Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1901-01-09

think, my dear, you would better get
measured to see If you'd look all right
in one PUCK.
Her Method: Mistress-"B Bridget.
hope You don't light the fire with kero-
sene7" Cook-"Divil bit, mum! OF
vets 1t down wild werosene an loights
1t wild match. Judge.
Ethel-Count Grafterino, who is en-
gagged to Maud Gottrox, seems to be .
very fragile looking man. Thomas
Yes, they say the slightest touch"
would break m.-Boston Herald.
Claude Claire, I'm much interested
In the strides science is taking toward Z
the manufacture of diamonds. Claire
You are just wasting your dine, Claude
What would look like In homemade
diamonds life. Il
Rivals: Little Hortense (proudly)
"My aunt, over in England, has Ar
mortal bearings" Little Robert HUH
l don't care. My uncle, down in In
diana, has chicken with three leSsr"
Chicago Times-H Herald.
At fashionable ball lady said to
her partner: do you know that ugly
gentleman sitting opposite to usf"
THAT is my brother, madame" "Ah,
beg your. pardon; had not noticed
the resemblance."-Le Gaulois.
Father-"l think I've scared Bobby
out of smoking cigarettes" Mother
What did you say?" Father-"I told
him no boy years old who used tobac-
co would ever grow big enough to be
a Observation-Disclosures Journal.
Customer They say young Woody
is married at last?' Tailor-"Yes, he's
been married some time; l helped make
the match" Customer-"That's inter-
esting; how did you manage itw
Tailor-"I pressed his suit for him.
Ex.
Rev. MI. Saintly-"l was very sorry
that couldn't fill my pulpit last Sun
day, but hope you liked my substi-
tute7" Mrs. Witherby-"O yes: he
was fine; and told my husband that
he little knew what he had missed. -
Life.
Every man." quoted the thoughtful
one, "is the architect of his own for
tunes" YES" returned the observant
one. "and the character of the struc-
lures put mp shows that few have taken
the necessary course In architecture
Chicago Post.
"Evalina, if we are going to elope,
don't you think we would better be on
before your father awakens- aad sel-.
lows us?y oh. no, Algernon. there's
no great hurry. Pa said he'd be sure
to give us a good two hours start. y
Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
Hes talking of going over-to Lon
don to live. He's become quite an An.
glo-maniac." Goodness! How did
that happen| "Oh, he discovered re-
Gently that he could wear monoclo
without twisting his features into .
hard knot Philadelphia Press.
Her father "And what are your
prospects," Her lover with dignity
IL don't know, sir. am not 80 imer-
cenary as TO inquire" Her father
what do you mean by thatY' Her
loyer-"I mean that 1t never occurred
to me to look you up in Bradstreet's."
Philadelphia North American.
Too much: Gusher--My wife has
promised to wait for me Mt the gate OF
heaven, II she is the first to 60. Flasll-
er-Tut, tut. You shouldn't be SO re.
vengeful ms to make her walt through
eternity, simply because she made you
wait while she fixed up sometimes
Life.
Robbins-"There'ssa good deal to be
said in favor Of early marriage. Upon
the whole, ] believe it is good thing
for man to marry. before he Is five and
twenty" Dobblns-"H'm! notice that
when man marries at that age no
never marries so young again."-Bos-
ton Transcript.
One of the ancient and honorable:
Carrie-I suppose all the girls will
wonder why accepted him. But II
they only knew what hero. he has
been! He has courted death In a hum
dred shapes. Edith What a firt! But,
then, i suppose that does make him in-
teresting. Boston Transcript.
The Minister-l hope this rumor that
1 hear going about, that you are con-
templating getting married for the
fourth time, Is not true, William? Will
iamz-Weel, don't see that you've any
cause the objec';; ye aye get the job o.
marian, an berrian' o. them; an It's
no every man in parish pits MS muckle
business in yer way.-Aloonshine.
! w. b :. "