The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1901-01-19
HITMOR or THE DAY.

HUMOR or THE DAY.
Mrs statetreeth-Did she marry her
Mrs Stockyarde-Oh, my, yesl Her
charging down Broadway
New Yorker Q5usily)-Start a police
man to shooting a dog.-New York
Weekly.
folks do if a. mob of rioters should come
Josher-They say that Mrs New
rocks simply won't be snuboed;
anybody in society unless they had had
ancestors just like her.-Life-
Aunt Geehaw of Hay Corner, at ItaI-
ian restaurant, awed-Ain't this grand,
JoshuWay?
Uncle Geehaw (impressively)-Ye
just think of bein' a Vanderbilt an hav-
in a so cent dinner with wine like this
every dayi-Puck.
There is nothing a woman more en-
joys" said the Cornfed philosopher,
than monkeying at making something
out of something it ought not to be
made out Of indianapolis Press.
ssr1o doubt you think me heartless,'
Said flirty Miss Devine-
ssOh, NOT" said he, how could I,
Since you have stolen mine"
Philadelphia Record
Customer want to get ton of coal.
Dealer-What size2
Customer-The legal 2,240 pound size,
if you Philadelphia Press
BilI-Did you say that gun OF yours
would shoot 1000 yards2
Jill-That's what L did
Wen. it's marked to shoot only 500
yards
yes. but there are two barrels
Yonkers Statesman.
what do you think OF the idea Of
broadening the present course OF sehool
studies2' asked the facetious friend OF
the family.
Il don't care how broad they make
EN- answered Tommy, SOS they don't
lengthen en.'-Indianapolis Press
Angela Ito whom Edgar has been pro-
posing)-TeH me. Edgar. did you ever
say anything like this to any woman
before2''
Edgar Gin a burst of honesty)-AIy
dear girl, do you think that it could be
Bazaar.
little man? You seem to be in great
pain.
Little boy (groaning dismaIlyll-No I
amt, but dey seems ter be a grSat pain
in me.-Philadelphia Press.
Mistress (severely)-If such thing
occurs again, Norah, I shall have to get
another servant
easily enough work for two Of us.-Tit-
Bits.
ssIs the boss imp asked the stranger,
entering the drug store.
No replied the absent-1ninded
clerk, "but we have something just as
good. ''-Yonkers Statesman
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES got new baby
at your house, I hear?
Townite-Great Scott! Can you hear
it away out there in the suburbs7-
Detroit Free Press.
"Did you do nothing to resuscitate
the body?" was recently asked OF a wit
ness at a coroner's inquest.
Yes, sir, we searched the pockets,
was the reply.-Saered Heart Review.
rs the correspondent of that publ
cation a well-informed MANI"
It should say sor' was the answer
Half the time he's the only person in
the world who knows whether what he
tells is true or not. washington Star
srWhat's become of that boy who had
such talent for machinery ?''
He was arrested the other day for
running divorce mill. ''-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
There was a sweet baby who lived in a
Who had a toy doggie. and also a cat;
He took them last night to his wee
trundle-bed-
Now doggies no tail and pussy no head.
New York Herald.
'Tis said "OId Sanity at the pole
Is domiciled no more
His reindeer now begin their stroll
From a department store
Washington Star.
I'm glad I'm not like man. remarks
The oyster, with a snicker-
IT simply can't get in a broi1,
Philadelphia Press.
Young Fissick's got a single out
Proclaimdng him NJ D
But from A. NJ to late P. M.
Philadelphia Press.
The red white and blue for the Fourth
But u when I eiS the summer has speeded.
Then paterfamilias finds with sigh
For Christmas the long green is
Puck.
From his success in giving the little
folks what they want, we must infer
that Santa Claus is one Of the best
mind-readers in the business.-Puck.
..Babbert is an awful poor judge of
yes; he inherits it. He comes from
a long line of druggists Life
81 saw one Of these new moving stair
ways in New York last week.
That isn't so much. I saw a rolling
prairie in Kansas last year '-Denver
News
..Boss.'' said an old negro. looking IN
through the postoffice stamp window yes
terday, how much does hit tex ter SEN