davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1901-01-03
No Use For IL e water.

"They tell Il good many jokes about
Kentucky colonies and their natural
aversion 10 wster," said fat drummer
In the hotel corridor the other night
"but the richest thing In that line ever
knew TO come off In real life happened
over I'm Alabama when old man Briggs
was trying 10 sell his summer hotel
Briggs had a pretty piece OF property
In the Alabama highlands. and its star
feature was n magnificent big spring
that welled into a sort Of basin and
was as cold as ice all the year round
He had good prospects OF making 0
popular resort out OF the place, but be
got the California fever and offered II
at a sacrifice to a race horse man from
Kentucky who had an idea that he was
cut out for landlord.
"The race horse man was typical
Kentucky colonel of the old school and
q mighty fine fellow. He came down
to look over the ground in person, and
Briggs started ont with him to point
out the principal attractions. At last
they came to the famous spring. This
colonel said Briggs, stopping at the
edge OF the basin and swelling with
pride, is wonderful natural reservoir
of crystal pure water, inexhaustible IN
volume and ice cold In temperature. II
Is undoubtedly the finest spring in the
south
"'Hum- m-mp grunted the colonel
sizing up the bubbling pool. 4 reckon
I'll have to have this hole filled up II
we close our deal. Mr.. Briggs
"'Filled up! exclaimed Briggs in hor
ror.
eyes. sub. replied the colonel calm
". You see. I'm not a-calculatln or
keeping any stock on the place. -
New Orleans Times Democrat.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1901-01-03
THAT ROAD GRADER.

1t has been quite while since the
residents OF the town OF Otisco have
been so much stirred up over anything
as they have over this road grader
matter. Last week the BANNER frank
ly acknowledged that IL had very little
knowledge regarding the matter, and
this week, after hearing about dozen
different versions we must confess we
are pretty nearly in state OF hopeless
confusion. Some think they see po-
litical scheme at the bottom OF IL all
In which many innocent ones are being
used to further the object sought
Mr.. Cowles, one of the solid, substan.
tial and reliable farmers of the
town, states the matter as he UNDER
stands il in our columns this week over
his own signature. The BANNER
Office has received call from Mr.. Ten
nant the agent, who is the cause OF it
all, and he declares that everything
has been straight, lawful and proper as
far as his dealings are concerned.
Mr.. Dumon was placed in "a false light
In Taxpayers" article last week, in
asmuch as he denies ever approaching
or having any conversation with Su-
pervisor Hoppough regarding the pur-
chase OF grader. Mr.. Hoppough
also confirms the statement. Also in
regard TO copying the records at the
township clerks, w. l.. Reeyes's; the
records are pu bile property and any
one has rig ht to examine them and
even to take copy OF them If they
wish, consequently there is no blame
TO be attached TO Mrs Reeves. Du-
mon, Rob. Ellis and Hotchkiss did go
round with the agent to show him
where the me lived and TO introduce
him. They were paid for their time,
and considered it legitimate business.
Most men are always too careless Of
what they sign, some were put down
because they did not have conviction
enough to say no, and so 1t went. He
has not yet obtained the required num-
had been given under the supposition
that he had has been countermanded.
He says he will get the signers and
make the sale yet, but from shiS dis
lance il looks Il little doubtful.
The Portl and Observer states that
Tenant worked that vicinity last sum-
mer, and INDUCED in a little sharp
practice there over which some of
them have been pretty hot ever since.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1901-01-03

A writer in The Cornhill Magazine
credits the late Canon Bingham with
the following bit Of wit:
He was driving one day with Other
clergy to a clerical meeting, when the
conversation turned upon the meaning
Of the two places they were nearing
Wool and Wareham, In the county OF
Dorset
How do you account for the origin
OF these names, Canon Bingham ask
ed one OF the party.
Don't you know this is a sheep coun
ty," replied the canon, land at Woo
you wool the sheep and at Warehan
you wear emp
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1901-01-03
IL Sayeda Leg.

| have used Dr. G.. ID. Warmers Com
pound of Seven Cures with such good
results thai | recommended it TO Geo.
Chip, who was taken with typhoid fe-
yer about two years ago. The disease
settled in one Of his legs, causing en-
largement Of the entire limb which re-
suited in fever-running sore, render
ing the leg entirely useless. The doe
tors tried to cure it, but had no success,
and they advised him that his leg would
have to be amputated. Then ] urged
him to give the Seven Cures a fair
trial and accordingly he commenced
taking it, and continued to use it for
six months. He is we'll and hearty to.
day and his leg is just as sound a ever.
MICHAEL GEARHART.
Detroit, Mich, Jan. 8, 1900.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1901-01-03
Blown to Atoms.

