davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Sure of a Visit.

As a rule. said prison warden, man is in a despondent mood during bis first weeks imprisonment There are exceptions. however. as this incl dent will show
 One Saturday about dinner time was suddenly accosted by one of the new arrivals who had served the first week of his sentence.
 ''I say" he remarked. "has a lady been asking for me at the gateY'
 told him that if he had been want ed the governor would have sent for him.
 "Oh. very well. Keep cool" be said ''This Is the first time for ten years I've put In full weeks work. and the old woman is sure to be at the gate for my wages"
 And with a grin the cheerful one passed on.-London Answers
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
What to Read.

Read the good old books that have lived and held their own by the vital ity of matter and style that makes them standards. Don't read lot of new books about the Bible. Read the Bible, and then you will understand what you may afterward read about the Bible. Read Shakespeare, not con- troversies on Shakespeare; read Scott and Thackeray and Dickens and George Eliot. Do not be content with a short history of literature that tells you their best works and makes a few discon- nected extracts and tells you their standing and what you should think of them.
 Read intelligently and with interest, and every book you read will guide you to the next that is good for you personally far better than strange mentor can do, who is often full of theories and prejudices or perhaps has got up course of study as pot boil err and has no real love of his subject.
 ImpertInent.
 It is said that Sarah, duchess of Marlborough. one day remarked to her grandson, Jack Spencer: Jack, you must marry, and l will give you a list of the ladies you may propose to-"
 "Very well, grannie," he said. and he proposed to the first on the list. When he came back with his wife from their wedding tour. they went to pay their respects to the old lady.
 Well. uow," she said, "I am the root. and you are only the branches, and therefore you must always pay me great deal of difference"
 "That is all very we'll" said Jack Impertinently. but think the branches would flourish a great deal better if the root was under ground"
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Expen.es of a Yncht Owner.

There Is no question that modern lux ury has reached its most extravagant pinnacle In yachting. which, in the elab- crate profusion of its expense, brings us very close to the latter days of the Roman empire. Take a single case. A boat like Colonel Payne's G50 ton yacht Aphrodlte carries a company of GO men captain. first and second mates, car penter. chief steward. assistant stew ard. bedroom stewards, pantryman. chief cook. assistant cooks, chief en. gineer. 8 assistant engineers, oilers. l5 fiEemen and l9 men before the mast
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Happx Medium Needed.

He was scratching his head with h'a spenholder and seemed to be in ccnsid- erable doubt about something.
 My wife's at the seashore and Pm writing to her." he explained.
 "Well?" returned the caller inQuir- izgly.
 q don't know just what to say. If l tell her I am lonely and all that she may be sympathetic and come horne on the first train.''
 'Then why don't you tell her you're getting along very nicely considering the circumstances?
 Il thought of that, but it's likely to make her suspicious, and then she'll come back on the first train sure."- Chicago Post.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
"STRAWS SHOW WHICH WAY
 The Wind BIows.w

And the constantly increasing demand for and steady growth in popularity of St. Jacobs Oil among all classes of people in every part Of the civilized world, show conclusively what remedy the people use for their rheumatism and bodily aches and pains. Facts speak louder than words, and the fact remains undisputed that the sale of St. Jacobs Oil is greater than all other remedies for outward application com bined. It acts like magic, cures where everything else fails, conquers pain.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
THIN AND NERVOUS
HOW A ST. PAUL WOMAN SUE
 TERED AWFUL ToRTURES.

