davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
He Wasn't DEAD.

Atchison Globe: A number of young
women came across a boy lying face
downward in a gutter the other even
ing, and they decided that he was
dead; probably murdered. While one
ran to O telephone. the others tried to
pick him up. Dog on you." said the
boy, you have told on me-" And a girl
around the corner began to yell, "One.
two, three for Johnny"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
Miptster Wu.s Renua.t.

Washington special: The Chinese
minister insists that his name should be
capitalized it this way: "Wu Ting
fang" In recent circular letter 10
newspaper publishers he mas called at
tention to the old way Of capitalizlng
and asked that it be changed. please
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
Robust.

washington Star: That man must have
wonderfully strong constitutions" re-
marked the physician.
But he's always complaining of some
ailment.''
Eyes. Nobody could take SO much medi-
cine unless he had q wonderfully strong
constitution"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
Fate of a Ys,low Arti.ts

Brooklyn Life: How did he COM
init suieide?' inquired the eager re.
porter of the yellow Enterprise.
He went into the bull pasture, "
growled the life insurance agent, with
one of your art supplements sticking
out of his pocket"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27

use a email f, he says in the circu-
lar. The fang" at the end Of the name
is merely a small descriptive part of
the title, and not Il part of the surname
at all. The surname is WI, and every
where the minister is known az Mr..
WI, or Minister Nu
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
Non-Co,n initial.

Heitere Welt: Fritz, dear, you love me
more than anything else in the world,
don't you?'
"Sure"
N0?' - W. ~ ~
III. m--well! Has nybody offered that2.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
Beware of Ointm. nts for Catnrrh
That Contain Mercury.

AS mercury will surely destroy the sense
of smell and completely derange the
whole sytem when entering it through the
mucous surfaces. Such articles should
from reputable physicians. as the damage
they do is tenfold TO the good YOU can pos
slbly derive from them. Halls Catarrh
Co., Toledo. o., contains no mercury, and
IS taken internally, acting directly upon
the blood and mucous surfaces of the sys-
TEN. In buying Halls Catarrh Cure be
sure you get the genuine. 1t is taken In
ternally, and made in Toledo o., by i. j.
Cheney & Co. Testimonioals free.
Sold by Druggists. i5c per bottle.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
Work for Mt, Nation.

Philadelphia Record: Wigg-we've
Ind a very open winter, haven't we?
Wagg-Yes; it's wonder some Of
these Kansas women haven't tried to
close it up.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27

Piso's Cure is the best medicine we
ever used for all objections of the
throat and lungs. William o. Ends
ley, Van Buren,, Ind, February IL,
1900.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
Do Your Feet Ache and Burn.

Shake into your shoes, Aliens Foot
Ease, a powder for the feet. 1t makes
tight or New Shoes feel Easy Cures
Corns, Bunions, Swollen, Hot and
Sweating Feet. AT all Druggists and
Shoe Stores, 25c Sample sent FREE.
Address Allen S. Olmsted, Leroy, ", Y.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
No Danger OF a pronaht.

sondags-Nisse: spealser-Ag ainst ever,
missionary sent to Africa there goes 20. oN
gallons of whisky.
Voice-That's pretty much even for a
thirsty missionary
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
Up to Date Proposal.

Moonshine: Ton-Do you believe in
palmistry?
May--Yes.
Tonl-Give me your hand and 1 will tell
you who your husband will be.
May-With all my heart.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
.Borrow,nK" well.

Chicago-Record Herald: Stubs, IL
your new novel selling well?"
mo, but nearly all the netghbors
have borrowed It,"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27

Etc Permanently Cured. it's or after
~ first day Il of DR.. klinc's Greut Nerve Re.
stoier. send for FREEH2 90 trial bottle md treatsc
DR.. r. H. KLINE Ltd. ISL Arch ST.. Philadelphia Pa
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27

"YIRTIIAMAn Gives vitality, vim. restoring
onNAh ambitions OF youth, health At
ting for success happiness in business. professiona
tocsl married ife % or for s5 mailed on receipt
OF price a. 3 baker, druggist. Sioux City, who
carries full line Of legitimate rubber goods. Kidd
Drug Co.. Elgin, ILL.,, guarantors.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
Time for "a1aha.Irn..

sondags-Nlsse: Hurry. the audience is
becoming restless!"
Great Violinist-But, my dear sir,
must have time to properly dsarrange my
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27

July is Coming, Anyway.
Atlanta Constitution: Whether there be
hell or not. there can be no doubt about
the annual recurrence of July.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27

Since the discarding of the Broadway
cable New York boasts Of a $4,000, 0Oo
pile OF old Junk.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
Just ID ne on.rrsIIne.

