Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-11-18
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A Bad Break.

A Bad Break.
Philosopher in petticoats,
Her face no wrinkles carried;
No craven lines of discomfort
On her fair features tarried.
She bought some exposition plates,
And here my story ceases;
She broke one and her troubled face
Now carries all the pieces:
Chicago Record-Herald.
Tlenty of 1t.
"He seems rather proud of his ignor-
ance."
"Yes; well, he's got a good big lot
of it.'-Chicago Record-Herald.
Art.
ais 1t true that Doddesly has good
taste in art?'
"Well, if you call choosing a few
fruit pictures for his dining-room good
taste, he has it."-Detroit Journal.
The Secret.
Ella-"Bella told me that you told
her that secret 1 told you not to tell
her."
Stella-"She's a mean thing-I told
her not to tell you l told her."
Ella-"Well! 1 told her 1 wouldn't
tell you she told me-so don't tell her
1 did" ."-Brcoklyn Life.
One Point Ahead.
Jones-"The big newspapers beat
the magazines"
Brown-"How' that?"
Jones-"Well, when you buy big
you get lot of magazine
news; but VIXEN you buy a magazine
you don't get any newspaper news"
Chicago Record-ETeralG.
An Exchange of Compliments.
Man on Bridge-"Time can't be very
valuable with you, my friend. I've
been watching you for two hours, and
you haven't had bite"
Man on Bank-"My times wuth too
much, by gum, to waste two hours OF
it watchin' man fish that amt ketch
in thin'"-Chicago Times.
No Cause For Complaint.
Mr.. Ferguson-"Did you have a GOOD
time at Mrs. I1ighmore's tea, Laura"
Mrs. Ferguson-"No; L was miser-
ably lonesome"
Mr.. Ferguson" Lonesome"
Mrs. Ferguson-"Yes; | was the only
woman there who hadn't been having
trouble with her help."-Chicago Trib-
une.
Beauty's Advantage.
II wouldn't be SO concerned about
my looks, Ethelinda," said the home
ly husband,' GROSSLY. Beauty is only
skin deep"
Il know it, Melchior," snapped the
pretty wife, still inspecting the effect
Of her new hat il the mirror, but
ugliness goes clear through. Chi
cago Tribune.
Not Ovcr-Elated.
81 Suppose" said the effusive lady
who was visiting the Meektons, that
your wife is sure that she has the best
husband that ever lived?"
"Yes," answered Meekton, with
like a sigh; but at the
same time l don't believe she thinks
that is saying much for me. Wash
ington Star. ,-.
-- -
uas Ills Approval.
She-"Oh, Fred, you are so noble, SO
generous, so handsome, so chiyalrous,
so much the Superior Of every man L
meet. can't help loving you. Now,
what can you see in plain little me to
He-"Oh, 1 don't know, dear; but
you certainly have very good judg-
ment." ."-Tit-Bits
Plain People.
"The payple Oi lived wild before"
said the new cook, 'wor very plain,
ma'am."
well, are we not plain here?" asked
the lady.
''Troth, ye are so, maam, but in
dlhcicHl way. i ht OlltIS W.T. lIliiu Ill
their way O. liyin', not in their looks,
ma'am. m."-Philadelphia Press.
He Really Did.
my DEAR" said Mr.. Hawkins to his
better-half, "do you know that you
have one Of the best voices in the
worldY
"Indeed?' replied the delighted Mrs.
H, with n flush of pride at the
"Do you really think So"
II certainly do" continued the heart
less husband, otherwise it would
have been worn out long ago."-Tit-
Bits.
Couldn't DO 1t.
"Uuhand me, wretch"
The tense tones of the heroine float
ed out over the auditorium, and the
people in the boxes stopped right III
the middle of their conversation.
1t was, indeed, crucial moment.
The villain gaZcd at her with cold,
cruel sneer OH his grease paint. Then
he hisSed:
Il am no surgeon"
But next performance the stare