She was Afflicted with Rheumatism
 and indipestion-NoW She Gladly
 Tells Others How She Was
 Cured.
 From The Pioneer Press, St, PGal Minn.
 Anyone who has suffered from ei- tliet rheumatism or indigestion can appreciate the condition of a trall woman whose body was racked by the agonies caused by complication of the diseases. Such was the experience of Mrs. J. T. Sloggy, of l07 East Jas samine street, St. Paul, Minn. Hap billy she found relief by taking the advice of a friend and now, moved by gratitude for her delivery, she tells others how she was cured. To re- porter she said:
 During. the winter season of 1SSS l suffered very much with rheumatism, being confined to my bed some of the time under a physicians care and un- able to do any work. l was also troubled with indigestion. When spring came I was thin and nervous, had a poor appetite and was broken down III health generally. That summer l made a visit to Wisconsin and while there met an old friend, Mrs. 1rag{Wilbur, of Big Springs. She said she had been a great sufferer from indigestion and had been completely cured by Dr. Williams Pink Pills for Pale People. I knew her word could be relied on so I got a box of the pills and com menced taking them. I felt benefited in a few days but continued to take them for about five months.
 That winter had no return of the rheumatism, my appetite improved and I gained in flesh and strength. My cure was permanent and 1 have not taken any of the pills since.
 T have told many how the pills helped me and 1 sincerely hope that ethers suffering in the same way may be induced to try Dr. Williams Pink Pills for Pale People
 This statement was sworn to by Mrs. Sloggy before G. E. Sampson, a mo- tary public, at St Paul. pr. Williams Pink Pills for Pale People will not only cure rheumatism and indigestion but are also an unfailing specific for such diseases as loconotor ataXia, partial paralysis, St. Vitus' dance, sciatica, neuralgia, nervous headache, the after-effects of the grip, palpitation of the heart. pale and sallow complex ions. and all forms of weakness. At all dealers or direct from Dr. Williams Medicine Co, Schenectady, N. T., fifty cents per box; six boxes, two dollars and fifty cents.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
The Japan Pyur,

The loquat, or Japan plum, some times erroneously called ''medlar," be longs to the family rosacse. It's botan- teal name is Eriobotrya japonica. The Cyclopedia of American Horticulture says of it: 'The loquat is native to China and Japan, but is much planted in the gulf states and westward. It blooms from August until the approach of winter and ripens it's clustered fruit in very early spring. It is a profuse bearer in congenial climates. It may be grown from seed. The fruit is often seen in northern markets"
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Insf His Luck.

"Well. this is pretty tough" lamented MT. Laertes O'Hammer, the eminent actor. Just as I have succeeded in curing myself of the cigarette habit am cast in the role of the heavy villain for the whole season. n.'-Baltimore American.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Shocking.

Aunt Geehaw from Hay Corners, crossing ferry to New York)-Ain't this the Ladies Cabin" Joshuway?
 Uncle Geehaw-Yep.
 Aunt Geehaw (scandalized)-Well, I allus knOwed thet the wimen folks of Moo York was sort of gay, but I never thought thet the ferry companies would have tew put up notices tew keep them from smokin'. n'.-Brooklyn Eagle.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
The Bovcry Beats the World.

Tn a small two story building with a basement on the Bowery are three as- piring occupants, although the space occupied by each is not much larger than health requires. Over the en- trance to the store is this sign:
 Cheapest hardware store on earth" Over the entrance to the basement is this sign: Cheapest barber shop in the world" Over the entrance leading to the second story is this: "Chear- restaurant on the planet"
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
A Little Too Faithful.

A thief in Paris. being chased by the police. threw away during bis flight the purse he had stolen and was in fair way. after being taken 10 the pO- lice station. of being allowed to go free for lack of sufficient evidence to hold him when his faithful dog. which he had trained 10 fetch and carry. trOtted into the station. wagging it's tail. with the missing purse in its m0uth--Paris Journal
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Vi1IainsI Yin.rsf

Mrs. Ruthven-Its shame that re- porters are permitted to put the names of society people in the papers.
 Mrs. Smythe-Indeed it is, my dear. They always spell mine wrong.-The Smart Set.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
A Preparatory Course.

First College Student-I hear the members of your class are going to take up Russian next term.
 Second Student-Yes; you see we want to get up a new class yell.-Phil- adelphia Record.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
The Weary Gnest.

"You are the hardest man to wake ever met" said the kind-hearted cits- zen, who had allowed the tramp to sleep in his kitchen. Here, I have been poking you in the ribs for an hour."
 Never paid no attention to it." ad- mitted the lodger. Yer see, am used to slespin' in a cattle car, an I thought yer hand was a cows horn."- Chicago News.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Mas. G. Fl. CHAPPELL.

at a constant disadvantage. This is why, for the past twenty-five years, thousands of women have been con- fiding their troubles to us, and our advice has brought happiness and health to countless women in the US.
 Mrs. Chappen, of Grant Park, ILL, whose portrait we publish, advises all suffering women to use Lydia E. Pink hams Vegetable Compound, as if cured her of inflammation of the ovaries and womb; she, therefore, speaks from knowledge, and her experience ought to give others confidence. Address Mrs. Pinkham's Laboratory, Lynn, Mass.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
As They Passed,

''How do you do, Mir. Pufdup?' said MT. Oldfriend, cordially.
 You have the advantage of me, sir,'' replied MT. Pufdup, frigidly.
 Apparently, I have. Your manners are as bad as you'd have me believe your memory to be."-Philade,phia Press
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
The Coming BivaIve.

