Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1901-08-24

day. -Phiiadelphia Times.
Tell me. dear, how the Wapgton
have furnished their new house.
"eil' l oidnt see thing in it tina
cost less than hundred dollars, but |
struck me that if they had studie
the matter closer they might have go
good deal more money into the sam
space. Life.
| PURELY PRACTICAL DO yov
think mat European nobleman will al
ways be so devoted to the heiress h
has just married."
1t seems probable answered Mis-
Cayenne. You know her real estate
will increase in value with the lapse o
time. "-Washington Star.
II thought you were working OF
FRANKS new house" said the hOus,
painters friend. Il was going to- re.
piled the house painter but | had a
| quarrel with him. and he said he'd put
| the paint on himself" And did he dc
| it?" Yes, that is where he put most OF
it,"
"A CONSERVATIVE Miss
Highstep: "Scuse nah bluntness. Hon
1
| ly man." Mrs Washington: Wa-al.
preferred hOmely husband dat would
stay at HON can wiring nah clothes
RAIDER dan a handsome niger dat
would kite aroun' an wiring nah
heart"
| OUERY-Elsie-"M Mamma. there's Il
funny old man in this Pickwick book
that's always telling his son to beware
of the widows. Why is that" Mann
maxwell. a widow is supposed to be
skiful in catching husband. Elsie
| "GraciOus, | wonder if I'll have to be
| widow before l can get married. -
Philadelphia Press.
Dunderhcd-'I say. Barton. who was
| that funny looking old lady | saw you
| with at the concert last evening""
| Barton-"That funny old lady was my
wife" Dunderhed-"Oh. | don't mean
the one with the brown bonnet on:
but that absurd creature with the snub
nose and crooked eyes" Barton-"Oh.
you mean my sister.'-Boston Trans
Cript.
Husband tgonS to his rich uncle $
funeraD-"Put a couple of large hand
kerchiefs into my pocket. dear. The
old gentleman promised to leave me
Gl1.000. and | shall want 10 shed some
appropriate tears" Wife-"But sup
pose when the will is read you find he
hasn't left you anything" Husband
I'm that case you had better put in
three. Tit Bits.
WOULD THEY WERE. Mr. Bill
Stopay-Have you ever made a return
call on Mrs. Swelman?
Mrs. Bill Stopay-Certainly not.
Don't you know it isn't fashionable to
make return calls?
Mr.. Bill Stopay-Gce whiz. I wish all
bill collectors were fashionable. Cath
Ole Standard and Times.
SADDEST STORY. The tramp DE
tween mouthfuls)II wuz wunst a
wealthy married man. mum, but | am
pennileSs now.
Kind Lady-You poor. unfortunate
man. Why didn't you put your for
tune in your wife's name?
The Tramp did-an' she learned
ter play bridge whist.-Puck.
EXCUSED. Lawyer-Do you know
anything about this mans private life?
Witness No. sir.
But haven't you been associated
with him in business
Not in the way you mean. l was
one of the directors in the bank or
which he was teller."-Detroit Free
Press.
HE ESTABLISHED AN ALL
FL. sunday School Superintendent
Who led the children of lsreal into
Canaan? Will one of the smaiier
boys answer?
(Eo reply)
Can no one tell? Little boy on that
seat next to the aisle. Wholed hechii-
dren of Isreal into Canaan?
Little Boy (badly frightened)-lt
wasn't me. II just moved yere last
| week from NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
IN INSTRUMENTS.
ua-I cot that dressmakec's bill of
yours. today, and I paid 1t. II was nNe
hundred dollars and took every cent | hau.
She-How good of her. Oh. toid h ei
Ia divide the bill into four quarters an"
send YOU one at time-Lile.
AN OPENING.
younr Milyunne has 50 much money
he doesn't know what to do Win ~.
WHY doesn't he go into politics ?-ohio
State Journal.
SEE THAT HUMP.
First ,ncnaccrie keeper-Whats Wr"ns
second menaEere kecper-i>eep una
curtain down until | get the sacred COW
humn on straight.-Ohio state Journal
THE WORLDS WAY.
remember that man, said the "pscr
y,rt waiter when his income couidn
have been more than $1,000 year. ne
must h, making at least $1o."D now.
Is that so? , ,
No doubt OF it. He used to give me q
| "A cont lin. and now he only gives me
lnickcI-Catholic Standard and Times
AN ENDLESS CHAIN.
Mrs C;abbie-Mrs Upton has two ser
vants in her house now. | understand.
Mrs Hiram Offen-Thats nothlnS' We
| invariably have two in our mouse. on
going and the other coming.-Cathohc
| standard and Times.
IN BOSTON.
| E,,derIv Lady-Was that your sister i
e,w Won with yesterday Johnny!
Johnny taged 6)-Do ! look IKE iei-
low who'd waste time on his sisters-bos
ton Transcript
A FASHION NOTE.
| She-I see buckles are coming III sly i
again.
Yachting parties.-Yonkers Statesman
sHREWD FELLOW.
| Swiggers-That man hliitime Is
shrewd fellow.
| Swaggers-Why?
| Swiroers-He gave lawn moving