davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record., 1901-01-30
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WEDNESDAY. JAN. 30, 1901.
THE GRAND SCHEMER
AN INTERVIEW IN WHICH HE TALKED
TO GOOD EFFECT.

ne JOOIuiIy ouDhcribes TO Home
ana PhiInntbropIcaIIy Pounds q
utopln-Then, Thanks to His Trust
ing Caller, He INDUCES In a Sub
stnntInI Lunch.
Copyright, 1900, by c. B. Lewis
Major Crofoot, grand promoter and
general originator, was Just making
ready to 20 out after a luxurious -
cent lunch when there came timid
knock on the door. 1t couldn't be the
agent Of the building after the four
months back rent, for he would have
boldly knocked the door open; his land
lady, to whom he owed SIS, didn't
know where his office was; the tailor
had grown discouraged, the coal man
always sent his bill In the forenoon,
and should 1t be Il bill from the cob
bier he would dispute Its correctness.
IN answer 20 the majors Come in" a
young woman entered.
II have called" she began, "in the
interest of Il new industrial home soon
10 be established / am soliciting per
sonal subscriptions"
My dear woman, sit down-slt right
down." cheerlly replied the major. 1--WE
may call this II coincidence curious
coincidence. Not half an hour ago /
began drawing up plans for just such
an institution. 1t Is to be called the
Crofoot Self Supporting Home"
Then You would not want TO sub
scribe To another of coursef'
Perhaps So You may give me what
particulars You can"
1T Is to he II home where children
without parents and frlendless old
folks can be provided for In return
The Lambertville record., 1901-01-30
QRHSEyQWfy7P


fi-AIN AS hAh' MY DEAR fotNa WOMAN
Ief th'lr board ana clothes they VIII
Ito what work they can, believe they
VIII make brushes ana hrooIhs.
fNaetRi see. y heeit idea' my
dthr W"lhail Il noble Idea and grand
charity, and YOU deserve credit for in
ttfeStlhE Yourself. We cannot have
To" many oi these institutions, ana !
personally feel that cannot do too
lhhch Tor them. You may put me down
Tor $40.
Ihat Is very nice or YOU, she said
ns she wrote his name in her book. u
nave taken 2ee subscriptions, ahd yours
IL the most liberal OF all
never do things hy halves, miss
When enter upon a charity, ! do It
with my Whole soul You may max"
my subscription Sl1,
How good oI you!'
ANA now about my own home, the
one have planned. You VIII prob
hblE he interested IN II. shall erect u
building to accommodate at least 200
inmates IT VIII not he nh Industrial
nome IN the usual use OF the term. Fer
-.
'o'''' ''lii'n over Voill'"ns' ne
.,'s' '''' - 'ii' cur "''' 'o,"iol' oi
'n' "l''"i iuli'te' '"' "eN' 10 innAe
them feel that they are not dependent
upon charity.
''"' - E'o" u S"'' o''S'' >'u '"'
'"'n''
i'o" ~, ~ u" '''i' "s ,ons =" pu.
Kle to me, hut | have solved II nj last,
When Major 'rotoot starts In ON an
ldca, lac never lets 1t Eet away from
him unSolNed There VIII be no manu-
featuring In my homo. The Inmates
shall simply eat, sleep aud walk about.
Your counteuance espresso surprise,
Tut let me add that each and every one
shall earn his keep
can see how,
The simplest thing in the world In
the basement VIII he ',ooo horsepow-
er engine. Pipes Will lead To II from
every ro"rf That engine Will he run
ny what may he called lost power tor
instance You sn3eze or cough. There
Is power ihei@ hnt IL Is wasted hon
iall on ehaif' you Sils or "hlS'iei
YOU NANi1 II laN'S power 10 d' H.
ou' 'n' power y wasted i'9 system
The Lambertville record., 1901-01-30
She Was Justified

Il shall never speak 10 him again"
she said
why not"
Well. we were alone in the palloy
last night when the gas suddenly Went
out
"And what did he dog'
Nothing. Chicago Post.
The Lambertville record., 1901-01-30

Now" said the enterprising inter
viewer, please read THE over and hold
> your right hand?'
But" said the public man. this
IS merely an Interview"
That's all 1t Is now But thought
1t would be good thing to be appoint
ed notary public. We've had too
many denials, and this articles going
to be an affidavit before Il gets into ths
paper Washington Star.
The Lambertville record., 1901-01-30
DiMcrence

lie taming tne noneymoon1-Yoa
don't know how lonely my bachelor life
was; how unbearable the evenings
were when l would have to sit alone
in my dreary den and sew on buttons.
She-Your evenings won't be drearv
now, love. l can sit by you and thread
your needle.
The Lambertville record., 1901-01-30
Ono Kind of Strife

