davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
TO ou1wlT THE JANIToR.
Flat Dwel1ers Fear of Ogre Has De
ve1oped New Industry.

Flat Dwel1ers Fear of Ogre Has De-
veIoped New Industry.
Gall right" said the locksmith, who
keeps a little shop in Amsterdam ave-
nue. and does odd jobs of no great i'm
portance In themselves for the resi-
dents of the neigh ghborhood, "all right,
sir, can fix this key to suit you,
think"
''You see" he explained to visitor,
according to the New York Herald,
when the customer had retired, 'the
wants me to give him janitor-proof
key, and I'm just the boy to do it. l
guess you don't know what janitor-
proof key is, because know you live
in house. II you lived in fiat you'd
know.
"When man moves into new apart
ment-that is, an apartment that is new
to him-the first thing he begins to
worry about Is the key proposition. I'll
take my oath that New York people are
the most suspicious set Of citizens that
ever saw in all my life Why, they
don't trust their relatives. After the
man Of the fiat gets his string Of two or
three keys from the janitor he begins
to let his suspicion loose.
HE thinks, of course, that the janitor
is predatory by nature. Maybe he is
right, but believe the law holds all
persons innocent until they are proved
guilty, and 1t would be a pretty hard
thing to do to prove a janitor guilty
Anyway, the man Of the fiat gets ner.
yous. He has received SO many keys
What is to prevent the janitor from
having kept duplicate key of the
apartment? Nothing at all. 1t would
be the easiest thing in the world for the
janitor to hold out, turning over all the
keys but one and making use of thai
to enter the fat whenever he saw 8
good opportunity in the absence of the
family.
That's the way the householder fig
ures the case out to himself. Then ht
comes around to some locksmith in tht
neighborhood and gives one excus,
after another to account for his wisl
to have the lock changed on his from
door. It doesn't make any differenc,
to locksmith what the reason is, s,
long as he gets paid for the work h,
does, but the sfatters' seem to think
necessary to spin him fairy yarn
Anyway, the matter ends by the lock
smith going around to the fat, taking |
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
| STARTLING STORY
TOLD BY A KANSAS CITY
NEWS AGENT.
In an Interview He Relates How He Ac.
complished What Many Others
Have Failed to DO.

Jack Williams, of No. 401 Della
ware street, says the Kansas City,
Mo-, Journal, is well known as an en-
terprising news agent and thorough
ly reliable man. He had been a suf-
ferer from kidney trouble and endured
much pain from it until recently,
when he tried Dr. Williams Pink
Pills for Pale People and with such
success that within a short time he
was entirely and permanently cured.
To reporter he said:
"For two years I had pains in the
back constantly, causing me serious
inconvenience. But did not at
tempt to do anything for my COM
plant until the latter part of last
winter, when I saw an advertisement
of DIR. Williams Pink Pills for
Pale People and decided to see what
they would do for me- l was relieved
within one week after I began taking
them; the pains disappeared and SO
complete was the cure that l have
not found it necessary to take further
treatment nor have I been troubled
at all by the disease since. -
Kidney complaint is an insiduous
disease. First come almost unnoticed
pains in the back and some slight in
convenience. The pains grow gradu,
ally worse and the inconvenience
greater till finally, if not given medi.
cal treatment, the person suffers awful
torture and becomes unfit to follow
his ordinary occupation. Blood pois
oning sets in, the constitution il
wrecked and death often results.
Mr.. William stock the one unfailine
remedy and was readily cured within
a few weeks. His statement was
sworn to before Lionel Noise, a no
tary public, and the facts above viii
bear the most searching investigation
DIR. Williams Pink Pills for Pal,
People will not only effect cure il
cases. similar to the one above, but
acting directly upon the blood ano
nerves. are an unfailing specific fo
such diseases as locomotor ataxia, par
tial paralysis, St. Vitus' dance, sci
atica, neuralgia, rheumatism, nervous
headache, after effects of the grip
palpitation of the heart, pale and sal
low compilations and all forms o
weakness either in male or female
At all druggists or direct from DR.
Williams Medicine Co., Schenectady
N. Y. Price SO cents per box, 81:
boxes, $3.50.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
The Mean Kind.

"It appears it was the gift of seven
cigars that revealed the hiding place
of Aguinaldo. -
81 smoked one of the sort the other
night.
What sort?'
''The sort that is mean enough to
make man betray his grandmother" "
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Making the Best of II.

Mrs. Flatbush-I call it rather cool
in those burglars leaving their card
after making clean sweep of every.
thing we own.
Flatbush-Yes; but my dear, we
now know who to go to if we evel
want to have any expert burglarizine
done.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Durability Of Wood.

In the very dry atmospheres the
durability of wood is almost incred-
ible. Pieces of wood, wooden caskets
and wooden articles have been with
drawn from Egyptian catacombs of
an antiquity 1000 or 5000 years
antedating the Christian era.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Automobiles as Transport wagons.

