davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
3 star:l;ng scrn,on.

Once when Father uonore, Il cele-
brated Capachin of the seventeenth
century, was preaching on the vanity
of the world he suddenly produced q
Skull, which he held up to view.
''spellls" he cried. Were you not per-
ilaps tho head CT a magistrate? ST.
lencc gives consent" Then, clapping
upon the skull the cap of a judge, he
continued: NH, la! Hast Thea never
sold justice for gold? Hast thou never
been snoring i.lany times during IL hear
Ing, ctc.? l,ow many magistrates have
sat under lie llciirs-delis only to put
virtue ut Il disa,!vantagc?"
Casting aside the skull he held up
another, which in like manner he adj
dressed "Wast thou not perhaps the
skull of one of those beautiful ladies
who occupy themselves only with
catching hearts after Tie manner of
bird catchieg:' Then. arraying it in
u headdrcss. lie continued: "All, ha,
Empty head! Where &rc these lovely
eyes which cast such Fascinating
slances, that pretty mouth which slinp-
ed such gracious smiles, that made so
many unhappy ones to weep in hell?
Where are those teeth wlich chcwed
upon so many hearts only ID make
them more tender for the DEVILS eat
ing?' and SD on. bringing forth skull
after skull and appropriately decking
them to receive his reproofs.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Winding Tiu,cnlccca.

81 have been doing Il little figuring
on timc," remarked an erratic citizen
yesterday, land l have reached some
rather interesting conclusions. want
ed to find out how much time man con-
sumed in keeping tab on time, and
found that, if the whole world is con-
sidered i'll the computation. years
would be crowded into second OF
time.
ITO illustrate what mean. take q
city where 100000 watches are wound
up every day. Now, it takes probably
an average of IL seconds to wind IL
watch. 1t would take, then, 100000
seconds to wind 100000 watches. This
would mean 25,O0O minutes or $50
hours and 10 minutes, or % days and
1G hours. l suppose there are in the
city of New Orleans 100000 watches
and clocks to be wound up every day,
so that nearly Al month is spent in the
city every day>'in winding watches and
clocks.
"One man ina years time would con-
sumo 5,475 seconds in winding his
MutNH ~ Ac IS prompt IDOul IL ana is
willing to give 10 seconds every day
to this useful article. This would
mean several hours during every year
that he kept up the practice. Allowing
30 years as the average life, man
would spend s191,525 seconds, or $3.50
minutes and.41 seconds, or $50 hours
and 10 minutes, or % days and 20
hours, in winding his watch."-New
Orleans Timcs4Dcmocrat.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
rennaylznnia Weasels.

Possibly few who read of "kings'
robes of royal crmine" appreciate that
the rightful and first posscssors Of the
bcautcous coat is sometimes denizcn
of the keystone State 1t may be that
some subtle force suggested to turn
coat monarchs to choose the pelt of this
animal for their own. In fact, during
the greater portion Of the year the er-
mine is q plain egg sucking weasel. AS
winter comes on he assumes white
coat, with a black tipped tail.
putolus noveboraccnsis, us the scien-
tist calls the weasel OF ermine, ranges
from North Carolina away up into Cam
ada. 1t is rare, however, to take CT
mine or white coated weasels in Penn
sylvania, although two specimens have
just been received ut the Academy of
Natural Sciences from Sullivan county.
In fact, south of Pennsylvania the wea-
sci never changes color in winter, .and
this fact goes far to slbstantinte the
theory of protective coloration. Thus
when snow covers the ground the white
crmine becomes nearly invisible, while
in his weasel's guise during the sum-
mer he is not nearly so conspicuous as
he would be did he wear his white coat
all the year round.
Another interesting fact is that while
the animals that live in the north al
ways change color those in the south do
not, the reason being that their white
color would not protect, but destroy.
them, as there is almost no snow In the
SOUTH Record,
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Europc,s Ice Sunnly.

Few perhaps among the tourists Who
visit Norway for the pleasures of it's
scenery are aware that here they are at
the headquarters OF Europes ice sup
ply. 10 the mountain lakes of that
country the continent looks for ice.
The ice is of the finest quality, for the
lakes are of crystal clear water, high
up in the mountains, and arc surround
cd by Very tall pines. The ice supply
is controlled by syndicatcs.
After having been cut into great
squares by plows tho blocks of ice are
sent down the mountainside on Slides
On the way they acquire amazing We
locity and plunge into un inclosed pool
beyond which arc the ice ships await
ing their frozen cargo.
1t sometimes happens that through
delay in the starting OF the vessels or
the cutting of unusual quantities from
the lakes to supply exceptional de-
mands the supply runs short. Then it
is that ice becomes dear. and even in
winter time is Il luxury that must be
indIlgcd in sparlngly. But ice is used
In Europe far less commonly than in
America, and Il deficient supply does
not occasion the sense OF loss that it
would cause i'll this country.-Youth's
Companion.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
The Florida Rnzorback.

