Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-31

patriots I go to be unanimously noml-
mated for the mayoralty. You-you, VINO
haven't the slightest interest in the well
fare of the country, can sit here ana
chew gum and read your novel,"
With that he passed down the hail ana
banged the door behind him, and as his
footsteps echoed on the walk Mrs. Bow
ser and the cat looked al each other and
smiled Mr. Bowser headed for an empty
store two blocks away which had been
fitted up as headquarters. and as he en-
tered the place he found about so of the
faithful waiting for his appearance.
'Hurrah for old honesty Hurrah for
the man who will save America" they
shouted as he entered. and he couldn't be
blamed for feeling a glow of satisfaction
spread all over him.
When he had shaken hands with a
score or so of his admirers. the man who
had taken 1t upon himself to boss things
took him aside and whispered:
"You see how the boys feel Every one
of them is positively aching to lay down
his life for his country. That five bought
two kegs of beer, but you'd better dupli-
cate it. We don't want their enthusiasm
to get dry until you are nominated"
But L don't propose to buy my nomi-
nation" protested Mr.. Bowser -
Tut, tut, man. It's only beer to keep
the boys shouting. You can slip me the
money, and they'll think it's from me-"
Mr.. Bowser slipped Then there were
shouting and hurrahing. and the boss got
up on a chair and said that America was
going to the dogs. She had become cor
rupt, dishonest and evil to the core, and
if something was not done at once they
might even look for the green goods game
to be played in the White House. Some
thing would be done, however. Mr.. Bow
ser, honest. upright and patriot to the
core had consented to throw himself into
the breach and become a second George
Washington. They We're there for the
purpose of nominating him as mayor, and
he was there for the purpose of accepting
the honor and pledging himself to rescue
the country from its shame and degrada-
ton. Before proceeding to nominate they
would proceed to imbibe.
The welkin rang with cheers, and the
country was almost saved. 1t is due TO
Mr.. Bowser to say that he wanted to
keep beer and honest government separ-
ate, but he was in the hands of his
friends and was overrued Ten minutes
later all was ready for the nomination,
when hitch occurred. 1t was discovered
that all the beer kegs were empty. 1t
was only when fresh one was rolled in
that patriotism again glowed in the
breasts of the crowd Then the boss
stood up and eulogized Mr.. Bowser and
nominated him for mayor and predicted
that any blamed American citizen who
had the cheek to run against him would
be showed under to the depth of six feet,
with a crust on top, Then Mr.. Bowser
got up and accepted the high honor
That might have been what he was talk
ing about or not, but the patriots -
construed it, and he was happy. AS he
got down from his chair more beer was
rolled in. and as many honest men as
could get around him demanded office
under his administration. They wanted
to repudiate corruption and assist him to
save the country. His promises were
given right and left. and when they asked
him to sing The Star Spangled Banner
and 1.-THE Sword of Bunker Hill to fur
Their strengthen the bond between them,
he did his best and was heartily cheered
AT O'Clock in the morning Mrs. Bow
ser and the cat were still sitting up.
and cuss words on the steps, and after
many efforts key turned in the lock
and the door banged open. Then some
thing fell with a bang and a grunt, and
a voice said:
Now, then, you old snooZer. you are
home in your own house, and be burned
to YOU"
When the door had closed Mrs Bowser
went down to the hall to see what had
happened. Mr.. Bowser sat with his back
to the wall. his legs outstretched and his
head hanging down. He was hatless,
and his coat and vest were badly torn,
and when she examined his pockets she
found that he hadn't cent left.
We'll. Mayor Bowser," she said as she
stood back and looked him over
''Zhe country shall be shaved-shall be
shavedH' he mumbled as he tried to raise
his head
Then she turned out the gas and went
up stairs, and the cat walked away and