davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15
NOREDNI So The o
= I'll tina h Home emed
TOUCH
VS.
BY GEORGE ABE.

A Man and Wife had a peachy
Daughter named Aggie. When she was
II they put her into Training for her
coming-out Party.
Now that Aggie was a Young Lady,
about to be Launched, her Parents
were much relieved to know that she
had been Brought Up so successfully.
They thought that inasmuch as she
had passed through the Perils of Child
hood and survived the Mumps, Meas
els, Scarlet Rash, Cholera Infantum,
Whooping Cough, etc, etc, she was
safely out of the Woods. They had
guided her through the Grammar and
High Schools and sent her to a Dane
ing Academy and the Music Teacher
came to the House twice a Week Now
that Aggie had theoretically arrived
at the Age of Discretion and tho final
coat of Shellac had been put on her
List OF Accomplishments, they looked
upon her as d Completed Job.
But as Time passed on. they learned
that there are many serious Ailments
that may overtake a Girl after she
fiutters out of the Nursery. About
the time that Aggie formed the Choco-
late-Cream Habit and began to wear
her Hair in the Anna Held Style, she
caught the Matinee Fever. complicat-
cd with Actoritis and Photomania.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15
Copyright 1901, by Robert Howard Russell.

ginning to feel easy in their Minds an
awful Thing came off. Aggie wandered
out one Afternoon and happened TO
stumble on a Club Meeting at which
an Authoress with Gold Speetacles did
a Balancing Act on a high Pedestal
Aggie came home with the Literary
Microbe biting her at every Step. She
decided to write an Historical Novel
and she thought she had better hurry
and get at it before she was too Old.
So she began to wear her Clothes loose
and had Pencils stuck in her Back Hair
and Ink Stains on her Fingers. She
succeeded in getting acquainted with
some of the I1iterati. Now and then
she would bring them up to the House
and Feed them Father couldn't see
them at all. Aggie said it was a great
Privilege to meet People who do
Things. Father said that some of them
ought to do Time. The Dealer in Pig
Iron was not very Bookish.
Just about the time that Aggie was
convalescing from the severe Case of
Literature. she was seized with Social
Reform. She discovered that she had
a Mission. She was going out among
the Working Glasses to show them how
to be Intellectual. Mother suggested
that she remain at Home and Show
Father how to be Intellectual. For
nearly ten Days she was out uplifting
the Lower Glasses. Then one day she
bounced into the House and said:
"Mommer, l am going in for Photo
graphy."
Mother groaned. but she was not
greatly surprised. She was getting used
to the Fads and Foibles.
Aggie began to blow up the House
with Flash Lights and she converted
the Clothes-P Press into a Dark Room
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15

ring and I've no objection to a cock
ing-main now and then, when II comes
to what this man Low is doing 10 the
organiza ton, l have to cover up and
turn aside. It's too brutal for me-"
. That is the feeling of most OF the
straight-out Republicans. and it really
looks as if they had suffered rather
severely from the Mayor-elect. Their
nest is lined with gaping and clamor-
Gus mouths. but all the good things,
so far, have been snapped up by alien
bills. The Corporation Counselship to
Rives, Presidency of the Police Board
10 Partridge, the Tenement Commits
sionship to De Forest. were all Bit
ter disappointments to the hungry Re-
publican organizations, and now the
appointment of James B. Reynolds, as
Secretary to the Mayor, is something
worse, for it looks like a stone (pro-
jected with considerable force) instead
of bread. Mr.. Reynolds is a 'reformer"
Of the type most Objectionable to the
straight out party men, and in his
own district has fought against Char
ley Adler, about the only successful
Republican leader of the East Side.
The organization is thoroughly angry,
and there is no doubt that its efforts
to get square with Mr.. Low will do
much to embarass the incoming adj
ton.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15

