Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1901-05-28
GOOD
Short Stories

.~Oo~~~o~~~
According to Life, Southern darkey
wishing the inhabitants of the village
to know that he and his venerable part
ner had decided to retire from active
life, astonished them one morning by
placing the following sign above the
door of the establishment: "Dis am to
infohm de public dat me an Ike am
goin' out of bis'ness. Dem dat owes de
firm may settle with me; dem dat de
firm owes may settle with Ike"
DR.. Boyd Carpenter, the Bishop OF
Ripon, England, was called upon to lay
the corner stone of a new vicarage at
/. Wakefield some months ago, and was
invited by the master of ceremonies
(who handed him the trowel and the
line and plummeD to "become an opera
tive mason for a few moments" 81
cannot" answered the bishop. "lay
claim to the title of an operative ma
son, but I am certainly a working Car
penter."
In his autobiography, up from
slavery" Booker T. Washington tells
an amusing anecdote of an old eolored
man, who, during the days Of slavery,
wanted to learn how to play on the
guitar. In his desire to take guitar les
sons, he applied to one of his young
masters to teach him; but the young
man, not having much faith in the abil-
itv nf tho clio va %p OF hn A,1ff ot
his age, sought to discourage him by
telling him: "Uncle Jake, will give
you guitar lessons; but, Jake. | will
have to charge you three dollars for the
first lesson, two dollars for the second
lesson and one dollar for the third les
son. But will charge you only twenty
five cents for the last lesson" Uncle
Jake answered: "All right, boss, l hires
you on dem terms. But, boss! l wants
yer to be sure an give me dat las les
son first
Some time ago a well-known San
Francisco attorney, who prides himself
upon his handling of Chinese witnesses,
was defending railway damage case.
Instead of following the usual ques;
tions as to name, residence, If the ma
ture of an oath were understood, etc.,
he began: What your name?" "Kee
Lung" You live San Francisco? ~
Yes you sabbie God?' "Mr. Attor-
ney, If you mean DO understand the
entity Of our Creator?' l will simply
say that Thursday evening next / shall
address the State Ministerial Associa-
tion on the subject of the Divinity of
Christ, and shall be pleased to have
you attend" Needless to say, general
roar of laughter swept over the court
room at this clever sally, and it was
some minutes, much to the discontinue
of the lawyer for the defense, before
order was restored and the examination
proceeded upon ordinary lines
While talking of the many notable
people he has met during his pugilistic
career, John L. Sullivan said the other
day in New York: "Once when I was In
Sydney, New. South Wales, / had a
suite of rooms directly over Sarah
Bernhardt. never met the lady, and l
didn't much care. She was jabbering
French all the time, and was rehearsing
constantly in her room. I heard SO
much of it that 1 pretty near had the
willies. One night happened to follow
Sarah into Her Majesty's Theater in
Sydney, and had good chance to size
her up. She was feather-weight, all
right, and there was so much powder
on her face that thought she'd made
a mistake! She got a look at me, and,
because had been so much annoyed
with her jabbering, scoWled at her
gave her the look that used to scare the
bulbs who tried to stay four rounds
with me. Well, sir, Sarah gave one
long, mourful howl and tainted away.
After that she didn't jabber any more,
for she'd found out who was living up
stairs"