The Florida "raZorback" Is the hog
indigenous to this climate and soil. He
is usually large of limb and fleet of
foot, being the only known porkcr that
can outrun darky He has a tail of
wondrous length, which, while he is in
active motion, he twists into the tight
est corkscrcw, but with which while
quietly feeding he raps his leathery
sides much in the same manner that
the docile COW uses her tail
He is self supporting. He earns his
own living and thrvcs equally well in
the hghwoodS, i'll the tiatwoods, in the
hummocks and in the marshes. He
subsists upon anything lie can find
above the earth or underneath its sur
face. He has clear. farseeing eye
and is very sensitive of hearing. Ma
ture has equipped him with n snout al
most as long as the beak of the wild
pelican of Borneo, with which he can
penetrate the earth many inches in
quest of worms, snakes and insects.
He is the most intelligent of all tn.
hogs and Is likewise the most coura-
geous. He has been known to engage In
mortal combat with Il coon for the pos
session of watermelon and to rend
asunder barbcd wire fence.-Forest
and Stream.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Time ana Tcls;:hone work Wonders.

Ii1ne nn1 Telephone Work yvoHders,
u was startled the other day and in
an entirely new way" said Il prominent
electrical engineer. srhe use Of the
telephone has become so much Il part
of my life that in talking With my
friends and acuulintances every few
days | apparently kept up the ac-
Quaintance us of old, when l lsed to
sec them moro regularly. \ few days
ago had occasion to visit an cid time
friend Of mine with whom had talked
probably once a week or oftencr for
the past three or four years, but whom
l had not seen during that period.
When l met him, was startled. His
black beard had turned gray, almost
white, and he had changed in other
respects, as was natural, during the
three or four years of that period vet
through the use OF the telephone had
IN my minds eye seen him as of old
every time had talked With him, ana
you may imagine how surprised, even
shocked, was to see this change in
him.
Did you ever have similar expert.
ence! l Imagine the increasing use of
the telephone causes many of them.
You hear the usual voice on tlle tcle-
phone and mentally picture the friend
as he looked when you saw him last.
which may have been Il year or several
years III the past. Electrical Review.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Advice In Hia Answers.

The Rev. John McNcill was holding
n revival service at Cardiff, Wales, and
announced that lie would answer any
question about the Bible. AT once n
note was sent up to him rcnding as
follows:
Dear Mr.. McNcill-1f you are seeking
to help young men, kindly tell me who
was Gains wife"
That seemed a poser, and the audi
encc waited with intense interest. tenn
percd with amusement, to soc how the
good man would cNtricatc himself. Aft
er pause he said:
II love young men, especially young
inquircrs for light, and l would give
this young man q word of advice. II is
this: Don't lose your souls salvation
looking after other peoples; wives
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Hint. For S,,ol.e,.

Here is a good tip for n smoker: The
best pipe grows foul sometimes, and
the various patent cleaning devices are
of little use in making it fresh. But if
you pack the bowl tight with grass or
hay and lay the pipe aside for few
days you will have it as sweet as when
1T was new. Talking about smoking,
here is a good idea for lighting match
es: Don't light them ON your trousers,
for you'll burn slits in them, nor on
your shoe solcs, for you'll rub the heads
off. The plan is to rub them on Il piece
of papcr-a folded newspaper an envcl-
opc, a ticket. The silica in the paper
acts like sandpapcr.
Many people can't smoke Il dozen
cigarettes without getting Il sore throat.
1nveteratc cigarette smokers are frc-
quently troubled with Il perpetual cold
in the head. 1t is not the smoke that
Is to blame, but the dust. Now, If you
use cigarette tube-amber. cherry or
cardboarda tiny bit of cotton wool in
the bottom of it will catch every par
ticlc of dust. Try this, and you'll have
no more sore throats. But YOU may not
enjoy the smOke.-EXchange
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
A Cruel Blundcr


