davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
A Dream DisnelIed.

The woman was standing in the door
way, shading her eyes with her hand.
She called across the garden:
.'You, Innocence Williams. Come in,
honey, outen that hot sun. You'll burn
yer little cheeks as brown ez berry.
Come in, Innocence!'
One would have expected to see a
fairy-like creature rise, as from the
heart Of a flower, and drift dreamily
over the violet beds. But instead, n
gaunt, tall figure, with face Drowned
and bonneted, shambled toward the
house, dragging dead rattlesnake by
its rattles.
It was Innocence Williams. "Thar,
mammyl" she explained, tossing the
snake over the palings. That makes
ten I've kilt sence the fust o. June!'-
Atlanta Constitution.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Not Hungry, But

Young Bride-Why, Charlie, you
do not seem to be eating anything
this morning. And I got up early to
make these biscuits for you.
Charles-No, dear; 1 don't feel at
all hungry this morning. to tell the
truth. Your biscuits are very nice
indeed. By the way, I wonder if
there are any of those dog biscuit left
that bought for Nero Friday.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
WEST TRuAx.
Drawing Card.

"My DEAR" said Rev. DR.. Gallery,
shave you had the advertisement of
my Sunday services inserted as usual. !"
Give done better than that,'' re-
piled his clever wife. ''I've sent
word to the society editors that Mr..
and Mrs. J. Blugore De Worse will
very probably be present.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Doesn't Boast of II Now.

Nell-She used to boast THAT she
was one of the charter members of
the Woman's Suffrage Club. She
doesn't appear to be SO proud of it
now.
Belle-Ohl she's just as proud, but
you know, the club was organized Is
years ago, and she must have been at
least 20 when she joined.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
A Suburbanite.

Mr.. Isolate (of Lonelyville, on
evening train, embarrassed)-You
may notice that nearly every suburb
ante is bringing out either a new
cook or waitress with him?
Mr.. Brooklyn Borough (his guest,
or ritically)-You might call this a
Cooks personally conducted excur-
sion."
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
An Enchanting Picture.

Mr.. Harlemfat-That must be an
affectionate passage in that novel you
are reading.
Mrs. Harlemfat-It description
of a woman's boudoir. Think of a
place large enough to have boudoir!
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
home
rirst Of the Yanderhilta.

The first of the vanderbilts In this
country was Jam Aertsen Van der Bit,
a Holland farmer, who came to the new
world in the first half of the seven
teenfh century, and who settled in the
neighborhood Of Brooklyn. about 1850.
AS the name indicates, the family be-
longed originally to either the village
Of Bit, a suburb Of Utrecht, or the par
ish of Bilt. in Frisia.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Pony and Rattlesnakc.

A California farmer, who has three
small children, owns pony which is
their constant companion. They have
ridden him, rolled over him, fed him,
and have come to consider him as one
Of the family. When the children went
on an expedition and did not want to
ride, the pony went along as if he had
been pet dog. A San Francisco news
paper tells the following story of the
pony's presence of mind:
One day the three children went on a
nutting expedition, and while they
gathered the nuts, the pony grazed near
by. Suddenly, almost beneath the feet
Of the nut gatherers, there was an om-
inous whir, and they saw with horror
huge rattlesnake coiled ready to
strike.
The children huddled together, too
much frightened to move, but as the
deadly head went back, there was a
quick trample of hoofs, rush through
the bushes, and the pony appeared.
With his four little sharp hoofs
brought together he shot up into the air
landed squarely on the snakes coil, and
was off again before the wicked head
could strike.
The interruption had released the
frightened children from the charm
and they ran a short distance away
and stopped to witness the contest. The
rattler was wounded, but full of fight
and coiled again, and again the pony
landed on him and got away safely
This time the snakes body was nearly
was conquered. The pony walked round
1t, and, apparently satisfied, gave a
cheerful whinny and returned to his
grazing.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Our Nations Wealth.

