davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
GOT THE WORK HE WANTED.

EHrontery of the Applicant Suited
the Railroad Manager.
United States Revenue Inspector
William A Gavett vouches for the fol-
lowing story of well-known Southern
railroad man:
H. NJ. Hoxie. general manager of the
|. & G. n, was universally considered
good fellow by his friends in Texas
and elsewhere. A slight deformity
caused him to limp, and the brakemen
on the road, with the quick adeptness
which railroad men possess in giving
nicknames, promptly dubbed him ''Old
FlatWheel''
One day Mr.. Hoxie sat in his office
when typical Texas "brakie" stalked
in and stood with his hat on in the
middle of the floor.
Il want job" said he.
After little talking Mr.. Hoxie sug-
gested that his manner was unbecom-
ing. and suggested that ,he would give
him IA practical lesson in now to ask
for position. ~
You take my seat" he said. ".and I'll
show you how you ought to act
The brakeman took the general man
ayers chair and Mr.. Hoxie stepped out
into the hall. After giving respect
full knock he came in and stood uncoy-
cred before his temporary superior.
'Well?" said that worthy
Il am looking for a position. sir"
said Hoxie. Il have 'braked. for four
years and think could fill position
on the international. What can you
do for me?''
The tough brakeman leaned back in
his chair and stuck his thumbs in the
armholes of his vest. well. old Flat
Wheel I'll just give you n job, he
drawled.
1T took me off my feet" said Mr..
Hoxie in telling the story at a Calves
ton banquet. But laughed in spite
of myself. and the applicant began
work on the International short time
after that" Detroit Free Press
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
MICHAEL 6. MUL7ALL,
FAMOUS IRISH STAHSTTCIAN.

Michael G. Mulhall, whose death was
recently announced, was perhaps the
best known statistician of the present
day. Mulhall was born at Killiney,
near Dublin, sixty-four years ago, and
his career was full of adventure. He
was educated in Rome at the Irish Col
lege, and be was the pioneer Of tine En-
glish newspaper press in South Arheri-
ca, the first paper printed there, in our
language, having been the Standard,
produced by Mulhall at Buenos Ayres
in 1858. In 1878 he returned to En-
gland, and proceeded to make his name
as the author of "The Progress of the
World" 1.-THE History of Prices" and
the invaluable Dictionary of Statis-
tics" which finds place in every ref
erence library. Mulhall was married
to lady whose book, Between the
Amazon and the Andes," placed her
among the ranks Of ladies who travel
well and write well of their travels.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Long-Lived Birds.

1t used to be believed that the ravens
lived longer than any other species of
birds, and it was said that their age
frequently exceeded century. Recent
studies of the subject indicate that no
authentic instance of a raven surpass-
ing seventy years of age is on record.
But parrots have been known to live
one hundred years. One lost its mem
ory at 60 and its sight at 80. There is
a record of a golden eagle which died
at the age Of 11S years. Another gold
en- eagle was kept in the Tower of Lon
don for ninety years. A third died at
Vienna aged 104 years. Geese and
swans are tenacious. of life, and ex-
.traordinary accounts exist of the great
age that. they have attained. Button
and other authorities have credited
them with 80 and 100 years of life.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

In such a fashion, but brought up
against the bars with force enough to
throw him to the floor Surprised at
the appearance Of the invader, he filed
the house with his roars. The keepers
ran to the cage and endeavored to quiet
him, but he continued the uproar until
exhausted. e ~
In the meantime the adventurous
youth had disappeared and was dis
covered in front of. the wolves cage
trying to excite them In the same way.
He was led from the garden and warn
ed to keep away. -s
About year ago a serious disturb
ance at the zoo was due to the flashing
of mirror in front of the lions den.
At that time the lions, with the excep-
tion of one or two of the widest, were
kept in one cage. A visitor held mir
ror in front of them one afternoon and
the beasts were thrown into panic.
They fought and dashed at the bars
with such violence that it was feared
several would die as result of their
frantic struggles. 1t required the COM
bined efforts Of all the keepers for sew
eral hours before they could be quieted.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
GEN. PALMER, THE NEW COMMANDER
OF BRITISH FORCES IN INDIA.