Detroit Free Press Edgar and /
quarrel all the time about automobiles:
he says he won't have horse, and /
say 1 won't have anything else"
80 you are going to get a convey
ance of some kind?'
20 goodness. no; half the time we
can't scrape up street car fare
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27

Mrs. Window. SOOTHING SYRUP for Children
teething, soften the gums, reduces inflammation
allays pain cures wind collie. pc u bottle
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27

A Cincinnati minister recently sur
prised his hearers by audibly praying
for those of his congregation who were
too proud to kneel and too leey to
stand
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27
Penaltie. Of the Chase

Cleveland Plain Dealer: ma isn't COM
ing down to dinner, pa. She is all tire,,
out. an she's gone to bed, an she doesn't
want anything to eat.
what tired herr"
Running up an down stairs SO many
tlmes.''
And why did she run up and down
stairs?''
She was chasn' moth miller"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-06-27

HIJ TJy q TItT7-I.
our original crew of thirty-five was
now reduced by sickness and accident to
about twenty We carried a quantity OF
provisions hoistcd the ensign at the peats
and babe goodby to the Enterprise on DC
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1901-11-20
Limited Forgiveness.

Mr.. k!utz, &C North Carolina, told
the following:
1.-TWO brothers, John and Jacob,
had lived to old age in the most ami
cable relations, when, over some trivial
occurrence, they 'fel! cut, as we ssy
in North Carolina, and 10 longer even
spoke as they passed by. Finally,
John, the younger of the two, felt
impelIed to try to make things up.
He rode over TO Jacobs house and
vainly accosted the old man who was
sitting on the porch; but refused to
speak to, or take any notice Of him.
Nothing daunted, John bravely broach-
cd his errand.
Now, Brudder Jacob, said he,
you know we've been livin like brud-
ders now nigh on to 40 year, and we We
had'this onfortunit fallin out, and L We
jest come over to see if we can t make
it up.
Jacob, with his head in his hands
made no response.
Now, Brudder jacob, John went
on, you know we've lived like brud-
ders ought for nigh on to 40 year, and
our fader's dead and our mother 8
dead and all our brudders and sisters
is dead, and we 8 all that left. Let's
make it up, Brudder Jacob? If I've
done you any harm, hope you'll for
gif me and if you've done me any
harm | freely forgif you
Jacob still made no response, and
John went on with one last effort at
reconciliation:
"'Now, Brudder Jacob, said he,
you know we've been going to the
communion table over here at the
organ church for nigh on to 40 year,
aud the saclement meetin is comm on
over thar next Sunday. and we ought
to go to that meetin; but we cant go
with such feelin's like these in our
hearts; we ought to forgif one another
and go to that table with right feelin 8
in our hearts, like brudders ought,
and like we always used to do. Let
make it up, Brudder Jacob
"Old Jacob was touched and partly
won at last, and looking up he said,
well, Brudder John, 1 freely forgif
you till after the sac!emcat meetin;
but not blamed minute longer =
Champ Clark $ Cloak Room Stories.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1901-11-20
Will Never Surrender.

