davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1895-1919, 1901-03-07

bista zdolnosc do piracy,
kt6ra wszystkich kapital6w
jest zrodlem, bez kt6rej mic
ma Swiecie ME by}oby kapi-
ta}em, lecz martwa bry}a ME
majaca zadnej wartosci, ,gdyz
kazda rzecz nabiera dopiero
w6wczas wzglednej wartoSci,
skoro jej sic reka ludzka
dotknie iia ma sw6j uzytek
obroci.
Wartost cz}owieka, czyli
sciSlej mowiac, wartos8 jego
piracy j przez to warto-t jego
zycia uwidocznia sic miano-
wicie W zarobkujacej czesci
ludnoSci, ola kt6rej zycie, a
wzglednie praca i zarobek
glowy rodziny jest tejze o.
statniej jedynem zrddiem wy
zywienia / utrzymania.
Srodkiem rownowazacym
do fewnego stopn;a strate,
jaka wyrzadza $mierc, zabie-
rajac pracownika rodziny,
niszczac 6w kapitat. spoczy-
wajacy W zyciu cz}owieka "a
robkuiacego, jest asekura-
eva zyciowa W towarzystwach
temu celowi s|uzacycl'.
Najpewniejsza polska in
stytucya zabezpieczenia zycia
jest Zwiazek Narodowy Pol
ski. rosiada)acy w kasie
s25.s43.67, LEGACY czlonk6v
nbezpieczonych 1888 - "
454 grupach, rozproszonych
90 ca}ych Stanach Zjednc-
czonych. Ia miesieczna opla-
ta cd $1.oo do $500 mona
sobie zabezpieczyt zycie ma
100000, ma czionk6w zas
przyjmuje sic osoby W wieku
cd lat IS do IS. Generalnym
sekretarzem Zwjazku Marc.
dowego Polskiego Jest: F,
H. Jabtohski. 1o2-1o4 W.
Division Str, Chicago. Ill
Najpewnjejszem zaS anglo
an1erykahskiem towarzyst-
wen zabezpieczenia zycia jest
M e etropolitan Lif e
ms sura nee w New
Yorku. majace file j agent6w
W kazdem miescie w Stanach
Zjednoczonych Ameryki Poi
nocoej. w tenn towarzystwie
MONA sic. kaza6 zabezpieczyt
ma najwyzsze sunny. a zabez
pieczaja ludzi W wieku az do
70 lat. Adres tego towarzy-
stwa. Metropolitan Life In
suraucc Co., Home office Mr..
I. Madison ave-. New York
City, N. Y.
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1895-1919, 1901-03-07

.boxer6w, "a przyzwo-
leniem m0carstw "a
granicznych, kara
smierci zamlenion4
zosta4a ma dozYwot-
ME wygnaniez z granic
cesarstwa chinsklego.
Cesarz chihski ma
wr6cic z ca}ym dwo-
rem W miesiac>, Mar
Gu b. r. do Pekinu i
rozkaza} odrestauro-
wac W tym celu swo-
je apartameuta i pa
lace. Cesarz chinski
widzac, re hr. WAL
derse pocz9} organi-
zowac wielk9 ekspe-
dycya W g}ab Chin,
przestraszony tenn
zgodzil sic ma wszel-:
kie ustepstwa przez
mocarstwa dyktow:a'-
ne, a teraz gl}6!W,nl|:ie'' pie
sic tylkEo 70 !, o;zehodzM16 ); O ! M j 9
bedzie mocarst;iwom f
Q to, W jaki sposob
odszkodowania Cd
Chm wydosta6, boo
wszystkle zr6d}a juz
cd starego d}ugu Chin
So prawie jak zase-
kWestrowane. Od-
szkodowania wYnosza
przesz}o 400 Milo
now dol.
HAVANA.-Sejm,
ustanawiajacy kon-
stytucya dln wyspy
Kuby, przyje} para
graf, opiewajacy ze
wYspa Kuba ME "a
wrze zadnych soju-
STOW z zadnem pan
stwem, wskutek kt6-
rego istnienie wyspy
by4oby zagrozone.
Jest to jedna z pro
pozycyj Stan6w Zied.
roczonych..
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1895-1919, 1901-03-07
Drobne Eclla.

