Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14

promptly inserted IN the real estate
columns Of some Sunday newspaper.
His nurses and other attendants will,
Of course, strongly oppose the idea,
but experience has demonstrated that
in humoring the patient at this crit
ioal period lies the chief hope Of per-
manently restoring him TO health and
urban happiness. In no other way
can the antitoxin be secured which
will successfully combat the amateur
farming bacillus on its native heath.
The next day after the victims
literary effort has appeared in print
a man wearing a silk hat, frock
coat, somewhat shiny about the
seams. and an enthusiastic manner
will call and ask to see him. At what
ever risk, permission should be given
for him to interview the patient.
81 have just what you want" the
caller will begin. beautiful scenery,
a small house, two springs Of water
and as much land as you want.
will rent, sell or trade for down
town vacant"
"Where, may I ask" the patient
will say, "is the place you speak OF
locnted?"
about go miles southeast Of Nash
Vile, Tenn, will be the answer;
fright in the great coal and iron dis
trict, and" lowering his voice to a
whisper, 81 may say to you that signs
OF oil and other minerals are plenti-
full in the land"
1t must not be expected that this
first treatment will effect cure. The
patient will simply take It as a criti-
cism on his literary style and will
amend his effort so that it viii read;
"On the north shore, within 30 miles
of Chicago"
The visit of the next caller Is likely
to be followed by a slight relapse,
depending upon the vividness OF the
description of the "simple little
place" which he has to offer at one
of the better known suburban vii
lagos along the north shore. He is
vague as TO prices and exact loca-
tions, but wishes to take the patient
out on a personal tour of inspection.
II would be dangerous to refuse per-
mission to make this trip, no matter
how great may be the apparent risk.
The patient will ride up the north
shore on suburban train and will
be met at the proper station by the
real estate agent with an impressive
landau and pair of high stepping
horses. He win be driven through
winding roads and carefully laid out
country places to a large stone struc-
ture, containing 20 rooms, with a care
takers lodge in front and several cast
iron deer disporting on the lawn.
"Now, here" the real estate man
will say, sis a modest, quiet, little
place. 1t has all the charms of a
truly rural situation, and at the same
time is fitted with a hot air furnace
and a driveway boardered with large
whitewashed stones. / can let you
have this whole place, just as it
stands, including the ornamental
artificial ravine at the rear for $3.50
a month"
This treatment is likely to result in
a great improvement in the patients
condition, but, sooner or later, il
will be noticed that the phrase "must
be reasonable" in the literary produc-
tion already referred to sis some
what vague and uncertain. l should
have been plain about it and said SAC
| a month"
There is nothing the friends and
attendants of the amateur farming
victim can do when this discovery is
made except to be patient and wait
for the treatment to run it's regular
course. A few days after the second
| correction has been made third
real estate agent will appear. He viii
| be so fluent and so enthusiastic that
all the worst symptoms of the dis
ease will reappear. He will take tho
/ patient out on one of the elevated
roads and will show him little toy
house, painted in several bright
! colors. Then he will point out a pla'
/ of ground, measuring about 20x3l
feet, in the rear of the house, anC
| will declare that il offers a "fine op
portunity for market gardening"
Only one more treatment is usual,
necessary. 1t comes i'm the shape o
a man with place to which none o
the objections which have proved
fatal in the other cases applies
There is plenty of ground about thu
house, it is located only a few mile
from the city and close to a railroad
station, it rents for even less thar
the amount fixed, and there are othel
advantages over which the agen
grows eloquent The patient, who i
now well on the way TO recovery
goes out to look at it. 1t is a small
| e.n.... 49,. Nm. .,.A nhnIn Of q n.