Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1901-11-13
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Does the course OF their true love
run smooth?" "Oh, yes; there are
banks on both sides. "-Moonshine.
Sarah-She's worth a million, and
just the right age for you. Jerry-Any
girl worth million is the right age
for me.
Mistress Ito servanD-Be careful not
to spill any soup on the ladies' laps.
Biddy new in service)-Yes, mum;
where shall l spill it?
Papa. how do people in the weather
bureau find out what kind of weather
we are going to haveT' II didn't know
that they did, my son.
rs your son Jack going back to col
lege?" mo. The college president
seems to agree with Mr.. Schwab about
its being waste of time."-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Guide Geferring to Egyptian Pyra-
mids)-It took hundreds of years to
build them. O'Brien the wealthy con-
tractor)-Thin 1t wor a govermint job
-eh?-Tit- Bits.
The detachable sort: Miss Flum-
merry has such beautiful hair, Why,
she can sit on it, How careless Of
her to leave it lying around on chairs"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Back Again: "Hullo, old boy, haven't
seen you for an age! What are you do
ing now?" I'm back at the old stamp
ing ground" "Eh! Where's that?"
"Postofiice. "-Clevcland Plain Dealer.
No Deferred Payments: SIS your
daughter learning to play by note?"
Certainly not" answered Mrs. Cum
rox, little Indignantly; 1--WE pay cash
for every lesson. The ideaw-Wash.
ington Star.
Fred-I see the Van Billion girl has
adopted the English fashion of wear
ing sandals. Ned (the rejected)-Yes;
it's the old Roman custom, and proba-
bly, takes her back to her happy child
hood.-Cleveland Spectator.
Isn't he philosophical?" well, 1
should say SO! When the lightning
struck his house, he sat perfectly quiet,
and afterward said he was glad it hap
pened, as he'd been thinking some time
of getting his hair singed. Boston
Home Journal.
Farmer Jones q a. m.)-Clear out, We
varmint or I'll shoot We! Josh Med.
ders (desperately)-Sh then! come
here to elope with your darter Sal, and.
by gum, I'm going to! Farmer Jones
oh, excuse mel thought We had
come to serenade her-Puck.
Mr.. Gooph-I tell you, Blithersby's
wife Is a Jewel. Mr.. Whoop-Is that
SO? Mr.. Gooph-I should say SO. Why,
he went fishing yesterday. and came
home with an empty jug, a can of sal
mon and two salt mackerel, and she
complimented him on his luck.
In the future: do yez keep an as
sistant to the cook?' Yes" "And
do the assistant have helper?" "She
has" and have yez kltchen-maid
to clane up after the assistants help
err" I'VE have" "Well, I'll give yea
wakes trial."-Brooklyn Life.
Ruling passion strong in death: 81
saw Mrs. X. going into an auction sale
last Monday. >Isn't her craze for bar
gains extraordinary? Yes, indeed.
l believe she could die happy If she
knew she would be laid out on bar
sain-counter and buried rs a remnant"
Town aud Country.
Discovered: "They had been married
n year before anybody knew it, and
even then their secret-was discovered
only by accident 'lndeed?" Yes,
one evening at card-party, they
thoughtlessly played partners, and the
way they quarreled let the whole thing
out!"-Detroit Free Press.
Does Miss Whiupperly eyer say
anything about mc:" asked GaZlett,
who wanted to find out where he stood.
We'll, yes" answered Goblet "she
asked me to-day where you have been
keeping yourself. She said you hadn't
called on her for the last two or three
minutes. "-Indianapolis Sun.
Might have been worse: Poor Dyer
exclaimed O'Hara, condoling with Cas-
sidy, who had been injured by blast;
"'tis tough luck teh hay yet hand
bowed Off" och! Faith, it might
ave bin worse" replied Cassidy; sup
pose Ord had me weeks wage in it at
the tonne. "-Philadelphia Press.
Ground plan completed: Naggus Qit-
erary editor)-How is your new society
novel getting CHI, Borus? Borus (strug-
Cling ENTHUSIASTICALLY. I've got the
French phrases Pm going to use in the
story all selected. There's nothing to
do now but to fill in the English and
divide it into chapters. Chicago Trib-
une.
Mistress I'm afraid you will not
suit, Honora. And yet Mrs. Ranger said
that you always gave perfect satisfac-
ton ut her house. The Cookies,
mem, we always got along first rate,
NE and Mrs. Ranger. Mistress-But
did you rave a great deal of cooking to
do there? The Cool-Didn't have any;
lived on can stuff. Thought that was
the way all real ladies did.
Revivalist-ls it possible that you
dance? Fair Sinner--Oh, yes, often.
Revivalist-Now, tell me, honestly and
fairly, don't you think the tendency of
dancing is toward sin? Fair Sinner-I
must confess that sometimes while
dancing have very wicked thoughts.
Revivalist-Aha! feared so. When
is it that you have wicked thoughts?
Fair Sinner-When my partner steps
on my toes.-New York Weekly.
Then and Now.
New York City had at the beginning
Of the Civil War a population of about
one-quarter of what 1t is at present,
SQa 900 InXntinn fo, nit,, .,,,1,,osos,