The Irish standard., 1901-03-09

| perpetual Punishment from our im-
pcrial court.
General Harrison is not the only
traitor who has set his tongue a-wag-
gng and who has taken his pen in
hand by reason of Marks unaccounta-
bic negligence in adopting my advice.
vagrant, globe trotting scribbler
lamed Samuel L. Clemens, better
known by his sobriquet of "Mark
Twain" was emboldened by General
Harrison's example to indite certain
reflections designed-admirably de-
signed-to bring our imperialistic fad
into contempt and to make it and it's
propagandists the laughing stock of
all creation. Marks article demon
strates beyond all peradventure that
he is as great master of irony as
of humor, rivaling Voltaire, Frederick
the Great and John James ingalls, in
the former as he rivals Henry Field
ing, Abraham Lincoln and Artemus
Ward in the latter. Now, Mark has
tabernacled in the flesh considerably
more than three score years and con-
sequently ought to have known better
than to run amuck on Marks imperial
istic host. His case is sad one and
is fresh illustration of the truth Of
the ancient saw that "an old fool is
the greatest of all FOOLS" When Mark
llauls him to the bar OH a charge of
lese majeste and when it is everlast-
ingly too late to do him any good,
Mark will learn several things, inter
ALA that age like ignorance does not
excuse. In eXtenuation Of his treason
be may plead that he is M!ssourian
and therefore must be shown
mercy: also that millions love
him not for the enemies he
has made, but for the chill
dpen Of the brain which he has begot-
ten, among whom are Colonel Null
berry Sellers, Scotty Briggs, Senator
Dillworthy, Tom Sawyer and Hucklc-
berry Finn.
But by failing, refusing and neglect
ing to hearken unto me Mark brought
upon himself worse calamity than
the treason Of Harrison and Clemens.
The former is resident of Indiana
and might be shunted out of the way
as political has been." The latter is
citizen of Connecticut and might be
got rid Of by being denounced as a
''joker," but while millions of eyes
/ were glued to the pages Of The North
American Review, reading the effu-
. sions of General Harrison and Mark
/ Twain, fierce fire from the rear was
poured into Marks grand army of i'm
perialists by an Ohio statesman-an
| Ohio statesman still in harness, and a
Republican Ohio statesman ut that
Hon. Seth w. Brown, representing the
district containing the sacred tomb of
Rutherford B. Hayes, who committed
the monumental theft of all the ages
by stealing from Samuel J. Tildcn the
presidency of the United States.
That was the most unkindest cut of
all.
Then you and 1 and all of us fell
down,
us.
Since Seth Thomas invented the
clock no man named Seth has accom-
plished so great work as Seth Brown
will accomplish if he succeeds by hook
or crook, finesse or main strength, in
securing the passage of the resolution
which he has introduced into the
house and which runs in these words:
Resolved by the senate and house
Of representatives Of the United States
Of America in congress assembled,
That it is the purpose Of the United
States in retaining possession Of
the Philippine Islands to aid
their inhabitants when they
United States, in establishing capa-
hle and stable free government, and
when this purpose shall be fully ac-
complished the United States, under
such reservations and conditions as
may be wise and just, will relinGuish
sovereignty in those islands,"
If Brother Brown gets that through
in history he will be known as The
Brown. Tom Brown of Rugby, old
John Brown of Osawatomie, Brown.
Sequard Che Of the goat lympl) and
all the rest of the Browns will not be
comparable to Seth Brown, Ohioan
Republican, statesman. When Mark
heard of Browns treason, he must
have felt as did imperial Caesar on 4
celebrated and lamentable occasion