davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
SOME coURTMARTIAL HumoR.

I is RARE that sentence Of twenty years in prison
causes defendant to go into transports Of Joy,
but that happened in the Philippines not long ago.
The joy didn't last great while however. 1t all hap
pened at a dgnifed eourtmartial Filipino had most
improperly murdered one of his fellow country1nen
Tho evidence all against him, and he found
guilty with the death penalty attached
Before the sentence of the court could be executed
likewise the Filipino it was found that the condemned
had so far forgotten himself to sIay another
Filipino, fact of which the court had no knowledge
when he was first tried Thereupon the officers con
vened again The defendant was tried on the second
charge, and, mitigating circumstances were deve-
oped he let off with sentence of twenty years in
prison.
The defendant was delighted He naturally enough
supposed that he would be allowed do his time in the
second before he paid the penalty exaoed in the
first. It occurred to the poor, benighted and
downtrodden barbarian that his disembodied spirit
would be expected to languish in the pententary He
doomed TO disappointment. As the sentences could
not coneUFrently the court decided that he must
hang first and go to prison afterwlrd.
This course was adopted. To humane people it
must seem most unrighteous proposition. Here IS the
poor fellows spoOk doing time In a most mcon fort
able CELL when it ought TO be enjoying the blessings of
a Filipino heaven other place, as the case may be-
1t does seem too Rad.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

4nG uuU4LAa4 NlUU.
A judge q the Court of Technically
and Presumption. at Ghargaroo. re-
eeived q letter from lady in BaHy-
bazoo. who he had known a long
time before The lady asked him if
he had any knowledge of her son, of
whom she had heard nothing for TWEEN
" years. In reply he assured her that
he had. and begged to remain her
obedient servant
The anxious mother at once went to
GhargaTOO for tidings of her son. Re
plying to her questioning, the Judge
Informed her that he had met the boy
at her home in BaEybaz0O before his
disappearance, and had observed that
the lad HAD wart on the left side of
his nose
And you suffer me" said the lady,
ito make a long and costly journey
just to learn that-all Of which 1 knew
before,"
BaIlybazoo is outside my jurisdic-
ton, the Judge explained 4 could
not serve you with a writ of ne exeat
regno.
But why" persisted the lady, did
you not tell me that was all you
knew"
Madam, you asked me if 1 had any
knowledge Of him-there was no other
question before me. You did not ask
me what my knowledge was"
A President who had overheard the
conversation was so impressed by the
Judges most judicial answer that he
appointed him an Associate Justice of.
the Supreme Court, and inviting his at
tentlon to an important case then
pending, directed him to decide against
the appellant
Copyright, 1901, by W r. Hearst.)
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
DMkgungarne
By william G. Jacksoa.
The Turkey Gives Thanks.

The Turkey Gives Thanks.
I'm jHst an ordinary, everyday
Turkey gobbler.
get all / want TO eat;
Consequently, my poetry
Will probably fail
To make a hit
With pOsterity-
But. with thanksgiving day
Approaching.
] find I have SO much
Fer which to give thanks
That I cant refrain from
Bursting into song.
it is true that 1 can see my
Finish.
But there are lots worse
Things In the world
Than dying
For instance,
ON Thanksgiving day
I won't be lured
Into eating
So much roast turkey
And dressing,
And cranberry sauce,
And lobster salad.
And mince patties.
That I viii dream all night
OF tailor bills
And visits from my wife's
Mother.
And wake UP to thsee meals
off a cold and bOny
Carcass,
And then get it in a stew,
And again
in q salad.
And on-the morning of the
Fourth day
in a hash,
And for many days thereafter
Find pale particles
And faint flavors
OF it in the
Soup.
All. me: 1 indeed have
Many things
TIE be thankful for,
And not the least of these
is the fact
That none Of my children
Play football.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
A Faulty Rigging.

A donkey, famous throughout Gam
besia for pious devotion to the god of
his imagination, was trying to convert
q mole.
your makeup and habits" said
the donkey, give a significant hint of
your fate is you do not embrace the
truth and worship the Hoot-Owl of
our fathers. In the life to come, as in
this, your course viii be downward
To the dark"
And you. said the mole" will fly
upward to the celestial pastures rich
IN thistles?"
Certainly
Wen" said the mole, absentIy be-
ginning a tunnel to the root of a val
uabie tulip, lit win be a performance
worth seeing-with your wings set so
far forward"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
The Reformed Anarchist.

