davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09
LETTER LNNII.

Do you forgive me for coming into
your life. belovedg | do no; know in
what way can have hurt you, but l
know that | have Perhaps without
knowing IL we exchange sslves for the
wounds we have given and received ?
Dearest. I trust those send reach
you. | send them. wishing till grow
weak
I have brought In a Wild rose to lay
here in loves cenotaph. among all my
thoughts OF YOU Ii comes from a
graveyard full Of little deaths"
remember once sending you flower
from the same place when love was
still fortunate with us. | must have
been reckless In my happiness to do
that,
Beloved. IL could speak or write
out all my thoughts tiil had emptie,i
rest But there is no emptying the
brain by thinking, Things thought
come to be thought again over and
over. and more and fresh come In their
train, children and grandchildren.
generations OF them. sprung from the
old stock. have many thoughts now.
born of my love for YOU. that never
catIe when we werc together grand
children OF our days of courtship,
Some of them are set down here, but
others escape and viii never see your
facet
II poor word. II has the sound. but
no hope of future life,; still IL you
should ever come back to me and want,
as you would want, TO know something
Of the life in between | could put these
letters that keep into your hands and
trust them to say for me that no day
have been truly-that is to say,
willlngly-out OF your heart. When
Richard Fevercl comes back to his
wife, do you remember how she takes
him TO see their child which till then
he had never scen-and It's likeness to
him as II lies aslcepp Dearest, have
not been as true to you in all that l
leave here written?
II, when | come to my finish. get
any truer glimpse OF your mind and
am sure of what you would wish,
will leave word that these shall be
sent 10 you. II not, must suppose
knowledge is still delayed. not that II
viii not reach you.
Sometimes l try still not to wish to
die. For my poor body's sake l wish
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09

to yours, receiving the close impression
Of a misery in which we are at oneI
Are you, dearest. hungering and thirst
ing for me as l now for you?
: l wonder what to the starving and
drought stricken the taste of death can
be like, Do all the rivers of the world
run together TO the lips then, and all
its fruits strike suddenly to the taste
when the long deprivation ceases to be
a want? Or is it simply ceasing of
hunger and thirst. an antidote to it aT9
may know soon. How very strange
IL at the last forget to think of you,
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09

I most wished. for first I wished to
kneel down and kiss your hands and
feet. and yon would not have liked
that. Even now that you love me NO
more. you would not like me to do such
n thing. A woman can never do as she
likes when she loves-there is no such
thing until LIE shows 1t to her or she di-
vines 1t. loved you, I loved you-that
was all could do. and all wanted to
do.
You have kept my letters? Do you
read them over. / wonder. and do they
tell you differently about me. now that
you see me with new eyesi All. no, you
dare not look at them. They tell too
much truth, How can love letters ever
cease to be the winged things they
were when they first camef fancy
mine sick to death for want OF your
heart TO rest on, but never less loving.
If you would read them again. you
would come back to me. Those little
notes OF happiness would be too
strong for you. And so you lay them in
a cruel grave of Iavender-"Lavender
for forgetfulness" might be another
song for ophelia to sing.
| am weak with writing TO you 1
have written too long. This is twice to-
day.
do not write to make myself more
miserable-only to fill up my time
When | go about something definite.
l can do 1t. To ride or read aloud TO
the old people or sit down at meals
with them is very easy. but | cannot
make employment for myself That re
quires too much effort of invention
and will. and I have only will for one
thing in life-to get through II and no
invention to the purpose. oh. beloved.
In the grave l shall lie forever with
lock Of your hair in my hand. | won
der II beyond there one sees anythingf
My eyes ache today from the pain and
the point where missed you.
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09
LETTER LXI.

