davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14
THE KING OF The ELEPHANTS
80. AND THE RABBIT.
A Fable Of Diplomacy.

1t once happened that, in the neighbour
hood OF this our delightful habitation .
flight Of birds assembled to choose them
selves a King; and every different species
among them put in his pretensions to tho
crown. At length, however. there were
several hat gave their voices for the Owl,
because Minerva, the goddess Of wisdom,
had made choice Of the Owl for her pecu-
liar bird; but a vast number OF others being
strenuous in their resolution never to obey
SO deformed a creature. the diet broke UP,
and they fell one upon another with so
much fury that several on all sides were
slain. The fight, however, probably would
have lasted longer than it did,, had not a
certain bird, in order to part them, be-
thought himself Of crying out to the COM
batants. mo more civil wars; why do you
spill one another's blood in vain, here is a
Raven coming: let us all agree to make
him our judge and arbitrator; he is a per-
son of judgment, and whose years have
gained him experience"
The bird unanimously consented to this;
and when the Raven arrived. and had in
formed himself OF the occasion Of the
quarrel. he thus delivered himself: "Are
you such fools and madmen. gentlemen"
says he, ito choose for your king q bird
that draws after him nothing but misfor-
tune? Will you set up a fly instead of a
griffin? Why do you not rather make choice
OF a falcon, who is eminent for his courage
and agility? or else a peacock, who treads
with a majestic gait, and carries q train
OF starry eyes in his tall? Why do you not
rather raise an eagle to the throne, who Is
the emblem OF royalty: or. lastly, a griffin,
who only by the motion and noise Of his
wings makes the mountains tremble? But
though there were no such birds as these
that 1 have named in the world, surely It
were better for you to live without a king.
than subject yourselves to such q horrid
creature as an Owl; for though he has the
physiognomy of a cat, he has no wit; and,
which Is yet more ~insupportable, notwith-
standing that he is so abominably ugly, he
Is as proud as a fine lady at a public feast:
and which ought. If possible. to render him
yet more despicable in our eyes, he hates
the light of that magnificent body that en-
Hvens all nature. Therefore, gentlemen.
lay aside a design 80 prejudicial to your /!
honor, proceed to the election of another
King. and do nothing that you may be sure /,
TO repent of Choose q king
mat may comfort you in your distresses:
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14

this direful feud between William the Testy
and the patron OF Rensselaerwick; and
some. observing the consultations OF the
Governor with the skipper and the trum-
peter. predicted warlike measures by sea
and land. The wrath Of William Kieft,
however. though quick to rise, was qnick to
evaporate. He was a perfect brush heap in
a blaze-snapping and cracking for a time,
and then ending in smoke. Like many 9TH
er valiant potentates. his first thoughts
were all for war; his sober thoughts for d.
plomacy.
Accordingly, Covert Lockerman was once
more dispatched up the river in the Com
pany's yacht, the Coed Hoop, bearing An
tony the trumpeter as ambassador to treat
with the billigerent powers of Rensselaer,
stein. In the fullness of time the yacht ar
rived before Bearn Island, and Antony the
trumpeter, mounting the poop. sounded a
parley to the fortress. In 4 little while
the steeple-crowned hat of Nicholas Koorn,
the watch-meester. rose above the battle
ments. followed by his iron visage. and ul-
timately his whole person, armed as before
to the very teeth: while. one by one. a whole
row OF Helderbergers reared their round,
burly heads above the wall. and beside each
pumpkin head peered the end of a rusty
musket. Nothing daunted by this formida-
bic array. Antony Van Corlear drew forth
and read with audible voice a misslve from
William the Testy, protesting against the
usurpation OF Bearn Island, and ordering
the garrison to quit the premises, bag and
baggage. on pain of the vengeance OF the
potentate Of the Manhattoes.
: In reply the wacht-neester applied the
Of his right han to the end Of his
nose and the thumb Of his left hand to the
little finger OF the right, and, spreading each
a like a fan, made an aerial flourish with
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14

