davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Savannah morning news., 1901-03-31
MODERN FABLES.
BY GEORGE ABE. -t~ ~&~ ~
The Modern Fable of the General Man
ager of the Love Affair Who De-
manded Furlough.

her on the Rustic Bench and gazed at her
Foolish-Like, and wanted to let your
Right Arm do it's Duty, but you lacked
the Nerve and feared that it might Queer
Matters 1t was your own little Cupid
who finally convinced you that you could
go ahead and get Busy without causing
her to Faint or Shrek for Assistance. /
braced you up to taking the High Hur-
die after you had Baked dozen times,
End she was beginning to think that you
were a Stick. AS superintendent of all
those Happy Hours in the Hammock and
the Boat Rides on the Lake, when she
listened to your Singing and pretended to
like it, l fiatter myself that my Work
speaks for itself. I have handled this Case
to the Queens Taste and now that the
Match has been Clinched by an Engraved
Invitation and the usual Newspaper No
toriety, / feel that 1 am entitled to about
Two Weeks Vacation.
But you are not going to Omit me at
this Crisis. are your asked the Dismayed
Bachelor. Think of the Ordeal that the
Family of the Bride and other Oficious
Friends have mapped out for us. In the
dreadful round of Ceremonies now bear
ing down upon US, we need you more than
ever"
THAT may be-" replied Cupid, 'but
about tomorrow Evening this Game will
begin to be too hot for any mere Child,
The Savannah morning news., 1901-03-31

who ties White Satin Ribbons on the
Trunks will get in their Cute Work.
suppose you will be very Jolly on the
Train, with overy one On to you bigger
than House. Little Oochklns will wear
her Gray Going Away Gown. She ought
to call it her Gray Give-Away Gown.
Whichever way you turn you will hear
the Stage Whisper behind you, Pipe the
Bride! You certainly have Hatful of
Hilarious Moments ahead of you. L
don't imagine. If Cupid had his Way,
every Marriage Service would be enacted
in the still Moonlight, with no $40
Preacher to give the Cues, and only the
Peeping Stars as Witnesses. The Young
Couple would repair at once to Lodge
In some Vast Wilderness, eighty-five Miles
from a Hotel Clerk or a Fresh Drummer
But. as I am telling you, Love has no
Voice during the so-called Festivities.
When you begin to Frost the Cakes and
hang Smilax on the Chandeliers, fly
the Coop"
"But you will returnT" asked the
Groom.
IT will wait until you have had your
Fill of running the Gauntlet In Strange
Hotels and covering before Head Walt
ers" replied Cupid. you will have to
STAY on your Tour for at least few
Weeks, just to prove that you can Afford
H. When you come back and assume
Lease and count up your Presents and
begin to Swap duplicate Pickle-Dishes
and Lamps for something you can use
in te Kitchen, I may look in to you. II
YOU have managed to get along without
having any Spats and are really anxious
70 keep away from the Inquisitive Public.
/ will come around and scratch on the
Door and possibly you will permit me to
come in and take charge Of your real
Honeymoon. If can get the cooperation
of a good Cook, / think / may be able
to show you choice quality Of Connubial
Bliss. But / am off the Contract until
YOU get through with this Splurge."
And Cupid faded away.
MORAL: IL 1t were not for the Pres
ents, an Elopement would be Preferable.
The Savannah morning news., 1901-03-31
Wisdom of this Jump, pray Forget them
ma . 1t,d

Wisdom of this Jump, pray Forget them
and go 1t Blind"
Il have no Doubts nor Fears" replied
the Bachelor. IT have captured the
sweetest Child that ever drew the Breath
OF Ldfe. The Future is to be one long
Pleasure Excursion in a rubber-tired We
hicle over an Asphalt Road with Syrin-
ga Bushes blooming on either side. The
Vista is flooded with Sunshine. We count
on listening to the Chhkadee Birds as
often as convenient and we have agreed
never 10 Quarrel"
That's the Style OF Talk I like to
hear" said the delighted Cupid. II got
you into this Mix-Up with my little Bow
ano Arrow ana justly celebrated Love
Phiiters and ] am pleased 20 know that
you are going 10 Stick. IL was ] who
arranged that First Meeting at the sum o.
nier Hotel when you spotted her In the
hed Jacket and the Short skirt You Will
recall the Fact that she ola not wear any
1At. When you saw her with the lfnant
Locks blowing around her Eyes ana the
Blmpled Cheeks warmed by a bona-fide
HluHh, you began 10 walk sideways ana
step On your own Feet, When ! lureo the
fHo N you QUE 90 the Links and observed
Nat you stood for her aiicing ana pull
ihf ann DoctQred hef score. ] saw that
We . clear Case. n was who shooed
sway ne inifnoefa when you sac BESIDE
The Savannah morning news., 1901-03-31
A CARRIE NATION PARTY.
The Jo1IIest Kind of an Evenings
Amusement.

