The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1901-03-29

Rivals kissed
Business done:
Simply none!
II. D. Beasley in Life.
Never cross-QuestiOn an Irishinan
from the old sod" advises one of the
foremost railroad attorneys of the age.
Even if he does not think of an answer
he will stumble into some bull that will
demoralize the court and jury, and when
ever a witness tickles a Jury his testi-
mony gains vastly in its influence.
Yes, I'm speaking from experience.
The only witness who ever made me
throw up my hands and leave the court
room was green lrlshman. A section
hand had been killed by an express train
and his widow was suing for damages.
l had good case, but made the mistake
OF trying to turn the main witness inside
out
In his quaint way he had given a
sonally shedding tears and calling on
the saints. Among other things he
swore positively that the locomotive
whistle was not sounded until after the
whole train had passed over his departed
friend. Then thought had him.
nit that the whistle blew?'
"'Yis, sor; it bleed. sor.'
Now. If that whistle sounded i'll time
to give Michael warning, the fact would
be in favor of the company, 'wouldn' t it"
'Yis, sor, and Mike would be tistify-
in. here this day. The jury giggled:
friend, and you would like to help his
widow out; but just tell me now what
earthly purpose there could be for the
engineer to blow that whistle after Mike
had been struck
81 presume thot the whistle wore for
hn nj hn r0<1-
II left and the widow got all she
asked.'-Detroit FTee Press.
He'd Settle Old Scores-Tommy-
ooh! Ouch! Stop that!'' Mamma
"Why, Tommy, aren't you ashamed?
| wouldn't cry that way if it was my
hair that was being combed." Tommy
tfercely)-"Ill bet you would if l was
doin' the combing. Philadelphia Press.
'''With the idea Of naming my boys"
said a white~hared man, so that there
could be no nicknames-which have al
ways, detested-in the family, we called
the first Edmund the second Edward,
the. third Edgar, the fourth Edwin, the
fifth Edison and the sixth Egbert.''
,,;al iha It o.; surely served your purpose,
rather shame facedly. beginning With
the eldest. they were. known as Eddie
Chuck BIN Smokey 'Mugyins' and
'petc and every mothers son of them
answered proudly to his nickname
Youths Companion.
Something NeW.-He-"I saw our old
Did YOU? What is he doing now ?:' H.
-'He's interested in one Of these Wild
c :5 mining companies" She-"The
ldSa! l never knew you had to mine for
"'Why, is a woman like an umbrella ?"
asked the exchange editor.
Because she's made of ribs and ot
t tached to stick," replied the informa-
Wrong. Guess again."
because she always has to be shut IN
when-'' W
Naw! You fatigue me-"
"Because she stands in the hall and
the hail. AL
"A woman is like an umbrella because
nobody ever gets the right one Why is
Ring off! That isn't the answer,
Its a better one than you've got"
Don t you reckon l know whether it
yours or mine?''
"Well, she's like an umbrella because
it isn't because she fades with age. is
it?' -
You ought to be ashamed of your
self" '0''
Il am. Is it because you have to put
up when it's cloudy and threatening
that can't be it. Because sne's a good
thing to have i'll the house. Why is
~ NIT fn,,w Z -
.',,Because you can't find any pocket in
either. Why is
NO choice. Vote again."
II won't! \ woman isn't like an UNI
brella. There is not the slightest resem-
blance: You go on with your work and let
Il knew. you couldn't guess it. It's be-
cause she's accustomed to reign. Chi
cago Tribune.
Mr.. Muggins hunting, yet?"
Mr.. Moover-"Yes.'
NJ. 1 MinsginsT,sho ,e any ducks;' ).
Mr. Mr. MMG n"s;nr:%ng T., hunting ducks"
Mr.. ver-':.No-huntin' house,
Columbus (O.) State Journal
A story comes from London about an
elderly widow who was found buying
Grape soon after the royal command 70
80 INTO mourning for the late Queen had
been issued. why. Maria!' exclaimed
friend who met her at the local dra-
per's, Il thought you'd made up your
mind to throw off the widder!'' $50 I
'ad, my DEAR" sighed the widow, forlorn-
~. but now as everybody you meets is
IN black. a body must do somethink to-
show she's reel wilder" The friend.
being Of the right sex, nodded sympa-
thetically. You might be took for a
complimentary if you wasn't CAREFUL
she said.
No ,Rival:-Mr. Blinks-"What has
been hereT' Mrs BlinkS-ssEo ono :"