A famous anarchist wrecked at
sea was cast ashore upon the
island of GowqueeChy, inhabited
bv the ancient and powerful tribe of
Tumtums He was found and taken
before the Panjandrum, who asked
him what was his political faith
Eve ask all strangers that the
Panjandrum explained, Tin the hope
that some day we shall hear of po-
litical principles that are superior to
ours"
Il am an anarchist" answered the
stranger. 4 hold that all government
is wicked. all laws are oppressive. 1
teach that all Panj2ndra should be
assassinated."
The monarch called his Prime Min
lister to his side and giving him some
whispered instructions retired.
The next day when the Prime Min
lister had presented himself at the
palace and had eaten a handful of
clay. as court etiquette required. he
was asked BY the Panjandrum for
news of the anarchist.
May Your Majesty's tomb stand
forever" said the Prime Minister. Il
had him taken TO the baths and care
fully washed all over. Then his hair
was trimmed and cOmbed, and he was
Itots-tu III new anu OlcdlA Sal lilCito VI
the finest quality"
"Weu?''
When asked, according to Your
Majesty's instructions, if he was still
an anarchist, he replied that no treat
lnent however harsh and cruel could
alter his convictions"
Indeed exclaimed the Panjan-
drum, with the detected air of one de-
prived Of q cherished illusion, then
my theory of the unity of dirt and an
archism is overthrown."
mo. Your Majesty said the Prime
Minister. mot overthrown-merely set
aside for revision"
Put the fellow to death at once"
shouted the irritable monarch.
"Trhat," said the Minister, I'VE can
not do; he died ten minutes after we
put him into clean clothing
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
Anent Teeth

Il notice in the morning paper" re-
marked Newton Benedict at the break
fast table, that there has been found
the skeleton of a mastOdon which had
teeth weighing nearly ten pounds each
] can't see what the beast would want
with such large food grinders.
why not2' queried Mrs. 3. L under
stand il was a very large animal"
Yes answered Newton, looking mood
lily at a plate OF homemade biscuits. but
you must remember il lived many thou
sand years before cooking schools We're
even thought Of"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

riding. Il have had many women riding with me- he
goes on, "and never yet did one of them say: Don't
go so fast A man wal say Are we not going tao
fast But woman never. You can never go too fast
for All she thinks about it the fun of 1t, and
never realizes the danger the possibilities of
eide..ta
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
A Welcome Immigration.

A Ion dining on a man was asked
bye passing jackal what the man
had done TO displease him.
Nothing at al" was the reply; ION
the contrary, he has given me great
pleasure. Men OF his trade are much
needed in this country, and should not
be made TO feel themselves unWel-
come"
His trade" said The iackaI. what
was his trsde?"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
FABLES AND
ANECDOTES
By Ambrose Bierce.
The Statesman and Bis Hopes.

The Statesman and bis Hopes.
A STATESMAN running for Office
"A had the bad luck to fall and break
/ 4 his heart. As he lay bewailing his
hard fate the office of which he had
been in pursuit came back to him,
keeping just out of reach.
MY poor friend" said the Office,
what was your business with me-"
Il wanted to hold you" the sufferer
explained.
Il should think" the Office said, re-
proachfully. that it would be much
easier to so home and hold the baby.
Alas" said the unfortunate states
man, my home is in WyOTado, and
nv wife is Mavor of Maverick-there
is no baby"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
Reversing the Rule.

Smith-They say that the bandit chief
is in love with Miss Stone
Smythe-That may be, but when wealth
flies in through the window, love will go
out through the door
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

Ar-embolism is the latest thing for weary mortsls
TO duck Philadelphia died of it the other dav.
1t swelied him up like balloon and he wsn5 up Air
embolism Is fortunately rare. It is caused by pune
ture OF the lungs of sufficient dimensions to allow the
arr to escape and work Its way between The tissues and
INTO the veins and arteries When the pressure becomes
sufficiently great the blood held back and the heart
stops beating
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
Purse-proud.

Mrs. Tawkbak-Ars. Harddup has been
shopping every day this week.
Mr.. Tawkbak-Has she fallen heir to
some money!
Mrs. Tawkbak-Oh my, no; but some
body gave her a silver-mounted purse TOR
a birthday present
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
A slippery Route.

