davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21
TO A TORTOISE.

Paludal, glum, with misdirected legs,
You hide your history as you do your
eggs,
And offer us an osseous nut to crack
Much harder than the shell upon your
back
No evolutionist has ever guessed
Why your cold shoulder is within your
chest
Why you We're disconted with plan
The vertebrates accept, from fish to man.
For what environment did you provide.
BY pushing your internal frame outside!
How came your ribs in this abnormal
place?
Inside your rubber neck you hide your
face
And answer not. To science you're a
sphinx
A structural epitome of missing links;
And when decapitated, still you swell
And kick and claw and scramble just as
well.
But I'll not plague thee, Even here find
A touch of fellowship that makes me
kind.
Sometimes poet who has lost his head
Will keep on scratching when he should
be dead.
-Chauncey Hckox, in New Lippincott. .
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21

"Young Mr.. Dawdles has become
very Industrious since he decided to
20 into business. His office hours are
from s a. m. to p. m.
"Yes," answered Miss Cayenne; 81
understand that he has had to raise
his office boys wages for staying all
that time to tell people that Mr..
Dawdle had just gone out, but would
be in at II o'clock next morning.
Washington Star.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21
$4,000 City Employees.

The list of New York City employees
curing the first six months of 1901
was printed in the New York CITY
record on Wednesday last. -Four
hundred aud nine pages. are taken nm
with the closely printed lists. The
total number of municipal employees
Is about 10000, and Of these nearly
one-half are in the Police, Fire and
Education Departments. The list of
teachers and other employees of the
schools takes up 131 pages Of the
list. =
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21

Aunt Hannah-"What makes you
look so sad tonight, Frederick
Frederick-"Only think of it, Aunt.e!
came away from Carries tonight
without asking If she loved 'ne.'
Aunt Hannah-"But she has told you
she loves you, time and time again"
Frederick-"Oh. yes. and she told
me SO tonight the tirsttp of the even
ing; but 1 always ask her when 1
come away. There's one thing l can
do. I'll write her long lett% before
] go to bed."-Boston Transcript.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21

$50 you resolved to say just what
you meant to Miss Winnem," re-
marked Miss Cayenne.
Yes" answered Willie Wishing
ton; 81 came out bodily and asked her
If she would be mine"
"Oh, that isn't what you meant. The
real question is, Can you be hers?"
Washington Star.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21

They had been drifting about in the
open boat seven days, and all were
near unto death, when the half-fam-
ished sailor in the bow leaped up and
cried "a sail! A sailr'
What, a bargain sale?" shrieked
the half-dead woman passenger, as
she began fumblirg for her purse
Baltimore World.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21

"Yes," said the man who prides
himself on being exceedingly astute,
az lent him an umbrella"
I'm surprised at you! When his
unrellability about umbrellas Is one
of his chief characteristicsw
"Yes. But l lent it with the under
standing that he is to bring me back
the one he gets in its place"
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21
A Contrast to Avoid.

81 don't want to see Lydia when
she comes back from that summer
school"
"Why not?"
"Oh, she will be bursting with
knowledge while the rest of US have
been sitting around here in the heat
forgetting what little we know."-De-
troit Free Press.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21

"They say that in order to be hap
py," said the young woman who reads
q great deal, "a man ought to be
fool OF a philosopher"
"Yes," answered Miss Cayenne. IF
a man is fool he can't get woman
to accept him. And If he is as wise as
philosophers are credited with being
he won't propose. Washington Star.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21

Hobbs-"Tubbs is the most remark
able man l know"
Dobbs-"In what way?"
Hobbs-"He weighs about $50
pounds, and according to his own
account he never eats anything and
hasn't had a good nights sleep for
thirty ars."-Chicago Record Her
aid.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21
Tho Kind He Wanted.