Strife, he said, as he finished read.
ing the Peace Conference report is a
necessity
Not at all, replied Henry Peck. nh.
septly. There's no law compelling a
man to marry. .'-Rhiladelphia Amer.
The Lambertville record., 1901-01-30

TRAINS FOR NEW HOPE.
Leave Philadelphia, Reading Terminal, week
days, 3e4, 1904 a. M, 2.oI, 4 10, 602, Ii a4 D. m
sundays, 9S4 a. m, l,49, 5.19 p. m.
Close connection at Jenkintown with fast eS-
press trains 10 and from New York, Baltimore
Washington, the South and West.
ATLANTIC CITY DIVISION.
Leave Philadelphia, Chestnut street wharf
and South street wharf, for Atlantic City:
Meekdays-Express, 9o0, a M, zoo, 400, 500,
,,l5, ,. m. Accommodation soOa a. M, !. 80 D. m
Sundays-Express, 900, 1000 a NJ. Accommo-
datlon 500 a. m, 500 p. M.
Leave Atlantic City Depot-Weekdays-
press, IS, 900, lois m, !, 50, 5 80, p. m Ac-
commodation Sos a. m, 4.0S p. M. SUNDAYS
Express-4S0, 80, p m. Accommodation 7l5
a, m, 4o5 p m.
Parlor Cars on all Express Trains
FoR CAPE MAy-Weekdays-9.I a. M, AIS,
500 p. m. Sundays-el5 a. m.
FoR OCEAN CITY-Weekdays-915 a. m. AIS
p m. Sundays-ai5 a m.
FoR SEA Isle CIrY-Weekdays-9I a. M,
500 p. N.
New York and Atlantic City yExpress-Leayes
New York (Liberty street, $40 p. m Leaves
Atlantic City, $50 a. m.
Detailed time tables at ticket offices
For further information, apply to nearest
Philadelphia Reading Railway ticket agent
or address,
W G. BESLER, EDISON J. WEEKS,
Genl Supt Genl Pass'r Agt'i
The Lambertville record., 1901-01-30

II all the cabs IN London We're plac-
cd In a line there would te total
length of ~ mites
The Lambertville record., 1901-01-30
JERSEY SAUSAGE.

Having increased and enlarged
facilities for carrying on the Pork
business, we beg leave To inform
the public that
The Lambertville record., 1901-01-30

Wanted, 81, 400 on first mortgage
Inquire at THE RECORD Office.
The Lambertville record., 1901-01-30
Tonic Hypophosphites

o''o NV 't'tt00
A Nutritiye Stimulant and Tonic
to the BREIE and NERVOUS
SYSTEM.
Stimulates and tones up the Ap-
rErITE, improves NUTRITION.
and gives strength and
yiaar to the body.
OF great value in CONSUMPTION,
BRONCHITIS, ASTHMA, COUGHS,
Colds and other diseases OF
the LUNGS and THROAT.
NERVOUS EXHAUSTION,
GENERAL DEBILITY,
and etE eraffections
characterized by
impaired nu-
triton.
Large Size, 75c.
Small Size. 45c,
S. W. COCHRAN & co.
Manufacturing Chemists,
Lamber tVille, N. j.
The Lambertville record., 1901-01-30
Sausage.
Scrapple.
SOuSe,

will be ready for sale at an early
date. Farmers having Pork for
sale can confer with us. Market
price will be paid, and satisfaction
is guaranteed.
By strict attention to business
and honest dealing we hope to re-
tain vour confidence and thus secure
your continued patronage.
The Lambertville record., 1901-01-30
Philadelphia &
Reading Railway
Engines Burn Hard Coal-No Smoke
TINE TABLE, IN EFFECT OCT. 2, 1900.
TRAINS LEAVE NEW HOPE.
TRAINS FOR NEW HOPE,

For, Glenside, Jenkintown and Philadelphi,
weekdays, $40, 7l6, 1000 a. m, l245, 30 &c
y m. Sundays, 6l5 a. M, 4O5, 6i5 p. M
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08
The Tale Of a Stamp.

