Hot Springs weekly star. (Hot Springs, S.D.) 1892-1917, 1901-07-12

aat&s5Sa8 saa:
Tcacher-What is an unknown guam
tity? Coal Dealers Son-A ton of coal
-Tit-Bits.
"How ignorant Miss Swamper is Of
history" ',Sra inherits it. Her fathes
is an historical novelist."-Life.
Papa, what is q syndicate" MY
son, it is a body of human beings en-.
tirely surrounded by money.'-Ex.
In These Days of Weddings: The
MotLer-She says s!..'!l elope. The
Father-iet her do it. It's cheaper
Life.
Stern l'ater-Jolnny. what must you
do first of all to have your sins for
given? Johnny-Commit the SINS
Yale Record.
Hewitt-Mrs. Gruet has presented
hes alsband with twins. .Jewett-
You'v. got funny ideas about presents.
Town Topics.
Householder Ito suspicious c%haracter)
What do you want? Suspicious Char.
acte. tthoughtfully)-Well, dunnoi
what yer sot:-Harlem Life.
Circus Undergraduates all that ROY
in the drcssing-room? Attendant-Oh,
tie man who walks barefoot on swords
IAN n splitter in his foot.-Ohio State
Journal.
Miss G%arlinghorn is n blonde, is she
noty" asked Rivers. Nee brunette"
4 answered Brooks, with q somewhat
Gallo play of the intellect. as it were
Chicago Tribune.
All Honor to Funston: Reider-T'm
glad that most of Funston's party, that
captured Aguinaldo, were natives,
Scanlan-Why? Reider-They won't be
able to write magazine articles.-Brook.
Ign Life.
His Able Proxy: MY wife makes me
stand round-I can't deny that"
doesn't it humiliate you?" mo; oul
baby is the living image of me-and he
makes her stand round."-Chicago Rec.
ord-Herald.
You admit that the audience howled
and whistled through the whole three
acts of your play, and you say it might
have been worse? How could 1T"
'sThere might have been five acts.'-
Philadelphia Times.
"I'l have to leave your service. sir"
said the coachman to the trust mag
nate. Pm sorry to hear that, John.
Why?" Every time 1 drive you out,
sir, 1 hear people say: "There goes the
coo,,o1 =, ,ol , orI T .5onsk 1vo,r, x,I;o1, Df
us they ean.'-Philadciphia Times.
Double-hurry Cali: Little Freddie
Please, Mr.. Druggist, papa wants a
bottle of liniment, and mamma wants
a bottle of china cement. right away.
Druggist-Al right; what's wrong?
Freddie-Mamma hit papa with the
Observation-Disclosures American.
Customer-And is this chair really al
antique piece of furniture? Dealer
Antique, madam! There's no doubt
about that Why, NJ ~as ST, T'c.rm-
eaten when 1 bought it that L had to
hAysa new back and Il new seat and
three new legs made for it.-Tit-Bits.
The Final Argument: Yes, he's a fine
tidog, Uncle Rastus, and I'd like to own
sMihiln, but your price is IL little too high"
"Bettah git i'm while yo' kin, Cunnel
Hawkins. Mistah Peahpont Mawgan
might wan to buy him some o desc
days, an der whah'd yo' be?'-Chicago
Tribune.
Did She Accept Him?: Tess-He pro-
posed to her in rather n grewsome
way. Jess-Why, l understood he
merely asked her to share his fortune.
Tess-No, he asked her If she would
care to share his lot. They were walk
ing in the cemetery ut the time.-Phil-
adelphia Press.
A Conservative Choice: Miss High
step-'Scuse nah bluntness. honey, but
why did you marry such u homely
man? Mrs. Washington-Wa-al, I pre-
ferred a homcly husband dat would
stay home an wiring nah clothes rad
der dan a handsome niggah dat would
kite aroun' an wiring nah hearth
Puck.
What She Would Have-"For in
stance. Johnnie" said the teacher to the
bright boy of the arithmetic class. sup
pose your father had q hundred dollars
and gave your mother fifty, and then
borrowed ten from her-what would
she have?" "She'd have a sore hand.'
What do you mean::" He'd have to
cut the money loose from her fingers"
Baltimore American.
Accommodating-"Comc back us soon
as possible" said her mistress to Mag
gle, who was going home in response
to a telegram saying her mother was i'll.
"Yes. num-" promised Maggie. A day
81 two later a letter came: Dear Miss
Smith: / will be back mex week pleas
kep my place. for me mother is dying
as fast as she can To oblidg Maggie
~Lippincott's Magazine.
81 am afraid you don't understand
the value of a dollar" said the very,
rich mar to his son. perhaps not"
answered the young man; Sin this age
of billioDaires one dollar is an import