davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09
THE HELPFUL WOMAN.

| Her Advice to Her Husband and the
Result of Following 1t.
| There was once a Woman whose
Husband Depended on the State of
the Market for his Daily Toast. One
Day he Appeared before Her with a
Sad Countenance.
"All is Over, my Dear" said he.
Wheat is Way Down, and l doubt
if after Tomorrow we shall have More
than Ten Thousand Year to Live On.
I am Sorry that Married you to Drag
you Down to This, but must Tell you
Sooner or Later. am Ruined Man y
NAY, do not Lose Heart" said his
Wife. "Can you not Speculate Fur
ther?'
81 cannot" he replied, ''for I have
Lost my Nerve. My Friends Urge me
to Throw what Have into Copper,
but I Dare Not. Five Thousand a
Year would Hardly buy Croquettes for
Two. / would Better Keep what l
have Saved from the Smash"
"At any rate" said she, 'come Out
and Have some Lunch. Let us Go to
SAeiLy 3 anu get NICE 7LlLle BlrQ.
Then you will Feel Better"
"Bird!' exclaimed her Husband.
Unhappy Woman, If you see anything
better than Broiled Chicken and Beef
a la Mode for the Rest of Your Life,
you will Do Well. In my present
Frame Of Mind l would Suggest
Night Lunch Cart"
LET us have One Good Meal at
least" urged his Wife, before we Die
to the World. have Twenty Dollars
in my Purse. will Buy our Lunch
with that; after that the Night Lunch"
''Very well, for the Last Time" re.
piled her Husband.
Then they went to an Expensive
Restaurant and Ate a more than Salts
factory Luncheon. At the end Of it her
Husband said:
81 think Better Of that Copper than
/ Did,"
Then he went Back to Wall Street
and Made Sixty Thousand Dollars in
Minutes.
This teaches us that Digestion is the
Better Part of Valor.-Century.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09
Use For old Envelopes.

Rigid economy is the mother Of &C,
cumulatioS. One Of the buster bust
ness men of this city, with offices on
Broadway, never purchased scratch
book in his life and never wastes a
fresh piece Of paper on a memorandum
or column Of figures. Every envel-
ope that comes in his mail is sliced
apart, back from front, and the front
or address side, is preserved for use.
The inside forms clean, smooth
sheet go by 6A inches. One Of the
millionaires of Boston made his start
by saving empty nail kegs and selling
them back to the nailmakers for 10
cents each in trade. His clerks were
accustomed to kicking in the slaves
and burning them in the stove.-New
York Press.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09
cHoKIo.

Depot agent Lehman expects to take a
lay off in few weeks.
Thos. Moffatt'has as a guest this week
his brother, Clark Mofatt, from Ottawa
Canada.
Born-To Mr.. and Mrs. Jas. Wright, on
Tuesday, Feb. 5th, daughter.
Mrs. E1sey came over from Glenwood
Tuesday. Mr.. and Mrs. Elsey will occupy
rooms over E. 6. Miller's harness shop.
Mrs. Ben Patchett was called to Gibbin
Minn.,, Monday by the serious illness OF
his sister at that place.
The large lumber shed being erected by
]. Walker is rapidly nearing completion
Born-To Mr. and Mrs. Aleck Olson, on
Tuesday, Feb. 5th, "a daughter.
CO. Green has accepted a position as
manager of the Hennepin Lumber Co.'s
interests at this place.
ing the warehouse and Office, which they
recently bought of Green & Lehman and
as soon as the weather permits will begin
the erection of a shed 6Ox80.
Eli Burdette goes around now with
smile on his countenance and box of
cigars under his arm. It is a boy-arriv-
ed Monday morning.
H. c. Teare having sold his farm in the
town of Stevens, will move to Choke in
the spring.
The Court of Honor lodge at this place,
will give an entertainment in the hall
Wednesday night, Feb. 18th.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09
THE KING OF HANDCUFFS.
How. Harry HOudini, American, Sur
prised the British.

