davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-04-10
TROUBLE IN THE OFFICE.

"Why is a woman like an umbrella?"
asked the exchange editor, according
to the Chicago Tribune.
Because she's made Of ribs and at
tached to a stick" replied the infor-
nation editor. why is
Wrong. Guess again"
Because she always has to be shut
up when"
Nav! You fatigue me-"
Because she stands in the hall
and"
Nav! It's nothing about standing
in the hail."
"a woman is like an umbrella be-
cause nobody ever gets the right one.
Why is"
Ring off. That isn't the answer,
either"
Its a better one than you've got"
Don't you reckon know whether 1t
is or not? Whose conundrum is this,
yours or mine?"
well, she's like an umbrella be-
cause-it isn't because she fades with
age, is it?"
You ought to be ashamed OF
yourself.
II am. It's because you have to put
up when it's cloudy or threatening
no, that can't be it. Because she's
good thing to have in the house. Why
is"
You're not within four counties OF
it,"
Because you can't find any pocket
in either. Why is
"No choice. Vote again"
II won't! A woman isn't like an um-
brella. There is not the slightest re-
semblance. You go on with your work
and let me alone"
'T knew you couldn't guess it. It's
because she's accustomed to reign
Then the information editor rose in
his wrath, and they were only preven-
ted from doing mischief to each other
by prompt-and wholly unexpected
work on the part of the labor editor.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-04-10
NO WONDER He BALKED.

A Frenchman thirSting for linguis-
tic superiority recently began course
of English lessons with teacher OF
languages, says the Sheffield (Eng)
News. After toiling conscientiously
through a good many exercises the
following dialogue between the pupil
and his master was overheard:
"I find the English very difficult" D."
complained the Frenchman. How do
you pronounce t-o-u-g-h?
"It is pronounced 'tuff.
"Er, bien, 'tuff;' snuff then, is spelt
s-n-o-u-g-h-, is it not?"
"Oh, no; snuff is spelt Snuff. AS
a matter of fact, words ending in
o-u-g-h are somewhat irregular.
II see; a superb language! T-o-u-g-h
is tuff,' and cough is cuff I have
a very bad cuff"
mo; it is 'coff,' not cuff
Very we'll; cuff, tuff and coff. And
dough is duff eh?"
"Doff,' them"
mo, doh.'"
well, then, what about h-o-u-g-h?'
That is pronounced hook.
"'Hockv Then I suppose the thing
the farmer uses, the p-l-o-u-g-h' is
'pluff.' or is it 'phock, or 'plo" Fine
language-'plO.'
mo, no: it is pronounced 'plow.'"
II shall soon master English. 1 am
sure Here we go. 'Plow, 'coff, 'cuff,
hook and now here is another
f-o-u-g-h: that is row. l suppose!'
"Oh, no, my friend; that's RUIZ
again..
And b-o-u-g-h is buff.
mo; that happens to be bow.
Yes, wonderful language. And l
have just e-n-o-u-g-h Of it; that's
'enou,' is it not?'
mo; 'enuff.'
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-04-10
PIN PL Y
FACES "a
CURED VI

Obstinate deep-seated Eruptions, Blood
Poison, Cancers, Boils, rheumatism, Eat.
ing Sores, Itching Skin and Blood Hm.
mOrs, cured by taking few bottles OF b.
b. b. (Botanic Blood Balm.) Makes the
Blood Pure and Rich and heals all sores.
ulcers, scrofula, and eczema. 81 at drug
stores. Botanic Blood Balm (B. b. b.
thoroughly tested for 30 years. Cures
when all else fails. Try it.
Send cents 10 pay postage on FREQ trial
Bottle. Blood Balm Co, Atlsn'a, Ga.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-04-10

Trains Nos. so and 33 connect at Blacks
burg with trains on the Gaffney Division.
Train No. 80 connects at Camden with
the Charleston Division of the Southern
Railway for all points South.
Train No. SO leaving Camden at IL. 40 p.
M, going West, max es connection at Lam
caster, S. c., with the L. &. G. r. r.. at
Catawba Junction with the 8. A. L., going
North; at Rock Hill with the Southern
Railway going North.
Train No. II connects at Blacksburg
with the Southern Railway from the
South. At Marion, N. c., with the South
ern Railway going West.
SAMUEL HUNT, President,
A. TRIPP, superintendent,
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1901-04-10
Schedule Effective Sept. Is, 1900.