The valiant exploits of Mrs. Carrie
Nation, the reformer, are now being util-
lied in Gotham, as the cornerstone for
evening parties OF the merriest sort. The
National Party. as II is called in the
invitation, Is the invention OF well
known New York society woman. This
first affair was given on an extensive and
elaborate plan, but other women were
quick to recognize the bright idea, and
having less generous facilities az COM
mand, they pruned away extravaganoes
and adapted the scheme to average needs.
SO that any woman, be her parlor ever so
small, her finances what they may, can
give an affair on this clever order.
In National Party a little nonsense f.
combined with little intellectual fun
IN a way which keeps ones guests In
a round OF merriment throughout the
three hours.
Invitations are sent on cards, across
which stretch gaunt arms and hands
grasplng hatchets The design can be
carried out IN water color. pen and Ink or
colored chalk. The note can invite 10
National Party or to an evening with
Mrs. Nation. as the hostess elects.
Each invitee, entering the rooms on the
appointed evening. receives one OF those
familiar bon-bOn boxes IN Ratchet shape.
which are HOid every year for Washing
TONS birthday favora and which confeo-
TONERS are now Offering apropos Of Mrs
Nations crusade.
These hatchete are weighted win soma
light ballast, say q potato apiece. Tho
ballast IN each should be o. nearly 90
possible Of cqual weight.
Ths future use u these mysfcrious
batchsis begins % suggest Itself When ne
The Savannah morning news., 1901-03-31

Relatives that you have to Ask out of
Politeness ! have perfect Horror of
the Gentlemen's Dressing Room, where
everything will be taking Bromo and tell
ing what time he got out of the Turkish
Bath. Probably you will be a Sight es-
pecially around the Eyes. Our Relations
have been so Idyllic up to this Stage Of
the Proceedings that could not bear to
see you approach these Nuptials in a
Trance. AS for the Reception, l have
no desire to be tramplfd upon by 2S5
male and female Indians herded into
Residence built to accommodate about
nine"
The Savannah morning news., 1901-03-31

Copyrighted, 1901, by Robert Howard
Russell.
Three Days before the Wedding was to
be Pulled Off, Cupid sat on a Mantel In
the Bachelors Apartment and made a
few Remarks to the scared Bridegroom.
''Old Pad, you are in for it." said the
Roly Poly Matchmaker. You are Elect
ed by Pennsylvania Majority. I have
got you to the Point from which there
can be no Craw-flshing. You could not
Weaken now, even if you wanted to. II
you have any lingering Doubts as to the
The Savannah morning news., 1901-03-31

80 | am going to take 20 the Deep Woods.
I want 10 get away before you give your
Farewell Kick-Up 20 the Best Man ana
the fishers and other Rowdy Friends. IL
il now the Practice IN our most polite
Circles 10 get the Groom good and Dry
Eyed about twenty-fOur Hours before he
steps on and then have him keep his
Edge until the whole Show ~ over ana
he ~ loaded on a sleeper. Bachelor
Dinner with LOT of Broken Glassware.
the Best Man crying into the olives ana
some one named Horace asleep IN me
Corner. Is no Place f0r a tender Infant
viii have 10 cut n out An1 ] mus.
pass ~ the Exercises o. ihe ,huieh aho
he Hscsptian Al the House ErcDse me
from eetline packed in with LOT " Jay
The Savannah morning news., 1901-03-31

james J. Hili, the railroad magnate.
gets % 81 7.s0 ana goes oyer his CORE
spondenes and IL rarely through bis work
Until SO Ia the evening.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

