davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
1T STAGGERED THEM.
Employees In Department. store
Were DaxcI by "a $1,000 BILL.

There was one division of one of the
largest department stores along Sixth
avenue that suspended business for
half an hour one day last week. \
woman bought some hanAscrchcfs
an,! Il pair of towels. The clerk footed
her bill, 40 cents, and the woman laid
a paper bill ON the counter.
The clerk. !: girl, looked at it hastily.
1T read $1,000. She had never seen Il
thousand dollar bill before in her life,
and the amazcment it caused made her
spcecllcss. With her mouth open III.
wonder she made out the check, show.
ing that 40 cents was to be taken out
OIL $1,000. The girl who acts as cashier
fell back in her chair when she saw the
bill She didn't have change for it,
and after gazing ut it in wondering ad-
mlration for Il moment she rushed out
to ind the manager. lie asked for the
customer who had offered it, and the
girl led the way to where the woman
WAS waiting. The clerk had recovered
from her surprise enough to point out
the customer.
nv ii.tlliScl SitlQ, 4Nlulln, Wlllt
did You buy:'
The woman named over the small
articles.
What did you give the clerk?"
II gave Ecr a dollar bill"
No; You gave her this, and it is
worthless" the manager said sternly.
Perspiration stood out on the wom-
ans face as she looked i'm wonder at
the bill. She tished Il dollar out of a
handbag She carried and paid. By<that
time she had figured out ;n cxplana-
ton. She has Il son attending Il busi.
ness college, where they have mock
transactions i'm business and paper to
look as much like money as the corln-
terfetins laws of the country will per-
NIT are used. Tho clerks had been so
stunned by the big figures that they
ana not see that it was not money ut
all, but Il fake bill--New York Herald.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
Size of proncIlers

The small size of the screw" SAYS n
boiler maker, is not due to the pprcpl,
tion of amy inventor of its greater rf-
feet as compared with larger .nc. but
purely to accident. When first rnuar
ca III the machinery business, screws
Tor steamers were made as large as
possible, it being the theory that the
greater the diameter the higher the
speed. vessel was placed on Lake
Erie with screw so large that it was
deemed best to cast each blade in two
parts and then weld them together.
During a storm all these blades Of the
propeller broke at the Welding. rcdllc-
Ing the diameter by more than two
thirds
TO the surprise of the captain the
vessel shot forward ut Il speed such rs
had never been attained before Enyi-
ncers then Experimental with smaller
propellers and discovered that they
We're much more effective than large
ones. Had it not been for that accident
we might have gone on using large
blade screws to the present day."
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
profc..ion. Not overcroxa.s.


There is a dearth of thoroughly train.
cd men in all professions. The more
exacting the conditions the greater tho
need. The thoroughly trained man
nowadays must be college man. The
universities are using every effort to
train men along special lines for def
mite efficiency in something. The old
idea Of college education us general
culture is passing away. The universi-
ty takes men rs they are and makes
the most out Of what they can do. A
man today in America is foolish to be
"self made" when better means are ut
hand. 1t is equally foolish to choose a
self taught man rs against other men
who have worked with equal zest and
force and with much better advan.
tagcs.
Formerly man OF an executive turn,
n leader in business or politics, found
in college education little that could
help him. Now he finds everything.
In the future the college men will be
the natural leaders in industrial and
political affairs. The reason is that the
men born to lead cannot afford to stay
out of fcollege.-Succcss.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
An Approach to Perpetual Motion.

An Approach to Perpetual Motion.
A clock is to be seen at Brussels
which comes about as near being a
perpetual motion machine as can be
invented, for the sun does the winding.
The following is the method by which
1t works: A Shaft exposed to the solar
rays causes an up draft of air. which
sets the fan in motion. The fan actu-
ates mechanism which raises the
weight Of the clock until 1t reaches the
top and then puts a break on the fan
till the weight has gone down little.
when the fan is again liberated and
proceeds to act as before. AS long as
the sun shines frequently enough and
the machinery does not wear out the
clock will keep in perpetual Elotion.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
HI. Manner. All Tn n Buncb.

