Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1901-01-02

Foote Light sec a fellow has writ
ten play and called 1t Vaccination. !"
Sue Brette bet it won't take
Yonkers Statesman
His Recommendation She-"Would
you recommend any particular method
OF learning golf?" Decidedly!
Co-education. Boston Gazette.
Nellie-."CharIie says grow more
beautiful every time he sees me-"
Maude-.If that's the case you ought
to have him call twice a day."-The
King.
Say, Burroughs, how about that
'fver' you've owed me for the last two
years?' "oh, come, old man, why can't
you let bygones be bygones. - Philadel-
phia ress.
Madge-I think I'll get measured for
rainy day skirt. Marjorie you
think, my dear, you would better get
measured to see if you'd look all right
in one&Puek.
Her Method: Mistress Bridget, |
hope you don't light the fire with kero-
sene" Cook-"Divil a bit. mum! Oi
vets it down wild werosene an loights
it wild a match. Judge.
Ethel Count Grafterino. who is en-
gagged to Maud Gottrox, seems to be
very fragile looking man. Thomas
Yes. they say the slightest touch"
would break him.-Boston Herald
Claude Claire, I'm much interested
in the strides science is taking toward
the manufacture of diamonds. Claire
You are just wasting your time, Claude.
What would look like in homemade
diamonds 2 Life.
Rivals: Little Hortense proudly)-
My aunt, over in England, has ar
mortal bearings" Little Robert Huh!
| don't care. My uncle, down In In
diana, has Il chicken with three legsr'
Chicago Times Herald.
AT a fashionable bali lady said to
her partner: do you know that ugly
gentleman sitting opposite to Gs?'
That is my brother, madame" 'Ah,
! beg your pardon; had not 1oticed
the resemblance. lie Gaulois.
Father-"l think I've scared Bobby
out of smoking cigarettes" Mother
What did you say?' Father-"I told
him no boy years old who used tobac-
co would ever grow big enough to be
policeman. indianapolis Journal.
Customer-"They say young Woody
is married at last?" Tailor-"Yes, he's
been married some time; l helped make
the match" Oustomer-"That's inter-
esting; how did you manage it?'
Tailor-"I pressed his suit for him"
Elk.
Rev. Mr.. Saintly-''I was very sorry
that couldn't fill my pulpit last Sun
day, but l hope you liked my substi-
tute?" Mrs. Witherby-"Oh, yes; he
was fine; and told my husband that
he little knew what he had missed
Life.
Every man." quoted the thoughtful
one, lis the architect of his own for
tunes" YES" returned the observant
one, land the character Of the struc-
lures put up shows that few have taken
l lLG AECCScttlg GOu1 sc al dlCAtlcCluie.
Chicago Post.
"Evalina, If we are going to elope
don't you think we would be ter be off
before your father awakens and fol-
lows u.s." "Oh, no. Algernon, there's
no great hurry. Pa said he'd be sure
to give us good two hours start
Philadelphia Evening Bulletin
Hes talking of going over to Lon
don to live. He's become quite an An
glo-maniac." Goodness. How did
that hsppen?" "Oh, he discovered re-
Gently that he could wear monocle
without twisting his features into a
hard knot Philadelphia Press.
Her father-"And what are your
prospects?" Her lover with dignity
II don't know. sir. l am not so mer-
cenary as to inquire" Her father
What do you mean by thatT" Her
loyer-'I mean that it never occurred
to me TO look you up in Bradstreet's. +"
Philadelphia North American.
Too much: Gusher-My wife has
promised TO wait for me at the gate of
heaven, if she is the first to go. Flash
er-Tut, tut You shouldn't be so re-
vengeful as to make her wait through
eternity. simply because she made you
wait while she fixed up sometimes
Life.
Robbins-"There's a good deal to be
said in favor of early marriage. Upon
the whole, ! believe it is a good thing
! for man to marry before he is five and
twenty" Dobbins-'H m. notice that
when man marries at that age he
never marries so young again. "-Bos-
ton Transcript.
one of the ancient and honorable:
Carrie-I suppose all the girls will
wonder why | accepted him. But if
they only knew what hero he has
been, He has courted death in hun
dred shapes. Edith-What tiirt! But,
then. 1 suppose that does make him in
teresting.- Boston Transcript
The Minister hope this rumor that
| hear going about, that you are con-
templating getting married for the
fourth time. is not true, William? Will
iam-Weel. don't see that you've any
| cause tae objec': We aye get the job o
marian aa' berrian o. them: an i S
| no every man in parish pits as muckle
business in yer way. -Moonshlne.
From long experience: What are you
| sealing up in that envelope SO carefully,
Jones'" Important instructions that