"Young man." said the fortune teller,
going into q trance, 81 can see you, in
the near future, with an airship-"
make it an heirship to million,
can't you?" eagerly exclaimed Ardup,
slipping another half dollar into her
hand.-Chicago Tribune.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21

Wheeler-"I took that short (D trip
you recommended. 1t was thirty
miles,"
Sprockett-"Well?"
Wheeler-"Well, you said 1t was
only fifteen miles as the crow flies"
Sprockett-"Ahl Maybe The crows
were full of corn the day you went"
-Philadelphia Press.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21

Mrs. Peterby-"My dressmaker's bill
was twice as large this year as last"
Mrs. Poplin-"I don't see how your
husband can afford it,"
HE can't. But then he couldn't last
year"-Life.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21

ment, was born in Port au Prince, Hay.
tt, in 1858. He studied at Cornell Uni.
versity and under the Hayes adminis-
tration served as vice consul general
at Port au Prince. He established the
Sidney Record in 1892 At that time
the village had a population of less
than 500, but now it is an industrial
center with a population of $500. Mr..
Bird has proved great benefactor to
Sidney by championing every effort
to make it an enterprising and prosper
GUS village. Mr.. Bird has published a
book which has met with popular sue.
cess.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21

One must sing Of the fountains;
One must sing of the sea;
One must sing us the song of love;
And one in hates shrilI key;
Yet all will rise to the blending skies
In one grand harmony.
Love and hate and compassion,
Sorrow and right and wrong, :,
Past and future and war and peace = =
Rise in an anthem strong,
And all will grow, as they ebb and flow.
To life's unceasing song
Josh Wink, in Baltimore American.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21

miss Slimsby's neck looks like
ivory, doesn't it?"
"Yes, but it's really nothing but
bone."-Brooklyn Life
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21
His Sympathy Aroused.

She met him at the door, all breath
less with excitement.
"John," she cried, 'baby's cut
tooth"
"Poor little fellow" he returned, COM
miseratingly; "is it bad cut?'-Chi-
cago Post.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21
The Light-wcight Vacation.
'ver the hills and far away

Over the hills and far away
Would l could HE this summer day
With baggage on this lightsome plan
A Jap umbrella and fan.
Some paper books-I should not read
A few small coins-I would not need:
All work forgotten-off I'd stray,
Over the hills and far away.
Chicago Record-Herald.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21
THE SONG OF LIFE.

One must sing of the sunshine; = -
One must sing of the rain;
One must sing us the songs of Joy, .
And one sing woes refrain;
Yet in the end all the songs will blend
In one harmonious strain.
One must sing of the future;
With hopes and fearings rife;
One must sing of the misty past
Its dreaming and its strife
Yet they will meet in chord full sweet
The marvellous song of life.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21

Jaggles-"Do you think he's hon
est?"
Waggles-"Why, man, he's so honest
that everybody calls him crank"'-
Puck.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-10-21
SUBSCRIPTION RATES

Entered at the Postoffice at Freeland. Pa.
IS Second Glass Matter.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16
ENTERTAINED.

An invitation was received from NJ.
&. Rarnhouse, Secretary of the De
Soto School Board, to attend a school
entertainment at the K of P. Hall.
About 40 seats were reserved for the
editors and they went in body to the
hall, and were highly entertained for
three hours. The school pupils dis
played thorough training in their
parts, and the audience demonstrated
their approval by frequent and hearty
applause.
After the entertainment the editors
were escorted to large hall on Main
street, and seated at the banquet table,
the feast having been prepared by the
ladies of the Baptist church, and pro-
vided by the local entertainment COM
mittee OF citizens. After doing .'ample
justice to the bountiful spread" for
two hours the audience was entertained
by responses to toasts proposed by D.
NJ. Veezey, the toast-master. Among
those who spoke, was the delectable
Joseph Flynn, who always amuses his
hearers by his witticisms. Rev. Grow,
Rev. j. J. Furlong, Rev. Britain, Prof.
Collins of st. Louis, the Superintend-
ent of the De Soto schools, whose name
we fail to remember, and Judge Dear
ing. Miss Jesse Moore rendered an
unique recitation in negro dialect. It
was two O'Clock when the editors re-
turned to their respective hotels, all
well pleased with the enjoyment of the
evening.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16