Gold and silver are poured abundantly
into the lap of the nation, but our material
wealth and strength is rather in iron, the
most useful of all metals, just as the
wealth of human being lies in a useful
stomach. Ifyou have Overworked yours
until it is disabled, try Hostetter's ,Stom..
ach Bitters. 1t will relieve the clogged
bowels, improve the appetite and cure
constipation, dyspepsia, bilousness, liver
and kidney disease.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
The Reason.

He-It's strange you members of
the Vassar alumni don't hold class
reunions.
She-Not at all. You may as well
ask a woman her age as to ask her
what year she graduated.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
DanserSisns.

Dusty DAM hopes I won't run
aginst ennybuddy in dis town wot'll
make me take bath.
Layaround Lucas-Let's go t'roo
dis alley, den; look at dem guys
sprinklin' wild hose down de street.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Each in It's Place.

Willie-Pa, is there any difference
between violin and fiddle?
Pa-Yes, my son; If you hear it at
concert or an opera it's a violin,
but when your next door neighbor
plays it it, a fiddle.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
handicapped by Science.

ST understand that he has long
been student of political economy, !"
said the visitor.
"He has," said Senator Glucose,
and his economy in politics has kept
him out of office. He thinks he can
be elected without spending a cent. :"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03

Waiting for His Man.

A preacher riding down rav1ne
came upon an old mountaineer hid
ing in the bushes with his rife.
''What are you doing there, my
friend?"
ride on, stranger" was the easy
answer. ''I'm a-waitin' for Bill
johnson, and, with the help of the
Lawd, I'm goin' to blow his damn
head off. !"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
The Bright side.

s.It is said that Holsters will be ex-
tinct in % years" remarked Hiland.
.Oh, WELL" replied Malket, who is
very fond of lobster. .slet us not worry
about it. Let us look on the bright side.
We may all die before that time -
Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
mover
will Be Well Done.
farmers

Cuticus-What are you farmers
preparing to do this year?
Haycede Observation-Disclosures
mer boarders, as usual.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03

Swiggers-That man Killtime is a
shrewd fellow.
Swaggers-Why?
Swiggers-He gave lawn moving
party yesterday and had the guests
cut the grass.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Water Drinkers,

Lady-Bridget, did you give the
gold fish fresh water today?
Bridget-Holy St. Patrick! Have
the cratures drank up the whole
bowl of wather Oh gave thin yester-
day?
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Heredity.

Irate Parent-I begin TO see that
I've got fool for son!
Philosophical Offspring-Ah, my
dear dad, what wonderful thing is
heredity.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Her Handwriting.

Brown-Hullo; what's the matter?
Green-O, I'm in an awful fix. /
proposed to Miss Gray and have just
got her answer.
Brown-And she's refused you?
Green-I don't know. I can't read
her writing.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Frog Showers.

ga Cornell professor says that frog
spawn can be carried up in the at
mosphere and Matched out in the
clouds"
"By gum, you bet I'll carry an um-
brella the next time go out"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Hoods Jdrsapdrilia
The best OF all medicines for all humors.
Multiplied.

Towne-See that man? Well, sir,
he landed in this country with his
bare feet and now he's got millions.
Browne-Gee whiz! He's worse off
than centipede, isn't he?
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03

your list, hop
ing it may in
duce others to
avail the M
selves of t h e
benefit of your
valuable rem
3 d ". Before
taking Lydia
e. Pinkham's
We g e t a bic
Compound 1
felt very bad
sterribly
nervous, a nd
tired, had sick
headaches, no
a D D e t j t e.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Give Up.

ADO you know of anything to do
for seasickness?
B-Give up.
'sThat's just what l did when /
was seasick.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
A Generous Admission.

you're little late, my love-"
IA little late. But IN all right. :"
eyes my dear. Let me hear you
pronounce the name @f the Whitney
horse that won the Derby"
''Eh! The Whitney horse? Well,
I guess that's horse on me"
''Never mind my dear. I can't
pronounce it myself. -
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
HaIf NamadIohn.

There are 14,oO0,OO Smiths in the
world, according to statistician.
About half of them are of the feminine.
persuasion, and most of the other half
are named John.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03

"What do you think of that whis-
ky?" asked the host.
"Well," said the guest, smacking
his lips as he sat down his glass, sit
reminds me of good story"
"Let's have it. !"
"Oh, you misunderstood me.
merley wish to imply that it's worth
repeating"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
The Shirt Waist.