Mai. Gen. Sir Arthur Power Palmer,
who by King Edwards approval has
become permanent commander-in-chief
of the British forces in India, has been
for long time commander of the Pun
jab frontier force and provisional head
of the imperial service. He is an old
time Indian campaigner, thoroughly
seasoned to the climate and the work.
In the great mutiny of 1857, the year
in which he entered the army, Gen.
Palmer raised regiment of Sikhs,
which he commanded till the close of
the campaigns IDd 1858 he fought in the
bloody business upon the northwest
frontier. and afteryard in the Abys-
~svaESsin the Dufffa expedition. in
the Afghan war. in the Sudan. and as
head of the campaign in the Chin Hills.
1t is said he understands Indian mill
tary needs more than any other man in
the empire
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
FIRST NIGHTS ARE TRYING.

Stage People Kept on the Anxious Seat
During Initial Performances,
The first night of a new play begins
for the auditor at s o'clock in the even
ing; for the actor at 8 o'clock in the
morning of the day set for the first nro.
duction. At about that hour he awak-
ems tagged from the dress rehearsal
of the previous night, which has left
him too exhausted for a refreshing
sleep. Breakfast proves to be a farci-
cal attempt at replenishing the inner
man. The chop has lost its appetizing
flavor and the coffee it's stimulating
powers. He finds himself repeating
the words of his part, mechanically
striking attitudes and moving about the
room to assume the positions decreed
by stage business.
Ten to one he discovers that he can
not remember the dialogue of his most
important scene and he hurries TO use
the manuscript. This brings him TO
his sense and he berates himself as a
nervous idiot. Time out of mind he
has performed the same mental and
physical antics inspired by the intense
strain of the first-night ordeal. He de-
cides to walk it off," But the words
sing in his head. He reads his lines on
the billboards, which seem to contain
nothing save posters heralding the pIay
in which he is to appear might as
well have had a rehearsal" he mutters
as he retraces his steps to the Lambs
or Players, the clubs frequented by the
actors. There every one, with the best
intention, wishes him success until the
poor fellow feels bowed down by the
responsibility of living up to their ex-
pectations.
Arrived at his apartment an attempt
to divert his thoughts by attention to
neglected correspondence proves of no
avail. He develops only a tendency to
copy the manuscript of his part. Lunch
con offers a temporary relief, but,
strange to say, bouillon and chop are
equally tasteless. He gulps the first as
though it were draft of medicine,
but cannot overcome the feeling of ner-
vous nausea, and leaves the chop un-
touched. Here, get together, old
man, is his mental command. Sleep
he must have.
But sleep comes not. Catching sight
of himself in mirror, he realizes that
he is unshaven. He dares not trust the
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
In the Mexican Household.

The arrangement of furniture is
much more formal than in the United
States. 1t is very common sight to
see a splendidly furnished parlor with
a row of straight backed chairs all
alike with their backs against the wall
and as close together as they can be
placed clear around the room.
Heavy single doors, such as are used
i'll the United States, are practically un-
known in Mexican houses either at en-
frances or between interior rooms. All
doors open in the middle and are fasten-
ed with bolts top and bottom. Exte-
rior doors are always fitted with glass
panels, for they also serve as windows.
All such doors opening on the street or
open court are fitted with solid shut
ters that are folded at the sides out
of sight when not in use.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
l suppose did turn sorter red when
I see them bonds.

