The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-06-28
HAsAEIadl!5EE'qg.
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Indications. Town Topics.
Some publisher is missing a golden
opportunity In negecting to bring out
''The Love Letters Of Brigham Young"
-Ex.
why are the feelers Of a butterfly
like the seeds In a California Granger
"Give 1t up" Because they're an.
tennae "-Ex.
Was One: Mrs. Empeck-You acted
like a fool when you proposed to me.
Empeck- wasn't acting, my dear.
Town and Country.
Charles Loveday- I'm, ah. Er. er-
er! Err! he he-r Jeweler Ito his
assistant that tray OF engage
ment-rings here, Henry .-Tit-BIts.
Fred-I had fall last night which
rendered me unconscious for several
hours. Ed-YOu don't mean Il? Where
did you fall? Fred-I fell asleep.-Tlt-
Bits.
Molly-My little sisters got the
measles Jmmie-Oh! SO has mine
Molly-Well. I'll bet you my little Sis
ter's got more measles than yours has.
--Tlt.Bits.
"What is the difference between the
cannlbals and Mark TwalnT "The
cannibals enjoy cold missionary, while
Mark Twain likes the missionaries
hOt."-Life
On Board Ship: Can bring you up
some luncheon, sirg" what! Lunch
already Why, II doesn't seem more
than fifteen minutes since breakfast
came upw-Life.
How She Proves It, maggie says
she's a Daughter Of the Revolution"
"Can she prove itT "Sure. Her faith.
er runs a merry-go- nd."-Phlladel.
phta Evening Bulletin.
Right Up in Line: Same old presen.
tatlon of Uncle Toms Cabin sup
posel" mot much; we've worked in
an automobile collision and plantation
rummage sale. Detroit Free Press
Not an Asylum: Vsitor-It must be
very convenient to have an asylum
right in the heart Of your city. New
York Policeman-Asyium! That is the
Stock Exchange.-Ohio State Journal.
Strong willed: Kind Lady-It must
be hard to get along without worklngy
Tramp 1t Is, ma am; yet have
no idea how strong de temtation ter
go to work is, sometimes Brooklyn
Life.
TwofOld: Sniffs-There is more sin
in Chicago than any other city on the
face Of the earth. Snuffs-I beg leave
to differ. Sniffs-I defy you to name
another with more sin in Ill" Snuffs-
Cincinnati.-Ex.
Distlngue: "She comes Of grand
old family, ! believer" Yes, very! An
ancestor of hers was beheaded In the
Tower during the reign of the fourth
Edward How perfectly lovelyw-
Detroit Journal
How much does a member of the
Legislature get in this State?' inquired
the tourist His salary" answered
Farmer Corntossel, "is three dollars
day. Nobody knows how much he
gets. "-Washington Star
Suited to a Tee: Fox Ito bear)-
Come over tomorrow, and wen play
game Of golf on the links Bear-All
right. | don't know what the game is,
but II there's any job you can put up
on the lynx I'm In with you.-Boston
Herald.
His Training: How did Spudklns
get his appointment as Brlgadler-Gen
eral? never knew that he was con-
neeted with the armyY "Oh, yes. by
marriage; his brother-in-law is a
United States Senator. Town and
Country.
A Great Preface: Publisher-I fear
your book is too short; it consists of
only forty pages. AuthOr-Oh, | ex-
plain all that In the preface. Publisher
What length is it? Author Five hun.
dred pages, slr.-Columbus (Ohio) State
Journal
Teacher-Now, Tommy, suppose you
had two apples, and you gave another
boy his choice of them, you would tell
him to take the bigger one, wouldn't
your TOmmy-No, mum. Teacher
Why? Tommy-'Cos twouldn't be nee.
essary.-Tit-
Their Favorite Diet: "The bulls and
bears In Wall street are all carnivorous
animals" remarked the horse editor to
the snake editor. "Indeedr "Yes;
they are fond of spring lamb with
United States mint sauce. ."-Pittsburg
Chronicle Telegraph.
Mrs. Innocence (fnding poker-chips
in her husbands pockets)- me!
isn't George too thoughtful for any
thingl l told himstO buy something to
amuse the baby, and here he has
brought home these pretty colored
disks Philadelphia Record
A Philosopher: Wife-There's n
burglar down cellar, Henry. Husband
Well, my dear, we ought to be thank
full that we are upstairs. Wlfe-But
he'll come up here. Husband-Then
we'll go down cellar. my dear. Surely,
a ten-room house ought to be big
enough to hold three people without
crewding detroit Free Press.
The Bliss of Ignorance: Nagger-
Did you see the President about your
when you were in Wash
ington? Noodleman-No, but | saw
his Secretary. He told me that the
President had remarked when the mat
ter Of my appointment came up that
was persona non grata.' Nagger-
And what does that mean? Noodleman
Why, It's Latin for no person great
err Rather high praise, coming from.
a man of his distinction. eh?-Rich-
mond Dispatch.