The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1901-11-01

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"Is there any cure for jealousyT
Yes" "WhatT "The faith cure. -
Chicago Post.
Mrs. Gaswell-The Gear of Russia
now has four daughters. Mr.. Gaswell-
Oh, the dear little Czardines!-Pitts-
burg ChronicIe-Telegraph.
Mother Where's papa? Flossie-
He's downstairs. Mother-What's he
doing? Flossie-His bicycle is out OF
breaff, and he's giving 1t some morel
Outside the Fence: Swipesey-Did
youse see de last baseball game? shorty
Yes, all but de last inning. Den's
when de limb broke.-Ohio State jour
nal.
Her Mother Edith, don't you think
you are getting too old to play with lit
tie boysY Edith--No, mamma; the old
er get the better like them.-Tit-
Bits.
",rhere are forty counties in our
State" remarks a Texas paper, that
resemble heaven III at least one import
ant particular-there isn't lawyer In
any of them"
II should think the Sphinx girls would
feel the disgrace. Their father has been
proved a common thief" Nothing Of
the sort. Why, he appropriated nearly
quarter of a million"
Hopeless Task: Larry-Bedad! Oh
don't think much av this coal oil exter-
minator for mosquitoes. Denny-Yez
don't2 Larry-No; it takes too long to
dip alch wan in tn oil separately.-Chi-
cago News.
Il hope you appreciate the fact, sir,
that in marrying my daughter you mar
ry large-hearted, generous girlY u
do, sir" with emotion); 'and hope she
inherits those qualities from her faith
er."-Tit-B Bits.
Diplomacy: First Boy-It's 6 o'clock.
Let's go home. Second Boy-Nit! II
we 60 home now Wen git licked fer
stayin' so late. If we stay till eight
we'll git Rugged and kissed fer not bein'
drowned.-Puck.
Crawford-Did your wife have good
time in the country? Crabshaw-Noi
the only thing that reconclled her was
the thought that she stayed away two
weeks longer than the woman next
door.-Town Topics.
Hands Off: "What have you got that
sign, Hands or posted outside your
works forT asked the curious indivld
ual. Because" returned the .joculal
mill owner, my men are on strike" =
Philadelphia Record.
Smoke and Fire: "Yes, it certainly Is
warm family; the son smokes and the
daughter scorches." How about the
father and mother?" "WelL, the ole
man fumes and the old woman blaze'
out at all hours. Chicago News.
Sympathy: "Yis; Mixes on shtrike
'Tis wan av thin sympathetic shtrikes
where they sympat'ize wit other mlt
that's shtrikin'." "An' so ye have t.
take in washin'?o "Yis; have to sym
pati'ze wit the childher!'-Puck.
Bennys Hedge: Benny Bloobumper
how do we know that the moon is two
hundred and forty thousand miles dis
tant from the earth?" Benny( alarmed
at the teachers manner) repied-Y-y
you said so yourself, sir.-Tit-Bits.
No Monkey Business; He offered t
act as her escort, but she declined thu
offer. "You are as full of airs as |
hand-organ," he spitefully declared
Possibly" she retorted; "but, just tn
same, don't go with crank."-Chi
cago News.
Her Reason: "Did you ever try any o
these health foodsY the sympathetl
friend asked Of the dyspeptic lady
"Yes," she replied, "and I'm not golnl
to eat any more of them" "Why notT
Because they spoil my appetite."-
Cleveland Plain Dealer
His Preference: Would you rathe
have something else than piece o
pie?' asked the kind neighbor of littl
Freddie, who had run an errand fo
her. "Yes, ma'am," said Freddie
promptly; 81 wu'd ruther hav' tw
pieces. ."-Ohio State Journal.
Not the Grammatical Kind: "What I
a coniunctionT' asked the teacher
THAT which joins together" was tn
, prompt reply. "Give an illustration,
said the teacher. The up-to-date gil
hesitated and blushed. "The marriag
J service" she said at last.-Chicag
Fost.
No Time to Lose: President (of o
well syndicate)-Advertise that W
have a few shares of new stock to Sc
at one dollar a share. Clerk-Whe
: shall put the ads in? "At once. We'y
. got to get money enough together
pay the next dividend. Detroit Ere
T Press.
Mistress Margaret, told you
cauld not permit you to entertain NAL
callers in the kitchen. You had ma
Z there last evening. Maid-I know |
.. mum; but that was Tim Murphy,
tur'ble bashful feller. Ye'd never injuC
him to stip into the parlor.-Bosto
, Transcript.
Harry-Wonder why it was this
Frank and Bertha broke off their el
gagement? understand it was all a
/ ranged, even to the marriage da.
: Dick-It was discovered that the WEI
4 ding ring was made by non-union labC
! so the clergyman refused to perfoli
the ceremony and no other minister
town dares to do it.-Boston Transcrip
He Liked 1t: Wife-How do you lik
p my new fall hat? Husband-The idea {
+ paying big prices for Wife-Bi
/. prices! Why, made 1t myself. Hu
!, band -Um-yes- er-as | was sayinI