davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01
German EpItaphs.

Here are some gems of wit and humor-
Intentional or unconscious-collected
from German and Austrian cemeteries
and published in the Vienna Freie Presse,
and translated by the Literary Digest:
An angel has flown to heaven her earth
ly shell remains Nothing is dead except
the happiness of her parents.
On a carter. killed in a runaway:
THE road to eternity is not long. He
started at o'clock and arrived at s."
On a man of letters:
Here lies the best man in the world.
He deprived himself of sleep to Oestow
it upon Others"
A tomb in a rural cemetery bears a
bas-relief depicting a peasant impaled on
the horns of bull Below is the inscrip-
ton:
1T was bulls horn that sent me to
heaven. died in a moment leaving wife
and child. Oh. bull bull! To think that
l owe 10 you everlasting repose?'
The following does not speak we'll for
the married life of the deceased:
Here rests in God F. K, who lived &c
years as man and 81 as a husband"
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01
BRIGHT BITS.

Another marvel which will possibly be
produced in the future is the turtle with
an edible shell, by crossing soft-shen
crab with a terrapin. Numerous other
piscatorial freaks are also believed pos
sible.-Special Gable Dispatch from New
York to the London Daily Mall.
The Modern -Fight.-"Mr. Fitz-
Jeffries," said the reporter. "a cable mes
sage from Paris says the champion heavy
weight of France wants to fight you"
well, if he does" replied the great pu-
gllist, hell have to do it in English.
I'll be hanged If I'll learn his language"
Philadelphia Press.
Understand you started a kitchen
garden. Raising much?"
Nothing but umbrellas. '-Cleveland
Plain-Dealer.
-Jack-.I saw deaf-mute man talking
on his myers to a deafImute girl to-
day.
Kitty-What was he saying?
Jack-"I love you more than words can
utter!'-Detroit Free Press.
"A Fathers Confession.-"My dear"
said the fair girls father. Il listened to
your graduation essay with a great deal
of interest" did your" she rejoined
coolly. Yes; and / want to say that
1 have been doing you an injustice and
that 1 am sorry for 1t. 1 used to think
you were worrying about what Susie
Simpkins was going to wear or whether
Charlie Chumpkins was going to call.
when all this time you were bordering on
the ultimate destiny of the human race!"
Washington Star.
When the Union troops were passing
through Missouri in pursuit of Gen. Price
a crowd of negroes came out of some
cabins to look at the soldiers. one of
whom asked: Boys, are you all for the
Union?"
"Oh. yes, massa; when you uns is about
we is"
And when Price comes you're ell
seeesh, aren't your
LOT, yes, massa; ives all good secesh
then. Can't low de white folks to get
ahead OBJ niggers in dat way, massa."-
Washington Post.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01
PERSONAL.

Vice President Roosevelt has accepted
the celebration of Colorados twenty-fifth
anniversary as a state, which will be held
at Colorado Springs, Aug. 2, next.
Three generations of colored fam
lily have graduated from Oberlin College
John NJ Langston, in 1S49 his son, Ar
thur d. Langston, a teacher in St. Louis,
in 1877, and his grandson this year.
Prof. Thomas C. Esty of Amherst,
who has been appointed professor of
mathematics at the University Of Roches-
ter, graduated from Amherst in 1891 and
then studied for several years at Got
tingen.
George Croal of Edinburgh, now sound
of body and mind, though IS years old, is
the only survivor of the large company
which, in 1927, at the Edinburgh Theater
Royal dinner, heard Sir Walter Scott ac-
knowledge that he was the author of the
Waverley novels.
AT the annual meeting of the board
of trustees of Tabor College. held on June
Is, the Rev. DR.. John Gordon was elect
ed dean and acting president. DIR. Cor
don has held the chair of history in Tabor
College for one year, and was for eight
years professor of ecclesiastical history
in the Presbyterian Theological Seminary,
at Omaha.
-Theodule Ribot, professor of expert
mental psychology at the College de
France. the founder of the Revue Phil
osophique" and the inspirer of an entire
generation of students and professor Of
the new psychology, not only in France,
but all over the world. will retire ON a
pension, at his own request, at the be-
ginning of November.
Last Monday was the tenth anniver-
sary of the conservation of Bishop Davis
Sessums (EpiscopaD of Louisiana, and
the New Orleans Times-Democrat says
that ''all the love and the tenderness and
the reverence which throb in the heart Of
every Episcopalian in louisiana was
crystalized in royal gifts-three splendid
outpourings of diocesan love and devotion
These tokens were an episcopal ring, pre-
scented by Archdeacon Percival in behalf
of the clergy; a set of episcopal vest
ments and a $50 check for home missions,
a purpose very dear to the Bishops heart,
given by the laity through Judge w. w.
Howe"
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01
PROFITS IN "RELrGroN..

