The evening times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1902, 1901-01-02
MADE BUT TO BE BROKEN.
CHHstic Comment Upon the Fate OF
New Year Resolutions.

new ear Resolutions.
Il expect that a great many people
formed new resolutions yesterday" said
the department clerk, as the waiter ap-
preached with couple of cocktails.
Quite true" replied the commentator,
January 1 has long since been made
popular as our swearing-off day. If the
street contractors would use all the good
intentions blocked out yesterday in paw
ing the main street of hades, from the
wharf On the Styx to the bathhouse on
The beach of Sulphur Lake, that thor
oughfare might be made as smooth and
passable as King Street, Alexandria. His
Imperial Highness. the Mayor of the
Neither Regions, never lacks for good
paving material Immediately after the
first Of the year. The output usually ex-
ceeds the demand, and thus is accounted
for the fact that promises TO be good are
rarely ever made at any other season Of
the year.
The. resolutng business which is or
diuarily LETT in the hands of the women
sufragists and the Citizens Associations
is always carried on By the Individual
on New Year Day. Then 1t is that he
asserts his pTerOgatiVes and announces
his determinations. But. my dear de-
partInent clerk, you should know that
what Dresden china is to the average
domestic. the New Year resolution is TO
the average man-made but to be broken
Why. NY dear sir. take The men who re
solves 70 send SalOOuheeDeTs TO the aims
house by abstaining from all intoxicating
drinks. He IS b. far the most preyelant
Of the TesOluters. His ProcIamatious and
enunciati0ns are the most general l have
known young men to mount the water
chariot on New Year morning with such
firm determination TO remain aboard
that vehicle that they would ruthIessiy
tear OF the steps to prevent themselves
from descending, yet before nightfan the
mere suggestion Of a friends willingness
10 purchase Scotch hishbalIs would cause
them to be precipitated to the ground
with such velocity as 10 make deep dents
in the brick sidewalk. Then they would
knock down sixteen temperate citizens
in wild mad rush 70 reach the cherry
bar Of the nez--,st rumshop.
within q feF days you will observe a
great slump in Inc stock Of the American
Tobacco Trust which will drive thar con
cera to the verge Of bankruptcy. It viii
be because the man who has been addict
ed to the habit of transforming three
PItrsbCTg sCOgles each day into smoke and
ashes or insulting his friends with the
od0T Of burning cabbage has resolved 10
stead Of disJilling tobacco juice he will
satiate his desire by eating the chiIdren's
holiday cndy. emascuIating pepsin gum
and By eating dried orange peel after
which time his approach can again be
detected by the aroma which arises from
the coudagratic, IF a choice roll Of Ma
Mia hemp. Before the end Of the week
the carefully engrossed resolutions so
unanimously adopted viii find their lodg-
ing place upon the library shelves along
side Of the dust-covered volumes of an
Gent literature. The pigeon holes in the
memory Of the average man are always
bulging out with New Year resolutions
The committee never has time TO act up
on them. and the enthusiasm with which
they are annually adopted without a dis
serting vote soon lapses into an echo too
faint even for the angels to hear"
Then you do not believe in New Year
resolutions said the department clerk
"Oh. yes, I do" replied the commenta-
tor, "their adoption sometimes causes a
man 20 spend one night ia the year at
home with his family