Mesa free press., 1901-01-11
~o~~~~~o~~

Parke-"I've just had my telephone
taken out" Lane-"What forY Parka
My next door neighbor put one in
Harper's Bazaar.
Bad Times.-"He has always run his
business like clockwork." Eyes, and
now his creditors have wound it up
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Mrs. Bicker-There you go again! You
always were fault-fnder. Mr.. Bicker
Sure; and I'll never forget the day
found you.-Chicago News.
The Bachelor Single-blessedness is
good thing" The Benedict-"Well,
isn't double blessedness twice as
good?"-Yonkers Statesman.
Justice-''What were you doing in
Colonel Pullet's chicken coopY Uncle
Mose-"Fo' de Lawd, judge, was jes
takin' de census" Harlem Life.
Snarley-'You don't have to be an
artist to draw a check" Yow-"No,
but you have to be royal academician
to get it cashed."-Syracuse Herald.
''It is claimed that the Dowager EN-
press Of China started in life as SER
vant-girl." ''No wonder they stand in
awe of ."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
would you start out on journey on
Friday?" ''No, indeed" "Why are
people SO superstitious?' "Pm not SUI
perstitious, 1 am paid on Saturday.
Answers.
She-"I wonder why it is that SO
many old maids have fat bank ac-
counts" He-"Probably for lack Of
anything else, they husband their re-
sources" Brooklyn Life.
"How did you ever happen to marry
him?" "Why, he made me mad"
Mad? How" Gle acted as if he
didn't think would and rather hoped
wouldn't Chicago Post.
What is that quiet, inoffensive little
man over there in the cornerY "In-
offensive? Say, don't you start him up;
he's the professor who is master Of
eight languages. Chicago Record.
On the Contrary: Vane Glory-I hope
Swainston said nothing about me the
other night, old chap? Cecil Swarve-
Not word, old man; in fact, we had
quite an interesting little chat.-Judy.
MIR. Hardcase," said the minister, ST
saw your son in saloon yesterday"
Ibid you? replied Mr.. Hardcase; II
hope he had the politeness to ask you to
have something."-P Rec
ord.
City Nephew-"What do you think
Of DR.. pillsbury as physician"
Farmer Hayroob-" Safest doctor any
where in this part of the country
nearly always off fishin' when he's
wanted. Judge.
Hoax-Why is the merchant who
doesn't advertise like man in row.
boat? Joax-Because he goes back
ward, l suppose. Hoax-No; because
he has to get along without sales.-
Philadelphia Press.
Warwick-England keeps getting
friendlier than ever to us since she got
into trouble with the Transvaal. Wick
wire-Yes; she now claims that she
sympathized with us in our war with
the Hessians last century.-Judge.
A Long-sought Friend: Christian Sci
entist-First, you must eliminate fear.
Witherby-Have you no fear? Christian
Scientst-None whatver. Witherby-
Then you're just the one I'm looking
for. Come and help me discharge my
cook.-Life.
Fairlie-Jack, have you that ten
pounds I lent you the other day?
Flyntie-Not all Of it, old chap; but
what l have will do me day or two
longer. jolly kind and thoughtful Of
you to inquire, though Glasgow Even
Ing Times.
Don't you find that Mr.. Aster's
poems," said the young poets mis-
guided admirer, "are full of words that
burn?" "Well, no." replied the editor,
II never put them to that test; merely
drop them in the waste basket."-Phil-
adelphia Press
Don't you get tired" said the talka-
tive customer, standing there hour by
hour ironing one stiff-bosomed shirt
after the otherw NO." answered the
Chinese laundryman. 'It rests me to
think 1 don't have to wear them."-
Washington Star.
There is safety in numbers" said the
trite conversationalist. 'There is," an
swered the man who talks on politics;
"if you can't convince a man by your
argument you can always silence him
by quoting a lot Of statistics that he
knows absolutely nothing about
Washington Star.
"What did you expect to prove by
that exceedingly long -winded argu-
ment of yours?" asked the friend. II
didn't expect to prove anything" an
swered the orator. Cali hope to do
was to confuse the other fellow so that
he couldn't prove that didn't prove
anything Washington Star.
The Only Way: Mrs. Dimpleton-My
I,