When Benjamin Harrison was in
the senate he often went hunting in
Northern Indiana, and stopped with an
old farmer who for some time had been
engaged in controversy with neigh
Dor in regard to dog whose sheep
killing propensities had often caused
the old man considerable worry. The
animals depredations at last brought
his owner into lawsuit while General
Harrison was in the neighborhood, and
the farmer, understanding that his Wis
itor was one of the best lawyers in the
country, begged him to take up the
case. General Harrison consented His
eloquence caught the jury, which re-
turned a verdict for the farmer with
out leaving the court room The farm
er was greatly pleased Il thought you
was a pretty good dog lawyer" he kept
repeating to General Harrison all the
way back to the farm, land If ever that
dog gets me into trouble again I'm go
ing to send for you, cause don't be-
lieve you can be beat on dog cases"
General Harrison enjoyed the incident
immensely and never tired of telling
the story.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06
HE MIGHT HAVE
KNOWN Tin

From London clubland a rather
amusing story comes over the sea.
The Athenaeum and the United Service
clubs are situated in close proximity to
each other and during the summer
each of them is closed a few weeks
for general renovation. Care is always
taken, however, that both shall not
be closed at the same time, or while
one is being renovated it's members
temporarily become the guests of the
other by a mutual and friendly ar
rangement. Now, the Athenaeum'S
members represent the higher spheres
of litrature, art and diplomacy, and
particularly the established church,
inasmuch as nearly all the bench of
bishops may be found upon its list.
The United Service club, on the other
hand, is made up of officers of the
army and navy. One day last summer
while the Athenaeum was closed for
repairs and it's members were tempo
rarily enjoying the hospitality of the
other club, there came down into the
hall a retired admiral, a man of pOrtly
build and violent temper. 'tWhere's
my umbrella" he demanded of the hall
porter. Search was made and the UNI
brella was not forthcoming. The ad-
miral began to fume. A dozen f1unkies
Immediately swarmed into the hall.
MY umbrella" cried the admiral. "An
umbrella with silver knob-where is
it, sir?' The hustle continued for
few moments, and then one of the at
tendants timorous1y informed the adj
miral that it could not be found.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06
A Car Lost Its elf
LOAD OF FRUIT JUMP S
Err ON CENTER OF TR AIN

cowboy reported a strange find on his
range, and it turned out to be the miss
ing freight car. No. 4,S49 was lying
at the base of precipitous cliff in a.
thicket of underbrush,- with its sides
distended, its roof bullying and con-
fused mass of choice oranges appearing
through the clefts of its wrecked out
lines The car was on its side, dis
mounted from its trucks, a mass Of
ruins, with its contents preserved by
the crisp mountain air under cloud
less sky The train, in its rapid de-
scent, at sharp curve had broken the
f1anges of set of wheels, and the car
was thrown from the track. Dumping
over the rough roadbed and ties had
detached the couplings at either end,
and the disabled ear rolled down the
steep embankment to the valley, hun
dreds of feet below. The train being
on the down grade the rear section
soon closed up the gap, and by means
of automatic couplers had again be-
come attached to the front section, all
unknown to the train crew. Thus No.
4,849 dropped out of account, leaving
its disappearance a deep mystery
New York Press.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

The mysterious disappearance of
freight car No. 4,849 from the center of
a moving train between way stations
on the Santa Fe road made a lot of
trouble for two train crews in last
March, and puzzled the officials of the
road not little. The car was loaded
with fruit for the eastern market, and
dropped out of sight midway on the
journey without damage to the rest of
the train and without any one having
seen it go. Tracers were sent out, but
the car was not to be found on siding
or in depot yards. The tracers' report
showed that the car had been loaded
with select oranges on a spur leading
to a well-known fruit packers estab-
lishment in the San Gabriel Valley,
California 1t was a new car, equipped
with all the modern cold storage ap-
pliances. 1t was Joined to a train of
cars of the same class, all loaded with
fruit and all destined for the same
market The heavy train had wound
its way without incident over the
Sierra Madre and the Sierra Nevadas,
up the gradual slopes, across the con-
tfnenta1- divide, through many villages
and over sage bush plains and sandy
deserts. 1t had toiled through east
ern California, Arizona and a part of
New Mexico, it had climbed the rug
ged sleeps of the Rockies, plunged into
and through the great tunnel at the
crest of that range and started on its
downward flight to Trinidad. That
was as far as the tracers had been able
to track it, for in Baton, a division
station on the Santa Fe, No. 4,S49 had
been noted in the conductors report
when the train was turned over to a
new crew; yet when the train reached
Trinidad No. 4,849 was missing, and
no trace of it could be found between
Trinidad and Baton. For all that the
tracers knew, No. 1919 might have
been whisked up into the air by bal
loon and transported to some foreign
land. A lot of discharges had been
made out for the members of the two
freight crews, and there was trouble
in the air-threats of strikes, and all
that sort of thing, because of the in
justice done to the men, when sudden
ly the mystery was cleared up
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