Experiments in France have proved con-
vincing, and the French believe they are
certain to play a role of much importance
in modern warfare. IL is odd to note the
different uses TO which nature and science
are put. On the battlefield they fight for
the destruction of life. while throughout
the country, Hostetter's Stomach Bitters
fights to preserve it. For fifty years the
Bitters has been curing dyspepsia, indiges;,
tion constipation and blliousness. 1t will
also prevent malaria, fever and ague.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Logic.

Johnny, your hair is wet. You've
been in swimming again."
81 fell in, ma
Nonsense; your clothes are per-
fectly dry"
"Yes'm knew'd you didn't
want me to wet 'em, SO took 'em off
before fell in"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
How II Happened.

Silas-How did you ever come to
let that bunco man take you in?
Hiram.-Well, kinder suspected
him at fust, but he said nobody'd
ever know was from the county; an
l though feller that didn't know
that much couldn't be dangerous.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
HIM.
This signature 10 on every box Of the genuine
Laxative Brom0.Q .Quinine Tablet.
the remedy that cures . cold in one oey
Verv Likely.

McJigger-There is rumor that
China is secretly raising another army
by conscription.
Thingumbob-Ah! I suppose the
open door is responsible for this
draft.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06

Learn to take pictures. The ga. B.
c. of Photography tells you how to
do it. The best book on photography
ever written. Your dealer can get it
for you. Camera Craft, $50 Sutter
street, San Francisco, Cal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
His View of Il.

McJigger-I thought your wife was
economical.
Thingumbob-Such ignorance! My
dear man, no woman is ever econom-
ical. She is either extravagant or
stingy.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Appreciation.

she-I like some of your articles
very much.
He-Oh, I'm so glad! Which was
the part you liked specially?
She-Well, liked the quotation
from Balzac.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
A Matter Of Expense.

doctor, what is the matter with
me?"
''You need about three months :"
rest from business-that is all.
"Three months rest? That will
cost me $1,000. The other doctor
said needed an operation for apend-
icitis. That would cost only 500.
think I'll let him operate.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
He's Flassed.

Marie-They'll II never be married.
Gracefully not?
Marie-Well, she won't marry him
until he pays his debts, and he can t
pay his debts until he marries her.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Hoitt,a schnnI.

At Menlo Park, San Mateo County, CAL, with
its beautiful, surroundings, perfect climate,
careful supervision, thorough instruction,
complete laboratories, and gymnasium, easily
maintains its position in the front ranks of
schools for boys on the Pacific Coast. Ira G..
Roitt, Ph. D., Principal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Spring Planting.

"Josiah is in terrible quandary. A"
"What now?"
''He doesn't know whether he gave
the canary the bird seed or whether
he gave it the flower seed. and planted
the bird seed"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Business is Business.

The Millionaire-Yes, your high
ness, intend to settle ten millions
on my daughter the day she is mar
ried.
The Duke-Just give me months
option on that and I'll consider it.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
.RobbIns Peter. i"

Towne-For goodness sake, what are
you SO cranky about2
Browne-0h, asked my wife to
sew button on my coat.
Towne-And wouldn't she do it?
Browne-Yes; but I've just discov-
cred that the button she sewed on my
coat was cut from my vest.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Got the Result ANYHOW.

Doctor-Well, my little man, you re
quite we'll again. How did you take
the pills, in water or with cake?
Bobby-I used them in my blow
gun.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
A Question.

Observing Gent-Pardon me, Mrs.
Oldday, but your hair is coming
down.
Mrs Oldday-Mine!
Observing Gent-Well, thought it
was yours.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Touched.

First Sharper Cat Pan-American ex-
position)-I hope you got the last dol
lar out of that galoot from Hacken-
sack, N. J. He came to the exposi-
tion because the papers say it's lib
eral education.
Second Sharper (complacently)-
Well, guess gave his education the
finishing touches. !"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Started Her Song.

Mrs. Brown Cat Mrs. Smiths tea
party)-Oh, dear, that dreadful Miss
Smith is singing again. I wonder
what started her.
Tommy Brown (aged seven)-I
dropped penny down her back when
she wasn't looking.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Hair Dye and Insurance.

Hair dye is considered so detri-
mental to long life that continental
assurance company refuses to insure
the lives Of persons using it.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Rough on Both.

Algy-Gladys, I fear I cannot love
you as should
laays-Why, what's the reason?
Algy-Because must confess I for
got to shave today.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Hadn't Reported Yet.

"You say he died soldiers death.
What was the fatal wound?"
''It isn't known. The investiagt-
ing committee hasn' t decided whether
it was due to the tobacco or to hot
irons"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06

The Best Prescription for Malaria
Chills and Fever is bottle of Groves Tasteless
Chill Tonic. It Is simply iron and quinine in
tasteless form. No Cure, No Pay. Price SOC
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Not Expensive Enough.