see Iuem DOluS.
Are you satisfied now?' says he.
l told him was, thoroughly, and so
l was. So l picked up my drill again,
and gave him my lantern to hold, so
that could see the door. 1 heard Jim,
as call him, outside once or twice,
and l like to have burst out laughing,
thinking how he must be wondering
what was going on inside. 1 worked
away, and kept explaining to him what
l was a-trying to do. He was very
and he knowed as l was a man as was
up in my business by the way l went
to work. He asked me about what
wages l got and how I liked my busi-
ness and said he took quite fancy to
me. l turned round once in while
and looked at him a-setting up there
as solemn as billed owl, with my dark
lantern in his hand, and I'm blamed if
l didn't think l should have to holler
right out.
l got through the lock pretty soon
and put in my wire and opened it.
opened the vault. y7 ~
'I'll put my bonds in." says he, land
go home. You can lock up and wait
till Mr. Jennings comes. l don't sup
pose you will try to fix the lock to-
night"
1 told him l shouldn't do anything
more with it now, as we could get in
before morning "Well, I'll bid you
goodnight, my man." says he, as l
swung the door to again.
Just then heard Jim, by name, whis-
tie, and l guessed the watchman was
a-coming up the street.
"Ah," says l, 'you might speak to the
watchman. if you see him, and tell him
to keep an extra lookout tonight"
81 will,'' says he, and we both went
to the front door,
There comes the watchman up the
street." says he. vWatchman, this
man has been fixing the bank lock and
l want you to keep sharp lookout to-
night. He will stay here until Mr.. Jen-
nings returns"
i saw Jim, so called, in the shadow
on the other side of the street, as l
stood on the step with the watchman.
We'll" says l to the watchman, I'll
go and pick up my tools and get ready
to go.''
went back to the bank. and it didn't
take long to throw open the door and
stuff them bonds into the bag. There
was Some, l,oyoS living ,,oJ,r.l o,,,l :,
safe as should rather have liked to
have tackled, but it seemed like tempt
ing Providence after the luck we'd had.
looked at my watch and see it was
Just quarter past IL. There was an
express went through at half past 12.
| tucked my tools in the bag on the top
of the bonds and walked out to the
front door. The watchman was on the
steps.
Il don't believe I'll wait for Mr.. Jen-
nings," says l. Il suppose it will be all
right if give you his key
That's all right says the watch
man. So
~ wouldn't go away very far from
the bank" says l.
mo. won't" says he. "T'Tl stay
right about here all night"
Good night" says l. and l shook
hands with him. and me and Jim
which wasn't his right name. you un-
derstand-took the 1890 express. and
the best part of the job was we never
heard nothing of it,.
1t never got into the papers.-Argo-
naut.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
THE SOUTH WIND.
Wind that sings Of the dreamy South
When the pale first blossoms WOO the

Wind that sings Of the dreamy South
When the pale first blossoms woo the
bee,
Wind that filings from a golden mouth
Tender spray of the summer sea,
Wind that keeps for us light and bloom
That cradles the bird in the tree-top
nest,
Wind that sleeps in the lilacs plume,
OF the winds of heaven we love the
best.
Over the springing wheat-felds pass,
And over the small home gardens fare,
Evermore bringing to grain and grass
And the flowers thy breath of blessing
rare.
Give us the cup of thy wine to taste,
o wind of the South, so strong and
fleet!
Never drop of its joy to waste,
In the days of the springtime coy and
sweet.
-Woman's Home Companion.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Only Estate of Its Kind

There is one point to which l wish
to call your attention" said the owner
of fine old colonial palace to a pros
pective purchaser.
what is that?"
"This estate is, 1 believe, absolutely
unique in this particular, among es-
tates with buildings as old as this one."
'.And what is this unique feature?"
''It was never occupied by Washing
ton as headquarters. = Philadelphia
Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
ARE AFRAID OF MIRRORS.
Most Wild Animals Take Fright
Their Own Reflections.

Most Wild Animals Take Fright at
Their Own Reflections.
A glance at himself in mirror yes
terday frightened Big Ben, the zoos
largest lion, SO badly, says the Phila-
delphia Press, that the keepers in
charge feared he would do violence to
himself. He was in an angry mood all
day and paced restlessly up and down
his cage, stopping at the bars and raw
ing at every chance passerby.
The antics Of a small boy particular
ly excited his ire and he ragged and
stormed as only big lion can. The
lad enjoyed the performance and wait
ed until Ben had finished his TRADE,
and then drew hand mirror from un-
der his coat and held it directly in
front of Ben.
The lion looked over and then jumped
for the intruder that dared face him
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
% mr moor hnShnndr y,


Aggrieved Youth-In your Literary
Outlook" in this mornings paper you
say "there has not been volume of
poems printed for six weeks" Yet 1
sent you copy of my Songs in vari-
GUS Keys not more than two weeks
ago.
Literary Editor-Yes. remember it.
l see no occasion to revise my statis-
ties. Frightful weather, isn't it?
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Taking No Chances.

