Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1901-07-16
SARCASM IN SIGNS.
ADVERTISEMENTS THAT At TIMES
BECOME A MOcKERY.


Announcements When They Were
Hard Up and Out Of Employment.
The advance agent met the leading
man Of another show the other night.
and, as they had not seen each other In
seven years, there was a warmness
about their greeting that was refresh
ing.
Dear old Tomw said the leading
man. II was thinking Of you not five
minutes ago. Sit down, you dear old
fellow! passed bakery not FIVE min
utes ago, and I thought Of you. Why,
here's Willis! was just saying to
Tom that never see bakers that l
don't think of him. Tom and / were
poor once! Mighty poor too. re-
member that we had been turned out
of different homes on the same cold
night and met each other for the first
time by chance. We shared the COM
forts of q butchers wagon that night
and went upon a rummaging expedi-
ton the next day. We halted in front
of a German bakery, half starved and
disguised with life generally. There
was q huge sign in the window which
said, There Is No Cake Like Ours We
hadn't a penny between US, but Tom
stepped in and asked for a sample or
the cake. The Dutchman didn't ap-
p1eciate the humor Of the request, 30
Tom said, You may keep your cake,
boss; but, say, give me a chunk OF
bread, quick, or III cut out your giz-
zard.' I'll never forget that cake sign
because it took US hours to get away
from the police who were attracted to
the scene by the bakers cries for help"
"But that was not my only expert
ence with a peculiar sign," remarked
the advance agent after hearty laugh.
.The year before I went on the road
for the first time I was in as hard luck
as ever man was. I had pawned ev-
erything in sight and was almost starv-
ed. found an umbrella in the hall
way Of down town building, and the
janitor told me to keep 1t. 1t was q
fairly good rain shield, and l immedi-
ately carried It to mine uncle. l didn't
know this particular relative, although
/ had formed the acquaintance OF hun
dreds of his people. His place was on
Sixth avenue, and he gave me Is cents
on It, which l gladly accepted. AS he
was making out the ticket he said:
"'Do you want to save 1t from the
mothsY
ayes answered.
"oThat will cost you IL cents. Per
haps you would like to have 1t insured?
1t is always advisable, but 1t will cost
you - cents more replied my friend.
"'All right said. Take good care
Of it. He could have eaten 1t for all
cared, for l never intended to redeem
! it. was about to leave the place when
l saw q big sign on the far wall. 1t
said:
"'No extra charge for putting watch
es and jewelry in the safe In the office
watches and jewelry! 1t brought
the tears to my eyes, and as l crawled
into my 10 cent bed that night
thought of diamond necklaces, pearls
and rubies of priceless value and-cake
Oh, the curse of some signs! How they
mock the poorT'
They were all silent moment. but
the one addressed as Willis was the
first to resume conversation, and he
said:
"There's my friend. Big John Smith
Let me Introduce him. Since you chaps
are talking Of signs and hard luck, lie,
me tell you of the time that had tc
leave my trunk at the old Stevens
House, on lower Broadway, and light
out by the shades Of midnight to gel
away from a hotel bill that couldn't
pay. Everything l had In the world
was locked up in that trunk. and as
could not remove anything without ex
citing suspicion l thought it best te
keep out Of jail by leaving everything
behind me. l must have walked the
streets at least a week famished and
penniless. One afternoon l was pass
ing along an up town street, hoping tt
die. when l happened to look up and
saw a sign as big as my hopes were
small. This sign read:
1--WE Are Not Daylight Robbers
Trunks! Trunks! From the Battery
to the Harlem Bridge to Your Room
For 25 Cents
'Tf that sign was not the irony Of
fate in my case. do not know wha
to call It."
"Oh, that's q small affair alongside
of my experience" said Smith. 1T Il
only q few years ago too. had beer
unemployed for several months. and al
had six little shavers to take care OF
did not have much trouble spending thu
little money had saved. didn't seen
to have a friend In the wide world Il
turn to, and l spent my last copper to-
paper to examine the employment col
umn. It was about Christmas time
and dreaded going back home to fac
the scolding landlord. l recall that
Il - - kha Tn nAHn,