How Harry HOudini, American, Sur
prised the British.
When Harry Houdini, the American
king of handouts, arrived in England
he tried to arrange for an exhibit OF
his skill at Scotland Yard, but the
authorities refused to allow him an
opportunity Of putting on or taking of
official handouts, says London M. A.
P. So, accompanied by skeptical
London manager, he paid an ordinary
call as an American visitor to the
police headquarters. Mr.. Houdini,
after making the usual remarks on
everything he saw and heard, casually
asked question about pair Of hand
cuffs The guide took them down and
answered.:
ooh, these are handouts impossible
to remove"
Houdini was greatly interested, and
the incident closed by the American
visitor requesting his guide to lock the
handouts, on his wrists. Then he
turned his back and succeeded in get
S4AS IAOH JILL III a COuplS VI
One Of Houdini's strangest adven-
lures happened at big hotel in St.
Paul, Mimi, where he was very well
known. To his surprise, he found that
a couple of men occupying the rooms
on either side of his own appeared to
be mounting guard over him. At first
he only suspected this, but after few
days he was perfectly sure that one
or the other Of his neighbors Swallowed
his every movement One afternoon,
when Houdini was sitting in his own
room, he heard the sound of scuffling
outside the door. Flinging it open, he
discovered his two unknown friends
grasping third man, who had evil
IDENTIFY been wearing long dark cape
that was dragged on one side, showing
that he was heavily handcuffed.
Were a couple of detectives, Mr..
Houdini," painted one of the men.
"This fellow made his escape from jail
some days ago. We knew that he
wouldn't dare to go toaa locksnith to
get his handouts removed, and we
SUSPECTED that he might come to you. T
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09

| LCSL anu LILY WoOOAJ AhCC0 GAAAN " LIS
perrin to each other that I'd better stale
down on airth among the cabbages
Nobody as knows me can call me obsti
nate or sot, but I'll be summed if
propose to die and become an angel tt
be made fun of. You'll be on my side
about that, won't you?"
Mr.. Gallup heayed long sigh anG
seemed about to speak, but no wore
came. He had finished with the clothes
line and struck an article about the
reasoning powers Of the crow, and the
most direct question from Mrs. GalluL
would have passed unheeded. Her
tears fell for two or three minutes, and
then she asked:
] "And how about the beds up there
lou know we've slept on reatner Ded
ever since we was married, and I've
allus bin particular to smooth it down
from head to foot. I've got used to
feathers, and If l changed off I'd jest
lay there and kick around all night
long. DO they hev beds, Samuel, or do
they keap on fyin around all night long
and singin "I've Reached My Home at
Last" Seems to me that fyin and
singin all day would be enough unless
feel stronger than 1 do now. You
orter know these things, Samuel, and
you orter tell me so I'll know what to
depend on. I might stand sass from a
thousand angels, but do want my
own bed when night comes, and if one
Of my headaches comes on unexpected
IL T 1r,op4 * i-,or,, I'LL Ia, boSF> a o,,I>
Of. tea. Mrs. Watkins says they don't
drink tea in heaven, but don't see
how she kin know"
Mr.. Gallup was not directly appealed
to, and as he was reading that crow
had been known to feign death to avoid
having crowbar thrown at him he
made no sign.
''Waal, I've made up my mind to
few things" said Mrs. Gallup as the 81
lence grew painful. ''I'm goin up to
heaven to do the best kin. I'll be
nayburly with all the angels 1 meet
and let 'em understand tat 1 don't
want no more'n my share of harps and
wings and things. If don't find any
thin to eat or any beds to sleep on, /
shan't raise no fuss nor go into hyster-
les, the way Mrs. Taylor did at camp
meetin last year. Yes; I'll put up with
things as find 'em and make the best
Of it, and won't be jealous If few of
'em hev better clothes on or kin sing
better'n me. That's how I'll act, Sam
uel, and then If they pick on me they'll
git as good as they give. kin be
sassed and picked on Jest so fur, but
arter that they want to look out.
Would it put you out any, Samuel, If l
died at night instead of in the daytime?
AS 1 said, if died at night could slip
into heaven without any fuss, but If |
it's goin to make you any extra trouble |
I'll perish by daylight. What will be
the most convenient hour fur your
. There was deep silence. Mrs. Gal
lup's tears made no thud as they fell |
upon the carpet, and Mr.. Gallup was
reading with bated breath that an os-
trich covers Ii feet Of ground at every
stride when in full flight. The clock
licked, the silence grew deeper, and
the cricket on the hearth fell into
doze. Then Mr.. Gallup suddenly laid
aside his paper, stretched his arms and
legs, with a "Ho-humv and looked
around to find Mrs. Gallup asleep in
her chair. She hadn't gone to join the
angels-not yet. M. QUAD.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09
sunday Hnhita.