The laundress' little boy is being
strennously brought up "by hand"
"Why, num-" she said despairingly, "if
I pounded that boy black and blue
couldn't learn him his manners. Here.
Willie" to the urchin, who was looking
confusedly at some pennies given him
by the mistress. "What do you say to
the lady|
Willie looked troubled, Then, Eyes,
ma'am; no. ma'am; pease. flank you,
estuse me-" he said breathlessly, re-
membering all his manners" ut once.
the occasion evidently being great.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
THE Willy WIDOW.
And the Visits to Her Of suitors Nile.
and Giles.

And the Visits TO Her of Suitors Niles
and Giles.
The widow is resident of Brooklyn.
Two of her friends are Stockholders
IN Wall street and fellow club mem.
hers, but they had never spoken of her
to each other.
And the widow was wary. While
her mind was undecided, she encour-
aged both and arranged that they call
on different occasions. But one even.
Ing, unfortunately, the two suitors met,
and the situation became embarrass-
ing. Giles, who had entered first, be-
lieyed lie had the right of possession.
Niles was of opinion that the earlier
callershould take his leave first. There.
fore both tarried.
At length, as the hour was growing
late, Niles suggested that they depart
together and discuss a matter of in.
terest to their club OH their homeward
way. Giles, unable to find a real ex-
cuse, agreed.
Together they boarded n car and to.
gether reached the ferry for Manhattan
borough.
At this Juncture Niles, somewhat un.
necessarily, 1t appeared to Giles, be-
came engaged in a controversy with a
man who had jostlcd him, but the op-
portunity seemed heaven sent to Giles.
and he. embraced 1t to return the way
lie had come. He had been on the
point of asking crucial question, and,
being man OF resolution, he determine
ed not to risk another hours delay. He
stopped moment in cigar store to
arrange his necktie.
Arriving ut the apartment house, he
was Informed by the hallboy that the
elevator had just gone up for the last
time. So near the object Of his adora-
ton, this seemed but trivial incon-
yenience, and, like the ardent p. j.
Beranger. eighty he vaulted up four
pair Of stairs"
He stood at the door. He entered.
There sat Niles.-Harper's Magazine.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
A cnrfnn. Tree.

There is curious combination tree
IN West Stockbrldge, Mass. 1t is pri-
marily maple which measures foot
from the ground. 12 feet 3 inches in
circumference. Fifteen feet from the
ground there are one or two birch limbs
growing, and higher up are currant and
raspberry bushes which bear fruit each
year. 1t is not stated whether the
sugar made from its sap has n rasp-
berry flavor, or the birch bark cur
rant color and taste, or the berries n
spicy tang of birch. 1t is very old and
bids fair to stand for many years
longer.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
In Retreat.

Down from the upper air tloated the
strains of music. yet Neptune was visi-
bly, annoyed.
What's snawing at thy vitals, sirey'
asked mermaid.
II wish in the name of Orpheus," !"
said the sea king. "that boating parties
could sing something else besides "A
Life on the Ocean NNave.'"
And forthwith he crawled into n
cave and pulled the cave in after him.
New York Marine Journal.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
Curing a Mule.

A mule in n pack train which was
usually loaded with salt discovered
that by lying down when fording a
certain stream and allowing the salt
to dissolve he could tighten his burden.
The mulaeer once loaded him with
sponges instead. which absorbed water
when he lay down in the stream and
made his burden fourfold heavier. The
mule was cured of his smartness.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
DRESS UP FOR SUICIDE.
Said to BE an lnvnrinble. Rule With
Women Seeking Ucnth


