Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-04-21

80 cartridges wasted. Arizona has been
kept out of the Union for the last ten
years by just such nascoes, and it Is no
wonder that all true patriots have a pain
around the heart.
we do not know who Moses Wheeler
ia. but he writes US from Utah that he
feels IT a duty TO come hither and bury
us as soon as the snow melts and the
trails become passable. Come on, Moses.
We have been hanging on the ragged edge
J for the last hve years, and II you can
shoot us off Wen mention you in our VIII.
Mr.. George Parker tho poular landlord
of the Home Trail hotel. reproved ono OF
his guests the other day for eating with
his knife, and George is now laid up with
n bullet In his shoulder. We have repeat
edly warned him against trying 10 force
the twentieth ceitury down the throat OK
Arizona, and perhaps this win be a lesson
TO him.
We believe Il is generally conceded that
Adam was the first man created, but
I. because we published the fact last week
in q two line Teller Major Bascomb called
upon us Tuesday Afternoon and stopped hts
Kicker and shot three bullets through
our hair as We sat at our sanctum table.
He had somehow got 1t into his egotstieal
old noodle that he was the first and only
man, and he wanted nc rival.
We have been sharply criticised and our
courage questioned because we permitted
a stranger with two pairs in his hand to
rake In a pot at Little Dicks poker room
the other night against our flush OF hearts.
As the muzzle OF the strangers gun was
within an inch of our nose when he did
the raking and as his forehnger seemed to
be itching 10 pull the trigger. we let
two pairs beat us and continued 10 live
on. eW may play tho ass now and then,
but VIC never play the fool. and VIC shan't
lose any sleep over criticisms.
We incidentally mentioned the other
week that Major Beamen and his 20 cow
boys were about as fine n band OF rufians
/ as could be found IN the cattle country,
and we now understand that the major In
going to open Gre on sight. We didn't
mean to hurt his feelings at all. but
rather intended 10 give hi ma pun. but we
shall have an eye out os we turn street
corners and endeavor to carry of the
affair in a shipshape msnenr.
Captain Silsbie is not a murderer. aH va
stated in The Kicker two or three weeks
ago, and we hereby extend n public
apology and trust that he may see his way
clear to accept it. His record shows
bigamy. COW stealing and arson. but We
apologize Just the same. We have always
been careful about blasting a mans repu-
tatlon and whenever we have found our
| self mistaken have FASTENED to set mat
tiers right as far as possible.
The mail carrier over the Grass Val.
leg route got In an hour ahead OF tins \
Wednesday afternoon. but explained The
pheonmenon by saying that for the last
ten miles Of his ride there were 10 big
mountain wolves following close at hts
horses heels. Two carriers on the route
have been eaten by wolves or bears with
In the last three months. and no "expAdat-
ing Is needed on the part OF the govern
ment TO get the mails through IN time an
the present writing.
The fact that we lead the choir IN tha
Sunday singing at church seems to be q
HfsAA IA fts2 9AAg Va tAA E1*MNANttNA LWaHAEEEt
porary. Our bass voice rattles the panes
Of his window az he sits at home and grfta
his teeth and wonders why Proyldeuca
does not remove us 10 realms above. We
are sorry for the old chap. OF course. but
we don't gee how we can help his case.
We are only making use Of the talents tho
Lord gave us.
The Baitimare News saws that shootinE
and fighting are a regular part OF the
common council proceedings OF Glveadam
Guleh Such a statement should not go
unchalienged About once in six weeks
we have 10 shoot at Alderman Jackson 10
keep him in orde rand repair. but with
that single exception good order and great
dignity always prevail at our weekly
meetings.
II being rumored over at Black Rochf
last week that we were dead or pneumonia
The Gazette turns Itself loose with q
column obituary, and aboft the most
pleasant thing IL says OF us Is that wa de-
served the title Of the Rocky Mountain
ASS. We shall go over 70 the Rock soms
day next week and compel Thee Gasstts
man to eat hts paste pot-if we car lnx
him 1t takes a heap Of siammInx 10 hurt
our feelings. but when dead we want 70
- Let alone.