I'm a stamp postage stamp
two center; don't want to brag. but
1 was never licked, except once-by
gentleman, too. He put noe on to
good thing; it was an envelope
perfumed, pink, square. I've been
stuck on that envelope ever since.
He dropped us (tbe envelope and
me) through slot in a dark box,
but We were rescued by a mail clerk
-mores tic pity. He hit me an
awful smash with hammar: it left
my face black and blue. Then 1
went on long journey of two days,
and when we arrived (tbe pink en-
velopc and me) We were present 10
perfect love Of girl, with the stun
ningest pair of blue eyes that ever
blipked. Say, she's dream! Well,
rautilated the pink envelope and tore
one corner Of me Of with hairpin;
then she read what was inside the
pink envelope. I never asw a girl
blush SO beautifully! 1 would be
stuck on her-if I could. Well, ste
placed the writing back, then she
kissed me. Oh, you little godlets
Her lips were ripe as cherries, and
warm as the summer sun. We (the
pink envelope and me) are now nest
ling snugly in her bosom; We can
hear her heart tbrob. When it goes
fastest she takes us out and kisses
me. Oh, say, this is great! I'm
glad I'm stamp-a two center.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08
SlOO Reward S100.

The readers of this paper will be
please to learn that there is at least
one dreaded disease that scierse has
been able to cnre in ell its stages, and
that is Catsrrh. Halls Catarrh Cure
is the only positive cure known to
the medical fraternity. Catarrh be-
ing constitutional disease, requires
constitutional treatment. Halls
Catarrh Care is taken internally, act
ing directly upon toe bood and mu-
cous surfaces of the system, thereby
destroying the foundation OF the dis
ease, and giving the patient strength
by building up the constitution sDd
assisting nature in doing its work
The proprietors have so much faith
in its curative powers, that they Offer
Ore Hundred Dollars for any case
that it fails to cure. Send for list OF
testimonials. Soll by all druggists.
Price Is cents.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08
Fully Explained To John.

John, she said, as she toyed
with one of bis coat buttons, this is
leap year, is it not,7
Yes, Mamie" be answered, as he
looked fondly down on her golden
head that was pillowed on bis manly
bosom.
This is tie year when the propos-
ing is done by the young lsdies?"
"Yes."
Il hope you don't expect me to
propose to your
why, Mamie, dear, I never gave
the matter thought. I-er-to tell
the truth, I've only known you for
that is to say-"
I'm glad you didn't expect me to
propose. I'm not that kind. I hope.
No, John, dearest, I couldn't be so
immoo est. I'm going to let you do
the proposing yourself, in the old
fashioned way. The old-fashioned
way is good enough for ne" And
the gentle maiden gave hsl lover
a beautiful smile, and the you ig zlsn
rejoiced that he had found such a
treasure of modesty.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08

When a man and woman becomes
husband and wife they are joined TO-
gether for strenuous life.
DeWitts Little Early Risers search
the remotest parts Of the bowels and
remove the impurities speedily with
no discomfort. They are famous Tor
their efficacy. Easy to take, never
gripe. J. E. Kaufmanp.
The supreme court Of the United
States decides that one State has the
right to quarantine against another.
Pyny-Balsam Stops the Tickling,
and quickly alays Inflammation in the throat.
Fashionable friendship, like an
umbrella, is apt to turn wrong side
out when exposed to violent storm.
The picture CT broken pitcher
at fountain isn't half as realistic as
that of a broken whiskey bottle in an
alley
Skin affections will readily disap-
pear by using DeWitt's Witch Hazel
Salve. Look out for counterfeits.
If you get DeWitt'a you will get
good results. It is the quick and
positive cure for piles. J. e. Kauf-
mann.
A Constitutional amendment per-
mitting women to vote has failed on en-
dorsement in the Wisconsin Legisla
ture.
When man offers you something
for nothing it will pay you to walk
around it by the farthest possible
route.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08
A Fireman's Close Call.

Il stuck to my engine, although
every joint ached and every nerve
was racked with paiD," writes G. W.
Bellamy, locomotive fireman, OF
Burlington, Iowa, II was weak and
pale, without any appetite and oil
run down. As I was about 10 give
up, I got bottle Of Electric Bitters
and, after taking it, l felt as we'll as
1 ever did in my life." Weak, sicsly
run down people always gain new
life, strength and yigor from their
use. Try them. Satisfaction guar
anteed by J. f. Kaufman. Price
50 cents.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08
Texas Cotton.