Women Seeking Death.
III should ever be called upon to
furnish indisputablc proof of the in
hcrent pride of woman" said police
sergeant, II would point ut once to her
invariablc rule of dressing up in her
best clothes when she goes out to COM
NIT suicide. In my experience on the
force have had occasion to handle n
good many suicides and afterward in
vcstigate their personal affairs, and in
every instance | have found that the
poor unfortunates prepared themselves
for death by donning their best bib and
tucker.
'l'hc majority of the printed reports
of suicides say that the clothes of the
dead woman were good or well made
or elegant III the woman contemplate
ing suicide owns Il silk waist, she
wears it. Her broadcloth skirt and silk
pctticoat naturally go with this gar
mcnt, and she selects her best shoes.
III, have looked up the history Of
many of these respectfully clad suicides
and have found that they owned but
one gown with which they could make
a decent appearance on the street and
that that one good dress was chosen
without exception as the appropriate
garb in which to make the exit from
this worlds stage. 1t makes no differ
cnce what manner of death is chosen,
the costume is carefully selected.
Let woman sleep her life away un-
der the influence of drugs or burn her
soal out with acids or sink into the
slime of the river, she clothes herself in
her most becoming garments and seeks
the end with apparent tranquility.
Her Instinct of gcn,ility and elegance
in clothes is with her to the last. and
even in the face of Death she shrinks
from public appearance in unbccom-
ing raiment." New York Sun.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
Chased Brass.

Chased brass goods such as are gen.
orally known us Benarcs work are
easily cleaned in this way: Wash in hot
.soapsuds and dry thoroughly. Cut a
lemon and with it rub the brass. When
1t looks clean, rinse in warm water, dry
and then polish we'll with piece Of
chamois skin. Chased work should
never be cleaned with any kind Of
nOwdcr
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
Throwing Rice.

How many people know that the Gus
tom of throwing rice at q wedding
symbolizes not the expression of good
luck. but it is q metaphorical fight Of
arrows shot ut the bridegroom. In un-
civilized ages most nations were accus-
toned to the forcible capture of q bride
by her lover, and the attempts on the
part Of her male relatives to prevent
her husband from carrying her away is
typified by a volley Of rice instead Of
more fatal missiles.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
Absolute Zero.

Absolute zero is the point at which,
us has been determined from expert
ments with gases, matter would be
without trace of heat. could be cooler
no farther. This point Is o73 degrees
below centigrade zero, A degree of
cold SO intense us this is. however,
unobtainable. Even the meteorites
which swarm III intcrstellar space must
be heated to some extent by the radi-
ance Of the stars. .-.s.~ 49,.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
ROYAL Baby Powder,

When Edward VII was born. ON Nov.
o, in the second year Of Queen Vie.
toria's marriage. every one at Buck.
ingham palace went wild with delight.
Bells rang and guns doomed with glad
tidings all oyer the Kingdom. Douglas
Jerrold, amid the roaring of the ord
nance, said, "Dear me, how they do
powder these royal babies" is.-..,,,ls.r-
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
A Truly True Dog storx.

Here is an Australian dog story from
the back blocks: A sheep dog had been
brought from station into a small
township and fretted after the sheep.
One day not child was to be seen
about the place. and us evening came
the township became alarmed. Search
was made. and the juveniles were
found huddled up in the corner of q
paddock. where the dog had rounded
them up. He had no sheep to look aft
er, SO he took the children. The mar
rator Of this lie guarantees It as fact.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
There's Etiquette In All Trades.

There's Etiquette In All Trades.
A lady who imprudently explained to
a fishmonger the other day that her
purchase was intended for the cats
dinner was little hurt at receiving it
wrapped up in newspaper. Il UNDER
stood, as 1t wasn't for yourself. num-"
replied the fishmonger loftily, 1--WE nev-
er wraps up in brown when It's for
cats!"-London Chronicle.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
The Human law.

The human jaw Is very loosely SOCK
eted in the skull. 80 that 1t is often dis
located by the mere act of yawning.
Not being intended for biting purposes.
offcasive or defensive, no attention
seems to. have been paid by nature to
making II fast.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
Playing 1t Down Low.

10VHHW ~ 1OOVH 11OWe
II haven't much use for Blithersley," !"
said the proud papa.
"Why?" asked the proud mamma.
Il listened to him for an hour today
while he told me about what his baby
had said or tried to say, and just as l
was about to tell him about ours he
left me. saying he had to catch train" !"
Baltimore American.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
It Work. Roth w.x..

"You are an ungrateful child! II it
hadn't been for you. l could have gone
to the mothers congress-"
"lf 1t hadn't been for me. you couldn'tI
have gone. because you wouldn't have
been mother."-Cleyeland Plain Deal.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
A. Hxeept,on.

