The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1901-02-01
THE GAME WAS LOST.
AND 412 POUNDS OF BASEBALL IDOL
WAS SHATTERED.


They Told Him to Slide.
'.Well, why is it you never played
baseball yoursef?' asked latter day
fan OF the very stout man sitting in
the corner. You say you were the
mascot for the famous Lightfoot Lilies
of Jones county. and yet. with the ex-
ception Of the time that they put you
il to force the winning run in the thr
teenth by being hit in the stomach.
you never seem to have played your
self. After such successful daring were
you never asked to play again? I don't
quite understand"
The stout man gaZed at the speaker
searchingly for a few minutes and
then. apparently satisfied that the Ques-
tons were asked in good faith, proceed
ed to unfold the one dark shadow in
his otherwise sunny life.
Have you never heard?" he began.
Then now you shall hear, and. though
| think no blame should rest with me.
you yourself shall judge of that. Lis
ten. You have already referred to the
contest in which | forced the winning
run owing to the pitchers inability to
put the ball over the plate without
striking my corporation. This. | be-
lieve, was due to a law Of physics
which states that but one body can &C.
cupy the same space at the same time
or words to that effect. But. whatever
the cause, | acquired reputation for
high class baseball second to none in
Jones county and at once got a regular
position on the team. My figure being
my stock III trade. Captain Slugger
Burrows of the Lightfoots spared no
pains in bringing me to physical per-
lection before the next game with the
Roarers. Under q carefully selected
diet of beer. butter, lard, potatoes and
cod liver oil rapidly rose from a mea-
ger 800 pounds to the magnificent fig
ure of 412.
"For the first eight innings of the
great contest, which ultimately proved
my downfall. fully sustained my en-
viable reputation for artistic ball play
ing Three times the bases were full.
with the Roarers one run in the van.
salvation by forcing the tieing run by
means of my superior figure. Three
times the home rOOters We'd with one
another in futile attempts to pay me
suitable homage. | was truly more
than queen. And then that fatal ninth.
with it's brimful cup of gumless btters!
Four hundred and twelve pounds of
shattered idol!
SIN the last half of the ninth reach
ed first through my customary strategy.
b Later | succeeded in gaining third by
a daring bit of base running while the
Roarers' fielders were searching for
Bull Thompson's liner on the other
side of the center field fence. Sammie
Salmon and one of the Foote twins
died easy deaths on infield pop flies.
There we were: Ringtail ROarers, II;
Lightfoot Lilies, IS; two out, Thomp-
son and yours truly on second and
third bases respectively and the in
vincible Home Run Hankins at the
bat All were breathless with sus-
pense. The pitcher swung his arm
back slowly, and then, swish. bang!
Home Rum Hawkins never missed his
aim. l struggled bravely toward TIE
plate, and i'll less time than it takes to
tell it Thompson was at my back push
ing violently. l doubled my efforts. A
moment later Hankins himself caught
up and joined in the single file struggle
for home and victory. Twas do or
die. and the people were like lunatics
in their wild excitement. Spurred on
by their cheers. l was soon but five
feet from the plate. with Thompson
and Hankins still dancing at my heels.
Then suddenly a voice rose clearly
above the others. Slide. Willie, slider
it rang out Oh, fatal words"
At this point the fat ex-mascot was
overcome by emotion and stopped
short. 1t was some minutes before he
could pull himself together sufficiently
to 60 on with his sad story
WELL he said at last. Il slid. Div
ing gracefully forward. slid nicely
calculated slide that brought my chest
directly above the rubber. But the en-
thusiasm this occasioned among the
Lilies was short lived.
"Touch the plate, you fool touch the
plate" Bull Thompson and Hawkins
yelled together.
Now. would you believe it, sir. try
as would couldn't My corporation
had been overturned. Lying face down,
was so high from the ground that my
arms would not reach the plate.
crock met cried. Rock me!
"'Rock you% Bull Thompson roared.
Rock you? Well rock you. stone you,
egg you. and-touch that plate. dye
hear?'
Rock me- | pleaded. with tears
in my eyes. You don't understand.
Rock ME like you would a rocking
horse Tilt me. can't touch bottom
"'Twas too late. While | had been
explaining my predicament to, those
blockheads. the Roarers' fielders found
the ball. and-er-well. we lost. After
ward | told Captain Slugger Burrows
how it happened and begged for just
one more chance. No use. He said
that any fool with my shape ought to