the first intimation of the necessity of
such an institution occurs in the letter
of lady Mrs. John Adams, in 1777,
lamenting the want of good officers in
the Revolutionary army, used the fol-
lowing language: 1T was customary
among the Carthaginians to have a
military school, in which the flower
of their nobility, and those whose tai
ents and ambition prompted them to
aspire to the first dignities, learned
the art of war. From among these
they selected all their general officers"
These words were written ten years
before the formation of the institution
at West Point. They were addressed
to John Adams, who was an early ad-
vocate of the Academy
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

There is a good deal of truth and
philosophy in the observation. Amer
lea has stepped to leadership on its
scrap heaps. The other day, N New
York, four million dollars worth of
cable equipment went to the junk shop
because electricity was better. Down
at League Island there was a scrap
heap of old monitors which were
hardly valuable even as objects of in
terest, and if the recent work of the
new projectile in smashing the strong
est armor plate is continued there will
be other scrap heaps of larger YES
sells, which have cost the government
millions of dollars. 1t has not been
many years since the newspapers had
to make scrap heaps of their old
presses In fact in every department
of effort the scrap heap has been the
sign of progress and success. It would
be fortunate if men could deal as
promptly in their ideas and prejudices
as they do in their machinery. The
spoils system in politics would make
good junk The excessive tariff pro-
lection would look well as a second
class ruin. Some of the present navf-
cation laws might be sacrificed with
profit And there are other things. A
government needs scrap heaps as much
as a corporation.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

chancellor deems it only civil for the
man who wishes to do the reasoning
to get the consent of the other party.
The lawyer for the strikers asked
the court how this consent was to be
obtained and was told that his clients
could write a letter to the mill-hands
asking for leave to argue with them
the question of stopping work. This is
a delightful suggestion. Nothing could
be more dignified than for strikers to
write polite notes to those who have
taken their jobs, saying to them,
Come, let us reason together" Or
ganized labor" however, does not
agree with the judge on this question
of common civility.'' If all walking
delegates and pickets thought about
this matter as he does, controversies
between union and non-union labor
would be conducted with a degree of
politeness and decorum not always
found in courts and congresses.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

Threatened men live long some
times-when, for instance, they chance
to be criminals whose counsel are anx-
ious to make a record. Almost ten
years ago a man in the state of Wash
ington was convicted of murder in the
first degree and sentenced to be
hanged. That sentence has been thrice
reafhrmed, but the man has not been
hanged yet The state supreme court
and the United States Supreme court
have had the case before them, in the
form of exceptions and objections, dur
ing these ten years, and the con-
demned mans attorney declares that
he has still many cards to play"
Such attempts to cheat the gallows''
have the evil effect of arousing against
a convict a sentiment which is not
easily to be distinguished from vim
dictiveness.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

Few persons know that the United
States government derives an income
from some of the largest bathing es-
Establishments in America, if not in the
world. The hot springs of Arkansas.
which have been resort for invalids
for many years, are owned by Uncle
Sam, and he extracts a payment of $50
a tub for the use of the medicated wa
ter AS there are 534 tubs, the spring
brings him an income from that
source of $1,000 a year. The various
hot springs, which are said to number
seventy-three, issuing from the west
side and the base of Hot Springs noun
tain, and which are now obscured from
view, have been converged in many in
stances from several different issues
into one outlet by development work
done on the reservation under the SUI
pervision of the various superintend-
entS.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06
Novel Wedding Gift.

