Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1901-08-14

~ unknown poet.
III I The Earl of Stobcross
was, oh, so naughty! lie
I was also proud and went
W about with his chin in
the air. Earls can al
ways be recognized by
the altitude of their chins. An Ameri-
can visitor to England once expressed
his regret to me that the notables of
the British isles did not go round with
large printed labels on their backs tell
ing who they were, so that stranger
would not be compelled to follow the
example OF Theodore Hook, who, meet
ing distinguished looking man on the
Strand, Went up to him and inquired if
he was anybody in particular. The
American plaintively said, when l re-
marked that the nobility might object
to being labeled, that it would merely
be reverting to an old custom which
had been allowed to fall into disuse.
In ancient times the swells carried
their labels on their shields, drawing
pictures thereon, because, as n general
rule, they We're not able to write. Then,
when you met knight out in London,
all you had to do was to consult your
illustrated catalogue of the titled fam
ilies-for the year 1892, for instance
and you spotted your man at once and
knew whether 1t was better to take to
side street or not. AS rule, If you
had any yaluables about you it was
safer to make hasty move elsewhere
He suggested that if the house of lords
would consent to wear large numerals
on their manly bosoms, and If some
publisher would issue numbered cat
alogue for siXpence, to be sold ut all
respectable bookstalls, the arrangement
would be n great convenience to the
tourist.
A plain knight wears his chin at a
certain angle, easily ascertainable by q
man who mixes in good society. A bar
onet holds his three degrees higher, an
earl five degrees higher than the baron
ct, n duke is again ever so much more
| elevated than an earl, and thus comes
our phrase, "As drunk q. e., as elevat-
ed as lord" My American friend
thanked me cordially for my informa-
| ton, and, getting some further instruc-
lions on angles, acute and obtuse, he
went forth on the streets to test his
newly acquired knowledge, all of which
brings me back to where l started, that
high in the air that his nose pointed
straight up to the zenith. Captious
readers may say, How, then, could a
duke hold his head higher? To explain
the matter must refer to the history
of the earl. While most of our dukes
ancestors came over with William the
Conqueror, the first earl of Stobcross
was dropped off on these islands by
Noah as the ark was passing the peak
of Sliiddaw. The archives in Stobcross
castle inform us that, although Noai
booked the first earl for the entire voy'
age, the ancient mariner could not put
up with the earps pretensions, who in
sisted on sitting at the head Of the TIA
BILE, while Noah held that this chail
was the captains place. His lordshil
grumbled so much about the food ant
complained so bitterly that there was
no smoking room on the boat that Noaf
was glad to get rid Of him, and wheI
the marooned earl threatened him fol
breach of contract Noah replied tina
he had his remedy at the law courts
When the waters subsidized, the ear
went down the hill and seized all thu
land he could get his hands Tor feet Of
and so founded Stobcross manor. III
brought suit against Noah, but the lat
ter had sailed out of the jurisdiction o
; the courts. The monk who wrote tn
Stobcross chronicles ventures SINAI
} | pun at this point, spelling the wor
"Jew-risdiction," and explaining thu
the anti-Semitic attitude of the Stot
cross family. Whether the first cal
hated the Jews or not, the seventeent
4 earl had great liking for them. mort
, gagged the manor to them and blew i
the money resulting therefrom wit
neatness and dispatch. Having nothin
else to blow in, he blew out his--wel
the coroners jury said it was hi
brains, but those who knew the sever
tenth earl maintained that he ha
none, so there is a historical discrer
ancy somewhere, probably in the earl
head.
Be that as it may, the Stobcros
family has been poor and mortgage
up to the hilt ever since, but thei
pride never lessened in the slightes
degree, which brings this Biographies
resume to the middle of the week be
fore last and to Archibald, forty-thir
earl of Stobcross, and his only daugl
ter, the Lady Gwendolen.
Difficult us 1t would be for us t
learn to love the forty-third earl o
Stobcross, even If / were content t
veil the truth and say he was a
nmiable man, which l steadfastly re
fuse to do, the case of Lady Gwendc
len calls forth our deepest sympathy
The earl being poor, the neighborin
mobiles would not look at her, bu
were all over in the United State
with lists of railway owners and por
millionaires in their pockets, seekin
the eligible daughters thereof. Th
earl being proud, Lady Gwcndole
was not allowed to receive the nc
dresses of any of the rich tradesmen'
sons in the neighborhood, even thong
the earl's grocery bills mad not bee
paid for years and years. Now,
this was a play instead of a plat
statement of actual fact would hav
the truculent butcher of the neighbol
hood demand the hand of Gwendole
for his son or the instant liquidation
Of the meat bill. This wouldggo wei
on the stage, and can hear the deep
beefy tones of the butcher threatenin,
to put the cringlng nobleman into TIL
county court and the bailiffs into Stob
cross castle, finishing up with a pero
ration which would capture the gal
, lery to the effect that
A hundred unpaid mutton legs
! Are worth thousand coats Of arms
In these circumstances the life O
) Lady Gwendolen was not an enviabl
one and so she took to bicycling. Sh
! got machine on the installment plan
I and when the installments went 70
long unllquidated and the agent sor
rowfully took the wheel away for non