The Montgomery advertiser., 1901-12-01
Short Stories
 from
 Real Life.

ing their be eS or cnltoH
 Hey. friend O mine" yelled one of the planters, as his wagon went alongside that of his neighbor. whats that ye hev hitched to yer waggin" Hits eE. mountain goat, the other re- to.tsd. pulling up his nag at the prospect l of n trade which he caught from the tone | of his friends voice. but low he Kin | outptiIl airy one O thsm tarripins you're hikin' along thar!
 Flaw. haw." yelled the man accused of | hiking terliIins. that animile O yourn | looks like ham sandwich. You don't think them things O yourn | look like photygrafts Q Nancy Hanks | dyer" was the hot come back. Holy smoke they couldn't beat CT rock-crusher | in a race''
 Yours minds me ov CT dead log" Yours makes me think ov CT pair O red tombstones." Kin yourn run rabbits?" "Whur dye git ther brickbats to feed yourn?
 Why don't ye put spectickles on that blind thing?"
 'Wuz that hobby-ho vaccinated in ther leg with CT rea'p-hook or run over | by CT train?
 Who chopped thet saw-hoss in ther back with CT pick-ax?'
 How'll ye swap thet karkiss fer this | prize winner O mine!
 "Ill do it fer s4OO ter boot | Give ye ten.'
 Make h't 'leven.' | He's yourn. l And with that both dismounted from | their wagons. exchanged horses and | drove their way. each laying the whip | on his newly acquired steed as if he yer ilx, believed every word he had said of | 1t before the trade was consummated.
 The storm doors of a downtown bar ] flew open last night and tired looking 1 individual lurched into the place head long as if some one from the outside | had thrown him in. He brought up with a sudden halt just as several men about the bar thought he would smash his face against the wall. Right before him as he balanced himself on heel and toe there hung T Autograph of a lady circus rider in pink tights.
 Look out there, you'll run over that | lady"
 The wavering figure before the litho- graph paid no heed to the warning. He had already discovered. apparently, that l he was in the presence Of superior person. for he had doffed his battered hat and made profound bow to the lady in the picture.
 After which he went into trance from gazing steadfastly at the fair face before him. The lady was represented as try ing to tie A refractory slipper string, the discomfortX of which task evidently ap- pealed to the Chesterfeldian instincts of | the inebriated gentleman before her He ] come out of his trance, laid his hat on a 1 near by chair and proceeded to ask the lady in pantomime if he might be or any assistance.
 Hi. therS."s yelled the bartender while the other men in front of the bar counter were gazing in astonishment at the inc briated individual. Hi there; the Iaoy says you'er drunk"
 No sound came from the swaying figure. The individual pirouetted about in front of the circus poster striving to maintain his equilibrium.
 "In lay you ten dollars he goes to the floor in five minutes by your watch said a man of sportive proclivities-
 As usual you're looking for good things" replied his friend.
 A ragged scpecimen of humanity who sat by the heated stove gazed at the in- eb lated stranger with evident envy.
 He's certainly got good one, he | murmured, turning his eyes longingly to- ward the whiskey bottles behind the counter.
 At this moment the figure of the stran- ger staggered against the wall and came 1 near faillnH.
 "Ten dollars even that he goes to the floor in d minute cried the sportive man
 You want to bet" sneered the bar tender "I'll bet you five he hasn't had q drink"
 "Oh, no, he hasn't had -"
 The sport did not finish the sentence
 Take that bet friend; take that bet came from the apparently inebriateC stranger, as he strengthened up and witt
 trAa ntnd joined the little gathering at the counter
 You'd lose, Bill,' he said. I've ha6 just one drink, but I'm not drunk yet Not much. Men who get drunk mus have brains. l have no brains. There Is nothing there to addle.'' he declared seriously, tapping his forehead,
 The sport and his friend were dumb founded.
 You give the hest imitation I evel saw. " declared the sport. If you coult do that on the stage you'd make : fortune. The drinks are on me.
 I'll take some water with whskey ol the side" said the stranger.
 1t is not very often that incidents bor dcring on the humorous are connected with railroad wreck, but down at tho Union station several hearty laughs hav' been had at the expense of popular master of trains. The laughs grew ou of an incident at the wreck on the At lantic and Florida, the other day. .:
 Everything was in the most chaotic condition. cars in the ditch. engines wrecked, etc. One of the wrecked ears had burst open and a number of bar rels of roein had been strewn all oveI the right of way.
 It was dark and cold and the brilliant idea entered somebody's head to start ; fire out of the rosin. It was done anC pretty soon the woods were all aGloN with roaring blaze.
 As soon as he saw it the master oi trains rushed down with the remark thai if he knew who did such a fool thins that person would have to go-somewher' else.
 Very quietly Conecuh County farmer stepped out of tho crowd with the re mark:
 "I did it. what's the natter" The man was about feet high nor, or less and as big in proportion. After eyeing him a moment the master of trains said:
 "oh, thought it was one of the negroes"
 It was thought this closed the inciden but it didn't. and the laugh came 1T here. One of the wrecking crew punched another who was ticklish and with the pnch these words hurled themselves out on the night air:
 Had to take it all back, didn't you?"