Hot Springs weekly star. (Hot Springs, S.D.) 1892-1917, 1901-06-14

What then?" "Dig."-Detroit Free
Press. .
Ethel-You know. / want q husband
who is easily pleased. Maud-Don't
worry. dear. That's the kind you'll
get.-Tit-Bits.
News: whats your son been doing
in the Philippines" lighting for his
country" What! Has he turned
Filipino?"-Life.
Teacher-How many commandments
are there? Small Boy-'Leven. "Elev-
en-? What is the eleventh." Keep on
the grass."-Boston Journal.
AIS Well That Ends Well: Timid
Lady-Are people ever lost in this riv-
er? Boatnan-No, ma'am; we always
find them in Il day or two.-Fun.
Their Fate: Mamma Bird-Did 1 ever
tell you what becomes of bad little
birds when they die? Little Bird-Oh,
yes! They're used in the millinery
hasiness.-Puck.
The Law: Prisoner-1t's difficult to
see how can be Il forger, your lord
ship. Why, can't sign my wi name!
Judge-You are not charged with sign
ing your OWL name.-Tit-Bits.
1.-The Secretary of Agriculture is go
ing to distribute trees" That's right;
flower seeds. trees-and after q while
hammocks, fountains and garden set
tees."-Chicago Record Herald.
a Future Great Ones Shoes: When
a mother puts away her baby's first
shoe, it is with self-expressed be-
lief that some day the State Historical
Society will send for it.-Atchison
Globe.
~ tell you your country Is painfully
new. Why. you haven't wen any fairy
tales" Haven't, ell? Well, you just
come with me and look at the tablets
on our best "-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
e.Customer-Didn't you tell me this
horse was afraid of nothing? Dealer
That's just what 1 said. "Why, he
SHES at his own shadow" well, a
shadow is about as near nothing as
anything i know of."-New York
Weekly.
"You are wanted in a hurry at Mr..
Gazzam's," cried the messenger
breathlessly. Are you sure they sent
for me?" asked young DIR. Killiam.
Eyes, they said you couldn't do any
harm, as Mr.. Gazzam's dying 1row."-
Philadelphia Press.
what is the marriage rate in these
parts?" asked the stranger who was
getting statistics. 'The marriage rate"
responded the native, proudly, lis two
dollars for the license an a kiss from
the bride. The sheriff gets both, an
Pm the her ff."-Philadelphia Record.
Rube-Yaas. 81 is dead; went inter
town ter git q tooth pulled; dentist fell
Ter told him he'd better take gas fust
AM osh-Dentist gev him too much.
eh? Rube-Oh, no; after the dentist
Teller told him that, he went back to
his hotel an took the gas hisself.-Phil.
adelphia Press.
Wildwood Dapering a room, perspir-
ingly)-Penelope! Mrs. Wildwood Zap
prehensively)-What is it, Mortimer?
Midwood-Well, 1 guess the man who
made a geometrical rule that parallel
lines never meet, never, tried to hang
wall paper with parallel stripes in it!
Brooklyn Eagle.
Steelton-I think the latest incubator
has reached such q height of excellence
that improvement would be impossible.
Clayton-I don't know about that. The
man who should invent an incubator
that would scratch up worms for the
little chicks would make q fortune
Philadelphia Record.
Two workmen We're; standing before
a large advertisement of a hair re-
Btorer and discussing its optimistic
promises. "D'you think it's true?" said
one. "True" replied the other. "D'you
think If it was true that the haristoc.
racy wouldn't ave leads of air like
'edge'ogs?"-London Globe.
Breaking 1t Gently: Clergyman (af.
ter being rescued from the shipwreck)
Mr.. Smith, did 1 really appear scared
when we thought all would be lost?
MI. Smith, can't say that you were
scared, but for a man who has been
trying to get to heaven all these years
you appeared most reluctant to accept
the opportunity.-Bazar.
Some Eastern singers in a Western
town not long ago, whose coming had
been heralded by big posters announc-
ing Concert all over the place, etc.,
overheard the following between two
of the natives while walking home
from the performance. THAT was a
beastly concert. Nothin' but music!"-
New York Evening Sun.
Noah's Good Heart: What did that
seedy-looking fellow on the dock want
Of you, father?" inquired Noah's
youngest hopeful of the ancient mari.
liner. "He wanted to come aboard
with u.s." And what did you tell HING"
81 told him it was impossible" But
1 thought l saw you hand him m
thing" well, yes; I felt so sorry for
him that l loaned him my best um-
brella."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.