The Wilmington daily Republican. (Wilmington, Del.) 1890-1902, 1901-04-26
HUMOROUS.
By Prof. Ambrose S. Ottev.

Your readers might ask me the
question, why do you walk? We'll |
thinl, my health demands the exer-
else: partly that aud partly, because
| prefer to ride when ] can ride; and
partly because my horse, old Dexter,
died. lie was a good Methodistic
horse: he was intelligent, knew near
ly as much as Darwin: nearly, not
quite. He could talk u little: he
could say "nay;' and that's more
than great many men ever learn to
say.
BE a good thing if some men could
talk more than a horse. Plenty Of
men "talk horse but that's quite
altogether different entirely. This
horse of mine had temper and dis.
position fairly angelic. lie would
have had wings if he had lived lit.
tic while longer and turned into a
hen. 1t might have been. Stranger
things lave happened. We are al
ways on good terms.
If you are on bad terms with any
of your ncighbors, get right with
them before you talk very loud in
the meeting. Be sure to get in the
spirit of prayer, no matter what it
costs. and Stay there. The millennium
a well known y. d. Says, will be
along in 1899. Satan has but 0S
year, more to roam up and down the
|. earth, and then his business Of roam
ing will case.
|. Did you ever go to q fashionable
city party? Did you notice the low
neckcd dresses we're prominent fea-
turc? You might have asked "Dd
you ever see such a glorious sight be.
fore: The answer would be "no
never since [ was, weancd. Some
people get in the notion Of hanging
themselves. An lriShman who was
about to take his life by hanging tic d
the rope to u limb of a tree, and
then around under his arms. jumped
off the limb and was hanging in mid
air, when friend came along and
said: pat wlfa.are you doing there?'
Pat, sim tired OF life and I'm go.
ing to hang meself." "Why don't
you put the rope around your neck:'
"Faith, says Pat, | tried that and
came near strangling myself.
If men are the salt of the earth
women are undoubtedly the sugar.
Salt is necessity, sugar a luxury.
Vicious men are salt petrc, Indifferent
men the rock salt and nice men the
table salt. Old maids are the brown
sugar, good naturcd matrons the loaf
sugar, and pretty girls the fine,
white, pulverized sugar, please.
You may know something about
fishing but what kind Of fishes have
their eyes the closest together. Lit
tic fishes Of course. A man should
help his wife, he should never allow
her to do more than half of the work.
She put up all the preserved fruit in
the summer and he ought to put
it down in the winter.
A skeptic said he read the Bible in
the light Of science. The Bible says
that Balaam's ass spoke (Numbcr
22::a2-23. | have taken pains to eX-
anime an ass throat and | find it is
so formed that it would be impossi-
bic for it to speak, The idea that
God who made the beast could not
make it speak.
Ii the histories of st. Patrick are
correct he never celebrated his BIRTH
day by getting drunk. Darwin and
Others say it takes Il monkey thou
sands of years to make man of him
self. Well we have known men to
make monkeys of themselves in five
minutes. We lead the world.
There are women who are tender,
There are women who are slender
There are women who are very large
and fat,
There are women who are married,
There are women who have tarricd,
There are women who are talklcss -
but they're dead.