The daily morning journal and courier., 1901-01-26

of comprehension. When, on the dizzy top of my first London bus, ar inof- fenslve-looking English woman turned
 to me and said, stiff1y Thank you!"
 l did not understand her. Twice she
 repeated with stern emphasis, Thank you!" and half rose from her seat.
 Then I saw that she wanted t pass me. The remark was a request the first time, a command the second. But how
 pray, was an American to know that? Even the simple words up" and down" proved too much for me when I found them marking the platforms of q suburban station. Being bound for the north I selected the side placarded Up trains" Presently porter came to me and demanded abruptly, Where for?" York" said I. A shade of
 melancholy crossed his face. You'll
 ave to cross the line by the bridge,
 miss; this is the hup side" I pro- tested that I was going due north, and
 would by no means take the down
 train. Well, you be going from Lon
 don, beant you, miss?" retorted the
 porter, as if that settled it. And, in
 deed it did. North, south, east or west,
 it's 'up' to London, and down" to
 everything else in the island. On an-
 other occasion I came near being
 dashed to death by pursuing hanson,
 because, forsooth, I stood still when
 the driver yelled Hi! hi!" to me. "Hi!"
 meant Hold on, there, I want to speak
 to you,,' so I incontinently drew up.
 Five of these mystifying phrases
 noted in my diary and unralelled them
 one by one. They were: Steam round-
 about "a fall for travelling" annual
 sermon," ''cubicle" and chocolate
 sandwich" The sandwich I ate; it was
 layer cake. The cubicle investigated,
 and found it to be a tiny bedroom.
 The annual sermon, I found on inquiry,
 The fall bought, and it proved to be
 veil Lastly I refused to have any,
 thing to do with a steam roundabout
 when it turned out to be a rampant
 merry-go- round.
 Still, on the whole, I had little seri- ous trouble in understanding what was
 said to me. It needed only little in- genuity and few questions to get at
 the English meaning. When it came to making the English understand me-
 however, it was a very different mat
 ter. I found them anything but agile in interpreting unfamiliar phrases. It was only after repeated failures to per- suade the bus conductor to "let me out" at a specific crossing that I learned to say put me down." which worked like charm. I asked book ing clerk for stopover privileges, and he stared in amazement. I might "break the journey" if I liked, but what did mean by "stop over?" Re turn trip" only served to elevate every body's eyebrows. I soon learned to re- place it with How much for the round?" Nobody understood me when asked how many blocks or squares 1t was to the cathedral. But if I said, "Can you direct me to the cathedral?" out came the concise reply, Top of the street. second turning to the left. You can't miss it." Tn Warwickshire I tried to send my too cumbersome trunk ahead by express. The porter assured me this was mpossible-there was no such system in England. "Freight?" No, he didn't know anything about freight. It took the penetration of the hotel porter to fathom my difficulty and supply the magic words, goods train." In London I attempted to buy a pair of silver of silver cuff buttons
 T don't think we have the article, mad am," said the perplexed clerk Sleeve buttons?" No better. Cuff buttons sleeve links?" Still no success. Things to fasten your cuffs with!" I cried at last in desperation. Slowly light broke over his countenance "Af!" he exclaimed, you mean solitaires!' and he didn't mean diamonds, either. Again needing a paper fan for steamer use. I inquired at. pharmaceutica chemist shop where fans were to be found. and was directed to a fruit dealer and flor ist hard by An unlikely place., thought I. However. in I went and demanded a fan. "Certainly," said the obseuuious but do you require one in a pot?' They thought I said "fairn' to rhyme with "bairn'' and that in their dialect, is spelled fern. Onlv by saying ''fahn" should I get what wanted. hastily explained and was to the establishment of H. Quick x Son, silk mercers, linen drap- CTS, haberdashers and upholsterers. where I found my article in the iron mongery department.
 Perplexing, even vexatious, as are these misunderstanding they are not without their compensation. If our differences with o,,, cousins overseas could all be smoothed into tame uniformity, our English ex- periences would be robbed of half their spice. The little verbal sparring matches by the way are pleasantly For myself I found the exercise most congenial.
 There is a certain amount of phil