used to think they was tn cream iv
civilization l says. They're off tn
top, anyhow
Il wanst believed twas tn best men
~ Europe come here, tn la-ads that
was too sthrong an indapindint to be
kicked around be a boorgormasther at
nome an wanted to digout FIR a place
where they cud get a chanst to make
their way to tn money. see their
sons fghtin' into politics an their
daughters tachin young American idee
how to shoot too high in tn public
scnool, an l thought they was all
right. But l see l was wrong Thin
boys out there town wan heavy foot
afther tn other to tn rowlin' mills is
all arnychists. There's warrants out
fr all names endin' in 'inski. an T
think III board up me windows, FIR. I
says, III immigrants is as dangerous
10 this country as We an l an other
pilgrim fathers believe they are. they'se
enough " thin Sneaked in already IN
make us abourigines seem like the pro-
hibltion vote in tn Twinty-nin ward.
Iheyll dash again our stern an rock
bound coast till they bust it, saws r
but ain so much afraid as We ARE.
I'm not afraid iv me father an I'm
not afraid iv mesilf. An I'm not afraid
Nv ScnWartzmeister' father or Hfnnis-
sy Cabin Lodges grandfather. We all
come over tn same way, an if me
ancestosses were not what Hogan calls
rlglcldes, twas not because they were
not ready an willin', on'y a king niver
come their way. don't believe in kill
In kings, mesilf I niver wud've saw
ed tn block off that curly headed DO
INITIATE that l see in tn pitchers down
town, but, be hiyins, Preserved Cod
nsh Shaughnessy, if we'd begun a few
years ago Shnttif1' p,1t fol1re
dent mind handin' a bomb to a king.
they wudden't be enough people in
Massachusetts to make quorum f'r
tn Anti-imperial S'ciety,' SAYS l. But
what wud we do with tn offscourin w
Europe? says he. I'd scour thin soma
more says I.
An so tn meetin' Nv tn Plymouth
Rock ASSOCIATION come to an end
But II We wud like to get it together.
Deacon Hinnissy, to discuss tn immv
grafton question, I'll sind out a, hurry
can tr Schwartzmeister an Mulcahey
an Ignacio Sbarbaro an Nels Larsen
and Petrus Gooldvink. an wen gath
er tonight at Fanneilnoviski Hall at
IN corner iv Sheridan an Sigel
sthreets. All tn pilgrim fathers is raw
quested f'r to bring interpreters.
Wen. said Mr.. Hennessy, "divvle
tn bit l care, on'y I'm here foorst. an
ought to have tn right to keep tn
bus firm bein' overcrowded."
We'll, said Mr.. Dooley, "as a pill
grim rather on me gran nephew's
sioe' don't know but we're right. An
theyse wan sure way to keep thin
out" iiA
what's that?" asked Mr.. Hennessv.
Teach thin all about our instichoo-
chions befure they come" said Mr..
Dooley.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15
What Is Life Without Health?

BY the use of Haggard's Specific
Tablets, thousands have been restored
to health and saved from a premature
grave. They are an absolute Specific
for Indigestion, Nervous Debility, Con-
stipation, Kidney and Bladder trouble,
Sexual Weakness, Impotency, Seminal
Losses, Lost Manhood, etc, they never
fail Haggard Tablets are the product
of the latest, most skillful and learned
research in Materia Medica and are
different from all other remedies of the
class They begin at the seat of the
disease. and act directly and specific
ally upon the Mucus, Gland, Venal
and Nerve Structures, and give vital
effect to the tissue of which the struc-
lures are formed. cleansing the entire
system from all impurities. giving re-
newed vitality and vigorous health.
Call on your druggists and try them. II
they can't supply you. they can be had
on receipt of price from the Haggard
Specific Co.. 404 Norcross Building, At
lanta, Ga. Price 81 per box. or six
boxes for IS. Booklet of testimonials
sent free on application. Sold by Lipp-
man Bros. Savannah.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15
NEW YORK TOPICS.
DRIFTS AND UNDERGRADUATES OF
THE METROPOLIS.

The New Political Triumvirats
Letting the Old Man Down
Easy"-TroubIe Brewing BetweeT
MayOr-Elect Low and the Repub-
licRn Orgnnization-A Man Who
Knows All About New York
Titled Gentlemen who Drink But
Never Treat-"Jack's" Restaurant,
the Resort of the Younger Sport
ing Men-Neyvs and Views on the
Copper Situation.
New York. Dec. 1S.-Perhaps the
most touching feature of the Repub-
lican variety show, now running, is the
triple act by Messrs. Roosevelt. Odell
and Low, entitled Letting the Old
Man Down Easy" with Senator Platt
as the Old Man. Daily there is full
authority in the field where for so
many years he has been the indisputed
autocrat, and daily he and his friends
are permitted-nay encouraged-to as
sert that his control of the party was
never more complete than now. The
new trumvirate gives him a jolt that
makes his teeth rattle, and cheerfully
announces to the world; Bless you'll
That didn't hurt him. He likes 1t. 1t
just goes to show that he's still the
boss" And then they pass him an
other, just like it. Senator Platts prin-
ciple has always been to take what he
could get when he couldn't get just
what he wanted If he can't have the
power he will strive to maintain the
appearance of having it. In instance
of which here is an incident not hither-
to printed.
ernor of this state Plat went to see
him about a certain appointment for
which he had a candidate.
I can't appoint that man Senator"
said the governor. THE man must
be appointed" said Plat, "It is neces>
sary for the success of the party. If
any other man gets the place there
will be trouble.
Il have almost decided upon another
man," said Roosevelt. But in any
case your candidate will not get it,"
Platt insisted. Roosevelt was firm.
Platt was unwise enough to threaten
(By the way he has not yet learned
that Roosevelt is not amenable to
threats,) Roosevelt smiled. Plat walk
ed to the door. turned around and said:
Governor, if my man is not ap-
pointed it means fight. The Repub-
lican organization will fight you to the
end. l want you to pause and con-
slider what that means. Day after to-
morrow l will come back for your
answer"
When Plat returned Roosevelt said
TO him: Well, Senator, l have de-
cided to appoint Mr." naming a
candidate whom Platt did not like.
HIM" said Plat. Then after a
pause. Has the appointment been
made public YETI"
No, it will be this afternoon"
Governor" said Plat blandly. ct
should like to make the announcement
myself"
Said one of the inner circle Repub-
hcan machine men to me yesterday:
m no lily-fngered pink tea slipper.
I'll stand for as much as the next man.
] believe in football and the prize
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15