NIEZALEzNY ksiadz A.
Klawiter przyby} z Philadel-
phil do Chicago. by ob:at
para6a Przemienienia PAM
skiego ma Division ulicy.
NlEZALEZNY PASTOR
T. Wyszomirski : Thorp.
Wis, udaje sic do Philadel-
phi, by objat duszpasterstwo
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1895-1919, 1901-03-07

PA1] PoAONs 10y |oNNN Aio1
czy W jednej chwili niespo~
dzianie owoce dlugoletnich
zabieg6w, ciezk'e sprowadza-
iac nieszczescia ma jednostki
i rodziny, doprowadzajac lie
czeszokroc nawet do mate
ryalnej nedzy. Rozliczne So
takiego zubozenia.
Kazdemu grozi niebezpie~
czetfstwo, re jego dom, spree
ty zasoby przez wlasna lub
obca nieostroznoSc, W skutek
nieszczeSliwego przypadku
]ub ludzkiej zlosliwosci, stana
sic pastwa plomieni, zostana
zamienione W perzyne.
Bu)ne lany rolnika niweczy
czestokroe grad.
Kazdego zas z mas czeka z
absolutna pewnoscia starost
lub - co gorsza - przed~
Smierf. Wiadomo,
co sic dzieje z rodzinami
przez kleske elementarna
.ogoloconemi z calego mienia
swego. O lie gorsze jest po~
Iozenie rodziny przez $miert
pqkbawione) jedynego opie~
kuna zywiciela!
Ku zapobiezeniu tel r6zno-
rodnej nedzy. jaka poszcze~
g6lne osoby Gale rodziny
nawiedza, podaje przezorno$t
srodek zaradczy - W insty~
tucyach zabezpieczenia.
Wszystkie zatem instytu-
eye zabezpieczenia. czy cd
ognia. czy cd choroby
przypadku. czy cd nagIej
niespodziewanej smierci, ja-
kiemi So towarzystwa zabez-
pieczcnia zycia, wszystkie
wymySl'}a i zafozyla przezor-
nose dla zapob,ezepia tym
kleskom a raczej smutnym
nastepstwom tych kiosk.
Aby sic ma wartoSci "a
bezpieczed wszelkich poznat,
trzeba ma to juz pewnej dol
rzalosci umys}owej. Cz}owiek
niemyslacy. niezaradny pew
ME sic ma MIA niezdobedzie .
Potrzeba tel pewnego hartu,
a prey zabezpieczeniu zycja
potrzeba serca ola rodziny,
ably kosztem poswiecen'a
niejednej moze przy)elnnosci,
rozrywki lub wygody, od~
mawianiem sobie lepszego
bytu dla siebie ma dzisiaj.
kosztem nieraz zaparc;a sic
siebie stworzyt TEN byt ola
rodziny W przysz}osci ]ub
choc srodki umozliwiajace
dalsza prace. zarobek i utrzy~
NAME takowej.
Glossy powaznych ekono-
mist6w zgodzily sic ma to. il
pomiedzy wszystkiemI gale
ziami zabezpieczeh najwaz-
n,ejszem jest zabezpieczenie
zycia. bo przedmiotem jego
Jest 6w kapital. kt6ry W
kazdym GLOW eku spoczywa.
v kapital. to Jest jego oso-
& \
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1895-1919, 1901-03-07