Two brothers had the habit of calling
on the same South Side girl. One of
the brothers, George, was to take part
in some private theatricals, and the
girl had promised to fix up q shirt and
II pair of shoes for his costume. The
articles We're to be delivered to her on
a certain evening.
Frank, the second brother, took it In
to his head to call on the girl that same
evening. Frank knew nothing of the
arrangements George had made with
her to help him with his costume. He
rang the bell, asked the maid to tell the
girl tlat.Mr. Allen had called and sat
down in the parlor.
The maid went up stairs and present.
ly returned, trying hard not to smile.
Miss Jones says she is busy Just
now and that you are to send up your
shirt and Shoes" was the message she
handed Frank.
"Whaty' he yelled.
"I'm to take UP your shirt and Shoes"
Thanks, but may need them my
self to go home with. hope Miss Jones
will be better in the morning. Never
mind; will close the door myself,"-
Chicago Chronicle.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15

The following extract from the Lon
don Times of May II. 1901, gives an
Interesting picture of the good cid
days: 1T is now the high fashion to
run, or at least to trot, through the
streets at rate of six miles an hour.
A running walk is absolutely necessary
for any young man who has the least
pretcnsion to ton. You must lounge in
Il hurry and saunter With expedition.
1t is an old provcrb, the more haste the
worst speed, but Bond street daily
shows us the more hurry the less to
do. When we see our idle youths rid
ing race horses, walking for wagcrs or
boxing for fame. we must agree with
Horace that 'strcnua nos eXercet in
1,rfio
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Where He Failed.

The young man drew himself up to
his full height.
81 have" he cried, "an unsullicd
character, an ardent heart, versatile
mind and strenuous biceps."
The young girl yawned and seemed
Interested.
He was quick to push his advantage.
Il am the possessor of town and
country house, a yacht. stable Of
thoroughbreds and a box ut the opera"
She hesitated, and slight flush be-
trayed that she was listening.
II have got" he continued, with a
certain fercencss, 80 servants, 40
pairs of trousers, so ancestors, three
automobiles, six prize bull pups and
an army commission"
All, she had found her tongue at last!
"And how many golf medals?" she
lisped.
The young man shuddered.
He felt that lie had lost. He had
played nervily and high, but she was
above his limit.-Judge.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
They Like Fat Girl. In runt..

Tunisian girl has no chance Of mar
riage unless she tips the scale at 200
pounds and to that end she commences
to fattcn when she is 10 years old. She
takes apcrients and eats great deal
of sweet stuff and leads q sedentary
life to hasten the process. Up to Is she
Is very handsome. but ut 20 what an
immense, unwieldy mass Of fat she be-
comes! She waddlcs, or. rather, undu-
lntcs, along the street. Her costume is
very picturesque, especially If she be
of the richer class. They are clothed
In fine silks Of rcsplcndent hues Of 4
bright rcd. yellow or green and wear n
sort of conical shaped headdress, from
which depends a loose white drapery.
Turkish trousers and dainty slippers,
the heel of which barely reaches the
middle Of the foot, complete the cos
tune.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Gilbert Islands Tinnlc.

Neither tea nor coffee is drunk in the
Gilbert islands, but liquor named kar-
afcc, or teddS. 1t is the Juice of the
cocoanut tree. from which it is drawn
daily at sunrise and sunset. To OBJ
tain it the natives climb up the tall
trees and while extracting 1T keep up n
constant yelling to let those below
Know that they arc at work. The sap
when fresh is Il harmless and delicious
beverage, but after it has been kept a
day or two fermentation sets ill., and 1t
becomes Intoxicating. Karafec does
not, however, fly to the head, but
man who drinks it to excess loses the
control of his legs. However, when
this bcfalls Il native he has sense
cno"sh To rcnnin indoors and shows
his face to 10 one, for il his chief
should ever hear of it he would be tried
and sentenced te hard labor and a
hcary fine.
In former days n native found intoxi-
caicd MnS tied to u tree and received a
hundred la!shcs, the blood fairly stream-
ing d"Mn his back. BESIDES this, all
his lands We're conilscalcd to the king
forever. Overland Monthly.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15

Talking of Maurice Barrymore re-
comfy, man who knew him well told
;l!is story of him:
4i,ce Wine agcat intruded upon a
party of which Barrymore was one.
The agent told Barrymore he was ~
man of good taste, and all that, and
wound up by saying:
When yoa want q bottle of Wine in
future, will you not sratily me by ask
ing for my wille:"
willy, of course" answered Barry
more most gl:ciously. II shall be de-
lighted to asN for your Wine. But,
heavens. Suppose they should have
it, Beverages.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Barnhart- Piner Nuptials.