The women claim their feelings hurt
They're kicking up fuss,
Because we men adopt the shirt
That first they stole from us.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
DestructiYeness.

Phrenologist-Your bump of de-
structiveness is very large. Are you
a soldier or a pugilist.
Subject-Neither. I'm furniture
mover.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
HOW's THIsG

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any
case of Catarrh that can not be cured by Halls
Catcrrh Cure.
F. J. CHENEY & CO., Props, Toledo, O.
We the undersigned, have known F. J. Cheney
for the past 1e years, and believe him perfectly
hont -abl in all busin IS transactions and fin
apcial able to carry out any obligations mada
by their firm.
WEST & TRUAx,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, =.
WALDING, KINNAN & MARVIN,
wholesale Druggists, Toledo q.
Halls Catarrh Cure is tcken mt ,rnally, acting
Girectly on the blood and Mucous surfaces Of
the system. Pri e 75c per bottle. Sod by al
drug lists. Testimonials fee.
Halls Family Pill, T. tn best
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Clear the Track.

"John Bull is trying to down our
locomotives.
"They'll run him down fast enough
if he gets in the way
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03

The Best Prescription for Malaria
Jhills and Fever is bottle of Groves Tasteless
Chill Tonic. It is simply iron and quinine in
tasteless form. No Cure, No Pay. Price SOC.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03

ElF0 Permanently Cured. No fits or nervousness
GII0 after first days use of Dr. Kne's Great Nerve
Restorer Send for FREE s. 90 trial bottle and treat
ise. Dr. R. KLINE Ltd y3l Arch St.. Philadelpha. Pa
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
YOU KNOW

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TAKING
When YOU take Groves Tasteless Chill, Tonic,
because the formula is plainly printed on every
bottle showing that it Is simply Iron and Quf.
nine in tasteless form. No Cure. Ne Pay. Soc.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03

lible medicine for coughs and colds.-N
w. SAMUEL. Ocean Grove, N. j., Feb. II,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
To CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY
A Shrewd Fellow.

Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. AL
druggists refund the money if it fails to cure
e. w. Groves signature is on each box. Csc.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
The Poor City Boy.
Oh, the city boy is bundled

Oh, the city boy is bundled
In his heavy overeoat,
With his costly leather ieggings,
With silk thing round his throat,
And he slides upon-the sidewalk
Where the ashes nave been spread,
And imagines he is happy
On
his
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Stops fire Cough and
WorIEs OFF fys9 SoEe5-
Encore.

Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablets cure cold II
Dne day. No cure, No Pay. Price 25 cents
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Easier Job.

Mrs Cobwigger- Poor thing, she
tried to reform her husband and
failed.
Mrs. Dorcas-What is she TRYING
to do now?
Mrs. Cobwiggre = To reform the
world.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
g MA,,~

This signature is on every box Of the genuine
Laxative Bromo=Q =Quinine Tablets
the remedy that cures cold I'm One day
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03

Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Sooth-
ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their
children during the teething period.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
Slow Healing
witt, rich, pure. strong blood

Slow Healing 6: =; :: q; : e! 81 !! =: :;
~ supplying fthe healing
&ApA( ss. @ ii hi @ tainted q ay .ss. asS s s a x @ @
SO efte matter slight scratch abrasion the
fostering be bols,
healing
inflammation
Sores and ulcers
induced
me sno SPACE
wondely already
j. STAA-sEhT.
0oA S-o. "nona, @ss.
anda sinnp
greatly s. s. s. the only purely blood
rdding
painful
physicians don't risk Judgment
medical experienced doctors Book Blood
and Skin Diseases to all who desire it.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
made
Eleu :

Oh, pity the poor city
Boy who never gets beyono
The narrow, ashy sidewalk
Or some hampered little pond,
All, the hill was high and sloping,
And the way was clear ahead
Where country boy went coasting
On
made
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03

swollen joints and inAamed
sores. A polluted blood is al
skin In a chronic state Of il
suffers from an impure and 81
and never can be well until t
ties. With the blood so c.
sores of every kind are art
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03
JcrofuLn