Oysters are to be cheap and plenti- full" said the eldest boarder as he lad down his morning paper.
 But 1t seems weak-stew the tme when they'll grace our table here" re- marked the cheerful idiot with vio- lent effort.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
His FavOrIte Dish.

"What Is your favorite dIshT" In- quired Mrs. Frontpew of the Rev. Longface. the new pastor. She felt sure 1t was chicken. but 1t proved not
 "Er-the contribution plate" an- swered the Rev. Longface absently.- Ohio State Journal
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
He Was Sorry.

uousekeeper-Th is the twentieth time to-day that I've had to come to the door to tell peddlers that did not want anything.
 Peddler-Very sorry, mum!
 Housekeeper-It's some comfort to know that you are sorry, anyhow.
 Peddler- mum. I'm very sorry yoH don't want anything, mum.-New York Weekly.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
he Schemer.

Dick-Everybody' remarking how soft you are on that wealthy Miss Will fel. What are your chances with her?
 Jack-Very promising. She likes me pretty well, and I'm doing my best now to get her parents dead-set against me-" Philadelphia Press.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
After the Ball.

She-How nice to be home again! What crowd there was. I don't SUD- pose MT. Banker knew one-half of his guests.
 He-Didn't he, though! Why, he had four detectives in evening clothes there. Life
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Enough of a Good Thing.

"Papa, just see my new dress" said 8 young society girl. as she presented herself attired for her first grand ball. "Isn't it too sweet for anythingT
 ''Does 1t suit you, my dear?
 "I just dote on it."
 elf that is so. should think that you would have had more of it." said batter familias, after taking sharp glance at the decollete costume
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Like an Emp1oye.

When the night watchman found a strange man stealing funds from the vault of the bank his indignation knew no bounds.
 You've got your nerve" exclaimed the watchman. "Anybody'd thing you was employed here actuallyw-Puck.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Life in the Shop Window.

Wax-Girl-What are you grooming about, MT. Fitz-Sipps? |. WaXMan-Oh, Pm In love with that other wax-girl-the one in the ham, mock; and her pretty pink cheeks have melted off with the heat.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21

She-Don't you think this beautiful sand, the azure ocean, the golden moon and all our surroundings have an ef- feet upon your love?
 He-It might if hadn't just paid my hotel hill
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
The Way of a Womau.

Dolly-If you didn't tell her. how did you let her know that you hated her.
 Madge-When we met I kissed her three timeS.-The Smart Set.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
A W arnfuC.

May-Maude, dear, did you know that the last Legislature passed law pun ishing Kidnapping very severely?
 Maude-No. But what of it?
 May-Well. if you aren't careful Cholly Softleigh's relatives may cause yo1 trouble-Puck.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
An Explanation,

Aunt Hetty-Jabez Smith advertises that he's sellin' goods below cost"
 Uncle JoSh-What'S he doin' that for? Aunt Hetty-WeH, he says he believes in quick sales an small profits.-Puck.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21

Brooklyn, N. Y., Oct. 14.-The value of Garfield Tea, the herb cure, is sug- .gested by these facts: 1t is spe- cific for all diseases of the liver, kid neys, stomach and bowels; it purifies the blood and lays the foundation for health.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Defined.

Little Elmer (who has an inIulring mind)-Papa, what is conscience?
 Prof. Broadhead-Con my son, Is the name usually given to the fear we feel that other people will find us Out.-Harper's Bazar.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Life's stupendous Problems.

Smith-What makes SO many peO- pie crazy to get into society?
 Brown-Well, what makes so many other people crazy to keep them out?
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
On the Safe Side.

'Mrs. Piff, how do you prepare your baby's breakfast?"
 "Oh, give him one-third milk and twO-thirds microbe- killer"
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Too Bad.