Freedom Of religious worship is guar
our basic principles that a man shall be
permitted to worship according to the die
tates of his own conscience, without in
reference on the part of the law This
immunity of religions from molestation
has been taken advantage OF by designing
and INSCRIPTIONS persons for their own
pecuniary profit. The newspapers from
time TO time chronicle the advent of some
new prophet" with new religion, and
about as often show that the new 'proph-
et' has some smart financial scheme
connected with his Church for his own
enrichment. 1t would probably not be
difficult to enumerate half a dozen or
more inventors of new religions" at
present upon the stage of activity, VINO
have amassed great fortunes out of con-
tributions from their followers.
One of the most successful of these
charlatans is John Alexander Dowie of
Chicago, who claims that he is a REIN
carnation of the Prophet Elijah. Dowie is
a foul-mouthed vulgar old man; never
theless he has secured a large following
in his zion" and is said to have accum-
ulated several millions of dollars from
his dupes. He claims to be a steward of
the Lord. sent upon earth to collect
tfthes for the propa cation of his peculiar
religion" and he makes his followers
pay up cash on the nail. Indeed, the
whole burden of his theme is money;
pay your money into the church, or you
will go to hell" Some time ago he
bought some suburban lots cheap. Now,
as ''the agent of the Lord" he is sell
ing them at fancy figures to his deluded
followers, who hope to secure mansion
in the skies through the medium of one
of Dowie's building lots. Dowie. mean
while, takes care that all of the Church
property stands in his name individually,
as we'll as its bank accounts. Thus he
is the whole thing. And he is making
1t good thing, for himself.
While Dowie is unique in his methods,
it may be said that he is type of the
religion" fakirs. They are all making
money, They play upon the credulous,
weakminded and superstitious-which
classes, by the way, make up very con-
siderable proportion of the population.
And they are enabled to do this because
they are virtually superior to the law.
If one man swindles another by selling
him a brick of brass for a brick of gold
there is a law to fit the case: but If one
person swindes another out of property
and possibly out of life and the hope of
the future through some faxed religion"
there is no law that is applicable. The
prophet claims to be absolutely sin
cere and operating under divine guidance;
that he is worshfpping God according to
the dictates of his conscience, to do
which he has an equal right with all
other rengionists. And what authority is
to say that 1t isn't so? Dowie makes use
of his religious immunity to revile the
best people and greatest institutions in
Chicago, as well as to draw dollars into
his Golfers through false pretenses. But
nobody in authority has ever placed a
hand upon his shoulder and said, Stop
Through the American spirit of broad in
| DILIGENCE he Is aboVa the law
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