''Yes; he has proposed by letter." she
explained. Now do you think ought
to. mail my answer Immediately or
keep him in suspense for while?"
Mail itp' exclaimed her dearest friend
in d tone that had a trace of spiteful-
ness in it. ''If were you I'd telegraph
it," and there was an emphasis put
on ''if 1 were you'' that came near
breaking friendship that had ex-
tended over several years.-Chicago
Post
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
These Real Estate Men.

Brown (angrily)-I thought you said
that was fine ducking shore you sold
me. I was there all Washington's
birthday and there wasn't a duck in
sight.
Real Estate Agent told you it was
a fine ducking shore-but it amt my
fault if the ducks haven't sense enough
to find 1t out.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Ready to Believe It.

"What is the name of this station?"
asked the passenger from the East,
who had been looking wonderingly out
of the car window.
'Dauphin Park" replied the passen,
ger from the suburb just beyond.
'"That explains it. 1t must be nice
to fish for them from the windows of
the dwellings," f e.
Fish for what?" IL !
"Dolphins."
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Exhausting Names Birch Forests

Exhausting Names Birch Forests,
At the present rate of the manufac-
ture of spools and other articles the i'm
mense white birch forests of Maine can
not last many years. Although the birch
forests are extensive, the fact that sew
enteen spool mills and large number
of so-called novelty mills are eating up
the timber at the rate of from 80, ,OOO, ,OoO
to 100000 feet annually excites the
apprehension of foresters and manufac-
turers.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Needed Helm.

Landlady-Win you have another
help to the chicken, Mr.. Blithers?
Mr.. Blithers (star boarder)- Yes; un-
less 1 get help I'm afraid my jaws
won't stand the strain. You see never
practiced mastication as a physical
feat.''-Ohio State Journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Anticipating a Brilliant Season.

The Early Cockroach-How do you
do? Seems to me you're looking rather
forlorn and poverty stricken. -.a
The Early Mott-You won't think so
when you see me cutting a wide swath
in costly furs.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
A Friend in Need,

$50 Birdie Flyppe married lame
man! 1t is the last thing would ever
have expected her to do"
'1t was case of gratitude, believe.
They were shipwrecked together, and
by using his cork leg as life preserver
he managed to save them both"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Telling the Speed of a Train.

When travelling on railway you can
tell how fast the train is going by the
following method: The telegraph
posts along railway line are placed
thirty to the mile. So if you multiply
the number of posts passed in a min
ute by two the result gives you the
number of miles per hour at which the
train is going.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
More Home RuIe.

Enpeck-My dear, according to nv
views of bringing up children
Mrs. Enpeck-Never mind about your
views. I'll attend to bringing up the
children; you go down in the cellar and
bring up bucket of coal
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

Hix-1ts just as easy to tell the truth
as 1t is to tell lie.
Dix-Yes, but when a man realizes
that by telling small lie he will not
only make his wife happier but will
get several hours more sleep he is
justified in telling it.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
One Mans Opinion.

Wife-What is this gold reserve the
papers are continually referring to?
Husband-I guess it must be the
manner in which gold persists in hold
ing aloof from the most of us.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

Waiter (at swell restaurant)-Prairie
chicken? Yes, sir. Do you like your
game high?
Uncle Si-Not so doggoned high the
gun won't reach 'em, O. course, but
what's that got to do with eatin' of
'em?
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Those Loving Girls,

Maude-I didn't think you would be
able to recognize me after a three
years absence.
Clara-You have changed considera-
bly,, but I'd recognize that hat Of yours
a hundred years from now.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

Golf said the ex-bicyclist, sis fine
game, but it doesn't amount to much in
the way Of exercise"
Golf" remarked the ex-gambler, sis
splendid exercise, but it's an Internally
poor Chicago, Tribune. =.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

The average woman puts off ac-
knowledging her wedding presents as
long as possible, knowing that the do
nors expect the acknowledgment to
contain an invitation to visit her,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Hota and Tots.

