The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1901-04-10

Speec5 ca the average -4>s''s';l.
,:Do yea l2o, 55:.,. ;;rs},s.-,s. -Ng.le.-
ican Is Il hopeless ;,.:a incagr.ssii5le aac
unmitigated liar:" sad al a-2a52'.;'
cynic of Baronne street. ! don't n2,;s;i
ne lies yiciously. but suave me:Gac.ty
glides off the end CT his tonS;s:' - c..
lily as molasses flows fro... :, sp:-ct G.
warm day in snnnler Ee Gees * T..
consciously. l.&bisusng, a.::;2:s,,, g..
just rs h:s i;.aSs ezp@2d ;:,2d IL
heart palp;tatcs AID bis i:;.:.' ~~:.'o.5,s.
without any special attention FROM tue
rest OF IL, system. lie does ii IaeGausc
he can't help it. The thing ll;.s i,ccome
q second nature.
i had al this Brought E2::::.2 to ne.
continued Tie amateur cyi2ic, by d
very simple little experiment which I
tried or myself and y few others no
longer ago than yesterday morning.
Did you ever see pocket counting ma
chine? Well. it's y little device shaped
like q watch Whenever You press the
stem the needle On the dial jumps :.
point. and it registers in that way up
to several thousand on the principle OF
q cyclometer They are used by any
body making long counts AID arc very
handy. because they never forget where
they leave of.
E'But. to come to the poi;;t. some
thing happened to remind me Of our
national vice of untruthfulness as I
was getting up yesterday, and l deter
mined to keep tab on myself and as
certain, if possible, how many actual.
out and out lies I put into circulation
IN the course of the day. chanced to
have one Of the little counting ma
chimes have just mentioned, SO slip
ped it into ny pocket and started out.
ssThe first lie l told was right at tie
door. Smithson was passing and stop
ped to shake hands. Hello, old man.
said |. Delighted to see YOU when as
matter Of fact was deuced sorry 10
see him. because owe him ten.
gave the counter a squeeze and hur-
ried OF. but before / got to the Office
had logged it nine times.
ssWhat did jog it for, did you ask:
Oh, trivialities. mere trivialities. but at
the same time point blank lies. every
one Of 'em. Whenever opened my
mouth out dropped some confounded
hyperbole told Jones the joke be IL
sisted in springing on me was the best
I ever heard and then made double
tally in assuring his wife she was look
ing remarkably well when she was
looking exactly like sc2recrcw.
told another friend never laughed so
much in my life as had at something
or other. don't remember now what.
and still another that hadn't slept
wink for three nights when had neu-
ralgia lately-all lies. bald lies. in spite
Of their harmlessness-
when / reached the ofGce and lco:i-
ed at the dial, was horrifed. Good
heavens said to myself. 1t seems
to be physically impossible fcr ne to
speak the plain truth in the paltrest
matters III just remain perfectly
ouie1 for haif an hour and keep check
on Boggs.
..Boggs is our head bookkeeper and
a pillar in one of the suburban church
es,'' continued the amateur cynic. He
wears rubber overshoes in wet wealth
er, cultivates sandy side whiskers. car i
ries q gingham umbrella. belongs to Q
building and loan association and has
all the other marks Of severe respecta-
bility. | had supposed him to be the
auintessence Of cast iron veracity, but
when sat down in cold blood to put
him on record was astounded at the
blase fashion With which he frivoled
with the truth. I pushed the button
on him Is times in q minutes; then be
got into whispered conversation with
a caller, and lost the thread OF his
remarks. But I am certain if had
been in earshot the counter would have
had hard work keeping up with the
procession.
That relieved my mind somewhat.
and later on. when made quiet test
OF several Of the other fellows in the
Office, came to the conclusion that l
was no worse than the average. but the
average was pretty tough. AS far as
my Investigations went, the invoice
clerk held the record. he is q guileless
sort Of chap. with modest manners and
a freckled nose. and l never supposed
ne bad any Imagination concealed in
his peg topped Uranium. but he forced
me to push the indicator up exactly %
times in Is minutes. During the last
part of the stretch. however. he was
trying to trade OF secondhand bicy-
Gle, and that naturally swelled the re-
turns
"of course 1 soon realized that the
idea Of keeping count on my own men
dacity was entirely impractical and
abandoned the effort, but the other
data has furnished me with abundant
food for thought. My brother-in-law,
by the way. insists that we would
make a great mistake in trying to
weed these towers Of fable out Of our