LONDYN. N.-Genc-
raj Dewet znowu wv
prowadzi4 Anglik6w
W pole. Me dozwoli}
sic dopedzi6, zmyliw~
sly zupe}nie pogeh.
Przeprawi} sic przez
rzeke Pomaraiczowa
i chociaz z uszczuplo-
nymi szeregami, lecz
znowu grasuje / na-
pada ia garnizonY W
WolnYch Stanach O.
ranii, w ostatniej po-
tyczce na terytoryum
kolonii Kap pablo 20
zo4nlerzy angielsk'ch
zabitych, a 80 dosta-
10 sic do niewoli.
General Dewet ma
obecnie W oddziale
swoim do 2. 500 zof-
merry, po}aczywszy
sic z genera}em Hert-
zogem. Ma tez De-
wet duzo konl zapa-
sowych.
Przez kilka dni po-
dawa}y gazety an
gielskle telegramy,
jakoby>genera} Boe-
row Botha podda} sic
.lordowi Kltchenero-
wi, lecz wiadomoSci
te okazafy sic fa}szy-
wemi.
Jak sic teraz Okla
zuje, wojska boer-
skie, kt6re tore general
French sciga} j oto-
czyl a kt6re to potem
tax :zgrla,b'nie sic
wymk|'''n'e}y, ME by}y'.
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1895-1919, 1901-03-07
TELEGRAMY.
BELGRAD. .-Zda-

BELGRAD.- .-Zda-
je sic, re kr6l Ale~
ksander wyjedzie ma
d}uzszy czas "a gra-
nice, gdyz GAIA Serbia
lest oburzona ma kr6-
la z powodu tego, ze
ME bra} udzia}u W
pogrzebie ojca swe-
60. Przysz4o do wlel-
klch rozruch6w, przy~
czem kawalerya i pie
chota zacieta wake
stoczyta z t}umem,
kt6ry wprz6d bonn
bardowa{ kamieniaml
pa,}ac kr6lewski. Re-
wolucya lada dzlen
Wybuchnie. Wo]ska
wszystkie W pogoto-
win So trzymane.
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1895-1919, 1901-03-07
ktor wYdawca: HierOntnl DerdOwskt.

pod komtnda gen.
Botha, lecz gen. ku-
kasza Meyera. Gene
raj Botha zas re
swoim wojskiem zaia4
ty}y kolumny gen.
Frencha, znajduje sic
miedzy Ermelo i
Middleburg i odcia}
tegoz komunlkacye z
g}6wna kwatera. Gen.
French znajduje sic
W przykrem po}oze-
nlu pomledzy dWoma
ogniami. Pred MIN
gen. Meyer, "a MIN
gen. Botha.
PETERSBURG.-
Donosz9 z dalekiego
wschodu, re rad ja-
pohski wyst6sowa} do
Petersburga note z
zapytaniem, jake So
ostateczne zam1ary
Rosyi =s :wzgledem
Mandzpry,. Jedno-
czeSnie pos@owie ja-
pohscy W Berlinie i
|Londynie otrzymali
instrukcye wybadania
Anglli i Niemiec, o
lie Japonia moze IL
czy6 ma te pahstwa W
razle zatargu z Ro-
sya. Tymczasem So
tak ze wiadomoSci, re
Rosya rozszerza
zwolna swoje pano-
wapie juz i mad Mon
golia. Jestto olbrzy-
MIA prowincya ma
p6}nocy Chin, daleko
wieksza Cd Nandzu-
ryi. Opinia publlczoa
W Japonij jest ogro~
mnie wzburzoua po~
stepkami Rosyi W
.Chinach i radaby po~
stawi6 te kwestya ma
'ostrzu miecza, gdyhy
sic znalaz}o energlcz-
ne poparcie W Euro.
pie
PEKIN NV obec-
noSci wojsk cudzo-
zlemskich i licznego
4l-,o,, no,o4o ~, DC
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1895-1919, 1901-03-07

