Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1901-11-01
A. Real Funny Story.

Old Tim Linhins, the barber ofWabash Ave-
nue., Chicago, is great student OF proyerbial
philosophy and he sometimes entertains his
customers, in the interval of "scrape" or
haircut" by his apt applications of the we'll
known proverbs of the past to the conditions
or requirements of the present. His regular
customers know his strong point, and many
man who apparently goes in for shave, Ia
really in search of rest in cosy chair, and
has desire to hear "Tim' hold forth pro-
verbally. One day last week n stranger came
in for shave, and as he stretched himself
wearily in the chair, Tim prepared to la.her
him. The man incidently remarked that he
had intended coming in earlier in the day but
had been prevented. "Wel, it's better late
than never" said Tim, smilingly. 'Not al
ways" replied the stranger, slowly. How
about losing your pocketbook / never lost
one until yesterday-never did, but would
sooner have kept it, Now, why was it better
for me to lose it late than not at all 2" Tim
acknowledged that he was wrong and the man
continued Don't know what would have
done in my predicament, only an old acquain-
tancc of mine on the Lake front let me havo
twenty to so on with" "Ah," chipped in
Tim, 'that was good A friend in need is a
friend indeed" mo, he isn't" snapped tho
man who was being shaved. "Thore you're
dead wrong again. How can a friend in need
be q friend indeed? have good many friends
who are always in need and they are a nuisance
to me. Always on the borrow. Tim thought the
problem over in his mind and reluctantly adj
mtted that the man was right. He had al
most made up his mind not to speak again
when the stranger continued, eyes sir, they
are nuisanccs. Why, one of them fellows has
been calling on me for the past year and
threatens to get even with me some way il
do not loan him fifty dollars. He threatens
me at every visit" "Oh l wouldn't mind
that" replied Tim unconsciously, "you know
the old adage "A barking dog never bites I"
There you are again." said the "shaves " as
he wiped a little lathor from the corner of
his mouth. "Say what do you know about
dogs, anyway, that you talk in such silly
strain Have you ever ventured to so too
close to a barking dog,-and if you did, what
did he do to you Did you over know bark
ing dog that didn't bite if he got the chance?'
| Tim said he couldn't exactly call to mind any
canine acquaintance that strictly fulfilled tho
| claim in the proverb, and there was q silence
| for few minutes while his razor was gliding
over the mans face. Thon the barber smiled
to himself as be bethought him of good joke.
81 suppose, - he said as he applied the bay
rum ~ suppose you don't believe in the bar
bers proverb at all?" whats that ?" asked
the stranger, rising. 1.-TWO heads arc better
| than one,' answered Tim. "Of course you
| can understand why they arc, in my business,
but know you would like to say they would
! be bad for man with the headache or"
Nothing of the kind, pat in the other smil-
ing. "One of your proverbs, at least, is right.
happen to know that two heads are better
than one" Then you don't object to that
old adage ?" "Not at all. 1t is dead right
Aud would thank you very much if you have
any stray Lion heads at hand-those taken
| from the Lion Coffee wrappers. My wife is
collecting them and she is about six shy Of
the number required to get a Lady's Gold
Watch. You see in this case ''two heads ar,
better than one, and twenty arc botter than
ten" Just So, added Tim, chcerfully, "but
1 A. A
expects premium in Jew weeks. SO to her
also, two heads are c.tcr than one. '" "Well,
in that case,'' said the stranger, as ho paid
Tim for the shave and prepared to depart,
''you had better tell your wife to do this cams
as nine is doing. Save up the Lion heads
until after September 1st next, when the new
Premium List is issued. Then il she sends
them to the woolson Spice Co., r oledo, Ohio
she can have her pick of some very choice
presents"