Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1901-12-18

"Who is the hero of the play?" II
can't tell you his name. but he's an
angel"
as she polite glrl:" mot at all.
She finds it impossible to break herself
of the habit of telling the truth
He-Now. don't you bother to help me
on with my coat. She-lt's no bother.
It's pleasure.-Town Topics.
Heredity. "NNot you dom, chile?"
"Nothin', nanny. My, but you Is
gittin' like yooh ther."-Baltimore
World.
Blobbs-"Wigwag must be making an
awful lot of money" Slobbs-"I should
say he is. actually believe he Is max
ing more than his wife can spend"
81 believe Mrs. Hemlock would rather
quarrel with her husband than with
anybody else" Decidedly! Force al
why's seeks the line of least resistance"
Doctor-Did you take my prescrip-
ton, ma'am? Patient-Yes; but, say,
doctor, papers awful hard to get down,
an 1t didn't seem to do me no good
Il SAiSASO 2NCN
Employer-And how long were you in
your last place, my good man? James
| Gust out of Folsom penitentiary)-Ten
years, sir, and never had single
evening out.-Ex.
"Why, gentlemen" cried the after
dinner speaker, tragically, what would
this nation be without the ladles?"
"Stag-nation, of COURSE" murmured the
| Cheerful Idiot.-Judge.
Didn't you go away at all, Mrs.
Dash?" mo; Mr.. Dash said he was SO
well fixed now that we could afford to
stay at home If we wanted to-so we
did."-DetrOit Free Press.
Hell shall never marry until meet
d woman who is my direct opposite.
She ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, Mr.. Duffer,
there are plenty of bright, intelligent
| girls in the neighborhood.
A Guarantee and a Promise. "Do you
guarantee this goods not to fade?" ABB
solutely! And If 1t does we will sell
| you new goods to match the changed
color News.
Not His Fault. do you realize" said
the economist, that there is n heavy
surplus in the United States Treasury ?.
WELL" answered Senator Sorghum, ut
aIn't my fault. Washington Star.
Newlywed-T.'Why don't you take a
wife,? Bachelor-"My income Is only
sufficient for one" Newlywed-"Well.
II she really loved you she would prob
ably be satisfied with PUCK.
Don't you miss you husband very
much now that he is away. ooh, mol
At breakfast just stand his newspaper
up in front of plate and half the time
really forget he isn't there."-Ex-
change.
"That is your husband rapping!" an
nounced the medium In solemn voice.
'My husband rapping!" said the Wild
ow, absently; gracious! he must have
forgotten his night-key!"- Philadelphia
Record.
In His Favor She-Papa says that
young man who smokes cigarettes will
never set the world on fire. He-Well,
that's the first good thing ever heard
any one say of a cigarette smoker
Yonkers Statesman.
DR.. Brown-"Well did you keep the
a thermometer in the room Mt 70 degrees,
us told your" Mrs. Murphy-'I did.
indade, doctor, but had a hard tonne
to do it. The only place it would stay
at sivinty was fornist the chimney
plecc.'-Llfe.
Poet-I was pleased to see my poem
in your paper. Is there any money
Editor-Oh, no; we sha'n't charge you
anything this time. 1t is your first Of
Tense, you know. If, however, 1t Is re-
peated. we can not let you off again SO
easily.-Boston Transcript
Young Wife-I received today q
beautiful diploma from the cooking
school-on parchment-and I've cele-
brated by making you this dish. Now.
Just guess what it Is" Young Hus-
band Chewing OH his burnt omelet)-
"rhc diploma?'-E liegende Batter.
Manoeuvers. Lieutenant Nobs Dust
arriveO-How long will you take to
drive me to the fort. cabby? Cabby-
Ten minues, capting. by the short cut
through the halleys. But the military
allus goes the long way round. through
the fashionable part O. the town. yer
honor which takes an hour. (Cabby
gets his hour.)-Punch.
"Cordin t. TIL statoots." began Judge
Wayback, as he stood up. I'll hev T.
Civ v ten years t TIL pennytenchurry."
AT. ~ fnr f1,n n Ia.
PENDANT, jumping to his feet, there are
extenuating circumstances "They isY
cried the Judge in alarm. "Ef thought
thet, burned If wouldn't Civ him fif.
teen years" Columbus Journal.
,, .There, my dear" said the returned
hunter, there's one bird for you, any
way. Bagged him just as was about
.. to give up in disgust" "Oh, Georger'
she exclaimed, Its carrier-pigeon,
, isn't It'll" Not much! It's quail"
; But 1t has card tied to its leg. with
some message on it. Let's see. 1t says:
John Jones. Poultry and Game. Cen
trail Market Philadelphia Press.
The doctor examined his patient care.
fully, and, with grave face, told MIN
that he was very i'll, and asked If he had
) consulted any one else. oh" said the
t man, 81 went to see druggist and
l asked his advice. and he Drug.
gist!" the doctor broke In, angrily;
: what was the good of that? The best
\ thing you can do when druggist gives
5 you bit of advice is to do exactly the
opposite" "And he" the patient CON
tinued, advised me to come to you.'
:. Eek.
Cuvier's Opportunity.
t Baron Cuyier, the renowned natural
list, then only eighteen, accepted sit
y uation as tutor in family living neal
4 I,a.,,, No,,,,nd,, III, 49,, -.