lewita w. Ziemblhski Chi-
cago. Ill.
MILWAUKEE, Wis.,
w Niedziele, 3 Marca. odby.
Iy sic W tutejszym kosciele
sw. Jacka, prymicye ks. F.
Nowaka, wyksztalconego ma
w polskiem semina-
ryum duchownem W Detroit
TAME wyswieconego.
SHEBOYGAN, Wis.-Sier-
zant Jacobs tutejszego de-
partamentu policyi przyjecha}
z Chicago onegdaj wieczorem
maiac W swej opiece Antonie-
go kamlhskiego, oskarzonego
0 kradziez bicykli tutsjszej
okolicy, zeszlego roku.
SCRANTON, Pa: - Dnia
14go Lutego zostal zabity
przez poc:ag Jersey Central
kolei Franciszek Protnowski.
zam. ma Elm ul.
CHICAGO. A. Kral IL lat
i J. Walkowski 13 lat areszto-
wani "a kradziez ma torze
kolejowym, wzbudzili TAXA
sympatya W sedziu SABBATH,
ze ten ME tylko ich wolno
puScil. ale dal i'm jeszcze IS
dowiedziawszy SIG. re matka
krala wdowa ME moze pra-
cowac a ma 6~cioro dzieci
nieletntch.
w NANTICOKE, Pa.,
nastepujacy Polacy alderma-
nami wybrani zostali: J6zef
Baro wski, we wardzie trzeciei
i Antoni Oborski, we wardzie
dz'esiatej.
TOLEDO.-A. A: Parys-
XII raby} posiadto$c PIP. Mi
ehalskich prey rogu ulic La
grange i KoSciuszko. ,sztor"
zostanie odnowiony i pan
Odalski otworzy tam ksiegar--
nie oraz sk}ad materyal6w
piSmiennych.
W CUSTER, Wis.,, spalil
sic dom J6z. Kluczykow-
skiego, szkody wynosza 8
tysiecy. TAME drzewo,
spade przewr6conych sani.
przywali]o i zadusi}o Mode
go M. Lemarfczyka.
SOUTH BEND, Ind. Ga.
zety angielskie oglosily, IL
policya aresztowala Francisz.
ka Malickiego. Ignacego
k'emnec i Sylwestra Szmad-
de, oskarzonych o obrabo-
wan'e ma publiczne, drodze
Micha'a Kubis aka, niedaleko
salonu OBJ. Polegi. ma Grace
ul,cy. Beda oni stawieni pred
'awe ssdz'ow przysieg}ych "
sadzie obwodowym.
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1895-1919, 1901-03-07

po A. Klawitrze. -Zawia.
dowca parafii W Thorp. Wis.
mianowany zosta} n'ezalezny
lewita w. Ziemblhski z Chi.
cago. Ill.
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1895-1919, 1901-03-07

PEKIN.-W obec-
noSci wojsk cudzo-
zlemskich i licznego
t@umu scleto tn rs
Lutego dw6ch przY-
wodzc6w chinskich
boxer6w, Chih Stu,
wiel. kanclerza pan
.stwa, chihskiego, j
Hsu Cheng Yo, syna
6miertelnego wroga
chrzeScian Hou Tsun-
ga. Intnym doW6dcom
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
Ribbon Stockings.

Ribbon stockings are one of the lat
est fads of Dame Fashion and clever
girls who like to keep in the forefront
OF the dress procession, but who also
have to count the pennies carefully,
are making their own. The founda-
ton for the ribbon trimmed stocking
is a plain black stocking silk or Isle.
Bands of ribbon half an inch wide
and three inches long. each end fin
ished with little loop. are fastened
upon the stockings in such way that
they form a gradually widensd figure.
At the ankle the ribbon bands are
side by side ard almost touch. but at
the calf, where they terminate, with
a small buckle, they are two or three
inches apart. This gives a pretty
shape to the ankle and makes n fat
leg appear round. The most refined
of these ribbon trimmed stockings are
of fine black Isle, trimmed with black
satin ribbon. The bands are fastened
to the stockings with very small safety
pins or with tiny jeweled pins. An
other stocking novelty is the black
one trimmed with very large ribbon
bow, which is fastened upon the In
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
Faith and Works.