For years the American public have
been bamboozled into the idea that there
was no wheat -four in the world from
which first-class macaroni could be made
except the -four of Italy, Russia and the
Orient. What there was in these fiours
that was not in the American -four no.
body ever claimed TO explain satisfac-
torily. Americans were merely told. you
must get your macaroni from Italy" and
they blindly went ahead and got II from
there. without ever trying TO produce the
queer little pasty tubes for themselves.
Recently. however, large manufacturer
of macaroni in Italy ran out OF the spe-
cial brand OF -four he had been using. and
made tests with American -Four The re-
suit was that the American product gave
macaroni Of much richer quality than
the common macaronL Of commerce. Now
that the foreigners themselves have OPEN
"a our eyes 10 the neat biz OF commercial
deception they have bean practicinF upon
49,. u D. 10 b. expected that W. VIII 60
ahead and do something ia ths way OF
macarooi manufacturing on our own
look.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01
INDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS

Meetings-Georgia Investment Com
pany; Haupt Lodge No. 5S, l. o. o. F.;
Teutonia Lodge No. Z, X. p.
Special Notices-Savannah Building
Supply Company; Andrew Hanley Com
pany; Coupon No. @ The Chattahoochee
and Gulf Railroad Company; Dissolution
OF Copartnership. Hunter Teasdale;
Dissolution of Copartnership. P. d. Daft
fin & Son; Copartnership Notice, Adams,
Freeman, Denmark & Adams; Interest
Notice, Peoples Savings and Loan Com
pany; Interest Notice. Southern Bank Of
the State of Georgia; Interest Notice, the
Germania Bank; Interest Notice, the Citi-
zens Bank; Levans Table dHote.
Business Notices-E. G. w. Laundry.
Stoves-Wickless Blue Flame oil Stoves
Some Good Things You Want-Lindsay
a. Morgan.
Pearline-Jas. Pyle & Son. New York.
Medical-Heiskells Ointment; Castoria /;
DR.. hathaway Co.
Cheap Column Advertisements-Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent
For Sale; Lost: Personal; Miscellaneous.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01
FARM LIFE IN NORTH DAKOTA.

Some of the Western papers are print
ing an account of a dinner. given by the
wife of a North Dakota farmer to the
wives of fifteen other farmers, that is
calculated to make the wives of farmers
in most of the other states dissatisfied
with their lot in life. According to this
story the dinner consisted of nine courses,
and the floral piece on the center of
the table cost $S7. The napkins were of
the finest material and the finger bowls
were of cut glass.
After dinner the ladies in talking about
their AFFAIRS found out that eleven of
them had visited Europe and had Travelled
been to India and others of them had
Travelled in Egypt and the Holy Land. The
few who had not been so fortunate to
travel abroad had spent winters in Flor
ida and on the Atlantic coast.
1t must be admitted that for farmers
wives these ladies were more fortunate
than average mortals. Very few women
in the cities live better, see more of the
world, have more OF its comforts or its
Injuries or are moro satisfactorily placed
in life.
But the Western papers ought to let
the world know whether these fifteen
women were the wives of ordinary, every
day farmers-farmers as they are found
all over the state-or are the wives of
great wheat barons. The average far
mer in North Dakota surely does not
have the luxuries indicated by the story
of the sixteen wives. II they do, North
Dakota must be a paradise for farmers.
Notwithstanding its inhospitable climate.
Let this Western story be believed and
there win be a general movement of
farmers from all other parts OF the coun-
try to Dakota-that is. let 1t be believed
that the average North Dakota farmer
can afford dinners of nine courses, and
go to Europe every once In while.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01
THE MORNING NEWS is published

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THE MORNING NEWS, by mail, six
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THE WEEKLY NEWS, two issues
week Nfonday and Thursday, by mail.
one year. s1.oo.
Subscriptions payable in advance. Re
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letter. Currency sent by mail at risk OF
sender.
Transient advertisements. other than
special column, local or reading notices.
amusements and cheap or want column
10 cents a line. Fourteen lines OF agate
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Letters and kilograms should be ad-
dressed "MORNING NEWS" Savannah,
Ga
EASTERN OFFICE, % Park Row.
New York City, H C. Faulkner, Manager.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

