The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1901-1901, 1901-08-02
SARCASM IN SIGNS.
THAT At TIMES
BECOME A MOCkERY.

"Reminiscences of Men Who Had
Seen Worse Days and Irritating
Announcements When They Were
Hard Up and Out of Employment.
The advance agent met the leading
man of another show the other night,
and, as they had not seen each other In
seven years, there was a warmness
about their greeting that was refresh
Ing.
Dear old Tomv said the leading
man. II was thinking of you not five
minutes ago. Sit down, you dear old
fellow! passed bakery not five min
utes ago, and thought of you. Why,
here's Whilst was just saying to
Tom that never see bakers that
don't think of him. Tom and were
poor once! Mighty poor too. l re-
member that we had been turned out
of different homes on the same cold
night and met each other for the first
time by chance. We shared the COM
forts of butchers wagon that night
and went upon rummaging expedi-
ton the next day. We halted in front
of a German bakery, half starved and
disguised with life generally. There
was a huge sign in the window which
said, There Is No Cake Like Ours We
hadn't q penny between us, but Tom
stepped in and asked for a sample Of
the cake. The Dutchman didn't ap-
preciate the humor Of the request, SO
Tom said, You may keep your cake,
boss; but, say, give me chunk Of
bread, quick, or I'll cut out your giz-
zard.' I'll never forget that cake sign
because it took us hours to get away
from the police who were attracted to
the scene by the bakers cries for help"
"But that was not my only expert
ence with q peculiar sign," remarked
the advance agent after a hearty laugh.
"The year before went on the road
for the first time was in as hard luck
as ever man was. had pawned ev-
erything in sight and was almost starv-
ed. l found an umbrella in the hall
way of down town building, and the
janitor told me to keep it. 1t was q
fairly good rain shield, and immedi-
ately carried it to mine uncle. l didn't
know this particular relative, although
l had formed the acquaintance Of hun
dreds of his people. His place was on
Sixth avenue, and he gave me Is cents
on it, which gladly accepted. AS he
was making out the ticket he said:
lido you want to save it from the
mothsY
eyes answered.
""That will cost you IL cents. Per
haps you would like to have it insured
1t is always advisable, but it will cost
you IL cents MORE replied my friend.
"'All right said. Take good care
Of it. He could have eaten it for all
cared, for l never intended to redeem
it. l was about to leave the place wher
saw a big sign on the far wall. L
said:
"'No extra charge for putting watch
es and jewelry in the safe in the office.
watches and jewelry! 1t brough
the tears to my eyes, and as crawlet
into my 10 cent bed that night
thought Of diamond necklaces, pearls
and rubies Of priceless value and-cake
Oh, the curse of some signs! How the,
mock the poorv'
They were all silent moment, blu
the one addressed as Willis was tn
first to resume conversation, and b.
said:
"There's my friend, Big John Smith
Let me introduce him. Since you chap
are talking Of signs and hard luck, lie
me tell you Of the time that l had t
leave my trunk at the old Steven
House, on lower Broadway. and ligh
out by the shades Of midnight to &c
away from hotel bill that couldn'
pay. Everything had in the worl
was locked up in that trunk. and as
could not remove anything without ez
4 citing suspicion thought 1t best t
+ keep out of Jail by leaving everythin
K behind me. l must have walked tn
streets at least a week famished an
penniless. One afternoon l was pas.
ing along an up town street. hoping
> die. when l happened to look up an
q saw a sign Us big as my hopes wer
small. This sign read:
awe Are Not Daylight Robber
Trunks! Trunks! From the Batter
to the Harlem Bridge to Your Roo
y For 25 Cents
y IF that sign was not the irony I
,e fate in my case. do not know wh'
to call It,"
"Oh, that's q small affair alongsit
g of my experience" said Smith. 1T
only a few years ago too. I had bee
unemployed for several months, and |
~ had six little shavers to take care of
:, did not have much trouble spending Il
u little money had saved. I didn't see
to have a friend in the wide world
turn to, and spent my last copper
s. q paper to examine the employment c,
er umn. 1t was about Christmas tin
le and dreaded going back home to ia
r. the scolding landlord. l recall that
I'd stopped in front of the Harlem Off
w Of a newspaper to see the holid
crowd 60 by. and as I did SO saw
sign that made my blood run cold.
said:
OF "'There Is No Reason Why Y
n | A