A clever young American girl re-
Gently found new way of using her
luck. Last summer she was in Ger
many, in a place where four-leaf clo-
verS seemed to grow as thick as au-
tumn leaves that strew the brooks in
Vallombrosa. She wanted to give a
wedding present and the truth of the
matter was that she couldn't afford
very magnificent one. So with her
adaptable American way she resolved
upon simple remembrance that she
could prepare herself. She gathered
a number of the most perfect German
clovers, and having pressed them
carefully between blotters, brought
them back to this country with her.
On her arrival she had them framed
between two pieces of glass, in a sort
of passe-partout. 1t was much the
same idea as that of the lucky clover
that used to be carried in a crystal
on watch chain. Nothing among the
brides numerous gifts gave her more
pleasure than this quaint wedding card
that came from over the seas.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

have the change handy" At night he
locks the desk and goes home feeling
secure in his wealth. Before the boom
this man was deeply in debt. Now his
receipts are from $1,700 and $4,000 a
day, and he's got all kinds of money.
A barber had two years lease en- a
building that is worth probably 81 900.
One of the oil spectators wanted it
for an Office, and gave him SIS, 900 to
move out
of money cannot keep doubling it in
less time than it takes to tell it. Men
who came here with little amount of
money to invest in any kind of bust
ness cannot easily go broke and stand
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

fortunes.
Women are coming in from all sec.
tions daily and are investing in board
ing houses, laundries, ETC., while not &
few are investing in the oil. No town
ever enjoyed such a boom and what il
better promises to be permanent. A
curious feature about it all is thai
those already here are endeavoring to
keep dark the possibilities SO that
there will be fewer to divide the vasi
wealth with. But this effort has not
succeeded at all and every train brings
in it's load of prosperous looking mer
and women who have the dough and
are looking for chances to make more
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

While vast fortunes are being piled
up in oil speculations in Texas not all
success is reached in this way, writes
a correspondent from Beaumont, the
center of the oil region. Business en-
terprises of all kinds are paying well.
1 was in a restaurant the other day
plain looking affair that didn't seem
to be worth $300-and the owner sat
by desk on which was spread out
$4,000 in small bills and coin. 1 asked
him what he kept SO much money in
his place for, and his answer was:
Have to do it stranger. Everybody
around here is using $500 and 81 900
bills. / have a dozen or SO of them
thrust at me every day, and 1 must
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

According to correspondence issued
by the London foreign Office, 50 Der
cent of the slaves of Zanzibar and
Pemba prefer to remain slaves. Fewer
slaves applied for freedom in 1900 than
In 1899, because, the British commits
s1oner AYERS, most of the slaves know
they are not likely to gain much pres
ent advantage, seeing that those who
were thrown on their own resources
have a difficult time to make a living.
The masters have been kinder since
the slave legislation was enacted. and
seek to make their services more at
tracttve.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

Russia has decided that it wants the
American bicycle, having tired of the
more clumsy English and German ar
ticle- Such are the comforting reports
received by the managers of the Amer
lean Bicycle company, which does
much of the exporting of American
machines. Russia finds more popular
use for the machine at a moderate
price than it has found heretofore, and
the many American-made machines
that travellers about Europe have seen
have convinced them of the superiority
of our machines over those of Euro
pean make. So there is an unusual de-
mand this year, a fact which pleases
the American maker who finds the de-
mand here falling off as compared with
that which existed when all America
was bicycle mad.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

The experiments are for the purpose
of improving and perfecting bomb
that are now made for the purpose of
exposing the position of an enemy at
night, and to reveal the character of
defenses to be attacked. These pro-
jectiles explode on impact, nberating
a flaming compound. One compound,
consisting of sulphur, saltpetre, and
hydrocarbOn, is a blue light mixture.
The illumination lasts as long as the
saltpetre supplies oxygen to maintain
combustion.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06

No American can justly claim the
merit of originating the idea of the
West Point Military Academy, because
institutions similar to that existed
long before ours was thought of. The
establishment of the academy was
recommended by General Washington
IN more than one of his messages, but
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1901-07-06
The Value of a Scrap Heap.

The enterprising Mr.. Yerkes, of Chi
cago, who is about to tear up a large
part of London in his rapid transit
schemes, intimates in the latest inter-
view that the English need a rum
mage sale of some of their present
belongings. 81 tell you what" he de-
clares with choice Chicago directness.
the trouble with the English con-
Germs is that they don't know the
value of . scrap heap"