The average man does himself SC
much harm on Sunday that he does
not recover until the following Wednes-
day. In the .nrst place, he loafs
around the house instead of being ac-
tive. as on weekdays. In the next
place, he. eats his breakfast later than
usual, and his dinner earlier, and the
result is that he is knocked out until
Wednesday. The best thing to do on
Sunday is to conform to your usu.
nabits as much as possible.
Globe.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09
ALIGHT IN THE YARD
MRS. GALLUP RECOGNIZES IN IT HER
SUMMONS TO HEAVEN.

But She Fails to Get Any InfOrma-
tiOn From Her Husband as to the
Manner In Which She Should Act
the Angels.
copyright, 1900, by G. B. LewiA1
When Mr.. Gallup sat down for the
evening, he had his newspaper on his
knee and Mrs. Gallup was singing
Rock Of Ages and clearing away the
supper table. He had been reading for
quarter of an hour when she quietly
entered and nat down and said:
samuel, don't want to disturb you
nor make you feel bad, but 1 feel oblig-
ed to ask you few questions. Last
night at midnight Mrs. Watkins saw
light moving around in our back yard.
1t was a light which bobbed up and
bobbed down and lodged this way and
that, and when it finally went out it
gave a great wink and splutter. 1t
was what they call ghost lantern,
Samuel and it meant that there would
be death in this house within a week.
It'll be my death, of course, I've got
% different ailments, with heart dis
ease throwed in, while you are as
healthy as cornfeld. Yes; it'll be me,
j. but I'm not weepin over it. I'm sittin
right here as calm as catnip, but
want to know some few things"
~ Mr; Gallup must haye known Of her
presence, but he was too deeply inter-
~ested in his paper to recognize it. He
had found an article which said that a
bedbug could, be boiled in water for
-four hours and then come out with his
ambition undaunted.
81 shall go to heaven when die, of
course" continued Mrs. Gallup as her
voice broke little. Il orter go there.
Any woman who has whitewashed the
cellar every spring for q years, be-
sides maxim soft soap, cuttin carpet
rags, dyein over old clothes and maxim
one corset last her for Is years, will go
to heaven on the jump. What bothers
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09
An Equine BANQUET.

Horses were the sole guests at q re.
cent dinner given by company Of
English men and women who went
from London into the, country for the
sole purpose of entertaining their four
footed dependents. The menu includ
ed chopped apples and carrots and
slices of white bread mixed with a
few handfuls of sugar.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09
a Poner From the small BOY.

Don't boil those canned
peas. Bridget. They only want to be
warmed.
Little Tommy Mamma, peas can't
talk. can they?
Mamma OF course not, DEAR Why?
Little Tommy Then how do you
know what they want2 Philadelphia
Press.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09
Proper Return.

II hurl the lie back in your teeth!" he
cried.
Which was quite appropriate, for
they, too, were false. = Philadelphia
North American.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09
a wide GnIf.

