The Western news., 1901-05-08

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mrs. Wiggles-Does your husband
have ''denY Mrs. Waggies-No, be
roars all over the house.-Sommerville
Journal.
Dodson-Tapley hopes to be q social
lion Fogson-I don't see why be
shouldn't be; he is already cub.-Har.
lem Life.
Mr.. Newed- Um! Seems to me, my
angel this hash has queer taste.
Young Wife Hash? That's fruitcake.
New York Weekly.
Munnybags-My daughter is going to
marry a duke. Reporter-What you
need, MIR Mummy bags. is a press agent.
Ohio State Journal.
Rap-I look upon you, sir, as a ras-
cal Partee-You are privileged to
look upon me in any character you de-
sire to assume. sir.-Ex.
yep. Blifkens has gone stark.
staring daffy" What caused itY'
Trying to keep track of the base ball
war.'-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
He-Don't you think that is a funny
story? She-Yes; but have got the
neuralgia too bad to-day to laugh at
Notwithstanding Journal.
The kangaroo-A hunter chased me
ten miles to-day. The Ostrich-Ill bet
you We're mad. eh? The Kangaroo
Mad! l was hopping!Town Topics.
His Professlon: Prisoner--I was
quietly attending to my work when this
man arrested me Magistrate Whatsis
your business? Prisoner am burg
lar.-Tit-Bits
Jake (timidly)-I wish knowed what
you would do If should steal kiss.
Miss Linda. Miss Linda (coyly)-'r
wouldn't take no great while to find
out. Jake.-Puck.
Casey-Whoi don't We pay Cassidy
tn tin cints We owe him? Costigan-
Faith. Cassidy puts up such good
foight Oi wudn't be friends wild him
fer anything.-Judge
PA" asked little George, whats
the pomp and circumstance of war. any
way?" General Miles," replied the old
gentleman, without looking up from
his paper.-Chicago Times Herald.
MY daughter had quiet wedding
on account of her husbands recent
bereavement" HAS he lost a near
relative?" "Yes; his first wife has
been dead only six months. s."-Chlcayo
Record.
These druggists make me tired with
their superfiuous directions" whats
the matter now?" "Why. this prescrip-
tion had filed for the ague has label
on it: Shake before taking '"-Phila.
delphia Press.
Il think Miss Sorosis is girl of
very pronounced character" "What
leads you to that belief?" 'She got all
ready to go to the theater and never
once asked If her hat was on straight"
Times.
A Different Point Of View: Willie
(crying)-Mamma- = boo-hoo! Nv Joe hit
me with great big brick! Boo hoo!
Mamma-And what did you do to him,
dear? Willie-I hit him gently with
that same little brick he threw at me-
Exchange.
Criteek-That Western Napoleon OF
Finance whom you have written up In
to-day's paper must be man Of enor-
nous longevity. Editor-Why? Crit,
eek-You say, HE is reputed to have
made six million dollars in as many
years. ."-Philadelphia Record.
Quashing an alibi: Defense Adyo-
cate-"Sir. the officer charged with be-
ing intoxicated while on duty is above
the breath of suspicion" Police Com.
missioner-"Sir. your statement is i'll
timed; the accused is even at this mo.
ment munching cloves."-Judge.
Tommy-Mamma makes me go to bed
every night at 8 o'clock. Minister
Well, you know, she does that to make
you healthy. Tommy-I guess that's
SO. / notice when pa doesn't get home
to bed till after midnight he don't look
healthy next morning.-Philadelph
Record.
Henrietta, of Catonsville, says: my
papa objects to my admirers sitting on
the steps and talking with me until
late hour at night. He claims that he
cannot sleep on account of our noise
What would you adviser Advise
papa to sleep In the dayttme."- Balti- /
more American.