The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-29
A CLERGYMAN's CALLERS.
Queer Things They Want and queer
Stories They Tell

Stories They Tell.
City Clergyman in the Independent.
There is one phase of the life of a
city clergyman as little known among
the laity as it is well known among
members of the professions; that is
the way in which his time is taken
up by calls made on him. at his home
between Sundays. 1 happen to min
lister to one of the so-called wealthy
city churches" and of such calls I have
had my share. During the past year
1 have kept, partly for my own amuse-
ment, partly for the purpose Of COM
posing this article, a record of the
names and errands of the persons who
have rung my door bell; there have
been just seven hundred of them, they
consumed two hundred hours of time,
and their requests for money total up
a million dollars.
OF these persons there were three
classes; it is only of the third 1 wish
to write. First, there were, about a
hundred members of my congregation,
upon errands strictly personal. Moth
ing must be said of these; they are
the 10y and crown of rejoicing of a
pastors life. Some of their stories in
volved the deepest tragedies of life,
but vulgar would he be indeed who
could portray such things for public
scrutiny. Secondly, there were a hum
dred calls for help from worthy per-
sons in real need. Nothing may be
said of these, either; they are the kind
of poor that I'VE have always with
you" some were worthy and many
were helped. But the remaining five
hundred were total strangers.
OF such strangers, in turn, there are
two classes: First, roughly speaking,
those who are freaks, and, secondly,
those who are frauds. One group COM
prises persons who are honest enough,
but who are for some reason and on
some one subject deluded-queer; the
other group, persons who are dishon-
est-bad: these try by one method or
another to impose on charitable peo-
pie through the medium of clergymen
who act as agents for those people in
the distribution of their aims.
Chief among the first group
come those queer requests for
information or advice. For ex-
ample: There was one man
just out of the Orthopedic Hospital
who wanted to know if 1 knew where
he could hire a cork foot. There was a
man, evidently insane, who carried
what he assured me was a valid bill
for two million dollars against Mr..
Carnegie for wages % and wanted to
know how he could employ a lawyer.
Another man came in a matter of fact
way to ask If 1 thought $50 might be
offered as a bride to the trustees of an
adjoining church to get for him the
position of sexton. But perhaps the
Strangest case of all was that of a
one-legged man, wearing one shoe, who
came to me to ask If l knew any other
one-legged man to whom he could sell
now and then his unused shoe.
Again, there are those persons with
requests for money for queer uses.
For example: A woman once wanted to
borrow IS, which sum she assured me
was sufficient to stock and equip a
candy store, the income from which
would support herself and three chill
dren. There was a man who had long
been out Of work who wanted to Dor
row 81 with which to buy a stock of
tin horns to sell on the street at profit
on the night following election day.
Put here, again, perhaps the strangest
case was that of man who came to
tell me that as a book agent. he had
been canvassinE for orders for the
Bible. Not having met with success, he
explained that the reason was that
"the Bible was played OUT" he there
fore wanted to borrow quarter to in
vest in some sort of a sample mouse
trap, the need for which he thought
would be abiding. permanent. perpet-
ual and perennially recurring"
Still again, there are those persons
with queer schemes. Chief among these
are authors and patentees. The first
wish to have books printed and must
have money to deposit with the pub
Usher. OF these the name is
legion and the titles of the books
range through a field as wide as do
the merits of their contents. One wo-
man bore the manuscript OF a volume
which she assured me would take the
town by storm of which the title was
TO be THE Church OF the Three
Thousandth Century" She tried to
bargain with me by Offering. on condi-
ton that l lend her money, TO make
out OF me the Gay Young Parson" in
the story. A man approached me one
day with a proposition 10 sell out the
copyright OF a newly discovered recipe
for the elixir OF life" The poor old
fellow looked 80 forlorn that / gave
him s. and sent him on. He left be-