davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03

nv GEORGE AIDE.
The Modern Fable of the Wise Piker
Who Had the Kind OF Talk That
Went

Copyrighted, 1901. by Robert Howard
Russell.)
Once there was a man who wore a
Six and three-Quarters Hat and had
been so busy staving OF the People
who needed it right away because they
had some Bills to meet, that he never
found time to sit down and absorb
Culture. Yet he had to go out and
meet those who wore Specs and had
these high Mansard Foreheads. Some
times he found himself in the Front
Room where every one was expected
to discuss Literature, Art, Music and
the Difficulty of getting good Kitchen
Help.
This Man was a Pin-Head in a good
many Respects, but he was as Wise as
a Serpent. A man does not have TO be
stocked up with Information in order
to be Wise. This Man was what Ed
mund Clarence Stedman would call a
Piker. A Piker is one who gets into
the Game on Small Capital and Lets
On to be holding back a huge Reserve.
A Piker is usually Safe when he saga
ltdt6S dIuOuS the VSll-breQ cause
they are too Polite to call a Bluff.
A Piker always has his entire Stock
of Goods in the Show Window.
When it came TO Music, the Piker
did net know the difference between a
Fugue and a Cantata. Such knowledge
of Literature as he could boast was
picked up by reading the Posters in
nont of Bookstores. The average
Katg-Did had about as much Art Edu-
cation as he could have Spread if it
had come to a Showdown, but he
never allowed it to come. He had
about as much Business in an AS
semblage of cultivated -Chautauquans
as a man with a ragged 81 Bill would
have in Wall Street. Yet he managed
to cut a Figure Eight over the Thin Ice
and he had the name of being n of
the Brainiest Gentlemen that ever
accepted an invitation to the Evening
Session OF the Olympian Circle of
Hens.
The Piker knew the Value of the
Stock Phrase. And the way he could
raise a Dust and dodge out of a Tight
Place was a little Bit of All Right.
One evening the Piker went 50 call
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03

There is a rod in pickle for the Fill
ipinos, which they will feel when the
new government for the archipelago
especially framed for the occasion gets
into smooth working order. Under 1t
the ruling power will be untrammelled,
while the Philippines will be absolutely
without any guarantees of liberty or
freedom.
This is best shown in the amend
ments which the Senate has voted
down on the army bill making the
President the absolute personal ruler
of the Philippines.
The first amendment killed was one
Offered by Mr.. Vest providing that the
action Of this government or its Off
Gals in the Philippines shall be sub
ject TO the Constitution and laws of
the United States SO far as they are
applicable.
The second to be voted down was
the Bacon amendment limiting the
grant of power to March /, 1894.
The third to be rejected vas the
Pettus amendment providing that
every person in whom authority is
vested under this grant of power shall
take an cath to support the Constitu-
ticn of the United Stares.
The fnurth tn he similarly knocked
in the head was the Teller amendment
to forbid cruel treatment of the natives
under the powers of an autocratic gov
ernment.
The fifth to be rejected was the Hoar
amendment providing that no official
OF the Philippines vested with legisla-
tive power should exercise judicial or
executive power, and vice versa, TO
the end that the government might be
one of law, not men,"
1t is thus seen that the Constitution
of the United States is not for the
Philippines, o is any kind, of consti-
tutional limitation to be put on the
ruling power. The fundamental prin-
ciples OF personal liberty are not for
the Filipinos.
The islanders would be doubly in
rebellion if they knew what was in
store for them. Spanish rule offered
them no less.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03

on Mrs. Hester Kazum, author of many
unpublished Poems, and the boss Diana
of the Tuft-Hunters. At the Kazam
Home, which is rugged up with Red
Blankets and Green lamps SO as to be
Oriental, he bumped into Henrietta
Haw, who will be remembered as the
Young Lady who poured at the After
noon Reception to f. Hopkinson Smith.
Miss Haw reclined at half length in
the Turkish Corner and asked the
Piker what he thought of Sienkiewicz.
The Piker knew that he had heard that
name sprung somewhere before, but il
he had tried ITO Pronounce it, he would
have gone to the Floor. He didn't
know whether Sienkiewicz WAS the
author of Lovers Once but Strangers
Now or The Gentleman from Ar
kansaw." However, he was not to be
Feazed. He knew the kind of CONVEX
sational Parsley that is needed to Gar
nish a full-blown intellectual Vacuum,
and he passed some of it to Henrietta.
He said he liked Sienk, so far as the
Psychological Analysis was concerned,
but it sometimes occurred to him that
there was a lack of Insight and Broad
Artistic Grasp.
That is the Style of Vapor calculat-
ed to keep a Young Woman anchored
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03

