The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1901-04-26
AS 1T REALLY HAPPENED.
The Old Gentleman Thought He Could
Skate But He Only Made
Hole in the Ice.


The rotund, red-cheeked, white
side-whiskered, portly, dignified-look-
ing man with the silk hat, the fine
overcoat and the ivory-handled cane,
stood on the bank, watching the
nimble lads and lasses as they cir
cled and flew over the pond on their
skates. His face was wreathed in
smiles, says the Washington Star.
swell do 1 remember" he appeared
to be saying to himself, my own
days at that sport. The sight of
these joyous young ones brings it
all back to me-"
Son." said he to a boy who
skated up to where he was standing,
in order to adjust one of his club
skates, show do you put those new
tangled things on, anyhow"
why, you just slip your shoes into
'em and tighten 'em up, SIR" replied
the lad, smiling at the old gentle
man.
Don't you bore hole in your heel
with a gimlet any more, and then
screw the skate on?" inquired the
rubicund, portly man.
mo, sir; those are the old-fash-
! toned kind of skates. These are club
skates. All the fellows have club
skates nowadays, and even the
girls"
"Now, is that SOP" said the portly
man in the silk hat. "Dear me, but
how things do change. Now, how do
you brace your ankles with those
highfalutin' contraptions? We used
to have lot of straps passing over
our ankles to brace them"
"Well, the fellows nowadays get
along without any ankle braces, sir"
replied the boy.
do, huh?" said the old gentle
man. swell, with all due respect to
you and your generation, son, the
boys of this day aren't any shiftier
on their feet than the boys of my
day were. Fact is, although haven't
done any skating for nigh on to As
years, I believe that I can get along
just as we'll on the ice at this mo-
ment as could when was a shaver.
just let me try those skates of yours
on, will you, my boy?" and the old
gentleman dug his fingers into his
change pocket and produced a quar-
ter, which he handed to the boy, who
promptly sat down on the bank and
took off his skates, handing them over
| to the old gentleman. The lad was
tall boy, with stable feet, and the
old gentleman's feet were unusually
small, so that the skates fitted all
right. The boy locked them on with
his key and the old gentleman stood
up and walked slowly out to the ice.
There was confident smile on his
rosy face, and all of the boys and
girls on the pond gathered round to
see the fun. Holding his ivory-handled
cane out in front of him at arms
length the rotund old gentleman gave
one long glide and
Now, right here, according to all
existing humorous canons, the ro-
tund old gentleman ought to skate
on one foot, with long, graceful
glide, right out to the middle of the
pond, and there begin to spin around
| lihC u 4NOA "C5ioh PioISSSioh"i, oiiN
cut figure-of-eight knots, and spread
eagles, and perfect circles, and things
like that. Then he should skate
gracefully back, where the chagrined
boys and girls are still standing, re-
move his skates and say, the while
the youngsters look foolish: "Well,
boys, I guess Pm not such an old
man yet, eh?"
However, facts are facts, and the
gentle reader is respectfully referred
to hole about eight feet by twelve
right on the northwestern edge of the
lake if he desires to ascertain what
actually happened to the rotund, red
checked, white-side whiskered, portly,
dignifed-looking man with the silk
hat, the fine overcoat and the ivory
handled cane, who was so unwise as
to think that barking back mentally
and physically for period covering
As years are one and the same thing.