She would so to the Theater as often
as she could muster the Price and
there she would sit in a pensive Atti-
tude and gaze yearningly at the pale
Leading Man with the Black Ringiets.
Alter returning Home she would none
around in her blue Kimona and say
that she didn't care for any Dinner.
Then Mother would give her some
Camomile Tea and a hot Foot Bath
and tell her that she had caught Cold
Mhen II came 70 Diagnosis, Mother
was a Shine.
While she was still subject to these
occurring Attacks OF Actortis, another
Malady laid hold on her.
One Day when Father came home
ne was met by Aggie's Mother. who
was pale and worried.
something terrible had happened. 20
she said. "Aggle has Art on the Brain. %
~ oh too True. She had attended
Stnalo Tea In a large smelly Place
9. done ln passionate Red with paste.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15

Hotel keepers who offer accommo-
dations of the kind preferred by cas-
ual visitors from the country will learn
with pleasure that burner is about
to be put upon the market which the
inexperienced lodger may blow out If
ne wants to without i'll effects. It's
parts are so arranged that to afford
a gas passage a certain amount of
heat must be applied to expand them.
While thus expanded they offer gas
way sufficient for illumination. When
the flame is extinguished the rapid
cooling OF the parts causes them to
contract, which closes the gasway in
less than one minute. What little
gas escapes in the interval of cooling,
which is facilitated by the shape of
the parts and their thinness, is not
enough to do harm to life or health.
The chief value of this device would
seem to be in correcting the danger
to be apprehended from the accidental
extinguishment of a gas light by a
temporary failure of the supply or a
sudden gust of air from an open win
dow,
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15

The Premises had a Chemical Odor
The Pictures would have been all right
If the Light had been better. or they
had been given Time Exposure. or the
Camera hadn't waggled. or Something.
AS II was, they were fun OF Fog and
Moth Balls.
One afternoon Aggie was swiftly
transformed from a KodalSer into a
Menticulturist. She brought home a
Book so Deep that Mother couldn't
make Head or Tail Of IL.
Next Day a Young Man walked into
the Office and said TO Aggie's Father
Sir / should like to marry you.'
Daughter"
Il don't know who you are" was the
Reply. but you can have her"
MORAL; The Quick Change Artist is
too much for the Old-styie Parent
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15

board Armor on the Walls. There she
had met an Artist. Any one could
tell that he was the real Latin Quar-
ter Article, for he wore the corn-silk
Tassels and never combed his Hair,
and smoked a Pipe even when he had
Callers. He was made up in Velveteen
and a Fauntleroy Collar and his Cravat
would have done for a Sash. Aggie
was pining for Bohemia. So she de-
cided that she would marry the Genius
who never had been Shaved, and they
could live together in the Paint-Shop
and cook all their Meals in a Chatting
Dish. She began to comb her Hair
down over her Ears and moved her
Waist-Line up until it was stopped by
her Arms, and she wore long cling
ing Raiment and tried to be exactly
like the Slim Sisters that show up in
a Burne-Jones Panel. All this made
Father very Exhausted. Father was
in the Pig-Iron Business and he didn't
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15
MONEYS Lemon Elixir.

have been a great sufferer from
dyspepsia for about fifteen years, my
trouble being my liver, stomach and
bowels, with terrible headaches. Lemon
Elixir cured me. My appetite is good.
and / am well. had taken a barrel
of other medicine, that done me no
good. Charles Gibhard,
No. 1915 Jefferson St. Louisville, Ky.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15
MoxIey's Lemon Elixir

