The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1901-08-25
. MODERN TABLES BY GEORGE ABE o
THE MODERN FABLE OF II MAN WHO
WAS GOING TO RETIRE. II - ~ u.
COPYRIGHT. 1901. BY ROBERT HOWARD RUssELL1

Some months he figured himself sgeo
TO the Soft Side.
As soon as he learned that he could can
the Turn ne decided 10 place a few Orders.
He put his Ammunition into a Pyramid
and began % fight the Ticker.
His Friends tore his Clothes trying n
save him from Destruction. They told Him
that the Greenhorn had no more char-o
thar a Chicken at a Camp Meeting Every
Lamb had the Clippers laid on him sooner
or later. II was no use hucking the Cana
unless YOU stood in with the Cabal thar
regulated the whirl Of the Little Ball
His Cousin Chester. who was a piors
Boy with dark brown %Skiligans and q
White Tie. said that Wealth obtained by
Gambling always took wings ana Flew.
Cousin Chef was a Prophet.
The Spectator happened to get on some
Railroads that went baIlooning. and The
hrst thing he knew he had $500 on Paper.
Cousin Chester tegged him with Tears
in his Voice to pull it out and Plant IT, X
he stayed in long enough he would be
Skun. sure.
So the Man closed all Deals and put the
whole Wad in Cousin Chester's Investment
Company. which was known 10 be solid De-.
cause All the blAtAA'AF hfNN - a. R"NaA
where there were no Saloons.
Next Year the Cousin played Angel Tor a
Patent Fire Escape and settled al Z cents
on the Dollar.
The Safe Player advertised for a Job on
the Road. Salary no Object
Moral-It is difficult TO leave of taking
Chances.
THE MODERN FABLE OF PUGNA-
CIoUs SHORTY. WHO HAD TO
BACK-PEDAI-
Once there was "A Sawed-On who always
wanted to Fight. He wore a L Collar and
was not very Broad across the NarroNs.
His Weight was close on TO Six stone. but
he carried Z tons of Nalor.
He was set on a Hair Trigger. The
moment any one began TO rub him the
wrong way he would crack his Heels toe
| eether and double-dare any Human Being
TO come at him..
He was sensitive about his lack Of Size.
II he went TO a Ball and two-stepped with
some six-foot Hebe. making a kind OF a
IL Exhibition, he was ready TO Call out
| any one i'm the Room who dared 10 smile.
Like all small men. he was Gallant. Tie
| was a Protector of Women I'm Public
Places. Usually he would choose a Nan
| about the size of Gus Rubin and tell him
he was no Gentleman. Then the Leviathau
would look down at him and call him
| Banty and tell him to so and play Hide
| and-Seek with himself.
Whereupon the Pocket Edition. would beg
any three in the Crowd TO meet him I'm the
Alley.
For years he had been breathing Blue
Smoke through his Nostrils and shouting
| Deies and he didn't bear q Scratch.
One Day he learned that the Laundry
Man had made a sighting Remark about
his Cook. So Dickie, the Uon-Hearted
| began to boast that he would borrow a
| S~tep-Ladder and go down and tweak the
| Nose of this Defamer Of Character.
The Laundry Man heard OF these Threats
and he sent word that If any one came
hunting Trouble he would Light on hiI'
and Sting him like a Bee.
| The Little Man received this Message
and he went TO the Laundry on a Dead
| Run. He bounded in and called for the
Proprietor.
There came out from behind a Buldl'
of Wash a weakened little Brownie abou
s inches wide.
The two Liliputs stood cycling each other
What do you charge for Shirts" aske,
the diminutive Warrior.
Eight Cents" was the Reply. 'Hav'
one of our Cards and don't forget IN
Number"
Then the Laundry Man took hin
through and showed him the Plant.
Moral-Never pick on to any one Of you
Size.