The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-02-03
English Of Old ENGLAND
MOTHER TONGUE SOMETIMES EN-
BARRASSING TO THE AMER
ICAN TOURIST
THEY SPEAK IN A SORT OF CODE
Proof of KipIing's Declaration That
Americans De1ude Themselves
Into Thinking They Speak
English.

Kipling says-and who Is more indls-
putable authority than Kpling? THAT the
American people have no language, and
also that they delude themselves into the
belief that they talk English. If any
American resents these statements let
him go spend the summer on John Bulls
snug little island. Then let him, If he
can, protest that there is reality in the
mutual comfort of the mother tongue"
Let him say If he finds it any joke to
understand plain English, or to make his
crude American" understood.
It isn't alone the accent. nor yet the
infection, which makes the English of
the English puzzling to American ears.
1t Is the very definite and infeXible way
Of saying things. They speak by a code.
When 1t rains it is "a dull day, isn't it 2
When the thermometer mounts into the
eighties 1t is Close" The weather is
thick" when the mist creeps over the
landscape, or fine" so long as it does
not actually rain. So universally patron
lied are these neat and convenient, if not
always adequate, formulae that in using
any other expression one feels quite indie
Gently original. To a London landlady
one scorching July day I observed that
the morning was "hot." Could you have
seen the stare of wellbred amaZement
with which she replied irreproachably,
cit Is close" you would not wonder that
I registered vow to try my own meth
DDS no more.
Americanly unifornl-they are pretty
uniformly un-American. Ordinarily, that
is all the trouble there is about it. The
phrase is ineligible enough, but strange.
For instance, when you are told that the
yelling mob of public school boys who
pack the train on the 1st of August are
going home for the "haulidays," you get
14o,, c1an IL ~ q hoX nn hnli
days so closely associated with frost and
Christmasing that 1t Is nard to realize
that the word may be properly applied
to the dog days. Again, when the land
lady at an inn, in answer to your re-
quest for rooms, pumps out her ready
made phrase, Were full up!' there Is
no chance for misunderstanding. So
with fire assurance" message boy"
keeper ring GUARD ring), secret bed
folding bed, ETC., all very logical, no
doubt, but likely nevertheless when first
you meet them to give your brain a turn.
Now and then, however, you encounter
an expression by no means simple Of
comprehension. When on the dizzy top
of my first London bus an inoffensive
looking English woman turned to me and
said, stiffly, THANK your did not I'M
derstand her. Twice she repeated with
stern emphasis, THANK your and half
rose from her seat. Then 1 saw that
she wanted to pass me. The remark was
a request the first time, a command the
second.
But how, pray, was an American to
know that? Even the simple words up
and down proved too much for me
when I found them marking 1.-The plat
forms of suburban station. Being bound
for the north I selected the side plaeard-
ed up Trains" Presently porter came
to me and demanded abruptly, Where
for?' York" said I. A shade of mel
ancholy crossed his face. you'll ave
to cross the line by the bridge,
miss; this is the hup side" I protest.
ed was going due north. and would by
no means take a down train. well, you
be going from London, be'ant you, miss?"
retorted the porter as If that settled It.
And, indeed 1t did. North, south, east