You are very Ill. they tell me. Be
loved. ii is such kindness In them TO
have regard for the wish they dlsap-
prove and to let me know. knowledge
is the one thing needful whose lack has
deprived me OF my happiness. The cx-
press image of sorrow is not so terrible
as the foreboding doubt OF it. Not be-
cause you are Ill. but because know
something definitely about you. l am
happier today. little nearer to sem
biance of service to you in my helpless
ness. How much wish you well. even
though that might again carry you out
of my knowledge! And. though death
might bring you nearer than life now
makes possible. pray to you. dearest.
not TO die. II is not right that you
should die yet. with mistake in your
heart which little more life might
clear away.
Praying for your dear eyes TO re
main open. | realize suddenly how
much hope still remains In me. where
I thought none was left. Even your H.
ness l take as a good omen. and the
thought of you, weak as a child and
somewhat like one In your present
g
comes to my heart TO be cherished end
lessly. There you lie. beloved. brought
home TO my Imagination as never since
the day we parted And the thought
comes to the rescue Of my helpless
longing-that II ls as little children
that men get brought into the kingdom
OF heaven. Let that be the medicine
and outcome Of your sickness. my own
beloved | hold my breath with hope
that ! shall have word OF you when
your hand has strength again to write
for | know that In sleepless nights ano
In pain you will be unable not to think
OF me.
All. my own one beloved. whom l
have loved 80 openly and ~ secretly. II
you were as l think some other men
are ! could believe that had given
you so much of my love that you had
tired OF me because ! bad made no
favor OF H. but had let you see that I
was your faithful subject and servant
TIL death, so thnt after 20 years you.
CHANGING upon an empty day In your
life. might come back and md me still
yours. as tomorrow, u you came. you
would
My pride died when saw love look
Ing Out OF your eyes at me. and 1t has
not come back TO me now that see
you no more. | have no wish that IL
should In all ways possible would
wish TO be as WIS when you loved me
and seek TO change nothing except as
yon bid me
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09
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Cañon City record., 1901-05-09
LETTER LNII.

So | have seen you, beloved. again
after fearing that I never should. A
days absence from home has given me
this great fortune
The pain of IL was less than IL might
have been. since our looks did not meet
To have seen your eyes shut out their
recognition OF me would have hurt IN,
too much. must have cried out
against such n judgment But you
passed by the window without know
Ing. your face not raised SO little
changed. yet you have been III. Arthur
tells me everything. lie knows must
have any word OF you that goes beg.
ging
oh. hope you are altogether better.
happleri An Illness helps some people
The worst of their sorrow goes with
the health that breaks down under II
and they come out purced Into a clear
er air and are made whole FOR a fresh
trial of lifc
hear thar you are going quite away.
and my eyea bless this chance to have
embraced you once again. Your fncc
is the klndest have ever seen. Even
your silence while I looked at YOU
steintu u shtt instead OF cruelty.
What kindness said TO myself. even
II II he mistaken Kindness. mus, have
sealed those dear lips not to tell me OF
my unworth
oh. II ! could see once into the brain
OF II all, No one but myself knows
how good you are. How cau /. then.
be 40 unworthy Of your Did you think
would not surrender to anything you
fixed. that you severed us so complete.
iy. not even allowing us TO meet. and
Wig ms no way to come back to you.
fnofgh | might come to be all that you
wlshed7 All, dear face. how hungry
you have made mel The more that l
think you are not yet so happy as |
could wish, as l could make you'll say
II foolishly-yet II you would trust me.
I am sure.
oh. how tired loving you makes mel
Physically grow weary with the ache
to have You In my arms. And I dream
dream always the shadows of for
mer Kindness that never grow warm
enough to clasp me before I wake.
Yours. dearest. waking or sleeping.
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09
LErTEn LyIII

Do you remember, beloved, when you
came on your birthday. you said was
to give you another birthday present of
your own choosing, and promised?
And II was that we were to do for the
whole day what wished. You were
not to be asked TO choose.
You said then that II was the first
time I had ever let you have your own
way. which was to see me by myself
Independently Of you. as II such self
existed.
You viii never see what write now.
and did not do then any OF the things
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09
LETTER LIx.

