The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1901-07-07
FUN OF The woRLp.

Lincoln retailing whisky. Yes, reElisd
Lincoln. 1t is true that the 6rst time
saw Judge Douglas I was selliEg whisky
by the drink. ] was on the inside or the
bar and the judge was on The outside.
busy selling he busy buying. Which
is about as neat retcrt as the annals or (
the stump affor6-rich but net malicious
\ woman. who IS Of high social distinc-
ton in America. was presented 70 the
kaiser al some dinner that was not at
tended with royal state she was talk
ing t. him when she was offered fam
Gus German salad Ii was handed on
her right and the kaiser was on Der left.
which put her in a predicament. She did
not dare turn her face from the emperor
70 help herself TO the salad. The situa-
ton was too much for her. The emperor
seeing the conditiCn M a glance. looked
at her FOR AT instant and laughed. as ne
said. ~ kaiser can wait, but salad
cannotF
z@s
George Moore. the author and dramatist
once had a play accepted at the odeon IN
Paris. At the same time an adaptation
of "Othello' was being rehesrsed there.
One day Mr.. Moore called TO see the man
ager of the Odeon: The doorSeepeT did
not know him and asked for his name and
business. Il am the English author
whose play has been accepted here. said
Mr.. Moore. Il wish 20 see tn manage
The doorkeeper went inJo the managers
room and said; There's an English gen
tleman az the door who SAYS thar YOU
have Just accepted his play and wants 70
see YOU Quite right. said the mana
ger show him in. NJ. Shakespeare, with
out doubt"
Gg "a
II is said that once. when the late DR.
Tanner had asked in The house whether
il was true that the Duke Of Cambridge
had resigned his position as commander
in-chief a Major Jones Of Penzance. was
so outraged that he challenged Or. Tan
ner 70 a duel and the following tele-
graphic correspondence took place. in
reply To your despicable question about
the Duke Of Cambridge. I designate YOU
as coward. Delighted 70 give YOU sat
isfactioa- across the water. Pistols. To
which DR.. Tanner at once replied; Wire
received VIII meet YOU tomorrow at
COnstantinople under the tower Of Ga
lata. midnight Being challenged. prefer
toTpedOes- Bring another ass.-Ianner.-
x
At a table Of German and English stu
dents recently one pleasant little German
was keen on showing his knowledge of
English Every sentence OF his was
bound to contain hayve and alretty; bit
of slang was to him as ponderous as the
voice OF an oracle and the English the
was simply impossible. Tie commented
hrokenly on the bewket on the table and
the gaynose in NJ buttonhole.
But the climax was reached in answer
10 a question put in good German:
Are YOU going 10 the lecture tonight
Herr y. %
"Ach nor with wave of his hand
de ghost is retty but der meat IS
feeble"
Then the quiet man Strengthened out on
vrinkieG brows by suggesting that possi-
bly, he meant. The spirit is willing but
the flesh is weak.
E9
A little boy was going to party. and
his mother impressed upon him that he
was on no account 20 touch truffle-that
dyspeptic delight of youth. But moth
err" objected the small boy. If they
bring me some? You must say No.
thank you And il they bring II 20 me
again2 You must still say NO thank
you But they won't do that; II would
be rude"
The small boy went 10 the party and in
due course returned somewhat sundued
in manner ''WelL" said his mother II
hope YOU were a good boy and remember
"a what I told vou2 Yes. mother. bar
they was awfully rude 10 me Why,
what did they do2" They brought me
tfrme three times" Very rude, indeed
darling. and Of course you said 30. thank
YOU? Il said. No thank YOU. twice
but [ didn't know what TO say next time
and what did YOU saw II said just
like papa does az dinner when he's cross,
Take this burned thing away
A story Of a Joke" played in Vienna on
AIascaE ni. the composer. who IS soon to
visit the United States. IS going the round
created an extremely bad Impression The
distinguished Italian was the guest ~
honor at scire given bF the theatrical
artists Of the Austrian capital and ex-
pressed regret that De was una bile 70
either 20 speak OF understand German
whereupou an actor ~ comic parts arose
and addressed him very solemuly. saying
Most nlustrious maestro you have given
10 the world "Cavelleris Rusucana,
hicn is a musical freak. At this point
1Iascagui also arose. aud warmly shook
the orators hand You have no other
talent than that Of self-advertisement.
Another cffusl0n on the part ri the COM
poser. '-In "a word You are merely
genial sausage. Prolonged applause. az
which Mascagni could scarcely master his
ssE
a few weeks ago excitement vas caused
in the war department at washington =.
c. when a rumor spread around That The
civil service rules had been disregar1ad
~ the case OF an old soldier. who. after
being in the department for many years.
bad his head taken OF without warming
III was also limited that - the old soldier
case was reepened reinstatement woHla
surely follow Interested parties Were
directed to- e certain place on the secona
door for particular. Imagine fneir ffei-
inrs when they saw two men at large
Table iu the corridor ~ work rn the lag
Squire taken from one ~ The glass cases
in which she uniform ~ tae I'nifed states
army 20 various periods are eispiayee
20 an aduiring public The moth had
got into the staGng % fery oid soidief
faded. vesrinE confederate uniform.
and tae CHASTITY spectacie rreserted ifseif
~ his wooden head standing - tho tahfe
entirety apart froH biz trsnk TIE re-
oreulre ~ lass case occurred Eater iz fHe
day when the moths haFiaE been Killed
ard fresh inefailmenf ~ caurfor mixed
with the stufnng fhe figure Tas reformed /
70 It's place u1der glass
On one occasion 3fr- Mckee vas watch 3
inr 8 terroruarce frsm . hex where BE-
ua- ssate1 vita sou. flsfrfa
Tl-rler fha art art er fefer raro ~ I
-frr Win TIE Information fhaf gersEe-
rar uas waiting So fne door - see hira f
81 m0ef lnrrrtant efsleree1e
~as hr- cant come ouf-T RI Vsrv 1
busy vas the aaEwee
TIE us1er ret1rred ln r lnc-arat 81 Say 4
mas th- nsn i1sssred IN Eeeag Gr 81
Ene aEa aeua eaE H1r th e.
sas in1asEt.e g. So hiu-
TIC rau outside fnrn arrt ir gre a-ea-
- rar - waH 80 sutnor ard nae