The Washington times., 1901-07-22
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
Some of the PecuIiaritics of the New
Chicago Directory.

If you want TO spend half an hour in
pleasant research that Will not tax the
brain too much and will yield all sorts oil
mild amusement, take down the city di-
rectory and amble through the pages. The
more aimessiy you do it the better
After striking the name of Elk Swan.
Pullman Company foreman. and wonder
ing if he has swan neck. you might hit
the word Goodman This naturally
leads you to Good Fellow. and in mo-
ment or two you find that Mr.. Good Earl
is a saloonlSeeper and Charles Good Luck
a laborer. and therefore presumably not
very lucky Mr.. Good Enough is prob
ably a good enough kind of janitor. The
name Good of course draws you to ad-
jectives OF a comparative nature, and you
turn up Stephen Bladder, a wood finisher.
and after that Anthony Worst, an en-
graver.
Nationalities are plentiful as blackber-
ries and very little digging brings to light
treasures from every land. a detective
sergeant is burdened with the name of
William Spain. August Russia is a Ia
borer, and f. w. German a stenographer.
Percy England is employed as a clerk in
Armour's packing-house. and Leo Aus
trian is the advertising agent for a Ger
man daily. Then comes GuStavus Sweden,
painter. Charles Saxon Is a clerk, Louis
Ireland a dentist. Harry France a brooC1
manufacturer. and Frank Italia instead
of finding his groove as fruit vender, is
stcnecutter. All the rest are there,
from Norway to Brazil.
For an appetizer turn to q few bills of
fare and you will quickly be able TO light
en- meal fit for the most dainty palate.
II you are partial to fish you can partake
of Salmo n, Sturgeon. Herring, and many
other varieties; if to meat or fowl then
feast yourself on Birds of all kinds. Neni-
son, Steak, or Ham, with few Sand
witches thrown in. As a relish you may
gather UP John Mustard or Abbie J. Mace,
both physicians, or Patrick Pepper. n con-
fectioner; Leon Spice, President of the
Economy Plat Company; Frank Salt,
pipe filter. or Charles Cinnamon, an archi-
tect. There are all sorts of Herbs to
choose from, and. to round off the meal,
you can lind Pies and Drinks innumerable,
while Glasses, Silver, Lights, Tapcrs.
Lemons. Apples, and even few Mangoes
are there for the asking.
Try another tack and 10. You discover
Mr.. Trick. secretary of a brewing com
pany: Lave Ruse, a bartender; Dan De-
vice. confectioner. and John Scheme,
proprietor of saloon.
Do you desire to indulge in a game of
golf? Why. certainly In a few seconds
you can make the proxy acquaintance of
Frank Niblick. cigar maker; Joseph
Putter, grocer; Edward Links, waiter,
and our old friend Bogey, whose first
name. however is Henry with no per
ceptible military title Then there are
Brasseys and Drivers without number,
and as for Greens, why, you have the
most bewildering choice imaginable.
II golf has not yet caught you and you
are still houndering along in the baseball
procession. YOU will find that in this di-
rection. too, the directory deals with you
pages Of the Immortal Caseys without
comment We reach Michael Strike, a la
borer; Albert V. Plate. a pessman, and
Emil Bleacher, who saws wood Pat Dia-
de- 1a1 pTAN-a
er commercial traveller. Bats and Balls
are common.
Is the weather too tropical? Revel in
reading over the name of Miss Sarah
Cool, a Stenographer, gentleman who
goes her one better-Charles Colder. Aft
er welcoming the relief that comes by
looking over whole page of FrostS you
may discover Simon r. Freeze, q harness.
maker, and Jacob Ice, a baker. How is
II that people with names like this new
er appear in the lists of heated-term
proStra tons?
Has the experience chilled you? There
is a speedy remedy a hand. Again stem
ographer comes to the rescue. this time
Miss Cora d. Summer. Albert Warming
is turner and Alexander Warmus q la
borer. If you seek further still you Gomez
across Frank Hotter, a brickiayer, and
Joseph Heater, a cooper.
The materials for a pleasant indulgence
with the Weed are at hand. Appropriately
enough, Clarence Pipe is a fireman, and
Il is just as fitting that We should find a
lumberman in John Match. Miss Mary
Cigaie is dressmaker, John Tobak6-
laborer and Judson L. Smoke, a motor
man.
High and mighty titles abound in this
all-embracing volume. and wherever his
fancy carries the investigator he finds
something to reward his industry. John
King and Edward Sovereign naturally
lead off Louise Gar keeps a shooting
gallery. though there is nothing TO indi-
cate from this that he is a nihilist. Harry
Sultan runs sewing machine agency
and Dan Emperor is foreman of a foun-
dry. Then comes Mrs. Clara Dock. Mar
tin knight has a lunch counter and
naughty Baron keeps a saloon. a plain
Squire earns his wages in a railway tow
er and there are WoTkmen and Drudges
in abundance. Coming down to still
more plebeian things, you can find three
people rejoicing in the name Of Mudd,
while persons whose name is Dennis are
as plentiful as the Sands or the Seas
Chicago RecOrd-Herald.