The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1901-12-13
A SOCIAL SESSION.

! Last n = Na1 ~fNHAuS -hN AA~tA'
! Bills gave a Ladies Social Session
which proved grand success 50
cially. humorously and FISHERY.
Immediately after tue regulai
meeting. the doors were openeC
and the Social Session was on
Brother Chas. Oil Well Denham oc
cupied the chair, and he filed i
with all the grace and elegance
that is characteristic of all corpu
lent Elks.
After taking up a collection fol
the benefit Of Mrs. O'Flanihooligan
whose physical Affections and nu
merous posterity appealed even tc
the sympathetic pocket book Of
Brother Jim Porter, Master Jim
mic Reynolds sang a beautiful bal
lad, entitled, THE Sleeping Pas.
tor Charges were then preferred
against the Hebrew Elk for egg ex-
t0rtion, namely, that the defendant
sold the Lodge four bad eggs and
put in bill for twenty cents. He
was accordingly arraigned before
the court, and plead guilty. Wit
nesses we're summoned aud testi-
mony given pro and con, the con-
census Of which was a unanimous
concurrence that the eggs were
bad. The antlered aspirant for
County Judge presented the case
very forcibly for the prosecution,
claiming that we've the eggs good,
it we're out of all bounds of reason
for the defendant to charge such
an exorbitant price, but as they
we're bad, real bad, it was crime,
and should justice be done, the de-
PENDANT would be convicted Of poul-
try murder in the first degree.
Col. D. A. Automobile handled
the defense with equally great skill.
He claimed that the Lodge had or
dered the defendant to purchase
bad eggs, and that the defendant
had to buy several dozen good eggs
before he could procure the requited
number of bad ones, and that con-
sidering the money and time ex-
pended by the defendant, twenty
cents was very small remunera-
ton for his services, "bht, said he,
setting all this aside, the very
fact that my client is a Jew, should
clear him" This was tpreuve
convainquante, and the juryy after
a few glasses of cold-water punch
in the ante--oom, brought in YER
dict of mot guilty" but sentenced
him to stand before the court, and
with thumbs extended ifropposlte
directions, say that lie was Jew
just from Jerusalem, for asserting
that the Lodge had ordered decayed
henfruit. The jury were heavily
fined for contempt Of court.
Richard Yea and Nay was fined
twenty dollars tor doing nothing.
Prof e. c. Paderewski was fined
FIVE dollars for irritating the piano.
After several more fines, it was
decided to change the subject, as
'twere, because "Tubby" was
dreadfully pale.
-Four candidates for initiation
we're called for from among thei
feminine guests, and finally Miss
Wayne Gardner, Miss Bessie Gard
ner, Miss Lulu Swiggart and Miss
Ella Whipple we're persuaded to
tread the rocky way to Elkdom.
They were made good Elks IN due
and ritualistic form. After taking
the obligation to wed none but
Elks and to support them as long
as they lived, they were presented
with handsome Elk pins.
Prof. Beck's rendition Of Wag-
ner's lie Goo-Goo Yeux' was SUI
perb, but the chairman's musical
ear was tuned to high pitch and
the bum note struck in the finale
cost the Professor three and half.
After Brother Greer's elegv on
1.-THE Beautiful Snow" refresh
ments were declared in order, and
that part Of our anatomy which we
feed, smiled grin of
great beauty and large muchness.
After we had ate and ate (making
sixteen) until we had the b-b-back-
ache, it was announced that Mr..
Robinson would masticate the fab
ric. HIS topic was "Elks," and in an
instructive speech and eulogy, hie bly,
and enlightened many