Chester-Southern Ry., S. A. L., and
L. e. G.
Yorkyille-S. C. & G. Extension.
Gastonia-Southern Ry.
Lincolnton-S. A. l..
Newton & Hickory-Southern Ry.
Lenoir-Blowing Rock Stage Line and
G. & N.
E. REID, G.. P. Agent.
Chester, South Carolina.
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1901-11-09

with Messrs. James Armstrong Jr H. r. R. Hertrbers and
DR.. John Oliver Beville as regular contributors. Reeds
Economy will be somewhat the lines Of Brauns lcono
elas and will be devoted the free lance style of jour
nasm.
The Post Acknowledges the receipt Of invitation from
the Corpus Christi Crony attend the carnival and street
fair be held in Corpus Christi on days November
and g. under the auspices Knights OF Pyhiss
There will be Midway tftom which advise the editor
to keep away, and the third day the Sir Knights viii
do their grand gold medal drill OF uniform rank on which
occasion the editor Of the Crony will lie down and roll over
and stand UP and howl penced foot note to The Posts
invitation reads
This Of course just little scheme to work you for an
But in your wen be happy you with sead"
The Posts exchange editor would like be there that
understandings but Brer Henderson forgot to send trans
portaton
Pat Grove showed up in time to himself from a
charge OF having kidnapped the president OF Colomb'ai
Paso Times.
But wen never believe his repentance is genuine until he
brings back General Uribe-Uribe.
Oil has been adopted as fuel by the Houston fire depart
ment Thus does the usefulness OF heproduct OF the Beau
fore houses will be heated and meals cooked with Beaumont
OIL Mark the prcdiction.-BeaHnont Journal
And the kerosene and the hired girl will continue to
do the same old speciality.
6asqd has s99d syor as at Of any other Texas
Better believe than great many towns have had.
Admiral Dewey denies recently printed story the
effect that he taken prisoner when the Confedera de
stroyed his gunboat the Mississippi III managed 10 pull
away IN boat he says, though 100 OF our men were
taken '-IFcohcTori Herald
And by his bravery and fairness he has executed
loop and captured the entire South. Verify everything
comes to him who waits.
The latest thing in automobiles is that lays its own
track.-HoHSou Post
That's nothing. There's hen in Beeville that lays her
brick that lays his brick, songster
that sings his lays and liar that lies his lies
BcsciHc Banner
Keep on the first thing you know you'll have a fisher
man who catches his FISH
The municipal government of Houston is in a pretty
middle. They having much trouble with the police
force with the thieves and thugs.-ShHcr Gassftc.
As much trouble with it would without it, it
we're.
/ ueeu.--Ffal'1ihc Herald.
What's the matter with making peas duke and string
! beans carl Marshall Messenger
You fellows funny. We have any truck
with YOU
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1901-11-09

,i,s, him and he enjoys reputation for teroeiy na'
vcr,s ordinary persons from approaching him. ~ Is gun"
,ohsble that he has undeservedy been given nao hs
While he is undoubtedly trhe Grabbed in his once 0
,non him at his home find him congenia as the
~ mankind and that is paying him very fair compliment
II Is not an inspiring sight to sec man III INC u
% an American soldier of marine acting as eoaehnan 10 '
fiv NJ his superior officer but it is one that washington
ians are familiar with Not day passes thar men
the martial blue are made to perform sueh ne''a
here The custom is attracting much comment anu ~
the of5cers guilty Of such misuse Of their authorV 10 nv
speedily recognize the improperly OF the proeeeas
cross NAV take hand TO work reform. Oniteu o'aeS
senator smoke very strongly about the practice today
~ i disgusting thing to men VINO nave Gu
listed to fight for their country being put to playing inc
lsckev 10 the little tin gods of the army and marine 9os
he said only this morning fine looking young iei-
low who seemed keeny to feel his position driving COUPE
f stout aged ladies about the shopping districts venture
- cav that man entered the service from love OF adventure
and to degrade him in such is an outrage uhes
the army and navy officials themselves take eoshiLa -
these abuses shall certainly take upon myself to nave 'ne
senate PROFOUND queries to them when congress
conveSs"
Senator Bate Of Tennessee has the reputation OF Oe"s
the most honest man in congress He has never ridden on
railroad pass but during the last session he did something
that oyertopped even this He had been drawing certain
amount of mileage for travel between Washington ana MS
home when he suddenly changed his Some time later
after he had been receiving the amount OF money nc
found that the route shorter than the ou oe anu
he promptly returned the the excess OF mileage
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1901-11-09
y PAGES TO-DAY.
SENATOR HoAR's oBLloulTY.