ana remember the story Of the Rabbit, who,
calling himself the Moons ambassador. sx-
PEELED the Elephants out OF his country"
There happened once" continued the
Raven. "a most dreadful year Of drought
IN tho Elephants country, called tho Isles
OF hao. or OF the Wind, insomuch that,
pressed by extreme thirst, and not being
able TO come at any water. the whole body
OF the nation at length publicly addressed
themselves to their King, beseechinR him
10 apply some remedy to their distress,
that they might not perish, or to destroy
them all at once. rather than let them en-
ouse a life OF SO much misery. The King.
upon this passionate application, COM
manded diligent search to be made In all
places In the neighborhood. or at any rea-
sonable distance: and at length there was
discovered a spring Of water. to which tho
ancients had given the name Of Chasch-
manah. or the Fountain Of the Moon. I'M
meoiately on this most happy discovery, tho
King came and encamped with his whole
army In the parts adjoining to this foun-
tain; but. as misfortune would have It, the
Coming of the Elephants ruined a great
number Of Rabbits thai had a warren in
the same place. because the Elephants,
every step they took, trod down their bur-
rows. and killed the poor creatures young
ones.
The Rabbits, on this public calamity,
together, went to their King. and
besousht him to deliver them from this
terrible oppression. I know very WE'LL an
swered the King, that 1 sit upon the throne
oniy for the welfare and ease of my sub
jects; but alas! you now ask of me a thing
mat far surpasses my strength
Upon this. one Rabbit, more cunning
than the rest, perceiving the King at a loss,
yet very much moved with the affiction of
his people. stepped before his companions.
and addressing himself to the King, Sir
said he. your Majesty thinks like a Jus.
and generous Prince; while the care of our
tranquility disturbs your rest, and while
you afford US the freedom to give our adj I
vice, 1t makes me bold to impart to your
Majesty an invention lately come into my
head, to drive those terrible destroyers. the |
Elephants. out Of this country. Permit me
only continued the Rabbit. that 1 may go |
with the character of your ambassador to |
the King of the Elephants, and doubt not |
I will send away all these strangers
than they came: neither need your |
Majesty to fear that l shall make any i'm |
proper submissions to them: II any thought
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14
DIFFERENCES.

The King can drink the best of wine
So can 4;
And has enough when he would dine
So have I:
And cannet order rain or shine
Nor can i;
Then where's the ~diference-1et me see
Betwixt my lord the King and me?
Do trusty friends surround his throne
Night and day?
Or make his interest their own?
No. not they.
Mine love me for myself alone
Blessed be they.
And that's the difference which I see
Betwixt my lord the King and me.
Do knaves around me lie in walt
To deceive?
Or fawn and flatter when they hate.
And would grieve?
Or cruel pomps Cypress my state
BY m leave?
No, heaven be thanked! And here yoti-seA
More difference 'twixt the King and me.
He has his fools. with tests n quips,
When he'd play;
He has his armies and his ships
Great are they:
But not n child to kiss his lips
Wella-day!
And that's a difference sad to see
Betwixt my lord the King and me.
I wear the cap and he the
What Of that?
I sleep on straw and he on down
What of that?
And he's the King and I'm the clown
What of that?
II happy 1. and wretched he.
Perhaps the King would change with me-
Charles Mackey.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14
A Herd Of Irish Bulls.

Letter from an Irish Baronet (Sir Boyle
Roche) to q friend in London. during the
Irish rebellion of 1898:
MY Dear Sir: Having now a little peace
Ind Quietness, I sit down to inform you of
the dreadful hustle and confusion We are in
from these bloodthirsty rebels. most of
whom are. however. thank God, killed and
dispersed. We are in q pretty mess; can get
nothing to eat, nor any wine to drink, ex-
cept whisky. and when We sit down to din
ner we are obliged to keep both hands
armed; whilst I write this letter I hold a
sword in n hand and a pistol in the other.
I concluded from the beginning that this
would be the end OF it; and I saw I was
right. for 1t is not half over yet. At pres
ent there are such goings on that every
thing II at q stand. I should have nswered
your letter a fortnight ago, but 1 only re-
ceived 1t this morning. Indeed. hardly a
mail arrives safe. without being robbed.
No longer ago than yesterday the coach
with The mails from Dublin was robbed
near the town; the bags had been judicious-
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14
| walked down de road,

, / walked down de road,
/ met de possum and de toad;
De toad m to whistle an sing.
An de possum cut de pigeon wing.
Long come an ole man ridin' by,
Ole man. If you don't mind yer horse'n die
II he dies I'll tan his skin.
An IL he lives I'll ride him agin-
HI, no. fer Charleston gals. Charleston
GALS!
AS l walked down de street
a Charleston gal / did meet:
l kept a-walkin' an she kept a-talkin',
An l danced wild a gal wild a hole in her
stockiH',
An de hole kept a-rockin'.
Oh, some tell me a niger won't steal,
l seen a niger in my corn field
Liftin' watermilrns off my vines
Run, niger, run.
Done wild drIbers dribin',
Roll. Jordan, roll;
Done wild Massa's hollerin',
Done wild Missus's scoldin',
Roll, Jordan, roll.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14

