Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1901-01-31

me five times last night. Melicent-tn.
deed! What interrupted him?-Puck.
Cook--How'm | goin' to make mince
pie when we haven't any mince meat
in the house? Mrs. Feedem-Put some
sugar in that cold hash.-Baltimore
American.
lis the boss In" asked the stranger,
entering the drug store. NO." replied
the absent minded clerk. "but We have
something just as good. "-Yonkers
Statesman
Clerk Perhaps you'd like to look at
some goods n little more expensive than
these. Shopper-Not necessarily, but
would like to look at some Of better
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Press.
Identified at Last: Assistant Editor
I've found out at last who "Vox Pop
uli" is. Editor-Who? Assistant Ed
itor-"Constant Reader" under a nom
de plume.-Syracuse Herald
The Ditference-"Oh. well, you prude.
don't care for your kisses" "Sour
grapes" You needn't send me any
over the telephone. either" Sour cur
rents. "-Clevelnnd Plain Dealer.
Bill-Did you say that gun Of yours
would shoot 1000 yards? Jill-That's
what did. We'll it's marked to shoot
only 500 yards" Yes; but there are
two barrels. "--Yonkers Statesman.
TO the Manner Born: Jaggles-When
one is annoyed by conversation In q
theater 1t Is generally by the rich peO-
pie in tire boxes. Waggles-Another
proof that money talks.-Smart Set.
Passenger Ito station porter)-Now,
its i o'clock, and the time table says
the train arrives at 3:14. Station Por-
ter-Oh. well. you mustn't take the time
table too seriously.-t 'legende Batter.
Variety" said the man who never
thinks for himself. lis the spice Of
life" II envy you." said Miss Cayenne.
"You envy me what:" Your enjoy.
ment Of this climate"-W Washington
Star.
MIR. GoodbOy-Ah, little man! Want
to see the wheels go round? Waldo
Beanes-Thank you. sir; but I'm per-
fectly familiar with the mechanism Of
the modern onometer.-Harper's
Bazaar.
II have compelled my wife to cease
stunning on the piano." said Mr..
Goldsborough to Mr.. Bunting. How
did you manage it?" Il insisted upon
singing every time she began to play"
Judge.
Sympathetic Friend-Why haven't
you exhibited anything this yearY Art
ist-I refused all their offers-l simply
can't sell myself to anyone. Friend
Hum! Something like your pictures!-
journal Amusant.
Magistrate (severely)-How could you
be SO mean as to swindle people who
put confidence in you? Prisoner-Well.
yer honor I'll make 1t worth something
to We II you'll tell me now to work them
as don't.-Tit-Bits.
"What do you think Of the Christmas
magazines?" "Oh. l haven't paid any
attention to their literary merits.
What l object to is that so many Of
the advertisements are duplicated."-
cleveland ram OeQIer
Come. children" said Mr.. Widwer.
introducing the second Mrs. Widwer,
''come and kiss your new mamma"
"Gracions" exclaimed little Elsie, III
you took her for new they stuck you.
a."-Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. F0rrester-Seems to me that
you would set your cap for Mr.. Hall.
He is evidently an easy catch. Miss
Chorister-Easy catch is no name for
him. He has been an epidemic In our
set for ten years.-Denver News.
He-Just hear how the newsboys
holler! Isn't it enough to drive one
crazy? She-Why, Charles. are you
sure 1t Is newsboys? Really. 1t must
be college boys giving their college yell.
think 1t is just lovely.-Boston Tran.
script.
whats this!" exclaimed the Boer
general. in a tone Of annoyance. "More
prisoners Dear me! wish they
would show some consideration for the
fact that we are trying to conduct .
war instead Of running boarding
house. Washington Star
Madame, are you a woman suffra-
gist?" mo, sir; haven't time to be-"
Haven't time7 Well. II you had the
privilege of voting, whom would you
support?" "The same man have sup
ported for the last ten years-my hus-
band."-Modes and Fabrics.
Don't smoke!" exclaimed the friend,
NO" was the reply. II always quit
Just before Christmas. do 1t to oblige
my wife," But why do you select this
particular season. ut obliges her to
select something besides cigars for my
Christmas present" -Washington Star.
The beggar had approached the 60.
cial reformer. "Why don't you 60 to
work." asked the social reformer. II
never thought Of that" exclaimed tho
beggar. The next evening the social
refOrmer delivered lecture on "Sim.
pie Advice to the Poor" -Philadelphia
Record.
Diner Ito restaurant waiter)-What
have you got for dinner? Waiter