Mr. Park Slope-Do you believe
that the doctors will agree that, after
all, salt is the elixir of life?
Mr.. Midwood-Never! It's too
cheap!
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Clear Case.

Senator" she asked, edo you be-
lieve in the survival of the fittest?"
'"I do" he replied-''as long as
the fittest has the patronage to dis
tribute -
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Guessed the Cause.

The woman-Doctor, I have an
awful tired feeling.
The Doctor-Ah, let me see your
tongue.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
MANY Oysters Near Mobile.

A big oyster bed near Mobile, Ala,
has been sold for $130,00O. It is es-
timated that there are 500, 600 worth
of oysters in the bed at this time.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
How He Got There.

How'd I come here? Well," an
swered the sullen convict, 81 sneaked
in de back way, when nobody was
lookin' and hid in dis yere cell. :"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06

you KNOW WHAT you ARE TAKING
When YOU take Groves Tasteless Chill Tonic
because the formula is plainly printed on every
bottle showing that it Is simply Iron and Out.
nine in q tasteless form. No Cure. Ne Pay. Soc
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Referred to one Direction

81 see money is reported easier"
"Then it must mean that it goes
that way. It doesn't come any
easier"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06

Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Sooth-
ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their
children during the teething period.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
A Matter Of Environment.

"You ought to rise with the lark. "
"Well, if 1 had to perch all night
on cold twig suppose I'd be glad
to-"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06

Contain Mercury,
As mercury will surely destroy the sense of
smell and completely derange the whole sys-
tenn when entering it through the mucous sur
faces. Such articles should never be used ex-
cept on prescriptions from reputable physi-
clans, as the damage they will do is ten fold to
Halls Catarrh Cure, manufactured by F. ].
Cheney & Co., Toledo, o., contains no mercury,
and is taken internally, acting directly upon
the blood and mucous surfaces of the system.
In buying Halls Catarrh Cure be sure you get
the genuine. 1t is taken internally, and made
in Toledo, Ohio, by F. J. Cheney & Co. Testi.
monials free.
Sold by Druggists, price 75c per bottle.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
A Forced Alliance.

Muggins-He married the cook, I
believe.
Buggins-Yes; you see she wanted
to leave
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06

EsFA Permanently Cured. No fits or nervousness
FLO after frat iay q use Of Dr. Kline's Great Nerv
Restorer Send for FREE 81 90 trial bottle and treat
iss. De. KLINE Ltd y3l Arch st.. Philadelphia Pa
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06

When you're constipated, undigested food
rots in your stomach like garbage in q swill
barrel. Clean it out with Cascarets Candy Ca
- thartic! 10c, 2Dc, SOC.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06

Piso's Cure is the best medicine we ever
used for all affections of the throat and
lungs.-WM. o. ENDsLEY, Vanburen, Ind,
Feb. 10, 1900.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
Fond of the Baby.

"My wife doesn't stay but week
down at her mothers"
"Homesick?'
No; but her younger sisters ad-
mired our baby SO much that they
nearly washed it to pieces"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
She Knew Him.

"All is lost save honor, telephoned
the defeated candidate to his wife at
a. m.
"Well, you'll have to walk home,
then, she answered, "for that won't
do you any good on the owl cars. u
And then nothing but the low, hoarse
buzzing of the telephone wires answer.
ed her.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06

TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund the money if it fails to cure.
e. w. Groves signature is on each box. Csc.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06

Sfop0 the CouQki and
Works OFF fkso CoEd.
Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablets cure cold in
| one day. No cure, No Pay. Price 25 centA
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-08-06
red Skin
Moods CdrsdpariHd
He Knew.

Teacher-If you are polite and kind
to your young comrades, what will be
the result?
Bully Jones-They'll know they
can lick you.
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1901-03-05
Peticlon jqStisima

La "Liga de propietarios de fincas
u banas de San Juan," ha solcitado
de Mr. Hollander decrete 50 rebaje de
la Tenta brnta de las casas el 25 pS, y
que Sc publiquen las tasaciones todas.
D.cha asociaci6n funda su instancia
en- las consideraciones siguientes : Has
ia ahora Sc habia rebajado de la.renta
bruta de las casas ell 25 pS, teniendo
Sc en- cuenta los gastos por pago de
cohtribuciones al Tesoro insular y ell
Municipio, los arbtrios de este y de la
Sanidad local, y ell costo de reconstruc
ci0n, entretenimiento y saneamientO
de las fincas. Y respecto del % punto
EN- la convenjercia de que los contri
buyentes conozcan la quota que sc fila
a cada uno, fin de que obtengan que
ell repal TO sea legal y equitativo.
Ambas concesi0nes Sc venfau gozan
do y cCmo no las otorga ell bill Hollan
der, @ Tesorero puede acceder elias,
va que la Ley no Sc opone a que st
decieten Esto seIian un acto de jus
tioia.
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1901-03-05