Two colored brethren were walking
along the road discussing faith arI
works. Mr.. Johnsing was strong on
faith and Mr.. Thomson pinned his
faith to works. Il jes' believe" says
Johnsing, ION lying down on the
promises and jes trusting in de Lord
until He done brung it to pass" Il
believe in de promises, just same as
you do, but laws, | additionally b1ieve
dat man should jes' do all he can ter
bring dem promises around hissef
Suppose my boy Jim says, L want a
drink l say, What for you botherin'
me about it? Go to de spring and get
Say, WHAT'S dat dust in the road?
Dat am Mistah Carter's bulli" Mr..
Johnsing went over one fence and M.
Thomson over the other fence, leaving
the animal clear road. After walk
ing some distance in the fields they
came together, and Mr.. Thomson cried
out in derision: "Eh, oh my! Did
I see Brother Johnsing lying down on
dem promises?-a restin' on dem
promises. when de bull came down de
road? Eth, eh, oh mol" 'Hol' on dar,
hop on dar, doan you go circumventin'
me and a-jeerin' me. ies want to tell
you mighty plain dat when de Lord
made dem promises, dar warn't no
sich animals aroun'. No sab! Oar
animal was contingency, sah."
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
OLD 81 on ANARCHISTS.

Dis heah measley man whut shot
de president is wun er dem annykists.
dey tells me?" said Old 81.
That's what he says
We'll. hits high time dis nashun
put up de bars ginst dem KIN OBJ
beastes."
How are you going to tell who is
an anarchist and who isn't?"
by dere names. boss. by dere berry
names. Look at dish yer Chozzlegoshy
man. Eff hit Gums purity nigh putin
yer jaw outer jint jest ter pronounce
hiz name, whut yer reckon 'ud happen
eff yer shud fall ober hit in de dark :?
Yer min me. desc yer foxes wild names
patch'd up outer scraps O. de alfy-
bet flung out oh de fackry whar der
gibs decent peoples dere entitlements
amt no fit cattle ter tu'n loose in
er free country. Now yer heah me
talkin'.'-Sam Small in the Atlanta
Constitution.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
now NE cor CREDIT roa a D1,rm.

now HE GOT CREDIT FOR = DIME.
A suburban grocer was outwitted the
other day by an old darky whom no
one would ever suspect OF being so
shrewd. The negro went to his gro
Gerry and called for dimes worth of
molasses. The order was promptly
flled by the proprietor of the store,
who is seldom caught mapping Hand
ing the old darky the jug the grocer
asked for his dime.
Hits in de bottom of de Jug" was
the bland response.
We'll. how am | to get my money!"
asked the astonished merchant.
Yer gifts yer money when us eats
de lases up
1t was credit the darkey was after.
and he got it.-Memphis Scimitar.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
NOT DANGEROUS.

81 think | have discovered an anar-
chist." said an excited woman as she
stopped a policeman on Cumberland
street.
What makes you think so?" was
asked.
We'll. he's got long hair and wears
old clothes"
That's no sign, ma'an."
And he drinks beer"
so do l."
And he gets out in his back yard
and talks to himself and filings his
arms about, and it makes shivers go
over me to watch him
What does he say?" asked the Of
ficer with little more interest.
Why. sir. it's all about the cold.
cold winter. and the white white snow.
and somebody who was laid in a
grave
"Ah. see. He's no anarchist.
ma'am-hes a poet They always act
that way
And he isn't dangerous
Not a bit of it."
And | needn't lock the doors and
shiver when l hear him going on?"
Not at all"
Thank heaven that | met you, You
don't know how you have relieved my
mind. | shall go right back home now.
and If he's out in his back yard talk
ing about cold weather III even dare to
ask him If he's eaten something to
give him pain!"-Brooklyn Citizen.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
Used and Unused Rails.

The elevated structure of the Man
haitian road has long been sustaining
a weight of four tons to every sixty
feet of track more than is necessary.
The laying of new rails was begun
many months ago, but most of the
laying has never advanced further
than a mere stringing out The new
rails weigh 100 pounds to the yard
and each is 20 yards in length. What
puzzles the observant passenger from
day to day is the corrosion of the un-
used rails with scaly rust, whereas the
old rails on which trains are con-
stantly travelling remain bright. This
brightness is not confined to the head
of the rail alone, which friction might
be expected to keep polished, but eX-
tends over web, base and fish-plate.
The philosophy of the thing is simple,
but passengers have not looked it up.
New york Press.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
ssssssssssssssssss5 ss5ssss=ssssssssssA
4 Moonshiners i'm Ireland.
NsGsSEgE gEsssEEEEEsE@GEssES