The old idea that the body some
times needs powerful, drastic, purga
tive pill has been exploded: for DR.
Kings New Life Pills, which are per
fectly harmless, gently stimulate liver
and bowels TO expel poisonous matter
cleanse the system and absolutely cure
Constipation and Sick Headache. Only
25c at Connel Bros. drug store
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1901-01-03

sophy twho accepted Mr.. Charles
Fleetwood the night before)-Does Mr.
Fleetwood strike you as being a sensi
tive man. Pauline2
Pauline (who doesn't know OF the en-
gagement)-Gracious mol A man who
has been rejected by Ia girls within SIX
months and gets fat on 1t cannot be
sensitive. Why, Sophy, what's the
NATTER
She had tainted. London Fun.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1901-01-03

The fame OF Buckleu's Arnica Salve,
as the best in the world, extends round
the earth. It's the one perfect healer
OF Cuts, Corns, Burns, Bruises, Sores,
Scalds, Boils Ulcers. Felons, Aches,
Pains and all Skin Eruptions. Only
infal ible Pile cure. 25c box at Con-
nell Bros
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1901-01-03
Have You CoIdY

II so, then instead of taking so much
quinine take a pleasant and mild stom
ach and bowel remedy which will
cleanse the system, and you will b
surprised how quickly the cold viii
leave you. We sell DIR. Caldwell's
Syrup Pepsin for just this purpose
Try it, l0c, soc and 81. For sale by
L. q. Cushing.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1901-01-03
MARRIAGE LICENSES.

Eddie L. Carpenter, 33, Otiscc;
Cora b. Cobb, %, Bedding.
Fred Wood worth, %, Grand Haven;
Lillian Bradish, 20, Ionia.
Albert +. Grinnel, 20, Dandy;
Alta A. Russell, %, Grand Rapids.
Arthur II. Teneyck, "A, Chadwick;
Ida Hall, Is, Chadwick.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1901-01-03
WE DID NOT.

Did you see what came down Main
street Tuesday, half frozen, bare head
ed, about half clothed He got one
pound candy and nice stitch in his
back. SUBSCRIBER
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1901-01-03
Detroit, Mich, Jan. g, 1900

Save doctors bills by giving Foley'-
honey and tar to infants and children
in time to prevent pneumonia or Group,
which are fatal TO so many thousands
of babies. w [. Benedict.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1901-01-03
IfI,anncr saIys

c,rnt cure your piles, your money
returned. 1t Is the most heal
81 icine. w. /. Benedict.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14
AT THE VOLCANOES CRATER.
American Tourists at PopOcatapetI
Reach Its brink and Are There
Photographed.

A party of Americans touring in
Mexico recently accomplished the un-
usual feat of ascending to the edge of
the crater of Mount Popocatapetl, the
famous volcano of the North American
continent. A member of the party
in describing the trip says the crater
is a marvel and well worth a hard
journey to see. "a huge and gloomy
pit it is" he says, ''its steep sides emit
ting sulphurous smoke and fumes, and
its perpendicular walls descending, it
is said, to a depth of 800 feet. At
the bottom is a small lake of emerald
green, surrounded by volcanic rocks
and deposits of sulphur. At the top
there is a ledge of rock at the crater's
edge, from which we made our OBJ
servations of the crater and upon
which we were photographed. I did
not observe any difficulty in breath
ing or any noticeable increase Of heart
action, but several members of the
party were painting painfully and were
hardly able to speak. One'of my com
rades told me that be could feel his
heart beat through his coat and sweat
er. The temperature was very cold,
but it seemed to be modified some
what by the natural warmth of the
crater and we were protected against
the icy wind outside"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14