have TO own that know your will
new, at last. Without seeing you am
convinced. You have a strong power in
you to have done that. You have told
me the word am 10 say TO you. II Is
your bidding. so | say goodby. But
II is a word whose meaning ! cannot
share.
Yet 1 have something to tell you
which l could not have dreamed II IL
had not somehow been true. which has
made It possible for me to believe with
out hearing you speak it that am to
be dismissed out of your heart. May
the doing Of II cost you far less pain
than / am fearing.
You did not come. though promised
myself so certainly that you would.
Instead came your last brief note
which this lH TO obey. Still | watched
for you to come. believing IL still and
trusting TO silence on my part TO bring
you more certainly than any more
words could do. And at last either you
came to me or I came to you. a bitter
last meeting. Perhaps your mind. too.
holds what happehed. II so. | have
got truly 1T what your will is. ! must
accept II as true. since am not to see
you again. l cannot tell you whether
! thought Il or dreamed IL. but IL seems
still quite real and has turned all my
past life into a mockery.
When ! came. | Was behind you
Then you turned. and could see your
face. You. too. were In pain. In that
we seemed one. But when I touched
you and would have kissed you you
sbuddered at me and drew back your
head. ] tell you this as l would tell
you anything unbelievable that l had
heard told Of you behind your back.
You see I am obeying you At last
For all the love which you gave me
when ! seemed worthy of IL I thank
you n thousand times Could you ever
return TO the same mind should be
yours once more. as ! still am. never
ccasing on my side to be your lover
and servant I'LL death apd-if there be
anything more-aftcr as well.
Goodby. dearest kiss your heart
with writing for the last time. and
your eyes. that VIII see nothing more
from ms after this. Goodby.
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09
LETTER LXvI.

Dearest-Every day I am giving my
self little more pain than | need-for
the sake Of you. | am giving myself
your letters TO read again day by day
as received them. Only one a day. SO
that have still something left TO look
forward TO tomorrow. and. oh. dearest.
what unanswerable things they have
now become. those letters which used
to answer so easily
All your tenderness then seems TO he
cruelty now. only seems. dearest. for
I still say. do say, that 1t is not so.
know it is not so. /. who know
nothing else. know that So / look
every day at one Of these monstrous
contradictions and press II TO my heart
till 1t becomes reconciled with the pain
that is there always.
Indeed you love me. That 1 see
now. Words which took so much for
granted then have a strange force now
that | look back at them. You did
love. and |, who did not realize IL
enough then. realize IT now when you
no longer do.
And the commentary on all this is
that one letter OF yours. which say
, over and over to myself sometimes
when | cannot pray: There is no
fault in you. The fault is elsewhere
l can no longer love you as l did All
that WAS between us must be at an
end Fer your good and mine the only
right thing is 10 say goodby without
meeting. ! know you will not forget
me. but you will forgive ne. even
because OF the great pain ! cause you.
You are the most generous woman l
have known. II II would comfort you
to blame me for this. ! would beg you
TO do it. But | know you better and
ask you to believe that II Is my deep
misfortune -ather than my fault that
| can be no longer your lover as. God
knows, | was once, / dare not say
how short a time ago. To me you re-
main what ! always found you-the
best and most true hearted woman a
man could pray TO meet"
This. dearest. I say and say and
write down now lest you have forgot
ten ii. For your writing OF it and all
me to the grave. How superstitious
we are Of our bodies after death, /,
as IL l believed that / should ever rise
or open my ears TO any sound again!
l do not. yet IL comforts me to make
sure that certain things shall go with
me to dissolution
Truly. dearest. l believe grief is a
great deceiver and that no one quite
wishes not to exist | have no belief
IN future existence yet | wish il SO
mucb-io exist again outside all this
failure OF my life. For at present
have done you no good at all. only
evil
And hope now and then that writ
ing thus 10 you am not writing alto
gether In vain. II can see sufficiently
at the last to say. Send him these. Il
will be almost like living again For
surely you viii love me again when
you see how much | have suffered
and suffered because | would not let
thought OF you go.
Could you dream. beloved, reading
this, that there is bright sunlight
streaming over my paper as ! writer
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09
LETTER LSy

