Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1901-10-26
F0rthe Ladies.
THE CRIME OF cELEBRACY.
Suggestions ms to Legislation Tor
Those states Which Cannot BE re-
strained From LegisIntiDg.

Those states which Cannot Be Re-
strained From LegislntiDg.
New York Tribune.
A dispatch published in these col
umns few days ago told of the meas
ures taken by the Interior Department
to promote matrimony among the In
dams Of the Ponca and Ctoe tribes. The
agents catches the men who refuse or
neglect to marry and elaps them into
jail where they stay till they realize
the fallacy of Richard Loyelace's theory
that stone walls do not prison make,
nor iron bars a cage, are are brought
TO a more reasonable frame OF MIND
with regard to their own welfare ana
desires. As the squaws seem delighted
with the arrangement, it is obviously
Just and useful one. Laws aimed
against bachelors and intended to en-
courage matrimony have more than
once been proposed In some OF the
Western assemblies given to fool leg
islation, but no decisive experiment has
ever been made. To accept a man as
a. husband not because he wants to be
her husband, but because the law says
that he must be somebody's husband
may be pleasing to a Ponca maiden,
but it does not SAVIOR OF Anglo-Saxon
spirit. ard IL such law were once
made in civilized community 1t would
be sure to meet with its strongest oppo-
sition from women.
The expression of a frantic desire for
the indiscriminate marriage OF every
body usually proceeds from married
women, and they invariably place all
the blame on the bachelors. The pro-
position that the continued celibacy of
certain persons of both sexes is entire
ly the fault of the bachelors necessarily
implies the corolary that no woman
ever refused an offer of marriage a
sCppGsition as .nsu.ting to woman
hood as the whole argument is imper-
tineEt and meddlesome. Similarly, any
law aiming to punish bachelors for be-
ing so is manifestly unjust, unless &C
companied by a law to punish spinsters
for refusing any offer of marriage.
The danger in the present action of
the Interior Department is that IT, will
be initiated by some of the aforesaid
makers of fool legislation. No law
could be si1iier, but no law is too silly
for the Western fool legislature, and,
therefore. a suggestion is here offered
Tor making such law as little unjust
propose such a law for a civilized State
could possibly know enough to draw a
bill. A model for such bill is there
fore, offered:
An Act tn Make Everybody Happy.
Be it enacted by the Senate and Gen.
eral Assembly OF the Staee of -.
Section l. Eevery bachelor more
than twenty-five years old shall be
guilty of a misdemeanor and shall be
confined at hard labor until he shall
produce evidence of bona fide, mar
Viage engagement an1 shall declare his
intention Of fulfilling the same forth
with.
Sec. 2. Any spinster who shall de-
cline any offer OF marriage shall be
guilty of a misdemeanor and shall be
subject TO the same punishment as pro-
vided for the bacheor in Section /.
Sec. g. In order that the criminal
classes shall have opportunities for re-
form, any prisoner convicted under this
act shall be permitted to attend any
social gathering, accompanied by a
deputy sheriff. Social assemblies shall
also be held in every prison or Jail, I'M
der the direction of the warden. at least
three times week, and at these all
prisoners shall be present, and the
warden shall invite such spinsters from
outside the prison or jail as he shall see
fit. Any spinster who shall receive
such an invitation and shall fail to be
present shall be guilty of contempt of
court.
Sec. 4. To Offset any prejudice
against marrying a convict the stale
treasurer shall pay from the funds in
the treasury not otherwise appropriat-
ed to every couple contracting a mar
riage, either one of whom shall be a
convict, the sum of 81, and to every
couple both of whom shall be convicts
the sum of 81.
Sec. 5. The prison commissioners
shall have power to condemn and use
as jails any or all hotels and private
dwelling houses
This law is calculated to cause I'M
told misery, but it is thorough, and, il
enforced, would accomplish just what
so many persons of undoubtedly good
intentions seem DESTROYS to accomplish.
There are no other good intentions
in the world so we'll calculated TO make
firm and solid pavements as those
which are rife on this subject.