The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1901-08-28
Portman Letter.

essing occasion-watching the rain. For
ABOUT two weeks the rains has been
Watching us and refused to retire behind
its WINDOWS In the sky. The North and
West have been praying for rain and the
answer seeme to have arrived In Port.
man; we would, now that All f1i c!eao7 In,
satisfied our own desires, gladly parsel
up the gilt and redirect 1t to the suffering
States who are parched, their crops seem-
ingly useless.
A joke was pretended to be played upon
liz few days ago. Recently couple Of
friends from the North visited and are
now remaining will us. Desiring to
show Off some Of the best points of Port
man while the frieuds and ourselves are
hore, VIC took advantage of what seemed
cessation OF weather hostilities. and in
gay trepping5 Of feminine uniform and
brunhed up equipage. we rode beyond
the picket lines into the grounds of the
enemy, or where the clouds seemed to be
reserving force for a moro formidable
battalion than ourselves. The sun shone
upon US deligt!ully, and we were con-
graduating ourselves on dispensation
that should be acknowledged with
Thanksgiving; but the "hostilities" catch
Ing uB within their lines opened their
batteries and we were permitted to return
alive, but badly Iiddled. We were
drenched from face to toe, and our trap
pings, like the young Cassabianca, 80,
where were they?" Our horse appeared
to be Issuing fire and flame and steam
from his nostrils, and the indignant ex-
preston in his eyes said: Don't you
know any better than to 20 out day like
thie?"
Our friends said: "Yor brought rain
home with you. If you folk had staid
homo It would not have rained."
we thought they were prophets OF
evil, and to show them their evil machis
nations had no control upon the weather
we sailed out the next favorable day
with colors flying offering defiance to the
enemy. We returned demoralized as
previously, only more 40. The result
was our friends were mailing up packing
boxes and inditing letters to the Cover
nor Of Kansas, informing him that at
reasonable price-say $1,000, he paying
the freight-they would send him oou-
pie rain makers, guaranteed to drench
the fields of Kansas and remove the
stigma of "dry" from the country. We
have since remained at homo, not know.
Ing whether the dread inspired has been
fear of Portman rain or the Kansas Gov
ernor. Our feminine friend from the
North, and who never before saw red
soil, amuses herself from the window
specializing on the Yankee trick of bot
tling up the drains for ketchup. We are
reminded, OF course, Of the Yankee trick
OF grinding out wooden nutmegs and
selling them to the Canadians, and Of the
other trick cs :hs Yankee who protested
that he could play no Yankee trick, but
one thing he could do, he could draw
corn liquor from one end of The farmers
whiskey barrel and peach brandy from
the other, and to convince the farmer had
him bore hole In each head of the bar
rel, STOPPING down, placing finger at
each aperture to prevent his liquor
escaping, the Yankee friend filling his
jug from the ''peach" aide to test It. and
with the jug in his hand, running round
to his saddle bags for faucets, then gal
looping away, leaving the farmer crouch.
ed till noon time with finger at each
side OF the barrel to prevent the escape OF
his liquor.
However now, jokes aside, we are az.
sured that the Yankee farms are burned
to crisp. Our friends roy the corn hung
dead and pitiful on the stalk, the leaves
on the trees and the grass are brown, or
turning to dust with no semblauce of life
In any OF the burned vegetation. The
suns rays poured down grievously hot
for long days upon days, no rain nor ves-
tlge of moisture to cool the suffering
crops or make life worth living to man
or beast.
Weare delighted to present our friends
with the rain; but we are prevented from
another presentation which we promised
them and by which we inveigled them to
the Sunny South. We want our delight
full al q osphere, our cloudless sky, our
pleasant drives through fine oaks, vine
draped and numerous fragrant shrubs,
our rambles through resinous pines. We
have promised our friends ell these, and
on word of honor are bound to comply.
We have not mentioned a suspicion of
insects or reptiles, of flies, mosquitoes,
winged and unwinged bugs, beetles,
bees, yellow Jackets, chiggers, snakes.
These, like the rain, are to be discovered.
We have said nothing of the enormous
things that fly into the lamp light ct
night, that seems 80 large when they set
tie in our back hair, that bat or night
mare, clawed or winged creature resem-
bles them not, and we leave to the
naturalist the puzzle of their identity.
We have settled one point, at least, that
a katydid makes its obstinate assertion
about Katy by its mouth and not by saw
ing its edged legs upon Its wings. Wehave
seen a gentleman pinion one Of these
to tree, lift it out on the point
of pin upon which 1t revolved rapidly,
its wings extended from ita BODY and its