and the Atmosphere of Mysticism,
whatever that was. He said he
couldn't listen to Vogner without go
ing into a Cold Sweat and Chewing
the Buttons off his Gloves, particular
ly if the Interpretation was maze with
a Board and Comprehensive Virtuosl-
ty and such Mastery of Technique as
to abolish all suggestion of the Inter
mediary and bring one in direct Com
munlon with the Soul-Moods.
Then the TALL Man would know
just as much about it as the Piker
did.
Among the Acquaintance was a
Lady named Wigley who was Crazy
about Art. In her Parlor she had one
OF her own Works entitled Sunset on
the little Mama River with a
Frame that cost $4,000. 1t was Miss
Nlgley who read the Paper before the
Raphael ~Suburbanssas. setting forth
that the Highest Effects could no he
obtained by the Use Of ss,avon she
loved to hear the PiRer eut loose
about Art. Even when he got iii <ser
his Head, she was right there swim
ming along after him and taking
Chances.
Mrs. Wigley was stuck on his Con-
v~ersation because -.e said SO many
things that could be Thought About
later on. Nearly every one who heard
him ven Home and Thought about
what he had said and Wondered what
he had been Driving it.
Mrs. Wigley had a Theory that an
Artist who is any Good at all should
be able to suggest through the Medium
Colors all that he or she felt and suf-
fered during the Throes of Execution.
SO she called in the Piker to size up
her Picture of the Little Mama River
at Shutdown and asked him what Emo
ton, if any, was stirred up within him
as he gazed at the Effort. The Piker
said it gave him a touch of Sadness.
Then she knew he was a real Critic
all right.
The Piker kept it UP until after
awhile he began to think that possi-
bly, he was something of a Sassy Sa-
want. He was elected Director of a
Museum and was invited TO sit on the
Platform at Lectures. And at last he
departed this Life, with only a few
Relatives and Intimate Friends being
IN to him.
MORAL: For Parlor Use the Vague
Generality is a Life-Sayer.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03

DR.. Ramage, of Cleveland, who is a
Heidelberg University man, and a
doctor of chemistry" after the Ger
man fashion. has a consumption cure,
which is said to have cured his little
daughter, who was all but dead of the
disease. This is the formula of DIR.
Ramage's discovery:
The medicinal principle of eucalyptus oil
made from the eucalyptus tree of Aus
tralia is cineol. Oxydizing eucalyptus oil
by means of ozone forms dense white
fumes of camphoris peroxide, a, new com
pound, which has remarkable curative
properties.
Whether there is anything more in
this han in the many consumption
cures that have attracted attention dur
ing the past century practice alone can
demonstrate. Anything that promises
a cure for this dread disease is worth
trying.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03

CURRENT pOETRY.
LOVE TRIUMPHANT.

Cheeks, like apple blossoms, fade,
And peeping dimples pass;
They vanish as the Willows shade
Upon the rivers glass. Is.
l love their beauty Sweet, but oh.
They bind me not to thee;
The loyal heart that beats below
Hath won the love of me.
Golden tresses wane. to white
That shames the falling snow;
The shining mesh that snares the sight,
Its grace is fleet to go.
Yet still | stroke it's strand of gold
so rare and bright to-day
But. oh, the love thy heart doth hold
viii make me glad for aye.
Eyes of azure years must dim,
AS morning doth the moor
And feeble wax thy feet-how SLIM
Time raves their lightness soon.
Yet mine eye, failing, too, will give
To thee the charms of yore.
And in my heart thou yet wilt live
Still peerless
Alinturn Peck, in the Boston
Transcript.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03
ABOUT ROSES.

