Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1901-09-01
MR.. DOOLEY DISCUSSES
PARTY PROSPECTS.
BY r. y. DUNE.

Dooley, rs candydate that can't be
read out iv tn party ris a joke |
med up. Me frind Willum J. Bryan
reads tn Commoner to thin an they
pack up their bags an lave. They'se
as NANNY dimmycrats out iv tn party
as they are in, walrin' on tn durestep
to read tnimsives back an tn other
la-ads aut. TIL loudest r-reader wins
No sir, tn dimmycratic party amt
on speakin terms with itsilf. Whin
We see two men with white neckties go
into sthreet car an set in opposite
corners while wan mutthers Thraiter,
an tn other Kisses 'Miscreent.' we can
bet they're two dimmycratic leaders
thryin' to re-unite tn gran oil party.
lis on'y tn part iv' tn party that
cant r-read that's thrue to tn princi-
pies iv Jefferson an Jackson.
Me frind Willum J. is not a candy
date. He's illegibe as an editor but
not as candydate. Anyhow he don't
want it or at Taste he don want to
want it an not get it. all he asks is
some good man, some thried an thrus-
ty dimmycrat that can lead tn party
on to gloryous victhry. But he can't
find him. Ye say Hill? Well, me
frind Willum J. was asst to ask me
frind David Binnitt to go out FIR to
make speech at dimmycratic bankit
on tn TRADITIONS iv tn dlmmycratic
party, Hill bein' wan iv thin an wan
iv tn worst. 'Gintlemeh. says Willum
Jennings. I admire David Binnitt Hill.
No wan he says, is second to me in
affection fr that great an good man,
he says. 1 snail niver fail in me devo-
ton to him TILL he says. TIL place
heals up where he sunk tn axe into
me in ninety-six But. he says, i cam
not ask him to speak at ye'er bankit.
| cannot bear to hear him talk. Iviry
time he opens his mouth ! want to put
me fut into it he says. Moreover he
says, if we ask him I'll take me meal
at home. he says, FIR tn s-oht of that
gallant dimmycrat turns me firm food
he says. So that ends Hill. We can't
go with amy wan that our sainted
leader can't ate an egg with without
sin.
We'll, thin, who've we got? They'se
me frind Bill Whitney. He won't do
because tn bookmakers niver get up on
iliction day in time to vote. A thou
nent to carry tn andjiotoroom on his
back. They'se me frinu Charlie 1owne
tn unsalted orator iv tn zenith city
"Thraitor," said Mr.. Dooley.
HE has got some money said Doc
ley refectively. Il see in tn paapers
he says they'se now enough to go
r-round-enough FIR him to go
ar-round, ninnissy. He's thraitor.
wisht | cud afford to be wan. Well,
what dye say to German? They'se a
fine, straightforward, honest, clane,
incorruptible man. Ye put him alone
in room with tn rayturns an we can
go out an gather bar'ls FIR tn bonefire.
Ye won't have him. Ell? Oh, he knit
ed tn ticket, did he? Secretly? Oh
my oh my, III villain. Down goes
German Well let me see, let me see;
who've we got? | cud think Nv good
NANNY that cud captain a ball team,
but whin come to silictin' candy
date fr prisidint iviry man | think iv
is ayther thraltor or wan that tn
thraitors wudden't vote FIR. If we
don't get tn thraitor vote we're lost.
They'se me frind Sinitor Jim Jones. A
good man He won't do, ye say? Mig
ger country. Oh, aye. We can't take
a candydate firm tn same part iv tn
country that tn votes come fr M.
Ye're fright. There's Altgeld?
Prooshen? Thrue. Aggynal--? "
coorse not. Schley? He may be dom
time FIR disorderly conduct an assault
with a deadly weepin be that time.
Charter Hatch? What wud man
that been mayor iv Chicago do with
an infeeryor job like tn PRESIDENCY?
Tom Johnson? A sthreet car platform
amt broad enough FIR al party.
Dockery? Ii sounds too much like In
endin' iV a comic song. An firm Mis-
soury too. Fuller? Another thraitor
an what's worse, Judge. Well, there s
CIeve-. Hol on there. don't We throw
it. Put down that chair, tell We.
"Ye,re hard 10 suit Hinnissy. I've
named thin all over an taken me life
! in me hand with half iv thin an lost
me reputation fr common sinse be min
| tionin' tn others. When / lead a man
| in through wa dure We read him ont iv
! another. an throw tn book afther him.
I'm thryin' to find man f'r We to up
hold ia banner so that ye can march
shoulder to shoulder an heart 10
| heart. to mtnrable victhry. an livery
! Jime mention tn name " wan iy ye'er
fellow dimmycrats ye make face What
ar-re ye going to do? Ye might thry
advertiser in tn pa-apers. Wanted
A good active, Energetic dimmycrat,
sthrong iy lung an limb; must be in
favor iy sound money. but not too
sound, an anti-impeeryalist but FIR
holdin onto what we've got an inimy
iy thrusts, but frind iv organized cap
ital. a sympathizer with tn crushed an
dOwuthrodden people. but not by any
means hostile TO vested inthrests; must
advocate sthrikes. COVER mint be in
junction, free silver, sound money
| greenbacks. a single tax. a tariff f'r riv-
moo, tn CONSTRUCTION to follow tn flag
as far as il can an no father. civil SER
vice rayform iy tn la-ads In Office an
| all III gr-reat an gloryous principles iy
our gr-reat an gloryous party or amy