Ny Dear-I dream OF you now ev-
cry night. and you are always kind. al
ways just as | knew you, the same
without n shadow OF change.
cannot picture you anyhow else.
though. my life Is full OF the silence
you have made. My heart seems to
have stopped on the last beat the sight
OF your handwriting gave H.
/ dare not bid you come back now.
Sorrow has made me u stranger TO my
self could not look at you and say.
Il am your star could not believe
II II | said IL Two women have In.
habiicd me. and the one here now Is
not the one you knew and loved Their
one likeness is that they both have
loved the same man. the one certain
that her love was returned and the 9th.
er certain OF nothing. What world
of difference lies in that.
| have to realize now that have be
come the greatest possible failure In
life. a woman who has lost her share
OF the world" try TO shape myself TO
II
IL is deadly when woman's sex.
what was once her glory. reveals itself
TO her as an all containing loss. l real
lied myself fully only when was witt
you. and now can't undo H. You
gone. lean against a shadow and feel
myself forever falling, drifting to n
end. a Francesca without Paol,
Well. II must be some comfort that
do not drag YOU with me. I never be
licved myself strong woman. Your
lightest wish shaped me to its liking
Now you have nodded me with your
own image and superscription and
have cast inc away
Are not the die and the coin that
come from II only two sides of the
same forms There is not n hairs
breadth anywhere between their sur
faces where they lie. the one incloslng
the other. vet part them. and the light
strikes on them how differently. That
Is n mere condition OF light. Join them
In darkness where the light cannot
strike. aud they are the samc-the tive
faces OF single form, So you and |
dear. when we are dead. shall come to-
gether again, trust. or are we to
come back to each other dcfaccd and
warped out OF our true coajunctiong l
think not, for II you have changed. Il
soul can ever change. shall be melted
again by your touch and fow TO meet
all the Change that rs in you. since my
true self is TO be you.
oh. you, my beloved. do you wake
happy, either with or without thoughts
of mef | cannot understand. but
trust that II may be so. II | could have
a reason why have so passed out OF
your life. could endure 1t better. What
WAS In me that you did not wish? What
was In you that | must not wish for
evermoreg II the root OF this separa-
tion WAS In you, II In Gods VIII It was
ordered that we were to love and with
out loving less afterward be parted, l
could acquiesce so willingly, But It is
this knowing nothing that overwhelms
me. I strain my eyes for sight and
can't see. | reach out my hands for
the sunlight and am given great hand
fuls OF darkness. said to you the sun
had dropped out OF my heavens. My
dear, my dear. Is this darkness indeed
your Am in the mold with my face
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09

well to have It's last chance of coming
to pass. 1t is the unhappy unfulflled
clay of life, think, which robbed of
its share of things set ghosts to walk
mists which rise out of a ground that
has not worked out its fruitfulness to
take the shape of old desires. If /
leave a ghost, It viii take your shape,
not mine. dearest, for it will be "as
trees walking" that the lovers of
trees" will come back to earth. Brown
Ing did not know that Some one else,
not Browning, has worded it for us:
A lover of trees far away sends his
soul back to the country that has lost
him. and there 1.-The traveller. marvel
ing why, halts on the bridge to heark-
en- how soft the poplars sigh" not
knowing that 1t is the lover himself
who signs in the trees all night That
is how the ghosts of real love come
back into the world. The ghosts of
love and the ghosts of hatred must be
quite different. These bring fear, and
those none. Come TO me, dearest. in
the blackest night. and | will not be
afraid.
How strange that when one has suf-
fered most it is the poets those who
are supposed to sing who best express
things for u.s. Yet singing is the thing
1 feel least like. II ever a heart once
woke up to find itself full of tune, it
was mine. Now you have drawn all
the song out of it emptied it dry, and
/ go to the poets to read epitaphs.
think 1t is their cruelty that appeals to
me-they can sing OF grief o hard
heartsi
Good night At your head, at your
feet. is there any room for me tonight.
beloved?
Continued next week.
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09
LETTER In.