Briggs hear you have been operat-
ing in Wall street.
Griggs- A great mistake. I've been
operated upon Harper's Bazaar.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09

ME, however, is how Pm goin to act
Rrter I git there. You know how COM
pany allus illustrates me. If three or
four of the neighbors come in, I'm al
most sure to fall off my cheer or knock
over sunthin. How's it goin to be when
] git up there and meet a hull pasture
full Of angels? There'll be millions of
% 'em, Samuel, and they'll all be lookin at
me and Wonderin who am, and I'll be
80 URsot that I'll fall over my own
feet"
-*-Sba paused to wipe the tears from
her eyes with the palm Of her hand,
but as she had asked no direct ques-
tons Mr.. Gallup finished the bug arti-
Gle and turned to one on the care Of
clotheslines.
81 don't want to be looked at and
p'inted out and made fun of up there"
said Mrs. Gallup as she sat with her
eyes on the carpet Cali night long last
night I couldn't sleep for thinkin that
some of the angels would turn up their
noses at me and want to know what on
airth was doin there. You remember
Sarah Jane Bixby, who died two years
ago? Sarah was snippy and sassy. If
she went to heaven, it would be jest
her way to want to know why I'd come
tlyin up there, with my rheumatic and
back aches I'd have to sass her back
and then what would happen? Angels
do sass each other sometimes, don't
they, Samuel?"
If Mr.. Gallup had ever given the mat
ter thought, he was too busy to dis
cuss it. The statement was right be-
fore his eyes that 100000 miles Of
clothesline went to destruction every
year for want Of being hung up in the
wood shed when not in use, and he was
rejecting on the carelessness Of HUI
mainly in general.
81 may git up to heaven in the night,
when all the angels are asleep, and so
I'll slip in all right. l hope that'll be
the way, because it'll give me chance
to kind o. git used to the place before
daylight. Do you think they have any
breakfast up there? Mrs. Watkins says
they don't, but / don't really see how
they git along without it. know
should feel goneness all day without
breakfast And want you to look at
me, Samuel, and see if I'm the hum
blyest woman ever born. | have read
that when we die we are changed as in
the twinklin of an eye | hope it's SO.
If it amt, then l can't expect no good
times up there. Them angels will be
D'intin out nv lon shoulder. NV hiD
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09

Women suffer-
ing from female
troubles and
weakness, and
from irregular
or painful mem
ses, ought not
Ito lose hope Il
doctors cannot
help them. Phy-
sicians are 50
busy with other
diseases tn at
they do not une
derstand fully
%ho 1ao,11;oroi1.
uoents and the
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09
RRADFXHDyS
I Female. RenuIato1D
] fair tr1aI I'd

which is the true cure provided
by Nature for all female troubles. #
Is the formula of physician of the
highest standing, who devoted his
whole life to the study of the dis
tinct ailments peculiar to our moth4
ers. wives and daughters. It is made:
of soothing, healing, strengthening
herbs and vegetables. which have
been provided by kindly Nature to
cure irregularity in the menses, Leu.
corrhea, Falling of the Womb, Nerve
BUSINESS, Headache and Backache.
In fairness to herself and to Brads
fields Female Regulator, every
suffering woman ought to give it q
trial. A large 81 bottle will do q
wonderful amount Of good. Sold by
druggists.
Send for nicely illustrated free book the subject.
The Bradheld Regulator Co., Atlanta, c.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09
THE WILLMAR HOSPITAL.
Willmar, Mimi,

Now open to the public.
DIR. E. S. FROST and DIR. E. H. FROST.
Surgeons in Charge,
DIR. ARCHIBALD McCLAREN, fSt. Pau,
Consulting Surgeon.
Pleasant rooms with hot water heat and
electric lighted.
Cor. Becker Ave. and 7th St.
TELEPHONE NO. 20.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1901-02-09

But She Fails to Get Any InfOrma-
tiOn From Her Husband as to the
Manner In Which She Should Act
when She Enters Her Home Among
the Angels.
The chieftain., 1901-09-07
TEACHERS EXAMINATION.