She-Someone has said that failures are
the stepping stones to success.
He-Yes, they are the kind that fly up
ana nit you on the back of the head as
soon as you step on them.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

pc Ogden Standard criticises The Herald for at
tempting to forecast the appointments of F{o W1vor
elect Giasnann Excuse-us, Willie We didn't know #
was crime, although we did know it was powerful
dangerous to try to guess one minute what Won would
do the next. 0i'O
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

New York has citizen named Dimitri Kasisniai
kean II that doesn't look like the dream Of deirious
printers devil we are willing to pass the h,,ek
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24

New Yorker is kicking because hia attornev re-
tanned three-fourths Of Judgment as lis fee Some
clients mighty unreasonable.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-24
The Indicial Mind

"He was a lion hunter" said the
king of beasts
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-06-28
MORE JUNE WEDDINGS.

On Thursday morning at S:45 o'clock w. s. Barnes, M. D., the popular young doctor of Howard avenue, and Miss Charity B. Hyde, of 2S2 Wash ington street, were united in holy we'd lock at the parsonage of the Grace M E. church, 230 Portsea street. Rev. Ar thur J. Smith officiated, The bride wore dainty costume of white organ die, After a short trip to the Pan American exposition they will reside at 332 Howard avenue.
 Elson F. Beeoher, of Torrington, and Frances Munson, of this ctiy, were married at the parsonage of the Grace M. F. church Sunday evening, June 23. Rev. A. J. Smith performed the cere- mony.
 Miss Hattie F. Downs and George F. Adams we're married by Rev. A, J. Smith June 15, at the Grace Methodist Episcopal parsonage.
 Joseph A. Miller, of this city, and Miss Emma Gable, of New York city. were united in marriage last evening at 7:30 at the Grace M. F. parsonage. Rev. A. J. Smith performed the cere- mony.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-06-28
CUT HIS THROAT.
Howard w. Dobbs, of Monarch Laun-

Howard w. Dobbs, of Monarch Laun- dry Company, Ends His Life. Overcome by nervous prostration, 1 from which he had suffered several months, Howard w. Dobbs, of 499 Win throp avenue ended his life yesterday morning at 2 o'clock by cutting his throat. MT Dobbs was secretary of the Monarch Laundry company. He was thirty eight years old and had been un- der doctors care the past six months, being possessed with the idea that he was becoming insane. Four months ago he was sent to a sanitarium in Kingston, N. Y. He was lonesome and ill at ease and his brother Charles went there Tuesday and brought How ard home Wednesday. He was in fair ly good spirits when he retired We'd nesday night and his relatives felt that the change had done him good.
 Early yesterday morning his brother Charles, who occupied the room with Howard, was awakened by groans and found Howard kneeling beside the bed with his throat cut from ear to ear. Blood was gushing from the awful wound and the man was expiring. Dr. Pallman was called but the man was beyond aid.
 The deceased leaves, besides his mother. his father, Andrew B. Dobbs, the treasurer of the Monarch company; his brother, Charles M; a sister, and William H. Dobbs, the eldest son, who is employed by Peck Brothers. c. W. Dobbs, of the Journal and Courier, is an uncle of the deceased.
 Howard ". Dobbs was educated at Dwight grammar school and at the Hillhouse high school His funeral will take place on Saturday.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-06-28