A little girl read composition be.
fore the minister. The subject was IA
Cow" She wove In this complimenta-
ry sentence: "A COW is the most use
full animal in the world, exccpt re-
iigion. ."-Leslie's Weekly.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08

Some people who talk great deal
about admiring art should show some
evidence Of 1t in their clothes.-Atchi.
son Globe.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
A SONG OF LOVES COMING.

Love comes with silent feet
Out ct the mist OF dreams.
With roses is he crowned;
lie bears a sword that glcamA
Love comes with red rose crown
To where the sleeper lies,
And on the fast closcd eyes
The red rose leaves drift dowc. \.
They touch the slccpcr's lips. y
And, sleeping still. he signs. J.
They fall upon his heart; he wakes
And looks into Loves eyes.
Oh. waking bitter sweet
OF mingled Joy and paint
Turn, dreamer, ere that Love can speak
And close thine eyes again.
Tic never more may sleep
Who hears the magic word, =.
For Love that is with roses crowned Z.
Is girdcd with sword.
Pail Mall Gazette.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08

II o man is treated we'll at home, he
would rather eat at home and sleep at
home and loaf at home than anywhere
else-Atchison Globe.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08

Gold coin loses I per cent Of its
weight in so years. silver the same
amount in 10 years. ...s ass<nsss...
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
The Interval Of ERort.

The Interval OF EROFf.
.'My man. you are a professional beg
gar. aren't you!'
mo. sir. I'm professional loafer.
When gifts hungry, then gifts up and
begs." s."-Chicago Herald,
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08

1t is never too late to learn, but when
q man thinks he knows it all that set
ties Chicago News.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08

Tea became known in England about
the middle of the seventeenth century.
1t was first sold in public houses as
beer Is now tapped.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1901-08-08
The Important Thing.

"Do you think it makes much differ.
ence which planet person is born un-
derY
mot a bit, so long as he keeps on the
earth. ."lTowl and Country.
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1901-02-22
PENINSULAR NEWS,

The real estate of the Agrical
tural Society Of the State of Della
ware, known as Fairview Park is
advertised to be sold on March 5th,
at Dover, by John B. Wharton, late
sheriff.
The canning factory of Richard
son & Robbins, at Dover, will shut
down about April Ist. This is some
what earlier than usual, though by
that time they will have packed the
usual quantity of goods, except
hams. The price of hams have
been such that they were not JUST
fed in packing any this season.
Frank Duane has been appointed
assistant engineer Of the Delaware
division of the Philadelphia, Viii
mington and Baltimore Railroad
Company, to succeed L. J. Allen
resigned. Mr.. Duane assumed the
office on February I4th, when Mr.
Aliens resignation became effec
tive. Mr.. Duane was supervisor
Of the New York division of the
Pennsylvania railroad and was loca
ted at Tacony.
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1901-02-22
The Way to Look at 1t.

Don't make the mistake of weigh
ing advertising by what it costs.
1t is impossible to pay too much
for advertising-if it pays. Moth
ing is cheaper than costly advertis
ing that brings big, profitable re-
turns. Nothing is more expensive
than cheap" advertising that
brings no results. If a newspaper
charges you so cents a line, and
every line brings you dollar profit,
you have got regular Klondike.
If newspaper charges you so cents
a square foot and you never heard
from it,you are pouring money into
rat hole. Advertising IS mer-
chandise. Buy the kind you can
make a profit on, no matter what il
costs. Have nothing to do with
the Improbable kind, no matter
hew low the price is.-New En-
gland Grocer.
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1901-02-22

for their Western home = Cheyenne.
Wyoming
At the same time Mr.. R. Davis Carey
and sister left town for their home in
Philadelphia.
Mr.. w. w. COnwell, manager of the
Lewes National Bank, of this town,
will leave on Thursday TO visit Dover,
Philadelphia and other points.
Mrs. Wagaman, mother of the Wag-
aman Brothers. owners and operators
Of the Milton -four mill, died at Days.
bOrO on Sunday, aged about eighty
years. Interment at DagsbOro on Tues
day.
The eight mOnths-old child Of Mr.
aud Mrs. Arthur Maull, died in Phia
delphia on Sunday, and was brought t.
this town on Tuesday and inferred il
the NJ. E. Cemetery. D. A. G.
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1901-02-22
HOUSTON ITEMS.