Cured me of indigestion. 1 had suffered
for ten years. l had tried almost every
medicine. but all failed. Since taking
Lemon Elixir ] can eat anything I
like. w. A. Griffith,
ReevesVille, S. c.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15
MoxIey's Lemon Elixir

Cured me of enlarged liver, nervous in
digestion and heart disease. / was un-
able TO walk up stairs or to do any
kind OF work. l was treated by many
physicians, but got no better until I
used Lemon Elixir. I am now healthy
and vigorous. c. Fl. Baldwin,
No. 9s Alexander ST., Atlanta, Ga.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15
MOZLEY'S LEMON ELIXIR,

Cures indigestion. headache. malaria,
kidney disease, fever, chills, loss of APP
petite, debility, nervous prostration,
heart failure and appendicitis by regu-
lating the Liver, Stomach, Bowels and
Kidneys.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15
MoEIey's Lemon Hot Drops.

Cures all Coughs, Colds, Hoarseness.
Sore Throat Bronchitis. Hemorrhage.
and all throat and lung diseases. Ele-
giant. reliable.
2bc at druggists. Prepared only by
DR.. II. Mozely. Atlanta, Ga.-ad.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15
NIozIey,s Lemon Elixir

Cured me of indigestion and heart dis
ease. after years of suffering, when all
other remedies and doctors had failed.
N. D. Coleman,
Beulah, S. C,
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15

One of the Tammany men who would
not have been turned out on January
l, had he desired to stay in, is Edgar
J. Levey. who recently resigned as
Deputy Controller to accept a more
lucrative position. Mr.. Levey is one of
those prodigies of memory that occa-
sionally get into the right place, and
soon come to be used as a sort of uni
versal encyclopedia by anyone in
reach He knew more about the in
tricate machinery of the vast NUM-
cipality which employed him, than any
other man-probably than any other
ten men-in the city. Legislation af-
fecting any municipal department was
all his fingers ends. He could, at call,
recite almost word for word, passages
of ancient bills dead and long forgot
ter even by their progenitors. Nor was
his grasp of small detail less astonish-
ing. They say that he knew the hip
popotamus family at the Zoo, and there
is on the records of tradition, a case
of a Mrs. O'Hara, scrub woman at the
Central Park Arsenal who came down
TO the Comptroller's Office in her Sun
day bonnet and a state of awful in
dignation, to find out why she hadn't
been paid for extra work She fell
foul of Mr.. Levey, but got no further
than her name when he broke in.
Yes. / know your case. You were
appointed seven years ago: widow of
a policeman: Salary $500 per week.
once transferred to. Fire Headquarters,
l believe, but put back at your own
request: made a similar application
for over time pay two years ago, which
was then allowed. Your present APP
plication is one of several hundred and
will be passed upon as soon as pos
sible."
Out went Mrs. O'Hara. wide-eyed
and stopped to say to the policeman
at the door:
IT niver knew but the wan other
cud do that-readin' the thoughts in
yer mind that-a-way-and she was
drowned for a witch in the Guild Coun-
try"
That a bogus baron should have
bilked the Waldorf-Astoria for $500
worth of room rent, food and wines
last week is not strange, for beating
a fashionable hotel is one of the sim
plest methods of temporary existence
for man who can put up a good APP
pearance. But 1t would seem that the
facile generosity of the guest, even
though 1t cost him nothing, should
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15

sold Immediately upon announcement
ana the second win be ready within
forty eight hours.
1t may be worth mentioning in con-
necuon with the violent attack made
by certain critics against The Right
way, that the author is now in this
country with a challenge to anvona
who thinks his book should have been
called The Wrong Way. Takers will
be allowed to choose between a Har-
per joke or a Century poem as
weapon. The author is to be allowed to
hurl the manuscript of his next novel.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15

4-11-44. the startling mystery story
recently published, will literally stand
the reader of it upon his feet. More
over, the reader will stand up till he
mas finished the book, if he begins
mat way. He will not take time to
SIT down. 1t is good policy, there
fore, to sit down first before beginning
4-11-44.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15

Anthony Expectancy, the author Of
the Polly Monologues, is said to be
engaged upon a duet, which will be
set to pictures uniform with the mon
olosues Mr.. Expectancy anticipates
much for the reception of his new
work and the public is not beyond
nope. Herbert Brewster.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15
Dr. W. n. Van Brederode's
INFALLIBLE CURE FOR
Malaria ChIIIS, Fever and Agus.

