Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1901-08-08

fer dog kin jump ontil yer
ties a tin can ter his tail y
said Uncle Bill as he sat down
in his favorite chair in the editors Of
! fee, with a just-arrived look on his
face.
Where have you been for the past
few days?" asked the editor.
"Out on the hustle an don't yer fer
git it," said Uncle Bill. Il made UP my
mind I'd know what travelin' mans
life was, as Id always heerd they had a
snap, eatin' at good hotels an ridin' on
I the painted cars. So | bought few
counties NV a patent-right gate, an
dressed up in my standin' collar an
frock coat what | bought purpose ter
keep company with my stove pipe hat
an -"
"Haye you got a silk hat. Uncle Bill?
| never have seen You in full dress, 1t
appears" cautiously remarked the edi-
tor.
Say, I've got high hat an paid a
durn high price fer 1t. | bought 1t in
York state, more'n forty year ago, but
I'm ready ter confess now, fer the first
time, that it's durn nuisance" said
Uncle Bill, who evidently was anxious
TO relieve his mind of some new burden.
why so" said the editor You
ought to look well in a high hat"
''Oh, look well enough in it,, said
Uncle Bill, but I've got ter take it ter
town an have ii slicked up bit. Yer
see when | started out as a trayeln'
man with it last week | loked purity
dumb slick, an | guess the boys on the
road thought | was a preacher or a
lightning rod man or sum durn bunco
Teller. mebby cause they all sort Nv
SHE'D off leetle when I'd cum inter the
hotels; but settled one point with 'em
the first day | was out"
in what way did you settle a
point?' asked the editor
ooh, | got ter cussin round a leetle
an they knowed then | was no preach
er"
What caused your profanity, Uncle
Biil?"
WAL, twas jest like this, struck
one Nv them ere hotels where they
didn't have enough ter eat fer the
boarders an the flies too, so they had
bought sum NV this Stick 'em tight fly
paper, ter feed the flies on an sum
durn galoot set my hat dow on the fly
paper, an when | went ter pick it up
after dinner there it was glued ter ths
fly paper, | always knowed how tel
take joke, an so | thought I'd laugh II
off"
What, the fly paper?"
Nov. look a-here. young Teller don't
yer go ter gittin' fresh with me- cause
i hain't jest pleasant yit. WAL, start
ed ter take the fly paper off NV my hat
got il off hut it stuck ter both hands
like brother sendin' fer money, an as
fast as I'd git one hand loose it would
stick ter to'other So | grabbed the
cat an thot I'd let il git stuck on
her an it did, fer me an the eat was
glued tergether. an mebby yer think
there wasn't merry time round there
with me an that cat a-tryin' ter git
loose from each other. Then was when
they found out fer sure that | was nc
preacher cause the cussin' dun would
furnish preacher with a weeks steady
job
How did you get loose from the cat p
inquired the editor.
ooh. the landlady cum runnin' out
an said: Let loose NV my cat, yer old
heather. an ] said, Cum an git yer
cat, yer burned ole cat-a- ma-ran,' an
at that she made b grab an landed cat
fly paper an ALL so ! thought I'd keep
my hands off NV things an | crammed
'em inter my pants pockets, while tho
ole woman an the cat went skitln
round in the alley, an when things got
cooled off one NV the travelin' men
said, Uncle, did yer hands git scratch
ed?' | hadn't thought bout them, so
went ter take 'em out NV my pockets,
an gee whizz, there | was handcuffed
ter my pants, and by' that burned
Stick-em-tight' so the durn things
turned wrong side out, an there | was
the blamedest lookin' site yer ever see"
"You must have felt pretty cheap
about that time" remarked the editor.
Cheap" exclaimed Uncle Bill Say,
felt like lead nickle in a slot ma
chine: kinda sort NV out Nv place, like
a rabbit in woodchuck's hole: an
when ] went ter put on my hat the top
NV It was all covered with flies what
had stuck there, so the boys said | was
a purity fly ole man"
How did you come out with your
patent gate?'
Say, | haint sayin' nuthin' bout
that. I'm talkin bout being travel
in man. an what they has ter Gear.
a-feedin round at sum nv these places
what they calls hotels. Talk bout high
way Robin they've got IL down ter a
fruzzle, gigin Teller bout 7 cents
worth. an then charging 81 day. an
II a Teller kicks, they put him In the bed
bug chamber Why, | went down
stairs one night an made a kick cause
the durn bugs was eatin me up, and
when ! told the landlord that the bugs
was a-bitin' NV me, he said Go an
kick 10 the bugs. | hain't a-bitin' nv
yer
There was not much satisfaction in
that. 10 be sure"
"They Jest starve their bed bugs. an
then expects EN- ter feed of Nv the
travelin man, so yer Kin see the travel.
in man IS bound ter be bled one way
or tother: but I've got 1t purity well
figured out. Most Nv these landlords in
these small towns gifts SO burned weak
a-feedin' off wv their own grub that