The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1901-05-17
SOPORIFIC AMERICA.
VERDICT OF A SARCASTIC LoNDoNER
ON LIFE IN THE STATES.

VERDICT OF A SARCASTIC LONDONER
ON LIFE IN THE STATES.
The Painful Part of II Is Fhat He
Bases His CaIumnious Conclusions
on His Experiences In the Hustling
City of Chicago.
America has suffered many things at
the pens Of impressionist reporters, who
| have depicted the national life as they
have observed 1t in Pullman car smoking
rooms and in hotel elevators. One Of their
most damaging libels is their accusation
that this is country of abnormal rush
and speed, wherein a man must be always
hurried and strained if he would keep up
with the average pace. The Cousin Jon.
athan Of the conventional English imagi
nation is compound of electric wires and
india rubber. | wish to offer my humble
protest against such a caricature, writes
Sir Lionel Crowninshield. am not a tran.
STORY special correspondent, but have
spent several months in one place, and
therefore testify that the great charm of
American life is its restfulness.
No, / am not living in Philadelphia.
With the exception Of few days, / have
spent all my time in Chicago and its sub.
urbs, and it Is mainly on my experiences
of that $50 called hustling city that
base my verdict.
For instance, when was In London
frequently occupied part Of my lunch
hour by strolling down Ludgate hill and
along Fleet street. Even rain was not a
great deterrent, for the level paving of
the side paths prevented the accumulation
Of puddles and made pedestrianism still
possible and agreeable. Yet who would
willingly walk in Chicago? But for the
disillusion of the cable cars / should never
visit her streets without being carried In
Imagination to the account given by his
torians of the London of the eighteenth
century. It does not take long for the
newcomer TO learn that this Is a city In
which 1t Is always unwholesome and
sometimes fatal to take exercise. When
to the roughness of the pavement and the
filth Of the roadway is added the risk of
slaughter at the crossings, 1t is clearly
prudent to take no excursions. In spite
Of the superficial evidences Of hustle the
net result of the American system is to
promote sedentary and housekeeping hab-
its.
had an interesting Illustration of this
tendency of American life. had been in
vited to dinner with a friend in an adj
joining suburb. but when the evening
came I was unable to get to him. There
had been a storm in the morning. a high
wind. and so many of the poles were down
that the trolley cars were not running.
AS a result of this gale we were cut off
from our neighbors for ut least two days.
II similar storm had visited London,
there would probably have been some de-
lay In the traffic while ii was raging, but
as 1t would not have blown the horses to
pieces within an hour or two the buses
and trans, to say nothing of the hansoms,
would have been as active as though
nothing had happened. From this simple
incident 1t can be seen how the system of
suburban communication adopted In this
country make it difficult to go gadding
about.
Again. there is scarcely anything more
disconcerting to unsteady nerves than the
unexpected visitations Of the telegraph
boy. At home one was always getting
shocks of this kind. The cost of a mes
sage within the United Kingdom is only
IL cents. SO the yellow envelope often dis
turbs ones peace when the news 1t brings
Is comparatively unimportant. 1t is not
right that quiet living persons should be
needlessly aroused, and l am therefore
glad to discover that In this country no
encouragement Is given to the use of the
telegraph except on affairs Of serious mo-
ment.
Still more beatiic Is my emancipation
from the persistent irritation of the post
mans knock. When think of my daily
experiences in London. s. E., the calm
Of my present situation seems almost sab
batic. Here the latest collection at the
box outside my house is at $3.50 D. mat
the chief Office of the suburb 1t is at $40
and the latest of the three deliveries is
at 4:3O p. M. II IN scarcely necessary to
emphasize the soporific tendency Of this
programme. In our suburb at home we
had one delivery and two collections after
the hour at which most of my ncighbors
here go to bed. 1t often happened that
the $50 p. m. delivery brought me q
proof which had been posted in the city
at about o'clock. l could revise 1t and
slip It into the pillar box at the corner of
the street In time for the 1880 collection,
In which case It would be again in the
printers hands before breakfast the next
morning. l know well enough that, &C.
cording to the maxims Of Poor Richard,
1t was foolish for me to give my brain
anything to do at such an hour, but the
temptation was irresistible. Fortunately
l am now deprived Of the very means to
do such i'll deeds
/ must confess that, accustomed as I
was to the prompt service Of London
shops and restaurants, was at first sore
ly tried by the long waiting required Of
the Customer in this country. AS the
new sense of rppOse begins to steal over
me | am getting to realize that this pa
thence Is all for my good. At first I
especially resented the deliberations of
the American barber. / could not see
why the operation of having ones hair
cut should demand the sacrifice of a
whole afternoon. This, too, Is part Of
the necessary discipline Of my unchasten-
ed spirit. l resented, too, what seemed
to me the exorbitance Of the BARRIERS
charges until 1t flashed upon me that he
was perhaps being paid by time rather
than by the piece. In that case his
tariff, though double that of the Eng
lish professional, is moderate indeed.
At public meetings Of all kinds what
a delightful sense of there being plenty
Of time to spare one gets from the elab-
crate formalities of the procedure. As I
get to the bottom of a column on the
front page Of daily paper ! find the in
struction CONTINUED on the fourth col
like the easy going make up of the little
Peddlington Gazette. 1t Is all of piece.
Wherever one turns there is the same
pacific Garden Of Eden air over all.
When next hear of any English friend
Of mine who has broken down through
overstrain and has In vain sought res
toration in some sanitarium amid the
lonely hills, shall strongly recommend
him to try Chicago.-Boston Transcript.
A Chinese joke.
A rich man. living between the FORCES
Of two blacksmiths, was continually an.
noyed by the noise of their hammers and
was in despair at not being able to rest
either by day or by night. At first he
tried to induce them to hammer more
quietly; then he made them all kinds Of
promises IL they would only change their
abodes The two blacksmiths at last fell
In with his proposals. and he, transported
with joy at the prospect Of their depar
ture, entertained them regardless Of ex.
pense, at a farewell banquet. At the end
of the feast he asked them where they
intended to set up their smithies. SWELL"
said one of them. che who lived on your
left will go to the smithy on your right,
and he who lived on your right will 60 to