The State of Texas raised last year
more cotton than was produced by
the whole world not very many years
ago. Year before last the Texas
crop amounted to 3,655,000 bales,
but even these enormous figures
were excelled in 1900.
Since the first of last September
100000 bales of cotton have been
marketed in Texas and conserVa-
tive estimate puts. The amount OF
the last crop not yet marketed at
250,000 bales. There is very s!rik-
ing difference in the amount Of
money raid for the crop Of 1893
1899 and that which the last
crop is worth. The former brought
about $S9,OOO,OoO. The average
price paid for it was 5 GEMS pound.
Owing to the great advance OF the
price the last Texas crop will bring
about s1s9,0oO,OO0, or nealy twice as
much as the preceding crop, though
it was only about 100000 bales
larger. The greater part of the last
crop was sold at 9 cents pound.
1t is gratifying to know that the
increased cotton acreage CT Texas
will not be az large as WAS expected
a few weeks ago. The Texas papers
generally predict that The crop OF
cotton in that State year will not be
any larger than that Of last year.
The farmers of that State aeem to
realize that overproduction means
decline in price and are refraining
from contributing to that result. 1t
is to be hoped that the cotton plan
tiers of other States will act with
equal wisdom.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08
Keep Them Separated.

The Philadelphia Record tells a
story Of little girl whose evening
prayers are very detailed. First she
says the Lords prayer, then the one
beginning Now I lay me down to
Sleep" and then comes: ''God bless
grandpa and grandma, and papa and
mamma, and Uncle George and
Uncle Charlie, and Aunt Kate and
so Oh, ad infnitum, until all the
members of the family arc lnclnded.
Then she says, "AmeD," and quickly
adds 'And God bless Mary" After
she had finished the other night her
mother asked her why she always
said, Amen first, and then always
added, God bless May" as though
it were q postscript. "Well, you
know, mamma" replied. the tot, Il
didn't want to get her mixed up with
you ladies'" It may be unnecessary
to add that Mary is the ursemaid.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08
The Good Of Laughter.

At the recent banquet Of the Ns-
tional Wholesale Druggists Associa-
tion in Chicago, Rev. Frank Crane
compared the respective remedial
qualities of laughter, says an e1-
change.
Sone of his epigrams were these:
Man is the only animal that was
made to laugh, and, as science
teaches US that laughter means
health, it is a sin for us to substitute
excessive drug taking for laughter.
Laughter increases the blood cir
culation.
It enlarges the heart.
1t expands the lungs.
1t iiggers the diaphragm.
It promotes the ejaculation OF the
spleen.
once knew a man who laughed
30 much that when he died they had
to cut his liver out and kill it with q
club.
Beware of the theologians who
have no sense of mirth-they are not
altogether human.
Keep your chin up.
Don't take your troubles to bed
with you-hapg them on chair with
your trousers, or drop them in
glass of water with your teeth.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08
Night Was Her Terror.

II would cough nearly all night
long, writes Mrs. Chas. Applegate,
of Ale1andris, Ind, ''and could hard.
ly get any sleep. I had consumption
so bad that if I walked block I
would cough f,ightfully and spit
blood, but, when all other medicines
failed, three 81 90 bottles Of DR..
Kings New Discovery wholly cured
me and 1 gained So pounde." It's
absolutely guaranteed to cure Coughs,
Colds, LaGrippe, Bronchitis and all
Throat and Lung Troubles. Price
soc. and S1.00. Trial bottles free at
J. E. Kaufmapn's New Drug Store.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08
ern Luzon, for many months the

ern Luzon, for many months the
worst in Luzon."
"Colonels Ciprapo Csllao and Greg
orio kstibac, Malvars, best officers,
surrendered to Colonel Jacob Kline
at Lipa on April %, with % officers,
lOS men and 81 rifles
Juan and Bias Villamor, leaders
Abra, surrendered Bangued April
9th; now engaged in assembling
scattered commands, delivering arms.
Agilpay, ex.priest, leader Ilocos Norte
province. Luzon, surrendered at
Laoag, Apli! 26."
Tinio is said here to have been
with Alejsndrino, one of the highest
officers in the insurrectionary force.
He was in command in northern Lo
zon during the famous chase after
Commander Gilmore.
AIalyars, whose Colonels surren-
dered to Kline also, was of the best
known Filipino leaders. He was
Lawton's most formidable foe, and
commanded the insurrectos at the
fight at Zapote river, the most serious
battle fought in the Philippines. He
was confined in Southern Luzon,
which never has been completely cub
jugated, and Lips, where the surren-
der occurred, has been one OF the
principle insurgent arsenels.
It is stated at the war department
by officers recently back from the Phil
ippines, that there remains in the field
in Luzon only one chief whom they
are particularly desirous of catching,
namely, Caiiles, the bead hunter.
This man has violated every rule Of
warfare and it is not expected that
he will be taken alive.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08
The Home Newspaper.

