Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1901-04-12

said the altruran to the humorous lee
turer. Eyes. indeed" replied the other.
"Pd have to quit If didn't, you know"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
$50 your son has returned from col
lege has heT' Eyes" "Dd he get his
degree?" "yes: he got about fifteen
degrees below the graduating require
ment." Richmond Dispatch.
She-Indeed, it's not an easy thing
for girl to get husband. He-Why,
pretty girl can make her choice of
four out of every five men she meets.
She-But it's the fifth man she wants.
"What do you call these?" he asked
at the breakfast table. "Flannel
cakes" replied the wife Of his bosom.
"Flannel? They made mistake and
sold you corduroy this time."-Balti-
more American.
Over Nothing: "This wireless teleg-
raphy reminds me of grOundless
quarrel" 'What possible connection
is there between the two" ITS prac-
t1cally having words over nothing
Philadelphia Times.
Mrs. Why don't you &C
to work? Weary Walker Well, lady,
yer see I'm wat yer might call an ''un-
happy medium" Mrs. Housekeep-In-
deed? And what do you mean by that?
Weary Walker-Why, Pm too heavy
fur light work and too light fur heavy
rk.-Philadelphia Press.
Elderly saw you with the charm
ing Miss Hedstrong to-day. know
her parents very well. Youngman-Do
for me with them. Elderly-You mean
"good" word, of course Youngman
No, don't. If only get her parents
to oppose me I'll land the girl sure.
Philadelphia Press.
81 never undertake an important
business venture in the afternoon; his
tory has established superstition that
makes 1t seem unfortunate to do So"
''TO what historical event do you at
tribute such theory as that?' "Why,
the fall Of Adam. That happened at
the approach of Eve, you know
Richmond Dispatch.
Tailed One: "Euphemia," said young
Spoonamore, Twill you marry me?" 81
will not!' replied the young woman, in
dlgnantly. "Miss Lickladder," he re-
joined. making an entry in small
memorandum book and replacing 1t in
his pocket. you have the honor Of be-
ing the first girl who has refused me
since the new century began"
cago Tribune.
Harry-Uncle George, at the end Of
this marriage notice of Cousin Toms
1t says: "No cards" What does that
mean? Uncle George-lt doesn't mean
anything, Harry. That is to say. 1t Is
only blind. 1t is n promise that Tom
will give up cards; but, bless you, he
won't be q month married before he'll
be back to the poker table agaln.-Bos-
ton Transcript
Johnny-Pa. doesn't man sometimes
speak so rapidly that the stenographer
can't follow him, and say so many
wonderful things that they are lost In
admiration Of his ,eloquence? Pa-Yes;
l have heard that something Of the
kind does happen now and then; but
why do you ask, Johnny? Johnny-I
notice that when you make speech
the papers always say, "Mr. Breeze
also spoke."-Boston Transcript.
The Real Trouble: Mrs. de Style
docking from her paper)-The idea! l
told that reporter not to mention my
name In connection with the Glugore's
reception, and yet he's done II. I'll
Just go down to that newspaper office
tomorrow and see about this. Mr.. de
Style-Oh! wouldn't pay any atten.
tlon to It. my dear. Mrs. de Style-I
wouldn't, but they've got my name
spelled wrong.-Phlladelphia Press.
What Hurt Worst: II don't mind
beln' accused of kldnapin', y'r honor"
the prisoner said, the hue Of shame and
modification mantllng his grlmy
cheek; "what grinds ME Is that any
body sh'd accuse me OF stealin' this
boy. wen know is dad couldn't pay
two bits to have I'm brought back, an
wouldn't II he could. hate to have
folks think I'm durn fool" And he
looked Hercely around the court room.
as II he would like to fight the whole
crowd.-Chicago Tribune.