The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1901-05-17

The victim Of the bent pin knows
we'll when it is sprlngtimc. Boston
Courier.
IT is all plane sailing for the pc or
girl when the jaunty little sailor hats
are in fashion. -Plcayune.
81 SHALL state the whole case in
sentence, as the judge said when
he arraigned the prisoner. Cleveland
Plaindealer.
The diamond cutters trade affords
proof that it takes hard work TO
achieve brilliant results. -Philadel-
phia Record.
THE Columbian stamp has done
more to make man Ticker fiend than
any influence Of this generation. -
Yonkers Gazette.
A MAN is never so welded to his call
Ing that he can't be diverted from 1T
when he is called to his wedding
Glens Falls Republican.
WHATEVER it may prove ultimate
ly, up to date the Geary law hasn't
proved much of Chinese laundry
CHECK. -
GIRL-"But his father has left him
well off," Honest Friend-"Well off!
| He has left him a taste for liquor and
not cent of money."-Life.
SOMEBODY says most of the hand
organs are owned by one company
and hired out. Another grinding
monopoly. Philadelphia Times.
AMONG the latest forms of enter
tainment is one they call "An even
ing with the poets" Eating has no
place on the program. Buffalo Cour-
| Ter.
"MIeGs is lucky old chap, isn't
hep" an what way" "lle's color
blind" "What advantage is that?"
"He can't tell when he's blue. Inter
| Ocean.
| MENAGERIE AssIsTANT-The big os-
trich attempted to swallow a turnlp
to-day and choked itself. Manager
H'm! Got it in the neck. New York
Press.
WHEN married man dscards Gig
arettes, cheroots, aud his meerschaum
and takes to a clay pipe, he is in the
seventh age of the welded state
Chester News.
| HICKs-"You found good deal of
fault with that pudding and yet you
ate the whole of it," Wicks-"4e
it tasted so abominably, l knew it
must be good for me. boston
Transcript
MoTHER-"Paul, just step into the
next room and see if grandpa is
asleep" Paul Qeturning after a short
time) Mamma, the whole of grand
pa is asleep, only his nose is awake
yet. "-Humoristiche Batter.
DETECTIVE (hurriedly)-Where die
that fellow go who just ran out of the
hotel? Citizen Still rubbing the toe
that the fugitive stepped on)-I don't
know; but l hope he'll &C where
told him to.-Detroit Tribune.
JACK LEvER-You seem to Shave
as conscientiously as though you were
performing a religious rite. jim
Hickey-In this case it is only an act
of mercy; l am going to call on Miss
Darlington this evening. = Puck.
| FooTPAD = Gimme your money
Mr.. Lushforth (disgustedly)-Do you
suppose / would be goin' home at
o'clock If l had any money? You are
the biggest chump have met in
a month of Sundays. -1ndianapoli:
Journal.
SIAM. which has never had lega
ton in this country, has established
one at Washington, where her dreamy
representative will be able to show
the hustling diplomats of othel
countries the real Siam ease.-Phila
delphia Ledger
| 1--WE been sitting quietly on this
fence just twenty-five minutes by the
watch" he said, watching that cal
crouching by that rat-hole, and she
hasn't so much as moved an ear, fol
I've kept an eye on her steady. what
a fool cat is!"-Puck.
"DID Brown stand the civil-Servict
examinations" First class" "Went
through the Greek alphabet" "Just
a-hummin'! "And the Latir
| VERBS! Every Ouc VI Siu' w ho'
place did they give him." "Heat
coal. shoveier. " - Atlanta Constitu
tion.
SAID a sharp attorney to a ram
bling witness: "Now, you must give
explicit and exact answers. YOU
said you drove milk wagon, did yor
not?" mo, sir, l didn't" "Don't
you drive a mi wagon?" mo, sir.
"Ahal What do you s.r?" 81 drive
a boss, sir. Animals Friend.
How DID you ever get Henderson
to propose?" "Why, l declined to &C
to the opera with him one night be
cause l was going with his friend
Martin, and then | got papa to write
to Henderson and ask If Martin wa:
a man of means Henderson came
around that night. bulletin.
OLD PARTY-Thank you, Antoine
thank you very much. Aldo they
allow tipping here? Antoine-Oui,
m'sier. Old Party-And are the
gusts liberal? Autoine-Non, mister
&c rule is re ozzaire way. Old Party