Half a century ago the camellia was our
~favorite flower. We willingly paid a dol
lar apiece for a handful of them, while
roses went begging. Philadelphia raised
them by the millions. and sold them to
New York florists at $500 a thousand. To-
day the camellia is about as popular as a
tare in a wheat field, while the rose is
queen of all she surveys. The american
Beauty, queen of queens, has sold for as
much as $500 a hundred. Strange to tell,
it is not an American rose at all, but an
importation. A quarter century ago the
popular roses were the Bon Silene and
the S~afrano, selling fof about SIS q nun
bred, but they are nearly forgotten now.
In 1895 the Bon Silene could be bought for
81 a hundred, while the Safrano was not
ever in the market. Great things were
expected of the Belle Siebrecht and the
Mrs. Pierpont Morgan, the latter being a
sport from Nine. Cusin. Both came out
about five years ago. I understand that
it requires about five years to thoroughly
establish q rose in favor.
A sport among roses is a sudden and
unaccountable variation from the normal
type. and while usually of a transient
character. may, by extreme care and pa
tience be perpetuated. 1t is really a freak
of nature. The once popular Sunset rose
is a sport from the Perle des Jardins:
the favorite for many years. The Bride, is
a sport" from the Catherine Mermet;
The Bridesmaid, also a sport from the
Catherine Mermet, and the Mrs. Pierpont
Morgan a sport from the Nine. Cusin.
The rose is our New oYrk State flower.
being chosen by a tremendous majority
of voting school children.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03
THE JERICHO POSTOFFICE.
Pap Perkins, Postmaster, Tells About
IA Wave of DISSOLUTION.

Copyright, 1901. by c. h. Lewis
Moses Carter is ginerally the fust
man to show mp in the postofice after
supper, and he proceeds to light his
pipe and roost on the same barrel he's
occupied for the last is years. lie has
about five minutes to wait before Jmba
Jones comes in. Juba saunters back
to the postoffice department and takes
a squint at all the boxes to see who's
got a letter and then goes back to
Moses and says:
Look a-here, Moses Carter. dye
know that this kentry is goin to ruin
as fast as a boss kin g~allop?"
I do says Moses. I've bin thin
kin things over fur the last four weeks
and long about 4 o'clock this after
noo l made up my mind that the
United States was in a mighty tight
place"
I'm a-lookin fur a panic that will
bust up every business man in this
kentry," says Juba, with a good deal
of complacency.
"Follered by yaller fever, the chol-
era and smallpox" adds Moses as he
slaps his leg.
BY that time Joab Warner shows up.
He keerlessiy inquiries If clothespins
hev come down and beeswax gone up
and then says TO Moses and Juba:
by gum. but / didn't know whether
I'd find the postofice here or not.
see it's here. but I wouldn't guarantee
that even a brick Of the town OF
Jericho could be found week from
to-day. tell you, boys. this kentry
Is goin to be swept By SIGH a wave OF
~dezolashun a. no liyin man ever heard
Of"
"She is. Joab." says Moses.
Cant wriggie out Of IT" adds Juba.
yes. sir" continues Joab as he
spreads out his hands. ..thar's goin to
be a downfall. SIGH a downfall as NOR
tai man never dreamed of. was tell
ing Hannah before I left the house
that she'd better hold on fur a month
shout gittin a new par OF shoes In
four weeks from now she'll either be
in heaven or fine price OF shoes will be
down TO 50 cents : pair. The 1nptry
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03


right in the Turkish Corner and make
her believe she has met the Really and
Truly Gazip.
The Piker unreeled a little more of
the same kind. He said that the Elab-
Grafton Of Incident showed a certain
Modieum of Skill, but there was not
enough Plus-Human sympathy in the
Coloring of the Subtle Motives When
the Piker got rid OF this he was always
Relieved. for it is an Awful Thing 10
Memorize and carry around with you.
Afterward Miss Haw went put and
told her Girl Friends that the Piker
was Terrible Deep.
When they brought mp Music. that
was where the Piker lived He could
get in early and stay late, and never
Trip himself up. He had attended a
coupla az Concerts and ct one time
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03

