Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1901-11-23
GOOD
Short Stories

A sanctimonious bore, whose hobby
was anti Catholicism, went to the great
evangelist one day and put the direct
question: "Mr. Moody, do you ever in
tend to do any preaching against the
CatholicsY Yes, 1 may some time"
"When will that be?'' after all the
Protestants are converted"
The late Bishop Mandell Creighton
was once asked if he could state the
difference between an Oxford man and
a Cambridge man. The professor, as
he then was, Immediately replied: can
Oxford man looks as If the world be-
longed to him; Cambridge man as if
he didn't care to whom the world be-
longed."
The other day in London, man went
up to what he supposed was an ac-
luaintance and began to talk to him.
In the course of conversation he said:
81 heard your father make such an eX-
cellent speech in the House of Lords
81 am so glad" was the reply; "we lost
him about ten years ago, and 1 am
highly gratified to hear that he has
gone to SO respectable a place."
Among the wild escapades remem-
bered Of Lord Waterford's youth is one
Of the time when he was living in Dub
lin with his uncle, the primate. Com
ing home late at night, he had a great
quarrel with his cabman about the
fare, and left the man swearing outside
the door. Dashing into the hall, he
found his uncle's gown and trencher "
ing on the side-table, and, putting them
hastily on, he turned, and going out,
with a stick and a gruff voice, said
what do you mean by coming here
and trying to cheat my nephew? I'll
teach you not to do such things for the
future" and he thrashed him soundly.
The man went away, saying that he
had been thrashed by the Archbishop
Of Armagh in person.
When Booker 7. Washington began
his early attempts to arouse the colored
men Of the South to work regularly,
save their money, stop stealing chick
ems, lead good lives, etc, one of his
agencies was the establishment of
schools. Money was scarce, and it
was a day of small beginnings. The
first class was held on the porch of a
house, but it rapidly outgrew the &C
commodation, and, in casting about for
ampler facilities, he found an old, aban-
doned hen-hOuse. Finding a venerable
darky idle, he said to him: "Sam, you
go up tomorrow morning and clean out
that old hen-house back of Mr.. is
house" "Sho'ly, Mr.. Washington, -
was the reply, you won't clean out a
hen-house in de daytime?"
During the earlier days of the reign
of Queen Victoria, dramatic perform
ances were given at Windsor Castle IN
der the management of Charles Kean.
The audiences being limited and stiffiy
aristocratc, the applause was natural
/ ly not especially hearty, and the come
dams felt the absence of the more
demonstrative approval manifested in
the regular theater. One evening the
queen sent an equerry to Mr.. Kean to
know if the actors would like anything
/ (meaning refreshments, when the ac-
tor replied: Say to her majesty that we
should be grateful for little applause
when the spectators are pleased" Back
went the equerry and conveyed the
message. At the end of the act there
was a slight suggestion of handicap
ping and exceedingly gentle foot-tap
ping. James Wallack, who knew moth
ing Of the message sent to the queen
hearing the mild demonstration, prick
ed up his ears and inquired: What is
that? Mr.. Kean replied: THAT, my
dear Wallack, is applause" God bless
me!' retorted Wallack; Il thought il
was some one Smelling peas"
Englishmen are proverbial in remem
bering the sense of puns and in forget
ting the words, so that their attempted
repetitions of them frequently requir,
explanations before the humor is per
ceived. Here is a characteristic on,
sent us by reader: There is a strained
feeling between the aspiring cities O.
the South, Los Angeles and San Diego
and the disesteem Of the former for tn,
latter found expression lately in a stor,
told at a public banquet. This is how
an Englishman, laying down Los An
geles newspaper in a San Diego cluI
in burst of laughter proceeded to tel
the cause of his mirth: This paper say
that at that banquet, a fellar told
minstrel story about one fellar sayin;
that he didn't like Los Angeles; he
streets were crooked; they weren't a
straight as the streets in San Diego
and the other fellar got back at him b,
saying that when Los Angeles ha,
been dead as long as San Diego, he
streets would be as straight This wa
followed by a fresh burst of laughte
from the story-teller, amid the calr
speculation of his hearers. One of then
picking up the newspaper, and reading
; enabled the rest of the company t
, share in the gayety, when it appeare
that the retert was that when Los Al
geles has been dead as long as Sa
, Diego she'll be as well laid OUT"
Tears, Bottled Tears.
A physician who has recently return
ed from Persia says that the native