Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1901-01-13
!. GOT D. THE GRIPPE?
Grippe Microbe, After Several Years
Absence, is on the Go Again 4
!. !. .@$$ ,t,5 + ~. in the West. Il. : :
Symptoms and Peculiarities Of the Dis
= ease From an Acquaintance y
g&= of the, Microbe. #
! Treatise ra se on Grippe, Which, if not Tech:
nical, Has the Merit of Hon I
esty and Truth. :.

3 Mr. A. Grippe Microbe is with us again.
After an absence of several years he
dropped in the other day with pink
shirt and a leather. grip, and is stopping
temporarily in "a number OF the best
families. Probably no member of the
Microbe lie family now living has widealr, al,s
acquaintanceship or greater tendency,
to enter into the physical being Of man.
kind and kick UP row like Monday
morning, when the kitchen is full Of
soapsuds and steam from the family
wash. The grippe is no respecter Of per
sons or OF anything else. He comes like
a thief in4the night and sticks to his
business tighter than an applicant for a
legislative clerkship to the member from
his home district. =..slT -, "a =
The grippe has ore;symptoms than a
patent medicine advertisement and more
ways Of making itself disagreeable than
book agent. !, The general effect of an
attack is cross between falling off a
\
railroad train and running through a
feed chopper. Unsolicited testimonials
from men who have made business of
falling off trains and getting themselves
mangled in all manner of machinery
convince us that there is sensation of
genuine pleasure in these little pleasan-
tries, as compared with healthy dose
OF grippe with the bark on. A gentle
man who had been through an adult
stage OF grippe, afterward was severely
seasick and said he had never had 90
much fun in his life. Ordinarily it is no
fun to be seasick. - - i. < r.
After man has thrown up his hands
in despair and followed them with his
feet and these carrying signals for a
second section, he is inclined to look on
seasickness with serious doubt. as p
source OF amusement. But to the man
who has had g grippe, seasickness is
merely pastime. - .
The first symptom of grippe is that of
being fallen upon by full grown pile
driver, dropped from a considerable ele-
vation. There is soreness over the
entire system approximating that of the
man who didn't get job and went home
on the swearing train. The legs feel
pulled to an unusual length and the
spinal column is veered around and tied
in flowing bow knot under the shoulder
blade. Intense thirst is characteristic
of the disease and it is neglect of this
that is fatal in so many, many cases. -
I. Following the first symptoms there
come dizziness, wind collie, heaves. crib
bing tendencies, falling of the hair,
spasms, rheumatic phantasies creeping
up and down the back bone, headache,
earache,. toothache, indigestion, wens
bunions corns, warts, carbuncles acute
meningitis, sleeplessness, lack of appe-
tite, dry, parched lips, flowing eyes and
nose, slight profanity, increasing to
moderate and violent, delirium, cold
chills, cold feet, and sequence of other
symptoms that We do not recall now but
that may be found in Lydia Pinkham's
complete guide to health and happiness
or any other reliable religious work. We
do not claim to enurnerate the symptoms
IN their exact order. Sometimes the
rules are suspended and it is several
days before the victim gets back to the
general and regular order of business,
After these symptoms have come and
left cards, the victim is the guest of
hn honor at q soiree Of other distinguished
ailments. The secondary stage is upon
him. Violent ho1nicidal mania is de-
veloped, particularly toward the man
who drives a heavily loaded coal wagon
past the front Of the house without muf-
fling the tires. Intense and lurid pro-
family characterizes this stage Of the dis
ease. The sufferer is unable to lie at
ease The best liars have admitted they
could not lie ut ease during the secon-
dairy stage. The Feather bed feels like
two yards Of cord duroy road in a dry sea.
son. The softest sheet irritates the an
atpmy like sixteen inches Of harveyized
arinor5 plate. The eyes are sunken and
CLASSY. Hectic fushes and bob-tail
anshes adorn the cheeks. Sinall feather
busters grow on the teeth, The bottles
on the medicine table assume a weird
and Tious look he crisis is near.
reeovery usually fellows.
@ here are two safe methods to be pur-
sned during the grippe One is to 90 to
bed and swear and the her is To Sit up