Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1901-10-21
SUCH IS MAN.
Rates Lying Ability High But Cannot
Fool His Better HALF,
0Ssersas ems OF Lady Dry Coos c.c,t :,
Masculine lmperit c.ions

'"V "''ei ""' "'ShtS that would an
peal TO the synp2thles of tbe mac,
hard hearted; sights thar waro roor,
rending. Where you had tn ,u,., yn,,,
face aside to check til. 1ea,s Wv, .,,n.,
not hide. Sights where yo,, foo, III.
iningling your tears with ,be,,. ,nd
when you know and realize that word.
couio NOT convey TO the afflicted VIVA,
you 1elt for them and theils. R,, o,o
VI tne sad"st sights to me is 10 ye. :,
man walk Into dry goods Store ana
try and remember what his wife sa,t
nm after She told him in good n,,;n
EnSHsh when he started from homo
!"H' "hat she wanted. and he was GO
ing to remember it and on tho IN,
WV" town. ensfosSed with his bust
ness the erfand has slipped from his
ihihd ana when he reaches the dry
goods store his mind is a blank Ne
cant tell all wool de lane from silk
When he lines up in front of the
:alesIadN. he can't remember ,vb.,b.,
1t was spool of %. n r. rot,on. mr. :,
pair of eorsets his wife wanted b,,t h,
Knows 1t is something He gazes lorg
ana well at the saleslady houjn1
against hope that she's mind reader
and can search the dark recesses of HE
wisdom box and tell him Just What II
W>'s his wife wanted. Then he feasts
MS eyes on four of five thousand ar
ucles temptingly displayed in the vain
nope that some one of those articlas
must be the one that is wanted and H..
s!sht OF IT Will recall his scattered
senses
lie makes Il sort of inventory of IN.
STOCK but the article so much wanted
ana so essential to his peace of mind
fails To materalZe The lady ebert,
does her best to keep up thu, converse
tion and assist him in collecting hi.
scattered wits and above ali to mako
nm think he is not half the fool he
looks. hut with all her tact she only
partially succeeds and il begins To
dawn unon him that he has run m
against q pretty stiff proposition. 50 h,
stands there the picture of dispair with
about as much expression to his fara III
there would be- to Il home made cheese
Others customers come ANA 90 but H..
myers. He realizes that the chance. is
about one 10 a million Of the cloud over
lis brain ever being lifted. 50 hr ,,n
grasp the idea Of what in thunder his
VIE wanted. but he figures on taking
that one chance for he .Iocs hot relish
the idea of returning to the family
mansion empty handed for Wifev's
memory is very good for one OF her age
and she is Very likely TO hold this over
him like the avenging sword.
He stands there like a putty bust of
benjamin Franklin counting over his
on ms fingers the various articles sold
IN a dry goods store. Customers COM
ing and going look NJ him and Won Ter
as they hear him enumerating the aif-
ferent articles. Some tap their fore
heads significantly while others wonder
now long he has been 50 and If it's a
hopeless case. At last he realizes that
its no use: he must give it up ana re-
turn 10 his better half empty handed
and tell her the truth or get as near Ia
ii as he can without hitting it. So H."
puts on smile so child-like and bland
and explains tn the patient >alcslady
that his wife is a little particular about
some things especially dry goods and
he suesses on second thought he will
let her come in and select for herself.
The clerk takes refuge behind the
pile OF prints to hide her smile that will
show itself while the would-be pur-
chaser of dry goods we'll satisfied with
the bluff he has put up walks out.
once clear Of the store he realizes that
there is another ordeal that he must
90 through and 4 higher tribunal be-
fore which h. must appear and that's
his Wife The remainder Of the fore
noon is spent in rehcarsing a story that
he thinks his wife will swallow without
asking too many questions.
He. tries one or two stories on the
clerk Just to see if he has lost his
grip in the noble art of prevaricating.
hut the clerk heaves a sign and keeps
his face like sphynX. The prople-
tor concludes after a second trial that
it's loves labor lost ana bottles up his
surplus energy for the grand tlnai-
which is sure to come when h. gets
home.
'By | O'Clock he has rehcar>ed the
story so many times that he is begin
ming to believe it himself, 50 home re-
goes The dinner is Well underway and
he begins to congratulate himself that
the worst is over and wiley has forgot
ten the errand when she bethinkS hcr-
self and saws i came near forgetting.
did YOU get my things" Papa braces
himself and answers: No my dear:
went all over town but they did not
have any. but will have some tonor-
row. You remind ME Of it again i'll the
morning. or better still. write it down
and | will step in and get it
"A long pause-just long enough for
wiCev TO realize that her legal lord is
flirting with the truth. She tries to
catch his eye, but its no go for he's in
terasted in the tabl" ware. She says:
WHY what a funny old town this IS.
M cotton cloth in this city. W hat DO
You think has caused the drought.
dear? The Boer war or the boat race
Papa realizes he is drafted ana III Inc
sweetest tones ina ginable says: Whey.
there are some things your husband
can 40 better than any other man ny
irn I'M when il comes to lying he mas