'Do you know, Miss Frisbie," sad the large-headed young author. my most brilliant thoughts come to me in my sleep?
 'Its great pity that you are trou- blod with insomnia" added the young lady.-Detroit Free Press.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
me candfd suburbanI,e.

s "I suppose people around here raise their own vegetablesr
 Some do; others merely plant them" Puck
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
A Terrible Suspicion.

Howson Lott-All the women around h0re this spring seem to be wearing their boomers when they work in the garden.
 Mrs. Howson Lott-Oh, George, is that what you meant when you said you were just wandering around tke nefghborhOod to look at the different kinds of garden hose?-Leslie's Week lu
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21

He-Ethel, what can it mean? Last night I dreamed that proposed to you.
 She-I should say it meant that you were more sensible asleep than awake. Fun.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21

Phrenologist-Boy, you have re- markable memory.
 Boy-Please, sir, write 1t on a slip of paper not for me to forget it.--Fun.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
ReassurinS Him.

''Time flies, perhaps I've made my call
 too long," he said. Said she: "Oh, no, it wasn't long at all- 1t only seemed to be-" Philadelphia Press.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF va.
 RlOUS HUMoRISTS.

Pleasant Incidents Occurring the World Over-Sayings that Are Cheer full to Old or Young-Funny Selec- tions that You Will Enjoy.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Worse Still.

Nodd-I can't ask you to dinner, old man, because we have no cook.
 TOdd-And I can't ask you, because we have one.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Not Much Skill.

"What do you think of Dawbitt's painting?
 ''H'm-well, I think it looks as if 1t had been done with-er-crude oil."- Philadelphia Bulletin.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21

It may be that you haven't more trouble than others, but that you have more time to think about It.-AichlsOn Globe.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Difference in Taste.

Wife-Mr. Black has no more taste in the matter of dress than a giraffe.
 Husband-Why do you say that1
 Wife-Because his wife had on the most beautiful gown last night. and when I admired it he said he thought it was dreadful.
 Husband-But, my dear, he had to pay $500 for it.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21

Brooklyn, N. Y., Oct. 14.-People who have headache know what they are, and those who take Garfield Tea Headache Powders know how com pletely and how quickly they can be cured. This remedy is peculiarly adapted to the needs of nervous women
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
Origin of the Carat.

The carat used in estimating the weight of gems is g grain of Indian wheat
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
HumorousIy Handicapped.

Bibbs-It is very amusing to watch Sellers play golf.
 Gibbs-Why?
 Bibbs-He has an impediment in his speech.-The Smart Set.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
A Light Renant.

Hungry Horace-Kind lady. can't ye gimme somepin ter cat? l ain't ate nothin sence day before yesterday.
 Kind Lady--And what did you cal
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21

I.at's very disreputable neigh borhood. It always has been and al ways will be"
 "Ohi I think you're mistaken about that, T."
 No. I alnt I know. because l used to live there myself. ."-Philadelphia
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21

Hungry Horace Nothin but de mar ket report in aa old paper Baltimore American.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21
THE OLD FASHIONED BOY.

Oh, for glimpse of natural boy 4 boy with freckle1 face, With forehead white heath tangled hair And limbs devoid of grace; Whose feet toe in, while his elbows flare; Whose knees are patched all ways; Who turns as red as a lobster when You give him a word of praisG; boy who's horn with appetite. Who seeks the pantry shelf To eat lis piece" with resounding smack Who isn't gone on himself; A Robinson Crusoe'' reading boy, Whose pockets bulge with trash, Who knows the use of rod and gun And where the brook trout splash. It's true he'll sit in the easiest chair With his hat on his tOused head; That lis hands and feet are everywhere, For youth must have room to spread, But he doesn't dub lis !l. her 'old man" Nor deny his mothers call Nor ridicule what. his elders say
 Or think that he knows it all. A rough and wholesome natural boy Of good old fashioned clay God bless him. if he's still cn earth, For he'll make man some day!
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21

Blzzer: l fear my Wife has pares1s.
 BuzZer: Why?
 Bizzer: She has stopped going to bargain sales:-Ohio State Journal
 Justice: Will you swear that you saw the accused smoking a cigarette? |?
 Witness: I don't swear, your ron or, but I'll bet you $100 to $5 that he Was.-Chicago News.
The St. Johns herald., 1901-12-21

She was Afflicted with Rheumatism
 and indieestion-NoW She Gladly Tells Others How She Was
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1901-09-25
THE COURT AD]0URNS
I'm SORROW AT NEWS |
OF PRESIDENTS DEATH
Judge Gear PrOpOunces Enlogy on
Mckinley With Whom He
Had Enjoyed Intimate
Relations.

