The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1901-04-14
STORY INDUCED SUICIDE.
An Ancient Chestnut That Nobody
Would Listen to.

From the Philadelphia North American.
Erie, Pa, April n.-Frank Maloney, the
young man who yesterday attempted to
hang himself because his father and rest
of the family refused to listen to an al
legged funny story he wanted to tell was
arraigned in the Police Court this morn
ing on general charge of disorderly con-
duct. After great pressure his father was
induced TO tell the story his son had en-
deavored to perpetrate as something new.
1t was story that historians and SCI
entists declare first appeared when gun
powder was tried at Agincourt and Crecy,
and has been used in every war since.
Men ceased to laugh at it during the
Spanish campaign in the Dutch Lowlands
30 years ago.
Maloney, who is not harmful person
except when he drinks too much, re-
turned home from a celebration and glee-
fully announced that he had heard a new
one down town.
MaIOney's Affecting story.
"A soldier was crossing a battlefield"
he acclaimed. land saw a man lying
wounded on the ground.
What's the matter? asked the well
man.
"'Oh, am shot through my left knee.
answered the wounded man. Won't you
carry me back to the hospital?
:" Certainly answers the well soldier"
continued Maloney. but just at that mo-
ment his father looked at him reproach-
fully and left the room. Discounted
slightly at this, the young man turned to
his eldest brother.
you see the wounded soldier says it's
his left knee-no, his right knee, that was
hurt, and then the well soldier answers:
Certainly, and he'-but the brother
groaned and rushed out after his father.
Maloney was angry by this time, but
returned to his story with determination
to finish it, and got his 14-year-old sister
and the twins, three years younger, in a
corner.
Twins Burnt Into Tears.
Use" he began, after telling the first
part all over again, the wounded SOL
der I mean the we'll soldier asked his
right knee--Wait, I'm mixed-No. the we'll
soldier he sees the wounded soldier ly-
| ing on the ground and asks what is the
matter, and the wounded soldier says he
| had been shot in a knee--his own knee;
| that is, and wants to be taken back to
the hospital. So the" but he was again
interrupted, for his sister began to shrek
for her mother and the twins burst into
| tears.
w nat , Tue HidlNGl WIN ypu PVOPAS'
| shouted the narrator Don't you want to
| listen to a good story? Now see here!
| This soldier" Then Mrs. Maloney rush
ed in with her fingers in her ears and
rescued the waiting children, and Maloney
was left alone
Then He Tried Suicide.
That broke his heart, and after gloom
lily canvassing the fact that nobody in
this world cared to listen to him, he went
in the next room and tried to hang him
! self with his suspenders. He fought des-
perately when discovered and it took
three policemen to get him out of the
| house.
| In the court the father said the story,
! as his father told him his father had Of
ten heard his ancestors relate, was that
the we'll soldier picked the wounded man
| up and swung him over his shoulder
While he was trudging along with his
burden a cannon ball came along and
nipped the wounded mans head off
The well soldier did not know this, and
when an officer reproached him for car
rying around headess men, he answered
spiritedly that he wasn't carrying head
less man, but a man wounded in the
| knee.
| See for yourself!' suggested the ON
| Ger. The soldier did.
well, the darn fool told me it was hii
knee" he answered.
When Maloney finished the story there
was nobody in the court room, but the
| Judge, the prisoner and deaf court at
tendant.