Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1901-01-18
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Bill-Wot did AIRY get for pickin' up
the loidy's purse when she dropped it?
Jim-Six months.-Tit-Bits.
Returns "Does he get any returns
from his poetry?" "All he does get."-
Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
81 don't like to have my friends get
married in. the fall" "Why not?"
"I've got all can do to buy my winter
suit Atlanta Constitution.
"Yes, he boasts that he has lived
nearly seventy years without ever hav-
ing been inside bank" "What is he
bank directorY rY-Chicago Times-Her-
aid.
1 A Reflection: Mrs. Johnson-What l
said to Mrs. Simpkins was dat didn't
b'leeb yo' husband ebbah robbed a hen
roos' in his life. Mrs. Black-Yo' done
nerve?-Puck.
81 can't imagine why Stutterton mar
ried Miss Strongmind." Nor l. How
ever, she's curing him of the suffering
habit" "You don't say SOP" Eyes; she
doesn't give him chance to talk at all
now" Cassclvs.
A Quick Answer: "Paw, what is
stage fright?" asked the boy, opening
his bag of popcorn. "Stage fright?" re-
peated his father, pointing to veteran
of the chorus; why there is one."-
Philadelphia Record.
In Memoriam: II presume you car
ry memento of some kind in that lock-
ct of yours" Precisely; 1t is lock
of my husbands hair" But your hus-
band is still alive" "Yes; but his hair
Is all e."-Tit-Bits.
"What in the world is the matter
with the managing editor" Hes
worried because he isn't quite sure
that he ought to cut down football
space to make room for politics, or vice
versa" Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A False Idea: Manager-I would like
to have you make dramatic version OF
this popular novel. Playwright (weari-
ly)-But that will necessitate my read
ing it. Manager-Not at all We don't
want you to spoil the play.-Bazar.
AS Usual Assistant-Here are more
dispatches about that battle In the
East. Editor-What do they say? AS
sistant-It appears that both sides were
greatly outnumbered, but each defeated
the enemy with severe loss.-Harlem
Life.
"Do you see that very ordinary-look-
ing man over there? Yes; what of
itY Hes a man with a history" "A
man with history What has he ever
done?" Nothing at all. He's selling
the history by subscription. ."-Chicago
Post.
Lady-Some weeks ago | bought a
plaster here to help me get rid OF
rheumatism. Druggist-Well, ma'am
, | hope it did its work. Lady-Yes, bu
now | want something else to help mt
to get rid of the plaster.-Bostor
Beacon.
m)-What time is it, dear? Husband
one o'clock, think (Clock strikes
three.) Wife-Why, it just struck 3
sir. Observation-Disclosures, my dear
that clock must stutter.-Fliegend'
9 Blaetter.
Allow did your automobile journe,
turn out? B.-Beautifully! Although
| ran over two pedestrians and thre
bicycles and knocked two wagons int
a ditch, my motor was not at all injured
Q and | arrived just on time.-Fliegend
. Blaetter
Jack Huggard-Miss Pechy's fathe
made surprising statement to me las
night. Dick Danser-That so? Wha
o was it? Jack Huggard-He sneake
's into the parlor and cried: AHA! That
IS the time | caught you kissing m
daughter. ."-Philadelphia Press.
House Owner@You didn't pay til
rent last month. Tenant-No? Wei
- suppose you'll hold me to your agre-
:, ment. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES agre
ment? Tenant-Why, when l rente
you said must pay in advance or M
at all.-Columbus (Ohio) State Journa
n. A Young Wifes Sorrow: Isabel
Al writes me that life with her Hung
ar rian count is just killing her" "Y,
don't say! Has he already ceased
love herY mo; but he talks in
sleep in his native language and 81
es can't understand word he says."-I
dianapolis Press.
Wife (who has been struck by
cycle)-Never mind, dear. Don't ma
ry scene of 1t. Husband-What!
OF you think I'll let him so without 81
OF ing what l think? Wife-But I'm II