The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1901-11-06
IN A HUMOROUS VEIN.

He" You'll have to 90 long way
before you will meet any one who
loves you more than l." Well, Pm
willing to "-Life.
He; Do you ever let your hus-
band have his own way?"
She: "Oh, yes. l think it does a
man good to let him make a fool of
himself now and then.''
"My dear, she is the most stupid
person."
Really? She has pleasant face"
"I know. But she is one of those
people who tell the truth about their
Meighbors, even if it is pleasant. -
Life.
She-Oh, DIR. Pillsbmy, l am so
anxious about poor Mrs. Perkins. She
ls in your hands, is she not2
DIR. Piljsbury-She was, hut | have
left off attending her for the present.
She-Oh, that's goodj She is out of
danger then!
Bridegroom don't see anything
promised IL, didn't he?
Bride-Yes; but he saw that your
father had already given us one, and
he knew we didn't care to have any
duplicate esents.-Philadelphia Re-
cord.
1om-"Have smoke, old man?"
Jack -" Thanks. Don't care if /
do.n
Tom-"You'll find that is something
like cigar"
Jack CATER few puffs)-" By
George, there is slight resemblance.
What is it?"-1it-B Bits.
VIII you have another dish of ice
cream2" asked the mother of Johnnie,
whose place was across from the in
vited guest Johnnie,s mother was en-
testssping .hat day.
" Wei, yes, ! b'leeved will" said
Johnnie: then he added, ."bein's we
don't have it mo~e'h @nnct year"
"No, eir," exclaimed tn, 'oad-voiced
drummer in the smoker, "I :" pt1au S1
10 say lhat no house in the countrv
more men pushing its line of goods
than ours.' e0o"'
"What do you sell?" asked curious
one. ''' 'ou'
"baby carriages. "-.Syracuse Herald.
Mrs. Bargen- Hunt: "I think that
druggist Is just too mean for any
thing"
Mrs. Mainchantz: Why?"
Mrs. Bargen-Hun "He advertised
that he would sell 13 stamos for o.
cents. spent five cents care fare tn
take advantage Of his offer and he gave
me twelve twos and one"
Wilhe," saa his father, as he pro-
ceeded with the laying on of hands,
" am sorry to have to DO this; it hurts
me more than it does you"
WE'LL" returned the prccocous
youhSster, reSignedly, 81 never did be-
lieve in these here sympathetic strikes,
any how. They always do more harm
than good. - Chicago Post.
Z" But why do yoa wish a divorce,
madame , asked the lawyer. You
amdit that your husband provides for
y ou properly and is not at all crucln
Ciuel!" she exclaimed. 6 I'd like
to see him try to be crucl!"
"Then what cause for complaint
have you?"
" Why, he is getting so deaf that I
am deprived of the pleasure of scoldinn
him. "-Chicago Post.
Lounges 2" echoed the salesman.
Yes, ma'am. This way, please.
What kind of lounge would YOU ike?n
"Pd like one," said the sharp
featured woman, Z" that can get right
up and kick a man out of doors when
he comes home and throws himself
down on it with his muddy feet, and
growls and scolds because lie has to
wit about two minutes for his supper.
That's the kind I'd like, but Pll have
TO take what can get, reckon. What's
the price of this one with the green
cover?"
A woman meufDer of fashionable
church had gone to hei pastor with the
complaint that she was greatly dis
tmbed by one of her neighhors.
~ Joo nho"3 ohO oau5 Ibut tHC
an in the pew behind ours destroys
II my devotional feels when he tries
to sing2 Couldn't you ask him to
change his pew?"
WE'LL" answered the pastor re-
flectively, I" feel little delicacy on
that score, especially as 1 should have
to give reason. But tell you what
l might dol might ask him to join
the choirl"
A teacher was instructiDg a class of
infants in the Sunday-school and was
letting the children finish her sentences
to make sure they understood.
The idol had eyes," che said, "but
it couldn't :"
"See," cried the children.
IL had ears, but 1t couldp'I--"
Hear" SAID the class.
g. II had lips, but it couldn't"
"Speak," said the children.
" 1t had nose, but 1t Couldn't"
1