Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1901-11-16

ranted Not to Fade or Shrink.-Life
A Painters Limjtations.-The Patron
DO you guarantee satisfaction" The
Artist-"No, madam: l paint ikenesses."
Indianapolis News.
Not Their First She-"Georg,
baby has a tooth" He-'Has heE
thought he looked all cut up about some
thing baltimore World.
"DiS 'Stralan ballot system hez tetolly
ruint me-" said the colored campaigner.
How is that?'
II wuz de champion voter in de coun-
tyr'-Atlanta Constitution.
His name, subj explained the colored
citizen, rs plain Moses, but his nanny
call i'm Honey Sweetness, kaze he sich
lii devilr'-Atlanta Constitution.
Edith-"He says he loves me for my
self alone. What do You tnlnK of it!'
Ethel-"Well, it's hard telling whether
he's drawing on his humor or his imagi-
na ton. Judge.
Self-centered.- isn't that brigantine
that's just coming up?" inquired the first
passenger Il think not" replied the
seasick man near by. Il don't remem-
Der having eaten a brigantine. "-Phila-
delphia Press.
Lieutenant-"Fine horse. fraulein.
Splendid gait, great intelligence"
Lady-'Yes, but only think, yesterday
he ran away with me-"
Lieutenant-''Ah! possesses good taste,
too."-EXchange
A Cinch Game.-Mrs. Waggles-"I
met the doctor today, and told him about
your malaria. He said you were to take
some whisky every time. YOU had the
chills." Waggles-"All right. my dear.
III shake for the drinks. Judge.
Mother-You are a nice little hoy. Ir
dividing that apple you kept the half
with a wormhole for yourself and let
sister have the other half.
Johnny-Yes; / s'pected the worm had
bored through to t'other side.-Boston.
Transcript
Sized Him Up-"A man is known by
his works" declared the irrepressible re-
former who was addressing a large and
enthusiastic audience. Yours must be
a gasworks," shouted rude, uncultured
person who occupied a back seat.-Balt-
more American.
DIPLOMATIC earrings are very
pretty. she said, with just a tinge of
disappointment, but the stones are very
small" but, my dear" replied the foxy
man, IF they were any larger they would
be all out of proportion to the size of
your ears."-Philadelphi Press
Sir exclaimed the legislator who had
been approached" feigning Indignation
in the Eope of raise, how dare you
offer me this gross insult?'
Pardon me" replied the lobbyist, who
knew his man; but this offer is abso-
lute)y net. "-Philadelphia Press.
"'LizA'e. does you hab dat joyful feel
runner of 'possum for dinner"
"Um. / never believes we's gwine ter
have 'possum till | hab dat joyful feel
in in my stomach which is de after
runner of habng had him. Life.
The late Lord Morris, on one occasion,
gave characteristic illustration of the
meaning of ''prima-facie evidence" If"
he said to jury, you saw a man COM
ing out of public house wiping his
mouth that would be prima-facie evil
dence that he had been having drink
Grandma-"Now, Willie, what are they
E,,..A'S ~ Wv WIN SON "ANh SOu SAOh dPs
What is your ambition"
Little Willie quitting down his Dead
wood Dick I'D like to have people
remble like aspen leaves at the very
mention of my name. Boston Christian
Register.
Once a distinguished Russian grand
duke found himself charged 20 francs
apiece for dollhouse peaches at the old
Cafe de Paris, in the French metropolis.
Are dollhouse peaches so scarce then.
even in midwinter?' he asked. NO"
replied the maitre d'hotel, but grand
dukes are"
But" Kissed the heavy villain, Sup
pose our plot should leak ont
HIS miserable accompHce shivered at
the thought.
But it can't" cried the low comedian,
emerging at that moment from behind a
wage tree, because from now on the plot
A.ekens, You know. "-Phiadeiph Press.
backlots-"Are you going to the fancy
dress ball?"
Subbubs-"Yes. I'm going as tramp"
ali Have you got your costume
Subbubs-"Yes. I'll wear my dress
Sa.t. Ny wife forgot to put il ont of the
Courier.
DIDN'T tell you wanted you to run
Third time.
b; les nav" said Johnnie laying down
MS literature.
And as the boy started 10 the grocery
S g. mattered to himself: Il hope Seven
a.Stred Sam won't kill Old SeHth til
nal ViuAiiOuS VO"io' wac "-
h. Most remarkable" he commented as
=, cooked over his paper Then he began
TIE Tie beginning and went over il again
t5Tq.y astonishing he added.
nat is?" they asked.
:" far as / can discover" he said