Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-11-11
HEALING Bl HUMBUG.
SOME INTERESTING CONFESSIONS
OF A MEDICAL MAN


Yes, l have had some strange pa
tients in my time, as, indeed, every
doctor of any experience must have
had, said medical man; and l have
performed some wonderful feats OF
curing by methods which would not be
recorded in the Lancet.
or course, among a doctors clients
are many whose ailments exist only in
their imagination, and not few of
them are positive cranks.
Only a month ago man called to
see me in state of great distress. He
assured me that he had got frog in
inside" He had swallowed it in con-
dition of infancy in glass of impure
water some months earlier. and it had
grown to an enormus size. He was
sure that it would be the death of him
If he could not get rid of it.
In vain l pointed out that tie frog
existed only in his own fancy; he
grew furious at the suggestion, and
said that l was as Incompetent and
ursympathetic as all the other doc
tors he had consulted.
At last, to get rid of the man,
said, Very well, you may be right
after all. At any rate. come here
again at this time tomorrow and we
will see what can be done"
He came at the appointed time, and
l told him that an operation would
be necessary, to which he gladly con-
sented. l made him lie down on a
couch, administered chloroform, and
when he recovered consciousness was
able to show him very large and
frisky frog as the result of the opera
ton. His delight was unbounded, and
he went away blessing me for saving
his life. OF course, he had no suspi-
cion that the frog had been specially
imported for his benefit
Another of my patients has to thank
me for his preserved eyesight-at least
he is kind enough to say. He informed
me that tin tack which he had been
hammering had sprung up and lodged
in his right eye, causing him infinite
pain-and certainly the mans eye
from constant rubbing, was in state
Ol great Inflammation.
l examined the eye carefully, but
could find no trace of any foreign sub
stance in it; and, as for the being a
tin tack buried in it." the idea was
preposterous. However, as / saw the
man was convinced the tack was there
and was making himself i'll with anx-
iety about it, l suggested small op-
Grafton. A few minutes preparation
was all that was necessary. Fortu-
nately one of my boys had a magnet,
which | discovered and attaching this
to battery l held it in proximity to
the mans eye.
Within a few seconds my efforts
were rewarueu, for | was able to show
my patient very vicious looking tin
tack (Which l had taken from the
drawing room carpet), and had the
satisfaction of sending aim away hap
py, to advertise my ''skilP' among his
friends
One good lady, who is a small and
constant annuity to me, VOWS that /
am the 'cleverest doctor in town."
and has sent me crowds of patients.
She is one of those people who are al
ways imagining they have some new
ailment; indeed, l think by this time
she must almost have exhausted all
the ills that flesh is heir to, and will
have to begin again.
OF course there is nothing whatev-
er the matter with her, except indo-
lence, which is he mother of all kinds
of disorders, real and fanciful. For
tunately for every ailment l am able
to provide a specific, which never fails
to cure her within few weeks. The
curious thing is, that with slight
variation in coloring and flavor, the
medicines are always the same, and
contain nothing more potent than a
little sugar, with tablespoonful OF
wine or spirit.
Some people would say that 1t is
wrong to deceive a patient in this
way; but cannot see it. Such women
are never happy unless they are "un-
der the doctors hands" and if one
man won't doctor them another will.
My medicines certainly do them good,
If only in Imagination, and in this
particular case do not cost my patient
a tenth part of the money she spends
on her pet dogs.
You did not know that it is possible
to turn mans head completely round
without killing the patient, did you?
Well, it is, for I've done it, and ought
to know.
About year ago man called to
ask me if | could do anything for
him. He told me that by some means,
which he could not explain, his head
had got twisted completely round so
that the back of his head was in front
ind his face behind This was a Sc
rious state of things, though | admit
the mans appearance seemed to me
quite normal. However, | was equal
even to this emergency, and invited
the man to call again at an appointed
time, prepared to undergo the opera
ton.
By an arrangement of mirrors the
man was only able to see the back
Of his head 70 which of oo,,rco