The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1901-05-05
THE GRANDMOTHER TRICK.

Charles FIemming Embree in the Argo-
naut.
Trinity Thin is the literal translation
Of the name of Mr.. Theophilus Jaggers
cook. A tiny, spasmodic, jerky man,
with q face strained into an habitual
expression Of corded anguish; a gait
swift, conVulsive, and a head full Of
schemes-such is the American, Theophi-
lus His history is a record of wild theo-
IieS worked out to the flZzling point.
Born in New Jersey, he went to Japan
TO collect a species of lichen, said to be
worth millions in the English market.
He collected carloads of it, then learned
that nobody in England or anywhere
else ever bought it. After this the heart
Of Africa was gnawed at a while by Jag
gers, with reference to some idea about
ivory. They say he took hold of an ISL
and away down in the Antarctic regions,
just this side of the great wall of ice, in
order to grow queer native fruit like
a pumpkin down there, out Of which a
priceless perfume was going to be dis
titled. He himself tells that the pumpkins
froze, and he brings one with him, dried,
as a curiosity, and displays it with neg
Vous pomp He hurtled about Mexico
for few weeks seeking a location. Then
he came to Cuernavaca with some the
DRY about boiling sugar out of sweet po-
tatoes; and there is a man around the
corner constructing vat for him and
smiling into it as he constructs.
At Chihuahua, on his way down. Theo-
philus fell into conversation with an old
American resident. IT'S wisest to keep
house in this country" was the latter
| advice. Hire an Indian cook. But
they're tricky. Now, one thing they al
ways do when they want a holiday:
They tell you their grandmother is dead
Jaggers smiled that awful smile Of his,
and said he'd fix en-" and went dash
ing away to a train.
At Queretaro man in the seat beside
give gave him further information. Yes,
if you're going into business, just keep
house. It's easier. Now, I had an old
cook with one eye. But, say, if you get
a cook, be a little careful. They re
/ tricky. Now, one favorite ruse is to tell
you their grandmother's dead when they
| want to go off,"
"Confound their grandmothers!' etacu-
lated Jaggers, briefly.
| In Cuernavaca, Jaggers wouldn't stay at
| any hotel He could not speak Spanish,
! but that made no difference. He could
! put his mouth up at the ear of the ad-
dressed person and roar hoarsely in Eng
| lish. "Blast EN-, they're stupid!' ragged
| he. Spanish is the blastedest language,
| anyhow" The hotelkeeper acted as in
| terpreter and helped him to rent a house.
| Then he swung his legs over Jaggers'
| balcony railing, III the afternoon sun,
and said: mr.. Jaggers, you'll be COM
Portable here. Just hire a cook and take
| it easy But watch these Indian ser
wants. You'll find 'em tricky. Now one
! favorite scheme
Hold on!' said Jaggers; 'you mean
the grandmother trick?"
Did you know about itT'
I'm on to that. I'd like to see EN-
work their grandmothers off on me-"
swore Theophilus Jaggers.
Jaggers bought two chairs "a hard bed,
and some pottery. Then he hired a cook.
Trinidad Delgado CTrinity Thin) here
| enters. She looked like an old woman,
| but Jaggers Is still puzzling over that.
Her face was keen, shrewd, sharp like a
| steel tool, with fine old thin-lipped regal
mouth and eyes that pierced She was
| slender and bony Even in the stern,
grand Aztec glare of her eyes was q
something half wistful half humorous.
| Theophius felt uneasily that her sub
consciousness was laughing ut him.
| Can you cook!'' roared he at her ear
in English.
Isl, senor." said she, not understand
ing 4 word, folding her hands.
"Wcll, say" Numbered he, bending
| nearer and distorting his anguish-ridden
countenance, I'm on to your tricks.
I'm not green, do you hear, if I am a
| gringo. Haw! haw!' This seemed a
reasonably good pun, though accidental.
Now l know the grandmother trick
| Don't you ever" shaking his first, "comc
| whining around me about your grand
mothers being deadl''
| ISL senor,' said she, with mild and dig
| nihed manner, not even wondering what