Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1901-11-09
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IN marrying for money! Crabshaw--
Your love lasts longer.
Jinks-IIow much do you think
minister ought to get for marrying .
couple? Filkins-Well, IL wholly unac.
qualnted with them perhaps he might
be let of with six months.
She-Iow beautifully Miss Heavy.
weight dances. She doesn't seem to
touch the floor somctimcs. He (whose
feet are still suffering from the last
polka with her)-She 'doesn't!-Punch.
Rodef4ck--The advertisement said It
was a great stopping place for the les.
ure class. Van Albert-Was 1t SO? Rod.
erick--Yes; II dozen tramps stopped ut
che kitchen every morning.-Chicago
Aews.
"Sir, I have come to ask you for your
daughters hand" "All right. my boy.
1 think you'll find It in the dishwater."
Then the young man left. smiling.
knowing that IL such was the case he
had won prlze.-Commoner.
Floorwalker - Good-morning. You
wish to do some shopping. I presume?
Bride with hubby)-Y.e.s. Floorwalker
boy there will give you Il check for
your husband.-Ncw York Weekly.
A Freezer for Mrs Neville: Mrs.
Newife-l acknowledge that | have my
faults. and am sometimes cross, Jack,
dear, but if had the last two years Of
my life to live over again should mar.
ry you just the same. Mr.. Newife-I
doubt it.--Tit-Bits.
81 suffer dreadfully from insomnia,
doctor" said the patient. Indeed" re.
that" And he did. for this particular
physician was able TO procure for his
patient a situation as nightwatchman.
-Pittsburg Chronicle. Telegraph. =
Suburbanite--"Why, sir; we have ev.
erything right here In Lonesomehurst
that heart could desire or fancy die.
tate" New-Yorker-"And still you
come to New York twice a week.
Suburbanite-"well. yes; but only to
buy luxuries and necessities"
Mrs. F'rilis-Now that have engaged
you. Bridget. am going to begin right
away to give you little training In the
art OF waiting on guests. You see, my
daughter Is coming out next month
Bridget-lndade. mum! An how long
was she stint up for?-Rlchmond Dis.
patch.
"You pugilists don't seem to have
nearly 80 much to say as formerly"
NO" answered the eminent represen.
tative Of the prize ring; ito tell the
truth. we got so Interested In listening
to these naval gentlemen that we kind
Of forgot our own affairs. "-Washing.
ton Star.
Miss Breezy-Yes. I'm engaged tc
George. II was pretty hard to decide
because l liked Tom quite as well as
George. and they're equally wealthy
Miss Wabash-What finally decided
you? Miss Breezy-George promised
me the most alimony In case Of d.
vorce.-Philadelphia Press.
Imet HarRus In the street yesterday
morning. and he clicked his cigar ashes
In my face. I'm writing to him now to
toll him what l think about It," "Why
didn't you tell him what you thought
about II then" Because l never can
express myself with any satisfaction
neutrality-suspicious. Tribune.
A Grievous Onense: Magistrate-The
charge IL interfering with an officer.
Roundsman McCarty. you will please
state exactly what the defendant did
Roundsman McCarty-Oi wor passing
his fruit shtand, yer amer. an d
shwOiped a banana. when tn dagG
trold t TEX 1t from me. yer anner.-Les
lies Weekly.
Sunday School Teacher-Faith. chill
dren. Is believing In the existence OF
something we cans see. For example
when you buy bananas. You know that
there Is a delicious fruit inside the
tough skin. DO you understand? Chill
dren-Yes. ma'am. Sunday School
Teacher-Well. what Is faith? Chill
dren-Bananas.
Ready for the Rush: They had been
drifting about In the open boat seven
days, and all were near unto death,
when the half.famlshcd sailor In the
bow leaped up and cried: "a sail! A
sail" "What, bargain sale?9 shrek.
ed the half-dead woman passenger. al
she begun fumbling for her purse
Baltimore World.
His One Literary Success: Miss Kul'
cher-Did you ever go In for literature,
Mr.. Gay? Mr.. Acknowledgement ex'
actly, but once when was at college
! wrote u short story and got one hun
dred dollars for It, Miss Kulcher-
Really? What was It? Mr.. Gay-Deal
Father, I'm broke. Please send me q
hundred. Philadelphia Press.
The professional liar braced himself
when he felt the thrill Of bite along
his fishing pole. When the cork went
under he gave deft Jerk and landed q
minnow about five inches long
"Shucks" he muttered with chagrin
as he took 1t Off the hook; II wish that
'un had got away; It would have been
20 much bigger State Journal
Pat-I say, Mike. l have a three-pen-
ny piece with hole In 1t which | can.
not get rid Of at all-at all. What shall
l do with 1t, begorra? Mike-Sure, Pat.
you must do the same us ! did Oncst--
an excellent plan was mine. "And
phwat was 1t, at all, Mike" "Oh, It
was fine, Pat, ! tell you. That three.