Evening star., 1901-09-07
A MAN WITHOUT A SOUL

Say" iinuireaI wearily. the somewha,
worn-looking young man on the west-bound
green car, "did you ever have soulless
| country uncle? I've got one. I've just put
him on train and sent him back to Tunk-
hammock Centre. t don't mean .souliess' in
any sense except the literal one-human
being without soul. I don't apply 1t to
| my uncle because he is stingy or miserly
or mean ori anything like that, because he
isn't, and fhere'si nothing he's got that
want, anyhow; simply mean that he was
born, and dhas come right along through
ii1e, without the thing known as soul.
ihis was his f1rstsvisit to Washington. 1t
was up to me to take him around the city
ana snow him thetsights. I was glad to do
TINS. regard Washington as the loveliest
city on earth, and was tickled to have a
cnance TO show it of to relative who
never seen 1t before. I pictured the way
MS eyes would stick out over the surpass-
lns beauty or grandeur of some Of our
SNOW points, and worked UP quite a pro-
PIietary interest In the layout. took three
days of for the purpose of guiding my
uhcle ABOUT, and I was prepared to listen
20 superlatives from him during the entire
| three days
Wen, hadn't been showing him around
any time at all before ascertained that I
hau my charts mixed. Washington didn't
make even little bit Of hit with him.
! a,. Manleo to gradually lead him UP to fine
Gnmaxes OF enthusiasm ON his part, and so
l nrst TOOK him through the patent office.
l thought that the exhibition Of this coun-
lly swift progress in inventive ingenuity
Wouio let MIN In easy. He didn't bat an
eye. Said 'Uh-huh' when 1 took him
through the model room. yawned behind
ms hand and looked sleepy Then whirl-
eu MN In an automobile to the National
Museum. Inquired that the strange and
Wohuerful things shown at this layout
woulo wake him up, but I was mistaken
AGAIN; He passed from case to case of
eAnlpitS with scarcely a word, and If
naan ss known different I'd have come away
from the National Museum thinking that
after all. e-'
FROM there had him fooled In the au-
eomoDne a to the Washington monument
ana ana we went to the top. 1 was confident
.nas tnls mighty, massive pile, clear-cut
against the turquoise sky, etc, would para
we man from Tunkhannock Centre
VINO VINO never seen 1t before. and calculated
Ihal the sublime view from the top of 1t
YOU'D Just about take away his breath.
out, nix, 1t never feazed him. He didn't
Even say that it was torable. On the con-
trary he looked bored
Mas was still trying to figure out this
oiase manner of the country individual,
When l concluded to wheel him up to the
oapltol TO see If that noble pile would get
To,n Motd h; OF commendation out of him
Iook MIN all through the building, from
ene crypt to the dome, had the guide point
out all the historic hooks, and talked my
ssia seir noarse endeayoring to present the
gave me was the bored 'Uh-huh.' He fid-
geted around so that I could see that he
would rather be somewhere else. I was
uetermined, II possible, however, to screw
at ieaSt word or so Of praise out of him
over the beauties of the Capitol, and so I
persisted In pointing out the noble interior
ana exterior features Of the edifce with
an OF the enthusiasm at my command He
alt
Ing over the state Of mind of ANYBODY who
couid take delight in such a tawdry affair
as the United States Capitol building.
an, however, said 1 to myself. Just wait
may not warm up over the Capitol or the
monument or any little things like those.
but III bet he'll go right up in the air and
make make Rube show of himself and me
When we set foot within the library
fact Is, ! felt quite heap Of anticipa-
tory triumph over the gappy way I knew
ne would exhibit when 1 got him over to
the sumptuous library building
"On our way over there 1 called his at
tentton to the fine, impressive simplicity
Of the exterior Of the library building He
only grunted In reply. This disappointed
il me trlne, but I knew that when he got
inside he'd be elevated in spite of himself
over the grandeur of the entrance The
scene that bursts upon the view as you
enter the Congressional Library is enough,
l take 1t, to give almost any normal h1I-
man being a gulp-that is to say, any nor
NAL human being with a soul; which I re-
peat most. decidedly and unequivocally.
that my uncle has not. He stepped into
the Library of Congress with me, and he
glanced around him as IL he were in the
kitchen OF his plant in Tunkhannock Gem
tre. It didn't soften him up or mellow him
little teenchy bit. I paraded him through
the superbly decorated corridors
Glorious, eh? said l. with difficulty re-
straining the heat that was mounting be-
meath my collar. -
"'Uh-huh.' he replied.
Beaut1ful color scheme that eh?' said
I, pointing to the famous peacock girl on
the wall.
"'Uh-huh' said he.
There's room for more than 5000 coo
volumes in this library said 1, seeing that
mere beauty didn't impress him and think
ing that perhaps big round numbers would
rouse him.
"'Um, answered this soulless uncle OF
mine
"Weil, that was about all for me-
passed. had about all could do to hold
down a violent exhibition Of disgust. On
our way down the avenue in the electric
machine caused a stop to be made at the
Center market. l didn't imagine that he d
see 1t from any point Of view, but I felt It
to be a sort of duty to put him next to the
fact that In addition to other things we
have perhaps the finest market building in
America. He didn't betray the slightest
interest or enthusiasm over the extent of
the building or the fine, orderly spreading
out or 1tS contents. But at one Of the
stands he stopped and picked up a big
tuber. His eyes lighted up with huge in
terest.
"'By cracky! he exclaimed, but them.s
fine potatoes, b'gosh!
wouldn't that waterlog you?-the very
first word of commendation that he had
uttered since he'd been in Washington and
then to break loose over the size of some
spuds, that he's been raising on his Tunk-
hammock Centre farm all his lifei Isar-
castically offered to buy him a barrel of
the potatoes, but he was too OPAQUE to see
the sneer. and he replied that he'd harvest
ed I forget how many bushels o. potatoes
only they were smaller'n these.
1.-THE next time take three davs of nv
leave off to show soulless country rela-
tive around Washington I'm going to carry
an electric battery or something along with
me to warm him up and screw a Shrek or
two out of him..
The Short Atlantic Route.
From the London Express.
London shipping men talked a good deal
yesterday about the new bill which was