Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1901-03-25
WANTED: COOK.
BY Raymond Maxwell.

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holy estate of matrimony with high
| passed many happy evenings arranging
| the details of their future home.
The servants were to be treated with a
firm but mild kindness which was to re-
duce them to a condition of loving SUBJ
| mission. Julia said that 1t would be very
| pleasant to be always served by the same
faithful creatures. and she even went so
far as to imagine Arthur's funeral when
his bier would be surrounded by a group
of white haired servitors who would SOD
that they had lived with Master for
forty-hve years. Arthur answered that If
the servants did stay forty-ive years
! they would be most likely to call him
the old man." yet he was pleased with
the idea. He was also to have the priv
lege OF bringing home company whenever
he wished. His wife would receive them
with a smile and then they would all sit
down to a simple. though perfect dinner.
The Van Tynes built a pretty little
house with every modern convenience to
add to the burden of their existence.
They had steam heat. electric lights, sta
tionary tubs, dumb walters, soiled clothes
chutes, telephone, burglar alarms at
every window, hard wood floors, patent
ventilators and everything that the ar
chitect's fertile mind could suggest.
When the house was finished and fur
/ nished their friends called it a little
paradise" None inquired after the ser
pent, but she was Thereon rather not
there most of the time. Her place was
in the kitchen. The serpent was known
nominally as the cook.
The first cook stayed two weeks, then
quarreled with the second girl ard de-
parted. Another cook came, fingered for
five brief days and then left because she
said. them convaniences wud set her
crazy inside of a month Then cook af-
ter cook passed through the Van Tyne
kitchen, pausing only long enough to
kindle hope in the heart of Mrs. Van
Tyne and then quench it.
When the little Van Tynes began to
come to live with their parents the ques-
ton became even graver. If the fourth
little Van Tyne had been a raging lion
instead of a sweet, pink baby, he could
not have caused more misery. He made
his mother lose a "jewel'' who had been
with her for over four months and who
had promised to stay forever If Mrs. Van
! Tyne would have a new porcelain lined
sink put in the kitchen.
Arthur Van Tyne became a past master
in the wording of allurtng and misleading
advertisements. He said that he expected
to be arrested at any moment for obtain
ing cooks under false pretenses, but he
gave full reign to his Imagination. He
always spoke of his family as rather
large, but quiet and easy pleased"
| while q c q r1atfar IF fort tha O,,p Xva,
Tynes were small but lively. He knew
to his misery that plain cooking meant
the ability to boil potatoes, fry a beef
steak and make weak tea, yet he always
put it in his advertisements as a bait.
Then after he had spent a small fortune
in ads" he turned to employment agen-
cies. One day while haunting the agency
of Mrs. Sarah B. Hackett, he found a
cook who said she could really cook and
didn't object to small children. She went
home with him and put on her apron.
The Van Tynes found that she could cook
and then they waited patiently to learn
her infirmity-for by this time they had
learned that no cook is perfect. They
found out that first evening.
The wierd, long drawn notes of an ac-
Gordon came floating In from the kitch-
en-. The Van Tynes looked at each other
and smiled. In his rash youth Arthur
Van Tyne had said that he would never
tolerate an accordion in his house, but
new he only grinned foolishly as he lis
tened to THE Georgia Camp Meeting
The cook played the accordion in all
her leisure hours, but the Van Tynes
were too meek now to hint that they pre-
ferred another instrument. In this lull
Van Tyne wrote to his parents. skiing
them to pay him a visit. Il want you to
see our babies" he wrote. 80 hurry up
and come while we've got a cook"
A day or two before he expected them,
Mrs. Van Tyne ventured to tell the cook.
When she returned to the library she
said: I'VE can't have your father and
mother just now, Arthur"
Why not?" he asked.
Cook says that she doesn't like people
staying in the house. She don't object
to 'mealers' once in a while. but she
won't have 'sleepers' because it makes so
much fuss at breakfast"
Van Tyne said something behind his
book, the added Il suppose I'll have to
telegraph them not to come. We can say
we think Minnie's coming down with
some disease, for | don't want to hurt
their feelings. And it won't be any lie,
either, for she'll catch something before
the kilograms delivered"
"Mlnnie's had everything but the Span
ish measles and the smallpox" her moth
er answered, with sorrowful pride.
Il thought she had had all three kinds
of measles" Van Tyne said. But there
are four k~inds-red, black. Spanish and
German. l do hope that all the children
will have the last kind this winter. then
we will be through
Then Minnie will invent a new kind
herself. She won't ever be satisfied If
she doesn't have some kin of a RASH
Van Tyne answered. Between the chill
dren being sick and our servants my life
isn't worth living any more"
But for a time all went well again.
Then a month later Mrs. Van Tyne met
her husband at the front door as he
came home to dinner. She made a tragic
gesture. She is going TO leave US. Ar
thur" She" in the Van Tyne house al
ways meant the ~reigning cook. "She has
given me a weeks notice. With 80 many
children well never get another"
w might murder the children and hide
the bodies down cellar Van Tyne sug-
gested. We could tell the nelghbors that
we had sent EN- IL to the country"
Arthur, how can you joke on such a
subject? What can we DOR
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