The Western news., 1901-11-13

Has she thrown you overY "N0s
that's just what she refuses to do"
Maud-Pd hate to think that you'd
throw yourself at Fred. Mamie-Why
not? He's good catch.-Harlem Life.
Penelope-Fll just ruin my complex
ion going in bathing SO much. Perdita
Il wouldn't care. No one will notice
it."
Soak-Do you always pay as you got
Freshby-Always. Soak-Why? Fresh
ly-Because they won't let me go with
out.
She-They say his business is great
success. He-Yes; the firm paid him
away from it.
Engaging Frankness. Millie-She
told him everything Tillie-What
candor! Millie-And what memory!
-Pick-Me-Up.
did Mrs. Highlife's travelling gown
fit well?" "Yes; but 1t cost so much
she had to give up her trip and stay at
home.'-Tit-Bits.
Robson-Do you think fishes can
hear? Dobson-I should hope not. Lis
ten to old Smith--he's smashed his rodl
New York Tribune.
"a missing Michigan girl is thought
to be the victim of love or sonnambu-
lism." well, in either case she'll wake
up."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Edtor-Tim, If young Mr.. Jackson
calls this morning, tell him I'll see him
at 2 o'clock. Tim-Yis, sorr; and what
shall tell him If he don't call?
Never Too Late.-"fm eighty years
and never smoked in my life" well,
don't get discouraged; you probably
will afterward." d."-Indianapolis News.
First Lawyer-I just concluded very
successful case. Second Lawyer-Your
client won, eh? First Lawyer-Oh, no;
but got my fees.-Ohio State Journal
Mrs. Graball-Ther boarders air kick
in bout ther milk bein' so blue. Far
mer Graball-Tell 'em ther caow won't
eat nuthin' 'cept blue grass.-Leslie's
Weekly.
Bobbs-There goes a fellow who
makes eXtravagant statements. Dobbs
He looks respectable. Who is he.
Bobbs-I don't know his name. He
writes our gas bills.
Manager am sorry that you wish to
resign. What is the trouble? Star
1t is too much of strain on me to try
to live up to the salary your press agent
says l get.-Baltimore Herald.
aNou, po,+lo,,o, 60 III ,bo nrofos,or
"name some Of the beauties of educa.
ton" And facetious student in the
back row shouted: Pretty school
achers"-Philadelphi Record.
Admiring Mother-Now, Tommy.
what do you say to Mr.. Bildad for CIV
ing you that penny? Tommy-Please.
Mr.. Bildad. l wisht it wuz a Nickel
Ohio State Journal.
My wife makes me stand round-I
can't deny that" Doesn't it humiliate
you?" mo; our baby is the living image
Of me-and he makes her stand round"
Chicago Record Herald.
''Does Mrs. Smith consider hunting
as wicked a pursuit as she used tor"
well, no. You see her husband gives
her all the feathers from the birds he
brings home, and she is making a set
of down pillows"
''Snicker's jokes are very thin" COM
plainel Dinsmore. perhaps he makes
them that way for your special bene-
tit," suggested Winterbottom. "How's
that:" ITO enable you to see through
rhem."-Ohio State Journal.
Strawber-Clubberly rather gave him.
self away when he went to church with
Miss Summit the other day. Singerly-
What did he do? wber-He want
ed the usher to check his hat and coat,
Mabel-What made you accept Algy7
Clara-Algy.
How many commandments did the
Lord give to Moses?" inquired mamma
of little 6-year-old Willie. upon his re-
turn from Sunday school, He could
not remember. SO to prompt him she
held up her ten fingers. "Oh. l know
now," he said, triumphantly. 1.-Two
hands full.
How does 1t happen" inquired the
stranger. that all the improvements
are being made in this one street?"
ut doesn't happen at all, SIR" replied
the citizen who was showing him about
the place majestically. This is the
street live in. l am chairman of the
Town Council SIR"
Tess-There goes Ursula Hope with
Jack Timmid. Jess-Yes, she's setting
her cap for him. Tess-Do you really
think she cares for him? Jess-Yes,
indeed. You know her full name Ia
URSULA May Hope. Well. she signs
all her letters to him now: ~. May
e."-Philadelphia Press.
Mother-I wish you would go on an
errand for me. Small Son--My leg
aches awful. Mother-Too bad.
wanted you to go to old Mrs. Siiefney's
sweetshop. and Small Som that
isn't far. | can walk there easy. Moth.