The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1901-12-15
HUMOR OF CHILDREN.
An Amusing Lecture by Mr.. Macna-
mara, NJ. p, in London.

London Chronicle.
For an hour of uproarious mirth few
things can compare with bare recital OF
"Children's Witticisms," and DR.. Macna-
mara, Nj. p, from the time he himself was
a pupil-teacher, has been peculiarly well
placed to gather from his schoolmaster
friends the cream Of the subject. And so
II happened that last night at St Luke s
Institute, Pinkham, he kept his audience
merrily occupied. AT the outset he sam
pied a few "apOcryphaP' witticisms which
appeared at intervals in the comic papers.
In this category he placed the retort Of
the child who, on hearing her mother
praising a school-fellows success, said:
Yes. mother, but you see what clever par
ents Mary had" and by the retort OF the
boy who, being told by his mother he was
getting more like his father every day,
said: Mother, what have l done wrong
now?" In roughly Analysing his subject
Dr. Mcnamara pointed out that practical
ly all children's witticisms are unconscious.
Those which might be called impeachment,
and which, in reality, blurted out the disa-
greeable truth, had given rise to the old
proverb, Children should be seen and not
heard" and to Fenfant terrible Of the
French.
Some had arisen from a misconception of
first impressions, others from taking liter
ally what was intended metaphorically. The
question. What is Parliament" obtained
the answer, "A place where they go up 10
London to talk about Birmingham" who
the first man?' an American boy was
asked. On replying Washington" he was
you count foreigners" What is her
etic?" was another question. lone who
would never believe what he was told, but
only after hearing it and seeing 1t with his
own eyes" Define Court of Chancery,"
said a teacher. 1T is called this because
they take care of property there in the
chance of the owner turning up" A vac
uum said another child, is nothing shut
up in a box. An optimist. according to an
other, is a man who attends to your head.
A pessimist is a man who attends to your
feet Among musical instruments were In,
cluded funny bones" evidently intended
for trombones. Fort and fortress had no
difficulties for one little fellow. Fort is q
place for soldiers to live in. Fortress is
where they put their wives.
Questions in history drew forth the fol-
lowing information: The fire of London.
although looked upon at first as a calam-
ity, really did a great deal Of good. 1t puri-
fled the city from the dregs Of the plague
and burned down eighty-nine churches.
King James l was very unclean in his
habits He never washed his hands, and
married Anne of Denmark AS for the
hardships Of the Sale law, we are told
that Edward III would have been King
of France if his mother had been man.
King Henry VIII was very good man; he
liked plenty of money, had plenty of wives
and died Of ulcers in the legs.
AS for the marriage customs Of the an
cient Greeks, we learn that man married
only one wife, which called Monotony.
After that one can comprehend the defini-
ton of faith which lis that quality which
enables us to believe what we know to
be untrue" How to sweep a room involves
herculean laborS, according to one little
maid who wrote Scatter damp tea leaves
over the carpet, then carefully sweep the
room into the dust pan and throw 1T out
of the window"
The question, What was the general
character of Moses" drew from one child
the hang Of the answer the inspector asked
why. please sir, when the daughters Of
Jethro went to the well to draw water the
shepherds were in the way, but Moses
helped them and said to the shepherds:
Ladies first please Just before Christ
mas one teacher got her pupils to write let
tiers TO their fathers and mothers which
they might take home. With the pathOs
belonging to poverty, a little girl of nine
concluded: land please, Mr.. don't have a
baby this Christmas; do so want to have
a happy timer' Wesleyans will appreciate
the remark of the child, who, when writing
of the birds, said: do you know the swal-
lows go away in the winter, but the spar
rows belong to this circuit" Purity was
the subject which occupied the pen of the
child who ended her essay: 20 please, may
1 be pure, absolutely pure-like-cocoa."
But after all, the compositions read by
DR. Mcnamara gave an even more intimate
peep into the thoughts and ina gination of
the child than the isolated answer. Among
reflections on the cow a boy revealed his
belief that cream came only from the cow
that was all white. In moralizing upon po-
likeness another child ventured the remark
that ''some boys are rude over meals. You
should not keep eating after you are
Tightening. You should be very polite to
girls because their hair is long and they
cheek or splits in your face, don't pinch
her, don't tell her mother, but just hold
her tight by the arms to show her you
could wallop her If you'd a mind"