't got
neuralgia, rheumatism or lumbago.
grip or sciatica. Don't make a scene
and don't go telcphoning for the doc
tor. Ouch!" as he dropped heavily
into an easy chair. Now. now" when
she attempted to approach him. "You
just sit down and listen and have
some sense.
I've got what baseball men call
'cholly hoss.' Veterinary surgeon
Thunder and lightning, Malissy, didn't
I ask you politely to keep still? When
l got down there thought | was kid
again and I wanted to tear around the
old farm Just like l used to. There's
no fool like an old fool. The boys were
going rabbit hunting. 1 went righ.
with them and wasted my breath tell
ing how used TO siay the bunnies. AT
the end of the first mile I was wheez-
ing like tug in distress. But wasn't
going to hoist any signals, and laid It
all to defective bronchial tubes. a
mile farther was plowing heavily and
gasping.
Il struck off into the wood myself.
telling the boys | knew an old rabbit
hole and for them to keep their eyes
peeled. went to sleep in a snow
bank.and was reused by something run
ming by, got to my feet and fired both
barrels. The first killed the dog and
the second peppered the calf of jim
mics leg | hired farmer to take us
home in one-horse wagon and Just as
soon as was able to move about a lit
tie 1 insisted that pressing business re
quired me in Detroit. Where's that ar
MICA liniment?"
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-02-12
IN FORMER DAYS.

Tears clung to the long lashes oi
Egypt's queen, to say nothing of the
headless slave who weltered in his
blood at the foot of her gorgeous di-
van.
1t was plain that the daughter OF
the Pharaohs had received evil tidings
In the streets the newsboys could bt
heard hawking the Evening Monolith
"All about the football camel Cor
inth Latin school. 10l Alexandria Poly
technic, So they were shouting
Now, wouldn't that scald you," fal.
tered the queen. and burst into tears
Detroit Journal.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-02-12
NEw BURGLAR PROTECTION.

AVE- " DGhohAh
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer:
''Yes. sir, Pm going to sell my watch
dog and buy goat"
What for?"
Because just the other day New
Jersey goat whipped the socks of a
big fighting mastiff.'
WAS 1t fair stand-up fight?'
Not for the dog. He couldn't stand
Zip for minute. That goat jumped for
him and jammed a bunch of barks and
growls down his neck before you could
say 'sickem,' When he butted the dog
in the plexus yen could have heard the
hollow reverberation for half a mile
And when the dog turned round to GO
to his corner the goat struck him Just
once on the exposed section and made
him turn three summersaults and a
eartwheel."
Don't you object to the odor of such
a household pat?"
mo. I don't. I want him SO strong
that when burglars catch the effiuvium
they'll say Those people keep a goat
and we'd better mosev right aiong!'"