Senator Hanna is a very shrewd pol
itician. but events have shown that he
is not proof against the willy confidence
man. A smooth stranger dropped In to
see him in Cleveland the other day, and
introduced himself as MIR. Bailey OF
Texas, brother OF Senator Bailey" After
few minutes conversation Mr.. Bailey
Informed the Senator that he had been
TO Buffalo and had spent more money
than he should have done. and was tempo
rarily short: would the Senator kindly
let h.m have s25 until he reached home?
The Senator did. Later he learned that
MIR. Bailey Of rcxas" had transformed
himself into MI. Wise 81 Virginia. a"
"Mr. Hogg Of Texas" and several other
persons. brothers Of celebrities Of poll
tics. and Touched" . number 81 cleye-
ianders who ohanced 70 b. a. oonAdinE
- Senator Hama.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

1t is estimated that the reduction in
war revenues to result from the taking
off of the stamp taxes, which has just
gone into effect. will amount to $4,000
600 a year. The largest reduction will
be in the matter of beer, where the
amount will be So, 100000 per annum. The
next largest figures are bank checks ST.
100000. tobacco $7OOo,OOO promissory notes
$S,6ooO0o, proprietary medicines, $3.s5OOoo,
cigars 100000 and insurance $S,00O,000.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

The Engineering and Mining journal
gives some interesting figures respecting
the gold and silver production OF the
United States curing the last calendar
year. The total on gold from mines In
this country is placed at NS,l59.674 an
increase Of SsOsS65s over the previous
year. The value Of silver produced was
Sss,576,so0, there being an increase OF o.
s3f.sss troy ounces Curing the year as com
pared with the year before. Colorado is
now the Leading gold producing state, her
output last year amounting TO t2s.7e2O 8s.
The Southern states altogether produced
$4,000 Of gold. The worlds gold prod
uct IN 1900 was S25.s24G5i. az against
ii.J6.97 Do 1879, showing q decrease OF
15.si.z1 owing 20 the diminished pro
,ction OF ne Trsnavsal mines
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

Some of the constitution builders of
Alabama seem disposed to act upon the
dcg-in-the-manger policy with respect to
railroad passes. If the lawmakers are not
to be permitted to have them, they do not
want anybody to have them. There is a
lot OF difference between issuing rail-
road pass to a man who gives value re-
ceived Of his own brains and time for it,
and TO a man who has nothing to give
save that which is the publics and does
not belong to him.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01
Grim Humor.

do you wish your missionary steak
rare or well done?" asked the most high
State Journal
What was the victims occupation in
hfe?" replied the cannibal chief, YEARLY
He was collector, your majesty" re-
sponded the chef
We'll dun" concluded the chef, who
enjoyed his own jokes hugely. The court
attendants broke into a labored guffaw,
for whoever did not laugh did not live.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

The announcement of King Edwards
coronation. to occur next June, was made
with all of the ceremony of the Middle
Ages. 1t would have been much nearer in
keeping with the spirit of the times If
the announcement had been made in the
special notice" columns of the daily
newspapers. Heralds and pursulvants and
kings-at-arms are lot Of rubbish be-
longing to an era that became ancient and
obsolete when daily newspapers and tele-
graphs came into existence
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

John Considine is a well known man in
New York and pretty much oil the rest
of the country. For some time he has
been In bad health. The doctors dag
nosed the case as consumption and told
Considine that he had not long to live.
The other day. however. the X-ray was
turned on him, and the resulting RADIO
graph showed that there was bullet
lodged back of his hung. It was shot into
him some years ago out West. Now
the doctors say that he hasn't got con-
sumption at all. but that all of his trou-
bic comes from the bullet. He is going
TO have It cut out. ana his restoration to
health Is predicted
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

Once again the old story of Mr.. Bryan's
wealth is being rehashed. The latest fg-
ure fixed upon by the guessers as the
amount of his fortune is $4,000. Sup
pose he is worth that sum. win anybody
have the hardwood to say that he did
not earn every penny of it honestly?
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

The Herald has an estimate of the
total mineral and metal output OF the
United States during the past year which
places the sum of values at 81, 1865, COS, $50,
being an increase of something more
than STAT. 100000 as compared with last
year. This includes the precious metals,
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01
The weather.

