The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-02-22
GOOD
Short Stories

Speaking Of the difficulty students ex-
perience In remembering the exact sit
uation OF the mitral and trlcuspd
valves of the heart. Professor HUXLEY
once remarked that be remembered
that the mltral (so-called from its re-
semblance to the headgear of the
church dlgnltary) must be on the left
side, because bishop could never be
in the right"
In one Of his earliest cases, Daniel
o'Connell, the famous Irish llberator,
made retort which attracted consid-
erable attention to him. He was cross
examining an awkward witness. who
declared that he had drunk nothing but
his share Of pint of whisky. "On
your oath, now" thundered the young
counsel, "was not your share all but
the pewter"
According to the testimony Of an
American correspondent In Porto Rico,
we still woefully lack popularity among
the natives there. This Is his descrlp-
ton of the manner In which a suit, to
which an American is party Is con-
Quoted In one of the lnsular courts
there: Court-You are plaintiff in this
case? Lltlgaat-Yes, your honor Court
-You are an American, presumei
Lltlgant--Yes, your honor. Court
You lose
"Macaulay improves, Macaulay inn
proves! Sydney Smith remarked one
day; Il have observed in him of late
flashes of-sllence. The "sonorous vi.
vacity" of this enormous talker nettled
Smith, who found II impossible often
TO voice his own wit and wisdom. II
wish | could write poetry like you," he
complained to friend; II would write
an Inferno, and would put Macaulay
among number of dlsputants and gag
him" Another contemporary de-
scrbed Macaulay as stopping all over
on every subject and standing In the
slops."
Among the clever epigrams which oc-
cur in Mrs. Cralgie's new society
drama, "The Wisdom Of the WISE" are:
Mrs. Bistern has made so many ex-
periments that she has had no time to
gain experience" What man has
done bores everybody, but what he is
going to do is always delightful" 81
hate man who can only love those
whom he esteems. He always runs
away with his friends wife" "It is
easy enough to be faithful to some one
you love, but to be faithful to some one
you don't love-that, In my opinion, is
true virtue Where is Sarah now?
In bed with Ice on her temples! She
may be a woman for a crisis, but we
have to know 1t for weeks afterward."
In his "Eccenutricities of Genius"
Major Pond tells the pathetic story of
Ralph Waldo Emerson's last lecture,
delivered in the Old South Church in
Boston for the fund to save that build
ing from demolition: "As he began
reading his lecture the audience was
very attentive After a few moments
he lost his place, and his granddaugh-
ter, sitting in the front row Of seats,
gently stepped toward him and remind
ed him that he was lecturing. He saw
at once that he was wandering, and,
with the most charming, characteristic,
apologetic bow, he resumed his place
an incident that seemed to affect the
audience more than anything else that
could possibly have occurred. A few
moments later he took piece Of manu-
script in his hand and, turning around
with it, laid 1t on a side table. Just then
one of the audience said to me Il think
1t was Mrs. Liyermore or Mr.. Howe),
Please have the audience pass right
out, and rushing up to Mr. Emerson,
said, Thank you so much for that de-
lightful lecture; then, turning around,
waved the audience to go out. He
probably had been speaking about fif-
teen minutes. The audience passed
out, many of them in tears. 1t was one
of the most pathetic sights ever wit
messed"