The new Epworth League Cabi-
net met in executive session on
Monday evening of last week, and
much work was planned by the
President for the different depart
ment officers.
The Houston Dramatic Society
has presented the Sunday School
here with seventy volumes of ele-
giant library books, which is greatly
appreciated by the school.
Ben Godwin's hen-roost was en-
tered on Friday evening of last
week, and all of his poultry was
stolen and brought to one Of our
merchants and sold. Two colOred
men sold the chickens. They are
under suspicion, and will most
! likely be apPrehended.
Those of our folks who had ice
houses, filled them last week. Mr..
E. Fleming, of Harrington, had a
large number of teams hauling ice
from Abbott's pond on Friday
The ice was of fine quality.
The Social Department Of tht
Epworth League held a social OF
Wednesday evening.
A bevy of Milford girls in thei
meanderings last Saturday ,brough
up at Houston, and took our littl,
village by storm. Their merr,
laughter and jests greatly enlivene,
our folks. The ladies were as fol
lows Misses Mary and Laura Hall
Elizabeth, Maria and Linda Draper
Miss Brown and Mary Luff. Com
again ladies, perhaps the hacks will
be at the depot.
Mrs. Ella Counselman was calle
to Philadelphia on Monday, wher
her sister Anna is very i'll.
Master Carlton Pepper of George
town, spent the week with his aur
Mrs. r. Graham.
! Mrs. Smoot, of Milford, was
Houston visitor on Monday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Pusey entertaine
! friends from Wyoming on Satu
4 day and Sunday.
The Sunday School class of NJ
= Charles F. Phillips, will give an e.
4 tertainmeut and a social, on Tue
q day evening next, February 26tl
# The program will consist of a VOC
:, and orchestral music, recitation
tableaux, and charades. Probab
the most amusing features for t
ladies and gentlemen, will be {" n
trimming" and a wood sawinI
IN contest. The entertainment W
ed be held in Wharton's Hall, and
r. admission charge of ten cents W
. be made, and as it is for a go
We Ve cause, everybody should go W
;. can. twill be entertaining, laus
I'D able and profitable.
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1901-02-22

one. This is not in accordance
with the wishes of Congress, norl
even with the idea of the members
as to the necessities in the case,
but is based almost entirely on the
personal reluctance of the Presid-
ent to accept the responsibility of
acting without the advice of Con-
gress on the Cuban question. The
President says plainly that he is
not satisfied with the proposal that
/ Congress should adopt a series of
resolutions setting forth in general
I terms, the conditions on which the
/ United States is willing to have
Cuba released. He holds that it
will be impossible to devise a re-
solution that will meet all the
changing features of the case and
greatly prefer that Congress should
meet and take its share of direct
responsibility. Meanwhile, it is
an open secret in official circles
that General Wood, the military
/ governor of Cuban, has been ex-
plicitly instructed to inform the
delegates to the Cuban convention
that the United States government
i confidently expects the Cuban con-
, stitution to clearly define the of
t fetal relations between the United
: States and Cuba. Although the
t representations to be made to the
J Cuban delegates scarcely approach
the character of demands" they
: are of such a nature as to leave NJ
2 question of doubt as to the require
E ments of the United States in thu
|, matter of the future government o
E the Island OF Cuba. Generally
s speaking, the administration in
r sists that the Cuban constitution
4 shall recognize the supervisory au
e thority of the United States in al
o questions concerning the relation
If of Cuba with foreign countries
r especially with reference to the &C
d quirement of territory i'll Cuba an
the holding of Cuban mortgage:
AS a minor concession, it is eE
lie pected that the constitution. wi
i recognize the right of the Unite
a. States to establish naval station
e at certain specified points in tn
TT Island, notably at Havana an
is Santiago, and also to maintain
te military force in. the island suficiel
te to insure the maintenance OF a
k, efficient and stable government.