Senator Hoar OF Massachusetts, the senior senator
from that State. recently invited TO deliver eulo-
gy of the late President Mckinley in Massachusetts
town. Senator Hoar refused, the ground that he
could not laud the principal measure of whose
administration" was so distaseful to him that even
upon such an occasion he could not overlook it,
The Post has quarrel with the senator from Mas
Bachusetts account Of his opposition to imperialism
No doubt Senator Hoar perfectly sincere in his
pressed belief that the extension of boundaries to
other far away countries and the incorporation with
US OF millions of people of different race color, Ian
guage customs and religion is fraught with serious
danger the country. The Post agrees with Senator
Hoar and adds the moral reason, which the senator
has overlooked, that the subjugation of foreign
people, by force of arms, in of conquest, is
wrong, that it constitutes a National crime.
The Post has the right to its opposition to the poll
of Imperialism. The Post has always supported the
democratic party, and in the last election advocated
with all of its strength the principles of that party
prominent among which is the principle of antim
perialsm But there is consistency in the position
of the senator from Massachusetts, After denouncnr
imperialism which he still denounces he voted the re
publican ticket He spoke against Imperialism and
voted for IT, What he himself calls the principal
measure of the last administration he denounced as
wrong and then voted for what he denounced and st
denounces wrong.
Senator Hoar is of the Oldest public men both
in years and length of public service now in public
life 1t is the privilege and duty OF old men to afford
an example to the young men of the country What
sort of an example is this? Shall we charitaby sup.
pose that the is in his dotage that it is case
of when the age is in, the wit is out" has he not
the courage to vote according to his convictions or
least, to refrain from voting altogether and show at
least some semblance Of principle? Does the senior
senator from Massachusetts, lead double life political
ly and enact the role of Dr. Jeky in his advocacy OF
public measures and turn into Mr. Hyde when he
comes to vote?
There is nothing under the sun more deserving OF
reverence than old man honorable. From the
earliest ages white hairs and wisdom and goodness
and wise counsel and good example have always beer
associated together There is also nothing undo the
sun that affords sadder spectacle than man who
has reached old without attaining virtue who is
doubleminded and unstable in all his ways who says
one thing and docs another, who is unprinciped or IL
he has principles has not the courage to act up tc
them. Who can feel anything but contempt for the
preacher who recks not his own rede?
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1901-11-09

eral great calamtes to contend withcalamites that
tried his metal and proved it of standard fneness The
Brazos and Colorado floods and the Galveston storm
with their attendant losses Of property and life and
consequent disaster among the experiences of
his first term. How he acquitted himself in both and
similar though less noted instances is familiar his
tory Night and day he labored for the relief Of the
unfortunate victims in each case taking care that
every particle Of help contributed for their benefit
reached them in equitable proportions.
In other particulars the governor has done equally
we'll With reduced rate of taxation, general reve-
nue. balance has been maintained in the State treasury
without stinting State Institutions Existing eleemos.
ynary institutions have been placed an excellent
footing their capacity almost doubled and their adj
minstration improved and modernized Their number
has also been added TO and provision made for
and additional higher educational facilities The avail
able free school fund has been carefully nursed and in
creased and the penal Institutions, in spite of losses
by fire and food have been maintained profit
earning basis and the first steps taken in the direction
of aboshng the Objectionable lease system Railroad
building has been stimulated; industrial development
has progressed at steady pace and with certain and
substantial prospects of unlimited future scope.
When the final accounting shall be had Savers ad
minisraton will not suffer by comparison with those
OF his distinguished predecessors
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1901-11-09
GOVERNOR SAVERS, ADMINISTRATION.