a yellow hound dog Is tied with
rope to a stake in front OF barrel
lying on its side. In the background
brown and white hillygoat is play
fully eating the decayed remains Of
what was once lnwnmower
"All the live stock and implements
go with the place" says the agent,
whose sense of humot has never been
developed.
In nine cases out Of ten the cure is
now complete, and the recovered vic
tim hurries back to close a lease Of
his fiat for two years, with the
privilege Of renewal.
Once in great while, however. a
man has been so strongly infected
with the amateur farming virus that
even this treatment is not eiiicacious.
He goes rapidly from one crisis to am
other, until finally he wakes mp some
morning and finds that most of his
delusions and hallucinations have be-
come realities. The Jersey COW may
not voluntarily bring forward the pat
of butter, and the hens may leave
their eggs where they lay them, but,
In general, he realizes all that he has
dreamed of. II is almost always the
case that he runs across the place
which strikes his fancy purely by ac-
cident He falls in love with It at
first sight. Sometimes he is found
later anXiously consulting a divorce
lawyer in the real estate line. But
in the first blush of possession he
feels that he must be envied of the
Chicago Tribune.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14
THE HOME GOLD CURE
An Ingenious Treatment by which Drunk
ards are Being Cured Daily in
Spite of Themselves.
No NOxious Doses. No Weakening Of the
Nerves. A Pleasant and Positive
Cure for the Liquor
Habit

1t is generally known and understood
that Drunkenness is a disease and not
weakness. A body filled with poiscn, aud
nerves completely shattered by periodical
or cons ant use Of Intoxicating liquor. re-
quires an antidote capable of neutralizing
and eradicating this poison and destroying
the craving for intoxicants. Sufferers may
now cure themselves at home without pub
liclty or loss Of time from business by this
wonderful HOME GOLD CURE" which
has been perfected after many years Of close
study aud treatment Of inebriates. The
faithful use according to directions of this
wonderful discovery is positively Ruaran-
teed TO cure the most obstinate case, no
matter how hard a drinker Our records
show the marvellous Transformation of
thousands Of drunkards into sober, indus
trious and upright men.
WIVES CURE YOUR HUSBANDS / I
CHILDREN CURE YOUR FATHERS Z
This remedy Is IN no sense q nostrum but a
specific for this disease only, so skillfully
devised and prepared that It is thoroughly
soluble and pleasant to the taste, so that IL
Ittil A1 BANNl III a Nil VI tatt VI NVAANH WIN
out the knowledge of the person taking
It, Thousands Of Drunkards have cured
themselves with this priceless remedy, and
as many more have been cured and made
temperate men by having the "CURE" ad-
ministered by loving friends and relatives
without their knowledge I'm coffee or tea
and believe today they discontinued drink
ing Of their own free will DO NOT WAIT
Do not e deluded by apparent and mis-
leading improvement Drive out tn,
disease at once and for all time. Tn,
"HOME GOLD CURE" is sold at the ex
tremely low price Of One Dollar. thus plae
ing within reach Of everybody a treatment
more efiectual than others costing S25 &
/ $50. Full directions accompany each pack
age. Special advice by skilled physicians
when requested without extra charge
Sent prepaid to any part Of the world OF
receipt Of One Dollar Address Dept +
/ 275, EDWIN b GILES & COMPANY
23SO aud 2882 Market Street. Philadelphia
All correspondence strictly confidential
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14
AFFLICTED WITH
THE FARM CRAZE
..............................

A MATEUR farming is a disease
~ which Is most prevalent among
people who have lived for some years
in fat buildings. Il is especially
virulent i'm the spring and summer,
usually wholly disappearing during
the winter months. In the first stages
of the disease the victim is usually
subject to strange, though harmless,
Illusions and halucuations. He
fancies that he sees in his minds eyes
a little house standing far back from
the dirt road in a grove of stately oak
trees. The front of the house is half
covered with vines and climbing roses
and the air is full of the perfume
from the hay fields. Back of the
house is big red barn, wherein an
imaginary horse eats non-eXistent
oats and a deer-like Jersey COW chews
a phantom cud.
Before the house the green turf
sweeps down to the road in billows,
and a couple of picturesque property
lambs gambol gracefully under the
oaks. Up the same oaks squirrels are
running, waving their bushy tails and
chattering defiance to even imaginary
invaders.
In the secondary stages of the dis
ease the illusions become more alarm
ing. The patient sees people driving
up to the house and Offering large
sums for the yellow-legged spring
chickens which have suddenly ap'
peared in large quantities in the fore
ground. The Jersey COW comes for
ward and modestly presents ten
pounds of golden yellow butter, taste
fully done up in napkin and
stamped with her coat of arms, fol
the possession of which the assem-
bled multitude quarrel furiously, eacl
of them raising his neighbor's bid
From the barnyard appears a process
sion of hens, each bearing a fresh
laid egg, with the date of its arriva
written on it in indelible pei acil. Az
this point the multitude falls down
on its knees and each of the number
offers all his earthly possessions fol
a dozen. Gradually these visions fade
into one, and the patient sees him
btll HlNllitB III uiA NtoN NhdiA pAA
rose-embowered veranda, with a bae
of double eagles beside him and q
couple of attentive servtors offering
him mint iuleps and other cooling re
freshments. When this stage of the
disease is reached the patient needs
careful attention and watching. He
is likely to become violent and at
tack the ianitor of the fat building
or imprudently resign his lucrative
position in a La Sale street insur
ance office.
But the crisis of the disease comes
when the patient sits down and be
gins to put his Illusions into writing
After prolonged and painful strug
gle he win produce a piece of litera
ture like this:
Wanted.-ln the vicinity Of Chicago,
| place of from three to ten acres, with small
| house and barn. Must be reasonable. Rem
/ for six months with view to purchase
The patient will demand that thi
production of disordered brain b,
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14
WATERS GET MANY TIPS.
one in Philadelphia who Makes ~
High as Fifty Dollars in
One Week.