The local newspaper should be
found in every hcme. No children
should grow up in ignorance who can
be taught to appreciate the home
press, says the Kensipgton (Pa.) Dis
patch. 1t is said to he the stepping
stone Of intelligence in all those mat
ters not to be learned in books. Give
YOUR children a foreign paper, which
contains rot one word about any per.
son, place or thing which they never
saw, or perhaps they never heard OF,
and how could you expect them to
be interested? But let them have
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08
P. }. Rucker Begs Pardon.

To the Editor of the Dispatcb:
Please allow me space in your
paper to beg Mrs. Goliah's pardon
II. had known that a woman had
written those lines against me ]
never would have replied to it, for l
long ago learned that when woman
speaks to hold my peace, and if /
was to reply to one I would ask my
friends, for the beretit of my sex
who might grow up after me, 10 put
this on my tomb:
Living man
As you pass by
Stop and read
For here lies q man that
Replied to woman;
Woe to him.
Columbia, S. c., April 30, 1901.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08

There's no rest for those tireless
little workers-Dr. Kings New Life
Pills. Millions are always busy, cur
ing Torpid Liver, Jauudice, Bilious.
ness, Fever and Ague. They Danish
Sick Headache, drive out Malaria.
Never gripe or weaken. Small, taste
nice, work wonders. Try them. 25c.
At J. E. Kaufmann's New Drug
Store.
The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1901-05-08
Is 5EysSs gysq 81 3slsyS
~ CURES WHERE ALL ELSE FAILS, GA
~ Best Cough Syrup. Tastes Good. Use E9S
EG in time. Sold by druggists. EsV
ySISSSIsIE EfS1 1lsl Cd

IF he was not your ideal, why did
you marry him?" because SO many
of the girls seemed to want him."
If man really deserves praise he
don't want it-and if he really wants
it he doesn't deserve it.
It has been truly said that dane
ing is the poetry of motion. At any
rate much depends upon the feet in
both poetry and dancing.
MIR. W. J. Baxter, of North Brook,
N. c., says he suffered with piles for
fifteen years. He tried many RENE
dies with DO results until he used
DeWitt's Witch Hazel Salve and that
quickly cured him. J. E. Kauf-
mann.
Human hair, wigs, albums, chro-
mos and photographs are some OF
the articles which the United States
imports extensively from Germany.
A woman's idea Of being nice to
another woman is to kiss her and
say, "Oh, how lovely that rev bat
is!n when she knows she has had it a
year.
Miss Florence Newman, who has
been a great sufferer from muscular
rheumatism, says Chamberlain's Pain
BALM is the only remedy that affords
her relief. Miss Newman is much
respected resident Of the villsge Of
Gray, n. Y, ard makes this state
ment for the benefit Of others sinil-
a,y afflicted. This liniment is for sale
by j. E. Kaufman.
Probably women invented skirts
so they could make their feet look
amaller by having the heels Of their
shoes put away up under their in
step.
! The people of Arizona are return
ing thanks for the heasies5 rainfall
there for twenty years. Rains are
not an every day occurrence in that
Territory.
As vaccination prevents smallpox,
and quirine chills and fever, so
Teethina prevents and counteracts
! the effects of tie summers heat,
much dreaded by mothers with small
! children. Teethina relieves the
many troubles incident to teething
and the hot summers, and no mother
is excusable for not giving it, for it
costs only 25 cents at druggists: or
mail 25 cents to G. j. Mofett, N. D ,
st. Louis, Mo.
There was probably lot Of scan
dal before the flood becsuss the wo'
men could trace Noah's family back
to Eve and nobody knew who Eve
father was.
! There are three habits that nc
amount of treatment will ever cure a
woman when she once gets them:
The garret habit, the twin habit, end
the bare neck photograph habit.
sOur little girl was unconscious
from strangulation during sudden
and terrible attack of Group.
quickly secured a bottle of One Min
ute Cough Cure, giving her three
doses. The Group was mastered ano
and our little darling speedily recov
cred" So writes A. L. Spafford
Chester, Mich. j. T.. Kaufman.