The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1901-04-07
p VARIETY TURN"

her Majesty's consul at Wiessberg-on-the
Oder cannot be called excessive. As it
was yet early spring in the principality
of Lutzingen. / had absolutely nothing to
do save to poke up an official fire, read
unofficial novels. and ION fortunate occa-
sions) converse with chance callers at the
consulate.
This was one of the fortunate occa-
sions.' for NJ. de Lamothe had come to
cheer my solitude. ! had met NJ. de La
mothe only a few days before. while ex-
ploring the wooded country on the other
side of the Oder. He was an Alsiatian, he
explained, and writer by profession
but as he did not favor me with, particu-
lars regarding his works / gathered that
his literary aspirations were so far I'M
crowned by success.
NJ. de Lamothe and l had been discuss
ing Johann XIII, the absentee Prince of
Lutzingen; my Alsatian acquaintance
agreeing in rather listless way with the
warm and decidedly undiplomatic senti-
ments which | expressed. mo doubt
Mr.. Mallory. you are right" he said. "A
ruling sovereign should, l suppose, live
among his subjects. But has he not plac-
ed the Government in the hands of good
ministers? There is Herr Won Rottweiler,
the President of the Council of State"
"A professional politician, nearly as I'M
popular as the prince himself. IL 1 might
speak quite unreservedly-
please do, Mr.. Mallory. 1 shall carry
no tales
Well 1t is indiscreet to talk: but the
state of affairs disgusts me so much that
1t is a comfort to find some one to whom
l can relieve my feelings safely" And
then and there | told Lamothe everything
which l had discovered about the corrup-
tr.s.asI
other councillors, the scandalous over
taxation of the people, the wholesale bri-
berry in connection with government con-
tracts. and the Infamous proposals to
turn the capital town of Marbach into a
gambling centre. Lamothe listened po-
litely while | unburdened myself, raising
his eyebrows over the most fragrant por
lions of the narrative, but displaying no
very great interest.
Il never heard that Prince Johann was
proiliSate, / put in, but merely that
ne was a careless young fellow, who
spent his time in exploration and travel,
instead of properly governing his people"
Lamothe's reply | did not hear, for the
noise of carriage wheels in the streets
direction. Had the Consul General at
Marbach honored me with a visit? No.
A lady descended from the coach which
stopped directly outside my door. and
presently the following card made its APP
pearance: Miss Kitty Gosser. CYou all
Know Herb From the Principal Music
Halls, London.
| gazed delightedly at this announce
ment, and motioned NJ. de Lamothe to
keep his seat by the fireside. OF course
i knew Kitty Gosser
Don't stir, NJ. de Lamothe," I said
My visitor is one of the joliest little
women, and the best variety singer in
England"
We heard her businessiike step on the
stair. The door opened, and in she sailed
much as she does at home, though a
trife less brilliantly attired. But in spite
of her outward appearance of good hu-
NOR and the jaunty fashion in which upon
my introductory she gave her hand to La
mothe. | could see clearly that all was not
well with Kitty Gosser. And as Miss
Kitty was not the one TO keep either her
happiness or sorrow to herself we were
soon in possession of the secret trouble to
which / owed this visit
You know that I've been a fiat failure
In my German tour?'' she said.
No. | had not heard that regrettable
news. | was about to add that l could
scarcely credit 1t, but Kitty Interrupted
my intended consolation. That's all nom
sense, MIR. Phil Mallory. ! know when I'm
making mess of 1t. They don't under
stand me here. From Berlin to Baden my
songs have fallen fiat; and unless | do
something sensational to make them flock
to see me l shall have to go back TO THE
Smoke III presume she meant Londonl
with my flag hauled down. Think how
Nellie Burlington will laugh!-how they'll
all laughi-Phfl Mallory Won must do
something to give me leg up"
cast mock mournful look at Lamothe,
but that worthy was admiring my view of
the Domstrasse. and had apparently no in
terest in the conversation. We'll Miss
Gosser." | remarked, I've heard of her
Majestys consuls being put to many
strange uses-playing the private detec-
tive. physici1ing pet dogs and SO forth
but this is the first time, l fancy. that one
of US has been called on to act the part
of theatrical agent
II thought you were friend" cried
Kitty, tearfully.
II am always your friend, Miss Gosser,
but
There are no butts between real
friends"
who could answer the mink otherwise
than in the affirmative.
Good" she continued. Then listen to
my plan. But first: your other visitor is
not a subject of the Prince Of Lutzingen,
l think
Lamothe rose with a quickness for
which l had not given him credit. No,
Lutzingen subject at ALL But as you
doubtless desire private talk with the
consul
Kitty. who was nothing If not uncere-
monious. playfully pushed him back into
his chair. Please don't CO. she. ex-
claimed eagerly. Perhaps you can help
us. Now, gentlemen, Ii tell you what
I'm going to do. I'm going to get ex-
PEELED from the prineiraiity for the crime
gasped. And you expect me, a Brit
ish consul"
ITO help? Yes, young man; but only
secretly. You shan't be implicated. or
run any risk of a wigging. All | ask of
you is to scribble me a song. like the
ones YOU used to write before you be-
came an important parsonage. Well rig
up the music between US; and | shall sing
1t tonight at the VoikS Theatre In Mar
bach. 1t must be a rafting attack on old
Won ROttweiler, the Prime Minister, and
the rest OF the council; besides pitching
Eal1bOut Prince
Now. if you write me a song-not n sour
rilous song, you know, but a sort of para
BILE that the people can see through and
uhderstand-Ill sing IL at the Volks Thea
tire There Will be a tremendous Sensa-
ton; the house will be crowded, and
And Miss Kitty Gosser. will be march
ed across the frontier, in charge of a
troop of Dragons"
Precisely After that, success is easy.
All the Fatherland's going to ring with
Kitty Gosser and her song"
So | yielded: and an hour or two later
found US busy improvsing an accompa-
ninlent for our song satire upon the
rather brassy piano which | had pur-
chased from my predecessor in the con-
sulate. | do not claim any literary quail
ity for the verses; but they We're popular
~ written, possessed a quantity of blunt
humor. and could scarcely fail of being
understood by the dullest witted bur
old Heidelberg man, and my German is
excellent, but without Lamothe's assist
ance | could never have hoped to turn out
much idiomatic work Lamothe coached
Kitty carefully in accent and pronuncia-
ton. | shall not inflict the full text of
our composition upon my readers The IT,
tie. freely translated into English was
When the Cats Away and it was sim
ply fable set to music. crowded with To-
cal illusions. and telling in obvious para
BILE the story of Prince Johann's aban-
donment of his realm to Herr Won Rott-
weller and his gang of corrupt ministers.
Now. as every one knows. Johann XXIII
descends from the medieval lords OF
EatZcnberg, or Cats Mountain" so
that when he figured in our satire as