The Florence tribune., 1901-09-07
Mr. oo0Isy Discusses Party Prospects.
lsY E. P. pussE.l

We wud," said Mfr. Dooley, if we cud but get an illegible candydate."
 "What's that?" asked Mir. Henuessy. ''An illegible candydate,p said Mir. Dooley, lis candydate that can't be read out iv tn party. Iris a joke I med up. Me frind William J. Bryan reads tn Commoner to thim an they pack up their bags mn layc. They'se as nanny Dimmycrats out iv th' party as they are in, waitin' on tn durestep to read thimsilves back an tn other la-ads out. Tn louGest r-reader wins.
 No, sir, tn Dimmycratic party ain't on spea kin terms with itsilf. Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into sthreet ear and set in opposite corners while wau mutthers, 'Thraiter,' an th' other misses 'Miscreent,' ye can bet they're two pimmycratic leaders thryin' to reuniLe tn gran ol' party. Iris on'y th' part iv tn party that can't Tread that's thrue to tn prin- cipals iv Jefferson an Jackson.
 "Me frind willum J. is not candy date. He's illegible as an editor but not as U candydate. Annyhow, he don't want it or at taste he don't want to want it an not get it. All he asks is some good man, some thried an thrusty Dimmycrat that cud lead tn party on to gloryous victhry. But he can't find him. Ye say Hill? We'll, me frind Wi!lum J. was asst to ask me frind David Binnitt to go cut fir to make a speech at Dimmycratic bankit on tn thraditions iv tn Dimmycratic party. worst. 'Gintlemen.' says Willum Jen- nings, 1 admire David Binnitt Hill. No wan, he says, IS second to me in affection fir that gr-great an good man, he says. 1 shall niver fail in me devotion to him till, he says, tn place heals up where he sunk tn ax into me in ninety-six. But he says, I cannot ask him to speak at ye'er bankit. cannot bear to hear him talk. Ivry time he opens his mouth want to put me fut into it, be says. Moreover he says, if ye ask him I'll take me meals at home, he says, fir tn sight of that gallant Dimmycrat turns me fir m food, , he says. So that ends Hill. We can't go with amy wan that our sainted leader can't ate an egg with without sin.
 "Well, thin, who've we got? They'se me frind Bill Whitney. He won't do because tn bookmakers niver get up on iliction day in time to vote. A thou san to wan again Whitney, his oppo- nent to carry tn aajiotoroom on his back. They tae friad Charlie Toype, th' unsalted orator iv tn zenith city" l "Thraitor," said Mir. Hennessy.
 He has got some money" said Mir. Dooley reflectively. 1T see in th' pa. pers he says they'se now enough to go ar-round-enough fir him to go ar round, Hininsey. He's thraitor. I wisht cud afford to be wan. We'll, what Eye say to German? They'se a fine, sthraig htforwsrd, honest, clane, incorruptible man. Ye put nim alone iu room with tn rayturns an ye can go out an gather bar'ls fir tn bone fire. Ye won't have him, eh? Oh, he knifed th' ticket, did he? Secretly Oh, my, oh, my! Tn villain. Down goes German. Well, let me see, let me see who've we go? I cud think iv a good mauny that cud captain Il ball team, but whin l come to silictin' a candydate fir prisidint ivery man think iv is ayther a thr&itor or wan that tn thraitors wudden't vote fir. If we don't get th' tnraitor vote we've lost. They'se me frind Sinilor Jim Jones. A good man. He won't do, ys say? Nigger country. Oh, aye. We can't take a caodydate firm tn same part iv tn country that tn votes come firm. Ys're right. There's Alt geld? Prooshen? Tnrue. Aggyna!-i Iv coorss not. Schley? He may bs doin' time fir disorderly conduct an assault with a deadly weepin' be thai time. Charter Huitcn? What wud g man that's been mayor iv Chicago dt with an infeeryor job like tn prisi dincy? Top Johnson? A sthreet cal platform ain't broad enough f'r.sth party. Docgery? It sounds too mucf like tn endin' iv comic song An firm Missoury, too. Fuller? Another thraitor, an swhat's worse, judge We'll, there's Cleye--. Hol' on, there don't ye throw it. Put down tha chair, I tell ye.
 "Ye're hard to suit, Hinnissy. I'v, named thim all over an taken me life in ne hand with half iv thin, an lost me reputation fir common sinss be mintionin' tn others. Wbin I leat man through wan dure ye read hin out iv another an throw th' bool afther him. Pm thryin' to find maI fir ye to uphold tn banner so that y, can march shouldher to shouldher an heart to heart, to mimrable victhry an ivry time I intuition tn name is ye're fellow Dimmyerats ye make