Down in Nelson County there lives
man now past 80, who in 40 years has
never set foot upon the ground nor
allowed the. sun to shine upon his
head. He is Basil Hayden, distil.
ler, and he made the VOW just after
President Lincoln's proclamation set
ting the negroes free.
When the war came on Hayden was
one of the wealthiest men iu Ken
lucky. Among his other property
were great number of slaves, and
these he lost when President L;nco!n
issued his emancipation proclamation.
He had been a strong Southern sym.
pathizer, and when he lost his slaves
he went into his big house and made
vow that ne +, ouid never put Ills foot
on tho earth again and that the sun
should no more shine upon his head.
He has hundreds of acres Of land
and much money lent out at interest.
He has one man who attends to the
farm and collects his interest. He will
talk to no one else. He raises much
grain and other produce on his farm;
but he refuses to sell except at prices
quoted in the papers during the war.
Consequently he seldom makes sale
and his goods go to waste or to
charity.
He has many horses and mules
which he holds at the prices brought
during the civil war. He does not
rent them; but he lends them to the
people of Washington and Nelson
counties. Hundreds of these animals
are being worked by people who do
not pay a cent for their use.
Mr.. Hayden lives entirely in the
past. His only reading is done in ia
pers published before and during the
civil war Louisville, Ky, Dispatch.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1901-11-20
The Use of Pain.

Pain is not disease; it is symp-
tom, calling attention to the fact that
disease exists. We do notremove the
disease by stopping the pain.
Headaches usually arise from dis
turbances in digestion, due to over
eating, eating freely Of soft foods, too
much Of variety of meals, etc. Fer
mensation and decay Of the foods with
the formation of poisons and irritants
results. The danger is reported at
headquarters. The thing to do is to
heed the voice of the faithful senti-
mel, assist nature to get rid Of the i'm
purities generated, either by washing
out the stomach, drinking freely Of
water, fasting for day, by vigorous
exercise or eliminative baths. Reoog-
nize in the pain the voice Of friend
calling attention to the fact that we
have done wrong and resolve never to
violate the laws of health on this
point again. In day Or 80 the trans
gressor would feel we'll and would be
able to keep from getting into the
same or worse condition by avoiding
the causes.
This is no, the way these symptoms
are usually treated. Pain is looked
upon as an enemy, not as the voice Of
friend. The sick one goes to a ply
sician and demands something that
will stupefy or paralyze the nerves
the pain must stop at once. He is
given an opiate; the pain stops; the
food still keeps on decaying in the
stomach; he imagines he is we'll.
The disease still exists; the symptom
alone has been removed. Tho faith
full sentinel has been knocked down.
The means of telegraphic communica-
tion 4" headquarters have been sever
ed. Tne enemy has his own way and
is able TO so ahead undisturbed in his
destructive WORK. The watchers are
asleep under an anaesthetic or opiate.
The enemy enters the camp. Poisons
that are generated in the stomach
through errors in diet overwork and
irrita,v the liver, the lungs and kid
n-ys, through which they are elimina-
ted, aud iually result in Bright dis
ea>-, VI the lungs, being weakened.
are no, able I" -ssist the germs Of dis
ease ,has are .nhal.d. He falls vic
tim I" ru'-rc1lu>is and is now in q
ser,ons. i u"t an iucurable condition.
The "n'S safe way is to study the
human t,dy AID become familiar with
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1901-11-20

It. G. Martin, an authority upon
the subject, finds that 100, 600 people
are employed in telegraphy, $4,000 by
Bell telephone companies, 1000 in
electric lighting plants, 10000 on
rtreet railways operated by electricity,
and $50. 900 in electric factories.
- Glass shoppers in bottles may
easily be removed when they have be-
come fixed by pouring hot water over
the neck of the bottle. The heat
causes the glass to expand and it then
being considerably larger than the
stopper the latter eau be easily with
drawn.
- The pope receives more letters
and newspapers each day then any
other man, the average number being
from 10000 to $4,000. Of these only
e few are ever seen by his holiness,
most of them being taken at once
to the chaucellor's Office, where they
are distributed among 80 secretaries.
- The youth who was smoking a
coffin nail near the monkeys cage
took another one from his pocket.
"Would it do any HARM" he asked,
''if l should Ger him one of these?"
"Not bit, responded the attendant.
"He wouldn't touch it. A monkey
isn't half as big fool as it looks"
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1901-11-20

= The difference between play
bill and landlord is that the play
bill gets stuck on bill board and the
landlord gets stuck on board bill.
Prickiy Ash Bitters can be de-
pended on To cure the kidneys, cor
rects the urine, strengthens the
stomach aud relieves backache.
- Sillicus-"What is there more
delightful than dainty little homr
lit up by the presence Of an angelic
wife?" Cynicus--"A club"
Tenderness or aching in the, small
Of the back is serious symptom.
The kidneys are suffering. Take
frickiy Ash Bitters at once. tits q
reliable kidney remedy and system
regulator aud will cure the trouble be-
fore it develops its dangerous stage.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1901-11-20
Notice Final Settlement.

