The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1901-05-26
FUN OF THE WORLD.


In Northen Scotland squirrels are I'M
known, says the Boston Christian Regis
ter a Scotch judge was trying a ease
which had TO do With the escape OF a
squirrel from its cage. and the question
as 10 whether X had been stolen Were
its wings clipped7 he asked a witness
But, Mr- Lord interpesed the counsel,
1t is quadruped. ''Suadraped. or no
Guadups6. sad his honor. sternIy. ii
rs wings had been clipped It could never
+ have escaped.
SIS
Little Tommy returned. sore and trem-
bling. from the torture room
boesnt Your papa ever thrash your
he asked his chum, who IS the son OF
cabinet minister.
Il should say notr' replied the other
lottily Every time he threatens 70 cane
me read him ar extract from his great
+ pesce-at-ans--p price speech in which he
said: These barbarians are Ike way
+ ward children; bat have We. on that &C
count, the right 10 take away their
heaven-sent privilege 70 do as they
pleaset Let rs treat them as We would
cur own wayward children-plead with
them. heseech them. but never coerce
them with either gun or rod.
That's c good deal 70 remember" re-
marked Tommy
Yes; but now he has got 50 used TO It
that he drops the cane as soon rs
start"
ggg
Mr.. Herbert Spencer the philosopher.
this week turned his eighty-second year.
He is seldom seen in his old haunts at
i the Athenaeum club at London. Being
more or less OF an invalid. he lives
retired life at Brighton HIS occasional
visits 10 the theater have practically
/ ceased. though he enjoyed comic opera
Unlike Renan. the philosopher has never
been to a music hall Equally abandoned
/ by Spencer are now the prolonged games
at billiards. at which he was an adept
+ occasion, however, at the Athaenum
club, Herbert Spencer found his master
in a very young man, who beat him
thoroughly. When his defeat was no
longer 10 be disguised the philosopher
leaned on his cue and delivered the fol-
lowing speech TO his fortunate antagon-
ist: "A certain proficiency fl this game
is possibly a desirable accomplishment
but the extraordinary ability, sir, YOU
have Just displayed can only be the fruit
of a misspent youth"
Ezs
Tibet is the geographical center Of Mon
tana. located at "the gap" OF the Judith
Basin. between the Belt and Snowy
Mountain ranges. The town has a post
Office. one of the largest and best general
stores In the Judith Basin. and one Of the
best hotels in the country
Many stories have been told as 70 how
Ubet got its name. but the Fergus
County Argus quotes Mrs. A. r. Bar
rows, whose husband founded the town.
as giving the true version. A post-ofice
was wanted at the new and growing
settlement. and the late A X. Barrows
accompanied by Major Martin Niaginnis.
( called on Territorial Governor Benja-
min F. Potts. who was commissioned I'm
1870. for the purpose OF asking his assis-
tance with the authorities at Washing
ton.
want 8 pOst-ofhce. do you?" said
Gov. Potts.
you bet" replied Mr.. Barows.
'Ubet it shall be" said the governor.
and Ubet it so became.
gs XIX
The clerk IN charge OF Yorkshire. Eng
land postoffice, was annoyed by the con
duct Of a certain farm laborer, who. BY
buying stamps on the very edge OF
closing time, frequently put him TO the
trouble Of rescallng his accounts
Are YOU really obliged TO come so
late with your letters, my man7'' he
asked one night. his stock OF patience
giving out.
..No." answered the Iaborer Both
these were written and addressed before
noon today.
Then why didn't you bring them TO
the post straight away2"
Not me. Mr.. Clever replied the la
borer. thrusting his tongue into his
cheek. business is slack here Ia tday-
time. and there's now 70 stop yer from
prism open an readin' every letter
which comes IN: but at a minute % 2.
with knowing wink al the clock. ''ye' We
no but q few seconds to glance AT { en-
veiopes and drop EN- into a bag afore
t'maIl-cart calls for 'em. wants 10 keep
temptation from yer all ] can
x g x z
Though very found Of stories. and an
excellent reconteur himself Ruhinsteiu
was rather taciturn. once. Il Is reported.
a Scotch friend Of his. whom he liked
very much. went home with him one night
after a concert at Glasgow.
Both gentlemen sat down 70 tea and
cigarettes, and as midnight struck they
had not yet exchanged a word. Finally
the guest risxed O. bold and novel query.
''Do you like Beethoven
Rubinstein emptied his cup and said
softly. Beethoven good.
Half an hour later came another aues-
ton. And how do YOU like Wagner
To which Rubinstein throwing away a
cigarette. 'Wagner-not good.
Having exhausted his stock Of inquis-
itiveness. the Scotch friend Of the Rus
sian pianist got Up TO bid his host a pleas
ant rest
stay yet. nv friend. said Rubinstein;
Il ike your conversation very much -
And both remained sfili drinking tea
and smoking cigarettes in profound ELF
ence until 3 a. IN. struck. when they wish
ed one another goodnight aud parted.
q
A New York household has been provi-
siouaily ruled for years by a saGie cook
who rei0ices IN the name * Rosa one
day. not long ago, this important person
sailed into the presence ~ her nominal
mistress and announced that she had q
disclosure % make
I'm gEine 20 marry dat trf6ing Pamp
Leone. 70 hts own good. tomorrow chem
INK" she said. "ard 7 cided you ulFht
nickel ike to know bout Il the day befa'
missy"
20. Rosa" said the lady. how ear
spare you now. with 81 the company We
are TO have next week.
spare ne. Misery repeated Rosa II
ain't said nufin bout you gpsring ras.
chile. De ceremonies and hands - guiue
70 be psruounced at seven O'Clock. auG
Pomp. he's gwlne 70 start or On his
honeymoon On Dc ten O'Clock train-
Hes r0t q heap q rei1fionz cut West.
and 80 hab 7. ard Res ewine 70 s@e 'ern
all And when De done * froo nit
dem relations rs Eot Hene plaaz for
hin down souf.7 concluded Rose aarHlr.
~Hes been in kaa p daters1zae oasD-
panv lately uissg. ard re best I could
60 was - marry hr1 rKhr row- Bat
sake sube. chile, ROSA Amt got 10 ns-
ton % leaking yen Wat PISA seen sn
idee - DAT 81 So ntie head. hsneye
p @s
good story = tod 81 aIlaso1rf ~ ne
expanFs ~ its Gree famous Governor
Cial51rre 81 Tac-sez- before - solved