to return to the house without wee
dhrop" handy. II one man runs short
of money another has a sixpence or
two to spare, so that before the gath
ering has been long on the island there
are signs of over-indulgence.
By and by this one and that dispose
themselves on the grass to get
much-needed nap. There is big de-
crease in the call for mugs and cups,
and a decided increase in the amount
of noise. This even grows sometime.
despite many recruits to the ranks of
the sleepers. Then, in most cases, the
cry police, police" will come echo
ing over the water. In an instant all
is excitement. The wooden tap is
pulled out of the keg and bung in
serted. They take to boats moored
in the adjoining water and are soon
pulling away with the police in pur
suit.
Gradually the unfailing regularity OF
the "cot-men" begins to hold their
pursuers even, and, when the excite
ment of the chase has to an extent
counteracted the effect of the poteen.
their increased strength of arm sends
them ahead. When the gap is seen to
be widening loud cheers come from the
pursued. Such as are not rowing
wave their arms and hats wildly and
shout derisively at the policemen. The
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
Flowing tho FEATHER.

A simple and successful game is the
old-fashioned one called Blowing the
Feather" Having provided a sheet
or tablecloth and a small feather such
as sofa pillows are stuffed with, ask
your guests (all but one) to be seated
on the floor in hollow square. The
tablecloth or sheet is then spread so
that the players can hold the edges
of the sides and ends up just under
their chins, thus stretching the cloth
taut about foot and a half above the
floor. Upon the cloth the small feath-
er is placed. and the player who is
left out of the square is then told that
he must do his best to catch it either
in front of or upon some one Of the
seated players, who will then be
obliged to take his place. At a sig
nal the players on the floor begin to
blow, and the feather flies hither and
thither, too, until he catches it at last
on some unwary individual or some
one too weak from laughing to blow
quickly and effectively.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
Cooking In New Zealand.


Cooking without fire would be an
agreeable novelty to American house
keepers in this sultry weather. The
Maori women, the aborigines of New
Zealand. are about the only people on
earth who have this privilege. They
have their cooking stoves provided for
them by Mother Earth. They never
have to make fire or put the kettle
on. Each woman has n steaming box
OF her own, which is always at the
right temperature. This box Is mere
ly an old dry goods box. a shoe box
or q soap box. with the top and bot
tom covered with Stats. 1t is sunk
in the earth over one OF these steam
holes. The food is dropped in and an
old piece of carpet or cloth thrown
over it and in due time 1t is cooked.
Cooking is also done in the boiling
pools. Potatoes are pared and put in
to bags made of a network of rope,
each holding a quarter or half peck.
The bag is then dropped into the pool
and a string which Is fastened to 1t is
tied to the stake outside. In a few
minutes the potatoes are ready for
eating. Meat can be boiled the same
way. or it can be put into a bucket
and steamed. In fact, almost any
thing in the boiling or steaming line
is SO done by these people.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
Tots MT PlRy,

Wordsworth's lines of child at
play, "as If his whole vocation were
endless imitation" were recently re-
called by a conversation overheard in
the children's ward at a provincial
hospital.
A little girl, whose role was that of
nurse, rang an imaginary telephone on
the wall to talk to her companion at
the farther end of the room, who
played the part of doctor.
"Hellol" said the nurse, 'is that the
doctor?"
Yes answered her companion in a
deep voice; this is the DOCTOR"
This lady is very ILL.," he was in
formed.
We'll, what seems to be the matter? p"
"She has swallowed a whole bottle
of ink" said the nurse.
The doctor, not fiurried, inquired
what had been done for the patient;
but the nurse, too, was ready in emer-
gencies.
She answered: II gave her two pads
Of plotting paper!"-London Tit-Bits.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
FOUND HIS MATCH.

