The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1901-08-06
Y
: The Primury Sistum :
=
The Colonel "Agin'' 1t and Suggests )
}. a Simpler Plan, q "a e - =. !
X Y * Is y X * Xxx Xxx

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IT'S a foine daay fr til party
said the Colonel as he gazed into the
coludless sky, and the noted with sat
isfaction that the thermometer was still
above the hundred mark. '"Th' only
%dlsquiutin' rapports are a rain neal
kiron, but they'se molly black rapub-
llcuns up there anyways. That Ravuw
man thinks he's smart a tellin' tn
pepul whit | SEE, but twas tn trut,
livery wurd av ut, an | don't care eff yez
are mad about ut"
Il don't see why they can't let that
Barter matter rest?;" said Criswell, Il
am sure we are ready to drop it,"
"Shure, Jocky," said the Colonel
IAN thet's whut TIL man sed when he
wuz arristd for KILN his mother-in-
law, and had tn bludy knife in uz han,
he SEE, SEE he, 1 am reddy to drop ut,
seq he"
Whit tickles me tn most on
tinued the Colonel as he looked at the
sad circle OF county officials who were
seated in the auditors office, having
been driven from the shade by too
much publicity, is tibet some fule dim
mycrat has bin a-writin to TIL paypers
about tn, prilnury systum. T'is a joke,
ut is. Doz the fule ma think fr TIL
minut tibet anything will be done
about ut? Not on yer life. IT'S tn
Hiven-born right lis til dimmycrast av
this intilligint county to vote tn way
Romans tells thin. T'is all fr til
best as lit is. Theirs no wear an tear
On tn ~dimmycrats moinds. Iviry offs
is give to tn man whut does TIL bes
wurruk fr tn gang, an it's as ut shud
be. TIL way things is dun now ut
saves eSpens; ct a man fins out tibet tn
gang is again him he en- quitely drop
out av ut an no harrum done. Theirs
Garrett now and George Myers soon's
they finds out that tn gangs fr Hustun
they en- withdr'w hon'rable an without
spenden' tn coin. How wud ut be if
no wan knew who WIZ t get ut til tn
c%onvinshun? Twould make no end
trouble, an ev'ry dimmycrat in til
bunch wud think he wuz as big a man
as Romans er Caswell or Bullock,
which they amt. Tn dimmycratuc
voter mus be KEEP in uz place. He
shud learn t mark a cross in TIL circle
with uz both eyes shut an t. shout at
TIL fright place. Thet's all Their is re-
CURED av thin now an ef they doz
tn gangs down OF them. ! red
ut all vance in a bulk wrote by r.
Croker as is tn Romans av New
Yorruk. Ut was called 'Dimmocrisy
Med Easy, or How t Win Out, an
twas a good wan. TIL primury sys-
tum, as | understands ut, means tibet
when you, Moike, runs again We must
go t tn voters theirsilves insted av a
going t tn Big Three with y'r hat in
yer han an sayin' pleases y'r Hon'rs |
shud like t run again, | have minded
We faithful fr TIL past two years, an
1ev stuck it in t them as we wanted ut
stuck into, an hev boosted them as We
wanted boosted, an hev thried in all
things t do ez you directed Then the
Big Three confers over ut an comes
back an SEE: Did yez give all. TIL
county printin' t Caswell an did we
Whut IF did We keep Stueber in offs
,,fr? DUE y'r luv us trooly, or is ut all
con talk?' An then you squares ut
with EN- an says We won't do ut again
an tbs all right an We goees in a sail
ing. It's a bloomin' sight easier t do
TIL biddin av two or three av thin, than
ut is to feel undher obligation t a
whole county iull OF dimmycrats who
don't eNac'ly know whit they wants
anyways. Thet primury biznes wull
be busted in about thirty minus whin
ut gets t TIL c%onvintion. Some sucker
what thinks he's as big as Roomans
wull get up an say he's in favor NV
ekal rights fr all. That wan dimmy-
crat NJ good as amy other wan. He
wull say tibet TIL vice OF tn pepul's TIL
vice NV God, an shud be heard in TIL
ndmmynashun IF sheruf. Thin all TIL
fellers as is again tn gang will kick
tn flure an mex a large noise wild ther
hands. Thin Romans wull arise ar
sez Romans, seq he 'Tis all a black
republican schame. | WIZ a r%apublicur
wanst meself an | knows how they
is 'Wanst,' SEE he, 1 wuz as name a
republican ez Their WIZ in tn bunch
av thin. But | hev been %convarted,
SEE he, Theirs no principals in tibet
party at all, at all, an no offises fr me
! an | quit EN- cold he SEE. Thus pri.
injury bizness ez a base attimpt t take
tn power from lis OF line dimmycrats
who has fit an dyed fr TIL PARTY II
til past tree years. SEE he. We're tn
MIN WHO ncV llcQ Ql1HoCIlSy Whit Ut IL
t'day,' SEE he, an just as get things III
good runnin' ohrder,' he SEE, AN W.
hez tn offises all PROMISED alled II
TIL mex foure years SEE he, here come
some chump along who hez done moth
in fr TIL PARTY EXCEPT t vote tn
tickut fr til last twinty years al
thries t upset TIL whole bizness with
primury sistum. TIL primury sistun
be daggoned,' continyoos Romans
with a bust OF elikence, is rotten
Pass TIL thing an I'll lave yer OLE
party an join TIL excl suffergist al
thin whut wull yez do? Whin til
dimmycrats hear this treat lit won
tex EN- long t pull in Their horns. The.
knows they can't get along 'ithout il
an they'll vote tibet primury biznes
down too quick"
We'll" said Criswell, that will b
all right, it is just as well to have
few men OF brains run things. al
ways did believe in keeping things i
the family"
..trl,ar; 80 da,,,, chat c,;d ~,