No mo- rain fall ter wet you,
Hallelu. hallelu;
No mo- sunshine ter burn you,
Hallelu.
No mo- partin' in de kingdom, .
No mo- backbitin in de Kingdom;
Every day shall be Sunday in de kingdsh
Hallelu.
Heave away, heave away,
I'd rather court a yaller gal than work fer
Henry Clay.
Heave away
Yaller gal. I want ter 60
Heaye way
I'd rather court a yaller gal than work fer
Henry Clay.
Oh. there's Bill Thomas. I know him well.
He's got ter work ter keep from hell:
He's got ter pray by night an day
If he wants ter go de narrer way.
Chloe Williams, she makes me mad,
For you see 1 know she's goin' on bad;
She tole me a lie this afternoon,
An de devil II a-git her soon.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14

elntlemin suppose that I was going to spake
again, they are quite mistaken. I merely
rose for the purpose of saying that 1 had
nothing more to say on the subject" The
House was convulsed with laughter for a
rev seconds afterwards at the exceeding
ready wit Of the Hibernian NJ. P.
An Irish member said on one occasion,
with similar felicity: "Sir. If I have any
partiality for the honorable gentleman, 1t
is a partiality against him.
The Honorable Dennis O'Connor, who was
very tenacious Of fabricating bulls. with all
his sagacity, wal continually erring. Hap
pening one day to go into a linen Diapers
shop. he asked the price of a pair of gloves
which took his fancy. Thinking the quota
ton exorbitant, he exclaimed: "Och! sooner
than be imposed upon. my hands shall go
barefoot for the rest Of my life"
An Irish gentleman, noted for his fertility
in making bulls, was once walking through
q street, and was recognized by two boys
who were looking out Of an upstairs win
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14
THE KIM OF THE AND THE RABBIT.

proper discharge of that employment, three
necessary qualities are resolution. e%loquence
and a vast extent of natural parts. A vio-
lent spirit. let me tell you. is not for that
employment. Several ambassadors, with a
rash word, have created trouble in a peace
full kingdom; and others. with a mild and
agreeable saying. have reunited irreconcil-
able enAnies.'
"'Sir,' said the Rabbit. IL I am not en-
dowed with these good qualities your Ma
jesty has enumerated, l will endeavor, al
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14

oh. shout. shout, shout!
Satan tole me not ter pray
oh, glory, glory. glory!
He want my soul at judgment day,
But de Lord he chased him away
Oh, glory, glory. glory!
Oh. Adam. whar' Is you7
Lord, I'm in de garden.
Adam, vol eat dat apple?
Lord, Eve she give him me.
Adams. 1t was forbidden,
Lord said, Walk out de garden.
q do believe.)
There's a wicked man,
He kept dem chillens in Egypt land.
q do believe.)
God did say to Moses one day:
Say, Moses, go to Egypt land
q do belieye.)
AN tell him ter let my people go,
An tell him ter let my people co.
Telegraph de news ter Uncle Backerjuice,
Glory, glory in de mawnin'.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14
Shock along. John,
Shock along, John,

Shock along. John,
Shock along, John,
Shock along!
Five can't ketch me an ten can't hol me
Shock along!
Ho roun' de corn, roun' de corn,
Ho. no. ho roun' dc corn.
Jerdan's mills a grindin'.
Jerdan's mills a grindin':
Built widout nail er hammer,
Jerdan's mills a. grindin';
Runs idout win er water,
Jerdan's mills O. grindln'.
I really do believe.
1 really do believe;
Gwine ter walk erround Zion,
1 really do believe.
Gwine ter walk about Zion
With a harpess in his hand,
Gwine ter walk erround Zion,
l really do believe.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14