Mr.. Wahles." said the landlady, Il
have a word to say to you" Make 1t
a dozen. Mrs. Fry" remarked the
young man. Mr.. Wafles," said the
landlady, you have been smoking in
the parlor." Yes, Mrs. Fry" You
have smoked in the parlor many times.
Mr.. Waifles. And you have smoked in
your room, and in the library and even
in the dining room-and you owe me
three weeks board, Mr.. Waffles." !"
Yes, Mrs. Fry" Where there is so
much smoke. Mr.. Wafiles, there must
be some fire" So she fired him.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
TRICkED.

He-You owe me ten kissesi Pay
up,
.She-Explain. sir.
He-I won EN-. You know very we'll
l wagered dozen gloves against ten
kisses and won, L
She-Oh, but kisses. you know
He (firmly)-Kisses should be paid
just as religiously as any other debt.
She (thoughtfully)-Jus the same
as a note?
Yes"
"Og a check?"
Yes"
"Or-or a draft?'
Certainly"
Then. you dear fellow, I'll give you
a draft on mammal"
(He never smiled again)
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
No "Rocky Fords" in Rocky Fords

A Kansas man who attended the
watermelon festival at Rocky Ford
recently says he never saw anything
like it before in his life. There We're
more than 10000 people on the
grounds. Between $4,000 and 10000
watermelons were stacked in great
heaps along some rude tables. A
hundred men with long knives
slashed the melons open and every
one ate his FILL But what struck the
Kansas man as curious was the alb
sence of the cantaloupe, for which the
place is so justly famed.-Kansas City
Journal.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
ISeyOnd ANY Man,

Are you the man who used to write
articles about How to Live on Ten
Dollars a Week. asked the caller o,
the pale gentleman with the bulging
brow.
Il am he" responded the pale gem
tleman.
well. say, won't you give us one on
How to Build a Thousand Dollar Cot
tage for Five Thousand Dollars
Baltimore American.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
Ole HOUSEHOLD


ADAM. THE MAN WHO NEvEE
WAS A BOY.
OF all the men the world has seen
Since time his rounds began,
There's one l pity every day
Earths first and foremost man:
Just think of all the fun he missed
By falling to enjoy
The dear delights of youthtime,
For-he never was boy.
He never stubbed his naked toe
Against n root or stone,
He never with a pin hook fished
For minnows all alone.
He never sought the bumblebee.
Among the daisies coy,
Nor felt Its business end.
Because-he never was a boy.
He never hockey, played. nor tied
bright and shining pail
Down In the alley all alone.
To a trusting poodle'S tall.
And when he home from swimming came
His pleaHure to destroy
No slipper interfered
Because-he never was boy.
He might remember splendid times
In Eden's bowers-yet
He never acted Romeo
To six-year Juliet
He never sent valentine
Intended to annoy
His good but maiden aunt
Because he never was boy.
He never cut kite string, no.
Nor hid an Easter egg;
He never spoiled his pantaloons
A playin' mumbley-peg.
He never from the attic stole
coon hunt to enjoy,
Nor found the "old man waiting,
For-he never was a boy.
/ pity him. why should 1 not7
/ even drop a tear;
He never knew how much he missed;
He never will | fear.
And always when those dear old days
My memories employ,
! pity him. Earths only man
WEo-never was boy.
-Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29

perfect picture of detection, one of
his rescuers suggested 9TH bist rimedy
in the world for a duckin'."
1t was never known how much po-
teen the three consumed before they
parted, but Mickey's Pat was always
willing to swear that they "wor that
bad they couldn't till their own farth-
ers.''
The bog hole covered the sins OF the
policeman, and it was rumored after
ward that when the sergeant heard of
the occurrence he declared: "Och,
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
CnmsC EmOm.ll.

Housekeeper-''Wh did you leave
your last place."
Faith. the lady and her
husband was always quarreling"
What did they quarrel about?"
"Bekase l wouldn't lave till me two
weeks was up.''-Boston Traveller.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1901-10-29
A FIGURE OF SPEECH.

A strange little boy who'd been to
school,
And was up to all sorts of tricks,
Discovered that nine. when upside
down,
Would pass for the figure six.
So when asked his age by kind old
dame.
The comical youngster said:
I'm nine when | stand on my feet like
this,
But six when l stand on my head"
Truth.