The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1901-06-09
FUN OF The woRLp.


FUN OF THE WORLD.
Rogers used 10 quote as the clsverest
retort ever made the answer Of noto-
rious admiral &c the Duke Of Clarence
I hear. sir, thar yOR are the biggest
backyard Ia Portsmouth 1 hope your
Royal Hishness has not come down 10
take away nay character.
on being asked whether he would &c
20 the funeral OF q man whom he very
much disliked. William n. Evarts once
replied: NO. ! shall not attend. but
/ quite approve OF it, or A family rot
too famous FOR its virtue. the witty
lawyer had said. That family is prop
agated by slips"
gz zE
Five-year-old Hugh had overheard
some bad language in the streets. and
had been disciplined for repeating IT. one
day at dinner. after accidentally drop
he exclaimed. Cod" A moment Of
shocked silence followed. and his mother
demonstrated. Hugh. you know I told
YOU yesterday- With folded hands
and closed ewes. High continued Dress
mamma and papa and AUNT Mamie.
When the Union troops were passing
through Missouri in pursuit Of General
Price. a crowd Of negroes came cut OF
some cabins 10 lock at the soldiers. one
Of whom asked: Boys. are you All FOR
the Union2-'
"oh. yes. massa. when you uns is about
We is
And when Price comes you're al Sc
cesh. aren't your
''Lor' yes. massa; Wen all good secesh
then. Can't low &c white folks 90 set
ahead OBJ nigsers in dat way, massa.
Archbishop Temple. OF London. admits
that he is devoid OF musical Eracos. ana
relates that he was once occupying a
seat as an ordinary worshiper in a coun-
try church. his immediate left hand
neighbor being q country yoSel. who
kept turning angry glauces toward the
bishOp-as he then wos-ln evident deprc-
cation Of his lordship's vocal efforts. The
bishop. however. continued making what
he described as "a jolly noise. until at
last the yokel disguisedly closed his book.
and turning TO the bishop. remarked. Il
say. guv nor. chuck it. You're spouin
the whole bloemin' show
An editor who read the manuscript Of
Henry Thew Stephenson's PATRON Van
Volkenberg' thought that the author
might be a good man 70 know. Accord
ingly he wrote him q pleasant personal
letter. inviting better acquaintance. and
as one OF the tests Of compani0nahle ft-
ness inquired whether the author pre-
ferred Lamb or Milton.
Mr.. Stephenson replied. acknowledging
the pleasure the letter had given him,
and saying:
Il do not know whether YOU ask II
like Lamb or mutton, or Lamb or Mil
ton best. but in either case it's Lamb.
x
When Havana was first occupied by
the American troops house cleaning was
the order Of the day Quarters Tor one
OF the military bureaus were prepared
in the lower part Of the city. Upon
inspecting them, after cleaning. the COM
manding officer found that they over
looked an old belfry that adorned an
other part Of the building. Ia this belfry
hung a fine bronze bell. cast in beautiful
designs, more than a century old Bel
fry and bell made a precious addition
TO n picturesque outlook. A few DAYS
later the officer ordered his effects moved
into his new quarters He asked the
sergeant. who came with a detail Of men
for the task: Patrick. how is the big
bell ] admired the other day. Sure,
sir said Patrick. ITS all right now;
but / had a turribie job a-paintin' thOt
bell a foine green. They haven't yet
quite succeeded in scraping of all that
fine green.
ggs g
Really. your face IS very familiar sir:
but YOU seem TO have the advantage OF
me in names.
And she looked at the distinguished
stranger with a puzzled air.
Il farcied" he said. that you would
know me. Ny name Is Bangs and four
e. 10 arr
Sutler."
The face OF the lady blazed.
But a remarkably lucky series OF
stock Investments he went on. have
enabled me TO become your next door
neighbor."
The Iady's face softened.
so pleased 10 renew our acquaintance.
Mr.. Bangs she smilingiy said
*
Two ladies' were discussing the spectac-
ular existence Of a very rich man.
Yes. my dear" said one. II knew him
when he worked for Uncle Joe for s. "a
week. OF course that IS the fixed price OF
ali milli0naires who have made their
money. aud IL does make one tired. but
this IS literally true And now he has a
house IN New York. another al New
port. a farm on Long Island an es-
tate az Lenox, and cottages az Tuxedo
and Aiken. besides a yacht and pri-
vate car that IS the apOtheosis Of leather
and gliding
Where is his homer asked the other
Home? lie hasn't any When they
get az rich as that, they've no more
home instinct than milk cans"
tx
Passengers Sra Broadway car thor
oughiy enjoyed the discontinue ~ q wo-
man who forgot her poiitencss. In ls
not necessary 10 say that The vehicle
was crowded. Such 81 the chronic cGn-
ditlon 4 man whose conscience must
have smitten him terribly FOR permit
ting a woman 70 stand before him f1r
ten minutes arose and offered his place.
saying. grudEirgiy ser politely "Afad-
anne. wiz you have my seat2 she drop
ped into IL Ike a shot tilted her nose.
perked az 80 brisk 49, a bee, and snap
ped OUT ~ think lt8 about tlmc
Wlth the Erzudert exhibition ~ colra e.
ever witnessed in q street car thr man
said most obelsantly- 'Madaue. =
thousand uardons hut you are sitting
she arose be rc0erupled tEe seat ara read
fumed. then began calling for ere c1Hsue-
Tor ~ rut hcF of that car ~ onre'
This moment cguid 1ot remaiu here q
second longer
Ess
In The rres'aentiaI campaign ~ lef fhr
Democrats fn the west made ga effective
point by contrsafire Nr Blchanan'a
fare s.rs Sic career "a : rarrfl.r aa-.rerarr