This evening at the home Of
the brides parents in Stuart,
Iowa, at Z O'clock the marriage of
Mr. John Barnhart of Missouri
Valley and Miss Fannie L Piner
will be celebrated.
The colors used in decorations
will be green, pink and white; the
flowers, carnations and roses. To
the notes of the wedding march
played by Miss Addie Barnhart,
sister of the groom, the wedding
patty will enter the east parlor
and take their places under q
Gothic arch formed of asparagus
and ferns with liberal sprinkling
of pink and white carnations and
white roses. Little Ruth and Al
bert Montgomery will he ribbon
bearers and will scatter flowers
along the ribbon formed aisle.
The bride will have as maid of
honor Miss Blanche Smythe of
Stuart, and Harry Sloan Of Chi.
cago will attend the groom as best
man.
The impressive ring service of
the Episcopal church will be read
by Rev E 81 III Holman.
The wedding robe of the bride
will be white silk mousseline de
sol, entrain, with trimmings of
real lace. She will carry shower
bouquet of brides roses.
The brides maid will be gowned
in white silk null and carry an
arm bouquet of roses.
No guests will be present but
the immediate families and very
few close friends of the bride.
After congratulations wedding
supper will be served in q pink
and white dining room, the young
ladies serving being costumed in
harmony with the prevailing
oolors.
Mr. and Mrs Barnhart will re.
main in Stuart some time visiting
relatives. After September lst
they will be at home to their
friends at their home on Superior
street, Missouri Valley.
The friends who will attend the
wedding from Missouri Valley
are Mrs Barnhart, mother Of the
groom, and his two sisters, Misses
Susie and Addie Bsrnhart. No
cards.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
A Arrofe.,ionn1 nlundcr.

81 am satisfied now that 1 have made
a professional blundcr in your case"
the physician said, noting the symp-
toms of his patient.
"a blunder, doctor? Don't seem to
be improving fast enough:"
"You are improving too fast. Your
malady had begun to interest me eX-
cccdingly, and wanted to see what it
would develop into il allowed to run,
but I stupidity gave you a prescription
that has knocked it entirely out Of your
system. Tribune.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
The Inventor of the FIGURING Mil.

About the year 40 B. c. NItlridntcs.
king of Cappadocia, one Of the most
ingenious and able princes OF the time,
invented the first mill driven by water.
This triumph of his skill and iagcnai!7
he caused to be erected i'm the imne-
diatc vicinity of the royal palace. In
the course of time the Cappndocian
bakers became celebrated and were in
great demand throughout all parts OF
the world as then known.
These mills were usually placed up
on boats on the river, being so elevated
and contrivcd rs to be easily driven by
the water, and the millcrs were thus
enabled to move from place to place,
distributing the meal to their .custom-
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15

The annual picnic of the Harrison
County Grangers will be held at Orr
ton station on the Illinois Central
railroad, between Rode and Logan, on
Thursday, August 18th. Excursion
tickets will be on sale at all stations,
Dow City to Cradle inclusive, and ar
rsngements have been made for all
trains to stop at Orrton on this date.
For rates and time of trains ask your
nearest Illinois Central Agent.
ais
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Ceasclc.. Growth Of the Ear..

The systematic examination of more
than 10000 pairs OF human curs in
England and France has resulted in
some interesting conclusions. For one
thing. 1t is asccrtaincd that the car
continues to grow in the later decades
Of life. In fact, it appears never to
stop growing until death. A woman
who has small, shell-likc ears at 90
years of age will be very apt to possess
medium sized ears at 40 years and
large ears at GO. = Saturday Evening
Post.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Tun,;,,x,s aiis4nl.e

Father Come young man, get your
jacket off and come with me.
Tommy You're not going to lick me,
are you, dad?
Father Certainly. Didn't tell you
this morning that should settle with
you for your bad behavior?
Tomny-les, but thought it was
only joke, like when you told the
grocer you was going to settle with
him. .-Tit-Bits.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Not Cnrrclafixe.

Mrs. Housekcep- DO you really mean
to say you arc looking for work?
Harvard Hasbeen-No, lady; that's
neither what l said nor what 1 meant
to say. l said l was looking for en-
ployment.-Philadclph Press.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
A Puxzler.

Lady Passengcr-Do you know. cap
tain, have never been able to under
stand how you find your way across
the ocean?
Captain-Why, by the compass. The
needle always points to the north.
Lady Passcnger-Ycs, l know, but
supposing you want to so south?-Glas-
gov Times.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Too Rich For Hin.

links (meeting Winks In light lunch
cnfe)-lIello! What are you doing here?
Winks-Getting my lunch, Of course.
Jinks-But thought you were keep
ing swell restaurant down town.
Winks-So am, but wouldn't keep
1t long if ate there. It's too expen-
sive.-Philadelphia Press.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Dusy DAYS.

