The Butte inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1901-1912, 1901-11-09


abroad that old maids are not extreme
~ hard to please in the matter Of
choosing a husband, the idea Is entirely
erroneous. Women are much harder
to satisfy than the men and are more
given to pursuit Of the IDEAL Per-
haps no ideal husband exists but it 10
best to give the men the benefit of the
doubt.
In searching for the ideal woman
has only the experience Of her sex to
guide her. First must be compiled q
table of ages color of eyes and hair.
height, weight. and other physical char
acteristics of the men whom women have
married. Then the divorce proceedings
Of the various courts must be studied.
and added to this long and careful
study of the reasons that led all OF her
friends and acquaintance to wed.
After long and arduous study and
research one woman says she Is now
ready to submit the results and claims
to have discovered the men whom
women most desire as husbands.
This investigation has not been car
ried on without great deal of annoy.
ance and trouble. In order to be fully
informed on the subject one woman was
obliged to permit several men to fall In
love with her, at various times, OF
course in order that she might the better
study the animals at short range. OF
course she was not allowed to vivisect
any of her subjects. although she should
have liked to do so in the case of ono
| OF them at least. She could play only
on their several weaknesses. She fat
tered them. cajoled them, and petted
them, and watched carefully how they
behaved under all circumstances. She
co raj o,11 v ho ~ hor
ments and used the knowledge thus obs
tanned in conjunction with her statis-
tical labprs. She had many of her
friends write out the qualities they
most admired In men. as we'll as those
! they found most lacking.
not difficult matter to figure out exc
actly just what kind of man from the
standpoint of the average woman the
ideal man would be. To get this de-
sirable result, which will be a great
| help to all young women who are now
| engaged in searching for the ideal man,
| every available bit of Information was
| taken advantage of and not a single
| figure in all of the thousands that the
government statistical bureau at WASH
| ington puts out was overlooked. She
found she was able. from taking the
| experience OF some eight thousand mar
| ried women, to find the man whom the
! average woman Of these 5000 would COM
| slider ideal.
The ideal man is just 80 years, Z
months, weeks, and 3 days old. Ap-
parently he has the most luxurious head
| of hair. but approach him from behind
+! and you encounter a large bald spot.
l hot, Sc ov1r h,,k rn1{ ~ IN
| light. His eyes are neither blue, hazel.
| nor black, but sort Of composite of the
three He wears only a half mustache.
and whiskers only on one side of his
| face.
He is about feet 4 inches high and
weighs 1877 pounds.
He dresses we'll. but there is a certain
disorder in his costume and his neck.
ties are combinations of red, greenk
| black, gold, yellow, and spotted that
| would hardly be considered beautiful.
| He is a college-bre man, but has for.
! gotten much of his learning and con-
fines his reading chiefly to Dooley and
George AIDES modern fables although
he could talk Greek If he would rub up
on it.
| He drinks a highball composed OF
equal parts of whisky, lemonade, gin,
beer, milk, mineral WSter and coffee.
He smokes a compound prepared OF
tobacco, cigaret mixture and cubebs.
and this only at irregular intervals.
f, He swears vociferously in the morn-
| ing, but in the evening his communities
tions are "yea, yea" and may. nay,"
whatsoever proceedeth out of his
| mouth.
He goes to every ball to which he IS
invited, but dances just half Of the
| numbers, rushing away to fulfill hi1
position as president of the Young Mems
Rescue league of Waukegan.
:, He frequents saloons and churches,
giving about the same time to each
one. He is always to be found at the
church strawberry sociable If he is not
attending the annual excursion of the
'Steenth Ward Marching club, and he
goes home at - o'clock much intoxi-
Gated three nights in the week, but on
the three following nights he Is tucked
up in his little bed at 8 o'clock. unless
he is out attending the vestry meeting
of the church of which he is devoted
member. On the seventh night he does
not go home at all
He chews tobacco. gum, licorice. and
breath pellets all at once. and he parts
his. hair both in the middle and on the
sides.
He takes a cold bath every morning
for six months in the year. On the other
six months he is eagerly sought by the
board of health.
He eats a soup composed of tomato.
chicken. potato. vermicelli, noodle, and
beans. He also eats chicken. meat Of all
kinds, every known sort of fish, and
tops off his meal with 80 varieties Of pic
cooked into a single piece.
He has no prejudices. being at all
times a republican. democrat. populist.
prohibitionist. united labor, socialist.
silver republican. and gold democrat. but
he votes only every other year.
He is SO loving and sweet to his wife
that he would sell his coat to buy her q
ticket to the theater. and when she