Texas exchange suggests that Governor Sayers
is either the least understood or the most maligned
man who has held the Office during the past twenty
years"
The latter alternative is probably the correct term
in this case.
In the opinion of his friends and those best able to
judge. Governor Sayers has served the State with
credit TO them and himself. too That lie has made
mistakes they ready TO admit but It is easy for
them to show they neither fatal nor greater than
the mistakes Of other similarly situated He has
never posed as great statesman, laid claims to
dazzling brilliancy Conservatism is his chief charac-
terstic while his devotion to day and concern for
strict accounting for every dollar of the peoples
money proyerbial.
Governor Sayers has not escaped the cruel shafts
of SANDER. All honest public officials or less
subject to the attacks of eyilinded deractors Firm
IN his rugged integrity, and wise from long experience
with wouldbe spectators in official emoluments the
governor has had frequent occasion raise his hand
70 stay the progress of schemers who had presumed
upon his supposed good nature and sought to job their
way through to some particular snap of their liking
hence the food of cruel soulsickeeag truth-despisng
utilization that has been turned loose upon him.
During the three years that he at the head
pt the State government Governor Sayers had
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1901-11-09
rhe Lordly American Farmer.

To the Editor of The Post.
There is nothing on earth In human kind ina I
mates the American farmer He is nothing n'
He is the most independent creature living nc =
most everything he needs "a few that he does nov ~
does not care whether school keeps or not ~ :.
little as any about politics and prices nc -.
work for living, and no external power inhuei.', .
tine duties. He expects things as they are anu
goes his way of thinking He feels he is ahead Of y
tons worker, and lie prides himself IN tn'' '1
He realizes from the papers" that he made more (
than last especially in cotton, and if the price
made more than enough in fact, he makes 50 ~,
his crops that more influences should be brought y
hold him in bounds so that at least he should mo- !,
work, and he should read but little, The imnens' !
for cotton should be reported spasnodicaliy 50
wings and Danish his good feelings OF better p'ss
trouble from China, England or Germany IN sI /.
should be brought forth lower prices JUST i's5
the American farmer that he is not the power rs -
A bank failing ship sinking a prominent - 4,
dying, splendid weather poor business proSp'sr Il
receipts war clouds, political complications W 81
poets in India, Egypt anywhere else SINUS ma
down prices Factories shutting down. sulH ne',r
steel had news from Japan, comet IN inc .,r,s
any idea of anything that will make the S'D 80.
panicky is what should be constantly in the pu',
on the business brain. oh, forgot TO snug, d,
amount left over from last year should =. !,
other thought because, you know, it viii shei
forks of the creek good, and cotton will go s"''
ket, the place it was raised to reach. ars
If we can have scarce money, few DEBTS A'' n.
tuating prices it, too, will bring cotton Hvl "a
places and get it on the move. That to MAKE .sas
lieve "he is the thing" he should be taught ms
his superiority over others, that supply ana % 4,
prices, give him cigar. drink good 's,Is n
every idea of combination or influence that "a !,
to bear that he is owned in fee simple ~
through the channels of trade" ms
If was not farmer | might not wan .hs truA
things for Christ was crucihed for teachins ~ Of
vulging business methods" is an eXidehssd 10
ignorance bad manners and bacIwoodlsh a hs ,as
would be bad il the farmer received nan ior te
products and thousands for others ana teh' B.
| be checked.
Columbus, Texas, November A. 1901.
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1901-11-09
DEMOCRACY is ALL RIGHT.

The democratic party can with reason count Tues
days elections anything but reverse
The democrats in Kentucky and Maryland,
where success doubtful and regained two United
States senators. In New Jersey they reduced the re-
publican majority to such extent that hope may be
entertained of carrying that State next time.
The republicans triumphed only where success was
practically certain, and except in Iowa made
great display of strength AS New York city the
suit simply indicates that fusion with republicans
fuses only when the object of its attacks is democratic
Tammanys defeat being attributable solely to demo-
cratic assistance said assistance having been lent
the purpose of working a change in the handling of
municipal affairs
There is nothing in all Of this to indicate that there
is anything wrong with the democracy that it is APP
parenty at in matters of policy and organization,
or that 1t is in absolute need of REORGANIZATION as
the mouthpeces the republican aid societies of 1896
would have it.
Success might of course, have been more pro-
nounced for the democrats but that it not is evil
dence of nothing but continued suling the part of
the element which instrumental eight years ago
in turning the country to the republicans And
that is the element which talking of reorganza.
while holding ont in the camp of the enemy; that
is the element which has nothing better than hints
return to Clevelandism to ofer as a means to the
restoration of democratic supremacy
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1901-11-09