avenue Baptist church Wednesday ev- ening, was returned to him yesterday noon by Frank Page of East Pearl 1 street. Page went to Santrys house with the wallet the evening it was l lost but not finding him, kept it until yesterday. MT Santry was very glad l to recover the wallet as 1t contained some valuable accounts besides the cash.
 The schooner Sarah Ann Carpenter, which came into the Quinnipiac5 river, | discharged cargo of sea sand for | the Warner Miller company. Other boats just arriving for the same com pany are the Wardell, with fire proof ing; the c. L. Haynes, with 1,500 bar rels of Rosendale cement; the Warner Miller and Buffalo Enquirer with S,2OO barrels of Portland cement, and the Rancocas with plaster and cement. Another barge is nearly due 1,4OO barrels of Rosendale cement for the same company.
 Reports from the Fulton oyster mark ct. New York, state that there is some | little demand for oysters. mostly for local or nearby trade, All the deal CTS in shell stock are doing as much as can be expected at this season.
 Samuel R. Blatchley has sold to John Dinean, 40 feet of land on Lloyd street
 Several years ago some of the Fair Haven residents received letters pur- porting to come from an incarcerated wealthy distant relative in Spain-the kind of letter which has been shown up l in the press times without number the past twenty years. Such letter has just been received in Deep River These letters all request small loan so that the relative can get out of con- finement and a fortune is promised in time to the American relative. The | letters received here did not secure any reply so far as can be learned.
 Rev. Joseph Cook, the well known lecturer, who died at his summer home at Tlconderoga, N Y, on Monday, made many trips to Fair Haven on a visit to relatives and spoke a number of times in the First church. His wife is a daughter of Mrs. Willis fleming way and sister of F. H. Hemingway of Lenox street. Five or six years ago he was very ill with Bright's disease, but had recovered sufficiently so that he was able to resume featuring consid erably the past year. In the spring he had severe attack of the grip and from its effects his old trouble became augmented, finally resulting in death. Mr. Cook owned large farm In Ticon- deroga and was born there. Mrs. Hemingway, his mother-in-law went on to Ticonderoga several weeks ago and will be able to attend the funeral services.
 The Comforting Circle of Kings Daughters, connected with the First Baptist church, held its first summer outing with Mrs. John Shepard, at her home on Falrmont avenue Wednesday afternoon and evening Twenty-Five of the members were present. The gather
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-06-28

To cure cold quickly-use Grown La Grippe Tablets City Drug Store. e44 Chapel street.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-06-28
Etna1tcta1
THE STOCK MARKET
General Drop Caused by the Seventh
 Nationals Failure.

New York, June 27.-There was quite
 a lively spilling out of stocks for time | to-day as a result of the shaking up
 of sentiment caused by the suspension
 of the Seventh National bank, one of | the smaller members of the clearing l house association, but the market at
 no time approached anywhere near de- moralization. The drop in prices was very general and extended to over
 three points in number of principal active stocks which have been recent 1 favorites in the speculation. St Paul, Union Pacific and Manhattan were the severest sufferers and Missouri Pacific and Texas and Pacific also yielded < rather easily. But the latter part of the day witnesses a striking and gen.
 eral recovery which practically wiped out the earlier losses and established considerable gains for some leading stocks Union Pacific, St. Paul and Metropolitan Street railway were the
 only stocks among the leaders which
 failed to benefit fully from this late
 regeneration in the market. The bears
 were a great factor in the selling and
 their buying to cover had considerable
 to do with the late rally, There was
 an opinion prevalent that some of the
 large financial interests were quietly
 taking advantage of the low level of
 prices to pick up stocks without making an attempt to support prices. This,
 however, was hardly consistent with
 the gingerly manner in which prices
 were bid up after the selling pressure had relaxed with palpabie disinclina- ton to secure stocks. The selling for London account, which was supposed to originate in Berlin was a factor of considerable importance which was probably not sufficiently allowed for in current estimates of the markets.
 The report of further banking troubles in Berlin did not seem to have any striking effect on sentiment here. But it was not until the hour when the for eign bourse had closed that the local market showed any decided rallying tendency The suspension of the Sev- enth National bank came as a surprise after the tiding over of its affairs which was effected yesterday and the day before as it was generally suppos
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-06-28
Goyernment Bonds.
Cotton.

Reported over private wire by Harrison x Wyckoff, New York Stock Exchange, Il Broadway, New York; New Haven office, $40 Chapel street (Hubinger Buildfng), Nor man A. Tanner, manager:
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-06-28
The Lnte Rev. Joseph Cook.

