Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1901-07-26
SARCASM IN SIGNS.
ADVERTISEMENTS THAT AT TIMES
BECOME A MOCKERY.

"Reminiscences of Men Who Had
Seen Worse Days and IRRITATING
Announcements When They Were
Hard Up and out of Employment.
The advance agent met the leading
man Of another show the other night
and, us they had not seen each other IN
seven years. there was n warmness
about their greeting that twas refresh
ing.
Dear old Tomp said the lending
man. II was thinking ofyou not five
minutes ago. Sit down, you dear old
fellow! Iaassed n bakery not five min.
utes ago, and thought Of you. Why,
here's Whilst was just saying to
Tom that 1 never sec n bakers that ]
don't think of him. Tom and were
poor once. Mighty poor too. / re.
member Ihut we had been turned out
of different homes on the same cold
night and met each other for the first
time by chance. We shared the com
forts of a butchers wagon that night
and went upon a rummaging eXpcdi-
ton the next day. We halted in front
OF n German bakery. half starved and
disgusted with life generally There
was n huge sign in the window which
said, There Is No Cake Like Ours We
hadn't a penny between us, but Tom
stepped IN and asked for n sample OF
the cake. The Dutchman didn't APP
preciate the humor OF the request, so
Tom said. You may keep your cake.
boss; but, say, give me a chunk of
bread, quick. or I'll cut out your giz-
gard I'LL never forget that cake sign
because 1t took MS hours to get away
from the police who were attracted to
the scenecby the bakers cries for help"
But that was not my only expert
ence with n peculiar sign remarked
the advance agent after a hearty laugh.
THE year before went on the road
for the first time l was in as hard luck
as ever man was. ! had pawned ev-
erything in sight and was almost starry
ed. l found an umbrella in the hall
way Of a down town building, and the
janitOr told me to keep It. 1t was
fairly good rain shield, and / immedi-
ately carried it TO mine uncle. l didn't
know this particular relative, although
I. had formed the acquaintance of hun
dreds of his people. His place was on
Sixth avenue. and he gave me 10 cents
on it, which I gladly accepted AS he
was making out the ticket he said
Do you want to save 1t from the
mothsT
Yes answered.
That will cost you II cents. Per
haps you would like TO have II Insured?
1t is always advisable, but it will cost
you y cents more replied my frieLd
All right / said. Take good care
of it. lie could have eaten II for all
cared, for never intended to redeem
it. l was about TO leave the place when
saw n big sign on the far wall. 1t
said:
No extra charge for putting watch
es and jewelry in the safe In the office
Watches and jewelry! 1t brought
the tears TO nay eyes, and as crawled
into my 10 cent bed that night |
thought OF diamond necklaces, pearls
, and rubies Of priceless value and-cake
Oh, the curse of some signs! How they
mock the poory'
/ They Were all silent a moment, but
the one addressed as Willis was the
! first to resume conversation. and he
said:
There's my friend. Big John Smith.
Let me Introduce him. Since you chaps
are talking Of signs and hard luck. let
me tell you OF the time that | had 10
j leave my trunk at the old Stevens
House, on lower Broadway. and light
out by the shades of midnight 10 get
away from a botel bill that | couldn't
! pay. Everything ] bad is the world
was locked up in that trunk. and as /
could not remove anything without ex-
citing suspicion / thought 1t best to
J keep out Of jail by leaving everything
behind me. I must have walked the
streets at least week famishcd and
penniless. One afternoon ! was pass
/ ing along en- mp town street. hoping to
die, when ! happened to look up and
saw sign as big as my hopes Were
small. This sign read:
We Are Not Daylight Robbers.
Trunks! Trunksi From the Battery
to the Harlem Bridge to Your Room
For % Cents
~"1f that sign WIS not the irony OF