Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1901-05-10
Values.


Gahb-.t "rherc goes man who is
worth 4 million
Numskull--'Not to me. What makes
him so valuable:'-Co Columbus lUbio,
State JcnrEal.
Necessary Apology.
Ee-"Newlywed is always talking
about his wife's money"
She-"That's very strange"
He--"Not so very. Ioa just ought
TO see her."-Smart Set.
Engagement Condolences.
"Iou trust me thoroughly, dcn'f
you. TT hell
"Of course, Edgar: hut. tell me, are
the installmenls on this diamond ring
nj paid Off Chicago Record.
Trailty of IANioms.
"Constancy OF purpose IS one potent
factor IN success
ooh. don't know: I've often &C.
complished big things by merely
changing my mind - Detroit Free
Press.
"Prarticnl " Arr.
C.itic-"Not bad stretch cf land
scape,, but haven't You laid out more
than enough of it in water?"
.Artist-"Not bit Of it. The picture
is for !: client who made his money in
stock watering operations" - Boston
Transcript.
Worse Remains Behind.
els there anything more nonsensical
than your poetry" asked the very
candid friend.
oh. YES responded the great mag
aZine editor. I'VE are going to publish
love letters of famous men. Chicago
News.
-- I
Inconsistency Somewhere.
Ehe-''You say girls are always in o
hurry to get married."
Ia 'Yes; that's precisely what ]
say
Shetland yet you claim they are
always late when it comes to the wed.
ling. ~ onkers Statesman.
Wasted Effort.
"Tcmmy," exclaimed mamma, I'm
surprised ut you. You should always
strive to set your brother Il good exam
pie
"Aw. what for:' retorted Tommy;
"he's too small a kid to know any
thing about 'ritllmetic.' '-PhiladeIphi
Press.
Reciprocal Devotion. 10 ....
lie Airs. Cashlcy has all the
money, yet she and her husband seem
to he perfectly in harmony"
She-"They are, too. He's watching
all the time to get a chance to spend
her money, and she's watching him all
rlle time to keep him from it.'-Detroit
Free Press.
sasss.la,[
All His Fault, of Course. '|S''"h
Mr.. Grumpps - 'Thc gentlewoman
says Il woman should make herself as
attractive to her husband after mar
riage as she did before"
Mrs. Grumpps-"Ha! My father al
ways gave me plenty of money to
make myself attractive with. You
- ~
a Shocking Inference.
$50 long as I can make the songs OF
nation. care not who may make it's
avs" remarked the man Of trte utter
anceS.
"Great Scott! exclaimed the man
who yields al axe, you don't mean
to tell me you wish you were the poet
Observation-Disclosures Star.
Too Late.
Te-"And so you refuse me?"
She-''I do
He-"Then, proud beauty. know the
truth. am the inventor of a success
ful washing machine. Only one
will ever be made, and the woman who
marries me will have it. All, hal
FAREWELL -Ncw York Weekly.
They Agreed.
"NIr. Carnegie is the greatest and
most sensible philanthropist the world
ever knew"
II agree with you, sir. And now
may I ask your business?'
II am bookseller. And you?"
II am maker of hardwood book
ving"-CleveIand Plaindealer.
A Hot Time Amend For Him.
Will SOu " u ~ AiNC AiS, SiS
raid, addressing the motherless child.
''for am going to take your mothers
place 1 am gong to be your new
mamma"
How can you be new" the limo
cent one asked. with SO much gray
hair and SO many rinkles?'-Chicag7
Times Herald. -... .-.r
Most Miserable of Men.
'The saddest, most blighted-life case
ever knew" said the Major, twas
that Of man who received life pass
over a new railroad"
How was that?" asked the Colonel.
''NVhy, the pass was issued before
here was rail laid-and then the
.oad was never built. He has felt
,windled ever since.' = indianapolis