Few are entirely free from it.
1t may develop SO slowly as to cause
little If any disturbance during the whole
period OF childhood.
1t may then produce irregularity Of the
stomach and bowels, dyspepsia, catarrh,
and marked tendency to consumption
before manifesting itself In much cutaneous
eruption or glandular swelling.
1t is best to be sure that you are quite
free from it, and for its complete eradica-
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-03

one is never troubled with sores
or ulcers. A cut or any injury to
the flesh heals in a few days,
The times., 1901-05-23
The Observation-Disclosures

Alabama" the well-known comedy
drama by Augustus Thomas, author Of
Arizona" and In AIzzoura," will be re-
vived next week by the Lafayette Square
Stock Company.> The play has been seen
numerous times in the past dozen years.
but has never failed to draw large au-
diences. 1t is considered one of Mr.
Thomas best efforts. and though his later
offerings have attained great success, few
have quite reached the standard Of Ala
bama
The play is picture of the South after
the war Old scars are healed in the
course Of the drama. and Northern lovers
come woOing daughters of the Confed-
eracy. There are many admirable types
of the South which Washingtouians know
and can appreciate. The gallant Colonel
Moberly, the relic Of the Confederacy: the
stalwart Colonel Preston, the genial
Squire Tucker the Widow Page, and
many other pleasing characters true to
life are well drawn persohages
In the leading heroic role Edwin Arden
viii have another opportunity to impress
Washington audiences with his work, and
il is expected he viii duplicate the hit he
has scored this week in Captain Swift
Mr Arden's engagement as leading man
of the Lafayette company is considered
by the mana cement a most fortunate Sc
held proves that he is already one
of the most popular leading men ever seen
with local stock company. Minnie Rad
cliIe and the other players of the I.afay-
ette company will appear in the produC-
ton.
The times., 1901-05-23
GENERAL coRBIN's TRIP.
He VIII Sail June % on His Philip
nine Tour of InNnecfiOn.

Adjutant General Corbiu yesterday an
nounced that he will leave shortly on his
trip to the Philippines, for the purpose of
making a tour of inspection of the ISL
ands. He viii leave San Francisco foi
Manila on the transport Hancock on June
25, and will arrive in Manila about Au-
gust /.
General Corbin will visit the principal
garrisous Of the archipelago and make a
thorough inspection of the troops He will
probably be accompanied by General
Chaffee, whose formal inspection of the
garrisons has already been determined
upon.
General Corbin hopes to spend about a
month in the Philippines, leaving there
about September l, to return to Wash
ington in time to prepare his annual re-
port. This report viii contain much Of
interest in regard to his inspection, the
principal object of which IS TO secure CO.
operation in an economical administration
of the military forces there. He Will also
secure much valuable information for the
Secretary of War as to the permanent
military force needed, its magnitude and
composition. the number OF cavalry
troops. and the amount of artillery. IhlS
information, together with General Chat
fees reports, will greatly assist the Sec
retary of War In making recommends
tions to Congress in his next annual re-
The times., 1901-05-23
Sewing Machines.

If you pay Us a little price for
a Sewing Machine you take no
chances. We stand back of every
machine we sell, and the guaran-
tee is good. We sell the
Enterprise" at $3.50.
\ high-arm machine that is guar
anteed for a term of years.
And the "W. & L." for $500,
with a fiye-year guarantee. Safely
cheap, no essential goodness of the
running part slighted; the main
difference between these machines
and the high-prieed sorts are in
the woodwork or nickeling or ex-
ira polishing; the good wear is as
sured.
Second floor.
The times., 1901-05-23
PROMOTIONS FOR ARMY MEN.
a score of First Lieutcnnnts VIII
Soon Wear Captains BARS.

