The evening times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1902, 1901-03-11
The Abolition of Cranks

a small pamphlet which has appeared
anonymously somewhere IN the West
contains suggestions on the reformation
OF refOrmers. and. incidentally. their re-
moval from q public sphere Of action 1t
is that all reformers should be set TO
work upon each other. The plan provides
for the pitting of large reformers against
small ones until the number is reduced to
one, by the simple process described IN
the Old ballad about the Nancy Brig -
The one reformer left Will be in the posi-
ton Of that elderly naval man who
sang:
Oh. an the cook and the captain bold
and the mate Of the Nancy brig,
And the bo's'n tight and the midshipmite
And The crew Of the captains gig
Then, it Is suggested. the great public
may be equal TO the job Of putting that
one out OF the way.
For example, it is stated, Mrs Nation
could be set to dispose OF Frank Hall, and
the survivor Of the contest could be op-
posed TO Dr. Parkhurst. The large crank
should, wherever possible. be set on the
small crank, and where this is impracti-
cable. several reformers should be turned
into a weIi-fenced field and left to tight il
out Ike the Kilkenny cats Possibly some
one Of our numerous new colonies might
be set aside for the making Of this socio-
logical experiment II might be bad ex-
ample for the natives, but it might also
teach them the awful results of too much
reform. and cause them 10 yearn to lead
better lives At any rate, there are sew
erty--six millions Of people in this cotIn-
try. and It might be worth while to risk
some possible bad results to d few hun
dred FIipinos or West Indians for the
sake Of the greatest good to the greatest
number.
This scheme Is certainly a novel one.
and it IS commended TO the attention of
people who are interested IN schemes.
Perhaps some reformer might be found
who would take this for his specially ana
boom It with all the earnestness and so
briefly OF a man introducing a new brand
OF soap The main difficulty would prob
ably De financial It Is easy TO say that
a thing ought TO be done but hard 20 find
man with so much faith in the fact that
he VIII pledge his faith Ira good solid cash
We all believe that the millennium would
be a good thing. but there are few indeed
among es who would give five dollars TO
see II come. We wish To see 1t come first
and then think about paying our five dol
lars That is why the theory of evolution
IS SO popular. II requires but little ex-
ertiou- 1t fits in exactly with the average
Americans pet laissez-fa doctrine. an
You have 20 do is TO let things work as
they viii and the proper conditions will
be evolved No martyrdom. no heroisrn
no revolution, no seIf-sacrifice, only
general and implicit trust IN the survival
Of The httest- Perhaps the reason we all
feel 50 happy in the idea Of evolution is
that We ali have more or less implicit
faith that we are among the 1T who are
destined TO survive. II might be different
II we feit that we should have TO be eaten
up for the good Of humanity. The doc
trine Of everlasting punishment went
under when the majority Of PEOPLE began
10 feel that II IL We're true they would
have 70 miss heaven Hence, rather than
take any measures Involving trouble or
expense 10 rid ourselves of the Mrs Ma
tions and ether excrescences Of a demo-
cratic civilization, We hope and trust that
it viii an come right
There is, in this case. considerable yea
son for the belief. There have been
cranks in the past as well as IN the pres
ent, and they have left comparatively lit
tie mark on the history of The world
When they have really affected the
course Of events they cease to be cranks
and become other things. The real cranks
OF fifty years ago are mostly forgotten.
Tennessee Clafin and Victoria Woodruff
started out with as firm an idea that they
were going TO abolish marriage as Mrs
Nation has that she is going to abolish
hquorj and marriage Is stiH going on N
about the same rate as ever. The ancient
Pur1tans had an idea that they could do
away with Christmas and Easter and
funeral services; and nature, too strong
for them, dictated that these customs.
rooted in the Angio-saxon temperament
through centuries Of tradition. should re-