Stories OF big tips given in Chicago's
fashionable restaurants are outshone
by the radiance Of the following re-
cital of a Philadelphia waiter to a
Record reporter:
Sometimes" said the waiter, 81
make as much as $50 a week in tips"
He stood in the palm roof of fash
ionable cafe and said this without a
blush. "The lowest tip | get is half a
dollar" he continued. "That Is given
me by the young man who brings his
girl to luncheon, and, very properly,
buys no wine, because he is not yet
married to her. The man who buys
wine with luncheon for two has a
bill to settle of eight or nine dollars,
never less. The dinner and supper
tips are the big ones. You, for in
stance, come to me and say: Henry,
| am bringing five guests to dinner
here tomorrow at seven. l wish &c
spend $50. Reserve that corner table
for me and see that the flowers and
the candles are beautiful I'll drop in
at noon to look over the menu you
win draw up For my trouble you tip
me, maybe, five dollars. Ifyour dinner
party is larger one and you spend
on it, say $50, you may tip me ten dol
lars. Some exceedingly generous per
sons have been known to tip me SIS
for dinner without any swooning be-
ing done by me. The biggest tip ever
got was $50, but the man was drunk.
"a percentage of my tips goes, OF
course, to the head waiter. A man,
by the way, who isn't tipped hall
enough is the fellow in the hall who
looks after the hats and wraps. He
gives you no check, and yet among the
hundred guests whose things are in
his charge he remembers you, and
when you come out to go he has your
wraps ready for you without any ques-
tioning or any delay. A wonderful
memory the fellow has, but he doesn't
make much money"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14
A WORTHY SUCCESSOR.
"somethIng New Under The Sun"

~fNW NHNNA ~ 'NAAf
All doctors have tried to ooureCATARRH
by the use of powders, acid gases, inhalers
and drugs in paste form. Their powders
dry up the mucuous membranes causing
them to crack open and bleed. The pow
erful acids used in the inhalers have en-
tirely eaten away the same membranes
that their makers have aimed to cure,
while pastes and ointments cannot reach
the disease. An old and experienced prac-
titioner who has for many years made a
close study and speciality Of the treatment
Of CATARRH, mas at last perfected a
Treatment which when faithfully used
not only relieves at once, but permanently
cures CATARRH, by removing the cause
stopping the discharges, aud curing all in
dammation Il is the only remedy known
TO science that actually reaches the afiliot-
I'd parts This wonderful remedy is known
rs "SNUFFLES the GUARANTEED
CATARRH CURE" and is sold at the ex-
tremely low price Of One Dollar, each
package containing internal and external
medicine sufficient for a full mOnsh's
treatment and everything necessary to its
I HNtANAN NnNs
'.SNUFFLES" is the only perfect CA
/ pARRH CURE ever made and is now
recognized as the only safe and positive
cure for that annoying and disgusting dis
.ase 1t cures all Inflammation quickly
and permanently and is also wonderfully
quick to relieve HAY FEVER OF COLD
in the HEAD.
CATARRH when neglected often leads
to CONSUPTION-"SNU UFFLES" will
save you If you use il at once. 1t is no or
binary remedy, but complete treatment
which is positively guaranteed to cure CA
rARRH in any form or stage II used ac
sarling TO the directions which accompany
each package Don't delay but send for il
at once. and write full particulars as &c
your condition, and you will receive spec
ial advice from the disooveror Of this won
derful remedy regarding your case without
cost TO you beyond the regular price o
"SNUFFLES" the GUARANTEED
CATARRH CURE"
Sent prepaid to any address IN the Unit
Cd States or G nGda Oh receipt Of One Dol
lar. Address Dept. b 30, EDWIN B
GILES g. COMPANY, 2s30 and 23s2 Marx
et Street, Philadelphia
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14
REDEEM MUTILATED DIMES.
Telephone Slots Are Taking Many
WOrn-Out Coins Out of
Circulation.

