Evening star., 1901-12-21
THE WAY TT HAPPENED
WHEN TEE IRATE CITIZEN CAME TO
INTERVIEW THE EDITOR.
Differed Materially From the Pictures
I'm the Ce~fc weekiies-The
True Version.
Written fer The Evening Star.


The gigantic citizen with the tremendous
shoulders and the gnaried, ham-Iike hands.
ponderously mounted the stairs OF the Office
OF the Hayville Kazoo Perceiving he
word Editor" on one OF the doors near the
landing, he turned the knob and walked IN
without knocking.
The editor, a tall, wtry, nervous but de-
termined-looking man, sat in his shirt
sleeves at his desk putting on a corncob
pipe. He didn't look alarmed at the men
acing aspect presented by his huge visitor,
although he must have been aware that the
visitor meant mischief.
The vast man ciomped over to the desk
of the editor of the Hayville Kazoo, stuck
his fiery red countenance within an inch OF
that Of the editor and bawled:
Are you the cockroach that gets out this
rag?'
Sir replied the man at the desk, amia-
bly,, and without the slightest sign of trepi-
dation, Il am the editor of this newspa-
pSr."
"You are, hey?" growled the gigantic
man with the tremendous shoulders. pulling
a copy of the Hayyille Kazoo from his rear
pocket and spreading it out so as to reveal
the editorial page. Did you write this
slush about me?" pointing with a forefnger
of about the size OF an Eastern shore Gu
cumber to the leading editorial on the
page
The editor carefully removed his corncob
pipe from his mouth. laid it on the desk.
scratched his head good-humorcdly, smiled
quizzcally at his huge visitor and replied:
"Uh-huh, did"
'+You did. hey?' roared the big man. re-
storing the newspaper. folded. TO his rear
pocket. And you've got the gall to sit
there and acknowledge ii. have your"
''Uh-huh," replied the editor of the Hay
vile Kazoo. yawning slightly. Yep.
wrote it. Why?"-
Why" thundered the man whose -houl-
ders were almost four feet across and
whose stature was in accordance. Why
Say, you-you moliusk, do you know what
I'm going to do to your
Well" replied the still cool editor of the
Hayviile Kazoo, II may have an inkling of
what you think you're going TO do
;You think you have, hey?" bawled the
big man, as he started to remove his long
black frock coat. well, let me tell you
something, Bill You haven't got no ink
ling whatever of what I'm going to do to
you. I'm just going to saw and split you
and smoke-house You. and hash you up.
and salt you away. That's what I'm going
to do with you. I'm going to make you
look like five cents worth of lard in G.
brown paper bag"
The editor of the Hayyflle Kazoo smiled
again, pushed his chair back, stood up.
stretched his arms and then he
Now, If the penman of this strictly vera
cious narrative had been brought UP in the
comic supplement school of journalism, and
therefore,, he Were an h20ltual QlStOrter
of the everyday affairs of life for the sor-
did purpose of evoking filters from nom
penetrative readers, he would, at this point,
proceed to describe how the editor of the
Hayville Kazoo suddenly shot out his
trusty right, caught the huge man on the
point of the jaw, felled him like a emitten
steer and then proceeded to walk the Span
fSh fandango over the gigantic mans
frame; or he would tell how the editor of
the Hayville KaZoo executed quick move
ment of his right foot, touching Herewith
a button that started lot of trap mechan-
ism to working, thereby dumping the vast
man through a hole in the floor into the
basement, where the one printer of the es-
tabllshment proceeded to turn a powerful
four-inch hose on him; or, again, he would
tell how the editor of the Hayville Kazoo
made a swift dive with his right hand into
an open drawer of his desk yanked out a
big horse pistol, leveled ii on a line with
the forehead of the huge, trouble-hunting
man and sardonically ordered him to throw
up his hands, then marching the big man
in front of him down the stairs and through
the main street of Hayville to the rap
turous delight of the populace.
But this penman is not product of the
comic supplement school of Journalism, and
life would not be worth the living to him
if he were not permitted to chronicle the
facts just exactly as they happen. There
fore
again, pushed his chair back. stood up,
stretched his arms and then he got a biz
in the left eye from the ham-like fist of the
huge. uian5that caused him to see more
eolors than are contained in the annual cat
alogue of paint manufacturing concern
And then the vast man pranced in and
picked up the editor of the Hayville Kazoo
and busted the entire plant with him for
period OF about eight minutes. after which
he carried him up to the roof soused him
in the water tank TO fetch him around to
semi-consciousness ard then he toyed with
him for about eight minutes more, after
hinh ha l,fs
sink, donned his long black frock coat and
departed leaving the editor of the Hayyille
Kazoo in a confused trance on top of a big
pile of old exchanges.
That's the way il actually happened 1t
may not be set down in accordance with
the code of the screech-teasers, but the
writer can't help that He doesn't frame
up these occurrences, but when they occur
it's his function to narrate them truthfully
laugh or no laugh, and at any sacrifice OF
time and money.