The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1901-07-28
. coo 90 600 o ooooooooI
cHIcAeo-s SPECIAL CARS
FOR sELATEp -Jscs.- I
coo
600

nEoPLE ~ho travel OF the owf cars
~ OF the Chicago elevated and sur>
4 face line railroads are in favor Of /
having special cars for ineh-isted /
individuals. after the system recently
introduced in Swe3eu- II seems that
the Swedish state railroad admiuistrz-
ton has ordered that every suburban
train At night must nov have . car
set aside for the accommodation OF
intoxicated persons only
Such cars should be hailed with de-
light in Chicago. All the drunks then
could be rounded up by the conductor
before starting his train and iucar-
cerated in the Jag car under charge
OF q special policeman detailed for the
purpose In the Jag car joy could
be uneonfned. and the passengers
sing, whoop. howl, and swear. after
their usual inclination. without dis
turbing anyone else If any OF the
intoxicated passengers had a violent
desire TO punch somebody else in the
head. as is frequently the case on the
night cars. he could fall upon another
Jag" in place OF some sober, quiet
minded citizen who was entitled 10 be
let alone There is a special destiny
that watches over infants and drum
ken men, and so the individual who
vas attacked By his brother drunkard
would not be injured TO any great ex-
tent. and IL he were he would deserve
his drubbing as punishment for be-
ing drunk IL a man insisted upon
getting drunk and riding in a jag
car he would have to submit TO all
the usual amenities of such place.
II would be hard to induce a per
son TO go into jag" car. no matter
how drunk he was. as the one place
that hilariously intoxicated person
does not wish to go to Is in the So
ciety of drunken strangers. The owl
car Jag" always wants to go into
the car filled with decent, sober-mind-
ed people. where he can show of
and have fun. with himself as the CEN
ter of attraction. In the lag" car
there would be too many stars and
there would be no audience TO play to.
It would be hard. too. for the con-
| ductors to decide who were drunk.
A night passenger on suburban
train. even if he is filed with corn
juice clear up to the neck. always
insists I'm notsch drunksh. You're
drunksh. Everybodish drunksh. Botsch
me. Betsch lifsh."
When this individual was finally de-
posted in the Jag" car he would
probably insist on getting of imme
diately and suing the company unless
he were held down by the special POI
liceman. After the car was finally
filed and the door locked, however.
the jags would probably forget about
suing the company and settle down
to enjoying themselves and the 20,
be Joyful car would present a scene
Of exhilarating pandemon;um that
would reach its climax at every sta
ton where the conductor. the police
man. and the train crew would have
! to violently remove the passenger who
was supposed to ger OF the train at
1 that place. On Christmas and New
Years nights and the evenings Of
big political rallies it would be ne
cessary for the railroad and street car
companies to have not merely jag
cars, but jag" trains.
The notices of these trains could be
published in the papers. so that in
dividuals anticipating indulging in
spirituous and malt liquors would
know when they were to go home. The
F. G. and H. r. railroad. for instance.
| would issue a bulletin in the papers
1 to this effect.
Special jag train No. ALTA will
leave the Chicago State street station
at 1870 o'clock a. m. tomorrow morn
| ing. making stops at all suburban sta
| tons on its line The first car OF
this train will be reserved for gentle
men DRINKS. second for noisy DRINKS,
third for fighting DRINKS. and fourth
| for beastly DRINKS. A band will be
provided for the noisy drunks car and
choirmaster to lead the singing.
Two doctors and an ambulance corps
will accompany the beastly DRINKS
car. and prize-fighter and three
blacksmiths, will be on the fighting
DRINKS car. A committee of three
will be at the train to assert the pas
sengers and put them in their proper
cars. Accommodations will be pro
vided at the end of the line to pro-
perry care for all the passengers who
cannot be dragged of the train at
their proper stations. Mrs. Carrie
Nation. who will be provided for the
occasion with boxing gloves instead
OF a Ratchet. will ride on the train
and be permitted to use moral sua-
sion to induce passengers to sign the
| pledge. Accommodations should be
secured early as the number of pas
sengers to be carried is limited to
600.''
What pleasant time there would
be,