"The telephone slot machines are
doing an enormous work in the mat
ter of taking worn-out dimes out of
circulation" explained a treasury Of
fetal TO a reporter. "There is moth
ing to prevent worn-out, mutilated and
almost smooth dimes from being put
into the slots, and as a result many
persons keep the wOrn-out dimes for
that particular purpose.
MANY druggists and others who
keep public telephones make no OBJ
lection to taking mutilated dimes any
more, for the reason that they keep
supply on hand to do telephone
business with. When they see that n
telephone user is going to put a new
dime in the slot they simply take it in
and hand a worn-out dime in exchange.
OF course the telephone user makes no
objection, and in goes the worn-out or
mutilated coin.
after it gets in there the telephone
companies do the rest. Every time
they get a quantity on hand, for the
government does not care to bother
with sums of less than 500, they send
them to a subtreasury, and in Wash
ington to the treasury department di-
rect, for redemption. The result is
that through the telephone companies
alone over 81 900 worth of mutilated
or worn-out dimes are redeemed each
week
Business people have already be-
gun to notice that the great majority
of the dimes now in circulation are in
much better condition than they were
even six months ago. In lesser de-
gree the redemption of a great guam
tity of quarters and halves is effected
through the long-distance tele-
phones"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14

I'M g5or little fashion plate child,
And my manners are gentle and mild
But the trials I endure and the fun ad-
jure
Would set any other child wild.
An my frocks are quite fetching and smart.
But great rage fills my poor iittle heart,
When ! fooiishly stand with purse In
my hand
In a pose quite approved by Delsarte.
An umbrella ] have, though It's plain
There is not the least chance of a rain,
For my hoes and my hat are lot fitted
for that;
My hair would be curled all IN vain.
Little girls must all hate me, fear,
For on Sundays and afternoons clear
They are dressed just like me for the
public 10 see
And their comments are caustic hear.
How I wish I could wear an old dress
Made Of gingham, and then J Just guess
1 would make some mud pies that would
open your eyes
Though my pose might not be a success.
-Minna Howison Coale, in Little Chron-
icle
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14

Uncle Reuben-Farmer Wheatley's
boy is home from college. He told
me his education is finished.
Uncle Hiram guess his education
don't amount to much.
Uncle Reuben-Why not?
Uncle Hiram-If it did, he wouldn't
think it was fnished.-PuclS.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14

kind and long innocent of paint. It
is badly in need Of repair and worse
in need of cleansing. In the dirty
yard around the house a couple of
buggies and other vehicles, each of
them minus at least one wheel, are
sadly reclining. On the remnants of
the fence a gaunt cat is perehed, and
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14

The German naval programme,
which, according to the original an
nouneement, was not to be completed
until 1916, is now, it seems, to be fin
ished by 1906 In that year Germany
will have at least a. ships, 20 large
cruisers and as small cruisers.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14

"They are two souls with but a
single thought" said the Observant
Boarder, alluding to pair of lovers.
"They look to me like two souls
without a single thought" said the
Cross s-Eyed Boarder's correction
Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14

Landlady-Will you have another
help to the chicken, Mr.. Blithers?
Mr.. Blithers (star boarder)-Yes;
unless l get help I'm afraid my jaws
won't stand the strain. You see
never practiced mastication as a ply
steal feat.-Ohio State journal.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14

Egyptologist-They had newspapers
in ancient Egypt.
Host-Welll we'll! Did you find
one?
Egyptologst-No but we found a
fossil roach and a petrified Office towel.
N. Y. Weekly.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14
Cause for CongratuIation.

Trixy-I forgot to invite Jack out
shooting with me. 1 hope he didn't
feel hurt.
Dick (who knows her aim)-No; but
he would probably have felt so if he
had gone.-Philadelph Record.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14

Miss Younger-Do you really believe
that opals are unlucky2
Miss Elderly-Yes. A young man
once offered me an engagement ring
with an opal in 1t and l refused it,
Chicago Daily News.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1901-06-14

whats become of that friend of
yours who used to write poetry?"
do you mean Giddings?"
ayes"
"Oh, he's reformed"
"How SOP"
"He has stopped writing poetry and
now is general manager of a peanut
stand. d."-Detroit Free Press.