Notice Of Final Settlement.
THE undersigned, Executor of the
EtSsate of s. ~. Bowen, deceased,
hereby give notice tha, he will on the
7th day of Decemt'er. 1901. apply to the
Judge of Probate for Anderson County for
Final Settlement Of said Estate, and q
discharge from his office nv Executor.
SAMUEL BOWEN, Extr
Nov 6. 1871 20 ba
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1901-11-20

- Many a mans shiftlessness is due
to the fact that his father bore down
too hard on the grindstone when he
was boy.
= An expert Of the United States
Agricultural Department, after spend
ing several years in the study Of
wheat, with special reference to its
growth in different parts of the coun-
try, says that the best wheats in the
world are of Russian origin, particu-
larly those that come from Eastern
and Southern Russia. They not only
resist cold and drought and leaf-rust,
but have the best quality of grain.
- II. T. Mcintyre, St. Paul, Mimi,
who has been troubled with disor-
dered stomach, says. Chamberlain 8
Stomach and Liver Tablets do me me
good than anything I have ever
taken" For sale by Orr-Gray Drug
20
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1901-11-20
To the Public.

Allow me to say a few words in
praise of Chamberlain s Cough Rene
dy. | had very severe cough und
cold and feared l would get pneumon
ia, but after taking the second dose of
this medicine felt better, three bot
ties Of it cured my cold aud the paius
in my chest disappeared entirely.
am, most. respectfully, yours for
health. RALPH S. MEYERS. 74-Thirey
seventh ST., Wheeling, W. Va. For
sale by Orr Gray Co.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1901-11-20

is the only cure for Poison Oax, Poison
Ivy, and all noxious plants. It is COM
posed exclusively Of roots and herbs. Now
is the time to get the poison out of your
system, as delay makes your condition
worse. Don't experiment longer with
salves, washes and soaps-they never cure.
Mt. s. NJ; Marshall, bookkeeper Of the Atlanta
{Ga.) Gas Light Co., was poisoned with Poison
Oak. He took Sulphur, Arsenic and various
other drugs and applied externally numerous
lotions and salves with no benefit. At times the
swelling and Inflammation so severe he was
almost blind For eight years the poison would
break out every season. His condition was much
improved after takins ore bottle Of 8. s. s.. and
all evidences of the disease disappeared.
People are often poisoned without
knowing when or how. Explain your case
fully to our physicians, aud they will
cheerfu1ly give such information and ad-
vice .As you require, without charge, and
we will send at the same time an interest
Ing book on Blood and Skin Diseases,
THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO., ATLANTA. ca.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1901-11-20
NO 7 &c. !.

ALL parties owing me Mortgages,
Notes and Accounts are requested to
call and settle as they fall due. .
must have my money, and all Mort
cages, etc., not settled or satisfactorily
arranged by Nov. 1st will be fore
closed and sued on. So please give
this matter attention and save cost
and the expenseof sending collector
TO zee you.
j. s. FOWLER
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1901-11-20

the laws upon which health, happi
ness and life depend. Prevent pains,
woe and sickness by avoiding their
causes.-Lje and Health.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-06
A Woman With Grit.

