Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1901-03-29
,~~~~~~e~@~~V~~~~~~~@~s~@
A COMEDY OF ERRORS.
100000 e1@e ~~e&@@~@&@~@&
TOLD BY THE CAPTAIN.

lave nlnteu, Is pdlnluily Shy ohJ 4"
Iced, to the verge of morbdness. l
I'm. on the whole, best described as
'pushful.'
After we had spent some uneventful
rears in the 199th, We went campaign
ng in Burma. Tom so far oyercame
his shyness as to Stay three Dacoits
,ingle-handed, without even being in
reduced to them, and incidentally
rescued Sergeant O'Finnigan from a
certain death. Indeed, as OFinnigan
80 n "In another moment Oh shud
IA been left lamentin' my own corpse,
out for the capt'n, Lard presarve
nm" This earned Tom the V. c., and
he papers made much of him.
Not that Tom encouraged inter-
viewers. He winged the representa-
| ives of the Mandalay Free Press, and
chased the Rangoon Times man into
reservoir. Even we, his brother
officers. congratulated him cautiously,
armed with polo sticks.
Burma is not the healthiest of
,limes, and when the Dacoits had
ceased dacoiting, Tom and | went
lome on leave with considerably less
hair and perhaps a little more sense
han when we first went out, two very
,allow subalterns. l am afraid
though. in our own estimation, we
we're accomplished men OF the world.
We were breakfasting in the dear
iirty gloom of a London hotel, when
Tom groaned aloud and gazed blankly
1t a letter he had just opened.
Whats up?' | asked, taking gup
at what we Englishmen facetiously
term coffee.
Read that" he replied in his usual
laconic way.
"That" was request from the
mayor and corporation of Westchest-
sr that Captain Thomas Cason, V. c..
would be pleased to visit them in
order to receive the freedom OF the
eity A luncheon and a ball appeared
to form part of the programme also.
Tom and ! were born at Westchester,
but as we left there for good at the
mature age of two, the invitation was
as unexpected as it was flattering.
"Well." said, that's all right
spoils of war-lucky man, you know. -
"Shut up" replied Tom, what am
to say"
"Say?" I echoed. "Why, say you're
highly honored, much pleased, etc., OF
course"
But I'm not going" said Tom.
"Pitch me a good lie to tell them.
Jack"
This reliance on my imaginative
powers was not altogether compli-
mentary, and | said so, further adjur-
Ing Tom. with fraternal candor, not
to be so silly an ass.
"But cant go he said, helplessly;
'rthered be brass bands, and speeches,
and women--no, Im blessed if I'm go
ing"
"And I'm blessed if you shan't," /
returned firmly: The credit of the
regiment and the family demands hit.
and go you shall
| may interpolate that the family
credit was rather fictitious, as we Were
orphans, and had neither kith MOI
kin. | marched him off to the smok-
lng-room and reasoned with the au-
thority of an elder brother-l was
minute or two ahead of Tom in enter
Ing this queer old world. AS he re-
NAMED obdurate ! clinched the mat
ter by writing an acceptance OF the
Mayoral invitation.
| had to watch Tom pretty closely
for the next few days lest he should
write or wire a retraction, but at last
[ got him safely into the WestchesteE
train. We were III multi, for Tom
had jibbed at uniform. and | had not
considered it advisable to press hin
-. nr.l
tourney. Tom was as cross as the
proverbal bear, refused absolutely tt
learn the neat little speech | had pre-
pared for him, and sat glowering IN
corner, cursing me at intervals. II J
hadn't been pretty sharp, verify be
lieve he would have slipped me
Rushden, the only stop before Wes.-
chester: as it was, the tail of his Goa
and my new Lincoln and Bennett SUI
fered badly.
Soon we were slowing into West
chester. There We're flags hanging
out of windows and small children sit
ting on fences, yelling shrilly as we
passed.
AS we ran along the platform I got
up to take my umbrella from the
rack. When | turned round again
nearly dropped. Tom was on the
"off" footboard, away from the plat-
form.
Jack" he cried, Il can't do it--you
must"
Must WHAT" | gasped, wondering
if my brother had gone mad.
Face them-go through with 1t;
they won't know you from me. II
you don't swear I'll bolt
The bowling stationmaster, cap III
hand, opened the door. ! caught a
confessed glimpse Of red blaze, civic
robes, and nodding bonnets; then
stepped forth, and the good Westches'
trians gave evidence that their lungs
were in full working order.
Behind me l could hear Tom eX'
planning to the stationmaster, with
fiuency which surprised me, that nc
had stupidity dropped his MATCHBOX
out of the window of the off side o.
the train; then l became conscious
that / was being addressed. have
been told that l made an excellent
speech in reply. Personally, | don
remember much about it, though, as
have never lacked for word or two
dare say it was all right. But what
ever self-possession l had was van
ished to the four winds when thu
prettiest girl in the world stepped for
maud opd bluchinply presented nj