The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1901-10-05
n good deal of the nature of the ami


"That means to say you know
horse from jackass when you see
them," continued the lawyer in the
same style, looking knowingly and
glancing triumphantly around.
ooh, yes, just so," drawled out the
intended victim, gazing intently ut his
legal tormentor "For instance.
should never take you for a horse"
Shelf you could have one wish,
George, what would it be?"
| He-"It would be that-that-t
oh, if only dared to tell you what
it would be-"
she-"Oh, please go on. Do tell
me-"
He-"I dare not; but, oh, If 1 only
could!"
She-"Wen, why don't you? What
do you suppose 1 brought the wishing
subject up for?"
Patience-"she says her face is her
fortune"
Patrice-"Well, I'm thankful I'm
not in her family."H
"Why?" ~
81 wouldn't like to come in for any
part of fortune like that"
He had called on Fifth Avenue
physician and reported that he was
knocked out generally" AS he took
the prescription he said:
''Well, Doctor, what do owe your"
1.-TWO dollars"
"I'm sorry 1 can't pay you today.
You won't mind waiting a while, will
you?"
"No; that's all right"
"And, Doctor, how much will this
prescription cost?"
"About one dollar"
"Say, Doc, you couldn't loan me a
dollar to get it with, could you? I'm
dead broke"
''Let me look ut that prescription
again." said the physician. He took
it and erased line.
81 had prescribed something fol
your nerve" he said, "but see you
don't need it,
"Vera," he began, "you must know
why l have come here so much; why 1
sit here in the parlor with you night
after night. and" 81 suppose, Mr..
Pinchpenny," Miss Vera Sharpe inter-
rupted, cts cheaper to do that than to
take me out anywhere"
81 want to know cried the irate
visitor, whether that item of yours
in regard to me is an intentional slur
or merely editorial asininity?" What
are you talking about, my dear sir, and
who are you, anyway" asked the ed
itor. Pm DR.. Killiam, and refer to
your announcement of the sudden ill
ness of the Hon. John Jones, in which
you say, Mr. Jones is in great danger.
DR.. Killiam has been called in"
"Supposing 1 decide to let you have
the money, how do know that shall
get it back at the time you mention?"
asked Steddigoe. Il promise it, my
boy, on the word of gentleman" re-
piled Bluffum. "Ah! in that case 1
may think better of it. Come round
this evening and bring him with you''
you wear a remarkably small hat,
SIR the salesman said. Its OK,
and that's the smallest size they make
for men," 81 know it," replied the Gus
toner, ''but you'll find 1 average all
right when you come to selling me
pair of shoes. I wear No. TO-"
Doctor" said man, who was no
torious for laziness in general, and
Slovenliness of person in particular;
doctor, have tried everything 1 can
think of for my rheumatism-all sorts
of remedies, regular and irregular,
change of diet, change of climate. and
all without the least avail" After sur
vcying his untidy linen for moment,
the doctor suggested, Suppose you try
Il change of Shirt
THAT advertisement of yours was a
fake" protested the Disguised guest.
How 500" demanded the proprietor Of
the Mountain Hotel. well, it said
trout are always to be caught here
and l haven't seen any one who's
caught single one" "WeM, then they
are still TO be caught aren't they?"
During the campaign of 1900 one day
the train bearing Roosevelt was halted
within hailing distance of that from
which William Jennings Bryan was
making ''rcar-p1atfomn" speeches.
Roosevelt recognized llis political OPP
ponerh and called: Hello, Bill!' Hell
TO- Teddy!' came the Democratic can>
didate's answer. Flows your voices"
"About rs strong as the Democratic
platform" shouted Roosevelt hoarse-
ly, "and yours?' ooh" wheezed Bryan,
mines about the condition of Repub-
iicnn promises And the trains passed
on
Nuhbs--He went into the EDITORS Of
flee like roaming lion and came out
like Il postage stamp. Bubbs-How
was that? Nullbs-Licked.
Madame" finally said the patient
little man in the corner seat of the