West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-01-31
Another Breezy Letter from ''Uncle joe
Giving Good Many ''Plnts"
About People.
BRANDoNvILLE, w. vIRcINy, !
Jan'y the 20th.

calm you "dear," but feel like
sayin' so this time. / got hoppin'
mad about you 'tother day. A Teller
had the impotence to slap me on
the back, an say, "Looky yere, Joe,
them's slick letters you write fer that
pinted nosed Demycrat editor up
there. WY the Nation don't you
send 'em to a Republican paper wat
amounts to somethin'1 Say, Joe,
/ like you amazin', but I'd think a
deal of sight more of you eff you'd
jes' be a decent Republican Std o.
sech measly Demycrat"
Long about that time o. day my
party patriotism an my abidin' af-
lection fer you ris up, an my tenn
per went chasin' after it.
Dad blast his greasy pelt 1t
makes me bile yit to think of it.
| orter knocked blazes out of him
squar' on the spot, but sence I've
been a gittin' old, an amt so stout
as | used to be, I've got to try to be
kind o. law abidin'. So / jes' fired
out my Good of homemade twist,
to make room fer my tongue to
work free, an, Lord, but / lar
rupped him. ri bet he amt had no
sech a tongue lickih' sence his
motherin-law read the Apostles
Creed an few other important
docyments to him the time he made
his wife wear pair o. home made
shoes a size an half too small fer
her feet. You see he done it out o.
pure niggerlyness, as leather had riz
am he had jes' enough odd pieces
on hands to make her a pair of
six-an'- ahalfs.
Well, l reckon you been a won :
derin' why l amt wrote fer so long,
amt your Mebby you think l been
waitin' fer you to coax me bit or
tell me what that Pittsburg friend O.
yourn said about my pieces. You
thank him fer me, please, an tell
him to jes, consider my OF coon
skin cap politely off o. my head
while you're a tellin' him. You
needn't be any afear'd that bit O.
praise II Spite me or make me vain.
Nay, verify. / am safely past that
onsartin' an foolish age.
But I'll jes' tell you wy / didn't
write. In the first place, there
wasn't consumed thing to write
about. Blame eff the oil town amt
deader'n McGinty sense the ''doc',
an the boss traders is left.
| wanted like sixty to write let
ter las week becauz Aunt Hetty
pines so fer the home readin' and
likes to see her name in the paper
off an on.
/ did onct think I'd write about
the fun us fellers has, an the tales
we tell of evenin's settin' round
the fire in the post masters Office,
an then | thought mebbe I'd bes'
not. You see some of the fellers
might git too pulled up with vanity
long O. the honor o. tellin' some o.
them tales.
They say Cy Shafer told sech a
whopper one night that the shades
of Ananias an Saffiry called on him
after he'd gone to bed an rummon-
strated with him bout tryin' to
break their record. 4 Jing, l guess
they skeered him so blame bad he
wuz sick purt nigh a week. He
didn't tell me bout the ghos's, but
he owned he'd been sick.
But l guess I'd a wrote anyhow
an told you we wuz all well an we
hoped when these few lines should
reach you they would find you all
the same, but i Jing, / wuzn't able.
EVERYBODY ID been a havin' the grip,
an them at didn't have it wuz so
worried an disappointed they all pnrt
nigh died with, ---- hip-trouble
Some of 'em wuz awful bad with il
though, an no joke. One old lady
told one of our preachers at she ex-
pected to die; she said she felt les
like her brothers. son felt one time,
an in two weeks he died.
l wuzn't stuck on havin' it myself,
50 1 KEEP a mighty stiff upper lip an
took care o. myself One day got
my feet wet a helpin' Johnny swipe
Tx his box traps out long Spruce
Run, an then ] knowed it wuz to
pay. 1t went to my head quicker'n
Apple Jack and or Rye, an please
mercy, no "doc" a near SOS / could
git a prescription an sort o. counter.
act the buzzin' in my head by a
little quiet boozin'.
had to jes' let 'er grip an spend
my time a grumblin' bout the wealth .
er One thing that reconciled me
awful was hearin' that Bill McKin-
ley, the FIRST man Of the nation, had
il too. Verify, grip loveth SHINING