Today, dearest. letter from you
reached me-n fallen star which had
lost its way II lies dead In my bosom
IL was the letter that lost itself In the
post while ! was travelling. IL comes
now with half dozen postmarks. and
signs Of long waiting In one place. In
IL you say: we have been engaged
now for two whole months. never
dreamed thHt two moons could contain
so much happiness" Nor /. dcarestl
We have now been separated for three.
and till now I had not dreamc that
time could 80 creep. to such Infinitely
small purpose. as IL has In carrying me
from the moment when last saw you.
You were 10 dear TO me. beloved: that
you ever srei Time changes nothing
In you as you seemed to me then oh.
] am sick to touch your hands. all my
thoughts run to your service; they
seem TO hear you call only to tnd lock
ed doors
II you could see me now. think You
would open the door for little while.
II they came and told me. You are
o. see nim just for rve minutes and
then part again" what should I be
wanting most TO say to your Nothing
only speak. speak, would have you
I'LL my heart with your voice the whole
time; Ave minutes more of you to fold
my life round. II would matter very lit.
tie what you said. barring the one
thing that remains never to be said.
oh. could all this silence teach me
the one thing | am longing TO know
why am I unworthy of your II 1 can
not be your wife, why cannot see you
still-serve you II possible7 l would be
grateful.
You meant TO be generous, and Wish.
ing not to wound me you said that
''there was no fault' in me. l realize
now that you would not have said that
to the woman you still loved. And now
I am never TO know what part In me
Is hateful TO you. must live with II
because you would not tell me the
truth.
Every day tells me l am different
from the thing ! wish to be-your love.
the woman you approve.
love you. l love you! Can I get no
nearer to you ever for all this strain.
ing7 II love you SO much, i must be
moving toward what you would have
me be- In your huppiest days my heart
mad Its growing pains-growing to be
as you wished II.
Dear. even the wisest make mistakes.
and the tenderest may be hard without
knowing. do not think I am un-
worthy OF you II you knew ALL
Writing to you now seems weakness.
yet II seemed peace to come In here and
cry to you. And when ] go about
have still strength left and try to be
cheerful. Nobody knows; think no.
body knows, No one In the house Is
made downcast because of me. How
dear they are and how little ! can
thank them! Except to you. dearest.
have not shown myself selfish.
love you too much. too much.
cannot write It
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09

fNors.-su tn i.strr- ~hies foiio- wer- tount
lyinr loosely tssvthcr Tb.y only ~vnt 10 tssii
xssfinstion after tbs ~ritsrs dsath-l
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09

Colorado Spring, tcoro, Gazette. DAN,
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09

Continued next week.
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09

Why so cheap? | bought my stock after Wall Paper
rust broke in the fasome of my competitors bought
before.
Cañon City record., 1901-05-09

The LARGEST and MOST EXCLUSIVE stock of
WALL PAPER. PAINTS. OILS GLASS and ROOM
MOULDINGS. Painting i'll all its Branches
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1901-09-11
READING OF DAILY BULLETINS
Matter of Interest Among Americas
People,

Despite the fact that the President
is upon the road to rapid recovery, the
bulletin readers continue to seize
upon every item of news relative to his
condition. The news given out yes
terdaV was highly encouraging and
the people of Americus, like all other
Americans, rejoice in the recovery of
the Nations great chief. The news
servics here has been excellent, both
the West Union and Postal Telegraph
companies posting frequent bulletins
during the day since the President was
shot down.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1901-09-11
PRICE CONTINUES TO ADVANCE,
Farmers Paying Fancy Figure For
Seed Oats.

Americus produce dealers who are
fortunate enough to have any seed oats
on hand are now getting rs cents and
so cents per bushel for them very readi-
ly. Not in years have oats been as
scarce, and on account of the high
price of seed it is feared that but
limited acreage will be planted here
this fall. The Texas crop was a COM
plete failure, and nearly all the "Texas
Rust Proof" oats now on the market
come from Kansas, but are 'just as
good" Georgians have been accustom-
ed to believe that the only seed they
could plant with any assurance of q
yield must come from Texas; therefore,
they are not pleased with the present
situation, even if they can stand the
prices,
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1901-09-11
KICK IS MADE ON GOLD COIN.
Americas Banks Are Loaded With
The Yellow.

The banks of Americus are now pay
ing out stacks of gold coin for cotton,
and with the gold comes a howl Farm
ers do not want 1t, merchants prefer
silver or bills, and the STANDARD of
the country" is not in demand here at
all. The northern banks, which howl
ed for gold, dump it upon the South
during the winter months. AS a circu-
Iating medium gold is a nuisance. It
is not wanted by the trade in the north,
and whatever is not wanted there Is
dumped upon the south. Every bank
in Americas has stack of $50 gold
pieces to get rid of here.