Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1901-12-28
SGzzE!NE


Little willie (sOn Of the host)-We
don't, eitber.-Ex.
Madge-Another of those swindling
beggars. He said he was blind, and
asked for a penny. beautiful lady,
Roosevelt. I daresay he was blind.
Mrs. Jones-Charles has an uncon.
qucrablc spirit. Mrs. Smith-IndeedY
Mrs. Jones-Yes; he was two hours unN
locking the front door early this morn.
ing.
To Begin at Once. Mamma-Never
put or until tomorrow what you can
do today. Johnnie-Well. then. I'll eat
the rest of the pie now.-Baltimore
World.
Colonel Brngg-1'vc fought and blcd
for my country, sir: I've" Alexan-
der Smart-Yes. but did you ever help
your wife hang pictures ?-Ohio State
Journal.
Mrs. Goldtsein-Ikey. Ikey! Felix
has svallered penny. Mr.. Goldstein--
Vot great poy. Alretty he wants to
shtart In peezness as a penny.in-der.
slot machine.
"Mlss HOller says she thinks she will
have her voice tried" swell, IL she
does, the verdict will be Guilty Of
murder In the first degree "-Phlladel.
phia Bulletin.
But surely" urged Barlow, seeing
IN believing" mot necessarily" re-.
sponded DObson; "for instance, I SEQ
you every day. but as to believing yon
-"-stray stories.
Blibson--How was Jones yesterday
Glibson-He seemed to be laboring un.
der a strange deluslon. Blibson--In.
deed! thought he was playing golf.
Glibson-SO did Jones Town Topics.
ANY word from my poor husband in
the other world" asked the widow Of
the medium. Nothing more" replied
the medium. "than a request for some
ice and palmetto fan."-Atlanta Con.
stltution.
Schoolmaster-New tell me. what
were the thoughts that passed through
Sir Isaac Newton's mind when the ap.
pie fell on his head? Hopeful Pupil
I Expects he was awful glad It warn't
q brick.-Tit-Bits.
Men Of genius seldom make any
money" remarked the blatitudinous
person. "Reallyw answered the very
modern man. AS II there were any
showing you are genius except max.
Ing money" -Washington Star.
Sizing Him Up. Shopman-What
style Of hat do you wish. sir? Cholly-
All! am not particular about the style;
something to suit my head. don't ye
know. Sh0pman-Step this way and
look at our soft felts.-Tit. Bits.
Miss Tourlste-YOu have some strong
and rugged types Of manhood out In
this western country. Stage Driver
Yaas. miss. we hev men out here thet
don't think It's nuthIn' Z hold up o
railroad train.-Ohio State Journal.
Mr.. Flushing (hospitably)-So you
have Joined our club. Mr.. Elmhurst
(wearily)-Yes. My wife has got the
house 90 full Of ''cosey corners" there
isn't any place where I can sit down
and DO omfortablc!- Brooklyn Eagle.
'The duke" said the European gen.
tlcmap. belongs to one Of tho most
eminent and influential families of our
time" "Indeed!' responded the Amer.
lean millionaire. with interest; "who u
his er-in.law Washington Star.
He--I know I'm late. but l couldn't
help Il. You see. l was detained cou.
pie Of hours by I'm old friend who had
lust got back to town after q long an
sence. I had to tell him all ! knew.
She (snappishly)-I don't see why that
should have kept you SO long.
Hostess-Are you o musician, MT
WhooperY Whooper. who Is dying to
give nm exhibition Of mis- powers-Well
-er-yes, ! think can lay claim Ia
some knowledge OF music. Hostess
I'm delighted to hear 1t. My daughter
IL going to play. and ! should DO 10
glad II you would turn the music FOL
her.
Partick-Its poor advice we've beer
glvln' me- Didn't 20 say tn best toimt
TO ask q mon favor was after dinner
Bifklns-l certainly did. swell. OF win
TO ould Buffers wild tn schmalles
kOind nv request. ana he refused. i
was after dinner. too" "Are you SURF
he had had his dInner?" "Faith IT.
little OF know about ould Buffers In
gins and Outcomih's; but ORD hat
mine."-N. Y. Weekly.
RallyIng Rapidly: Surgeon latter thu
operation)--I am glad to be able to as
sure you. Mrs. Tyte Phist. that thu
danger IL now over and your HUSBAND
will recover. We have successfully re
moved the appendix vermiformis. ant
II Is Of such unique formation that
shall preserve 1t for use In my medlca
lectures. Mr.. Tyte Phist Opening hi
eyes)-You'll allow me something TO
II. l suppose. dOctOr?-ChicagO Tribune
children" said the teacher. Will
instructing the class In composition
you should not attempt any flights o
fancy, but simply be yourselves. ant
write what IL In you. DO not imitat
any other persons writing or draw
inspirations from outside sources" A
u result Of this advice Johnny Wis
turned In the following composition
I'VE should not attempt any hites o
fancy. but rite what Is In us. In M
thare Is my stummick. lungs, hart, llv
or. two apples. one piece of pie. on