seems to be prosperous. but that only
adds to the danger. I'm telIin you.
Moses Carter, and I'm telIin you. Tuba
Jones, that we are standin ON the brink
OF a yawnin chasm, and that chasm
yawns and yearns to take us in
She do" says Moses.
"She do adds Juba.
Joab is DRAWN a long breath and
gittin ready for some more of the same
kind when Deacon Spooner in.
II N. Q. molasses had gone up or
down a cent a gallon. he stops to post
me and then passes on to the fellers
around the stove and rattles on a BARI
With his cane and says:
Didn't ] predict it? Hewitt I bin
sayin so every day since 1857? Folks
hey called me a fool and sneered at
me, but we'll see who'll come out on
top. I didn't know whether I'd better
come out to-nig7& or not, but l finally
thought I'd chance it. Whar Wen all
be to-morror night at this time heaven
only knows. l s'pose o boys hev
read the New York papers today.
The three of 'em nod serrowfully
and solemnly, and the deacon labs at
the stoyepipe with his cane and
shouts:
Wool dropped a cent and a half q
pound and field beans gone down 5
cents a bushel. It's the beginning of
the end. Moses Carter. you've known
me fur 80 years. Juba Jones. I've
bought butter of you ever since I was
married, and, Joab Warner. me'n you
u a sawmill together when this
county IA overrun with wolves and
bars. l want to know If any one of
you even took me fur an alarmist?"
Il never did. deacon" answers the
three together.
I'm glad to hear you say so, I'm
not an alarmist. though I've bin called
one simply because 1 kin see a foot
from my nose. Since the yer 1857 I've
bin predictin that this kentry was run
on wrong principles, and that she'd
got to make a change or bust. She
would not change, and the bust has
come. Before midnight tonight you'll
hear the crash of dustin banks, fac
tories and stores from Maine TO Cali
fornia, and when you git up in the
mornin the scene OF desolashun will
bring tears of blood. What is to be-
come of us no man kin say, They
called me an alarmist and sneered at
me, but who was right and who was
wrong?"
The three listeners are noddin their
heads to let the deacon know they are
on his side when in comes Lish Bill
slings. It's easy to be seen that he's got
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03
A WAVE.

The ocean is q vast thing of infinite
variety and full of strange surprises.
Those who know it best both love and
fear it most. They love it's grand
beauties. but they know its perils and
dread its %treachery.
The passengers and crew of the great
ocean liner Teutonic, which has ar
rived in New York one day late from
Liverpool, were treated to one of Nep-
tunes surprises last Sunday. 1t was
after a little storm The morning was
fright and sunny and the weather had
moderated. The big steamer was
p~loughing along st a good clip, spray
ow and then daehing over her bow,
but the sky clear and the sea moderate.
All. at once those below were hurled
About and terrific by a mighty crash.
The great ship Sh.vered and rocked as
ii in collision. The deck was swept
and steel and iron ~fastenings were
visited and snapped like twigs. A
mighty wave had risen up as high over
the ship as its lookout cage, fifty-seven
feet above the deck, without amoment's
warning and dashed over it. Accord
ing 10 witnesses on deck, the vessels
bow seemed sudds My to sink in the
water, while rose ~squarely across the
bow a mighty blue wall capped with
white, which broke with crashing force.
1t rolled the vessels length, then the
ship righted and sailed on Is placidly
as on a summer sea.
No tar has - yet explained The mys-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03

|nu1rded M : Lady NO played the
AutohazD
One Evening when he vas out with
Z few People who were such Thorough
Musicians that they seemed Sour
about something all the time, a Tall
Man with. q Low Collar asked him If
he had heard that latest Thing by
Tschaikowsky.
If he had made it Charles X. Har-
ris, the Piker might have been with
him. But he never turned a Hair.
Impressive. isn't it?s he said, hav-
ing learned how to Spar Tor Wind,
without leaving an Opening.
Yes. but it didn't get into me the
way Vogner does.n replied the Tall
Party.
This was the Cue for the Piker to
insert his Speech on Vogner.
He said he preferred Vogner any
day in the Week on account of the dis
tinct Appeal to the Intellectual Side
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03
ON THE WAY.

The good time is c~oming-the shadows
still lead
To the light of the beautiful day;
The great golden harvests are waiting
the seed,
And joys not a dream far away.
The good time is coming-be sure that the
light
Will brighten the valleys of gloom;
Then kiss hands to sorruw-goodnight
and goodnight,
And welcome the beauty and bloom,
Frank L. Stanton.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03
INDICATED SUICIDE.

MACON, Ga, March 2.-Solicitor
General Hope Polhill, of this circuit
most prominent men of the State, was
found dead in his room at the court
house to-day. A bullet wound was
found in his head. The shot had pene-
trated the brain. All the gas in the
room was turned on. Indicating suicide.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03
NEGRO N LYNcHED.

CAMDEN, Mo-, March dewey
Smith, a negro miner who yesterday
shot and killed Chester Stanley, a
white miner, at Mine No. 1. four miles
south of Richmond, Mo-, was captured
by a mob late last night. He wa
taken back to the scene Of his crime
and lynchAr-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03

Mr.. Carnegie, now ohicially declared
by Mr.. Morgan to be the richest man
in the world, would better be hustling
If he expects to escape dying disgraced.
BY the way, there are doc
tors anxious to relieve Mr.. Carnegie
of the af1iction that threatens him.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03
NO NATTER /.

