Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1901-06-26
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Ethel-You know, | want husband
who is easily pleased. Maud-Don't
worry, dear That's the kind you'll
get.-Tit-Bits.
News; whats your son been doing
In the Philippines" Fighting for his
country" "Wha;! Has he turned
Filipino r'-Life.
Teacher-How many commandments
are there? Small Boy-'Leyen, 'Elev-
en2 What is the eleventh." KEEP Off
the grass."-Boston Journal.
Ais Well That ends Well: Timid
Lady-Are people ever lost In this riv-
er? Boatman-No, ma'am; we always
find them in day or two.-Fun.
Their Fate: Mamma Bird-Dd l ever
tell you what becomes of bad little
birds when they die? Little Bird-Oh,
yes They're used In the millinery
bus1ness.-Puck.
The Law: prlsoner-Its difficult to
see how l can be forger, your lord
ship. Why can't sign my own name!
Judge-lou are not charged with sign
Ing your own name.-Tit- Bits.
''The Secretary Of Agriculture is GO
Ing to distribute trees" '"rhat's right;
flower Seeds trees-and after n while
hammocks, fountains and garden set
tees. Chicago Record Herald.
81 tell you your country Is painfully
new. Why, you haven't even any fairy
tales" Haven't, eh? Well, you just
come with me and look Mt the tablets
ON our best monuments. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Customer-Didn't you tell me this
horse was afraid of nothing? Dealer
That's Just what | said. "Why, he
SHES Mt his own shadow" "Well, n
shadow Is about as near nothing as
anything | know of."--New York
Weekly.
"What Is the marriage rate In these
parts?' asked the stranger who was
getting statistics. 1.-The marriage rate"
responded the native, proudly, 'is two
dollars for the license an n kiss from
the bride. The sheriff gets both, an
I'm the sheriff" Philadelphia Record.
The Mistress (entering the kitchen)-
Jane, didn't hear dish break min
ute ago? The Maid,-I hope you did,
mem; 1t made noise enough. If you
hadn't heard 1t l should have thought
you were getting deaf, and that, you
know, would be awful Boston Tran
script.
Rube-Yaas, 81 Is dead; went inter
town ter git tooth pulled; dentist fel-
Ter told him he'd better take gas fust
an Josh-Dentist gev him too much,
eh? Rube-Oh, no; after the dentist
feller told him that, he went back to
his hotel an took the gas hisself.z-Phil-
adelphia Press.
| Wildwood (papering room perspir-
ingly)--Penelope! Mrs. Wildwood Zap
prehensively)-What is 1t, Mortimer?
Midwood-Well, l guess the man who
made a geometrical rule that parallel
lines never meet, never tried to hang
wall paper with parallel stripes in it
Brooklyn Eagle.
Steelton-I think the latest incubator
haS lStIhSu SuNh IL hCiSnt VI CANCiiShSS
that Improvement would be impossible.
Clayton-I don't know about that. The
man who should invent an incubator
that would scratch up worms for the
little chicks would make a fortune
Philadelphia Record.
Two workmen were standing before
q large advertisement of hair re-
storer and discussing Its optimistic
promises. "Dyou think it's true?" said
one. "Truew replied the other. "D'you
think If 1t was true that the haristoc-
racy wouldn't ave 'eads of air like
'edge'ogs ?"-London Globe.
Breaking 1t Gently: Clergyman (af-
ter being rescued from the shipwrecD
Mr.. Smith, did l really appear scared
when we thought all would be lost?
Mr.. Smith, can't say that you We're
scared, but for a man who has been
trying to get to heaven all these years
you appeared most reluctant to accept
the opportunity
Noah's Good Heart: "What did that
seedy looking fellow on the dock want
of you, father?" inquired Noalfs
youngest hopeful of the ancient mari
iner "He wanted to come aboard
with U.S." And what did you tell himT'
81 told him 1t was impossible but
l thought l saw you hand him some
thing" "Well, yes; felt so sorry for
him that l loaned him my best UNI
brella. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
~ say, Scrbbler" said Sappy, "how
on arth do you think up all these chaw-
acters that you wife aboutY "Oh, |
take them from real life" replied
Scribbler, "but they never suspect.
Take, for instance, the character of
woody Britten,' who is always say
ing 'dooced' this and dooced that.
Now, that's a fellow know very well,
but he doesn't know Pm using HIM"
"Oh, come now, | say. How dooced
clevah of you. Dooced stupid of him,
thought Catholic Standard and
T1mes