dijo one vivfa en- Santander, donde Sc
ha hecho edidrar una ella, que no
permanecia en- Madrid en- invierno sino
para vigilar los eEsayos d. sds pleas ].
En- cnanto a su modo de trabajar, dfjo-
me discTetamente: "Veo mucho, ha-
bio con todo ell monde, trabajo con as
duidad" Y esta sencilez acah0 de
hacerme al bombre infiUitamente SIN
patico.
En- cuanto al esolitor, su evO'uci6n
cO'ucide con el flMec m erto de la no
vela realista en- FFancia. Desde hace
veinte amos ha tiatado de pintar en- sus
cuentos move as la vida real, en- Ia
one su vista penetra con una emoci6n
communicative. FL pueblo, las classes
bajas Y Ia burguesia, no tienen para et
secretos. Els veiidico v piadoso. atento
y generoso, our'cso y frme. Ha pinta
do adcirables figlras y creado, como
ti6Sofo Y como observador, toda una
humanidad.
Fl exitO de Electra es merecido. Els
el { ito de uu escritor leal, valente y
ger crosse"
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1901-03-05
Ell ARTE ESPANOL
EN- PARIS

Figaro WuStr6 ha dedicado su nj
nero, de Enero a Espand en- la Erpo-
sici6a. Els un bermoso nhmero, donde
apalecen admirab.es Teproduciones de
los cuadros de SOrolla, Jim6nez Aran
ia, FabI6', Domingo, etc, de las escul
turas de Qnerol, B.nllure Blay, de
los tap'ces de Palacio, y artfculos lleros
de aiabanzas para nuestro pats.
E mas inteTesante, asf por "a mate
ria de que trata como por la autor,dad
que 10 suscribe, es ell que firma Arse
ne Alexandra, unO de los primeros chi
ticos de Francia, como tOdos sa}en.
El insigne escritor estudia detenida
mehte las obras que los pintores es
cultores espanoles han presentado en- la
Exposition. Y su juicio no puede ser
mas sincere nj mas enthusiastic para
nosotr0s Bas e decir que Sc atreve q
escriDir 10 siguiente: LA luca Erase
con que podemos expresar' los france
ses la significaci6n. de EspaDa en- la Ex
p0sici6n es 6sta: en- dSuRt0s del drte no
hay Princes"
{ ita con elogio a los artistas j6yenes
que represeutan la nota original, como
Zuloaga, Iturrino, Mcneil, Canals, etc;
efcomia a Casas y Ruslnol, cuyos
.jardines de Granada lie parecen adrli
rabies, y Sc entusiasma con Vierge, ell
rey de las ilustraciones, artista incom
parable, cultivadOr de cierto. Iealsmo
HetraSpeclivo que peInIlo epgeoiar Ell
alma de 81 pals, presentand0 siempre
por sQ antecesores como un pats de
Opeleta.
SorOya es en- opinion de Alexandie,
uno de lbs mejores pinto:es de la escle
la espalula contemporaries. Alaba su
ejecuci6n, su maestria ell enc nto de su
color ! ce,eb!a sus luminOsas escenas
de la vida martina.
Eiogia despues los cuadros de Domin
go, Plnazo Jim6uez Amanda, Paredes,
Fabr6s, Oheca, Sala y Morera, y los
pasajes de Arredondo, llenos de espi
ritu encanto.
Para nuestTOs escultOIes tiene aplau
SOS enthusiasts el iIustre crltIcO. Los
grupos de B ay le parecen algo casI
COS, pero de noble y artfstico senti
timiento.
Querol es un artlsta austeio de gran
esniO, descendiente EN- lineO recta de
Begurrete' y Montail6s.
Su cabeza de San Francisco. su ba :
jorIelieve San Francisco curand0 d los
ieprosOs, le producen a Alexandra gran
admiration, asi por su ejecuci6n sor
pIendente como por su arte exquisite.
Y de LIZ Tradici6n dice cuanto pudie :
ra decir. ell mayor apasionado de nues-
tro gran artista.
A la estatua de Velazquez, de Ma
riano Benlliure. dedica grandes dlaban
2as. Del SepulcrO de Gdyarre estima
muy particuiaImente ell esplritu que 10
inforsha y sus bajorreiieves, alegr as y
adofDos "La tumba de un tenor dice
ne puede ser sencilla, va que NADIA
10 es en- Ia vida teaural.
Tal es' ell Juicio que IN gran crftco
lie merece el arte espanol presentadO
en- el 6ltimo celtameu y que merece
leerse por cuantos estimen las goiias
nacionales.