Evening star., 1901-07-13
HOT WEATHER THEORIES

"Now that that hot spell has passed.
said q cool looking individual the other
night in a hotel lobby in the company of
number of men more or less frayed by the
heat, '.Pd like to let myself loose and ex-
press a few thoughts. l make it a rule to
keep my temper when the thermometer gets
ambitious and so try to avoid that most
exasperaHng of all these, the weather, es-
pecially when it reaches its apex of tempta-
ton. But, unfortunately for my peace of
mind all other men do not follow this same
rule. 1 won't say that a majority Of them
fly in the face of common sense and con-
fine their conversational atteption to the
very topic they ought to avoid, but it as
suredy seems that when the siZzard strikes
us most of bid goodbye to our sanity
and deliberately invite discomfort. That is
why l am mad afterward to think that
have had to stand silently by and have
lot of fools pour their sizzling Stiffness into
my uncomplaining ears
Now, here is the man who wants to ad-
wise you as to what to drink. He thinks
there is nothing good as iced water. lie
gets into violent argument with the chap
who stands by beer and the two of them
turn savagely on a third who advocates
lemonade. If a fourth should chance to
suggest uncooled hydrant water they will
hguratively tear him into shreds and then
is the poor mortal who has no preferences
and believes that thirst is matter of
temperament and that quenching it is
case calling for prudence and not emotion
what is he to do? He'd better get out
while these wild men are plunging upon
some innocent newcomer who sounds the
praises of soda water or iced tea.
Then there is the clothing crank He is
almost as bad as the drink fiend. when the
thermometer is above the ninetes. He has
his ideas as to what the body demands to
protect itself when the weather is hot.
Sometimes he advocates the entire absence
of clothing and then again he suggests
that the course of prudence is to keep your
body we'll protected. The no-clothes man
believes that the skin needs freedom to
eFaporate its moisture, and that freedom
cannot be had with clothes. So he urges a
return to the old styles of Eden and is de-
TERED only by our wholesome police regu-
latlons from setting heroic example His
other extreme, the many-clothes man, will
tell You that an ulster is theoretically the
acme OF human happiness in summer be-
cause, as In winter, the need is to prevent
d now or calorlc between the atmosphere
and the body. In winter he will explain
to you. with that plausible air which is the
characteristic of the man who has thought
II all out most carefully, the air is colder
tnan the body, and you wear heavy
cIothes to Keep the body's heat inside In
summer, he goes on, the air is hotter than
! !ne Dody' and you must wear heavy cloth
ing to keep that heat out And so Won will
get 1t going and coming.
sometimes the clothing crank will tell
you soiemnly about the superiority of white
CONES ~ over black ones when the sun is
WORKING overtime. He will point to the
oid school book experiment of covering two
equal pieces of ice with different colored
ciotnS: one white and one black and then
sieeIully assert that the ice under the black
cloth will melt faster than that undar tho
Whlte one He never seems to remember
that you may be housekeeper and that
you are perhaps even then wondering how
III the mischief keen ha ;o.
ou pay Dig prices to a trust from melting
peIore you can get it under any kind of
cloth. ' N'io VI d
That is the worst of the hot weatber
cchVersationalists. They imagine that vo,,
ale-l was gong to say strenuouslv but If
Is 100 soon after the sizzard-that Won are
earnestly concerned in what they are saw
ing ana that your thoughts will not xyan
DER to dangerous themes They have no
ACtioh that while they are talking about
itke t4olheS you are calculating how
lhuch IL would cost to have enough duck
trousers 10 wear three pair day and keen
the laundryman from suing for his Hi
1hey do not know that maybe the drink
question concerns you only to the extent
VI VI. nsutlhg on how elastic your credit is
with the brewery. Nor when the shoe
crank comes with his advice about nerfor
dte" SORES, or cloth tops, or sandals or
patent feathers, does he seem to consider
tii"t "hEe ne Is talking, you may be look
ing pehsiVely down at your own boots and
wondering whether You can make them
last until you get your spick-and-sDan ont
ing OUTFIT in August
hot air talk is infinitely worse than
pllZZard talk. 1t seems to get on the nerves
QUICKER In winter time you can stand
pretty much all the crank can throw into
you about temperature down to the
liquid air point If you are in a warm room
ana have glass of hot stuff alongside
but there Is no such comparative comfort
10 be had in summer. No matter how
much you spend to find comfort. Won are
pretty bad off when the pavement has been
IRVING all day. and it comes home to YOU
with slckening drectness to have YOUR Wis
avs spell you by the quarter hour with
MS eternal grind of advice and his reminis-
cences.
Now, mind you. haven't said a word
about that plain variety of fool. the Is-it-
hot-enough-for-you? idiot. He is really
not worth considering He is harmless, de-
serving only of pity. He has no pronounced
VIEWS He speaks merely out of emptiness
OF mind His classic question is but the
natural mouthng of his breath. Paw no
attention to him. Don't kick him. Let him
alone. He may get over it. But / repeat,
there is no disease in all the catalogue of
the modern scientists as bad as that of the
man with hotweather theory. He is an
aggressive, penetrating influence and I'll
stand any day as charter member of a
club for his suppression by violent means"
Then the group dispersed in silence as the
cool-looking individual arose and strobe out
OF the hotel. And the face of nearly
every man who had listened in silence To-
his TRADE the stamp of a stricken
conscience.
beauty of Paris,
From Harper's Magazine.