party is to return to Jeffersonianism it
is we'll to know Just what this Jeffer-
sonianism is.
Thomas Jefferson believed in the
doctrine of political equality. James
/. Morse, his biographer, has declar-
ed: jefferson remained steadfast to
his adhesion to the cause of the people
even the worst and lowest people. Not
only did ne appreciate and foresee their
invincibie power in politics, but he had
perfect faith in the desirability of the
exercise of that power; he anticipated
that in this exercise the masses would
always show wisdom and discrimina-
ation."
Economical government and a strict
construction of the Constitution are
truly Jeffersonian. jefferson believed
a federalistic supreme court threatened
the liberties of the people. OF the court
he said: These remains of federalism
are to be preserved and fed from the
treasury and from that battery all the
works of republicanism are to be bat
tered down." jefferson hated the ma
tional bank system. He was opposed
to aristocracy in every form. Is there
need for return to Jeffersonianisma
Has not the Democratic party in its
Kansas City platform already returned
to itp
Albert Watkins, a distinguished an
ti-Bryan Democrat of Nebraska, pub
lishes in the May Foruns contribution
along these lines. We commend it to
all reorganizers who believe that Bry-
anism so-called is in any essential diff
ferent from Jeffersonianism. Mr.. w.
quite truthfully says: .'In reality he
who runs may read more of the spirit
of Jeffersonian Democracy in the Chi
cago and Kansas City platforms than
can be found in any other platform of
the Democratic party. Indeed it is
precisely this quality of Jeffersonian-
ism" asserts Mr.. Watkins. ..in Mr..
Bryan and his platforms which is offen-
sive to the conservative or old-school
The Democratic party has already
returned to the principles of Thomas
Jefferson. The duty of the hour is to
keep 1t there. e.-State Tribune.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16

The Washington Post declares that n
combination eau under certain condi-
tions exact hundreds of millions of ex-
cessive profits in spite of any possible
competition. The New York CONNER
cidl demonstrates that tariff-protected
combination could hold up the rail-
roads-and in SO doing hold up the
business of the country-for $20o, ,o00,-
900 year. God bless the Great Amer
ican System of Protection!
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16
Shudders at His Past.

81 recall now with horror,m says
Mail Carrier Burnett Mann, of Lesan-
ma, O.. ..my three years of suffering
from Kidney trouble. I was hardly
ever free from dull aches or acute
pains in my back. To stoop or lift
mail sacks made me groan. / felt
tired, worn out. about ready to give
up, when began to use Electric Bit
ters, but six bottles completely cured
me and made me feel like new man"
They're unrivaled to regulate Stomach,
Liver. Kidneys and Bowels. Perfect
satisfaction guaranteed by all drug
gists. Only so cents
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16
AFTERNOON SESSION.

The Association met in the after
noon, and the subject assigned to A.
o. Allen, viz. ..Fraternal Relations
and Business Cooperation of Rival
Editors was taken up. Mr.. Allen had
nothing written upon the subject. but
very pointedly made valuable sugges-
tions anent the subject. This matter
was thoroughly discussed by many,
and resulted in some great good. 1t
stimulated more brotherly and fra
ternal regard, cemented the ties of
friendship, and stopped, to a certain
extent, the cutting of prices. The
benefits of the discussion will be felt
and lasting.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16
CITY OFFICERS:


CATHOLIC CHURCH, Arcadia College
and Pilot Knob. l.. c. WERNERT, Rector.
High Mass and Sermon at Arcadia College
every sunday at O'Clock A. NJ. Vespers and
Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament st
O'Clock P. NJ. High Mass and Sermon and
Benedictionat Pilot Knob Catholic Church
at 1880 O'Clock a. NJ. Sunday School for
children at l 80 O'Clock P. NJ.
NJ. E. CHURCH, SOUTH, Fort Hill,
between Ironton and Arcadia. Rev. VIM.
LOWE, Pastor. Services every Sunday
ct Ii A. NJ. and 1880 P. NJ. Prayer meeting
Wednesday evening, 1880 O'Clock. Sab
bath School at $3.50 A. NJ. Ladies' Aid So
eiety, Thurs lay, P. NJ, Ladies' Prayer
Meeting, Friday, P. NJ. Juvenile Mission
ary Society at Parsonage, Saturday, 2:30 P.
NJ. Choir Practice st Church, Friday, 1880
p. NJ. All are cordially invited to attend
these services.
N. E. CHURCH, Cor. Reynolds and
MOUNTAINS Streets. W. r. MCCORMACK,
Pastor. Preaching every sunday at IL A. NJ,
&ud 1880 p. NJ Prayer-meeting wednesday
evening. sunday School $3.50 A. NJ. Juuior
Epworth League 2. u.
BAPTIST CHURCH, Madison street,
near Knob St., Rev. GEORGE STEEL, Pastor
Residence Ironton. Preaching on every
Saturday before the first Sunday of each
month at 2:30 P. NJ. and every sunday at IL
A. NJ. and 1880 p. NJ. Sunday School every
Sunday at $40 A. NJ. and Prayer Meeting
every "Wednesday evening at 1880 P. NJ. B.
Up. u. every Sunday at 6:15 P. NJ
Presbyterian Church, cor. Reynolds
and Kuob streets, Ironton. Rev. THos. +.
MARSHALL, Pastor. Services every Sunday
at A. Nc. and 1880 P. NJ. Sunday School
at 9:45 A. NJ. 7. 2. S. C. T., 6:45 P. NJ.
Prayer Meeting Wednesday, 1880 P. NJ.
Ladies' Missionary Society, last Thursday
in each month at $3.50 r. NJ. Choir practice
at church, Saturday, p. NJ.
EPIsCoPAL CHURCH, Corner Reynolds
and Knob streets, IrOnton. REV. W. A.
Waterman, Priest in charge. Services every
Sunday at IL a. m. and s p. m. Sunday
School, $3.50 a. m. Holy Communion, $50
a. m aud also on the 1st Sunday of the
month at IL a. N. Church service Wednes-
day, 8 D. m. Literary Friday, 10 g.. m. All
Holy Days, 10 a. m. ladies' Guild Thursday,
2p. IN. Guild of st. Agnes Saturday, p. m
LUTHERAN CHURCH, Pilot Knob.
Rev. j. c. FRITZ, Pastor.
NJ. E. CHURCH, Colored. Shepherd
sud Washington streets, Lronton. G. NJ.
TONEY, pastor. Preaching every Sun
a&y 1t II A. NJ. and 1880 P. NJ. Sunday
School at $3.50 A. NJ. and Select Reading at 4
P.M. Literary every Tuesday night at 8.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16
Fought for His Lite.

"My father and sister both died of
Consumption" writes J. L. Weather
wax. of Wyandotte. Mich, land / was
saved from the same frihghtful fate
only by DIR. Kings New Discovery.
An attack of Pneumonia left an obsti-
nate cough and very severe lung
trouble, which an excellent doctor
could not help. but few months me
of this wonderful medicine made use
as well as ever and gained much in
weight" Infallible for Coughs. Colds
and all Throat and Lung trouble.
Trial bottles free. Guaranteed bot
ties soc and $1.00 at all druggists.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16

tee also reported the names of those
old members, mentioned above. as hav-
ing paid their dues, and were there
fore entitled to a voice in the meeting
The report of the Committee was
unanimously adopted.
An adjournment was then taken un-
til Saturday morning at 9 o'clock.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16
Return to Jeffersonianism.

The reorganizers of the Democratic
party-rebels against party authority
who would now rule-are glib in de-
claring thas return to the principles
of jefferson is necessary. Even Grover
Cleveland. in sonorous platitudes. in
sists upon q revival of Jeffersonianism
as basis for reorganization. A defin-
ition of ..the princinles of Jefferson"
may be pertinent. II the Democratic
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16
sATuRDAY'S SESSION.