The county board of examiners,
consisting of Elfego Baca, Jos.
E. Smith, and E. A. Drake, met
in this city August 80 for the
examination of applicants for
teachers certificates. There were
about twenty applications for
first and second grade certificates.
In accordance with the provisions
of the Springer law the papers of
applicants for these grades were
graded by the board and then
forwarded to the territorial board,
who may examine the papers and
endorse the grades before certifi-
Gates are issued. 1t will probably
be several days before it will be
positively known who are the
successful applicants.
Following are the names of the
successful applicants for third
grade certificates:
Leoner Molinar, Crecencio c.
Torres, Gabriel S. Pine, David
Flores, Giribaldy Vigil, Pedro
A. Vigil, Douaciano Cordova,
Alexandra Gallegos, Abelino
Lopez, Mrs. Carlota Sayles,
Estevan Flores, ]. J. Trujillo.
The chieftain., 1901-09-07
SOCORRO COUNTY'S VALUATION.
Abstract Of the Assessors Report 10 the
Territorial Auditor.

Following is an abstract Of Assessor
Benjamin Sanchez's report to the terri
torial auditor:
Agricultural lands, 4,0777{ acres;
value, S45, 37S; value of improvements,
Si3, 3,74S; total value Of land and. inn
provements, Ss7,126.
Grazing lands, 62i, ,22OX acres; value,
S243, i39; value of improvements, St03,-
927; total value of land and improve
ments, S347, 900.
City or town lots, 3,7l7; value,
S67, ,90S; value of improvements, Si42,-
GAS; total value of lots and improve
ments, S21O,553.
Telegraph and telephone lines, l99
miles; value, S6,392.
Railroads, 127 miles; value with
rolling stock, S633, ,622; value of build
ing &c, SIG, $3.50; total value, S6S3,O02.
Mines-value of surface improve
ments, S13, ,225; value of net product,
SO, AIS.
Saw and Touring mills-vaiue,
IS, $50.
Steam engines, 8; value, 81, 400.
Horses, 6,276; value, 500, 100.
Mules, 317; value, SIS, 120.
Cattle, 81, zoo; value, 1851, $40.
Sheep, S6,067; value, S1O0,867.
Goats, 3,75S; value, 5,334.
Swine, 1856; value, $3.50.
Burros, 283; value, 921.
Vehicles of all kinds, 819; value,
] SIG, ,2Os.
Sewing machines, 365; value, 81, 1913.
Saddles and harness--value, So, ,170.
Merchandise-value S97, ,S3S.
Capital in manufactures, S335.
Farming mplements-value, a, 433.
Saloon and Office fxtures-value,
S4, ,2SS.
Money, $500.
Watches and clocks-value, 81, 1888.
Books-value, 81, $50.
Jewelry-value, 81, ,252.
Musical instruments,--v So, AS,
Household furniture-value, S2S, $50.
Shares of stock in banks and
corporations, 10; value, 500.
Corn-value, $50.
Hay and alfalfa-value, $50.
Lumber-value, $225.
Coal, 10 tons; value, $40.
Blacksmiths' and carpenters tools
value, 1870.
Other property not described-vaiue-
| S14, 516.
Honey bees--value $109.
| Total assessed valuation, s., ,062, $50;
exemptions, $139, 800; balance of proper
ty valuation subject to tax, 81, ,922, $50.
The chieftain., 1901-09-07
ESCAPED FROM CUSTODY.
Mrs. Annie Freeman Steals from
Sheriff Blackington's Residence
in the Night and Flees
for Texas,

