The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-04-26
GOOD
Short Stories

~N-~-0~s'SNf-7N~N
On the occasion Of the last visit of p.
7. Barnum to England, George Angus
tus Sala presided at a dinner given in
honor of the famous Snowman. In the
reception room all were waiting to well
come the guest Of the evening, when
Mr.. Barnum came in beaming, and,
shaking hands with the chairman, said,
with a strongly marked Yankee ac-
cent: This is indeed surprise to
me-" did you hear that? Mr.. Sala
whispered; why, he arranged for the
dinner himself"
Senator Vest has been handicapped
with poor health for some time, never
theless his mind is one of the brightest
in the Senate. One day recently he
sank into his chair, saying to his neigh
Dor: II am an old man, and I'll never
get over this" Come, come, Vest,
brace up replied his neighbor; brace
up, and you'll be all right. Look at
Morrill, over there; he's nearly 80, and
is as spry as man of 40." Morrill,!
Morrill," said Vest; "he's set for eter-
nifty. They'll have to shoot him on the
day Of judgment"
Two inmates in a Glasgow asylum,
working in the garden, decided upon
an attempt at escape. Watching their
opportunity when their keeper was alb
sent, they approached the wall. moo,
bend doom, Sandy" said the one, "and
I'll elm up your shoulder to the top,
and then I'll gle We a hand up tae."
Sandy, accordingly, bent down. Tam,
mounting his back, gained the top Of
the wall, and, dropping over the other
side, shouted, as he prepared to make
off: I'm thinking, Sandy, you'll be
better to bide anither fortnight, for
you're no near RIGHT yet"
In his "Eccentricitles of Genius"
Maj. Pond says that often while trav-
cling Henry Ward Beecher improved
his time by having what he called "a
general house cleaning" Of his pockets,
which would get loaded up with letters
and papers until they could hold no
more, when he would clear them out
and destroy such papers as were worth
less. On one occasion Beecher happen
ed to put his hand in the watch-pocket
of his pantaloons and found there a
little envelope which he opened. When
he saw its contents, he called Maj.
Pond to sit beside him, and remarked.
"You remember the evening | married
G. =. Huntington. | was so much in
terested in the subject that forgot he
handed me little envelope as he went
out of the door. | put it in the watch
pocket of my pantaloons and never
thought of it again until just now. and
here it is-four one-thOusand-dollar
bills. Now" he said, don't tell any
one about 1t, and we will have a good
time and make some happiness with
this money. We will just consider that
we found it," And so, in a day or two,
Mr.. Beecher went with Maj. Pond to
look at cargo of fine Oriental rugs,
many of which he purchased and sent
TO different friends, and afterward he
spent what remained of the money for
coin-silver lamps, unmounted gems,
and various pieces of -brac, all of
which he gave away, until he had used
ND the entire four thousand dollars, "in
making happiness among those whom
he loved" After Mr. Beechers death
the Major related to Mr.. Huntington
the incident of this discovery Of the
four thousand-dollar bills, and the rail
way magnate observed; II should
never have given them to him. 1t was
all wrong. | made a mistake Money
never did him any good"