The indications for Georgia and East
ern Florida to-day are for local rains.
variable winds, mostly southerly.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

A New York alderman the other day
proposed to send 5000 men and women
from that city to Kansas to work in the
harvest fields. The offer was declined.
The superintendent of a labor bureau
in Kansas says that what is really need
ed in that state is not men laborers.
but servant girls. Most of the Kansas
girls who were formerly domestics them
selves have got married and are so
prosperous that they would like to have
domestics in their houses. The sugges-
ton is thrown out that girls who go to
Kansas as servants run a fine chance
of getting husbands and broad acres of
wheat fields: but that may be a trick
of the immigrant ton agents.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

1t is stated that in fifty years the words
and phrases of the English language set
down in the lexicon under the letter "A"
have been increased from 1000 to nearly
$1,000. The Chicago Record-Herald thinks
this may be attributed to the progress
made by women.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

DALTON. GA.

One of the most popular summer resorts
in beautiful North Georgia; fine drives;
brick hotel, hot and cold baths on each
floor; elevator, electric bells, good ta-
bles. Climate delightful. Special rates to
families. D. L. DEBTOR, Prop.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01
CURRENT COMMENT.

The New York Herald Qnd) says: ''The
further the failure OF the Seventh Ma
tional Bank is probed the more fragrant
appear the practices that caused its
downfall. If officers may kite checks,
lend the deposits to personal friends with
out proper security and wreck their banks
with impunity, what is to become of pub
lie confidence in our banking system?
There mas been altogether too much ten
derness displayed toward delinquent bank
officials in the last four years. Only the
other day President Mckinley pardoned,
after one years Imprisonment, a cashier
who was under a seven years sentence.
Mercy is all very well. but little even
handed justice is needed to protect the
public and arrest the distrust which II
unchecked would be ruinous TO business
interests.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

AT an altitude of 1000 feet. right in the
mountains
SPRINGS HOTEL, DiIIsboro, N. O.
Right on the Southern Railway. A
restful, healthful haven from the heat of
the South. Good table, good acconmoda-
tons. Finest Mineral Spring In North
Carolina. Analysis shows iron, sulphur
and nnagnesia. Communications answer
ed by letter or wire
r. II. JARRETT & Sons, Proprietors.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01
STOCKTON HOTEL,

Largest and most spacious on the coast;
every modern comfort and facility. Or
chestra, 16 pieces, billiards. tenpins.
shuff1eboards, lawn tennis, golf, magnif-
cent beach front driveway and promen-
ade three miles long. Rooms with private
baths when desired. Rates SO to $35 per
week. Special reduction for July. Write
for booklet. H. M. CAKE.
Also Hotel Normandie, Washing ton, &C.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-07-01

The Chicago Chronicle Dem.) says:
mr.. Hannas candidacy for the imperial
succession in the White House is taken
so seriously by some OF the Republican
organs that they are beginning TO worry
about his opponent. Tom johnson IS the
one man that they are afraid OF to date
and most OF them are willing to admit
that as between the two there would be
no certainty OF success for either. even
I'm ohio. Mr.. johnson would make a pow
erful Democratic candidate against Mr.
Hanna or any other man II he were for
tunate enough 20 be nominated on a
Democratic platform"
The Baltimore News CDem.) says: 1.-THE
passivity OF the Democratic masses under
Mr.. Bryan's reiterated assertion that he
IL not . candidate for the presidsntial
nomination In 1914 Il susceptible Of only
two conclusions. either they 10 not be-
Have him OF else they are heartily Rlad
Of a. u would be Interesting 90 know
which Interpretation would BE- least dls-
pieasinE 70 The Sebraaka statesman"