Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-01-04
Doesn,t Melt.

Doesn't Melt.
"It's terrible, the way the price OF
coal is going up" walled the pessimist.
well, there is one thing TO be thank
full for" said-the optimist; coal doesn't
melt like ice"-Philadeiphia Record.
Regretted 1t.
Lena-I didn't think you'd let man
kiss you on such short acquaintance.
Maude-Well, he thoroughly con-
vinced me that it was all my fault that
I hadn't met him sooner.-Smart Set.
Of Course.
''It seems to be an actual fact that
an Indian never laughs y
Nonsense! Didn't Longfellow make
a?''-PhiIadelphia Press.
Some Cause Tor Joy Yet.
"Well, Dave, what did you do on your
fiftieth birthday?"
"Oh,.I Il passed resolutions that l was
glad wasn't 1O0."-Detroit Free Pless.
NOLn1nE IN 1Ls
Giles-At last l have got a letter
from my rich uncle in California.
Hilton-Anything in 1t of interest?
Giles-Not cent.-Boston Transcript.
Seldom.
Song writers may turn out airs by the
million, but they seldom become mil
Iian ipao
A Joint Wardrobe.
'Do you like your new cook"
"Oh, yes, l haven't worn my silk cape
but once since she came, but, gracious!
Pm not going to bother her about lit
tie thing like that."-Indianapolis Jour-
nal
Discovery.
you seem to have discovered the Sc
cret of keeping a servant girl, Mrs.
Hill?"
Eyes. Several years ago l found a
maid whom my gowns would exactly it,
and have had no trouble since. Den
yer Times.
Simply TX sts.
Miss Pepprey-Gracious! You don't
mean to say that you absolutely do
nothing?
Cholly-Aw, weally, 1 don't even do
that. My man attends to ev'wything,
y know.-Philadelph Press.
Raff1ed.
There's no use," said Mr.. Cumrox,
81 amt going to try to superintend the
education of my daughter any more"
"Why not?"
''They're getting along where l can't
follow 'em. hear 'em chattering some
times, and l can't tell whether they
are reciting their Latin lesson or count
ing out for a game of hide and SEEK
Washington Star.
Her Valuation.
Biggs Ito cabmanl-What will you
charge to take me and. my wife to
Blanks Hotel?
Cabman-Half a crown, SIR.
Biggs-And how much for taking me
alone?
Cabman-The same-half a crown.
Biggs Ito his wife)-There, my dear,
you see how much you are valued at
Tit-Bits.
Worked Both Ways.
81 can't have lost all my good looks"
said Miss Northside to her best friend,
Miss Shadyside, "for l can st1l obtain
a seat in crowded street car"
"Oh, WELL" replied Miss Shadyside,
you know the men will give seats to
old age as we'll as to youthful beauty"
Chronicle Telegraph.
FerpIexing.
Mamma, my birthday comes this
year on Monday, doesn't it!'
"Yes, dear"
And last year it was on Sunday,
wasn't it?"
tYes, dear"
did it come on Saturday the year
before last?'
Eyes, dear"
Mamma, how many days in the
week was born on ?'-The King.
An 11literate.
Jane-What did you ever reject John
Gray for?
Kitty-He was so illiterate.
Jane-Illiterate? Why, l thought he
was man of superior education.
Kitty-Well, he wasn't. He didn't
even know the rudimen.s, for when L
told him mo" and thought sure he
would read between the lines, would
you believe it, the gump picked up his
hat and went home.-De;ro.t Free
Press.
The Strenuous Life.
New Reporter tired out)-To-day is
and you know that this State
now has Saturday half-holiday law
which