his fingers. Antony Van Corlear was sorely
perplexed to understand this sign, which
seemed to him something mysterious and
masonic. Not liking to betray his ignor-
ance. he again read with a loud voice the
missive of William the Testy, and again
Nicholas Koorn applied the thumb of his
right hand to the end Of his nose, and the
thumb Of his left hand to the little finger
OF the right and repeated this kind of nasal
weather-cock. Antony Van Corlear now
persuaded himself that this was some short
hand sign or symbol, current in diplomacy:
which though unintelligible to a new diplo-
mat, like himself. would speak volumes to
the experienced intellect of William the
Tcsty; considering his embassy therefore
at an end, he sounded his trumpet with
great complacency and set sail on his re-
turn down the river, every now and then
practicing this mysterious sign Of the
Wacht-meester. to keep II accurately in
mind.
Arrived at New Amsterdam he made a
faithful report of his embassy to the Gov
ernor. accompanied by a manual exhibition
OF the response of Nicholas Koorn. The
Governor was equally perplexed with his
embassy. He was deeply verscd in the mys-
teries OF freemasonry; but they threw no
light on the matter. He knew every variety
of windmill and weathercock. but was not
a whit the wiser as to the aerial sign in
question. He had even dabbled in Egyptian
hieroslyphics and the mystic symbols OF the
obelisks. but none furnished a key to the
reply of Nicholas Koorn. He called a meet
Ing of his council. Antony Van Corlear
stood forth in the midst. and putting the
thumb Of his right hand to his nose and the
thumb Of his left hand to the finger Of tn.
right. he gave a faithful facsimile of ths
portentous sign. Having a nose of unusual
dimensions, it was as If the reply had been
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14
DOWN AMONG
THE DEAD MEN.

THE DEAD MEN.
Here's a health to the Queen, and a lasting
peace.
To faction an end. to wealth increase;
Come. let us drink it while we have breath
For there's no drink after death.
And he that will this health deny.
Down among the dead men,
Down among the dead men,
Down, down.. down,
Down among the dead men let him lie!
Let charming beauty's health go round,
In whom celestial joys are found,
And may confusion still pursue
The senseless communicating crew.
Down among the dead men let them lie.
Down among the dead men,
Down among the dead men,
Down. down. down.
Down among the dead men let him liei
In smiling Bacchus's joys TIL roll,
Deny no pleasure to my sol;
Let Bacchus's health round briskly move.
Fol- Bacchus Il a friend to love.
And he that viii this health deny,
Down among the dead men.
Down among the dead men.
Down, down. down,
Down among the dead men let him lie!
May love ana wine their rites maintain,
And their united pleasure reign:
While Bacchus's treasures crown tho board,
We'll sing the Joys that both afford.
And they that won't with US comply,
Down among the dead men,
Down among the dead men,
Down. down. down,
Down among the dead men let them lie.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14

put in capitals. but all IN vain: the worthy
burgomasters were equally perplexed with
the Governor. Each one put his thumb to
the end Of his nose, spread his fingers like
a fan, initiated the motion of Antony Van
Corlear, and then smoked in dubious silence.
Several times was Antony obliged to stand
forth like a fugieman and repeat the sign.
and each time a circle of nasal weather.
cocks might be seen in the council cham
beT.-Iryinc.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14

ifs of all shapes and sizes. and of sufficient
number to justify the term 'delirium ire
men(dous." But concluded he. in a con-
solatory key, sit Is all imagination. YOU
know" by my sowl," replied Paddy. evil
IDENTIFY disconnected. I'm not so sure OF
that. 1t is strange you never imagine you
see angels flying at you such timesr"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14

only take care that you always remember
that an ambassador is the Kings tongue;
his discourses therefore ought to be we'll
weighed. and his words and his behavior
noble. and such as would suit the Prince
himself whom he represents. The most
learned in the kingdom ought always to be
made choice of for ambassadors. Nay, 1
have heard that one of the greatest mon
archs In the world was wont frequently
to disguise himself and become his own
ambassador. Indeed. for the honorable and
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14

re-an-ouns! holy Biddy! that an honest
woman like me should be called a parry
bellygrum to her face. I'm none of your
parrybellygrums, you rascally gallows-bird;
You cowardly. sneaking, plate-lickin' big
gardr" Ultimately O'Connell had to beat a
hasty retreat to avoid a saucepan which
Mrs. Moriarity flung at his head.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14

Of that kind In the least disturbs your
Majesty's breast. 1 am willing that your
Majesty should appoint me a companion,
who may at any time return to you, and
acquaint you with all that passes in my
embassy
":No,' replied the King very oblIgingly.
go alone and prosper; l will have no spies
upon thy actions, for I believe thee faith
full. Go, in the name OF heaven. and do
what thou shalt deem most convenient;
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14
Currnn's PIayfuInes,.