i quctol Is iI' w"It 'i -en sndi lake an m
tics alone to sift him AS wheat to c hmm y; ] y %
a catspaw rake nuts to satisfy their
wise run all to partisan politics The News takes the neg
"G,''S''" Ne'''
I'VE 'v"S "''7Sa''S 'nV question: ~ Is "Ho'her the
hal itI and
abeed "bIoces-ofhyc" Huston in 1906 in his attempt to
rccarpcbag Texas "rcoreauizc' the democratic party
II IIvvo CuANG is dead lie kept his coffin with him
until the last.
rocks apan was saved by the fact that she had
double bottom This is the first inmaton have ever re-
ccved that army transports busles
THHFE is little doubt that Sampson is as badly
scared Potts was
his way his macsys presence order 70 advise
the dscontnuance OF the in South Africa That Dutch
ought to have Chamberlan's job
DouaILEss Richard Croker will hereafter be firm be-
lever in the power OF the press.
-
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1901-11-09
EXCHANGE INTERVIEWS.

A. w. Ewns, OF the who founded the old Pal
esne Advocate in 1885, has purchased the Oawoods Sun
of W. f. Booiman, OF the Conroe Courier Mr. Ewing
has been in the business nearly all his life NJ
b. Ewing who has been Palestine papers number Of
years will be business Of the enterprise The
name of the Sun will be changed TO the Oakwoods Call
The Call will probably its first next week.
La Sales lsonomy which has been published week,
y newspaper at Coulla for the past years has been
moved San Antonio and will hereafter be published as
monthly magazine Of from twenty pages II
will be called Reeds Ison0my and edited by Guy Reed
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1901-11-09
NATIONAL CAPITAL STORIES.

"Onc time when was member OF congress, and
hanging around Washington with nothing do but
for the interests of my constituents said Private John Allen
OF Mississippi recently, "a certain millionaire, who
sorry relate still in the land the living came up to
day and said John am going up Niagara for
couple OF weeks, and l would like for you to come along
with me Visions OF sporty time, with nothing pay for
It, before my MUD aud accepted the invitation with
aacrity Well when ne struck the railroad station my mil
onare friend somehow had mislaid his pocketbook the
instant and there nothing for do but put up the
cash for the ordinary Pullman tickets for the round trip
Then when beug Whiried northward, and be-
incumbent upon a few skens he did not tear
his pockets resurecng the cash. and that
settled for all-the meals. too.
AT Niagara he insisted that should go to the best
hotel and he ordered all the that accessible
the outside he walk than three steps and
somehow it always occurred that the carriage hire up
He was be found when the hotel bill was pre-
scented, that when it time for go back Wash
had my salary hook for year advance When
did strike the capital and boarded car for home
from force of habit my hand into my pocket pull
forth the necessary dime But here my friends generosity
asserted itself Placing his hand upon the which my
pocket searching hand pendant he said the
gagng possible, Tut, tut John of that pay
for this. Keep your money in your purse thought that
dreaming but enough he did pay the fare and
seemed think he had acquitted himself with extraordinary
credit in doing So.
Secretary Hay once employed typical English cockney
as coachmau The first evening he was in the prcnlie
service he had drive his White House func
The weather bitter cold and the coachman joined
some of his guild at the White House grounds
where slightly bcuddled ali and af and kim
drcd liquors. Mr.. Hay every knows. lives on II
opposite Lafayette square Lack of acquaintance with
the ueghhorhood combined with the conyvaites of the
evening conspred make the coachnau mistake the route
Driving up large house in street he pulled his horses
to sandsll and announced in his CHEEKY British way
One sir The secretary at OWNED the mistake and
also the condition his man. whom he began mildly
to task.
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1901-11-09
A Permanent Affair.

Philadelphia Ledger.
The business arguments for permanent census bureau
have been frequently urged and their cogency has
been denied The political argument that it will make pIace
for large number OF eongessmens constituents is equally
strong its way, and the wonder that all these
induced establish the bureau befor t
time They should be sufficient induce such action In The
near future 4 :" 'he
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1901-11-09
Mother Love.
Wichita Herald.

Wichita Herale
Negro Mammy-You Ephyhaml You Aiexandu' Ham.r
ton You Mlindyi Come in hyar. You orter be sbam,d
yoseves out dar payin wild dem white Come in hyar
thing yon know you gyine be disgacin like Mr.