While in from Alsea last Tues
day, Lon Hash related an igci-
dent of womanly pluck and self
reliance worthy Of pioneer days.
Mr.. Hash and his sons were
working On a hill above his
hodse in Lower Alsea when the
familiar report Of a rife reached
them and the father exclaimed,
"That's my gun" and they all
paused to listen. Three more
shots followed in rapid Success
sion, and shortly after a hailing
blast from the dinner horn. They
fastened to the house, where
Mrs. Hash pointed to the body
of large buck, which she had
the skill to bring down with her
rifle, but lacked the heart to cut
I its throat.
The dogs had driven the ami
mai near the house, and Mrs.
Hash seized the Winchester and
tulnbled bis deership over at the
foufth shot.
The antlers of this buck will
hang beside another trophy tax
en- some years ago, the skin OF a
huge California lion.
One day, while the children
were playing near the house,
wholly unconscious of the danger
lufkidg near, the trusty watch-
dog suddenly shifted the air and
dashed into the thieket. The
mothers eyes followed his move
lnents, and the sight which met
her gaze would have frozen the
blood of less courageous woman.
The dog had started large lion
within a few feet of where the
children were playing. The ami
NAL sprang upon the trunk of a
nearby tfee, and climbed to the
branches. Mrs. Flash quickly
secured rifle from the house,
aud sent bail through the lions
body, bringing it to the ground.
It bounded away pursued, by The
dog, and climbed a tree some
distance from the house. Here
it remained until Mr.. Hash re.
turned home and dispatched it.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-06

adinirer who had faith ia him,
sailed toward the fortress of the
honey-inakers. The majority o.
the crew stood at a respectful
distance from the base of opera
tions.
On arriving at the stand,
"Cancerous'' deliberately gather
ed a handful of bees and cast
them from him. Several hand
fuls of bees were treated with
the same of-hand contempt.
Things began to warm up and
the body-guard beat a llasty re-
treat. With the utmost con-
tempt, the charlner set his ohisel
and stl uck it with the hammer.
immediately more bees appeared,
then still more bees. "Cancer-
ous' wavered in his onslaught.
He would now and then reach a
hand toward his face and go
through the motions Of placking
a bee ''of, the perch.' The bees
surrounded their charmer in such
numbers that to spectators
"Caneerous'' was the faintest
outline Of a man. Suddsnly,
without any suggestions along
that line, "Cancerous" and the
bees began to move in every di-
rection. In this charming man
ner the bees were finally thrown
off the scent and "Caneeroas"
was free. He had wandered far
from camp and when found by a
search party was blind from the
operation of the bees he had
hypnotized so we'll. This is
perhaps the only time that his
hokus-pokus failed. him.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-06
"Cancerons" and the Bees.

Somewhere along the dividing
line between the counties of Ben
ton and Lane is a spot that will
always remain vefdare-elad In
the memories of the u1ea COM
posing the threshing crew of a
certain machine that was oper-
ated in the fall Of 1901. Prom.
inent ia the crew was an indi-
vidual who was charmer of
oancerous snakes, warty toads
and untold numbers Of other ar
oanny and creepy subjects. He
boasted of his ''charming'N abili-
ties, Of what lie had done and
could do, until the crew mani
tested considerable interest in
his powers for charming and de-
sired an exhibition.
One day it came to pass that
an honest farmer on whose wheat
plantation the threshing crew
were operating concluded to rob
his bees of some honey. The
boys desired that "Cancerous, 2
as the snake charmer had beer
nick-named, be allowed to try
his power on the bees. The
farmer was willing. Canoerous,
armed with hammer, a knife
and a cold chisel, followed by af
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-09-06
Caa'f Marry in Oregon.

Gov. T. T. Geer yesterday re
ceiyed a most peculiar request,
evidently written by a love-sick
swain, says the Statesman. The
letter is dated in one Of the
towns of Oregon, and says:
'Please inform me if cousins
can be legally married in the
state of Oregon. If nos, in
what other states can they be
legally married."
In postscript the most inter
estlng part of the letter is con-
tanned, showing an abiding
faith in the gfeat power vested
in Oregoa's Executive, It fol-
lows:
"Could It Be so arranged that
the parties could be married at
Salem by your authority"
Governor Geer informed the
seeker after knowledge that tn
der the laws of Oregon cousins
could NOS be legally married,
that no enc, not even the gov
ernor, could set aside the laws,
and advised him to consult the
laws of the etate of Washington,
where it might be possible the
desired marriage could take
place.