The Association was called to order
at a. NJ, Saturday, and prayer wal
offered by Rev. Father Furlong.
Excuses of absent members were
read, and also reported verbally. Some
of the excuses were the stereotype6
ones, such as s'been away from home
came back. printer on high lone
some;' no paper out" etc.
President Mitchim then read his ad
dress; it was filed with sound ADVICE,
and was pronounced valuable paper.
On motion the election of officers and
selection of place of next meeting was
taken up.
The following officers were elected
by acclamation: Eli D. AXE, President;
P. B. Moore, Vice-President; w. w.
Waters, SecretaryTreasurer. After
ward this latter Office was made two,
and W. E. Crow was elected treasurer,
which was much more satisfactory to
all, and much more business-like.
Pennington, on a motion of Joseph
Flynn, was the place selected to meet
in November, the exact date to be fixed
by the Executive Committee. compris-
ing the officers of the Association.
The auditing committee reported
they were unable to make report, as
they could find no minutes on record of
the previous meeting. The Secretary
reported that Mr.. Irwin. the Temporal
ry Secretary at lie Poplar Bluff meet
ing, November, 1899, had transferred
to him (the Secretary the sum of $15,
less $3.50 paid J. F. Mitchim for ac-
count allowed. Mr.. Crow was appoint
ed to see Mr.. Irwin and bring him be-
fore the Association to have this en-
tangled affair Strengthened. In his
statement Mr.. Irwin said he had no
record of the meeting at Poplar Bluff,
but from memory, and guessing at the
amount of money received, he had ac-
counted for S15. He afterward went
out and came back with the memo
randum of the business transacted at
Poplar Bluff. which showed that $11
had been paid for dues. The matter
was here dropped, and the Auditing
Committee was dissolved. The Sec
retary was instructed to keep receipt
book, and warrants on the Treasurer.
On motion the President, Vice-Presi-
dent and Secretary were appointed a
committee to draft new Constitution
and Bylaws, and report at next meet
ing, and to incorporate in the same
that an initiation fee OF 81 be charged,
which will be in addition to the annual
dues OF 81.
&. w. McMullin not having a pre-
pared paper on the subject Early
History of Southeast Missouri Jour-
nalism," made some appropriate re-
marks, telling of the many early pa
pers and editors. Others followed
him. and these talks were very inter-
esting.
THE Editor in Politics." was read
by it's author. Paul B. Moore. It was
an able document, and was pronounced
one OF the most appropriate, and of
more practical benefi: to editors than
any paper ever read before the Asso-
citation. Joseph Flynn and others dis
cussed the subject, and endorsed Mr..
Moore's views.
The paper written by Dell Longgrear
of the Caruthersville Democrat. but
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16
CA. - Ia.
Bears the 7Ths Kind You Have Always Bought
S'saas''' a NHNzzZ9

The President has just distinctly
stated that we propose to raise $4,000
men for the army. II we are to arbi-
trate all disputes with the great powers
how are we to need large standing
force? Are the Filipino surrenders
sham and are we to need fighters In
Cuba?-Post- Dispatch.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16
Old Soldiers Experience.

III. M. Austin, civil war veteran,
of Winchester, Ind, writes: My wife
was sick a long time in spite of good
DOCTORS treatment, but was wholly
cured by DR.. Kings New Life Pills,
which worked wonders for her health. -
They always do. Try them. Only
25c at all drug stores.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16
OFFICIAL DIRECTORY OF IRON COUNTY.
COURTS:


CIRCUIT COURT is held on the
Fourth Monday in April and October.
COUNTY COURT cOnvenes on the
First Monday of March, June, September
and December.
PROBATE COURT is held on the I'd
Monday in February, May, August and No.
Fember.
OFFICERS:
q. W. FARRAR, JR-, Representative.
w. II. BUFoRD, Presiding Judge County
Court.
J. w. ALCoRN, county Judge, Southern
District.
F. A. MCFARLAND, county Judge, West
ern District.
w. r. EDGAR, Prosecuting Attorney.
. w. L. O'NEAL, Collector.
w. A. FLETCHER, County Clerk.
ARTHUR HUFF, circuit clerk.
JOHN b. HAMPTON, Probate Judge.
JAS. BUFORD, Treasurer.
B. s. GREGORY, Sheriff.
q. CT. HENDERSON, Assessor.
G. l.. BLANKS, Coroner.
j. u. HAWKINS, School commissioner.
CITY OFFICERS:
Mayor, W. K. Edgar.
Marshal, j. L. Marshall.
City Attorney, VIM E. Roop.
CITY Clerk, Mrs. y Jamie Walker.
Citg Treasurer, VIM. ii. HalIer.
Collector, w. I. O'Neai.
City COuHciLmen-G. w. Marshall, w. T
Gay, G. A. Buckley, w. J. Schwab, Geo.
ID. Marks and Henry Kendall.
Street C0mnstttee-Henry Kendall, w. T.
Gay and G. w. Marshall.
Fire CoDlng1ttee-G. w. Marshall, W. j.
Schwab and G.. a. Buckley.
Health COmDlittee-G. d. Marks and G.
A. Buekev.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1901-05-16

who was absent, was read by w. E.
Grow, the subject being. (Which is of
greater Value to the Country Editor,
the Editorial, Local or Correspondence
Department." 1t was very able pa
per.