The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1901-10-29
4 SMART Raj.

/ lau the FUNNIEST lillnS III me SildAfe u q
rat that you ever heard on in your born
life
ole Miss Snyder was the eldest darter
/ Of ole Squire Snyder. what used TO keep
: tavern at AiIlville. over on the pike.
1 don't know jest how ole Miss Snyder
was as it hain't considered nice in per
/ lite sassiety TO ask a lady how old she
/ be, but 1 reckon that ole Miss Snyder
was 80 er 40 er 80, an then some.
''Ole Miss Snyder like every other ole
maid that ever see, was masterful fond
I Of cats She used to hev more cats than
/ some people hev hay. Gray cats and
/ black cats, and fat cats and lean cats.
an ev'ry other kind @ cat that was heerd
/ on. Yes, sir, she did like cats. Why,
/ man alive. she would walk ten miles 10
] get a new kind of cat, and she kept
/ enough of the beasts around the place 10
! eat Their ole squire out O. house an home.
! There was lots er rats an mice aroun
/ the tavern an in the mill that the squire
owned, and he used TO want their numer-
Gus cats what his darter kept 10 earn
| their board an keep a-huntin' the var
minis, bur ole Miss Snyder's cats were
! all so sleek an lazy thet they wouldn't
work any more'n a tramp.
Some of the cats were good mousers
an did the best they could. but there
/ was so many varmints aroun the tav-
ern an the mill tibet all the rats an
mice thet was killed by the cats didn't
make no effect on the teetotal number.
/ Besides the rats tibet used to habitare
around AIillville wus about the biggest,
meanest varmints you ever seen. Wy,
\ there wuz a peculiar breed er rats there
/ tibet WIZ as big as a terrier dog. Fact.
Fact is, tn squire tried getting dogs.
/ but it warn't no use. Them rats had
some sort er secret sassiety like Their
Freemasons er something. and they'd
/ jest appoint a wrecking committee Of
! brothers like strikers do, and they would
! lay for them dogs and everlastingly eat
! them up, ears an all. They WI slyer
than all git-out, too, an you never could
coax EN- into a trap. o, they wuz
tough gang er rodents, now I'm here to
tell YOU
well, the rats kept a gettin' worse
an worse. The ole squire talked about
movin' away, an he tole his darter she'd
| better kill all her cats before the rats
did it for them. The squire said about all
| the cats were good for was TO furnish
fresh meats fer the rats.
"Ole Miss Snyder was terribly humin-
ated at the disrespect the rats had fer
her cats, an she used to sit arOun' an
try to think up some scheme to get some
thin tibet could lick them rats. ole
MISS Snyder figured tibet nothin' cud lick
one O. them rats 'cept it wuz fully ez big
as strong as the rats themselves, an
hidin' places. Then It he'd to have the
enmity Of tn rat family in its bosom,
like er cat hez, an be ready to fight
rat on suspicion, jest because Of its in
stinks, like a cat does.
Now, ole Miss Snyder, she figured out
thet nothin' cud be as big an strong
an ez able to follow a rat inter their Sc
cret meetin' places except rat itself.
and nothin wud hev the everlastin' an
unfalterin' enmity of tn rat tribe Ike
a cat wud. So Miss Snyder she decided
tibet she would have TO fine some ami
mule thet wuz both a cat an a rat
Which same warn't easy.
"She concluded thet the only thing to
do wuz TO git a baby rat Of the breed
what wuz maxim so much trouble an
to hav it raised in a respectable cat
family an to hev tn ole mother cat i'm
press into tibet young an impresshtona-
BILE rat mind the cat idea of eternal en-
nifty to rats.
80 she set to work an tried dozen
times but the ole cat tibet she trusted
to nuss the baby rat allus eat it fer
breakfast jes' as soon as she eud git a
hole of it. But finally ole Miss Snyder
she got a muzzle made fer a cat and she
put it on a mother cat what he'd lot
of kittens. Then she jes' put little rag
bundles on tn ole cats feet, so that
sch cudn't claw up Their baby rat, an
in with Their little kittens, an made tn
ole cat raise it alongside o. her other
chiTern.
Wei, sir, thet little rat he jest grew
an grew. ole Miss Snyder she sent all
the other ole cats away so as they
wouldn't forget themselves an eat up
tn little rat. TIL ole mother cat got
used ter the little rat after awhile an
treated it jest like she did her luther chill
durn. an so ole Miss Snyder took the
mother cats muzzle Off an she ulster
clean tn little rat up an nose him
arOuu' Jest fer all tn world like he was
a kitten. An the little rat he played
aroun' with the kittens ez cute as cud
be- An after he got weaned he wud
scamper up when ole Miss Snyder wud
call Kitty, kitty, kitty an wud drink
milk out Nv a saucer jest like he wuz
sure enough cat.
''Well. he did grow amazin', an though
the ole lady cat used ter look at him
kinder suspicious once in a while, she
never made any attempt TO harm him. an
purity soon the rat he got so big tibet his
stepmother, er his adopted mother, er
whatever you wud call tn ole cat,
couldn't hev done nothin 10 him ef she
he'd tried. Well, when all the kittens
wuz big enough and the rat wuz bigger
n any OF EN-, tn ole mother cat took
EN- out 20 give EN- their preliminary
lesson on the art OF a-catchin rats an
mice
THE ole cat an the kittens. which
were all good-sized cats themselves. by
thet time went down into the stOTeroOm
Of the tavern where the rats WIZ mon
strous bad TIL rats were havin' q fine
time tibet afternoon eatin a lot Of bread
an stuff tibet the ole squire he'd tried to
hide away from EN- When the ole
lady scat an her family came 5umpin
in the rats were sorter mad 81 bein'
disturbed at their dinner. an they jest
lit into ole AIiSsus Cat and the little
catses an they wuz everlastinly maulin
the life out n tn whole family when sud-
denly there WIZ a connection.
''Th' rat which tn ole cat he'd raised
he'd been loafn' aroun the door and
didn't cit in at the beginnin' OF tn mix
UP. But all Of q sudden ne heard his
mother d howlin' and all O. his brothers /
an sisters as he supposed. a yowlin' an /
a yellin' bloody murder in the cat lang
Widge which this yer rat talked lest rs
fiuenty as you an me do United States. 4
An then all the lessons he he'd received +
from his step ma they f0me 70 him an
he saw q lot o. the varuants tibet he had +.
been instructed ter Kill on suspicion. /
Well. sir. the first thing them rats knew .
here Wuz another rat Jest a-g0il Ter +
EN- hammer an tougs- BE bit an he
clawed an he fought. Two big rats wiki 4
whiskers ike Kruger her on an teeth Ike 4
a bear trap he'd The ole lady cat down
an were jest about ter finish her when 4
IN ole lzdys adopted sot Jumped in an (
be knocked them two rats galley west
The rats were so cumfoulded thet +
they guv up tryin' any more. an they 4
sc1mpered away as fast as they cud - 1
Their holes. but 10 an behold. this strange &
vsrmlut thet looked Ike themselves an 4
thet acted ike a cat follcrec EN- right +
r. an run EN- down one by one a. jest !