Judge Gear was sitting in the Cir.
|cuit Court when he received The news
Of the death OF the president. Forth.
with he adjourned court with the fol.
owing remarks:
The Court will state that II has
beard. vita deep regret and great grief,
vi the death OF President Mckinley.
1T was the SUod fortune OF the Court
10 have known president Mckinley. Ia
|haye met him on several occasions
and sometimes to have seen him as
Jew men have been allowed 10 see him
Il deemed myself fortunate above many
Others By reason of the fact of having
been so close to one who was the head
D, the Nation.
My having convorsed with him on
nany private matters IN his own pri.
vaCe room gave me ,ne opportunity OF
his devotion to his wife and
TO be impressed vii. the fact that his
mature was one only of loyeliness. the
mature Of one that no man. lowever
mean or dcbased. II seemed to me
could ever think OF harming In any
WAY.
President Mckinley was . lovable
man.
HE was our President, and to be
President OF the United States In my
opinion. 10 the greatest nonor in the
world.
THE news that Has come today that
the shot that was fired by the hand OF
the assassin has done its fearful worl;
and that the President Is dead. | learn
pills with great regret and deep sorrow.
Il received" my appointment. like
Others in this Territory. from President
Mckinley, and | should e thankful
!tEat the power Is so vested In me tina,
can adjourn ont OF respect to tht
|mCmory of President Mckinley.
This Court therefore stands adj
iourued until Thursday morning a
1880 O'Clock. The clerks office will b,
closed until that time and all juror
are excused until the SAME hour"
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1901-09-25
HIS LIFE INSURANCE.

New York, Sept. I5.-That Presiden,
Mckinley expected to live for many
years and had every reason for so
thinking is evidenced from the insur
nnce he carried on his life In favor OF
. his wife. Only a few weeks ago. Il
can be- said on good authority. he had
changed straight life insurance policy
OF 100000 for a twenty year endowment
policy. He carried this in one Of the
.big New York companies.
II was announced by an other insur.
,ance company that its agents had paid
by check on Saturday to Mrs. McKin.
'ley a policy calling for $4,000. Re-
ports that the President carried in
Isurancc amounting to 100000 or more
ARE not credited by leading insurance
, men In this city. Several experts yes
.terday placed the total amount at moi
lmore than $4,000.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1901-09-25
DETENTION CAMP CLAIM.

Japanese who worked at the drill
shed detention camp have assigned a
claim for labor to fellow country.
man. who has brought suit against DR.
C. B. Wood, former Minister OF For
Ieign Affairs II. y. Cooper and Chester
Doyle to recover the sum OF 81 900
DR.. Wood was president OF the Board
Of Health when the camp was insti,
.tuted. Mr.. Cooper had general charge
OF the camp. with Chester Doyle a.
manager inside. Mr. Doyle accepted
the labor of the Japanese inmates al
voluntary, they being supplied with
abundance OF food. clothing and bed
ding during their detention.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1901-09-25
'}AR[AOTED BILL CAUGHT

VIM. Hoopii, better SHOWN to the
police as "Barefooted Bill" was arrest
led on the Pacific Mail wharf yesterday,
Just as the transport Warren was haul.
ling alongside the Navy dock.
The police had been after Hoopii for
many days and were after him hotter
than ever yesterday. His old haunts
had been visited but he was nowhere
70 be found.
He was seen by a special officer at
the place mentioned and the deputy
sheriff was telephoned for Upon Mr..
|chilllngworth's approach. Hoopii
lodged behind pile OF lumber but he
WAS seen and finally gave himself up
On the way to the police station. the
prisoner demanded to know the cause
|of his arrest and when told he was
suspected Of having done some little
Jobs" in the City recently. he smiled
and said: Well, your have to prove
Everything" Among other things
found on Hoopli was a splendid gold
watch.