Junction City bulletin. [volume] (Junction City, Or.) 189?-1901, 1901-03-21

Life.
HE has very breezy manner, don't
you thinky "Well, yes, II you refer to
the delight he takes In airing his
views" Philadelphia Press.
Il suppose you'll be telling people
that I'm fool" mo. dear. There are
some things we must keep to our
selves. Chicago Daily News.
A possible explanation: Il wonder
why the Struts didn't invite us TO their
daughters weddlngT" Maybe they
didn't want us."-Chicago Record.
Jack-Don't you think that woman.
as rule, prefers man who Is her
master? Ethel-Not at all. She pre-
fers one who thinks he is.-The Smart
Set.
Its mystery how all these wars
are kept up" What do you mean"
why, so many men quit and come
home to lecture about them."-Chicago
Record.
Hodd-Hang 1t all! Do you suppose
I'll ever make good golf-player? Todd
pityinglyl-Never. old mau. You think
too much of your family and your bus
lness.-Harper's Bazaar.
The Soubrette-But how old she
looks. The Leading Woman Don't all
actresses look old. my dear? The Sou
brette-No; most actresses look young
and tagged OUT this one looks old and
ell-preseryed.-N York Sun.
Lady Whose mare has just kicked Il
member of the hunt, who was follow
ing too clOSelyl-0h. I'm SO sorry. do
hope 1t didn't hurt you! She's such n
gentle thing, and could only have done
it in the merest play, you know
Punch.
why did that young man leave so
suddenly" asked Maud. 1T was my
fault" answered Mamie; Il thought
Iessly got to talking about the beauti-
full autumn haze by the river. forgot
he was West Point cadet. Wash.
ngton Star.
His life a failure: Yes, consider
my life failure" "Oh, Henry. how
sad. Why should you say thatT" Il
spend all my time making money
enough to buy food and clothes. and the
food dlsagrees with me and my clothes
don't fit."-Life.
Peddler-.Wouldn't you like some mot
b. 81. Itfg
cheering to n husband to see nice
motto on the wall when he comes home.
Mrs. De Jagg-You might sell me one
il you've got one that says. Better
Late than Never"
Thwarted ambition: Hello Boom
erleigh! | thought you were holding
down a seat III the Senate Mt Washing
ton" "No; had a streak of bad luck"
"How's thatT' Just as got my legis-
.ators rounded up for the final vote, my
oank failed" d."-Bryan's Comoner.
Mother Coming swIftlyl-Why, Will
ie. Striking your little sister! Willie
,dOggedlyD-Auntie made me. Maiden
Aunt Why, Willie! | said If you did
strike her would never kiss you again.
Willie (still dOggedly)-Well, couldn't
let no chance like that slip.-Tit-Bits.
A Jersey farmer visiting New York
stood looking at a sign In bookstore
window: dickens Works All This
Week for Two Dollars" "Wal," he re-
marked, my 'pinion is that that Dick
ems feller Is either mighty poor work
man or else he's confOunded hard up
for jOb."-Boston Courier.
Testing the theory: Mr.. Kerrigan-
Kape shtill foive minutes, for the love
av hivn! Mrs. Kerrigan (siX children,
crying and fighting)-Phat fer? Mr..
Kerrigan-Oi want to give this moind-
cure book a fair trial. OF want to see
can Oi convince mesilf thot there is no
sech thing ez matrimony!-Puck.
johnny" said the little fellows
mamma, II want to give you piece Of
cake, but l can't find the key to the
pantry" That's all right mamma"
replied bright little Johnny; Il know
how to get it without key" "That's
all | want to know" she said, as she
reached for the slipper-Boston Cour.
Ter.
What are you doing" asked one OF
his friends who had happened in. Il
am writing my resignation" replied the
professor of something or other in the
proprietary university. What are you
doing that for" Because am going
to make speech this evening in which
I shall probably express an independ.
ent opinion. n."-Chicago Tribune.
"Take my seat, madam" She took
1t. About ten minutes later she re.
marked: 'Thank you, sir I would
have said 1t sooner, but the last man
thanked for giving me his seat ina crowd.
o1 Io1 Ian l. mt