Curran was told that a very stingy and
slovenly barrister had started for the CONT
nent with a shirt and a guinea. Hell not
change either till he comes back" said he.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14
why Pat Sold the sa-..r..

A poor Irishman offered an old saucepan
for sale. His children gathered around him
and inquired why he parted with IT. "Ah,
my honeys,' answered he. II would not he
after parting with it but for a little money
to buy something to put in it."
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14

dow. One of them cried. "There goes Mr..
-. who makes so many bulls" Looking
up, the gentleman retorted: "You young
%rascals! I know you well enough. and If l
only had you here I'd kick you downstairs"
During a season of great drought, on one
occasion. at Gibraltar, an Irish officer said
he was very easy about the matter. for
he had nothing to do with water: If he only
got his 'tay' in the morning. and his punch
at night, it was all he wanted
O'COnnell and Mrs. Morfarfty.
O'Connell once made a small shopkeeper
very angry by using geometrical terms. She
had taken offense at his objection to the
price of a stick and gave him a bit of her
mind. Easy ~now-easy now" cried O'Con-
nell, with imperturbable good humor, don't
choke yourself with fine language. you old
whisky-drinking parallelogram." whats
that you call me, you murderin' villain?'
roared Mrs. Moriarity, stung into fury. Il
call you," answered O'Connell, "a parallel
ogram; and a Dublin Judge and jury will
say that it's no libel to call you so!' oh,
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14
Dennition Of m Iri.h u.1...

A school teacher asked an Irish boy to
describe an island. Sure. ma'am," said
Pat. its a place We can't lave widout a
boat"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1901-04-14
How the Irish Bishop Overcame His
COachmnn,a Obiections.

Doctor Marley. Bishop of Waterford, once
ordering his coachman Gn the absence of
the footman) to fetch some water from the
we'll. The coachman objected that his busi-
ness was to drive. not to run errands.
well. them" said the Bishop. bring out
the coach and four. set the pitcher inside,
and drive to the WE'LL" A service which was
several times repeated. to the great amuse-
ment Of the Bishops neighbors.
Paddy's View of Dclirium Tremens.
A Stocktonian was. a few days ago de-
scribing to an Irishnan in vivid language
the multiform monsters who visited him
during an attack Of delirium tremens-dey-
Newport weekly independent., 1901-09-27
THE WAR IN SOUTH AFRICA,
Gen. Kitchener ReDorts Rexerses nnd Victories for the Troops
 Under Him.

London Sept. 23.-The war office mas received the following dispatch from Lord Kitchener, dated Pretoria, September 22:
 hrltzlnger, while endeavorinr to force a passage of the Orange river near Herschell, at one o'clock Friday morning, rushed the camp of q party of Lovatts scouts. He failed to cross the rlVer, but the scouts lost. heavily. Lleut.-Col. the Hon. Andrew Murray. and Capt. Murray, his adjutant, were Killed.
 Under the cover of darkness the Boers managed to carry off q gun. hey were followed up and the gun was recovered in a smart engagement. in which Klitzinger lost two killed and 20 taken prisoners
 Lord Kitchener also reports that the British captured by the Boers in the ambush near Scheeper's Nek, Sep- tember IF, have been released. and that the British casualties in the re- tent Nlakfontein engagement, when pDae Boers captured a company of D. 1unted infantry and two guns, were one officer and five men killed. 23 men wounded, and six officers and 1O9z pen taken prisoners, since released.\
 He further reports the captuh' ! two commandoes-one consistirkp of 55 men, under Commandant Kochs who were taken, together with their entire transport, west of Edcnburg. and the other, consisting of 54 men, including P. J. Botha, who were taken with 48 wagons and their belongings. 45 miles southeast of Carolina.
Newport weekly independent., 1901-09-27
From Mutton to Money.

There is, or rather was, years ago in this city, gentleman who did thriving busi- ness in mutton in the market district, and was we'll known to hundreds of people as bright and original sort of man. Another man, who had not seen him for nearly 20 inquiries as to his health asked if he was in the same business.
 ''Oh, no" was the reply. "1'm presiding now"
 The man who was inquirng about him was really phased by this answer, and remarked that he presumed it was his ignorance, but he must admit he derived no idea of his mer market man Twas presiding
 "Why," he replied, q mean that I am a president-president of a bank in Cam l bridge. ."-Boston Record.