1t makes you strong. II gives you
an appetite. II makes your work
easy. 1t has a reputation and Is in
dorsed by thousands who have used II
Malaria vanishes before II like dew
drops before the morning sun. Try II
ana you win be convinced. Made only
IN the laboratories OF The DR.. w. N.
Van Brederode Company.
LIPPMAN BROS, Agents,
Savannah. Ca.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15

said one of the inner circle Repub-
mean machine men to me yesterday:
m no lily-fingered pink tea slipper.
III stand for as much as the next man.
! believe In football and the prize
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15
DON'T GET MALARIA

Don't get run down. Keep up your ap.
petite. Keep up your strength. Don't
get malaria. Take
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15

MISS Bertha Bunko was scarcely
twenty when she wrote THE Plug Hat
OF Nevada" and she began writing
verses at two.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-12-15

Mr.. Jones Greenland. the famous
special correspondent, has just tele-
graphed In the last chapter OF his book
ana the first edition will be off the
press tomorrow morning. The first
edition, It may be stated, was entirely
Free press., 1901-09-28
Imposing Funeral Ceremonies
Precede Ir1feT71er1f OF Nc
Kir1leY at Canton.

But the men of the war days OF forty
years ago, with whom the martyred
president had marched in his youth,
passed UP this road before the funeral
car approached They caught up tie
flowers as they passed, pressing them
to their lips. Just ahead of the hearse
marched the handful of survivors Of
the late presidents own regiment.
They, too. gathered up the blooms as
they limped by.
Blooms Taken Mementos.
So it happened that when the men
of the army and of the navy carried
the black casket within the shadow
of the vault the flower carpet had dis
appeared, its blooms, however. to be
guarded for years as mementos Of this
day of sorrow.
Just without the entrance to this
mausoleum stood the new president Of
the United States The coffin rested
on supports only a hands reach from
him. Then the members of the Cabi-
net formed an open line with him, and
members of the family-an save the
lone woman who was in the home
under the close watch of DR.. RiXey-
| near. " OoI ILL., cOtAOS
to ashes, dust to DUST came the bene-
diction, from the lips of the venerable
Bishop Joyce.
The roar of the cannon echoed from
| the hilltop just above. 1t came as a
mighty amen Again the white
haired minister spoke. Again came the
crashing roar of the salute, its rever-
| berations beating on and on over the
| hills about the city.
Taps" Sounded by Bugler.
Taps the saddest call the bugle
language of the army knows, came
| from eight bugles. The last notes were
held until the breath of the wind
j seemed to rob them of life. Away
| down the broad street, two miles away,
! the marching columns were still COM
ing The music Of the bands, muted,
it seemed. by some giant hand calnc
floating to the group about the vault
Nearer, My God, to Thee. Nearer to
Free press., 1901-09-28
Given Post. No. 1Ss, Wooster, o.
Hart Post, No. 134, Massillon, o.
Second Division.

Hart Post, No. 1874. Massillon. o.
Other Grand Army posts
Second Division.
Mai. Charles Dick, commanding.
Eighth Regiment Military Band
Detachment Ohio National Guard
Troop A OF Ohio National Guard guard
Of6ciating clergymen-
Funeral car and bearers.
Honorary bearers
Special guard of honor, Gen. Nelson A
Miles. Admiral George Dewey. Gen
John R. Brooke, Gen Elwen s Otis.
Gen. George L. Gillespie.
Loyal Legion
Family, President, and Cabinet
President of Senate and United States
Senators
Speaker of House of Representatives
Governors of states with stanS
Gen Leonard Wood, Governor OF Cuba
Ohio state officials
ere TcuL G91T6 Judges qe STATE OF dfcere Sere
Federal officers of Cleveland
Federal officers of Chicago
Federal officers of Canton
Federal officers of Massillon-
Board of directors of Pan-American Ex-
Board of Cook County officials. Chicago.
Third Division.
Maj A. Xignes. commanding;
Cleveland Grays-
Cleveland SCOTS Guards.
William Mckinley Command Spanish
Sons of Veterans
Union League Legion
Canton Encampment, No 81
Fourth Division.
A 3. Foster, Grand Commander of Ohio.
commanding.
Knights TempIar-
Grand Lodge of Ohio.
Eagle Lodge of Canton.
Canton Lodge of Canton and other Ma
sonic lodges
The remaining three divisions were
made up of representatives from clubs,
societies, civic bodies and the Eighty
second regiment of National Guards,
together with other military organiza-
tions.
When the funeral at Canton began
all the tides OF American life stood
still. The wheels of industry ceased to
reyolve. The hammers of toll paused
in their beat. The ship stopped her