II suppose the demands on the time
of a successful tinancier are very
great"
",rhey are" answered the highly
prosperous citizen. II am kept SO much
occupied telling young men how. to sue
ceed In life that l scarcely get IN op-
portunity to attend to my regular busi-
ness. s."-Washington Star.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
The Same Old Crv.

'I wonder what Eve said when she
found she had to leave the garden Of
Eden," said Mr.. Grumpin's wife.
ut was just about what all women
say when they are starting on jour
ney. She complained that she didn't
have thing to wear" Washington
Star.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
PInchcd on the House,

JaclS-l just saw your wife, old man.
She was simply stunning. BY the way,
you're looking rather miserable your
self. What's up?
Tom-Don't get enough nourishmcnt;
that's all. You see, arranged With my
wife month ago to give her certain
amount each week, out of which she
was to pay household expenses and buy
her clothes.-Phlladelph Press.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
The plov

Henry ]. Byron, one of the wittiest
Of English playwrights of score Of
years ago, remarked OH one occasion:
"A play is like cigar. If it's good,
everybody wants a box; if it's bad, all
the pulling in the world won't make it,
20"
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15

The immortal Shakespeare is said to
have worn earrings. and Charles I Is
reputed to have been the owner Of a
magnificent pair of pearl earrings,
which he bequeathed to his daughter
the day before he was executed. = -
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Settled.

Two ladies contended for precedence
in the court Of Charles V. They ap-
pcaled to the monarch, who like Solo
mon, awarded, Let the eldest go first"
Such dispute was never known after
ward,
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15

A letter received this morning
from W M Carlisle says the Car
Isle family expects to reach Chi
cago tonight and will reach home
tomorrow morning. Their trip
through the east has been q
most delightful one, their itinera-
ry including nearly all the princi-
pal cities and points of interest in
the east.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Miss Edyth Thomas, of Council

Miss Edyth Thomas, of Council
Bluffs closed her summer school
of elocution today. Miss Thomas
began her first term here last
January. She taught physical
culture in connection with elocu-
tion and by her earnest, con-
scientious efforts has created con-
siderable interest in this much
neglected branch of education.
Miss Thomas is not only an ex-
cellent director, reader and teach
er of the art, but her refined and
cultured manners cannot but
make q favorable impress upon
those who come in constant con-
tact with her as pupils do. All
her scholars fell in love with her
and indeed some of her scholars
uncles and others, but there's no
hope for any of them for she is to
be married next month according
to the society gossip of a Council
Bluffs exchange.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Quite Wiling tn MIGRATE.

A traveller passing through fever in
fectcd locality said to an Irish resi-
dent:
Pat, Pm surprised that you stay in
place where people die SO thick and
fast"
Faith" rejolned Pat, 'if you'll be
afthcr tellin me av place where pay.
pie nivcr die Oi'll move there tomorry
an end me ys."-Chicngo News.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15
Pawnee Bill's wild West.

Coming Monday, Aug. 26th,
The Wild West. Great crowds
attended the afternoon and even
ing performances yesterday of
Pawnee Bills Grand Wild West
Exhibition. The show is good
throughout, and gives a picture of
life on the plains such as can be
obtained in no other show or way.
Its many features are greatly ap-
plauded, and the show is we'll
worth visit. Philadelphia, Pa,
Daily Ledger.
Many new features have been
added this season, and while the
most interesting of the old ones
have been retained, still the color
effectis more marvellous than ever.
Companies from foreign armies
vie with each other in military
evolutions, and the rough rider
element is stronger than ever.
Fully thousand men and horses
are employed. The Juvenile
Wild West, conceived purposely
for the little folks, with its boys
AMI ponies is a unique feature.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15

DR.. .O'Gormsn is over in Nebraska
along the line of the G. StP& so R'y.
in the interest OF the Hawkeye Hog
Remedy,
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15

A California man has asked the
courts to compel his wife to speak
to him, after a silence of more
than a year. That man evidently
does not know what a snap looks
like. Many a man would give a
fortune for silence like that
Onawa Gazette.
Missouri Valley times., 1901-08-15

Parke, son of Mr. aud Mrs @ W
Kellogg, who have just returned
from a few weeks outing at the
Wisconsin lakes, is now quite sick
from an attack of the measels.