No matter for the weather, the skies, my
dear, are bright,
The sun still smiles Good-morning, the
golden stars Goodnight.
Your steps are in the meadows-the rose
knows not the rue.
And the angels from the windows are
a-kissin' hands to YOU!
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03
REGISTER AGENCIES.

WHERE .trHE REGISTER CAN BE
PURCHASED OUT OF TOWN:
CHARLESTON, W. Va. = richardson's
Book Store, Capitol Street, opposite
postofgice. Hotel Ruffner News Stand
WASHINGTON, d. c.. - Queen News
Stand. National Hotel.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03

The late William NJ. Evarts had
lived so long in complete retirement
that to many his death only served to
recall the fact that the once famous
statesman had moi died long ago.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03

Mr.. Carnegie isn't the only Scotch
thing the billion trust has affected. 1t
is charged with knocking the bottom
out of Scotch pig IRON prices.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03

Quay's ripper bill throws 5000 anti
Quay men out of office in PittSburg and
Allegheny. The Pennsylvania boss
knows how to handle his enemies.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03

Spring comes in with damp feet and
q stuffy cold in her head.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-03-03
3btfIia9 8<sistfr


E2WE +r
DELIVERED By CARRIERS.
r,at,x, I maa, "a he Maid weekly. 10c
narss 49, nnnh 44c
Daily and Sunday, per week.-.... cec
Daily and Sunday, per mohtn.... -
Daily. single copy, &c; Sundayt.". ~
weekly
DAHL AND SUNDAY. BY MAIL.
Postage Prepaid.
Daily, incl. Sunday, per year...-....$e "a ~
Daily, incl. Sunday, six montns.-....- ~
Daily, incl. Sunday, one montn......" ~
Daily, six days a week, one year,. 9 ~
I1a;i,' shraa ,aonths / so
Taiiy ! dasys ! ,veal, ner year........ 3 90
Daily, 2 lays a week, per year...--.. oy
cnr5v anlrror wear 2 60
Sunday onlv, for six months......-... ~
Weekly, per year. in ance..:.....-. iW
Stamps of the denomination OF two cents
and less accepted for amounts less IMAM
one dollar.
CORRESPONDENCE containing important
news solicited from every part of the sur
rounding country.
Rejected communications will not be re.
turned unless accompanied by sufficient
postage.
Tributes of Respect and Obituary NO
tees, Ave cents per line.
THE REGISTER. embracing its several
editions, is entered at tae Postof1ice AT
Wheeling, w. Va, as secc1d-ciass ma1er.
-Z
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1901-11-30
MUSTN'T STEAL SHIRTS.

DRIGADIER GENERAL RANDALL approved the
Il findings of a eourtmartial which sentenced a man
to serve year IN prison for stealing shirt from
a fellow-soldier in the Philippines General Randall
didn't like to approve the sentence; few of would
But his reasons decidedly different from those
which would actuate most men. Randall didn't like
the sentence because it didn't include hard labor dur
ing the prisoners term.
Come to think about ii, the fellow should have
been given life Imprisonment. Think of his heinous
devshness in stealing a shirt from eomradel May
be it was the only shirt the other fellow had. and IN
an arctic country like the Philippines shirt is a
shirt The garment probably much 20 cents.
too Really the defendant was lucky to escape hang
ing
Such depravty must be suppressed at any cost
We tremble to think what General Randall would have
done if the man had feloDiousy distracted section OF
paper of pins or chew of tobacco. Fortunately for
the morale of the army as we'll for himself, his
depredations did not go to such unheard OF lengths
Nothing less than burning at the stake would have
satisfied Randall under such circumstances.
His action recalls the story of the old farmer who
was told by his wife that the boys stealing cher
res from a tree down by the roadside We are re-
minded of it because Randall is different from
the farmer This agriculturist announced when he
heard of the depredatOns that he was going down to
that tree with big switch. "And Marthy," ne SAID
the first boy that comes along who doesn't steal few
cherries Is going to get an almighty good licking
By the way, was any army officer indignant be-
cause the sentence of Captain ObeTin M Carter who
stole something Ike 100000, didn't contain hard
labor specification