Mrs. Annie Freeman, the
woman who recently suffered
sensational arrest in FL Paso and
was brought to Socorro under in
dictmeut for larceny, escaped
Sunday night from the residence
of Sheriff Blackington where she
was held in custody and treated
to the best the home afforded.
She took the southbound train
and if the train had been on
time instead of an hour late she
probably would have crossed the
line into Texas or into Mexico in
safety. Sheriff Blackington dis
covered her absence soon enough,
however, to wire Sheriff Lucero
of Dofia Ana county to arrest her
on the arrival of the train at Las
Cruces.
Sheriff Blackington went down
to Las Cruces Monday night ex-
pecting to bring his prisoner
back with him and lodge her in
Jail, but he found that she had
been arrested there on a charge
of stealing from the Wells Fargo
Express company. 1t is fortunate
that the woman was not brought
back to Socorro. She would
probably have remained in custo-
dy here for a year before a trial
could have been had and the ex-
pense to the county would have
been considerable. In DoIia Ana
county she is likely to have a
trial soon on the offense with
which she is charged there.
Mrs. Freeman's case is pecul-
lar. She has recently brought
suit against the Santa Fe COM
pany for $15,O0O damages for in
juries alleged to have been re-
ceived in the burning of a sta
tion house in which she was EN-
| ployed. She now represents that
she is being prosecuted by the
company, and she seems to have
some sympathizers in FL Paso
On the other hand it is alleged
on what seems to be good author
ity that she was a woman of I'M
enviable reputation before she
came to New Mexico and thaf
she has sustained the reputation
we'll since coming.
The chieftain., 1901-09-07
Magdalena Notes.

Magdaleua, N. M. Sept. 2, 1901.
EDITOR CHIRFTAIN;
send you few items from our
little burg.
The ranges are good but need
little more rain TO put us
through the winter in good shape.
Our town will be lively for
few days in order to attract the
merry COW boys who will un-
doubtedly spend their money free
ly with the saloons.
The lobo wolf has returned
from his summer resort to put In
supply of winter meat. He
may get TO inspect a few steel
traps before he gets to his winter
quarters.
The Red River Cattle company
shipped a few carloads of cattle
from here today. Mr.. Gilpatrick
of Cripple Creek, Colo, also ship
ped a few cars of cattle that he
bought of George Belcher.
Yours respectfully,
LoNE BAcHEIoR.
The chieftain., 1901-09-07
Nights Of Enchantment.

On Tuesday nigkt at the X.
p. hall, one of the most refined
sensational entertainments given
in many day will be presented.
The hall will be arranged with
a stage on which the most beau-
tiful and costly apparatus and
paraphernalia will be arranged
enabling the presentation of the
latest inexplicahle acts and start
ling transformations.
The performance will be inter,
spersed with laughable eccentTi'
cities, delineations, musical rem
ditions and vocalizations,
Reserved seats on sale al
Howell's drug store.
The chieftain., 1901-09-07
PRESIDENT M'KINLEY SHOT.
A pastardly Deed That May Re-
suit in the Death Of the
Chief Executive.

The startling news was receiv-
ed in the city yesterday that
President Mckinley was shot
while on the Pan-American Ex-
position grounds in Buffalo. II
appears that shortly after noon
while he was receiving the con-
gratulations of enthusiastic
crowds the President was ap-
preached by a we'll dressed man
who extended his hand as if in
congratulation but suddenly fred
two shots in quick succession.
One shot took effect in Mr.. Nc
Kiuley's breast and the other in
his abdomen, tits reported that
the assassin is a Polish an
archist from Detroit. He is now
in custody, The latest reports
are to the effect that President
Mckinley Is conscious and rest
ing we'll.
The chieftain., 1901-09-07
SOcOrrO COunty's Most Distinguished
Citizen.

Honorable Juan Chavez y Luz
cero of precinct No. 10, San Juan,
should be heralded as Socorro
county's most distinguished citi-
zen. OF all the citizens of the
county who are engaged in the
strenuous pursuit of the elusive
almighty dollar, Hon. Juan Cha
vez y Lucero is the only one who
has succeeded in making a single
capture. AT least, the assessors
books credit that gentleman with
$500, and according to those same
books that is the only money in
SocOrro county.