The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1901-04-28

once there was a Family named Tilbury-
II was what might be called an intellectual
Family. Instead of lolling around at the
Breakfast Table calling for more Waffies
and making Cracks on what the Morning
PAPER has to say about Tod Sloan, Secre-
tary Root, Carrie B.. Nation, Aguinaldo and
others the Tilburys always sat up straight
and kept their Elbows of the Table and
talked somewhat like the North American
Review.
Old Hiram Tilbury. the Chief Of the
Clan, wore black Over-Gaiters as a Marx
of extra Responsibility. The Frown which
he used as a Trademark kept his Brow
fiuted like a dashboard. He was such a
Reserved and Scholarly Lawyer that very
few Clients had the Sand 10 go and break
in on him. He was the Stroke Oar in a
Cub made up of top-heavy Exclusives VINO
seldom smiled. The members of this
Coterie used 10 write Stuff that was too
awfully Hot for an ordinary Publisher OF
Commercial Instincts, SO they kept IL under
Cover and read it to one Another. They
were given TO assembling in a Front Room
stocked with Hair-Cloth Furniture and a
few Dining Room Chairs brought in Tor
the time being, and they would lead out
Popular Novels one after another and Rip
them up the Back and HamstrinS them
and sing the grand Evisceration and 80
Home reeking with Gore.
Mrs. Tilbury had been a JubblesOn before
she flew to the Arms of the Ice Machine
In an Accidental Way she once learned thai
a certain Ike Jubbleson had been a Team
ster or something during the Revolutionary
War. That set her to Going. She began -
wear red, white and blue Banners and join
Patriotic Clubs. She got all messed up In
the Politics of the ~Stepdaughters IF the
Revolution and would come home after a
Scrap with the Lady President and have
to go at the Smelling Salts and hit the
Ceylon Tea about seven times before she
could cool down sufficiently to tell how she
had been 1nsulted. If Ike Jubbleson had
known of all the Trouble he was breeding
for his Female Posterity probably he
wouldn't have done any Hauling for the
Soldiers.
The eldest Child OF the Tilburys was
Theodore with the Pompadour. He had
gone on and on until he was Principal of a
Grammar School. When he talked he pro-
nounced each Syllable very distinctly. He
was a hefty Proposish when he was in a
Bevy of School-Mums, but he Broke and
went into the Air when he tried TO Gait
himself with a lot of Rude Men. Theodore
had plenty of Dignity for the Pay he was
getting.
Also there was a Daughter named Sue.
who was not annoyed by having Men come
around TO ask for her. so this gave her
bushels of Time for Anti-Cigarette Work
and Dress Reform. Sue was one of the
Bold Spirits that lit out and got so far in
Advance of the Times that no one made an
effort 10 overtake her. She was down on
Tight Lacing and used to say that no one
could get a Corset on her. and nobody ever
tried. Sue was the kind of Girl that looked
just as we'll without one as with il. She
had been known TO write these teeny little
Verses about the Wildwood and the Heath
er. although they didn't have anything of
the kind within ten miles of their House.
Sue was so Emancipated that she used
bull's-eye Spectacles and a Mans Shoes.
and she took Long Steps when she went
out TO crush the Cigarette Evil. The Worm
of a Man who saw Susie bearing down on
him wearing a kind OF a Roosevelt Look !
usually got of the Sidewalk and tried to
hide behind a Tree Box. J
1t will be understood that when Papa
Tilbury and the former Jubbleson and
Theodore and Sue got together and began
to gather a Head of Steam they created an
Atmosphere of Culture that you could cut
with a Knife.
Sad to relate. there was a Youngest Child
named Jimmy. who carried all the Ear
Marks of a Black Sheep. He did not like
to wash his Neck or comb his Hair. and he
Bucked like a Cayuse against sitting In the
Library to read Essays by Hamilton Wright
Mabie. His Mother often said that the
Law of Heredity must have jumped a Cog |
in his Case. for she could not understand
how any one with Jubbleson Blood i'm his
Veins could want to get out in the Alley |
and play with the Irish. When Theodore !
aIa..la.. .la- 49, oAhor onn-.A hi.a a., IL. L