The Lnte Rev. Joseph Cook.
 The funeral of Isaac F. Brown, the prominent Fair Haven oyster dealer, was held yesterday afternoon at 2:3O o'clock from his late home on Quinni- piac avenue.
 Rev. Dr. Phillips of St. James church officiated at the house, and he spoke in most eulogistic terms of the deceased. The final obsequies at the grave were conducted by Adelphi lodge of Masons, of which the deceased was a member The pallbearers were. four of them, stockholders in the Narragan- sett Bay Oyster company, of which MT. Brown was a director. They were George H. Townsend, c. D. Parmelee, w. F. Mansfield and $, J. Mansfield. The two others were Frank Miller, coal dealer of Bridgeport, also connected with MT, Brown in the oyster business, and Levi s. Rowe, an oyster dealer, who rented MT. RoWes oyster shop. The floral tributes were numerous and beautiful, and the funeral was one of the largest ever seen in Fair Haven. Music was by a quartet consisting of Miss Eva Squires, soprano; Mrs. Jen- nie Butterfield, alto George Stephen son, tenor, all of the choir of the East Pearl street Methodist church, and H. B. Stagg, bass, president of the Strat- ford Oyster company.
 At the cemetery the heat was so over powering that Captain Frank Brown, son of the deceased fainted. Henry Brown, another son, was on the verge of collapse, and required medical atten- ton, and a granddaughter of the de- ceased was nearly prostrated.
 Among those present were the ven erable Caleb Ludlngton and his two sons, Major Luzerne and Ami Luding- ton, Henry c. Rowe, Edward and Hen ry Lancraft, Alvin Ames, E. F. Ball, MT. Sanford of the shellfish commits sion, H. J. Lewis, the Bridgeport oys- ter merchant and others.
 Mrs. Thomas $. Smith is visiting her daughter, Mrs. William H. Moore of 164 Orange street. She formerly resid- ed here.
 The Second Congregational church will be closed next Sunday the repairs not yet being completed A fine new carpet is now being laid in the audito- rum.
 The pocketbook lost by Harry V. Santry of Woolsey street, while seeing a wedding party depart from the Grand
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-06-28

ed that friends of the bank would sup ply resources to carry it through. But the controller of the currency at Wash ington took matters out of the hands of the banks friends and closed it. While the suspension was thus in a way surprise it was evident that the effects of the embarrassment had been discounted on Tuesday during the per- iod of suspicious conjecture when ru- mors were rife of far extended banking difficulties. The disclosures since made of the banks affairs and of the char acter of the securities which had in volved it in its difficulties served to give some confidence that the trouble was localized as those securities were not dealt in on the exchange and are not widely distributed. The incident was found to create an unpleasant inn precision, however, and proved to inten- sify the pinch in the money market in- cldent to the turn of the half year. There was a considerable shifting of loans partly in preparation for next weeks dividend disbursement and partly on account of the throwing out of unsatlsfactorily collateral for small loans. The call loan rate ran up to 15. With the substantial recuperation in prices of standard securities since the May panic the fact has rather been lost sight of that such period of spec ulative confidence and imitation as cul- minated then Is bound to leave its resi- due of doubtful securities which might be easily marketable in period of ex- pansive confidence, but would be a drug in the market in. quieter times. The market closed very dull but firm at the recovery. There was some sell ing of railroad bonds In sympathy with stocks, but other mortgage issues ad- vanced. Total sales par value $2,025.000.
 United States bonds were all un- changed on the last call,
 NET lORK STOCK MARKER.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-06-28

opcning, Highest, Lowest Quotations 0a the New York Stock Exchange, reported by Prince x Whitely, Brokers, 10 Center Street. New Haven.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-06-28

ing was held on the lawn and very pleasant time was had Mrs. Shepard served one of her fine clam chowders and the members brought other delica- cies for the supper. The outing was greatly enjoyed by all.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-06-28

A marriage license was issued yes- terday in Bridgeport to Michael Haley, aged fifty three, and Miss Nancy Will liamson aged thirty-nine, both of Mill ford Point. It is MT. Haley's second venture on the sea of matrimony
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-06-28
LIGHT GUARDS, CLAM BAKE.

The Light Guards met last evening and voted to have a clam bake July at Gillern & Quinn's, Norris Cove, and a programme of athletic events There will be rowing, jumping, a 100-yards dash, putting the shot and other ath- letic exercises. The elan, bake will be served at about 1 o'clock. All ex-mem- bers are invited to join in.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-06-28
LATEST FAIR HAVEN NEWS
FUNERAL OF ISAAC E. BROWN
 YESTERD4Y AFTERNOON

Attended by Many Prominent Bustn ess Men-seyeraI Persons Affected by the Intense Heat-Lost PocketbOok Was in Good Hands-The Oyster Market The T,nte Rev JoseDh Cook,