The War Department yesterday issued
orders for the convening of two boards
to examine for promotion certain officers
ordered before them. nearly all of the Ar
tillery Corps. The orders are as follows:
BY direction OF the Secretary of War
the following-named officers will report In
person to Major John M Banist ,r. Sur
geon, L. 5. Army president Of he board
appointed to meet at the L. s Military
Academy, West Point, New York. at such
time as may be required By the board for
examination as to their fitness for pro-
motion:
First Lieuts William Chamberlaine Ar
tillery Corps; Aston Hamilton. Joseph
l.. Knowlton. Robert r Callan, William
S. Guignard. Clarence H Mcneil. James
W, Hlnkley, jr., Edwin O. Sarratt Ber-
tram G. Gilbert, John +. Stephens of the
Artillery Corps, and First Lieut.. Frederick
w. Lewis, Eighth L. $. Infantry.
Lieutenant Lewis VIII proceed TO West
Point for tho purpose indicated. and upon
the completion of his examination will re-
turn to his present temporary station
By direction Of the Secretary Of War
the following named officers will report
in person To Lieut.. Col. John L. Tiernou
Artillery Corps, president OF the examin-
ing board convened at Governors Island
y. y at such time as they may be re-
quired by the board for examination as
TO their fitness for promotion, and
upon the completion thereof win return
to their proper stations or to the places
Of receipt by them of this order: First
Iieuts Conway II. Arnold, jr. Joseph
Wheeler, jr Brooke Payne, James F.
Brady, Samuel c. Vestal, Richard H. Nc
Master. and George A. Nugent, and See
ond Lieuts Charles r. Hamilton, Fred
erick l.. Buck, Leroy 7. Hillman, and
Clifford G Carson. all of the Artillery
CorIS
The times., 1901-05-23
ANNUAL MEMORIAL TRIBUTE.
Burnside Post, G. A. r., Commemo- D.
rates DeDurtcd Comrades

Burnside Post, No. s. Department of the
Potomac, G. 4. r., last night paid it's an
nual memorial tribute to the memory Of
the comrades who have died since the
last memorial meeting and in memory of
those who have passed away since the
post was organized.
The services were feld at the post hall.
1n2 Pennsylvania Avenue, and were
largely attended by members of the post
and their families and friends.
T w. Tallmadge. the post chaplain, con-
Quoted a responsive service The Rev J.
\. Couden read the Nineteenth Psalm and
delivered a brief prayer. A number of ad-
dresses were delivered by comrades and
some musical selections were rendered by
the Burnside Octette.
The programme was as follows:
Assembly Glenn c. Dorsey
Post Memorial Service
Music. Burnside OctPftn
Address in memory OF SiIs W Hastings
Comrlde George G.. Ross
Address in memory Of Comrade Joseph
Jouy. .......... .COmrade Melbourne VI. Lewis
Music. Burnside Octette
Address in memory of Comrade Ephraim b.
Pannebaker Comrade George F. Davis
Address in memory Of ComTade Joseph G.
Taylor COmrade Nathan Bckford
Music. c.........-..........-.... Miss Emma HOuchen
Address in memory Of Comrade Thomas T.
Stewart. -.----....... ComTade John Tweedlle
Address IN memory OF Comrade William N.
Gibson. .................C COmrade John b Sage
MUSIC huitlhlQe OGietle
Address in memory OF Comrade Alfred W
Gannett. t........ .Comrade Arthur |. Hendricks
Address IN memory OF Comrade John r.
Ninal. l.....-...........- -Comrade w. g. Odell
Music. ...... Misses Emma and Dorothy Houchen
Address in memory of Comrade William T.
Hord. d................ Comrade Felix A. Reeve
Address in memory Of Comrnde Alexander
Ashley ............ .Comrade John p. Church
Music. Burnside Octette
Address in memory of Comrade Irving c.
Rose. ................. .Comrade F. S. Long
Taps.
The comrades who were mustered out
during the year and in memory of whom
the services were held were SiIas w Has
tipgs. Joseph Jouy. Ephraim 3. Panue-
baker, Joseph c. Taylor, Thomas T.
Stewart, William NJ Gibson, John F. vi
nal. Alfred w. Gannett, William 4.
HOrd, Alexander Ashley, Irving C. Rosse.