The Press., 1901-08-22
SARCASM IN SIGNS.
ADVERTISEMENTS THAT AT TIMES
BECOME A MocKERY.

RRmtm AgCemCeB OF Men VINO h00
Seen Worse Days and Irritating
Announcements When They Were
Hard UP and Out of Employment.
The advance agent met the leading
man of another show the other night.
and, as they had not seen each other in
seven years, there was a warmness
about their greeting that was refresh
ing.
Dear old Tom" said the leading
man. II was thinking Of you not five
minutes ago. Sit down, you dear old
fellow! passed bakery not FIVE min
utes ago, and thought of you. Why,
here's Willis! was just saying to
Tom that / never see bakers that I
don't think Of him. Tom and were
poor once! Mighty poor too. l re-
member that we had been turned out
of different homes on the same cold
time by chance. We shared the COM
forts of butchers wagon that night
and went upon a rummaging expedi-
ton the next day. We halted in front
of q German bakery, half starved and
disguised with life generally. There
was a huge sign In the window which
said, There Is No Cake Like Ours We
hadn't penny between us, but Tom
stepped in and asked for a sample of
the cake. The Dutchman didn't ap-
preciate the humor Of the request, so
Tom said, You may keep your cake,
boss; but, say, give me chunk Of
bread, quick. or I'll cut out your giz-
zard.' I'll never forget that cake sign
because it took us hours to get away
from the police who were attracted to
the scene by the bakers cries for help"
But that was not my only expert
ence with a peculiar sign" remarked
the advance agent after hearty laugh.
1.-THE year before l went on the road
for the first time was in as hard luck
as ever man was. l had pawned ev-
erything in sight and was almost starv-
ed. l found an umbrella In the hall
way of down town building, and the
janitor told me to keep it. 1t was a
fairly good rain shield, and l immedi-
ately carried it to mine uncle. didn't
know this particular relative, although
l had formed the acquaintance of hun
dreds Of his people. His place was on
Sixth avenue, and he gave me rs cents
on it, which l gladly accepted. AS he
was making out the ticket he said:
DO you want to save it from the
mothsT
Eyes, answered.
""That will cost you IL cents. Per-
haps you would like to have 1t insured?
1t Is always advisable, but it will cost
you IL cents more replied my friend.
"'All right l said. Take good care
Of it, He could have eaten it for all
cared, for l never intended to redeem
it. was about to leave the place when
l saw a big sign on the far wall. 1t
said:
"'No extra charge for putting watch
es and jewelry in the safe in the office
watches and jewelry! 1t brought
the tears to my eyes, and as l crawled
into my 10 cent bed that night
thought Of diamond necklaces, pearls
and rubies Of priceless value and-cake.
Oh, the curse of some signs! How they
mock the poorv'
They were all silent a moment, but
the one addressed as Willis was the
first to resume conversation, and he
said:
'There's my friend. Big John Smith.
Let me introduce him. Since you chaps
are talking Of signs and hard luck, let
me tell you Of the time that had to
leave my trunk at the old Stevens
House, on lower Broadway, and light
out by the shades of midnight to get
away from a hotel bill that couldn't
pay. Everything had in the world
was locked up in that trunk, and as l
could not remove anything without ex-
citing suspicion thought it best to
keep out of Jail by leaving everything
behind me. I must have walked the
streets at least a week famished and
ing along an up town street. hoping to
die, when l happened to look up and
saw a sign as big as my hopes were
small. This sign read:
1--WE Are Not Daylight Robbers.
Trunks! Trunks! From the Battery
to the Harlem Bridge to Your Room
For % Cents
IF that sign was not the irony of
fate in my case. l do not know what
to call it."
"Oh, that's a small affair alongside
Of my experience" said Smith. sit Is
only q few years ago too. l had been
unemployed for several months, and as
had six little shavers to take care Of
did not have much trouble spending the
little money had saved. didn't seem
to have a friend in the wide world to
turn to, and spent my last copper for
a paper to examine the employment COL
umn. 1t was about Christmas time,
and l dreaded going back home to face
the scolding landlord. l recall that I
stopped in front Of the Harlem Office
Of a newspaper to see the holiday
crowd go by. and as / did so saw a
sign that made my blood run cold. 1t
said:
"There Is No Reason Why You
Should Be Idle. Insert a Want AID.
-Four Cents Line
1.-THE pronoun was printed in i'm
mense letters, and l had the greatest
trouble dissuading myself that it was
not intended for me, and me alone.
OF course it wasn't, but that sign burn
ed into my memory, and l have
thought Of it innumerable times since"
"Oh. pshaw!" rejoined the leading
man after pause. Il suppose it is i'm
possible to please. everybody with pub
lie signs. / saw one in Buffalo once
which said: Attention. blind men.
Read this and be cured which referred
to a new treatment for the blind. All
signs cannot be expected to satisfy the
ideas Of everybody."-New York Mail
and Express.
A Curious Tree.
There is a curious combination troo