The Virginia enterprise., 1901-09-20
$'What is it?" asked the polite proprie-

NY room,'' said the angry guest, lis
comfortable and the bed is soft.'
But, my dear sir-'
The bathing is actually good and the
London newspapers reach here in three
hours
why. -
The table is good and the walters do
not have to he tipped.'
But, sir, 1"dOn't See
I'm fact, the place is delightful, and
Your bill last week didn't bear single
thing that l had not had. ! can't stand
itn
:'But what do you mean? I have pur-
posely arranged everything for the com
fort of my guests, and thought l had
done all in my power"
That's the whole difficulty. Every
things so good that l can't believe it's
true, and l lie awake all night for some
thing to happen and my dream to: end.
can't give me something to grumble at
pretty soon III have to pack up and go
home. e.'-Tit-Bits.
This alphabetical advertisement ap-
peared in the London Times in 1912: To
widowers and single gentlemen-Wanted
by lady, a situation to superntend the
household and preside at table: She is
Agreeable, Becoming, Careful. Desirable
Industrious, Judicious. Keen, Lively,
Merry. Natty, obedient, PhiloSophic,
Quiet, Regular: Sociable, Tasteful, Use
fnl. Nivacious. Womanish. Nantippish,
Youthful, Jealous, etc. Address X. y.
T.: Simmons Library, Edgeware Road.
Lou Fields and Joe Weber discourse
as follows i'll their new play: 'Hoity Toi-
Weber-"Vat. iss magnate?"
Fields-"D9t vas der ting dot eats der
holes in der 1e himbaarger:: 'a :f4 eheese."
W.. We1sr- 81 rs der. any money in der faro
Fieldse-s,All mein iss in,.one q!retty
YETI
h,N,: We1er-''vat 5s will it costs to open "
FIELDS z'sd9iAdime:! e dEenaa years, und
sometimes life"
Fields-"If .:y6i,: should; be dead once,
der bank will shut up for tree days.
Weber-Iss it dat I must be buried to
get holiday?,'
Fields-"Do you know dot my girl can
shust cad up a pianner?'
Weber-"Vat taste for moosic she
hass.'
President Tucker of Dartmouth has
been in the habit Of spending his sum
mers on a New Hampshire farm. The
family becoming dissatisfied with certain
details-the proximity Of the pigpen to
the house and the manners of the serv-
ant girl-he wrote to the farmer that
he could come no more, and mentioned
these objections. In a few days he re-
ceived the following conciliatory reply:
Dear Sir: There amt been no hogs
since you left, and Hannah has went. -
Anecdotes.
Wordsworth's lines of the child at play,
''as if his whole vacation. We're endless
imitation" were recently recalled by a
conversation overheard in the children's
ward at a provincial hospital.
A little girl whose role was that Of
nurse, rang an imaginary telephone on
the wall to talk to her companion at the
further end of the room, who played the
''Hello"' said the nurse, 'is that the
YES" answered her companion in a
deep voice, this is the DOCTOR
This lady is very ill., he was in
formed.
well. what seems to be the matter?"
''She has swallowed a whole bottle of
ink said the nurse.
The doctor, not flurried, inquired what
had been done for the patient; but the
nurse, too, was ready in emergencies.
She answered: IL gave her two pads
of blotting paperr'-Tit-Bits.
Couldn't Wipe 1t.-A teacher was in
structing a class Of infants in the Sun
day school and was letting the children
finish her sentences to make sure they
understood: The lido! had eyes" she
said, "but it couldn't. 'See," cried the
children. 1T had ears, but it couldn't
it couldn't Speak" said the children.
1T had a nose, but it couldn't" wipe
it, shouted the little ones. and the
teacher had to pause in her lesson.-
London Tit-Bits.
They are telling throughout the South
q rather amusing story at the expense Of
Miss Mary Lee elder daughter of the
late Gen. Robert E. Lee. 1t appears
that she happened to he in some foreign
city at time when the attaches of the
American embassy were about to give Il
ball. AS no invitation arrived for Miss
Lee. friend who happened to be in the
hotel where she was stopping called at
the embassy and expressed surprise that
''the daughter Of Americas greatest gen
eral' had not been honored with an in
vi:at;on. The secretary in charge apol-
ogized most profusely and said that the
error would be rectitied at once. Soon
afterward large enveloped inclosing the
elaborate card Of invitation was received
at the hotel addressed to Miss Grant"
New York Times.
The latest instance Of the vivid insight
which is occasionally met with in chill
dren's essays is as follows: A child had
to write an essay on water. According
to the most approved methods he began
by a skillful analysis Of his subject into
rain water. holy water and soda water.
In his peroration he indicated the chief
use Of water in the following terms:
''No. one could be saved from drowning
if there wasn't any water."-London
News.
Mr.. Waff1es," said the landlady, Il
have a word to say to you''
Make it dozen. Mrs. Fry" re-