Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1901-10-10

Ola OAp NAhA-lA-hEbO-No.
the halls. I've got to be consistent
about things, you know. l shall take
my vacation in an armchair in the
basement, and / shall take due care
that none of the tenants forget what
fragile physique I've got. You know
what physique is, don't you, Mr.. Was
sermanY
'''He vhas something's to do nit shump-
ing around. MAYBE"
"Yes, that's it. and | don't propose to
jump. In the first place, janitor
should move with dignity when he
moves at all, and in the next it's be-
meath his position to wrangle about
goats, dogs and children in the halls.
1t also gives chic to a fat to have q
janitor who doesn't sweat his collar on
a hot day. | think | know my gait,
Mr.. Wasserman-I think | do"
"Und how vhas all dose bad peo-
ples?" asked the grocer after an ad-
miring glance.
"Just the same-no better, no worse
They are still trying to outdo each 9th
er, and that keeps things lively around
the house"
"Und does some one pull hair?"
"No, there hasn't been anything OF
that sort for the last month. When
women quarrel, they try to find ways
to hurt each others feelings, you know.
Up to three nights ago the barber's
wife and the Countess Divito had Mrs.
O'Sullivan crushed to earth, but then
she took n rally and is now at the head
of the procession again. / gave her the
hint myself, and she ought to be very
grateful TO me-"
"Und how vhas it?"
"Why, she gave watermelon party.
The BARRIERS wife gave what they call
an ice cream fling, and the Countess
Divito followed with a banana festival.
Both were successes, and Mrs. O'Sulli-
van was feeling cast down when l
gave her hint. Let me tell you, Mr..
Wasserman, that watermelon party
Is considered the swaggerest thing on
the boards for the summer. It's the
real chic You've got to get at least
six watermelons and pour a bottle Of
claret into each and have the fruit fro
zen. Then you eat 1t with silver
spoon and wipe off your chin with a
red bordered table napkin. / gave
Mrs. O'Sullivan all the necessary point
ers, and the affair was a tremendous
success"
"Und she had six watermelonsT alb
sently queried the grocer
'Six big watermelons, Mr.. Wasser-
man, and each primed with pint Of
claret and kept In an icebox for three
days. There were 40 bon ton people at
the feast, the very cream of society.
Not a hint had reached the barber's
wife or the countess, and when the
swagger began to swagger in there
was CONSERVATION in McMurphy's fats
1t was cold cut on the two women,
and they were too weak in the knees to
stand up. Yes, 40 swagger guests, and
some Of the women had on shirt waists
which cost at least 81 apiece. / myself
counted nine different pairs Of tan
shoes In that gathering, and all but
three or four of the gentlemen had col
lars on. An accordion furnished de-
lightful strains, and all the gas globes
were covered with red paper"
"Und 1t vhas some successP
at was, in two ways. In the first
place, the gathering was all that could
be hoped for, and in the next not q per-
son gave himself away. You see, every
one Of those melonSNvas as green as
grass, and the claret soured them till
they were like pickles. Mrs. O'Sulli- |
van went whittier than chalk when the |
first melon was cut and was found to |
be as hard as d rock and as tasteless |
as an old shoe, but the guests came to |
her rescue in way to melt your heart. |
Swagger is as swagger does, Mr.. Was |
serman."
"But vhas some green watermelons
swagger, Mr. SprocketY asked the
grocer.
Not exactly, but what did those
people do when they found |
them green? Just turned right In and |
deyoured the whole six to save the
feelings Of the hostess. Yes, sir, the
melons were cut up and passed around.
and everybody ate and smacked his
lips and said he had never tasted any
thing so good. 1t took them an hour to |
down those melons, but they left moth
ing but the rinds. If they had been
stuffed with cotton, It would have been
the same. Swell society never makes
any blunders, Mr.. Nasserman."
"But one time / cat a green water
melon und haf collie"
That's another point Mr.. Wasser-
man. the greatest point of ALL" said
the janltor in d whisper. Don't you
give n thing away for love or money,
but I'm telling you that every one OF
those 10 guests had collie to beat the
band before the last melon was fairly
down. They grew pale and twitchcd
ana shuddcred and w,igglcd around,
but not one Of thcm let out hint Of
what was the matter. SWaggcr socie-
ty never gives itself away, not even
when II has the collie"
"Und did dcy sulrcr?'
You bet they did, Some of them
were almost tied up IN knots with the
pains, but they laughed and smiled
just the same. The party broke up
early, but no one mentioned collie. They
had all sorts of excuses, and some of
them were doubled mp as they walked
out, but they were game to the last.
They went out saying what an enjoya-
bic time they had had ana what a lug
cious thing watermelon was, aud uei-
thor the harbcr's wife nor the Countess
Diyito caught on to thing. That par
~ almost broke their hearts, and nei-