West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1901-03-07
MR.. BOWSER'S
TRiBULATlONS.
lie makesan Experiment In the Interest
OF Science With Startling
Results.

49, HN"t CNSdu WIZ
Bowser after dinner the other even
ing-"'do you know what prevents
men from reaching the North
Pole ?"
"Several things" replied Mrs.
Bowser, who, being the only one
present, took it that the query was
addressed to her.
eyes, several things, but princi-
pally because of the cold. But
for the awful temperature around
the pole men could easily over
come the other difficulties. When
the thermometer registers 100 de-
grees below zero, the life blood of
the strongest man congeals. He
must either retreat or die"
"Well, what of it ?" she asked.
"What of it !" he repeated with
chuckle. "If you overcome the
cold, you discover the pole, don't
you ?"
"And you have found a way of
overcoming the cold, / suppose. 1t
is two weeks since you had a fad,
and was wondering what would
come next. If you are going to
visit the North Pole with lot of
hot water bags strapped around
your body to keep your temperature
at summer heat, let's hear about it,"
"Being as you are a woman and
being as every woman is, about
half idiot, | can overlook your
sarcasm. Your way of encouraging
a husband to seek for fame is to
belittle every plan he originates.
Had Columbus had a wife like YOU
this American continent would have
continued to be a paradise for
woodchucks. Expecting nothing
but ridicule and sarcasm in reply, l
will, however, ask you a question
or two. Suppose that a man going
out with temperature of 20 degrees
below zero raises the temperature OF
his body 20 or 40 degrees"
"rhat would offset the Cold" re-
piled Mrs. Bowser.
"Your head is not filed a
with sawdnst after all. Yes,
1t would work that way and ~
don't you see my plan ? To ~
meet the cold of the North NW
Pole we simply keep on ~
raising the temperature. It's the
simplest thing in the world, and
yet nobody seems to have thought
of it. Mrs. Bowser, consider the
North Pole discovered. Consider
it discovered by Mr.. Bowser."
He stepped back and bowed be-
fore her, and the cat came out from
under the lounge and squinted at
both and wondered whether it was
a question of science or mouse
traps.
eyes, but how are you going to
raise the temperature of the body a
hundred degrees or more ?" uueried
Mrs. Bowser.
Gust as easy as lifting up your
foot. Do you see these lozenges ?
They contain no less than six
different redhots including cayenne
pepper. Two of them are guaran-
teed to make the blood boil and
cause the temperature around the
pole to seem like an August day in
America. / shall at once consult
the Government about sending out
an expedition. The Government
provides the ship, and Bowser's
lozenges do the rest"
"But you haven't tried them
yet"
"No, but | am about to do so. i
wonder if our cook wouldn't eat
one and then sit on a snow bank in
the back yard and see how it
worked ?"
"Of course she wouldn't"
"Well, there are others. I'll
find a couple of tramps who'll sit out
all night for quarter apiece. I'll
run pair of them in at once and
get the experiment under way"
"You'd-you'd better wait ?" she
faltered, as he started for the door.
"Why wait ?" he asked. ats
cold night, with snow and tramps at
hand for experiment. If an expe
dition is to be sent out, it will wish
to start in the spring"
"But it will end in a row."
at will end in the discover, Of
the North Pole and make the name
OF Bowscr better known than that
Of Columbus. You just keep quiet
and let me run this thing"
q lie put on his hat N.
and overcoat, and it ~
~ did not take him FIVE