The Wichita daily eagle., 1901-06-16
Fun OF The woRLn


Henry J. Byron. one o. the wittiest cf
English piaywrights OF a score OF years
age, remarked on one occasion. "a
play is Ike a cigar. II it's good. every
body wants box. Il its bad. al the
pafhng in the world won make it go"
\ Scottish minister was once asked
how long be would require 20 prepare a
speech. That depends" he said ..upOn
how much time I ara "a occupy in irs
delivery. II / am 10 speak fer q quar-
ter OF an hour should like
q week to prepare; II am 10 50 on as
long ss like, I an ready now
< x
In a letter recently published Colsridge
describes his fainting while visiting his
friend DR.. Gilman. his first words on
recovering from il were. what a mys-
terry we are, What a problem is pre-
sented in the strange contrast between
the imperishabilty Of cur thoughts and
the perishabie. fugacious nature OF our
consciousness Then he heard his
friend say. Thank heaven. Il Is not
apopiexy."
Z ss
win you direct me 70 Nassau Strcet4'
asked one Of the Broadway squad today.
says the New York Evening Post.
Giving the information. the policeman
turned 10 a friend and said. If citizens
would talk that way you wouldn't hear
so much Of police discourtesy. \ young
fellow says 10 me the other day. say,
Jim, where's COrtlandt Street, 'How
did You know my Hame2 4 asked. on.
/ guessed it, Wen. I told him. IL
YOU re such a good guesser you'd better
guess where Coruandt street is And
he had to-"
gs
The following story Is told OF a preco-
cious little girl OF ten. She is the daugh-
ter Of weil-known lady Of considerable
charms. whom the family doctor was
visiting for influenza He felt the pulse
gravely and tenderIy. holding her wrist
after the orthodox manner OF ladies'
doctor as he sat beside her In the draw
ing room. AS he did 50 he became
aware that the child had her great grave
eyes. fun of inquiry fixed upon him.
You don't know what / am doing2 said
the medical man lightly TO the young
lady.
"Yes-I do was the portentousIy sol
emn reply. You are making love TO
my motherf'
Ez ga
An eminent queens counsel IN the
course Of a learned argument, rested his
case entirely on one reported decision,
which he claimed 70 be OF paramount ilu-
opponent being asked by the judge what
he had 20 say. replied; Il viii not trouble
your lordship with any further argument.
I only wish 20 say that my friend has for
gotten TO Inform your lordship that the
case on which he relies has been taken
on appeal 70 the house of lords. and the
decision absolutely reversed Upon this
the eminent Q. @. turned 90 his colleagues
round about and whispered. Good heav-
ffr hnr 81 N41f
there never was such a case" SO they
were both lying.
ZEE
Booker Washington IS largely respon-
sible for the increased respect paid 20
his race. and I refer again with pleasure
10 the universal confidence and admira-
tion that is expressed everywhere for
that man. 7 heard the other day OF an
Atlanta lady Of Southern birth and
Southern prejudices. who lad a north
ern philanthropist as a guest at her
dinner table. lie several times alluded
TO Mr. Washington" She tried 70 hold
her temper. but finally broke out and
exclaimed:
IF you don't stop calling that Niger
mister / don't know what J VIII do.
what shall 1 call him2' inquired the
innocent northerner.
I'VE all call him Professor Washing /
ton" she replied.
X
Sir Courtney Boyle was one of the best
dinner companions imaginable he had
more excellent stories than would MI
half-a-dozen big volumes one Of them
was OF sufferer who called az a poul-
terer's shop for some turkeys. some
are though and some are t-tenderz' ne
queried Of the shopman, who admitted
the soft impeachment. 'I-f s-suppose
there is a d-dinerence in the price? the
customer remarked, only % be informed
that his supposition was wrong. "l-l k
keep a b-b0ys' school. he said; would
YOU m-mind p-picking out t-the- tough
ones?" The shopman. with wink.
separated the tough ones from the ten
der ones, and once more the customer
asked II no difference could be made in
the price. The pouiterer was sorry that
10 was impossible and he was sorry. too, /
no doubt. when the customer said. I
Then III take the tender onest"
The Rev. Dr. B. was what is ccm- I
monty termed popular preacher" not. I
however. by drawing on his own stores. /
but By the knack which De possessed 0f /
appropri3ting the thoughts and language I
OF other great divines who had gone be- !
fore him % HIS own use. and BY a skill 4
.ul splicing and dovotailiug of passages 20 /
ls 10 make q whole. Fortunately for him. 4
those who composed his audience were j
not deeply skilled in pulpit lore. and sikh /
such he passed for wonder of eradlt4on. 4
IL happened. however. that che doctor 4
vas detected IN his literary larcenies
one Sunday a grave old gentleman scat
N himself 20 close the pulpit and listened 4
with profound atteafion- THE doctor had /
scarcely finished his third sentence bee
Tore the old gentleman SAID loud enough 4
10 be heard ~ those near him- That's
Sherlock"
The doctor frowned. but went on. BE
1ad not proceeded much farther when
bis grave auditor broke out with That's
rniotson." The doctor uit his hps and
'aused, but again went ol At a third
exclamation. That's Blair" the doctor
ogt al patience. and leaning over fhe
.de ~ the pulpit sir" hc cried ~ you
lcn't hold your tongue you shall ae turn
Q c1t
without alteriag a muscle the cid cyric.
o0sdng the doctor fuii IN the face. SAID. I
That's his own.
A good story II told ~ me clever man
.er in which Jre.ice Harlan managed %
lre top on the iHsuiar decision % PTS
.olf friend Solicitor Gfrrr1i Richards.
bout an hour before fhc court ulft q
week ago 8onlaT Jrstre Harlan walk
q Into Ir Richards once at Tie d.
srtment n 5asucs BE said hs vas ou
ls way - TIE roErt
Some important huEneaE tctayT' re-
larEed TIE solicitor Tersral
say rer'ies1 tns hiE fssfIce dil yrl
TfT bear fbe story ef uie -af ard the
lolhcle down iT kentlrET
SIR Tich1r1z ronfesred he hat rFser
ar5 r. fuf volid - rieseed 90 Lsfer
Wen sald 5usflea Hariaa. paEsirs
p take another chsW - toozcco. two
-r4s a.I.