The Dutch settlers at the Cape of
Good Hope called the natives Hotten-
tots because the Canfre language SEEM
ed to be a perpetual repetition of the
syHabies hot and tot.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
New Hotel for Boston

The biggest and most costly hotel in
Boston is to go up this season on the
site of the Brunswick. 1t is to be in
elegance rival of New York's Wal
dorf- Astoria.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

The Girl-Beg pardon, STR, does my
hat trouble you?
The Mani can see nothing else.
The Girl-Then I'll tell you what to
do. Just keep your eye on me. and
when 1 laugh, you laugh-when 1 cry,
you cry. III,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

Farmer Hayrix Ito hotel clerk)-
Heow much dew you tax a feller fer
stoppin' at this here tavern?
Clerk-Three dollars a day. We give
you all the comforts of home.
Farmer Hayrix-Gosh! git all them
tew home fer nothing.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

''1s that marble?' asked a customer,
pointing to a small bust of Kentucky's
famous statesman.
mo, SIR replied the conscientious
dealer, that's Clay
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Changeable Ever,

Yeast-I can always tell what the
weather is going to be by my wife.
rimsonbeak-Ipdeed! Is she as tickle
as that ?-Yonkers Statesman.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

Did you enjoy the reception at the
Literary Club?v
very much, indeed. Everybody was
SO well dressed"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Feline.

Miss Ann Teek-I wouldn't marry the
best man in the world.
Miss Pepprey = Naturally. You'd
probably not be asked even if you were
the last woman in it-PhiIadeIpbia
Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.

Odd, Curious and Laughab1e Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Por-
trayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Our Own Day-A Budget of Fun.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

rs Bibb a good neighbour"
mo; he's very unpopular, because he
paints his house every spring, and that
makes everybody in the block have to
do the same"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Mute and Blind Americans

The number of deaf-mutes in the Uni
ted States is over 111,O00; the number
of totally blind is SS,924.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

do you go to the theater in Lent"
yes; I'm such a pessimist that moth
ing amuseS me-
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

Next to a love affair that doesn't pan
out, a woman's greatest disappoint-
ment is in when doctor she recon-
mended, failed to effect cure.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

Sorry to trouble you. madam, but
your husband fell from a fourth-story
window he was cleaning to-day,
and
30, my poor husbandr'
'Your husband is all right, madam,
but he fell so blamed awkwardly that
he broke my awning all to pieces, and
got away before could see him. Here's
the bill for damages, and you tell him
that if he wants to save trouble he'd
better settle it right away"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
WHAT He ralks rhroueh.

Myer-What's Windham's telephone
number?
Gyer-Six and seven-eighths.
Myer-Why, there aren't any frac-
tional numbers in the telephone book.
Gyer-But there are in hats.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Another Literary Guess.

"I've got a theory
"What is it?''
Il think the same hand that penned
Billy BaXter's Letters wrote AN Eng
ishwoman's Love Letters.''
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

Bess-Miss Oldham would certainly
make a brave soldier.
Tom-Why do you think so?
Bess-She never deserts her colors.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26
Citing an Exception.

Smith-Kindness always conquers.
Jones-Oh, 1 don't know. once knew
a man who tried it on mule.
Smith-Well?
Jones-His funeral was largely at
tended.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

PA, what makes a rabbit wabble its
nose so?'
Il can't tell you, Jimmy
Il know; it's because it hasn't got
'nough tail to wabble."
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-04-26

Harry, did you buy me that hat
Wanted?'
No. Marie, I bought new cooking
stove"
You selfish thingr'