New-York tribune., 1901-04-25
TIE T4LK or THE DAY.

The Methodist ministers of Chicago have appoint
ed commissioner to visit Fort Sheridan in COM
pany with representatives Of other denominations
and make thorough investigation of the practi-
cal effects of the closing of the army canteen at
the post. The Rev. NJ. NJ, Parkhurst. president of
the Anti-Saloon League. was selected to make the
investigation. and be will enter upon the work at
once and make detailed report OF his investga-
tion TO the Methodist Ministers Association
Mrs Johnsng-I jes' met Mrs. Yallerby. an she
toie % me her daughter done eloped wifi gemman in
Mrs Jackson.wel declar! sech airs. Who
He's de Chinese launderman 'roun' de cohner''
philadelphia Record.
Twenty -four of the leading bankers. professional
men and merchants of Richmand Mo. have en-
tered into an agreement to parade In shirt waists
on May l, wien they Will march through the prin-
cipal streets. At night they will give an enter
tanment and supper introduce the shirt waist
as a substitute for the swallow tall and Tuxedo.
l nlce 3e@ptee 10 dinner 1t seems TO me the coffee
''It amt the cofee's fault ma am replied Della
us 100 much crane ye put in IT. You amt
used to crane, ma am. m."-(Philadelphia Press.
Speaking of the British census an English period
ical remarks: "It is in the matter of age that a
slight element of fiction appears now and then in
the schedules, for a careful study of the reports
reveals that there more of the fair aged
about twenty-five than can be accounted for
Women of twenty-five in 1891 must have been ff-
teen IN 1881, pul the women IN returns
twenty-five exceed the young girls of fifteen. OF
whom they should be only the diminished sur
vivors.'
UPS AND DOWNS OF THE BROWNS
Brown has coscy office
on the twenty second floor
OF a modern office building.
With conveniences galore.
Electric lights and mail chutes
And everything first rate
And an elevator starter
Who is strictly up date.
Now. Mrs Brown came in one day,
A smile upon her face:
Took elevator No. s.
'Tts safe to say she'd hardly gone
Beyond the second floor.
When Mr.. Brown sailing down
Serene in No. 4.
Hey, Mr.. Brown the starter cried.
Your wife went up this minute"
\ just about TO start,
And Mr.. Brown jumped in it.
You'd better wait till she comes back"
The starter tried to shout.
But UP went Brown-a car came down.
And Mrs. Brown stepped out!
The starter shook with hidden mirth
"Ynr husblnd. mum, went back" he said.
Just take chair and a while.
He'll surely come right down
While down came Mr.. Brown.
He went back ur-his wife came down
A nd headed for the door,
While Brown ransacked in Wild despair
AS ont into the street she passed
u hope they'll meet in heaven" said
The starter, with grin.
-(Smart Set.
A negro Sunday school has been organized q,
Camp No. 4 the Hawaiian Commercial and
Sugar Company's plantation on Maui Its me,,h.re
are the negroes recently brought the plantation
from Alabama under the leadership of one Of tbeir
number. the Rev. J. \. Henderson. These narroes
by a unanimous vote. have pledged themselves IN
abstain from crap shooting and other forms ~
gambling and from the of intoxicating drinks
Employer-What's the matter with you?
MuddIed Clerk-rired. tha sh all
Employer-Tired eh?
"Yesh. ] been workin like a horse"
"Ah! Carryin load. eh?'-( PHILADELPHIA
Record.
Case and Comment tells a story of an Illinois
attorney who argued TO the court after another
of a series of very weak points. of which
seemed TO the court to have any merit. until the
court finally said: Mr.. - do you think there
is anything in these points?' To which the attorney
replied: We'll judge, perhaps there isn't much
in any one OF them alone. but didn't know but
your honor would kind of bunch them"
a school inspector. having few minutes TO
spare after examining the school, put few ques-
tions to TIE lower form boys on the common OBJ
mapY he asked. pointing stretched across
the cornet or the room, and half dozen shrfl
voices answered, in measured articulation: Please
SIR IL 5 toe hide the masters bicyce''-(It- Bits.