Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1901-06-07
AFFLICTED WITH
THE FARM CRAZE
Z:

A MATEUR farming is a disease
~ which is most prevalent among |
people who have lived for some years
in fat buildings. 1t is especially
virulent in the spring and summer,
usually wholly disappearing during
the winter months. In the first stages
of the disease the victim is usually |
subject to strange, though harmless, |
illusions and hallucinations. He |
fancies that he sees in his minds eyes |
a little house standing far back from
the dirt road in grove of stately oak |
trees. The front of the house is half
covered with vines and climbing roses
and the air is full of the perfume
from the hay fields. Back of the |
house is a big red barn, wherein an
imaginary horse eats nonresident
oats and deer-like Jersey cow chews
a phantom cud.
Before the house the green turf
sweeps down to the road in pillows.
and couple of picturesque property
lambs gambol gracefully under the
oaks. Up the same oaks squirrels are
running, waving their bushy tails and
chattering defiance to even imaginary
invaders.
In the secondary stages of the dis
ease the illusions become more alarm
ing. The patient sees people driving
up to the house and offering large
sums for the yellow-legged spring
chickens which have suddenly ap
peared in large quantities in the fore
ground. The Jersey COW comes for
ward and modestly presents ten
pounds of golden yellow butter, taste
fully done up in a napkin and
stamped with her coat of arms, for
the possession of which the assem-
bled multitude quarrel furiously, each
of them raising his neighbours bid.
From the barnyard appears process
sion of hens, each bearing a fresh
laid egg, with the date of its arrival
written on it in indelible pencil. At
this point the multitude falls down
on it's knees and each of the number
offers all his earthly possessions for
a dozen. Gradually these visions fade
into one, and the patient sees him
self sitting in an easy chair on
rose-embowered veranda, with a bag
of double eagles beside him and a
couple of attentive servitors offering
him mint juleps and other cooling re-
IICSnHGhISs w llCu GIllS SGdSG Oh Tic
disease is reached the patient needs
careful attention and watching. He
is likely to become violent and at
tack the ianitor of the fiat building
or imprudently resign his lucrative
position in a La Sale street insur-
ance office.
But the crisis of the disease comes
when the patient sits down and be-
gins to put his illusions into writing.
After a prolonged and painful strug
gle he will produce a piece of litera-
ture like this:
Wanted.-In the vicinity of Chicago, a
place of from three to ten acres, with small
house and barn. Must be reasonable. Rent
for six months with view to purchase.
The patient will demand that this
production of disordered brain be
promptly inserted in the real estate
columns of some Sunday newspaper.
His nurses and other attendants will,
of course, strongly oppose the idea,
but experience has demonstrated that
in humoring the patient at this crit
ical period lies the chief hope of per-
manentIy restoring him to health and
urban happiness. In no other way
can the antitoNin be secured which
Will SuCCCSS1Q4ly COnIDdG JAC
farming bacillus on its native heath.
The next day after the victims
literary effort has appeared in print
a man wearing silk hat, a frock
coat, somewhat shiny about the
seams, and an enthusiastic manner
will call and ask to see him. At what
ever risk, permission should be given
for him to interview the patient.
81 have just what you want" the
caller will begin. Beautiful scenery,
q small house, two springs of water,
and as much land as you want. 1
will rent, sell or trade for down
town vacant"
''Where, may I ask" the patient
will say, sis the place you speak of
located?"
about go miles southeast of Nash
vile, Tenn, will be the answer;
''right in the great coal and iron dis
trict, and" lowering his voice to a
whisper, 81 may say to you that signs
of oil and other minerals are plenti-
full in the land"
It must not be expected that this
first treatment will effect cure. The
patient will simply take it as criti-
cism on his literary style and will
amend his effort so that it will read:
ION the north shore, within 80 miles
of Chicago"
The visit of the next caller is likely
to be followed by slight relapse,
depending upon the vividness of the
description of the simple little
place. which he has to offer at one
of the better known suburban vii
faCeS a1ono the north shore He Is
vague as to prices and exact loca-
tions, but wishes to take the patient
out on personal tour of inspection.
It would be dangerous to refuse per-
mission to make this trip. no matter