The Oskaloosa herald., 1901-07-25
CHARACTER PoTPoURRI.
ReIncarnatiOn of Some OF the Latest
Heroes and Heroines of Pop
uIar Writers.

quet of the Fortnightly Club. June, 1901, al
| Cbadron, Neb.l
The Character Club had gathered
at their rooms for their regular
monthly business social meeting.
Many matters of Importance we're to
be discussed and full attendance OF
the members had been anticipated
Senator Lyon was in the chair, his
wife, the former Mrs. Nettletoi1, in
her brilliant wedding costume OF
white silk, smiling up at him from
her seat near the front. VIM. BTol0er,
because of his reportorial success
and his former acquaintance with
Horace Greeley, was permanent
secretary.
Just as the meeting was about to
come to order, commotion arose in
the cloak room, from whence pro-
ceeded shouts aud growls and the
noise of falling blows. The lady
members turned pale with fright, and
several men of courage were just
Fastening to the rescue, when in
came Uncle Eben Holden, dragging
the lifeless form of Municipalities pet
panther. "By the Lord Harry" ex-
claimed Uncle Eb., mo tarnal swift
shall live around where I'm a camp
in; I've killed a many one in my
time, but dono how this critter came
in these parts" Explanations fol-
lowed, and the club took up the rou-
tine business of the evening.
So many new characters were COM
ing into prominence that there were
numerous applications for member
ship in the club, and great discrim-
ination had to be shown that only
those who were eligible be received.
Much discussion was raised over the
application of Booker T. Washing
ton. Objection was made on account
of his color, but the secretary, who
had 30 neaaly lost his life in battling
for the freedom of the colored race,
in an impassioned speech put to
shame those who had mentioned such
thing. Some one suggested that
Diccon was already a member, and
another member shouted, Eyes, but
he knows his place as the servant of
Ralph Percy, and does not aspire to
run colleges or write books" At this
point an amicable settlement was
reached by a speech from Jeremy
Sparrow, in which he proved that
although DiccOn and NGntGquaLaS
were members of the club, that this
man Washington was not, properly
speaking, character, as he had only
existed in his own autobiography.
He was accordingly black-balled.
. The hour was growing late, and
savory smells were emanating from
the banquet room when the manly
form of REQ. - craig arose in the
rear of the room aud hush fell upon
the assembly. Mr.. craig, who had
at former meeting been appointed
chairman of a committee on resolu-
tions, offered the following:
WHEREAS, 1t has come to the ears
of this club that certain people of
literary proclivities have been devot-
ing themselves TO the study of us
characters, and,
WHEREAS, They have been meeting
on Monday nights and saying things
discreditable and uncomplimentary
about us, and,
WHEREAS, Some have even gone so
far as to say they could have written
better books and described better
characters than ourselves, therefore,
be it
ReSOLoed That it is the sense of this
meeting that, on and after this date,
they who speak disparagingly of us
or our authors should be compelled
to write a book themselves and give
the critics chance at them, and that
the members of this club be allowed
to appoint the said critics.
These resolutions were approved
by rising vote and much applause
and, without resuming their seats,
the members passed into the supper
room. This was the first occasion
upon which the program of the club
had included refreshments, and was
now possible only through the gener-
osity of Mr. 1TumbuU, who had given
carte blanche to the caterers and set
tied all bills himself.
Unlocked for confusion was caused
when the guests sought seats, from
the fact that Lord CGrnGL seated HIM
self on the left side ofEthe former
Lady Joceiy1 Leigh just as Captain
Percy took a chair on her right. Bah
cock Littifton and Lyon all tried to
take coveted seats next to their for
mer wife, and Mr.. craig very graci-
ously withdrew when he saw Supt.
MG10r draw up chair next to Mrs.
craig. Eyes flashed, bands went to
sword hits, the colored walters turn
ed to an ashen gray with fright, and
a hush of impending alarm fell upon
the company A near by town clock
struck the midnight hour and the
Night Man, now in. his glory, called
attention to the fact that {cards by
the plates would Indicate where each
one was TO sit Soon all we're seated
and their spirits rose aslthey con-
templated the viands set before them.
All, did I say? There was one for
whom no card was found and no plate
was laid at the festal board Tut in q
dark corner of the room a'single table
with one lonely chair was left for him,