Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1901-12-14

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him and he goes right OF to sleep. Mrs.
Phaser-What a knowing child!--Bos.
| ton Transcript
Mistress-NOw. remember, Bridget.
the JOneses are coming for dinner to.
night. COOk--Leave II to me. mum. I'll
do me worst! They'll never trouble
| ycz again!-Bazar.
1mpecunious Lovcr-Bc mine. Aman.
da. and you will be treated like an an.
| gel. Wealthy Maiden-Yes. 1 suppose
so. Nothing to eat. and less to wear.
| No. thank you.--Tit.Bits.
| Kitty-My dressmaker says It Is such
a pleasure to fit gown to me. Edith
Considers 1t sort Of artistic triumph.
I suppose? The true artist delights In
difficulties. Boston Transcript.
After the surgical operation: Barber
What will you have on your face,
| witch hazel or bay rum? PATRON
Naithcr one nor the other. Just put
on plain court plashter!-Judge.
| Rats and the dog: Gentleman dndig.
nantly)-Whcn I bought this dog you
said he was splendid for rats. Why,
he won't touch them. Dog Dealer
Well. amt that splendid for rats?-,rlt.
Bits.
| The thing to do: "If you woke up
suddenly In the night and found your
self In the den Of a man.eating tiger,
what you'd you do?" "1'd promise my.
self to quit drinking "-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
She Tin a whisper)--The little man we
are passing.is Robertson Stunter. He
was one Of the best known authors In
the country once. He-Strange don't
remember him. She-But that was
three or four months ago.-Life.
No favoritism: "Pleasc. ma'am." said
the boy who had been absent. II was
kidnapedw "That Is no excuse" re-
piled tile teacher; II cannot allow you
liberties simply because your parents
happen to be rich."-Town Topics.
"Your conversation. Mr.. Hcvviman.'
said Miss Peppery. looking very wise,
but innocent. reminds me Of some
champagne" "Ahw exclaimed Hev'
viman. much pleased. 80 sparkling as
that?" mo; but It's extra dry."-Ex.
Employer-lm afraid you've deceived
me! You came here rs college grad
uate. Clerk-Well. what makes yot
doubht me. sir? Employer-Why. yot
Just said In regard to matter Of busi
ness that I knew better than you.-Chl
cago News.
mo. SIR" exclaimed the loud.voiced
drummer In the smoker. I'm proud to
say that no house In the country has
more men pushing Its line OF goods
than ours" what do you selli' asked
curious one. Baby carriages.
racusc Herald.
Vain ambition: ut seems impossible
to break into society,"" moaned the par
yenu; this Is the fourth time have
been operated on for appendicitis, and
the only invitation I have received IL
one to call and settle with the sur
geon."-Baltimore American.
Jakey was a little German boy. whit
was always late In getting to school
One day. however. he arrived before
the bell rung. and running up TO thu
teacher, he cried: "Vell, to-day. ! an
before at last. always vas pehin'
pefore." philadelphia Times.
Success at last: DR.. Brown-We'l, die
you keep the thermometer In the room
Mt seventy degrees, as l told you? Mrs
Murphy-I did indade, doctor, but
had hard tonne to do 1t. The only
plocc It would stay at slvinty was for
nlnst the chimney piece.-Lifs.
Citizen-Madam. why do you persls
In punching me with your umbrella
Madam-I want to make you lool
around, SO l can thank you for glvln
mo your seat. Now, sir, don't you g
] Off and say that women haven't an
manners Record-Ierald.
He-If you did not love me why dl
: you encourage me? She-l? EncOul
age you? ue-For two years you hav
accepted every one of my invitation
to the theater ct cetera. She-That wa
not because | loved you; 1t was becaus
, I loved the Observation-Disclosures Bits.
out Mt sea: Mrs. Gull Wngrlly)-
heard what you said to that Miss Sea
new. Mr.. Gull--llcard what: Mrs
Gull-Hcard you say just rs plain a
; day: "Meet me at the pier, dearest.
! Mr.. Gull-Oh, rats! You just ran int
one of those wireless messages iron
that stcamer.-Judge,
Josh-Abncr's the greatest reade
, here at the Corners, An that hahn
all; he acts Oh what lie reads. Lige-
!. Yew bet he does. Now last week le
, my certain knowledge he answere
: two advertisements Of matrimonial ID
reaus, sent for three packages or loV
, powder an book on hypnotlsm, al
he also sent dollar ter a Teller In Me-
York for seventeen ways ter git rich
: three months.-Puck.
at used to he my ambition said I'll
business man, ito accumulate FORUM
and then retire" "Well," answered I'll
Q friend, "hayen't you realized it!' IN
[ I've got the money, but ! don't dal
+ retire. I've got to stay awake nigl
9 and day to keep somebody from gettiI
0 1t away from me."-Washlngton Star.
I Mlstress-I don't want you to Ia,
!. so much company. You have more cal
y ers In day than ! have In wee
i Domestlc-Well, mum. perhaps II you
o try to be a little more agreeable you
a have as many friends as I have.