Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1901-04-15

LGrprIS0, II Is Arizona. 1uS Sohu1
tons are most favorable. Aside from
it's territorial capacity, which is GER
tainly too small, there is little lacking
except birthstone. In favor or this
theory is the alleged fact that a hui
man skeleton has been taken from the
solid rock in this canon 5000 feet
from the surface. How did it get
there? The doctrine of resurrection
is well understood. 1t implies an ele-
walton. of the body. But surely, II one
can be thus elevated after death how
much more easily could he be lowered.
Evidently some unusually enterprlslng
and sinful fellow escaped into hades,
taking his bones with him, and here
they have been found in good preser-
walton. Probably our old friend Elijah,
who went up 'in chariot of fire with
horses of fire." if we could only get
at him, would be found well preserved
also.
Besides, there are a great many
other fossils found in this canon which
aroused the curiosity of the learned. l
saw a great tooth, about ten inches
long on the surface and five inches
wide and having more roots than were
ever extracted from any problem in
higher mathematics. 1t was found
imbedded in solid rock more than 1000
feet below the surface. Was that one
of the devils back teeth? Undoubtedly
there were dentists down there in the
early days. Was the old fellow unac-
customed to toothache? Crashing
of teeth seemed to have been ia
yorite pastime in his realm, the
weeping and wailing" following as a
matter of course. May be he has lost
all his teeth by this time and is now
only cumming it. His former pres
tige and power seem to be sadly on
the Wane He seems to have no
weapon left except his forked tail and
any skillful sinner could easily get out
of the reach of that. These are sug-
gestions only and by no means con-
elusive. They were, perhaps, outlined
in the brain of some unhOly scientist
of the agnostic persuasion, who, de-
string to get rid of the devil, saw no
better way of doing so.
$500 for a Tooth.
That tooth, however, was for sale In
show window The man said it was
the tooth of a mastodon. 1t occurred
to me that if l could get a whole set of
them | would do so and present them
to our grand university as an evidence
of life on this globe, antecedent to that
period when I myself was a joyous
student there But the miserable tooth
carpenter, or whatever he was, de-
manded 1880 for the one tooth
was greatly shocked in both soul and
pocketbook. Had he charged about
1915 and given me a chance to beat
him down little would have taken
it and made the grand donation ac-
cordingly. 1t is his fault and not mine
that our 1000 students are to be de-
prived of this satanic or mastodonic
tooth, as the case may be. Though
greatly disappointed in my benevolent
scheme, satisfaction finally overlook
me- | did not have my microscope
along. How could | tell whether that
tooth was pulled from the jaw of a
devil or a mastodon. There were
many other animals in the ancient
days having colossal teeth. How could
tell but that the greedy fellow was
trying to palm off on me the tooth of
some ichthyosaurus, 1abyrinthodont
ornithorynchus, plesiOsaurus, ptero-
dactyl, behemoth, or of some man.
moth entoZOa, or even the tooth OF one
Of Barnum's dead Elephants I was
glad not to get bit by any such hum
bug tooth as that. The next time
feel like going into the tooth business
shall go into the home market, where
| can buy more ayoirdupois of an
cient teeth for half the money, with
aff1davits of identity thrown in. Still,
notwithstanding the false tooth, the
canon is bona fide on large scale.
An Industrial Forecast.
Up to date, no use has been made of
this grand canon except to show it to
strangers. The government owns it
and has set it off with a lot of sur
rounding country, as. a national park.
oAAhCO 4A5OAuACJ3 AOWOSO11 10 CIV WIZ
and always gets there. in. time. A gov
eminent license is to::be obtained A
dam is to be constructed about the
middle of the canon by dynamiting the
rocks on either side and projecting
them into the channel of the great
river. This will be easy and cheap.
It will continue until.fhe dam is one
mile in height, thus backing up the
water into a large lake, 100 miles or
more in length. This will be utilized
for a waterpower. Such power,
with 5000 feet of head, will double dis
count all the. Nfagaras in the world.
Electric machinery will be chiefly
operated by this, power. Redhot cleo
trio wires, in vast numbers, will be
projected into the water below the
dam. The entire river will thus be
converted into steam, which will
ascend into the atmosphere and be
waited, at will, by, means of COM.
OH ord win i1Ic foy. fhOT-