The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1901-02-17
4 SCHEME OF BACHELORS
Three of Kind Agree to Keep
House Together.
Initial Discussions Interrupted by
the Story of Messroom Boy on n
Steam BBrSe-An Agreement Form
ed by the Frio-The Election of n
Cook and Vice Cook-Their Duties.

posed that the three of them should leay
the tribe of folding Bed-ouins" of tn
boarding houses, and keep a bachelor
hail. together. He made the suggestio
on an evening when Burroughs and Salte
were paying him call in his room. Salte
was comfortably disposed upon loung,
t"Let him lie down" Wheatcroft had sale
He may fall asleep.'D Burroughs wa
reading newspaper. He looked over tn
sheet at Wheatcrofts proposition an
shook his head.
Bachelor Hall is all right for you al
lists" Salter said, TO the ceiling. "Yo
can paint impressionistic things whe
you're feeling on color; but Burr ism
working for a yellow newspaper, and a
architect with indigestion has to have a
established reputation to sustain his work
I'm not well enough known yet Wal
TIL have a contract for a house on up
per Fifth Avenue in the style of Fran
els l."
NO; I'm in earnest now" Wheatcrof
warned him. III have to economic, ol
account OF circumstances over which
have no control Besides. I'm tired of tn,
monotony of paying board bills. I've fig
ured II out that can cut my expenses In
half if you will come into a fiat with me
where we can cook our own breakfast and
our own luncheons and get our dinners al
a restaurant"
Burroughs stroked his mustache. Who's
to be the chef"
Wheatcroft answered: Il am"
We'll. of course" Salter said, sarcastic
ally, that's all that needs to be said.
No, IL isn't" Wheatcroft aeknowl-
edged; but I've kept bach before, and,
besides. I've camped all over the country,
and I've learned how to cook"
Il wonder" Salter said, drowsily
whether you know as much about cook
ing as the messroom boy of the Mary
Ward?"
His friends scented one of Salter's sto-
rles behind that innocent bait and re
fused il with cautious silence. Sslter
was not to be so easily discouraged "She
was a steam barge, the Mary Ward on the
lakes he saba freighter. you know.
Her cook took fever one day and was
laid up In his bunk, and the captain
didn't wish to put into port for another
man, so he called up the messroom boy.
The messroom hey was an old tramp of
about ffty-eight, working his way to the
500. Can you cook?' the captain says.
Cook? he says. 'Cap'n, le' me tell you,
that before lost my health an started on
this prolonged constitutional But
can you cook? That's what l want to
know-can you cook !? 'Capn,' he says.
L can cook jes anythin'. Well, then, get
down there an cook. We want rice for
dinner and the captain stumped of and
left him.
You see, it was that hobo's policy al
ways TO claim that he knew how to do
anything that he was asked to do, so he
went down the ladder and counted the
crew of on his fingers and judged that
he's better allow about a half gallon of
rice to every able-bodied seaman and a
gallon TO himself because ne wasn't able
bodied. That filed the big pot about
three quarters full OF rice, and he topped
il off with bucket of water and put it
on the stove while he went on deck TO
get a boat hook to stir il with. When he
came back the rice was swelling over the
top OF the pot. and he concluded that he'd
filled It too full. and began to ladle out.
When he got the bucket filled the rice
was still swelling, and still boiling over
the top of the pot, and he went on bail
ing 1t out into kettles and pots and Jugs,
and pans. and dishes, until he had every
Thing In the galley filled. Then he dump
ed the bucketful into the boiler IT the
back of the stove-and that began TO
sweil-and the rice in all the other pots
and pans started swelling and running
over, and the big pot on the stove kept
stewing up like a geyser and in fifteen
minutes he was foundering around in rice
up to his ankles. and the top of the stove
was an inch deep in rice, and stream of
rice was boiling over into the fire and
pouring out through the front hampers"
"0h, draw 1t mild wheatcroft said.
He began to get frightened then. The
rice WAS so deep on the floor that 1t
slushed about with the rolling of the boat
and overturned all the things he'd filled
When a wave OF il washed over the sack
OF rice in the corner and II began to swell
and the tide rose to the calves of his
legs, with the old Vesuvius on the stove
still pouring out rice like a sand pump. he
lost his head completely and pulled open
port hole and ran up the ladder for help.
yelling Cap'n. cap'n, that b-blamed rice
is goin' to sink the ship. =
He paused for the laughter OF his au-
dience. They made no sound. And it
would have sunk 1T. too, he added, but
he'd saved the boat by opening the port
hole. The rice was boiling out of il all
The way 20 the Soo''
Wheatcroft pretended 10 sigh with re-
lief Il know enough about rice to pass
upon that story as the most plausible I've
ever heard you TELL he remarked sadly
but that isn't saying much
% The stretched metre of an antique
tale" Burroughs quoted 81 think saw
f. first in a school reader. We were talk
ing about keeping bach. What's you're
menu. Wheat?"
"Porridge and bacon and eggs or flap
JACKS DI6au anu Jam anu tolIte lOT break
fast. and steak and potatoes or parsnips
or some vegetable like that, and tea sfor
luncheon And / know how TO prepare
fish and oysters, and once made blanc
mango and an apple-tapioca pudding"
Sslter turned to Burroughs. so that
if ysur novel doesn't come out well
Burr he said. you might study under
Wheat for day or two and bring out a
cook book"
That novels long way from coming
out" Burroughs complained. I'D like to
resign my salary and set up my banner
as free lance. Then ] might get time
TO work on IL. It'll be posthumous work
al its present rate OF progress"
The very thing" Wheatcroft took him
up. Here's your chance. Your earnings
as a free lance will be uncertain at first
YOUTH want to be able to live low on the
short weeks, and you can't do Il while
you're boarding Throw over your salary
and come In with US.
Salter snorted derision. you remind
me OF the Irishman who had his coat and
vest stolen, and when he found IL was
going TO cost him $40 for a new coat and
vest and only s25 for the whole suit OF
clothes. 'Beiabers, he said. I wish the
thafe'-"
oh whistle IL" wheatcroft interrupt
ed. We're talking business"
Had stolen the trousers. too" Sal
Ter concluded. rising from the lounge.
I'd like to go in with you. but. you see. l
don't care TO resign my salary
'1hatil be all right" Burroughs said
Wen need you to borrow money from.
Well appoint you treasurer
Treasurer. salter suggested. "of the