The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1901-03-10
PAYING FOOL TAX.
An Expense Which All Men Meet i'm
Many Ways.

Everybody must eat his peck of dirt"
is one Of those hard-headed maxims upon
which my boyhood was-nsurished-the
years. This old saying is only another
way of expressing the great truth that
from cradle to coffin every mortal must
pay his or her quota of fool tax. While
this tax oftenest takes the form of dol
lars and cents. it covers the whole gamut
OF human conduct.
The coolest, longest-headed fnancier-he
or she who has reduced economy to an
exact science-is not exempt from this
fool tax of which, sooner or later, they
are mad the victims. For years l have
prided myself upon my skill in repelling
book agents, and especially those who
wanted my biography and mug" to put
into their trashy volumes. Two years ago,
Just after election. one hot day, a smooth
tongued saint got the better of me- He
came with letters Of introduction, saying
that it was the purpose of the publishers
he represented to write a history of the
Republican party. and 1 was selected as
the local great man who would add CHAR
acter to the enterprise. l never could COM
prehend why 1 subscribed $25 for a book
which, at it's best estate, considering the
authors, would not , worth % cents, and
did not realize how badly 1 was sold until
five minutes too late. Like a thousand
other victims, 1 thought in some way In
my case Providence would be kind and
temper the wind TO the shorn lamb. But
He did not. He left me and the book agent
to fight it out together. One bright morn
ing in Bombay 1 received a letter which
rad been patiently following me through
Japan, China and Ceylon, announcing the
completion Of the history, with a dun.
Months afterward, about an hour after my
return home, an expressman came STUN
bling UP my stairs with both bill and book.
I paid the bill, and as soon as possible,
gave away the book. This was not the
worst of it, for the publishers of the
wretched volume sent the bill to some snide
collecting agency at Chicago, who wrote
me saying that If 1 did not pay up they
would expose me. Being OF a serious tenn
per, 1 sought comfort in the Scriptures,
and there found that those eighteen upon
whom the tower of Sloan fell were not
sinners above their fellow-men. / after
wards discovered that two other lawyers,
living almost under the same roof. had
been victimized by the same kind Of
"big-bug" talk.
1t may interest younger men to know
that for the last twenty-five years.. in max
ing by annual budget, 1 set aside 800 for
fool tax, and the year never rolls around
with any of it left over. The ingenuity
with which experts make money by playing
upon our human weaknesses is certainly
wonderful. A rich man is worked in a
hundred different ways to keep his fell
low-men in loaves and fishes. But then
that is what they are for, is it not?
There are other forms OF fool tax be-
sides dollars and cents with which we pay
for our follies. All Of our vices are so
much fool tax In fact. there is nothing
SO superficial and so poor an investment as
vice. We nave no appetite or passion
which is not given us for a good purpose,
10 add 10 our pleasure. 1t is only when
abused they become. as the great Shak-
speare says, pleasant lures for our de-
struction."
1T would be an endless task to enumerate
The occasions when and where, by follow
ing cur perversities. We waste health.
strength and reputation In paying fool
taxes. And yet we all. saint and sinner.
do II ad nauseam. Fool taxes are quite as
often paid by way of our omissions as
commissioning fact. the former are far
mora destructive OF our most Invaluable
,ossezsion-character-than are the latter.
Take a few Illustrations:
.srhe liberal soul shall be made fat"
we arc often ruined by our economies.
= he dollar withheld often incurs q far
rreater ,oss than the dollar given. and the
Kind 1hornL symDotDotto WORD uuoDoken